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#this isn't about anything specific it's bothered me for years
theghostofashton · 8 months
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something to be said about how easily characters of color have their trauma diminished. how swiftly and thoughtlessly people decide that it is inconvenient or burdensome, to have to consider, to have to care about the way a character of color's life experience and trauma may have affected their decision making. how characters of color either have their trauma sanitized or disregarded and how both serve the ultimate goal of diminishing it. diminishing the reality of non-palatable reactions to trauma, the possibility that it may affect their behavior in ways that are seemingly obvious when talking about white characters. characters of color are either perfect angels who can't be flawed and will never do a thing wrong or evil villains with malicious intentions solely existing to cause problems. never real, never human, either examples of what to be or what not to be. it's exhausting.
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onewholivesinloops · 1 year
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i love not remembering anything about my life. i only came into existence two years ago. everything before that was a long dream and even now i remain in a fugue state.
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medicinemane · 12 days
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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inkdrinkerworld · 2 months
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hey there <3 I can’t find whether your requests are open so ignore this if you’re not accepting!!
I am on my knees asking for more of your bfb!remus… I need it, the world needs it. moony finally giving in after years of denying the reader for james’ sake 😫 this dynamic is everything
You're Jamies' baby sister and Remus can't believe he's got the fattest crush on you.
You're three years younger than him which isn't the thing that bothers Remus. What bothers him is the reaction James might have.
Remus should've never said yes to this damn vacation. You're all at the Potter's summer house, a life of dipping in the pool and then hitting the beach soon after.
Right now you're at the beach, and while James and Sirius are wrestling each other in the water, Remus can't pull his eyes off you as you build sandcastles and decorate them with shells that you'd found along the shore.
You can feel his eyes on you every now and then, and hide a smirk. You're pretty sure everyone knows you and Remus are head over heels for each other, he just never takes your advances as advances- much to your disappointment.
You shake your head a little, pieces of hair coming undone before you set your trap.
"Remmy, will you come help me?" You look up at him and the hair that had been braided back as all loosened and fallen in your face. You look like an angel of destruction like this- specifically his destruction.
"I'm not sure how well I can braid, dove. You know that's Jamie's strong suit." His knees crack as he stands and sets his book down before making his way over to you.
"Doesn't have to look pretty Rem, just need it out of my face so I can finish this castle."
Remus' hands are gentle as they pull the hair tie off, "Tell me if I'm pulling too hard."
You take a chance, "I can handle a little bit of pain, Rem." His breath hitches and you smile.
"Are you on the shore for me Remus? Because I'm a big girl now, you can go wrestle in the water with the boys."
Remus rolls his eyes, "I know you are, but why would I willingly let Sirius and James hold me under water?"
Remus' braid doesn't look as good as yours had, but it's swept all the hair out of your face. You turn to face him as he ties the braid off, a wide smile on your face.
"Remus I have an important question." you lean back on your palms and Remus can feel the back of his neck on fire. Your stupid little belly ring is a constant torment in his mind, always dangling over your tummy and making his brain short circuit.
"I'll answer if I can, dove." He's nervous, anything can come out of your mouth, no filter. He thinks it's sweet that you never censor yourself, Euphemia and Fleamont had ensured that their kids were never insecure about that.
You take a deep breath and Remus looks away from your glittery red bikini top. You smile and hide it quickly, "Are you scared to kiss me because of James?"
Remus looks over his shoulder, James and Sirius body surfing now. He leans in, sandy brown hair and hazel eyes all you can see- not that you mind.
"Or do you not like me anymore?" You know that's not true, but if Remus doesn't kiss you by tonight, you're going to go insane.
"Not like you?" Remus chuckles, his hand reaching for your cheek. "Dove, you don't ask silly questions." You really don't. "Of course I like you, I like you so much sometimes I can't look at you because I want to kiss you stupid."
It's your turn for your breath to hitch. "Then why haven't you kissed me yet?" Remus smiles, you sound so petulant and pouty, so unlike yourself that he leans in a little more.
Your nose brushes his, lips just barely touching and you frown. "Remus."
He groans, and pulls you closer, lips locking and you melt into him. It's a gentle kiss, experimental and slow. Your hands comb through his hair and pull him a little closer, making him deepen the kiss.
You hear whopping and hollering, "Fucking finally Moony!" It's your brother and the shock causes you both to pull away.
You heart is racing and Remus chases your lips for a second kiss. "Took you long enough." you whisper and he shakes his head.
"Did that kiss magically make you mouthy, pretty girl?" You nod, smiling like a giddy fool as Remus stares down at you.
"Moony, you couldn't wait till the end of the trip? Now I have to do the washing up for the rest of the week." Sirius moans as he and James meet you at your sandcastle fortress.
"No, I really couldn't." he's looking directly in your eyes as he says it.
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elucubrare · 1 year
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What are your biggest turn-offs when reading/watching historical fiction or retellings of myths?
this is really complicated - i can put it in two boxes, both of which are packed very full.
disconnection from the material reality of the past
when characters display a very specifically modern mindset (about social issues especially, but other stuff too)
(I also get bothered by some kinds of modern language - I don't mind it when, idk, an author uses "sensible" with the modern connotation of "practical" and not the 18th century "emotional" or "empathetic", but "yeah" or "okay," or even, as i found out when someone used it in medieval fantasy, "holy shit" will get on my nerves.)
there are modern things where (made up example!) a character who's supposed to be a cook will talk about making caprese salad for a fancy restaurant in December, and someone snarking on the book will say "yeah, right, they should know better than to make something that depends on a fresh summer vegetable!" and even with greenhouses, that's pretty fair. and that's even more extreme in the past. it's 1650 in Verona, it's December, you cannot obtain fresh tomatoes. i don't think this means that people in the past were, necessarily, more emotionally or spiritually in tune with the cycle of the year, or the labor it took to get clothes, or furniture, or any other material item, and of course wealth can insulate people from some of that difficulty, but it does mean that the seasons had more direct impact on people's lives. It's possible to, for example, buy clothes ready-made, but for anything fancy, it's more likely that it'll be made to fit if it's new, or altered extensively and painstakingly if it's not. that means that tearing or staining a fancy dress isn't just an issue of looking bad - you can't just replace it, and you probably won't throw it out - you figure out how to reuse it. those concerns of access to material goods are just a lot closer to the surface of the world than they often are now.
my objections to modern attitudes about the world are not that people in the past 100% accepted the views of their contemporaries - there were always people who didn't, and it makes sense that a protagonist would be one of them. but people wouldn't phrase those objections in the same way that modern people would - say your main character doesn't want a woman accused of being a witch burned. "God's power is such that the Devil cannot give this woman the ability to sour milk" is most likely going to be more persuasive to the crowd than "witches aren't real." and sometimes that's rough - it's not super fun to read about a Roman with Roman attitudes about provincial wars, or slavery in the city, but I put something down because a Roman character said (in internal dialogue) that he was disgusted to see that a man had been tortured because "Romans simply didn't do that." Historical Romans did do that, routinely - a slave could not testify in a law court unless they had been tortured. Even with distasteful things like that, I'd much rather it just be glossed over than to have them say the "correct" modern thing. It just makes it feel too much like the theme park version of the culture.
Both of these are because of specific things I come to historical fiction for - I want that sense of alienation, the gulf of experience. I hate that most historical fiction (and fantasy set in semi-recognizable periods) characters don't really care about Honor, except as a joke, because I love when characters organize their lives around arcane rules and systems that cause tiny things to escalate into blood feud. I just think they're neat! I like it when people's worldviews are shaped by their lack of scientific certainty about what causes crops to fail! If I wanted to read about people who thought and acted like me, and had lives that were mostly similar to mine, only cooler, I'd just read contemporary fiction.
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machine-saint · 1 year
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the op of that "you should restart your computer every few days" post blocked me so i'm going to perform the full hater move of writing my own post to explain why he's wrong
why should you listen to me: took operating system design and a "how to go from transistors to a pipelined CPU" class in college, i have several servers (one physical, four virtual) that i maintain, i use nixos which is the linux distribution for people who are even bigger fucking nerds about computers than the typical linux user. i also ran this past the other people i know that are similarly tech competent and they also agreed OP is wrong (haven't run this post by them but nothing i say here is controversial).
anyway the tl;dr here is:
you don't need to shut down or restart your computer unless something is wrong or you need to install updates
i think this misconception that restarting is necessary comes from the fact that restarting often fixes problems, and so people think that the problems are because of the not restarting. this is, generally, not true. in most cases there's some specific program (or part of the operating system) that's gotten into a bad state, and restarting that one program would fix it. but restarting is easier since you don't have to identify specifically what's gone wrong. the most common problem i can think of that wouldn't fall under this category is your graphics card drivers fucking up; that's not something you can easily reinitialize without restarting the entire OS.
this isn't saying that restarting is a bad step; if you don't want to bother trying to figure out the problem, it's not a bad first go. personally, if something goes wrong i like to try to solve it without a restart, but i also know way, way more about computers than most people.
as more evidence to point to this, i would point out that servers are typically not restarted unless there's a specific need. this is not because they run special operating systems or have special parts; people can and do run servers using commodity consumer hardware, and while linux is much more common in the server world, it doesn't have any special features to make it more capable of long operation. my server with the longest uptime is 9 months, and i'd have one with even more uptime than that if i hadn't fucked it up so bad two months ago i had to restore from a full disk backup. the laptop i'm typing this on has about a month of uptime (including time spent in sleep mode). i've had servers with uptimes measuring in years.
there's also a lot of people that think that the parts being at an elevated temperature just from running is harmful. this is also, in general, not true. i'd be worried about running it at 100% full blast CPU/GPU for months on end, but nobody reading this post is doing that.
the other reason i see a lot is energy use. the typical energy use of a computer not doing anything is like... 20-30 watts. this is about two or three lightbulbs worth. that's not nothing, but it's not a lot to be concerned over. in terms of monetary cost, that's maybe $10 on your power bill. if it's in sleep mode it's even less, and if it's in full-blown hibernation mode it's literally zero.
there are also people in the replies to that post giving reasons. all of them are false.
temporary files generally don't use enough disk space to be worth worrying about
programs that leak memory return it all to the OS when they're closed, so it's enough to just close the program itself. and the OS generally doesn't leak memory.
'clearing your RAM' is not a thing you need to do. neither is resetting your registry values.
your computer can absolutely use disk space from deleted files without a restart. i've taken a server that was almost completely full, deleted a bunch of unnecessary files, and it continued fine without a restart.
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songbirdseung · 7 months
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you again? / park jongseong
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synopsis: fate loves bringing you and jay together, specifically in an airport with same flights and destinations.
pairing: idol!jay x non-idol!yn
first encounter / 8 years old
"honey, help your dad with the bags." it was that time again, your biannual family trip. Summer was here and it was time to unwind and relax.
you hopped out of the car holding your little black cat plushie and ran to the carts near the airport entrance then brought it back to your father. "thank you sweetie" he pats your head and starts unloading the trunk.
as you went through the airport check in, security, and duty free you greeted everyone with a wave and hello, your mom holding your free hand with a smile on her face as she looked at you. "you little sunshine, you really like making friends?" she asked as you reached your gate; you nod enthusiastically.
your eyes still scan the airport with the same glimmer of curiosity and excitement, even if you've been to that airport more than your little fingers could count. you take in the summer decorations and in the midst of that, your eyes land on a boy who you think is the same age as you. taking in his features and glance down at your cat plushie, picking it up so it could be at the same level as the boy's face. you smile and see a resemblance. "mommy, look that boy looks like my kitty cat." she agrees and teases you about your little crush. "i didn't say that" you whine and pout. "oh yeah, if you don't have a crush on him, go talk to him" she chuckles and nudges her husband as they both watch you walk over to the boy.
"hi, im yn. what's your name?" you say as you sit next to him. he pays you no attention as he continues to play with his nintendo ds. his dad notices your presence and gives you a warm smile, he then removes the gadget out of his son's hands. before he could say anything, his dad points in your direction. finally, his eyes meet yours. "she asked you for your name, son" poor boy is so confused and wonders how long you have been sitting next to him. "im..jay"
second encounter / 9 years old
here you were again, at the airport getting ready to go. you were sitting at the airport's many food courts with your parents when you saw him again. even your own parents were shocked when they realized you still remember the boy you met last year, a boy you only talked to for 25 minutes. placing your hot chocolate which would now be forgotten as you ran 4 tables down to where he was.
"jay? my black cat jay? that's you right?" you were met with another warm smile from his parents and a confused stare from jay. "i met you last year and you probably don't remember me but that doesn't matter, it's nice to see you again. you ramble and tug at his long sleeve in excitement. his dad offers you a chair and helps you get up. "i'm sorry about her" your mom says from behind you. only to be reassured that it was fine and they love the interactions.
after jay's parents offered your parents to sit with them and let the two children have fun. (more like you bothering jay for the time being). there was a good 30 minutes that went by when the airport was announcing your flight was boarding. you all bid your goodbyes and as you were leaving, you noticed a plushie next to jay, it was your black cat plush you gave him last year.
third encounter / 9 years old
it wasn't a long wait to see him again, because in a few months. you met him again. this time, he wasn't so reluctant to see or talk to you. this time, he was actually having a great time playing games with you. so much fun that his parents were filming the two of you so later on the plane his parents would tease him and say he has a crush on you. oh, and your parents would do the same.
"isn't it funny how we only see each other at the airport and never anywhere else?"
"yeah, but we meet every year, so i'm not worried to not see you and having fun"
you two innocent souls did not know what would be happening next.
fourth encounter / 18 years old
you sighed for the nth time because you were sitting in the same uncomfortable airport benches. your friend decided it was better to arrive at the airport 4 hours earlier than boarding time. your apartment in seoul was only 20 minutes away from the airport, but for some reason you were here at the airport earlier than you wanted.
to kill time, you were walking around the airport's duty free. distracting yourself from the excruciating time wait. while you were doing so, you noticed a bunch of cameras when you reached back to your gate. you said whatever and walked past to explore the airport you have already been in.
"why can't we go back to our gate, we are definitely not going to have any seats left" your best friend whined as she tried to drag you back to the gate. "who else is going to arrive when our flight is in 3 hours?"
after a few minutes of bickering, you decided to sit down and give your legs and feet a break from all that walking. going back to the gate, you scanned the camera crew and what they were filming, you took notice of seven good looking guys, assuming they were actors or singers. you shrugged and minded your own business and sat back in the seat you and your best friend sat earlier.
putting your headphones on and opening your laptop to watch a movie to kill time. what you failed to notice was one of those seven boys looking at you. jay, noticed you ever since you walked past them the first time. in his eyes and mind, you looked very familiar, despite not seeing each other in 9 years, he remembered you.
debating whether or not to approach you or not, was it okay? did you even remember him. it has been 9 years and you both grown up so much. shortly after, you sensed a person sitting next to you. typically, your younger self would have greeted them but now that you were a young adult, you realized and found out that not all people are nice. so, you sat there in silence, still scrolling on your phone with your headphones in. only for that peace and serenity to be taken away from you when the person next to you took one of your headphones off. "you're not even going to say hi?" it was jay, your black cat.
fifth encounter / 20 years old
today was a little weird. you always found it easy to get through the airport with no problems. but today, you had time to find parking, to get through a crowd that usually was never there. upon reaching the entrance, you noticed so many girls holding up their phones and waiting on someone. you shrug your shoulders, thinking it's just another celebrity going overseas for a work schedule.
either way, you got to your gate and sat at the waiting area near your gate. sipping on your coffee as you replied back to the "safe travels" text you got from your family and friends. as you were watching tiktoks, you stumbled upon a video of jay and his group. it's been two years since the last time you saw him and both of you didn't even think of getting each other's numbers or social medias. but then again you did not want to distract him or get him in trouble if ever.
for some reason, you kind of wished that fate would bring you together again, since it loves to only let you meet him in the airport. so, you were looking out for him.
right on cue, he walks through the airport with his crew. then something hits you, what if you see him and he sees you then he doesn't remember you because he does meet to many people a day and what if you wave at him and thinks you're a fan? so many what if fill you mind that when he finally sees you, you're not looking.
but luckily, you again, have the same flight to germany. he splits from the group and decides to sit next to you despite the manager calling out to him. "you look like you're deep in thought yn" you whip your head, and he chuckles at your shocked expression. "oh, c'mon we always meet at the airport, why you still shocked i'm here?" you nudge him in the shoulder and explain your side.
it felt nice talking to jay, even though you two were both yappers, your dynamic somehow fit together like pieces of a puzzle. "do you still have that cat i gave you when we were 8?"
"you shouldn't be worried of me not remembering you, because that plushie sleeps next to me on my bed."
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minminbunny · 7 days
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Stalker X Stalker AU - Lurker! Han Jisung/Exhibitionist Gender Neutral! Reader
*smut part - AFAB/AMAB
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You furrowed your eyebrows, walking down the stairs to open your front door. The doorbell rang but when you opened it, no one was there. Only a pretty little box sat on your welcome mat. You looked around and picked it up, your name was written on the tag. 'Can't be wrong address then,' you thought, bringing the box in. You tugged on the ribbon and opened it. Your heart sank at the contents, a bloody letter. 
At least what you initially thought was blood, there wasn't a familiar metallic smell, it smelled closer to strawberry jam. You took a whiff and it was indeed strawberry jam. You stifled a chuckle and placed the letter aside, further within the box was a quokka plush, and it smelled like cologne. You brought it to your nose and melted, deep subtle musky, more floral than anything. "This isn't so bad," you murmured, looking deeper within the box, only to find a bracelet, it had a singular charm. It was about time you checked the letter, it wrote:
"To my precious love,
If you're reading this, you received my gift. I may have been eating a jelly sandwich while thinking of what to write. I hope the gifts are to your liking. The bracelet is incomplete, but don't worry. This isn't the only gift. One day it'll be complete with me by your side.
Yours Truly,
J.One"
You stared at the alias, trying to figure out who your secret admirer is. Maybe he's near, maybe he's long distance, you would never know. You held the quokka plush close, "I hope to see you too," you whispered, stroking the fur. Jisung gulped, watching the whole unboxing through a video camera he installed around the house. The cameras were installed during the previous tenant and they didn't tell you. 
It was a surprise to him when he saw you move in. His heart pounded, his pupils dilated, it was love at first sight. Even through a PC screen. Jisung released a shaky breath, relieved that you liked the gift. He already had them planned to send out on specific days "Wait for me, baby. I'll be there at the end of all of this," he whispered, watching you with a lovesick gaze. 
You knew there were cameras but you didn't bother to turn them off. You liked being watched, liked pretending you were in a show like the office where the camera pans to the person. It was fun, and you had access to them too, so it did serve as a security feature. The one in your bedroom was odd but it only spurred on your filthy desires. 
You wanted to be on display but being a cam person or an only fans model might hinder your working experience. It was a risk you weren't willing to take. You plopped yourself onto the bed, quokka plush in arms as you looked into the camera, "I know you're watching me," you feint afraid, clutching the quokka close. "Are you J.One?" you asked, knowing you wouldn't get a response. 
You plopped on the bed, "If you are then you'd know I liked the gifts. Would rather have you here though," you mumbled, feeling touch starved after all these years. "You know, I used to wish that the monster under my bed was real so I could get cuddles. It was desperate but the offer still stands," you said, showing a bit of your true intentions. Jisung gulped, hearing your sweet voice address you directly, "Soon, my love. I'll give you what you need soon," he said, grazing your cheek on the screen.
Day after day a new box arrived at your door. Each day brought a different charm, a guitar, a music note, a knife, a coffee cup. Today was just another day where you unbox your gift,  the bracelet stayed around your wrist like a physical claim. You didn't want to take it off and Jisung loved hearing the click clacks of the charms when you walked around the house. "Pretty," you whispered, tracing the letter in your hands. Jisung got more diligent with his letter decorating after knowing that you kept it in your safekeeping box. The letter read:
"To my darling love,
I hope the day finds you well. You looked absolutely adorable with your little bracelet. Wouldn't you like to imagine me pinning you down while the jingle with each thrust? I fantasize a lot, my dear. The gift today is a bit more mature to say, if you're comfortable. I'll be honored to see you in it.
Your love,
J.One"
You gulped at thought, your breathing getting shallow as you looked deeper into the box. Your breath hitched as you took it up, a skimpy lacy lingerie. A simple slip on lingerie that didn't hide much to the imagination. You looked deeper into the box and found a pair of animal ears and a tail. A soft scoff escaped your lips, "You bastard," you smiled, holding it up to the camera. 
"Kinky aren't you?" you teased, rolling your eyes. You held the outfit in your hands, "I'll wear them, on one condition," you said, crossing your arms. Jisung smirked, willing to do whatever you asked. You bit your bottom lip, "Call me, please. It's scary if I play alone, J.One," you sulked, jutting you lips in attempt to swoon him. Jisung gulped, his cock throbbed at the sight. Your pretty gaze made his mind spin. 
He clicked on your contact, it was already saved to 'My Love'. You flinched when your phone rang, you didn't expect him to comply, "Hello?" you asked, nervousness evident on your face. Jisung chuckled, sending shivers down your spine, "I'm weak to a doll like you. One pity gaze and I'm on my knees, darling. Are you happy to hear my voice?" he asked, loving the way you pressed your thighs together. 
You nodded your head, knowing he's watching, "Yes. You sound great. I'm glad to put a voice to the name," you said, hands trembling from excitement. Jisung cooed, "I'm happy you like my voice, doll. Now, why don't you get changed, hm? Let me see you in that pretty outfit I chose," he encouraged, palming his cock with his other hand. You nodded and did as told, changing into the skimpy lingerie with it's accessories. 
Jisung looked away from the camera, not wanting to ruin his own surprise, "May I look now, love?" he asked, trying to keep his moans subtle. "Take a look," you said, bashfully showing him the outfit. Jisung groaned, squeezing his bulge at the sight, "Fuck, baby. You look stunning. Come on, give me a twirl," he instructed, tugging down his pants. You did as told and bit your bottom lip, "Can we go play now?" you asked, eager to touch yourself. Jisung hissed, letting his cock spring against his abdomen, "Of course, darling. Give me a show," he chuckled, watching you trip over your feet as you scurried up the stairs.
NSFW BELOW CUT
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AFAB
"Spread your legs further, that's it," he instructed, watching you thrust your dildo in and out of your tight fluttering cunt. He zoomed the camera in, ensuring a 4K view. You arched your back, thrusting the toy to his commands, the pillow beneath your ass gave him a better view. "Hah, hah, hhgh," you gasped, pumping the toy at a languid pace. You needed more, your body craved more as you listened to Jisung's throaty groans. 
"That's it, take it slow. You're doing so mmh good for me, darling," thrusting his hips within his flashlight in sync with yours. You whimpered at the squelching audio echo within your ears, "Need faster, J. Please," you hiccuped, clenching around the dildo just to feel more. 
Jisung chuckled, "I can't torture my baby doll too long. Pick up the pace, darling. Pound your cunt like you normally would, Show how fucking good that cunt of yours take cock," he growled, hearing your broken whines and moans as you twist and thrust the dildo at a relentless pace. It was raw, needy and desperate. Just the way you loved it. 
Jisung groaned, bucking his hips to match your pace, "Shit, shit, hah. Rub your clit, love. Fuck, hhgh, cum with me," he grits, pounding the fleshight as rough as you were, his eyes glued to the screen when you screamed out his name. "Fuck, fuck, Jisung!" you sobbed, creaming around your dildo. Jisung choked on his breath, cumming into the toy with little to no resistance, "Fuck," he gasped,  filling up the flashlight with his orgasm. 
You whimpered, thrusting the dildo to ease down your high, "Jisung," you mewled, staring into the camera. Jisung gulped, slumping back into his seat, "Tell me, doll. How do you know my name?" he asked, brushing his hair back. You gave him a dopey smile, "I knew since the beginning, Han. I always knew," you said, reaching your hand beneath your pillow to pull out his missing boxers. Jisung chuckled, resting his head on the desk, "Fuck, love. You got me all hard again," he growled, staring at the screen. You bit your bottom lip, "Good, 'cause I'm ready for round 2," you giggled, giving him a flying kiss.
AMAB
"Spread your legs further, that's it," he instructed, watching you thrust your dildo in and out of your tight fluttering hole. He zoomed the camera in, ensuring a 4K view. You arched your back, thrusting the toy to his commands, the pillow beneath your ass gave him a better view. "Hah, hah, hhgh," you gasped, pumping the toy at a languid pace. You needed more, your body craved more as you listened to Jisung's throaty groans. 
"That's it, take it slow. You're doing so mmh good for me, darling," thrusting his hips within his flashlight in sync with yours. You whimpered at the squelching audio echo within your ears, "Need faster, J. Please," you hiccuped, clenching around the dildo just to feel more. 
Jisung chuckled, "I can't torture my baby doll too long. Pick up the pace, darling. Pound your hole like you normally would, Show how fucking good that hole of yours take cock," he growled, hearing your broken whines and moans as you twist and thrust the dildo at a relentless pace. It was raw, needy and desperate. Just the way you loved it. 
Jisung groaned, bucking his hips to match your pace, "Shit, shit, hah. Rub your cockhead, love. Fuck, hhgh, cum with me," he grits, pounding the fleshight as rough as you were, his eyes glued to the screen when you screamed out his name. "Fuck, fuck, Jisung!" you sobbed, creaming onto your torso. Jisung choked on his breath, cumming into the toy with little to no resistance, "Fuck," he gasped,  filling up the flashlight with his orgasm. 
You whimpered, thrusting the dildo to ease down your high, "Jisung," you mewled, staring into the camera. Jisung gulped, slumping back into his seat, "Tell me, doll. How do you know my name?" he asked, brushing his hair back. You gave him a dopey smile, "I knew since the beginning, Han. I always knew," you said, reaching your hand beneath your pillow to pull out his missing boxers. Jisung chuckled, resting his head on the desk, "Fuck, love. You got me all hard again," he growled, staring at the screen. You bit your bottom lip, "Good, 'cause I'm ready for round 2," you giggled, giving him a flying kiss.
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kinkandkreep · 3 months
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Celebratory Blue Lock Boi Yandere Interpretations: Ryusei Shidou, Yoichi Isagi, Meguru Bachira, Reo Mikage, Rin Itoshi
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A/N:...Hey hey y'all...🙂 Ok, so I fuckin' lied I am so sorry. 😭 These was sposed to be for my birthday yestaday but the day got so busy and I was tied den a mug, so posting these did not happen. 🙃 But! Alas, I am here now, and I have for you all my introductory yandere interpretations for 5 of the Blue Lock boyos!
Keep in mind, I am still getting caught up on the anime so if anything reads off, I apologize. I'll very likely either come back and adjust these as I become more familiar with their personalities or just post a whole new set for each boy.
Anyway, enjoy!
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Ryusei Shidou: 
Let me just say right off the bat that I get the strong notion that Ryusei is gonna swiftly become my favorite character the more exposed I am to him (like I already love his design and that weird sexual edge his character possesses 😏)
That aside, as a Yandere, I envision that he maintains that same intense energy he has about football, it just manifests a little differently
You make his heart “explode,” in a similar fashion to his precious football- either that, or you possess an “explosive” quality within yourself that draws him in
I saw someone say that outside of a few specific circumstances, Ryu is a pretty chill dude, which I think is 100% true
And I believe this can even apply to you, in the Yandere sense as well
Ryusei can be intense, and a little monopolizing 
He's also somewhat possessive 
But for the most part, as long as he knows you're his and you continue to make him “explode,” Ryusei isn't the worst Yan to have
Now, in my research, I have seen some interpretations of him where he’s much more sadistic than I personally envision him to be, which of course is fine, but just know that my Ryusei can’t really be bothered to act sadistically unless you try to fight him
Exactly why you’d try to do that is beyond me, but if you did happen to want to start a physical altercation with Ryu, he may be inclined to be a little rough with you, just to show a bit of what he’s capable of and also keep you in check
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Yoichi Isagi:
I just look at Yoichi and a single phrase comes to mind- “he’s a sweetheart unless provoked”
You, provoke him
You make this nagging little voice in the back of his head make the Spongebob “wee-woo” sound at like max volume every time you’re in each other’s vicinity
Yandere Yoichi adores you
He’s like a little pup around you, always wanting attention and affirmation and reassurance that he’s the best, and the he’s going to be the best, and that throughout it all you’ll never leave him
But! He can also be kind of intense and maybe a bit of an asshole
Like just look at him and tell me you don’t get that vibe
I’m new to the game as it relates to Blue Lock but from what I’ve gleaned, Yoichi has a sort of metaphorical switch that turns on and off depending on the circumstance
Things get heavy when he’s on the field, and that’s when his “Ego” comes out
It makes him more cocky and confident, from what I understand, and I’d say the same thing applies where it concerns you
For the most part, Yandere Yoichi is just your average puppy with a thigh fetish
But let the “Ego” come out, and now he’s more domineering, controlling and patronizing
Try not to trigger that part of him though, and Yoichi is actually a pretty ok Yandere to have
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Meguru Bachira:
Meg’s a weirdo but one of the lovable variety
He’s a very eccentric character, as I’m sure anyone who’s familiar with Blue Lock will know
He talks about the “monster” that inhabits his psyche and manifests itself when he plays soccer
I don’t particularly subscribe to the idea that this “monster” influences his actions on a normal, day to day basis (though that could be the case and I just missed it in my research) but I can definitely see how one would think it does
I will say that years of simple…cohabitation (?) with the monster has definitely left an indelible mark on Meguru’s mind
Yandere Meguru especially 
To Yandere Meguru Bachira, you are perhaps the most important thing in his life
Being bullied for so long and so relentlessly probably wasn’t the best for his mental and emotional wellbeing, as you can imagine, so Meguru has been in desperate need of someone to come along and show him genuine love and support
He’s found that in you, and that’s part of the reason his Yandere personality/tendencies make an appearance when he’s with you
He’s definitely clingy and wants all your attention all the time, and he’s also not very knowledgeable on what it means to give someone their personal space
He doesn’t give you much autonomy either, really preferring to do things for you when given the chance
He can get a little intense, but he’d never hurt you 
Physically, at least
And if by some off chance he were to hurt you otherwise, it would never be on purpose
All that said, I do kind of think that Bachira would be one of the slightly more uncomfortable Yans to have, simply on account of his neediness 
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Reo Mikage: 
FIrst off, let me just say, eat the rich 😤
Chile when I was doin’ my research and saw dis dude’s frankly ridiculous net worth I was appalled 
But if he smart enough to know what to do with the money and assets then I guess it’s whateva 🤷🏾‍♀️
Anyway, that aside, let’s focus back up 😂
I could potentially see Reo being one of the more strict Yan’s to have 
He just has so much to protect, and that includes you
He’s also probably very used to getting the things he wants and having things go his way that he can’t imagine you not reciprocating his feelings, or at the very least seeing the benefit in choosing him over everyone else
And as we’ve seen (me only partially really, I’m still makin’ my way through the show 🙃) he already has some form of an attachment issue as it relates to Nagi, or alternatively, the things he’s invested time and energy in and on
Which, as you can imagine, would include you, should he decide to pursue you
As a Yandere, Reo is admittedly controlling and a bit smothering
But he’s just like that ‘cus he wants to ensure that nothing will separate you two!
It’s innocent really, honest!
And given Reo’s reputation, it would be rather difficult to convince others that he’s, well, kinda crazy if you were so inclined
But other than that, as long as you remain loyal, Reo’s a pretty fair Yandere
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Rin Itoshi:
Whoo boy, this one’s a tough nut to crack
I honestly think Rin is more tsun than yan but I could definitely see where the Yandere aspect of him could potentially rear its head
I’m not 100% up on my knowledge of what the hell his deal is with his brother, but from what I’ve gathered, there’s this mostly one-sided rivalry (on Rin’s part) towards Sae (his brother, for the uninformed) because he (Sae) refuses to acknowledge Rin in soccer and he abandoned their shared soccer dream from when they were little
That all being the case, I really like the concept that Rin is a Yandere for you because A.) something about you warms something cold and dead inside him and B.) you recognize him as talented and capable outside of his brother’s influence, and he (Rin) desperately clings to that affirmation 
Rin is undoubtedly possessive, wanting nothing more than to hide you away where only he can access you or, alternatively, make it known to everyone, in whatever way, that you belong to him
Rin is also somewhat domineering and controlling, as he still doesn’t want anything to tarnish his reputation
I think as a Yandere he’s a little more open to PDA (not by much at all, but just a little) 
I also think that, as a Yandere, Rin can be fairly intense without realizing it
Like during games and whatnot, he ups the ante ‘cus he knows you’re watching and he wants to impress you, keep your attention, and have earned your praise when he’s done
That could also apply to him normally sorta, but I think the behavior is more prominent in Yandere mode
All-in-all, Yandere Rin isn’t the most terrible, he’s mostly just…needy, in his own special way
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thewebcomicsreview · 7 months
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I'm hardly the first person to notice this, but good god webcomics are the least time-efficient possible way of telling a story, aren't they?
I've been trying to figure out a better method of telling a story so that I could finish it before I die of old age (or, perhaps more relevantly, before everyone loses interest). It seems like no one really wants to read prose on the internet, but also people don't really like a comic that takes a year to go anywhere.
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The main bottleneck is dialogue. You can only get 2-3 lines in a standard comic panel, so even a short conversation of character texture can take several pages. It makes me wonder if the Single Panel With Text Beneath It style (like ForEach) isn't just the Objectively Correct™ way to tell a comic on the internet. It's very efficient on the art, you can include narration if that's your jam, and it's very easy to make it work on mobile. (Also the art being separate is a boon if you want to make marketing materials). But everyone will correctly call you a Homestuck rip off.
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Though the other thing Homestuck did was make these sprites of the characters that could be used to crank out a bunch of panels for scenes where nothing visually interesting was happening. You don't really see that copied as much
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Not openly, anyway. There's a stigma. I've thought about rebooting Legend of the Hare as a visual novel, where that kind of thing is arbitrarily more accepted, but it does start raising the question of why you're bothering with the visuals at all. I don't think the kind of person who makes webcomics is usually looking for an excuse to get out of drawing, even if it lets them increase their page output dramatically. Making sprites that don't look like absolute ass is also really hard. Homestuck sprites have a really specific janky charm to them that I've never really seen any other comic pull off.
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And, yeah, you could always just use a simpler art style, like Order of the Stick does, but it's super hard to get anyone to read a webcomic with great art, let alone simple art designed to maintain a high page output. And, again, why are you making a comic if you don't want to draw, unless you just naturally happen to draw that way and be really fucking good at it like Rich Burlew is?
It seems like the only really good way to tell a story in a reasonable amount of time as a webcomic artist is to make enough money off it that you can work full time, and, um, that's not really feasible either.
I don't have an answer I like. I guess just kill yourself in the content mines working webcomics as a second job that doesn't pay you anything.
I don't have a conclusion, capitalism is a nightmare.
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justagalwhowrites · 5 months
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Yearling - Ch. 34: Anything
You're left behind in Jackson when Joel goes on overnight patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-33 found on Tumblr here.
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 
Length: 9.2k
A/N: We are heading into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!
AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
September, 2013
The gunshot made you jump. 
It was distant but sharp, the crack jarring against the quiet of your cabin. Marisa’s head shot up from her book, a frown on her face in the flickering firelight. 
“Was that…” 
“Shhh,” you sat up from where you’d been lying against her, held a hand out to her, ear perked and listening. Another crack, a little louder this time. You set your book down and went to the front window, drawing the curtains and pinning them shut so no light from the fire would slip through. 
“What…” 
“Stay here,” you said, your heart pounding as you got your rifle off the wall. 
“You’re not going out there!” She shot up, her eyes wide. 
“Not gonna sit here and wait for whoever that is to show up at our door,” you replied, grabbing a flashlight, too. 
“Well, I’m going with you,” she said, going to get her gun, too. 
“No,” you said, grabbing a saddle bag with ammunition and turning to face her. 
“Yes, I am,” she narrowed her eyes at you but there was a tremble of fear in her voice, her rifle clutched tightly in her hand. 
“No,” you said quietly, reaching out and gently taking her face in your hand. “You’re not. You’re staying here to look after Savannah…” 
“But what if something happens to you?” Her eyes searched yours, wide and frantic. “You’re her mom, not me. I can’t be that for her like that, just… stay here, we’ll figure it out if they find us just…” 
“Not lettin’ them that close to the two of you, baby,” you said, brushing your thumb over the arch of her cheekbone. You kissed her gently. Her eyes were wet. “I’ll be back soon. But… if I’m not, take care of Savannah for me.” 
You didn’t wait for a response, going to jump on Nike, not bothering with a saddle. You were too afraid to take the time, you had to protect the people who had become your home. You couldn’t lose them, you couldn’t let anyone take them away, you had to make sure they were safe. 
There was another gunshot and you followed the sound, your heart racing, eventually finding a man with two infected nearly ripping him apart. You shot them quickly, the man’s fearful gasps loud in the night. 
“Fuck,” he panted as you turned on the flashlight, shining it around the nearby forest. You caught a glimpse of another infected on the ground about 20 feet away before turning the light on him. He was limp on the ground, his eyes wide. “I think I’m bit, I think… I think they got me.” 
You knelt beside him and looked at his exposed skin. There was a vicious bite on his hand, the flesh already looking sick and wrong and so like Justin’s bite all those years ago. 
You sighed. 
“Yeah, you are. I can make it quick for you, if you’d like. Can’t let you leave here, though. You can wait ’til you turn, if you’d rather.” 
He blinked a few times, staring up at the dark canopy of trees as moonlight filtered through the leaves. 
“Just do it,” he said, turning his eyes to you, cocking his head slightly. “Is it just you out here?” 
“Kind of,” you said. “Got my girlfriend, my daughter. No one else, though.” 
He looked back to the sky and nodded. 
“That’s good,” he said. “It’s hard, being alone. Been alone for a few months now, wife got bit back in June. Should’ve just ended it then, don’t know why I waited this long.” 
You nodded slowly. You understood that. You stood up again, rifle in your hand. The man’s eyes were still wide, looking up at the trees. 
“Here OK?” You asked. “Might be able to get you somewhere you can see the sky…” 
“No point,” he said, still staring up. “Just do it.” 
His eyes refocused, looking at you. 
“And thank you. Know it’s not easy.” 
You aimed the gun at his head and he went back to looking at the trees. 
“I’m sorry it’s endin’ like this,” you said. “Hope you get to be with your wife again.” 
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.” 
You took a deep breath, pulled the trigger and he was gone. 
You stayed for a little while after, waiting to see if there were any clickers that would come for the noise you’d been making but none showed up. You realized you didn’t even know the man’s name. You were the last person he spoke to and you didn’t know his name. 
You cleaned the blood off your hands as best you could and made your way back home, Nike moving slowly through the trees and you didn’t rush her. When you opened the door, Marisa damn near knocked you down, you barely catching her as she threw herself at you. 
“You’re OK,” her voice was thick and wet and she clung to you for a moment before pulling back to look in your eyes. “I was so scared, I heard more gunshots, I didn’t know…” 
“I’m sorry, baby,” you said gently, kissing her, her lips plush and soft on yours. “Didn’t mean to scare you…” 
You got cleaned up and took her to bed and made her come on your fingers before she had to swallow the desperate sounds of your orgasm to keep from waking the baby. You held her close after, telling her what happened in the forest, that you’d go bury the body in the morning and do a check for infected, that she was safe here with you. 
“I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met,” she said quietly, toying with your fingers, her breath warm on your skin as she lay her head on your chest.
You scoffed. 
“Don’t feel very brave. I was scared shitless the whole time, thought my damn heart was going to beat out of my chest.” 
“Oh baby,” she whispered, adjusting so her face was over yours, the light of the moon making her dark skin glow. “That’s what makes you brave, that you’re scared and you do it anyway. You don’t let the fear own you. That’s why you’re going to make it through all this, I just know it.” 
You hummed, not really agreeing or disagreeing, just wanting her close again. She rested her head on your chest again and you gave her a squeeze, focusing on how she felt against you as she fell asleep. 
It didn’t really matter if it was bravery or not, you supposed. If it kept the people you loved most alive, you could push past the fear. Life wouldn’t matter without them, you would do anything if it meant it would protect them. 
Anything. 
May, 2028
“No way.” 
You cleaned the last of the gunk out from Shimmer’s back left hoof and set the pick down. 
“Bambi,” Ellie drew out your hame, whining it. “Please? I swear, I’ll owe you forever…” 
“I am not coming out to your dad for you,” you grabbed the file. “Absolutely not.” 
“But…” 
“Ellie,” you looked up to her as she perched on a stall in the barn. “No. That’s not something you just do for someone else. If you want Joel to know you’re gay you need to be the one to tell him, I can’t do that for you.” 
“But why not!” She pouted. “You already know and you get it and you can help him get it and…” 
“I’ll help you do it,” you cut her off. “I can be there when you tell him, I can intervene if he reacts badly - which he won’t - but I’m not doing it for you.” 
“That’s bullshit,” she huffed. “I don’t want to tell him…” 
“Then don’t,” you shrugged, finishing filing the hoof down and getting the next horseshoe ready to go on. “Live the rest of your life in the closet if that’s what you want to do.” 
“But that’s not what I want.” 
“Then tell him,” you shrugged again. “Those are your options, kiddo, hate to break it to you.” 
“You know, straight people don’t have to come out,” she kicked at the stall post. “This is dumb.” 
“That I can agree with,” you said. “But, unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. If you want to be out, you need to come out. It sucks but that’s the way of things.” 
Ellie sighed and crossed her arms, leaning her head on the post at her back. 
“Do you really think I should?” She asked. 
You shrugged. 
“I think you have a father who loves you more than life itself,” you said. “And I think he’s also a man who has proven that he really does not care what a person’s sexuality is, given that he’s married to me. I think you should do what feels right but you should know that Joel is going to love you to pieces regardless.” 
She sighed again. 
“You’re right…” 
“Usually am.” 
She glared at you before going back to staring straight ahead. 
“I just don’t know why I’m so freaked out about it.” 
You shrugged.
“It’s a big deal. You’re telling him ‘hey this person you think I am? I’m actually different than that.’ It’s hard.” 
She considered you for a moment. 
“Did you come out to your parents?” She asked. 
You laughed. 
“No, I did not,” you said. “Never had the chance. I would have eventually, I think. But I was about your age when the world ended and it felt a lot safer to hide it from my parents when I was that age. I lived far away and they weren’t as… open to other ideas as Joel is.” 
Ellie scoffed. 
“I mean it,” you said. “They had a hard enough time handling the fact that I wanted to get thrown off horses for a living. They’d have had a hell of a time understanding why I was bringing a girl home for dinner. You know Joel ain’t that way. All he cares about is that you’re safe and happy. Everything else don’t really matter.” 
You finished shoeing Shimmer and set her hoof down. She twitched her tail and chuffed in response. 
“Can you at least tell Joel you gave me…” She scrunched her nose in disgust. “The talk?” 
You laughed a little. 
“Yeah, that I can do,” you said. “I’ll tell him I told you everything you need to know. Which is be smart about who you take your clothes off with and if a man ever tries anything, cut his dick off.” 
She barked a laugh. 
“Yeah, that I can handle,” she said. “I can’t believe he thought someone needed to talk to me about sex…” 
You were less surprised about that fact than Ellie, but then, you had the full context. 
You’d been watching Savvy and Kyle from what you hoped was a respectful distance, giving her the chance to fall for a boy in the way you always wanted her to be able to. But there was the other part of that, too. You knew what teenagers were like and, while Savvy knew about sex, you’d never given her the sex talk in the context of her being around boys. She had questions about seeing animals mating when she was a girl and you’d answered them and explained that humans worked much the same way. She’d scrunched her face in disgust and you laughed a little, not bothering to tell her that, one day, that was going to be damn near all she was interested in doing. 
But that had come with the knowledge that, in all likelihood, it would be years - if not decades - before she even had the opportunity to find someone she wanted to do that with. You figured you’d update things as she got older or when there was a person she was interested in. 
Now, the time had come. You just weren’t sure how ready you were for that. You’d gone to Joel for advice about it, feeling like you were flying particularly blind in this arena. 
“Shit, baby, been a long time since I’ve had that conversation,” he said as he traced abstract little patterns over your bare skin. “Tryin’ to even remember how I brought it up with Sarah now… My face was burnin’ up the whole time, that much I know.” 
“There were perks to being hermits,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. “Didn’t have to worry about my kid getting knocked up as a teenager for one.” 
“Mmm,” Joel hummed in agreement. “Least she has boys to flirt with now.” 
“You say that like it’s a good thing,” you muttered but smiled against his skin all the same. 
“I can talk to her with you if you think it’ll help,” he said. 
“Let me give it a shot on my own,” you sighed. “See if she will actually listen to me. If she doesn’t, I’ll call in the reinforcements.” 
Savvy had, mercifully, been at least open to the conversation. 
“I already know this stuff, Mom,” she’d rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she sat on the couch.
“You know the biology of it,” you said. “But it’s… different. You’re older now, there are going to be feelings you have that you want to act on…” 
“Ugh!” She buried her face in the arm of the couch. “Please don’t!” 
“You’re young,” you said. “Too young to really understand the risks. Do you feel like you’re ready to raise a child?” 
“No!” She pulled her head up. “Obviously not!” 
“Then you shouldn’t be having sex right now,” you shrugged. “That’s the risk. Not to mention that there are a lot of emotions that come up when you do that with someone, it can complicate relationships and you’re too young to figure that out on your own…” 
“I’m not a baby,” she practically scowled at you. “I can handle emotions!” 
“I’m not saying you can’t,” you said gently. “I’m saying that adult relationships are complicated for adults and, as grown up as you might think you are, you’re still a kid. I understand that you might want to feel close with someone and, honestly, there’s not much I can do to stop you. But I want you to understand what you’re risking if you go that route and I want you to not let anyone pressure you into it, even if it’s someone you care about. OK?” 
“Alright, jeez!” She groaned. “Can we stop talking now? Please?” 
After that conversation, though, Joel became worried about how much time Ellie was spending with Jesse. 
“Never really thought about what she did or didn’t learn in the QZ,” Joel said gruffly that night when it was just the two of you. “What if she don’t know how to keep herself safe?” 
“I don’t think you have much to worry about,” you said, trying to avoid telling Joel exactly why he didn’t need to worry. 
“Would you be OK talkin’ with her for me?” He’d winced as he asked it. “Feel like you’re her mom, think she’d be a little more… receptive to it coming from another woman.” 
You’d said yes more to buy time than anything else. 
You weren’t thrilled about the idea of lying to your husband but you could tap dance around the truth of it well enough. At least, that’s what you were telling yourself. 
“While you’re trying to decide whether or not you want to tell your dad,” you said, getting up to lead Shimmer to her stall. “Think I’m going to call in that favor you owe me…” 
“What favor?” She demanded. “You’re not telling him for me!” 
“No,” you shook your head. “But I’m also not telling him that I didn’t give you the talk and he needs to do it himself…” 
“Jesus…” 
“So,” you continued. “Can I ask you to keep a closer eye on Savvy while Joel is out on patrol the next few days? She’s still… more comfortable talking with him than with me. Want to make sure she’s doin’ OK…” 
“Of course I will,” she said, relaxing a little. “You know, I still think…” 
“Ellie.” 
“I’m just saying!” She said. “I know she’s doing her best to move past shit, she really is, but it would be a lot easier if she knew what she was actually moving past, that’s all I’m saying.” 
“She’s getting there,” you said, giving Shimmer a scratch. “You don’t understand this yet but it’s hard when you know you can’t protect your child from everything. I can protect her from this.” 
“Whatever you say,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m going to the mess hall. As far as Joel knows, you’ve talked to me, right?” 
“Right,” you said. “Feel free to act all awkward and lay it on real thick…” 
“Alright, bye,” she rolled her eyes and stalked off and you laughed, watching her leave. 
It was good to see Ellie acting like she normally did. You knew she was worried about Joel going out on a longer patrol, too.
You were trying not to panic about it. It was time. Consciously, you knew that. He was ready for it, his body as healed as it would ever be. He still had a bit of a limp - one you knew he tried to disguise when he thought you were watching - but he was fully capable. You’d seen it on patrol with him the two times you’d gone, the second one thankfully far less eventful than the first. 
He’d since gone out just him and Tommy, never going too far from Jackson. It still made you nervous, even though he always came back whole and well. You always clung to him when he got back and he let you, holding you against him, a hand running soothingly up and down your spine as he did. 
But this was his first overnight patrol. He was going to be gone for a few days on a route that had been calm lately, you knew you didn’t have much reason to worry. That didn’t make it much easier. 
“What’s got those wheels turnin’?” 
Joel’s voice made you jump as you brushed Shimmer down in her stall. He was leaning against the entrance to the stable, arms crossed over his broad chest as he watched you, his denim shirt rolled up to his elbows. 
“Who said they were?” You asked, giving the horse a final brush before leaving the stall and walking up to your husband, your own arms crossed over your chest. He smiled and quirked his jaw, shaking his head ever so slightly. “What brings you here, cowboy?” 
“Tryin’ to get my wife all to myself for a bit,” he said. “Think I can entice you away from the mess hall for the evening?” 
“I dunno,” you stepped closer. “What’d you have in mind?” 
He shrugged. 
“Just have to see.” 
You laughed, dropping your arms and the pretense. 
“Lead the way.” 
He draped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you in to kiss your temple before walking slowly back to your house. When you stopped to think about it, it still struck you as funny that it was your house and that you thought of it that way and not as Joel’s place. But you did, it was the place you’d made your life together, feeling more like you belonged here than you had almost anywhere else you had ever lived. 
When you got in the door, there was a small bouquet of wildflowers in a glass in the middle of the kitchen table, a table that was set for dinner for two. You looked at him, brows raised in surprise. 
“What’s this?” 
He shrugged, a sly smile on his face. 
“Wanted a night in with my girl. Might have talked my way into a steak or two. Think you take yours… medium rare, right?” 
“Yeah,” you laughed. “I do.” 
“Well,” he pulled you in for a long, deep kiss. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and when you’re done, there’ll be a medium-rare steak waitin’ here for ya.” 
“Think I can be convinced,” you smiled against his mouth before kissing him again. “Feel like you’re butterin’ me up or something here…” 
“Just tryin’ to make sure you remember why you’re married to me while I’m gone,” he said. “Try to keep you from getting too fed up with my shit…” You laughed and he smiled. “Go on so I can get this going, you’re too distracting standing this close.” 
You rolled your eyes but obeyed, going to shower and, instead of putting on jeans or sweats after, finding one of the dresses in your closet, one that Joel had never seen you in. You got your wet hair out of the way and went downstairs again, strangely aware of how the dress hugged your curves. 
Joel’s back was to you when you came in but the plates were on the table, steak and green beans and a pile of fresh potato chips on each one. 
“Are you kidding me?” You gaped at them. “You realize we’re already married, right? You don’t have to try this hard.” 
“Like tryin’ hard for you,” he turned around, glasses in hand, and his mouth fell open, blinking a few times in surprise. “Hot damn, baby…” 
“Shocking, know,” you smirked. 
“I ever tell you you’re the most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen?” He asked, setting a glass down at your place. “Now, let me feed you before I change my mind and try to pull that dress off right here in the kitchen.” 
Joel really did grill a mean steak. He’d even made the two of you whiskey cocktails with a recipe he’d gotten from Julie and, by the time dinner was done, you were pleasantly tipsy and full. 
“Where did you get the flowers?” You asked, trailing your fingertips over the tiny white blooms. 
“Might have gone outside for a bit,” he winced a little. You raised your eyebrows. “Not far, the kids in town sneak out that way all the time…” 
“Wait, what?” You gaped at him, practically jumping out of your seat. 
“Not Savvy and not Ellie,” he said quickly and you settled. “Made sure they know better. But lot of the other kids do. S’pretty out that way, have to take you sometime. Still owe you a trip to the lake. But, in the mean time…” he got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. “I’ve got someplace to take you tonight.” 
He led you to the living room, a nest of pillows and blankets and sleeping bags set up in front of the TV. 
“Just one second…” he turned the TV on, the opening sepia toned shot from Titanic on the screen. 
“Joel!” You gasped. “Where’d you even get this?” 
“Asked around,” he smiled. “Would’ve gone and hunted it down just to see you get all excited though.” 
You elbowed him lightly in the side and he laughed as the two of you settled into the pile on the floor, you in Joel’s arms with your head on his chest as his fingers trailed up and down the bare skin of your arm. 
The movie was just as good as the last time you’d seen it with Joel. Better, really, because you got to watch it pressed completely against his broad, strong body. But you could only really pay attention so long, twisting in his hold so you were looking at him and not the screen. 
“Know it ain’t exactly a date like before,” he said softly. “But… I do OK?” 
“Oh you blew past OK a while ago,” you laughed a little and he smiled. “This was… thank you, Joel.” 
“Course, baby,” he trailed his fingers over the outline of your face. “Gonna miss you when I’m out there.” 
“You could just not go,” you said. “Don’t think anyone’s holdin’ a gun to your head about it…” 
He laughed once, softly. 
“I know,” he said. “But… I do appreciate you lettin’ me go. I know it ain’t easy for you. Don’t blame you for it. But I’m feeling a lot more like myself since I’ve been patrollin’ again. I feel useful. I missed it. Thank you for letting me find that again.” 
Your eyes searched his. You couldn’t really argue that with him, not when he was being so damn open and honest about it. 
“Just need you to come home to me,” you said quietly. “You can have and do whatever you want, long as you come home.” 
“Long as you’re here to come home to?” He said. “I’m comin’ home. Every time.” 
He kissed you, gentle at first but deepening, until he was shoving your skirt around your waist and pulling your underwear down your legs. He sank into you, slow and firm, his breaths heavy and hot on your skin. You sank your fingers into is skin, holding him close and tight and the worries you had about clutching onto him too hard were far away. 
Joel kept his pace, his body so large and strong on top of and inside of yours. You could feel his heartbeat, his eyes locked on your own and you focused on how close he was to you, how you knew he was safe and whole like this. How you knew he wouldn’t lie to you, that he would do everything to come back home to you. Your body got tight and needy, the heat inside you pulling into the center of you and burning hotter and brighter with every desperate stroke. 
“You’re gettin’ close baby,” he pressed his mouth into your throat, nipping at the tender flesh there before soothing it with a brush of his tongue and a kiss. “Want you to come for me. Love makin’ you feel good, fuckin’ live for it…” 
“Promise it’s not the last time,” your voice was tight, too, the intensity of your orgasm crashing into the fear that you couldn’t seem to shake. 
“Promise,” he pulled back from you enough to look in your eyes again, his large hand coming to cradle the crown of your head. “Nothing’s keepin’ me from you, baby, nothin’, it’s OK, it’ll be OK, promise it will…” 
Your back arched, last ounces of tension gripping you for a moment before releasing in a forceful, desperate wave. 
“Fuck, there you are,” Joel panted, fucking you through it, never easing, chasing his own orgasm through yours. “Feel so good, so goddamn good, fuck, that’s it, keep comin’ for me, know you can…” 
As your own orgasm started to ease, his took hold, pressing himself deep inside and emptying himself into you there. 
Joel pulled himself from your fucked out body with a groan and collapsed beside you, immediately pulling you tightly to him as you gasped short, shaky breaths. 
“You’re OK,” he said gently, still breathing heavy himself. “I’ve got you, s’alright…” 
You buried your face in his neck and fought to catch your breath, focusing on his scent and the feel of him against your skin. 
“I’m sorry,” you said eventually. “I thought I was stronger than this but ever since… I can’t stop thinking about how close I came to never seeing you again and I just…” 
“I know,” he said gently, pulling away from you enough that you could see his face. “I know how you’re feeling. I feel it, too. But I need you to know that I mean it when I say I’m comin’ back. I am, baby.” 
You just nodded and focused on the feeling of him tracing the outline of your face in the dim light of the TV, his body close beside your own. He pressed a soft kiss into your lips, holding you closer as he did and staying close after he pulled away, so close that his nose brushed yours. You stayed like that, not bothering to turn to watch the movie let alone put in the second tape when the first one ended. Instead, you just memorized how he felt against you, how his eyes looked into your own, how his fingers found their familiar paths along your skin. 
You weren’t sure when you fell asleep but you were still entangled with him in the morning, his forehead against yours, his breaths easy and deep in sleep. You ran your fingers through his graying curls and his face tensed a little in his sleep before he adjusted, sliding down your body to bury his face against your chest. You just stroked his hair and held him there, the early morning light becoming pink with the sun. 
When you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you woke him reluctantly and the two of you made your way to the stables, your body tucked against his. He gave you a squeeze before separating from you, the two of you working together to get the horses ready to head out on patrol. You walked with the patrol to the front gate, Joel leading his horse by the reins instead of riding him so he could hold your hand on the way. 
“Be safe,” you said quietly as he faced you, every other horse on the other side of the wall now. 
“Promise,” he said gently, his large hand going to the back of your neck and holding you at just the right angle to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Take care of yourself and our girls. Gimme somethin’ to come home to, OK?” 
You smiled a little. Like something was going to happen in Jackson. 
“Promise.” 
You watched the patrol leave until they were out of sight, trying to calm the thudding of your heart as you headed for the stable to get started on all the work for the day. 
You’d purposely set yourself up for a busy few days with Joel gone. If you were occupied, your mind couldn’t wander. So you focused on training horses. 
It was the hardest part of your job but also the part you liked the most. You had to concentrate on it otherwise you’d get thrown. The horse could always tell when you were distracted, if you gave them an inch they would take a mile at this stage. 
You were finally thinking about finishing up for the day, the sun low in the sky and your back sore after getting nearly thrown off a horse more times than you cared to count when Ellie and Savvy wandered into the stable, giggling to each other as they made their way over to you. 
You took a moment to fully appreciate what they were to each other. You’d always felt bad for Savvy, having just you in the world, no one closer to her own age to bond with. Now, she and Ellie were attached at the hip, sharing the kind of bond you’d always longed to have with the sister who had never materialized, no matter how much you begged your parents for one. Both of them meant so much to you, the whole of the future wrapped up in them. You had survived a lot to get to this point, horrors you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, but you’d do it all again to see these two girls find sisterhood in each other. Conspiratorial whispers and knowing laughs and deep love was everything you wanted for your daughter and she had found it here. 
“Terrified to know what this is about,” you half smiled as they walked over.. 
“Why does it have to be about something?” Ellie rolled her eyes. “What if we just wanted to come say hi.” 
“Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two stop by to just say hi,” you said. “So that would be highly suspect. What do you want?” 
“Can we go spend the night at Dina’s?” Savvy asked, the words all spilling out of her at once. “I promise we’ll behave and…” 
“Dina’s?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at Ellie. 
“Yeah, my friend Dina’s,” she gave you a firm look as she said it. 
“And what will you be doing at Dina’s?” You asked, turning your attention back to Savvy. 
“Just hanging out with some friends,” she said. 
“Any boys?” You asked. 
“No,” Ellie said quickly. “Mostly some of the girls who just finished up school and the girls who are about Savvy’s age, nothing crazy…” 
“Please Mom?” Savvy interrupted her. “It’s going to be so fun and I haven’t done anything like this before but I’ve read about it and it sounds so cool and I really want to go and…” 
“And Dina’s sister will be there?” You asked Ellie, who perked up at the question. 
“Yeah,” Ellie said. “And she doesn’t let Dina get away with shit…” 
“You do realize that you’re 18 and I can’t do a damn thing to stop you, right?” You said to Ellie. “Adults don’t need to ask their moms for permission.” 
“I know,” Ellie said. “But so is Dina. And it’ll be more fun if Savvy can go. I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise.” 
You looked between them, Savvy looking more happy and open with you than she had in months, so like how she used to look at you when asking for something when she was small. Her eyes were so wide and hopeful and you couldn’t say no, not when she was looking at you like that. 
“Alright,” you sighed. Savvy squealed. “But you have to behave. Savvy, no drinking. If there are boys, you come home. No doin’ stupid shit like climbing buildings…” 
“Oh that was like one time!” Ellie protested but you silenced her with a look. 
“And I expect everything to stay PG,” you finished. 
Ellie frowned. 
“What the fuck does PG mean?” 
You shook your head a little, some things still surprising you about how different the world was, even after all these years. 
“It’s a saying from before,” you said. “Means make sure whatever you do, it’s family friendly. That means if you say you and Dina are friends, you act like friends.” 
“We are friends,” Ellie rolled her eyes. 
“Oh sure,” Savvy drew out the last word, laughing. “I always want to kiss my friends…” 
Ellie elbowed her and she laughed harder before quieting down. 
“We won’t cause any trouble,” Ellie said. “Promise.” 
“You two have fun,” you said. “And come by the stable in the morning so I know you’re still alive.” 
“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes, nudging a giddy Savvy toward the door. 
“Thank you, Mom!” Savvy called, giving you a wave as Ellie urged her outside. 
You just laughed and watched until you couldn’t see them anymore before taking your time getting everything set for the night. Your house would be empty overnight for the first time since you’d gotten married. You hadn’t slept without Joel beside you in months, you weren’t in a rush to get home and feel his absence there. But, after a while, you couldn’t stall anymore. You made your way to the mess hall, already mostly empty, but found Maria there with William next to her. She smiled and waved you over and you joined them, sitting across the table as William crashed a carved moose and deer into each other, complete with sound effects. 
“See you’re putting off being home, too,” she said, putting one hand in the middle of William’s back. 
“Yeah, well,” you sighed. “That’s a damn big house for one person.” 
She smiled tightly, knowingly.
“It’s always hard, thinking about them out there like that,” she said. “But this one feels harder.” 
“Yeah,” you said, laughing once, darkly. “It really does.” 
“Hey Aunt Bambi,” William looked up from his toys, his brown eyes reminding you of Joel’s. There was so much of the Miller men in his face it made your heart ache. “Did you know that moose are the biggest deer sp…sp…” he frowned and looked up at his mom. 
“Species,” Maria finished for him before looking over at you. “He’s been obsessed with that carving ever since Joel gave it to him for Christmas so we’ve been learning about moose…” 
“Well, moose are pretty cool,” you said knowingly. 
“I want to see one,” he said. “Mommy says I can’t ride it but I bet I could ride it.” 
You tried really hard not to laugh, William’s springy curls bouncing as he looked down at the carving in his chubby hand. 
“I don’t think ridin’ it would be a good idea,” you said. “They’re big, could be very dangerous. But they are neat to see.” 
“They’re not dangerous,” he frowned. “I bet we would be friends, just because they are big doesn’t mean they’re dangerous…” 
“OK let’s I’d rather not think about you riding a moose,” Maria rolled her eyes. “We can start with seeing one from afar once you’re older.” 
He just sighed heavily, as though the weight of the world were on his small shoulders, and went back to playing with the carvings. 
“I remember when Savvy was that age,” you smiled a little. “She was all about horses, though…” 
“Wonder where she got that from,” Maria smiled back. 
The three of you were the last to leave the mess hall, the clean up team heading to the kitchens  before you started heading out. 
“You’re welcome to come over if you don’t want to be at home,” Maria said, carrying William as he started to fall asleep on her shoulder. “Our door is always open…” 
“Thanks but I need to bite the bullet,” you sighed. “If Joel’s going out on longer patrols again, I need to get used to spending some nights home alone.” 
“Well, the offer still stands,” she said. “As long as you don’t mind my kid babbling to you about moose, apparently.” 
You laughed a little. 
“He can babble to me about whatever he wants,” you said. 
You parted ways and walked around Jackson for a few minutes before heading for the barn where the dogs were kenneled overnight, leaving a note on the log and taking Gatling from her designated place. She trailed behind you home, happy to be under your control again, and you fell asleep with her curled up against your stomach. 
It was a relief to start the next day. You were halfway through your days with Joel outside, not sure if he was safe, too far away for you to see our touch. You could do one more night. You brought Gatling back to her kennel before heading to the stables and getting to work.
The girls came by in the late morning, both looking exhausted but otherwise OK. 
“We’re going to go home and take a nap,” Ellie said, talking for Savvy who was staring straight ahead, looking dazed. “But we’ll be in the mess hall at lunch…” 
“Go sleep before you fall over,” you smiled and shook your head. “Fill me in on everything later.” 
Ellie steered Savvy out of the stable and you laughed a little. Savvy had friends, friends she was staying up all night with. It was everything you wanted for her, watching her grow up both beautiful and sad, thinking she would never have friends like this. 
The girls beat you to the mess hall, their backs to the door you came in, their heads together, talking conspiratorially. 
“She can’t know,” Ellie said quietly. “She’d freak out…” 
“We can handle it,” Savvy said, quiet but sharp. 
“Handle what?” You asked, making both of them jump, their eyes going wide. They looked at each other quickly and you frowned. “Girls. Handle what.” 
“Nothing,” Ellie said quickly. Savvy was looking at you with a strange expression on her face. “Just… there’s a girl we know, this guy is being a dick. I think we can handle it without talking to her because I think if she knew it’d just be extra shitty.” 
You frowned. 
“Not gonna go pick a fight, are you? Because…” 
“No,” she said. “Not picking a fight.” 
“OK,” you said, still uncertain. “But I think…” 
“Actually, Bambi, if it’s OK, we’re just going to head out,” Ellie said, cutting you off. “We got here early and I need to go bug Jesse about something.” 
“Alright,” you frowned, looking between the two of them. “Are y’all sure everything is OK? Because…” 
“It’s fine,” Ellie said before you could finish. “Right, Savvy?” 
“Yeah,” she said, still looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. Part of it like she didn’t know you at all. “It’s OK.” 
“Alright,” you didn’t really believe either of them. “Look, if this boy is a serious problem…” 
“Nothing like that,” Ellie cut you off again. “C’mon, Savvy.” 
She got up and took Savvy’s hand, pulling her to her feet, too. 
“Where can I find you two later,” you said. “Because…” 
“We’ll be home,” Ellie said. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.” 
She started pulling Savvy along behind her but Savvy just stayed where she was, her feet planted, eyes locked on you. 
“Are you sure you’re OK?” You asked, brows knitting together. “If there’s anything you want to talk about…” 
Savvy threw her arms around your waist, catching you totally by surprise, burying her face in your shoulder. You slowly, cautiously, put your arms around her, too, just holding her for a moment. It was so foreign yet familiar, so long since she’d latched onto you like this but holding her one of the only things it felt like you’d been made to do. 
“You can always talk to me,” you said softly, running your hand over the back of her mass of curls and pressing a kiss to her temple. “About anything, I’m always here for you.” 
“I know,” she said, stepping back and looking at you again. “I love you, Mom.” 
You just stared at her for a moment, heart feeling like it was cracking open. 
“I love you, too,” you said, your hands still on her shoulders. “More than anything.” 
“C’mon Savvy,” Ellie said, taking her arm and tugging her away. “See ya, Bambi.” 
You watched them go and debated following them before deciding to give Savvy some space. But, by the time you finished having lunch, you’d thought better of it. You were heading to see if they’d actually gone home but Olivia stopped you as you went past the stables, needing help with the horse you’d been working with the day before. It was hours before you could make it back to the house, bypassing your front door and heading straight for the back yard, knocking on Ellie’s door instead. 
“One sec!” Ellie called and you heard her scramble for the door, breathless when she opened it. “Hey Bambi, what’s up?” 
“Nothing,” you shrugged, not asking for permission and just stepping inside. Savvy was sitting crosslegged in the middle of her bed looking a little more like herself. Or, at least, the self you’d come to recognize her as lately, a little angry with her mouth set in a firm line. “Wanted to see what you girls were up to tonight, make sure everything was OK.” 
“We’re fine,” Savvy said, sounding less angry than she looked. “Just pretty tired.” 
You nodded slowly. 
“Get that stuff figured out with your friend earlier?” You asked, looking between them. 
“Think so,” Ellie said. “We can handle it. Right?” 
“Right,” Savvy said, giving her a firm nod. 
You looked between them, hoping one of them would elaborate. Neither did. 
“Alright, look,” you said. “Both of you are actin’ real weird. I need you to tell me what it is you’re schemin’ up because, while I understand that you want to take care of your friend, you can’t just go around causing problems here in town over something like a break up…” 
“We’re not causing any problems in town,” Ellie said reassuringly. “I promise, we’re not going to go beat up some kid in Jackson or anything like that, I swear.” 
You looked to Savvy. 
“She’s right,” she said. “We really aren’t.” 
You clenched your jaw for a moment. Something felt… off. They were telling the truth but you were uneasy. Something was up. 
“We’re actually still really tired,” Ellie said after a minute. “So, if it’s OK with you, we’re just going to call it a night…” 
“You swear you’re not going to go beat up some boy?” You asked, looking between them. 
“Promise,” Ellie said. “The Jackson boys are safe from us.” 
You sighed, hoping to get Joel’s help getting more out of them when he was back the next night. 
“Alright. You two actually get some damn sleep, OK?” 
“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes and you smiled a little. At least that seemed like Ellie. 
You went back to the house, sitting at the window to the backyard with a cup of tea for a bit, until the lights went off in their little house. Something still pulled at you but you went and settled on the couch, putting on an old VHS tape that had been in Joel’s house, whoever had lived here before’s recording of some episodes of Seinfeld. You didn’t fast forward through the commercials, marveling at how far away the world that sold things like Oreos seemed. You’d only been about Savvy’s age when this had been recorded. Your relationship with your mother had been fraught, too. As hard as it was to have the only reason you’d fought so hard to survive be distant, she’d done more with you today than you would have with your own mother at that age. You sighed. Maybe you were through the worst of it. Maybe this was just what it was like parenting a teenager, strange distance interspersed with shocking moments of vulnerability. 
You dozed off halfway through the third episode and the pounding on your front door made you sit bolt upright, shocking awake with a gasp. 
The sound was relentless, a fist slamming into wood instead of rapping against it. You scrambled off the couch and pulled the door open without bothering to see who was on the other side of it, your heart in your throat. What if it was Maria? What if something had happened to Joel?
But standing on your porch was Kyle, the boy Savvy had been spending time with, his shock of red hair slick with sweat, his freckled skin blotchy and red. There was a gash on his cheek.
“Mrs. Miller,” he panted, looking at you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, they let me go, they let me go to come find you…” 
“Slow down, kid,” you said gently, heart still pounding. You put your hands on his shoulders and guided him inside. “Take a deep breath, what’s goin’ on, is everyone OK?” 
“No,” he shook his head, his eyes still wild and frantic. “No, they’re not OK. He’s got them, he’s got them, I tried to stop him but I couldn’t, there were too many and…” 
“Who’s got who?” You frowned. “Need you to slow down, you’re not making any…” 
“Savvy and Ellie,” he said. Your heart stopped. “He’s got them.” 
***
“Swear to God this is the longest damn patrol I’ve ever been on,” Joel said, happy he could actually recognize some of what was around them now. 
“And we’re even gettin’ back a few hours early,” Tommy gave him a cocky smile. “At least it was an easy one.” 
“Jesus, don’t know if I’d call it easy with how my damn leg is feelin’,” Joel said. “Swear all I’m doin’ tonight is soaking in the damn bath…” 
“See how your wife feels about that,” Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other…” 
“Fuck off,” Joel said, smiling all the same. 
“S’what I thought,” Tommy said. 
It had been an easy few days, all things considered. They’d picked off a few stray infected but no signs of a larger group. No immediate signs of raiders, either, the territory they covered broad and quiet. They’d made good time coming back, closing in on Jackson around noon instead of that evening. It was one of those times that Joel was glad that you worked in the stables, happy he’d have an excuse to go right to you the second he was in the gate. He didn’t care that he knew that he smelled, days of sweat and dirt stuck on his skin and clothes. You wouldn’t mind. You’d damn near tackle him, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing your body into his and he’d forget for a moment just how bad his damn leg was hurting after spending two and a half days on a horse. 
But Joel knew something was off the second the gate opened, guards whispering low to each other as Joel and Tommy dismounted. 
“Who died?” Tommy frowned, looking around. 
“Maria’s on her way up,” Jason, one of the guards, said. “She knows what’s going on…” 
Joel frowned at Tommy, who’s face had fallen, skin going pale. 
“I’m sure s’all fine,” Joel said, limping more than usual as he went to stand beside his brother, clapping a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s Jackson, what could happen?” 
Maria appeared then, walking quickly and talking seriously with Warren. 
“Oh Jesus,” Tommy said softly. “This is bad…” 
“Think we lost someone?” Joel asked, voice low. 
“Feels like we’re about to go to fuckin’ war,” Tommy said, matching Joel’s tone. 
“Good to see you two back and in one piece,” Maria said, Joel’s stomach lurching at her tone. She was talking like a member of the council not like his sister-in-law. “Jason, take the horses to get settled. I need to talk to Joel and Tommy.” 
Joel’s heart beat a little faster. She said it like she needed to talk to him, like Tommy was there to make sure he didn’t fly off the handle. She put her hand in the middle of Joel’s back and guided him to the Tipsy Bison, the bar empty this early in the day. 
“What’s goin’ on?” Tommy asked the second they were in the door. “Is William OK? Why’s everyone actin’ like someone fuckin’ died?”
“William is fine, he’s with the neighbors,” Maria said gently before turning her attention to Joel. “I need you to stay calm…” 
“Why,” he demanded. “Maria…” 
“We don’t know everything,” she cut him off. “We’ve only known about it for maybe two hours, we’re still coming up with a plan and…” 
“Known about what,” Joel demanded. “What’s goin’ on?” 
Maria took a deep breath and looked him dead in his eyes. 
“Bambi, Ellie and Savvy are gone.” 
Time slowed. His heart dropped and there was a high pitched whine ringing in his head. 
That didn’t make sense. This was Jackson. Things were safe here, everything was supposed to be safe here, that’s why he’d stayed here, risked everything to bring Ellie back here, done everything to keep you here when you’d tried to leave before and something had taken you from him anyway. 
“What do you mean they’re gone?” Tommy’s voice snapped him back into his head. “Where’d they go? What happened?” 
“This is everything we know,” Maria held a folded piece of paper out to Joel, his name in your handwriting on one half of it like you were addressing a letter. “We’re doing everything we can…” 
Joel unfolded the page with trembling hands, the crinkle of the paper almost sharp in his ears. 
Joel, 
I know I promised to be here to come home to but Cody has our girls and I’m going to get them back. He told me to come alone or they die and I can’t risk them. Please don’t come after me, not until we know they’re safe. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you but if I don’t, protect them and take care of yourself. They need you. 
If I never see you again, I want you to know that loving you was worth surviving for. Getting to be your wife and taking care of our girls with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. 
Be safe. 
I love you. 
You signed your name, your real name, like you had the tape you gave him for Christmas but there was one notable difference: your last name was Miller. 
Joel’s fist got tight around the paper. He’d lost you and his girls. He’d let the man who had hurt you live and now that had all three of you, doing who knows what to you. 
“They were here yesterday,” Maria’s voice sounded far away. “It must have happened overnight. When Bambi didn’t show up at the stables today, Olivia sent someone to check on her around 10 a.m. and they found the note…” 
Joel wasn’t listening, turning and stalking for the door, taking mental stock of the supplies he still had on him. How much ammunition? He was pretty sure he had a good count of how many rounds he’d fired on patrol but now he was less certain. 
“Joel!” Maria’s voice was sharp, making him stop, one hand on the door, the sunlight pouring through the glass of it oddly bright. How could anything be bright right now, at a moment like this? “What are you doing? You can’t just…” 
He looked back over his shoulder, his brother and sister-in-law, the pair of them standing and watching him with cautious looks on their faces. 
Joel hoped they wouldn’t try to stop him. He loved them both, they were family, but if he had to choose from you and the girls or his brother, his brother would lose every single time. He wouldn’t hesitate to go through them. 
Joel had felt like he’d been meant to do very little in his life. Before, he’d worked a job that let him pay his bills and watched college football for a school he’d never had a shot at getting into. Since, he’d done plenty to get by and distract himself from the emptiness of his existence, none of it feeling like it was worth a damn thing. The one different, constant piece had been how he felt about the people his world revolved around. Sarah, Ellie, you, Savvy. The four of you were his calling. The four of you were why he was here at all. He’d survived the loss of Sarah by the skin of his teeth. In so many ways, he never really recovered. He wouldn’t have recovered at all if it weren’t for Ellie. 
He wasn’t doing that again. He wouldn’t survive it again. This was life and death, not just for the three of you but for himself, too. 
Joel met his brother’s gaze.
“That monster’s got my wife, my daughters,” Joel said, voice dark and firm. “I’m gonna hunt him, I’m gonna hurt him and I’m gonna bring them back.” 
Next Chapter
A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I know, more angst. I don't know why I'm like this either. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or my ask box or my DMs. I'll still love you.
Thanks for putting up with me and all my shit and for continuing to read this story. It really does mean so, so much to me.
I love you!!
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neoameba · 7 months
Text
On nights of mourning.
Gojo Satoru x Male! Reader
A/N: It's time for me to finally honor my profile picture and do a story about Satoru~ At first, I hadn't thought anything about Satoru, but this idea is just too cute to not to write it. Plus, I've wanted to use this song in a story for a while now.
Warnings: Angst to comfort/fluffy. Gojo and Geto's relationship can be platonic or romantic, depending on the interpretation. Nightmares and crying are mentioned several times. Can be read as ftm! reader.
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Summary: A year has passed since Satoru's best friend passed away. He never got over it, however. He pretended to be happy, he pretended not to care, but only [Name] knew what really happened when he was alone. Tears of despair and pain, nightmares and an empty, hollow shell was slowly formed.
It's not that [Name] doesn't care about his pain, it's obvious that he do. But [Name] hasn't slept in days. Satoru moves a lot in bed due to his nightmares, disturbing anyone's night's sleep. He also calls out to his best friend in his nightmares in the most painful way possible, making [Name]'s heart clench and ache, he hates seeing his boyfriend in so much pain. What hurts the most is that Satoru never wants to talk about it "so as not to ruin the mood". This hurts, both [Name] and Satoru.
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It was night. 3:30 am to be more specific. It was impossible to sleep next to Satoru, especially now that he was having constant nightmares. His tearful voice gives anguish to anyone who listens.
[Name] hugs him from behind, but it doesn't help. The boy also tries to wake him up, but Satoru doesn't wake up. He tries everything, even swinging him, but nothing works. Finally, he gives up, he has exhausted himself too much. He hates doing this, but decides to grab a pillow, a sheet and go to the living room couch.
He doesn't want to abandon his boyfriend in that situation, but [Name] deserves to have a rest after days without sleep. He feels like a monster doing this, and maybe he really is, but he's at the peak of his exhaustion.
It doesn't take long and Satoru wakes up at around 5 am, finding an empty spot where [Name] was sleeping. It's like a storm inside his mind as memories of that day engulf him. Suguru's last words and the sad fact that he could never hear or see them again brings tears to his eyes.
Slowly sitting up, feeling empty yet agonising pain filling him instead. He feels so guilty for troubling [Name] just because he is dealing with this issue in such a selfish manner (even though he may not be being selfish). Deciding it's time to face reality, Satoru slowly gets out of bed, dressing properly and walks towards the living room couch.
The mind that everyone said was perfect now seemed broken and dazed. He looks so tired and worn out. He walked around the house slowly, keeping a silent pace. He only wore sweatpants to sleep, and for the first time, it seemed to bother him slightly because of the cold.
Arriving in the living room, he is faced with the sight of his lover sleeping on the couch. It didn't look uncomfortable, but Satoru was sure that wasn't where [Name] wanted to be.
The older boy lies down on top of the younger, sleeping boy. Maybe he was really being selfish, but he didn't want to be without the comfort his boyfriend gives him. Satoru wraps his arms around him, and even without being covered, he tries to sleep. All of this was done delicately, as he didn't want to wake [Name].
Satoru's heartbeats gradually calm down and he starts breathing normally. He feels his boyfriend in his arms, it was like having a warm blanket around him that keeps away all the negative emotions and feelings for a moment. His eyes slowly start closing, with thoughts of Suguru Geto fading away but not forgotten. The morning sun seeps inside through the window, shining gently on their face. As Satoru's conscious drifts off to sleep, he knows this isn't a solution to deal with his inner pain – however short-lived happiness they could find by holding each other brings some comfort during these lonely nights.
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This is how they manage to deal with everything that happened. Talking about wouldn't help, all they need is peace, quiet and calm. Although almost no one believes that Gojo Satoru can have negative feelings and can even show them, [Name] understands him like no one else.
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skeletonapricationday · 10 months
Text
Naughty girl
Warnings: Porn w/o plot, fem reader x nanami, deephthroating, face fucking, angry Kento, use if whore.
18+ minors dni
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Nanami stared as you bent over the desk, looking for your lost pen. You had it five seconds ago, you kept swearing that up and down. It was frustrating because you were distracting him from his work.
Nanami wasn't a very sexual man. He lived to work and go home, that was it. Simple and sweet. Yet he was still a man at the end of the day. Seeing you bend over in that skirt, scrambling all around his office for your pen. It was troubling. He sighs and stands.
"If I promise to help you look will you leave my office?" He says in a gruff. His deep voice echoing off the walls.
"Yes sir-e!" You say excitedly and innocently. "I swear I used it yesterday to help you with that report. Now its missing, like missing missing." You say with a small pout. That cute quiver of your lip catching his vision. He tilts his head away, trying to ignore you.
"Why can't I just give you one of my pens?" He says exasperated.
"Because you also gave me this pen, so it's my favorite pen. No other pen will feel the same!" You shout confidently and annoyingly.
"If you like that one so much because I gave it to you, why not just let me give you a new one? You make no sense." He says logically, as always. Yet this wasn't about logic. He gave you this pen two years ago, when you finally cracked a thin layer of his hard shell. It was a sign of friendship and good faith, you were not going to give up on this.
"Because-because I want this specific pen okay." You say emrbassed. Not at all willing to admit the true reason to the logic king himself.
He nods slowly, like he wasn't going to bother arguing further. Simply scanning a bookshelf, seeing if you mistakenly placed it there. He swears to himself that the intelligent woman yesterday who helped him fill out that report is the same scatterbrain currently looking for her pen. Obliviously showing her body off in several interesting positions.
You slowly get onto your hands and knees, sticking a hand under the couch. Seeing if you can feel anything underneath. When you don't you arch your hips up further to keep yourself from slipping, as you peep your head underneath. "It's dark and dusty under here. I always thought you had too much OCD to not dust under the couch." You tease playfully. Just trying to joke with the serious man, like normal.
"Shut up and stop looking under there." You here the blank reply from behind you.
"No need to get so defensive. Of course this place isn't going to be sparkly clean, you work too much. Yknow I really respect that about-" You squeak as you're cut off. Your ankle being grapped, forcibly pulled from under the couch.
"Did you not hear me the first time?" He asks, using your ankle to flip you onto your back. "Or do I have to shout." The last half is also a question, yet he says it like a statement. His voice always cold and callous, despite his actual kind nature.
You blush at how strong he was. It was juxtaposition to your strength. Enough cursed energy to be a sorcerer compared to normal humans, but so weak you had to be an assistant. "Nanami...this position is a bit...interesting?" You say softly and confused.
"And your last position wasn't?" He drops your ankle. Giving you a chance to slowly rise up, sitting on your knees emrbassed. "If you're going to wear a skirt, please be self aware." He states simply.
Wait, what did he mean by that. Suddenly your whole face flushes, realizing you've been flaunting your ass. Basically putting yourself on display.
Nanami clears his throat, surprisingly loosening his tie a bit. Rubbing the side of his face annoyed and...flushed.
"Look I'm sorry...I just didn't think about it." You say shyly, biting your bottom lip. As much as you dreamed of Nanami lustfully gazing at your backside, you never meant to accidently do it. In your fantasy it was always purposful, taking advantage of his cold demeanor by turning him on. This was not a fantasy, you're right in front of him.
He stares down at you and sighs. "Come on, up off your knees." He says softly. That sentence makes you discretly clench your thighs. Imagining those words in a different scenario. You look at his offered hand and take it, slowly standing with his help.
"You didn't do it on purpose, it's okay." He's say in a coo, almost like he felt bad.
"What if I did?" You ask, surprising even yourself. You didn't do this on purpose, why did you say that? More importantly, why didn't you stop yourself?
"What?" You hear by your side. Looking at his stern face. Waiting for digust to roll in, hell maybe he'll even shout. Tell you to get out of his office, even worse maybe fire you.
Suddenly he laughs. Gripping onto the side of his desk...laughing. "You have alot of nerve." He says walking over to you. Raising a hand to your face. You expect the sting of a slap, but instead he squishes your cheeks together. "Cause then I'd call you an attention seeking whore." He tsks his tongue and smiles. An annoyed grin, faux politeness despite his harsh words.
"I-uhm- sorry I didn't really mean-" The pressure of his grip grows. Stopping you mid sentence.
"I won't hear any of your excuses." He pushes you against his desk, the table digging into the back of your thighs. A small patch of arousal staining your underwear. "In fact I'll reward you."
"What?" You say confused, knitting your brows. He lets out a small cold huff. Slipping his hand from your chin to down your throat. Softly rubbing the side of your neck.
"If your goal was to provoke me- it worked." His other free hand grabs yours. Pressing it against his thigh. You feel his hot throbbing length struggling not to reveal itself. "Do you know how hard it is trying to keep my dick tucked while helping you look around?" He coos to you. His fingers wrap around yours, causing you to the feel the entirety of his girth. "C'mon don't be shy now."
"Is that really...wow." You say breathlessly. The huge thing in your hand really was his cock. Straining against his professional trousers. "Why didn't you say anything?" You say softly. Gripping it curiously with your fingers, earning a soft groan from him.
"Its not exactly professional to hit on your assistant...also a tad too clichéd." He replies honestly. Running the hand on your neck down to your skirt. Flipping it up and letting out a soft pleased sigh. "I'm not one for business and pleasure but, this damned skirt." He chuckles softly. Rubbing your left thigh, watching it jiggle in response. "God it gets me rock hard."
You shiver at his touch. His hands warm against your thigh, but the heat of your aching cunt is hotter. "Nanami..." You whisper his name out softly.
He tsks his tongue in response. "I got my hand up your skirt, call me Kento." He leans in and kisses your neck softly, nibbling at the soft flesh. His hot breath sending goosebumps. "Kay'?" He whispers into your ear.
You nod softly. Letting out small sounds of pleasure as his lips travel across your throat. "Kento please your hand...it can go further than my thigh."You squeak out. Hoping the muscular man gets the message.
"Oh I know...but you've been naughty. Why would I give you what you want?" He coos backing away from you. Even pulling your hand away from his dick. "It be more punishing to leave you a dripping wet needy mess." He says with a smirk. A thing you never expected to see on his face. The pure unbridled joy he has in teasing you. Getting revenge for your two years of oblivious actions.
He smiles at you and sits back down in his desk chair. Going back to reviewing his documents despite your whines of protest. "Kento please.." You say walking behind his chair. Wrapping your arms around him, hands splayed across his chest. Rubbing the hard planes of muscle. "I don't even have to feel good, I just wanna feel you." You tempt into his ear. Kissing underneath it. He huff in response and expertly pulls your hands off his chest.
"I'd stop now. Bad girls get punished." He speaks sternly. Not at all humoring you. You don't listen and walk to the front of his chair, dropping to your knees, rubbing your face against his thigh. He finally lets go of his document. "Do you really want it that bad?" He coos softly. Like a false sense of security.
You nod against his thigh, looking up at him with a lust addled gaze. He gives you an evil smile, one that sends shivers down your spine. He undoes his belt buckle, tugging his pants and boxers to free himself. His huge length standing proudly at attention. "Go on pretty girl." He says brushing his thumb across your bottom lip. "Give it a taste." He says smiling.
You listen excitedly. Falling right into his trap as your lips curl around his cock. Slowly bobbing your head down after swirling your tongue around his tip. A pleasnt salty bead of precum meeting your tongue. You can only fit half of him in your mouth, even without a gag reflex the pure girth was already stretching your jaw. He throws his head back and groans. "Finally...a way to shut you up." He says happily, almost relaxed.
His hand curls into your hair, gripping it at the base. Successfully pulling your hair out of your way. A part of you was about to mention how sweet it was until. He grips hard and slams your head down, painfully making you take the rest of him down your throat. Your nose pressed against the soft curls of his pubes. A small surprised gag leaves your lips. "Oh darling don't you remember. You've been naughty, and naughty girls get what?" He asks you. He looks down at you amused for a second. Using his hand to pull you up and down on him. Small tears pricking the corners of your eyes. "I forgot, can't talk with your mouth full can you?" He laughs and groans. The two sounds like music to your ears.
This was gonna be a harsh night.
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New years eve party (modern!Aemond Targaryen x reader, side Alysmond)
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synopsis: Every year you and your friend throw a new years eve party for all the singles in your building. When you first invite the new neighbour he declines, only a year later it seems like everything has changed.
warnings: Alys being a bad girlfriend, alcohol, self induldent fluff at the end, afab reader
word count: 2.8k
taglist: @hopelesswritergall @urmomsgirlfriend1
(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom/series or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)
A/N: The year is about to end so happy new year to everyone!
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The first time Aemond and you meet, he just moved into the apartment complex, two floors beneath you and your flat mate and best friend. It's late in the year already so you decide to welcome him to the building with some Christmas cookies in hand.
"Hello. I saw you move in here last week and wanted to welcome you to the building." You offer your hand to shake after he opens the door with a questioningly arched eyebrow. Aemond isn't a man of many words you learn quickly.
"Thank you, that's... nice." The platinum blond shakes your hand and takes the cookies from you. "I'm Aemond. Aemond Targaryen. And you are?"
You give him your name. "If you ever need anything, I live two floors above. All you need to do is knock."
Aemond nods curtly.
"Oh and since new years is right around the corner, we always throw a little party for all the singles in the building. You should stop by if you want. We won't bite, I promise." The smile on your face refuses to fade even with his rather cold demeanor.
"Again, thank you, but..." A feminine voice interrupts him.
"Aemond, love, who is there?" The woman who the voice belongs to appears in the door frame as well. Holding onto your new neighbors arm almost possessively.
"Hi, I'm your new neighbor from two floors above. I just wanted to introduce myself real quick and bring over some cookies." You state. Your smile falters a bit as you see the gorgeous dark haired woman.
"Well, you did that now, didn't you? We still have lots to unpack so you'll have to excuse us." She says in a clearly faked friendly tone that hides nothing of her words true meaning. To stay away from both of them.
"Sure. I'm sorry for bothering you in the middle of moving. How silly of me. Have a nice day." You give them a small wave and go back to your apartment.
You couldn't lie to yourself about the disappointment you felt at the sight of Aemond's girlfriend, but he was attractive so was it really a surprise he wasn't single? You shake your head to get rid of those thoughts when a key turns in the door.
"I'm home!" Sarah calls out as the sound of her keys hitting the ceramic bowl sounds through the apartment.
"I'm in the living room." You answer back.
"Hey, how was your day?" She asks with a relaxed smile.
"Same old, same old." You mutter, still kinda in thought.
Together you go to the kitchen to cook, like every night, when you decide to speak up about what happened.
"Have you met the neighbors from two floors down yet?" Curiosity coats your tone as you try to remain nonchalant.
"I thought it was only one. That weird, blond guy. I've seen him around once or twice." Sarah busies herself by stirring in one of the pots.
"Yeah him and his girlfriend. I went to welcome him today and she was really possessive and borderline bitchy. Like, she couldn't get me out of their bubble again fast enough. Didn't even give me her name." Your eyebrows furrow and your nose scrunches up slightly at the memory.
"Maybe she felt threatened by you?" Sarah chuckles and then a moment of silence follows. "Now that you mention her though... I did hear a woman yelling on my way up here earlier."
That´s the end of the topic for then as the two of you change to lighter topics of conversation.
However, the strangers keep occupying your mind. After Sarah tells you about the altercation, you hear them on and off as well, only to see them madly in love the next time you saw them.
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New year’s eve passes and so does Sarah´s and your party. The night going by as eventless as it could. Probably because everyone is drunk off their tits, but when you wake up in bed next to one of your neighbors, you just feel bad. You couldn´t even put your finger on what exactly made you feel this way. It just feels wrong. Okay that wasn't entirely right. If you were just a little more honest with yourself you would know that it was because your brain had decided to spend its free time romanticizing the idea of Aemond and how it would be to be in a relationship not only in general, but with him. Dreaming of him wasn't a rare occurrence and whenever you met him at the mailbox, you could feel yourself blushing as if you were in middle school. Simultaneously not far from you, as the months progressed, Aemond's relationship deteriorated more and more. Alys had grown gradually more jealous and toxic to a point where even he couldn't excuse her behavior anymore. Which hurt more than he would ever want to admit. The two break up and make up almost regularly. The day she tells him she is pregnant however, is the day things escalate. You hear the fight even in your apartment. There's screaming, slamming doors and after about an hour there's complete silence.
Like the good (and slightly worried) neighbor that you are, you make your way down the stairs, knocking quietly on the hard wood.
In a matter of seconds the door gets opened with a rather energetic and aggressive motion.
"Alys, I told you it's..." Aemond growled until he realized it is you who had knocked and not his ex-girlfriend. "Fuck, sorry. I didn't realize we were that loud. I promise it won't happen again."
"No, it's... It's alright. It sounded bad though. Are you good?" Your eyes soften and scan his presence.
The knuckles of his right hand were pressed into an ice pack, his chest heaves with every sharp breath. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, before he answers.
"Yeah, I mean no, but yeah." His one seeing eye drops towards the floor, unable to look at you. It's obvious he doesn't want to talk and you are not one to pry for answers, so you leave it.
"Okay. Um, if you need something, anything. You know where to knock." You give Aemond a sympathetic smile.
Against all your hopes, he actually does knock on your door a week or so later. Granted it is only for some eggs, but still. A win is a win, you tell yourself as you hand him the carton with the eggs he had requested.
"Fuck, thank you. Really. I don't know where my head is these days." Aemond scratches the back of his neck, giving you a perfect peak of his boxers underneath the grey sweatpants. He must've just come from his morning run.
"No problem at all. I did tell you that you could ask for anything if you needed it after all." You assure him.
"Hm, you did. Still... You'll definitely get those back."
Before much more of a conversation can start up, he is gone again. A pattern that continues for the next couple of months, even though he does warm up to you noticeably without Alys´ influence around. Going as far as to even give a small smile here and there. What shocks you the most however, is when he stops you by the mailbox one day close to the beginning of December.
“So, uhm, I know it´s still a while until new year’s, but I just remembered that you told me about this party you and Sarah have every year.”
“Yeah, what about it?” You look up from the mail to meet his eye and tilt your head.
“I was wondering if that invitation still stands by chance?” His brow is furrowed and his tongue swipes out to wet his lips.
Aemond's question makes your heart beat faster. "Of course. Definitely. I'd be happy to see you there." A wide smile spreads your lips.
From previous talks you had gathered that the blond wasn't much of a party animal, but then again neither were you.
“We usually start around eight, but it´s all very relaxed, really.” You inform him and then say your goodbye as the two of you reach his door.
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Until the day of the party the two of you only see each other in passing. Giving a quick nod or wave and a smile to the other as you made your way wherever you had to be. Even the evening of it feels like you are constantly running around. Between preparing snacks and drinks, greeting people left and right, refilling stuff and taking shots and dancing with Sarah there wasn't a single moment to chill, before the doorbell rings one final time for the evening.
"Aem! You made it!" You call out happily and as his eye meets yours he witnesses your face lighting up visibly. The nickname for sure is a surprise at first, but taking in the scent of alcohol in your breath, it all checks out. Still it gets his heart to beat faster, before he can answer anything you already pull him inside. The shots Sarah had made you do, made you even more high energy than you usually were. Yet the moment you take his hand to pull him inside, you feel a strange, warm calm run through you follows by a shiver down the spine.
"You almost had me scared you forgot about me." You tease as the two of you sit down on the sofa with a drink in hand.
"I could never forget about you, but my brother called and tried to convince me to go to some party at some stupid club. Let's just say he was never the best at accepting the word no."
"Oh, you have a brother?" Your eyebrows rise so far Aemond is certainly convinced they are about to touch your hair line.
"Yeah. Two brothers actually and a sister." He admits.
"Wow and are you close with them?" As an only child you could only hardly understand what it was like to have siblings. Even if Sarah had tried to explain it to you multiple times.
"We're as close as we can be, I'd say."
"Huh, for some reason I always pegged you to be an only child..."
"How's that?" He asks while the two of you sip on your drinks, lost in the conversation.
"I don't know, probably because of your dark and mysterious brooding nature?” Playfully you pull your chin higher. “Anyway, now that you are here, do you want to dance?”
“How could I ever say no to that question…”
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Over the declining bass of the music, a soft knock on the bathroom door echoes through the room. You hadn´t even noticed someone turning down the music It could have been minutes or hours since you entered the room for all you knew. Aemond´s voice calling out directly after. With a groan you lift your head off the cold tiles on the floor. "It's open...” The blond steps in and closes the door behind him immediately so noone else would see you in that state. Curled up on the floor with your forehead resting against the cold tiles in an attempt to cool down and fight the nausea that climbs up your throat. "Oh I'm dreaming of you again." Your speech is slurred and quiet as if talking any louder would make you vomit. "If I wouldn't be dreaming and if you would be really here, then I would tell you I love you." "You're drunk." He murmurs and shakes his head. "Yes. And hopelessly in love with you." You argue with a weak voice. Nevertheless you wrap your arms tightly around him as he picks you up off the floor. There is no lying about the state of inebriation you are in, but the conviction with which you speak also tells that you are speaking the truth. Even though he doesn't want to believe it yet. "Come on, let's get you to bed." Aemond sighs and begins to more or less carry you back to your room. "No..." You whine in protest. "I wanna go back to the party. I'm not even tired yet. Let's dance."
You're like a child, the blond thinks as he rolls his eyes. "No. No more dancing tonight. The party is over, it's bedtime now." "Awww come on, Aem..." You give him your best try at a puppy eyes look, which is only half successful. Ending up more as just a pout.
Aemond´s heart beats faster at the nickname once again. Something it had done quite often in the past months whenever he saw or spoke to you he notices. Gods, he can hear his brothers laugh at him for being like this when it came to emotional matters. He doubted the excuse of Alys having fucked him up in that regard was applicable, when you where so different from her. Carefully Aemond lays you down on your bed. Taking the shoes off your already half asleep form. By the time Aemond pulls the blanket over you, the sound of soft snoring already fills the room.
The next morning you wake up alone, fully dressed, with a massive headache, a bottle of water and a note on the bedside table for the first time in a while. Telling yourself that this was exactly the reason why you never drank and swearing to every deity above or below that it would never happen again. Groaning some more at the brightness that streams through the window, you sit up in bed to take a sip of water and the pain killer right beside it. With the cotton mouth successfully fought off, you turn to the note. Wondering where the paper even came from you notice how neat and pretty the curly letters are written. The name of the addresser jumps into your eyes next. Signed at the bottom. Aemond Targaryen. As you read his name, your eyes eagerly jump to the top of the page.
I hope this note finds you well and the pain killers help any hangover you might take away from last night. I had a lot of fun with you. Also, you snore when you sleep.
Aemond Targaryen
“Fuck…” You curse under your breath. Trying to remember last night makes the headache only worse, but at least there are no gaps in your memory. Left with the memory of the blond helping your drunk self into bed, you decide to apologize to him. Freshening up and putting on some comfortable clothes, you climb down the stairs in the evening.
“Come in.” Aemond greets you with a smile as he sees the way you flinch ever so slightly at a door slamming shut somewhere.
“Thanks.” Gratefully you sit in his living room, while Aemond gets you a cup of coffee. “I- uhm, I came to apologize for last night.”
“For what?” His brows furrow together so much they almost become one.
“For getting so drunk that you had to carry me to bed. I usually am not like this at all.” Regret laces your words.
“Oh, that. Don´t sweat it. I´m kind of used to it and I still had a lot of fun.” Aemond assures immediately, but it does little to reduce the shame at your own behaviour.
“No, no. Even if you are used to it, I shouldn´t have done that. It was so stupid and unfair to you.” You lay your forehead into one hand and sigh.
“Why did you even drink so much in the first place?” He inquires.
“I kind of wanted to ask you out… but then when I threatened to chicken out so Sarah told me to drink something for courage and somewhere something became a little more and then we ended where we ended.” You feel your face begin to burn at the admission.
“You wanted to what?” A soft pink flush lays over his cheeks.
“I wanted to ask you out…” You repeat even quieter than before.
“Well, you could still do that, if you so wish to.” Your heart threatens to beat out of your ribcage as you take in his words.
Your eyes grow wide and your lips part as you look back up at him. Stumbling over your words for a while before you get out a clear sentence. “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”
“Yes, I´d like that very much. There is a new restaurant that I´ve been meaning to try out. Maybe I could pick you up in an hour?” The request makes you happier than anything. Overshadowing any of the shame you had felt previously.
“Yes, oh my god absolutely.” You jump up in a flurry of excitement, that entirely chases off the remnants of hangover. “Just give me an hour.”
The smiles on both of your faces grow incredibly big, reaching your eyes for the first time in a long time. When you go, it is so hastily you have to be careful not to fall up the stairs and even Aemond feels a certain type of happy as he changes into something more fitting with his heart skipping in his chest.
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ahgasegotarmy116 · 9 months
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Do it for Him | There's No Escaping Him | Jeon Jungkook
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Summary: Jungkook shows what happens when you disrespect him. Pairing: Daughter in law reader x Father in Law Jungkook (Yändere) Word Count: 2.5k Warnings: Sex (I'm too lazy to put in specifics lmao), Explicit language and Yädere relationship a/n: Based off of a few asks so this is the origin story of that dress that Jungkook loves…
Series Masterlist
3 years ago...
"What are you doing here?" I ask holding the door open while balancing my daughter on my hip. "Hi baby how are you?" Jungkook coos and scoops her up out of my arms and ignoring me completely, walking them both over to her room with her babbling to him all the way.
I hate days like this. 
Where he feels like he can just show up unannounced and act as though we're some happy family together when my husband isn't here. "What do you want?" I ask once I've come to the doorway and see Jungkook and my daughter playing around on the floor.
"I just wanted to come over and spend some time with my daughter, and spend some time with her mommy too" he says looking up at me with a devious glint in his eye. "You can spend time with her but you need to leave when you're done" I say and walk off to get some food ready for her.
I go back into her room a bit later and scoop her up off the floor and take her into the kitchen without bothering to take note of Jungkook's protests. "What are you doing?" he asks trailing behind me. "Giving her some food. She eats a snack around this time of day" I say putting her down in her high chair.
"Where's the nanny?" he asks looking around to see if he can spot her anywhere. "I gave her the afternoon off. She'll be back later" I respond and put some cut up pieces of bananas on the tray and she immediately grabs one and puts it in her mouth.
"I thought she didn't like bananas" he says, looking at her with a slightly confused expression. "Babies can try out foods and not like it the first time but then love it the second and at this point she loves bananas" I answer while gazing at her lovingly, fixing the little butterfly clip I put in her hair this morning.
"But I know you didn't just come here to talk about her though so what do you want?" I ask, turning around and facing him, an uninterested expression on my face. "I want you love" he says taking a few steps towards me and grabs ahold of my hand.
"You told me that once she was born you would leave me alone" I say ripping my hand out of his grasp and taking a few steps away from my daughter so she won't hear this conversation. She's only two but you never really know what they'll remember when they grow up.
"I changed my mind" he says following me. "That wasn't part of the deal" I say in a hushed tone, glancing back over to her before bringing my attention back to him. "What deal angel? To my knowledge we haven't written up anything that states I have to abide by any rules" he says playfully. "Jungkook stop, we've already been through this once and it shouldn't have happened in the first place" I say trying to get him to come to his senses.
"Once wasn't enough for me love. There are so many things that I've been wanting to do to you ever since our last time together. I've tried to hold back but I can't anymore" he says trying to come closer but I make sure to maintain a good distance between us which leaves him stopping in his tracks.
"You're going to have to hold back because I'm not yours and you don't get to waltz up into my home and expect me to give into you just because you 'want me'. I never wanted to see you again after what we did but I have to tolerate you to keep up appearances. I'm sorry if I've made you think otherwise but that isn't going to happen again" I finish and make moves to walk back to my daughter.
"You sure about that?" he asks leaving me now halting my movements, knowing what that tone of voice means. "I'm sure my son would hate to come home with the task of having to file for a divorce after being gone for such a long time. Leaving you with absolutely nothing and taking our daughter away from you" he taunts making known that he's trapped me and I can't do anything to defend myself.
"You wouldn't dare" I say turning back around to face him, my eyes prickling with tears, now knowing the true consequence of my actions have only just begun.
"I'll text you the address. Tell the nanny you're going out for the night and you won't be back until tomorrow. Oh, you'll be receiving a package in an hour or so. Wear that" he finishes and goes up to my daughter and coos at her a bit, telling her goodbye and placing a kiss on the top of her head before walking back over to me to kiss me but I turn my face to the side leaving him placing a kiss on my cheek instead.
"See you tonight" he whispers in my ear, his breath fanning over my neck and places a kiss on it before leaving. "Bye angel" he says, his lips still ghosting against is.
"Leave" I say pushing him away but he doesn't budge in the slightest leaving me having to walk away first and going back to check on her.
He chuckles a bit at my reaction and slowly makes his way over toward the door, closing it silently behind him.
"What am I going to do?" I question and watch as my daughter plays around with the leftover food in her tray before picking her up and holding her close while unshed tears start streaming down my face.
~~~~~
Walking into the lobby donning a trench coat to cover up the ridiculous outfit Jungkook had gotten me I walk towards the elevators and press the number for the designated floor, seeing that he's booked the penthouse suite.
As the doors open I walk out and look around to see if I can find him but at first glance it seems as if he's nowhere to be found.
"You're early" he whispers in my ear making me jump and place my hand over my chest.
He brings a glass of wine around for me to grab and I accept it willingly, knowing I'm going to need every bit of it to help keep my anger at bay.
"I figured it was best to not keep you waiting" I say after taking a large gulp of my wine. "Slow down angel, we've got all night" he says refilling my glass nonetheless. "I would prefer if we got whatever you wanted over with as soon as possible" I say, walking around, trying to figure out where a bedroom might be in this place.
"Oh we're not using the bedroom tonight" he says taking hold of my wrist. "What do you mean?" I ask, knowing he has something else in mind but wanting him to voice it so I can mentally prepare myself.
"Why don't you take that coat off for me so I can see how pretty you look" he say and takes a few steps back so he can take in my full form.
I take a deep breath and open it little by little, hating the lust in his eyes that continues to darken with every growing inch of bare skin he sees. 
Dropping the coat and letting it pool around my feet he's left with the sight of me in a scantily clad silk dress that leaves little to the imagination.
"Just as I thought, you're even more gorgeous with the figure you've developed from giving birth to our daughter" he says walking over to me and taking notice of my wider hips and larger breasts. "Just stop talking" I say and decide to close the distance between us and pull him in, hating this waiting game.
He kisses me immediately and sets a faster pace, making me let out a little moan, surprised by the passion he has behind it. He holds my jaw in place and keeps our lips locked leaving me having to push him away to come up for air.
"I've missed this" he says pulling me closer to him, kissing me and walking us over to the kitchen.
He lifts me up and has me sit down on the cold counter making me take in a sharp breath at the contact. "I've been dreaming about fucking you on this counter as soon as you walked in" he growls not bothering to give me a chance to respond and instead opting to run his hand along my upper thigh and brushes his finger against my core.
"You're so obedient showing up here in this dress and now I find out that you have nothing underneath it. Look" he says pulling his fingers away, clearly wet with my arousal. "Seems like your body wants to obey me as well" I glare at him and he decides to stop talking and instead ops to get on his knees and pulls me closer to the edge of the counter.
"I've been wanting to taste you all day and it seems like this pretty little cunt wants the same thing" he says watching as I clench around nothing. He blows on it making me close my legs from the sensation of the cool air but he pulls them apart even wider than they had been before.
"Not so fast pretty. You can't run away from me already when we haven't even started" he taunts and starts to place kisses on my inner thigh, sucking a bit in an effort to leave a mark. "Don't" I say but my breath quickly hitches once he licks a long strip along my center making me automatically grab his hair to keep him close on impulse.
"No marks I know, I couldn't resist. Trust it will fade before he gets back" he says placing a kiss on the small mark he had made before going back in, making my breath hitch. "Lean back a bit" he says, getting me at a better angle so he has more access. "Good girl" he says rubbing his nose against my clit.
I push him closer needing more and he chuckles at my reaction. "Look at you, so needy yet you always swear that you don't want me". Standing up he starts to loosen his belt and take off his slacks bringing me closer to the edge again and runs him finger all along my cunt to gather up some of my arousal and uses it while he pumps himself a few times before trying to put it in. 
"Stop" I say before he has a chance to get any closer. "I'm not having another baby with you" I say looking up at him, waiting to catch his gaze. He takes a deep breath and fishes his wallet out to find a condom and holds it between two fingers. "Happy?" he says and rolls his eyes while opening the packet. 
"I would be happier if I was at home with my daughter instead of here fucking my father in law so no, I'm not happy" I say, voicing my true feelings. "You really shouldn't have said that" he chuckles under his breath before lining himself up and shoving himself inside of me. 
"Fuck!" I groan out, caught off by the burn of not being prepped. "Stop being such a fucking brat and enjoy it angel. No one is watching so there's no need to keep up appearances with me" he says brushing away one of the tears that had fell from the pain. 
"I'm not keeping up appearances with you because I fucking despise you" I say trying to breath through this so I can get my body to loosen up. It's no use though since he decides to pull almost all the way out and shoves back inside me. 
"I thought I told you to watch your mouth. If you want to act like a brat then I can fuck you like a brat. All. Night. Long" he threatens, punctuating every word with a harsh thrust to prove his point. 
I decide not to respond so I can end this pain soon and receive the pleasure he loves to give me since that's the only thing I get out of this. "Staying quiet will do you no good either, you know better than that" he says making soft eye contact with me before kissing me softly, giving me a false sense of security before he starts thrusting into me at a rough pace. 
"You'll speak when spoken to you understand?" he says and pulls me off the counter and wraps my leg around his waist before leaning my back against the wall and fucking at a different angle making me moan out at the intensity. "Yes" I choke out, feeling overwhelmed by the pace of his thrusts and his demeanor that is a new side to him I haven't seen. 
He shows me no mercy that night, fucking me on the table, on the couch, on the coffee table and anywhere else he could possibly think of until my body is spent. 
"You learned your lesson?" he says after pulling out for the last time and dragging his finger up and down my slit, not letting up on the overstimulating. "Yes, fuck. Please stop" I beg through sobs and thankfully he ends this torture that felt never ending. 
"Get some rest Angel, I'll see you again soon" he says after leaving me lying on the ground as that was the last place we finished. 
Once he's all dressed again he takes the room card in between two fingers just like he had done with the condom before and places it on the kitchen counter. "Don't worry about checking out in the morning. I booked the room for two nights so leave whenever you're ready" he finishes and walks out and into the elevator without bothering to give me a second glance. 
After taking a few deep breaths to calm my rapid heart beat I get up and limp over to the bathroom, turning on the shower and sitting with my back facing the stream of hot water pelting against my skin. 
Letting myself fall apart I'm left sobbing and curled up in a ball.' How can he be this cruel? Why can't he just leave me alone? I don't understand why he keeps on doing this to me.' Those are the thoughts that plague my mind as I try to regain some sense of reality.
My reality is a nightmare and there's no way I'm making it out of this dream without hurting everyone. I don't think I'm strong enough to see the look on their faces and I'm not sure if I ever will be. I need to do what's best for my family and at this point with the way he's acting there's no way out...
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ddejavvu · 1 year
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can i request telling aaron you are not the type of person to get married or have kids because of some childhood stuff. maybe him trying to convince you it doesnt matter but you fighting him and saying that its all he’s wanted. sorry for the specificity, just going through an awakening.
You've always had this sinking feeling that you and Aaron aren't right for each other in the long run. It's bliss now, cuddled up on the couch for a movie night or bent over the kitchen counter when you've got the house to yourselves, but when your mind starts moving beyond date nights and sex-capades, you panic.
You're not the marriage type. A long relationship doesn't bother you, but the label, the spectacle, the permanence of it all unnerves you. It's an issue that's stemmed from your young years, and it hasn't gone away yet. Kids are even worse to think about; at least, having your own. Aaron's son is a sweetheart, and you have no problem making him lunches or tucking him in with a story at night, but the thought of having one of your own makes you want to flee.
Unfortunately, you think that's exactly what Aaron wants with you.
The conversation starts with an innocent, but inappropriate question from Jack, "Daddy, when are you and Y/N getting married?". And you foresee it ending in a breakup, which is why your chest is tight and your breathing is shallow while Aaron rubs your back. You're sitting on the bed, faced away from him, outwardly closed-off, but he's still comforting you.
"Sweetheart," His deep voice hums, "He didn't mean anything by it. He doesn't understand how the world works, he thinks anyone who's dating has to be married. He asked JJ's niece when she's getting married to her boyfriend, they're sixteen."
"It's not his fault," You mutter, "It's mine."
"Well that's not true," Aaron wants to scold you, but he refrains, "It's not your fault you don't want to be married."
"But it's not your fault you do, either."
"I'd love to marry you," Aaron answers honestly, "But not if you don't want to. I'd also love to date you, to live with you, to love you regardless of our marital status. Marriage isn't the dream, you are."
"I don't want kids, either." You remind him, your back still turned. "Jack is sweet. But I don't want to have one myself."
"That's alright," Aaron agrees without hesitation, "I don't need another one."
"Dammit, Aaron," You snap, moving away from his touch, "Why are you doing this? Why are you sacrificing your wants like this?"
"I'm not sacrificing anything," He frowns, watching as you retreat towards the bay window in your shared bedroom, "If this wasn't worth it for me, I wouldn't be here. But you are worth it."
"You want to be married," You inform him, pinching the bridge of your nose between two fingers, "You want kids. Hello, that's exactly what you did with Haley!"
"Haley is exactly why I don't care if we're married with kids," He huffs, "Our marriage certificate didn't stop that bullet. Jack wasn't enough to convince Foyet to spare her. People die, and terrible things happen, and if you don't love people while they're here, you may never get to again. Sweetheart, I don't love you because I want to get married to you. I don't love you because I want to have kids with you. I love you because you're you, and I want to love you forever. I don't care if we get married. I don't care if we have kids. I just care that I get to love you while I still can."
You speak through the tears that have blossomed on your water line, "But don't you still want that stuff? Even if you don't need it?"
"Honey," He says, like he's exasperated with you, "I don't care. I have Jack already, I don't need you to force yourself to have a kid with me if you don't want one. And marriage isn't a requirement for love. Marriage is- it's a piece of paper, sweetheart. A legal title. I don't need one of those, I don't need another kid, all I need is you. All I want is you."
"What if you change your mind?" You sniffle, and as your shoulders deflate, his arms wrap around your waist.
"I don't think I will," His chest presses to your back, and his lips brush against the shell of your ear. He’d kiss it if if was a less sensual place, but he doesn’t want you to think he’s making any moves. Not now, not when you’re just barely starting to lean into his embrace.
“But if I do, we’ll discuss it, and you’ll know. Okay? I won’t keep it a secret.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” He nods, nestling his cheek flush to yours, “You’re what I want, sweetheart.”
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