#this is my first time doing this ik nobody cares but i think i am funny sometimes

[starsarehere]

begins youth text posts cuz at this point I suspect that I might be obsessed

[starlyx0]

so I have noticed some people think Ben is boring (trust me I’ve seen it)

so I am here to talk about everything ben and try to explain his character!

This won’t be the best character analysis

as English is not my first language and I'm trying to bring more attention to stuff that's not talked about often.

So I'm going to split this into 6 categories to try to make writing this easier for me so bare with me.

Things I’ll go over!

personality 

looks 

hobbies

past & current 

relationship with family 

relationship with friends

This is going to have a bunch of stuff that are headcanons I'm only including them to show ppl if u can put some thought into it u can get some reasonable ones.

1 | personality

I see a lot of ppl reduce his character to only music and being mute? which really upsets me because he soo so much more,

but making his entire personality music makes me so mad

most headcanons I see are all the same PLEASE I AM TIRED of hearing what kind of songs he listens to that or all ship headcanons titled as Bens 

he's a shy awkward guy we all know that cuz he really just stands in a corner awkwardly scratching his neck most times and he also doesn’t like horror or anything scary (eps 11) 

hes a protective older brother not overly like Tyler where hes more protective of Tay from other people ben is more chill going and more afraid of what life throws at Lily, there’s not much here cuz more points I have fit in the other categories :)

2 | looks 

he looks kinda of basic nobody can deny that so I won't, but because of his past I imagine he would have a bunch of scars ik he doesn’t and that’s a bummer cuz I really wish he had 🥲

After he lost his voice he became super facially expressive but also really good at hiding his emotions so it’s either really easy to read him or really hard no in between. also because of his past bullying, I assume it affected him and the way he presents himself that why he sticks to basic outfits and look,

overall trying not to bring attention to himself even after therapy he stuck to his habit but if someone gave him a little push and helped him he would drop it and start putting thought into his looks,

saw this somewhere I don’t remember where they said he would have curly hair as a kid but his mom didn’t know how to take care of it so they ended up shaving it and i think curly or wavy haired Ben would be so cute also he would look amazing with an eyebrow piercing %100 and uhh I genuinely don’t remember him smiling genuinely in canon so i imagine his with a downturned smile I may be wrong about that idk

3 | hobbies

did I make this a separate category just to talk about him being an artist? yes I absolutely did 🙂↕️

I fear most people forgot about it n honestly and that is criminal 

there is not much said about it in canon but I’ll work with what I have,

he probably didn’t have much artistic skills when he was younger and only started doing it as a distraction and a way to calm down n he probably made himself draw

I feel like red projected onto him in that ifykyk���

but from the picture Ben draws based on things that happen so he diff draws a bunch of random things he sees and thinks its cool, he would draw everything and everyone and I feel his art style would be more realistic tbh

but Ben also plays guitar, plays piano 

, fight, used to sing, and the medic of the group like what else he do?? he is literally perfect what more can I say here but most of these are not really hobbies but skills he had to learn for the sake of his life 

4 | Past & current 

I’ll talk more here about how his past affects him currently,

I love to think he has a fear of fires because of the fire that burned down his house more of a headcanon tbh

see the pan he burned in that official art? it took him half an hour in his room to calm down his heartbeat and gathering around the campfire is the opposite of relaxing for him

probably hates turtlenecks with his being 

and I want to talk about his voice as that affects him the most what really bothers me about the fandom is that a lot of people ignore the fact that he probably will never speak. 

I see plenty of ppl benlor shippers say 

“he would sing for —-🥺“ “he would whisper to comfort—🥺“ n it makes me wonder are we even talking about the same character???? which is absolute bullshit if he did that he is the one that’s gonna need comfort like please. he would probably never speak unless he sees someone's head gets ripped off there body.

It's said flat out in episode 27

That he has the option to speak but he doesn’t why? Because he hates his voice and if he hates his voice sm he chose to not speak for yearsss what makes u think he would speak for the sake of someone else's comfort when doing that only pains him? he is selectively mute for a reason I'm not saying he doesn’t have a voice but at least if u headcanon him to speak in the future at least let it be for his own sake instead of doing it for someone else or make it about ur ship.

5 | Relationship with family 

Starting with his parents I don’t think they are bad parents at all they tried to help him as much as they could but they couldn’t so they opened up other options and let him move away and heal even if he’s not with them I think what the did is a good choice for their situation and their relationship would still be great tbh considering the distance 

now onto Lily

I honestly can talk about them for days. I love them 

Their relationship is so sweet the way Lily is stuck to him every chance she gets and ah also used to sing to her can you imagine how she felt seeing her brother coming home later and later covered in bruises not singing to her to sleep anymore watching him sneak out 

she basically watched her brother spiral down and then leave she was probably too young to really understand what was going on fully so now she just wants to spend all the time she can with him and he tries to make up for lost time :(

now Aiden 

most people probably forgot Aiden is the closest person to Ben and the same goes the other way around.

Aiden is a life long friend of Ben’s

he literally trusts him, follows him everywhere and lets him decide for him 

they spent most of their time together since Ben moved in they live together there stuck together.

Aiden probably helped him a lot mentally helping him try new things and be more carefree

Ben also probably helped him mentally and physically patching him up and looking out for him overall,

I see some Aiden fics that are like “Oh no Ben’s gonna be so upset at me 😖” and they make him act like a nurse, not a friend and he just bandages him up then leaves as if nothing happened and someone else comes and in does all the comforting 

like I can count all the fics where Ben acts like a decent person and I'd still have more fingers up than down,

it’s so upsetting how ignored their relationship is in this fandom they deserve so much more honestly.

6 | Relationship with friends 

he is definitely the therapist friend 

He is that kind of friend that you can tell everything to him going from weird food to the worst time of your life and won't even realize it 

his friendship with Ash is very chill not the closest I'd say,

they're really just trying to keep their peace lmao

his friendship with Taylor

I imagine them as gossip girls tbh Ben being a quiet kid while Taylor is popular they definitely know some good gossip 

his friendship with Tyler is something he used to find him irritating but then he realized they have a lot in common especially when Tyler was teaching him guitar which was precise since he was the one who offered 

and his friendship with Logan 

it's really sweet Logan would try to teach him gardening while they talk about their interests

and be absolute nerds together lmao

overall the friendship between all of them is really sweet ik I didn’t give it justice here but the found family trope and the way they find comfort in each other is just everything to me

And I'm done yappin hope u enjoyed that because that was over 1,5k words 

if u have any questions feel free to ask 🫡

[goodbuckcharlie]

Kissing other girls

Warning- risky photos and lowkey asshole Luke

Notes- this is part three go read part one and two first

Best friends brother masterlist

@/njdupdates

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Caption- Rookie Luke Hughes spotted kissing an unknown women after Devils win

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@/umichgirl- please tell me Randi dyed her hair blonde and was in Jersey last night.

@/umichfan- no Randi was on at the umich game last night she posted it on her story

@/umichgirl- oh poor girl

@/devsfan- she probably doesn’t even care, they are just friends

@/randi.Kingston

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Caption- life goes on babes

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@/ally_hughes- she said ✨body✨ 😍

@/randi.kingston- 🤪

@/rutgermcgroarty- respectfully 😍

@/randi.kingston- respectful king

@/luca.fantilli- someone fumbled the bag hard.

@/rutgermcgroarty- nobody in the history of ever has fumbled this hard

@/umichfan- Ik she’s is def torturing Luke with that second photo

@/randi.Kingston- we are “just friends” so this shouldn’t bother him at all :)

@/trevorzegras- if you come to California I’ll buy you another tattoo 👉👈

@/Randi.kingston- say less ✈️

@/alexturcotte- RANDI IN CALI?!?!?

@/jackhughes- note to self to get Randi to visit buy her a tattoo

@/randi.Kingston- idk I currently have no urge to go to New Jersey.

@/ally_hughes

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Caption- one last girls night until she leaves me to hang out with TREVOR😡🤬

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@/jackhughes- you act like she’s going to die

@/ally_hughes- with Trevor? It’s a highly likely scenario

@/colecaufield- who’s watching Kevin?!

@/randi.Kingston-Olive is watching Kevin my sweet boi

@/ally_hughes- she told me no

@/randi.Kingston- last time I left you alone with Kevin you scarred him

@/edwards.73- we didn’t scar your cat

@/randi.Kingston- Kevin told me otherwise you heathen

@/trevorzegras- don’t worry I’ll take great care of her, I’ll make sure she gets plenty of sunlight and I’ll water her twice a day

@/randi.kingston-I’m not a plant bro

@/trevorzegras- shit really? What am I going to do with all this soil then?

@/randi.Kingston- I’ll just stay with turc then

@/trevorzegras- nope youre stuck with me

@/alexturcotte- dw ill just steal you bestie

@/lhughes_06- tell Randi to answer my calls

@/rutgermcgroarty- nah she’s good but thanks for the suggestion pookie

@/lhughes_06- I wasn’t talking to you rut

@/rutgermcgroarty- funny just like how Randi isn’t talking to you lol

@/_quinnhughes- wtf is happening

@/jackhughes- idk but I think it’s Luke’s fault

@/ally_hughes- 👍

[sounds-void-fishy]

ik i said i was gonna sleep but then fanfic and my cat nemesis screaming. anyways thinking about how ever since i was a teen ive not wanted to have kids but wanted to foster teens cause id be too scared to fuck a kid up but my set of skills has always been on track to being that of someone good at fostering teens.

and like. idk being maggot granddyke has rlly scratched that itch? especially with the idea of maggot summer camp? i am so so so full of care. being able to teach and help and support. this is all stuff i always wanted to do. this is what i was trying to do school to. and im so grateful that i get to.

i think a lot about this elderly dyke when i worked at an old folks home who toasted me when i told her how honoured i was.

i think about the kids at my high school who tomorrow afternoon are having a st patricks day party with my mom because she is one of the adult supervision and how i started that pride club nine years ago and how having a legacy at 24 is beautiful and terrifying

i think about my roommates when i moved into my current place who were like seven and ten years older than me and declared themselves my parents, at a time when i was freshly out of inpatient and floating at best

i think about the actor at sleep no more, and me crying from the beauty of the connection of queerness

i think about a friend of mine who was a youth leader at my congregation when i was in high school who i thought was nonbinary when i first met them. they didnt realise until quite a bit later. they are one of my dearest friends now

i think about the only time i went to summer camp, a week of leadership camp. it was the first place nobody knew my birth name. where i used just they/them pronouns. it was the first place i learned of the beauty of physical platonic intimacy, where we would all cuddle, or be close while playing cards or reading my immortal

i think of all of us holding hands across the years and the time and the space. in my heart and my mind there is a hangmans tree, from peter pan. the inside is all hollow and infinitely large and there is space for all those i love.

in my soul we are at summer camp and i am yearning so deeply for that to be real in whatever way i can make it

[pumpkinsy0]

i will shamelessly admit that *i* am the anon who has requested so much tarry from you🤚🏼 i thank you with every fiber in my soul for keeping me sane while being stuck in my room with a horrible stomach bug🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️ this will be my last request … for now😌 also i check your blog EVERY day so thank you sm for posting!!

hcs for tarry being lovey/sweet on each other and each other’s siblings? please 🙏🏼

ur shameless,,,i like that,,, live free,,

i just realized, them as like a family is like the brady bunch, HOPE UR FEELIN BETTER BTW AND IM GLAD UR HERE CHECKIN UP ON THE BLOG🙏🏽🙏🏽

•tim sleeps in darrys room when hes comes over, but nobody exactly knows that bc darry and tim were always the last ones to fall asleep yet the first ppl awake so nobody knew where this mf tim was

•lets just,,,all imagine them as one big happy family or they share the same house or somethin cause i dont feel like explaining how the fuck curly and angela r at the curtis house as well

•tim and darry r the main cooks, tim also teaches darry how to make haitian food so pony and soda can have a wider food pallet, same w darry teaching tim some more american foods to feed angela and curly

•let tim tell pony and soda cool stories from his life,,,,YES i took this idea from the outsiders tv show, that show kinda cooked w their version of tim and thats the only thing that shit was good for

•tim and darry share clothes, theyre like around the same build anyways

•i already feel like tim and darry just give most of their stuff to their siblings so they could at least live a nice life, but then theyre like “U should take care of urself” and then they both end up spoiling each other but then not rlly taking care of each other??? they have a very odd cycle goin on

•curly, angela, pony, and soda all play pranks on em, pony doesnt even want to do it most of the time, he’s just so outnumbered he cant not join in

•ik all of them playing card games together is hell on earth, earlier tim taught pony and soda how to play dirty and now their card games last for hours

•darry w angela and curly, he never knows what to do w em, like ever, so he does the most mundane things w em, he takes them shopping at a thrift store n lets em get whenever he makes sure they got that shit ON

•i think darry taking angela and curly hunting or fishing would b a lil funny

•unlike tim whos more involved w soda and pony, darrys more of a observer kinda guy, takes curly n angela places and lets them have (ADULT SUPERVISED) fun

•every singular one of their lil bastards share the same room as and tim and darry can hear them fucking around bc the walls r paper thin, so tim yells “talk yall asses to bed🗣️🗣️”

•before bed darry kisses pony and sodas forehead but once curly moved so darry lissed his forehead as a lil prank and darry looked over at tim and was like “im gonna strangle ur brother one day”

[your-local-baguette]

Hiii could you mabye do boyfriend hcs for leonardo luna if you write about him?

Of course! I've never written for him before but it does seem interesting. I'll try my best thank you for being my first request.

Leonardo luna bf hcs

He is pretty arrogant even though he appears as a sweet and welcoming person.

He's only sweet toward you, like your that special, he would go like" you're much better than these folks"

Even though his arrogant and sarcastic personality, he is capable of kind actions. When you're crying or feeling down he'd turn into legit papa bear.

He is pretty tall and big compared to you( if you're taller than him than please just pretend) so he usually rest his cheeks on the top of your head.

Tons of teasing be prepared

Flicks you're forehead or a bit higher than you're jawline. He think your reaction is cute but would never admit it.

Y'all would be walking down the street and he just talks shit or judge anyone that passes by.

Of course it can't be perfect and he sometimes judges you and not kindly. Even if it hurt his ego, when he realize he will somehow apologize, rarely with words tho.

Big spoon energy

I think he would bury his face in the back of your neck when your cooking, except he talking shit about people while you snicker at his word

If he's tired, well, when he comes home late very tired you might be crushed under him. Just be sure to be kind about it. Or not.

Coffee guy

Love to pick you up. Why? Idk

I think he would put your legs on his lap while giving you a massage, only if you let him beat you at soccer later.

I think he likes to listen to you rambling

He does not say goodbye to his teammates he just goes home and like let himself fall on to you.

I feel like his love language is gift giving and physical touch.

If you try to be the big spoon he will look at you and go like" i am judging you so hard rn"

Never even try to be the big spoon, your efforts will be vain.

Sarcastic jokes

Overall a pretty balanced relationship.

Don't tell anyone but he actually loves it when you top him. Even though it hurts his ego, the view is just too good.

I hope you enjoyed, i haven't written" boyfriend" hcs before inly scenarios hcs so i hope you liked. Im alway opens for request and almost always active apart when im in classes. So i still hope you enjoyed i'll give you my schedule ( vague) ecen though ik nobody cares but these are the main hours im active so yea

6:30 am-7:45am( if im not doing homework)

9:15-9:25

11:10-11:45 ( if im not doing homework)

13:05-13:10 ( break)

14:30- 18:00

And thats just most of the time it can be different depending on the day or the stuff i have to do.

But anyway i hope you enjoyed your request, i searched for him before and there wasn't much stuff so im glad you asked me this.

[hinamie]

ok i have composed myself i have transcribed the lyrics for wish you were here as best as i could. i am going to listen to this and only this until i lose interest or the ability to hear, whichever happens first

this song is SUCH a bop the soft guitar intro in2 the main beat is so good but can we TALK . about how . HE STARTS IT WITH A "MWAH" WHAT A FUCKING ICON I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEMMMMM the percussion is so good i love the soft offbeat claps in th bg they add such a nice lil pep n especially in verse 2 after "love you even if you hate my guts" they add like 4 extra clap beats and i am !!!!!!! ASCENDING

verse 1 is iconic i love the line "pack up my head might mail it back to your house" its so fucking funny it reminds me of that post thts like "i didn't know how to deal with the fact that i had a crush so i wrote her a note that said get out of my school" . but listenok listen. verse 2 is the one they posted a snippet of last year and first of all i love the electric-y/tv-turning off/guitar slide/quiet video game laser effect as the vocals start it makes my brain buzz aNYWAY this verse is my favourite between the two and has absolutely s tier lines such as "as long as you think of me I don't care what" and "love you even if you hate my guts" PLUS the lil clappy bits i mentioned they r so GOOD. not to mention his voice pls.,,, he sounds so good when he belts,,, his voice has a slight rasp to it that they lean into with the slightly muffled old speaker sound god he sounds so good all the TIME his vocals are so clear when he hangs on the words "singing" and "myself" into the chorus PLS. also the bg vocal 'a t-t-t-touch too sentimental' is so gd CATCHY

speaking of the chorus oh my god the CHORUS. the desperate cry of "don't you miss me? / don't you want me around?" is so devastating and heartfelt head in HANDS also the lyrics . im so excited abt them i cannot put into words how !!!!!!!! they make me just. gestures helplessly

wishful thinking is all that’s holding me down  lost on a blue moon  i wish you were here right now

in chorus 2 especially the way the beat cuts out after "lost on a blue moon" n comes back after "I wish you were here"??? AUDIBLE SEROTONIN TO ME ((plus in the final chorus changing the "lost on a blue moon" to "not like you used to" ??????? OW ???????????? that had a lil kick that got me a bit.. , being stuck with ur own wishful thinking as a stand-in for the physical affection of the person u like,,, ....fushiguro touch starved megu- *is shot dead*)))

HOWEVER the absolute lyrical Backbone of this song is the fucking bridge. i knew it would be i heard the snippet ages ago and i was like holy shit these lyrics go hard what are they from only to b dismayed to find that whatever song they were from did not yet exist. but now it DOES and i can listen to the way the bridge sounds like lights dimming. like headlights passing through a hazy window. it sounds like clouds parting

nobody else in this life or next  will ever have me the way that you do nothing in hell, heaven, earth, or the rest could ever take me away from you

THAT FUCKING EMOTIONAL BOMBSHELL against the original soft guitar from the intro drop the drums just reverb-y lyrics and background vocals and some of the most romantic fucking lyrics i've had the pleasure of reading let alone hearing one of my favourite artists sing.

i am going to once again fuse my fv brainrot with my megumi brainrot. realistically ik this is probably a missing your ex song but i do not care. this is a longing megumi song to me i dont CARE argue with a WALL (said to no one). the verses and chorus are pine-y and a bit snarky n very i like-like you and don't know what to do with how much i miss you. it's wry and frustrated n just tsundere enough but then u get to the bridge n there lies the sheer undying devotION god im unweLL this is all i'm going to listen to. this was worth waiting a year for if this is part of a new album they have in production im actually going to die

[macabrecravings]

yes hello i heard you asked for harper propaganda so im coming to your rescue. i am assuming the gaslighting puts you off and I UNDERSTAND even for me it was an acquired taste but here are some of their charm points that i think people dont see at a glance

1. they love you. straight up they are infatuated with you. vrel has said that theyre kylar level obsessed they just happen to be more patient. vrel has also said that they for the most part dont treat other patients the way they treat pc and that they take every opportunity possible in their busy schedule to see them.

2. ik people see them as this insidious manipulator and yeah to some degree thats true but theyre such a fucking fail when you read between the lines. cums in their pants just from touching you. harper nobody is believing that having me kiss you is legitimate therapy and it doesnt help that youre LIKE 25 and do every medical/psychological profession under the sun what degree you have to have your staff hypnotized or something. blushes when you initiate anything. blushes when you have a big dick. virginity lines are shit like "say ahh" "please try to relax, im going to administer a suppository" "its time for your prostate exam" like ok buddy sure youre still trying to pretend to be professional while youre balls deep in my ass, just admit you have a roleplay kink

3. theyre so smug and its so fucking funny "nothing good on tv i take it" when you have your second pregnancy SHUT UP LMAO

4. their favoritism of pc is so blatant bc they dont give a flying fuck about ANYONE else. that scene where they have a random med student there to help examine you. the fact that theyve forgotten the students name,, who fucking cares theyre just there to feed harpers voyeurism kink now uh student. whatever your name is help me collect this cum out of pcs holes its for research i promise

ill spare you and stop myself here but ty for reading

omfg. asylumdweller themself coming to spread harper brainrot to me??? i’m honored….

Literally no better person to convince me than you LMFAOOO. WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT …… Okay yeah, yeah, the gears r turning I see the appeal now. 🤔

BAHAHAH. Harper, I’m sorry for not giving u a fair chance 😔 It’s my Whitney situation all over again … Hated them based off of the first ick I got. (Even though I clearly would enjoy their scenes and content if I didn’t judge a book by its cover PLSNDBDNF….)

Aw :( Love an obsessive, pathetic man. Fictional insidious manipulators are fun as fuck, look at my boy Cain <3 He’s the worst and I need him so carnally. Also, cringefail loser? I see… *nodding solemnly and taking notes*

“Nothing good on tv i take it?” IS FUNNY AS FUCK STOP IAIWJDNFBFN

THANK U FOR UR TIME AND EFFORT WRITING THIS!! /gen

i have much to think about ….

[hiraganasakura]

Hello here are some fun Castti headcanons I think about a lot :]

She has eczema on skin that was exposed to the purple rain, but the skin discoloration is purple instead of red.

She continues to have memory issues for basically the rest of her life, but it gets milder. Eg, she might forget the names of the other party members or have no clue where they are.

There's some emotional regulation issues as a result of the purple rain, also made her a bit more blunt.

Anyway. More miscellaneous thoughts :] :]

I really really love her dynamic with Ochette it is the most important thing ever. I think cause of the whole apothecary thing, Castti really really loves taking care of people. When she wakes up in Canalbrine without any memories, I think she'd almost be disappointed when Malaya says she doesn't need any help because she's got nothing to occupy her time with if she can't help other people. Then she meets Ochette and it's perfect cause Ochette needs a lot of help navigating human society.

I think when she's not helping people, Castti is kinda just standing there waiting for something to happen so Ochette tries to find stuff Castti would like so she isn't just standing there. She teaches Castti to identify plants so whenever there's nothing going on, Castti will just go around figuring out what plants are in the area so she can make more medicine :]

I am also so normal about Castti and Osvald's potential dynamic. I think they should've had a crossed paths together. Oguh man. I'm normal about them I swear

Hi Pie! Sry I didn't get to this until now but I hope yk I was rly excited to hear what you had to say in the meantime :D

Honestly I love your hcs of how the purple rain affected her, with both the physical and emotional trauma of that event combined it'd make sm more sense for it to have more long-term effects on Castti than was shown or implied in canon, and all of these are rly good applications of that! I like to imagine the other travelers would be very patient with her memory and emotional regulation issues (or at least try to be), at first just bcus she's a kind and helpful person to the team, then bcus they grow to like her as a person and friend, and then especially so when they come to understand its cause. Also I think it'd be cool if Castti invented or improved medicated lotion for excema due to her own personal and unique experiences with it, she'd certainly have the medicinal expertise (and I bet Partitio would help spread the word of it and its uses for others it could benefit!)

Ahhh Castti just not knowing what to do when nobody's around for her to help is not only so in character but also pretty relatable to me lol, I can absolutely see that! I love the idea that Ochette would help her out by teaching her how to identify plants too, it's such a sweet Ochette thing to do and would totally be helpful for Castti's work too!

I also love the dynamic between Ochette and Castti, I think it's rly cute and sweet with potential for being funny too!! I regularly think about how it was Ochette who pretty much saved Castti from falling prey to Vide (ik it's supposed to be a Beastling Thing and not an Ochette Thing but I hate how the beastlings are handled and I make my own canon with them specifically. it is an Ochette Thing in my heart <3 )

Also SO TRUE the dynamic between Castti and Osvald is so underexplored and it has sm potential!! I saw you sent an ask about that specifically as well and I'm gonna get right too that, I'm super excited to read it! I adore exploring the relationships between the travelers, the Banters give you a taste but I'm obsessed with character relations of all sorts so it's never enough for me lol

[ellecdc]

okay no pressure in answering this at all if you’re not comfortable but i’ve been having many Thoughts lately and i wanted to share them with somebody but nobody ik will listen and you’re my favorite blog

i’m on summer break from college right now which means i don’t have a constant stream of Things To Do, so i have a lot of free time, which i usually spending thinking about the marauders (guilty)

but since i’ve been home (abt 3 weeks) ive been getting super overwhelmed in the fandom, not bc of anybody but because i have so much Love for content. like i love the fandom so much and i love fics and fanart and edits and stuff like that, and i don’t think i have a limit

i feel like i spend too much time engaging in the community, or even just thinking about characters (primarily the Noble House of Black lol) and i don’t get me wrong, i love it so much, but almost to a point where it’s overwhelming and i get emotional randomly and sometimes i feel like that’s not normal?

like i feel like i might be genuinely addicted - i haven’t gone a day without opening ao3/tumblr/tiktok to see fandom content in a very long time and as much as i love to embrace that fact, i can’t figure out why that scares me so much

i hope this makes sense. i just needed to tell somebody because im starting to feel like something is wrong with me lol

like i said, no need to respond if you don’t feel comfortable. i just wanted to put it into words

I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with liking something ‘so’ much and being so invested in something as long as it’s not taking away/affecting the rest of your life?

If you’re still able to take care of yourself physically (showering, eating, sleeping, cleaning), and if you’re still able to enjoy your personal and social life (going to work/school etc, hanging with friends, engaging with family members), and it’s not hurting anyone (yourself or loved ones), then what’s the harm?

I literally cannot think about canon at all, I was telling my mutual this the other day - they’d asked me what my other mutuals told me about ATYD because they were thinking of reading it and I told them and literally felt sick to my stomach thinking about it afterwards 😅 like no, perhaps that’s not ‘normal’ but that’s also why I’m in fanfiction? I can’t watch TV shows or movies because I get too emotional and too invested that I can’t handle anything angsty or sad. So I spend time in fanfiction to kind of “fix” it for me, and it makes me happy!

When I was in my first degree probably ~19, I was going through a hard time and would go for walks with my dog like 3 times a day for almost 45mins-1.5 hours each time (so walking almost 3 hours out of the day) just so I could escape my present reality and live in my little daydreams I created for myself. I became so reclusive and was over exerting myself, under eating, not socializing and started getting emotional because I preferred my daydreams to my current reality

Sometimes that’s life saving for people so I am an advocate for people doing what they need to do to get by - BUT - for me, that’s when it became unhealthy

So no, i don’t think liking/loving fanfic “too much” is abnormal (maybe it is but then we’re all freaks here) and i don’t think it’s unhealthy unless you’re unable to care for yourself otherwise

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. saturday we did voy's "basics part ii" and "flashback," and last night we did voy's "the chute" and "the swarm." not really last night changed bc i am writing this at fuck o clock its going up tmrw w/o me but w/e

basics part ii:

this one was fine. or rather the a-plot of this was boring, the b-plot fucking ruled

like, what do i care about the surface of this planet? ik there's a whole season that happens after this, nobody important is gonna die. even the critter was no that interesting

also, FUCK the baby not really being chakotay's. i was so fucking devastated. i wanted him to have a little guy sooo bad. they gave it to me and then snatched it away. imagine how he must feel...the whole ship in danger to save the kid that wasn't really his, and two people DIED in the process. the a-plot was terrible.

but ohhh the doctor and lon suder taking on the kazons alone. mwah.

first of all, what a match-up. the doctor can't be killed or harmed, not really, not the way suder used to enjoy hurting people. so that puts them on totally even terms

secondly, the fact that suder FINALLY almost overcame his violent impulses and now he has no choice BUT to give into them for a cause greater than his own needs (to have peace with himself)...that's juicy stuff. his struggle when he came back after killing that one guy was absolutely incredible.

finally, i love that out of any two people who could be stuck on voyager, you get the idea that these two people had the best chance of doing what they did. like the doctor is quite literally PART of the computer that runs the ship, and suder has all the violent impulses of his former life now combined with tuvok's methodical nature and his own hard-earned patience. truly a force to be reckoned with. it doesn't really push your suspension of disbelief when he takes out all those guys at once because part of him has been waiting to do that for a looong time

genuinely i'm only disappointed they killed him...a character like this could have EASILY been a regular. i'll miss him so much

flashback:

I LOVED THIS ONE.......

the undiscovered country was not my favorite tos movie by far (it ranks near the bottom actually) but i wish i had skimmed it at least before watching this. the movie footage being there was so so fun, and JANICE RAND! i'm always so happy to see her turn up, she deserved so much better, even if most of her tos scenes did annoy me to death

anyway, imagine being in a show and 30 years later they are calling you on the phone asking if you would like to do another episode of the show. star trek really is so unique in that regard, very few franchises have that same kind of staying power. m*rvel who? get the fuck out of here.

i looooooved getting more of tuvok's backstory. i think it's really hilarious that spock's parents almost disowned him when he joined starfleet but after that vulcan parents are like pressuring their kids to join to be more like him. poor spock and poor tuvok i wish they could have met onscreen just once

janeway in the old uniform!!!!!!!! she looked amazing

mixed feelings about janeway's speech about how things were different in the tos era and that's why sometimes they didn't do the prime directive. actually, it's funny because i got a little huffy at her "they were quicker to reach for their phasers" comment like GIRL NO THEY WEREN'T and then like the very next day i watched "taste of armageddon" where kirk did immediately start blasting because the disintegration chambers triggered his tarsus iv trauma and had to reluctantly forgive her

that said. spock mention.

the chute:

something lgbt happened on star trek voyager...i don't ship this couple because i'm still kirby with a gun re: tom paris, but i'm incredibly happy for people who do. i think about how i would have been if this had been chakotay and janeway instead (besdie myself) and i just KNOW the harry/tom shippers were eating

i wish harry kim got more to do...he had a little more this time but his solo scenes didn't have much meat to them, it was his scenes w tom paris that really stood out

and like i didn't hate those scenes, but the "shitty hellhole prison" plot itself also kind of bored me, because we just saw a far superior version of this happen to o'brien on ds9 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and to me one half of tom/harry is kinda boring and never gets his chance to shine, and the other is eternally on probation for being too annoying in season 1. so i had a hard time staying invested

that said it was very fun when janeway came down through the hole guns blasting. now who's playing cowboy, captain?

the swarm:

this was another one where the a-plot sucked and the b-plot ruled

i know janeway doesn't wanna add another 15 months, but man, come ON...it was very dumb not to go around. it was even dumber to not go around WHILE YOUR DOCTOR WAS BROKEN. take a few days to fix him and THEN go. also WHAT HAPPENED TO HER IDEALS? the showrunner really needed to keep this shit straight this was wildly out of character for her. that plus constantly brushing off kes...not her finest episode tbqh

the doc losing his memory was great though. kes is SO kind to advocate for him as she does and she and b'elanna were just great in general. kes even gave him a little kissy!! treat him really niceys: the episode

the other doctor hologram was really funny too although his usage of the "it" pronoun made me flash back to my rage when people did that to data during tng

it was actually so true to life how people with dementia act...kes did a great job of keeping him calm until the end :(

and the humming!!! i can't believe they left it there, but i suppose the implication is he gets it all back. and what a breath-taking spot to end it, honestly

TONIGHT: ds9's "apocalypse rising" and voy's "false profits" (i read the summary and good god someone HELP me)

[goopyghoulie]

ik some people followed me because of the melanie martinez art i did. i was also a fan of her and went to a few of her concerts, i’ve poured a lot of money into her. so i feel like i need to make a post about it, even though ik i don’t have a lot of followers and nobody probably actually cares.

but i deleted my melanie art and i will not be supporting her. the whole situation is very disappointing to me. there is a lot of misinformation, a lot of obviously faked “proof”, and i just want to distance myself from all of it. i was never too involved in the fandom because i’m 26, a lot of the fandom is younger. but i did like melanie’s music and i did support her for the past couple years. the fandom’s reaction to the situation is seriously disgusting and makes me feel awful for timothy. no one but the two of them knows what happened that night, and sexual assault absolutely can happen even if you don’t say “no”. coercion is a thing, especially if it’s your best friend. speaking from experience, sometimes it seems (emphasis on SEEMS) easier in the moment to just go along with it even if you don’t want to. you can think something would be super fun and cool to try out in theory, but then when you’re doing it, it isn’t. anyone reading this should know that it’s 10000000% okay to back out of something even if you already started it. even if you were the one to suggest said thing. you can say no for any reason at any time, and the person you’re with needs to respect that.

i will always believe the victim first. i’m not going to make a thousand posts sending hate or wishing death to melanie. i am not going to support her financially anymore, i am not going to make fanart, and i am not going to stream her music. i send all of my support and love to timothy.

if you followed me because of my melanie art and want to unfollow because of this post, bye-bye 👋

[bonerot19]

okay so first of all I haven’t read the newest chapter of sigh no more but I wanted to say that the way you interwove the poetry and jason’s rescue was incredible. I now want to read more of these works because genuinely. So haunting.

and then the next chapter :(( it’s so difficult to try and heal someone who can’t really let themselves heal. it’s such a messed up state where there’s not really a clear path to take and the hurt still remains. it’s like everyone is at fault but nobody is to blame if that even makes sense 😢

and then last, I was wondering abt your feelings on reverse robins? Usually I don’t really care about it but ik you’re a steph jason enthusiast (as you should and so am I tbh) and an au where Steph is Red Hood and Jason is Spoiler is so chef’s kiss to me. Like not only does that fit with them, they have the similar kind of righteous anger and desperate love and want to save and change the world because of how it failed them but also they would be bffs too.. my little guys <33

🥹🥹🥹🥹

I'm sooo glad you like it. I wrote that chapter one night when I couldn't sleep and felt like I was losing my mind and thought it would be a good time to write Jason feeling like he was losing his mind. also the Hollow Men by TS Eliot is a masterpiece

it's hard to let people help you when all they’ve ever done is let you down

as for reverse robins - its not usually my thing (it usually involves Tim as Red Hood and I respect that the concept might work sometimes but generally I don't like it. like, the whole reasoning behind Red Hood doesn't work with Tim imo) BUT I do think it could possibly work with Steph

my issue is, i don't like giving the attributes of the robins to each other and giving them each others back stories? like, the reason Steph is Spoiler is directly bc her dad is cluemaster. the reason Jason is the Red Hood is specifically bc of how he grew up, being taken in Bruce, and then dying like he did, waking up in his grave, the league, etc

if Steph was red hood instead, it would, in my mind, involve taking her and putting her in Jason's story and assuming she would make the same decisions

I know I'm thinking about it too hard and I genuinely don't want to bash reverse robins fics cause I think really interesting things can be done with them

I'd be more interested in something about Steph where she died as BG at the hands of Black Mask and then woke up, dug her way out, was found by the league, trained, escaped, came back

I could see her coming back as something Hood-esque and wanting to punish Bruce for firing her, for not saving her, for not realizing she was alive and saving her from the league

and then, if this was an age reversal au, maybe the Steph that comes back saves Jason, who is Robin. or even finds him trying to be his own vigilante, Spoiler-esque, and doesn't want this kid to die so she starts mentoring him (I do love a good Red Hood mentors Spoiler fic)

[aphroditelovesu]

Omg I am so happy to still see your greek content!

Thank you for feeding me so good with Hector content, I have been sooo starved. Fr only scrapping off of the Troy 2004 ver which is inaccurate af but scratches my itch for Hector content. I read the Iliad once and have been down bad for this man ever since.

I also feel like, while he is a very honor bound man, that if his brother can snatch a girl, who is married no less, with no social repercussions (heavy sarcasm) then the crowned prince can do so too. I mean, who is going to tell him anything? If nobody really nagged Paris besides Hector to send back Helen, then who would tell him to return the pretty lady who caught his eye by just unfortunately existing. Just put the blame on Aphrodite and say she said it was ok.

Ik I am low key ranting but seeing hector stuff got me so excited. I hope you do more stuff with him in the future! And if you need prompts just let me know, I got plenty.

I wish you all the best 💙

You're welcome, anon. I really like the characters in the Iliad, especially Achilles, Helen and Hector. Unfortunately there is so little or almost no content about the last two... The 2004 Troy movie is not bad, for me, but it's not the best. I don't like it very much, but the Iliad is very good, I read it for the first time when we were at the beginning of the Pandemic, in 2020.

I don't think I'm a fan of Troy and that kind of movie because it's not very similar to the original story, they always change something and, in my opinion, it changes the essence of the story 😕

I agree, although there are versions that say that Helena ran away with Paris and was not kidnapped, he is still the main culprit in the Trojan War and the fall of his own city. Stealing the wife of the King of Sparta is not the smartest decision in the world, even more so as this wife is "considered the most beautiful woman in the world". As you said 😁, always blame Aphrodite already and everything will be fine (well, maybe not for you to blame the goddess who has a temper-)

I intend and would love to write more for Hector and other characters in the Iliad. I already have a Helen headcanon to finish and since requests are open, if you want to send requests to Hector or anyone else, feel free.

About the prompts, I would love to! I started writing a list but my projects are like city hall, you know it's coming out but you never know when. Feel free to send it, anon!! ❤️❤️

All the best to you and take care! 💜💜

~ Lady L

[enbyleighlines]

Leigh plays Tellius prt 4

This fucking map took me WAY too many tries, all because SOMEONE wanted to die before I could get Ike to recruit her. Seriously, the sheer amount of times Astrid died on this map was absolutely insane to me.

Though, I will admit that one of my failures came down to me forgetting to protect the green square from the crows. I thought they were only cared about the treasure, so it didn't occur to me to keep Titania on the green square once all the beorc soldiers were dead. That one was on me.

NAESALA!! When my sister and I first played this game back in 2007, my sister had the BIGGEST crush on Naesala. And while I'm not nearly as infatuated with him as she was, I do admit to having a strong fondness for this deceptive bastard. I also love the use of "walker" as an insult here. Too fucking funny.

TIBARN!!! I'll be honest, I didn't think much of him back when I first played the game, but now I am a big Tibarn fan. Look at his roguish good looks! And his badass personality! I also love his whole pirate captain aesthetic. Peak character design.

This entire scene is so funny. I love how Sanaki starts off amused by this situation, but quickly loses her temper. Even Soren, as well-read as he is, was unaware that the Apostle is a 10-year-old girl. Which seems kind of like something he should know, but eh. I'll let it slide because the comedy is too good.

Yeeee, another sapphic! Gosh, she is so dang pretty. I love how serene and understanding she is, especially in contrast with the super strict Tanith.

On a side note, I have to wonder if Elincia is related to anyone in the holy guard. Didn't she say that her grandmother was once a member of the Begnion holy guard? Come to think of it, Elincia must have relatives in Begnion... right?

Oh, Calil. I will enjoy using you in RD, but unfortunately, I don't think I will be using her in this game. If only she came with staves instead of knives. But I already have Ilyanna and Soren, I don't need a third mage on my team.

The humor in this game never gets old. I 100% cackled out loud here, despite already knowing what the joke was going to be.

So about those two tiger laguz on this map. Since they don't move, I thought it would be a good idea to farm some fire weapon experience for Soren. Instead, Soren decided to crit on the first tiger and trigger adept on the second. Oh, Soren...

I love this cutscene so much!! Question: Is that Kyza and Lyre in the background? Also, I love the subtle detail that all the royals shift into their human forms, but the non-royals stay in their transformed states. Is this a sign of respect to the royals, or is it more of an insurance, just in case things get out of hand?

I love Reyson's introduction. They gave us this ultra frail-looking pretty boy, and then told us "oh yeah he's blood-thirsty and obsessed with vengeance."

Also, I will be honest, I did not pick up on the Tibarn/Reyson ship vibes back when I played this game in 2007. When I first went on the internet and discovered that they were a popular ship, I was utterly confused. Now that I've watched other people play Radiant Dawn, a game where it implies several times that Tibarn and Reyson share a bed, I am no longer confused, merely ashamed that my 2007 yaoi goggles failed me.

The only good thing about Makalov is this base conversation. Man, Ike can be soooo savage sometimes, and I love it. I believe that this was initially Soren's idea, but Ike was immediately on board with it.

Aaaaand it's my very first class change! It's Soren, to nobody's surprise. He looks so good in purple.

I will confess: when I first played this game, I gave Soren knives instead of staves, because I thought it would be cool, not realizing that knives were basically useless on Soren due to his wimpy noodle arms and his 5% strength growth.

This time, I did not make that mistake.

[tigerplushh]

Hello, it's me again (if you can remember who I am) But I've had a bit of a weird day and I've been debating with myself wether or not to to and talk about it.

I've decided I am, but not very much. Since I'm still kind of scared that you're not in the mood to listen to me rant.

Warning here, the next few pieces of text will contain:

TW: sa mentions

If you are uncomfortable or triggered by this, please scroll away and do not read!

-----

I feel sick. I saw him today. And it was horrible. Just looking him in the eye was horrible.

I was picking my sibling up from school, and I saw him.

I was petting a cat and when I stood up, he was staring at me. In the eye, trying to work out who I am.

I had changed since it happened, different haircut, had a little bit of makeup on, taller, ect ect. So the possibility of him not remembering who I am is high.

But the face he had on while trying to find out who I was, the 2 second eye contact it scared me. Like, really scared me.

I panicked and ran down to my siblings school as fast as I could.

Scared he'd try something

I started remembering all the shit he did to me, and it kind of messed me up for the rest of the day.

I said goodnight to my best friend, but I still can't sleep

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not as valid as other people because he was younger than me.

I wish it never happened

:(

--------

By the way, if you're confused on who I am, I'm the same anon that asked if they could talk to you here :)

first off, it’s perfectly okay to vent to me whenever. Never feel scared to, ever. This is a perfectly safe space and I’ll never judge you, no matter what you say.

Secondly, I’m so sorry you had to go through that at first, and then see that person again. Its a horrible feeling and nobody deserves that, you didn’t deserve that at all. It’s a completely understandable reaction to be scared, especially to someone who’s done those kind of things to you. I get it, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being scared. I’m proud of you for managing to get through it and even just coming here to talk to me about it, that takes a lot of bravery to do, and it especially takes a lot of courage to open up about sa. I get the fear, I get how hard it is to deal with.

If it makes you feel better to think of it rationally, you should remember that it’s a school place. Staff, teachers, etc, should be around and would be able to see if anything was going to happen to you. Although I understand if that doesn’t help, because a lot of the time, fear stops you think rationally. Especially when it’s fear that you’re in danger- All that you have to remember now, though, is that person can’t hurt you anymore and you’re safe.

Everything you’re feeling and going through mentally and emotionally because of what the person did to you is valid. It doesn’t matter if they were younger, older, if any of your experience didn’t feel “valid enough”, your experience is valid and you deserve to be heard and comfortable. Everyone’s experience with sa is different, and that’s okay.

Again, I’m sorry that happened to you at all in the first place, and I wish I could help you more. I want you to remember that you’re loved and that people will be here for you and will listen to you when you need it. I’m always gonna be here if you need to rant or need comfort and that’ll never change.

Take care of yourself and try and get some sleep, ok? Do whatever makes you feel best, I’ll be here if you need me. Love u <33 /p (only saying that cause Ik ur secret identity, but that’s ok 💕)