#this is obviously not about mutuals (it happened a while ago w/ another blog & i never got to take it off my chest)

[ruskayas]

above all things, yelena is strictly malleable & easily influenced by most things/people/events. if you think she is set on herself and strong-willed, or unchangeable by the environment and its influences, your guess would be faulty. her self-image is incredibly distorted and unstable & her paranoia ubiquitous. i cannot stress enough how her condition drives every aspect of her life & how wrong you’d be in assuming how she’s going to act in threads. it is her experience, and she does not need to fit your own patriarchal standards.

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn’t going to address this bc I’m pretty sure it will accomplish nothing bc people will believe whatever they want to believe - but, well, at least *I’d* feel better getting my side of the story out and then moving on with my life.

Cut for length.

I’m aware that the fallout of my “controversial” post has several people upset. I have seen, over the past 24 hours, several vagueposts about me. I have seen one user in particular (who I am not going to tag but I’m sure she knows who she is, what's up) make *several* posts about how I’ve betrayed her. I have seen that I am now a “toxic possie,” that I am gaslighting people into thinking they misinterpreted me, that I have “out of nowhere” changed, become toxic, or suddenly have a problem with people I’ve been mutuals with for years for “no apparent reason.” I have *also* seen that I don’t want to be proven wrong, that I can’t handle the inevitable backlash of what I’ve said, that I don’t know what torture is or what narrative framing is. And that I have been “pretending” to be on one side all this time, that I am now slandering the takes that I’ve previously defended, etc.

And I just need to say - for one thing, what in the actual fuck are you talking about by saying I’m GASLIGHTING you, but for another thing, if you truly think that my POV is coming out of nowhere, with no apparent provocation, you clearly haven’t been paying attention.

And I mean, that’s fine, whatever, but just for the record? I got fed up MONTHS AGO. Some of you I unfollowed a long time ago (thanks for noticing!), some of you I blocked way before my post was even a thing (what’s up!) and some of you I was never fucking following in the first place, nor have I ever even had a conversation with you (or if I have, it’s been brief and in passing on some post or another). And I wasn’t following you nor did I ever attempt to befriend you because I don’t agree with most of your takes and don’t want to engage with them.

To the person who thinks I deliberately betrayed them, specifically - I don’t even KNOW YOU. Most of the time I’m hardly aware that you exist, until your posts cross my dash due to the mutuals we had in common, and I’m not impressed with what I’ve seen. It’s not your response to anons that have sent you hate and death threats that I take issue with - obviously no one deserves that and you’re free to defend yourself from it however you like. My issue is that I have seen you and others hop on posts that started out either neutral or positive and turned them negative by reminding everyone that the series is harmful, that Sylvie is abusive, that Mobius is a torturer, that the TVA being fascist means that the show is pro-fascist (and I’m the one who doesn’t understand narrative framing? Please.) etc etc etc and it’s fucking exhausting. This has happened to a few of my own posts, too, and I’ve watched them spiral into seriously negative posts that I didn’t want my name attached to bc I didn’t agree w/ the direction the arguments were taking.

So when I saw you reblog my Mobius post and saw notes start coming in from series-negative people, I said, NOPE. And like I said, I’m glad I did bc the result was that I feel I ended up having fruitful conversations. I don’t want to be proven wrong? I WAS proven wrong. I ACCEPTED that I was proven wrong. I am FINE with being proven wrong. I’m not fine with trying to navigate my way through vitriol to defend myself against people who are so quick and immediate to accuse others of being abuse apologists, toxic, pro-torture, gaslighters, and whatever else takes I have seen in the last day, who aren’t going to listen to me anyway. I'm surprised I haven't been accused of being a terf yet (unless I have and I just haven't seen it). (And also I’m not taking the post down bc while I agree it was harmful, it was also productive and also it’s my fucking blog and I can keep up whatever I’d like, but thanks for adding some pro-censorship vibes to this dumpster fire.)

I haven’t “switched sides.” I was never on a side to begin with, which I have repeatedly said since this series started airing. I have defended a lot of you, absolutely, bc I don’t think anyone should be bullied for their takes and I don’t think criticism should be discouraged. I still feel that way.

But for months now, my efforts to be neutral and/or to stick up for people I thought were my friends have been ignored and unreciprocated, people I thought were my friends posted my meta in their discord servers to attack it, people stopped tagging their negativity, making it impossible for me to curate my fandom experience, etc. I have gone out of my way to apologize to people if I’ve hurt them, I have held my tongue so that I *wouldn’t* hurt anyone’s feelings even though I thought their takes were trash. All to no avail.

I’ve BEEN fed up. The fact that those of you this applies to are only JUST NOW noticing? Really just proves my point: y’all don’t actually give a shit about me, you’re just mad that I’m not holding my tongue anymore so you can go on thinking that good ol’ non-toxic artichoke is on your side. I'd say I'm surprised with how quickly you jumped to assuming the absolute worst about me, except I'm not surprised at all.

I am 1000% sure I am going to regret posting this, but I'm not unblocking anyone I've blocked, so if you have shit to say, go ahead; I won't be seeing it. Think whatever you want to think about me. If I haven't blocked you but you no longer wish to follow me or be mutuals with me or think I'm an asshole, feel free to leave. Peace out. I don't care anymore. It was nice knowing you until it wasn't; I'm 500% done with the way things are in this fandom.

[fatebreaking-a]

In an effort to not spam the dash. I wrote all these at 4 am so they may not make sense. Go find your section underneath:

( @sacredtempest , @sparrowofthesands , @hacion , @tidal-wanderer , @fxlgurkinesis , @hugefy-me / @darkseraphscorner​ )

sacredtempest:

You’re a nerd, ilu. Your support of me over the years has been a blessing and the fact that even though we RP less ( kind of? D&D hype-! ) we’re still chums is... well, it’s nice. Even though your dreams of Fieram being a real boy scare me. :T But your creative mind and your unique aesthetic taste is something that shines through, as is your sass.

Listen, the octagonal house still doesn’t make sense, okay. It doesn’t.

Not a lot I can say to someone I spend 3 hours with a week and sometimes talk to late into the night as well. You’ve seen my lows and my highs, and we’re still riding this ride. Thumbs up. You’re pretty hella. 

sparrowofthesands: 

dang dude that’s a lotta hearts. So listen, even though we don’t RP a ton together, you’re someone I see as consistently decent. And so while I appreciate your support of me ( a whole bunch, seeing you be like ‘tall sona is good sona’ is delightful ), I also really appreciate that I can kind of count on you to just be a decent person. Not a perfect person, not a saint-like person, but a decent human being. Someone who tries to help others, cheers them on, etc etc- I’m always hoping for the continued success of your charity streams. The ‘outward looking’ attitude you have is really nice. You’re good people, trying to do what you can in the way that you can. It’s cool stuff. Also being the ‘beach episode’ to your ‘zombie apocalypse’ was pretty fun, honestly. I still cackle at it. ( Also your other blogs are pretty cool too )

hacion:

me, having flashbacks to the 5 part saga of our characters and their friendship, cool dancing moment ( still an all time favorite for moments with a lot of depth ), betrayal. Also your strong inspiration for my own portrayal of ‘Lista... I weep. So good. You were my benchmark.

Listen I think you’re pretty great. I’ve known you since you were a little sproutling, but having reconnected with you now? It’s been so good to hear about you spreading your wings ( or branches, for the sake of the analogy ). and to see you grow as a person. A couple years ago, I had the distinct feeling that you were someone that I ought to just... hope for the best for. That you were really on your way, and all on your own, you’d end up being amazing - I just had to do my duty as your older friend and watch ( and give a thumbs up whenever you looked my way ). Maybe that was arrogant or condescending of me. I dunno. But!

You did. You’re pretty amazing. You’re doing great things, but you’ve also grown a lot. You seem... not only more mature, but more confident in yourself, but you haven’t lost sight of yourself and the things that are important to you. You still seem as genuine as ever. I can’t put my finger on it but, talking to you now...

I’m just happy for you. It feels like watching the neighborhood kids grow up. I always have your back if you need it, you know I’m in your corner if you ever need anything. Oh and ofc, thank you for your kind words and I’m glad you approve of my various portrayals :^)

Also we should talk about my revamped OC except superhero because someone needs to bug Helen.

tidal-wanderer:

First of all, obviously, thank you. Second of all, Peachieeeeeeeeeeee...

Aaaaah. Really, thank you. For you to approve of my So/na means a heck of a lot ( I still remember the So/na server w/ you & Tea and a bunch of other people tbh ). 

Third of all, let me just say that I adore your interpretation of Nemnems. You mix a curiosity into poise that works delightfully well, and it’s a treat to just keep an eye on. Also, since I have a moment to say it - I’m glad you’re finding new comfort zones and setting boundaries more. Seeing you stick up for yourself more- It’s just good. It’s good to see that because it also feels like, ‘wow ok I’m not the only one, I’m not being a petty complainer’. Anyway all of this is meant to really mean ‘I appreciate you’, because I think you’re pretty delightful. I hope we can stay cool mutuals / peeps in the future and if you ever need someone to wave a flag of support, I gotchu. Anyway, bottom line: Dang, you’re neat, and thank you. 

fxlgurkinesis :

You are so fucking nice I almost can’t believe it, what the heck.

Okay let me rewind that. First. Thanks! Writing with you is an absolute blast, you’re real neat to talk to, and the angst we pour into everything is pretty A+. Also tearing out your heart with cosmic Ori content heheheheh. I’m glad you like our interactions and also that So/na is neato to you.

Okay now it’s compliment time again. So I repeat, what the heck. So, before your hiatus, I did kinda skulk around and cheer from afar and sometimes send you nice asks but... I mean, we didn’t know each other. Ofc. The strange thing was that everyone seemed to be absolutely thrilled with you. ‘Oh but that’s just because I’m popular for some reason?’ No no no no. Nope. I mean everyone was thrilled by you. I’ve never heard anyone say anything bad about you ever to the point where I went “ok so is this person a literal angel or what?”

Turns out you’re a literal angel.

It is so unbelievably rare to, unprompted, hear someone say nice things about another person. It just is. While people love to talk to each other and talk about various things going on, it’s rare for someone to mention an outside party and take the time to just praise them for no reason. It doesn’t really happen... Except when you’re involved, apparently. No joke. I can mention it without revealing who said nice things about you but- Really, that’s a sign that you’re spectacular.

And I agree. You’re super easy to talk to but I can also trust that you’re genuine and I hope you don’t ever feel pushed around by me! That and you just taking the time to talk to me even though we didn’t know each other much when I was struggling, your constant support.

Just.

Heck. You’re great and you should know it. 

hugefy-me:

Listen. Well, first of all: Hey thank you. That you like me writing is pretty darn rad.

Okay now listen. Listen, listen, listen- There’s such a small space to exist in that is simultaneously serious and silly without toppling so far in either direction that it becomes impossible to recenter. Too much silly and you won’t be taken seriously, and vice versa.

Somehow, somehow, you’ve managed the astounding feat of writing Lu/lu ( bless her heart ) as both of these things and still maintained a balance somehow. She can be both serious and silly and people don’t double take or misread her. And you’ve done that while also setting up ‘sunday traps’. 

Huh? It’s genius, right? It really is some kind of incomprehensible genius that puts your Lu/lu in such a unique position.So, let me also say that I so appreciate your portrayal. Not only for this weird balance, but for the refreshing cheer it brings to my dash - it really just seems like you’re having fun, and that’s so nice to see. You’re a delightful presence on the dash and also sorry for getting tired / running out of time and dropping small interaction threads with you literally constantly.

cutmystrxngs:

haha I’m pretty cool aren’t I. nice job, me. 

[briannafrostgirl]

1-25 cause i'm an asshole girlfriend XOX

Love you baby ❤️

1. what is your gender? Can I say Amazon?

2. what are your pronouns? she/her/hers

3. what is your gender presentation like? Hmm... IDK. I think I’m more of a femme, but my dress style is a little butch

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? Cute crop top and short shorts

5. what makes you feel validated? Being complimented on my hair, clothes, makeup, ect. Tbh, it doesn’t happen nearly enough and it really helps.

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)? Hmm... my legs - I’ve always kind of liked the shape of them. My hair - it’s a mess a lot of the time, but it’s a beautiful mess. My lips - they’re probably my most feminine feature and I’m very fond of them. My eyes - don’t know why, just like em. Can I say my breasts? They’re really cute, lol

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor? A few good options I can’t quite remember, but probably this:  https://samael.tumblr.com/post/146212141815/khatoblepas-there-they-are-the-two-genders

8. how did you pick your name? To be honest, i got it from a Lonely Hearts Club doll and then it became the name of my first Wizard101 character. Yes, I was that girl growing up. Then it was an account name/gamer tag. By the time it was time to pick a name, I kind of had always known what it should be.

9. what does your name mean? It’s celtic (like me lol) and it means strong. 

10. do you have any trans pride merch? A trans flag sports bra, a trans flag hat, and a trans flag shirt that I designed myself. I love them all very much

11. recent happy trans moment? This is pretty depressing, but I’m struggling to remember something very recent. I can remember a time a while ago where I was taking pictures of myself naked and I felt very feminine, so maybe that

12. favorite trans headcanon? Black Widow

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?) Going with a 2nd headcannon because I keep not watching the few shows with good trans rep in favor of watching the same cis-centric shows and movies again and again, because I hate starting new shows.

I’ve been headcannoning Ryder from Mass Effect Andromeda as a trans woman for a while now, but lately I said fuck it and now Shepard’s trans too. Whoops ;)

14. favorite trans blog(s)/trans blogger(s)? Oh no! There’s so many!! Aaagh! I follow a lot of really amazing trans bloggers, so no shade at all to anyone not on this list. You’re all amazing and I value you all. 

Now, onto the list. I mean, obviously @sagaofsarahrose  ❤️ She’s incredible and if you’re not following her, you should be. @skylightsofmylife @latex-tiddettes @thefiresontheheight @casey-is-a-jazzpunk and @themaddahlia are all super cool folx who do lots of funny/inspiring/really fucking neat stuff. And like, a million other cool trans people I follow here and on Instagram (less than subtle instagram plug)

15. favorite trans celebrity? I have a soft spot for Teddy Geiger, cause a) my girlfriend loves her and b) I feel like I don’t see enough trans wlw rep in the little mainstream rep we do have, so it warms my heart to see her and her fiance so happy together. Also I just found out she co-wrote one of my favorite One Direction songs, so...

16. song that gives you Big Trans Feels? Can’t Trust the News and Lived a Life by Enter The Haggis 

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self? That being a girl is something you can just do. You don’t have to keep living like this just cause no one ever told you there’s another way. Like hell, that fucked me up so bad growing up. Cause I wanted to be a girl, but I didn’t think there was any way I could. Fuck...

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be? Somewhere between lesbian Irish farmhand and lesbian cowgirl. Lesbian

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality? Hmm... kind of a hard one to answer TBH. I think I knew (subconsciously) that I was a lesbian before I knew that I was a woman. But, because at the time I thought I was a straight man, I didn’t feel great about how much I was interested in lesbians. Even now, as a lesbian myself, I still grapple with some guilt and shame when seeking out wlw content (something terfs do not help with in the slightest)

So I guess, I would say they’re intertwined. I don’t know what it would be like to have one without the other and I’m glad I don’t have to (no disrespect to cis lesbians or straight trans people, y’all are valid as fuck. I just personally am very happy with how my gender and sexuality intersect) 

20. do you have a comfort item? I have an emotional support mermaid. Does that count? Her name is Helena

21. what makes you feel euphoric? When my girlfriend says I’m beautiful ❤️/ any time I’m out w/ my mom or sister and some one says “you ladies”

22. what genre of media would you love to see more trans characters in? Superhero movies, video games, Disney princess movies, and Star Trek. Specifically as protagonists and love interests in all of those. Basically just all the things I enjoy (which are all coincidentally absurdly slow with any kind of LGBTQ rep)

23. claim something as trans culture. Someone else has probably done this, but D&D. D&D was one of my favorite things to do growing up, but I’ve only allowed myself to come back to it as a woman and sorta... reclaim it, I guess. So yeah, D&D is now a trans thing (tm) and everyone else has to ask our permission to play (but like, just don’t be a transphobic, queerphobic, homophbic, racist, ableist, sexist, exclusionist dick and we’ll probably let you in)

24. give some love to your trans friends/mutuals (alt: give some love to the trans community in general) Hmm.. I’m not entirely sure what this one means. But if you’re trans (offer not valid for transmeds cause why you gate-keeping? The cis (tm) don’t need our help babe) I love you  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

25. what's your favorite part of being trans? Getting to be me

[kristmullet]

My Journey to Delmar

Wow, blog #3! Who knew I had it in me??

My love life(if it could be called that) was never fun and mostly just confusing and messy until I found my husband. 

I’d had crushes on boys when I was young but my first “boyfriend”(psh!)  was in 8th grade. Back then I had a group of friends that was pretty evenly mixed boys and girls. At that time, we all basically played square dance with each other(it was just a case of switching partners when the last girl was done with whoever she was “dating” at the time. embarrassing, I know). My first actual guy who acknowledged the mutual crush we had on each other and put that boyfriend/girlfriend label on us was a boy named “B” (names changed out of embarrassment). He was sweet, funny, somewhat shy as well, but never seemed embarrassed of me. It was a quick, young thing that ended for reasons I’m not sure(patterns start here). I casually dated/crushed on other “square dance partners” from that friend group with little heartbreak or consequence. It seemed like I always had more feelings for them than they ever had for me(also pattern). I was friends lots of guys as well at school just because they were generally more fun/funny than the girls. My style at that time also started to transition to more of a punk/emo style that made me feel more comfortable and like myself. 

Anyway, my next, more serious, “square dance partner” in that friends group started innocently enough, with pretty little thought that this one would actually change my life pretty intensely. This relationship started out pretty chill. Mostly just hanging out, taking walks, sitting together at parties(if they could be called parties). “O” was even my first kiss. Sadly, this was a time I initiated and felt like I was more into him than he was to me. We started hanging out more and more and with my close friends less and less. He started to lightly pressure me and guilt me in little ways that I didn’t even really notice. He would make small comments about things he liked and disliked about me. Sometimes he would contradict himself but I just assumed I misunderstood him the first time. He would even tell me things that I knew instinctively(!) were lies and stories but I just figured I was wrong. Slowly his moods, attitudes, preferences would start going from one extreme to another. His stories got more unbelievable but they also preyed on my want/need to help and take care of others. He had claims of abuse, neglect, being poor, but all of it had a ring of believe-ability to it all. So I always tried to protect and help in whatever way I could, even financially.  With his swinging preferences, one day he would love my style, then say I was a “poser.” He wanted me to be a “bad girl”, then wanted me to be more “innocent.” He would love my curves, tell me I was fat, tell me to leave alone, then call me and tell me not to hang up for hours. Make me stay with him while he cried and tell me to go F*** myself basically. I sincerely stopped believing everything that I thought. **Big disclaimer: Ladies, Always trust your instincts. Don’t brush off that nagging voice. If you think someone is lying to you, they probably are. For those of you believers, I fully believe this nagging women’s intuition that people always talk about is the holy spirit trying to guide you. Don’t ignore that gut feeling. It can save you time, money, energy, heart break, and possibly your life. I’m not exaggerating when I say there are times I think this intuition saved my life.**

I second guessed everything. I mean everything. What I thought, wore, said, how I acted, even as little as what I listened to with my music. I would talk to my few remaining friends about him but I shielded him. I made everything sound less bad. I cannot stress to you how much he just straight up made me think I was wrong. Always wrong.  I went from having normal female teenage emotions to my feelings predicated on his and his swung so hard that I felt just sad and anxious so much of the time. I didn’t even realize it either. Hindsight has cleared this up so much. So how the hell was I supposed to get away from this? I didn’t! I believe 100% that God used his mood swings to save me. He decided he hated his life in Indiana so much that he ran away to his biological mothers house in Washington. Also around this time he told me that his mother was diagnosed as bipolar and that he thought he was too. This did start to connect the dots for me in some ways but also made me feel like a crap person if I gave up on someone who was mentally ill. He straight out told me that he would never get on medication and never talk to a therapist. He thought it would take out his spirit of who he was(or some ridiculous crap like that). Even with this, I was so controlled that I still stayed with his ass. He would call and message at all hours to talk, to beg for us to be together, to cry, to yell, to vent about how terrible his life was. He even would tell me how he hated me but didn’t want to break up, but wanted to get another girlfriend who was better, hotter, would “take care of his needs”, as a second girlfriend. That broke my heart. Destroyed me. Made me feel like a piece of trash that had to be discarded to the side but was kept around for the scraps. 

Finally, one night he flippantly said he wanted to break-up so he could be with this girlfriend(whom he did cheat on me with). I just said OK. I do not think he knew I meant it. He wanted me back almost immediately the next day but I decided I was done. I even eventually had to block him because he was still trying to manipulate me. 

After that, I was a bit more hesitant with my heart. I still tried to just have fun with guys(laugh, make jokes, etc), but I second guessed when I thought I maybe had a crush on someone. Even now looking back, I remember boys pretty obviously flirting with with me but I thought they were actually making fun of me. I couldn’t fathom someone genuinely flirting with someone who looked like me, who was as uncool as me. Sad, huh?

The next guy I even attempted anything with was this super friendly guy I had class with. I crushed on him and I figured he didn’t have  a crush on me but he was kind enough that he’d go to prom with me if I asked(he was a sophomore, so could not go by himself, so it made sense to me to ask him.). He agreed to go and we went. It was a pretty fun night, lots of dancing but nothing too remarkable. At the end of the night, after having an ok time, I got pretty bummed out when he basically left me at that. Polite after that but pretty much stopped being friends. 

After a while, one of my friends invited me to go to a random guy she somewhat knew house to hang(aka she wanted to make out with said dude but didn’t want to go alone). I went, hung(very uncomfortably), and ended up being set up with make-out dudes buddy, “W”. This was another time I was half-sure I was being made fun of or being set up as a total joke. “W” had no balls to even ask me out himself. It was fully ridiculous, BUT, we dated for maybe a month. This was another time where I initiated the first kiss. I basically always felt like a joke with him. Like he was going to throw up when he kissed me. He ended up breaking up with me in front of his bosses house after hanging out the whole evening, just to get back with his ex-girlfriend the next day. Yey for me.

I even met some dumb joker who was a friend of a friend. I think our first interaction was on instant messenger. Two dates, me driving 35 minutes to meet up with him both times. He immediately gets back with his baby mama. I never wanted to admit that one. I will say that these terrible “relationships” all came back to this complete lack of self confidence and respect. I wasn’t worth anything better. Totally thought this. 

After I met my husband, I still continued to have these thoughts. Still wondered when the other shoe would drop. When would he drop me and find out it was all a joke or a lie? Even in the past year, I am realizing I still allowed those things put in my brain long ago to still affect my feelings today. I’m still working today to be more clear and accurate in how I feel and how I look at myself. Also, allowing myself to feel happy and good when someone(AKA hubby) wants me to be happy and feel good. Insane but God is still working in my heart and head. 

Also, I can’t emphasize how much my husband has done to be steady and strong, caring and loving. I know I’ve never told my husband the extent of what happened in my relationships in the past, so the fact that he has always been such a rock is that much more amazing. Whether or he knows it or not, he saved me. Literally saved me from everything I could have put myself through. I could never repay him. Ever. I’ll love him forever. 

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

PSA- How It All Went Down On February 10th

Today is the one year anniversary of when I got into Def Leppard, and how everything on this blog came to be becuase of today. Below is the entire story of how I came across Leppard, and how this blog came about. 

Happy one year!

Let me get one thing clear- I definitely grew up on Def Leppard in one way or another.

My dad’s been a huge fan since ‘83, so of course, I heard their music growing up. However, I didn’t exactly know it was them that I was hearing- I just always heard their name from my dad. I kept my own taste in music, and never paid attention to them (since I didn’t exactly know who they were).

So, the road to my current state of Leppard-loving actually began at the beginning of my sophomore year (fall 2016). For some reason I "rediscovered" Sugar (as in I never knew the title or the artist of it but always heard it as a kid) and started listening to it a lot. A lot.

During my sophomore year, I transitioned my music taste into classic rock. I don’t remember how this happened, but it was for the best.

 At the end of my sophomore year, I "rediscovered" Animal (same scenario) and started listening to it a lot, but never listened to any other song by them voluntarily. 

In the summer following this (summer 2017), whenever we burned a fire on our deck, we would always play Weird Al/ Electric Amish (stuff like that) when we were out there late at night. Eventually, one night in July, I was out of ideas of what to play so I asked my dad (a huge DL fan) what I should put on and of course he simply says "Def Leppard." I asked him what song and said to just pick one, so I thought, “oh god I don't really know any of their songs and I don’t know what he likes, what should I pick? Okay, I’ll pick one I don’t know. Let's just pick the first one that comes up that I don't know" and it just so happens that that one was Hysteria, and I put it on and immediately my dad goes "Ahh.. you had to pick this one...” and tilts his head back, looking up at the sky.

He then told me the story of the first time it was played for the rest of the band (which isn’t 100% true, but this is just what he knew) he said that one of the guitarists (it was actually Phil and Sav) played what they had so far for the rest of the band around a campfire like we were doing (which turned out to be some of Sav and Phil's Irish friends).

But it felt really cool being out there with this song playing, and it was the first time I had ever heard it, too. Hysteria was my favorite song within a week. But, still, I could probably only name 3 or 4 DL songs at this point (I apparently did know more, but none by name). Those 3 or 4 DL songs kinda defined that summer for me, funny enough.

October of 2017: I don't exactly know how it happened, (I think I heard it on the radio) but I rediscovered Photograph (I actually knew this one by name) and became OBSESSED WITH IT FOR ALL OF NOVEMBER. Making music videos in my head, writing it into my NaNoWriMo novel, listening to it whenever I could, just wow- I love it. That's when it became my favorite song of all time (and it still is- tied with Hysteria).

It's January of 2018 now, and I'm still cooing over Photograph and Sugar and Hysteria and Animal, then January 14th, 2018 comes around- I almost meet Rick by accident, then a week or so later I'm watching the Metal Mayhem block on MTVC...

A video ends, it fades to black, and then suddenly I hear that "pck......" pluck of a string that echoes away and my heart jumps- “IT'S PHOTOGRAPH OHMYGODOHMYGOD...!!” 

It occurred to me right then and there that I had never seen the music video before (or even considered that there may have been one)

It had ALSO occurred to me that I had never once actually looked at a picture of the band. I'd never seen their faces. 

So I’ve got a favorite song I’ve been obsessed with for a solid two months, I discover its music video, and look at the band who sings it for the first time- and who starts singing my absolute favorite song of all time but an absolutely daSHING young man in a Union Jack tank top and a white scarf.

And then he hit me out of nowhere and I actually said to myself "God... the lead singer's actually kinda cute... like... really cute..." followed by an "oh no" shortly after because I knew I'd eventually fall madly in love with this simply adorable man who sings my favorite song, and I’d remember that that is what started it all (but that's not what started it all. It was simply an “I’ve been down this road before and this is typically how it starts.” I was more shocked than anything that my dad’s favorite band had a pretty cute lead singer- like how was that possible?) I was now, however, teetering on the edge of falling into an obsession... anything could set me off. 

And it finally did- on February 10th, 2018. My dad was taking me to a drama club rehearsal, and Bringin On the Heartbreak came on the radio. My dad turned it up and went "Yes! Old Leppard!" and at the chorus I went "WHAT'S THIS SONG CALLED I THINK I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE"

It was just the chorus I remembered, not exact words, but it just sounded all familiar, the melody of their forces, the screaming of the words, I'm pretty sure I heard it a really long time ago. And thus, it had begun. I went home, I found it on our iCloud and downloaded it.

Then I remembered my dad saying something when he was drunk about how "I nEED ROCK. LIKE ROCK. I'M TALKING LIKE- PYROMANIA. TWICE."

So I thought "I really really like a small handfull of Def Leppard’s songs. I think I should listen to them more. I'll listen to Pyromania- twice." (I’d heard of the album beforehand but never listened to it- or had I?). So I did one day. I listened to it. Twice. And BOOM; there were at least 4 songs on there right off the bat I most definitely recognized. Turns out I did know a ton of songs by Def Leppard- I just didn’t know it was them.

And of course I looked into them a bit more, hearing about all their popular stuff, listening to all of Hysteria, FINALLY looking up that handsome son of a bitch's name (Joe), finding out that one of the main composers of my favorite song went and died before I was born (Steve), and finding their more popular songs, and listening to all albums soon enough. 

I kept going back to tumblr to find pics of them and such, but there weren’t a lot. There wasn’t much on here at all about them. Whatever I did find, though, I reblogged. I was straight up obsessed within days. That week was crazy for my old tumblr. 

However, at the end of the week, on Feb 18th, only a week after it all began, I accidentally deleted my tumblr account (long story, don’t ask). I was honestly devastated because I had it for almost 4 years and all that history was now gone in the blink of an eye. Within the hour, I restarted and created a new tumblr account. I was lost on here and didn’t know where to begin, or get back on my feet. For one thing, I got my old url back ( @mccoys-killer-queen ) and immediately made my background the same pic of the guys as it was before to kind of trick myself into thinking nothing had changed.

I was wrong, and that was a good thing.

I got back into a fresh new blog, and started going around to people and asking them to spread the word on what happened and to hopefully get most of my followers back.

To this day I don’t remember all of them, and that’s been a good thing so far.

While I was doing this, I started talking to @raised-on-radio (whom I had only become mutuals with about a week earlier), 

“thinking about legit starting a def leppard blog tho” I said in the tags of a post I reblogged. She sent it back to me saying that I totally should (thanks, by the way!). And while I wasn’t totally serious about it at the time, I thanked her for the support so early on.

The next day- literally- the next day (Feb 19th), I messaged her and said that I couldn’t help myself, and made a DL blog (you’re looking at it right now). I’d never had a sideblog before, but within a week, I really enjoyed it (and obviously, I still do). Upon looking at this dead/sleeping fandom on tumblr, I realized right away it needed some sort of revival- to become like other fandoms in the modern day. There was no fanfic (on tumblr at least), there were no memes (oh heLL NO there was not), there wasn’t much circulation of posts, and it just felt dead- which I KNEW it wasn’t. It was very far from it.

Over the next month or so, it seemed now that I was involved with the fandom, it was starting to awaken in some ways. There were people actually posting content, more people were making blogs, memes got involved (I’m taking the credit for that, lmao, it seemed no one else posted memes except me and @stupidpicturesofdefleppard ). I don’t want to say I caused this awakening, but it just seems that it happened around the time I got involved with everything. A divine coincidence.

The year that followed was amazing in so many different ways. In a year, I went from not even looking at a photo of the guys and not even knowing their names, to interacting/having one of them and their official twitter interact with me on Twitter a few times, to meeting one of them in person (and putting my arm around him and having him call me ‘darling’), to having a year long obsession that’s still going strong, to knowing much more songs by them than any other artist, to knowing more facts and history about them than anything else, to being able to recognize them if given the slightest detail, and to being absolutely in love with every member and everything Def Leppard has done (not in that order!)

One year later, here we are! The past 365 days since I first heard Bringin’ On The Heartbreak in my dad’s car has been one hell of a story that’s taken me months to completely type out, and I can’t thank everyone enough for somehow making me gain 364 followers in the past year for something I never thought would get off the ground! If I told myself a year ago that I’d be where I am now, I don’t know what I’d think of it. I’d think it absolutely crazy- which it is!

But I wouldn’t change a thing about the last 365 days, that’s for damn sure. 

Rock on, guys!

[ask-svt-hearteu]

boyfriend! Joshua

Anon requested: “Boyfriend! Joshua please wow that writing is great thank you for continuing this blog over school” & “a boyfriend!joshua scenario where he teases your height, like even if they go on events/prom, heels have no effect bc she’s still shorter than him. (reader’s height is a lil’ shorter than woozi) :))) it’s okay if the scenario is short as long as it’s very fluffy”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1546

so to just sum up how Joshua became your boyfriend

you met Joshua through a mutual friend

you and your friend being at a cafe at that time,

just as she spotted Joshua coming in

funny, because you guys were just talking about this guy who plays the guitar who’s exaaaccctttlyyy your type

and obviously, your friend didn’t know what she was thinking 

you THOUGHT

"Joshua~~ Come here!”

she wasn't plotting to get the two of you together or anything HAHAHAHA

the ship had sailed in her mind already, long ago

"LISTEN to me, it’s science, one good looking plus another good looking equals cuteeee”

"Okay first that’s math, second he’s a whole universe out of my league f/n."

"Don't say that he's a dork like you are, promise."

so she called him

totally not by shouting across the room or anything

him smiling warmly

but also being an awkward dork and rubbing the back of his neck nervously

you both introduced yourselves to each other

and w o w

his eyes were so pretty and they were shaped like a cat's and his voice was quiet and gentle

everything about him screamed soft tbh

and damn he thought you were hella pretty

always been kind of shy at first around new people but he really wanted to talk to you and know more about you

it was a weird but refreshing feeling for him

and it helped that you were so nice and fun to talk to

and he was easy to talk to as well

you both chatted for a while

about random life stuff, favourite foods, colours, movies, shows...

"DUDE YOU LIKE NARUTO?!?!?!"

"YEA OMFG!"

with your friend sitting off in a corner ordering her coffee with a smirk on her face at how well the two of you were hitting it off, but also like 'why didn't I get those two dorks together earlier?'

and exchanged numbers so that you two could talk more

he eventually says that he has to go and buy his latte or his members would kill him

leaving with a graceful smile, 

possible directed a little more towards you

after a few days, he texts you asking if you wanted to go on a picnic with him

saying yes, everything started from there

hanging out and know each other more,

the two of you had a lot of similarities

so you two got along very quickly

after like a month or so

he asked you out

you went on your first date at an ice skating rink

then went on your second date at a museum, third date at a zoo

until he finally says those five simple words 

your whole relationship with him is perfect

except for the part where he teases you about your height

you're like an inch shorter than Jihoon

but you get all the teasing

if you wont give him any attention when he’s feeling hyper sassy

“Can I get a kiss first?” he points to his cheek

his smile being way too sweet for someone holding your things over their head 

not giving it back until he gets that kiss and some couple time

and it would just be you trying to reach his cheek and accidentally kissing his lips

how you two first kissed to be honest and both of you guys being cute awkward MESSES

purposely putting things on the top shelf so that you will call for him and reach it for you

saying things like

"Aigoo. What will you do without me?"

"Find someone who wont tease me about my height."

"Ahhh no. I was only joking. You know I find your height adorable."

and you just playfully hitting his chest for making you blush

honestly his teasing doesnt affect you

what's annoying is even if you wear heels

it will have no effect and he will still tease you

patting your head and calling you adorable

you not being able to stay annoyed for long,

YOU’VE SEEN THE WAY HIS EYES SPARKLE RUDE MUCH

would just blush while he pulls you in for a hug

okay so he has a pretty tight schedule

so during his free days, he’d make sure to plan a movie date with you

that's one thing you both liked

so you both decided on watching a movie every time he is free

so that you could at least spend time together after a whole work week

half of the movie date would consist of the two of you cuddling under the same blanket while watching the movie intensely

you won't even notice but halfway through the movie,

your legs would be tangled together under the blanket

your head is laying on his chest instead of the pillow

and him softly playing with your hair

Twenty-five percent would be trying to decide what food to order next after finishing your pizza

"How about Thai food?" he asks without looking away from the tv

"Nah, we had that last movie date."

"Chinese food then."

"Too spicy."

"Then just make some popcorn. There's some on the top shelf" he says with a half smirk

"I swear Joshua."

10 percent would just be you guys making out

and the last fifteen would be casually forgetting about watching the movie and just talking about random things

"Do you think dogs can understand our emotions through facial expressions?" you ask, straight-faced

"I think so, yeah. Why?" he says turning to you

"I dont know. I just want to know if dogs can actually see how happy we are when we see th- oh shoot, someone just died."

after watching like 2-3 movies

the both of you would be too lazy to leave the couch so you just end up sleeping there

and you would wake up to noises caused by the other members 

"I wonder what movie they watched." 

"This is the fifth time they slept there."

"Make sure to tell them to clean their own mess."

"We all know Mingyu will end up cleaning it up for them anyway."

at times where the two of you do have enough energy to walk to his room and sleep there

you would wake up to Joshua pulling you closer

as you try to adjust to the sunlight coming from the window

"Good morning." 

him greeting you with his raspy sexy morning voice

when he’s away or you cant visit him due to being busy

expect calls lasting from midnight to 3 am

consisting of talking about how your day went

deep, meaningful talks

you asking him to sing for you when you're already getting sleepy

and when there’s a lot of free time

your dates wont only limit to movie dates

two dorks at the arcade competitively playing pacman

or the carnival when spring season comes

Joshua winning you a giant stuffed animal because he wanted to see you struggling to walk with it in your arms 

recording your cute self and then carrying it himself

sharing a cotton candy

going in a lot of photo booths

and riding the carousel

when you guys both feeling like just spending time together alone

he would take you to this nearby beach that also has a park nearby that only has a few visitors

walking barefooted in the sand, holding each other's hand, talking about something cute

like baby names

the two of you laying down on the dewy grass, cloud gazing

"That one looks like a flower" 

"There’s another one."

"Where?" you turn to him after seriously looking for it 

"Here." he grins, tapping your nose

you getting caught off guard, just ends up wildly blushing

you were honestly screaming inside

fights are rare but they happen

and you guys would talk calmly and rationally

always figuring out ways to solve the problems

you guys fight like once every blue moon

your chemistry together is on another level

and it honestly amazes the other members

because the other can pick up easily on what the other is saying while they’re still trying to figure out if it was a joke or not

overall though

your whole relationship works really well, you both understand each other

he provides you with enough support and love and you give the same to him

you both understand that there’s only a limit the other can give

and you got each other's backs

especially when it comes to teasing the members

Jeonghan was honestly surprised when he realised that the dynamic between the two of you if better than him and Joshua

you and him were basically partners in crime when it comes to teasing the members

and in all honesty

you wouldnt ask for any other relationship than what you have with him

"I’m free today, do you want to go to the museum?" he asks, arms around you after not seeing each other for a bit

"Yes please." you say, smiling excitedly

"Calm down, there’s a limit to the excitement your small body can take." he teases 

looking up at him, glaring,

"....youre cancelled."

"I was only joking~ I love you." he says, pressingly a kiss to your head

you huff, your frown immediately changing back into a smile

"I love you too. Now let's go before I change my mind."

MASTERLIST