#this is specifically about my brain damage in regards to

[somanywords]

watching a good musical really will have you out there breathing heavily. like yeah. men sure can dance

[bywons]

CRIMES COMMITTED AGAINST WOMEN, ITS HER FAULT?

RG KAR MEDICAL COLLEGE&HOSPITAL, THE HEINOUS ACTS

NOTE: THIS POST HAS INFO SOLELY BASED ON MY OWN RESEARCH, SOURCES FROM THE NEWS AND INTERNET SO CREDS OF SS TO THE OWNERS. if you have any other information regarding this case, please please do feel free to reblog this and share them, as i can't compile everything in one post due to the case being an ongoing one. I would appreciate if you could read all of it, I tried to keep it short and compact and easy enough for everyone to understand. Of course, I have to keep a few names and specific political parties and critism out of this for obvious reasons of this post being taken down, but trust me, karma is real.

Do tell me if I lack anything, will try my best to add it or make another post about it. WE WANT JUSTICE.

01 TAKE HER NAME, DON'T FORGET HER

Dr. Moumita Debnath, a junior female doctor, a 2nd year PGT at R G KAR medical college and hospital was gang r4ped and m4rdered in the college seminar hall, while she was in a 36 hr shift, in 9th of August, 2024, Kolkata.

R G KAR, a reputed college and hospital, only allowing the top of brains to enter its premises, has now lost it's name to this heinous crime. Moumita debnath's perpetrators live to this day and the college authorities are yet to pay any heed. Why?

That poor girl was bleeding from her eyes, vagina, with disfigured limbs and broken collarbones, bite marks, broken pelvic girdle and hyoid bone several other signs of struggle and violence ( attached report below ) Even her legs were forcefully coaxed apart, that her bones were broken. 150 gms of sperm was have been discovered from her body, when a male individual can only transfer a maximum of 15 gms. Can you imagine her pain? What did she do to deserve this pain and suffering, this heinous crime against her? Can you imagine how her parents must have felt to hear the news?

Oh, I forgot. This absolute blood boiling, gut wrenching and demonic of an act was immediately announced as a "SU3CIDE" upon initial FIR, and to her parents, by authorities. Can't you see? How they tried to coarctate the matter by calling it a su3cide?

How can a girl with extreme signs of violence and r4pe on her body, with little to no clothes, broken limbs, bleeding eyes, commit a su4cide? THIS IS A BLOT ON THE AUTHORITIES WHO ARE CLEARING VIEWING THIS MATTER AS A JOKE no girl in that condition can commit a su3cide, do you really think people are THAT DUMB?? that we won't notice you trying to cover up this case??

02 TAMPER THE EVIDENCE, HIDE THE CRIMINAL

Dr. Moumita Debnath's body was cremated without her parents' approval/permission. They were kept waiting for 3 fucking hours. As if to get rid of her body as soon as they can with minimal autopsy, before CBI could even start investigation.

As soon as this case was handed over from WBPD ( west bengal police department ) to CBI ( central bereau of intelligence ) mobs have barged in and LITERALLY DAMAGED THE WALLS BESIDE THE SEMINAR HALL ( the crime scene ) inside the college premises. And for what? Come on we know it all, for removal of some obvious evidence.

On 14th august, during the middle of the night which was during the ‘RAAT DOKHOLE MEYERA’ ( girls reclaim the night ) rally, in RG KAR, mobs yet again managed to infiltrate the college premises to cause damage again, this time targeting specific cctv cameras as well. They also vandalised public property and vehicles in a "profesional" way. — “MBBS student Anupam Roy, an eyewitness to the mob attack, said the mob's act was deliberate with the clandestine motive of ending their agitation.” — from Hindustan Times.

They even CAUSED HARM TO THE WASHROOMS OF THE FLOOR WHERE EVIDENCE COULD'VE BEEN FOUND. The motive of the mob is obvious— to tamper the evidence in order to protect the perpetrators.

03. POLITICS BEFORE BASIC LAW & ORDER?

Political parties are busy blaming each other and throwing dirt on names, meanwhile also trying to hide the perpetrators and start protests against opposition parties. Is your political position and meaningless arguments more valuable than a girl's life which been lost so brutally? Can we not keep politics aside, just for a moment and try to bring the girl justice? These thick skinned selfish monsters don't feel the pain of her parents, the emotions of helpless women and the crime they're commiting themselves.

They are slowly shifting away from the main matter of bringing her justice, trying to coarctate is slowly by heavy politics. Well the public is not dumb, we can see it all and understand how our CM doesn't even care about this situation.

SHAME ON YOU, the authorities, you're are only hope in this city in this state and you're acting this way?! Do you not have spines? Is money and votes everything to you? How low is too low and why is it the west bengal government?

They even have an accused suspect in custody ( Sanjoy Roy ) whom everybody is calling a scapegoat, which he possibly could be regarding the governments recent inactivities towards the situation. They are even giving out orders to resist rallies and protests, such a fucking disgrace, cause then vandalism and tampering of evidence is right but not raising your voice against it?

04. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE?

This year marks the 77th independent year for India, but are we really? Women are not safe at night walking along the streets their own ancestors fought for, women are not safe in their own workplace working shifts, women are not safe in public transport, in their homes, neighbourhood, schools, colleges, NOWHERE ARE WE ALLOWED TO HAVE A PEACEFUL BREATHE. But for how long? It's been 12 years since we witnessed a similar, horrible and atrocious crime as NIRBHAYA, only for it to happen again. This shows how weak, corrupted, and unjust Indian judiciary system has become, and as an Indian myself, it ashames me deeply to admit this. We are failing as a society, still not being able to create a safe environment for our women.

But time has come now to raise our voice and fists together against this oppressive, corrupt government and snatch our own freedom ourselves. DONT YOU EVER FORGET ABOUT HER, TAKE AND HER NAME AND PROMISE YOURSELF TO BRING HER JUSTICE. If we forget and give up, god knows how many others will die like this without any justice. Justice is ours and we will have it, there is no point of being 'independent' if we have to do candle marches every other day, mourn for our women every other day, be scared of letting our daughter out every other day.

This is time, we rise up as one.

We want the actual criminals to be punished a hundred times more cruelly than Dr. Moumita Debnath was k!lied.

WE WANT JUSTICE. BRUTAL PUNISHMENT TO THE CRIMINALS.

ALL EYES ON RG KAR. ALL EYES ON DOCTORS. JUSTICE FOR MOUMITA DEBNATH.

tagging few of my moots. @leaderwon @rainytapestry @fertilizedtoesw @atrirose @hoonvrs @flwrstqr @mioons @dioll @okwonyo @okwons @heeblurs @weoris @junislqve @jlheon @sainns @hyeinism @fleurre @soov @isoobie @boyfhee @jjunae @onlyjjong @wonfilms @kissofhoon @voikiraz @koishua

[paper-mario-wiki]

I feel like I've ended up in the same spot as so transmasc before me: I have a lovely cis boyfriend who loves my tits which I love for him, but I am getting dysphoric to the point I wanna lift my lips and show a lil teeth when I see his hands coming towards them. Feels bad because they are his favorite and we haven't been fucking as much because as soon as he starts touching me I am out of it™ and get all in my head and freeze up. Any advice?

good god, brother. i am utterly baffled at why you have elected me as the strategist for this problem, and i'm even more confused as to why you have chosen to go into as much detail as you have.

but.

if i were to give you some advice on this

i'd say that you should consider a conversation with your partner about the long-term plan for the relationship. a "relationship" is two lives that are connected, right? and your life is not one where you're gonna have boobs for the rest of it (or at least based on what you've told me i would assume, should you have your way, those bad boys are gettin lopped off at some point), therefore it's pertinent that it be brought up, because it concerns your life, therefore it concerns the relationship, therefore it concerns him, yes?

now, the first and most obvious thing to start with out the gate is the boundary, made clear and concise: the hills are now closed, off limits to tourists. all discussions regarding this come next. make it clear that it's about something quite core to your identity, and something that does in fact cause physical pain (a panic response from the nervous system is pain homie).

this brings some followup questions (and remember, this isn't an interrogation, it's a dialogue to share): how does he feel about this? if he's against, why? for that matter, how much does it bother him? is there something he doesn't understand about your discomfort? is there some concern he has about your financial or bodily well-being with regards to the procedure? is it because it's vital to his attraction to you as a partner? if that's the case, would their removal be a deal-breaker?

now keep in mind, these question can be brought up whether or not you've got immediate plans to engage in the aforementioned lopping-off of your aforementioned Bad Boys, because the actual point of this dialectical exercise is to create a simple, easy to navigate, easy to understand conversation, which will set a foundation for further negotiations-- should you learn something new about each other, or yourselves, or the relationship as a whole.

either way, i do not think that letting it keep happening and keeping it to yourself is a good idea. i can understand feeling guilty about withholding some physical and emotional gratification you could give "easily" to this person you care dearly for, but trust me when i say that it's not the way to let it be. not just because it's unfair to your partner to secretly grow to resent them for a reason you don't want to vocalize, but to yourself as well.

you may not know it, but by keeping it to yourself you're slowly building up a resentment. that frustration actually shows up pretty clearly in your message. and even if what you're frustrated about is only that particular activity, that activity is irrevocably tied to another person. specifically, a person that you consider to be a pretty central pillar in your life. if that resentment grows, it can evolve into anger, hatred, fear, paranoia, and all sorts of nasty things. and even aside from the emotional and psychological damage that can do, it can grow into a physiological issue, where your brain wears out more and more due to the growing emotional distress ripping through your neurons with all sorts of "emergency" chemicals. like i said, the panic response is a physical pain, even if your body doesn't feel like it "hurts".

so. to summarize.

ABSOLUTELY bring it up. if you don't, it could become damaging to your relationship, and also your actual real life physical brain.

when you do bring it up, remember that the goals are to set a boundary, and to reach an understanding through mutual conversation. it's a dialogue, not a lecture.

when you reach an understanding, figure out if the relationship needs to be renegotiated in some way. that usually means new boundaries, or expectations. or maybe nothing! though surely your boyfriend can find more things to love about you.

that's as best as i can muster. you don't have to follow it, but hopefully it'll at least give you some ideas you can use.

[techramonic]

What is Pain? : How Austin Eubanks Dealt with Addiction and the Aftermath of Columbine.

Austin and Corey

Stephen Austin Eubanks was a junior and a star student in Columbine High School. Corey Tyler DePooter, his best friend, was also a particularly gifted student who prioritized his studies over anything else. Despite having a wide range of interests, the two kids particularly bonded over their shared passion for fishing.

At the age of 17, Corey had gotten a job doing maintenance at a golf club in order to earn money for a fishing boat that he planned to buy with a friend — likely Austin. The two often used to go fishing together and would talk about the struggles they had as teenagers.

Day of the Tragedy

On April 20th of 1999, the two were inside the library getting ready to get lunch with their friends, Jennifer Doyle and Peter Ball. That was until they had heard shots fired from the outside, not recognizing the sounds and believing that it was only the sounds of construction. Then they heard a bomb go off, a teacher rushing in to scream for the students to hide underneath the table because two students were armed with guns.

In a state of shock and fear, the four duck under the same table near the windows. With 10 minutes passing, the shooters had already entered the library and methodically fired under each table as recalled by him. His best friend, Corey, was one of those who were shot after being aimed with a semi-automatic rifle and shot at the neck, chest, and left arm by Dylan Klebold.

The bullet that hit Austin's hand first passed through his best friend, killing him instantly. With his best friend lying lifelessly beside him and being wounded on his hand and knee, Austin had no other choice than to try to play dead while laying in a pool of blood. When the shooting had stopped, Austin ran through the smoke and out of the backdoor of the library. He was only 17 when the shooting occured.

In Austin's TedTalk “What Columbine Shooting taught me about pain and addiction”, he recalls:

"I remember how I felt: I was confused, I was afraid, I felt sick and I was vulnerable. And just minutes later, I was playing dead underneath a table next to a pool of blood. I had just been shot and I witnessed my best friend murdered right in front of me as we were huddled together waiting for help to come."

Pain, Grief, and Narcotics

During the time he fled from the crime scene, Austin marked that as one of the most impacting and damaging experiences he has ever experienced in regards to the feeling of pain. His definition of pain was nothing similar to what he describes in his present days.

Pain, in a medical sense, is the variably unpleasant sensation of physiological systems mediated by specific nerve fibers of the brain that are conscious of receiving signals of awareness. According to Austin's TedTalk, the American Pain Society introduced the term "pain is the fifth vital sign" in 1996. This means that when you enter the room, your status is assessed using five different data points: blood pressure, pulse rate, temperature, respiration rate, and pain.

Due to a movement that was certain that we were undertreating pain, patient satisfaction surveys were implemented in order to monitor the campaign's success. To him, in order to uphold this new momentum and cause the patient's pain levels to cease completely, the ethical dilemma instantly arose:

“Do I issue this person with narcotics to make them happy or deny them and potentially hurt my compensation, the revenue of the hospital? Or at worse, open myself up for a grievance for undertreating pain that could potentially result in the loss of my job?”

Austin says that the healthcare system predominantly treats physiological systems and would rather not assess emotional pain into the equation. He akins the emotional pain of dealing with trauma being identical or if not more than when dealing with physical pain. With that, within months after the incident, Austin was prescribed opiate medication for his injuries.

In an exclusive interview with The Fix, he said that his injuries were not to the point of needing an opiate pain medication but was immediately given a 30-day supply and became addicted within three months. From then on, he said, “I used substances every day, day in and day out.”

After the shooting, his parents took him to a therapist who said Austin was too shut down to process his horrific trauma. But the reason no one could reach him was because he was overmedicated. He was addicted to painkillers, and used medication because of his unwillingness to engage in the stages of grief that he dreaded to face. He was haunted by the past. Struggling with survivor's guilt and the death of his best friend, he would rather ignore the intense burdening feelings he bore. According to him,

“Acute Physical Pain ends relatively quickly, complex emotional pain does not.”

The morphine Eubanks received at the hospital that day proved to be the opening dose of a costly addiction to prescription painkillers - one that revolved around commonly prescribed drug Oxycontin, he said.

“I learned to manipulate doctors … I could literally get whatever I wanted. Telling them I’d been shot at Columbine and lost my best friend was like [getting] an open prescription book from any doctor.”

He could not process the grief, moreso, he didn't want to. He didn't want to be haunted by the memories that scarred him. In his own words, he would describe the physical ailments he felt to be a 4 or 5, but the emotional turmoil was a 10.

Austin never set foot back to Columbine. His parents hired a tutor and he then went on to graduate in 2000. He attended the Columbine ceremonies but never went back inside the school. He then went into advertising and married in his early 20s. Around this time his substance abuse escalated, and his first attempt to get sober was in 2006. He went into a 30-day inpatient program but failed within hours of leaving, for  relapsing using pain pills and Adderall. 

Addiction and Sobriety 

He failed both outpatient and rehab twice and it wasn't until 10 years later, in 2009 that he was able to overcome this addiction. Right before Columbine, young Austin had been misdiagnosed with ADD. 

“I didn’t have ADD,” said Eubanks. “I just liked being outdoors and playing golf better than being in school. At that time, if anybody was truant at school they said, ‘Oh, they must be ADD. Let’s put them on a stimulant.’ That was why I got Adderall. I liked it because I could abuse opiate pain medication to the level that most people would be nodding out. With Adderall, I could function. Basically, I was doing oral speedballs. It was like using methamphetamine and heroin.”

His second try at being sober was in 2008. Gaining the motivation to change after recently separating from his wife, he went to treatment, stayed 90 days, and achieved eight months of sobriety. Then, he akinned addiction to a causal sequence, a domino effect. According to him, he achieved abstinence for a period of time, built up enough false confidence to where he thought he could drink, because alcohol was never a problem. From alcohol, he went to weed, then Xanax, then Oxycontin, and then back into the same routine.

In 2011, approaching the age of 30 and estranged from his wife and kids, he hit rock bottom: "My sobriety date is April 2, 2011. I woke up in a jail cell and had no clue how I got there." His downward spiral began with Oxycontin and alcohol abuse, leading to arrests for various offenses like car theft and fraud. Realizing that he needed a drastic change, he recounted that his lowest moment was waking up in withdrawal, hungover, and facing the ruins of his marriage and being estranged from his children. He knew he had to stop or he would die. After unsuccessful attempts at sobriety, he finally sought help, surrendered to treatment, and was now willing to follow any guidance to rebuild his life.

His journey to lasting sobriety didn't hinge on traditional 12-step programs, but rather on understanding behavioral triggers and brain function through a therapeutic community approach. He was five years sober and started working at The Foundry in Colorado, becoming the COO and handling approaches that combined neuroscience with 12-step principles, recognizing that each person's path to recovery is unique. Using comprehensive approaches aiming to rebuild the lives of those in recovery.

During this time, he would also indulge in old activities in remembrance of his bestfriend.

“It’s something I do to connect with Corey. It's always nice whenever I catch a fish that's above the normal or something special about it. I always tend to look up and give a nod to him. And I know he’s still looking out for me."

Sadly, despite his long battle against drug addiction, in 2019, Austin had passed away in his home in Colorado after an accidental heroin overdose. Just a month after the 20th anniversary of Columbine, Austin was 37 at the time.

What is Pain?

Pain, to Austin, encompassed many things: the confusion and vulnerability of not knowing what to do in such a time of terror, the physical wounds that the doctors tried to medicate to bring the pain meter to zero, and most importantly, the emotional hurt of knowing your best friend was gone, taken right in front of you. Knowing that very moment can never be undone.

His advice for survivors dealing with the same guilt is to feel it. Don't run away from it. Survivors often find other things that allow them to detach from the pain, but to him, that's the wrong choice.

“You can heal physical pain while you’re medicating it. You cannot heal emotional pain while you are medicating it, In order to heal emotional pain, you have to feel it ... You want to feel better immediately, [but] you have to have the courage to sit in and feel it, and if you can do that long enough, you will come out on the other side.”

Along with post-traumatic stress, there is also the potential for post-traumatic growth.

“That doesn’t imply you will ever be the same person again. After a trauma, you will be changed forever.”

[alaskasmonsters]

𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 (michael kaiser)

pairing: michael kaiser x gn!reader

contents: flirting, foreign language (german), teasing, petnames, enemies to lovers, mistaking attraction for hatred, reader has anger issues

w/c: 2.486 (istg this was meant to be short,,,)

summary: kaiser is infuriating. there is just something about him that made your blood boil. and when the boy started teasing you in german, knowing damn well you had no idea what he was saying you could only imagine what type of things he was saying about you.

a/n: oh look it’s my favourite trope. mistaking attraction for hatred. <3 kaiser speaks german in this one because *looks at hand* i do what i want :)) you’ll find the translations for what he says at the bottom of the post. they are pulled from my own brain (this is me trying to say i am in fact fluent in german shshshhs) also writing some of kaiser’s lines made me cringe bdhdh ngl he thinks he’s so hot 🙄🙄 and he is also the title is lowkey highkey misleading hahaha

Kaiser got under your skin like no one else did. He always had that particular skill. No matter what he did, no matter what he said, the boy infuriated you to no end.

Everything about him down to his stupid smirk, his playful tone, his insufferable confidence and sometimes even just the way he would look at you… there was nothing in the world that managed to rile you up as much as being stuck in the same room as that boy.

Unfortunately, this was something that happened quite often. Kaiser and you being forced upon each other, like the universe was playing some twisted game, waiting to see who of you would break first and go at each other’s throat.

And you were pretty sure you were losing.

If getting the chance to choke Kaiser could be classified as a loss, that was. Maybe it would be a blessing. Maybe you shouldn’t look a gifted horse in the mouth. Maybe you should just wipe that arrogant smirk off his smug face forever and call it a day. Then you’d be rid of the pest called Michael Kaiser.

The boy who managed to bring out the ugliest side of you. An angry side, a spiteful side, a childish side. A side you did not like about yourself. A side you’d rather ignore, push deep deep down to the depths of your subconsciousness and never let see the light of day again.

You had no idea what you did to deserve this. Why the universe decided to punish you specifically was beyond your comprehension. Haven’t you always been an upstanding citizen? Haven’t you always tried your best to not be an asshole, to not let your anger get the best of you? And yet, and yet, here you were once again, standing in front of Kaiser, who was regarding you with one of his trademark smirks, while you were struggling to keep your cool.

The boy knew exactly how to push your buttons and he never held back. No, he seemed to bathe in your attention, all satisfied smirks and gleaming eyes, and your anger only spurring him on in his mission to be the most infuriating man on the planet.

You didn’t even know who started it this time but you were blaming Kaiser anyway. After all he was usually the one breaking the unspoken rule that was put in place for the two of you that said you were not allowed to interact. Because of how little you got along you were also advised to avoid each other as much as possible.

Regardless of who was the initiator today, it didn’t matter. The damage was already done. The “damage” being you, standing here, chest swirling with burning hot anger and Kaiser, who had nothing better to do than make it worse.

Like fucking always.

You hated Kaiser, and most days you were sure he hated you, too. Still, it was always you who got upset with him and it was always he who liked to make a joke out of the whole situation. Probably because he knew it would only infuriate you more.

The boy loved pushing your buttons.

“Weißt du, du bist echt süß,” Kaiser purred, tilting his head to the side as he regarded you, “Einfach zum Anbeißen.”

You frowned, jaw clenching in irritation as you glared at his smug face, the mocking tone of his voice not going past you.

Even when he was speaking another language. Despite knowing full well you couldn’t understand him and that you hated it. He loved it, though. Speaking German when you were already angry, knowing it only made it worse.

Whatever insults he spout at you or names he called you in the other language, with a fake smile in place, you couldn’t possibly know. But you expected the worst.

“Michael,” you warned.

His eyebrow ticked up at the usage of his first name.

That was only a small triumph. He preferred being called by his last name, especially by you. He was a weirdo who got off being addressed with the title of an emperor, and you weren’t an exception. You knew it made his skin buzz, could see it in the way he’d lit up.

Kaiser nodded, seemingly to himself as he leaned his shoulder against one of the lockers of the dressing room. Why you were even in here was beyond you. Maybe today was the day of bad decisions.

“Und dann ist es noch so einfach, dich sauer zu machen, fast schon witzig,” he continued, not dropping his smirk.

His eyes narrowed at you mockingly, hands pushed deep into his pants pockets. He seemed to look relaxed but you knew he was watching you like a hawk, waiting for what you’d do next. If you’d leave, like you did many times, storm out and slam the door shut behind you or if you’d talk back, something you often couldn’t resist either.

Your jaw ticked. Knowing that Kaiser was well aware of how easy you were to anger and provoking you anyways was something that got your blood boiling like nothing else. Your heart was already thumping wildly in your chest, the sound of it rushing to your ears. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins, spurting you to act, to run or to argue or maybe to punch him. And worst of all, you could already feel the onset of shivers.

It was such a nasty betrayal of your body.

Whenever you got upset, you started shaking. It was most likely the adrenaline but if driven to a certain point of anger it’s something you couldn’t help. Your hands and your shoulders and your legs would start shaking and you’d stand there looking like a stupid chihuahua — at least Kaiser loved to compare you to one of those.

He loved to make fun of you for it. He loved to make fun of you for a lot of things…

Your body moved before you could think.

“You’re a fucking jerk,” you hissed, stepping closer until you were stood right in front of him and digging your finger into his chest.

Kaiser didn’t appear appalled or the slightest bit worried about your trembling form. His grin was sharp, eyes narrowed with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. Your anger, like so often, only seemed to spur him on.

He leant forward, pushing off the wall, weight against your finger on his chest increasing as he came face to face with you. Before you knew it his hand was on your face. His fingers found your chin, pointer finger gently lifting it as his thumbs graced your cheeks.

You froze, heart skipping a beat in disbelief at the audacity of this man. Your face flushed, you could feel the anger in your cheeks now.

“Wenn du meinst, Schatz,” Kaiser mused, emphasizing the last word and leant closer, your noses barely a breath apart.

Your hands tightened into fists by your side. You should move. You should push him away, maybe slap him while you were at it but you found yourself frozen, completely shocked by the intrusion of personal space. That was unfair. He couldn’t do that when you were angry.

Wait, no! He couldn’t do that at all!

Kaiser hummed, watching the conflict wash across your face with interest, lifting your chin up higher and dipping his head lower.

That was the moment your brain decided to bid its goodbye, your brain cells frying with its departure.

You had no idea what was happening. Whether Kaiser had just seen something on your face and gracefully decided to take it upon himself to remove it with his lips, or if he had finally thrown his last bit of dignity out of the window and was planning to bite you.

Which didn’t make much sense, because out of the two of you you were certainly the one struggling to keep yourself from being violent with him. He had never even come close, unless he was as good at hiding it as you would like to hope you were.

Kaiser’s face was still moving closer.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you realized what the only logical follow up to this action was and you stopped, not moving away when you easily could have, waiting for Kaiser to seal your lips with his.

But before it could come to that Kaiser stopped, waiting a moment, before drawing back, observing you out of hooded eyes and taking in your…whatever expression you must be making that moment.

If you had to guess it was probably similar to whatever a crashing Windows would be looking like.

“You look like you really want this ‘jerk’ to kiss you, though,” he murmured, still only centimeters away from your lips.

Before you could decide to do anything, like actually push him away or maybe pull him closer or any other insane thing, Kaiser giggled, fucking giggled, before pulling back. He didn’t withdraw without planting a kiss against your forehead, though, making you flinch.

What the-

You gaped at him, blinking. Then you realized what just happened.

You had almost let Kaiser kiss you.

You. had. almost. let. Kaiser. kiss. you.

You had almost let Kaiser kiss you!

No, wait, this wasn’t even all there was.

Kaiser had almost kissed you!

Kaiser, the most infuriating man on the planet, the asshole that got off on fighting with you, had almost kissed you. No, he did kiss you! On the forehead. He had planted his lips there, acting like it was the most normal thing in the world. Which it wasn’t!

Who even did that? Who kissed their…their…enemy anywhere?

Your hand touched the space above your brows his lips had touched, as you stared at him. He gave you a challenging look.

“You’re….you’re so? You’re unbelievable!” You stuttered, completely out of your depth.

The both of you had entered new territory with this action of his and you had no idea how to act.

“Oh? Am I?” he asked unconcerned.

You glared at him, raising your finger then changed your mind. Instead you turned around and started stomping towards the door. You could not be dealing with this right now.

You simply refused.

Kaiser chuckled, snatching your wrist. “Come on, don’t be like that. If you wanted me to kiss you you should have just said so.”

You clenched your jaw, somehow managed to talk yourself out of actually hitting him and instead only ripped your wrist from his grip.

“I didn’t !”

“Mh?”

“I didn’t want you to kiss me, you asshole,” you bit out, turning to look back at him over your shoulder, face lowered and eyes narrowed to give him your best glare.

Kaiser looked unimpressed.

“Is that so?” He tilted his head to the side, grin cheeky.

“Oh now you can speak a language I understand,” you growled, winning the inner fight against your voice of reason and facing him again.

“Magst du es nicht, wenn ich deutsch für dich spreche?” He feigned hurt, placing his hand over his heart. “Das verletzt mich echt.”

You wanted to bury your face in your hands and scream. But you didn’t. Because you were strong. So, so strong. And so brave about it.

“You know I hate that. Stop being so fucking infuriating.”

He snickered. “Why are you even so mad at me all the time?“

“Because you’re infuriating!” You deadpanned.

“And yet you find me irresistible.”

“Irresistible not to beat up.”

“How crude.”

“Shut up, already?”

With every moment the urge to wipe that self-satisfied grin from his face became stronger and with it your resolve to hold back slowly started to crumble.

Kaiser seemed to notice. Just like a shark who smelt blood he could always detect your weaknesses.

“Or what?” The challenged, stepping closer, voice lowering into a murmur, “You know, if you don’t stop being so rude I might actually have to kiss you to shut you up.”

You gaped at him, trying to step back and gain more distance between you when he took another step forward but your feet were rooted to the spot.

Was it really so easy to catch you off guard? Was Kaiser really capable of reducing you to such a mess with the threat of a kiss?

The boy laughed softly, enjoying whatever expression you must be making with your face right now. Maybe this time it was similar to a cornered animal.

“I said shut up,” you repeated, but your words had lost their heat and your face wasn’t just flushed from anger anymore.

A few moments ago you had fantasized of punching Kaiser in the face, and now…now he was saying those confusing things like they had been on his mind for a while now and you were unable to shift your focus anywhere but his slowly approaching lips.

Why did he even think of kissing you? You hated him. He hated you. What kind of fucked up game was this?

Kaiser bent forward again, suddenly directly in front of your face. How he had managed to get so close again was a mystery to you.

“Make me,” he murmured, a challenge visible in his eye.

You snarled, your anger finally taking the upper hand as your arm shot forward, fingers burying themselves in the fabric of Kaiser’s collar. You considered pushing him away, forcing him to give you space. Instead, and for no reason you were able to understand you pulled, yanking him down. Then you pressed your lips to his.

Kaiser‘s mouth felt warm against yours, lips both chapped and soft, the hand now on your waist firm. He pulled you closer, returning the kiss with fierce

You shouldn‘t question this. Not right now…maybe never. Yeah, never was probably for the best.

“Maybe you don’t hate me as much as you pretend you do,” Kaiser hummed against your lips.

The words managed to bring you back to your senses. At least partly. At least enough for you to realize what you were doing. And what you were doing was kissing Kaiser, you, who had been given a chance and still chose.

Had you actually just done this?

“You! I- Fuck you!” You hissed.

This was…You hated Kaiser. You hated him. He made you angry. On purpose! What were you doing here…kissing him?

You loosened your grip around Kaiser‘s shirt and used your flat palm to push him away. The boy didn‘t stumble, barely took a step back when you had already turned around, ready to run off.

Kaiser‘s amused laughter followed you as you pushed through the door and rushed down the corridor. His last shouted words, “Bye Schatz!” accompanying you as you disappeared behind the next corner.

You couldn‘t believe what had just happened.

You had kissed Kaiser. And the worst part about it? You kinda wanted to do it again.

translations:

“You know, you’re really cute. I could eat you right up.”

“Not to mention how easy it is to rile you up, it’s almost funny.”

“If you say so, honey (=verbatim ‘treasure’).”

“Don’t you like it when i speak german for you? That hurts me.”

“Bye honey (=verbatim ‘treasure’)”

taglist: @crystal-lilac @duf3h6237 @hufflefluffslytherin @chucky-26o1 @lordbugs

[doberbutts]

What are migraine glasses? Can't find anything on google except amazon ads

There is a new special tint for people with migraines and light sensitivity and/or photophobia- instead of the yellow night driving tint, it's actually shown to be more effective as a pinkish tone (they call it "rose" but it's very pink).

This is an ad for this specific company- but the research regarding FL-41 (the pink/rose tint) is real. It was suggested to me by my doctor after I talked about how painful and frequent my migraines are and how light often feels like someone's stabbing me in the brain and makes me want to claw my eye out with my fingers (or at least wear an eye patch), but I just ordered my first pair so I don't know yet if it'll be effective for me.

My migraines and photophobia are caused by a car accident injury back in 2018, which left me with a tbi and damaged ligaments around one of my eyes among other injuries.

[wellsbering]

i've been going through prismatic-bell's blog to try to piece together exactly what happened to make xir think that reporting someone to the FBI for terrorism with zero evidence was a logical course of action, and i came across something i felt like i just had to pick apart here. i thought about responding to the post directly, but i don't want my notifications to get overrun by zionists (i mean, that'll probably happen anyways, but...fingers crossed)

if you don't wanna read this whole long thing where i explain why this specific gofundme is indeed trustworthy, at least share & donate to muhammad's campaign here

first, what kind of fucking racist brain worms do you have to have to see an arab man asking for help and think that it's "threatening"?

what, exactly, is threatening about this screenshot? saying the honest truth, that being unable to afford medical care for a serious injury could make an amputation necessary??? asking someone to share a link on other social media to increase reach??? using ALL CAPS, LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET DO FOR EMPHASIS?? please explain it to me.

and then, of course, we have Zionist of the Year prismatic-bell's response.

most of these grammatical inconsistencies that prismatic-bell seems to think of as damning proof (mixing up 1st & 3rd-person pronouns, mixing up "hand" and "arm") are probably not things that someone who doesn't speak english would catch. tell me, tumblr: which of these do you think are "he" and "his", and which do you think are "i" and "me"?

if you're unfamiliar with the arabic writing system, you have zero clues to go on, right?

some of the people sending these asks are copying & pasting english text they see other people using to ask for donations (this is what led to that other scam controversy with bassel). learning a new language is fucking hard. trying to proofread their own messages in not just a foreign language, but a foreign ALPHABET, is not a good use of their time when they're in a warzone and desperately trying to ask anyone they can for help. also to elaborate on the hand/arm thing, it's not that fucking hard to find his gofundme, which contains photos of his actual x-rays.

you can see the shrapnel in his arm. reverse image search only brings up 5 results, 4 of which are tumblr posts linking to this gofundme, and one of which is the gofundme itself.

the bullet is in his arm. as you may imagine, having a bullet strike and break your arm is going to impact your ability to use your fucking hand. muhammad has nerve damage as a result of this injury. so yes, surgery is necessary. you can't really fix nerve damage with a simple round of antibiotics.

"ALSO also also: has nobody in Gaza heard of antibiotics? Why are we going straight for surgery?" is so fucking patronizing. yes, everyone in gaza has heard of antibiotics. unfortunately, antibiotics don't randomly spawn in hospitals like a fucking video game, they need to be TRANSPORTED there, which impossible to do when israel is blocking nearly all humanitarian aid from entering the gaza strip. this is why there are so many amputations being performed in gaza right now. they are running out - or in some locations, have already completely run out - of basic medical supplies.

also, by reading the gofundme description, the "rebuild" vs "evacuate" bit becomes clear: his family needs to rebuild their home, and he has to leave gaza to get adequate medical care. in other words, he has to leave a dangerous place that is being bombed to get to somewhere safe where he can receive medical treatment. if only there was a word for that. perhaps one that starts in evac- and ends in -uate. if only!

regarding the emojis: personally, i don't use a ton of emojis in my writing. but again, considering the aforementioned language barrier, is it surprising to see a lot of emojis? those are at least something that make sense in every language. they also serve to break up a big wall of text that people might otherwise scroll by. i have adhd, so sometimes if a long post is broken up with an occasional ❗ then my eyes will be drawn to that, and i will actually read that sentence and get put back on track.

i don't think i need to get into the "outed as a scammer" bit, since that's been thoroughly debunked. even blogs dedicated to identifying scams on tumblr, like kyra45, consider el-shab-hussein and 90-ghost's vetting process to be reliable and share their lists of vetted fundraisers.

and finally: "People can be bought. Accounts can be hacked. Maybe they used to be honest. They’re not now." this wording seems to imply that all blogs dedicated to palestinian gofundmes are dishonest? it's just as ridiculous to say "every single ask you get is a scam" as it is to say "every single ask you receive is legitimate". a blanket statement like this only serves to continue to undermine the legitimacy of the many REAL GAZANS who are asking for help to rebuild their lives.

i hope this clears some things up if anyone was confused about the legitimacy of some of these asks. the long and short of it is, it's not that hard to just look up a person's blog and see if a trusted person, who actually knows what they're doing (unlike prismatic-bell), has verified the legitimacy of their campagin or not. to be honest, i think that automatically assuming every ask related to gaza is a scam says something about the way you view palestinians. and it's not pretty.

[jojo-reader-hell]

So I was rewatching DIU (sadly not DUI) and was starting to think about Mikitaka and his sensitivity to certain sounds- via his allergy to sirens. But, I feel like it'd be super cute if Mikitaka had an s/o who had a habit of humming or just had an overall soft voice, and he's just in love with it and could just listen to them hum/talk all day.

In the first week of August 2023 we discovered aliens were real thus it is time once again for Mikitaka brain rot even though hi hello aliens scare the shit out of me and I cannot stand seeing grey aliens without reliving very specific childhood CPTSD phobias.

None the less, my body reacts strongly to Mikitaka because he is handsome boi, so let us go into headcanons.

I love the idea of his whole body just going so scrunkly when he hears you humming. Almost like a ripple effect where he just turns this really interesting shade of blue and is 🥴🥴🥴🥴 the whole time you’re just idling and trying to hum.

Like even his facial features start getting weird and his pupils dilate.

He even starts to make “ekekekekekek” sounds like a cat.

“Babe… what the fuck are you doing?”

“This sound… I am VERY attracted to it.”

Of course because it’s coming out of the mouth of your insanely attractive man, this gives you an ego boost.

This becomes a frequent thing where you will hum to him and watch him have what looks to be a complete melting session.

Insists that you hum for him whenever he’s stressed out, particularly when a siren goes screaming by the house because he insists it makes him feel better.

Obviously he is so disturbed by sirens and gets physically sick, you can’t help but oblige him.

Ironically, he likes nursery songs. You hummed Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to him and he was absolutely delighted.

He told you, “Stars in your galaxy do not really twinkle, as you call it. They appear to do so in the night sky because the light is affected by temperature and wind in your atmosphere. But your song is simply precious. Please make your humming again.”

Mikitaka often hears songs on your radio and will request you to repeat them. He often does not catch the title of the song, so he will have to resort to really specific descriptions to make sure you know which one it is.

“As far as I was able to glean from the context of the lyrics, the woman in the song is very upset that her partner has not disclosed information to her regarding his location. She proceeds to vandalize their home, their communal eating utensils, and various articles of his clothing are damaged with the sodium hypochlorite substance that you call bleach.”

“Um… ok? Do you remember anything else?”

“Oh yes! The woman indicated multiple times that she was “going to fight a man”.”

“… I’ve never heard anyone reference a Rihanna song like a work incident report but I guess there’s a first time for everything isn’t there?”

If you two have kids (or if you’re strictly child free and have pets only) he will insist you hum to them as well.

He even has his own assigned songs that he associates with each child or pet.

[tobernaut]

I really like the idea that The Goat is from an alternate universe where Shamura is The One Who Waits. It would:

Explain why their crown is purple (a fact that bothered the hell out of me) and

Imply the existence of a green crown "lamb", a yellow crown "lamb", and a blue crown "lamb" which sounds FUN AS HELL YOU GUYS

So anyway, I'm waiting for more info to come out before I make any solid theories but this is secretly what I am rooting for.

More specific thoughts on this below.

I really like the idea of the individual bishops roles staying the same. Narinder is still Death in this AU, his injuries still represent doing no evil. It's literally just a role reversal in the barest of minimums.

I can also see a brain damaged/blind/death/mute Narinder going hard, but I think the above is my preferred interpretation.

The offending Bishop would be locked away for similar reasons (wanting to "overstep" the boundaries of their power, at least in a way that made the others feel threatened) but in regards to their own areas if that makes sense. I'll have to think about how that would work specifically.

Personally if we don't get cannon confirmed information on The Goat that disproves this, this is the idea I'll be going with because the directions you can take it just seems very neat. Thinking about the other bishops having their own Narinder core chained up design is cool enough as is, but what if they have their own Baal and Aym too?? Will all the vessels be goats/sheep/geep/similar?? I don't know it just provides a lot of neat ideas for the brain worms to think about.

[plasticfossil]

THORNTON GREY, 2.5K TRIS & 256x TEX

Worldbuilding and cg autism under the cut

This is Thornton Grey, a character of mine I've had for around 15 years now. He's from a more or less retired worldbuilding universe of mine, waiting to be either recycled or refactored. Thornton is one of the dearest characters from that setting (and in all honesty, one of my dearest characters in general) and I tend to keep him in my current brain palette of little men to doodle in various formats.

I've been doing these early cd-3d (aka psx /ps1 etc) styled models for some of my OCs with hopes of eventually ?? learning godot. I guess. I need to get my worldbuilding out to the world so it become property of the grand creative consciousness, aka to affect people with my art the same way people affected me.

The tri count is higher than many people tend to target for this style and i'll probably improve that over time as I make various kinds of assets related to my worldbuilding, but eh who cares lol. The textures are photobashed stock images with details painted over and posterized in photoshop.

Here's some bonus 'march of progress' of my art of him over time.

Lore? Well, many of my characters start out with me being bored or annoyed by a specific trope in media, and he is no exception. He's a few things, but primarily he's my take on the 'little pinocchio robot boy/man who wishes he was a Real human'. Thornton's character addresses more so the preoccupations we as humans have to classify and categories types of people or non-people.

The universe, with the codename Redverse, is set approximately 1920s/1930s alt-earth america. He was child to a pair of grandmaster clocksmiths in the early 1800s whom could not have children of their own, and spent decades producing an analog AI composed of millions of intricate gears assembled with a small cube which composes his brain. He has a small boiler in his trunk that provides power for the various hydraulic systems within his limbs and keeps his brain's clockwork properly wound.

After caring for his elderly parents until their deaths, he took his father's trenchcoat and gun and traveled the country. (why is his gun a german luger? i don't know, i was like 17. it looks cool.)

Computers, robots, ai, etc, are not really a thing in this universe, granted the targeted vague time period. So he's generally regarded by others as an advanced automaton (he basically is.) and as a curiosity. He however has no qualms about being artificial in nature, as he sees it, he has all the makings of the average man -- has parents, has to eat (hard coal for his boiler), and can love. To view him as nonhuman baffles him, and his matter of fact attitude about the issue tends to win over many people he gets to know. Regarded mostly with respect for his kind and empathetic nature within the communities he spends any amount of time in, he's eventually pulled into the underworld of armed resistance forming against the increasing power of a fascist authoritarian regime that has quickly possessed control of the tumultuous american politics.

A tl;dr of this universe is "but what if AMERICA was the nazis". Very clever 17yo me. I'm sure you had a shock of your life when you grew up and learned about america's rancid role in world politics. Thus the retirement and possible refactoring -- I think it can be a compelling alt history universe if I actually learn more about how do to it properly, if i ever revive it. I'm not the first person to do it but maybe I can offer something interesting if at least for the setting of a noir style vibe game.

Anyway, Thornton becomes very involved. So involved, in fact, he becomes essentially the poster child of the resistance movement. And is targeted for it.

Widely hailed as a martyr for his subsequent demise, the resistance movement gets his hands on his thankfully intact head and revive him the best they can. He is unfortunately damaged, and upon revival, starts channeling visions from beyond.

And that is about as far as I got with his story. Perhaps you will see more of him in the future.

[wasteland-nora]

speak on sadist arcade gannon 🗣️

I WILL SPEAK THANK YOU!

arcade is such a fun character. i’m going to start off with a little bit of how i view him, and then go into more of the original post!

arcade is often written as he portrays himself, asocial and boring. or worse, he’s made to be this anxious, unsure, annoying gay-man stereotype.

but arcade is smart, he’s witty, he enjoys snarky banter and cursing in latin. at the end of the day, arcade needs someone who can keep up with him. someone who can get those gears turning in his brain. arcade values knowledge like no other.

there’s always something to be learned, even with a low int. courier. (my original post was a joke about this, he’s a sadist and following around an idiot in a post apocalyptic wasteland would definitely scratch that itch.)

however, no source of intimacy in his day to day life turned into learning as much as he can. he enjoys books on topics that are redundant to the world he lives in, because it makes him feel important.

being a person of medicine, he knows his way around sharp objects, he’s used to cutting clothes, he’s able to perform basic first aid. (…more on this in a minute.) arcade knows his way around the human body.

arcade was an only child, raised around enclave remnants can only offer so much. and while he hates to use the word lonely (“alone and lonely are two very different things, thank you.” he’d say.) he is clearly starved.

for attention and touch, on a level that means something more to him. i think one of arcade’s strongest points is his friendship with julie, there’s no doubt in my mind he loves her, that he values their bond. but she can’t offer what he’s looking for in this regard, and that’s okay.

arcade craves connection. he deflects anytime the subject is himself, because to him there’s safety in isolation. he’s met “several good men” in his life, but none of them stuck around. for how much he craves that connection, he doesn’t know how to do it. showing versus telling. arcade is honeyed words, but faraway in his actions. until six.

and it’s not that he wants to hurt, or own his partner, no. arcade hates the idea that someone could “belong” to him, HOWEVER; the idea of consuming someone is… special. arcade wants his and his partner’s heart on a silver platter so they can dine together.

i’m going to go through two different scenarios, but each have their own flavour of dialogue.

"I've got more experience dealing with egregious injuries than you think. I could fucking rip you apart, and put you back together again. I could even make that hurt, if you wanted. Do you understand me?"

in this excerpt, as composed as arcade is, he’s frantic. perhaps six is a self sacrificing idiot, consistently putting himself in harms way because he wants to protect his friends, arcade specifically. to arcade, he might as well be doing the damage himself. six gets cut pushing arcade out of the way? arcade can feel the knife in his hand. in this version, i picture arcade’s sadism is more emotionally charged/based.

"I've got more experience dealing with iniquitous injuries than you think. I could rip you apart, and put you back together again. I could make it all hurt. Do you understand me?"

this is the same idea, but a completely different tone. this time he’s offering, most likely based on an observation he’s already made of six’s self sacrificing behaviour. six wants a brush of death? arcade can offer that without a (serious) risk.

the change from ‘egregious’ to ‘iniquitous’ tells that the injuries go from generally bad to morally wrong. both are things he’s adept in. medicine or sadism.

all this being said, some fun ideas to consider. (nsfw!)

i want an arcade gannon who will cut through six’s last pair of pants without any remorse, maybe even a low chuckle.

featherlight touches with a scalpel or the carving knife he uses for cacti. dragging it down their tummy, down to their thighs.

an arcade who has a mean backhand, who then takes six’s chin in his hand and gives his head a shake like he’s a bad puppy.

an arcade who has six sit in his lap for hours as he works, laughs when they cry about wanting more.

arcade who will bite, arcade who scratches his partner’s hips.

arcade who lets six sit under his desk, pressing his foot to six’s cock as they suck him off.

[lady-harrowhark]

Hello! I saw you mention that Pyrrha remembers pre-resurrection, and I totally missed that!! Do you have any theories as to why?

I have a few thoughts!

Just for context - because I didn't catch that on my first read either until I started going back through! - there are a few instances that seem to suggest Pyrrha remembers at least some of her life pre-Resurrection. Off the top of my head, I know there's one point where she refers to G1deon as G--, just like John does. Nona also says that Pyrrha calls her "Hairy Maclary", which is referring to a series of children's books by a New Zealand author. Here's a link to a picture and some info about Hairy Maclary... I can definitely understand why Pyrrha would call Nona that lol. This one's super interesting to me in that it's such a fantastic example of the way Tamsyn uses memes and references so skillfully! In the previous books, most of the references are fairly organic in that they're things that could conceivably be, you know, just things the characters say; the readers catch it (if they also know the reference! otherwise they're fairly unobtrusive) but the characters themselves aren't intentionally making a reference. This would be the things like "You can't just ask someone why they want to be a Lyctor" and "a hunger that only thumbs could satisfy," etc. The exception, though, is John. The "none Houses with left grief" particularly is SO fun from an exposition perspective (but if I start on that one I'll never stop), and then of course we have Commander Wake Me Up Inside. The implication here being that John remembers these specific things and is intentionally making those references within the context of the story. Pulling that same expository trick with Pyrrha sets them up as both remembering... at least to some degree. The hints that we get from Pyrrha are such that it's pretty unclear to what extent she remembers, leaving a lot of room for juicy speculation :)

I initially touched on it over on this post where I rambled about names, memory, and the Eightfold Word, but I'm copying over the Pyrrha-specific paragraph so that you don't have to dig for it:

When assisting with Harrow’s lobotomy, Ianthe tells her, “If you push your brain too hard, any surgery could simply heal over.” And in NtN, Pyrrha tells Palamedes, “You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid... When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable... The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn’t mind being trepanned on the regular.” I don’t know exactly where the threshold is for pushing one’s brain too hard, but I suspect frequently draining and replacing one’s brain fluid is in that ballpark. Which is to say, it’s very possible that Mercy and Pyrrha (and potentially others) could have healed over from anything John had done to their brains.

Also, I don't know why this didn't occur to me as I was writing up that other post, but when Pyrrha's telling Palamedes about how dangerous their uhhhhh living arrangements are, and how they're risking brain damage... Pyrrha and G1deon were operating under somewhat similar circumstances for thousands of years. Cumulatively, it's possible that G1deon's brain was racking up damage that eventually eroded away whatever John had done. Another thought is that maybe the fact that G1deon died and Pyrrha didn't is at play here.

It could very well be less dramatic than that, though. We don't know much about how Lyctorhood impacts the brain, although to be completely fair, we also can't say for certain how a typical human brain would function after ten thousand years of runtime either. Our brains are constantly wiring new neural pathways and rewiring and revising old ones. After thousands of years, might we be reaching a Ship of Theseus situation with regard to the neural circuitry impacting pre-Res memories? Which is a fancy way of saying, "Maybe it wore off."

It could be all of the above, too. Assuming that Lyctor brains retain plasticity like we see in typical human brains (and I'm not letting myself think too hard on implications either way, because in sci-fi/fantasy make-believe land, neuroscience can be whatever you want it to be), we'd probably see that effect happening with the other Lyctors at roughly the same rate, but at least as far as we can tell (and that wording is intentional because I'm not taking anything off the table with this series), the others don't seem to remember. So that might be contributing, but not sufficient on its own. BUT perhaps ten thousand years of rewiring PLUS ten thousand years of cohabitation PLUS however long of being "trepanned on the regular" PLUS G1deon dying might override John's meddling.

We've still got so many open questions here regardless of what the specific mechanisms are. Like, I'd love to know when Pyrrha started to remember exactly. And did G1deon remember anything, then? It seems like he was Straight Up Not Having a Good Time so if he did remember, he might not have been relying on those memories much. Whatever's going on, I'm sure it's just as bonkers as the rest of the series!

[museofthepyre]

Did a fun Q&A thing on insta about my ocs, here are the highlights, lore and shit! For context I am writing this into a horror-ish book as we speak. Brewing my dastardly schemes (gay tragedy).

Q: Is Eden also a cannibal?

A: Eden isn't a cannibal in the way Harlow is. I mean he eats people but only because Harlow's cooking is too good to turn down /hj. Eden's thing is... kinda the opposite.

He's slowly being consumed by the rot that's festering within him, a manifestation of hatred and shame. To him love is consumption, and he is inedible. Insert vulture metaphor here w Harlow. For every rotting corpse there is a very greatful vulture who will look past the decay, and see your worth. Eden is ultimately finished off by something that loves him, a consumptive love, unconditional and indiscriminate.

Q: ABOUT THE ROT, HOW DOES IT WORK? HOW IS IT AFFECTING HIM??

A: This rot is really the only story element that isn't totally grounded in reality. It's an illness that's a manifestation of his self hatred/ repression/ internalized shame- not an actual condition.

It appears at first like it just affects his chest- but it’s been slowly burrowing deep into his body. Its spreading like roots/ mycillium through his flesh and will finish him off in one foul swoop once it's finished spreading.

In the meantime, it manifests like a chronic illness- his muscles are all atrophied and he feels constantly drained of life. It's taking small pieces of flesh to sustain itself while it spreads (the chest cavity is the result of that-though the REAL damage is invisible. It's the ticking time bomb roots beneath the seemingly unaffected surface). It functions like a slow acting Chronic Wasting Disease (aka zombie deer disease, humans can't get it in reality, but it was the inspiration)

Q: What happened when Harlow discovered Eden was a guy

A: Eden is trans, and closeted in his life. Harlow is the first person he ever discusses his truth with.

At first, Harlow was just kinda... confused? Transness is not a concept he was familiar with. At ALL. The idea alone was completely unheard of to him. Again this is the Bible Belt in the 8os, the area so rarely encountered visible transness- trans people existed of course, but so many stayed hidden to survive. The roaring tre of bigotry did not have much tuel in that regard... no trans people to propagandize against. It was not on the public's vitriolic radar. In that way, Harlow hadn't developed the knee-jerk reaction of hatred... he was more fascinated than anything, but it did challenge him to understand at first.

Unlike his journey with accepting homosexuality this was not so much a task of unlearning as it was just... learning.

Also Eden's whole rotting thing adds another layer to this Harlow is stupid and takes everything VERY literally- he thought Eden's condition must be divinely brought.

Harlow saw a gift from God, a rare flower planted in inhospitable soil, wilting before it ever got the chance to bloom. Like the angels sent to Sodom and Gamorrah in human disguises, to test the townspeople's virtue. To present them with something foreign yet beautiful, to judge their inherent goodness based on how they treat it. Like in the biblical story, the townspeople were so vile and inhospitable that it endangered the angels and forced them to leave, burning down the town behind them. Harlow saw this as prophecy. He was eager to get to the “burning down the town” part.

Part of my motivation for incorporating that specific biblical story is SPITE btw since so many people use it to justify homophobia. Reverse uno idiots. I'm putting you in my GAY BOOK as a metaphor for hateful queerphobic societies.HA!

Q: Describe the rot in Eden's chest in sensory detail (texture smell “cause" etc) I want rot details!!

A: I used CWD and necrotizing fasciitis as building blocks for this thing... starts in the brain, spreads like roots through the body, eating away at muscle and skin as it does. Once it's fully spread, it'd rapidly worsten and bring death within a matter of hours.

In the meantime it sustains itself off of non-fatal bits of flesh (his chest here, since it's a manifestation of self hatred and all, and dysphoria is a bitch). It is an open wound so it'd feel scabby and it is perpetually weeping... which is how Harlow finds out about it so quickly (seeps through white nightgown after being left unbandaged for a few nights). He would also have to take care to hide the smell of decay

It advances throughout the story and by the end there's barely any soft tissue left on his chest, nothing alive anyways. The final overtake begins, and his organs enter the early stages of consumption (which happens very rapidly in one foul swoop). That's when they decide it's time for boy dinner!

Q: How smart are they

A: GREAT QUESTION! HARLOW IS FUCKING STUPID. LIKE not only does he lack emotional intelligence entirely, but he's also very impulsive and reckless. The ONLY reason he's getting away with his murders is because the society around him has shot itself in the foot with its homophobia. Noooobody is suspicious of him for the string of missing attractive dudes. They're looking for a "vengeful woman" profile, or possibly a "debt collector with many social connections" or something. Not some solitary redneck who barely shows his face in town and is very polite and quiet when he does. He appears, in all respects, like a normal guy in public.

Once they have mutual blackmail (and also start caring about each other)... Eden realizes that if Harlow gets caught, he's fucked too. So partially for the sake of self-preservation, and... partially out of pity for this stupid stupid man... Eden starts to help him cover up.

Harlow is pretty disillusioned as to how society functions as a whole, since he grew up pretty far from it. Eden is the opposite, he was suffocated by it and learned how to be sneaky as a result. Eden is very good at getting people to trust him, he's good at lying, he's good at acting. Thing is, he's overly trusting to his own detriment. He's desperate for genuine connection and easily deceived himself. He's bad at reading people.

Q: What happened to Harlow's mom?

A: Harlow's mother died due to complications during childbirth. He never had a maternal figure in his life, he was raised as an only child by his father, who had become calloused and would never remarry. Harlow dropped out of high school and kept to himself at his house/ in nature after that very isolated from society. Considering all this... he not only lacked a maternal figure, but any female influence... at all. Which manifested as this warped and idolized understanding of women as a whole

He thought of women in a very high and almost mystified regard- like how a child would imagine a mythical creature. One massive blank filled in by a clueless imagination. He respected them greatly, he feared them like gods, and he felt a need to repent to them as such. He never properly processed the guilt he felt over his mothers death-largely thanks to his father's handling of it. This guilt left him feeling indebted, like he owed the world for what he “took", like if he ever so much as inconvenienced another woman it would be an irredeemable sin.

This all sounds like it comes from a good place, but it's really all just deluded naivety this is not a positive trait of Harlow's. It contributed a lot to his toxic masculinity, the pressure he put on himself to "be a man", etc.

He's not a white knight, he's a cowardly dog.

This is why he didn't just kill Eden on the spot after being caught, he needed to make sure...)

MORE TO COME IM SURE I LOVE GETTING QUESTIONS ABOUT THESE FREAKS IF ANYONE HERE HAS ANY

[beehawk4]

hi hiiii i havent been here in like months. anyway im super stoked about Limbus Company showing teasers of Der Freitschütz ID for Outis and for fun i decided to make a guess on what her sin resonances (and the specific skills they're for) might be

anyway! just as a foreword, this is based off of lu-is-not-okay's sin analysis guide. very interesting read, does provide a connection between the explanations ill give and the sin resonances i propose. ill also include a paraphrased explanation of the relevant sins, but if you want a more indepth explanation the link is below

Skill 1 -- Lust

Lust is when you let yourself be guided by your own desires and whims, i.e. forgoing any discipline, long-term goals, etc. to solely fulfill your own instincts and wants. Der Freitschütz as an abno fits this description very well; he does not act on any kind of moral compass, but rather whatever he feels like doing at the time. This is supported by his lore entry in Lobotomy Corporation:

"... With the last bullet gone for good, the hunter traveled to numerous worlds. Sometimes he helped those in need or fought evil, but it was all done on impulse, not a gesture of goodwill or ideals. In one world, he was called a righteous hunter, while in another, he was a bloodstained gunman.. ..."

He is guided by nothing but his own personal whims. He has no moral, external, or societal obligations.

Skill 2 -- Envy

Envy is defined by its requirement of an external stimuli -- a reaction to something done by someone else. Envy implies jealousy or vengeance, but those aspects are not necessary for the sin of Envy -- rather, the key necessity is that a person is being influenced or prompted by something else.

For this Outis ID, she is being prompted by the Manager. Whatever orders she is given, she will follow to the ends of the earth. If the Manager tells her to fire at something, whether its a Green Dawn ordeal, an Agent in the Security Team, or an ALEPH abnormality breaching containment, she WILL shoot it.

"Should the Manager order me to fire... the bullet will penetrate the target. Wherever it is, whichever it is, or whoever it is."

In this regard, she is under total control of the Manager; she does nothing without explicit orders from the Manager, i.e. only acts when prompted to.

Skill 3 -- Pride

Pride is to ignore consequences, whether that is due to the belief that the pros of doing something outweigh the cons or simply flatout refusing to acknowledge the potential harm your actions may bring. It's not necessarily tied to selfishness or overconfidence -- while sacrificing others to benefit yourself is Prideful, so too is making a personal sacrifice to benefit others. Both ways, you are ignoring the ramifications that you or others may experience, out of the belief that it's worth the cost (or ignoring the harm the latter may bring you).

For this ID, this sin is rather intricately tied with Envy, so much so that I had a bit of a rough time determining which Sin should go to which skill. See, in Outis's case, the consequence she is ignoring is the possibility of harming or even killing her coworkers, due to the way her E.G.O. gear works. (FYI, in the original Lobotomy Corporation game, Der Freitschütz's E.G.O. weapon dealt very high damage and had infinite pierce, but also damaged other Agents and Clerks in its line of fire.)

This is where Envy and Pride mix together -- it doesn't matter to her if she kills other Agents or Clerks (Pride), so long as she fulfills her orders (Envy).

"Even... the loved ones."

Adding more for Pride, Outis doesn't acknowledge the harm she brings to her fellow coworkers at all, instead adopting an "at all costs" attitude towards her directives. To her, the "benefit" of completing the Manager's request far outweighs the potential costs of hurting / killing her coworkers.

It's also just woven into the abnormality itself. Der Freitschütz, in the pursuit of his own whims, doesn't acknowledge the harm or aid he brings to other people. He gains various reputations on multiple worlds, being a "righteous gunman" in some and a "bloodstained hunter" in others, but nothing suggests that he cares about his notoriety, or about the consequences of his actions in general.

"The marksman, now a devil himself, continues to pull the trigger to gather the souls of others."

Again, he acts only on his own whims, caring not for the consequences that come after, or for any reasons beside his transient desires.

...

sorry if this is messy or hard to understand its like 5 am for me. anyway der freitschutz is one of my fav abnos and it was fun to theorycraft for the first time in a while. fingers crossed that im right 🤞🤞🤞

[arminreindl]

Trilophosuchus

Happy to say that I wrapped up another deepdive into extinct crocs, this time with Trilophosuchus rackhami.

Not sure if I brought it up last time I talked about Mekosuchus, but Trilophosuchus is a pretty similar animal in many regards, being a dwarf species from the Cenozoic of Australia known from limited remains.

The difference being that Trilophosuchus, though not having hundreds of isolated bones, has 1 really complete skull with comparably minimal damage.

Based on this a lot can be determined already. It was very small (estimates suggest between 70 to 90cm for an adult), its skull was body and robust with big eyes and it had three unique crests that ran along its skulltable. It's in fact so well preserved that scans revealed exceptional detail of the brain shape, more on that later.

Second photo by Jorgo Ristevski

Where things get really interesting is the ecology and lifestyle. I mention it in the Mekosuchus post, but generally, these dwarf mekosuchines are assumed to have been more terrestrial than many of today's crocodiles. Their skulls in particular invite comparisson with today's dwarf crocodiles and dwarf caimans, rainforest dwellers that are not as water bound as the big, semi-aquatic ambush hunters. But Trilophosuchus takes this further, or at least it's thought that it did.

The muscule attachments around the skull for example indicate that Trilophosuchus naturally held its head decently high, which has been compared to the posture taken by modern caimans when basking. Furthermore, the muscles show clear differences in how it must have moved its head when feeding. Modern crocodiles have strong obliquus capitis magnus muscle, which are basically used in order to overcome water resistence when moving their heads side to side. Since this muscle is far less developed in Trilophosuchus, its reasonable to assume it didn't have to put up with water resistance as much. The muscles responsible for maintaining momentum once it starts shaking its head are well developed tho.

The brain is also of interest. The overall shape of the brain resembles that of the famous terrestrial notosuchian Araripesuchus, and the different elements of the brain can be compared to baurusuchids and sphenosuchians in their proportions. And finally, the skull is seemingly filled with air pockets, more than are seen in even todays dwarf crocodiles, though not quite as many as in notosuchians.

Trilophosuchus lived some 20 million years ago in Queensland, which at the time housed a highly diverse crocodile fauna. This included the large and robust Baru (tackling that one soon) which was a semi-aquatic ambush hunter, and the small Mekosuchus. There is still some mystery as to how these two dwarf species, both being relatively terrestrial, could have coexisted, but given we know very little still there is a myriad of possibilities. Images by Willis, Murray and Megirian (1990) and Scanlon (2014)

Something that needs to be pointed out tho, because this is still being believed by some. No, Trilophosuchus was NOT arboreal either. I go into the specifics of that for Mekosuchus on my Mekosuchus post, but the same applies for Trilophosuchus. Sorry, it's a bummer but it needed to be said.

Trilophosuchus definitely had a lot more written on it than many other things I covered before, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be built upon. Here the before and after as well as a link to the finished article.

Trilophosuchus - Wikipedia

[cunningweiner]

Regarding your petition for hcs.. bc I can't sleep, my personal hcs

Randy: After defeating the sorcerer the Nomicon calling him the "Last Ninja" He is the last one in the chain (making reference to the symbol in his shirt)

(A little non sense considering the 9 chapter thingy but ok)

He constantly forgets to covers up bruises and no one thinks anything weird because he has the fame of being kind-of adventurous (and stupid)

He makes up stories when someone asks him about them and recycles them. Sometimes when someone points out they already heard that, he convinces them into thinking they did not (art of manipulation nomicon lesson when)

His notebooks are full of doodles and drawings of lessons the nomicons gives him, and they're messy af

Has scars from fights that didn't end to well

He knows Japanese thanks to the Nomicon

He settled for having only one friend so his social skills are terrible.

Messy guy overall

Howard: Knows facts about everything, but not to the point of being an expert.

Knows how to read people (body language and expressions) ESPECIALLY Randy, he knows every habit of his, he knows him pretty well.

Has lots of "proyects" started none of them finished.

Has a scar on his back from the thengu incident (representing the wings)

He is never alone, let it be with his family or with Randy but he always has someone beside him, that's one of the reasons why he's has issues with being alone (it's weird for him) he feels bad when Randy tells him it's not a big deal (Randy's absent parents hc sorry for this)

Theresa: lots of friend groups but she doesn't feel like she belongs anywhere

Baby bat (interested in goth)

YES TYTYTY sorry for the slow response but okok here we go

I also kind of thought of him as the last ninja (lowkey disregarding secrets of the nine💀) but I got a different ask with some really interesting points so I’m kinda torn lol

Scars-having Randy is soso real to me. Also YES about him forgetting what he said and gaslighting people. That boy has so much brain damage I know it KNFHD

Him keeping a notebook full of the doodle lessons from the nomicon is sooooo good. Also him learning Japanese from it????? 10/10. I hc him as part Japanese but I don’t think he was taught any growing up (true wasian experience tbh) and I think he was really happy to learn

Howard is suchhhh a socialite but nobody ever talks about it??? He makes friends so easily (even if he doesn’t like them) and is super well received in crowd situations. I’ll write up a seperate post about that soon I think lmao. Anyway I love that Randy is the socially awkward one of the two. I think he would never make any other friends if Howard didn’t introduce him lmao

Smart Howard is so dear to me and I think he’s definitely the type of guy to know at least surface level about literally everything. Like that one Dan Vs clip about knowing who carved Mt Rushmore but not what state it’s in

I have a Whole Thing about Tengu Howard that I’ll write up/draw soon and the wing scars are going in immediately. I think I’m just a sucker for those scars specifically I’ll never turn them down on anyone

Yes you’re so correct about his isolation issues being purely from circumstance. I think he has a huuuuge family so he’s never really by himself but Randy is an only child with only child parents so he’s Always alone when he’s not with Howard. Absent Cunningham parent are real to me - would love for them not to be but he gets away with so much shit there’s no way they pay that much attention

I’m not really a big Theresa fan in general (she’s just a little boring imo but I know they would have developed her more if they had the time to :,( )but her being a baby bat is so good. I think Julian shows her his music and they share cassettes (they’re edgy like that). I think also I just want to see the members of the Klub interact more