#this is. much longer than i planned but here you go

[milla-frenchy]

In the cold night

3k1 | Joel Miller x fem reader | ao3 | Masterlist

Summary: being on patrol, Joel and you spend the cold winter night together in a small house

Warnings: 18+ mdni. mention of a past SA attempt (not by Joel), protective!joel, feral!joel saving reader, friends to lovers, one bed, soft!joel, praise kink, masturbation (f), thighs rubbing, oral (f), piv. No age specified

a/n: this is written for @justagalwhowrites 's “Joel Miller birthday celebration”. I chose Jackson!Joel/one bed- Thank you for this event 🙏 Thank you @arcanefox207 for the gif in the mood board ❤️ Please, check out the full gif here and some others, they are stunning 😍 Thank you, Ally 🙏❤️ @aurorawritestoescape thank you as always for beta-ing, baby 💕🫶 dividers @saradika-graphics 🙏

The crunch of your footsteps in the snow echoes in your head. Two rabbits are hanging from Joel’s back, clinging to his shoulder. His brown jacket has lost its shine long, long time ago, and the leather is frayed at the elbows and sleeves. Every time you pass him, the smell of old leather rushes into your nostrils. A reassuring, familiar scent.

You’re heading to an outpost, as you have done so many times before. You know each other's reflexes by heart, the way your bodies tense in case of danger, the glances that make speech useless. You no longer count the number of infected you have killed during patrols.

You look around a small wooden house. Searching for footprints, anything that might put you on alert. You scan the area, whether for infected, or worse- hunters or raiders.

You feel safe with Joel, ever since the day he snatched you from the hands of raiders. Two dirty, skinny men. They surprised you, during one of your first long patrols. They knocked Joel out, and dragged you on an old mattress of the shelter you just arrived at. They did not even pay attention to the dead duck that you planned to eat that evening. In this world, with some men, food is not the first thing they crave. 

You punched one of them, then tried to grab your knife, but two men were too much to handle. When they threw you onto the mattress, you struggled, screaming, biting, then one held your arms while the other removed your pants. Tears obstructed your view. You would have preferred to be bitten by an infected, rather than that. 

Just as the first man was about to lie down between your thighs while you were crying with rage, you heard a dull, cold, unexpected noise. A knife thrown from the opposite side of the room, just stuck in the skull of the man, holding your arms. As soon Joel threw the knife, he rushed to rip the man off your body, and then punched him so many times that his face got swollen from the blows and turned unrecognizable.

“Piece o’shit!” Joel growled from the depths of his chest. You looked at him, still half in shock at what had almost happened to you, feeling relieved. The man was lying on the ground, barely breathing. Joel let go of his collar and retrieved the knife from the second man’s skull. He pressed the tip of the blade against his heart and slowly pushed it in, his dark gaze fixed on the man’s. The raider’s feet twitched for a few moments, before they froze for eternity.

Then Joel rushed over to you and covered you with an old blanket pulled from the foot of the bed. As soon as he sat down on the mattress, his worried eyes fixed on you, you wrapped your arms around his waist. Wanting to forget your fear, to curl up against his reassuring presence. He took you in his arms, rocking you slowly, holding you close to him.

“ ‘m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear them coming, because of my damn bad ear.”

“It’s ok, Joel, it’s ok. They didn’t do anything to me,” you muffled in his chest.

“No it’s not. They did way too much. But I got you, now. I got you. Won’t happen again. Not on my watch.”

He held you against him for several minutes, patiently, one hand caressing your back, the other resting on the nape of your neck, until you stopped crying. He then asked if you were feeling a little better, if he could get the bodies out of the outpost. He didn’t want you to see them anymore. You nodded, watched him as he dragged the bodies out into the surrounding woods. 

He was sitting next to you until you fell asleep. He stood guard all night, staring at the shadows of the trees through the window, letting you rest.

From that day on, you knew that nothing would happen to you as long as you were with Joel. He was the type of man who, when he said something, stuck to it. He was reliable, loyal, and serious. He was your patrol partner, and you couldn't have asked for a better one.

Once you reach the shelter, you prepare the fire in the hearth of the old fireplace, while Joel goes around this old house, half buried under the snow. It is the first time that you patrol here in the middle of winter, and the walls and the ground are icy. You eat one of the rabbits, trying in vain to warm yourself by the fire. As you get ready to go to bed, Joel puts a blanket on the floor.

“What are you doing, Joel? You can't sleep there. You're gonna freeze and die, it’s too cold!”

“There's only one bed, sweetheart. Ain't gonna sleep with you.”

“Of course you're gonna sleep with me. Come on, Joel, don't be silly. We can share the bed, we have to keep each other warm or the next patrol will find our two skeletons in this damn house.”

“Jesus, you’re so stubborn! Alright then.”

You smile, thinking that you had never met someone as stubborn as him, and if he hadn't noticed your slightly blue lips, he probably wouldn't have changed his mind.

You undress and slip under the thin blankets, wearing your t-shirt and panties. Grimacing at the contact with the cold and damp covers. He joins you in the small bed, and even though warmth radiates from his body, your teeth still chatter.

“Christ, you're freezing. C’mere, I’ll keep you warm,” he says, as you take off your t-shirt and he discards his too, leaving only his boxers.

“Told you we had to sleep in the same damn bed… and I'm the stubborn one?”

He chuckles, and takes you in his arms, his chest pressed against your back.

“Better, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, you’re as warm as a boiler. How is that possible? Icicles are practically falling off these blankets.”

��Alright, you’re exaggerating a bit, don’t you think?”

You scoff and muffle a laugh, then fall asleep.

You wake up during the night, Joel's light snoring in your ear. His arms are still around you and you're much less cold. His scent surrounds you. You shift slightly, putting the blanket that had slipped back on both of you. The movement makes him mumble in his sleep and you smile, getting ready to fall back asleep, until you feel him twitch against you. His cock, asleep until then, has just woken up in his boxers when your ass brushed against it.

You open your eyes suddenly. It’s been a long time since you felt a body- a hard cock - against you. You try to move away from him a little, to not wake him up, to not create awkwardness between you. But he holds you tighter against him, letting out a sigh of contentment when his cock finds its place against your ass again.

You get a rush of arousal and you're not sure if you'll be able to fall back asleep. Your walls are contracting painfully, calling for a release of the pressure from your crotch. You close your eyes, placing your hand under the pillow. Trying to think of something else, until his cock jerks again. Once, twice. There’s no way you’re gonna be able to fall back asleep. 

So you think that maybe, if you do it discreetly, you can make yourself come. Even though he's lying against you, his chest against your back.

You slide your hand south, slowly, so as not to wake him, and start brushing your swollen folds through your panties. But it's not enough. You slide your hand under the hem, finally whirling your clit under your finger. Joel growls against your ear and you freeze for a few moments, until his breathing becomes calm, steady. Gently, you stroke yourself, finally starting to feel the fire in your crotch calm down a little.

You vaguely feel his nose brush your hair, not paying much attention to it, thinking he does it in his sleep. Then you feel his hand slowly slide down your arm, and you jerk, hastily removing your fingers from your panties, realizing that Joel is awake and that he has caught you.

“It’s ok, sweetheart,” he whispers softly in your ear in his sleepy voice, taking your hand and gently bringing it back to your pussy.

You feel the heat reach your cheeks and think about getting up, but you're too ashamed to face him. There had never been any sexual tension between the two of you. You're what you could call friends, in this lost world. You trust each other, he told you about Sarah, you told him about your late husband and son. You trust each other, and honestly, you never thought about him as more than a friend. And you don't want to ruin your friendship.

“I just want you to feel good.”

You stay silent for a few moments. Thinking about what he's telling you. You know he's sincere. 

You feel your clit pulsing and you bite your lip.

“Ok, Joel,” you breathe out. 

You're unsure of what will happen between the two of you after, but you let him lead your hand and slide your fingers under your soaked panties. You're already moaning at the first touch and you feel your nipples hardening. 

Delicately, the tips of his fingers pressed against yours, you let him lead the dance and travel through your folds. Then he slides both your hands into your panties, and makes you touch yourself so delicately, as if you were the most fragile thing in the world, that new moans escape you.

“Keep going, Joel, please…”

He hums, grazing your ear with his nose. You hear his breathing deepen, then he presses his forehead against your shoulder blade, still using your finger to brush your clit. You feel your pussy dripping. The fact that he is using your fingers, so perfectly, is perhaps the most sensual thing you have ever done.

You feel his cock stuck in his boxers harden even more as he keeps touching you. You crave to feel him against you, without any fabric between your bodies. You forget your shyness, your reserve, your worries.

“Would you… pull down your boxers? So I can feel you?*

“Of course, sweetheart.” He lets go of your hand to pull down his underwear. His hard cock springs out and this time you feel it fully against you. Big, hard.

“Between my thighs, please…”

He kisses your back and grabs his cock, slides it into this tight space, then comes to rest against your fingers again, in your panties. You slowly move your pelvis back and forth, rubbing yourself against his shaft.

“Christ, sweetheart… Feeling you against me, like that…”

“I know, Joel. It’s… good, really good.”

You no longer remember your fear that this will change things between you. The feeling is too good, too powerful, to think about anything else.

His shaft slides easily between your thighs, your pussy soaking him continuously.

“You’re so wet for me, baby”, he whispers in your ear, and a new flow trickles from your walls. His free hand caresses your shoulder, then he kisses it. You feel his mustache brush your skin, and your moans fill the room.

“You’re gonna come for me, sweetheart?”

“Fuck… fuck yeah, I'm gonna come, Joel.”

He keeps playing with your fingers with the same rhythm, feeling that you are close. Your mind goes blank. You only think about the pressure growing inside you, ready to explode.

“Come on baby, be a good girl for me,” he murmurs.

The orgasm washes over you, and you arch your back under its power, your ass pressed against Joel’s crotch. “Always such a good girl for me,” he praises, holding you against him, your hand in his, until your jerks stop.

Your breathing slowly goes down. “Damn”, you say. “That was so hot.”

“It was,” he smiles, kissing your shoulder. He doesn't ask for more, doesn't put any pressure on you, but you need more. You need your bodies to be one. You don't think too much about it, then add quickly, “Joel… I need to…” before shyness overwhelms you again, and he asks softly “tell me, baby. What do you need?”

The soft tone of his voice reassures you, and you add “I need to feel you… I need to feel you inside me.”

“Turn around, sweetheart. Lemme look at you.”

You do as he says, and face him. You barely see his face in the darkness of the night. Just enough to perceive the intensity in his gaze, behind his usual sweetness with you, as he strokes your cheek gently with his thumb.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nod, of course. Ready to take whatever he wants to give you. His warm lips land on yours and press against them. You hear him take a deep breath, then his nose rubs yours. He kisses you again, with more intensity, and sensations you thought forgotten forever jostle throughout your whole being. His tongue tastes your lips, then slides between them and finds yours. He moans as your hand grabs his shaft softly, wet with his precum and your desire. You jerk him off slowly as you continue to make out. He's big. So big. But you don't wonder if your body can accept it, after all this time. You know it will. And you know Joel will be soft. You nestle his cock at your entrance after pushing your panties aside, murmuring “I wanna feel you,” your forehead against his.

You tilt your pelvis forward and his tip slides inside you, making you hold your breath for a few moments.

“You’re ok?”

“Yeah. I just have to… get used to it.” 

He doesn’t move and lets you handle the rhythm. You kiss him again, and you feel your pussy dripping, eager to be filled. You put your hand on the back of his neck and squeeze his bicep with the other, sliding further down his shaft. Your walls spread as you glide on his tip and again, you feel that forgotten feeling. Your breasts are pressed against his chest, nipples tense. Your hand runs through his neck, and you feel his prominent veins under your fingers. 

“Oh my god,” you whine, when he is fully inside you. You pull back then push forward again, to reassure his worried eyes on you. You are so wet that the sounds echo in your ears and the whole room. Joel holds you against him, gently, sensually. One hand on your hip, the other on your back.

“Joel?” you ask.

“Tell me, sweetheart.”

“Can you lie down on me? I'd like to feel you deeper.”

He caresses your cheek and tells you yes, of course.

You lie on your back and he removes your panties, kneeling between your thighs.

And he looks at you, from your face to your cunt. "You're beautiful," he says. His stare stops there, then he glances at you. As if he was asking you silently if he could taste you. You nod and he settles between your thighs, spreading your folds with his fingers.

“You're so wet for me, baby,” he adds, before licking your pussy in a long stroke. Pointing his tongue at your clit, then running over your folds again. Your knees are bent, legs spread as wide as possible. His head moves between your offered thighs, your hands lost in his curls, while his tongue laps at your dripping pussy. He pushes two fingers in your core, and places his lips around your clit, sucking it. Then swirls it under his tongue, while his fingers thrust in at a perfect, regular pace.

“Joel,” you whimper. “I'm gonna come again.”

Your nails tighten on his scalp as you come on his tongue, your walls squeezing uncontrollably around his two fingers. He pulls them out and replaces them with his tongue, drinking in everything that flows from you. The feeling is so strong, forgotten for so long, that you feel like you're going to burst into tears. But he stops, careful not to overwhelm you, and lies down between your thighs. He places his hand on your cheek and searches for your eyes before pushing his tip into you with his other hand, eyes lowered to you.

“Damn sweetheart,” he breathes. “You feel so good around me.”

His words envelop you and lull you. His voice is low, calm, as slow and sweet as the rhythm in which he sinks into you.

All his weight is on you and you have never felt so safe in your entire life. His arms surround you as you kiss. Your hands roam the top of his body. His arms, his shoulders, his back, his cheeks, his neck. His cock slides inside you, pushing your walls in the most perfect way with each thrust. Your knees are spread wide to welcome him between your thighs. He straightens up, leaning on one hand, and looks at you. Looks into your eyes filled with desire.

He watches your neck throbbing. Your chest heaving.

He watches where his cock is digging into you.

“I'm not gonna last. Can you give me one more, baby?”

“Yeah, it's... yes.”

He lies back on you, eyes locked on yours, and slides his arms under your shoulders. Your hot, sweaty chests rub against each other. He doesn't take his eyes off you as he thrusts into you, his shaft rubbing exactly where you need it. Your fingers dig into his flesh as you come on his shaft and he stops moving. Eager to keep watching you twitch beneath him, but trying not to come too. Not yet, not inside you. He wants to let you come until the shaking stops. 

He looks at you, and focuses on a mole, chosen at random. To focus on something else, than your pussy perfectly squeezing him. When your trembling finally stops, he grabs his cock hastily, just in time before his cum coats the inside of your thighs and your lower stomach, then his heavy body rests against yours.

“Christ, sweetheart… that was amazing,” he says, smiling at you. You kiss and then nestle against his chest. You feel his heart beat hard, then gradually calm down. You fall asleep without even realizing it.

When you wake up, it’s daylight. The smell of coffee rushes into your nostrils. For a moment, it’s like life is almost normal.

You sit up in bed, holding the blanket against you.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” he says. Smiling, warm. Joel.

You smile back at him, thinking that you would like to wake up next to him every single day, from now on. 

Thank you for reading 🙏

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[justatypicalwizard]

Katsuki doesn't believe in love at first sight

Katsuki never believed in love at first sight. How could someone meet eyes and feel as if a thunder ruptured down from the skies and struck them? To love someone means to accept every part of them and to be able to incorporate them into your everyday life. It means building a brand new everyday with that person.

In order to do so you need to know a lot about them. Who they are, what are their plans for the future, what is their character and so on. Then you need to see if you are compatible in many spheres. You need to invite them to your friends group to see if it’ll hit off, you should try living together, they need to get to know your parents.

There are simply so many things to check off the list in order to be able to say you love someone. Otherwise it’s just empty words. I love you here and there. I love you for a week. I love you when you do as I please. Bullshit.

Mina constantly pestered Katsuki that his definition of love feels more like a chore or a job interview than like something a human would be able to accomplish. It wasn’t his fault he had some standards everyone else seemed to lack.

So even now Katsuki doesn’t like to admit that he fell in love at first sight, because it wasn’t the first time when he looked at you.

A quiet ping of his phone tore him out of his work. A new message from someone he didn’t recognise. Without much thought he opened the text.

[Hi, you may not know me but we go to the same lecture on Wednesday at 1 PM. I heard you have neat notes and wanted to ask if it wouldn’t be a problem if you send me today’s ones. I  got sick and couldn’t come and I wouldn’t want to fall behind with the material. Thanks!]

Geez, was there a longer way to type it? Couldn’t you just write: can you give me notes? On the other hand he always complained about people being douchebags.

Clicking onto your profile Katsuki saw a cheesy photo and a few posts from your daily life and vacations. Nothing much to be honest. Yet, he could vaguely remember your face around the people who entered the lecture hall. It won’t hurt to help.

[Sure]

[File attached]

Pushing his phone to the far end of his desk he went back to work. A few minutes later there was another quiet ding and this time Katsuki felt irritation bubbling inside him. It was you once again.

[Thank you so much!]

[I owe you]

[If you ever need anything feel free to write]

Whatever.

It only took a week for Katsuki to be indeed looking for help from someone. Once in a while, during his hero training, he was forced to pair up with someone in order to work on his rescue skills. Usually they’d use dummies but some fucktard in the course planning team decided that it would be most helpful if the students could train with a real human.

Normally Katsuki would ask Mina. He’d swallow his pride and force himself to listen to her babbling for two hours. Just to get it done. Unfortunately, Mina dumped him today, leaving only a [sorry, not feeling well, find someone else]. Damned flu season.

Who was he supposed to ask now, Denki?

As he scrolled down his chats, your profile pic flew by making Katsuki halt.

If you ever need anything feel free to write.

Screw it, you said it yourself, might as well find a person already and move on with his day. He typed a quick explanation and pushed the send button. The day was nearing the afternoon when you responded.

[Sure, if it’s two hours I can make it. Send me when and where I should be]

He shrugged and gave you the address for today's training.

In the early evening Katsuki found himself trotting towards his usual fighting ground absentmindedly. He was thinking about something related to work at Miruko’s when the idea flew out of his head. You were there, he could see you from afar, walking in circles in front of the main door.

Were you an idiot? It was the middle of winter and the early evening cold tore through layers of warm coats to sink into your bones. Why weren’t you entering the building to warm up a bit.

That’s why Katsuki is so stubborn about the whole love at first sight thing. It certainly wasn’t that exact moment when his heart skipped a beat because of you. You were shivering, hiding your chin and red tinted cheeks deeper into the collar of your winter coat. When you spotted him you reached out a gloved hand and waved.

“What the fuck are you doing outside, get in there or you’ll catch another cold.” He persisted, ushering you towards the entrance.

“Wow, good evening to you too.” You looked at him from under your woollen hat, surprised to get yelled at first thing you see him. Though, you did hear the upcoming pro-hero Dynamite, who went to the same lecture as you, was rather intense. “I don’t know, this place just looks fancy. Didn’t want to stand inside like a dumbass not knowing where to go.”

“So you stood outside like a dumbass not knowing where to go.”

“Exactly.”

He let you in and showed you around. After leaving your coat and getting a warm tea (his idea), you were ready to help with his training. The support students and university staff running around asked you to take off any unnecessary piece of clothing such as jewellery or sweaters that could get in the way. You gladly went through with their instructions.

You b-lined another student, a senior support course, who showed you the place where you’d be waiting to be rescued. The spacious arena was moulded into the shape of a city. Some buildings were fine, others rundown as if a villain attack rolled over them. There were paveways and roads, streetlamps and plastic trees. You even spotted a car, though it didn’t look like it could take off anytime soon. 

“It will look the same over and over. You sit or lie down in the place where I leave you and wait for your hero.” Your guide briefed the rules. “And every time pick out a different scenario and tie the band in the place that is put on it.” He handed you a dozen of ribbons with small notes attached to them. The first one you grabbed read: broken arm (tie around elbow).

“Sure.” You nodded your head and he left you on the second floor of a wannabe office building. There were a few chairs scattered around and a table that had a weird bite mark on it. You obediently wrapped the band around your arm and sat down on the floor, waiting.

You wondered how it’ll be, to get fake rescued. You were never in such a situation, always watching the villains from the comfort of your TV rather than first hand. What was Dynamite’s quirk? Suddenly you felt stupid for not knowing. On the other hand, you were never up to date with new heroes and all the popularity polls or colourful magazines. Guess you’d just have to wait and see.

Katsuki didn’t leave you for long. You were counting the pieces of shattered glass beneath your feet when a series of explosions passed beside the building. The small pieces you were meticulously adding shook and you let out a squeak when something heavy hit the wall behind you.

“Shut up, it's me.” Craning your neck, you saw Dynamite’s face, upside down, looking at you. He was halfway through the window. “What have you got?”

“God, you scared me.” You chuckled but quickly shut your mouth. The guide asked you to play the best victim you can. Victims shouldn’t laugh.

Dynamite hopped in front of you and crouched to read the note attached to your elbow. He mumbled something in the lines of fucking scenario and looked you straight in the eye.

“I’m gonna get you out of here.”

There wasn’t anything dramatic going on, it was even quiet outside save for a few shouts here and there. Yet, there was just something in a bulked man looking at you and promising you protection, one secured by his own arms. You felt like the guy from the firefighters video.

You couldn’t stop the giggle at the thought.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” Dynamite spat.

“Nothing, nothing.” You shook your hands in front of your still laughing face. “Oh shit, this one’s supposed to be broken. Okay, just save me already.” You really fought with the snicker but the cheesiness and awkwardness of the whole situation had you in a chokehold.

“Whatever.” The hero sighed, visibly annoyed, and scooped you into his hands like a sack of potatoes. “I’ll need you to wrap your legs around me. Push the broken arm into my chest and use your healthy one to hold onto me.”

You did as instructed and glued yourself to him as tight as you could. He still held you with one of his arms and just when you started to wonder how the two of you would get down from the second floor he jumped out of the window.

A scream escaped your lips but it was muffled by a loud explosion.

For the next two hours you flew through the air in Dynamite’s hands over and over again. He held you in different ways, depending on your supposed injury, but every time you landed into the safe zone, you realised you were the first or nearly the first. That guy was quick like hell.

The last scenario rolled over and it was a panic attack. You were supposed to be physically fine but otherwise unresponsive and difficult to work with due to your shock. Dynamite tried to take extra steps to calm you down, speaking about how he’ll take you to safety and how it will all be over in a second. It looked like he was having a hard time.

“I need to touch you to take you somewhere safe.” He said, wrapping one of his hands around you.

When you were both at the safe zone, with cardboard paramedics to take care of you, Dynamite did something different. Instead of leaving you in the place where the group of injured would grow, he carried you straight to the ambulance.

“She has a panic attack.” He said to the empty fake vehicle and you just couldn’t take any more of it. You erupted in a fit of laughter. Your body shook in his hands and you gripped the X on his uniform to steady yourself. “What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” You tried to explain but the laughter squeezed your throat. “I’m a shitty actor.”

“I see that.” Dynamite grumbled.

“Do you really need to talk to cardboard people and empty vehicles for two hours every week?” You asked, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“Is it really that fucking funny?”

“No, no! I get it.” You finally calmed down, letting go of the front of his costume. “It’s not that funny, maybe a bit but not that much. I think I’m just in a good mood.” You shrug your shoulders. “It was fun, flying with you, like a free rollercoaster ride.” You gave him a big, big smile. A big genuine smile. A big, genuine, lovely smile, with your eyes closed and teeth out and cheeks tinted pink.

People are stupid. That’s what Katsuki thinks. It’s not love at first sight. It’s love because of a single sight.

Even though Katsuki came to some fundamental conclusions in the topic of love he would get all defensive and intense when he was asked about how the two of you met. It would sound way better if he could say the two of you met, then started to talk more, then went on a date and agreed to meet each other and so on. He just felt so stupid, so awkward and silly when he had to admit that all it took for you was a single smile to make his heart skip a beat.

The worst part? It felt a little pathetic honestly, as if people never smiled at him, but truthly they didn’t, not like that. Not like you.

Katsuki still doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Yet, every other piece of his meticulously calculated equation of love was torn down and rewritten, all of which he gladly took.

[pedroscowgirl]

Breaking the silence

Aaron hotchner x fem bau!reader

part one is here

Warnings: smut minors DNI

p in v (wrap it up), creampie, oral!f receiving, riding him, a bit angsty? (conflicted between spence and hotch), power dynamics (he's your boss)

lmk if i forgot something (i prob did)

summary: After much contemplation, you’ve finally made a decision about who you truly want to be with. Although traces of guilt still linger in your mind regarding your choice, Aaron has a unique ability to ease those feelings. wc: 7.4k

A/n: I'm so down bad for this man yall... also I didn't proofread this yet

The briefing room felt colder than usual, the soft murmur of voices blending into the background. The case details flashed on the screen, a series of abductions that led us to a small town in the Midwest. Normally, you’d be fully focused on the profile, mentally piecing together the unsub’s next move, but today, your mind was elsewhere.

Hotch was standing at the head of the table, his posture as controlled and rigid as ever. His deep voice filled the room as he outlined our next steps, but your gaze lingered on him longer than it should have. The way his jaw tensed when he was deep in thought, how his eyes would flicker toward me for just a second before shifting back to the case… It was impossible to ignore what had happened between us.

That night in the office—when the line between boss and agent blurred—kept replaying in your mind. The feel of his hands on you, the raw intensity in his touch, the way his control finally cracked. And now? Now it was like we were strangers again.

“Everyone clear on the plan?” Hotch’s voice cut through the haze in your head.

You blinked, realizing the rest of the team was already standing up, ready to move. “Yes, sir,” you mumbled, quickly gathering your files and standing.

As we filed out of the room, you could feel Hotch’s gaze linger on you, even if only for a split second. The air between you was thick with unspoken words, but neither of you had dared to acknowledge what had happened. Not at work. Not anywhere.

The case had you working late into the night. Morgan and Rossi were canvassing witnesses, while Reid was piecing together the behavioral patterns of the unsub. You were stationed with Hotch, going over surveillance footage from the surrounding areas, but being alone with him felt like a trap.

You hadn’t talked since that night. There hadn’t been time, or maybe you’d both been avoiding it. But the tension was there, unrelenting.

“We’re missing something,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him as you stared at the grainy footage on the screen.

Hotch remained silent beside you, but you could feel the weight of his presence. His stoic demeanor had always been a source of strength for the team, but now, it felt suffocating.

“You should get some rest,” he finally said, his voice low, though it carried that same authoritative edge.

you shook your head. “I’m fine.”

His gaze flickered to you, something unreadable in his dark eyes. “You’ve been distracted,” he said softly, his tone not accusing, but concerned.

you swallowed hard, your throat suddenly dry. He wasn’t wrong. You had been distracted, but not by the case. “I’m good, Hotch,” you replied, trying to sound more confident than you actually felt.

But then, his hand was on yours, a brief, barely-there touch that sent a jolt through your entire body. You glanced up at him, and for the first time since that night, his composed mask cracked just slightly.

“I didn’t mean for things to… get complicated,” he said quietly, his voice filled with a tension that mirrored your own.

you took a breath, steadying yourself. “Neither did I.”

For a long moment, we just stood there, the soft hum of the surveillance equipment the only sound in the room. His fingers curled slightly, brushing against your hand again, and suddenly, you couldn’t breathe.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” he said, but the words lacked conviction. His eyes were locked on yours, dark and intense. “But I can’t stop thinking about it.”

you felt your heart race, the memory of his lips on yours, the feel of his body pressed against you, rushing back with overwhelming clarity. “Neither can I,” you whispered, the admission slipping out before you could stop it.

His jaw tensed, and for a moment, you thought he might pull away, retreat back into his professional shell. But instead, he took a step closer, closing the small distance between you. His hand slid from yours, moving to gently cup your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek.

“I can’t afford to be distracted,” he murmured, his voice tight with restraint. “Not here. Not now.”

You nodded, though your body betrayed you, leaning into his touch despite the warning. “I know.”

But even as you said it, you couldn’t stop the pull between you two. There was something about Hotch, something about the way he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and yet still found moments like this, moments where he could let someone in. And now that you’d seen that side of him, you weren’t sure you could let it go.

Before you could think better of it, you reached up, your fingers gently brushing against his hand. “We’ll figure this out,” you said softly, echoing the words he’d said to you that night.

For a second, his eyes softened, and you could see the vulnerability there, the part of him that so few people ever got to see. But then, just as quickly, his expression hardened again, the walls slamming back into place.

“We have to,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He dropped his hand from your face, stepping back and putting the distance between you again. The moment was gone, the heat dissipating as quickly as it had ignited. But you knew, just as he did, that nothing between us would ever be the same.

The team gathered for a debriefing the next day, the tension from the case still hanging in the air. But beneath that, there was something else, a tension that existed only between Hotch and you. You avoided his gaze, focusing on the task at hand, but you could feel him watching you, just as you watched him.

Spencer noticed your silence, giving me a concerned look, but you brushed him off, unwilling to explain the mess you found yourself in. After all, how could you? How could you explain that you were torn between two worlds, the professional and the personal, and that the man at the center of it all was someone you weren’t supposed to feel this way about?

But as the day wore on, and the weight of the case dragged you deeper into its complexities, you realized something: no matter how hard I tried to bury your feelings, they weren’t going anywhere.

And neither, it seemed, was Aaron Hotchner.

------------

The flight back from the case felt longer than usual. The team was asleep, no surprise, given the weight of the case we had just wrapped. Except for Spencer. Normally, you would have struck up a conversation with him by now, engaging him in one of his countless facts or theories. But today, the silence between you was heavy.

He sat next to you on the jet, his fingers fidgeting with a deck of cards, absentmindedly shuffling them. You could feel him glancing at you, his hazel eyes filled with questions. You hadn’t talked about your feelings. Not properly. And now, with the growing complexity between Hotch and you, you felt even more tangled up inside.

"You’ve been quiet," Spencer said softly, his voice pulling you out of your thoughts.

you shifted in your seat, trying to force a smile. "Just tired," you replied, though it was a poor excuse. The truth was that you didn’t know how to explain the emotional storm raging inside of you.

Spencer wasn’t fooled. He’s a profiler after all. "Is it because of Hotch?"

His question caught you off guard. you blinked, turning to look at him, your heart skipping a beat. How much did he know? How much had he noticed?

"What do you mean?" you asked, keeping your tone neutral.

Spencer’s gaze was steady, though there was a softness to it. "I saw how he looked at you. During the debriefing, before we left for the case… There’s something between you two, isn’t there?"

The air between you thickened with the weight of his words. I couldn’t deny it. Not anymore. You had spent days trying to push it aside, trying to compartmentalize the emotions you felt for Hotch, but Spencer was right. There was something between Hotch and you. Something you hadn’t fully understood until that moment.

But how could you explain that to Spencer—the man who had been nothing but kind, gentle, and patient with you? The man whose kiss had felt like safety, like home, even as your mind was spinning with confusion about Hotch.

"Spence, I…" you hesitated, searching for the right words. His eyes were so sincere, so trusting, and you hated the thought of hurting him. "It’s complicated."

He gave you a small, sad smile, his fingers still fidgeting with the cards. "I figured. I mean, it’s Hotch. He’s… well, he’s him."

you let out a breath, grateful for Spencer’s understanding but also pained by it. He was making it so easy for you to talk to him, and that only made things harder.

"Our kiss…" you began, your voice quieter now. "It meant something to me. You mean something to me."

Spencer looked at you, his expression softening. "You mean something to me too."

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat growing. "But I don’t know what to do about Hotch. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I didn’t expect to feel… anything for him. But now, I can’t stop thinking about him either."

The truth spilled out before you could stop it. The tangled mess of emotions that had been building up inside you was now laid bare between you. And the look on Spencer’s face—God, it broke your heart. He didn’t deserve this. He deserved someone who wasn’t so conflicted, someone who wasn’t caught between two people.

"I don’t want to hurt you, Spencer," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to the cards in his hands. "I know."

For a moment, the silence between you was unbearable. You could feel the weight of your indecision pressing down on both of you, suffocating the easy connection you had once shared. And you hated it. You hated that you had brought this confusion into our relationship. But most of all, you hated that I didn’t have an answer.

Finally, Spencer spoke again, his voice quiet but steady. "Do you love him?"

His question hung in the air, heavy with meaning. It wasn’t accusatory—it was simply Spencer trying to understand. But the weight of it made your heart clench.

Did you love Hotch?

you didn’t know. What you felt for him was intense, powerful, something you hadn’t been able to shake since that night in his office. But love? Was it love, or was it something else—something darker, more complicated?

"I don’t know," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "But I care about him. A lot."

Spencer nodded, his expression unreadable. He didn’t say anything for a long time, just sat there with his cards, his mind clearly processing everything you had just told him. When he finally looked back at you, there was a sadness in his eyes, but also a quiet acceptance.

"I’ve always known you and Hotch had… something," he said softly. "I just didn’t want to admit it."

The guilt twisted inside you like a knife. "I never meant for it to happen, Spence."

"I know." He smiled gently, though it didn’t reach his eyes. "It’s okay. I just… I want you to be happy. Even if that’s with him."

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. How could he be so selfless, so willing to put your happiness above his own? you didn’t deserve that kind of kindness. Not when you were the one causing this mess.

"Spencer, I—"

Before you could finish, he reached out, pulling a strand of hair behind your face. "I care about you," he said softly. "And I’m not going anywhere. But you need to figure this out. For yourself. For both of us." He gave you a kiss on your cheek and you nodded, your heart heavy with the weight of his words. He was right, of course. you needed to sort through your feelings, to understand what it was that you truly wanted.

---------

The restaurant buzzed with the warm sounds of laughter and clinking glasses. You sat at the edge of the booth, tucked between JJ and Reid, who were deep in conversation about something scientific you couldn’t quite follow. Normally, you would have been engrossed, eager to hear Spencer’s detailed explanation of whatever fact he was spouting tonight, but your attention was elsewhere.

Across the table, Hotch was nursing a glass of scotch, his dark eyes occasionally flicking in your direction. Each time they did, your heart skipped a beat, your stomach tightening with the unspoken tension that had been simmering between the two of you since that night in the office.

You tried to stay focused on the conversation around you, tried to pretend like the heat you felt was just the warmth from the restaurant and not the lingering burn from Hotch’s gaze, but it was impossible. The way he watched you, with that quiet intensity, made it hard to breathe. It felt like he was silently pulling you toward him, and no matter how much you tried to stay anchored to the moment, you couldn’t escape it.

"Are you okay?" Spencer’s voice pulled you back into the present, his brow furrowed in concern as he looked at you.

You blinked, forcing a smile. "Yeah, I’m fine Spence, don’t worry."

Spencer nodded, his gaze soft and understanding. He knew you too well, better than you sometimes liked to admit. But tonight, there was no space for that softness. Not with the way Hotch kept looking at you like he was undressing you with his eyes, peeling back layers of professionalism you’d tried so hard to maintain.

You took a sip of your drink, the cool liquid doing little to calm the heat rising in your chest. You needed to step away—needed a moment to collect yourself before you did something reckless. Without saying much, you slid out from the booth, excusing yourself from the table and heading toward the patio outside.

The cool air hit your skin like a welcome reprieve. You took a deep breath, leaning against the railing and looking out at the dark street below, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. The evening had been so casual, so light, but underneath it all, there was this tension, this pull that kept drawing you back to one person.

"Couldn’t handle all the noise in there either?"

Hotch’s voice broke through the quiet, sending a jolt through your body. You hadn’t realized he’d followed you outside, but now, standing just a few feet away, he seemed impossibly close.

You turned to face him, your pulse quickening at the sight of him in the dim light. The way his broad shoulders filled out his jacket, the sharp angles of his jaw catching the glow from the streetlamp, it was all too much. "Needed some air," you managed to say, your voice softer than you’d intended.

Hotch stepped closer, his presence commanding, as always. "It’s been a long week," he said, his voice low and steady. "You did good work."

His compliment should have made you feel proud, but instead, it only added to the tension. The way he said it, the way his eyes lingered on you, it wasn’t just about the case. There was more behind his words.

"Thanks," you replied, your breath catching slightly as he moved even closer, his body now just inches from yours.

The night air suddenly felt too warm, your skin prickling with the awareness of how close he was, how easily you could reach out and touch him. You shouldn’t. You knew that. But the temptation was overwhelming.

His gaze dropped briefly to your lips, and when he looked back up, there was a heat in his eyes that made your knees weak. "We shouldn’t be out here alone," he murmured, though there was no real conviction in his voice.

Your heart pounded in your chest, and you could feel the pull between you both growing stronger, the line between what was right and what you wanted blurring more with each passing second. "Maybe we shouldn’t," you whispered, your voice barely audible, but you didn’t move.

Neither did he.

The space between you felt charged, electric. Your body hummed with anticipation, every inch of you hyperaware of how close he was, how much you wanted to close the gap. His hand brushed against yours, and the simple contact sent a shockwave through you, your breath hitching in your throat.

"Hotch…" you started, but the words caught in your throat as his fingers curled around your wrist, pulling you gently toward him. The touch was subtle, controlled, but it was enough to break whatever restraint you’d been holding onto.

You found yourself pressed against the railing, Hotch standing over you, his gaze dark and intense. His hand slid up your arm, leaving a trail of heat in its wake as he moved closer, his body almost flush against yours. You could feel the warmth radiating from him, the sheer presence of him overwhelming your senses.

"We can’t keep doing this," he whispered, but the way his breath ghosted over your skin told you he didn’t really mean it.

You swallowed hard, your heart racing as his face inched closer to yours. You could feel his breath, warm and steady, brushing against your lips. "Then why are you here?"

The question hung in the air, heavy with tension, and for a moment, you thought he might pull away, might retreat back behind the walls of professionalism he always kept up. But instead, he leaned in, his lips just barely grazing yours.

"Because I can’t stay away from you," he admitted, his voice raw and low.

The confession sent a shiver down your spine, and before you could think better of it, you closed the distance between you, pressing your lips against his.

The kiss was slow at first, tentative, like you were both testing the waters, but the moment his hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, everything else faded away. The world around you disappeared, and all that was left was the feel of his mouth on yours, the heat of his body pressing against you.

Your hands found their way to his chest, fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket as the kiss deepened, all the tension that had been building between you finally breaking. His lips moved with a fierce intensity, like he had been holding back for far too long, and now there was no stopping it.

His hands roamed over your body, exploring with a confidence that made your heart race even faster. Every touch, every press of his fingers against your skin, set you on fire, the overwhelming need for him consuming you.

You gasped softly as his mouth moved to your neck, his lips trailing hot kisses along your skin, sending a wave of heat through your body. Your head fell back, giving him better access as his hands tightened on your waist, pulling you even closer.

"Hotch…" you breathed, barely able to form the words as he continued to kiss you, his hands sliding under your shirt, the warmth of his touch sending shivers across your skin.

"We shouldn’t do this here" he muttered again against your skin, but the way his body pressed against yours, the way his breath came faster, told you neither of you were stopping.

The sound of laughter broke through the fog in your mind, pulling you back to reality for a moment. You suddenly remembered where you were. the team just inside the restaurant, Spencer probably wondering where you had gone.

You pulled back slightly, your breath shaky as you looked up at Hotch. His eyes were dark, filled with a hunger that made your pulse quicken all over again, but there was a flicker of hesitation there too.

"Spencer’s going to wonder…" you trailed off, not finishing the thought, the guilt creeping in.

Hotch’s jaw tensed, his hands still resting on your hips. "I know," he said quietly, but his gaze remained fixed on yours, filled with a conflict that mirrored your own.

You wanted him. You wanted him more than you had ever wanted anyone. But as you stood there, Hotch’s hands still on your body, the heat between you still burning, you realized that no matter what choice you made, things would never be the same again.

The cool night air still clung to your skin as you stepped back into the restaurant, your pulse racing from the kiss you had just shared with Hotch. Every inch of you still felt electrified, your body buzzing from the intensity of the moment. You were trying to play it cool, act as if nothing had happened, but it was hard when your heart was pounding in your chest, and the heat of Hotch’s touch still lingered on your skin.

You glanced sideways at Hotch as he walked next to you, his face composed but his jaw tight. Neither of you spoke a word as you rejoined the team, but the silence between you was filled with unspoken tension. It was as if everyone in the room could sense that something had shifted.

Morgan was the first to notice. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a playful grin. "Well, well, look who finally decided to come back," he teased, his eyes darting between you and Hotch. "What were you two doing out there? Planning world domination?"

You forced a laugh, hoping it didn’t sound as shaky as you felt. "Just needed some air," you replied, sliding into your seat next to Spencer, who was watching you with quiet curiosity.

Hotch didn’t respond. He simply took his place back at the head of the table, picking up his glass of scotch as if nothing had happened. But you could feel his presence, strong, commanding, and impossibly close, even though there was now a table between you.

Morgan raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying your casual response. "Air, huh? Looked a little more intense than that." His teasing tone carried an edge of curiosity that made your stomach twist.

You shot him a quick glare, trying to will the heat creeping up your neck to disappear. "Just some air, Morgan. You’re reading too much into it."

Before Morgan could press further, Garcia piped up, her bright voice cutting through the tension. "Come on, Derek, leave them alone. Not everyone needs to be in on your gossip." She shot you a wink, though there was a hint of curiosity in her eyes too.

Spencer smiled at you, but his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, as if searching for the truth beneath your words. His kindness, his understanding, made your heart ache. But the guilt that twisted inside you wasn’t enough to erase the pull you felt toward Aaron. The two men couldn’t have been more different, and yet, you found yourself caught between them, unable to make sense of your own feelings.

Morgan, sensing the shift in the atmosphere, leaned forward, his playful smirk returning. "Well, whatever you were doing out there, just know we all have bets going about who’s sneaking off with who tonight."

JJ shot him a look of exasperation. "Derek."

"What? I’m just saying. We all see how you two keep sneaking off," he said with a grin, his eyes darting between you and Hotch.

You rolled your eyes, trying to play it off. "It’s nothing like that, Morgan."

But your words felt hollow, especially when Hotch’s gaze flickered briefly in your direction. The weight of what had happened outside was too fresh, too raw, and you could feel the shift in energy between you both, even if no one else knew the truth.

Morgan was still watching you with a knowing smirk, clearly not convinced by your attempts to brush him off. He leaned in closer, lowering his voice so only you could hear. "Come on, something’s up. You’ve been acting weird all night."

You glanced at him, trying to think of something, anything, to say that would get him off your back. But before you could respond, Hotch’s deep voice cut through the noise.

"Morgan, leave it."

The command was calm, but firm. It wasn’t a request. Morgan straightened up in his seat, raising his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, I’ll drop it." He shot you a quick glance, his curiosity still simmering just beneath the surface, but he let it go—for now.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, grateful for Hotch’s intervention but also hyper-aware of how close you had come to unraveling under Morgan’s scrutiny.

Spencer’s hand brushed against yours under the table, a small, innocent touch that made your heart clench. You turned to him, his soft gaze meeting yours. He didn’t say anything, but his presence was steady, grounding you in a way that made you feel both comforted and guilty at the same time.

-----------------

You were barely out of your clothes and into your pajamas when the knock echoed through the quiet of your hotel room. For a moment, you considered ignoring it. You were too exhausted to deal with any more emotional turmoil, but something—someone—pulled you toward the door.

When you opened it, Hotch stood there, his expression neutral as always, but there was something about the way he looked at you tonight. His jaw was tight, his eyes searching yours in a way that made your heart skip a beat.

"Hotch?" you asked, confused by his sudden appearance. "What’s going on?"

He hesitated for a moment, his hand gripping the doorframe as if steadying himself. "Can I come in?" he asked, his voice low and controlled, but there was an edge to it, something unspoken beneath the surface.

You stepped aside, letting him in. The door clicked shut behind him, the soft hum of the hotel room suddenly feeling deafening. You could feel the tension radiating off of him, but you had no idea what had brought him here tonight.

He stood in the middle of the room, his hands at his sides, his posture rigid. "I saw what happened on the plane," he said finally, his voice calm, but you could hear the weight in his words. "With Spencer."

Your breath caught in your throat. Spencer had kissed your cheek after your conversation, a simple gesture of affection, but it had felt like so much more in the moment. You hadn’t realized Hotch had seen it.

"Hotch, I—"

He cut you off, his voice still infuriatingly neutral. "I think you should be with Spencer."

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. His tone was so matter-of-fact, so calm, but the look in his eyes told you he wasn’t unaffected by this. For a man who always kept his emotions tightly locked away, there was a flicker of something vulnerable in his gaze now, something you hadn’t seen before.

You stared at him, your heart racing. "What?" you whispered, stepping closer to him. "Hotch, no…"

He clenched his jaw, his eyes flickering away from yours for the briefest moment before returning to your face. "He cares about you. I saw the way he looks at you, and I saw how you two talked on the plane. He kissed you." His voice was steady, but there was something underneath it—something raw. "Spencer can give you what you need. What I can't."

His words twisted inside of you, confusion and frustration bubbling to the surface. How could he think that? After everything that had happened between you, after all the tension and moments you had shared, how could he believe you’d choose someone else?

"Hotch, you don’t understand," you said, your voice trembling slightly. You took another step closer, your hand reaching out to touch his arm, desperate to make him see what he was missing. "I want you. That’s what I told Spencer."

The silence between you felt thick, charged with emotions you could no longer ignore. His eyes softened just slightly, the stoic façade he always wore cracking at the edges.

"I told him," you continued, your voice gaining strength. "I told him that I care about him, but it’s you. It’s always been you."

For a moment, he didn’t move, didn’t say anything. He just stood there, staring at you like he wasn’t sure if he should believe you. But then, his hands slid up to your waist, and the tension between you snapped like a rubber band stretched too far.

Without another word, you leaned in, capturing his lips with yours in a kiss that was filled with all the frustration, the longing, the desire you had been holding back for so long. It wasn’t soft or tentative—it was desperate, like you hadn’t kissed him in ages, like you were trying to prove everything you couldn’t put into words.

Hotch responded immediately, his grip on your waist tightening as he pulled you closer, his lips moving against yours with a hunger that made your knees weak. His hands roamed over your body, exploring with a need that mirrored your own, his touch igniting a fire inside you that you hadn’t been able to extinguish since the first time you kissed.

His body pressed against yours, pinning you gently against the door as his mouth devoured yours, the tension that had been simmering between you finally finding release. You moaned softly into his mouth, your fingers tangling in his hair as his hands slid under your shirt, his touch hot against your skin.

"Hotch," you gasped, pulling back just enough to catch your breath, but he didn’t give you time to recover. His lips were on your neck, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your throat, making your pulse race.

"I shouldn’t want this," he muttered against your skin, his voice rough and filled with restraint. "But I do. God, I do."

His confession sent a shiver down your spine, and you arched into him, your body pressing against his in a way that left no space between you. "Then don’t stop," you whispered, your voice breathless as your hands roamed over his chest, feeling the heat of him through his shirt.

Hotch groaned softly, his hands sliding up your waist and over your hips, pulling you even closer. His fingers dug into your skin, his touch possessive, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

You kissed him again, hard and hungry, your lips moving against his with a desperation that mirrored his. The tension between you had finally reached its breaking point, and now, there was no turning back. His hands were everywhere—on your waist, your hips, your back—exploring every inch of you with a need that made your head spin.

Your shirt was pushed up, his hands sliding under the fabric to touch your bare skin, the warmth of his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your body. You gasped softly as his fingers brushed against the curve of your waist, your entire body responding to him in ways you couldn’t control.

"Hotch…" you whispered, your voice trembling with desire.

“What is it, sweetheart?” he answered in that deep, sexy voice that made your whole body heat up.

"I need you so badly."

His eyes darkened at your words, and without hesitation, he scooped you up effortlessly and laid you down on the bed. The way he moved—so strong, so sure—made your heart race even faster. He hovered over you for a moment, his eyes trailing over your body, before his hands moved to the hem of your shirt, tugging it up and over your head.

You felt exposed under his gaze, but it only added to the excitement coursing through you. His lips found the soft skin of your neck, kissing, nipping, and trailing lower with each breath. When his mouth reached the swell of your breasts, he paused, looking up at you with a smirk that sent a wave of heat through your core.

“God, your tits are so hot,” he murmured, his voice rougher than usual, and it took you by surprise. You were so used to his professional, composed demeanor that this raw, vulgar side of him was both shocking and incredibly arousing.

The dirty words made your body respond instantly, a fresh wave of wetness pooling between your thighs.

His mouth latched onto your nipple, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud before pulling it between his lips. A gasp escaped your throat, and your hand flew to his hair, tangling your fingers in the soft strands as he groaned against your skin. The vibration of his voice against your breast sent shivers down your spine.

He alternated between your breasts, his hands kneading your flesh while his mouth worked you over, sucking and kissing every inch of you until your entire body was humming with desire. His hands were warm and firm, and every touch sent sparks of pleasure through you, heightening the need that had been building between you all night.

When he finally moved lower, kissing down your stomach with a trail of soft, open-mouthed kisses, your heart pounded in anticipation. He paused when he reached the waistband of your shorts, looking up at you with that devilish smirk again.

“Can I?” he asked, his voice soft, but filled with desire.

“Yes, please,” you breathed, unable to hide the desperation in your voice.

He hooked his fingers into your shorts, pulling them down slowly, torturously, and when he revealed your white lace underwear, his eyes lit up with amusement.

“You knew I was coming here tonight?” he teased, his voice low and rough, sending a thrill through you.

You smiled up at him, biting your lip as you watched him. “Maybe,” you whispered, the teasing tone in your voice barely masking the fact that your body was already aching for him.

He groaned softly, his hands brushing over your hips before he slowly dragged your underwear down your legs, tossing them aside. His eyes lingered on you for a moment, dark and intense as they took in every inch of your naked body. The way he looked at you made you feel like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“God, you’re perfect,” he whispered, his voice so low it sent shivers down your spine.

And then, without another word, he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh, his lips soft against your skin. Your breath hitched, anticipation building as he moved closer to your center, teasing you, making you wait. His hands slid up your legs, his fingers brushing lightly over your skin, and when his mouth finally met your core, you gasped, your hips jerking toward him instinctively.

Hotch groaned against you, his tongue working slowly, deliberately, as if he was savoring every moment. The heat of his mouth was overwhelming, and the way his tongue circled your clit had your entire body trembling.

“Oh God, Hotch,” you moaned, your fingers tangling in his hair again as your back arched off the bed. The pleasure was intense, almost too much, but you couldn’t get enough. Every stroke of his tongue sent you higher, building the tension inside you until you thought you might explode.

He gripped your thighs, pulling you closer as he buried his face deeper between your legs, his tongue working you over with expert precision. You were already so close, your body teetering on the edge of release, and when he slid two fingers inside you, curling them just right, you were done for.

The pressure inside you built to a breaking point, and with a cry of his name, you came hard, your entire body shaking with the force of your orgasm. Hotch didn’t stop, his tongue and fingers working you through your release, prolonging the pleasure until you were completely spent.

Your breath came in ragged gasps as you collapsed back against the bed, your body still trembling from the aftershocks. Hotch slowly pulled away, his mouth and fingers leaving your body as he kissed his way back up your stomach, over your breasts, and finally to your lips.

You kissed him deeply, tasting yourself on his tongue as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The fire between you hadn’t dimmed, it had only just begun.

“I need you,” you whispered against his lips, your voice still trembling from the intensity of your orgasm.

Hotch groaned softly, his hands sliding up your body as he positioned himself over you. “You have me,” he replied, his voice thick with desire.

And with a fluid motion, Hotch gripped your waist and pulled you on top of him, flipping your positions in one swift move. You straddled him, your thighs resting on either side of his hips as you looked down at him. The sight of him lying beneath you, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, his eyes dark and full of lust, made your pulse quicken. He seemed so in control and yet, completely undone by the sight of you.

You reached for his tie, slowly loosening the knot. Your fingers trembled as you slid it free, tossing it aside before your hands moved to the buttons of his shirt. You took your time, savoring the moment as you unbuttoned each one, revealing more of his chest with every flick of your fingers. When his shirt was fully undone, you pushed it open, running your hands over the firm muscles of his chest, your palms lingering over the warmth of his skin.

A low growl rumbled in his chest as you leaned down, pressing your lips to his skin, kissing and sucking at the exposed flesh. You trailed your mouth from his collarbone down to his chest, leaving small, dark marks in your wake. His breath hitched, and you felt his hands slide up your thighs, gripping them tightly as he groaned.

"Fuck, naughty girl," he muttered, his voice dripping with desire. His grip tightened in your hair, tugging your head back just slightly so he could look into your eyes. "You wanna mark me up, huh?"

The man who was always so stern, so composed, had completely unraveled beneath you, and you reveled in the control you had over him.

Your lips curved into a sly smile. "Maybe I do," you teased, your breath hot against his skin.

His eyes darkened even more, filled with a raw hunger that sent your heart racing. Without another word, he pulled you down, crashing his lips against yours in a kiss that was all heat and desperation. His tongue found yours, demanding and unrelenting, and you moaned softly into his mouth as your body melted into his.

His hands slid from your hair to your waist, gripping you firmly as he kissed you deeper. You could feel the hardness of him beneath you, and the anticipation of what was to come made your entire body throb with need.

"Ride me," he commanded, his voice low and full of desire. The authority in his tone sent a thrill through you, making your stomach flip with excitement.

Without breaking eye contact, you reached down, your fingers working to unbutton and unzip his pants. You tugged them down just enough to free him, and your breath caught in your throat when you saw him, thick, hard, and more than ready for you. The sheer size of him made your body clench with anticipation.

You couldn’t wait any longer. You positioned yourself above him. And as you lowered yourself onto him, the stretch was immediate and intense. He was so big, filling you up completely, and you gasped as the sensation took over, your nails digging into his chest as you tried to catch your breath.

He groaned softly, his hands gripping your hips as he watched you intently. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, his voice thick with restraint. "You feel so good."

You paused for a moment, needing to adjust to the fullness of him. The pressure of having him so deep inside you made your head spin, and you bit your lip, trying to steady yourself. The pleasure was overwhelming, but you needed a second before you could move.

But Hotch wasn’t in the mood to wait.

His hands gripped your hips more tightly, and with a low growl, he began to move you, guiding your body up and down his length. The sudden movement made you cry out in pleasure, your hands bracing against his chest as your body rocked with his.

"Aaron…" you whimpered, your voice barely more than a gasp as the sensation of him inside you sent shockwaves of pleasure through your body. The stretch, the fullness, the way he hit every perfect spot inside you, it was too much and not enough all at once.

He groaned, his grip on your hips tightening as he set the pace, thrusting up into you as he moved you on top of him. "God, you’re so tight," he growled, his voice rough and filled with a raw intensity that made your entire body tremble. "Look at you, taking me so well…"

You couldn’t respond, your mind was too clouded with pleasure, your body completely lost in the sensation of him filling you over and over again. Every time he thrust into you, it sent a bolt of electricity through your core, making your thighs quiver and your breath come in ragged gasps.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, not from pain but from the overwhelming pleasure that was building inside you, threatening to consume you whole. "Hotch," you gasped, your head falling back as your body rocked against his. The tension inside you was coiling tighter and tighter, every thrust pushing you closer to the edge.

His hands slid up your waist, guiding you with steady, relentless movements as he watched you with hooded eyes. "Come on, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice low and rough. "You gonna come for me?"

The words sent you spiraling. The intensity of his gaze, the heat of his hands on your body, the sheer pleasure of having him so deep inside you, it was too much. Your body tensed, your thighs trembling as the wave of your orgasm crashed over you.

"Aaron!" you cried out, your body convulsing as you came hard, the pleasure so intense that it left you shaking. Your hips bucked against his, your nails digging into his chest as your vision blurred, and all you could feel was him.

He groaned, his hands gripping your waist tightly as he thrust up into you harder, faster, chasing his own release. His muscles tensed beneath you, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as he reached his peak. "Fuck…" he growled, his hands digging into your hips as he came, his release filling you completely.

For a long moment, neither of you moved, both of you too caught up in the aftermath of your pleasure to speak. Your body was still trembling, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you collapsed onto his chest, your head resting against him as you tried to steady yourself.

Hotch’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close as his chest rose and fell beneath you. His hands slid up and down your back in slow, soothing strokes, his breath still heavy in your ear. "You’re incredible," he whispered, his voice soft, almost tender.

You smiled against his skin, your body still buzzing with the aftershocks of your orgasm. "So are you," you replied, your fingers tracing lazy patterns on his chest as you caught your breath.

Hotch’s hand came up to cup your face, tilting your chin so you could look into his eyes. There was a softness there, a vulnerability that made your heart ache. "You mean so much to me," he whispered, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. "More than you know."

You felt your chest tighten, the weight of his words settling over you. "I feel the same way," you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper.

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added): @looking1016 @pear-1206 @doe-eyed-diva @ssa-aaronhotchner @sweetpinkchampagne @totallyjovialblaze

[shrimpybbq]

season 1 rafe with his gf & son

i have to be sooo truthful here in that rafe is like 90% the actual worst during the events of season 1 to high school gf!

he's still doing drugs and going to parties, never coming home until the early morning if at all

maybe he was on better terms with his gf for a while, but everyone on the island knows that the pair are always on-and-off

when they are good, rafe is surprisingly sweet to her. he's always opening doors and looking after their son so she can rest. rafe is so much more physically affectionate too during these times, with his hands always on her, stroking her hip or playing with her hair

and then when they fight, it's like all that goes away and he's back to ignoring her

she lives in the main house now as that's where their son's nursery is, but most of the time she's sleeping in the guest room after they argue

rafe's idea of family bonding is going to the country club, drinking his expensive whiskey and eating overpriced food. he likes seeing his son look around wide-eyed at the new sights and new people, and he enjoys having his son sit in his lap while he drinks, mumbling nonsense to see his little smile

he tries to take his son out golfing once only to realise that he couldn't be away from his mother for so long, much to his annoyance. it's fine though bc he's insisting they all go together next time - problem solved in his mind

rafe and high school gf! go to midsummer's together as each others dates. rafe wouldn't have let her go with anyone else anyway, but he likes the display of having her on his arm. he matches his suit to the floral design of her gown to make the statement even clearer (they have a child together and he's worried about people knowing she's his???)

he manages to hide a lot of the events that go on from his gf, but some of them still reach her ears courtesy of sarah, and he can't stand the disappointed look she gives him. sometimes though, he makes her sit down and listen to his explanation, trying to get her to see his side. he's so relieved when she nods and no longer looks at him in that way (but she still doesn't tell him he was right, he always notes)

when barry burns rafe, he's knocking on the door of the guest room with tears in his eyes, clutching his badly burnt arm to his chest. gf just looks at him wide-eyed, telling him to sit on her bed while she grabs the first aid kit. rafe can't help but let the tears stream down his face as she cleans, his head coming to rest on her shoulder as he sobs. that night is the first time he sleeps with her in the guest room, his head nuzzled into her chest as she cradles him

ok but if barry ever threatens his girl and kid rafe won't let it go. he's landing a punch on the drug dealer's face immediately, his rage spiking instantaneously. barry learns not to threaten them again after the second time he wore purple bruises on his chin

oh, sweet pretty gf has no idea what rafe has done to the sheriff, and he plans to keep it that way. he wanted to protect his dad, but he absolutely refuses to let anything happen to his own family. she's so shocked when he tells her of john b's actions, the boy having lived down the hall from them, and rafe plays into the role of protector again. he's got her in his arms as she cries about how he was around their son, and rafe just hums and tells her "i would never let someone hurt either of you, you know that right?". it warms his heart to see her nod into his chest.

sometimes his gf walks into the nursery only to see her son not in his crib, but she knows exactly where he is. pushing open rafe's door she sees the two of them in bed, her sweet baby cuddled up on rafe's bare chest as they both sleep. he needs to be with his son when he has a bad day, which seems to be more often than not nowadays

rafe is rapidly growing more mentally unwell and the only thing that seems to soothe him is his gf and son, and he spends as much time as he can with them. the little baby is always in his arms as he coos down at him, watching his kid's eyes brighten at the sight of his dada. rafe reasons with himself that everything he does is to protect his family and that he couldn't be wrong then, could he?

Oh this was a bit of a novel, but rafe truly has so many facets to explore, let alone once you give him a big motivator like a kid!

*i think i'm going to expand on high school gf! looking after rafe and his burn bc its such a vulnerable moment for him

[sitp-recs]

hi! thanks for your blog. do you have any recs for realistic mental health fics? thanks!

Hi anon! I can share some fics that resonated with me but please keep in mind that I’m no expert on the topic and cannot attest nor validate these portrayals in a professional capacity. I hope they work for you!

Touched by @writcraft (T, 7k)

On the insistence of his parents, Draco begins to see a therapist to discuss his difficulties with physical intimacy. When he changes his appointment time, Draco discovers he’s not the only one seeking assistance as a result of events which occurred during the war and he finds comfort in the most unexpected of places.

The Body Keeps Score by amorsindolor (E, 13k)

Draco cries during sex. A story about touch, intimacy, and the healing we find through mutual trust and love.

Edificabo by @doubleappled (E, 18k)

Numb and exhausted after the war, Harry returns to the only real home he’s ever known. Hogwarts needs help, too.

All That Remains by lordhellebore (M, 21k)

In a Great Britain destroyed by war and plagued by magical epidemics, those who are left behind struggle to survive and find meaning. While Draco battles his guilt by becoming a social worker, Harry is headed down a path of self-destruction.

Come Hell or High Water, anon (M, 22k)

In his bed under Mungo's floating candles, Harry sips tea, watches reality TV, and does his best not to pay any mind to the curse which has invaded his body.

Vale Sanare by RurouniHime (M, 23k)

Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Holly and Hawthorn, Thistle and Thyme by bryoneybrynn (E, 31k)

After the war, Harry can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong with him and he has a terrible feeling he knows what that “something” might be. He has a terrible feeling Malfoy might know, too.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil (E, 36k)

Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life.

A Piercing Comfort by talithan (T, 44k)

When Harry Potter hits the lowest point of his life so far, it is not his friends who keep him honest. With Draco Malfoy's patience and guidance, Harry learns to stand on his own. The thing is, after the fact—he's no longer sure he wants to.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (E, 49k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (E, 50k)

When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected.

(We'll Call This Fixer-Upper) Home by @phdmama (E, 52k)

Draco Malfoy hasn’t set foot on English soil in ten years. After the war, he fled to America, where he found himself in a community, and healed himself through following his heart into music. He’s now the lead singer and songwriter for an internationally known band, who have come back to headline the Wiltshire Music Festival.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse.

The Way Down by lettered (T, 65k)

Harry is overwhelmed by his own power and fame and angst, so he's become a hermit. Draco Malfoy is tired of the melodrama.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

[searchingforgravity]

Graceland Experience - PART 9

Fandom: Elvis/Elvis (2022)

Prompt: You are trying to nativage how you feel about your and Elvis' night together, and it causes something to stir within Sonny as well.

TW: Swearing, heated arguments

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 1796

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than the last one, but I plan to make chapter 10 longer!

The world feels like it falls out from beneath you. You're falling, trying to clutch onto anything that can save you, but there is only darkness around you as you plummet towards the unknown. The world feels like it's spinning. You're nauseous, your head pounds.

Surging forward, you gasp for air. You instantly regret this decision, your head feels like it will split in two as a searing headache presents itself. You groan as your head falls to your hands, giving you deja vu. Then your blood runs cold, is it happening? Now? Are you traveling back to your own time.

"Honey, are you alright?" A grumbling voice calls from beside you.

Elvis' voice. Then you remember how much alcohol you drank last night. You almost laugh at yourself. No time travel, just a hangover.

"Yeah, sorry, I just had a bad dream. And I have a crazy headache," you laugh at yourself.

He chuckles, a croak in his voice.

"Yeah me too, my head is killin' me," he groans, his hands coming to wipe his face.

You realize you are still in the same position as last night, your body on his chest. You move stand up and get your clothes on when his arms come to wrap around you. You stop.

"Would you just wanna lay here for a minute? It's still early yet," he whispers, his lips coming to plant a soft kiss on your forehead.

When he pulls away, his eyes lock with yours as he pushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You smile.

"I had a really good time last night," he mumbles, hope in his eyes.

"I did too," you sigh, you hand coming to push his messy hair away from his face. "But..."

You pause. Maybe you could be with him, just for the time you are here. Would it really change much of anything?

"But," he sighs, his hand falling from your face.

His face falls into a frown. He knows what you are going to say.

"Elvis, I had a nice time, really. It was the first time I've had fun since I've been stuck here."

"Stuck?" Elvis remarks, his eyes coming to meet yours again.

You see hurt in his expression. It makes your heart sink.

"No! I didn't mean that. But, we shouldn't get used to this, right? I'm not even- I can't put my focus on this."

At this, he changes completely. His expression turns completely cold and closed off.

"Honey, I never said this was gonna happen again. Just had fun is all. Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you to be my Goddamn girlfriend."

If feels like you've just been slapped in the face. Maybe you were stupid to assume he was implying he liked you. You thought that's how he felt, you're definitely developing feelings.

"Oh."

You can't think of anything to say, you're so embarrassed. Without looking at him, you get off the couch and grab your clothes, quickly throwing them on.

"Uh, gosh I didn't- I'm sorry. I shouldn't've said that."

You don't respond as he comes to grab his underwear pulling them up his legs. You try to avoid his eyes as you make your way to the stairs. You don't get far before he steps in front of you, making you stop. You look up at him.

"What?"

"I'm a- I'm sorry, honey. Can you forgive me? I really don't wanna stop spending time with you. I just, I don't like bein' rejected."

"I'm not rejecting you."

"But you don't feel the same way, that's rejection to me."

You sigh.

"I never said I didn't feel the same way, Elvis. I just- do you think it's a good idea?"

His hand comes to brush your hair, tucking the same strand that feel out again.

"I don't know. I know I don't want it to stop, though. We can...spend time together while your here. Maybe you can come see me in the future when you get back. My old man self would be so happy to see a pretty thing like you."

You have to stop yourself from lingering on your feelings, you don't want him to see how sad that statement makes you feel. You wouldn't be seeing him when you find your way back to your own time. You wouldn't see him ever again. You smile softly up at him.

"I would love to see you when I get back."

Taking your face in his hands, he leans down, softly connecting his lips to yours.

---

Sitting down to breakfast, it's hard to keep the smile from your face. Elvis keeps looking at you.

"Honey, can you pass me the salt please?" You look up as he gives you a mischievous look.

Rolling your eyes with a soft smile, you hand him the salt.

"Thank you baby. You're so kind," he purrs, not caring that there are two other people at the breakfast table.

Sonny clears his throat, looking between the two of you. A Silence falls on the group as you begin enjoying your breakfast. You wish you were closer to Elvis, to feel him beside you, but his position is across the table. Now seemingly so far away.

"(Y/N), I was thinkin' about going to the library later today. Would you want to go with me? Maybe return those books and get some new ones?

Pulled out of your thoughts, you turn to look at the source of the voice and see Sonny alternating between glancing at you anxiously and picking at his food.

"Oh! Uh I'm still-"

"When do you ever go to the library, Sonny?" Elvis interrupts, his gaze intent on him.

"Well I thought maybe I should start," Sonny shoots back, his eyes snapping up to Elvis.

"Hm. Okay."

Elvis starts picking at his food as well. You and Jerry are silent as you both watch the tense conversation. You can see the subtle signs of anger come to the surface of Elvis' face. Sonny doesn't seem to notice, or rather, care.

"What is that supposed to mean? I can't like the library?"

"Sonny, you can like whatever you Damn well please!" Elvis shouts suddenly, making your heart leap.

His eyes snap up to you as he sees you jump slightly. Elvis' looks softens.

"Man, can we just drop it? So you like the library now, that's great. If (Y/N) wants to go to the library, I can take her."

"Why, are you fuckin' her or something?"

Everything stops. No one makes a sound. Your stomach drops as your eyes dart over to Sonny, then Elvis. He looks as if he almost couldn't believe his ears. Sonny takes in the room as he realizes what a mistake he's made, until his eyes finally land on yours.

"I-I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean it like that. Elvis just fucks everyone so I thought-"

You don't hear the rest of his statement as your ears ring. Your shock turns to humiliation. You don't get the chance to respond as you look to Elvis, his eyes set on Sonny.

"Sonny, get out of that Goddamn seat. And don't call her honey again, you sonofabitch."

Sonny gets out of his seat, knowing better than to stay. But he looks back to Elvis, his face set.

"Oh, I see. You couldn't have stopped yourself one time, could you? Just one fuckin' time, E."

Elvis scrapes his chair on the floor as he stands up. For a second you think he's going to hit Sonny. You wouldn't blame him, you want to hit Sonny yourself.

"Sonny I'm not gonna fight you. Get the fuck out of this room."

It seems Sonny doesn't want to get hit today, because with a mutter under his breath, he storms away from the kitchen, leaving an awkward silence in the room. You suddenly feel exposed, the statement Sonny made lingering in the air. You look to Jerry as he stands up as well, looking uncomfortable.

"Uh, I'll catch up with you later, Elvis," Jerry states awkwardly as he makes his way towards the door.

Elvis looks like he wants to ask him to stay but he lets him go, leaving just the two of you. Looking up at Elvis, he's already looking at you.

"I'm sorry, he's just mad cuz he likes you."

"I know."

It doesn't hurt less hearing that he sleeps with many of the women that come here. Are you just like those other women? Has he been sweet to them as well knowing it didn't mean anything?

"Baby."

"Yeah?"

"Are you upset with me?"

You look at him. A concerned expression plays on his face.

"No, I'm not."

"Because the girls I've been with, they've always known what it was. Whether it was serious or not. Whether it was a one night thing or not. I don't want it to be a one night thing, sweet heart."

You look at him from where he stands. You smile softly at him and see him relax.

"I know, Elvis. I'm not upset."

It's not exactly the truth, you are upset, but you still believe him.

"Well, alright then," he mumbles a little sheepishly. "Would you, uh- wanna finish breakfast together?"

You look to your barely eaten eggs, and realize how hungry you are, needing the nutrients from the alcohol you had last night. Your stomach grumbles as you nod your head. Picking up his plate from where he sits across the table, he scoots Jerry's plate from where it sits beside you, taking his seat.

"I'm thinkin' Jerry wouldn't mind to much if we switched spots. Sonny would pitch a fit. I'm sorry he acted like that."

You shake your head at this. A small part of you feels sorry for Sonny. You know what it's like to have feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way.

"I understand him being upset," you respond, your fork poking at your eggs.

"He can feel any typa way he wants, but there's no reason he has to treat you that way. I woulda knocked his lights out if you weren't in the room."

You look to him, his his face blush with anger. Seeing him getting protective over you...it makes you feel a certain way. Safe. Certain. Aroused.

Blushing, you turn your attention back to your food, picking up the fork and biting down on the scrambled eggs.

"What?"

You look up into his eyes. He's looking into yours already, lingering.

"What do you mean, what?" you question, that same blush returning to your face.

"You went quiet. Did I say something wrong?"

You look away again, trying to hide your sudden embarrassment.

"No, you didn't."

You leave it at that as you enjoy your meal.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Tag List:

@horrorgirl4life @goldobsessionsworld @tantamount-treason @peaceloveelvis @father-of-2cats @sissylittlefeather @elvisalltheway101 @littlehoneyposts @atleastpleasetelephone @ccab @msamarican @presleyhearted @bettybloopy

[noblehouseofgay]

Nowhere to go

Jegulus and Black Brothers microfic

Reg survives the cave

Longer than usual, I got carried away

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He was bleeding out, he was sure of it. His blurry vision alone told him that he only had so long left.

He almost couldn't decide if he'd rather come here or just bleed out. But he did have some self preservation left, so here he stood at the Potter's door.

As far as they knew, he was an evil death eater. He knew there was a chance he'd be turned away or even killed on the spot. After years of turning down their invitations, what right did he even have to be here?

Unfortunately he couldn't change his mind. He all but collapsed against the door. This was it wasn't it? The Potters would find a corpse on their doorstep and not even know why. Well, at least he'd get to traumatize his brother one last time.

He felt the door open against his leg and he heard someone yell. He had no idea who it was or what was being said. He was blacking out fast. Ha, blacking out. Black. Oh I'm dying. His deluded thoughts ceased as he left consciousness.

~~~

Regulus shot up, breathing quickly. Where the hell was he? He remembered the cave. He remembered ordering kreacher to leave. He remembered.....oh merlin, he remembered being dragged down. Pulled beneath the water. He remembered being apparated. He didn't know how but he'd ended up on a street corner. And he remembered choosing to find the Potters. Oh fuck. He was at the Potters.

He looked around, quickly finding his brother asleep on the chair nearby. Sirius. Without thinking, Regulus began to reach out to him. He gently touched his brother's hand. He was real. He was here.

Sirius stirred and Regulus pulled his hand away. They made eye contact for the first time in years. "Reggie..." Regulus bit his lip. What was he supposed to say right now? How do you even explain this situation?

Apparently it didn't matter, because Sirius moved quickly to hug Regulus. Soon enough they were sobbing into each other. The embrace felt like home, something Regulus hadn't felt since he was 13.

"What happened to you? Did our parents do that-" Sirius pulled back, looking horrified. "I swear, Reggie you- you looked dead!"

"I know how to kill him." Sirius froze. "I know how to kill the dark lord. I already have one piece, I- I don't know how many there are- but he can be killed, Sirius."

Sirius looked beyond lost. "Reggie, slow down." He sighed. "I'm going to grab James and his parents, then you're going to tell us everything."

So he did. Regulus filled them in on what he could, all while avoiding James' eyes as much as possible. Even now, those eyes held so much power over Regulus.

After he'd told the story, Effie and Monty left to discuss, leaving the three boys alone.

The silence was thick. "I'm glad you're ok." Of course James would say that, he had a heart too big for his body. Regulus nodded in response, his feelings too overwhelming to speak.

"You're staying here, by the way, I hope that's obvious. I'm not letting you get away from me again, Reggie. You're not going back to that house." Regulus sighed and looked at his brother. He assumed that would be the case. "Fine, but I'll need to get kreacher to bring me things from there. I've done a lot of research on the horcruxes, it's all in my journals. Plus I had him take the locket since-..." He almost didn't want to say it again. "Since I didn't think I'd make it out. The plan was he'd take the locket and my studies to you. But I think he brought me here as well, I'm not sure."

"Well at least that bloody elf has done one good thing." "Watch it. He's helped me a lot, Sirius. He's loyal to be more so than the house of Black." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I still don't like him." He stood up. "I'll go get your guest room set up, it's next to mine."

Well now this was just awkward. He was left with James, you know, the boy he'd spent years in love with. The boy he'd danced around and teased for years. The boy he never got the chance to be with. The boy he never thought would even look at him.

The Marauders' final year had changed a lot though. Regulus and James became closer than ever. That is, until Regulus had to distance himself for everyone's sake. They'd never even kissed. Never did more than give each other looks in the halls, really.

Regulus spoke quietly, not looking at the boy. "I had nowhere else to go, I-" he took a breath, "I really wouldn't have put all this on you if I'd had a choice." James carefully moved to sit next to Regulus, his hand lightly resting on his. "I'm glad you did, Reg. We didn't- we had no idea if you were even still alive. Neither of us had ever seen you on the battlefield, there were no reports of you." James fingers held Regulus hand gently. "This was your plan from the start?" Regulus nodded. "I understand why you didn't tell us...but I wish you could've. I wish we could've helped you."

Regulus swallowed, staring into those warm hazel eyes. "I didn't want to risk your lives. I did it to keep you as safe as I could. If you hated me...then you wouldn't try to save me." Regulus laughed a little sadly. "Yet here we are now, it ended up being your problem in the end anyway." "Hey, don't do that. We want to help, Reg. You've done so much. We can end the war now! Because of you..." James brushed some black strands of hair out of Regulus' face. "You're so brave, you know that?" The taller boy stood up and left a kiss on Regulus' head, leaving the smaller boy blushing like crazy. He smiled at Regulus and nodded for him to follow. "I'll take you to your room, you should rest."

Regulus stood and followed, in somewhat of a daze from that interaction. They went upstairs and found Sirius setting up the room, adding a few little details. Sirius smiled at his brother, something Regulus never thought he'd do again.

The two other boys nodded to Regulus and headed out, Sirius giving him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "I'm right next door, Reggie. James is across from me, and the bathroom is at the end of the hall." James peaked back in from the hall. "And my parents are just down from me if you need them. Or us. Whatever you need, alright?" Regulus nodded with a small smile. "Get some rest, Reggie."

Regulus immediately laid down, feeling himself already being pulled into sleep. He was exhausted. Today had been forty hours long, he swore it. He'd almost died and reunited with his brother and James all in a few hours. There was a lot to deal with starting tomorrow, but for now he'd rest well, knowing his had those two back in his life.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Humbly here to request my weekly sentences :)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ I am SO intrigued by this idea

YAY!

45 for 🧟:

---

“It looked like a singular flashlight,” Maddie explains. 

“Maybe it’s just someone looking around,” Hen says. 

Because she hopes. Because she worries about the alternative. Because she needs for there not to be a threat to her son.

“Right, yeah,” Maddie nods. “Like a scavenger. Or a traveler. I’ve been there.”

“We don’t know,” Bobby decides. “And we’re not going to panic until we do. A handful of us can go scouting tomorrow.”

Hen is almost certain that includes her. Good. She’ll make sure Karen stays behind with Denny, where it’s safe. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Karen says. 

“I’ll take the first stakeout shift,” Bobby announces.

“I’ll join you,” Athena offers. 

“I appreciate that,” Bobby replies. 

And that’s that. It’s settled. They have a plan. 

Having a plan always makes Hen feel better. Not totally better, but less bad. The worst is being in a predicament and not knowing what next move to make. At least this isn’t that. Yet. 

But, still… Hen would be lying if she said she gets much sleep that night. 

September 8th, 2018

Denny is overflowing with joy in the morning. A few days of playing with boys his own age and he’s pretty much descended into being a total rascal. But compared to a child that only had adults for company and seemed a bit too old for his age, Hen will take a bit of  mischief and silliness any day. 

“What if something terrible happens?” Hen asks her wife quietly as they get ready for the day. “Denny is finally getting to be a normal kid.”

“I don’t know if this is normal,” Karen says, looking across the room to where Denny and Christopher are playing Connect 4. “But, yeah… I know. I can’t stop thinking, Eddie left his kid here. He trusted Maddie and all of us. Now what if when he gets back…”

God, Hen hadn’t even considered that. 

“I hope they get back soon,” Hen mumbles. “We could use numbers and weapons on our side, just in case.”

---

60 for ❄️:

---

Basically, Eddie can’t be blamed for any of this. He’s free of guilt. He didn’t mean to… Well, do anything. 

Really, all he wanted to do was be less of a fucking mess. 

i.

“I think group therapy would benefit you,” Frank says, one session in late June. 

Christopher is still gone and Gerrard is still captain and life still pretty much sucks. Every day just feels like an endless loop of fucking shit. 

“You firing me, Frank?” Eddie asks. “Took you longer than expected, actually.”

Eddie’s been doing that a lot lately. The whole sarcasm thing. More than usual. And not just to Frank. He’s even begun to make tiny, biting comments in Buck’s direction. Which is completely unfair of him because all Buck is doing is supporting him. Just… Well, sometimes Eddie doesn’t know what else to say when… When things are brought up. 

Frank smiles patiently. “I think group therapy would benefit you, in addition to our sessions together.”

Eddie blinks. “Twice the amount of therapy? Extra people? I don’t know.”

Frank nods. “Yeah, it’s not most people’s favorite idea at first. But the feedback is usually pretty good.”

“Why would I need a group?” Eddie asks. “These problems… They’re pretty specific to me.”

Though, if Frank can point him in the direction of a support group for people who have encountered eerie clones of their dead spouses, Eddie will shut his damn mouth and get going. If this is a recurring thing for people, that’s just insane. Eddie will gladly join that class action lawsuit against god or the universe or whatever Buck would interpret it as. 

“Not all of what we’ve talked about is specific to you, Eddie,” Frank says. “A lot of people struggle with-”

“But isn’t everything with Chris and Kim and all that the most pressing thing?” Eddie interrupts. “That’s what I need to solve first.”

“It all helps, Eddie. We’ve talked about this. You being in a better, more open and accepting place with yourself? That will help with the rest.”

Eddie groans a little. It all sounds so counterintuitive. Even though Eddie knows he’s probably right. Why should he get to work on accepting and loving himself, when the consequences of his actions are still hurting his son? Keeping him away from home? He shouldn’t get to be happy right now. 

But the thing is, Eddie made a promise. To Buck, first. The night Christopher left. More than that, though, to himself. He’s going to trust the process. Therapy. The whole nine yards. He’s not going to let this destroy him. 

[firewolf111]

Hello!! If you’re still doing these-

Could I maybe have like a Prinxiety one please?

Maybe angst and then a happy-ish ending, like the others are being jerks to Roman in just the canon-ish fashion, and he like gets upset (I headcanon, for example, that sometimes this happens and he goes nonverbal), and Virgil notices and kinda quietly goes to help him calm down? Idk just the first thing that popped into my head, if you do this, do what’s comfortable/what you want‼️

Thank you for reading this!! Have a good day/afternoon/night😁

Thank you for the request! <3

Took me a bit and turned out much longer than planned. But I hope you enjoy!

Also, I based Roman's troubles speaking off of my own experiences, so it may not be perfect.

Roman stands with his hands clasped in front of him. It's a basic meeting to discuss video ideas, yet his hands fidget with each other and he fights the urge to pace. Each flip of the page has him closer to giving in to that urge. The silence is loud, only interrupted by the occasional hum of thought and the flipping of notebook pages. He is on the verge of giving in to the need to break the silence when finally someone speaks.

Logan: None of this is usable.

Roman: *freezing as his blood runs cold* Pardon?

Logan: I said, none of this is usable. Were you too distracted by your frivolous daydreams to listen? That would explain the lack of quality in this work.

Patton: I'm sure it's not that bad.

Silence once again returns as Logan hands the notebook to Patton. Patton flips through it. His expression is one of hesitant disappointment. The truth is in his eyes, though it is clear he is reluctant to admit it. He hands the notebook to Janus, who until then was watching the whole thing with an unamused expression, opting to check his gloves instead of even bothering to look in Roman's direction.

Patton: Hey, Jan? What's your opinion?

A small anger flickers in Roman's chest briefly before sputtering out. He shouldn't be surprised that Patton is asking for Janus's opinion instead of offering his own. It means he can simply agree without having to be the one to break the bad news. It's a familiar dance, though it didn't use to be Janus he would ask, he had become the most common side he'd ask recently. He wishes Patton would just outright tell him he is a disappointment instead of playing the good cop, bad cop game he does.

Janus: Hmmmm. Logan is right. None of these are useful. Best to toss them and start again.

Roman: But-

Janus: There isn't much argument to make. It'd be quicker to just start over than to try and fix these. The viewers do expect a video soon. I doubt you'd want to disappoint them.

Roman: Well, no-

Patton: Well, there we go. Problem solved!

Roman: Hold on-

Logan: I expect the new ideas by the end of the week.

Janus: Well, this was eventful.

Virgil: *glancing between Roman and the others who have began packing their stuff up and preparing to end the meeting* Hold up guys-

Roman: You're not listening to me!

Everyone freezes and looks at him. Surprise quickly gives way to frustration, disappointment, and annoyance.

Logan: Now you don't need to throw a tantrum.

Roman: I'm not throwing a tantrum!

Janus: Mhmmm. Clearly not.

Roman: Well, it's not my fault you guys are out here talking about my ideas when you don't know what it takes to make them. You wouldn't know a good idea if it knocked on your door and introduced itself.

Patton: Now, Roman, let's play nice.

Logan: *scoffing* Clearly, you're the one who doesn't know what a good idea looks like if you think this *Gestures to the notebook* counts.

Roman: Do you know how long I worked on those?

Janus: Hm. Clearly not long enough.

Roman: You stay out of this, snake!

Patton: Roman!

Janus: Well I may be a snake, but you're the one throwing a hissy fit.

Roman: I am not throwing a hissy fit!

Patton: I mean...you kinda are. But that's okay! You're upset that your ideas aren't as good as you expected them to be. Of course, you're upset. But how about we channel that energy into something more productive.

Roman rubs his palms against his pants. Leave it to Patton to treat him like a child. He wants to scream. He wants to cry. He wants to run and hide. He wants to show them what a tantrum really looks like. His eyes remain on Patton's. He doesn't move or speak. He remains quiet, like a good little child.

Virgil: Guys. Don't you think you're being too hard on him? Surely, they weren't that bad.

Roman: Thank you, my violent violet.

Virgil: No problem. Though, don't let your ego get too big. Your singing is still annoying.

Roman: *rolling his eyes* At least I can sing. You sound like a dying cat.

Virgil: *opening his mouth to retort* Oh yeah. Well-

Patton: Roman! Now that was rude. Apologize.

Roman: What?

Patton: You heard me. Apologize.

Logan: And perhaps apologize to the rest of us for the time waste. Especially since you can't seem to be bothered to stay on topic.

Roman: But Virgil-

Patton: No excuses, mister.

Virgil: Guys. It's fine. I'm not at all offended. Besides, I was the one who pulled him off topic.

Logan: That's kind of you, Virgil, but Roman needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

Roman: *sighing* Fine. Virgil. I'm sorry for insulting your singing. I do actually quite like it. And I'm sorry for getting off topic and wasting your time.

Logan: Good. Now, back to the discussion. You are going to have new ideas by the end of the week. Correct?

Roman: But-

Logan: And these ideas will actually be usable and decent?

Roman: *swallowing* Of course, but-

Janus: *scoffing* You might be asking too much of him there, Logan.

Roman: *glancing at Patton, who says nothing*

Logan: Maybe. But does this sound agreeable to you, Roman?

Roman takes a breath before he becomes aware of the fact that his tongue feels like lead. He goes to speak, but only air comes out. He begs, not again, not now.

Logan: Well?

He tries. All he has to do is force the words out. He's done it before. Just force the words out. No matter how hard or uncomfortable. He manages to get his throat to move and his mouth to form the words, yet his vocal cords refuse to work. He can talk. He knows he can talk. He has forced himself through this before. It's all in his head.

Janus: I think you hurt the Prince's feelings and now he's giving us the silent treatment.

Logan: *sighing* Real mature, Roman.

It takes a few times, but he manages to get a few words out

Roman: sor- *he swallows and takes a deep breath* sorry. Was lost in thought.... *he takes another breath* I'll have it done by the end of the week.

Each word feels like it was dragged through his teeth and forced from his mouth, but he got it out. He can speak. He was just being over-dramatic. It doesn't matter if he had to force every word and overthink each syllable. He can speak. He just has to stop faking.

Logan: Good. Glad we figured that out. If that's all, I believe we can finally call this meeting to an end. An actual end this time.*He gives a pointed glare at Roman*

Roman just simply nods. He doesn't think he could argue again even if he wanted to. As everyone leaves, he heads to his room. Too wrapped up in his thoughts and the weight on his tongue, he doesn't notice Virgil's concerned looks as he walks away.

The door gets looked behind him as soon as he is in the safety of his room. He flops onto his bed and curls up into a ball under the blankets. He should start on coming up with new ideas, but he doubts he could focus at that moment. He'll start tomorrow.

The silence sits heavy in his mouth. It weighs down his tongue. He swears he can feel it slipping down his throat and curling up uncomfortablely in his chest. The silence converges on him. It squeezes his head and drills into his ears. It weighs heavy on his shoulders. Silence runs through his blood and veins and he hates it. Hates the way it feels tangible on his skin. He wants to claw the quiet away, to force out the words if only to get rid of this feeling.

He remains in his misery for 5 minutes, though it felt like an eternity, before there is a knock on the door.

Roman opens his mouth to respond, he isn't sure whether "come in" or "go away" would have been what came out, but it doesn't matter as nothing comes out. He exhales and opens his mouth to try again before deciding it isn't worth the energy. He reluctantly stands and opens the door, mentally preparing himself for a lecture from Logan or a "I know you can do better" speech from Patton, or even just some simple mockery from Janus. Yet, what greets him at the door is none of those things. It's Virgil.

Virgil: Do you mind if I come in?

Roman is tempted to turn him away, but he longs for the company to drive away the silence. Especially if it's Virgil. So, instead, he steps back and gestures Virgil in.

Virgil: *entering and watching Roman close the door* Are you okay?

Roman opens his mouth to speak, wanting to assure Virgil he is fine. He just has to force the words out. He can speak. There is nothing keeping him from speaking. He has forced himself out of moments like these before. He just has to speak. Just speak. Force it out. Suffer through it. Just. Speak.

And he almost manages to force out the words before Virgil stops him, realization clear in his face.

Virgil: You're nonverbal right now, aren't you?

Roman shakes his head. Because he isn't. He can talk. He's just being over-dramatic. There are people who are actually nonverbal or semi verbal. He was just being over-dramatic. He can talk, which means it isn't actually him going nonverbal or having a verbal shutdown. He can talk. He can. He just has to force it out. But he can talk.

He opens his mouth to tell Virgil that much when Virgil beats him to it.

Virgil: *opens his mouth, ready to argue before shaking his head* Okay. Do you want to talk right now?

Roman pauses. Was not speaking actually an option? Forcing words out seems like so much energy and it wasn’t the most comfortable. He wouldn't necessarily mind not talking. But would Virgil be okay with that?

Roman: *shrugs*

Virgil: That's okay. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Do you want me to stay?

Roman: *nodding without hesitation*

Virgil: Okay. Do you want *he holds up one finger* silent company,*he holds up a second* comfort, *he holds up a third one* or a distraction?

Roman: *flips between two fingers and three, torn between the two options*

Virgil: Both comfort and a distraction?

Roman: *nods*

Virgil: Okay. How about we cuddle and watch a movie?

Roman: *considering it for a moment before nodding*

Virgil: Disney?

Roman: *giving him his best "do you even have to ask" look*

Virgil: *understanding the expression and chuckling* Fair enough

It doesn't take long for them to get the movie on and to curl up under the blankets. Roman ends up curled up against Virgil's chest, one of Virgil's hands carding through his hair as the other holds him close. As the intro plays, Roman can feel the heavy weight of silence slip off his skin and he no longer feels the need to force himself to speak. The room is filled with music from the movie. He breathes a deep breath and feels at peace, even if his tongue still remains lead in his mouth. He simply whispers airy whispers beneath his breath as the first song plays. He doesn't bother forcing himself to hum or sing or even bother making the words into something more than a simple breath. He just let's the quiet rest gently on his tongue, and he is at peace.

He doesn't need to speak. Virgil understands.

[bambeebirdie]

This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.

I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was

Have some bonus content under the cut!

And sketches

(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Observing peoples reactions to morally gray or black actions committed by different characters is so funny. Throughout all of G. War the character tags were chock-full of people unironically enraged claiming “Bruce isn’t even capable of doing something bad like that.” about an action that is pretty well in line with his character journey thus far, meanwhile there are still new posts that gain traction that open with lines like “I know Jason has committed his fair share of sins/crimes but” like bro when. In 2010?

Also. The whole premise of the b*tfamily™ that you so love is built on the load bearing wall being that they are a crime family. Hell, do people just collectively forget the part where Bruce manufactures and freely uses weapons with his own furry brand logo plastered all over them, causing all sorts of 'explosions and more!' property damage all over the streets of Gotham? Pretty sure that makes him a terrorist but you people don't feel the need to go around reminding fandom of that every five minutes.

[arsenicflame]

hi so, checking in (sorry, its personal bullshit again, ill get back to the fandom stuff you actually wanted,,,, eventually)

things. are going bad. like, really bad, like last january bad. like im about to lose all my personhood again bad. im hoping its still just going to be a small blip and things will start upticking soon, but. im bracing for that not to be the case. it feels different to me

i vaguely mentioned earlier in the week taking a bit of a step back, and ive decided to extend that into a full break. my queues probably going to run out before im back, though i have slowed it down some. thatll be the only noticable difference for 99% of people. i wont guarantee any dm responses on here, but ill do my best for the couple of people who have me on discord

i didnt really want to do this again but it gets messy in my head, and ive found the best way to control the clawing beast of attention and need and the things that make me want to be a person i dont want to be is to cut it off at the source. its not nice, and it hurts, and it definitely kills the chances of making friends but. i promise you its better than the alternative.

ill see you when i see you, i guess. i hope its soon. i hope this isnt how it feels to be. i hope the feelings that have existed this week go dormant again. but itll be what itll be. i can't change that

[swiftfootedachilles]

what do i have to do to get people to read my stuff actually like im not about to get in everyones faces begging for attention but i dont understand how im expected to make FREE fandom content without much feedback on my work

[birdy-bird27]

I think I need to go to sleep soon my brain is once again is being haunted by the sad thoughts

[the-nysh]

... alright! i'm tired! tired of 90% of your blog being blacked out to me because i censored 'trigun' 😭 tell me, where do i begin? where do i start... consuming, this story? there's like, an anime, i know, and the... rewrite of said anime?? all based on a manga i assume??? where do i start. what do i see. what do i skip. tell me i cannot live with this hamster drip of nysh content 😭😭

...?! HOLD UP also rip to your blacklist omfg I was totally under the impression you already knew, since you were the very first to notice a while back and ask me opinionated stuff about it! x'D Fortunately I've answered a similar ask relating to your current predicament~

As you can probably guess, each 'version' of Trigun essentially has its own separate canon (the 98 anime, the manga, and the new Stampede anime; there's 3 whole cakes to enjoy here~) as different tellings of the story + characters that diverge to explore the core themes and messages in their own ways. I do not recommend skipping anything, as it all builds to the lore, world, and characters! :O (Yes, even the silly 'filler' breather eps in the 98 anime's first half all build towards the whole picture, slowly revealing bits and pieces along the way. Even the 'recap' ep at midway pieces everything about Vash's character together thru Meryl's perspective, then introduces more to reframe what's known about him in new complexity.)

But if you're familiar with the old 98 anime (as I've been since 20+yrs ago) I'd recommend a rewatch just to freshen your memory of what happens. JYB's iconic voice work for the dub makes it worth (re)watching alone. Note the anime was created before the manga was even finished, so it draws from the first few early volumes then essentially becomes its own anime-original plotline with different lore akin to how the first fma anime went for example. :O Which upon rewatching recently myself, while it def has some dated 90s bits/gags you can safely ignore, the writing's core messages, themes, intent, and character-driven growth are still very solid and satisfying, with plenty of room left open for more. The strong emotional beats hit very hard for some unsuspecting watchers - going from a seemingly silly lighthearted episodic slapstick comedy at first, to transitioning thru the tragedies of some very heavy/difficult topics later. But worth it for the hopeful, healing process of living through major loss and trauma, and recovering from suffering emotional breakdowns and depressive spirals. :') So fair warning to pace yourself with breaks if needed, without speeding/binge-watching through that kind of content (eps23-25 are where it Hurts the hardest)!

...Cause then the manga takes all those emotional beats (+ the plot & characters) even further and harder than the old anime ever could!!! 8'D That coming out of that will probably make you question your whole existence worldview. Yes, the story's one of those gems that'll probably change your life~ In ways you simply have to experience for yourself to decide what meaning/interpretation/value it holds for you.

But Stampede is completely different from the old anime, since it draws its lore from the completed manga! :O While restructuring and exploring things in a whole new way. As long as you realize that - to not compare it to the old anime (since it's not a 'rewrite' of that story at all) and see it with open eyes as its own independent artform, then you'll have a much better time. Since I'd read the manga beforehand, I really enjoyed seeing the many endgame plot elements Stampede mixed in to set up and enrich what happens. You can of course choose to go in watching blind without that manga knowledge--it's up to you, but imo there's many more layers of appreciation once you realize how much they happened to rearrange and spin into their own thing. (So personally, I'd check out the manga first so you aren't spoiled with sudden endgame elements introduced early here.) BECAUSE, the biggest telling hint is seeing the whole season's timeline as an establishing 'prelude' of sorts before one of the major story events [July City] even happens (cause in the original story--for both the manga & old anime, that incident happens before the story begins, but here it's all different lead up with modified character backstories) with plenty more to continue the manga's (Trimax's) unadapted plot later in s2. Where of course you can have preferences to how it's done, but the overall lesson here is to have patience and let Studio Orange cook, because they knew exactly what they were doing--they did their homework on many meticulous fields of Interest, with everything done with care and purpose (yes, all those conspicuous 'odd' details like the reason why Milly's not here yet- it's explained!) with genuine love for the source material. :'D

The source material which--yes, begins as the Trigun manga (2 vols) and continues renamed as Trigun Maximum (14vols) under a new publisher as a hard seinen. Which currently! The fandom's having a whole bookclub (re)reading event, so it's the perfect time to join in if you feel so inclined! 8'D For enjoying maximum emotional damage and suffering, but easier to cope, navigate, and process among a friendly and supportive group environment~ I've already read the official Dark Horse translation (easily found on most manga sites, but thankfully there's a new hardcover reprint incoming!) but currently I'm trying a reread of the overhaul fan translation instead, as I hear it's more accurate overall. :'3 Hopefully all this info helps, as I bet there's plenty of overwhelming content you may have missed out on!

[buzzards-sticky-fingers]

don't look at me 🫣🫣🥴🫠

saw this post and had this ficlet unfold in my head. sort of a sequel to this first doodle and features this finial thing

Smitten.

Blurr chews on the word in irritation, holding himself perfectly still as Red Alert delicately corrects the dent across his forehelm. The only parts he allows himself to move are his fingers, the left hand drumming steadily on the medbay berth and the right spinning a small navy triangle. That little chip of blue metal should be inlaid at the center of his forehelm, but the dent had popped it right out.

He very carefully doesn't let himself look at the door over Red Alert's shoulder, where a massive shape shuffles awkwardly.

Smitten, the past participle of smite, an equivalent of smote, as in smote with a mighty blow, smiting enemies on the battlefield, smitten with disaster. To be smitten is to have something inflicted upon you with great force. It is being on the receiving end of doom, and praying that doom is the sharpness of emotion instead of a weapon.

Blurr winces as the seams across his temple realign with a snap.

Perhaps being smitten with these emotions is simply a natural consequence of being bludgeoned in the face, and that bloom of absurd fondness he still feels is in fact the symptom of a concussion.

"Give it here," Red Alert mutters, holding out her hand. He deposits the chip in her palm and she aligns it with the hole in his helm. It's still just slightly deformed and resists sliding back into place under her thumb. He'd twitch if he weren't so focused on staying still, fingers going rat-a-tat against the berth.

Too intent on keeping himself frozen for the medic, he lets his gaze flicker over to the door. The soulful, embarrassed apology in the big yellow optics looking back at him strikes him immediately, and he has to grit his dentae against a blush.

Stricken, another violent word for what should be soft. To strike right for the spark, a fatal blow, all being fair in love and war. Struck dumb with affection or struck dead from mortification, or maybe vice versa with the way his luck has been going. Love-struck, even. Blurr spins the wheels in his pedes in some halfhearted attempt to speed away from the threat.

Buzzard is still watching him. They grimace and mouth "sorry" for the third time. He can't meet their gaze for fear of some further stupid reaction bubbling up inside him, but he looks everywhere else. Their spindly finials click against one another in waves, and the rotors on their back twirl one way, then the other. He follows a line down their arms to where they nervously tap their talons together, and then traces all the way down their legs to where they’re swaying back and forth from one pede to the other. Fidgeting with their whole frame, as usual, except for their wings. Those stay tucked tightly to their sides.

He squints at the corner of the wing that laid him low and swallows a grumble. Of course they aren’t even scratched.

The itch to test that assumption tingles in his fingertips, drumbeat faltering on the berth as he imagines running his hands across the trailing edge of their wing, skating up the flat plane to the faulds around their hip—he catches up to the errant thought and squashes it with a scowl. It earns him a thump on the brow plate.

“Hmm, Buzzard,” Red Alert says. “Would you help me for a moment?”

“Me?” they say from the doorway. “Are you sure I can?”

"If you can manage to resist clobbering Blurr in the face again, yes."

"It was an accident," Blurr defends Buzzard before they can reply. The raised brow Red Alert gives him in return makes him shut his mouth before he can wax poetic about the junker's natural enthusiasm, their full-body glee almost infectious—again he squashes the thought and grumbles "Considering the proximity, I should have dodged anyway, I would've been quick enough."

"And why didn't you?"

He'd been too busy watching Buzzard's face light up in delight at something-or-other to notice them fling out their arms and wings until he was flat on the floor with a dent across his helm, but that's none of her business.

Mercifully she turns to Buzzard. "Which of your finials is thinnest?"

"Oh, uh…" They tilt their head and thumb through their lopsided finials, popping out a long pink one. "Here."

"Hmm. This will do." Red Alert takes it and scorches it with a quick sanitizing beam from her prosthetic. "I need you to leverage it into the gap right here while I work this inlay back in. See how it's just a little concave?"

"Yeah." They have to bend over a bit to get a good look. This close, their flightframe height is almost intimidating, even with Blurr sat up on the berth.

There's no reason to feel their gaze so keenly on his armor. He determinedly chalks it up to lingering soreness. Even when their optics flicker down to catch on his own, and he has to cease his drumming entirely to clutch the lip of the berth so he doesn't do something stupid like reach out and touch them, he reminds himself that this is Buzzard, a teammate, who looks at him every day. Yes, maybe lately he's been a little hyperaware of the moments their gaze finds him, and he might be increasingly self conscious about what they're seeing, and it's entirely possible he's more uncomfortable with the imperfect state of his rebuilt frame under their scrutiny rather than the injury itself… but that really, really has nothing to do with the way he stares wordlessly back at them, enthralled, like a cervinoid in the headlights. Truly.

He could blink at any time.

Red Alert thumps him on the brow plate again, breaking the spell. "Quit craning your head back like that, I need you facing forward."

Enthralled, dear Primus, as in captured, captivated, made a slave to fascination. He certainly feels like a mindless thrall, following some subtle compulsion rooted into his basal code. It’s ridiculous. He used to be so level-headed!

The medic wedges the shiv-sharp end of the finial into the corner of the hole in his helm. It would be uncomfortable if she hadn't dulled his sensor net already. He wills himself to stay still just a moment longer, rat-a-tatting his fingers again and staring at Buzzard's wingtip at his eye level. Surely they don't need to stay this close—

"A little closer, if you please." Red Alert grabs Buzzard's hand and guides it to his helm. "I need you to provide just a little counter pressure when I slip this back in so it sinks home, otherwise it won't fit correctly and I'll have to do this all over again."

"Um. Okay," they say uncertainly. With two knuckles they stabilize their hand on his helm, and with their thumb they put just the barest hint of pressure on the lever of their finial. "Like this?"

"Perfect."

Blurr is pretty sure his internals have ceased functioning all at once. Even through the dialed-down nervous circuitry, Buzzard's touch blazes against his armor. The scant few sections of his processor not melting down are mourning the days when this would have been utterly unremarkable instead of the mortifying highlight of his week.

"Is this painful?" Red Alert gives him a concerned look. "Vent, Blurr. Has your sensory suite rebooted?"

Venting, right. He should probably try venting again.

"Sorry," Buzzard says softly for the dozenth time.

"I’m fine. You're fine. It’s fine," Blurr croaks.

They glance at Red Alert as she tweaks the corner of his inlay before lining it up with the gap. "Couldn't you do this with your interlink?"

"Not completely," she mutters as she concentrates. "Any hard-light projection can be cut off, so it would simply fizzle out if I had it pressed between two edges like this. I have specific tools for surgery, but this hardly merits breaking out those..."

"Wonderful," he says, pedes pitter-pattering against the side of the berth in an attempt to drag his attention away from Buzzard touching him. "I'll endeavor to avoid any and all injuries, shall I, if our medic doesn't believe the loss of a body part merits the use of proper medical tools—"

"And proper medical procedure." Red Alert gives him an unimpressed look. "You skip half the steps in every recovery plan I give you, I wasn't about to let you make a mess of my medbay just because you got impatient with the sanitation process. Buzzard, a little more into the corner. There we go."

"It was a very small body part, at least," they tell him, finials twitching upward. "She's only got one more edge to fit in."

He can see the hope in their face trying to buoy his mood, as if he's irritated at the injury instead of how besotted he knows he must look right now, over what?? Two measly points of contact?? It's humiliating and thrilling at the same time, and his wheels spin erratically with nervous energy.

Besotted, that's another one he didn't think of earlier. Rendered idiotic, made drunk on infatuation, stupefied to the point of hilarity. He's certain it couldn't get worse if Buzzard actively tried.

"You have a very sleek frame," Buzzard says, clearly trying to give him a stroke, glancing between his face and forehelm. "Knock-out did a good job. The one corner is just stubborn because it's not quite straightened, but normally I think it'd pop right in. All neat and clean-edged. It wouldn't be a problem if I had just..."

They frown and bring their other hand up to cup the side of his face, thumb tracing gently down the line of aching metal where their wing had scored his helm. "I promise I'll try harder to pay attention to you."

Nevermind, it got worse.

Is this what spark implosion feels like? He's certainly hot enough to plausibly be experiencing spark implosion. Blurr sees Red Alert's suspicious expression out of the corner of his unfocused optic but can't spare the emotional capacity to worry about it at the moment, not when Buzzard has both (both!) of their hands on his face. They're still frowning. They shouldn't be frowning, why are they frowning while looking at him?

“Y-you—you, you pay attention to exactly what you need to," oh no he's babbling, "which is quite frankly what I should have been doing instead of—it wasn't you failing to pay attention that caused this and I doubt it would be wise for my sanity to ask that you focus any more on me, so really don't set aside your energy to try and protect me when you have so many other things to be paying attention to, like your rocks or your sticker pages or any of your collection—I don't even know what all you have in your collection, it's impressive that you can keep track of so many pieces with such detail which is reason enough to decline your promise, you shouldn't be holding yourself so tightly when really it was my own responsibility for my safety—and how could you promise to focus on something that clearly worries you when you could instead keep looking at what makes you happy, you should be happy, not frowning, you're still frowning and I don't know why!"

With every word, his jaw presses just a little into Buzzard's palm. Did they catch any of that spiel? Was it intelligible? What was he saying again?

Red Alert gives him a look. "Were we supposed to understand those noises?"

Blurr has no attention to spare for her, caught instead by Buzzard. They blink a bit, frown easing into confusion, or heavy thought, or something solemn and serious when they should be light and free. Their thumb runs down his cheek this time, and he knows, he knows it doesn't mean much, they're equally touchy with Necro and Gremlin and anyone else who tolerates contact, but his spark still jumps in its chamber.

"I understood it," they say softly. "Thanks, I guess, um. It's not that I need to watch you all day or anything, but... I don't like hurting you on accident, Blurr. I don't like hurting you at all."

"You were expressing happiness," he insists. "and I was being stupid. A dent is worth it."

They're back to frowning, shaking their head with finials pinned down. "No, that's not how it works. I'm not happy if I'm hurting my friends, y'know?"

"This," Red Alert says drily. "is a uselessly circular conversation which can be easily had anywhere else on the ship."

Both Blurr and Buzzard look at her. "You're done?" the junker asks.

"I was done before he finished word-vomiting."

"Oh," the two of them say simultaneously.

Red Alert plucks out the makeshift lever of a finial from under Buzzard's fingers. "Here. If you want to use that guilt in a productive manner, you can check that hoard of yours for any spare transistors, I need a couple."

"Uh, transistors? Yeah, I think I've got... hang on." Buzzard sticks their finial in their mouth for a second to rifle through their cockpit.

Blurr watches them blankly, cheek still warm where they were touching him. He raises a limp hand to feel at his forehead before Red Alert bats it aside and wipes his browplate with a cloth. He hadn't even felt the little chip snap in place. It couldn't have been missing for more than fifteen minutes, but his processor is spinning from an emotional marathon.

Buzzard closes their cockpit and hums in thought. "They're back on my shelves, I think. Gimme a minute."

"Thank you. Try not to dent anyone else on the way over," Red Alert says. They give her a sheepish smile and then duck out the door with one last glance at Blurr.

It may be wishful thinking, but he's pretty sure their wings were no longer huddled so tightly to their sides.

"Well?" the medic asks him a few moments later. "You're healed. Will you sit there staring at the wall all day? I thought you'd be halfway across the ship by now."

He runs a thumb across his helm and can barely feel a dip now.

"It isn't as if I doubt the quality of your work as a medic, Red Alert," he begins cautiously. "and believe me when I say I'm grateful for your skill and care, no matter how abrasively that care may be expressed at times—"

She raises a brow. "The point?"

"Would you mind checking for a concussion again, please?"

"Why?"

Because he wasn't this hopeless half an hour ago. Surely his refurbished neurocircuitry had been rattled into insanity. It couldn't be genuine, a single touch shouldn't be making his spark pound just at the memory of it. And all over Buzzard. They are just. Just. It has to be a concussion. He opens his mouth to confess just how unbalanced he feels, simply helm over pedes, utterly crazy about the very one who nearly knocked him out, and just barely manages to swallow the building monologue with the most impressive feat of self control he's accomplished in years.

"I feel... woozy."

Red Alert guffaws. "Yeah, I could tell!"

He hunches into himself on the berth, fighting another blush at feeling so uncomfortably seen. Despite the wry look on her face, Red Alert runs a quick check, testing the vibrancy of his optics, his sense of balance, his memory.

"You appear to be functioning optimally," she announces, like he was dreading she would. "No processor issues apparent. If it weren't for the particular faults of your current frame, I doubt you would've gotten much more than a light ding in the first place."

Crazy, then. Crazy about them, or driven to insanity, and just all of a sudden aware of how far down he's spiraled. Keen on them, twitterpated, out of his mind, lovesick. Is this going to be a reoccurring problem? Should he start accounting for loss of processor power in their presence? Could he accidentally end up staying too long around Buzzard and dropping all higher function until he forgets the need to escape entirely?

That actually doesn't sound too bad. Now he knows he's going crazy.

"You seemed pretty intent on not letting Buzzard take responsibility," Red Alert says as she cleans her workspace. "Staring at them the whole time, too. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're smitten."

He freezes on the edge of the berth, flushing purple.

She glances at him with a half-smile, like her statement was supposed to be ironic, but it drops when she sees his expression. "Wait. Hang on, you actually—?"

But Blurr is already halfway down the hall outside the medbay and picking up speed. He doesn't stop running until he's clear on the other side of the ship.

This whole... love thing, it's rather violent, and destabilizing, and uncomfortable. Buzzard is—well, not perfect, but close enough, they're certainly not the problem here. He can't help but feel the accidental victim to an oblivious perpetrator, squeezing his spark like a stress toy while he's putty in their hands.

Actually he doesn't much mind the thought of their hands on his spark, and wonders if they ever think of that, of letting their touch explore further than armor—he smacks his newly repaired forehelm with a growl as he squashes the thought.

Clearly, being in love is an uphill battle. It's not very pleasant from his perspective, with Buzzard winning handily without even trying, as far as he can tell. He huffs and shakes himself out a bit, trying to find some semblance of equilibrium again. If he weren't so smitten then maybe he'd stand a chance, or if they were on even ground and Buzzard was smitten... Blurr closes his optics against the rush of warmth that thought elicits.

Right, then. If he's going down, he won't go down without a fight. Buzzard shouldn't get all the victories here. Time to start punching back.