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charincharge · 3 months

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I Don't Want To Wait, seventy-four

rowaelin high school bff au masterlist

AN: Well, babes, this is it. The final effing chapter of IDWTW. When I started writing this, almost exactly four years ago (chapter 1 posted on may 29, 2020!), I had no idea what it would become. I thought it was going to be vv casual prompt-based high school pining vignettes, simply to rewrite my own version of Dawson’s Creek – if you’ve ever wondered why it was called IDWTW, that’s why! It was a temp title that stuck! – but 375k+ words later… it’s become so much more. And that is because of YOU. Whether you have been here since 2020 or you joined along the way or you're finding this years after the face, I am infinitely grateful. I don’t know that I would have been able to pull through the last few years without your kindness and enthusiasm for these two idiots (and their friends and fam). I have loved telling this story, but mostly, I’m grateful that this journey introduced me to so many incredible humans and created a community of babes I will hold near and dear to my heart for literally ever (it’s true, I loved one of you so much that I drove across the country to meet her, and in a few short months she will be my WIFE!). This story brought so much good into my life, and I am hella proud to finally conclude it. From the incredible creators who made fanart, to the essays of comments on each chapter, to the back and forth of discussing consent, sexuality, and reproductive rights in my inbox, every gif, comment, reblog, message, ask, and interaction of any kind has been a joy. Thank you.

With all of that said, let’s wrap this mother up.

A soft glowing circle lit up the black beneath Aelin’s feet. Her stomach tightened as she rested on one leg and hitched to the side in a slow exhale. Her breath centered her as she pulled her pointed toes up her calf until it extended into a slow and steady develope. Just as she had barely met the apex of her leg’s vertical reach, she exhaled again and twirled to the floor. The music cascaded over her as she continued to move, her muscles moving on autopilot into seamless choreography. She had beaten out several far more senior company members for this solo and had practiced it so many times that it lived within her, sure to remain there for the rest of time. With each of her graceful steps, the spotlight followed her and swathed her in its golden column, as if she were being beamed up into the sky above. With how much lift she got in her leaps, she felt like she was, too. Finally, the bass came in signaling the end of her solo and for the rest of the company to join her on stage, but even as the spot widened until it cast a bright haze across the floor, the floor remained empty.

Confused, she looked into the wings, but all she saw was blackness, not even the barely there violet glow of the stage manager’s lamp. She was grateful for her muscle memory, as her limbs continued their practiced movements as her brain whirled in confusion and panic. She was mid-twirl when the music came to an abrupt stop, and she had to put her entire energy into not tumbling over her own foot. When she finally regained her balance, she looked up and around in confusion. The audience, which she’d thought was packed, was emptied out, only one solitary figure remained. Even barely lit and in silhouette, Aelin would recognize her mother’s haughty posture and signature bouffant. Her slow, delicate clap was a stark contrast to the thrumming pulse of Aelin’s heart pounding against her rib cage.

“Mom?” she breathed, barely a whisper but it still echoed through the empty theater.

“A child bride,” Evalin replied with disgust.

Aelin’s brow shot up. “H-how did you—?”

Evalin cut her off. “You thought you could steal my wedding dress from my closet, and I wouldn’t know about it?”

Aelin looked down in confusion, but sure enough, her recital clothes had transformed into the ivory strapless column sheath she used to admire as a small girl. Rhoe had kept their wedding photo in his bedroom long after Evalin left, only removing the photo when a young Aelin commented with a wistful sigh that she’d never seen Rhoe smile the way he did in the black and white snapshot. The dress was stunning in its simplicity, all clean lines and structured satin.

Her hands pressed against the fabric, as if knowing this wasn’t right, but unsure of the how or why. A soft tinkling laugh drifted across the room, and Aelin’s eyes darted to the noise, hopeful that someone had come to save her from this bizarre encounter and nearly collapsed in relief when Rowan’s shock of icy hair appeared in the doorway.

He looked as handsome as ever in his lacrosse jersey, a wide grin on his face and a giant trophy in his hands. Her smile matched his, realizing that he must have come here straight from his championship. Winning his championship.

“Rowan!” she called out, but he didn’t look up. Instead, he offered his free arm to the source of the tinkling laughter. A beautiful woman accepted his bicep and wrapped both her manicured hands around his forearm possessively. He leaned down and brushed his lips against the top of her head in a gesture so familiar that it physically hurt Aelin to watch. “Rowan?” she called out again, this time much quieter.

Evalin’s cruel bark of laughter was the only response she received. “You offered him everything, and it still wasn’t enough. You’ll never leave this small town. You really are your father’s daughter.”

“No,” Aelin told her mom emphatically. “NO!”

“Yes,” she said simply.

“NO!” Aelin screamed again as unwitting tears streamed down her cheeks, hot under the persisting spotlight. “R-rowan!” she choked out, but he couldn’t hear her, too enraptured by the woman in his arms, eyes — and ears, apparently — only for her. “Rowan!” she sobbed. She went to leap off the stage, but she was caught mid-air, her back hitting something with such a force that it knocked the wind of her.

“Ace?” Rowan’s voice was in her ear, his hand rubbing at her back as she gasped for air. She cracked her eyes open and sagged as she realized that she was safely wrapped in Rowan’s firm embrace. “Whoa, you’re okay.” His voice was a reassuring balm to her heart, which felt bloody and bruised.

“I’m okay,” she forced out, though it came out so shaky that Rowan pulled back to peer into her eyes. She wanted to avert her gaze, hopeful that he wouldn’t be able to see the panic that was still coursing through her body, but the dark green of his irises calmed her, so she stared and focused and thought of things that reminded her of the deep shade of Rowan’s eyes. Emeralds. Yulemas garlands. The long row of lockers in their gym room. Grass and trees in the setting summer sun. The jade plant that Maeve claimed brought her good luck that sat on her kitchen counter. Moss. Green tea leaves. The fake snake he’d placed in her bed every prank week. That knocked her out of her tranquil stupor, and she couldn’t help but frown at him.

“Yeah, you’re okay,” he said, but continued to rub circles into the tense space between her shoulder blades. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Aelin shrugged. “It was weird.” She paused for a long while, trying to think of how to tell him about it. “My dance showcase went off the rails?”

Her admission had its intended effect. He squeezed her tightly and kissed the soft spot of skin behind her ear. “Well, that’s silly, brain,” he said, letting his kisses trail up to the side of her temple. “You already crushed your showcase.”

She grinned in response. It was true. She had crushed the showcase, and Rowan had been there just as she’d dreamed in his jersey and trophy in hand. They’d gone into double overtime, and he’d barely made it to her opening solo. With seconds to spare, he’d slid into a seat in the front row, so she’d be sure to see him cheering her on. But she’d known it the whole time. She could feel his gaze on her as she twirled across the stage. The end of that performance had been, well… not the same as her brain had rewritten it. But, Rowan was right. Her brain was being silly.

“Maybe it’s just acting out because someone kept me up all night,” she said, loving the way that Rowan’s ears still turned pink.

“It’s not my fault,” Rowan said, but his blush said otherwise.

“Sure it’s not,” she said with a lascivious smile.

To celebrate their final week of high school, Aelin and Rowan had planned a movie marathon on Maeve’s rooftop. It included a trifecta of essential graduation movies: Can’t Hardly Wait, Booksmart, and Grease. But what she hadn’t realized was that Rowan wouldn’t be able to help himself from singing along. And he knew what his singing voice did to Aelin’s libido. She couldn’t help herself. Somewhere in the middle of Greased Lightning, the movies were all but forgotten as the pair tangled themselves in each other.

Stretching his limbs to the sky, Rowan looked like a literal god. The early morning sun cast a glow across his stern brow and strong nose, making him look as chiseled as a marble statue.

“If you keep that up, I’m taking you right back to bed,” he said of her lusty gaze and hooded eyes. He poked her side, eliciting a loud squeal.

“Whatever,” she laughed. “It’s not like we have anywhere to be today.”

It was true. Today was the last Monday of the year. AKA, senior skip day. And she’d purposefully not committed to joining anyone’s plans, so she and Rowan could extend their marathon if they wanted to – she also had High School Musical 3, She’s All That, and Dazed & Confused lined up — or just laze around all day. But they had time. Considering where the sun was, it was still very, very early. She imagined Maeve would be in the midst of morning service and briefly considered heading downstairs to grab them some coffee and croissants, but instead she laid back onto the mattress and fluffed a pillow beneath her head. Rowan followed, nuzzling onto her chest. She stroked his hair, not wanting to separate herself from him with the tendrils of her dream still lingering in her consciousness.

“Last week of senior year,” he said. “In three days we’ll be high school graduates. How do you feel?”

“Terrified,” Aelin said, the word blurting out before she could filter it back. Damn that coffee-free brain.

She could feel Rowan tense slightly, but he let her early morning admission slide, and she was grateful for it. “Mm, me too,” he agreed. “The lacrosse boys signed up to do a car wash for community service day, and I’m worried I’m going to see things I can’t unsee,” he said with a shudder.

Aelin couldn’t help but snort. While today was a skip day, tomorrow was a service day. Each senior had to do some sort of community service in order to graduate. Ridiculous. Not like they hadn’t all passed their classes already. She supposed the sentiment was nice, but as someone who’d been volunteering with the hospital for the last two years, it felt a bit shallow. Unauthentic. Forced, if you will. And the athletic teams always used it as an excuse to strip down to their skivvies and wash horny housewives’ cars for an exorbitant amount of money. At least it was better than the Boy Toy auction Lorcan had told them they’d finally outlawed because of the gross raunch factor.

“Just tell them to use a sponge and that their junk isn’t for rubbing against dirty cars,” Aelin advised. Rowan groaned loudly.

“Great, now I can never close my eyes again,” he whined.

“Are the cheerleaders also doing the car wash?” Aelin asked, definitely not thinking about her dream at all. But Rowan was definitely not going to let that comment slide. His head popped up, and she found herself ensconced in his shadow as he peered down at her with an accusatory glare.

“I think a few of them are,” he said. “But… you remember that I’m about to marry you, right?”

“A lot of married people cheat, Rowan,” she said, pushing him off. She hadn’t meant to be so pouty about it, but she couldn’t get the image of his arms wrapped around that dream woman out of her mind.

Rowan looked rightfully hurt, the corners of his mouth turned down and his brow furrowed as he stared her down. “You cannot be serious.” He knocked at her temple. “This has gone beyond your brain being silly. We are so many years beyond this. Do you have amnesia?” He knocked again. “Helloooo, Aelin, are you in there? Have you been possessed by the ghost of your past self?”

“Shut up,” she mumbled, pushing his hand away, but he persisted.

“No,” he said, pulling his pants from last night on. He searched for his shirt briefly, but unable to find it, he simply turned toward Aelin in stoic silence, arms crossed over his bare chest and face looking discontent. “I’m not going to let you say shit like that, Ace. That’s…” He pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. To be fair, she was exasperating. “That’s hurtful. To me. I know you’re scared about the future, but I thought we established that I’m in this with you.”

Aelin scrambled to her feet. “We did.”

“So…?”

He stood there, tapping his fingers against his bicep which was curled protectively around his torso still. Not letting her in. Waiting.

But she couldn’t explain it to him. That lingering nagging feeling of insecurity and worry and failure. So instead, she apologized. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was good enough for now.

. . .

Instead of spending senior ditch day in bed, Aelin and Rowan joined their friends for a never ending picnic day in the park. Which wasn’t exactly what Aelin had wanted, but she had a feeling that she needed to loosen the reins on her panic, lest she piss him off even more. She had a feeling that maybe she’d loosened things too much, though, when she realized midway through her community service day that she hadn’t heard from Rowan in hours. She’d been helping the hospice section of the hospital, which was designated for those who needed round the clock medical care. Their rooms varied from being fully decked out with medical equipment and monitors to the one she was in, which simply had a low bed, a tv, and a chair. Not a monitor in sight. Had she not known the woman needed constant care and surveillance each time she rose from her chair to go to the bathroom, she would have thought she was in someone’s grandmother’s house. As the woman made her tenth trip to the bathroom, Aelin took out her phone. Just to peek. There was no text from Rowan, btu there was one from Dorian. It was a link to a TikTok with the side eye emoji, and she clicked it quickly.

She watched as washboard abs and pecs were drenched with soapy suds as they washed dirt-ridden cars. She bit her lip as Rowan came into view, his muscles rippling as he reached across the hood, his biceps flexing and unflexing with each wipe.

“Mmmmm,” Aelin’s elderly patient hummed appreciatively over her shoulder as she exited the bathroom and spotted the phone screen. She scrambled to put it back in her pocket, but her patient simply chuckled dryly as she snatched the phone into her wiry grasp. “A friend of yours?” she asked curiously, peering up from the screen where the video was replaying.

“Boyfriend,” Aelin admitted, her cheeks burning.

“Lucky girl,” the woman giggled, her hazel eyes alight with joy as she handed the phone back to Aelin where it made its way back into her pocket quickly. “What are you doing spending your time here with an old fuddy-duddy like me?” Aelin was about to protest, but the woman continued. “What’s his name?”

“Rowan,” she finally said as the woman wrapped herself in a thin blanket and tucked herself into her favorite upholstered rocking chair.

“Rowan,” she repeated back. “That’s a good name. A strong name. A reliable name.”

Aelin frowned. “Reliable?”

“Well, isn’t he?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Sturdy,” the woman continued. “In more ways than one. I can tell.”

Aelin gasped, chastising the woman for her forwardness but she simply laughed it off.

“You’re right,” she whispered, as if she were letting her in on a big secret.

“Go, get out of here,” the woman laughed.

“But I still have two more hours?” Aelin said of her unsigned sheet of volunteer paper, but the woman simply shook her head and beckoned for Aelin to come closer.

“I appreciate your service,” she rasped, “But I just want to nap, and it’d be a shame for you to watch me sleep for two hours. You’ll have the rest of your life to work,” she said signing and dating Aelin’s paper for two hours in the future. “You can fuck around for a few hours.”

Aelin gasped again at the profanity, but smiled regardless.

“Thanks,” she said, but the woman had already nodded off in her chair.

. . .

“Droooooool,” Lysandra laughed as she poked Aelin’s side and pulled her out of her skin-induced stupor.

“I—”

“Were staring?” Lys cackled, following Aelin’s eyeline to where Rowan was clad only in his old red lifeguard shorts. The backs of his thighs were exposed, the hem of the shorts riding up as he leaned down to clean the back bumper of a particularly dirty sedan. Unlike his teammates who were filming each other and tossing sponges back and forth, Rowan was focused on the task at hand, making sure that the car he was working on was well-cleaned. “I hate to interrupt your literal wet dream,” she continued, “But, I wanted to invite you to a party.”

Aelin grabbed the paper from Lysandra’s hands and looked down at it.

“You’re having a party?” Aelin asked, surprised by the idea of her sober friend having the graduation rager she’d always wanted to throw.

“It’s gonna have booze,” Lys said, “But… I will not be partaking.” She cleared her throat. “I know that this year is not at all what I imagined, but I finally feel like I’m okay, and I would feel like shit if I didn’t throw the graduation party of the century.” She flicked her brown curls over her shoulder. “Just because I’m sober doesn’t mean I can’t party.”

“Certainly not,” Aelin agreed. She looked at her friend who’d been through the wringer and spit out again and had come out seemingly unscathed and couldn’t help but wonder… “Hey, Lys?” she asked before her friend could move to the next person. Lysandra looked up, eyes curious. “Do your parents know you’re having this party?”

If Lysandra was surprised by the question, she didn’t show it. Instead, she half shook her head and half shrugged. “No.”

“Should I be worried about that?” she asked, but to that, Lys gave a hard head shake.

“No.”

“But you haven’t reconciled with them?” Aelin didn’t know why she was asking these questions, but at the same time, the answers seemed all too important.

“It’s hard to reconcile with someone who doesn’t care,” Lysandra finally said. “But, I will say that I’ve let it go.” She cleared her throat. “The needing them to care.” She smiled then, a small curve but Aelin saw it regardless. “I wanted them to care for so long,” she admitted. “For too long, probably. So I acted out. A lot. Willing them to pay attention, at the very least. But you can’t will someone to care, even your parents,” she laughed softly. “And I’ve been through enough therapy now that I’m starting to realize that as much as that hurts, it’s okay.” She paused. “I don’t need them to care. Because I care enough for all of us. And I realized there are a lot of people out there who care, too.” She paused, looking at Aelin, as if trying to cut through the bullshit and tell Aelin exactly what she wanted to hear, and in that moment… she did. “Does that make sense?”

Aelin nodded. “It does.”

Lysandra tapped the paper in her hands. “Immediately after graduation, and we’ll go all night. Bring your bathing suit,” she said.

“Will do,” Aelin laughed, but she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to Lysandra’s words. Her friend had laid it out plainly for her. What she’d been afraid to admit all along. That she maybe really seriously actually needed to go to therapy. The wounds her mom had imparted on her psyche ran deeper than she knew how to deal with. If her dream was any indication, her mom still controlled some part of her identity, and she needed to release that. Because that had nothing to do with who she was as a human. Not at all.

After the dream, she had thought that maybe she needed to call her mom and let her hear her thoughts, but Lys was right in her assessment: it was impossible to control someone else’s feelings. Even your mom’s. Yes, she wanted her mom to love her and want the best for her, but truly, her mom barely knew her. All Evalin knew was propriety and etiquette and history. She didn’t know that her favorite color was green, like Rowan’s eyes. She didn’t know that her favorite food was Maeve’s chocolate cake. She didn’t know that she was thinking about a career in medicine and how much she loved helping people. And she certainly didn’t know that Aelin wanted at least five kids and to make sure that every single one of them felt loved and adored by both their parents. No. She couldn’t make Evalin care, or pay attention long enough to even try to care. And she had to let that go. It would take a lot of work, but she had to.

With that in mind, she called out Rowan’s name, followed by a whoop and a loud expletive. His answering blush and crooked finger, beckoning her to wrap herself in his half-naked embrace was all she needed to know that she’d been forgiven. But she knew she had to explain anyway. He let his teammates know that he would be back in a minute and let Aelin pull him away from the long line of cars still waiting to be washed.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, tilting her head upwards where he loomed over her. He softly kissed the top of her head, warming her even more than the mid-afternoon sun. “I could say I don’t what came over me yesterday, but… that’d be a lie,” Aelin continued.

He squeezed her side in response, not interrupting her but acknowledging that he was listening and waiting.

“Did you know that the morning of my sixteenth birthday I woke up and resolved that I would kiss you that year?” she asked, and he barked out a confused laugh.

“Um, what?”

“I was so determined to do it, too. And do you know why?” she asked as she let her hands trace small circles into the soft skin of his back.

“Because you knew you wanted to be with me forever and ever and that we’re perfect together and meant to be and we’re each other’s soul mates and other halves and one of us just needed to make a move?”

Aelin snorted loudly. “No,” she laughed, screwing up her face. “Not at all.”

Rowan’s forehead wrinkled as his brow transformed into a deep furrow. Clearly her words weren’t at all what he expected to hear. But, she knew she needed to get this out.

“When I thought about why I wanted to kiss you so badly, I realized that it was a test. If I kissed you and blew up our entire friendship, then I’d be right about everything I thought about myself. That you could never love me as much as I loved you. And so obviously you’d leave. Because everyone leaves.”

Rowan’s grasp tightened around her waist, locking her against his chest. “But I’m still here.”

“You are.” She paused, finally letting the words come to the surface. “I think…” She shook her head. That wasn’t the right start at all. “I know… that my mom deeply screwed me up.” She took another deep breath. “And watching you get recruited and this whole college limbo thing has made it so much worse. Because every day it feels like I’m just waiting for you to get up and realize that you’ve outgrown me. But you haven’t done anything to make me feel like that at all. And so, I’m really sorry. My issues are my own, and I’m going to work on them.”

“Thank you,” he said. “For the apology, and for letting me know what’s going on in there.” His fingers tucked under the hem of her shirt and matched the circles she was placing on his back. “I’ll try and remember all of that when you inevitably freak out again, but I look forward to proving you wrong every day for the rest of our lives. Because I’ve said it a few hundred times before, but I’ll keep saying it until you believe it: you’re stuck with me. Forever.”

“Forever,” she echoed back.

“Whitethorn,” a rough voice called out. “We need you back!”

In his absence, the line of cars had somehow grown impossibly longer. “Looks like you’ve got work to do,” she said, raising her brow.

“Will I see you later?” he asked, and Aelin couldn’t help but scoff.

“Oh, you thought I was leaving?” she laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m going to snag a prime spot for ogling and then maybe we can hop into the jeep when you’re finished.”

“Really?” he laughed. “Even smelling like sweat and sunscreen?”

“Ohhhhh yes,” she said, practically drooling as he let her hands climb up the ridges of his defined abs. “That’s even better.”

He responded with a deep kiss that set her body ablaze, tingling from head to toe, that was interrupted by more panicked calls from his teammates. After prying himself away, Aelin found a spot on a nearby bench, giving her the perfect view to fawn over half-naked and half-wet Rowan for the next few hours.

. . .

The next morning, Aelin was awoken much too early. She was pulled from her easy slumber with a dance remix of Pomp & Circumstance coming from her phone alarm. What the hell? As she slapped at the table next to her, attempting to turn off the too-loud music in vain, she felt her dad’s hand cover hers and lead it to the offending object.

“Congrats, graduate,” Rhoe’s warm voice lilted as he gently rubbed at her shoulder.

“Dadddd,” she groaned as she attempted to put her pillow over her head. Now that that music was off she could go back to sleep. Or so she thought. She should have known better than to play tug of war with a man who could bench press and carry three times her weight. Rhoe’s soft laughter was a stark contrast to the forceful way he wrenched the pillow away. She managed to keep it within her grasp, but Rhoe’s strength kept it locked at a significant distance from her face. She tried to pull it closer, but Rhoe wasn’t letting that happen. She guessed it was time to wake up, per Rhoe’s request.

Defeated, Aelin let her fingers drop from the pillow, and finally cracked an eye open. Behind her dad’s head was a swath of green and gold, and she focused she could see that nearly ever inch of the room had been filled with balloons.

“Happy last day of high school,” her dad said with a too-wide smile given the early hour. When she opened her other eye, his smile widened even further, showing off two deep dimples that she recognized from her own reflection.

“It’d be happier if I could sleep more,” Aelin grumbled, but it wasn’t with any real mirth. Hung on the outside of her closet door, Rhoe had steamed her deep emerald graduation robe.

“I have one more day left with my high school student, and I plan on making every second count,” Rhoe said, causing Aelin to smile in reply.

“Tyrant,” she laughed. But she was grateful.

After allowing her to get ready, the pair made their way to Maeve’s, where she’d saved a two top for them by the window. Within seconds of sitting, a large hazelnut coffee and platter of stuffed French toast and bacon appeared in front of her. Yes, being in a small town was sometimes annoying – but no matter where she and Rowan went in the world, she knew a plate of Maeve’s home cooking would be waiting for her when she came back.

She and Rhoe enjoyed a lazy brunch, ordering second and third cups of coffee.

“Fourth?” Rowan asked, coming around with the coffee pot.

“If I have any more coffee I’ll be peeing every twenty minutes for the rest of the day,” she laughed, shoving him away. Though he hadn’t been able to join them for their breakfast because he was helping train a new staff member for Maeve, he’d dropped a soft kiss on her cheek every time he’d passed by their table. Which. Was a perfect way to enjoy her day. They’d planned to have a celebratory brunch the four of them, since they’d all be going to Lysandra’s (family inclusive!) graduation party following their graduation ceremony, but having it just be Rhoe and Aelin felt right, too.

“As if you don’t do that already,” Rhoe scoffed. “I’m half expecting you to hop off the graduation stage as soon as they hand you your degree to take a pee break.”

“Dad!” she said, cheeks blooming with redness. Yes, she had brought up peeing first, but she couldn’t believe her dad would talk about her like that in front of Rowan.

“Please,” Rowan laughed. “As if I don’t know about your tiny bladder.”

“You’re both the worst,” she grumbled. “Can we talk about something else besides my pee schedule?”

“Yes, I wanted to ask what you’re wearing under your gown today,” he said before his brain caught up to what he said. “Not in a sexy way!” he said, blush raging as Rhoe raised a pointed brow in his direction. It’d been a while since she saw Rowan look so flustered under Rhoe’s gaze, and she forgot how amusing it was. “So we can coordinate,” he finally said. “For photos.”

“Not in a sexy way,” Rhoe muttered to himself. Something akin to a wheeze came out of Rowan’s mouth as he tried to correct himself again, but Aelin thought it was time to put him out of his misery.

“You can wear whatever you want,” she said. “Because I’ll be wearing a white dress.”

Rowan’s widened eyes darted to Rhoe and then back to her, and she didn’t miss the way his throat bobbed with a nervous gulp.

“A white dress?” he croaked.

“Mhm,” she said. “So anything you wear will go with it.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Speaking of,” Rhoe said, clapping his hands loudly and breaking them from their joint reverie. “We should head out so you can start getting ready.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, knowing that her dad was teasing her about how long it took her to get ready, but as she glanced at the time she realized he wasn’t entirely wrong. They had been so caught up in their lengthy breakfast that it was now well after noon.

With a small kiss, she told Rowan she’d see him out on the lacrosse field in a few hours. Unfortunately, Galathynius and Whitethorn were annoyingly far apart in their grade lineup, so she wouldn’t see him for real until after the ceremony. But all he did was send her away with a smile and a kiss.

“Can’t wait,” he said.

. . .

Of course they were graduating on the hottest day of the year. Though the weather forecast had predicted partly sunny skies and balmy breezes, instead they received a cloudless sky, still and relentlessly hot beneath the beatific sun. The thick polyester robe in dark emerald green created a tent of heat around her, and she could feel every inch of her skin beading with sweat beneath it. She hoped when she took off the gown she still looked somewhat presentable, otherwise her hours of preparation would be for naught.

True to her dad’s prediction, Aelin had taken a while to get ready, shaving her legs thoroughly and straightening each strand of her long blonde locks. Of course, beneath her cap and combined with the thick humidity, her hair was beginning to show its natural wavy texture again. And she had a feeling that as soon as her cap was off, she’d be pulling her tresses into a giant pile on top of her head, pictures be damned. Luckily, she’d sprayed her face with a few layers of setting spray so no matter how much she sweat, her winged eyeliner and flawless complexion weren’t budging.

Beside her, Dorian swiped a bead of sweat that had fallen down his temple. Not even his mop of thick curls was enough to prevent the amounts of sweat from cascading down his cheeks and neck.

“If this speaker doesn’t hurry up, we’re going to boil alive,” he whispered as their graduation speaker drolled on. The man was supposed to be inspiring — he was an author turned executive, but his slow talking pace seemed to be getting slower with each word. Not only that, but each word seemed to be the same tone with no inflection, and Aelin was worried all of them were going to fall asleep before their names were called. Maybe she’d be more inclined to listen to his words of wisdom if the hundreds of them weren’t swimming in pools of their own sweat.

Somewhere in her musings, she heard a round of applause, signaling the end of the speech. Thank god.

The next speaker was their class valedictorian, slash Prom Queen. None other than Elide.

“On behalf of the Seniors, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who has been a part of our success,” she began. “The last four years have been filled with bumps in the road, and it hasn’t been easy. But our success is a direct result of everything you’ve given us. Your care and belief in us and faith when we doubted ourselves have been integral in our quest for knowledge. That includes our teachers, who taught us not only school lessons but lessons in life. Our parents and families, who have been there since the beginning. And the families we’ve created along the way.” She paused, searching for a face in the audience, smiling widely when she found her teal-haired girlfriend smiling back at her. “The bond that links us isn’t one of blood. It’s forged in joy and tears and friendship and respect,” Elide’s eyes found Aelin’s at that moment, and she couldn’t help but smile at her friend. “And no matter where this crazy life takes us beyond today, we will always take this place with us. Because home isn’t just a place. It’s a feeling, it’s a light in the darkness. It’s hope. And so, to the Orynth High senior class, I say, as we forge new paths for ourselves, may we never forget home.” She cleared her throat and smiled widely. “Let’s hold onto the memories and camaraderie and picture-perfect moments, for they made us who we are. Congratulations… we did it!”

The whole class whooped and hollered and clapped wildly, none more so than Manon, who beamed up at her girlfriend from the front row.

And just like that, it was time.

Aelin held her breath as Principal Havillard took the podium and started calling out their names. Her heart raced as her row stood, waiting to take the stage. Her nerves were momentarily squashed as Manon made a lewd gesture with her tongue between her fingers after accepting her diploma. She watched as Lysandra proudly plucked the degree and held it over her head. She knew her friend hadn’t been sure she’d be able to graduate, and it was a relief to hear her name.

Before she could process anything else, she was walking up the stairs and hearing her name being called out. “Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.”

She nearly tripped over her own feet at the chorus of shouting that came from the back of the chairs. She looked over at where Rhoe and Lorcan were shouting wildly and realized that they were accompanied by the entire fire squad. Aelin’s breath caught in her throat at the display of raucous hooting and hollering. These people who had known her since she was a child had come to cheer for her and see her graduate. She had not anticipated that at all. And she found herself completely overwhelmed.

Beside the squad, Maeve cheered, and on the other side of the chairs, down by the W’s, Chaol and Rowan stood and shouted with hands on either side of their mouths. A thrill of love and support rushed through her. She couldn’t believe how many people were here for her.

She grabbed the diploma from Principal Havillard’s hands and raised it into the air, causing the cheering to explode again. She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes, making a silly face in the direction of her family.

Elide’s words rang in her ears. Her family. The squad, her dad, Lorcan, Maeve, her friends, and of course, Rowan. That vast group was more support than most people got in their lifetime. She’d never forget that.

She made her way back to her seat, laughing as Dorian flipped off his father and then booked it away from him, cackling wildly. Always a troublemaker, that one. And finally, after what seemed like forever, it was Rowan’s turn.

“Rowan Eugene Whitethorn.”

Aelin shot up from her chair, screaming as loud as she could, and despite being many rows back, she could feel Rowan’s eyes lock with hers. His lopsided grin was just for her, and she felt a thrill of joy run up her spine at the look.

“I love you,” she mouthed to him, causing his grin to widen.

“And with that,” Principal Havillard concluded. “I give you the senior class. Congratulations, graduates!”

Aelin stood and joined in the cheering again, her voice starting to go hoarse with the efforts of her support. They did it.

. . .

“Congratulations, Fireheart,” Rhoe said, throwing his arms around Aelin. Despite the heat, she welcomed his embrace.

When he pulled back, she noticed a large bouquet of her favorite flowers in his hand. He held them out to her, the red and orange flowers flickering like a live fire beneath the late afternoon sun.

“Thanks, Dad,” she said, suddenly feeling emotional.

“I’m so proud of you,” he said, and she could tell that despite his dry cheeks, he’d been crying. “And I love you so much.”

She hugged him again, pulling him tight and not letting go for a long while. After they parted, Aelin was passed around for hugs to the entire squad, each one of them telling her a story of something she did when she was a small girl hanging out at the station, imbuing her with joyful memories.

Then it was Maeve’s turn, who didn’t hold back her tears at all. Fat blobs rolled down her face, and she didn’t both to move them away, seeing as they were coming in a steady stream.

“Oh, hon, I’m so proud of you,” she said as she practically squeezed the life out of Aelin. She was grateful she’d unzipped her graduation robe, otherwise she was sure she would have passed out from heat stroke by now.

“And what about me?” Rowan low voice interjected. Maeve burst into a fresh round of sobs as she pulled him close.

She blubbered into his shoulder about how proud she was of him, of both of them, of all their achievements and how grown up they were, and Aelin could feel her heart expanding. It felt like she was going to burst wide open.

By the time everyone had said their piece, the field had mostly emptied out. Aelin heard a soft ripple of groans as a few of the firefighters took out their pagers.

“Fire?” Aelin asked as she peeled the sweaty gown from her shoulders.

Rhoe shook his head. “Worse. Graduation pranks abound, apparently.”

Aelin laughed, understanding that her dad was probably in for a long night of nonsense work.

“So I shouldn’t expect you at Lysandra’s?”

Rhoe shook his head. “You don’t want your old man crashing anyway.” He narrowed his eyes at her, as if he was blinking back more tears and sniffed loudly. “Have fun. You deserve it.”

“I will,” Aelin said, hugging her dad one more time. As he left her with a wave, she looked around for Rowan, who was standing just a few feet away, talking with Maeve. She took a deep breath and lifted her chin.

“Hey, you” he said, offering his arm out to her with a wide smile. She leaned into his side and took a deep breath, letting her happiness flow through her.

A flash went off in their face, and Aelin knew that whatever moment Maeve had just captured that she’d be framing it.

“You ready?” she asked, and his smile widened.

“You headed to Lysandra’s?” Maeve asked, completely unaware of the real conversation happening between the two of them.

Rowan nodded. “Do you want to meet us there?” he asked Maeve, but she shook her head and waved them off. Apparently she had a big night of dinner service ahead of her, but she sent them off with a joint hug and another tearful smile.

And just like that, it was time.

. . .

In the days, months, and years that followed, whenever Aelin was asked about her wedding, she would say that it went by so quickly that she couldn’t remember it, and that was mostly true.

From the time the pair entered city hall to when they exited, a total of maybe ten minutes had passed. There was no aisle to walk down, no verbose exchanging of vows, no romantic readings or passages, but it was perfect nonetheless.

Aelin clasped her bouquet of kingsflames in one hand and Rowan’s hand in another, letting her skirt swish as she swayed back and forth. She had no idea what words the city official said. All she remembered was the brightness in Rowan’s eyes as they stared down at her and the way he kissed her when they’d been pronounced husband and wife.

As they made their way back to his car, Aelin was giddy. They rolled the windows down, letting the cooler air whip through the jeep, a wild giggle bubbling up in her throat and fizzing like champagne with each second that passed. Delicious and lightheaded inducing.

They had done it. They’d actually gotten married.

She looked over at Rowan, who was already staring back at her, a soft dreamy smile on his face. She couldn’t help but grin wider at him, laughing again as his smile pressed against hers. She loved when they kissed like this – a smashing of two smiles that wasn’t quite a kiss at all.

The stress that they’d felt over the last however many weeks, months, years, wasn’t present at all in his posture. She glanced down at his hands poised on the steering wheel, his fingers curling around the black leather in a loose grasp and tapping along to some silent tune in his head. The late afternoon sun filtered through the window casting him in a glow that made him look like a bronzed god, and Aelin sighed happily. This man was all hers. Forever.

FOREVER.

She’d always known their lives would be intertwined, but to actually make it official was something else. The light turned green and the car lurched forward as he pressed on the gas and began driving again. But the adrenaline surging through her was too much. She couldn’t just sit in this passenger seat, she needed to do something.

“Pull over,” she said, eyes flashing at their surroundings.

“Huh?” Rowan’s head whipped toward hers, confused.

“Pull over!” she said again, louder this time. Verging on panic.

Rowan’s relaxed posture immediately reversed, the thick corded muscles of his shoulders and neck tensing as he looked for a spot to pull over.

“There!” she said, her pulse racing wildly.

Up ahead was the empty parking lot of the library. Though it was usually sparse there, there was not a car in sight, and Rowan wasted no time swerving into the lot and putting his hands on Aelin’s shoulders, examining her up and down.

“Are you okay?” he asked, green eyes taking in every detail of her body as if searching for a gaping wound or sudden injury.

“I’m perfect,” she replied. And she was. She was elated. Running on adrenaline and joy.

To calm her suddenly worried boyfriend — no, husband — down, she placed her hands on both his cheeks and kissed his mouth in a soft, sweet kiss.

“Keep the car running,” she said, picking up Rowan’s phone where it was plugged into the car and adding a song to his Spotify queue.

“What are you doing, Ace?” Rowan sighed, exasperated with her antics. Panic was nowhere to be seen anymore in his posture, only annoyance. Which only made her smile wider. As the first notes of the song came onto the stereo, she cranked up the volume and hopped out of the car. She smiled up at the sky, swaying to the beat, basking in the first signs of sunset and pink tinged clouds overhead.

To his credit, Rowan didn’t ask any more questions. He simply followed her lead and exited the jeep.

“Husband,” Aelin said, offering out her hand. “May I have this dance?”

Rowan’s returning smile was so large she thought it might crack his whole face. Gods, he was gorgeous.

He pulled her close, swaying with her as their song played. “I can’t believe our first dance is to Dancing In The Moonlight,” he chuckled.

“We wouldn’t be us if it weren’t,” she said, leaning into his chest as his arms circled her waist and pulled her close.

And though the song was upbeat, they stayed embraced and tangled up in each other, slowly swaying, chest to chest, hearts beating in rapid tandem with the beat of the song. They were so wrapped up in each other that Aelin barely noticed the sun disappearing behind an ominously dark cloud until a large raindrop plopped onto her nose.

And another.

She thought they would run back into the car and seek shelter, but neither of them made a move. In fact, the rain just seemed to invigorate them. Rowan stared up at the sky and laughed, Aelin following right after him. He lifted his hand and spun her in a circle, both of them laughing with reckless abandon as Aelin’s skirt flared out around them. He spun her again and this time ended his flourish with a dip, kissing her deeply.

Time seemed to cease to exist as they danced. Under the raining sky they became a mess of water-drenched spinning, laughing, kissing, and singing.

The skies continued to pour, until they were both soaked through. But as the last notes of the song played, their little magic bubble disappeared.

Aelin looked at Rowan and then back at her white dress, which was now dripping.

“Omg I look like a drowned rat!” she shouted through the rain.

Rowan laughed, pulling her back into the jeep and grabbing a towel from his back seat to dry his own hair off before sliding into the driver’s seat.

“But a very cute rat,” he said, causing them both to burst into laughter once again as they took off toward their graduation party.

By the time they arrived at Lysandra’s, they were still water-logged, giggling messes. Lys gasped at their disheveled appearance, eyeing them up and down with a wary eye.

“Ummm, no,” she said.

“No?” Aelin laughed, feeling drunk on endorphins.

Lysandra’s wary eye morphed into a blinding smile at the pair of them. “Get out of here and go celebrate on your own,” she laughed. “And congratulations,” she whispered.

“For graduating…?” Aelin asked, and Lysandra couldn’t help but snort loudly.

“Babe, you’re wearing a white dress and a shit-eating grin.” She paused. “I’m happy for you.”

She embraced the pair of them. “Now get out of here before anyone sees you.”

Aelin and Rowan didn’t need any more prompting. Apparently they were not subtle enough to pull off seeing other people right now.

“Where to?” Aelin asked Rowan as they slid back into the car.

Rowan smiled back at her. “Anywhere we want.”

“Let’s go,” she said.

And with that, they hit the road. Overwhelmed from the day, Aelin promptly fell asleep in the passenger seat, letting the feel of the car lull her into a dreamless sleep.

. . .

“Aceeee,” Rowan whispered, pulling her from her slumber. It was completely dark outside and the pair were stopped at a gas station slash motel. “You gotta get out of the car and then you can go right back to sleep,” he said softly.

“I’m awake,” she mumbled through a wide yawn. “Where are we?”

Rowan chuckled as she practically poured out of the car into his arms. She hadn’t realized how exhausted she truly was until after they’d checked into the motel, which was surprisingly not seedy, and she was sitting back on the bed. Her dress wasn’t wet anymore, but it certainly wasn’t going to be comfortable to sleep in. She wished they’d thought to prepare better for this sudden excursion. Of course, Rowan had.

“I picked up some essentials at a rest stop,” Rowan said, as if reading her mind. He pulled out an oversized tee that read “Geck Yo Act Together,” with a large picture of a gecko on it and tossed it to her, along with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a little thing of mouthwash. He also pulled out giant sandwiches and chips and bottles of water and a Terrasen mountains tee for himself.

“Smart,” Aelin laughed, realizing the last time she ate was her (albeit giant) brunch, hours ago. “Is that where we are?” she asked, realizing she had no idea where they were.

“No,” he said, grinning softly. “I thought maybe we’d drive south. Explore for a while.”

“Is this our honeymoon?” Aelin laughed, looking around the small, dingy motel room. It wasn’t exactly what she’d imagined, but she also had never imagined getting married at eighteen.

“You told me you wanted to find the continent’s best chocolate piece of cake,” he said, and she couldn’t help but bark out a loud laugh.

“That could take weeks!”

“You got somewhere to be?” he asked, brow raised. And she loved the way his smile promised devious, devious things. And suddenly, she wasn’t so tired anymore.

“I also got one more thing,” he said. She watched as he pulled a thick gold band out of his pocket, and she suddenly couldn’t breathe. He sat on the bed beside her and slid it onto her finger and her heart nearly stopped as he pulled another to slide onto his own. They were practically matching, except while a red stone sat in the middle of her ring, a dark green one that matched the shade of his eyes sat on his.

“Oh,” she said, her throat feeling remarkably dry. She tried to swallow, but it was too rough. A lump in her throat that wouldn’t abate. She tried again as she stared at the ring on her finger, her heart pounding as the red stone flickered in the dim motel room lighting. Why couldn’t she swallow?

“It’s just temporary,” Rowan rushed out, mistaking her silence as dislike. “The rest stop had a pawn shop, and I just knew we needed them, but they’re just for now…”

She cut him off with a swift and forceful kiss. “They’re perfect.”

“Hey, where’s my phone?” she asked. “I need to take a picture of this immediately.”

“I plugged it in,” he said, pointing to where he’d already set up a little charging station.

She picked it up, intending to take a picture of her ring, but an alert from literal hours ago disrupted that. She couldn’t believe it. An email in her inbox that read: Wendlyn University Admissions Update. Oh gods.

Without another word, she clicked into the email, heart pounding. Her eyes skimmed quickly, hoping to get the band-aid ripped off quickly, but she paused on the word CONGRATULATIONS.

“Oh my god. OH MY GOD!” she screamed, throwing the phone at Rowan. He picked up the phone and smiled widely, whooping and wrapping her into a bear hug so tight she couldn’t breathe.

“You did it,” he mumbled through kisses. “I knew you were going to do it.”

Unable to control themselves, their kisses increased, heating up wildly until his kisses seared through her, worshipping each inch of her skin. She was breathing hard as he peeled her out of her dress and pushed her onto the bed and continued to whisper adorations and plans of their future. How proud of her he was, and how he was never going to let her forget it. She shivered as he let his mouth skimmed against her, and she promised in that moment to never take him or his love for granted. This is why she didn’t need handwritten wedding vows — because they vowed to each other all the time with a simple kiss. And more than kisses. They brought each other to orgasm again and again, until they were both sweaty and spent and shaking with pleasure. They both poured every ounce of joy and relief into their intertwining bodies, finding their own perfect rhythm, until long after they should have gone to sleep. But neither wanted this magical day to end.

He was twirling the ring around her finger when Aelin remembered that she hadn’t taken a picture of it yet. She reached for her phone and started at a text from her dad, which just said: Checking in.

“Oh my god,” Aelin said again, bolting upright.

But Rowan just chuckled sleepily, reaching out with one of his hands to squeeze her bare backside. “Yeah, baby. Oh my god. You’re incredible.”

“NO, ROWAN,” she said smacking his shoulder. “What were we thinking? We got married! And then left home without telling anyone?” She actually couldn’t believe she had done that. What was she supposed to write back to her dad? “Rhoe is going to KILL ME,” she said, finally realizing what had occurred over the last twelve hours. “No, wait. He’s going to kill YOU! He’s going to arrest you for kidnapping his only daughter!”

At that Rowan really did laugh and pulled her back down into his embrace. “Ace, are you serious?” his laughter poured over her, silky smooth. “You think I would marry you and take you out of state without explicitly asking your father for permission and telling him our plans?”

Aelin’s eyes widened as she looked at Rowan with serious eyes. “He knew?”

Rowan kissed her shoulder and mumbled a soft, “Go to sleep. I’ll tell you everything in the morning.”

She paused. “You made a plan, but didn’t think to pack a bag for me?”

He chuckled again, pulling her tighter against his side. “I did pack a bag for you,” he said. ”I just forgot toothpaste and a nightshirt,” he said, his lips loosening as sleep threatened to take him over. “You didn’t need it, though.” And with that, he was asleep.

“I love you, too,” she replied, pushing his hair from his eyes and loving the way he smiled at her touch, even asleep. Unable to help herself, she laced her fingers through his and snapped a quick pic of their intertwined hands before sending it off to her dad. As she rested the phone down and closed her eyes, she felt ready for the next chapter. Except, it wasn’t really a chapter, she guessed. It was the rest of her life. A new book she was writing. She didn’t know what it would entail, but she knew that she couldn’t wait.

THE END

#idwtw au #tog fanfic #charincharge writes #throne of glass fanfic #rowaelin #rowaelin fanfic #rowan x aelin #throne of glass #that's all she wrote #epilogue still to come #sorry i'm posting this at 11pm on a random saturday but this is what we're doing

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leiawritesstories · 1 year

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hiiii you might be busy with rowaelin month but can i ask for you to bring fedreick out ang give me a really angsty one shot about how rowan dies but aelin needs a heir for tesseran and she basically has to have a heir with a important lord or something but after they have sex he tries to stay and aelin just kicks him out and cries

and the maybe after if your feeling nice you could be fredick away and give me a rowaelin baby being born one shot?????

(Frederick speaking) oh i would love to do this mwahahaha

(Leia speaking) i modified the prompt a little because it genuinely hurt my soul but i hope you like it

word count: 4k (oopsies)

CW: references to death and illness, crying, pain, angsty angst, medical talk, doctors, Frederick's work ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin had known this day, this meeting, was coming, but it didn't stop her splintered heart from breaking into a thousand more pieces the moment she walked in the door.

Following the usual opening remarks, she motioned to Lord Darrow, and he stood, offered her a hint of a pained smile, and pronounced the words she knew were going to come. "Your Majesty, there remains the matter of an heir." He cleared his throat, stifling the faint tremor his voice had carried. "As you remember, it was the final clause of the succession."

Aelin laced her fingers tightly together beneath the table and nodded once, a bare dip of her chin. "I am aware of the terms of the royal succession, my lord." When she had come of age four years ago and been crowned Queen of Terrasen, she had been fully aware of the terms of her great-uncle Orlon's will. For her to keep the throne, she had to be married and have a child within the first five years of her queenship, else she would be subject to a council vote on whether or not to keep the throne in the Galathynius line.

It was a horrifically outdated custom for the twenty-first century, but here they all were.

Darrow paced a slow line back and forth across the front of the council chamber. "We understand that His Majesty's...untimely passing...was a great tragedy." The words shot spears through Aelin's fractured heart. "Because of this, we are willing to extend the term to six years. However, Your Majesty, with all due respect, if you are not with child by the time your sixth year has elapsed, we are afraid we shall have to call for a vote."

Tears prickled at Aelin's eyes, but she forced them away. "I thank you for your generosity," she murmured, unable to speak any louder lest she burst into sobs in the middle of a meeting. "My husband..." She took a deep breath, compressing the painfully beautiful memories of Rowan back into the ironclad box where they belonged. "Losing my husband has been the hardest part of my queenship, even the hardest part of my life."

"We understand." Genuine empathy rippled across the lines of Darrow's aged face.

"But there is still the matter of the will," Aelin finished. "I understand." Softly, she cleared her throat. "What is your suggestion, council?"

Darrow motioned at Lady Alister, who passed him a small sheet of paper. "With your permission, Majesty, we have prepared a short list of, ah, acceptable father candidates." He spoke the words with discomfort--the will had stipulated that the father must have noble or royal heritage, yet another horribly outdated custom. "Thanks to modern medicine, you have the option to conceive via IVF, but if you would prefer the, ah, traditional--"

"Show me the list." Aelin wiped all emotion from her voice and held out her hand. With a brief nod, Darrow passed her the short list, and she glanced over the handful of noble names. "Are you all not aware that Dorian is happily married?"

Lady Alister cleared her throat, a little nervously. "The King of Adarlan...he, well, he volunteered."

"Of course," Aelin sighed. She crossed his name off the list. "You may thank him for his willingness, but I shall have to turn down his offer." She turned back to Darrow. "What are your suggestions for this process?"

"Each of the men listed there has agreed to the terms of this...ah, arrangement, so if you'd like, you may either go the traditional way of dating or we can arrange a meeting with the doctors."

It wasn't even a decision. "Please schedule me a doctor's appointment. The sooner, the better." Clinging to her last shreds of composure, Aelin stood. "Will there be anything else?"

"That is all, Your Majesty." Darrow and the rest of the council stood and bowed as Aelin left the room.

In the darkness of the wee hours of the night, Aelin jerked awake with a shuddering gasp. Tears spilled from her eyes as she instinctively reached across the bed to find Rowan's half empty, the sheets and pillows cold to her touch. The dream had been so vivid, she'd almost believed she'd wake up and find him smiling sleepily at her.

"I--gods, Fireheart!" Rowan's yelp pierced Aelin's ears. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Live a little, buzzard!" she yelled back, laughing giddily at the exhilarating rush of wind blowing past as she urged her motorbike faster along the track. She tipped her helmet-protected head back and whooped, the bright sound bouncing off the walls of the canyon.

With a rumbling whoosh of engines, Rowan pulled his motorbike up alongside hers and flicked up the visor of his helmet so he could roll his eyes at her. "I swear, Ae, you're going to make my heart stop one of these days."

"I'll settle for making your brain blank out," she smirked, snickering at the way her husband's throat bobbed thickly. "But that's after I win!" She floored the gas, and her bike leaped forwards, outpacing Rowan in seconds.

He charged up behind her, following her as closely as he dared without risking running his bike into hers in the confines of the narrow canyon road. "Don't be so sure of that, love!"

She just laughed and coaxed more speed out of the motorbike, leading them out of the twisting curves into the final, flat stretch of track, where she could see the handful of staff waiting at the bright green finish line. She knew at least a few of them were rolling their eyes at the wild antics of their queen and king, but what could she say? It was her once-a-month free day.

"Fifteen seconds!" she shouted over her shoulder, pushing for one last burst of speed. She flew through the finish line half a second ahead of Rowan, slowed down, and eventually turned around and made her way back, slowly.

Rowan was waiting at the finish line, looking absolutely delicious in his tightly fitted jeans, boots, and black leather jacket, helmet tucked under his arm, his pale hair a windblown mess. "Congratulations, love," he murmured, shooting her one of those smirks that made her core turn to jelly.

"Thank you," she purred, dismounting from the bike and taking off her own helmet and gloves. Her hair was braided tightly around her head, but some strands had worked their way loose and brushed against her sweaty neck.

"Let me." Handing off both his and her helmets, Rowan tucked the loose strands behind Aelin's ear. "Better?"

"Much better." She rose onto her tiptoes, grabbed the collar of his jacket, and yanked him down for a kiss, not giving a shit who saw. Her kingdom was used to the affection she shared with her husband. "Want to give me my prize now?"

"In front of poor Lord Darrow?" he teased in a low, raspy whisper. "I didn't know you were that exhibitionist, Ae."

"You naughty boy." She playfully swatted his shoulder and led him into the car. "When we get home."

He hummed in agreement but still spent most of the drive back to the castle with her in his lap, brushing teasing little kisses to the sensitive skin of her throat. She barely made it through the private entrance and into the elevator before she jumped on him, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and crashing her lips into his.

The elevator stopped with a ding and she stumbled out with flushed cheeks and swollen lips, hand in hand with her husband, and all but sprinted into their bedroom. He kicked the door closed and hoisted her back into his arms, burying his fingers in her hair, and kissed her deeply, his tongue stroking perfectly against hers.

With a low moan, he broke the kiss, pulling away to rest his tattooed hand against her face. "I love you so much, Fireheart." Instead of burning, desperate need, there was quiet tenderness in his voice.

Aelin wrapped her hands around Rowan's wrist and pressed her forehead to his, tears springing to her eyes. "I love you more," she breathed. "Rowan--"

"So much," he repeated, holding her watery gaze with the emerald depths of his eyes. "To whatever end."

"Don't say that," she choked out, placing her hands flat against his cheekbones. "Godsdammit, Ro, it wasn't supposed to go like this!"

"I know." He pressed her close against his chest, and she inhaled the scent of winter breezes and pine forests, the scent of him. "From now until the darkness finds us, yeah?"

She traced the ink flowing down the side of his face with trembling fingers. "Don't you dare."

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she murmured thickly. "To whatever end, my love." He kissed her forehead, a tender brush of his soft lips, and his figure dissolved into mist in her arms.

And she jerked awake in the still, empty silence of her bedroom, tears pouring silently down her cheeks. If the godsdamned illness that had yanked her husband from her arms were a tangible thing, she'd be figuring out the best way to murder it. But even she couldn't make an illness vanish, so she just wrapped her arms around Rowan's pillow, buried her face in the scent of him that still clung to the cotton, and drifted back to sleep with her heart bleeding once again.

"Your Majesty." The doctor stood and bowed from her waist as Aelin walked into her office.

"Please, there's no need for all of that." Aelin dropped into the comfortable ivory leather wingback chair opposite the doctor. "I'm here for...I assume you know why I'm here."

"Indeed." The doctor settled into her seat and laid a file folder of notes on the desk. "My name is Dr. Yrene Towers, and I've been working in the women's health field for eleven years." She glanced at Aelin's charts. "So you're here to consult about IVF?"

"I am." Aelin laid her hands flat on the expensive mahogany desk to stop them from trembling. "There's no need to go into the reasons why, unless you're required to ask."

"That's not a requirement, no." Dr. Towers pulled a few pages out from the file and picked up a pen. "We need to discuss your medical history, your fertility and cycle history, and the actual IVF process." She cleared her throat. "Your--ah, Aelin, when was your last menstrual period?"

Aelin pulled out her phone and opened her period tracker app. "April 6th to 11th."

Dr. Towers noted down the dates. "That was nearly three months ago."

"I have a history of infrequent cycles," Aelin explained. "It's nothing new for me to go two, three, or even four months without a period."

"I see." The doctor scribbled down a few notes. "As part of the preliminary material, I am required to ask if you were trying to conceive, and for how long you've been trying." Her warm brown eyes met Aelin's, and she offered a soft, sympathetic smile. "It's alright if you need some time to answer."

Aelin closed her eyes. Yes, she and Rowan had been trying, without success, to conceive. For months, if not a year. Every month that passed without any signs, every negative test, every tear she'd shed over her body's refusal to cooperate--every memory cut deeper with Rowan...gone. "Yes." She bit her lower lip. "We were...trying."

Dr. Towers nodded. "Do you remember how long?" she asked, gently.

"A little over a year," Aelin murmured. "Since last winter."

The doctor made a small noise of agreement. "Alright. Well, the next step in our consultation is for you to take a pregnancy test, simply to confirm that you aren't pregnant so we can proceed with IVF medication and treatment." Aelin nodded. Dr. Towers gestured to a door near the back of her office. "There's a private bathroom back there where you can take the test, it's all set up."

"Thank you." Quietly, Aelin rose and walked into the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind herself, and found a digital pregnancy test and a small glass cup on the counter. With practiced motions, she took the test, capped it, and washed her hands as she waited for the small plastic stick to load its results. She exited the bathroom with the test still undeveloped and passed it to the doctor. "I...I don't think I can look at it," she admitted.

Dr. Towers laid the test in front of her notes. "That's alright," she said, reassuring the queen. "I'll watch it for you, and--oh!" Her gaze snapped to the test, dark eyes widening in shock.

Aelin's brows scrunched together. "Is everything alright, Doctor?"

"I...you..." Dr. Towers cleared her throat. "Your Majesty," she whispered, sliding the test across the desk, "it's positive."

Pregnant, declared the little gray screen. 3+.

Aelin's heart leapt into her throat. "Are...no, no, that can't be right." She refused to let the bright flash of hope get ahold of her tumultuous emotions. "Can you confirm that, Doctor?"

Dr. Towers nodded. "I can order a urine and a blood test, if that's what you would want."

"Yes." Aelin's response was whip-quick. "Yes, I want that."

"Alright, just a few minutes here." Dr. Towers opened her laptop and typed away for a few minutes. "Okay, Aelin. If you'll come with me, I'll get you to an exam room, and we can get those tests started."

Wordlessly, Aelin collected her small purse and followed Dr. Towers out of her office and down a wood-paneled, softly lit hallway into the clinic and down a pastel yellow hallway to a tidy exam room. "Thank you," she murmured as the doctor led her into the room."

"Of course." Dr. Towers patted Aelin's shoulder kindly. "I'll send in a nurse with the equipment in a minute or two."

Aelin sat down on the paper-covered bed and twisted her wedding ring around her left ring finger. She hadn't removed it--she flatly refused to remove it. No matter what anyone else tried to say, she had sworn vows to one man and one man alone, and she would keep the ring of those vows on her finger until the day she joined her husband in the afterlife.

There was a polite double knock on the door and a young female nurse in bright blue scrubs entered the exam room. "Hi," she said in a quivering, small voice. Her big blue eyes were huge with awe and a little bit of fear.

"Hi," Aelin murmured, cracking a soft smile at the young nurse's trepidation. "There's no need to be afraid, Miss...I'm sorry, I can't read your nametag from over here."

"N-no problem, Your Majesty." The nurse scurried over towards Aelin. "I'm Evangeline, Your Majesty."

"Lovely to meet you, Evangeline, and please, just call me Aelin. Right now, I'm just another one of your patients, okay?"

"O-o-okay." Evangeline agreed. She flashed a bright smile and snapped on a pair of blue latex gloves. "So, Dr. Towers ordered a blood test and a urine sample to confirm or reject pregnancy, yes?" She seemed so much more confident when she was speaking about the medical orders.

"That's right." Aelin twisted her wedding ring around her finger, her thumb rubbing against the square emerald. "I took a digital test and I don't believe that it's positive."

"Mhmm, that's pretty typical," Evangeline agreed. "I have to ask--is it alright for me to draw your blood?"

"Yes." Aelin laid her arm on the padded armrest and made a fist at the young nurse's directions. Swiftly, Evangeline found a vein and took a small blood sample, then placed a gauze pad and a bandage over the draw site. "That wasn't so bad."

Evangeline chuckled. "It's a lot different than injections, for sure." She labeled the small vial, took off her gloves, washed up, and handed Aelin a small plastic cup. "There's a bathroom just outside this room. In that bathroom, there's a sample collection door. Go ahead and do the urine sample, and place the cup in the collection door when you're done. You can come back here when you're finished, and I'll walk you back to Dr. Towers's office."

"Thank you." Aelin smiled at the young nurse. "Not that I know anything about nursing, but you're a wonderful nurse." She headed into the bathroom, took care of the sample, and let Evangeline lead her back to Dr. Towers's office when she was done.

Dr. Towers let her in. "It might be a couple of hours before your results come back in, just so you know."

Aelin sighed. "That's okay. Do you need me to leave? I can go home if you need me to go."

"No need," Dr. Towers interjected. "You're welcome to stay here while you wait. I do have patients to see, but you're welcome to stay in my office."

Gratefully, Aelin settled into the comfortable armchair, tucked her head to the side, and was asleep before she knew it. Some time later, she was gently awakened by the doctor's soft voice and gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Aelin? It's Dr. Towers. How was your nap."

"Too good," Aelin mumbled, slowly coming to coherence. She blinked, rubbing her eyes. "How long was I out?"

"A little more than two hours." Dr. Towers sat down at her desk and placed a few papers on top of the smooth wood. "Long enough for your labs to come back." She met Aelin's eyes, her gaze steady and professional. "Aelin, both the blood and urine tests came back positive. You're pregnant."

You're pregnant.

"Alone."

Dr. Towers blinked. "Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant alone," Aelin whispered, tears clouding her eyes as she processed the news. "I'm pregnant, and he--my--Rowan." The last word was a choked sob. "And Rowan will never know our child," she croaked, dissolving into muffled sobs.

The doctor slid her a stack of tissues and laid her soft brown hands atop Aelin's trembling ones. "I know it's a hell of a lot to take in."

Aelin sniffled. "Should my doctor really be swearing?"

"Fits the situation." Dr. Towers squeezed Aelin's hands. "Aelin, I'm legally required to ask this next question: do you want this pregnancy?"

"Yes," Aelin breathed. "I don't fully believe it yet, but yes. Absolutely."

"Wonderful." Dr. Towers beamed. "I'm going to refer you to an imaging clinic for an ultrasound, okay? We'll want to schedule that as soon as possible to find out how far along you are."

"Okay." Aelin's voice was small and unsteady. "Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"Do I...how..." Aelin linked her fingers together, rooting herself in the feeling of her wedding ring pressing into he skin. "How am I supposed to go through this alone?" she whispered, anguish coating her question.

Dr. Towers's expression went soft, caring. "If you need professional assistance, I can refer you to one of my colleagues. If you're asking about a support system, let me remind you that you have your close circle of people to rely on. Let them help you, Aelin." She held the queen's shaky hands. "Let them help you."

Buzzard,

It's been seven and a half weeks. I still see you everywhere, in every little thing from my dreams to my nightmares. There will never be a part of me that doesn't miss you. Never.

I'm ten weeks and four days pregnant, Rowan. I just found out. Believe me, I'm as stunned as you probably are, wherever you are. It was...it wasn't what we were expecting, and I'm torn between the urge to scream at you for leaving me before we knew and the urge to imagine everything you'd be saying and doing right now. Yes, that's a tear on the page--gods burn me, I'm crying, I can't help it.

I don't know if I can do this alone, my love. I don't know how I'm going to bring our child into the world knowing that you won't be there to hold them. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next seven months without you fussing over every damn step I take. I miss you so fucking much.

I swear to you, my Rowan, my buzzard, that our child will grow up knowing how incredible you are and how much you love our little family, even from where you are.

To whatever end, my heart.

Aelin

Tears splashed onto the stationery as Aelin signed her name and tossed her pen to the side. She traced the letters of Rowan's name with trembling fingertips, breathing the syllables quietly, almost like a prayer. Reaching for a tissue, she blotted her eyes, then folded the note in half, pressed a kiss onto the paper, and placed it in the simple wooden box of letters she'd written to her husband every day since he passed. She held the box in her lap, idly running her fingers over the initials etched into the smooth, pale wood, closed her eyes, and let the tears drip silently down her cheeks.

Why did you leave me, buzzard?

Deep in her heart, she felt a faint stirring, a faraway echo of her husband's presence. I'm right here, Fireheart.

A muted sob hitched her chest. I need you. She flattened her free hand against her belly, atop the tiny baby growing inside of her. We need you.

I'm right here. It was no more than a whisper in her mind, a flicker of reassurance from a voice that would never speak again.

Aelin closed her eyes, searching for that faint echo, and drifted into sleep, her tumultuous emotions quieting as she slept. In her dream, she walked into the forest, her shoes near-silent atop the soft spring moss. She followed a familiar, well-worn path through the ancient oaks and pines until she came to a clearing beside a stream, an idyllic spot where she and Rowan often hid away for a night or two.

And there was Rowan, sitting beside the stream, his tan skin vibrant with health and his bright pine eyes alight with joy.

Stifling a sob, she sprinted across the clearing and threw herself into his strong, steady arms, burying her face into his solid, warm chest. "Rowan," she gasped, clinging to his dream body. "You--"

"I'm here now," he promised, quieting her questions with a kiss. "I'll always be here."

"I'm dreaming," Aelin whispered, her heart shivering with the knowledge.

"I know." Rowan trailed his fingers through her hair. "And I'm here, and you're here, and if you want this to be real for a little while, then it's real for a little while."

"I love you," she murmured.

He kissed her gently. "I love you too."

She wiped tears from her cheeks. "I'm pregnant, Rowan."

"We..." She guided his hand down onto her stomach, and he exhaled shakily, tears clouding his eyes. "We're having a baby?" She nodded. "I'd give anything to be with you, Ae."

"I know." His dream-form started to fade as she began to wake up, and she clung to his hands. "Every damn day, I need you here."

"I'm always here," he whispered. He kissed her forehead. "Right here." His thumb brushed over her heart. "Right here. To whatever end."

Seven Months Later

Utterly exhausted, Aelin lay back against the heap of pillows piled onto the bed and cradled her newborn daughter to her chest, gazing down into the tiny baby girl's big, sleepy green eyes. The bustle of the nurses and doctors in the room faded into background noise as she held her daughter, beaming and crying all at once.

"Hi, baby girl," she whispered, her voice a hesitant, croaky rasp. "I love you so much."

The baby wriggled a bit and curled closer into her mother's skin, as if she could sense Aelin's overpowering emotions.

"Majesty?" The nurse's voice broke into Aelin's little bubble. "So sorry to disturb you, Your Majesty, but have you chosen a name?"

"Yes," Aelin murmured, smiling brighter as her daughter's tiny fingers clutched her thumb. "Yes, I have." She kissed her baby's delicate little forehead. "Everyone, meet Princess Sana Whitethorn Galathynius." The name Rowan had chosen all those months ago.

And she was perfect. Half him, half her, completely perfect and completely loved, both from the earth and the afterlife.

~~~

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