#this is rly heavy after all my memeing but ive been thinkin abt this stuff

[burnssouls]

this is going to be a bit all over the place, but i’m going to talk about takeru’s time after the incident like his time before he left for den city. or well...what i think it was like considering the anime only gave us so much information. also it’ll be under the cut cuz it’s a lot. 

tw: mentions of suicidal thoughts/ideation

first of all, i don’t think he underwent any form of therapy unlike other lost kids (like yusaku or jin). his grandparents wanted him to. they asked him if he wanted to, but he refused. he was stubborn and scared and just wanted to be alone. he didn’t think anyone would understand what he went through. how could they? only other victims of the incident would be able to. he denied medical help and decided to instead isolate himself. his grandparents never pushed him into anything, they didn’t want to overstep a boundary. they could see how unstable he was. they didn’t want to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do in fear of pushing him over the edge. 

he spent the majority of his time inside, in his room to be exact. flame did say he was a neet before coming to den city after all. takeru kept the blinds in his room closed and was known to lay in bed all day, scrolling through things on his phone. he had a pile of snacks near his bed so he would always have something to eat. if he grew hungry, it would send him into a panic causing him to recall the nights (sometimes even days) he went without food. his grandparents also made him meals of course and brought them to him. he always appreciated that.

there was a time when he attempted to go to school, for his grandparents’ sake. however, it ended up being too much for him to handle. he hated being around so many people at once. there was too much noise, too much stimulation. on top of that, he could only eat at a certain time. this caused him to have panic attacks abruptly at times and cause a disturbance in the middle of class. he quickly became the outcast of his class and soon the entire school. they made fun of him behind his back, called him names, claimed he was overdramatic and exaggerating. he knew what was happening of course. he heard them. they never talked quietly enough and he knew it was on purpose. he was broken. he wasn’t normal. he never could be normal. as time went on, takeru started skipping school before he stopped showing up altogether in favor of isolating himself once more.

though during his time at school, he made a friend. a girl his age named kiku. she was kind to him, but takeru was unable to tell if this was her true nature. it wasn’t like he wanted to distrust her, but he couldn’t help it due to the way everyone else was treating him. he would talk to her, but she was always kept at a distance. he talked to her occasionally, but only about mundane things. 

after leaving school and falling into his old habits, he rarely ever left his home for the following years. as a result of this, he had a severe vitamin d deficiency and it served to make his depression even worse. he barely had the energy to move out of bed. he didn’t want to do anything. there were many days where he felt he was better off dead. some nights he prayed he would die in his sleep. he thought of ways to kill himself, but when it came down to it, he was too afraid to go through with such a thing. but if he were dead, he wouldn’t have to deal with the nightmares, he wouldn’t have to remember the electrical shocks, he wouldn’t have to be a burden to his grandparents. if he were dead, he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this and many days that seemed like a great alternative to “living” (if you can even call it that, he barely felt alive, he just existed.)

what finally helped him to start coming out of the darkness was meeting flame. he told him about what was happening with link vrains and playmaker, go onizuka, and blue angel. he explained so much to him and it became takeru’s small glimmer of light. he began researching all about the trio, keeping track of what they did. he cheered them on. in particular, he admired playmaker. this was due to the fact that he was a fellow victim of the lost incident. despite this, he was able to fight. he was able to take matters into his own hands and search for the truth. he was so much stronger than takeru. takeru wished he had that kind of strength. he looked up to him as well as go and blue angel. grasping this wish of his along with the desire to find himself, he made up his mind to leave his hometown and go to den city.