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poorsadorphanposting · 9 months

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This is an RP blog for the DoL AU of my OCs Edin and Esmee Koizumi! Run by @degrees-of-fuck the thing the myth the absentee.

TW for weird quasi-incestuous bullshit in general as well as creepy and self destructive behaviour / TW parental pseudocest under the cut. TW morgan basically. It's not anywhere else so that one can be skipped over.

Pronouns:

Esmee: She/Her ||| Edin: He with people they don't trust, They with people they do. (They pref.)

Major canon character relationship under cut for useful info just in case, but any and all interactions are welcome!

Not necessary reading, but it's here and might inspire some interactions idk.

SYDNEY: Sydney and the twins were Sunday School Buddies growing up - and Sydney was, I think, the first person the twins felt comfortable actually talking to after being left in doltown. They're still friends now, but they've never been able to hang out as much as they'd like. I think Sydney is as concerned with Esmee's recent changes in demeanor as Edin is.

BAILEY: Oh, Bailey, Bailey, Bailey... Bailey's kinda all they have at this point lol. Thing-like-family wise anyway. Edin constantly clamors to keep Bailey in a good mood so they won't be hurt while they're spending most of their time at the orphanage. I think Bailey wants to fucking punt them. Esmee hates Bailey, but wants their Attention and proof that she Exists to them, in some way.

LEIGHTON: OH BOY. They both haaaaaate Leighton. Leighton was Esmee's first kiss and kind of kickstarted her downward spiral a bit. As petty revenge for how uncomfortable Leighton makes her, she has taken to acting like the two of them are a MARRIED COUPLE. And is extremely annoying with it. Edin naturally despises Leighton for all this, paired with the Sydney stuff, but is also too terrified of them to act out or say much. Sometimes, Edin goes to detention in Esmee's place on the sneaky. This doesn't go well for them. Also in game, the same instance where Leighton took her first kiss, Esmee somehow managed to make Leighton cum in their pants by doing? Nothing? I wasn't even trying to get the achievement it just happened. My theory is either magic cum spell, or Leighton enjoys the sound of her sobs so much they just climaxed on the spot.

WHITNEY: Whitney probably bullies Edin relentlessly, though not necessarily sexually. They're just a sad nerd that's fun to push around. This makes the whole wanting to bang their twin sister thing awkward. As for Whitney and Esmee, they get into fights a LOT. I think even when they're dating, it's a pretty deranged dynamic. (Not affectionless tho <3 I did make that comic where Whitney takes psychic damage over Esmee's Demented Torture Porn Only Fans lmao) They both suck so so much. ... OH YEAH thing that happened/happens in game that's fun to reference: Esmee lost her oral virginity ingame to transguy Whitney's Strap but already had S mouth skill somehow, so her very first time sucking dick, she made him cum so hard he CRIED. In front of Leighton. the game didn't acknowledge it but it described him as Sobbing. She also somehow manages to make them cum in their pants Constantly in game it's so so funny. Use this info how you will. ((Based on this, the Leighton thing + at LEAST one other insane incident, my friends and I have started joking abt her having a fucking Cum Spell))

AVERY: Avery initially went for Esmee (dances, flirts, lets him hit it) but then Esmee proceeded to be her irritating, scene causing, threat to humanity self, so they went for her clone instead. Edin probably isn't a favourite of Avery's since they stutter a lot and are terrified of sex, but they ARE cute, easily manipulated and have their funny little music thing. Now Esmee pops Avery's tires and films them and is generally making a special effort to ruin their life.

BRIAR: Edin doesn't know who Briar is or what Esmee's main job is. All they know is that she constantly comes back in the wee hours, exhausted and looking like a MESS. They hate this. Esmee works for Briar most nights when she's not off treasure-hunting. One of the few people she actually takes semi-seriously, I think. She's a good dancer, soaks up horrendous damage like nobody's business and loves attention, but thus far has been stubborn about keeping her technical virginity.

MORGAN: Um. Esmee uh. So after being abandoned by her parents, the whole 'being relentlessly pursued by a violent and possessive maniac that claims her to be their daughter and refuses to let her go' thing she encountered while in the sewers kind of. Scratched a certain itch in Esmee. Yeah.

KYLAR: LOL Esmee and Kylar are uh. Allies I guess. I wouldn't say friends necessarily, but allies. Esmee helps Kylar with the creepshots and the intel gathering and general wingmannery in exchange for various demented favours. Edin used to feel bad for Kylar and wanted to talk to them, but these days they have a petty grudge against them. Same obsessive crush :/)

#infoposting

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sugar-petals · 4 years

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Bts voice analysis anon here! I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond ❤ it made complete sense why yoongi is the deepest I kinda feel bad for him everytime he wants to sounds cheerful or speak in a way so people can hear him he strains his voice

lot to talk about, i’d like to expand on this. especially what his voice being the deepest means for bts’ songs. plus, where his undiscovered vocal talents are, and in what manner his voice will not strain.

that he’s very introverted contributes to what you say, but yoongi is certainly the odd one out voice-wise, such low baritones hardly sound upbeat. similar to how taehyung being the odd one out in the vocal line whose head voices are literal superpowers. i really respect him for singing with jin and jimin who can climb one octave higher than him, up to C#5! and with jk who has the best technique and breaks into the 6th octave if he goes on like that.

it’s very much like yoongi who probably has to mix their tracks back and forth to fit his parts with hobi (who is a tenor as a rapper! — very uncommon) and namjoon who raps in several modes. very low, very high, very impactfully. he’s the most full-bodied baritone in the group even if he’s only the third-deepest. the tone is just so rich. both hoseok and RM are extreme vocal chameleons on top of that. in speaking and in their music you can hear the difference to yoongi all the time. they don’t suddenly drop in pitch and they’re vocal acrobats.

hobi in particular, this guy can do anything. the sheer agility my god, he connects his registers. he can go up and down, impersonate and do a million effects, adlibs, you know the drill. it’s him who actually owns the “cheerful/loud and clear” brand you mention. which is good if not fantastic for yoongi’s production endeavours, the group mood, and how bts cannot be ignored — but tough for yoongi’s voice and comparison thinking, and when he tries to make a point in interviews. maybe it’s not bad that bts have to slow down sometimes to let yoongi speak, but his tone is drowned out (not intentionally of course) in other occasions and he wakes up hoarse often as we saw. which might sound hot, but it’s not good for him as you say.

to be clear. i wouldn’t chalk down his more monotonous and silent tone as a weakness, it’s just outside of bts’ other vocal variety. he makes up for it with speed and good lungs anyway. we just have to listen more closely to him in talks/episodes/conferences but i think he shouldn’t worry about it either or try to sound more enthusiastic, the fans love his soothing speech for its pure sake. he does change it regardless to be more poignant and blend in. it has pros and cons but it wears him out.

yoongi’s voice is under that strain not just in conversation but also in the studio if he wants to bring connection to the rap line parts instead of having 3 songs in 1. which usually ends up happening anyway. that’s also why the cyphers (!) switch genres mid-song so often: their voices are all strong in different registers! yoongi the lowest, joon midrange, and hoseok up high.

that’s why cypher pt2 is a HUGE stunt and production masterpiece: hoseok’s part is tuned differently, then other instrumentals start with namjoon. and you can literally hear, okay alright a deep voice is coming! from there it just gets deeper and deeper until yoongi is just rapping over a bass guitar (every baritone’s best friend lmao!). god, please give yoongi a big bassline for his every part. “ugh” is the exact opposite: yoongi has to start too high and namjoon also has problems with the key, only hoseok can fully take off after 1:50 with perfect vocal stability. guess which song is autotuned: it’s not cypher pt2! a 3 in 1 song fuels the rapline in a way where they are most comfortable. it’s crazy how far apart they are among each other vocally and it has to be considered.

it’s a dilemma but also why bts’ rap line can tackle any song with at least one member suiting it. they complement each other, every register (except the rare whistle register, aka what mariah/ariana do) is covered. i think that contributed to bts’ fame, it’s so important. however usually, the song caters to hoseok since tenors are preferred in kpop music, or it caters to RM as he’s the central songwriting entity even if mind you, he always thinks about all the members and works closely with yoongi.

but even with joon’s support, it doesn’t work if yoongi is caught in his wish to be a tenor. we’ve seen how much the guy talks about wanting his range to become wider and how he even tried singing quite high for his standards on d-2. he goes as far as collabing only with sopranos to help him achieve that pitch. yoongi is invested to pretty much change his entire vocal type 🙁because the environment simps for high notes so bad (which is fair, falsetto is related to releasing certain happy hormones and highlights parts in songs, but still).

... he actually can’t, unless he wants to damage his throat. that’s the last thing we want. a listener can get the serotonin from a very deep voice equally if they got good taste.

thing is. you cannot morph yourself into a different vocal type and shift your range to the opposite of your comfort zone unless you’re whitney houston. even one in a million tenors like baekhyun can’t make themselves a baritone. his lowest notes are less clear no matter how hard he practices, even if his chest voice is almost operatic and his technique excels. meanwhile, chanyeol (who’s a lyric baritone and exo’s deepest voice) effortlessly hits them without (!!) that kind of decade-long training. have baekhyun or jimin been called bad singers for not being able to cover the other end of the spectrum? nope. so: why would yoongi be a bad vocalist who needs autotune. with lessons, oh man, he could do a lot and many things he dreams of. he has a very unique timbre and enough musical knowledge to do so.

so, we see the magic of your natural supported range. it’s simply given to you. imagine that: if you know you’re not a tenor, you could sort of outsing jungkook — obviously not by technique, but projection— as long as the song is tailored to you and the notes are low enough. yep, jk’s lower register is not extremely forward. each note is perfectly sung because he’s jk, but his power vocals are settled much higher. joon/tae/yoongi would sound much fuller with huge oomph in those lines. that’s where yoongi would be much more clear-sounding to us. a lot of baritone rappers in kpop would be damn good singers.

that’s why it’s good how a lot of rappers produce solos on their own so they can try it out.

you just have to respect that your range usually (not always) goes in one direction. once yoongi rightfully decides to abandon his high note fantasy and goes lower just for fun, we are not safe anymore lmao! exception for range: female singers have an advantage there. trained mezzo-sopranos have great access to the head voice and lower registers since they’re in the perfect middle of the scale. but the guys, forget it, even the baritenors. yoongi’s fullest voice will always be coming from a chesty depth and we love him for it. guy just needs to realize.

that’s why his real challenge is rather somehow tweaking the rap parts so his voice finds good resonance like in “혼술” or even “ddaeng”. where his voice is strong, relaxed, and full and flowing. ddaeng — “boy with luv”, too— is ironically in a very high pitch and again caters to hobi’s tone the most, but: yoongi just scales down to his own octave and it still fits, so — great key choice and musicality! and adaptation. it’s not easy to do. you can tell he plays piano.

he either becomes less easy on the ear or has to autotune himself entirely if he works against his voice. or: goes on a track way outside his supported range (dynamite, WOW). it’s a shame. “daechwita” and “agust d” are such a case: both go into the head voice where your resonance should show the most aka the chorus. there are aggressive belts/snarls/shouts that make more sense for higher, trained voices. yoongi is most famous for raps that are literally designed to fuck up his vocal cords 😷that he’s so skilled as a rapper prevents him from that to a degree, but it’s still not healthy. he adapts a lot to bts’ overall delivery but he doesn’t have to, in fact: he could go in the other direction and it would work even better.

the reason for the title track issue: they are the most energetic. in k-pop, energetic means amping up the pitch. and that’s probably a logical choice and a natural human association. if you make a baritone kpop track with a lot of energy, it probably becomes pretty creepy, uneasy, film noir. but i think that’s exactly yoongi’s thing: to unsettle and critique and rage. i think it could work out. lil nas x is a baritone pulling it off. he achieves energetic title tracks, he honors his vocal type well imo. his live singing is cool af, i need this so hard in the rap landscape. so, it’s not impossible to do.

the trick is probably setting everything to minor key. surprise... yoongi’s challenging title tracks are all in major key. boy with luv: minor key, interesting. the former are extremely difficult for him to do so hats off. “shadow” is more suitable for his baritone as is “burn it”. it needs a very heavy, dark track. which is why it’s good that yoongi has that kind of public image. a baritone’s best genre is not super light and whimsical. that’s why all of our baritone faves are not main vocalists but main rappers. kai, taehyung, jaehyun: low voices in vocal lines are soldiers.

---

now a note on yoongi’s best method of singing since it reflects his voice type and brings out the fullness of it. as in, how does it crack and strain less? guess why “사람” is yoongi’s favorite d-2 song to sing. it’s ALL his comfortable range and the singing — very beautifully done — is in mixed register (= head + chest)! which imo might be his secret weapon. it allows him to do what he longs to do successfuly without going extremely high. bingo.

because: even with baritones, the golden middle is still important. they’re not as deep as a bass, after all. that’s why their voices are so honey-laced in the mixed range and it sounds amazing. heaven, their timbre sounds so seductive. so, it’s wonderful when they find their middle and dare to sing.

i wish yoongi gets/makes more tracks aimed at just that. in “outro tear” he has to go both too low and too high so it takes a lot of production effort to patch it together. the rapline is doing god’s work to make all their voices sound cohesive without being trained singers. it’s always a trade-off and risk, an immense balance act. “paldogangsan” is hard on yoongi’s voice but works as a whole plus it caters to namjoon to carry the song’s message. the cyphers are chopped up and not chart-friendly but each member is in their comfort zone.

PS: i said bts’ rap line covers all registers except one. i think that jin is the one to complete bts’ entire spectrum coming from the vocal line. i’m no whistle note expert but dionysus went pretty high up there, i think he might be able to do it. it’s very impressive, even jungkook and jimin probably don’t have access to that register. so, another point for bts being a very ‘complete’ group.

#anon #ask #cub mail 🐆#vocal analysis #yoongi #suga #bts #baritones #tenors #mixed register #long post

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dunedjarin · 4 years

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2020 in Review

I was tagged by @luzdelmundo, thank you so much for thinking of me and sharing your thoughts! :)

I’m tagging @macabrecowboy, @saucy-cake and @hollywoodn-t. Do it if you want, don’t if you don’t haha :) Either way, have a great 2021!

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 favourite films you watched in 2020:

Parasite

Full Metal Jacket

Jojo Rabbit

Wonder Woman 84

Ladybird

5 favourite tv shows you watched in 2020:

This year tv shows were the main coping mechanism and I’m not even sorry about it.

The Mandalorian – I love star wars so much and this is my favourite star wars thing ever

The Good Wife – it’s my favourite tv show ever and I watched it through for the third time this year :)

The Crown

Unorthodox

Derry Girls

5 favourite songs you listened to in 2020:

Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings – Father John Misty

I Wish – Hayley Kiyoko

A Burning Hill – Mitski

Dancing in the Moonlight – Jubel

Top 5 albums of 2020:

Who Really Cares – TV Girl

Candid – Whitney

The Minds of 99 – The Minds of 99

i,i – Bon Iver

A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships – The 1975

Top 5 4 books you read in 2020:

I haven’t finished a single book this year lmao, but I did start reading a few. I’m a mess

The Secret History – Donna Tarte

100 Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Free Food for Millionaires – Min Jin Lee

(All the many, many books I read on queer theory for my thesis)

How did you spend your birthday this year?

Well, I went to an art museum with my boyfriend at the time, and then got pizza. It was fun but kinda sad to look back on now. Oh well, I saw some nice art and now I have a poster of one of the exhibits in my room lol

What was your most memorable day this year?

Annoyingly, it was the day I got dumped by my ex lmao. I remember every single thing that happened that day. It sucked, but in a way it’s nice to be able to look back on it and not feel hurt anymore. Chalk it down to experience!

What was your most memorable meal you had this year?

I’m not sure, but it was definitely nice and memorable to be able to keep having big dinners and lunches with my housemates this year. All 15 of us made dinner for everyone twice a week during lockdown and had easter and christmas parties together when we might otherwise gone elsewhere.

Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine?

I got a lot more plants! And started embroidery again, though not that much. I did get a lot better at cooking too.

What was the last big event/thing you remember doing BC (before covid)?

Two of my friends decided to move to Portugal, and rented out our favourite club for a big goodbye party. It was amazing, we all got super drunk and had a really wonderful time. I miss them a lot and it’s nice to be able to look back on that night with all of my friends together.

5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020:

I submitted my master’s thesis and finished school!!

I was in my first relationship, which was fun while it lasted and taught me a lot

I went to the west coast of denmark again, which is beautiful

I actually had a job (for a while at least) and money!

I came back to the UK twice this year, which I don’t usually do. I don’t admit it often but I really miss my mum when I’m in denmark, and coming back is always nice.

Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year?

Things will be okay. Everything takes time and you can allow yourself to feel all the emotions that you need to, but one day you will wake up and feel ready to try again.

And what are you most looking forward to in 2021?

Less anxiety. Seeing friends and going places and not worrying about it all quite so much.

#it was so nice to be tagged ahhhhh #thank u #tagged #2020 in review

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sunsetsover · 5 years

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Hey I'm enjoying all your analysis posts. I can't believe how little content we've actually gotten of Ben & Callum together. The content we have had has been so Good & shown so much potential to the point I've got hooked on the sl but pretty much left hanging 😂 it's also left me confused where theyre going with this. Until recently I was convinced the wedding would go ahead & an affair sl would then begin with some other wedding drama going down. Now I'm doubting they're going the affair route?

hey, i’m glad you’re enjoying my rambling !!! strap in for some more lmao

i know what you mean, when you really sit down and think about it, not much has even really happened between ben and callum yet. like yes they’ve slept together and have mad chemistry but in terms of volume, we’ve only had like.... less than 10 episodes of real, substantial content ?? like we really are right at the beginning of this storyline and i’m excited to see where it’s gonna go!! like you said it has so much potential and both tony and max have been absolutely knocking it out the park so !! i’m very excited but also a lil impatient 😔 but that’s just how it goes w soap ships - there are lots of storylines going on at once and only so many episodes in a week so sometimes ur faves disappear from screen for like weeks at a time and you just have to Deal With It... tbh we’re kinda lucky we’ve got so much good content for ben and callum both separately and together in only a few months... i feel spoiled

as for where this is gonna go, i have no idea tbh. i’m sure i read somewhere that someone from the media or smth (wow, not specific at all lmao) that the ben/callum storyline is not going to go where you expect it to go or that it’s unpredictable or smth along those lines so i’m hoping that’s true!! and tbh i thought the opposite - after the chris reveal i really thought callum wasn’t gonna go through w the wedding, but seeing the pics of them filming whitney in her wedding dress has made me doubt myself. but who knows, callum might bottle it on the day or leave her at the altar or smth. tho if they do get married, i doubt it’ll last very long esp seeing as tho whitney is going to find chris’ letters and callum looks on the verge of some kind of breakdown at any given moment these days. this is not a secret he’s going to be able to keep for much longer. and as much as i’d love an affair storyline, i don’t know if they’re gonna go down that route bc it doesn’t really seem like it’d be in callum’s character. and if they do, i doubt it’d go on long enough to be a Full Blown Affair either, bc like i said, i don’t think the marriage would last v long. callum wouldn’t be able to cope w the guilt of what he’d be doing whitney anyway. so like... i have a lot of thoughts about what i think is not going to happen but very few about what is going to happen lmao

but they’re definitely going to do something with ben and callum. ee wouldn’t have invested so much into it and done all this groundwork just to go nowhere with it. they’re not silly, they’re gonna have realized that this storyline is getting them attention (and probably anticipated it too). i mean it got me watching eastenders again after years of not watching it, so i’m sure there are others in a similar boat. they’d be stupid not to take ballum as far as they can go. i just have no idea where that is lmao

#ballum #eastenders #anon #question

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

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Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years