#this is the most colossally bad idea i have ever seen

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Winter 2023 Anime

Is it just me, or did this season of anime kind of blow? Yes, anything would be a step down after the absurdly stacked Fall 2022 roster- and in fact, two of my favorites this season were continuations of shows I already liked from fall (Blue Lock and MHA)- but man, there was just a stench of failure around so much of Winter 2023′s offerings. Not just in how many of them turned out to be disappointments, but in how many of them didn’t even get to finish in time! Barely a week went by without another show suffering long delays, production after production crumbling under the weight of mismanagement and corporate apathy that doesn’t care how many animators are worked to death for an inferior product as long as they can make some extra cash from rushing it out early. I mercifully managed to avoid all the victims of these delays (well, almost; RIP Kubo-san Won’t Let Me Be Invisible), but even existing in the same space as them felt like it took a toll on everything else. This was a rough one, folks. But there were still some gems worth highlighting, so after spilling my thoughts on Onimai, Trigun Stampede and MHA Season 6, here are my thoughts on the rest of the anime I managed to finish this season!

(Also no Vinland Saga review yet cause I’m waiting for the season to be over, but spoilers, it’s still really fucking good. You’re shocked, I can tell.)

Tokyo Revengers Season 2: 1.5/10

You know what? I give up. I gave Tokyo Revengers every opportunity to finally pull itself together and turn into a good show. But not only did it drop the ball so hard the shockwave registered on the Richter scale, it felt like it was actively going out of its way to suck as hard as it could. Every single plot thread in season 2 is bungled so horrendously, from Takemichi’s increasingly unforgivable stupidity to the insulting cul-de-sac fights that change nothing about the status quo to the truly infuriating mishandling of every female character (Hey, I know, let’s give Yuzuha a panty shot while she’s being beaten by her abusive brother! Great idea!), that there is no possible way this show can ever recover. Even if the next season is somehow a masterpiece that fixes all the series’ issues- which it won’t be, let’s be honest- it won’t change the fact that Tokyo Revengers has established a new low for lazy, intelligence-insulting storytelling in shonen. The only reason it managed to get so popular is that it keeps making you think it’s about to do something really cool and meaningful with its high concept. But at this point, it’s all but proven that it never will. Fuck this show, fuck the manga it’s based on, and fuck everyone who accepts this barely-animated hackjob slop as anything close to acceptable entertainment.

The Fire Hunter: 2/10

Between this and Mars Red, I’m really starting to hate studio Signal MD. They’ve got a habit of turning fascinating highbrow fantasy premises into some of the dullest, sloppiest, most poorly produced pieces of pretentious dogshit that think they’re high art imaginable. And this one’s directed by Mamoru Oshii! He’s supposed to be a veteran director who knows his shit! How did he turn out such a colossal flop? Almost nothing in The Fire Hunter works on an audiovisual level; the animation is embarrassing, the direction is incomprehensible, the editing is somehow even worse (I have never seen such poorly timed painterly insert stills), and the whole thing is smothered under a droning soundtrack that drowns every scene in the same overbearing, tuneless sonic dead air. Even the best script in the world couldn’t survive this cataclysmically bad production, and suffice to say, this is very far from the best script in the world. It’s equal parts mind-numbing exposition, dull narration, and pointlessly mean characters with no interesting internal struggles or worldbuilding to justify the air of arrogance about the whole affair. The Fire Hunter desperately wants to convince you it’s art, but it’s just crap. Skip it.

To Your Eternity Season 2 (2nd Half): 3/10

I’ll give it this: the second half of To Your Eternity’s second season is unquestionably better than its first. Not a very high bar to clear, I realize, but after the utter slog that was Bon’s introductory arc, it’s good to have actually interesting things happen for a change. Unfortunately, for all the fresh air the siege of Renril brings to the proceedings- new characters, new kinds of stakes, a bonkers re-imagining of what Fushi’s powers are even capable of- it’s nowhere near enough to save this show from running itself into the ground. Whatever magic To Your Eternity once had is well and truly gone, buried under a flood of terrible production compromises and questionable story choices that have lead it down a path it can never recover from. No matter how much future arcs might try to turn things around, they’ll never escape the lesson this show has somehow forgotten it used to preach: when something dies, it can never truly return. To Your Eternity is dead. It’s over. Let it rest in piece while it still has some faint shred of dignity left.

Giant Beasts of Ars: 3/10

Did someone open a time portal to 2006? Giant Beasts of Ars feels exactly like the kind of original fantasy anime that studios were pumping out two decades ago- and unfortunately, that’s not a compliment. It gets off to a good start with a strong introductory episode that sets the tone well for a fun magitech adventure with some giant monster fighting, but the second that adventure gets under way, pretty much everything goes to shit. The characters are bland. The world itself is dull and uninspired. The action is lifeless thanks to a weak production that can’t give these fights the oomph they need. And the plot escalates from understandable low-key stakes to some of the most asinine “suddenly we’re fighting god now” swerves I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the way this story loses all sense of scale in its final episodes as it barrels head first toward a climax left me stunned in disbelief. Never mind the fact it ends on an asspull cliffhanger that’s almost certain to never get resolved because nobody’s going to want a second season of something this limp and underbaked. What a waste of time.

Kaina of the Great Snow Sea: 3.5/10

I was really excited at all the fantasy anime coming out this season. After being swamped in the isekai sewers for so long, it was such a relief to see the industry remember they could tell stories about actual fantastical worlds and not just, you know, reskinned Dragon Quest knockoffs. So imagine my how immeasurable my disappointment was when one by one, all these promising series let me down. Kaina’s Naussicaa-inspired world of snow seas, giant spire trees and steampunk skiffs navigating an allegorical prayer for co-existence with nature and rejection of militarism should have been an easy slam dunk, a new Miyazaki for a modern landscape. Unfortunately, as beautifully realized as the world is- Polygon Pictures is no studio Orange, but their impressive background art and environmental storytelling continue to make a strong case for CG anime- the writers forgot to populate that world with anyone worth getting invested in. The characters are the stockiest of stock archetypes, photocopies of photocopies of tropes that have already been worn to the bone by decades of misuse and overuse alike. If you’ve seen even one generic fantasy anime, chances are you’re already sick of these characters, and there’s nothing fresh or particularly meaningful here to make up for the lack of originality. Don’t get me started on how poorly the princess is treated, yegh. Is it too late to unplug the concept of fantasy anime for a few years and hope it recovers some steam before we plug it back in?

High Card: 3.5/10

There is no excuse for High Card being as lame as it ended up. A Kingsmen-style goofy gentleman spy action comedy written by the author of Kakegurui in which secret agents in dapper suits fight with the power of magic transforming playing cards? And the entire world is themed around cards and card games (the country is Fourland, the spy organization is Pinochle with its office on Old Maid street)? This should have been a camp masterpiece every bit as delightfully unhinged as Kakegurui. This should have been the most gloriously Anime Bullshit (affectionate) experience of the year. But instead, it was mostly just Anime Bullshit (derogatory). It takes so little advantage of its concept, wasting episode upon episode on trite plotlines and cliche developments, jumping between so many tones and focuses without ever settling on a single one. I came here to see Twink Bruce Wayne summon bazookas out of thin air with the power of Instant Interdimensional Marketplace, not slog through the umpteenth iteration of “the stoic katana girl needs to open up to her male colleagues” or “tragic little sister with an incurable illness.” The bouncy ED, which sees the main cast all singing together in the car, was the one consistent bright spot, and even that started feeling more and more like an insult as time went on. If only the rest of the show were as loose and freewheeling as those painfully short 90 seconds per episode promised.

Don’t Toy With Me, Nagatoro-San Season 2: 3.5/10

Look, I’m no prude. I’m not above trash. Nagatoro’s first season was far from a masterpiece, but it had enough actual charm and character depth that I didn’t mind coming along for the ride. But the thing about trash is that just like every other show, you still have to do it well. Nagatoro wasn’t ever entertaining because it was a shallow wish-fulfillment rom-com for masochists, it was entertaining because it found something recognizably human in spite of being a shallow wish-fulfillment rom-com for masochists. And sadly, whatever spark made that first season work didn’t survive the transfer to OLM studios. There are fun moments here and there, but the overall package is just too half-hearted to care anymore. Not even the introduction of Nagatoro’s sister keeps the proceedings from feeling increasingly mindless. What’s the point of this show, really? What does it offer that I can’t get better elsewhere? Because if the only appeal is the teasing gimmick, well, Teasing Master Takagi-san is right there, people. You could be watching an actual good show about a girl mercilessly teasing her crush instead of this flavorless assembly-line mushburger of an anime. Just saying.

The Tale of Outcasts: 4.5/10

There’s something strangely endearing about The Tale of Outcasts, despite its many flaws. Does it read like every thirteen-year-old girl’s embarrassing stash of unpublished Ancient Magus Bride fanfiction? Yes, unquestionably. But you know what? There are far worse things to be. Maybe it’s the isekai exhaustion getting to me, but there’s something so refreshing about a cringey wish-fulfillment fantasy adventure populated by stock archetypes and hacky plotting that’s actually, like, wholesome? That feels like it was made out of genuine amateurish love for Victorian splendor mixed with demon furries instead of incel resentment that the world isn’t catering to their every whim? Yeah, it’s still cringe, but it’s charmingly cringe, not revoltingly cringe. I still can’t really recommend it unless you’ve got a real soft spot for deep-voiced daddy beast people who can be your angle or your dveil, but out of all the bad shows I kept up with this season, this was the one where I never minded clicking on that next episode button, and that’s gotta count for something.

Urusei Yatsura (2nd Half): 5.5/10

I think it takes a change in mindset to really appreciate Urusei Yatsura. True to its 70s roots, this is not an anime to watch for a constant sense of forward progression. This is a show to be enjoyed as a reliable weekly comfort, 25 minutes of mayhem every 7 days with a familiar cast of characters bouncing off each other endlessly. If you come in looking for a tightly woven narrative that’s always driving toward a forseeable endpoint like most modern anime confined to single cours runs, you’re likely to be disappointed. But if you let yourself just enjoy the chaos and don’t worry about what might come next, I think you’ll find a lot to like here. If nothing else, I appreciate Studio David sticking to that old-fashioned spirit. But I have to admit, I might’ve preferred a more streamlined adaptation that doesn’t waste a second of runtime. What can I say, I’m used to modern anime pacing. Or maybe I’m just annoyed by yet another instance of a tomboy character who wants to be more feminine. Which, you know, not Ryunosuke’s fault that particular trope has gotten so beaten to death these days, but still. Sometimes making changes for modern times isn’t such a bad thing, you know?

Revenger: 6/10

So y’all hear about this Gen Urobuchi guy? Apparently he was pretty famous back in the day or something, IDK. He’s been plugging away at his goofy Taiwanese puppets show for the past few years and slapped his name on the story concepts of a few high profile projects for extra buzz, but now at last, he’s returned to grace us with a full story and script from his own hands! ...and apparently from 17 years in the past as well, because from what I’ve heard, Urobuchi originally wrote Revenger back in 2006, well before the one-two-three punch of Madoka Magica, Fate/Zero and Psycho-Pass that would make him a household name. And boy does it definitely feel like a trial run of those shows. Not that it’s bad by any means; it’s slickly produced, the cast has good chemistry, and the Booch is clearly having fun coming up with creative ways for evil bastards to be mercilessly slaughtered. But that’s really all it is, with little of the staggering depth and emotional complexity that would later earn him a place among the greats. It’s a first draft of basically all the thematic ideas he’d later perfect: the corruption of systems of power, the failure of blind heroism, the necessity of finding hope even in the darkest corners of the earth. I still recommend it for any fans of creative edgy violence, but don’t come in expecting another Madoka. It’s a bite-sized snack of an Urobuchi show, not the main course. And I’m totally fine with that; it’s entertaining enough on its own modest merits to be worth a look.

Play It Cool, Guys (2nd Half): 6/10

Yeah, I knew this one was gonna grow on me. There’s nothing like a really good low-key deadpan comedy to put me in a good mood at the end of a long day. Really, I think Cool Doji Danshi’s secret weapon is how much it appreciates the mundane awkwardness of everyday life. I have been in many situations much like its titular characters, little moments of confusion where the pieces don’t quite line up how they’re supposed to and before I know it I’m putting my umbrella in the fridge because I momentarily mixed it up with the groceries. And also like its title characters, I’ve learned just how damn important these moments are to my life. None of us are perfect meat machines 100% of the time; in many ways, our clumsiness is what makes us human far more than our accomplishments. And there’s something so wonderfully comforting about watching these boys (and men) come to appreciate their own imperfections much as I’ve done of myself. We need more shows that celebrate that simple silliness as well as this one does. So if you’ve been looking for something to lift your spirits in this increasingly grim world, I cannot recommend this show enough.

Sugar Apple Fairy Tale: 6.5/10

Do my eyes deceive me? A non-isekai, shoujo oriented fantasy that’s all about slavery being a bad thing? Stop the presses, we’re defying all the norms over here! Between this and the new season of Vinland Saga, it feels like we’re finally starting to push back on the noxious floodgates that Shield Hero pried open, and I could not be more thankful for that. Now, is Sugar Apple Fairy Tale a perfect depiction of the dynamics of slavery? Fuck no, it’s a young adult wish-fulfillment romance about a hot sulky fairy boy falling for the woman that was once his owner, this thing’s as problematic as an Antebellum-era Uncle Tom’s Cabin ripoff. But at least it’s actually trying to say something about the effects of dehumanization on a societal scale and how it manifests, and I’d argue it succeeds more often than it trips over itself. Plus, how fucking great is it to have an actual shoujo romance again? Set in a charming fantasy world with some actual originality? Sugar Apple Fairy Tale’s not perfect, but its charms are evident of a trend I hope to see countless other shows follow. The more fantasy anime looks like this instead of The World’s Strongest Necromancer is Reincarnated With a Cheat Skill In Another World Harem (I just made that title up, but admit it, you weren’t sure at first), the better off we’ll all be.

Ippon Again: 6.5/10

We seriously need more good female-centric sports anime. The guys have been dominating the field with their shounens and seinens while the girls are forced to subside on moeblob table scraps more concerned with being cute than actually telling a compelling sports narrative, or else being handed the absolute bottom of the production barrel (cries in Farewell My Dear Cramer). Ippon Again isn’t gonna right the ship all on its own, but it’s a damn good first step. The characters feel like believable teenagers, their judo matches are given genuine weight and strong animation, and while it suffers from some tired sports anime cliches, it always executes them with heart firmly on its sleeve. At its best, it captures the same freewheeling adolescent spirit that defines the likes of A Place Further Than the Universe, and I don’t say that lightly. It’s no masterpiece, but it’s a damn good time with no caveats, and hopefully it’ll only be the first of many great lady-centric sports anime to come.

Tsurune Season 2: 7/10

If you’ve somehow forgotten about the first season of KyoAni’s pretty boys doing archery show Tsurune from back in 2018, well, I don’t blame you. As a testing ground for the studio’s rookie talent to take their first crack at putting their own show together, it was by far the studio’s most workmanlike production, an all-around solid experience but lacking the insane polish and panache that defines the KyoAni brand. But my god, what a difference five years makes. Tsurune’s second season isn’t just a massive upgrade on the production front, it’s a complete overhaul on the show’s entire look and feel. It’s sweeping and elegant, it’s vibrant and explosive, it’s as expertly poised and shimmering as a bowstring drawn at dawn right before it releases a brilliant arrow. This show has gone from KyoAni’s simplest looking show to one of its most richly cinematic, complete with earthier color tones and revamped score from Fruits Basket composer Masaru Yokoyama. Yes, it’s ultimately still just a show about pretty boys learning to shoot bows well as they overcome their issues together. But with such a massive step up in its look and feel, it’s officially become just as much appointment viewing as any KyoAni masterpiece.

Blue Lock (2nd Half): 7.5/10

Now that’s more fucking like it. Last season I bemoaned the lack of edgy death game nonsense I was promised in this edgy death game sports anime, but once we reached the second selection, Blue Lock kicked into high gear and made good on its premise at last. Betrayals! Allies turned enemies! Enemies turned allies! Overcharged homoerotic rivalries and break-ups alike! Overdramatic shonen boys trying to crush each other underfoot to grow stronger! Self-actualization through rejecting the power of friendship and embracing the power of “Fuck this guy!” This is everything I wanted when I first learned about Blue Lock’s premise, twisting the classic shonen sports formula into an equally blood-pumping tale of clashing egos and selfishness as everyone fights to become the best player by embracing their worst selves. It might have taken a hot second to get there, but now that it’s arrived, this show has become some of the most deliriously entertaining chaos you’re likely to find in the genre. Well done, you mad genius.

Buddy Daddies: 8/10

Man, whoever’s making the decisions on what shows PA Works produces is really on a roll lately, huh? It takes a real genius to look at premises like Ya Boi Kongming and Akiba Maid War and see an opportunity to create something truly special. But even that pales in comparison to the brilliance behind Buddy Daddies, a.k.a. “Hey, so this Spy x Family show is about to take over the world, right? What if we made our own version of that, but mix in the homoerotic buddy-cop energy of Tiger and Buddy to make it stand out?” That’s the kind of galaxy-brain thinking that’s rapidly making this studio a personal favorite of mind. And it’s that kind of confidence and pure solid storytelling chops that make Buddy Daddies just as entertaining and endearing as its most obvious inspiration. It’s not exactly the same- it’s set in modern day, it’s more focused on the child-raising than the assassin stuff- but it’s every bit as good at nailing that specific sweet spot of deliciously entertaining spy action, wholesome family hijinks, and the bittersweet space in between trying to reconcile those two worlds. Heck, Miri’s a way more realistic four-year-old than Anya ever was; you can tell the writers really did their research on what it’s like to care for a child that young. The year’s still young, but I think this show is already a strong contender for the feel-good masterpiece of 2023. Just don’t go in expecting the hot guys to kiss, because you will leave disappointed if you do.

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady: 8.5/10

We’ve done it, folks. We’ve finally cracked the code on how to make modern isekai great. Step One: Center it on a female protagonist with an actual personality instead of an empty self-insert male-patterned cooler full of stale oatmeal. Step Two: Make your story all about subverting the exhausting masturbatory self-centeredness of vanilla isekai in favor of a symbolic or literal revolution to give power back to all lovers of fantasy instead of pandering to maladjusted thirty-year-old manchildren. Step Three: As part of that progressive reinvention, make it GAY. AS. FUCK. The Executioner and her Way of Life was a strong step in the right direction, but as good as that show was, there was clearly still room to push things even further. But now, at last, that potential has been fully realized by the stunning tale of a reincarnated princess and a genius young lady coming together to revolutionize the world. Folks, MagiRevo fucking rules. The main leads are wonderful separately and even more wonderful together, the production is strong enough to carry the story’s soaring ambition, and it’s a genuinely powerful exploration of the harms caused by archaic systems of patriarchal power, and how difficult it is- but also how necessary- to change what’s been leading a society down the wrong path for so long. And while it drags a little in the midsection, it all culminates in a spectacular final act and a final episode that had me sobbing in my seat for 25 straight minutes. This isn’t just the best isekai since Re:Zero, this is a triumph of queer fantasy carving its own revolution through a genre that’s desperately needed it for far too long. So come join me and raise your banner with Anis and Euphie, because their journey deserves all the attention we can give. I promise, you won’t regret it.

[whumpinggrounds]

No One To Help You But Yourself

CW: captured, hero whumper, villain whumpee, beating, broken ribs, blood, self done first aid, inaccurate medical treatment (binding said broken ribs)

It’s dark, when the villain comes to, and it smells like earth. It takes time to figure out where they are, and why they’re there, but they have time. They have time to gather themselves, to piece together the broken shards of memory and the ache rooted deep under their scalp.

There was a chase. And then a battle. The villain, low on resources, ran as long as they could, then took a stand.

And, unsurprisingly, they lost.

It had been that big guy, the one built like a brick house. He’d had a slender figure with him, the one that played leader when the two were out together. Together, they’d worked absolutely seamlessly, and even the villain had to admire how perfect they were as a team.

Too bad the big guy was such a colossal asshole.

Well, the villain amends, maybe his friend is an asshole too. After all, they have no memory of who stuck them in this dank basement, head throbbing, whole body composed of aches and bruises. They aren’t bound or gagged, which they suppose is a positive. No one seems to have hurt them while they were unconscious. It’s a privilege that apparently, isn’t always afforded to the kid that was ever-so-recently under their care.

The thought of the kid makes them glower. Suddenly, they’re feeling a lot less amused by the idea that they’ve been captured. Maybe this is a good time for them to seek some information of their own.

As if on cue, there’s a distant banging, growing closer as they listen. The villain remains sprawled on the floor where they must’ve been tossed. They’re not going to waste any energy pretending to be ready to attack or something like that. They’re exhausted and stripped of any usable weapon. They stretch out on the floor and wait for the threat to come to them.

It takes but a moment. Even in the dim, underground half-light, they recognize the gigantic figure of the kid’s mentor. Upon seeing his stony face, the villain finds they can’t resist a stupid joke.

“Oh, finally. Are you here to break me out?”

The hero’s eyes narrow into slits. “Very funny.”

“Mm.” The villain folds their hands behind their head. “You don’t seem amused.”

Their opponent grunts. “Been told I don’t have much of a sense of humor.”

“Well, that’s just too bad. Sense of humor is one of the first things I look for in my companions, personally.”

The big guy scowls. His little half-mask is cute. As if that’s going to keep his identity a secret when he has bright red hair and he’s maybe the tallest man the villain has ever seen. “I’m not your fucking companion.”

“What?” The villain is almost enjoying this now. “What’d you bring me back here for? Now my feelings are hurt.”

Unimpressed, the big guy fixes him with a glare. “You’re here so you can tell me what you did with all that fucking money.” He cracks his knuckles, and each snap echoes like a gunshot. “So, let’s start now.”

“Mm.” The villain nods, thoughtful. “I totally see why you’re interested in the money. I, myself, was pretty interested in the money. It’s why I took it in the first place.”

It’s too bad they’re still wearing their own mask because the hero is missing out on their most winning smile, aimed straight at him. It might do something to improve the absolutely furious expression on his face. Ah, well. They’re opening their mouth to say something else, undeniably clever and charming, but before they can say another word, the hero is cutting them off.

“I don’t want to stand around and listen to you chatter at me. I’m going to start asking questions, and you’re going to answer. Or else.”

The villain considers their options.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a very direct communication style? I’m really appreciating that about you.”

Pain lights up the villain’s side. It explodes out from their ribs, sending the breath from their lungs in a surprised whoosh. It’s been a long time since they’ve had to deal with this kind of specific, directed pain, and they can tell from the strength of the kick that they’re in for a lot worse.

“Wow.” Their voice comes out raspy, strained, but they’re unable to resist the temptation to make a snarky comment. “Anyone ever told you how strong you are?”

*

By the time the hero leaves, there’s something broken in the villain’s lower ribs. Every breath comes with effort, and a stabbing pain, deep in the lungs. They don’t know if the hero leaves because he’s bored, or he has something else to do, but he promises, in that low, furious voice of his, that he’ll be back.

And when he returns, it will be to show the villain what real pain is.

“Oh?” The words come far more labored. They’re sharper than the jokes the villain began with. “Like the kind you put your sidekick through?”

The hero pauses. One hand is on the doorknob already. He shakes his head. “No wonder you two get along. You’re both bleeding fucking hearts.”

The villain’s breathing is too harsh and hard to let them reply before the hero is gone. Not that they have much to say to that asshole, anyway. Just thinking about the kid makes them growl to themselves where they lie, half-sprawled on the floor.

But no one is going to help the kid if they bleed out in some crappy little basement hidey-hole. With a deep breath that sends a zinging twang through their chest, the villain hauls themselves upright. Stars dance in their vision, and bile rises in their throat, but they’re upright. It’s a start. They wait until they no longer feel like they’re going to vomit. Then, slowly, bruises protesting as they do, they peel off their shirt. Another pause, a necessary rest. Then to tear it into strips.

When their shirt is in ribbons, the villain takes their longest pause of all. Fingers clenching and unclenching against their thighs, they take a few deep breaths and gather their strength for what they’re about to have to do.

With fingers that are trembling just slightly, they wrap the first strip of cloth around their chest, hissing through their teeth as the fabric slides and presses against their broken ribs. When the first binding ribbon is in place, they squeeze their eyes shut, and pull hard.

The pain is blinding, breathtaking. The villain bends in half, sucking in harsh, panting breaths of air, fighting the urge to vomit. Their hands shake, but they don’t lose grip. Before they can lose their nerve, they knot the strip of fabric.

There. One tie, done. Only, what, a dozen more before their ribs are properly bound?

Just the thought of it makes an unwilling whimper leak between the villain’s lips. But it’s not like they have a choice. A hero put them here; there’s certainly no one coming to help them. Somewhere out there, that kid is counting on them, even if he doesn’t know it yet. But before they save anyone else, they’re going to have to save themselves.

Gritting their teeth, the villain picks up the next strip of fabric.

@whatwasmyprevioususername, @snowshower, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @whumpywritings, @princess-poopsicle, @junoswhumpdrawer

@whumptober @whumptober-archive

[brick-a-doodle-do]

i've had so much lore related thoughts lately because i was deep into the heart of lore after exile with doomsday (pt2?)

i don't rlly know how to tag this cause i have never posted a long lore post... but uhhhh

cw: gore description/implication. also some talk of insanity/mental illness, idk,,

OKAY so one being god damn, the second doomsday with doomsdaytrio. i hate how little of this plot point i've explored or seen! i've seen a few edits and stuff but...it's so climactic. so much more so than wilbur's. i think both of them had their significances and i adore each of them.

wilbur's situation in pogtopia was just straight up insanity. he was not okay. i have seen a few posts about how daunting wilbur's isolation must've been in pogtopia. because he was rarely on the server, but in canon that was not the case. wilbur, while tommy and techno bonded and tommy felt a hint of freedom, wilbur was down. in a ravine. a dim ravine. and whatever mental illnesses c!wilbur had too,,, damn. it was psychologically more impactful as a plot point than the other one was. wilbur sat in a room, scribling incoherent messes into the walls. there was a god damn chair in that room.

and tommy and techno(?) having to physically restrain him in a stone box at one point because of how gleeful he seemed, how troubled he was.

the damage wilbur caused was not colossal, techno and phil mentioned it was just the foundation for emduo's eventual uprising of l'manburgs destroyal. but, wilbur did show that he was completely lost.

as for doomsdaytrio, they presented l'manburgs downfall with more chaos, more external damage and definitely an overrule on wilbur's part historically. they got to bedrock. it was damage, something that made sure that the nation of l'manburg would not return.

also i'm kind of disappointed i didn't see more of the conversation between tommy and tubbo where tommy realizes who he's turned into; worse than the people he didn't want to be.

i've heard "the discs are worth more than you ever were", of course, but i didn't know the context. and tubbo and tommy straight up fighting physically and verbally at the same time while everyone stood around and above them. it was hard to not be reminded of "it stays in the pit" yk?

i had some idea about tubbo but i completely forget it :(

also the issue with loyalty being a common thread throughout the brief doomsday arc- just ranboo being the most unexpected traitor and tommy & techno's conversation about loyalty- their expectations of loyalty are so different yet it goes to show who they both are. and i feel awful for technoblade in that moment because yes, tommy was wearing his helmet, he'd been granted techno's axe because techno deemed him worthy, something so rare. quackity was wearing techno's armor, the set he got for the people he thought were trying to befriend him. and in the end they just used him. and even tommy ended up doing the very same thing because he realized he was an awful person for caring so much about an inanimate set of objects that he would put his best friend's life, his "sidekick", his tubbo behind a couple of music discs.

and yeah, i see where he's the asshole for saying that, and i do feel bad for him because in the grand scheme of his, just as technoblade had made it clear from the start that he was against the government and had intentions to destroy l'manburg no matter who was on his side, tommy had made it clear he wanted his discs. that is the only thing, to him, that would end the chaos.

but also, he realized he was a bad person for having something that made him a unique person and gave him motivation and he turned into "everyone else" by taking his "friendship" (although their mark on that word had never really been proven nor disproven) and tossing it aside when tommy realized there were other priorities than sticking beside a person who also had intentions.

technoblade is not a bad person for wanting to end the government or destroy l'manburg. frankly l'manburg--the government--was everything that made the dream smp chaotic. and while chaos kept the server alive and well and helped shape relationships, realistically it destroyed the good dream smp.

and tommy thinking that because he cares about something, and when he wasn't thinking said he cared about that something more than his best friend.

and then there's tubbo, who was trying. he was trying so hard to be a better person. he pointed out history repeating itself and the people around him did nothing, they reassured him, telling him that tubbo's guidance would have history be rewritten. they were foolish to say that because how many times has that ever worked? how many times have people rewritten history with a new era of peace? it's a new era of violence and a new era from a mistake. the peace only comes after the storm, and tubbo was right to question it.

the festival was a terrible idea. and technoblade standing over tubbo, tubbo who was in the pit of his late nation, with a crossbow pointing a firework at him, technoblade standing over him saying "look at your nation fall" as the firework is shot. poor fucking tubbo.

quackity too. quackity i think has the best intentions at heart, and he's showing it through other people. quackity is under tubbo's wing, always. he is supportive. he tells tubbo to not let people walk over him and to make sure he make the decisions he needs for the nation's best interest. in a way, going off of later quackity where he's built las nevadas, i think that quackity was trying to let tubbo be the person quackity wanted to be. quackity wanted to be the president, but he got overruled. shoved to the side by schlatt. i think at that point, it was the start of a journey for quackity. because once tubbo took over and quackity got a new ruler to be under, tubbo was so easy to influence, it was easy to turn him into what quackity could've been.

quackity also had the best advice of people on the server. there was phil and others too, but quackity applied his life and his trauma to other people. he never used his advice on himself, and i think that holds up my idea with quackity turning tubbo into what he wanted to be at the core, because if quackity never applied anything he told other people to himself, but his advice came from his own personal and traumatic affairs, then it had to go somewhere, and it was quackity preventing it from happening. he taught charlie everything he knew after schlatt failed, after tubbo failed, after everyone failed. he gave good, long-term, healthy tips. and he died because he didn't use it on himself.

speaking of tubbo not letting people walk all over him, i love the idea of buffbo being born from that, just his realization that people don't respect him causing him to become something that can be respected. be intimidating. and while mentally he wasn't there, i love the thought of him sitting and becoming so strong just because of quackity's advice.

and while i'm at it, i've mentioned it before but i also love the idea of wilbur, in pogtopia, being so wracked with the stress of trying to keep his temptation to press the button, attempted to cut his hands off. the idea of wilbur suggesting the idea to someone else, them seeing the flaw in it but not him.

and in exile (i am going all over the place so sorry) tommy was mining a lot while he was on the track to thriving again, and at one point he found diamonds and mentioned that they were blue, like how his eyes used to be. so just...imagine tommy, after the isolation starts to really get to him, he looks in the water one day and just shoves a diamond in his eye.

[thejaymo]

Digital Narration from Apple Books

Apple just launched digital narration service using voice synthesis!

From the Forbes article:

The initial target: long-tail books that will never be worth paying a human narrator for.

“More and more book lovers are listening to audiobooks, yet only a fraction of books are converted to audio — leaving millions of titles unheard,” Apple says. “Many authors — especially independent authors and those associated with small publishers — aren’t able to create audiobooks due to the cost and complexity of production.”

Apple is releasing four voices to start, two female and two male. Voices are optimized for specific genres of books, so Jackson is intended for fiction or romance with a deep, somewhat husky voice, while Helen is a soprano designed for nonfiction and self-development.

If you click though to the Apple authors announcement you can hear samples of the 4 voices. They are in my opinion, extremely listenable.

Understandably, I've seen a lot of people railing against the move. People worried about putting voice actors / narrators out of work. Other commentators question listener fatigue and the sort of attention level that can be given to an AI generated voice over a long period. But also, good for small authors, the cost of producing and audio book (even if you do it yourself) is colossal. I think AI voiced long tail / self published books will be really popular.

I know people (Ross I'm looking at you) who use over cranked TTS voiceover voices to read PDFs and other non fiction to them in the car when they are driving around, this voices are much more natural and will be popular if *built in* to devices int he near future.

Growing up in the 90's AI / Computers speaking were supposed to sound like HAL, Marvin the Robot or Stephen Hawking.

Instead we got the the TikTok lady. Which had its own crazy 'ethics in AI model creation' story a few years ago.

I was thinking recently that the TikTok lady has - at this point - got to be the most famous voice in the western world? An order of magnitude more famous than any living person surely?

Also I'm still laughing about the 'Boiling my husband alive in oil 🥰' post I reblogged yesterday.

Anyways, I built my own voice model last year using the 10's of hours of podcast's I've recorded. I've been sneakily using it for replacement here and there in my new interview show. Unless you looked at my working files, no one will ever ever know. I wonder how many professional voice actors who narrate for a living also have their own custom models too?

Whats interesting to me about Apple's move is the 4 voices optimised for different kinds of genre out the gate?

The chirpy upward inflection of the TikTok lady voice is optimised to deliver meaning as clearly as possible inside the typographic container of TikTok's media environment.

Audiobook producers of course have been making casting decisions for years around content and narrator but it seems significant to me that right out the gate there are certain kinds of voices best suited for certain kinds of content?

Theres a big difference of course between hearing and listening (cf Pauline Oliveros, R. Murray Schafer, Deep Listening etc).

Comprehension is always an active process. The philosopher Mortimer J. Adler talks about how teaching and learning are a reciprocal process

“Just as teaching will not avail unless there is a reciprocal activity of being taught, so no author, regardless of his skill in writing, can achieve communication without a reciprocal skill on the part of readers.”

The same is also true of effective storytelling. There is the teller of stories and the person being told.

I want AI voice Narration to be turned up to 11 - tomorrow. The optimisation of Human-Like voices to deliver meaning I'm convinced could be pushed a lot further.

Why not create a Human-Like voice that is optimised to deliver meaning at 2/3x speeds?

What does a synthesised voice that reaches 'I know kung-fu' levels of comprehension to a willing and active listener even sound like?

At that level of speed and active comprehension do we need to tweak for realism or optimise for something else?

[togglesbloggle]

On Soldiers

You don’t hear “politics is the mind killer” as a refrain quite so often these days, and there‘s been some great analysis about the (real) weaknesses of that particular maxim.  But I do think that it was and is an important part of the ratspace secret sauce.  As time goes on, I’m getting more and more used to seeing people sort of… drop off, in a particular way.  They stop being as interesting, stop thinking as clearly, express more anger and less curiosity.  I’ve been half-jokingly calling it ‘Twitter poisoning,’ although that‘s way too narrow a diagnosis.  But its (relative) absence in these parts is more precious to me now than ever.

If we have half-retired “politics is the mind killer,” one thing I’ll try to keep in my own head is a related (if a bit softer) warning along the lines of: ”you can’t think about your enemies too often without becoming a warrior.”  Causal, not just tautological.  And when warriors fight nations, they become something else.  When our enemies are classes, demographics, or political parties, we’re not just warriors any more- we’re soldiers.

The particular failure mode I see doesn’t come from proposing solutions to political problems, thinking hard about political systems, or even arguing for partisan ideas as such.  It‘s that pivot where it stops being about the ideas, stops being about the goals, and where the most real thing about the struggle is the people you’re doing it against.  You know what I mean, I think- we’ve all seen those particular political spaces where every third post or comment is about Them.  What fraction of us, when we read about some human rights violation or tragedy, immediately ask ourselves whether it will give us rhetorical power over our enemies, or vice versa?

That’s wartime thinking, straight up.  Making war is not an absolute moral failure, mind you.  Sometimes politics really is an existential, overriding concern, and sometimes the tragic existence of soldiers is justified.  But it doesn’t stop being tragedy.  Even when combat is mostly nonlethal, it still represents a colossal loss of intelligence and effort to zero-sum contests.  And one of the quintessential things about warriors is, they tend to start wars.

That’s the thing, right?  The fundamental, game-theoretical, catch-22 fuck of it all.  The reason to have soldiers is because They have soldiers, and might start a war.  And if They don’t have soldiers, then by gum we should get some and tell ‘em to start a war on our terms because we’ll definitely win it.  That’s the cold reality of what happens as your enemies become more and more salient: conflict becomes your reality, and you will become a part of the ritual that summons that conflict.  The strife you embody will have many uses for your human intelligence- it’ll reward cleverness, maybe even artistry of a sort.  But it will not be generative; it will take much from us, and give nothing.

The soldier’s counter-argument is: but they have soldiers.  And the soldier’s argument is correct.  But the soldier’s argument doesn’t tell you how to feel about that double-bind.  And what I say to the soldier's argument is: okay, but we need to cultivate a hatred for war.  Actually, really, hate it.  Not ostentatiously, but in our bones.  Not the way we hate email, but the way we hate death.  Let it be vile, disgusting, small.  And even more so, if you yourself are a warrior.

This is not a call for centrism.  I am an extremist in some ways, in step with the partisan conflicts of my times in some ways, grossly out of step with them in others.  Transhumanism is a hell of a drug, politically speaking.  It is, sort of, an argument for liberalism and maybe federalism, since those things have a way of making politics less existential, more often.  But mostly I think it’s an argument in favor of the things that liberalism and federalism make possible- the opportunity to let your philosophy become your way of living, and to let the consequences of that life demonstrate, without coercion, the virtues of your philosophy.

The social media age has been so bad for us on this count, turning so many of us into warriors and soldiers.  But it’s phenomenally good for this other thing, too.  “Here’s what it means to be me, here’s the life I’ve built and the joys I’ve found.”  That’s at the core of what we’re all doing here, online.  And at this point I would say it goes beyond personal satisfaction.  There’s an argument that it’s valuable in the larger sum, even morally compelling.  Everyone I’ve ever met has something to show off, something to brag about- some little corner of the world they’ve cultivated and made beautiful.  And so at least in your own little garden, you’ve got this excellent chance to replace the scorched-earth conflict with a bazaar of strange, wonderful, interesting lives.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Wen Ruohan/Wei Wuxian?🍉

Forked Path - ao3

“You did me a favor, and I intend to repay that,” Wen Ruohan said, adjusting one of his gauntlets in irritation – more at the fact that he was sinking back into that old nervous tic, a tell that he’d thought he’d eliminated years ago than at the actual request, ridiculous as it was. “But to confirm, you’re certain that this is what you want? It’s not in my nature to stop midway, so if you have any hesitations, exercise them now or not at all.”

The two rogue cultivators looked at each other and after a few moments of clear silent communication and struggle, they looked back at him and nodded. The man did so reluctantly - Wen Ruohan looked at his wife, the immortal mountain’s disciple, and her nod was far more firm.

“Very well,” he said, lips twisting in distaste. He hated owing people favors, especially when they rejected his preferred counter-offer to graciously allow them to work for his sect, but he wasn’t yet so ungracious that he wouldn’t live up to something he had to do. “We are therefore agreed: in the event both of you die prematurely, I will take your son into my sect to be raised therein, rather than allow him to be raised alone outside or in the Jiang sect."

He paused, frowning. "To be clear, however, I am not going to raise him myself! He’ll be brought up among one of the branch families.”

Dafan Wen had some kids around the same age, didn’t they? That was pretty out of the way. With luck, he could avoid having to see the brat at all…and that was all assuming that these two died, of course. Still, based on their level of certainty and the association of the immortal mountain with divination, Wen Ruohan was going to assume a worst-case scenario was likely to occur.

“That’s fine,” the man said, his voice oddly sarcastic. “We don’t expect you to do more for us than you do for your own children.”

That pricked at Wen Ruohan’s pride, since he didn’t have a conscience to be affected.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked with a frown. He had two sons of his own, and they were being raised perfectly well by his wives, as far as he knew. It wasn’t really his concern until they were old enough to actually start getting started in cultivation, swordsmanship, or even the scholarly arts, at which point he would naturally take over their education with the assistance of many able tutors – he was far too busy to waste time with them, squalling brats that they undoubtedly were, until then.

“Nothing,” the woman said, and she looked amused – he almost suspected she was amused at his expense. “After all, with hard work, even the sharpest sword can be ground down into a needle.”

That wasn’t how that idiom went at all, but Wen Ruohan was too lazy to correct her.

Later, though, after they’d left, her words kept pricking at him in the same matter as idiomatic needle – it occurred to him that he didn’t much like his wives, even though the connections they’d brought to his sect were exceedingly beneficial. It was said that where there was a father, there was a son, the two invariably resembling each other, and he’d assumed that that would be the case here…but on the other hand, if he left all the initial raising of his sons to those wives he didn’t like, wasn’t he risking them raising the children to be just like theminstead of him? Grinding down his sons’ edges, so to speak?

That would be utterly unacceptable.

He was so busy, though. Beyond his own cultivation, his sect now controlled over a third of the cultivation world, and he was ambitious to raise that to half, and then perhaps even further. How could he waste time on something as pointless as taking care of small children?

On the other hand, he supposed that in the long run he’d actually be saving time if he at least made sure they were raised up right. After all, he’d always assumed that his two sons would be his right and left hands, his able aides capable of enacting his will, and obviously it would be a disaster to find out later on that they’d been spoiled rotten or rendered stupid....

No, he was sure his arrangement was fine. How much damage could his wives do in just a few years?

…perhaps it wouldn’t be that bad an idea to check in on them.

Just to make sure.

He definitely wasn’t going to raise that stupid Wei boy, though. Favors had limits!

-

“Your accomplishments do you credit,” Wen Ruohan said to Wen Qing, and even meant it the way he didn’t mean most of the things he was forced to say at these stupid discussion conferences.

After all, Wen Qing was of his bloodline, if distantly – Dafan Wen was a branch family – but at any rate, they shared a surname, and it was sheer pleasure watching her put all those other ‘promising’ young masters in their place. Anything that added a sheen of glory to his sect was a good thing.

She saluted deeply, trying to hide the way she was beaming, and Wen Ruohan wondered once again if it was time to bring her back to the Nightless City as his ward instead of leaving her out in the wilderness with the rest of Dafan Wen. To get the sort of medical skills she had at her age showed promise and talent, and he needed people of promise and talent, especially ones with his surname, if he were going to make good on his intention to conquer the cultivation world.

He would’ve brought her back years ago, in fact, except that Sect Leader Nie said that children were fidgety, flighty creatures that were bad at dealing with change and that he’d be better off sending medical texts and tutors to Dafan Wen rather than bring Wen Qing back to the Nightless City over her father’s protests. Normally, Wen Ruohan would have disregarded advice he didn’t like and proceed with his own intentions regardless, but Sect Leader Nie had been helping him deal with his own sons ever since he’d reclaimed them from his wives, who he’d discovered had been ruining them, and it seemed unwise to dispute with him regarding matters of child-rearing at that point. After all, if he wanted Wen Xu to end up as even half the son that it looked like that Nie Mingjue was going to be, he needed the man’s expertise, and that meant making compromises, irritating as it was.

Compromises like not just killing Wen Qing’s father for refusing to hand over his children, despite it being easier to accomplish. Or not killing Sect Leader Nie himself, no matter how irritating the man was, because now his sons loved that old bastard.

(Wen Ruohan had spitefully decided to get back at Sect Leader Nie by spoiling his youngest son, who seemed at first glance to be more like the lazy scholarly type, beyond belief. It seemed to be working very well so far, including in causing Sect Leader Nie no end of frustration at his extremely clever-when-it-came-to-evading-work second son; Wen Ruohan, satisfied, viewed this result as being wholly due to his own efforts.)

“How did you find that talisman you mentioned in your last paper?” he asked Wen Qing lazily. “I hadn’t seen it before. Was it in one of the books I sent, or somewhere else?”

In truth, that had been the most interesting aspect of the presentation from his perspective – he didn’t have either talent or interest in medical cultivation, but he could recognize firepower when he saw it. Just because the talisman worked on disrupting things at a very small level for medical reasons didn’t mean it couldn’t be repurposed for larger things…

“Oh, no, Wei Wuxian invented it,” Wen Qing said. “He used it to blow stuff up until I convinced him to make a smaller version for me.”

“Wei Wuxian?” Wen Ruohan asked, frowning, and then recalled – ah, yes, the Wei boy. His parents had died some five or eight years back, if he recalled correctly, and he’d had to go fetch him pursuant to that old agreement; it had been extremely annoying at the time. He’d been in the middle of a very nasty argument with Sect Leader Nie at the time, the one that had led him to think his most serious thoughts to date of eliminating the man entirely, and then, just as he’d been on the cusp of making a decision, he’d received word of the deaths of Cangse Sanren and her husband Wei Changze.

Naturally, he needed to find and recover their son as he’d promised long ago, which given how unreliable reports of the location of rogue cultivators was naturally became a colossal waste of time, but on the bright side it had at least given him a chance to vent his spleen and get out some of his rage on something other than wringing Sect Leader Nie’s neck. It turned out that Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze had died in some obscure night hunt in Yiling, but figuring that out had all but taken a full-scale canvass of six different territories – and then Sect Leader Jiang, who hadn’t bothered to do anything near the same level of search and had opted to search the various towns individually on his own, as if that would ever work, had tried to leapfrog off the back of his hard work, thinking he could just thank him and take the boy away just like that.

Wen Ruohan had refused, of course – he had the parents’ personal request, and that outweighed Wei Changze having been a former servant of the Jiang sect or Cangse Sanren being possibly a former lover of their sect leader – and it had turned into something of a political mess for a while.

That had been where he’d gotten most of the venting out, actually.

Sect Leader Nie had sided with him in that fight, though, rather viciously, and by the end of it all Wen Ruohan was reminded of why exactly it was that the man was a useful ally to have around. He’d also forgotten what exactly they’d been fighting about, but he wasn’t going to admit that, so he just magnanimously forgave him. It had all turned out rather all right, and Wen Ruohan had put the boy out of his mind shortly thereafter.

Why would he come up now, all of a sudden?

No, wait, he’d sent him to Dafan Wen, just as he’d planned. And of course Wen Qing was from the main branch of Dafan Wen as well – she would’ve been raised with Wei Wuxian as a little brother.

“How is he doing?” he asked, more out of etiquette than actual interest, but Wen Qing lit up and started talking about how her little shidi was a verifiable genius, and so good with her actual younger brother, and whatnot. Wen Ruohan nodded, pretending he was listening, and cast his eyes around the rest of the discussion conference, looking for a distraction – there was Sect Leader Nie, who was generally good for a laugh, but he was scolding that second son of his for failing one of Lan Qiren’s classes and having to be sent a second time over. Jiang Fengmian was comforting him, telling him that he was sending his son as well this year, and of course Jin Guangshan’s heir was of age as well, and would undoubtedly be going, too…

Hmm.

“If he’s such a genius, he should interact more with his peers,” Wen Ruohan announced. “I’ll recommend him – and that brother of yours, I suppose – for the lecture series at the Cloud Recesses this summer.”

It wouldn’t do to be left, after all.

“You…you will? Really? That’s wonderful! Thank you for the opportunity, Sect Leader Wen! They’ll treasure it! How can we ever repay your kindness –”

“As long as they impress me with their talents,” Wen Ruohan said, already imagining Jiang Fengmian’s constipated expression at seeing his lover’s son that was stolen from his grasp wearing Wen sect colors and, in an ideal world, smearing his own son into the ground with his superlative skill. “That will be repayment enough.”

-

“You need to get laid,” Sect Leader Nie said, and Wen Ruohan was reminded again of why he despised the man and should have killed him years ago. Why hadn’t he done that again? “As a matter of cultivation.”

“You’re joking,” Wen Ruohan said, putting down his bowl of wine and staring at him in disbelief. He hadn’t expected the man to actually be serious. It was rare enough an event, but in fairness to him, he never joked about matters of cultivation. “How does one help the other?”

“It’ll help balance you out.” Sect Leader Nie thought about it. “Or at least let you get out some of that nervous energy that makes you a paranoid megalomaniacal little bitch about eighty percent of the time.”

That sounded a bit more in character.

“If dual cultivation could fix personality problems, Lao Nie, you’d be immortal.”

“Who says I’m not?” Sect Leader Nie asked, teeth bared in a smile. “Only time will tell. Haven’t I already outlived my father?”

Wen Ruohan rolled his eyes. Sect Leader Nie had outlived his father because when he’d started in on a qi deviation like every other member of his blasted family, he, Wen Ruohan, had personally dived into the irritating bastard’s spiritual consciousness and dragged him back out again. It was very much not something that people were supposed to do, being more likely to cause qi deviations in the person doing the rescuing than resulting in an actual rescue, but he’d never cared what people were supposed to do and, really, it would be extremely annoying to have to do without him now that he’d invested all that time and effort and figured out how to get some real use out of him. Anyway, they both seemed to be fine and possibly they were also soul-bonded now - he wasn’t actually sure, Wen Qing always got a weird expression on her face whenever she talked about it, and he usually stopped listening at that point.

He didn’t really care. As long as it didn’t interfere with his plans, what did it mtter?

“Who exactly am I supposed to be dual cultivating with, exactly?” he asked dryly, deciding to address the matter head-on because that was the only way Sect Leader Nie understood things. “Don’t volunteer yourself again. I already told you that I refuse to indulge your ridiculous kink for dangerous people.”

Anymore, anyway.

Sect Leader Nie made a face at him, but Wen Ruohan ignored him. He might’ve fallen for that before the whole spiritual consciousness-soulbond business, but now he knew for sure that it was a kink, so – no.

Nothappening.

“You have a kink for things that increase your power, I don’t know why you’re being so judgy about my kink,” the other man grumbled. “And I don’t know, find someone – not another wife, you hate your wives, and anyway they’re much happier with their other lovers.”

“I didn’t pick them because I liked them,” Wen Ruohan pointed out. “I picked them because I wanted to absorb their sects and all the aligned sects associated with them. Which I did.”

“See, this is your problem! You married for power, rather than power, if you get my meaning –”

This was true. If any of his wives could cultivate worth a damn, maybe he’d care more about them. As it was, getting a son on each of them had been an exercise in willpower.

“ – and now you’re too busy pursuing power to fuck anyone else. You really need to get it out of your system. Find someone who can kill you.”

“No one can kill me,” Wen Ruohan said. “I’m the closest thing the cultivation world has to a god. Everyone should bow down and worship me.”

Sect Leader Nie started muttering something about megalomania again, but Wen Ruohan ignored him. It wasn’t a qi deviation talking if it was true.

“I bet we could find someone who could kill you if we tried,” Sect Leader Nie finally said. “And if they’re powerful enough to kill you, they’re probably powerful enough for the dual cultivation to improve your own cultivation, which is all you care about…we should start a war, maybe.”

“A war? Against who? And why?”

Sect Leader Nie frowned thoughtfully, stroking his chin. “The Jin sect?” he suggested, probably because he’d never liked Jin Guangshan. “Or the Jiang sect? Or both, I guess, since they’re allied. They’re next on your take-over list, aren’t they?”

“You’re next on my take-over list,” Wen Ruohan said threateningly, except Sect Leader Nie only laughed at him. Which was fair, he supposed, that whole soul-bond thing made the whole conquering business somewhat unnecessary – Qishan Wen and Qinghe Nie were bound together now as thoroughly as if he’d married the man.

Which he hadn’t. And wouldn’t. No matter what stupid snarky comments Sect Leader Nie said about Wen Ruohan treating him as a de facto consort on account of not having devouring his sect whole.

(Which he wasn’t going to do either - his sons still loved the man, and by now they were as thick as thieves with the Nie boys. What was he supposed to do, disappoint them? It’d be the same as disappointing himself, and he wasn’t about to do that.)

“I suppose we could start a war against the Jin and Jiang,” he allowed. His plan had always called for battle eventually, since he knew there was a limit to how many sects he could absorb through political, marital, economic or other means. As long as the other Great Sects stood against him, he’d never be able to achieve total domination – plus, he’d have to continue to suffer through those awful discussion conferences with the boring lectures and the petty politics of it all. Why couldn’t they see that they’d allbe better off under his dominion? “I could send Wen Zhuliu –“

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s not how you fight wars honorably, and also because I hate that man’s guts. I can’t believe you gave him your surname.”

Wen Ruohan rolled his eyes yet again. Such petty concerns were beneath him. “If we launch a surprise attack using him assassinate the Jiang sect leaders, thereby bringing down the Lotus Pier, the war will be over sooner,” he pointed out.

“Makes it harder to assimilate them into the Wen sect afterwards, though,” Sect Leader Nie pointed out, and damnit, he had a point. “Not to mention you’re going to want some experienced people policing your waterways when you finally take over…”

Damnit.

“Fine,” Wen Ruohan said. “We’ll declare war the old-fashioned way. Maybe we’ll find someone on the opposite side that can impress me, and then I’ll marry her – or him – and be done with the whole business. Happy now?”

Sect Leader Nie made a maybe-so gesture with his hand. “Anyone who can match you in power can probably kill me,” he said regretfully. “Would you consider sharing –“

“Paws off my hypothetical future consort, you beast. Anyway, aren’t you already pursuing Lan Qiren because he nearly slit your throat with a guqin string once?”

“A man can look!”

-

“Say,” Sect Leader Nie said, staring at the army of fierce corpses currently shambling along to the tune of Wei Wuxian’s flute, advancing inexorably towards their enemies – an entirely new cultivation style that the boy had recently invented. In an effort to impress his benefactor Wen Ruohan, apparently. “Are you sure about the no sharing rule?”

Wen Ruohan stared at the grown man perched on a tree like a demon, wrapped in shadow and crackling with power, eyes glowing as red as the sun-patterns on his clothing, who seemed to want nothing more from the world than to serve it up to Wen Ruohan on a platter.

“Yes,” he said, voice only a little strangled. Maybe Sect Leader Nie had a point about power being a kink for him. “I’m very sure.”

[stillness-in-green]

No, Re-Destro Is Not Destro’s Literal Son

and

Yes, I Will Die On This Hill

I have a number of small, persistent quibbles with some of the widespread misapprehensions I see included in BNHA fanfic, quoted as fact in meta posts, even cited on the wiki. Quirk cancellation restraints, what the 20% quirklessness data point means in practice, when Kurogiri comes into existence relative to the time of the Shimura Family Massacre, things like that. My biggest one, though, is as the title suggests: the idea that Yotsubashi Rikiya is Yotsubashi Chikara’s son.

I don’t entirely know where this confusion comes from. As far as I can tell, the early scanlations didn’t get it wrong—one rendered the line in Chapter 218 about Destro having a child he didn’t know about as being children, plural, but otherwise, they were all accurate enough. It seems people just assumed that the child mentioned in 218 must be Re-Destro, who was, after all, right there on the panel. Even though the scanlations never said it, even though the official translation never said it, even though ample evidence in the manga disproves it, the idea still got around that Rikiya is Chikara’s son.

I have and will maintain that this is obviously wrong if you stop to think about it for even a moment, but unfortunately, most people don’t. The error can be found on less well-tended parts of the fandom wiki[1]; it’s in tumblr meta posts about the villains; it’s in fanfic.

And now, god help me, it is on the official anime website, too.

“Stillness-in-green, maybe you should consider that you might just be wro—”

I will face BONES and walk backwards into hell.

But if you want, you can come with me, and I’ll explain on the way. Hit the jump.

Dialogue + Narration

There are two places where the relationship between Chikara and Rikiya is explicitly addressed—the lead-in to the dinner scene in Chapter 218 and the fight between Clone!Shigaraki and RD in Chapter 232. If you include the Ultra Analysis databook, the number goes up to four: once each in Re-Destro and Destro Classic’s character blurbs.

Let’s take a look at each of those places, shall we?

The relevant Japanese text here is in the first narration box: 子ども, kodomo.

Kodomo is not gendered. It literally just means child. The key kanji is 子, ko. Like most kanji, it has a lot of potential readings, and you can add other kanji to it to modify it. Add 息 and you get musuko, son. Pronounce 子 as shi instead of ko, and you get a term that is frequently, though not exclusively, used to refer to boys. Add 女 to that reading and you get joshi, woman/girl. 子 is in a lot of words, many of them gendered! Used for kodomo as Hori does here, though, it does nothing to indicate a gender one way or the other.

Also too, it does nothing to indicate that Rikiya is the child in question; it simply states that there was such a child, somewhere in the world. Now, the natural assumption for anyone who knows how the graphic novel medium works and who understands basic literary analysis would be that the significant character we just met is, in fact, the child in question—except that everything else we learn about Destro and the original Meta Liberation Army here makes it entirely impossible.

I’ll do a full breakdown on why that is in the next section. In the meantime, here’s the next reference:

Here, we’re looking at the phrase the Viz translation renders as, “His blood runs through these veins.” The literal Japanese there is, Desutoro no matsuei chi o tsugu mono! In a literal translation, chi o tsugu mono means, “one who inherits the blood,” or, more loosely, “blood successor.” It’s matsuei—末裔—that’s the key word here.

Japanese has several words to express the concept of “descendant.” Matsuei is one word; the data book uses shison. So what’s the difference? Well, I’ll talk about shison in a moment, but I had an inkling of it just from looking at the kanji in matsuei—“end” and “descendant” respectively, leaving me with an impression of something like a final descendant or the terminus of the bloodline. Further research confirmed it: shison can refer to any lineal blood tie, but matsuei refers to a bloodline’s final inheritor, the person at the end of a long line of many, or even countless, generations. It’s the difference between being able to point to a grandparent and the kind of painstaking genealogical research that lets you[2] point to a famous royal from eight hundred years ago—matsuei is a word that very much assumes the existence of those countless generations.

So not only does Rikiya’s line there not imply that he’s Chikara’s son, but his specific word choice also tells us that he cannot be Chikara’s son. That’s, uh. Pretty conclusive, I would say.

Lastly, though, there’s also the data book. This is, perhaps, the actual closest you’re going to get to a manga equivalent of those character blurbs on the anime website, at least until such time as Hori deigns to give the MLA types character profile pages. (I live ever in hope.)

There are two relevant bits of text, one in Re-Destro’s entry, and the other in Destro Classic’s. The first describes how Re-Destro organizes the MLA as Desutoro no chi o tsugu mono: the same phrase he uses for himself in the manga, minus the matsuei. @codenamesazanka (the one who told me about the databook references among other citations, bless) rendered it as “Destro’s blood successor”; I have also seen it given as “the successor of Destro’s bloodline.” Note again, the lack of reference to a father/son bond.

Chikara’s entry uses that other descendant word I mentioned before, 子孫, shison. Notice that the term uses that ko kanji from kodomo before? As it does in joshi, 子 here reads shi. The other kanji, 孫, means grandchild. Thus, literally, grandchild-child—or, in the vernacular, simply descendant.

And then we have the anime website.

So, for comparison’s sake, the anime website uses 息子—the same combination of kanji that I said earlier gives you musuko, son. Heck, it even uses 父, chichi, for Destro—father. It’s as explicit as it’s possible to be, and I just don’t know why or how the anime website could fuck that up so bad when absolutely nothing in the manga describes the two Yotsubashis that way, and, indeed, one specific word choice actually rules out the possibility.

So, that’s all the manga says directly. It’s not the only evidence there is, though. In fact, the next piece makes it even more clear how colossally and impossibly wrong a father/son connection for Destro and his modern successor is.

Timeline

The long and short of this section is, “Since Harima Oji was Sako Atsuhiro’s great-great-grandfather, there is no possible way that Destro—who pre-dated Harima—can be Re-Destro’s father.” If you read that sentence and nodded your complete understanding and agreement, feel free to skip ahead to the last section. If you’d like the full explanation it takes to reach that sentence’s conclusion, though, read on.

So, aside from the word matsuei, the timeline is the most telling piece of evidence to my eye. I address it secondly rather than firstly because it’s less direct than the explicit narration; it relies on drawing conclusions based on things we’ve been told elsewhere rather than on the immediately relevant text. Oh, Mr. Compress’s relationship to Harima is explicit enough, but on what am I basing my claim that Destro predates him?

Regarding that, there’s no explicit year relative to My Hero Academia’s current events given for when Destro and the original Meta Liberation Army were active; the same is true for Harima Oji’s escapades. However, we are given some broad-strokes information, relative not to current events, but rather to the history of heroism as a legal institution in Japan.

We know that there was a widespread, lengthy period of chaos following the rise of quirks—called meta-abilities in those early years. At some point, however, people began to search for a way for meta-humans to live in peace with non-metas. The compromise that was reached was the foundation of professional heroism in Japan—while the use of meta-abilities would be legal in private settings, it was only by becoming licensed by the state as “heroes” that people could use their quirks in public.[3]

The legislation curtailing the use of meta-abilities—and the appropriation of a dead woman’s language to popularize a law establishing exactly the opposite of what she used that language to call for—is what catalyzed the rise of the original MLA. Thus, we can position Destro as being alive and active around the same time that heroism as a legal institution was being formed. Since we further know that he committed suicide in prison, we can assume that his child was conceived at some point prior to his capture. Ergo, Destro’s child, were they alive today, would be as old as Japanese professional heroism itself.

Next, consider Harima Oji, the Peerless Thief, a criminal who targeted the riches of “sham heroes.” We’re specifically told that he was active in the days in which the current system was settling into place—e.g. he only became active once the Hero System was established enough to have produced corrupt heroes. We’re told he preached reformation—he wasn’t just some pre-existing criminal who saw a shiny new target in heroes; he had specific grievances which he wanted addressed by the system, and which the system was not addressing.

The earliest Harima could possibly be active, then, is concurrent with Destro—Harima fighting against the corrupt people who had found their way into the new heroic institution, and Destro fighting against using the institution of heroism to oppress non-heroes. What I think is more likely, though, is that Harima came after Destro—Harima needed to have had time to realize what kinds of fakes had been drawn to this shiny new career path, maybe even to spend some time trying to change things the legal way.

I don’t suspect they were separated by very long—I would imagine Destro was easily within Harima’s living memory, and might well have influenced why he chose the path of protest that he did—but I do think they were separate.

Moving forward, then, Mr. Compress is four generations distant from his famous ancestor. Thus, even if you assume that Harima is of the same generation as Chikara, that’s what you’re looking at for Chikara’s child: someone who, were they alive today, would be old enough to be the great-grandparent of a thirty-two-year-old man.

Re-Destro’s probably a few years older than Mr. C, sure,[4] but that man doesn’t have Ujiko’s slow-aging quirk. Unless you want to start pulling theories about cryogenic stasis the story for some reason never saw fit to mention out of thin air, Re-Destro is in no way old enough to fit the bill.

This is backed up by one other piece of the timeline as well, and one more place we can look at language:

The small child at the center of the image is Rikiya, so young that he’s in schoolboy shorts for a meeting otherwise so formal that he’s been made to wear a tie. He’s, what, six to nine here, tops? And the adults speaking to him say that they’ve been in hiding for generations—代々, daidai, the kanji for generation followed by a kanji that just means, “See that kanji written right before me? Yeah, just read that one again.”

The original MLA was active for only a handful of years, and, per Chapter 218, they didn’t dissolve until Destro was captured. Thus, we can assume they have been in hiding since then, but not before then. With that in mind, this is another line that renders a father/son relationship impossible.

Remember, Chikara already had a child in the world circa his capture. If Rikiya were Chikara’s son, then Destro’s capture and his army’s subsequent dissolution could not have happened any farther back than nine months plus however old Rikiya was in this exact moment of his youth. Rikiya, who we see here as a child of less than ten.

Ten years in hiding doesn’t make one generation; it damn sure doesn’t make multiple ones.

Now, you could make theories about cryogenic statis that would explain this ludicrous discrepancy, sure. You could also theorize about e.g. artificial insemination,[5] or time stop quirks, or any number of other possibilities in the vast panoply the HeroAca world offers. The point is, though, that you don’t need to. There was, in the manga, no discrepancy that needed to be explained. It is only fanon misinterpretation and a glaring disinterest in the series’ villains from official sources that have presented this issue.

I’m praying that it’s all just a misunderstanding on the part of whoever maintains the website, and that the anime itself will render the relevant bits of dialogue correctly. Given the extreme cuts and alterations that My Villain Academia has been subjected to thus far, though, I’m sure you can appreciate my being concerned.

…So that’s the meat of it. The idea that Rikiya is Chikara’s son is wrong simply on the basis of what’s said in the text, and it’s doubly wrong on the basis of the timeline. There is, though, one other thing I think points towards Re-Destro being exactly the descendant he says he is, not a son playing down the connection out of humility or something. This one is a lot more headcanon-y, though, so I saved it for last.

MLA Social Dynamics

It’s quite simple. We have, in the MLA, a group of people that venerates Destro’s bloodline to an obviously unhealthy degree, putting up portraits of him wherever they can get away with it, tagging his successor with a “Re-” as if to invoke reincarnation or miraculous return, entirely willing to throw their lives away for what they think was his cause, and others’ lives if those others say anything too scathing about the words Destro wrote, quite as if they treat Destro’s memoir as some sort of holy writ.

They venerate Destro that much, and you’re trying to tell me that they wouldn’t just call a spade a spade and acknowledge RD as the son of their great leader? Come on.

Since long before I turned up the matsuei factoid in researching this piece, since long before Mr. Compress gave us such a helpful generational comparison, I’ve held the opinion that, given a group that holds their leaders in such high esteem, with such particular regard for bloodline, the only reason Rikiya does just call himself a descendant, rather than citing the specific term for what he is, is that the specific term is distant enough that it actually does sound more impressive to just say “descendant,” rather than something like, “great-great-great-grandson.” That kind of thing just begs the question, “What took you guys so long?” or, “You and how many other people, buddy?”

Mr. Compress may have the panache to carry off a line like that, but Rikiya’s a different story. If he had something so amazing up his sleeve as, “I am the son of the great Destro,” I have to think he’d just say it proudly, not fall back on the impressionistic vaguery of something like chi o tsugu mono. Even if I had no other evidence to work with, I’d think the same—all the evidence you need is right there in the character writing of who Rikiya and the MLA are and how they talk about the man whose dreams Re-Destro was raised to carry.

A closing note: I will allow that Rikiya is being overdramatic when he uses matsuei and its connotation of countless generations. There are a few other things we can use to trace the history of heroism—Ujiko’s age, and the 18-years-or-less periods that One For All was held by its pre-All Might bearers—and running those numbers leads me to believe that it is, in fact, entirely possible to count the number of generations between Rikiya and Chikara, and the number, while higher than one, is probably not all that high. Certainly matsuei is being more dramatic about it than is entirely warranted, hence the poetic flourish of the official translation’s, “His blood runs through these veins!” The theatricality only makes me fonder of him, however.

------------------------

FOOTNOTES

[1] It was changed and reverted on Re-Destro’s page at least twice before it finally stuck in January of this year. Chikara’s page took until July to be corrected, and it’s still wrong on various other subpages.

[2] Or your kids, if you have those. Only the last generation in the bloodline is the matsuei, but that’s a moving goalpost as long as the bloodline is still propagating.

[3] This summary of events combines what we know from both My Hero Academia proper and the Vigilantes spin-off, which I recommend to anyone who’s at all interested in finer-grained worldbuilding on Hero Society Japan than the main series makes time for.

[4] I personally headcanon him as 42.

[5] To which point I would refer back to the word kodomo, and note that that word choice indicates that Destro had a child in the world. Not a sperm sample kept in a freezer somewhere, waiting for the right would-be mother: an actual child. Some quick research on my part says that the farthest that term stretches is in using it to refer to yet-unborn children, fetuses still in the womb. Seeing as Japan doesn’t even allow inmates conjugal visits in real life, much less in a setting where villains are so dehumanized that Tartarus is an acceptable punishment for them, the line about Destro “having a child out in the world” takes us right back to a date of conception no later than Destro’s final night of freedom.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

[xenodile]

#and I remember being shocked at that#at the idea that blocking or using a sheild being a legitimate battle strategy#something OTHER than a meme or a situational#niche battle tactic for specifically dragonfire#like ds3 was my first game and I was just like#wtf is blocking#thats not what these games are about#its about rolling through enemies attacks#and using weapon arts#and the jankiest backstab hitboxes known to man#it was the same in bloodborne

Okay, I’m sorry, this is going to be rude, but I have to just stop and say what the FUCK are you talking about.

Blocking and using shields has ALWAYS been a core part of Souls games.  Dragonfire is in fact one of the few situations where you don’t want to use a shield and instead get out of the way.

If you’re not supposed to use shields in those games, they wouldn’t be a dedicated weapon type, they’re not a meme what fucking planet are you from.  Bloodborne is the stand out exception among contemporary FromSoft action RPGs BECAUSE it has no shields, save for a rinky dink joke item and a hyper situational magic shield.

The complaint about shields in Elden Ring is that like the Souls games, shields are a dedicated weapon type as per usual, but this time around they’re legitimately awful.  Shields as a whole were so bad they had to be buffed in the 1.03 patch, and even afterwards they’re still worse off than the shields in any of the previous Souls games.  

One of the Souls series greatest strengths was you could absolutely beat everything the game had to offer with any build so long as you put your mind to it, whether that was spellcasting, sword n boarding, dual wielding, or naked two handed axing, with effort and patience you could do it.  Elden Ring is frustrating because many, many encounters are designed to be overly hostile and punishing to specific playstyles, in particular colossal weapons and shields.  Colossal weapons suffer from the least variety of weapon arts and don’t deal enough damage to justify how slow and vulnerable they make you, and shields eat up so much stamina when blocking that you’ll be lucky if you’re able to attack or roll at all after trying to block a string, assuming it doesn’t break your guard to begin with.

This is not an issue of “old stuck in their ways Soulsborne players can’t adapt to new things”, the problem is Elden Ring is riddled with legitimate gameplay design flaws that a large majority of the playerbase wants to just ignore and excuse with “git gud” because Souls games have amassed one of the most toxic and pigheaded online communities I’ve ever seen.

[ithebookhoarder]

Hi there 😊

Can I request some Thomas Shelby x Reader please ?

Yoy have been seeing each other a while You went back to Tommy’s and stayed over at his house. Arthur catches you the next morning sneaking to the toilet in Tommy’s coat. Then the questions start... 😂

The Morning After (Tommy Shelby x Reader)

A/N: Of course you can ;) This prompt really made me laugh, so I hope you enjoy it!  x

Warnings: Swearing, smut, mentions of nudity. Let me know if I missed anything.

Masterlist:

------------

“My eyes! Fuck!”

“Arthur?”

“Ow!” 

“Stop walking with your eyes closed - you just walked into a door!”

“I… I’m good, love. Don’t… don’t worry. I can’t see anything. Promise.”

Fuck. 

You knew this had been a bad idea. 

No, scratch that, this had been a colossally disastrous idea. Yeah, that was more of an accurate term to describe what was going on here. After all, it wasn’t every day you got caught, half naked, sneaking about the Shelby house. 

Why hadn’t you listened to your gut and stayed home last night? Sure, you’d been here often enough, having grown up with most of the Shelby boys as your friends. It was hard not to be drawn to their motley family when you grew up just down the street on Watery Lane. The community of Small Heath was small, but incredibly tight knit. 

Which was why, in all honesty, you were surprised you and Tommy had been able to get away with this for so long. You’d have thought someone would have caught you two together by now. It wasn’t exactly like you’d gone to any remarkable lengths to try and hide the blossoming relationship between you. 

Still, your situation hadn’t been quite as obvious as it was now. Creeping out of Tommy’s bedroom, dressed only in his coat - the nearest thing you’d been able to find in the dark - was a pretty big bloody clue as to what had been happening last night whilst everyone else had been at the Garrison. 

Now that you’d been seen by Arthur - of all people - it would only be a matter of minutes before the rest of the family would know too. 

“Shit,” you muttered, ignoring the heat in your cheeks as you clutched the coat tighter around you. If only you’d taken a moment longer in the bathroom, then maybe you’d have been spared this. “Arthur, wait - this isn’t … I’m not…”

There was no point. He was already gone, hurrying off downstairs, ready to spread the good news with everyone else. 

Well, at least John hadn’t been the one to catch you - Arthur saw you as too much of a sister to risk a peek. That, and at least you wouldn’t be having to sneak out of a window this time. That was something… right?

You silently cursed your bad luck and all but sprinted back towards Tommy’s room. Considering how good of a mood he’d been in that morning, you were more than disappointed to be the one who would have to ruin it. 

Oh, he wasn’t going to like this. Not one bit.

“Tom?” 

A soft grunt from beneath the covers was the reply as you crept back into the darkened room you’d left only minutes ago. It had only taken that time for Tommy to sprawl himself across the bed, star fishing across the mattress space you’d been lying on, as if trying to keep it warm for your return. 

You loved sleepy Tommy Shelby. It was a side of him that very few people had ever been privileged enough to see. Most mornings, he was up at ungodly early hour, off and about Birmingham on some business or other. 

Yet, on mornings like this one? Well, he looked so much younger, swaddled in his sheets. His soft hair was stuck up at odd angles, and his icy blue eyes were murky with exhaustion. 

A small shiver of want ran down your spine as you remembered gazing into those eyes last night, losing yourself as he’d thrust into you over and over again until you’d been a sobbing, writhing mess of limbs. 

“Tommy?” you whispered, tiptoeing closer. “Tommy, are you awake?”

“No, Y/N. I’m not.”

“Ha ha.”

Apparently, sleepy Tommy didn’t approve of sarcasm, or so his pout suggested as he propped his head up long enough to give it. “Just come back to bed already, eh? It’s cold without you next to me.” 

“Yes, well, I had to pee,” you giggled, “else I’d never have left you. I’m sorry. You’re pretty cozy to sleep with too, you know?”

“Good. Now, get back here,” he grumbled, arms shooting out to coil themselves around you and haul you down next to him by force. You couldn’t help the shriek of laughter that escaped you, especially as he pulled you under him, allowing him to press soft kisses along the exposed skin of your neck. “You look good in my coat, Y/N. Maybe you should wear it more often.”

“Oh?”

“Especially with nothing else beneath it.” His tone had grown dangerously seductive as his hands began to crawl beneath the fabric, as if trying to prove his point. 

If only you didn’t need to end the moment there. If only you didn’t need to warn him there wasn’t exactly time for this kind of amorous behaviour - not when his family were probably moments from bursting in on you both, desperate for answers. 

“Well, Arthur didn’t seem to share that opinion, Tommy,” you whispered, struggling not to smile at the memory of his elder brother turning almost as red as his hair. “In fact, he almost fell down the stairs he was so desperate to stop looking at it.”

Tommy froze. 

You felt the horror shoot through him, quickly followed by the realisation of what you were saying. Arthur. Arthur had seen you… like this… 

“He saw you?”

“Yep.”

“So… he knows?”

You nodded, groaning in embarrassment. “I’d say it’s more than likely, just like I’d say it’s more than likely he’s already told the others too.”

Tommy’s expression dropped as he released you, suddenly yanking the covers over you both as if it would somehow block out the oncoming invasion that was sure to follow. 

“Tommy Shelby! What are you doing?”

“We’re hiding,” he replied calmly, hauling you close again. His nose was cold as it brushed against yours, making yours wrinkle. “We’re not going anywhere because I can’t be fucking bothered to deal with everyone else right now. I only care about you, and me, being alone together, in this bed, finishing the wonderful plans I had prepared for this morning.”

“But Tommy, they’re not going to-“

“Sssh,” Tommy sniggered, pressing a finger to your lips. He didn’t need to. The lusty look in his eyes, and the delicious feeling of his body pressing against yours was enough to silence any further protests. “I’m the only Shelby you should be concerned about right now, sweetheart. After all, they’ll still be there later. They wouldn’t risk going out and missing the chance to interrogate us both for every sordid detail. The least we can do is ensure we have some to share, eh?”

Now, that was a plan you could agree to. 

“Maybe you should start by taking this coat off of me then, Tom,” you teased, “before any one else gets a chance to see me in it and only it.”

Tommy didn’t need to be told twice. In fact, there was something primal about the way he growled softly, his lips surging to lock with yours as he began to do exactly that. 

Maybe your morning was looking up after all…

[my-writings-and-musings]

Can I request the hostage prompt with whirl,cygate and megatron with a human so

Ohoho I've been waiting to do this one... Hope everyone enjoys some silliness mixed with sweetness!

Part One: You're Here!

Part Two: Here!

Whirl

·You've always had a kind of strength Whirl recognized and admired, it's one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place, but even you aren't sure what exactly gives you the fuel to snap with enough force that it freezes your captor at their active communication station. Maybe you're just tired of being chained up, but their arrogant demeanor is more than likely what pushed you over the edge, specifically with that last taunt at Whirl that used "Cyclops" as the punchline for the millionth time. Swears are beautifully melded into an avalanche of fury that starts with you demanding this lazy idiot think of a better insult for your partner than something involving his looks, because "You think YOU'RE hot shit?! There's corpses in here with more charisma than you!"

·Fear doesn't even register as you keep on tearing apart your captor in every way you can. Nothing is off limits with all the taunting Whirl has been forced to endure on the other end of the communication line, and thus you bring out every below the belt insult you can think of. The bad bot's jaw is slack as you continue, looking to their dazed face and declaring "Not to mention you're dumb enough to go after MY mech, you think a loser like you is gonna stand a chance against WHIRL?! Just last week he tossed a combiner off a bridge because he called me "fleshy", what do you think he's gonna do to YOU?!"

· The communicator is still running when your kidnapper leaves it to try and intimidate you into silence, a move that makes you laugh in exasperated dismissal. "Oh, now you're gonna THREATEN me, really? Did I not make myself clear? You've pissed off the deadliest mech in the universe, and he's got the entirety of the Lost Light helping him search, your next few hours would be a lot better spent deciding how you want what's gonna be left of you interred!" Though you're not even knee height compared to your captor, he actually seems to flinch at your words, especially with you raging so close to his gobsmacked face. The rush of finally shutting him up spurs you to continue your roasting with increasingly petty and crude comments on your partner's significantly superior looks.

·In a stroke of fantastic fortune or misfortune depending on your perspective, a tactical explosion tears into the underground base just as you start to elaborate on Whirl's many other impressive skills. Bots rain in to overwhelm your kidnapper and his automated defenses in a coordinated ambush, one quickly ruined when your absolutely giddy paramour rushes forth without a care to take out the captor in a flying jump kick with a howling battle cry. Rather than eviscerate his now vulnerable enemy, Whirl leaves the crumpled kidnapper where he lies, heedless to the battle still raging all around as his optic sparkles as he beholds you. Like a damsel being swept off their feet you're plucked from your chains and pulled into his careful claws.

·All but gushing with euphoria, he explains that your brilliant distraction tactic gave them the ability to trace your location, and that he heard every word of your spark warming defense on his behalf. You can hear the unhindered adoration in his voice, but you also get a chance to see it as he practically dances through the combat with you held in one arm. By the time your kidnapper is the only one left, he looks lovingly into your eyes and primes his gun with a tender whisper. "Want me to kill this glitch just for you, babe?" The other bots quickly interfere to insist on taking him in for a proper trial, something you're quite alright with as you explain all you really want is to get some rest. Whirl insists on carrying you all the way to bed, whispering sweet nothing's and more or less being the most affectionate anyone has ever seen him.

·Afterwards you're told what it was like on the other end of the communication line. He'd been inconsolable at your kidnapping, and it had taken multiple bots to prevent him from tearing apart the ship as the messages came in. But the moment you'd started shouting? He'd been initially frozen like the rest of them, but had eventually leaned in beside the communicator to listen, his optic getting mistier at every passing curse word yelled on his behalf. Some described his demeanor as that of a lovestruck teen listening to their crush sing a love ballad, though they emphasize his emotional reaction to hearing you was undoubtedly genuine, as it was probably the first time he'd ever been defended so passionately by anyone. The endless doting on you he engages in afterwards leaves you little doubt this is true.

Cygate

·Having two loving partners has always been a blessing, which is probably why you're so easily driven to a blind rage in the face of your captor's endless attempts to mock both of them through the brief communications he sends to the crew, which are also made more unbearable by his ever increasing list of demands for your return. At his latest taunting of their "freakish" romance, you hit your boiling point. The communicator is still running when you lay into the callous bot for having the audacity to insult anyone's choices when he's set himself up in a literal evil lair. "There's body parts just thrown around like confetti in here, and you LIVE like this?! Do you think you get to decide who's weird in this scenario?! At least those two were decent enough to have each other as roommates, you couldn't convince anything living to shack up with your creepy ass!"

·At the total silence you somehow find the fury to keep going, but harder and faster this time, your self restraint little more than a memory as you dangle from the chains keeping you still. "Is it a jealousy thing?! Are you just that peeved off you're single? That you had to steal me to cut them down from three to two? Bad news dumbass; they're STILL beating you on the dating front!" It's not helping your situation, but tearing in to the jerk who's dragged you into a cave and spent so long bullying your partners feels too good for you to stop, especially with the stupid look of indignation and confusion twisting his expression. Not to mention he gives you plenty to rip into even as he tries in vain to make you shut up.

·"You think you scare me?! Do you even know who I'm dating?! Do you think they'll let you get away with this stunt?! One of them can destroy your stupid face with one punch, the other is Cyclonus, and you've gone and pissed them both off!" While it may be a little underwhelming to threaten the guy with what others will do to him, you're hardly in a mood to complain when his expression briefly gives way to one of horrified realization. Yet that hardly calms you down in any significant way. Did he drag you to some nowhere planet and chain you to a wall without even bothering to consider the consequences?! Your back is killing you and the bots have been enduring his incoherent demands for hours, and perhaps you could forgive that if not for all his haughty taunting, which drives you to once again begin raging.

·"Did you even have a plan?! Do you actually have any idea what you're up against, or did you just think you'd swipe a human and earn an easy paycheck? Because if you had even an inkling of what my mechs are capable of, you'd be headed for the nearest space bridge and warping as FAR away from here as physics allow!" While it's a new level of ridiculous, even for your crazy life, the absurdities of the nonexistent plan simply make you see red. It's one thing to be kidnapped by someone who at least has goals, but to be chained up in a cave by some idiot who doesn't have any plans beyond profit and bragging? That'd be enough to tick you off in itself, but the additional insults he's levied at your partners bring your tirade into molten levels of anger that seem absolutely bottomless.

·You're practically red in the eyes when the whole place quakes, and by the time you realize your captor is booking it he's already made it to the door, though his escape ends there when it opens to reveal the bots you've been wanting to see more than anything. A single strike from Cyclonus sends the kidnapper clear across the room, and he's followed by a battle ready Tailgate roaring out his fury as the security systems come on. The chaos of automatic turrets does nothing to distract you from the little blue bot pummeling your captor, and it only makes the arrival of a familiar purple mech that much more heroic as he snaps your chains and pulls you into his arms. The battle is little more than a formality before the barely conscious villain is cuffed and prepared for transport to trial, something your two partners are only willing to allow under the threat of personally hunting him down if he tries to escape justice. Before even leaving the cave you're smushed in the middle of a passionate hug.

·Tailgate alternates between ecstatic buzzing and relieved weeping at your rescue, while Cyclonus never loses a soft smile but keeps finding opportunities to hold and touch you as if he needs to be reassured you're here. It's heartwarming, but according to the rest of the crew it all started at your unplanned radio takeover. No bot had been prepared to hear their favorite human erupt in such unbridled rage, but those two had been shocked in the most wonderful meaning of the word, their expressions reflecting awe like no other until the ship had actually arrived at your location. Cyclonus had actually gone slack jawed while Tailgate had threatened to faint in his arms, but joy had painted their reactions more and more as time had gone on. The tiny powerhouse and the colossal mech out of time were still effusive in their praise every time you three were together, neither having ever known someone could truly love the two of them so completely.

Megatron

·Knowing that Megatron has a sizable target on his back and a lot to be criticized for doesn't make enduring your captor any easier, which is probably why you end up reaching a boiling point after a few hours of listening to the bot who's tied you up try to claim some kind of moral high ground. A tiny human being protective of a titanic gladiator may be illogical, but you can't seem to care when you finally hit your limit, the chains keeping you in place rattling from your sheer force of rage. Because seriously, so long as we're criticizing people for immoral actions, can you cut in about the time some raging jerk tied you up just to taunt another bot and get some cash on the side? Your simple but glaring barb immediately gets the attention of the much larger alien as they stare at you in shock.

·At his bafflement you become entirely unhinged. "Really? What, do you need me to spell out the irony of all this?! You're calling MY MECH a monster, but I don't see him running many evil lairs at the moment, do you?! Kind of rich, you claiming the high ground while I'm literally CHAINED TO THE WALL and our only present company is CORPSES, don't you think?!" The various and still unexplained dead bodies dotting the cave remain as the only audience you know of while the communicator is abandoned, your captor leaving it behind so he can approach and try to growl out some kind of intimidation. It has no effect beyond making you more furious than ever before. Had the chains not been holding you down, you'd have certainly tried to swing at his stupid face while you snapped.

·"Are you trying to scare me? You, a two bit kidnapper who holed himself up in a cave, and I'm supposed to be impressed?! I'm DATING Megatron! One look at a bot that terrifies the galaxy and I decided I wanted a piece of him!" You're almost proud as you declare your undying love for your gigantic partner, something that has earned you a lot of grief from others but has made you happier than you've ever been in your entire life. While you ordinarily don't attempt to argue on his behalf, per his request, it's impossible not to just grill a jerk who thinks he has the high ground to criticize literally anyone. Plus your open and passionate fondness for the former warlord seems to be scaring your captor more than the mech himself ever could, something that brings a devilish twinkle to your eye as you continue to threateningly gush over the bot you adore, if only to pay this jerk back for all the gloating he made said mech endure.

·You're absolutely effusive as you passionately and quite aggressively go on about what a gentlemech you're dating, with ample divertions to the many ways his incredible strength and size are used for much more protective and noble purposes, like holding you close or crushing bad guys. It isn't long before you're spinning a terrifying yarn about the time you were caught in a firefight and he tore a hunk of the wall clean off to shield you from the danger before proceeding to beat the attacking forces with the corpse of their leader. The kidnapper is actually backing away slowly, which turns to backing away quickly as you begin to describe Megatron's romantic poetry skills and how some of his greatest talents lie not on the battlefield but in the bedroom, by which point he's preparing his security systems to cover his escape.

·Perfect timing, from your perspective, makes the sudden explosion of every door a beautiful and inspiring sight. In what has to be the most well coordinated ambush of all time, your friends of the Lost Light storm the cave and annihilate the resistance so fast you only have to blink before a very restrained Megatron is cuffing your petrified kidnapper and tossing him to Magnus so he can be taken into custody. When he turns to you he's actually smiling, and there's a lot behind the expression. Relief, gratitude, exhaustion, and a million other emotions swarm in his optics as the chains keeping you bound crumble like dust in his grip, and you're lifted in his cupped hands like a priceless treasure. Though he's mostly quiet for some time after, you can hear how absolutely smitten he is with you every time he speaks, and the lovestruck look of pure affection never seems to leave his face, which you see often as he appears terrified to lose you.

·A couple of other bots feel compelled to tell you; he was on the warpath when he found you missing, and many had been taking bets on how little would be left of your kidnapper once the former Decepticon got his hands on him. Yet, as soon as he'd overheard you, something about his whole demeanor had changed in an instant. He hadn't just softened, he'd been visibly moved by the passion of your defense and the fire of your love for him. The very idea that he could be defended had been unthinkable in his mind. Yet you'd faced a much larger foe without fear because you'd been so angry on his behalf, what could he possibly have done to deserve such a thing? His gratitude is apparent every moment the two of you spend together, from his rather out of character cuddling to his impressive increase in poems written to describe his adoration of you. Though it isn't at all necessary, you do enjoy having been able to let him know how deeply you cherish him.

[thunder-at-dawn]

why tf is the unfollow button right next to the ask thing-

24 with lee Foolish? i just need some fluff after today's lore ;-;

ok you said you wanted fluff but...i may or may have gotten carried away. there many or may not also be hurt/comfort in this BSHDJDJD SORRY

word count: 1,454

prompt list can be found here!

prompt 24: “i’m barely touching you!”

spoiler warning for the events of the red banquet for those who haven’t seen it yet!

This wasn’t possible.

He was immortal.

He couldn’t die...

...or so he thought.

Foolish walked through the desert, stepping foot out of his temple for the first time in days. For the first time since the Red Banquet.

...God, he even hated thinking of those two words.

He had already reunited with Puffy, his mother, a day prior. She had shed many tears in front of him, and Foolish wasn’t afraid to admit that he had shed a couple as well.

However, she had approached him. Foolish hadn’t gone anywhere else, he had just stayed inside the temple ever since he...he...no. He couldn’t think about that right now. He couldn’t think about the scar across his neck that was somehow still there. He couldn’t think about how Antfrost had beheaded him and taken his life. He couldn’t think about Puffy’s screams and tears. He couldn’t think about how the egg suppressed him. He couldn’t think about how Eret- Eret.

He had to find Eret.

Foolish wasn’t sure what he wanted to do before he headed out of the temple, but now? Now, he knew for sure. As fast as he could, he ran down the desert path and towards his colossal nether portal. He passed his turtles and his abnormally large cactus, glad to be able to see them again. But that wasn’t his primary focus.

He stepped up the platforms to the nether portal, about to step in, but hesitated. Puffy had told him that everyone had escaped, and that Foolish had been the only sacrifice. But...Eret might have taken that place. It was a lot to think about...was he ready to face it?

Whatever thoughts Foolish had were interrupted by the portal swirling in front of him. Was someone coming through? Who would be coming over here? Foolish stepped aside, not wanting to be crashed into by whoever came through from the nether. He could hear the swirling vortex increase in volume, and after a few moments, someone stumbled out of the portal.

“Fucking ghasts...” A grumble came out of the stranger’s mouth. They wore a ruby red dress that trailed onto the ground as they stepped off of the platform. It was a dress that Foolish had recognized, but it looked different. While it was newer and beautiful the last time he saw that dress, the very bottom of it was now tattered, ripped, and covered in dirt. Part of the bottom of the dress had even caught on fire (from a ghast, Foolish assumed), and the stranger had brought it closer to them to stomp the fire out with their boot.

However, to Foolish, this was no stranger.

“...Eret?”

The monarch turned around, immediately recognizing their friend’s voice. As Foolish stepped down from the portal platform, Eret froze in place, their breaths increasing in speed.

“Eret...hey. Uh...jeez...” There was so much that Foolish wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to form it all into words. He stepped forward, now standing directly in front of Eret and looking at them in the eyes, past their sunglasses.

“F-Foolish, I-“ Eret stuttered, pausing once again. However, something then happened that Foolish knew all too well.

“Ah, wait! Wait, don’t cry! It’s okay!” Foolish instinctively wiped away the few tears that flowed from Eret’s eyes. Just as he had remembered from the old days, their tears were glowing white, and left a small marking on their face that would fade with time.

Their bodies finally met with a hug initiated by Eret. No, not a hug. An embrace. It was a genuine, most-definitely needed embrace.

“I- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” Eret pulled away. “I shouldn’t be crying, I should be happy, happy that you’re alive! I mean, I knew that you would come back, and that you still have two lives, but I didn’t know what was going to happen, a-and-“

“Eret, relax. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. I’m here now. Take some deep breaths.” Foolish reassured his old friend, who was currently going through a tidal wave of emotions. Eret followed the instructions, inhaling and exhaling. After a minute or two, they started to calm down.

“...It’s good to be able to see you again.” The totem god nodded with a smile.

“It’s so good to see you again too, Foolish.” Eret nodded, now smiling as well.

“You’re still wearing that dress, huh?”

Eret looked down at the tattered dress. “Yeah, I haven’t found myself taking it off...ever since...” Foolish knew what words would finish that sentence, and he could tell that neither one of them wanted to be the one to fill in the blank. Eret sighed, looking back up at Foolish. “Sorry, but would it be okay if I hugged you again?”

“Of course, Eret! You don’t even have to ask!” Foolish nodded. This time, however, he was the one to initiate the hug, before Eret got the chance to do so. The monarch held their friend right around the waist, with no plans to let go. However, a sudden feeling in Foolish’s side caused him to retreat with a small yell.

Eret also stepped back a bit, surprised by the disruption. “Is- Is everything okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“What? No, no! You’re fine. You’re just fine, Eret.” Foolish nodded, playing things down. Surely they wouldn’t figure it out, right?”

“...Alright.” With hesitance, Eret wrapped their arms tightly around Foolish again, only for him to suddenly pull away again. He once again let out a yell.

“Are you sure I’m not hurting you? I can stop.” Eret asked nervously.

“No! Like I said, you’re fine.” Foolish nodded.

Questions raced through Eret’s head. Were they hurting him? Was he lying? Why was he smiling a bit? Suddenly, everything clicked together. A lightbulb went off, and they crossed their arms with a smirk.

“Ohhhhh, I think I’ve got it. Foolish, are you ticklish by chance?” They asked.

Damnit, they did figure it out!

“What? Noooooo...” The detectable nervousness of his voice confirmed Eret’s answer. “I’m not! Really, I’m not. You just kinda staHARTled mehe!” His voice raised in pitch as Eret unexpectedly squeezed his side. “Eheheret!”

“Oh, so now you’re lying to me, huh?” Eret raised an eyebrow, then commenced with grabbing both of their wrists with one hand. With their free hand, Eret poked and prodded around Foolish’s torso.

“Wahahait, wahahihit! EhehEHrehet!! I’m sohohory for lying, I’m- SHIHIT!” Foolish’s voice was filled with small snickers as they squirmed around, trying to escape Eret’s grasp.

“I’m barely touching you!” Eret said, amused by this new discovery.

“YeheHEHAh, buhut it tiHIHIckhles!” He giggled, continuing to squirm.

“Well, yeah, that’s kind of the point.” Eret shrugged, switching tactics. They went from poking with one hand to two hands, vibrating their fingers into their underarms to see if they would get a different reaction.

“No. No. NonononOHOHAHAHAHAAA!! EHEHEHEHEREHET!!” Foolish threw his head back, his laughter quick to rise in volume.

“Ah, there we go!” Eret grinned, knowing they had found a better spot to attack. “You’ve got such a nice laugh Foolish, I’m so glad you’re sharing it with me!”

“SHUHUHUTUHUP!” The demigod cackled as he squirmed in Eret’s grasp. When they moved down to squeeze at his hip, he let out a shriek, quickly forcing their hands off and stepping away with a wobbly smile.

“Woah, bad spot, huh?” The monarch laughed at the other’s reaction.

“Gee, I dunno. What do you think, Eret?” Foolish asked with sarcasm in his voice. He sighed, taking a moment to catch his much needed breath. Despite the sudden surprise, it was fun. He couldn’t remember the last time he had some plain fun without the thought of the Eggpire or something else stressful on his mind.

“Well, I think that that was pretty fun.” Eret nodded.

“For you, maybe.” Foolish rolled his eyes with a grin.

“For me, definitely.” They laughed softly before turning back to Foolish. “If you want, we could probably go and visit Puffy. I’m sure she’d enjoy having all three of us together again.”

“Yeah, of course!” He nodded, never to turn down an opportunity to visit his adoptive parent. Suddenly, he had an idea. “I’ll race you!” He said, grabbing Eret’s hand and bringing him towards the nether portal.

“Wha- Foolish! That’s not fair, I’m wearing heeled boots!” Eret said to him while being walked up to the portal.

“And? All is fair in a race through the Nether, old pal!” Foolish laughed, dragging Eret through the portal with him as he stepped through. Eret rolled their eyes, but grinned, knowing the two of them were thinking the same thing.

This was just going to be one of the many new adventures they had together.

[shingia]

𝐒/𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃

stay safe and warm up conscientiously my dudes <3

⤷  hinata, tsukishima, yamaguchi, suga, oikawa, akaashi

warnings : knee, ankle, shoulder injuries

↳ hinata (basketball)

▻ there were only five minutes left and karasuno was two points behind. now was the time to give your all as you went in for the jump that would hopefully block your opponent’s attack

▻ when you felt the familiar texture of the ball against your fingertips, you focused all your strength in your arm and smashed it to the ground with an unbreakable determination

▻ it worked. it worked ! a loud roaring from the stands reached your ears, stirring up the wild fire that was burning in you

▻ but sadly, this wild fire vanished in a matter of seconds when your foot twisted to the right and your ankle hit the floor full force

▻ you let out a piercing scream as a sharp pain was radiating from your ankle to your whole leg

▻ “that’s it. it’s over for me” you thought as tears sprinkled the corner of your eyes

▻ you had no idea how much time it took the first aiders to come to you, but it did not matter. right now you couldn’t think about anything else than your sheer disappointment in yourself. your mind was numb. it was all your fault.

▻ the first tear you let out was when you were laying on the observation table of the infirmary, an ice pack on your elevated ankle as the first aider was out calling your parents

▻ you hadn’t been alone for long when the door suddenly burst open. you immediately recognized your boyfriend’s ginger locks

▻ but when your eyes fixed upon his face, you realized that he looked nothing like the shōyō you knew

▻ his everlasting spark seemed gone and he was looking at you with worried and sorry eyes for the first time ever

▻ he was about to say something when you suddenly broke down in tears right in front of him

▻ seeing you like this truly broke his heart. he couldn’t even imagine how you felt, although he really wanted to. he wanted you to give him your pain

 ▻ however, he knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. he ran to your bed and wrapped his arms around you, holding your sobbing body tightly before saying as happily as he could : “karasuno won, y/n ! they won for you !”

▻ you looked at him with red and swollen eyes. his bright face that you knew so well was back, and the colossal weight of guilt that was crushing you was slowly starting to disappear

▻ “they’ll be here in a few minutes. and you’ll see that nobody’s mad at you... except yourself. but absolutely none of this is your fault, alright ? don’t let these bad thoughts get to you, please... or i’ll fight you myself”

▻ you let out a faint laugh, still wrapped in the tenderness of his embrace and not ready to let go just yet

▻ for the months that followed your injury, shōyō was more than happy to help you with rehabilitation. he also made you write down every single progress you made, so that you could read it whenever you felt down

▻ he insisted on accompanying you to every match your team played without you, because he knew how hard it could be for you to watch from this side of the gym

▻ also, he definitely tried your crutches and did tricks with them

↳ tsukishima (tennis)

▻ tsukki was not even supposed to attend your match. but daichi knew that the first and second years had to study for their exams next week and decided to end their practice early, which is why he thought it’d be a good idea to come see you play

▻ you were really good at tennis, but you tended to overwork yourself and always tried to push your limits. physically or mentally

▻ he had already told you that this behavior would lead you to an injury, but you were too stubborn to listen to him

▻ so obviously, he was not very surprised when he saw you fall to the ground while painfully holding your shoulder as you let out harrowing sobs

▻ he might not have been surprised, but that didn't mean he was not concerned. he was actually pretty worried

▻ however, he was sensible and knew better than to run to you impulsively and bother the medics ; so he kept his distance until your were taken in hand

▻ you were laying on the floor, still painfully sobbing from both pain and frustration when you felt a hand on your leg

▻ you wiped away the tears that were troubled your sight and recognized your boyfriend’s face who was looking at you from above with his brows furrowed

▻ “go ahead, say it” you sniffled “« i told you »”

▻ tsukki shook his head no with a scoff “i won’t. not now at least. what did the medics say ?”

▻ “i have to go for an x-ray and ultrasound to make sure nothing’s fractured” you answered after swallowing the lump in your throat

▻ he sat more comfortably next to you and kept rubbing circles on your thigh, telling you that he’d stay with you for as long as he’s allowed to

▻ he knew very well that you were going to be hard enough on yourself so, for once, he put aside his salty comments and focused on taking your mind off of the pain

▻ so he thought he’d explain to you why he had finally been able to come. he also told you that from the little he had seen, you had played better than ever, hoping that this would make you feel at least a bit better

▻ emotional support might not be tsukki’s forte, but during your convalescence, he helped in his own way by thinking about how you could still play a role in your sport while being immobilized

▻ he encouraged you to ask your coach if you could help train the younger players, which you started doing a week after the accident - and it was one of the best idea tsukki had ever had

▻ even if he couldn’t go with you to all your doctor’s appointments, he knew all the dates by heart and always called you afterwards

↳ yamaguchi (gymnastics)

▻ yamaguchi loved to see you perform your routines and was always amazed at how you made everything look so effortless. and you loved knowing that he was there for you in the stands

▻ however, when you lost balance during a jump over the bar and dislocated your shoulder while trying to grab hold of it, you thought that for once it would have been better for him not to come and witness that

▻ the pain was sharp, like your joint was trying to pop out of your skin at any moment. although your coach tried to be as reassuring as she could, you couldn’t help but imagine the worst

▻ and that’s when you saw him. deathly pale, tadashi was standing next to the stairs that connected the stands to the competition hall, visibly weighing whether or not he should come and see you

▻ three medics came in no time and carefully put you on a stretcher before taking you to a quieter room where you’d have to wait for the ambulance. your coach was still with you, but you knew she had to deal with the rest of your teammates

▻ “go back there, they still need you” you told her “but before you leave, my boyfriend is in the competition hall, could you-”

▻ you weren’t even done talking that yamaguchi burst in the room, looking absolutely terrified. he rushed to you and your coach decided to leave, you were in good hands now

▻ “i’m alright, tadashi, i’m alright” you lied with a forced smile

▻ he squeezed your hand, his jaw clenched. “stop preserving me, it’s my turn to reassure you for once. it’s okay if you’re not alright, i’m here”

▻ at his words, a single tear ran down your cheek which he stopped by softly brushing your skin with his finger. you smiled gratefully at his angelic face, which was still tensed with worry

▻ “w-will you come to the hospital with me ?” you asked, finally letting your fear show through your voice

▻ tadashi obviously accepted to accompany you. actually, he was there every step of the way, until your parents took over

▻ for quite some time after your injury, tadashi stopped talking about volleyball. he thought it was unfair to talk to you about it when you were immobilized for at least a month

▻ but hearing him talk about his sport was one of the things you enjoyed most so you asked him not to refrain himself. if there was something he wanted to tell you, you were more than happy to listen

▻ however, it did not mean that you didn’t have moments when your sadness and anger were too much to handle

▻ at first, you were reluctant to call him when it happened. but nobody could comfort you the way tadashi did and he often stayed on the phone with you until you fell asleep

↳ suga (track)

▻ it was the first time. the first time suga wasn’t there to cheer for you from the stands. and of course you had to get your first injury in seven years of practice during that time

▻ he had a practice match the day of your competition, but you assured him that you’d be alright without him. which was now a lie, obviously

▻ you were on your way to the hospital to have an ultrasound, which would let you know how much of your hamstring had torn, and you still hadn’t told anything to suga

▻ a call seemed like the easiest way to warn him, but you feared that it might interrupt him during his match so you opted for a text, trying to make it sound the less worrisome as possible

▻ but based on suga’s panicked tone when he called you right after his match, your definition of “not worrisome” was definitely not the same as his

▻ he told you he’d come to the hospital right away but you refused and told him to meet you at your house in about an hour

▻ he was at your front door twenty minutes later. just to be sure

▻ when you finally got back, he wanted nothing more than to run to you for the tightest hug of his life. but just as he was about to wrap his arms around you, he froze and took a step back

▻ “no. no touching. i’m not taking any risk” he stated

▻ you chuckled and told him that except for your left leg, the rest of your body was more than disposed to be hug. but seeing that he was still reluctant, you pulled him in for a hug yourself

▻ although he didn’t want to tell you about it, he felt extremely guilty that he had not been there for you. he knew that he would not have been able to change the outcome, but he could have provided moral support ; that was one of the things he was the best at

▻ so he made you promise that if you were to be in trouble again, you’d call him no matter what. and you had no other choice but to promise him (he could be dreadfully convincing)

▻ he made up for his absence by pampering you ten times more than before, which was no small thing to say since he was already very devoted to your every needs

▻ and his pampering included hours of cheering you up every time the fear of never getting back to the same level as before seized you

▻ however, he knew better than to just your sadness to the back of your mind, so if you ever needed a good cry, his shoulder was there for you

▻ “let it all out, it’s alright, pumpkin. i didn’t care about this shirt anyways”

▻ as soon as you were allowed to go for short runs again, you can be sure that suga went with you every single time in case something was to happen again

↳ oikawa (ice skating)

▻ tōru had the reputation of being rather confident and proud of who he was, and you loved that about him

▻ after dating for about a year, you were now one of the fortunate ones that tōru was as proud of as he was of himself. and this was especially evident during your figure skating performances

▻ your body was so graceful when it moved on the ice, he considered you a true piece of art

▻ as for you, you were proud to be loved by such an amazing athlete, and seeing him in the front row when you entered the skating rink never failed to boost your confidence

▻ today was the day of the qualifications for the nationals, and you were one of the favorites of the competition. the pressure was on and you had to give everything you had during the four minutes and thirty seconds you spent on the rink

▻ unfortunately, you gave more than you had. which was too much for your body

▻ as soon as you heard a crack in your knee, you knew it was over. and when your body hit the ice full force after your failed landing, everyone around knew too

▻ the pain, the frustration, the anger, the distress, tōru was familiar with those

▻ he grabbed his bag and your jacket that he had kept with him before running out of the stands and try to meet with you as soon as he could

▻ but sadly, the staff did not let him enter the room you were kept in while waiting for the ambulance. he was furious and this close to make a scandal. but luckily, he reconsidered it and decided to use his head instead

▻ and thirty seconds later, he was standing next to your bed, holding your trembling hand in his

▻ “if anyone asks, i’m your brother” he whispered while placing a reassuring kiss on your forehead

▻ tears sprinkled the corner of his eyes and he did not even bother to wipe them away. it broke his heart to see you go through something even worse than what he had to endure with his ankle

▻ but on the other hand, he knew what words you needed to hear right now and he wanted to be the support he did not have

▻ “i know... i know this seems like a nightmare. but it’s not over, you’ll make it through, honey. and you’re not alone, nobody here is stupid enough to give up on you.”

▻ you did not realize it yet, but his hand in yours was the only thing that kept you going through both physical and mental pain

▻ and even when his hand left yours, even once you were out of the hospital, he was the one that kept you going. he would not have allowed that his prodigious s/o gave in to despair and sadness

▻ “when you come to think about it, this was just your way of letting a chance to the others. how nice of you, sweetie” he told you one day as you were walking home from his practice

▻ but he could see that you were not sharing his opinion as you kept walking with your eyes looking down

▻ he immediately stopped and turned around to face you. both his hands were your shoulders and he looked at you dead in the eyes 

▻ “i know you’re strong enough to overcome this. and you know i’m never wrong ! sure, it will be long and difficult, but also i know you’re not afraid of that. just think about how ecstatic the crowd will be when you’ll win the selections next year ! you’ll get so much more credit than all these wannabes losers ! so don’t you dare chicken out now, alright, love ?”

▻ after a quick wink, he pulled you in one of the tender hugs that only he had the secret to. and as you let his familiar smell calm your nerves, it appeared that there was still a bit of hope after all

↳ akaashi (rhythmic gymnastics)

▻ akaashi did not understand. he did not want to believe it. ten seconds ago, you were majestically drawing spirals in the air with your ribbon while grabbing your leg from behind your neck ; it was beautiful, you were delivering the best routine he had ever seen. so why ? why did your ankle give up ?

▻ on his team, he was the quickest to make decisions, he was used to thinking fast. but right now ? he had absolutely no idea what to do and he hated to admit it that he didn’t dare to move from the stands for a few minutes

▻ but seeing your cheeks covered in tears as you were being taken out of the competition carpet was an electroshock. he stood up and ran as fast as he could to the corridor in which he last saw you

▻ he did not know the gym at all and had to ask many people before a woman was finally able to tell you where you had been taken. he thanked her about three times

▻ when he entered your team’s locker room, he was surprised and also a bit irritated to see that you had been left alone. but when you told him that it was actually you who had asked to be alone, he second-guessed everything

▻ “i don’t mind it if it’s you” you assured him as you tried to sit up straight

▻ when you winced in pain, he immediately grabbed your sides as gently as he could to help you sit against the wall. his eyes lingered on the ice pack on your ankle for a little while he softly replaced a few hairs behind your ear

 ▻ when he looked back at your face, you noticed a surprising amount of emotions visibly battling in his eyes. he was usually very good at looking calm and composed, seeing you getting hurt must have really shaken him

▻ after a few seconds spent staring at you, akaashi couldn’t hold on any longer and threw his arms around your shoulders before heaving a sigh of relief. you were taken aback and it took you a few seconds to hug him back

▻ “you scared me a lot. really” he said, his voice muffled against your shoulder. “it just... everything went so fast”

▻ “i scared myself too” you chuckled “but hey, we’re lucky it’s just the ankle. the medic said i’ll be up and about in less than a month”

▻ he broke the hug rather abruptly and sat back on the floor. his cheeks were starting to blush as he cleared his throat, looking away from you :

▻ “you’re right. sorry, i got a bit overwhelmed”

▻ there he was, the akaashi you were used to. you caressed his arm and his eyes finally darted towards you. when he saw you were smiling, he loosened up and a grin started spreading on his face as well

▻ the next monday was your first day of school with your splint and crutches and akaashi was extremely protective of you, especially in the hallways where he feared someone might bump into you

▻ he was also very protective when bokuto was around. he knew his friend was kind of an oaf and you had stopped counting how many times akaashi had to pull him by the collar when he got too close

▻ “he’s like a bull in a china shop, so no, he’s not allowed to come closer than six feet” 

[dragon-ball-meta]

Yes, a Reddit post. I’m sure so many of you are shocked that our colossally bad take came from there, (and probably from Toyotaro’s burner account lol), but nevertheless, here it is. How to even begin to unpack this... Okay, here we go: 1. Goku’s was hardly the only one who didn’t want to stop Gero. Vegeta literally threatened to KILL anyone who DID try to stop them. Tien wanted to fight them to test his limits. Goku’s desire was to fight them, yes, hello, this is Goku, But he also refused to just find and straight-up kill Gero when he TECHNICALLY hadn’t done anything to warrant it yet. And, as we actually came to see, that’s not an entirely unwarranted stance; things changed between these two timelines even without direct intervention. Unlikely as it was, it was possible that Gero may not have gone through with it. There have been entire books and films on this topic.. 2. This stupid claim just refuses to die. At what point in any part of the fight with Goku and Cell was it even IMPLIED that Goku could have won? Goku stated he’d been going all-out in his fight with Cell, when the Cell Jrs arrived and started attacking, Goku was getting bodied even though they were only about as strong as Vegeta or Trunks, who were both far below him when at full power. Goku could not have beaten Cell. ONLY Gohan could. The boy even said that he’d thought Goku and Cell were both not fighting seriously because they looked to be moving slowly to him. Gohan was already stronger than Goku, before he ever turned SSJ2. Period. And for the love of GOD, STOP with this “severe emotional trauma” nonsense! Gohan had been watching people die, his friends no less, since he was FIVE. In fact, seeing that at FIVE is FAR more likely to have given him any severe and lasting emotional trauma. PICCOLO is more likely to have caused this than Goku. Yes, the Piccolo the OP even then tries to claim is the paragon of fatherhood. Gohan was already afraid of his own anger, he always had a dislike of fighting and hurting people. The thing that shook the boy the most was watching his dad die and knowing it was partly his fault. Even then, he grew up into a healthy, well-adjusted man with his dream job and a family. Just STOP pushing your headcanons onto him for two seconds! 3. THINKS he could have killed Buu. Opted to try to teach those still alive a technique that would enable THEM to kill Buu and keep protecting the Earth even after he was gone. Could have killed Vegeta, yes, and sent him to hell and left Bulma and Trunks broken-hearted. Instead opted to try to reason with him first and allow him to think he’d finally caught up to him so he’d stop obsessing over their power gap to the point of SELLING HIS SOUL TO AN EVIL WIZARD TO GET THE EDGE.. And now, for the completely asinine reasons Goku is eeeeevil: 1. You’re acting as if this isn’t just Goku. That is LITERALLY Goku. Always HAS been Goku. He treats EVERYNE as a peer and potential friend and ADORES the idea of trying to fight strong people. Note that he also ASKED for a spar, didn’t just “attack” or something. This also has nothing to do with a thirst for “power”, it has to do with Goku trying to test himself and push himself to be the greatest warrior it’s possible for him to be. This is the same mentality that had Goku excited for the Tenkaichi Budokai, that had him excited to face Vegeta, that had him spare Piccolo and Vegeta for the sake of  rematch against such a great opponent someday. This is not some sort of development that happened post-Namek, and it’s by no means Evil. Also, how tf did VEGETA supposedly warn him when Vegeta was back on Earth and nowhere to be found?  2. Again... this is just Goku. This is how he is. That doesn’t mean he didn’t care about the plight of others though; Goku doesn’t just sit back and ignore suffering he’s been made aware of, and he helps his friends. But yes, the idea of facing HIMSELF was exciting to him; possibly his ONLY chance to compare his progress to another “version” of himself.  And... I’m sorry, but Goku erupting into a fit of rage over his family’s murder is invalidated because he was mad it used HIS body? Really? NO KIDDING I’d be extra pissed if some psychopath took over my body and murdered my wife and little boy! Who WOULDN’T be pissed about that? The last thing his wife saw was her husband’s face grinning as he cut through her and their son. The last thing Goten saw was his daddy GLEEFULLY murdering him. The fact that he flew into the biggest rage he’d ever had since he first fought FREEZA over this shows how much that hurt him. The fact that you think it was entirely about the use of his body and not their deaths shows a piss-poor ability to analyze what you see on screen, ESPECIALLY as he was upset but mostly indifferent hearing how Zamasu stole his body UNTIL he told Goku he murdered his family too. THEN he flew into a rage. This is also going to invalidate an upcoming point, so pin this.

3. Aaaand... we’re right back to the Tournament of Power itself. The Tournament that literally no one foresaw as having those results. The one that as stated to actually buy one universe that was gonna be wiped anyways a fighting chance to survive, and later turned out to be a massive morality test to allow ALL of said universes to survive. Nevermind that though, this OP here asserts that Goku KNEW it would result in that, was TOLD it would even (he literally was not I am so sick of that claim), and didn’t even KNOW they COULD undo it and STILL wanted it! This is easily the most hardcore anti-Goku stance I have ever seen on this topic This isn’t just chiding him for being ignorant or not listening to warnings (again, not applicable), it’s accusing him of KNOWING Genocide would happen and actually WATING that in the name of a few fights.  This being his stance is further illustrated by his assertion that Goku is indisputably a sociopath. Let’s look at the definition of a sociopath, shall we? “A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.” This is not Goku. OBJECTIVELY not Goku. Goku is far from anti-social, and very much has a strong sense of right and wrong, hence his desire to intervene when he comes across people suffering. Hence why he sought justice for the murder of Upa’s father. Hence why he felt IMMEDIATE REGRET after hearing what the consequences would be for the losers of the ToP, and WHY HE FLEW INTO A RAGE OVER THE MURDER OF HIS WIFE AND SON. Goku is capable of sympathy, empathy, and grasps the concepts of right and wrong. A sociopath he is not. And, of course, the stupid assertion that Goku is a bad father and Piccolo and Vegeta are the REAL examples of fatherhood... which is also erasure of Gohan and Krillin, neither of whom assaulted their daughters, tossed them into the wilderness to fend for themselves, forced them to be fighters and face homicidal aliens at age 5,or nearly let them and their mothers fall to their deaths because they were too absorbed with finding and killing an enemy to prove their superiority. To cap it off, Vegeta and Piccolo have somehow inexplicably become the “symbols of hope” in the series, trying to stop an evil, unhinged Goku from annihilating them all, and he asserts that Vegeta became the REAL hero during... the Cell Saga? The arc where Vegeta literally helped Cell become perfect? And was the hero in the arc where he sold his soul to Babidi, helped resurrect Buu, AND murdered hundreds, if not thousands, of innocent people JUST to make Goku mad enough to fight him because he refused to? You know, the thing you actually used as a point of criticism for... GOKU, and are clearly abdicating Vegeta of any and all responsibility for?  Folks, I’ve seen some bad takes in my day, but it’s very, VERY rare to find one this unhinged and frankly inept in one place. This is nuclear levels of Bad Takes here. Just... wow. 

[lovelyirony]

Title: I wish i could forget you

Tony Stark was not supposed to be in the car when Howard and Maria Stark attended a Christmas holiday party for another company. In fact, Hydra had wanted him to stay home. 

Unfortunately, Tony had ticked off Howard a bit too much, and so here he was in a tuxedo that was a bit too big, uncomfortably shiny shoes, and a temper that was close to blowing. 

Thank god they were almost home. 

When a car crashes, one almost can’t believe it. Tony can see the outside blurring, and he can hear glass crunching, and he hears things that he really doesn’t want to hear. He is fairly sure that Maria screamed. 

A metal arm. 

Huh. 

Well, not the most typical. He also doesn’t think that the man knows he’s here. 

Howard and Maria Stark are killed. Tony feels like shit because he couldn’t do anything. His forehead is bleeding and he didn’t want to move out of fear for himself, which seems selfish, but also maybe a survival instinct? 

God, his bow-tie is still constricting air flow. 

Once the man turns, Tony realizes that he wasn’t the target. They probably had no idea he was in the car, whoever “they” were. 

He gets out of the car. The car door creaks, and the man whips around. 

His eyes widen. 

“You--what?” 

The voice is surprisingly American. 

Surprisingly? He’s not sure why it’s surprising, it’s not like an American can’t kill just look at history, but still, Kind of surprising. 

"What, wasn’t supposed to be here?” Tony rasps out. He realizes now that he’s basically sent himself a death sentence as the man surges forward. 

“What are you doing here?” 

His eyes are piercing. Also very, very familiar with some photographs that Peggy has on her mantle and her desk. 

James “Bucky” Barnes. Son of a bitch. 

“What are you doing alive?” Tony asks. “I thought you were lost in a ravine in Europe somewhere.” 

“What--huh?” 

“Ravine. In Europe. You know who you are, right? Is this some kind of sick...what did they do to you?” 

“I do not know what you are talking about.” 

His eyes get cold again. 

“Who are you?” 

“I am the Asset.” 

It is now that Tony realizes that every single shitty sci-fi book is probably right, and his disdain of “wacky science” and “magic” have all been for nothing, because here is Bucky Barnes, who apparently has no idea who he is. 

Then Tony gets knocked on his ass. His body slams against the icy road, and Barnes is rushing towards a motorcycle. 

And he’s alone. He can’t breathe, all the wind knocked out of his chest. He thinks he broke a couple of ribs. 

- 

No one believes him. At all. SHIELD brushes it aside. 

“There’s no way Barnes could be alive. You were probably just seeing things,” they tell him. “Would you like us to find you a therapist?” 

“No,” Tony says, and they ask why. He laughs, sipping on his water. “SHIELD has so much loyalty to itself, I’m afraid I’d be compromised.” 

“Therapists aren’t supposed to divulge any information,” Nick Fury adds carefully. “And we’re a secret-keeping bunch. Nothing goes out that comes in.” 

“Unless, of course, it’s necessary,” Tony drawls, staring at Fury. God, the leather outfit...that’s weird. “Then I’m out in the open, Nicky. And what fun is that unless I get to show off an outfit in full-coverage?” 

“...I’ll have an agent escort you home. We’ll have guards overnight.” 

“Don’t bother.” 

“And why is that? Think you can handle it by yourself?” 

“Fury, my family has made a career out of thinking a lot of things. You’re not being as detrimental as you think.” 

He finger-waves, grinning and winking at agents on the way out. 

- 

Now comes paranoia. This is welcome, actually, because it’s allowing him to work up new security measures and hack into various security cameras around the world to see if he can find Barnes. 

It’s like he’s a ghost. And fuck, maybe Fury was right. Tony doesn’t like that, but that may be it. 

Merry fucking Christmas. 

- 

Years go by, and Tony keeps a tiny ear to any news about mysterious deaths that can’t be explained. A man that glows in lamp-light, has no identity. He’s not sure if it could be Barnes. God knows he’s no longer seventeen, and Barnes--it if it was Barnes--would be way older. He should’ve been an old man in 1991, but he wasn’t. 

It kind of reminds him of the conspiracy theory that Walt Disney was kept cryogenically frozen, which is just ridiculous, because as far as he’s concerned, you’d need a bit more to you than just regular skin and bones. 

And this is where it hits him. 

Barnes was experimented on when he was captured by Hydra. Peggy told him that Rogers told her that he was repeating his dog tag number over and over, as if someone was trying to take him over. 

Yeah, you’d need a bit more. 

Like a fucking super soldier serum. 

- 

This then delves into Tony realizing that if Barnes is flash-frozen, then...well, could Rogers have survived? He always thought his dad was crazy, but a broken clock is right twice a week or however the hell that saying goes. He never used it, he wasn’t a broken clock. 

(He was broken, but he’s not going to compare himself to a clock. Perhaps  Model-T.) 

- 

They find Rogers. Tony realizes Howard did his math completely wrong for years, and probably never let anyone look at it because he was a World Super Genius. And a Colossal Dick. 

Steve Rogers is one tough cookie to crack. Tony chips off some of the ice and puts it in a glass of scotch. 

“Do you really think that’s the most appropriate thing to do?” Phil Coulson asks. 

He’s shocked, but mainly because Tony has seen his Cap collection, and that man has so many limited edition cards and lunchboxes that it’s a bit crazy. But at least he knows how to decorate with it and not have it look like an absolute nutjob swept into his house and did it all in red-white-and-blue. 

“Phil, my darling, when have I ever done anything the appropriate way?” Tony asks. He stares at the face that’s emerging out of the ice. “Besides, what else are you going to do with this ice, hm? Besides melt it all off?” 

Steve is a miracle. Every scientist on earth wants to poke and prod at him. 

Tony breaks him out of SHIELD in a week, because he swears to shit if one more scientist asks to take blood samples “to see how going under Arctic temperatures affects the bloodstream” (and also take DNA for cloning) he’s going to lose it. 

Fury yells at him for two hours. 

Steve flips Fury off from the couch, where he’s been channel-surfing for the better part of three hours. 

“You’ve already corrupted him,” Fury scowls. “Rogers, we need to talk--” 

“He’s retired,” Tony says. 

(Steve is not, technically. Hasn’t said anything. But Tony is putting him on mandatory retirement for at least a year.) 

“What’s...what the ever-loving fuck is that?” Steve asks. 

An infomercial. For an automated chair. Mostly used for old people. 

Tony grins. 

“You wanna see how fast I can launch you out of one?” 

“I’m going to say yes. Professionally.” 

Ten miles an hour, and Steve goes flying across the room into a pile of pillows. 

It’s not the end-all solution. God knows Steve calls him “Howard” and asks where a lot of nasty food is, and sometimes can’t tell the difference between what his brain is seeing and what is actually there. 

But Tony gets him help. And Steve goes to art school. 

It’s all very funny, actually. Steve rants about “modern art” and how “if he could kill any concept it would be abstract expressionism, what the fuck.” 

Tony buys and then donates a Rothko in his honor. 

Steve fumes, but finds it hilarious. 

Then, there’s the attack on New York. 

Norse god of mischief decides to end New York, blah blah blah. 

Captain America reappears, everyone loses their shit, and Tony almost dies. 

Then he gets four other roomies besides Steve, and he has to make a chore chart. Ugh. 

- 

Barnes reappears in France. Tony gets a fairly good image, and Natasha stills. 

“You know about Winter Soldier?” 

“Barnes? Yeah.” 

“You know who he is?” 

“James Barnes. At least, I think. He tried to kill me, wasn’t very successful at it.” 

Steve overhears. 

This leads to a chain of events that ends in Steve not coming to family dinner because he’d rather sit in his room and listen to Green Day or Glenn Miller or whatever the hell gets him even more upset. 

“Listen, Steve, I’m sorry. But up until this picture? I was only about sixty percent sure I wasn’t full of beans.” 

“Why is that the phrase you use?” 

“What, full of beans? Bruce says I have to work on my cursing. Apparently, children are impressionable. Who knew?” 

It’s not a total success. Steve still doesn’t like that Tony didn’t outright tell him, but Tony isn’t going to tell Steve that he has the mental stability of a single cashew. 

So begins the hunt for Barnes. Which actually isn’t too bad. 

He’s in DC. Not for any political clean-up, unfortunately. He’s trying to kill Fury. Tony doesn’t know why, at least until he looks up Pierce, who’s technically, mostly retired from SHIELD. 

And yet still uses most resources that technically? He needs more than one authorization from multiple people. 

God, people are getting bad at covering their tracks. Used to be harder to catch and see if someone was doing dirty deals. 

(Okay, not like he can talk because Obie was...well, no use in discussing that now. He needs to focus.) 

Nat and Steve are bad at lying. This kind of surprises him, because Steve is usually a successful liar. He’s convinced Clint that it’s not him who keeps eating his peanut-butter-fudge ice cream, but Thor. 

And Natasha used to be Natalie Rushman. Then again, Tony was poisoned during that one, so that might just be on him. 

-

Helicarriers go in the water. 

Tony’s working on making sure most of the information doesn’t reach the general public, although he can’t stop it all. 

Barnes falls off the face of the earth, and Steve wants to go on another treasure hunt. 

“Let him come to us, or figure himself out.” 

“This isn’t a college kid going backpacking in Europe for a year,” Nat snaps. “He’s...you know who he is, who he was, and what he can do.” 

“Counterpoint: we don’t know if he secretly really wanted to see traditional decoration of Ukrainian Easter eggs,” Tony says. “God knows that I want to learn more about that.” 

“Is everything a joke to you?” 

"Only on federally mandated holidays,” Tony says with a shrug. “But let him be. Steve, it’s one thing that he didn’t kill you. It’s another thing that he hauled you up from the Potomac. I’m not sure I would’ve done that because who goes up alone to a helicarrier?” 

“Historically nobody,” Natasha says. “Most people don’t have any helicarriers.” 

“God, this situation sucks,” Tony says. “What if. We potentially. Ignore all of it and have spinach and artichoke dip? Hm?” 

“With toasted bread?” 

“I’m not an animal, Steve.” 

“Your penchant for four a.m. coffee while you don’t realize you’re singing songs from the seventies says otherwise,” he responds. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t the punishment of you getting the aux taken away for a week,” Tony taunts. 

“Oh, come on!” Steve whines. 

“Nope, just you having to listen to more of Bruce’s questionable tastes.” 

“Fuck.” 

- 

Barnes comes stateside. The only reason Tony knows this is because Jarvis says that he may have spotted Barnes, but he’s not sure. 

“J, you’re the most advanced system in the world, not to mention my son, and you like to hack into the Pentagon for funsies.” 

“All of that could not have prepared me for this.” 

Barnes is wearing a neon green tank top that is advertising Coco Beach in Florida. 

“Can I laugh? Or is that sad?” 

“Multitask, Sir.” 

“Oh, true.” 

- 

Barnes is not in New York. Tony has to near-about put an electric fence around the whole state so that Steve doesn’t go on a road trip. 

Hell, Tony doesn’t even trust him to go to coffee alone, but that’s a bit much. 

“We have to wait,” Tony says. 

Sam Wilson is a godsend. Also the funniest man Tony knows. 

He is also emotionally healthy and very perceptive, so he has been noticing that Tony is nervous. 

Because how do you face the man who killed your parents? Technically? 

“Are you talking to your therapist?” Sam asks. “Just thinking you should.” 

“Sam, we’re working on my issues from 2007. Believe it or not, it will be taking a full year.” 

“I don’t like that I can never tell if you’re serious.” 

“I know you remember the tabloids from 2007, I wrote a mesh vest. Clearly, I need so much help.” 

Sam snorts. 

“Maybe. Hey, I’ll catch you later. Clint and I are gonna go try and find some questionable shirts to crop.” 

“Did his little protege convince you? Bishop, right?” 

“Kate, yeah. She’s convinced our public image will go viral or something. Good luck with helping Steve and Nat with your super-soldier hunt.” 

“Thanks. Let me know if you find a shirt with my face on it. I want it.” 

Sam snorts. 

“Will do.” 

- 

Bucky Barnes comes to New York in early May. The springtime is slowly but surely fading off, sun approaching more and more. Tony is enjoying coffee on a veranda, and then suddenly his waiter is nowhere to be found and he’s not entirely sure if his visitor takes credit or debit. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Maybe. Depends on if you’re gonna kill me or not.” 

“I think Steve would be a bit broken up about it.” 

“Do you care what he thinks?” 

“On this situation? Yes. When it comes to culinary choices? No.” 

There’s a ghost of a smile on his face. Tony’s trying extremely hard not to remember shattered glass and a motorcycle on ice. 

“Can we, uh, table this conversation? For later. Espresso and all that, plus the added bonus of our shared history, so...” 

“Shared history?” 

“You don’t remember?” Tony asks. Bucky shakes his head. “Ah. Then this is truly a comedy of errors. Maybe. Um. Listen, I, uh...I gotta go. You need to talk to Nat or Steve or hell, maybe even Thor. Is Thor a good option?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Barnes, I can’t exactly face you right now.” 

And then he jumps off a balcony. 

A fucking balcony. 

Jesus H. Christ, his therapist is gonna be so excited for their next session. 

The suit wraps itself around him, and he can finally breathe, and he’s thinking about calling Pepper and see if she would like to schedule him a vacation for maybe anywhere but New York and Iowa. 

“Why not Iowa?” Pepper asks. “They have good antique stores. I’ve gotten quite a few good finds for clothes.” 

“I can do shopping retail literally anywhere else, absolutely not.” 

“Spoilsport. Steve know you’re leaving?” 

“I didn’t even really tell Steve what happened with my parents.” 

“Oh, your therapist called. She sounded concerned, but also intrigued.” 

“It’s because Sally almost became an employee of NASA and still has a soft spot for aerodynamics.” 

“What exactly did you do when faced with Barnes?” 

“Check the front tabloid page tomorrow, just tell everyone I’m out of town.” 

“Got it. And Tony?” 

Her voice is soft. 

“Yes, dear?” 

He can feel her rolling her eyes. Affectionately, of course, but rolling all the same. 

“Be safe, and come back. You know Rhodey and I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” 

- 

A week is spent in Malibu. He really is thinking about selling this place. But for now, it suffices. 

Steve texts him. 

bucky’s back. holy shit 

be back in a week. radio silence. 

got it. no more messages from me. thor tells me to tell you that he broke the sink 

:(((( 

And that’s it. He’s sitting in the house for a week, has already called Sally once and explained how his suit works, and then listened to her talk about how “his reliance on the suit to help him escape unfavorable situations is not exactly the healthiest but also none of my clients have had to face someone who is of weird standing.” 

It’s no secret that Tony doesn’t like Howard Stark. Who would’ve liked that sorry excuse for a father, a man who was so cold-hearted the Arctic looked like a tropical paradise? 

Maria was...Maria was different. 

She wasn’t a good mother. No, she was never a good mother. But she tried, and she didn’t deserve her fate. 

And then there was the question of Bucky Barnes. Who wasn’t Bucky when he was there, but still so damn recognizable. 

It’s kind of like when there’s a movie about a famous person, and another person plays them. Like Tom Hanks, essentially. Bucky played whoever the fuck they get Tom Hanks to play and it’s similar: you see the resemblance, but it’s not it. 

So yeah. 

There’s also the little tidbit that things get complicated when you involve personal feelings and rationality, and really? Tony misses New York. A lot. And he’s not going to let someone else overtake his life just because he’s uncomfortable. 

So he flies back to New York. 

- 

He’s in a bad way, Barnes is. 

“He remembered you,” Steve says. “What he did.” 

“Ah, there’s that.” 

“He doesn’t have to be here,” Natasha says. “I have a couple of SHIELD safe houses to choose from.” 

“None would be adequate to house something like me,” comes the response. 

Barnes looks remarkably shitty, as if he hasn’t slept in eighty years. And maybe he hasn’t. 

“Jail would be more fitting.” 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

“You are literally the most dramatic person ever, and Bruce threatened to take over the government because Thor ate the last croissant. Put those on the grocery list, Steve

“We’re not gonna throw you in jail,” he continues on. “Not because you happened to be used as a goddamned Swiss army knife. I have issues, sure, but I’m not going to be going all Hannibal Lecter or whatever.” 

“Who the hell is that?” 

“Cannibal. I realized that that’s a terrible comparison, please forgive me.” 

“Why a cannibal?” 

“Couldn’t think of anything else but Anthony Hopkins, the actor. My mistake. Point is, we’re gonna have to go through some channels, and I’m introducing you to BARF, as well as a new person who’s gonna rock your world.” 

“I’m pretty much well-acquainted with vomit.” 

“No, not that,” Tony says. “Although we can cover that through my 2005 edition of partying if we really wanna dig up some old magazine interviews. No, I’m introducing you to something that’s going to change your life.” 

-

After that, Tony doesn’t have much to do with Bucky’s life. 

He serves as a permanent guilt trip, nothing says “well, shit” much like being a permanent guilt trip. 

Sally tells him that they should talk it out. Do all that “and how do you feel?” questioning that makes his skin crawl and his eyes ascend to the ceiling. 

I mean yeah, they share a living space. Tony has seen Bucky laugh and smile with Sam, talk with Bruce about a really interesting article about regeneration of plant cells or whatever, and Bucky enjoys videochatting with Wakandan royalty. 

(It also helps that Shuri is blunt as ever, but so blisteringly smart. He’s reading her paper on regeneration of nanotechnology, and it just...it’s the Pieta of research, that paper.) 

But he never speaks to Bucky. Well, he does. But it’s more along the lines of “hey Barnes” and “how are you?” which aren’t exactly the Most Thought Provoking Statements Ever Made. 

Summer comes swiftly, and about near with a vengeance. Tony’s dealing with a heat wave and trying to figure out if going outside is even worth it, and then he and Bucky are alone in the kitchen. 

Tony was debating getting a couple of popsicles from the freezer. Bucky is considering sabotaging Clint’s smoothie that was supposed to be special for tonight, but that he’ll most likely forget. 

“Hey,” Bucky says. “Um, can we talk?” 

Shit. 

He’s been avoiding this, officially, for a month. Potentially more if you’re going to count a few choice events that have been brought up by his psyche. 

“Sure thing, buttercup. What are we talking about. Economy, world crises, the great debate on financial advice?” 

“Isn’t the third thing just the economy?” 

“We can break it down over coffee.” 

“Mm, maybe another time. No, I’m talking about us. About how I--I kind of ruined your life.” 

Tony blinks. 

“You didn’t ruin my life. If my life was ruined you’d be hit with so many lawsuits that I could make the rest of your life look like the third circle of Hell, or wherever it is that people go nowadays in Dante’s eyes. No, you didn’t ruin my life.” 

“I still killed your parents.” 

“If you hadn’t, someone else would’ve. Believe me, there were about fifteen others in line. Sometimes, myself included.” 

“You can’t not take me seriously,” Bucky stresses. “I still did a terrible thing. I just want to make sure you know that you’re being too kind.” 

“I most certainly am not,” Tony says. “Being too kind would have me feeding you grapes.” 

Bucky’s face blanks. 

“Don’t. I...I don’t wanna take advantage of your hospitality. I don’t want to remind you of what happened.” 

“You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t wanted,” Tony says. “Believe me. And if you want to leave, you’re free to leave. I don’t want to make you feel like you need to stay here.” 

“I...I want to make it up to you.” 

“Then use BARF and review it,” Tony says. “I’m serious. I need user feedback, and you’re the best candidate for it. Also, please try to convince Steve to wear neon yellow. I just want to see if he’ll do it.” 

- 

Steve wears neon yellow. Tony laughs so hard he cries. 

Bucky smiles. 

It’s a nice smile, really. It’s wide and happy and wow. That’s all worth it. 

And then BARF. Bucky just gives user feedback, nothing else. Tony doesn’t want to know anything else, but they start talking more. 

Tony finds out that Bucky’s been doing crosswords to catch up on current events, and he’s bought taped recordings of World Series games. 

He loves antique stores. He visits them and brings home little trinkets that he remembers in his own house, or what he remembered. He watched old commercials from the fifties and sixties, laughed as he remembered the Sears catalogs that would come in the mail. 

“Me an’ my sisters would beg my mom for new clothes from the catalog, and she never would. Always sewed our pants and skirts so damn well, I probably could’ve used them for the next ten years.”  

Tony laughs. 

“Well, I can’t promise I can sew. But I could give you some armor that could last you twenty years, if you want. Steve told me you’re thinking about doing some distance missions.” 

“Just observation, no armor required.” 

“Sometimes it’s the simple missions that get the worst hits,” Tony says. “Believe me, I know how it goes. So, do you want some armor?” 

Bucky smiles. 

“Sure.” 

“I’ll need feedback.” 

“I’ll give it all I’ve got.” 

- 

Bucky is a goddamned dream to design for. He knows exactly what he needs, what areas are most likely to be pierced, and also has a flair for the dramatic: he requests an Iron Man helmet be embroidered on the back. 

“You’re really just trying to be sweet on me, aren’t you?” Tony teases. 

“My master plan to gain your fortune,” Bucky teases right back. “I’ll waste it all on champagne pools and the worst-looking but most expensive shoes I can find.” 

Tony laughs. 

“Sugar, that’d be incredible if you could spend all of my money on that. I’d commend you.” 

Bucky smiles, and it shouldn’t be as nice of a smile as it is, but here Tony is with his opinions and his concerning thought that maybe he wants to see more of Bucky. 

- 

In the morning, there begins a routine. Tony is always up at eight o’clock. It’s a rare lull in Avenger-morning-routines: Nat, Steve, and Bruce are all done, and Thor and Clint won’t be in until ten o’clock at the earliest. 

(What can he say? Thor’s a god and Clint...well. He needs a lot of beauty sleep.) 

Tony makes coffee, and Bucky makes them both breakfast. Says that officially, it’s to test and make sure that his prosthetic is still performing under optimal conditions. 

(They both know that’s not it.) 

Tony always says he pours too much water, makes enough for two cups. 

- 

Steve calls them out on it. 

“You two are being weird,” he says. “And not like Thor and Bruce trying to reenact that one show about ghosts and unsolved things.” 

“That’s their form of courtship, don’t be fucking rude,” Clint remarks. Natasha snorts. 

“What, us being weird?” Tony asks, pouring a bit more coffee into Bucky’s mug. He always uses too much creamer and then won’t finish his coffee unless there’s more. “Why do you say that?” 

“It’s because you both do couple shit,” Bruce says, breezing into the kitchen. “Also, Steve, lovely to see that you have volunteered to be the next guest on Avengers: Unsolved. We’re planning on using you as a guilt-trip in order to access files about aliens.” 

“Truth will be found!” Thor adds. “But also, yes. Bucky, I thought you were taking him on a date to the art museum on Saturday.” 

Bucky turns red. So does Tony. It really is quite inconvenient. 

“I mean, we could go on a date there,” Tony says. “If you’re okay with that.” 

“You’re doing this in public?” Natasha asks, eyebrows raised. “Hm. Would not have called that.” 

“You owe me fifteen dollars,” Bucky says. “Not you Tony, quit looking at me like that. Yes, it will be a date on Saturday, I’ll wear a nice shirt. Nat said that I couldn’t do anything that surprised her.” 

“Technically, Tony surprised me.” 

“I thought dates were mutual events, hm? Fifteen dollars. I���ll use it to buy the best bouquet in New York.” 

“The best bouquet costs over a thousand dollars,” Thor answers. 

“Not questioning how you know that, but I’m scared of you,” Bucky says. “Then I will get the best fifteen-dollar-bouquet in New York.” 

Tony snorts, smiling. 

“I guess I’ll spray a bit of my perfume on my pillow then, soldier.” 

“I’ll pick you up at noon sharp,” Bucky says, grinning. He finishes his coffee. “We’ll make fun of Steve’s art exhibit together.” 

[donttalkaboutmemes]

Dumbo (1941) Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 80+ sentence memes from the 1941 Disney movie Dumbo to use for your roleplaying needs!

1.      “Ever faithful, ever true, nothing stops him. He’ll get through.”

2.      “All aboard! Let’s go!”

3.      “Let me see. Must be right around here somewhere. I hope.”

4.      “Well, little fella, let’s get going.”

5.      “Which one of you ladies is expecting?”

6.      “Here is a baby with eyes of blue, straight from heaven right to you.”

7.      “Straight from heaven up above, here is a baby for you to love.”

8.      “One moment, please. This is still part of the service.”

9.      “I’m on pins and needles! I’m all aflutter!”

10.   “This is a proud, proud day.”

11.   “Oh, he is a darling little angel!”

12.   “Did you ever see anything so cunning?”

13.   “Just look at those e-a-r-s.”

14.   “I just said that they’re funny! They are funny!”

15.   “I think I can. I think I can.”

16.   “I thought I could. I thought I could.”

17.   “Step right up and get your tickets.”

18.   “Ain’t that the funniest thing you ever saw? Look at his ears!”

19.   “Well, personally, I think she went too far.”

20.   “One mustn’t forget one is a lady.”

21.   “Well, I suppose that’s mother love.”

22.   “Mother love might cover a multitude of sins.”

23.   “Hm! A guy can’t eat in peace.”

24.   “I heard today that they have put her in solitary confinement.”

25.   “Well, I must say I can’t blame her for anything.”

26.   “It’s all the fault of that little f-r-e-a-k.”

27.   “What’s the matter with his ears? I don’t see nothing wrong with ‘em. I think they’re cute.”

28.   “Ladies, ladies, it’s no laughing matter at all.”

29.   “His disgrace is our own shame.”

30.   “Pretend you don’t see him.”

31.   “How do you like that, givin’ him the cold shoulder.”

32.   “There he goes without a friend in the world. Nobody to turn to.”

33.   “So you like to pick on little guys, huh? Well, why don’t you pick on me!”

34.   “Boy! Wait til I tell the little guy!”

35.   “You’re not really afraid of little me, are you?”

36.   “I must have overdid it in there. Don’t know my own strength sometimes.”

37.   “Too bad you don’t trust me.”

38.   “You know, your ma ain’t crazy. She’s just brokenhearted.”

39.   “I think your ears are beautiful.”

40.   “You know, lots of people with big ears are famous.”

41.   “All we gotta do is build an act. Make you a star, a headliner.”

42.   “We gotta get an idea. Not just any idea, something colossal.”

43.   “Maybe it comes to me in a vision while I dream.”

44.   “I’ll be back in a minute. I’m gonna take care of your future.”

45.   “I am the voice of your subconscious mind, your imagination.”

46.   “To hear him talk, you’d think he was going to do it.”

47.   “You have now seen the impossible right in front of your faces.”

48.   “What’s the matter with you? That’s your cue!”

49.   “Out of my way, assassin!”

50.   “I never thought I’d live to see the big top fall.”

51.   “Because of him I can never show my face there again.”

52.   “I’d just like to spank the daylights out of him.”

53.   “That won’t be necessary, dearie. They fixed him good.”

54.   “Let us take the solemn vow.”

55.   “Boy, oh boy, did we wow them out there!”

56.   “What an act is right! Stupendous I call it!”

57.   “See, they’re drinking a toast to ya!”

58.   “You ought to be proud! You’re a success!”

59.   “Be careful. You’ll hurt the little guy.”

60.   “I know how you feel, but you have to pull yourself together.”

61.   “What would your mother think of you if she saw you crying like this?”

62.   “What’s crying get you, anyhow? Nothing but the hiccups.”

63.   “Ain’t nothing a little water wont’ cure.”

64.   “We may have had a lot of hard luck up until now, but you and me is gonna do big things together.”

65.   “Why you’re mother’s gonna be so proud of ya! I’m gonna be so proud of you, too.”

66.   “What kind of water is this, anyhow?”

67.   “My, my. Why this is most irregular.”

68.   “Dead people don’t snore…do they?”

69.   “Fly up a tree where you belong.”

70.   “I ain’t your brother and I ain’t a rat.”

71.   “Don’t look now but I think we’re up in a tree.”

72.   “Boy, am I stupid! Why didn’t I think of this before!”

73.   “The very things that hold you down are gonna carry you up and up and up!”

74.   “You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you picking on a poor little orphan like him.”

75.   “Suppose you were torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at night.”

76.   “How would you like to be left and alone in a cold, cruel, heartless world?”

77.   “Just because he’s got those big ears they call him a freak.”

78.   “Socially he’s washed up.”

79.   “What’s the use of talking to you cold-hearted birds?”

80.   “Go ahead, have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down.”

81.   “Don’t go away feeling like that. We done seen the light.”

82.   “You gotta use a lotta cology. You know, psychology.”

83.   “Them city folks are sure in for a surprise!”

84.   “Look at that house. You’re standing on the threshold of success.”

85.   “You’re making history!”

86.   “I wish I’d have got his autograph.”