#this is a vent btw i do NOT want to hear any of your suggestions

[lavender-jukebox]

How about parental decepticon stuff? I like the episodes where Tarantulas and Starscream end up as mentor figures

I love this idea...I hope I did it right-

Characters are Starscream, Soundwave, Tarantulas, Shockwave, Breakdown

(Reader is human btw-)

Enjoy!

Starscream

Will gladly answer any questions you have about himself or about the history of Cybertron

He's protective of you weither you're bot or human.

he'll take you for flights in his cockpit when you've had a bad day and let's you vent whatever you need to.

He tries his best to be a role model for you but thinks because he was a decepticon he isn't good at it

You two have deep talks about the past and listen to eachother

Seems like he doesn't care for platonic cuddles but actually loves them

Likes to praise you for things you've done

Gives headpats

If you ever do anything that could involve you getting hurt, get ready for a stern lecture and a shit tone of scolds when you explain your reasoning

He just wants you to be safe and happy :)

Soundwave

Probably the most parental decepticon out of them all

NEVER let's you out of his sight and insists you either stay beside him or sit on his shoulder

Gets a little worried if you and Frenzy ever rough house (cause you is a fleshie)

If you wanted, he would teach you how to hack

Has unlimited patience and you test this. All the damn time.

He always knows when's somethings up, but won't force you to tell him if you don't want to

If you want any affection he'll give it to you

VERY PROTECTIVE and will kick someone's ass if they lay a atom on you

He can be stern in more serious situations but doesn't intend to make you upset

If you're ever hurt he goes into mom mode and patches your injuries no matter what size

Likes it when you sit on his shoulder and blabber nonsense. He's all ears to hear what you have to say, no matter how stupid it seems

Tarantulas

Questions himself how he "adopted" a human but goes with it

Always keeps you within a distance where he can pluck you up if he senses danger

If you're energetic he'll let you climb and swing from his extra limbs

Some days you can convince him to play hide and seek

If he sense someone coming, he has a tiny burrow hole your size and hides you in there

A little paranoid if you leave the lab that G.H.O.S.T might find you so you have a little living space

Likes to poke you with his extra legs to make you giggle

Will teach you new things and walk you through whatever inventions he's making

Is happy if you offer to help him

More than happy to comfort you in a situation and has many limbs to hug you better

Shockwave

He's like the strict dad who has eyes on the back of his head

Ironic for someone with only one eye but-

When you try and sneak out the lab or go for a walk, he'll ask where you're going or what you're doing without even turning

If you give him sass, he'll sass you back and you guys have a lot of playful bickers

Basically "home schools" you but not really

Just teaches you something new every day

Seems like he hates affection but will hold you in his hand or let you fall asleep on him as he works in the lab

Listens to every word you say and gives suggestions to help

You stump him all the time with shower thoughts

He makes sure you're healthy and makes you drink 8 cups of water a day as well as eating meals

Does not take no for an answer

Doesn't matter if you're 10 or a grown ass adult, he'll put you in a corner for time out

Oh he knows you're too old he just does it cause he's petty like that

Breakdown

Not the best influence but definitely one of the more fun ones

He'll take you on energon runs as he explains to you not to turn out like him

Takes you to an empty street or raceway to absolutely speed

He cracks dad jokes all the time.

If you have a bad day he'll try to make you laugh by jokes or something

He's protective of you to the point where when he knows the littlest thing of G.H.O.S.T in the area, yall are gone

Teaches you how to fight in case of an event where he cannot be there for you

Doesn't mind carrying you or letting you sit on his shoulder

He might be a douche sometimes and moves the shoulder you're on to catch you off guard

Laughs when you swear

I wouldn't say he's like a parent but more so a parent / big brother type of guy

=========================

[shipcestuous]

To the anon dealing with hate comments:

Unfortunately, if you're getting a sudden influx of them, it's indeed possible that someone might have shared your work. It happened to me once, when someone put me on a list of "problematic writers" in a certain fandom, complete with screenshots of my fics. Thankfully, in my case, I was apparently not popular enough to "deserve" much more than a couple of rather uninspired insults in my inbox. The whole died down pretty quickly after that, and I can only hope they'll stop bothering you soon, like they did with me.

Anyway, from what you said, it sounds like you're already being very sensible in your reactions: moderating your comments is a very good choice when you know that having them under something you wrote would only upset you, and so is not engaging with those commenters. There's so way to make them stop, not unless you disable comments entirely and wait some time before enabling them again, and I totally understand why you might not want to do that... but they will get bored, eventually, especially if you don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they're affecting you in any negative ways. Just hold done, and know that you're the person behaving in a mature, effective way in this situation!

That said, I can't recommend enough venting to your friends, especially if they're fandom/Online friends or they're otherwise familiar with fandom/online spaces, or even just to people you get along well with in fandom/online spaces. Knowing there's someone out there who agrees with you and supports you goes a long way: even when you do already know you didn't anything wrong, having someone look in from the outside and confirm it to you, as well as listen to you express yourself, can be very validating and even cathartic.

Of course, this is assuming that you have someone in your life who you can trust not to judge you for shipping incest, whether they share your interest or not. I'd never suggest you come out, so to say, to someone when you don't feel comfortable or safe touching the subject with. But people you can be a bit vaguer with and trust not to press you for details, who will hear, for example, "some people are targeting me and my story with hate comments because they don't like the ship I write for", and simply say "wow, those people sound like jerks, they should just mind their own business and leave you alone!", can also be a great help.

Worse come to worse, venting on anon on safe spaces like this blog (btw, thanks for awesomeness, Astrid!) might already be a good first step.

I know this might all sound obvious, but I find that sometimes, "obvious" things are the last ones we think about in these situations. Sometimes we think "oh, yeah, I already know that I shouldn't let the haters get to me, that's a given, but I should focus on more practical things now" but really we only "know" it on an intellectual level and fail to internalize it, while feeling deep down inside us that it would be too "immature" to fully express our emotions and ask someone else for understanding and validation or even just a chance to talk about what's happening in detail.

... also, this is something rather personally that I understand won't work for everyone else, but I think spitefics can be a healthy way to let off some steam. Sure, you should write for yourself and not because you're focusing on what someone else might want or not want from you, but there can be a sense of affirmation and pride in saying "oh, you hate when I write this? You think I should stop writing it? Well, I'll just write even more of it, then!" Don't go gifting these works to the people harassing you or mistagging them so more people will see them, obviously, but they can be a way to turn an upsetting experience into an effort to tap into your creativity and even pamper yourself, putting yourself and what you love first as a shield against the negativity you've been subjected to. One time, I was told there was something wrong with me that I need therapy for and that my writing was a sad waste of talent, all because I'd decided to explore some very dark themes and dynamics in a clearly fictional context, and I used that comment to find the motivation I needed to write an even darker story that I had been considering for a while and post almost right after the first one. And you know what? Working on that second story felt good, because I was putting a lot of passion and care into it, and then posting it was so satisfying, like saying "you know what? You can say whatever you want. You won't make me feel bad about myself. You won't make feel guilty about something I have all the right to do. Take your backhanded compliments and don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out."

As for why antis do what they do... I think there might be a few different reasons. Frustration in their everyday lives leading them to pose as "saviors" protecting more vulnerable people in online spaces. A need for control or an ego boost because they feel helpless and insignificant in other aspects of their lives. Naivety and an insecurity that brings them to look for "strong," loud people to tell them how to act and what to think and give them a sense of purpose and of being always on the "good side" in the case of the "follower" types. Depending on the fandom, some instinctive feeling of being threatened by other cultures and customs. And then, of course, some of them simply enjoy being bullies.

[x]

Thank you so much, Anon, that's a really helpful response for all of us.

I can't believe you were singled out in a fandom for being a problematic writer, that's awful. The antis truly are incredible. They definitely protected more people than they hurt by doing that (!)/s.

I got a negative comment just two or three days ago (on Wordpress not on AO3) and those kinds of things really do get under your skin no matter how much you understand, on an intellectual level, that the one posting hurtful comments is the one in the wrong.

To work hard on something and then to excitedly post it and to have all of these good feelings about sharing it, only to receive something negative in return, it's rough.

Another thing to remember is, like you said, Anon, the antis get tired and go away, but the works we're all producing endure, and for people who like them and are interested in them, they'll have value forever. A good fic is a good fic forever. Long after the antis are gone, people will be reading and enjoying our stuff. And for every vocal anti there are countless silent lurkers.

And I'm sure there are people on AO3 who don't kudos on certain fics because they don't want their username associated with it, and I'm sure we're all guilty of not leaving as many comments as we wish we had.

[mes0p0tamia]

How the Vessels Would Comfort Someone (maybe you..? idk that's for you to decide) After a Breakup/emotionally traumatic situation etc.

the lovely @callmemephistopheless requested I write this <3. I usually don't like to write x reader stuff so it could be x reader if you feel like reading it that way; (it's more focused on the boys and their reactions than who they're comforting sry) but I just couldn't refuse a good idea and a request from a friend. fr though writing this kind of stuff will defiantly help improve my writing and help me improve my characterization of the boys in other works (Also it really warms my heart to have people suggesting ideas, so if you have any, I would absolutely LOVE to hear them. please.). Enjoy!

the nature of the relationship between the vessels and the person (or self-insert) is totally up to you btw

Vessel

obviously, vessel would not be very good at comforting people. the only person worse at it is ii. look at him Hes all fucked up!

He used to be worse at it, but ever since he became sleep's Vessel vulnerability has been easier. He's now more comfortable being vulnerable around others and knows how relieving it can be to vent and talk about things. So, he encourages people to talk to him about that stuff, especially the other vessels and the worshippers.

He comforts from a place of understanding. It's easy to tell that he is quite uncomfortable (he's new at this be patient he's trying ok) with someone being upset, or crying in front of him, but it's easy to tell that he understands. Heartbreak and vessel are like, besties. he gets it.

he may not give kind words, or reassurance, but he makes sure that it is known that he understands, and that he defiantly cares.

I think he'd either sit with you, or just give you space. He probably wouldn't say anything though.

or maybe he'd just let the person talk at him.

Vessel has been in a lot of pain for the better part of his life, and he wouldn't wish it upon anyone. especially anyone he cares about.

ii

Honest to god, I think ii would either run away or seize and die if someone was crying and wanted comfort from him. Obviously, he means well and doesn't want to see anyone he cares about cry, he's just so goddamn bad at it.

Dude has literally no idea what to do.

It's probable that he'll just throw a box of tissues and a blanket at you and dip.

Being serious though, it stems from a place of having no idea how to deal with his own emotions and being vastly uncomfortable with vulnerability (Vessel and iii are trying their damn best with ii).

Vulnerability and trust are extremely hard for him.

I think he might be the type to make food for people. He doesn't have to talk or be expected to provide calming words; he can just not do all of that, and still show that he cares. And I mean it works, his comfort food is heavenly. It's the type of cooking to make you cry because it's so nice, and the fact that he went out of his way to make something.

either that, or he'd just like.. sit there and stare..? kind of...? he's trying his best ok.

iii

iii ofc is the best at this kind of stuff. he manages to offer advice without being condescending, all while still being comforting (they all have no idea how he does it)

He is they type of person to shoulder everyone's burdens for them. It's a big part of the reason why he looks to sad and tiered all of them time.

Yes, Vessel is better at being vulnerable now because of Sleep, but it's also because of iii.

He just has this aura about him that makes you want to talk about things and spill your guts, because you know that he'll understand. He will not only listen, but he'll comfort you, and give you advice (and does he follow his own advice? hell no but that's not the point-)

This 'talking about feelings stuff', however, does not apply to him in his mind. His feelings are his burden and his alone.

One time the other boys noticed he was having a real bad time after one of the rituals, and just could not get him to talk, so they all sat with him in a big group hug type thing (it was more a pile than a group hug. boy pile!). iii actually broke down, it was bad. He's been better since then.

iv

iv is not very verbal with comfort or communication, it's more a physical thing for him. Words are very hard, so this is his solution.

It's like a 'I'll hug you until you stop crying' deal.

His favorite thing to do is be a giant human weighted blanket and just crush the person under him until they feel better.

He feels like the closer he gets to someone physically, the more they are comforted. This may not be right exactly, but it's his logic so deal with it. It works for him, so it's gotta work for other people, right?

He also like, gets pissed off for people. He's the type to be very protective and care so much for the people he cares about. It's hard for him not to be angry when something like that happens. Especially if someone hurts people he cares about.

He is like a giant guard dog that is bear sized.

And unlike the other vessels, he has no problem being vulnerable, he just forgets about his own issues.

He has internalized his own issues to such an extent that they are not issues anymore, just facts of life; they are just things that happen sometimes. And don't get me wrong, he does have breakdowns and they are bad.

But to him its just like, a thing that happens.

he will have a panic attack and then just 'fuck it we ball' his way through a mental health crisis that he's convincing himself isn't real and totally not happening to him.

[commander-hanji-zoe]

Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a headcanon for the vets and og levi squad if they had like a suicidal s/o. I love your blog btw!

Hey - thank you so much! I realise this came into my inbox a long time ago and then I wasn't writing anything. But with NaNoWriMo I'm picking up a few old requests and wanted to write this one.

Firstly – CW/TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts.

These will be a bit repetitive because as always I think the vets and O/G Levi Squad would all be incredibly supportive in their own way. They would all want to do what they could within their power and while respecting their s/o’s wishes, to help. They would be sensitive, they would all also want their s/o to get professional help, whether seeing a doctor, councillor, nurse, private therapist. It would very much be the first thing they would discuss with their S/O, to check whether they were already seeing someone and how it’s going, or if not to see if they could research who would be best to speak to. Mostly all of them would be happy to accompany their S/O to appointments but equally respect boundaries if their S/O would rather go alone.

They would be there to ensure appointments aren’t missed and any medication or practises such as daily diary updates, affirmations etc. also are adhered to – though this will be managed sensitively and without pressure.

I wrote the above because this is such an important and very sensitive topic and one that as a lot of you know, I am very familiar with. I didn’t want to type the same thing for each of the characters so the above is there to read first before the below – it is also there as a reminder to anyone who may need to hear it.

I’m always here to listen if you need someone to vent to, but if you need help, please reach out to your doctor/physician etc. and/or family and friends that you trust.

Erwin

He understands that being suicidal doesn’t mean their s/o wants to die or not be here anymore and rather that it means they’re just very tired, exhausted by the mental pain they are in and Erwin will do everything within his power to comfort them and talk things through. He understands the importance of not getting emotional himself and keeping the conversation going, being rational and calm where possible.

Erwin would want to ensure that he could keep an eye on his s/o if they didn’t live together, suggesting they either take some time away together (in a perfect au reality where he isn’t commander of the survey corps!) otherwise he will suggest you move in with him for a little while just so he’s there for you in the darkest moments.

He would remove things that his s/o could potentially use to harm themselves with but he wouldn’t make a big thing out of it, announce he was doing it or do it when his s/o could see. This would be very intentional so that his s/o didn’t think a big deal was being made or get angry at the response, rather it is a tactical decision from Erwin to protect his s/o subtly.

Mike

Mike knows something is up, he can sense it – there’s a smell to sadness like autumn leaves in rain. Like rot and damp – but he won’t say it for the fear it’ll sound like he’s romanticising it. But he’s got good intuition when it comes to others emptions.

He doesn’t like euphemisms and would rather address the issue straight up, not in a way that’s blunt or unkind. But his s/o is too important to him to beat around the bush. Equally he won’t push his s/o into talking, but he does take it very seriously and needs his s/o to know he’s there for them.

Asks his s/o if it gets too much to please tell him, they don’t even have to speak and can just sit in silence if needed. Mike will encourage going on small walks with him to get fresh air and eating/drinking even if it’s just small amounts frequently, perhaps cooking up a batch of favourite soup so that it isn’t over-whelming for his s/o and certainly isn’t forced.

Encourages baby steps, if their s/o doesn’t feel like doing day to day tasks or small acts of self care he will help but then encourage them to do something for themselves. For example he may brush their hair and then say, “Doesn’t that feel better, how about we brush our teeth together to tick off our morning routine.”

He’ll give them a journal with a few drawings he’s done to make them smile but also so they have somewhere to keep track of how they’re feeling and what makes things better and what makes things worse.

Hanji

Would hate that their s/o felt like this but also would understand, they too have felt the pull when things get too much. Hanji is very protective so would do what they could in their power to help their s/o and be as supportive as possible.

Their way of helping is to provide distraction – whether it’s to involve their s/o in their work and research or to take them for a few days out or perhaps to see a play. Hanji will however avoid large crowds or large groups of friends and be very careful not to do anything too over-whelming, perhaps checking with their s/o what they’d like to do first. If their s/o didn’t want to go anywhere Hanji would force or push going out, but after a few days they would try to gently encourage them to get some fresh air together and go for a change of scenery that may offer a different point of view.

Won’t go to sleep until their s/o is asleep so that Hanji can watch them, scratch their back, stroke their hair, sing, talk…whatever their s/o needs to drift off into a peaceful sleep hopefully free from nightmares. For Hanji they also need this, they need to know that they’re helping somehow, and they need to know their s/o is safe, going to sleep first is not an obtain.

Nanaba

“Oh my love…” Nanaba is so incredibly soft and kind, it breaks her heart knowing how much this is hurting her s/o but she does everything she can to remain composed and strong for them. She doesn’t get emotional or make it about her.

She’ll go a bit over board with buying things to help, from self help books (which after reading a few pages she kind of hates and so hides them), their s/o’s favourite food, drinks, lots of vitamins, books, flowers. She hates feeling helpless but wants her s/o to know they’re not alone.

Very good at late night chats, perhaps out and about, perhaps in the bath. Nanaba will listen without interruption. She wants to know what’s going on in her s/o’s mind and if there’s anything she can do to help. She wants to understand where this has come from, what the triggers are and what can be done to avoid them.

If there’s anything that needs removing from their room/house etc. Anything that makes her s/o feel sad or scared, Nanaba is there to quietly remove them at night and instead replace the objects with things that are nicer and more comforting.

Levi

In many respects Levi doesn’t quite understand and it’s for two reasons, partly because as a person he’s incredibly matter of fact and stoic as a way of life. And partly because he’s fought so hard to survive, after everything he’s been through it’s incomprehensible at first how anyone could want to purposefully end it. But. Levi is intelligent and aware of others and the difficulties, challenges and heartaches that exist – especially when it comes to his S/O. So he will be patient, he will remain calm and not express his initial reaction with his s/o as he wouldn’t want them to feel their feelings were invalid, wrong etc.

If his s/o isn’t up to cleaning or sorting out mundane tasks of course Levi will be there to help out and ensure everything is sparkling and like new. But he also buys a few things that make the cleaning easier and comes up with solutions to help his s/o get through day to day tasks for themselves – reminding them everything they do is an achievement.

Levi can be particularly quiet at times but turns out this is exactly what his s/o will need. Just someone to listen and not react to everything that’s being said. Someone quiet who can hold their hand if they need it and be by their side through it all.

Levi loves being outside and the fresh air – a long horse trek with snacks, tea, lots of healthy mood boosting foods are in order and so he plans a nice trip away for the two of them, hoping this may somehow brighten his s/o’s mood and remind them of the beautiful places in the world. The small things, the simple things and help them believe everything will be okay in the end.

Moblit

This will break him, initially he’ll be asking himself what he did wrong and what he could do better to make his s/o not want to end their life anymore or feel this way. But Moblit is pretty quick to pick himself up from this and realise it isn’t about him and that it is not an individual’s fault. As difficult as it is and as supportive as he will be, he has to remind himself and potentially his s/o depending on their behaviour – that he is not in control of this.

He’ll want to get to the bottom of why his s/o feels like this in a way that sometimes can be a little over-bearing or even intrusive. He doesn’t mean it to be, he’s just certain if he knows what is causing it he can help fix it. Due to his work with Hanji he’s become accustomed to experiments, cause and effect and coming up with solutions. Not to say that his s/o and their mental health is a problem that needs to be solved, he loves his s/o and just wants to use the skills he’s gained to help them where possible.

Will definitely take things easy in terms of the relationship and won’t push for anything physical or romantic if his s/o isn’t in the mood. But will ensure there are lots of sweet, small daily interactions to let them know he is there for them and that he loves them. He needs them to know he is here standing by as and when the support is required.

Will bring back small gifts like flowers, a favourite cake, drinks, a new book his s/o has been talking about. He will also change bedsheets, open windows – especially if the cleaning aspect is something he can do with his s/o rather than just for them. He wants them to feel useful and like they don’t just need looking after all the time.

Oluo

He’ll struggle a lot with this, Oluo isn’t always the easiest person to talk to at first but as mentioned before, once you open up to him or see the softer side he is incredibly caring. The way he behaves, and mimics Levi comes from a place of insecurity.

He’d probably hold his s/o for a long time and cry a little himself, trying to hold back the tears and instead be there for his s/o. But he doesn’t find this as easy as some of the vets do and once his own emotions come out it’s hard to put them back in. But boy does Oluo try and manages pretty well after the initial shock.

Really doesn’t want to be alone again, it means so much to him that he’s found a partner who understands him. He immediately feels selfish after thinking this and probably putting his foot in it by saying it out loud.

Makes big gestures to let his s/o know how much they mean to him – but only privately and realises doing this in public isn’t going to help. Most of all he just wants to know if there is anything he can do to help even if that means giving them a little space, he is happy to step back when needed.

Would perhaps ask Levi for advice and help seek recommendations for a professional that his s/o could see, would make an appointment with their permission and encourage them.

Eld

Eld would manage to stay incredibly calm when he finds out how his s/o is feeling, mostly because he knows this is not the time to over-react or make it about him. Instead he’d want to listen, he may make some notes but it’s for his eyes only and so he can reflect on them later.

Will make sure his s/o stays really hydrated and will bring them water and other favourite non-alcoholic drinks.

Distractions are good but only for a short time, Eld would rather focus on the small every day things that really make a difference, encouraging his s/o and just being there when they need to talk or cry. Is also really good at giving hugs.

Petra

When Petra finds out how her s/o has been feeling she’ll think it’s best if the two of them talk away from things that represent day to day life. Instead, she’ll take her s/o somewhere quiet and peaceful where they won’t be disturbed or distracted. Petra

She’ll encourage her s/o to see someone professional to talk through how they’re feeling and to come up with ideas to help process their feelings, emotions and what they’re going through. If there is anything Petra can do to be more helpful, or any small things she can change regarding her behaviour etc. she will want to know and aim to be the best she can for them – while also taking reasonable breaks for her own mental health.

Sometimes Petra is simply the best person to just hang out with and say nothing, it’s in these silences her s/o finds a lot of comfort. It’s never awkward and there’s no expectations either. It’ll give her s/o plenty of time to think through what they’re feeling and when they’re ready they can talk – until then Petra is happy just to hold them, stroke their hair or just sit quietly reading a book so their s/o has company but it isn’t smothering.

Gunther

Gunther gets it – the world he and his s/o live in has not been kind and sometimes it’s a truly scary place to be. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset him and make him wish he could do something to help, not realising that just being there for his s/o is help enough.

He’s a great listener and won’t be distracted by anything else, rather Gunther is committed to hearing what is troubling his s/o and coming up with some positive actions they can take.

He would remove anything from their home that could harm his s/o or inspire any further negative thoughts, anything triggering, anything they could use to harm themselves.

At night he’d go through some positive affirmations with his s/o and talk about all the things they have to look forward to – not in a ‘don’t do this you have so much to live for’ kind of way, but a general day to day conversation. He’s really looking forward to someone’s birthday or that he’s planned for them.

[theguyinthemathexamples]

Hihi!

the name's CakesInOil, aka theguyinthemathproblems, and i'm that one person in your fyp that takes nothing seriously and also the one that you'd realized has the mental capacity of a squirrel and a very very messed up, and an essentially non-existent sleep schedule the longer you get to know me :))

though, in all seriousness, i'm an ongoing genshin writer and yes, lowercase is intended whenever i write, excluding brainrots, drabbles, and possible future fanfics :DD

if you want to request anything, then go ahead :D

(more utc :]])

just note, tho, that the things I won't be doing are:

nsfw (which, yes, does include suggestive themes)

heavy themes of violence (angst ain't just my cup of coffee tbh, but i will try and experiment with it in the coming future),

anything,, yk, disgusting, which i won't be listing as i'm sure you know what i mean by what i said,

and overall ships that just spell "..why on god did he even allow people like you to exist here on earth??" and "i wonder how god hasn't smite you yet" for your entire mindset and existence.

and if you have any questions regarding my "do not request" limits, just dm me or send an ask. don't worry, i won't bite :))

if you don't want to send a request or an ask and just want to send something random, then go ahead, i won't mind :DD

A few things about me!

i may curse here and there but i'll try my best to tone it down a lot ^^""

i like to do little faces like :D, :), >:(, and etc. so that people can somewhat guess the sentence's context/intentions a little better :>

i'll wake up in the middle of the night and write random stuff that i would have no memory of doing (and tumblr will now have to hear every single end of it :))

i considered drabbles as brainrots bc i didn't know what it was called before

i'm under your bed :) /j

i use any type of pronouns (excluding neopronouns) but mostly use they/them to address myself :D

Custom tags :D

# collective reigning recipes ° : cake's everyday quotes (use them if u want lmao)

# fool's flour ° : cake talks/rambles about things that are mostly irl experiences

# sparkling wheat ♪ : cake talks/rambles about things that are related to fandoms, mostly containing content about genshin and hsr

# perilous eggs ° : cake answers asks/reqs/talks from anons or readers/viewers :>

# moonlit hens ♪ : cake answers asks/reqs/talks from their beloved moots :D

# obsidian-hard sugar ° : cake draws stuff :D

# "titan's wrath" frosting ° : cake... vents about stuff. *silently opens and closes vent on the floor*

# spoiled milk ° : cake spoils stuff, mostly about genshin and hsr

# sunlit cows ♪ : cake makes shitposts whether random or fandom related :)

Fic types :DD

# cherry waterfall * : cake makes a fic series

# scaled vanilla extracts ° : x reader fics

# suspiciously shiny mint chocolate ♪ : character x character fics maybe?

# gold coated cocoa powder ♪ : drabbles/short fics, might turn into cherry waterfalls if motivated enough

# silver lined strawberries ♪ : posts about/fics explaining aus, mostly from genshin and hsr

# stellar-borne cookies and cream ♪ : brainrots/headcannons that are more or less gonna turn into gold coated cocoa powder if braincells go boom boom big and loud enough

# sun-kissed sprinkles ♪ : cake reposts about stuff hehe >:]]

———————————

if i missed anything, don't hesitate to tell me about it :D

btw, yes, i will post very very very slowly, like even more slowly than a snail or tutrle bc i've unfortunately been very very busy as of late :((

"no no no no no BB by be in the na na na na BB I'll buy by by by" - my goofy ahh autocorrect, nov 15, 2022

[drizzileiscool]

pinned post

TERFS, RACISTS, LGBT-PHOBES, PEDOS AND PROSHIPPERS, KINDLY FUCK RIGHT OFF!

(nsfw accounts as well but I'm not as angry at you. but if you post drizzile nsfw then get the fuck away from me)

edit: this post is outdated and will be replaced by an in-character post soon!!

yo! welcome to drizzileiscool, one of the only drizzile propaganda accounts to exist (that is currently still active at the time of writing this)

here you will see me post and reblog things related to drizziles, the best emo middle stage water starter from galar!

occasionally I will also post some things related to my personal life (as well as things that aren't drizziles due to this being my only blog and I want to interact with more people), but if you're only here for the funny persona 3 lizard, you can filter out #not drizzile

this blog is mainly sfw but I will occasionally post some mentions of suggestive stuff as well as a small amount of nsfw jokes (if they're funny enough to warrant me rb'ing them)

blog owner is a minor, please do not talk to me about anything nsfw unless it is related to the conversation

About the blog owner: I am non binary, use any pronouns, and im also bisexual and autistic. I mainly go by either drizzile or sig, but drizzile is preferred if you don't know me from twitter

i will also occasionally be a drizzile if it's funny

if you want to see more(?) of me not posting drizziles however, you can also follow my twitter at sigpuyopuyo

read my carrd btw

tags under the cut

not drizzile - personal stuff, as well as things that, y'know, aren't drizziles. reblogs of other people will not be tagged because I'm too lazy

ideas of drizzile - interesting ideas for different things I want to be real (but aren't)

drizzile is liveblogging - liveblogging things like games, shows, anime, and movies. will definitely clog up your dash so feel free to blacklist this

drizzileposting - pretending to be a drizzile or just interacting with pkmn irl blogs while I'm in character (this tag is no longer being used)

tw suggestive - mentions of suggestive stuff, as well as suggestive/nsfw jokes and memes (posts will probably be deleted if I feel like people don't want to see them, but I will gladly delete them if asked to!)

drizzile tagging tag - me creating tags (ironically this tag wasn't actually made by me lol. it was created by thatoneguy031) (too shy to actually tag you but if you see this congrats you made this tag)

hey future drizzile you should draw this - ideas of things I want to draw but couldn't draw at the time of posting

a Drizzile's Diary - the thing I wrote, originally just a small backstory thing for the (now gone) pkmn irl side of this blog. a human hears about a rumor at school that you can no-clip into the mystery dungeon universe, does exactly that, and wakes up as a drizzile with no memories and only the diary they were holding when they no-clipped. this is no longer canon to the pkmn irl side of this account

important - things that I consider important to this blog, such as announcements

tw politics - references to politics

vent - me being pissed off and depressed

[fairestwriting]

Hello, can I request light music club + Rook and Ruggie helping MC getting over an ex that cheated on them? Platonically btw, hope it isn't too weird sjjdj

ofc!! im reading this as the boys being mcs friends who help them get over said ex, hope i got this right!

Kalim Al-Asim

It's hard to believe someone would feel every emotion of your own relationship's fallout with you, but believe me when I tell you Kalim really does feel every single one of them. If you're crying when you tell him you broke up with your partner and why, he'll be crying with you.

Doesn't put your ex down exactly, but won't spare any words when it comes to talking about how cruel what they did is, unless you don't want to talk about it at all. In that case, Kalim will be your sunshine bringer, he'll throw a party or a feast or just watch movies with you in your dorm all night to distract you from what's going on, whatever you feel like doing to forget about it.

Makes sure to remind you of how wonderful you are and how much you mean to him as a friend. Cheating packs a punch to someone's self worth, he imagines, and he really doesn't want someone so dear to him feeling bad about themselves because of something other person has done.

Cater Diamond

He's like those best friend characters from rom-coms when they hear the protagonist has been cheated on. Complete and total outrage, rapid comments on how much of an idiot and a trash person your ex was, how much they're missing out. He's just baffled anyone would be so awful as to throw you out like this.

Switches to attempting to be comforting rather quickly after the initial shock, asking you if you wanted to do anything to forget about it, if you wanted to rant, that kind of stuff. If you're in the mood for a distraction, Cater can take you out somewhere nice, to a café you like, maybe to the mall to window shop and/or loiter.

Whenever you're feeling better about the end of your relationship, Cater probably suggests showing off in social media a bit more, in a sort of "show them what they're missing way". It's not... the healthiest way to cope, but to be fair, Cater isn't really good with healthy ways to cope at all, and he ultimately means well.

Lilia Vanrouge

Parental instincts activated. When you break the news, Lilia's usually mischievous expression falls into concern, he sits you down to let you vent out every emotion, giving you a few pats on the shoulder and a couple words of reassurance if it seems you need it.

Wipes your tears for you, if there are any, and very seriously reminds you that what your ex did was just mindless cruelty, that they were the one at fault, and that you deserve so much better than someone like them.

Proposes, also very seriously and genuinely, the idea of getting some sort of revenge, possibly even when the news were still fresh. If you're that close to Lilia, of course he'd feel protective over you, and that means making them pay for treating you like this. If you don't want him to do it, though, he won't... most likely.

Rook Hunt

Rook is usually so full of life and chatter, like he never runs out of words to say and smiles to give, but when you tell him the news of your breakup, he's absolutely speechless, blank faced like he can't proccess it at all. And he can't, really, how could they do something like this to you?

He's genuinely upset things had to end like this, his first reflex is likely touchy, holding your hand in his, maybe even pulling you into a hug, as he seriously tells you how blind they must have been to just throw away the beauty of your love like that, someone like you deserved someone so much better.

The attention he gives you can and will double. All that praise he gives you is now beyond endless, he invites you to have tea at Pomefiore or go for a hike in the woods to keep your mind busy. He's all cheerful everytime he sees you, his energy pushing into contagiousness, your life will be lit up quite a bit. And your ex is suddenly completely horrified by his presence. You wonder what happened.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie isn't as outwardly emotional as the others in this list when it comes to hearing about the bad news, but you know from his grimace and how his ears flatten that it hit him too. Tells you he's sorry something like that happened to you, you didn't deserve it at all, and promptly asks you if there's anything he could do to make you feel better.

His brand of comfort is more older sibling-like, a little awkward and stilted, but still tangibly warm. He'll indulge you on whatever you feel like doing to shake off the bad feelings, even if it's just moping around in your dorm and sighing while you marathon bad shows, and will listen to every word you hand him if you feel like ranting.

...and he'll get revenge on your name, too. Whether you'd like him to or not, it'll be something harmless like a prank leaning a bit towards the mean side, but Ruggie is a firm believer that nothing in this world comes for free, and that includes hurting one of his dear friends. You can tag along or not, he's still embarrassing your ex in front of at least one of their loved ones.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

[aellynera]

Somewhat Worse for the Wear (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x Reader)

SOMEWHAT WORSE FOR THE WEAR (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x Reader)

(when i started writing this, i did not know it was National Tequila Day, but i guess it worked out? just another of my moments of my brain shouting that i needed to write this. bottoms up!)

Word Count: 2876(ish)

Summary: There are reasons why you should not drunk text. But there are also reasons why you should.

Warnings: Some language/suggestions. Alcohol consumption.

(((note: Pope’s texts are in bold. Your texts are bold and italic.)))

Hey.

...Hey.

What are you doing?

You were out with some of your coworkers, after an incredibly long and stressful day (and a horrible week, to be honest) and you were finally able to sit, have dinner and margarita, and vent about the trials of the day. You were chatting and laughing and talking about nothing in particular and having a much-needed night out. You were actually feeling happy, which you hadn’t felt in a hot minute and it was wonderful.

And then you found yourself answering Pope’s text. Dammit.

Why had he even texted you? Wasn’t he in Brazil, or Colombia, or...well...some other country far to the south of where you were now? The last time you’d seen him had been right before he left. He’d come to your apartment to say he was leaving, that he’d taken another mission, that he had to go and it was important, that he just wanted you to know. Which was fine, really. Except for the part where you’d stupidly thought that maybe your friendship with an extra side of carnal knowledge might actually evolve into something more. But this was Pope, who were you kidding?

Since he’d disappeared, he had only texted you three times. On your birthday, then that Christmas, and then the following birthday. No calls, nothing else. Just those texts and you had never replied. You had thought about it. You had thought about it, about him, so many times since he’d left, but you could never bring yourself to actually respond or reach out to him. Until now.

Out to dinner.

Oh. Hot date? :)

No, just coworkers. Long week.

He had told you he was leaving. You’d told him that sounded nice and to be safe. He’d asked if he could see you when he got back. You’d asked if you could talk about what had been going on between you for the past year. The answer to both questions was deafening silence that swirled between you, heavy and uneasy. He had looked away, somewhere over your shoulder, off to the distance with his jaw set. No words. So you asked him to kindly fuck off, and to his credit, he did exactly what you asked.

That was two years ago.

And now he was texting you and with a single word ruining your relaxing unwinding dinner.

Can I see you? I miss you. :( :( :(

And you were answering him. What were you thinking.  You told yourself it was just the surprise of seeing his name pop up on your phone, and it would be rude to just ignore him. Right? Your eyes scanned the room and narrowed at the bartender; totally his fault. He was making these margaritas way too strong and you were almost sure he was using the top-shelf to make a house drink, that bastard. Yep, totally the margaritas

And what was with the emoticons? Pope was most definitely not an emoticon kind of guy. You weren’t generally an emoticon kind of gal, either, but he started it.

Aren’t you like, in Colombia or somewhere? ;)

A winky face? You sent him a winky face. You considered crawling under the table to die of embarrassment at yourself, but you were already getting weird looks from your friends. Were you that distracted? Obviously. Because you sent him a winky face.

A few minutes passed in blessed silence, then your phone went off again.

Nope. Come on, let me come see you. I’ll buy you all the pussy you want.

Your friends gave you oddly concerned looks when margarita shot out your nose onto the table in front of you. Damn that burns…

EXCUSE ME?!

Drinks! Pussy ass drinks! That freaking girly fruit shit you always liked. Not talking about actual...unless you…

Santiago Garcia, are you drunk?

...no?

No, as in actually no, or no as in, I’m holding a bottle and most of it is gone.

The second one. More or less.

You sighed. You should never have picked up the phone.

Have to go, Pope. Please, just don’t do something dumb like drive.

Or send me more texts, you thought as one of your friends asked if everything was okay.

You nodded rapidly and mouthed that everything was fine, and quickly went to send a final text reply to Pope. A split second before you could get your words on the screen, another message popped up.

I love you.

That was not what you were expecting. Or needing to hear right now. Or had any idea how to deal with, so you just pinched the bridge of your nose, shot Pope a final message, and then shut off your phone.

Goodnight, Pope.

*****

It had been a few weeks since that night Pope texted you those three little words that you were not expecting to hear, and since you were fairly certain he was drunk, you let the whole thing slide. To his credit, there had been no more messages waiting when you turned your phone back on. Life continued, basic and normal.

Until tonight.

You were sitting in a bar on a Friday night after another very, very long day at work. You were kicking back and letting loose with your friends, finally getting a chance to let all the stress of the day (and the whole week, again, to be honest) flow out of you as freely as the liquor was flowing in. You were singing along, not necessarily badly but definitely loudly in the way that only alcohol can enhance, to the cover band currently up on the stage.

And then, after more than your fair share of tequila shots and a rousingly intoxicated sing-a-long of Pour Some Sugar on Me, you decided that texting Pope would be the most fabulous idea in the whole entire universe. Your phone was in your hand before you knew it.

Hey handsome.

I miss you and I wish you were here so I could bounce quarters off your ass.

Hey cariña. I’m sorry, what are we doing now?

You looked down at your phone and cackled hysterically even as your face flushed with heat. That...wasn’t exactly what you meant, but now you were having a very difficult time getting the image of Pope’s ass out of your head. Dammit. And, well, at least half of you hoped he wouldn’t reply, the other half hoped he would, and most of you wasn’t expecting him to.

But of course he replied. It was Pope, after all.

Lololol oops I mean wish you were here we could play quarters. Kick your ass.

Uh huh. What number shot are you on?

How did he know you were doing shots? Oh, right. You were now remembering that time when he said some dumb shit and you decided accepting his shot challenge was an incredibly brilliant way to shut his ass up, and the next thing you knew, it was a scene out of Raiders of the Lost Ark with a mountain of empty shot glasses and a mostly empty bottle of John Crow Batty between you and then you’d stumbled out into the parking lot and gone into the alleyway and...well. He knew you liked shots.

Irrele...Iverant… dunno haha.

Are you okay?

M fine. Out with friends. Shots.

Yeah honey, I got that part. Do you need me to come get you?

Nope. M good. Gonna uber home. No worry.

Okay, if you’re sure. But if you need me, you call me and I’ll come to wherever you are, no questions.

In a plane?

Sorry honey, what?

You’re in Braz..Colomb...wherever. You just gonna walk? Need a plane!

You were sure you could hear him laughing. Could people really laugh through texts? You could see him shaking his head with that bemused half-grin on his face. He had that look a lot around you, but especially when you had too much tequila. You were funny when you had too much tequila. He was funny when you had too much tequila.

You had definitely had too much tequila.

No, I’m not in Colombia anymore. Told you that last time.

Ohhhh. Did he? You couldn’t really remember that part. You were starting to remember other parts of your last conversation, though.

Sorry about last time btw. 

Huh. Was he? Were you? Your head was swimming and your brain was woozy and it felt like you were inside a washing machine with an unbalanced spin cycle. You no longer felt any real control over your fingers and what they were typing. You were definitely feeling like you needed to...to… - stop texting, stop texting, stop texting - you brain chanted. You were very willing to ignore it.

Ok so no planes. Fuck you Santiago I wanted you to make me fly.

...are you sure you don’t need me to come get you?

I’m sure. Gonna call that uber. Think too much tequila.

Ok. Hey, do me a favor, text when you get home? So I know you’re ok. Please?

You could do that. You could definitely do that. Maybe. Would your phone still work when you got home? Maybe it only worked here in the bar, or whenever you had some booze. You definitely weren’t going to have any booze when you got home so maybe your phone would just...stop working? You weren’t sure how much of anything worked right now.

Too much tequila.

Cariña?

For a fraction of a split second, your agave-addled brain caught up to what your fingers were doing. Suddenly you felt queasy and groaned, flagging down one of your friends and only having the fortitude to possibly mumble something about getting a ride. They nodded, calling for your ride as you typed one more message, then shut off your phone and threw it into your bag.

I love you, Santiago.

*****

You ended up not texting Pope when you got home. Hell, you don’t even remember getting home. You remember your friend calling the uber, you sort of remember leaving the bar, you kind of remember actually getting in your ride, and you ever so slightly remember actually getting into your apartment. Fortunately for you, you also remember that the uber driver was also someone you worked with in the office and a trustworthy person, so getting home in one piece wasn’t ever a problem.

Staying in one piece once you got there wasn’t either, as you promptly passed out face down on your bed. You woke up in the same place, in the same clothes, vaguely smelling like a distillery. Sitting up proved to be your worst idea in at least the past several hours and you crashed back down onto your mattress, groaning.

As you fell forward (the motion doing having no actual benefit for the throbbing in your head) the mattress gave a little bounce and your phone fell out of your bag, which had ended up lying on its side up by your pillows. Grabbing it, you opened one eye to turn it on and check the time. Why was it off? Oh, right, the fuzzy edges of your memory from the night before said, you’d turned it off at some point...maybe at the bar? In the uber? You could recall very little. Until about two minutes later when that evil little piece of technology beeped an extremely uncalled for series of pitched tones and all your new messages loaded.

And then you saw it all and remembered everything.

Your head was throbbing mercilessly as you forced yourself to read through all the messages. Quarters. Shots. Airplanes. Offers of assistance. Pope’s ass. Telling Pope that...dammit.

How much tequila did you drink?

Pope had sent you six messages since you’d told him...that. Wincing, you read them quickly.

Hey, you get home ok?

I hope you’re ok. Please just let me know?

Cariña? Honey?

Please don’t make me send in the cavalry to check on you.

One tequila two tequila three tequila fucking call me.

That’s it, I’m coming over to check on you. No arguments. I need to know you’re not like drowning in a puddle of half-digested Patron or some shit.

The time stamp on the last message said he’d sent that particular one twenty minutes ago. No, no, no, you did not want him coming over. How did he even know where you lived? He spent the last two years in the jungle somewhere, it’s not like you sent each other postcards. There was still time to call him off. You summoned any bearings you could pin down and sent him a text.

Hi. I’m fine. Hangover. Don’t need to come over. Sorry about last night.

That should be direct and to the point. Pope always did appreciate a direct approach.

Too late, I’m in the parking lot.

Fuuuuuuuck.

You dragged yourself over to the window, peeking out through the slats in the blinds. Sure enough, you could see him - the back side of him anyway, but you’d recognize that backside anywhere - leaning into the back of his SUV. You let the slats snap back into place and faceplanted back on the mattress. Was your headache getting worse?

Really I’m fine. Feeling sick. Gonna be in the bathroom all day.

Coming into your building now.

Pope, seriously.

At your door.

Sure enough, you heard a light knock. Dammit. Santiago Garcia was officially the most annoying, most persistent, most frustrating, most caring and loyal person you’d even had the (mis)fortune of knowing.

You still weren’t going to open the door.

Come on, cariña, open up. I come bearing gifts.

He was just on the other side of your front door and he was still sending you texts. Of course he was. He probably thought it was hilarious. Part of you had to admit, if the roles were reversed, you would think so too.

I don’t want anything from you, Pope. I want to go back to bed.

Not leaving until I see for myself that you’re ok.

Santi, please. Can’t do this right now.

You thought you knew him well enough that, if you really insisted, he would leave you alone. And you knew he normally would have done what you asked; he’d done so before, left when you asked. And it had been two years since he’d listened to your directive and today, frankly, he wasn’t having it.

Baby, let me in or get ready to call the cops on me, because I can and will pick this lock.

He would, too, that asshole. Growling in frustration, you somehow made it to the door without too much swaying and tripping, turned the lock and the deadbolt. You pulled the door open and the vaguely surprised look on his face dissolved into a grin. He was biting his lip trying to hide it. It wasn’t working.

Your hair looked like a very cranky bird had taken up roost on top of your head. Your eyes were ringed in black from where your mascara had rubbed away and a smeared streak of eyeliner ran down your left cheek. The right side of your face had wrinkled indents from where you landed on the mattress and spent the night on top of your rumpled comforter. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy and the expression on your face could only be described as pissed off and exhausted.

You were beautiful.

He handed you the bag in his hands, then took his phone back out of his pocket. You just blinked at him in confusion until your text alert went off again. Rolling your eyes, you reached for your phone and sighed.

I brought you ginger ale. And also a burrito from that place you always liked, the one around the corner.

You opened your mouth to make a snarky retort, but Pope shook his head and nodded towards the phone in your hand. You tilted your head in an approximation of really? and he just raised an eyebrow in response. You rolled your eyes - ow, that hurt - but did as he was indicating.

How did you even know where I live?

Figured you probably didn’t move. But asked Frankie just to make sure.

Gonna have a talk with that boy about giving out my personal information. Pendejo.

Pope laughed softly at that and picked up his phone again. The corners of your mouth turned up slightly despite your best efforts.

I also brought you a giant bottle of Excedrin and a sleep mask. And I’m really good at giving hangover-curing massages. What do you say?

You wanted to say no. You wanted to close the door in his face and pretend that every text you’d exchanged over the past few weeks was a bold-faced lie. You wanted to believe that the man standing at your door was just an illusion and the real one was still somewhere deep in the jungle, far away from your house and your heart.

But none of that was true.

Dammit.

You stepped aside to let him walk in the door, and as he did, he opened his mouth to say something to you. But you closed your eyes and shook your head for just a moment, then his phone dinged and he looked down at the display.

;)

~end~

[chaos-writes]

Vincent Sinclair & Bubba Sawyer with an S/O who gets noticeably sad

@maaaaaartiaaal asked: hello! Could you please do Vincent and/or Bubba with an s/o that's super affectionate and caring to them, but gets noticeably sad (states at nothing, sleeps more, and just has a blank face) from time to time! I'm wondering what would the precious baby boys would do to cheer their s/o up :3 I love your blog btw! Keep up the good work (≡^∇^≡) but you can also ignore this :3

Vincent Sinclair

He really appreciates your affection. It makes him so happy, and he feels so loved, needed.

Is awkward but gives you lots of affection back. Sweet boi loves hugging you from behind or holding your hand.

He doesn’t really notice when you get sad at first. He’s really caught up in his work.

Once he does though, he’s in panic mode.

“Did i do something? Can i fix it?”

But once you clarify it’s not his fault (i hope to god that that’s what you meant), he slightly relaxes.

He’s still a worried boi. He will IMMEDIATELY stop working and cuddle you.

If you need to vent he’s your guy.

If you’re sleeping, he will hold you as closely as comfortably possible.

If he sees you staring at nothing with a blank expression, he will have you help him make a figure or if you want, will give you a glob of wax so you can make your own little statue, if you’re more of an independent person.

If you do, he will absolutely cherish it for life. He’d keep it somewhere cold so it doesn’t melt, too.

He talks to Bo and Lester about it, he loves you dearly but he’s not the best with emotions. Lester suggests fresh air.

So, if you’re okay with it, he takes you on a nighttime walk all through Ambrose.

WILL spend the whole night cuddling you and talking with you after you guys get back home from the walk.

Please be patient with him, he really doesn’t know how to help but he is trying so hard.

Bubba Sawyer

He notices immediately. You’re so sweet and bubbly! Where did it go?

Once he’s done working he immediately carries you up to your shared bedroom and snuggles you.

Will hold you tight and mumble praise to you

Tries his hardest to show you how much he loves you

Plays with your hair, kisses all over your face, snuggles, even goes and brings you sweet tea for the both of you to enjoy

He will listen if you wanna talk about it although… yanno… he can’t really talk

But he’s a great listener regardless and absolutely wants to hear about it.

He could even carry you out to the porch and sit with you in his lap and watch the sunset/stars.

Holds you close to him in his lap either until you feel better or you fall asleep. Either inside or outside. No exceptions.

Drayton even fixes you up some food and tries to make sure you are comfy.

Chop top and nubbins will be the typical crackheads but leave you be if you wish. They respect your space.

Bubba just loves you so much and he doesn’t understand what’s making you sad but he’s always there for you and will try his hardest to make you happy again.

Any affection you give while you’re sad, he will reciprocate tenfold- no- hundredfold. Prepare to get smothered (of course, he’d stop if you ask)

[un0vian]

Hear me out, SSS Miraculous Ladybug AU?

oh man you guys have no idea how much I’ve thought about an au like this before

The anon is new, but this has been in the inbox for a while, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long! Also this kind of takes a general understanding of the show to make any sense!

This is just a HUGE bundle of ideas lmao I’m sorry it’s so disorganized. I’ll put some of the doodles up here and put in a read more for all of my bullet points (I wrote almost 2K words for this hhhh)

No Pokémon in this AU, and I’m not clever enough to shape the Miraculous after any of them lol.

I think Lance being the Guardian of the Miraculous fits the most.

Lyra becomes the Ladybug Miraculous holder the same way Marinette does, by showing and acting upon her compassion towards someone in need (not the same exact way, considering Lance isn’t nearly as old as Master Fu; she probably saves an old man and Lance notices).

In this AU’s origins I think it would make sense that Giovanni and Silver just moved to Goldenrod from Kanto. Giovanni (obviously) was a part of the crime-world, but found out about the Miraculous and their power, got ahold of the Cat and Butterfly Miraculous, learned of the Ladybug Miraculous’ general location, then decided moving was a good idea. They move into a place like the Agreste mansion (Silver thinks the move is just random btw).

I would say Giovanni holds Silver to high standards like Gabriel does for Adrien. Giovanni has Silver play the Violin and Cello (READ FVAWA!!!), and was probably homeschooled in Kanto. I’ll also say he probably has basic self defense training.

To blend in, Silver becomes enrolled at the same school that Lyra, Kris, and Ethan attend.

Lyra, Kris, and Ethan always try to yoink the back two tables, and every new seating chart the three play Rock Paper Scissors, loser sits alone. Lyra loses and ends up at the table next to the other two with an empty seat.

Their teacher, Professor Elm (I mean, who else would it be?? There’s Oak ofc but eh), introduces Silver to the class and has him sit with Lyra. 

It’s obvious to Lyra that Silver is more socially reserved, but she introduces herself anyway.

Lyra moved from New Bark Town to Goldenrod City early in her childhood (Her and Ethan were childhood friends, Ethan moved to Goldenrod a little before Silver. Kris grew up in Goldenrod). I think it would be cool to keep the Bakery; Lyra’s mom would work there with Lyra helping out a lot.

I’m thinking Lyra could possibly be a model like Adrien, but wayyy on the DL in comparison. She has the right temperament for being in the spotlight (aka not being a flustered mess all the time), hence why she’s so well suited for the Miraculous.

Her passion is writing! Writing poems, speeches, music, all of it. And she enjoys public speaking. She’ll pull out a notebook (or just type on her phone like a sane person) whenever she gets a new idea.

Lyra sings and plays the synth. She plays songs she writes sometimes!

Tikki helps Lyra a lot with her worries about being a Superhero, and is great at giving suggestions and ideas of what Lyra should write if she has a block. Basically usual Tikki being great.

When the first Akuma appeared, Lyra found her Miraculous the same way Marinette did. The difference is when Tikki appeared she was less fearful, and learned about de-evilizing Akumas from the start.

When Ladybug showsed up to stop the Akuma there was no other support. She was able to defeat the Akuma, but damn, what a workout.

Hear me out here, what if there wasn’t an umbrella scene? I’d rather have their feelings for each other grow over time as Silver begins to doubt his father’s reasons for needing the Ladybug Miraculous and reflects on his actions. Besides, Lyra having feelings for Silver in the beginning would be kinda cringe 😬 (@Marinette in the PV smh)

The first Akuma was Giovanni’s way of testing the waters, and confirms that the Ladybug Miraculous is in Goldenrod. The night afterwards he approaches Silver with the Cat Miraculous. Giovanni explains that he needs the Ladybug Miraculous along with the Cat Miraculous to bring Silver’s mother back (which is total bullshit, all he wants is power), and offers him the Miraculous.

And about Silver’s mother; I know there’s a theory about Ariana being his mom, but in this AU (and in general, really) I HC his mother being kindhearted and not part of the mob ahah. (Also same sitch as Adrien’s mom in this AU)

Silver is apprehensive towards the “offer”, but can he really say no? And he does want to see his mom again. So he accepts. Giovanni barely hides the vile smirk on his face and throws in a “I’m proud of you, son” for good measure :/

From then on, Cat Noir shows up to battle Ladybug after an Akuma is de-evilized.

Plagg is somewhere between neutral and good. He’ll (not-so) subtly suggest that Silver should join Ladybug, and point out how much of a dick Giovanni is… but he won’t actively try to stop him because he can’t really do anything about it anyways. Plagg supposes he’ll just have to be patient. And he teases Silver about anything and everything, and his reactions are priceless.

Already having no partner to rely on during Akuma battles, Ladybug is most definitely tired out and has far too many close calls in her battles with Cat Noir. Lyra vents about this to Tikki, and worries about being unable to contact the guardian and request more help.

Lance realizes his mistake after a particularly nasty fight when a stroke of luck saves Ladybug from de-transforming. He introduces himself right after that fight, and apologizes for his oversight.

At this moment I don’t know if it would make more sense to introduce only one more Miraculous holder or two, and if they should be permanent or temporary. I’ll put down my bare-bones ideas for the Miraculous holders anyways.

Ethan - Fox Miraculous, Kris - Turtle Miraculous. I see Kris suiting the Turtle Miraculous because she waits for the right moment instead of jumping right in. I see her as being a great protector compared to Ethan.

Sheesh this is already super long any I haven’t really gotten to the SSS portion 

Slow burn like the show, but in this case neither has a crush for a whiiiile. That part is quite different from the show, but the context is not the same.

Eventually there’s a semblance of a friendship between Lyra and Silver. They got close through sitting at the same table in class and working on different projects together. They also find they both share a love of music.

Anyways, Lyra gets really excited about their friendship and prattles on about it to Tikki.

“Wow, it almost sounds like you like him!”

“Whaaaaat? No!!! He’s just a friend, Tikki!” (Nice Adrien impression, Lyra 😃)

Along the way Silver begins questioning Giovanni’s reasons more and more, but it’s difficult for him to decide whether to keep fighting Ladybug or not because of all the things that could happen. 

Eventually Plagg sits him down and is like:

“You don’t want to fight Ladybug.”

“Right.”

“You have a friend (Lyra) who has made it clear to you that you are welcome in their home, so you would have somewhere to stay if Gio-bitch kicks you out.”

“Right.”

“Ladybug may not trust you at first, but if you explain yourself she may begin to understand, and the act of switching sides paves the path to redemption.”

“Right.”

“So SWITCH SIDES.”

“OH. OKAY.”

Then there’s the ol’ switcheroo. During the worst Akuma yet (with Kris and Ethan helping as heroes), Cat Noir is able to get close to the Akuma and Cataclysms the Akumatized object. He flees immediately, thinking it better to show loyalty in small increments pffff

It’s a HUGE shocker to Giovanni. And Ladybug for that matter. Silver already packed a bag and had his violin ready to go, he grabs his things and doesn’t bother staying. He’s a little pissed Giovanni didn’t even try to stop him.

At this point Lyra and Silver like each other, but neither know how the other feels. Silver feels SO awkward about showing up at the Bakery with his stuff and almost turns around when Lyra’s mom (who had a bad vibe about Giovanni in the first place) spots him.

“Do you need a place to stay?”

“...No.”

“You’re lying. Tell me what happened.”

Silver reluctantly explains that he couldn’t stand staying there anymore, and that he had had enough of his father’s shit. So he left.

Lyra’s mom is a bit iffy on letting him stay. Without enough context it seems like Silver is just angry with Giovanni. Silver can tell she doesn’t understand and tries to explain the situation more.

“I… betrayed him. In a way. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me around for a while.” “I understand. Feel free to stay the night, but you should talk to your father about whatever’s going on tomorrow. If he doesn’t let you back in you’re welcome to stay.”

Lyra shows up moments after, very confused. Her mom explains the gist to her and leaves them alone to talk.

Tikki overhears Silver explain the situation with a bit more detail and becomes suspicious. If Giovanni was Hawkmoth and Silver was Cat Noir, this situation would make a lot of sense. And Silver has the same hair color as Cat Noir (Lyra is obviously none the wiser because Adrien and Marinette be like that). Tikki doesn’t draw solid conclusions (it’s very easily just a coincidence) but she takes a mental note.

I think that’s where I’ll leave it. I’m already delving into so much plot skdjfbfb Anyways here’s a bunch of bonus drawings for sticking til the end!

[maxdark158]

HEAR ME OUT - I’VE GOT AN AU IDEA

Okay, so I have too much on my plate with Demon in Gotham, the sequel, and my and @slytherinsheashire ‘s baby so I can’t write this au out as a story but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so if any of you write this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tag me

Daminette endgame (through really can work with any ship in the maribat fandom)

So I know in most Daminette AUs we hate on Adrien because of his flaws in canon (which I am not against)

BUUUUT au where there was no love interest for Adrien/Chat Noir and Ladybug/Marinette to begin with, so they were Best Friends, and still are when Damian comes in

Like he is protective because That's My BFF but he's reasonable and not in love with her

He also actually has her back with Lila. He can't stand up stand up to her (because abusive father) but he hangs out with Marinette whenever he can and they make fun of Lila together when she can't hear them and he is passive-aggressive with her a lot

He likes Damian but by Rule of Best Friends he does threaten him if he hurts his BFF

Alya is still a jerk but Adrien is passive (agreste)sive with her too about fact-checking

Also, Alya totally thinks Mari liked Adrien and doesn’t listen to Mari saying no

CN completely hates Lila btw because not only is she lying about Red Best Friend but she's bullying Pink Best Friend and while Adrien has to be nice CN doesn't!

A mental image: Adrien telling Lila she looks pretty, "today," before running off before she picks up on the insult

He also as CN takes his job more seriously and only banters on patrol and such. He didn't at first but LB took him aside and explained why she was annoyed and he stopped – because that’s what you do when your BFF asks you to!!

When the reveal happens Adrien is like, "you are my mega ultra best friend now"

Because I don't really ship Adrien with anyone but Mari I HC that in this au he's aro ace. If you ship him with someone he can just not be interested in Mari (gaydrien is also an option) but the rest of this will continue as if he is aro ace, change as needed if you write differently

He and Mari are the closest two BFFs can be but she and Damian are the ones with romantic feelings and such

Adrien is actually the one who suggests giving the Fox to Damian when Alya shows no signs on improving

He’s just the bestest of best friends and he never feels like Mari owes him anything and he gives terrible dating advice and they’re just! Best Friends!!

He also recognizes his dad as abusive and is trying to better himself while being under his father’s thumb. He’s essentially counting down the days to freedom at this point

Gabriel is Adrien-phobic, sexuality included. Adrien hasn’t come out to him and he never plans to

A quick list of episode fixes in random order--

Stoneheart – is the same up until they ‘fall in love’ CN is just super excited to have someone as awesome as LB as a friend. Mari doesn’t fall in love but she is a bit awkward with her new BFF at first

Stormy Weather – Alya, Manon, and Marinette all went to the park to bring Adrien a snack in stormy weather because he complained about his diet

CN banters, doesn’t flirt, stops bantering around Copycat when LB asks if he can focus on work when there is an akuma

Horrificator – Adrien was anti kiss no matter who the actress was. Nino, realizing he was making his bro uncomfortable, forgoes the kiss completely, despite Alya suddenly pushing for it once Marinette was volunteered as the lead girl

Animan – Adrien asked Mari if she had a crush on anyone first, because he didn’t want to put her in a situation where she was accidentally leading Nino on. All four of them end up going to the zoo together as planned but Mari locked Alya and Nino in the cage because Alya was annoying her about a ‘crush’ on Adrien

Dark Cupid – LB was venting about Alya trying to get her to confess her nonexistent crush and CN was ranting about ppl sending him letters without even knowing him or his sexuality. He teared up in his rant (when mentioning his father probs) and she hugged him and he saw Dark Cupid and shielded her. She kissed his cheek to break the spell

Prime Queen – Chamack was pushy with them being a couple but they both outright denied it and declared themselves best friends and only that. Mari, resident Bi, came out as lesbian as LB to throw ppl off her trail and make pushy shippers stop. CN hesitated about coming out as ace and, in private, told him he didn’t have to

Volpina – Adrien realized Lila was flirting and shut her down right away, saying he wasn’t interested. Marinette happened to be in the library at the time and she and Tikki saw her steal the book. As LB she confronted Lila about stealing and asked for it back. LB calmly and politely told her not to lie – Lila still gets akumatized. Because Adrien shut Lila down pre-superhero lie CN isn’t suspicious, LB is

Collector – When LB says Gabriel is HM, CN takes a moment to breathe before getting ready to fight. After the akuma he asks if HM can akumatize himself, and they both decide to start tracking akuma when they can

Gamer – lucky charm scene still happens, no romantic connotations to anything. Same with Befana

Bubbler – LB changes the music because Adrien looked so uncomfortable – not out of jealousy. Adrien sees her stitched name in the fabric and asks her privately. This is what starts him on the road of growing independent from his father’s abuse and lack of care

Rogercop – Adrien doesn’t even call his father. He doesn’t want him there and he wouldn’t come anyway, so he doesn’t try. However, he does use the ‘gotta call my father’ excuse to try and help Plagg out of the bracelet

Simon Says – Adrien accepts the hug from his father bug tells Plagg that it would have been warmer to hug a statue after, and he almost wishes his father hadn’t tainted the memory of hugs as a child. The ‘she looks like you’ scene still happens but it’s platonic. Adrien is bouncing and excited in all the Ladrien scenes because BEST FRIEND! RIGHT THERE!!!

Gigantian – the girls don’t do the date thing and are just doing each others’ hair for fun. Alya keeps insisting that Mari do something about her ‘crush’ but the other girls take Marinette’s side and she quits arguing while she’s ahead. Adrien wanders off which is how the akuma glances off Gorilla, then Mari pretends to be sick in the bathroom while going out to become LB

Glaciator – Marinette is upset because her BFF can’t go but she doesn’t get mad so no akuma

Gorilla – Marinette doesn’t really like the commercial because it doesn’t really fit the pun-loving dork that is her BFF but she still manages to be late to the pool then runs around with her BFF in her PJs which she isn’t embarrassed about. She gets mad on Adrien’s behalf when ppl call her his gf

Captain Hardrock – Mari gets a bit of a crush on Luka, Adrien 100% teases her and gives her bad dating advice

Syren – Adrien is upset that he’s out of the loop, but LB told him that she CAN’T tell him and it isn’t her choice to so he doesn’t throw a fit. He does detransform to talk out his feelings with Plagg but he doesn’t threaten to remove the ring or anything

Troublemaker, she has photos of all her classmates on her wall (she actually has the most of Juleka as proof of her picture curse being broken) and she has all her classmates’ schedules because class pres

Reverser – Nathaniel actually apologizes. Like that’s my only change tbh. I ship them but the writers should have included an apology scene, that’s on them (I fully believe Nathaniel apologized but the writers didn’t care enough to include it so f them)

Frozer – they all go to the rink as friends. Adrien invited Kagami for fun and they’re both trying to help Mari with Luka. Kagaminette friendship from that episode onward

Catalyst and Mayura – Alya’s headstrong-ness and Nino’s willingness to do what she says is what brings them down, to show their flaws beforehand. Chloe’s redemption isn’t thrown away like in canon so she has gotten better. CN recognizes his father’s voice but doesn’t react to it because he doesn’t want to expose himself. After Hero’s Day, he tells LB he knows who HM is and accidentally spills his identity – but she doesn't care at the moment because her BFF needs a hug. He doesn’t know LB’s identity but she knows his

Timebreaker, Evillustrator, Mr. Pidgeon, Darkblade, Princess Fragrance, The Mime, Pixelator, Guitar Villain, Reflecta, Kung Food, The Puppeteer, Antibug, Riposte, Robostus, Dark Owl, Sapotis, Gorilla, Frightningale, Zombizou, Queen Wasp, Maledictator, Anansi, Style Queen, and Despair Bear are the same just no lovesquare romance

Chameleon – Adrien doesn’t say the bull about the High Road, because he reconizes Lila is hurting Marinette. “But look at it this way – Ladybug calmly asked her to stop lying. I calmly asked her to stop lying. She gets akumatized no matter what. I think exposing her would just get us more trouble. We should stand up for ourselves, of course, but let the others realize for themselves that she’s a liar. Or at least wait until Hawkmoth is defeated before you expose her. Then she won’t get any superpowers out of it.”

At some point after that Mari says smth that LB said and he realizes who she is but that’s up to the writer to decide because then Damian Wayne enters the scene!

So Mari knows who HM is but she doesn’t know where to begin with that information so she asks Tikki for help. Tikki says one of her previous LBs are still alive and Mari contacts Hippolyta with magic

Hippolyta contacts Wonder Woman and WW realizes this may be better suited to someone who knows humans better so she passes the message along to Bruce

Bruce sighs and rubs his temple. He decides to send Damian

BTW time is actually passing through these episodes so everyone is about a month-ish apart so Mari is 15 almost 16 and Adrien is 16 now

Bruce sends Damian to help them with the final takedown of HM and Mayura

Now, some funny convos with BFF Adrienette

oooOOOooo

Alya: Marinette is being such a jerk to Lila!

Adrien: Huh. Marinette is almost never a jerk unless it's someone like Chloe.

Alya: W-Well she clearly changed!

Adrien: If you say so. I'm assuming you saw this yourself?

Later

Adrien: UGH! Alya has like become Lila's most loyal follower I swear, this is so annoying

Marinette, patting his back: you're being a brave soldier, facing that every day

Adrien: I just wish she'd stop putting her hands on me. I'm literally wearing the aromantic and asexual flags! I'm not interested!

Marinette; I think Kim noticed. He was looking at the situation and went to talk to Miss Bustier.

Adrien: Oh thank the kwami. Enough about me though. Tell me about this cutie from Gotham you like?

oooOOOooo

Adrien: UGHH I have to take Lila to this gala AGAIN!!

Marinette; I'm going too, Damian invited me.

Adrien: THANK THE KWAMI I'll ditch Lila as soon as possible. Your boyfriend is fully willing to roast without his dad disowning him, right?

Marinette: one, we aren't dating yet, and two, yes

Adrien: YES!! Also, Mari don't kid you two will date soon I know these things

oooOOOooo

Adrien's love advice is almost always, "just tell him you love him," because he doesn't understand how nerve-wracking it is. Or he steals a confession scene idea from an anime or fanfic, depends on the situation

Marinette: How should I confess to Damian??

Adrien: Just do it?? Walk right up to him and say you love him. Easy peasy!

Marinette: you do not understand how much I Can Not do that

Adrien: ... alright, plan B is you start working at a coffee shop-

[joy1579]

Hey! So... When I started to play Mystic messenger I was a teenager, so I was wondering how the boys and Jaehee would react discovering that MC was a teenager too (platonic of course) I loved your headcanons btw ♥️

gah its been forever and a day since i was a kid. and even then i was like really bad at being a kid heh what do teenagers do? all i did was hide in the library and avoid socializing oops. whatever i had a lot of fun writing this! honestly i think they would all be very protective of you since the RFA really feels like one big family!

Jumin

He is proud of you and wants to provide you with future opportunities because that’s how he cares about people, by giving them a means to earn money and have purpose. Also he is very interested in what you can teach him about pop culture.  

-        Age doesn’t matter to him too much. Maturity does and you had proven your maturity by helping the RFA faithfully and well

-        In fact, he is very proud of how well you did and mentions that your professionalism at such a young age shows great potential should you apply to C&R (you know him well enough to take it for the compliment it is intended to be)

-        His presence practically drips with “proud dad preparing for his daughter’s future” vibes and considering the 11-year age gap you suppose you couldn’t ask for much better

-        That is until he hears you chatting on the phone and using slang he’s never heard before

-        Now he’s curious and asking questions. You show him some him some vines you have saved and teach him a bit about pop culture leading to an unlikely but very fun friendship

-        You and he tease zen a lot by having Jumin use made up slang and you pretending its super cool and zen’s just not with it. Also imagine getting Jumin to do a secret handshake just to piss Zen off. It ends with the “nyah” pose

Yoosung

Acts like your best friend that you enjoy teasing. He wants to be a good role model but that shiz is hard. You two bond a lot over stories about school and the struggles of exams.

-        He is very relieved to not be the youngest anymore because now maybe everyone will stop treating him like a baby. (spoiler alert they won’t. Ever.)

-        He worries that he’s supposed to act like a big brother. He doesn’t know how to do that! He’s always been the baby brother, or the youngest member, or the newest intern. How does one be responsible?

-        Tries and fails to intimidate guys away from you to “protect” you (but zen said it was his duty to keep you safe! He said all men are wolves MC!)

-        “If all men are wolves why isn’t he worried about you Yoosung?” “huh? Hey wait yeah! Does he not think I’m a man?!” “ go get em tiger. give zen a piece of your mind”

-        He helps you with homework a lot but no cheating! He tells you about the time he cheated to pass a class only to get to the next level class and understand NOTHING it took a lot of tutoring and studying and work to fix that mess. Best to learn it now while it’s still learnable.

-        He refuses to teach you LOL “don’t end up like me MC! Be better!” you learn it anyway and end up playing with him frequently. The rest of the RFA blame him for this much to his dismay.

Saeyoung

he wants to protect you in his own frankly silly way. still meme’s it up but doesnt want anyone “corrupting” you. actually he kind of treats you the way he would treat saeran.

-        He fights with V for the first time when V suggests leaving you in Rika’s apartment (with a bomb) but reluctantly comes around and does what V says

-        Stays a meme lord and is psyched if you can manage to out meme him

-        Definitely teases you about your age a lot (Yoosung is secretly glad to not be the ONLY one getting teased for being young)

-        “guys we have to protect the baby she has her whole life ahead of her”

-        Is the most adamant about not swearing, drinking or smoking around you

-        “y’all need Jesus there are CHILDREN here”

-        You may have to call him out on this behavior because seriously wtf you know for a fact hacking isn’t the most ethical or legal occupation and he’s gonna lecture you?!?

-        He may joke around but he up’s his protection game up about 10 notches because for real you have your whole life ahead of you

Zen

he basically adopts you okay. he wants to be your cool big brother friend and be everything his family never was for him. he takes care of you and stands up for you every chance he can.

-        He finds out very early on because the second he starts flirting seven shuts that shit down telling him your too young for that. He asks how young and is shocked but recovers pretty fast

-        You know the protective big brother trope? Yeah that’s him

-        He’s your ride or die friend too. Need a ride to school? He’s there on his bike, some dick is harassing you? He’s there to scare the punk off, and even though he doesn’t want to fight a kid he will if he has too

-        If its girls who are harassing, you he picks you up to give your rep a bit of a boost (it never hurts to be seen with such a handsome guy after all and if he shows up on his bike he’s also got the badass vibe going on)

-        He has ALWAYS wanted a little sister and now he’s adopted you. You’re his little sis now and he’s wrapped around your finger. He swears he’ll be a better brother than his brother was

-        He is so proud of all your accomplishments and is determined to encourage your dreams the way his parents never did (he might be living his family wishes vicariously through you but hey he treats you good so it’s cool)

Jaehee

-        She’s a bit worried about you taking on such a big responsibility as the RFA guest liaison at such a young age. What if your grads drop? Or you family gets upset? What if you had to also work a part time job and this interfered your young you need to be able to rest and live your life. (when you point out that she should do the same she brushes you off)

-        Not much changes honestly, she’s always been the RFA’s mom after all.

-        She gets a little stricter about language and “inappropriate” topics

-        She definitely encourages you to study and do well in school (and avoid any job’s Mr. Han offers you)

-        She still down to be your friend though! She’s all ears when you need to vent about school and you are always ready to lend an ear back when Jumin is giving you a hard time

-        You swap girl power ballads and she helps you set up a Zen fan club at your high school

Saeran

-        Look he didn’t intend to kidnap and actual kid and he’s honestly a bit panicked when he finds out your age you looked older than that he swears

-        Thankfully your mature enough and smart enough to do what’s needed of you and he supposes as long as you don’t have a family searching for you it should be okay

Ray

-        He’s a little more reserved but honestly not much changes he’s still innocent and devoted he calls you princess and tries to spoil you as much as he can he may not see you as a romantic interest but your still his obsession.

-        He likes that you trusted him even more since your young and therefor more vulnerable. You’re his family now, a better family than he’s ever had.

-        If you are the princess, he is your knight in the strictest definition. Which is to say he is devoted to protecting and serving you out of dedication and reverence rather than romance.

Unknown

-        He’s more verbally aggressive than physically aggressive

-        He doesn’t try as hard to seem intimidating because he thinks of you as a child, and he doesn’t have to prove how tough he is to a child it’s obvious after all.

-        Also his visits are simultaneously shorter and more frequent. Shorter because he tends to get flashbacks easier (since he sees you as a child despite you being a teen) and more frequent because they are less satisfying since he doesn’t let himself be physically aggressive.

Vanderwood

(IDK why but I feel like he probably had an actual family with a girlfriend/wife and possibly a very very young daughter before the agency. Maybe she left him and that’s why he’s so impressed by MC’s dedication in the secret ending. Or maybe they’re both dead because broken hearts make more money than whole ones. Either way I think a teen MC would remind him of his possible family and so he would be hell bent on separating you from the danger and drama of literally everything that happens in the game.)

-        He’s legitimately (and rightfully) concerned about you when he see’s you on seven’s CCTV feed

-        protective and angry dad mode activated

-        threatens to tazer seven into oblivion if he lets something (or causes something to) happen to you

-        “what the hell are you doing she’s a civilian AND she’s got her whole life before her, you and I might have thrown away our lives but she didn’t! whatever’s going on you had better fix it NOW”

-        He is not speaking with you. No way no how. Every word he says to you puts you more in danger and he is not having your life on his conscious

-        That being said the second you’re in danger he is all in on ANNIHILATING whatever has put you in danger

[noragami-ru-manga]

Calamity bears human face

These are my thoughts on the first half of 87-2. Spoilers ahead!

I really, really liked the second part of chapter 87. Adachitoka still refuse us Yukine’s entire past, but maybe that’s for the best. If what we’ve been shown so far causes this many emotions in the fandom, I’m scared to think what would have been if they revealed everything at once. But… this post isn’t about Yuknie. Not because I don’t like his character, but because I really want to discuss the first 10 pages of the new chapter.

As I expected, we got some of Father’s flashbacks this time. Except they were about the part of his life that had Yato in it, probably several years (?) after Sakura’s death.

Yato not wanting to kill people isn’t that strange, since he started “slacking off” because of Sakura’s influence, and we know that by this point Hiiro would take initiative whenever Yato wouldn’t put his heart in performing Father’s jobs, as shown in chapter 47. Interestingly enough, when Yato suggested that Father should kill people himself, the former answered that he “was killing gods, at least” – implying that he didn’t kill humans with his own hands.  Father’s words about killing gods do sound sinister but as we’ve already seen and will see later in the chapter, not all gods are warriors like Bishamon, Takemikazuchi and Yato himself, so I wouldn’t be too intimidated by this phrase.

His line about the uselessness of killing gods without killing people though … The idea is obvious and logical, so I don’t see the point in developing it further, but even now I think that Father did not choose the most efficient way to do it. Even if Yato stayed under Father’s total control, one god of calamity doesn’t seem to be that big of a threat on a global scale, contrary to whatever Nora has to say later in the chapter.

The thing that caught my attention on these pages is Father’s words about shrines. Yato already revealed before that someone would always tell him he didn’t need a shrine, that someone being Father. Up to this point I simply thought that this was needed to cultivate Yato’s fear of being forgotten – if he doesn’t have a shrine, it’s all the more easier for him to disappear without any chances to reincarnate. The idea that Father actually thinks that shrines are useless somehow never crossed my mind, although now that I see it on paper it makes total sense.

And since Yato raised the question, I’ll take it from here. He said he didn’t understand why did needed to destroy humans if life would be boring without them. I’ve always asked this question in regard to any character whose end goal is total annihilation – what’s the point? Sure, Father isn’t aspiring to be an evil overlord as to ask him a question “who are you going to rule over if there’s no one left”. But his goal, apparently, is killing all gods and also all humans so that old gods can’t reincarnate while new ones can’t appear. But what exactly is he going to do if he succeeds? Die while feeling the satisfaction of revenge accomplished? It’s just so hard to understand someone whose views  are so different than your own.

I wish I could say that the small local kami that attacked Yato proves that Father’s words about shrines are wrong, but what happens next actually corroborates his statement. Partially.

One the one hand, the villagers’ prayer was heard, and the local kami attacked Yato for destroying the village. But Father just crushed her. So in the end, the kami wasn’t able to so anything about these humans’ problem, so yeah, their wish wasn’t granted.

This scene also demonstrates that yes, Father can actually kill gods. The more important thing about it though is that Yato sees it. We have already seen just how much Yato used to fear death for the majority of the series. However, knowing that Father has the ability to kill Yato by forgetting him is one thing; but witnessing him kill a kami just like Yato really drives it home. And it’s all the scarier how Father simply intercepted Yato’s weapon – he just summoned Chiki, who moments earlier was in the boy’s hands. Just look at Yato’s face, you can see the terror.

And Father didn’t really have the need to kill that kami. What could they have done with a chopstick anyway?  Maybe he god mad at this kami actually answering people’s prayer, disproving his point. Or maybe he just hates the gods so much he couldn’t stand even seeing one of them, so he just had to kill them.

(BTW, does anyone know what’s with the blindfold? I’ve tried looking it up but never found anything).

Nora and Hiyori’s dialogue is my favorite part the chapter, there are just so many things to unpack here. First, “Father would praise the god called Yato”. Is it just me, or is Nora jealous? We saw in Yato’s memories that Father actually praised both his children. Then again, we also saw that he punished Nora when he wanted Yato to behave. Considering that Yato grew increasingly reluctant to kill humans, and Nora had to take the lead and finish Yato’s work, this kind of jealousy is unsurprising. Nora was Father’s right hand girl and supported him all the way, but between the two of them Yato would receive more attention.

“But at some point, Yato started mourning the deaths of other people”.  Yeah, we know at what point – Nora must be referring to the time when Sakura was still alive. I’ll just throw in a couple of pics from chapter 47 to remind you why Yato started mourning people.

“When calamity strikes, people always become more devout”. This must be one of the most powerful quotes in the entire manga, because it encapsulates one of the foundations of the Noragami universe. Gods exist to grant human wishes, but who would have more reasons to pray – someone who has it all, or someone who’s in trouble? Remember the main reason why people start seeing the Far shore and things that relate to it.

Of course humans would turn to gods if they can’t solve their problems themselves; that’s the reason they exist. I’ve already mentioned it in the post about memory and memories – the idea of a being that isn’t bound by human constraints, is immortal and can help out when there’s nothing else left takes shape of a person, and that’s how a god is born. Although there’s another reason, too – people hope that if calamity is sentient, you can bargain with it. That’s how people started worshiping Tenjin – not to ask for something they don’t have, but to beg him not to take something they already possess.

It may be that, by sending Yato to obliterate villages, Father was hoping not just for thinning out people, but for a somewhat different reaction from them.

“That boy loved people”. This line is just so heartwarming. And Hiyori already said it before. She saw Yato’s past and how even back then he tried to help humans – like making snow shoes for people in need. She understood him and accepted him.

I don’t really have anything to add to Father wanting “to do something” though. I’ve already said before that Father is done with being the game master and wants to be an actual player. Apparently, he is waiting for Yukine to discover GGS completely before summoning him as a weapon.

The line about natural disasters having human faces caught my attention before the chapter was even translated.  When people die because of natural disasters, it’s horrible, but there’s nothing you can do about it. We can say that “we need to build sturdier houses/dams/etc.”, “we need to take better precaution measures”, and we try, but you can’t possibly predict everything. But in a world where the sun, the moon, the lightning, etc. are personified as gods, a.k.a “have faces”, not only there’s a way for someone to direct their wrath at those faces, but there’s the question of why these sentient elements of nature do these things that hurt humans.

Let’s look at some of the examples of gods harming Nakatsukuni, the world of humans.

Chapter 7 – Bishamon cuts down a grove to get to Yato

Chapter 8 – Kofuku’s vent releases a horde of ayakashi, which results in rising crime rates in Tokyo

Chapter 60 – Bishamon causes a local hurricane to locate Father

Chapter 66 – Takemikazuchi transforms into lightning to fight Yato

The gods harmed the world of humans, but it wasn’t for fun. Bishamon was guided by her thirst for revenge both times. Kofuku was helping her friend. Takemikazuchi became angry because his guide was hurt. All of them felt very human emotions. Except, since they are gods and their power surpasses that of an average human, the result of their outburst is a dead grove, rising crime rates, a damaged school. They aren’t actually trying to purposefully hurt humans but for those who suffer from these actions that’s hardly a consolation. And like I said, it’s one thing when you don’t really have anyone to blame, because the wind that destroyed your house doesn’t hear you, and another, when that wind has a face.

I think that when Father sent Yato to destroy villages, he hoped that the calamities would make people turn away from the gods. After all, people don’t always become more devout during trying times, sometimes they turn away from religion, which is what happened with Father himself. There’s a phrase going around the Internet – it was allegedly written on the wall of a Nazi concentration camp by a Jewish inmate: “If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness”. I don’t know how true this story is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s real.

And even with all this in mind, I still don’t understand Father’s logic. Suppose he doesn’t destroy all of humanity, but does manage to kill all gods. I don’t think it would change that much. Amaterasu, for example, is depicted as the sun incarnate, but… if she’s killed forever, will the Sun go out, too? I understand that I’m going off the rails and into the cosmogenic myth territory here, but I can’t help it. If there are no gods left, but the forces of nature continue to destroy human lives, then Father’s actions hardly change anything. (Look at me, trying to find a reasonable explanation for an unhealthily long revenge plan). Also, don’t forget that gods of other religions canonically exist in Noragami – what is Father going to do about them, I wonder?

As for “someone” being killed by the Heavens, I’ve recently made an assumption that the pock-marked girl’s death could have been a payment of sorts to bring Father back from the dead. I made this assumption knowing that Father’s words in chapter 60 imply that gods were more involved than that. What Nora said here about Father hating attributing gods’ actions to natural disasters makes it obvious that the girl died because of one of such catastrophes. I’ve looked some more at that page from chapter 60, and I still don’t see any visible damage on the girl. However, Adachitoka emphasize a skeleton lying in a field near a dead tree. Also, I’ve turned the page upside down to get a better look, and now this skull haunts me.

Was it a drought, a famine that killed her? Or the smallpox? If these are her remains, why didn’t Father bury them? Who then helped him return from Yomi? We know it was a soul summoning, after all. So many questions that are yet to be answered.

However, even if we didn’t get all the answers yet, these ten pages did reveal a lot.

-          Nora knows Father’s backstory, but not all of it. Apparently, it’s a thing so painful that Father can’t tell everything even to his most devoted supporter.

-          Sakura’s influence on Yato was even stronger than I thought.  It’s possible that Father changed his course of actions and started giving Yato jobs that involved punishing criminals soon after the scene we saw in this chapter.

-          Father, apparently, thinks of himself as some kind warrior of justice while ignoring the fact that he does as much harm as the gods, and that he is a calamity with a human face.

 P.S. that page with the human faces of nature absolutely rocks.

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi, Reversed✖️ here. I really would like to hear your opinion on how to sort out this difficult and sad situation

I can't deal with it alone anymore, especially to analyze it objectively

So um my parent, in front of a guest, took out their anger on me ie screaming, totally losing it, cursing me out coz I took a half min to fetch smth (I was already doing smth else for them) aka huge, nasty reaction. This was def not coz of the delay in the errand btw

Started ranting real ugly, getting louder and angrier (in front of the guest yay me right?��) Ik my parent (P) has underlying issues (pain in their body which they always refuse to get treated for at a hospital whenever I suggest so (and if I offer to massage or bring an Ice pack I get passive aggressive snide remarks for 'pretending to care and be helpful'))

Any way screw that. My point is Law-related. so in this ugly rant (in which ofc parent brings up shite about me, personal effing shite), they shouted how I have 'no goal' in life bla bla among other things

Per EIYPO, is this a reflection of their own limiting beliefs/issues (eg lately all they do is complain with venom abt how things never turn out okay and how 'everything's messed up' etc. So it definitely could be how they feel)... OR is the, somewhat humiliating rant, an indicator of my inner reality and deep buried assumptions?

Tbh l want to cry, especially coz ik they're being like this coz of bodily pain, and ik they're not feeling great being like this either

Sadly, I'm getting triggered. Up until last year, I used to be in a very dark place. I'm working on my self now, and for the most, I'm better equipped to deal with my personal issues (the Law helped me realise how assumptions, thoughts could help me see a point in living; aka it gave me hope). Now even limiting time with P isn't enough. I tell myself idc what they keep saying about me, but I can't stop them (I mean if I talk back, it gets worse yk? If I try to explain, I hear this classic one "Oh so YOU'RE perfect right? You're the only perfect person in the world"... Yeah, it gets old real fast)

It's lame, upsetting. I don't wanna fall in the deep end again. Btw I've always been the one who's listened to P when they want to vent or wanna discuss their interests (even if I'm not that interested, coz ik what it's like to not have anyone interested in ur likes lol). Point is, is their behavior (the screaming outbursts and insane cussing + sometimes I do shudder at their scaring-the-yk-what outta-me expressive hatred of my existence - which they themselves have acknowledged btw aka I've heard them tell others how I've made them negative and unhappy... 😐), So is their behavior reflective of their own assumptions about me OR is it MY deep-buried assumptions reflecting in them?

I don't get it. On many damn occasions they've told me I'm the one who's at fault for 'everything' and, you'll like this one, "how I deserve being treated like this"... I've even asked them what I've done to them, but my P has communication issues (which I've taken as smth to learn for myself so I'm happy I could be mature enough to realise what's healthy and unhealthy communication, work on this and be better), which means, unfortunately, it's tough to get a straight answer back other than defensiveness, accusing me of criticising them bla bla nvm that's the old story (and by old I mean literally old), so idk

Like... Eff it all huh? I try to focus on myself and different aspects of my life, minimize confiding stuff about me, learned to not rely on them too much but idk. It's starting to affect me a lot, you understand right?

As I type this, I realise I'm REALLY hurt by P's shouts and their tone of NOT love. I forgive them for their rants, but how can I feel it in my heart that they don't hate me?

Working on your self concept and learning to love yourself after years then being treated like this insanely messed up my mind. What's the point? I'm getting all those old feelings back. It was so hard to yk, stop living in the dark. Eff me ig. Anyway, EIYPO, mb I gotta persist more on setting boundaries? Allow myself my feelings then move on?

Thanks so much, love

Reversed✖️

Please, nothing abt moving out. I already have distanced myself, unconsciously I now realise, from them. I'd really appreciate it if I could understand how to feel better regarding this situation by changing my concepts, or assumptions or at least understand why I'm so affected

First of all I am so sorry you have to go through this every day, I know you’re a beautiful person and it’s not your fault and you do not deserve it.

Now let’s talk about the law. Everything you see in your reality is a reflection of your own inner world. You create everyone and everybody, nobody can have a belief that you haven’t created them to have.

Also I see a lot of limiting beliefs in you “my parent is in pain and they take it out on me”, “my parent has communication issues.”

I know it’s not the easiest thing to deal with but if you want to change the situation you need to stop attaching these labels to your parent and instead changing them to something positive.

I am not going to tell you it will be easy because we are talking about years of trauma and abuse, however I do want to encourage you to not allow them to treat you like that, physically speak up and also to really consider moving away from that person.

I hope this clarifies some things and I wish you the best. If there’s anything else I can help you with feel free to message!

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[closetcasefabray]

STORY TIME: with all the oblivious wlw memes out, i get a good laugh bc i was one of those oblivious queer girls a year ago. (i still am.)

but between the memes & recently hearing from someone a different version of the same story, ima just vent the answer to “wHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS????”

so i was super smitten with a girl from work but found out she was significantly younger than me. (trust me. i beat myself up over it plenty. i also see how it ended up biting me in the ass.) but we became good friends.

after a year of being friends, she was single & starting this kind of relationship with a bland boy who had pursued her for a year (when she was with her ex gf). we were still talking but i would shut down conversation about this guy. so i wrote this letter to her essentially saying “i like-like you. i wanted to tell you bc i can’t talk to you about that potato you dated bc it makes me feel weird & i still want to be a friend & i will work to make sure my feelings don’t get in the way bc you’re great. stay how you are. just why i get weird when you mention that person. i really appreciate our friendship. sorry.”

i literally brought flowers for her concert, met like half her extended family, threw the flowers & letter at her when her dad was far enough, then ran away.

the next day it took a three hour conversation before she said explicitly “i don’t like [potato]. i don’t want to date him. i like you.” so it became a joke after we’d kiss where she’d tease me “but we’re still friends, right?”

it was great but again she was younger & in the closet & close with her conservative parents. it became apparent that her parents kept warning her about me, like i was a predator or taking advantage of her. then it just became apparent that ppl’s opinions of me were being shared with her often & she was internalizing these tropes of some angry feminist queer woman corrupting this young girl. she went from calling me sweet & patient to judgmental & bitter. (like lol i am all of those but def a drastic change in language.)

i saw things getting tense but wanted to still be friends so after her first day of classes in the spring term i went to surprise her with flowers for her new dorm room, like i had before at the concert. she had told me when she was done with courses but she wouldn’t answer calls or texts when i got there.

so she finally did respond & told me to go home. i was just really confused why she wouldn’t just come see me to get the flowers. i hadn’t planned on spending the night with her—i just wanted to hug her & wish her luck with a really busy term coming. she went on to say “i didn’t invite you here. you need to go home.”

so a couple in pinkberry watched as i stood outside in the rain with a bouquet of flowers & basically got dumped really hard. also didn’t have an umbrella so that must’ve looked pathetically CW angst tragic. (january rain sucks btw.)

i was next to the building she always had classes in, so i just left the flowers with the note wishing her luck & went home. like okay surprises aren’t always good & can be considered creepy. i was ready to talk that out eventually & apologize if it felt like i was pressuring her to come out.

but it turns out she used the predatory lesbian trope to a tee. she called her mother & said she was scared i was trying to find her. she told her family i made a scene on campus demanding to see her & refused to leave.

a week later she blocked me on facebook & was fb official with the boy she had reassured me she wasn’t interested in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so WHY AM I VENTING ABOUT THIS NOW????bc i just found out that her whole family, including her little brother who i am still friendly with (also from work), she told them she NEVER reciprocated the feelings & that she had insisted we be friends despite my unrequited crush. knowing that, it’s obvious why the last part played out so easily, making me look especially fucking terrible in the process. she denies ever being the one to suggest we see each other as more. she denies ever agreeing to a date. or that we def made out a lot but yknow. that’s how you clearly state you want to be just friends?

i’m not heartbroken. i’m sad that i watched a brave person once again leap back into the closet but use me as the monster for the story. gay panic still fucks ppl up.

it’s super laughable how oblivious queer women can be, but there’s a reason we talk ourselves out of seeing ourselves as love interests.

like i TRIED lol i literally TRIED to stay in the friendZone. this isn’t to say “trust no bitch!” this is mostly me saying don’t let other people’s closets be the reason you think less of yourself. also, your closet isn’t an excuse to drag someone else into it or expect them to be on their best behavior to appeal to the bigots in your family. don’t blame your queerness on others. by doing that shit you play a part in a long fucked up narrative.

i honestly pity her more than i feel any anger. i feel bad knowing shes so determined to stay in her family’s good graces. that she will be in so many unfulfilling relationships (not the gender of her partner but that she can’t be open to her partner about her sexuality). i guess i was hoping to see someone not get as fucked up by the closet. (she’s a great actress so i guess i believed she was as strong & uncaring about ppl’s homophobia as she acted.) but we do. we still do. let’s not fuck each other up any more. let’s fuck up the closets.