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#theyre probably dancing to abba actually
grzybjek · 11 months
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You! Me! Dancing!
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jiksvokrat · 1 month
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music ask game pt. 2
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4, 21 and 24 here, theyre mostly czech bc i am, but do give them a try even if you dont know the language, theyre really good
4 three songs you know thanks to your parents
i mean half of my music taste is my parents, its the car music yk (abba, queen, ...)
but letsgo with these
from my dad
from both this absolute banger that is one of the best songs to sings while drunk (also couldve counted as a movie song ig)
and this band that has like folk songs texts but are a bit more modern in style, i love them so so much, their probably most iconic song
21 three songs of your childhood
first thing that comes to mind is the smurfs vinyl we have at our grandparents place, would play it almost daily whenever we visited
youtube
now Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious except also in czech, my sister and i would do an entire performace of te whole musical in the car
youtube
and mamma mia by abba bc i could sing this whole song in english before i actually knew any english at all, id just imitate the sounds lol
24 three favourite old songs
i honestly have no perception for what counts as old ngl, but based on vibes
starman by david bowie (shout out bonesandthebees fic inpired by this)
karel gott songs (THE czech singing legend) and my favourite one nápoj lásky č. 10, i couldnt count the times ive been dancing/jumping to this song in the late hours of the night
and the old song that are definitely the oldest bc its a literal folk song
its my culture and i am someone thats very connected to their local culture and tho i dont listen to these song normally, i do sing them a lot and dance
and thats all, thank you so much for asking and giving me the space to ramble icy <33
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ziracona · 4 years
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The tendency in fandom to take every white girl with short hair, regardless of the status of their canonical interest or lack of interest in women and explicit interest and/or sexual history with everything but, proclaim them a lesbian queen, and then ignore or absolve them of every single horrific act they take in fiction because of this. Is not doing feminism. Women. Lesbians. Or anyone. Any favors. It’s just bad.
Somehow. Some people really do apparently need to hear that...being any specific sexuality...is not a personality trait.
And also. Women aren’t inherantly less vile than men (or anyone non-binary, agender, fluid, etc, else), and whatever bad deeds they do should be judged based on just that—on the deeds, and their context. Not their sexuality, imagined sexuality, or their gender. Becuase none of those things effect whether committing murder is bad. At all. Not even a little. And none of them. Is even a personality trait. Affecting the character’s value as a person.
It’s cool, and good, to see characters with minority identities. And it’s real nice. When it’s whatever you are. But them being whatever. Is not a personality trait. Just a fact. And sometimes. People of any type. Are not good. Pretending any minority status—gender, sexuality, race, disability, neurotype, etc—is a get out of jail free card? Is not. Doing them. Or anyone. Any favors. Personality disorder. Doesn’t make you bad. Also doesn’t make you good. Your actions do. Acting like Amy from Gone Girl did nothing wrong when she date rapes her boyfriend & then frames him for doing that to her & ruins his life, then blackmails her husband who is terrified of being murdered by her into staying with her for the sake of the child she made at a fertility clinic with his sperm without his consent, bc she’s a woman. Isn’t good. Men aren’t more deserving of violence than women. Neither is anyone else. Jane. Left an infant child in an unheated car in subzero weather in a snow storm with zombies around that easily would hear it cry and go eat it. So she could lie and say she already let zombies eat it to bait a man with easily triggerable PTSD who had just lost his family to zombies for the second time into starting a fight. Because he was injured, unarmed, weak, down an eye, and 50, while she was fit, mid 20s, healthy, and armed with a hunting knife. Because she wanted an excuse to kill him without looking bad, because she wanted the 11 year old girl she was co-parenting with him, all to herself. And her immediately responding to the dude throwing a punch by stabbing him in the stomach to escalate the fight from brawl to life or death, then losing her knife, and instead of telling him the baby was alive & she’d made it up to start a fight which could have at any point ended the fight, begging the 11 year old child to gun down her oldest surviving friend with her own hands in cold blood so that she’d get what she wanted? Is evil. As is crying on the 11 year old and using pity as a weapon to get her to stay with her if she gets mad and wants to leave when she realizes Jane staged the whole thing for an excuse to murder, and so is after realizing like a month later that she is pregnant, committing suicide, and leaving the 11 year old that she just manipulated into killing her oldest surviving friend/completely isolated on purpose so she could have her to herself, totally alone in the apocalypse to care for an infant. Jennifer’s Body? Is a fantastic film. And Jennifer didn’t deserve any of what happened to her. But not one single boy she kills during the course of that film deserved it—and explicitly so. Even the guy who could easily have been a meathead jock bully is outside alone crying becuase his best friend just died and he loved him before she decides to lure him off and eat him alive. And acting like it’s totally fine & Needy should have just let her keep eating boys instead of killing her? Is fucked up. None of them deserved to die. And no one deserves death innately more because they are or are not something that is just a factual designator of their makeup as a human. The exchange student was scared and alone and nice, the catholic kid was sweet and Needy’s friend, Chip is a bad boyfriend but he meant well and being stupid doesn’t mean you deserve to die. And this girl ate them alive. That’s not funny. Or cool. Or fine becuase they were dudes. Gertrude Robinson? Chose again and again to betray people who loved her, or trusted her—sold out victims of awful trauma to their worst nightmares. Killed friends in the worst possible ways, like it was nothing. Michael loved her, and trusted her, and tried to care for her, and she without faltering fed him to his worst nightmare and forced him to become it. There is nothing excusable about that action.
Jude Perry? Has 0 redeeming features. Didn’t even stay faithful to her poor gf & was creepy obsessed w Agnes. Literally murdered her co-worker friend just because he was happy, and she wanted to destroy things: that’s it. She didn’t even dislike him. Murdered him because he had a wife and kid and house and it seemed fun, then burned down his house, took his wife’s money, and now checks in on his kid every so often in case he ever recovers from the trauma she inflicted enough to be fun to kill. There is literally nothing good about this woman. Yes. I mean that. Because being a lesbian? Is just a thing. There is no g/b tag, there is no tag at all. Amanda Young? Got kidnapped and tortured and forced to choose between killing a man who couldn’t resist but was conscious to watch her, and letting herself die, and she killed him. Then, instead of responding to that trauma with guilt or responsibility or anger at her captor, joined up with him and started helping him kidnap people just like her. She was not forced, she was not lied to. It does not matter if John was manipulative; she is a grown ass woman and like all grown ass adults, responsible for her own actions and choices. She did not get manipulated pitifully into this—she did not go unwillingly. She volunteered, with a happy vengeance, became obsessed with John and in love with him, despite his complete lack of interest. And she did not even just do what he did. She decided on her own that no one deserved redemption, & she killed them for fun in traps that wouldn’t let them go even if they did whatever awful thing the trap demanded as a price for life, just for the fun and power trip of watching them die helpless & in agony. That was all her, & her alone. She sat in a house full of people slowly dying from organ decomposition over the course of a few hours, for no crime worse than drug addiction—the thing she of all people should have been most sympathetic to—knowing full well at any time she could have saved them and stopped the game, and did nothing. She held a woman in her arms and stroked her head lovingly while she let her die in one of the most inhumane ways possible for the crime of having not been able to break an addition. She got saved by a 16 year old child multiple times, who had done nothing more than shoplift, and stood by while he had to watch a man get his brains blown out, another burn to death in an oven. As his organs slowly dissolved too. Watched the kid kill another human being & massively traumatize himself to save her life. And responded to that by attacking & knocking him out, tying him up, locking him up for days in a tiny safe bound and gagged with an oxygen supply to keep him alive, to be a piece in another game. Left his father, who had shown up to try & save him, to starve to death in chains in a horrible abandoned rotting room, & never even told him his son was alive. Let every other addict die horribly, let that kid sustain permanent damage to his organs that will kill him young, antidote taken or not, took his dad from him, & went back to torturing without a second thought. Kidnapped a woman whose worst crime was being a doctor & dating someone while maybe separated instead of divorced from her husband, put her in a trap that would take her head off with shotgun blasts, threatened her for fun, & then killed her even after she did everything she was asked, because it was more important to her that the old man she was obsessed with think she was special and great, than for the other woman to get to stay alive another day & go home to her daughter. There is nothing sympathetic about Amanda. She’s just not only evil, but too spineless to take responsibility for her own choices & actions, & tries to hide behind a “UwU I am sad & lonely & damaged & having trauma means I can literally torture people to death to feel special & it’s really tragic and sympathetic about me, not evil. Uhm. Some people??? Commit torture-murders?? To cope??” And acting like she’s somehow a victim in this becuase she is a pretty white girl with short hair? Is fucked. Up.
But every. God damn. Time. I see this. Please. It needs. To stop. People go: “UwU pretty girl short hair want” & I go “Ok. I see where u. Come from. Indeed.” But then. They go. “Girl pretty I like. So she was blameless. For this atrocity.” Those words...
Every day. I wake up. Thinking of Janic saying. Iconically. “At least me and Regina George know we’re mean,” and I weep inside. Because I cannot fathom. Or stomach. The lack of responsibility. I will kill. Characters who cannot admit they are bad. Myself. But somehow. They become. Flames. To moths. Of the “UwU pretty white girl short hair. We stan. Victim. Queen. Love her. Never done wrong.” Boy. We all done wrong. Even all my faves. At least once. I think. ...not if we count dogs probably, but people, yes. Ok. Anyway. All this is to say. Characters. Should be judged. Based on what they did. And why. And the aftermath. Not a grouping tag. I don’t mean any of these. Make bad characters. At all. Amy is a great character. So is Jennifer. So are most of them. I have quite affection even. For Jeneffer specifically. But you can like. Character. Without proclaiming. Them perfect humans. Who never did a thing wrong. Or their acts somehow. Justifiable. And ok. And you better stop saying. Ok. Because done. To men. Men do not. Deserve violence. Any more. Than anyone else. No one deserves violence defacto for factors. Outside their control. Wtf. Really people. It’s ok too. For character. To do much bad stuff. And still like character. Villains. And often just complex characters. Sometimes just characters. Do stuff. That is bad. It’s not supposed to be not their fault. Or ok. Also. Women are not a sisterhood. Of flawless beings. Who never hurt anyone or do any bad stuff. They can. And are. Often purpotrators. Of awful acts. And when they are. It is still. Very bad. Still. An awful act. Same level. Even. Of awful. Wild.
In conclusion.
Having short hair. While a girl. Doesn’t make her a butch queen. Who is absolved of all responsibility for that murder she committed. It just makes her a girl with short hair. That did a murder. I’m gonna. Kill someone. Too. And if I chop my hair off. I guess I can get away with it.
#personal#*dances wildly to abba music while delivering speech*#some of you all apparently really need a girl to come fuck up your life bc the lengths to which some of y’all so devotedly seem to believe#women are less evil is astronomical. and let me tell you. from personal experience? a girl can ruin your life. just as easily. and with as#little pity. guilt. remorse. or afterthought. as a man. and it aint any more ok. & you know what? so can a fluid person. or a nonbinary#person. legit anyone. can be bad. or good. and do bad. or good. theyre not defacto worse for coming from X starting point. and theyre also.#OuO not. better.#not everyone who likes or is sympathetic to these specific characters even be like that either like u know what? its possible to both be#sypathetic to a character & not excuse & atand their actions. I like & feel bad for Jennifer. a lot. one of my bros in college loved Jane#from twdg. Not bc she thought it was totally fine she’d been super evil though. its *dances* not that hard actually#also nothin against lovin evil lady characters or evil characters in general. just me or anyone else loving them does nothing to make their#evil deeds suddely ok or vanish into the mist#people have some real trouble w nuance huh. folks like a character & assume that means stanning everything theyve ever done. hate a charactr#and suddenly forget how to factor any outside factors into their view of said person’s actions. its a wild bad ride yo#like i get it. im a girl & ive had plenty of men ruin my life i truly get it. but is there anything truly more detrimental to feminism & to#just treating people decent in general than the WomenDoNoWrong mindset & apologism thrown up like its actually a decent counter t patriarchy#? probably actually yeah im sure there are worse. but its still REALLY not good!! feminism is just a stance that all people deserve equal#treatment & an investment in pursuing that reality. if youre excusing people of horrible actions bc girl & treating violence against non-#women as fine youre not a feminist u actually just suck generally as a person#i also lose my mind how half the characters i see get this treatment aint even lesbians & often explicitly like men yet get both assigned#that & treated like that sexuality is a hall pass for human rights violations. im dyin#this entire thought rant was prompted by reading a post earlier today about bi-phobia & gettin mad about how bi people get treated idk how#spagheti brain exactly went there to here so /fast/ but anyway. same brand of problematic. & i am v tired :] of this :] specifically :]#every time i see that post abt women killers in horror i am like ‘OP hiw are your points so good but all your examples so /terrible/.’ rip#i guess this is just life. and i feel excessively better after screaming jnto the void of my blog#also i get it gertrude robinson wanted to stop the apocalypse but fuck gertrude robinson she has no excuse. nothing could justify what she#did to people who loved her. and shes a well written and layered character whonisnt like just pure evil but she is VERY bad and i WILL kill#her (again) myself if given the chance & i have every right to.#spoilers#again. great charcters. amanda an iconic saw villain. gertrude fascinating. etc. but also. they be doing mad evil deeds & tis not ok
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peachringwithpiss · 2 years
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Inside Job music + dance hc
Ok so I was thinking about this earlier so now you guys have to deal
Reagan
I literally can only see her listening to the radio
Like flipping through stations everyday to fit her mood
She likes 2000s pop/punk though and has a youtube playlist of her favorite songs
What I'm trying to say is she's basic but will jam to MCR if given the chance
She does like the white woman shimmy but other than that cannot and does not dance lmao
Brett
80s rock like this is just canon
AC/DC, Bon Jovi, Journey, Guns N' Roses, Dave Matthews Band lmao
The whole nine yards
But just like imagine walking past the most unthreatening person in the office and hearing "welcome to the jungle" blasting out of his headphones
Since he was a goth/jock in high school he will also listen to shit like MCR with Reagan
90'S COUNTRY
LISTEN JUST HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!
Ok 1. Since he was born in the 90s I feel like thats what he would have been hearing on the radio and 2. YOURE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME BRETT HAND WOULD NOT LISTEN TO GARTH BROOKS
His playlists are a fucking mess
We all saw the clip, he heard dance like no ones watching and took it heart
Like don't even try to insult him cus I'd like to see you do better with that much confidence
Anyway thats enough of Brett
Glenn
Glenn listens to SiriusXM ASHDLSKDHALDJDSL
Specifically Willie's Roadhouse
Like Johnny Cash vibes fr
He has an Amazon Music playlist that's just the American anthem on loop for 10 hours
He is secretly really into like dad rock/metal
So like Rob Zombie, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Nirvana
When he got divorced he blasted ABBA and Fleetwood bc they reminded him of his ex
He can square-dance nothing else
Andre
He has a playlist for literally any occasion
Disco/dance?- Camel by Camel (he would listen to it unironically), Funkytown, Earth Wind + Fire, Play That Funky Music
Girlboss(aka gigi)- Doja, cupcakKe, Lizzo, Nicki, Full Tac, Shakira, Lily Allen, Harry Styles, Lady Gaga, Yung Gravy
Sad- Mitski, Cody Fry, Hallelujah(shrek ver.), The Moldy Peaches
Random(aka myc lmao)- Soul Bossa Nova, icp, Oingo Boingo, the entire mlp discography, A Cruel Angel's Thesis, Dan Bull, The Living Tombstone
You get the gist they're all over the place, but he also has a curated playlist for everyone in the gang so give him the aux fr
I like to think he took ballroom lessons when he was younger so if ever needed he could do about any well known style
Other than that he dances about as well as you'd expect from someone who is constantly high
Gigi
I basically already said the gist of it in Andre's
She is the definition of Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss
What people dont know is that she is a total theater nerd
She has the entire 3 hours of Hamilton memorized and can recite it verbatim
In the heights? Yup. Rocky Horror? You bet your ass. Grease? Regrettably lmao
Her comfort movie is Dirty Dancing
She probably had an aneurysm when Mamma Mia came out
She photoshops her Spotify Wrapped every year, because having The Phantom Of The Opera in her top 5 isnt exactly on brand
Speaking of she can hit christines high notes lmao
The only person here that can actually dance
She eats and leaves no crumbs
Myc 💀
You know male manipulator music
Yeah that
Askaldhalksdfgds
MSI, ICP, Hollywood Undead, Filthy Frank
And like no one can tell if its ironic or not and theyre frankly too scared to ask
He also listens to like 80s era er0tic club music
So like Love Shack- The B-52s, Super Freak- Rick James, Girls on Film- Duran Duran, Carless Whisper- George Michael
I want you to look me in the eyes and explain to me how Myc would dance....
Thats right he can't............ not as a mushroom that is
As a human he'd tear that shit up are you kidding me
They would be one of those people that can dance when there's not music
Alpha-Beta
I'm only adding AB because ❤him❤
He would and could listen to hours of static he doesnt need to listen to music
But that doesnt mean if you took a radio down to him he'd be mad
(Ps he really like the friends theme song and if you told him there was an extended vers hed have a conniption)
Cannot dance because he has one arm and no legs, but even if he had legs he doubts he'd ever dance
Thats a lie this domestic bitchboy would 100% dance with a partner hes just an asshole
OMG this was my first time writing something like this, I hope y'all like it :)
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🦋🕸🏹🍳💧🔥❔
🦋 feel good song - “Strawberry Blond” by Mitski (it has the best vibes)
🕸 spooky song- “Mordred’s Lullaby” by Heather Dale (y’all i love her music with all my heart)
🏹 pump up song- “Mamma Mia”  abba songs always get me pumped
🍳 calming song - “Epic III (”They danced”) [Instrumental]” from Hadestown (i have a playlist of soundtrack songs and instrumentals from hadestown that i listen to when im not doin well and theyre the best stress relievers)
💧 sad song- “I’ll Cover You (Reprise)” from Rent (guess who sobs every time they watch the movie)
🔥 angry song - this is probably said a lot but “Little Lion Man” by Mumford & Sons (whether you just vibe to it or whether it’s an angry and emotional song depends whether or not you actually listen to the words and feel them in your soul)
❔i straight up just put my entire library on shuffle - i did two of these because not everyone likes musical theatre so one is “Streak of Madness” (the Anthony Warlow version) from Jeckyll & Hyde and the other is “Where Are You Now” by Mumford & Sons
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shhhhyoursister · 5 years
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AHHHHH @rimbaux tagged me in this so im gonna!!!! do it!!!!! flo ily!!!!!!!
rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people
tagging: @chlouais @sovereign-of-the-castle @vildelesbianqueen @davenziabend @bagels-and-seagulls @sourflorenzi im not gonna tag leaf cause they tagged flo and flo tagged harri so im also not gonna tag my husband sadly akdjajfja
nickname: oh jeez ive got a few!!! i got nog and noggins from the dod, i used to be called nj at camp, and my friend calls me "baby cocktail" cause theres a drink at a restaurant we go to a lot called that and well,, i AM baby
zodiac sign: scorpio sun/pisces moon!!! im much more pisces though!!!!!
height: yo im like 5'2' im tiny
hogwarts house: i used to want to be cool so id say slytherin but im absolutely NOT a slytherin im a fuckin hufflepuff aldjajfka
last thing i googled: "spotify pauses when i open other apps iphone" thats so boring aldjaj sorry but it keeps HAPPENING and i HATE it
fave musicians: oh god here we go; sufjan stevens, lizzo, janelle monae, dixie chicks, beatles, green day, troye sivan, abba, mom jeans, hhh thats all i can think of rn????
song stuck in my head: recently its been "dance this mess around" by the b-52s which is,,, a very interesting song!!!!! i love it!!!!!!
following: 638 YIKES most are probably inactive though lol (im gonna copy harri and add that my main is @beachboburt so if you get followed from that it me!!!!!!!)
followers: oh jeez here its 188 and i love every single one of you!!!!!
do you get asks?: i do when i ask people to send me prompts or questions usually, and then sometimes i get a random one and it makes me 😭😭 its my FAVORITE THING
amount of sleep: lmao hhhh on average id say like 4 hours a night???? its all thanks to the dungeon gays and timezones being homophobic
what are you wearing?: black shorts and a shirt from my high school music department lol it was a lazy day and super warm out!!!
dream job: my goal is to work with kids with autism spectrum disorders and its honestly also my dream job????
dream trip: oooo i really want to go to greece and italy cause theyre so pretty but also i want to go back to portland, oregon cause that place was so fun and gay!!!!!!!!
instruments: ive played the clarinet for like 12 years (im actually like highkey really good) and i can also play the guitar and ukulele!!!!
languages: im a native english speaker and me and flo have actually talked ahout this before but i took french dor 6 years and i dont remember any of it besides a few dumb words, and im currently learning ASL and i really want to get good at that!!!
10 favorite songs: oh my god this is tough but ill try my best (this changes day by day)
1. dance yrself clean (lcd soundsystem)
2. wicked little town-reprise (hedwig and the angry inch)
3. love shack (b-52s)
4. dont wanna fall in love (green day)
5. the good side (troye sivan)
6. truth hurts (lizzo)
7. i dont trust u anymore (left at london)
8. casimir pulaski day (sufjan stevens)
9. how have you been? (tom rosenthal)
10. song that might play when you fight sans (undertale lmao)
random fact: um something thats like a big part of who i am (which sounds kind of dumb tbh but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) is that i have like,, big curly hair??? like lots of curly hair and its just really important to me???
aesthetic: sweaters, baggy shirts and fuckboy shorts/pants, hearts and smiles and winks and blushing, music all the time, dark hair dark eyes, dogs dogs dogs, loving my friends, very enthusiastic when im involved in something, lots of punctuation!!!!!, scootering around campus, forehead and cheek kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this was so fun AHHHH
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kevinwastaken · 4 years
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3, 6, 7,8!
OH WORM???? THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING
3. favourite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?
thats difficult uh????? i’d have to say abba lol i always liked dancing queen but never listened to their other songs and theyre really good so like??? skdkfkfk
another choice would be donna summer bc i first listened to her songs from the musical but then i heard one of her actual songs in a party city and here we are, with a spotify playlist of just donna summer lmao
6. episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?
oh god i dont think i could point out a specific episode that defines the year lmao bc i forgot almost all the tv ive watched this year other than like. black monday, stranger things, and i guess the big bang theory because when i get paranoid i turn it on before i fall asleep so?? skdkfk sorry lol
7. favourite actor of the year?
listen. youre probably expecting me to say andrew rannells but. its not andrew rannells
my favourite for this year is actually finn wolfhard 😎😎 and let me tell you why
somehow i joined the hype train 2 years late?? i got into both stranger things AND it (the movie) this year and he was in bOth so you cant just expect me not to pick him lmaodjfjcj and??? hes such a talented dude i mean cmon hes great
8. game of the year?
im assuming you mean video game so im just going to say undertale lmao— i beat it five times, 4 of those times being the genocide route (which i havent completed until this year) and its so much fun so??? thats it
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viralhottopics · 7 years
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Trump promised to wipe out Isis perhaps he already has … | Rich Hall
The president promised he would have a plan to defeat the radical jihadis within 30 days of taking office. I, for one, am willing to believe in this steely man of action
Our current president is like no other. He has achieved that rare feat of being both straightforward and cryptic at the same time. He vowed to curtail Muslim immigration and, immediately on taking office, put the squeeze on the Sudanese. Thank God for that because if they actually had an airport, Sudanese people would be descending on America like drunken coach tourists at a Vegas Hooters.
But then he spiels something about terrorists in Sweden that baffles everyone, especially the Swedes, who cant make a lick of sense of what hes talking about. And these are the people who invented Ikea.
Let me just say that I understand Trumps abstruse elocution. After all, Im a guy who bothered to listen to Dylans epically arcane Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands enough times to figure out it was actually about his drummer.
One of Trumps oft-repeated campaign promises was a guaranteed plan to wipe out Islamic State within 30 days of taking office. Understandably, he refused to tell anyone exactly what that plan was. Everyone will take the idea, run with it, and the people will forget where it came from, he explained. During the third presidential debate, he tipped his hand slightly: Whatever happened to the element of surprise, OK? These people have all left. Theyve all left. Douglas MacArthur, George Patton are spinning in their graves at the stupidity of our country.
I, for one, am willing to believe my president is a man of action. Thus I can only assume that at some point, on or around 20 February of this year, Trump exterminated Isis. Any subsequent media mention of their nefarious activity is fake news.
Obviously, we dont know exactly how this all went down because if Trump revealed that intel, someone would steal it, use it to wipe out other terrorist organisations and forget to give him due credit, which is downright rude.
Trumps first month of lies
Ive taken it upon myself to speculate how and where this epic battle to defeat Isis took place, pieced together from bits of information I have gleaned from the news. I cant emphasise enough that Im just spitballing here but I think it probably happened in Sweden. This explains the mystifying allusion to a lot of terrorists there. Is it not possible that the bulk of Isiss recruits, concentrated mostly in Mosul and Raqqa were systematically beaten back to the outskirts of Stockholm?
It makes sense. Nobody in Sweden is paying any attention to world events. Theyre too busy eyeballing their next-door neighbours income-tax statements or watching slow TV broadcasts of a train chugging through snowbanks. More importantly, in terms of rendering and extracting vital information from captives, Sweden is the ideal place. It openly condones torture, as anyone who has ever listened to Abba knows.
It is curious that Trump invoked Patton and McArthur in his purposely veiled strategy two generals obsessed with vanquishing their enemy by chasing them across vast swathes of a continent. They must have been desperate, Isis, churning up the earth in full retreat, tattered, disoriented, pausing only to phone up some department stores in the US, passing themselves off as fashion buyers, demanding Ivankas line of haute-couture clothing be dropped. If thats not the last desperate act of a decimated army, I dont know what is.
Where exactly was Trump on 20 February? Ill tell you where. Dining poolside at his swanky Mar-a-Lago retreat in Florida, watching fellow members swimming in $100 bills like Scrooge McDuck, and probably conducting a fake meeting with cabinet members. The perfect ruse! While diners within earshot could openly listen in on discussions of what they assumed was top-level national security policy, the real policy was being carried out in the suburbs of Stockholm: Isis was being slaughtered wholesale. Thats a bacchanalian scenario straight out of the Third Reich. Although by no means should we make the mistake of comparing Trump to Hitler; Hitler managed to get elected without the help of the Russians.
Whether or not Trumps achievement will halt the furious rotisserating of dead generals is anybodys guess. Patton stopped the German army. MacArthur stopped the Koreans. Isis consists of 160,000 recruits. To put this in perspective, there were 160,000 people at a Lionel Richie set at Glastonbury last year. Im not playing down the evil of Isis. Im just saying that the appeal of travelling to a jihadi stronghold to engage in spilling the blood of apostates is no more or less appealing than standing in mud and watching a guy sing about dancing on a ceiling.
Wait a minute, Rich, youre probably thinking. Given Trumps unbridled narcissism, surely he would have tweeted this monumental event in ALL CAPS by now? Youve forgotten that Trumps strategy is two-pronged. He not only promised to bomb the shit out of Isis, he also promised to take all their oil. Given the logistical constraints of getting all that oil to America, Trump is probably waiting until the last batch arrives before lording it up over all his detractors. I personally look forward to those Isis-brand gas stations opening soon on American street corners.
Rich Halls Countrier Than You is on BBC4 on Friday 17 March
Read more: http://bit.ly/2mYNtxy
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