#this id shitty but im too tired to do more so

[knifeslidez]

𝔇𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔰

[confusedalpacart]

dont think im going to do artfight this year tbh. got Stuff happening that month and i do not have the energy to make oc refs im actually happy with in time

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[audiovisualrecall]

Love how I can ruin something so easily

[dazed--xx]

Hello! I love your fake texts and I religiously check you blog for new stuff thats how much i love them 🥹 I was hoping you could do a hyunjin scenario where he likes y/n and y/n likes him too but they're just friends and y/n thinks he could never see them as more than a friend so y/n's other friend has a big crush on hyunjin and y/n is so nice so when y/ns other friend asks to set them up with hyunjin y/n tries to by trying to talk up their friend to hyunjin and trying to convince him to go out with their other friend - you can decide where it goes from there thank you so much! 🩵

Honestly, at first i was gonna say I wont write this ngl. I typically don't like this type of prompt, I hate when this scenario pops up in the manga and manhwa I read. BUT then people just kinda hype me up when I take tired ass scenarios (No offense sorry) and make them my own. so I will be doing this, now I cant promise it will follow your prompt to a tea but do note that it will for sure have

Hyunjin and Y/N will like each other

friend will be either shitty, oblivious or a decent person

Y/N will have to try to set up friend with Hyunjin

this shit will be angsty, cant promise a happy ending I'm not too big on those but my readers like to bully me into them anyway (complete joke)

also how far can i go? i feel like some people don't realize the lines I'm willing to cross for a good story so from like a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being almost sunshine and rainbows and 10 being a Tsunami of angst and sadness? i feel like I'm not gonna get an answer but others considering making a request yall should let me know from now on. i mean one of my OT8 y/n's is the survivor of a serial killer people. like non con is the tip of the fucked up mental iceberg I'm willing to write like when october hits yall are gonna be traumatized with my Spooktober masterlist, BTW I'm doing a Spooktober event (We kinky but not in our works too much these days, but the first day will be a smut/horror fic. Just won’t be smut focused)

anyway, im writing this like legit right as I'm answering this so that's why I'm Rambling but like who cares right get into my mind. anyway if you could message me with the how far I could go question lol like mild angst, medium angst, or heavy angst id appreciate that

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/757046870112681984/httpswwwtumblrcomyouremyheaven75703907683788?source=share 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭ohh my god really my college boys are so immature 😫😫 that's why they treat my freinds like this btw your 24 are you pursuing you master's or job really i am studying in college and intrested in vedic ans stuff but bruhh i hate my college boys they are just 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 we all need a responsible man just like him hope i find one can you tell what your experience in first relationship and firt time in ✨️it ( if you not comfortable don't tell just need some advice) AND FOR YOU I AM MANIFESTING THAT GUY AS YOUR HUSBAND

Cheek dapat dam dam chuu swaha ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️ heaven giel get this guy as husband with more greatness 👏

😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺you're SOOOO SWEET, pura ka pura cutie pie <333

i graduated already and im just working at the moment. i dont really feel like studying further tbh lmao and im entering an industry where work exp matters more than degrees so✌🏻

and yes college boys will always be shitty, dont lose hope, after college you'll meet better guys!!! <3 and the thing is dudes under 25 are just little boys,, veryyyy few of them are mature and this guy is the rare exception

NSFW CONTENT MINORS DNI

my first time was when i was 16-17 and the guy was 18 and a major asshole and he forced me to "date" him and then he r*ped me 🤡🤡🤡so i technically lost my virginity to r*pe but i dont want to think about that or consider that as my first time

i had my first "real" boyfriend in 12th grade and on Farewell day (its like the Indian version of Prom for all of you non-desis) he took me to his house and no one was home so we banged hehe<3333 he had a huge dick and it hurt and im pretty sure the whole thing did not fit lmao

i feel like a lot of virgins dont understand this but (and this also depends on the guy's penis size) penises dont often go all the way in when you're having sex for the first time!! and it takes a while for your punani to stretch comfortably and "take" d*ck. ALWAYS USE LUBE, the more lubricated you are down there, the easier it will be to take him in. your partner should be understanding and considerate of the fact that penetration is a physically painful experience initially and they should do whatever they can to make it less so.

that said, penetration SHOULD NOT HURT after the first few times, it SHOULD feel good. you dont have to be waxed bare down there or anything, obviously its nice to be groomed but its okay to have a little hair (or a full bush, thats up to you but i feel like first impressions matter so i like to keep it trimmed hehe, ik a lot of feminists are going to be like 😠😠no i wont shave for a man😠😠 but honestly he's shaving his balls for me and id feel a bit awkward if he was veryyy hairy down there so i get it and dont mind grooming in return<33)

sex should be enjoyable for both parties??? and remember real life is not porn!! he's not going to last for 6 hours and neither do you want him to because being pounded into for more than like 10 mins is annoying tbh and you'd just wish he'd come asap ,,, remember that sex is like physical exercise so u get tired after a while,, the whole "fuck all night" stuff is rare and mostly happens in movies lmao,, as long as you have time with them, you can go multiple rounds but feeling tired is real asf

ALWAYS USE PROTECTION, they might try to pull the "my dick is too big for these local condoms/it doesnt feel good with condoms" etc excuses BUT TRUST ME THOSE ARE LIES,, just USE PROTECTION

in india, we have something called an "i-pill" (morning after pill for non desis) and its less than 100 bucks at the medical store. no one will ask you anything for getting it, they usually dont care so dont hesitate!!! its better if the guy can get it for you and if your guy wont even buy you an i-pill then should you even be having sex with him????

there are side effects to taking the i-pill, your period may be late/have heavy flow/irregular bleeding, or you can experience nausea/dizziness etc after taking it. thankfully i have no symptoms and it feels normal ish but exercise CAUTION!!!

put a pillow under your back when you have sex, it helps make it hurt less!! bc your back is supported.

always clean up after you have sex!! go take a shower, gargle your mouth, make sure you dont have any of his cum near your kitty because semen will find its way inside you in mysterious ways 💀💀

STAY SAFE, HAVE FUN <333

AYYYYY 😭😭😭idk about husband stuff yet but I do hope my future husband is just as attentive, caring, considerate, loving, warm and kind as him

but u are soooo sweet MWAH MWAH

love,

Heaven

[k0yaz]

Alright, how about some DRV3 smut/light-fluff headcanons for Kaede, Miu, and Tsumugi (separately) having a mutual masturbation session with their male s/o

drv3 mutual masturbation hcs

Pairings: kaede akamatsu, miu iruma, tsumugi shirogane x male!reader

CW: nsfw, amab reader, mutual masturbation (OBVIOUSLY), miu iruma (yes, she is a content warning atp.), FREAKY ASS SHIIII, very heavy nsfw like very, inventions for horny purposes, passing out, praise

A/N: IM GONNA BE SO FR I WAS SCARED TO WRITE THIS BC I THOOGHT ID FUCK IT UP BUT IM NOT A PUSSY SO YAYAYSYS

At first, Kaede would be slightly nervous to indulge in something like this with you. Mostly embarrassed.

You’d have to reassure her that you wouldn’t judge and that the two of you were just experimenting. You let her know that she didn’t have to do this if she didn’t want. Eventually, she works up the courage to agree doing this with you.

During these sessions, Kaede enjoys it when the two of you face each other. There was something intimate about way both of you heaved heavy breaths while pleasuring yourselves. It usually brought the feeling that the two of you were doing this to each other instead.

Her breaths slow and labored as her hand dips between her parted thighs, circling her clit slowly. Kaede’s head is slightly tilted back as she squeezes her eyes shut, beads of sweat piling against her forehead.

If you gently gesture her to open her eyes, they’d soften slightly upon seeing your own heavy lidded expression as your hand pumped your cock.

Often times, her eyes would dart between your legs to help herself out.

She’s the type to ask you if the two of you could finish at the same time, holding herself back if you weren’t about to come just yet.

When you two are done, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE praise her and tell her she did good

Cuddle my sweet girl or smth please ‼️

On the other hand, Miu is absolutely bratty and insufferable during your sesh.

Constant. CONSTANT teasing when you bring it up.

Or maybe she’d bring it up first. This woman’s a freak fr so we’d never know who asked first.

Well obviously she’d agree almost immediately

Would definitely try and bring one of her inventions into bed. Probably an abnormally fast mechanical cockring to help you get off. Or maybe even an…oddly shaped vibrator (COUGH COUGH THAT ONE SPRITE OF HER.)

Once you two are finally in bed, Miu is absolutely a moaning mess, it almost sounds fake. She’d sneak glances at you as she’s fingers deep inside her own cunt, and snap at you if your eyes are closed—insisting that you have the honor of looking at her “goddess body.”

Any position is good with her, but on the condition that you have to have a perfect view of her legs parted and her sopping pussy.

She ends up bringing atleast one of her inventions regardless of what you say.

Definitely contemplating reaching over and jacking you off herself once you start getting tired, but held herself back.

Does not stop after just one orgasm. Makes you go for atleast 3-4 rounds of getting yourself off. This freak is drooling while you do this too.

After she’s done…you have to cuddle her cause she’s passed out from the fact that she brought her own demise with her inventions.

Miu is such an ass tho I love her sm

Surprisingly, Tsumugi is the most “unsure in how she’s doing” one?? Like more than Kaede- Okay that might have been a shitty headcanon but that’s how I feel so ha

I genuinely think this woman can’t do a full masturbation sesh yk? I’ll elaborate what that means later but she doesn’t hesitate or contemplate further on it when you ask. In fact, I feel like she COULD bring it up herself, but not likely.

Strangely enough, she’d sit between your legs facing away, so that her back is flush against your chest. It provides a strange sense of security to her.

She’d sigh softly as she noticed your hand stroking your own cock in the corner of her eye as she slipped her middle finger into her pussy, eyes heavy lidded and mouth hung open.

She would grind her hips back to meet yours, hoping for a feel of your dick as she fingered herself. You on the other hand can’t help yourself, and buck your hips forward as your hand works along your cock.

As your tip brushes against her back, she’d breathe out shakily out of enjoyment.

Remember when I said she couldn’t do a full masturbation sesh? Well that’s cause you two end up having full on sex. She ends up not being able to hold back and straddles your waist, slipping herself onto your cock.

After you two are done, she falls asleep on your chest, breathing ragged and uneven.

Hey bonus points if she keeps her glasses on lol

A/N: mr requester person don’t get mad if I admit this and I mean no shade towards the request but if I’m being fr I didn’t enjoy writing this request as much but I don’t hate it like I was okay with writing it but I didn’t enjoy it iykwim sorry 😞😞

But there’s nothing wrong with this req so no worries it just felt weird to write cause yk I’m a skittle squad member so writing for male reader especially smut is awkward 😭😭

OK HAVE A GOOD DAYYY HOPE U LIKED IT

[plutoons]

Can you do a tutorial on how your art process is done I’m about to quit on Art everything I make fucking sucks .

hey anon !! My art process is almost non existent cause i haven’t been able to stick to One definitive way and i don’t want to cause i think its limiting. I still have a long way to go for improving my skills and learning new things and figuring out different styles !!

Heres a quickk drawing showing what my “main” process is

This is something i generally have stuck to for most of my posted drawings (i can post things specific to some drawings on a separate reblog ^^ im just to lazy to get pictures of em for examples rn)

Doodle !! I cant visualize shit, and usually have a very vague idea of what id like to draw Or just nothing at all. So I doodle messily with expressive gestures till’ i find something that sticks

choose one final concept/sketch and clean it up a lil so i have a way better idea of what im getting myself into

Base colors cause i hate doing lineart. So i just go straight into colors casue its fun and i like fun!! Right on top or on a diff layer it doesnt matter. I color pick with my eyes and put base colors or anything i think it would be cool. No pressure and it can messy cause I’ll clean it up and figure shit out later

fuck around and find out (rendering ig)—> i cant explain it super well or definitively. I just layer and throw colors on top till im satisfied or Done with it. I flip my canvas a bunch or check my values to make sure the results come out to look more coherent regardless of the mess of color

Im just a simple person and cant handle something that requires too many steps or things that havta be done Just right so this works for me atm. This may not be your jam but finding a process in that works for you through trial an error is just a part of art. Do what works for you!! I think experimenting is so important even if it sucks in the end

(more Words / “advice ?” under cut)

I have so many shitty drawings and sketches and even colored things that outweigh the tiny bits of art i decide to show off

I totally get that creating art can get really discouraging at times; not getting the results you want when you want them no matter how much effort you put in just sucks, but it won’t always be that way :] even if it takes you 10 years to find your groove and see improvement or 2 years, it’ll happen. I find that i’ve only improved when i actively didn’t give a fuck about how my art looks and only cared that i was having fun through it all, and thats hard cause perfectionism is a bitch and its hard to get rid of. You could improve with studies and daily practice for sure but moving towards improvement can be as fun and light n breezy as you want to make it, like taking a break to explore different hobbies or changing up mediums or fucking around and experimenting with it can help !!! Allow ur art to be bad; cause fuck it, at least you made something and thats really really cool. Once you cut urself some slack it’ll be easier to improve upon your skillset and slowly but surely get to where you want

Sorry im a bit tired idk if this is coherent so heres a more direct thing i’d like to say:

Maybe ur art isn’t where you want it to be rn and ik it can kill ur motivation to keep going at it (i’ve experienced this feeling a lot and im sure so have many others). But you gotta ease up on urself and stop worrying about results so you can allow yourself to experiment and have fun!! And its hard getting into that mindset but you gotta keep trying and you’ll find it getting easier

[meangirlsautism]

do you have any headcanons for any ships ?? id love to hear them mean girls is like my new obsession

HEHEHE YES!!!!!!!!!!

im just kidding im like the worst person to ask this BUUUUUT i shall conjure something up.. jsut for you... ALSO NEW MEAN GIRLS FAN YAAAY

going throuhg my notes, i made a lil ship headcanons thing on my notes app in april 2020. and all i got around to making was stuff for karen/cady. completely random but ! better than head being completely empty. so i shall reference some of that and make other stuff up on the spot (for that and other pairings). enjoy!

also im like.. super unfamiliar w/ how romantic relationships Are and how human beings function in general so like.. youre fully allowed to view these however you want (platonic, romantic, etc), i just enjoy dynamics and character interactions. i know you specifically asked for ships but ! my lil headcanons will def be more vague, if that makes sense, sorry abt that! still, hope these suffice! if you ever wanted to ask for SPECIFIC pairings too just hmu or send an ask or smth :] (as a disclaimer, im not referencing a specific MG here, im more familiar w/ slash enjoy the musical the most but ! interpret them as any version i suppose)

karen/cady

not really a headcanon but the whole like "i like cady, she's nice to me." i eat that shit up. i love them and their relationship, in like, all adaptations

and specifically for the 2024 movie.. the way karen is the only person to text cady during her suspension... and how she reassures her that thyere still friends.. (similar to the bway version)... UGH!!!!!! love that so much

actually, we should be more insane for cady / the other plastics. both romantically and platonically

anyway, on to the actual hcs

karen rly likes to fidget w/ something so cady always gives her like hand or hair to play with

karen LOOVES cady's freckles. def loves to count / trace them

karen is def a tad confused as to why cady is so patient w/ her, so nice to her, etc. since i feel she's been often ... dismissed her whole life. and treated Not Great due to how she functions

that doesn't rly matter to cady. she constantly reassures karen and is there for her and reminds her that she's more than other people's opinions of her, more than her intelligence, etc. and cady never gets tired of it

cady always listens to whatever karen has to say, even if it's the tiniest, most ridiculous thing

cady helps her w/ school stuff

karen def sits + listens to cady infodump abt the wildlife she observed / learned abt in africa

i can see karen enjoying nature and whatnot. she doesn't necessarily "understand" the science aspect behind it all btu she enjoys it bc :) hehe. animals.

i can see her getting good at like.. identifying species and stuff bc of cady though

karen prob enjoys physical touch and stuff. i dont think cady is opposed to it but she's not like ... used to it much

or i suppose, used to giving it much? she's cool w/ receiving it, and as ive mentioned earlier, karen def likes to be feeling / playing w/ something. its like a fidget / stim for her

anyway autism🤝autism

gretchen/cady

ALSO autism🤝autism

they def love infodumping to each other... abt what exactly? yes

not too sure abt gretchen,still have to come up w/ special interests and whatnot fo rher but. cady its def like. math. and biology and zoology and shit

gretchen has sort of been told and taught that her input isnt needed or appreciated, so near the beginning of w/e relationship they have, she often kept to herself and didn't ramble as much

cady ofc noticed this, and tried her best to like.. encourage gretchen and whatnot

but, at the same time, she understood why she wouldnt open up RIGHT away yk. she understood that these things take time

once again, cady often reassures her, abt different things than w/ karen ofc but, its still reassurance

gretchen obv becomes like .. SUPER attached to ppl who pay attention to her and whatnot. even if the overall situation is shitty

at some point, she probably just thought she didn't deserve anything more. that what she got was the best she was going to get. and so, she felt she couldn't leave and find something better for herself

anyway. of course in canon (esp in the bway version) cady also wasnt the greatest / most understanding towards gretchen blah blah. whatever .

deep down we KNOW that cady is a kind and caring and nice person. she just wants to be well liked

whatever!!!!! cady shows gretchen what love and care TRULY feels like . and i think after some time the codependency on gretchen's end lessens a bit. esp after she realizes that . oh... this is what ive always deserved. and needed. and she understands that she's not expendable, that cady DOESN'T actually secretly hate her. that cady WON'T just throw her away if the opportunity comes

i think gretchen would chill out a bit if she's just shown true love and compassion im serious. and maybe some medication would help too

gretchen def likes / wants cady to be touching her at like.. all times. hand holding mostly, but stuff along the lines of that

gretchen is like .. weird w/ touch i think. considers it sacred, and yet craves it sooo bad

she probably only rly allows it w/ ppl she REALLY trusts . despite being very touch starved

both sooooo awkward lbr

ESP w/ deeper relationships

cady is just.. obv was homeschooled for most of her life. gretchen is just a ball of anxiety

also, based on gretchen's past experiences, her relationships (both romantic and platonic) havent been ........ the greatest, as ive talked abt before, and so she finally finds someone who like.. she's comfortable with? who she knows will Love her? she's extra awkward fr

doesn't want to mess up, lose them, etc etc

regina/cady

a loooong time ago i think, i saw a headcanon talking abt how regina has freckles. but she just covers them up

and i LOOOOVE that thought soooo mcuh

eventually wrote a little messy thing for it

but anyway. cady finds this out eventually and she is so :D

bc i see cady as having a ton of freckles too and yeah

but yeah. cady finds this out and is SO happy bc regina's sort of look like hers and ough

cady likes to compare them to like.. constellations and stars and shit. esp when regina complains abt them / is openly negative abt them

regina doesn't necessarily like her freckles bc its an imperfection in her eyes i suppose

but cady absolutely changes her mind on them

in fact, i bet they start reminding her of cady

she goes about it so nonchalantly but, some days she "forgets" to put on makeup . not just for cady or anything, nooo way

which is saying something for regina bc you just knoooow she barely leaves the house without applying SOMETHING

(i dont have freckles myself so sorry if this sounds ignorant or smth!)

cady is ..... very awkward . i think . esp w/ relationships, ANY relationship at that

regina should know this (she doesn't)

she lowkey expects these special things and whatnot from cady and cady is just :)?

bc she does NOT know what the hell is going on

most times, anyway. i t hink she sort of picks up on shit as she goes through school but like..

that's cause she purposely observes other ppl / couples / friends to see what they do . and then she basically adopts that shit

i started making these and i didnt evne like.. have a set timeline in mind for them. bc realistically a lot of these relationships would not last in canon / post canon. or form at all lbr. but lets pretend. i guess most of these follow canon / is canon compliant. w/ some wishful thinking / AUs. ...IF THAT MAKES SENSE

janis/gretchen

dont rly think theyd be toooo good for each other but. honestly who else here really is LOL most if not all the characters would have a loooot to do introspective wise before actually getting into any relationship BUT . for these few minutes . let us pretend

assuming we're talking abt them in a canon compliant world, they'd..... def have a lot to unpack together. from regina alone esp

i think they'd be able to help each other out w/ that sort of thing

ESP w/ the trauma they got from regina

it just affected them both in veeeery different ways

janis' turned into anger. where gretchen's turned into anxiety

they both realistically would NOT be ready for a romantic relationship, as i mentioned previously

and even something non romantic? i dont think theyd ever be able to form a normal relationship of ANY kind ever again

BUT. but. maybe they see themself in the other . maybe they want to help try and fix the other . bc maybe then it will help fix themself

hopefully that makes sense idk im just saying shit atp

most relationships where the ppl involved r incredibly similar dont end up working but like ..

janis and gretchen arent necessarily similar. they just have similar experiences. which could easily strengthen their relationship

they're fucked up in the same way.. you feel me

ANYWAY

i wrote this idea thing awhile back and its like.. gretchen cutting her hair short and janis seeing this and going ... hm. bc she senses the repressed homosexual or whatever. and she confronts her about it blah blah

anywho. i see gretchen as a lesbian. unsure atm whether shes like.. aware of it or not. ANYway, as we all know, janis is a Professional Lesbian or whatever, so i think janis like... helps her w/ that sort of stuff?

uhhhmmm oh right the hair. i totally see gretchen fucking w/ her hair following the canon events. and ofc i also see janis as someone who has messed w/ her hair a TON...

i think she helps gretchen experiment w/ that. her style too

sort of related.. but janis also def helps gretchen in managing and dealing w/ her anger and shit

bc janis sees that its THERE. its just buried deeeep within her

and gretchen helps janis deal w/ her more ...... softer? emotions

as seen in the musical... janis is NOT afraid to physically express her love. which seems super unlike her and her demeanor, i love it

and once again, gretchen is like ..... she needs this shit or else she will DIE (and yet touch lowkey makes her uncomfortable, depending on her mood and the time)

and so.. perfect pairing. janis isnt afraid to offer her touch.(?) and always provides it when gretchen asks for it (she asks a lot)

regina/gretchen

once again, realistically, this would not happen. esp in a canon world . even if everyone "got better"

however, i loved these 2 for whatever reason when i was younger LMAO

i had a bunch of little things written down for them in my notes but . i do not feel like going through them rn unfortunately. may revisit this at some other point. in order to see exactly what younger me thought of them

unlike gretchen w/ cady... iiii dont think gretchen's clingy-ness / codependency would get much better w/ regina

unless regina like . rly changes herself. if they BOTH rly change themselves

i think they'd both view each other as how they were in the past . regina would see gretchen as this clingy pushover and gretchen would see regina as this passive aggressive ruler . and REALISTICALLY i think they would prevent them from pursuing anything big, ykwim?

like. gretchen still admired regina and she lowkey HATED herself for that but its like.. as ive talked abt previously, shes probably not gonna get anything better yk? so she stayed w/ regina

ANYWAY. ENOUHG OF THAT SORRY

honestly? in an "everything is perfect and happy" world , i think theyd both be clingy af LOL

regina would, like, never admit but like.. shes super clingy

i think their relationships w/ touch are very ... unique

ive talked abt gretchen a bunch w/ touch and shit but regina... i dont know

she's def okay w/ it .. in terms of being on the receiving end but .. im not sure if she rly provides it much

shes def shit at recognizing and managing her emotions.. esp the more positive ones.. so i think she like. i think shes weird w/ providing affection

and i suppose receiving it too sometimes, esp if its from someone she REALLY likes

but yeah.. they're both weird w/ touch IDK hopefully this makes sense!!!!

i think gretchen is very patient w/ regina... and regina tries to be w/ gretchen, but fails most times (she's trying)

regina finds it like. embarrassing to ask for stuff (ESP affection) but.. she does learn that it is Okay eventually

and gretchen, unfortunately, is very awkward when it comes to this shit!

ESP since its w/ REGINA GEORGE

so she lowkey like.. freaks out when first asked to do ANYTHING towards her

regina tries her best to calm her down but shes shit at emotions and . yeah .

(its ok they got throuhg it) (i think)

gretchen/karen

won't lie rn. dont rly care for them much. def prefer other non romantic relationships for them

buuuut since im doing stuff for NOT just romantic relationships... i shall say a few things

as ive talked abt in previous gretchen pairings / duos... she just needs someone who'll love and appreciate her for who she is

and i dont doubt that karen would provide. she def would

they def have an interesting and fun bond, esp throughout the whole regina thing, throughout their friendship w/ regina as a whole, etc

anywho. krystina alabado once put on her story abt this like.. cactus that was in the dressing room she shared w/ kate rockwell. turns out it was fake. and kate watered it for a full 2 years

anyway thats a total gretchen and karen situation LOL

(gretchen acts liike she wasn't watering it too. she absolutely was)

karen and gretchen def buy a bunch of lil succulents and take care of them together

gretchen def feels super comfortable w/ karen, more comfortable than w/ most people

so that sort of made like .. getting a deeper relationship w/ her a lot easier

once again, gretchen is fs a lot more awkward when they take things farther in regards to their relationship

and karen has NO idea what the hell gretchen is on about

but she tries to remain as comfortable and supportive as possible

gretchen touch starved... karen touch provider... its perfect

gretchen def isnt afraid to ask for stuff from karen. she has to be a lot more precise and direct but . yeah

okay.. sorry that most of these aren't "shippy" but. hopefully theyre okay! i left out a few potential pairings bc i either 1. dont care for them much or 2. dont have much to say. HOWEVER if you still want to hear abt one i did not talk abt here, just lmk :3 i will come up w/ something.. thank u for sending this in :D

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i have to do i fucking presentation on my bad fucking henry ford essay (way too much info i already knew all that shit) and im not doing that shit fuck no because my goddamn voice is too high and people will laugh and fucking not shut up bc why is a girl called evan and and i cant even play my trumpet for a playing quiz what makes you think my fucking voice will work fucks sake im never going to need to know how to speak in front of a bunch of bitchy middle schoolers who will do nothing but laugh at my fucking appearance and voice i fucking hate school this shit is what made me relapse last time im going to fucking skip idc if i fucking fail i already am fuck you if you think im just okay with this dumbass shit

the suicide rates were so high yoiu put the fucking prevention hotline number on the back of every school issued id and you claim to want to help us then maybe make the goddamn curriculum more flexible i mean god fucking damn its like kids dont have fucking anxiety that nobody believes is real fuck off with your bullshit about caring about us you just want good test scores and good sports players shit like this is why i want to fucking kms

oh and god forbid i express these feelings in any way to trusted staff. they'll send me to counselling who will immediately call my parents which will get my phone taken because its obviously the goddamn phone making me feel this way. even if i tell them to not call my parents they will. and then my mom will go through my texts because shes worried about me and she'll cry and make me feel like shit when she was the one who started this. she'll find out everything. she'll take my binders away because i wear them too long and she'll never let me see friends again adn i'll be homeschooled again bc obviously school is too much.

she'll try to make me talk to her then she'll get mad and cry and yell when i try to say nothings wrong. she fucking hates me anyways. her backup child is fucking failing even though she was the firstborn. she knows her first daughter was the only chance she had at having a successful child because the other one has a shitty attention span and cant fucking spell anything. her baby girl is a fucking failure and she cant fucking accept im not her fucking baby girl anymore.

clearly i dont know what tired feels like. i sleep so much, why am i still tired? must be faking it. i dont know what depression is and i dont know what pain is. i dont know what anxiety is because i just want attention. she cant fucking accept the fact i'm clearly not neurotypical because i fucking have to be or she'll lose all goddamn hope she doesnt have for me.

nobody thinks somethings wrong and i fucking hate it. im the liar because "youre always so happy"

why would someone my age want to die?

fuck off.

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

.

[typekiku]

TSUKIHIME FASHION REVIEW 2!!

HELLO EVERYONE!!

it is i your epic and incredible kiku

patiently waits for applause

well damn ok no applause...

MOVING ON... considering im just screaming into the void who cares for applause anyways RIGHT?

so this is more of me ranting about the designs of the characters from the single greatest media franchise since barney that is tsukihime. lets get right into it with the man the legend the GOAT the weirdo our beloved...

SHIKI TOHNO

this man saw a bad bitch like arcueid and dressed up like this holy shit.

like lets think about this for a second

he saw ARCUEID

ARCUEID BRUNESTUD

and dressed up like that?

is he not ashamed?

if it was me id be dressing up like im the king of england (forgive me for mentioning engl*nd) but no this boy wore that shirt

a thousand curses on shiki tohno

this is his normal getup and it aint too bad tbh. in fact i lowkey fuck with it. i may even find this good looking (random fun fact: this is the first time we ever see shiki and its not even in the original vn its from plus disc)

i get hes a student but why the fuck are you dressed up like that in evening anyways actually wtf.

his taste in fashion is really questionable even more so then the GODDESS arcueid

now THIS is what i want even if i can still see that abomination of a shirt

the apron with mushroom man himself making an appearance is cute but more importantly theres a certain GODDESS arcueid who is my wife (dont correct me on this matter i have proof) in this picture which drives up his rizz by 100 points

and hes serving food like any good servant servant should...

goddamn arcueid is cute... good on her! good on her.

um what were we talking about?

ok onto the remake shiki because im SICK of og designs and seriously missing my wife arcueid

ok this like most remake (re)designs actually looks really good i cant lie. he doesnt have that godawful abysmal shitty trash ugly painful terrible demonic shirt

THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THI-

sorry i cant help it. i live in fear of it. i mourn my innocence i lost upon sight of this THING. how dare you takeuchi for invading my eyesight with this thing. he also designed arcueid tho so i guess it all evens out

look at this world that could've been... a peaceful world.. a complete world....

Arcueid receiving a variety of incredibly beautiful dresses while shiki receives... jacket and jacket and uh jacket i mean they really couldve had everything.

ok he did get another jacket in the series im sorry i stand corrected but i really like the black shirt!! thats an upgrade and a HALF

yay shiki

seriously i miss arcueid

anyways this is where ill stop befor-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

ok enough im sick and tired of the visual abuse

anyways its time for me to go and play tunguska so i can kick koyanskayas incredibly alluring ass. feel free to uh do whatever ig

[floralkittygambler]

Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit

Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.

Contents (in no particular order):

Current Situation

Relationships in the fandom

Why I started this Blog

Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts

the fans

future thoughts and moving on

accountability

If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.

Why I started this blog

Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.

Vivzie, co, all that

I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.

So to skim through a few. Lets go.

Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.

You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.

Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.

Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.

Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.

I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.

Fandom

And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.

Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.

I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.

Friendships

Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.

There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.

To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.

To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.

I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.

My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.

Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.

Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.

Current and future

I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.

Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.

Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.

Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.

[unhinged-f1-confessions]

more of a rant than a confession so srry in advance ig?

i'm just really tired of how parasocial everyone online is. like we should hold drivers accountable for shitty things they say if its like,,, morally bad?? like being racist or the like. but i don't understand why fans are attacking lando for saying a spin was vettel when he meant it as a joke and we dont know how close the two of them are??? and maybe thats just bc im a fan of lando but a lot of people are getting UNREASONABLY mad over his comment. and id understand fans being like, woah thats a bit harsh or not finding it funny but theyre sending him death threats??? and sending threats to his fans as well??? also the whole dotd thing was probably just lando making light of the sc thing (possibly) costing him a win? and the way people r attacking him over his spelling (regardless of whether he actually has dislexia or not) is really stupid? theyve gone so far as to call him stupid bc he didnt take hs exams but also he started getting home schooled before that and his tutor(s?) said he studied really hard even if he couldve made excuses so its just??? idk i think i might be too emotional and prob v biased but its just shitty??

and overall fans are becoming so parasocial esp w wags and the way they mob the drivers even if theyre just getting out of their cars which is so stupid. ive seen a video going around w a close up of lando and 1) everyone is freaking out his jawline which ok. i understand. but maybe dont do it where hes likely to see it? even if he doesnt use twitter much? 2) how close do you have to be to get that good of a shot?? like the fans get unreasonably close and idk it feels shitty to me 3) everyone is mainly freaking out over jaw twitching which. sure yeah thats hot. but also means hes clearly annoyed?? maybe give him space?? idk

and obv its not just lando that is getting this treatment but hes just the one that i can remeber the most of off the top of my head

sorry for how long it is admin, theres no way for me to make a drop down thing as an anon but if you copy/paste it and post that maybe itd work?? or u could not post this obv. srry for the long rant 🫠

.

[dearreader]

so i’ve been thinking this over since i watched the new episodes drop for daisy jones and while i am okay with the show not being faithful to the book as things work on the page but not on the screen, im really pissed about billy and camila. like there’s no point to this besides me ranting about how they ruined the characters so much.

cause here’s the thing, in the show they’ve drastically altered billy into being more controlling and manipulative at times (getting daisy to sing the song by kissing her when she asks if there’s anything between them only for the song itself “you’d be more fun to kiss/than to be with”) and while he his definitely those things in the book it’s more so toned down or feels different because HE ID A FAMILY MAN. like the show has me being a shitty husband and dad when in the book after he got out of rehab he cleaned up his act fast. he even told camila that he would leave music for her, his passion, cause he wanted to make it up to her for all that he did. when they’re first dating he’d call her any chance he got even if it was collect just to say “billy dunne loves camila alvarez” (that’s the last name in the show and i’m too tired to grab my book). like even graham says the reason why billy cheated on the first tour was fear of his expectations of being a shitty father like his and that pressure drove him to do what he did. but when he gets out he makes up up to camila anyway he can. he does everything he can to prove he’s worthy of her only for her to say he’s already worthy. AND CAMILA FORGIVES HIM. like she’s angry, obviously, but in the book she just has an idea of a life with billy and tells him he won’t ruin it. so she forgives him, she lets him love his life cause he knows he never wants to make that mistake again and she loves and trusts him. like in the book he tries to bring camila in at every opportunity cause he wants her their as much as possible because even he says “he traded one addiction for another”. so he isn’t hiding the songs from her, she’s actively apart of it and is okay with the songs because she trusts him and billy keeps saying it’s all a metaphor for drugs “cause you can hide anything in a love song”.

which then brings me to daisy. the thing that makes me most upset about them changing a very beautiful and trusting relationship of a man grappling with being a father and his addiction is that he’s being slowly tempted by daisy, not even to her knowledge. like camila is soberitu out and daisy is drugs. everyone described daisy as “if she’s having fun your having fun”, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t hate her cause she was just so amazing, and how she’s always on something, she hasn’t been herself since she was 15 and only knows the drug addicted alcholic. SHE IS WHAT BILLY NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM. he’s clean, he’s recovered, but yet he still gets urges and has to fight them cause addiction is a disease and it’s a constant struggle day and night and it’s oh so much harder when the impossible woman is dancing outside your view and she’s a metaphor for all the things you can’t have!

and this hurts especially when at the end of the novel we literally see billy with a glass in his hand trying to pour the liquor in his mouth but being unable to because of his family. because he loves them and knows it’s what he has to do. all while camila is being level headed and having a jolene moment to daisy that she needs to leave billy alone. like she’s terrified of losing billy to her but camila doesn’t take it out in a angry “you bitch! stay away from my man!” but instead as two woman, one whose trying to find some stability in life and sees all that she needs in billy and vice versa and the other as someone trying to keep her family together cause she loves being a mom and having a family and doesn’t want that destroyed by billy’s addiction.

like it’s such a beautiful moment and it’s truly this pinnacle of how well written and planned her character is cause most woman couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. but camila knew what she was worth but also knew daisy was too. and even in that conversation camila encourages her to find a life of her own cause it’s still so young AND SHE DOES and even daisy thanks her! and after camila dies she tells her daughters to wait a bit before giving their dad daisys number because camila just wants him to be happy and even ends it cheekily of “they owe me a song”!

like that’s so beautiful and poetic. but in the show we just see them constantly fighting and being upset because of the tension with his addiction and cheating; which while valid CHANGES EVERYTHIBG. instead of having a wife demand her husband pick himself up to be the man she needs she’s fighting him for the man he wasn’t then. but you can’t even fault her cause while book billy was willing to help be a father and help camila during any point he had free time and would even rush home after bad things to remember what was important, she’s left with this man who is nothing like that. he’s barley their and camila us so tired she (possibly) cheats on him with eddie just so she can have her own secret.

like i’m not faulting either of this but changing their relationship ever so slightly has this drastic affect on the full story and what it’s trying to say.

anyway, rant over. i like the show but i’m just annoyed

[despite-everything]

im sitting outside my partners apartment in my car and honestly i shouldnt have come. im pretty upset (with both of them, but one in particular) because of some shit and id been debating not coming down to see them (i live an hour away... i have a thing in this town tomorrow night, so rather than just driving down for that i was coming today so i could spend the night with my partners and enjoy time with them) and i convinced myself to visit anyway and i shouldnt have. if i didnt have to be in this town tomorrow id actually just turn around and drive back home. i thought itd be best if i still came because id be embarrassed to tell my dad (who i live with) why plans changed and im tired of lying about shit like this. i need to talk to my partners aboutthis because if nothing changes i will break up with them - i understand that these problems that are arising are due in part to mental illness, but its not fair to expect me to just have to adapt to shitty treatment because of it. we're all fucking mentally ill and if they can't improve their behavior after months of promising to them im just fucking done. this has happened to me so many times before in friendships and relationships and its fucking embarrassing!! if i was anyone else i'd be saying to break up immediately but i don't want to.

im just fucking venting here but i dont know who to even talk to about this other than my partners and while that's going to happen eventually im just like... im fucking upset. every few weeks, i drive for more than an hour each way to visit people who live in a town i used to live in. they rarely come see me. i spend money on food and gas when i do this and have to account for it in my monthly budgeting. i stay with people who say they have no plans and want to prioritize us spending time together, but when i get there, they almost always have made separate plans while i'm there that i am not part of, and rarely give me a warning so that i can adjust my schedule or make other plans of my own. i mention that this is an issue, they promise to do better, then they dont. i adjust to texting a few days in advance to check their schedule, and despite doing so,they consistently make or have "forgotten" other scheduling conflicts that they bring up either the night before i drive to visit or when i arrive. thats the scenario, right? this has happened to me before. last time, it was with my high school friends who continued to string me along until i decided that it hurt too much and i slowly backed out of the friendships. no one has reached out since. this time, it's my fucking partners. the main difference is that i have a key to my partners apartment, meaning im not stuck in my car/in parks when they're busy. but thats just so fucked up. especially since my partners used to encourage me to step back from my old friends who were hurting me this way.

im just venting so i can get some of this shit off my chest before i go inside. to my knowledge, one of my partners is inside napping, while the other is in some meeting they didnt tell me about until last night. i dont even know what the fucking meeting is about or where it is.

i dont want to go inside because... what? am i supposed to pretend everything is fine and hide my feelings so they dont feel guilty? thats not fucking fair. if i let my upset show, they're going to act like kicked puppies and im going to feel fucking awkward because i dont want excuses and i dont want groveling or a hundred "im sorrys". i dont want that. i want their fucking behavior to change.