#things i don't like: having to make stressful choices that make me feel guilty

[senselessalchemist]

attempting to draw after weeks of not drawing ft. my tav. probably shoulda made them a bard because it's all charisma all the time but no. they are a rogue

[autistichalsin]

Some of my favorite, understated moments with heartbreaking implications for Halsin

1. Halsin threatening to turn into a mouse in the epilogue if the player brags about his achievements- he's so shy and humble that just being acknowledged for LITERALLY BUILDING A COMMUNE HIMSELF makes him want to hide. A mouse is a very symbolic choice here: not only easy to hide, but also easily overlooked and forgotten. The idea of his accomplishments being acknowledged is so terrifying for him that he wants to turn into an animal no one will notice, instead of his usual strong, large, noticeable bear.

2. "Sometimes, I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt." This isn't the kind of thing that happens after one or two people act like jerks. This is years and years of cruel treatment, of his emotions being demeaned and mocked because of his size. Of people judging him before even meeting him- and forming an entirely wrong view of him. Halsin is a bighearted, tender, sentimental man, yet because he's big... Well, big people don't have feelings, surely. /s

3. "You and I may struggle to go unnoticed in such environs, Karlach[...] Folk of our stature can be a lure for drunkards seeking a brawl, I have found," combined with, "There is a particular discomfort to besting one you know to be weaker than yourself - even when needs must," from a different scene. People have sought him out and fought him because of his size (which had to have been terrifying, especially the first time), and he feels guilty when he takes out someone he knows is weaker, even if they STARTED it. How many times has the poor guy been traveling and then had to defend himself against someone 1/2 his size, making HIM look like the asshole to onlookers, and reinforcing that whole "people think I can't be hurt" thing?

4. "It was always destined to be so, if we prevailed. But the foreknowledge makes it no less bittersweet..." (About the players' paths diverging post brain battle), combined with "I see... After all my years of living, I know all too well that nothing lasts forever. Yet a parting can sting, nonetheless," if the player breaks up with him in the ending. This poor guy was having the time of his life adventuring with the group (and possibly falling in love there) yet never believed it would truly last (because of his abandonment issues). And then to have it confirmed.... he must have felt so awful in that moment, even if he was being dignified about it.

5. "You came for me... thank you. I feared Orin's accursed smile would be the very last sight I beheld," when Halsin is freed from Orin, combined with, "Orin's blades. I hoped my friends would save me..." If he is killed by Orin instead and Speak With the Dead is used on his corpse. The tone of his voice in the first line, especially added to that bit in the second... he never thought the player was coming to save him. He HOPED they would. Not "believed". Hoped. He thought he was going to die there- just like how he was in the Underdark for THREE YEARS and no one came to save him. And if it's confirmed... Yeah. That. (Sidenote: if you ask his corpse if he has any regrets, he says not telling Thaniel and Oliver goodbye, and not getting to see their land flourish. :( My heart. :( )

6. "I... have not had true confidantes for some time. The Shadow Curse robbed me of almost all my peers, and replaced them with the weight of responsibility. Perhaps that caused me to gild undeserving memories of my youth." Halsin was so miserable and stressed being Archdruid that he romanticized his past as a sex slave, viewing it as a safer, even happier alternative. There were actually times when Halsin thought he might rather be a sex slave than continue to be Archdruid. In a sense, for the 100 years the Shadow Curse was around, Halsin was just as much a prisoner as Thaniel was in the Shadowfell, but Halsin's prison had invisible bars. The Shadow Curse took away his entire support system, and being Archdruid forced him to be the strong one, always, never allowed to be weak or scared, forced him to take control of situations when he hated it, forced him to spend his time sorting out people instead of being in nature. And he was MISERABLE. For 100 years.

7. "You understand me almost perfectly. Only my late mother may have bested you." (Said if you get one question wrong at the love dryad test). He misses his mama. :( Especially when you consider that if you steal Balthazar's "Mother Dearest" and taunt him about it, Halsin disapproves (and is the only one to do so), while returning her gets you approval (which only Halsin approves of). And then the line when you look into a mirror while controlling him, "more like my father, with each passing day..." He really misses them. :(

8. "I am loathe to see anyone behind bars. It reminds me of my time as a guest of the goblins." He is, secretly, still quite traumatized from his time in the goblin pens, but he brushes it off. Just like every OTHER time he is hurt.

9. "I am aware [of having a habit of getting captured]. Perhaps I put too much faith in my skills of negotiation, or want to see good where there is none. It would be easy to resort to nature's fury whenever something stood in my way, yet I cannot help but feel I would be sullying the Oak Father's gifts. Naive perhaps... but I still draw breath." Halsin is aware he gets hurt often because of his desire to see good in people until he has no other choice, but refuses to give up anyway (which is backed up by that letter Gut had on her where she reveals Halsin TRIED to help the goblins, saying he could cure them of their tadpoles, only to be thrown in the cage, with Gut threatening to have his stomach cut open and maggots placed inside it.) Further, even though he is an Archdruid, and one of the most devoted, and explicitly has Silvanus's favor (Halsin says that gaining his favor was the only way he was able to open the portal to the Shadowfell), he still constantly worries about using Silvanus's powers, to the point of wondering if an actual threat to his safety actually merits using his powers. Which... combined with some other stuff, reads like one hell of a problem with self-worth.

10. "At least you were not present. Grim as [the ruined battlefield] is now, it was worse on the day of the battle. A vivid wound upon my memory[...] I was lucky - I lived, when so many did not. It would take me a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends I lost" combined with, "I was [present when the Shadow Curse was unleashed]. Part of my spirit was shorn away from me here, and never left," and, if Last Light falls, "All gone... devoured by the shadows. Oak Father preserve us, it's just like a hundred years ago[...] We are [still standing]. Yet there is a burden to being the survivor... the witness to others' tragedies. It only grows heavier with time." He has so much PTSD and survivor guilt from the Shadow Curse. :( No wonder it's all he can think about- to the point that some of the other companions even get annoyed at him for his obsession.

11. "I never quite realised how burdened I was, until I met you. The threat of the shadow curse, the politics of the grove... I was forgetting who I was, but you lifted the fog. Thank you." Not only does this tie in with the above, with his PTSD from the curse and his utter misery at being Archdruid, but this HEAVILY implies Halsin had depression. Like... that "fog" line hits HARD if you have or have had depression, because that's exactly what it feels like. And the "forgetting who I was" bit too. Not just losing his sense of self to the depression, but to the neverending responsibilities of being Archdruid. I keep repeating myself, but damn, this guy has really and truly spent an entire century being absolutely MISERABLE. :(

12. "Forgive me. I... lost the run of myself. Sometimes, if blood runs hot enough, it's difficult to tame the beast." With that little disgusted groan/sigh, the fury and disgust at himself visible on his face, and the way he rushes to get out the rest of it- he thinks he fucked up so badly that you're about to leave him, maybe forever. And then if you reject him after this? "Ah... I see. Well, of course. Back to camp then." He has the most heartbroken look on his face here, and the way he says "of course" like he just... knew this was coming the instant he accidentally wildshaped. He felt that the first time he let ANY of his imperfections show, the player would leave him. :(

13. "Death is nature's final slumber - it awaits us all. Do not punish yourself over those lost, or give in to despair - not while there are still folk in need of your help." (Said to a Dark Urge if they tell him they're not much of a hero and most people needing them end up dead) Not only is Halsin speaking from experience here, but it's very clear he is STILL doing exactly what he tells Durge not to do, to himself- punishing himself over those who were lost, struggling with devastating survivor guilt.

14. "The grove has cut itself off from the world, to jealously guard its own little pocket of nature. No one shall ever enter or leave again. And I have been evicted from the very place I was charged to safeguard. A telling summary of my time as Archdruid, perhaps..." If the Grove is sealed and you ask him about it later, this is what he says. Interesting that he views being evicted from the place he was in charge of protecting to be a "telling summary." He was forced to take the leadership role there, and yet it was clear he wasn't wanted or respected by a great number of the Druids (exempting Nettie, Rath, and Apikusis). He got a truly thankless job that took damn near EVERYTHING from him emotionally/mentally, causing him to develop depression and causing him to backslide in his previous healing from his trauma from his time as a sex slave, he still gave EVERYTHING to the Grove, and in return...... almost none of his Druids appreciated or even liked him. (I could seriously write at least five metas about how obviously miserable Halsin was at the Grove, despite caring for it deeply).

15. "You could have done anything, gone with anyone... yet you chose me." Said at the epilogue to a solo romanced player who went to the commune with him. There's so many layers of heartbreak here. He is still surprised, six months later, that the player chose him. He even thinks the player will regret it, and will decide they want an adventurer's life after all after seeing everyone else. He doesn't think he is good enough- doesn't think he deserves the player, and yet at the same time he loves them so much that he is heartbroken over the possibility they might agree with him. He thinks that given a chance, there is little chance they would actually choose him again. (He is put at ease quickly when the player promises they picked him for a reason, but even the explanation he gives for why he was so worrie is heartbreaking- that he's so used to a tumultuous life that he thinks something must go wrong. He has been so traumatized so many times over the years that he just has almost no ability to think that true happiness is possible [or deserved] for him.) Something about that is just heartbreaking, even though his ending is one of the happiest of any of the companions.

Someone give this sweet bear man a hug, please :(

[lempeeartz]

Tell me - BKDK oneshot

(spoilers for recent manga stuff btw)

~

Izuku let out a weary sigh as the last of his students left the classroom, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It was finally the end of the day.

He stood behind the lectern, head now in his hands as he recalled a conversation from three days before.

—

“It hurts to stay and I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you wanted.”

“I'm really sorry—“

“Bye, Izuku.”

—

Izuku still felt so terrible for what happened. It was such a messy situation, and he felt so guilty. His partner had broken up with him and he hadn't been able to not think about it.

He hadn't really been sleeping either, and being a teacher now on top of everything was so stressful. He was always busy. Being tired wasn't an option, but he didn't have much of a choice.

Izuku was a horrible person.

What kind of guy gets into a relationship when he has feelings for someone else?

He's so stupid. Of course things would've ended up this way. And the thing keeping him up at night wasn't even the breakup. He didn't really care that his partner was gone. He just felt bad for being a dick, but he didn't miss them. Not really anyway.

Izuku stared around the empty classroom.

Ugh, he needed to focus on other things. He should probably be on his way home.

“You okay, nerd?”

“Kacchan!”

The sudden voice made Izuku jump out of his skin. He caught some papers that almost hit the floor and gently placed them back on the lectern. “I hadn't, um, expected you!”

Katsuki raised his eyebrow, clearly now suspecting something. “I was in the neighborhood, figured I'd stop by.”

“Of course! Right..” Izuku watched the other in the doorway. Katsuki was in his hero costume, presumably because his shift was soon. Why was he here again??

Katsuki strolled into the room “What's got your panties in a twist? You're so skittish and weird. Or, you know what, that definitely sounds normal, nevermind.”

“Yes, how original, Kacchan.” Izuku deadpanned.

Rolling his eyes, Katsuki leaned against the lectern. “Spit it out. Something is obviously up with you.”

Katsuki waited for a few moments before Izuku reluctantly sighed.

“I kind of got.. broken up with.”

The blonde’s expression faded into a softer concern. “Oh.. Damn. Sorry to hear that.”

Izuku waved his hands around, “No, no, I'm fine. Really! Don't get all sappy on me, haha.”

“I ain't being sappy, I'm just saying that sucks. Being dumped and all. Been there.”

Katsuki had said it so nonchalantly but Izuku’s ears perked up instantly.

“Wait what?? YOU were dumped???”

“Shit, wait–”

“I didn't know you were dumped! How did it happen? When did it happen? Why didn't you tell me? Kacchan–”

“If you shut your trap, maybe I'll tell you.”

Izuku's voice immediately cut off as his eyes widened in suspense.

Sighing heavily, Katsuki gruffly said, “I had a small thing in our last year of UA. It was brief. That's why you didn't know about it. It was really nothing.” He crossed his arms, not really making eye contact.

“But it sounds like you got broken up with– did it hurt?”

“Nah, it wasn't really serious. I'm fine, though. It's been a while.”

Izuku didn't want to pry more, because it felt so insensitive but.. it was a while ago. “Um, who was it?”

“Nosy little fuck, aren't you?”

“It's been a few years! I figured it was fine to ask!”

Katsuki smiled amusingly, “Fine. It was mind freak.”

“SHINSO???”

“JESUS– WHY DON'T YOU SCREAM IT LOUDER?”

Izuku clasped a hand over his mouth, muffling his apology before whispering, “Shinso?? That's random, isn't it?”

“Eh,” Shrugging his shoulders, Katsuki added, “I kinda just wanted to see what it was like dating a guy. I guess I kinda used him. Not for anything physical, though, I ain't a fucking asshole.”

“I see..”

Izuku was surprised by who Katsuki picked. Shinso’s, like, the furthest thing from who he could've imagined. Maybe it kind of makes sense though.. huh. Wait–

“You're into guys?”

Tilting his head towards Izuku, Katsuki observed him carefully before responding. “Yeah. I am.”

Izuku looked away from Katsuki’s intense gaze, “Oh. Um, same.”

There were a few quiet moments before Katsuki broke the silence.

“Yeah, you look gay.”

“Alright, that's enough of that.” Izuku rolled his eyes and got his belongings together. “Shouldn't you be going on your shift now?”

“I have some time left.”

Izuku glanced up at Katsuki’s teasing smirk and felt his heart speed up. He quickly averted his gaze. “Uh, I should probably be on my way, though. Gotta catch the train, right?”

Making his way around Katsuki, Izuku began to walk towards the doorway, turning slightly to wave goodbye at him.

Before he could make it down the corridor, though, Izuku heard Katsuki call him from a few ways behind.

“Hold up!”

Pausing, Izuku turned, “Hm? Kacchan, what's up?”

Coming to a stop, Katsuki scratched the back of his neck, “I just wanted to ask if you've been eating. You know, since the break up and all that.”

“Oh! Uh, occasionally? I've been a bit too busy to really cook or anything..”

“Geez, why do you suck at even taking care of yourself? You're a mess.”

“Wow, thanks? Sorry we're not all perfect like you, Kacchan.”

“Seriously, don't skip meals. I get that you're ‘fine’ but that's insane.”

“Did you just come down here to lecture me? Honestly, when you act like this it makes me wonder why I even like–” Izuku stumbled over his words when he realized what he was about to say, “Um like, you know?”

Wow, nice save.

“Like what?”

Izuku could feel his face reddening with every second that passed. “Like? I didn't say like, I said… Mike.”

Narrowing his eyes, Katsuki clicked his tongue. “Mike. Really?”

Izuku scoffed, “Yes, really.”

Katsuki moved closer, closing the gap between them. “Bullshit. You're a terrible liar, Izuku.”

“K-Kacchan..” He gulped lamely, “You're a bit close.” Izuku could feel Katsuki’s breath against his face, he was way too close..

“Am I? Guess you'll have to tell me what you were really gonna say to get me to back off.”

Izuku’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates at this point. Holy shit was this really happening??

“I… might've said that I can't believe I like.. you. Like, like you. Like, I really, really like you. Like, I like like you. I should probably stop saying like now–”

Before Izuku knew it, he felt Katsuki’s lips pressed against his own, soft but firm. But just as quick as it happened, it was over.

“That was sort of to shut you up, not gonna lie.”

Izuku snorted, “Yeah I probably needed that..”

Katsuki smiled genuinely as he put his hand on Izuku’s face, feeling the flustered warmth, and then wiping at Izuku’s watery eyes, “Christ, I think I almost killed you.”

The two chuckled as Izuku sniffled, tears now streaming down his face. He'd been going through so many emotions recently that now it was just pouring out of him. His heart throbbed in guilt.

“I just feel so regretful that I didn't tell you sooner. If I had, I wouldn’t have gotten with my partner— ex— in the first place! Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt their feelings.” Izuku hiccuped tearfully.

“Hey, it's gonna be okay.” Katsuki kissed Izuku’s freckled nose. “It would’ve been worse if they stayed with you. They saved their own ass from even more pain. And yeah, you were kinda stupid. But you told me your feelings now, and that's really all that matters, right?.. Then again, I probably should've said something too. Maybe we're both stupid.”

Hugging Katsuki tightly, Izuku let out a watery laugh. He began to feel like maybe things would finally be okay now.

(Little did Izuku know, the next day Katsuki surprised him with his new hero suit and Izuku sobbed up an entire ocean once again)

[coeurdelain]

It’s always « poor Lulu » and never « poor Elain ».

Elain who had a mother who didn’t care about her. A mother who only cared about Elain’s beauty and what that beauty could bring her. A mother who didn’t believe in her. A mother who said she had no ambition, and that she only cared about her gardens. A mother who wanted Elain to have an advantageous marriage.

Elain who saw her father’s death. ( and maybe she feels guilty for his death for not arriving sooner. The fact she said nothing could have saved him. Did she have to make a choice between saving Nesta and Cassian or her father ? A life for a life. We don't know if changing the future can have consequences. )

Elain who saw both of her sisters almost die in front of her.

Elain who has been kidnapped two times. (And we don��t know her thoughts about it.)

Elain who was thrown in the cauldron. (Feyre literally said that Elain’s screams broke her heart and Nesta said she felt violated ») Also, the fact Elain was thrown the first one, she didn’t know if she would survive. She had to deal with pain, stress, fear and also, the humiliation when almost all of the men in the room laughed at her. Also, the fact she was almost naked in front of them.

Elain who had her heart broken by Graysen. He rejected her because she is a fae now. He didn’t accept her as she was. And during this time, she had to learn to love a body that people made her hate (people seems to forgot but for Nesta and Elain, Faes weren’t good people. They learned to fear and hate them.) All the sisters had to deal with this transition. Be the thing they learned to hate. They were humans and now they are faes. They saw their lives changed overnight.

Elain who had to deal with her new power. She was lost between reality and dreams. She saw and heard things that no one else saw and heard. She must have also thought she was crazy or something was wrong with her. Until Azriel told her she was a seer. She blinked and woke up. (And it makes me laugh when people said that she needed sunlight or see the gardens when it is written in the book that « she woke up »when Azriel told her she was a seer. You can’t make an interpretation when it’s literally written).

I also add that Elain was depressed in the beginning of ACOWAR. She wasn’t eating, she didn’t speak, she was staying in her bedroom.

And finally, Elain who had to deal with a mate while she is interested in someone else. A mate who reminder her of her trauma. A mate who reminds her the worst day of her life probably. (It’s also why I prefer Elriel than Elucien or even Gwynriel. The first meeting between two characters is very important to me, and the circumstances in which Gwynriel and Elucien met are just too sad. Elain and Gwyn look at them and they remember the worst day of their life, it’s not very romantic to me).

So, the lack of compassion for Elain is so incomprehensible. She’s literally the definition of suffer in silence.

And, I’am tired of seeing comment like « Lucien deserves to be happy ». They act like Lucien carried all the misery of the world on his shoulders.

All the characters suffered.

[proton-selfships]

So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).

Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.

(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)

And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.

Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!

Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)

I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole

But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?

(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)

[jewish-vents]

I'm tired of reblogging posts about antisemitism and I/P. I want my blog to go back to being my space to detach from the world where I just share things that I like and that make me happy. But I see my friends and so many of the people I followed before Oct 7th spreading misinformation and antisemitism that I feel like I don't have a choice. I'm too scared to actually message anyone and explain to them what's wrong with what they're posting, so instead I reblog posts that call those things out and try to educate people in hopes that they see them, but it also makes me afraid to enter any spaces that aren't specifically Jewish. I just got into a new fandom, but I haven't followed anyone in it because what if they'll block me or send me hate for being Jewish or for defending the existence of Israel even though I've also defended Palestine? It's been so isolating and stressful but I also can't stop feeling guilty for complaining about something as unimportant as this

Fear, loneliness and isolation aren't unimportant, and they need to be talked about. Many of us are going through similar things and understand how you're feeling. I hope you find people that you can feel safe with

[poemnic-tarot]

The Next 3 months Forecast - Timeless PAC Reading⛅️🍎

(Disclaimer: This is a general reading please only take what resonate. For entertainment purposes only)

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Check out my master list: PAC Reading Master List

This is a PAID Reading example!!!!. If you resonate with is you can order a paid reading from me exactly like this here: Paid Reading

Don't forget to save it! screenshot for future Guidance!!

This is a Timeless PAC Reading, it will apply to whatever time you are reading this.

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Pile 1🫧❄️

Energy check : The frog

"Treat yourself like how you want your parent to treat you"

Pile 1 you might feel a bit conflicted between to keep going or stopping or resting for a while. It is conflicting to you because you feel quite burdensome, like you have a lot of things to do and on your plate.You may have a conscious or unconscious high expectation of yourself to get everything done, even-though you don't really feel like it at all. You might feel depleted and in need of a break and it is vital that you do so. We cannot run with an empty fuel or even if we do we won't go far either.

It is time to nourish yourself with self care activities that you might have been putting off. Put down worries and stress for a while and if resting make you feel guilty, it is also the perfect time to examine on the reason why that is. Rest is your birth right, no need to earned it.

Pile 1 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

❄️🫧1st Month - 5 of swords🫧❄️

"Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another" - Toni Morrison

The Artist greatest tortured has alway been the process of creation. It is when we have no idea if what we are currently working on will turn out like we hope for/or expected. That is how life is, a process, a work in progress. Remember that there is no destination to reach. It is indeed the journey that we must focus on.If things are up in the air right now and nothing has been decide yet, it is only because we ourself haven't make that decision. And deciding what to do is part of the process, instead of attaching fear, insecurity, nervousness, certainly uncertainty, around the process of not knowing yet. We can rewrite the story by changing it to anticipation, into excitement and entertaining what life have to offer you. Your life story is yours and you can change the genres at anytime.Is this life a tragedy?, a mystery?, a love story?, an adventure or just a slice of life. Whatever it is, you decide. By changing our perspective we changed our story suddenly.

And there is power in choosing, in giving yourself choices. God like power equivalent. There's a lot of fears attach to giving ourself choices that's why not a lot of people do it. "I don't have a choice" is a common phrase because it is easier to have everything up to fate. This is the time/opportunity to ask yourself what you want your fate to look like?. Freewill is on your side and whatever you decided, that is your fate. We do not know our fate by searching. We know our purpose by already done the deed then we decided that THIS is what we want to do. I want to do this, I choose this =your fate. Fate follow your decision. How many times/area in our life where we can 100 percent said that we choose this ourself?.

We are finally free from the unconscious drive, now it is time to live with intention. And that might feel uncomfortable and even hard but trusting in yourself is key. They say knowing is half the battle, so know thy self. Getting to know who you really are, what you really want to do will help you navigate this time easier.The most important thing is, you don't need to figure out the outcome of your decision or how it's going to turn out. All you need to make sure is that do you want to do this?.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 14. Ask for help

'What do you really need? be willing to accept support. There is so much support available to you. You only need to ask for help and you will receive it. Let go of fear and pride as they do not benefit you nor give you what you desire.'

Signs: 555, 1414, fishes, island, blue, water, Pisces, Aquarius

Songs: Is it love by Loreen

You'll find me in the echo of the dark Workin' on the riddle of your heart Lost you in a maze, now let me out Is it love? Is it love? Is it love?

Poem: Will You Fight? by @cant-find-my-name There's no beauty in this pain if incarnation exists I wish to never feel it again Life too hurt to live I have nothing else left to give Put me out of my mystery I demand to be free All these trials and tribulations You think you won't get over them But you did before So what's another one? But they go on and on You realised it won't be done The hardship are endless I have been giving my best That's the circle of life Will you give up now Or will you continue to fight?

Quote from Pinterest:

🎐✨2nd Month - The fool ✨🎐

"It's okay that you're not who you thought you would be".

This is the time for experiment, for adventures, of discovering who you decided to be. We are alway learning about ourself so don't be surprise when a new side popped up. Be curious. What identity/story /belief are we so attach to or that we keep telling ourself?. I'm not the type to do that, or I cannot do this because I am not XYZ enough. How about we see ourself as a blank canvas for a change and that the empty space is not to be fear but to be fills with infinite possibilities. To achieve or want something new, firstly we must also become someone we never been before. For example, if you want to be a healthy person who is fit, then become someone who frequent the gym or do workouts. It mean tuning our frequency to match the vibrations of our desire outcome. For the little things and the big ones.

This world is our playground, this world is our oyster, and we are an avatar whose here to learn and have fun and become as many things as possible. Non attachment is key towards outcome, identity or how the story will unfolds. We do not know what will happen but one thing we know for sure is that every new day is a new lesson to learn from.

Embodies the energy of creation/ take inspiration from around you. Everything you go through or witness have a connection towards you one way or the other. Any ideas/creative projects that suddenly strike you is no coincidence, it find you deliberately. Every things that has been created was an idea once and if there's one that has found you, do not be afraid to answer the call. Be curious.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: Have faith. Trust your faith in this situation.

"When we honestly believe things will work out, our faith will confidently see us through. It can be challenging to move forward when you aren't sure what the outcome will be. Stay present with whatever is in front of you right now. You may have doubts or fear when you take a step forward or make a decision, but faith gives you the courage to continue"

Signs: daisy, dandelion, Sun, tiger, Golden butterfly, golden wings, crocodile, balloon, 33, yellow

Song: Coming back for you by Fireboy DML

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see

Poem: Who You Can Be by @cant-find-my-name

When you stop holding tight To who you thought you were And instead be open to new

Possibilities of you Then you'll see Who you truly are Or can become Weak foundation must be undone Old identity forgotten Mind full of limitations Cannot attract abundance Because you are not open To receive them It's time to wake up and see See the possible version Of Who You Can Be

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🍭🍡3rd month - 2 of wands🍡🍭

"Every next level of your life will demand a different you".

Pile 1, in this time the way forward is open for you. Keep your momentum. You are unstoppable. Your energy is unstoppable. You are a force to be reckon with, take action towards your visions. If you have vision/ideas, a dream reality, this is the time to take action towards it. The need for movement is not from doubt or fears. From now on, 'I want to act with love' and you might learn that the decisions and action after that will be different than the way you operate before. Because when you operate from love, there's a certain confident, an inner knowing and an unshakable faith that everything is going to be alright. Because it has alway been that way.

Everything in this universe is right, nothing is wrong. When you realise that, whatever action you take, will alway be the right one. You will be able to clearly see the Success in your ventures as you move forward. The picture you painted in your head is coming together in real life. This reality is unfolding in a way that you alway know to be true. In a way, deep inside you know that this universe has alway favour you. Everything is working for you, it is time to accept this truth and work for ourself.

There will be a lot of energy within us this month, use this wisely to propel our goals forward, in any area of our life.

Richard L. Evans Quote: “Your direction is more important than your speed.”

When you finally pick a direction walk towards it with head held high. You choosing your own path/way is already success in itself.

Stars Dragons Oracle quote - Find your light and follow it home - until you realised that with every step you are already there.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 24. Focus on love. Look for the good in everyone.

"Focusing on the love will change and heal any negativity that is there.How you perceive a situation has a lot to do with how you feel about them."

Signs: Letter JJ, orange, sunset, Dragons, lantern, 2423,

Songs: Rise by League of Legends, Mako, and The Word Alive

Higher and higher you chase it It's deep in your bones, go and take it This is your moment, now is your time, so Prove yourself and RISE, RISE Make 'em remember you RISE Push through hell and RISE, RISE They will remember you RISE

Poem: Confident by @cant-find-my-name

So this is what confident feels like It's no longer undefined It's no longer random burst Unexpected, at the mercy of when it Will emerge Now I can call on it Anytime At the tip of of my fingers At the top of my tongue My body oozes of confident Trust in oneself is the definition To give it my all To not hesitate or keep myself small With my inner strength With all my might I will stand tall In the front line and face it all

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Pile 2🌦🌕

Energy check : The wolf

"I understand if the wound is greater than an apology can cure"

Pile 2 You might be dealing with disappointment right now. If something or someone has turn out differently then you expected, this is an opportunity to let go. We think we might have a great idea of someone and if that person deviate from our view of them, life might suddenly does not make sense. That someone can also be yourself. If things or person actions does not make sense to you, we can only ask ourself if we align with their actions or not. We can't control people but we can control how we response to them. We human are a unique individual but we are not that different from each other. WE all have the same fundamental needs, the need to belong, the need to be loved, the need to fulfils our own desires, the need for stability/security.

What motive/base intention drive you?, and people close to you. The base alway determine the action. And what kind of action are you okay/align with to fulfils that particular need of yours. And what actions simply doesn't.

For you, the end doesn't justify the means. Even if the intention is good but the action to fulfil that needs is hurting you in some way either from others or even yourself, it is okay to acknowledge that that is not the way you want to proceed. Understanding what you can or cannot tolerate is key.

Pile 2 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

✉️🪄1st month - 7 of pentacles🪄✉️

"You can try again tomorrow"

Pile 2 You have infinite chances.You might be questioning where is your reward for all the hard work you did?.The real question is, how can I become the things I want?. People might not realise it but even with the desires for material goals or material obtainment is to fulfil a certain need/emotion within us. For example, stable income for the feeling of security, a physical home to fulfils the feeling of belonging. We do not need to wait until obtaining those things to feel that particular emotions. We can cultivate a sense of security within us now. If you seek abundance, embody it, become it because you are what you attract.

We must ask ourself why we made importance certain goals in our life. And if our efforts did not show case in obtaining that goals, do we lose something in the process?. There is never a lost in trying and if you have try, you have already gain. Wisdom, lessons, getting to know another side of yourself. Different situations bring out a different you, different outcome bring out a different you. It ask you what do you truly value?, your hard work or the result of it?. Aren't both equally important?. So why do we disregard one when the ending is not what we expected?. If the same way hasn't work for you before, why not try a different way?. What are we trying to achieve here?. Who are we becoming in the process while we pursue our goals? do we feel lighter or heavier?. You have work hard to become who you are today, but strip away the obvious, who are you really?. What is your soul like?. Do you know what your soul feel like?. If the situation seem like it isn't working for you, it time to take back your power and make it work for you.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 33. Appreciate this moment. Every situation is an opportunity to grow and find love.

"Challenging circumstances rarely make sense at the time. It is important to face what is happening so you can learn the lessons. Ask the angels to show you what is important in this moment."

Signs: 333, Conch shell, seashells, angels, archangel Ariel, Yellow

Song: Thank God I Do by Lauren Daigle

I've started breathing The weight is lifted here With You, it's easy My head is finally clear There's nothing missing When You are by my side I took the long road But now I realize I'm home with You, I'm home

Poem: Why isn't That Me? by @cant-find-my-name

I look up at the sky And saw people fly My immediate thought was Why isn't that me? What else do I need to feel more free? To feel happy What is the formula for greatness? And why don't I have it? My confident is all but a grand Emulation What do I lack that they don't? How can they spread their wings without care And why don't I dare Going for it too? Is it hard work or talent Or is it bravery or passion? Both which I can't find within me So if I want to be up there too I have to find the success recipe I need to solve this inner Mystery

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🍓🫧2nd month - King of pentacles🫧🍓

"Because we can't see what's ahead, you have to trust that dots will somehow connect in your future"

Pile 2 This is the month to build a strong foundation on what you valued, what you truly believe in. We managed to get this far but we know we can go much farther. This life is a journey and in a way you have "made it". The trust you have in yourself never lead you astray. Your faith in your visions, instinct, your own path will alway lead you home. In a way, you were never lost, you alway know where you are heading to.

This has been a long journey for you but it is a worthwhile one. You have achieved so much, time to acknowledge THAT. You know who you are, you are stable inside yourself, you trust your path like never before. And it is these differences in you that will transformed your outer reality. As above so below, as within so with out. You can clearly see in front of you now, no obstruction, no confusion. You alway know that there's no need to rush, it is not the destination but the journey that is the most exhilarating and satisfying.The fulfilment is in the way there, life is a never ending journey and you cannot wait to invent a new path for yourself to embark on.

Slow and steady win the race. and you know that wherever it is you're suppose to go, you are never late. You are alway on time. And having fun, taking in the view, smelling the roses, on your way there is what define your experiences more than the destination.Life become fulfilling to you now as you seek more experience that feeds you rather than deplete you.

"I don't want to feel better, I want to know better. I should have known that God is not in the meal but in the sharing of the meal. I should have told you that holiness resides in needing each other, in acts of survival made generous."

Julian K. Jarboe ( I saw this post in tumblr and was call to put it here)

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 28. The union of Hearts. A love connection defies explanation.

"It is important to recognise the significance love has in your life. Shift your attention to the essentials in your relationships. Celebrate the wealth of love present in your life. This card is prompting you to redirect your awareness from your goals and desired outcomes, onto your relationships."

Signs: 111, 88, 28, constellation, Centaurus, open fields, Black knight, shield

Song: At All Costs by Ariana DeBose and Chris Pine

If happiness was a tangible thing It would be you If you'd have told me the feeling you'd bring I'd think it untrue And people search for a wonder like you All of their lives You still amaze me after all this time

Poem: This is Truly Tragic by @poemnic-tarot

Have I been worried about the result? Anxious about the outcome? And in the in between time Missed all the fun? Mind, what a tragedy This is truly tragic I've only lived for fleeting moments That in the big Picture Doesn't contribute to anything Now I get it, I will try not to live in stress Of course I have my worries But now I know when To let it rest

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❄️💫3rd Month - 7 of swords💫❄️

"One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels"

Pile 2 in this month you might feel quite independent. It is encourage you to go your own path. Solitute or spending time by yourself might be what you needed. No need to be agreeable with people if you have a different opinion. You learn more by listening, especially listening to what's not being said. If there is a revelation or a certain truth or even a shift in perspective revealing themselves this time we can take our time to come to term with it. No need to react right away, or identify with it. We can observe the behaviours of other to determine if it align with us. Feeling differently than what we should feel doesn't mean we are wrong or that we should conform. Accepting our individuality is key, our uniqueness is what will set us free.

If something is crumbling down let it fall. You cannot save a fake foundation. You know the truth will alway come out, and the truth is never meant to hurt you, but only to set you free. Free from flock mentality or the matrix. When you have seen you cannot unseen. And how ever you feel about it is up to you and yours alone no need to hold back on our feeling or frustration, or anger.

Original path mean designing your own blueprint. If this world seem fake to you suddenly, know that your mind, your belief is what makes your reality. Your belief will set your path, do you believe in freedom?. Because it become yours when you believe in it. You are not trap here, you are on a solo journey. Hang in there, discard the need for things to make sense. YOUR REASON can be different from other people that's why you are leading a different life than other people. You are the truth that this world need, if this world is filled with illusion, you are the real gold among plastic. A truth seeker, a truth speaker. Observe the truth, find it, become it.

Signs: 777, snow, white, crescent moon, Hummingbird, morning glory, sea, blue flowers, lava, magma, a record player

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 31. Love makes the difference. love helps heal past hurts and provides a sense of security and self - worth.

"Love is strong and can endure anything. if you trust love everything else will fall into place.When there are challenges, it is important to keep your heart open."

Song: Hummingbird by James Blake and Metro Boomin

And hummingbird I know that's our time (that's our time) But stay on Stay on, stay on with me And hummingbird I can never unsee What you've shown me Stay on, stay on with me

Poem: Four Of Wands by @cant-find-my-name

With hopeful seed You planted your needs And wish them well Hoping they grow To abundance more For you to sell But What are flowers? And what are weed? Which shall you keep? Which is which? You cannot tell In Four Of Wands You have built But slowly, reality seeps in Like stained water, dripping into your ideal dreams Your house must sustain Strong concrete standing Firm foundation as storm rolled in It won't be blown apart As you will make sure That you're not building a house of cards

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

🌸⚡️Pile 3⚡️🌸

Energy check: The Lion

"This moment will just be another story someday"

"You can try again tomorrow"

Pile 3, you might be feeling sad or nostalgic lately. But there's no specific situation to cause this particular emotion.You might be feeling like you have outgrown your environment and people around you. You feel like you cannot relate to your usual people, things, or even hobby. What you used to vibe with, there isn't the same connection there anymore. You feel like the same things, people , places just doesn't do it for you anymore.

This is because you have gone through a massive transformation. You have ascended spiritually, at first internally, then the outer reality will let you know that it's time to go. You feel like the same thing does not satisfied you anymore. In a way, your soul is seeking something new, a new adventure, a new challenge. You are ready for the next level. You will slowly transition to new things naturally as the same old routine, hobby, places you used to frequent will not quench that thirst of yours.

Yes, it's okay to feel sad, even grieving the past, but also you can celebrate. You made it Pile 3, you have mastered your growth. A new chapter is awaiting you. In fact, you are already on your way there, the feeling of dissatisfaction is the first clue.

Song: The Hills by Rachel

Have you ever noticed That your house don't feel like home? (Home, home) In a room that you've outgrown Scrubbing at the writing on the walls (walls, walls) Everybody's been there So you try your best to leave (leave, leave) I was told the grass is greener But it's just a fantasy, it seems

Pile 3 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

🍏✨1st month - 7 of pentacles✨🍏

"Stretching his hand up to reach the stars, too often man forget the flower at his feet."

Pile 3, this is the month of appreciation. You do not need to look far to feel satisfied. We can concentrate on what we don't have yet, who we want to be with, where we want go. Those empty spaces are not a representation of how worthy you are or not. You are worthy as you are, with or without what you seek. Put in effort and focus on what you actually vibe with. Ask yourself what you rather be doing. Work smarter not harder. You know you can do it when you decide to. Trust that whatever you put efforts in it will grow. Just like how you did yourself. Energy flow where attention goes.

You witness the result in yourself, when you poured into your self you notice how much you grow. Everything in life is like a plant, a tree, or a flower. Everything we want to build need focus, attention, efforts and energy, as well as the right environment and nutrient. Whether that is people, project, work or habits. Adjust accordingly, what do you need the most right now. To feel better physically?, rest, to grow a business? consistency. We know what everything need in order to become the beautiful flower we know it would. Give yourself three things this month Pile 3, Time, Patient and faith. When you apply this to your self or the things you want, you have everything. You reap what you sow, anything you focus on and put energy in will eventually grow. No matter how slow, the flower will inevitably bloomed.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 30. True Love. this love is once in a life time.

"Unconditional love is easier said than done. maintaining the love in a relationship takes more than good intentions. Positive intentions are a solid first step, but it is better to learn how to nurture your relationship each day."

Signs: 144, 72, 11, letter T, Pig, white snake, fireworks, better late than never, guitar, Elf, Ocean waves, sparrow

Song: On The Ground by Rosé

I worked my whole life Just to get right, just to be like "Look at me, I'm never coming down" I worked my whole life Just to get high, just to realize Everything I need is on the Everything I need is on the ground

Poem: Skills and Hard Work by @cant-find-my-name

Take up the skills and Devoured it Eat it up for breakfast The component you have it The natural talent and hard work Two plus two equals Our passionate love It's not hard at all It's who I am My habit is practice Putting formulas together For my benefit I want to conquered the world Then so be it If I can't make bread from scratch Then Victory? Forget about it

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🐇🌙2nd Month - The Tower🌙🐇

"Biggest lesson: Don't ever think it can't happen to you."

"Remember how far you've come instead of how far you've to go"

Pile 3, in this month you must remember that everything is going according to plan. It might not seem so but we have to accept that we are not all knowing. All we can focus on is trust in the process. Notice how every time we ask/pray for something we get the opposite?. For example, you wish for true authentic love, the universe will reveal where that is not present.Maybe even magnify it to you where true love isn't.A big red arrow pointing to show you that what you pray for is alway there, but we must transformed it into exactly what we ask for.

Keep calm and continue what you're doing. If the ground you're standing on is crumbling, let it fall. You asked for this.There's a quote that goes something like this"people witness The violent it take to change but no one knows the violent it takes to stay the same" Choose your hard. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right within this universe. What you're witnessing is transformation. The cocoon is transforming into a butterfly. But in between that, how violent, chaotic is the change?. Transformation is not pretty, it might even look like destruction. No matter what's it look like this month, remember that the transformation is alway in your favour.Keep that in mind. When the planet moves, it move in your favour, it moves for your greatest good. The process of transformation is not for the feint of heart, it require trust and calmness and the ability to breathe as illusion breaks.

'Demolish the fortress of yourself so that your truth may flow free from the ruins.' explanation of the Tower card from Tarot of Stars eternal.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 15.Practice Compassion. See things from a fresh perspective. Love and compassion always bring positive outcomes.

Signs: Red, purple, Mars, Fire signs, blue tit, blue feather, blue crystal cluster, forget me not, blue rose

Song: We Are The Champions by Queen

I've taken my bows And my curtain calls You brought me fame and fortune And everything that goes with it I thank you all But it's been no bed of roses No pleasure cruise I consider it a challenge before The human race And I ain't gonna lose

Poem: Peace Will Find You Somehow by @cant-find-my-name

If you're scare of things going wrong Then, you're scare of living Cause life will almost alway goes wrong Darling, Your lesson here is to learn To be okay with chaos Cause it will happen Or happening There is no stopping Peace cannot be found when all is all Peace can be found now Even in the midst of War During bloodshed and Violence All around If you take a deep breath Plant both feet on the ground Even then Peace will find you somehowQuote from Pinterest:

☘️🌾3rd Month - 6 of cups🌾🍀

Pile 3, this is an intense time for you. Where you feel everything so deeply, you might notice that every senses is intensify.Your taste buds, scent of smell, especially your emotions. When you're happy it's so high and when you're low it's so low. This might feel like a rollercoaster time period. Pleasure and pain goes hand in hand, you could say one cannot exist without the other. But we do not have to be at the mercy of pleasure or pains. They do not or should not define our life experiences. Everything in this UNIVERSE is neutral. You are the one defining your experience as pleasure or pain or even both. It's doesn't have to be either or, it can be either and.

What experiences do you categorise as painful and which are defined to you as pleasurable?. It possible to have both in one day, if you define today as painful you have already limited it capacity. To define is limit. Remember you can have both in one, if this day start as not so good, the rest can change to better. You are the one who define your experience not the other way around.

You can either see the experiences you had as a mistake, or a lesson to learn or grows from. There is no mistake or accident in this universe, everyone you meet or everything you've been through is to shape you to who you are. Ask yourself who you want to become, and see every experience after that as a lessons to help you transform into that person. Reconnect to joy not pain.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 3.Back to what you love. Re-evaluate your desires.

"You are meant to live a life of happiness. Bliss, love, relationship and wealth are your fate. you can change your mind at any time and do something you have always longed to. when you do something you love, you reconnect to your bliss."

Signs: 33, scorpion, dove, Video games, Playground, tree roots, 66

Song: You say by Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know Ooh-oh You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And you say I am held when I am falling short And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours And I believe (I) Oh, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe

Poem: Turn It Around by @cant-find-my-name

Turn it around You have it the ability Trust it you do Turn Negative into Positive If that is too much Turn it neutral Nothing is against you It is all a projection Or your bias assumption As well as Misplace subjection In the grand schemes of things You are fine, you are doing alright Maybe you expect too much, Maybe you were expecting fireworks and parade To indicate Victory But small wins count The fact that you are here today Is proof enough for you to seeQuote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

🫑Pile 4🐁🌽

Energy check - The Bear, Whale

"Getting no message is also a message" Pile 4 you just ended a big cycle recently and it was tiring. It was a long arduous journey. You might feel like you just run a marathon or the equivalent. Maybe in the outer reality it seem like you haven't done much but, energetically, you have just transmuted a big, big cycle. Well done. Great job.

When you decided that you deserve something better, instead of keeping yourself small, you want to not only survive but thrive. The inner work come first. And the inner work was the hardest part.You passed the hardest part, take a rest and give your self a pat on the back. You might think there's still things you want to do to build to try and you will.Look how far you have come. But we must acknowledge all that we did first before we can move on.

You have an inner knowing inside you that you want to follow, you know your purpose and you are eager to start. Preparation is key. Just like before running a marathon you must first train your stamina, your body, have a consistent routine, adjust habit accordingly, and whatever else you need in order to start your race and move forward in that direction.What small little foundation that need to be done in order for you to run a marathon? to start running?.

Song: Rise by Katy perry

I won't just survive Oh, you will see me thrive Can't write my story I'm beyond the archetype I won't just conform No matter how you shake my core 'Cause my roots, they run deep, oh

Pile 4 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

🍥🪶1st month - The fool🪶🍥

Pile 4, this is a big month for you. This is where your journey start. You might feel magic in the air. Literal electric charge in the atmosphere. Luck is on your side. This is a favourable time for you to embark on the path that you alway dream of. Everyone have that thing on their mind, secret desires or wishes that seem impossible every time we think about it ( for example, moving to another country, change job) Do you have something like that in your heart?. This month is when we face it, surrender to it calling. We are finally answering and asking our desires what does it want us to do?. Give me the first step and I'll take it.Start your preparation to stay ready (for example, moving to another country, research the visa, law, and documentation etc,) What else should we do except follow our soul?.

Fear, doubts, is a natural part of life but they will be taking a backseat while you are literally flowing, walking on air, walking on water as you call it. Your intuition is quite strong and it's important to let it lead you at this time. Nothing have to make sense. We don't have to know everything, just the next step is enough. We don't have to know where we're going, that's part of the fun. You had ended a big cycle recently and if you were wondering, when will the next one start?because it starting to feel stale in the old chapter.

This is the time of a new chapter for you and it might seem like everything is up in the air, but that usually how everything start. Let the positive energy and the dawn enveloped you. Feel the sun on your skin and bask in your New world.Every new path is a path back home and home is where your heart is.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 3. Back to what you love. Evaluate your desires.

"You can change what you are doing at any time. You do not have to feel stuck. Go back to what you know and, more importantly to what you love."

Signs: Pink, Green,1010. Dove, golden energy, roses, sun

Song: The Last Of The Real Ones by Fall Out Boy

I was just an only child of the universe And then I found you And then I found you You are the sun and I am just the planets Spinning around you Spinning around you You were too good to be true Gold plated But what's inside you But what's inside you I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you But not as much as I do As much as I do, yeah

Poem: Divine’s Call by @cant-find-my-name

Heavy rain calls for Lightning

But it’s hard to predict when the strike

Will come

You hardly would miss the Rumblings

The electric energy as charged as the sun

You know we will intervene

For the greatest good of all

It’s time to step out into this world

Instead of keeping yourself

Small

You know you can conquered earth

Ocean, Heavens

You did it many times before

And each time

Your name will never be mistaken

As nothing but

The Divine’s Call

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🌸🌕2nd month - 7 of Cups🌕🌸

“It was never a question of biology of nature or nurture. I know now that we heal up through being loved and through loving others”

Pile 4, Watch out for this month. There might be a lot of distraction. A lot of people or even tasks that might asked for your attention and it is important to be extra discerning this month. For we might find that the month has passed by and you might feel like you haven't got anything you want done.Things that you resonate with. If you want to finish a project, a book, a new hobbies/skills be mindful of how much time and energy you're putting in. Because if you find that the progress is slow, we must be realistic and ask ourself did we poured that much energy in it? if not then we might want to do more of it.

There might be a lot of options coming to you this month but the most important thing to keep in mind is, to choose the option that is the most rejuvenating, healing, the option that pour into you or return your energy. Whether that is people, project, jobs, friends, events etc. There is only one rule for you, do I feel drained or rejuvenate with this?. What would a person who love themselves do? Ask yourself this question again and again no matter what situation you are in, because the answer to it is the clarity you're looking for to avoid confusion. If you feeling extra muddy and blurry on your choices this month, do not make any important decision. Give your self time and patient and never pressure yourself to quickly choose, Because you have time alway.

If anything or anyone doesn't give you time and pressure you to choose quickly or threaten that it will be gone, whether it is a job, person etc. Do we want to associate with something that does not give us time to think about it? because what meant for you will never pass you by. Pile 4, what is yours will only wait for you.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 15. Practice compassion. see things from a fresh perspective.

"Walking in someone else's shoes can bring us to a tender understanding that may always bring positive outcomes."

Signs: blue tit, crystal Geode, squirrel, Wind chimes, ocean waves

Song: LIMBO by Keshi

I've just been goin' through motions, back and forth like a ocean I am a fraud, I am the shit, hoping that nobody notice Bang chest in the morning, head down in the night Drink less if I wanted, strike up with a light And square up, I'm the mightiest Myself in the fight, hurt twice, but I tried it No advice for this shit, might die for this shit Do I feel alive, feel alive, feel alive?

Poem: Blue Or Red? by @cant-find-my-name

Feeling lost but I know I am guided I don't hold the map I followed the stars The constellations showed me the path Only I can see I choose to go my own way And the journey is lonely And vicious Many times, I've thought to maybe Stop And let the conventional normalcy Control me Like everyone else Being different made you a target Everyone chooses Blue But I said Red Now they can all see My choice in all it's glory They all went for ordinary But I decided to create my own Fate

Quote from Pinterest:

🎏🪄3rd Month - Ace of Wands🪄🎏

"You don't notice your progress in life because you are always raising the bar"

Pile 4, Fist of all for this month please recognised that you have done a lot, You have come so far and this need to be recognised especially this month, by you. You might feel inspired to start a new project, new hobby or even a new chapter in life. One of the reason might be because you have clear out a lot of old energy, whether that is old relationship, friendship, past wounds, etc. You did so much to be at a place of non attachment. A blank/clean slate, you might feel like nothing is holding you back anymore, you might find that it's easier to go for or do the things you've alway wanted. And you are right. You can use this fearless/bold energy to birth that creative project, or book that ticket of yours. Whatever it is follow your courage and inspired action for it will lead you to the answer you might not know you seek.

In the past you might have asked yourself what am I doing this for?, why do I keep going? or why am I fighting so hard for my dream? These might be your question in the past that will be reveal to you this month. You will know why you chose what you've chosen. This is what you were seeking without knowing. This is what you were waiting for, your signs, your signal, your path. And when you encounter it you will not miss it or mistaken it for anything. Whether that is a person, a career, a life purpose, or even where you will live. And this meeting will set fire to your soul and ignited your passion once more. Which will propel you towards a new, long, but promising future/chapter. Please look out for it but do not seek it, it will find you especially when you feel inspired to act suddenly. Let your soul take the lead this month and watch it surprise you. Watch out for an important person, partnership, soul family this month, wink wink.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 27 Spiritual Connection. A relationship has a connection that goes beyond this lifetime.

"Everything happens for a reason. Some people come into your life to help you learn a lesson and they will make a real impact on your life. Whether it be with a lover, a primary partner or in a relationship for growth, a spiritual connection is important to you now."

Signs: Wands, Red, green, 444, 27, Saturn, crown chakra, Purple

Song: Taylor Swift - Begin Again

And you throw your head back laughing Like a little kid I think it's strange that you think I'm funny, 'cause He never did I've been spending the last eight months Thinking all love ever does Is break and burn, and end But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

Poem: Song Bird by @cant-find-my-name

Song Bird you grew your wings

And strengthen your voice

Now your words glided ears

Like gentle melody

Of glowing river and easy breeze

The beat rhyme with the rhythm of the hearts

Everyone will hear your songs

But they might not understand it right away

And that's okay

No need to adjust the tune or

Filter it down

No need to be scare if

You are too loud

This volcanic sound

Will echoes around

And reaches the vibration

To the ones

That needed to know and get your lyrics

They would not question it

So Songbird

Sing your song

And speak your words

Eventually

Every creatures will sing along

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Thank you so much for reading!! 🧿See you soon!🧊

Check out @cant-find-my-name for more of my Original poetry or Follow my IG PoemNic🍤

Check out my YouTube channel for more Pick A Card - PoemNic-Tarot🍧

Donate to support me. Thank you in advance!:🧃

[undertheorangetree]

Under the God's Eye

Chapter Five- The Dinner

Summary- A family dinner results in an unexpected rendezvous.

Warnings- MDNI 18+ NSFW. Female reader. Titty sucking. Handjob. Vaginal fingering. Cunnilingus. Smut. Alcohol consumption. Allusions to drug abuse. Severe daddy issues. My bitter and intense hatred for Viserys Targaryen coming through in my writing. Discussions of bad childhood/neglectful parenting.

Author's Note- okay I’m done teasing now. Shout out to modern AUs for letting me use modern terms in smut without it sounding weird to me. Find the rest of this filth on AO3 link below!

Series masterlist

divider by firefly-graphics

She watches mildly distraught as Alicent flutters around the kitchen, murmuring to herself as she sets pots and pans on the stovetop, pulling out an absurd amounts of ingredients from the fridge.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" she asks for what she thinks is the fourth time, hand fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

Alicent looks up at her, blowing a wayward strand of hair out of her face with a tired smile. "I'm sure, sweetheart. Don't worry, Rhaenyra should be here within the hour to help me. You're on vacation, go and do something fun. I can handle it."

"I don't mind helping, really. Even if it's only until Rhaenyra gets here."

That earns her nothing but another thankful smile and a shake of her head before Alicent is ignoring her completely, mumbling about where she has left her biggest bowl. A part of her is worried that she's annoying Alicent but she still can't stop herself from asking. She looks frazzled, so much so that it is clear that she is not used to working in the kitchen like this. With her hair tangled in a messy red bun on the top of her head, she has a hard time imagining the Targaryen-Hightower household as a place known for nuclear family dinners. Not with the way Alicent seems absolutely wrought with anxiety.

"Oh, my love," Alicent calls out suddenly and she turns to find Helaena pausing on her way to the stairwell, an expensive looking Russian Blue cradled in her arms. Dreamfyre, she had learned the cat's name was, though she has only ever seen her in pictures on Helaena's phone. She is a reclusive little thing, spending most of her days basking in the sunlight in quieter rooms. Alicent waves Helaena over before jerking her head in her direction. "Take our dear friend here and tell her to enjoy being a guest. She's trying to be too helpful for a holiday."

Helaena huffs a laugh, adjusting her grip on her cat before holding her hand out to her, fingers grabbing at air like a child. "Come on then."

She's pulled out of the kitchen unceremoniously, obediently following behind Helaena, though she can't help but look back at Alicent once more, still feeling guilty.

"I don't know why she doesn't just bring some of the staff with her," Helaena laments as they begin climbing the stairs, still hand in hand. "She insists that she doesn't need them on holiday, but then she plans some big dinner like this and all it does is stress her out."

Out of all of Alicent's children, Helaena is the one she can most see herself befriending. The sweetest, the most down to earth, less obvious when it comes to her family's massive wealth. But it is moments like this where the blatant difference between them is abundantly clear. Her home had never had so much as a maid, much less a whole host of staff. She can do nothing but nod dumbly, agreeing with her as they make their way to the second floor.

"You lost this," Helaena says as she opens Aemond's door, smiling at them both and looking incredibly pleased with her own joke.

"You're so funny," Aemond says, voice completely deadpan, not so much as looking up from the book he has open on his desk. She doesn't have to look at the cover to know it's a textbook as her own copy is still sitting on her bedside table in her apartment.

She grins. "I know."

Helaena leaves and she has no choice but to make herself comfortable on their now shared bed, propping the pillows up against the headboard and sitting back against them. Aemond continues reading and she takes the opportunity to really look at him, uninterrupted by his own piercing gaze. The long sharp planes of his face, the strong jut of his nose, the line of his cheekbones. The ever present tilt of his lips, as if there is some secret or joke he’s struggling to hide. Even from here, she can see the way his eyelashes curl against his eyelids, the light blonde of them near translucent. His hair is the same almost silver blond and, fleetingly, she wonders how much effort he truly puts into it. She has heard the sound of the hairdryer when he locks himself in the bathroom but has never seen any of the products he may or may not be using. Nor has she ever been permitted to enter, the door locked tight since their post shower run in.

But it's his eye that truly catches her attention. She's sat on his sighted side and she can see the brilliant blue of his real eye even from there, admiring the way it catches the afternoon light. Only the dilation of his pupil sets it apart from the prosthetic and she realizes now how pretty they are when he’s not glaring at her or attempting to stare her into submission.

She nearly jumps when he speaks, pulling her harshly out of her thoughts. "You'll meet my father tonight. And Daemon."

Read the rest here

Taglist- @backyardfolklore @docmartinis @watercolorskyy @barbieaemond @bellaisasleep @yentroucnagol @aemondsbabygirl @randomdragonfires @at-a-rax-ia @violetletovi @launotfound @helaenaluvr @solisarium

[hyuuukais]

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡ SUNSHINE AND STRAWBERRIES

pairing ☆ lee felix x fem reader

synopsis ☆ Y/N is a new streamer. after months of planning, and her best friend & now fellow streamer han jisung convincing her, she makes a twitch and youtube account. thanks to jisung giving her a shoutout to his own huge following, she gains some unexpected overnight fame. but what was more unexpected was waking up to see her long-time favourite comfort streamer _sunshine.bbokari_ following her.

warnings ☆ swearing, descriptions of slight panicking

[TAGLIST -> CLOSED]

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

☆ partially written chapter, 8 screenshots ☆

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ☆ STICKY SITUATION

"You've got this."

Your reflection stares at you unconvinced. How in the world were you supposed to turn Jake down without ruining years of friendship? Sure he was funny, sweet, loving, everything you'd want in a boyfriend, but for you?

The feelings weren't there.

Now, you could send him a text from the bathroom saying you didn't feel well and hope he didn't see you before, or you could face him. The former seemed the more appealing option, if you were honest. However, it was probably best not to prolong this.

Stepping out of the bathroom with a deep breath, you see him. He's in a small booth in the corner, texting someone.

Your phone buzzes.

Hey, how far are you?

Jake looked up at the buzz, locking eyes with you. You give him a small wave, approaching the table and sitting down hesitantly. Sweat ran down your back, and you could feel your chest getting tight. Not now, dammit!

"Hey," Jake avoided your eyes, instead looking down at his hands, fingers fiddling with his rings.

"Jake I-"

"Y/N-"

Finally you look each other in the eye again. The two of you can't help but break into giggles, tension releasing just the slightest.

"I need to say this first before anything else," Jake says more seriously, a turn from the brief laughter. "I don't expect you to like me back like that. Hell, I don't know why I even said that to you!" He groans and uses one hand to cover his face, the other still playing with a ring. "Ugh, I'm such an idiot. Can we pretend it just never happened?"

For a moment you consider it. You could move on, ignoring his declaration of feelings, or you could put him out of his misery. The choices were both unappealing.

"No, actually." It was your turn to look at your hands. "I'm sorry Jake. I don't like you like that, you're right. I love you, as a friend, but-"

The tightness in your chest was back, overwhelming you. You felt guilty, even though you knew you shouldn't. No one can help who they fall for or don't. The stress was becoming too much.

"I-I have a boyfriend!" You blurt, hand immediately slapping your mouth.

Jake's face pales, mouth hanging open.

"What?" He looks almost hurt.

"I-" Think if something, Y/N! "-we haven't been dating long, but I really like him. He wanted to wait to tell people since it's still fresh."

Internally you cringe at yourself and curse your brain for the panic response. A boyfriend? Really? What if he asks who?

"Oh," Jake nods, leaning back. "Look, I'm really sorry, I had no idea. I definitely never would have said anything if I knew. I kind of wish you told me though," He laughs lightly. "What's he like?"

You look at him confused.

"Hey, I'm still one of your best friends!" He puts his hands up. "I need to know if I need to start visiting the gym again. You know, in case he breaks your heart."

Now you laugh, "Don't worry about that, I think Chaeryeong and Ryujin would get to him first. Um, actually I said I'd hang out with them today, so I should probably head out..."

"Oh, okay." Jake stands. "I'm glad we could talk this out."

"Me too."

After leaving, you allow yourself to let out all the anxious energy, furiously whispering to yourself and pulling out your phone.

notes ☆ Y/NNNNNNNN 😀😀😀😀 WHY WOULD U SAY THAT OUT OF ALL THINGS !!! (for the plot of course) also someone teach me self control !!!! everytime i finish a chapter i'm like i COULD wait to post this..... or i could just post it now, which always seems more appealing ☝ anyway, back to the fic- count this week of fake dating possibly... lead to something more? stay tuuuuuuuneeeeeddd

taglist ☆ @marcillfll @toplinelix @neri-ner @tfshouldidohere @imasimplol @samvagejkflxhrt @yennifersgeralt @aestheticsluut @cherryuqii @tenebrisirae @roseidol @veryjeongintxtkid @amara-mars @nobuttpics @bmnyy @sheeshhhhfelixsworld @ellelabelle @gini143 @mrsseals16 @veedoesntknaur @channiesstars @daydreamer5006 @luvvvash @amesification @skzswife @blamemef0rit @soulphoenix1618 @lovingmny @stvrfir3 @boo-ven9eance @adestayskz @rag-iii @enchantedgrunge @mytherapisttoldmenotto @strawberry-dreamland @oh-my-fancan @lucktales @cookielino @fantasyaddict123 @sleeplessmin

pink means it won't let me tag u

[lollytea]

Unfortunately due to TOH being cut short by Disney a lot of character arcs and more storyline could not be fully fleshed out and finished as Dana had to wrap up everybody’s story in just a few episodes

I'm fully aware that Disney's intervention is responsible for a lot of the plotlines getting suffocated. Which is why I don't think it's fair to go harassing crew members with "why didn't THIS happen??" and all that, because nobody really knows what they endured working on those final episodes and how much they had to cut and rewrite. But from things Dana has said, it was likely a very stressful and exhausting experience. So I don't like to make assumptions about the crew being incompetent. Nobody knows how the season WOULD have turned out if they had been granted full creative freedom and breathing room to develop it to their hearts content.

However, me not directing personal ire towards the crew doesn't mean that I think that the show is immune to criticism. Its flawed. It might not be entirely the crew's fault but that doesn't mean we can't talk about how it's flawed. If anything, I think acknowledging and dissecting its weaknesses is a good learning opportunity for what we should consider when creating our own stories.

Season 3 is a bit of a mess. There's good stuff. There's some less than good stuff. I think ultimately, as a story about Luz, King and Eda, it knocks it out of the park. When they were left with no other option, they decided to prioritize the writing of their three protagonists and I think that was the correct choice.

But I've been thinking about the three specials and how they stand on their own, quality wise, and honestly, there's valid criticism to be said that is completely unrelated to the shortening.

Bear in mind that the crew has known since Follies that the show was getting cut short and they needed to start wrapping up loose ends. So it's not like they started writing Thanks to Them believing it was the first of 20+ more episodes. They knew that they were going to be writing a 40 minute special. So the execution had to be tight, concise and satisfying, right?

Well...it was....weird. Definitely fun. Good for fan service. The main hook was the witch kids navigating the human world in their dorky witchy way. And initially, that was enough. But once the novelty of that wears off and we focus on the plot of the special, what do we have left?

Thanks to Them is very guilty of lore baiting. Dropping in stuff that they know damn well that they're never going to elaborate on, leaving the audience with a feeling of intrigue that is never going to be satiated.

I personally think that is just bad writing. They knew they didn't have a full season 3 and rather than rewrite the means of which the hexsquads finds answers, they still made the choice to drop in what are most likely vague ideas from the initial draft.

I think, if they had no intention of developing it in future specials, there was no point to that scene of Masha telling the Wittebane story. It was just...filler. To stretch out the running time. Which is....kind of precious. Only 40 minutes. If you're obsessive enough about lore, you already knew the story from the Hollow Mind paintings. That scene was for casual viewers. Which is useless, because there's no point in casual viewers learning about Evelyn and Caleb because it never went anywhere.

Also. I personally think that if there was any value to learning the Wittebane lore without making it plot relevant, it would be for the sake of character development. We wanted to know how the kids would react to this knowledge.

Well how did they react?

*Shrug* They seemed a little unnerved but they kinda forgot about it the second they got off the hayride.

So what was the point of all that? What was the point?

Is it because we wanted "Goodbye, Evelyn," to be more of gut punch?

Was it worth it? Was "Goodbye, Evelyn" worth it? We know fucking nothing about Evelyn.

I think the rebus was a stupid and lazy means for the kids to discover Titan's blood. You introduce this mysterious object that was hidden under the floorboards and then you just use it as a plot device.

When the kids uncover the rebus and find the secret code inside, the viewer is not thinking about how it can be used as a means to an end (finding blood) The viewer is thinking "what the fuck is that thing and how did it get there and how did Flapjack know it was there?"

Questions that will not be answered <333

ALL IM SAYING is that I'm sure the crew could have come up with another way for the kids to have a Titan's blood treasure hunt. Maybe they could have dug a little more into the history of Gravesfield and follow leads on weird things happening on this one spot in the graveyard (which turns out to be because there's magical energy there, revealed when Luz realizes she can use glyphs)

I just think that if you're gonna leave the mystery box a mystery, you shouldn't have included it.

And I know. Its subtle storytelling. There's elements of what could have been a far more complex story and they're leaving hints of it here and there.

Well the thing about that is I think the hints are very unsatisfying and weaken the episode's plot significantly.

Also I don't think they should get to just pick and choose what parts of the lore are subtle and what parts are ham-fisted.

YES we are going to be reminded like three times that Flapjack is being secretive and hiding things from Hunter.

NO we are never going to get a payoff for that because he gets shanked and dies first.

BUT!! BUT!! If you squint, its IMPLIED that Flapjack belonged to Evelyn and blah blah blah

You don't get to rub things in the audience face and then choose to be all subtle about it at the last minute. Pick one or the other.

Anyway....I think they could have written Thanks to Them as more of an intriguing and suspenseful horror mystery where they spend forty minutes gathering clues and everything finally clicks together at the very end. That's not what we got.

We got a very weak attempt on the Hexsquad's part to be little detectives, but like a minute of screen time was devoted to them dicking around in a library, a costume shop, and a zoo.

I don't think we can blame the shortening for this.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for skipping out on shifts at my part-time job to finish university assignments?

I (27nb) work 20hrs a week as a customer service assistant at a supermarket to keep me afloat while I do my master's degree. Honestly, juggling both of them is fucking exhausting. I make it work most of the time, but I also have ADHD which puts me in the position of doing a LOT of last-minute work and all-nighters to keep up with deadlines, despite my best intentions and efforts.

A couple times now, I've found myself in a position where I have to make a choice: go to work that day, or stay home to finish an essay due tomorrow morning so I can submit it right down to the wire. As much as I REEEEALLY need this job to paying the bills and, you know, eat, it's ultimately just an interim thing for me - I mean, I do not want to get trapped in retail for the rest of my fucking life. That's why I'm doing this degree in the first place!! The degree and my future aspirations takes priority for me, so I fake sick and call out of work.

Now, I don't call out of work last minute for no reason — I don't do it just because I don't feel like it, or because I want to go out instead. (Not that I think that automatically makes me at all "better" than people who do — we're all wage cucks at the end of the day, abolish capitalism, etc etc — just to give the context that I'm not leaving my coworkers to pick up the slack for reasons that aren't related to either uni deadlines or genuine illness.) I'm no slouch when I'm at work either. I have no loyalty to the supermarket itself — I'm not gonna break my fucking back for a company that barely knows I exist — but I'll pull my weight so that my coworkers and I can all leave on time at the end of the night. All that to say, my coworkers and shift managers know I put the work in when needed.

I also DO like most of my coworkers. I don't love the work but my manager is decent enough, and I get along well with the team there. I honestly don't want anyone there to struggle or overwork themselves because of understaffing — which is getting to be more and more of an issue lately as we're literally hemorrhaging staff.

All that said — I don't regret putting my degree first, but I DO feel kind of guilty about pulling out from shifts last minute when I know we already don't have enough hands. Especially this most recent time, where I called in "sick" and discovered that I was the THIRD employee to call in sick that morning (😬😬😬). And my shift manager sounded REALLY fucking stressed about it. Oof.

So AITA for faking sick and leaving my coworkers short-staffed because of my own struggles to meet university deadlines?

(🐌 so I can find this later)

What are these acronyms?

[plus-i-miss-you]

Hello, Lina!! I wish you luck and hope you can have lots of fun with your new blog!! How about a request to help you kick off? 👀 Headcanons for t2!Mikoto and Orekoto with a guard gn!reader that tries to keep Mikoto from getting too stressed when interrogating him? Basically, they don't want to push him too hard. After the end of trial 1, I was thinking about how I would have preferred Mikoto and Orekoto over Kotoko as allies if I was a guard, haha.

▷ listening to:

"i won't hurt you, i promise" (gn!reader)

⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ılıılıılıılıılıılıㅤㅤ

♪ note: thank you sm aurora! i hope you like this one! (again. probably came out too cute ahshajaj)

♪ summary: okay, maybe voting a guy with undiagnosed did (and an alter who is extremely protective of him) guilty wasn't a good idea. wishing to make amends and get to know these two better, you try to help these two feel at least a bit safer in this hellhole known as milgram prison.

♪ warnings: mostly none, except there's a description of john trying to make the reader believe that he's the "evil" alter in an attempt to protect mikoto. the reader doesn't believe him though and it's mostly lighthearted. also the reader is kinda supposed to be a "replacement" of es, since they're the reason why mikoto's been voted guilty and there's a mention of.. well, what happened in mikoto's first vd.

mikoto kayano.

♪ "y/n, d-don't get me wrong, i don't mind the attention, but seriously, i'm fine! my head hurts a little bit, but other than that-"

oh, but you know well that this man is not fine at all. you're glad to see that mikoto is doing better after.. well, everything that happened with kotoko and all, but you refuse to leave him alone even for a minute. yes, you're worried about him. why wouldn't you be? voting him guilty was your decision and you're not sure it was the correct one (well, you certainly were shocked after watching his video, haha..) and you're ready to take responsibility for it. you just hope kotoko really won't try to attack him (or anyone, really) again..

♪ you make sure to do everything in your power to help mikoto when he's feeling stressed or anxious and you know that this guy really doesn't like to show how he really feels. but you recognize the signs pretty easily, so no matter how hard he tries, you're already there, asking if he's okay. yes, he's still a prisoner, but that doesn't mean you're just gonna interrogate him until he loses consciousness because of how tired he is. so you try your best to check up on him as often as you possibly can. and no, you have no idea why the other prisoners are saying you have your favorites. 

♪ when you're interrogating him, you tell him that it's okay if he doesn't remember something and he doesn't have to force himself to remember it, especially if it's something that can be traumatic for him. of course, you still try to learn at least some new information, that's your job after all, but you try not to push him too hard. you don't mind if john appears again, but you also want to make sure mikoto himself feels safe. whenever he gets distracted, you gently get him back on track and remind him why he's here and if you notice that he's starting to get visibly anxious, you ask if he needs anything and change the topic and try to go back to the question you had once he calms down.

♪ yes, you feel bad about voting him guilty. maybe it really wasn't the right choice. and when mikoto gives you that lost and confused look, asking why you voted him guilty and feeling like he did something wrong.. yeah, you don't feel so good about it. he looks like a sad puppy when he does it and you refuse to look him in the eyes when it happens. so, uh.. you just try to make it up to him by still letting him do things that make him at least a little bit happy. he can sit in his cell and draw stuff if he wants. you can even take a look if he's okay with that. you can also try to help him start hanging out with the other prisoners again-

"h-hey, y/n.. do you know why everyone's kind of.. i don't wanna sound like i'm blaming them or anything, but is it just me or they're avoiding me for some reason?"

.. ah, about that.

john kayano.

♪ o-okay, now you have to try to get along with this guy. and to your surprise, it wasn't.. that hard? he still doesn't fully trust you, that's for sure. but even though your first meeting didn't go that well (him beating you up and almost killing you in the process, romantic, isn't it?), when you've finally managed to make john trust you and believe that you're not dangerous and you're not planning to hurt mikoto (it took.. a lot of time), he started to act a little bit calmer around you. he's still mad at you, for obvious reasons. he has no idea what you saw in that video, but you still voted mikoto guilty. and he won't forgive you so easily.

♪ whenever you try to learn more about mikoto (or john's?..) crime, john tries really hard to make it seem like he's the one at fault. he's the one to blame, not mikoto. just forgive mikoto already, is that so hard? you really think that guy is capable of murdering someone? and you really don't want to suspect these two, but again, that's your job. and you know well that all prisoners are murderers at least in some way. so when john says that he murdered someone to help mikoto relieve his stress.. it just.. doesn't make any sense. you don't say it out loud though and just say that you're not going to try and figure out which one is innocent and which one is guilty. you're going to judge both of them and you will try your best to be fair, but you're not going to point a finger at one of them and go "you're the bad guy here". not at least before you really do get a confirmation that one of them is the murderer.

♪ john tries to play it cool, doing the whole "tch.. do what you want" thing, but on the inside?? he's LOSING IT. hey. hey. he's the murderer. he's the bad one. he's the evil one. just leave mikoto alone already. however, that's not the only reason why he's kinda going insane. he's just.. not used to being treated like this. what do you mean you see him and mikoto as two different people and treat them as such. why are you so nice to both of them. he's not surprised that mikoto feels safe around you, this guy is way too naive (yes, he means it in an affectionate way), but why does he also feel kind of.. whatever. just remember to forgive mikoto and everything will be fine.

♪ when you hear the infamous "weird noises coming from mikoto's cell", you know well that it's john's doing, so you go pay him a visit. you try to talk to him about whatever that's bothering him, and when he asks just why are you "acting like this" (he's talking about being nice.), you simply say that it's also a part of your job. yes, you're supposed to judge the prisoners, but you don't want anything to happen to them before all three trials are over. he looks at you for a moment, processing your words and says that it sounds like a lie, though you can't hear any anger in his voice, he actually sounds a little confused. you sigh and try to fix his hair that's been messy since the second trial started.

"well, you're not exactly being honest with me either."

[skunaskitten]

The Affair chapter 5

AU: human ceo sukuna x female reader

Contains: fluff, smut, cheating, lying, unfaithful sukuna, falling in love, oral, talk about kids, guilty heart sukuna, mention of gojo

Summary: since sukuna's wife has come back he has been switching back and forth between you and her, not knowing who to finally choose. The choice between you or his company. Something strange is happening with his wife, he is seeing her in a new way maybe he can stay with her but with you in his life things are more complicated. Now he seeks help through one of his best worker and friend.

Master list of stories

chapter 4 ch5 chapter 6

 Sukuna was so lost in thought he couldn't do any of his work right, having to retype emails that he kept messing up on and reorganizing his paperwork. 

 His stress was rising to more than what he would like it to be. He didn't know what to do now. His wife had come back too early that put an obstacle in his plans with you.

 That night he didn't come to see you now that his wife was back home he needed to attend to her needs but when she escaped to the showers he took the moment to go into another room to call you. You were so excited to hear from him his heart felt like breaking. He felt bad for not seeing you telling you the excuse and lying that it was overtime at work. All you did was smile and tell him not to worry and to get some rest.

 Sukuna laid awake for most of the night tossing and turning in bed all the worries and guilt eating him alive. When his wife felt him struggling to go to sleep, with the tossing and turning. She put an arm around his body and nuzzled against his chest trying to calm him to sleep. He was confused why she was acting this way. Why the sudden change? She never really liked to cuddle as they got older in their relationship. 

 With the little comfort he had got tonight he was able to fall asleep but with the lack of a deep sleep he didn't want to go into work. His wife however rubbed his head laying there with him "my love stay in bed today I am going into the office. You look drained of life." She told him with a smile on her face.

 He grunted and turned over hiding his face to get more sleep making her giggle. She slipped out of bed to get dressed then walked out of the home heading to the office.

 Sukuna wanted to go see you but he could not risk anyone seeing him sneaking out. This was going to be a new challenge for him.

 On her breaks and lunches she actually came back to him checking to make sure he was doing well but that meant he couldn't sneak out if he wanted to. He had to call you to tell you he can't not see you today.

 When you heard the phone ring you ran over to it and jumped onto the bed seeing sukuna's number. You smiled and answered with a flirtatious "hello kuna."

 He smiled and said "hey darling I am sorry but work is kicking my ass right now so I won't be able to see you today." 

 "Oh well then you can see after work its fine sukuna I don't mind if you come over late. It might give you better sleep." A smile formed on your face. He rubbed the back of his neck saying "yea I can't tonight at all im sorry they are keeping me over." But he liked the idea of being in bed with you getting a good night's rest. You let out a little breath saying "that's ok kuna I will wait for you. I love you. You stay safe though take care of yourself I will see you later."

 He could hear how sad you are but he could not risk anything too soon,  he had to keep you on the low. 

 "I love you beautiful, I have to go now." 

 You said goodbye to him then let out a sigh looking at the phone after hanging up then just laid down onto your bed. Sukuna rubbed his face and went to the kitchen to get something to eat, feeling horrible for even leading you into his life like this only to push you away.

 Later that night while he sat on the couch his wife walked in with a smile. "hello love hope you feel better I made reservations at the restaurant to go to. I will go get ready. That is if you still want to go." 

 He nodded to confirm he was still going then watched her disappear down the hall to their bedroom as he sighed, laying his head back then got up and walked into the room seeing her getting undressed.  Her body would never compare to the likeness of you. He loves the natural plumpness of your ass and thighs, enjoying the way they wrapped around him everytime he thrusted into you. The size of your breast are perfect to him and loves to feel them in the palm of his hands or pressed against his chest.

 His wife giggled snapping him from his thoughts as she said "sukuna save it for later go get ready." She walked into their bathroom while he went  to look at the suits to wear. He just grabbed a simple black vest and red under shirt for tonight, nothing  fancy just as his wife came out dressed in red heels, black tight dress and hair tied up with make up dusting her face. "Lets go don't want to be late."

 During dinner his eyes darted everywhere looking for any sign of someone being strange or trying to get his picture. His wife noticed how quiet he had been ever since she came back from her trip. 

 "Hey ryomen are you alright you've been quiet and closed off ever since I came back what is wrong?"

 He smirked to her saying "darling nothing is wrong everything is fine just I never seen you like this for a long time now. Why the sudden change?" 

 She smiled and slid her hand over and squeezed his hand. "I told you I want to be better for you and I had a lot of thoughts about us so I am changing." He sighed and held her hand in his then brought it to his lips kissing her knuckle. "I missed you."

 The whole dinner felt normal to him again it wasn't her flirting with random men that walked by her or got her attention. Her focus was all on him. She was actually laughing and smiling at him and he felt happy that he was finally becoming part of her life again. He chuckled hearing the stories she told about her trip while she laughed with him.

 When they got home it was lips locked and his tongue diving into her mouth grabbing at her hips pulling her against him. Sukuna roughly picked her up pushing her against the wall giving bites to her neck making her moan out. He let out a growl and dropped her onto the bed then began to strip himself down to nothing. It was not easy for him to find lust through her; he had to think of you during the intercourse with his wife. The shameful thoughts of you. All because the guilt is eating him alive.

 As he thrusted into her hearing her bark his name it was all thoughts of you. Remembering the way your breast bounced with every thrust. When your warm walls squeezed around the thickness of his cock. Feeling your body mold to his like a perfect piece. His heart was so guilty his wife noticed him losing his rhyme.

 "Sukuna..cum inside me." 

He looked at her with wife's eyes saying "what?" She smiled at him "I want to..to have a family with you." 

 With a few more thrust she came around him screaming his name but he wasn't close yet so he stopped breathing hard cursing at his inner self. She looked at him with a smile and ran a hand across his cheek. 

 "Ryomen its alright? We can do it again later. I know it was just brought onto you but I think we should start having kids."

 His wife left him alone while she was in the bathroom and he laid down covering his face with a pillow. How dare she say this to him after years of not wanting kids. After he found you to fall in love with, now she wants to be the wife he always wanted. He heard the door open and her quiet footsteps until he felt hands grab his cock. He shuddered and went to move but she grabbed his wrist saying "relax let me help you."

 He could feel her hand squeeze and jerk his shaft making him hard again only with thoughts of you. He let out a groan then felt her lips wrap around his tip taking him deep within her mouth. Feeling her suck and jerk him all he remembered was you doing it, the way you took your time to pleasure and tease every part of him. "Ahh fuck darling." Sukuna bucked his hips and released his seed into her mouth as she swallowed all of him. 

 He had to admit its been a while since his wife did this to him but seeing her didn't please him like you did. Seeing how shy you were with his cum still on your lips and when you licked it away face full of innocence. Sukuna hated this back and forth with his heart. A plan needs to come quickly but either way it's going to lead to heartbreak.

 Over a week you have not seen sukuna in person. You talked to him over the phone but it didn't feel the same. You also walked to the chicken wrap stand ordering two wraps hoping he will show up and surprise you. He didn't show up so you sent him pictures of you with the wraps telling him you have an extra for him to have dinner with you.  But he just responded that he is busy at work, to much over time. He missed you dearly and it hurt his heart.

 You texted him throughout the day telling him how much you love him and miss him. That night you ate both wraps alone reading your books while trying to keep yourself away from bad thoughts.

 However during the following days your mood was bringing you down to a depressing state. You took a walk after work through the mall with your friends as they continued to bug you about sukuna. As they dragged you through different stores you were brought into a girly store. Your eyes caught the jewelry that was on display filled with both men and women items. 

 Your eyes scanned the display case and saw a thick black leather bracelet with a golden tiger on it. A smile formed on your face wanting to give a gift to sukuna as a thank you for the book. You bought it and got a black box with pink ribbon to tie around. You wrote his name across the box with a silver marker and added a heart to his name.

 You wanted him to come over as soon as possible because you were too excited for him to get his gift but he didn't answer your phone that whole night. Maybe he is really busy with work.

 Sukuna had to put his phone on silent during another dinner date with his wife she wanted to go on a nice little candle lit dinner at a small restaurant. It was just him and her sharing smiles and sending flirtatious smirks. Sukuna was completely forgetting about you. 

 He is starting to see a new light over his wife. She was actually changing and just maybe if this continues he can be in a happy marriage. To not have that worry about having an affair and the damage to his company.

 Surprisingly to sukuna his wife didn't ask for sex and all she wanted to do was cuddle him in bed with a movie on in the background. When she went to sleep, Sukuna took out his phone and saw all the messages from you. The reality came sinking into his world. The reality that he is having an affair and seeing all your messages of you missing him. You want to see him. You're feeling lonely. Asking if he was upset with you. He can see how hurt you felt for him ignoring you. This was the first time that he has been pushing you away.

 He gave you a text saying that he was fine, just tired. Maybe he can find a way to sneak out to you. Sukuna put his phone away and laid down hugging his wife.

 The next day he was wondering why his wife was not getting up and groaning. She just started her time of the month so she pushed him away like all the other times feeling the cramps. He tried to help her but she groaned and pushed against his chest telling him to leave. 

 He sighed and said "fine I guess I am leaving now call me if you need me. I won't be in the office. I am going to a meeting outside the company. Love you." His wife just groaned at him as he sighed and left her alone.

 Sukuna did go to the meeting talking about plans and making deals with the other men from different companies he has regularly met with.

 However, it ended four hours early. He thought of using this time to finally go and see since he had pushed you off for a whole week.

 When he got to your apartment he looked to see if anyone was nearby he recognized then quickly went to your door giving it a loud knock. He realized you didn't answer so he called you hoping you would answer but then he heard the ringing go to voicemail after two rings. He pulled his phone away from him, feeling his heart get heavy. Were you mad at him?

 Then hearing the door unlocked from the other side he perked up excited to see you when the door opened he saw you and smiled. "Hey darling."

 You looked at him with tired eyes and gave him a weak smile as you stepped to the side letting him in. As soon as the door closed you jumped straight into his arms hugging him tight. 

 He chuckled and held you close to him feeling his body get warm and his heart flutter. Being away from you so long he didn't realize how much his body missed you. It had a mind of its own and it wanted you only. He never felt like this when seeing his wife.

 You held onto him then let out a whimper of pain, he heard the sound and put you down worried then watched you crouch down into yourself holding your stomach. He crouched down to your level saying "what's wrong?"

 You shook your head and looked at him with pout. "It hurts kuna. My cramps." He looked at you in disbelief that both you and his wife started it the same time. Thinking you didn't want him around he hummed then said "do you want me to leave."

 "What?! Why would I want you to leave? I hadn't seen you in a week and now you want to leave. No dumb ass, I want you to stay with me. Please, I missed you so much."

 He gulped as you lunged back into his arms telling him to take you back to your room. Sukuna picked you up carrying you to bed and placed you down with a smirk. "So needy, pretty little thing." 

 His wife still never liked him being around when it was that time, she claims it is not attractive and makes her feel gross. You smiled at him but then looked away scrunched your face from the pain. Sukuna wanted to make you feel better. His hand slides over your hip and under your shirt to press it to your stomach and give it a gentle rub. Your eyes opened to look at him, seeing his handsome face and body dressed in his suit, making you smile with so much love for him as you raised a hand to cup his face and ran your thumb tracing his cheek and to graze over his lower lip.

 "I love you my kuna."

 He could feel his heart clench and ache hearing those words sounding so sweet from you. In a tone that he never heard from his wife it always sounds forced from her even till now when she is trying to force it out. 

 "Y/n do you have tea here?" You nodded "yes it's in the kitchen." 

 He pulled his hand from you saying "don't move, stay here I am going to try to fix you." He stood up hearing your giggles and said "kuna I am not broken I am just cramping."

 Sukuna gave you a smile and left your room heading to the kitchen looking through the place finally finding your stash of tea. He rubbed his neck looking through the boxes then froze feeling the necklace still around his neck. "Shit." He quickly took it off and stuffed it into his pocket then went back to find the herbal tea he was looking for.

 After brewing some hot water from your electric kettle he put a bag of chamomile and lavender tea with honey into your cat tea cup. A smirk formed on his face seeing the cup then went back to you. 

 "Here drink this love."

 You sat up as he sat next to you holding your cup carefully handing it over. "Oh you found the ones I usually drink for my cramps. I was too lazy and in pain to move to get them. Luckily I have you to rescue me." You said, giving him a little laugh.

 Hearing your laughs always makes his chest flutter happily, knowing he makes you laugh and happy. Sukuna took off his suit coat laying it on your bed to the side then laid down while waiting for you to drink your tea. You drank most of it and put it down on the table not caring about it any more because you just wanted to be in sukuna's arms after not seeing him for a while.

  He watched you turn to face him and lay down getting cozy under his arm and nuzzling against his chest. It was just silence between the two of you but the love could be felt in your room. His hand soothing your back gently. 

 Maybe your body just wanted him around because the cramps eased up after, probably sensing your man next to you. "Sukuna, I want to tell you something." He gave you a hum, his eyes closed enjoying your comfort.

 "Where have you been? Has work really been draining that much?" 

 He let out a heavy breath of air escape through his nose then pressed a kiss to your forehead.  "Yes work is stressing me out a lot too much over time I can not get a break."

 Your hand rubbed across his chest and led to his back rubbing him softly. "That sucks. I am sorry if I have been really annoying lately in wanting to see you all the time. I feel like a burden to you. Because you have your own life but I want to be part of it. Because I love you. And I am just worried that…you would not want me because I am too attached to you. I am sorry…kuna".

 He could hear your voice croak and sniffles coming from you and he instantly felt his heart tear. He moved and softly rubbed your cheek making you look at him. 

 "No beautiful, do not say those things about yourself. I am happy with you. I love you with all my heart. It's me that feels like I don't not deserve you and I really don't. You have shown me what it is like to be in love to have a normal relationship. I appreciate you and everything you do for me. I don't want anyone else besides you."

 A whimper escaped you as you nuzzled your face against his neck holding him tight. "Ryomen I love you more than my heart can handle."

 Sukuna spills more and more confessions to you everytime he is with you because you make his heart feel what he really wants. His wife is already to far gone from him to want her back. He needs and wants you.

 "Kuna, I got you a gift." He hummed curiously watching you move and turn to get into a drawer on your bedside table then pulled out a little black box with pink ribbon. "Here open it."

 Sukuna sat up holding the box smiling at the colors you chose and began to unwrap the box. You held your hands together playing with your fingers feeling butterflies in your stomach worried if he was not going to like it.

 He pulled off the top of the box seeing the bracelet inside and took it out to see the gold tiger charm. 

 "I know it's not much but I thought of you when I saw it and I wanted to get you something." 

 He smiled and pulled you saying "c'mere. I love it darling". You smiled and hugged him as he kissed your cheek. "Do you want me to put it on?"

 "Of course, I need to see if it's going to fit." Sukuna chuckled and took the bracelet to slip it over his wrist and pulled the little ropes tightening it. He lifted his arm to you saying "how does it look?"

 You smiled and held his hand turning his wrist to look at it against his skin. "Its perfect on you kuna." As sukuna laid down holding your body close to him he felt worse for even having to take off any of the gifts. He knows you be more upset if he stopped wearing the bracelet and ask questions. He will just have to tell his wife that it was a gift from one of the men during the conference meeting.

 When the time passed sukuna woke up from a nap then looked at you. You were still by his side and in his arms he noticed you were asleep. He tried to wake you but you were passed out sound asleep. He smiled and gave a  long kiss to your cheek and pulled away whispering 'I love you beautiful.' Sukuna grabbed his coat then left a note by your pillow telling you he had to leave and he loves you more.

 By the time you woke up it was dark outside and sukuna was not beside you leaving you with a sad expression and whimpered when you saw the note he left. You placed the note in your drawer and held the pillow he was laying on, getting a smell of his scent that comforted you. 

 You couldn't come up with the courage to tell him how you feel about him. How much you needed him beside you every night. How your heart yearns for him. You had many thoughts wanting to be his wife. But you are always too scared to tell him because of the fear he would not want that. So you kept them aside.

 You texted him that night to see if he was alright but you got no response and that was because sukuna was on the couch cuddling his wife making her giggle. Kissing her neck gave light bites to her ear as he poked her side. 

 Sukuna is playing with two women he knows it's wrong and he has to choose but not knowing what part of his life he wants. 

 Sukuna again didn't come to see you and only texted you for a few days leaving you alone with no response. You laid in bed hugging your pillow wondering what you did wrong. He became so distant lately. Tears filled your eyes and hid your face away from everything.

 He finally saw the messages seeing  you desperately trying to talk to him and saw the last message.

 'Fine I guess I will leave you alone. If you don't want me any more then tell me. You don't have to keep ignoring me.'

 "Fuck." He tossed his phone onto the passenger seat of his car gripping the steering wheel. He didn't know he could be so caught up in this life. He is ryomen sukuna ceo of his company and he is letting some little woman like you control his life usually that will piss him off.

 But deep down he liked it because he loves you. Being with you all this time always weighed his heart to you and he can not think of anyone else to be with besides you.

 He took out his phone calling the one person he could talk to about anything. 

 "Hey satoru we need to talk, meet me at the ramen shop I like. Thank you. See you there." 

 Sukuna drove off feeling his nerves rise, when he got there he let out a sigh and texted his wife saying he has a meeting outside the office to go to and will be home late. 

 Sukuna walked into the restaurant, seeing satoru's hand raise up calling out to him. He sighed and walked over taking a seat and already saw a drink in front of him. "Is this alcohol?"

 "Why would I do that if I know you are driving? So what dirty secrets do you want to tell me?" 

 Gojo leaned over the table resting his chin onto the palms of his hands. As sukuna cleared his throat to say, "so this talk is only between me and you also nanami if you want to fill him in." Gojo took a drink of his tea and looked to sukuna waiting.

"I am in love with another woman." 

 "No shit". Gojo said with a smile as he pulled down his sunglasses to look at his pink haired friend. Sukuna growled and looked at his drink. "Can I speak fully before  interrupting me with stupid remarks?" Sukuna then glared at him to make sure he understood, seeing gojo flick his hand to continue the talk. 

 "I met this little woman after I had gotten into a fight with the wife, she came home with hickies on her neck and told me it was no big deal. Stating she knows I cheat. I had enough of it so I left to get a break from her staying at my house. Then when I went walking to get chicken wraps I crashed into this woman."

 Satoru chuckled saying "you could have killed her with that body of yours." "Shut up!" Sukuna snarled lowly at him then continued.

 "I saw how cute and shy she was so I thought maybe I could get her into bed with my charm. But she didn't fall for it like most women do. So I made it my mission to try to get with her. The more I was with her the more I wanted a life with her. There is a lot more in detail of why but I won't get into it if you are smart enough to know."

 He looked down and rubbed his face feeling stressed.

 "When I got forced into this marriage I was fine and happy with it. Getting to fuck this beautiful woman that I was tied with not having to worry about anything else. Now being older I see the way two people in love looked at eachother and it was not the same look my wife gives to me. I want to have that life with a woman to go home and relax with her and have her wash away my stress and not give me stress. The woman I could finally experience romance with and have a family."

 Satoru had already seen how his friend had been acting lately. He wasn't so grumpy all the time and he has a different energy. Sukuna looked at gojo then pulled out his phone to show him a picture of you. The white haired man smiled, saying "she is cute." 

"Satoru, she showed me what it's like to be in true love. Everything about her is amazing, she is beautiful, sweet, cute, lovely." 

 "What about the sex?" Satoru asked as sukuna smirked and leaned back in his seat. "This little woman is sexy. She drives me crazy. She makes my heart flutter, swell and twist with passion. The sex feels amazing, let's just say I fit perfectly inside her."

 Sukuna leaned back over the table to say in a low tone "I love the way she tightens around my cock every time I bring her to pure bliss."

 Satoru shook his head with a smirk and said "you never change with those words ryomen."

 Sukuna leaned away again and looked at his tea. "Fuck satoru I don't know what to do? Now my wife comes back after this trip stating that she did not cheat on me and now she wants kids with me and is acting differently."

 Gojo hummed while taking a drink then looked at sukuna being serious. 

"You know this is a serious matter, this affair can be big trouble for the company."

"You think I don't know that". Sukuna growled out.

"Well what are you going to do?"

 Sukuna sighed and rubbed his face. "Gojo this is why I called you here to help me with this. I know I need to stay for the company but y/n is what I deeply want. I fell out of love with yami. And being with her doesn't feel right. Is it because I am guilty? Man, I sound pathetic talking about this."

 Gojo let out a laugh then said "that is a good thing you are having feelings it means you are human and not a demon like others say." Sukuna smirked saying "thanks I guess but that doesn't help."

 His friend smiled and pulled down his glasses to say "look ryomen just do what you want to do. I know that is what you do best. Whatever you choose I am still here for you. But I will say that little y/n girl she does do something to you that I can see. You look more alive with her."

 Sukuna had left the little talk with gojo and went straight to your place, parking outside the building and staring at your door. Debating if he should should just go home after all. But his heart string was pulling him to you. 

 He made his decision when he got out of his car and to your door and gave it a hard knock so you would hear him. He looked at his wrist smiling at the bracelet you gifted him. His wife did question it but she didn't bother with it after he told her it was a gift from a meeting.

 You heard a knock at your door thinking it was your friendly neighbor trying to bring cookies again. You opened it with a smile then froze in shock to see sukuna giving a soft smile. "Hey darling."

 You crossed your arms, giving him an unamused look. "What do you want? I am upset with you. You ignore me for days, then you just show up thinking everything is fine." Sukuna gulped and rubbed his neck saying "I am sorry."

 "You never want to talk to me kuna. I want you to talk to me about your life. What are you feeling? Tell me about your day. Tell me about what is bothering you. Even if it's stupid just talk to me please." He could see your eyes glaze over with tears, he hates to see you cry.

 "No no please don't cry I am sorry. I am dealing with so much bull shit at work. I lose track of time and I am too tired. My ex is bugging me again." He quickly stopped talking from over saying things. 

 "Is that why you are ignoring me? Your ex wife is talking to you again. So you ignore me to have your attention on her. Are you cheating on me?"

 You stepped away not wanting to say that and not wanting to know if it's true.

 Sukuna walked inside pushing passed the door then closed it behind him locking it. "No beautiful I am not cheating on you trust me. Please. I love you." Why was it so easy for him to lie to you?

 You didn't say a word just looking at him annoyed with yourself and him, not knowing what else to say to sukuna. He gulped and said "please say something." "Why?" 

"Because I love you."

You looked away saying "do you?"

 Sukuna felt a sting in his heart. Fine if you think he doesn't then he will just have to show you. With the thing you love to have over and over again. He walked closer to you and grabbed your face then smashed his lips to yours. 

 You wanted to be mad at him but you couldn't stay mad not with his intoxicating lips trying to devour you when you opened your mouth letting his tongue pass through across your lips. You let out a desperate moan into his mouth. 

 Sukuna then grabbed your hips pulling you flush against him and quickly pulled his lips away only to latch them to your neck. You tilted your head back letting him attack your neck with love bites marking you. "Ryomen.." You love the way they feel against your skin. He makes you melt every time.

 "I am sorry for staying away from you because of work. But I can't stop thinking of you and having you in every way." He told you and went to squeeze your ass hearing a gasp coming from you. "Kuna hold on." He froze and pulled his hands away to watch you pull off your clothing just leaving you in underwear as he let out a growl mixed with a groan.

 Sukuna attacked you again with his hands and lips. You moaned letting him have full access to your neck then he started taking off his jacket and shirt leaving everything on the floor. Just seeing his bare chest and abs covered with his black markings on full display his pants hanging low around his hips. 

 "Sukuna takes me to the room." You jumped into his arms as he carried you to the bedroom and kicked your door closed then pressed your back against the door with your legs wrapped around his hips. 

 Sukuna continued to lick and softly suck your neck while grinding himself against you, his lips trail over your collar bone going down to your breast taking a nipple into his mouth. You could feel his tongue swirl around your peaked nub giving attention to the other breast. Moans escaped from you while arching your back wanting to be flush against his skin.

 The feeling of his hard length ready to break through with every push against you. Your hand ran through his hair lightly pulling on it. "Sukuna take me please I need you in me." He gave you a light bite to your neck then pulled you away from the door to take you into the bed and dropped you in it. Feeling your back lay across your blankets, you looked at him. He could see your cheeks tinted pink and breast perked.

 "Fuck your sexy baby." You shudder at his word as it sends a tingle through your body hearing that deep tone of his lustful voice. Sukuna took off his pants as you looked away sliding off your panties and spread your legs for him. He chuckled with a proud smirk while removing his underwear then grabbed his shaft pumping himself while getting onto the bed again. Your eyes drifted to him seeing his thick cock in his hand while you bit your lip. 

 "Be a good girl yea and play with yourself." He heard a whimper from you and watched your hand trail down your body and settled between your legs. 

 His eyes were on you, watching you rub circles over your clit then plunge a finger into yourself then back to your clit. Your hips bucked a little with soft moans leaving you but you ached for something more. 

 Sukuna licked his lips, jerking himself squeezing his cock with a groan. "Yea that's it, good girl. You are such a good girl that maybe I should reward you with this yea?" 

 You stopped pulling your hand away and looked to see him stroking himself then nuzzled his hips between your legs. 

"Sukuna, yes please. Just fuck me already".

"As you wish my love." 

 He gave you a smug smirk then pressed his tip to your entrance as he  braced himself with his hands leaning over the top of you. His eyes locked on yours, you could see the lust mixed with love through his eyes. As he pushed all the way in as you moaned feeling him stretch you to the thickness of him. 

 Sukuna already began to thrust his hips going deep into you. He went slow at first to build that high you love so much. Your hand roamed his chest and shoulders then found their way into his hair as he leaned forward to capture your lips in a deep loving kiss. Your legs squeezed around him then nudged him to talk. 

 "Kuna go faster and harder. I want you to fuck me." He grunted with satisfaction then raised up to grab your wrist and held them above your head while he slowly rocked into you.

 You never saw this side of him before seeing him be so dominant but caring at the same time it turned you on so much. He could feel you pulse around him from this new action making him smirk. "Oh you like this darling? Want me to go faster and harder?"

 You gave him a nod with a response "yes more kuna." He let go of your wrist and gripped your legs to hike then higher over him folding you. 

 With every hard and faster thrust of his cock pressing against that good spot bringing you closer to your release. Moans of his name spilled from you hearing his deep moans and hot breath against the skin of your neck. Your hands tried to grip every part of his body holding onto his neck and the other around his shoulder. This man is everything to you and you want nothing else in life besides him.

"Ryomen…ryomen don't stop, keep going." 

 Sukuna's thrust turned into a rut, feeling his cock swell ready to release. With every pound of his hips you heard your bed creak. Moans and heavy breathing filled your room. Your nails started to dig into his back feeling the knot twist inside you. Sukuna looked at you, his eyes half lidded and leaned up to get a deeper thrust letting his body take control.

 Staring into his eyes feeling so close and the tears formed, glossing your eyes from all the emotion. "Sukuna..s..sukuna." you called out to him as he did the same.

"Beautiful..love."

 Finally feeling that snap of pure bliss you threw your head back scraping your nails across his skin on his back pulling him closer to you. "Ryomen! Sukuna!..ahh sukuna!"

 You yelled his name creaming around his cock making it easier for him to slide all the way deep with the last few pounds he moaned deeply and louder than before slamming his hips against you and poured his thick milky seed into your womb. Sukuna pushed so far and gripped the blanket under you groaning your name. He hoped to breed with you for how deep he knows his seed went inside you, he wants a life with you.

 He carefully laid on top of you,still feeling himself pulse inside you and breathed heavily in sync with your breathing. Your arms wrapped around his neck keeping him close to you not wanting to let go. 

 Hearing your heart thump loud against your chest. As Sukuna slowly pulled out, you let out a breath of air feeling the pressure of his cock leave you and already missing the feeling of him. But he kept his face nuzzled in your neck and his arms snaked around your body.

 You didn't care about the pressure of his body resting on you weighing you down. You love him to stay close to you. Your hands went into his hair softly stroking his pink locks as the other drifted to his back to rub him. All your emotions started to hit you as tears filled your eyes.

 Sukuna felt you breath hard then heard you whimper and squeezed around him with more soft whimpers and sniffles. "Why are you crying beautiful." 

 You buried your face into his neck letting cuddling into his arms and held onto him, he could feel the hot tears against his chest escaping from your eyes. 

 "Ryomen all I want is you. I don't care about anything else in my life except for you. I want to be with you for as long as I live. You make me happy. You make me feel loved. Your arms are warm, and safe. I love to be in them. And I don't want to lose you. I am sorry if I upset you somehow. But fuck ryomen sukuna I love you. You are my home and my heart. You mean the world to me. I..I love you."

 Sukuna's heart broke and for the first time he wanted to cry because you are all he wants and he is going to lose you fast if he doesn't do something about it.

 His mind is finally set on the next step. After tonight when he goes back he needs to divorce and get you in his life. But that would mean he needs to tell you the truth

 "Y/n would you want to marry me? Am I good enough?"

 You moved back slightly to look at him in shock saying "what do you mean? Of course you are good enough I will marry you in a heartbeat. Why?"

 He smiled and pulled you back against his chest saying "just thinking. Let's get some sleep, love you wore me out."

 You giggled kissing his chest then leaned up out of his arms to grab an extra blanket to put over him and you. "Goodnight kuna I love you." He smiled, saying "love you more sweet dreams beautiful." In an instant with the comfort in each other's arms, sleep took you both quickly.

 His wife looked at the time seeing it was way past midnight and she was still up waiting for sukuna to get home. She scoffed and walked into the room. "This fucking stops now. He belongs to me." 

 She picked up her phone calling someone waiting for them to answer and when they did she smiled wickedly.

 "Hello I need a favor. Yes, to track something. Can you find where this number is located?" She gave the person sukuna's phone number and said "send me the address when you find it please and thank you. You will be getting a payment for being so helpful, thank you." 

 About a few minutes later she got a notification on her phone and smiled wide seeing the info. "Sukuna say goodbye to your little slut." 

oh what is this woman planning?! Things are about to go down. Sukuna just made his final moves in his mind to be with you.

Thank you for reading!

[kay-i-guess]

stay, stay, stay | Nikolai Lantsov

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | Nikolai Lantsov x gn!Reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | mentions of an argument 

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | after an argument Nik and y/n apologise and confess how much they love each other

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 | based on this request <3 

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 600 ish words I'm sorry its short :(

I pace a few times outside the door before gathering the courage to knock. I freeze. I can't do this 

I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night, I remember all the yelling, I cringe as I recall throwing a book across the room. 

“Who am I kidding he probably left early this morning, he probably hates me now” I drag my hands across my face.

As I turn to leave I see the door swing open, I whirl back around to see Nikoli staring back at me.

“Nik” I breathe out in relief “you stayed?”

He looks at me questioningly “where was I going to go?”

I shake my head “doesn't matter” I wring my hands nervously “can we talk?”

“Of course” he steps back letting me into his room.

I hear the door shut and Nikolai makes his way until he was standing in front of me “Okay let's talk”

“Nik I’m so sorry, I don't know what happened last night but I feel so guilty” he doesn't say anything so I continue “I'm not good at this whole relationship thing, and anyone I've ever dated took all their problems out on me” 

“y/n you know I didn't mean-” 

“I know” I cut him off 

“Look Nik, I love you, you have given me no choice but to

stay,”  

 He looks shocked for a second ad I fear I said something wrong “I'm sorry i-” he takes my hand cutting me off “y/n! I've loved you for quite some time!”  

“Really?” I start to smile 

“Really” were both grinning like idiots now

“I'm sorry about last night y/n” 

“You know what will make it better?” I grin slyly 

“He laughs at my obvious ploy but goes with it nonetheless “what?”

“A kiss” my arms go up to his neck as he laughs

“I can't argue with that” he leads down meeting my lips with his 

It's a sweet kiss full of apology and love, all too soon we have to break away as there's a sharp knock at the door  

“Sorry love,” he says to me 

I pout jokingly as he greats whoever's at the door 

I make my way over to his desk which is covered with papers, I spot a book sitting on the floor and pick it up examining it for damage, it must have been the book I threw across the room, I smile at just minutes ago I was stressing over this very book I place it gently on the desk and make my way over to Nikolai and the interrupter at the door. It's Zoya, she seems to be annoyed at him, something about missing a meeting.  She says one more thing before stalking off.

Nikolai runs his hands over his face, and I giggle over his frustration “hey, hey look at me it's okay” I pull his hand down and hold them in mine.

“I know, it's just frustrating, sometimes I wish it was just you and me.” he sighs and pulls me into a hug placing his head atop mine I hum in agreement “I love you y/n it's like you know everything about me” I look at him in curiosity his eyes meet mine and I can tell his words are true “you've memorized all of me. My fears, hopes and dreams” he presses a kiss to my forehead “I just like hanging out with you, all the time”

“I step back and study his face “Nik honestly, all those times that you didn't leave It occurred to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life”

“Honest?” he breaths so quietly I almost miss it 

“Honest” I conform 

A smile breaks out on his face and I can't help but kiss him

[gaypirate420]

Curiosity here: {Discussion}

If you could re-write Jasper but keep 2 things about him, what would you keep? Besides appearance and gift! How would you explore this new version of Jasper?

For me, I'd keep his army past and Alice. But I'd explore how he changes over time and comes to realize how bad being on the Confederate side & being racist is. (I think you get it I'm trying to keep this short.)

Such as what makes him change and how he copes with his new understanding, and y'know the whole process of that.

Ofc, she comes into play too, maybe she's the catalyst that gets him to thinkin' about the topic at the surface, but it eventually goes deeper as she overtime explains things to him, and he thinks further on his own. IDK BRO I'm just thinking and wanted to read what you'd do. {Have a discussion.}

I'd change him shacking up w/ the Cullens though...or maybe their relationships with each other. I'd love to explore everything basically around canon while still being divergent to an extent. (Canon Related?)

He'd be the main character, but I think you already knew that if you read or at least skimmed this. But I have a terrible fear of people misunderstanding me. (⊙﹏⊙)

But yeah, I was just curious! I know a lot of people have done all sorts of things with him in Fics regarding his past and such, but I do always enjoy reading your responses to things.

This is just a purely hypothetical discussion. {If this was ever made that would be ambitious as hell cause like mf is like... 150 years old!}

I don't even want to think about all that time, and they never sleep either so like holy hell. So many moments of introspection and guilt and etc. to write I'd have a mental collapse. {But that's me when I write anything but also editing sucks ass.}

But not to mention ofc the huge amounts of research everything would take, and I am a huge perfectionist.

-Sincerely a mutual who tried to ask a few questions then freaked out over my own questions.

I'm making this anon now because I fear this ask now.

I think we have the same idea dear mutual!

(this is so fucking long omg I went off the rails, let me know what y'all think.)

I wouldn't rewrite anything, I'll just play it differently, I'll give it a nice depth.

I've always been on the side that just rewrite or ignore Jasper's confederate past is- not ideal. Yeah it's okay for a silly little comfort fic with your favorite vampire but not when talking about his actual canon characterization.

I would keep him serving for the Confederate army. I know a lot of people don't like that about him, but, I think it's a huge part of his character but there was something lacking there.

And what was missing is guilt.

Jasper, as to how he is written, and how we see the scenes of his past are played on both the book and the movie makes him look like he wasn't ashamed of his racist past or that he was even still prideful for it.

And it's so weird for me, how could this man who spent a century long depression, a self described "monster" a "nightmare" that just floods with self loathing couldn't feel guilty for not only taking someone's life but their freedom?

How could he feel guilty over killing the newborns but not black people? It doesn't make sense and it makes it worse, it makes you think that he, in modern times, it's still a confederate and also because vampires are "mentally frozen." He's not changed that much really then.

(I think Jasper lacking guilt and remorse about these fact about him is because of SM and her own views she not so subtlety spread all over her books though.)

So yes, I am keeping him as an ex-confederate soldier. Jasper was 17 so we are just to assume he was ignorant, and that's okay, we can live with an ignorant white boy for now. I cannot stress enough about how there is no need to make mental flips and splits to justify this choice of thinking in a 17 y/o southern boy from the 1840's. But, he gets to change, he, after the first years of him killing the newborns reflects about this, he might not be completely educated but he has the spirit.

Now let's talk about Alice.

I love her, but, if we are really analysing this then her and therefore the rest of the Cullens (because they welcome her and Jasper on their family) are okay with Jasper serving for the confederacy and I don't like that.

Why did Alice make him feel hope and all this shit and get him to change and learn a new life but didn't make him reflect on that maybe, perhaps, fighting for the enslavement of an entire race wasn't a good thing to do.

She says "you'll never be that again." referring to him being a vampire killing machine, not a racist, may I remind y'all.

So, I think the change would be about Alice teaching him things, Jasper spent so much time with Maria and then he was seriously depressed, I get the idea he wasn't interested on- going outside besides to feed from humans.

I think there are two types of vampires, those who love seeing humanity grow and change and come up with all these little inventions and then the ones who just see humans as prey.

Alice being the first and Jasper the second, but not for long after he meets her.

I think Alice could update him about the modern world that was the 50's, she would educate her that yes, Jasper's gentlemanly ways are charming and make her blush and giggle but there are some comments that aren't okay, just because in "his time" it was "okay", "funny" or "right", to say these things doesn't make them less offensive, dismissive and hurtful.

Alice would ask Jasper what did he felt while serving? And why? Was he even fully aware of what he was fighting for? Did the years of him seeing countless human's fight and go to wars that got bloodier and more destructive made him stop and think about the damage of his own army career?

Make the man reflect. Make him think for days and days about these questions he asked himself but never truly took the time to answer them. I need Jasper to have a slight mental breakdown before he gets to know the more peaceful life with the Cullens and Alice.

Alice asked these questions in her endless curiosity, not in innocence, but rather to know Jasper, really know him and understand him.

I want him to feel disgusted about having to feed from humans now that he realizes how much harm he did, and that's were the Cullens come in, Alice knows about her new family of course and it's more than excited to know her mate wants this life too, not because oh he's so in love with her he'll do anything (he is) but because he wants to change.

Carlisle let's him stay because he knows this, he understands in a way and he can't help but sympathize with him and Alice wanting to change herself and help her partner.

But Jasper can't fully because his body is asking him to kill constantly. He doesn't want to keep harming people, but his body can't forget, not only his body it's scarred as a reminder, but there's this annoying bloodlust that doesn't want to go away just yet.

But he has Alice, holding his hand and make him feel like everything will be alright.

Jasper is struggling but he is changing, he is getting more and more mental peace, finally, after a century and a half. It's slow, it's painful but it's there, self forgiveness and change.

One of the things that I love, a concept, Jasper being into philosophy, history and just literature, him loving to learn.

I love that in Breaking Dawn Jasper wanted to help Bella with her thirst. And of course I love him being hurt when she's way more successful than he is after so many years.

Seeing someone who you share the same experiences is so amazing, it helps you, but seeing them overcome this challenges that you also endure it brings you down on such a horrible way, it hurts you, but it makes you think of who you were before and how much you have accomplished. How much you've changed and that's my take on Jasper Hale.

I am not normal about him.

Also, I think I would change vampires not being able to sleep or cry, I think Jasper deserves both, as a treat :). I love him.

[oceansssblue]

[THE BAD BATCH]—COMFORTING THE STUDENT series.

TECH/READER

WARNING: ANXIETY 💔, COMFORTING FLUFF 💖. NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION OF READER. ONLY THING MENTIONED IS READER BEING A MED STUDENT (AKA WHAT I AM, SORRY).

EVER BEEN STRESSED AS A STUDENT? WELL, JUST IMAGINE IF YOUR BB BOYFRIEND CAME TO THE RESCUE. THAT'S THIS.

You read page after page as quick and fast as you can, your eyes flying through the textbook uploaded in your datapad and devouring the unit you're supossed to know by now. You're supossed to have learnt every single unit, actually, as there's only three days left til your exam; and yet this is the first time you've come across this particular one.

It's not that you're a bad student. It's not that you're a good student and time has simply slipped through your fingers, either. No; you've been studying for this exam for months now, keeping up with your collage lessons day by day, making notes and checking extra books that could probably save up the gym fee for some. It's just literally impossible. You've got a hundred units for just one subject, each of them with a hundred slides too. It would already be difficult to prepare for that; and the worst thing is that that is just one of the seven subjects you have for this semester. On top of the pure studying, you have to add the endless –and mandatory– seminar lessons, practical cases, and your non-stop system of rotations in Coruscant's main hospital. You wake up at seven –and eat your breakfeast on the run–; start your theorical lessons at 0800, and finish them at 1300. You get a half an hour break to have lunch; then, you rotate in the hospital til 1830. When you finally get back home, artificial lights are already dimming in Coruscant; you do a study marathon, and pass out in your bed til the next day starts with the same strict routine again.

You love your career. You actually enjoy studying what you do and learning about how the different's species body functions and how to cure them; love helping people too. It makes you happy, as simple as that. It's just... Sometimes you just wished it weren't so difficult. You wished your choice would allow you to live more fully; to go out with your friends more, spend time with your family, to just take a day to yourself with absolutely nothing to do –and not feeling guilty about it–. You're afraid of missing out. But it's your choice. You just hope you're enough to make it through.

Your heart beat speeds up, and your breathing starts to quicken. You don't stop, just try to mentally calm yourself down while you keep flying through the text book. It obviously doesn't work. You're more stressed with each minute that tickles by; all your worries mixing up in your head and making it impossible to think and concentrate. You gulp. It's hard to swallow, now; the knot in your throat dangerously squeezing inch by inch, second by second. You tug at the collar of your shirt, trying to ease the feeling. You feel like you want to cry and shout at the same time. You feel like you want to claw your stress out and nausea pools at your stomach. Your throat keeps tightening, and you can't breath, your eyes tear up til they blurr your vision and...

"Breathe" the firm, gentle voice cuts out through everything, and your head snaps up.

Tech is kneeling in front of you. His own inseparatable datapad lays abandoned on the floor; his bright warm chocolate eyes completely focused on yours behind the yellow lenses of his goggles.

You're nearly hiperventilating, now; you're hands reach to him and your nails sink desperately onto his forearms, eyes begging for help.

"Just focus on me, cyare. You know you're safe with me" he says, voice calm and controlled even if it's killing him to see you suffer. "You always are".

Tech searches your face before starting with a relaxing technique he had learnt years ago; when he himself had been scared of not meeting up the kaminoans expectations in a younger age. He knows what this is about.

"Tell me five things you can see. Do it for me" he commands, softly, hands gently moving to your shoulders and slowly caressing them up and down.

Tech has to repeat his petition for you to actually be able to process it. You stare at him, putting all your effort in trying to think an answer for him. It's stupid, really; but in moments like these it's like your brain slows downs and jumps everywhere. It's difficult to think.

Tech's eyes never leave yours. It's one of the things you've always liked about him; his warm chocolate gaze. It makes you feel special and loved; not disminished at all by those yellow...

"Goggles" you come up with, finally, and the small smile that lightens up Tech's face is a price on its own.

"Correct" he answers, nodding, thumbs making slow circles on your shoulders. "Only four additional ones left".

You nod slowly and search him. He's not wearing his armour. He never does when he's in your apartment, always abandoning it carefully by the front door in a practiced pile. The only thing he conserves is his datapad, that –as you noticed before– it's abandoned on the floor next to him.

"Datapad" you answer, therefore, eyes keeping your scan and quickly finding other things. "Tea cup, music recorder, candle".

Your breathing starts to slow down; not as laboured as before. Tech nods and continues with the technique.

"Four things you can touch".

You frown, a bit confused with this strange method to calm you down, but you follow through. If you should trust someone with something, it's definitively your boyfriend. He's the smartest person you've ever met. And probably that you'll ever meet.

You look around again, your mind unconsciously processing things you are touching now, with purpose or not.

"Clothes, floor mat" you begin, confident, quickly stealing a glance across your room and finishing your task "pillows, closet".

Tech humms. Your heartbeat slows down.

"Three you can hear".

You pay attention to your next sense. Coruscant has always been a busy city; it's never truly silent, not even inside your apartment.

"Traffic, people, your sweet voice" you answer, smiling at your last choice, and your beloved clone smiles in amused surprise.

"Two things you can smell?".

You do a little scrunch with your nose without even being aware of it.

"Leftovers" you confess with a hit of embarassment "and your deodorant".

"Well, I feel lucky someone appreciates it, at least. I'm glad I haven't carried the Marauder's odor with me" he jokes, and he succeeds in making you smile.

The knot on your throat finally starts to dissapear, and you feel like you can breathe again, like you're back in control of yourself. You can think clearer and process everything better. Your nails stop clinging to Tech's forearms, and turns to a gentle hold instead.

Fuck, you love this man. He has everything you've ever looked for in a partner. Respect, attraction, trust. Someone that doesn't need you but that wants to stay; someone that shares his interests, thoughts and feelings and learns about yours as well. Someone that you admire and feel safe with; and not just because he's a soldier and is physically able to. It's mental, as well; you can be yourself with him, without feeling the need to tone yourself down or fearing mistakes. And your favourite part; when you have an argument, he doesn't run away. He gives you space, if you need it; but you always adress the issue and he's able to keep a gentleness and logical disposition even then. You talk about things; and he doesn't have a problem admiting the things he did wrong himself. You do, too. That's probably why you've been together this long; why you work so well.

Affection warms your body and you bend towards him; Tech quickly understanding your need to feel closer to him and carefully holding your face in his hands, bringing your foreheads together in the keldabe kiss he had taught you about when you first started seeing each other. You inmediately melt into his half embrace, and he sighs in contentment too.

"One thing you can taste" he whispers, at last, across your lips, and you already know there's only one right answer for this.

"You" you answer back, voice equally soft and gentle, and you slowly kiss his lips and relax in his arms. Your boyfriend smiles and –unhurriedly– kisses you back.

Tech will offer to help you study after, you know this; he'll find dozens of nemotechnicall tricks for you to remember the hardest things, explain everything you don't quite understand. He'll pin-point the most important aspects and even make you a list of the questions that have more posibilities of making it into the exam. You can do it. You just need to keep working, give it your best. You've been through this before. And if inspite of everything you fail, then it's not the end of the world. You'll have more chances, even if it's unfair and annoying; you'll finish your career sooner or later, and no-one is gonna steal that from you. And defintely not a stupid exam.

For now, you breathe him in and enjoy the moment of peace. Tech hums contently and tilts your head to a better position, deepening the kiss; his thumbs caressing the skin of your cheeks while you melt for him.

<< Just five more minutes >> you think, abandoning your chair in favor of your boyfriends lap. Tech chuckles in amusement and holds you tight.

"I love you, cyare" he mumbles, nuzzling lazily into your neck, feeling glad to see you coming back to yourself.

You sigh and caress his hair.

"I love you too, handsome" you pull away enough to look into his eyes, Tech holding your gaze "Thank you".

He nods and you kiss him again.

THE END.

----------------------

TARAAAA! I HOPE YOU'VE LIKED THIS LITTLE COMFORT ONE-SHOT. I'M PLANNING TO DO ONE FOR EACH BATCH MEMBER, WITH THEIR DIFFERENT APROACHES TOWARDS IT. TECH IS JUST THE FIRST; I'LL WRITE THE OTHERS THESE DAYS!

REMEMBER—IF YOU PUT TRUE EFFORT IN SOMETHING, CHANCES ARE YOU GET WHAT YOU'RE WORKING FOR. BUT IF YOU DON'T, DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU. WE ARE NOT MACHINES, WE DON'T GET EVERYTHING AT THE FIRST TIME. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DO IT OR YOUR VALUE IS ANY LESS. TREAT YOURSELF KINDLY; YOU CAN DO WONDERFUL THINGS, JUST BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

AS ALWAYS, LET ME KNOW IF YOU'VE LIKED IT AND REBLOG IS ALWAYS APRECIATED! REQUESTS/PROMPTS OPENED :)

Xx,

Sky.

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