#this is perhaps overly long and convoluted but you know how i am. i have kaeya diluc disease

[kaeyapilled]

i thjnk that in the end what bothers me about a lot of ragbros reconciliation fan content is that it seems to treat their making up as a single event. as if they just need to have one heartfelt conversation and apologize and hug each other and then they will be officially reconciliated. as if they wouldn't need to rebuild their relationship slowly! (as if they haven't already started to, albeit tentatively). as if they wouldn't need to first let go of old grievances, both the big ones and the little ones. let go of the guilt they place on both themselves and on each other. it cannot possibly happen in one night! it's learning to talk to each other again until it isn't awkward anymore. until the smallest annoyances stop bringing back all the bitterness to the surface. it's learning to open up to each other again! this time with no awful secrets between them! it's discussing those secrets! discussing their shared grief and making an effort to understand the sorrows they do not share. i cannot stress enough how much i want you to understand it needs to be a very painful very saddening but also very hopeful and maybe cathartic process

[playingforever]

Do you think mono would ever noncon six? Perhaps in an obsessed crazy melty way? - retrospring ask [link]

[spotlight panning to me, as I am very severe and fingers steepled] [and my head is under a bag] Considering the fact that the whole time loop 🔁 operates on subjecting Six to torment without her consent — more or less personally orchestrating her constantly being abducted and rescued only to be abducted again... Yes, I do think that Mono has this capacity within him. In fact, I firmly believe it,,,

Usually I look to canon to gauge how much duress it would take for a character to cross another's boundaries so extremely... In Mono's case, he's able to get quite far in 'the ends justify the means', even before he has reached his apex of being the Thin Man — what he does to Monster Six is deeply upsetting. As I play it, I sure feel like I'm performing a sort of noncon... Persevering through a girl screaming and belligerently resisting me until the very end.

By contrast, I think actual rape, would be a lot more preferable for the both of them-!? (knows how this sounds, BUT HEAR ME OUT.) It'd just be a lot more direct... Not needing all the convoluted theatre of the environment around them. I think it'd be a pretty good breakthrough if Mono could lower himself enough from his position of Six's noble protector, to enact on her body for his own desires — and it'd be more digestible for Six to process her harm at the hands of her friend. I think the ending of the game leaves Six in turmoil, whiplashed about by the extreme poles of what Mono/Thin Man put her through. She likely, can't even really understand what Mono's intent even is. It might seem wantonly cruel with no goal. And only when alone does Mono perhaps, reflect on his own selfishness.

[waves hands...] Of course, this isn't me saying it wouldn't be intense, or alarming or upsetting etc... Just prefacing that I think it's both a logical escalation from their current dynamic (lol.) and that also it would be cathartic.

Now, let's get into the details. ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Between the two... well, I do see Mono as closer to processing his feelings as 'a crush'... specificity of, Attracted To Six. I think he's able to identify, when Six is near, heart goes doki doki. Like to look at her, like to touch her. His reactions to her are not incidental; he knows he wouldn't feel this way about anyone else. There's a boyish simplicity to him... which, means I think he also understands, he gets Horny about her as well. He be seeing, ha panty, sometimes, as they're climbing ladders. Lingering gaze, on her bare legs. Compulsively keying into the location of her pussy. And so on. It's not something he shies away from feeling... She's a pretty girl, after all... [quietly stares, from the safe partition of my paper bag.]

As for Six... she is unable to have that kind of awareness for her feelings about Mono. Naturally kind of, doomful, listless girl... not one to think with romantic flourish. It probably feels like a fluke that they were even able to survive this long; keeping each other company is a bonus. It's not that she doesn't care about him — I do think he's able to make her feel things she never has before-!! Six would have her own moments of raw attraction as well, drawn to Mono as something distinctly familiar, in an otherwise hostile & unfamiliar world. Buuut I think she's also a bit wary of emotional intensity too ww, so she would be scared to feel doki doki... She can't quite linger on it, like Mono does.

Generally I think of it as... Six cannot consciously instigate, because she's so far from having expectations of affection (she can't even see herself as craving it...) Meanwhile, Mono is more capable of instigating, but is encumbered by self-hate and overly obsessing about being Six's protector. Mono's love language is like. Dragging Six around violently and bashing things with a pipe. He's, one-track-minded, so I think he's in this rut of seeing rescuing/protecting Six as the ultimate expression of what he can do for her. Fantasizing about kissing her is genuinely too self-indulgent... so he doesn't-!! Even if he would like to. Instead, I think he gets off on the extent his loyalty makes him sacrifice and enduring anything 'for Six's sake'. It's a problem lol.

NOW IMAGINE WE COULD GET PAST THAT BARRIER...!! (And I imagine this would be through the sheer power of looping and accruing 1000 little scant moments with Six. Basting in unmet desire.) Well then Mono could reach the Next Step of trying to Do Something-! Regardless of if it felt, selfish and awful and antithetical to what he is supposed to be doing... No, even so, the feelings just need to well up inside until he can't take it. I think he also needs to be poisoned by how passive and permissive Six is, and how much he's constantly directing her body... A part of him should understand, it's possible to get away with, Something, here...

The atmosphere varies... I could see it being stoic, severe, ahh the mindset of 'I will just Do It. Here I Go.' Harsh low breathing, forceful, crushing Six against his body, pinning her against a surface... (They're often in tight, enclosed spaces together, aren't they?) Or, something more plaintive, trying to shush her, apologetic, 'Please just let me...' petting her, trying to hold hands during, errr but also definitely keeping her restrained and not letting her wiggle away... I've also dwelled on, like a cowardly pathetic attempt at somno, like a kind of Bargaining emotion... scoot pants down, but still be in underwear, press tented boner between her legs... please god, I just want to kind of feel it, for 1 second. [TRYING TO NOT HUFF IN MY PAPER BAG...]

Emotions I envision at the start of such a thing are mostly, lowly, guilty... though I think it could escalate midway into some sort of, entitlement, arrogance, I do so much for you please just let me...!!! and so on. And then of course, her body feels good, to fuck. So there's satisfaction gained from the sheer act. Maybe a childish belief that it can't only feel so good for him. Surely, it feels good for her too... [mentally justifying actions] Six's reflex is to run from things — maybe she just needs him to be persistent. That's how it often is, between them... ⬅ わがまま！！

For Six, on the receiving end, I like it to be genuinely pretty scary and inscrutable, whatever he is initiating with her — like she's not even fully able to grasp the sensations, she can't think 'sex' or 'rape', even. It's more disorienting than that, like, Mono is acting on my body, Mono is forcing himself inside me. Feels like he's created an opening in her, he might as well be stabbing her — just that extreme, of a gap of understanding what is happening.

But ahhh I think, her own attraction and interest in Mono means her body rawly responds to things like his touch, scent... She's already keyed into his voice as a firm anchor, something she's meant to react to, so hearing him haggard, breathing, or babbling at her, slurring, anything would make her brain feel as though it's reverberating in her skull. Draws out unconscious feelings, desperation, aching — terrible awe that she's somehow made him do this? That she isn't running away from it, either? — all this happening internally/physically would make it all feel Crazier. Like oh, Mono's lost his mind, and ig me too. AhhHHH.

For how complicated it is for these two, baseline, I see things as even starting consensual ➡ descending into noncon, midway during interfacing. A consequence of having hazy memories of multiple timelines; a kind of ability to go from 0-1000 easily, with no warning... Alsoo, I kind of, stylistically(? ??) like to imagine they do not talk aloud very much, and have predominantly nonverbal interactions. But it means, they're both often floundering with their own internal perception of things, and unable to bridge a discussion about what the other is feeling or what is happening... or what the other wants. It takes a lot of pressure to reach that event horizon, I think... The great conflict at the end of the game is their discrepancy in perspective, after all.

All that said, I think the scariest rape potential is, well. Bagless Mono at the end of the game who has just usurped power from the Thin Man and is tormenting Monster Six. That guy, I think is like uniquely off his rocker, swangin his axe around and booming HEYYY at a cowering screeching girl. God help Six if he could, just channel enough power to resist being tossed into the abyss or something. I think he could fuck her to death. He really froightens me. She is right to drop him and turn and leave. Seriously get away from him before something bad happens. [laughing...]

[faksyan]

Well, I didn't think my first post was going to be about writing, but what is this website for if not for the very specific rants on the topic you're passionate about, am I right.

So, today learned the term purple prose and I thought the way people view it is interesting. Basically, it's the overly ornate writing that might make the text difficult to read/understand, taking away from the actual narrative. And yeah, this can definitely happen, sure. But when I searched for examples, most of them seemed fine. I didn't struggle to understand them at all, just some fun information and metaphors. Long, yes, taking away from the narrative? Not really, I don't think? And English is not even my first language, so seems kiiinda like a skill issue to me tbh. Not in a mean way, but it really didn't feel that bad.

(Now that I think of it, the reason I have a soft spot for long elaborate sentences might be exactly the difference between my first language and English, a lot of our literature is very much like that. It's not everyone's cup of tea, yes, but it doesn't make it inherently bad.)

It's like the whole "avoid using adverbs" thing, which I've seen being used as an advice plenty of times for some reason (though, again, in English-speaking spaces, so perhaps it's a culture thing?). And um. Why would I. Do you use adverbs in regular speech much, some unusual ones? And you say using them in writing is also somehow bad? If the word exists, it was intended that someone would use it. Some outlive their meaning, but why purposefully avoid them? Like, yeah, the definition of purple prose says that it refers only to writing that doesn’t contribute meaningfully to the piece, but the way I see it, if the author thought the thing was worth mentioning and didn't cut it out afterwards, then it is, period. Maybe it's convoluted, maybe it's confusing, but it's the way they (maybe, not always, of course) wanted it to be. Fucking love going nuts with details, because this literally is how I view the world irl. Hard on the eyes? Well it's hard on my brain too bucko, and you're stuck with me now. If I notice all these things then so do you.

The moral of the story is that you should do whatever makes you happy, regardless of how people perceive it, I guess. You know classic literature? These guys did whatever the hell they wanted and it turned out great. Everyone's different, someone's going to like it, someone won't. But at least this way if no one likes it, you still do. Same goes for anything creative, really. People like to make up too many rules about what you can and can't do while the whole point is to just express yourself, however you see fit. It's art, if it's not harming anyone, go nuts.

[cateringisalie]

Village: Resident Evil ramblings

(Some spoilers)

Ethan Winters is a goddamn idiot.

I say this without a shred of nostalgia; I first encountered him in RE7 and feel less than nostalgic towards the guy. RE7 without the benefit of the former entrants was a FPS horror and pretty good. Though you couldn’t escape that the characters you remembered were the Baker family and Mia; Ethan was a walking camera with a gun and some very simplistic emotional responses (fear, rescue wife, escape, swear occasionally). Having now run through the whole sequence of games, Ethan stands out starkly as the blandest and least interesting protagonist the series ever produced. He is possibly worse than Piers. Village updates Ethan’s personality. A bit. Well. Not really. Still got that fear, still got the swearing. Still got a mind to escape. But rather than rescue his wife, it’s about rescuing his daughter. I mean; Mia was gunned down and shot a further 9000 times by infuriating series stalwart Chris Redfield a little under ten minutes into the game proper. Not that Ethan really comes to terms with the trauma. By minute fifteen of the game the van you’ve been shoved in by Chris (who doesn’t shoot you for no reason he feels like explaining) has crashed and Ethan’s daughter is missing. Mourning Mia doesn’t actually enter into Ethan’s thought process. Goddamn idiot. Not to say that life with Mia was exactly picturesque; a few years after RE7 the couple are now somewhere nebulous in Eastern Europe in a very lovely house with a distressing number of empty wine bottles in the kitchen. A happy marriage this does not seem to be given Mia doesn’t want to get into the events of RE7 anymore, but Ethan does – but also failing to understand that the cover-up of the incident might be why no one is talking much about the whole mess in Louisiana and that bringing it up both distresses and angers Mia. But; the inciting incident has occurred and we’re propelled into our new scenario. Ethan; once again fish out of water, and its not like we have a choice. This is not to say Village does not repeat the same narrative trick of changing POV character, but there is both less of that, and the Half-Life-style regimented first person view jarringly completely goes out the window in the last quarter. It was less than consistent at points, but sparingly when occasionally and jarringly camera angles shifted to depict an introduction. But the game is also perfectly happy to render whole FPS sequences with gun visible and everything as it plays out a story beat, so... I don’t know? Fortunately Ethan’s environment and the setting are much more interesting. The unnamed Village is a satisfying knot of tangled streets, locked doors and environmental obstacles. Enemies don’t respawn per se, but additional enemies are added on subsequent visits to the effective hub of the game. There’s livestock to kill and give the Duke – the merchant playing a similar role to the pirate-like guy from RE4. Duke’s an entertaining character (some have objected to his physical and hugely overweight depiction); chatty and far more knowing than he will let on. He has a dangling thread come the end so perhaps will reappear elsewhere. He’ll sort the gun upgrades, supplies, let you sell treasure and point you towards your next destinations. Which is just as well as the human population of the village dies out somewhere between the first and second hour. No one left and any futile attempts to save people end in almost hilariously disastrous tragedies (no Ethan, don’t go higher in a building that is on fire). Leaving you with Lycans, zombies and gargoyles to fend off. Occasionally there’s some bigger foes on the level of the Executioner from RE5 but nothing on the level of the Tyrants. That kind of thing is left to the Village Lords. The villagers – before they all die – have a curiously unfamiliar religion and praise a figure known as Mother Miranda. She reportedly kept the village safe, but something has changed and now the Lycans run amok and without restraint. Not hard to pin that the reason for the change is Rose’s arrival (or could it be Ethan? COULD IT? No. Man is a goddamn idiot). The only door out of the village you can open is to Castle Dimitrescu and... It feels unnecessary to even get into what awaits. Given fandom have been so noisy about the tall lady and her vampiric daughters since the first trailer. She is so very, very tall. The castle is the first mode of Village. Possibly closest to RE7; Dimitrescu’s daughters are vulnerable based on certain environmental details (read the notes!) but otherwise should be fled from. Dimitrescu herself is invulnerable to everything bar one weapon and you need to work at getting that, so she needs to be fled from. Otherwise, explore the castle, find treasure. Sneak. Solve puzzles. It all looks suitably gorgeous and you get multiple chances to see if as you loop through the rooms and unlock more doors. The Village macro mechanics wrought as micro here. There’s a canny hint at a late reveal in the blunt utility of in-game mechanics to be had too. But – really should have been obvious given their prominence in the trailer – given Castle Dimitrescu is the first level, it means we must say goodbye to the very Tall Lady with knife hands and move onto someone else. In between levels, we get the first reinforcement of a tease from the trailer; the symbol of the Umbrella corporation. Its engraved into a location called the Ceremony Site. Its daubed on a cave wall as high as the Tall Lady. Its on the strange structure you insert the yellow flasks each Village Lord guards. And it means... almost nothing. RE's meta-plot has always been a mess and everyone’s favorite pharmaceutical company hasn’t been so active for a while, so the idea that we might be getting into some interesting weirdness with them again is oh so appealing. And yet – I was disappointed. Despite the repeated glimpses of the familiar white and red logo, the connection ultimately comes down to one letter I found at about 7/8s of the way through. Oswell Spencer – founder of the company – visited the Village years ago and saw the cave painting and adopted it as his logo. Oh. That’s... underwhelming. The same letter does at least prod at wiring Village’s latter reveals into the formation of the company along with tying in some parts of RE5 but if you thought this would be the company or the family dynasty origins or anything like that, you are in for a disappointment. It’s a tease and one that goes nowhere and does little. Oh we might now see how Spencer got into the whole inadvertent zombie making mess but its not a factor in the plot of this game nor does it really change the stakes of the previous. Perhaps I should be glad it’s so frivolous given other retcons in certain other franchises, but it feels so suspect to have drawn the attention and then shuffle the implications out the side-door. At least the other village lords have their own appeals. The second level is RE once again stealing PT (the PS4 demo to announce Silent Hills) given Konami outright don’t care about it anymore. Stripped of your guns and inventory, it’s a claustrophobic puzzle level requiring you to hide with mechanics familiar to both Evil Within and Alien Isolation. That same loop of rooms as you seek out puzzle solutions and hide from a staggeringly distressing malevolent entity. The third is combat light until the final confrontation; the fight staged in a flooded village – oh and Chris who still doesn’t shoot you but refuses to explain anything. And the fourth cheats. Heisenberg is thoroughly entertaining and grabs two levels for his own; an assault on a stronghold and his horrible cyborg factory outside of town. He has Magneto metal powers. Heisenberg is the camp villain to outdo the other camp villains. He’s having fun, he kinda likes Ethan and is oddly on his side. He found time to put together massive signposts to direct Ethan onto the last two levels (a good thing too given his lack of sense). But both levels are lacking. The Stronghold is a relentless firefight against hoards of mook enemies; the factory is overly long and maze-like. I am as tired as Ethan when he exclaims “What more?” And after Heisenberg is dealt with; the long, convoluted lurches to the ending. First person goes out the window. The game dabbles in characters toying with your understanding of what was going on but in a strangely limited way and completely ignoring the other implications of the reveal. Suddenly you mow down more and more enemies than ever before, bullets scarcely a concern. The final reveals of who/what/where/how come through. Not exactly explicable for what’s on-screen, but the effort’s been made to tie Village’s overt supernatural tendencies back into a world setup in RE. Its not magic and those are not truly werewolves. And the villain’s motivation is! Hugely disappointing. Connected as it is to the Umbrella letter, you might hope for something completely out there, but its unsatisfying and feels pretty sexist too. Or at least lacking in imagination to an astonishing degree and yet here we are. The game feels sloppiest as the final boss fight arrives flitting between characters without the shaky but workable character hand-offs RE7 deployed. Back in first person mode to talk to Duke one last time before engaging in.... a relatively simple boss fight. All the boss fights have been pretty easy – there’s nothing on the level of RE6’s sometimes horrendous contextual fights, or the annoying two-player RE5, nor the demanded accuracy of hitting specific weak-points as in RE7. And I don’t mind that. Unload all your weapons and keep your health up. And victory. There are fix-it fics already, but really, I don’t see the point in trying to fix the issue these people have. There’s an obvious setup for a game past this one with a strange throw-away reveal in the end-sequence (whither RE9, Revelations 3 or something else there are no clues as yet). There’s a spoiler for the sting given the end-credits lists a character who didn’t appear in the main game. The sting itself might wind up drawing on the sting from Revelations 2. Village is not RE at its best, but is at least more in the spirit of goofy, campy nonsense than 7. It at least is more at home with playing with the trappings of horror while not actually trying to be outright scary. As with 7, the villains are more interesting and more memorable than the good guys. And – as I found out after completing the game – we were robbed of Ada Wong dressed up like a Bloodborne character somewhere in the game. And that I think is the biggest shame of all this.

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 20: Good Intentions (that backfire horribly in one way or another)

TFW you say something horribly rude and almost immediately feel bad about it but you're also absolutely right and feel like being petty so you're still a little bit of an asshole about it and basically you're sorry but you're not SORRY, y'know what I'm saying?

Also, 'fuck' is a Galra swear because I can do what I want

TRIGGER WARNING(S): -Use of the word 'rape' -Implications of hypothetical physical violence

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As they approach the castle, Adam is waiting for them, tablet in hand and looking quite stressed. “Prince Yorak, where have you been?”

“Out.” He doesn’t feel like talking. He's tired after the long day.

“Prince Yorak, King Alfor has been anxiously awaiting your return. He wishes to speak with you. Come quickly.”

“Actually,” Keith says, vaulting from the shreika. Lance takes its reins without a second’s hesitation, back unusually stiff, fluid grace abandoned. “I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Please excuse me.”

Keith walks off in the direction of the hole in the wall, suddenly unwilling to return to his prison just yet. Perhaps he only just remembered it was a prison.

“And what do you expect me to tell him, your Majesty?!” Adam calls, voice pitched higher with stress. Keith finds he barely cares. “I’m not a magic spell!”

“Tell him whatever you like! I’m sure you can come up with something sufficiently endearing, shy, and benign!”

"You forgot demure! Could you at least try to take this seriously?!" Adam howls as Keith slips away into the dark.

Keith knows that this won’t be the end of it, but he’s not sure what else to do. He’s in no mood to speak to Alfor after hearing what he’s been doing to Lance. And what might Lance do, given enough time, enough pressure? The prince has little control, but he's a powerful alchemist. With enough focus, Lance probably could do whatever he wanted to Keith. Keith could put up a fight, but then he’d end up executed for treason or some other such nonsense.

No, Lance would never do that. Keith trusts Lance.

All the same, he’s trapped. He’s also not behaving as an adult but that’s just the problem: he’s not an adult. But the royals wouldn’t wait a damn decaphoeb or find somebody else and now here he is trapped in a marriage among a species that only cares about how quickly they can continue the line of succession.

What an utter mess. But he’s not sure what to do, so he slips through the gap in the wall and sits beside a stream he found only yesterday. He sighs, pulling on the end of his braid as he contemplates having never felt safe in his life. When he was little, his father had promised that one day, they'd take Krolia and wander the stars, discover new worlds. Akira had wanted to take him to a place called Earth, to meet the people who gave him his name. The knowledge of how to find this 'Earth' -the planet with the least-inspired name ever- had died with his father. He couldn't go if he'd wanted to.

He'll likely be on Altea for the rest of his life. What a depressing thought.

“Thought I might find you out here.” Keith leaps to his feet, expecting to see Lance, but finding Alfor instead. "I heard you found a way to sneak out. The wall exit is the easiest to find."

Keith hisses, ears pinned back against his head. He reaches for his blade as the king merely raises an eyebrow. Alfor raises his hands, doesn’t move from his spot by the stream. “You can relax, Keith. It’s Keith, isn’t it? My son has mentioned that’s what you like to be called.”

Keith relaxes, but only slightly. King Alfor is exactly who he doesn’t want to see. “What do you want?”

The king regards him, eyes strikingly tired. “Walk with me.”

Keith follows Alfor, rolling his eyes once the king’s back is turned. “What do you want?”

“What do you think of me?” Keith snorts, keeps his mouth shut. “No really, I want to know.”

“Not, you don’t. You want me to kiss your ass.”

“I have my ass kissed every day, Keith. If I wanted more of that I'd join you and Lance in court. Go ahead. I can take it.”

“Fine. You’re an arrogant bastard, a shitty father, and fucking awful person.”

“What is ‘fucking’? It sounds delightfully vulgar.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, my apologies. I didn't mean to interrupt.”

Keith narrows his eyes, takes a deep breath. It's too tempting. This man has tried to use and abuse and manipulate him since he got here and now, being invited to speak his mind for the first time since he was appointed a lord on Daibazaal, he can't resist.

“Gladly. You presume to know the wants and needs of your people while you play warrior king in your study. You look down on your son with disdain and do little to encourage or speed his progress. You seem largely indifferent when it comes to his life, interests, happiness, and general well-being, and worst of all, you’ve been harassing him this entire time trying to convince him to rape me!” Keith pauses, waits to see if he’s committed enough treason yet.

“Continue.” Well, he must do as his liege commands. Besides, it feels amazing.

“You’re disgusting! I am a kit! Your son holds onto his morals while you tell him to abandon his basic principles, pin me down, and fuck me while every instinct in my body screams at me to fight him until my last breath! If my people knew, they’d go to war over me! If your people knew, you’d be overthrown in a day! Rumors run rampant in your court and spread anxiety among the people; your method of rule is archaic; your laws are outdated, convoluted, and contradictory; your infrastructure is weak and crumbling while Lance attempts to hold it together with glue, a wish, and a prayer to your ancestors!"

Keith's voice gets higher and higher, louder and louder as four phoeb's worth of frustration makes its presence known. Granted he's not speaking about Daibazaal's state, but he'll scream about that next time he sees Zarkon. “This entire place is pathetic and you clearly know far more of centuries of slaughter and promoting sexual assault than you do of actually running a kingdom!" Keith glares. "Coran seems pretty okay, though.”

“Yes, Coran is quite wonderful, isn’t he?”

Keith snarls, claws digging into his fists. “That’s all you have to say?”

“All of what you said is true.”

“I agree- Wait. What?”

“I am an alchemist and a soldier, not a leader.” Alfor sighs. “You’re a kit and clearly you’re more capable than I am.”

“I still hate you… Why the fuck are you a king?”

“I married a princess, as was prearranged from the moment of my birth.”

“Try and put my kits into an arranged marriage. I dare you,” Keith hisses, choosing to make this clear now as opposed to later. “I fucking dare you! You do this to them and I will fuck you up!”

“The kits you’re currently incapable of bearing?” Keith’s ears stiffen. He keeps his teeth bared, the ruff along his back tingling as the fur rises. “I’ll commit that to memory.”

“You do that! And I’m so sorry my being a kit is an inconvenience to you.”

Alfor sighs, stops. “No, my people’s culture is a danger to us all. An Altean marriage is not considered official until consummated. Technically speaking, you and Lance are not married, which makes this entire alliance extremely delicate.”

“Perhaps you should have found a way to sort your shit out without trading your children like fucking livestock,” Keith hisses.

“Perhaps. Perhaps I should have done a lot of things. Like appointed a regent, or spent more time with my son.”

“For a start. I’m not backing down on the arranged marriage thing, just so we're clear. Why be a king if you’re not at all competent?”

“My children. When Melinor died, we were still at war. There had already been an attempt on Melinor’s life while she was with child, which ultimately succeeded. We managed to prolong her life until Lancel could survive outside the womb. Then Coran, with the help of our surgeon, removed my premature infant from his mother before he could die with her. I feared that the moment I abdicated, my children and my lover would be slaughtered. Only the royal family and staff are permitted to live inside the castle walls. Once we left, it would only have been a matter of time. I’ve since done the best I can for my people, but like I said…”

Keith took a deep breath, swallowed. This had taken an unnecessarily dark turn. He felt a little bad. But only a little. “Alchemist and soldier. A scholar with a sword. Also, selfish.”

Lance would have done better, made a stronger decision, one that kept both the kingdom and his family alive.

“It is a pretty cool sword though. And so is this.” Alfor steps aside, revealing a crack in a rock face.

Stepping through the crack in the rocks, the only thing Keith can think is that he’s likely to be murdered here. A single chirp echoes through the dark. Keith clamps his jaw shut, reaches for his blade just in case. It’s a grotto, water bubbling up, pooling from beneath the ground, flowing from the walls. Vegetation clings to the walls with roots like spindly fingers. The air is cool and moist, but not overly so.

Alfor sighs, sits on the ground, legs straight out in front of him. “This is one of only three above-ground water sources on Altea, and the largest. There are organisms in this grotto that are found nowhere else in the universe. It is also where I taught both my children to swim.”

“You brought small children to a tiny, isolated ecosystem to teach them to swim.” It must be nice, abusing power. Though Alfor was likely just peering into a microscope, periodically glancing up to make sure his children hadn't drowned.

“Yes. It’s one of the few solid memories I have of myself with my children.”

Keith steps forward, cautious, takes a seat on the ground cover vegetation a few dashes from the Altean. He lays his blade in his lap.

“I did everything I could. I dreamed of learning, excelling, leading my people to some golden future, the king that never should have been, but was. Sometimes, that’s simply not how it happens. And it became clear that while I am a soldier, I cannot lead my people to victory against the Galra. So I sought out other solutions.

“Look at this grotto. Even on a planet without rain, there is still water, still life. In here, there are lives so unique they cannot exist anywhere else. The organisms in this pool will die if I bring them even a spot beyond that little crack in the rocks. When I wed my daughter to Prince Lotor, when she walked hand-in-hand with him, hand-in-hand with Romelle onto that imperial ship, I thought she too might cease to thrive. Imagine my selfish bitterness when I find that she has blossomed into something even more beautiful, that she, her husband, and her lover are growing closer and that perhaps I, in my desire to keep my children as safe as possible, have smothered them.

“In trying to protect them, I have constrained them. I have made them restless, frustrated, and useless. Now, my daughter concerns herself with bringing constructive leisure to your people with the benefit of lowering minor crime and I’m fairly certain my son is steadily worming his way into every nook and cranny of the entire planet and gradually tweaking laws while hoping, for some obscure reason that I won’t notice that he’s finally given up the pretense of not giving a quiznak.”

“You know it’s a pretense?” Keith asks, reluctantly curious.

“Of course I know it’s a pretense. People don’t just suddenly, magically care. When I made a tiny comment that perhaps implied I would perhaps like more support in my research of interstellar tardigrades and Coran showed up the next day with a comprehensive tablet of everything my people know about the little delights, do you think it is because he suddenly became deeply invested in what technologies might be inspired from pseudo-extremophiles? Of course not. Which is why he did not assist me in my research.”

“I… don’t follow,” Keith mumbles.

“He made a one-time effort to prove that he cares, not about tardigrades, but about me. I have not heard a word from him since aside from asking how my research is going when I seem particularly happy or particularly tired. Lance, however, has gotten married and now mysteriously shows up to hold court on the regular, sober and accompanied occasionally by you instead of a different prostitute each movement. I’ve even heard a rumor he’s even finally bothered to learn what taxes are.”

Alfor chuckles, and all Keith can think of is how unbelievably sad that laugh sounds. “I’ve no idea what he’s up to, but my son is far, far smarter than I ever gave him credit for.”

It’s Keith’s turn to laugh, quietly because he hasn’t laughed out loud since he was very small, but it’s a genuine laugh all the same. “You really want to know what he's up to?”

“Yes, I really want to know.”

“He wants…” Keith sighs, smiles. “...to be a hero. Loved and admired and adored as the beautiful, young king who guided his people into that golden era.”

“So you think my son is beautiful?”

“What?! No, that’s not what I-”

“That’s what I heard.”

Keith can hear the taunts in the king’s voice. “Well I don’t know what you heard but-”

“That’s fine. I know what I heard.”

“Did you miss the part where I can’t currently be attracted to anyone including your son?”

“No, no. I got that. But I still think you like him and I still think you find him pretty. Everyone does. Unless of course you wish to tell me that you don’t find my son pretty, in which case you have found the line. Insulting my entire person is fine, but telling me you don’t find my son beautiful? Unacceptable.” Alfor wags a finger at him, grinning.

Keith rolls his eyes. “Fine. I like him. He's a likeable person. Don't expect anything more than that.”

“That’s fine. I’d just like for the two of you to be friends.”

“I’ve… never had a friend before,” Keith whispers, tail thumping on the ground. “Maybe Shiro, my adoptive brother, but that’s it. I like being Lance’s friend. He's... good. I feel like with people in this circle that's not as common as it should be. It makes life harder.”

Keith says nothing about the rumors Lord Lanval spoke of. He’s Lance’s spouse.

“Lance is… He’s a good kid, I think. At least, he wants to be good. I can see that now. I see this burning desire to prove himself and make a difference. I admire his idealism, even if it’s unrealistic.”

“He is making a difference. It’s already started. The alchemy will take more time, since his heart is so distracted, but I can teach him how to use a sword, help him fulfill that silly dream or at least feel like he is. You’ve got your men fighting robots-”

“Fewer injuries. Theoretically.”

“It’s close, but not as good. You’d do better employing imitation weapons. All people think differently, at different speeds, and have different styles of fighting. Fighting a robot doesn’t tell you that your opponent broke their leg as a child and never had it set properly. It limits learning. I can help.”

“Anything else?”

“For tonight?” Keith squeezes the handle of his blade, watches it extend into a sword, inspects himself in it. He looks different, now. Not just healthy, but pampered and soft. Like the overbred little whore his mother told him about. He pushes a lock of hair out of his face. “Your gate should make a noise when it opens. For security. A silent gate means all someone has to do is take out your guards and they just just walk right in without alerting the castle.”

“You say that like taking out guards is easy.”

“It is. Silently and one at a time.”

“Understood. I’ll get it fixed. Now, we should get back, before Lance decides to tear the castle apart looking for us. But one more thing.” Keith looks up at the Altean. "I understand that you despise me, but do try not to ruin what little relationship I have left with my son."

"I won't," Keith whispers. He hates this man and finds him grossly incompetent, but has a begrudging respect for his efforts and devotion to his family. If, gods forbid, it ever came down to the lives of his own children and Lance were gone, he'd likely do the exact same thing. No. He wouldn't have to. He'd call Shiro. “Does he know? How his mother died, I mean.”

“No. We told him she died when he was three. He’s formed memories, based around images of her. He swears they once played in the valley while the juniberries were in bloom… He doesn’t need to know. Melinor chose between herself and him, and he doesn't need to know that.”

Keith says nothing. Lance seems very much unlike the person to manufacture memories of a deceased mother when he has two fathers, but what would he know? It’s not like said fathers have been particularly active in his life. Who knows? Maybe Keith has false memories of his own parents.

His thoughts come grinding to halt as a burning rock falls to his feet in front of him. “Uh… Alfor?”

[dragimal]

ok this is like. MAJORLY self-indulgent, self-psychoanalyzing rambling so I’m putting it under a readmore, but my thoughts have been spinning in circles over this for like. practically my whole teen/adult life. and I just need to put it down somewhere

idc if anyone wants to read this or respond or anything, again I’m just basically trying to vomit out my thoughts until something makes sense

so like. anxiety. I know I have it, that’s the ONE Problems Disorder I’m 100% certain I’ve got, to whatever degree it matters

but that’s kinda the thing-- to WHAT degree, and DOES that matter? at what point can I say it’s a legitimate part of me, and at what point is it something negligible and unobtrusive?

b/c here’s the other thing-- anxiety is, in fact, a strong aspect of my self-image. it’s something I associate strongly with as a character trait, and I tend to relate to ‘meek’ characters

I know part of it is a defense mechanism. I had to make myself small, being raised by my mom. she’s a whole other rant, but essentially she’s a very defensively prideful person, and any attempt to steer a conversation towards your own accomplishments/needs/interests is met with a blank look and a swift topic change back to herself. (and god forbid u bring up her faults, that would guarantee manipulative guilt-tripping at best, screaming and crying at worst)

but there’s also another convoluted level to this defense mechanism. I recognized at a young age, on some subconscious level, that pride was/is my mom’s greatest downfall. so I internalized that as, “pride (and even more broadly, confidence) is bad and and a danger to those around you” 

not to be Homestuck on main, but Dave’s first conversation with Dirk struck me on a level of personal experience that few other pieces of media have ever hit, particularly this bit

obviously the physical aspect of this abuse is beyond me, but the emotional manipulation, and Bro subsequently ruining a generally positive concept (the concept of heroism, in his case) hits incredibly close to home

my mom exuded confidence and always told me that confidence in myself over all else would save me, but she ultimately ruined confidence for me. I know there will always be this underlying thread of fear that if I’m not afraid-- that if I allow myself confidence-- that I will become like her. that I’ll hurt people with my pride

now this is all shit that I’ve known abt myself for a long time, and I know I’ve even mentioned some of this in passing before. but here’s what’s fucking me up nowadays: what happens when you cling to anxiety like this? what happens when you craft a disorder into your personality? where does subconscious reaction end and deliberate masking begin?

b/c here’s the other thing: I don’t truly hate myself. not rly-- not on the level I would say is dangerous or clinical. some of it may very well be real, but I definitely play it up. like play-acting at under-confidence

and it’s not like I don’t have pride either. I have tons of pride for various things I do or accomplish, namely academic studies, crafting/art, and just like working standards in general. when I can eloquently describe/argue my point, or accurately craft something to my inner image, I feel very real pride

but pride hurts. I feel pride, but equal to that is the shame I feel at feeling pride in the first place. it’s genuinely painful at times to accept a compliment without argument NOT because I necessarily disagree (tho there are definitely times where I DO actually disagree), but to accept a compliment is to admit I have pride in the thing being complimented, and THAT is unacceptable

and it’s not like my fear is unfounded either. I’ve hurt ppl w/ my pride before-- and this isn’t my anxiety making me self-critical, I KNOW this for a FACT. it simply comes with the territory of all that “gifted child” bullshit in school. yeah I was one of those. thankfully not a very outspoken student (the anxiety in my younger days was a lot more real and visceral), but I do still distinctly remember moments where my academic pride gave me an... inflated sense of presence over those that didn’t get the material, I guess u could say

I know there were times I made ppl feel small, due to my pride. hell, times I got overly, fearfully defensive of my knowledge or artistic skill to the point of talking over others and making them feel stupid. no one deserves to feel small, and it fucking tears me up to know that I did that to ppl. that I still knee-jerk react in that way sometimes, even now, and it still slips out

and isn’t that just proof that I can’t appropriately handle pride? that I’m not mature enough for confidence?

and it’s not even all about making myself small for others’ sake. half of it is this incredibly selfish knowledge that not living up to my own standards will fucking kill me if I let it

I feel like every ‘gifted kid’ experiences a chain events that starts at, “wow I’m so smart, I’m great at every subject!” and ends at, “christ I’m fucking garbage at literally everything.” we’re taught that success is in being able to do something well the first time (or at least quickly and with little effort), so if we’re not immediately good at something, we shut down b/c we were never taught that success is actually in the effort at the task

this has been talked to death by others so I don’t want to bother w/ it too long, but the critical thing to note is that there’s there’s this eventual sense of defeat in everything you do, when ur brought up w/ this mindset

I used to be somewhat competitive in certain things when I was younger-- the rare sports I played when I was RLY young, academics obviously, etc. or at least, competitive with my own personal standards, if not necessarily against other ppl. but every failure and mistake made me so upset that the angst was like. genuinely dangerous to my health

I used to play golf on a team in middle school, and every time I whiffed it I would get SO angry at myself that my dad literally told me that that level of upset would kill me someday and that I rly needed to stop

so I took that to heart and just. stopped caring

every time I whiffed it after that point, I was just like, “ah, well, what can ya do ¯|_(ツ)_/¯ ” this attitude definitely lowered my blood pressure, but it also rly killed my motivation to like... improve. b/c the thought of even trying to improve brought up all these feelings abt trying to meet my own standards of success, and how much it would hurt to fail

when u don’t set any standards u gotta meet, then when u fail u don’t rly fail, y’know? “well I didn’t even try, so it’s actually fine”

obviously I couldn’t give less of a shit abt golf anymore, but sometimes I wonder if my cold-turkey drop in confidence played a part in killing the interest itself? I know that sports and physical activity were never rly my thing in the first place, but did I perhaps give up so hard that I convinced myself that I didn’t even like those things in the first place?

I know it happened w/ academics at least: start to struggle with math? now I hate math. chemistry? that sucks too. etc etc

I kinda side-tracked here w/ all the talk of ‘gifted kid’ stuff, my point is that I have a vested interest in humbling myself-- to actively craft the persona of a meek, humble person

and I’ve been wondering if that, in and of itself, is manipulative. like, is it manipulative to let others think I rly lack THAT much in self-confidence? that I rly hate myself that much?

it certainly feels that way when I knee-jerk reject a compliment abt something I do, in fact, feel pride in-- when the shame at that pride is too much. but my friends don’t know it’s that reactive shame-- they think it’s that I rly don’t have confidence in that thing

but god, how do I even explain this fucking tangled, convoluted bullshit over my reaction to compliments? that I have to be small or I’ll hurt someone? that I do feel pride, and that’s the problem? what does that even MEAN to someone outside my own head??

and that’s not even to get into whether that manipulation is like, actually some subconscious tactic to get MORE compliments! am I fishing? when I make a post like this, am I actually just fishing for more compliments? is that what I’m doing??

I feel like I’m running in circles here, nipping at my own goddamned heels abt pride and shame and what is real and acting and does it even matter if nobody gets hurt?

do people get hurt? ppl get hurt when I allow myself pride, it’s happened before. but now I’m realizing that my self-hate may hurt ppl too-- my self-deprecation often goes too far, and it hurts the ppl who care abt me

how do I explain that self-deprecation is safe? a shield to hold back my pride? hell, it’s more accurate to say it’s a safe way to EXPRESS my pride in a way that ppl don’t detect. I acknowledge my faults, and if I frame it in a socially-acceptably comedic way, I get the pride of making someone laugh! it’s SAFE pride!

but is it? but is it, when it hurts ppl to hear me self-hate?

is there any way to feel pride safely?

I’ve never thought of myself as an actor, or as someone who can lie well (or at all). but can I lie, when I also believe the lie? is it a lie that I have anxiety? that I hate myself? that I have no confidence?

how much of me is real? how much does that hurt others? how do I carve out the parts of me that hurt others how do I make myself smaller in ways that are genuine and lasting and don’t hurt people??

I want to be small. I like being small. but am I small? or am I playing at being small?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

(cashing in on that safe comedic validation babeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

[elcrivain]

It’s time. You have to pick up that dreaded classic you have lying around. Maybe it’s Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, or even worse, William Shakespeare’s Richard III. Those things look terrifying with all that fancy bindings and annotations. But you have to read it anyway, either because some lame English professor assigned it or because you want to be well-read. Either way, you know it’s going to be hard.

Why do we struggle so? Why do such books make even the most avid of readers tremble in their boots? What is the problem with these damned things?

It’s all about the context. Or, rather, about how most modern readers lack the context to understand and appreciate classics. The boring dictionary definition of context is: The circumstance or setting in which an idea or even can be fully understood. If you don’t have context, an idea — such as the ones in classics — are liable to be misunderstood or outright overlooked. We, in all of our modernity, lack context for many classics in several respects.

The Context of Prose and Style

Language evolves. Sentence structure shifts. Words fall in and out of fashion. Even word meanings metamorphose.

It takes only a quick survey of English literature to see how much can change in a few hundred years (and we’re not even getting into translations):

A wys wyf, if that she can hir good,

Shal beren him on hond the cow is wood,

And take witnesse of hir owene mayde

Of hir assent; but herkneth how I sayde.

— Geoffrey Chaucer, “The Wife of Bath” in The Canterbury Tales (1475)

This isn’t the work of a drunken five-year-old with atrocious spelling skills. It’s Middle English, a variant of English spoken after the Norman Conquest in 1066 and before the 16th century. It bears some resemblance to modern English, but it’s gosh-darn hard to read without annotations (and alcohol).

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? — To die, — to sleep.

— William Shakespeare, Hamlet (1603)

Now that we’re in Modern English — yes, Shakespeare is modern — the spelling is improving, but it’s still tough to get through. Shakespeare’s heavy use of figurative language flummoxes us, literal-minded modern readers. No, those slings and arrows aren’t real!

The ledge, where I placed my candle, had a few mildewed books piled up in one corner; and it was covered with writing scratched on the paint. This writing, however, was nothing but a name repeated in all kinds of characters, large and small — Catherine Earnshaw, here and there varied to Catherine Heathcliff, and then again to Catherine Linton. In vapid listlessness I leant my head against the window, and continued spelling over Catherine Earnshaw — Heathcliff — Linton, till my eyes closed; but they had not rested five minutes when a glare of white letters started from the dark, as vivid as spectres — the air swarmed with Catherines; and rousing myself to dispel the obtrusive name, I discovered my candle wick reclining on one of the antique volumes, and perfuming the place with an odour of roasted calf-skin.

— Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (1847)

Compared to Shakespeare, Brontë seems straightforward, except for one thing. Like many other 19th century writers, she uses long, flowing, and descriptive sentence structure that seems incongruous compared to today’s staccato sentence structure.

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.

— George Orwell, Nineteen-Eighty-Four (1949)

Now that we’re in the really modern part of Modern English, things are so much better. Orwell adopts the simpler, more direct style that we’re more used to. Whew! (Note that simple and straightforward prose doesn’t always translate into simple and straightforward meaning.)

Not all troublesome prose comes from old and dead white folks. Some contemporary authors eschew plainness for some flair in their prose. Whether you find that dazzling or confounding is up to you.

…I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire… I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.

— William Faulkner, The Sound and Fury (1929)

Faulkner’s convoluted prose forces the reader to focus single-mindedly to follow along. Confusing as it may be, Faulkner’s marriage of the stream-of-consciousness writing of modernists and descriptiveness of Romanticism give a certain élan to his writing. Just don’t read him before bed as you’ll fall asleep without any memory of what you’ve read.

Now a member of the company seated there seemed to weigh the judge’s words and some turned to look at the black. He stood an uneasy honoree and at length he stepped back from the firelight and the juggler rose and made a motion with the cards, sweeping them in a fan before him and then proceeding along the perimeter past the boots of the men with the cards outheld as if they would find their own subject.

— Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian (1985)

McCarthy’s combination of complex sentences and a disdain of punctuation gives his writing an air of inscrutability. Love or hate him, you have to admit that the dude got a style.

The Context of Historical Settings and Culture

Most authors write for their contemporaries, not for some unknown high school student 100 years in the future. They assume that their reader knows the social and cultural contexts. Once a book survives the test of time, this assumption fails.

Jane Austen’s books serve as a good example of how our ignorance of the social mores of early 19th century genteel society can lead the reader to miss allusions that would’ve been obvious to a contemporaneous reader.

“Are any of your younger sisters out, Miss Bennet?”

“Yes, ma’am, all.”

“All! What, all five out at once? Very odd! And you only the second. The younger ones out before the elder ones are married! Your younger sisters must be very young?”

“Yes, my youngest is not sixteen. Perhaps she is full young to be much in company. But really, ma’am, I think it would be very hard upon younger sisters, that they should not have their share of society and amusement, because the elder may not have the means or inclination to marry early. The last-born has as good a right to the pleasures of youth at the first. And to be kept back on such a motive! I think it would not be very likely to promote sisterly affection or delicacy of mind.”

“Upon my word,” said her ladyship, “you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. Pray, what is your age?”

“With three younger sisters grown up,” replied Elizabeth, smiling, “your ladyship can hardly expect me to own it.”

Lady Catherine seemed quite astonished at not receiving a direct answer; and Elizabeth suspected herself to be the first creature who had ever dared to trifle with so much dignified impertinence.

“You cannot be more than twenty, I am sure, therefore you need not conceal your age.”

“I am not one-and-twenty.”

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

A reader unaware of the importance (and meaning) of “being out in society” in Georgian gentry wouldn’t note how uncouth it was to have five sisters out all at once, a serious social misstep by the Bennets. (And no, “coming out” doesn’t mean the same thing as it does today.) They would also have missed how tactless it was for Lady Catherine to harp on this point and Elizabeth’s impertinence for evading Lady Catherine’s question. This is why an unschooled reader would overlook the biting satire in Austen’s novels, which is a horrible shame.

Many classic novels attack contemporaneous cultural, religious, and social conventions. If you don’t understand the norms under attack, you lose context to why the novel was so daring, so bold.

I made this mistake with Jane Eyre. Upon my first reading at 13, I dismissed it as melodramatic slop. When I revisited it at 18, I saw how Charlotte Brontë criticizes the prevailing religious belief of charity and how remarkably independent Jane Eyre is, a shocking thing for a Victorian woman. I, however, still think that the book has too many dei ex machina (overly convenient plot twists).

The Context of Narrative Conventions

Following or breaking it, many classics take a stance on narrative conventions. Thomas Hardy embraces the pastoral and tragic narratives in Tess of d’Urbervilles as James Joyce bucks the Realists’ more removed narratives with his stream-of-consciousness writing.

To understand a book’s attitude toward narrative conventions is to understand why certain writing, plot, or characters elements exist (or disappear) from a novel. These expectations ease the way for your reading. Really!

When I began reading Tess of the d’Urbervilles, I knew that it was a pastoral tragedy, which prepared me for two important things. First, since it was a pastoral, I knew Hardy would describe the setting to such detail that the town(s) would become characters in their own rights. So I was prepared for passages like these which would seem unnecessary and boring to the average modern reader (fairly enough):

The village of Marlott lay amid the north-eastern undulations of the beautiful Vale of Blakemore or Blackmoor aforesaid, an engirdled and secluded region, for the most part, untrodden as yet by tourist or landscape painter, though within a four hours’ journey from London.

It is a vale whose acquaintance is best made by viewing it from the summits of the hills that surround it — except perhaps during the droughts of summer. An unguided ramble into its recesses in bad weather is apt to engender dissatisfaction with its narrow, tortuous, and miry ways.

— Thomas Hardy, Tess of the d’Urbervilles

Second, since Tess is a tragedy, I prepared myself for many frowny-face moments. If you go into a Hardy expecting a happy ending a la Pride and Prejudice, you’ve taken a wrong turn in the 19th-century bookstore.

The Context of Symbolism

When you’re a high school student studying The Great Gatsby, it might seem like the teacher is inventing all those meanings from rivers and currents to justify their paycheck. You think, “Damn it, why can’t a boat just be a boat?”

English teachers’ flights of fancy aside, symbolism is a real thing. Under the best of circumstances, symbolism deepens existing themes and ideas already present in the novel. Problems begin when you don’t recognize the signs of symbolism.

Here’s an example: The last lines heard ‘round the world:

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And one fine morning-

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Scholars have quarreled over the meaning of this passage for decades, showing that there is no purely correct answer. Therein lies the subjectivity of literary analysis — but it remains vital that you understand the purpose of symbolism and are able to recognize it. (Hint: watch for recurrent motifs and ideas.)

The Context of the Original Publication (or Performance)

This oft-overlooked context can massively alter your reading of a classic. Many classics weren’t originally presented in the format in which it is read today. Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales was performed in verse. Shakespearean plays were meant for the stage, not small English classrooms. And so it goes.

But those are well-known examples. The examples nobody talks about are these 19th-century epics, most of which were originally published in a serialized format where the author was paid by the word (Anna Karenina, A Tale of Two Cities, The Count of Monte Cristo). This small detail completely alters the structure and flow of those stories. The serialized format and the pay scheme encouraged such writers to write more, more, and more. This is why Anna Karenina clocks in at almost 1,000 pages filled with descriptive passages of Levin moving grass. The format also means that the author didn’t consider the “flow” of narration from chapter to chapter, creating a disjointed reading experience as the story hops from one perspective to another. These stories were never conceptualized as a novel in today’s sense. You might even benefit from reading in small bursts, just like these newspaper readers did more than 100 years ago.

If you happen to read a classic out of its original publishing context, be mindful of how that’ll affect your experience. To get the fullest and richest experience, you might want to revert back to the original storytelling form, such as watching a Shakespearean play or movie. (I recommend Much Ado About Nothing, just ignore Keanu Reeves.)

Context is everything. Without the right context, many classics appear inscrutable and downright mystifying. Most of us aren’t born with a knowledge of Middle English syntax and deep knowledge of manners among the English gentry during the Georgian era.

Where does that leave us, the befuddled readers? It leaves us with the hard reality that we need to investigate the context in which the classic was written. That means glancing at a Wikipedia page about the French Revolution before (and during) reading Les Miserables. It also means preparing yourself for a fantastical twirl through time in a South American village before you read One Hundred Years of Solitude. With some preparation, you can actually appreciate those dusty little classics.

N.B. I adopt the more expansive definition of classics as notable works of literature due to their excellence and significance, rather than the more traditional definition as pre-17th-century works of literature.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

Considering the NepDuo rarely delivers when it comes to these Myth heavy, complex episodes I have to ask. Outside of the obvious *cough* nepotism *cough* why? Whyyyyyyyy!!! Danneel did a good just though I was thinking there would be a bit more spice with her character. Dean must be really distracted considering he barely glanced at her. Really? Dean. An attractive woman/angel. Maybe if BuckLemming threw a dog collar on her... Sorry. ;). I wouldn’t be surprised if you heard the 1/3

the sound of my teeth grating from all the oh so convenient NepDuo writing. And I’m in the U.S.! These two are supposed to be professionals. If you are going to jam everything and the kitchen sink into an episode at least give the viewers the common courtesy of not treating us like idiots being spoon fed pablum. Seriously. Tie it all together logically and believably. My dog could poop out a better written script. Lucifer in charge is interesting. The returning door nail could be.The rest? So convoluted. And not in a good way. Too Winchester Light. I do love Ketch tho. Asmodeus? Too predictable. Too many evil plan monologues. Another magical weapon? Please. Worlds about to collide w/Michael as cherry on top? Yawn. EntiCas? Eh. Someone needs to wrest the Lamborghini keys from Dabbs hands as it is scraping the guard rail and threatening to go ass over tea kettle into the canyon below.  Enough with the side characters. I want to see Winchesters.Will Dean use the broken Michael sword against the Archangel sword wielding Ketch? Or perhaps he will finally use a Swiffer and dust off Gods Toothpick. Oh and I forgot. We have supercharged Rowena. If they have Michael using her as his vessel I think I will throw my TV across the room. Haven’t they ever heard less is more? I think this is a sign of being a crappy show runner. Pick a few storylines and focus. We don’t need a shiny new distraction every week.. 

Hey there anon from the U.S. :)

I think Danneel was the only interesting thing about the episode tbh. And I actually think with other writers or a different show runner her character could really turn into a rather complex and interesting force to mess with, because like I said in my last post during watching the episode for the first time, her introduction and her “long game” and the fact that at least that Bucklemming didn’t already spell out in neon bright letters (like the rest of the episode), but rather keeping it ominous enough with Anael just repeating again and again that he’ll help her, but never telling with what imo reminds of Metatron’s role a bit in terms of importance he got in S9 after his introduction in S8. In general to me the character feels a bit like a version of Anna 4.0.

As for dog collar, it made me feel pretty uncomfy to watch Lucifer feed on Anael - surprisingly however and very uncommon for this writing duo this was actually for once not non-con since Anael had agreed for it to happen, but I don’t know... maybe I am just weird, but the somehow the whole thing squicked me out, because it felt so overly sexualized to me and well I just don’t want to see Lucifer at all on the screen so... That’s just the shit cherry on top. So no, lol, I can’t agree I am interested in Lucifer in charge, because I don’t care about him in any way shape or form, the character should have stayed gone a long time ago imo. ;)

But yes, I agree with you on everything about poor writing. I mean, of course it’s nothing new with those two, but I feel they get worse with every episode they pen. And that bar is hanging pretty low already. My biggest issues are exactly what you wrote down as well. Too little Winchesters (they are the heart of the show after all), too little emotion, way too many poorly handled side stories. I mean, let’s just bring all of the loose ends up (and I don’t think all of them will be tied together properly in the end and even if they would be they still ripped SPN off what it made the show a success in the first place, the dynamic, the emotionsl involvement, none of this is front and center at present and for that reason the season feels hollow):

There’s Jack and Mary and Michael in apocalypse world. Then we have Ketch and Aesmodeus and the shedim and now even a new super weapon plus Donatello as a spy. Then there is the whole deal with Billie and her ominous speech that must be revisited later on and then now we have Lucifer and Anael with Heaven and the angels going extinct and Lucifer playing God. In all of this in some way shape and form the whole “Wayward Sisters” arc sort of also belongs and bleeds into the season and of course there is also the thing about the Empty and Castiel returning from there (maybe Anael plans on enetering that realm too to bring more angels back and rule over them?) and the repercussions that may pop up again (or probably not, because this was also one of those things that needed to happen because they needed to happen - lazy writing in other words). And yes, like you say then we have Rowena with all of her powers back - who Ketch was looking for too, so we’ll see what may happen there and oh yes, how could I forget then there are two brothers who get to have two episodes or so shown to struggle and then magically are made to be fine again but are sidelined for the rest of the episodes. It’s just.... bizarre tbh. And it makes me so sad because SPN doesn’t feel like SPN anymore. ;___;

As for Dean picking up the Michael sword to kill Michael with it would be awesome - do I think that’s anywhere in the cards with this writing team. No. It could work as a nice sort of “wrap up” if - should Dean wield that sword - Sam was the one to kill Lucifer wth the archangek blade. I think chances for that to happen are slim as well, but probably still better than for Dean to be playing a big part in the story under Dabb.

Just... ugh and sigh. This season could have been great if they had chosen to just focus on Jack (if Lucifer would have been part of that I wouldn’t have been ecstatic, but it would have been okay) and getting their mom back and then truly letting everything the Winchesters have been through catch up with them and make it a real emotional story about loss and all. That would have been enough and could have made for a great season, but with how the season and the last has been going it seems they are just randomly opening doors with no attention to close them again and more importantly to craft those stories well. So yeah, I’m disillusioned and sad and negative and I hate to be so negative all the time. It just pains me to see the vast potential that goes unused for absolute “Blarghhhh”-storytelling.

[jerrydog]

Disclaimer: I was a huge fan of the Justice League Unlimited animated series while growing up. You can say that I’ve been waiting for this movie my entire life.

I’ve read a lot of the initial reviews before watching this movie, and to say that I was disheartened with what the critics were saying is an understatement. After watching it though, I have to agree with most of them. I am talking about the critics with mixed reactions. Those who gave overly negative reviews obviously already hated this movie before even seeing it. It’s so apparent in the way they wrote their reviews. And that dude who said the way they digitally removed Henry Cavill’s mustache was distracting? I don’t know what the hell he was talking about. These folks are the equivalent of online trolls and are best ignored.

This movie could have been better. In fact it should have been better. But with the way the studio decided to rush things, and with certain creative decisions Zack Snyder and Co. made in the previous DCEU movies (like prematurely killing off Superman), the people behind this movie were basically making a movie with one had tied behind their backs. The fact that they managed to create a movie that is both watchable and fun is nothing short of a miracle. I do think that Batman vs Superman was not really a bad movie. Even if they tried to cram so many things in it, even if it was overly long, even if the way they introduced the future Justice League members was so contrived— it was quite fun to watch especially for fans of DC comics, despite its numerous loopholes and ridiculous plot points (hello, Marthagate). A lot of people didn’t like it though, to them the good points weren’t enough to offset the bad. Many complained about the convoluted plot. Justice League is not guilty of that. In fact, the plot may be too simple. A lot of people didn’t appreciate the dark tone, especially the brutal portrayal of Batman (which I loved). They would like Justice League. it’s lighthearted and funny. A lot of people thought Batman vs Superman was too long and there are so many unnecessary scenes. Justice League is a taut 2 hours and almost every scene is essential. So evidently the producers are pandering to those people who hated the previous movie. However, there are still a lot of glaring faults that are difficult to ignore. 

First, more of the good stuff. As with the rest of Zack Snyder’s movies, the cinematography is astounding. Hate his movies all you want, but even the worst one looks gorgeous on the big screen. Yeah the CGI looks unrealistic at times, but never to the point that it gets distracting. Also typical of Zack Snyder’s movies are awesome action scenes. Almost all of the action sequences here were awesome. And again, that one involving the Amazons was spectacular, arguably the best one in the movie. Another good point? This movie had a lot of funny jokes, and none of them fell flat. Many times the movie theater was bursting with laughter. The acting was also good. Each actor was cast perfectly in their roles. And kudos to the people behind Jason Momoa’s casting. He did the unthinkable. he transformed a comic book character that is often the butt of jokes into someone awesome. Perhaps the best part is the interaction of our heroes with each other. This is probably Joss Whedon’s doing, and it’s better than his work on the Avengers movies.

These characters are really fun to watch, and that makes Warner Brother’s decision to create a Justice League movie before introducing these heroes in their own solo movies look even more boneheaded. Granted, Cyborg probably cannot launch his own movie. Except for kids familiar with him based on the cartoons, most people don’t know the character. The little backstory they had on him in Justice League was enough, similar to the way Black Panther’s short back story in Captain America: Civil War was enough. But the Flash can launch his own movie. The back story given to him in Justice League was severely lacking. He was hit by lightning. That’s it. This problem would have been avoided if he was introduced in his own movie. The same can be said with Aquaman. Granted, when they were planning all this nobody would probably watch a solo Aquaman movie, but if the character had an extended cameo elsewhere people would have seen how awesome he is and they would watch a solo Aquaman movie where they could further flesh out the character. And that movie should have been released before Justice League! Suicide Squad got away with this because most of those villains were unknowns to many people. But these are very popular superheroes, even more popular than most of those included in the Avengers. They need back stories to flesh them out.

I am also not a fan of the musical score. It sounded like music you hear from movies released in the 80′s or 90′s. This is most apparent on this movie’s version of Wonder Woman’s theme. Gone are the riffs that made it so awesome. What I heard was a version that is more apt in an Opera.That definitely made me cringe. 

Perhaps the worst part of this movie is the main villain. I am not gonna complain about his appearance or the fact that he is purely CGI. That would be nitpicking. This villain has no backstory at all. He invaded the Earth many centuries ago. That’s it. Where did he come from? How does he travel from one place to another through those portals? Where do those portals lead? The movie does not give any answers. In fact Steppenwolf’s appearances are so arbitrary, he’s only there so our heroes would have someone to fight. What makes it worse is that he’s a pansy. He is way weaker than all the previous villains in the DCEU. You’d think they would have created a more formidable opponent to justify the need for our heroes banding together. If there’s one good thing about our villain, it’s that his minions have at least some sort of character compared to the totally nondescript ones we’ve all seen in movies such as Suicide Squad and The Avengers (gasp! blasphemy!). Otherwise, he’s arguably the most useless villain we’ve ever seen in a Superhero movie. Such a pity because this character is pretty bad ass in the comics!

But as I’ve said, the awesome characterization and the interactions between these heroes are enough to save this movie. And perhaps general audiences would like it more— thanks to the funny jokes, the tighter pacing, the reduced screen time, and the lighter tone. By the time the end credits rolled a lot of people were clapping their hands. I did not witness such a reaction when I saw Batman vs Superman. Justice League may be flawed, but based on that reaction i guess Warner Brothers is headed in the right direction. I just hope that by the time the sequel comes out, we will finally get the Justice League movie that we all deserve.

—

my rating: 3.5/5

[wildcrisis]

21 and 16!

21. which self doubts plague you the most often? which ones don’t you worry about?

Hmm, I think  the self doubt I struggle with the most is believing I’ll be able to actually finish a story. My life is a series of unfinished works, whether they’re decorating or writing or building. It’s always been that way, for whatever reason! But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned a lot more self-discipline … Maybe that’ll help me out! 

Another self doubt, I dunno what you’d call it, but I’m always afraid that the next chapter is going to turn people off of the story. I can’t explain it, but I’m always extremely nervous to post an update – I guess I’m afraid of disappointing people who may like my work! 

I don’t compare my writing to others, nor do I compare popularity. For me, writing is a relaxing hobby (aside from times of frustration when things aren’t shaping up correctly, haha!). So, I guess I never really worry about how my writing compares to others. If writing were my life, if I had more time to dedicate to bettering it, then it may have been different! 

16. three pieces of other’s writing that people need to read to understand your inspirations and you?

Oh gosh, this is a hard one! Most of my inspiration for writing came from books, but there have been some influential fanfics over time! 

The Fifth Act by Sinnatious was one of the first fanfictions I read while I was in college (I didn’t ready any fanfics between ages 19-20, because I was being a crazy college kid). It was the first work to really inspire me to try and write fanfiction again! And I did write a lot, but it was stuff I never published – just things shared between friends. It also got me back into RPing, which had been a long forgotten hobby for me. 

What I love about that work is, truly, the author’s writing style. I was always on the edge of my seat while I was reading this fic. Each character’s POV was completely on point, the emotions felt so raw and real, the story was engrossing – I was hooked and still am. I can tell you, clearly, where I was and what I was doing the first time I read it. I was 21, browsing fanfics on livejournal, on the couch of the first duplex I lived in in this college town, I was on my phone because we didn’t have internet for the summer, and it was early in the afternoon before I had work later. That’s how much of an impact that fic had on me – that I remember this much detail about it six years later. I would kill to write an amazing AU that beautiful.

wait no i won’t actually kill kasdfjsdf

Falling by @soulestring was the first BNHA fic I ever read. I was immediately hooked by the writing style (Are you sensing a pattern? I’m a sucker for unique writing styles I think), but I was kept interested by the author’s brilliant depictions of emotion, coupled with amazing understanding of every character. There was no guess work with this fic – I could picture every scene so clearly in my mind, because it was so well described! The language isn’t overly flowery, it’s concise and … just, perfect.  This is the fic that planted the thought in my mind, maybe I could write for this fandom too. 

One of my most recent inspirations is Theory of Liminality by @deafmic. What really drew me to this fic was the descriptiveness of each character’s actions and habits. I feel like I completely understand the character, whether its Aizawa or Mic, whenever their POV is being written from. I feel like I am  the character when I read it, because of how spot on each action, each thought, each emotion is written out. It’s not robotic – the actions are literally dripping with that character’s personality. Every important detail is highlighted and thoroughly fleshed out, with no filler in the way. Also, what really pulls me in is – reading from Mic’s POV, he’s without a sense that I live with every day. There are so many details that I would never think about, because … I’ve never had to before, I suppose. It’s really inspired me to write about something that I deal with in my day to day life, that perhaps someone else does too, and it’ll connect with them as well. 

And of course, it’s not writing, but @keiid absolutely inspired me to write in this fandom. The first fic I wrote was 100% inspired by her art – she drove me to create something I could share, for the first time in a long time. 

If you’re looking to understand me, though? I don’t know what I’d tell you to read, hahaha! I guess my biggest influences growing up were authors like JK Rowling (Harry Potter was still coming out when I was in middle/high school), Anne Rice, and Brian Jacques. JK Rowling taught me how to write in a way that is soothing and easy to read. Anne Rice taught me how to write raw emotion and expressions that could rip right through you. Brian Jacques taught me both what to do and what not to do. When I was too young, I tried to read his books .. and the descriptions were so convoluted I was easily bored. So, he taught me what would make someone with a shorter attention span (like me as a kid) lose interest. However, once I stopped being a punk and actually read the Redwall series when I was in high school, I got so much out of it .. about story pacing, about writing groups – a lot really. 

Uhh. I think I got off track about the question. WHOOPS, SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING!! 

[hangonimevolving]

The Happiest Place on Earth, and New Year 2020 Adventures

Dear readers - I have a really convoluted update for you all today, but (I think) it has a happy ending!

First of all. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020! Hope the new year brings us all peace, fulfillment, and most of all.... GOOD HEALTH.

The family and I kicked off the holiday season in a veritable flurry of activity. The kids celebrated their school holiday show with great fanfare...

And then I had a personal high, as I completed my second-ever Jingle Bell Jog 5K race successfully!

This was the first event of my race series and fundraiser for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. so I was extra happy at having ticked this item off my to-do list.

That same day, just hours after I crossed the finish line, Dr. Spouse, the kids and I packed up the car and headed north to the Orlando area, for a 6 day vacation. The week was planned to include a four-day stint visiting the parks at Walt Disney World along with my parents, who would be flying directly from New Orleans to join us.

We had a blast on this trip! After a few rough months, it was so much fun to make new memories with Ajima and Thatha, especially since taking the grandkids to Disney has long been an item on Thatha’s bucket list. We were delighted to help him work on this one!

The trip was *almost* perfect. Almost. There was just one hiccup.... and fortunately/unfortunately, it mainly involved me.

I woke up on the final day of our Disney parks adventures - Thursday, December 26 - ready to tackle Epcot, which is my favorite of the four parks. But the minute my eyes popped open, I just knew something wasn’t 100% right with me. I felt like I’d been hit by a BUS. I had horrible body ache all over, my head was pounding, and my chest felt heavy, as if someone had poured a gallon of wallpaper paste into my lungs. I groaned to myself, knowing what this meant - I was probably coming down with a cold - but I still forced myself up and to get ready, since it was our last day of the trip and there was no way I was missing it!

By the time we loaded into the car and headed out, the leaky faucet nose had started.  I definitely sneezed a LOTTTTTTT through the entire day - huge, rib-cracking sneezes, that had my entire rib cage and back hurting well before lunchtime and through the evening. But I pressed forward, tried not to make a big deal. As I had been throughout the trip, I was even more militant in insisting the family use hand sanitizer and antibacterial hand wipes all day long than I already had been (which was a lot). But yeah, it was a very long and difficult day.

I put myself to bed in isolation that night - I didn’t want anyone else catching my germs!  The good side of my isolation is, I didn’t disturb anyone else’s sleep that night, and I managed to abstain from infecting anyone. One down side is, I suppose it meant that no one in the house saw how sick I actually was, and by the transitive property, perhaps even I didn't register how sick I was. That night, I ran a very high fever, yet was having teeth-chattering chills for hours. I couldn’t breathe through my nose, and coughed nonstop. I got awful, fitful sleep, with weird, violent, vivid dreams all night.

The next day, I started suspecting that maybe I didn’t just have a cold - maybe it was the flu?  We tried to locate an urgent care clinic where I could get a rapid flu test, but it proved hard to find anywhere with a <6 hour wait, and I was absolutely determined not to get anyone else sick (least of all my post-CABG father or my two young kids).  So I insisted Dr. Spouse just call in a Tamiflu prescription for the entire household - it would be therapeutic for me, and prophylactic for all of them. He dutifully obliged, and we were all on Tamiflu by 2:30 pm Friday. We said goodbye to my parents this evening - they flew out of Orlando directly to New Orleans - and Dr. Spouse, the kids and I would drive back to Miami the next day.

That night’s sleep was worse than the previous, and featured the worst fever sweats I’ve ever had in my life, soaking through all my clothes, all the bedsheets, down to the mattress cover. It seriously looked like someone had dumped the Gatorade bucket on me after winning the Super Bowl. And again, I had violent, bloody dreams of war imagery all night....

The next day was every bit as painful as the last, and perhaps more so - my entire head and chest were clogged with sludge, the body ache was debilitating, and worst was that I felt like I couldn’t really think straight or make good decisions.  In a nutshell, we weren’t packed up at all, and I woke up from fitful sleep about 9:30 that day and to my horror realized we had to check out of the rental cottage by 11 - - I was trying to run around and pack, but my body and brain were literally not working properly together.  It was brutal - and we were definitely an hour late vacating the property.  I ended up falling asleep within minutes as we started our drive home, and slept 3.5 hours of the 4 hour drive, which SHOCKED me and Dr. Spouse - I never sleep on road trips!  Should have known this was a bad sign that something was really wrong.

Sunday and Monday, things started looking up. I still had terrible sinus congestion, but the cough and fevers were improving, and my energy level was slowly returning! Hurray! Time to get back to normal..... except, weirdly, some new weird symptoms popped up. I was blowing my nose a LOT, admittedly - but I developed a nosebleed sometime early Monday morning, and it just... didn’t stop. For well over 24 hours. Then I noticed a few weird red spots on my face and neck - I assumed maybe I’d scratched in my sleep when I was sweaty at night? But by Tuesday, there were more red spots in more places. Everywhere. On my back, stomach, chest, arms, legs, feet... my sinus symptoms were better, but these spots were weird.  It hit a head on Tuesday morning when Dr. Spouse and I sat down to breakfast. I definitely had more spots than I’d had an hour before. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and began to eat, but then I noticed my mouth felt funny. I realized, to my horror (sorry, TMI) - I had big spots in my mouth too, and they looked like these blood-filled blisters all over the insides of my cheeks and the back of my throat. They looked like dark purple jellybeans, stuck everywhere on my oral mucosa - and some of them were doubling and tripling in size before my very eyes. One burst, right there at the table, and suddenly a trickle of blood oozed our the corner of my mouth. Dracula Mommy, yikes - Dey was at once amazed and horrified. And all the while, my nose was still bleeding.

Dr. Spouse looked grave and got panicky. He had three patients to see in clinic, but he wanted me to get medical attention ASAP.  I initially felt like maybe this was a bit of an overreaction, I didn’t think it warranted an ER trip, and I was feeling rather sheepish to bother a lot of people, and bewildered at the childcare logistics - especially considering it was New Year’s Eve.  Besides, my sinus congestion and energy level were feeling better - so how sick could I really be?  

Well, turns out I was wrong. It turns out there was actually something seriously wrong with me.

Blood tests revealed I had developed a very serious condition called thrombocytopenia. This is a condition where a person’s blood platelets levels drop dangerously low, making it difficult or impossible for them to clot. It makes any sort of wound or injury or weakness in any vessel or the body a potential site for deadly hemhorrage. In my case, it happened to be very severe. The normal lab ranges for blood platelets are between 150,000-400,000. At my ER admission, my labs came in at 1,000, with a little downward arrow next to them! It was a dire situation - basically, I could have hemhorraged from anywhere, from my head to my toes, from my brain to my entire GI tract.  I could have died.

Very quickly after the issue was diagnosed, I was administered a transfusion of IV steroids, followed by two units of donor platelets.

After the platelets, I had to receive something called IVIG, or IV immunoglobulins. I believe these are to boost my immune system and help it stop accidentally nuking itself in the course of fighting the flu virus, or whatever pathogen started me down this insane road. The IVIG infusion, as it would turn out, would take like HOURS - maybe 8 hours total - and it was determined that I’d have to be admitted to the hospital (to the ICU, no less!) for a whopping FOUR DAYS, to receive further IVIG treatments until my platelet levels came back to an acceptable range. I was FLOORED and overwhelmed at this news, of course - again is really thought perhaps Dr. Spouse was being overly cautious initially. But I soon realized the gravity of the situation and promised to comply with all the healthcare professionals’ advice.

Although I cringed to do it, knowing a) what they’ve gone through recently, and b) the fact that we’d JUST spent the week with them in Orlando and sent them peacefully home, I found myself with no choice but to phone Ajima and Thatha from the ER and explain what was going on. True to form, they mobilized within minutes, and had plane tickets booked in no time. They arrived right around midnight on New Years Eve to relieve our wonderful friend/former Nanny S, who graciously pinch-hit and babysat the kids at home so Dr. Spouse could come be with me. I’d been in the ER from about 1 pm till maybe 5:30 or 6 pm, and eventually been transferred to an intermediary ICU room, where I’d spend the next 4 days.

Do you see my purple spots??  Hard to visualize in these pics, but they’re there.

I spent the next 4 days mostly in bed - I wasn’t permitted to walk around unattended, use the bathroom on my own, shower without supervision, etc. because even though I felt fine and am ordinarily physically able, I was considered a bleed risk if I accidentally stumbled or took a fall.  So in bed I stayed.  And for about 10-12 hours each day, I received IV infusions through both arms of steroids and IVIG.  It was a surreal experience, but also an incredibly fortuitous one, in that I didn’t really feel all that sick!  Dr. Spouse would come visit me for a few hours each afternoon through the nights, and my parents would bring the kids for about an hour each evening.  I had a wonderful crew of nurses who looked after me, talked with me, made sure I was comfortable and well-fed.  And my medical team was also very good, especially my hematologist, who was careful, methodical, and very even-keel about everything, explaining what had likely happened to me, what the next steps were, and what I should look out for in the future. 

I have A LOT more to say about this experience, especially all that has now happened afterwards, and all the follow-up care I must now receive.  It is going to be a journey for awhile longer.  But for now, a few thoughts in closing out this post....

It’s weird. Obviously, I wish NONE of this had happened - but I also felt so incredibly lucky.  Because: 

1). I’m so glad my post-heart surgery dad, senior citizen mom, and young kids didn’t get this virus, and that it was only me.  I’m also glad Dr. Spouse, our primary breadwinner, care provider for hundreds of people, and our beloved daddice of our family didn’t get it.  

2). If this absolutely had to happen to me, I consider myself lucky that in recent years, I’ve put my fitness first, and especially these last few weeks, I’ve been training for a race series, which means I’ve been eating right, training rigorously, attending to my cardiovascular health as well as my lean muscle composition, taking lots of multivitamins, and even pursuing yoga for restorative, rehabilitative, and emotional/mental health.  Basically, I was AS HEALTHY as I could have been going into this, and I think that saved my life.  I didn’t have a fatal vascular weakness that gave way to hemorrhage, because I’ve had the blessing of the opportunity to take good care of myself.

3). I have an ANGEL on my side.  My uncle Marley was definitely looking out for me.  Aside from being a huge source of love and support - it so happens that Marley suffered for many years from a platelet disorder which was constantly being managed.  He was of course the first person who came to mind when I got diagnosed with this issue - - and I swear he was looking out for me. I even have evidence to that effect.  Will share in a followup post.

4). Last but not least - - this one is overwhelming and wonderful.  

I met my husband when we were about 18 years old.  I had no idea at the time what the future held for us - but this person has evolved into many things, including a WONDERFUL, sensitive, intelligent, and proactive physician. He is REALLY, REALLY good at what he does for a living - and I think that’s because he would do it even if he didn't make a living doing it.  He LOVES his particular field of medicine.  And it so happens that he is a stroke neurologist, who sees patients with brain bleeds and emergency events related to bleeding/clotting every single day.  So it was my incredible fortune that the man I’m married to, saw what was happening with me, wasted ZERO time, and insisted I get care. 

My husband saved my life.  He is my hero.

Alright.  I think I’ll end this one here.  In upcoming posts, I’ll be discussing several things, including:

- the aftermath of my great Flu Adventure - the types of follow-up care and remaining question marks about my health (and hopefully I’ll be getting some reassuring data to share here!)

- an update about my Race Series!  Obviously (and heartbreakingly) I’m going to have to rejigger some things here.  I am working on my emotions with this.  But I’ll share it all with you.

In conclusion - -  I want to wish you all a happy new year.  May it be a year of good health and fortune for everyone!  Big hugs and big love  :)

[askshalvanic]

Yume Nikki rant/thoughts

Ahh, Yume Nikki, one of the most renowned RPG games in history. While certainly not as nearly as popular as Undertale, it does have its spot within the RPG community, and some people like the game, hell, there’s some who find it inspirational or even life changing. Now, the problem is… I don’t really share this opinion or thoughts on it. In fact I don’t like the game very much. I didn’t really enjoy it, and to be honest, I immediately uninstalled it and wanted to forget about it the moment I was done playing it. The reason for this was that it was mostly a negative experience. I did have a few moments that I enjoyed here and there, so it wasn’t all that negative, but about 80% or so of it did make me think “can’t wait for this piece of shit to be over”. Now, I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but I really, REALLY don’t like Yume Nikki.

I may draw some comparisons to Bioshock Infinite in the sense that this masterpiece of a game that almost everyone and their grandmother consider worthy of a TEN OUT OF FUCKING TEN doesn’t really bode well with me either (I say this mostly because I feel that I’m in the minority when it comes to the people that have played this game and not loved it), and I honestly consider these two the games that I am not willing to play ever again in my life. But this ain’t about Biocunt Integrate, it’s about the dreadful world of Yume Nikki.

Also, I guess as a fair warning, SPOILERS AHEAD IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT. This was more than anything meant to be a self reflection on what I thought was wrong with the game, and thus ended up mentioning a lot of spoilers, so if you want to play it blindly, go ahead before reading this, you might take a while though.

I’ll start with the things that personally I liked or made me have some form of respect for the game because it’s easier to list those reasons given there are very few positives, and because I want to get that out of the way first. I guess the positives would be that I liked the atmosphere the game had. It was unnerving, and scarier than most games that claim themselves to be horror games and only rely on cheap and predictable jumpscares and nothing else. And Yume Nikki literally just has some fucking sprites and dark rooms, and yet it’s one of the most disturbing and honestly creepy things I’ve seen. The soundtrack’s just a bunch of looped sounds that doesn’t last too long, but it still adds something to the feel of each world that makes it different from the others. The world designs too are amazing (except for Hell) and each of them looks interesting in their own way. The fact that each effect had its own little details whenever you used them was also pretty cool. The lack of a conventional way to tell a story and just leaving things for you to interpret was an interesting choice from the dev, and the fact that Gast- I mean, Uboa, which is one of the most interesting things about the game isn’t central to the story or you don’t even have to see it to beat the game is actually really cool. Overall I guess it is safe to say it is a pretty unique and well thought out game in general, and I respect it from an artistic point of view.

Now, for the obviously much bigger list of negatives. See, my first problem with the game is how overly complex some things in it are. Several of the events are RNG based, so you basically have to get lucky for some of the most intriguing or interesting moments in the game. Then there’s also the fact that not only events, which are completely optional so there’s not too much of a problem, but also one of the fucking effects that you need to get is tied to an RNG, meaning that you better get lucky and get it at the first try because otherwise it’s gonna be waking up, going to hell, go through the previous world before that one and then get to the actual world again, hoping you get the right one this time. I get it for events that you don’t even need to see to finish the game, BUT FOR ONE OF THE STEPS TO GET TO AN EFFECT TO BE RNG? I sincerely find that pretty bullshit and unnecessary. But that’s a minor issue I had.

The bigger issues are more or less tied to the existence of Hell itself. I mean, it does justice to its name, its a fucking torture to go through it, not only because if you take the wrong turn at any point or don’t have any reference of where you are going or are constantly looking at a fucking map you WILL get lost, but also because it’s so stupidly bright red that after a while of being there your eyes will scream for mercy, and you will more than likely spend a long time in that place, if not because you got lost, then because you essentially need to go through it more than once if you want to actually beat the game. Some people may think it adds to feeling of adventure and danger and excitement, but I simply find it annoying and a nuisance. Essentially, this game isn’t for overly impatient people. You complain about loading screens? Boy, get ready to meet HELL. Admittedly, you do get to do a lot more during the travel from point A to hell to point B, and there is danger there, but I would rather sit through a few moments of a loading screen than have to deal with the bright as the sun red tone in the background designed to either drive you insane or to completely fuck up your eyes, and once you get the stop light effect, the toriningen becomes kind of irrelevant at the price of walking at a normal pace. It can be fixed by just looking at a map but even then it’s still an eye sore and even with the map you can get lost, which happened to me a lot, and the fact that you NEED to go through hell in order to get to other worlds for their respective effects makes it all the more annoying and sigh inducing whenever you see the multi-shaped little shit portal that takes you there.

Another major issue is perhaps the fact that if it wasn’t because a wiki exists or because I had help through most of the game, I would have never figured out where to even get the effects, which ones I was missing, how did they look like or how to get to neat little events that were honestly quite interesting and well made. I know that’s what some people might find charming or the whole point of the game really, to find it out by yourself, but to be honest I would have given up eventually after being unable to find any more stuff because it is all so hidden. I can appreciate when a game goes out of its way to be mysterious, when there’s stuff to find, when it is challenging, but honestly, most of the stuff in this game is far too convoluted for me to give it a pass on that. Aside from the instructions, you are pretty much on your own and therefore entirely fucked. Hell, I would have thought the minigame with the console was somehow important or it would give me something interesting at the end, but reading “nah it’s just a jumpscare” made me realize a lot of this game would be confusing or I’d believe something would be important when really its not. And having somewhat of a trolly person as your guide doesn’t help much either.

Speaking of which, my guide and friend also took part in what makes me not want to play or hear anything about this game ever again. Because of the way he hyped up the ending, even when I started to hate the game a part of me thought “the ending will probably be worth it” to keep going on. The ending, do it for the ending. I’ll talk about the ending later, but needless to say that part of me was wrong, and the ending was somewhat overhyped  him. This was a minor inconvenience however when compared to the one thing that even made me stop mid stream and say “I’m done” and then close the game out of the blue. The god damn insistence on me having to play the game one way, as opposed to how I want to play it. Yes, I might have missed some events that were interesting, but given the fact that he tends to trick me into thinking something when really something else is going on already had me mistrust his guidance to a certain degree, and had me looking up shit on my own to confirm if he was saying the truth. I honestly felt after a while that I was being forced to do things one way instead of doing them by myself and the way I wanted to do it, that is why it was more of a chore than a game, I felt like I was doing some sort of homework that I had to finish at some point, I felt obligated to do it and that made me hate more than anything, the fact that I felt like I HAD to finish it as opposed to wanting to finish it. Feeling forced to do something makes you not want to do it, especially when someone keeps banging over your head “DO IT THIS WAY, DO THIS BECAUSE YES EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT IMPORTANT, DO IT MY WAY NOT YOURS” was a tad overwhelming and made me feel like I was being manipulated and like I needed to do it one single way. Feeling like that sincerely made me want to rush to game, to be done with it, to not have anything to do with it again, and so I did. I started regarding it less like a cool but fucked up game and more like one fucked up homework that I had to do because I had no choice in the matter (sorry if you see this, but you did influence my views in this game a lot).

And this takes me to my final point as to why I dislike this game so much, and this is where I start comparing it to Biodrug Ultimate and its the ending. See, both games have this feeling to me that for some reason if you miss anything or if you don’t do something in specific you will get a bad ending out of however many there could be, because being games that look so creative and unique they probably have more than one ending, right? Well, that is a lie for both of them, but unlike Bioterrorist Influence I didn’t have my expectations high for Yume Nikki. I was already expecting the worst, without much hope for anything because I had Hyoko to tell me at least that there was one and only one ending. And even then the ending still fucked me up, because I didn’t know what, out of all the horrible things that could happen, to expect. And while it was leagues better than the shit show Biodunked Ontimate had to offer for one of the most disappointing endings I’ve ever seen, it doesn’t make it any less depressing or empty. By the time I had finished the game I felt like absolutely nothing that I had done was worth it, like the journey to get here had been void and meaningless. This wasn’t disappointing because I was already expecting nothing from the start, but it did upset me because I had learned nothing and I left with nothing but a bitter taste. Yes some events were pretty cool, same with most of the worlds, it was an interesting concept of visiting a girl’s consciousness through her dreams, and since most dreams tend to be fucked up it would make sense for hers to be pretty bizarre as well. But what was about the effects and about her dreams that drove her to suicide? What did she feel like after exploring all over her own mind and dreams that would make her do that? Why? WHY?! To top it off, I actually felt like it was me the one that drove her to it. Digging so far deep into her consciousness that she felt the only way to deal with her problems was to end with her own life, and that I was the one that pushed her off. I don’t care that she doesn’t actually exist, I don’t care that this all a videogame that I ended up hating, it’s still all so fucked up and it feels awful that with the press of one key I was the one that made her jump into the abyss, never to return again or dream again. I felt empty, sad, upset, thinking about why did things have to turn this way. I hesitated for a while to even make her go up those stairs, but I feel like in the end my own desire to be done with it all, to close the loop, to never come back to this game again made me do it, because I know this is a game, I know many others before me and many more after will press that key to send Madotsuki crashing against the pavement down below, but that doesn’t make it any less horrifying or fucked up that I sent a little girl to her own death. I never did the Genocide Route in Undertale because I felt that after having establishing a bond with such lovable and interesting characters I’d be guilty of not only betraying their trust for my own amusement but that I would also take away that feeling of uniqueness and of having such well thought out and caring characters that sincerely made me cry at the end of the Pacifist Route and turning it all into dust, into void, only to get to that one boss battle that everyone keeps praising and that turned Sans into the actual joke that he’s become now within the Undertale Fandom. But that is a rant for another day. The point is, I didn’t do it because to me Undertale is much more than just an RPG, more than just a game, it meant a lot to me and I cared deeply about the characters, to the point of not wanting to murder them, even though I know its a game and it won’t matter either way in the real world, I feel like not caring would make me even more of a twat, and even though I didn’t enjoy Yume Nikki, that still doesn’t mean I wanted Madotsuki to die. Even when I sent her forward I had hoped for there to be something that saved her or for her to actually not jump out of the balcony even if I told her to. Fuck me for having nice thoughts I guess. Oh I also did make the choice to be a nice Madotsuki that didn’t murder anything even though my friend was insisting that I should be the exact opposite of that but whatever.

In the end, I guess the bad things do overweight the good things for me as far as this game goes, and I still feel this sense of emptiness when I think about it. If there is a message, I am unclear about what it is. The world of dreams is incomprehensible? If you dig too far into your unconscious you won’t like what you’ll find out? No matter what you do the outcome of things is inevitable? That death is the true ending for everything? Life and dreams are meaningless? The more I think about it the more it feels like I’m straying away from whatever meaning there is because it all felt so pointless and just not worth it that I can’t find a meaning to all of it. Like, what was the point of driving Madotsuki to suicide? What was the whole point of gathering the effects if she was going to end up dead anyway? Would anything have changed if I hadn’t looked for the things? Nothing changes no matter what you do in the game, so then what does it matter? Did it happen because she was on a quest to find herself and who she is within these dreams and was unable to find it so she then killed herself? I just don’t really know what the point of it all is, and this is exactly my problem with Bioshock 3: The Electric Boogaloo too, after all I did, and all I went through it seems as if thought it was pointless, like I shouldn’t even have bothered if I wasn’t going to be able to change anything for better or for worse.

[atrocitycl]

Hi! I really enjoyed reading your review of Twice's "Knock Knock". I'm also very curious on your stance of 'shipping' idols and am looking forward to the day you post about that topic! At any rate, my main question is: how many times do you listen to a song before you review it/make a judgement? How much would a review change if you wrote one on the first listen and then another several listens after? Thanks for your time, and I hope you keep up the great content! :)

Hello. First of all, I am glad you enjoyed the review and also, thank you for sharing your interest in the potential discussion on “idol shipping.” If it is something readers are curious about, I will definitely give it some priority. 

On topic, this is a very excellent question. To answer how many times I listen to a song before reviewing it, it truly does depend on many variables. Generally speaking, however, I try to give at least three days before actually writing a review regardless of how much (or little) analytical work has been done beforehand. The reason for this is--whether it is a genuine phenomenon or not--that I tend to have a “first-listener bias”; in other words, the first playbacks I have of a song tend to be either overly generous or overly critical. This is simply due to how I naturally “check” if a song suits my preferences. To use TWICE’s “Knock Knock” as an example, I was already hooked within the first playback. This is, as addressed in the review, due to the song merely fitting my preferences for songs I like. Of course, however, the issue with this first-time bias is that I was suddenly assuming the song was very solid without actually being critical of it. Thus, the three-day period ensures that any “excitement” I have towards a song dies down so that I can truly write a more critical review--and of course, the same applies to songs where I already dislike a song due to mere stylistic features.

Now regarding actual analytical work, this is layered in with the minimal three-day waiting period. For an example with TWICE’s “Knock Knock,” I personally spent a week of actual analysis with each day having around six serious listening sessions--these sessions are where I take time to really focus in on the song and, while I am doing so, am writing down notes on points of discussions or points that are strong or weak. It should be clarified, however, that “Knock Knock” is by far an exception; seldom do I spend this much time for one song. I only did it as the composers very much stunned me and I wanted to really understand what was occurring. 

Overall, to simply share my general review process, it tends to follow this process: 

The first day is me listening to a song casually. This is, as discussed, to understand where my current biases lie, and it also allows me to become familiar with the song.

Day two is when I prepare to be more analytical but am not listening to the song’s actual composition quite yet. For what I do on this day: I will focus on listing down the sections involved; finding the English translated lyrics (and fixing lost-in-translation mistakes with grammar and such); do some minimal research on the artist (especially with getting to know the artist if I am not familiar); and lastly, I start preparing the links for the review (whether it involves the music video, dance practice, an audio link, etc.). As noticed, though, the most important detail here is that I am not actually analyzing the song yet. At most I casually listen to the song a few times, but this pause of listening and analysis is to really allow all my initial biases to fade away.

Day three--and arguably “day three to day X”--is when I finally begin analyzing the song. Now what this looks like is addressed above in terms of really listening to a song and taking notes on any detail that catches my attention or that I think would bring an interesting discussion. This process can take up to a day (and on average it usually does), but as seen in TWICE’s case, this can extend all the way to a week if a song happens to be quite convoluted. And for those wondering on what exactly I am actively listening for, this would perhaps entail an actual post to thoroughly explain. But in short, the biggest guiding factor I use when actively listening and being critical of a song is asking “Why did the composers choose to do X here; what effects were they aiming for?” A huge misconception with music reviewers or simply critical listeners is the idea that critical listeners are merely selective listeners; that is, it is assumed that being critical about a song means being able to hear subtle details involved. This, as addressed in a review on Apink’s “Only One,” is incredibly false: the critical aspect is from asking and attempting to answer why versus merely being able to find the what. In truth, no one necessarily cares if one is able to hear all the minute sounds involved; what people do care for, however, is a discussion--especially since music is subjective--about why a song plays out the way it does. 

And finally, after all the analytical work is all done and I have a document that is well-fleshed with points to discuss, then I begin the actual writing process. This is can take only one hour but also up to around five or even six hours--as was the case with TWICE’s “Knock Knock.” Overall, though, as long as the analytical work I did beforehand was thorough, the writing process is not too difficult as it becomes a task of then “translating” those notes into actual, articulated sentences.

All in all, thank you very much for asking this question. I think it is definitely an important question to ask as readers should very much be wondering how I do in fact review songs and the processes involved, so thank you very much for taking the time to ask this. 

[sequentialartconfidential]

Okay, so new year, new opportunities. I’m going to attempt to review the comics I buy each week again. I tried it for a while but I kept getting sidetracked so here we go again. I want to preface this by saying that I am not a professional reviewer/critic, all I can offer you is my opinion of the work. I typically buy anywhere from $30-50 worth of new comics weekly so I can’t review everything but if you have a suggestion for a book I should try I’m more than happy to check it out. I also have a tendency to stalk used book stores and comic conventions for old graphic novels and I am especially fond of the clearance bins at Half Price Books so I will share reviews of those as well. The main thing that I love about cheap graphic novels is that I can pick up things that I may never have taken a chance on otherwise due to price considerations. I have found a lot of great comics that way. I also want to preface these reviews by saying that I do write and draw comics of my own so some of my opinions may be skewered by that experience.

Week One: 1/3/2018

Books purchased:

Star Wars Issue 41 Kieron Gillen/Writer Salvador Larroca/Artist Marvel

Batman White Knight Issue 4 (of 8) Sean Murphy/Writer/Artist DC

Scales and Scoundrels Issue 5 Sebastian Girner/Writer Galaad/Artist Image

X-Men Grand Design Issue 2 Ed Piskor/Writer and Artist Marvel

Star Wars Forces of Destiny (Leia) One-Shot Elsa Charretier/Co-Writer and Artist Pierrick Colinet/Co-Writer IDW/Disney

Rat Queens Issue 7 Kurtis J. Wiebe/Writer Owen Gieni/Artist Image

Paper Girls Issue 19 Brian K. Vaughan/Writer Cliff Chiang/Artist Image

Rock Candy Mountain Issue 7 (of 8) Mountain Kyle Starks/Writer and Artist Image

Walking Dead Issue 175 (1 of 6 in the New World Order storyline) Robert Kirkman/Writer Charlie Adlard/Artist Image

 My Favorite Thing is Monsters Emil Ferris/Writer and Artist Fantagraphics

Let me begin by saying that I have not fully finished My Favorite Things is Monsters yet so I won’t be reviewing it just yet. I will say that it is phenomenally drawn and written. You want to keep reading but sometimes the drawings insist that you stop and admire them. I’ve stayed up late a few nights reading it and I’m still only a little over half way through. From all accounts this is just the first book as well so I hope they get the second volume out quick!

Star Wars issue 41 is a continuing storyline that, if I was hard pressed, I would have a hard time remembering and I just read the book yesterday.... I buy most of the Star Wars books and I really can’t say why other than I’m a huge Star Wars fan. The artwork is nice and it’s always fun seeing the original trilogy characters in action but the stories aren’t that exciting. I get the feeling that the powers that be (ether Disney or Marvel) don’t want to change or expand the characters much so they make the writers stick to bland adventures that will in no way change or expand the existing universe. Luke is always an unsteady Jedi wanna-be, whining and worrying, Han is the cavalier scoundrel who is quick with the schoolboy taunts of Leia to where one wonders why he doesn’t just pull her pigtails and get it over with, and Leia is the know-it-all badass who has to keep these two “assets” to the rebellion alive and on track. Chewbacca stands by idly and wonders what about his place in the universe...the Star Wars Universe....

 Buy if you love Star Wars and want to grumble about it, Pass if you do not.

 Batman White Knight Issue 4 (of 8) I’m enjoying this so far despite not being a big Batman fan. I am of the opinion that Batman is a jack booted thug with anger management issues wasting a fortune on playing cops and robbers while Gotham is filled with poor and desperate people. This book is playing up on that view of Batman. Even though I find Batman to be a poorly conceived character I do admit that he inspires some great stories. I know because I buy a lot of them despite not being overly fond of the character. If you haven’t checked this one out it is a doozy. Written by Sean Murphy (Wake, Tokyo Ghost, Punk Rock Jesus) is a great writer (and artist) and I’ve enjoyed his work in the past and that’s primarily why I gave this a shot (and he doesn’t disappoint). The main thrust of the series is that the Joker (or Jack Napier) has turned a new leaf and has become a “good guy”….or has he? He seems to be doing a lot of things right and is championing the poor and oppressed in Gotham. Batman of course doesn’t trust him, Commissioner Gordon doesn’t trust him either but is willing to listen, and Nightwing and Batgirl are somewhere in the middle. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  I always like comics that hold my interest and keep me in suspense from issue to issue. I am always asking myself, “What happened in the last issue of this comic?” If I can’t answer that question then I know it’s probably not a good storyline or, perhaps, it’s one of those independent comics that take four months or more between issues. Tangent rant: have you noticed that creators are bringing out their own titles with haphazard release schedules so that they can work on mainstream books (Marvel/DC)? It’s a little infuriating. I know it’s the nature of the beast but it’s hard to wait so long between books.

 Buy! This is a good book despite the fact that it’s a Batman book :)

 Scales and Scoundrels Issue 5 I’m digging this comic, it’s like a Dungeons and Dragons adventure….literally. The main characters travel to a dungeon in search of treasure and there are dragons involved. The action even seems as though it is being created through a D&D campaign. DM, “You are in a boat on a mysterious sea and you are attacked by five boats of amphibious creatures with stone weapons, one appears to be a wizard. What do you do?” If this is how it’s being created I’m not mad at anyone for it. I like the storyline and the art is okay. The art is loose, cartoony, and very familiar as I’m seeing a lot of artists using this style as of late. If you have seen any art by Hamish Steele this is very similar. I’m not sure what the influence for this art is but it has become prevalent as of late. It would not be out of place on Cartoon Network or Cartoon Hangover. I know the critique to that kind of comment is always, “Well, can you do better?” Well, no, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have an opinion. I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s perfectly passable and suits the book  well, all I’m saying is that it’s cartoony and sparse. The characters and their development are top notch so far though and it’s only issue 5 so who knows where it will go from here.

Buy! You may want to wait for the TPB at this point but it’s definitely a good read.

 X-Men Grand Design Issue 2 Ed Piskor is my homeboy. He may not know it but he is. I’ve been hyping this guy since I read Wizzywig back in the day. Lately, Ed has been chronicling the life and times of hip hop culture in his book Hip Hop Family Tree which is phenomenal. It’s about people and history and culture just as much as it’s about music so it’s enjoyable on many levels even if you don’t like hip hop. And that’s kind of what’s missing in X-Men Grand Design. Ed is a lifelong X-Men fanatic and has spoken about his passion for the franchise many times and his passion shows in these comics but , through no fault of his own, their story is not as interesting as the story of hip hop. I do admire the book for Ed’s unique and eye catching style. You can always spot an Ed Piskor book! I love that it’s loose and fun and that Ed still does everything on paper including his inking and lettering. His books have the feel of an underground/DIY comic but made by a professional. They’re old school and modern at the same time. Part of the problem may be that I’m not as big of a fan of the X-Men as Ed but partially to blame is the fact that the X-Men have a convoluted, and oftentimes eye rolling, history filled with coincidences, bad plotting, dues ex machina moments, and overwrought soap opera emotions (as a lot of comics with such a long history do to be fair). This is only the second book of course and he is nowhere near the groundbreaking Chris Claremont/David Byrne run yet so we have that to look forward to. The other problem is that Ed is having to untangle the history to tell it chronologically. Things that lazy writers threw in to correct an issue that happened many issues or even years before have to be put into the correct place in the timeline and that can make these stories even more confusing. I will keep buying these if only to look at Ed’s art but I’m anxious to get to a better era of the franchise soon. These early stories are somewhat hokey.

 Buy if you’re a fan of Ed Piskor or the X-Men Pass if your meh about either.

Star Wars Forces of Destiny (Leia) One-Shot This book was released by Disney so you can be sure that it is aimed at a younger demographic. They call it an “All-Ages Adventure” and the advert at the back of the book has a schedule for four more books, one for each week in January 2018. Next week will be Rey, then Hera (Who? Sorry, I haven’t watched Rebels yet), Ashoka & Padme, and then Rose & Page. All of these books are either written by or drawn by (or both) female artists and writers which is really cool.  I’m looking forward to the Rose & Paige book because, and I get the feeling that I’m alone for the most part here, I liked their story in the Last Jedi. This issue deals with Leia and is co-written and drawn by Elsa Charretier (co-writer Pierrick Colinet) who I am unfamiliar with but does an excellent job here. Her drawing style reminds me of Bruce Timm or Darwyn Cooke which is a high compliment coming from me because I am a big fan of both of those artists. As with those guys, Elsa has a style influenced by animation and it shows in the flow of her panels and her fluid action scenes. The story is set on Hoth and she makes Hoth look way more beautiful that it has any right to be. The character designs are loose but perfect and I could totally see this style being used in a Batman Adventures style Star Wars cartoon. The story takes place right before the Battle of Hoth (opening scene of Empire Strikes Back) and Leia leads Han and Hera (No idea) on a mission to find a part for the energy shield. It’s a simple premise but Leia has more character development here than in some of the comics Marvel has released. She knows she’s supposed to be in command and that people are looking to her for answers which puts considerable stress on her knowing that she has to make the right decisions and quick or she is going to lose people and maybe even the war. I liked this comic a lot. I especially liked the art and will seek out other books by Elsa Charretier. Yes, the story is simple and it doesn’t have any big surprises or cover a lot of new territory but it is meant for a younger audience and it is still a good story.

 Buy! Yeah, I’m saying buy this even if you skip the new Star Wars comic get this one. This one is at least fun to read.

 Rat Queens Issue 7 Have you ever had a book, or TV show, or movie that you absolutely loved and then, as it progressed, it lost it’s luster? Rat Queens has become that for me. I loved the early books filled with fantasy adventure, girl power and laughs but, after original artist Rob Upchurch left under a cloud of domestic abuse charges the book lost steam and has not recovered. This is not to say that the art has not been good because it has been spectacular since he left. Tess Fowler was a great replacement who they inexplicably replaced with Owen Gieni when the book was rebooted. I do like Gieni’s art but it made no sense to replace Fowler. Not only did she turn in great art month after month but she brought a female perspective to the art and the book. I imagine she would not have drawn the horrible creature that appears in this issue as Gieni did. It looks like a monster cut from the Spread comic. It has one foot and the big toe on that foot is a penis. Cleaver… mature…. aesthetically pleasing…..I wonder what female fans  thought of that? I don’t know, I just don’t think the comic is fun anymore. They seem to be going from one characters storyline to another  with no real development or insight added to them.  I hate to say this but, for me, the book has jumped the shark and will probably be leaving my pull list.

 Pass! I hope it gets better but I somehow doubt that it will. I have not enjoyed this book since before the reboot.

 Paper Girls Issue 19 I’ll preface this by saying that I really like Brian K. Vaughan’s writing. I loved Y: The Last Man, Ex Machina, Saga, Runaways, etc. For me, this has been the hardest book of his for me to like. I do like it but it took a while for me to get into it and I have no idea why. It may be that the writing is trying to be a little too clever but I don’t know if that’s it. The constant references to the eighties meant to remind us the girls are from the eighties can cause some eye rolling and the obligatory issue where every girl meets their future counterpart give this a Back to the Future vibe. But I like Back to the Future so why am I not as enchanted by this? It may be that I get frustrated when I don’t know what’s going on. This is probably why the book has grown on me as more is revealed. This is the kind of book that I like to read in TPB form as I can read a bunch of them at once and not get left hanging. The writing and the art are great on the book, Cliff Chiang draws beautifully, but it may take you a while to warm up to the book and characters. I say buy the early TPB’s and read them straight through and you’ll be ready to go once you reach this issue.

 Buy if you have all of the other issues, if not then buy the TPB’s first.

 Rock Candy Mountain Issue 7 (of 8) Oh I do love me some Kyle Starks! If you are not yet on the Kyle Starks bandwagon you better hop on now! This guy makes comics that are a non-stop action movie thrill ride that will knock you flat on your butt! I own just about everything he’s made. The Legend of Ricky Thunder, Sexcastle, Kill Them All, and now I’m eating up Rock Candy Mountain. This book is his longest yet and has a lot of things going for it that his previous books did not like spectacular color by Chris Scheizer (Who is himself a tremendous talent writing and drawing the excellent Crogan Adventures series). The other thing that this book has going for it is hoboes and lord knows I love hoboes. I have a keen interest in alternative cultures like hoboes, or beatniks, or Justin Bieber fans; what makes them tick, how did this group form, and why would anyone listen to that god awful music? I also grew up next to a railroad track and love trains and have jumped a few myself (only to drop off a few blocks later so I wouldn’t miss supper). I can understand the feeling of wanting to jump on a train and ride away from your troubles for a while. Ah wanderlust…. So add Kyle Stark to hobo culture and I’m buying that book, no questions asked. Thankfully, my faith in Kyle and hoboes was not ungrounded because this book is awesome. I don’t want to give too much away but this is an epic adventure with plenty of action scenes and great characters. I highly recommend this book. Kyle is another of those artists like Ed Piskor where you immediately recognize his style and there is no one else out there who does it quite the same way. I love his style but opinions may vary. The TPB of the first four issues is out and would be a good start if you’re interested.

 Buy! Buy! Buy! Get the TPB if you’re just starting out.

 Walking Dead Issue 175 Wow, 175 issues and I’ve read them all. Remember when I was talking earlier about loving something and then it gradually fades into apathy? The Walking Dead has become that for me, especially the television show. I would love to take this space talking about how much I hate the show now and how dumb the characters are but this isn’t about the show so I’m going to stick to the book (BTW I hated the All Out War storyline [and Neagan] in the book because it was meandering and poorly plotted and the show is the same way). Anyway, the book has had it’s good moments and it’s great moments, it’s bad moments and it’s excruciatingly bad moments and I think this storyline may fall into the former if it’s done right. Other than the annoying weirdo the group picked up I like where this is going. I have always wondered about other societies out in the world and the one the group has run into is especially intriguing. I’m not going to go into the plot, it’s the Walking Dead, so you know, zombies and stuff. If you have been reading The Walking Dead all along I think you may agree that this storyline is interesting. It may spell the end for the book eventually who knows? I do hope this turns out to be a good one as there hasn’t been a great arc in a while.

 Buy if you’re caught up to this issue or buy the large omnibus books to catch up if you’re not. If you watch the show you may still enjoy this but you’re going to be wondering why Eugene is with the group.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I bored you!