#this is actually an autobiography

[husbandhoshi]

[3:36 PM]

you don't think there's a better couch in the world than vernon's.

it's blue-gray and you think it's been through several world wars even though you remember the exact moment you picked it out at the local ashley furniture two years ago. there's a hole in the right-most cushion (from when vernon tried to kill a spider with a pen), and mascara stains (yours) you haven't quite figured out how to remove yet, but it is one of your favorite places in the world.

and quite frankly, it's the only place you want to be sometimes—especially now.

"vernon," you wail. "i think i'm destined to die alone. i'm going to adopt a million cats, move out of the city, and die alone."

you watch him fumble with his phone as he attempts to text the doordash guy the apartment code while juggling a box of tissues and your favorite four dollar trader joe's wine.

"hey," he says, as if attempting to calm a wild horse. "you know that isn't true."

he dumps his armful of crisis objects on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch next to you.

this is the usual order of things.

somehow, you, local disaster, had befriended vernon, the most normal person in the world. and this—the wine, the doordash, the sad sza playlist he made you the week you met—somehow became a familiar ritual of yours. (even one you look forward to, seeing as you don't seem to run out of disasters.)

"he's an asshole," vernon supplies unhelpfully. "don't let it get to you."

"it's getting to me. it got to me. i've been gotten." you bury your head in your hands.

"you really deserve better." he takes some tissues out of the box and pats you on the shoulder, visibly searching for the right words to say.

quite honestly, vernon has never handled these situations with ease. he doesn't get worked up like your girl friends, and he doesn't throw his arms open for a long cry like your mom would. but he handles them, and you, with more patience than you ever think you deserve, and you think that's why you love him so much.

"who gets stood up on a hinge date?!" you snort into a tissue. "we had been talking for weeks!"

vernon shrugs as he wiggles the wine cork out of the bottle. "it just means you guys weren't right for each other."

you wad up your kleenex stack and vernon hands you another.

"i'm deleting hinge. and tinder. and bumble. and then i'm getting a cat."

"okay," he laughs. "i'll go with. i'll get one too so they can be friends."

"deal," you croak as you watch vernon stand up to get the delivery. "please tell me you got nacho fries."

"i got you two. with extra cheese sauce."

for the first time today, you laugh. you laugh big and loud because no one in the world knows you better than vernon, and you don't even think he knows it.

he looks at you, head tilted and eyebrows knit together like you've started speaking in tongues. you think he gives you that look at least once a day, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

you laugh again.

[imminent-danger-came]

Those fucking monkeys. Those god damn monkeys

[goodapollo]

💀💀💀💀💀

[batsplat]

there is that adorable pic of a 13 year old pecco and marc, hugging him by the shoulders. pecco hadn’t become a rossi protege yet, marc recently won his title in 125, they are both so so young. like, of course pecco is going to think a senior (albeit as famous as marc was at the time) is cool and worthy of “celebrity” picture! of course marc is going to take photos with kids that ask him to!

and then they meet at the rossi ranch years later, pecco after an abysmal rookie moto3 season, but part of vr46 academy, marc as a multiple world champion in different categories. like, i’m sure they’ve crossed paths in the paddock, but it looks like the ranch was their first outside of work get-together?

i do wonder at what point did pecco stop seeing marc as this admirable motogp giant? they are co-workers/competitors now, supposedly equals. does the childish wonderment and idealization ever go away, when you are put head-to-head? yes, pecco has said that he doesn’t consider himself on marc’s level, but it does really answer the question, when marc achieves something awesome, like a fucking pole on a honda, does it fill pecco only with the sense of falling short, jealousy, frustration, or is there that tiny 13 year old pecco somewhere inside going “wow, this guy is awesome”

anon... first of all this ask is right up my street. second of all, yeah no the thirteen year old never entirely went away

to some extent obviously all riders kinda do this when they end up competing with the guys they grew up admiring. (or well in modern motogp, that's how it worked out - the competitive windows do have to be big enough, yeah? I'm not sure about the nineties premier class riders, but starting from valentino who had the biaggi poster, was a capirossi fan, an norick fan... but then also didn't get to compete directly with doohan for instance and was instead just mentored by him. valentino sticking around for so long basically Breaks this.) like I was talking in this ask about the dani/marc relationship and how when we talk about dani being marc's 'reference', it does mean something slightly different than the valentino hero idealisation. basically, it's the question of whether you think you're gonna fight that guy one day, if all goes well... because if you're little pecco, right, you're looking up to marc and want to be him, but you also want to beat him (if little pecco is feeling very brave). so marc fills the role of 'reference', the bloke who is basically always a few steps ahead of pecco - exaggerated by how precocious marc was. the role of 'hero' is of course again filled by valentino, though in this case pecco didn't actually have to meaningfully compete against his idol. the separation is a bit cleaner

and look, I doubt this ever really went as far as marc's admiration for dani. but yeah as you say: at the end of the day it's this cool superstar who is tearing up the lower categories and then is tearing up the premier class... like that's this prodigy... and then you get to be part of your actual hero's academy AND you're there when the prodigy gets invited to your hero's home!! not only is marc cool, not only is he winning everything, but also valentino clearly thinks he's fantastic... you kinda want valentino to think you are fantastic in the same way he talks about marc and looks at him... and pecco is like. seventeen at this point. great age. super impressionable. he's having a marginally better season than his absolute flop moto3 campaign but it's still!! rough! you know, so far away from this world that valentino and marc inhabit. obviously young athletes dream, obviously they have to be a bit delusional, obviously they have to believe they'll make it, but those are the kinds of harrowing years that really dent your actual belief. like god, the world of valentino and marc must have felt kinda unattainable back then...

anyway, obviously a year later marc became public enemy number one. personally, if I had to guess, I don't really think valentino has ever spoken much to his proteges about the details of the marc feud. it's the kind of thing where you maybe occasionally badmouth a guy you all hate when the kids are in the room, some dismissive comment or some slightly ugly sideswipe... but valentino did probably prefer to keep his mentees out of the whole thing and isn't giving them particularly detailed hot takes on sepang 2015. I mean, look at what luca said last year

hey, he could be lying, but is he really the type? "I'm sure he's still angry" - even that doesn't sound like he knows anything particularly specific about where his brother's at these days. if valentino hasn't spoken much about sepang 2015 with his own flesh and blood, then is he really giving long debriefs to marco bezzecchi? are you sure? of course, unlike luca, pecco does have the dubious distinction of actually being at sepang 2015, so there's always the chance he was in the room when some nasty things were being said about marc... but my sense is that all the academy riders have kind of been left to their own devices when making up their minds about the marc/valentino relationship. just probably a bit of a no-go topic on most days. and while pecco may have initially been completely on board with the marc hate, over the years his stance has mellowed to the brave and bold position of 'actually, I have other stuff to worry about'. like, this is why you don't get this weird bez-style all-over-the-place behaviour from pecco - fundamentally, he is far too sensible and far too interested in his own career to be going around seeking revenge on the behalf of his mentor. it's not like valentino really seems to expect him to either. sometimes the best thing you can do is simply try not to care that much

soooooo fundamentally you get to this place where for quite a few years, pecco really isn't thinking about marc too often I reckon... it's very much background noise - even when he's gotten to motogp, he's obviously not exactly fighting with marc from the word go. he has other stuff to worry about! then marc is gone for a bit! 2021 is kinda weird because pecco never really felt in that championship fight (I mean, maybe he thought he was idk) because he only really got going late in the season, and marc definitely wasn't in that title fight... BUT pecco got his first ever motogp win as a result of a proper great defensive ride against marc at aragon! seven overtakes and re-overtakes in the last few laps! truly some proper smart riding, anticipating where marc was going to attack and figuring out how to get him back every time. and of course, that's like... got to be one of the coolest ways possible you can get your first win? beating one of the all time greats (even if a physically impaired one) in a direct extensive duel? genuinely looking at the current grid, I'd struggle to come up with a cooler maiden win... oh I suppose zarco last year would actually be a decent shout. one of those two imo! anyway what an ego boost that must be

typed out the response to this ask on wednesday and let it *vaguely gestures* simmer a bit, but actually thursday they had pecco on that motogp podcast thingy and talked him through basically his whole career. which is one of those cases of 'not necessarily anything new, but always interesting to hear how the bloke himself puts it', and anyway it does also cover a lot of the stuff referenced in this post, would recommend. I did want to quickly bring it up because pecco does talk about aragon 2021 in that (at around 23 mins in):

Q: And the amount of pressure, for everyone who doesn't remember - it was Aragon '21, vs Marc Marquez, anti-clockwise track, everyone's expecting a certain person to win. [...] Seven times, he passes you in the last three laps, and every time you have to find something, for your first win - A: Not bad, yeah? Q: How was that feeling crossing the line, because it's your first win but it's also the last three laps of craziness that you've come through? A: Yeah, I remember that... we were prepared to fight for this victory because we work at it a lot and we were finally prepared and as soon as started the weekend I was feeling great. Marc was very strong, Fabio was very strong also... We started to race and I did the pole position and then we started to race and Marc was like always super super fast in Aragon because it's a left hander track, he's very strong in Aragon, it's his home grand prix, so... I was trying the maximum and I was there fighting with him and for me was fantastic because I was very strong in a very complicated track for me. The first - was not the first possibility to win but was one of the first and we were fighting with the maximum with the top [player?] so defeating him in Aragon was fantastic and I never could have asked more for my first victory for sure. Because some win their first victory with gap or with some luck, we fight. [...] Yeah, was fantastic.

like I said. it's a really cool win! pecco knows it's a cool win! he knows it's a cool win because it's marc! even two premier class title pecco still feels deeply aware of how special that was

*reaches up to scratch at ear in slightly self-conscious manner when saying "not bad" about beating the eight times world champion*

because it does mean something extra to beat marc, right? and that's also what this represents to pecco, as an opportunity... obviously on balance he'd very much want marc to not be in his team, because he's not an idiot and he's aware it's going to be a bit of a nightmare. that being said! of course, would there be anything cooler than for him than actually beating marc in the same team... I don't want to sound like a broken record on this topic but just to reiterate, none of the titles won post-2019 are in any way diminished by marc's absence - and fundamentally pecco must know he's a deserving champion, even if he still considers himself on a different level from valentino and marc. but of course it would mean something special to beat him! it's already meant something special to beat him in individual races! it'd mean something special if he beats him this year, older bike be damned! and it'd mean something special next year. pecco is deeply wary of marc, and rightly so, but don't take that to mean he isn't up for the fight. he always has been

weirdly enough, I do actually think being valentino's protege might help him be sensible about marc. because the thing is pecco has clearly put some thought into all of this at some point and had to decide for himself... or well, to make peace with the fact that he is not going to be the next valentino rossi - and that he doesn't really want to be. it's kinda the casey versus jorge distinction: you can be a valentino fan and admire everything he's done on-track but still very much know that valentino the persona isn't something you really want to attempt to emulate because it just isn't you, or you can hunger after attaining that kind of 'character' and popularity for yourself and find yourself disillusioned when things turn out differently. pecco's in the casey camp, minus the desire to shove valentino off the nearest cliff edge. like he says:

man wants a quiet life when he's not doing the death sport. and, y'know, marc might not have quite those stratospheric levels of popularity as valentino does... but it's fairly obvious pecco links them in his mind, which is not just about talent. they're both Characters, they're both figureheads in the sport, they're both larger than life. and maybe sometimes, deep down, someone like pecco might wish that kind of thing did come naturally to him... but if he has felt that way, then he's already kinda had to work through all that. he's valentino's successor! he's the next big italian motogp star! but he's never going to be valentino. and he wouldn't want that life, it wouldn't make him happy - and probably he looks at marc with all his drama and controversy and thinks he wouldn't really want all that either. pecco's given all of this a lot of thought, and he's still probably a bit too self-conscious and a bit too aware of all of this stuff for his own good, but that does also mean he knows his own head and where he's at when it comes to his own status in the sport. both when it comes to the character and when it comes to the talent. sure, having marc's fuck you talent would be nice, everyone would want that... but also if you're a two time premier champion, at a certain point you need a certain cockiness about your own abilities. he's spoken about how he needs a more well-settled bike than casey or marc, how he can't out-perform the bike like they can - there clearly is a lot of admiration there, still the sense of respect and awe you probably can't ever quite shake. pecco won't ever be one of those aliens. but he's had enough time to establish himself in the sport before he's had to deal with the marc threat in a more active way, has had the chance to find his place without worrying too much about marc - has been able to build up his own confidence. at the same time, pecco is still very obviously aware of just who marc is and the weight of that legacy and it shapes how he approaches fighting marc. it's pecco's admiration vying with his arrogance - and he has to hope the latter wins out. you can't be fearful of the legacy of those you're trying to beat. you have to kill your heroes, even if it's a strange flavour of hero

anyhow - one big way in which valentino does loom large here is that everyone else is aware of his rivalry with marc and how it is crucial Historical Context for the pecco/marc stuff. because pecco does have that dog in him, he's fundamentally disinterested in fighting his idol's battles and is mainly just looking out for himself. a big part of the general wariness towards marc isn't even valentino-related antipathy or just respect for his abilities, but also this kind of sense of... god, this marc thing is always going to have extra implications, will there be discourse, can there please not be discourse... he doesn't want to get into this stuff, he doesn't want to be part of the sepang 2015 reenactment society. he's pretty determined to stay clear of marc-related controversy at every turn, and generally does do a good job of not letting the undoubtedly extremely annoying marc annoy him... the only time pecco had proper marc-induced head loss was mugello last year - y'know, that whole thing when he felt impeded by marc and then slowed down long enough to give marc the chance to warm up his tyres and catch a pecco tow to the front row. like that was just head gone, the kind of thing that happens when you already find someone deeply annoying and then you kinda choose the wrong moment to get mad at them. with a bit of distance pecco may well have regretted reacting that way, like you don't really want to give marc that kind of opening. he's been way more disciplined since then, but it still opened the door

fundamentally, the less time pecco spends obsessing over marc, the better for him. pecco obviously has to be very aware of marc and wary of him, but he also can't spent too much energy on admiring him or being irritated by him or anything else. (given that valentino's descriptions of the marc/pecco rivalry do seem to frame marc as a competitor who sounds an awful lot like valentino himself, ironically valentino is quite well-placed to offer the 'try to avoid letting the guy who gets off on annoying his rivals annoy you' advice.) it's always going to be tough, isn't it, competing against your heroes, figuring out how to disentangle those past emotions from how you actually approach fighting them, how to feel comfortable enough in your own skin to not be cowed by that status... you can't get to a place where you're so admiring or respectful or intimidated that you're already beaten before the competition even starts - and to his credit pecco has shown he is both willing to stand up to the famous marc marquez as well as capable of doing so. my guess is that for him, the childhood idolisation isn't primarily expressed in a 'wow he dragged the honda to pole!!' (not least when he was using pecco's teammate to directly deny pecco). sure, perhaps you do get those knee jerk reactions of admiring the sheer craft of your rival's riding, just have to do your best not to let it affect you. but for the most part it's... really wanting to beat marc. and sometimes feeling a teensy bit insecure about just how good marc is. and really wanting to beat him. he kinda has to be sensible and talk down in his brain how special this one guy is so he doesn't do anything silly, tell himself it's just any other guy... but it's still always going to be there, hovering in the background. and god does pecco really want to beat him

[logolepsy-babble]

Me from age old enough to understand transphobia to a few months ago: I will never EVER watch Harry Potter again, buy anything Harry Potter related, or even LOOK in the direction of Harry Potter because JK Rowling is a TERF.

Me now with a gigantic Marauders hyperfixation: I think we got lost in translation.

[strangeparadoxlikely]

i love it when the real men i'm obsessed with write books. there's something so silly about going to a bookstore and asking for daniel howell like that's just some guy tumblrinas write fanfiction about and i get to read an actual published book he wrote

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Pete Wharmby has written a book about autism. According to his page:

If you're interested in autistic special interests and hyperfocus then you might enjoy my first book which is about how my interests have shaped my life.

Pete Wharmby, Autistic Author

[frankensteincest]

JULIE ANN THILMANY, Draining Life Forces: Vampirism in Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights

[not-the-coffee-machine4]

you ever think about the fact that the Elton John/Axl Rose tribute concert pairing only happened because Roger Taylor was out here trying to single-handedly solve homophobia

[vivacia-18]

I'm about halfway to two thirds through You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, and asdjasdlkajsadjal

The reveals, the implications, I can't even - mentally I'm rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth. I want to go back and listen to season 3 and season 1 all over again, holy shiiiiit

[cruyffista]

Twenty‐first‐century English football is a stringently male distraction, echoing an emblematical social dialect of power and gender relations. The game's official and unofficial norms and values are sated with images of an obsolete masculinity, very firmly rooted in modernity, yet omnipresent under a thoroughly post‐modern umbrella of fame, celebrityhood and globalized consumption. The media industry's mark on football permits the rapid circulation of images, which, in post‐modern culture, presents the football hero as a ‘character’, entirely open to public deconstruction and perhaps likening him to a character in a soap‐opera – no more or less ‘real’. The mediated football celebrity strolls – perhaps obliviously – through a plot connected to, but not exclusively directed towards, his sport, and is supported by a number of co‐characters including friends, family and ‘wife’. A whole range of women may be included in the categorization of the ‘footballer's wife’, each playing a very different role in the life of the male athlete yet contributing in some way to his masculine guise. From the one‐night‐stand to the devoted housewife and mother, the women (...) tend to embody cultural stereotypes that associate femininity with weakness, dependency and submissiveness. While we recognize the dangers of constructing typologies, in that they often imply boundaries where none may exist, the footballers' wives that are visible in the media regularly conform to particular types where media discourses establish these women as trophies, masculine assets or components in the football player's domestic realm. Even in cases where the wife has fame and celebrity in her own right, she is regularly framed in terms of her status in the private sphere, as a wife, girlfriend or mother. The archetypical feminine traits and physical attributes of these women are flaunted by the popular print media, reaffirming the footballer's heterosexuality and machismo, and the wife's role in the football world is established as being entirely functional – domestic, supportive and calming. When the footballer's wife appears not to fulfil this function, media discourse tends to degrade and emasculate the player.

Ben Clayton & John Harris, Footballers' wives: the role of the soccer player's partner in the construction of idealized masculinity

[gor3sigil]

“Me, Myself and I”s

When I was a kid, I was reckless. I was playing around, my long hair free as soon as mom turned her back and head first in the bushes. I found a hole in the cypresses around our home where nobody could see me, but light was passing between the branches. I called it my clearing and I would go here everytime I could. I imagined that every little particle floating around me was a fairy, that this place was their home, and that to go here and see the fairies meant that you were special and the fairies deemed you worthy.

When I was a kid, I stay locked in the house because my mother was scared I’d get sick. While she was ironing clothes I sat on the floor and looked at her while listening to the radio. Or I helped her and dusted the floor with a broom. I remember that every wednesday afternoon, the sky was gray. The lights were yellowish in my parents bedroom. The singer in the radio sang a breakup song. And my mother sang along.

When I was a kid, I was lively. In family gatherings, I loved to chat with every adult, hopping on knees after knees to tell stories that popped in my mind like fireworks. I could make out the craziest back stories about any piece of jewelry, every rock, every tree, always something to do with magic and heroes in ancient caves plotting an attack against some evil forces. A red or orange ring was the Ring of Fire, an odd shaped rock was an artifact belonging to a civilisation that didn’t exist anymore, a pretty flower was to be infused in hot water to cure illnesses. And I drew these sacred objects in action, giving away pieces of my imagination to amused people or making amulets for them to wear and have good luck.

When I was a kid, I was jaded. That’s what one teacher said to my mom when I was in 1st grade. That’s what another wrote in my report card in 2nd grade. During recess, I went to sit alone against the school gates and watched as my imaginary friends were playing outside, calling me, asking me why I couldn’t go with them. I was distracted and easily startled. But I was often praised for how calm I was. How you couldn’t hear me. If you put me in a place without toys and with only grown ups around, I’d go in a corner, sit and hum to myself until it was time to go. The only issue was getting me to break from my daydreams.

When I was a kid, I was blunt. I spoke my mind, sometimes a bit too much. That was how I made friends. I’d go see a little girl crying and told her how pretty she was, then we’d be playing together like nothing happened. I could spot someone who needed help just looking around in the room and go ask if I could give them a hand. I was generous and loved to make little gifts for the people I loved, for kids who needed comfort, for parents who let me stay at their house to play with a friend. Everyone was welcomed in my heart.

When I was a kid, I was gloomy. I was often busy, alone, in a corner of the playground, talking to myself, rocking back and forth, shaking my head when one of my invisible mate would say something stupid. I laughed out loud to nobody, and when asked what made me laugh, I’d lock myself back in my mind without answering. I let people walk over me. I got my favourite toys stollen. A boy I didn’t like would sometimes take me by the hand to a hidden corner and kiss me on the mouth, even forced his tongue in it a couple times. My mother called me a disgusting bitch.

When I was a kid, I was an orphanage. When I try to remember it’s like my brain is split in two. Which kid was I ? The bubbly one, the empty one, the angry one ? Was it me who shout at my brothers and sisters ? Was it I who laughed while watching cartoon ? Did I cry myself to sleep ? Was I the one who comforted me ?

Why is my mother so warm and feels so safe in one memory but if a child-me draws the scene she has red glowing eyes and sharp fangs like she’s going to eat me ? Why is my father ugly and scary and screaming in my mind while another child-me cries for him to take me in his arms and never let go ?

Grown up me doesn’t know how to tell a story, because there’s a thousand I shouting to tell their sides everytime “I” try to. And I’d give anything for my brain to be a pile of books I could read, sorted by authors: me, myself, and Is.

[batsplat]

Casey Stoner, Pushing the Limits

GP11:

GP12:

x

[gimmethatagustd]

i have a bts cursor chrome extension downloaded which means that my cursor is a cartoon version of this taehyung

and i did a virtual meeting with one of my student interns this morning where i had to share my screen and i fucking forgot she would see it jshdfjks

and then when i hover over a link the cursor changes to a cartoon version of this yoongi lying on his tummy

i'm such a bad example of professionalism for these college kids lmfaoo

[yonderghostshistories]

(inspired by @theinsurancesketch 's post)

Monty Python gang, should I watch "A Liar's Autobiography" (2012) and is it any good?

[positivelybeastly]

What's supposed to be the implications of this quote?

“How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!”

"Ahh. Well, to understand the quote, you first have to understand where it comes from and the wider context of the work. It originates in Eloisa to Abelard, a verse epistle written by Alexander Pope in 1717 - a verse epistle being a poem told over the course of several letters, hence the title."

"It's inspired by the real life story of Héloïse d'Argenteuil and Peter Abelard, a romance with a twenty year age gap from the 12th century, one kept secret from the world at large so as not to destroy Abelard's career.

But, as is inevitably the case with stories that survive hundreds of years, the secret came out. Héloïse's family castrated Abelard, and he joined a monastery in shame for his quite literal loss of manhood."

"Her own prospects now dim, Héloïse, or Eloisa, was convinced by Peter to take vows as a nun. They led successful, if . . . lesser, lives, in their respective monasteries, but Abelard continued to write, most notably the Historia Calamitatum, which, as you might guess, is a history of misfortunes . . . his autobiography. When Eloisa read it, her passion for him was reignited, and they wrote to one another.

But. Things had changed."

"They tried to make sense of their tragedy, of why them, of why they had been betrayed, why their love had to be so profoundly dashed upon the rocks, but it only brought them pain. In the poem, which is a fictionalised version of the real life series of these events, Eloisa confesses her love, remembering the life they had enjoyed together.

And in remembering, and remembering the pain that comes with remembering, she exclaims;

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!”

How happy is the innocent virgin's lot in life? The world forgets her, and she is, by the world, forgotten. In a mind without darkness, before tragedy, before loss, before failure, there is nothing but eternal sunshine. What a happy state of being that must be, to not know and to forget."

"How happy we are, when we are ignorant. Before we ruin ourselves."