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12pt-times-new-roman · 5 months

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c3e78

(this was 4+ hours of heavy RP so have a read-more)

oh boy! time to find out who's gonna get angriest at Ashton!

Alright, Imogen's coming out first with a pretty standard "there were so many warnings!" but nothing too bad.

But Fearne, after kicking Ashton to unconsciousness, takes the hammer, strikes him with it, and slams it over and over again into the top off the ziggurat, screaming, trying to break it. She takes the harness and storms off. Chetney follows.

Laudna goes immediately to feeling betrayed. Everything is telling her that Ashton and Fearne should die, but she knows that's not a rational thought. Delilah wants the crystal -- with a moment of hesitation, Laudna turns and walks away seething.

Imogen uses detect thoughts on Ashton. "I think I've seen a pattern in my life. It's the realization of hubris and temptation and blame, an epiphany of violent levels of projecting responsibility. A very wide thought of not being responsible for what happened, and suddenly going through that, one by one." It's the realization that, within one week of knowing what happened to the Hishari, Ashton did exactly the same thing.

As they sit up, and the shard of Ka'mort is waking up now, too. It feels like the rock around them is breathing and another pain burns in their chest, they seize, shudder -- they cough, a horrible sound, and from within them, the shard of Raushan falls to the ground. Though Ka'mort's shard is on its way to awakening, the shard of Raushan was rejected, and with it a heavy cost. Their CON is permanently reduced by 2.

Ashton was stupid, but they weren't power-hungry. But in that moment of being dead, Ashton saw themself as who they would've been if nothing went wrong that day at the Hishari village, they met their parents and themself-- and they were vicious and cruel. Ashton wanted the crystal because they thought it would fix them, thought it would somehow give them their family back, but in that vision, they saw that it wouldn't and never would have, and that even if it could they wouldn't want it.

They wanted to feel robbed, and they wanted someone to blame other than themself, and they thought that this would make them whole and unbreakable because their cracks were evidence of weakness. Now, they realize they need to focus on understanding what they are instead of trying to become what they maybe were supposed to have been.

"How could you hurt Fearne?" "The same way anybody hurts anybody: a moment of weakness."

Chetney catches up to Fearne. She says she's going to destroy the harness, and Chet doesn't roll high enough insight to see any different.

She's beating herself up because she said Ashton could take it, but she never wanted it -- Ashton didn't coerce her or anything, she was genuinely afraid of it and wanted someone else to take it. Fearne was afraid that she'd turn into a terrible version of herself because she saw what she became if she took the Circlet of Barbed Vision. She feels her sadness and guilt as fury.

I love that Chetney is doing far better at diffusing this extremely emotional moment than anyone else could've, and he gets the harness away from her.

Chetney points out that Fearne fucked up, she heard the warnings and was naive, and she didn't trust the Hells enough to air her fear in front of them. But she has a crush on Ashton, she wanted them to like her back, and she was afraid of the shard anyway so why not let them have it? "Ashton is wild. And if there's any part of either of you that wants out, you can talk to me. That can mean a variety of things, and I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about it before, but don't fuck around, 'cause Ashton almost found out." Chetney dad friend confirmed--

They leave to go find Fearne something to break.

Laudna was following them, listening in. She uses form of dread and runs through the tunnels -- she knows them, she lived here a while before she had to leave, and she goes to places where no one could find her.

Ashton steps up to Allura. "I fucked up 'cause I'm an idiot! I fucked up bad." "Ah. Standard fare for adventurers at the crux of our plans, I suppose."

Imogen gives the bag of holding to FCG and heads into the tunnels, while FCG, Ashton, and Orym head to the surface to get some air.

Ashton apologizes for making fun of FCG's new faith, but FCG asks if they really care. "I care about all of you, so much -- I care about everything I can see, I just don't care about me, and I think that might be a problem." HEY! character growth! and acknowledgement that they projected super hard onto FCG!

After breaking some windows, Fearne goes for a walk, and promises Chetney she won't leave. She goes to the temple of the Matron of Ravens and offers a prayer.

"Hello, I guess. I don't really know what I'm doing in here, but... I made a bad decision, and I'm kind of scared about what I could turn into. So I guess I'm maybe asking you for some guidance. I don't really know how to do this, but I kinda like your vibe that you were normal and then weren't because you wanted more out of life, which I totally get. Anyway, I don't know, but--" She takes her postcards and leaves them as an offering, then leaves. When she leaves, she sees a little adolescent raven with one leg, its parents come and drops berries for it to eat, then all 3 make eye contact with Fearne before they fly away.

Laudna knows of a secret passage that leads into the woods, and she's gone. She's losing herself to Delilah, to what she once was, and is trying to remind herself of how far she's come since then.

Ashton talks to Percy. "We all make terrible mistakes, especially those of us who want to make a difference. The first key is to make sure nobody sees them; should that fail, you do everything you can to make up for it... punish yourself as much as you need to. Trust me, it's good for the soul. Some of us never stop. But don't drag them down with you -- only you are allowed to push your bruise."

Imogen goes looking for Laudna and finds nothing.

They go to dinner, bar Fearne and Laudna. I love that Allura is so resigned to the fact that all adventuring parties are weird as fuck all the time regardless of the time or place.

FINALLY Chetney casts grim psychometry on the shard of Raushan! "You see lands of rolling flame, a valley that is an inferno, the ground cracks as magma spews forth, a majestic kingdom of fire in an ancient time when the elements ruled Exandria. You see creation abound -- beings, life, pre-pantheon. Spirits walk in this land, though not the shapes that you know, elemental-like. Society and life before. Then flashes of conflict, feelings of benevolent frustration, emotional bursts of anger. Fiery conflict with beings of light and shadow, and then a cold place beneath, where you are alone. Half-asleep, half-awake, frozen, tethered in a lightless space -- until the chains break, and the blue sky guides you up, surrounded by arcane light, you are free once more and you reach out to grasp the hand of another like you from beneath the twin mountain, and then nothing." (For clarification, the twin mountains were one from above and one from below -- Cathmoira and Avalir.)

Oh, FCG gets actual answers from Matt when they flip a coin now! I wonder if this has something to do with their mystery 8th level cleric feature.

Chetney calls Ashton out. "You should leave. You should go. I mean it, don't come back either. If you're gonna do things for yourself, then do them, but don't risk us. I understand what it's like to look out for yourself, to try new things, but if I thought I couldn't control this, I would've fucking left. I don't trust you. You could've hurt Fearne." "I don't know if I'm going or staying yet. I think, honestly, that's not up to me. I'm thinking about it, and I don't trust me either. So I'm trying something. Actually, I've got a question: what did you do before you could control this? I've seen you lose your shit once, but what did you do?" "I killed things. I hurt people. A lot." "I'm glad you stopped. And I'm processing a lot right now, but if I do stay -- if you let me stay -- the day something happens and it goes bad for you, and you hurt a lot of people for any reason, stay or go I promise that I will stick around and help clean it up, and you'll get no shit from me. None. But for now I'll go."

(this is rich coming from Chetney, tbh, but it tracks with how much he cares for Fearne. however. Ashton is one of the only people in the party who hasn't been forced to make a saving throw to see whether or not he loses control and attacks the party. I get the sentiment, and Chetney needed to let off steam in his own way, but his point is definitely hypocritical.)

the absolute emotional whiplash going from that convo to Laudna asking Delilah for relationship advice and then resolving to "make Ashton a doll" in her old cabin--

break time!

We open on Fearne. She goes into the woods and uses plant growth to make a little hut and sleeps there for the night.

Laudna returns to her cabin and finds it partially collapsed. She uses charred wood with a curse word on it as the base for her doll of Ashton. Once it's done, Delilah says she can give it to them, keep it to remember them by -- or trade it for the shard. "Laudna... I need, and the power that helps me grow and thrive, it helps both of us." "No--" "Fearne didn't want it, Ashton couldn't have it. You have hurt so much. Why not stand up for yourself and take what is rightfully yours?" "Ashton hurt Fearne, they hurt us, why would I do the same? If Ashton can't learn from this lesson, shouldn't I?" "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who get hurt and accept it, and those who get hurt and retaliate. Who are you? Who are we? Matilda is dead. You are something more."

(Listen, if Laudna listens to Delilah and takes the shard without asking anyone but Imogen, she better get the same fucking level of backlash that Ashton did.)

In the morning, Imogen is panicked about Laudna, and tells FCG that they woke Delilah up. So at the very least, someone else is gonna be suspicious if Laudna suddenly wants the shard.

When Chet and Ashton wake up -- "you're still here! That's a good start." And Chetney.... immediately attacks them? just to see what their new arm does? OKAY???

but hey. Ashton rage build update: their damage bonus is +12 somehow? their new arm doesn't do anything yet, but when they hit with it, they do feel like there's a little box in their heart that hasn't been opened yet.

Everyone gathers up, and Fearne joins them at the gates of the castle. She's explicitly ignoring Ashton. With FCG's locate creature, they find Laudna pacing just inside the edge of the forest, trying and failing to will herself to enter the city.

When she sees Ashton, she turns and runs, because if she gets too close to Ashton she'll kill him? Chetney tackles her pretty easily, and even though Ashton could gain ground, they keep pace with the back of the group, but Imogen sends them away. for. A Reason, I guess?

"I gave Ashton some shit last night, I told him he should leave, permanently -- but he was there this morning, first down at the table. And that means something, 'cause he could've cut and run, been a coward and left, but he stayed." as suspected, Chetney saying what he did to Ashton was partially airing his grievances, yes, but it was also partially a test for Ashton.

Honestly, I'm really glad that the group is acknowledging that Fearne should've spoken up too. Obviously Ashton was the primary instigator, but Fearne still didn't say anything to them and didn't protest Ashton taking it.

Fearne suggests going to Nana Mori's for a while (which Matt strongly hinted at, btw) so they can work out all their shit, since she can manipulate the time difference. They agree to take an emotional retreat to the Feywild, and figure that Allura can either send them there or send them to Keyleth who can.

Ashton, meanwhile, puts their hand to the ground and feels warmth. "You absolute fuck-up. Maybe I deserve this -- no one deserves anything. What the fuck do I know? Maybe they do."

Laudna asks for the shard, and Imogen refuses to tell her where it is.

"Here, I made you this. It's a doll, for children, because you're a child. But I like children." "I hate children. They're awful." "They can be. Do you remember what it's like to be one?" "I do. It wasn't great." "You should find joy in your inner child." "This is the greatest thing anyone's ever made for me." Ashton is on the verge of tears here yall--

I fucking told y'all that Ashton's journey of learning to care for themselves wasn't going to be gradual like Caleb's was, it would be like the snap of tectonic plates when they cause an earthquake.

"I'm so sorry. I'm going to try so hard not to be that person, because I hate that person... If I am allowed to stay, and I understand if I am not, I will never, ever forget that this is the first group of people who didn't make me leave, and I will work so hard to make sure you don't. No matter what happens, I won't leave if I'm allowed to stay. No matter what we do, the mistakes we make, I will stay, I will be there, and I will not away. I don't know what love is, but I'm going with this."

Laudna is still angry, she still doesn't trust them, but the foundations for rebuilding that trust are there. And that's the opinion of most of the group!

Allura can send them to the Feywild, but -- "Your nana is the Fate-Stitcher, Morrighan? You are tremendously strange..." If Allura is going to send them there, then she also has to accompany them so she can send them back out, since they can't communicate!

Imogen asks Allura in her head who Morrighan is. "Your friend's nana is a notorious figure in the Fey Realm, but if they are indeed an ally, strange bedfellows I suppose?"

Ashton tries to pull Fearne away in the most conspicuous way possible -- "I'm looking for a book on apologies. I'm gonna start with 'I'm sorry.' If I had any idea... I don't know what I would've done, but I'm sorry. You were just being a good friend, and it felt right, but it wasn't, and you were being a good friend." // "I was being a dumb friend." // "No, I was being a dumb friend. This is on me. I didn't think, I... I fucked up really bad, and you had to be there, and I am so sorry. There is no way I'm ever going to forget the feeling of... the shard hurt, but knowing you were there was worse, and I'm not looking for forgiveness, I don't need an apology, I just need you to know that goodness doesn't necessarily lead to the right place. Sometimes we are good, and it works out poorly, and you were good -- it shouldn't have been like that, and it had to be, I guess. But I'm going to try so hard to never do that again. And i understand if you want me to go, or if you never want me to make eye contact again I can do that, but you're the only person I even vaguely understand in this group. I think I like them, or even love them, and I just want them to be safe from everything--" // "I didn't like that at all. That was awful to watch." "It was. And awful to feel too." // "You did the same thing that your dad did." // "Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about that. He's not my dad, he's nothing to me -- I don't even think I hate them, they are just a cautionary tale I did not listen to." // "That fucked me up a little bit. I think I'm still a little mad, and I don't think I can talk about it right now 'cause I don't really like you right now." // "That's okay." // "And I have a feeling that you feel the same way about yourself." // "I've never liked myself that much. If anything, this is the most I've liked myself in ages, and that's a bad sign." // "We'll talk about it sometime. But I'm glad you're still alive." // "I'll wait."

Allura comes back wearing battle-ready gear and adventuring clothes, and planeshifts them to the Fey Realm. (Ashton ties the doll near the collar of their jacket.)

With a quick incantation, they arrive at the base of the familiar tree that forms Ligament Manor. Bounding from the door is one of Fearne's animal friends -- Peepers, a jackrabbit with fingers for teeth and eyes on his ears. Within, Nana Mori is having a conversation with (and being tended to by) Birdie, Fearne's mom! (Ollie is upstairs tending to the garden.) She appears to have sustained some wounds, but nothing too serious. Birdie and both Mori's mouths greet them, much to Allura's horror.

"I am Allura Vysorin of the Tal'dorei Council, and I have multiple powerful friends who know where I am and who will come looking for me if I vanish." Damn, I almost completely forgot that it was the Arcana Pansophical who led the charge in identifying archfey, so of course Mori would know who she is!

Mori: is this a RETREAT?! how FUN! Allura, immediately: *mage armor*

At FCG's mention of time dilation, she slows time around her, and says they can take as long as they need. But Fearne asks about Ruidus, and Mori tells her what she knows:

"As [Ruidus] is held there, the very magic of Exandria is strained... the longer this tether holds to the moon, the more it tangles and stresses the flow of magic within and between the realms. So it's no surprise of mine that my lovely Fearne would be the one to set things right. The odd, if often fun, thing about being able to touch Fate itself is rarely knowing the outcome; it's like a strong hunch. But being able to see the distant ripples is like being able to give the weather direction. I can pluck a tune on the thinner strings. Some threads run a very taught path, carving through history to a powerful destiny; those threads, only she [the Matron of Ravens] can view, only she can cut and weave. Sweet Fearne, your fate is in flux; like your very whims, it vibrates with uncertainty, impulsive, darting in and out of darker paths, turned back by the shadow spaces of the skein. You've always been a beautiful paradox, and it's why I knew I had to keep you safe, and keep one finger on your thread. Your true heritage required my attention. So, I'm happy to help, for now it seems that maybe now is the time it has all been heading toward. Maybe we're at the end of the strain itself. I'm glad you're here, sweet girl."

Fearne asks about the Shadow Fearne she saw way back in EXU: Prime. She seemed sad and angry, so when Fearne feels those things, she gets afraid that she'll become that. "You require answers, but not all answers are mine to give. Your mother keeps a deep, dark secret -- one you deserve to know, and one that is not my place to reveal. Perhaps you should speak with her. It might be illuminating."

Fearne asks about Morri's opinion on the Matron. "She is complicated; the pinnacle of ambition. There are things I dislike, as the places I like to walk are under her purview and she doesn't like uninvited visitors and we don't meet eye to eye; but she can't fully reach me here either, so we have an understanding... she's fine."

Then she asks about Asmodeus, Tevon, and produces the kiss -- "I thought I smelled sulfur. Oh, Fearne, you've been dallying! I now understand the context for some of these pluckings. You and your mother are more alike than you know. What that mark is, is a promise. An audience, and a chance to gain and give -- a trade." It's an invitation to make a deal with the literal devil, essentially.

Birdie returns with Ollie, who offers to cook a meal! And Morri offers to wipe FCG's memory after they plan the scavenger hunt so they can participate too.

But in a "proper place to patch things up," as much as Ligament Manor can be that, we finish out the episode.

#critical role #note watches c3 #critical role spoilers #critical role campaign 3 #critical role c3 #critical role liveblog #WHOOF #WHAT A FUCKING EPISODE #it had everything but combat and even then Chet gave us a little piece of it #by the way can I just say that I fucking LOVE Chet and Ashton's dynamic in this #it is SO GOOD

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