#things my husband says

[miss-tc-nova]

Eyed in the Knee

Ace: Can you believe that Yuu kneed me in the eye?!

Deuce: What?!

Yuu: Woah, hold on! Don't you go twisting things!

Ace: I would never!

Yuu: Liar! We were napping and I was wrapped around my body pillow. Then he decides to also use my pillow and slams his face into my knee!

Ace: No!

Yuu: He didn't even wake up!

Deuce: Wow. So you eyed Yuu's knee

Yuu: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

Ace: ಠ_ಠ

[unchartedterritoria]

So.

I decided to take the hubby through Shadow and Bone.

He has changed the names of the main characters.

Meet Smog Man...

And Lite Brite.

[psuedochakra]

Leaving the beach

Babe: oh babe we could tag in for volleyball!

Me: we could

Babe: I don't have my sunglasses though

Friend: are you guys doing a bit?

Babe: we are

Friend: is it that gay navy movie?

Me: it is

Babe, a Navy vet: you know we were fine until Top Gun came out. Like that village people song? In the Navy? We could play that off as a joke. But top gun came out and -

Friend: then everyone knew you guys were kissing?

Babe, loudly: then everyone knew we were just making out on the ocean!

[atroposdelafere]

Husband heating up his leftover burrito:

-Do you think I should use knife and fork to eat it?

Me (not aware it was a decision requiring two people):

-I don't know. Is it firm? Can you hold it comfortably? Is it soggy? Is it hot? Does it leak?

Husband:

-You are asking too many unnecessary questions.

Me:

-Just use cutlery.

[thebumblebeesystem]

My husband just sent me a message saying "Erenville sighting 6.4." I love that he tells me stuff like this, haha. I guess I've been a bit obvious about how much I like him. 😅 

[isabellehemlock]

When two asthmatic people have sex: *breathless cackle*

[northernlight-witch]

Shit my husband says 29

All birds are chickens… except for chickens, those are dinosaurs

[christadeguchi]

"we know how to move our bodies, but i didn't know how to manage my heart, so you need help for this"

hi we need to talk more about judo gold medallist christa deguchi.

[miss-tc-nova]

Nothin' Left to Lose, Or Use, Or Do

Yuu: Don't forget to give a treat to Grim

Ace: I never give one to Grim

Yuu: You're supposed to give Grim two treats in the morning

Ace: I never do

Yuu: That's rude

Ace: He's barely even out of bed in the morning

Yuu: *Pointing* He's literally waiting for it

Ace: He barely even eats his breakfast in the morning

Yuu: Well he's been having a great time with me

Ace: Your mom's a great time...Wait!

Yuu: -_-

Cater: I'm so glad I got that on camera

[chronicallyuniconic]

My OH only found out today what a 'friendship ring' is

I'm absolutely howling at their reaction, it doesn't compute with them, saying things like "just fucking propose" "what the fuck" and how patronising and belittling it is and continued with "I love you, I've spent the best 10 years with you, here's a friendship ring"

im screaming😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

[witchcatyoshiko]

Me: I thought we were gonna go swim?

Husband: you just almost ran into a door YOU were opening for YOURSELF. I’m calling it. We’re done for the day.

[jupiter-ghost]

Quotes from my husband:

Him- My hands are spoons. That conviently become forks.

Me- oh but not knives?

H- Knives. Scissors.

M- and your feet?

H- Feet are just mashers. And kicking is just horizontal mashing.

M- *now dying of laughter*

H- Kicking someone in the balls is just mashing their nuts.

[willgrahamscock]

Incredible that Will Graham was in his 30s popping pain killers not because he was tired from the midlife crisis late night clubbing era, but because he was trying to dull his psychosexual urges for his therapist who was using his super power sniffers to gauge if he should add more salt and pepper on him when he wasn't looking.

[atroposdelafere]

Introducing my new (and so far first and only), series: "things my husband says". With a promise of possible spin-off "things my husband does".

While shopping for a new jacket.

Me: Try on tbis one!

Husband: it's not comfy.

Me: oh pitty, what's wrong with it?

Husband: it's black.

I mean... he is not wrong. It was black...

[thebumblebeesystem]

Funny conversation I just had with my husband:

(Tone on this whole thing is light/joking/teasing, nothing mean.)

Me: I'm still working on setting up sideblogs for my system. There's a limit of creating 10 per day, so I try to do one or two when I think about it so I don't hit up against that limit.

Him: Only 10 per day.

Me: Mhm. But unlike ffxiv which limits you to 40 characters total per account, at least you can have unlimited sideblogs.

Him: You should tell your tumblr friends about that. How you have so many characters that you've found both the daily character creation limit, and the total character limit - the hard way. Go on, go post about it.

LOL, fine, I'll post about it. In my defense (still joking tone there I know I don't need a defense), I'm a large DID system and a lot of us each want our own characters. Can't blame everyone for wanting to join in on the fun with our special interest, haha.

[isabellehemlock]

My husband, walking into the living room: time for another session of either, watching fucking something, or watching something fucking.

Me, looking up from my phone: . . . What?