#this is also a topic i could talk abt for hours im rlly rlly mad abt shit like this

[friendlessclown]

tw for discussion of self harm and mental illness (not in an immediate way im alright)

godd i wish there was more resources abt harm reduction stuff out there and i ESPECIALLY wish that harm reduction resources would actually come up when u do a lil panic mental illness google search yknow?? like thinking back to when i was younger and way too scared to get any help for my depression and i was trying to find shit online to make living with my brain more bearable and all i could find was hey!!! dont kill yourself!!!! dont self harm!!!! dont be depressed!!!! id never even heard the term harm reduction and i didnt know how to properly take care of my cuts (i usually didnt even put bandaids on em and when i did theyd be wayy too small) and yknow. if someone had told me how to actually take care of my cuts and how it was important to take care of my cuts instead of just telling me to not hurt myself which i definitely could not achieve at that point maybe i wouldve started taking better care of them earlier yknow? and maybe that would extend to the rest of my body, maybe id see that my body is not built to be destroyed, maybe id have felt a bit better than i did, a little less guilty after i cut because maybe i would understand that i was constantly fighting with my own brain. maybe id have been more compassionate to myself, knowing that i was trying my best and despite what all the people on the internet who think they know fucking everything say, not dying and not hurting yourself are difficult things, not succeeding doesnt make you worthless, doesnt make you a failure. more than anything i just really wish people in general and especially resources written for mentally ill people or their families were kinder and more understanding to ppl who're mentally ill yknow. bc so often they talk abt us like we're less human or dont understand our own decisions or situation and it rlly fucks with you yknow. i wish the people who wrote those articles and comments and shit wouldve seen the 10 year old on the other side of the screen, wouldve just said please stay alive to see the news tomorrow, and that wouldve been all i needed to do

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

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ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.