#things that seem to come easy for others but you have to strive for

[cevansbrat0007]

The Anatomy of an Orgasm

Summary: You make the mistake of faking an orgasm while in bed with Ari...

Warnings: Light Angst, Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Smut, Oral Sex (fem rec), Fake Orgasms, Stubborn Reader, Hurt Feelings, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Prompt courtesy of @writer84. Takes place early in Ari and Bird's relationship. Part of my Sweet Renegade Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

When you think back to the early days of your relationship, one thing that always surprises you is just how perceptive this man could be sometimes – especially when it came to you. Even now, that man continues to watch you like a hawk, taking in your every movement. 

And listening to your every word.

You know it’s because he’s trying to anticipate your needs. Every day he wakes up, Ari Levinson strives to be the man you need him to be. Your safety and security are of paramount importance to him. He’s the type of man to take on your worries as his own. The type of man to help you master your fears. Over time he’s become more than just your champion. He’s also your biggest cheerleader. 

Which is why there’s this expectation that now exists between the two of you – one forged by trust, as well as honest and open communication. And while this is something that seems to come easy to your bounty hunter, sometimes it proves to be a little more challenging for you. 

It’s hard not to bottle everything up. It’s natural for you to simply stuff things down and wait until everything exploded later.

Because up until this point, you’d never had someone with whom you could share the weight of your world – even though Ari continues to show you that nothing is too much for his broad shoulders to carry. 

Tonight you’re lying in bed on your back, your legs draped over Ari’s muscled shoulders. His handsome face is currently buried between your thighs while he makes a meal out of your pussy. Your spine arches when you feel him suck your swollen clit between his lips, applying just pressure to have your eyes rolling back in your head. 

Or at least it would…if you could get yourself to relax enough to actually enjoy it.

“Taste so good, baby.” Your man rasps once he releases you, taking a moment to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss along the curve of your inner thigh.

“Uh huh.” You mumble, throwing your arm over your eyes as he gets back to his dessert. 

Ari nuzzles your dripping cunt with the tip of his nose, growling when he’s rewarded with a soft whine from you. And you can’t stop your hips from bucking when he slowly spears two thick fingers inside you, pumping them in and out in time with his wicked tongue. 

Any other time you would’ve been well on your way to your second orgasm, if not coasting along to your third. But every time you try to give over the pleasure, your traitorous mind keeps deciding to wander...

Sales at the bookstore were down this month. And the latest series, featuring a brand new, up-and-coming author, hadn’t performed anywhere near as well as you’d initially thought it would. Which was surprising to say the least – especially since the woman had spent the last month being featured on virtually every single morning daytime talk show that promised her an audience. 

And then there was all the shit you had on backorder. Items that were effectively stuck in limbo until the day they finally arrived on your doorstep. Hopefully sometime before next year.

You remind yourself to moan when Ari picks up his pace, your hips writhing beneath him as you try to hide the fact you’re becoming increasingly distracted. But try as you might, the disconnect between your mind and your body only continues to grow. 

A sharp cry escapes your throat when you feel his fingers curl, delicately stroking that special place inside you that normally made sparks dance behind your eyes. 

“That’s it, little Bird.” Ari grunts, his eager tongue lashing against your clit. “Be a good girl and cum for me. Wanna taste it.”

Yeah, there was no way you were gonna get there tonight. Not like this. 

“Give it to me, baby.” He orders again. “Right fuckin’ now.” 

At a loss for what else to do, you bear down, desperately clenching around him in what you hope is a believable performance. “Oh god, Beast!” You repeat the action again and again, making sure to accompany it with several breathy little sighs.

“Wow.” You breathe once Ari finally releases his grip on your hips. Now that you’re free, you quickly scoot away and begin searching for your discarded panties, which wasn’t typical behavior for you. You were more the type that preferred to bask in bliss.

But not tonight. Because you’d just faked an orgasm with this gorgeous man.

Right now you felt sweaty and awkward, and you needed space to breathe. You refuse to even look in Ari’s direction as you hastily begin to redress, lest he see right through you. 

"That was great." You mumble lamely.

“What are you–where are you goin’?” A pang of guilt hits you when you note the confusion in his tone. 

“Huh?” You slip his t-shirt over your head. He wouldn’t mind that you were leaving him half-naked, since he was wearing his boxer briefs. “I’m just gonna…go clean up. Maybe work off some of this excess energy.”

That last sentence has you inwardly face palming. What a stupid thing to say to a man like Ari Levinson. 

“Hey, come back here a second…” You watch out of the corner of your eye as he sits up in bed. At times like this you were reminded that the man in your bed was also a detective, which meant he came equipped with a sixth sense for bullshit. 

Mainly yours.

“Stay here and relax.” You tell him, making your way towards the door. “I just…know I won’t be able to sleep knowing I left behind a sink full of dirty dishes.” 

“C’mere first.”

Shaking your head, you head for the stairs. At that moment, even the underlying authority in his voice wasn’t enough to make you obey. You always seemed to find a sense of calm when you cleaned. Fingers crossed that it worked tonight.

You’re gifted with a whopping ten minutes to yourself before you hear your man lumbering down the stairs. Rinsing a plate under hot water, you hope that he’s only stopping in for a glass of water and not because he wants to talk. 

Grimacing, you move on to the next soiled piece of dishware, scrubbing vigorously. Your back remains turned, just as it had upstairs. Perhaps if you avoided eye contact he would simply grab his beverage and go on his merry way. 

“Bird.” 

Your beloved pet name rumbles from somewhere deep in his chest. However, you refuse to look at him, seemingly content to focus on the task at hand. 

“Clean glasses are in the cupboard.” 

“Hey.“ You startle when you feel two large, warm hands settle on your hips, followed by the soft skim of lips along the curve of your ear. “Stop.” 

“But I’m not done.” You mumble, blinking back tears for some stupid reason you can’t quite name. “Everything needs to be dried and put away. I haven’t swept or wiped anything down. And it’s been a couple days since I mopped.”

“Baby, your kitchen is always spotless. Now I’m askin’ you to dry your hands and come talk to me.”

“I’m not sure we have anything to talk about.” You hedge, wishing he’d just leave you be – even as you dutifully move to do as he requests.

“Yeah?” Ari gives you a comforting squeeze, willing you to relax against his bare chest. “Well, you could start by explainin’ just what what the hell happened back in bed.”

“Nothing happened.”

“My entire goddamned point.” Comes his gruff response. “That wasn’t you back there, baby.”

“Not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Squirming out of his embrace, you attempt to put some distance between you and him using your kitchen island as a buffer.

Ari sighs, tipping back his head to briefly stare at the ceiling. His big body remains tense as he struggles to get you to open up and tell him the truth. “Was I too rough with you? Are you…are you sore?”

That familiar pang of guilt returns full-force now, because of course your sweet Beast would be the kind of man to blame himself for the issues you’d experienced in the bedroom. It was just who he was. 

“No.” You swiftly respond before wrapping your arms around your middle. “I’m sorry I left so abruptly. I–I was focused on the kitchen. But I swear I’ll make it up to you.” And now you feel even worse for having abandoned him with a hard-on.

“Why are you fuckin’ lying to me?”

“I-I’m not.”

Your teeth begin to worry your bottom lip as you watch his demeanor change. His clouded blue eyes narrow as his nostrils flare, followed by that signature tick in his jaw. 

“Tell me you didn’t just fake it with me earlier. Look my in the eyes and fuckin’ tell me you gave something real back in that bed and I’ll leave it alone.”

You immediately avert your gaze. Because you honestly didn’t have it in your heart to keep lying to this man. He deserved better. And frankly, so did you. 

“Eyes on me, Bird.” He orders, demanding your full attention. “Open up that pretty mouth and start talkin’.” Sometimes this man had the patience of a saint. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally admit, wincing as the words come pouring out. “You weren’t supposed to–” You clamp your mouth shut and force yourself to pivot. “I didn’t think you’d be able to tell.”

Ari is quiet for a moment as confusion and disappointment radiate from his much larger form. 

“Why’d you do it?” 

“I’m sorry.” Unsure of what to do with all your nervous energy, you remove the tie from your hair to run your fingers through your curls. “I–I’ve never done it before. And I shouldn’t have done it tonight. I…” You glance down at your bare toes, wishing that the ground would simply open up and swallow you whole where you stood.

“Eyes.” Ari demands, making you jump slightly. “Damn it, baby. We’re gonna have a hell of a time making this shit work if you go mute every time there’s an issue.”

“It has nothing to do with you!” You manage to stop yourself just short of screaming. “I already said I was sorry, okay? Like, what more do you want from me?”

“And I want you to tell me when you suddenly decided to fake your pleasure with me!” He snarls, his brawny arms crossing his chest. “You claim you’ve never done it before. So what the hell made tonight so special?”

Yeah, he was fucking pissed. And what’s worse is that he had every reason to be. Because you’d hurt him. 

“Unless you’re lying to me. Again.” He continues when you refuse to answer. 

“I’m not.” You sniffle, dragging a weary hand across your face. “What you and I have – swear to God, Beast – it’s amazing. Explosive. Sometimes it feels like it’s too much to handle.” When all you receive is a grunt for your trouble, you take that as permission to keep going. 

“And tonight was no exception, it’s just…” You pause long enough to steady your breathing. “It felt like my body and my brain were totally disconnected. And no matter how hard I tried to relax and let myself feel good, I just couldn’t.”

Ari continues to stare you down as that tick in his jaw continues to work overtime.

“I’ve faked it before, with the others. Th–they didn’t know.” Neither Mason, nor the only other man you’d ever been with had seemed to notice whenever you’d been less than honest with them in bed.

“So you didn't think that I'd know. Jesus Christ.” He hisses, bracing himself on the edge of the counter. “Well, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but I ain’t them.” He levels you with a hard look. “I know you, know your body. I’ve memorized what you look like when you cum, the little noises you make, the way your gorgeous body bends and your pretty toes curl.”

Your eyes flutter closed as he speaks, which is why you fail to notice when he begins to round the corner – like a predator stalking his prey.

“I know what you taste like on my tongue. Know what it feels like to have that greedy pussy gush around me while your heels dig into my back. Even when you tap out, you best be sure that she always wants more.”

When you open your eyes it’s to see Ari looming over you. But you’re not intimidated, because deep down you know he would never hurt you, even though you’d just hurt him. However, you’re surprised when he reaches up to cup your face with both hands.

“I know these things…” Your bounty hunter rasps, his voice sounding almost hoarse. “Because I know you. I know my woman.” A lone tear falls, slowly gliding its way down your check before Ari dashes it away with his thumb.

“It wasn’t you, Beast.” You rush to reassure him, even as you move to bury your face in the wall of his sculpted chest. “I’ve just been so worried about the store – it’s been a slow month. And I’m still waiting on an order from two months ago. And tonight it was like no matter how much I tried to forget and refocus…I just couldn’t.”

“Hmph.” He grunts, but not before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “Why do you think I’m always on your stubborn little ass to talk to me?”

“I know.” Your words come out muffled. 

“If you’re not in the mood, or there’s too much going on in the beautiful brain, I want you to fuckin’ talk to me about it.” Without warning, he lifts you with impressive ease to set you on the counter. 

“I know.” Another tear escapes, but Ari is quick to wipe it away. “But I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Disappoint me how?” He scoffs, briefly resting his forehead against your own.

“If you want sex and I don’t or I can’t, then –” 

“Then I’ll handle that shit like a man.” Ari swiftly interrupts. “Baby, it’s like you breathe in my general direction and I’m fuckin’ hard. But if the moment’s not working for you, either because you’re tired or you got worries, I want you to fuckin’ talk to me. Don’t fake an orgasm to try and soothe my ego.”

Wordlessly you nod as you go to wrap your arms around his neck, drawing him closer. You feel yourself relax when he pulls you into his warm embrace. It was the first time you’d been able to do so all evening. 

“It won’t happen again. Just…please don’t leave tonight.” Your voice sounds so small and fragile it takes you by surprise. 

“Aw, I ain’t goin’ anywhere, pretty Bird.” One of his hands begins to rub soothing circles along your lower back. Later, you would learn that that thought had never even crossed his mind. “Consider this water under a fuckin’ bridge.” 

You continue holding each other for a while longer, content to bask in the comforting silence. If there was never any doubt as to why you were coming to care so deeply for this man, those thoughts had all been dashed tonight.

In fact, if you weren’t careful, you just might be tempted to fall in love with this man. 

“C’mon back upstairs.” Ari murmurs a little while later, but not before capturing your lips with a gentle kiss. “Let’s get you into a shower, I’ll even help you wash your hair.” 

At his urging, you'd shown him how to do a quick co-wash a couple weeks ago, and now he was hooked. Not that you were complaining.

“Okay.” You nod, unable to stop yourself from melting.

“Tomorrow, we’ll talk about the shop. Maybe brainstorm some ideas about how to fix things, or at least cushion the blow.” Again you nod, feeling more at peace with the world than you had the last several days. 

Reaching for your hand, you lace your fingers through his and allow yourself to be led back up the stairs, leaving the dishes and the rest of your chores undone. You had more important things to see to, right now. 

And, perhaps, a little more apologizing to do.

END

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[solspina]

Rating primarchs based on how good of a boyfriend they would be

full send no context

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

Horus : 8/10

He’s a nice guy for the most part, very charismatic and though very goal focused he’s also kind and open to those he’s closest to. Outwardly, he’s very straightforward, stern, and absolutely ruthless to his enemies. There’s humanity within him though, and he won’t keep his friendly, loving demeanor away from those who deserve it. Find him at a celebratory event, drunk with Sanguinius, moments in which he’s full of nothing but laughter and love for his brothers and the one who stands beside him. His love language is quality time.

Leman Russ : 4/10 (negotiable)

Though he knows love, it seems to be quite strictly familial. He’s described often as ruthless and barbaric, naive and braggish. If you can put up with things like that, I’m sure he would be a fine boyfriend. Similarly enough though, he’s had many women try to court him all at once, and successfully. I can’t promise his loyalty if someone better looking comes along, as no one ever taught him the importance of that. Outside of the constant, lingering fear of replacement, he can have his caring and understanding moments, occasionally bringing you gifts from crusades and sieges on other planets. Maybe his loyalty to the emperor would apply to his lover too, if you tell him what it means to you. His love language is gift giving.

Ferrus Manus : 7/10

Rage is his fatal flaw if we’re being honest. Not towards you, but towards battle. Toward you I imagine he would be more straightforward and honest, though trustworthy and strong willed to make your relationship work. Loyalty will never ever ever be an issue with him, but it seems like he spends more time with war and battle than he does you. He spends time with you when he can, though, and he truly does care. Points off for his temper. He gave his brothers personalized gifts, and i’m sure he would go through many lengths to do the same for you. His love language is gift giving.

Fulgrim: 6/10

He’s constantly trying to be perfect, and he wants whoever he’s with to be perfect too. A lot of the time, it gets to his head. He can be incredibly ignorant quite often, and isn’t very considerate of your feelings. You’re more of an idol to him, a model. You’re human, so he sees you as perfect, something he and his people should strive to be like. Youre idealized, and under rose tinted lenses, this looks a lot like love… Lots of acts of service and gift giving.

Vulkan : 10/10

The only man you will ever need point blank period. He’s patient, he’s empathetic, he’s kind, he’s humane. He’s incredibly easy to love, and he truly is beloved. The Salamanders love you too, sometimes listening to your commands as if they were his. You’re respected as long as you’re under his arm. He wants to understand the way humans feel, especially understand the reason they wrap their arms around each other and sleep with their bodies entwined at night. His love language is physical touch.

Rogal Dorn : 6/10

He’s incredibly loyal, and also incredibly honest, but his seriousness can get in the way sometimes. You love him, very much, but there are times you get into petty arguments and he has to go consult Horus and Sanguinius for advice on what to do. He’s also very reserved at times, a lot like a single dad who’s just doing his best to keep his job and go about his day. Acts of service would be his love language.

Roboute Guilliman : 9/10

Guilliman is a great boyfriend, a great tactician, a great warrior, all of the above. The only reason i’d take a point off is because I believe he may be a little arrogant at times. He believes that his way is the right way, but he’s usually willing to listen to you and your concerns. He’s incredibly intelligent, very sympathetic and understanding of human trials and concerns, and he’s a lot like we are modern times. I think he would look for comfort in a significant other, and his love language is likely acts of service.

Magnus the Red : 3/10

Another man that I don’t recommend being with. He’s more arrogant than Fulgrim. When I said Guilliman believes his way is the right way, Magnus takes it a step up. He thinks he’s ALWAYS right. He cares, and he means well, but he’s way too much to put up with. Highly manipulative and self absorbed, don’t put yourself in that situation. He values knowledge more than he does you.

Sanguinius : 10/10

Besides the fact he’s a vampire, you’re probably the most safe with him. He genuinely cares for you and your well-being, and sleeping next to him at night with his wing draped over you is an absolute dream in a universe plagued by war. His sons may fall to their bloodthirst when they’re on the home ship, and Sanguinius is fast to wrap himself around his human partner and protect them from any and all harm. You hold him through his sorrow every time a mass of humans or his sons lose their lives, and you watch him kneel to offer you his loyalty and unconditional love rather than you offering it to him. He gives both physical touch and words of affirmation.

Lion El’Jonson : 7/10

Of course he has his moments where he can come off as aloof and paranoid, but that’s for the most part only on the battlefield. Outside, he’s incredibly charming and charismatic, but in a noble way. When his paranoia gets to him after an argument, he seeks out Sanguinius and Horus for advice, wanting nothing more to fix your relationship and solve whatever went wrong. He become more secretive as time goes on, but old habits die hard. I believe he’d offer acts of service.

Perturabo : 6/10

He’s incredibly smart, but finds relating to you and your human tendencies incredibly difficult. His moods can shift and change rapidly and violently, but I believe he means you no true harm. He would never hurt you intentionally, often opting to back away and give himself space, sometimes for days. He never returns to you without a mechanically engineered gift, though, one of his design. Alongside a very gentle hug and a conversation about how you care about him, what he loves. You love him, not for his usefulness to the emperor, but for him. His love language is definitely gift giving.

Mortarion : 8/10

He’s very confused as to why you would choose him. He’s disgusting, an abomination, he hated everything from psykers to his oppressors, what did anything matter if he would be left to the mercy of another oppressor anyways? All thoughts he had until he met you. He was cold and hateful to you at first, untrusting, and yet you showed him kindness. You showed him kindness over and over again. For once, it wasn’t just a one time thing. You’re the only thing in this universe who sees him as more than a warlord, more than the embodiment of death itself, so for you he has a soft spot. He hates the idea of having a human curl up next to him, absorbing his warmth and disease alike… and yet you do. You remind him that his touch is not deadly, and he too is capable of humanity. He will be more considerate of his decisions, because for once, something matters. His love language is physical touch, because he’s been deprived for so long, you’re the only one who allows him that piece of humanity.

Lorgar : 5/10

Does he love you? Does he not? No… He needs you… Maybe he just needs space actually.He loves you, he really does, and by god he tries his best, but when you’re as impulsive and indecisive as he is, it’s hard to know sometimes. If you’re okay with it working 50% of the time, maybe more maybe less, I’m sure you’ll be fine. His love language is… uh… well?

Jaghatai Khan : 7/10

Loyal, decently humble, and a relatively peaceful man. Outside of war, he has potential to be great to you. When war is his focus, however. Expect no attention, he’s a fierce warrior and needs to focus on his allegiance to the emperor, that’s what comes first. You follow very closely after, though! He’s quick to praise you for the things you do well and gently remind you of a better course of action when it comes to the things you don’t do too well. Acts of service enjoyer.

Konrad Curze : 2/10

DO NOT DATE THIS MAN. Konrad is a walking red flag. The self loathing, the anger, the angst, the general belief in humanity as a fallacy. He’s also incredibly violent, and may cause you serious harm if you ever managed to anger him. He’s a primarch, and you’re a human. Don’t you dare piss him off. I don’t know why anyone would realistically want that. Please continue to paint him as mean angry babygirl with a soft spot in your fics though. If you think you can fix him, you can’t. The emperor already tried.

Angron : 4/10

Before his conversion to chaos, Angron would’ve been a great boyfriend if we’re being honest. He was kind, compassionate, encouraging. He loved you when you were enslaved beside him, but once he became a primarch and lost everything, his beloved included, he became one of the most ruthless and cruel people out there until he succumbed to Khorne. He doesn’t remember you. His love language was words of affirmation.

Corvus Corax : 4/10

A very melancholic and depressed primarch. He’s very angsty and honestly a major drag to be around. He and Konrad, i feel like, would be better boyfriends to each other than either of them would be to you. Corvus isn’t as violent as Konrad, but he definitely carries on the hatred, the sorrow, and the bitterness. He’s also very sensitive, so expect to be met with either violence or a breakdown if you try to leave. 2 extra points because you may get to keep your life, his love language is words of affirmation, always followed by self deprecation.

Alpharius Omegon : 7/10

He’s they’re a great boyfriend to be honest, though very secretive, and that raises many questions. You don’t know that there are two of them. It’s a secret, not even one that you’re allowed to know the answer to. Alpharius is obviously the more dominant brother, the one who you think has a soft side. He doesn’t. That’s not him, that’s Omegon. Omegon is much more gentle, quiet, and quite honestly a little more touchy. Why? because you make him feel seen. Alpharius is used to the spotlight, so giving him every ounce of your attention feels like the usual, though he still enjoys it very much. Alpharius expresses love through acts of service and gift giving, while Omegon expresses love through words of affirmation and quality time. They make up for everything the other lacks, as long as you don’t know the massive secret they’re keeping from you…

[rafesapologist]

the boy is mine ─ rafe cameron; chapter one

summary: you were an erudite kook with her life ahead of her, very highly sought after by almost every man from figure 8 all the way to the cut. but you only wanted rafe cameron, and just in the typical nature of getting everything you wanted, you were going to have him.

warnings: none in this chapter

author's note: as always if you'd like to be on the taglist for this series at anytime, please let me know! also, there will be some made up characters in this story for plot purposes.

"There's no way I would go to Midsummers with that freak," your derisive laughter erupted through the library before you halted to take a sip of your tepid iced coffee as its coldness faded, "I'd show up alone before I embarrassed myself like that."

"C'mon, he isn't that bad, y/n. I think he's actually pretty cute if you ask me," your friend, Sadie, nudged you teasingly, wiggling her eyebrows comically.

"You're forgetting the part where he's a Pogue, Sadie. I do have some self respect, you know."

Sadie rolled her eyes, her smile still teasing but with a hint of exasperation. "Sometimes you care too much about what other people think, you know that?"

You sighed, swirling the last bits of melted ice in your cup. "It's not just about what people think. It's about standards, Sadie. I've worked too hard to get where I am to throw it all away over some fling with a guy from the Cut."

Sadie leaned back in her chair, arms crossed. "Maybe it's not about throwing anything away. Maybe it's about seeing people for who they are, not where they come from."

You opened your mouth to retort, but the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. The library's chatter died down as students gathered their things, heading off to their next classes. You and Sadie stood up, collecting your bags and discarded coffee cups. As you walked out into the bustling hallway, you couldn't shake the thought of him—the Pogue in question. John B Routledge. There was something about him that got under your skin, and not just in an annoying way. He was different, and that intrigued you, even if you'd never admit it out loud.

"Are you going to the bonfire tonight?" Sadie asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You shrugged. "Maybe. Depends if I finish my essay for English. You?"

"Of course I am, you should come! Live a little, y/n," Sadie insisted, her enthusiasm infectious.

You rolled your eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. "We'll see," you said noncommittally, but you both knew that Sadie had a way of persuading you into things you normally wouldn't consider.

As you parted ways, heading to your respective classes, you couldn't help but glance over your shoulder, half-expecting to see him there, with that easy grin and messy hair. You shook your head, pushing the thought away.

After school, you found yourself back in the quiet sanctuary of your room, trying to focus on your English essay. The sun was setting outside, casting a warm golden glow through your window. You sighed, tapping your pen against your notebook. The words on the page blurred as your mind wandered back to the day's conversation.

"Live a little."

Sadie's words echoed in your mind, but you couldn't shake the nagging doubt. You had always prided yourself on maintaining high standards—standards that didn't include dating someone like John B. He was charming, sure, but he was also a Pogue, and the class divide in your town wasn't something you took lightly. It wasn't just about status; it was about everything you had worked for, everything you stood for.

You leaned back in your chair, staring at the ceiling. Your parents had always taught you the importance of striving for more, of associating with people who could elevate your standing. Dating a Pogue, especially one as infamous as John B, seemed like a step backward.

But then there was the memory of his smile, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, and the infectious laughter that seemed to make the world a little brighter. There was an undeniable attraction, a pull that you couldn't quite explain. You shook your head, reminding yourself why it was important to stick to your standards.

"I do have some self-respect, you know."

You muttered the words to yourself, trying to reaffirm your decision. But as the evening wore on, you couldn't help but feel a little trapped by your own expectations.

Just as you were about to dive back into your essay, your phone buzzed, pulling you out of your thoughts. It was a message from Sadie: "Bonfire starts at 8! You better be there!"

You stared at the text for a moment, biting your lip. Maybe, just maybe, Sadie was right. Maybe it was time to let go of some of those rigid standards and see where the night took you. You asked yourself, what was the harm in one night of fun?

With a sigh, you closed your laptop and headed to your closet, rifling through your clothes for something suitable to wear. As you pulled out a casual baby blue sundress, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. "Live a little," you muttered to your reflection, echoing Sadie's words.

By the time you arrived at the bonfire, the beach was already alive with music, laughter, and the warm glow of the flames. The salty breeze played with your hair as you made your way across the sand, the sounds of waves crashing mingling with the chatter of your peers. You spotted Sadie almost immediately, her bright smile and waving hand a beacon in the crowd.

"Y/n! You made it!" she cheered, pulling you into a hug that smelled of sunscreen and coconut.

"Yeah, yeah," you laughed. "I'm here. Now what?"

"Now we have fun," Sadie declared, handing you a drink that sparkled under the string lights hung haphazardly between the palm trees. She led you toward the fire where the heat radiated warmly against the cool night air.

You found yourself standing at the fire, gazing at its burning flames as you felt the stares of everyone around you, right on you. The heat from the fire radiated against your skin, a stark contrast to the cool night air. You took sips of your drink hazardously, knowing that at the end of the day, you still had to keep yourself composed in front of everyone.

The laughter and chatter around you seemed distant, almost like a background hum to your own thoughts. You could feel the weight of expectations pressing down on you, a constant reminder of the standards you had set for yourself. You had always been the one who held it all together, the one who never faltered.

As you took another sip, the drink's coldness a fleeting relief, you glanced around the bonfire. Your peers were engrossed in their conversations, but every so often, you caught a pair of eyes flicking in your direction, a whisper exchanged. It was as if they were all waiting to see what you would do next, how you would handle stepping out of your carefully curated box.

Suddenly, snapping you out of your gaze was the sound of a familiar voice approaching with a kind "hello." You snapped your head in the direction of the voice, before realizing it was none other than Sarah Cameron. You met her early in the school year when she joined Honors Society with you and Sadie. The three of you clicked pretty quickly, but you never saw her much outside of school.

Sarah grinned, her eyes sparkling in the firelight. "I could say the same about you. I didn't think I'd ever see the y/n at a party like this."

You laughed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement. "Yeah, it's not exactly my usual scene."

Sarah's smile widened. "Well, I think it's great. Sometimes it's good to shake things up a bit. How are you liking it so far?"

You glanced around, feeling the cool breeze and the warm sand under your feet. The sound of distant laughter and music playing flooded your ears, giving you a rush of adrenaline as the alcohol you had been drinking took its effect. "It's surprisingly kind of fun," you admitted, "I don't mind it so far."

As Sarah began to respond to you, she was suddenly cut off as she was spun into the air by a figure behind her. Your eyes widened as you watched the boy kiss her before gently setting her back down onto the sand.

A look of amusement draped across your face as you smirked at her, your eyes flickering between the two of them. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Sarah!" Sadie joked, teasing her lightheartedly. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Sadie."

Topper grinned, extending a hand to Sadie. "Nice to meet you too, Sadie."

"I'm y/n," you spoke up after Sadie finished. Topper's eyes snapped over to you as he greeted you back with a genuine smile.

"It's nice to meet you guys. I never get to meet many of Sarah's friends; sometimes I wonder if they think I'm not real or something." He chuckled, taking a swig of his Michelob Ultra.

"Well, now we know you're not just a myth," you said with a grin. "It's nice to finally meet you, Topper."

Sarah giggled in response to your joke, which also earned a head shake from Topper. "I like to leave people guessing," Sarah shrugged, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

Topper laughed, wrapping an arm around Sarah's shoulders and pulling her close. "Keeps things interesting, right?"

You smiled at their playful banter, feeling the warmth of their affection for each other. "Definitely keeps things interesting."

Sadie leaned in, her curiosity piqued. "So, how did you two meet?"

"She's actually my best friend's sister, so we sort of just met because of him," Topper admitted with a grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "I didn't know you had a brother, Sarah?" you inquired, your curiosity piqued as you took another sip of your drink, the cold liquid sending a pleasant shiver down your spine.

Sarah sighed, her gaze flickering over to Topper with a mixture of annoyance and affection. "Unfortunately, I do. He's my older brother, Rafe."

You tilted your head, observing Sarah's words carefully. There was a hint of something in her tone—disdain, maybe even a touch of resentment—but you didn't want to probe further. Whatever the dynamic between Sarah and Rafe, it seemed like a topic best left untouched for now. You nodded in response, deciding to steer the conversation in a lighter direction.

"Is he hot?" Sadie spoke up, her curiosity piqued as she glanced between you and Sarah.

Sarah's eyes widened, caught off guard by the sudden question. She shot Sadie a look of mock indignation before bursting into laughter. "Seriously, Sadie? That's your first question?"

Sadie shrugged, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Hey, I'm just trying to get the full picture here."

Sarah rolled her eyes, but there was a fondness in her expression that belied her exasperation. "He's very cocky if that answers your question," she said, her tone tinged with amusement.

Sadie grinned, clearly enjoying the playful banter. "Well, I can work with cocky. Confidence is sexy, after all."

You laughed, shaking your head at Sadie's unabashed flirtation. "You're incorrigible, Sadie."

She shrugged, flashing you a playful wink. "Just keeping things interesting."

"Wait," Sadie paused, her hand reaching out to gently halt you and Sarah, her eyes alight with curiosity. You and Sarah turned to face her, the flames of the bonfire casting dancing shadows on the sand around you.

"Does that mean he's here, too? You know, since his best friend is here and all," Sadie asked, her gaze flickering towards Topper, who was lounging nearby, a relaxed grin playing on his lips as he watched the conversation unfold.

"Yeah, he's here, somewhere," Topper replied with a casual shrug, taking another sip of his drink, the condensation leaving tiny droplets on the bottle's surface.

The mention of Rafe's presence sent a ripple of tension through the group, a silent acknowledgment of the complicated dynamics at play. You exchanged a meaningful glance with Sarah, a mixture of curiosity and apprehension flickering in your eyes, the crackling of the fire providing a soothing backdrop to the unfolding drama.

"There's no way you're trying to make a move on my brother right now," Sarah joked, a playful scoff escaping her lips as she glanced at Sadie, her eyes dancing with amusement.

Sadie shrugged, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she took a gulp of her drink, the ice clinking softly against the glass. "Well, you've intrigued me, so now I wanna see what he looks like."

"I mean, I can go find him if you want," Topper suggested, joining in on the banter with a playful grin.

"Top, no I—" Sarah began, but Sadie cut her off, her excitement palpable as she interjected, "Please!"

Topper chuckled at Sadie's enthusiasm, pushing himself up from his lounging position with a dramatic sigh. "Alright, alright. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

As Topper wandered off into the crowd in search of Rafe, you couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation building in the air. What would Rafe be like in person, away from how Sarah spoke of him? It was a question that lingered on the edge of your mind, waiting to be answered.

As you waited for Topper to return, the crackling of the bonfire seemed to grow louder, the flames casting flickering shadows on the sand. The night was alive with possibility, and you couldn't help but wonder what other surprises it had in store.

"I can't believe this is happening," Sarah groaned, her voice tinged with resignation as she rubbed her temples, a sense of dread creeping over her at the situation that was waiting to unfold.

"Oh, come on, Sarah, we were gonna meet him sooner or later!" Sadie nudged at her, a playful glint in her eyes as she teased her friend.

"I was hoping to keep him as far away from my friends as possible, actually," Sarah admitted with a rueful smile, her shoulders slumping in defeat as she resigned herself to the inevitable encounter.

Surprisingly, as the anticipation grew, you couldn't help but feel nervous yourself. Excitement fluttered in your stomach like a flurry of butterflies as you waited to see the mystery that was Rafe Cameron, Sarah's brother. You wondered if he was the typical older brother type—overly cocky and thinking he was better than his siblings, maybe even a little overbearing. You weren't entirely sure what to expect or even what he might look like, and all you could do was wait.

The crackling of the bonfire seemed to grow louder, the flames casting dancing shadows on the sand as the night stretched on. Each passing moment felt like an eternity, the anticipation building with every heartbeat.

Finally, you spotted Topper making his way back through the crowd, a familiar figure trailing behind him. Your heart skipped a beat as Rafe came into view, his confident stride and piercing blue eyes immediately capturing your attention. He was taller than you had imagined, his presence commanding and magnetic as he approached.

Before you could dwell on it any longer, Rafe was standing before you, a cocky grin playing on his lips as he looked you over. "I heard there was a party going on over here," he said, his voice low and smooth, sending a shiver down your spine.

You felt a rush of adrenaline as Rafe's gaze locked onto yours, his presence filling the space between you with an undeniable intensity. Despite the nervous flutter in your stomach, you couldn't help but be captivated by his confidence and charm.

"There's definitely a party," Sadie chimed in, a mischievous smirk plastered on her face as she stepped forward, extending her hand towards Rafe. "I'm Sadie, by the way."

Rafe's gaze shifted to Sadie, his cocky grin widening as he took her hand, giving it a firm shake. "Rafe," he replied smoothly, his voice dripping with charm. "Nice to meet you, Sadie."

You could tell Sadie was entirely encapsulated by him as she stared up at Rafe like he was a Renaissance painting of some sort. Her eyes sparkled with admiration, and you couldn't help but chuckle to yourself at her unabashed gawking, which you assumed didn't go unnoticed by Rafe.

As you stood in the circle with the group, quietly observing the interaction, you took a small sip of your drink, trying to mask your amusement. Much to your dismay, Rafe's eyes ventured away from Sadie and landed on you, making you the center of attention in the moment.

"And you are?" Rafe's voice was smooth and confident as he directed his attention towards you, his piercing gaze locking onto yours.

You silently gulped at his question, feeling a rush of nerves coursing through you as you took in a deep breath before responding, "I'm y/n. One of Sarah's friends."

As you spoke, you tried to maintain a calm and composed demeanor, but you couldn't shake the feeling of being under Rafe's intense scrutiny. It was as if he could see right through you, peeling back the layers to uncover the truth beneath. Despite your best efforts to remain unaffected, you couldn't deny the magnetic pull of his presence, drawing you in with every passing moment.

He nodded, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes as he subtly looked you up and down, a gesture that didn't escape your notice. Heat rushed to your cheeks, leaving you feeling flustered, though you couldn't tell if it was the liquor or the way Rafe was eyeing you that caused it.

"I haven't met any of Sarah's friends, seeing how she's always stuck up Topper's ass," he joked dryly before taking a swig of his beer, his smirk lingering on his lips.

Sarah scoffed and rolled her eyes at him, clearly not amused by his comment. "I don't introduce you to them because you'd probably try to sleep with them," she retorted, her tone laced with sarcasm and exasperation.

You couldn't help but chuckle nervously at the siblings' bickering, feeling a mix of amusement and discomfort as you found yourself caught in the middle of their dynamic. The tension between them was palpable, but the only thing you felt you could do to ease your own nerves was to continue taking sips of your drink and observe the conversation unfolding.

Luckily for you, Sadie spoke up again, her voice breaking through the awkward tension like a ray of sunshine. "How old are you, Rafe?" she asked, her curiosity evident in her tone.

"I'm 19," Rafe replied, turning his attention back to Sadie with a casual shrug.

"So you're in college?" Sadie pressed on, her curiosity piqued.

Rafe shrugged nonchalantly, a hint of indifference in his demeanor. "Eh, not yet. Didn't feel like going from 12 years of school straight to more school," he explained, his tone casual as he took another sip of his beer.

"Yeah, I get it, I wouldn't want to either," Sadie replied, her tone casual as she shrugged, but you couldn't help but give her a puzzled look. Sadie was an honors student, just like you. Her entire life seemed dedicated to keeping good grades and maintaining perfect attendance at school, and all she ever talked about was wanting to get into Yale. You could see right through her act, realizing she was only dumbing herself down to appear more interesting to Rafe, which made you cringe.

"Oh, so you're taking a gap year?" Rafe asked, his tone curious as he looked at Sadie.

You chuckled in response, shaking your head as you looked down at your drink, feeling a mix of amusement and discomfort at the situation. "Yeah, I'm sure Yale will accept that," you mumbled under your breath, unable to hide your skepticism.

Rafe's eyes shot over at you, confusion evident on his face at your remark. "Well… I don't know what I'm doing yet, okay?" Sadie replied defensively, shooting you a glare with wide eyes, silently pleading with you not to embarrass her in front of Rafe.

"I take it that you're one of those honors students," Rafe implied, his gaze shifting between you and Sadie as he sipped his beer, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes.

Sadie laughed nervously, swaying slightly as she tried to keep her composure. "Yeah, but it's not a big deal. It's not like I make it my whole personality," she replied, her words slightly slurred from the alcohol.

"Sadie, all you talk about is wanting to get into Yale," you interjected, unable to hold back your frustration any longer, feeling annoyed at her facade and wanting nothing more than to call her bluff.

Sadie's eyes widened in alarm as she shot you a pleading look, silently urging you to drop the subject. But it was too late—the truth was out in the open, hanging in the air like a heavy cloud.

Rafe raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting between you and Sadie with renewed interest. "Yale, huh? That's ambitious," he remarked, his tone neutral as he took another sip of his beer.

Sadie laughed nervously again, her movements slightly jerky as she rubbed her arms uncomfortably, nodding at Rafe. "Yeah, it's just something my parents have always wanted for me, I guess," she admitted, her gaze falling to the floor as she shifted uneasily under Rafe's neutral demeanor.

Rafe's gaze lingered on Sadie for a moment before turning to you, his expression unreadable. "What about you? What do you plan on doing?" he asked, his tone casual but his eyes searching. You blinked in surprise, caught off guard by the sudden question. Glancing around to make sure he was actually speaking to you, you felt a wave of shock wash over you.

"Uh, well..." you stammered, feeling the weight of Rafe's gaze bearing down on you. "I'm going to Princeton in the fall." As the words left your lips, you couldn't help but feel a surge of pride at the realization that you had finally vocalized your plans for the future. It was a decision that had taken months of careful consideration and countless hours of deliberation, but now that it was out in the open, you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over you.

Rafe's eyebrows shot up in surprise, a flicker of intrigue dancing in his eyes as he regarded you with renewed interest. "Princeton, huh?" he remarked, his tone neutral but his expression curious.

You nodded, a nervous smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you met Rafe's gaze head-on. "Yeah, it's been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember," you admitted, feeling a rush of excitement at the prospect of finally pursuing your goals.

Rafe nodded slowly, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he turned his attention back to the group. "Well, congratulations," he said, his tone genuine as he raised his beer in a silent toast. "Here's to chasing your dreams."

You watched intently as Rafe raised his beer to toast you, a hint of curiosity flickering in your eyes as you observed his casual demeanor. There was something intriguing about him, a magnetic charm that drew you in despite your reservations. You couldn't help but wonder if he was putting on a show or if he was always like that—confident, carefree, and unapologetically himself.

As Rafe tilted his head back to chug the remnants of his beer, you found yourself studying him intently, trying to decipher the enigma that was Rafe Cameron. His easygoing mannerisms and effortless charm seemed to mask a complexity that you couldn't quite put your finger on, leaving you feeling both intrigued and apprehensive in equal measure.

Once he was done chugging his beer, Rafe nonchalantly tossed the empty bottle across the sand into a nearby trash can before sparking up a conversation with Topper. You couldn't help but admire his ease and confidence, wondering if you would ever be able to exude that same level of self-assurance.

Beside you, you could feel Sadie's embarrassment radiating off her in waves, and you couldn't help but feel partially guilty and at fault for it. But deep down, you knew that you couldn't stand when people dumbed themselves down for attention, even if it meant putting your friendship on the line. Sure, Sadie was your best friend, but that gave you all the more reason to keep her in check and hold her accountable for her actions.

As you stood there with your drink in hand, you found yourself once again trying to figure Rafe out. His presence seemed to fill the space around him, drawing you in like a moth to a flame. You couldn't help but admire the way the firelight danced across his tanned skin, accentuating the sharp angles of his jawline and the intensity of his sparkling blue eyes. It was as if he had a magnetic pull, leaving you feeling captivated and entranced in his presence.

The sound of his low-pitched voice sent shivers down your spine, each word resonating deep within you as though you could listen to him talk for hours on end. There was an air of mystery surrounding him, a sense of danger that only served to heighten your fascination with him. He was somewhat intimidating, but that only made him all the more attractive to you.

Despite the unease you felt at being drawn to someone like Rafe, you couldn't deny the butterflies that fluttered in the pit of your stomach whenever he was near. There was something about him that ignited a fire within you, a desire to know more, to experience more of him in any way you could.

Just as you began to mull over your thoughts, an idea sparked in your mind like a sudden burst of fireworks, causing you to perk up with newfound enthusiasm. "Hey, Sarah, why don't we make plans soon? We never get to see each other outside of school," you suggested, a glimmer of excitement twinkling in your eyes.

Sarah's face lit up at your proposal, her expression mirroring your own excitement. "Yeah, sure! That sounds like a great idea," she exclaimed, her voice filled with genuine enthusiasm. "Why don't you come over tomorrow, and we can go swim at my place?"

Your heart raced with anticipation as you considered her offer. It was the perfect opportunity to spend quality time together and perhaps even devise a plan to encounter Rafe again. "That sounds amazing!" you replied eagerly, a devious smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

Sarah beamed in response, her excitement palpable as she nodded enthusiastically. "Great! How about around 5? That should give us plenty of time to have some fun," she suggested, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

You nodded eagerly, unable to contain your excitement at the prospect of what tomorrow might bring. "Sounds perfect. I'll be there," you exclaimed, already counting down the minutes until your rendezvous with Sarah.

As the conversation around you continued its lively cadence, you found your gaze drawn back to Rafe like a moth to a flame, his presence casting a magnetic allure that was impossible to ignore. Amidst the laughter and chatter, your mind wandered to the possibilities that lay ahead now that you were growing closer to Sarah. Each glance in Rafe's direction ignited a spark of anticipation within you, like the gentle flutter of a butterfly's wings in the pit of your stomach.

Lost in reverie, you allowed yourself to drift into a realm of daydreams, where the boundaries of reality blurred and the realm of possibility expanded infinitely. In this ethereal landscape, you envisioned a tapestry of adventures unfolding before you, each more enchanting than the last. The mere thought of what could transpire filled you with a sense of exhilaration, like the rush of wind through autumn leaves or the soft whisper of waves lapping against the shore.

── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

taglist: @yawnzshit

[cinnamonest]

I've been thinking more about promiscuous darlings which led me to the idea of prostitute!darling, and I was thinking about that like in that event a while back where Paimon says Kaveh seems like “the kind of guy that would be easy to take advantage of” and it got me thinking how quickly and readily he would fall in love with a prostitute… literally lured and baited as easily as a fish to a hook.

He doesn't like the thought of what he's doing, initially. He's never been the sort of person who associates with morally questionable things — he’s heard that a lot of those girls don't really want to be doing it, they just need money, so participating would be taking advantage of them, wouldn't it? He couldn't do something so awful.

But he's got a lot of pent up frustration. His work is hard, he's not in a good place financially, he's stressed, pent up, and has no outlet for release. And even if he strives to be a good person, he's still a guy, still has urges that, when gone unmet, only contribute to that frustration.

In hindsight, he feels like something possessed him. Couldn't say exactly what caused him to take a course of action so far removed from what he would have thought was his personal character.

It's just a particularly bad day, after particularly disagreeable clients spent a particularly long time endlessly getting in his face and complaining and snapping at him, he worked particularly late and is particularly frustrated and seething and wallowing as he sulks home so late at night, and he's particularly irritated because some construction going on forces him to take a different route home, and—

You just so happen to call out to him. And when he turns his head, he immediately stiffens up.

So pretty. You have that specific body type he’s always found most alluring, always pictured in his head when he would lay in bed and jerk off all day after classes. And he can certainly tell, because those outfits you girls on this part of the street wear certainly leave very little to the imagination. So much skin, he can see your entire leg, from the hip down to the ankles and all the curving along the way, he can see most of your tits too, cleavage spilling out from the top. It's immediately captivating. If he was thinking straight, he would suppose that's kind of the point, but he's too lost in the sudden burst of stimulation to his eyes to think about much at all.

You have such a nice smile, such a sweet voice. And now that you have his attention, you put on that whimsical feminine charm, shift your weight from one foot to the other, hips swaying all playfully, and he has to ask you to repeat what you said because he didn't hear you the first time, he was too distracted, and it feels so embarrassing to say that, but you just giggle — it's so cute — and repeat your question — if he wants to come inside.

He swallows, stumbles over his words at the prospect, you're being very forward — oh, wait, you probably mean come inside the building. Oh… that makes more sense, at this stage in the process. Whoops…

But that isn't much better. He's still red in the face and hesitates, all uh, ah, I, um, I just…

Yes, he isn't sure exactly what possesses him. It’s not something he would ever do on his own, surely. It feels more like the word comes out of his mouth on its own.

Sure.

The following events seem almost surreal, in hindsight. He can't remember what you even talked about, some empty meaningless conversation about what he does for a living or if he's been around this area before, some placeholder of a conversation that he knows full well is merely a courtesy to make it all feel a little more natural, empty words that are mutually understood to be just a buffer to prevent awkwardness as you walk up the stairs, to fill the short span of time before you get to the point.

He remembers said point a lot better. Long after it's over, he can remember the feeling of your mouth on his, and the way you pulled on the back of his neck to pull him on top of you, the rush of euphoric chemicals to the brain the moment you pulled just one little button undone and the whole thing you're wearing comes falling off, the visual of your body (he’s never actually seen a girl naked in real life before, it’s so captivating, the anatomy textbooks don’t do it justice), and the way your tits bounce with the movements and the way they feel in his mouth and the image of his cock driving into you over and over (no one ever told him it feels so warm and wet, so good, has he really been missing out on this all this time?) and the sounds you made are practically permanently burned into his brain.

So much so, he keeps thinking about it for days on end. He felt kind of sad when he left, but he knows that he only paid for a limited time slot, so it would be unfair to ask to stay any longer, but the way you smiled and waved and told him you hoped to see him again — still naked, body pressed up against the doorframe, the way your chest shifted when you waved — made him feel so warm, made his heart beat fast all over again.

It's all so distracting. He works at a much slower pace than usual, the following days, keeps getting distracted by the lingering visuals in his head and the way he keeps getting hard whenever he thinks about it, and not to mention the guilt.

Yes, as euphoric as it was, he feels terrible. Like he's done something wrong. Swears to himself that he'll forget about it and never do it again, that it was a one-time thing.

But he begins to rationalize it to himself.

Sure, you do it because you need money, but that means that if no one participated in the exchange, then you wouldn't make any money at all, and that would be worse, right? Besides, everyone knows some of those guys that engage in this sort of thing are terrible, mean people — but he's not, he's a really nice guy! So by seeing you, by being the one to buy your time, he's protecting you from potentially having to do it with really bad men. So, when you think about it, he's actually doing something really good.

And it improves his life, too. The next day, he finds that the nagging clients don't really get under his skin at all. Sure, they're complaining and being mean to him, but he's not really paying attention, it all feels far away, like it's not even real. He just feels full of this warm, fuzzy feeling, total bliss, like floating, without a care in the world. He isn't stressed, isn't worried. He even thinks to himself that, you know what, that task or that work can wait until tomorrow, no rush, and if someone gets mad about it, too bad.

He ends up just laying in bed, grinning like an idiot, basking in the euphoric high that lasts him several days on end.

…Except then, it fades away.

Soon he's back to the stress, constant state of being overwhelmed, the little things start to upset him again, and he actually feels more miserable than he did before, now that he has such a good feeling to compare to.

You said you hope he comes back, didn’t you? And he’s pretty sure he stuttered out an o-oh, okay, so now he’s obligated.

Thus, soon enough, he's back.

It's not like he's intentionally seeking you out. He just felt like walking home a different way today, is all, which just so happens to be the route that took him by you last time, and he has no intention of seeing you, it just so happens to be the case that you are standing around outside and you do happen to see him and you choose to call out to him (by his name!! You remember him!!), you're smiling and have such a sweet voice, you clearly want him to come in (do you like him? You wouldn't be smiling if you didn't, right?) and it would be mean of him to reject you, wouldn't it?

Yes, you're clearly happy. You smile all over again. He's not doing anything wrong, it's only wrong if the girl doesn't like doing it. He would never taken advantage of one of those vulnerable girls that's forcing herself to do it for money. But you're not like that, so it's okay.

Which is how he ends up back there a third time. Because it's okay, and it makes you happy, and it makes him very happy, so it's all okay.

And besides, what you two have is different. It's not like the normal cases, where the girl is just in it for money and doesn't want the guy at all. You clearly enjoyed your time with him. Probably a welcome relief from all the gross old guys you have to see.

And it's different because it's not just sex. Normally, with this sort of thing, it's cold and impersonal, isn't it?

But you smile so sweet and run your fingers through his hair, and cradle his head in your arms and pull him close and coo and fuss and run your fingers down his back. And since he intends to pay for the entire night this time, you get to just lay there together, and you're so warm and soft and you smile and giggle as he talks, so pretty, so nice to him, your skin is so good to touch, you smell so nice.

And the sex itself is different too — you like it, genuinely, he can tell, you make such nice sounds and lewd faces and look directly into his eyes and pull his head forward to kiss him (he one heard someone say that prostitutes never kiss clients, so if you do that it must mean he's different), and you hold him so close and tighten up around him and it feels so so so so good, and the way you quiver and the sounds get louder and you squeal and spasm and it's so so SO good, too good, it feels so passionate that it has to be real.

Yes, it is real. It's not just acting. He can feel the slick wetness all over his hips from you, that means it's real. And you don't even mind when he gets a bit lost in the feeling, starts to really let all the pent-up irritation out, gets rougher and harder and holds you by your throat. He feels so terrible after he cums and realizes what he was doing, keeps sputtering out apologies over and over, but you smile and wave your hand and say it's more than fine, giggle and kiss his forehead, say you wouldn't expect it from such a sweet boy like him, but you like it. If you're fine with it, if you like it, then you're not scared he might actually hurt you. You must really trust him, then.

The downside is that now, work feels so miserable. He keeps thinking about how much he wants to go back to you. Each project feels like torture — why is he here, negotiating with these disagreeable people, slaving away all night, when he could be balls deep in you again, hear your voice, feel your touch?

And he starts to get so irritated and frustrated again, and he finds that this time around, he doesn't have to sit there and let the frustration hit a peak before deciding to do something, he doesn't have to rationalize it for hours on end just to allow himself to give into the urge — the moment the frustration rises, his mind immediately settled on the decision. He has to go see you. You'll make everything better.

Except now, he realizes as he reaches into his drawers, there's a different problem.

…He has no money left.

That means he can't see you. He spent all his savings on you last time.

It makes him feel sick. This can't be happening. What is he supposed to do? He can't just go back to dealing with the frustration all the time! Now that he knows what it's like to be so happy, he can't go without it. He needs it.

It's not just the sex itself, he's not some kind of degenerate, he wants to see you! That's wholesome and good, isn't it? So it’s not like he’s some sort of pervert addicted to sex itself, he’s addicted to you.

And besides, if he isn't there for you, you'll have to deal with other men, and most guys who see prostitutes are bad guys, right? What if one of them hurts you? What if you're expecting him to come, and then you'll feel hurt and sad if he doesn't? You'll be disappointed. He can't let that happen.

So where is he supposed to get money from…?

Well. He has a few means, as he starts to brainstorm a bit. Right, there is a small stash of emergency money he had put away at the bottom of another drawer, that he was saving for a situation where he needed it, but put it away so he wouldn't be tempted to spend it on something unnecessary.

But this isn't like that. It is necessary, for him to continue functioning properly. And for you to have the money to get by! Not only is he guaranteeing your safety for the night, but what if you didn't get anyone if he didn't come? Well, it's unlikely no one would come, but still, you might not make enough money, and what happens then? Don't those guys that own the brothels get really mean to the girls that don't make enough? He can't have that happen. So, this situation absolutely justifies the use of the emergency stash. It's enough to give him another three nights or so. He can just use enough money for one visit, and then by the time he needs another one, he'll have brought in some new money.

No, no, you know what? You need it more than he does. He just gives it all to you at once, and to be honest, it does make his heart skip a beat when your eyes widen in shock. This way, he can reserve the next three nights in a row, right? He originally intended to space them out a bit, but, no, he’s already here, and he’s really needy right now, he’ll just do three nights in a row and figure out how to get more later. He'll just pay upfront. You're so happy. It makes him feel good.

And then, as the night goes on, when you're laying there all curled up together talking about all sorts of things, he off-handedly mentions that you wear that dress of yours all the time, he's never seen you without it, is it your favorite?

And then you get this sheepish look on your face, give an awkward laugh, say that well, you don't really have any other clothes, you sold them all to get by before you ended up here, and you give so much back to the owners that you just don't have enough to get any more…

That's so sad. Poor thing. You can't just not have enough clothes… well, he only has a few things he changes back and forth himself, but girls are really into clothes and stuff, aren't they? You deserve to have nice things, it's sad that you don't get to. He keeps it in mind, says he promises he'll get you something. You say he doesn’t have to. You’re so sweet and considerate. That just makes him want to help you even more.

So when his next project is complete and he gets the payout for it, sure, he only needs about half of it to pay you for one or two nights each week for the next month, and he could get you something cheap and still have a little left over for rent, but… you deserve nice stuff. And the nice stuff would make you so much happier, too, it would earn him favor from you… besides, he has another project he'll finish soon, he can just pay late rent using that.

So he can get the nice stuff. Besides, even shopping exclusively for higher-end stuff, it's still a bit cheaper to buy the super revealing clothes, since they use less fabric. Not that he's a pervert or anything, it's just that you need clothes like that for your job, don't you? It's part of how you lure guys in. The fact that you'll look really nice in it to him is just a side bonus, it's really for your sake.

…Which, actually, does make him feel a bit sick to his stomach. He's getting you clothes that you'll use to hook other guys who aren't him. But, no, he's a mature person, he can't… let himself get upset about something like that… it’s not your fault… he'll just choose to not think about it.

He can distract himself with how happy you are. Your eyes light up and you smile so big and you stand on your toes to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his face all over. You're happy. You're really, really happy, because of him, he made you happy, his heart is beating so fast, and when you put them on it shows off even more than he thought it would, you can almost see everything, it just barely covers the bare minimum and you seem to really like that, you pull him close and reach a leg up behind him and pull his hips forward and the rest of the night is a hazy blur of lust and euphoria, you're so happy, and he's happy too.

It feels so good. He's been missing out on this all these years. It's the best feeling of anything in the world. He's so, so happy.

He's so happy that people in his life start to comment on it. They ask if something good happened, they say they're glad he seems less stressed. He just shrugs it off, says he's just been feeling better recently, or makes something up about a different change in habits.

And sure, he has to tell Alhaitham that he won't have rent just this one time, it's just that something came up, although he won't specify what it is, but he makes it sound important — not dishonestly, because it is important, it's just that he knows that the first assumption one would make would he something a bit… more important, but if that assumption is made, that's not his fault.

Nonetheless, he's soon out of money again. Gets hit with the same wave of panic. He's got a routine now, a habit, he's dependent on you for his stress. He needs it. If he doesn't get what he needs, how is he supposed to go on? How is he supposed to function? He can't just use his hand anymore, it's not enough, it doesn't have the same effect. And he can't just beg you to sleep with him anyway, he knows you need money, he would never put you in that situation, it would be unfair to you, he's a better man than that. He has to pay you somehow.

He has some things he doesn't need. Tools he hasn't used in ages. Some stuff he hasn't worn or needed in a long time. He can sell a few things.

And, you know what, this client has been really mean to him anyway, so if he cuts a few corners to get paid a bit earlier, it's no big deal, the guy doesn't deserve his best work anyway. It’s a mentality he normally would never take, but… this is different. This is a unique situation that calls for such measures.

And he's taken out loans before from the bank, usually for projects, and he usually pays it back, so they undoubtedly assume it's just another case of that, so he'll take out a decently sized loan… of course, he may need more money for more upcoming projects, and then they won't give him a new loan until he pays back the old one, but… well, he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

And normally, he would never, ever, ever do something bad, he's a person who prides himself on his moral values, but it's not like he's doing something bad in this case, its just pure coincidence that he happens to find some guy’s wallet dropped on the ground. It just so happens to have a lot of money in it. And he returns the wallet itself into the nearest law enforcement, he gives the object itself and all the IDs and such back. He's sure the rightful owner would pay him for the good deed anyway. And when you think about it, the fact that this would happen to him just when he needed it, it's probably some kind of divine grace that this happened, and who is he to deny what the higher powers gift him with?

He can keep making it work. And he can keep buying out larger and larger blocks of your time, to ensure no one else gets to you — after that one time he arrived to find out you were already occupied for the time being, it practically made his blood boil, made him feel so sick he walked home and couldn't get the images out of his mind of you with someone else, he can't let that happen again, it would kill him inside.

Likewise, he has to get a bit more earnings, take on some more jobs, sacrifice some more sleep because you keep hinting at certain things you want, and if he doesn't buy them for you, who will? It's all stuff you need anyway — well, stuff you need for your job, all the fancy jewelry and perfumes and clothes and stuff. And he gets benefits, too — your love and favor, you take initiative more, you ride him and kiss him more and let him do all sorts of filthy things you don't let anyone else do (he knows because you told him so), you even let him stop wearing protection when he sleeps with you, and it's so much better, it's completely different, he can't go back to the old way, having to be deprived of that warm, wet heat would be utterly miserable. You even give him a night or two for free, because you like him so much, tell him it should be a secret just between you two, okay? Of course, you can't do it all for free, so he has to come back again soon, but you know, this way, he'll stay incentivized, which is good — because you want him to come back because you like him, not for money, no, never that.

You tell him he's your favorite. You say that he makes you happy. You say you would be heartbroken if he ever stopped coming. You say that you need him.

You say that you love him.

He feels like he's going to die of happiness right there on the spot.

You mention that if someone just paid off your price to the owner (said buying price is whatever the owner decides), plus the debt you accumulate from staying here (it's well known that those fees are how they trap these poor girls into endless servitude), then you would be free — that if someone just pays for you, you could be free to do what you want, that you could sleep with him every day, you could even get married.

So he has to do it. He feels bad about the concept of buying a human being, but, his situation is different, because he's a good guy and loves you. Besides, the sooner he does, then the sooner you'll never have sex with anyone but him ever again. He's saving you, really.

And if he doesn't, what if someone else does? What if someone else took you away from him? He can't even imagine it. The very notion makes him feel nauseous, panicked, distraught. He can't let that happen.

It's not unfeasible. If he really budgets well, saves just a little at a time, he can get you out in no time. Just a year or so. He'll start saving.

And sure, he hasn't paid rent in a while now, and he gets these questions of where his money is going, why he's leaving late at night when he never did that before, all these pesky questions he shouldn't have to answer, because it's none of your business, as he mutters in response. He's just got too much going on right now, and strapped for cash, he'll pay it back eventually, that's what matters.

…Which also makes him realize that, even if he does buy you, you'll have to just come live here with him, and how is he supposed to explain that to Alhaitham… he can just say he got a girlfriend, right? Still, people might recognize you, he'd find out eventually, and then he'd probably realize all the missed rent payments were actually going to him getting laid, and that's… not good… he just wouldn't understand, he's totally lacking in any understanding of romanticism or love… such unfeeling pragmatists are so annoying to deal with… he'll just have to deal with that when it happens…

Except it does end up happening sooner than later. Someone or another (some jerk who can't keep their mouth shut, he'll find out eventually), must have seen him around at night, going to you, and that same person must have reported on him (like a grade school tattletale crying to a teacher, hmph!) and that's how he eventually gets confronted, point blank (absolutely no sense of tact or appropriateness!), one night as he’s trying to leave to go see you, but finds the other blocking the door.

Are you blowing your money on a whore?

Of course, before addressing the matter directly, it's important to point out that it is rude to call women terms like that, they are prostitutes and they deserve to be respected as much as anyone else—

So you are.

Which starts off a much bigger, longer, more heated argument, in which he tries to explain that no he’s not dodging the question and that it is not prostitution, you two are in a relationship, you just so happen to also be a prostitute, but he's trying to help you change that— hey, what's with the sighing like that and rubbing the bridge of his nose like he's exasperated? It's true! You even said you love him!

Okay, yes, maybe it's true that they all say that, but in this case, you mean it, you're different, he wouldn't get it.

And sure, the whole thing is probably surprising from him of all people— what do you mean it's not that surprising? What's that supposed to mean? What— who are you calling an “ideal target”?! That's so mean! You—

And despite his best efforts, there is no point in trying to use reason with someone so cold and devoid of capacity to understand love. It's futile. How pessimistic, so annoying. Besides, he's implying you're a bad person, and he can't stand for that. No, you're not using him, how could he say that?

Eventually it becomes very clear that the conversation is going nowhere, it's very much like talking to a brick wall, someone who just refuses to even try and understand what you two have. No matter. Fine, fine, he'll focus on paying back rent first, but then he's going to buy you, and then he'll see firsthand how loving you are (and surely will not charge him extra for another person living in the house, as he was just threatened with)… he'll see. Eventually.

[nonbinarypirat]

Okay okay, SO let’s talk about the latest chapter of Iruma kun because the lore is JUICY. Spoilers for chapter 358. This also leaves me with even more questions while answering some I had before. So I actually had a post planned where I was going to ask why Delkira received a special and sublime classroom to begin with. I wondered if maybe he was a previous demon king’s son and maybe that was why he was already revered. But NOPE it seems not likely. It’s still possible, I just got the vibe was that he was miraculous in his achievements and power. So it kind of answers that question but we still have no info on his family, the king’s classroom, or how he was able to achieve so much. On the other hand we got some VERY VERY interesting lore on Mephisto-pheles. It also explains why he gave this task to Iruma since he obviously sees the potential for him to surpass Delkira in the future. He wants Iruma to know what it takes to be in power, somewhat as an advisor role like he has been for previous kings. By assisting a king you can understand how to rule. And by building up a country, you can know what it takes to lead a country. I already guessed that since he was already interested in Iruma. But this just adds an extra layer to why he is as fascinated by him as he is. GOD NISHI IS SO GOOD AT WRITING LORE. I ASPIRE to write something with as much depth and intricacies as this manga. She is my inspiration truly 🙏🏽

Like, look at Mephisto’s face here compared to after he met Iruma. Different face but same vibe.

Now, going back to Delkira one, we get to see more of his personality and he’s so much like Iruma!!!!! No wonder everyone and their fucking mom keeps being like, “damn why tf do I see Delkira in him.” Neither strive for power for power’s sake, instead they strive for power because they see it as a step forward in their goal and desires. They both want to find their own path rather than it just being given to them. It really shocked me at first that Delkira turned Mephisto down but it actually makes so much sense why everyone is enamored by him. That is the most undemon like thing he could have done, he had the perfect opportunity to gain all the power in the world in a quick and easy way. Any other demon would have killed for that chance. They are so fucking alike and it makes me want to rage. I love it so much, I love that we are getting to see more of him as time goes on. Him and Iruma even have the same smile! Like come on.

He even has similar jesters to Iruma!!!! This flashback is making me rethink my theories about him and his connection to Iruma. Ughhhh, I’m so fucking happy about this. Also, this nothing to do with anything but look at Delkira’s cunty lil outfit. This sheer shirt? Rolled up uniform jacket he has popped open. These tight pants with a weird belt design? I would be Delkira’s number one supporter is all I’m saying. He’s babygirl just like Iruma. Maybe that’s the requirement to be the next powerful demon king, you have to serve mother fucking CUNT if you want to rule. Anyway, I think there was more I wanted to say but I got distracted with my rant lol. I just love this lore so much, I love how Nishi handles lore drops (especially with characters) and seeing more of Delkira because I am so fascinated with him and must know more.

[multifandomgirl08]

Me Against Him - M.V. #1

Max Verstappen x Younger Verstappen Sister!Reader (Platonic), Unnamed Male Character x Younger Verstappen Sister!Reader (Romantic)

Summary: You never wanted to be on the sidelines watching your brother compete, you wanted to be out there with him fighting for a championship.

Warning(s): Dual POVs (Reader and Max), Jos Verstappen (on page), Kelly Piquet (mention). I’m warning for Kelly as a precaution to those who aren’t a fan of her, she was in the request so I’m only writing about her because of that. She will be brought up in part 2.

A/N: Taken from this Request by @fordlita. I had to work with what I felt was important vs. fitting everything that was given to me in the request. That is why it has taken so long to work on this request. Most of this is just set up for part 2, which I've already started working on. I have no plans on extending this further than that.

Words: 1.8k

→ Next Part Formula 1 Masterlist

From the moment that you started karting, you knew that it would never be easy. Being one of the few girls striving to drive in Formula 1 and get a seat. It had always been tough especially since your brother was also working for a Formula 1 seat.

Racing and competing had always come easy to Max, even when you were both karting, your father Jos had always made Max the priority. He would finish working on Max's kart first, he would give Max the more expensive parts. You would put the same time and effort into competing and somehow it was never enough.

Once you had finally made it to F1 Academy and were racing with some of the other top women in the sport things seemed to feel like they were easier for you.

In the eyes of the media, Max was still the prodigal child of Jos Verstappen, and you were just Max's youngest sister, Victoria's twin, and Sophie Kumpen's karting legacy.

You loved your mother, she was the one who encouraged you to give karting a real try, not just because of your father or Max but because you really loved it and racing had made you happy.

Over the two years that you had been in F1 Academy, you had managed to win a championship and eventually, your agent had gotten a call from McLaren to be their reserve driver. You weren’t happy with being their reserve driver. You wanted to be driving for the team. And then you finally got your opportunity.

Six weeks later you had gotten another call from your agent telling you that McLaren wanted to sign you to be their second driver for the upcoming season.

It was everything that you had worked for all your life. You had called your mom and Victoria and shared the news with them. Victoria insisted that she should fly out to celebrate but instead, you offered to fly home to Holland and spend time with her given that she had your nephew Lio a few months ago.

When you had told Max, he had been excited for you and said he couldn’t wait to see you around the paddock all the time, and Max’s girlfriend Kelly even seemed happy for you.

Your father however didn’t have much to say when he heard from Raymond that you ended up signing with the team that you did. It was like you being the first woman to gain a seat in F1 meant nothing to him.

Over the next few years, Max won championship after championship. Your father was forever proud of Max and his achievements. With each championship win, it was like the media had also started to pay more attention to Max. It went from headlines like, “Brother and sister duo Max and Y/N Verstappen take P1 and P2 in Monza” to “Max Verstappen ahead of the rest of the field”. You had read that article. Every driver got at least a good paragraph about that race in Singapore, while you got a single sentence. Y/N Verstappen, younger sister of Max Verstappen started in qualifying P9 before dropping down to P15 during the race because of gearbox issues.

You never wanted to be on the sidelines watching your brother compete, you wanted to be out there with him fighting for a championship.

When the season started again you made a promise to yourself, you weren’t going to focus on Max or your father. Focus on what’s going on on the track, and don’t worry about the rest of the grid. You could still be friendly with Lando when you needed to but it would be easier if you avoided Max altogether. You needed people to see that you were much more than just Max Verstappen's baby sister.

So after the first race of the season, you stopped going to Max and congratulating him after races. Stopped visiting him, Kelly, and P when you weren’t with your fiancé. You didn’t talk to Victoria as often and barely called your mom when things felt like they were too much. You had barely made the effort to talk to your father after his second divorce went through and only spent time with your half-sister when you needed to.

It was just easier to shut them all out. The media couldn’t say anything if there was nothing to talk about.

"This is outrageous, my sister won't talk to me," Max yelled as he stood in his mother’s living room.

Victoria was sitting on the couch while his mother was sitting in the armchair, his father looked stoic. Aside from his father, they were all concerned about Y/N, she didn’t talk to anyone unless it was for birthdays or holidays.

Max was genuinely concerned for his little sister, they had always been close, even closer than Y/N and Victoria had been growing up because while Max and Jos were off in some part of Europe for a karting race Y/N would be with them, offering to help Max without Jos around or wanting Max’s advice on the way that something in her kart wasn’t working right. What she could do to make it better for her and the type of feedback to give their father as he was working on both of their karts.

He had been so proud of Y/N when she signed her contract with McLaren, even if it wasn’t Red Bull or Mercedes. Being able to share podiums with her meant so much since they ended up in different junior categories before they both got to F1. He always wanted her to succeed.

“It's fine Max, she’ll get over it.” His father said leaning back in his chair.

He just glared at him. His father didn’t care that Y/N wasn’t talking to him, he said that it was good for her. She was finally getting podiums and had ended up getting engaged in the last few months. Jos said that it was good, she would keep driving in F1 until she was married and then end up giving up the sport when she was ready to have kids.

Max knew that it was a lie that Y/N had told Jos to shut him up. Y/N wasn’t going to retire until she knew that she had a real chance at winning a WDC, she wanted to be the first woman to accomplish that feat.

At the next race, Max walked by the McLaren garage to try to talk to Y/N but he didn't see her so he ended up looking for Lando instead. He saw him talking with some guy in a suit.

"Yeah, she's a great teammate. A little intense at times, but Max can get like that too." He heard Lando say.

"Do you know why she doesn't talk to them anymore?" He heard the suit guy ask. "From how she brings it up, it's as if they did something. We've been together a long time and I've never even met her family."

"Honestly man, I don't know. That doesn't seem like how I know Max or any of Y/N's family. Maybe talk to Max." Max saw Lando point in his direction. "He is standing, just over there."

At first, Max didn’t recognize the guy in the suit. He was taller than you for sure, and he looked a little too comfortable around the paddock to just be a fan or celebrity. As he got closer Max started to recognize him, he was the man you were engaged to. Max did wonder how you ended up engaged to a real estate broker who was from the States. It seemed so strange to him.

Max walked closer to him, pointing himself towards Lando so the men would think that he wasn't paying him any mind. He didn't want to insult his sister's fiancé, just make the other guy aware that he didn't know who he was.

"Hey, Max, right?" He heard from the guy.

Max turned towards him, looking at the man in the suit. He was a little overdressed for a Formula 1 race.

"Yes, do I know you?" It was a fair thing to ask. Max didn't know him and this guy didn't know Max.

"No, but I know your sister." He offered before stretching his hand out to Max's to shake. "We're together."

That wasn't much of an explanation. He didn't even know if Y/N had told this guy that their family knew that she was getting married but none of them had met him before.

"So you're my baby sister's fiancé." He bit out not taking this guy's hand.

Max wasn't normally rude to anyone. When he was younger, Jos would have ripped him a new one for something like this.

Max could see that the guy was shocked hearing this from him.

"Yeah, I am." He answered.

Part of Max wanted to walk away from him, the part that was angry that his sister wouldn't talk to him and had stopped confiding in him over this last year.

"I just wanted to talk to you about her." He started to say. "She's been different and as her family, I would think that you would want to keep being in her life."

Max immediately wanted to stop this guy from finishing his sentence. This guy had no idea what his relationship with his younger sister was like, and he didn't need this guy to tell him.

Max was quick to look around the room, trying to see if there were reports or cameras around. He didn't need any of those people giving opinions about his family. Luckily all of them weren't in the garage.

"I want to keep being in her life, it's hard to when she's pushed me out of it," Max said cutting him off.

This guy's shoulders instantly dropped a little. He had no idea that it was Y/N who had pulled away from her family and left them in the dark for the last year. This guy was just as clueless as he was.

"I um... I had no idea." Max looked at him and could tell that he felt awkward.

"Yes, well she hasn't been talking to quite a few people lately." Max couldn't help but fire at him. He shouldn't be angry at this guy, but he can't help it. Y/N had been the one to pull away from all of them, and Max knew that the media was to blame for all of it.

He just wanted his baby sister back in his life.

"Maybe we can help each other," His sister's fiancé suggested. "You want your sister back in your life, and I would like to see my fiancée happy again."

Max wanted to think this over. He didn't just want to agree with the guy out of nowhere but he could try to hear him out.

"You have something in mind?" He asked. The man before him nodded.

They agreed to swap numbers and would find a time and place to talk.

F1 Taglist: @mindless-rock, @cixrosie, @taylorslovesswifties13, @konsti081, @thatsusbitch

[bunniesanddeer]

- [ ] SORRY THIS IS SO LONG! (This is a Alastor x fem! Cat! Reader)Okay so you know the scene where Alastor threatens Husk? The first part is the same thing it’s just that the reader saw the whole thing, unnoticed by neither Alastor or Husk. After it’s over, Alastor sees the reader(who totally has a crush on her), her looking right back at him with ears “pinned” to her head and a horrified look in her eyes. Since her and Husk are besties(slay💅🏻) furiously, she goes over to Husk to help him up. He assures her he’s fine and she walks away, absolutely furious with Al. He can’t help but feel a little guilty and remorseful, both feelings he’s not used to. Day after day of the reader ignoring him, he try’s to get her to forgive him but she’s a very stubborn feline. She isn’t easy to forgive after something like that. One day, after months, he finally gives up and hides in his room. He’s completely lost in thought and feels a bit upset and ashamed. He doesn’t notice the tears rolling down his cheeks. Meanwhile, the reader is at the bar, talking with Husk. As much as he despises Alastor, he tries to encourage the reader to talk to him. She finally complies and goes to his hotel room . She hears barely audible sobs through the door but knocks anyway. At last, she is met face to face with the demon himself, failing to hide his tear stained face. She can’t help but feel a little forgiveness for him. Long story short, he opens up to her, she forgives him and happily ever after❤️

Hi, sorry this took so long. A lot has happened to me in the last two weeks. I don't think I hit everything in this ask, but I hope it is still good?

Reminder

Pairing: Alastor x Cat!Reader

Tags/Warnings: Angst, that scene in Dad Beat Dad, sad Alastor angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 2,003

There was something to be said about how easy it could be to forget who he was. Maybe it was his charisma, the way he so easily drew you in to him. Maybe it was the way he smiled at you, how he could seem so soft with you, when he was so cold and sharp with others. There was so much about him that you admired, too, and it made it all so easy to forget. He always smiled, and although there was something to be said about toxic positivity, it made you happy, made it easier to smile back. You adored the way he held himself, always so confident. It was something you strived to emulate. But sometimes, he reminded you of who he was; The Radio Demon. Sometimes that little hind-brain of yours lit up at the sight of him, and all the things you knew about him would come flooding back.

Alastor was meant to be feared. He had earned his power in Hell, and to do that he had done awful, terrifying things. It seemed you needed a reminder, because you had grown far too comfortable with him. 

You followed quietly after Husk. He had taken off after Alastor and the Morningstar’s just after Mimzy had shown up. You didn’t know much about her, but with the way your friend had looked at her, you knew she wasn’t good news. Wishing to know more, you had followed after, hoping to join whatever conversation Husk and Alastor started up.

You did not find what you had expected. Husk and Alastor seemed to be arguing, which wasn’t unusual, but the way Al responded was strange. He looked annoyed. Husk yelled at Alastor, and Alastor responded with a laugh, and then Husk said something that shocked you down to your core.

“Big talk for someone who’s also on a leash,” Husk had whispered hoarsely. Someone owned Alastor’s soul? How? Who? What could have possibly happened to do such a thing?

Your tail swished roughly against the floor, and your ears perked forward to hear more of the conversation. Eavesdropping wasn’t a good thing, but you needed to know more. 

Alastor’s head swiveled around in a terrifying way. The hallway grew darker, and his form grew large. “Aha! What did you say?” Alastor asks rhetorically. 

A green chain wraps around Husk’s throat, and it makes your heart jump. Alastor was going to hurt him! Your body grows stiff, and you watch on in horror as Alastor grows to a gigantic height, filling the hallway. He stalks towards Husk, and he starts yelling. You can’t hear a word, though, over the pounding of your heart. Your ears pin flat against your head, and your tail tucks itself around one of your legs. 

The whole ordeal is done in just a moment, and Alastor is back to his normal size. Husk is shaking, quivering on the ground, and despite the risk, you can’t help but rush towards him.

“Husk!” Your soft hands wrap around his forearms, and you help him to his feet. “Are you okay?”

Your head swivels, and you keep your eyes locked on Alastor, who has stopped walking away. His brows are sharply downturned, and despite the smile still lingering on his face, he looks desperately confused. Your tail whips back and forth behind you, drawing his gaze. His brows furrow further, and he cocks his head. He calls your name, and you can only shake your head in response. 

Something sharp grows in your chest when you look back at Husk. He still looks terrified, something you’ve never seen. How could you forget yourself? How could you forget who Alastor is? The two of you were on separate planes entirely. Whatever were you thinking?

You take in a sharp breath, and continue checking over Husk. The other feline assures you he’s fine, but you know better. You sigh, and push him to head back downstairs. You ignore the prickling feeling of Alastor’s gaze on your back. You need to separate yourself from him. It was not worth the risk.

Alastor can’t begin to describe the way he had been feeling over the last several weeks. While the hotel had burst into action for Charlie’s trip, and everything that came of it, he had been dealing with something else entirely. The threat Heaven posed was nothing, not when your eyes held such disdain, such fear within their depths. It was all because of him, too. There was no one to blame but himself. 

Alastor hated the feelings that were swirling in his gut. He hated how weak they made him. He hated how much he wanted you by his side, again. There was something so wonderful and enticing about how little you cared about his station, and now it was gone. You were deeply aware of his power over others, and you had removed yourself from his side. 

He had to do those kinds of things, though! That is what bothered him most. He needed to put the souls he owned back in their place when they disobeyed, when they spoke against him. Husker was no different. He might have been one of Alastor’s favorites, but Husker only had so long of a leash to pull and tug, and he had cut it short, that day. Alastor couldn’t understand why you didn’t understand that.

His affection for you had long since weakened him. It was something that kept him awake when he rarely lied down to rest. It buzzed in his thoughts when he was meant to be focusing on anything else. And yet. There was something so intoxicating about being around you. You were warm, and your face sent flutters down his spine. He couldn’t fathom why you were different from all those before, but you were, and that was that. It was much too late to change it now, he would have to cope with all these changes in his afterlife. 

The way your ears pinned back, and your tail flicked back and forth whenever you saw him, hurt. He was used to Husker responding that way to his presence, but at least that cat-demon bothered to acknowledge him. You outright ignored him to the best of your ability. You barely looked at him, and you hadn't spoken to him in weeks. It had affected the dynamics within the hotel, something that Charlie had brought up to him.

Alastor could only respond, “I have no clue, my dear. I’m sure it will work itself out in time.” Alastor lied through his teeth, and tried not to let that angry pit in his belly from eating at him. It hurt, but he refused to admit anything out loud. He could live with this, and he could move on. Smile, smile, smile, and smile he did. Even at his own expense.

He passed by the bar, and there you were, chatting with Husker. You had a bright drink in your hand, and you were laughing. The sound was bliss for Alastor, as he had gone so long without the sweet sound. Husker was rolling his eyes, continuing to tell some story that Alastor couldn’t bother to focus on. He just watched the way you reacted, and his chest ached. Something must have alerted you to his presence, however, because you turned, your eyes just barely glancing over him, before you stiffened, and turned back around. All contentment seemed to leech from you, and Alastor’s entire body seized.

So it was like that, was it? This is what all the months you had spent together had come to? All his wasted feelings, for nothing. Alastor could feel his smile slipping, so he stalked off to his room. With a strange sound escaping from his throat, he resolved to rid himself of these horrid feelings. 

There would be no more weakness, not on Alastor’s part. What was any of it worth? What was a heart meant for, if not to be trod on? Hot, wet tears trail down his cheeks, sore at the effort of keeping up his smile. One of his hands tug at the thick locks of hair closest to his face. His ears flop back, and he lets himself go loose as he makes it to his room. He would not let it happen again.

Husk sighs, and it draws your anxious gaze to him. “I know this probably ain’t what yer wantin’ to hear, but you should probably talk to Alastor.” 

You frown. “Why would I do that? He hurt you, Husk, and he was threatening to do worse. I shouldn’t have been any form of anything with him, dude.” You sigh, and your eyes trace invisible patterns on the bar top. “I should have known better. It was a wake-up call, and I have heeded it.”

Husk grunts, and he sets down the glass he had been cleaning. “I know, but he’s been off for a while now, and I think he regrets it, even if he refuses to admit it. I was also pushing things, shouldn’t have done that. It’s how Hell is, and I made my bed with that fact, long ago.” Husk puts his hand on your shoulder, and you meet his eyes. His expression is serious. “You were happier around him, too. Don’t let this one thing stop you from that. I hate him, that’s true, but you’re a good friend. You also mellow him out, a lot. I think, if you do this right, we’d all be better for it.”

You let out a harsh breath, and glare at the end of your t ail that curls around your ankle. The thought of Alastor makes your heart pound, and you know it isn’t just fear. You wanted to let that feeling grow, but you were so afraid of all the things he could do, just because he wanted to. Was it worth the risk?

Husk seemed to know what you were thinking and just said, “You’ve got this, kid.”

With a huff, you pushed up from the stool, and hopped down. You could do this. You just needed to confront The Radio Demon. And make it out alive. And maybe confess your budding feelings. Who knows. 

There was a knock at his door. It made his head ache. Everything felt strange, but he managed to make it up from where he had been slumped against the wall, and get to the door. He pressed his head against it, and listened closely. 

“Alastor, can we talk?” He could hear your soft voice, and the slight waiver it had. His chest squeezed harshly, and he couldn’t help but swing the door wide open.

“Sweetheart!” His voice was harsh and gravelly, and his static surged at the sight of you. Oh, your sweet little cat ears twitched at every noise, and your little tail was curled around your ankles. Oh, you seemed so nervous? Whatever did he do? “You’ve come to talk to me?”

“Oh, Al…” You whispered, your face awash with pity. Alastor felt self-loathing and something heavy twist his gut. He brushed off his pants, trying to relieve himself of the feeling. “We should talk, but we should probably get you some water first. You look a mess.”

And then you were smiling at him. It was a small one, but it held so much light in it. Alastor felt some of that lightness fill him up, and he could only hope it stayed. 

One of your soft hands reached up towards his head, and he settled his cheek into it. Your thumb rubbed at his tear-stained face. 

“I’m sorry, cher,” Alastor mumbled. He didn’t know where the words had come from, but they bubbled up and out of him before he could stop them.

“I know. We’ll talk about it, don’t worry.” And those words calmed him. The two of you would figure this out. It would take time, but he was sure he’d have your affections again, even if something had to change.

Reminder that my Asks are open! It might take a minute to get to, but feel free! Also, the pinned post on my profile is my taglist. Please reply there, if you would like to be added.

Taglist: @girl-nahh-two @numetalnerd2007 @justchillingandhavingfun @alastor-simp @thonethatflies620 @lemonyboy97 @fairyv-ice

[thatweirdguyinthebushes]

breaking bad and it’s themes of toxic masculinity is one of those things that ill never get over. upon first glance jesse is very traditionally masculine, more so than walter, but as the show goes on it becomes clear that walt strives much more for the toxic and self-destructive standards of masculinity, where he must not only be the sole breadwinner for his family but must be acknowledged and praised for being such, where he must be the most intelligent most respected most deferred to of all the other men in his life. his son must respect him the most, his wife must acknowledge and be grateful for the money he brings no matter how he treats her or how he gets that money, his family must be grateful that it was him who provided for them, not strangers on the internet or charity or any of their friends, him. he needs to be acknowledged and respected, needs constantly to have his ego stroked. its one of the reasons he attaches himself so quickly to jesse, because jesse is in desperate need of both parental acknowledgement and a sense of academic achievement. walt takes on a kind of fatherly role, yes, but he's also jesses former teacher, and so his praise comes with a kind of undercurrent of that academic acknowledgement. and also, his relative ignorance at least at first of the technicalities of cooking meth makes it easy for walt to compare himself to jesse and therefore boost his ego. he does genuinely like jesse, but the amount of respect the kid has for him (extending even to the way he addresses him, "mr white", as if theyre still teacher and student) makes him feel superior, which is what he wants. and, as the story later reveals, jesse also has more traits that are stereotypically regarded as soft, feminine, non-masculine. he's highly emotional, much more so than the rest of the cast, and he cries more than every other male character combined. he's very gentle, and enjoys taking care of people, which is evident in the way he treats his romantic partners but also in the way he treats walt, specifically in the episode fly. he likes kids, gets along well with them, and goes above and beyond what every other character does in order to protect them. his emotional nature, especially when children and them being in danger come in to play, is one of the things he is most criticized for by other characters in the show. he's called impulsive and irrational and stupid and rabid, and he's repeatedly punished by the world for how much he cares about things. it seems, for a while, that the world of breaking bad is not only reprimanding him, but reprimanding these traits in and of themselves, saying "Look at what happened to the guy who really cared. Look at all the other male characters. They were all put together and angry and prideful and they cared about no one more than themselves, and they're on top of the world while Jesse is crying in a corner somewhere, because he wasn't a enough of a man." but then, as the story winds further into a close, you see everything play out more clearly. because the characters who are more explicitly masculine than jesse, who keep their emotions together and feed their own egos constantly and comply to the standards of toxic masculinity, all end up dead. gus has to brag in the face of the man who killed his partner, needs the revenge and the gloating and the satisfaction of having ground another man into the dust. mike has to get in the last word against the stupid son of a bitch that fucked it all up. hank has to arrest walt on his own, has to keep his job and his dignity. walt has only ruined his life this much because of his ego, and specifically dies at the hand of his own invention, designed for vengeance against all who wronged him. he offers the gun to jesse and jesse does not take it. he lays it down and instructs walt to do it himself if he wants it that bad. and then he drives away, and he is not stoic or cool or anything like his many foils, he is loud and emotional and he screams and cries and smiles. and at the end of the day, despite the world punishing his open emotion and his love and his gentleness, he is alive, and every other character who disregarded and talked down to him is not.

[theunsinkableship1]

Lukolaland: What would it take to pull me away?

DISCLAIMER: This is LUKOLALAND only. Do not read if you're not a shipper. This is PURE SPECULATION. No harm intended.

Once again, Lukolaland finds itself in disarray, with many shippers feeling disheartened and disappointed after Tifaine.red’s recent TikTok live. While this may have come as a shock to some, we must remember that much of this is not new, and it doesn't negate what we’ve witnessed over the years, particularly during the press tour. We know what we saw, and we can't unsee it.

The adjacent presence has lingered for nearly a year, yet it hasn’t changed much. It's clear that she isn’t the biggest threat, she's a young woman in love with someone who doesn’t seem to reciprocate those feelings. It’s not her fault; she didn’t realize what she was stepping into. While her insecurities and attempts to capitalize on the situation are frustrating, she’s not the main player here, the clock is ticking.

So why should we stay and wait for them to sort things out? Because what speaks volumes in the Luke and Nicola saga is everything that isn’t happening, everything that remains unsaid.

This situation could have been managed differently from the start. There were multiple opportunities for clear communication and professional handling, yet these were not taken. Nicola and Luke never said that they didn't love each other in a romantic way, they have said that they're friends in a complicated and very special way that blur the lines and is not easy for us to comprehend, they have acted all the time as lovers even when we couldn'ts see them and behind the scenes. This is confusing for who pays attention and we do. Luke could have introduced A as his girlfriend before the tour, during the tour or after the papgate, establishing the relationship publicly. He didn’t do it maybe because he doesn’t consider her as his girlfriend. He doesn’t have to discuss his private matters with the public, but a simple acknowledgement would have decrease passion and expectations. the initial shock to the fandom would have subsided over time, allowing everything to proceed with less speculation. The lack of these actions, combined with what has been done under apparent pressure, speaks volumes about the true nature of the situation. His adjacent has a small but public presence and she seems eager to be claimed and shared with the world as she is doing the most to make it known. It could have been less drama induced episode.

Luke and Nicola could have clearly stated that their relationship was strictly platonic, curbing the growing Lukola frenzy, they were always elusive or evasive on the subject leaving space for doubt and ambiguity. Their professional teams could have made clear statements to put an end to the speculation.

Many great creators in this fandom have faced criticism this week for their Lukola content. I understand that, to outsiders, it might seem strange for grown people to dedicate so much time to shipping people they don't personally know. I used to think the same way and never imagined I'd care so deeply about celebrities' love stories. However, not understanding something shouldn’t lead to attacks. If you believe we’re delusional, allow us to be so in our own corner of the internet. We aren’t harming anyone; we’ve simply built a community that celebrates real love. Those who don’t believe Lukola Love have no need to be here.

It might seem ridiculous to some, and they are free to think so, but it's unfair to create spaces just to mock us. This community has brought light, laughter, and joy to many of us. The only people who have the right to ask us to stop are Nicola and Luke themselves, and they haven’t done so, stating multiple times that they find it sweet, because the majority of this community is neither harmful nor toxic. We genuinely love and support them. We condemn harassment and attacks on them and strive to be respectful by staying in our own space and respecting their boundaries. If Nicola or Luke ever express discomfort or a desire to reassess those boundaries, most of us would comply or,would stop because, contrary to popular belief, we are functioning adults with full lives.

I might not have understood this before, but now that I'm part of it, I see why so many are touched by what we've witnessed, I feel the love, it’s rare, pure, and incredibly beautiful. I always liked Nicola, I always had a soft spot for Luke, but seeing them together has enhanced that feeling. I truly believe they’re better together as they love and help each other in many ways. Most of us recognize that having something so special is a blessing, almost miraculous. It's because we value love, especially in a world where it's often missing, that we feel compelled to celebrate, encourage, and nurture it whenever we see it.

I will only leave this ship if their relationship becomes toxic or if something truly inexcusable happens. As long as they maintain their bond, I’ll support them silently, even through other relationships, marriages, or kids. If they appear to be single and uncommitted, I will continue to support them openly in Lukolaland. Why? Because I want to believe in real love, it makes the world better.

[fire-lizard-ro]

SO UHHHHH- Beware the darker themes ahead. I know people were probably expecting more smut from me, but I find it hard to write smut for the Aeons??? Who even knows how that would actually work-

Anyways sorry for the lack of smut. OTL

I will feed y’all some good Geppie smut later!

GN reader

CW: mentions of death, permanent maiming, breaking bones, sadistic and obsessive tendencies, loss of self

Lemme know if I missed anything. T-T

I didn’t really get into it as much as I could have, so I don’t think it’s too bad. But still read that CW, please-

When it comes to the Aeons, I refuse to believe that they understand human conventions, morals, or ways of love. I think that with them, it's very easy for them to be a yandere??? Sorta?

Once they are interested in you, they won't immediately take you. They'll likely observe you, being interested in figuring out what it is that had them interested in you in the first place.

But slowly they become more convinced that you are someone they want to keep by their side.

Once they've decided that you should stay by their side, they'd likely kidnap you???

And I feel like as an Aeon who doesn't empathize with human emotions just has to keep you because you make them feel something truly novel- Is this that "love" that they always heard those humans talk about? That thing that they strive for yet the Aeons couldn't possibly hope to understand? So no matter how far you try to run, they'll find you.

Yaoshi

With this particular Aeon, I can see their love being one that is harmful for humans no matter how sweetly they put it.

They don't understand why you don't want the protection of their path and the blessing of everlasting life they can give you. :((

At some point, they'll likely give you the curse of mara, turning you into something you aren't. It's all because they love you and can't bear to see your mortal form crumble to nothing over the years and your life come to an end. They just couldn't accept that. So one day they tell you sweetly to close your eyes because they have a gift for you. One that you can keep... forever.

They understands that it will hurt. Yes. They understand that you'll lose your humanity and really your sense of being- But that's okay! They can take care of you. They'll never let you feel pain or suffering after this moment. You'll just have to take this moment of pain to have an eternity with them. Okay? :))

Honestly I can't really see why any of the Aeons would keep a human or other mortal around when what they pursue is something that mortal minds cannot truly fathom. Like with Nanook....

Nanook

(Disclaimer: what I said with Yaoshi? Y e a h - THIS ONE IS DEFINITELY HARMFUL TO HUMANS AND IT’S NOT EVEN PUT IN A SWEET WAY LIKE WITH YAOSHI.)

They are literally seeking the destruction of all things. Those who follow the Path of Destruction even sacrifice their own health and bodies in order to gain power in battle. The Path of the Destruction is one that seeks the end of all things. But maybe there's a slim chance that despite seeking to destroy all creation, they would find you oddly charming. A cute little thing that they cannot seem to take their eyes away from. Somehow, to them, you are just as beautiful as the fiery destruction they seek to bring to the universe.

Obsessively watching you and doing whatever they please to you. Keeping you close at all times, trapped in their embrace as though their hands were a living cage. Again- No matter where you run, no matter where you hide… they’ll find you. Their love is also Very Harmful to Humans TM. Holds you far too tight without really realizing it. But if you try to pry their large fingers off or you squirm too much… they only squeeze harder. To the point that you feel your skin bruising, flesh becoming sore and your very bones creaking. If you actually manage to get away from them somehow, I’m not sure what will happen to you. Not to mention the fact that it will be very VERY hard to run once you’ve escaped. Aeons can probably traverse the universe at speeds unfathomable. And their piercing gazes leave no stone unturned. How could you hope to hide from such all-seeing eyes? How can you hide from an Aeon? Once they’ve caught you again… you probably aren’t getting away. They may break you a bit. Juuust a but. Enough to discourage a second escape attempt- And maybe even enough to make that second attempt impossible. You don’t really need to walk if they’re always holding you, right? Maybe if they… break your legs? Careful you don’t anger them any more than that- Paralysis from the waist down is also a dangerous, but possible option. You may be broken after that, but they’re the Aeon of Destruction. You’ll be beautiful to them even broken. :))

At some point, if this was you second attempt and you’re somehow able to get away without them breaking your legs- Or hell maybe they did but you are just stubborn enough to devise a way to run away again (though likely not on those twisted legs of yours). Point is- If this is not your first attempt at escape, it’s likely that word of what happened the first time has spread. I doubt there’d be a planet in the galaxy willing to harbor you when Nanook could easily raze their cities to the ground and destroy the very planet they live on.

Nanook is the Most Dangerous of the Aeons to catch the attention of. Because I think with them, the most realistic thing would be that you are always one wrong step away from becoming a beautifully broken thing. The grand and beautiful destruction this Aeon sought. For what greater love is there than making you an example of their reason for being, right? Right? :)))

Or maybe it’s because they cannot be bothered with you if you become too much of a hassle even if they fancy you. I’m not really sure how Aeons really work, soooo…. I’d honestly be careful around this one… Even though I’m sure most would be considering their intimidating stature and nature.

Lan

I wonder if Lan would find it fun to let you think you’d escaped them only to hunt you down. I mean. They are the Aeon of the Hunt. Yes that means more than just that, but. I can see it. Some sort of sadistic glee they have in the fear in your eyes, the pounding in your heart, and the panicked breaths you take when realizing they’ve found you again. But they’d never hurt you! No, no, no- They certainly wouldn’t… Right?

IX

I don’t think there’d be any getting away from the Aeon of Nihility. 💀

I mean- Considering what happened in the Simulated Universe when meeting IX, I think you know why. I don’t know too much about them and no longer have many spoons for this so ye.

Maybe will write more about the Aeons later.

Sorry for any wack writing and typos it’s ass o’clock and it’s time for my eepy ass to go mimimimimimi- Might fix it eventually if I catch it.

[thatfrailsoul]

– Breaking free

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

We set our goal, we recognise our limits and we strive to overcome them. We charge ourselves so much with this desire, and sometimes even need, to change things, to make our reality shift... That we don't realize how much power and speed we gained, how close we actually are to those same limits that we used to feel so pressuring and imminent... and that now we are about to break through, without even realising when and how.

What is it that you are overcoming? What is it that you are escaping from? What is that battle that you, so tired and consumed, are starting to forget about now that you are winning, setting yourself finally free?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

And let me know in the comments which pile you chose in the end and if it resonated with your heart.♡

– Pile One,

the six of cups, the hermit, the knight of wands

Miranda, Thomas Francis Dicksee

It was scary. It was confusing. It was too much. So much that the only one who could protect you, the one you felt safe with... Was your own self, your own mind and heart. The ones that welcomed you, without any question and condition. The ones that understood you without any word or explanation leaving your tired lips. The ones that... Simply were there. Secluded, hidden, isolated. Always available, always ready to welcome you back as soon as you felt too much pressure on your heart.

And you did it, you ran to yourself, to that safe space. Once, twice... Until you didn't need to do it, until you simply stayed there, hidden too, from everything that was happening in your life. From situations, people, questions and doubts.

You stayed there, leaving it all up to them. Until everything ended, everyone left you alone and walked away. Until it all became out of your reach, although you didn't look for any of it for much more time.

And although it did protect you, it did gave you the time and calmness to heal your wounds, rest, and find again your strength and desire to live this life... It also gave you that bittersweet awareness of how much you hurt others, while you yourself were hurting too much. It showed you how it is actually scarily easy to let go of everything, to lose it, even if consciously. And how much emptiness it creates in your life by the time you find the courage to come back.

And in a certain sense... It did hurt much more. Feeling so overwhelmed again, although for different reasons, right after finally feeling whole... Being so ready to finally face everything, to only find out that there is nothing else to take care of in a life that never slowed down, that changed once again so much and so fast.

The idea of a beginning, of so many beginnings and first steps, felt much more frightening than once an ending felt. And you hid yourself once again. Remaining in this middle earth, nor in the past nor in the now.

But what happened before... It didn't only heal you. It also allowed you to grow. To grow into someone that is not only ready to live, but someone who truly wants to. Someone that, even while hiding, can't help but feel that excitement almost itching in every part of your body, of your soul.

You won over the nightmares and the monsters of the past. But you also won over the limits that, unconsciously, you created midst the safety of your mind and heart. You overcame it. Every single thing. Finally being completely free and able to simply create and live your life. One exciting first step at a time.

P.s. If you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

– Pile Two,

the ace of wands, the seven of cups, the magician

The Island of St. Paul in the Indian Ocean, Joseph Selleny.

You are so full of ideas... So many that you are quite literally overwhelmed with them. With so many things that seem so interesting and worthy of being tried. So worthy... That you actually can't choose between them, which one will be more useful or more fun to work on now.

And in an almost desperate try of finding the courage to chose, to just do something, you gave yourself time to reflect, in hopes that it will make things clear... With the result of giving your mind just more time and possibilities to come up with new ideas, to cultivate an interest for even more things.

It became a sort of a point of not return. Your heart that more and more strives to do something, to create, to learn, to express yourself... but without really helping you to choose that something among all these choices and possibilities that you keep finding. Resulting in you just being stuck. Stuck between the ardent desire and the uncertainty of what it is that you are so passionate about.

And it was this way for so long that you are not really trying anymore. Kind of getting used to this constant division and frustration within yourself. But this time that passed, although at first glance it doesn't seems, did help you. In a kind of strange and ironic way.

You quite literally consumed yourself, leading you almost to desperation. To the point in which all of this feels too much to bare... But also to ignore. You led yourself to the point of acceptance and even indifference, regarding what to do and how, that you will just start doing it. In whatever way, order or rhythm that you will feel like that day. An unconscious rebellion to your uncertainty and the "wasted" time.

And this will be exactly the moment you will finally unlock yourself. Simply by allowing yourself to do what you want, even if it is a thousand things. You will do them, you will finally try them one after another or perhaps all at once. And you will start to understand, to see and feel finally what is more aligned with you and your character. What is it that you are truly in love with, and what perhaps was only a little curiosity that will soon pass by. You will finally be able to choose.

To do exactly what was blocking you so much. Freeing yourself from those questions, conditions and limits that you imposed on yourself just because of the conviction that you need to know beforehand. That you need to know for sure what you might like before starting to dedicate yourself to it... Forgetting that just trying to figure it out as you go is absolutely fine and part of the process too. It is actually the most important part - discovering what it is that you love.

P.s. If you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

– Pile Three,

the queen of cups, the knight of swords, the magician

Evening by the Lake, Max Nonnenbruch

It was difficult to not connect the dots, to not conclude that every situation, every connection, every person... Wouldn't hurt so much if only you never rushed in. Trusting, getting closer, accepting and loving every soul that you met. It was difficult to not give into their mean words thrown at you every time they were getting ready to leave. It was difficult to not start to believe that it is indeed the truth, that you gave too much of yourself, and without asking pressured others, expecting to receive all of them too. It was difficult not to, so you did.

You did assume all the responsibility, all the guilt of why so many things are not working out. And you started to limit yourself. To control your every word, action, thought and feeling. Limiting who you are. Because you thought that that was the real problem...

But soon enough you noticed that hiding yourself and accepting others, their advices and opinions, only brought to you so many hurting and haunted souls. The ones that ironically do the opposite of you, not thinking even for a second that they might be the ones to make a mistake... But being so ready to demonstrate how are the others the ones to be in the wrong, the ones that aren't telling the truth.

And it only damaged you more, it consumed you more. Putting you in a situation where not only you couldn't be your own self... But you were also forced to endure what you know for sure you didn't deserve at all.

But once realised this... There isn't that much that you could've done. There wasn't much that you had the strength to do. So you just isolated yourself, hid your heart and mind, trying to heal all those wounds. The ones that are not only hurting so deeply... But that are also not allowing you to change things, to find a different way and solution. Because to be able to be accepted and loved... You got too used to all the wrong things, the ones that even being aware of is simply not enough to find the courage to stop.

But now... Things are changing. For the best this time. Now you are shedding, gently, layer after layer, all the convictions and opinions of others, all that they wanted you to be. You are coming back to your true self once again. Gradually learning to not be afraid to just be. Be who you are. Be the way you are. Be, without allowing the behaviour and choices of others to determine if you are wrong or right.

P.s. If you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

[varpusvaras]

I've had a headcanon for a while that Breha and Fox are really into the romance genre - like, in a way that if the book/show/movie is good, they enjoy it as a good piece of media, and otherwise, they read or watch things together and have fun with it. Bail is...not so much into this, as much as he can also enjoy a good piece of media, but the second part of the experience is kind of lost to him.

He will listen to Breha and Fox talk about them and tries to guess what is going on in any given book/show based only on what they tell him.

(If he is actually a bit invested. Shh. No he isn't. No, he's not watching this- alright, fine, you menaces)

So, there's this relatively new show. It started a bit before the war, and gained a lot of popularity then, and when the show was put on hiatus because of the war, the fans were impatiently awaiting for more. The show is about mostly fictional planets and their high-society, royals and nobility.

Breha and Fox watch the part of the show that came out before the war, and make Bail watch with them as well (Bail watches, because they are asking and he wants to spend time with them, and, hey. He likes looking at them when they are happy and joking around). Then, some time after, the show announces that it will be coming back with new episodes!

The episodes start releasing. Breha and Fox watch them, and make Bail watch them as well (no, he isn't invested at all-). One week, there's a new character introduced. A Princess, who is going to become a Queen soon. She is from a very old and rich planet, that does arts and peace and nature. Breha says that it reminds her of Alderaan a bit, perhaps they have taken some inspiration.

One episode, the Princess meets a nobleman, who is very politically idealistic and believes in equity, and is striving for making the galaxy a more peaceful and unified place. The actor is very tall.

Fox jokes that they kinda remind him of Breha and Bail. Breha laughs. Bail squints his eyes at the screen.

The Princess becomes a Queen, while becoming increasingly close with the nobleman. Then, one week, they introduce another new character. A former soldier, who has now returned from the war, and the Queen and the nobleman meet him when they are in an event, discussing how to make more peaceful solutions.

Bail frowns at the screen. The actor is not a clone, but looks very much like one, with his tanned skin and dark, curly hair.

Fox looks at the character as well.

"Oh", he says.

"Oh", Breha says as well. "I do think...that they have taken inspiration from close by."

You don't say, Bail thinks.

He's not super stoked about this development, but at least the two other actors do not resemble him and Breha too much. He can...sort of understand the choice of casting someone who looks kind of like the clones into the role of the soldier. It's commentary. Easy to understand. It's....fine. They are just drawing inspiration from their overall dynamic, nothing more. There's nothing else that seems too recent.

Then Bail goes for work to Coruscant, and gives statements regarding his views on the clone rights, the war, and his relationship with the clones and how, even though he cannot claim himself to be a part of their culture, he and Breha and Alderaan as a whole have tied themselves into it and consider it to be a part of their culture as well.

It's a good statement. Bail is proud of it and the reaction it causes. The way Fox and Breha look at him after is the best reward he could possibly ask for.

Then, a few weeks later, a new episode comes out. The nobleman gives a speech about the war and cultures and how he relates to them. It's very much the statement Bail gave, but just reworded to fit the world of the show.

Oh, Bail thinks. Oh, it is on.

Bail decides to have his own fun. He starts to make very showy gestures to Breha and Fox in public. They know immediately what he is doing, and go along with it.

Some of the things he did end up in the show. Bail can deduce from what those things are when whoever it is who is gathering material is present.

Bail knows the press. He knows how they dress, he knows how they operate. Once he knows where to look, it is very easy to spot them.

It's a rare occasion that both Breha and Fox are accompanying him to Coruscant. Bail is playing it up, until he notices the person who is very much not press but who is very much recording and making notes, when Bail is not even saying anything to any of the people surrounding them.

Bail turns to look straight towards the camera.

He person holding it stiffens, but doesn't turn away instantly. Not so easily intimidated, then. Bail can respect that at least.

Bail continues to stare at the camera, not saying anything. Just staring. Fox and Breha have caught on to what he is doing by then, and they are trying their best not to burst out laughing.

Bail continues to stare at the camera. He has stared down bounty hunters, separatists, assassins, the sith. He can do this all day.

Finally, the camera turns away. Bail smiles, and clims into their speeder with Breha and Fox.

As soon as the doors are closed and the speeder starts moving, Breha and Fox lose it. They cannot stop laughing the whole way, and are barely able to contain it once they arrive to the Senate.

Unsurprisingly, at least for some, the plotline of the three characters in the show starts to steer to entirely new directions in the very next episode.

[what-even-is-thiss]

i've been reading some of your arguments for why you wouldn't be vegan and just wanted to point out that you have a lot of fallacy in your arguments. might want to do a look in there to make sure you are stating your morals/prose properly, and aren't using any arguments that can be easy to shutdown. appeal to tradition. appeal to futility and the argument that personal pleasure(taste etc) allows us to do what we want to others without consent to their bodies is a moral issue i don't think you align with but i could be mistaken. a lot of people who enjoy sex don't rape for example.

i also liked the taste of animal flesh and organs but realized my personal pleasure i got from consuming them pales when it is placed against the value of someone's life and what they have to endure for me to get that on my plate, it's easy to have a disconnect when you don't know. health, animals, earth all benefit from a plant based diet. a plant based diet can feed more people for cheaper, helping to end hunger.

you can say you cook "more vegetarian" but i implore you to continue your growth and align your actions with your morals and continue to strive for a plant based diet in the future. you don't seem like a cruel person but i could be wrong. i've been vegan for 15 years and i cook so many amazing meals and can tell you from experience you don't have to limit yourself to oatmeal. if you have time to watch/listen id implore you to check out gary yourofsky "the most important speech you will ever hear"

good luck to you on aligning your moral values with the actions you take daily/what you pay for.

Okay. Do you say these same things to vegans that wear cotton? That also kills a lot of animals. Like a lot of them. It hurts entire ecosystems.

There’s no way to buy stuff in our current economy that doesn’t hurt somebody or something. I know how to cook tasty and cheap and mostly healthy meals for myself and the easiest way to do that is with pre-cut veggies, eggs, and the occasional poultry.

Yeah I’m wasting plastic. Yeah I’m eating animals. Vegans eat almonds and quinoa. Those are bad farmed at an industrial scale.

Being an omnivore is natural and I don’t feel bad about it. If you look me in the eyes and ask me if I could kill a chicken the answer is yes. I’ve done extensive research on how to do it safely, actually. If the apocalypse comes I’m raising hens for meat.

Also comparing animal agriculture to rape? Couldn’t find literally anything else to compare it to? Really?

[arcielee]

Lazy Sunday

Summary: Billy enjoys a lazy Sunday with you. Paring: Billy Washington x Female!Reader Word Count: 1655 Warnings: Comfort fic with some smutty smut, oral (f receiving). Author's Note: My first time writing for Billy is dedicated to the wonderful, the talented @helaelaemond. Thank you for answering all my questions ranging from the judicial system to what kind of underwear he would wear. I hope you enjoy this! Beta read by the wonderful @sylasthegrim 💜 Dividers by @saradika 💜

Billy was already awake, enjoying the gray morning and its muted light spilling through the sunblinds, the soft pitapats of raindrops on the glass window. You were bare and curled against him, your leg thrown over and threaded between his, your arm draped across his abdomen and hand rested against his hip bone. 

He relished in your touch, the comfortable warmth and softness of your skin that melded so perfectly against his lean frame. He would argue that he was too skinny, but you had never minded, your arms wrapping around his slender waist and laying your head on his chest to feel the low thrum of his heartbeat beneath. 

Now in the quiet of the morning, the only movement was his fingers drawing lazy designs along your spine; the unbeknownst prickle of your skin and the wake of goosebumps that followed his gentle touch, your subtle rise and fall with your breathing and the overall simplicity of this moment began to knit its way into his memory, another he would tuck away with the others, with his utmost affection. 

You hummed awake and shifted to press a kiss to his chest before pulling back, bringing your hand to itch your nose from where his chest hair tickled. “Good morning,” you said with the last remnants of sleep dripping from your syllables, “have you been up long?” 

“No,” Billy lied.

And you knew it was a lie. You immediately pulled further back to meet with his eyes; they were usually bright, but seemed solemn with the gray lighting. “Did you have the dream again?” 

It had not been said out loud, but Billy loved you, truly. You were his saving grace personified, coming into his life in the wake of the consecutive wrecked events–his blatant stupidity and arrest, after the threat on Cranstead field, after the magistrate showed mercy out of respect for his sister’s service and he was given a suspended sentence as well as community service to make amends. 

This was how he first met you, by happenstance. Your watch was weary the first time he slinked into the coffeehouse, but you soon learned he was harmless. Billy made it a routine to visit after his hours logged for the day or the mandated therapy sessions he attended; he would ask for a coffee and seven sugars, and eventually you would have it ready, waiting for his arrival. 

He found it easy to talk with you, and you had an ability to see his potential, but without a nagging criticism; you had a sharp wit to bring things to his perspective, but allowed him the breakthrough at his own pace. 

“You need to heal for yourself, Billy,” you would often remind him. 

And he did just that. The mandated therapy was an unknown godsend, allowing him to purge his mind of the poison, the corruption that came from before. He strived to be the good man you swore him to be, until it was no longer your sweet mantra repeated, but an actuality. 

Billy was still far from perfection, something you both were well aware of. Some nights the terrors of what happened hung heavy in the shadows, but he would wake with your gentle touch, your soothing tone that brought him back to reality. You would remind him that healing was a process and you proved to be limitless with your patience with him.

And this was why he loved you.

Billy hummed. “I did not,” and this time you knew he was telling the truth. The murky cobalt of his eyes settled on you, a mischievous glimmer that brightened the blue of them as he shifted his weight to kiss you. “I have only been appreciating,” he spoke with an emphasis, littered between his sloppy kisses, “admiring what is mine.”

You squirmed in his hold, your cheeks flushed from his timbre that tickles your skin. “And what exactly do you think belongs to you?”

He paused for a moment and you saw the furrow set between his brows, the flicker of recognition to the challenge presented with your tone. “Allow me to show you,” he murmured with a warm exhale that made your skin rise in response, shifting to climb on top of you. 

You could not help your smile, your hands quick to cover your face but he pushed off to follow, catching your wrist with his hand wrapping around, his fingers overlapping. Billy was careful to pull it away, leaning closer for a sweet kiss. “Let me show you,” he repeated with a whisper against your lips and the blood coursed to your features as he began to move lower.

His mouth was hot with the trail of kisses towards your core, the occasional pause to suckle and his admiration of the love mark that bloomed behind. Your skin rose with your shudder, your nipples pebbling with the contrast of his soft lips to the scruff that lined his prominent jaw. 

You sighed with your smile, moving your legs, knees bent and legs parted for his broad shoulders; Billy fit between, his large hands following the outside of your thighs and resting on the slope with a hold that dimpled your skin, until his fingertips touched your hip bones. 

His sandy blond hair spilled when he dipped forward to press an intimate kiss and your back arched in response. 

“It tickles,” you gasped.

Billy hummed again and you felt the low vibration against your cunt. “Let me,” he murmured, one hand releasing its hold on your hip and moving between. His long and slender fingers pressed against your folds to allow his tongue to run its velvet length.

You shuddered from it and could feel his satisfied grin, his warm exhale now on the wetness pooling between your thighs. He had always been attentive to your every sound and your visceral reaction seemed to fuel his ministrations, pressing for his tongue to lave the bundle of nerves above; another shuddered breath wretched from you, from the pleasure that fluttered the length of your spine and back. 

Billy mimics the patience you show him outside the bed you shared; he shifted again, his fingers almost fluttering, a gentle prod at your entrance until one curls within and with purpose. His finger fucks your slowly, searching, and his eyes watch you carefully, waiting to see.

In the beginning, you had always shied from him. Billy would bring you close with his repeated plea against your skin, “Let me learn,” and eventually you opened to his touch. 

Now he added a second digit to his purposeful curl within you and you mewled his name. Billy leaned between your thighs, his tongue flitting to tease your clit and meeting with the tandem of his touch, pulling you towards the precipice of your building release. 

Your pleasure was scalding as it poured into your bloodstream, pressing against your seams. “Billy,” you gasped again and his touch is careful and precise, continuing this rhythm, already aware of the fluttering of your velvet walls. 

“Yes, good girl,” a rasped praise before his tongue flattened against your clit to continue to draw your pleasure coursing your veins, rushing back towards your heart fluttering with your release. Colors sparked bright against the grays of the bedroom and after a moment, your breathing began to relax and you, once again, can feel Billy grinning against your cunt, still two knuckles deep in your pulsing heat that synchronized with your heartbeat. 

Your head sinks into the pillows. “Billy,” is all you can manage with another sweet sigh, melting against the mattress, almost drunk from your climax. 

And he moved forward until his swollen lips pressed fully against the bloom above, another intimate kiss that jolted through you. “Billy,” you yelped, your warning paired with a blissful smile, quick to bring your legs together on both sides of his face, “I will crush you.” 

His cheeky grin is smooshed in the vice of your thighs, his long arm coming around to lewdly clean his fingers; you cannot help but bite your bottom lip, blushing at the sight he makes.

“Believe me when I say there are worse ways to go,” is all he offered, breaking through and climbing back on top of you. 

Your fingers combed through the mess of his hair, holding the sharp edges of his face that always seemed to soften with your touch, the flush of rose that spilled onto his cheeks and the glisten of your peak on his lips and chin. There is a new emotion that teeters towards the edge of your tongue, something that you have felt for Billy for some time now, something that was still new for you; you swallowed the emotion and instead kissed him, relishing in the taste of yourself as his clever tongue curled into your mouth. 

You could not help the soft moan that spilled. “Billy, let’s not leave this bed today.”

Already you can feel him, the heady heat straining against the loose boxers that hung on his hips, heavy against the inside of your thigh. His arms are bent and propped on both sides of you, caging you against the mattress, and he watched you for a moment before leaning in for another kiss; it was slower this time, as if he meant to draw the very breath from your lungs. 

“There is nowhere else I would rather be,” his shy admittance fanned your cheeks and you can see the brilliant blue showing bright in his eyes again. 

“Good,” you grinned. “There better not be.”

And Billy paused for a moment. You see his knitted brow, just the flicker of grim that washed over his sharp features. “There isn’t,” he insisted. He pulled back, his large palms moved to stacked beneath the natural slope of your breasts, his chin resting on top to hold your gaze. “I mean that.” 

And you know he does.

Taglist [Tumblr kindred spirits]: @aaaaaamond @annikin-im-panicin @watercolorskyy @aemondx @fan-goddess @httpsdoll @theromanticegoist @assortedseaglass [YOUR BILLY STARTED THIS 💜] @amiraisgoingthruit @theoneeyedprince @babyblue711 @girlwith-thepearlearring @itbmojojoejo @lauraneedstochill @theobjectofyourire

arcie's masterlist

[selfhelpforstudents]

i always see people around me being more productive and starting revision earlier and doing everything much faster. i’m already trying my best, but i start panicking when i see them be better, and feel like i’m lagging behind. how do i snap out of this mentality?

How to Stop Panicking About Productivity:

We’ve all been there. You’re grinding away at your own pace, and then you glance around and see everyone else seemingly miles ahead. They’re breezing through tasks, acing their exams, and looking like they’ve got it all figured out. Meanwhile, you’re fighting off panic, convinced you’re falling behind. But before you spiral further, take a breath. You’re not alone, and there’s a way to snap out of this productivity panic.

1. Realize You’re Not in a Race

First off, let’s get one thing straight: life isn’t a race. Sure, it feels like everyone around you is speeding ahead, but that doesn’t mean you’re losing. Your journey is your own, and comparing your progress to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Different people have different strengths, learning styles, and paces. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay.

2. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

When you catch yourself spiraling, pause and check in with yourself. Are you being too harsh on your own progress? Give yourself some credit. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Start practicing self-compassion by treating yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling. Would you tell them they’re a failure, or would you encourage them to keep going? Be your own cheerleader.

3. Focus on Your Progress, Not Theirs

It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, but the only progress that really matters is your own. Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come instead of how far you think you have to go. Even small steps forward are still progress. Keep a journal or a list of what you’ve accomplished each day, no matter how minor it seems. This will help you stay grounded and motivated.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Celebrate Wins

Instead of trying to match someone else’s pace, set goals that are achievable for you. Break your tasks into manageable chunks, and celebrate each win, no matter how small. Finished a chapter? That’s a win. Wrote 200 words? That’s a win. You don’t need to conquer the world in a day—just keep moving forward at your pace.

5. Take Breaks and Recharge

Burnout is real, and it can sneak up on you if you’re constantly pushing yourself to keep up with others. Schedule regular breaks to recharge. Go for a walk, watch an episode of your favorite show, or just chill out for a bit. Remember, productivity isn’t about working nonstop; it’s about finding a sustainable rhythm.

6. Limit Social Media Consumption

Let’s be honest—social media can be a huge source of comparison and stress. Everyone’s posting their highlights, but you’re not seeing the full picture. Consider cutting back on your social media usage, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Out of sight, out of mind. Focus on your journey instead of getting sucked into someone else’s highlight reel.

7. Find a Support System

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a study group, find a support system that encourages you rather than makes you feel inadequate. Share your struggles and victories with them; chances are, they’re feeling the same way too. A strong support system can make all the difference in keeping your mindset positive.

8. Accept That Perfection Isn’t the Goal

Perfectionism is a trap. Striving for perfection will only lead to more stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, aim for progress and improvement. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and they don’t define your worth. Embrace the idea that doing your best is more than enough.

9. Remember, You’re Doing Great

At the end of the day, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re doing just fine. The fact that you’re even worried about falling behind shows that you care about your progress. Don’t let the comparison game steal your joy and motivation. Keep your eyes on your own path, trust in your process, and give yourself the credit you deserve.

So next time you feel that productivity panic creeping in, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re on your own unique journey. You’ve got this.

Best,

Sophia

[chichiscloset]

STOP DOING THESE 6 THINGS ON YOUR LEVEL-UP JOURNEY

Many things can hinder your level-up and femininity journey. If you are serious about levelling up, here are 6 things you need to stop doing on your journey.

Focusing So Much On Your Outward Appearance And Forgetting To Work On The Inside: Most of the time, we focus on our outward appearance without considering our internal well-being. It's fun to spend money buying new clothes, trying new hairstyles, getting our nails down and playing around with makeup, and it is important to spend time levelling up our outward appearance, but it can't be the only thing you work on if you truly want to level up. You need to spend time working on things like building your self-esteem, learning to communicate better with others, learning how to handle your emotions in healthy ways, working on your manners and building healthy relationships with friends, family and your significant other.

Needing External Validation: As you go along on your level-up journey you must let go of your need for external validation. External validation is when your feelings of self-worth are dependent on the approval of others. If you are looking for others' likes and comments on your Instagram posts to make you feel good about your outfit, hair or makeup, approval from your parents towards your life choices, or attention from men before you can feel like you are attractive and worthy of love, you need to learn how to self-validate. Get to know yourself. Learn what your values and goals are, and most importantly learn why these are your values and goals. On this level-up and femininity journey, you are going to meet a lot of people who don't understand or argue with you, so take the time to analyze why you seek validation and how you can let go of it.

Comparing Your Life And Journey To Others:  Stop comparing your life and level-up journey to others. We all move through life at different paces. It can be hard to see others accomplish the things you also want, especially when it seems like it came so easy for them when you try so hard. With social media, it's especially easy to fall into the trap of comparison. If you find yourself in this trap, take a step back from social media and focus on yourself. Spend time in gratitude and look back at what you have been able to accomplish and how far you have come.

Chasing Perfection:  Stop trying to be as perfect as possible. If you are on your level-up journey you don't have to strive to be the perfect woman. You don't have to always be perfect, have the perfect outfits, hair, makeup, and attitude. It's ok to be human and make mistakes sometimes.

Self-Doubt:  Stop doubting yourself and your abilities. If you want to level up you need to believe that you can do so. Self-doubt leads to insecurity and will keep you stuck in the same place you are trying to get out of. You need to let go of your past mistakes, your fear of failure and comparison if you want to be able to really let go of your self-doubt.

Feeling Guilty For Working On Yourself:   Stop feeling bad for working on yourself. You may need to turn people down, step back from relationships with certain friends or family members or even spend more time for yourself well on this journey. You must know that it is ok and important for you to take time for yourself and set any boundaries you need to guard your mind, heart and spirit. So don't feel guilty about that.

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