#this is probably an autism thing but it makes me feel Nuts

[ardentpoop]

I don’t think im cut out to be a Real Author for several (self-deprecating) reasons, but chief among them is that I WOULD be the type to have a nervous breakdown looking at my goodreads reviews every 2 seconds. which would probably make me fucking insufferable to be around

[carowleysposts]

Good Omens makes me feel scary things. Let’s talk about it.

So, before I start, I think it’s important to clarify that I am neurodivergent. I have autism and GO is one of my strongest hyper-fixations ever. I am so emotionally and mentally invested in it I could talk about it for days on end and every single detail of this show makes me love it more.

But there’s a really really dark flip side to this love, and I would love to see if there’s anyone else who struggles with it too:

I think I care a little too much.

Although I am aware that this is somewhat “common” for people in the spectrum and my doctors all have confirmed I am not a complete nut case for it, I almost never feel comfortable admitting to those in my life that a piece of fiction has such a strong hold on me and my mental health. And as much as I love everything we’ve seen so far, all the little things I hear and read about season three give me heart-stopping waves of anxiety that are definitely not normal.

Like, I am constantly scared of what will happen, as if it was happening to me. And I know it’s embarrassing, but my brain is simply wired differently, and it feels so awful not being able to talk about it with my friends in real life.

Sometimes I feel like my day is ruined because I read someone say that they think S3 won’t have a happy ending, or that they probably won’t kiss or end up together or something bad like that. And even though I know it’s just fiction, it gives me stomach knots, as it is such a powerful part of my life and I think about is so much.

I have even come as far as to take breaks from Tumblr and mute some words on some social media platforms so that I won’t read Neil’s responses to questions - because they ALSO make me fear terribly and give me crippling anxiety, like when he said it won’t be romantic, or when he says stuff that make me worry for the future - and won’t hear speculation or even be reminded of other stuff people say.

And before anyone asks: Yes! I am fully aware it sounds absurd. And yes, i absolutely do feel crazy and embarrassed about it, but unfortunately this is the reality of many people in the spectrum and many neurodivergent people in general.

I do work, I am a ballet teacher and an author, so of course I have many other things to worry about and do and of course I have a life full of responsibilities and relationships and different pursuits to keep me from actually thinking about it nonstop. But still, even though I am busy and distracted most of the time, every now and then these feelings and worries come and punch me in the gut, and it completely paralyzes me for long moments. I feel kinda sick? I don’t know.

So I guess what I am trying to ask is: do you guys know of anyone who feels the same? Like, is there anyone else who feels like their mind has been absolutely taken over by fiction-related anxiety? And also: what should I do about it? I feel like absolutely no other piece of fiction compares to this one, and my mind simply won’t stop.

Help pls.

[livelaughlovesubs]

Lost-nut enlightenment sjdbbdhdhd I'm fuckin wheezing but you're so real for that

If hoyo didn't want me to Dom him then too bad, any male character can be Dommed if you're not a coward.

Deadass when I saw his leaks and saw the headphones I was like "oh, he's probably partially deaf and those are in-game's equivalent of hearing aids, that's pretty neat. He seems like he's either going to be overly friendly or I'm going to want to punch him type of personality"

And damn hoyo tried to portray him as this cool lone wolf scholarly guy who wants to understand everything about Teyvat that's aloof and blunt and a majority of the fandom looked at him (me included), especially after he mentioned that his headphones have noise cancelation, plus the stories about him going the Akademiya as a little kid and went "autism/neuro divergent havin ass 🫵😶" and they're so right for that. Literally nothing about him is neuro typical and I think it's neat.

He's such a dork, bro thinks he can hurt my feelings by being blunt he's not ready for me to take one good and psychoanalyze him. This is how we flirt, others are horrified but this man is literally the horny grip meme because I just know he'd be turned on by you doing something that shows off how smart you are.

I just remembered that his headphones can record lectures.

Nini, imagine recording JoI for him on a separate headphone set, general dirty talk, etc for when you gotta be away because you just know he'd be too stubborn to openly admit that he misses the sound of your voice.

He's so pathetic bless we really eating good

I'm trying not to spam your inbox with the rambling of madman but I'm just so happy to have fellow Doms to gush about subby men with since it's hard to find each other

-🐇

Nah it’s alright, I don’t mind. Also I noticed that was a typo- I wanted to write post-but enlightenment Ahahhahah

But the thing with the headphones? 10/10 would write. I’ll do it once my kinktober stuff are done. Imagine recording his own noises during smexy time without him knowing, and making some alternations to his headphones so that we can change whatever he’s listening to something else.

Then just jumpscare him with his own lewd moans and whimpers. At first he’d be so confused, like who’s this weird ass dude with the high pitched voice of a girl? Is it even a guy? Until he hears your voice, and the words you uttered were so familiar.

As soon as he notices that these sounds were in fact, he himself, god the embarrassment and lust swelling inside him would be 📈📈

I think he’d blush and smirk to himself, scaring basically any poor souls who had the unfortunate fate of witnessing such a scene.

[a-secret-inner-life]

I came across a lot of stuff that I could relate to about autism while researching for a paper, which led me to do more research on autism in general. I saw some other people doing this type of post on here, so: autistic people, can you please read my super long and detailed list of possible symptoms I experience and tell me if it seems like I'm one of you? I'm trying to be objective and reasonable and figure out what's going on with myself here.

Sensory Stuff

I like to stim–bouncing my legs, tapping my feet when I sit, occasionally swinging my legs or rocking. I also clench my fists or sit on my hands a lot and tap my fingers on things, or just fiddle with whatever is in front of me. Recently, I count while touching my thumb to each of my fingertips to calm down because someone in a book I read did that and it actually does help me. I also sing the alphabet song repeatedly when I'm working on my website.

Sometimes when I'm very tired or overwhelmed my face feels itchy and I feel like every strand of hair touching me prickles and itches and leaves a red spot (but it doesn't actually).

I have a strong hatred for perfume because it smells too strong and fakey, and citrus scents also drive me nuts, but I really like scented candles.

I'm a super picky eater, although I'm not as bad as when I was a kid. I don't mind the taste of tomatoes, peppers, or onions in things, but I'm still a little grossed out when I know I'm eating them, and the texture of onions freaks me right out, as an example.

I get startled easily. Loud noises don't actually scare me, they just jolt me out of whatever thought space I was in before I heard them.

I also get overwhelmed whenever someone tries to talk to me in a loud car (whether it's loud with other people or just the engine), and I find it overwhelming and incredibly difficult to concentrate when more than one person is talking at once. Whenever I'm in a crowd, it just sounds like this vague roar that gets louder the more I think about it, which can sometimes be overwhelming. Still, I'm good at tuning some things out in select circumstances, like the TV when it's on.

Finally, if I pay attention at pretty much any time when there isn't a ton of other noise, I can hear ringing in my ears. This isn't usually upsetting, and I know it's fairly common for anyone to get tinnitus from time to time, but I'm not sure if most people experience it this much.

Social Stuff

I can not handle eye contact.

I'm also really, really, comically bad at social interactions. I almost never speak to someone I don't know well before they speak to me, and my go-to conversation method is to laugh/giggle and nod, I literally can not make actual conversation to save my life. Sometimes I think of things to say but it doesn't occur to me to say them, or I try to but I'm scared and can't find an opening, or I do say the thing and people don't react the way I want them to (usually it's either confusion or disinterest).

Old ladies are my favorite people because they're the least scary somehow. I also love kids, but I'm still awkward so I rarely interact and probably still freak them out.

I'm horrible at keeping contact and I wait until I know people are offline to reply to their messages because conversation is stressful and I need time to think when I text. Group chats are a nightmare, so I pretty much ghost everyone when I'm in one.

I'm super attached to my family, though. I make an effort to create a deep bond with each of my siblings, and I'm the clingiest person in the world when it comes to my older sister.

I value people very deeply, which might be why I find them so intimidating. I love them and I want them to be happy, and I put too much pressure on the situation.

I used to hate being alone, and I still feel guilty or sad whenever I spend too much time by myself, although I actually love to be by myself, a lot of my hobbies and favorite places are solitary, and I usually prefer figuring things out on my own rather than having somebody right there trying to figure it out with me.

I'm incredibly empathetic. It's not like I can automatically sense people's emotions, but I do make an effort to pay attention and understand what they're feeling and why they feel that way. My siblings come and rant to me a lot, and I can be a good diplomat and see both points of view when they argue. I also care, and I always want to make people feel better, though it obviously doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm too empathetic, or maybe too creative, and I stress out about what someone might be feeling when I don't know if it's an actual issue or not.

Patterns and Stuff

I've always been good at remembering my parents’ phone numbers and our zip code, as well as my friends’ birthdays. I work at a grocery store where I find myself reciting the regular customers’ lottery numbers in my head as they're saying them to me.

My dad used to have a verbal checklist of what to bring to work each morning, and I still recite it every time I hear the words “wallet” and “keys” next to each other. Same goes for my old morning checklist that I don't even follow anymore.

I don't adhere to a strict routine in terms of the general structure of my day, but I definitely have a system or pattern for a lot of my specific activities.

Emotional Stuff

I've been obsessed with drawing and painting for as long as I can remember. I write all the time. I think I dedicated myself and a huge chunk of my life to my hobbies. If I like something, I like to think that I make it my own, and that thing permeates who I am.

When I first started listening to BTS, I scoured literally the entire Internet to find every possible hidden track any of the members ever touched, and there were A LOT. Lately I've been obsessed with Keeper of the Lost Cities, and I can't stop talking about the books. I'm also hyper fixated on Tomorrow X Together.

When I start something, I need to finish it, and I'll often think I'm so close to being done only to continue on it for several more hours, trying to hurry up and finish because I need to get it done now. I'm also pretty bad at switching tasks. I try to multitask, but it doesn't really work out.

I can easily forget about my own physical needs; particularly I don't usually realize when I'm hungry. Overall my needs are very flexible to the people around me; if you want to eat together, suddenly I'm hungry, if you don't feel like stopping, neither do I.

I'm a perfectionist, but I hate asking for help. This is especially true when it comes to my grades and my hobbies. I'm more comfortable when I can control the variables and nobody has to know if I fail.

I'm pretty sure I have executive dysfunction because I put so much pressure on doing things perfectly that I lose the motivation to do them at all, and as much as I need to get something done, I can't make myself do it.

Since I was little I've always been awkward and out of place. I feel like I take up too much space. Honestly, I feel like my existence is lame and embarrassing. I hate myself.

I absolutely suck at decision making, sometimes because I don't want to choose something that other people won't like and partially because I'm just really indecisive. Often I feel stuck or paralyzed because I can't choose one way or another.

Along those same lines, the responsibility of being told to do something for someone else is terrible, and I hate doing these things without incredibly specific instructions because I'm scared of messing up.

I also need to know exact details of whatever activity I'm doing before I do it, and I hate when something big isn't planned out in detail.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns as a child. I’d yell and cry and throw things when I was upset. This still happens sometimes, but not as frequently or as badly.

I feel guilty about everything, including mistakes from years ago that shouldn't matter anymore. This makes me feel sort of unworthy (?), like anything good I do is the bare minimum and if I cause a problem (through anxiety or executive dysfunction) that messes up a project, I feel like I have to do everything else perfectly to make up for it, although I usually end up feeling like I'm coddling myself instead.

I constantly compare myself to others. If someone else has a problem that's worse than what I deal with, I feel like I'm not allowed to have my own negative feelings.

I feel like none of my feelings are valid. I feel and think all sorts of dramatic things that seem like the end of the world, but compared to others, my problems are small, and I feel stupid for having them. I almost wish I had a bigger issue or more dangerous mental problems that would make my responses more reasonable, but my logical side knows that this thinking is wrong.

I've been dealing with off and on burnout since I was around twelve years old (so about five years). I've been told over and over that my mindset is wrong and I need to do a million things better mentally to be less of a perfectionist, but I don't have the energy to put in any effort whatsoever to fix myself. I still get random bursts of motivation that last for short periods of time, though.

Sometimes when I go to bed after a stressful day, I wake up in the morning and I have this uncontrollable dread about starting my day. The thought of getting up sounds impossible, and it's almost like there's something sitting in my chest keeping me down.

[lunar-wandering]

anyways as i mentioned earlier here is my absolutely nuts 'analysis' of Boboiboy having autism, and how each of the seven elementals kinda showcase a heightened version of an autism symptom-

so we're gonna go down in order (of manifestation for the elements)-

Boboiboy himself- he's just got the vibe, y'know? But also; it's been established he had no friends prior to moving in with his grandfather, which, y'know, is quite strange for a "normal" kid his age. He also tends to look at the people around him to know how to react in certain social situations (usually the person he looks to is Gopal which. Isn't always the best choice). Also the strong sense of justice is obvious (including that he goes so far as to help villains as well). (Yes this can be an autism symptom).

Halilintar (Thunderstorm). hear me out. Halilintar manifested due to overstimulation. I mean obviously the phobia of balloons is a huge factor here- but being in distress due to loud sounds is exactly one of the things that causes overstimulation for autistic people (could contribute to why he has this fear in the first place). One of the ways people might react to overstimulation is by becoming irrationally angry. Basically what I'm saying is that Halilintar spends most of his time on the edge of a meltdown-

Taufan (Cyclone). autistic joy. listen LISTEN. it's DIFFERENT from other people's joy, okay? a lot of autistic people experience emotions very intensely, it can full out take over you. also as far as i remember (it's been a while) he was the only one who had such an intense reaction to the mood changing potion- sure, the other people who had it were locked in one emotion, but none of them went as wild as he did- because he felt it a lot more intensely.

Gempa (Earthquake). i will admit, i struggled for a moment with Gempa- but honestly i think it's because he is, in my opinion, the one who's the most similar to OG Boboiboy. other than the heightened need to protect, which likely includes the sense of justice, I think Gempa is the one who masks the most out of all the elements. This is also why he seems to be the most neutral element.

Blaze and Ice. I'm doing these two together, because technically, their origin points are from the same thing: Burnout. It's just two very different responses to it. On the one side, Blaze is trying to, ironically enough considering the name, prevent burnout, by relieving stress (by doing things in the middle of night while no-one is looking and there's no pressure of social interaction). When there is too much stress, he falls into an overstimulated state similar to Halilintar's. On the other side, Ice represents the more depressed side of burnout- aka what happens after you actually burn out. It's why he's tired all the time.

Duri (Thorn). Okay so technically Thorn first manifested in battle but we're ignoring that. His tier 1 manifestation, as we all know, was mainly most definitely because Boboiboy got a concussion- but! Here's the thing; I don't think the concussion is why Thorn acts the way he does (though it's probably a part of it). I think, Thorn is just unmasked. The others all mask on some level, but Thorn just, doesn't. He doesn't really care how others might perceive him if he does 'childish' things or says things that no-one else understands because they didn't make the same connections he did, and he certainly doesn't care that deadpan telling someone their outfit is terrible might hurt their feelings, it doesn't even occur to him. He doesn't mask at all.

Solar. Again, technically manifested during battle. However once again we are ignoring that. It was established that the manifest condition for Solar (as Light), was for the elemental master (Boboiboy) to "expand their knowledge", and "read more". And, well, I know Boboiboy specifically read a bunch of science and history books and stuff, but honestly I don't think it really would've mattered what he chose to use to expand his knowledge, because Solar's main autistic trait is special interest. Because Boboiboy mainly focused on science and stuff, that became Solar's special interest, hence why he rambles off about formulas and stuff, and why he likes doing experiments. He hyperfixates on that stuff.

now. i could do the fusions... but honestly i haven't thought about the fusions enough to draw conclusions, so we're sticking with this

[player1064]

And as for the prompt two: I would like to subscribe to your "Gary has autism"- newsletter. So something Carraville about Gary being autistic. Could be something like them actually needing to communicate with each other about relationship stuff, because Gary can't do vague and needs to have things spelled at him. Or maybe something more lighthearted, maybe Carra has googled "how to support your autistic partner" and is trying his best and Gary who has no idea he has autism is like "what's all this then?".

Or just go nuts and do what you feel like.

god I LOVE autistic gary so much. I mean I'm always Implying he's autistic in everything I write but it was fun to have a go at making it like,, the Focus...

also sorry guys that I dissappeared from doing prompts again!! Not forgotten them or lost inspiration I'm just. Slow. And I keep starting new WIPs instead...

---

Gary wakes to the feeling of chapped lips pressing against his temple, and he blinks his eyes open to smile up at Jamie and (more importantly) the cup of coffee he’s holding. He’s sat himself down on Gary’s side of the bed and waits patiently for Gary to shuffle upright so that he can pass him the mug, his free hand absently running up and down Gary’s thigh over the covers.

There are worse things to wake up to, Gary thinks generously, and he takes a careful sip of his coffee.

Jamie watches him intently for a few moments, his hand still resting on his leg. “Think I could get used t’ this,” he says softly, “you not runnin’ off to gym at the crack of dawn.”

I could get used to this too, Gary thinks. But he knows it’s not something he can get used to – the minute he lets one thing slip, the whole carefully balanced ecosystem that is his life will come tumbling down and before you know it he’ll be a stone or two heavier. Besides, then he’d have to admit that he likes being here in Liverpool, and that’s obviously never gonna happen.

It’s not Liverpool that he likes, anyway.

“Hmm, I dunno,” he says instead. “My chi’s probably gonna be all out for the rest of the day now.”

Jamie rolls his eyes at the mention of his chi, but he doesn’t try to argue it. Likely because he knows he won’t win, ‘cause Gary’s right.

When he sets his mug down on the bedside table Jamie immediately leans into his space, cupping his cheek with one of his warm dry hands and kissing him gently. This, too, Gary could get used to. He chases all thoughts of working out from his mind and instead focuses on returning the kiss, curling his hands in the fabric of Jamie’s t-shirt.

“’m not much for morning sex, me,” he murmurs when they come up for air.

“I know.” Jamie shifts his face slightly to press a kiss to the corner of Gary’s mouth, then one to his jaw. “This okay though? Or d’you want me to stop?”

“This is okay,” he confirms with a fraction of a nod. More than okay, really, but Jamie doesn’t need to hear that – his head’s big enough as it is.

*

They’re at the studio to film Stick to Football and Gary’s having one of those days where everything feels just slightly off. He’s not sure what it is, really – probably stress, most things in his life are caused by stress – but he’s always explained it away as ‘just a headache’, or ‘didn’t get enough sleep last night’.

Everything’s just a fraction too bright, a fraction too loud – the laughter of his friends feels grating, the equipment being shifted around while the crew packs up might as well be a dozen car crashes all clanging together.

He opens up his phone as soon as they’re done shooting, hoping that sends enough of a ‘don’t talk to me’ message that people will get the hint and leave him alone. Of course, this plan fails to account for Jamie being – well, being Jamie.

He walks up behind Gary and claps a friendly hand on his shoulder, asks in that loud voice of his “’m I comin’ back to yours?” in a way that makes Gary wince.

“Maybe not,” he says apologetically. “Got a lot of work to get through.”

“Have you fuck,” Jamie mutters.

This thing he’s got going on with Jamie is still new enough that he’s not really sure how he’s meant to act in public. Probably just the same as before, but he can’t remember what that was like. He thinks he should be meaner, then he panics that he’s hurting Carra’s feelings. If he’s nicer, he worries he’ll think he’s just being polite because they’re fucking now.

Jamie, obviously, has no such problem. He just does whatever he wants, whenever. For example: right now he’s watching Gary with this piercing sort of look, and Gary finds himself wanting to squirm under the intensity of his focus.

After assessing him for a few moments, Jamie’s tone turns gentle and he asks, “you sure you’re alright?” like he already knows the answer. “Just – thought you might be getting one of your headaches.”

Gary nods, rubs a hand at his temple to really drive the point home. “I can work through it though, it’s fine.”

Jamie looks at him for a long second, his face twitching a bit like he’s trying not to let his expression slip. “At least let me drive you home? Promise I won’t try talk your ear off on the way or anything.”

“Fine,” Gary agrees with a sigh. “Yeah, fine.”

*

“When was the last time you ate?” Jamie asks as he follows Gary through his front door.

Gary shoots him a Look. “Thought you were just dropping me off?”

Jamie ignores this and walks past him and through to the kitchen. “If I made you a sandwich would you eat it?”

He doesn’t really feel that hungry, but he’s also not got the energy to try argue with Jamie. “D’you know how to make a sandwich?”

“Mmm,” Jamie hums as he rummages through Gary’s fridge, which does not fill him with confidence.

“I’m gonna go sit in the living room.”

“Good idea,” Jamie says absently. He opens up a cupboard and grabs a glass out of it, goes to the tap to fill it up right to the brim. “Here, take this with you.”

Gary, too confused by Jamie’s inexplicable behaviour to remember to thank him, takes a careful sip of the water so that he doesn’t have to worry about spilling it on his walk to the sofa and he wanders out the room to the sounds of Jamie muttering to himself about butter knives and bread knives and whether there’s any real difference between them.

A few minutes go by – much too long for any functional person to make a sandwich – before Jamie walks into the living room looking pleased with himself. He hands a plate to Gary – and fair play to him, it looks like a perfectly acceptable sandwich – then hovers awkwardly in front of him.

“Alright if I sit with you?” he asks.

Gary nods, picking up the sandwich with his hands to get a proper look at it. Jamie plops himself down on the next cushion over as he takes his first bite. It’s just ham and cheese and a bit too much butter, but it’s edible. Gary’s stomach grumbles – maybe he’s hungrier than he’d thought.

He eats in silence and finishes off the rest of his water, then when he’s put the plate and glass down on the coffee table in front of him he turns to Jamie and raises an eyebrow. Now what?

Jamie shrugs, then lifts one arm up to rest on the back of the sofa. “You up for a cuddle?”

No, would be Gary’s immediate reaction, but Jamie’s being suspiciously nice to him so he thinks maybe he should try avoid snapping at him. And it might be nice, just for a minute or two. Jamie’s chest is always lovely and solid.

He shuffles over into Jamie’s space, lowers himself down to lean against him. He presses his cheek against the soft fabric of Jamie’s t-shirt, takes a long inhale to try adjust himself to his smell.

Jamie’s arm slips down across Gary’s shoulders, squeezing him with just a bit too much pressure which should be annoying but which just makes Gary feel secure in his place. His other hand comes up to rest on the small of his back and Gary feels his lips brush briefly against the top of his head.

“This okay?” he murmurs into Gary’s hair.

The headache, or not-headache or whatever it is, is already fading to the back of Gary’s mind. He nods against Jamie’s chest, then he lets his eyes flutter closed. Maybe a quick nap won’t do any harm.

[bitemegamer]

Log 01: A Note and Meeting Qiu and Tamarack (Long Post)

Something about this intro... It makes my heart ache in the best way possible. It's the start, the start to a new section of a new life. It is the Fall, the air is cooling down and I can feel it hitting my nose.

*Forgive me, I shall be using MC thoughts as that of my own and basing things off of how I would react, I shall be using first person writing

I decided, since my MC is 10 and I was a little bit of a nut at this time, I would have him believe that it was a ghost that poked him instead of him being rational about it.

He gets greeted with this paper, and... Honestly, how WOULD your little kid thoughts (esp that of someone who did believe in ghosts) think this meant?

*I blurred the last name for my own reasons, thank you very much*

I really, truly wished to be Nancy Drew or one of the Hardy Boys. I spend so much time watching mysteries with my mom. Probably way too much time.

Too bad I am going to break those rules, Mother! Muahahaha! I am a little troublemaker. Just kidding. However, it's okay. I have a way to bend the rules... Just a little bit ;)

*Proceeds to go to the woods, which to me feels like straying even further??? tbh, knowing myself as a kid, I would have done this without thinking too deeply*

Oh where shall I be going? On a cool quest! Off I go to the amazing and great unknown!

WHAT??? Man... :( I know for a fact I would have been so upset, yet a little relieved. Had I gone further into the forest, I might have freaked out just a little bit.

The ghost inhabits this building.

Also, random thought/feeling/vibe that I am feeling... This reminds me so much of when I was a little kid doing my own thing, just wandering about and feeling like the whole world was amazing and whimsical. As a kid, I would always go out of my way to have some sort of fun and adventure... Even if that meant getting lost or making something out of nothing.

A RACCOON!

If I end up dying, let it be known that I met the end of my life with the coolest animal ever.

I'm sure said kid feels very different about a total stranger being in their backyard climbing up their fort.

lol, he thinks I'm quirky...

I mean... You were the one who sent the note... Right? Right? Oh God, never mind--

Don't look at me like that *SOB SOB* I'm trembling over here as if I am some sort of scared little grey hound!

Nice to meet you as well, Qiu!

*Snorts*

OCD Autism meeting and seeing someone with ADHD for the first time be like (joking):

I decided to be a little more nicer to him and politely just point it out to him:

This honestly does beg the question for me... How often has Qiu lost something simply from people just not telling him that he dropped his pages.

That's it, Bud. You. Me. We're going to be in it together. You're never going to lose something like that again while I'm around you.

He'll listen to me, but he will have no idea what I am talking about. At least he tries.

Making art out of trash... I see.

Yeah... Maybe my joke about ADHD might not be as much of a joke as I thought it was.. Hm...

Oh... OH... She's so cute, she makes me wanna cry..

Tamarack really went: 'Wow, okay, *bye*.

Well... Since I have exceeded my image limit for this post, I do believe that I can have this a closing moment... As of now, my MC has met both of the wonderful romantic/friend interests and I think they're both so wonderful!

I know that I am currently playing the Demo at the moment, but goodness this is so cute. This reminds me so much of my days after school and spending time with my friends around this time period.

I can't wait to finish this intro out and write more about my silly little thoughts... Until then, I hope you guys have enjoyed my little comments. I love doing that when I play games.

[realbeijinger]

A semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and a criticism of TGCF (But also not really because I haven’t finished it yet and also I love MXTX…)

I’m in the middle of Book 3 of Tian Guan Ci Fu, and it is legit making me depressed. Like really, unnecessarily sad. I know I should probably wait until the end to write up my thoughts since I don’t know how things will ultimately turn out, but I feel like I need to process. And so, here we go…

First of all, I am sooo Xie Lian. I feel like this story gets me down so much because it hits too close to home. When I was little, I was super idealistic—I used to go around telling people that love was the most important thing in the world, and that civilization was wrong, because we were destroying the environment, and so we should all go back to living in harmony with nature. I was like a crazy, radical five year old, but also somehow mature-sounding and nauseatingly sweet. Grownups loved me and assumed I would grow up to do something big. But… I haven’t really. Instead I am just a normal person and realized that the world is actually super complicated—like I said, sooo Xie Lian. Except I never became a god or saved even one person…    

Anyways, it’s not like I disagree with MXTX’s criticism of blind idealism. She hit the nail on the head—crushingly well. But I guess, like Xie Lian, I am still clinging to that last bit of hope I haven’t let go of yet.

In TGCF and Mo Dao Zu Shi, things are never black and white, and she criticizes those characters who act with a blind sense of righteousness. She believes in nuance. And yet, in our current moment, we are headed toward a climate catastrophe, and it feels like we are all just sitting back, trying to carefully weigh the ideal course of action—the pros and cons, scared of being too rash, too impulsive—while the world burns.

When I first started watching the Untamed (which is where my MXTX journey started), I was initially drawn in by this extremely beautiful man who was willing to sacrifice so much to do what was right. I loved how he refused to compromise with this screwed up society. Because, I am so frustrated with myself for always compromising. For being part of this system that’s horrible and destroying the world and personally doing very little to stop it. And I wanted to be inspired—and for a minute I was by Wei Wuxian.  

And then, of course, it turns out that the real message was the complete opposite of that, and having dogmatic, uncompromising morals is not something to be applauded. In the eyes of MXTX, it’s very dangerous.

And I mean, she’s not wrong. But I can’t help but think maybe we still need heroes like that. I really admire Greta Thunberg who refuses to fly in planes, buy anything new, doesn’t eat meat. Before anyone joined her protests, she was ditching school every day, literally sitting all by herself in front of Swedish parliament with one pathetic-looking sign. I mean that kind of commitment takes HUGE resolve. It has to come from a total sense of self-righteousness, from a complete unwillingness to compromise or back down—a refusal to listen to her parents, or her teachers, or the large numbers of people around her who were definitely telling her she was nuts. I mean, I try to go veg, and my mother-in-law hands me one homemade meat dish and I instantly fold…

In interviews, Greta often talks about how being on the autism spectrum causes her to view the world in very black and white terms—with good and evil being clearly defined. She often refers to the older generation as “evil” for their role in the climate crisis—a word MXTX would probably not approve of. Normally, I don’t think black and white thinking is good. I also believe in nuance. But when it comes to something like climate, it’s incredibly complicated but also incredibly simple. We have to stop burning fossil fuels. We have to do it now. If we want humanity to survive, we don’t have a choice. We gotta pull out all the stops. We can’t hesitate. And if we do, we’ll lose everything. Any drawbacks that may come from us not using fossil fuels are completely outweighed if the climate goes to shit. There’s no real nuance in that. And to get people to make that sort of change, you need passion. You need motivation. You need feeling. Basically, you need blind idealism. We are soooo screwed, and really, blind idealism is all we have left.     

And I want to have that. Part of me wants to get back to that idealism I lost. But like Xie Lian, I don’t know how…

I dunno. There are always reasons not to do anything. Most of us know life is complicated—our limitations are usually way too obvious. But, I think, sometimes we still should take the single log bridge into darkness. And maybe we need some dumb, cliché hero story to give us the motivation to do it…

Of course, saving the world is not easy. Especially when it comes to large scale national or international politics, the situation in Xianle demonstrates very clearly how easy it is to create unintended consequences. Everything is so complex. There are so many factors, so many competing interests to consider. I do not envy political leaders.

But most of us are not political leaders. Most of us are just ordinary people who want to make the world a little better. We have the capacity to be activists, but that’s it. We don’t have the power to make detailed policy decisions anyway. And so, to some extent, I don’t think we need to worry so much about all that. We just have to push politicians in the right direction.

Even at that high leadership level, though, I do think it’s possible to make better choices—ones that create less harm. And I do think we have an obligation to try and find those. I don’t agree with what the State Preceptor said (and what I think MXTX actually believes), that “Assigning fault is meaningless.” To me, that’s akin to giving up on morality altogether.

A lot of this is a matter of perspective. Yes, if you zoom out far enough, assigning fault is meaningless. But then, if you zoom out far enough, everything is meaningless. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. Our battles for justice, for equality, for the people we love, will all be entirely pointless once our current society goes the way of the Aztecs, once humanity disappears, once the earth gets swallowed by the sun.

Again, if we zoom far enough out, climate change is not really a problem. According to that wise state preceptor, “In this world, fortune—good or bad—is predetermined.” MXTX believes there is only so much good fortune in the world. If we somehow manage to take too much of it, we will eventually pay the price. Balance will be restored.  

Which is exactly what is happening in this era of climate catastrophe. In the past 200 years since the industrial revolution, humanity has taken a lot of fortune. For the first time in history, we don’t worry every day about finding food. We’ve conquered a whole host of deadly diseases, have greatly reduced our need for manual labor, and can spend our days in mental pursuits, making art, or writing self-indulgent essays about Chinese web novels.

All of this, I would argue, is not really because of human ingenuity, but because we happened to find an incredibly powerful energy source—fossil fuels—which have given us the illusion of “human progress.” Let’s remember that this “progress” has only lasted for about 200 years, a small dot on the graph of human existence (300,000 years), and that for most of that time, people viewed history as a cycle, with inevitable ups and downs, rather than a continuous march upward.

In other words, in the past 200 years, we’ve taken too much fortune. But nature will correct the balance. I don’t think climate change will destroy life on earth. Even if the worst happens and humanity bites the dust, other species will most likely persist, evolving into creatures completely new—a rebirth, of sorts. Looking at it from that far-off, disinterested perspective, it’s not really a problem. It’s just what nature does. New species follow each other, one after the next—like passing seasons.

But, even if all this is true, I don’t think we can be so detached. I don’t think we can live our lives believing that morality is pointless, not trying to do the right thing, or not worrying about how our actions affect others. If we approach life with such indifference, what’s to stop us from completely giving up?

One of my favorite TV shows is this old drama called Dead Like Me, where a wise, older character (a state preceptor, of sorts), says to the main character, “If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail.” In other words, when it comes to life, you need to stand the right distance away. Personally, I think MXTX is standing too far back. It’s true, there is so much we can’t control. Though we may be able to make things better for a bit, we cannot alter the basic cycle of life. Life is suffering. It was true when Buddha said it, and it’s true now. And if we try to “attempt the impossible,” as the Jiang motto says, and radically change that dynamic, we will fail.

But unlike in MXTX’s universe, fate doesn’t really screw us at every turn. Every day there are small victories. I used to do social work, which really was an exercise in the futility of trying to fix deeply rooted problems with insufficient tools, but I still remember those few times when I did do something right: the old man with dementia I got to take his meds, the guy who found his family on Facebook.

Even just writing a stupid email to Biden telling him to stop the drilling… we have to value those actions. We have to be invested. Sure, the universe doesn’t care. But I think we should still care. We can’t just throw up our hands and say the world is fucked. Because if everyone did that, the world really would be fucked. Even more so than it already is.  

Again, I realize I don’t entirely know where she’s going with all this. It’s very possible there’s going to be more to it than just criticizing idealism. Despite all the depressing stuff, I see crumbs of hope in how Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian, and values his attempts to help others. The line, “Although foolish, it is brave,” just floored me. I loved it so much. Honestly, I’d probably be happy if she leaves open any hope for idealism at all.   

But also, I have to prepare myself for the possibility that I will not totally agree with what she has to say. Which should be fine. I mean, in real life, I’m pretty good at interacting with people I fundamentally disagree with. But… in the hands of an author like MXTX, I feel like my emotions are like putty. I’m completely at her mercy. And partially, I don’t want to fight that. I want to give myself to the story, and lose myself in it completely. That’s a great feeling, but also, kind of… vulnerable? And then, when so emotionally invested, to suddenly realize that what the author’s saying bothers me…

Of course, I’ll get over it. I always do. Usually I write meta or fanfic as a way to process—to get out of someone else’s story, out of their head, and back into my own.

Anyways, we’ll see. Don’t tell me what happens!! I am trusting YOU, strangers on the internet!

If that’s not blind idealism, I don’t know what is…

[lemonade-luvr]

I MEAN THATS AS FAR AS I KNOW. to be fair all i’ve heard abt it is You fucking hallucinate shit .thats literally it .

where the fuck did i get the idea you were having hallucinations then......... hmmm. however, i also dont get many hallucinations! at least not visual ones. im much more privy to tactile and auditory stuff!

im gonna infodump. autistic style. and if i accidentally desstroy your worldview, im so sorry. you have been warned.

IT GOT REALLY LONG SORRY FUCKKKKKKKK

schizophrenia is actually very similar to an autism diagnosis! at least from an outside perspective. it comes with flat tone and struggles with facial expressions and all that jazz! it can also make it really hard to think and leads to a very scattered mind??? idk how to describe it . because of the . well we call it brain scramble! i think its called something like word salad though.

the main defining thing about schizophrenia is the presence of psychosis, which is further defined by hallucinations, delusions and paranoia o^_^o

hallucinations CAN include seeing stuff that isnt there, though thats a really simple understanding of visual hallucinations. the visual hallucinations i tend to get are stuff in the corner of my eye and the walls kinda.. Shifting. nothing immediately distressing. but i know there are people with way more scarier things going on.

auditory hallucinations are something i experience a lot more, and theyre just.. hearin stuff that wasnt ever there. my brain loves the discord notification sound and like. splatoon sound effects. sometimes i hear someone yell the body's name!

there are also tactile hallucinations which is feeling a sensation that wasnt real. we get these ones the most. a good example isssss well rn im getting The Bugs. like buddy theres no bugs here you are feeling hair probably and yet even then i still feel it eugh eugh eugh. our headmates can make use of our tactile hallucinations to give me pats on the head though, which is nice o^_^o

delusions are simply believing something that isnt true wholeheartedly. i dont reallly like to share mine because im scared of people playing into them or thinking theyre cringe BUT i will share that we have fully believed ourselves to be in future london before. which is really fucking funny you are allowed to think this is funny. we are in the wrong country for that buddy. you can be fully aware that somethiing isnt true and still believe it! its fucked up! they should make that illegal. these are the mind killer i hate these little bastardsssssss... delusions are very versatile. its also like thinking mundane things are signs.... theres a lot to say on delusions.

paranoia is the one thats really easy to comprehend its just intense and unfounded anxiety. me when i overthink everything to death. me when everyone on the bus knows im gay.

also it makes it really hard to Word Shit. sometimes i cannot comprehend the english language despite it being the only one i fucking know. On that Topic. Sorry if this is Incomprehensible. i actually genuinely Cannot Tell. its usually fine but sometimes i just feel like i cant get ANYTHING across correctly.

impaired motor coordination is also a thing? which makes it hard for me to type sometimes and also do things like, idk, drink my monster energy without spilling it and pissing off charles. sorry charles. damn. UH theres also a lot of repetitive behaviours, and catatonia. it can come with memory issues and FATIGUE BIIIIITCH and BUDDY am i FEELING the fatigue today. AUGH AUGH AUGH.

oki think thats all i have to say on the matter unless u have questions

i feel so fucking nuts right now i dont know if its the rush of i just got to infodump or if im manic :sosonormal: <you are manic <thanks babygirl in my head. god i hope this is comprehensible

ONE TWENTY ONE GUNS 💥

[tarohonii]

fondly remembering my old russian algebra teacher by reading the quote book our class made for him (changing names for sake of privacy.)

“Now people are going to go around saying, Mr. Volkova is soft! He cares about feelings and stuff.”

“Calculus 1 is a big smack in the face of conceptual knowledge”

“You can eat the popcorn, or you can have our favorite snack in Russia...nothing!”

“My face is not just something for you to draw for your amusement.”

“I’m Russian. I’m friends with everybody. Russians have a proud history of amiability.”

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Like, I’ve probably made more mistakes than not mistakes.”

“When you learned you had a Russian teacher, you were like, that guy never moisturizes.”

“The animals appreciate your commitment to their health and well being.”

“Your ears are just little mini parabolas."

“I'm a liar. I will lie to you on every chance I get.”

“Just remember, if I screw up, just hold it against me for the next eight weeks.”

“I will peer pressure both of you into a new seating arrangement.”

“How do you know my autism is not caused by my vaccination?”

“I’m not just going to, like, shove nuts in my mouth. I know how to, like, eat like a human.”

“My reaction to a sneeze is…yes… I can’t look cool all the time.”

“Me show you picture. Picture make it easier to understand.”

“I will take what you have said and use it as an opportunity to confuse you."

“Bread has a certain level of rat bone in it.”

“I can wear a bathrobe to school and say it’s technically a coat.

“The current thing on my mind is bomb disposal dolphins.”

“Ally, if I can’t get the projector screen to stick, I’m writing you an office referral.”

“I could use shoes to run away from dangerous situations.”

“Very cruel and inhumane hot lunch.”*

“They act like it isn’t what it be, but it do.”

“I am in a good mood, I just get really annoyed.”

“I like your bullying skills”

“When Mr. Volkova was a youth much your age, he was a great fan of diving into water.”

“I stepped on something, so I had to stop my teaching for threat assessment. In case my foot got stabbed.”

“I’ll put myself on the little spinny thing loading sign.” (starts turning in circles)

“Stop making valid points”

“They told us “don’t burn the Magnesium.” So we burned the Magnesium.”

“If you scream, I will get annoyed. If I get annoyed, you get a consequence.”

“If I write a book about the story of my life, it will be called “Unstapled’"

“Whoever’s throwing that piece of paper, stop it before I write Ally an office referral.”

"This is a warm summer's day in Russia" (it is 28 degrees and snowing)

“Oh, did you vandalize the desk? Awesome. I had a teacher write an office referral for ‘vandalizing a desk with an eraser.’”

“If you imagine your life as a sitcom, which I sometimes do…”

“If you do not calm down you will have to do a 15 minute session on mindfulness”

“Mr. Volkova will not do things if they’re more than three steps.”

“I chose to work with you. What does that say about my intelligence?”

[talks-with-the-void]

uuurrrrgh I hate this feeling of "what if I am faking being autistic??? I for sure am nOt AUtiSTiC EnoUgH"

So. In an attempt to cope with this, I'm gonna write shit down

reasons why I think I am "not autistic enough":

I can use irony and sarcasm and it's a 50/50 chance if I understand it when other people use it

I am very low to no support needs, because I am extremely skilled at masking and "just pushing through struggles"

I don't have violent and/or screaming meltdowns

now: reasons why I am FUCKING OBVIOUSLY autistic and not secretly faking:

I mask all the damn time. if I didn't mask, I'd constantly stim, make weird noises, etc in public

There is exactly one person I feel comfortable being myself around, which is my boyfriend who is probably autistic too. I am like 98% sure he is. we communicate through meowing mote often than I'd like to admit lmao

I stim. all. the. time. In public I try to be subtle but it's still there. I do the feet rubbing against each other, vocal stims, biting my lips, pulling my hair (gently, not actually pulling it out), cracking knuckles, rubbing fingers against each other, etc etc etc

special interests. I mean they get blurry with hyperfixations sometimes, but my obsession with Warrior Cats, The Big Bang Theory, horses and Pokémon is on a different level. I always was like this, after I watched LotR for the first time, it became my whole personality for five fucking years. I watched the movies over 20 times each and the Hobbit around 10-15 times. same with BBC Sherlock and Supernatural (the later is still ongoing, the others have faded over time).

I love love LOVE repeating things. it's most noticable with what I watch, I'm currently on my 30th or something run of TBBT. same with routine, although that's less noticable, cause I don't have a set daily routine - but in my head, I always plan like a week ahead and I fucking hate sudden changes in my plans. and by "sudden" I mean four days or less of mental preperation time.

ugh eye contact. I just. can't. social situations in general, I feel so fucking uncomfortable unless it's with people I 100% trust (or if my boyfriend is with me, then I feel safe too)

I could eat the same 10 foods allllll the time. I do like trying new things because cooking is fun but it needs to be under my control and I need to plan it out in my head. and I simply won't ever get tired of chicken nuggets, pasta and pizza.

sensory issues UGH- light too bright, sounds too loud, texture to ewww - you name it. high-pitched beeping noises make me go nuts, they fucking hurt my brain, they're the worst but there are other bad ones.

I have ADHD and had severe depression and anxiety in my teenage years and also was bullied, which isn't criteria but indicators, so...

I have pretty damn high scores on any autism test I take. every single one, even when I downplay my symptoms.

this is all I can think of for now, I might add on in the future

[rainbowspinch]

Things my partner and I have said about CTC characters, an ongoing draft

“Bill Danton is baby girl”

“Norman would love Disney Princesses”

“Jacob probably does many forms of art that most wouldn’t associate with him. Like he could design a house really well but people would go ‘that’s not a Jacob thing’”

“Jacob does sculpting. His housewarming gift to Norman when he moved next door was a middle finger statue.”

“When Norman went into his new house for the first time, he found all the statues Jacob had been storing in there of himself.”

“Tom’s got a touch of the ‘tism. Another one for the pit.”

“They’ve all got autism. In our world, autism is the default and you have to prove you’re allistic.”

“I like that he is a little fucked up.” (About the Ink Demon)

“Jane has slight shaken baby(adult?) syndrome. Bill shakes her with passion”

“It’s the discord kitten in him.” (About Bill Danton)

“I LOVE HOW MAN HE IS” (about someone else’s interpretation of Sammy)

“Certified boy holder” (about someone else’s interpretation of Sammy)

“The babies. He is So Ugly<3” (about the Tom plush)

“Allison would be a crystal girl in modern days. Susie would be one of the ones with a super complex skin-care routine”

“Do you think big Bendy accepts Sammy’s weird behaviour because he gives good tummy scratches”

“Susie would hate mullets. A lot of them would. Not Jacob.”

“Norman would fucking love the song Piano Man. He would sing that shit with heart.”

“Do you think Abby helped Richie through dealing with Dave’s death?”

“Sammy+Susie: the mean girls

Jack: the cat kid”

“Norman finally exercising his ice cream rights” (about a video of a man on a game show eating an entire pint of ice cream and then feeling sick afterwards)

“High school mean girls Susie and Sammy definitely practiced kissing together”

“Me: where would Jacob be from?

Rat: Ohio probably. Look at him”

“Me: Sammy. Is he British?

Rat: yes. He tries not to be”

“I literally spent $50 on this shirt because I looked at it and went “OOooOu Norman!””

“No arguments, Nice is a people pleaser. She wants to be Alice’s best pal ever, even if that means she has to commit to atrocious crimes” (about Malice Angel’s two different voices)

“Norman goes to a thrift shop and goes “ooooo for me”. Jacob goes to a thirft shop and goes “ooooo for Norman”. Strange gay things for a strange gay man”

“Got shoved in a locker for being a nerd” (about Grant)

“I can’t explain how, but the way you’re typing is Tom like” (about me calling crabs Big Boys, Tiny Boys, and then struggling to spell anemone, followed by “how the fuck do I spell this shit”)

“He loves almonds. Nut boy. Nut boy.” (About Norman)

“Kismesis. Mmm. Regret regret regret regret” (me regretting referring to something Homestuck related while talking about Prophet Sammy and Malice)

“Do u think Tom Boris cleans people. Like lick lick.”

“What’s more powerful then being nothing AND A WOMAN AT THE SAME TIME” (conceptualising nonbinary transfem Bertie)

“He looks like a Mangle” (about Bendy-Bot)

“Old Men that make Unexpectedly Nice Poetry” (about Henry and Norman)

“Bertie: You want meeee to come put of retirement to work on your silly little project? Do I get anything out if it?

Joey: I can give you a kiss-?

Bertie: *unimpressed*

Joey: I could get on my hands and knees and start crying

Bertie: that’d be a start” (Rat’s genius)

“His boyfriends wedding, he deserves that cake” (about Wally eating Tom and Allison’s wedding cake)

“Tom wouldn’t say blimey. ..I lie. I’m sorry.”

“Sammy Lawrence is Michael Bublé”

“Pfft- love his handbag” (about a picture of Sammy holding a light from BATDS)

“Richie has discord server mod vibes”

“Rosalia is not a discord kitten. She’s the actual mod, Richie just talks too much”

“Norman is a discord kitty for many many people to turn a profit”

“And Bill and Jane look like they eat humans and get away with it. But In a Endearing tumblr sexy man Sammy way”

“What the fuck is her” (about Slicer)

“Jack is catish”

“You know he’s ready to grab things and “what if you went in my mouth”” (about Ink Demon)

“Grant is autism.

He verbally stims (tick tick tick)

He enjoys math

Canonically He can’t understand when people don’t do things for money which I assume our Grant doesn’t get it either

Bad social skills

Resting bitch face

I say so???? So??? You can’t say I’m wrong???”

“I bet he’s never heard of a social cue in his life” (about Grant)

“Grant’s ‘Strange Money’ tape. He sounds like a self conscious southern 20-something year old that really doesn’t want to be southern. He sounds divorced. He sounds like his ex-wife is a lesbian.”

““Simmons I left something in the Hell Dimension can you get it for me” that’s on brand” (about Joey)

“Henry come on, respect your parents” (about Henry telling Abby to ‘get a better name’)

“Do you think their whole group has a thing for photos, Joey’s photo book, Carol hangs some up and Simmons just has them stuffed into random places, cup holder, under the seats, in his pillow, with the spoons”

“The moment you’re in Simmons’ house you’re walking on eggshells. There could be a jumpscare anywhere”

“Joey - a list of ways he handles the studio, to emphasise that he’s trying his best

Carol - a list of ways she handles being a secretary and a front desk lady, to emphasise that she’s good at her job

Simmons - what the fuck? What is he even doing here?”

“He/him (in the gay way)” (about Simmons)

“She’s actually 12 sea mines in a turtleneck sweater” (about Susie)

“Bald Sammy Lawrence and Skin Eyes Jacob”

“Fuck you [romantic]” (about Joey’s letter to Henry)

“Sammy keeping inky handprints from PJ on his overalls” (based on a picture of a cat leaving wet paw prints on a boot and calling it a little accessory)

“Enemies to lovers [obliviously]” (about Sammy and Susie)

“Do you think even as teenage mean girls beefing it out, Sammy and Susie were still crushing on each other”

“No idea who Eugene is but fuck Chef Buck”

“He is Brazilian I’ve decided, and Sally will be Greek” (about Andre and Sally Newt, when I was designing them)

“Rat: why does 30 years make my eyes green?

Me: Tism does that

Rat: Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman-“

“Bill is what happens when you forget about a middle child”

Edit: “Jacob and Norman definitely do drugs. Anything they can grow, they will take.”

“[scary[hot]]” (about Malice)

[sparkedblaze]

Random modern AU thoughts I have that no one asked for

@noxexistant you sent that ask just as I started this, but I feel like you won't get mad at me for finishing this first

Morris tweets solely from his computer. There's no punctuation or capitalization. It's all stream of consciousness.

Oscar tweets solely from his phone, and everything is punctuated only with periods. No commas or anything, when he's finished a thought, he puts a period and moves on.

Morris has broken so many crayons, Oscar has gotten him the big jumbo ones, and eventually gets him a little art tablet.

Racer thinks he can outrace anyone at Mario Kart, but he's honestly mediocre, his friends just suck. So when he does races with fans, he gets his ass handed to him.

Skittery is a ghost hunter. They don't do anything once they find one, they're just looking for a thrill

Graves usually goes along with them, to make sure the dead is being respected, and because he's the one who is gonna put in the work to do the research and try to find out who is haunting the place and why

Blink doesn't get his nickname from his disability (though he is half blind). He gets it from the way a camera shutter 'blinks', which led to the name of his business/page 'Blink Photography'

Davey is very open about his mental illnesses. He talks about living life with autism and anxiety. How difficult it was with both him and Les (who is def AuDHD), especially with how tight money was for a long time.

Crutchie posts daily vlogs. This wholesome ray of sunshine is immediately taken up by the general public (much like AKB), and his entire audience can and will fistfight you over him. Do not talk bad about Charlie Morris-Larkin you will have not only his brothers to deal with, but also millions of fans who are absolutely feral

Henry starts off as a cooking channel. He gets so excited to try new things, and even more so when a fan suggests it. He'll ask about their favorite place to get it, or if there's anywhere good to buy it at all, or if he should just get together with someone to make it instead. He always invites said-fan to come and do the video with him and get to see him try it live and in person. There's very little he doesn't like.

Henry will bring in people from the culture (i.e. probably having someone from Elmer’s family if they’re trying pierogis, or Miss Medda if they’re trying something like gumbo (Medda Larkin is from the south and you can fight me on that), or they’ll call in Itey if they’re making an Italian dish) to kind of make sure he's not an idiot? They help explain where the dish comes from and what usually goes into it (Henry obv does research himself beforehand, but google def lies sometimes)

HENRY ALSO DABBLES IN FASHION. (HE'S THE ONLY NEWSIE WHO DOESN'T HAVE SEVEN THOUSAND COLORS ON HIM. ALL HIS CLOTHES ARE ROUGHLY THE SAME COLOR YOU CAN FIGHT ME)

Itey's channel is called Earning Your Laurels and they use yt to help people learn the Italian language, and about the Italian culture. Just kinda rambles during videos. Everyone thinks it’s cute as fuck. Especially Snitch. They share the yt channel, and Snitch uses the time to practice his Italian. Is very bad at it for a long time, pretends to still be bad for a while (but practices in secret to surprise Itey), and makes Itey cry on camera when he tells them this super big, heartfelt confession when he tells them he loves them for the first time. They leave it in the video so everyone can see. The fans go absolutely nuts over it.

Jojo's channel is called JojoPlaysShit only because he couldn't think of anything when he first started, but now he's too attached to the name

Les and Mush have competing souvenir collections. It's an actual competition. There are rules.

Les can beat almost anyone in the group at their favorite games. He's just naturally talented.

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AS I MOMENTARILY RAMBLE ABOUT MIKE THIS IS MY FAVORITE IDEA IN THE ENTIRE AU Y'ALL

His channel is Dropping the Mike:

Bob Ross style tutorials Except he’s pretty fucking terrible at everything he tries. He’ll do painting tutorials, sewing tutorials, cross stitch, knitting, crocheting, etc etc etc The only thing he learns before doing the tutorials is the basics. Like literally 'how to knit'. He doesn't look up patterns or anything, just how to get it started. It’s actually a motivation channel. To let people know it’s okay to not be perfect at everything. They’re allowed to just do things for fun. He tries paper mache and is surprisingly good at it. And just stares at his creation in utter fucking shock and is like ‘how tf did I do this???’ and his fans expect him to keep doing paper mache but he never does it on camera again.  Or at least that’s the plan before a lot of them are like ‘why don’t you do it anymore? Why can’t we see this thing you’re good at?’ and Mike tries to explain that it kind of goes against the whole point of his channel and that he’s perfectly fine being bad at everything the public gets to see. The comment section of that video explodes with demands to see more.

Romeo's is also one of my favorites, please hold

Let’s Start a Fight: A conspiracy channel. Will connect anything to anything else. Also has a series that’s essentially a game show to pit his friends’ relationships against each other to see who has the most solid relationships. The thing is, the questions are entirely arbitrary and have nothing to do with the actual partnership. Some examples: Is Pluto a planet? Is a hotdog a sandwich? Which direction is toilet paper supposed to face? Is cereal a soup? Do you eat or drink soup? There’s at least one fistfight every episode. Only a few of them were staged.  The winner isn’t determined by points or anything.  The winner is the last couple standing. The last couple not arguing. Probably gets a tv or yt deal to make it an actual show.

I wanna turn it into an actual thing but I don't know enough people. So if anyone wants to help me make this a reality I will love you forever

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

Not the same anon but If you don't mind me asking why is Bob's Burgers is centrist, uninteresting, and make's you uncomfortable?

People act like Bobs Burgers is progressively left because of, among other things:

-Characters that feel Autism Coded

-Characters that are LGBT

-Having a girl allowed to go through the weirder, grosser side of puberty like being horny

-Landlords bad

So let’s go over all of these as examples.

1. No character is actively autistic and autistic traits are mocked in the show. I know y’all think Louise wearing a bunny hat everywhere is so “you-pilled” but I’d like to remind you of Courtney, who despite them saying deserved better in her opening episode they certainly never even think to slow down on openly mocking her for stimming in a way people find gross and needed to have boundaries expressed verbally because she doesn’t pick up on cues well. Y’all really hate Big Bang for doing that shit, why does this get a pass?

2. No characters are LGBT. Bob awkwardly saying he’s “probably not gay” to a guy trying to turn him down is not confirmation that he’s bi. Dear lord Family Guy at least had the nuts to say the words “I’m Bi” when making a similar joke about Peter. Oh but they have the trans positive characters right? Oh I’m sorry, not trans characters. Drag Queen Sex Workers who’s opening appearance has them talk about sitting on people’s faces to children at a birthday. Now obviously I am absolutely pro drag, pro sex work, the works. But this reads like a conservative comic about how the libs are grooming your kids. Again, y’all hated Family Guy for the joke about Brian being grossed out when he finds out he had sex with a woman he obviously couldn’t tell was trans, why is this suddenly positive trans rep?

3. Tina’s obsession with grabbing her neighbors ass is gross. When Big Mouth did this shit with a character they spent the next 4 years explaining over and over again the line between being attracted to someone and being allowed to horny during puberty while being any gender, and sexual harassing people. Bobs Burgers never makes this distinction. Tina is just supposed to shoot off about her latest erotic fan fiction about the boy next door and I’m supposed to laugh. It’s giving “its funny because she’s a girl” energy, not positive influence energy.

4. Their landlord is a friend who is routinely shown to be “crazy but also friendly guy who’s actually helpful and gives Bob plenty of rent extensions”.

Now does this mean Bobs Burgers is secretly some right-wing pipeline? No. All of these things are dumb oversights or jokes that went on too long which happens in the best of shows. Family Guy certainly wasn’t immune to taking too long to end Quagmire SA jokes or making anti-Semitic remarks feel a little too unironic. But Family Guy also threatens to break your teeth if you don’t respect Native Americans in conversations about their land, or if you don’t have respect for trans people. Bobs Burgers is too out of politics to say that.

And that’s fine. This isn’t modern Simpsons type “centrism” which is just myopically packaged conservatism, this is Duncaville. It’s easy Gen-X humor that’s just calm and mundane enough that you can relax to it. It’s practically background noise for 40-year-old wine moms, and that’s NOT an inherent negative. But I’m sick of people acting Bobs Burgers is the one and only “truly progressive” cartoon while it does literally nothing in the way of politics one way or the other. You like it? Fine. But don’t come to me about how how it’s the most genius show ever written and “so much better than gross out garbage like Seth MacFarlane makes” or you’re getting popped.

[sassypotatoe1]

So I very recently (yesterday) learned that I very likely have a cashew nut allergy, which is a pity because they're so yummy, but now I'm like, literally 24 hours after eating them, battling cramps and body aches and extreme nausea. The last time I got this sick was also, surprise surprise, from eating cashews, but I didn't even think then that I was allergic, just that I ate too much and got some sort of toxicity reaction.

However, yesterday I ate 100g, which is nowhere near the amount I ate last time, and I've been so so sick since, and probably will be for quite a few days. And I'm thinking back on previous times I got this type of sick and each time there were cashews involved.

The problem is that I never noticed because I, one, have shit interoception, thanks autism, but two both my parents and my paternal grandma have/had ibs. I just thought gi issues ran in the family, and I didn't even consider an allergy because I was expecting anaphylaxis, but instead I got nausea, diarrhea, cramps, muscle pains, vomiting and fever.

So like first it's time to do a broad spectrum prick test and some blood tests I think, because knowing now that this specific set of symptoms are likely an allergic reaction, I know that if I remove those allergens from my life I'll feel like this much less often. No one ever thought to test me for allergies because I don't get anaphylaxis, I get an upset tummy and flu symptoms.

So anyway this is your friendly reminder that maybe it's not ibs, maybe you have a food allergy or sensitivity, and just because you don't break out in itchy hives and have your airways close up on you does not mean it's not an allergic reaction, and it also doesn't mean that the reaction is less severe. I'm extremely dehydrated currently, I can't keep any food down and I'm going to be in pain for a week. Thank God for paracetamol.

If you're disabled, chronically ill or neurodivergent these things go under the radar because your reactions and symptoms aren't typical, and it can make you very sick in the long run. My paternal grandpa got esophageal cancer from years of just eating foods he had an allergy to because he grew up getting called picky. My dad took like 2 decades to even go see a doctor about his gi issues and now has had to cut several foods from his diet. My mom got a hernia, she has 2 now, and gets diarrhea frequently. The damage of allergic reactions aren't temporary, so if you even think you might be sensitive to something in any way, even if your only hint is that you don't like how it tastes or feels, get tested and remove it from your life as far as possible.

[robotsafari]

66, 6, 87, 1, 45

prepare for snothing but guilty gear: 66 - Make Oneself (Guilty Gear XX)

not surprised since like any other xx track, well, i listened to it alot. i like this song a lot !! make oneself is a song i can only describe as a very "axl" theme. idk how to communicate why i feel this way but i can just say this song fits him like a glove. i prefer the xx version over the x version personally. idk, the x version just gets too noisy for me. too much of a cacophony most of the time. sorry x version lovers. burn me at the stake or smthing.

6 - Doubt (Guilty Gear Xrd)

WHY. why is this so fucking high .. this song isnt even that good. its just a funny story mode track that plays in some assassins scenes. i guess because i kept making a joke where i played like the ffirst few seconds of this song??? whatever. its fine. press x to doubt or whatever.

87 - Drumhead Pulsation (Guilty Gear Isuka)

YEAAAAAAHH NOW WE'RE TALKINNNNN!!!!!!!!!! this song fucking rules and its honestly a crime i havent listened to it more often. this is like. roadtrip music material to me idk why. i could blast this shit in a car or something and go nuts. so awesome. im so lame.

1 - i think i hauve autism

yeah. its the xx version of a solitude that asks nothing in return. i love venom. you know i love venom. you know the entire guild does insane things to my brain. you know the solemn vibe of the track makes me shake and cry for 500 hours. you know that violin part gets me every time. you know the fact that venom's theme changes so drastically between x & xx breaks my soul into an unfathomable number of pieces. its a modern fucking masterpiece except that this song is probably a decade old at this point. hey. did you know that in the violin part, the bassline has a motif from the old version of that part? yeah. just wanted to let you know that.

45 - The Original (not the original version for some reason)

wait why the xx version i like the x version better--

jokes aside. yeha i like faust's theme in this game its very good. i guess the xx version is so high because i found out the x version exists and is good too late. sad. well the xx version isnt that bad its just well.. its missing the saxophone, the funky synths, the whimsy, the heart, the soul.. sorry. its inferior but its still a bop.

so if you wanna send me an ask of this please do a batch like this its very fun and i dont have a lot of followers or ppl who pay attention to what i say.