#this intro has taken me three days and for WHAT

[warystares]

FULL NAME mikaere ezra kahn NICKNAME(S) mika GENDER / PRONOUNS genderfluid / he + they AGE/ BIRTHDAY fifty / january 31st OCCUPATION retired hitman / owner of cabinet of curiosities AFFILIATION / ROLE unaffiliated ORIENTATION / STATUS pansexual / single STRENGTHS unconventional + persuasive + intelligent WEAKNESSES cruel + temperamental + greedy

HISTORY.

trigger warning for mild gore + child neglect + child death !

so, the fuckin' WORLD, huh ? that's a rough one, innit ? pretty dark place. arguably kind of scary, too. NOT FOR MIKAERE KAHN, THOUGH ! no, 'course not. they've always been one of the fuckers making the place SCARY for everyone else ! well, not a l w a y s. they've been a young lad once, too. many moons ago. not so scary then, if only on account of their small stature. but trust what they lack in height — at least in their early years, until they shoot up nearly a foot one summer just before their teens — mika makes up for in PISS & VINEGAR. ( and they're still full of it to this day, matter of fact ! ) a grubby little street rat's what they were, a no good pest made to be by FATE and her fickle hand ! no home , no family , no prospects. no, mika is raised by the STREETS, by the ( not always so ) kind strangers that inhabit them. they learn how to fight, how to SURVIVE ― which dumpsters are safe to scavenge for your next meal and which ones will get you SHOT before you can even make it your last ; how to protect what's yours and ensure no one else tries to FUCK AROUND and has to FIND OUT.

with an upbringing akin to that of a FERAL animal, it's truly no wonder mika grows up quite so DANGEROUS. but for all his rough edges, the first time he TAKES A LIFE is an accident. he doesn't m e a n to ! it's self-defense, and though he'd never admit it aloud, with the sharp silver of a stranger's blade pressed to his throat, mikaere feels FEAR for the first time. he's only fifteen years old and not ready to DIE. not here, anyway, not in the corner of some stinking, piss-soaked alley where the RATS will find him before anyone else does. so he doesn't. mikaere kahn is not fuckin' rat food. ( though if they operate on an eye for an eye, mika owes more than a pound of flesh for the vermin he's scavenged into meals of desperation. ) the coat he lifts off the man who'd come at him, the sad sack of meat crumpled in a heap on the street, it's still WARM when he puts it on. it's a warmth mika's never felt before, not truly, but it's one they will continue to seek for years to come.

with these years ( and a smattering of several more close calls ! ) comes a stark realization for the muddy, mop-headed urchin : it wasn't about the coat. of course it was never about the BLOODY COAT ! that scrap of fabric wasn't what made them feel good, was it ? the sooner they learn this, the better ; what was once an act of DEFENSE becomes one of DEFIANCE. ( against what, mikaere isn't entirely sure ― against the parents who couldn't be bothered to raise them better ? couldn't even be bothered to KEEP them ? or maybe against a society that cast him out to the GUTTERS to fend for himself ? ) and, more than that, it becomes a means to not only their SURVIVAL but their L I F E. at the start of their career, mika is RUTHLESS ― almost IGNORANTLY so, even ; they accept contracts with zero heed and full RECKLESS ABANDON. an entire d e c a d e is lost to a greedy, almost HEDONISTIC addiction to his ❛ career, ❜ to bloody nail beds and nightly BLACKOUTS. ( at least they've somewhere to slink back to now come dawn ! no more curling up under benches, behind dumpsters ! )

the funny thing about MORALS is that, if he's being honest, mika doesn't know how the fuck he managed to develop any or, moreover, where they fucking CAME from. have they just been growing there this whole time, a FUNGUS filling up his chest cavity with SENTIMENTAL ROT ? has he simply not noticed ? mikaere accepts another contract. he is thirty-five years old ; the sheen of a blade that has taken HUNDREDS of lives reflects the eyes of a person MUCH OLDER every time it is unsheathed, though the same familiar crooked smile remains. but he doesn't use the blade this time, does he ? no. no, this time he uses a GUN. and let it be known that mika has NEVER enjoyed using a gun. not once. it's impersonal, SAVAGE. but he's BORED, thinks that maybe he can scrounge up a little excitement if he flips the script and tries something DIFFERENT. turns out, that was a mistake. all of it, the whole damn thing ― just one BIG FUCKING MISTAKE !

if he'd known the target was only FIFTEEN years old, mika never would have taken the contract. if he'd gotten close enough ― FUCK, if he'd just been near enough to catch a glimpse of the kid's face, he wouldn't have ― LOOK, it's an unspoken fucking rule, okay ? you don't kill kids. YOU DON'T KILL KIDS. doesn't matter what they did, who they're related to. none of it. and the only reason it's unspoken to begin with is because it shouldn't even HAVE to be said. but he didn't know, did he ? and he didn't get close enough because for some fucking reason mika chose to use a GUN. maybe it's a long time coming. maybe not. the only thing mika knows for certain ? this is their fault. they've gotten lazy, lackadaisy. it was on them to know their mark, to do their RESEARCH and they didn't. they killed a kid. no, they'll take it back, actually, there's two things of which they're UNWAVERINGLY sure. and the second, perhaps most emphatically : it's time for mika to get the FUCK out of this game. N O W .

so he does. and to be fair, it's not actually as DIFFICULT as he'd expected. two decades of lucrative work means he's got a fairly sizeable read : pretty fuckin' FAT ) nest egg he's been sitting on. SLEEPING ON, actually ― it's just CASH in a MATTRESS. tonnes of it, though ! enough that the thing's actually rather lumpy, not much good for a sleep anymore. the only logical thing's to SPEND it, right ? mika finds a small, vacant storefront on the outskirts of the BRONX ― but small's not true, as it's deceptively long and S P A C I O U S once you're inside. well, AT FIRST. it doesn't stay that way for very long. the shop quickly becomes haven to nearly all the delightful clutter, the incredible JUNK they've collected over the years, trinkets and gadgets and miscellaneous odds & ends. an ECCENTRIC assortment, but strangely enough, one that seems to suit them. and so, the bronx becomes home to a place of myth and mystery:

THE CABINET OF CURIOSITIES.

fifteen years have passed and mikaere now LIVES in an almost loft-like addition they've built into a corner of the shop so they can stay there FULL-TIME, tinkering and organizing and keeping an eye over their TROVE OF UNUSUAL TREASURES. if there's anything you should need to sell or pawn off ― and truly, mika does mean ANYTHING ― there is no better place to find a deal ! there's not an hour of any day ( or night, especially if you bring them a drink for their troubles ) that you can't drop in.

CONNECTIONS.

to be added soon !

OFFICIAL FILE.

*     ◟    :    〔   taika waititi  ,      genderfluid    +   he + they    〕    mikaere 'mika' ezra kahn , some say you’re a  fifty year old  lost soul among the neon lights. known for being both passionate and  vindictive, one can’t help but think of the westerner by falling in reverse when you walk by. are you still a jack of all trades / retired hitman at the cabinet of curiosities / self-employed, even with your reputation as the the saturnalian ? i think we’ll be seeing more of you and a tailor-fit vintage leather jacket with hand-sewn patches, a heavy pour of dark liquor in a faux crystal wine glass, and a crooked, whisky-soaked grin, although we can’t help but think of lemon ( bullet train ), hans ( seven psychopaths ), and billy butcher ( the boys ) whenever we see you down these rainy streets.   

[auragasmics]

1:32 AM: A LOVE LETTER TO THE PRETTIEST GIRL!

spellbook intro! when Nanami takes a moment to study his wife after a date night, his heart pours out a soliloquy for the ages!

potion ingredients! 4.4k+, pwp(?), wife!reader x husband!nanami kento, fluff+ smut, fingering, clitslapping(1), cunnilingus, explict talk, mating press, grinding, allusions to sex (penetration), self-indulgent to the max ♥︎

note to casters! yeah, this is so indulgent. and i'm sorry i have to say this...p**** is pink :). grab a mirror and check for yourself.

Champagne. 

A drink known to be indulged during the most influential times of human history. It’s a famed tag that runs through nations upon nations, beloved by the heaven blend of Pinot, Meunier, and Chardonnay. It pulls the tongue into an envious ménage-à-trois between the rich taste and the cheeky spry bubbles seething one’s cheeks into a world of heat —all doomed to end once a swallow washes away all the bliss. 

From its days of ruling beside monarchy to its dwindled expression in the modern world, it has yet to lose its class. It still rules amongst those with exquisite, those who can handle the feverish rush of having rapture ruin all composure.  

It’s suitable for a man like Nanami to indulge in such refinement too, just a single sip from the tall slender glass seated beside his plate transports his mind into a place where the weight of a jewel-encrusted crown sits upon his head. And in this universe, he rules over a 64 square meter condo, a beloved lord sleeping in his king-sized bed, and a lawful husband to his queen. 

Another sip reminds him of the gracious air surrounding the night—a date night catered by a meal of shared efforts and a bottle of Nanami’s favorite champagne. It’s sweet like forbidden fruit, the heavenly delight soothing his woes. 

His gentle stare falls onto you, the infamous cinnamon fawning over how red complements your skin in that dress, over your delicate pout—no, obsessing over how your lips nurse the rim of the glass as if it were a kiss. As to how the heavens gifted a man such as he with one of their own angels, it’s a blessing he’s taken without a second thought. 

However, it’s a feeling that even after three years of marriage has yet to subdue. The riveting swell that throws his heart into turmoil whenever you giggle. The wash of goosebumps set to claim his skin when your hand simply grazes against his own. The trance your gentle coos lure him into, just like now.

“Kennnn, Baby? Are you okay?”

Flurries of mindless blinks brings Nanami back into the present, where he’s met with your own stare. Where silence settles comes the bustle of apologies and giggles, Nanami “Hm?—Oh! I’m fine, Honey. I’m so sorry—missed what you said there, can you repeat it?”

“Oh, it’s fine! I was asking what should we do about the dishes? All that cooking and I always seem to forget about cleaning.”

Nanami merely shrugs his shoulder, “I’ll wash them.”

“But aren’t you tired? We could just leave them to soak—”

The rambles of solutions come to a slamming shut as Nanami reaches over to your side of the square dining table, his fingers seamlessly knitting within your own.

“That was a really good steak. The garlic butter we made last weekend was a perfect touch. Oh, and the mashed potatoes, you always outdo yourself, Honey. All I did was peel the potatoes and help sear the steak, the least I can do is clean…right?”

A helpless sigh passes through your glossed lips, “You’re not getting me to agree, y’know. I still say we just go get ready for bed.”

Nanami calls his hand, his energy, even his presence over the table back to his side in trade for the back of his chair for asylum. He gives you a steady stare that pairs all too well with a grin and a pat on his lap. “Come here.”

There’s safety in being wrapped up in Nanami’s arms as you settle in his care, his muscle-ribbed arms thick arms lacing around your waist, his large hands draping off your hip, all while he keeps one leg bouncing to a steady rhythm. 

“Why do you worry your pretty little head off about the fine details, huh? That’s my job.” 

“I know, but…”

Weakness grows in your heart as you look down into his eyes—those tired eyes casted by an ardent glow. Exhaustion still can’t taint his heart, it can’t begin to ruin the tender nature he abides to you. You can’t help but soothe him, your hand racing to cup his cheek, the pad of your thumb skating along the curves of his bottom lip. 

“But you work so hard, Kento. You should come to bed with me, just leave all this for tomorrow.”

But you know him—he can’t leave any job with loose ends. Whether it’s at the office, small repairs around the house, or simply washing dishes, Nanami finds a sense of ease in the natural order of tasks from start to finish. And when some principle challenged his own, he had every reason set and ready to roll for an explanation.

Except for tonight.

Tonight, silence serves as Nanami’s winded explanation—and the kind pecks he pushes back against your touch. 

“Ken?”

“Mhm?”

“Aren’t you going to…say something…or anything?”

Patience gets the better of you as Nanami simply keeps himself entertained with your thumb. His kisses melt into you skin, his soft hums strike every fiber, and each pinch of his lips leaves you dangling at the end of your rope. Nanami stands from the chair, cradling you in his arms. His steps are guided by routine, up the stairs and through the first door to the right, straight into the bedroom.

Nanami drops you on the bed.

You can’t really pinpoint when the plush warmth of your bed welcomed you home, but with Nanami’s thick chest pinning you to the sheets, it’s a quick conclusion you push off rather quickly.

How could you focus on such fine details when he’s lathering the junctures of your collarbone in kisses, trailing back up to your awaiting lips. 

“Sweetheart.”

“Yes, Baby?” 

Nanami gives in to you with a kiss, his lips just barely sinking into yours before he’s hulling himself back onto his feet.

“Go get ready for bed and when you wake up, I’ll be right there next to you.”

Sleep is all Namai intended for you to have, he'd be damned if something so trivial as chores would prevent you from rest. And when Nanami did finish up with the last bowl, sleep fell heavy on his mind all the same.

It weighed heavy on his mind through a hot shower, through his nightly routine, even as he mindlessly slipped into a pair of briefs and beneath the bed sheets.

But…his tired eyes had to land on you—his precious angel.

Oh, his pretty wife who glows underneath the moon’s rays, laid on your side with the blanket tucked up to your chin. He’s eager to join you, sliding himself right beside your body—where nothing but a pair of panties hugs you. 

It certainly doesn’t help how you gravitate to Nanami, even while underneath sleep’s spell. Grinding the thick globes of your ass into his lap—and right where the head of his cock sits snug against the waistband of his briefs.

In a desperate search for a distraction, Nanami cranes his neck to greet the neon red digits bleeding through the face of his bedside clock—where the best joke known to man awaits him.

1:32 AM. 

Just an hour into the new day Nanami is met by pure mockery. Of course, his sweet wife all swept up in sleep makes for an even better punch line—-the growing bulge sinking between your ass. A quiet mind is all he wants, why he’s drowning his mind in those meditative mantras you’ve taught him when work becomes too much all at once.

But it’s a fleeting dream the moment those throbs ripple through the thick veins stretching over his cock. 

“Sweetheart, c’mon…give me a chance at least,” he’s muttering for his ears alone. 

Yet the only chance Nanami knows he has is to follow in your steed and sleep away his impending thoughts. He gently lifts the blanklet up to his shoulder, only for the chilling gush to fan across your body.

“Mmm, ‘m cold, Ken.”

“I know, I know, I’m gonna fix that right away, Sweetheart.”

Sunken beneath the heavy blanket, Nanami carves out every inch of your spine with his chest, slotting himself flush against you. His arms surge to envelop you, giving way for his hand to greedily cup the silky fat of your breast.

For a moment he’s sworn he’s beaten lust curse because well, cradling his sleeping beauty like this, allowing for his body, his warmth to sew his body to your own. 

“How’s that? Feels warmer now, Sweetheart?” His voice gently coos in your ear. 

He doesn’t expect much, a sheepish nod and a mumble thrillingly satisfies Nanami. He can’t explain it, but as he steals a glance over you, he finds his wretched mind delighted by mundane beauty.

A painting is known to capture a moment in time through the perspective of the artist—but what Nanami’s eye beholds before him is too good for any picture, any painting, for every medium of art would fail to capture the radiant glow the moon kisses upon your skin. It would fail to mimic the soft curl of your lips, free from control and lifted behind the pure rapture of your mind. It certainly couldn’t transcribe the very details consumed by Nanami. 

Maybe it’s due to the curse of the night overwhelming Nanami, but he simply can’t be alone right now, not while love has him spiraling down a self-induced hole. He can’t stop himself from taking to your shoulder, granting his lips the tactful satisfaction of littering kisses upon your skin.  

“Honey…are you really asleep?” He pouts, yet he immediately reflects on himself as he swipes yet another look at the clock. “

It’s what…1:40 now, I should be asleep too, however…” 

Breaking his trail of kisses, Nanami softly sighs as he gathers all his wayward thoughts, all for this moment only he’ll hold a record of.

“I can only say this while you sleep. It’s pathetic of me, but I haven’t gotten the confidence to face you as I should. I’m not one for many words, nor do I show all the emotion I hold inside of me. But, I hope that my love for you bleeds through every touch, every stare, every kiss, and every breath. I breathe for you. I live for you. And should it come to pass, I’d kill for you. I’ve never felt more endeared to anyone before but you…You give me all the strength I need to be a better man. I just hope to-"

“...Ken, Honey? Are you on a phone call?”

“Oh um…” His blood’s running cold through every vein in his body. Suddenly, he’s stricken dumb and frozen underneath the weight of speculation. But he is who he is—a calm man with logic on his sleeve. Pushing out a huff through his nose, Nanami finds himself at ease as he peers down at your hazy eyes.

“N-No, no…just…thinking aloud. Go back to sleep, okay?”

You muse him with a passing look over your shoulder. “Thinking aloud, hm? Tell me.”

Before Nanami can conjure up some excuse as his alibi, you’ve already to bury yourself within his chest. Your soft hands buff his nerves down to naught through lazy swipes across his taut pecs. In your care, his heart’s raging scream dwindles down to a tepid thump, his lungs spoiled with fulfilling breaths, and his mind’s calmer than the vast Pacific Ocean—all thanks to you. 

“You…really want to know?” 

“Yup,” your eyes flutter open to hang upon Nanami’s heavy lids. “Tell me anything and everything.”

Giving in, Nanami’s head falls into a gentle tilt, “Do you know how beautiful are you?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“You say it like that, but I don’t know if you really do…”

“You think so highly of me.”

“I have to, you’re the woman I’ve devoted my life to.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Regret?” Nanami has to echo. It’s just one of the words that have escaped his vocabulary in recent years. And a regret in your presence is something he knows he’ll never, ever know again. “Never. And even if I did, I’d do it all again just to be with you.”

Gently you bite into your bottom lip “Do you remember our wedding night?”

“Of course I do. I mean it was such a—-”

“I think tonight’s going to be a repeat of that. Or better.”

As your words break through the air, you’re given the honor of watching Nanami crumble underneath the heat of your advances. Blush breaks across his cheeks, his pupils blown wide by lust’s bite, and right beneath your hand his heart’s back to roaring its spirted song.

“Real—ahem—Really? And why’s that?”

“Welllll…” The soft drag of your coo lures Nanami into hypnosis. “I just think it is, Baby. How’s that sound to you?”

“Go—Good. I can’t ever say—” 

Nanami lets your lips swallow down the last of his words in your kiss. He lets you take his last breath, his last thoughts, and all the sanity he thought he relied upon. In trade of that, he’s given the chance to relinquish all control just to drink in your soft whimpers, to sate his whims with your kiss, to scour your soft skin with his rough hands. 

Reality sets in hard and heavy for Nanami. To think, just moments ago he was too absorbed in admiring you—his wife, his lady, his precious angel tucked beside him like any other night.

His precious angel who wears sleep with a plump pout and soft snores.

His precious angel clutching at the thick pillow beneath your head.

His precious angel who has sin creeping along your curves and slipping beneath a pair of lacy red panties.

“Mmm…Ken…” your voice quietly breaks against his puffy lips. Your hips flirt with Nanami’s feathering touch, winding along to his shy caress. “Hmph…right…right there…”

“Yeah?” He allows for a lone digit to greet your dormant clit, the warmth of his touch gently thumbing circles into your bundle of nerves. “It’s riiiight here, isn’t it pretty girl?”

He plays coy, letting honey drip from his lips and into your ear. “Tell me so I can make everything better, Sweetheart.”

“Fuck, Ken please—Harder, baby, Harder!”

Dumbfounded. A dumbfounded gawk is all Nanami can muster towards you—until the ends of his mouth curl up into a grin he buries along the pulse of your throat.

“Harder?” He mocks with a hiked brow. “I don’t think you can take that, Honey. No…but…since you asked so nicely…”

SLAP!

The loud clash of Nanami's palm against your splayed cunt rings in silence over the room, serving as the perfect beat for your body to comprehend the brash course your husband's veered the night into.

“Oh–Fuck!” Tossing your head back between your shoulders, you mewl as the heavy chimes around the room. “T-that’s too much, Ken!”

Nanami hides his chuckle behind a kiss he presses to your temple. “I Promise that’s the last time tonight.” His sights slip down between your legs, watching as his fingers work to soothe your poor clit from his torture. 

He feathers down to your slit, the tight pink ring suckling to Nanami’s familiar touch. His intentions you know are pure, even amidst such lust staining the air. He’s so gentle with you, having his digits complement the perky bud of your clit with sluggish strokes, teasing your hole with the sticky circles he draws. 

All for his digits to fall victim to your pussy.

“Oh, such a greedy baby,” Nanami gasps. He’s forced to ignore the heavy stains of precum ruining his briefs, but he simply can’t let you have your way. It’s enough that he’s curling those slender fingers within your heat, strumming along the gummy walls he’s planning on staining white.  “You can’t take me just playing with you, you need so much more.”

A slight curl to your lips spites him. “I guess you know me well, Honey. Your fault for spoiling me.”

“And? You know I don’t regret a moment of it.”

He’s so sweet with you, peppering kisses along your cheeks, filling your mind with saccharine hymns. Yet he’s incessant with his reach, sending his digits to know every inch of your pussy with each strike he drills into your sweet spot.

It's just like Nanami, once he’s found a goal, he’ll work and work until the logic runs dry in his mind. He’ll work a hellish job for the trade of money, he’ll risk his life for the trade of saving others, and he’ll work his hand to the raw nerve to turn your pussy into a sputtering mess. 

“Good girl, you’re making me so proud, Baby,” Nanami coos, his eyes glued between your twitching legs. “Oh, I wish you could see what I do.”

“A-and w..wha-at’s that?” 

Your stumbling words earn an esteemed chuckle from Nanami. “Well…I could always just describe it to you…But there’s something I need to do first...”

It isn’t like him to keep you puzzled, especially with words nonetheless. But Nanami’s a man of action, letting his body move to support his cause. His cause for tonight, however, called for his body to slip away from your warmth all for him to be planked between your thighs and his hands kneading at your plushy skin. 

“That’s even better. Now, where do I even begin…”

His thumb comes to peck at your bud, lazily scrolling at the perky pearl in swipes. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, counting the minutes until I’m back at your side…back between your legs…back to having this pussy drip bliss back into my poor soul.”

It isn’t enough to have you laid out on a silver platter where his tongue can lather at your honey for hours—Nanami needs you to know just how deep his depravity lies. He slowly drags his tongue to wet his plump lips, soothing the ravenous urge that boils to the forefront of his mind with dumb babbles. 

“Just so…pretty…and pink. So sweet, so soft. Honey, I can’t go a day without you, you’re my lifeline, every beat of my heart. I just…”

His touch gets the better of his coherency. He knows better than to find focus elsewhere when speaking, but in truth, Nanami did not—he should not have caught your slicked hole fluttering at the sound of his soliloquy. 

“Oh…Fuck me…”

He wants to be kind, he wants to be sweet, and Nanami wants to embody the very traits he’s fallen in love with.

But he can’t.

Nanami can’t play the nice guy when he greedily welcomes your pussy back into his salacious mouth with a gracious sigh, his jaw hungrily working to force that poor button into a pudgy bloat.

Cunnilingus. It’s an art he’s swiftly mastered after three years of marriage, learning every inch of your body like your own. He knows where exactly his tongue should flit, where his finger curls the best, and even how long it should take for your body to shatter at his hands.

But it’s an effortless art when mastered behind love, and it steals Nanami’s breath away every time he catches his breath. 

“Fuck,” his curse breaks through the air. His hands knead at the silky plush hidden underneath your thigh, leaving every curve of his fingerprint to sear into you—-to mark you as his own. He’s eager to catch your eyes, those adorable eyes that well up with the fattest tears whenever he pedals his tongue right against your clit.   

As the age-old game of cat and mouse welcomes itself onto the stage known as the bed, you unassumingly take up your role the second you jerk away from Nanami’s silent plea.

What he wants from you—time, affection, or maybe even an orgasm, every idea falls to the back burner the moment your hips mindlessly buck into his mouth. You could have sold him the story of it being an accident, but why ruin his fun where he’s so hellbent on this one night that your body’s finally taking offense?

Though, when the rare glow dots the eyes he shoots up at you, you swear you can see hearts in the distance of his blown pupils. 

“Oh, look at that,” Nanami almost humors himself as he takes another glance at your cunt.

A precarious man such as he can’t afford to miss any details. His eyes cling to the unfolding sight, how his thick digits bathe in your essence, carefully sketching his own path about your folds so rich with nerves. He’s shamelessly gawking at how the succulent hues of rose bodes well with his fair skin, each pass he bestows upon your cunt pulls him into a self-induced trance.

“Making such a mess just from me talking. What a dirty mind you’ve got, isn’t that right, Honey?” 

Right on the tip of your tongue, the words baste behind the sweetest rapport. You could let him have him, fill his ears with talk of how lechery paints his face like a mask. He is your husband, yet the side he’s letting out to roam tonight leaves your fuzzy mind combing with an answer—and fast. 

“W-Where is this co-comming f-from, Baby?” 

That’s what you say, but the moans slipping from your traitorous mouth when Nanami plants one last kiss to your folds tells him all that needs to be known.  

“What?” He chuckles to himself. The pads of his digits wade through the glassy web sewn between your delicate folds, “Can’t handle me talking about your pussy, Sweetheart? I’m sorry but you'll have to take it. And, speaking of taking it…you know what else I love about you?”

“What’s that?” Your voice trails out behind a whimper.

Just to catch your eye, Nanami allows for the single tug of his briefs to free him from hell reincarnated. With the gray waistband sitting underneath the heavy bloat of his balls, his hand hungrily grips the base of his cock. A hellish squeeze around his rippling veins has your eyes nearly crossing at the pearly tears spilling from his tip. 

With the thread of sanity left in your mind, your hands race to ball the blanket within your fists, for some kind of grounding. “Fuck! Please! Please, tell me, I can’t wait anymore, Baby!”

“Let me show you then,” Nanami hums as he cup at the back of your knees. “I love when I fold you in half…juuuust like this…”

His words speak for him, Nanami’s sheer strength working pin your poor, tired body into one of his favorite positions—a mating press.

“I can see just how hard you try to take every inch of me. Making your poor pussy stretch around my cock, you must really love me, don’t you Honey?”

It’s sinfully natural the way the fat blushing crown of Nanami’s cock sits upon your clit, a detail he’s made himself keen to. His thick bulb sobbing those white tears all because of badly he needed to have you. To have his fingers work at your gushing cunny is one thing, his cock on the other hand?

He’s on course to face ruin tonight.

He’s already planning the next position, the hour, the next day, all dedicated to keeping his fat length choked within your walls for as long as he could.

Why with such knowledge, it’s no wonder his hips fall into a languid toll, leaving the thick head to trace every curve of your cunt. He’s driving up against every nerve just to watch your face quiver, to see those tears he loves so much all from a little teasing. 

His head dips along the marked tract of your neck, a cowardly move to hide his own flush face. His hands clip to your waist, baring your body between the smothering warmth of his thick chest and bed—without an inch to spare. 

His muffled voice hums against your neck, “T-That feels good right?” 

“Fuh–it’s s’ good Ken. ‘m so close, Baby please!” 

“It’s too soon to cum, Sweetheart—you know that.” Nanami faces betrayal from his warning, his hips snapping against your own. “Just take it nice ‘nd eas–shit! Oh Honey, you feel so…so…fuck, that’s so good!”

“Kennnn! Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” You hysterically sob in his ear. It’s all for good reason as those ominous white stars begin to freckle your vision. The knot hasn’t even pulled taut shattered and yet you’re already a victim to its claim. The mind-altering high that rips you out of your body for nothing short of a few seconds.

“Hold it, you can’t yet, Sweetheart, not—”

Sending your grip to sink into the twitching muscle of his biceps, you whimpered out against Nanami’s wishes. “I can’t, Kento! It’s too much!” You knew all too well what was coming and as much as Nanami claims to know as well, he simply couldn’t have you reeling off something so mundane as humping. 

“Please Honey, hold it. Just a little—”

“Fuck! ‘m cumming!” 

The perilous yelp echoes around the room as the pure state of bliss paints itself white in your mind. All that pressure, the tensions, it all slips away from you through the harsh arch your spine fights beneath Nanami.

It’s futile to try and stop the inevitable, and the bliss that comes with surrender is all the more peaceful. When your body tingles with the aftershocks, your mind hazy from the stress and woes of the day, all of the negative can’t survive when a high like that comes crashing hard and heavy. 

Exhaustion houses itself in your body, accompanying weakness and the giddy smiles that you can’t hold back–until your body feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest.

“That…whew, that was so—Kento?”

Your spotty sights focus upon falling onto Nanami’s silhouette, his towering form resting back on his haunches. His hand’s fallen between your bodies, a loose fist drumming against your skin. He’s pummeling his cock beneath harsh strokes, forcing abstract thick ropes of white to dance along your puffy lips. 

“Ken, Baby?” You call out cautiously as his body collapses over yours. “It’s okay,”  we can call it an early night–”

“I can’t leave you unsatisfied, it was pathetic of me to let go right now,” He huffs,  We’ve got our routine—gonna fill this pretty pussy so fucking full just so I can clean you up. And I have to tell you something.”

Your eyes soften over Nanami, desperately watching as the man seeks redemption. He isn’t one to be a sore loser, but when it comes to you—he’ll work until he breaks just to know that he was behind your euphoria. 

All resolutions point to you supplying his motive with undying support, especially when your digits reach to strum at the sparse blond hairs along the nape of his neck. “Go ahead, tell me Ken.”

A wicked grin stretches onto Nanami’s features, only to hide behind a kiss within the valley of your breasts.

“Oh, I love you so much, Baby. Can’t wait to give all my love to the prettiest girl!”

[dotster001]

For Tuna; Rook End

A/N: editing this is gonna suck, cause Tumblr is so glitchy today 😭 but as I'm sure no one is surprised...some of you have been waiting a long time for this specific ending, so I figured he deserved his own title . The next ending is a three way tie, so keep an eye out for a poll in the next couple days.

Chapters One Two Three Choose another End

“Rook Hunt, you have been chosen-”

“At last! The moment has come!”

Grim was immediately second guessing his decision. Y/N had told him all about how Rook's family had multiple villas, so he'd thought he'd be willing to put up with him the one day a year he'd have to. But the man was far too excited.

“Wonderful,” Grim said through gritted teeth. “So what we'll do is, tomorrow-”

“You're adorable, Monsieur Fuzzball. No need for that though!”

“Huh?”

“I don't need you. Au revoir!”

Rook practically skipped out of the room, singing a cheery tune to himself.

….

Grim was terrified. All day he'd been waiting for whatever Rook had planned. He'd stuck to your side all day, quivering in anxiety.

“Okay, Grim, what's wrong?” You asked, finally tired of ignoring it for the sake of his pride.

“N- nothing is wrong, human! You insult me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered. 

You closed the book you'd been reading during the break in the lesson, and turned to him.

“Okay, so what's not wrong, then?”

Grim mumbled under his breath. But you soon forgot all about it, as the lights in the classroom dimmed, followed by a shower of rose petals raining down on all of you.

“Who is responsible?” Trein bellowed, but he was soon forgotten as well, as Rook appeared at the front under a single spotlight, violin music playing to his entrance.

“Bon jour!”

“What the fuck?” You whispered, quickly realizing that Grim was no longer by your side. He must have taken the opportunity to flee classes. Little rat.

“I am here because I can no longer keep silent about my affections!” He pressed one hand to his heart, the other dramatically extending to the classroom. “I am deeply in love.”

You looked to see if Trein would stop him, but just watched him sigh. Even the teacher knew to just let Rook be Rook. 

“Mon Trickster! My heart beats so hard for you, it is apt to burst into a bloody mess of my adoration.”

There was now a second spotlight on you. You looked around to see where it was coming from, only to find there was no source of it.

A gust of wind picked up around Rook, making the rose petals that had fallen to the floor pick up, and swirl around him.

“Mon Tresor, say that you will allow me to forever kneel at your feet. Say that you will allow me to sing your adoration until my vocal cords tear. Say that I can write you poetry until my fingers fall off. Say-”

“God, Rook! I'd rather have you in one piece,” you cut him off with a laugh.

He stood upright with a light smile, swirling a finger in the air to turn the rose petals into a single rose. He gently kissed it, then tossed it to you across the classroom. You caught it, sniffing it and letting the aroma wash over you.

By the time you looked back up, he was standing right in front of you. You blinked, looking at the spot he was standing, then back at where he stood now. He smiled as though he was unperturbed by your confusion.

“If I stay in one piece, will you pledge your soul to me?” He asked sweetly.

“My soul? Not my heart?”

“For Seven’s sake, tell the boy whether you love him or not, so I can move on with the class,” Trein snapped.

“Okay! Rook, I like you too!” You said quickly.

“How exciting!” He snapped his fingers, and you heard the beginning of an orchestral intro. 

Rook inhaled heavily, and began to sing.

“Goodness, class dismissed!” Trein shouted over the aria, which was not going to stop anytime soon. You gave Trein a pleading look. While you liked Rook, and were totally happy to start seeing him, this song sounded like it would go on for a while. Trein gave you an apologetic look as he shut the door of the classroom, locking it behind him.

....

Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic @supertmntgirl @cxsmicdustdreams @aethermostbeloved @krystalkiller25 @asmallbean3 @theneurodivergentdummy @candlewitch-cryptic @smilingfox22-blog @phantomgaming1920 @the-dumber-scaramouche @noidonothavetimeforthis @bontensbabygirl @xxoomiii @somany-fandoms-solittle-time @bre99 @stupidsimp @sus0daddy @a-small-tyrant @imlost-sendhelp @mizukiblogs @redglasstear @ondragonhonour @1fandom2many @h3110-dar1in9 @ny0000mw00m @dreamlessnight @2dsimp @professionalreblogs @bigmoose1964

[therapycat21]

All Right Now Part 2

Travis Kelce x Famous!Reader Description:The reader catches the eye of famous footballer Travis.

Warnings: None Social Media AU

It’s been a week since the incident at Arrowhead and Travis is still actively liking my posts but has not reached out yet. I'm taken from my thoughts by an incoming call from my manager Stacy.

“Hey y/n” she smiles brightly into the screen at me “hey, whats going on?” I ask her “they just had a major cancellation for the arrowhead stadium and need someone who can quickly put something together, they reached out so I thought I would check with you to see if you are comfortable doing this last minute?” I haven't done a concert in a while so why not I thought “yeah I can figure something out, when is it?” I ask her smiling.

“It’s gonna be this Saturday” she let’s me know before we talked a bit more before hanging up. I then open Instagram to start making a post to announce it to the fans.

Not even a second after posting it went viral and started to trend on twitter. I then get a notification

Killatrav added your post to their story!

I clicked on the notification to see he did indeed add my post to his story with the caption. "Tickets have been bought ;)" I blush before liking the story and decided to look through his account, it only consists of ads, and funny clips from a podcast he has with Jason, and pictures of him dressed really nice. I decided to like his recent posts and click my phone off before I do anymore damage. I guess I'm performing at the stadium now. I smile before I rush off into contacting everyone for the concert.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday Morning

The day is finally here, I've been up since 5 am getting myself together to head over to the stadium for the show tonight, trying to remember the setlist and dance moves. Stacy knocks on the room door in the stadium "everything is all set, you ready?" she questions knowing I can get really bad nerves before a show. I smile, it reaching my eyes for the first time in a long time "surprisingly I am"

I laugh “okay good, I’m gonna go and head to my seat, you’re gonna do amazing” she tells me before reaching to open the door. Before she leaves she quickly lets me know “oh by the way, kylie, Jason, and Travis are here in the V.I.P box.” she smirks at me before finally closing the door. My face formed into shock knowing they actually came, especially Travis, I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves

“You’re gonna do amazing”

“You always kill it”

“You've worked hard to get here”

I keep telling myself the three before I’m interrupted by the door opening and them letting me know it is time for me to start heading to the stage.

I quickly start to head over to the stage and see all of the dancers starting to get into position, I can hear the crowd starting to scream from the lights starting to move, I’m then handed my microphone and decide to talk to them before they can see me

“let’s talk some nonsense yall”

I hear the crowd scream even louder before I’m finally revealed. I smile brightly “hello my loves” I laugh before the intro to my son nonsense comes on. Every time I sing this song I always make up a new outro depending on the state I’m in. We’re now near the end of the song, and they turn the music down slightly so we can hear the fans better

“How quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz” I smirk slightly before turning to where I see Travis staring at me smirking “raise your hand if you’re a little tipsy, sex with me is like joining the swim team, Travis is my favorite Kansas City” I blush profusely from him breaking out into laughter and seeing the blush rise on his face. The crowd screams even louder now knowing he’s there.

I see the crowd now facing up where the Kelce family is and taking pictures and videos. I laugh loudly into the mic before transitioning into the next song.

I can feel his eyes on me the entire show and for some reason my confidence was skyrocketing tonight and I didn’t hide that I was looking back at him with the best sultry look I could muster up. The show is now ending and the stage goes black before soft pink hues go through the stadium and the back screen lighting up with my new album announcement.

I hear the crowd scream even louder before saying my goodbyes and running off stage.

I reach the back where Stacy and Brittany are and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my adrenaline "you were absolutely amazing, oh my god you killed it" Brittany says running up and pulling me into a hug. I hug her back before I'm pulled into another hug by Stacy "You did so good girl!" I thank them both before we're interrupted by security.

"Miss y/n? there is a Kylie Kelce here wanting to see you, she says she's your friend?" I smile brightly at the security guard Jared "oh yes please bring her and the family back please." Jared gives me a brief nod before walking away to allow them in.

"you know that means Travis is gonna come back too right?" I can hear the smirk on Brit's face, I give her a look "yes I know, but for some reason tonight I am feeling good and confident, that has not happened in a long time especially towards a man." I reply with a teasing smile.

We’re interrupted by the door opening and Kylie slightly jogging to me with both girls with her.

When she gets close by we pull each other into a hug with the two girls trying to hug my waist. I let her go then bending down to pull both girls into a hug “hello my pretty mama’s ” I kiss both of their heads before letting go and standing straight to also greet Jason “you were absolutely amazing mama” Jason tells me pulling me into a deep hug, he is literally a bear. He lets me go, walking around to sit with kylie and the kids. 

I’m then faced with a smirking Travis “I liked the shout-out” he tells me, I smile bright but with a giant blush rushing through my face “I thought you would” I smirk back at him.

He looks over at the others before moving slightly into more of my space, me having to look up pretty far to see his face “if you want I can show you how much of your favorite I can be” he almost whispers to me with him leaning slightly down with a giant smirk. If I thought I was blushing a lot before it is even worse now. I try to calm myself before replying “I bet you could” I try to whisper back, looking up at him smirking.

“So tomorrow night at 6:30?” he asks smiling “pick you up?”

I look back slightly at Brittany, her giving me a giant teasing smile and a thumbs up, I turn back 

“Definitely” I smile bright.

Like my writing? buy me a coffee! I would be so grateful!

[spamgyu]

urs // Mingyu Series - Part 2

"the best at being the worst... but fuck sake I'm already yours"

DESCRIPTION: she and mingyu were in no place to be in a relationship. she was his best friend's stylist and he was... well he was kim mingyu; something stable was not something that was ideal for the two – not when their careers are both at it's peak. PAIRING: idol!mingyu x stylist!reader GENRE: angst WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, implied smut, stubborn protagonists, so many red flags you would think this is a football game, features the love of mingyu's life (jungkook) and all his other besties

NOTE: if you read INFRUNAMI, no you didn't. this has the same-ish vibes BUT this is the re-written version. many events, actions, and overall plot has been changed. (even if the intro/first part is very similar)

"Are you really not going to come with me?" Mingyu watched her move about her room.

He had shown up to her place unannounced – letting himself in, using the pin-code he had memorized by heart. This was one of many occasions he had put the four digits into good use; at times paying the apartment a visit even when she was not around.

It was the one location no one dared to bother him; mostly because those who were in on their arrangement knew that his presence at the place shouldn't even exist.

It was his new safe haven; a place where he can hide out when his schedules seemed to have more hours of him staying awake than it did of any shut eye.

Any time he felt a moment of pressure from the public eye or his company, he ran to the one place he that silenced the voices in his head – instantly bringing a sense of calm upon him.

Which has been rare to come these days.

Y/n didn't think he was actually being serious when he had invited her to spend the holiday with his family.

She rarely took what he said seriously, knowing that they were nothing but empty promises – being so busy and all. She knew she was last on his priority list and had always kept her expectations quite low for him.

Maybe it was her fear of disappointment.

"I don't know, dude." Y/n sighed, holding two jackets in front of her – mentally debating which would go best with her outfit. She may be spending the day alone but she still wanted to look well dressed. "I have a lot of things to prep for."

"The leather one." Mingyu nodded over to the jacket in her right hand. "Just do it after."

Setting the canvas outerwear in her left hand down, y/n slipped one arm after the other into the oversized jacket Mingyu had suggested – glancing at her reflection in her full body mirror.

He was right, leather did look best.

"I can't. Our flight leaves 5 am." She frowned. "I'll stop by when I'm done."

"Your mom will never let you hear the end of this, you know that right?"

Mingyu had only met her mother once, and it was purely by accident. While visiting last year, Y/n had taken her mom to the company building to show her around – wanting her mother to see where she spent most of her days if she wasn't hopping from one plane to another.

The three of them had managed to get on the same elevator that day; Y/n having no choice but introduce her mother to one of her so-called friends.

Which wasn't much of a lie... technically. They were friends...and a little more. But her mother didn't need to know that.

And of fucking course, Mingyu didn't take long to warm up to the older woman.

Two minutes to be exact.

All he had to do was flash his usual smile and use that tiny voice he used when he was around anyone that was older than him – her mom falling right into the trap that almost anyone had fallen into.

Including Y/n.

Mingyu completely disregarded his original plans of having lunch alone that day, choosing to sit with the two in the company's food hall – bonding with her mother about Y/n's need to always put her job over her personal interest.

In Y/n defense, her job didn't feel like a job. She thoroughly enjoyed what she did – the nearly seven figure salary was just cherry on top of the deal.

"Which is why she won't know." Y/n pointed before picking out a lip gloss from her collection. "It's not like she can check anyways."

Mingyu knew she was right, letting out a frustrated groan. "Come on, I already told my mom you were coming."

The smile on her face fell. "You're joking."

Just as Mingyu had only met her mother once, she had only met not only his mom but his whole family once. And just like Mingyu, she had managed to get along quite well with them – especially his mom.

The older woman was nothing but kind to Y/n despite crashing their rare-to-come family time during the holiday last year. The older woman couldn't help but happily dote on the girl upon learning that she was in the country all alone, all while her mother was back west.

Happy knowing that he was slowly swaying her decision, Mingyu's smile grew larger. "How about I help you do what you need to do so that we can head over together?"

Y/n pursed her lips, considering his offer. She did need some assistance with pressing a few garments and compiling her styling kit – and she did miss having a home cooked meal.

"Fine, but no funny business."

"Well," He let out a soft chuckle. "When you put it that way, now I kind of want to do some funny business."

"Work is work." Y/n reminded him.

They never took their ... business elsewhere. It was far too risky.

Especially at their company building.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She hated how she could never resist him.

Somewhere in between steaming the rack full of designer pulls she had managed to secure for her talent's upcoming schedule, and their useless banter, Mingyu had managed to get his hands on her.

It started with a simple squeeze at the hip as she tried to ignore the lust full gaze that he had been sending her since their arrival – within minutes he had her pinned against the wall, his lips hungrily attacking her neck.

No matter how much she wanted to stand her ground, keeping to her word, Y/n had given in.

Like she always does.

"What happened to no funny business?" Y/n sighed as she tilted her head to give him more access.

"No one's laughing." Mingyu mumbled against her jaw, a free hand slowly creeping up her shirt while the other hooked on to the belt loops of her jeans – pulling her closer against his body.

"You're annoying."

She could feel her whole body begin to grow hot under his touch, arching her back off the wall as he moved from her neck to her lips – his tongue plunging into her mouth.

"Hey– whoa!"

The sound of the familiar voice broke the spell he had put her under – Y/n pushing off the boy that towered over her to see their friend standing at the door with a bewildered look on his face.

"At the office? Really?" Jungkook cried.

She had completely forgotten that she had asked him to swing by for one last fitting.

Closing her eyes, Y/n let out a loud groan; in both embarrassment and frustration.

They had never been caught once. They've always been careful – which was quite easy considering they were always in the privacy of their own bedrooms.

If it would have been any body else that had walked through the doors, she would have been sure she would have been fired in an instant. Despite having a bullet proof contract that left her almost invincible to any termination.

She was a well known industry stylist after all.

"We weren't doing anything." Mingyu shrugged, walking over to the leather couch – shrugging off the incident as if it was just any regular occurrence.

All while Y/n would rather have the ground swallow her whole.

"Sure, dude." Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Do I need to come back or....?"

"No, we're good." Mingyu answered for her, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

She wanted to strangle him.

Letting out a deep breath, Y/n grabbed the outfit she had set aside off the rack – handing it over to the boy who now had a quite amused look on his face.

He always did enjoy teasing the two; more Y/n than Mingyu, since he was always able to get a reaction from her.

His best friend on the other hand, he didn't seem to care. Dismissing his attempts to poke fun at the secret very few of their circle were in on.

"Say a word, and I'll leave pins in your clothes." She gritted her teeth.

Using his free hand to metaphorically zip his lips, Jungkook turned his heel and headed for the foldable partition set up at the corner of the room.

"I ran into Hana the other day." Mingyu announced – for his friend of course.

Hana.

His ex-girlfriend.

The girl that Y/n wasn't supposed to know about.

What Mingyu didn't know was that she knew all about the girl, all thanks to his blabber mouth of a friend who had spilled all there was to know about the two's past.

During one of their many days of being overseas, Jungkook and Y/n had landed on the topic of Mingyu – a time before he was made aware of his two friend's special kind of relationship.

Hana was his first love; and from what Y/n has learned... his only.

Hana was once a trainee at the company along with the thirteen boys – a girl that Mingyu had grown up with. They have had a long history, having known each other even before he became the idol he was today – she knew him better than anyone else.

As Jungkook claimed, "She'll always hold a piece of him."

"Of course you did," Jungkook snorted from behind the bamboo divider. "I'm ninety-nine percent sure those run ins aren't coincidental."

Y/n pretended to busy herself with packing the remaining items on the rack – all while her mind ran a million miles per hour.

She was curious but she knew it was also not her place.

And definitely not the right place and time to pry.

"Looks okay?" Jungkook stepped out, his arms stretched out as he spun for the girl.

She pulled her lips into a tight smile and nodded. "Does it feel okay?"

"I think you may need to hem the pants." He shook his leg. "Can I keep these after?"

"I mean, I don't think Diesel will say no to you." She chuckled, crouching down to examine the length of the jeans – making a mental note to bring her sewing kit.

"Can I keep the jacket?" Mingyu quipped, eyeing the leather moto-style leather outerwear was sporting.

There was no doubt that this item would soon be a well desired piece by everyone once it was made available for purchase – and free clothes were free clothes.

"Sorry, I work for him. Not you." Y/n shrugged. She knew there would be no issues if they kept the garments that the brand had generously loaned the artist – much like many other brands that scrambled to place their items on the biggest boy group of not only Korea, but the world.

"I'll give it you dude, don't worry." Jungkook gave his friend a knowing look, earning an eye-roll from the girl.

Aside from Hana, the only other person that held Mingyu's heart was Jungkook. The two having an irritable bromance that gave Y/n a headache anytime they ganged up one her.

Which occurred far more often than she liked.

"Okay go change." Y/n stood from her spot, lightly pushing him towards the partition.

"You guys got plans after this? My mom made enough food for half of Korea."

"We're heading to my parents."

"We?" Jungkook coughed, sticking his head out to glance at the two.

Y/n silently sent over a look, telling him to pipe down – thankfully Mingyu didn't catch on to this.

Because he was far too busy typing away on his phone.

"What the fuck?" Jungkook mouthed to her.

"Y/n was going to spend the whole day here." Mingyu locked his phone, looking up to see his friends silently communicating. "You two good?"

"Yeah, Kook is just being annoying."

Despite having the brains, Mingyu was quite oblivious when it came to her.

There were so many telling signs, so many bells and whistles that rang for everyone – and yet, he had no clue that the girl he had roped into having a friends with benefits deal with, had feelings for him.

Who could blame her?

Not only did he look like a reincarnated Greek God, fucked like one as well; but he had all the traits any girl would dream of in a man.

He had been raised quite well.

She had fallen for his stupid smile, the one that showed all of his teeth; infecting those around him.

His stupid laugh that were practically music to her ears whenever she heard it, making her want to crack jokes continuously just so she could hear more of it.

His stupid acts of service that just came so naturally, unable to help herself from becoming putty in his hands whenever he did anything to make her day that much easier – opening bottled water, adjusting her clothes whenever they were not sitting correctly on her frame, wiping away the crumb that stuck to her chin, placing a pillow where his body once laid before slipping into the darkness of the night.

The list could go on.

To Mingyu, these actions were nothing. These were things he would do to those close to him.

But to her, the girl who had accepted the barest of bare minimum from previous lovers, it was everything.

Y/n had fallen for a man she shouldn't have. Not only because of the rules they had set, the stupid fucking rules, but also because she knew he would never give her the time of day.

She had lost count the many times he had expressed to her that relationships was not anything he dreamt of; not now and definitely not anytime soon.

His group was finally reaching the success that they had worked so tirelessly for – the endless sleepless nights, the many injuries, the tears... they were finally paying off.

A relationship wasn't something he could afford, nor did he have energy for.

"I like this. It's low maintenance." He claimed.

Low maintenance.

No daily texts or calls, no checking up; they came and go in each other's lives like the wind – passing by when they pleased.

And for a good while, she was on the same page as him. She too couldn't afford a relationship – not when she was as busy, if not more, as the seven men she worked for.

They were both on two different planets, universes even, but they shared similar worries.

Similar struggles.

But as her schedule started to slow down, with each boy slowly stepping away from the limelight to fulfill their civic duties, nights had become lonely and she began to yearn for the one thing she had been pushing off for years.

"Ready to go?" He stepped in front of her, a soft smile on his lips.

All while she was deep in her thoughts, buzzing about the room in auto-pilot, all the task she had needed done were finally complete – Mingyu taking notice of this as he stayed out of her way, choosing to converse about God-knows-what with his best friend.

Blinking her thoughts away, she mirrored his expression. "Yep."

Mingyu handed her the jacket she had slipped off once they had arrived, reaching over to pull her ponytail from under the garment as she adjusted her top.

There he goes again with doting on her...

"Stay safe, guys." Jungkook snickered as he headed for the door.

"We're going to my parents!"

"That wasn't what I meant but– hey, that too." He winked before slipping out of the room.

Y/n knew she shouldn't have agreed.

She should have made up a stupid excuse.

But just like all other times, she had given in.

Unable to resist him.

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@thegirlwhoimagined @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @vanillacheol @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @bubbly-moon @lllucere @bo-fairykim @pluviophile-xxx @daegutowns @jenoxygen @niktwazny303 @aahvii @fragmentof-indifference @leah-rose03 @haolistic @eclliipsed @joshuahongnumbers @gyuguys @yaaaridk @christinewithluv @yoonzinoooo @jaebammie @livelikejinki

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

[the0retically]

Wonderlust #1: One Man’s Trash:

Thoughts below! :)

- The intro is so cool I love this

- The different camera angels??? Holy shit??

- Oh god the voice Charlie is already doing, can’t wait for this character to destroy me emotionally

- This combat is insane oh my god??

- Troy’s dad?? Who is that

- Condi just on the other side is so funny to me like hi Canada man

- Charlie is just truly spitballing and has no thoughts behind it love it

- TROY IS JUST DOWN??

- Damn poor Troy lost the big race

- One more race!

- God Troy is such a jock I love him

- “Thanks to your father” oh?? Hmmm

- He has a fountain and it has the only running water that is Very sus

- Troy has a concussion????? Also may seems sweet and Troy is just so—love him

- Love the repeated “Troy math Troy math”

- Please he’s trying so hard to be cool and prove himself

- “My dad is gonna turn you into a clock?” HUH???

- Poor bizly this npc is cool and Charlie is making him just buzz

- He’s crying :(

- May??

- He lost his sled??

- OH THE MUSIC SLAPS

- THE ART!!!!!

- THIS IS SO COOL

- The green screen change!!

- Bizly is so good at descriptions I love his style of dming

- RUNT!!!!

- Oh I love runt so much

- :((((((( the street rats :(((((( I love them

- :( a match lights the dark room I MISS RIPTIDE

- I love uncle threestrings oh my god he’s so cool

- If anything happens to him I’m going to cry

- Also…….runt…??? You’re sick, you ok?

- Runt are you my chronic pain/chronic illness Queen?

- “Use this on your knee twice a day!” UNCLE THREESTRINGS WITH KNEE PAIN !!!!!

- Also love his singing it’s so fun

- This tunnel is cool heist time

- Oof runt is getting pinched to death, girl??

- Runt took it apart!! Love her little artificer girl!

- :(((((( she sees the stars and the moon

- The music is so cool I love this

- “Nothing else you’re just gonna open the door?” BIZLY NO RUNTS CURIOUS

- Uh oh, three loud bangs

- Oh doppler was taken, yikes I don’t think anyone but runt is getting out of this

- Please it’s not even roll initiative it’s just roll to run away

- Runt :(((((

- Tell her what? ………..if they lose people they don’t go after them? Oh god

- Interestingggggggg runt isn’t telling them about the crystal

- OH THE VIBE CHANGE??? Uncle T please there was a tragedy and you’re just playing your banjo

- God runt is just a kid

- Grizz and Bizly laughing about the big circle in the sky and being confused on who put it there please that’s so funny

- PINCH????? HES BACK?

- Runt isn’t allowed back up there :(

- She was just curious :( give her another chance!! :((((( runt

- oh, she can’t even go there to say hi and show stuff, runt :(((((( my sweet girl I’m so sorry

- “Dude he gets so hyped about the cups” YAY!!!!

- Yeah at least Runt didn’t shit her pants

- Aim sees the rock? Hmmm, runt didn’t you want that to be secret

- …………does this belong to Blink?

- CONDI TIME!!!!! BLINK!!!!!!!!

- I love his design so much

- Gotta love the belts, true Condi design!!!!

- The vixens??

- “She’s looking for you” “aeon’s always looking for me” OH????

- God gram-gram just stealing the box from blink, please??

- PLEASE???? She just makes him do side quests????? That’s so funny

- BIZLYS FACE BROKE ME “if I was reasonable person I would never” “but you will :D cause you’re not reasonable are you!” Just the soft smile, it’s so funny to me

- Please granny trying so hard to make blink and aeon friends again AHHHHH AEON’S HERE

- “An iron fist huh? Actually it’s leather, gets the job done” AHHHH HELLO??

- HELLO AEON! She’s so pretty!!

- “Was it the street rats?” “Shut your fucking mouth!” PLEASE

- :((((( blink doesn’t have a house

- “What do I get out of this” “a warm feeling in your heart?” This is such a cool dynamic I love this

- Oh god she punches Blink??

- WAIT TROY!!!!!! HES HERE AND JUST WANDERING AROUND??????

- The art!!!!! Troy just chasing Blink????? Oh my god??? “Don’t play hard to get with me, I’ll fucking catch you!” WHAT?

- He just sleds after him oh my god??????

- “What is your costume made out of” TROY PLEASE????

- “There’s no need to be such a freak” TROY?????

- He thinks it’s a convention??????

- “Is that like a slur?” TROY OH MY GOD?????

- Not Troy telling Blink that they need a hole to throw their trash down???? Oh my god??? That’s crazy

- “I don’t know I’m not supposed to tell you!” Troy?? What do you mean by that?

- Troy with a concussion!!!!! He’s just like me!! “I’ll protect a worse one and that’ll undo it” I—

- Troy just thinking that Blink is in character is so funny

- “Dude hey, you look stressed” Troy please??

- “No one’s chasing you, no one’s sticking with you because they may have ulterior motives!” Troy, baby boy, you’re dumb

- Ok so Troy may have already been with the vixens?? Or it’s something else I don’t know? Or it’s just him wanting to get back up

- The imagery is so clear I love it I can see these characters and where they are

- Please they just made up random ass names for themselves

- Troy my guy be better

- “I will crush 30 of these I won’t even blink…oh sorry” TROY OH MY GOD

- Environmentalist activist blink! Let’s go!

- “I’m gonna be Frank” “WHO THE FUCK IS FRANK?” Oh my god

- PLEASE TROY IS SO FUNNY???? He’s a jock that just is so incredibly dumb

- Oop Troy with daddy issues

- I—Charlie is just so lost in Troy right now

- “You know sometimes I think about guys!” TROY????

- Troy stop talking pleaseeeee

- Oh god blink just running away with troy

- Bizly is rolling so badly this session oh my god

- “A blunt arrow comes whizzing by your head” “a blunt what? I smoke it” HUH?

- How are they even doing this??

- “You definitely don’t make it 30 feet up” “well to me it feels like that!”

- “I lost this cast iron a couple years ago” TROY?????

- A NAT 1 AND A NAT 20 OH MY GOD????

- Graphite seems cool!

- Troy peak adhd boy, love him

- “You just say things don’t you?” “….Troy”

- I miss runt

- RUNT!!! SHES WATCHING THEM

- ohhhhh blink was in the apothecary before

- She’s been tailing them!!

- THIS WAS SO COOL!!!! I LOVED IT!!! IT WAS SO GOOD

[moongazeonastarfillednight]

The Terror: When, How, Where... (PART 3)

See Part 1 (Intro, Episode 1 through 5)

See Part 2 (Episode 6 through 9)

1927 Admiralty Map (My beloved?)

To see the full map to interact with, click this link

List of Locations and approx dates:

Location 1 - David Young's grave (71.22, -96.60) - Sept 5 1846

Location 2 - Ships Position September 1846 (70.25, -98.00) - Sept 12 1846

Location 3 - Ships Position June 1847 (70.15, -98.30) - May 24 to Jun 11 1847

Location 4 & 5 - The Cairn and the Ice Camp (69.66, -98.27) - May 28 1847

Location 6- The Ships in January 1848 (70.055, -98.59) - January 10th- 17th 1848 

Location 7- The Ships in April 1848 (69.88, -98.57) - April 22nd 1848

Location 8 - Fairholmes' Last Resting Place (69.72, -98.35) - April 23rd 1848 

Location 9 - Terror Camp (69.644, -98.24) - April 24th-26th  1848 

Location 10 - Netsilik Massacre (69.62, -98.05) - April 25th 1848 

Location 11- Hodgson is found - Mutineers: (69.56, -98.06) - April 27th 1848 

Location 12 - Hodgson is found – Crozier (69.54, -98.14) - April 27th 1848 

Location 13 - Fitzjames Collapses (68.94, -98.79) - June 10th 1848 

Location 14 - Gibson's death (68.860, -98.73)  - June 27th 1848 

Location 15 - Fitzjames' Death (68.78, -98.21) - July 28th 1848 

Location 16 - The NorWest Passage (68.7, -98.06) - July 28th 1848

Location 17 - Hospital Camp (68.68, -97.74) - August 3rd 

Location 18 – Bridgens' death (68.70, -97.95) - August 10th 

Location 19/21 - Mutineer Camp (68.73, -97.99) - August 3rd 

Location 20 - Crozier Ambushed (68.67, -97.84) - August 10th 

Location 22 - Tulloch Point (68.56, -97.09) - October 5th - (Crozier) - August 30th (Little)

Location 23 - The Library (68.48, -96.58)  - October 9th (Crozier) - September 9th (Little)

Location 24 - Todd island (68.44, -96.29) - October 9th (Crozier) - September 14th (Little)

Location 25 - Starvation Cove (68.24, -96.59) - October 10th (Crozier) - September 28th (Little)

Location 26 - Netsilik Summer Camp (68.66, -95.932) - Silna

Historical and documented locations are in blue

Proposed locations by Franklin Researchers in orange

Proposed locations by yours truly in pink

Historical locations but for which the show took liberties... in red

P.S I couldn’t take my own screenshot from the show so… I had to try and find the best matching image out there this time :(

On With the Show

Episode 10 - We Are Gone

Episode 10 is full of action and, thankfully, will not make me ramble too much until after Silna rescues Crozier. If we generously accept that the previous locations and date I gave are good (or good enough), then we’ll situate the first three quarters of the episode pretty easily.

So, for the end of our tragedy, we start in a place we’ve been before;

 Location 19 - Mutineer’s Camp (68.73, -97.99)

Date: August 16th 1848

Nighttime - None

Daylight - 17h 26 min

Twilight -6h 34 min

Sunrise: 3:51 am, Sunset: 9:17 pm

The Episode starts with Hickey “welcoming” Crozier into his camp and we learn a clue about the date. “It’s a Wednesday”, followed, back at Hospital Camp, by Lt. Little who let us know that it has been a day since Crozier was taken by Des Voeux and Co.

So, the first question I have is: Did Des Voeux camp out the night? With what tent and what supply? They did not appear to have dragged anything with them. Perhaps they walked all night but that would have made for a very slow walk, probably, since we established that the Mutineers had camped only 6 miles away from the Hospital Camp and we’ve established previously that a slow pace for walking would be around 2mph.

Let’s address the first point. “It’s a Wednesday”. Well, my friends, I had previously placed Crozier’s being ambushed on August 10th and… that’s a thursday.

Therefore, I need to make a revision to Part 2, I’m afraid… I am not overly worried about this, however. I had based my timeline with very large stroke and I could either adjust that everything happens 2 days earlier that I previously said it would or 5 days later. Considering that the Tuunbaq battle happens during twilight and ends just as the sun is about the rise, and that was a couple of days later, I would be inclined to move everything forward 5 days. This would also give more “nighttime” for Hodgson to annoy Goodsir with his Catholic story… But also, this would explain why LeVesconte was feeling desperate enough to propose abandoning the ill, again. Time is flying by and they’re just… sitting… in that camp…

Therefore! Crozier comes into the Mutineer Camp on August 16th :) and we’re moving the day of Bridgens’ death on August 15th.

August 16th would also become the end for Mr. Goodsir.

And we are BACK at Hospital Camp for Le Vesconte little mutiny and, I have to say, I was so, so proud of Edward Little for trying to do the right thing… in a situation when there are no right decisions...

Location 17 - Hospital Camp (68.68, -97.74)

Date: August 16th 1848

Nighttime - None

Daylight - 17h 26min

Twilight - 6h 34 min

Sunrise: 3:50 am, Sunset: 9:16 pm

From Le Vesconte’s summary of their decision, this is also the day they leave Hospital Camp and, therefore, the day of Jopson’s death :(

Location 21 - Tuunbaq Battle (68.67, -97.84)

Date: August 18th 1848

Nighttime - None

Daylight - 17h 07 min

Twilight -6h 53 min

Sunrise: 4:00 am, Sunset: 9:06 pm

This is the next day, August 17th to August 18th (Tuunbaq dies shortly before the sun rises). 

Twilight would start at 9:19 pm but we started the day with a Goodsir breakfast and the question I would like to ask is this:

Did Hickey just wait until like… midnight to get them to start pulling that sledge? It looks like they did not come directly from the camp but from a little bit further away and maybe they chose to come at it from that angle because of the slope… Anyway, I’ll propose that, yes Hickey chose to wait until midnight to make them start pulling, making the battle happen on August 18th!

This would also mean that it would have taken almost 18 hours for Goodsir’s poison to take effect?

We’ll mark the location as the same as the Mutineer’s camp since they are so close to one another.

And now:

Crozier Recovers

 Location 19 - Mutineer’s Camp (68.73, -97.99)

Date: October 2nd 1848

Nighttime - 6h 20 min

Daylight - 10h 56 min

Twilight - 6 h44 min

Sunrise: 6:52 am, Sunset: 5:48 pm

The timeline for an amputation’s recovery are what I’ll need to use to check on when it is that Crozier can walk again.

Let’s start with the stump: I note that when Crozier announces to Silna his intention to try and find his men, the stump doesn’t have any kind of coverings. Meaning it would have been closed or scared well enough to not need it anymore.

(PS Looking for a screenshot of when he wakes up)

As you can imagine I haven’t found a lot of information on the web concerning how long an amputation would take to heal if it was made in the middle of the arctic wilderness with a hunting knife and no modern medical care… But there are some beautiful papers out there about how amputation being so ancient (31 000 years ago) proved that caring for our ill was very much a way of life even back then. Anyway, according to Myhealth.Alberta.ca, a below the knee amputation would take up to 4  to 8 weeks to be able to return to work with modern care… it took Mr. Blanky a measly 2 weeks of recovery before he could walk the half mile between Terror and Erebus after his own amputation and damn, if this is not the proof that Mr. Blanky was the GOAT. 

Mr. Blanky also had the advantage of being cared for by a doctor (although, 19th century Doctor…), which Crozier does not. Based on this, I will accept that it would be reasonable for Crozier, who lives in the same world of superhumans as Thomas Blanky, might have needed the full 4 weeks to recover. At least.

We also know from our analysis of some hair growth for episode 9 that it takes 1 month to grow half an inch of beard. Honestly, I’d say this looks like at least 1 month and a half growth…

Also, to find out the approximate date, Crozier tell us that it’s “too late” to be this far North. No doubt he means that they are most certainly veering into the colder months and that he knows that if they would need to reach the Netsilik winter camp soon. It’s definitely not August anymore.

Finally, we know that the endgame is, I assume, Starvation Cove (See location 25). Starvation Cove, we know, 

I am going a little bit ahead of myself, I know, but I feel this is important to establish the timeline because Starvation Cove is a known location, I do not need to guess where it is. I can already calculate that it is, when taking the probably path the survivors took (based on the 1927 admiralty map), 50 miles away from the Hospital Camp.

We established, at the end of part 2, that the speed they would have gone at would have been about 1 mile per day. Maybe after dropping the desks and so many tents (there was only one boat in Little’s last camp), they could have gained a little bit of speed. Let’s say 1.5 miles per day. This would mean that if they were going at their best pace, they could have reached Starvation Cove in a month.

And, then, they would have had to stop, too exhausted to move on,and they would have known hunger enough to resort to the last ressource…

I also want to point out that there is a fine layer of snow on the tents and the crates when Crozier reaches it. And there is frost on Poor Lt. Little’s face. So, here is the thing about snow: it melts when exposed to the sun at near freezing temperature, if it had fallen on surfaces that will absorb heat. In order for the frost to have remained on Edward’s face and for the barrels to be frost and snow covered (lightly), my canadian nose tells the temperature may have been closer to 23F (-5C)  than at freezing (32F or 0C). Which would be average for the beginning of October (according to timeanddate.com) rather than September.

I think I will accept that even though Blanky, bless his face, recovered from an amputation in 2 weeks, it could have taken Crozier 6 or 7 weeks and based on the time one would need to travel to Starvation Cove (probably 1 week for Crozier and Silna if we account for Crozier’s recovering speed I would like to established at 10 miles per day and also accounting for the fact that he looked MUCH improved by the time they reached Starvation Cove, which requires time) and between 30 to 40 days for Little, this would be the right timeframe for the travel and starvation to occur...

This would date Crozier and Silna’s departure from the Mutineer’s Camp around October 2nd 

And now, Crozier and Silna gets on their way to the next stop:

Location 17 - Hospital Camp (68.68, -97.74)

Date: October 2nd 1848

Nighttime - 6h 20 min

Daylight - 10h 58 min

Twilight - 6 h42 min

Sunrise: 6:50 am, Sunset: 5:47 pm

The hospital camp being, as established, 6 miles from the Mutineer camps, they would have made it there on the first day. And probably around noon if they had started to walk at first light. Crozier would have been slower than Silna and may have been able to walk only 10 to 15 miles per day. For the first couple of days, I expect that he could have walked closer to 10 miles than 15. I also would like to think that he would have taken the time to bury Jopson, making him the Gladman Point Skeleton (NdLe-16)

Location 22 - Tulloch Point (68.56, -97.09) (Not shown in show)

(Crozier)

Date: October 5th 1848

Nighttime - 6h 44 min

Daylight - 10h 41 min

Twilight - 6 h35 min

Sunrise: 6:54am, Sunset: 5:27 pm

(Lt Little)

Date: August 30th 1848

Nighttime - None

Daylight - 15h 22 min

Twilight - 8 h38 min

Sunrise: 4:46 am, Sunset: 8:08 pm

On their way to Starvation Cove, they would have had to cross Douglas Bay, a 3 miles wide little bay near the southern part of KWI.  It’s 26 miles from the Mutineers Camp (Which Crozier departed on October 2nd) and 20 miles from the Hospital Camp (Which Lt. Little departed on August 16th)

At a recovering pace of 10 miles per day for Crozier/Silna, they would have reached Douglas Bay at the end of their 3rd day of walking and I suspect that even though they sitll had some miles in them, they would have started fresh the next morning to cross the bay (Oct 6th).

At an average pace of 1.5 miles a day, Little and Le Vesconte would have reached Douglas Bay in 14 days and probably would have waited until the beginning of the 15th day to cross.

Location 23 - The Library (68.48, -96.58)

(Crozier)

Date: October 9th 1848

Nighttime - 7h 32 min

Daylight - 10h 01 min

Twilight - 6 h 27 min

Sunrise: 7:11 am, Sunset: 5:13 pm

(Lt Little)

Date: september 9th 1848

Nighttime - None

Daylight - 14h 00 min

Twilight - 10  h 00 min

Sunrise: 5:19 am, Sunset: 7:19 pm

This is the place where Little and Le Vesconte dropped all the books, what looks to be a desk and 2 side tables? (one would think that they’d have left that behind before Jopson :( )

I think that at this point they are getting much closer to the southernmost point of KWI, Booth Point. For 2 reasons: 1- Crozier seems to have recovered enough to be walking straight and without much difficulty and with enough strength to help pull Silna’s sled and 2- You can see they are close to the strait, like, right next to it. Which means that they would have been making ready to cross, which could be the reason why this is where they abandoned all the non essentials. If Little and Co crossed in mid-september, as the timeline I supposed when discussing Crozier’s recovery would lead me to believe, they would have crossed on thin ice, making it more necessary than ever to lighten the load. And because I started this journey to figure out how to reconcile the show with the locations of where relics were found, I think I would like this to be quite near River Piffer… you know… not too far from where they would have buried Le Vesconte… And we have for location 23 (68.48, -96.58)

I think Le Vesconte and Little would have rushed to cross Douglas Bay as to not be on ice when it is not cold enough yet to assure them it wouldn’t crack under their weight. They would probably have pushed to cross on the same day, making it a whooping 3 miles in one day. This would certainly have exhausted the men, bringing them closer to their demise. They would cross on August 31st, and start again on September 1st for the remaining 10 miles until location 23, probably at a slightly slower pace of 1.25 miles a day and reached the Library on September 9th.

TO BE NOTED: since 2009, the skeleton found and believed to be Le Vesconte by C.F. Halls in 1869 has been reidentified as Harry Goodsir. But! Well! You know!

Location 24 - Todd island (68.44, -96.29) (Not shown in show)

(Crozier)

Date: October 9th 1848

Nighttime - 7h 33 min

Daylight - 10h 01 min

Twilight - 6 h26 min

Sunrise: 7;10 am, Sunset: 5:12 pm

(Lt Little)

Date: September 14th 1848

Nighttime - 1h 22 min

Daylight - 13h 20 min

Twilight - 9 h18 min

Sunrise: 5:37 am, Sunset: 6:57 pm

The Route to Starvation Cove: I am still going to take from the 1927’s admiralty map there and accept that they crossed the Simpson Strait near Todd Island. One of the reason why I would agree with it is because their goal was to get to Back Fish River. Upon reaching Booth Pt, they might have realised that, well, that’s it. That’s the end of KWI. There is no land bridge connecting it to the Adelaide Peninsula. At that point, they had to cross but, before that? Well, they maybe had a chance that they could have kept pulling their sledge on firm ground and not attempt what might have been a frozen strait or a dangerous trek on unstable ice, especially in september. They would have attempted to cross at the nearest point possible from the river they were trying to get to. So, instead of simply crossing at the narrowest part of the Simpson Strait, they kept on going until they were facing Todd Island

Todd Island is 7.5 miles from the Library.

If we say that unloading their boat made the pace easier and back at 1.5 miles per day, then, Little would have reached this point in 5 days on September 14th and Crozier and Silna on the same day as they reached the Library, October 9th.

Location 25 - Starvation Cove (68.24, -96.59)

(Lt Little)

Date: September 28th 1848

Nighttime - 5h 46 min

Daylight - 11h 29 min

Twilight - 6 h45 min

Sunrise: 6:31 am, Sunset: 6:00 pm

(Crozier)

Date: October 10th 1848

Nighttime - 7h 44 min

Daylight - 9h 55 min

Twilight - 6 h21 min

Sunrise: 7;14am, Sunset: 5:09 pm

We know where this is :(

The thing about Starvation cove is that if we accept that Franklin’s men crossed at Todd Island, they would have been going SW when they should have been going SE to reach Back Fish River.

I would like to suggest that upon knowing that they would have to cross a large expense of ice in mid september ( which could have been potentially perilous as the ice was probably made fragile by the summer and it was not cold enough yet to secure the way), they… simply chose to go toward the point of land they could see. Which was this cute little point. From there, they followed its coast until their last stand.

Now, more daunting than anything, this is a monstrous 9 miles to cross. For Lt. Little and his unfortunate companions who I’ve recently reduced to a pace of 1.5 miles a day, this would have meant they needed 6 days to cross at that pace! I think they would have deemed it too dangerous and would have pushed, same as they did for Douglas Bay and made it 2.5 miles a day (crossing in 4 days - Sept 18). Once again, this would have taken from their reserves all their reserves and they would have slowed down to 1.2 miles a day until they reached Starvation cove, 7 miles away from their initial landing on the Adelaide Peninsula. From Todd Island to their last resting place, they would have walked another 10 days. It is September 28th 1848 and they have been hauling the boats for 5 months. They total mileage would have been between 150 and 170 miles with my proposed route from Terror Camp to Starvation cove.

Crozier and Silna would have been able to cross and reach Starvation Cove in a day, reaching it on October 10th, 12 days after Lt. Little and what was left of the crew.

OTHER LOCATIONS

Location 26 - Netsilik Summer Camp (68.66, -95.932)

For this one, I want to believe it is Gjoa Haven.

From Terror Camp, this would have been a 100 miles journey for Silna. If she took her time and made a comfortable 10 miles a day, she would have walked from TC to GH in 10 days or so. 2 weeks. But she probably footed it because it seems like she wanted her people to help, in some capacity, the Frankliners (which prompted the unnamed Netsilik hunter to lecture her on how the white men were disturbing the balance on the island)

Then, from Gjoa Haven to the Mutineer’s camp, it would have been 50 miles. If she had left with the other shaman the day Crozier got ambushed, august 15th (as it seems to be implied by the fact that the scene announcing her travel companion was ready to go being just after Tom Hartnell’s death), she would have made it just in time to save Crozier 3 days later on August 18th by walking 15 to 20 miles a day, which is a moderate pace for a hiker.

So, this coincidence comforts me into thinking that, yes, their summer camp WAS in Gjoa Haven : )

Which is to say, had her journey been continuous, she would have made it to the same destination as the men of Franklin in only 30 days or so...

It took Little 150 days to reach Starvation Cove…

Women are stronger?

Location 27 - Netsilik Winter Camp (???)

I don't even want to attempt this. There are no clues whatsoever as to where they might be. They also deserve a little bit of privacy!

That’s it! That’s the end! We’ve made it, friends! All 10 episodes!

For Part 4, I will attempt to correct the dates I retroactively changed from part 1 to part 2 and then from part 2 to part 3 and package all of this in a neat presentation that would be more digestible than this wall of rambling.

I will take my time to complete part 4 and review everything so I might upload it in a week's time or so, maybe more.

I rushed Part 1 through 3 so that it could get out of my head and you all paid the price for how much rambling there is ;) sorry!

Thank you for reading so far! This was a blast even though I felt like I was losing my mind quite a bit!

[godlygreta]

god is fair | j. t. kiszka

title | god is fair

word count | 7.7k

warnings | swearing, mentions of alcohol - nothing too terrible... yet ;)

author's note | i've had this in the chamber for some time now, i just lost the inspo to write, which is why i haven't in a long time. this isn't a promise that i'll post more fics as they come to me, seeing as i'm a senior in college who has a fuck ton of other things to do. there will be a part 2 to this fic, but i couldn't tell you when it's coming :)

also, very much so listening to god is fair, sexy nasty by mac miller while writing this & starting the next part, so take that as you will ;)

unedited as hell so pls excuse any mistakes !

You always had this rivalry since the beginning of freshman year. This guy, Jake, would never show up to any of the classes the two of you had together, but always got the highest grades on every single goddamn exam that your Intro to Bio professor gave out. It infuriated you.

You figured that in the spring semester, you would be freed from the disappearing boy, but you weren’t. While the teacher called roll, everyone shouted out here. She landed upon his name, calling out to the class and looking through the rows of students. He had been there for orientation, sitting in one of the middle rows, slouched in his seat.

You planned to confront him the next day you had class together, on Wednesday, but Jake was nowhere to be found. Your roommate and your friends had heard your exhaustive theories as to why he was never in class. “Babe, you sound insane. Just let it go.”

But you couldn’t.

Competition lived deep within your roots, having an entire competition with the second top student in your graduating class in high school. Though the rage held between each other was never taken far outside of the academic realm, the two of you never thought to be friends and encourage one another. Thankfully, the two of you resolved the competition when the two of you realized you would be going into two very separate fields of study in college. 

Camren, who knew she was going to be a chemist from the time she first learned about chemistry, had told you she loved the competition – made it fun and kept things interesting. And there you were, going to school for Pre-Med with the same feeling. The two of you kept in contact, updating each other on the strive for greatness in college as well.

You kept a close relationship with a lot of your teachers, making sure to get on their good side before classes had really begun. You emailed most of them, especially your Anatomy and Physiology professor, Dr. Sahnya Heinz.

She was incredibly skilled in her field, leaving the active medical field to teach the new and future minds of medicine. It was a cliche line she delivered on the first day, but it encouraged that familiar competitive fire that dwelled within you.

You don’t quite remember how you came to figure out that Jake was ahead of you, but you had found out somehow from your professor, although it was an accident.

It made everything in you burn with anger and frustration. Anytime someone mentioned him, or mentioned the fact that you were second, you clenched your jaw and your teeth gritted together. Your friends had an inside joke that you were only mad because you had a huge crush on him.

“I barely even know what he looks like, Mel! I fucking hate the guy. Don’t start shit.” You’d plead, beer can in your hand in the lounge of some fraternity floor.

Over the next few semesters, you kept trying your hardest, spending most of your free time in the library, reading everything that you could to prepare for every exam. You wrote papers early, having them done at least three weeks in advance. As soon as you would be told about a new one, you’d immediately start finding sources.

You sauntered around campus, thinking that you would be way ahead of him. He still never showed up to any classes, aside from orientation and exam periods. You’d stare at him for a few moments while the teacher passed out the exam, looking over his face as much as you could.

His long hair would obscure your vision on occasion, making it hard to catch any of his features at all. From what you could see though, he had nice, full lips. His nose was something you could have stared at the entire exam period.

You watched him as he licked his lips, whispering a thank you to Heinz before grabbing his pencil from his desk and getting to work. You looked away from him as soon as Heinz put your exam on your desk, offering her a small smile and a quick thank you before getting to work.

It was almost spring break, meaning some of your assignments had been slowing, some of them had been increasing. A group of your friends from different majors told you about one of the lounge parties a fraternity on campus was throwing. “Sigma Tau has the worst lounge parties, Tamia. You know this.”

“They’re joining forces with the Delta’s though, so it’ll be better than normal! You have to come, you’ve always got your nose in a book. You haven’t drank with us in so long, I forget what you’re like when you’re drunk.”

“I don’t know… I need to work on this Midterm paper I have in Kainz’s class, it’s due next week.”

“Babe, it’s been done for weeks! You just keep editing it trying to find mistakes and there are none! I’ve literally read it five times. Please, go out with us, just tonight?”

You looked between Tamia and Mel, knowing in the end you would give into them anyways. “Ugh, fine! Tonight, and tonight only, just this once. If I don’t like it, though, I’m leaving and going to bed early.”

“You’ll have so much fun, I swear!” Mel and Tamia looked between each other, sharing expressions of excitement and happiness on their faces. You rolled your eyes, standing up from your chair.

You let them raid your closet, trying to throw something together quickly. Most of the time, Tamia and Mel never obeyed the dress code for the lounge parties, hating the idea of giving into the male gaze of the fraternity brothers. Tonight, however, was a bit different. The theme was Western, meaning it was cowboy hats and very tiny shorts.

You looked over the outfit that laid out in front of you, straw cowboy hat that Tamia had bought from Amazon (one for each of you), a pair of short shorts that may or may not show your ass a bit, and a red bandana top that Mel let you borrow last semester that you forgot to return. “I don’t know about this. I don’t even have the right shoes.”

“You forget we wear the same size, bitch, you’re going. No backing out.” They joked, tossing you a pair of white boots. “Just put that shit on while we heat up the curling iron, okay?”

“Fine, fine, okay.” You peel off your shirt, throwing on the one they picked out. Next to go were your pajama pants, which were replaced by the shorts. You kept the same socks on, knowing that nobody would see them anyways with the boots going up to the middle of your calf muscle. “I look fucking ridiculous.”

“You look fucking hot, now sit down while we do your hair and makeup,” Mel spoke, pulling out your desk chair while Tamia smiled wickedly with the curling wand in hand. You were nervous, looking at the both of them, but the good kind that settled under your skin and was left hidden behind the smallest smile.

You talked about upcoming exams with them while they did your hair and makeup, much to their dismay. They attempted to fill you in on the various drama situations going on around campus while you had been heavily plugged into your textbooks. You gasped often, finding shock and awe in some of the things they had been telling you about classmates.

They spoke about Jake, letting it slip that he had been planning on attending the party, joined at the hip with one of the girls he had been rumored to have been dating. One of the many. “Ugh, he just sounds like a douche. Gives me even more reason to hate him.”

“We’re not feeding into your delusion that he’s some douchebag. Dropping it.” Tamia spoke, putting her hands up in a surrender. Mel laughed, pulling away from you with an eyeliner pen in hand. “Maybe we’ll get you drunk enough to admit you like him.”

“I don’t like him, and I thought we were dropping the topic.” You looked at Tamia in the mirror, watching her face deadpan as she looked back at you.

“I have something hot in my hands, don’t be rude to me.” The three of you laughed, getting back into the rhythm of getting ready. You let them do their thing to you, curling the last bit of your hair and putting the finishing touches of highlighter on your brow bone.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, marveling at the job they did. You thanked them for getting you all dolled up, watching them change into their outfits. It was mostly just them taking off the sweats they were wearing, throwing them over the back of your desk chair. You took a few pictures with them in your mirror before finally deciding to head out.

The party had started a half an hour ago, walking into the party late like most people did. The three of you got in easily with matching the dress code, immediately looking for the drinks table. The boys in charge handed the three of you a free shot of anything you wanted. Mel chose for you, starting the night out roughly with a shot of Svedka.

You grabbed a Sprite from one of the boys in one hand, the shot of Svedka in the other. The three of you tapped your glasses together before downing the shot. The alcohol burned as it slipped down your throat, trying to soothe it with the taste and coolness of the Sprite. You shook a bit, throwing the cup away in a nearby trash can.

“That was fucking gross, I hate you so much for choosing Svedka.”

“I could’ve chosen something even more nasty, like Jack.” Mel laughed, leading the three of you over to a section in the lounge where you could stand a decent enough distance away from one another, instead of being piled on top of one another.

“I would have rather taken a shot of Jack, Mel.” You spoke, sipping more of your Sprite. Tamia pointed out a few of the people they had talked about earlier, letting you put names to faces.

In the midst, two of the Sigma brothers decided to start a dance battle, capturing the attention of those around them. Everyone joined in, gathering around the two guys. Mel and Tamia joined too, but you had slipped out of their grasp by telling them you had to use the bathroom.

You were happy to escape the party, sneaking out with a bottle of Smirnoff the boys had left unattended. You walked outside, taking a deep breath in. You were thankful to be met with the smell of fresh air, not smelling sweat and booze everywhere. Your peace and tranquility was ruined by someone’s voice, “Well, don’t you look adorable.”

Your head snapped towards the voice, seeing Jake sitting up against the bike rack with a cigarette between his fingers. “Shut up.”

“What? I can’t compliment you?”

“No,” you started, crossing your arms with the bottle still in your hand. “No, you can’t.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I hate you.” Jake looked at you, up and down, taking a drag of his cigarette. You screwed off the cap of the bottle, taking a pull. You tried your hardest to not make a face, looking away slightly when the familiar sting settled in your throat.

“Why do you hate me? I’ve never spoken to you before.”

“Do I have to have a reason?” You asked, walking closer to him.

“Suppose not. But if I knew why you hated me,” he tossed his cigarette butt on the ground, stomping on it with his boot. “Then maybe I could find a way to make you not hate me.”

“Unless you flunk your next exam, I guarantee that won’t happen.”

“Oh, I get it.” He chuckled, standing up from the bike rack he was leaning against. He grabbed his cigarette butt up from the ground, tossing it into the nearest garbage can. He turned towards you, staring at you with his brown eyes. “You’re just mad because I’m smarter than you.”

“You’re never in class. You shouldn’t be ahead of me.” You glared at him, lips moving into a frown.

“Just because I’m never there doesn’t mean I’m not getting the information. I work five, sometimes six days a week. We only have class three days a week. Typically, I gotta work those days. Heinz sends me the powerpoints and the assignment notes so I never miss anything.”

“Oh yeah? Where do you even work then?” You asked.

He chuckled, fingers brushing yours that were wrapped around the bottle. “Now if I told you that, it would ruin all the fun,” he looked you up and down once more, licking his lips slightly. “Well, maybe I’ll see you and your bottle inside.” 

You waited til the doors closed behind him to roll your eyes, and huff outwardly. You took the bottle of Smirnoff, turned on your heels and walked towards your dorm hall. You hated Jake. You really hated Jake.

—

Your midterms came and went. The stress decreased slightly, but only to be raised again as the end of the semester loomed around. Assignments started piling up, various papers and presentations due all around the same week. Since the end of Spring Break, you had been holed up in your room, left to your mountains of homework.

Your Microbio class had a presentation due that coincided with the research project you had been working on all semester long. Human Anatomy and Physiology (or affectionately known as BIO 312) had a major cumulative exam on the entire semester, which stressed you out more than any other homework assignment or exam you had.

Thankfully, your school held an all day event that attempted to boost the morale of the students on campus. Filled with a bunch of free things, you took advantage of everything offered.

Lined up on tables were various student organizations set up, with their own little games and prizes. A few of them had speakers that played the music they wanted to listen to, all speakers attempting to outman the other. However, the one that ended up winning was a tie dye station located in the lawn, handing out free t-shirts to dye.

One of the guys at the tie dye station had a wide smile on his face while his hands were dripping with dye. Setting your prizes down at a table where Tamia and Mel had put their things, you walked over to him. He welcomed you over with a smile, “Hey! Lookin’ to tie dye?”

“Yeah, I’m a medium.” You smiled at him, blocking the sun with your hand. He called over to Benny, asking him to pull a medium out for you. Benny handed you the shirt with a smile. “I’ve never dyed anything before.”

“Never?! That’s a crime against mankind, darlin’, let’s get this shirt dyed.” He spoke, talking you over the colors in each of the buckets. He explained to you some basic color theory, although you had remembered that from your high school painting class, you didn’t stop him; he was pretty when he spoke.

The curls on his head stuck out from the shaved sides, the gold of his earrings stood out underneath the blistering April sun. He licked his lips often, using the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his forehead. He helped you pick out the style you wanted, making sure the rubber bands were placed exactly where you wanted them. “I’ll dip them in the bucket for you so you don’t get your hands dirty.”

“Thank you. I could’ve managed on my own, but I definitely appreciate it.”

“Of course. What’s your name?” You offer up to him, before he lets out a chuckle. You question him with a pull of your eyebrows. “Jake talks about you.”

“You know Jake?”

“Yeah, he’s my twin.” As soon as the word left his mouth, you could see the resemblance; you almost scolded yourself for not realizing it sooner. They were similar, especially in their features and their eyes, although the two of them had very distinct color differences. Josh, as he told you after dropping the bomb on you, had warmer eyes, filled with caramel colored hues of brown in relation to Jake’s colder tones; his eyes were a darker shade of brown, with the occasional gleam of flirtation laced within the reflection.

He spoke quite differently from Jake, mostly just with the sound of his voice. It matched their eyes, their personalities. Josh’s bright, bubbly stature followed in his voice, almost theatrical as he spoke. “I guess that makes sense, you two do kind of look alike. Minus the hair, of course.”

“Well, of course. Mine’s better,” you liked that about him - how kind his tone was. You attempted to grill him about what Jake was saying about you, curiosity flowing violently through your bloodstream as if it lit your body on fire. “He just says that you’re second in the Bio class you have with him, and that it makes you mad.”

“It does, Jake’s never there. I’ve seen him three times, and two of those times were for exams.” Josh wrung out the part that had been soaking in the dye for a bit, watching the water fall back into the bucket.

“Yeah, it’s cause he’s working all the time, if I’m honest. Jake stays home during the week to work at the nursing home in our hometown. We don’t really have a large CNA population, most of the people who work there are highschool kids, so Jake’s really been their guy. Especially since high school, as soon as he graduated he moved to full time. All the old ladies love him.” He snorts, dipping your shirt into the blue dye.

“I didn’t know that.” You thought he was lying about where he was, which is why guilt started to eat away at you. You felt terrible for making assumptions, but you couldn’t take any of that back now.

“Jake doesn’t talk to a lot of people, but we love him anyway.” You chewed at your bottom lip, rethinking your opinion of Jake. “You goin’ to the concert later tonight?”

“Hadn’t decided. Mel and Tamia want to, so I’ll probably end up going. Are you?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll probably go.”

“Do you know who’s playing?”

“Some local band I think? I’ve heard a lot of the girls think the frontman’s pretty handsome.” He spoke with a smirk. You promised him you’d go, just to see if the girls had been right. He handed you your t-shirt to hold while he grabbed you a plastic bag. He also handed you a piece of paper with instructions on how to take care of your new tie dye.

“Make sure when you wash it, you wash it by itself. Otherwise, you’ll dye all of your other clothes and believe me, you don’t want that,” he chuckled, as if he was speaking from experience.

You thanked him with a warm smile, waving to him before returning to your room. As soon as you got back, you opened your window, allowing the air flow to travel inside. It kept you cool, allowing you to walk around comfortably with a t-shirt and shorts on. You put your plastic bag in the closet of your room, writing on your white board to remember to take it out and wash it tomorrow.

You texted Mel and Tamia, knowing that Mel would probably have some smart comeback about why you want to go to the concert. It wasn’t that you didn’t join them on nights out, you just had a lot riding on your academic success. Not only because you were the first one in your family to go to college, but also because of your mass of scholarships that only continued to flow if your GPA was at a suitable level. Anything below a 3.2, and you would lose almost all of them.

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

Are we going to the concert tonight?

From: The 3 Dumb Sluts - Mel

Are you offering to come with us without us needing to beg and plead for you to join?

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

Don’t make me take it back, Mel

From: The 3 Dumb Sluts - Tamia

We’re absolutely going. Come to mine whenever you want to get ready :)

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

The doors open at 8 right? I’ll be over about 5:30-6ish. Gotta finish up this paper for Heinz real quick

You locked your phone before they could scold you for doing homework on a day that was designated for relaxation and recuperation. You pulled out your Anat and Physio binder, pulling out the sources you printed off in the library. You ran through the last one with a blue highlighter between your teeth. 

You set an alarm on your phone for five o’clock, saving enough time for you to shower.  You were about halfway through the last page when your timer went off. You silenced it, attempting to hurriedly finish highlighting the page. The article was placed onto your desk, highlighter returned to the cup on your desk filled with various writing utensils.

You pulled out your shower caddy, putting it on top of your dresser before pulling out your robe. You laid it over the edge of your bed, removing all of your clothes. You threw them into your hamper and put on your robe. You slipped on your slides, grabbed your caddy and traveled to the bathroom.

Underneath the uneven streams from the showerhead, you thought about Jake.

Maybe your first impressions of him were wrong. When Josh told you about the nursing home back in their hometown, you felt instantaneously bad for assuming that he just never showed up. You knew from what Jake had told you, that he had work, but you figured that was just an excuse.

You bit at the skin of your lips, hands on your shoulders as you soaked the warmth of the water in. You were pulled out of your thoughts very quickly as someone flushed the toilet, making the water fade in from super hot to super fucking cold. You hated the school’s water system.

You finished your shower quickly, drying off with the towel slightly before putting your robe on and throwing your hair up into your towel. You walked back into your room, locking it behind you. You set your caddy back where it originally was.

You threw on a pair of jean shorts that hadn’t seen the light of day since early October, pairing it with a long sleeve shirt that you had gotten back in high school for Christmas. It was plain, brown, but hugged your body well. The sweatshirt debate lasted a few seconds before you remembered how hot it was going to be outside. A record temperature for mid-April, almost 80 degrees outside.

When you checked your phone getting back from the shower, it was just barely five thirty. You texted the groupchat again, asking if it would be cool to come over a half an hour earlier than you had originally said. You knew it was a dumb question, you would always be welcome in their room. You chuckled at Mel’s response of, “Are you fucking dumb? Of course you can come over. Bring wine if you have any left! No carry-in’s allowed at the concert.”

You put your phone down for a second and slipped on a pair of shoes that were comfortable enough for you to stand in for a long time. They used to be white, but had gotten progressively dirty from the years of use. You shoved your phone in your back pocket and slid a few different bottles of wine into your backpack, separated by extra clothing so the bottles didn’t clink together.

You walked down the stairs, out the door and over to the other dorm building across the walkway. You scanned your keycard to get into the building, walking through the hallways waving to the RA on duty, McKenna. She had been in a few of your classes and was always incredibly nice.

Her room this year was actually a few down from where you were living. McKenna was a great RA, knowing exactly how to handle the rowdiness of the floor while still keeping the resident’s respect. She didn’t bother them unless she needed to, and they didn’t bother her unless needed. She kept it underwraps about the underage drinking that would inevitably happen, mostly by telling the floor they could do what they want, as long as they were quiet by quiet hours (which was around ten thirty on the weekdays, and one in the morning on the weekends).

You took the elevator to the second floor of East Sunderland, getting off as soon as the doors opened. The booths that had previously been up had begun to dissipate, bringing the plastic tables back into the buildings they belonged in. You took a last glance at the people cleaning before heading into Mel and Tamia’s dorm building.

You knocked on the door, coming as soon as you announced yourself to Mel and Tamia. The girls laughed as you walked in, looking at a picture of Mel from when they were a kid. The two of them showed it to you as you settled your bag onto Mel’s chair in the corner of their room. “Your buck teeth! Oh my God, you were adorable, Mel.”

“Oh shut up, I bet you didn’t look any better.” Mel spoke to Tamia, making the three of you laugh. “Anyways, what wine did you bring?”

“The Barefoot we didn’t finish the other weekend, and then I still had some Rose, so I brought those over too. I wasn’t sure what we were feeling.” Tamia pulled some glasses from her shelves, passing them out to the two of you. You filled their glasses with the Rose you brought.

The three of you talked specifics on the plans for tonight, hitting up another fraternity party as soon as the concert ended. There were two separate ones going on at the same time, so the two of you weighed your options over which one to go to. “The Sigs are throwing one, but I’d rather die. Delta’s throwing one, too, we’ll go to theirs instead. And maybe see if anyone’s at the Sig party that we like and stop there before heading back to the dorms.”

You walked down with them to the Athletic Department, hoping to have gotten there early enough to get a good spot. As soon as the doors opened, you were filtered through the doors, making sure that you were students with the college. The three of you half ran to the barricade, settling yourselves against it on the right side, although still somewhat in the middle.

The show wouldn’t start for quite some time yet, the three of you talked amongst yourselves about upcoming finals, what you had to do for various classes. You also found a few people around you to chat to while you waited, hearing laughter roaring through various parts of the crowd.

A few students from the Admissions Office had taken the stage, playing a random playlist of music that matched what the band was going to be playing. Rock thundered through the speakers, filling audience members with anticipation. Rochel addressed the student body, “Hello everyone!” welcomed by the sounds of cheers and screaming.

“We’ve got about fifteen minutes before the band comes on stage, so help us warm them up to the stage!” Everyone clapped, although some of the girls around you looked unenthused as they stared down at their phones. You checked yours for any text messages from any family members. You had nothing, so you put it back in your pocket.

Around four songs played before Rochel turned the microphone on again. Everyone shouted before she talked. “Well, it’s that time! Please, give a warm welcome to Greta Van Fleet!”

Rochel and the two other students walked off the stage, passing by what you had assumed to be one of the band members. He sat behind the drums, smiling and waving off into the crowd. You cheered for him along with Tamia and Mel, cheering just as loud when their bassist walked onto the stage. Both of their hair was longer, goofy smiles on their faces as they got situated with their instruments.

Your mouth hung open as you watched the last two boys walk on stage, seeing the twins. Jake’s eyes scanned the crowd as he slung his guitar over his shoulder. He found you after a moment, sending a smirk your way. You closed your mouth, glaring at him. Mel laughed at you, noticing your demeanor shift. “How we doin’ tonight everyone?”

Everyone cheered. “A lot of you might know me and Jake, seen us on campus and stuff. It’s wonderful to see all of you here, coming to support us as we celebrate the onslaught of spring! It’s been a particularly warm one today, so make sure to drink water! There’s plenty to go around.”

Jake started them off, pick between his fingers as he strummed the beginning chords to one of their songs. Some of the girls had begun to scream, shouting at Jake’s response to Josh’s little speech before he began playing. His signature smirk formed, watching the girls go crazy, eyes scanning the crowd before he found you again.

As Jake continued to play, he looked over to you any time he could. It was hard to tear your eyes away from him, enthralled by the way he looked on stage. You tried your hardest, truly, to look at any of the other boys on the stage aside from Jake but you just couldn’t. He fit the stage just right, bringing the attention away from Josh and demanding to be seen by the entirety of the crowd. He belonged up there.

Jake went to the center of the stage during his solo. Josh lingered around the drummer, keeping to himself, drinking whatever was in his cup. They kept on playing as Jake took the spotlight, everyone cheering and screaming for him. You kept silent, wanting to hear him play. His fingers worked against the frets of the guitar, not before sliding down and up it quickly. 

You tried to hide the awe you were in, but your friends knew. They saw it written all over your face. The frustration and annoyance you felt when you first spotted Jake on stage dissipated the second his guitar solo began. You swallowed thickly, watching as his attention turned from his guitar to you, pointing it in your direction. Your cheeks flushed, and your thighs pressed together.

This was going to be a long night.

The second the concert was over, Josh thanked everyone for coming. His smile was wide as he waved goodbye to everyone, walking off next to Jake who had his guitar by the neck before he passed it off to one of the stage hands. Josh put his hands on his shoulders as they walked off stage.

You stuck around mostly waiting for the crowd to die down before trying to leave the building. Mel and Tamia talked about the show, saying that it was fucking dope, commenting on how excellent Jake’s playing was. You didn’t speak about Jake’s playing, mostly praising Josh for his spectacular performance. “I never expected that voice to come out of him, how heavenly.”

“Talking about me?” Jake cuts through your conversation, walking over to you with Josh not far behind. You roll your eyes. Tamia and Mel congratulate him on such an amazing performance, gushing about how sweet his guitar looks. “Why thank you, ladies.”

“Mel! I didn’t think you were going to be able to come.” He gushed, wiping his hands on the sides of his khaki shorts he had changed into.

“Yeah, well, Miss Quiet over here wanted to see her archnemesis, didn’t you?”

“I-I–” You turned your head slightly towards Jake, who had an amused smirk written all over his face. “I did not, Mellie, stop lying.”

“By the redness of your cheeks, sweetheart, I’d say she was telling the truth.” You had barely noticed that Mel, Tamia and Josh had slipped away from the two of you, leaving you alone.

“I didn’t even know you were playing.” You admitted shyly, hiding underneath a guise of innocence.

“Even if you did, you looked pretty hot and bothered by my playing.” You held the back of your arms, trying hard to maintain eye contact with him. You looked into his eyes, they were staring straight at you.

“Yeah, sure. I actually came because Josh said he was going. He neglected to mention that he was going to be singing,” you looked at Josh who wore a smile that read ‘guilty as charged’ before patting you on the shoulder.

“Hey, you didn’t ask. You just asked if I was going.” You rolled your eyes and chuckled slightly. “Anyways, Sam and Danny are gonna spend the night in my room, so I’ll have to find somewhere else to be tonight. Are you guys going to either of the frat parties tonight?”

“We’re going to the Delta party. The Sigs’ reputation is not the best, and I don’t feel like seeing whether or not it’s right.”

“That is completely understandable. I shall see you ladies there then. You coming, Jake? We still have a lot to put away.”

“Yeah, in a second,” he turned towards Josh who had begun to walk away, waving him off before turning back to the three of you. “I hope you guys enjoyed the show, maybe I’ll catch up with you at the party.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, actually, I would.” He smiled at you before joining the other boys cleaning up their amps and cords.

“Jesus Christ, the two of you just need to fuck or something. I don’t think I can handle another interaction like that,” Mel joked, making a gagging face when she finishes her sentence. You pushed at her arm, turning around and walking out of the gym.

Tamia and Mel giggled profusely about your and Jake’s rivalry. The two even started making bets on when the two of you would finally ‘get it on’, as Tamia put it. You just rolled your eyes at the conversation, changing the subject to something different.

—

The party, though filled with lots of fun and drinking, was a bust. While Josh had shown up with his younger brother and his brother’s friend, as you learned, in tow, Jake was nowhere to be found. You thought to ask Josh why he wasn’t there, but he was too busy dancing with Micah. Through the grapevine, you learned that Micah and Josh had been together since high school.

You stayed around the party for almost two hours before you wanted to go back. A small part of you had wished Jake had actually come. You wondered if maybe the two of you would get along if you put your competitive nature aside. You tried not to dwell on thoughts of Jake’s absence for too long, wanting to enjoy the rest of the night with your girls. But when you had enough of the party, you shouted in Mel’s ear to let her know you wanted to leave.

Mel and Tamia had made sure you got back alright about two hours into the party. Your legs were tired and your feet had begun to hurt. The two of them stumbled with you back to the door of your building, making sure you were inside before leaving to go back. They almost came in with you, until you insisted otherwise.

Laying on your bed with your head pointed towards the ceiling you started thinking about Jake again. What was his reason for not being at the party? Did he just make those comments beforehand just to rile you up? It seemed like the only valid reason your impaired mind could come up with.

You grabbed your phone, almost dropping it on the floor. You sluggishly opened Instagram, and searched for Jake’s profile. You scrolled through, looking at the few photos he did have on his page. Most of the pictures he had were of his guitar, or places he’s traveled. You were sent into a panic when you realized you had accidentally liked an older picture of Jake’s, one from freshman year of college. Hurriedly, you unliked it and immediately locked your phone.

That had been a few days ago.

Now it was Wednesday and your first final exam was here. It was for the class you shared with Jake, BIO 312.  It wasn’t exactly final exam time, but Professor Heinz was going to be away at a conference for a week starting Friday. You didn’t mind, though, since it spaced out your other finals enough to have a decent amount of time to study for them.

You sat at your desk, looking over your notecards one last time before the exam began. A frequent look around the room and you noticed Jake walking in, going to a random seat a couple rows in front of you. He set his bag down next to him, before bending down to grab his laptop. He noticed you watching him and sent a wink your way.

You looked away as you tried to hide the rush of rosy skin that fanned over your cheeks and heated up your ears. You tried to ignore him again until at least when the test started, embarrassed that you got caught looking at him. Your phone pinged and you pulled it out of your bag to look at it, as well as turn it on silent.

jacobtkiszka wants to send you a message.

You swallowed and hit the notification taking you straight to the message.

“Person who turns their test in last pays for coffee?”

Your lips curved into a small smile, feeling your fingers type the first thing that comes to your head.

“Hope you brought your wallet with you, Kiszka.”

You put your phone on Do Not Disturb and shoved it back into your bag. The professor walked through the door, setting her things down on the desk in the front of the room. Her coffee mug still had steam coming from it, freshly poured. A quick look of her watch after getting settled and it was time to start the exam. “Okay, everyone. It’s time for class. Take out your laptops and begin your exam. You may leave when you have finished. Thank you for a great semester, and good luck.”

The questions on the exam were all ones that you knew and had studied for for weeks. It was strenuous, trying to remember everything on the cumulative exam. You had hoped it would go quickly and you would answer them faster than Jake could. Occasionally, you turned to look at Jake, seeing if maybe he was trying to look at you too.

With one question left of your exam, you click the answer and press submit after a minute of debate. You had a bad habit of second guessing yourself occasionally; it was actually the bane of your testing experiences. You hated when you felt confident about an answer, until you really sat with the other possible answers it could be.

You put your laptop back into your bag, zipped it up and noticed that Jake had already left. You cursed to yourself, knowing that now you had to buy Jake a coffee. You waved goodbye to your professor with a smile and walked out the doors. Jake sat outside of the classroom at one of the tables they had throughout the building. “Whatcha reading?”

“Josh recommended it to me, but I’m going to be honest, I fucking hate this book.” He laughed, shoving it into his bag. “You know any good coffee shops around here? I’m kind of tired of Starbucks.”

“I just so happen to know the best coffee shop in town, but it is a bit of a walk, if you don’t mind that?” You asked, walking through the door that Jake was holding before muttering a thank you to him. 

“I could also drive, if you’re okay with that.”

“I’m more than okay with that,” you chuckle, letting him know that your dorm building had enough stairs; any chance you could get to use an elevator, or get driven somewhere, you would take that opportunity in a heartbeat.

The drive was short in comparison to the twenty minute walk it would have taken to get to the shop. Jake tried to offer the radio to you, but you let him play what he wanted to listen to. You didn’t know exactly who was playing, but the blues music that played through the speakers was a breath of fresh air.

Your typical shuffle had a plethora of music from differing genres, whether that be rap or old country. You hadn’t known much when it came to blues music, especially the difference between good blues music and bad. Eventually, you got the courage to ask who was playing and Jake answered, letting you know that the song was by Buddy Guy. “It’s called She Suits Me To A T. I tried for weeks to learn this song when I first started playing music more seriously.”

“This is the coffee shop, at the next corner.” You watched his hand as he made a right turn, noticing him steering with just the palm of his hand. Letting the leather steering wheel glide back to its original position in his hand, elbow propped on the door with the window rolled down.

It’s all you thought about on your way into the coffee shop, completely relying on autopilot. Your responses to Jake were almost textbook, one word sentences that could continue the conversation without much effort. “What’re you thinking of getting?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. I usually have them surprise me,” you admit, shoving your hands into your jacket. “Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not. That’s the gamble you take.”

“I like that a lot, actually. I think I’ll have them surprise me too, if you don’t mind.”

“No, not at all.” You smiled at Jake before he went to order for the two of you. You found a place to sit in the meantime, offering a spot towards the windows so you could watch people come and go, each on their own paths of life.

By the time Jake sat down, both of the coffees were in his hand. After a few questions, Jake set the iced drink down in front of you, and the hot drink in front of himself. “Yours is an iced chai, with brown sugar syrup and vanilla. Mine is some sort of tea, I wasn’t really paying attention to what she was saying. I just wanted to remember what she put in yours in case you liked it.”

“Oh,” you spoke, bringing the cup towards you. “Thank you, that’s really sweet. Do you like your drink?”

“You know, it’s really not bad. I wouldn’t have gotten it otherwise, but it’s really not bad.”

“You hate it.”

“I hate it. It’s not good.” The two of you chuckled before you offered him a sip of your drink. “Mhmm,” he moaned. “That’s good, oh my God.”

The two of you continued small talk, whether it was over the classes you had previously taken, memories of parties from past years – anything. You shared previous high school experiences, mostly about the ridiculous things that were considered parties in your teenage years.

Conversation with Jake was surprisingly a lot easier than you thought it would be. Especially since you’ve hated him pretty much your entire college career. You figured he’d be stuck up, aware of his academic achievements and ready to flaunt them in front of anyone who’d listen.

He was the opposite. His sentences were wrapped with kindness, and the reflection in his voice seemed nothing but positive. His voice was like silk, he could’ve talked you into damn near anything as long as his voice sounded like that. It hurt when the conversation slowed, spending a few moments to take in the scene around you two, as well as finally being able to drink more of your drink (which was very delicious, it was almost like crack).

“How long have you been playing guitar?” You asked after the silence became almost uncomfortable to sit with.

“Oh jeez. I’ve been playing since I was… like three? Yeah, three.” You stared at him with eyes slightly wide, mouth agape. “What?”

“N-Nothing, that’s just a really long time. You’re what, 21 now?” He clarified that he was only twenty, his birthday roughly a week away. You poked fun at him, mentioning how you were older, even if it was by less than a year.

“Josh is throwing us a birthday party, if you want to come. Since it’ll be our 21st, we’re having it at our parents cabin on Lake Michigan. You’re welcome to bring Mel and Tamia if you’d like. Sam and Danny are going to be there, even though they’re underage, but we’re gonna pretend like they’re older.” Jake spoke with one last sip of his drink, letting the empty cup echo on the table as he set it down.

“I will let Mel and Mia know. I can’t make any sure decisions without talking to them first, but I’m pretty damn sure that they’ll say they would love to go.”

“Yeah, I don’t think they’ll say no either. They seem pretty adamant that you have a little crush on me or something,” he said, putting your cups inside of a bus tub to be picked up and washed.

“I don’t have a crush on you,” you laughed, walking out of the coffee shop with Jake. “I actually hate you, remember?”

“You may say that you hate me, but you’re not really good at showing it.”

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 4 thoughts

woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day… 

this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.

wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.

(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)

in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.

liveblogging commences below 

we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!

she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her…. 

he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her…. 

and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!

oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.

this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious 

scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.

okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense 

they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him. 

scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!

scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities. 

mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.

anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.

but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there… “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH

BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥 

“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!

(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)

mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?

back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.

okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.

mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture

no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.

(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)

wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.

oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning

scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!

cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.

now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.

they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”? 

(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)

oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…

but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???

in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.

a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.

oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black. 

WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!

scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.

mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.

WOAH, WHAT?

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”! 

(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)

((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))

scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something. 

oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.

he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch. 

he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what. 

(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)

the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things! 

mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!

scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.

mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky

scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something….. 

it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…

mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!

instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!

NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!

is she gonna be drugged from that….

(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)

they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.

he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…

but he really does seem confused. 

however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.

gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?

“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?

gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.

then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH? 

(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)

a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself 

oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(

gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder. 

OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO! 

mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!

gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…

scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.

mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!

but she cannot hear me….

NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!

AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!

he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.

back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.

OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german… 

so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair. 

NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go. 

he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!

good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)

he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.

so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy

she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!

back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!

they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!

gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!

mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.

mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time. 

scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.

“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)

WHAT THE HELL.

okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words. 

i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.

second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.

third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste. 

okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral

i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes. 

but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now. 

deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:

apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc

well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together? 

canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering 

[rottenraccoons]

So sorry if you've gotten this question before! I looked through the asks tag but couldn't seem to find it. Regardless, I don't mean to take up your time!

I noticed that in the official trailer on itch.io, (and in the intro when I open the game) each character is listed with what initially looks like a scientific name and a diagram with their chapter one CGs. Keir and Francisco's names are either a one to one exact copy of the names they use in game or very close, in Francesco's case.

With Oleander and Cirrus, both characters that have more reason to use fake names (because it's said in game the Oleander frequently changes his name for his ~*mystique*~ and Vesper speculates that Cirrus' name is likely not his true name, but still says a lot about him,) they have different names. Cirrus is called "Presbyter" which from a quick google search means "elder or minister (most often of a church)" and Oleander is listed as "Nerii" which, from looking up the wikipedia page for the "Daphnis Nerii," also called the //Oleander// hawk-moth. So, I was wondering (if it isn't spoilers to answer) if their true names have been right under our noses this whole time? With Oleander possibly being named Nerii and Cirrus possibly being named Presbyter?

Also, their titles of a sort are listed after their names in what might be latin(?), with Cirrus' "Ecclesiae Lunaris" meaning (from google translate, mind you, I haven't done a deep dive into latin) "a formal congregation of believers of the moon;" Keir's "Cavillator Fur" meaning "one who jeers or mocks a theif(?);" Oleander's "Perriculosum Scurra" meaning "Dangerous clown" (or more likely in this case, "Dangerous Showman;" and Francisco's (Franciscum's) "Innocentes Nobiles" meaning, unsurprisingly, "Innocent Noble."

I just wanted to point this out and ask about it because I really appreciate all the work that has gone into this VN- it's one of the best that I've ever read, and that alongside the beautiful art (the sprites and of the stunning backgrounds, the music that perfectly sets the tone...) and it really is such a breathtaking visual novel. This has- no joke, taken over my brain since I found it three, four days ago, and I couldn't be more happy about it. The work you do is phenomenal.

On a more personal note, too, Cirrus has very much captured my attention, and although I usually don't like to sub all that much, the sheer //intimacy// of scenes with him has me sold on his route. I also love how he holds Vesper to a higher standard- looking through the player guide, all of the other three LIs all have good endings that don't necessarily require getting the maximum affection, bur Cirrus' best ending does require maximum affection (there are, of course, ways to slip up and make up for it later, as stated in the guide, but still.) (That's not to say I don't like the other LI's, they absolutely have my attention, but I do have a favourite, ahaha)

The safeword menu is very much appreciated, and I do so love always having that option of backing out without having to close the game altogether.

OH ALSO I happen to have noticed more things while rewatching the trailer Each character has a number corresponding to them. Cirrus has the number 18, Keir has the number 20, Oleander has the number 11, and Francesco has the number 10. Later on in the trailer, after the character introductions, each of these numbers flashes again, connected to a title and a subtitle. For 18, the latin connected to Cirrus, it says "obedience", with the subtitle meaning, from a quick google translate, "sweet to heaven." For 20, the latin connected to Keir, it says "fate," with the subtitle meaning, "yours or a stranger" For 11, the latin connected to Oleander, it says "patiently" with the subtitle meaning "as you have" and for 10, connected to Francesco, it says "time" with the subtitle meaning "runs" I can guess that this is connected to their routes somehow, because Cirrus values obedience from Vesper, and he //is// a priest. I'm actually not sure about Keir or Oleander's stuff, but Francesco is acting with a certain amount of urgency, so I assume it has to do with him trying to get the full "experience" as it were before he has to take on the family business. Either way, I love love love the details in the trailer, it's absolutely wonderful to pause to try to catch the little things (Also, as an addendum to my last ask, I am not realizing that Keir's title likely means "sarcastic thief," and I might've taken the translation too literally) Obscura has given me a Catagory Five Autism Moment, and that is absolutely a complement! Great work!

So I showed all this to Mugi, who did those images for the trailer, and she was thrilled to see this analysis!!

(I have censored one thing to preserve the mystery~)

A bunch of the stuff in the trailer will probably make more sense the more you know about the guys and their stories, but yesssssss please keep analysing things, we put stuff in there on purpose for people to play with!

[sunflowers-and-scales]

hey!! i draw stuff (and write too. sometimes) :))

u can call me sunny if you like (and i’ll take requests//suggestions but only sfw pls :0)

also pls talk to me abt:

persona 3 and 4

ace attorney (!!!!)

hunterxhunter

animal crossing

tomodachi life (do ppl still play this)

pokémon

the owl house

spiderverse

the dragon prince

disastrous life of saiki k

deltarune (a little)

other stuff probably too idk what all of my interests have been ever

i put oc art under the tag #sunflowers and scales

if you want to draw them (pls i will love you forever) you can do the same :D

v oc info under here v

main oc intro stuff!! (feel free to skip this, but i draw them a lot so in case ur interested)

from left to right:

ryu:

little sheltered rich kid boy & ambulatory wheelchair user. he lives in a big beige mini mansion on a coastal cliff and is perpetually bored until ian breaks into his home and drags him on an adventure. he’s also kind of part fish (though my ocs have an elemental system so i guess it’s “water element” technically lol)

he enjoys: rain, cats, his friends, the color blue, video games, alone time

he does not enjoy: the color beige, yelling, crowded public spaces, heat, sunburns

ian:

lives in an elemental village taken over by some guy named Duke who also married his mom. he doesn’t know it but he is NOT dukes kid lmao. he’s part plant element, part air element (harpy basically) (hence the shiny silly wings) and he gets kicked out for being the product of an affair whereupon he breaks into ryu’s home and is like “hey help me find my mom again pls”. he is the pathetic wet dog to ryu’s pathetic wet cat.

he enjoys: sunny days, light showers, his friends, sewing

he does not enjoy: fire, small enclosed spaces, extremely coarse dirt

kei:

is ian’s older half brother and is the more emo of the two. he’s part plant-element and part fire-element and can manipulate fire though cannot prevent burns like a typical fire element. he gets wrecked by duke on numerous occasions for trying to have an opinion and/or existing (todoroki/zuko dupe). dw they get him eventually. he’s also shorter than ian and mad about it.

he enjoys: green tea, the beach, studying biology, ample relaxation time

he does not enjoy: loud voices, being alone, not being able to swim, fire hazards

alyce:

part of a second elemental village, this one ruled by her father (and ian’s father (gasP)) who’s an air element (so is she). in line to rule until ian shows up and her dad’s cringe so he gets the throne by default. he does not want it. also their dad gets burned to death three minutes later but that’s kinda irrelevant. she’s extremely well organized and tolerant but also has talons and knows how to use them.

she enjoys: archery, recreational diving, nighttime, quiet

she does not enjoy: cats, molting season, people who talk and/or chew too loud

[lively-potter]

— nepenthe ; part six

— genre ; age gap, angst, fluff, smut, sheltered oc, ceo jungkook, mafia/gang vibes ( kinda/sorta )

— warnings ; please note that in the beginning, the oc is in an abusive home — and if this triggers you please do not read. the oc is of age but nothing smutty will be happening for a while — but there WILL be smut. A small bit of SA is in part two and if it tiggers you, don’t read.

— intro, part one, part two, part three, part four, part five

— 2024 © LivelyPotter all rights reserved

— find me on Wattpad ; LivelyPotter

— taglist ; @ahgasegotarmy116 @jk97bam @yourbobaeyestell

— word count ; 1.4k

***

SOLARIS January 23rd, 2024 Charleston, SC

Six am

I was too excited to sleep anymore. I got up, wrapped myself in my blanket, and watched the sun rise in the sky, hope rekindled within my soul.

Seven am

Father got up, and left for work after eating the breakfast I had prepared for him. I thanked my lucky stars he couldn't recognise the happiness and excitement within my eyes.

Eight am

The cleaning was done twice over. Now, I had nothing left to do but wait patiently for the day to pass on. For the first time in years, I had something to look forward to that wasn't saying my nightly prayers.

Nine am

I was able to find a needle and thread within the contents of my little nickknack box. A happy squeal left my lips once I was able to patch up a tear in one of my favorite pink dresses. I wanted to look pretty for my new friends. Would they like my dress? Most importantly, would Chairman Jeon like my pretty dress? Pink hues spread throughout my face as I thought about the scary man with the pretty eyes. Maybe if I looked pretty, he wouldn't want to get rid of me soon.

Ten am

"Ouch!" I winced, a fine tooth comb tightly wound within my face. I huffed and pouted to myself before taking the time to gently unwind my hip length hair out of the comb. So this is what I get for trying to get my hair to look nice. I pouted harder. Brushing it until it shined was the best I could do. It was better to let it hang loose than to be put back into an unattractive lumpy bun. I couldn't do braids either, Mama hadn't yet got the chance to teach me before she passed. With a resigned sigh, my toes curled back and forth as I brushed through my hair, longingly eyeing the outdoors from my window.

Eleven am

"I'm so bored..." I slumped, back falling onto my bedroom floor, little nickacks strewn beside my body. I flipped onto my tummy and grinned, little hand reaching out to grab a plastic bag where I stashed the hello kitty bandages Chairman Jeon put over my scraped knees. I like saving things that has good memories attached to them. The bandaids reminded me of how I had misjudged Chairman Jeon...and how he had taken care of me so kindly.

A girlish giggle left my lips as I thought about him.

Don't get me wrong, he was scary, and handsome, and had pretty eyes, but I knew there was so much more lurking beneath the surface. Maybe I could catch another glimpse of it?

Twelve pm

I hardly blinked as the minutes ticked by.

Eyes stuck solely on the old clock on the wall, I was impatiently waiting until sun down.

One pm

"Hmmmm....hmmmm...hmmumumum..."

I had nothing better to do than practicing my humming.

I think I was getting better!

At least the dogs hadn't started howling like last time.

Two pm

Only five more hours.

I never knew I was this impatient.

Three pm

Supper is cooking.

Decided to made crock pot chili was a good decision.

Cooking would distract me from my impatentiness.

Four pm

"Please, Mister clock, tick faster!" I stomped my foot with a huff. I tapped my foot on the ground, huffily, glaring up at the clock on the wall.

The ground beef was nearly unthawed so I could brown it, add peppers, garlic, and onions.

All that would be left to do was add the beans, corn, diced tomatoes, and the seasoning packets and combine it all to simmer on low heat.

Five pm

Two more hours to go. I spoke to myself often as I got out the ingredients for cornbread. It went nicely with the homemade chili and Father prefered it that way. I added butter to the baking pan, to keep the bread from sticking, and mixed together the cornmeal, a bit of flour, buttermilk, and fresh jalapenos.

Six pm

Father just got home.

I hunched my shoulders and followed after him to his chair.

I avoided his eyes and meekly slipped his boots and socks off his feet, and handed him the TV remote.

He grunted and snatched the remote from my hands.

"Supper's done, Father." I spoke up, flinching when his eyes shot to mine. "Do you wish for me to get you some?"

He rolled his eyes.

"For fuck's sake, girl. Yes." he sneered exasperated, "and bring me a beer while you're at it."

I jumped at his loud tone.

"...oh..okay, Father." my eyes glossed over when I slowly back away and scattered into the kitchen. My hands shook with nerves while preparing his food.

Grabbing a Modelo from the fridge, I opened the bottle and carried his food out to him.

I placed it on the little table beside his chair, and bowed my head.

It feels as if I'm nothing but a slave here.

To carry out the whims of other just because I was worthless and chained down.

I waited until Father agknowlageed me.

"Chili?" he suspiciously sniffled the contents of the bowl while poking at the square slice of cornbread braced on the side.

"Yes, Father...I made your favorite kind." I whispered, not daring to look at him.

He didn't like me looking at him in the eyes much.

"Hm." he grunted, finally starting to gobble down the food I made. A smile erupted on my face when he didn't spat it out in disgust.

I hoped he would like it.

"Go to your room, girl." Father said around a mouthful of meat, beans, and veggies. "Grechen's gonna be here soon and we'll be busy and I don't want you out of your room."

Happiness flickered within my heart.

Whenever Grechen came over, her and Father never left his room until late the next morning.

This is perfect!

I could go visit my new friends without worry!

Father glared at me over his bowl, "You're not to be seen or heard."

"Yes, Father. I understand." my head was bowed so low he couldn't see the tiny smile on my face.

"Leave."

My feet raced away from the living room, feeling lighter than I had been for a while.

I would try to leave soon...maybe around seven, to make sure I would arrive at a good time.

The moment I entered my bedroom, I locked the door behind me and giggled to myself.

"Almost time, Solaris!" I spoke quietly to myself, slipping the straps of my long nightgown off my frame to slip on the pink dress. This one had quarter sleeves and hid the bruises away from view.

The hem fluttered around my knee caps when I plopped down on my mattress to tie on the same white shoes I wore last night.

I twirled around the room happily, hearing Grechen's loud voice from the living room greet Father.

I took my map, and the mini flashlight I got for christmas before Mama died and added it into my little crocheted bag and strapped it around myself.

Looking around my room, I tidied it up slightly to look better when I came home and gathered up a plan within my mind.

I nibbled on my lower lip and looked outside.

I lived in a one floor house, so it wouldn't be a problem to go outside my window. I woudln't hurt myself or lock myself out since my window had no lock.

But I would have to hurry. Knowing it would take thirty minutes to walk to Ataraxia, I knew I would arrive later than I wished to.

So I would run most of the way.

Seven pm

It was now dark out.

I listened to Grechen and Father's loud voices – growing quieter, and smiled to myself.

I tiptoed to my widow, feeling my heart thump wildly within my chest. Quietly sliding open the window, I inched my body out of the window, and hit the ground with a near silent thump.

So far, my first attempt at sneaking out seemed to be successful!

Thank the good Lord above!

I slid the window down and left it open a crack.

So that my window would appear closed.

With another girlish giggle, my feet pounded on the pavement, hurrying as fast as I could to Ataraxia.

And to the people – no, friends waiting for me there.

author's note ; ✨

I've been all over the place recently, but FINALLY, I get to post the chapters that's been in my drafts! Love u ❤️✨ also, this is only slightly proof read, so please ignore any mistakes, or point them out as I can edit them as soon as I can! If you wanna be apart of the taglist, just lemme know! As always; thank you so much for reading!

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

hiii

do you know about any looong slowburn sterek fics preferably with smut? optional magic stiles👀

hehe thank you❤️

Hi anon. @kevaaronday made this list for you.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words by isthatbloodonhisshirt (25/25 | 434,625 | Explicit | Sterek) “I apologize.” The cop finally looked back up at his face, seeming thrilled. “It’s just—it’s been so long. And we finally have you.” 

That was a bad word. Not found. 

Have. 

Stiles wrenched his hand free and took a step back, but before he could even think up a gameplan, he felt a prick in his neck and jerked away, reaching up to slap one hand against it and twisting in the same moment. 

One of the others had come up behind him while he hadn’t been paying attention, and his vision began to swim even as his eyes caught sight of the half-empty syringe the guy was holding.

Put Down in Words by paintedrecs (31/31 | 203,776 | Mature | Sterek) “Oh,” Stiles said, his voice coming out low and breathy, “fuck me.”

“I don’t think that’s on the syllabus, but we can check to see if there’s a spot open in any of his classes,” Scott said, grinning.

“This isn’t an actual professor, though,” Stiles insisted, unable to resist brushing his thumb over the sharp line of the man’s bearded jaw. He was laughing at something off-camera, the shot taken in three-quarters view, his coat collar casually rumpled and opened to reveal a sliver of a simple grey t-shirt. The whole thing was deliberately calculated to lend him a more accessible feel, and god help him, Stiles was falling for it.

*

When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale’s intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor’s salt and pepper beard.

Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek’s carefully cultivated world into disarray…and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

Most (Im)Proper Proposal by Welsh_Woman (72/72 | 200,136 | Explicit | Sterek) Stiles Stilinski has not seen his childhood friend for going on ten years when Derek Hale insists on meeting him in a barely reputable inn to make a rather startling proposal…

The Hollow Moon by thepsychicclam (10/10 | 180,079 | Explicit | Sterek) It's the summer after Stiles' first year of college, and he's working a crappy job and dealing with nightmares and anxiety - but he's okay, he swears. He makes it through most days without too much trouble. Then, a certain werewolf comes back into town. Which Stiles doesn't care about, nope, not at all. 

After two and a half years, Derek returns to Beacon Hills with his small Pack. Though he tried to move on, something just kept drawing him back to Beacon Hills, he's just not sure what. Now, he figures he can start building something like a life - but he keeps getting distracted by Stiles Stilinski of all people.

Teenage Love Song by HaleHathNoFury (26/26 | 155,834 | Explicit | Sterek) Stiles is sick and tired of how much he fucks up. His dad is disappointed, his step-mom judges and his step-brother can do no wrong. It's not that he doesn't love them, he just gets so tired of being different. Now he's being moved lock, stock and barrel to Beacon Hills aka the town his mom grew up in so they can go live in his grandma's house and his father can get him back on the straight and narrow. 

It's going to suck.

B.E.A.C.O.N. by Mythological_Compendium (43/43 | 140,691 | Explicit | Sterek) "What better situation could there possibly be? We'll be pretty much stuck together, we can talk, drink and maybe later even…”

A scoff. “What? Have reunion sex?”

He shrugs. “It's been four years.”

Same Old Song and Dance by Halevetica (91/91 | 125,721 | Explicit | Sterek) Raised in the hunter life after his father was killed, Stiles hates werewolves. So when he lands a contract to kill the alpha of the pack that killed his father, he's elated. Until he runs into complications. The alpha is smart and strong and playing a game Stiles can't figure out. When secrets are revealed and new enemies made, Stiles must decide for himself what side he's on and who he can trust.

Bruises and Bitemarks by orphan_account (27/27 | 121,566 | Explicit | Sterek) Biologically, Stiles is weak. When he presented as an omega, he knew that to be the truth but that never stopped him from running his mouth as a defense mechanism. However, it could only save him so many times before he ended up pissing off the wrong person. After he's attacked in the parking lot outside of school, Stiles realizes he can no longer protect himself with just pure wit and sarcasm. When the attack lands him in the hospital, his dad forces him to pick between two options, report the alphas who attacked him or join a kickboxing gym run by omega rights activist and alpha, Derek Hale, a man Stiles has been in love with for many years.

Strip by Fessst (23/23 | 117,194 | Explicit | Sterek) "Singletail whip. Your favorite, isn't it?"

Red. Stiles felt nauseated as he bent over the bench. Red. The tremble only increased when his wrists and ankles were secured with leather straps. Red. He heard the Dom behind him give a sample crack of the whip in the air. Red. This would likely pierce his skin. So fucking Red.

"What's your safeword?"

Red.

"Stiles?"

"The... the stoplights, Sir."

Stiles's first introduction to the world of BDSM was a complete fiasco. You see, he had a crush on this ridiculously hot Dom and might have slightly exaggerated (ahem, lied blatantly) a few things on his questionnaire. Five years later the two meet again under a different set of circumstances.

A rare Alphahole by Fessst (27/27 | 110,538 | Mature | Sterek) Weed sale goes wrong and leaves Stiles with a dilemma of either facing prison or enrolling himself in Beta Rehabilitation Program for the next 6 months.

Anything beats prison, right?

Well...

Once he finds out that his assigned Responsible Alpha is the asshole who landed him in trouble, to begin with, Stiles is not so sure anymore. Especially since he has to fucking marry the guy! 

the trees call your name by spaceprincessem (2/2 | 107,656 | Mature | Sterek) “That was a long time ago,” Derek finally said, his face falling into its usual cool facade.

Stiles felt like he had been punched in the gut. Two worlds, right? Except, it had never really been two worlds at all. If they lived in two worlds, Stiles wouldn’t feel this unexplainable ache that ran deep in his bones. It had always been one world, with water slipping into the cracks, until there was an ocean between them. Stiles was always caught in the riptides, dragged out to sea where he was left to drown, sinking below the surface as Derek grew further and further out of his reach.

“Yeah,” Stiles agreed, forcing his lips to turn up in the corners, noting the slight crack in his voice, “long time ago."

aka the high school friends to lovers ranch au that no one asked for, but the one that i wrote anyway. This fic is finished, I will just be posting it in two parts!

Far From Any Road by doctorkaitlyn (28/28 | 103,835 | Explicit | Sterek) Stiles Stilinski is a young, chronically sleep-deprived detective who's manipulative and morally dubious at best. He's fairly certain that, in the years since he started working for the California Bureau of Investigation, he's seen most of the horrible things that the world could possibly throw at him.

But that's before a body turns up in an alley in Beacon Hills, brutally tortured, with a symbol burned into its back. It's quickly followed by a second and third, and when Stiles is unable to find any hint as to who the culprits might be, his father decides to bring in some outside help.

His name is Derek Hale, and he too has seen some truly horrible things, only some of them on the job.

Stiles hates him immediately. But Derek may be their only hope for solving the case, so Stiles reluctantly agrees to accept his help. 

As it turns out, neither of them have seen anything close to the depths of human depravity that await them in the woods and down the back roads surrounding Beacon Hills.

All a Pack Needs is a Little Spark by thornconnelly (21/21 | 82,884 | Mature | Sterek) Fork in the road fix-it that basically changes everything starting... an hour before the show actually starts. idk.

Stiles has a premonition that he NEEDS to go into the forest on a random night and saves Laura before Peter can kill her. Stiles doesn't know what he's gotten himself into, but he decides to help out the stray dog he finds in the woods, and then ends up joining a werewolf pack... as their Spark... because apparently he's got magic. 

What ensues is my whole-hearted desire for the Hales to have nice things.

[dustedmagazine]

Listening Post: Kim Gordon

Kim Gordon has long been one of rock’s female icons, one of a tiny handful of women to get much play in Michael Azzerad’s underground-defining Our Band Could Be Your Life and a mainstay in the noise-rock monolith Sonic Youth. It’s hard to imagine that quintessential dude rock band without Gordon in front, dwarfed by her bass or spitting tranced out, pissed off verses over the storm of feedback.

Yet Gordon’s trajectory has been, if anything, even more fascinating since Sonic Youth’s demise in 2011. A visual artist first — she studied art at the Otis College of Art and Design before joining the band — she continues to paint and sculpt and create. She’s had solo art shows at established galleries in London and New York, most recently at the 303 Gallery in New York City. A veteran of indie films including Gus van Zant’s Last Days and Todd Haynes I’m Not There, she has also continued to act sporadically, appearing in the HBO series Girls and on an episode of Portlandia. Her memoir, Girl in a Band, came out in 2015.

But Gordon has remained surprisingly entrenched in indie music over the last decade. Many critics, including a few at Dusted, consider her Body Head, collaboration with Bill Nace the best of the post-Sonic Youth musical projects. The ensemble has now produced two EPs and three full-lengths. Gordon has also released two solo albums, which push her iconic voice into noisier, more hip hop influenced directions. We’re centering this listening post around The Collective, Gordon’s second and more recent solo effort, which comes out on Matador on March 8th, but we’ll likely also be talking about her other projects as well.

Intro by Jennifer Kelly

Jennifer Kelly: I missed No Home in 2019, so I was somewhat surprised by The Collective’s abrasive, beat-driven sound though I guess you could make connections to Sonic Youth’s Cypress Hill collaboration?

The more I listen to it, though, the more it makes sense to me. I’ve always liked the way Gordon plays with gender stereotypes, and “I’m a Man” certainly follows that trajectory. What are you guys hearing in The Collective?

Jonathan Shaw: I have only listened through the entire record once, but I am also struck by its intensities. Sort of silly to be surprised by that, given so many of the places she has taken us in the past: noisy, dangerous, dark. But there's an undercurrent of violence to these sounds that couples onto the more confrontational invocations and dramatizations of sex. It's a strong set of gestures. I like the record quite a bit.

Bill Meyer: I'm one of those who hold Body/Head to be the best effort of the post-Sonic Youth projects, but I'll also say that it's very much a band that creates a context for Gordon to do something great, not a solo effort. I was not so taken with No Home, which I played halfway through once upon its release and did not return to until we agreed to have this discussion. I've played both albums through once now, and my first impression is that No Home feels scattered in a classic post-band-breakup project fashion — “let's do a bit of this and that and see what sticks.” The Collective feels much more cohesive sonically, in a purposeful, “I'm going to do THIS” kind of way.

Jonathan Shaw: RE Jennifer's comment about “I'm a Man”: Agreed. The sonics are very noise-adjacent, reminding me of what the Body has been up to lately, or deeper underground acts like 8 Hour Animal or Kontravoid's less dancy stuff. Those acts skew masculine (though the Body has taken pains recently to problematize the semiotics of those photos of them with lots of guns and big dogs...). Gordon's voice and lyrics make things so much more explicit without ever tipping over into the didactic. And somehow her energy is in tune with the abrasive textures of the music, but still activates an ironic distance from it. In the next song, “Trophies,” I love it when she asks, “Will you go bowling with me?” The sexed-up antics that follow are simultaneously compelling and sort of funny. Rarely has bowling felt so eroticized.

Jennifer Kelly: I got interested in the beats and did a YouTube dive on some of the other music that Justin Raisen has been involved with. He's in an interesting place, working for hip hop artists (Lil Yachty, Drake), pop stars (Charli XCX) and punk or at least punk adjacent artists (Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Viagra Boys), but nothing I've found is as raw and walloping as these cuts.

“The Candy House” is apparently inspired by Jennifer Egan's The Candy House, which is about a technology that enables people to share memories... Gordon is pretty interested in phones and communications tech and how that's changing art and human interaction.

Andrew Forell: My immediate reaction to the beats was oh, The Bug and JK Flesh, in particular the MachineEPs by the former and Sewer Bait by the latter. Unsurprisingly, as Jonathan says, she sounds right at home within that kind of dirty noise but is never subsumed by it

Jennifer Kelly: I don't have a deep reference pool in electronics, but it reminded me of Shackleton and some of the first wave dub steppers. Also, a certain kind of late 1990s/early aughts underground hip hop like Cannibal Ox and Dalek.

Bryon Hayes: Yeah, I hear some Dalek in there, too. Also, the first Death Grips mixtape, Ex-Military.

It's funny, I saw the track title “I'm a Man,” and my mind immediately went to Bo Diddley for some reason, I should have known that Kim would flip the script, and do it in such a humorous way. I love how she sends up both the macho country-lovin’ bros and the sensitive metrosexual guys. It's brilliant!

This has me thinking about “Kool Thing”, and how Chuck D acts as the ‘hype man’ to Kim Gordon in that song. I'm pretty sure that was unusual for hip hop at the time. Kim's got a long history of messing with gender stereotypes.

Bill Meyer: Gordon did a couple videos for this record, and she starred her daughter Coco in both of them. The one for “I'm A Man” teases out elements of gender fluidity, how that might be expressed through clothing, and different kinds of watching. I found the video for “Bye Bye” more interesting. All the merchandise that's listed in the video turns out to be a survival kit, one that I imagine that Gordon would know that she has to have to get by. The protagonist of the video doesn't know that, and their unspoken moment in a car before Coco runs again was poignant in a way that I don't associate with her work. And of messing with hip hop!

Tim Clarke: “Bye Bye” feels like a companion to The Fall’s “Dr Buck’s Letter.”

Bill Meyer: From The Unutterable? I'll have to a-b them.

Tim Clarke: That’s the one.

Jonathan Shaw: All of these comments make me think of the record’s title, and the repeated line in “The Candy House”: “I want to join the collective.” Which one? The phone on the record’s cover nods toward our various digital collectives — spaces for communication and expression, and spaces for commerce, all of which seem to be harder and harder to tell apart. A candy house, indeed. Why is it pink? Does she have a feminine collective in mind? A feminine collective unconscious? The various voices and lyric modes on the record suggest that's a possibility. For certain women, and for certain men working hard to understand women, Gordon has been a key member of that collective for decades.

Jennifer Kelly: The title is also the title of a painting from her last show in New York.

The holes are cell phone sized.

You can read about the show here, but here's a representative quote: “The iPhone promises freedom, and control over communication,” she says. “It’s an outlet of self-expression, and an escape and a distraction from the bigger picture of what’s going on in the world. It’s also useful for making paintings.”

Gordon is a woman, and a woman over 70 at that — by any measure an underrepresented perspective in popular culture. However, I’d caution against reading The Collective solely as a feminist statement. “I'm a Man,” for instance, is told from the perspective of an incel male, an act of storytelling and empathy not propaganda. My sense is that Gordon is pretty sick of being asked, “What's it like to be a girl in a band?” (per “Sacred Trickster”) and would like, maybe, to be considered as an artist.

It's partly a generational thing. I'm a little younger than she is, but we both grew up in the patriarchy and mostly encountered gender as an external restriction.

As an aside, one of my proudest moments was when Lucas Jensen interviewed me about what it was like to be a freelance music writer, anonymously, and Robert Christgau wrote an elaborate critique of the piece that absolutely assumed I was a guy. If you're not on a date or getting married or booking reproductive care, whose business is it what gender you are?

There, that's a can of worms, isn't it?

Jonathan Shaw: Feminine isn't feminist. I haven't listened nearly closely enough to the record to hazard an opinion about that. More important, it seems to me the masculine must be in the feminine unconsciousness, and the other way around, too. Precisely because femininity has been used as a political weapon, it needs imagining in artistic spaces. Guess I also think those terms more discursively than otherwise: there are male authors who have demonstrated enormous facility with representing femininity. James, Joyce, Kleist, and so on. Gordon has always spoken and sung in ways that transcend a second-wave sort of feminine essence. “Shaking Hell,” “PCH,” the way she sings “I Wanna Be Your Dog.”

Jennifer Kelly: Sure, she has always been shape-shifter artistically.

The lyrics are super interesting, but almost obliterated by noise. I’m seeing a connection to our hyperconnected digital society where everything is said but it’s hard to listen and focus.

Bill Meyer: Concrete guy that I am, I’ve found myself wishing I had a lyric sheet even though her voice is typically the loudest instrument in the mix.

Andrew Forell: Yes, that sense of being subsumed in the white noise of (dis)information and opinion feels like the utopian ideal of democratizing access has become a cause and conduit of alienation in which the notion of authentic voices has been rendered moot. It feels integral to the album as a metaphor

Christian Carey: How much of the blurring of vocals (good lyrics — mind you) might involve Kim’s personal biography, I wonder? From her memoirs, we know how much she wished for a deflection of a number of things, most having to do with Thurston and the disbandment of SY.

Thurston was interviewed recently and said that he felt SY would regroup and be able to be professional about things. He remarked that it better be soon: SY at eighty wouldn’t be a good look!

Andrew Forell: And therein lies something essential about why that could never happen

Ian Mathers: I know I’m far in the minority here (and elsewhere) because I’ve just never found Sonic Youth that compelling, despite several attempts over the years to give them another chance. And for specifically finding Thurston Moore to be an annoying vocal presence (long before I knew anything about his personal life, for what it's worth). So, I’m in no hurry to see them reunite, although I do think it would be both funny and good if everyone except Moore got back together.

Having not kept up with Gordon much post-SY beyond reading and enjoying her book, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this record. After a couple of listens, I’m almost surprised how much I like it. Even though I’m lukewarm on SY’s music, she’s always been a commanding vocal presence and lyricist and that hasn’t changed here (I can echo all the praise for “I’m a Man,” and also “I was supposed to save you/but you got a job” is so bathetically funny) and I like the noisier, thornier backing she has here. I also think the parts where the record gets a bit more sparse (“Shelf Warmer”) or diffuse (“Psychic Orgasm”) still work. I've enjoyed seeing all the comparisons here, none of which I thought of myself and all of which makes sense to me. But the record that popped into my head as I listened was Dead Rider’s Chills on Glass. Similar beat focus, “thick”/distorted/noisy/smeared production, declamatory vocals. I like that record a lot, so it's not too surprising I'm digging this one.

Jennifer Kelly: I loved Sonic Youth but have zero appetite for the kind of nostalgia trip, just the hits reunion tour that getting back together would entail.

Jonathan Shaw: Yeah, no thanks to that.

RE Christian's comment: Not sure I see deflection so much as the impossibility of integration. We are all many, many selves, always have been. Digital communications interfaces and social media have just lifted it to another level of experience. Gordon sez, “I don't miss my mind.” Not so much a question of missing it in the emotional/longing sense, more so acknowledging that phrases like “my mind” have always been meaningless. Now we partition experience and identity into all of these different places, and we sign those pieces of ourselves over, to Zuck and the algorithms. We know it. We do it anyways, because it's the candy house, full of sweets and pleasures that aren't so good for us, but are really hard to resist. “Come on, sweets, take my hand...”

Bill Meyer: I would not mind hearing all of those SY songs I like again, can’t lie, although I don’t think that I’d spend Love Earth Tour prices to hear them. But given the water that has passed under the bridge personally, and the length of time since anyone in the band has collaborated creatively (as opposed to managing the ongoing business of Sonic Youth, which seems to be going pretty well), a SY reunion could only be a professionally presented piece of entertainment made by people who have agreed to put aside their personal differences and pause their artistic advancement in order to make some coin. There may be good reasons to prioritize finances. Maybe Thurston and/or Kim wants to make sure that they don’t show up on Coco’s front door, demanding to move their record or art collection into her basement, in their dotage. And Lee’s a man in his late 60s with progeny who are of an age to likely have substantial student loan debt. But The Community is just the kind of thing they’d have to pause. It feels like the work of someone who is still curious, questioning, commenting. It's not just trying to do the right commercial thing.

Justin Cober-Lake: I’m finding this one to be a sort of statement album. I’d stop short of calling it a concept album, but there seems to be a thematic center. I think a key element of the album is the way that it looks for... if not signal and noise, at least a sense of order and comprehensibility in a chaotic world. Gordon isn’t even passing judgment on the world — phones are bad, phones are good, phones make art, etc. But there’s a sense that our world is increasingly brutal, and we hear that not just in the guitars, but in the beats, and the production. “BYE BYE” really introduces the concept. Gordon’s leaving (and we can imagine this is autobiographical), but she’s organizing everything she needs for a new life. “Cigarettes for Keller” is a heartbreaking line, but she moves on, everything that makes up a life neatly ordered next to each other, iBook and medications in the same line. It reminds me of a Hemingway character locking into the moment to find some semblance of control in the chaos.

Getting back to gender, there’s a funny line at the end: one of the last things she packs is a vibrator. I'm not sure if we're to read this as a joke, a comment on the necessity of sexuality in a life full of transitory moments, as a foreshadowing of the concepts we’ve discussed, or something else. The next item (if it’s something different) is a teaser, which could be a hair care product or something sexual (playing off — or with — the vibrator). Everything's called into question: the seriousness of the track, the gender/sexuality ideas, what really matters in life. Modern gadgets, life-sustaining medicines, and sex toys all get equal rank. That tension really adds force to the song.

Coming out of “BYE BYE,” it's easy to see a disordered world that sounds extremely noisy, but still has elements we can comprehend within the noise. I don’t want to read the album reductively and I don't think it's all about this idea, but it's something that, early on in my listening, I find to be a compelling aspect of it.

[inexplicablepeas]

Tale of the Body Thief Thoughts

I finally read Tale of the Body Thief, my long-ass thoughts under the cut (spoilers for the whole book of course):

Other than Pandora (and you'll have to excuse my weird reading order but after QotD I had to read TVA, and then I had to read B&G to get Marius' perspective and then it just made sense to read Pandora while that was fresh in my mind(!!)) this is the first new to me read in the series since I started my re-read - I wasn't sure what to expect with this one, which is also new because the previous three books I read are basically THE books for those characters, which is a lot of expectation and does lead to disappointment when certain things aren't covered, whereas I was putting a lot less pressure on this one, it's just more Lestat shenanigans! 

It was interesting to see that Anne is also kind of managing expectations in Lestat's in-character intro chapter when she kind of warns the reader that this isn't going to be an epic, millennia-spanning, multiple POV tale like Queen of the Damned was - I guess she had her concerns about how this one would be received in comparison! Speaking of the intro I really liked it, it was fun (Lestat intros usually are), very silly and meta with Lestat exorcising some writerly angst as he witheringly lists out a bunch of famous banger first lines and lets the critics know that the "sensual", "humid" style is here to stay. Other than this fun meta stuff it's pretty clear in the intro that Lestat is NOT DOING OK, he's in a dusty period, not really taking care of himself or spending time around any other vamps apart from Louis (who occasionally deigns to leave his rundown shack to watch his TV). It's not surprising after everything that went down with Akasha that he's not doing well (and I know I just said I wasn't putting a lot of expectations on this book but wow, it is really frustrating that he's sparse with the details of what went down at Night Island, although this does fit with his overall character journey in this book, he's just desperately trying to avoid dealing with his feelings about everything that went down by any means possible for most of it). I do wonder how this was received at the time, I can imagine a lot of fans being frustrated that the Night Island coven era just gets skipped here as there's so much promise for various character interactions and shenanigans that's just left to the imagination, I'm sure that people must have built up some expectations between QotD and this book.

Anyway, as for the story itself, I really enjoyed it! Lestat's time as a mortal is packed with so many darkly humorous moments and I just feel like Anne was having a lot of fun venting the frustrations of existing in a mortal body through this character who's become alienated from the inconveniences and humiliations of that particular reality over the past couple of hundred years. Lestat as a mortal is really pathetic, he's scared of everything, he's a whiny disaster and it just goes to show how much he's gotten used to living life with the cheat codes on as a vampire. He was chosen for this life by Magnus for his courage and now he's afraid of taking a shit.

Lestat is looking for an escape in this book from an existence he's come to find intolerable, he's suicidal at the start of this tale, attempting to end himself in the sun of the Gobi desert, then crawling back to David's English country manor to lick his wounds when that fails. A few days after recovering from that he's desperately pursuing the perceived opportunity that Raglan James, the Body Thief, presents him with - a holiday in a mortal body - while willfully ignoring all the red flags and alarm bells about how untrustworthy this guy is. He's reeeally in a bad place, desperate! Obviously Raglan has no intention of giving him his super vampire body back after the switch so finding himself stuck in a mortal body he's given the opportunity to make the choice that was taken from him by Magnus: this time he chooses a vampiric existence over mortality of his own free will, easily. Kind of a huge character moment! Going forward he has to face that he chose this over a chance for 'salvation' with Gretchen (a missionary nun/nurse he has a short love affair with after she nurses him back to health from the second sickness he suffers in his short time as a mortal due to neglecting his body).

Although most of the QotD cast are conspicuously absent (I'm most curious about how come Armand wasn't all up in his business as usual!) there are quite few good Louis/Lestat interactions that really add a lot to their relationship now that they're reconciled after the events of QotD. They're very slowly coming terms with their love for one another! The other major characters in this book, apart from Raglan, the body thief himself, are David, Gretchen and ofc Mojo. Along with Lestat we learn a lot about David in this one, about his youth prior to joining the Talamasca as a big game hunter turned Brazilian witchcraft adept. David turns out to be a pretty interesting character, he seems confident and wise, yet he's naive and too trusting where Lestat's concerned. His story fits in very well with the themes of the hunter becoming the hunted in this book. Gretchen's character symbolizes the choice Lestat has to make about living out a natural (and good and self-sacrificing) life in this mortal body he finds himself stuck in or getting his supernatural (but evil, petty and entirely self-serving) life back. She's another one of Anne's tortured creative genius characters, having given up a potentially very successful career as a pianist in what she believes was a bargain with God to save her mother's life. Except she's not actually all that tortured by the choice! Very interesting parallel with Nicki there (and she has a looot in common with Sybelle too, way past the point of coincidence). Mojo is a perfect addition to the cast, 10/10 no notes, goodest boy. His relationship with Lestat is the greatest love story told in this book!

Overall I found this to be a great read, the plot keeps you guessing and moves along at a good pace, we get a great insight into how Lestat's (not) coping after the events of QotD, some nice Loustat content (not a major ship for me but I vaguely want those crazy kids to figure it out)! The best part of it is really the dark and gross humor of Lestat having an absolute mental breakdown over basic human bodily functions and limitations. IDK why it took me so long to read this one!

[hayatoseyepatch]

now, ofc, i have to ask for a match up! i love them too much to resist. and especially now from you? how could i miss that chance?? 🤍

so, let me tell you about myself: i'm an introvert! 90% intro, 10% extro. i think a lot, constantly thinking about five different things in different languages all at once. i'm very observant and unfortunately mirror people's vibes if i feel uncomfortable or put on the spot. but i love interacting with people that fuel my energy, where i feel real joy and not tired of yapping at all. i love sarcasm, i love bad jokes, i love to challenge people that have negative opinions about important topics. but i suck at giving presentations, i have very bad anxiety when it comes to speaking loud and in front of a lot of people. i also have a very quiet voice to begin with. despite being a thinker, i'm highly emotional in my relationship, love physical touch and being taken care of teehee

some of my interests/hobbies are definitely working out (i do it twice a day), doodling, gaming, reading (actual books as well not just smut 🙃), studying up on history, cooking, and any fixation my adhd deems worthy for a few weeks

i'm not good with ignorant people, i point out bad behaviour on the spot. i speak my mind. i hate baking but man, i love cakes. i also love spice, it's my favourite type of food category. anything spicy, really. oh, and i'm quite indecisive ;-;

fandoms: i need to pull my joker here... you gotta help me, sam. choose between wind breaker, jjk, or blue lock for me

tropes: enemies to lovers, soulmate, love at first sight are probably my top three, not counting dc tropes here 🫣

my type: sylus. I MEAN, i love someone who is in control, who can control me and situations. someone where i can feel safe and turn off my brain for a bit. i don't like to doubt myself or the relationship, so i love honesty. they need to speak their mind as much as i do. i gravitate towards more domineering men, 50/50 on the batshit crazy or kind guys, really. like eevee said, i have a type: the type is trees, i love climbing trees. i like it when they take initiative and show me more than what i have known prior to meeting them. i love a man who can make me laugh! and passion, pls, i'm a scorpio, i love romance and passion in my relationship ahdjsj. someone who can keep up with that is my type 😏

favourites: nagi, rin, barou, kunigami, umemiya, endo, geto, choso, sukuna, inumaki, nobara, utahime, shoko, mei mei dont judge me, beside that weird thing she is so fkn badass

icks: i dislike boring slow pokes/dumb characters and child-like characters. someone who won't put in effort. pls no short king, i'm too tall for them. else i most often find the mc to be lacking to get my interest, i love the bad guys and the side characters

that is all, thank you, dearie <3 remember to take breaks and stay hydrated!!

Tea my absolute BELOVED, I am so excited you decided to participate!! UGH I have had thoughts on yours from the moment I decided to set up this event. LETS GET INTO IT!!

I pair you first with Hajime Umemiya!

⤜♡→ Okay listen, this has actually absolutely nothing to do with the fact I know he’s one of you faves. I am fully going into this with no favoritism or special treatment. I just genuinely think your personalities go so well together. Extrovert x Introvert is one of my favorite ship pairings and I think you both are a perfect case!

⤜♡→ Hajime immediately took you under his wing upon first seeing how reserved and shy you can be at first. He was DETERMINED to pull you out of your shell. What Umemiya wasn’t expecting to fall more and more in love with you with every passing day and with every interaction where he got to peel back your armor.

⤜♡→ Ume is so excited to hear that you love spicy food, because do you know what he’s doing? He is immediately going to the greenhouse where he purchases his seedlings to plant you your own section of pepper plants in his garden. He is so excited when he shows you, going on to tell you how impressed you’ll be with him once he cooks you all your favorite spicy foods. With Kotoha’s help of course.

⤜♡→ No one can tell me that Ume's love language isnt acts of service and physical touch. His favorite past time is taking care of you. he craves the feeling of you in his arms, and will stop at absolutely nothing to ensure you feel every ounce of his love at any given moment. He has lost so much in his life and he was sure to let you know every hour of the day just how precious you are to him.

Umemiya couldn't keep the smile from his face if he wanted to. To him there was something so intimate about bathing with you, it was one of his absolute favorite things to do with you and something he craved after a long day. It had nothing to do with seeing your beautiful body exposed to his gaze, well it had a little to do with it let's be honest here, but he just adorned the skin-to-skin contact that came with this time. Feeling your warm skin so close to his own was his own little slice of heaven.

His lips pressed against your shoulder leaving a trail of kisses along your skin. "You're so beautiful, baby." He hums in contentment against your skin, arms wrapping around your middle as his larger frame dwarfs your form. "I'm so unbelievably lucky that I get to call you mine." His praises of you are whispered against your skin between kisses. His large hands roaming your form as he washes your body for you. "And you're all mine Isn't that right, sunflower?" He grins when you hum in agreement. "And that tattoed freak can never have you right?" Cue Ume getting splashed in the face with water. "Okay I earned that one." Come on Tea it's me you really thought I wasn't gonna mention Endo?

Your next matchup goes to Choso from JJK!

⤜♡→ Choso holds such a special place in my heart, and so do you!! Choso is the older brother type, and has so so so much love to give, If you need to just unwind and have someone ready to nurture and care for you, to just allow you to shut off and recharge for a bit he is definitely your man!

⤜♡→ I feel like Choso is so often mischaracterized as a submissive, while I fully believe sometimes Choso will let you take the reins, this is Choso “you hurt my brothers, its on sight” Kamo we’re talking about here. He has no problem taking control of the situation in and out of the bedroom. And if anyone would dare to make the mistake of hurting or upsetting you, this man would watch the world burn if it meant keeping your smile on your face.

⤜♡→ He is intensely loyal and very passionate, Choso may be a bit behind on the times. But he will consistently go out of his way to show you all the love and appreciation you deserve, which is simly all of it!

⤜♡→ He is nothing short of desperately in love with you. Choso wants to spend the rest of his time on earth with you. He wants to build a family wth you, share a last name, and love you with every fiber of his being.

⤜♡→ He loves seeing you and Yuji interacting, he wants nothing more than the two most imprtant people to him to get along and develop a care for one another the way he cares for you both.

Choso leaned down, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he held the icing bag, he knew your distaste for the act of baking itself but he knew how much you enjoyed cakes. Choso was extremely perceptive when it came to you and how you were feeling. He always noticed even the most minute details. The furrow in your brow, the way you tended to fidget a bit more, how your voice had gone back to a quiet octave. He noticed it all. So he had taken it upon himself to surprise you. He spent the day watching countless videos on cake decorating just so he could impress you with your favorite cake to come home to after the week you’ve had.

He perks up upon hearing the sound of the front door turning he smiles wide, eyes melting with affection as he walks over to you. Leaning down he cups your face in his hands, pressing a long loving kiss against your lips. Dragging you into the kitchen once he pulls from you, presenting you with the cake. Your eyes widen a bit s he presents it to you. “Did you make this Cho?” You ask, eyes wide with surprise at his action. He nods his head, giving you confirmation he did in face make it himself.

The icing is haphazard, it truly isn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen but the knowledge that he made this because he knew of your love for the sweet made you melt into his embrace. “It's perfect Cho.” He could swoon at your words, dipping his finger into the icing and plopping some on the corner of your lips. “Oh would you look at that, it seems your dessert got on my dessert, looks like I need to clean it up.” He coos teasingly before leaning down to capture your lips once more.