#this is specifically aimed at people who think 'femmephobia' is when trans men are masculine

[nothorses]

honestly though part of what is so exhausting about the "femme vs. masc transmascs" debate is that like... I have had multiple people in my life emphasize my relationship to masculinity as a justification to abuse me, and as a way of arguing that they can't abuse me.

when I got angry with my mom for her mistreatment of me, she would sit me down and talk to me about how I must have some kind of hormonal imbalance, maybe my testosterone was too high, because I was so aggressive and angry all the time- and so masculine, in all the ways she didn't want me to be.

when my ex-girlfriend and I got into arguments, and she talked me in circles until we concluded that She Was Right And I Was Wrong, the way she "explained" the situation was by emphasizing how masculine I was, and how feminine she was. I was just so strong, and opinionated, and loud, and aggressive, and my relative closeness to masculinity meant that it was only natural that I would be angry and violent and out-of-control, too. I just needed to be more like her: weak, soft, feminine, and silent. Incapable of doing harm.

and this was pre-transition! this was before I even knew I was a trans man!

so when people argue to me that Masc Trans Men Are Oppressing The Femmes, I just want to scream.

don't get me wrong here: femme transmascs have equally shitty, different experiences with their identities being erased and called into question because of their presentation, and it is just as harmful and just as much of a problem. it deserves equal acknowledgement, and we need to work to dismantle it.

transmascs can't win here; there's no better option between the two.

just... for the love of god can we stop having these conversations that boil down to "actually masc transmascs are Privileged and Never Struggle" because, fun fact! it's just a new coat of paint on the "trans men transition to gain male privilege" bullshit, and it's no more legitimate this time than it is when the TERFs do it.