#this is mostly me rambling about stuff in the world that annoys me

[system-of-a-feather]

A little secret I would like to suggest people is to unsubscribe to the white, western, capitalistic concept of identity and the demand to be a "unique person" and have "unique perspectives and experiences" and thus define yourself by specific words and concepts and hobbies and shit.

As a mixed person raised in a house where both individualism and collectivist culture, the white and western idea of identity is just so unproductive and unsustainable and is inherently tied in to benefit capitalism. You don't have to identify with specific terms and groups or be particularly passionate or good at anything to be you and have your identity. You don't need to be Martha the Geologist who sews as a hobby and whose favorite color is green and...

I feel a lot of people get caught up in "not knowing who they are" because they get so caught up in the minutia of trying to describe yourself when you just... literally don't need to. You don't have to stand out to be you. You don't have to offer anything to the table to be you. You don't have to be consistent or limited to a box or any of that shit to be you.

What defines you and "your identity" is the fact that you fucking exist, that you've been living, and that you are a person who does things and wants things. You don't need to specify what things you do, or what things you want, or what your history has been to "have an identity" you have that inherently just by being here.

Identity doesn't have to be that complex and I just really pity / have concern for a lot of people who scramble for labels to define who they are because honestly its really largely western individualism that is driving that need which inherently is capitalist bullshit and having a defined identity like that is so stifling to both growth and just being secure with your sense of self because contrary to what might be pushed, people are ever changing and defining yourself by limited boxes is just... not gonna work.

Like honestly, you can identify with the specific things, that isn't wrong and honestly its a lot of fun to "identify" with things, but that doesn't have to be the foundation of who you are. I identify with a lot of things I enjoy, but like.... at the core the foundation of who "I am" is literally just me.

I am me. My identity is that I exist in the way that I do and the way that I exist is ever changing and thats completely ok because in the end of the day my identity is never leaving until I fucking die. It's largely why in this system I have literally zero concern about "disappearing" or being engulfed through fusion because my man, my existence is not going anywhere. It might change form, but my sense of identity is not threatened by my parts having different values from me or said values "mixing" with my own because those values are not - at the core - the definition of who I am.

But anyways. I was rambling about this in the back cause I don't shut the fuck up. I just really dislike the inherent inefficiency, over complicated, and unsustainability that individualism has on shit and how it literally perpetuates and fuels capitalistic ideals.

Bleh.

-XIV

[the-night-that-feeds-if]

Hey everyone, dunno how long this might be, kind of doing a stream of consciousness style ramble about TNTF and me and stuff :)

alright so, tntf is getting a huge rework, this is my first if game ever, the coding is a little overwhelming, i know it’s fairly simple but it’s A LOT.

the reason i’ve been pretty quiet is mostly due to burnout, as some of you know i have health issues, i have crohns disease, i’m also autistic with adhd—something i love about this community is the understanding and acceptance for people/authors like me who may want to write but are just too stuck to be able to do it.

i know everyone is so jazzed for the next update, and i am too, there’s a few changes i’m making in regards to the technical aspects of the story, i’m removing stats, for the MC and for relationships. part of it is… i’m not a numbers person, trying to balance out the stats going up and down is a pain when this is planned to be a pretty damn long story. i also just don’t like it for my story personally, i don’t want you, as the player to feel like you have to game-ify personality or relationships.

this also opens the option for me to write more player responses to situations without having all of that annoying code in my brain~ MORE FLAVOR!

My writing has also vastly improved when it comes to fiction, a lot because i have been practicing so much while i’ve been sick (i’ve been playing with and writing AI chatbots on Janitor.AI, learning how to create a complex and realistic personality, an engaging character and world.) It’s been useful as a stress reliever and as a tool to help me write better, more descriptive etc.

on that note, smut in my game is also a very yes, i feel much more comfortable writing it now… heh.

i’ve also decided that all of my books are going to remain free, tntf was a planned three book series, it may just be one or two HUGE books, we’re going to have to see what i, and twine are capable of. but the story is going to span four countries and two continents of the world, so yeah.

the new rewrite is also going to slow things down considerably, because now we’ll have MC on a ship for four months as the intro, then meeting maddock and spending <insert amount of time here> with him while traveling to that little inn. it also gives me more room to introduce the characters a lot earlier but in their own POVs and not just while they’re with MC. i want the world to feel alive.

my decision to make and keep tntf free is because i want to.

i would not appreciate minors interacting with my content, but i also grew up with the internet, i know that no matter how much prevention we put in, minors are going to access our content regardless if it’s free or not. i just ask that if you are a minor and reading adult fiction, please don’t comment, dm or whatever, this is for your safety in the community as well as, i don’t want to deal with other people’s children on the internet, it’s nothing against any of ya’ll, you’re awesome, children are great but i’m almost 26, i really don’t want to deal with kids in what’s pretty much an adult space (i haven’t really seen books catered to the younger than 18 crowd, but like i’m saying, i’m more interested in forging connections with the adult community here, considering i am one, lmao *bats children away with pool noodles*)

i think that’s it

i might post more stuff but that’s my general direction

also to the asks in my inbox from last year on my birthday and forward… I READ THEM ALL AND APPRECIATE EVERY WELL WISH AND FEEDBACK, GENUINELY. i’m just bad at social media.

[bugcatcherkit]

very curious about your thoughts on a tome teru ritsu shou friendship. you are one million percent correct but i am also extremely curious what you think her individual dynamics would be with everyone in the group, how she starts hanging out with them, and the general vibes of their private minecraft server

oh my god thank you hfhhehvhe i lovee having space to ramble about my interpretations !!!!!! I am trying so hard to make this short and coherent (I didn't sleep at all last night) so bear with me ok. This got long sooo ...

Tome and Teru bond first by virtue of being work besties turned regular friends. Well, work besties as in Teru hangs out there and helps out a lot but would never officially take the job. Anyway they get along great because they can match each other's weird and eccentric vibe while also having an underlying bit of Understanding between them due to the whole "tried to rationalize their isolation with specific escapist fantasies that indulged it instead of addressed it" thing. I think they help each other bridge whatever gap remains from their difficulties in connecting the supernatural/extraterrestrial/super-powered world and experiences with the regular/normal/ordinary world. like theyre a good balance for each other. Theyre both So Much that it kind of cancels out. I just like to think they help ground each other. This is very important for their enrichment.

Some of their enrichment activities include: Tome trying to get Teru to fucking Relax For Once by introducing him to video games like pokemon but it kind of backfires when he gets Way Too Into It (this is where minecraft comes in also). Making a super expansive OC world and continually referencing it to each other much to everyone else's confusion. Trying to cure their intense boredom by hanging out together but never really knowing what to do, so they're just bored together. Their text messages are mostly funny images they found, not actual conversations. Their solidarity with each other is almost unmatched. They have a warriors bond.

Anyway. ANYWAY. I think Tome is just kind of absorbed into the Teru-Ritsu-Shou friend group mostly because of Teru, and partly because sometimes, very occasionally, Shou will be at S&S because of Ritsu, who is usually there only as a favour. Ritsu and Teru do the exorcism stuff and Tome and Shou have to sort the filing cabinets for the 5 millionth time because Reigen is running out of things that Tome can do. Shou does not mind these tasks. I think Teru and Shou both like having little menial tasks to do whereas Tome doesn’t. For Ritsu is depends on the task and who it’s for a think. But ANYWAY. Anyway they just grow closer from there probably unless I think of something better.

I like to think of the Tome and Shou dynamic for similar reasons as the Teru-Tome dynamic (character comparison reasons). Shou craved normalcy and decided to chase it post-canon. Tome wanted the complete opposite. So I don't think they would exactly see eye-to-eye immediately (why would she want to give up that normalcy vs why would he want mundane normalcy). I think Shou might even find her View of Things a little bit annoying, mostly because I think he'd be high-strung post canon and she is just not helping that, as opposed to him actually disliking anything about her. But because they are both quite considerate of other people, they work through these things and become bros. He actually probably really appreciates her Severe Genuineness and (mostly) unwavering will regarding her passions/beliefs. She probably likes his appreciation for simple normalcy and relaxation because it hammers in again that doing stuff like that isn't a waste. They love doing so much Nothing together because they both like to take it easy. I think they would enjoy parallel playing.

When they hang out they have to stop EVERYTHING they're doing to watch an ant carry something 4x its size across the sidewalk because it is so exciting to them. Shou is in on the OC world by the way. Tome and Teru and Shou develop it like they're in the writers room of a high-budget TV show. He updates her on every little thing his hamsters do.

For some reason I found the Ritsu and Tome dynamic like the most difficult to think about out of all of them. They're probably the least close? Ritsu treats Tome as Mob's friend in the same way that Mob treats Shou as Ritsu's friend -- with immense care and consideration, but not a lot of close contact outside of a group. He tries to be sooo polite with her but she Does Not match his energy. So after a certain point Ritsu just kind of gives it up. Then they start annoying the shit out of each other. I do think that Ritsu looks up to Tome based on what he knew about her in middle school and how he knows her post-canon. Because she never conformed to people’s expectations in the way that he did, and she is committed to a Fun and Meaningful Existence in similar ways that he wants to be. My ideal dynamic is a Ritsu who gets Weirder and a bit more childish around her, because he deserves it I think. I know I said they wouldn't be close but this is how they can bond more.

I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO THEIR MINECRAFT SERVER YET. Tome and Teru are the powerhouses of the server because they are so cracked at the game. the only difference is Teru takes it so damn seriously and Tome actually likes fucking around. She's putting herobrine portals around and convincing Ritsu he's on the server. Teru is doing it all he's farming he's mining he's building elaborate builds he's setting up economies because probably has the most consistent resource supply. Where's that post where it describes him and Ritsu as "they keep making more elaborate redstone powered industrial farms" I swear I saw something like that. That is them.

I wouldn't say Shou sucks at survival mode but he probably isn't terribly good at it either. He seems like a "load in a flat world and build stupid things and spawn in the max number of mobs allowed in any given range." He's always asking people for stuff because he keeps dying and losing his. Or he gets lost frequently. He's followed by at least 7 tamed wolves at a time and every time he loses one he makes everybody stop whatever they're doing to come to the funeral he puts.

The only thing stopping Ritsu from basically speedrunning the game is the fact that he is scared of the cave noises/the monsters/the nether. Also him and Mob have to share an account so sometimes he'll load in with nothing because Mob got them killed last time he was on. Tome and Teru both suck at bringing beds with them when they go out on in-game days long adventures and everyone else is soo mad at them. Is this too elaborate. I could probably go on I just haven't played minecraft in a while.

[ragnarokhound]

puts this on your list of things to do

Skcnwksks *adds another stone atop the mountain, and the world sinks another inch closer to hell

But okay fr. I actually read Knight Terrors: Robin today, and with the enormous grain of salt that I am working mostly with fandom osmosis, esp re: their established relationship, I think they alllllmost wrote something that worked. Almost. Long rambling nitpicks under the cut:

I think if they had about three more pages they could have established Tim and Jason's relationship and their problems with working together a little better; and either cut Babs out as the middle man who introduced their individual issues to the audience, or used her more effectively as a mediator.

They very clearly wanted to showcase two problems: Tim is working himself to death trying to save everyone, and Jason is suffering by insisting on working alone. Good! I like this concept. It's annoying to me that Babs is the one who tries to reach out to both of them about these issues, gets rebuffed, and then is never heard from again. I'd much prefer it if they tried to talk to each other on their own and it went poorly at first, only to be forced to open up in the nightmare realm. It would tighten up their combined arc if they'd had one single conversation before the Inciting Incident occurs.

Like, don't get me wrong. I am waffling about this because Babs is a good entry voice to help introduce our primary actors. She is the person they have in common, and by having her be the voice in their ear, we see that other people in their support networks are worried about them.

But man, why not just have Tim monologue to himself about being ready to wrap up his third bust of the night and consider hitting up Jason to see if he needs help on the intergang drug bust he's in the middle of. It could be on Tim's way to the next place he's going, demonstrating that he's stretching himself thin and looking for even more to do; even with people like Jason who he isn't all that close with. And then Tim and Jason have their own snarky conversation (with some veiled flirting) about not needing each other's help or each other's nagging, and that's when the nightmare mist hits.

Because the story is only tangentially about people other than Jason and Tim. They're both too wrapped up in their own problems to notice other people reaching out to them about their fucked behavior. So Babs could have been used as a yardstick for each of them - Tim dismissed her fears at first, Jason hung up on her outright - but only if she comes back.

If Babs had also been there at the end to check in with them, yeah, it might have lessened the impact of Jason's plea for help and getting only Tim in response, but it would have been the indicator that they were now ready to hear the worries expressed by their loved ones. A very *clear* indicator of what has changed in the narrative that justifies Babs' involvement in the first place. You could have her come in right as Tim and Jason are catching up after the initial plea, having just escaped her own nightmare (*editors note: see Babs' knight terrors issue, lmao). She could groggily direct them to someone who needs help. All three of them are working together now, Tim and Jason are on their way to opening up to more people; huzzah

And hell. If you want to justify why Tim knows stuff about Jason he shouldn't - or why Jason might know something about Tim that he shouldn't for that matter - a little extra time spent together in the nightmare zone is great for that. Make them see each other's worst memories. Make them see each other's defining moments. Make it the twisted, terrible, self-directed-blame version of events that exists in their heads, and then they can separately call bullshit.

You literally put them into a shared mind palace!! Why did Tim know that about Sheila? Because he just saw it in Jason's head. How does Jason know Tim has a savior complex too big to shoulder? Same deal. IMO, this would have made their insistence that the other person is better than they think much more natural. It's not an empty sentiment because 'I've literally seen what you think of yourself and I am telling you that it isn't true'. (They're in a shared mindscape. Why not imply that they are seeing what the other is seeing too. That they're having a shared experience and are privy to each other's thoughts, emotions, and memories? Easy to do. "I feel like I'm walking to class in the 10th grade...but when I was that age, I was 6 feet under." "And I'm positive I'm picking up ammo for a gun I don't own. I think it's safe to say we're sharing a dream.")

I'm also ??? about why the nightmare zone let them talk at all?? Maybe that's something that we don't have time to explain/ it doesn't need explaining, but if I were a terrible nightmare creature and I was menacing two people at once, I simply wouldn't let them exist in the same space. Isolation is key to breaking someone's will. If you let them talk to each other they could help each other. Fool. Buffoon. Literally the only reason to let them talk to each other is if you think they'll make each other worse lmao.

There was a clever visual trick in which Jason hits the void barrier and Tim sees the ripples he makes - but iirc that is the closest we get to an explanation of how they might be breaking through to each other. And it happened after they were almost done with their second conversation. Too little, too late, IMO.

Arguments could be made that they were able to break through because they were approaching a hard limit. Jason hears Tim again when he yells at his double to shut up, when Jason himself is just about ready to throw in the towel. The moment of deepest despair, the realization for both of them that they're not cut out to solve the problem with their current method. Something something, breaking the pattern - but why let them, unless the nightmare can't do anything about it? I do like a monster with a secret weakness, so I'm willing to let it slide now that I've talked it out lol but still. It feels like an unearned conversation when the only convo they had before was mostly exposition.

Anyway. Tldr; if the writers had a few more pages and shown us Tim and Jason's conflict with each other rather than water it down via Babs (OR BROUGHT HER BACK TO TIE IT ALL UP WITH A BOW) it would have been a tighter & more interesting story.

[magnet-lattice]

(Lifesteal s5 spoilers for my understanding of The Players' plans, from catching incomplete sections of streams and osmosis. I do not think this is spoilers for any of them but I am not keeping up very well, so please correct me if I am wrong and I'll edit this. It's a little bit rambly, sorry.)

So, aside from the unrequited pitchflirting, my understanding of the Players' main finale plans are that they want to remove all of the buildings and restore the server or at least the main areas to looking the way they did at the start of the server, before anyone built anything. And this has some justification about like being a fresh start to the world, aside from the fact that it's a cool dramatic thing to do, but also!

It's really neat how the thing it does is specifically making the server look as though nobody ever played on it. Because the Players' whole thing, their primary conflict with primarily Jumper and Minute (I don't think they have a team name?) is that they're the only people willing to play heel, to do cool evil dramatic shit that other people can make content by fighting against, and almost everyone else (no offense intended to Squiddo or Wemmbu but they haven't been on much lately?) is either neutral, inactive, or insistently playing face?

And in the arguments between the players and Jumper and Minute, it has come up that the opposing side wants to end the server without conflict, and the Players' argument in favor of what they're doing is that it's interesting content which creates a reason for the other players to log on and participate. (This has consistently been their motivation since early in the Abyss arc)

And I think that in addition to the other justification, restoring the world to look untouched is a pretty powerful statement of "This is what you're advocating for the world to be: one where nobody ever logs on and does anything or fights or builds things that matter."

(In the interest of fairness, I know Minute was talking about like, getting people onto the server by having temporary mods during the sessions, and Branzy does have his carnival, and I do enjoy this content, but... at least to me, the fundamental strength of Lifesteal content qua Lifesteal (Minecraft's deadliest SMP), as a reason to be watching this rather than something else-- like a modded or survival series that happens to be made by the same people-- is the social effects of a bunch of people who are mostly tryhards in a competitive environment that encourages conflict and teaming and subterfuge and paranoia and big dramatic clickbaitable gestures?)

(I do in fact think it's fun and interesting when there are some people on Lifesteal who care about morality and want to do the nice thing! This is a fun source of conflict! I just... think it's more fun when that's not the majority of people who are logging on and doing anything, because then there's the risk of them uncomplicatedly winning, or successfully preventing or mitigating or discouraging the majority of the dramatic evil/annoying stuff, and then nothing happening? Lifesteal content is primarily about conflict. It's maybe a little more fun when the people involved have in-universe justifications that are not just "it's for content", painting the fourth wall with a thin veneer of "it's because it's cool and asserts our power" or some galaxybrained self-serving philosophical/metaphorical justification explaining why this supervillain stuff is the real moral thing to do, or whatever? But it's still fun as long as people are like, logging in and doing stuff and fighting or arguing with each other, and maybe having some big feelings? and at least one person is live or making videos so we can see what's happening)

[frenziedslashers]

I don't know if this is an odd request or not but Eugene x fem reader who's like Maggie's sister. And they get really close after they meet and it's super obvious that eugene is into the reader. And the night in 5x5 episode where GREATM is sleeping in the library eugene and reader are laying down next to the little fire they have going (eugene is laying on one side of it and reader is laying on the other side) and they are sitting and talking (mostly eugene rambling) and they end up sleeping together that night after everybody else goes to bed?

This sounds super fucking scattered and not that much detail but I hope you can do it. <3

Hold Me, Please;;

A/N: I spent a good hour trying to decode what "GREATM" meant before I realized it was "Glenn, Rosita, Eugene, Abraham, Tara, and Maggie". I am so sorry 😭🫶 but yeah I can do this! Not a big fan of Eugene, but he gives me an excuse to put nerdy stuff into fics LMAO Sorry if this isn't the best

Pairing: Eugene Porter x Fem!Reader (Maggies Sister)

Warnings: I was going to do smut but I got lazy sorry 😭🫶, making out, Maggie's Big Sister ModeTM Activates, Eugene is a fucking NERD, let me know if I need to add more!

TWD MASTERLIST || REQUEST INFO

It was just the two of you up besides Glenn who was taking watch at the window for the next couple of hours. Maggie and Tara were asleep on the other side of the bookshelf to the left of you. Abraham and Rosita were asleep on the other side of the shelves to the right.

"Do they always fuck that loud?" You blurted, and Eugene could feel his face heating up. Not only did he just realize how intently he was staring at your face while you laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling, but you had also asked him a quite bizarre question. Maybe that's what he liked about you. How ruthless and random you were. He liked that you seemed to have zero shame when it came to asking about people you hardly knew. He wondered if you had always been that way, or if the hardness of the world had changed your personality.

"Well, not every night," he started, his fingers playing with a few strands of his hair while he lay on his side. His eyes fixated on the small can that still had some ambers within it. The little can that separates you from him.

"I mean, some nights they don't even. I reckon they're fighting those nights. Or something happens and they just don't have the time. Abe's always been quite obnoxious though. Sex or not, he wants the world to hear him it seems." He rambled, and you smiled over at Eugene with this smile that had his brain lagging. He swore he'd never felt this way toward anyone in his life. Sure, he'd steal glances from Rosita here and there. Plus, he liked how badass she was, but you? You felt so different from him. You had this sweet and silky demeanor to you. Like if he touched you all of his problems would vanish and he'd be enveloped in this warmth that only you could give him.

"Well, it's annoying," you snickered, rolling onto your side so you could face him. His eyes hesitantly flashed up to meet yours, and he swore that was his worst mistake of the night. Your eyes were so easy to get lost in. He wondered how you weren't spoken for with how drop-dead gorgeous you were.

"Did you game before this all started?" You asked, and he shook his head. Yet again having to pull his thoughts away from how distracting you were. "What?" He asked, and you giggled. The noise had his heart beating even faster in his chest. His eyes looking everywhere but at you. Terrified that if he looked at you then you would know what he was thinking.

"Did you play any video games before all of this?" He swallowed thickly at the question and tried to think of how to respond. You were treading on thin ice right now. Before you knew it you were going to have Eugene talking all night. He could never shut up when the topic of his special interests was brought up. It had his heart swelling at the fact that you wanted to know more about him.

"Well, I would like to consider myself a gamer. I wasn't the best with gaming chats, some people got too darn mean, but I liked hearing the commentary when I would absolutely kick ass." He added, and he felt his lips pull up into a small smile when you smiled at him. "What games were your favorite?" you asked, and he sighed. his fingers drummed on the floor while he looked around in thought.

"Well, I enjoyed an array of games. First-person shooter games, Puzzle Games, RPGs, and a wide variety. I enjoyed coming home from work or school to sit and play some Galaga or Minecraft here or there. Borderlands was a good one, super beautiful character development in those games. Call of Duty could be fun at times, wasn't much a fan of the people who would play that game though." He rambled on before he realized how much he was talking.

Eugene cleared his throat. He looked up at you with bashful eyes, nodding his head toward you. "Did you have any games you liked?"

He watched closely while you looked around. The way you seemed to think as if you were questioning lying or not. Then this deep sigh fell from your lips and he half wondered if you were upset. "Well, not really. I grew up on the farm with Maggie and..." your eyes drifted with this look of hurt that had his heartstrings tugging. He barely knew you and he hated seeing you look so upset. He knew enough about you already to know you didn't deserve whatever pain you were experiencing right now. "Our other sister, Beth. We didn't really have any time to play games other than the ones outside. Plus, Daddy was never a fan of them. Claimed they would rot our brains." You told him, and he nodded. Making a mental note to find some sort of gaming device in the future so you could play one with him.

"Well, he's not entirely wrong. I used to procrastinate on college work by gaming all day and night. Even missed a few classes because I would stay up too late." He told you, and you nodded with a sigh. "What did you do, then?" He asked, wanting to hear more of your voice. More about you.

You shifted in your spot, and he did as well. "Well, I used to help my family on the farm. That took up a lot of my time, really. I didn't even get to move out. I was always worried Daddy didn't have enough help, and he was already so lost when Maggie left for school. I couldn't leave," you rambled, and he was enraptured by you. You had every ounce of attention that he could give to you as you told him on and on about your life. Whether it be the games you and your little sister Beth used to play. Or how you and your uncle used to hunt. Or how you used to tend to the animals. He would remember everything, God as his witness.

When neither of you really had any more to talk about, it was silent again. You could hear Abraham snoring, and the faint sound of groaning from the walkers that aimlessly roamed the streets outside. Neither of you knew what to say.

His eyes focused on your form in the dark when you shuddered. His brows furrowing with a curious grin in his eyes. "Are you cold?" He asked, and he was acting before you even had time to answer. "Take my jacket, I suspect that you are in need of it more than I," he told you, offering the coat, and you felt your stomach flip at the offer. That was the kindest thing anyone had really done for you since all of this started. Besides Daryl being there to help you and Beth when you each got separated from the prison. Or when he helped you after you lost Beth. Daryl and Glenn were really the only two of the group that you believed would treat you as kind as Eugene was. Even then, this felt different than their friendly demeanors towards you. It felt less brotherly and more romantic?

"Eugene, I don't want to take your coat," you chuckled, and he raised a brow. "We could share it? Our combined body temperatures would keep the both of us equally warm. If not you warmer than me, being that I'm a man and we tend to let off more body heat due to muscle mass. Plus with my size, it would be the most efficient way for you to stay warm. Unless you're uncomfortable with it, that's more important than you being slightly cold. If the temperatures were below freezing I would fight over the matter more, but that's not the case," he jabbered in a matter-of-fact way. It made you smile at how intellectual he always was. Even the jokes he told he always said it with this "I'm smart, and I know it," attitude.

"If this is your way at flirting you have a funny way at doing it," you shot, and that was quick to make him shut up. His brows furrowed and he gave you this look that almost made him look half offended that you were accusing his scientific and worried arguments of him just wanting to lay beside you. "Though lying beside you would be a plus, I am only suggesting it out of concern for you. I promise you, I'm not some pig, I would never use the word of science to get in a woman such as yourself's pants," he spoke, and you raised a brow when he came to sit beside you. "You deserve a gentleman, nothing less, and I will stand by that," he finished, and you smiled.

He didn't really know what to do from here, his mind was racing a mile a minute and he wondered if he was overstepping boundaries by simply moving around that stupid tin can so he could sit beside you. He tried his best to chase his racing thoughts away while he lay down on the floor beside you. His back pressed against the hardwood. Saliva pooled in his mouth that he quickly swallowed away. He despised how awkward and anxiety-ridden he always was. He wished he could be normal and not overcomplicate every single thing he did.

His body stiffened when you grabbed the coat from his hands. Draping it over the both of you so you could curl up beside him. This time he felt a shudder from you, and it nearly had him shuddering. Just he wasn't cold. "If this is too much, you let me know," he muttered "Eugene," he turned his head to look over at you. Your face was a hell of a lot prettier up close. "Hold me, please."

He couldn't say no to that offer, especially with how soft your voice was. He felt like he was a sailor, and you were a siren coaxing him into the water with you. Turning on his side so he could wrap an arm around your body and pull you close. Your body felt so warm and cozy up against his. A soft breath left his lips while his eyes fluttered shut. He prayed this moment would never end.

"I know I said I wasn't trying to get in your pants, but may I maybe steal a kiss from you? If that's not weird, I could be getting the wrong vibes from you, I apologize if I am, and I-" a muffled gasp left his mouth when your lips were pressed against his. He was so lost in his ramble that he wasn't even paying attention to what you were doing.

Your lips on his had his body bubbling with a feeling he swore he had never felt. It felt like straight electricity, and his dopamine levels were through the roof. A cocktail of feelings was shooting through his brain right now and he hardly knew how to react. He kissed back, but he was so stiff with it. He'd never done this before, how was he supposed to kiss? Was he too rough, too hard? What if he was fucking this all up and you didn't want to ever kiss him again.

"Eugen, relax," you muttered against his lips, and his eyes fluttered shut. "Sorta hard when I got a pretty gal such as yourself kissin' me," he spoke and you chuckled, kissing his cheek. "All right, then you kiss me. It's fine, I've got no idea what I'm doing either," you snickered, and for some reason that eased his worries away. It was hard to believe, but it made him feel like less of a loser.

One of his hands came to shakily rest on the side of your face. His thumb brushed the apple of your cheek. His eyes were parted once more so he could see what he was doing. Once he leaned back in and his lips caught yours in a kiss they were closing. This time he felt more at ease like maybe he could figure out what he was doing. He was a perfectionist, after all. He'd get the hang of it sooner or later.

A soft sigh left your lips, and the noise shot straight between his legs. A low grumble left his throat while he rolled his body so he was partially above you. Sharing kiss after kiss with you felt like dream after dream.

He wanted to take it a little further, with your approval, but like they say. All good things come to an end, right?

"Get off of her!" Eugene nearly screamed when he heard Maggies voice. Jumping to his feet like a scared cat as he stared at your older sister with wide eyes. His hands flew up in defense when he saw the machete in her hands and he wondered if maybe he should have asked her if this was okay. Was he going to die?

"Maggie! Stop it, he wasn't hurting me," you shouted at your older sibling, and she shook her head. "The hell do you think yer doin'? We don' know him!" She hissed, and you scowled. "He listens to me," you snapped, "Plus, you obviously trust them enough to have me come along with you and Glenn on this mission!" you argued back, watching as your arms lowered her weapon and he attention was no longer on Eugene, it was on you.

"Maggie, what's going on?" Glenn asked, and Eugene looked at the man with a pale expression. Abraham and Rosita retreated from their corner to see what the commotion was all about as well.

"I kissed her," Eugene spoke, finger pointing at you to clarify who he was talking about. "It was all my idea. She was cold so I offered my jacket and to lay beside her to help regulate her body temperature. Then she asked me to hold her an dI asked if I could kiss her. It was all consensual! I would never take advantage of a woman like that," he blabbered in attempts to get you and himself out of this sticky situation. All eyes landing on the two of you.

Abraham looked impressed, Maggie had a look that could kill, Rosita was shocked, Glenn was dumbfounded, and Tara was clapping. "Get it, Eugene," she hooted with a snicker, and Maggie shot her a glare that had her throwing her arms up and retreating. "too soon, my bad, horrible with these situations," Tara mumbled, and you bit your lower lip to fight back a chuckle.

Maggie looked back at Eugene with this gaze that had him wanting to throw himself outside to the walkers rather than deal with her rage, but he didn't say anything. He just stood there and stared at the girl with a worried gaze of his own. Doing all in his power to seem strong for you.

"Maggie, I'm an adult, I'm not a little girl anymore. I haven't been since before all this apocalypse stuff started," you spoke to your sister in a calming tone, and she nodded. "Fine, but he hurts you, I don't care what information he knows. He's a dead man," her voice was venomous, and she was looking back at you with a similar scowl. "And you, don't do anything stupid. I trust you, don't disappoint me," you nodded, understanding Maggie's worries for you. All she had left was you, and you knew she'd be protective over you until one of you was to go.

Everyone slowly retreated back to their positions. Maggie taking over Glenns watch while Glenn went to bed. Tara back in her sleeping spot and Rosita was lingering waiting for Abraham to join her.

"Didn't think ya had it in ya, Gene," Abe piped, hitting the brunette's shoulder with a toothy grin. "Well, uh, I reckon I never did. I just talked enough that it got me a kiss," he spoke, and the ginger snickered. "Whatever, congratulations, you my friend. Landed yourself a nice piece of ass," he told him with a salute and wink before heading back to bed with Rosita.

Eugene cringed at the other man's phrasing. You were far from a piece of ass to the scientist. You were a friend, a companion. He wanted you to be the person he could rely on when he needed a comforting hand, not just someone to get his rocks off. Though he wouldn't be complaining if you and he did do a little more than just kiss, he'd never push it from you. He'd happily just be in a relationship with you without sex if that was truly what you desired.

His attention was drawn back to you when you said his name. Turning in his spot to find you back on the ground with his jacket over you. Your arm was outstretched towards him, luring him back to bed. He couldn't say no to that. Even if he was dead terrified of your sister, and even Glenn. He could never say no to you. He found a reason to live rather than just being scared of dying, and he'd be damned if he denied you something as simple as lying beside you. He was finally at peace and happy with everything, his only concern was how you'd react when you found out he wasn't actually a scientist. Those were thoughts for another time, though, because right now. He had a date with you and sleep.

[sunnixsunshine]

topher and confucius being besties in middle school makes me happy, but it also makes me sad because theyre not friends anymore in high school. its a shame because they seem to be good friends :(

If my math is right, then they both may have been in the seventh or eighth grade when the whole Christopher Columbus debacle was starting up and eventually spread all over the news and internet. So I’m thinking Topher pushed Confucius away not wanting to drag him down and “get cancelled” with him. They both were already pretty active on the internet but mostly for silly kid stuff like just watching or making cringey videos and watching anime. Again, just silly kid stuff. Nothing serious really. But quickly they both turned to it as an unhealthy coping mechanism— Confucius losing his closest friend, which would later push his other friends away and deepen his usage of the internet as a result. And Topher using the internet to escape the real world and the crap his clone father did, it providing a sense of comfort and control, until he turned into what he is now; a Reddit user 😱

Little details I like to think about is them meeting in the fifth grade and bonding over Warrior Cats and watching the same content creators on their iPad because of course they’re both iPad kids(just Topher’s was cracked worse than satan’s asscrack and Confucius had the newest model lol). They made a whole Warrior Cats oc clan with the most complicated name possible and before they broke up they were even making a whole ass animatic with their thinly veiled Mary Sue self insert ocs except neither of them could draw, especially not cats. Like the little comic I posted, they pretended they were anime characters fighting. Yes, they both were the two losers Naruto running during recess. Yes they went through a phase of saying sugoi and kawaii and other Japanese words in nearly every other sentence. They had sleepovers almost every week and would marathon movies like the Twilight Saga and other movies they really shouldn’t be watching at their age but do anyway because their foster moms weren’t exactly paying attention to what movies they were picking out every week. They were just the embodiment of carefree cringe. Living their best lives. Just a couple of stupid preteens dorks.

Now, in highschool, they tend to just purposefully avoid each other. Even though deep down both of them really do miss each other. It’s just Topher is too busy being kind of an asshole and stuck in this state of self loathing and other issues and being an actual social outcast of his own making, and Confucius is too stuck in his phone avoiding his feelings and also now that he’s got JFK as a friend who likes FlipFlop (because of him) as much as he does it’s only further distracted him from his unresolved feelings over Topher and the good times they had together. They both deeply, deeply regret not going back and talking and staying friends. Because in truth Confucius would have probably stayed through the whole ordeal. Although I can still see them both being chronically online. Just together. And most likely worse somehow? And very, very annoying.

Sorry for the rambling, I just have so much soft thoughts about these two being former friends and the potential of them making up is what fuels me. I wanna write a fic about this sooooooo bad but I’m so busy and by busy I mean I procrastinate too much AND I’m busy aihdjsh I may start one tho and it may eventually get finished???? Question mark, question mark?????????????

[eagle-eyes-sideblog]

That Medical Anomaly

Summary

An AU where the reader is the subject of a secretive experiment that leaves them the perfect Player... among other things.

Possible triggering themes for this AU/story include medical trauma, descriptions of chronic illness, ableism, depression, and death. If I've handled anything insensitively, please let me know.

A more 'formal' introduction, along with rambling about my thought process, under the cut.

Self Aware MadCom belongs to @saltymongoose. The concept is really interesting to me, even aside from the xreader stuff (although it's definitely also that lmao). So I thought I might explore that a bit with a concept that's already been floating around my head for a bit. The world that the reader is from is deliberately left a bit vague, but it's sort of magical realism. Most relevant to this AU: there are things like doctors and computers existing alongside curses and other magical ailments.

Also, this doesn't really include much MadCom or SAMAU... Well, no interactions with the characters, anyways. It's mostly just an introduction to my ideas for this AU, so it describes more of what your life was like beforehand and how you found the series. Do also note that I've never played either M:PN game, so there might be some inaccuracies.

All that being said... enjoy!

~~~

You, along with several others, were the subject of an experiment when you were a teenager. It was so secretive, you were never even given the details of why it had been conducted. That, or you had forgotten, given that one of the major side effects of the experiment was memory loss.

The experiment itself was something about deliberately letting specific kinds of contagions into the subject's body. You knew a few of them were fungal, and many were magical in some way, although they were different for every experiment.

Apparently if they chose the right infections for the right subject and 'balanced' them properly with the individual's immune system... they would stabilize. This led to the subject gaining supernatural abilities based on whatever magical infections they had.

Of course, most of the subjects weren't so lucky. The various infections would usually just take their courses; often the combinations would very quickly kill the subject. Those that survived were left with permanent problems ranging from aphasia to compromised immune systems to seizures.

You were their star subject, the one better off than all the rest. The staff made sure to remind you of that every time you complained about anything. "Be grateful," they told you. "At least you can still speak. At least you're still recovering. At least you're still alive." They never said it out loud, but you heard the implication. All of this is only happening because of us.

Bullshit. You were only 'better off' because of sheer dumb luck. Had they succeeded? Maybe. But their idea of success didn't even take you into account.

And their idea of success still left you with problems. Yes, you have sharper senses now, and you can draw energy from more than just food. But you're face-blind, and your hands and feet are numb, and you sometimes hurt so badly that you can't walk.

Not to mention how unethical the experiment itself was. They didn't even study people who already had these conditions; they deliberately induced them. Hell, one of your roommates was six years old! Why they let her participate still bothered you today.

...But it wasn't all bad. You cherished the friends you'd made there, even if you'd lost contact with most of them.

Not just your fellow patients, either. Most of the staff were... annoying at the very least. But a few seemed to actually have your best interests in mind. For example, your favorite nurse, Max, recommended an animated series that might help take your mind off of things when you were in the depths of depression.

You very quickly fell in love with Madness Combat. The simple graphics, where characters were denoted by outfit and style rather than facial features, seemed perfect for you. You grew to adore Hank, Deimos, Sanford, Tricky, and every other character, getting invested in their fights even when nothing else made you happy.

And the episodes were just plain fun to watch. Even when you had issues with your memory, the fight scenes interested you more than enough to make up for it. The community, too, seemed to welcome you, and you came to cherish the friends you made there.

Not only that, but you found a little game on Newgrounds. Although your numb hands made it hard to play, it really did capture the things that made you adore Madcom to begin with. Your favorite nurse approved too; after all, it was an exercise in hand-eye coordination!

Naturally, you were beyond thrilled when Project Nexus came out. By that point, you'd already left the facility. And your memory had recovered enough to get well and truly obsessed with the lore.

You smiled, picking the Tourist difficulty and sitting back to watch the intro cinematic. This was going to be fun.

(Unbeknownst to you, it would also be much, much more than you bargained for.)

[tryingtimi]

Author Questionnaire Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @tc-doherty, this is going to be fun <3 Apologies in advance because I tend to ramble about random stuff besides the answer when I get personal questions, so it might get long.

About Me

When did you start writing?

If we count the bad horror story we created with my cousin then since I was 6 years old, lol. On and off mostly, though I dreamed about being a writer when I was around 8 or 10, so around 2005. After that I kind of strayed to painting and drawing more, but got back to writing at the age of 16. Then a little gap again, and around 19 I took up writing again and never stopped since (just turned 27 this may, so a while now).

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

Literary fiction for sure. I wasn't the person who started reading very early, though my family is full of bookworms and always thought me weird when I said I don't like reading. Then, I found the perfect book (The Man With The Golden Touch, a hungarian classic we needed to read for school), read it in one sitting almost, and fell in love eventually. My teenage years books were satires and serious family dramas alongside the heaviest stuff that connected to real life and you could find it on the market. I just realised recently (when I finished a litfic book in two days again, after not reading any for years) that litfic is probably my go to, or palette cleanser if you will. But I wouldn't be able to write in it for the life of me. Otherwise I'm an omnivore genre-wise, reading what gives me inspo for current projects plus trying out every genre I haven't read yet.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

Usually I would get compared to an author who's work I'm currently reading, because I'm too naturally absorbing style when I'm invested. Not always, but frequently enough. Once a friend said my writing is a bit Brandon Sanderson-like and that made me happy because he's one of my favourite authors and writing icons. (another gigantic praise would be telling me it reminds them of Fonda Lee’s writing hehe)

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

It's literally anywhere, lol. I live in a very small space (two half rooms), so I have a small desk and an armchair (yes, not an office chair or anything, no it's not comfortable even though you'd think so) where I sometimes write. If I can steal my partner's gaming chair, I use that space, but most times I write on the bed, lying on my stomach and putting something under my chin to keep my head higher lmfao. Also going to cafés if I really can't focus at home or using our foldable bed when it's in sofa shape. Our space is always insanely dusty because of it’s size, so that annoys the hell out of me and makes me incapable of focusing on writing so I can't start working on anything at the desk before I cleaned it thoroughly.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Going through my pinterest boards. I have separate boards for could-be characters, weapons, items, places etc. But it's really rare that I need to find a muse or inspiration. If I can't write it's mostly because of burn out or irl stuff that take up my emotional and creative energy, not the lack of ideas, haha. That, I have way too many.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Yes, definitely. Even when I thought they didn't, I needed to realise they do, very much so. Since then, I try to do it consiously enough. I love realising stuff about real life people or our dynamics and whatnot throughout my writing. Plus learning about places, workings of our world help me build up mine coherently. And I’m a sucker for family dynamics so I put a lot of “Easter eggs” in it that was inspired by my family/ childhood.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Giving dead parents to the protagonists count as a theme? Because that is what I noticed once, and suprised me for sure. Since then, they get parents but then the whole story is more like a family drama than anything else. Plus emotionally distant/unavailable parents (especially mothers), finding your place in the world and found family are definitely topics that will appear in all my stories.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

Given that I'm neck deep in Project Sasin, my east asian-inspired urban fantasy mafia story, I could go with all of the main family members. They're all favourites, but if I really need to choose one, then it would be always Grey Fang, who is the head warrior woman of the clan, and the clan leader's right hand. She's a gigantic woman, a true amazon, bestest fighter of the clan, and great at managing the lower ranked warriors. She's blunt, confident, charistmatic and always have a harsh but helpful advice for the main kids. Most of the clan look up at her (not only because she's 190 cm), admire her skill and recite her achivements, and even the enemy clans whisper her name a bit warily. For the main kids though, she's also a fun aunt. As much as she is serious, and can be outright dangerous, she is easy to deal with if you're not acting too shy around her (she believes being shy is always either poor parenting, or a straight up act to gain something, therefore not honest and trustworthy), or breaking any tradition openly. As the clan, she is very fond of traditions and the way of life their ansestors have lived for hundreds of years, but she can be convinced that development is necessary, if someone is determined enough or a master at persuasion. Her first and foremost goal in life is to preserve the clan's good reputation, and prevent corruption or downfall – at all costs. Therefore she would break traditions, or go behind anyone's back if that would achieve it.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Not many lol. Most characters I write are fun to work with and explore but mostly because I wouldn't even go near them irl. I think I would be on friends term with Kil, the main borther who wants to be like Fang, and maybe Yune who's a fairly anxious and talented healer with little confidence yet. Plus, Fang herself, obviously. But both Kil and Fang are extroverted like hell so they would adopt my introverted ass, which I don't kow if counts. I have other works where are some characters I could be truly friends with (Avelyn from Metalsea for example but she's a similar category like Yune). I could probabyl go to those lengths only with my fellow introverted characters whom are the MC's usually, but not the majority of the characters lol.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

Every living mother, uh. It sounds horrible, but it's true. All the mothers who were likeable or fair at being mothers are dead in my stories. Plus most of the men too, maybe. I have a sci-fi story where the MC (Dane) is a scientist with a very ambitious but definitely arrogant and sharp tongue, whom I would probably hate if I met him. (Though it takes a lot for me to truly dislike or hate someone.)

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

I usually come up with one key visual trait for them lol. I kind of go backwards, because I first figure out how they look, and vaguely know why they look like that, then create their personality, their story, the world. My mind craves visualisation, therefore I revolve my characters' personalites around visible marks of their experiences.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

What would be a recurring theme is that they’re emotionally closed up most of the time. There’s also hidden but constant anger inside them. Not many likes to talk about themselves and if something is too personal they just shut down and either go away, or stay silent until the conversation strays to somewhere else. There are also the very open, very easy but dangerous and madly loyal person too who is there for these previously mentioned ones. I also tend to give a dynamic to love intrests that is the "silent understanding" type. They just know each other enough, I guess.

How do you picture your characters?

Fairly clearly. I need visuals to keep working on my stories, so that's why I have so many stuff on my pinterest. Also sometimes I try to draw them, paint them, but I don't have the skill YET to completely bring them to life. But I will one day.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

I just love it. I can't picture myself not writing, and I also recently realised that how all my mental health and overall life improved since I accepted that this is what I need to and will always do.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

Look, I'm already owing you my life if you've read anything I've written. I'm very grateful and happy from that simple thing. Though, keysmashes and caps shouts are one of the bests, and if someone throws a little analysis or theory of why the character does, says what they did my way, then I'll propose them on the spot. That's a rare one, but a treasure for me for sure.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I don't want to, lol. Please don't keep me on the same page as my work, because as much as my heart is in it, it's still my work, my baby, but not my life or personality. It has it's own value without me, and it should be.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Creating atmosphere and showing emotions. Since my ideas are very vague and mostly feelings during my process, I think these also intangible concepts I can thrive in. I can't tell you a city's political standing but I can tell you how it smells, tastes, sounds, how your dreams will change if you move there, how people swear and look at you, and how it feels to have a bad and a good day there.

What have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

I got more than a few times now that I write fight scenes well, haha. They said it's exciting and well paced. I'm glad because I love them (big martial arts enthusiast here), but also friends said that I can create atmosphere well too. What stayed with me was when they said that they felt like they were at that place I wrote about.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depending on the day. I'm my bigget critique too, as I imagine all of us, so when my mood is a bit low, I feel that it's gods awful. Sometimes it is, and that's okay. But most of the time (especially recently) I really like the results. I write what I want to read, after all.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Without question. As I mentioned before, it's just something I'm not able to abandon. Probably because I'm bad at articulating my feelings and thoughts so writing is just essential for me to communicate, even if only with myself. Personally, though, without anyone reading it, it would be so much easier to be honest, lol.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

Tricky question for a recovering-people-pleaser. Recovering because I grew a lot the last two years thanks to some bad but valuable experiences, so I was way worse earlier in my life. I got back to writing by writing fanfiction for a friend because she ran out of the stuff she liked, so I offered to create stories tailored especially for her taste. And as more people started reading my stories (because of course I shared them after a while), I tried to appease for the most enthusiastic readers to show my immense gratitude. External validation is a dangerous thing for me, so yes, if someone seems to enjoy my work very much, I will unintentionally go directions that they seem to enjoy. However, readers are readers, they are not entitled to finish a story or like it, so they disappear at some point (which is fine), so when there was no one left reading my stuff, I learnt to continue for myself instead. That's why I'm less and less online, or sharing specifics about my writing, because I want to write purely what I enjoy. Be a tiny bit more private with it. So now, I'd say I do that, but external validation is a bitch that will hold on to you with tooth and nail, so I will probably still go directions people enjoy if I get any input. But I'll manage it better, because now I can catch myself before I form a fully different story just for others.

Tagging @bloodlessheirbyjacques, @the-void-writes, @aninkwellofnectar, @dyrewrites, @aalinaaaaaa, @forthesanityofstorytellers, @bebewrites, @barbex, @circa-specturgia, @odysseywritings, @italiangothicwriteblr,

No pressure, though I love these questionnaires so would love to see anyone's and everyone's.

[maoisarap]

fellow cringy self shipper here, pls tell me about Mao

Hi fellow!! :D

I shall, thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak of Mao actually too!

Okay, so— I wasn't sure if you meant what he's exactly like in canon or how I see him as, so I'm mixing both in! (I think it's mostly canon? I just wasn't sure what you meant... oops). And also rambles because... uh ye. I'm dumb sorry.

This boy. This boy right here:

— He's such a hardworking guy to the point that he exhausts himself to falling unconscious sometimes, and I really wish he learned to take breaks every now and then — actually more than every now and then, my guy needs a fifty years worth of a holiday with what he does! (He never learns his lesson when it comes to working... sigh.)

— Nicest and purest guy you can meet! He's so kind to quite a lot of others around him, even those who don't deserve it (*ahem* staring at a few certain people that I shall not mention publicly...) he's the definition of an angel, honestly. Although some say otherwise because oftentimes, he can be either blunt or straightforward with saying some stuff.

— Mao can breakdance and I hecking love it. It's so cool. HE is so cool! Nobody else can do it like him. They can try, go ahead, but nobody truly can get on his level. I love watching him do it, to be honest.

— Also, I swear to whoever that he is autistic or something with the way he is about work and a few of his hobbies (especially manga. He collects so much manga and hyperfixates... I wanna steal some from him. Brb, gonna do so-) plus with the way he acts too.

— He's a manga lover, basketball player/leader, student council president, a part of a few circles, and of course a Trickstar member... so much yet so loveable...

Ahh, I just love him so much...! He's just so pretty and definitely huggable. He's the best to exist, and... okay, my mind has fried itself because I can't come up with enough words about how much I love him.

Wait, no! Can we talk about his voice? He's got such a pretty voice. It is so comforting and warm and sweet and beautiful. People say that his voice is "plain" but like?? I don't know how?? Most of the other idols voice I can't stand to be fair... honestly, the number of times I've fallen asleep to his version of Walk With Your Smile because his voice is THAT calming when he makes it to be!

Speaking of prettiness, he himself is a very pretty boy with the way he looks! (I've seen someone call him ugly, and it honestly made me upset because - look at stuff he's in - and say that to me again? You call that face ugly? Nuh-uh.)

Mao Isara is very much an underrated guy, and I wish people loved him more (and I mean that by just for HIMSELF and not because he's friends with somebody he knew from his childhood. There's so much more to Mao than what others think.) But at the same time, I kind of like that he's underrated because it makes my love for him feel more personal than it already is? It gives me a free pass to send him further endless love than I already do~!

I just really love him... that is all. He's my guy, he makes me happy and- ye. <3

Please let me know if you want to know more facts about Mao, whether it is canon or my own headcanons for him (or selfishly, Maoru... Imeanwhat-)! I have and know plenty! I'm making this shorter than I wanted because I'd hate to be annoying, and I feel like we'd be here for a million years anyway.

He's my squishy bubba boy <3

My Sweet Singer <3

A boy who deserves all the positivity in the world because unlike most, at least he isn't a creep.

Anyways yeah, I'm definitely hushing up now-

[hopeymchope]

True confessions from an RE:Zero convert

This might be more of a ramble than my better-organized reviews, but I have a lot to get off my chest.

Personal Backstory: The stuff you skip when reading a recipe

For a long time, I avoided isekai stories. They were so pervasive in anime/manga that I found them quite annoying.

When I first caved, it was only for comedies. I figured that, hey, they're taking the piss out of the genre; that sounds up my alley. So I felt it was safe to enjoy Konosuba. After that, I fell in love with Trapped in a Dating Sim... and to my surprise, it wasn't solely engaging for its overarching comedy. There was more characterization and interpersonal relationship stuff that grabbed me in that one.

That's probably what made me feel more receptive when I saw a couple of people call out Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion as an underappreciated anime highlight of 2023. I gave it a shot one afternoon with only mild expectations for it, and guess what? I adored it.

Yet despite ALL THAT? My expectations for RE:Zero were close to the floor. Raeliana had opened the floodgates, leading me to try some other isekai stories... yet I repeatedly found the ones I tried quite lacking. Furthermore, almost everything I'd read about RE:Zero over the years had been resoundingly negative in spite of its seeming popularity — a real "Sword Art Online" situation, basically.

But eventually, I was curious enough about why some people are invested in these characters that I started giving it a watch. These low expectations left me perfectly disarmed when it began to weave its spell over me.

Storytelling and Worldbuilding: Returning by death

You can neatly divide the show into story arcs, each representing a unique event/hurdle that the protagonist has to get past using his unique power.

The first arc of the story is mostly just setup for some of the important characters and the basic conceit. Our freshly isekai'd Japanese protagonist, Subaru, meets and bonds with a half-elf girl named Emilia, only to soon get tragically murdered. However, he just restarts his life from roughly one day earlier. He can go back in time by dying, giving him a new chance to take new approaches to situations and to accumulate knowledge via loops. Eventually, his "save point" advances to a new point in time... but what causes that to happen is left unknown for now. Making matters even worse is that if he tries to tell anyone about this superpower/curse, he feels intense chest pain as though he's about to be killed... so he has to keep this under wraps. (Though I still wish he'd try to tell people that he can't tell them. We never see if that'd work.)

With Subaru and Emilia established, the second arc introduces the most important supporting characters — Beatrice, Roswaal, Rem and Ram — and also puts one of them through a significant stretch of development. And finally, the third arc takes up the bulk of the series' first season, dealing with... frankly, a LOT. There's a lot crammed into it. You could even argue that it's got multiple smaller arcs stacked inside of it, and that would make complete sense. The third arc definitely does the bulk of the world-building/stage-setting for the future of the series, but there are details and background provided all throughout to get you up to speed on how people think here, how the government works, some of the existing races, etc.

I was initially taken aback by now blasé Subaru is about being transported to another world. This isn't a "death and reincarnation" thing like I've seen in most isekai stories; Subaru just blinks, rubs his eyes, and suddenly he's in a fantasy world just like that. And he... is completely unconcerned and unimpressed by that? It's a weird choice. Combine that with a point late in the first arc where he literally talks to the camera, and I thought maybe we were getting some kind of Deadpool-esque comedic commentary on isekai conventions.

It's the severity of the violence and related agony that makes me take it more seriously than that. I still find animated blood and gore extremely affecting — moreso than fake blood in live-action. That's probably because I was raised on Western animation that contained little to no sign of such violence, whereas Western movies and TV are full of corn syrup and other blood stand-ins. I'm just saying that when the deaths/kills come around in RE:Zero, they hit hard and often quite intensely. They're not showing entrails hanging out (even if they talk about it), but you can expect to see snapping bones and arterial spray. It's still a minority of the time, though; this is NOT a gorefest, and it's better off for that fact. When you suddenly get two minutes of ultraviolence after four episodes of relative peace, that makes it feel all the more effective.

It's not lookin' good there, chief.

I'm an easy mark for this stuff. Some of my primary entry points into anime were horror anime, so playing up this kind of horror gets me to sit up and take notice. It's not going to be anywhere near enough to keep my attention, though. I've certainly watched AWFUL horror anime that had nothing to boast about beyond their gore levels. That's where the quality of RE:Zero's character writing really saves the day.

What's really important to understand is that, through the strength of its gradual buildup of intensity helped along by showing the repeated consequences of failure Re:Zero manages to make some of the big anime shōnen  battles EXTREMELY hype! And yet, thanks to the great characterization? One of my favorite episodes in the whole show is an ep where two characters are just talking the entire time from a single location. THAT is the mark of something I love: If two characters holding a discussion for nearly half an hour has me COMPLETELY GLUED to it.

I've glossed over season two here because, although it still has some excellent moments, it's just not as good as the first. A big part of that is because it's just one giant-huge arc that covers all 26 episodes... and that's a LOT of time to spend on a single ongoing challenge/hurdle. It not only becomes exhausting and kind of boring to be confined to this problem/situation for so goddamn long, but it also makes it extremely obvious when Subaru is going to reach his final time loop and succeed. So once you piece together that the entire season is going to be stuck on this one arc, you realize you're stuck just waiting for him to get close enough to the season's end to finally achieve real progress. Once he does, though? It weirdly manages to feel like it's too soon -- like he didn't do enough to prepare all the problems at hand and somehow just won this time around because he tried super duper hard. There's also the fact that my favorite character from the first season is entirely sidelined (and apparently won't be in season 3 EITHER) — and nobody new manages to step into any similar shoes to pick up the slack.

Sounds like a good time to talk about that that character... as well as the rest.

Characters: The value of growth and change

One of the reasons I got into this so much is because the characters have flaws, go through changes, grow and develop. Rem is an early standout of this. As is apparently a common opinion, she quickly became my favorite character. Her shift from being suspicious and disdainful of Subaru to being 1000% supportive of him is EXTREMELY well-handled, and her sympathetic backstory is also one that we get before most other characters share their own. But when you get down to brass tacks, the main reason I think she's great is because she flips out and goes into violent combat mode whenever anyone she cares about is threatened. :D That's always a favorite archetype of mine. I love me a bloodstained hero or heroine who will march through hell and take any measure of punishment to save someone. Honestly, it makes it hard to understand why he'd so hooked on Emilia when Rem is so peak. And as I mentioned above, a big downside of season 2 is that Rem is completely absent past the first episode. In fact, she won't even be in the upcoming season 3!!! Alas, there is no "person who absolutely tears shit up and covers themselves in the enemy's blood to protect the ones they care about" character who steps in and picks up the slack, so I'm missing my favorite archetype after the first season. TSK.

She's not a princess (a lot of anger in it). Not your cutie girlfriend, oh no, don't you know?

I find it literally depressing that, to date, Rem is STILL not truly back in the cast of the source light novels - not in any way that matters. She makes her cameos via illusions or flashbacks or what-have-you, but she's not really there until she's physically AND mentally present once again. So until she returns to the team with all her memories (and therefore, her all-important character development) intact, I must legitimately ask: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, NAGATSUKI?!

Enough about Rem: We need to talk about the lead protagonist. Subaru is pretty brave throughout all this but really has to grow over the course of the first season and learn to be less self-serving and invest a lot harder into self-improvement. It's nice to see someone who clearly has blatant personal flaws but also is never a detestable person. I actually first saw him when I watched a few episodes of Isekai Quartet a couple years back, and frankly? I found him pretty loathesome over there. I was fully prepared for him to be a shitheel that I was inexplicably expected to like. I'm so glad that this isn't the case. In fact, I love having a character who wears his heart on his sleeve. He's not too manly to weep openly, and he's not afraid to act like a total doofus... or maybe he’s not smart enough sometimes to realize when he does. And although he may be frequently selfish and kind of stupid on multiple occasions, he never becomes one of those perverted male characters or too egotistical. Well... he gets a bit egotistical at times. Too much for someone like me, but... still not overmuch compared to many, many anime protags.

Panic! After Repeated Trauma

And yet... he does get a bit exasperating by the end of season two, imo. Partly because he doesn't grow too much in season two. At least he gets to confront his bottled-up feelings over leaving his homeworld behind, so that's nice. But otherwise, he's pretty much treated as this perfect man whose only major remaining flaw is a lack of combat skill. By the time you've got him convincing yet ANOTHER long-lived character to never give up and put all their faith into him personally just like he's done multiple times before, and it yet AGAIN works? The swelling music and the emotional reaction of the characters to him speechifying about how he'll always be there for them and needs them... that lands well maybe two times, but by this point — when he's talking to a character who has mostly treated him with disdain/avoidance and whom he's only hung out with maybe five or six times — it's pretty hard to swallow, honestly. But I'll try not to hold that against Subaru... I just want him to show some more flaws in future stories that go beyond just "He's not good at fighting." I want him to lose more arguments again. Besides, one of the best things in season two is when his mind starts to crack under the stress and pain of all the deaths he's endured. I think we should dig deeper into that.

I honestly love seeing a hero begin to crack under the pressure.

I kinda cheated by talking about Rem before Emilia. Emilia's the main female lead, after all, whereas Rem is a supporting player. The thing about Emilia, though, is that she's good and noble and pure-hearted from the start. She doesn't grow at all during season one, though at least she does show us a different side of herself when she questions Subaru's behavior during their argument. Season two sees her face her past and gain new inner strength, but she still undergoes far less change than Subaru or Rem in even just the first season. I'm glad they took the time to show her failing and then needing to learn in order to move forward, but Emilia's maybe just a little too perfect, y'know? One thing that garners her a lot of sympathy is that most everyone who meets her dislikes her just for being born a silver-haired half-elf. So many people associate that with one of the gravest threats to ever exist in this world that Emilia has to endure a lot of racism, and honestly? Confronting that racism is when the character is most engaging. So while Emilia is clearly likable and not totally uninteresting, she's not as interesting as a lot of the other players in the story. Most of the characters run deeper than her or have more mysterious goals. Compared to them, Emilia is an open book who rarely changes. The author of the books has said that Emilia is his favorite character, and maybe that's why he never sees much need to develop her. I think it does her a disservice.

On top of being beautiful and kind and intelligent, Emilia is also a powerful combatant. Because of course she is.

Her relationship with Subaru is a major focus, but it seems sort of hollow at first. Subaru admires her kindness/helpfulness and thinks she's beautiful, so he follows her around and dotes on her as much as he can. It's easy to see why he'd admire someone so good-hearted, but it starts to become a little cringe just how obsessively he dotes on her... and that cringiness peaks right around the moment when the two have a big argument and a falling out. It's an important scene that helps both characters, because it shows us Subaru's flaws on full display and also makes him confront just how cringey his devotion to Emilia can come off. Emilia, meanwhile, walks away to spend time without him for a while... though she never really rejects him, either. She really struggles with being independent. She keeps thinking about him and wishing he'd come back and make up with her. Clearly, she's gotten addicted to having a Hype Man around... and goddamn, I can't even blame her. Subaru looks at Emilia the way Stilgar looks at Paul Atreides. Who doesn't want that level of positive reinforcement available 24/7? By the end of season two, although both of them have grown, Subaru's still relentlessly hyping her up. He did criticize her (softly) in one major season two moment, but despite his claims otherwise, he still acts like she's an angel on Earth. And so, although he pool of their romance has grown deeper, it still feels like we've stepped out of the kiddie pool and into the shallow end. It means a lot more to see a character and their feelings grow and change over time, y'know? I suppose part of why we don't see that happening much is because Emilia is treated as so flawless to begin with.

Something I love in a long-running story is when a minor background character slowly starts to appear more frequently until - surprise! - they become a major cast member and full-time supporting player. Season two does this very successfully, and I love the character they expanded and brought into the cast. I feel like I shouldn't say too much about them for anyone who's a newcomer, because the gradual increase in their presence is so enjoyable. But it's a character who first appears in season one and has to wait numerous episodes of season two before they become important enough to get a front-row seat. It's very satisfying to watch them shift slowly from "fifth-tier supporting character who shows up for two scenes" into "major player."

Other characters? Ram is Rem's sister, and she's... not exactly a wealth of depth. Not yet, at least. She's mostly there to act tsundere. Her exact relationship with Roswaal remains hazy by the end of season 2, but she's clearly devoted to him and he's clearly doing... something for her? Roswaal and Beatrice both get by on acting mysterious. We learn a lot more about them in season two, and what we learn makes it hard to tear your eyes off Roswaal especially — he's a fascinating and weird bastard. Puck is a cat-like spirit with a lot of power and a very mischievious attitude. There's a surprising darkness lurking within him that keeps him from being some cute mascot-type. Season 2 also brings us some new characters whose long-term presence among the cast is still in question, but Echidna (not an Australian monotreme) is a standout. She really made me question everything I thought I understood about the moral good-and-evil situation in this reality.

Get those eyebrows under control. We ARE on television, y'know.

Serial Killin'

The series a whole is SO serialized and SO intense that it's really hard to watch it with gaps in-between episodes. Even taking one day off from the show mid-viewing proved too agonizing for me, so I was really grateful I could tear through seasons 1 and 2 in a rapid binge. I say this because... yeah, I don't see myself watching season 3 as it airs. Maybe I'll do a binge for each story arc it contains when they wrap up, or maybe I'll just wait for the whole season to conclude. But either way? This is something that demands to be binged in rapid succession.

I guess you get my point by now. I'm pretty hype about this series in spite of it holding some noteworthy flaws. I'm surprised I can still get so invested in something that dates back as far as 2016 that I haven't seen yet... and that gives me hope for what else I might discover going forward with my anime viewing.

[professional-sephiroth-scrungler]

I finally finished rebirth! Here is my unsolicited review cause i don’t want to melt my brother’s ear drums with my rambling

First off, Rebirth is a wonderful game. It’s not perfect by any means but it’s still great. The graphics are stunning, the soundtrack is absolutely amazing, and all the issues i had with story flow and confusion in the OG are basically fixed.

Story: I’ve got so much to say but thats mostly theories so i’ll keep it brief. I love where they are taking things. They’ve done a wonderful job of blending the OG story with the new stuff and the new directions its going. We arent really gonna full know whats happening until its all wrapped up but I am here for it!

Gameplay: its a good improvement on what they did for the first part. I however, have slow reflexes with the bumper and trigger buttons so they milliseconds they give you to block for immunity is not great for me. Dodging around is really fun though

Side quests/world intel: the side quests and world intel are hit or miss for me. Most of the stuff that doesn’t enhance the story, give lore, or deepen character relationships feels like a chore sometimes. Getting all the lifesprings, phenomenons, summon alters, and intel fights is repetitive and annoying sometimes but its easy to fall into the groove of if you have something playing in the background for the dull bits and running around the world to get to another story/side story beat.

Characters: Wonderful, amazing, exceptionally characterized. The nuances of the cast have been fleshed out a lot and it’s great. Even with their limited screen time, Vincent and Cid have so much substance and i am extremely excited to see where the story takes them. No, i am not ignoring one character in particular, what do you mean? None of the characters have made me seethe and mald at all and make me want to stop playing because of how annoying they are! And im definitely not afraid of the wrath my opinion of the character will bring if i say who! … Fuck it.

Yuffie: Yuffie definitely has more character than in OG and has sure been fleshed out since Intergrade… In the sense they took the happy go lucky, hyper, materia obsessed kid and multiplied it by 1000. It doesn’t help that she is also inserted into situations she 100% does not belong in. What could have been bonding moments for Aerith, Tifa, Barret, or Nanaki, what would’ve fit well in those situations, have Yuffie instead. And it seems her story is not until part 3 so why is she here so much? During tense or sad moments, she says stuff that ruins the vibe or is just irritating. Many time, she would say something during the story, and right after i would think that the moment would’ve been 10 times better if she was not inserting herself into it. Sometimes it feels like the writers are partially writing her as the main character when in the OG, she was an optional side character. Its not to say its all bad, she can have some funny moments. Except those where near when she just joins the party and the more those “silly moments” happen, the more grating they become. I hope that whenever her story arc happens in part 3 or a dlc (god i hope not a dlc the game is already $70), she has some growth and mellows back at least a bit. But who knows, maybe this is just a personal thing and she is actually a fine character. If you like her, thats fine. In the end, her character just isn’t for me and i just dont understand. These were just things that annoyed me personally and if you are fine or like how much more Yuffie there is in the remake trilogy, thats perfectly ok. Anyways

Expectations vs Reality: my only real gripe with the advertising is around Sephiroth and him being called a “protagonist” and supposedly us learning more about him in some english translations ive seen of interviews. I don’t quite understand where the protagonist thing came from. He is still very much the penultimate antagonist. But i expected to at least be able to read some in the manor about his childhood and play as him in combat a bit more. Maybe some TFS promo material got mixed up in my brain. If not, the best i can come up with from where the protagonist thing came from is that Sephiroth believes he is the protagonist, that he is doing the right thing, that he is the hero saving the planet and all other worlds through his twisted vision. And i guess through that, we have learned a lot about his motivations now and how he currently sees things. Not the backstory stuff i was hoping fore, but still really cool to see and analyze.

Over all, i would say Rebirth is an 8.5/10 for me. Some stuff dragged, was fluffed out a bit much in parts and such but over all a great game!

Actually, no. Sephiroth didn’t fast ball a materia at us in the basement. Maybe that will happen in Part 3. But that loss makes it a 0/10. RIP baseballiroth

[system-of-a-feather]

Before I go to the gym I did want to ramble a bit on this since I usually talk about it in a very "haha ego" tone, but honestly, having very intense and strong violent fantasies and urges and a trauma-centered/functioned thirst, joy, and high in violence in a world where that isn't good or okay and there are Laws because it is a Society honestly is really annoying and sucks.

Like its easy to paint those as "owo evil psychopath" and its easy (I guess) with the radical valid uwu-ness fo the internet to write that off "uwu poor violent meow wow" but imo neither of them really are right.

Cause I'm not so stuck in my trauma that I don't realize that the world I was made for is an outlier and not representative of what it really is; and I'm not so stuck that I don't realize that following that trauma-driven need and high is only going to get me in places that my trauma would have wanted me to be in. I'm not gonna do it because I know that is "what my trauma would have wanted" and because its not going to help me; but I'm also not this innocent bun for having this either nor am I bluffing how intensely I want to go run off on them sometimes.

It sucks that something I have formed such an intense joy and positive emotional relationship to - something that brings me such fun an excitement from my childhood - is something that is both illegal, self destructive and forbidden. It's not needed anymore so the very thing I was formed to do and favorite joy in life is Not Allowed Anymore because it would be harmful to our life.

Violence, life-death crisis, and coming out on top of all of those is a childhood high of mine - arguably the majority of what I as a part remember growing up with. It's a huge part of my identity and an original large part of what brought me joy "in my childhood" and to be a functioning human out of a trauma environment and to do the best by my system and myself I've had to agree to swear off and leave all the plans I had growing up as "fantasies and ideation" and while I am MORE than willing and glad to sign up on it - that doesn't remove how much it sucks to throw a lot of the shit that brought you joy and excitement growing up and stuff that has become such a large part of your identity and life aside and start from scratch.

I'm already throwing away like 20 years of identity shaping life experiences aside to learn to live a better life for myself and my parts. I'm already exhibiting such restraint and mature growth and honestly thats why its a large reason about why I am so loudly honest about those fantasies and feelings.

If I am not allowed to act on it and I have to forfeit what was my childhood happiness and joy - then the very least I should be allowed to do is be honest and free to talk about them.

If anyone wants to tell me that I can't say that shit or I have to hide it or whatever, they are officially asking too much from me and I think they're overstepping boundaries because I am ALREADY doing a lot to be an acceptable human being and to recover. If someone wants me to still do that and hide and pretend to be better than I am, then I often just feel like I should jsut throw out ALL that Ive been giving up and just go have fun cause people will keep asking for more than I naturally can provide. Of course, even when I feel like that, I still can't and won't cause I owe it to my system more than I owe it to myself and more than I find myself annoyed and pissed with the boundary being crossed - and instead I tend to just block and remove said person from my life but ya know.

Like yes I am intensely loud about this and it might look like Im overplaying it because no one who actually thinks and has those would be so loud and obvious about it - but thats the whole point. I'm saying it to cope with the fact I won't do it. It's an alternative.

But anyways, I digress.

Evil Alter Rights matter too, man. Evil Alter Rights matter too. /mostly joking

-XIV

[vampysparkz]

Poltergeist Part 2

Ajax Petropolus X Fem!Reader

WARNINGS

None!

TAGLIST.

@mitsuri-suzuki @regulus-black-223048 @gretesstuff

After some quiet bickering between Y/N and Enid, the two made their way down to the quad. They walked down the stone hallways, Enid rambling on and on about how annoying her brothers were and how erratic her mother acted over the summer.

"Hey, Enid?" Y/N queries, her eyebrows knitting together as she thought over the question she wanted to ask.

"Yeah?" Enid hums, looking up from the piece of neon pink saltwater taffy that she was unwrapping, before successfully freeing the sweet from its wax paper prison, and popping it in her mouth.

"You always talk about your mom, and your brothers, but what about your dad?" Y/N asks, unsure if the topic was okay to mention. Y/N had met Enid's dad... Well. More saw him, neither of the girls were very happy to introduce each other to their parents since they were previously exhausted from staying up all night studying, so neither of them ever exchanged any words.

"My dad? He's a cool, down-to-earth sorta guy. He doesn't talk a lot though, mostly out working and stuff" Enid shrugs, wrinkling her nose when the taffy stuck to her molars and her canines, (much like a pitbull that got into a jar of peanut butter) and Y/N couldn't contain her laughter.

Y/N nods with a small hum, and Enid perked up. "What about your mom? I haven't met her yet." She hums, still struggling to free her teeth from the sticky confines of the taffy. Y/N thought for a moment, before giving a soft smile, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

"My moms cool. It's just me and her, so we do our best to get along." She nods, the warm smile remaining on her lips. Enid nods with a little hum, licking the rest of the taffy off of her teeth before looking up as the two stepped foot into their first class.

Y/N could /feel/ the mischievous grin that spread across Enid's mouth, watching as he friend scurried off to go sit next to a vampire girl that Y/N didn't know well. She looked around, and her heart sunk. There was only one open seat, and it was next to the one person she's been avoiding. Ajax Petropolus.

She took a shaky breath, fighting every instinct she had not to go intangible, but rather settled with semi-tangible, her form flickering. Ajax didn't notice at first, he was too busy staring at his phone, the screen blank. Honestly Y/N just assumed that he was stoned, it wouldn't surprise her.

The teacher walked in, beginning to drawl on about some sort of history lecture, something that Y/N had no interest in, especially not while Ajax was sitting so close to her. She had never even been within 3 feet of the boy, much less sitting directly next to him.

She sat in silence, until she heard him give a soft sigh. "I.. Sorry. I haven't been paying attention, what are we going over again?" He asks, his voice barely over a whisper, a rough ish tone sliding from a smoke burnt throat. Y/N's breath caught slightly in her throat, mustering up whatever little courage she had to answer. "Uh... Normie History I think, World War 3 and whatever misfits fought in it" She nods, glancing over at him, watching as a small snake slowly slipped out from under his beanie, sneaking a curious glance towards the girl.

"Ah, cool. Okay, thanks" he nods, before offering a hand out to her, which Y/N shook, doing her best to make sure she stayed tangible, despite the butterflies in her stomach. "I'm Ajax" he says, with a small smile that made Y/N's heart melt. "Y/N" she smiles.

Part 2 is done!

Again, sorry it took so long, I've been swamped with work and school. Will have the new part up soon!

[singswan-springswan]

SW werewolf AU

yep, welcome back to another hyper fixated rambling! this one is heavy on found family though so it might be a bit more bearable.

Okay I've decided to center the concept on Ghost crew and slap it in the modern world just for funsies, since that means I can restructure the politics and whatever.

First off, I've decided that the jedi are all werewolves (or cats maybe? Ahsoka gives me cat vibes but she hardcore needs to be part of the pack so ig that can be left up to debate). They live human lives but have their own culture and events and get-togethers or hunts and such when they get home ofc. very strong bonds between pack members. Instead of calling themselves "werewolves" (despite that being the most colloquial and widely accepted term) some of them like to say they are "wolf bloods" because I guess that sounds more sophisticated. Almost all packs originate from the largest one in Coruscant (not a planet, just a region or somn), which has lots of intricate dynamics since also the alpha beta omega hierarchy is a thing. the way I want it to happen though is that their designation in the pack doesn't mean rank; it translates more directly to what role they play. I know that's not how actual wolf packs hash it out but think of it this way: omegas are sent out to do the nitty gritty field work, like buying groceries. Betas are responsible for caring for the overall health of the pack, and will use those groceries to make dinner for everyone. Alphas delegate everything, so they gave the omegas the shopping list and also the credit card and made sure everyone made it home from school and work on time to eat. Pack members are typically acquired through birth, though on the occasion they absorb an outsider who might have been changed with a bite.

Since Anakin and Co. would be kinda side characters in this au (but also because he's my bestie and I had to indulge him), he and Padme are like. soulmates. you know the ones. from wattpad. it only makes sense. when she found out about Anakin being a wolf blood that was a Whole Thing but she was eventually adopted by the pack and she agreed to be bitten so now the little puppies (Luke and Leia) are running around causing chaos with their abnormal and powerful supernatural abilities.

I want to say all the supernatural stuff kinda floats around the world while most humans are totally blind to it. Like Ventress has to be a vampire or a banshee or something, Sheev is an annoying breed of warlock, and Zeb needs to be a Creature not sure what kind.

anyway Kanan wanders away from the Coruscant pack because he's having a midlife crisis and wants to find himself. Depa and Mace kind of just snort and wave him off. It's pretty standard practice for young alphas to do stuff like that. Most end up rejoining the pack, but some do start their own in a different territory. Kanan finds his way to Lothal where he buys a cute lil house with his so much money (Mace is screaming Rich and taught his grandson how to invest like a champ yessir). He starts tending the local bar and decides to integrate with the nice townspeople just for a fun lil side quest.

Enter Hera, stage left. She's the captain of the local police precinct and has been operating out of Lothal for a few years now. She transferred from the Ryloth sector. Her dad is the chief of stations there. Actually, Hera and Kanan met once when she was still a detective. He thinks it's a great coincidence that their paths converge again, though her tough, stubborn attitude towards him is cold and professional (it's mostly because she remembers how crazy and fun he was and she doesn't want to be distracted from work). They dance around each other, as they do. Kanan is in love before he fully realizes. Something, something, he knows she's human, knows he can't start a pack with her, facetimes Anakin to rant about it, gets laughed at, Padme eventually bombs the call and tells him to go for it bc after all look how she and Anakin turned out (something crashes in the background. There is yelling. Obi-wan chases a Leia who is laughing maniacally while Luke complains about not being able to focus on his homework). Along the way they mention the increase in hunter activity in the Lothal area, so be careful bout that. Kanan has a hard time figuring out whether Hera knows about the supernatural side of things (she doesn't), but if she does he's starting to suspect she'd side with the infamous mandalorian hunters. She told him a story bout monsters and needing to protect the town and stuff. He's not sure how to convince her that not all non-humans are off the rails bat-kriff insane when he JUST got off the phone with the Disaster Lineage Family as they were in the process of burning their house down (you'd think werewolves would be more careful about playing with fire). He decides to go it safe for now. He'll tell her when he's ready (lol loser). 

In the meantime, Zeb and Kanan meet. Zeb runs into him like at the grocery store and they kinda just glare at each other across the fruit aisle. Zeb sniffs obnoxiously a few times "what are ye?" He grumbles. Kanan is momentarily confused. He holds up a banana. "A smoothie guy?" Zeb's eyes narrow. "Ya smell like wet dog from here." (It's raining outside) Kanan gasps, offended. He sniffs his shirt, and all he gets is old spice deodorant (the one he knows hera likes). "I do not!"

Something, something, Zeb eventually places him as a wolf blood (he uses the preferred term, which gets him back on Kanan's good side). Zeb also reveals that he's… whatever he is, some kind of bestial not werewolf thing that can also shapeshift into a human for disguise. Maybe a yeti? a werebear? 👀 Weeeeeee! Anyway Zeb's a social worker at the group home where Ezra's staying atm.

"I've got this kid." He explains to Kanan. "Maybe you can check him out for me."

"What the—I'm not a babysitter."

"Just tell me if he's like you! It's not that hard, kriff. He's got no pack. That's important for you lot, isn't it?"

Kanan agrees to test Ezra somehow. Picks him up from school on Zeb's orders, takes him to get burgers at the local diner like classic spodermun energy, figures out that there's a wolf stalking Ezra (grand inquisitor) and they've had a few run-ins for the past few months. Like Ezra would never out and out say any of that but Kanan's smarter than he looks give him some credit. Also there are shifty red eyes in the flower bed across the street (Kanan's getting really protective now). In classic creepy creep fashion, they get into a car wreck on the way back through the woods. Something, something, Kanan's tires got slashed, the car tips, Kanan's hauling Ezra out by the time he wakes up, then like, runs off into the dark to chase what he's pretty sure is that prick stalker wolf because he's new to dad-ing and didn't think to not leave his kid alone. Grand inquisitor (he should really get an actual name. Maybe we can call him GI? GI Hoe?) Circles back to ezra and attacks him (poor guy) and bites him before Ezra konks out again. He wakes up in the morning like back at the house and everything is totally normal (Kanan really finessed his way out of that) Zeb is making waffles downstairs and school is in half an hour. He'd ask to skip but he feels great. Actually, there's no sign of any injuries (wolf bloods do heal fast ya know), as if the whole thing was one big dream. Except for the fact that he's having a mild sensory overload. Sight, sound, smell are all suddenly maxed out. You know.

Kanan actually brought Ezra back after the whole thing with GI Hoe in the woods (Kanan beat him up and got in the car and kept driving) then immediately dumped his car in the shop. So Zeb knows, but neither of them are totally sure that Ezra is a puppy yet so they decided to just keep a close eye on him until they know. Meanwhile Ezra's having a very weird day at school. He's not sure he can rant to any of his friends about what he's definitely sure happened last night because he has no evidence and anyway they've all got better things to focus on. Jai and Zare are stressing about midterms coming up, and Sabine keeps griping about an impromptu family reunion that's brought a bunch of really scary (in Ezra's opinion) relatives into town who have a mildly freakish obsession with hunting. Ezra's seen her basement. It's a kriffing armory down there.

Anyway classic Ezra trying to juggle all these crazy changes happening to him in the cliche textbook way except he doesn’t have a best friend guy in the chair sidekick to google obscure mythical articles about werewolves for him so he’s doing everything by himself (may or may not be skipping a few classes). Eventually Ezra runs into Kanan again. Probably because he shifted during a moonspell and ran around crazy and Kanan had to snatch him before Hera could shoot the kid. Kanan’s still got no idea how to parent so instead of calmly explaining stuff he just yells at ezra and tells him to be more careful. It doesn’t occur to Kanan that Ezra wasn’t born into a pack and has absolutely no kriffing idea what’s going on. Poor baby. Ezra figures out about Kanan “You’re a werewolf!” *cue more offended gasping* “where did you learn that slur?” “Oh my gOD you literally have fangs!” "what makes you think I'm not a vampire?" "Uh, you're not grossly pale?" "Not all vampires can be pale." "You also wear jeans" "kriff, that's true"

At first Ezra blames Kanan for all the crap he's now subjected to. He's scared and unsure and alone and looking for something to take it out on, and Kanan is convenient because he's just kinda there. But he gets defensive when Ezra confronts him "what do you mean my fault? Ain't got nothing to do with your problems, the kriff?" Ezra's shaking with all the rage trapped in his tiny body with his hands clenched into fists "yes it is! You're the one who bit me!" And Kanan's just dumbfounded and incredulous like first of all excuse you no I did not I was raised better than that holy kark. All pups are taught at a young age that it's very bad manners to Bite someone on a whim. And Kanan may be selfish but he'd never just dump the transformation on a kid with no warning. So then they're just both staring at each other like wait so then who bit Ezra and even GI Hoe denies it when they catch him and beat him up for answers like yeah he's bitten Ezra before but it wasn't The Bite so Kanan realizes that Ezra must have been born a wolf blood and the sudden appearance of a pack near his previously unoccupied home territory plus also him reaching the age where his powers start to get stronger must have triggered an awakening in his body or something. He would have manifested his wolf blood abilities much younger if his parents hadn't died and if he'd been incorporated into a large pack (he would have been so cute as a baby wolf but alas). 

On the one hand, it's reassuring to Ezra knowing there are other wolf bloods out there, but Kanan also was not looking for a pseudo son on his quest for self-discovery so he's being annoying and generally unhelpful about it. Of course, that attitude changes when GI Hoe starts to make his intentions known. He's already got a pack, which reflects the more traditional structure that we're familiar with reading about: very hierarchical, very antagonistic, glowing red eyes, often attacks humans or livestock for funsies. Tensions between inquisitors are high as always so they're constantly looking for new recruits (they kill each other all the time). He keeps trying to adopt Ezra for his ranks, sensing that Ezra could be a powerful asset. when Kanan discovers this, he goes full dad mode and claims Ezra as part of his fam. This leads to lots of confrontations with inquisitors and ultimately ends in the death of GI Hoe. Subsequently the pack is scattered and leaves Lothal territory. Auntie Soka visited from Coruscant to help with that part a bit because she wanted a vacation from spying on Sheev for Padme. She brings her mate Rex (not sure if to make him and the boys another kind of shapeshifter like dragons or just have them be Normal Guys) so they all have fun family bonding.

Kanan tells Ahsoka about how he's in love with Hera and what should he do about it and she is unimpressed with his drama "just bite her. I don't see what the problem is" he is aghast. He would never force something like that on Hera! Plus he's been dancing around the topic with her for a while and he's pretty sure she would hate him if she found out he was a wolf blood—doubly so if he made her into one against her will. Not that he's even told her they exist. As far as Hera's concerned, the mythical world is not reality. Ahsoka is still unimpressed.

Oh by the way Sabine's family are all hunters. Like wolf blood/vampire/faerie/dragon/troll/whatever else hunters which only makes sense if you think about it because they're mandalorians aka the mortal enemies of the jedi (all of whom are some kind of non-human in this AU). Sabine at her age has already learned all the skills and weapons she will need to kill Stuff, and has herself already made a few excellent plaques to adorn her room (after Ezra realizes he's a wolf blood, he starts to hate hanging out at her house. It lowkey gives him panic attacks, now that he knows what kind of wolf heads she's got mounted over her desk). She obviously doesn't talk about the mythical stuff with people outside her family, at least in specific detail. She only ever rants about their group "hunts" but never mentions what they're hunting in exact names. Boy would it be traumatic for her to realize her best friend is one of the beasts she's been trained to kill since she was small. Maximum angst if she shoots him once or twice in his wolf form and continually tracks him (lol poor guy) to the point that she considers him her trophy kill and is determined to get That One if it's the last thing she does. This makes Ezra very sad boi hours. He loves his friend but obviously he doesn't wanna die. One time Sabine almost got him (oh no!) Then Kanan stepped in at the last second and almost killed her before Ezra stopped him and yeah it's just all around a lot of violence weeeee. Hera really can't keep up with all these animal attack reports. 

When Sabine finds out she is furious and horrified and feels very betrayed and has lots of strong feelings but can't actually bring herself to kill Ezra after all because she loves her friend too and like so does her family he's over for dinner all the time and lowkey they were considering adopting him. What wins her over in the end is that he carries himself like a sad puppy all over the place which is both adorable and depressing. Her dad was also there when she found out so he gets her to keep quiet about it and not tell the rest of the Wrens yet because he knows it'd be signing poor Ezra's death sentence and he can't bear to think about that (Sabine's dad was always loyal to the family and supportive of their hunting but Ezra is Ezra and literally one of the fundamental laws of the universe is protect the baby). Eventually Sabine manages to turn her family because she's cool like that and convinces them to hunt only problematic creatures instead (cough cough palpacreep).

Somehow Maul exists. Another warlock maybe? I dunno he's annoying.

Kallus can just be human. He's probably a lieutenant who works for Hera. They're bros. They have coffee together. He doesn't get paid enough to deal with their shenanigans.

Things that need to happen in this AU:

Hera hits wolf Kanan with her car while on patrol. Horrified by having rammed an animal at country road speed, she springs into action, stuffing this larger than abnormally large wolf into her back seat and flicking the lights and siren on. When she gets to the animal hospital, the vet is out. It’s just Intern Ezra locking up the building. Hera is frantic. Thank goodness Ezra is still here! She needs his help! Ezra’s always willing to help an animal in distress, but when he sees it’s Kanan, he almost considers breaking his code. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He deadpans. Kanan glares. Hera doesn’t understand what’s going on, and Ezra needs to keep face so he reluctantly helps her cart the wolf inside, where he takes some X-rays and does some busy-body nonsense in the back. He returns to an anxious Hera in the waiting room, who has pledged to pay any bill or charge in full. “Good news! It’s not as bad as it looks.” (Kanan has broken his leg in three places and cracked two ribs but Hera doesn’t need to know that) She is relieved and vows to return as soon as she can. Ezra goes and whacks Kanan upside the head. “You can change back now. She’s gone.” He throws an arm over his eyes and wheezes. “That kriffing hurt.” The next day, when Kanan sees Hera for some reason he’s wearing the usual leg brace under his sweatpants to hide that but something, something, his shirt rides up and she sees the bruising all down his side and her brain short circuits “How did that happen?” it takes all of Kanan’s willpower not to say “hit by a car”

Ahsoka eats a man

Luke and Leia make the national news

Palpatine gets impeached and also imprisoned in a fish bowl where he is forced to live out the rest of his miserable days stripped of magic

When Kanan begrudgingly agrees to teach Ezra the basics of wolf stuff they go out in the woods together and practice shifting. Hera sees them once and is delighted to find the wolf she ran down doing well “Hello again! Aww, your son is so cute!” (Ezra is thrilled to be called cute by nice police lady Hera)

The first time Hera brings Kanan home Chopper her cat goes apespit hissing and yowling and absolutely wrecking the furniture to get away. When it becomes apparent that Kanan is to be invited back multiple times, Chopper begins the series of attempted murders. Hera can’t puzzle out why her cat is more hostile than usual meanwhile Kanan is sweating buckets because every time he leaves his scent in Hera’s house it makes Chopper lose another brain cell

Zeb is mistaken for Bigfoot by some late-night hiker

Okadiah has just always known about Kanan and everyone. He just sits there chilling like he’s not really anything Special he’s a normal human but he knows and just sits there with popcorn and ice tea watching all this drama unfold

[liliallowed]

Weird how even though I love Dust sans, I don't like his Canon and hate the fanon versions of him. I try to ignore it most of the time because I know I won't be able to enjoy anything, but I feel so conflicted. I have see Dust sans so differently from everyone else it makes it so hard to enjoy any type of fan creation ;-;

(I feel bad most of the interpretations you share I mostly disagree- but I can't do anything because it's the majority)

Not sure why I'm ranting about this, I guess it's been on my mind too much-

lol it's fine!

I personally related to certain aspects of dusts mentality. a bit... too much. as a kid I wasn't in a best head space.

I clinged onto dust for a sense of understanding. a sense of comfort. something in me felt understood. aknowledged.

not sure if it was the self sabotage or the irony of yourself becoming your own worst self fulfilling prophecy with your doubts clouding your judgment...

or if it was his choice to take fate by the neck and say FUCK YOU I QUIT to the script, turning the timeline on it's head to what's got to be the coolest uno reverse moment.

something clicked with that. I don't know why dust specifically. I'm not like that with killer or horror or insanity. it was just DUST that I felt a small kinship towards.

I knew how he hated himself. that he purposefully sabotaged his own life just to be right about the shitty person he is and that irony would only feed itself.

he is stuck in a cycle. I to this day still feel like I'm stuck in my own cycle of improvement then I fall back to my worst then back up then worse goes on and on and onnnn it's never going to stop.

I'm not GOING to wait for it to stop I'm grabbing life by the neck and DEMANDING it to shit the hell up while I pull myself together.

like... I basically grew up with this au.

I was there when ask dusttales ask box was open. I read the entire thing like a deranged fan hoping to unravel secrets of the universe or stuff like that...

if we're comparing personal feelings and obsessions with dusttale... I've had A LOT of it.

but I've learnt that this projection onto fictional characters while therapeutic and helpful can actually harm others or make you sound like an egotistical jackass who thinks they know said character better than anyone.

it's parasocial... and I don't want to be mean to anyone I disagree with. when I don't enjoy others interpretations I try to focus on their positive side.

like, the fic I was ranting about?

that one legit had good grammar and the pacing was great. I liked the world building and the side characters! it wasn't bad! and I don't hate them. just a bit annoyed.

pick certain aspects you enjoy and put it into your own work! if you hate what others do? explain why and reason it IN YOUR STORY/ART/AU.

one of my fics was literally made out of spite to a dust x y/n soulmate au! (Thornbound souls)

just do what you like bud.

I like both canon AND fanon dust. but the plot has to make sense and he has to act in character accordingly in both situations.

my inmate au has a canon and fanon side! fanon side is for shipping shenanigans while canon inmate dust sans doesn't even MEET other humans or monsters.

I think you're allowed to enjoy both. in the end everything is just inspration for more things.

checking canon dusttale lore can be quite bland, mix it up with a bunch of head canons like... having dust occasionally spend time reading when he waits for resets.

as for fanon? do whatever you like just make sure you don't stray too far from dust being... well you know. dust.

classic ship of Theseus dilemma. though I won't ramble much further. just look for things you like!

and if it's under appreciated? CREATE IT YOURSELF!

I'm sure there are others who will gravitate to your head canons!