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why-the-heck-not · 8 months

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26.01.24, friday

duolingo french streak day 21

4h of writing an essay abt my thesis topic aka I’m elbow deep in articles about brains even tho I study computer science (I love it tho: finally get read abt neuroscience and actually have it not be ”just for fun” (my 16-year-old self who was 100% set on becoming a neurosurgeon/scientist is thrilled currently))

grocery store

#i’m afraid I’m gonna lean too much into the neuroscience of things instead of the cybersecurity & computer aspect #tho I’m sure someone’s gonna go ’’hey u know u’re studying computer science right?’’ if I do so might be worrying for nothing #and like obv I’m gonna have to explain how BCI functions if I’m gonna talk abt its cybersecurity issues #and for that I’ll have to touch on neurons & brain waves & signals etc.#feeling very good abt this topic tho #like I’m having difficulty going to sleep now bc would want to keep reading abt it #(or bc I’ve been drinking coffee too late in the evening)#I just started doing things way too late today hence not much time spent on this today #but hoping tmrw’ll be more productive #bc today was supposed to be like hella productive but alas #today’s productive(ish) things #january 2024 #2024

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faaun · 1 month

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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buffyspeak · 8 months

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aria montgomery deserved better 2kforever like. in these first two seasons, her relationship with ezra is hard to watch (in more ways than one! i sometimes find myself rooting for them not to get caught, largely because i like and have sympathy for aria but also because the actors do genuinely have good chemistry. but then i remember how fucked up it is! that’s why the romanticization of this relationship was so dangerous!) - anyway. it was hard to watch and messy but she also had like. other things in her story that at least made her feel like a more fleshed out character. and i always see people saying things about how she’s not as kind as she acts like but she literally shows so much empathy to. most people. and her role as a psuedo caretaker/fixer in her family is so nuanced and interesting and informs a lot of how she interacts with ezra (she feels like she’s been forced into a more adult role, so she courts this adult ‘romance’. ugh.) and it legitimately could have been a nuanced and interesting story about family dynamics and the pressure on teenage girls in their roles in family and how that can be connected to grooming if it had been written that way but!!!!

anyway her story just becomes more and more entangled with Only Being About Ezra from what i remember. which is one of the reasons people kept theorizing about her being A but. i just see it as isolation (not total, she is obviously still very close with her friends, but there is a sort of disconnect.) and then they get MARRIED????? she deserved better for real.

#pretty little liars #aria montgomery #she is legitimately such a kind person #like. i know the WHOLE dynamiv witg jenna is complicated and the lying wasn’t great #but trying to tell her how her pottery looked in an emotional moment?#picking glass out of emily’s hair?#snarking on those sports guys when they were making fun of hanna at lucky leon’s #promising she’s not mad at spencer and giving her the worlds softest hug?#i love her!#she deserved to write and take photos and drink coffee and get a loving partner and not end up with her groomer!!!!#even it was like. s4 when they broke up bc of the book reveal #and stayed broken up #that still would have been better than nothing #anti ezra fitz #anti ezria #grooming mention //#ask to tag //#also her family did not deal with it the right way at all #i understand they were Concerned - as they should have been!#but i always see their s2 hailed as like. the appropriate reaction #but they literally treat her like a criminal like she is just as bad as him #they are more focused on being angry than protecting her especially byron #i just. ugh.#(okay that’s an oversimplification. they are trying to protect her. but the WAY they are doing it is driving her right back into their arms)

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sherlock-is-ace · 6 days

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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it #but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it #it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings #that's so not what i'm saying #but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit #so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma #and it's 1am right now #and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously #and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible #i'm obviously sad and worried #yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening #and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse #or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad #that would be rubbing it in her face #so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words #mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere #idk #angel talks #personal

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wingsofhcpe · 8 months

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pros of watching bly manor: beautifully written story, sapphic action, made me Feel Things

cons of watching bly manor: I am now filled with terrible anxiety and fear over losing those i love most (more of that fear/andiety than usual, anyway)

#i. haha. im Not okay right now. especially not bc my mother is travelling in a few days for her work and it just. scares me so much #along with a nightmare i had yesterday. but then again i have nightmares like that almost literally every night.#guess it just doesn't help i finished this show today of all days. also ive been drinking a bit of coffee to get through exam season & that-#-makes anxiety and jitters worse so #the haunting of bly manor #gotta say tho. watching this show would have helped IMMENSELY if I'd watched it when my grandpa was in the hospital & after he passed #dealing with loss and grief and all that.#mike flannagan really has a way with it ig

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hella1975 · 1 year

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doing a walk of shame through the kitchen while my flatmate looks at me like 🤨 bc i did the TINIEST clothes wash the other day and she bollocked me bc she was like ‘you could at least bulk it up by washing your sheets’ but i was insistent i wasn’t gonna wash them for the sake of it and they didn’t need doing. only went and spilled coffee on them today and had to do another wash for them. she was so smug watching me load up the machine i think i should just be point blank forbidden from having hot drinks in my room. like a child

#she wasn’t acc fuming bc she knows out of all of us I’m the most neurotic about the bills #and she’s the spoilt flatmate that’s very laid back about it #but it’s BECAUSE of that dynamic that she was so smug she was acting like I’d fallen from grace #and SHES RIGHT #but also our energy package accounts for four people and we haven’t had four people in this flat for literal months #eternally hilarious that my bitch of a flatmate’s attempt to row with us not only ended so badly for her that she cried and kicked us #out of her room but now we don’t have to see her (major W) AND she still pays rent for somewhere she is actively not living #AND we get her share of the bills to do our own laundry and dishes etc #like we absolutely won in this scenario there’s no way she can play this off in a cool way it’s genuinely mortifying for her #hella goes to uni #also I spilled coffee everywhere NOT because I was trying to drink lying down I would never do that that’s so silly #but bc i swallowed it wrong and literally spat it out everywhere. 😐#the way I just sat there for a second like what… the fuck just happened

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harmcityherald · 3 months

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fresh morning coffee

#gardening #flowers #ivy #spider plant #morning glory #daisies #im so glad i am free of the rat race #as everyone rushes to work i drink coffee and tend my garden #its all i need #someone once said if you have a library a garden and a toilet what else is there?#measured by that I am quite the success #I am never too blinded to know my own privilege #how lucky I am to have a home a library and a garden #I am very lucky indeed #and I never ceased to remind myself of it #in one way that makes it all the more poignant #I wish I could give the peace that I feel in my heart to the world #but I'm quite afraid that the world will not stop and listen #this I do from my grandchildren #and great great grandchildren I will never meet #I hope in 100 years one of our descendants is gardening right here #and posting on their Tumblr about the ghostly old man who used to grow radishes in laundry bins #what a world what a world #peony #the tiny pink one i always forget the name peony #peonies

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izupie · 2 years

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It really bothers me to see fanfiction writers discussing how to/how not to write certain characters. because I'm like, my dudes. we are on tumblr dot com. we are writing stories about our favourite characters like they're dolls in the dollhouses of our mind.

you can't be sitting there on some kind of fanfiction high horse preaching out that everyone "can't" write this certain character in the way you've decided that you, personally, don't like.

i don't care how many hits your fics have got - like that makes you valid?

filter out the tags you don't enjoy on ao3 by all means, but you can't turn around and say that the way you dislike them being written is 'wrong' - that's your opinion and that's great but it doesn't affect how someone else writes them.

who are you that your opinion matters more? who are you to be the judge and jury on what is in or out of character when you didn't even create them in the first place? sound confident and condescending all you want, doesn't make your opinion any more or less valid than any other fan in the fandom.

Write characters any way you want to. fanfiction is supposed to be fun. if another fan tries to police you about the way you've portrayed a certain character tell them that you hope their toast always burns. and that they need a new hobby.

#i saw a bunch of fans discussing the 'correct' way to write a character and it makes me. so. mad.#advice on how to write a character is fine! it's welcome! it's great to discuss!#but to say that there is a right and wrong way to depict a character really raises my hackles #for context there's a bunch of fans who have high view counts on their fics and they're preaching out this garbage #of how to write [character]#and they're doing it to these fans who are drinking up their opinions because they're the 'cool popular writers'#and they're not at all saying that all of this is their opinion - that they are welcome to write this character whoever they want #they're saying 'writing this character any other way is wrong'#THIS is their personality and THIS is the way they speak #because they've got lots of hits and these are the things they like to see in the fics they write and read #so who's going to disagree with them??#i think this is the most tags I've ever written #ANYWAY - WRITE CHARACTERS IN FANFICTION HOWEVER TF YOU WANT #DO IT! MAKE THEM WILDLY OUT OF CHARACTER! PUT THEM IN A COFFEE SHOP! MAFIA AU! GENDER SWAP!#doesn't matter because it's fanfiction and you can do what you want to with your blorbo dolls #izu says stuff #izu rants in the tags #fanfiction #ao3

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gamora-borealis · 8 months

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had coffee and adderall and a stomach acid reducer that makes my adderall hit differently as a side effect and boy am I frickin' zazzed rn

#i used to drink coffee with adderall to get right to the sweet spot I needed of stimulants #but since I started taking this prescription acid reducer for chronic lpr coffee and adderall make me go wild #but at least not in a jittery way just a 'okay I'm talking and hyperfixating more than normal and yet I feel very lucid' it's so weird #personal

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zappedbyzabka · 5 months

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*Somehow holding myself up by the collar to a crowd* if this bitch doesn’t answer an ask within the next month or two, throw her off a cliff

#Im so sorry yall. idk whats up with me. i think a lot of it is stress and business but Ive been neglecting my tumblr babies and im soooorry #because I genuinely genuinely looooooove all the goodies yall have sent me #So Ima drink as much coffee as I need to to edit these incomprehensible answers and serve you a dish #I know Ive said that before but every time it was right before bed when I had bo way of knowing whether I actually would be able to bc #your girl is quite silly (dumb <3)

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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 1 year

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#the anxiety is anxietying #remind me never to drink more than one cup of coffee #my heart is deadass racing lol #and i am ✨️thinking ✨️#i impulsively sent my parents a message about a gap year so fingers crossed I'm not disowned when i wake up lol #i just can't do another year of university right now #i have been running on empty for two years now #i need a break or i will lose it #but part of me is like another gap year dog really #i know there's no such thing as actually being behind in life but it feels that way #at this rate I'll only get a full-time job at 26/27 #anyways I'm just spiralling don't mind me haha #also i know falling behind isn't real and much of that notion is capitalist propaganda but sometimes i can't help but feel that way

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etchedstars · 1 year

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favorite thing ever is to go on goodreads and search up the names of books i hate to see if Everyone Else has the same opinion on it

#they usually do #this is about a lesson in vengeance which i read on the way back from my writing program and hated with a passion #today on i hate pretentious mcs who have literally every privilege and treat poc/enby ppl to further their own growth #also ik this is dark academia but literally why the fuck do they drink hard alcohol so much #when its not alcohol its black coffee like ok. what the fuck #i love complex characters but they were both pretentious -> traumatized -> manipulative -> hatred just switching up the order #then theres . 'my dormmate wants to be skinny soooo bad she does everything to be skinny well IM skinnier than her and she wants to be me'#'my doormmate is black and has been ostracized from her sorority cult for having a personality :((( well IM white and i was ostracized for #KILLING MY GIRLFRIEND'#like there is a clear difference. plus that character was only ever there to further the mcs understanding of race which . bffr #this couldve been fine if it wasnt for the mc who is The pretentious dark academic white girl trying to pretend shes not like the other #pretentious dark academic white girls #'and then theres me. who like REAL literature and wears tweed blazers' like youre aware this is literally the starter pack for every 13 y.o #person who thinks this will make them Cool right . like you do know that .#wow. anyways #the overdue asteroid strikes again #i am in fact a hater

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silouvertongues · 6 months

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god i genuinely hate celebrities there's nooo way he hasn't seen a single thing about starbucks and mcdonalds both i feel sick

#didnt say anything last time bc ok maybe theres a chance he didnt know but theres absolutely no way now bc people flooded his mentions back #its just so stupid to do this right after he waxes poetic about how important fans are to him #maybe you can even argue that him not drinking coffee or not eating a burger wont stop a genocide but its about solidarity #its about being a decent enough person to come out of your privileged bubble and be considerate of whats happening around the world #man of the people my ass im so mad like fuck you and your stupid fucking anarchy tattoo #like ok maybe someone from his team grabbed it for him but i refuse to believe he doesnt know a single thing about the boycott #he couldve left it and grabbed another coffee its $7 he wouldnt have died #im so annoyed ive been feeling annoyed at him since january and now this #refuses to say a word about it and then publicly shows up in the two biggest boycotted places are you joking #<- i wasnt even that iffy abiut him not saying anything i hate the idea of celebrities speaking out after we have to beg them #bc it just feels insincere at that point #but these two instance After his silence are so annoying god

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calamitys-child · 2 years

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God a cute guy I met the other day asked me for a coffee and I feel like I'm Dying about it. I'm too aspec too neurodivergent and too damn out of practice. How do you tell the intent behind a coffee. Is it somehow unforgivably socially taboo to be like man I don't know how to even decide what my intent is get back to me in 3 months to twelve years and maybe my demi ass will have an opinion. How fucking quickly is it normal to form that opinion. Is it horrible of me to open with "im probably definitely aspec" or is it horrible of me to keep that quiet. Is it literally to talk about werewolves or is that somehow a euphemism. Is it shitty of me to be overthinking any of it this much. Is anyone expected to have answers to any of this. Can someone just take me out back and put me out of my misery.

#someone flirts with me WAHOO HELL YEA I LOVE FLIRTING #someone tries to in any way follow up on that flirting for more than twenty minutes: i have a tummy ache i have to leave right now #but they DO seem nice and i DO if nothing else love talking about werewolves and drinking coffee #so it probably will not kill me #but also. i hav a tummy ache right now #maybe i can in fact lead a perfectly fulfilled life just intermittently crushing on any friends ive had for over a year #then deciding against that bc i cant do romance actually and instead adopt several pets to fill the hugs void #and occasionally suck my pals off if im bored #maybe that actually is the best way to go about this #maybe i should run far away from any suggestion of dating forever and ever and lie in the sea (my wife) instead #i quite like being chaotically single and i do sincerely love all my friends so very deeply #none of the above suggestion is dismissive thats how ive been doing it and maybe i should just #not try to do anything else like . this wasn't Bad

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crimsonblackrose · 9 months

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Well my last mini boss left for a different job while I was out on vacation and my main boss is on extended sick leave so I came in with 0 information on our changes or what was going on. I'm still not 100% certain and I'm also fairly certain the person covering for my boss wasn't told my vacation days so probably isn't/wasn't aware I was coming back today. So what I'm doing is super tedious, which is painstakingly comparing what has been done to what is marked needs to be done and slowly making changes based off of it. It's taking forever.

#mumblings about work #i swear I can always tell that a boss is on their way out #they stop helping and talking to me #so if I reach out to them and are like hey this is an issue they brush me off and tell me to ask someone else #our staff is so tiny now because my last intern also quit right before I went on vacation #I also think I drank too much coffee this morning because after 2 weeks of tromping around in the rain #drinking a glass of coffee and sitting in front of my computer is just painful #I feel like I missed so much but there's no one to reach out to and ask what all I missed who actually knows #so I spent most of my morning reaching out to multiple people and getting pieces of what I missed but nothing concrete #it also seems like everything we were doing got changed again

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guccigarantine · 1 year

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i keep forgetting i drank a coffee really quickly and every few minutes im asking myself why i feel like im being hunted for sport

#it was a canned dairy free coffee that was very yummy #I don’t drink caffeine and I drank this way too fast #me visibly vibrating: im so fucking scared right now

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