#this is not a moral debate. I don’t care when you believe life begins.

[witchthewriter]

Hi, I love your beautiful posts 😍 Can you please do the birth charts (as well as MBTI and Moral Alignments) of the Six of Crows, please? Thank you so much!! 🖤

Thank you for your lovely comments and the request! I hope you enjoy and feel free to debate in the comments if you see fit xx

𝑲𝑨𝒁 𝑩𝑹𝑬𝑲𝑲𝑬𝑹

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑱 | 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑠𝑡

Deeply insightful, they have a knack for reading between the lines and detecting underlying meanings and patterns. They use their thinking side to assess everything critically and quickly identify solutions to problems.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒆 𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍

This often describes someone who cares only for their own personal needs, neither inclined to hurt or harm others, nor to obey or rebel. Neutral characters don’t believe in upholding the rules and laws of society, but nor do they feel the need to rebel against them.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒏

The second card in the deck, the Magician is known for his power, skill, concentration, action, and resourcefulness. The Magician brings shape, intention, and direction. This is the movement from zero to one. From nothing to something. This is the beginning.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

Responsible and masters of time management, Capricorns are usually serious individuals. They are very capable individuals, independent to the core and realistic in their personal and work lives. Successful individuals, they rely on life experiences to lead them toward achievement.

As with the other earth signs, they are grounded and focused on utilizing the physical world’s resources. However, like their counterparts, Capricorns are stubborn and may struggle in relationships that stray too far out of bounds from their more traditional views.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

While others may find security and comfort in material things, Moon in Scorpio people seek out emotional intensity. No matter what, there is something very intense about Lunar Scorpios. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion–they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

Definitely restless and often quick in physical expression, natives of the Gemini Ascendant exude an air of impatience even if they don’t mean it. In fact, there is a cleverness to Gemini Ascendants that can intimidate some, especially sensitive folk.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

People with Mercury in Taurus tend to take their time considering things before they speak. They are deliberate communicators who get straight to the point, but unlike Aries, they consider everything they say before they open their mouths. Taurean Mercury placements prefer practical outlooks and solutions. They are very confident in their values, so confident that they can come across as closed-minded in certain conversations.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑽𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒐

People with Venus in Virgo will make themselves feel safe in matters of the heart, even if that means cutting off a deep romance. Venus in Virgo people are not the flirtatious sort. Instead, their appeal lies in their dedication, their willingness to work on the relationship, and to make the relationship work in real terms. Unlike Venus in Leo, they won’t try to impress you with grand gifts or promises. Their gifts are less showy, but perhaps far more generous — gifts of devotion and attention to details about you.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

These individuals tend to be quite hardworking and are always after the long game, unafraid to put in the effort because of their innate desire for victory. Known as a force to be reckoned with. As fiery Mars is in the more orderly sign of Capricorn, natives with this position have a subdued and controlled style of approaching life. Most don’t come across as particularly enthusiastic; rather, theirs is a low-key but determined energy.

Weapon: Will end your career

𝑰𝑵𝑬𝑱 𝑮𝑯𝑨𝑭𝑨

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑺𝑭𝑷 | 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐴𝑑𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒𝑟

ISFPs want the freedom to pursue their own course in life, set their own schedule, and live according to their personal values. These types crave freedom for themselves and want others to enjoy freedom as well. They are typically sensitive, kind, and gentle and crave a life that is meaningful and personally rewarding. They balance this with a realistic, practical, and factual outlook on life.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

People with this alignment believe in doing the right thing no matter what 'side' they're on. They help others because they have the desire to do so, not because the law or anyone else, tells them to do it. They know laws can be unjust, so they do not blindly follow them. Most protagonists have this alignment.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆

The Justice card represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. It's an obvious card; do the right thing, and justice will come to those who do not. I see Inej as someone who enacts justice. Especially her character development at the end of the book/show where she decides to go after slaver ships and set people free.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓

Those born under the zodiac sign Cancer need to be needed. In all aspects of their lives, they have an overwhelming desire to feel loved and appreciated in order to develop a sense of security and identity. Normally protective and courageous, Cancer signed people can however become very brooding and moody if they feel that their emotional needs are not being met. Because of their rather clingy natures they tend to be sensitive to the needs of others. In life people who fall under the zodiac sign of Cancer can be quite successful with their ability to understand intuitively what others desire or seek.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

Moon in Taurus natives are generally very romantic. Their affections are strong, deep, and unwavering. They are sentimental and warm. Since Taurus is a practical earth sign, the placement of the Moon in this sign suggests an ability to protect themselves and their own interests. They will rarely make a move without first determining that it is safe and that there’s something in it for them. Generally, Taurus Moon people have reliable instincts. They are very much tied to the physical world.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑨𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

Often turned to for advice, most people with this Ascendant are quite friendly and likable. Their personality quirks generally go over quite well with others. With this placement, one may be perceived as intellectual, innovative, and a humanitarian.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

People with Mercury in Scorpio don’t open up easily to most people. They keep their personal and emotional information close to their chest. They only open up when they feel close to someone. Because of this, they are likely to have a few close friendships instead of a larger friend group.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓

People with cardinal water Venus signs don’t do small talk: when a Cancer Venus chooses to love, they immediately dive in deep. If you’re fortunate enough to be loved by them, return the favour by providing them with a safe harbour. Love for Venus in Cancer is best when it is committed and rather predictable.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑽𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒐

Mars in Virgo grants someone a strong work ethic and a goal-oriented nature. They tend to be highly analytical and able to manage many projects and people at once. Mars in analytical Virgo strategizes and approaches problems with surgical precision.

Weapon: Holier than thou, will condemn you

𝑱𝑬𝑺𝑷𝑬𝑹 𝑭𝑨𝑯𝑬𝒀

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑬𝑺𝑭𝑷 | 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐸𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑟

Jesper is the perfect example of this personality. Gregarious, enthusiastic, and fun-loving, ESFPs believe in seizing the day and making the most of each moment. These types are highly observant and quick to respond to sudden changes in their environment. They enjoy working alongside others to learn new skills or make something happen. They often have a restless, adventurous streak and enjoy being active as much as possible.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅/𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍

We all know Jesper is the Lord of Misrule. He loves chaos; creating it, being amongst it, and watching others be riled by it. But moral alignment is also how he believes the world to be; rules are meant to be broken, because who created those rules in the first place? Rich men. The rules would be very different if they were made up by the poor, the underdogs and the underprivileged.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒐𝒐𝒍

The first card in the deck, it represents a person at the beginning of their journey. The keywords are: beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, and a free spirit. And it really correlates with Jesper through the spontaneity and free spirit; because you never know what he's going to do, you never know what his next idea will be.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

Expressive and quick-witted, Gemini represents two different personalities in one and you will never be sure which one you will face. They are sociable, communicative and ready for fun, with a tendency to suddenly get serious, thoughtful and restless. They are fascinated with the world itself, extremely curious, with a constant feeling that there is not enough time to experience everything they want to see.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

Nothing quite happens soon enough with this position of the Moon. There is an inherent impatience with getting what they want. Life is a series of emergencies for Lunar Ariens. They live in the moment and have a hard time waiting for things to happen. Whims of the moment take absolute precedence in their lives.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑺𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

One of the most obvious and endearing traits of Sagittarius rising is their willingness to keep up a sense of humor. Even when they’re feeling low, they manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever they do have. The placement of Sagittarius’ ruling planet, Jupiter, will give more clues to how they go about expressing themselves.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑨𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

Unconventional in self-expression, Mercury in Aquarius natives enjoy breaking the rules. They are not necessarily loud or flamboyant people, but they often have a quiet way of stirring others up. These natives delight in exposing what they deem biases in others’ way of thinking. Very quick to contradict others, and to offer a different perspective, these natives enjoy intellectual debates.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

People with this placement are slow and steady in tackling what they’re after — but once they set their minds upon it, there is nothing stopping them. As a fixed earth sign, Taurus is also known for being stubborn while Mars is all about expressing a person's will, which means people probably have a hard time getting a person with this placement to do anything they don’t want to do.

Weapon: Bull’s horns, bullheadedness, and brute strength

𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑨𝑺 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑽𝑨𝑹

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑱 | 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐿𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑛

Detail-oriented and down-to-earth, ISTJs have a careful eye on tasks and procedures to make sure they’re done right. These types are also deeply loyal to their loved ones and beliefs, standing up against any adversary that would threaten them.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑳𝒂𝒘𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

A lawful good character is a protector. The iconic example of lawful good is a paladin, a holy knight who protects the weak and destroys evil. However, characters who are lawful good are frequently seen as morally rigid and stubborn, so the alignment is often derided as “lawful stupid”.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒓

The essence of this card is a strong male figure. Authority, structure, father figure, protection. The Emperor reflects a system bound by rules and regulations. It's actually a pretty unpopular card because of its rigidity. But that's who Matthias was before meeting Nina. He was firm in his ideals, but his mind was opened to the possibilities of the world.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

Practical and well-grounded, Taurus is the sign that harvests the fruits of labor. Taurus is an Earth sign, just like Virgo and Capricorn, and has the ability to see things from a grounded, practical and realistic perspective. Taurus is the builder of the zodiac, perhaps no other sign is more loyal and dependable than Taurus.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

They feel with their senses and they are pretty much rooted in their ways. They revel in material comforts–in fact, building a solid and comfortable home and foundation helps to keep them feeling safe and content. It isn’t wise to try to push Lunar Taureans into doing anything, but once they have made a commitment, they’re persevering.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

In astrology, your rising sign represents your social self, or how the world perceives you. With their bold, fiery natures, Aries rising signs come across as competent and courageous. They not only ask for respect, they earn it, through the way they address and value themselves. Their strength, determination, power, and even their good looks make them seem like people you can't easily take down.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

With Mercury in Capricorn, natives have a strong need to compartmentalize the impressions they get from the world. These people often speak and write in a slow and methodical manner. They appreciate structure and order. Although they are resourceful people, Mercury in Capricorn natives easily get frustrated when too much information is thrown at them at once. They break down ideas into manageable parts before arriving at a decision.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

A Taurus Venus is incredibly touchy-feely and desirous of physical connection. They’re also very feet-to-the-earth partners, craving stability and reliability. Never break a date with a bullheaded Venus, lest they be viscerally wounded by your flakiness and retract their trust.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

People with this energy are unafraid to take action and often tend to be quite courageous. Mars is at home in the sign of Aries, meaning it can do what it does best: act. Mars in Aries natives are often a step ahead of the rest of us. A life that is too predictable makes them antsy. They don't like messiness in their life.

Weapon: Ram’s horns, head-butting

𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑨 𝒁𝑬𝑵𝑰𝑲

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑬𝑵𝑭𝑱 | 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑠𝑡

They seem to have an innate sense of other people’s potential, and they enjoy inspiring people to grow. These types are more interested in what’s going on behind the scenes than what’s apparent on the surface, and because of this, they can often sense underlying motivations and needs.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

A Neutral Good creature might still obey the law or society’s expectations most of the time, but they are not rigidly bound by them, and they view doing the right thing as more valuable than obeying some strict doctrine.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒖𝒏

The Sun Tarot card radiates with optimism and positivity. People are drawn to Nina because she can always see the bright side and bring such warmth into other people’s lives. Nina's positive and radiant energy follows her and makes it easy for her to make friends. Oh, and her grisha ability.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑳𝒆𝒐

 Leos are truly natural-born leaders. They are charismatic, dramatic, energetic, passionate and full of life. Even how Nina is described in the books; she's larger than life. Voluminous red hair, curvy body, she speaks up, she's loud and bold. But also loves to have fun. She can be light-hearted and very caring.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

An underlying restlessness is common, and many Lunar Geminis need more stimulation than others. They usually read a lot, talk a lot, and think a lot with this airy, mutable position of the Moon. Gemini moons suddenly become an open book when they find someone interesting and comfortable to talk to. They overshare their emotions often wondering later if they revealed too much.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

From a relatively young age, Taurus Risings have the basics of life figured out. They want to feel good, and they want to spend time in serene, beautiful, sweet-smelling environments. Taurus Risings believe that life doesn’t have to be unnecessarily complicated.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

These people are on an eternal quest to get to the very heart of any matter. This appears in anything that requires thought, and in almost every conversation they have. Totally fearless when it comes to delving into depths that nobody else wants, or even thinks, to explore, Mercury in Scorpio is adept at learning the source and the core of any problem or issue. They are blessed (or cursed, depending on how you want to look at it) with the observation skills of a surveillance camera, seeming to just see all and know all.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

Aries is decisive and direct. Aries is also a competitive sign and Venus Rams harness that energy while flirting, preferring teasing banter and gentle one-upmanship to earnest compliments and sweet nothings. Venus in Aries is a passionate and dynamic combination.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑳𝒆𝒐

People with Mars in Leo have tons of charisma and always make a strong impression. This is because both Mars and Leo are fire elements. This combination shows extreme warmth and passion. In conflict, these people can be quite fierce. They can also hold onto a grudge stubbornly if they think the other person will never change. I think we can all agree that Nina Zenik has an innate fire within her; a self-confidence that allows her to glow, to get out of sticky situations - even without her grisha abilities.

Weapon: Teeth

[hamliet]

Wrote this when the leak happened, never posted it, am currently in such a tearful rage that anything I wrote now would be riddled with expletives so here goes the calmer version. FYI, it's written specifically for "pro life" people, like the community I grew up in, attempting to meet them where they're at and persuade them to open their mindset. Also, because, as I said, I'm currently a ball of rage, you might not want to comment on this if you disagree because there's a pretty strong chance I'll go off and say something I will regret. Just warning ya. I'm in a mood to overturn some tables.

So as someone who is pro-choice because I'm pro-life... the news enrages and distresses me. I grew up very pro-life (oh the fundamentalist cult life) and changed my views over time. I'd like to propose that the whole "does life begin early in pregnancy or not" doesn't actually have any relevance to this debate.

No one should ever be able to force another person to donate an organ to keep someone else alive. Literally when people are DEAD, their families have the right to refuse organ donation. 

It's about bodily autonomy. 

I think if there was a person who was told they were a match for a child who needed a kidney or else the child would die, we might feel they *should* donate, but who is comfortable with saying they legally must be required to do so? What about extenuating circumstances? Would you want to not have a choice if it were you? What if that matched person was also a child, or had a high-risk family history, or was terrified and then happened to be one of the few people who die during a routine procedure? Because it does happen, albeit rarely (to consider the metaphor, birth is statistically riskier, medically speaking, than abortion--which isn't to say abortion has no risks because, like any medical procedure, it does. But the risks aren't equal). 

My point is that moral consideration is a separate concept that surely influences legislation (or like, should), but not a 1=1 to legal obligation. Legal obligation cannot account for exceptions and rare cases, because life is way more complex than any legislation could ever capture. That's why ethics and morality exist as fields of study. That is why philosophy exists. 

The ironic thing is I'm more like... I more err on the side of caution and lean towards thinking life begins earlier rather than later. Not conception, my existence as an identical twin kind of debunks that, but I think there's a reasonable case for implementation (at least, it can't be fully debunked--though the concept of vanishing twins does challenge it). But, I don't think you can force someone, and I don't think anyone, not even the most empathetic of doctors (and my experience with doctors tells me most aren't empathetic, lol), is qualified to make that decision for another person. 

I also think that, for me personally, I would never choose to have an early abortion with the exception of the same reason I would choose a late-term one: if a child was not going to survive. And I'd mourn them. Every loving mother should have the right to make a choice to turn off life support if there's no hope. I've seen miracles irl, I believe in them, and I would hope, but when it comes to a certain point... I also have seen agonizing situations where it's just better not to hook people up to tubes for years and years, waiting for a miracle, and provide palliative care instead. Again, I don't think this should be a legal requirement; loved ones each have the right to make these choices for those who cannot make choices. Why would you strip this away from someone?

Indeed, I'd say the ethical choice in many (again, exceptions exist) cases is to donate turn off life support and donate organs to save others; an analogy would be to lose the child, mourn them, and give the mother her organs back instead of saddling her with medical debt, health risks that don't go away after 9 months (see the long-term effects of preeclampsia, which including a striking correlation with heart disease--like, up to FOUR TIMES more at risk for heart failure later in life, and twice as likely to suffer heart attacks). Why prolong her grief at having strangers ask her when she is due, when she knows she will give birth to a dead child? Isn't that cruel? 

Furthermore, if this government wants to force people with uteruses to have kids, then for the love of God, stop charging tens of thousands of dollars to give birth and then get necessary follow-up medical care. Provide actual paid maternal leave, which isn't even controversial in most countries. Train your doctors to listen to our pain instead of dismissing us because we're just "so sensitive." Train people not to rape us or pressure us. 

Oh wait, Justices Kavanaugh and Thomas are on the court. Like, regardless of where you stand, can we all agree it's a little screwed up that two men with histories of sexual harassment and/or assault get to make a choice over other people’s bodies? Because??? They already have tried to make those choices with some pretty damn bad intentions?? Hard for me to believe this isn't about hurting, humiliating, and even killing people with vaginas when two of them have resorted to sexual violence to control a body owned by a woman who did not want to sleep with them before. Neither of them have ever displayed integrity or repentance, despite claiming to be Christians. You disgrace my Lord's name with that. You take His name in vain. You are filthy men who can never stand for justice and can, frankly, rot in hell. Also, I'll believe you, yes you in particular Justice Alito, give a damn about protecting any child when you walk back your arguments for allowing police to in essence sexually assault ten-year-olds via an invasive strip search. 

Now, idealism and reality, theory and practice. In life, our ideals (and religious beliefs) are lighthouses: they guide us through a rocky, stormy life. But they are not always able to be ideally implemented. You can't follow a straight path. That's just how life works. We continue to learn how to navigate closer and closer to these ideals, while also knowing that we're not going to reach it here. None of us are perfect, rocks exist, we look at waves and get distracted, others knock into us and jar us off course. We need to use what we have around us to stay afloat.

The reality also is that studies unequivocally demonstrate that policies such as access to birth control, proper education, access to healthcare, and access to maternal resources drastically reduce the rates of abortion. This is good. No one thinks abortion is a great thing to aspire to have (well, no one reasonable), but instead a choice that must be made as a result of the failure of other things along the way. If the pro-life movement actually cares about stopping mass murder of children, then prioritize that above all else. It's like Rahab lying to save the Israelites in Jericho: yeah, she lied, but she was called righteous for her intent. Also, I presume the whole "minor sin for the greater good" logic is what pro-life people are using the justify Justices Alito, Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, and Barrett lying under oath and committing perjury (an actual crime) by saying they considered Roe established law? Because those tapes exist; they did do that.

So, don't say compromising to save children has no place in your beliefs, because it does. And don't say they didn't lie because technicalities or semantics or whatever; the intent of those questions was clear, and there's a reason the oath includes the words "the whole truth and nothing but the truth." It was legally and morally a lie. 

The pro-lifers (as said movement is primarily funded by evangelical American Christians) need to put their money where their mouth is and act as if this is what they really want to do, even if it means not living in an ideal world (because, sadly, we don't). Yeah, they don't want people having sex before marriage, but the reality is that--in church and out of it (percentages are the same)--most people do. So, advocate for birth control access (don't take it if you don't like!), medically accurate sex education (giving facts isn't gonna teach anything God doesn't already know), and support maternal healthcare. That will save the lives of children, which is most important, right? I, a pro-choice person, say it is. You can keep up your pro-abstinence advocacy while doing this, you know, because sexual activity is also a choice (or should be, because teaching consent matters). 

Yet, the pro-life community distinctly does not do this. Why? Could it be that they don't actually believe a fetus is a life? Or could it be that they have other motivations? A mixture of the two? 

Until the pro-life movement starts prioritizing practical compassion over self-righteousness, until they accept that they are not God and attempting to control others is more along the lines of the serpent in the Garden than Christ and thus go on to mix practicality with idealism, I can't believe they actually care about saving lives as much as they do punishing females who have sex (specifically who have sex not with them).

[anamericangirl]

A fetus is a human life but it’s not a human being, we don’t grant personhood simply for being alive so that’s highly debatable. Whether or not a fetus is deserving of moral consideration is irrelevant because that’s a personal view, the main point is outlawing abortion goes against bodily autonomy laws that we have upheld in the western world for decades upon decades. A 8-10 week old fetus ( which is when majority of abortions happen ) is not viable. If a fetus is not viable and has to directly survive off the mother, she still has her bodily autonomy rights. A fetus is not granted those bodily autonomy rights because the fetus is the one infringing on the mother’s bodily autonomy & it can only be granted those rights once it’s viable. By outlawing abortion, you’re giving this non-viable fetus more rights than a woman. You’re granting a non-viable fetus more rights than a literal dead person ( we have bodily autonomy rights that protect dead people from the government infringing on it & donating organs to those in need, even though they are already dead . We still have to respect their bodily autonomy.) Bodily autonomy laws protect citizens from having to use their own body to sustain the life of another, regardless of if that other life dies or not.

That aside, we already had laws preventing abortions after a certain time period ( about 24 weeks ) and only made exceptions for health reasons.

Also I don’t understand why anyone would be for completely outlawing abortions knowing the state of our current foster care system being overflowed and abusive , our lack of affordable healthcare and how these laws will impact the poor. Forcing women to give birth will not fix anything and “pro lifers” rarely advocate for actual changes in these systems and instead stand outside abortion clinics harassing women all day. It’s pathetic and shows that what y’all really want is to feel a sense of moral superiority & control instead of fixing the actual issues at hand and helping women & children.

Thanks for explaining what you believe and not being rude about. I really appreciate it!

I have a problem with your position from the very first sentence, however. You really need to define your terms because if something is a "human life" by all definitions I have seen anywhere, whether it be law or science, then it's a human being. If you are going to assert that there is a difference between human life and a human being then you need to clearly define what the difference is. A human being, from a biological viewpoint, is a human organism. That's what classifies us all as human beings. And, from a biological standpoint, the unborn are human organisms from the moment of conception. And if being a human organism is what determines whether we are human lives, and thus, human beings, why doesn't that apply to the unborn? If an organism is human and alive then it's a human being. There are not human lives that aren't also human beings.

The next problem with what you're saying is also right at the beginning.

"We don’t grant personhood simply for being alive so that’s highly debatable."

Who, exactly, is "we"? Personhood is not something we grant to others. If it's something to be granted then it's something we can take away and maybe that's the problem here. If you and other pro-choicers think personhood is something we grant and not something that is a truth then we just have a fundamental disagreement. The concept of "granting" personhood never leaves anywhere good. People who believed personhood could be granted would not grant personhood to slaves or Jews and that leads to great evil. Now we are not "granting" it to the unborn. The problem here is you do not acknowledge that they are persons just because they exist as a human being. They don't need to wait for personhood to be granted. Personhood is not a philosophical concept. The definition of person is a human. And if you acknowledge the reality that a human life is a human being and human beings are people it's not debatable at all. So, once again, if you are going to assert that being a human being is not the same as having personhood then you need to clearly define the difference.

This got really long so I'm going to hide the rest of it so people don't have to scroll past a long post.

"the main point is outlawing abortion goes against bodily autonomy laws that we have upheld in the western world for decades upon decades."

Laws being in place is not an argument for whether something should be tolerated. Bad laws that should not exist have existed. Slavery was legal and allowed human beings to be treated as property. Is this something that should not have changed since it was a law upheld for decades? Was the Dred Scott decision something that should have been left in place? If a law is bad and violates a human right then that law should be fought against regardless of how long it has been in place.

Bodily autonomy is not license to kill. If exercising your rights demands you intentionally end the life of an innocent person then you cannot exercise that right. Your rights end where another person's begin. Bodily autonomy is not a right without limits. Seat belt laws violate bodily autonomy, drug laws, laws against drunk driving, mask and vaccine mandates, etc. In fact, every law violates bodily autonomy in some way or another. So to simply argue that outlawing abortion goes against bodily autonomy when every law goes against bodily autonomy isn't a compelling argument. We generally restrict bodily autonomy when exercising it would cause serious harm or danger to another human life. So when that is the justification for restricting bodily autonomy and abortion directly kills an innocent person, then you are going to have to explain why in this case the life of the innocent person doesn't matter and, why, in this case, bodily autonomy trumps the life and health of a person who would continue to live without your interference, when it normally does not.

"If a fetus is not viable and has to directly survive off the mother, she still has her bodily autonomy rights. A fetus is not granted those bodily autonomy rights because the fetus is the one infringing on the mother’s bodily autonomy & it can only be granted those rights once it’s viable."

I have a real problem with the language you use about human rights. Once again, you are using the term "granted." Human rights are not something that are granted to people. They are called human rights because you have them by the very nature of being human. If you exist as a human, regardless of how old you are, how developed you are, or where you are located, you have human rights. The only qualification needed to have human rights is that you exist. So if bodily autonomy is a human right then the fetus has that right because it's a human being. A fetus also has the right to life. These rights are in place at the moment you exist, not the moment you're born.

When you justify violating the rights of the fetus because they aren't viable, are you claiming that viability is when a person has rights and is no longer ok to kill? Some babies are born very early, like before 24 weeks, which is when a fetus is considered viable. If a baby is born at 20-22 weeks they are not considered viable. Is it acceptable to let them die or intentionally kill them?

Also, it's very important to know that the fetus is not infringing on the mother merely by existing. It's existing exactly as it's supposed to. The mother's personal desires about whether or not she wants it doesn't determine whether there is an infringement. You talk like the baby just climbed into the uterus of its own accord or there was an embryo floating around looking for a uterus to invade and pregnancy happens randomly to completely unsuspecting women. But that's not the case. If a woman is pregnant, it's because she chose to engage in an act where the sole purpose (biologically speaking) is reproduction. She chose to take the risk of creating a baby. She made the baby. She put it there. It's not an uninvited guest. The process of reproduction is a natural biological function. It's part of life. It's not an infringement. If you invite people into your house, they aren't infringing on you by accepting the invitation. And once there, if you decide you don't want them there anymore, you can't expel them from your property by killing them.

"By outlawing abortion, you’re giving this non-viable fetus more rights than a woman."

The non-viable fetus is a human being just like the mother. And I'm not giving them more rights. I'm acknowledging they have the same rights. You are the one ignoring rights. You can't use your own rights to kill innocent people. Give me a time, other than abortion, where it's ok to kill an innocent person in order to exercise your rights.

"You’re granting a non-viable fetus more rights than a literal dead person ( we have bodily autonomy rights that protect dead people from the government infringing on it & donating organs to those in need, even though they are already dead . We still have to respect their bodily autonomy.)"

I know pro-choicers like to use the analogy of donating organs to explain why you'll think abortion is ok, but it's not a good comparison. You're comparing two completely different situations and acting like they are the same and since one is ok so is the other. But the situations aren't the same. One situation requires you to kill a person. The other does not. And that is a huge difference. You are not killing a person by not donating an organ. You are killing a person by performing an abortion. Can you stab the person who needs the organ? Can you take your organ back after you donate it and the person is using it? You are ignoring the fundamental difference between these situations. The act of killing is the core issue here. When is killing ok in any of the scenarios you brought up?

"Bodily autonomy laws protect citizens from having to use their own body to sustain the life of another, regardless of if that other life dies or not."

Regardless of if the life dies or not, independent of your own choices, that's true. But not regardless of whether or not you are making the choice to intentionally kill that other life, which is the key point here you keep glossing over. In any other situation, even in an organ donation one, we would call that murder.

"That aside, we already had laws preventing abortions after a certain time period ( about 24 weeks ) and only made exceptions for health reasons."

Yes but that's not everywhere and it's not good enough because abortion should be prevented from the moment of conception. And there is no health issue that is treated by abortion.

"Also I don’t understand why anyone would be for completely outlawing abortions knowing the state of our current foster care system being overflowed and abusive , our lack of affordable healthcare and how these laws will impact the poor."

Because I don't think killing children is the solution to these problems. Killing existing people to save them from poverty or the foster system is not the winning argument you think it is. The foster care system, not being able to afford healthcare, etc. is not worse than death and I'm really curious as to why you think killing the children is a better option than fixing the system and helping the kids currently in it. You're not making any of the situations better by killing people before they're born.

"Forcing women to give birth will not fix anything and “pro lifers” rarely advocate for actual changes in these systems and instead stand outside abortion clinics harassing women all day. It’s pathetic and shows that what y’all really want is to feel a sense of moral superiority & control instead of fixing the actual issues at hand and helping women & children."

This is how I know you know nothing about pro-lifers. You bitch at us for "rarely advocating actual changes in these systems" when that couldn't be further from the truth. Like yes, our main focus is ending abortion because it's a literal genocide of the unborn and that is the most important thing to stop. But pro-lifers are also more likely to foster and adopt than pro-choicers are. We provide resources for struggling mothers with healthcare, childcare, their living situation, etc. We help them choose life and we help them after they choose it. But you pro-choicers don't see it. You just assume we don't do that because you're not out there doing it. You think until pro-lifers fix all the problems out there ourselves the only solution is killing babies and it's the only one you advocate for. You bitch at us to fix all the systems you use as justification for killing people but don't do anything to fix them yourselves.

And yeah, the pro-life movement does a lot for women outside of the abortion issue but if someone is pro-life and their sole focus is to stop abortion that's perfectly valid. There's nothing wrong with focusing all your activism on ending the killing of babies.

Maybe instead of getting mad at pro-lifers because you chose to be ignorant about all the things we do to help women and children, you should get mad at pro-choicers who just say there are too many problems and we can't fix them so just kill the children.

Pro-lifers do not force women to give birth. Reproduction is a natural biological process. We don't force it anymore than we force digestion. Pro-choicers are the ones forcing birth. You're advocating to force the baby to be birthed much earlier than it is supposed to be. Once a woman is pregnant, she is going to have to birth that baby one way or another. The difference here is you advocate for killing a baby so that it's delivered dead, and we're advocating for the delivery of a living one.

[shaftking]

Everything that is happening with abortion is the result of demedicalizing/politicizing a medical procedure. I tend not to be the "both sides are shit" centrist type, but both sides fundamentally miss the mark by decoupling abortion from the medical context.

I'll start by saying I agree with the argument that prevention should trump trying to abort. There are a million different methods on the market to help with that. Heck, the pharmacists where I work can legally prescribe birth control; it is that easy to get a hold of (they can also prescribe narcan, fun fact, but that is besides the point). If insurance does not want to take it (most take it outright), the discount cards we can give out make it very affordable as well.

With that established, now to abortion. There are certainly cases where it is inherently medically necessary to perform one. That is why I'd personally say this should be a case for the doctors and not the government, but legislators having the choice is still better than ruling with an iron fist like roe had before. This is where I differ from the conservative ultra pro-life crowd.

But we cannot forget that there are risks to abortion for both the mother and the child. We must remember that both beings are at play here. After the first trimester, many of the procedures include scraping out parts of the fetus and the lining. This is dangerous for the mother as well, as this can both make it harder for babies to latch in the future as well as cause infections. Keep in mind that this is an internal organ we are talking about getting infected here. This, along with other concerns, is why there need to be bigger conversations with the doctors before considering it a viable solution. The ultra liberal "we should abort whenever we want" completely ignored aspects like this, as if it is not a huge decision to go through with this medical procedure.

We really just have to start treating this like the serious medical procedure it is. We need to be determining medical necessity just like every other part of health care and not leaving it to the politicians to further demedicalize it.

Sorry to dump this all here. It is not that I am ashamed of my opinion, but I had to mention my job as an important aspect of this discussion and i didn't want that linked to my tumblr account.

No need to apologize, this is actually a very good point. I absolutely agree that so much of the abortion debate hinges on the fact that neither side necessarily wants to admit that abortion is a medical procedure with risks involved and shouldn’t be given out to anyone for any reason.

Even if you are the most pro choice advocate, who believes in the crazy idea that life begins at birth and not before, the idea of invasively removing or prescribing a medication that causes the expulsion of material from a uterus comes with zero risk should be insane to you.

There is a reason that having your appendix removed only happens when it is a threat to your life, because getting into someone’s internal organs will always carry some risk of infection and other complications. Obviously abortions and appendectomies aren’t exactly the same, but you understand the point.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: birth control is easier to access, cheaper, and less risky than abortions and carries none of the moral issues that abortion does. If you don’t want to get pregnant, would you rather spend forty bucks for a relatively low risk preventative like PlanB or would you rather get a literal medical procedure with much higher risk that costs more than ten times that?

I’m pro choice in the sense that it should be as safe as possible and a rarity. I am also pro birth, and women shouldn’t have to feel like their only option is abortion. There should be support for women accessing and using contraceptives, and there should be support for women in positions where pregnancy could get complicated or have a hard time supporting herself and her child.

The issue is when people treat abortion as a first resort instead of planning in order to avoid it ever having to be an option.

[trashbinbackyard]

5 - The hierophant

Old men arguing about the natural state with a hint of worldbuilding

Pages from a journal, written in code:

“Konstantin and I seem to be in a disagreement on the nature of the djinn. I personally don’t tend to get offended on the notions I might be in the wrong, and honestly, neither of us are experts on the matter, our conversation was merely a brain teaser over some afternoon tea. We enjoy the debate, it helps us keep our minds open to views other than our own, and maybe, just maybe we’ll stumble on an enlightening idea.

 Understandably his stance goes against the doctrine of researchers of the crescent university, that the djinn are called forth from Gehenna through the Al-Ghaib echo. (The echoes themselves are a subject of many papers and the life work of many occultists, but that is beside the point for now) Al-Ghaib is the realm of the unseen that hovers over our own plane of existence, and casters are able to reach them through the veil, like they feywild and the shadowfell. The veil seems to be thinnes to Al-Ghaib here in Nia Vasileos.

Well, he dislikes the implication that his passion, magic, is the reason our world gets invaded by malevolent spirits every now and then. He’s grasping at any clues that would suggest an alternative cause. Recently, prompted by me, he’s been looking into the teachings of some clergies on the subject of the djinn. He is not a religious man, but like every wizard worth their salt, is familiar with the teachings of Rhion and Anahit, and their creator Leeo. 

Rhion and Anahit go hand-in-hand when it comes to what their clergies think of the djinn. At the start of it, magic is at fault, well, at fault of thinning the veil. Just like the ethereal echo was made from powerful casting, the magic twists and bends the barriers around our world. But what really makes a djinn, is the evil in people, the djinn are lured by it, fed by it, made manifest by it. 

And I must admit, I have never heard of encounters with a djinn of noble intentions, unlike other spirits, those of magic and virtues. The djinn are fundamentally different, and how you deal with them requires special knowledge.

The concept of mortal evil is not is not a subject we shy away from discussing, or sometimes arguing. I love Konstantin, and he loves me, but it seems we disagree on a subject that is the very foundation of our own moral view of the world.

Konstantin holds the belief that mortals are flawed beings from the beginning, and it is everyone’s duty to make an effort to be good. It makes sense, he’s dealt with many selfish and greedy people, witnessed powerful people misuse their power, he’s come face to face with virtue spirits maligned by mortal influence into something unrecognizable. 

I, on the other hand, believe people are good by heart, and they decide to do bad things. Whether by being pushed into a corner and forced to do the unthinkable, or by witnessing the cruelty that certainly inhabits our world, and deciding to embrace it rather than fight it. It is hard sometimes, yes, but I believe it is our natural state. Peace, love, tenderness. The civilizations before us has known kindness, they have known love, I have seen it, unearthed it, studied it.

“It’s easy for you to think that”, I remember Konstantin once saying, “You haven’t gazed into the darkness that inhabits mortal souls”.

I don’t hate our debates, but I hate how Konstantin framed his argument, a hint of belittling, suggesting I am naive to the ways of people.

He is a kind person, and I admire him for making the effort of not letting himself get jaded even by his quite pessimistic view on the world. He knows companionship, camaraderie, passion, joy, all things I think make life worth living. But not everyone does, the world can be cruel, yet, even in the slums of Nia Vasileos, I can see the people deeply care for each other. I truly believe people want to be good, but not everyone can out of sheer survival.

“We’re lucky, Konstantin” I retort, “Not everyone gets to stay kind”

[infinitefandomimagines]

Scarred - Zuko x Reader

WARNINGS: ARGUING, BURN SCARS, ANGST

-

REQUEST: zuko x reader where the reader is the last one to forgive zuko at the western air temple bc he accidentally hurt her in the crystal catacombs and than zuko goes to her tent, begging for forgiveness and she shows him the scar he gave her and it’s super fluffy:33

-

"Y/N. . . what do you say?" All eyes landed on you, waiting for your response to Aang's question. However, there was only one pair of eyes in particular you glared back at; and if looks could kill, the recently renounced Fire Nation prince in front of you would've surely met his demise right then. But Zuko knew how to hold himself in front of those who wanted to intimidate him. If there was anything his father taught him, it was that much.

Despite your fiery stare and previous threats from the first time he pleaded for forgiveness that you'd "knock him on his ass" if he ever came near you again, he kept his composure. There was no doubt in his mind you'd stay true to that warning, which is why he made sure to keep enough distance between the two of you.

There was a hopeful gleam in his eyes, so far Aang, Sokka, Katara, and Toph had agreed to let him join the team, albeit some more hesitantly than others. If everyone else found it in their hearts to forgive and forget, surely you could as well. Wrong.

"No."

You saw the last bit of hope fizzle from his eyes as defeat weighed down on him, causing his shoulders to sink and his head to drop. "I know you don't trust me, I don't blame you. I've done horrible things, hurt you and your friends-"

"You can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain you've caused me!" Your words held a venomous sting, yet your tone was strained, calm almost.

"Y/N," Katara stepped up behind you, her voice was soft. You could barely feel the hand she'd placed on your left shoulder, thick and itchy bandages blocking her attempt at comfort. "I don't like it either, but Aang needs to learn fire bending."

"I really believe he's changed, give him a chance to-"

You cut Aang off, finally breaking your gaze from Zuko to face the young monk. "He's already had too many chances!"

No one could admit that you were wrong, not even Zuko. Because every time he'd faught against your little group of rag-tag heroes, you'd given him a chance. Even while the rest of team avatar faught the exiled prince, you never threw a single blow that wasn't defensive or to save your friends. Instead, you'd offer him a chance to join the right side. Of course, he never accepted, but you saw the benefits of your kindness when he'd began to show a sense of mercy against you. There was something in your head telling you he was more than just a villain.

But that mindset changed when you and the gang faught against him and his sister in the crystal catacombs. When Aang almost died. When he chose the Fire Nation's side. When he'd made sure to leave you a permanent reminder of that day.

After a few moments of tense silence, you let out an impatience scoff. "Leave, Zuko. I gave you my answer, the least you can do is respect it."

Reluctantly, he nodded, mumbling out an apology before turning on his heels. He only got in a few steps before Aang interjected.

"Zuko, stop."

He did, glancing over his shoulder, ready to hear what Aang had to say.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but Zuko is staying. I need need to learn fire bending and he's my only option. I really believe he's changed for the better."

"You don't have to forgive him, but Aang's right, we need him," Sokka added in, to which Toph agreed.

You took in their words, it was obvious they weren't up for debate. You hated that they were right, you all did need Zuko, no matter your current opinion on him.

"Fine," you sighed, looking at Zuko, who was now standing awkwardly with his hands behind his back. "But stay away from me."

Over the next few days, Zuko had somehow managed to gain the complete and utter trust of everyone, even Katara. Everyone except you. Then again, you hadn't had your "life changing field trip with Zuko" that made everyone seemingly forget about everything he'd ever done to them. Field trip or not, earning your trust wasn't going to be that easy. You didn't care how many times he made everybody tea and told cringey jokes.

"Where did you learn to make so many different types of tea?" Aang inquired, causing everyone to look at Zuko, wanting to hear his answer.

Zuko returned to his seat around the fire between Toph and Aang, finally finished handing out small cups of tea. "My uncle, it's his favorite thing to make, he even owned a tea shop at one point."

"You mean the one you betrayed," you deadpanned coldly. You flicked your eyes up from the warm cup of tea in your hands to Zuko, wanting to see his reaction.

His smile faultered, and katara shot a disapproving look at you. For a second you felt guilty, maybe that was too far. He looked genuinely hurt by your comment, but soon another emotion took over his features. You could see it in the way he clenched his jaw and sat up straighter.

"Yeah. That one." His tone was one of poorly restrained bitterness, you'd definitely struck a nerve.

You hummed in response, refusing to break eye contact with him, like you were challenging him to say something equally as cold, but he didn't take the bait. Instead, he took a deep breath, just like his uncle taught him.

"I don't get it," He asked, frustrated and fed up with your snarky comments and side eyes. "Everyone else trusts me, why can't you?"

"You really have to ask?"

Katara could feel the tension and awkwardness of the impending argument hanging over everyone. This wasn't the time nor place to be having this conversation.

"I think now would be a good time for another healing session," she interjected, giving you a look that informed you she wasn't exactly asking. With a frustrated huff, you stood up and made your way to your tent, not even waiting for Katara to follow.

You plopped down onto your sleeping bag, sitting with your left side towards the opening.

Katara was there in a few minutes, holding a medium sized bowl of water in her hands. She gently set it down on the ground, taking a seat on your sleeping bag as well, facing your left side.

You tugged your left sleeve down so you could free it. With your shoulder now exposed, she carefully removed the bandages that covered your shoulder and the side of your neck, revealing the red and scarred skin hidden underneath.

"How does it look?" You asked, attempting to ignore the itchy feeling of the fresh air hitting your wound.

"It's healing, slowly" she answered as she conjured the water from the bowl and molded it with her hands. She purified the liquid, causing it it glow. Slowly, she lowered it until the cool water molded over your injured skin. You clenched your teeth and whimpered at the sudden sting the contact made, but then Katara started making circular motions with her hands, beginning the healing process. The stinging pain soon morphed into a comforting cold and relieving sensation.

Katara had done this for you and Aang multiple times since the gang escaped from that wretched crystal catacomb. As much progress as your skin had made in healing, you couldn't seem to wipe the painful memories of how you'd recieved such a wound from your mind. You could remember the events so vividly it was as if they'd happened yesterday.

You were stalling, Zuko and Azula knew that, yet they didn't seem to mind. If anything, Azula enjoyed watching you struggle to give your friends more time. You needed to stall them long enough for Aang to fully enter the avatar state, that's all.

"Come on, Zuko, you know what needs to be done!" Azula coaxed.

"No! You still have a chance Zuko, you can still make this right!" You could see the conflict rising in him as you and Azula tugged at his morals.

There was a moment, a single second where his emotions betrayed him, where you could see how badly he wanted to go with you and the gang. But it was gone just as fast as it came.

"I will kill the avatar and restore my honor, as well as my rightful place beside my father!" He launched into action, sending overpowering blows your way.

He kept you distracted and unable to help your friends long enough for Azula to strike down Aang. Your head snapped towards Katara's screams and you saw him laying there, completely unconscious.

You were distracted, and Zuko impulsively took advantage, sending a blast of orange and red flames towards you.

In all honesty, he expected you to dodge it, you always did without fail. But this time you were too distracted, too concerned with Aang, and he caught you completely off guard. You didn't even realize you were being attacked until the flames painfully scorched your skin.

You let out a horrifying scream as you crumbled to your knees, your shaky hand hovering over your left shoulder as you tried to control your instinct to grab it, knowing it would only hurt worse. You clenched your teeth together, biting back tears as you whipped your head around go see Zuko.

He looked shocked, remorseful even, but that didn't stop anger from edging its way into your glare.

You shuddered at the memory and tried to shake it from your head completely.

"You're all done," Katara said, maneuvering the water back into the bowl. A dull ache returned to your wound, but it felt significantly better than before.

"Thanks, Katara," you mumbled.

"Do you need help rewrapping the bandages?"

You shook your head, preferring to be alone and do the difficult task by yourself. Katara seemed to understand, because she didn't push the issue like she usually would. Instead, she left you with a few words.

"What you said was too far tonight, you should really apologize to Zuko, he is trying you know?"

She didn't wait for a response, not that you planned on giving much of one anyway, but soon you were alone, relishing in the peaceful silence.

But your silence didn't last long, just a few minutes after Katara left there was a whispering voice just outside your tent. It was unmistakable who'd come to visit you, and with great reluctance did you let him in.

"What do you want?" you asked, annoyance filling your voice. You refused to make eye contact with the boy, opting to stare at the mess of tangled bandages in your hands.

Your question was met with silence, that only seemed to worsen your mood. Really? He invades your tent just to ignore your one question? This guy was just unbelievable!

You could feel yourself loosing your temperature once again. "I said, what do you-" Your head snapped up at Zuko, ready to tell him off. But you froze when you saw his gaze, and how it held your figure. His jaw was slack, and his eyes swam as tears pooled at his lash-line. But his eyes never met yours. No, his focus was completely on the uncovered scar that graced your left side.

Your shoulder had taken most of the impact, just shy of being completely colored with a dull red scar. But the wound didn't stop there, covering a decent portion of your shoulder blade. The red marking also stretched up in a jagged stripe, narrowing to a point on the side of your neck, just barely marking your cheek.

You hated how you shuddered under his gaze, and had to look away. Your fingers moving faster as your tried to unravel the tangled bandage. You wanted to cover the burned area as soon as possible.

"I- I did that." It wasn't a question. He spoke purely in matter-of-fact statements, he knew exactly where you'd received your mark from.

"Yeah." You said sharply, picking up the bandage and moving to re-wrap the large wound.

"I . . . I am so sorry-"

"You've said."

Re-wrapping the affected area was proving to be more difficult than you'd thought, especially in your heightened state or frustration. Usually Katara did this part, and you were starting to regret sending her away.

"Please, let me help you," Zuko pleaded, reaching a shaky hand out to grasp at the bandage in your grip. You immediately flinched away from him, the sudden movement sending a sharp pain through your left side.

"Stay away from me!" You bit at him.

Zuko immediately pulled his hand back from you, as if he'd burned you unintentionally for a second time. "I'm sorry," he impulsively spilled out.

"Would you stop saying that? Stop apologizing, nothing is going to make me- ow!" Your own pain cut your sentence short, the sharp pain returning, sending another shock wave up your side at your frustrated movements.

"I'm so- just, please, let me help you and then I'll leave you alone, I promise."

You took a moment to think about the offer, and as much as you didn't want his help, the promise for him to leave is what enticed you to agree. So reluctantly, you handed him the bandages and positioned yourself closer to him, allowing Zuko to access your wound and wrap it with ease.

With slow movements, Zuko began wrapping the burned area. His touch was suprisingly gentle, even more so than Katara's, something you hadn't thought possible. But even with his feather-like touch, your skin still twitched as his fingers and the bandages made contact with the more sensitive areas. Zuko muttered out small apologies each time you flinched, despite your earlier message to stop that. Though the skin had begun the early stages of scarring, it was still sensitive.

"Uh, d-did I ever tell you how I got my scar?" Zuko asked suddenly, not even bothering to look up from his task. You knew what he was doing, he'd been doing things like that since he got here, trying to make small talk with you to cover up the awkward tension. You usually never entertained it, but for some reason tonight you felt intrigued by his question.

"No." You answered shortly, trying your best not to show your growing interest. You'd always been curious about the scar.

"My father gave it to me," he stated, oddly calmly. It was almost mindless the way he told the story as he continued to carefully wrap up your injury. Like the memory had become second nature to tell.

"Oh," you whispered out softly, your mind buzzing with a million different ways to respond to him, yet none of them felt right.

"I spoke out of turn during a meeting, over a general. They wanted to sacrifice an entire division of fire nation soldiers to gain the advantage. But I-," He swallowed thickly. ". . . I thought that was wrong so I spoke up."

You nodded ever so slightly, letting out a soft hum, showing that you were still listening and waiting for him to continue. At this point Zuko had finished wrapping the bandages around your burn, allowing you to turn your body to face him fully.

"My father was furious with my disrepect towards the general. He said that the dispute would need to be resolved with an agni kai, and I accepted. And when the day came I thought I'd be fighting the general I interrupted, but then my father walked out, my agni kai was to be against him."

With each word you felt your heart grow heavier and ache for the boy you swore you hated. You were beginning to question whether you genuinely hated him or if what you truly felt was left over betrayal and anger.

"How old were you?" You finally asked the question that had been bouncing around your head since he began the story.

"Thirteen, not long before I was banished."

You felt yourself boil with anger, but for once it wasn't directed towards the boy in front of you. No, you were furious with the Fire Lord. Who could do that to someone? To a child. Zuko must not have noticed the way your jaw clenched and your fists tightened into balls, because he continued the story as if he hadn't just made your heart drop into your stomach with his answer.

"I didn't want to fight my father, I couldn't. But he took my refusal as another sign of disrespect. I begged for his forgiveness, but he wouldn't hear it. He claimed that I would learn my lesson through suffering. He raised his hand just in front of my face and then he-"

His voice caught in his throat with a crack as he visibly grimaced from the sheer memory of the event. Instinctively, you reached out for his hand, placing yours over top of his much larger one. Now it was his turn to flinch at the sudden contact.

"Zuko, it's okay, you don't have to tell me this, I understand-"

"No! I do! I need you to understand that I never meant to hurt you! I need you to know that the last thing I wanted was for you to feel the same pain I did. After what my father did, I never wanted to inflict that on anyone. I knew that pain and yet I still hurt you . . . the one person who actually believed I could change!"

His hands flew into the air as his frustrated yells of regret were lost to the silent night. He then exasperatedly brought his arms back down and dropped his head into the palms of his hands. His body shook as he took in deep breaths, trying his best not to shed any tears. He was just so frustrated with himself.

"I thought you would dodge it," His muffled whimpers poured out. "You always dodged it."

It was then that you realized how cold you'd been to the boy. You were so caught up in your own hurt and anger, only concerned with making him feel as horrible as you had with your hurtful words. Not once had you considered that he was already kicking himself ten times harder for the pain he'd caused you. He really hadn't meant to hurt you.

And that's when you did something unexpected. In an impulsive attempt to comfort him, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him in to a hug. His breath hitched, obviously shocked by the gesture, his body going stiff.

"I understand now, I forgive you, Zuko."

At those seven words he melted into your embrace, returning it as he wrapped his arms around your figure. His chin now rested on top of your good shoulder, as he was being extra cautious as to not press on your burns.

"And I'm sorry, for what I said about you and your uncle. He'd be proud of you."

His grip on you tighten, mumbling out a 'thank you,' in the process, finally feeling as though he could fully begin healing from all the wrong he'd done.

-

TAGLIST: @theepartygetsmewetter  

[ironwoman359]

This is probably not the best place to ask, but you’re also a Christian woman too. I was wondering what you thought about what the Bible says about women and how we must submit to husbands and some other stuff that has me (a potential ace) Christain woman kind of terrified. I would go to my church but social anxiety and my church is pretty conservative. I don’t want to think that we’re just second rate citizens with this. Um…that’s all. You don’t have to answer. Love your Tumblr. It’s one of the main ones I look at. Thanks for countless enjoyment!

— — —

(I’m responding on the submission and not the ask because the ask refused to post properly, I think it was too long for Tumblr’s fancy)

So I know you just asked for my thoughts and not a biblical interpretation lesson, but I didn’t spend 3 months writing an exegesis in college for me to never use those skills again, so buckle up for something of a long answer! (literally, this is almost 3 thousand words, so....sorry about that) *rubs hands together* The thing we need to take into consideration when reading the bible is Interpretation; any truly honest biblical scholar would tell you it is a mistake to take every word in the bible at its literal face value, ESPECIALLY since most of us are reading translations of scripture, not the original ancient hebrew/greek/aramaic/whatever else. So when interpreting scripture, we must consider these things:

Author (Who wrote it?)

Audience (Who was it written for?)

Context (What is written around it?)

So the verses you’re referencing are Ephesians 5:22-23, and in the NIV, they read as follows:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Isolated from author, audience, and context, they sound pretty sexist, don’t they? And male authority figures have used these verses as justification for the oppression of women for centuries, just as white men used the passage only a few verses away, Ephesians 6:5, as justification for the oppression and ownership of black people (Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ). So let’s look at each of the points above in regards to Ephesians 5 and 6. First, who wrote it? Sometimes that can be a tricky question to answer, but in this case, it’s actually very easy (though there is still a bit of fuzziness/debate). Traditionally, Ephesians is one of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the early church. Specifically, to the body of believers in Ephesus, a Greek city that was a part of the Roman Empire at the time. According to two different study bibles I have, the letter of Ephesians was not addressing any particular problem that the church in Ephesus had (as was often the case with Paul’s letters), but was meant as an encouragement of faith and to increase his readers’ understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Christ. So now what about the Context? Why are the verses at the end of chapter 5 and beginning of chapter 6 so damning to our modern sensibilities? To answer that, we must look at the passages both in context to the verses around them, and in historical and cultural context (which is where 1 & 2 come into play again). Going back to the beginning of chapter 4, which is subtitled “Unity in the Body of Christ” (and remember, these subtitles and groupings were come up with LONG after they were written; we grouped sections together in a way we thought was most logical, which honestly for a book as short as Ephesians I would argue is barely even necessary), we can see that the letter from chapter 4 onward is about living a Holy and Godly life. Chapter 4 urges us to be “completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love” and warns us against living “as the Gentiles* do, in the futility of their thinking.” *Gentiles in this case meaning not neccesarily all non-Jews, but non-believers. AKA, we should live like Jesus lived, WWJD and all that jazz. If the Holy Spirit is in our hearts and our relationship with God is at the forefront of our lives, then that should show clearly in our actions. The very first verse of chapter 5 reads “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Chapters 5 and 6 especially are meant to act as a sort of guide for how a follower of Christ should act. There’s some stuff about obscenity, greed, sexual impurity, 5:15 sums it up pretty well basically, “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise,” and then we reach the all important verse. Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s a full sentence, just that there. Submit to one another. The following three sections are all subsections of this point: one for Wives submitting to Husbands, one for Children submitting to Parents, and one for Slaves submitting to Masters. But when looking at all of these, bad shepherds (ie, racist, sexist assholes) like to ignore that first bit, submit to one another, just as they like to ignore 5:28, which says “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself;” or they ignore 6:4 which says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord;” and they ignore 6:9, “Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” I do highly encourage you to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in full, or at least start at 4:17, which is where Paul starts talking about “Living as Children of Light,” because it makes the intent of these apparently damning verses much more clear. Paul is stating that as Christians, we should treat everyone around us with honor and respect. According to one of my study bibles, the grammar of the original Greek suggests that the “submission” involved in all three sections is intended to be mutual submission, and is to come from a filling of the Holy Spirit. However, to be quite frank, Paul still Lived In A Society. A highly structured, patriarchal society, in which all members of a household (women, children, slaves) were expected to submit to the patriarchal head of that household. Male children until they reached adulthood, Slaves until they were freed (remember that, while by no means a purely morally good thing, the system of Roman Slavery was VASTLY DIFFERENT from the Atlantic Slave Trade that men later used this passage to justify existing), and women, unfortunately, for their whole lives. In another one of his letters, what is now the book of Galatians, Paul says in chapter 3 verse 27-29 that “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” This would have been radical at the time. Paul is promising all people of all genders and classes that, in the eyes of God, they are Equal, One, and all “sons,” meaning that they all have a right to the Inheritance of the Father (remember, at this time and in this culture women did not get any inheritance, and younger sons got significantly less than the firstborn. Paul assures the believers that they ALL are equal receivers of the Promises of God). But this equality that Paul speaks of was, in his eyes, a spiritual equality. He was not particularly concerned with overthrowing the earthly patriarchal society that subjugated women and lower classes, but rather instructed all members of that society who also were Believers to submit equally to one another out of love and respect, for they were all Equal in God’s eyes and would be Equal in heaven. This is why he both tells women to submit to and obey their husbands, but also husbands to love, cherish, and care for their wives. Children, obey your parents, but Fathers, don’t be dicks to your kids. Slaves should obey their masters (slavery was much more like a job that you weren’t allowed to quit until your boss said so) but Masters shouldn’t abuse their slaves. There are Societal Authorities, and Paul is telling his readers “look you can’t just go around not respecting those Authorities, but also hey, if you’re the Authority? That’s not a free pass to be an asshole.” As one of my study bibles puts it, “Paul counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice…this kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.” Paul is basically saying “it’s better for everyone if we all get along, and remember that Christ had a servant’s heart, and intentionally lowered himself for us, so we should do the same for each other.” And while a patriarchal class system is still super sucky for like 80% of the people involved, at least it’s a whole lot more bearable if everyone involved is being a Nice, Good Member of that Society. You mentioned being worried about being treated like a “second rate citizen.” The fact of the matter is that when this was written, women were second rate citizens; that is the context in which Paul is writing. And while I firmly believe that that was wrong, in every sense of the word, Paul wasn’t especially concerned about challenging that aspect of society. Priority one was “Spread the Gospel” and Priority two was “Don’t Get Killed while Spreading the Gospel.” Speaking of Paul, let’s talk a little more about Saul of Tarsus, shall we? In all literary analysis, it is important to examine the author’s beliefs and what biases may have made their way into the work. And while we believe the bible to be a Holy Book, it can and should be subject to the same rules of literary analysis as non-religious texts. First, you must ask yourself, what do you believe about the bible? There are four general ways of looking at it (which are called Theories of Inspiration).

The bible is the Divine Word of God, dictated word for word across centuries directly to its human authors by God Himself.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. While they are writing in their own words, this Inspiration means that the bible is Wholly Perfect with no errors.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, because they are imperfect, fallible men, there is a possibility of errors in the text, both in the account of events that happened and in the teaching therein.

The bible is a collection of accounts written by men, with no Divine Intervention from God. It is not Holy, God’s Word, or Infallible.

I was raised to believe theory 2, but now I personally believe theory 3. And since I’m the author of this analysis, it is through the lens and bias of theory 3 that I now present my next point: Paul was sexist. I don’t think he was maliciously so (see again, Galatians 3, and the statement in Ephesians 5 that men should honor, cherish, and care for their wives), but he was a product of his time who had ingrained ideas about women and their place in society. This does not A) mean he was right about how women should act OR B) mean that we should toss out everything he had to say, about women or otherwise, because he was Problematic. Most biblical authors were, in fact, Problematic. Either by our modern standards, due to the time in which they lived, OR by the standards of their own time, because God liked to use Imperfect People (we’re all imperfect, but He liked particularly imperfect people) in His plans. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul happily sent dozens of Christians to their deaths. Peter was hotheaded and super prejudiced against Gentiles and Samaritans. And most of them were, in one way or another, sexist, racist, and homophobic. These biases then found their way, intentionally or not, into their writings, and then other racist, sexist, homophobic men used those writings to justify systemic oppression of anyone who was not like them. Oppression that is not Christlike. So where does that leave us, in our 21st century application of scripture to our daily lives? We must examine how it was to be read at the time (which we have done), and then see what we can apply from it to our own lives. For myself in my marriage, I look again to the original grammar of Ephesians 5, that indicates the submission is to be mutual. I “submit” to my husband, and he “submits” to me. In other words, our relationship is built on Trust, Clear Communication, and Respect for one another. Sometimes we have to compromise, and I have to put aside my own desires for his sake, or he must set aside his own desires for my sake. It is a willingness to listen to one another, to approach conflicts with an open mind, to consider each other’s feelings before we speak. It is an equal, mutual submission based on love for each other, which doesn’t contradict what Paul says at all. God created all people to be equal. Humans are stupid sometimes and try to insist that we know better, try to create hierarchies and use the bible to try and justify that, but that doesn’t mean those humans are right. If your church is trying to make you feel less than because of your gender, or if you date somebody who pushes TradWife rhetoric and tries to use Ephesians as their justification, then you Run, and feel justified in doing so. (Especially if they also try to use Paul’s words to tell you why you owe your partner sex; see again, Paul was not only sexist but also lived in a patriarchal time when women were second class citizens that had very specific expectations placed on them AND he wasn’t even in a relationship himself, forgive me if I take his advice on my sex life with a grain of salt. Without doing this whole process again, a good modern reading of “don’t deprive one another” is “don’t use sex as a weapon in your relationship/withhold it for bs reasons when you’re mad at each other, etc. Like all other relationship things, sex (or a lack thereof) with your spouse should be based on mutual trust, communication, and love, not petty arguments or the standards of others.)

Trust me, as an ace woman myself, I totally get the fear. I’ve felt it myself, in the past. But God’s intentions for you are not that you become a doormat or servant to a man. If a romantic relationship (or any other partnership) is part of His plan for you, then the bible clearly states, both in Ephesians and elsewhere, that it should be one built on Love and Trust, not Subjugation and Servitude.

I hope this helped you, and again, sorry it was so long XD. Have an amazing day! <3

[flufffysocks]

thinking about how fatws just does a brilliant job at making you love sam as captain america.

i mean, there’s been debates and discourse about sam vs bucky getting the shield ever since endgame came out, and sooo many people weren’t totally convinced about it being given to sam (myself included - as someone who doesn’t read the comics, i felt like i just didn’t know enough about him as a character and i wasn’t as attached). and when falcon and the winter soldier was announced, we all sort of anticipated that it would finally settle that unspoken dispute between sam and bucky. except... it didn’t. because that dispute didn’t exist in universe, just within the fandom.

one of my favorite things about the mcu shows is that it gives the characters time. it provides the perfect medium for more natural character progression and exploration of who they are both with and without their suits. you can see why that was necessary with both wandavision and fatws because they both center around previously relatively unexplored characters who were far from being popular fan favorites, and if marvel was planning on bringing these supporting characters front and center in phase 4, they needed to get the audience on board. but i feel like this was especially important for sam because of the main theme that was explored in the show - that he would be a black captain america, and that was bound to spark controversy. sam is not just trying to convince the people in his world that he is truly captain america, but the people in ours. the underlying purpose of the show is to convince the audience that sam is the cap, our cap, and it does that so, so well.

i think it was really necessary for this to be a show about both sam and bucky not because it was an absolutely inevitable pairing within the universe (though i suppose it can be argued that it was), but because that is precisely the juxtaposition of characters that the audience needed to see to be convinced once and for all to believe in sam. from the characters’ first introductions, this was set up that way. sam is in full battle gear, acting like exactly the superhero he is, while bucky is first introduced in a therapy session. the implications of this are that sam is significantly more mentally prepared for taking on this role, which is something that steve (and the writers) probably took into account in choosing him to pass the shield onto. bucky, on the other hand, is currently dealing with severe ptsd and has only just begun a long journey of recovery.

almost immediately after, we’re introduced to sam’s family and his home town. we’re shown that he has roots and a real reason to fight on behalf of his country. bucky, on the other hand, has no one at this point. he’s lost the only person left from his old life and has a tenuous relationship at best with sam. he’s still figuring out his place in this new world.

you also notice through the difference in their fighting styles how much more suited sam is to taking on the moral weight of being cap. bucky fights very aggressively, diving fists first into any battle, while sam is much more careful, calculated, and creative in his attacks. you can see the way he utilizes all his tools and his surroundings to minimize damage while still keeping the upper hand of the fight. and, of course, there’s the obvious fact that he tries to avoid fights wherever possible (his initial conversation with carleigh that was going SO WELL until walker screwed it up, his efforts to talk down and reason with walker at the beginning of episode 5, him saying “i don’t want to fight you” to carleigh in their final battle).

there’s all these little things of subtext and soft characterization that build up and slowly register in your brain until, and you don’t even realize it when it happens, sam wilson is synonymous with captain america in your mind.

tl;dr: falcon and the winter soldier’s characterization and character development was really well written and sam wilson is absolutely my captain america i love him so much.

[jjkyaoi]

hey besties i’m thinking about c!quackity again, so take this post. which is just me rambling abt him for an extended amount of time to the point where it’s almost concerning but that’s not the point just take the post

- quackity’s character, to me at least, is probably one of the most complex? like, it doesn’t seem that way to most ppl, because in the beginning he was the comedic relief character: back in the manberg era he was just joking around, laughing with the ppl of manberg and never taking anything too seriously? he was the life of the party, he was schlatt’s right vice that was basically just there for the fun of it more than anything, you could say. but. quickly, after the festival, he began to realize that things weren’t all fun & games. that the person he’d run with — the person who was in control of the nation, the person who’d he’d laughed and had fun with and bickered with wasn’t safe to run the nation anymore, wasn’t a good president and furthermore, wasn’t a good person. & you could say c!quackity isn’t the most morally set person, you could say that he isnt the best person & that he’s an antagonist, but he saw that c!schlatt wasn’t a good person, and he stood his ground and left him in the dust and went to go fight with the ppl who was actively mocking — who he was enemies of before, and that’s when his arc really started. take this with a grain of salt, because it’s something ppl believe & it’s something ppl don’t believe; but the fight that schlatt and quackity had? their relationship in general? it wasn’t healthy. during the fight c!schlatt was actively berating him for getting upset with him/berating him in general, talking to him in a mocking tone of voice, saying “oh, are you gonna cry?” and yelling at him in chat even when he was already lone gone from manberg — they weren’t friends. their relationship wasn’t healthy, from any way you look at it, especially considering the way you notice how c!quackity was still subtlety shaken up about the interaction when he was interacting with tommy afterwards. quackity, in that arc, also revealed that he hadn’t ever run for president of l’manberg for some sort of power trip: he revealed that it’s because he’s cared about l’manberg, and simply didn’t see wilbur as a fit ruler/wanted the best for l’manberg, & that’s why he went up against him because he thought he could give l’manberg the best; he’s cared about the country since the beginning, whether you like to believe it or not, and it makes it all the more heartbreaking that the man he’d thought was going to make l’manberg better — the man he entrusted to make l’manberg better just turned out to be worse than the ppl who they kicked out in the first place. in that arc i think c!quackity still cared about tommy and wilbur, to some degree, even though he actively mocked them behind their backs in manberg, and i honestly do think he thought manberg was what was best for what l’manberg once was and only left once those rose tinted glasses where taken from him — or, furthermore, once he saw how awful of a person c!schlatt really was.

- c!quackity is a person who cares deeply for his friends. he’s always quick to jump to their defense if & when he believes they’re being wronged in some way —the way he was outwardly outraged at c!tommy being exiled— and he’s willing to stick by their side, but also, what makes him an interesting character is that when he has a goal in mind, that care sort of takes a back seat and what takes the forefront in his mind is accomplishing his goal. he had a friendly relationship with c!tommy before the election arc, but he saw, in his mind that l’manberg wasn’t fit under wilbur’s reign and ran against them; an example of showing care, but also looking more at the grand scheme of things/caring more about his goal if it’s something he really wants to achieve. c!quackity is a incredibly stubborn & determined character, and if he wants something he’s going to get it, and he’s going to get it no matter what, which is both a strength and a weakness. it’s a strength because it makes him strong; it’s a strength because it makes him a worthy opponent, however. it’s a weakness because he gets sort of,,, tunnel vision,,,? whenever he wants to accomplish that goal? he pushes everything to the side when it comes to that goal, and that includes relationships with others. he was willing to have karl lose a canon life in order for their plan against eret to work. it’s something that could be detrimental to the safety of his friends/his relationship with his friends, and it’s detrimental to the safety of himself. another example is him guilt tripping sam in order for him to let him into the prison. another example is him putting an extreme amount of pressure onto c!tubbo’s shoulders/forcing him around during the butcher army to do what he wanted.

- c!quackity is good with his words. he’s funny, he’s charismatic, but also he’s extremely intelligently smart. he was able to go up against c!dream in a debate and even got him frustrated him enough that he felt the need to private message him with a warning. ppl tend to underestimate quackity because he isn’t that physically strong, he doesn’t have much when it comes to armor, but what he does have his words. he’s a cunning little shit (affectionate). in the butcher army he was able to come up with this plan against techno and was able to get the others to bend to his will petty easily, and during el rapids time against eret he was able to come up with a plan that would’ve worked perfectly fine if his friends weren’t all dumb idiots (affectionate). he’s a natural leader, because he’s got the brains to plan ahead and he’s got the charisma to execute that plan to a pretty good degree, and it’s even better because, once again, he’s willing to go to any length — pull out all the stops in order for his plan to work. he’s a mastermind, and he’s dangerous in a way where he’s unpredictable because you don’t know what he’ll do in order to get what he wants. and, glances at everything he’s doing to c!dream in canon to get what he wants, there’s clearly nothing stopping him in canon at this point in time. also considering the fact that he’s stripped everything that would be attachment/that would stop him from achieving his goal from him. glances down at him tearing down el rapids.

- c!quackity would be a very, very good antagonist to have because he’s always been a sort of cunning person that’s been on the morally gray side since the beginning, but now? now that we’ve seen how far he’s willing to go — now that we’ve seen the sort of,,,, dark path he’s fallen down since everything, the plan he has in mind? the fact that he’s going to revive fucking schlatt of all people once he gets what he wants? casino man by beloved; what fucked up shit r u gonna do. i am so ready for it.

- tldr: c!quackity is a super interesting character and he deserves to be fucked up and evil. as a treat <33

[chokemeanakin]

Misunderstandings - Anakin x fem Reader (angst +fluff)

Masterlist

Thank you for the request @artiza-n ! 💕

Wc: 6.4k

Summary: Anakin and reader get sent to Naboo to guard Padme and Clovis during a debate and some misunderstandings ensue. Mostly jealous angst, some fluff at the end— happy ending bc we all need that right now.

Gif from @swprequels​

“I still don’t understand why they need both of us,” you grumble, rubbing sleep out of your eyes as you walk out of the cruiser. The day is hot on Naboo, but grey and cloudy with a promise of rain later. The humidity makes your skin sticky, worsening your irritation.

“Think of it as a vacation,” Anakin pulls the luggage from the transport cubby, setting it on the ground beside him. “You watch over Clovis, and I’ll handle Padme. It should be a breeze.”

“Exactly. Which is why I don’t understand why they need both of us.”

You had just gotten back from a long and grueling siege on Pontoon, another one of those vast, endless desert planets in the Outer Rims. You’d really much rather be sitting in front of an air cooler right now, resting your tired bones and trying to forget the taste of sand.

“These are two very important Senators, Y/n,” Anakin waved off your attempt to help him with the luggage. “If anything happens to them at this debate, the Senate will lose important advocates for peace and the end of this war.”

You knew this, of course you did. Not that you’d completely agree with his statement-- Clovis always seemed a little shady to you, his morals seemingly scattered all over the place. You guessed that’s why the Council sent you, a simple marksman, to guard Clovis while the beloved freedom-fighter Padme Amidala got the most powerful Jedi to ever exist. 

“Besides,” said Jedi nudged you, lips curling into a teasing smile. “Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

Of course you do. Between the war and separate guild or Council missions you’d both been sent on, neither of you had time to even breathe in the others’ direction for months. The only reason the Council was able to wrangle you onto this cruiser was because Anakin was going to be there. Not that you’d even be able to spend much time with him during the day, although you were aware that you’d be sharing a room in between the Senators you’d be protecting at night…

You and Anakin meet the Senators at the hull of the ship. They walk down the ramp side by side, heads held high and hands clasped in front of them. Their movements are smooth, like they’re gliding on water, and the heat doesn’t seem to bother either of them.

“Master Skywalker. Y/n. Thank you so much for being here, it is so courageous of the both of you to be looking out for us,” Padme stands before you, beautiful as ever in one of her many extravagant, expensive gowns. The headpiece woven through her hair sparkles in the midday light, the warmth of her eyes capturing the rays of the brilliant sun. “However, I must say that I hope your services are not needed. I’d much rather this debate go by smoothly than have any dangerous interruptions.”

“I can assure you, we’ll take care of any problems before they arrive. Leave the dirty work up to us,” Anakin returns her smile, charming as ever. 

Anakin shoots you a glance and then follows her away, carrying multiple bags of luggage in each arm as Padme shows him where to put it. For such a small woman, she seemed to pack heavy. Unfortunately, this leaves you and Clovis to stand alone together, an awkward stillness settling before you.

“Um, Anakin has your luggage,” you yawn into your arm, gesturing to his receding form with the other. “I’m Y/n, and I’ll be your bodyguard for this debate.”

“You?” Clovis doesn’t smile, instead he scans you up and down with hawkish eyes. “You’re such a small thing. What could you possibly be able to do to protect me?”

It’s not said unkindly, but it still irks you. Your eyes narrow and you bite back a nasty retaliation for the sake of diplomacy. “You’ll find I’m pretty good with a blaster. The best, actually, according to the Jedi Council. That’s why they have me work with the Generals in the war.”

“Are you a General yourself?” Clovis begins to walk, heading toward the senate building. You follow at his side.

“Not exactly. They offered me the title, but I declined. I’m more of a freelancer, and once the war ends, I’ll go back to taking odd jobs. Besides, there’s no use in having an army if I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Humble. That’s admirable,” Clovis’s mouth tilts into something of a smile. “I, myself, could never turn down an army. Or the status, for that matter. You could be holding a lot of power if you pushed your way with the Jedi Council, you know.”

“My way?” you questioned. “I just told you, I don’t have a way--”

“And that’s your flaw,” he mused, chin still pointed up, never quite looking at you. “How curious-- your Jedi counterpart seems to have stolen all the ambition.” 

You roll your eyes. You never had a thirst for power, or status, or influence, or any of that. Your power came from behind a blaster, when your focus was trained on a single target and your finger was glued to the trigger. One simple twitch of a muscle, and you could end a life from miles away. That was your power, and it was all you needed.

He is right about Anakin, you have to admit. He was always looking to be better, not just for himself, but for the good of others. You love that about it, in fact it’s one of your favorite qualities about him. Sometimes, though, you wished he could see that he didn’t have to try so hard all the time to believe he was enough.

The blast of cold air that hits you as you enter the senate building wrenches you out of your thoughts. It whisks away the perspiration that had built up on your skin, cooling your body and calming your mood almost magically. The sounds of your collective footsteps tap along the glossy marble floor, echoing throughout the empty chamber.

“Aren’t you going to ask what we’re doing here?” Clovis leans against his podium, marked with a nametag spelling his name. Next to him is your seat, and on Clovis’s other side is Padme, followed by Anakin on the end. A cold dread fills your veins, just now realizing how boring tonight’s debate is going to be.

You sigh inwardly, tracing the engravings of your nametag with the tip of your finger. “My job isn’t to ask questions, it’s to observe.” 

“Well, observe away,” he pushes himself off the podium. “Although I don’t think it will be very entertaining.”

He’s right. You sit in your seat, legs crossed on top of your podium as you inspect your nails. It’s been three hours since you’ve arrived, the sun is setting, and all Clovis has done is stroll around the debate room, muttering to himself and pondering through his position. You’re bored out of your mind. Pulling out your holocom, you wonder if Anakin’s situation is any better.

“Y/n?” he picks up a long moment after you send the call, and his face projects blue before you. It’s loud where he is, and his eyes are looking at something else.

“Where are you?” you question. He sounds like he’s a party, but you know that can’t be true. “Where’s Padme?”

“She’s with me,” Anakin tilts his head, signalling that she’s sitting in front of him. “We’re at a restaurant getting dinner. I was just going to ask-- did you and Clovis go somewhere to eat yet?”

You drop your legs from the podium and lean in close to the com, speaking quiet so Clovis can’t hear. “No, he’s barely said a word to me since we got here. He’s been walking around the debate room all afternoon, just talking to himself.”

“You think he’s nervous for tonight?”

“Maybe,” you spare a glance at him. He’s staring at the domed ceiling, as if he’s counting the pillars coming out of it. “Or maybe he’s just psycho.”

“Oh, Clovis knows what he’s doing,” a femine voice interjects. Anakin’s eyes shoot forward again, immediately smiling as Padme speaks. “His pre-debate ritual is long and gruelling-- I should have warned you. He’s simply getting into his headspace, that’s all.”

“How long does it usually take?” you mumble.

“It shouldn’t be much longer. Make sure he eats beforehand, otherwise he’ll be crabby during the debate. And trust me, you don’t want to have to handle a crabby Clovis.”

Both Padme and Anakin laugh at this, and you force yourself to smile along. “Yeah, I’ll go see what he’s up to now.”

“Good,” Anakin says, momentarily drowned out by an uproar of cheers behind him. “We should get going, too. Padme needs to get dressed for the debate. See you soon.”

Anakin ends the call, and you’re left wondering how exactly the topic of dressing Padme came up. 

Shoving down your irritation and self-pity, you pocket your com and stand from your seat. Clovis’s head whips toward you like you had pulled a blaster on him.

“What?”

“It’s getting late,” you stretch your arms over your head, working out the kinks and aches from sitting so long. “I was wondering if you were hungry at all.”

“I can’t eat before a debate,” Clovis looks almost angry for a second, and then he glances down at his watch. His expression smooths into one of urgency. “Ah, we should head to the apartments. It’s time to get ready.”

The night is still warm, and the sidewalk drips with a rainstorm that you missed while you were in the senate building. The fresh air is nice, though, and you breathe in the smell of sweet flowers and savory restaurant food. The grumble in your stomach is hard to ignore, but you know you’ll manage.

Clovis leads you all the way to his suite, the temporary apartment that sits in conjunction with yours and Anakin’s, and Padme’s on the other side. Staying in this apartment complex made more sense rather than finding separate housing units, as keeping everyone together would aid in ensuring their safety.

Padme’s mansion would have been a nice stay, you think, but these apartment sweets are also quite luxurious. You walk into the master bedroom to find a formal, dark blue gown laid out for you on the bed. Next to it is a rumpled space where you assume Anakin’s suit had been, but instead there’s a note and a box.

Padme wanted to get to the senate building early, so we’re probably going to just miss you. Too bad, I won’t get to help you into this sexy blue dress. Maybe I can help you out of it later.

You laugh softly, smoothing your thumb over the inked-on smiley face before finishing the note.

I’m not sure if you had time to get anything to eat, so I got you something while we were out. See you soon.

A

You don’t need an “I love you” scrawled into the paper in order to know he wanted to add it. That would have been too risky, and there was no way you’d be able to make an excuse if anyone were to find it. Still, you rip up the note and throw it in the trash before opening the box underneath. Your nose is instantly filled with the smell of food, still warm, and you sit next to the blue dress, digging in unceremoniously.

You scarf down as much of the food as you can and then store the rest in the fridge before getting to work on making yourself presentable. You have to look put together, yet not so much that you stand out. You slip a couple of silver clasps into your hair and do your makeup, opting for a bold lip color because you don’t have much time to do anything fancy with your eyes. You’re running short on time-- you know this because of the knock on your door, and then the irritated sound of Clovis:

“Y/n, we have to leave now or we’re going to be late. You know how bad it would be to arrive late to this event?”

You stand in front of the mirror, desperately reaching behind you to grasp at the zipper of your dress. It would be so much easier if Anakin was here to reach it for you, but you make due and quickly pull it up. The dress is form-fitting and flows down into a puddle around your feet. A bit long, as you opted not to wear heels in case something went awry, so you bunch the skirt up in your fists and jog to the door.

“My apologies,” you open the door to find Clovis, now dressed in a pristine black and white suit with his hair gelled back. “I was making sure I had my equipment all in order.”

Clovis ignores your excuse, eyes instantly moving to take in your figure. You could swear they blow open wide for a fraction of a second before he composes himself, clearing his throat and masking his approval with his usual grim expression.

“You clean up quite elegantly. Now, we should head to the lobby, the limousine is waiting for us.”

…

You’re not sure what the point of a limousine is, as the walk from the apartment buildings to the senate building is 10 minutes tops. Probably for formalities, you decide, as Clovis helps you out of the vehicle. The building that had been vacant only a couple hours earlier is now swarming with Senators, all dressed in lavish, extravagant gowns. Everyone is holding a flute of some sort of drink, and they congregate in small groups, making small talk before the debate starts. 

Clovis wastes no time with socializing, and beelines for his seat.

You hang back, searching the crowd for Anakin. Without heels, many people tower over you and it’s hard to focus with the deafening sound of chatter filling your ears. But you’re trained for this, have spent your whole life blocking out the unnecessary, so you hone into your patience and scan the crowd closer. 

There.

You’d recognize that head of golden-brown curls anywhere, even if it was tamed down for this event. He’s standing tall among the Senators, eyes gleaming bright as he engages a whole crowd of them in some wily story. He and Padme look at each other and laugh, his hand on her shoulder and her hand finding his waist. Your blood suddenly turns hot, and you push your way through the crowd to make it to them.

If you could, you would march right up and pull him away from all those greedy stares. They’re practically drooling all over him, and Padme’s hand is still on his waist. But you know better-- you can’t let anyone know you and Anakin are familiar, so you stand at the edge of the crowd, meeting Anakin’s eye.

You glare at his face, then at Padme’s hand, then back to him. His eyes narrow into a warning, extremely fleeting, and then he continues on charming the crowd. You know what he wanted to say-- it means nothing. It doesn’t stop the heat from blossoming in the pit of your stomach, the irritated glare you shoot Padme before looking down.

Way to stay under the radar, you think, slipping away from the crowd and deciding it’s better to keep your eyes on Clovis than get angry over a move on your boyfriend that was probably innocent. 

Clovis is sitting at his seat, still as stone, surveying the crowd before him.

“You nervous?” you take your seat beside him.

“Not at all.”

“Good. You’ve been preparing all afternoon, I think it’d be ridiculous if you still doubted yourself.”

“You… have faith in me.”

“Of course,” your eyes softened at the vulnerability in his statement. “You’re a powerful Senator.”

He huffed, the crack in his green eyes immediately cementing over. “I know.”

And, there he is. Back to being gruff and dismissive. 

It’s quiet for a moment longer, but you’re okay with that. Small talk is not an interest of yours either, and you’d much rather sip on the flute of drink that a servant had given you than join the crowd on the floor. 

Unfortunately, you have trouble wrenching your eyes away from Padme and Anakin, who are still surrounded by drooling Senators. Padme looks like an angel, dressed in a floor length gown spun out of gold thread that you’re pretty sure came directly from the sun. It shimmers and sparkles as she moves, standing out like a beacon of light among the rest of the room. She is radiant, with a matching headpiece that glitters like a chandelier, the jewels braided in and out of her chocolate curls. Even her makeup is minimal yet blindingly beautiful, with a gold shimmer staining her eyelids and cheekbones that reflect the warmth of her topaz eyes.

“She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” Clovis murmurs next to you, so quiet you almost don’t hear it.

“Who? Padme?”

“I believe she’s taking quite a liking to the Jedi.”

Heat sparks in your blood again. The fact that even Clovis notices how handsy Padme is being… then again, it’s a known fact that Clovis and Padme have a history, and he could just be reading too far into things out of jealousy.

“You shouldn’t call him that,” you choose to ignore his concerns. “Anyone could be listening.”

“You see that smile? That’s the smile she only ever gave me. I wonder if she even knows she’s doing it…”

“Clovis, Anakin isn’t allowed to form attachments. You have nothing to worry about.”

“It’s not him that bothers me,” he admits. “It’s her. Look. Look at the way she leans into him when she laughs.”

You take his advice and… now that he says it, she does get a little too close for your liking. Every time Anakin finishes a punchline, the crowd erupts in laughter and Padme joins in, bracing herself by gripping onto his arms and grinning into his neck. He catches her, ever the gentlemen, but he’s smiling too.

It’s a little more than innocent, and you can’t tell who’s fault it is. But that doesn’t help the jealousy steadily rising in your chest.

“The debate should be starting soon,” is all you say, leaning back in your seat and scowling into your flute of drink.

The only thing keeping you rooted to the seat instead of launching out of your chair to rip Padme away from Anakin by the hair was the fact that you know you’re the one who’s going to be sharing a bed with him tonight-- not her. 

You’re just hoping he even makes it back to your bed. Or will poor Padme need help with something else that requires Anakin’s doting attention?

A bell rings just on time, signaling for the Senators to take their seats. Anakin leads Padme over, arms hooked around each other, and she smiles at you as she approaches.

“Y/n, you look wonderful,” she whispers, and then slides into the seat between Clovis and Anakin.

Your cheeks burn in shame. How can you harbor such awful feelings toward her when she was so sweet? But the anger is worsened by the compliment she had just given you-- it’s one thing to be drop-dead stunning, why does she have to be so kind, too? What are you to compare? 

After tonight, Anakin’s probably going to think you are so difficult-- always complaining, always tired, never as pretty or gentle or kind. You don’t have a laugh that twinkles like wind-chimes, or eyes that reflect the light like soft glowing pools of honey. If she is the sun, you are just a cold, hard, chunk of ashen moonrock.

The debate goes on for an eternity. You zone out for a lot of it, stewing in your anger and drowning in self-deprecating thoughts. A few times you’re brought to the brink of tears before you remind yourself you’re here on a mission, and throw yourself into scanning every nook and cranny for something that could be amiss. Eventually, a break is ordered.

Senators begin to rise from their podiums to stretch their legs, including Padme. She tells Anakin she’s going to the washroom, and your eyes zero in on the fingers lingering on his arm as she leaves. You stand as well, meaning to walk a little and stretch your legs, and Anakin follows you.

“Padme’s right,” he catches up to you easily. “You do look wonderful. Blue really is your color.”

You stop by the open window, breathing in the fresh air as you search his eyes for truth. Does he truly mean it? Does he look at you with that same light he had looked at Padme with? Or is he only saying it because he has to? Because he’s used to complimenting you because you’re his girlfriend?

“What? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” you lower your gaze, picking at the marble stone engravings of the windowsill. 

“Y/n,” Anakin lowers his voice. He’s concerned now, picking up on how upset you are. “I said you look beautiful. What’s the problem?” “No, you said I look wonderful. It’s different than beautiful.” You mean to leave it there, but  can’t help but add, grumbling under your breath, “Padme looks beautiful.”

It’s immature. You know it as soon as you say it, but for some reason you can’t stop yourself. You just want Anakin to take more notice of how strong Padme’s coming on to him, to assure you that it means nothing. You know it means nothing, but you still need that confirmation.

“She does,” he says, and your heart drops. You look up at him, and he’s staring back with an intensity you can’t decipher. “She’s a Senator, Y/n, this is her debate. Of course she has to look beautiful.”

“She’s more beautiful,” the words fall from your lips and taste like poison.

“What’s this about?” Anakin’s voice is dripping in irritation. Once hearing it himself, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them, he speaks again in a softer tone. “Why are you comparing yourself to Padme?”

Gah, even the sound of her name coming from his mouth is like nails on a chalkboard. But you decide to do the first smart thing you have all evening, and take a lesson from him. You breathe deeply and bite down on your anger before answering.

“I’m not trying to,” you admit, eyes falling from his face to trace the exposed skin of his neck. “I just-- she’s flirting with you.”

“It’s harmless.”

“I-- I know. But…”

“It still bothers you. You’re jealous.”

“I have nothing to be jealous about,” even saying this, you can hear the lie in your voice. You repeat the statement, more to yourself, trying to believe it. He’s yours-- for now. He could just as easily be Padme’s. What if he wants to be Padme’s? 

“Look,” Anakin takes another grounding breath, then fits a finger beneath your chin, tilting it up to look at him. “I can see you’re trying to think rationally, so I’m not going to tell you that you’re being ridiculous. But… you’re being ridiculous.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“You have to understand, I do not like Padme like you’re thinking. I--” he cuts himself off, eyes flitting around the room before leaning in close to whisper in your ear. “I love you.”

Goosebumps erupt all over your skin, making you shiver. His lips ghosting over your ear, the whispered promise of his devotion to you… suddenly, you feel very stupid.

“Okay,” you accept, and the bells ring again, signalling everyone to take their seats. You head on over with him, but not before putting as much heart into your next words. “I’m sorry for getting jealous.”

“It’s okay,” he gives you the first warm smile of the night, smoothing your hair down quickly before breaking off to take his own seat.

You sit next to Clovis, considerably calmer, replaying Anakin’s whispered “I love you” over and over in your head, the touch of his gentle hand in your hair. There was no need to make such a fuss, and honestly you were upset with yourself for ruining the night. You decide to make another smart decision for the night, and push away all of the negative thoughts to the deepest corner of your mind. No more, not tonight-- instead, you would focus on a way to make it up to him for being so ridiculous, and to thank him for being so patient with you.

It’s as you’re planning the rest of your night out, that you see Clovis’s knee bouncing under the podium. You know his time to speak is coming up soon, and his actions betray his mind. He’s such a liar. He is nervous.

“You’ve got this,” you tell him, reaching onto the podium to give his hand a squeeze. His palms are clammy, and he looks at you like you’ve struck him.

“I know I do,” he spits, but doesn’t move his hand from underneath yours. “It’s just pre-performance jitters.”

His next words are so quiet, you almost don’t catch them.

“It doesn’t help that I have two gorgeous women sitting next to me to witness this all.”

Now it’s your turn to look like you’ve been struck. You know he means for you to hear it, otherwise he wouldn’t have said it. Anakin seems to be thinking the same thing, as you can see him give Clovis a sidelong glance just as Padme takes the seat between them again.

“I-- um… we’re rooting for you,” you fumble. “No need to get nervous now.”

Clovis blows out a long breath, and then covers your hand that’s squeezing his palm with his other. “Thank you, Y/n. You’ve truly been so patient and accommodating this whole night. I must find a way to pay you back afterwards.”

“Oh, there’s no need--” your words are cut off as the delegates call for order, and then the debate resumes. You don’t miss the way Anakin’s back stiffens in his seat.

Clovis works up a nervous sweat in the minutes leading up to his speech, but when he gets up, he delivers it without a flaw. Everyone claps, and then Padme goes. You clap along once she’s finished, trying not to calculate if Anakin is clapping harder or faster for her than anyone else. He’s not… but you just had to be sure.

There never seemed to be any threat for the entire night, except for one instance. A young man stood by the door, eyes shifting around for a moment too long to be casual, and Clovis seemed to notice as well. 

“Where, exactly, is that equipment you were speaking of earlier?”

“There’s a strap on my thigh, and it holds my blaster to it. Look,” you pull your skirt back to reveal your leg up to your thigh, where the tip of your blaster peaks out. “See, nothing to worry about.”

It doesn’t even cross your mind that Anakin would notice, or that he’d even mind.

Finally, the debate ends, and the senate room is dismissed. You let out a long breath, ready to just get out of this dress and relax in the suite with Anakin now. However, you stand to leave your seat but Clovis is in your way.

“Y/n, like I said before… I must show my gratitude for your services. Please, let me buy you dinner.”

“Oh-- Oh geez… um.... I can’t,” your eyes flit from Clovis to Anakin, who’s standing behind him. He’s got his back turned, bidding farewell to the new friends he made, but you know for sure that he’s listening. “I really need to go to bed, we’re leaving early in the morning.”

“You can come to my suite, we can order room service. They’re right next to each other… besides, you can always just stay over at mine for the night. There’s room.”

That tone. Those eyes. You know what he’s insinuating, and it sure as hell isn’t just dinner. 

“Clovis, I’d love to, but I really can’t.”

“Oh. Okay.”

The green cracks of his eyes are hardening again, the soft daisies growing from them being wrenched out in clenched fists and stomped under a boot. You want to stop them from freezing over in that insufferable ice again, and decide it might be nice to humor him for a job well done tonight. After all, he was a lot kinder to you than you thought he’d ever be, and part of you likes being one of the few people on his good side.

“How about I walk back with you to the apartments? We can do that much.”

Clovis smiles, and holds out an arm. “I’ll take it.”

As Clovis escorts you out of the debate room, you turn to look back at Anakin. He’s ushering Padme out of the crowds, staring after you as you leave. He doesn’t smile, or wave, or do anything really. Except look angry. 

A sudden ball of nervousness forms in the pit of your stomach. Oh no. Offering to do this was a mistake, that much is becoming clear with every step you take with Clovis latched onto your arm. You can feel Anakin’s eyes burning into your back the entire way out of the senate building, until you’re on the streets of Naboo and he’s off in a limousine with Padme. 

Of course he’s going to be angry at you now. You were mad at him for allowing Padme to flirt with him, and now he’s going to think you’re making a move on Clovis to get back at him for it. Even though that’s not at all what’s happening… Oh how the tables have turned. 

You’re jittery the whole walk back. Clovis tries to make conversation, but you only offer him short, clipped answers. Really, you should have shut down his advances in the debate room. No matter that you pitied him for being rejected by Padme and yourself, you should have said no. You didn’t owe him anything. But here you are, and now you are going to suffer the consequences from Anakin when you get back to your room.

“Are you sure you can’t stop in? Not even just for a drink?” Clovis asks as you make it to the top of the stairs. You turn the corner, and Anakin is leaning against your apartment door, arms crossed, clearly waiting for you. 

“Uhh,” you unwind your arm from around Clovis’s. “I really can’t. Sorry.”

Clovis follows your gaze, and sees Anakin. His tone turns steely. “Is it because of that Jedi?”

“No, oh my-- no!” you feign the most incredulous expression you can, nerves growing more frenzied as you grow closer to your apartment door. “I really am just so tired. Please Clovis, I have to go.”

“Y/n, it doesn’t have to be like this--”

“You’re right,” a deep voice cuts in. “It doesn’t.” 

Anakin takes the arm that Clovis refused to let go of, and slips it out of his grasp. Thankfully, for Clovis’s sake, he lets him. Anakin pushes you behind him and stands before Clovis, towering over him by a couple inches. 

“It was a pleasure serving you and Senator Amidala. Hopefully we can work together again soon. Have a good night”

Each word that comes from his lips are dripping with venom. Clovis grows red in the face, and you can tell he’s trying hard not to retaliate. In the end, he decides to turn and stalk back to his own apartment door. 

Once it slams shut, Anakin turns to you. You meet his eyes with the most innocent expression you can put on.

“None of that,” he hisses, and steps past you to walk into the apartment.

“Oh, come on!” you follow close behind, closing the door and jogging to catch up with him. He’s standing before the bed, roughly loosening his tie. “Anakin, please don’t be mad. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Really? How am I supposed to believe that after what happened earlier?”

“Yes, okay, I admit I was jealous of you and Padme. But I got over it! I swear I wasn’t trying to get you back for it, I promise. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Anakin pulls the buttons off his shirt so hard, you’re afraid they might break. Suddenly, he is shirtless, and so very mad, and so very tall… and muscular… and… wow…

“You can’t even look me in the eye when you say that,” he argues, stopping to stand before you. You wrench your eyes away from his toned midriff and meet his eyes, which are blazing with hurt and anger. A warmth is rising in your veins-- a different kind than earlier-- but it’s beat out with something stronger. Guilt.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him, trying so desperately to ignore the heat that’s radiating off his chest. “I really am. Clovis was just… kinder than I expected him to be--”

“Was he? Was he kind when he had you sit in silence all afternoon in the senate building? Was he kind when he refused to let you eat? When he guilt-tripped you into spending time with him?”

“That’s not exactly what happened,” you cross your arms and size him up. “And you’re not totally innocent either, you know.”

“Really?” Anakin cocks an eyebrow at you, sitting down on the bed roughly. He leans back on his arms, daring you to continue.

“You let Padme flirt with you, and you never told her to stop. You could have set some boundaries, told her to back off a little...”

“And you could have told me you were leaving with Clovis before gathering your skirts and skipping away,” Anakin bites back. 

“I wasn’t planning to! Anakin, please, both of us made mistakes tonight. Can we just agree on that?”

He frowns, eyes flickering over your still-dressed form. He motions for you to come closer and turn around, so you do. Gentle fingers work at the zip on your back, dragging it down to free you from the constraints. You remember the note he wrote from earlier, how he couldn’t wait to take the dress off of you, and grow disappointed at how the night had gone. This was not the context you had been expecting. 

The way his hands linger on your waist, you know he’s thinking the same thing.

“Okay. We both made mistakes.” You feel his soft curls against the bare skin of your back as rests his forehead against you. You hold your dress up in the front so as not to expose yourself. “I’m sorry for letting Padme flirt with me. I should have put an end to it-- I know it hurt you to watch.”

“It did,” you whisper. “But I’m also sorry. For getting so jealous even though you never accepted her advances, and for making it seem like I was trying to get revenge. It wasn’t my intention.”

A soft “it’s okay” is kissed into your back. His hands grip your waist, turning you in his grasp. He’s looking up at you now, hair mussed up and eyes wary. “You good?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

What were you guys doing? At the end of the day, it’s you and him. Padme is out of the picture, and so is Clovis. Everything is alright, and that fuss you both put up throughout the night was virtually pointless.

Looking into his eyes, the ones you love so much and could never picture yourself ever parting from, suddenly this whole thing seems elementary. How terrible, disastrous, and ironic this night turned out. Replaying the events in your head, you find a smile begin to crack at your lips. Anakin can’t keep a straight face either, the ridiculousness of it all beginning to catch up with you both. You begin to laugh, and he follows, burying his head in your stomach as you hug around his neck.

“We must be back in training school,” you giggle, feeling his shoulders shake beneath you. “How pathetic of us.”

“Ahh,” he groans, suddenly wrenching you off your feet and onto the bed on top of him. He nuzzles his face into your neck, pulling you as close to him as possible. “Let’s just forget this night ever happened. It was dreadful and embarrassing.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I was never even here.”

“Me neither,” he presses a line of warm kisses down your neck, stopping at the strap of your dress. “Let’s get this off. Do you still have your blaster on you?”

You pat the metal strapped onto your thigh. “Locked and loaded.”

“Well, gee, thanks for telling me. I definitely didn’t want to get my head blown off.”

“Safety’s on, wisecrack,” you help him shrug your dress off, kicking it from your legs and off the end of the bed. You unclasp the band from around your thigh and distribute the blaster onto the nightstand. 

“I’m the wisecrack,” you don’t miss the way Anakin’s voice deepens, attention suddenly captured by the bare skin of your body beneath him. His eyes follow the path his fingers are tracing up your leg. “Careful, or I’ll have to report that to the Council.”

“For what? Being right?”

“For creating conflict of interest on the job,” his fingers skim the soft flesh of your upper thighs, tickling their way past the curve of your hips, the dip of your waist, up and up and up… “It’s terribly naughty of you.”

His words are teasing and corny, but somehow the deeper insinuation of them still cause your cheeks to burn red. 

“Anakin,” your voice is hoarse, causing your blush to deepen. His long fingers cup your chin, keeping your lips ghost over his as his other hand pulls the silver clasps from your hair. “I need a shower.”

“I can meet you in there?”

You clutch at his shoulders, bringing him forward to close that gap between your lips. His mouth is warm against yours, pliant and soft and generous. It’s everything you’ve been yearning for all night, all this time you’ve been apart. The smell of him, taste of him, feel of him— you could never get enough. 

“I’ll save you a spot.” 

[allyouneedisbuck]

Sole Survivor -> III

summary -> days nineteen through twenty-three; confessions, secrets, more immunity idols, and wavering trust.

words -> 5.0k

warnings -> survivor typical wording (immunity idol, idols, tribal council) cursing, mention of past steve x reader

notes -> we find out a little more about steve & reader, the beginning of the merge (i’m so excited!!!) & trust is crumbling.

series masterlist here

— ➶ —

PREVIOUS <- CHAPTER III • OUTLAST -> NEXT

— ➶ —

Day Nineteen

Bucky won’t talk to you.

You’re unsure if it’s because of what you had said or because he’s just giving you space, but the tension between you two is palpable.

And for some reason, you hate it.

You’re not used to this feeling of regret, especially within the game of Survivor. Your motto had always been there are no regrets in this game, you hold your head high and live with how you’ve played.

Only, Bucky had so quickly become your anchor in this game, just going one day without him by your side felt wrong. You couldn’t even pinpoint when it had happened. Was it the first vote, where he had shown you just how strategic he could be? The jokes in the water? The way his arms wrapped you in the storm? 

It had never felt like this with Steve. His arms had always been just a little too tight and things had always felt a bit too forced. You had always know Steve was a means to an end, you would get far and avoid being hurt. You had just assumed that would happen this time too, you hadn’t prepared for a Bucky Barnes. 

Bucky was more subtle touches and bright eyes. Bucky just felt right. You suppose that’s why you hate not talking to him, because he felt right. Because deep down you knew he wasn’t Steve, he wasn’t a means to an end, he was real in a sense. Someone you wanted around and didn’t want to see go. 

A laugh escapes you. One loud enough that it garners Bucky’s attention from his spot in the water. 

The two of you stare tentatively before he looks away. There’s a second where you debate staying where you are, but right now all you and Bucky had was each other and showing weakness to the rest of your tribe would lead them to strike at you again.

You swallow your pride and stand up with a purpose. You and Bucky would forgive each other and move on, there were no other options.

“Bucky.” You call out. His head whips around to look at you again. Surprise filters across his face as you wade through the water towards him. “Can we talk?” You ask about two feet away from him.

Bucky nods. “Of course.”

“Things got tense the other night.” You start hesitantly. You don’t really know where to start. You don’t want to take the entire blame to make him better, but you want him to know you truly did trust him. “We both got upset and I-“

“-I’m sorry.” Bucky cuts you off quickly. “I wasn’t trying to downplay your game, I’m just nervous. For both of us. If we don’t merge soon, I’m afraid it’s the two of us on the line.”

You smile up at him. “You gotta have more faith, Bucky. In both of us.” You emphasize softly. “We’ve made it this far without numbers, I’m sure we can do it again.”

A moment of silence before Bucky’s fingers intertwine with yours and he pulls you towards him. “I have faith in you.” He says softly. “I’ve just played a weak game, riding your coattails.”

“As long as you can admit it.” You smirk. Bucky snorts and pushes you away so you stumble into the water. You re-emerge with a spluttering laugh. “I was joking.” You push him back.

Bucky smiles with a shake of his head. “You and me, sweets?”

“You and me, Barnes. We work together, not just one or the other doing it all.” You smile up at him, your eyes squinting in the bright sun. “But if you’re mean to me again, I’ll send you packing.”

Bucky presses his tongue against his cheek, but you can see the smile he’s forcing back.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“She’s stuck with me.” Bucky laughs. “I don’t… Til the end of the line, I hope.”

Day Twenty

“Bowling!” You cheer as your tribe walks up to the challenge, where two bowling lanes are set up next to one another. “I kill at bowling.”

Bucky laughs from behind you and he can see that even Natasha cracks a smile at your pure excitement. Some of the heroes, like Peter and Shuri, look excited at the prospect of bowling too.

“Heroes, getting your first look at the new villains tribe. Tony voted out at the last tribal council.” There’s a wave of murmurs as the heroes look at one another with wide eyes.

Everyone perks up when Jeff announces that todays reward is a feast. Bucky can feel his mouth watering at the idea of steak and vegetables cooked to perfection.

Even better, he can picture the clue wrapped in a napkin waiting to be found by a winning tribe member. “Hope you’re not lying, sweets. We could use a win.”

A bright smile is sent his way. “Promise, handsome.” It makes Bucky’s heart melt, the way you at him with sparkling eyes and upturned lips. He’s come to terms with the fact that he’s become a little infatuated with you.

Jeff goes through rules pretty quickly, considering it’s just basic bowling and Clint is up first against Thor.

“What do you think the heroes think?” Bucky whispers into your ear from behind you. He keeps a pointed eye on the heroes team, making sure they don’t see the two of you talking. He knows what you’ll say before you say it.

You know what Bucky’s doing too. He feels a surge of pride that the two of you work so well together. “That us girls are getting you boys out one by one. I promise they haven’t given up that theory.”

“You’re brilliant, sweets.” Bucky smirks to himself. Thor gets eight pins to Clint’s nine. The two of you cheer with the rest of your tribe before the next two take their places at the lane.

You lean back a little, your eyes still on the hero tribe as well and whisper, “Try to look pathetic. Like you know you’re time is coming. If we merge, they’ll try to recruit you and give us secrets.”

Shuri gets eight whereas Darcy gets nine pins. Bowling was the villains game, apparently. You cheer again, completely pulling away from Bucky. He immediately misses your warmth, but he knows too much associating and it could hint the heroes into what’s really going on.

You’re up next. You walk up to the lane with a bounce in your step, far more excited than Peter who looks nervously at the wooden bowling ball.

Bucky cheers when your wooden ball knocks down every single pin. “Strike!” Your voice rings out as Peter’s ball only knows down one pin.

When you return to your seat, Bucky squeezes both of your shoulders proudly. “Nice job, sweets.” He says quietly before standing up to take his own turn.

In the end, the villains win, sweeping the heroes in every round. It’s a moral boost, watching the heroes gather their things and take the walk of shame back to camp. The villains are led to a clearing in the jungle, where a small table filled with food is set up and a waterfall stands no more than thirty feet away.

“This is incredible.” You murmur in awe as you look around. Bucky watches you softly as you pull him towards the table by his wrist.

It’s almost natural, you pulling him. At least, it feels natural for him to follow you. It almost hurts how attached he finds himself to you, because he knows it’s all just a game to you.

This is what you do. Anything to win the game you love. Bucky’s not stupid, at least, he knows more than people think. He’s almost sure the people who watch at home will watch in disbelief as he falls into what everyone else tells him is a trap.

But when your hand finds his so naturally, your leg brushes against his thigh and you turn to smile at him brightly after the first bite of food, it doesn’t feel like a trap. It feels so real he almost forgets to breathe.

Maybe that’s why he’s been ignoring the piece of his mind that tells him the best thing to do would be to turn on your before the merge. Maybe you’d forgive him this early on. When the reunion if filmed, he could apologize and beg for a chance in the real world after you’ve had months to cool off.

It would be smart. Turn on you before you turn on him, but he won’t do it. He can’t. Not after you put your life in the game on the line and gave him the idol. He owed you and he couldn’t betray you. Bucky knew himself pretty well, the guilt would destroy his mind and in turn his game.

“Oh, Bucky.” You moan as you swallow down a bite of the steak on your plate. Bucky has the force himself to breath calmly and not allow his pupils to blow at the sound. “It’s so good. Eat!” You push your plate towards him and reach our for more food.

He takes a bite. “You’re right, sweets. This is delicious.” He moans around his second bite of steak. He’s sure even if the steak wasn’t cooked to perfection he would still find it delicious.

The two of you look at each other with smirks before letting out small laughs. Bucky reaches for the napkin wrapped to the right of his plate.

When he unfurls the white fabric, a rolled up piece of paper falls into his lap. He shoves it into the pocket of his shorts without a second glance, making sure nobody across the table had their eyes on him as he did so.

He turns to look at you, to see if you’ve caught what just happened, but you’re too busy eating the fest in front of you.

He’ll show you later. You’ll find it together.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“This,” he holds up the small piece of paper with a victorious smile, careful to speak quiet enough nobody can overhear, “is our ticket to the merge. I just can’t believe my luck.”

Bucky is fidgety. It’s making you nervous as the two of you relax by the fire and listen to the crickets chirp and whispers among the rest of your tribe, which isn’t many anymore.

You can hear them vaguely. Natasha is asking Clint about his family, who seems to light up when he’s able to talk about them. Darcy sits with them, but she doesn’t say much besides a question here and there.

It’s relaxing, getting a break from talking about game play and plans. You feel like it’s been full speed ahead since day one and to just sit by the fire with Bucky in comfortable silence is something you didn’t know you needed.

You swallow thickly as you glance over at him. He’s twiddling his thumbs over his lap as he stares into the fire. The light casts an orange glow over his skin that makes your heart pick up a little bit.

“You okay?” You ask quietly. You lean towards him without really realizing it, but he doesn’t really seem to mind. “Your head is somewhere else.”

Bucky looks at you with a smile that makes you feel warmer than the fire. He knocks his knee against yours in support and gives you a reassuring look. “Nothing bad. I’ll tell you later.” He nods to the group near enough they could hear you if he spoke over a whisper.

You furrow your brows, but nod. “Tell me about home.” You urge quietly.

While you and Bucky had been working together for almost the entire game, you didn’t know much about his life. You knew what little things hr had mentioned on his first season, like what had happened to his arm and about his job.

“Like what?” There’s a handbook you get when you get chosen to be on the show, filled with rules you’re required to follow. One of the biggest ones being ignore the camera when you’re not giving a confessional.

It’s hard to pretend they’re not there. You know they keep people from admitting a lot about their personal lives. “Anything. Family. Work. Girlfriend.” You smirk when Bucky laughs.

“Promise I’m not out here disrespecting a girlfriend. I’m a good boy.” He looks at you with bright eyes. The words make you laugh loudly. “How about you?”

You shake your head. “No boyfriend at home.” You look down at the sand on your feet. “Guys are kind of intimidated of me. I know that’s shocking considering how mundane I come off.”

“The right guy won’t be intimidated by you. He’ll see how impressive you are.” Bucky states with an air of confidence.

The words make you smile. Something small and completely unlike you because it’s embarrassed instead of confident.

Bucky did something to you. Something you were so unused to. The way his smile made you warm and how butterflies fluttered in your stomach when he looked at you with those bright blue eyes. It was all unchartered territory, feelings you had never really let yourself have for someone. Especially someone you had planned on betraying when you needed to.

“The right guy, huh?” You ask quietly. Your heart racing and heat on the back of your neck. “Let me know when you find him.”

You and Bucky watch one another before you both look away. It’s a crafted choice of words, one that seems to make things settle gloomily between you two. “How about family? I remember you mentioning some sisters.”

Bucky nods. “A little sister. Her name is Rebecca.” He lets out a laugh. “She told me I wouldn’t last longer than a week out here. I remember seeing her on family day, I never thought I would miss talking to her as much as I had.”

The admittance makes you smile. You can vaguely remember the tight hug shown on screen when his sister had come running out. “She believe in you more this time?”

“I sure hope so.” Bucky laughs. “I like to think that they’re proud of me, my sister and mom. That they’re not too humiliated by me out here.”

Your hand finds his in the sand. “I think they are proud. I’ve seen a lot of guys on this show, none of them quite as good as you.”

It’s the truth. Whether or not fans labeled Bucky as a villain, he had been good the entire game. He hadn't turned against you and with only one small fight in your wings, he had been good to you.

"I'm sure Steve Rogers fans would disagree. Nobody gets sweeter than that." He gives you a self-depricating smile and his words let on more than he may think.

You shake your head. “Steve is sweet. As sweet as they come, maybe. Doesn’t mean he’s good though.” You swallow thickly and look down at your feet. “It looks like I ruined his game, like I took that million dollars from him.”

“It does.” Bucky agrees easily. You shrug. “Is that not what happened?”

You almost glance up at the camera man sitting a few feet away, but keep your eyes steady on the fire. “I will never deny that I screwed Steve over. I just… Steve had just as much to do with what went down before he got sent home as I did.”

Bucky nods slowly. “And you wanted to turn on him before he turned on you?”

Your eyes flash to his in surprise. You can’t really believe he understands that, not when so many people saw you as the villain who ruined Steve’s game. “Yeah.”

There’s a pause where neither of you say anything before you speak up again. “I cared for Steve. Maybe I played into the romantic bit too much, but I cared for him as a friend.” You say adamantly. “And I’m sad to have lost that friendship, but we both wanted that money and we both were going to do anything to get it whether he wanted to admit it or not.”

You look at Bucky with fierce eyes. “I made the move first because I knew if I didn’t that I would never make final council.”

The admission makes you feel a little lighter, but you can see the weariness in Bucky’s eyes. It’s like he has the thought of well if she did it to him…

“I guess there’s a lot that viewers miss out on.” Bucky finally says. “You and Steve haven’t spoken since?”

“No.” You shake your head. “We avoided each other at the reunion and after that there was no need to. I know how it looks and I don’t regret what I did. Not for one second.”

You know the words seem harsh. That they’ll only fuel the villain ideal behind your name. The words may even turn Bucky against you, show him that you’re here for you and nobody else.

His silence worries you too. Your mind swirling with thoughts of him betraying you or this being his deal breaker.

You take a breath. “I don’t feel that way about you.” The secret pushes itself past your lips and into the tense silence. “I truly hope we can make it to end together.”

“When did you get soft?” Bucky chuckles awkwardly and your chest tightens. The words aren’t reassurance you had hoped for and you seem to have worried Bucky more than reassure him.

You force out a laugh. “Soft? Don’t ever say that again.” You nudge him with your shoulder before moving to stand.

Bucky looks like he wants to say something, but decides against it at the last minute. You try not to think about it too much.

You - Villain Tribe

“I was hoping talking about Steve would get him to trust me more, but it looks like he’s even more guarded now.” You rest your chin on your bent knees. “I’ll just have to be prepared for the worst.”

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“I want to tell her about the idol, but I need to start looking out for myself. I truly don’t think she’ll turn on me, but I just can’t gamble away my faith in the game like that.” He looks away, his profile illuminated by the moon. “I can’t.”

Day Twenty-One

The merge is around the corner. There’s no doubt about that as the competition enters it’s third week and there’s only eight remaining players.

It will be a battle of who has more people going into it, at least that’s what both tribes are thinking now since neither of them truly know who may flip if given the opportunity.

“Tree mail!” Natasha’s voice wakes you up a little more as you turn to look at her and Clint returning and the rolled up piece of paper in her hand. “Think it’s the merge?”

You shrug. “Let’s find out.” She unrolls the paper and frowns. Not the merge, you think a little disappointedly. You weren’t sure if you and Bucky could make it one more elimination if it came to it.

“Castaway, rate your tribe members from weakest to strongest as a group. Bring your rankings with you to today’s challenge where the rest will be explained.” Natasha reads aloud to the camp.

You all exchange glances, utterly confused by the instructions and unwilling to voice who is the weakest first.

“I think we’re all pretty strong.” Darcy says quietly. “I mean, we all have our strong suits. Does it say physically weak or socially? Mentally? How are we supposed to rank?” She sounds more agitated by the second.

You know it’s nerve wracking. Not knowing exactly what these rankings mean is horrible. Your entire tribe is left to fight it out over who is the strongest and weakest and they don’t even know the prize.

Will the weakest be sent home? The strongest pitted against the hero’s strongest in a fight for reward? Not knowing anything put a stunt in your tribe’s ability to figure this out.

“Let’s just vote for physicality.” Natasha says evenly. “Majority wins. That way it’s simple and we can prepare for the challenge. These are probably just for pairs in today’s challenge.”

Everyone agrees easily and Natasha decides to start with the strongest vote. “They’ll probably vote Steve or Thor the strongest. I say we make Bucky our one and Nat or I our two.” You declare.

Everyone glances at each other before nodding. “Okay so, all in favor for me as number two?” You ask and Bucky, you and Natasha raise their hands.

At you confused look Natasha smirks. “I don’t want to go against Steve or Thor if that’s what these rankings are for.”

The words make you all laugh and some tension is obviously lifted from everyone’s shoulders. “All in favor of Clint third?” Nat cuts in before you can say anything else.

The rest of you raise your hand in agreement. You can tell nobody wants to argue much about this and create an awkward environment at the actual challenge. “Then Nat, then Darcy.” Clint marks it on the paper before anybody votes, but nobody argues it.

Darcy Lewis - Villain Tribe

“I got named our weakest player and I guess I saw it coming. Two and two against one, I was never going to be voted the strongest. I just feel like I’m being severely underestimated by them all. Somehow I’m the odd one out when the plan for the last few tribals has been Bucky or Y/N.” She shakes her head in disbelief.

Steve Rogers - Hero Tribe

“I can’t wait to see how they did this. What they assumed. Heroes just have no idea if our rankings will help us or hurt us. It’s stressful.”

Bucky can’t contain his smile when he sees which challenge is set up behind Jeff. The walls, all different colors, have foot mounts attached to them that get smaller and smaller.

Bucky knows this challenge. Bucky has won this challenge. He turns his head to look at you and he knows you’re thinking the same thing he is.

The villains have this one in the bag. Bucky knows it, especially when Jeff explains that each competitor will go against their equal rank from the opposite tribe.

It’s obvious that being lighter will help more than brute strength especially as the foot mounts get smaller and smaller.

Bucky can’t help but smile as everybody takes the first steps towards the wall. The match ups seem to have worked in the villain’s favor today.

Bucky takes his place on the other side of Thor, who struggles almost immediately. While Bucky would definitely have a hard time, he knee this challenge and he was lighter than Thor.

You were matched up against Steve, who seemed less than thrilled when he realized how much lighter you were compared to him.

“You’ll stand on the first mount for ten minutes.” Jeff explains as everyone settles in. “This is for immunity. Now more than ever your tribes need this.”

Bucky knows that Jeff is right. This far in the game it becomes a battle of which tribe has more going into the merge. It didn’t matter if people thought they would flip or if there were other deserters. All that mattered was who appeared stronger going in probably got to decide who went home.

The villains needed the numbers going in. Bucky was sure that wanting to get rid of strong heroes would be the only thing that protected him post merge.

Thor slips off before they even make it to the second mount. “Villains gain a point, Bucky you can step down.” Jeff orders as Thor stumbles to the small table set up for them to wait at.

“That was tough.” Thor grumbles as he rubs at his bare feet. “Not my thing.” He smiles politely as Bucky sits beside him.

Bucky laughs silently as he turns his attention to the challenge. Nobody else seems to be struggling on their mounts, showing the game will continue on far longer than Bucky and Thor had.

Thor Odinson - Hero Tribe

“I’m embarrassed. They ranked me the strongest of our tribe and I lose first? It’s just humiliating, there’s no momentum for our team.”

Your feet are aching by the half hour mark. Jeff has moved you all to final mount to stand on until the last person falls off, meaning you could be here for hours.

You’re jealous of Bucky, who’s relaxing on the sidelines with Thor, Wanda and Darcy. Darcy had fallen after moving to the second mount, leaving both tribes tied with one point.

You can hear Steve groaning to himself. You assume he’s adjusting his stance and trying to hold on and you’re considerably impressed. Steve has stayed up much longer than you thought he would, longer than he had when you had played a version of this challenge on your season.

“You can come down, Steve!” You call out with a teasing laugh. “Nobody will judge you. I could do this all day.”

It’s silent for a moment, as everyone waits for Steve to respond. The two of you hadn’t interacted at all throughout the entire twenty-one days and there had been no reason to do so.

“I’m not losing to you.” Steve says in a cold tone. You could only imagine the cold blue eyes that matched and his steeled face.

You bite down on your lip to conceal a smile. The retort on the tip of your tongue. Something along the lines of you’ve lost to me before. You settle on a shrug he can’t see and call back, “We’ll see!”

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“She looks good up there. She’s not breaking a sweat. Everyone else has shaking legs and can’t hold still and it looks like she could do this all day. Steve can’t even see how good she looks, no way he wins this.”

It’s another close game, one that comes down to you and Steve battling it out for the last point.

You look great up there, and Bucky thinks it in the least flirtatious way possible. You always look great, but you haven’t broken a sweat in this challenge.

It’s obvious Steve’s muscle mass and height is working against him in this game, so Bucky’s impressed by him, just not as impressed as he is with you. You lean your shoulder against the wall in the most casual way possible and you make sure to not adjust your feet to often. All while Steve struggles to stay still. It’s clear from his flexing and pained groans that his feet are cramping and he can’t find a comfortable position at all.

Bucky’s not worried. While the rest of his tribe watches with bated breaths and the hero tribe chews on their nails, Bucky is relaxed.

It’s like it happens in slow motion too. Bucky watches with a small smile as Steve moves to adjust his grip just a little too quickly and his foot slides off the mount.

“Villains win immunity!” Jeff calls out as you step down from your mount. Your eyes find Steve, who’s laying with his back on the sand and eyes closed. The two of you watch each other for a brief moment before you smile at him.

“Good effort.” The words are genuine. “You did really well.” You hold out a hand for Steve to take and help him to his feet again.

Bucky watches the scene with interest. He knows it’s good sportsmanship, a friendly gesture and it’s one that may help you in the long run of the game. If Steve moves on from his resentment, he’s a number.

But Bucky knows he would be a number for you.

You - Villain Tribe

“My feet are killing me. My arms are dead. I’m exhausted, but this win is one of the best yet. I earned us this win. I beat one of their strongest players. And I’m safe for another tribal.”

Steve Rogers - Hero Tribe

“Now that we know what it’s like to win, losing is so much worse. That feeling of being so close and losing by an inch? I just can’t stand it. We’re better than them, I’m better than them.” He purses his lips and his blue eyes are filled with rage. “We can’t lose anymore people, not with a merge so close. They’ll knock us out one by one by one.”

Day Twenty-Three

“Buck.”

There’s a crate sitting in front of where your tree mail is normally put. You can’t contain your smile when you see the note attached to the lid. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Bucky smiles as you pull the paper off of the crate. “Expect some visitors today to unlock this crate and the clue inside.” You look down to inspect the crate and notice a padlocked strapped to it.

“We made it.” Bucky says quietly. “The merge. We’re so close to the end, sweets.” Bucky’s arms wrap around you and you giggle as he lifts you into a hug, you legs wrapping around his waist with ease.

“Nobody can say we haven’t played a good game.” Your hands tangle in his hair. It’s gotten longer in the twenty-something days you’ve gone. “You and I. To the end, right?” You ask again.

Bucky smiles up at you as his hands tighten around your hips. “To the end.”

There’s a moment, where the two of you just look at one another, where you want to kiss him. Then you think it’s not just a moment, it’s just you realizing that you’ve wanted to do it all along.

“We should bring it to camp.” You clear your throat and Bucky hastily drops you back to your feet.

You look up at him again. Your cheeks are warm with nervousness and another feeling you’re unused to. This feeling of adoration. The care you have for Bucky is unlike anything you’ve felt before.

You want to kiss him. You want to know what it feels like to have him in your arms and be in his with your lips pressed against his. You wonder what his stubble will feel like and if he’ll rest a hand at the back of your neck.

“We should.” Bucky agrees easily. He meets your eyes and the two of you share a look.

You wonder if he’s thinking the same about you.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“Everyday I don’t tell her about my idol, I feel worse and worse. Especially as we become better friends. I just… I’m paranoid. I’m scared. I need this safety net.”

— ➶ —

notes -> hi! i cut this part into two because this felt like a strong place to finish the chapter (and i was already at 5k words) hopefully you’re not too upset having to wait for more of the merge.

thank u for reading this au if you are! i’m having so much fun writing about one of my favorite reality shows.

[tojiaesth]

ice queen, one.

toji fushiguro x f!reader

summary: figure skater!y/n once found solace in the scratching of her blade against the ice, the aches and pains of her body proof of her dedication. after breaking world records and reaching the top she so desperately climbed her way to, she’s at a loss. a meeting by chance, broken promises and guarded walls, y/n gets more than she bargained for by one introspective man.

word count: 500+

warnings: mentions of self harm, panic attacks, toxic parents, neglect, poor mental/physical health, angst, mentions of weight loss.

A/N: apologies for the lack of toji in this first part, i’m trying to set the scene. enjoy <3

series masterlist -> current -> two

“Enough. You’ve been at it for 12 hours, Y/N. That was your tenth landed jump in a row. I think you’ll be fine.”

Your good friend Shoko called from one of the many empty seats she occupied. You were pushing yourself, the winter olympics would begin in less than two weeks and being nervous was an understatement.

Truthfully? You were terrified, especially since you hadn’t told anyone your grand plan. This was a fail safe because if you landed it then great! But if you failed or chickened out, no one would be none the wiser.

Sweat trickled down your forehead, the tendons in your leg screaming at you to stop. You relished that feeling, to the point where your coach scolded you, believing it was a form of self harm.

He actually had no idea you were practicing today, having been at it all day yesterday he insisted you have a day off. If he saw you now, he’d drag you back home and probably lock you in the house. He meant well but you were stubborn.

How else would you silence those thoughts?

You oddly adored the feeling of pushing yourself to the limit, basking in the comfort it gave you. Sometimes you’d find yourself panicking, at 24, you gave almost 20 years of your life to skating and the hard pill to swallow was you had no other skills - never bothering to pay attention. So when your muscles were groaning in pain and your heart rate so fast you felt like dying, you soothed the many anxieties whirring around your brain. You weren’t useless. You were committed to the one thing that you were extremely talented in.

As you skated towards the entrance to the rink, you debated landing one more triple axel then decided against it. You didn’t need more of Shoko’s lectures.

“You should really take better care of your body.”

It was almost as if she read your mind, suddenly appearing in front of you as you were lost in your thoughts.

“It’s fine, it’s how I’ve done things for years, Shoko I really don’t need a lecture right now.” Exasperated, you reached for your water bottle, allowing the cool water to slide down your throat. You looked at her from the corner of your eye as you gulped as much as possible and she had the same disapproving look on her face.

She was here for moral support, having flown in from Seoul. The 2022 Winter Olympics were being hosted in Tokyo, perfect for you as it meant zero travelling. You were grateful she was here, having been part of the handful of people who actually cared about your skating.

“Yeah I’m all too aware of that! It goes in one ear and out the other…I mean which one of us is the doctor, hmm?” She questioned, eyes settling on the way you limped to the nearest chair. You peeled off your skates,

“You, seeing as its all you ever talk about.”

Shoko threw your face towel that you placed beside you.

“God, you’re so difficult, but I love you and I really think you should rest until the competiton.”

“Gross don’t ever throw a sweaty towel at me again.” You massaged your bruised toes through your tights, you had strategically placed plasters and then thick socks on top to help with the many blisters you had acquired but it did nothing.

“Don’t change the subject.” Shoko sighed and kneeled down in front of you, preventing you from avoiding her questions.

“Look, I know you like the back of my hand. I know what this is about. Your parents do not deserve you, okay? You don’t have to prove-“

You cut her off immediately and stood up, hiding a wince at the sudden heaviness in your legs. It was like someone strapped 100kg weights to them and you couldn’t wait to soak in a warm bath.

You were tired, physically and emotionally and the last thing you wanted to talk about were your parents.

“Can we not.” You tried your very best not to snap, “I’m tired and hungry, let’s just go get some food please and not mention my parents.”

Picking up the piece of equipment you lived and breathed, you walked - or rather limped - towards the changing room where you wanted nothing more than to wash the stress off your back. Your neglectful parents, your perfect brother Akira who in their eyes never did anything wrong, your friends who continued to break their promises and now the impending sense of doom from this much anticipated event resulted in a migraine coming on. Your heart palpitations worsened and you could feel the beginnings of a panic attack.

You sped up, fumbling with the door of the lock so Shoko wouldn’t have more to worry about and tried to calm down your breathing. Okay, what can I see, smell, taste, hear and…what was the last one? A stupid trick you remembered from your old therapist but now all you could zone in on was your pulse quickening and the constricting of your chest. It felt like you were dying and as you went down on all fours, one hand clutching your chest you could feel the warm, salty tears slither down your cheek and fall onto the floor.

Your eyes were glued to how it made a perfect circle and you imagined it becoming a huge puddle. So big, people could see their reflections in it. They all gathered around the weird lady who cried so much it caused river banks to overflow. They marvelled at her talent, deliberately making her cry as a form of entertainment. Soon, the stupid story you made in your head naturally distracted your body.

That became your focal point. Five excruciating minutes later you stopped hyperventilating and could control the air going to your lungs.

Once you showered and got changed into much more comfortable clothes, you walked towards the mirror to dry and brush your hair. The woman who stared back was gaunt, eye bags prominent and intrusive paired with lifeless eyes that told your secrets. Your skin remained clear, the one aspect of your life you could actually be bothered with but your hair was knotted. You spent the next twenty minutes making it look presentable before realising you should get back to Shoko before she started a search party.

Your phone buzzed faintly from your locker and you ignored it. It continued as you placed your fingers on your eye bags and tutted. You just had to get through the Olympics, secure a gold medal and if your grand plan went through…of course you’d be happy.

You scoffed, you would 100% be content once it was over, despite the voice nagging at you that you said this if you came 1st in the Japanese national competitions last year - which you did. Shaking your head, you smoothed your t shirt down over your baggy jeans and reached for your snow boots. No, this time would be different.

They had to notice you. Once you see the proud smile on their faces at their daughter exceeding expectations it would all be worth it. All the crying, breakdowns, panic attacks, injuries and lack of social life would mean something.

Maybe then your slowly dying passion for skating would ignite, a fact you had pushed to the back of your long line of issues for the past two years. You would love skating again exactly like how you did when you were 16.

Yes.

“Finally, I was ready to break down the door.” Shoko remarked, rising from her seat as she watched you emerge round the corner thirty minutes later. She stretched and pocketed her phone,

“My ass is numb.”

Shoko noted the redness around your eyes and how much smaller you looked in your oversized shirt. You had lost weight. Too much. Shoko took the bag from your shoulder and walked on ahead to your confusion, but you said nothing and looked down at the phone in your hand.

One missed call from your brother, followed by a text.

Akira: Hey, I’m gonna catch a flight with Kou for your competition in a few days!! I know you wanted Mom and Dad but I asked and I think they have a lot on their plate. Missin you, I’ll see you soon okay? xx

Your eyes stung at the message. Akira probably sugar coated it as best as he could. You chewed your lip, doubting them actually having anything on their plate. Akira ran most of it. But there he was, gently telling you that your parents wouldn’t come and see their daughter compete in the Olympics. It was laughable.

Of course, you couldn’t hate your brother, it wasn’t his fault your parents treated him like the best thing that had ever happened to them. He was 11 months older than you, your mother had already told you countless times that you weren’t planned. He never bragged or made you feel crap. Sure he was dense sometimes, very childish and carefree - clearly not able to understand the weight on your shoulders and how desperately you craved your parents approval but he tried his best and was a good person.

He was business savvy, maybe explaining why your parents loved him for joining the humble family business and turning it into a multi-billion dollar corporation.

That was a lie. Akira could probably cause a war to happen and somehow your parents would blame you.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. The last thing you wanted was your intrusive thoughts to cause a rift with the only family member who cared for you. Over the years you tried your hardest not to let your parents treatment affect your relationship with your brother. You refused to give them the satisfaction of taking it out on him. Akira was always there for you as far as you could remember, when you fell and hit your knee a few weeks after you started skating, he comforted you. When you were left shivering in the snow for hours, your mother having forgotten to pick you up when you were 11, Akira made excuses and took your mind off it.

You needed to stop thinking about it before you dug up every awful occasion with your parents.

You finally focused on the next part of the message. Kou too? That cheered you up a little bit, you’d see your brother and the best friend you both shared. Kou was so calming to be around he’d do wonders for you on the day. Like Shoko, he was a doctor, but specialised in paediatrics. You missed his warm smile and infectious laugh. His hugs were the best too. Okay, you decided to stop moping. Honestly, you had a dream a few nights ago that no one attended and the crowd laughed and laughed and laughed.

At least that wouldn’t happen.

“Earth to Y/N!”

You looked up, Shoko looking at you with both concern and annoyance.

“I was calling you like fifty times, are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

The usual question by Shoko and the usual answer by you. This back and forth had gone on as far as you could remember.

“You wanna drive to yours and we order in, or shall we go out?” Shoko inquired, coming closer and looping her arm through yours.

“It’s freezing, let’s order in and watch some trash horror movie.” You brightened up at the concept of Shoko clinging to you in terror, only to be met with her glare.

Nonetheless, she assessed you were feeling a bit better now and had actually smiled, something you rarely did nowadays.

“Ugh, fine. For putting me through that trauma, desserts on you.”

“Deal.”

************************

“Shit. I can’t seem to land my jumps lately.” Mai tangled her fingers in her hair, frustrated. She had come to sit on the bench next to her twin sister Maki to rest and complain, instead being met with judgemental eyes.

“That’s because you’ve abandoned your technique. It’s so obvious who you’re copying Mai just do your own thing.”

Maki adjusted her glasses and continued, surprised that her usually quick to comeback sister had remained silent.

“You’ve come this far, at 17, you’re one of the youngest skaters to have this many wins. Why do you think? Because you’re talented. Don’t then ruin it all trying to model yourself after a completely different person.”

Mai groaned as her sister drummed her fingers on the table. The pressure was on, the Winter Olympics creeping closer and closer.

“But she’s amazing.” Mai pouted and began unlacing her skates, “I wanna be her.”

“No. You’ll be you. You’ll do exactly what she’s accomplished but even better.”

“I fucking hope so, Y/N L/N will be the death of me. That’s all who Mom talks about. How I have to beat her and then Dad joins in banging on about her technique. You know he told Coach to make me watch these long ass analysis videos of Y/N in slow motion.”

“Oof.” Maki stifled a laugh, if their Dad was anything it was driven.

“It gets worse. The videos were in Russian.”

Maki burst out laughing, setting off her sister as well as they both started sliding off the chair. Two minutes later they were still in fits of laughter, now on the floor and unsure what was so funny. They could never stop once something made them laugh, and had now begun to bring up every funny thing that happened in the last week.

The man in charge of locking up the rink glanced at the two identical girls giggling on the floor and couldn’t help but smile. He was one of the few people who could easily tell them apart when they were younger, earning his respect. He technically had no choice, they both practically lived here. Now it was easier, Mai having ear length hair and Maki deciding to keep it long.

“Girls, it’s 9pm this rink was supposed to be shut two hours ago.”

“Hayama-san, we’re so sorry.”

“No you’re not.” He replied simply and pursed his lips.

“Okay we’re not and we can’t promise we won’t do it again but we shall leave immediately!” Mai beamed at him and tugged Maki’s arm, assisting her in rising from the floor.

Maki bowed and said her apologies, albeit more sincere than her sister and they both walked off towards the changing room. Although both sisters knew how to skate, Maki was always less serious than her twin, seeing it more as a leisure activity than a serious sport. Her passion was in science, one day hoping to study astronomy.

Mai on the other hand insisted on being an Olympic gold medalist at the age of four. It excited their mother who then assumed Maki felt the same way, imagining both daughters becoming professional skaters. The dream was shattered when Maki became less interested around the age of 13, which her mother (with time) came to accept. Both her parents now poured all their dreams and aspirations into Mai which is why Maki ensured that she’d always stay by her sisters side, knowing her sensitive personality.

Not only was this Mai’s first time competing in the Olympics but she was up against her idol. Due to their age difference, Y/N and Mai never really interacted during national competitions, due to its separation of 18- (junior) and and 18+. (senior). But this time it was different. Maki was stressed, this was all the Zenin family raved about, so she couldn’t imagine what her sister was feeling.

Although having been observing her sister for the past few days, she could see Mai couldn’t contain her excitement.

While Maki perused over these thoughts, awaiting her sister who took years to get ready, her mind wandered again to Y/N L/N. She was a beautiful skater, Maki thought, renowned for her agility and ballerina-like moves. At only 24, she was pretty much iconic in the skating world, winner of tons of competitions in which most people either resented her or worshipped her. She set trends, her music and outfit choices as well as hairstyles in her programs were usually plastered over social media the next day. She must’ve been the pride and joy of her family. Maki imagined her as cocky at first but she once caught a glimpse of her at a competition (that Mai is jealous of to this day) and somehow she looked smaller and less intimidating than the countless videos she’d seen. Maki still recalls how dejected her eyes looked, heavily contrasting the beam on her face as a medal was placed around her neck.

She never wanted Mai to have those eyes.

“Okay I’m done. Megumi texted. Toji bought way too much food again so he said feel free to come over. Let’s go!” Mai squealed in delight, she was tired and starving and the best place to recover was their cousins mansion.

Maki nodded, sending a quick text to their mother that they would probably spend the night and they set off, wind whipping their faces. Mai chatted away as Maki drove, mind elsewhere.

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, onto chapter 128 of SnK.  There’s some really huge thematic payoff in this chapter which I want to talk a little about!

The big theme that really comes full circle here is the theme of violence, and how it’s intrinsically linked to the human condition.  That’s obviously a huge theme throughout this entire series, but in a lot of ways it culminates in this chapter.

I first really noticed it in a big way, in terms of having a big impact on the characters, way back in chapter 50 something, during the Uprising arc, in that scene where Jean, Connie, Sasha, Mikasa and Armin are waiting around, and they start talking about Levi and how repulsed they feel by what they perceive to be his unnecessary violence.  They flatly condemn him for it, even going so far as to say there’s something wrong with him, and making bold statements about how they would never kill another person, no matter the circumstances.  This statement of course comes back to bite them not long after, when Armin is forced to kill one of Kenny’s squad in order to save Jean, and Jean begins to understand the impossibility and even selfishness that can be inherent to holding without compromise to one’s moral values. 

That theme comes back in a huge way in chapter 128, and it’s really interesting to see Reiner try to step in and take on the role of martyr by telling the members of the 104th that they don’t need to fight, trying to save them from the moral dilemma of killing their own comrades.  What I found really interesting here was how Jean, Connie, Mikasa and Armin don’t answer at first, and you can see this is a huge struggle for them, the scenario presented before them one which clearly goes against everything they want to believe they’re fighting for.  Connie even says that they’re supposed to be saving people, not murdering their friends, etc...  But it’s impossible to ignore how it’s Hange who steps in and dashes any possibility of them sitting this fight out against the rocks.  They say they aren’t interested in being a spectator, and reminds everyone there that humanity doesn’t have any time left for them to be debating their morality.  This ties back in perfectly with what Levi had spoken to his squad about way back in the Uprising Arc, again, when he told them he doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, and that all any of them can do in any given situation is act in the way they think is best, both for themselves and those they care for, and for humanity as a whole.  We’ve seen Hange come to terms with this blunt and often brutal reality well before this, during the battle for Shingashina, for example.  Hange really began to separate whatever moral qualms they might have had, any emotion they might have had about killing other people, during this arc, and coming to really understand and accept that sometimes morality was something that had to be sacrificed for the greater good.  Here in chapter 128, Hange isn’t interested in or willing to indulge in preserving either their, or anyone else’ moral purity at the expense of the Marlyean group.  They’re in this together, and Hange understands fully that to accept Reiner’s offer of sitting back and watching while he, Annie and Pieck take on the Yeagerists would be the height of selfishness and a prime example of placing one’s own moral purity over the well being of others.  I always think it’s brilliant the way AoT explores these issues, of how an uncompromising loyalty to one’s idea of morality can, in fact, lead to total disaster for others, can in fact worsen the lives of others.  How if one has a moral code they are absolutely, under no circumstances, willing to break, that person often is the one who is most self-serving and self-centered, more concerned with keeping their own hands clean than with helping anyone else.  SnK doesn’t condemn violence, but instead makes very strong arguments for why it is sometimes not only an option, but the ONLY option, and that’s incredibly bold, and incredibly true to reality.  

Armin, as usual, is the first to understand this, after Hange reminds them all.  Armin was also the first, back during the Uprising Arc, to extend understanding towards Levi and his violence, and why he had to at times resort to it.  Armin flat out says here “I refuse to stand by with clean hands”.  He’s acknowledging the selfishness inherent in an uncompromising moral code, and refuses to place himself above the rest of humanity, even if it means once more getting his hands dirty with the blood of other people.  He still comes up with a plan to try and avoid any bloodshed, but you can see Armin is willing and ready in this moment to do whatever is necessary, which he does when he and Connie get into the situation they do with Daz and Samuel.  Armin is the one who tackles Samuel, which is what gives Connie the chance to shoot him.

There’s this huge moment with Levi I want to talk about, after everything goes to shit and Armin’s plan falls apart, where Yelena says “You can’t separate humanity from violence.”  And then she says to Levi “Right, Captain?”, and we get a look at Levi’s face, and once again, he just looks filled with naked despair.  I think these two panels are incredibly important in understanding Levi’s own psychology during this entire final arc.  Yelena is right, for once, when she says you can’t separate humanity from violence.  It’s a part of the human condition.  And she asks Levi specifically about it, because if anyone understands this, it’s Levi, who grew up in a world where violence was often the ONLY option, if one wanted to survive, or protect those they cared for.  But Levi’s saddened expression in the following panel really speaks to his feelings regarding the undeniable truth of Yelena’s words.  Levi knows it’s true, but he wishes desperately that it wasn’t.  I’ve called Levi an idealist over and over, and it’s because Levi is someone who understands the way of the world, and understands human nature, with more clarity and compassion than probably any other character in the series, he understands that violence, pain, poverty, desperation, fear, death, are all a part of life, and especially a part of the human condition, and yet, even with that understanding and acceptance, Levi is also someone who strives towards something better,  towards a world in which these things AREN’T necessary, aren’t inevitable.  Levi has been fighting this whole time in order to try and create a world in which people can live in genuine peace and prosperity, without fear, or violence or inequality.  But every bit of Levi’s life experience tells him and reminds him, day in and day out, of the impossibility of that ideal.  The impossibility of creating a world in which these things don’t exist.  Nothing in Levi’s life would ever lead him to believe true peace and prosperity for all is an attainable dream, nothing in his life which would ever give him real hope in that dream becoming reality.  But still, he fights for it.  This is part of what makes Levi so remarkable.  It’s the very fact that he STRUGGLES to believe in the possibility of a better world, and yet still gives everything of himself to make it a reality, that makes Levi such a hero.  In fact, Levi doesn’t really believe that it’s possible, I don’t think, his life having been too hard and too desperate to fully embrace such an ideal notion.  But, once again, even as he’s riddled with doubt as to it’s attainability, he sacrifices everything he has for the possibility, no matter how slim.   Levi’s naked despair in the panel following Yelena’s question is because he’s being reminded once again of the impossibility of that dream.  Once again, he’s being shown that humanity is incapable of achieving true peace within itself, he’s being shown once again that people are by nature violent and warlike, and that everything he’s fought for seems more and more like a distant and hopeless dream.  Yelena sits in stark contrast to Levi here.  She’s bitterly accepting of the ugly reality, unmoved and unemotional.  She doesn’t care.  She thinks humanity is a worthless mess, unsalvageable and unworthy of salvation.  To Yelena, this is the inevitable result of humanity’s very existence, and to fight for something that unrealistically idealistic is a fools errand.  Indeed, Yelena seems almost to revel in it, the violence serving as affirmation of her beliefs, giving her a sense of validation.  But Levi, beside her, is deeply affected, his pain and sadness openly expressed in his face, his disappointment and heartbreak plain to see.  Levi is HURT by the violence, by seeing it unfold.  Levi, despite knowing the truth of Yelena’s words, despite knowing from the most first-hand experience the brutal and violent nature of human beings, and the improbability of humanity ever achieving true peace, still believes with his whole heart that humanity is WORTH fighting for.  Levi, despite how hard it is for him to believe in actually achieving a better world, still believes that FIGHT is worth an attempt.  And that’s really one of the most vital philosophical difference between Levi and people like Yelena, or Zeke.  Despite knowing and understanding better than anyone the brutal and harsh reality of the world and humanity, to Levi, it’s still something that’s worth fighting to protect, and worth sacrificing for.  Even against his own, weary doubts as to its possibility.  And that just shows a strength of character that is immense.  To be so burdened by doubt, but still to fight with every last ounce of your strength, to give to your very last breath.  That’s Levi.  That strength of character, that unwavering conviction in giving his all to a cause he isn’t at all sure is even possible, is never more apparent than in this final arc, when Levi is in the most literal sense at deaths door, physically wrecked and barely able to even stand, and yet still he fights with everything he has.  That truly is remarkable.  That truly is heroic.

Just one more note.  Floch really exposes himself in this chapter for what he actually is, which is a power freak.  He’s been spouting off this whole time about the Empire of Eldia and saving the island and the people on the island and blah, blah, blah, but during his conversation with Kiyomi, he admits that he doesn’t really believe that the island will be safe, even if Eren wipes out all of humanity, that people will still continue to kill each other, and then he starts in about how what’s important now is for people to “know their place”, as he holds a gun to Kiyomi’s head.  Floch is a power freak, he wants to control other people, wants to dictate to them, wants to hold power over them.  He exposes that about himself here.  He doesn’t actually care about Paradis, or the people on it.  He’s simply getting off on being able to push other people around and make them do what he tells them to.  He’s such a bitch.  It was hilarious when Kiyomi took his ass down and messed his arm up.  

[staysaneathome]

This Was Not A Dare, Reigen

Jon glares at each of the— the suspects traitors in front of him, tape recorder clutched tight in one hand.

Martin, wringing his hands uselessly, eyes wide and beseeching. Tim, fists clenched hard enough for his knuckles to go white and returning his gaze with a death stare of his own. Sasha, arms folded to form a barrier between Jon and herself, expression a perfect mask of concern. Reigen, radiating disappointment in every one of his gestures and quips. Elias, eyes weary, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Some intervention this is turning out to be.

Jon wants to scream. Wants to reach out and shake someone, anyone, until they admit he’s making sense and it’s the rest of the world that’s gone mad.

Every single one of them (except Martin) could’ve killed Gertrude. He knows he has no proof that they did, but he has no proof that they didn’t either, can’t they see that? If they don’t want him to suspect them, it should be easy for them to actually give him proof of their innocence (like Martin did), instead of just repeating platitudes of “you know this isn’t acceptable adult behavior, Jon” and “you’re better than this, Jon”.

Who cares about knowing better or acceptable behavior when it’s your very life on the line? He’s half tempted to throttle the con artist, see how dignified or adult he is when he’s the one with a murderer on his tail!

…Not that Jon is a murderer. It’s just the principle of the thing, is all.

“Jon,” Elias says, tone soothing in all the ways he doesn’t want it to be. “This is absurd. This goes far beyond an unhealthy work environment. I’ll admit it’s partly my fault for letting it get this bad, I should have intervened earlier.”

Reigen cuts in with a hand gesture that is as effusive as it is dismissive. “That doesn’t make his behavior okay, Bouchard-san. It may be bad here, but Jon chose to follow me, Tim and Sasha, and yell at Martin, rather than going to the police or paying a detective, like Herlock Sholmes or something.”

Jon sputters. “Wh- It’s Sherlock Holmes, not—and he’s fictional!”

Reigen blinks sleepily, one eyebrow raised. “Oh? That doesn’t sound right. Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jon all but shouts, rapidly reconsidering his stance on braining the sardonic little git with his tape recorder. “Don’t you even—an-and you’re deflecting again! Just like with your ridiculous ‘haunted gun’ nonsense!”

“I’m not!” Reigen says, clearly deflecting. “I’ve seen this kind of thing loads of times as the number one psychic. When a weapon kills lots of people over 100 years, the bad energy gets bigger and bigger until the gun grows an evil spirit and is hungry—”

“I refuse to believe Gertrude Robinson was murdered by a sentient blunderbuss!!”

“Be that as it may,” Elias interrupts, shooting them both a stern frown. “This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about, Jon. Given how badly it’s affected your work ethic, I will be taking direct action to ensure it does not continue.”

Jon can feel his shoulders hunch almost against his will, dread pooling in his stomach at the thought of whatever punishment is about to be unjustly inflicted on him.

Only Martin looks half as worried as he feels, glancing between him and Elias nervously. By contrast, Tim looks downright triumphant, smirk nasty and vindictive. Sasha’s somewhere between those two, not openly celebrating his soon-to-be-downfall, but not acting like she’d lift a finger on his behalf either, though he’s unsure why that feels like it should surprise him. She’s always been as neutral as Switzerland.

Reigen, oddly enough, has more in common with Martin than with Tim. He’s staring at Elias like he’s waiting for a bit of news he knows he won’t like.

Jon thinks he’d appreciate that more if he wasn’t about to be unfairly lambasted simply for trying to stop a murderer and bring justice for an old woman who probably died frightened and alone. Much like Jon probably will once he’s been hobbled by whatever Elias is about to say next.

“Such as by restricting access to the archives from members of the public who are ultimately doing you more harm than good.”

…Wait.

What?

“What?!” Tim, Martin, and Sasha echo.

Reigen glances between them all, blinking in confusion.

Jon shares the sentiment entirely. His punishment is…for someone else to be removed from the archives? Someone he doesn’t employ or even like that much, no less?

He must have misheard, surely.

Though maybe not, given how Tim looks aghast, glancing between Elias and Reigen. “Okay, no, Reigen’s clearly not the problem here—”

“I’m very sorry, Tim, but Jon has made several remarks about the disruptive nature of Mr. Arataka’s presence in the archives.” Elias sighs. “From the arguments like the one we just witnessed to the nonsensical purchases of oddities inspired by his presence, such as Duolingo subscriptions,” Meaningful glare at Jon who resists the urge to clutch his phone guiltily, “That are now billed on the Archives’ expenses, it unfortunately seems as though he is dragging down productivity for all of you as an active stressor.”

“But we’re much better equipped to take statements from people who don’t speak English because of that!” Martin protests, stepping forward. “Isn’t it an advantage to have a more, more international perspective for our work?”

“One positive in a sea of negatives does not an advantage make.” Elias says, sounding infuriatingly like he’s misquoting something. “And really Martin, how realistic is it that this would help in more than a few isolated cases? I expected better from you.”

Martin’s face crumples, and his shoulders hunch, making himself smaller.

Jon finds his own mouth opening to—what? Say something? What would he even say?

Luckily, Sasha intervenes before he can dig his own grave further. “That’s as may be, but he’s a wonder for morale. He and Jon are funny, not anything serious, and I don’t think we’d have come to you about Jon‘s behavior unless he encouraged us to—”

“Which only fits into the delusion where Jon feels an outsider is rallying his subordinates against him, which is not good for his paranoid outlook.” Elias replies calmly. “And it’s never a healthy work environment when one employee feels the others are making them the butt of a joke.”

“I’d say that’s not as bad as when the boss feels he has the right to violate everyone’s privacy whenever he wants to just ’cause he’s feeling sad!” Tim growls.

Elias begins to answer, before Reigen finally speaks up.

“Sorry,” The con artist says carefully. “But you are…«I know this one…» banning me from the Archives? Yes?”

“That is the long and short of it, yes.” Elias says, grudgingly

“Why?” Reigen challenges, eyes hard and searching. “What have I, personally, done that’s wrong here? What behavior do I need to correct?”

There’s a moment of silence. The whirring of the tape recorder sounds uncomfortably loud.

“Mr. Arataka, are you currently under the employ of the Magnus Institute?” Elias asks, brow furrowed.

“Ah, no, no, but—”

“Are you looking to become employed by the Institute at this point in time, as a prospective member of the Archival Staff?” He fires off rapidly.

“Su-Sorry, but if you could just go a little slower—”

“Then I am afraid that unless you’re looking to fill out an employment contract or a Statement form, we cannot help you, Mr. Arataka.” Elias spreads his hands wide. “We are an academic institution, a place of research and learning. The Institute cannot allow for social dalliances on company time, especially not when those visits are negatively contributing to the work environment and the wellbeing of our staff.”

Tim throws up his hands, “I-I cannot believe this!”

Reigen’s mouth works soundlessly for a moment.

“Arataka is my…what do you call it? First name?” He says, at last. “Using it in this context is…inappropriate. Please call me Reigen, if you would, Bouchard-san.”

“Of course. My mistake, Mr. Reigen.” Elias does have the decency to look somewhat abashed. “Though, regrettably, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises within the next twenty minutes, or I will be forced to call security.”

Reigen nods, jerkily, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Jon almost wants to call out to the fraud as he turns to go, grab him by the shoulder, pick another argument, something. He knows he should be happy, be glad that this thorn in his side will finally stop bothering him, but instead he just feels—befuddled. Off-kilter.

What happened to the man who once spent three hours arguing for the “spiritual effectiveness” of entirely performative and useless rituals, saying that ensuring his clients left his office fooled and contented was better than actually uncovering genuine supernatural forces and learning all there was to know about them? Why is he going so-so easily now, when he’s made Jon fight tooth and nail in every debate he’s had with the so-called psychic?

At the door, the con man pauses.

“Bouchard-san. You said I could come back if I had a statement to give?”

Elias shifts in his seat, looking bemused. “W-well, yes. That is a service we do provide. Of course, the statement would have to be genuine, and verifiable as such before we let you back into the Archives.”

“We don’t even do that for most of the rubbish we do take,” Tim mutters under his breath, and though Jon is glad he’s not the one being shot a quelling look, he does have to agree.

The con man turns back.

He’s got that smirk on his face that immediately puts Jon’s hackles up on instinct, prepared to argue against whatever inane point he’s come up with now to defend his phony psychic title.

“Gotcha.” Reigen says, far too cheerfully. «Ja ne.»

Then he strolls out of the office, as cool as a cucumber.

Jon could even swear he hears him whistling as he makes his way down the stairs.

There’s a moment of stunned silence.

“I’d do him.” Sasha pipes up, unhelpfully.

“Sasha!” Martin hisses, scandalized. “D-don’t you have a, a—”

“Oh, I don’t have to worry about that.” She remarks, far too blasé for someone in a newly committed relationship. “Tom’s heard about him too, and he agreed he’s just our type.”

“And I’m not?” Tim jokes, but there’s a hard edge to it that Jon’s found himself increasingly familiar with in the past few weeks.

Sasha shrugs with a mischievous little smile, as if that mattered very little to her.

Elias coughs. “Right. Well. Whatever your relations to Mr. Reigen are, please try to limit them to outside the workplace in future.”

The rest of the intervention is surprisingly subdued. Elias gives Jon access to the footage from the cameras in the rest of the Institute, and Tim bodychecks him on the way out of the office, muttering about how nice it must be to never face any consequences for his actions. Sasha follows, the way she won’t meet his eyes a condemnation in its own right.

Even Martin doesn’t say anything to him, just bites his lip and hurries past back down to the Archives. It doesn’t sting. It doesn’t.

Even as he settles in to watch and rewatch the CCTV records of Gertrude’s last week alive, Jon can’t shake the ridiculous feeling of foreboding that’s dogged him since Reigen left.

Most of him wants to say it comes from the fact that despite the fact that Reigen has not appeared in any of the camera records for the Magnus Institute before he started his term as Head Archivist in 2016, isn’t banning him from the Archives just letting the con man run around London with impunity, with no way for Jon to ascertain his movements or motives? That instead of solving a problem, Elias has just given a potential murderer free reign to escape?

But a small part of Jon, one that never could deny the sensation of being watched, that is frozen in second-hand terror whenever he reads a Statement, knows, Knows that it this stems more from the idea that the fraud will actually accomplish what Elias has unwittingly challenged him to do.

The illogical but pervasive surety that he will do so.

Jon’s not sure if he’s more afraid that Reigen Arataka will vanish entirely, another unfortunate victim become an unsolved mystery.

Or that he’ll come back, and bring whatever he’s managed to unearth on his insane quest with him.

[killianmesmalls]

On your comments about Jack: ye-es, in the sense that Jack is a character who definitely deserved better than he was treated by the characters. The way Dean especially treats him reflects very badly on Dean, no question. But, speaking as a viewer, I think the perspective needs to shift a little bit.

To me, Jack is Dawn from Buffy, or Scrappy Doo. He’s an (in my opinion) irritating kid who is introduced out of nowhere to be both super vulnerable and super OP, and the jeopardy is centered around him in a way that has nothing to do with his actual character or relationships. He’s mostly around to be cute and to solve or create problems — he never has any firm character arcs or goals of his own, nor any deeper purpose in the meta narrative. In this way, he’s a miss for SPN, which focuses heavily on conflicts as metaphors for real life.

Mary fits so much better in that framework, and introducing her as a developed, flawed person works really well with the narrative. It is easy for us to care about Mary, both as the dead perfect mother on the pedestal and as the flawed, human woman who could not live up to her sons’ expectations. That connection is built into the core of SPN, and was developed over years, even before she was a character. When she was added, she was given depth and nuance organically, and treated as a flawed, complex character rather than as a plot device or a contrivance. She was given a voice and independence, and became a powerful metaphor for developing new understandings of our parents in adulthood, as well as an interesting and well-rounded character. You care that she’s dead, not just because Sam and Dean are sad, but for the loss of her development and the potential she offered. So, in that sense, I think a lot of people were frustrated that she died essentially fridged for a second time, and especially in service of the arc of a weaker character.

And like, you’re right, no one can figure out if Jack is a toddler or a teenager. He’s both and he’s neither, because he’s never anything consistently and his character arc is always “whatever the plot needs it to be.” Every episode is different. Is he Dean’s sunny opportunity to be a parent and make up for his dad’s shitty parenting? Yes! Is he also Dean’s worst failure and a reminder that he has done many horrible things, including to “innocent” children? Yes! Is he Cas’s child? Yes! Is he Dean’s child? Yes! But also, no! Is he Sam’s child? Yes! Is he a lonely teenager who does terrible things? Yes! Is he a totally innocent little lamb who doesn’t get why what he is doing is wrong? Yes! Is he the most powerful being in the universe? Yes! Does he need everyone to take care of him? Yes! Is he just along for the ride? Yes! Is he responsible for his actions? Kinda??? Sometimes??? What is he???

Mary as a character is narratively cohesive and fleshed-out. Jack is a mishmash of confusing whatever’s that all add up to a frustrating plot device with no consistent traits to latch on to. Everything that fans like about him (cute outfits, gender play, well-developed parental bonds with the characters) is fanon. So, yes, the narrative prioritizes Mary. Many fans prioritize Mary, at least enough that Dean’s most heinous acts barely register. To the narrative (not to Cas, which is a totally different situation), Jack is only barely more of a character than Emma Winchester, who Sam killed without uproar seasons earlier. He’s been around longer, but he’s equally not really real.

I debated on responding to this because, to tell the truth, I think we fundamentally disagree on a number of subjects and, as they say, true insanity is arguing with anyone on the internet. However, you spent a lot of time on the above and I feel it's only fair to say my thoughts, even if I don't believe it will sway you any more than what you said changed my opinions.

I'm assuming this was in response to this post regarding how Jack's accidental killing of Mary was treated so severely by the brothers, particularly Dean, because it was Mary and, had it been a random character like the security guard in 13x06, it would have been treated far differently. However, then the argument becomes less about the reaction of the Winchester brothers to this incident and more the value of Jack or Mary to the audience.

I believe we need to first admit that both characters are inherently archetypes—Mary as the Madonna character initially then, later, as a metaphor for how imperfect and truly human our parents are compared to the idol we have as children, and Jack as the overpowered child who is a Jesus allegory by the end. Both have a function within the story to serve the Winchester brothers, through whose lens and with whose biases we are meant to view the show's events. We also need to admit that the writers didn't think more than a season ahead for either character, especially since it wasn't initially supposed to be Mary that came back at the end of season 11 but John, and they only wrote enough for Jack in season 13 to gauge whether or not the audience would want him to continue on or if he needed to be killed off by the end of the season. Now, I know we curate our own experiences online which leads to us being in our own fandom echo chambers, however it is important to note that the character was immediately successful enough with the general audience that, after his first episode or two, he was basically guaranteed a longer future on the show.

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure why the perspective of how his character is processed by some audience members versus others has any bearing on the argument that he deserved to be treated better overall by the other characters especially when taking their own previous actions in mind. I’m not going to tell you that your opinion is wrong regarding your feelings for Jack. It’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, it harms no one to have it and express it. My feelings on Jack are clearly very different from your own, but this is really just two different people who processed a fictional person in different ways. I personally believe he has a purpose in the Winchesters’ story, including Castiel’s, as he reflects certain aspects of all of them, gives them a way to explore their own histories through a different perspective, and changes the overall dynamic of Team Free Will from “soldiers in arms” to a family (Misha’s words). In the beginning he allows Sam to work through his past as the “freak” and powerful, dangerous boy wonder destined to bring hell on earth. With Dean, his presence lets Dean work through his issues with John and asks whether he will let history repeat itself or if he’ll work to break the cycle. Regarding Cas, in my opinion he helps the angel reach his “final form” of a father, member of a family, lover and protector of humanity, rebellious son, and the true show of free will. 

From strictly the story, he has several arcs that work within themes explored in Supernatural, such as the argument of nature versus nurture, the question of what we’re willing to give up in order to protect something or someone else and how ends justify the means, and the struggle between feeling helpless and powerless versus the corruptive nature of having too much power and the dangerous lack of a moral compass. His goals are mentioned and on display throughout his stint on the show, ones that are truly relatable to some viewers: the strong desire to belong—the need for family and what you’ll do to find and keep it. 

With Mary, we first need to establish whether the two versions of her were a writing flaw due to the constant change in who was dictating her story and her relationship to the boys, which goes against the idea that her characterization was cohesive and fleshed-out but, rather, put together when needed for convenience, or if they both exist because, as stated above, we are seeing the show primarily through the biased lens of the Winchester brothers and come to face facts about the true Mary as they do. Like I said in my previous post, I don’t dislike Mary and I don’t blame her for her death (either one). However, I do have a hard time seeing her as a more nuanced, fleshed-out character than Jack. True, a lot of her problems are more adult in nature considering she has to struggle with losing her sons’ formative years and meeting them as whole adults she knows almost nothing about, all because of a choice she made before they were born. 

However, her personal struggles being more “mature” in nature (as they center primarily on parental battles) doesn’t necessarily mean her story has layers and Jack’s does not. They are entirely different but sometimes interconnected in a way that adds to both of their arcs, like Mary taking Jack on as an adoptive son which gives her the moments of parenting she lost with Sam and Dean, and Jack having Mary as a parental figure who understands and supports him gives him that sense of belonging he had just been struggling with to the point of running away while he is also given the chance to show “even monsters can do good”. 

I’d also argue that Jack being many ages at once isn’t poor writing so much as a metaphor for how, even if you’re forced to grow up fast, that doesn’t mean you’re a fully equipped adult. I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I believe Jack simultaneously taking a lot of responsibility and constantly trying to prove to others he’s useful while having childish moments is relatable to some who were forced to play an adult role at a young age. He proves a number of times that he doesn’t need everyone to take care of him, but he also has limited life experience and, as such, will make some mistakes while he’s also being a valuable member of the group. Jack constantly exists on a fine line in multiple respects. Some may see that as a writing flaw but it is who the character was conceived to be: the balance between nature or nurture, between good and evil, between savior and devil. 

Now, I was also frustrated Mary was “fridged” for a second time. It really provided no other purpose than to give the brothers more man pain to further the plot along. However, this can exist while also acknowledging that the way it happened and the subsequent fallout for Jack was also unnecessary and a sign of blatant hypocrisy from Dean, primarily, and Sam. 

And, yes, Jack can be different things at once because, I mean, can’t we all? If Mary can be both the perfect mother and the flawed, independent, distant parent, can’t Jack be the sweet kid who helps his father-figures process their own feelings on fatherhood while also being a lost young-adult forcing them to face their failures? Both characters contain multitudes because, I mean, we all do. 

I can provide articles or posts on Jack’s characterization and popularity along with Mary’s if needed, but for now I think this is a long enough ramble on my thoughts and feelings. I’m happy to discuss more, my messenger is always open for (polite) discussion. Until then, I’m going to leave it at we maybe agree to disagree. 

[sou-ver-2-0]

Why calling it "logic versus emotion" makes sense

At the end of chapter 2 in Your Turn To Die, the player is forced to choose between killing Sou or Kanna. Kanna frames this as a choice between "logic" and "emotion," where saving Sou is the "logical" choice and saving Kanna is the "emotional" choice. 

Personally, I love the writing in this part. I think it's the strongest writing in the whole game. However, since joining the YTTD fandom, I've read various posts from fans who don't like calling this a simple choice between "logic" and "emotion." For them, it felt like an emotional choice to save Sou, while it was a logical choice to save Kanna. After seeing this argument so many times, I decided to unpack my feelings on it. I also wanted to write my own defense of why calling this a choice between "logic" and "emotion" makes sense, at least to me. For me, it all comes down to how it’s written as a choice between two opposing worldviews, and I don’t focus on the little technicalities. I’ll also argue that the game is using descriptive language, rather than prescriptive language.

But first, we have to deal with a strange irony about this choice:

For the genre-savvy player, yes, it IS "logical" to save Kanna and "emotional" to save Sou.

Before writing anything about this choice, I need to acknowledge that Sara and the Player are two different people. They're obviously connected, and they inform each other's feelings and choices, but they still exist in different worlds. Sara is actually trapped in a Death Game. The Player is vicariously experiencing what it would be like to be trapped in a Death Game through a fictional story.

I'm not going to argue that Sara necessarily likes Kanna more than she likes Sou, and thus it is more "emotional" for her to save Kanna. It's possible to play Sara as someone who isn't that affectionate of Kanna, and she can act generously towards Sou. That's not the main issue here.

The issue is that the Player expects the fictional story to go in certain directions based on the morality of their choices, while Sara has no such meta expectations. The Player can reasonably expect to be rewarded with a happy ending at the end of YTTD if they make the "correct" moral choices. Saving Kanna feels like the "morally correct" choice on a gut level because she's a child, while Sou is an adult. So the Player may choose to save Kanna purely for logical reasons. They're not trying to be selfless or wise; they just want a reward from a videogame. And...they're not wrong! Immediately after saving Kanna, the player is rewarded with a cathartic scene with Joe, cluing us in to the idea that choosing Kanna is the "good path." 

Meanwhile, if the Player saves Sou, they're saving him in spite of knowing that this could logically lead to a "dark path." You might save Sou because he's a fascinating character, or because you're curious what will happen, or simply because you think he's cute. These are all emotional reasons. Maybe you don't expect any "happy" rewards if you save Sou, but you still expect the story to be exciting with him around.  

Speaking for myself, I want to see both the Kanna and Sou routes for reasons that are both emotional and logical. I sympathize with both characters, and I want to analyze them as they continue their arcs. I just think they're great characters connected to fascinating themes about humanity.

In other words, the Player is going to have all sorts of feelings about this choice based on the safety of their separation from the Death Game. It's only a videogame to us. We're not actually killing a child or a young man. We still feel sad about the story, but it's a safe sadness, one we can control. You can make your choice based on which type of tragedy is more interesting to you in the moment.

So that's how the Player experiences the choice, but what about Sara? Does it still make sense to call it a decision between "logic" and "emotion" for her? I would argue, "yes." First of all...

"Logic" and "emotion" are descriptive terms for the argument styles of Kanna and Sou, respectively. 

Using "descriptive" terminology means that we attempt to classify language as it is actually being used. Using "prescriptive" terminology means that we dictate how we should be using language.

When Kanna calls this a choice between logic and emotion, you might have thought she was being prescriptive. You might have thought something like, "You can't tell me how I should feel about this." But I think Kanna was simply being descriptive of the language she and Sou were using. It's a fair assessment of their opposing argument styles.

Kanna argues that you should vote for her by appealing to your sense of logic. She eloquently makes the case that Sou has proven himself invaluable to the team with his computer hacking skills. He came extremely close to finding an escape route just before the second Main Game began. With more time, he could find another one. If he dies, there is no one else in their party with his valuable skill set. She also effectively weaponizes her own helplessness by arguing that she is a "useless" child. She states that dying for the greater good "is the only thing she can do." What I love about Kanna's argument is how she twists Sou's own words against him, since Sou has been using coldhearted logical arguments since the beginning. She shows how much she's learned from him, and she's even able to outsmart him.

Sou argues that you should vote for him by appealing to your emotions. He furiously makes the case that he is the most hated member of the team and that you should give into your hatred of him. He says that the choice ought to be obvious based on your feelings. He calls Kanna stupid. He keeps shouting "Stop!" and "No!" He waves his arms in despair. He resorts to threats and exclaims that he will never forgive anyone who votes for Kanna. Sou's argument is compelling because we have never seen him so vulnerable before. Even with his strong will to live, he has an even more desperate will to save the little girl he's grown to care for. It's devastating to watch such a man break down. After losing his previous eloquence, he is forced to bare his soul and pray that that is enough.

However, even with all that in mind, you could still argue on a technicality that some of Kanna's statements are emotional while some of Sou's statements are logical. For example, when Kanna says that she is useless, this reflects her emotional state since she has low self-esteem. And when Sou starts threatening people, it's logical to take his threats seriously. 

But there's something deeper at work here than technicalities. There's still something at the core of their arguments that makes the choice to save Sou "logical" and Kanna "emotional."

At its core, this debate is about how to measure a human life's worth. Do you measure a human life based on how "useful" they are? Or do you recognize a person's worth based on their humanity alone? 

This is a choice between two worldviews, which the story calls "logical" and "emotional." 

In the logical worldview, you prioritize a person's usefulness over their humanity for the greater good. Also, you must be willing to use people like tools for the greater good.

In the emotional worldview, you refuse to reject anyone's humanity, even if it threatens the greater good. Also, you must accept that some moral causes are more important than survival. 

If you vote to save Sou, then Sara prioritizes the greater good; theoretically, the group can use Sou to escape. But being willing to use Sou this way rejects Sou's humanity, because we would be using his talents against his will. For Sou, escape is not worth the cost of Kanna's life. Sara also rejects her own humanity by treating both Sou and Kanna as objects instead of people. Kanna is discarded as a useless object, while Sou is kept as a potentially useful one. This is why Sara guiltily calls this "the worst possible choice" when she makes it. And it's why Sou seems to care more about revenge than survival in this route; there is no meaning in a world where we must sacrifice children.

If you vote to save Kanna, Sara does so knowing it may be harder for the group to escape without Sou's skills. But she embraces Sou's humanity by allowing him to follow his heart. She also strengthens her own humanity by refusing to cross a moral line. This is why Sou actually keeps his will to live in this route and mounts a desperate escape before his death. Because there's still meaning in a world where Kanna is allowed to live. He still dies, but with peace and purpose, and having repaid Sara for freeing his true heart.

In any case, you may still disagree with the semantics of "logic" and "emotion" to describe these worldviews, though they work for me personally. I have one more point to address.

Is it really logical to save someone who threatens you?

At this point, I'd like to talk about the most logical member of the group, the character who immediately votes to kill Kanna: Keiji Shinogi.

You, the Player, may believe that Sou will get his revenge if he lives, because it would make a compelling story. And Sara, a high-school student, may be reasonably afraid of Sou's threats, because Sou has tried to hurt her before. Even though the text doesn't portray Sara as being afraid of Sou in this moment, I understand why the Player would fear for Sara's life. In other words, a logical reason to kill Sou is because you don't believe you can control him. How do you force an adult man to behave?

Enter Keiji Shinogi, who doesn't hesitate. Keiji is stronger than Sou, and he's wicked smart. He's confident in his own abilities. And he understands vengeance better than anyone. He doesn't underestimate Sou, who has outwitted him before, but he decides to accept the risk. Like Sou, Keiji has a ruthless will. I believe that one reason Keiji voted first was because he wanted to assure everyone that "your friendly policeman" would keep Sou in line. So even though Sara doesn't act afraid of Sou in this moment, Keiji is there to calm any hypothetical fears the Player has. 

And Keiji commits to this role! In the beginning of Chapter 3, in the route where Kanna dies, the first thing Sou does is disturb the group peace. He puts on his "tough" mask and pretends that he never really cared about Kanna. In response, as everyone else is fidgeting nervously, Keiji laughs and calls out Sou on his bullshit. He eviscerates Sou emotionally, effectively putting Sou in his place and forcing him to be submissive, for now. It's Keiji's way of reminding Sou that they already know how weak he is, and Sou isn't going to get away with any tricks under Keiji's watch. Even if Sou's only "trick" in this case is to pretend he has any pride left.

From a storytelling perspective, I'm sure that these two will keep playing their power games, and Sou is likely to regain the upper-hand eventually. But from an in-universe perspective, Keiji looks like he knows exactly what he's doing in this scene, and Sou looks like a fool who better do what he's told. That is, if he doesn't want Keiji to skewer his heart in front of everyone again.

So where am I going with this?

My most generous interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he decided that Sou's life had value inasmuch as he could use Sou. After all, it's not like Keiji spared Sou out of compassion. Keiji just said that he hated Sou more than anyone he's ever known--and Keiji already killed someone else he hated. The harsher interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he fully expects Sou to die later due to his zero percent survival rate, which would make Kanna's presence technically more of a "threat" to Keiji's own survival. However, I prefer to think that Keiji was swayed by Kanna's brilliant defense of Sou's usefulness. That's because Keiji isn't a simple monster; he's a complex man who still wants to "serve and protect" the group...in his own way.

To follow in Keiji's footsteps and vote with "logic" means that Sara decides to trust Keiji's judgment. We know that Keiji is one of the smartest and strongest characters, in addition to being Sara's reliable ally. This is why I think it's still "logical" for Sara to save Sou in spite of his threats. Because Keiji is still there. 

Conclusion

That's why framing the choice as one between "logic" and "emotion" works for me. I see it as a choice between two worldviews, one in which people are valued for their usefulness, and the other in which people are valued for their humanity. 

I understand that the Player is going to have their own thoughts and feelings about this choice. Believe me, I was heartbroken too! I really wanted Sou to redeem himself and live. And I think Sara even feels the same way, since she pleads "Don't kill our ally!" when Safalin threatens Sou. It's still possible that Sou could redeem himself in the route where he lives, but I imagine it will be more important that the Player faces consequences for killing Kanna. But no matter what happens in Chapter 3, it doesn't change the fact that it looked possible in Chapter 2 for Sou's skillset to save everyone, and everyone was operating under that mindset.

I think that the writing in this game is stellar so I wanted to defend the story's framing. It surprised me to see folks who had reacted to it differently, but that's all part of the fun. It got me thinking about how interesting it is that the Player and Sara view things differently. It also got me thinking that what seems like a logical choice in the moment could feel like the wrong decision in hindsight.

Thanks for reading!