#things being ephemeral is both lovely and gut wrenching and I HATE the duality of it

[stuckinapril]

Idk if this is a me thing but sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of forestalling grief. Scared that I might lose someone, scared that something might end, scared what I’d do if it did end. I have to be extremely intentional to live in the moment & not consider the long-term consequences of truly immersing myself in something or someone, for the undeniable fact that all things have an end. I wish this was a thing my brain chemistry accepts, but it really does fuck w me every now and then. Sometimes it feels like no moment will feel better than the current one, and that’s one of the most bittersweet things ever