#this is such an excellent idea for Matt to mess with everyone

[trinket-buddy]

It won't happen, but part of me wants Matt's Narrative Telephone to contain either every member of M9 or VM.

That would be fantastic! Have a Narrative Telephone where VM are sitting around drinking with Gilmore trying to tell him what happened to them, but they’re all interrupting each other to get it “right”. That would really mess with everyone having to change voices, and remembering who said what.

[hockeyboysiguess]

Jerseys and Dumplings

a/n: some good old friends to lovers Tkachuk for your Thursday!

warnings: swearing

word count: 6.3K

You yanked the restaurant door open harder than you’d meant to, but you were in a rush. A last minute assignment had kept you at work later than you’d planned, much later than you’d planned, and you were running later than would ever be considered fashionably late by anyone who made insane amounts of money to recite a bunch of shitty dialogue to a camera. You pulled at the bottom of your skirt to adjust it as you walked through the door before giving up. Your skirt was definitely crooked, your hair was definitely a mess, but your mother’s words played over in your head, “It’s never the job of a successful, powerful to look a particular way. Success is messy. Own the messy.”

“Hi, sorry,” you whisper-yelled to the hostess. “Uh, Hanifin? Pretty sure everyone else is already here.”

“Right this way.”

She was clearly unimpressed with your disheveled appearance and your tardiness as she looked you over from top to bottom from over the top of her glasses. You pushed thoughts of her and work out of your head to focus the evening. Meeting your best friend’s boyfriend was a hit-miss experience with Tessa as your best friend. She alternated between introducing you to immature, outrageous guys who were all about having a good time who always ended up cheating on her or guys who were basically the human equivalent of a completely dried builder-grade beige wall. This one was apparently some moderately famous hockey player, which automatically had you leaning him in the first column, but she pleaded with you to reserve judgment until you met him tonight. You were desperate for her to finally date a guy that was somewhere on the middle of her two extremes. She always countered by saying she wanted you to go on a date, any date. You brushed her off every time, telling her you were focusing on your career and yourself.

“There you are!” Tessa shouted, bumping the table harshly as she stood up to great you. “I started to think you forgot about us.”

“Sorry, babes,” you sighed as you let her pull you in for a quick hug. “I-”

“Got caught up at the office.”

You pulled back from her and glared at her. Tessa saying the words that all too frequently left your lips was just a little passive aggressive, usually your specialty. You rolled your eyes at her and she giggled before reaching out to the guy next to her to pull him to his feet.

“This,” she wrapped her hands around his forearm in a sort of death grip, “is Noah. Noah, this is the ever-discussed best friend slash somehow roommate even though I see her more out to lunch than I do in our apartment.”

“Thanks, Tess,” you mumbled. Noah offered his arms out to you gingerly and you accepted a soft hug. “Nice to meet you, Noah.”

“Really nice to finally meet you,” he smiled softly as you took your seats.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind.” The sing-song tone in Tessa’s voice drew a groan from you because you knew what was going to come next. “Stop it! Anyway, Noah brought one of his teammates along, so you weren’t third wheeling.”

“Is he invisible?” you asked with a wave of your hand to the empty seat next to you.

“Just in the bathroom, actually.”

You turned your head and were greeted with a bright, toothy grin and mop of curly hair. The restaurant was dark, but you could tell he had a beautiful pair of baby blues to go with his dimples and sharp jawline. Tessa has clearly hand-picked this one out of the Flames line up for you. He was exactly your type. You watched as his light eyes broke contact with yours and gave you a quick once look over, lingering almost indiscernibly at your chest and your hips.

“I’m Matthew,” he said, his smile starting on a slippery slope to a smirk as he sat down next to you.

You debated calling him out for checking you out, but Tessa rapped her foot on your shin, letting you know she was ready and waiting to give you a swift kick if she didn’t like how you were acting. People thought Tessa was soft. You thought people shouldn’t underestimate Tessa, so you swallowed your comeback and introduced yourself instead. Matthew gave you a quick nod, his broken curls bouncing with the sudden movement. A smile began to pull at the corners of your lips against your will and something in your chest told you he was going to be trouble if you let him be, so you resolved not to let him be. You watched his attention shift to the couple across the table and his face scrunch up in disgust. Noah and Tessa were seeming trying to figure out if it was possible for two people to become one via their open mouths pressed against each other.

“Come on, guys,” Matthew whined as one of his hands came down roughly on the tabletop, causing the silverware to click together loudly. Noah and Tessa separated at the sound, not at Matthew’s words. “The single folks don’t even have drinks yet. Can you save the foreplay until we at least have some alcohol in us?” 

“Seriously,” you joined in. If Tessa was going to set you up against your will, at least it was with someone that hated Tessa’s fondness for wild amounts of PDA as much as you did. “Please keep all tongues, hands, and arms in your own seats tonight.”

“Genitals should remain their not upright and locked positions” Matthew added. Tess blushed at his words, causing Matthew to turn his head towards you. He cocked his head to the side, a mischievous look dancing in his eyes and pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Too much?” 

You answered by continuing, “Excellent addition, fellow date attendant. Fasten your seatbelts as we expect there might be some turbulence on tonight’s date.” 

“Turbulence?” Tessa asked, her voice a solid octave and a half higher than normal and her eyebrows raised, daring you to continue. 

“Oh yes, turbulence,” Matthew cut in. “So, Tessa, where did you grow up?”

“I’m sorry, I’m back on turbulence,” Noah jumped in verbally and physically, a hand raised across the table. 

“We,” you informed him, gesturing between Matthew and yourself, “are the turbulence.”

“Yes, thank you, good blind date I didn’t ask for,” Matthew nodded to you, curling bouncing again in a way that made you have to bite your lip to avoid smiling like a schoolgirl with a new crush. “You both worked together to set us up tonight, unasked for based on just how fed up my fellow date attendant seemed by my very presence. Esteemed co-worker, can you confirm, for the record, that you did not ask for this set up and that you’re just as tired as I am of your friends across the table setting you up with people?” 

Matthew grabbed a breadstick from the basket in one fist and presented it to you like a microphone. You laughed softly, making an out of character smile crack across Matthew’s face before you both pulled yourself back into the accidental routine you’d created. 

“Yes, yes, Matthew. I can confirm I was not made aware of your presence tonight and I have not asked Tessa to set me up with anyone at this time,” you replied seriously, putting on your best politician impression. 

“You sounded like you were doing an impression of Tina Fey doing her Sarah Palin impression from SNL,” Matthew laughed at you. He couldn’t stop smiling as he turned his attention to your friends who had no idea what monster they’d created tonight. “As my good colleague Sarah Palin just said, neither one of us asked to be here. So now, we’re teaming up to see if we really approve of this union or not. So, I repeat. Tessa, where are you from?” 

The evening was filled with you and Matthew teaming up to flip the script on your friends. You grilled Noah, with Matt’s support, and you offered some direction to his probing questions for Tessa. They took in stride though and you realized somehow, some way beyond your understanding, Tessa had fallen into a good relationship for the first time since you knew her. 

Just after making a two-bite dent into your incredible dessert, Tessa pulled you to the bathroom with her, the classic story of girls never being able to pee alone floating at the excuse. When you left the stall, you were greeted by Tessa, arms across her chest, one foot tapping on the ground, and wry smile on her face. 

“So, things seem to be going well with Matthew,” she said with a smirk and a soft nod. “Figured it would be sink or swim but didn’t think it would go quite this.” 

“Oh, shut up,” you groaned as you turned on the water for the sink to start scrubbing your hands, “we’re just being friendly.”

“Are you kidding me?” she practically shouts at you. “He literally has not taken his eyes off you once all night. He’s so into you!”

“Tess, stop,” you told her with a sigh as you shut off the water. You grabbed a couple of paper towels before spinning on your heels to face her. “Seriously, Tess, he’s not into me. We’re just getting along as friends, okay? Be happy this didn’t blow up in your face for the first time.” 

“You cannot be serious right now,” Tessa whined. She reached for your arm as you tossed the paper towels away, pulling your attention back to her. She bounced on her heels a little and gave you the most frustrated look she could muster. “He is into you. Noah thinks so too. Just, can you just try? For me?” 

“I don’t want a relationship, Tess,” you replied curtly. “Why can’t you just accept that?” 

“He’s perfect for you!” Her frustration with you was growing with each word that she had to say as she tried to spell it out for you. “He’s your type. I know I nailed that one. I know you have to think he’s attractive, so you can’t lie to me. You have really similar senses of humor. He totally thinks you’re hot, which you are. Don’t you dare, that’s not up for debate. Come on, babes. Give Chucky a chance.” 

“Chucky is a murderous doll,” you retorted, skipping over everything else she’d said. “Look, Tess, can’t you just be happy I might have made a friend tonight? That’s growth for me right there.”

“But he wants to be your special friend!” she insisted, bouncing on her heels again. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the image presented by her bouncing and her words. She was channeling herself at age six for sure, an age you didn’t know Tessa at, but from the stories her brothers and mother told you, you were kind of happy you didn’t know her at. 

“Jesus, did you just say that?” you got out between laughs. You sighed as you pulled yourself together. It was time you both escaped the bathroom as the boys were bound to get suspicious soon. “Look, I’m just not really in the sort of place to put myself out there at all right now. If Matthew really does want this and he really does try, I’ll think about it for real, okay? Does that work for you?” 

She sighed and rolled her eyes before saying, “I mean, no, it doesn’t because he would totally give you the good dick right here in this bathroom and probably buy you brunch tomorrow if you actually showed the tiniest bit of actual interest in him, but, it’s the best you’re going to give me, so it’s fine.” 

Your desire to leave the bathroom and get back to your chocolate cake overwhelmed the desire to correct Tess. You pulled her back to the table with you, collapsing into your seat and immediately diving back into the dessert you’d been hearing call your name since you’d left the table five minutes ago.

“You’re murdering that cake,” Matthew noted. “It’s impressive, honestly. Where does the cake go?” 

“Hopefully out my pores tomorrow in the stupid hot yoga class Tess is dragging me too,” you replied, halting another bite on its way to your mouth just to answer. “I wanted to watch Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle as our new best friend activity for the month. Tessa wants to do hot yoga, so we’re doing hot yoga.” 

“So, you’re the boyfriend in this relationship?” Matthew joked, gesturing between you. 

You dropped your fork to your plate and reached for your almost empty drink instead before replying, “Gender roles are a completely unnecessary societal standard, Matthew, and they do not need to be enforced by heteronormative men who play an incredibly heteronormative sport. Who is the boyfriend and who is the girlfriend is unnecessarily gendered, especially considering I’m clearly the left chopstick and Tessa is the right. ” 

Matthew’s nose scrunched up when he laughed, a sight you were quickly growing used to over the evening, maybe even starting to like. He shook his head softly at you as he took a sip from his glass. 

“Says the girl who pitched to watch a bunch of trash Netflix dating reality shows that are all pretty heteronormative, right?” Matthew countered with a nod of his glass to you. 

“Garbage is not heteronormative,” you replied. “Trash TV is just trash TV, Matthew. Don’t read too much into it. I still haven’t gotten to watch any of it though.” 

“If you need someone to watch with, hit me up,” he told you. “I need an excuse to get drunk on a Wednesday night and sounds like it I would need to be incredibly drunk to watch any of that.” 

“So, this Wednesday then?”

—————

Standing in front of Matthew’s apartment door with a wide variety from your favorite Chinese takeout place in one hand and a six-pack from your favorite local brewery five days later, you were beginning to regret the life choices that led you to this particular moment. You didn’t have much time for the regret to sink in though before Matthew opened the door. 

“If there is something the resembles a dumpling in that bag, I will be your servant for the rest of your life,” was Matthew’s verbal greeting.

“You’re about to be my servant then, but it’ll be worth it. These are the best dumplings I’ve ever had,” you informed him as you pushed past him into his apartment to drop the bags and beer on the counter. You started pulling containers out of the bags as you continued, “I will say you should never Google this place. I’ve only ever ordered via Grubhub delivery before today. I did pick up and this place honestly looks like the architect was drunk and the builders forgot their glasses for the entire build and I’ve never been more horrified, but the dumplings are killer, so I’ve just decided to put it in a box and try to forget I ever saw where they originated.”

You heard a beer crack open beside you and Matthew’s large hand came into view as he set it in front of you. He was close to you, closer than you had thought he would be. You could feel his tall frame behind you, his loose t-shirt brushing against you as he set the beer by your hand. His arms brushed your softly, making your breath catch in your throat.

“Good brewery pick,” he complimented you, his lips near your ear as he spoke. “Also, if you give me food poisoning from your weird Chinese food place, I’m released from my servitude.”

“You know the word servitude?” you countered, trying to pull your mind out of the gutter it was sliding headfirst down with sarcasm and chirping him.

Matthew laughed lightly and shifted himself closer to you. He leaned into you, his chest gentling coming into contact with your back with each breath you took. His large hands gripped the edge of the counter on either side of you. He towered over you and you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering what it would feel like to let him bend you over this counter right here and now.

“Mm, I know a lot of things that might surprise you,” Matthew laughed in your ear.

He pulled back without warning and you released a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. Matthew shifted over to the opposite side of the counter, grabbing a beer and popping it open on his journey. He didn’t say another word before turning on his heels and heading toward the couch. Your brows furrowed as thoughts began to swirl and bleed together in your mind. Was that just all in your mind or was that nothing that your mind turned into something? You didn’t have time for something like this. The fact that you’d found time to have dinner with Matthew within two weeks of meeting him astounding given your inconsistent hours and his season. No, you didn’t want him to be flirting with you, you decided, so he wasn’t. You came over looking for a friend, so that’s what you were here for, the only thing you were here for.

“Hope you can use chopsticks,” you told him as you sat an overly full plate of food in front of him a few minutes later.

“I play hockey. I wasn’t raised in a barn,” he threw back at you, a joking smile on his lips.

“Okay, okay,” you laughed with a roll of your eyes.

Matthew tossed the remote as you with his free hand as he brought a dumpling to his mouth with the other, dropping the entire thing into his mouth in one go. You watched his eyes go wide as he bit down for the first time. He looked at you in disbelief as he chewed.

“Holy fuck me,” he told you through a full mouth. “I want to marry whoever made this.”

“Now,” you open Netflix on his TV, “you get me, Tkachuk.”

Matthew had already shoved another one in his mouth by the time Netflix loaded the first episode. Matthew was in food heaven, shoving dumpling after dumpling into his mouth. You laughed a little as his stuffed cheeks. He looked like a curly-headed chipmunk and you told him just that as you grabbed another container of dumplings out of the bag on the counter. He almost chirped you back, but when you dropped a full container in his lap, the chirp died before it had even fully formed.

“I think you’ve ruined dumplings for me from everywhere else in the world. Also, is that guy hot? I feel like they’re just trying to convince us he’s hot when he’s not.”

You were amazed he was able to pay any attention to the show with the speed at which he was consuming food. It was equal parts impressive and disgusting.

“He’s alright,” you shrugged as you reached for your beer. “Not my type. You’d be better off asking Tessa.”

Something you’d said finally beat out the interest of the dumplings. Matthew dropped the container to the table and skewered a dumpling with his chopsticks in exchange for a beer and turning his attention to him. He raised an eyebrow at you before he spoke.

“A type, huh? I wouldn’t happened to fit that type, would I?”

He took a sip as he watched you roll your eyes at him. He chuckled a little against the edge of his bottle at your response.

“Why would you think you would?” you countered, barely pulling yourself together in time to say something within an acceptable response time.

Matthew shrugged casually before replying, “Noah asked me specifically to come the other night and after meeting Tessa, I have a hard time believing she let Noah pick whoever he wanted since that was definitely a set up and blah, blah, blah, so I’m definitely your type, right?”

“Mm,” you hummed as you took a sip of your beer to try and disguise the anxiety his question had brought on. “My type is definitely guys who are obsessed with trying to be my type. It’s so sexy how much you need my validation right now.”

Matthew’s head fell back as he laughed, curls shifting back in tandem. His mouth opened wide as he laughed a full belly laugh at your words. One of his hands came to his stomach as his laughs became breathier and he slowly brought himself back down.

“You’re something else,” Matthew mumbled through a smile, beer on its way back to his lips and soft shake of his head with his words.

“I’m a goddamn goddess and you know it,” was all you had to say to get him laughing again.

—————

“Let’s fucking go, Calgary!” Tessa screamed next to you out of the blue, jumping to her feet as she shouted, making you and several other people around you jump a little in their seats.

“Jesus,” you sighed. “Tess, can you take it down a notch or eighteen, please?”

“It’s the Battle of Alberta, baby!” she shouted in response, a wide drunken grin on her face as she retook her seat next to you with a flop.

The referee blew the whistle, stopping play, and you pulled your attention back to the game with a soft smile on your face. You looked down the ice to see someone wearing a red and black jersey tangled up with a white and blue one. You craned you’re neck to try and see who it was, your breath catching in your throat at the idea it as Matthew. Your eyes were flying back and forth between the ice and the screen, trying to see a number or part of name to figure out if it was him or not. Your racing thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the glass in front of you. You were greeted with a smile that was slowly becoming more and more familiar, just with a mouth guard hanging between his teeth, and some curls peeking out from under a helmet.

Matthew waved at you with two gloved hands, his light blue eyes crinkling at the corners as he looked at you. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. You were relieved he was standing in front of you, a goofy smile on his face, rather than down the ice in that fight. At least the linesman has managed to break it up by now. Matthew’s eyes broke contact from you to give you a once over. He pinched his jersey between his gloved fingers and his eyebrows furrowed down as he looked at you

“Where’s your jersey?” he shouted, though you had to read his lips to actually understand him

You just put your hands out next to you, palms up, and shrugged with a slight pout sticking out your bottom lip. You didn’t own any Flames gear of any kind, certainly not the Tkachuk jersey he was probably looking for. He shook his head at you and glared a little, just to get a small laugh out of you, before he turned his attention back to the game.

“Look at your guy!” Tessa said way too loudly for how tender she’d said it, hands stacked over her heart. “He likes you so much.”

“We are just friends,” you countered firmly, which made Tessa frown.

“He likes you! Aren’t you going over to his place after the game? You should make a move,” she nudged you in the ribs with her elbow.

“I’m picking up exactly four containers of dumplings and we’re watching exactly two episodes of Love is Blind because we’re going to finish up the episodes before they go on vacation with their new fiancés, okay?” you told her. “That’s not exactly a hot date. Besides, I don’t want to make a move. I like him, as a friend.”

“Okay, whatever,” Tessa rolled her eyes at you. “You keep denying that I set you up with a good one until you can’t anymore. Chucky is so smitten with you, he’ll probably wait for you for a ridiculously long time, like rom-com style long time, babes.”

—————

It was your new routine. Well, it wasn’t regular enough to really be a routine. Matthew would text you when he felt like he hadn’t seen you recently enough and demand you show up that same day with dumplings and your sparkling personality. You had tried to deny him, push him off a day or two due to work, but he might be the only person you’d ever met more stubborn that you were. Over garbage television shows and Chinese food, you’d made an actual friend out of him and despite Tessa’s insisting that both of you wanted more.

“Oh, suck it!” Tessa shouted as the Bruins pulled out a last-minute OT goal against Edmonton. She hated the Bruins, but you were pretty sure the only thing Tessa hated more than your insistence that you didn’t want to date Matthew was Edmonton.

You sighed, realizing you’d lost the bet you’d made with her, even though you picked that Edmonton would win to piss her off. She was shouting and jumping up and down, trying to rub her win in your face, but a text cropping up on your phone was pulling your attention.

Tkachuk: pls get five orders of dumplings and bring them right over

You: worked hard today huh?

Tkachuk: you know I fucking did. See you in 30?

You smiled softly, catching Tessa’s attention in the middle of her winning tirade.

“Is that Chucky?” She was already leaning over you, trying to get a glimpse of your phone screen. “Are you ditching me for him again this evening?”

You glared up at her and tilted your phone back, hiding the screen from her view. She stated to glare back, but then her face softened as the corners of her mouth started to pull up. You caught a mischievous glint in her eyes start to form she spoke.

“Hey, the bet was that I get to pick your outfit next time you go out, right?” Tessa asked hesitantly.

“I mean, yeah, but your face is scaring me a little bit here,” you replied, concern for yourself dripping off each word.

“And out could just mean when you go to see Chucky in a few minutes, right?” Her excitement was beginning to leak out, but you couldn’t understand why. “Because since you’re leaving, that’s going out, right?”

“I mean, I guess- Tess, what are you getting at here?”

Tessa didn’t reply. She ran out of the living room, cursing as she banged her elbow on the corner as she turned into the hallway. You heard some rustling in her room, followed by another curse, before she came bounding back into the living room. She tossed something red at you, a borderline evil smile on her face as she did so. You grabbed the red garment. As soon as your fingers touched it, you had an idea of what it was based on the fabric and you groaned as you flipped the garment in your hands. You were greeted with Tkachuk in large bold letters when you looked at the back of the jersey.

“I’m not wearing that to Matthew’s apartment,” you whined, letting the jersey fall into your lap.

“Ah, yes you are. You lost the bet. You wear what I let you to wear,” she told you, waving off your complaints. “Besides, Chucky gave it to Noah to give to me to make sure you wore it to next game anyway. We’re just getting you in it earlier than he had in mind, that’s all.”

You sighed as you stood up to head to your room where you exchanged your comfortable, worn in sweatshirt for the new, crisp jersey. When the red fabric finally hung off your body, you turned and let out a groan when you saw his last name on your back. You knew he wasn’t going to let you live it down the entire time you were with him, but Tessa’s wrath was worse than Matthew’s chirping would ever be.

Tessa was laughing as soon as she caught site of the red fabric, but you didn’t give her much time to feel satisfied with her handiwork. You grabbed your wallet, keys, and phone and headed out the front door. You paused as you sat in the driver’s seat of your car. Tessa had said Matthew wanted you to have the jersey to wear to the next game you went to, but why was he insistent enough to get Noah to give Tessa one of his jerseys? Why didn’t he just give it to you himself? 

You tried to analyze the gesture as you waited in line at the restaurant. You’d taken to just coming in for pick up since you’d been unsuccessful in forgetting just how terrifying seeing this place for the first time was. You never called ahead anymore. You just showed up and the chef knew to start making dumplings for you. They were ready when you got to the counter to order, so you paid, grabbed your food, and returned to your car quickly. You decided the gesture was probably nothing, just Matthew being odd per usual, and tried to force the thought out of your mind as you drove over to his place. 

The thought hung around as you parked in his spare parking spot. The parking pass had gone from being loaned out to every guest to living in your car after the fifth dumpling and trash television visit. He said you were his most regular visitor and he was tired of having to leave to put it in your car for you since you always argued that you’d brought him food, so it was the least he could do. Your mind was racing, trying to figure out if all of it added up to something, or if you were adding up things that didn’t really exist to get to an answer that definitely didn’t. 

You only got one knock in before Matthew opened the door. He moaned when he saw the bag in your arms. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, his eyes trained on the brown paper bag his hands were reaching for the entire time he spoke like a prayer had been answered.

You laughed at him and let him take the bag from your arms before following him inside. He dropped the bag on the counter and began grabbing containers and chopsticks while you kicked off your shoes. You let out a long sigh as you prepared yourself for the chirps that were bound to come when you took your coat off and the jersey was finally in his line of site. You chewed your bottom lip between your teeth as you spun around to face him. 

Matthew was frozen in place, a partially opened to-go container on the counter in front of him and chopsticks about to be ripped apart in his hands. His eyes were trained on the flaming logo on the front. 

“Tessa made me wear it,” you admitted quickly. “I lost a bet and she made me wear it.”

Matthew slowly put the chopsticks down and one of his hands came up to his mouth. His hand was on his chin, thumb crossing his lips as he shifted his weight to his other hand braced against the counter’s edge. His light eyes were darker than you were used to as they scanned up and down your body. They came to rest on the number partially visible on the shoulder. He moved his hand from his face to hovering in front of him with his index finger outstretched. Slowly, his index finger began to make small circles as he looked at you. 

“Oh, you’re rubbing this in now,” you huffed, hands going to your hips. 

Matthew just shook his head softly before he swallowed hard, then said one word, “Spin.” 

You sighed, knowing he wanted the full picture for future ammunition, but you wouldn’t get to enjoy your food until you gave him what he asked you. You slowly let your feet shift across the floor, moving you in a gentle circle, giving Matthew a perfect view of his last name across your back. You closed your eyes as you reached the point in your circling where you’d have to see him again. You didn’t need to see the smug look on his face. 

You heard Matthew sigh and you knew whatever he was about to say next was going to be brutal. Instead, all you heard was his feet shuffling quickly across the floor before you felt his hands on you, pressing you back against the nearest wall. Your eyes flung open when you made rough contact with the wall. Before you could fully process it, Matthew’s head dipped down and his mouth was on yours. You almost pulled back, but he was kissing you in a way that took your breath away. You couldn’t not fall into the moment with your palms coming to rest on his chest, but you needed some sort of explanation and you weren’t even sure if this was really what you wanted, so you pushed gently on his chest and he instantly separated from you.

“What the fuck?” you breathed out at him as you lifted your eyes to look at him. 

He was towering over you, his arms boxing you in on either side of your head. His eyes were even darker than they had been and while you could usually read Matthew like open book, you couldn’t recognize the expression on his face. 

“I can’t be your friend if you’re going to look this fucking good with my last name on your back,” he told you. His words were so matter of fact, as if it was the most obvious thing the world. “You have absolutely no idea how bad I want you right now.” 

“Matthew,” you said between deep breaths, “I don’t know.” 

“You know,” he said, his baby blue eyes locking your gaze on him. “You know you know. You’ve known since that first dinner. Tessa knew too. Hell, even Noah knew, and you know how fucking thick he is. We’re not supposed to be just friends. You,” he sucked in a breath through his teeth when he broke eye contact to look down at the jersey while balling some of the red fabric in his hands, “you are too perfect for me to be my friend. God, it’s like someone took everything I ever wanted and put it all in one perfect, stupidly sexy girl, except that someone made her fucking oblivious to her own feelings.”

Matthew let out a soft laugh and shook his head as he released the fabric from his hands. His eyes rolled up to lock with yours again. 

“You can’t stand her and tell me that kiss wasn’t different,” he continued. “stop being so fucking thick for two seconds and you’ll really feel it. I know you feel it. Because if somehow, I feel this goddamn strongly about someone, and they don’t feel a single ounce of something for me, then I must have really fucked up in my past life and deserve to have the perfect girl right between my fingers and feel her break my heart instead. Like, fuck, you know this is different, that this is something that stupid kinds of special. Just let yourself feel it. Let me in, baby. I’m right here. You’re not gonna fall. Nothing is going to break. I’m right here. I’ve got you, if you want me to.” 

Matthew was wrong. You felt the walls you built to keep you from having to put yourself out there, from having to risk anything, start to crack under Matthew’s gaze. His eyes started bouncing from feature to feature on your face, trying to figure out what was going on in your mind since you hadn’t said a word yet. When his baby blues met yours again, the walls broke, and you felt everything. You felt everything he said and somehow, so much more. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked his mouth down to yours. He kissed you back instantly, his hands reaching down to the backs of your thighs to pull you up to his height. Your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands moved to your torso, yanking at his new favorite piece of clothing you owned to get under it and feel your skin under his palms. 

You broke the kiss to breathe. His mouth moved to your neck as you tangled your fingers in his curls. 

“I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to wear this while I do it,” Matthew breathed out against your neck with a faint tug of the jersey, “if that’s alright with you.”

“Little aggressive,” you told him with a tug of his curls. Matthew pulled you away from the wall, switching to support your weight so he could start walking you towards his room.

“Oh, shut up, would you?” Matthew laughed against your skin. “If you actually have objections, fine, but the peanut gallery is closed for anything other than curse words and my name for the next few hours, okay?” 

“Whatever you say, Tkachuk.” 

[supermaletransformation]

Mixing costumes may have unexpected effects...

A story written in collaboration with the excellent writer-ofstuff (follow him ;) ). Model: jr_ferrera

Matt just came back home after an exhausted gym session.

He decided to do a posing session before taking a shower. Bodybuilding has always been his passion but he has never been satisfied of the body he built through the years.

His session finished, Matt looked at the two spandex suits he got in the mail, unsure how the company he ordered his one costume from messed up his order and sent him two costumes rather than just the one and neither of them were of the costume he ordered originally. He could just go as either Superman or Shazam since those were the costumes he was sent, but he knows a few people at the Halloween party are already going as those two and he wanted to stand out from the crowd. He supposes he could mix and match the two suits to make himself stand out from everyone else from the party.

Matt gathered the two costumes in his arms, intending to take them over to his desk and begin working on them, but he quickly drops them when he swears he feels the shift in his arms. "What the hell?!" He says startled and drops the two costumes on the ground. He takes a few steps back, watching the costumes move and twist on their own. They seem to make the spandex ball that blends the red and blue colors of the suit into a deep purple color. It was fascinating to see, that is till purple ball of spandex lashed out, purple trendils ensnare Matt's arms and around his ankles, pulling him closer to it. Matt tries to resist, but with the trendils around his arms and legs he starts to feel jolts of electricity pumping into him. It didn't hurt him to his surprise, in fact it made him feel oddly powerful.

He suit continues to pull Matt into it, wrapping around his body, Matt feeling more of the electrical jolts pulsing through him. His body begins to grow, his already muscular body gaining several extra pounds of pure muscle. Matt is so confused as to what is happening, but he enjoys the sensation of this more than being concerned. The suit begins to fully cover Matt now, the spandex sliding over his arms, legs, crotch, and torso, merging the red posing brief . He walks over to the mirror in his room, looking over his new self and the spandex superhero outfit he now wears. The suit fits him like a glove, with the elastic spandex hugging Matt's very muscular body frame. He smirks and can't help but start to flex in the mirror, admiring his new self. "Who would have that this would happen." He mused to himself. He loves the primary purple color of his suit, the gold and red accents to it, the lightning bolt with the S in the middle a perfect combination of the two superheroes suits that helped  make Matt's own unique one. He could feel powers coursing through him, already having an idea of what his powers are. No doubt he shares the same powers as Superman and Shazma, but he also feels he has his own unique capabilities that differ from those two comic book heroes. "Looks like I will be skipping the party after all." He says to himself, grinning with excitement at the thought of testing his powers out and becoming a real superhero.

[ivory-sunflower]

Arty Art Things ✨

Hellooo!

I've decided to post some of the arty things I've done either recently or in the last few years, well the pieces I'm somewhat proud of at least. All my posts tend to be a lot more wordy than they need to be but hey it's what I do here!

Conchúr White

Anyone one who's been on this blog for a bit will have probably have seen me talk about this lovely Irish fella. The pencil drawing is actually a year old as of yesterday, I only know that because screenshots of me flipping out about Conchúr following me on twitter popped up in my memories yesterday. I think I'd sent it to him at about 3 in the morning (I was not in a good head space at that point in time), so probably not what he was expecting to see when he opened his phone in the morning aha

The biro version is much more recent: I got bored while sat at my desk and doing research about university courses, saw a biro, saw my old drawing of Conchúr, had an idea. I revisited my GCSE art techniques and here we are. Again, I put this up on Twitter and now (at the the time I'm writing this) when you google "Conchúr White" it's the third top image of him which is a bit mad really. I think I spent all of about 20 minutes on Conchúr but another 45 minutes on the words behind him. The words are the names of the songs on his EP 'Bikini Crops', he doesn't just really love the idea of Channing Tatum driving him around at night in a daisy print bikini... Well maybe he does but what he does in his spare time is none of my business...

TechDif

So I mentioned that the pencil drawing of Conchúr came from a rough patch in my mental health and this one is no different! In fact this one came from an even worse circumstance so we love to see it. I had a bad, bad time in July and this started as a way of distracting myself from what was going on in my head. Without it, I can't honestly say I'd still be here so even if the final product of this had been a terrible mess I would still love it for keeping me alive. However, it did not turn out to be a terrible mess!

Now that the origin of this is out the way, where do I start with TechDif? Unlike Conchúr, I haven't really talked about them on here (unless you count one brief post about Citation Needed) before so I guess I'll do it here. The Technical Difficulties are a wonderful group of 4 British fellas who have had their fair share of fun online and even before. They did a radio show at university together, which went on to become their Reverse Trivia Podcast, later moving on to a panel show called 'Citation Needed': and a game called 'Two of These People Are Lying'. All of which I would thoroughly reccomend, they're one of my go to things when I'm having a rough time. All 4 of them are excellent! Tom Scott (red top, blue jeans on the picture) has his own YouTube channel which does content aside from TechDif. If you're quite nerdy and like science, linguistics, computers, or any number of other things you may enjoy Tom's channel. He is probably best described as "The Moderator" of the group, much like a tired teacher he tries desperately to keep everyone on track with what they're meant to be doing, but usually it does not end well for him. Then we have Matt Gray (space top, holding an ice cream) who also has a channel away from TechDif stuff, he does techy electronic things and has a series called 'Will it Soft Serve?' where he puts all kinds of strange things through a soft serve machine. Matt brings a very specific energy to TechDif and I can't fully describe what that vibe is but I love it. Matt and Tom also share a YouTube channel where TOTPAL is posted and they had a series called 'The Park Bench'. Moving on to everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan (SATIRE hoodie, glasses) and can I just say, what a fella he is! He's just excellent! He is the one that will argue and rip into Tom the most (not in a malicious way) and hilarity ensues. There are some episodes where he is absolutely on it, getting all the points and others where he very clearly has no idea and that's where some of his funniest quotes come from. Given how badly I was doing at the time I made this, his response to it on Twitter was so so lovely. I specifically remember one tweet where he said I'd made him happy and although it was probably a flippant comment, it just made feel alright for a bit. Yeah I might be feeling awful right now, but I've made someone else happy so that's a nice feeling. Then last but certainly not least, we have Chris Joel (buffalo check shirt, beard)! I would be lying if I said he isn’t my favourite... His sense of humor is the one I vibe with most, he can get rather dramatic in parts and can chat bollocks like a champion. He has absolutely no online presence away from TechDif and, like Rens from Temples, I fully believe he’s a cryptid and lives off in a tree somewhere. 

The picture took me about 4 days to complete, well 4 nights because I did most of it between the hours of 12 a.m. and 7a.m. - I remember watching the sun come through my window each morning. It’s made up of lots of little pieces, all cut out and stuck on; even the sky and hills are made of separate pieces of paper. Nothing was actually drawn on the piece of paper it’s all stuck on, it’s not how I usually do things but if I messed up one little but I could just redraw it rather than ruining the whole thing. The most tedious parts to make were Chris’ shirt because I had to draw each square individually and then join the as well, and cutting out the ban-hammer in the bottom right was surprisingly hard. Every single detail of the picture is a reference to the podcast/shows, I still have the plan sketch and reference list knocking about somewhere. I listened to a lot of true crime videos while making it to the point that certain parts remind me of different cases: the brandy now reminds me of Peter Tobin, and the big spiral thing reminds me of Tim McLean (very harrowing case) - sorry that fact is a bit morbid but interesting nonetheless. 

I did post this for a little bit back in July, but I received some rather awful messages so I took it down. Generally, Tom Scott/TechDif fans are lovely but there’s been a few that have taken a disliking to me for some reason so I’m hoping they don’t resurface again. I’m in a better head space now though, so even if they do I’m more equipped to deal with it this time.

Hozier

This was a quick sketch I did in April, I was getting bored with lockdown and decided to summon the bog man himself. There’s not really much more backstory than that, no poor mental health story, no fun twitter story - he’s just here. He’s vibing. I will say I’m particularly proud of his nose, I just think it’s one of the best noses I’ve ever drawn. His hand is okay, but I think that the hands on my Conchúr drawings are better. So there is the Hozi-Boi...

The Corpse Bry

I’ve talked about Bry on here before as well, I love him, he’s excellent, top lad. He is a living Tim Burton character, he’s 6′6, very skinny, and his legs are longer than my will to live. I was watching ‘The Corpse Bride’ a few weeks ago and suddenly had an idea and so ‘The Corpse Bry’ came to be. I gave him a little panda friend because the panda has always been his animal - he used to wear a panda beanie all the time and his album had a panda on the cover. Again, there’s not really a fun story behind this one, I guess it’s somewhat fun because it’s the first art I made after finishing my psychology exams in October so it was nice to actually have the time to draw.

James Bagshaw

Ginger talking about Temples for the third post in a row? it’s more likely than you think! I did this one last week, I’d had a bit of a wobbly day and had group therapy on Teams in the evening and I just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on and I ended up doodling Mr James E. Bagshaw, the glitter crying fraggle man himself. It’s a bare-bones drawing that I could definitely work into more but I’m happy with it as it is to be honest. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit and add the individual bits of fringe to his jacket, just thinking about doing that makes me tired. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing the whole band at some point...

Alice in “Wonderland”

This one is from about 5(?) years ago, it’s not my typical style and was a “study” based on another artists work (basically i just had to copy this fellas work). I’ll be honest, this one has a sketchy backstory that I won’t go in to because it’s not exactly a nice one, and because of that I also won’t say who the artist is that it’s based on. Despite this, I’m still really proud of this one and I’m so sad that I never got this piece back after I got taken out the class. I’ve considered trying this style again, I’ve even joked about doing another Conchúr drawing in this style as a nod to my progression through GCSE art, eventually leading to Conchúr drawn in ink on music manuscript and stained with neon paint and dyes - it would be quite the project!

So this has been quite a lengthy post so apologies about that but life goes on. Similar to the vinyl post, I’ll probably add to this as and when I make more art. Even if no one is reading these posts, I’m enjoying making them so that’s the main thing. It’s just nice to document things and the feelings that go with them. 💕

~ Love Ginger xx 

29/11/2020

[artificialqueens]

Down with the Recipe, Bake from the Heart, 2/10 (Multi) - Juno

Chapter summary: It’s cake week, and the bakers have to deal with a fruity signature, a tangy technical, and a showstopper that should be child’s play. Surely nothing can go wrong. Meanwhile, Aurora is looking forward to cake week, and not just to see Tayce again, and Asttina has an admirer of her own.

A/N: Thank you for your support so far on this fic!! I hope you enjoy the second part of this.

WEEK 2: CAKE WEEK

Aurora knew cakes like the back of her hand.

Cake had been her gateway into baking as a teenager. Whenever she’d had a bad day at school, she could spend a couple of quid at the local Aldi on some filling ingredients, bring them home, find her nan’s flour, and bake them into something beautiful, something that everyone would love. Baking a cake would always be available to her to ground her, and to remind her that pouring positivity into things made them seem light as air.

Arriving for filming the second week was nowhere near as daunting as the first. Biscuit week had been a little bit of a concern for Aurora, whose biscuits tended to crumble as soon as she looked at them, but she forced herself not to think about it any more, pushing it to the past where it belonged. She came in now, her cake recipes in her head and on her paper, feeling better than she had all of last week.

I survived biscuit week. But I can really excel in cake week! This is exactly what I know. I can make a Vicky sponge in my sleep with one hand behind my back and a sleep paralysis demon on my chest. It’s mine to win.

As Pip had gone home at the end of the last episode, Aurora’s side of the desks had all been shuffled up by one person to account for that. Her side of the room now had Asttina at the front, then Ginny, Lawrence, Ellie, and finally Aurora on the fifth bench instead of the back.

Instead of being opposite Tayce, she was opposite Cherry this time. Their side was unchanged - Bimini at the front, then Joe, Tia, Veronica, Cherry, and Tayce at the back. Cherry’s pillar-box red KitchenAid gleamed in the sunlight - it was starting to get sunny again - and Aurora saw that her own was in similar condition, the turquoise colour as bright as if it was the first week again. Good as new.

She managed to calm her breathing, but her fingers still drummed on the workbench, and she couldn’t stop them for more than a few seconds.

I can do this. I can do this.

——

Signature: Fruit Cake

“For your Signatures this week,” Matt began, “the judges would like you to bake a fruit cake. Any fruit is allowed - “

“ - but no vegetables. We can’t have vegetables sneaking into the tent disguised as a fruit.”

“Maybe a tomato.”

“Matt, a tomato is technically a fruit, even if no one wants tomato cake.”

Aurora giggled at Matt and Noel’s back-and-forth, but really, she wanted to get on with her bake. All her baking knowledge felt like it had lodged herself at the very front of her mind, and any slight distraction could let it tumble back down again into the abyss, lost forever - or at least until the baking time was over.

When they finally announced “BAKE!” Aurora dove into her bag to grab her ingredients. Flour, butter, sugar, eggs. Flour, butter, sugar, eggs.

“What are you baking?” Ellie didn’t even last a minute this week before she had turned round to talk to Aurora, but she kind of wished she wouldn’t, from the amount she chatted last week after getting over her initial shyness. Aurora was trying to concentrate; she had to pour her whole focus into this, or it just wouldn’t taste good.

“Apple cake,” she said simply, wondering if Ellie would take the hint.

“Oh. I’m making rhubarb and custard!” Evidently Ellie hadn’t, and Aurora bit her tongue behind her forced smile. “That was my favourite when I was a kid, did you have lots of rhubarb and custard as well? This one time me and my brother …”

“Have you got nothing better to do than prattle on to Aurora?” Lawrence’s voice from the bench in front of them was even louder than Ellie’s, her hands on her hips as she swooped in to save the day, an unconventional Wonder Woman. “She’s trying to bake a cake, and so should you!”

“I am baking a cake -“

Ellie spun back to face Lawrence, and Aurora took the opportunity to make a quick getaway to the tea tent for a break. From her experience being behind Ellie last week, the woman could talk all day, and that wasn’t what Aurora needed, much as she had warmed to her.

By the time she’d poured herself a fresh brew, Ellie and Lawrence were both at Lawrence’s desk, apoplectic with laughter, faces and hands covered in flour, while the cameras had sprinted down to record this golden television moment.

Viewers tune in for baking and get a flour fight. And that’s why the nation loves this show.

——

“I’m gonna have to start again!”

That phrase was starting to sound like a broken record from Tia’s desk, on the other side. The woman might not normally be a disaster in the kitchen, but so far they’d done four challenges, and this was the third time she’d announced she was restarting. Her normally orange KitchenAid was splattered deep purple from the blackberries she’d somehow managed to spray all over the side in an effort to make jam. Some of it had even gone into the cake mixture, and she was running her fingers through her curly hair, turning to Veronica on the bench behind her and laughing dryly.

“What have you done?” Veronica’s tone always softened when Tia talked to her. That was something Aurora had already noticed, and it was … interesting, to say the least.

“Messed up my cake mix,” Tia shook her head, still laughing. “How long do we have left?”

Veronica looked at one of the five timers she’d set up. “An hour, twenty three minutes, and fifteen seconds - fourteen - thirteen -“

“Okay, okay!” Tia waved her hand. “Do you - d’you think I have time?”

“If you’re really precise,” Veronica nodded grimly, “then you should just about do it. You’ve done the jam, you’ve done the icing … you just have to bung the cakes into the freezer straight away so they have enough time to cool.”

“Oh, good.” Tia sighed. “Let’s hope I don’t mess it up again! Thanks, Vee.”

Veronica reserved her quota of smiles for Tia alone, so it seemed, because this smile was the first real one any of them had seen from Veronica. Nervous, pinched, but there it was all the same.

“Yeah,” Aurora called over to them, hoping to join in, “thanks Vee, and can you make it for Tia if she messes up the jam again?”

She’d meant it as a joke, good-natured, to try to brighten the anxiety forming a cloud between the two of them. It had the desired effect on Tia, whose expression slackened into an ironic grin; but Veronica’s face immediately became stony, her eyes surprisingly cold as she glared at Aurora, before turning back to her KitchenAid.

“It’s just a joke -”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t very funny.” Veronica snapped. “It’s not very nice to comment on things like that. Oh great - now I’ve over-weighed the sugar. Thanks, Aurora.”

Aurora opened her mouth to protest - Veronica’s implication felt unfair - but she was taken aback by the sound of gentle, muffled laughter; Tayce was still behind Cherry, a hand over her mouth, giggling to herself.

——

“I was laughing at Veronica! Blaming you for weighing out her own sugar wrong!” Tayce exclaimed as Aurora chewed her nail during the break before Technical.

“Maybe I went too far … maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“She’s just too sensitive.” Tayce flipped her hair behind her back. “Everyone could see you were just joking! Tia saw the funny side, and I bet Veronica’s probably already forgotten it. Forgive and forget, right? It’s just baking! It’s not all that serious!”

“Yeah but …” Aurora trailed off, looking over at the two of them, by the door to the outside, hovering as if trying to decide to go out.

Tayce chuckled. “And Tia’s got a few disasters under her belt, hasn’t she? The wagon wheels last week where all the chocolate melted? Her Signature this week? It’s only week two!”

Aurora opened her mouth, but closed it again.

This is how it all starts. One misunderstood joke, and suddenly I’m an evil bitch.

Cakes were meant to calm her, but suddenly cakes were linked to this show, and now intertwined with making another contestant upset. A golden opportunity to shed her still-lingering hometown reputation as a Bad Girl; scuppered before the end of the second week.

I may as well just get eliminated now.

Aurora broke away from Tayce to go to the table of cakes, where everyone’s was laid out in a row. Ginny and Bimini were standing there, Ginny piling a slice of Tia’s cake - which she’d called “Bananadrama cake” - on top of Bimini’s vegan orange cake, but both turned when Aurora approached.

“Hey!” Bimini said, grabbing her shoulder. “That apple cake you made, with the toffee apples on the top? That looked amazing. If it was vegan I’m sure I’d love it, but Gin said it was good!”

“It was a treat for the taste buds, Aurora, an absolute treat,” Ginny nodded, their eyes crinkling up kindly.

“Congratulations on getting the first Hollywood handshake, Ginny!” Aurora smiled mechanically, but Ginny’s smile spread from ear to ear. “I bet you’re never gonna wash your right hand ever again!”

“Definitely not,” Ginny nodded, holding up their right hand to their face and wiggling their fingers. “Not after I broke the seal on the Hollywood Handshakes, first one of the season! I hope they’re all talking about it on Twitter by now -“

“Will make a change from them talking about your obsession with lemons,” Bimini nudged them, causing Ginny to glare at them with mock disgust.

“Cheeky. My lemon drizzle Signature is a labour of love. You have no idea how long I spent perfecting that recipe, Bimini Bon Appetit.”

“You know what, Gin? I believe you.”

“Is there any of your lemon drizzle left?” Aurora asked.

“Yes! Fancy a sloooice?” Ginny yelled the last word in the same way she’d yelled it when she’d initially presented it to the judges.

“Erm, yeah I do!” Aurora grabbed the knife to cut herself a piece of Ginny’s handshake-worthy lemon drizzle cake, wondering if there was nothing that Ginny wouldn’t put lemon into if given the chance. Bimini stroked Ginny’s bag, putting their plate down.

“I love your bag, where did you manage to find a bag with the non-binary flag colours on it? I kept meaning to ask you last week, I saw it and I immediately went ‘Yes, another enby, the enby gods have smiled down on me’ and I wanted to know where you got that bag so I could get one of my own -“

“Oh, I didn’t buy it, bab, I crocheted it! I couldn’t find one that I liked so I had to make one, and it’s so good for finding other enbies out in the wild, it’s like a code, isn’t it!”

“Yeah definitely - look, if you crochet a lot, would you fancy making me a scarf with enby flag colours? I can pay you or give you bakes or something -“

“Oh Bimini Bab, don’t worry about that - I can do you one for next weekend if you want -“

Aurora decided to leave them to it, looking around the room for someone to talk to. Tayce was with Cherry and Joe again, and Tia and Veronica had been joined by Asttina, the three of them comparing something on their phones. Ellie was nowhere to be seen, which was a shame as Aurora was starting to feel a bond with her more than anyone else in the room.

But is that even real in itself?

That thought persisted, no matter how hard Aurora tried to quash it.

Everything’s just really distorted right now.

The actual filming of the episodes was being done on Saturdays and Sundays, and would be every weekend from now until the end of June, so it meant that they would all go back to their normal daily lives while the weeks were going on; back to work, back to friends and family, back to their routine.

It was as if they left the real world into a fantasy land for two days a week, a frenetic rollercoaster of baking and emotions, pressure and strangers, before being dropped back into the mundane weekday world, a reality where they were forbidden to disclose how they were all doing, or what they were all doing, every weekend.

There were eleven of them left on the competition, and it was only the second weekend of them filming so far. They’d known each other for just over a week, and spent almost three total days in each others’ pockets, surrounded by cameras and production crew and editors. But it was virtually impossible to get to know everyone here, to really know them, hard to read their intentions while filming was happening, because it was such a short but busy time they all had together. Because no matter how much they all smiled, how much they all laughed together - they were all here for one reason, and that was for themselves, to win.

That made the room feel still lonelier to Aurora, even filled with eleven people.

Take Ellie for instance. Ellie was always making conversation, and Aurora hoped they’d bonded; but then again Ellie was a trainee hairdresser, and it was probably part of her job to be able to chat. Tayce, her charming accent and witty smile aside, gave nothing away, and as much as Aurora’s stomach leapt somersaults when she was around her, Tayce was a complete mystery.

Looking around the room at everyone pairing off, the community here was more important than ever. It was a long filming schedule for just ten episodes, and the NDAs they’d all had to sign bound them together, keeping a juicy secret from the outside world.

At the same time, it was surreal.

Every word was emotive. Every sensation was deeper than normal. Every movement was significant …

But until the series aired on Channel 4, everything here was only as tangible as a dream.

——

Technical: 12 Jaffa Cakes

Jaffa Cakes? Fucking Jaffa Cakes?

Sure, Aurora had eaten them for years, but baking them? As far as Aurora was concerned, Jaffa Cakes were just a thing that came in a box, that probably grew on trees. The concept of baking them felt alien.

Focus. Calm.

But the basic instructions from Prue’s recipe might have been in Latin for all Aurora knew. And Aurora sure as hell didn’t know Latin.

She took less time than last week annotating, instead getting to work setting up the bain marie in a saucepan to melt the chocolate, tossing cake ingredients into the KitchenAid as she went, ignoring the crash as Joe’s baking tray went flying onto the next bench, where Ginny was glaring at her as she dramatically rolled her eyes and went to pick it back up.

She looked at the main timer she used. Twenty minutes had gone, which meant she was slightly ahead of her annotated schedule.

So far, so good.

But the issue came when the cake sponges were cooling.

“Aurora!” Ellie’s whisper was frantic as she turned to her bench, the panic in her voice making it impossible to ignore. “I’ll give you a can of my Monster if you tell me which way up these sponges are meant to be!”

As Aurora met her eyes, all memory of what a Jaffa Cake looked like evaporated, fizzing and floating away like steam.

Shit. She’s got a point. Which way up do they go?

She knew that one side was covered in chocolate and the marmalade jelly circles they’d all made, but which side?

“I don’t know, do I!” Aurora sighed, clutching her hair. “God, you just said that and now I can’t remember what a Jaffa Cake looks like and I’ve been eating them from the packets for years!”

“Same here!” Ellie muttered.

Aurora caught sight of Tayce’s head jerking up out of the corner of her eye, curiously watching them both, but she forced herself to concentrate on the matter at hand.

“If we do it this way,” Ellie turned one of the sponges she’d made upside down, “there’s less room for the jelly, but the discs fit perfectly, and there’s more room for the chocolate, is that right?”

“Uhm,” Aurora murmured, wracking her brains. “I think - maybe, yeah - you’re right I think …”

Across the room, she saw Cherry, who had already turned hers upside down and was already halfway through putting the chocolate and marmalade jelly on them. Joe, a few rows in front of her, was also turning hers over and over, frowning.

But as Ellie turned her cake again, the right way up, Aurora could practically see a lightbulb light in her head; her eyes widening and her mouth dropping in realisation.

“No! It’s the right way up! Because it’s a flat tray! For the jelly! And the chocolate kind of spreads to the edges, doesn’t it? Like, over the sponge too. Right? Please tell me I’m right, Rory,” Ellie pleaded.

Aurora wasn’t sure what to think. “I’m not sure now. Some people are doing them upside down, and they look …”

“No, I’m sure I’m right,” Ellie nodded, grimly determined suddenly. “Trust me on this. They’re meant to be the right way up.” She nodded again, putting the baking tray and the sponge down again. “Here, have a Monster.”

Aurora frowned as she took it. “Mango Loco?”

“Of course! What else?”

The way Ellie was looking at her, she might have sprouted another head. Aurora opened the can and took a swig, praying to the Monster gods that Ellie wasn’t trying to trick her and that the energy drink would give her the final push.

——

“Thank you!”

Aurora had taken half a step into Carr Hall after the Technical challenge winner’s interview was over, only to be engulfed by Hurricane Ellie, all six feet of her, dragged into a very fluffy pink hug against the fake fur of the jacket she wore.

She shook Ellie off, laughing. “Oh, it’s alright love, you’re the one who figured it out without me, don’t worry - “

“I was so nervous for Technical!” Ellie’s voice was so loud that Aurora winced in discomfort. “I came eleventh last week! And now I’m third! I could cry! But you - God, you came top! Oh god I’m sorry! Congratulations on coming top!”

Aurora couldn’t hold back the grin. She had to admit, she felt pretty smug about coming top in the second Technical challenge, especially having been seventh the previous week. It just showed that she had lots to offer to the show and the judges. Her heart was hammering, although whether that was with elation or electrolytes, she was uncertain.

“Well done, Aurora.” She turned to face Asttina’s cool smile and steady gaze, accepting the handshake she offered. “Your Jaffa Cakes looked amazing. Really nice one. I can’t wait to try one.”

Aurora just returned her smile. Something about Asttina made her lose her tongue, maybe the formal, business-like way she went about her bakes, or her polite, reserved manner of speech. Aurora didn’t feel that she knew much about her yet - not enough to fill in the gaps in her head about Asttina.

“Congratulations, bab,” Ginny sidled up to her next, giving her a grin. Bimini followed them, holding the narrow bottle of limoncello that Ginny had been liberally adding to their lemon drizzle cake earlier, both of them swigging from it.

“Thanks Gin!”

“Nice one, Aurora,” Tia was next, her easy smile matching her eyes as she rubbed Aurora’s shoulder. “Your Signature was so good too, you deserved to get top in Technical this week!”

And Aurora immediately felt another twinge of guilt for her words earlier. Tia radiated sincerity, probably the only person in the room whose whole demeanour was relaxed and genuine. A lump rose in her throat and Aurora found her words stuck at it.

She just nodded, smiling, before she took the opportunity to move out the way to the cake table, wondering if she fancied another slooice of Ginny’s handshake-winning lemon drizzle cake before it was all gone, when she felt long cool fingers at her shoulder and turned to meet Tayce’s brown eyes.

“Good job in Technical today,” she murmured, a smile tugging at her lips.

Tayce’s low voice, and that accent, started off the butterflies in Aurora’s stomach once more, along with a tingling dancing up her spine. Last week it had been a pleasant addition to being here, having such a stunning contestant opposite her, but this week, Aurora found that the nearer Tayce was to her, the less Aurora was able to form coherent words.

“Thanks,” she heard herself say after what seemed like an eternity of a pause.

“Did much better than me. Seventh! Like we switched positions, eh?”

“Seems like it!” Aurora’s face was getting warmer and warmer, and she resumed prayer to the Monster gods that she wasn’t blushing -

“Anyway. Congratulations, A’Whora.”

“A’Whora! Bloody cheek!” Aurora slapped her playfully on the arm, and Tayce smiled as she wandered away, leaving Aurora to join Bimini and Ginny, as they curled up on the sofa together.

“You know who I’m enjoying seeing here every week?” Ginny muttered, dropping their voice to ensure no one else overheard.

“Who?”

“Asttina.” Ginny rested their chin in their hands, elbows on their knees as they gazed wistfully around the room.

Aurora followed their gaze to Asttina, who was chatting to Ellie, a hand on her forearm.

“I don’t really know much about Asttina,” Aurora admitted in a soft voice. “She hasn’t really spoken to me much yet, and she just seems kind of … aloof.”

But Ginny shook their head. “I’ve met her before at charity bakes in Birmingham. She does a lot of these kinds of charity bake offs, you have to put on a certain persona for that - and yeah, maybe she’d brought it to the contest here a bit - but honestly, once you get past that, she’s lovely.”

Asttina was pulling Ellie over to Tia and Veronica on the other side of the room, her smile genuine and her eyes crinkling at the corners, as happy as Aurora had seen her yet.

“Charity bakes? For contests and stuff?” Aurora asked.

“Sometimes. Have you seen her Instagram? I was looking at her page before we even all came to the show, for inspiration for something for my birthday - not that I enjoy getting older but we all enjoy cake! And she made one with some weird flavour combo - can’t remember - and I messaged her about it, and she just came back with it fell to bits after this photo, give it a miss - and I couldn’t stop laughing!”

“What kinds of things does she bake?” Bimini asked.

“All sorts, bab - anything you could ask for and more. But the flavours she was using! Oh my days - the things she’s tried and made work - she’s a genius, I’ll tell you that. She’s gonna go to the end.”

“Yeah,” Bimini murmured, their eyes hooked on Asttina as she crossed the room to the table, looking over the Jaffa Cakes for one to try. “Yeah, hopefully.”

Aurora looked from Asttina to Bimini, their chin cupped in their hand, not tearing their eyes away from Asttina, smiling a soft smile.

“Bimini,” Aurora said, but Bimini didn’t look away.

“Bim!” She nudged them, and Bimini blinked, evidently coming back into the room from cloud nine.

“Yeah - yeah, I know.”

Ginny raised their eyebrows, letting out a low whistle. “Are we gonna have our first Bake Off romance on the cards? Sorry, second? Can’t forget Blu and Cheryl last year.”

“Nah, not likely.” Bimini shook their head. “Not on the show anyway. Too much like hard work, innit, trying to balance getting to ask someone out with baking.”

“So, like, how many of us here are queer?” Aurora asked. “Do you know?”

“No,” Ginny shook their head, “but from what I’ve heard so far, a fair few - I’m pan, you’re a lesbian aren’t you Aurora? I’ve seen your pin - and I know Asttina has the bi flag on her instagram page, Tia and Veronica obviously like women as well -“

“What about Tayce, Gin?” Bimini asked slyly. “I think that’s what Aurora wanted to know.”

“Wait, wait, hold on,” Aurora held her hand up, trying to get them off Tayce. “What do you mean, Tia and Veronica obviously like women as well … what have I missed?”

Ginny pursed their lips, and Bimini chuckled.

“Let’s just say they’re getting pretty close.”

——

Showstopper: A children’s dream birthday cake with at least two different sponge flavours and three layers.

Aurora wasn’t going to let anyone stop her today. The Star Baker title and the cake-shaped badge was hers for the winning. Top in Technical, good critiques in Signature - she knew the judges would be talking about her as one of the top bakers in line for Star Baker this week.

She cast her gaze round the room, wondering who else was in line.

Veronica, for sure. She’d come second in Technical for the second week in a row, and her Signature pineapple and coconut cake had been praised. Much as Aurora hated to admit, Veronica was a great baker.

Ginny too, was probably in line for Star Baker, with their Hollywood Handshake from yesterday. They still looked smug, running a hand through their yellow hair and giggling to themselves.

It was probably between the three of them to win.

But as she carried on around the room Aurora’s eyes narrowed pensively as they fell on Ellie, right in front of her. She’d come third in Technical, and the rhubarb and custard cake had … actually had pretty good feedback as well.

Maybe it’s a four-horse race. Ellie’s a bit of a dark horse though.

“Have fun with the bake today,” Prue told them all, the familiar twinkle in her eye as she spoke. “Give us plenty of flavours and let your imaginations run wild. Remember, the bake has to be worth the calories.”

Veronica’s mouth was set in a thin line as she placed all her cake tins and containers in a line, licking her lips as she concentrated on setting all five stopwatches on her bench. Tia, by contrast in front of her, was piling her ingredients onto the workbench, muttering loudly to herself and causing the cameramen to run to her side and film her as she talked nonsense as usual.

It was an uneventful start. But something was bound to happen, and when Cherry passed Aurora’s workbench, she hovered, motioning pointedly with her gaze outside towards the tea tent outside; and Aurora turned off her KitchenAid for a second to follow Cherry over there and grab a mug as if to make tea.

“Joe’s pre-bought her fondant.”

“What?” Aurora put a hand to her mouth.

“I said to her - I was walking past her to get to Bimini’s workbench - and I saw her unrolling it. And I said, just jokingly, did you get that from Tesco’s, and get this - she leaned towards me,” Cherry mimicked Joe’s lean, putting a hand to the side of her mouth, “and she just whispered, ‘M&S’!”

“No!” Aurora’s eyes widened, her head shaking, but Cherry was nodding, licking her lips.

“I - well, I still am speechless!” Cherry’s eyes were alight, her glee as always seemingly awakened by gossip, but Aurora wasn’t sure what she’d do with this information. Was Cherry about to tell the judges? Should she do it instead? Was it any of their business at all?

Cherry didn’t give any clues away when they went back to the tent either, sipping her tea, greeted by the sound of Tia announcing she had to start again. Veronica was running over to see what she’d done now, probably to try to fix it again.

But Aurora had her own issues. The cake mix, still in the KitchenAid, had flattened decidedly while she had been away.

She turned the whisk on, but she could not persuade the mixture to aerate, no matter how hard she whisked.

“Fuck,” she muttered, angry tears stinging the backs of her eyes. “Am I gonna have to do a Tia?”

One more minute. It may still be salvageable, come on cake, come on -

After three more minutes of whisking, Aurora rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and took the bowl off the stand, emptying the mixture into the bin.

“You starting again?” That was Noel’s voice, and a cameraman beside her, and Aurora was temporarily blinded by Noel’s brightly-painted outfit, obviously his own design, bold patterns and neon colours.

“Yeah, gonna have to aren’t I? It went flat.”

“You’ve got this, alright?”

Noel’s smile and tone were light and airy, not really with any substance.

That was how Aurora wanted her cake, not her support.

She closed her eyes, allowed her breathing to settle, then leaned forwards, a lump forming in her throat as she gathered fresh ingredients and set back to work all over again on the cake mixture.

As the whisk was whirring for her second time, she glanced up in awe at Ellie’s which was just coming out of the oven, smelling divine; and over at Veronica’s, already partly formed out of a green grass stand. Aurora blinked back the tears, seeing her chances of becoming Star Baker this week starting to fade away.

She glanced at Tayce.

And although part of Aurora wanted nothing more than to look at Tayce, watch Tayce bake all day, listen to her speak all day, as the tingling feeling ran down her spine … another part of her was infuriated by how relaxed Tayce was, nonplussed by everything around her.

It was difficult to make head or tail of what Tayce was thinking. Right now, she was holding up a layer of cake, and slicing into it with a palette knife, trying to carve a shape; looking up only to grin at Noel as he approached her for some banter for the television.

Aurora wanted to go over and see what she was making, but she didn’t want to have to restart again, so she turned her eyes to the KitchenAid and tried to tune out everyone else in the room.

——

One thing no one had prepared any of the bakers for was that judging for the Showstoppers was terrifying.

Watching it on the telly made it look like everyone was judged in a single minute, and everything was smooth and light and relaxed. In reality, everyone stood there for a good five minutes each at least, feeling all eyes in the room on them from their fellow contestants as well as the judges, and with lifting and carrying times it meant they were all dead on their feet by the end.

Aurora was right at the end of the pack, being in the position she was in - on the right, at the back.

So she had to wait past everyone getting pulled up in order.

Bimini and Asttina, both on the front two rows, both getting good feedback on flavours but mediocre feedback on the aesthetic of their respective cakes. Joe was next, and Cherry’s news turned out to be true, with Joe openly admitting to the judges that her fondant was pre-bought from M&S.

Ellie gave an audible inhale.

“What’s up?” Aurora whispered as loudly as she could.

“You’re not meant to do that!” Ellie whispered back.

Ginny was told that while their lemon cake was delicious, doing a lime-flavoured layer was probably not a wise choice, and she needed to not do lemon every single time. Veronica and Lawrence were both praised, even though they’d made similar cakes in the shape of train sets, the second time they’d done a similar design to each other.

Ellie’s hand shook where it rested on Aurora’s workbench, as she stared glassy-eyed outside the clear panel of the tent. And even though Aurora tried to remind herself that this show was full of people who just wanted to win a competition, seeing Ellie’s fear made her chest ache. Aurora reached forward to rest a hand atop hers, and Ellie blinked, swallowing, still staring straight ahead.

“You’ll do great,” she whispered, and Ellie nodded stiffly, her hand quivering in Aurora’s.

Tia’s cake was next. The game of Operation which was starting to crumble and fall apart as Matt Lucas helped her to carry it to the table, was called the best lemon and poppy seed cake Prue had ever had.

When Ellie was called after that, and Aurora got a better look at her cake, she didn’t know why Ellie was worrying; she’d made a beautiful and intricate pink castle, complete with towers, detailed brick patterns, and a little portcullis; but when she got it to the judges table, the judges were sniggering quietly behind her.

“Me and my brother, we always had just one plain cake between us on our birthday, nothing to make it that personal for either of us, that way it was fair,” Ellie explained, cupping her elbows in her hands. “But if I’d not been a twin, this would have been my dream cake. A huge pink castle.”

Cherry’s eyes widened from the other side of the room, clapping a hand to her mouth; and Aurora finally spotted it. The pink towers with the purple rooftops, standing out from the rest of the cake …

They look a bit … questionable, Aurora thought.

By now everyone was sniggering to themselves, apart from Lawrence, whose face was in her hands; when she raised her head, Aurora could see she was trying not to laugh too.

Aurora chanced a glance at Tayce, finding that she wasn’t laughing much either, a cool indifference behind her eyes. But she wasn’t looking at Ellie. She was looking straight at Aurora herself, before turning her eyes away back to the front.

Tayce’s turn had come, and Tayce had presented the owl she’d made to be told that her bake was good, but her design wasn’t up to parr. And Aurora’s judging was as expected - she was praised on her buttercream, but she hadn’t left the sponges in long enough, worrying she was running short on time; so she’d removed them early to cool; and they’d come out a bit dense as a result.

That’s probably cost me the Star Baker badge. But I probably won’t be going home at least.

It was disappointing. Cakes were her forte, cakes were what she knew best.

But it doesn’t mean I’m a bad baker, she said firmly to herself. I just had a less-than-perfect bake. I am not my art.

She breathed out her worries, knowing there was nothing more she could do now that judging was over, and left the tent with the others to the outside area, where the chairs had been set up. It was still sunny, although clouds were drifting over and the early evening chill was starting to pinch in the air.

Aurora flopped down on the seat next to Tayce, sighing heavily.

“Mine was alright, I think,” she said, “and Paul loved my Italian meringue buttercream.”

Tayce nodded, but her expression remained the same; staring towards the tent, her eyes distant and pensive.

“I can’t believe that Joe actually told the judges that she’d bought the fondant from M&S! Do you think that’s true? If so - I mean, she won’t be staying until next week if she’s done that, will she?”

Tayce carried on nodding, her face flat, the distance between them growing with every second that passed.

Aurora sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get Star Baker this week though, even though I came top in Technical. They all loved Ellie’s cake, didn’t they?”

That was the first motion Aurora saw; Tayce’s jaw tensed for a split second, her eyes narrowing just a fraction as she continued her slow, rhythmic nodding.

“That cake was something else,” Aurora said dreamily, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

“Maybe you should talk to her about it, then.”

With that low, cool sentence, Tayce stood up and made her way towards Carr Hall, not even turning around to see Aurora’s confused expression growing more so with every step she took.

—-

Inside, the tent was still stiflingly hot as Noel announced Ellie as the shock winner. Ellie put her hands to her face, while Asttina, sitting on her right, wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her towards her for a gracious cuddle.

Matt had to announce the person leaving, but no one was surprised that Joe’s name was called, not even Joe herself. She stood from her position between Ginny and Bimini, both of them clutching one of her hands each, and gave her infamous cackle, blowing them all a kiss and leaving the tent behind to go to her exit interview.

“Well done, Els,” Aurora murmured, as Ellie bent down to hug her, wiping tears away from the corners of her eyes with her thumbs.

Over her shoulder, Aurora caught Tayce staring at her for a split second before she turned away, following Joe out of the tent, presumably back to Carr Hall to collect her things for the week ahead.

Those same thoughts from the previous day were running circles in her mind. She only saw Tayce at weekends, in a very enclosed environment, and although last week they’d exchanged some kind words, and Tayce had held her hand, did it mean they were bonding?

Ellie let Aurora go, moving to hug someone else, but Aurora carried on looking at the exit, trying to decipher what had made Tayce turn cool this week.

Her hand in Aurora’s had been more welcome than Aurora had expected last week, a faint thrill up her spine as she remembered it. But this week they’d barely spoken, and Aurora struggled to figure out why; until she heard Ellie’s laughter as she hugged Lawrence, who tilted her chin up to rest on her shoulder, pouring words of affirmation into Ellie’s ear.

Is - is Tayce really that annoyed? Because she didn’t win?

——

TEN BAKERS REMAIN

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 94

94

Lance had fled. The cow crapped in his living room and that was that. He’d made it very clear Matt and Rieva were to scrub the floor clean or they wouldn’t be joining them all for dinner. Pidge and Hunk had a few things to finish up as it was, provided they’d get over the hilarity of Matt and Rieva gifting him a stolen cow. Naturally Hunk didn’t find the cow theft itself funny, only the absurdity and randomness of their now being a cow in the house... which was kind of funny, because no normal person would “relocate” a cow.

The rest of his presents had been marginally better. Rieva proved to be an okay gift giver if you didn’t think about the cow. She’d gifted him non-relocated plants, herbs for his garden and cat grass for Blue. Clearly her idea and not Matt’s who’d given him a “voucher” to join them in bed if his heats got too much. He’s tried to throw it out, but Matt rescued it for “safe keeping because you never knew”. Hunk normally gifted him garlic knots and cookies, a standard and tasty gift, that didn’t happen this year now that Hunk knew he was a vampire. His poor ray of sunshine gifting him a voucher to a department store in Platt, seeming guilty over not knowing what to give him. Lance didn’t mind. It was a practical gift, and lately Rieva and Matt had been wearing off on him. His bed turning into a mound of blankets and cushions, Rieva teasing him about nesting. He didn’t know what nesting was, only that he felt safe in his mounded up bed and seeing it was his house, he could do as he pleased. Pidge declared herself the best gift giver ever. He loved his gremlin, but could only groan at her present. She’d brought him a “vampire hunting kit” online. She was so proud of herself, thinking it hilarious. Lance did not. Trust pop culture to get a hunting kit wrong. There was some major eye rolling at the polished wooden stake in the box... God only knew what was in the enclosed vials that came with the kit, probably dye and water... though the crucifixes were pretty, so that was nice.

Lance didn’t think about the next predicament of what to do now that’d arrived in Platt so early. Dinner wouldn’t be until 6:30pm, so he’d head over to the nursing home around 5pm to spend some quality time with his Mami. It was a little after 11am now, meaning he couldn’t head to VOLTRON given they’d all be getting ready for the mission and he’d be underfoot. That didn’t stop him from parking in front of the bookshop out of habit. With three spare hours, he wanted to see Keith so badly it hurt. Pulling out his phone, he nearly screamed when someone tapped on his window, Krolia all smiles as if she hadn’t taken 10 years off his undead life.

Rolling the window down, Lance wasn’t sure what to say to her. All plans to get her and Keith on the same page hadn’t eventuated. His boyfriend struggling so hard with figuring out how to feel about his mother. It sucked. Lance wanted to take all that pain away, but the only one who could do that was Krolia herself

“Keith hasn’t come in yet, if you’re looking for him”

No. His boyfriend was probably still at his apartment but Lance didn’t want to park up out the front and make a scene

“I was going to give him a call... see if he wanted to get lunch or something before the mission”

“So he told you? Oh... that’s right, it’s your birthday today... Why don’t I take you to lunch, my treat”

Ummm... what?

“You don’t have to go out of your way...”

Lunch with Krolia didn’t seem safe... He didn’t want to step on Keith’s toes, or meet with Krolia behind his back

“Nonsense. It’s no trouble at all”

“I should let Keith know...”

“He’s the reason I thought we should talk. I don’t want to make things complicated between you... but he won’t listen to me. I just want to know how my son is doing”

Lance knew he was fucked. His fierce love for his Mami, and his family, made it impossible to say no. If he was estranged from his Mami, he could picture her asking his friends about him

“You know I can’t say no to that”

Krolia did. Her smile hadn’t wavered at all

“Excellent. I’ll let you choose the place, you know this city better than I do”

Please lord don’t let him be murdered for this... by Keith or Krolia... maybe Krolia... yeah, he’d rather be murdered than cause a misunderstanding between him and Keith. Fuck. His Mami always told him to be polite... and his Mami had hit it off with Krolia...

“Jump in. I think I know a place”

Lance was still quietly hoping for murder as he and Krolia sat inside the dimly lit pub. It was the same place they’d come as a group after the others had learned his secret. The pub itself wasn’t that poorly lit, but he’d tried to pick somewhere kind of unnoticeable from the door. Sitting on one side of the booth, Krolia slid herself in on the other side, picking up the menu

“You look tense. Don’t worry about Keith”

He was pretty sure worrying about Keith was now a default setting, right up there with over thinking

“How can I not? I feel wrong meeting with you when he’s still trying work out his feelings”

“You care about him a lot, don’t you?”

Lance supposed it wasn’t as obvious to Krolia... in fact, she probably thought it was weird

“Very much. That’s why... I don’t want to get between the two of you”

“Keith has made it clear that he doesn’t want to know me”

What kind of crap was that?! Keith was dying to connect with Krolia

“That’s not true”

“Let’s go ahead and order. Do you... eat?”

“I can and I do”

“Excellent. Now, what’s deep fried and covered in grease?”

Lance ordered a salad, with a nonexistent appetite, it was something he could pick at. Krolia ordering a steak burger so raw the meat reminded him of his new cow... that wasn’t his cow and he was in no way attached to. Her plate loaded with fries, and her drink of choice a chocolate milkshake. Not what he expected

“Do you want a fry? You’re staring”

He didn’t mean to stare. No one told him that his birthday was going to take this unexpected turn

“I’m fine, thanks...”

“Then loosen up. You might be a stiff but don’t tell me you have a stiff sense of humour?”

“My sense of humour is fine. I’m just not sure what I’m doing here”

“I want to get to know the man my son’s dating”

“If you want me to break up with Keith, that’s his choice to make”

Krolia dipped a fry in her milkshake, sending drops flying as she shook it

“Whoa. Hold up. Okay. No. Keith is well and truly able to make his own choices... I’m making a mess of this”

He couldn’t talk to Krolia like she was a regular person. The Blades were all weird. He needed to remember Keith’s initial social weirdness and work around it

“No... no. I’m being cranky. I feel like I’m breaking Keith’s trust and it’s not a great a feeling. Your son... he’s amazing. He really is. He’s so smart and funny. He’s complicated and awkward, but he’s so... You’re missing out. He wants to know you, but he’s scared of being alone. He gets scared when he feels out of control and lashes out. Thinking that it’s better to push everyone away before they get to see how much he’s hurting. He gets lonely really easily. And he’s so sweet. Even if our first date was a bit weird, he’s always trying his best”

Lance gushed. Word vomit came easy when he thought of all the ways that made his boyfriend made him happy. Keith wasn’t a perfect human, he had many flaws, like his failure to work without coffee, but Lance wasn’t perfect either. That was the thing about love though. They both knew they weren’t perfect but together they were muddling through it, while working on themselves as they did

“Do you want to see something?”

Lance had no idea where that question was going

“Okay?”

Pulling out her wallet, Krolia passed it over. Lance taking the silent hint to open it. Finding a well worn piece of paper in the back, his fingers shook as he pulled his out. A happy family staring back at him. Krolia, so in love with her partner, a mother’s smile on her lips at Keith, bundled in his father’s arms

“We don’t keep a lot of personal items being Blade members. The newer generation does, but we’re all prepared to die. Every mission I’ve been on, that photos waited for me to come home to. Giving them up broke my heart. It took everything I had not to go back. I really thought Keith would have a better life if I wasn’t there”

“Have you shown him this?”

“No. He wouldn’t listen if I tried”

“Then you need to keep trying”

“Maybe...”

Whatever Krolia was thinking was wrong

“My family isn’t happy. I know what it’s like to have distance and it fucking sucks. Keith... he always feels like no one sees him as anyone other than your son or Shiro’s little brother. He wants... he wants to be accepted how he is and who he is. Krolia, he’s such a good man. He really is. I always kept a distance. I never ever thought something like me could have the love of someone as amazing as him. He wants to know about you. About his dad. What you like. How you became a Blade member. He wants to be closer to you. I shouldn’t be saying any of this because I don’t want to be in the middle of it, but I will always, always be on his side. I can’t forgive you if you hurt him. I can’t. I can’t even cope with him liking me because he’s just... he’s just Keith and he’s amazing how he is”

“I don’t know how to tell him. He was so cute as a child. He had this purple hippopotamus that he’d carry everywhere. His father couldn’t send me updates on him, but... He was the sweetest little thing. He loved that hippo so much. He loved riding on his dads shoulders... he... he was so cheeky, so happy... he’d probably hate the memory if he knew that hippo came from me. You know, his dad named him. I wanted to call him Yorak, but he wouldn’t have it. And I wouldn’t have Keith any other way”

Keith wouldn’t hate the memory. Any memory Krolia could share with him was a memory Keith had lost along the way. Krolia really did love Keith

“I know it’s old and cliche, but if you can’t find the words write them down. And this photo, this photo would bring him so much comfort. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know he’s lost most of the memories of his dad”

Krolia went silent for a bit. Lance had really meddled too much. He’d said more than he wanted to, and this meeting really was hurting his heart because he felt so guilty that Keith didn’t know about it

“Maybe”

Her reply didn’t give him much

“Can I call Keith? I really don’t feel comfortable”

“Yeah. I only really wanted a chance to meet you alone to see what you thought of Keith and if you were serious with dating him. He’s precious to me. Leaving him has broken me like nothing else ever has. Anything else is a bonus. I’m glad my son has someone who sees him... even if you’re old enough to be his father”

“Don’t remind me. I have no idea what he sees in me”

He was dead. Old. Grumpy and didn’t like crowds... he didn’t have much to offer

“I think I have some idea”

Shiro answered Keith’s phone, explaining that Keith was busy. Quickly Lance unloaded on him that he was at lunch with Krolia and wanted Keith to know so there wouldn’t be a misunderstanding. Shiro sounded surprised, then understandably nervous about telling Keith.

Half an hour passed before Curtis, Shiro, and Keith arrived at the pub. Keith ready to explode into a fit of rage

“What the hell?!? What do you think you’re doing?!”

Lance flinched. Yep. This was why he was scared of...

“I’m sorry...”

Huffily, Keith crossed his arms. Lance unable to look at him. He’d known this was wrong. He felt physically sick...

“I wasn’t talking to you. I know this had to be mum’s idea”

Krolia defending him had Lance sliding down in his chair

“Don’t be mad at him. The whole time he was here he wanted to call you”

“Maybe he should have done that to begin with, or maybe you shouldn’t have kidnapped my fucking boyfriend”

“Babe...”

“No. I know you would have agreed because you’re too nice. I’ve been stressing all morning and now you’re having lunch with her”

Lance didn’t mean to turn on the waterworks. Keith was lashing out and every comment felt like a hit to the gut. All he’d really wanted was a nice simple day with Keith on his birthday

“Keith, I think that’s enough”

Placing his hand on Keith’s shoulder, Shiro seemed to know how Lance felt. He knew that Lance didn’t want to be here and how much it hurt to feel like he was betraying Keith

“I’m sorry... I know. I know. I didn’t want to be in the middle of you and your mum. I know I fucked up”

Sliding out the booth, Lance blindly pulled all the bills out his wallet, leaving them on the table before slipping past Keith. This was another bad birthday in a long line

“Lance”

Keith called his name softly, Lance looking at his boyfriend through a fresh wave of tears

“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry I hurt you”

Once again he was fleeing... with absolutely no place to go other than to his Mami because he’d really done it this time.

*

Keith knew he was acting out. He knew and the words still came out. What was his mother thinking taking Lance to lunch like this?!

“This is the part where you’re supposed to go after him. He only met with me because I wanted to talk about you, and get to know him better”

“You had no right”

Yeah. Keith knew this. Lance couldn’t say no because he had a stupidly big heart. That’s what made him such an idiot crumpet. His boyfriend was trying to let them work this out for himself but Keith couldn’t.

Pushing her empty plate towards Lance’s barely poked at salad, Krolia twisted to face him properly

“What am I supposed to do when you keep shutting me out? I want to be in your life. I want to learn about you from you. I thought maybe we could have a nice lunch and talk. That’s all. That man seriously loves you. He said repeatedly he didn’t want to meddle and you should have heard how he talked about you. You need to go after him and apologise”

Like his mother would be the first one he’d listen too about relationship advice. He already knew he had to apologise. He didn’t need her telling him

“What would you know?”

“Because I know how devastating it is to miss your opportunity!”

Keith didn’t know what to say to that. Shiro’s hand was digging into his shoulder now. They all had regrets. Things said and left unsaid... He shouldn’t have blown up at Lance. He knew he shouldn’t have. Triply so on his boyfriend’s birthday

“I don’t know where he could have gone”

“He was parked in front of VOLTRON when I ran into him”

Keith shook his head at his mother

“Lance knows we have a mission today and wouldn’t want to be in the way”

“Where else would he go?”

“I talked to Pidge before and he wouldn’t be going back to Platt. Rieva and Matt stole a cow and Lance wasn’t happy at all over it”

So his boyfriend was already having a bad birthday before Keith made it worse

“Perhaps he went to Miriam? If he knew he couldn’t see Allura or Coran at the moment?”

Curtis was a genius. Lance had to be headed to see his Mami

“Shiro, I need your keys”

“I don’t know if I should let you drive...”

“Give me your keys or your collectables get tossed”

Shiro’s eyes went wide as he pulled away

“You wouldn’t. Not my limited collectables...”

Fuck the stupid things. He had to apologise for being a douche canoe

“I would for Lance. I need to... I need to see him”

Shiro pulled his keys out, passing them over

“Don’t forget you need to be at VOLTRON at one”

“I’ll be there”

As Shiro passed his keys over, his mother cheered him on

“Go get your man!”

*

Keith felt awkward about visiting the nursing home without Lance beside him. The staff kind of recognising that he’d been there, so all it took was a quick explanation before he was signed in and shown through to the garden area where Lance was cuddles up with his mother. This felt like a terrible idea on his behalf. Lance probably never wanted to talk to him again. He was so fucking good at ruining things. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Keith slowly walked over to the pair. Miriam holding Lance as Lance cried softly against her shoulder. Shit. What if Miriam hated him for making Lance cry? He hated him for making his boyfriend cry.

“Mijo, you have a visitor”

Miriam offered him something that wasn’t a smile, nor was it a frown. All Keith could describe it as was a “mum look”. Yeah. He’d fucked up, and she knew that he knew, and he knew she knew and now he was expected to do something about it

“Babe...”

Lance clung to his mother. Miriam sighing at him

“Mijo, you can’t ignore Keith”

“He wants to break up because I hurt him”

Miriam glanced at him around Lance

“That’s the clearest he’s been since he showed up. Would you like to explain what happened?”

Keith sighed. He really wanted to sit on the other side of Lance and cuddle him until he calmed down

“My psychotic mother kidnapped him for lunch and he was too nice to say no”

“Lunch sounds like a lovely idea”

Was Miriam messing with him, or did she think he and Krolia were suddenly going to besties

“It would be if it wasn’t my mother’s attempt at meddling”

Miriam smile fondly, moving her hand to pat the spot behind Lance

“It’s a mother’s job to meddle within reason...”

That was Miriam meddling. Sitting on the edge of the bench, Keith’s stomach was a pit of nerves as he rested his forehead against Lance’s shoulder, hand moving to rest just past Lance’s elbow

“I deserved to be punched in the dick”

Lance sniffled loudly, hiccuping as he wrestled his tears under control

“I don’t want to be in the middle. I want you two to work it out together. I know it was wrong... but she wanted to know if you’re okay... and I got to see a photo of your dad... she really fucking loves you and I don’t want to pressure you... and I don’t want you to keep fighting. I want you to be happy. Stupid Matt and Stupid Rieva stole a cow. Pidge dressed as a vampire. Hunk didn’t give me food because he thinks I don’t like eating normal food. You’ve got a mission. Our whole night was changed. And you were so mad at me”

That was a lot of “ands”. Lance didn’t seem to be having a good day at all, or everything he’d been trying to laugh off he couldn’t cope with now Keith had messed up. He was mad. Mad. Scared. Confused. Hurt. Betrayed. And a dozen different words that made his heart race at the sight of them together at the pub

“I was... am... I just don’t see why you’d go out to lunch with her, or why you didn’t tell me sooner. You can’t let her bully you”

Smooth. Real. Fucking. Smooth. Maybe he could go on his mission and just not return? Perhaps the ground would swallow him whole so stopped being such a dick?

Lance placed his hand over Keith’s, still talking at mami’s chest rather than Keith

“But she’s your mum. I... I want to know more about you and her. I’m 19 years older than you. I’m not cool, or hip, or rad, or whatever the word is these days... I know you hate having to talk everything out... and I know you both are awkward as hell... but you’re hurting and I hate it”

“That’s not your pain, babe”

“It is because it’s yours. I want to be the one you lean on, not the one you feel you have to keep secrets from. I know it’s hard for you, and I felt so rotten that I couldn’t tell you before we talked”

“I’m the one who overreacted. I know you’ve got a good heart and I shouldn’t have snapped. It really hurt seeing you able to talk with her”

“I could barely say anything right. Please don’t be mad. I told her if she can’t find the right words to say to write them down. It doesn’t make up for her leaving, and what she says isn’t my business. I’m not trying to force you to talk her. You’ve got to move at your own pace and be ready when you do”

Keith knew that. He knew Lance respected him enough to handle this on his own and that his boyfriend only wanted what was best for him. It was a little early, but he really wanted some time with Lance before the mission

“Mami, do you mind if I borrow Lance?”

“Heaven’s no. You two make up properly or neither of you get dessert tonight. I must say I’m looking forward to dinner”

“I hope you don’t mind. When I organised it, it was supposed to be just the three of us”

“Lance isn’t very good at handling his birthday... or his friends. Don’t worry about me, as long as you two work this out”

“We will. I’m sorry I upset him”

“Couples fight. Making up is the fun bit”

Lance snorted wetly, Keith didn’t know what kind of face to make when Mami was hinting at sex so openly

“Mami!”

“Go have a good time with your boyfriend. I’m very proud of you, Mijo. Happy birthday, my precious little boy”

“Mami, I’m 45”

“And you’ll always be my precious little boy. Go on. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time with Keith”

Lance seemed lost as they walked back to where they’d parked, Keith finding a spot across from Lance. Almost shyly he asked

“What do you want to do?”

His boyfriend was too cute

“I’ve got the hotel key... I know it’s early, but I’ve still got time before the mission. It’s your birthday, and I really want to spend some time with you”

“You haven’t even said it”

“That’s because I’m waiting until we’re at the hotel. You want to lead and I’ll follow? You’re probably better at finding this place again...”

A smile finally crept across Lance’s lips

“You do have a habit of getting lost”

“Directionally misplaced. Get your phone out and I’ll send you the address”

“Sounds good... babe... I really am sorry”

Keith couldn’t not hold his boyfriend. Wrapping his arms around Lance, he melted into the hold

“I’m sorry too. There’s no excuse for how I acted”

“I get it... I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah, babe”

[daresplaining]

[ID: Excerpt from Bendis’s Daredevil run. Matt Murdock and Milla Donovan are alone in Matt’s office at Nelson & Murdock, talking.]

Milla: “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. But I-- I just couldn’t think of any way to approach you other than this.”

Matt: “It’s just that you are mistaken about my being Daredevil. That story just isn’t--”

Milla: “I can’t stop thinking about what happened the other day. When you saved me from that truck-- it really... I mean, I know you are in situations like that... every day... but I am not. Nothing like that has ever-- This is hard to say out loud... The whole situation-- It-- it had an effect on me that I can’t describe. I can’t describe to you why I came down here. I have never done anything like this before and I certainly have never spoken to someone-- Someone I don’t know-- Like this before... In fact, even with you pretending that it wasn’t you as Daredevil who saved my life... this is as intimate a conversation I have had with a man since college. ...I just need to speak with you again. To-- Thank you for saving me. Hmm... This-- this is very embarrassing. I’m going to go.”

Matt: “What do you do, Milla?”

Milla: “What do I do?”

Matt: “For a living.”

Milla: “I work at the Hell’s Kitchen Housing Commission.”

Matt: “You find poor people a place to live...”

Milla: “And we do a lot of environmental testing. Lead and soil. You wouldn’t believe how some people have to live.”

Matt: “Milla... Do you see a logic in that even if, let’s say, I had been the one that [...] tossed you into that clothing store-- Do you see how I wouldn’t be able to tell you that? Do you see how admitting something like that would be very... dangerous for me and for you.”

Milla: “Do you eat food? [...] Would you like to... have dinner with me tonight?”

Matt: “Milla, I can’t take responsibility for you."

Milla: “I’m sorry?”

Matt: “This tabloid mess I’m in. With everyone thinking I’m Daredevil. It’s created a situation around me where no one is really, truly safe. Everyone who works in this office. Everyone in my life-- as long as there’s this feeling that I might be Daredevil... There are people-- vulgar people who could-- I just can’t take responsibility for you.” 

Milla: “Hmm, well... Are we still talking hypothetically?”

Matt: “Oh, yes.”

Milla: “Well, hypothetically, can you imagine a situation where a girl, like myself, might have known all about this before sucking up the courage to walk in here and approach someone, like you, like this? The way I see it-- a girl doing all that is clearly taking responsibility for herself. I don’t live in fear. It is funny how you immediately took my responsibility on yourself... But I guess that’s a topic we could talk about over dinner.”

Matt: “Can I think about it?”

Milla: “Sure. But just for the record... I never mentioned anything about a clothing store.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #43 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Matt Hollingsworth

    I hesitated about posting this whole scene because it’s long, particularly when transcribed (Bendis really loves dialogue), but I decided that cutting it up or condensing it would be doing it too much of a disservice. It’s a great scene, and there’s a lot going on, and I wanted to include all of it. 

    Part of what I like so much about Milla is how ordinary she is. This is true of many other Daredevil side characters as well, but always only to a certain degree. Karen Page is a successful and glamorous actress for a while. Heather Glenn is a wealthy heiress. Glori O’Breen is a revolutionary. Dakota North is a supermodel-turned-private eye. Rosalind Sharpe is... Rosalind Sharpe. Kirsten McDuffie comes close, but there is still something polished about her-- her effortless snark, her ability to kick butt when needed. There’s nothing wrong with this-- I love it, in fact (see my thoughts on Glori’s character development in particular), but it is the nature of many non-superhero characters in superhero media to still feel slightly larger than life, and so it’s nice to find one who is more down-to-earth.  

    Another major factor in this is the use of perspective. Matt is the protagonist, and thus we see (“see”) most of his co-stars from his point-of-view. We are in his head, experiencing their behavior. This is particularly true of his romantic interests-- yes, we see scenes of them doing things on their own, but for the most part, the lens of Matt’s perspective and knowledge is always present. But Milla is engaging because-- while we do spend a good amount of time in Matt’s head when she is around-- there are some very hefty scenes in which we are made clearly aware of Milla’s perspective too. Her introductory scene takes place before she has even met Matt (thus, we know her better than he does), and their first meeting is much more from her point-of-view that it is from his. We watch her experience that encounter, and we see the effect it has on her even though Matt does not. This is followed up by a very candid scene of Milla awkwardly discussing her interest in Daredevil with a friend, who laughingly teases her about it. Again, we are getting to know Milla on her own, separate from Matt. Bendis excels at crafting characters who feel real-- partly through, yes, his dialogue, which breaks many of the dialogue-writing conventions but does so in a way that, when it works, makes his characters sound extra genuine. We see Milla’s infatuation, her discomfort, and that makes it very easy to feel for her and identify with her, because even if we haven’t all had a crush, or tried to ask a superhero out on a date, we have all had embarrassing interactions with people, and this leads us to root for her. 

    All of this carries over into the pivotal above scene, in which Milla insinuates herself into Matt’s office and asks him if he eats food out on a date. I love this scene for a whole list of reasons. 

1. It’s super awkward. I mean, it gets better, but a person walking up to someone they’ve never officially met and thanking them for saving their life while the other person repeatedly insists that they did no such thing is going to be awkward no matter what, and Bendis makes the excellent decision of leaning into that reality rather than trying to soften it. It says a lot about Milla’s personality that in spite of this awkwardness, she still goes through with this and says what she came to say, and I then love her extra-humanizing “Hmm... this is very embarrassing. I’m going to go” when Matt just wordlessly stands there. (I also love “What do you do?” “What do I do?” Bendis is a master of this style of conversational humor.) They are both super uncomfortable, which causes us to sympathize with them, places them on equal footing, and makes the rest of the scene-- when they manage to work through the awkwardness-- all the more satisfying. 

2. It undercuts Matt’s secret identity angst. We all (I assume) love Kirsten McDuffie’s playful handwaving of Matt’s insistence that he isn’t Daredevil, and this scene is the spiritual predecessor to all of that. Milla is convinced that Matt is Daredevil-- so convinced that she has put herself in this uncomfortable position to talk to him about it-- and so she has no interest in even acknowledging his denials. She just ignores them. And it’s really funny. It has been said before (on this blog, and elsewhere) that Milla exists in this arc as the anti-Daily Globe. She figures out his secret identity and the results are positive. Matt has spent issues denying, arguing, scrambling to defend himself against prying journalists eager to lay his secrets bare, and then in strolls Milla with “I know you’re Daredevil, and I’m taking you out to dinner.” And then she gets that smooth calling of his bluff on her way out the door, which is just... fantastic. 

3. “I don’t live in fear”. And of course, we get one of Milla’s biggest character-defining pieces of dialogue. In some ways, it’s fairly standard-- Milla has a backbone, she isn’t frightened by the idea of hanging out with a superhero, and “I don’t live in fear” is an obvious reference to Matt’s own “Man Without Fear” epithet. But it’s a great, empowering speech, and it feels important. It gives Milla control in this conversation, and more than that, it gives her control in the relationship. She has chosen to seek Matt out, she has chosen to ask him out, and she has done it with the knowledge that it might not be safe. As the story goes on, we get the sense that whatever understanding she might have thought she had wasn’t quite accurate-- that she has definitely gotten in over her head. But in this moment, in this scene, it’s a powerful statement of intent and a comment on her character-- as a civilian, as a blind woman, and as a Daredevil love interest who is stepping into a legacy that’s drenched in blood. And I appreciate the facial expressions that Maleev gives Matt. You can tell that he is completely smitten with her, and that this speech has floored him. It’s fun to see him in this position, and it builds a strong grounding for the rest of their relationship. 

    I could go on. The artistic choice of placing a flowy, sensual painting behind Milla versus a closed window behind Matt was clearly intentional. I love the implication in the last panel that Foggy and Jessica were listening through the door. “Do you eat food?” always makes me laugh. This is one of my favorite Milla scenes, and with this creative team there’s always more to dissect. 

[aperrywilliams]

A Normal Conversation Ch10 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

Masterlist

Ch01 Ch02 Ch03 Ch04 Ch05 Ch06 Ch07 Ch08 Ch09 Ch10 Ch11 Ch12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17

———————

Chapter 10: One story at once

Summary:  What happened after the kiss in the FBI elevator?

Word Count: 4677

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. Do I need to add “fluff”? Maybe.

Warnings: Reference to kidnappings, sex, pregnancy deception and other stuff.

A/N:  Attention!!!! Some spoilers for Season 12 and, of course, Season 15.

——————–

"Of course it was a good way to salvage their third date" Max thought, being in her apartment and reviewing the events of the previous night and morning. She was exhausted, but she couldn't get the smile was drawn on her face. It was clear things like this don't happen to people like her every day.

For a moment, she felt anguish for his father and Eloise again, and reproached herself for not having gone with them to the family house from the BAU, but it was her own father who told her not to worry and leave with her ‘Non-boyfriend’.

What happened after was a mixture of sensations. From the fear and suffering of the night and then... "Oh Max, that kiss..." she thought. Tender, warm... innocent? No, not that. After they had been through that night, their first kiss was not innocent. Part of the repair on that terrible third date started with the kiss in the elevator, as well as other things she didn't expect, yet.

It wasn't a long kiss, but when it ended neither of them wanted to distance themselves. They were united by their foreheads while giving each other a smile. So focused on looking at each other they didn't notice when the elevator had stopped and opened its doors in the subway.

"I think we need to get out of the elevator..." Max whispered to Spencer.

"Yes... I know…" Spencer replied. But none moved. He still had his hands on Max's cheeks. The elevator doors closed again. Spencer quickly reached out one of his arms to press the open button, even without taking his eyes off Max. After a sigh he pulled away from her so they could leave the elevator. Once outside both let out a nervous laugh looking at the floor.

"It worked…?" Spencer asked looking up at Max. She smiled nodding.

"I think so. A bit… at least ” Max said with a smirk.

"Only a bit?" Spencer argued.

"Yep . Don’t think it will be easy for you to fix this disaster" said Max.

"I know... it really was a disaster, wasn't it?" Spencer said as they started walking through the parking lot.

“A big one. I never thought I would be in the middle of a dispute between a fed and a psychopath” said Max shaking her head.

"And I thought this kind of things was a regular occurrence..." Spencer tried to joke. Max tapped him lightly on his forearm.

"Buddy, speak for yourself. Precisely this kind of things are the I would not like to repeat. I'm exhausted” Max said as they walked to Spencer's car.

“But you did an excellent job Max. Without training and you kept me in the dark all night… you should be proud of yourself for hoaxing a professional profiler” Spencer took the car keys out of his blazer.

"It wasn't my idea, by the way..." Max said shaking her head not taking Spencer's praise. Even if things had turned out well, risk had been high and the gamble could have cost them dearly.

"Yes I know. But Matt was right, if I had known it would not have worked. Cat would have noticed…” Spencer reflected.

"Agg , that name again. Could you just not mention her name anymore for now?” Max said raising her hand and looking away, as if she didn't want to invoke her.

"Sorry, I’m Sorry. My mistake". Spencer opened the passenger door, inviting Max get in.

"Thank you ..." Max said with a sigh. She could see fatigue in his eyes. It had been a long night for everyone. And while she was sure Spencer was as physically and emotionally drained as she was, at least she was aware of the situation long before Spencer. That made her feel a little guilty.

“Come on, I'll take you to your apartment. You have to rest” said Spencer, closing the passenger door, then getting in the car and starting off from the FBI parking lot.

Max gave Spencer enough commands to know where to lead. Halfway there they were both silent. Max looked out the window and felt her heavy eyes. Spencer was driving and suddenly saw Max, with her head resting on the window, closing her eyes every so often. He didn't want to disturb her, so he didn't interrupt the silence. But he couldn't help but look at her. She looked beautiful despite her messy hair and obvious exhaustion. His heart pounded louder as he became aware of that feeling.

When they reached the front of the building, Spencer parked the car. Max was already more awake after having dozed in the car on the way.

"It is here?" Spencer asked, looking out the window at the building.

"Yes, here it is" said Max, sitting up.

"Good" Spencer said, stopping the car's engine.

"Thanks for bringing me" Max said, cracking her neck after the position she was through the car trip.

"It's the least I could do after the night I put you through..." Spencer lowered his head. He was embarrassed and did not know what to say. Many things had been exposed and he wasn't sure if Max would be willing to dig deeper into those matters, at least at the moment.

"Hey! ..." Max said, meeting Spencer’s gaze and taking his arm. "It's not your fault. And it's already over. It is reason enough to be peaceful, don't you think?” she said trying to encourage him.

“Even if I wanted to believe you… you have to admit I’m at fault in this matter. If it wasn't for me… ‘her’ wouldn't have kidnapped your dad and Eloise…” he said with his hands clenching the steering wheel of the car, as a way of relieving his frustration at hearing his own words.

"... And it is thanks to you and your team they are alive and well..." Max interrupted. "Please Spencer, don't give that psycho too much credit..."

"Okay ... okay, you're right" Spencer said raising his hands in surrender. "The truth is... I’m pleasantly surprised you take it with those calm and you haven’t hit me in the face... yet". They both laughed. After a silence, Max opened the car door to get off. But she stopped before descending. She knew they had to talk, but Max wasn't sure if he would be willing to go deeper into the subject. She didn't want to push him either, but if it wasn't the time, when?

"Spencer?..." said Max

"Yes ...?" He turned to look at her.

"Do you want to come in?... I think we could both get a coffee and talk for a while. I can prepare something to eat too... I'm starving... " Max said trying to taste waters. After a little silence, Spencer spoke.

"Yeah ... sure, I'd like to..." He nodded, taking the keys out of the car's ignition.

They got out of the car. Spencer closed his door, activated the alarm, and they get into the building on way to the elevator. Max pressed the button to go up. The doors opened and they entered and Max tapped number 4. They were both silent the short time it took for the elevator to reach Max's floor. When the doors opened, they got out and Max started walking towards the end of the hallway as she took apartment keys out of her purse. Spencer followed her silently until they reached the door. Max put the keys in the lock by turning the handle to open the door. She entered and behind her Spencer who closed the door.

"Welcome Dr. Reid to my home" Max said as she took off her jacket and hung it on the coat rack along with her purse. Immediately after, Spencer took her hand and stopped her for a moment. Max didn't understand what was happening, she turned to look at him curiously. "Spencer...?" she asked as began to feel her pulse racing again. Reid stared at her without saying anything. "Something wrong?" Max insisted.

"No. Nothing is wrong actually." he said and without releasing her hand, he moved more closer to her. With the free hand he took one of her cheeks and leaned down enough to have his face in front of hers. He stared at her for two seconds, then collapsed his lips on hers. By such a sudden kiss, Max could only close her eyes and let herself be carried away for the moment. With arms wrapped around his neck griped his curls, while Spencer grabbed her waist. It was a kiss clearly more intense than the one they had given in the FBI elevator. They could both feel a tickle kept them without separating. Feeling each other's breath was a feeling had them trapped and completely carried. Only when they realized were running out of breath they did pull away just enough to breathe.

"And that… what was about?" Max asked almost in a whisper.

"Honestly?... I wanted to do it again since we got out of the FBI elevator ..." Spencer said quietly as he stroked Max’s hair who had now laid her hands on his chest. She smiled as they looked at each other. Max could have melted at that moment from Spencer's eyes and how he looked at her. It was as if from one moment to the next the shyness which he had approached her before had vanished. The confidence she saw in his eyes was new and she could not understand whether it was something emerged after recent events or was always there and she was not able to notice it before.

"And you endured all the way here?... What would you have done if I didn't invite you up?" Max asked jokingly.

"I should have kissed you in the car" Spencer said with a shrug. Max widened her eyes and smiled.

"Everything well thought out, isn't Dr. Reid?" she said laughing.

"No. Nothing well thought out. On the opposing. I don't have everything coldly calculated although I would like to. Last night I showed you, in spite of myself, I can be a human mess trying to follow plans…”. Max smiled and wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck again. She rose to her feet and fixed her lips on his. This time it was she who kissed him. Max's kiss was short but intense enough to make Spencer sigh.

"An adorable mess... I must say" Max whispered into his ear, making Spencer flinch a little. Then she pulled away and after giving him a smile she started walking to the kitchen. “It's time for coffee and some toasts, as I promised you. Get comfortable, I'll be back in a few minutes” she said.

"The truth is, I'm starving..." Spencer said taking off his blazer and leaving it in a corner of the couch where he sat following her with his eyes.

"I’m starving too. And I must tell you as modern as the FBI building is, the candy from dispensers sucks…” Max said from the kitchen. Reid couldn't help but laugh.

"Isn’t a strong point of the bureau, I recognize it..." Spencer sentenced.

Spencer began spotting the apartment from where he was sitting. It was not a very big place. He was in the living room and there was only a couch and a table with two chairs, one of them with a window view. In one corner was a small desk on which was a laptop and several stacked folders. At the other end he noticed a small library where he could only see a few thick books on painting and art history. In the hall there was a piece of furniture with a small chandelier and some frames with photos of Max and her family. He recognized Dom, Eloise and Michelle. In another photograph Max was with a little Sammy. There was another woman in one of the photographs. Spencer was able to bet she was Max's mom, she had the same features and the same smile.

Then he looked at the walls, which were covered in cream-colored wallpaper. One of them had a collage painting with landscape paintings in the style of the 18th century. In another there were some colored pendants adorned with feathers that gave a more cheerful aesthetic to the place. Spencer couldn't help but think his own department was clearly much more boring than hers.

When Max returned from the kitchen she had a plate of toast and two mugs of coffee. She put them on the table, sitting on one of the chairs. Spencer rose from the couch and joined her, sitting down in the remaining chair. Max handed him his mug of coffee.

"It's not like as coffee shop, but it will help" Max said a little embarrassed and shrugged.

"It smells great" Spencer said, holding the mug up for a first sip. Max started eating her first toast.

"Hopefully the flavor will do even a little justice to the scent" she said with a laugh. Spencer nodded.

"Enough to say I'm enjoying this ... coffee" he said before taking another sip, grabbing a toast off the plate and taking a bite.

"Good. I relax knowing it”. Max held her mug in both hands  gently as she blew to avoid burning herself with the hot liquid. Spencer taken a second toast, not sure if it was because his appetite or because he had an excuse for to not start an awkward conversation. It was only fair he explain some things to Max, but he did not know where to start. After another sip of coffee, he took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Well... I suppose there are things I must explain to you about what happened last night..." said Spencer talking slowly.

"Yes, I think so. But Spencer, I don't want this to become an awkward interrogative. So just tell me what you think is important for me to know. I'll save the most difficult questions for another time..."

"Ok. I’ll start with the obvious. Cat Adams. What did you get to know about that?”

"Okay. García said she has existed for some years and the first time you beat her you was making her think you had found her dad. Which was a lie and during all these years she held a resentment looking for a way to get revenge from you. Then she had her chance in Mexico framing you for a crime which… had you in jail for 3 months! Spencer how the hell…?” Max was overwhelmed just by mentioning it. Spencer slowly nodded.

"I know what it sounds like, but I don't want you to think you have to feel sorry for it" Spencer said as he fixed his eyes on Max's.

“It's hard… I mean, it's hard for me to imagine you in such a situation. It is obvious an experience like that changes people. And I'm not at all surprised at least you have nightmares after that. I can't even think how you could bear it.”

“You have a point. It is an experience that changes people. I am not proud in the least of that. But yes, it is clear there is a Spencer Reid before and after jail… ”

"I think so ..." Max said as she took another sip of coffee.

"Well. Cat has that feature. As a good psychopath she can become obsessed with a goal and go deep inside yourself to achieve it. In this case, me... and my family. The second time I had to face her, I just was released from prison. She had kidnapped my mom with an accomplice form outside. That was true. It was true I also reacted badly, at first I thought her accomplice had killed my mom when I felt an explosion on the phone. It was an instinctive reaction. That was the moment I threw her… against a wall and tried… to chook her…”. Spencer swallowed with a little difficulty. He inspected Max's face, which showed no indication of annoyance or anger as he did when she was 'pretending' in his apartment. And while the real consequences were not the loss of Cat's fetus, he still felt miserable for having done that to a woman, whether or not she was a psychopath like Cat Adams.

“I don't know if I could have really done it, but up to that point there I had so much rage, anger, pain, anguish… maybe I would have done it if J.J. hadn't pulled me away from her. I don't know if I felt bad afterwards because of what I had done, or tried to do, or because she was smiling because I lose my temper… in any case, I don't feel good about it either…” he said shaking his head with a bitter smile.

"She pushed you to the limit..."

“The kind of limit I never thought I'd cross. Plus there was this whole pregnancy story. I didn't know what to think about it. It could have been all lies or all truth. It was impossible for me to read her in that minute. I was frustrated. Although improbable and with methods I didn't think she could use, there was a remote possibility she was expecting a child of mine. Very bizarre, out of all understanding…”

" Still you managed to get your mom back safe and sound..."

"The team did, I just tried to get some small advantage in Cat’s game despite she had me in her hands most of the time...". Spencer drank the little remained coffee is his mug and took another piece of toast off the plate.

"Did she know at the time you had managed to block her plans?" Max asked.

"Yes, at that very moment. We managed to get her accomplice to see how she admitted having become pregnant to serve her own revenge, something she did not expect to admit given they had a romantic relationship in theory…”

"That must have hurt her..."

“I clearly didn't care at the time. Although she did have a point during all that time I was trying to extract information from her: I had changed, although not becoming the person she expected… I think”

"And now? What did she wanted to prove if you already knew the effect she had on your life?"

"Show it to the rest of the people. Make me look like someone dangerous, who could harm people. Ruin any emotional bond I may have with others. Exhausting any chance to rebuild my life... with you". Max swallowed hard at such a statement. Reid noticed it and hurried to continue his explanation. "What I mean... is she took advantage of the fact we were dating to cancel any option we could move towards a relationship... she knew it was possible and that's why she did it" Max nodded, leaving her empty coffee mug on the table.

"Okay. But she failed” she said taking his hand. Spencer smiled, however, deep inside he was scared. What if after all adrenaline went down Max wanted to step aside? If she considered he, as a human mess, wasn't worth the try for to be in a relationship? He was afraid to say it, but his voice was faster than his brain this time.

"Are you sure?" he asked with a sad grimace.

"I don't understand what you mean..." Max said shaking her head.

"Are you sure she didn't put doubts in your mind?... About me? About who I really am?"

"I find it kind of odd you ask me that..." Max said tilting her head to find Spencer’s gaze who had gotten lost in his coffee mug.

"Why…?" he replied, seeing up at her.

“I am not going lie to you, I have been very curious about you since the first day I met you. And of course I have had doubts... rather questions, I think. I'm sure you have some on me too. But contrary to what you say, I think now I know a little more... I understand you a little more. And although I still have millions of questions about your life, I can assure you that psychopath failed to sow neither fear nor hatred in me towards you". Spencer couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

"It's good to hear that..." he said gently squeezing her hand he still held.

"Hey… besides, after those kisses, do you think I would be willing to step aside now?" Max said laughing. Spencer started laughing too although he couldn't help but blush.

“Max… I'm really sorry all of this went so fast. I would have liked you to find out about these things for me and not for 'her'…”.

"I agree with you in that point. But we don't always get what we want, right?” Max said. Spencer nodded.

"Just... a very few times, actually" Spencer said as he took the last piece of toast with his free hand and began to eat it. Max could see Spencer's gaze darken after saying that. She squeezed his hand to make his look at her.

“Hey! It may be a few times, but those are the ones that are worth it” said Max giving him a smile.

"You're right. That must be why I can't even let go of your hand… yet” Spencer said smiling back. Max couldn't help but blush. Spencer noticed it and wanted to go further "You know? Maybe my 'type' are not the bad girls after all, but rather the bold girls… you could perfectly consider yourself in that group”

"Are you kidding?" Max said even more flushed.

"Of course not. In fact, realizing you played Cat's game and she believed you… I find it very… sexy, to tell the truth”. Max nervously released Spencer's hand and got up from the chair.

"I think we need more toast and coffee..." Max said taking the plate from the table and heading to the kitchen. Without thinking twice, Spencer got up behind her and taking her by the waist made her turn to look at him.

"Hey, can't I just praise you?" he asked smiling.

"Sure you can ... I like your praises" said Max.

"I like to give them to you" he said with a smirk. Max set the plate down on the kitchen counter, placing her hands on Spencer's chest.

"I like… you..." Max said as she stared at him, with a flirtatious smile as she played with his tie.

"I like… how that sounds". Spencer leaned down and searched Max's lips as he pulled her with his hands pressed to her waist. Max wrapped his arms around Spencer's neck as they kissed. With one of her hands Max caressed Spencer's hair around his ear. Some sighs were heard from both of them. Max was leaning against the kitchen counter and Spencer had no intention of moving. Max pushed him away slightly so she could speak.

"Where did you learn to kiss like that...?" she said whispering and almost out of breath.

"I don't know… and I don’t know why we didn't do this earlier..." Spencer said trying to find Max's lips again. Max pushed him away a bit so she could speak again.

"Remember... taking things slow..." said Max. They both laughed.

"We weren't counting we were going to be on a roller coaster last night" Spencer said as he patted Max's back by tracing small circles with his fingertips.

"I think 'this' the only thing I could thank that psychopath for". They both smiled as Max rose to meet Spencer's lips again. Max herself broke the kiss after a few seconds to speak. "While I sure could be doing this much longer without complaining... I think we deviated from the main goal: coffee and conversation, remember?" Spencer nodded.

"You're right, although I wouldn't have to listen to you for that, right?"

"Now will you be a rebellious Dr. Reid?"

“The idea is tempting… but it would betray my way of being. So I will set you free and go back to my place on the couch”. Spencer said, giving her one last kiss and then doing exactly what he said. Max picked up the plate from the counter again and made more toast and coffee.

Max came back with coffee and toast and sat next to Spencer on the couch. While they ate they continued talking about the events of that night. Spencer used the conversation to tell her about his mom, her schizophrenia and Alzheimer. He told her about his dad's absence and how complex all had been for his family and personal life. Max was listening very intently trying to intervene little so as not to interrupt Spencer. She knew these were complex issues in his life and she didn't want to make it more tough for him.

When Spencer finished speaking Max was only able to approach him looking for his hug. With one of his cheeks pressed to his chest she began to speak. "Thank you for trusting me and telling me these things. I really appreciate it" Spencer smiled and could only hold onto Max as he kissed her head.

"Thank you for listening. And for not running away. Although technically, I should thank you for not kicking me out since we are in your apartment…”. They both laughed. The hug was broken by the sound of Max's phone.

"Sorry..." She got up to pick up the phone. It was her sister Michelle. "Hello, Michelle". As he spoke she got up from the couch to go to the kitchen carrying the plate and the empty mugs that were on the coffee table. She watched Spencer rise from the couch and grab his blazer to leave. Max was still talking as she returned and took his arm gesturing for him not to leave. "Michelle, wait a second". She put his hand over the receiver and spoke to Spencer. "Don't go, I'll try to be brief". Spencer nodded and sat back down on the couch. Max paced from the kitchen to her room talking to Michelle. Spencer listened as Max told her some things about last night, without being very detailed. He felt bad about Max had to explain to Michelle about the risk her father and younger sister were set last night. When Max hang up the call she looked at Spencer and shrugged.

“Michelle had no idea about anything and called my dad who briefly told her what happened. So she called me"

"Understandable, she must have been worried..." Spencer said looking down at the floor.

"No, don't do that again..." Max knew Spencer was going to torture himself again saying it was his fault. She sat down next to him and took his hand. “We already talked about this. Neither my dad nor Eloise blame you for anything. Michelle won't either” Spencer nodded.

"Okay... okay, I won't. What I will do is leave. We both need to rest" He got up from the sofa and took his blazer.

"Yes, I know" said Max, accompanying him to the door. "Can I ask you one last thing?"

"Of course, whatever you want".

"Could you send me a text when you get home?... you're as sleep deprived as I am and you're going to drive home still" Spencer smirked at Max's concern.

"I promise" he took her by the waist to kiss her as a goodbye.

"If you keep kissing me like that, next time I won't let you go" Max joked. Spencer returned a smile.

"I'll keep it in mind". He gave her one last kiss and started walking to the elevator. Max closed the door and leaned against it letting go a deep sigh.

“Easy Max. It has been a rough day. Let the boy rest too” she told herself. Then she went to lie down on her bed for a deserved nap. Before falling asleep she felt the phone vibrate. Spencer had sent her a message: "Safe and sound." She left the cell phone on the nightstand and fell into a deep sleep.

——————–

[jippy-kandi]

Digimon Adventure tri. – Complete Series Review (English Dub)

Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna revitalised my waning interest in Digimon. So much so that I felt like rewatching tri. – but, seeing as I’ve never seen the English dub of it, I decided that would be my “rewatch”! I grew up with the English dub of Digimon, so I have a very soft spot for it. I still think the original Japanese version is far superior, but the English dub really was my childhood.

Under the cut are brief thoughts on the English voice actors, and then a lot more thoughts on the series – or, rather, just what came to mind as I was rewatching the movies. As it turns out . . . most of that was just my intense dislike for certain parts of Matt and Tai’s characterisation.

Note: I do mention Kizuna quite a bit in comparison to tri., but I don’t spoil anything (except for two lines that don’t impact the plot). I don’t think my Kizuna mentions will spoil your enjoyment of the film if you haven’t seen it.

English Voice Actors

Joshua Seth as Tai: PERFECT. He’s definitive Tai to me and he was amazing from the first movie to the last. All my dreams came true, etc. I was disappointed he didn’t return in Revenge of Diaboromon (where his replacement sounded like Joe . . .), but was happy at least Michael Reisz returned for that movie as Matt. But for tri. it was the opposite: Seth returned, but Reisz didn’t. :(

Vic Mignogna as Matt: MY EARS, THEY BLEED. He’s the actual reason I put off watching the English dub of tri. for years. I was so excited about the English dub, but then the very first promo clip of it with Matt speaking was released and I . . . it was truly horrific. He turned me off completely. And as soon as he spoke in Reunion, I had to stop the movie. BUT I EVENTUALLY SOLDIERED ON. OMG. He’s so terrible as Matt. There are a few lines he delivers that are . . . OK . . . but, mostly, he was a major miscast. I really hope Michael Reisz comes back for the probable Kizuna dub. I don’t care if they think he doesn’t have a low enough voice for adult Matt – he IS Matt to most Digimon fans worldwide. BRING HIM BACK.

Colleen O’Shaughnessey as Sora: PERFECT. Absolutely loved her, definitive Sora right here. Well, OK, I might love original Japanese kid Sora just a tiny bit more, lol. But she’s almost as great! I really wish I could’ve heard her conversing with Michael Reisz. :(

Philece Sampler as Mimi: PERFECT. It’s Mimi grown up, I’ve got no complaints, it doesn’t get better than this.

Mona Marshall as Izzy: PERFECT. Though isn’t it odd that a woman still voices him? Lol. I really appreciated that four of the old voice actors reprised their roles. I think it really helped with the nostalgia. I just wish all of them had returned.

Robbie Daymond as Joe: He was really good as Joe, but . . . he would’ve made an excellent Matt. Seriously. Every time he spoke, I kept thinking, “WHY DID THEY NOT CAST YOU AS MATT?” He just had to lose a bit of the “pathetic, nerd” effect in his voice and he would’ve made an AMAZING Matt. The voice director had no idea what he was doing.

Johnny Yong Bosch as T.K.: He made an excellent T.K., so I definitely approve. However . . . he also would’ve made an excellent Matt, if he aged his voice up a bit more. The English dub literally had TWO voice actors (T.K. and Joe’s) who could’ve voiced Matt better, but instead went for Vic Mignogna!? Seriously, what a fail. The only positive is that Matt and T.K. did sound like brothers . . . with T.K. having the far better voice.

Tara Sands as Kari: She was . . . OK. Sometimes she sounded way too old, though. She was decent enough . . . but her old voice actress was a lot better. Still, she wasn’t nearly as bad as Matt. *cough*

Cristina Vee as Meiko: Wow, her voice really annoyed me in the first two movies. But I think that’s because she was being all shy and wet blanket-y. She’s . . . OK in the end, I guess. Nothing special.

Cherami Leigh as Maki (“Hime”): I actually thought she was the most talented voice actor in the series. Her voice suited the character the most as well. I was super impressed with her. A+

Doug Erholtz as Daigo: He . . . sounds like an older version of 02 T.K., because that’s who he used to voice. It was odd when Daigo would talk with Matt, because I kept thinking Matt was talking to future T.K.. But he was fine as Daigo, I guess. (Off-topic: Japanese Daigo is voicing Japanese reboot Yamato . . . what is with Daigo and the Takaishidas!?)

Digimon Adventure tri.

I watched the tri. movies over a week. I wrote down my initial thoughts after each viewing, and then came back and expanded on them later. Because I didn’t want this post to be TOO long (even though . . . it is), I kept it mostly to my issues with the series instead of listing the things I liked. If you want, you can read my initial thoughts (including positive things) on each movie as they were originally released here. Below are my most “pressing” thoughts on a rewatch.

Chapter 1: Reunion

I still have major issues with Matt and Tai’s role-reversal in tri.. I think what annoys me the most is when a show asserts something that is simply not true. Tai saying Matt hasn’t changed at all (YES HE HAS, HE CHANGED INTO YOU AND YOU CHANGED INTO HIM). It’s one thing to just have that happen – but for a show to be obnoxious enough to SAY A LINE that is asserting something ridiculous just to put it into existence is irritating. “Matt hasn’t changed one bit.” = “Matt’s in-character because we say so, all right?” Annoying.

Matt was super aggressive and it really annoyed me. If you want to be very black and white, you’d say, “well he was pretty aggressive in Adventure”. But you’d be ignoring that he was only aggressive in Adventure in REACTION to someone else. Someone else HAD to set him off – usually Tai was pissing him off in some way, making an insensitive remark, etc.. But Tai ACTS first. Matt REACTS. But in tri., Tai does nothing and Matt just goes at him. That’s a loose cannon – and yes, there is a difference between having someone push your buttons and exploding, and . . . just . . . exploding.

Consider this example from Adventure: Matt puts up with Joe’s shit (really DemiDevimon) in the diner for a LONG time before exploding at him. Because that’s Matt. He’s an introvert who holds shit in before exploding, giving people a lot of chances and hoping it’ll work out. He doesn’t just explode unnaturally and often like in tri., as though it’s second nature to him (when it really isn’t). I really disliked how tri. devolved his character to that of the typical “brute” of the group (JUST to be Tai’s foil too, which made it even more annoying).

And, even though I haven’t seen the first season in YEARS, I still remember the “digimon graves” scene very clearly and how it characterised Matt and Tai perfectly (it summed up their ENTIRE characterisation – how their characters operated differently – in the first season). There are other scenes that present the same thing, but I think it’s THE definitive scene you need to know to have an issue with the “wrong” parts of Tai and Matt’s characterisation in tri..

They role-reversed that shit and it annoys me so much because Matt is so much more empathetic than Tai, but tri. turns him into an aggressive frat boy in Reunion and makes him lose all his perspective and observational skills -- which Adventure showed us he had a TONNE of (one of the things about him that made him my favourite character, and thus why it annoyed me SO much that they ignored this aspect of him completely to make him a “tsundere brute 9000”).

Basically, tri. got rid of the layers that made Matt and Tai who they were, and instead added “new layers” to them that MADE THEM INTO EACH OTHER. And then had the balls to ACT LIKE THEY’VE ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY – for Matt, anyway, where they had Tai explicitly state that he never changed (WTF? Not only is that obviously A LIE, but it’s also asserting that MATT DIDN’T GROW AT ALL). For Tai, he was “growing” . . . into Matt – where Matt himself had an issue with his friend being like him in the past. Yeah, seriously. What a mess.

I don’t often think characters are “out of character” (in any series – writers usually have a good grasp on their characters) – but I definitely did here.

As I once joked to a friend:

Adventure told me all the ways Taichi was going to top Yamato.

And tri. told me all the ways Yamato was going to top Taichi.

Score: 5/10.

Chapter 2: Determimation

So . . . let’s talk about the “meeting scene” where Matt gets angry that Joe never turned up because studying is more important to him, and Tai shuts him down and defends Joe by saying he has his reasons . . .

I disliked this scene a lot because I felt like, as in the first episode, their roles were 100% reversed. TAI would’ve gotten angry at Joe for not turning up (Tai prioritizes ACTION over inaction/emotions/everything else) and MATT would have defended Joe for not turning up to a digimon meeting, because he has more empathy for people and is more understanding than Tai.

I strongly felt this way the very first time I saw Determination – and I still strongly feel this way about it now. The scene was a COMPLETE role-reversal and thus why I had issues with it.

Well, guess what?

In KIZUNA a similar scene happens. After a digimon fight in the movie, TAICHI says something like “only four of us showed up!?” (read: HE HAS THE ISSUE) and YAMATO defends everyone who didn’t show up (saying something like they all have their own lives).

Oh shit, was that Tai prioritisng ACTION over inaction and personal responsibilities (EXACTLY like how he was in season one)?

Oh shit, was that Yamato BEING EMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING to others (EXACTLY like how he was in season one)?

THIS EXCHANGE IN KIZUNA WAS SO IN-CHARACTER THAT I NEVER THOUGHT ANYTHING OF IT.

I only remembered it when confronted again with the “meeting scene” in Determination – BECAUSE IT WAS THE REVERSE OF THE SCENE IN KIZUNA.

The Kizuna scene is just how the characters are in Adventure/02. Tai expects people to just fight, while Matt is empathetic. (HELLO AS WELL, DIGIMON GRAVES SCENE IN SEASON ONE.)

Seriously, tri. is really annoying with the Matt and Tai role-reversal. It’s my personal biggest criticism of the series because the characters are what I care about the most in Digimon, so if you’re going to switch them up – that shit is going to annoy me. No matter how bad a story is, at least do right by the characters and keep them in-character.

And I know the (very few) people who loved Matt and Tai’s role-reversal in tri. use the excuse of “tri. showing the characters growing” . . . But, man, I really can’t get behind that. Like, no, tri. just decided to switch Matt and Tai’s roles to serve their chosen plot (which is Tai growing up and becoming more ~mature – and I get it, it’s a GREAT theme to explore . . . but it shouldn’t have happened at the expense of BOTH their characterisations).

What “growth” is it when Matt is empathetic at 11, a frat boy arsehole at 17, and back to being empathetic at 22? What “growth” is it when Tai has always been a capable leader at 11 (because he KNOWS his priorities – which is WHY HE’S THE LEADER), suddenly frozen at 17 to an exhausting extent that even Matt never reached, and back to being the same capable leader with the SAME priorities at 22 that he had at 11? Yeah, that’s not growth. That’s mischaracterisation in one series.

Why do I have such an issue with this? Because it’s something that is FUNDAMENTAL to a person. You switch this ONE thing up and, suddenly, the person is operating as an entirely different person. Matt isn’t being Matt. Tai isn’t being Tai. It’s fundamental to WHO THEY ARE, and when you fuck with it, you’re essentially presenting an entirely different person. Matt doesn’t operate like that. Tai doesn’t operate like that. And it’s so obvious that the issue is with the WRITERS either not fully grasping their characters and/or just deliberately forcing it to fit their chosen plot (at the expense of the characters).

Anyway, I just feel really justified that tri. did Matt and Tai so wrong. Kizuna is BRILLIANT for any Taichi and Yamato fan who love the characters as they are in Adventure/02. I highly recommend it if you actually want to see the characters represented as they are in Adventure/02. Kizuna does NOT come across as fanfiction, which I think tri. really, really does (especially in the first two movies). I never once thought, watching Kizuna, that the characters were reinterpretations by a fanfiction author with Toei Animation funding – which is what I regularly thought in tri..

Score: 6/10.

Chapter 3: Confession

OK, this is a very slight thing (a brief line that was meant for laughs), but I’m on a roll regarding this issue, so why not? I’ll take another opportunity to get my point across.

T.K. says that fighting is Matt’s thing . . . yeah, no. Again, I dislike how tri. took ONE aspect of Matt’s character (how he fights with Tai a lot in Adventure) and EXAGGERATED THE HELL OUT OF IT. (The exaggeration here is that the line is supposed to summarise Matt as super aggressive in the entire series.) In tri., he is a tsundere brute with a capital T. And it reduces him to such a simple person, taking no considerations for his entire character. Matt in tri. seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face, like he was always grumpy. Chill, tri., Matt actually isn’t all that grumpy.

Go back and watch Adventure and 02. Matt is actually pretty laid-back – until someone ticks him off. But it has always been about EMOTIONS with Matt, NOT random acts of aggression. I wish the tri. writers knew the subtleties and nuances of Matt’s character better and didn’t just TURN HIM INTO TAI to be “new” Tai (OLD MATT’S) foil. Thank god Kizuna put things back to the way they were. Seriously, when you watch Kizuna, you REALLY feel like Toei went from:

Adventure -> 02 -> JUMPED STRAIGHT OVER TRI. WITH MATT AND TAI’S JARRING CHARACTERISATION -> Kizuna.

Anyway, that line was in a scene meant for laughs, so . . . it’s fine I guess. (I still judge the writers.) The only real con of the movie is that Meiko comes across as a wet blanket who doesn’t deserve the sympathy from the other characters (but somehow . . . just gets it). This is the writing in the previous movies being terrible, because they never showed us convincingly why the Chosen Children would actually accept and care about Meiko so much.

On a positive . . . this is the movie that made me fall in love with T.K.. It’s also – by far – the best written movie in the series and, personally, my favourite Digimon movie ever. So thanks, tri..

Score: 8.5/10.

Chapter 4: Loss

Yokomon being a bitch to Sora and no one else is still so incredibly forced and defies logic. I don’t think anyone can argue with this. But, other than this major bad writing flaw . . . the film was surprisingly pretty good. It probably has the best pacing of all the tri. films, too. I don’t think I even looked at how much time I had left of the movie to go (which I constantly did for Reunion and Determination, because . . . zzzzzzz).

I’m pretty torn about whether it was as good as Kizuna. I think . . . it was? But only because ALL of the characters were in it.

Let me put it another way: I think Kizuna is actually the slightly better film, but because Kizuna only really had TWO main characters, it makes its score go down a bit -- to match Loss’ score, which actually is slightly “worse”. But the fact that Loss has ALL the characters in it, lifts it up a bit to be pretty on par with Kizuna to me.

But Kizuna has more of an emotional punch, so, I would say Kizuna edges it out . . . just. Loss also has more flaws than Kizuna. But, overall, Loss was a pretty good film. Well done, tri., you’re on a roll! (And then . . . you stopped abruptly, lol.)

My favourite exchange:

Izzy: “Matt and Tai are best friends.” Matt: “No we’re not!”

Score: 7/10.

Chapter 5: Coexistence

Lots of Meichi . . . and Meiko being the best she’s ever been (or ever going to be). This is the only movie she didn’t come across as a useless wet blanket. And I did really like the Meichi heart-to-heart because it was actually well written. Do I ship Meichi though? No, I don’t think so. Even though they “connected” in this movie, it still seems a bit too forced and abrupt to me and it just wasn’t enough. Plus, I really don’t know why Tai would be attracted to her . . . I think he’d be attracted to girls like Mimi.

There’s a quick scene where Matt refuses to talk to his mum on the phone. My heart, it aches. Why couldn’t tri. show him ACCEPTING the phone call? That would’ve been a neat personal growth thing for Matt, coming off of Adventure, you know? I guess they just prefer him being closed off to his mum for life . . . it’s realistic, but still sad.

I really liked Matt yelling in emotional frustration because Meicoomon needs to be sacrificed (at Tai’s insistence). That’s the first time tri. got the Matt/Tai roles right so far? Oh . . . it’s because Tai’s storyline (his “character growth”) is FINALLY starting to get resolved. You know, him reverting back to the way he always was and being the capable leader who can call shots like that? Yeah. So when their roles go back to normal, everything MAKES SENSE again.

Wow, isn’t that incredible, tri.? That the characters now seem authentic and “right” now that you’ve decided to SWITCH THEIR ROLES BACK? Amazing.

But Matt putting Tai’s goggles around his neck = ICONIC.

That’s his brief consolation prize for being the ACTUAL leader for four and a half movies. Fuck you, tri..

But my issue with Tai’s storyline – other than the effects it had on Matt and Tai’s characterisation – also has to do with bad writing from more of a writer’s perspective (in that perhaps the average viewer wouldn’t have a problem with it).

I hate “undeserving” leaders in fiction (see: Luther from The Umbrella Academy).

Let me explain.

My favourite leaders in fiction (the best leaders I’ve ever seen) are Taichi from Adventure, Leonardo from Nickelodeon’s TMNT, and Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead. Why?

Because the writing showed you through actions why those characters were the most capable at being the leader. It doesn’t just point a finger at one character and go, “There! Leader! Always!”

Good writing shows you why a character is a good leader through their actions.

Bad writing just “designates” one character as the leader (just because the title “belongs” to them), and no matter their actions, they will always be regarded as the leader simply because the writer wanted that character to be the leader.

And tri. unfortunately does the latter. For most of the series, tri. shows Matt as the most capable leader – but because Tai is simply DESIGNATED the leader (that is, no matter what happens, Tai IS THE CHOSEN LEADER just because he’s the main character) – the series needed to get Tai back to his leadership mantle that has his name permanently etched on it.

I hate that.

And this isn’t a “Matt should’ve been the leader because he’s my favourite character” thing. It really isn’t. I personally never cared about Matt being the leader, because Adventure showed me that Matt was too emotional to be the leader. And he is. In fact, someone tagged me in a post a few months back where they quoted something I’d never seen before: it was Koushirou in the Digimon Adventure novels POINT BLANK telling Yamato that he was too emotional to be the leader. I laughed, because I love it when the series justifies my opinions in actual dialogue.

Anyway, I've always thought that Matt is too emotional to be the leader and never cared that he isn’t the leader. However . . . tri. told me in the first four and a half movies that Matt is NOT too emotional to be the leader. In fact, tri. told me that Matt’s perfectly capable of being the leader – and MORE capable of it than Tai was in those first four movies.

So, my issue is, if you’re going to show me that Matt is the better leader, then . . . MAKE HIM THE LEADER? You don’t “need” Tai to be the leader; he was utterly useless for the first four and a half movies.

But oh, that’s right; because Tai is the DESIGNATED LEADER, no matter what is shown (ie. Matt being the better leader), tri. has to revert back to Tai being the capable leader.

That’s bad, forced writing.

You should NEVER give the audience the impression that someone is the leader “just because” that title belongs to them in the series. Remember, SHOW ME the actual leader through their actions (ie. that is Matt in tri.) instead of just shoving it down my throat that there is “one true leader” that the writing must get back to, regardless of how incapable that person was.

Matt constantly tries to wake Tai the fuck up to lead in tri., but . . . Why? Matt is doing a perfectly good job of being the leader. There is NO need for Tai to step up and be the leader if he isn’t capable of it. If you can’t lead, STEP DOWN. The leader should never come across as being “designated” – they should always come across as the leader through their actions. And in tri.’s case, that was Matt.

Of course, we can’t have Matt be the leader when Tai is the main character of Digimon, can we?

But my stance is, if that is the case, tri. never should have showed us Matt was better at leading than Tai in the first place. Because it comes across to viewers as Tai just being the “designated leader” simply because the writing said so . . . and that, as stated, is bad writing.

My point is: the role-reversal never should have happened.

(And it’s only when Tai disappears that we suddenly get shown that Matt wouldn’t lead as well, so that we now think -- at the end of the series -- that Tai needs to make a heroic return and be the leader, despite it being shown earlier that he was useless . . . Yeah, fuck you, tri..)

Score: 6.5/10.

Chapter 6: Future

I’m still not here for Matt “learning a lesson” from Tai. Again, the writing for this is extremely bad and contradictory.

So, basically, Matt “realises” what Tai’s perspective is (his entire issue in the first movie) and NOW understands it . . .

Except, you know, the perspective Tai had was ALWAYS Matt’s perspective BEFORE tri. started. They just role-reversed their perspectives, so you have a REALLY BAD situation where Matt realises HIS OWN PAST PERSPECTIVE . . . is the lesson he “finally” learnt at the end of tri..

Matt changed into Tai (although tri. insists that MATT NEVER CHANGED AT ALL), but throughout the course of the series – THROUGH TAI’S EXAMPLE OF BEING MORE LIKE MATT HIMSELF – Matt realises his old views (Tai’s CURRENT views) made sense, and . . . acknowledges that Tai has a point/understands what Tai means now.

That’s Matt’s “character growth” by being Tai’s foil – being taught a lesson from Tai that Matt himself has always known.

Seriously, tri.?

It’s so incredibly lame and contradictory and just incredibly bad writing.

My biggest issue with tri. (if you hadn’t noticed) was the role-reversal of Matt and Tai. Other people can justify it all they want, but it was close to character assassination to me. Matt was 80% Matt, and Tai was . . . like, 50% Tai. Yeah, I disliked Tai for half the series.

An easy “litmus test”: If tri. had simply reversed Matt and Tai’s roles – so Matt is the one super concerned about collateral damage to the point where he freezes up, and Tai is the one being aggressive and insists Matt stops acting like a pussy – no one would’ve batted an eyelid. Because that would’ve been 100% in-character and make the most sense of what those two characters would’ve done in that predicament.

But, of course, because Tai’s the actual main character of Digimon, and this collateral damage dilemma (which is a good idea to explore, mind you) was their chosen issue, they forced it onto Tai – which also affected Matt as his foil. And thus, a lot of people had issues with what it did to Tai and Matt’s characterisation. Again, thank god Kizuna righted tri.’s wrong.

Also, I have to bring this up even though I’m sure everyone and their pet fish has complained about this: The whole 02 thing is insanely bad writing. They “went missing a long time ago” and Tai and co. DIDN’T NOTICE OR CARE? Like, seriously tri., it’s not that hard to come up with a better way to get them out of the series. It’s incredibly stupid that Tai was having issues with collateral damage potentially killing strangers, while his OLD FRIENDS were missing the entire time and they had no idea where they were, but then to suddenly CARE that they were finally found in the last movie?

Just, the logic, there is none. “Oh, we forgot about them completely . . . but, now that you mention it, we’re super glad they’re safe!” Seriously. You’re asking too much of the audience to make up excuses for you. I personally don’t care about the 02 kids at all, but the handling of it was definitely one of the biggest fails in tri.. They could have written them out A LOT better.

It’s also jarring when, in Kizuna, the 02 kids are back in the fold like they’ve never left. Tri. makes it seem as though they lost touch/aren’t close friends, because they hardly care and their reactions to “Ken” makes it seem as though he’s almost a stranger to them. But Kizuna feels as thought it comes STRAIGHT after 02, because it feels like they’ve always been a tight group (read: it really feels like Kizuna ignored tri. completely).

Score: 5.5/10.

Final Thoughts

I did it! I finished rewatching tri. (technically my first viewing of the English dub)! YAY!

I mostly still feel the same way about the series on a rewatch that I originally did. I think the biggest change of opinion for me was that I liked Maki a lot more than I did when I was just watching it in the instalments with months between films. I’m pretty sure it’s because I didn’t know her character at all as I was seeing it all for the first time, so it’s easy to be quick to judge -- but now that I knew her entire character arc, I actually got to appreciate her. But her storyline still could’ve ended A LOT better – but that’s really my only criticism of it. She was a great character.

I think it would’ve been a lot better to configure Maki into “Meiko” and have her infiltrate the Chosen Children and be a villain “from the inside”. I don’t think Meiko should have existed at all, and I think the reason tri. didn’t “hit” for most fans stems from the existence of such a poor character as Meiko being central to the plot (and thus having all of the terribly written things that happen in tri., happen in tri. . . .)

I think tri. was going to get a sequel but, because it wasn’t as well-received as they’d hoped (lots of criticisms of it . . .), they dropped it and made Kizuna instead. I really think that’s what happened.

I’m glad though because I LOVED Yamato in Kizuna. He was straight from Adventure/02. He was completely in-character in Kizuna and STILL managed to show the audience that HE HAD GROWN. See tri., it’s really not that hard to do.

Sometimes, it’s hard to put into words what exactly is “wrong” with a character. (Though I tried to explain it . . .) Sometimes, you just have to “see” a character and the “vibe” they give off isn’t quite that of the character you know.

That’s what happened with Tai and Matt’s characters in tri. for me. But the “vibe” of their characters in Kizuna came across as 100% authentically them, straight from Adventure/02, BUT GROWN UP.

You just “know” the characters when you see them. It’s the little nuances in their characterisations, lines of dialogue, their actions and reactions, and you just recognise the characters as them. And that’s from knowing who they are from past series (Adventure/02). Kizuna got Yamato and Taichi 100% right.

I’m going to put 17-year-old tri. Matt down to teenage hormones. Sora was withholding sex from him and so he had a huge amount of pent-up aggression. Yeah. *cough*

I am glad tri. exists though, because I got to see Matt at 11, 14, 17 and 22. And that’s amazing.

Best Characters

Matt (despite having issues with 20% of him, he still ultimately came across as the “star” of tri. to me), T.K. and . . . *gasp* Maki. Yeah. Seriously, she was actually one of the best written characters. Such a shame about how tri. chose to close her story.

Honourable Mentions

Mimi and Sora. Izzy and Joe. (Everyone but the Yagami siblings? Lmao)

Worst Character

Meiko. By a long shot. I honestly have no idea how anyone could like her (and are not just indifferent to her) . . . but I think, like, three people do.

Scores / Ranking

Chapter 1: Reunion – 5/10. Terrible. Chapter 2: Determination – 6/10. OK. Chapter 3: Confession – 8.5/10. Excellent. Chapter 4: Loss – 7/10. Good. Chapter 5: Coexistence – 6.5/10. Good-ish. Chapter 6: Future – 5.5/10. Terrible.

I had more issues with the bad writing decisions in Future than Reunion, but a lot more happens in Future, while Reunion is just boring. So . . . I guess Future is better than Reunion – but just. My ranking of the films now (best to worst):

Chapter 3: Confession Chapter 4: Loss Chapter 5: Coexistence Chapter 2: Determination Chapter 6: Future Chapter 1: Reunion

Conclusion

Overall, Digimon Adventure tri. is a pretty average series. I liked it enough, but there were giant leaps in logic and small, sometimes huge, bad writing decisions that could’ve been avoided or done a lot better with very little effort. The quality of a series depends on ALL the parts working: having good characters, good storytelling, stellar attention to detail, great adherence to logic so that the audience aren’t taken out of the experience. This is where tri. fails, because if you have a lot of those moments, it really does lower the quality of your story to your audience, who will get tired of constantly having to suspend their disbelief.

But, despite all of its flaws, tri. did give us the best Digimon movie ever made (Confession), so . . . Yay? I’ll take it.

If you were to directly compare Adventure and tri., I think you would say that tri. had better writing overall. And I would agree. But comparing them directly isn’t fair. Why? Because Adventure was made for kids, and tri. was made for adults. And here’s the thing:

Digimon Adventure is an excellent children’s series.

Digimon Adventure tri. is an average adult series.

Sure, a lot of dumb things happen in Adventure, but you can give it a pass because it’s a “kids show”. Overall, it was still an excellent series for kids, so much so that parts of it still holds up even when you view it as an adult with better critical thinking. That’s amazing.

Tri. is the better written series when directly compared but, well, it had to be. Its writing was better because it was aimed at adults, which naturally just lifts the ceiling that Adventure had to be aware of from being aimed at kids. But tri.’s many instances of bad writing isn’t as easily forgivable, as it is aimed at adults, so when it’s dumb . . . it’s just really dumb.

So, even though tri. is technically better written overall, I still think Adventure is actually the better series. How is that possible? Well, if someone asked you to recommend a good children’s show, you’d definitely say, “Digimon Adventure”. But if someone asked you to recommend a good series, you would NOT say, “Digimon Adventure tri.” At least, I wouldn’t.

And that’s it! Well done if you’ve made it to the end. I don’t think I will ever write about tri. again. See you in the next post about the Digimon Adventure: 2020 reboot series. :)

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Select: Up, Up, and Away

I got into a debate about the DCEU the other day, with a proper fan of that universe. Dude was very adamant about his love for Superman and I respect that. I've never met someone who so fervently defends that mess of films but it got me reflecting on my own fandom. I am a card-carrying Marvel apologist but I've had a love affair with the capeflick genre going back decades. I can track that passion all the way back to my ma and I, waited in that long ass line at the drive-in, to see Burton's first Bat-flick. I've ravenously consumed these types of films ever since. After, what? Thirty plus years of consuming this sub-genre, I have a pretty good idea of what makes a dope capeflick but the entries on this list are the few which made a proper impression upon me. Now, I want to be clear; This is a list of capeflicks, superhero movies, not comic book adaptions. That means Batman Forever and Superman 4, not Scott Pilgrim or Road to Perdition. That list might come later but this one is for the dudes, that wear their underoos, on the outside. Also, I'll have to limit the Bat-films because, let's be honest, that'd be half this list, easy. There's just so many...

12. Constantine

A lot of people claim this is John Constantine in name only but I love this particular take on the character. I actually reviewed this movie properly a ways back, but it absolutely had to make this list because it is, legitimately, one of my favorites. I'm a sucker for that whole heaven vs hell shtick. The Devil's Advocate, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist, and End of Days are proper favorites of mine. Christianity intrigues me, though I am not particularly religious. All of that sh*t is academic to me. As a story, as a narrative, all of that Jesus speak carries a deep well of potential for adaptation and interpretation. I've learned that any time anyone decides to play in that mythos, they tend to bring back a rather compelling story with them. This version of Constantine is one of the more unique stories birthed from the Good Book. Plus, I mean, that cast, man. Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou, Peter Stormare, Shia LaBeouf, and Gavin Rosdale? Are you kidding? Rosdale is kind of weak, mostly because he's a rock star not an actor, but everyone else is excellent. I wonder what Jared Leto was doing when this was cast? Considering his shift toward the cultish, I think he would have been a better fit for that part.

11. X-Men: First Class

I love this movie. It's the first time I could actually say that I was captivated by an X-flick. Sure, I was on board for the original trilogy, Hugh Jackman embodies Wolverine even if he definitely doesn't look the part, but those movies felt like cartoons. First Class was the first time I was completely engaged with that world. I remember there were whispers of a Magneto origin but, after Origins: Wolverine, i thought that was dead. Imagine my shock when Matt Reeves decided to resurrect the bones of that story, and add a little Sixtiess flair as a means to flesh everything out. Go-Go dancers, Cerebros, and bamfs - Oh My! The writing and characters went a long way to making this movie great, but it was definitely Magneto who made the entire film. Of course, his relationship with Xavier is a highlight but the way Fassbender captivated as the revenge driven, mutant supremacist, was heartbreaking. I mean, that one scene where Erik moves the coin for the last time, knowing that his best friend would feel that pain, knowing that this would irrevocably change their friendship? That entire sequence gave me chills. I couldn't look away. It was the ballsiest thing in the entire f*cking franchise to that point and stands as a premiere example of how to tell a great capeflick with real pathos.

10a. Batman

Batman was a whole ass event, man. I remember the hype vividly. Entire lines wrapped around the block. Cats were near rioting in the streets for tickets. These things were sold out around the city weeks in advance. The fervor was that intense. My ma and I waited in line for about an hour and half to see that thing and when we did, absolutely no disappointment. Tim Burton gave us a classic and, for decades, Jack Nicholson's Joker was the benchmark for cinematic villainy. He would eventually be usurped by another take on the character as the quintessential cinematic Joker, caricatured by a third, and properly respected by a fourth. It’s insane to think that Joker has transcended mediums and became something of a prestige character both on the page and in film. Sure, the character had been seen onscreen a few times before, Caesar Romero did a fantastic job with Joker on the old BatCamp show from the 60s, but it was Nicholson who gave people something for which to aspire in their own performances. To this day, the measure of an actor's worth, is tied to how much they put themselves into that character. I mean, the only two Oscar wins in the capeflick genre that matter, Best Supporting Actor and Best Actor, went to portrayals of Joker, none of which would even have been possible if not for the deft direction of Burton and a delightfully unhinged, yet, passionate performance from Nicholson. For the record, the greatest Joker performances for me, in order, are: Hamil, Ledger, Nicholson, Phoenix, DiMaggio. Full stop. No one else comes close enough to even mention.

10b. Batman Returns

I struggled with putting this one on the list because ‘89 was already representing the Burton duology, but it turns out these films are a package deal for me. Personally, while I love ‘89, I feel that Returns is the superior film overall. This feels like Burton's vision for the character more than anything. The look is far more grand and beautifully grotesque. Everything is recognizable as Batman, but it's kind of a pitch, nightmare, version of the world. This sh*t is just seething with that dark gothic aesthetic which Burton is known for and it imbued this crazy, horror-esgue, energy into every scene. Batman Returns feels like a vampire movie from the turn of the century more than the genre film it’s presented to be. I think that’s why it wasn’t received as the toy commercial the suits wanted. This is a narrative Burton wanted to tell and i respect the f*ck out of a creator who takes chances, as long as the character is still recognizable. I look at this and i see Batman, even if he’s a murderous psychopath. I see Penguin, even if he’s a monstrous creature who bites off noses and lusts after women. I f*cking love it! Also, this version of Catwoman? Pfeiffer's Selina Kyle? My goodness, man. Talk about femme fatale. This woman jump started puberty for me and left a longing attraction in me to batsh*t crazy chicks that persists to this day.

9. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I wrestled about putting this one on the list, too, mostly because it's an animated film. After much deliberation, i decided that it had to be on this list. This movie saved Spider-Man for Sony which is kind of a great and terrible thing. Spider-Verse is the perfect Spider-flick. It feels how Spider-Man should feel and I love that it's Miles Morales who gets the shine in this one. It took a while for Spider Jr. to grow on me in the comics but I adore the kid and seeing him done such passionate justice on the big screen was a real treat. Between this and the way he’s represented in the Spider-Man game that came out around the same time, Miles is finally getting the exposure he deserves. Not only that, but I adore the new takes on classics villains. Olivia Octavious? Word? I mean, how bad ass was Aunt May? How endearing was Peter B. Parker? Lest we not forget that adorable ass energy between Miles and Gwen? F*ck, Ghost-Spider, herself, was amazing to see. I give all credit to Haillee Steinfeld for that one. She’s fast becoming one of my favorite actresses. I saw this and then Bumblebee a week a part. Chick left a legitimate impression. Look, Homecoming is going to show up a ways down this list, I love that movie but if we're being honest, Spider-Verse is the Superior Spider-flick. It's not ranked higher though because of objective bias. I just really love Tom Holland as Pete and feel like he’s the best interpretation of a complete, live action, Spider-Man we’ve gotten on film. So far. Plus Spider-Verse is a cartoon. It feels slightly disingenuous to put a cartoon on a list full of live action movies, you know? Wait, should I put Mask of the Phantasm on here, too? Nah, I think Batman is represented well enough on this list. SO. MANY. BATFLICKS.

8. Unbreakable

Unbreakable was ahead of it's time. It was the first realistic take on the fantastical capeflick genre, a fact no one really knew back then. When it released, as amazing as this movie is, it was looked upon as a whimsical lark from the guy who made The Sixth Sense. It was moderately successful and garnered decent reviews, but coming of the heels of that cinematic darling, The Sixth Sense, people had expectations. People wannted a certain type of film from Shamagsmmabonbon and this was not it. Most critics chalked it up as children's fodder but I've always loved this movie. It’s hard to argue Unbreakable’s quality. The writing, alone, is some of the tightest i have ever seen in a film and the performances are all superb. There is this restrained nuance to everyone, mirroring the denial of this brand new reality the principals find themselves within. Everyone but Elijah and that is for a very specific reason that I’m not going to get into here. For a long time, I thought it was Shamallama's best, only to topped by it's direct sequel years later. The Sixth Sense is good but it feels safe. It feels Hollywood. That one was the compromise for entry, the Shyamalan debut album, is you will. Unbreakable is purely his story, the way he wants to tell it, and he told it wonderfully. I'll never forget Elijah's parting words, “They called me Mister Glass.” Pure brilliance

7. Iron Man

Our introduction to what would become the MCU juggernaut, and it's a goddamn masterpiece. If Iron Man was whack, we wouldn't have the juggernaut that is Marvel Studios today. This movie had to get everything right. The feel of the characters, the plot, the effects, the mechanics of how the Iron Man suit could realistically work, the narrative, and most importantly, the cast; All of it needed to be great. Iron Man was to be the foundation for something extravagant. There was next to no wiggle room and Marvel was walking that razor’s edge betting everything on what was a B-list hero, at the time, in their roster. The House of Idea went all in on this thing, backing it with their own dollars and creating Marvel Studios, instead of licensing out the characters like thy did before. It was one helluva bet but Marvel, RDJ, and Favreu pulled that sh*t off. Iron Man is a near perfect capeflick. I’ll never forget how my best friend reacted when we watched that teaser for the first time on my PS3. He was awestruck. The detail put into how Iron Man sped across the sky and that sonic boom mid-flight, when he kicked on the Repulsar afterburners? That little detail sold him immediately. If the movie, itself, didn't end with a blue beam into the sky, a trend that originated here, I'd have put it much higher on this list, but that little cliche stalls it out midway. Just barely, though. I have to make special note of this thing's casting. Like, my goodness, were these parts perfectly embodied by their respective actors. Not so much Rhodey. Don Cheadle is definitely War Machine. I buy his version of James Rhodes being best friends with RDJ's Tony Stark. I never got that with Terrance Howard. That recast was genius. This would be a trend going forward. Marvel casts like straight up champions!

6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

This movie is where the MCU hit it's stride. This is where they figured out how to tell their stories and it shows. Personally, I believe Winter Soldier to be the second best film in the Marvel catalog, after Infinity War. For me, Winter Soldier is a whole ass film before it's a capeflick. It's an espionage thriller with a gloss of Captain America paint. It’s Jason Bourne injected with Super Soldier Serum. It’s Weapon Zero meets Mission: Impossible. The story told isn't one of whimsy or super villainy, it's one of surveillance and government overreach. That sh*t is real. We're experiencing it now. If you take out Captain America, put Chris Evans in a proper suit, the core themes of this movie could rival the narrative of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I find that level of attention inspiring. To take something as goofy as the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan and craft an insidiously terrifying narrative behind it, ripped from modern headlines like this, was a stroke of genius. That’s how you make capeflicks. That’s how you expand the audience from comic book nerds and kids who want action figures. That’s how you give relevancy to a film about a cybernetically enhanced, brainwashed, instrument of war, hellbent on murdering a ‘roided out, ninety-year-old, WWII veteran, back from the dead. Winter Soldier was the first MCU film to nail that aspect of capeflick storytelling, championed by Nolan with The Dark Knight, and they've had runaway success with it ever since. It took a Phase and a half for Marvel to recapture that Iron Man flavored. bottled lightning but when they did, they never let it go. A lot of people would say that the first Avengers outing should make this list in Winter Soldier's place, but I disagree. The first two Avengers films weren't proper movies. They were climaxes to a series long narrative. The Winter Soldier is a complete film and one of the best in the undisputed, premiere, cinematic franchise to date.

5. Split

Split is, in my opinion, the best film Shamamamam has ever made. It's incredible and carries one of the best performances from an actor I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. James McAvoy as Kevin Wendell Crumb, and all of his other alters, was truly a force. Dude played, like, twelve different parts, each unique unto themselves. I couldn't believe what I was seeing at first but, as I was drawn in, I wanted more from Kevin Crumb. I wanted more from this world. I wanted more of The Beast. Imagine my surprise when we got that cameo at the end, promising just that. But the quality of this film didn’t just stop there. I would be remiss if i didn’t make not of Anya Taylor-Joy’s performance as Casey Cooke. I knew Anya was great in her craft because of films like The VVitch and Thoroughbreds but this is easily one of my favorite performances from her. It’s an unnerving accurate portrayal of hoe people respond to abuse. There is a level of nuance to her character that, if you know the signs of trauma, ring unnervingly true. It can be a hard watch at times but that is, again, testament to the caliber of Taylor-Joy’s performance but also the intricate writing. This thing can give it’s prequel a run for it’s money in that regard. While i think that flick was better written, i do believe Split is the better film. A decade between franchise entries will do that, you know? Which boggles my mind about the trilogy bookend. The follow-up to Split was a little bit of a letdown, that's why it isn't on this list. I didn’t need this knockdown, drag out, clash between Dunn and The Beast but I wanted to at least get a bit more in resolution that what we received. It just seemed so... Unbelievable. Even so, everything leading up to it was exceptional. Specifically, especially, Split.

4. Spider-Man: Homecoming

I absolutely love Spider-Man. He's my favorite comic character and the biggest reason I shill so hard for Marvel, in general. I've seen every one of his films, including the two from the 1970s, but it wasn't until Homecoming that I think film finally nailed Pete perfectly. This is another example of Marvel's ability to cast like champs, though, i hear Sony was the one that pushed hard for Holland. Look, Tom Holland IS Peter Parker, just like RDJ IS Tony STark and Chris Evans IS Steve Rogers. The first trilogy is exceptional, I’m not knocking those films at all. I even like the third film with Venom. You have got to love emo Pete and amnesiac Harry. Those films feel like the 60s version of Spider-Man, with all of their camp and colors, and Tobey McGuire fit that type of Spider-flick, perfectly. I even enjoy the Amazing duology, if I don't think about them too hard. Those films were definitely Sony getting ahead of themselves. They treated Spidey like Disney is treating Star Wars. I like to think of those movies like that era of Spider-man where Ben Reily took over in the Comics; That weird, decades long, Clone Saga nonsense which was well-intentioned but complete ass in execution.

After Sony completely trashed any goodwill the character had garnered and, in desperation turned to Feige as a means to rehab the character, Marvel nailed Peter for the modern age. This Spider-Man is the Ultimate comics version come to life, and I think he fits perfectly into the modernized MCU. People give Homecoming sh*t for all of the “forced diversity” and how Pete is just a tinier version of Tony Stark, but it works. Pete has always been a tinier version of some other brilliant genius in the books, usually Mister Fantastic. It makes sense that Stark would take over the mentor role since, at the time, they didn’t have rights to Reed and as far as diversity? Bro, come on. Aside from the fact that Sony has right to a ton of the characters and refused to let up, thus MJ becoming Michelle Jones and Betty Brant effectively being a stand in for Gwen Stacy, the MCU was already crazy diverse with no real complaints. I love every aspect of this new take on my favorite character, every re-imagining in this world. Homecoming happens to be the best live action version of Spider-Man I have ever seen and i have seen all of them so far. It's close to being the best MCU film in the entire catalog but there is one that beats it out. By a hair. Also, it's not better than Winter Soldier but I'm bias as f*ck toward Pete in general so it's ranked higher. I mean, if you can’t tell by this entire bible i wrote about one film, i don’t know how more obvious my partiality can be.

3. Avengers: Infinity War

This film hurt me. It hurt everyone. This is the first time I remember actually feeling for a capeflick. I was devastated by the Snap, horrified as Groot call out for his dad as he disintegrated, f*cking broken when I heard “I don't feel so good.” Even just typing that... Man, f*ck this movie. Never mind how excellently paced it is or how goddamn intimidating Josh Brolin was as Thanos or the fact that we lost so many of these excellent character we had come to love, in the blink of an eye. I mean, when Gamora was scarified, i was shocked. I didn’t believe that just happened. I couldn’t. There are a lot of great scenes in this film where the heroes win battles but it’s undeniable that Thanos won this war. This was his movie. This was his conquest and it was his thorough victory. Thanos triumphant. There were legitimate consequence in this movie, something you rarely see in capeflicks. I hated Thanos but respected his sheer force of will and even agreed with his beliefs to an extent. It’s hard not to. Thanos is right. To steal a phrase from Mass Effect, it all comes own to ruthless calculus. I saw this thing four times in theaters and four separate audiences were left deflated. Four separate audiences gasped as Gamora took that dive. Four separate audiences cried out as Pete turned to dust. I took my mom and she was irate. To this day, my mom hates Thanos. Two and half hour long movie, and she never lost interest or fell asleep. That, right there, tells you how dope this narrative is. I took my sister and she cried at the end. She sobbed like she lost a loved one and i understood, wholeheartedly, why. I joke with her all the time about how that movie is a pain-train to despair. Even so, I willingly buy that ticket and ride that route to emotional hell at least twice a month because, at the end of the day, Infinity War is the best f*cking thing Marvel Studios has ever made.

2. Logan

I'm not a fan of westerns. I enjoy a select few. Tombstone. That True Grit remake. 3:10 to Yuma. Imagine my surprise when the best X-film in the catalog, and my second favorite capeflick of all-time, is a f*cking western at heart. Logan is Shane. It follows the same beats and narrative tropes of those old timey westerns I absolutely abhor, but the way they are presented in this X-men spin-off, just tickles my fancy, man. This take on Old Man Logan was everything i didn’t know i wanted out of an X-Men narrative. More than that, there are no bad performances in this thing, at all. Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman take their respective bows as Logan and Xavier, the best versions of their respective characters put on full display. Unfettered by PG-13 obligations and selling to children, Mangold was able to craft a narrative that allowed these veteran actors to reach the full heights of their range. They were finally able to portray human characters, not just comic book caricatures. Boyd Holbrook as Donald Pierce is the best thing I have ever seen him in and even Stephen Merchant's Caliban was tremendous.

All praise where it's due, but Dafne Keen comes through and presses all of them for presence. Holy sh*t, this little girl made me want an X-23 spin-off immediately. For the record, Laura Kinney is my third favorite Marvel character after Spider-Man and Doctor Doom. I was hype when she was announced as a principal character in this narrative but a little apprehensive about her age. I was still on board and, when Keen first shows up as Laura, at Wolvie's hideout, my goodness was I sold. Keen f*cks that role all the way up. She stands equal to the talent with whom she shares scenes, and that is ridiculously high praise, because a lot of the scenes she has are with f*cking Patrick Stewart and Hugh goddamn Jackman! Dafne Keen was twelve when she shot this, man! Seeing such a great take on the character, from such a young talent, was a real pleasure. It's unfortunate she won't be able to reprise the role in the MCU. Or will she...? I mean, by the time Marvel gets around to making their X-flicks, she’ll be right in line to play a teenage Laura, one that is closer aligned to the age of the character in the books. And she’s wildly popular. And she’s a legacy character who’s young enough to carry the Wolverine mantle for a few years going forward, so....

1. The Dark Knight

Is this a surprise to anyone? The Dark Knight is in the rotation for my all-time favorite film alongside Forrest Gump and Alien. This is a near perfect film, chock full of stunning performances, brilliant storytelling, and incredible stunt work. The narrative is deceptively simple but it's executed with such precision, such confidence, you forget you're watching what is, effectively, The Untouchables. Seriously, this is one of the best gangster movies available and no one talks about it like that. I’m not saying they should, there’s a very good reason why they don’t, but it’s worth noting that The Dark Knight is, outside of it’s capeflick nature, probably as great as Public Enemies, and that movie is fantastic. In my opinion. The reason that crime noir writing falls by the wayside is because everyone gets caught up in one of the best, individual, acting clinics ever captured on film. Heath Ledger as Joker is a goddamn miracle. He embodies that character wholly. From that opening bank heist, to his victory in defeat, Ledger captivated, horrified, and charmed us all, for two and a half hours. When this released, I got flashbacks to the 89 hype. And just like then, Batman delivered. I saw this in theaters eight times. Eight times, man, and never once did I regret that ticket. It's f*cking incredible and stands as the ultimate example of what can be achieved in the genre to this day. Ledger was the first to earn a prestige Oscar in a capeflick for his Joker and everyone has been chasing that level of quality ever since. Nicholson got the ball rolling way back when, but Ledger was the first to delivered on that promise. It says a lot that the only other Oscar of that caliber went to Joaquin Phoenix, for playing the same goddamn character. Ledger's performance changed the way everyone looks at capeflicks. It changed the way we grade and evaluate them. It changed an entire genre with it's excellence. That performance, alone, should put The Dark Knight at the the top of everyone's list.

Honorable Mentions: Joker, Venom, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Captain America: Civil War, Shazam, Guardians of the Galaxy, Aquaman, Iron Man 2, The Dark Knight Rises, Black Panther, Spawn, Blade, Spider-Man, Spider-man 2, Spider-Man 3, Justice League: War, X-Men: Days of Futures Past, The Wolverine, Deadpool, Justice League: Doom, Marvel's Avengers, Spider-Man: Far From Home, Thor: Ragnarok, Wonder Woman, Captain America: The First Avenger, Hellboy, Hellboy II: The Golden Army

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Select: Up, Up, and Away

I got into a debate about the DCEU the other day, with a proper fan of that universe. Dude was very adamant about his love for Superman and I respect that. I've never met someone who so fervently defends that mess of films but it got me reflecting on my own fandom. I am a card-carrying Marvel apologist but I've had a love affair with the capeflick genre going back decades. I can track that passion all the way back to my ma and I, waited in that long ass line at the drive-in, to see Burton's first Bat-flick. I've ravenously consumed these types of films ever since. After, what? Thirty plus years of consuming this sub-genre, I have a pretty good idea of what makes a dope capeflick but the entries on this list are the few which made a proper impression upon me. Now, I want to be clear; This is a list of capeflicks, superhero movies, not comic book adaptions. That means Batman Forever and Superman 4, not Scott Pilgrim or Road to Perdition. That list might come later but this one is for the dudes, that wear their underoos, on the outside. Also, I'll have to limit the Bat-films because, let's be honest, that'd be half this list, easy. There's just so many...

12. Constantine

A lot of people claim this is John Constantine in name only but I love this particular take on the character. I actually reviewed this movie properly a ways back, but it absolutely had to make this list because it is, legitimately, one of my favorites. I'm a sucker for that whole heaven vs hell shtick. The Devil's Advocate, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist, and End of Days are proper favorites of mine. Christianity intrigues me, though I am not particularly religious. All of that sh*t is academic to me. As a story, as a narrative, all of that Jesus speak carries a deep well of potential for adaptation and interpretation. I've learned that any time anyone decides to play in that mythos, they tend to bring back a rather compelling story with them. This version of Constantine is one of the more unique stories birthed from the Good Book. Plus, I mean, that cast, man. Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou, Peter Stormare, Shia LaBeouf, and Gavin Rosdale? Are you kidding? Rosdale is kind of weak, mostly because he's a rock star not an actor, but everyone else is excellent. I wonder what Jared Leto was doing when this was cast? Considering his shift toward the cultish, I think he would have been a better fit for that part.

11. X-Men: First Class

I love this movie. It's the first time I could actually say that I was captivated by an X-flick. Sure, I was on board for the original trilogy, Hugh Jackman embodies Wolverine even if he definitely doesn't look the part, but those movies felt like cartoons. First Class was the first time I was completely engaged with that world. I remember there were whispers of a Magneto origin but, after Origins: Wolverine, i thought that was dead. Imagine my shock when Matt Reeves decided to resurrect the bones of that story, and add a little Sixtiess flair as a means to flesh everything out. Go-Go dancers, Cerebros, and bamfs - Oh My! The writing and characters went a long way to making this movie great, but it was definitely Magneto who made the entire film. Of course, his relationship with Xavier is a highlight but the way Fassbender captivated as the revenge driven, mutant supremacist, was heartbreaking. I mean, that one scene where Erik moves the coin for the last time, knowing that his best friend would feel that pain, knowing that this would irrevocably change their friendship? That entire sequence gave me chills. I couldn't look away. It was the ballsiest thing in the entire f*cking franchise to that point and stands as a premiere example of how to tell a great capeflick with real pathos.

10a. Batman

Batman was a whole ass event, man. I remember the hype vividly. Entire lines wrapped around the block. Cats were near rioting in the streets for tickets. These things were sold out around the city weeks in advance. The fervor was that intense. My ma and I waited in line for about an hour and half to see that thing and when we did, absolutely no disappointment. Tim Burton gave us a classic and, for decades, Jack Nicholson's Joker was the benchmark for cinematic villainy. He would eventually be usurped by another take on the character as the quintessential cinematic Joker, caricatured by a third, and properly respected by a fourth. It’s insane to think that Joker has transcended mediums and became something of a prestige character both on the page and in film. Sure, the character had been seen onscreen a few times before, Caesar Romero did a fantastic job with Joker on the old BatCamp show from the 60s, but it was Nicholson who gave people something for which to aspire in their own performances. To this day, the measure of an actor's worth, is tied to how much they put themselves into that character. I mean, the only two Oscar wins in the capeflick genre that matter, Best Supporting Actor and Best Actor, went to portrayals of Joker, none of which would even have been possible if not for the deft direction of Burton and a delightfully unhinged, yet, passionate performance from Nicholson. For the record, the greatest Joker performances for me, in order, are: Hamil, Ledger, Nicholson, Phoenix, DiMaggio. Full stop. No one else comes close enough to even mention.

10b. Batman Returns

I struggled with putting this one on the list because ‘89 was already representing the Burton duology, but it turns out these films are a package deal for me. Personally, while I love ‘89, I feel that Returns is the superior film overall. This feels like Burton's vision for the character more than anything. The look is far more grand and beautifully grotesque. Everything is recognizable as Batman, but it's kind of a pitch, nightmare, version of the world. This sh*t is just seething with that dark gothic aesthetic which Burton is known for and it imbued this crazy, horror-esgue, energy into every scene. Batman Returns feels like a vampire movie from the turn of the century more than the genre film it’s presented to be. I think that’s why it wasn’t received as the toy commercial the suits wanted. This is a narrative Burton wanted to tell and i respect the f*ck out of a creator who takes chances, as long as the character is still recognizable. I look at this and i see Batman, even if he’s a murderous psychopath. I see Penguin, even if he’s a monstrous creature who bites off noses and lusts after women. I f*cking love it! Also, this version of Catwoman? Pfeiffer's Selina Kyle? My goodness, man. Talk about femme fatale. This woman jump started puberty for me and left a longing attraction in me to batsh*t crazy chicks that persists to this day.

9. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I wrestled about putting this one on the list, too, mostly because it's an animated film. After much deliberation, i decided that it had to be on this list. This movie saved Spider-Man for Sony which is kind of a great and terrible thing. Spider-Verse is the perfect Spider-flick. It feels how Spider-Man should feel and I love that it's Miles Morales who gets the shine in this one. It took a while for Spider Jr. to grow on me in the comics but I adore the kid and seeing him done such passionate justice on the big screen was a real treat. Between this and the way he’s represented in the Spider-Man game that came out around the same time, Miles is finally getting the exposure he deserves. Not only that, but I adore the new takes on classics villains. Olivia Octavious? Word? I mean, how bad ass was Aunt May? How endearing was Peter B. Parker? Lest we not forget that adorable ass energy between Miles and Gwen? F*ck, Ghost-Spider, herself, was amazing to see. I give all credit to Haillee Steinfeld for that one. She’s fast becoming one of my favorite actresses. I saw this and then Bumblebee a week a part. Chick left a legitimate impression. Look, Homecoming is going to show up a ways down this list, I love that movie but if we're being honest, Spider-Verse is the Superior Spider-flick. It's not ranked higher though because of objective bias. I just really love Tom Holland as Pete and feel like he’s the best interpretation of a complete, live action, Spider-Man we’ve gotten on film. So far. Plus Spider-Verse is a cartoon. It feels slightly disingenuous to put a cartoon on a list full of live action movies, you know? Wait, should I put Mask of the Phantasm on here, too? Nah, I think Batman is represented well enough on this list. SO. MANY. BATFLICKS.

8. Unbreakable

Unbreakable was ahead of it's time. It was the first realistic take on the fantastical capeflick genre, a fact no one really knew back then. When it was released, as amazing as this movie is, it was looked upon as a whimsical lark from the guy who made The Sixth Sense. It was moderately successful and garnered decent reviews, but coming of the heels of that cinematic darling, The Sixth Sense, people had expectations. People wannted a certain type of film from Shamagsmmabonbon and this was not it. Most critics chalked it up as children's fodder but I've always loved this movie. It’s hard to argue Unbreakable’s quality. The writing, alone, is some of the tightest i have ever seen in a film and the performances are all superb. There is this restrained nuance to everyone, mirroring the denial of this brand new reality the principals find themselves within. Everyone but Elijah and that is for a very specific reason that I’m not going to get into here. For a long time, I thought it was Shamallama's best, only to topped by it's direct sequel years later. The Sixth Sense is good but it feels safe. It feels Hollywood. That one was the compromise for entry, the Shyamalan debut album, is you will. Unbreakable is purely his story, the way he wants to tell it, and he told it wonderfully. I'll never forget Elijah's parting words, “They called me Mister Glass.” Pure brilliance.

7. Iron Man

Our introduction to what would become the MCU juggernaut, and it's a goddamn masterpiece. If Iron Man was whack, we wouldn't have the juggernaut that is Marvel Studios today. This movie had to get everything right. The feel of the characters, the plot, the effects, the mechanics of how the Iron Man suit could realistically work, the narrative, and most importantly, the cast; All of it needed to be great. Iron Man was to be the foundation for something extravagant. There was next to no wiggle room and Marvel was walking that razor’s edge betting everything on what was a B-list hero, at the time, in their roster. The House of Idea went all in on this thing, backing it with their own dollars and creating Marvel Studios, instead of licensing out the characters like thy did before. It was one helluva bet but Marvel, RDJ, and Favreu pulled that sh*t off. Iron Man is a near perfect capeflick. I’ll never forget how my best friend reacted when we watched that teaser for the first time on my PS3. He was awestruck. The detail put into how Iron Man sped across the sky and that sonic boom mid-flight, when he kicked on the Repulsar afterburners? That little detail sold him immediately. If the movie, itself, didn't end with a blue beam into the sky, a trend that originated here, I'd have put it much higher on this list, but that little cliche stalls it out midway. Just barely, though. I have to make special note of this thing's casting. Like, my goodness, were these parts perfectly embodied by their respective actors. Not so much Rhodey. Don Cheadle is definitely War Machine. I buy his version of James Rhodes being best friends with RDJ's Tony Stark. I never got that with Terrance Howard. That recast was genius. This would be a trend going forward. Marvel casts like straight up champions!

6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

This movie is where the MCU hit it's stride. This is where they figured out how to tell their stories and it shows. Personally, I believe Winter Soldier to be the second best film in the Marvel catalog, after Infinity War. For me, Winter Soldier is a whole ass film before it's a capeflick. It's an espionage thriller with a gloss of Captain America paint. It’s Jason Bourne injected with Super Soldier Serum. It’s Weapon Zero meets Mission: Impossible. The story told isn't one of whimsy or super villainy, it's one of surveillance and government overreach. That sh*t is real. We're experiencing it now. If you take out Captain America, put Chris Evans in a proper suit, the core themes of this movie could rival the narrative of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I find that level of attention inspiring. To take something as goofy as the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan and craft an insidiously terrifying narrative behind it, ripped from modern headlines like this, was a stroke of genius. That’s how you make capeflicks. That’s how you expand the audience from comic book nerds and kids who want action figures. That’s how you give relevancy to a film about a cybernetically enhanced, brainwashed, instrument of war, hellbent on murdering a ‘roided out, ninety-year-old, WWII veteran, back from the dead. Winter Soldier was the first MCU film to nail that aspect of capeflick storytelling, championed by Nolan with The Dark Knight, and they've had runaway success with it ever since. It took a Phase and a half for Marvel to recapture that Iron Man flavored. bottled lightning but when they did, they never let it go. A lot of people would say that the first Avengers outing should make this list in Winter Soldier's place, but I disagree. The first two Avengers films weren't proper movies. They were climaxes to a series long narrative. The Winter Soldier is a complete film and one of the best in the undisputed, premiere, cinematic franchise to date.

5. Split

Split is, in my opinion, the best film Shamamamam has ever made. It's incredible and carries one of the best performances from an actor I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. James McAvoy as Kevin Wendell Crumb, and all of his other alters, was truly a force. Dude played, like, twelve different parts, each unique unto themselves. I couldn't believe what I was seeing at first but, as I was drawn in, I wanted more from Kevin Crumb. I wanted more from this world. I wanted more of The Beast. Imagine my surprise when we got that cameo at the end, promising just that. But the quality of this film didn’t just stop there. I would be remiss if i didn’t make not of Anya Taylor-Joy’s performance as Casey Cooke. I knew Anya was great in her craft because of films like The VVitch and Thoroughbreds but this is easily one of my favorite performances from her. It’s an unnerving accurate portrayal of hoe people respond to abuse. There is a level of nuance to her character that, if you know the signs of trauma, ring unnervingly true. It can be a hard watch at times but that is, again, testament to the caliber of Taylor-Joy’s performance but also the intricate writing. This thing can give it’s prequel a run for it’s money in that regard. While i think that flick was better written, i do believe Split is the better film. A decade between franchise entries will do that, you know? Which boggles my mind about the trilogy bookend. The follow-up to Split was a little bit of a letdown, that's why it isn't on this list. I didn’t need this knockdown, drag out, clash between Dunn and The Beast but I wanted to at least get a bit more in resolution that what we received. It just seemed so... Unbelievable. Even so, everything leading up to it was exceptional. Specifically, especially, Split.

4. Spider-Man: Homecoming

I absolutely love Spider-Man. He's my favorite comic character and the biggest reason I shill so hard for Marvel, in general. I've seen every one of his films, including the two from the 1970s, but it wasn't until Homecoming that I think film finally nailed Pete perfectly. This is another example of Marvel's ability to cast like champs, though, i hear Sony was the one that pushed hard for Holland. Look, Tom Holland IS Peter Parker, just like RDJ IS Tony STark and Chris Evans IS Steve Rogers. The first trilogy is exceptional, I’m not knocking those films at all. I even like the third film with Venom. You have got to love emo Pete and amnesiac Harry. Those films feel like the 60s version of Spider-Man, with all of their camp and colors, and Tobey McGuire fit that type of Spider-flick, perfectly. I even enjoy the Amazing duology, if I don't think about them too hard. Those films were definitely Sony getting ahead of themselves. They treated Spidey like Disney is treating Star Wars. I like to think of those movies like that era of Spider-man where Ben Reily took over in the Comics; That weird, decades long, Clone Saga nonsense which was well-intentioned but complete ass in execution.

After Sony completely trashed any goodwill the character had garnered and, in desperation turned to Feige as a means to rehab the character, Marvel nailed Peter for the modern age. This Spider-Man is the Ultimate comics version come to life, and I think he fits perfectly into the modernized MCU. People give Homecoming sh*t for all of the “forced diversity” and how Pete is just a tinier version of Tony Stark, but it works. Pete has always been a tinier version of some other brilliant genius in the books, usually Mister Fantastic. It makes sense that Stark would take over the mentor role since, at the time, they didn’t have rights to Reed and as far as diversity? Bro, come on. Aside from the fact that Sony has right to a ton of the characters and refused to let up, thus MJ becoming Michelle Jones and Betty Brant effectively being a stand in for Gwen Stacy, the MCU was already crazy diverse with no real complaints. I love every aspect of this new take on my favorite character, every re-imagining in this world. Homecoming happens to be the best live action version of Spider-Man I have ever seen and i have seen all of them so far. It's close to being the best MCU film in the entire catalog but there is one that beats it out. By a hair. Also, it's not better than Winter Soldier but I'm bias as f*ck toward Pete in general so it's ranked higher. I mean, if you can’t tell by this entire bible i wrote about one film, i don’t know how more obvious my partiality can be.

3. Avengers: Infinity War

This film hurt me. It hurt everyone. This is the first time I remember actually feeling for a capeflick. I was devastated by the Snap, horrified as Groot call out for his dad as he disintegrated, f*cking broken when I heard “I don't feel so good.” Even just typing that... Man, f*ck this movie. Never mind how excellently paced it is or how goddamn intimidating Josh Brolin was as Thanos or the fact that we lost so many of these excellent character we had come to love, in the blink of an eye. I mean, when Gamora was scarified, i was shocked. I didn’t believe that just happened. I couldn’t. There are a lot of great scenes in this film where the heroes win battles but it’s undeniable that Thanos won this war. This was his movie. This was his conquest and it was his thorough victory. Thanos triumphant. There were legitimate consequence in this movie, something you rarely see in capeflicks. I hated Thanos but respected his sheer force of will and even agreed with his beliefs to an extent. It’s hard not to. Thanos is right. To steal a phrase from Mass Effect, it all comes own to ruthless calculus. I saw this thing four times in theaters and four separate audiences were left deflated. Four separate audiences gasped as Gamora took that dive. Four separate audiences cried out as Pete turned to dust. I took my mom and she was irate. To this day, my mom hates Thanos. Two and half hour long movie, and she never lost interest or fell asleep. That, right there, tells you how dope this narrative is. I took my sister and she cried at the end. She sobbed like she lost a loved one and i understood, wholeheartedly, why. I joke with her all the time about how that movie is a pain-train to despair. Even so, I willingly buy that ticket and ride that route to emotional hell at least twice a month because, at the end of the day, Infinity War is the best f*cking thing Marvel Studios has ever made.

2. Logan

I'm not a fan of westerns. I enjoy a select few. Tombstone. That True Grit remake. 3:10 to Yuma. Imagine my surprise when the best X-film in the catalog, and my second favorite capeflick of all-time, is a f*cking western at heart. Logan is Shane. It follows the same beats and narrative tropes of those old timey westerns I absolutely abhor, but the way they are presented in this X-men spin-off, just tickles my fancy, man. This take on Old Man Logan was everything i didn’t know i wanted out of an X-Men narrative. More than that, there are no bad performances in this thing, at all. Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman take their respective bows as Logan and Xavier, the best versions of their respective characters put on full display. Unfettered by PG-13 obligations and selling to children, Mangold was able to craft a narrative that allowed these veteran actors to reach the full heights of their range. They were finally able to portray human characters, not just comic book caricatures. Boyd Holbrook as Donald Pierce is the best thing I have ever seen him in and even Stephen Merchant's Caliban was tremendous.

All praise where it's due, but Dafne Keen comes through and presses all of them for presence. Holy sh*t, this little girl made me want an X-23 spin-off immediately. For the record, Laura Kinney is my third favorite Marvel character after Spider-Man and Doctor Doom. I was hype when she was announced as a principal character in this narrative but a little apprehensive about her age. I was still on board and, when Keen first shows up as Laura, at Wolvie's hideout, my goodness was I sold. Keen f*cks that role all the way up. She stands equal to the talent with whom she shares scenes, and that is ridiculously high praise, because a lot of the scenes she has are with f*cking Patrick Stewart and Hugh goddamn Jackman! Dafne Keen was twelve when she shot this, man! Seeing such a great take on the character, from such a young talent, was a real pleasure. It's unfortunate she won't be able to reprise the role in the MCU. Or will she...? I mean, by the time Marvel gets around to making their X-flicks, she’ll be right in line to play a teenage Laura, one that is closer aligned to the age of the character in the books. And she’s wildly popular. And she’s a legacy character who’s young enough to carry the Wolverine mantle for a few years going forward, so....

1. The Dark Knight

Is this a surprise to anyone? The Dark Knight is in the rotation for my all-time favorite film alongside Forrest Gump and Alien. This is a near perfect film, chock full of stunning performances, brilliant storytelling, and incredible stunt work. The narrative is deceptively simple but it's executed with such precision, such confidence, you forget you're watching what is, effectively, The Untouchables. Seriously, this is one of the best gangster movies available and no one talks about it like that. I’m not saying they should, there’s a very good reason why they don’t, but it’s worth noting that The Dark Knight is, outside of it’s capeflick nature, probably as great as Public Enemies, and that movie is fantastic. In my opinion. The reason that crime noir writing falls by the wayside is because everyone gets caught up in one of the best, individual, acting clinics ever captured on film. Heath Ledger as Joker is a goddamn miracle. He embodies that character wholly. From that opening bank heist, to his victory in defeat, Ledger captivated, horrified, and charmed us all, for two and a half hours. When this released, I got flashbacks to the 89 hype. And just like then, Batman delivered. I saw this in theaters eight times. Eight times, man, and never once did I regret that ticket. It's f*cking incredible and stands as the ultimate example of what can be achieved in the genre to this day. Ledger was the first to earn a prestige Oscar in a capeflick for his Joker and everyone has been chasing that level of quality ever since. Nicholson got the ball rolling way back when, but Ledger was the first to delivered on that promise. It says a lot that the only other Oscar of that caliber went to Joaquin Phoenix, for playing the same goddamn character. Ledger's performance changed the way everyone looks at capeflicks. It changed the way we grade and evaluate them. It changed an entire genre with it's excellence. That performance, alone, should put The Dark Knight at the the top of everyone's list.

Honorable Mentions: Joker, Venom, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Captain America: Civil War, Shazam, Guardians of the Galaxy, Aquaman, Iron Man 2, The Dark Knight Rises, Black Panther, Spawn, Blade, Spider-Man, Spider-man 2, Spider-Man 3, Justice League: War, X-Men: Days of Futures Past, The Wolverine, Deadpool, Justice League: Doom, Marvel's Avengers, Spider-Man: Far From Home, Thor: Ragnarok, Wonder Woman, Captain America: The First Avenger, Hellboy, Hellboy II: The Golden Army

[meldelen]

Dragons of Summer Flame - A (very sad) review

"So you would not apologize to her. You would not ask for forgiveness. What, then, did you want to say to her?" Raistlin was silent long moments. He had turned back to the bookshelves and was staring now at the shadows that surrounded the books, staring at a time that would never happen. "I wanted to tell her that sometimes, in my long sleep, I dreamt of her," he said softly.

Just for this moment, this sad, sad book is worth it.

Why sad? Because after the constant rise that the Chronicles and Legends have been, this closure is a bitter disappointment.

Dragons of Summer Flame is the conclusion of the cycle started with the Dragonlance Chronicles. Honestly, I’ve not re-read the 6-9 books that would go between the Legends and the present one I am going to review - series known as Dragonlance Tales and published as The Second Generation - because I don’t own copies nor did I ever. I didn’t enjoy them enough to buy them. Neither does this one, and it’s in my possession because it belongs to my husband, specifically.

From the Dragonlance Tales, a series of short stories in the style of the Preludes and other prequels and spin-offs, it was only memorable the moment when Palin Majere - younger son of Caramon and Tika and nephew of Raistlin - passed his Test for be a mage. And that's because of the chance of seeing Raistlin again, who’s mostly dead, although the idea that he survived to suffer daily the torture of Prometheus at the hands of his goddess has its macabre appeal. In the end it is just a hoax, like that abomination called Raistlin's Daughter, which I don't know how the authors could have come up with, since it fits the character like a slipper on top of a television.

But let us go to the present volume, Dragons of Summer Flame, a duology that includes The Knights of Takhisis and The War of the Gods in Spain. I said it’s a bitter disappointment, and not because it’s bad in itself - the story’s very original and very well written - but because the authors suffer what I call SAS (Successful Author Syndrome) that has led them, basically, to write a lot of fanservice and pull flashbacks because they already assume that readers will settle for it.

The story revolves around the second generation of the Dragonlance's heroes, that is, their children (or alleged children) and their actions to prevent Chaos, the father of all the gods of Krynn, who has managed to escape his confinement in the Graygem of Gargath, destroy the known world and all gods with it. As I said, it’s not a bad plot. The book rarely gets boring, although it does depending on the section. It has very positive things, such as giving more consistency to the social context, for example, of the city of Palanthas, providing more lore and depth to the story, something that they have rarely done until then. The idea of the evil knights adopting a honor code and polite behaviors to their enemies is also excellent. Not to mention the humor, as good as is always was in this series.

Dragons of Summer Flame. Cover art by Matt Stawicki.

BUT, unfortunately, they take it for granted that, as far as characterization, dialogues and character development are concerned, at this point their readers are unconditional fans and will accept anything. Nope, gentlemen, anything is not enough, no matter how great you were with the Chronicles and wonderful with the Legends. Unforgivable mistakes? Hold my tea:

1. Bring back characters that are already dead. Sorry, but in my modest view, this is a bad author resource. Yes, we loved them, we miss them, but they are dead. Leave them alone. Removing them from the grave is not going to make them better or more lovable. Sometimes the last memory, painful as it is, is the best memory we can have of a character. So leave them alone. The authors abuse visions, flashbacks, or even the physical return (it's a kind of magic!) of beloved characters from the past. Nope, it’s a mistake, because they don’t even play a prominent or relevant role. They are only there out of nostalgia, fanservice and to serve as motivation for the second generation of characters, who are alive. NO, NO, AND NO. 

Raistlin was dead, a martyr to his own ambition, from villain to hero in an instant, a living legend forever in Krynn. Why bring him back stripped of his magic, but still suffering his ill health, so that everyone rubs in his face his many past mistakes, suddenly forgetting that he also died because of them? You’re mean, people. Kitiara, Sturm, Flint, they are dead, let them rest in peace, it’s very annoying constantly bringing them back in visions or flashbacks. Even Tanis, who dies in this book, is soon brought back in another vision. Oh, c’mon!

2. The characters of the second generation are not well developed, they don’t have autonomy or their own personality, I don’t get to love them as I loved their parents. Why? Well, because the authors have made them live in the shadow of their parents (or uncle), stripping them from their self-agency.

About Tanin and Sturm Majere I hardly remember a thing, they start the book already dead, and I can't figure out if they were developed much in the Tales. Palin Majere is a shadow of his uncle, poor thing. I say this because there’s nothing wrong with him - he’s handsome, he’s young, he’s brave, he’s kind - and therein lies the problem, he’s a certified Gary Stu. But he lives with the expectations of being like his uncle, all the time compared to Raistlin, which is absurd, because Raistlin is/was incomparable. His evolution isn’t believable, because we know that he’s a mediocre mage - at best - and in the end we see him guided by his uncle, endowed with invaluable artifacts like the staff and the book of Magius, and doing an OP super-spell that hurts Chaos. Come on, please. We are not blind: victory belongs to Raistlin, who’s the one leading him throughout the book. And that final statement that he’s the greatest mage in Krynn? Please. We all know WHO is the greatest mage in Krynn - and poor Palin doesn't even get to the tip of his golden heel.

Steel Brightblade is Sturm 2.0 despite his mother, Kitiara, suddenly super interested in him - although she’s dead - constantly tries to turn him towards evil. Usha "Majere" is really nobody - thank you, glorified authors, for confirming that she’s NOT Raistlin's daughter and fixing this mess a bit - apart from being another Mary Sue who’s only there to be a link between the Irda - practically just taken out of the sleeve of the authors - and the other mortals. Oh, and to be Palin's love interest, of course.

The only decent character is Tasslehoff again, who, thanks to the gods, although more mature, remains faithful to his essence - and then they go and kill him. And how. Life sentence for Weis and Hickman for doing this to him.

Dragons of Summer Flame. Cover art by Larry Elmore.

3. Flashbacks, repetitions, memories, nostalgia, repeated explanations throughout the same book of events that we already know - and reencounters. Many reencounters. Tense reencounters. Happy reencounters. Reencounters. And the only reencounter that we don't have, the only one that I wanted, that I really needed, never happens - the one with Raistlin and Crysania. Yes, I admit it, it's very problematic. It’s to reunite the victim and her aggressor. Only that a part of me refuses to victimize Crysania, because as Raistlin well says, she knew - mostly - what she was getting into, and besides, Raistlin is totally unrepentant, he doesn't regret anything. But you get to see him reunited with the one that IS his true, real victim - his twin Caramon. In this bloody book full of unnecessary reencounters by mere fanservice, couldn't you have given me this one? Life sentence for Weis and Hickman for doing this to ME.

Anyway, I leave this ranting because I won’t solve anything either. Dragons of Summer Flame, and in general, all the books dedicated to the second generation are an example of why sometimes it’s better to stop writing about the same thing and give rest to your beloved characters. This epilogue, to be honest, was superfluous, better to have closed with the Legends. As a friendly reader out there says, seeing what Weis and Hickman have done to our beloved characters makes you want to shave your head and attack someone's car with an umbrella - only in quarantine I shouldn't and I also like my hair.

SAS. Successful Author Syndrome. When you have succeeded, it’s best to quit. And if you're still going to write more - among other reasons, because the bosses make you - at least leave your dead rest in peace. It’s the golden rule.

Needless to say, I haven't even bothered to read more Dragonlance books from this point on.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E45 (Dec. 18, 2018)

Evening, all! @eponymous-rose​ is off tonight with such silly things like family and events and real life obligations, so I’m here to make bad jokes and have opinions instead.

For those who hadn’t heard, Brian & Ashley are engaged as of this week! Brian is taking both her last and first name to be ultra-progressive. Tonight’s guests: Sam Riegel & Matt Mercer. Matt is here willingly. Sam is not. We’re discussing Episode 45: The Stowaway, sponsored by LootCrate. Brian asks Sam for an impromptu song ad; he rhymes moot and loot and jigs and everyone is a little closer to death than they were a few moments prior.

Tonight’s announcements: Pub Draw & Name Drop are two new shows on the Critical Role channel--check out critrole.com for more details.

This Thursday’s episode is the last of 2018; Critical Role then returns on January 10.

Liam’s oneshot, The Night Before Critmas, airs at 7pm Pacific this Friday night. He’s been planning it for two years, and the VOD will be available December 23.

Talks Machina is also breaking for the holidays and will return on January 8, where they’ll have a cast-wide discussion on the state of the campaign so far. The questions open on Reddit, Twitter, and email on January 4th.

CR Stats: Nott has the most kills of the group with 37. The 45th HDYWTDT occurred in episode 45 as well. Twiggy’s dragon kill was the fifth guest kill of the campaign, and the 2nd guest HDYWTDT. In campaign one, guests got 22 kills and four HDYWTDTs. This was the longest episode of campaign two and the fourth longest of the series.

Matt and Deborah had met extensively to discuss backstory and mechanics, but hadn’t discussed much personality. The only person who wanted to check voice/accent was Khary (with Shakaste).

Deborah was one of the first guests they reached out to when they started streaming all that time ago, but she initially said no because D&D was such a personal thing for her and she didn’t want to share it with the internet. Everyone agrees she was worth the wait.

Everyone’s furious about Daredevil’s cancellation. :(

Sam thought it was fun to play alongside another Arcane Trickster because... “she was very good at it, all that great stuff that I forget to do.” Nott was jealous that many of the things that made her unique were present in Twiggy. However, the jealousy was later reversed because of how excellent Twiggy was in the fight.

The Happy Fun Ball was a narrative device Matt had been planning for a long time--he liked the idea of a pocket dungeon with lore attached. When they realized Deborah’s schedule would put her on a boat in the middle of nowhere, he found a perfect opportunity to bring it in.

Sam asks if Matt intended the device to be a one-use single episode thing, or something recurring, something for the party to further explore at their will. Matt explains very circuitously (and hilariously) that certain DMs may have in the planning of the introduction of the Happy Fun Ball originally intended for such Happy Fun Balls to leave with the guest, and were very surprised when said Happy Fun Ball (and all its hundreds of extraplanar rooms to explore) was left behind with the party instead. He then basically dares Sam to press a button and see what happens.

Nott doesn’t resent Fjord for touching the window or setting a time limit on the library exploration. While it was cool in the library, there were too many things attacking them.

Matt doesn’t necessarily intend his traps for Travis, but he likes having good buttons and bad buttons. “I just want shit to happen. Surprise me!” He admires the player that occasionally gets bold, rather than the one who always sends their minions out to touch all the tiles and trigger all the traps before they ever set foot in the dungeon. He also enjoys the meticulousness of Liam being at the same table as Travis’s impulsiveness.

Sam does not want the fans to send him larger flasks. His current flask holds 128 oz, which is exactly a gallon.

GIF of the Week: @criticalschluck with a hilarious movie-trailer-style GIF of Travis explaining he’s got an intelligence of 6 (Grog), then an intelligence of 14 (Fjord), then pushing buttons and experiencing... consequences.

Nott approves of Caleb’s choice to abandon the books to go back to the party. While she wants as much knowledge in his head as possible, it’s because “a smarter Caleb is a more powerful Caleb, and hopefully a Caleb that can stay alive a little longer.” Matt likes watching characters be put in situations where they have to choose between long-reaching character goals and the people they have chosen as their family. He was fascinated to see the struggle as he was ticking down the time on his sheet. He’s very excited to see what’s going to happen this Thursday.

Brian and Matt both fanboy over Sam’s 1hp decision.

Sam reflects on Jester’s being left behind--”not in a malicious way, you know, but sometimes in a big family someone gets left behind at a mall!”

Matt circuitously explains that the stained-glass window could be used to access other places. This man’s being slipperier than soap suds on wet tile tonight.

Nott was aware that the hit she took for Jester could have been a killing blow, but she was ready--”it was what goes through her head around Caleb a lot: ‘I’ve got to protect my friends.’” She’s very protective and very maternal, and Sam would have been okay if that had been the last of Nott.

Both Sam and Liam (and others) have begun to experience the in- and out-of-game changes that come with finally beginning to really know these characters. They certainly wouldn’t have died for each other at the beginning of the game, even knowing how hard their friends worked on these characters. It was originally a “system shock” (as Matt puts it) which required check-ins after certain blow-ups at the beginning of the campaign to make sure they (the players) were all okay. Now, though, they’re closer and closer to being willing to die for each other for both in-game and meta reasons.

Sam reflects on how both Caleb and Nott hate themselves, but manifest that very differently in how they treat other people. Caleb withdraws and puts up thick walls; Nott is quick to trust and care about everyone.

Nott is least close to Yasha at the moment. She’s still a li’l scared of her.

Matt had a few battle options planned out regarding which parts of which chamber were futzed with. The black tapestry was the one curtain they didn’t mess with that would have led to a “very rough encounter.” Matt had six maps built off-stage, just in case.

Sam’s backup character is a handsome actor named Sam Seagull.

Brian is annoyed that every encounter starts with the chat screaming “TPK.” Matt: “I hope not. That’d be my fault if that happened.”

While the dragon was very powerful, Matt had expectations that the party would understand very quickly that the fight didn’t necessarily have to end with the dragon’s death--he wanted them to understand the challenge was the exit, not the dragon. However, they came in in a different order than he’d anticipated, including party staggering, and that was when he started to get nervous.

Whatever magic had first triggered the first crystal would have been the same magic required to open the second door. It was proximity-based.

Fanart of the Week: @tehsasquatch, with this super-cool portrait of Nott.

On whether Nott feels as if she’s earned her comma: sometimes, especially in encounters like these, Nott feels just for a moment that she can be brave, she can be useful, she can be heroic--and then the moment it’s over the world comes crashing back down. When she’s out of those moments, she feels that she’s still just a goblin.

Is Sam ready for Nott to get the spotlight Fjord’s currently in?

Sam: No. Matt: [very intense face]. There’s a lot of backstory elements that he and Matt know that no one else is aware of, and he’s nervous about those coming to light.

The Traveler’s appearance was complete improv. Matt was reading the situation and the emotions and looking for ways to facilitate a heroic story, and when the dice worked in her favor, he felt it would be a wonderful, dramatic story beat to suddenly include--especially since the Traveler hadn’t responded much recently. Matt: “Yeah, that was really cool.”

The Traveler/Jester relationship has evolved in ways Matt both did and did not expect. He wasn’t sure how seriously Jester was going to take it. It’s the difference between believing in something and allowing that thing to define you as a person. He loves it. Sam: “The Traveler...is Taryon, right?”

Nott doesn’t see Caleb as abandoning her at all. “He’s a weak, puny man who needs to get himself out of danger.” It would have actually been harder if Caleb had been there, because if Nott had had to make a choice as to who to protect, Jester would be dead.

After Beau’s emergence from the orb, she probably for a few minutes would have thought that they were all dead behind her. It wasn’t that hours or days had passed--just a few minutes. Matt found Beau’s and Caduceus’s conversation at the end very fascinating and compelling, especially as a way to end the episode.

Nott agrees that Jester is not as happy and fine as she appears to be, especially after their talk about boys, but doesn���t feel it’s as severe as Caleb’s issues. “Jester’s a functional person.” However, Sam’s excited they’re getting past the “flitty person from the first half of the campaign” to the “core of sadness” as the story progresses.

Matt’s sure Yasha was not happy at all that her friends all disappeared without warning. “She spent six days thinking her friends were never going to come back. She doesn’t cry in a corner; she’s familiar with grief and loss. She hardens herself and moves on.” He’s hoping they’ll get to see some of that this week.

Critmas Spotlight: The Blind Weaver, a really, really cool 3D painting by a lady named Elaine Ryan, which has layers upon layers of polyurethane stained to make an amazing effect. See @elaineryanart on twitter and tumblr for more!

Talks Machina: After Dog

They decide where guests sit at the time of the episode. Matt likes to avoid the edges so they don’t feel like the outlier. Sam requests no attractive guests be placed immediately adjacent to him so that it does not detract from his glory. “That’s why I sit next to doggo Laura Bailey.” Brave man. Brave, foolish man.

Sam likes oatmeal raisin cookies. I am DELIGHTED, WHAT AN OLD MAN WHO SHARES MY TASTE. He also likes Werther’s, which is bringing back so many memories of my grandmother’s house. Matt likes ginger snaps, which are my favorite Christmas cookies also. I would kill for ginger snaps right now. Matt and Sam both are excited about pumpkin pie.

Essential D&D gifts, per Matt: dice, PHB, HeroForge custom minis if you really want to get them excited. He finds that getting in there and making a character can really help hook someone on the visual aspect & get invested in their character. Everything else is fluff. Sam suggests a music playlist for the first game; when he ran his first game with his kids, he liked having gridded paper to draw the maps on.

Matt does not feel that the crew of the ship has been mistreated, but they have been “neglected and dragged through places they didn’t expect.” He does think they’ll talk about everything they’ve done to all their friends and family when they get home in a very “you won’t believe this!” kind of way.

Sam always wears the same tie when he’s voice directing and on the first day of a new show. He’s wearing it tonight and can’t discuss the new show.

Favorite holiday movies! Brian: “Love, Actually” and “Die Hard,” as well as “Miracle on 34th Street.” Matt loves “A Christmas Story” (my favorite also, bless this man). Sam likes “Prancer” and “Scrooged,” but realizes mid-sentence that this is Brian’s first Talks as an engaged man.

Brian on proposing: ”It’s...the best.” They’d been together for over six years & met during the first Last of Us game. Brian describes himself as a former “piece of shit” and a very different person back then. Ashley had no expectations that he was going to propose & was totally surprised. Gah, this is too romantic.

Brian: “I always imagined for years what that moment would be like, and this topped all of my expectations... What more can you really hope for in this life than to feel that feeling with another person? It’s to me the pinnacle of our human experiences to be able to say ‘I’ve been through hell and yet found someone that I can definitely say I want to spend all the days of my life on this earth with,’ and the fact that it happened is fucking cool. It’s like heroin with none of the bad side effects.”

It was extremely stressful--but only the logistics. Apparently Matt’s proposal was extremely logistically intensive; Brian sympathizes.

And on that lovely, quiet note, we’re done for the night. Happy holidays, everyone. <3

[readbythestarlight]

c2e85

Ohhhh boy here we go guys

Liam...?

I don’t

Ah

Ricky and Morty

“The chained oblivion, no big deal” Matt Plz

A dark elf floating six or seven inches from the ground. I don’t like how familiar that sounds.

[[MORE]]

28. Christ.

YOOOOO Pumats gonna fight!

BE SAFE PUMATS

or... not? xD

lol gets up on the counter because the rest of them are

He gonna heal??

He gonna... make them invisible?

NICE made my boy Cad invisible but he had still fight

Pumat looking after his fellow firbolg

I love when they panick go invisible xD

Gonna hide on the bookshelf lol Nott

Ooooo bola shot I like that

Yay bane!

This is gonna be a long slow fight

Nice job Cad, canceling that crit

Ffffuck didn’t cancel the crit fuck

93?! FUCK

NO

MATTHEW

YOU CANNOT KILL NOTT AGAIN

JFC

Oh my GOD I hate everything

Cad getting Nott back up yay!

STUNNED YEAHHHH

Not hang on Matthew STUNNED

Okay okay okay this isn’t as bad as it could be...

Banishing smite?

Oh fuck her

YAAAAS FJORD

BANISH HER TO HER HOME plane

bitch slapped her onto another plane lol

I like Cad’s little defensive stuff. He’s such an excellent support.

Also okay so aside from her high damage attacks this assassin doesn’t seem as terrible as I feared so... what’s the catch? Because something awful is def gonna happen.

PS: “that doesn’t happen every day”

Cad: “it does to us”

I’m glad she left but I do NOT like that she can just sneak up on them at any time

PS: “And now they know where I live...”

N: “You could burn down the store, start fresh?”

PS: “I like where you’re going with that, but I might wanna save that for a last option.”

Pumat has some kind of knowledge about

Pumat can MIND CONTROL?

PUMAT GONNA HELP THEM FREE HER MAYBE?

Poor Laura :(

PS: “not like you burned it down or anything.”

Free shield, nice!

Pumat is a sweet guy I love him and I’ve missed him

Freeloading their way into a short rest lol

Jester for the love of the Traveler do NOT go in there as your mom

FJORD do not encourage this

Beau assuring Jester that she supports HER just not the idea is SO sweet

JESTER oh my god

WHISPERS

Cad’s gonna know before Jester does

Ooh dear their description has gotten back to the other side of the mountains

MOAR WHISPERS

I like how they’re pulling literally everyone they know, pretty much every ally they’ve ever made into this

I’m honestly glad The Gentleman isn’t interested in getting involved. It suits his character well.

EVEN MOAR WHISPERS

Jester’s real sad

Like she really was hoping it was him

(And it still could be, we don’t know what Cad perceived)

Oh god Jester

Oh honey

Poor Jester

xD the Tal’dorea council question strikes again

Aw Jester :(

J: “but if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him it’s fine.”

F: “....we’re glad to have you.”

J: “I’m glad to be here.”

B: “Sometimes found family is better anyway.”

Shit wait fuck

“You should tell her”

IS HE ACTUALLY HER DAD??

holy shit y’all

oh lord Nott had a crush on Caleb??

HOLY SHIT

BEAU ADMITTED SHE HAS A CRUSH ON JESTER

Oh shit the BeauJester fans have been fed tonight

Laura is laying there giggling lol

That’s super sweet that Beau is crushing on her man

I mean I’m still so BeauYasha but

Oh boy okay who is this

Oh it’s him

Oh my GOD

here we go oh god

Also what if he’s her uncle not her dad? He mentioned having a brother...

Oh my GOD HE IS HER DAD

I CANNOT BELIEVE

GENTLEMAN BACKSTORY

I can’t believe I’m having Gentleman feelings

I wanna hug him

Oh god that’s so SAD

He sounds like he still kinda loves her too HELP ME

I’m CRRYYYYING

I’m really sad man

“She loves you. You should have trusted her. I don’t know... I don’t know how you guys could make it work or anything, but... [missed]. She’s never loved anyone since. Just you.”

Operation: Get Marion and the Gentleman Back Together.

TG: “Jester I’m not your father. Any man can have a child. Any man who isn’t around to help raise them doesn’t get to call themself a father.” Owww.

I think you should tell Marion and let her decide. She hasn’t had any say in all of this, I think it’s time she did.

I cannot believe I’m so emotional about the Gentleman.

Jester has this perfect little fairy tale for her parents and I’m literally just sitting here crying you guys

J: “Hey dad, next time I’m in town? Let’s play some Uno.” Crying and laughing and crying.

I stg if he and Marion don’t get their happy ending I’m gonna be SAD

Time to go after Yasha?

Oh dear...

Okay though if it’s addressed to Nott the Brave it’s not from Astrid

Maybe it’s from Caliana or someone again

The looks all the others are wearing

Like Beau’s face

This recording thing couldn’t possibly backfire at all xD

These hijinks omg

I can’t handle it first I’m worried then I’m emotional/crying about Jester and now I’m cracking up

Oh no oh god

Don’t hurt Pumat Sol Matthew I will not forgive you

oh my GOD MATT that PAUSE

Oh my god wait their lie somehow WORKED??

So she lives in Trent’s little compound essentially.

“Oh god it’s her” lol oh Pumat

I love him man he’s a soft boy

Oh dear...

Caleb getting overwhelmed mid trying to plan was excellent I love that call Liam

WHAT

PUMAT IS GONNA TRAVEL WITH THEM?

No no no what if he dies??

DO NOT GET MY COW MAN KILLED

it’s so sweet that he offered I ADORE HIM

I can’t believe he just straight up planned to come with them he was already packed

Like all these othe powerful allies are like “I’ll look into things while y’all do the actual dangerous work” and Pumat Sol is the one who decides he’s going to come and help

We stan two (2) cow men and they are Caduceus Clay and Pumat Sol

I’m really nervous about this though like heading to Rexentrum? Are they ready for this? Is CALEB ready for this??

Oh no Krynn attack that’s bad

I hope it’s not the Krynn

Call Essek find out

Oh god if they help stop the Krynn tho and it gets back to Xhorhas somehow

They’ll never see Essek again and I will CRY

I’m suuuuuper worried about Caleb

Like SUPER concerned look at his face he’s not at all prepared for this

This is definitely a false alarm there are no Krynn

Oh fuck what if Obann is coming for this Colbalt Soul

I am anxious

Go back down Caleb!

Why would you not go back up with the others

Nott, Nott HONEY

Not now!

It’s not the Krynn I will eat my hat if it’s really the Krynn

“Angel’s Eye” oh no

Cardinal Respa?

How far does this conspiracy spread I wonder

“The thing below and the path to it” fuck

“Diversions are already in place” knew it

Oh fuck

Pelor, the temple of the dawn father?

Oh shit they spent so much time in the happy fun ball that the timeline is messed up and this is happening NOW

Fuuuuuck

Oh god they are in it now

Like man even having warned so many allies it’s too late it’s happening NOW

I thought I was stressed last week but nope

Love you too Matt

IS IT NEXT THURSDAY YET?!

This episode in a nutshell: fighting an (immortal?) assassin; Jester’s dad; mail hijinks; TIME TO STOP THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD

[artificialqueens]

Down with the Recipe, Bake from the Heart, 6/10 (Taywhora) - Juno

Chapter summary: For alternative ingredients week, the bakers are challenged by a vegan signature, a gluten-free technical, and a dairy-free showstopper which will threaten to derail them. Meanwhile, Aurora is confused by Tayce’s seemingly opposing actions. Bimini’s motives are a mystery to everyone in the tent. And Lawrence’s strange avoidance of Ellie may send her to breaking point.

WEEK 6: ALTERNATIVE INGREDIENTS WEEK

All of Aurora’s side had moved up one space following Asttina’s unexpected elimination last week. Now Lawrence was at the front of their row, with Ellie behind her and Aurora behind Ellie. On the other side there was Bimini at the front, followed by Tia, then Veronica, and Tayce at the back, still on her own as Aurora’s side dwindled each week.

It was the halfway point in the series, and Aurora wasn’t nervous any more.

Screw that. I’m Star Baker. None of them had better mess with me.

Five more episodes to go, and only four more eliminations. It almost felt like the home stretch.

Aurora was a little taller this week, letting her gaze drift around the much-emptier tent, wondering who the three finalists would be.

Me and Tayce for definite. But who else?

Bimini and Ellie had a badge each, while Tia, Veronica and Lawrence were yet to win one. But Asttina had won the first week and gone home.

Besides, they all had strengths and weaknesses. Ellie couldn’t get consistent in Technicals, but always made up for it with her Showstoppers, a seemingly boundless imagination in that head. And Bimini had been fair, not bad but not great; but they’d won Bread Week. Anyone who watched more than one season of this show knew that winning bread week was basically a Willy Wonka golden ticket to the finale.

Then again, Veronica was a great baker, and she had yet to have a disastrous round, even though she hadn’t exactly done anything groundbreaking either. And Lawrence was consistently in the top half of the pack, and Aurora thought she could have won Bread Week too - if Bimini hadn’t pipped her to the post.

That just left Tia. Tia, who could bake an amazing, light-as-air cake; whose rainbow-iced biscuits were just the right ginger flavour; and whose bread was delicious - but whose bakes always looked like she’d sat on them before presenting them. Great taste, but appalling presentation.

If she starts nailing the looks of her bakes, she’s gonna win a badge.

Still, badges didn’t guarantee you a place in the final. Asttina had already gone home; someone else with a badge might do the same this week.

What if it’s the Star Baker curse? Coming back to take us badge-winners out one by one? Maybe it will be badge-less finale?

But Aurora pushed that thought away.

There isn’t a Star Baker curse. That was just some previous seasons. You don’t win Star Baker and get eliminated the next week any more.

Bimini was grinning from ear to ear, and Aurora realised why - it was alternative ingredients week, and there was definitely something vegan in the pipeline for Bimini to excel at.

——

Signature: 6 vegan mini quiches.

“Prue and Paul would like you to make six vegan mini-quiches this week. Now, these are not quiches made out of vegans, but quiches made with no animal products at all - no dairy or eggs.”

“And of course the filling must also be vegan - so no meat or cheese for the flavourings.”

Aurora grimaced. Here we go.

This was the week Aurora had been dreading. She’d tried to make vegan cakes and gluten-free treats for her work with the shelter, but they’d almost always failed. She’d sworn off making anything for her best friend Blake, who was celiac, telling him to go find a professional baker.

“But that’s you!” He’d protested, nudging her as she declined to make him a birthday cake last month.

She’d sighed. “I’m not that good, mate. I don’t really want to kill you.”

He’d tilted his head. “Bit rich to think you could get rid of me that easily. If you kill me with a bake, I’ll just come haunt you. Rattle some chains at you like I’m fucking - Marley or whatever his name is.”

Aurora sighed at the memory. Trust Bookworm Blake to bring up a Dickens reference.

Once Matt and Noel had announced that it was time to start baking, Aurora grabbed the ingredients she needed and ran her pencil back down her recipe again. The dough for the pastry cases was straightforward enough - she had to replace the milk, but there were plenty of replacements, and Aurora had opted for oat milk, which she’d read was best for vegan baking.

The real challenge, and she thought everyone was thinking the same thing, came to the filling. She had her pastry cases ready to go in no time, but making the filling eggy but also egg-less would be the biggest issue.

God. What do vegans do about eggs?

“You alright, babes?”

Aurora met Bimini’s hazel eyes as they stood, leaning on their elbows at Aurora’s workbench.

“What - what are you wearing this week?” Aurora said finally. Bimini’s outfit this week was a red and silver jumpsuit under the plain beige apron, causing an absurd clash of colours. “You look like a can of Coke.”

“Oh, this old thing? I found it in the back of my wardrobe earlier this week. Nah,” Bimini waved their hand, “it’s a replica of an outfit Noel wore when he was in The Mighty Boosh. You know, that comedy show he did? You never seen it?”

“And he wore that?” Aurora nodded. “Okay. Well, I guess it looks as if it will repel food if you spill it on yourself.”

“You alright, anyway?” Bimini switched straight back to concern, a concern that Aurora was unsure was real.

We’re at mid-point. Is this some kind of game plan that Bim has?

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? Because baking something vegan is normally weird enough for people when they don’t have any vegans in their lives, but like, when it has to be egg-less, people tend to lose their minds a bit.”

“Well -“

Aurora faltered for a second too long; and that was enough of a cue for Bimini to round the corner of the workbench and sift through Aurora’s ingredients.

“Hang on. What are you replacing the egg with?”

“Uhm,” Aurora held it up. “Silken tofu. I thought I’d blend it and use that for the filling.”

Bimini gave a low whistle, nodding and evidently impressed. “Good choice! You just have to make sure you blend it so there’s no lumps. Whizz it up really fast. Give it a splash of oat milk too, you don’t want lumpy quiches. Oh, and if you have nutritional yeast, it will give it a really good flavour.”

Before Aurora could say another word, Bimini had skipped away to Veronica on the other side of the room. “You alright, babes?” She heard them say to her.

“What’s Bim doing?” Aurora asked Ellie as they went to the tea tent together.

Ellie shrugged. “Don’t know. They came over to me earlier and gave me some tips on the egg mixture.”

“They did the same thing to me! Did it help you at all? Are they - d’you think they’re playing the game?”

“Weird game to play,” Ellie shook her head. “And my egg mixture seems to be alright. What I’m wondering is when are they gonna make their own quiches? They’ve spent twenty minutes coming and looking at all ours instead.”

But when Ellie and Aurora went back to the tent, Bimini had put their pastry cases in the oven and was doing some sort of rap and dance with Noel, the cameras trained on them both.

This day is just getting strange.

While her own pastry cases were baking, Aurora watched the judges approach Tayce, who was a little behind the rest of them, still moulding her pastries into the cases and preparing the beads at the bottom of them to keep their shape whilst baking.

“Morning Tayce!”

Tayce blinked, for a second in a dream, before putting on her winning smile. “Bore da, judges! Fancy seeing you here!”

“Tell us a bit about your bakes.”

“Well,” Tayce leant over the workbench, surveying them through her eyebrows. “I’m making some mini quiches flavoured with onions, tomato, and broccoli.”

“What’s inspired that then?”

Aurora’s heart stopped beating for a moment as Tayce paused for a couple of seconds, and then chuckled, a strangely sad sound, her head suddenly dropping to hang.

She straightened back up, putting the winning smile back from where it had slipped.

“Makes me think of my Pops. Out in the allotment, digging around for onions and potatoes and all that stuff, he liked to bring me along and gave me a little trowel and let me dig for worms. He’d say, Oh, they’re good, worms, good for the earth.” Tayce paused, tentative, before her next words. “Would have been his birthday today.”

“That - all sounds very nice,” Prue said gently. “Best of luck! Can’t wait to taste them, Tayce.”

And they were gone, going out the tent to grab themselves a cup of tea for their own break. Tayce stared straight ahead for a few seconds, before biting her lip, turning her gaze down to the onions she was about to start cutting.

Aurora realised her own hand was on her chest, at the base of her throat.

——

In spite of the ingredients being a little unorthodox, not what she was used to at all, Bimini’s tip for blending the tofu worked surprisingly well, and when Paul and Prue had both praised her tomato, spinach and olive mini quiches - not Aurora’s idea, one her nan had told her to do to be ‘more posh’ - Aurora realised with a rush that almost everyone had had some good critiques this week, mostly on the quality of their egg replacements.

And they’d all been based on Bimini’s good advice.

Handshakes were being dished out like Oprah’s cars. Lawrence got a handshake, then Veronica got a handshake, then - Aurora gasped - Tayce got a handshake, looking flustered for the first time since Aurora had known her, with a high-pitched giggle that Aurora was unfamiliar with, and a gasp of “Who, me? Like this?”

“Contest seems to be heating up,” Aurora said, as they sat in Carr Hall’s common room during the break. “And we thought you were trying to sabotage us, Bim!” She said as Bimini approached them, grinning from cheek to cheek, a pile of mini quiches on their plate.

“I’m just happy I get to try everyone’s this week,” they replied, picking up one which Aurora recognised as her own, and biting into it. “God. It’s so harsh seeing loads of cakes and stuff each week and only being able to try your own.”

“I’ve tried vegan baking before, it just always goes tits up,” Tayce piped up, coming to sit down. “Like me on a Friday night. It goes flat, or it goes wonky donkey, or it falls over.”

“Is that the cake, or you on a Friday night?” Bimini nudged Tayce with their foot; Tayce responding by slapping their arm.

“Hey! Cheeky bitch. Bet I’m not the only one.”

Tayce was laughing and joking as usual, while Aurora couldn’t help chewing her lip. It was a little uncomfortable, Aurora found, being around Tayce right now.

Last week had been the strangest week yet. She’d found herself floating through it in a mixture of fun at flirting playfully with Tayce, a little bit of pride at being the centre of attention for once, and trying to let herself enjoy the baking in the same way she did when she baked for her friends - filling it with love and good thoughts and positivity.

And it had worked. A bright badge in the shape of a dessert sat on her chest.

But the day of the Showstopper, things felt distorted again.

She’d known this whole flirting thing was meant to be a play for the cameras. That was what Tayce had implied only two weeks ago, that their romance was mainly for on-screen. But last weekend, Tayce in her bed, warm and secure and silent, was heavenly; both of them comfort for each other during this time, and Aurora dared to hope that Tayce might be starting to feel the same way as she did …

… until she’d woken up the next morning to find an empty bed, a cold spot where Tayce should have been.

And then again in the evening, just the two of them. Tayce hadn’t even responded to her kiss, instead opting to leave straight after, as if she didn’t want to be around her at all.

Aurora didn’t understand, all her thoughts about what was going on and what this blur from fake flirting into actual closeness was … tangling into one big worrisome knot that occupied most of her mind.

Does she have any feelings for me at all, or … is this fake-flirting thing a really elaborate scheme to distract me and get me sent home?

——

Technical: 12 Gluten-free pitta breads

“Any tips for the bakers this week, Paul?”

“Yes.” Paul straightened up. “The ingredients are there to be used.”

At the relative silence throughout the tent, Matt shrugged. “Alright then. That’s nice and clear. They have to leave the tent now, so goodbye judges!”

Once the judges had gone, and the Technical had been announced, Aurora shut her eyes, her fingers drumming on the workbench again. Gluten-free pitta bread? This week was going to be even more hell.

She focused on making notes on her instructions, and once she’d got her ingredients into the KitchenAid, she was starting to feel a little calmer, as she did once things were starting to move. She was running her pencil down her notes when her thoughts were interrupted by a voice in front of her.

“You alright, babes?”

She looked up to see Bimini leaning over her workbench, chin in their hands. Aurora tried to hide the frown. Again?

“Hi. No - no. I can never get gluten-free baking right. My best friend is celiac, and I haven’t managed to make anything he can eat that doesn’t look like a mess.”

“More xantham gum than you think,” Bimini muttered with a wink. “That’ll make it less crumbly. Oh, and if you rest it, it will help the bake.”

When Bimini skipped away again, over to Tayce to most likely give her the same tip, Aurora stared dumbstruck after them for a good ten seconds before shaking her head in wonder and adding another teaspoon of xantham gum to the dish.

“Did he say they wanted six pitta breads?” This time it was Ellie’s voice that made Aurora look up.

“No - twelve.”

“Ah - alright.”

Aurora concentrated on kneading the dough, trying to give it as much air as possible, when she was interrupted again, this time by a gentle but familiar hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at Tayce, who held a cup of tea in her other.

“Thanks.”

The cameras were absent, pointed at Bimini and Noel doing some dance at Bimini’s workbench, rapping along to something.

“You looked like you could do with some tea. Giving that dough some welly, aren’t you?”

Tayce’s voice was strangely subdued, her fingers twisting in front of her. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to savour it. “I love the smell of dough. Makes me think about my nana’s house. She was always baking stuff. Her whole kitchen smelled like a bakery.”

She was stopped in her reminiscing by Ellie knocking her baking tray to the floor with a crash. Pushing her hair behind her ears, Tayce nodded to Aurora.

“Right. Well. Better get back to it.”

And Aurora stared at her retreating back, wondering what had come over Tayce today. She wasn’t really as flirty, more … caring, even bringing over tea for her. This whole arrangement was just getting more confusing. It was supposed to be fake, but now lots of threads of what seemed like care were starting to entwine themselves into the knot her mind was in.

I just can’t think about Tayce right now. It’s too confusing. Focus on pitta bread.

By the time Aurora was laying out her pittas on the baking tray, Ellie spun round to her again, hands clutching at her hair.

“Is it six pitta breads?”

Why am I bloody Wikipedia all of a sudden today? And didn’t she just ask me this a minute ago?

“Eleanor,” Aurora said sternly, while Ellie grimaced, seeming to shrink slightly.

“I know, I know -“

“It’s on the top of the instructions as well - look - twelve pitta breads! I think you need a break or something, Els,” Aurora pointed outside. “Why don’t you take two minutes or something?”

But Ellie’s hands, still in her hair, balled into tight fists as she spoke, sounding a little hysterical. “I can’t - it’ll spoil - I don’t -“

“Ellie, go outside! Go on! You’re panicking!”

As Ellie marched past her outside, Aurora watched Tia, her breads already in the oven, rushing out after her. But Lawrence, in front of Aurora, simply glanced to the clear partition of the tent briefly, before turning back to putting her bread on the baking tray.

“Lozza?” That was Tayce, who had noticed the same thing. But Lawrence didn’t seem to hear her, even though everyone else in the tent did.

“Lawrence -“

“I’ll go get her in a tick, alright?”

Aurora swallowed, watching Lawrence as she arranged her breads, putting them in the oven, and she had no choice but to do the same; time was running out for them all.

It wasn’t long before Tia led Ellie back into the tent, arms linked, as Tia dropped Ellie off at her bench and stopped for a second to talk to her. “It’s just a bake, alright? Sometimes bakes go wrong for whatever reason, and that’s okay! Remember, you can only get better from making mistakes, alright?”

And Ellie nodded, grabbing her dough to shape into the pitta breads. Tia gave her one last squeeze on her forearm before heading back to her own bench to carry on her pittas, which were starting to look a bit flat.

Hopefully that will be the kick Ellie needs to turn this bake out.

When it came to judging, she sat with Tayce, who nudged her in the ribs with an oddly saccharine smile. Ellie still looked subdued on her other side, so she took her hand, rubbing it with her thumb, but to no reaction.

“In seventh place, we have this one, whose is this?” Paul motioned to Ellie’s plate, and Ellie defeatedly raised her hand no higher than her chin.

“Ellie - far too much baking powder in these, it burns the tongue - and a little bit over-baked, we expect them to still be soft in the middle.” Paul nodded to her, but Ellie just blinked in response, pursing her lips.

“And in sixth place -“

“Oh, that’s me,” Tia replied, raising her hand.

“Tia, these are burnt. I know you tried to scrape them a little so it looks a little bit better, but they cracked when we tried to bend them.”

“Okay,” Tia nodded, the earnest smile still on her face. “Next time.”

Aurora still cringed to herself whenever Tia said next time in response to her disasters. When in the name of Dawn French would she ever have to make gluten-free pitta breads again?

Maybe she has a bestie who’s celiac that she really wants to make some bakes for. Like Blake is.

The realisation stung Aurora harder than she thought it would. After all, she’d been wondering if she could make these for Blake one time. She leaned forward and saw Tia, no tears, no self-pity, graciously smiling at Veronica as Veronica tried to comfort her.

She never makes excuses. She’s never sorry for herself. She just … tries again.

Maybe that was it. This competition was about self-improvement, wasn’t it? Aurora pictured how happy Blake would be if she told him when she got back that she’d made something gluten-free and that she could now bake more things the same way.

How much she’d grown as a baker only in these six weeks.

“Whose is this one?”

Tayce was nudging her, and Aurora saw that Paul was behind her photograph. She raised her hand.

“Aurora - really good bake, well done. It just came down to the colour on this one. Which means the winner is … this one!”

Second in Technical! That’s gonna help at this point.

She joined the polite applause given to Veronica for her top placement, Veronica’s mouth agape in apparent shock. But as they all trudged out to the tent for their interviews, she watched Veronica spin in elation, her balled fists in the air to celebrate her placement, as if she’d expected it all along.

How much of any of this is real?

——

“Are they annoyed at us?” Veronica murmured, watching Tia and Ellie on their own on the opposite side of the room. They’d both opted to sit alone together, chatting quietly at first, both pallid and shaky, but now they sat silently, staring at the ceiling fan as it turned.

“I don’t think so -“ Aurora began, but Lawrence was chewing her finger again, and Veronica’s jaw twisted as she watched them. “I mean - you got top and third in Technical, you’re doing good - and they’re happy for you -“

“They don’t look fucking happy,” Lawrence muttered.

“They are, honest to God,” Aurora said, trying to calm Lawrence’s evident nerves, “but like … it’s hard, isn’t it, seeing people do better than you at this stage in the competition? We’re all here to win, at the end of the day.”

“We are all here to win, but …” Veronica trailed off with a sigh. “Me and Tia … we’ve really bonded.”

“You’ll still be friends afterwards! Or - y’know, whatever you two are.”

“What’s that meant to mean?” Veronica snapped.

“It’s pretty obvious to anyone with eyes, Veronica,” Lawrence added, “I don’t think you can really try to downplay that one.”

“Oh, right?” Veronica’s face grew redder with every second. “What about you then, Lawrence, if we’re bringing that up? You’ve been trying to avoid Ellie since Tayce said she saw the two of you canoodling after Asttina’s elimination last week!”

Lawrence’s jaw dropped open, and she frowned. “Canoodling? Did you really just say canoodling in a sentence?”

“I’m gonna go outside if you two are going to just argue,” Aurora muttered, shaking her head, standing to walk away from them both.

Her feet led her outside into the warm evening glow, watching the first of the stars come out into the deepening blue of the sky. The trees around the grounds caught the last orange light, a ring of fire, still a hot pressure cooker of a contest.

Aurora knew where Tayce would be. Through the grounds by the trees was a lake they’d found only last week, that Bimini had told her about, having found it on their morning run. And sure enough, she found Tayce on the bench, leaning on one elbow and kicking dirt with her shoe.

In spite of the confusion in her mind, Tayce still drew her in like a magnet.

When Aurora came to the bench, she startled Tayce momentarily, before Tayce’s easy smile came back, and Aurora sat with her, pulling her close into a one-armed hug.

“Hey.” Tayce gently disentangled herself, still not sounding herself. “Coming to see me?”

“I can’t stand being around those lot any more,” Aurora huffed. “I don’t know what’s going on with any of them, but it feels like you can cut the air in the room with a butter knife, for God’s sake.”

“They’re just annoyed because one of them is getting eliminated tomorrow.”

Aurora blinked at her strangely sharp words. Tayce scuffed the dirt with her shoe, turning to meet Aurora’s stare and to give her a reassuring smile, but it didn’t stretch to her eyes, and she looked as if she almost didn’t seem to believe it herself.

“You got a bit emotional earlier as well, when you were talking about your quiches.”

Tayce shrugged. “Yeah, yeah I did a bit.” She turned back away to scuff her shoe again, a little rougher than before.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shrugged. “Not much more to tell, really, just me and my Pops going to get veggies from the allotment. He had tomatoes in his greenhouse. And broccoli. He had loads of veggies.”

“Did he bake with you too?”

“Yeah. Actually, he liked making a quiche or two. Normally with ham, but he used to let me put the beads in the pastry tins to keep the crust from moving. Or he’d make a pie and let me do all the crimping on the edges.”

Tayce’s smile was fading as she spoke, leaning her head back to look at the sky.

“I miss him.”

Three words that hit Aurora right in the middle of her chest.

Her own eyes welling up, she rubbed Tayce’s back, until Tayce shuffled nearer and let herself drop her head to Aurora’s shoulder, let Aurora pull her in tightly, sitting silently to count the stars as they came out of their hibernation.

“It’s weird.”

“What’s weird?” Aurora asked.

“I dunno, just - it’s weird the things that remind you of people.”

“That doesn’t sound weird to me.”

“I mean …” Tayce began, but she stopped, twisting to get comfortable. “Oh, it doesn’t matter.”

Tayce was an elastic band, pulling away before snapping her back with a modicum of tenderness, and letting Aurora back in to see through some of the cracks in her armour. Just enough to keep Aurora hanging on, so it felt.

It was exhausting.

——

Showstopper: A dairy-free, vegetable-based novelty cake.

The Showstopper seemed straightforward enough. Everyone liked carrot cake, right? At least, Aurora enjoyed a slice of the orange stuff, although when she’d mentioned it to Ellie this morning she’d wrinkled her nose in an adorably disgusted manner.

“What’s yours going to be, then?” She’d asked.

“Beetroot.”

“Beetroot?”

“Yeah,” Ellie had nodded earnestly, “like, I know it sounds a bit weird, but trust me, when you mix it with chocolate it tastes like heaven.”

Aurora hadn’t pushed the matter any further, but a bigger part of her than she anticipated was hoping Ellie could pull it off. After all, she and Tia were practically tied for worst at the moment, and as much as Aurora was growing to like Tia, she and Ellie had bonded far more.

On Aurora’s left, she watched Tia chopping sweet potatoes that would form the basis of her own cake, ready to cook and then go into the mixture. Veronica, in front of her, was also making sweet potato cake, but Aurora wasn’t worried about Veronica.

When she and Tayce had spoken about who she thought would excel at this week, they’d both said Bimini above everyone, but Veronica had been the shock frontrunner, the dark horse, as she had been all this contest. Veronica tended to keep to herself, grinding her teeth and locking her jaw, a cool stare keeping everyone away.

How someone as uptight as Veronica had thawed to someone as lackadaisical as Tia was anyone’s guess.

“Yeah, I guess she’s a bit stiff,” Tia had shrugged when asked about Veronica, “and yeah, don’t mention anything about the two of us to her, she’s a bit nervous about it being public yet. But we actually have loads in common. She’s really arty. She painted one of the scenes I photographed and showed it to me this weekend, and that meant a lot.”

“She - she paints?”

Tia had shown them all Veronica’s instagram, where Veronica had painted breathtaking scenes and posted them there. Watercolours mostly, with the odd acrylic, some experimental but mostly true life, leaping from the screen and into their minds.

Veronica might not be quite making the same art as usual now, but her bakes definitely showed some artistic flair when she presented them. They always had to be just so. And her colour palettes were always a theme in the judges’ comments.

“Well,” she’d grinned nervously this morning at breakfast when asked, “I’m left-handed. So I’m a bit arty farty, yeah.”

Aurora stole glances around the room as always, seeing Bimini with Tia a lot more today, leaning over her workbench and giving her guidance. Ellie looked a little less nervous, but she and Lawrence still weren’t really communicating.

Maybe Lawrence really is trying to avoid her. Or maybe they’re avoiding each other.

But Ellie had changed the subject this morning when Aurora had tried to bring it up. Turning the conversation back to her and Tayce.

And that was complicated enough.

This morning was the second weekend in a row she’d found herself falling asleep with Tayce in her bed, and the second weekend in a row she’d woken up in the morning to find an empty space there again.

It was a strange, numbing place, and Aurora wasn’t even sure what they were at the moment. Sure, they’d agreed to put on a bit of a show for the cameras. And Aurora could deal with that, with the playful nicknames, the kisses, the touch that didn’t feel tender enough to be more than method acting.

But Tayce spending the night in her bed had been an odd addition. Aurora had held her hand as she’d drawn her back from the pond, and they’d both ended up back in her room again, Netflix on, curled up into one another under the duvet.

All it had taken last night was half an episode of Glow before their hands and arms had intertwined, drawing them nearer still, into slow breathing in tandem with each other. Tayce purring at Aurora’s fingers as she played with her hair, until her breathing had relaxed even more and Aurora had looked down to see Tayce asleep at her chest, too serene to disturb by shifting her.

Nothing about it felt like an act. In fact, it was practically the opposite - bare bones, honesty, sincerity.

A far cry from the motions in the tent.

“Hey, babe. How’s the carrots?”

Speak of the devil.

Before Aurora had the chance to look up, she felt Tayce’s fingers at her waist, her chin resting on her shoulder.

Tayce seemed to be feeling a little better this morning. Her relaxed smile was back, her eyes glinting with the same mischief, and Aurora’s stomach was turning somersaults at the contact.

“Carrots are good. Just grated far more than I’ll need, just in case. What are you making with yours?”

“I’m making carrot cake too!” Tayce chuckled in her ear, sending a shiver down Aurora’s neck. “What a coincidence. It’s almost like we’re really in tune with each other. I hope you haven’t read my mind on what my flavours will be as well?”

But as Aurora looked, two cameramen were following them over to Tayce’s bench, as Tayce’s hand hovered at her back. “Carrot and cream cheese replacement, and I’m gonna shape it into a cow’s head, because … you know, no dairy?” Tayce chuckled. “I’m a comedy genius!”

“So we’re a bit different then,” Aurora nodded, as Tayce rested her head at her shoulder. “I’m adding diced pecans to mine.”

“So different then,” Tayce interrupted her, smirking, a hideously fake giggle bubbling at her throat. “That’s good. We’re just doing carrots at the same time! Imagine if we’d had the same recipe and the same idea. That would be strange, wouldn’t it!”

She’s trying a bit too hard now.

Tayce’s fingers were looped round her waist, her head on her shoulder; but she didn’t seem to be listening, just talking at the cameras pointed at them both. Aurora disentangled herself from Tayce’s touch and smiling as widely as she could, backed away.

“You going back to your bake?”

“Yeah - lots to do, Tayce,” Aurora muttered through gritted teeth.

“Alright. Cwtch you later.” Tayce cocked an eyebrow as she smirked, but Aurora’s stomach twisted at how sinister her words seemed to sound on her tongue.

——

“Veronica, would you bring your cake up to the front please?”

Veronica was last this week - the judging had been in alphabetical order - but Aurora had also barely been concentrating. Tayce’s actions this afternoon had confused her yet again, and she’d tried to avoid speaking much to Tayce for the whole rest of the day, but that hadn’t gone as well as she’d hoped. Tayce had come over regularly, and cameras had followed them both around.

“It’s - it’s a sweet potato cake flavoured with almonds, and the icing is dairy-free buttercream with a vanilla flavour.”

Veronica was giggling nervously, while the rest of the people in the tent smiled at her. But Aurora’s mind span in a whirlwind of thoughts.

What if Tayce really is trying to distract me? To throw me off?

The thought struck her over the head, a sudden bolt of lightning that left her numb with the shocking gravity of it.

No. Tayce is trying to keep attention on us. She’s trying to help us.

… or at least help herself.

But Aurora hastily pushed that notion away. After all, everyone else in the tent was also fighting for that attention, whether they meant to or not.

Take Bimini, and their absurd dancing and rapping with Noel, what they insisted was called a crimp, whatever that meant. Was that genuine, or was that the result of them all being on the show? Maybe Bimini was a bit of an exhibitionist, but maybe they weren’t - maybe it was a front.

Was that really all that different to Tayce wanting to play up their relationship to the cameras?

How do I know that she feels anything for me at all?

“Beautiful. Beautiful flavours, you don’t get anything apart from a rich, sweet cake, and the design is ingenious. Really great week for you, Veronica.” Prue was smiling her sweet smile, and Veronica hunched shyly into her shoulders as she took the cake back.

The fog of dread was descending on them all as they walked back to Carr Hall. The bakes were always put on a table for them to try, before being given to the crew at the end of the day; but no one really felt like eating anything as they went in, the fog following them all.

“We don’t want anyone to go home at this stage,” Veronica said grimly.

They all knew what she really meant, Bimini more than anyone, as they nodded and stretched their legs out. “It’s shit. I feel like a jinx. Get too near to me, and you’re gone. Happened to Ginny, then Asttina.”

Aurora thought back to the judging for Bimini’s Showstopper, which hadn’t gone as well as any of them had thought.

“I thought this week was yours for the taking, Bim,” Aurora said quietly, cautious. “It’s all vegan stuff, and alternative ingredients. No one would have thought you’d be getting those sorts of critiques.”

Everyone murmured in agreement. The judges has been kind as always, but it was clear that Bimini had landed themselves in trouble at the expense of helping out everyone else in the tent, helping them all with their recipes.

“Well, I did.”

They all turned to stare at Bimini’s dark words.

“Bim?”

“It’s my own fault. Well, not even really a fault. But somewhere between Asttina going home and me coming back here this weekend, I decided it’s probably not important.”

“What isn’t?”

“A cake stand.” Bimini laughed bitterly. “That’s what it is! A cake stand. And I can get one of those from M&S. I could get Joe to come with me. No, I knew this was gonna be an okay week for me, so …” they shrugged, “I wanted to help you all out too. So it looks like I didn’t really … try.”

But Bimini was smiling still.

“I mean, it’s not all bad, is it? You can now all bake vegan quiches. You can make stuff for your intolerant mates, or your vegan mates, when you get back. That’s more important to me than winning this week - getting you all to be able to make more stuff vegan for your friends. Anything you can bake, I can bake vegan, and I feel like spreading awareness is gonna be better in the long run than me winning a badge!” They waved a fist in the air.

“Don’t you … want to win?” Aurora asked.

Bimini paused for half a second too long before nodding.

“I do want to win, course I do - but this show is a platform as well, know what I mean?”

——

When the producer came in to call them back to the tent for the elimination, Aurora watched as Ellie jogged to Tia to hug her around the waist, both of them holding back to let the others go, Tia wiping tears from her cheeks as they stood there.

As Aurora left them to it, she walked into Lawrence, at the doorway, watching the entrance intently.

“Lozza?” Tayce called to her from the grounds, but Lawrence waved them on.

“I’m coming - see you inside.”

Lawrence and Ellie were last in the tent, the rest of them on their stools while they waited, no one quite sure what they were doing outside. But when Aurora finally watched Lawrence come in with Ellie, both of them had red eyes and Lawrence’s eyeliner was running as they sat down.

Veronica put a hand to her mouth at being called for Star Baker. Aurora clapped her politely, while Tia smiled widely and rested her head on her shoulder, pulling her into a one-armed hug.

But Tia was biting her lip, waiting for the call for the next person to leave the tent. They all knew it was between her and Ellie, and Aurora could hear Lawrence whispering to Ellie, who was staring straight ahead as usual, but she couldn’t make any words out …

“Tia. I’m so sorry, Tia.”

Veronica’s hand, lingering at her mouth, shook as she gasped.

But Tia, her face deadpan as ever, tilted her head. “Are you sure? Positive? I mean, I don’t have any other plans, so …”

Aurora managed a laugh at Tia’s attempt at humour at the situation, but she appeared to be the only one. Bimini’s eyes were downcast as they got up to hug Tia, and Tayce was rubbing Veronica’s back to comfort her. Lawrence had her arms linked around Ellie’s waist while Ellie dabbed her eyes.

“Come on, Els - it’s fine, I knew it would be me -“ Tia wrapped an arm around them both, unable to disentangle Lawrence from her, drifting over to Aurora next, and then Tayce.

Veronica, both hands in hers, stared up at her with eyes pooling with tears, as Tia bent to whisper something in her ear, causing Veronica to snort with laughter and double over, before tugging Tia towards her, wrapping her arms around her waist, Tia dropping kisses on her forehead before they both left the tent for their winning and exit interviews.

“What did Tia say to you?” Aurora asked Veronica later on, when Veronica came back to Carr Hall, her face red and eyes bloodshot.

“Oh,” Veronica snorted again. “It’s nothing, just silly stuff -“

“It must have been good, if it made you perk up?”

“Alright,” Veronica said, sniffing. “She said - she said If I had a badge, I’d be leaving it to you in my will. That was it. I don’t even know why I found it funny, but it was at the time.”

Tayce threw back her head in a laugh. “Only way you’re getting another badge, Vee!”

Veronica blinked before smiling, more like a grimace; but Aurora’s blood had frozen at Tayce’s comment. The languid smile on her face, the flash in her eyes, just made Aurora question Tayce’s intentions even more than she already was.

Tayce had changed.

The woman who had helped her cut and load her brownies only two weeks ago, now tossing verbal barbs at any opportunity. Yesterday about Tia and Ellie. And now to Veronica. And as much as she was madly attracted to Tayce, there was no denying that doubt crept around the edge of Aurora’s mind at this new development, unsure what Tayce was truly thinking.

What would she be saying about me if I’d gone?

——

SIX BAKERS REMAIN

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.43 prt.1

Keith slept like a log. When Lance had left so suddenly it’d taken Matt to make him realise what was happening. Forced into conversation, it’d been nearly an hour before he headed upstairs to check on Lance. Finding his boyfriend asleep and the sweet smell lingering in the room, he grabbed a blanket off the bed and stuffed it along the bottom of the door to keep the scent in. Shooting Shiro a quick text to let him know Lance was “sick”, Keith hoped that Shiro got his implied message. Stripping off to his underwear, Keith slid under the blankets where Lance immediately moved to cuddle him, mumbling his name as he wrapped an arm around Keith’s waist. Why couldn’t Shiro see this side of Lance? Sure, he might be a vampire, but he really was stupidly sweet. Not used to sleeping with someone like this, Keith had expected to spend the night tossing and turning, or even to be plagued with nightmares as usual, instead he woke to find himself spooned up with Lance curled around him.

Letting Lance sleep a little longer, Keith wasn’t looking forward to crawling out of bed. He would have stayed with his boyfriend but his bladder had other ideas, Lance stirring as he lifted his arm from around his waist

“Keith?”

“Bathroom”

“Mmm... ‘kay”

Using Lance’s bathroom felt like a privilege. Keith making sure he hadn’t made a mess before stumbling back to bed. Lance had woken up properly, but that didn’t mean he’d gotten out of bed. Crawling back onto the bed, Lance automatically reached for him, Keith too uncaffinated to feel embarrassed or protest as he climbed into Lance’s hold. Kissing his cheek, Lance sighed as he leaned against Keith

“Good morning”

“Mmm...”

“I know. You haven’t had your coffee yet. Do you have enough energy for me to cuddle?”

“Mhmm”

Lance kissed his cheek again

“Thanks for being here when I woke up. I know you’re not used to it and I’m not used to it, but I really needed a hug”

Turning his head, Keith pressed a kiss to Lance’s lips. Lance blushing slightly as he did

“It’s okay... are you okay?”

“Yeah... I slept like the dead”

Keith groaned at Lance. It was too early for his shenanigans

“Didn’t like that one? I’ll keep it in mind. Let’s get you your coffee. Everyone else is already up”

Lance laughed at him as Keith struggled into a pair of the vampire’s jeans and a shirt. Though he would have been fine wearing the clothes he’d had on the day before. Keith glaring the best glare he could manage, mind firmly on his coffee, as Lance went about getting dressed, Keith made to not peak as he changed underwear. Not that he was going to peak. Lance had nothing to be ashamed of down there, but there was a fresh wave sweetness that lasted a few seconds, making them both blush for no damn reason. Keith wasn’t a natural born blusher, yet it seemed to just happen around Lance. Managing to look far more presentable than Keith did, his boyfriend was annoying like that.

Yawning as they entered the kitchen, Keith ignored everyone as he made a beeline for the coffee machine, only to be irritated that his normal cup wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Sharing a house was already proving annoying. He didn’t like it. That wasn’t to say he didn’t like Matt and Rieva... he just liked things better when people didn’t interrupt his coffee routine. Glancing back to Lance, he found he’d already ducked out, leaving him with no support over his stolen cup

“How’d you sleep, kiddo?”

Keith grunted at Shiro. He didn’t deserve words until Keith got his damn cup of coffee

“It’s like watching Pidge in the morning”

“Keith isn’t functional until he’s had his coffee”

“Pidge is like a demon. She’d literally bite ankles if she could get away with it”

“Keith is too. He bit me once for moving his coffee”

“Oh, man. That’s just too good”

Matt and Shiro both seemed in excellent moods as they talked about him. That was something. Yesterday had been draining and he didn’t want a repeat.

“What are we talking about?”

Keith felt himself blushing as Lance walked in. His boyfriend didn’t need to know he was being teased

“Keith is acting like Pidge”

“Pidge is worse. Keith isn’t as snarky as she gets. You guys eat?”

Lance seemed happy enough replying to Matt. Hopefully that was a good sign

“Yeah. We helped ourselves. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I meant it’s your house too now. If there anything in particular you don’t eat or we need, let me know. I promise I don’t bite”

Matt laughed, even his laugh sounded like Pidge’s. Keith now wondering if she was on her second cup with her laptop in front of her. It seemed highly likely

“Honestly, there’s not a lot we don’t eat. What about you?”

“Blood three times a day and I eat. I think there’s a conversation we need to have too over what happened last night”

Keith froze. He felt like Lance was pushing himself when it came to the subject he thought his boyfriend had in mind. It meant confiding in strangers, which he wasn’t good at. He didn’t dare turn around as he watched his coffee finally coming out the machine and into the inferior cup he’d taken off the hook

“Did we do something wrong?”

“No. It’s just... It might make things complicated and hearing you react last night really drove home how awkward this might be”

“Man, you’re scaring me now”

There was the scraping of a chair, meaning Lance had sat. Keith felt like he should do something, but he didn’t know what

“It’s not you, it’s me... Wow, I didn’t think I’d be using that line so early in the morning... so... um... I’m not a normal vampire”

“You can’t turn into a bat or hypnotise humans to do your will?”

Lance snorted

“I can turn into a bat... not a very good bat... No, it’s, um... I’m a vampire, but... um... I get flushes like a werewolf... in heat. It’s from drinking human blood. Well, from drinking Keith’s blood. You know what it’s like when you turn, so I’ve been trying to live as humanly as possible... I didn’t go out of my way to find out much about that side of things. I thought I had a handle on it... but Keith was the first human I ever drank from... and his blood changed my body. You caught my scent last night... and fuck this is embarrassing. I’m a breeder...”

Lance’s words hung in the air, Keith finally able to move again. Turning, he found himself walking to Lance’s side, and placing his hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn’t alone

“... and I’m kind of dating Keith”

Matt gaped at the pair of them. Shiro didn’t say anything, which Keith was grateful for

“Pidge never told me that”

“Pidge doesn’t know. That I’m a vampire or that I’m dating Keith. I don’t want to make a big fuss out it. But I really wanted to explain so there wasn’t a misunderstanding on why I left the room the way I did”

“So you go into heat?”

“Basically... My body is still adjusting to it. I didn’t think I could get any weirder but here we are. That’s why Curtis is here. In case I get sick again, or turn into a bat again. It’s not something I can control”

Matt snorted. Keith felt like punching him until he shook his head, he must have been glaring at the man

“Lance, dude, that’s not that weird. You’re in a room with two werewolves, and a cursed guy. We get it. We don’t really talk about heats outside of with our mates, but now things make sense. It’s cool, dude. We’ll show you a good time if you ever...”

Rieva slapped the back of her boyfriend’s head

“Ignore him. He doesn’t get it. If you need help managing your heats, we can talk”

Keith felt like he was invisible. He was the one trying to help Lance with that

“Hey, does that mean you’re boning Shiro’s little brother?”

“We’re not having sex... and that’s fine. My body isn’t stable”

“Damn Keith, you’ve got some balls being with a vampire. Make sure you keep his fangs away from your junk. Shiro, you didn’t let me know about this. You must be freaking out”

Shiro sighed

“Keith and I talked, then Lance I talked. They both know I don’t want either of them going through something like what happened to Adam”

“What happened to Adam was messed up, but Lance seems to have his shit together better than any of us. Plus, he can cook, so Keith isn’t gonna starve, and he’s got a house and job. At least he’s not doing crack in some back alley”

“This is true...”

Matt pulled a face at Shiro

“You’re a right royal arsehole when you travel. You should have seen him in Platt. Zero patience. I thought that orange haired dude was gonna have a coronary”

“I wasn’t that bad”

“You punched the elevator wall because you tripped into it”

That sounded like Shiro was stressed rather than just being cranky from a long flight

“It had it coming”

“Basically you were a dick and now you’re embarrassed. I can smell it on you”

“Fuck off. He’s my brother. I’m allowed to be worried”

“As long as you’re not dooming things. Patience yields focus... so focus on having some patience and not bringing the vibe down”

Keith had to hide his smile behind his hand. Shiro was being put in his place by Matt the same way Adam would have. It was easy to see the absolute worst in people after the shit they’d seen. One time they’d been on a hunt and the vampire caught wind of them. It left its human pets behind, Keith taking months to get over that. There was something even more fucked up about it feeding on children. The memory still made him queasy and his nightmares had been out of control over it. Back in their old apartment there’d been a bullet hole left in wardrobe thanks to him leaving his gun beside his bed before falling asleep. Adam had been pissed for days over it. Keith then forbidden from having his gun in his room, instead it went in to the safe in the hallway.

“You’re making me feel old here”

“Don’t start with that. We’re the same again”

“Technically I’m the older here, so you’ve got nothing to worry about, Shiro. There’s hope for you left”

With how negative Shiro had been, Keith expected him to snap at Lance. Instead his brother shook his head, looking like he’d been ganged up on. It wasn’t so funny when the teasing was happening to him

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better?”

Lance shrugged as he undid the cap on his bag of blood

“Whelp. I tried. Keith, your coffee’s going to get cold. Now, Matt, please tell me I don’t have to lie to Pidge for much longer. She always comes by on the weekends, she’s actually past due for a visit this week. I want to let Hunk know ahead of time, so he can be here too”

Keith went back to his coffee, some one had been at his milk. He had enough for two coffees left despite the fact they’d been shopping with Curtis. He wasn’t happy as he rationed his milk carefully, before carrying the cup over to the table to sit by Lance. His boyfriend was still on guard but Keith could tell he was feeling better now that he’s confused his secret. Keith quietly proud of him

“Tomorrow morning. Call Hunk and let him know. I probably need your number too while I’m at it”

“Sure. So what are you planning on doing today?”

“Shiro insisting on training to better protect ourselves. Maybe we can answer that age old question?”

“Which is?”

“Are vampires really that strong?”

Lance rolled his eyes

“Remember you said that when I’ve wiped the floor with you, Fido”

“Hey, Keith why don’t you stick your hand up his arse and count to ten. This over stretched muppet’s got no clue”

Lance groaned at Matt

“Dude... don’t bring the muppets into this. Though Curtis would be the Chef. No idea what he’s doing in the kitchen and I’m sure he’s make copious amounts of spaghetti if he could”

Curtis sighed, not wanting to be dragged into this

“You kill one toaster and they never let you forget it”

“Nope”

*

Keith wasn’t sure about this. Curtis warned Lance not to push himself, Lance simply declaring this to be “his weeks worth of physical activity”, before starting to stretch. Sitting in the backyard, Shiro and Rieva sat by him. Curtis would be the referee and Rieva would jump in if Matt got too carried away. Keith was quietly trying not to interfere, telling himself that this was Lance accepting how Matt wanted to bond. Catching his eye, Lance winked at him. Keith realising Lance hadn’t taken his glasses off. The idiot was on his way to breaking another pair

“Lance, glasses!”

Practically smacking himself in the face, his boyfriend pulled his glasses off, jogging over to Keith

“Good call. Look after them for me”

“Don’t make me regret this”

“Look at as a chance to make you fall for my fine Cuban arse all over again”

Keith wasn’t having it

“You hate combat”

“Yeah... but it’s an ego thing... Besides, we’ve got rules. No breaking anything and no going for the throat. Oh, you better take my jacket too”

“Fine. But don’t come crying to me when it hurts later”

“I will”

Lance looked like a video game character as he bounced on the ball of his feet. Curtis didn’t seem pleased to be between two supernatural creatures

“Ready?”

Lance nodded, Matt adopting his own pose. Keith waited for the video game announcer voice to come from no where... unfortunately it didn’t

“Yep”

“Bring it Dracula”

“No changing shape, wolf boy”

“I won’t need to”

“Remember that when Rieva’s patching you back up”

“That’s some pretty feisty talk from a virgin”

“What can I say? I believe in true love... and kicking your arse”

“I’ll believe it when I see it”

“Oh, it is so on”

Curtis retreated half a dozen steps backwards

“Okay. Don’t kill each other. Fight!”

Both males circled as they sized each other up. Matt growling at Lance, Lance’s fang emerging as his facial expression changed. His eyes changing from their brilliant blue to something darker, almost completely black as pupils dilated. Keith felt a stab of fear. Lance looked as if he’d let his ego go completely, Matt baring his teeth at the threat

“All bark and no bite?”

“You’re not going to beat me”

“No. You’d have to throw a punch first. If you wanna tuck your tail between your legs and run along, I won’t tell”

“Arsehole!”

Matt let Lance provoke him into the first swing. Lance blocking as he leapt back

“You’re going to lose if you can’t hit me”

Starting to circle again, it felt like a weird dance between the two of them. Lance could be a pain in the arse, practically an expert at avoiding physically attacking. Keith was worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t know what to do. Lance’s fighting experience of late had been fighting him

“Fine. I won’t hold back. You don’t hold back either”

Not holding back put everyone in danger. Matt and Lance going for each other too fast for Keith to catch up. One stage Matt was on the defence and the next he was throwing Lance across the yard... which Lance didn’t take too kindly too. His whole feel changed. His teeth bared as he smiled, nails elongated, and he seemed taller than Keith remembered. He was cold. And he was distant. This was the side himself that Lance feared. The two were back at it again, Keith had a mind to stop this. Lance hated senseless violence and this couldn’t be good for his mental health. Catching Matt as he lunged, Lance wrapped his legs around the man, head butting him hard. Matt grabbing Lance by the waist to slam him down, only for Lance’s legs to end up wrapped around Matt’s neck, hands pulling on the werewolf’s hair. Matt’s hands found their way to Lance’s throat, dropping to his knees as smashing Lance’s head against the ground. Beneath him, Lance went limp as Keith went cold. They weren’t supposed to do serious harm to each other. Matt immediately releasing Lance’s neck, only for Lance to draw himself backwards, kneeing Matt in the chin as he did. Keith hadn’t even seen how Lance managed it. The Cuban joked about being flexible, but this was something else. Snarling, Matt’s internal chain on his wolf snapped. The man changing shape and lunging at Lance. Rieva was tackling him down before Keith could shout in warning.

Laying on the grass, propped nip on his elbows, Lance watched as Rieva changed into her wolf, pining Matt down and snarling at him. Changing back to his human form, Matt looked a little sheepish as he cranes his neck to see Lance

“You good man?”

“Yep. You?”

“Yep. Tie?”

“Yep”

“Okay. Babe, you can get off me now”

Rieva turned back, Keith looking away from where she and Matt were. Both too naked and too casual about the whole thing

“Idiot. What have I told you about you wolf?!”

Matt whined pathetically

“I didn’t mean too”

“I don’t care. You need to control yourself”

“I was having fun. We were having fun, right, Lance?”

Lance flopped back, hand coming up to shield his eyes

“Sorry, you’re own your own with this one. I don’t like fighting at the best of times. Between you and Keith I’ve learned so many new moves I don’t think I wanted to learn. I like peace and not exercising... ugh... I think I’m dead”

“Dude, you’re already dead”

“Fair... I’m going to take a bath”

Keith watched Lance climb to his feet. His boyfriend swaying a little before limping over to him. Something inside Keith coiled away in fear of never having seen Lance like this. His heart was racing from raw power of the fight

“I won’t touch you, there’s blood and that’s dangerous. Can I have my glasses and my jacket?”

“Oh... sure... do you need help getting to the house?”

“Nah. You say and enjoy the sun”

Keith didn’t know if Lance had seen the fear in him, but he hoped he hadn’t. The fight had stirred up other emotions in him, other than his fear over Lance’s mental health. Taking a deep breath, he couldn’t quite catch it. Emotions over Adam too strong to stomp down. The fight has been so fast. The grass torn up from the force behind each twist and move. Adam never would have stood a chance... but if Adam had survived the turn why couldn’t he fight back? How had Shiro survived with simply getting scarred?

“Keith?”

Shiro’s voice was gentle, his brother asking if he was okay in just the use of his name

“I’m heading back up to the house”

*

Keith could hear Blue yowling as the sat himself down on the stairs. Burying his face in his hands, he fought to control his breathing. He hasn’t pushed Shiro on the death of Adam. He hadn’t pushed him and now all these questions wouldn’t shut up. Blue sounded worried, her cries getting louder and louder, Keith feeling he needed to find her, even if it was just to make himself feel better for doing something. Heading upstairs, Keith followed Blue’s unhappy cries to Lance’s bathroom door. Scratching on the wood, the feline was begging her human master to be let in, Keith crouching down to scoop her up where she immediately bit his hand

“You don’t want to go in there. There’s water in there”

Blue protested hard, Keith opening the door and the cat immediately jumping from his arms to the tiled floor

“Keith?”

“Sorry, Blue wanted in”

“I heard... Hey, can you come in here for a moment?”

It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to be.

Slipping into the bathroom, Keith closed the door behind him. Blue was standing with her paws on the edge of the bath, Lance buried in a mound of bubbles. Keith wasn’t sure if he was supposed to look at his boyfriend or not

“What’s up?”

“Can we talk?”

“Aren’t we already?”

Lance huffed, turning his head towards him. The vampire sporting a rather impressive black eye, Keith’s breath catching at the sight

“It doesn’t hurt. Just... I need to... I need to talk to you and I’m worried”

Keith swallowed, nodding before heading over to sit on the toilet on lid

“What is it?”

“I... I want to apologise for upsetting you”

“You...”

“I did. I did and I know I did. You’ve been worried about me since this morning, but I still went ahead and fought with Matt, like I didn’t respect your feelings. I kind of want... I want to explain things to you”

Keith shook his head

“You don’t have to”

“I do. I do because you’re important to me. What you saw today, that was ego. Matt losing control, me losing control. That was ego. Last night I was pretty upset at the situation. About everything. Me. Us. This body. While you were getting dressed I was gathering up my bravery to tell him. You know that drive. How you train yourself until you feel satisfied and you hurt in a good way... feeding my ego is kind of like that need. It’s not but it is. My ego and his would kept clashing, so I told myself that if he suggested it, I’d agree. What I didn’t think about was you... and I feel like a douche for it. I know I scared you... I scared me when I saw my face... and I’m... I’m sorry”

Keith blinked half a dozen times. Feeling mad at Lance for not talking to him ahead of time. He had scared him. And he’d been scared for him. He’d thought his heart was going to stop when Matt changed shape. Lance was prepared for it, and he wasn’t

“Why couldn’t you talk to me?”

“We kind of...”

“You didn’t make the effort before deciding everything yourself”

“Keith...”

“No. You let yourself be hurt knowing it’d hurt you more than physically!”

Fuck. Fuck. He didn’t want to snap, but he couldn’t get the right words out

“I’m sorry”

“I was worried about you and now you have other friends here to talk to instead”

That’s not what he wanted to say. He wanted to question why there couldn’t have been another way. Lance didn’t need to train with other people when he had him