#this probably is not super coherent but 1. neither am I

[nimblermortal]

Spent a significant portion of a road trip trying to explain time signatures to Hyacinth, with ultimately this breakthrough:

Hyacinth: Oh! The lower number is how many ticks of the metronome you skip!

Nimbler, a bowed string player: wut

Hyacinth, a beginning plucked string player: It's how many ticks of the metronome you don't play on!

I had been wondering how plucked strings handle the distinction between whole notes and quarter-followed-by-three-rests...

[mrs-harkness]

Ocean Eyes (Part 1)

Pairing: Tammy x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.6K

Taglist: @peggycarter-steverogers @imgayandmymomdoesntknow 

A/n: Hey guys. Sorry for the wait. Life has been so busy as I just became a certified therapist and just life stuff in general. This is just going to be a mini fic for fun while I work on writing my next big one- which will be for Cordelia! Literally nothing like Run to Me, so I hope you don’t find it disappointing. Just a little filler while I work out the plot for my next story!

You pulled out your phone, checking the time. 1:53 PM. Your interview was at 2 o'clock and if you didn't figure out where you were quickly, you were going to be late. You walked faster, panic dialing your best friend who had gotten you the interview.

"Hello?" the sweet voice chimed on the other end.

"Sarah! Help! I'm lost," you pleaded, looking at the address on the piece of paper in your hand and trying to match it to the towering houses around you.

"How did you get lost? I gave you the exact address. Did the driver put it in wrong?"

"No. I made the Uber drop me off at the entrance to the neighborhood because his car looked super sketch and I didn't want the mom to see me step out of a car that looks like it was used in a 70's porn film. I started walking and I got lost."

You heard Sarah shuffling around in the background, and what sounded like the tapping of keys.

"Okay, give me the address for the closest house," she said. Your best friend was a life saver.

"Uhhh... 768 Elm Street," you told her, trying not to look suspicious in this wealthy neighborhood.

"Hmmm. Okay you're literally two streets over. If you go to the end of this street, take a right and walk less than two blocks. You'll make it to maple from there. You somehow managed to be right behind her house. It will take you about ten minutes."

Shit.

"No! There has got to be a quicker way! I am going to be late!" You whined, stomping your feet on the sidewalk in frustration.

"Yeah, Tammy is not going to like that. She is very patient but she's got three kids so she really only has enough patience for them. Well wait, hang on a second."

"What? Did you find a quicker route?"

"Sorta. You should have just stayed in the Uber."

"Sarah I did not want to pull up like Will Smith from the Fresh Prince of Belaire, now spit it out already!"

"Well that house you are standing in front of? Technically if you could find a way into their backyard and through the trees... you could get to Tammy's house in half the time."

You looked at the house in front of you. It looked more like a post office than a home. Large marble columns, real gas lamps framing a shiny oak door, and a second floor balcony that seemed larger than Sarah's whole apartment. This is not the type of property you just meandered around on, but this job was also not the type of opportunity you just let slip away by being two minutes late.

You walked a little to the side of the house, and there you found your favorite thing of the whole house: A gate to the backyard.

"I'm gonna do it," you say to Sarah, who had been quiet this entire time.

There was more silence, before you heard your best friend draw in a breath.

"Don't get arrested please. Call me when you're done, or in lock up. Either way, be safe."

Sarah had always been someone who just supported and loved you no matter what. Whether it was moving on a whim to another city and crashing on her couch indefinitely or trespassing through a rich family's yard to get the job that would help you get started on your dreams. She was that type of friend and you loved her for it.

You didn't even say goodbye as you hung up and checked the time again. 1:55 PM mocked you on the screen. You shoved the phone in your pocket before quickly looking around. No one was out and about thankfully probably due to the heat picking up, so you walked briskly over to the gate.

You said a prayer and begged the universe to be kind to you under your breath as you forced yourself to find the courage and flung open the lock to the gate, letting it swing open. You looked around the yard really quickly to find it empty as well. Maybe this wouldn't be hard at all.

You closed the gate behind you and you quickly jogged into the yard. There was a picnic table close to the other side of the fence and you would be able to hop right over! You breathed a sigh of relief because everything was going to plan, until the dog.

A ear piecing yap began sounding through the yard like an obnoxious security alarm. You turned and saw that the back of the home was basically one big window and there inside was the ugliest looking purse dog you had ever seen, notifying every living creature with working ears within a mile of your presence.

You watched horrified as the owner of said ugly dog appeared in the view of the window like some horror movie on a tv screen. An older woman, dressed as if she had been in the middle of a workout, was also now yapping at you angrily and  making her way to her giant window wall.

Your feet started moving before you realized what was happening and you bolted to the back of the yard and onto the picnic table, jumping and throwing one of your legs over the fence. The little old woman made it to a sliding glass door, releasing her dog and profanities towards you.

The dog tore across the lawn, but thankfully was no actual threat. You looked at the woman as you threw your other leg over the fence.

"I'm not a criminal! I'm sorry! I just got lost on the way to a job interview. You have a nice home!" you yelled, trying to prove to this stranger you were not bad, just had poor execution of your ideas. You dropped over the other side of the fence and into the wooded area behind the home, running as fast as your feet could carry you from the angry woman and her angrier dog.

It only took you about a minute of running full force to make it to another fence, a fence you were praying was Tammy's. You ran around the length of it, following it to the front of the house. You shakily pulled out the paper from your pocket and checked the address. You had made it. This was the house. You laughed, more relieved than anything, and jogged to the front door.

You knocked and weren't even able to take a full breath before the door opened.

There before you stood the most beautiful woman you had ever laid your eyes on. Her hair was the color of sand on the beaches of heaven its self and her eyes looked like brownies fresh from the over, and you had the strange thought of wanting to burn your mouth on them.

Y/n, that's weird. Stop it.

You stared at her, trying not to look to heavily at her gorgeous smile at the fear she may think you were looking at her lips. Even though you kind of were. You forced yourself to smile back.

"You must be Y/n," she said, looking at her watch, "and you are right on time. Let it be known I find that super attractive."

You chuckle nervously, unable to process a coherent thought. You really just hoped she couldn't tell you had just ran through the woods to stand stupid on her doorstep. Thankfully it didn't seem like she did and stepped aside, letting you in.

The home was gorgeous and lavish, but also homey and seemed lived in. You could hear the distant laughter of children somewhere in the house and portraits of what you could only assume were those children hung on the walls. You did notice though that there was a lack of family portraits probably due to the husband no longer being in the picture.

Sarah had filled you in a little bit about the family situation. She had worked with them over the summer and was working for them when they filed for divorce. Supposedly neither of them seemed upset by it, but he had still decided to move into another town. Tammy supposedly worked a very busy job and with three rambunctious kids, help was needed. Sarah had helped them occasionally, but Tammy needed something more permanent and hopefully that's where you would come in.

You followed Tammy into a big open kitchen and sat down with her at the kitchen table.

"Can I offer you some tea or water?" she said sweetly.

Even though you were parched from the mini marathon you had just ran, you politely declined. You pulled your resume out of your bag and put it on the table. Tammy reached over and took it, looking at it before smiling back up at you.

"I know Sarah said you had just moved here, so what brought you to town?" Tammy asked.

You hoped the look of confusion was not obvious on your face because you were expecting only questions about the job. You were unsure how useful you would be talking about yourself right now.

"Uh, well I came to town for a fresh start, and with Sarah here, it just seemed like the best place to restart."

"Running from something?" Tammy asked, putting down the resume and taking a sip of something in a mug that had been sitting on the table.

"N-no ma'am. Nothing illegal. I am not a criminal. I told the old lady the same thing," you stuttered.

Tammy raised her eyebrow at the last part, but you kept going to breeze over it hopefully.

"I just- I got my heartbroken and got kicked out of the apartment we shared. I didn't feel like I was making anything of my life where I was and I have such big dreams, but all I found there was pain and complacency, so I came here in hope to change that."

You voice sounded small and you ringed your hands in your lap, nervous that you may have said too much. Tammy's face softened even more somehow though and she smiled at you over the edge of her mug. She stared at you for a moment, her eyes seeming to sparkle. She nodded and looked down at your resume again.

"Well, you certainly have quite an impressive track record here. You seem like a kid expert. And because I already did a background check on you, I feel comfortable saying, if you would like the job its yours."

You sat there at the table, now not trying to hide the stunned look on your face. You had a harder time getting over the fence than getting employed by this woman.

"That's it? You don't need to ask me anything else? You're giving me the job?" you ask, stumbling over your words.

Tammy laughs and it feels like butterflies flutter in your belly. You like to make her laugh, but you aren't sure if she think's you're funny or stupid.

"With my life and my job, Y/n, the thing that is most important to me is being able to trust you. With my kids, my day to day life, and if I need your help with something. Trust and honesty go a long way with me, and you proved that with one question," she said, coming over to you with a glass of water.

You took it with a smile, forcing yourself to take a slow slip.

"Well, you can definitely trust me. And I'd be honored to by your nanny," you say, excitement and nervousness flowering inside your chest.

Tammy smiles sweetly at you.

"Consider yourself part of the family Y/n. Now you do know this is a live in position right? Sarah told you that?"

You nodded, that having been one of the main reasons you wanted the job. As much as you loved Sarah, you did not love sleeping on her couch. Being a live in nanny presented its own set of challenges, but it wouldn't be forever.

"Good. Can you move in today?"

You choked on your water, coughing and spitting it all over your shirt. Tammy laughed at you, and your cheeks burned red. Now you were embarrassed and Tammy sensed that.

"I'm sorry Y/n, I didn't mean to shock you. I just really need your help around here as soon as possible. And it would be better if you just came on in and got to know me and the kids since you're going to be a big part of our lives."

She handed you a paper towel, looking down at you with a comforting expression. Your cheeks burned red again, but not from embarrassment. You looked away and cleared your throat, unsure why you were so flustered.

"Sure. Yeah, no problem. I just need to run home and grab my clothes and things, but I don't have any furniture so-"

"Oh don't worry. You'll have the whole attic. Its renovated and fully furnished and you'll have your own bathroom. You don't need to worry about buying anything."

That was a relief. It would have taken you a while to afford those things.

You got up and walked with Tammy to the front door, her opening it for you.

"Thank you Ms. Tammy for hiring me, you will not regret it. I will take good care of your kids and make your life as easy as I possibly can," you say, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, attempting to look confident and wanting to ensure Tammy she had made the right choice.

She chuckled again, putting a little hole in that confidence, but it was quickly repaired when she wrapped her arms around you. It shocked you and you stood there, frozen for a second before hugging her back.

"I know you will. You're going to be a wonderful addition to our lives, all of our lives," she said. Her voice had a hint of something in it, making it seem like silk, but then you felt her pulling on your hair a bit and you felt like your legs may fall out from under you. Who was this woman?

Before you could assume anything further though, she pulled back and revealed she had taken a small branch with green leaves from your hair. You laughed nervously. Tammy cocked an eyebrow at you and smiled cheekily, holding it up.

"That is a funny story... I can explain that. I promise I bathe."

It was Tammy who laughed this time thankfully. She nodded and played with the branch in between her long, manicured fingers.

"That's alright. You can tell me about it tonight over drinks once you are home. I'd like to get to know you better while we get you settled."

Something about the way she said it made your breath catch in your throat. She smiled at you and you two said your goodbyes. You would text her when you were on the way back home. How strange that felt.

You sat in a much cleaner Uber on the way back to Sarah's, your head pressed against the glass. You couldn't stop thinking about Tammy and it seemed like you also couldn't wipe the smile from your face either. It seemed almost like a dream.

Just then, your phone buzzed and you were pulled from the thoughts of the woman to see that her name was on your screen. You quickly held the phone up to unlock it, suddenly overcome with the need of answering her at a moments notice. Thankfully it was not a message of her changing her mind.

Btw, just call me Tammy. Ms. Tammy is a little formal ;)

You smiled and bit your lip, quickly responding.

Okay, Tammy :)

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

[mediocre--writing]

The One Where Bucky’s Not Ready (Headcannon)

Bucky Barnes X Neutral!Teeange!Reader

(also kinda Reader X boyfriend)

Summary: You’re Bucky’s kid and one of the most mature, intelligent kids ever, but when you don’t come home after Winter Formal, Bucky flips out. (Based on season 1, episode 9 of Gilmore Girls)

Word Count: 1670

Warnings: Allusion to doing the dirty, but nothing mature

so, you’re like the best child known to man

like you have one of the best GPAs in your school

(and the state, lets be honest here)

you have never done anything wrong in your life, aside from like maybe yell at someone

(but it was 9th grade and they shouldn’t have been bullying the sweet, little, harmless, unwillingly outed gay boy in homeroom)

ANYWAY

it’s finally 11th grade and you get to go to the upperclassmen dances

like the winter formal and prom

fun times, dancing, music, and best of all, free food

you’re also going with your first boyfriend and you bought a new outfit that was a deep blue with a white mesh that sparkles like stars on the bottom

so you were excited to say the least

BUT

bucky has been dreading this day

he’s been dreading this day for a WHILE

because his little baby is growing up and they look beautiful but they’re going with a BOY

so you could say he’s a bit nervous

possibly a bit paranoid

no

completely and utterly horrified because HIS PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY and A BOY are driving THEMSELVES to a sparsely supervised high school dance

and he KNOWS what can happen at high school dances

oh yeah

he, too, was a kid once (hard to believe but true)

but he let you go

he did a bit of a background check on the sketchy looking boy but apparently he’s still just an ‘innocent little 17-year old boy’

he thinks that’s bull crap

and he asked tony to check but he just doesn’t think it’s right

so he had virtually no excuse to not let you go

he tried

“but what if he’s a bad driver?”

“are you sure he’s really that nice? he could be faking”

“but what if [insert ridiculous dad-type thing he’d say here]

it was endless

but when your date came to the door and your face lit up with a childish grin, bucky knew that he couldn’t hold you back anymore

you were growing up

it didn’t mean he would stop worrying

because it’s bucky and he’s never NOT worried once in his damn life

like have you met steve???

he has reason to believe you’d get into some sort of mess

but he couldn’t stop you from doing things anymore

so he reminds you of something that you forgot to grab earlier

and gives the boy a “sTeRn tAlKiNg tO”

more like a few death threats followed by sarcastic chuckles

and serial killer glares

but once you returned from upstairs, it was all fine and dandy

albeit your fidgeting date

so you went off with your boyfriend and had a wonderful time at the dance

you both ate more than you should have

you danced together

even a slow dance that was incredibly awkward and you both MAY have stepped on each others toes

six times

...each

but it was fine

and to your dads surprise, you weren’t exceedingly drunk by the time people were leaving

‘cause you didn’t drink anything but water

because you’re a goodie-two-shoes

but you still know how to have fun!!!

but you guys weren’t tired, and it was only 10:30

and bucky said you didn’t have to be back until midnight

so you did the rational thing

and went to mcdonald’s

because you’re growing children and need all the nourishment you can get

(“mcdonald’s isn’t providing any sort of nourishing food” “shut up steven”)

but you guys had fun

and you went on your way back home

but you forgot you had left your laptop at the avengers compound

and so you made a quick stop before heading home

but since it was closer to midnight than you thought, nobody knew you had gone in to grab something

and as you made your way up to the guest wing where you would do homework in between yours or your fathers training

and you grabbed your laptop

but your date flopped on the bed like a giddy child, bouncing up and down

“did you know this room had a wAtErBeD?!?!”

the buffoon

but you just chuckled as he laid down

he sat against the headboard and threw his hands behind his head

hitting a panel

which turned on the flashing LED lights and the tv that appeared seemingly out of the wall

ya boi was having heart palpitations for this room

he wasn’t even coherent at this point

just giggling and bouncing on the waterbed

but he had the CUTEST SMILE

and he was smiling so bright the crows feet around his eyes made an appearance

so you took of your shoes because

“damnit heels HURT after hours of dancing”

and you jumped on the bed with him

and you guys laid there for a moment

or what you thought was a moment

because you were both giggling

then you both had fallen asleep

but bucky trusted you and he was asleep by 9:45 that night

because he knew you would be home on time

oh boy oh boy oh boy

when he woke up to his phone ringing

and it was steve asking if he wanted to go on an early morning run

bucky was already in a bad mood

but agreed to go

so he went downstairs to check on you in your room

but oh boy the bed is empty

and bucky’s thinking rationally like you’re probably safe at a friends or whatever

but he’s never had the talk with you

he thinks you’ve mentioned it to natasha at some point or another

but he’s never addressed it

and he DOES NOT WANT YOU DOING MATURE THINGS AT 16

he doesn’t want to be a grandpa yet

he’s barely gotten used to the father thing and he’s been a father for like 16 years

but he’s not READY FOR THAT

AND NEITHER ARE YOU

but little does he know that while he’s talking to steve on the phone while freaking out

that tony motherfuckin stark is laughing his ass off because he can hear steve and bucky talking because steve’s phone’s volume is always way too loud

(#OldPeopleThings)

and he can hear steve trying to reassure bucky that

“the child was raised by assassins she’s PROBABLY NOT DEAD”

but tony’s just looking at his guest room where there are flashing LED lights still on and two (FULLY DRESSED and obviously very tired) teenagers sleeping on a waterbed

so he goes to steve and pulls him by the back of the shirt to the guest room and just points

and steve snorts (very loudly), which wakes up the kiddos

and bucky is SCREAMING

like no filter cussing out steve because

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING I DONT WANT GRANDKIDS YET AND MY KID IS GONE”

but once you’re fully awake and realize that the sun is up, you’re not in your room, and steve and tony and YOUR BOYFRIEND are in a room with you

and your eyes widen

and then you realize

you fucked up.

so you grab your heels and phone and BOLT out that door

you don’t even have your car because you drove with your date

but you sprint to tony’s garage

because you can apologized or taking one of his cars later but you can’t do that if your dad kills you

so you’re def speeding

because you’ve never done anything bad and you can’t have this make your dad not trust you anymore

but back at the compound your bf and steve and tony are all talking to bucky on speakerphone

which is an event in itself

“barnes your kid is in my car driving to your house”

“no! i wanna talk to the BOY!”

said boy is terrified

“mr. barnes, bucky, james, sergeant, sir i didn’t do anything with y/n i promise”

“i don’t trust him! steve is he lying????”

“how the fuck am i supposed to know i’ve met the kid like three times?”

***exasperated sigh***

“wait she just pulled into the driveway!”

so you come inside

still holding your shoes you never bothered to put on

and bucky is just standing there

watching you

with his serial killer eyes

the ones that don’t scare you

or so you thought

“so.....

[dramatic pause]

where were you???”

and jeeze you’ve never talked faster than that moment

any and all of the speeches you’ve given are noting compared to the utter BULLSHIT coming out of your mouth right now

and your shaking and bucky realizes then

you’d never do anything like that yet

he’s being an overprotective dad

because you still ask him to drive your own car

and you still ask him to braid your hair when you want it to look SUPER GOOD

and you aren’t a complete idiot

and even if you DID DO IT, you would’ve been smart about it

and he realizes that you’re perfect

and that even though you’re a teenager you are more mature than most adults 

so he does the smart thing

he takes the shoes and your phone out of your hands gently

sets them on the table by the door

and he hugs you

really tight

LIKE REALLY TIGHT

“dad you’re hurting me”

he lets go and has tears in his eyes

“i know you didn’t do anything but you’re growing up and i’m gonna miss my baby”

and you tear up a bit

and bucky’s phone rings

it’s steve

but it’s NOT

ITS BOYFRIEND

“sir i swear we didn’t do anything. we fell asleep and mr america said that i should call you but i didn’t have your number and he gave me his phone and i’m really sorry but don’t make us break up because i REALLY like y/n and she’s important to me and i don’t want to lose them yet and i just feel awful”

and bucky hangs up in the middle of THAT

and texts steve

“tell that kid to calm down nothings gonna happen to him

...

......

unless he does it again”

[murdereraisuha]

screaming about chapter 5 but more coherently this time

This is gonna cover 1. the recent update’s events in comparison to my previous theories & expectations, 2. the winner of the VDC and Vil’s character development 3. Kalim & Jamil’s character development, and 4. the main story moving forward

Spoilers for everything up to 5-67. Word count: 2117

So, in my “Jamil is Snow White” theory post, I used the events of the original Snow White to try and guess how TWST chapter 5 would correlate to it and what characters would fill what roles (Snow White, huntsman, prince, etc.) in the story.

Originally, I kind of assumed the beginning of chapter 5 would line up to either the beginning of the movie or halfway through when the Queen is already hatching her plan to get Snow White with the poison apple. However, it seems like the movie events have actually been compacted into 5-57 to 5-67.

After the NRC rehearsal, Vil becomes the most beautiful, corresponding to the beginning of the movie when the Queen is still the most beautiful. Then, Neige, out of his natural cuteness rather than hard work and practice like Vil, usurps him, representing the point Snow White becomes the fairest in the land. The next part with the apple juice and Rook coming to the rescue is a mix of the next part of the movie, when the huntsman tells Snow White to run, and the part of the movie with the poison apple. Then, the MC and the rest of the dance team kind of act like the dwarves by fighting the Queen/Vil. However, other than that, everyone follows their corresponding role: Neige is Snow White and Rook is the huntsman.

I think the story as it has played out makes sense. I was initially startled by Vil suddenly going murder mode, but. To work so hard on this song and choreography and training up your team, only to have the media love your lifetime rival who’s only brought an arrange of a kid’s song with clumsy singing and dancing to the table, potentially crushing your plan for victory here... I understand Vil’s feelings here and the sudden, desperate decision to curse Neige.

Rook’s actions after that don’t seem too out of line with what we know about his personality and his unconventional beliefs/actions regarding beauty and Vil’s beauty. Seriously though, wtf please don’t just drink poison. Anyway, I really enjoyed Kalim coming in then. The way he noticed Vil’s face being like Jamil’s before his overblot? The part when he tried to remind Vil that no one drank the juice so Vil hasn’t hurt anyone yet? Good stuff right there.

However, the way things played out also disappointed me somewhat. Though we had a Kalim & Jamil interaction, we still haven’t had a good resolution to their character/relationship development, so hopefully that’s in the final part of chapter 5. Furthermore, though Kalim did slap the apple juice away, I really felt like he and Jamil would have had more involvement with poison/curses in this part considering all the stuff in this chapter about Kalim being poisoned in the past.

There’s also the fact that all Jamil did was evacuate the area, it was Kalim and Rook who were around when Vil overblotted. The pattern of the previous overblot causing the next has kind of been broken. It could mean that the pattern was actually the dorm leader causes the next overblot?? Anyway, I’m hoping that Jamil will have his time in the spotlight in the next part.

-----

So that kind of brings me to the future. First off, who will win the VDC? Personally, I think that it will be NRC. With everyone so enthusiastically proclaiming in 5-67 that they’re going to win the championship, it would feel off for them to fail. From things that Vil has said this chapter, like in 5-37 when he admonishes Deuce that effort isn’t enough to succeed, it seems like the bad route/worst case scenario of Vil’s outlook is to lose hope that his efforts will ever give him success or a happy end. Therefore, the good route would be for him to keep hope, to keep the belief that he can get his happy end, and I think winning the VDC would be the thing that would support this belief. I do not think he would learn much from losing; if he has already lost and got relegated to the role of villain so many times before, one more time would not mean much to him. 

Other people have said that Vil also needs to learn to chill and stop holding people to such high standards, which is something I agree with. Though Epel’s beliefs on masculinity and power were pretty harmful, Vil’s methods of trying to correct those beliefs were also harmful. Vil’s treatment of Epel at the end of Epel’s ceremony robes story seriously left a bad taste in my mouth. The thing is, something or someone would need to prompt a change in Vil’s beliefs for a change to occur. After Deuce and Epel’s  outing, they seem to be pretty chill with Vil, so there aren’t any conflicts in the group. I can’t think of anyone in the team other than Kalim and maybe Ace who would have a strong enough opinion on not pushing yourself too hard that they would try and give that opinion to Vil, and Kalim’s already had a big interaction with Vil in 5-62.

So, I feel like any further Vil character development this chapter would come from an interaction with Neige. Going back to the debate of who will win VDC, we know that Vil resents Neige for always being the hero. If Neige won yet again, would Vil take what he says to heart? However, if Vil won, that would be a new situation. I think that the first things he hears from a Neige that has finally lost would be impactful to him.

I’m not sure though of all this though because of this line in 5-66:

Vil’s saying that throwing a tantrum and taking it out on other people was awful of him. Though it obviously refers to his attempts to murder before and during his overblot, it could also point to an overall shift in mindset regarding how he treats others. His attempts to mold Epel into a poison apple, for example, stemmed from his own ambitions and frustration at Neige, which you could interpret as a sort of tantrum that he then took out on Epel. Vil may have already learned to relax on pushing his high standards on others.

Regardless of if that’s true or not, I personally think that Vil and Neige still have a lot that they could learn from each other, assuming my perception of Neige as being innocent rather than a white lotus is correct. Vil’s team’s performance had a lot of cohesion and rehearsal put into it, but it was very competitive focused. On the other hand, Neige and the dwarves obviously had a lot of fun with their performance. However, it was clumsy and they were ill prepared. Therefore, Vil could teach Neige more discipline and planning while Neige could teach Vil about how to not lose sight of finding joy in your work.

-----

As I have already said, I’m hoping for more Kalim & Jamil stuff in the final part of chapter 5. I originally theorized that something would happen to one of them, probably Kalim, and that would lead to some sort of reveal about their feelings and the chapter would end with them clearly on the trajectory to repair their relationship and really become friends. 

Since nothing happened yet and neither got poisoned/cursed, I think then that the event that sparks the finale of their character development would probably relate directly to the VDC. First off for our possibilities, we have the two’s families watching as Jamil takes the spotlight as a main vocal while Kalim is in the back. Given what we know, I don’t think Kalim’s family would be too happy about that. The conflict from that definitely seems like it could result not only in some sort of understanding between Kalim and Jamil, but also maybe even a change in Jamil or his family’s status. For a less dramatic possibility, we also know from 5-47 that Jamil’s sister will be coming to watch. If she makes an appearance, perhaps she will have some unexpected insight to say that would lead to a discussion & development between Jamil and Kalim.

Finally, my Jamil becomes the most beautiful theory might still be partially true, though idk if that’s just me not wanting to give up on it cause of how funny it would be. Basically, the theory was that, after the VDC performances, the internet/media become super interested in Jamil due to how talented and handsome he is. I originally thought that could serve as a factor for Vil overblot, but now I think it could prompt some discussion & development between Jamil and Kalim due to it serving as a clear example of Jamil finally showing his true ability and by how much Jamil was letting Kalim win. Furthermore, Vil might be affected by an event like that. Though the overblot’s already happened, perhaps something happening with Jamil specifically would lead to something happening between him and Vil, fulfilling the pattern of the previous overblot doing stuff with the next. I’m out of ideas for the Scarabia boys, so let’s continue.

-----

Honestly, I don’t think anything will happen with Idia and Ortho outside of a quick teaser at the very end of the chapter. Considering that we still have to cover all the stuff with the VDC performance and its results and the aftermath of the results, Idia’s presentation thingy might not even happen until chapter 6.  ?

Idk, rn I’m more concerned about the overarching plot with Mickey Mouse than I am about chapter 6 Ignihyde shenanigans. So, we had a little flash of the Queen/Hag during the day, and also we finally discovered that Malleus is Malleus. So things are picking up a bit. I’m not sure if something unexpectedly big this chapter will happen though. I’ve seen people saying that the boss was surprisingly easy so there might be another big battle coming up. I don’t actually play the game so I don’t know anything about that, is it intentional or is it just that the chapter took so long to update that y’all had tons of time to beef up your boys? For me, it did feel like the Vil overblot was the climax of the chapter. With all the other stuff like the VDC results and the Scarabia boys’ character development, I don’t know if there’s any more room. There could be some big new info with Mickey Mouse or Grim’s bad eating habit, but I can’t picture something happening that would warrant another boss battle.

I do have some thoughts on Mickey Mouse, but I think I’ll save my memey ones for another post and wait for the end of chapter 5 before getting my serious thoughts together. Anyway, now a little talk on chapter 6. So, we have 4 options: chapter 6 will be something regarding Idia’s presentation, something regarding Deuce borrowing the magical wheel, something combining those two plot points, or something else entirely. 

Well, for something combining those two, Riddle was the one wanting Idia to go do the presentation in person, right? So, Idia probably doesn’t like Riddle that much. Maybe he wants to make some sort of plan to get back at Riddle. What can he use? 

Uh I just looked back at 5-39 to figure out what exactly is up and one translation says Deuce forcefully borrowed the magical wheel and another says he borrowed it as a huge favor??? The original says 無理言って借りてきた, deepL translates it as forcibly borrowed, 無理を言って means asking for something unreasonable. What exactly are the circumstances here?

Okay whatever, look, Deuce is in some sort of debt to Ignihyde. Idia could use him since he and Riddle are in the same dorm. Idk my train of thought got wrecked by the translation confusion.

But anyway so we know Deuce is probably gonna be Meg. I’ve never watched Hercules and I don’t know anything about it aside from what I’ve just read on wikipedia. The summary there says that Hercules kills a bunch of monsters and becomes famous then Hades holds Meg hostage in exchange for Hercule’s powers and Hercules accepts the trade but then “Hades reveals that Meg was working for Hades all along” ??? And then in the end though “ Hercules chooses to remain on Earth with Meg”. So what happens, is Meg good or what? Alright it might be better to at least wait for whatever sneak peek of chapter 6 we get at the end of chapter 5 before speculating. Let’s end this here before it gets any longer.

[arcticdementor]

I have to begin this column by admitting that “Biden” (note: when in quotation marks, I refer to the “collective Biden”, not the clearly senile man) surprised me: it appears that my personal rule-of-thumb about US Presidents (each one is even worse than his predecessor) might not necessarily apply in “Biden’s” case. That is not to say that “Biden” won’t end up proving my rule of thumb as still applicable, just that what I am seeing right now is not what I feared or expected.

…

I think that both of these grossly oversimplify a probably much more complex and nuanced reality. In other words, “Biden” surprised many, if not most, Russians. That is very interesting by itself (neither Bush, nor Obama nor Trump ever surprised the Russians – who knew the score about all of them – in any meaningful way).

My strictly personal guess is that there is some very serious infighting currently taking place inside the US ruling class. Furthermore, that serious infighting is not about core principles or even strategy – it is a dispute over tactics only.

We have to keep in mind an old truism about outcomes: John F. Kennedy once said that “victory has a hundred fathers, but defeat is an orphan” and he was right. When any group seizes power and effectively controls its interests, all is well, and everybody is busy consuming the proverbial milk and honey. But when this group suffers a series of humiliating defeats, a typical cascade of events begins:

Finger pointing: everybody blames everybody else (but never himself/herself)

Hindsight wisdom: “if I had been in charge, this would not have happened!”

Infighting over quickly shrinking spoils of war

A collapse of the centralized center of authority/decision-making centers

Generation of subgroups, fighting each other over their sub-interests

In other words, following many years of extremely weak presidential administrations (since Clinton, imho), it is hardly a surprise that infighting would take place (in both parties, by the way). In fact, an apparently chaotic set of uncoordinated, or even contradictory, policies is what one should expect. And that is exactly what we have been observing since 1993 and this dynamic has been getting worse and worse with each passing year).

…

That being said, there are some observations which might be helpful when trying to at least (indirectly) identify who are the main groups fighting each other.

The hardcore, really nutty, russophobes are still here, especially in the US media which seems to be serving not so much “Biden” as much as some “crazies in the basement” kind of cabal. Next to the legacy ziomedia, there is an increasing number of US/NATO/UK military officials who are foaming at the mouth with threats, warnings, complaints and insults, all against Putin and Russia. This is important because:

The “Zone A” media has comprehensively and very effectively concealed the very real risks of war with Russia, China and Iran. And if this was mentioned, the presstitutes always stressed that the US has the “best military in the history of the galaxy” and that Uncle Sam will “kickass” anybody he chooses to. If the people of the USA were informed of the truth of the matter, they would freak out and demand that this path to war be immediately abandoned and replaced with a meaningful dialog.

US/NATO/UK authorities have talked themselves into a corner where they have only two outcomes left: they can do what the US always does, that is to “declare victory and leave”, or they can force Russia to protect her borders on land, air and sea and, thereby, face a major military humiliation delivered by Russia.

Truth be told, during the recent naval exercises UK and US officials made a lot of threats and promises to ignore Russian warnings, but in the end, they quietly packed and left. Smart choice, but it must have been painfully humiliating for them, which is very dangerous by itself.

…

There will be many more NATO exercises in the Black Sea in the future. Ditto for USN operations off the Chinese, Iranian or DPRK coasts. This (always explosive) combo of ignorance, arrogance and incompetence could result in a major war.

LAnother option is the terminally delusional UK government (supported by those Brits who still have phantom pains about their lost empire and, of course, by the largely irrelevant 3B+PU gang) might do something really stupid (say, like this) and trigger a war with the DPRK, Russia, China or Iran and then the US would have to move to defend/save a British Navy which is mostly a joke (at least by Russian or Chinese standards). The main problem here being that the USN is also in a terrible shape and cannot compete against Russian and Chinese standoff weapons (I mean that literally, there are currently no defenses against maneuvering hypersonic missiles! The only exception would be the Russian S-500). The latter two nations, by the way, have joined into an informal and unofficial military alliance for many years already; check out this article and video or this one for a recent update).

But opposite, de-escalatory developments are also taking place. First and foremost, “Biden” seemed to have “farmed out” the “Ukrainian dossier” to the Germans and washed Uncle Shmuel’s hands from it. If so, that was a very slick and smart move (which is something we have not witnessed from any administration in decades!). I highly recommend this translation of a most interesting article by arguably the best Ukraine specialist out there, Rostislav Ishchenko.

Ishchenko goes into a lot of interesting details and explains what “Biden” apparently just did. Frankly, the Germans richly deserve this full-spectrum mess and they will be dealing with the consequences of this disaster for a long time, possibly decades. In fact, the Germans are stuck: they want to be the Big European Leader? Let them. After all, the EU politicians, led by Germany, did all they could to create what is now often called “country 404” – a black hole in the heart of the European continent. Germany is the biggest economic power of the EU? Good, then let the Germans (and the rest of the EU) pay for the eventual reconstruction of the Ukraine (or of the successor-states resulting from the breakup of the country)! Russia simply cannot foot that bill, China most definitely won’t (especially after being cheated several times by the Ukies) and the USA has absolutely no reasons whatsoever to do so. I would even argue that chaos (social, economic, political, cultural. etc.) in Europe is probably seen by the US ruling class as highly desirable since it 1) weakens the EU as a competitor 2) justifies, however hypocritically and mistakenly, a “strong US presence” in Europe and 3) gives NATO a reason (however mistaken, misguided and even immoral) to exist

The US is protected from the fallout (immigrants, violence, extremism, etc.) of the Ukrainian disaster by distance, the Atlantic, a much stronger military (at least compared to anybody else in NATO). The US can print money in any way it wants and has no interests whatsoever in the (dying) Ukraine. If Ishchenko is right, and I agree with him, then there is somebody (possibly a group of somebodies) who is a lot smarter than anybody in the Trump Admin and who figured out that the Nazi-occuppied Ukraine should be an German/EU problem, not one for the US.

There is, of course, also the pessimistic analysis: the US is on the retreat everywhere, but only for the following reasons:

Regroup, reorganize, buy time to develop some kind of coherent strategy

Focus on each adversary separately and prioritize (divide et impera at least!)

Re-analyze, re-plan, re-design, re-develop, re-train, re-equip and re-test pretty much everything in the US armed forces (which have not been shaped by any rational force planning in decades)

Those who believe the strategic retreat theory (I am not personally discounting this version, but I do not see enough evidence – yet – to endorse it either) typically add that “the US only left Afghanistan to hand it over to the Taliban/al-Qaeda and unleash them against “soft underbelly of Russia”. Now, that is utter nonsense, if only because Russia does not have a common border with Afghanistan.

…

Coming back to “Biden’s” great retreat: if “Biden” is smart enough to hang the Ukraine on Germany, “he” is probably too smart to predicate the US foreign policy towards Russia predicated around the “soft underbelly” thingie. As for all the “fire and brimstone” threats of war against Russia, they are not impressing anybody as the Russians, the Chinese and the Iranians know that a confident and powerful country does not need to threaten anybody, if only because the actual capabilities of these country are a very telling “threat” by themselves. But when a former superpower is weak, confused and frightened, it will make many roaring statements about how it can defeat the entire planet if needed (after all, the US military is “the best military in the history of the galaxy”! If you doubt that, just listen to Toby Keith!). In other words, while in the West threats are an instrument of foreign policy, in Russia, and in the rest of Asia, they are inevitably seen as a sign of weakness, doubts and even fear.

Then there seems to be a long list of weapons systems, procurement plans and “defense” monies which have been pulled back, including the (truly awful) LCS and F-35. While it is true that the US is gradually phasing out fantastically expensive weapons systems and platforms which were also more or less useless, this show the ability to at least admit that all that talk about super-dooper US superweapons was just that, talk, and that in reality the US MIC is incapable of producing the kind of superb high quality systems which it used to produce in large quantities in the past (Arleigh Burke, F-15, Jumbo 747, the Willys Jeep, F-16, A-10, Los Angeles SSN, KH satellites, etc.). This is why the F-15X is designed to “augment” the F-35 feet (by itself a very smart move!).

Such an admission, even if indirect and only logically implied, might show a level of maturity, or courage, by “Biden” which his predecessors did not have.

Could it be that the folks at the Pentagon, who do know the reality of the situation (see here for a very good Moon of Alabama article about this), figured out that Clinton, Bush, Obama and Trump vastly over extended the Empire and now they need to regroup and “re-everything” to achieve a more sustainable “defense” posture?

Could it be that “Biden” will deliver what Trump promised, i.e. to end the useless (and unwinnable!) wars, stop caring too much about the agonizing EU, silently accept that Russia has no intentions (and no need!) whatsoever to attack anyone and focus on the biggest non-military threat out there: China. Maybe.

As far as I know, many (all?) simulations – by RAND and the US military – and command staff exercises have shown that the US would lose badly to both Russia or China. Could it be that “Biden” wants to put Russia and China on the backburner and “deal” with Iran first? The latest news on the US/Israel vs Iran front is not good, to say the least.

…

So what are we left with?

Frankly, I am not sure.

I think that there is very strong, even if only indirect, evidence which there is some very serious in-fighting taking place in the “Biden” administration and there is also strong, but also indirect, evidence that the military posture of the United States is undergoing what might end up being a major overhaul of the US armed forces.

If true, and that is a big “if”, this is neither good news nor bad news.

But this might be big news.

Why?

Because, objectively, the current US retreat on most fronts might be the “soft landing” (transition from Empire to “normal” country) many Trump voters were hoping for. Or it might not. If it is not, this might be a chaos-induced retreat, indicating that the US state is crumbling and has to urgently “simplify” things to try to survive, thereby generating a lot of factional infighting (at least one Russian observer specialized in “US studies”, Dmitrii Drobnitskii, believes to be the case: see the original article here, and its machine translation here). Finally, the state of decay of the US state might already be so advanced that we can consider it as profoundly dysfunctional and basically collapsing/collapsed. The first option (soft landing) is unlikely, yet highly desirable. The second option (chaos-induced retreat) is more likely, but much less desirable as it is only a single step back to then make several steps forward again. The last option (profoundly dysfunctional and basically collapsing/collapsed) is, alas, the most likely, and it is also, by far, the most perilous one.

For one thing, options #2 and #3 will make US actions very unpredictable and, therefore, potentially extremely dangerous. Unpredictable chaos can also quickly morph into a major war, or even several major ones, so the potential danger here is very real (even if totally unreported in Zone A). This, in turn, means that Russia, China, Iran, the DPRK, Venezuela or Cuba all have to keep their guard up and be ready for anything, even the unthinkable (which is often what total chaos generates).

Right now, the fact that the US has initiated a “great retreat” is undeniable. But the true reasons behind it, and its implications, remain quite obscure, at least to me.

I will conclude by asking you, the readers, for your opinion: do you think that the US is currently in a “contraction phase”? If yes, do you believe that this is a short-term only phenomenon, or will this retreat continue and, if yes, how far?

[c-is-for-circinate]

---okay wait, no, nevermind, this is what I want to say about Vex and Percy, I found it after all.  I love them because they’re a love story about choosing what you want to build after the world falls down around you, and finding somebody else who will look to the future and build next to you, even though you’re both working with shattered landscapes and cracked tools.  I love them because the way both of their worlds broke is so fucking different, but they understand each other enough to recognize it, and neither one of them can keep from moving instinctively, unstoppably forward anyway.

Once upon a time, they both had lives with plans, and then those lives fell apart.  And both of those lives, those sets of plans included love in their own way, but neither of them looked anything like the love Percy and Vex found with each other.  They didn’t expect that at all.

I have a lot of feelings about teenaged Percival de Rolo, who is probably going to be a clockmaker.  He has so many siblings in his vast noble family that he can do that, he can be semi-useless and artful.  He expects to get married someday, a respectable arranged match to someone he’ll presumably like well enough, and live a quiet, clever life.  I picture him as fond enough of his family, assuming that he’ll be fond enough of his hypothetical maybe-someday wife and his hypothetical maybe-someday children, happy enough in that partnership, with the time and space to be passionate about his cleverness and his books and his inventions.  There’s such a specific kind of fulfilment in that life I think Percy once envisioned for himself, with people who are reliably there, loved but taken a little bit for granted, all of the focus and elation and ‘this is the point of me’ devotion towards intellectual pursuits.  I think he would have been happy with that life, and that he would have been kind of a vaguely-inoffensive asshole because he never really paid enough attention to other people to bother really hurting them, or to learn that he could really hurt them and stop.

Of course we know how all of that fell apart.  What I’m fascinated by is Percy himself, though, Percy who survived to join Vox Machina, because the Percy we know from canon never actually stopped falling apart.  We know he hasn’t rebuilt himself a new life, he doesn’t have a future, he’s got a revenge quest and then he has a dragon distraction, sure, yes, we see that, but it’s not just the facts of what Percy does, it’s the feelings and the headspace he’s in the whole time.  Taliesin’s said a few times, and I am so interested in the implications, that Percy spends 95% of the campaign mostly staying coherent through the middle of a constant, years-long nervous breakdown.  He is constantly slipping back and forth along the edges of dissociating, present enough to react to things but not exactly here, not really processing the full weight of everything that happens, not quite.  He can’t tell his Orthax-visions apart from nightmares cooked up by his own brain, and he talks more than once about how much the past few years with VM feel more like a dream than reality.  His judgment is a mess, diving headfirst into deals with anyone who’ll have him, making whatever bad decision seems like a good idea at the time.

So Percy’s life was smashed to smithereens and the Percy we know has absolutely not recovered, has not even really begun to recover--but one of the really epic things about Percy is the way he just keeps moving forward anyway.  Dazed, dissociated, acting on instinct, whatever Percy may be, it is baked into his very nature to keep on going.  When Percy is surprised or threatened, he always seems to be shocked into action, not stillness.  We see it when he goes full Determinator in Whitestone during the Briarwoods arc, and again chasing Ripley to Glintshore.  We see it directly after the Chroma Conclave attack, looking for a plan, for a next step, when he tugs Vex to evacuate the keep; we see it in the ruins of Draconia when he’s the only one to notice Tiberius, and he is so careful about asking questions that won’t derail the thing they have in motion, so careful not to alert any of the others who might grind everything to a halt, because grief or no grief this has to keep going anyway.  Even when he’s awash with useless emotions and there’s nowhere to go to, Percy broods at work, down by a forge or setting pen to paper, making and planning and doing.  It’s so telling that even at his absolute worst, in that pit of nothing when Orthax first whispered in his ear, Percy’s reaction was to make something.

.

Which brings us to Vex, who isn’t quite a maker like Percy, but is still a builder in her own way.  Vex who had her own life that fell apart, and I don’t really mean Byroden, and I certainly don’t mean Syngorn.

Vex’s life, Vex’s plans, weren’t handed to her.  The life Vex expected to live was the one she was still living when we first met her: the traveling adventurer’s life she’d built with Vax.  (And maybe that’s our first demonstration of exactly how much Vex is maker and a builder, that after her life fell to pieces the first time--after Byroden, after Syngorn--she’d already managed to put together a new one once.)  She has her brother and she has her bear, and by the time we meet her she has Vox Machina, and it’s not much for convention but it’s a life.  All of her expectations are locked into that life and that future.  VM at level 9, with a keep under construction and the respect of Tal’dorei, was obviously already pretty different than the twins at level 1 living in the woods, but it’s also so easy to see how it’s just a continuation of the same thing.  Vex and her twin live in each others’ pockets, and she shoots things and makes sure that there is always enough to eat and always money for a rainy day, and there’s stability in unconditional love and self-sufficiency right there.  Laura’s mentioned on Talks that, if the Conclave hadn’t attacked and Vax had left the group, Vex would have tried as hard as possible to convince him to stay, and then would’ve gone with him for sure.  Of course she would have. Vox Machina was the life Vex was trying to build, but Vax and Trinket were the life she already had, cornerstone and truth.

You can see how hard Vex works to create and maintain and secure that life with every coin she squirrels away so zealously against a rainy day.  There is no doubt in my mind that, pre-Vox Machina, Vex and her bow and her hoarded pennies was the one who made sure there was always something to eat over the campfire every night.  There is no doubt in my mind that when they found Byroden in ashes, Vex was the one who got her brother moving, who kept them moving, who kept them pointed forwards no matter what.  And you can see how much Vex put into the bigger, richer, theoretically more-stable life Vox Machina was starting to build together when it all came crashing down.

Percy’s life fell apart pre-stream, and we all know exactly how.  The super fascinating thing about Vex’s arc is that we get to see her life fall apart, right there in the middle of the story, maybe more than anybody else.  The Chroma Conclave was hard on everyone for all sorts of reasons, but in terms of what Vex tried to build for herself and tried to keep, it’s easy to see how fast and how utterly she loses very nearly everything.  Greyskull Keep is first, of course, with the heartbreak of watching Vex hesitating there at the edge of the tree with tears in her eyes, because this was their home.  It’s such a big thing for her, more than for anyone else--and of course it is, because Vex more than anyone in the group saw Greyskull as her future.  Keyleth always had the Ashari to go back to, and Pike had Sarenrae, Grog lives in the motion and Scanlan avoids plans, Percy could barely conceive of a future existing and Vax was lost and floundering for any next step he could find, but Vex had this castle and Vex called this castle home.  

Of course it doesn’t end with the castle, though, because this love story is the story of how everything breaks, and the next thing of Vex’s to break was Vax.  Before the dragons came, Vax was already falling apart and falling away from her in two different directions, half of him tugged away by depression and uncertainty, the other half pulled after Keyleth.  The seeds of distance were sprouting there even before Vex died in the Queen’s champion’s tomb.  And maybe that feels even more symbolic now than I ever realized it did before--Vex died and came back, but the deal her brother made, that vow he swore, wiped away any chance Vex still had for ever getting back that wandering rogue-and-ranger life that once was hers.

The Chroma Conclave arc takes nearly half of Campaign 1, and Vex spends it watching bits of her old life crumble while she’s much, much too busy to process or mourn.  There are dragons in the world, and there’s no time to worry about what the world will look like once they’re dead.  She doesn’t have plans.  Vax has raven wings and a goddess and a girlfriend, and Emon is on fire, is turning to lava beneath Thordak’s feet, and Keyleth is a wreck and Grog dies for five minutes and god only knows what’s going on in Scanlan’s head ever--and Vex, like Percy, just keeps going.  She reads the Raven Queen book cover to cover seventeen times.  She takes things, and she hoards things, and she scrounges for loot, and she gets called greedy for it but the thing is that for Vex, acquiring things is very much a fundamental kind of building for the future, maybe even more than making and tinkering is for Percy.  Stocking up now will save them later, it’s baked into the firmament of Vex’s soul, take whatever you can because you will NEED IT someday.  She steals a broom because she wants it, yes, and then it saves all of their lives.  She sets the group after Fenthras because she wants it.  She bargains and she haggles, even when there’s no reason at all to believe that tomorrow will come, even when Vex has no idea what tomorrow could be, because whatever doubts she may have on the surface, her instincts can’t give up that last breath of faith: I will need this money later, because there will be a later.  Just like Percy, scribbling plans in his journals late in the night for inventions he has no time or supplies to make.  Neither of them have any fucking clue what the future could possibly be, but they can’t stop working towards it anyway.

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This is the environment where they fall into each other, Vex and Percy, in the middle of the mess of the Chroma Conclave, in this violent limbo world where any day could be the last and next month might as well not exist.  This is where they plant the seeds and start to grow the future they don’t even believe in yet.

The attraction and the flirting start before the dragons even come, of course.  Percy builds things for Vex to have and keep and use or squirrel away, and it’s such a perfect expression of both of their attitudes towards the world.  Vex keeps his coin with hers, and makes sure to shepherd it just as carefully, makes sure that Percy will have enough in whatever future comes.  And there are hints of what they’ll be.  There’s a reason that ‘Darling, take the mask off’ is SO MUCH, and it’s because ever-moving determinator Percy is stuck.  He’s driving himself right into a corner, working himself off a cliff.  He’s just killed someone horribly and he’s on the edge of blue-screening right now, of stopping, or maybe of smashing everything until there’s nowhere left to go.   And Vex, who’s got a good life for herself right now but has already lost one and knows what it’s like, says, come on.  Let’s back you away from this wall you’ve thrown yourself up against.  Take the mask off.  Let’s keep moving forward. 

And they’re something, there, in the way Vex not only keeps going but tries to keep Percy going right through it all.  So much of Vex’s constant planning and motion is wrapped around and embedded with keeping other people going too.  We know she took care of Vax when it was just the two of them, because they took care of each other, and you cannot tell me Vex wasn’t the long-term planner of the pair.  She gathers Trinket up out of horror and sadness and makes sure he has a future.  She collects strays, angel slave-boys, the fruitless quest for the Gray Render baby.  She pulls Percy out of a jail cell and keeps him in the first place.  And there’s a selfless generosity to it, of course, or it’s easy to see one anyway, Vex who mothers, Vex who checks in on everybody else after her own death, but that’s not the whole story.  The other half of it is Vex-who’s-never-been-alone.  Vex who hoards people as tightly and as carefully as she hoards coin.  She can keep going through nearly anything, so long as her people are there with her, so she is going to make sure that everyone she loves stays okay because she needs them to be.

The thing about Percy is that--because he’s a builder, a maker, a fixer, a determinator in his own right--he can return that favor.  He can make sure that Vex keeps going, not by stopping and sitting in her feelings with her until she’s ready to move (which is very much the Vax and Keyleth energy), but by tugging her along in the direction she was already going.  In Syngorn he gives her Whitestone, and oh, it’s a way to shut her father up, but more than anything it’s a someday.  There in the city that helped destroy Vex’s first good life, while the dragon that burned the rest of it to ashes sits over the ruins of her last, Percy makes a promise that someday Vex can have a home and a future again.  It’s far away and shrouded in mist.   Percy can’t even really picture his own someday right now.  They might both die before they get there.  But there’s a someday ahead, and it’s enough to get Vex moving again, proud and hopeful and ready to go and collect that bow that’ll help get her there.

And Vex turns right back around again on Glintshore and in its aftermath, demanding that Percy have that future too, because she doesn’t want this one without him.  If he’s going to promise her a someday to move towards again, then he damn well has to get there too.  It’s because she wants him to be alive and happy, and it’s because Vex just wants him, needs him in her life, this human she collected and is so determined to keep.

So the promise of someday, in Whitestone is glittering on the horizon for them when they kiss in the woods after the Vorugal fight, and it’s just barely around the corner past the next couple of hells when Percy comes to her room before Thordak, but I think it also still feels like a far-away mirage, and I think that matters.  They are both still lost in a world full of carnage and dragons and constant threat.  Percy is stabbing Raishan in a council meeting because why the fuck not, this seems like a good idea at this time.  Vex is still so unsure, trying to teach herself to forgive, trying to see a path forward to that someday-horizon, trying to deal with the fact that even if they kill all the dragons and even if they all survive she’s lost her brother to Keyleth and fate.  The world is a wreck and they are a wreck in it, and the only thing they can do is not stop.  The only thing they can be sure of is right here, right now.

So that’s where they fall into bed.  On the eve of the Thordak fight, knowing they both could die tomorrow, knowing they most likely will.  They’re about to go take on the monster that destroyed the only two homes Vex ever loved, a decade and a half apart, and there is no kind of promise that either of them will see the other side of the war, and that’s where they grab each other and hold on.  They’re here in this impossible place together.  They’ll take it as it comes, they’ll take whatever comes, and for this one night they have each other in it.

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And then they survive.

So much of the episodes directly after the end of the Conclave--the next week or two in Vox Machina’s life, where they save Scanlan and try to bury some ashes and rip themselves apart, and then fight a kraken and die trying, and then go to Hell, and then come back--is just this string of, okay, nobody here knows how to stop.  The dragons are dead, but the fugue state of violence and getting-the-next-thing-done, nose to the grindstone and figure this next step out and don’t worry about long-term plans because we might not survive to see them anyway, that’s still here.  Percy’s been living there for years (and certainly didn’t have time, post-Briarwoods arc, to start thinking about pulling himself out of it).  Vex’s specific life plans got trashed by the dragons more than anyone else’s.  But really, the whole group is living there in one way or another.  It’s just that Scanlan shattered under it and ran, and Grog’s never really suffered from it or lived differently anyway, and Pike keeps taking breaks to fix temples and tend to refugees and work towards rebuilding right through it all.  Keyleth and Vax both found a sort of peace in fatalism and destiny, in knowing that they have set paths there in front of them and all they have to do is choose to follow them.

Percy and Vex, very fundamentally, don’t have those set paths.  Nothing for them is a given.  There’s Whitestone, yes, but there is a reason Percy isn’t Lord of Whitestone, king in his castle, leading his city through the dragons and beyond.  When Percy’s life broke it shattered, and even when Whitestone was freed, he didn’t claim it as his.  He only came back after the dragon attack because Emon was gone and it was the only safe place they knew.  Whitestone is in Percy’s bones, part of how he defines himself and his life, but living there, running it, tying himself to the city--it isn’t a given.  Percy could die fighting dragons or die to a kraken or spend eternity trapped in the Nine Hells, and Whitestone would be fine.  He could leave and never come back, and Whitestone would be fine.

So coming back to Whitestone--sending Vex on the Gray Hunt--fucking in the castle treasury and setting up plans for whatever’s next--it’s a choice.  Nothing about the people Percy and Vex become during peacetime is about destiny.  They had lives and plans and destinies, the rich asshole clockmaker, the ranger on the road.  Those are gone.  Everything they keep from those old lives is a little broken, a little twisted from what they once expected it to be.  Everything they do now is what they decide to build.

And this is the glory of Percy and Vex, the love that’s so big it makes my heart ache: the thing they decide to keep in this new world is each other.  In the fugue of war with no future, they found each other and built things together, spent an entire evening tinkering on Vex’s stolen broom in Percy’s workshop, flirted and fucked and kept each other going even when nobody knew where.  Neither of them had real, passionate romantic love written into their plans, back when they had plans.  Neither of them needed it, not for the lives they wanted.  But those lives are dead and gone, and they found this thing together in the weird wilderness between there and here, and they’re keeping it.  They get to do that.  They get to build their new lives in whatever shape they want, and that means they get to set each other as cornerstones and build everything else around them.

It’s so fundamental to this relationship and this new future that all the building blocks they’re working with, on both sides, are a little bit broken.  Whitestone itself is still a struggling, recovering city sitting on a decimated continent.  Percy is still so caught up in his own anger, still waiting for another shoe to drop, still not quite ready to believe any of this is real.  Vex is pouring through libraries researching Orcus, researching Vecna, waiting for old debts to be called in.  They are neither of them fixed.  They are neither of them safe.

But we get to see, in one-year timeskip, how tentatively and tenaciously they keep working together towards something anyway.  Vex builds a house and a Gray Hunt corps and a tentative detente with her father, starting to pick up those old pieces, starting to try.  Percy builds civic works projects and an international early warning system, still ready for the next disaster, starting to entertain the idea that it doesn’t have to destroy everything.  They get new glasses and open a bakery and invest in armor and ammo and art.  They host a ball.

They get married, in secret, and tell almost nobody they know.  It’s such an asshole thing to do!  They are both still assholes, both still broken enough to be wary of the consequences of inviting their own loved ones to a simple wedding.  They do it because the point isn’t the moment, it’s the marriage, all the future days to come in this new life they’ve agreed they are going to create together.  They want it to be theirs, just theirs, this relationship they never expected to have and now intend to base the rest of their lives on.  It’s kind of a messy, slightly dickish way to go about things, and that’s perfect, because Vex and Percy are kind of messy, slightly dickish people, and they own that together.  They own a lot of things together now.

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The epilogue of Campaign 1 walks the line between open-ended and closed story in a way I find so deeply satisfying, and so much of that is because of Percy and Vex.

So many stories end at a point where--the day is saved, or it appears to be, and the horizon is wide open for the heroes and the sunset, and everything is triumphant and victorious and anything could happen next.  It’s perfectly satisfying and ripe for sequels, and nothing is quite guaranteed but everybody is happy for now and that’s a good place to tie things up anyway.  It’s the ending of Return of the Jedi, or the first Pacific Rim--something has to happen next, somebody has to figure out what that is, but that’s not the heroes’ problem and that’s not the worry for today.

Sometimes, stories end with everything so tightly wrapped up that there’s no room to breathe.  It’s the ending that says, what you’ve just read or watched or gone through is the entire story.  It is everything that matters.  It is full, and it is complete, and nothing that ever happens in the rest of these characters’ lives will ever be as important as what they’ve just done.  Lord of the Rings does this a bit, and it actually works; Harry Potter does it badly, and I’d submit that The Adventure Zone: Balance does too.  It’s the implication behind every Disney or fairytale happily ever after, although those at least tend to skip the epilogue describing exactly what that happily-ever-after means.

Vex and Percy do neither of these things at the end of their story, or they do both of them, and that’s so great.  They do get the epilogue, with the closed ending and the happily-ever-after.  The Lord and Lady de Rolo settle down, have at least five children, and live in peace for decades until Percy eventually dies of old age and Vex far-more-eventually follows.  Their friends outlive them by decades or centuries.  It’s tidy and nice and final...except.  Whitestone could outlive even Keyleth, and Percy--and by extension now Vex, too--lives as long as Whitestone lives.

Somehow Percy and Vex manage to have an epilogue with every one of the trappings of a perfect picture-book ending, without feeling static.  They’re going to have the house and the kids and the castle and the tiny little kingdom, and it’s going to be full every single day, because inherent in the very makeup of these two people is the inability to ever stop growing.  With the dragons dead, with Vecna gone, they can keep doing exactly what they’ve been doing this entire time.  They can move forward.  They can build.  And they can build something massive that outlasts both of them, lay foundations and groundwork for centuries and generations to come.

Fighting with Vox Machina will always have been the biggest, hardest, most glorious and dangerous, most epic thing that Vex and Percy have ever done, and it’s absolutely over.  The book is done, tied off with a bow.  But they’re not stuck and they’re not empty without it.  They’re going to make clock towers and festivals and change the whole culture of Whitestone.  They’re going to have half a dozen children and raise them towards their future.  The Whitestone of fifty, sixty, seventy years from the end of the campaign when Percy eventually dies will be fundamentally different from the Whitestone they came home to when their adventures ended, and it will be the pair of them who made it so, together.  Which means that even without him Vex will still have him, in civil infrastructure and all the things that let people keep living their lives, in this thing they created as a team, this thing she’ll continue to shepherd and grow without him for the rest of her own life.

And maybe that’s the key to Vex and Percy, to why their ending feels so satisfying, so inevitable and perfect and good.  So many stories end before their characters can change and split away from each other.  So many epilogues decree that their characters will never change, ever, so they can never grow apart.  But Percy and Vex are built of growth and motion, and when they found a match for themselves in each other they decided to point that forward momentum in the same direction and change together for the rest of their lives.  It’s what a real relationship looks like, a real happily-ever-after.  They will pick each other up and help each other on along the way, because we’ve seen it happen.  They’ll hold on to each other, and they’ll build.

[aviewfromthepanopticon]

The Sleeping Blood

Big Finish’s summary: When the Doctor falls ill, Susan is forced to leave the safety of the TARDIS behind. Exploring a disused research centre in search of medical supplies, she becomes embroiled in the deadly plans of a terrorist holding an entire world to ransom – and the soldier sent to stop him. Written by: Martin Day Directed by: Lisa Bowerman Release Date: June 3rd, 2015 Series: The Companion Chronicles: The First Doctor Volume 1, Story 1 Cast: Carole Ann Ford (Susan), Darren Strange (Gomery/Kendrick)

I really enjoyed this story, and felt it was a wonderful tale about pretty early on in the Doctor and Susan’s travels, where the evolution of both the Doctor and Susan’s views on what it means to interact with other cultures is explored beautifully. I also adore that the end Susan decides that the rich keeping medical care for only rich people is an evil that is deserving of response.

There is also a lot of interesting commentary in this story about how technology Susan has mastered and thinks of as nothing more than a simple concept she was playing with as an infant, is in fact regarded as super extra advanced tech to the rest of the universe. In this case, the tech Susan dismisses as a baby toy are medical nanomachines.

I am generally interested in any story that grapples with what it means that Susan is a Gallifrayen. Plus Companion Chronicle style stories, which are told from a the first person perspective and only feature the narrator and one other speaking voice, are a great medium to tell stories that explore Susan’s experience as a young Gallifreyan who ran away from home before she became a Time Lord.

I also felt it was so very on brand that it wasn’t until one of them got sick that either Susan or the Doctor thought to check the TARDIS’ sick bay for medical supplies. When they did check, they found that the TARDIS they stole didn’t have anything in stock since it was, you know, going to be decommissioned.

Simply the plot of this story is that the Doctor got a nasty cut on a planet he and Susan were exploring together. About a week later they discover the wound had gotten infected and the TARDIS didn’t have any medical supplies in stock. Susan decides to search the next place the TARDIS lands for medical supplies, and then steal them. Complications arise, Susan witnesses a political conflict on the planet, and she comes away questioning if perhaps she and her grandfather should start getting involved with the affairs of the planets they are visiting.

This story very much gave me the sense that the TARDIS was already, at such an early stage, helpfully taking the Doctor where he needed to go. After all, their first landing place after Susan resolves to steal medical supplies is an abandoned medical research facility that was built by people advanced enough to use nanomachines for medical purposes (The TARDIS, with her still fully functioning Chameleon Circuit, disguised herself as a metal medical cabinet upon landing there)!

As for getting involved, well... Susan learns from the planet’s records that the bacteria has all evolved into super bacteria, and there are no longer any antibiotics that have even the slightest effect on any sort of bacterial infection on the planet. As she searches for supplies to help her grandfather, Susan discovers she is not alone. There is a unit of soldiers in the medical facility with her. The soldiers explain that a terrorist - the Butcher - is hiding in the research center. This terrorist is a hacker who has discovered a way to control the medical nanomachines, and he is threatening to turn them against the people who have had them injected.

Susan really wants to get back to her grandfather with the medical supplies she collected, but the soldiers will not let her leave, and they make her go with them - at gunpoint - as they hunt ever closer to the hacker. One of the soldiers dies as their group makes their way through the medical facility, murdered by the Butcher’s manipulation of the technology they depend on.

When they encounter the hacker, he shuts down all the electronics the soldiers have. As most of them are inside metal skeleton suits, they are unable to move.

The hacker starts trying to explain himself, and says he is about to broadcast a video to all the media networks and they should see it too. He also insists that Susan should call him by his name - Gomery - rather than call him the Butcher

Before he can transmit the video, one of the soldiers - Kendrick - gets free of his skeleton suit, and shoots Gomery in the head with an old fashioned gun.

Susan is really really really REALLY not ok with watching a man be shot like that in front of her, while he was talking to her at that, and even as the soldiers keep their promise and return her to the TARDIS, all she can think about is the trauma of watching Kendrick kill Gomery. In addition to the trauma of seeing someone die like that, Susan is worried she got too involved in an other planet’s affairs, and that thought terrifies her, because she knows getting involved in any way is very much against all of Gallifrey’s laws.

This story’s many strengths all are most evident in its end, the final few moments are truly exceptional Doctor Who writing, and paint an incredible portrait of the Doctor and Susan in their awkward in between stage, before Shoreditch, before Ian and Barbara, before that first trip to Skaro, before all of it.

I’ve transcribed it below, because I just really and deeply love the end of this story:

SUSAN: I began using the equipment and drugs I had taken from the research center to start Grandfather’s treatment. Over the course of just a few hours, I saw him begin to recover. He began to talk more coherently and his coughing eased. Color returned to his cheeks. Though he did little but sleep, waking occasionally to cast a proprietorial eye over the TARDIS controls and issue a few clipped instructions. Finally he allowed me to change the dressing on his hand, and I saw that the wound was much improved. As I pulled a blanket up under Grandfather’s chin, I felt something nudge against my foot. It was one of the security robots! Somehow it had followed me onto the ship! I reached down, tentatively, not sure if I should try to pick it up or if I should bat it away with my foot. “Now, you’re not going to hurt me again, are you?” Much to my surprise, it started to play a message! I wondered if this was some of what Gomery, the Butcher, had prepared for the people of Roah! I wondered if perhaps I was the only person ever to hear it. GOMERY: I am truly sorry for each and every death I have caused. It gives me little satisfaction, but I am sure each one was a necessary evil. Who am I to decide who lives and dies? The point is, I’m doing all this precisely because other people are playing god. The truth that has been hidden in plain sight is that our medical advances aren’t for everyone. Our research programs, the drugs we are developing that would have been unimaginable only a generation ago, these only exist to benefit the rich and influential. The top strata of society. Who’s at the top? You may ask. If you’re rich enough to hear my message, you’ve probably answered your own question. We tell ourselves the medicine benefits everyone. Assume every citizen has access to these treatments, but there are millions who cannot afford our nanomachinery.  Millions who have never seen a doctor, not because they don’t need to, but because they can’t pay. They’re in our shantytowns and our slums, but they also serve us in our restaurants and maintain our vehicles. They may even be our neighbors. You see, medical nanomachinery is expensive. Governments and charities can barely afford to invest in it. The major backers are pharmaceutical companies, and they’re only interest is profit. But it is my firm belief, a belief I am prepared to die for or to kill for, that these advances should be for the good of all on Roah. Not the few who can afford it! Though my name is Gomery, you’ve heard me called “Butcher,” a silly nickname I’ve adopted to express my disgust at the way things are, now turned against me. But I didn’t always see the world this way. You won’t have been told, but for many years I worked as a government research scientist. I was in charge of a project that would have allowed the authorities to remotely control the world’s biological technology. Though intended for use only in emergencies, such as civil unrest. It should be obvious to all that this is just another means of control. And so I resigned, sabotaging my research so it would appear the scheme could never work. To my delight, the research center was closed. And then, over the next few years, I began to wonder if I could use my old research to make our world’s leaders listen! To force them to share the benefits of official medical technology rather than keep it for themselves. SUSAN: I found myself replaying the message, again and again. I couldn’t forget the look on the woman’s face, when Gomery had, what was the phrase he’d used? “Switched her off,” to make a point. A terrible end to a life. But neither could I forget Kendrick’s cold blooded execution. Which man most deserved to be called butcher? I wondered if there was a version of Ling embedded within the tiny polyhedral robot, and to my delight… LING: Hello, unknown user! I am Linguistic Interface II! You may call me Ling! How may I be of assistance today? SUSAN: While grandfather slept, I asked Ling about the man called “Gomery” and the planet Roah. I’m not sure why I did. Perhaps it stopped me thinking about grandfather’s illness and how close we’d come to disaster. Perhaps I just had too many questions in my head. And not nearly enough answers. I discovered an excerpt from an even longer recording! It was hard to tell if it had been kept by Gomery himself, or if it had been acquired by the internal security services. It was labeled as a conversation between Gomery and his grandmother, and looking at the chronology it seemed to be this encounter that had changed Gomery. That had forced him to reexamine his life and to start again. To begin on the path, if Kendrick was to be believed, that led inexorably to the killing of many innocent people. That led to an unremarkable man becoming the Butcher.   GOMERY: I can steal some tech from work! I can find a way! GRANDMOTHER: And what if you’re found out? No. I won’t have that on my conscious. GOMERY: Then let me pay for treatment. GRANDMOTHER: I’m not like this because I’m poor! I’m like this because it’s time to go! GOMERY: But there must be something else we can try! GRANDMOTHER: All things that have a beginning have an end. That’s what my mother used to say. Perhaps one day, you’ll understand. SUSAN: Suddenly there was another voice in the TARDIS. “What’s the matter my child?” Grandfather, though still slightly feverish, was awake again and regarding me with some concern. I realized that I was crying, and turned my face away from him. I tried to hide the truth from him, but he could tell that something was troubling me. So I told him everything that had happened. And of course Grandfather, being Grandfather, didn’t quite see the problem. “As far as I can tell, you used your intelligence to find the drugs I needed. You have saved my life. What’s so wrong with that? Hmmmm? Hmm?” But I knew that I had intervened quite decisively in the affairs of others. Perhaps, if Gomery’s plan had succeeded, millions of people on the colony world of Roah would now have access to life saving medicines. Grandfather was keen to remind me that I had been forced to help Kendrick at gunpoint, and that Gomery was a terrorist. That the ends so rarely justify the means. But I was still troubled.   “You have to make a stand! That’s what you always used to say at home! What’s changed?” Grandfather tried to explain that it was really very simple. What had changed was that we had started to see other worlds. Other cultures at first hand. And that he had come to understand that we must not interfere. That to interfere would make us little better than this terrorist trying to manipulate events with no real knowledge of how things might turn out. And then Grandfather sighed. “Of course, if we are forced to act...” his words trailed away. “There are never any black and white answers.” I pondered Grandfather’s words for a few moments. “But that doesn’t mean we stop asking the questions, surely!” But Grandfather then claimed he was tired, and that he didn’t really understand what I was driving at, and anyway, it was time he was back in charge of his ship. New worlds, new times, new adventures. All this awaited us. But, I couldn’t help but notice, Grandfather looking increasingly thoughtful as he watched the rise and fall of the rotar, as we continued our journey through space and time.

[armory-rasa]

Long tutorial time: How to Take Product Photos That Don’t Suck

If you’re trying to sell your handcrafted work online, then your photos matter so much -- I daresay almost more than the work itself.

“Upcycled” items that are literal trash (but attractively photographed!) can sucker people into paying actual money for them. And on the flip side, the best-quality leatherwork in the world is going to look dubious af when the product shots were obviously taken in someone’s kitchen, lit by fluorescent lights and a camera flash.

You will get more sales and you will be able to charge more for your work if you have professional-looking product photos -- not fair, maybe, but true. So today I am going to show you how to create decent-looking stock photos, ie, a picture of just the thing itself on a backdrop.

(The cat is unrelated -- clickbait, really.)

I’ll admit upfront that I am very, very far from being a photography expert, and I'm sure an expert could do better than me, but I can't afford an expert and probably neither can you. And this isn’t about the mechanics anyway, it’s about the setup, and just making these small changes can seriously up your game.

Step one: camera

Unless you've already got a good camera, your best bet is going to be a smartphone -- and make no mistake, smartphones are a close second, not a distant one. Modern smartphones are phenomenal, they’re far better than even slightly-dated digital cameras. They can't get you the soft-focus background that an actual, professional camera can (the lens simply isn't long enough), but you can approximate that effect with photoshop if you want to, and the set-up I'm demonstrating here doesn't need a fuzzed background anyway.

The only critical feature is that your camera can take sharp, in-focus pictures.

If you don't have a good smartphone, find a friend who does and beg/wheedle/blackmail/bully them into letting you use it for a bit.

Honestly, I've got a good camera, and half the time I still wind up using my phone because I’m too lazy to bust it out.

Step two: backdrop

There are a lot of artistic things you can do if you're taking pictures of a product in situ -- action shots, still lifes, pictures of it worn by models -- and all that will help your customers visualize themselves using the item, but it's also vital to have pictures of JUST the thing, pictures that cleanly and clearly show exactly what the customer is going to be receiving in exchange for the money they throw at you -- aka stock photos.

And for stock photos, you don't want to get creative with your background. In fact, if you can use the same background for many/most of your images, it will contribute to an attractive, coherent look for your shop. That means finding a neutral-toned backdrop that will work with any color item you put on top of it -- white, black, grey, beige, basically.

White can mean a lightbox...

(And there are a million tutorials online for how to rig up your own DIY lightbox)

...or another popular alternative is a white table pushed up against a white wall; the seam between the two is visible, but discreet enough that the eye glides right over it.

Black, you can do with cleverdick manipulation of the settings on an expensive camera, or you can find a non-reflective black backdrop -- which is easier said than done. Fine, dense, matte black velvet (think theatre curtains) is the go-to black backdrop, just make sure you run a lint roller over it before taking pics.

Any other color is going to depend on the backdrop you choose -- I personally have had excellent luck with some warm-grey velvet (?) yardage that I picked up for pennies at a goodwill a million years ago. (I’m not sure what it is -- it has the pile of velvet, but shorter?) I didn’t buy it for that purpose, but it’s since proven to be an incredibly versatile backdrop, and I’ve taken to using it for everything:

etc.

And even if you’re not stumbling onto a super-good-deal at goodwill, a yard or two of your chosen fabric will generally do you fine.

What I don’t recommend is:

- shiny fabric (anything shiny is overall more difficult to photograph -- and shiny spots will draw attention to themselves, rather than your product)

- vivid colors (limits what color items you can display on it; will often clash if the item is close-but-not-quite-the-same color (and what looks fine to your eye may not look fine on film); can distract from the item you’re showcasing)

- patterns (again, distracts from the centerpiece; draws attention to the background; moreover, is hell to clone-brush)

Here is all three of them being the perfect storm of not-a-good-stock-photo:

Which is not to say you can’t do something artistic with it...

...but it’s not very versatile, and it’s not exactly “stock photo” anymore.

One of the reasons I really really like velvet for a backdrop is that there’s nothing in the world easier to clone brush. Which happens, for instance, if I get my roll of photos transferred to the computer and realize there’s some lint I neglected to brush off, or if I was too lazy to iron my backdrop so it’s got wrinkles/creases in it, or if the angle I had to take the photograph from clipped the edge of the backdrop--

--it is super fuckin’ easy to clone all that out. (It also takes the burn tool really well, to darken the edges and point the viewer’s attention toward the middle of the picture, see above.)

Other backdrops that can work are fur (or faux fur):

The great outdoors: mulch, leaves, dirt, sand, etc--

(That was taken at my shitty old apartment complex, so I had to carefully remove the cigarette butts from the shot first. -_-)

(I admit I’ve mostly stopped using these kind of outdoor backdrops -- they’re harder to pull off than wood/concrete/fabric -- but in the hands of someone with an eye for composition, they can definitely be used to good effect, so I’m including them here anyway. You just want to make sure that the background isn’t distracting from the item, which you can sometimes do in post by darkening/fuzzing the background relative to the focal object.)

Concrete:

And wood:

In short, there are many things that are (1) unobtrusive and (2) neutral-colored that will make excellent backdrops.

Professional photography backdrops (essentially, the velvet I have) are close to true neutral, not affecting the “feel” of the picture at all, and there are tons of tutorials online to make your own DIY photography backdrops.

Conversely, you can also use a specific backdrop to help create the mood you want to convey for the piece -- concrete for gritty and urban; fur to evoke a rich and sumptuous feeling (or a primitive one, depending on what you’re selling); wood or rough-spun cloth for something rustic; dirt and leaves to take it back to nature.

I’m not going to say the sky’s the limit, because we’re talking stock photos not ARRRRT!!, you gotta rein it in a bit, but you do have a lot of options -- anything that’s not going to clash with the mood or distract from your product.

Step three: lighting

USE THE FUCKING SUN.

Don’t ever, ever use a flash for product photography, seriously, are you some kind of SAVAGE?

Cardinal sin right there; go straight to hell, do not pass go, etc. Lighting like that, your product looks like it’s drunk at a frat party.

Moreover, unless you are a wildly over-funded professional, and possibly not even then, there is no light source superior to the sun. Sure, if you finish your project at midnight and can’t wait to share it, take some snapshots in your shitty studio light and send them to your friends--

--but do not make that your product listing photo. You can do so much better.

(And notice the color difference too -- natural light tends to be much better at capturing color that is true-to-life. The second picture is far more accurate to the actual item.)

*

That said, direct sunlight is a HELL NO go. The shadows it casts are way too stark, and details can get lost because the camera has trouble navigating the gap between the super-dark parts of the picture and the super-bright parts.

And it turned out that I’d never bothered to keep any of the photos I took in direct sunlight (because they sucked), so for the purposes of this tutorial, I had to take a couple of my WIPs outside and go make some.

Direct sunlight:

The glare and the obvious shadows make these photos look strikingly amateurish. It draws attention to the background, highlights the fact that the bracers are just sitting in some lame dead grass. These photos look like someone finished making the bracer, carried it ten feet out into their backyard, and snapped a picture.

Which, yeah, is what we’re doing, but it doesn’t have to look it.

By contrast, indirect sunlight, when I move it four feet over into the shade of the house:

Right away, the diffused light (sort of soft-focus?) is more in line with what you see in professional photos. They still need editing before they’d be ready to roll out -- fiddling with contrast/saturation/white balance; clone-brushing out some of the distracting elements in the background; darker shading around the frame to center attention on the product -- but they have the potential to be decent photos now, instead of being critically flawed from the get-go.

When you’re using sunlight as your source, you’re usually going to be setting up either outside in the shade, or inside next to a window.

The context for some of these shots can also be hilariously un-sexy when you zoom out:

*

Sunlight tends to be much better at retaining the textural details of your work too, because more light means your camera can take a much quicker shot (low light = camera compensates by leaving the lens open longer to collect more light = blur).

If you want to really capture the fine texture of an item, natural light coming from one side (like through a window) is perfect, because of the shadows it casts:

On that note: if you’re trying to use a window as your light source, you may have trouble with the far side of the object being completely lost in darkness:

Which can be artistic, but doesn’t make for a great stock photo.

The solution is not to use another light source, but to use a reflector -- my go-to is white foam-core posterboard:

Which can fill in the shadows that are obscuring parts of your work:

Mirrors or foil can work for this too, but they tend to cast stark/uneven light, whereas the white board diffuses it, and diffusion is pretty much always what you want.

*

On the subject of diffusion: overcast days are your BEST FRIEND. They basically turn the whole sky into a lightbox for you. You get soft, beautiful light from all directions, muted enough to reduce glare, but there’s still more than enough light to keep your camera happy and your details sharp. 

(Man I wish there were more clouds where I lived.)

Here’s an interesting little contrast -- this one was taken on a sunny day, but in the shadow of my house, using a white reflector to move light around:

And then the very next day we had rain, and I was like, hell yeah, and took it outside for more pics:

Obviously both have had the contrast increased to bring out the details, but the mood difference between the two is 100% the weather.

*

And that is FAR from everything there is to say on the subject of photography lighting, but for the purposes of amateur product photography, those are the important bits.

TL;DR:

- Natural light

- Diffused light

*

Step 4: post-production

This is also not something I’m an expert in, I’ve learned just enough to get by and called it good enough. (It’s why I lean on overcast days whenever I can, because it eliminates a lot of the lighting problems that I don’t know how to fix in post.)

But here are some of the things that you will find yourself needing to know, and should be looking up how-to’s on for your graphics editor of choice:

White balance/saturation

Light comes in different colors, but the human eye automatically compensates for it, so often times something looks good to your eyes, but then comes out way funky on film.

Indoor lighting tends to be yellow-hued, because that’s what feels warm and comfortable to humans, but it looks nasty in photographs:

Natural light tends to be white (which is why it gives you more accurate colors), getting more blueish as it heads toward evening:

You can compensate for both by adjusting the white balance, in which the program figures out what white is supposed to look like, and then calibrates all the other colors in the picture accordingly.

Brightness/contrast

Is it bright enough to see the details? Is the contrast high enough to make the details POP, instead of blending together into a muddle?

You can apply brightness/contrast adjustments to the full image, and then (if necessary) go in by hand with the burn/dodge tool (brightness up/brightness down) and add extra highlights.

(Don’t go overboard on this though -- this isn't art, this is a product photo, and if you take it too far from the real object, you are lying in your advertising.)

Blur/sharpen

Are the focal points sharp? Sharp areas of an image are what draws the eye, so if your photos are blurry, they’re no good and there’s no fixing them -- grab your camera and go take some more.

Is your background less sharp than the foreground? A too-sharp background will distract from the central point, so sometimes you can put a very subtle blur on it to trick the eye into ignoring it. (Dropping the brightness and the contrast are also both ways to make the background less eye-catching.)

Clone brush

Basically a mini copy-paste tool, you grab parts of the image and copy it onto other parts. This is good for tidying up your background -- coloring in corners that your backdrop didn’t cover, or removing distracting irregularities.

Again, this is one to be used sparingly, because this is product photography, it needs to be accurate, not idealized. You don’t get to scrub off the imperfections and make it look like you’re better at [whatever] than you are.

The only time I consider it acceptable to use the clone brush tool on the actual product is for editing out flaws in the leather itself. It’s a stock photo; customers are not going to be getting the exact item shown in the photo. I’ll be making a new one for them, one that’s not going to have those exact flaws. (It’ll have excitingly new and different flaws! Such is the nature of organic materials.)

Edge gradients

A subtle shadow around the edge of your picture brings the whole thing together, makes the background recede a bit, and directs the eye toward the centerpiece. Too heavy a hand with this will still look nice, but more staged; it alerts the viewer that you’ve been photoshopping and kills the “I woke up like this~” illusion.

Relatively natural:

Dramatic!

Watermarking

You want people to be able to find their way back to you when your work inevitably gets cross-posted without the source (fuck you in the face, pinterest), so it’s not enough to put your initials or abstract logo or illegible signature on it, you need your google-able name or company name.

At the same time, people have been known to crop out (or clone-brush out) watermarks that are big and tacky, so it’s in your best interests to make your watermark tasteful and inoffensive. (Also: ugly watermarks just bring down your whole image, seriously.)

Some of the pictures above are old enough that they’re sporting my older & less professional-looking watermarks, but what I use at the moment is this:

(But, y’know, smaller.)

Best way to do watermarks is usually to create another layer over your image and blend the two. For dark logo/light background, the settings for the new layer are 1) blend mode: multiply, 2) opacity: 85% (adjust as needed). For light logo/dark background, the blend mode is probably going to be “soft light.” And then just paste your logo in the corner of the new layer -- the blend mode means your logo doesn’t have to be transparent, the program just ignores the parts that are lighter/darker than the background.

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And that, I believe, is the end. o_O I had no idea I had so many opinions on the subject of product photography.

Again -- I’m not a pro. I don’t know how to use 99% of my camera settings or 80% of my graphics program. (For fuck’s sake, my go-to graphics editor is the bootleg version of Paintshop Pro that I acquired in 1997.) This post represents the sum total of my knowledge on the subject.

But it just goes to show that you can do a lot with only a little, and that your composition and sense of aesthetics are far more important than what gear you’ve got.

[loverunderwater]

You Get Me (2017) dir. Brent Bonacorso

summary: After a one-night stand, Holly develops a dangerous obsession with Tyler and transfers to his high school, desperate to keep their romance alive.

1/5 stars

I’m back and worse than ever, with more italics and less coherent thought than before!!

Listen, I’m not saying this movie is as bad as Life in a Year. But jeeeeeeesus it kind of is,,

Spoilers, duh, but maybe you should save your two hours and go watch something that wasn’t a waste of Netflix’s budget. Though, Netflix doesn’t really seem to have any regard for its budget or movies that are worthwhile to produce, considering the fact that it made an adaptation of a book with the exact same plot as You Get Me just one year later (You, 2018).

The entire first five minutes of the film were indescribably bad. One, it was a shot of the ocean with a man monologuing his heart out in a voiceover. Two, said shot of the ocean was interspersed with clips of adult actors who were way too old to be playing high school seniors fake-laughing on the beach like it was a laxative commercial. Three, said monologue contained lines such as “Love changes you,” and “The moment I saw her, I just knew. It’s like everything had been in black and white, and suddenly there was color.” I am not ad-libbing. I am not paraphrasing. I am transcribing directly from the subtitles.

Even later on in the film: “We’re done here. It’s over.”

“You found me.”

“So... last night happened...”

“I like who I am when I’m with you.”

“Your laugh, I love it.”

“This was special.”

I swear to god, the writers must have consulted 12-year-olds who published self-insert One Direction fanfiction on Wattpad for help on their script. Either that, or their Creative Writing professors in college need their teaching licenses revoked.

None of the lines in this movie were funny. They all tried so hard to be witty, and snarky, and all *mic drop*, but they were uncreative and predictable. Just like the plot and acting.

Plot summed up: Main dudebro with a forgettable name (it was Tyler but I’ll be calling him dudebro throughout this review) has a perfect life and is stupid in love with his girlfriend Ali. They go to a party and he gets intimidated by some other guy from Ali’s past who spews shit about how Ali used to be a wild child and slept around. DB takes it out on Ali because he’s pissy that Ali hasn’t slept with him yet, even though she has a perfectly valid reason for wanting to change her lifestyle habits before college.

They break up because dudebro has a small dick and can’t respect Ali’s space. He also gets jealous of her talking to another guy that she’s clearly not interested in, so we can check “can’t read a room” and “coward” off the list (which is probably why the rest of the movie goes the way it does).

DB leaves the party and sees Holly, who is the world’s most pathetic antagonist. They hook up, and then DB stays over at her house and acts super boyfriend-y even though he was soOooO upsET when he broke up with Ali the literal night before. They continue to hang out for the rest of the summer. Then when the school year rolls around, DB gets back with Ali and Holly has transferred to DB’s school.

She starts threatening to tell Ali what happened over the summer and this drags out for a super long time. Holly forces herself into their friend group to make it more torturous for DB and gets really close to Ali. Only one of DB’s friends thinks Holly acts sketchy which is ridiculous, since Holly is absolute garbage at acting inconspicuous.

Holly makes up more lies to win Ali over and make DB sweat. She starts stalking DB and breaking into their homes. Shit goes from 0-100 in ten minutes and DB finds out Holly is her middle name, and that she’s been expelled from multiple schools for aggravated assault. More badly written drama, Holly tries to kill Ali, DB comes to the rescue, the end.

Something absolutely hilarious about this movie is how DB began his speech with true love, and honesty, and giving you heart to someone, and yet he had absolutely no qualms about sleeping with Holly right after he’d broken up with Ali. True love, huh?

I don’t understand why all of the characters (except Anna Akana’s, named Lydia) were so oblivious to Holly. Holly even poisoned Lydia’s drink to remove her fro the picture. As Lydia fell to the floor, choking, Holly was sitting peacefully across the table from her. Did no one think that was suspicious? Did no one think to accuse the girl with a smirk on her face as her supposed friend was choking? Holly was also always lurking around the school to find DB and give him a dumb speech about how she thought they were in love. Did no teacher see her and tell her to get out?

DB is shirtless way too many times. I’m pretty sure the directors thought it would make up for his mediocre acting. It was not attractive.DB also doesn’t seem to realize that there are consequences for his actions throughout the entire movie. Neither does Holly, but at the very end, the writers tried to pull the “mentally ill” card to excuse her flat character arc.

A HUGE plot hole in the story stems from this lazy writing. If Holly has repeatedly gotten in trouble (seeing as there is almost an entire google search page filled with articles about her expulsions), even admitted to a therapist (though I think psychiatrist would be more accurate), why is she allowed back into public schools? Why is she allowed to be around sharp objects? Why does her mother, rich enough to afford a bigass mansion but stupid enough to keep her pills out, not know to hide her GUN from her psychotic daughter?

The worst part of this lazy, terrible writing is that the principal of DB and Holly’s school has no idea about Holly’s past. If you’re stupid enough to not make the connection between someone whose face has most likely been on the news for aggravated assault just because they go by their middle name,maybe you shouldn’t be in charge of thousands of kids who you’re putting at risk by admitting this student as a regular kid.

My absolute BIGGEST problem with this movie was how much stupid shit the actors did with their mouths. Miss Bella Thorne was either pursing or biting, or flexing, or puckering, or pouting, or twitching and it was disgusting, one, and idiotic, two. It happened way too many times for it to be a tick or a subconscious thing from the actors, which means the directors specifically went “Be sexy and mysterious,” every half hour of shooting and after the sixth time, Bella’s eyes hurt from looking out from underneath her lashes or giving dudebro side-eye so they were like “Fuck it, lick your lips.”

In short, this was not a good movie.

[laboratorioautoral]

2, 4, 7, 9 and 10?

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Science Fiction is something I would like to try, but since I’m not a major sci-fi fan, I don’t know if it will be a good idea.

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Probably more than I should. I have at least Three Jonrya fics (and my Secret Santa), along with two Reylo fics in my mind. One of the Jorya fics is the one in the alternative universe in which Rhaegar survived and Jon grew up as a Targaryen prince. It’s mostly focused on how Jon and Arya build up a relationship and learn from each other’s perspectives on the Rebellion.

Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I follow his steps just the way I used to do in childhood. Jon made me the way I am, all savagery and cruelty. He gave me my first taste of steel and blood, I’ve learned from him my first lesson in sword fighting. Our scars tell the story of two tormented souls, two outcasts that found each other amidst fire, blood and snow. Our scars have written love letters all over our skin and Jon kiss every word in my body, hoping that they will make him a bit more human. (Chap. 1 of Demons Like Us).

This was probably one of my favorite fics and Deathless, from Catherine M. Valente was my inspiration for it. The idea was to tell Jon and Arya love story from a twisted and violent perspective. Neither of them is innocent and both have lost a bit of their sanity in the process. It’s a love story, but not a healthy one, which makes it incredibly interesting to write and this piece summarizes it. 

Which fic has been the hardest to write?

For Now I’m Winter. It’s long, with multiple POV’s and it’s super hard to make it coherent and keep a good rhythm to it.

Which fic has been the easiest to write?

I guess it was the one of the drabbles. They are usually easy to write when I’m in the mood.. Also there is “I don’t know how” which I wrote in one day because I found this song called New Ceremony, by Dry The River and the whole idea came to my mind.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (cont’d)

Part II: What If His Mom Was the Murder Planet?

The Setup: Find Part I of our Guardians Reaction here. As usual, annotations added after the fact are in italics.

The concept art above is by Andy Park.

SPOILERS BELOW.

MIRI: Ok, I think we’ve avoided this for too long: Kris, tell me your thoughts on Baby Groot. Or perhaps your thoughts about everyone else’s thoughts about Baby Groot.

KRIS: I think Baby Groot is fine

I just feel nowhere near the amount of love The Internet feels for him

MIRI: This surprises me not at all

KRIS: And as we briefly discussed this is completely unsurprising

MIRI: Exactly

Did you find Baby Groot to be a disappointment in comparison to adult Groot?

KRIS: I do think the extended gag of him trying and failing to fetch the control fin was the best comedy writing in the movie

MIRI: Ahhhhh yes

KRIS: Yeah, I guess so, though I’m having trouble putting my finger on it

Because both versions of Groot get their heart and their humor from a contradiction

Adult Groot is outwardly imposing and then we realize he’s so innocent

MIRI: I think it’s because you know you’re supposed to find him cuter than you do

Ohhhh

KRIS: Baby Groot is outwardly cute but then we learn that he still has his viciousness

MIRI: Whereas Baby Groot is adorable but a murder baby

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: I mean, they really have reversed the heart of the character that way.

Huh

How do I feel about that

hmmmmm

KRIS: Adult Groot gets one of the best emotional beats of Vol 1, when “I am Groot” becomes “We are Groot”

MIRI: I guess it depends on if Baby Groot is genuinely Groot, reverted to childlike form

Or if it’s like a form of propagation--basically Groot’s baby

KRIS: Whereas Baby Groot is sort of a one-trick pony, albeit in a good way where you don’t really want more than that one trick

MIRI: I really enjoyed Baby Groot as a discrete concept

KRIS: Teenage Groot was surprisingly great

MIRI: But thinking about him compared to Groot is bumming me out a little

Yes, teenage Groot was delightful

But I think that’s a one trick that would get old super fast if they do that for the whole next one

KRIS: Way to tap into your inner teenager, Vin Diesel

MIRI: I mean I feel like he doesn’t have to reach too hard

KRIS: I really want Thor to meet Groot

Fair

MIRI: Adult Groot?

KRIS: I guess whichever Groot

MIRI: I now really want to know if the Second Coming Adult Groot will be the same as Adult Groot prime

KRIS: Seems like the Innocent Warrior vibe is right on Thor’s wavelength

Or at least early Thor and Ragnarok Thor

They lost the balance in between

KRIS: On reflection, I’m not actually convinced that Wiser, More Mature Thor is a bad thing for the MCU at large, but that’s neither here nor there.

MIRI: Is young Groot growing up to be the same version of himself, or is he a new person (Grootson) being shaped by these violent but ultimately loving misfits???

KRIS: I thiiiiink the comic treats him as one continuous Groot when he regenerates

MIRI: Then is the innocence supposed to be something he grows into somehow?

I mean, he was violent in the original movie

But not as deeply so

KRIS: I think his innocence is probably supposed to be his core, especially as a metaphor for Nature

MIRI: Maybe he would have been violent to anything that was a Groot sized rat thing, he just never came across that while big

I guess the whole not understanding the water fountain thing could be read in the same vein as the failure to retrieve the crest

Also, because it needs saying at some point: I did really love Baby Groot’s dance in the opening

And the whole hat bit

KRIS: That was a great opening I want to mention our snarky Arclight usher briefly

MIRI: I loved him

KRIS: Who seemed pretty miffed that Vol 2 repeats a lot of beats from Vol 1

MIRI: I hope his failed career as a standup comedian leads him to much happiness in his life

I mean that 100% and I didn’t mean for it to sound as mean as it did

KRIS: But at least on a second viewing, I thought the callbacks and parallels were mostly effective, and that credits sequence absolutely is in the THAT WORKED column

I did not love, on a structural level, that both movies have a middle that’s defined by the Guardians getting a long World-Buildy Explanation

Complete with Visual Aids

That repetition is one of the few things that worked worse for me on a second viewing

MIRI: But Kris, they needed to use that special effects budget up, or they won’t get as much next time!

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the glory of Yondu’s rampage after he gets out of the cell

KRIS: One reason the repeated structure works (and I’m only realizing this now) is that each movie lets Quill come to terms with his feelings for a different parent

MIRI: Because that 100% worked for me

Ahhhhhhhh that’s such a good point!

See, I’m over here like “the murder arrow sequence was so funny!” and you’re hitting the underlying emotional structures

I think that sums us both up pretty well

Unfortunately (for me)

KRIS: Oh, see, I’m still ambivalent about that, because I just think Yondu is the epitome of an action problem these movies have: our heroes are Absolute Badasses..... except when the story needs them to lose

MIRI: 1) you’re entirely right

KRIS: Like how is Yondu not just completely unstoppable

MIRI: but 2) the sequence was really cool

KRIS: It looked amazing

And the music was particularly well used, I thought (as someone who did not grow up with any of this music)

MIRI: I think part of our difference on a lot of these points is what we wanted from this movie.

I didn’t super love the first one

I really really liked it

KRIS: Oh interesting

MIRI: But I didn’t LOVE it

So I was expecting this to be fun and funny

And it was

KRIS: I was totally on the BEST THING MARVEL’S DONE train the first time I saw the first one

And then I liked it a little less on Bluray viewings

MIRI: Right! So when parts of the second one are not the best, it hits you harder

I’m just kind of fatigued with Serious Action Movie superhero movies, so I’m a little more inclined to be forgiving of the flaws in something that’s a refreshing change from that type in other ways

I have a pretty high level of suspension of disbelief when I want to

KRIS: This is very true, and here is a Vox article anyone who feels this way should read

(Basically it’s about how even on a visual level Guardians is Bringing Fun Back to Superhero Movies)

MIRI: I miss the fun! I just want some movies/shows to enjoy what they are!!!!!

(Obligatory plug for everyone to watch the hell out of Wynonna Earp and Sweet Vicious)

((RIP Sweet Vicious))

I do want to jump back to your point about the unfailing hero..until the plot demands otherwise

Because it’s a really good one

KRIS: I have to say that I want coherent action physics/fighting hierarchies in any action-heavy genre entertainment

Even if it’s leaning on the Fun Train side of things

Again, Gamora’s fluctuating strength level bothered me a lot

MIRI: Yeah, I think that is a really basic expectation that I’ve let myself be conditioned out of I think people give in to a Rule of Cool type thing too easily

KRIS: Rocket is the Rule of Cool personified

MIRI: But he was designed in a lab, so anything can work!

*rolls eyes*

(but still loves most of it in the moment)

KRIS: (There’s actually a really fun running gag in the recent-ish Guardians comics where Tony joins the team, and Rocket is constantly giving him shit for how primitive Tony’s tech is)

MIRI: that sounds amazing

KRIS: Like Tony is amazed by how convenient their communications technology is and Rocket is like how do you people get anything done?

MIRI: But seriously: yes, it looks awesome for Gamora to pick up the gun that is literally bigger than her, but if she’s that strong she needs to always be that strong

KRIS: Gamora also ends up being strangled a lot for some reason throughout these movies

I don’t THINK it’s a creepy gendered thing because Ronan also almost kills Drax by strangling

But it’s like this lazy “oh what’s a position of weakness to put our action hero in” thing

I guess/hope

MIRI: You know what is a creepy gender thing? The supposedly super practical assassin always wearing crop tops and boots with heels

KRIS: WHAT is with those heels?

MIRI: THANK YOU It might be partially because she’s a very petite woman

KRIS: They’re a carryover from Vol 1 when they make even less sense

MIRI: if I recall correctly

KRIS: Yes but

MIRI: I know

KRIS: ScarJo has elevated heels in the Avengers movies

But they’re blocky so you can’t tell unless you’re looking

Because it’s mostly to make her taller

But Gamora’s have those goofy holes in them!

MIRI: Anytime you can get Kris talking very specifically about things he doesn’t know the names of is a good time. (Not that I know exactly what to call the “goofy holes” either)

MIRI: I also have some concerns about Mantis. She is really subservient 

And I don’t think any sort of gender/ethnicity thing was intended, but it’s still pretty unfortunate

KRIS: Hmm yeah

MIRI: Also, I don’t think it should be ignored that the actors who are POC end up in full body paint more than the white dudes

KRIS: I think it mostly slipped by for me because with Nebula as a bigger presence and Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki) as a secondary villain, Mantis didn’t feel too “token girl” and there was a decent range of character types for the women

But low bars and all that

Yes the POC thing is sticky

MIRI: Again, no one’s intention, I’m sure. But it’s always the white guy (named Chris) who is the starting point, and then they fill in the universe from there, which makes everyone else automatically some flavor of Other

Oh, real quick on Ayesha: When she had her hair down she made me think of Ivanka Trump

I genuinely believe that is how Ivanka Trump sees herself

KRIS: Oh man yeah

MIRI: I cannot back it up in any way, but I know it to be true

KRIS: While we’re on the Sovereign, the whole arcade setup for their ships was a pretty good gag

And even almost came into the general vicinity of commenting on the gamification of war

MIRI: Yes! Really liked them going from dignity to anger at losing the game

KRIS: That is probably the most (unduly?) generous thing I will say about the writing

MIRI: Ok, I’m thinking about low bars and things we’re tired of having to complain about and I have a thought

What if Quill didn’t have the obligatory dead mom?

What if he had a dead dad?

And his mom was the murder planet

KRIS: I’m listening

MIRI: I think there would be so much more there in terms of our expectations of a mother figure

And the question of creation vs destruction

I suppose it fits less with our general narrative of Judeo Christian creation and males as spending their genes as widely as possible

MIRI: Or, you know, spreading

KRIS: Right right

MIRI: But I also think it’s less played out and therefore more interesting if you reverse it some I don’t have anything more coherent to say, but I like the idea

KRIS: Yeah, here we can definitely say that as thematically perfect as Papa Planet’s self-obsession was for a Quill arc, it’s also a really good example of why we want and need other types of people writing and directing these stories

One of Caroline’s AV Club pieces I like a lot was about how Daredevil explores different masculinities

And Guardians 2 definitely strikes me as exploring, in a simpler way, sort of foundational ideas we have about Being a Man

KRIS: Where I sort of forgot I was going here was that even though I think the Ego/Quill stuff makes a lot of thematic sense, "Being a Man” is not exactly untrodden territory, and a woman writing and/or directing a story like this could probably have found a theme that hasn’t been done to death in this genre space.

MIRI: I’m wondering about the fact that barely touched on stories often work better than secondary ones--in this case Nebula (esp in Volume 1) vs Gamora. I think it might be because when writing Gamora, they’re very aware of writing The Woman’s story, and keeping her accessible as a love interest. Whereas Nebula is a factor in that story, rather than her own story. So she gets less well-intentioned-but-poorly-executed thought and is instead just written as a character

Does that make any sense?

KRIS: Yyyyes

MIRI: I saw Guardians 2 as more of an exploration of how to be a family than how to be a man, but I definitely think Being a Man is a big factor, if only because men are most of the characters

KRIS: I do think family was sort of the all-encompassing theme, but in the A-story I thought there was a definite thread of interrogating Quill’s macho-ness through his dad

Or interrogating is too fancy of a word but you know what I mean

MIRI: right

KRIS: Re: family, all I really had for “Fast and Furious parallels” was “affectless bald man saying ‘Family’”

MIRI: But would you say Yondu’s is more Man or family? hahahahahahhaa

KRIS: Hmmm

MIRI: And also Vin Diesel is there

KRIS: I guess I’d split the difference and say Father?

or “Daddy,” I guess

MIRI: Yeah I did not enjoy the Daddy line

KRIS: Can we go back to the romance question for a minute?

MIRI: Always!

KRIS: Do you think Pratt and Saldana have chemistry?

I don’t really feel it

MIRI: Huh. I don’t think they do

And I think at least part of that has to come from the weird inconsistencies in her character

She’s supposed to be all conservative and removed and immune to his pelvic sorcery

But she’s also wearing these ridiculous outfits with half her tits showing

MIRI: Please note that I am a fan of people showing as much or as little of their tits as they choose, but when it’s a character and it makes NO SENSE for that character in any other way I call bullshit

KRIS: Yeah that makes sense. I will probably not hate the eventual official Becoming a Couple because they’ve been low key and patient about it, but since they don’t have Tony-Pepper level chemistry it’s definitely easier to get pulled out of it and just see “oh, designated endgame”

MIRI: Yeah, the strings are very much visible there And I don’t hate it but I definitely don’t love it

KRIS: I mean I would have LOVED if the way they took the family theme had been specifically “orphan siblings” so Gamora became everyone’s sister

Which would have added an interesting level of resentment to Nebula’s story here

MIRI: I mean I’m always low-key annoyed that the 1/5 gender ratio means the woman is always eventually going to be in a relationship dynamic while the men only are if it fits, because of that same disparity

KRIS: Yep

MIRI: YES YES YES

That would have been so interesting!!!

This little crew of orphans, which 3 of them very much are already

Finding family and support in the middle of being violent bounty hunters jetting through space

That is all I ever want ever

KRIS: I also just finished rewatching Selfie, if anyone is looking for something else where Karen Gillan is alternately hilarious, hangry, and heartbreaking, that doesn’t demand the time or emotional commitment of Doctor Who.

KRIS: I guess we should tie this off pretty soon. Any last major thoughts?

MIRI: I really enjoyed it, and I’m here for more things being enjoyable

That said, the fact that they did some things SO well does make the more sizable inconsistencies grate a bit more in retrospect

KRIS: I will always wish everyone could write dialogue better, and I’m pretty sure like the first one better, but I’ve largely come around to enthusiastic approval

And ACT 2 IS SO SLOW

except when it cuts to Rocket and Yondu

MIRI: I am in awe of their balance of humor and action. Really blew a lot of other films out of the water on that score

Oh, and props to Sean Gunn for pulling his fairly absurd character off with grace!

“I didn’t mean to do a mutiny. They killed all my friends”

KRIS: Yeah, the best way to watch this is as a family dramedy with action bookends

KRIS: Should clarify here that I meant “family” in the sense of theme, as opposed to “fun for the whole family!”, but I have heard of friends-of-friends bringing 8-year-olds or so to see it with no problems.

MIRI: in that accent/voice and I still bought it 100%

KRIS: Yeah he worked really well

And I forget where but you can probably find a really sweet interview with James Gunn about how he loves working with his brother

MIRI: awww

You know how I love the sibling relationships

KRIS: Karen Gillan for Secretary of Swagger and/or Sullenness

MIRI: Oh, and I never need to see a nervous system becoming a man from the inside out ever again. That needs to stop being a thing

KRIS: Swagger more so in Vol 1, I guess

MIRI: Very much agreed

I need her to be in more things

Ok, done?

KRIS: Yes

In closing

I’M MARY POPPINS, Y’ALL

MIRI: Yes, he is cool!

[aurimeanswind]

Sunday Chats—Furious Edition (4-9-17)

Here I am, in a post Fast 5, Fast and Furious 6, and Furious 7 world. I guess let’s talk about it.

Relaxing Sunday & Your Name

To kick things off, today was the first Sunday I officially had off from work since Christmas. I had missed a couple here and there, but it was either because I was sick or because of PAX. So this was the real deal. I mean, I should take some weekends off every now and again, but I never do. I almost always work Saturday and Sunday, and it is pretty killer. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, thus me sharing it with all you lovely readers.

So I kicked off my Sunday getting up early and going to a nice matinee. I had heard good things about Your Name, an anime ass anime movie, and I’m still hungering for romance (as always) so I made the time to go see it.

I really enjoyed it. Above all else, the film is astoundingly gorgeous. Some of the best drawn settings I think I have ever seen in a Japanese animation. The landscapes especially legitimately blew my away. It’s a love story between two young folks, a boy and girl, who keep switching bodies when they go to sleep. The premise is really cool, and they make it cute and wonderful in all the right places, and there were twists, which in general I didn’t expect. But there were aspects of it that were frustratingly long to come to fruition. For me, this tactic usually works very well, but it was just the pacing and the way the two characters were introduced that was very confusing or just not to my liking. In the end, I just needed those romantic feels, and I feel like I never fully got that payoff. The way it goes is something that I’ve seen a great deal in anime, and has worked for me in others (see: Waiting in the Summer) but I just don’t think there was enough of that relationship.

I still really liked it, and feel it was a well told story. It was Ghibli-eqsue, but more grounded, so worth a look

Fast and Furious I guess...

Okay I’ll talk about Fast and Furious.

I have been really hesitant to get into these because it’s y’know... cars. I don’t like cars. I like speed and action that involves cars, but the focus on cars usually gets away from me. And the focus around them was definitely my least favorite part about the three F&F movies I watched. I thought Fast 5 was by far the weakest, and I’m not sure why it’s regarded as the best. The intro was too long, and the big set piece scene of dragging the safe around, which was awesome, just went on for waaaaaay too long.

It was still a ton of fun though. Way more love for Gal Gadot because of her role in Fast 5 and 6. She was super cool, and one of my favorite of the team members. The assembling the team, the heist prep, the running from Rock-Cop, all of that worked for me, but I just felt there was more of it and it was better in F&F6.

I mean, Fast and Furious 6, as I was explaining to a friend earlier, is top-tier because of this incredible scene alone:

But 6 really just hit the ground running and never stopped. The London chase scene, the fucking tank, it was all so good.

Oh and this:

And Furious 7 was really great too. It was maybe too much for me because I was so fucking tired watching it I was falling asleep, but these movies are incredibly exhausting, to be fair. 

I appreciated multiple set pieces in Furious 7, instead of hanging on just one. Also to be fair: 6 had a bunch of great set pieces, but there were like six in Furious 7. It was fucking nuts.

I enjoyed them a ton, Fast and Furious 6 is like, far and away the best one to me, and maybe I’ll go see Fate of the 8. I don’t know. 

BUT THERE. I WATCHED THREE OF THEM. I SAW THE FIRST ONE A LONG TIME AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE JOEY NOELLE.

What’s on Tap

Since it’s just Persona 5 still, I’ll talk a bit more about it. I am about 55-60 hours in now, and I feel like maybe I’m halfway through? Maybe more.

LOVING IT. Literally everything about it is incredible and feels almost hand-made for me. It’s difficult for me to not be hyperbolic about it when I start thinking about it, but it’s also difficult for me to nail down what’s really all that great about it when I’m not in it and playing it. Like, a couple days removed form the last time I played it, I’m sitting here thinking, “well, is it really that good?” and that’s because I need to hold this to the highest of judgement. I can’t just say it’s better than Persona 4 Golden and mark it as my new #1 and be done, I need to be thorough here. As soon as I am a couple hours into my next play session, I’ll be head over heels again. I dream about it. I think about it always. I couldn’t even tell you why right now because it’s all hazy. The game is just that good.

We talked about it a ton of the podcast last night, and I think we had a really great discussion. All the new mechanics, all of the enhancements, they show a team they just really gets their fans, their fanbase, and also understand their own shortcomings. They poured their heart and soul into this game, and did it both for themselves, but also for a fanbase they clearly care a great deal about. I don’t think I’ve seen a developer outside of Naughty Dog so in tune with what their fan base wants even better than I, as a massive fan of theirs, could have imagined.

Again, I’m sure its hyperbolic, but the game makes me emotional, gives me chills and misty eyes in all the right places, and as I’m still very much in it, it’s hard for me to write coherently about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it right now, especially considering I’ve hit such massive moments of intrigue just where I last left off. I can’t wait to see more.

Oh and we’re giving away a copy of Persona 5 on Irrational Passions Podcast! If you are in the UNITED STATES ONLY you can tweet @IrrationalPod on Twitter with the #PersonaQ with one thing you think looks cool about Persona 5 and enter a chance to win a steel book copy of the game!

Questions:

I feel like I conveyed my feelings on the series pretty well, but here are some other highlights:

When the Rock drops the Eff-Bomb almost right after he first appears in Fast 5 is great.

When the Rock throws that guy around the interrogation room.

When Vin Diesel just LIFTS A CAR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT?!?!

The Paul Walker tribute was quite good.

The idea of Vin Diesel consistently having superhuman abilities is just generally really funny to me.

All the set pieces. The London chase may have been my favorite.

The movies are good, sometimes great, not amazing. But I’m glad I watched them.

There are so many. Morganna in your bag is a great call out. Watching the character’s faces change in scenes is actually really great. Ryuji’s reactions are great, and so are another character that you see later, that I’ll refrain from going into. All the touches and attention to detail in the Metaverse.

That one they drove from one building, to another building, TO ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING.

I am 55-ish hours in. I don’t really like comparing the characters to other Persona characters. I fell in the same trap from 3 to 4. And I know these games are going to get a lot of comparisons, but honestly they are so different. It’s not as fair to the characters, specifically, to keep going back and forth comparing them. I think the way they develop those characters merits comparison, but maybe not the people themselves.

As for the best girl stuff... Listen, I honestly really fucking hated where all of the “best girl” “my waifu” bullshit with Persona 4 went. Not just because I think I got the brunt of it being a huge fan of Rise, but there is this weird ownership/dismissiveness to it. Like, I totally get, respect, and love the reasons people loved Chie, or Yukiko. I think by saying someone is best, even in a joking manner, because it all starts jokingly, can be a bit dismissive to other folks, and that was the stuff I really hated about the Persona 4 discussions I got dragged into. When people shit on Rise, who I legitimately  love, again, my favorite video game character of all time, it honest to god hurts and offends me. Sure I’m probably being too sensitive, but Persona should be personal, it should feel incredibly close to your heart, that’s what that series is asking of the player and what its going for, so I want to really set a precedent for that going forward. Lead by example or whatever, and not make this some bullshit arbitrary competition.

I know that was way more agro a response than you were probably expecting Jacob, and sorry to get all intense there. Currently I have not chosen a love interest in my own personal story, and still have one female companion left to join the party (going off boxart alone, and what I’ve seen in the story) so I am waiting to get to know her. I’ll say this: my feelings are confused and all over the place. Figuring out where I land will be very hard.

Well, and I tweeted about it this week, I did apply for a recent editor position. This is probably my 6th or so application. In all fairness, this and my last one were probably my strongest, with the ones before being far more disorganized, but yeah. I tweeted saying “please stop asking me about it” in a (mostly) joking way, but I think it came across as a little rude. I obviously incredibly super appreciate all the support and notifications that came through from folks saying that the job listing was up and I should apply. I got a text almost the moment it went up from a friend letting me know I should apply. I’m humbled so many folks believe I’m qualified.

I just also know the reality that choosing from local San Francisco people as well as their own freelance pool will absolutely come first. I’m in neither of those camps, so it’s pretty much already shipped. And I do know these things, I’ve heard stories, I’ve poured my heart and soul into these applications before, and I’ve never once even gotten a call or email. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or dismissive, just want to set the proper expectation.

Thank you all so much for your support. I’m too lucky to have you all cheering me on.

Haha Persona games like really big long supernatural mystery novels! They massive page turners, which leans right into the mechanic of it being a day-by-day progression!

I’ll say this Logan, and you’re gonna love it when you get to it, but the characters are very smart. They sit down and have big discussions and conversations asking each other the same questions you ask yourself while playing, and even come to realizations you yourself may not have gotten too. Especially where I am at in the story, there is a kind of secondary mystery going on that is perplexing both me and my gang of misfits, and the conversations surrounding that mystery or thorough, explored, and just super well done.

Fuck. This game is so good.

EPCOT is super cool! For me, I’ve never really been there as an adult, and it only gets better then. I mean honestly, just walking around the World Showcase is super cool. There is food from a bunch of different places, beer and alcohol from there as well (if you’re into that Harold). I really liked Mission Space, but it’s pretty intense, I don’t know if you’d like it. They have a Green version that’s not super motion-y so you may have fun with that.

I really loved the Ellen/Bill Nye ride there, but apparently that’s gone now. Otherwise, just enjoy the setting, enjoy the food! It’s probably the most fun park to just look at, in my opinion. Oh, and the spaceship Earth ride is a classic!

I did not, but it was definitely immensely sad. It gave me a greater appreciation for Paul Walker and his work. They were running a promo on the Xbox Video Store, where I rented all the movies from, where a portion of the proceeds went to the charity foundation that Paul Walker helped start, so that’s good.

I don’t know... Like, probably the characters that just feel like big copies of the other universe’s characters. Like Firestorm feels like a cheap human torch. I know he isn’t and Firestorm probably came first or whatever, but one character just never felt as interesting to me.

I don’t think there is a standout disaster comic book character for me though.

How about all the characters from The Walking Dead, even though I’ve never read the comic and just really hate the show now.

Like a lot.

When I want to. When it’s time.

I had to look this up because I had no idea what it was. Seems silly and dumb. Roger Pokorny tweeted this out at some point this past week, and I thought it was fucking hilarious:

I believe it’s edited, but it’s still so fucking funny.

The Rock is so great. I realized this week that I don’t think I had ever actually watched a movie with him in it. Like, Moana does not have him physically in it, even though he is so good in it. But yeah, he is really the thing that pushed me over the edge to watch them. And Joey Noelle’s borderline harassment. 

And the safe dragging was great, just went on for too long.

Yeesh. I don’t know. I’m probably living my biggest regret, and it’s probably in regards to finding love.

But really, I don’t know. Taking as long as I did to finish school? Getting sick in high school? I have a lot. Many my closest friends would say were “out of my control” but... That lingering responsibility really messed me up.

This is a great questions! Beignets is the answer. There was this local restaurant near me that only served beignets during their Sunday brunch, and they were so fucking good. It was the only thing that could get me to tear my ass out of bed on the weekend back when I was in grade school.

Then, suddenly, THEY STOPPED SERVING THEM. And literally no good reason was given. I know I could just go to New Orleans and get beignets any day of the week, but i don’t have that power or capability!

Ahg. Still makes me so mad to this day.

Shoutouts

Shout out to P Studio, for taking my heart.

Again.

That’s all I got. Sorry for the shitty shoutout this week, but I am tired from all my furiousness. 

I’m gonna go crash now. Love you all. Love your support.

keep it real.

[ifiwerebraveenough]

let’s get personal real quick

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

I hope you’re happy-blue October, 100 letters-Halsey, bad at love- Halsey, ever long-foo fighters, FFYL-QuinnXCII, high hopes- P!ATD

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Dead: my great great grandfather, Hatch. Living: Neil Gaiman or Jk Rowling

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“There are no flies, just flames”

4: What do you think about most?

The future

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“I will once I download it”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Without

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I can juggle?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls rule, boys drool.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yes both actually.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I dunno. More of an air drummer tbh

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

athazagoraphobia, coulrophobia, monophobia, philophobia

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Once I stuck a monkey berry up my nose and my mom had to take me to the ER

13: What’s your religion?

I don’t have religion. But I’m a pantheist if that helps.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Reading. Or basking in the sun.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Band… panic! At the disco

17: What was the last lie you told?

That I didn’t have feelings about something.

18: Do you believe in karma?

What goes around comes around and karma’s a bigger bitch than I’ll ever be.

19: What does your URL mean?

It means I liked it so I picked it. Just kidding. It means there’s a world of possibilities and ifiwerebraveenough is tackle them all.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’m a good person with a good heart. To both.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Johnny Depp or Ryan Reynolds

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

mhm

23: How do you vent your anger?

Not well lol usually screaming and cursing

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Bouncy balls lmfao

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Ew neither? I guess on the phone.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

As far as progress goes, yes. But I’m not done yet. But when I am “I will love the person I have become because I fought to become her”

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

The sound of shoes on a basketball court; thunderstorms and rain on a tin roof

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I’m never truly happy?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Yes to both. Crazy to think we’re the only ones here…

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: pillow, left: my phone case

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

my dog

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

oh gosh... the bathrooms on bourbon street

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

west coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Brendon Urie

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

whatever you want it to be 

36: Define Art.

anything that makes you feel something

37: Do you believe in luck?

of course.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

hot af

39: What time is it?

9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes and yes, totalled my mom’s truck

41: What was the last book you read?

Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere (best book ever)

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

yes... too much

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Lrn, peanut, London, Brenda

44: What was the last film you saw?

Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

probably my broken nose

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

several

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Black Mirror, my dog, graduation

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

straight

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

duh, who hasn’t

50: Do you believe in magic?

absolutely

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

for a bit, yeah

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aquarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?

both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

food

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

nope

57: How many relationships have you had?

like 5 

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

i can actually!

59: Where were you yesterday?

work

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

a candle

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

nope. I dont wear socks unless I have to

62: What’s your favourite animal?

stingray or elephant

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

being bold and outgoing

64: Where is your best friend?

in her room

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

lol i don’t know them like that

66: What is your heritage?

Irish, Welsh and Native American

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Drinking wine and eating dinner lol

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Satan?

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

lol...duh

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I like to think so

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Fire my ass bitch. That animal can’t save itself. 

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would tell some close family and friends. Spend them doing fun and exciting things with the people I love, I would not “Death is but the next great adventure”

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust. I can’t have love without trust. 

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

How Far I’ll Go from Moana

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

9120

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

loyalty, trust, and being able to be yourself around that person

77: How can I win your heart?

“Welcome to The Price is Right!”

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

absolutely

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Adopting Freya

80: What size shoes do you wear?

I dont wanna talk about it 

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Here Lies Lauren. Leave her alone. 

82: What is your favourite word?

Fuck. Obviously. 

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the beating organ that keeps me alive. 

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“okay hear me out”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Sunshower- Chromak

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

purple and blue

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Overlooking homes in Greece

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

lol that’s a rude question to ask. 

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“Do you love me?”

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Deuces. Im out. 

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

The power to become invisible. or fly. No! the power to find more of them so I can a lot of powers

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The last time I saw my Great grandmother when she was coherent and in her own house. 

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

ugh. October 2016 - March 2017

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Brendon Urie lol or Halsey (even though I said I was straight haha)

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Europe. Italy specifically. 

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

why is this a question? Yes. I do. 

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Unfortunately

98: Ever been on a plane?

I have. 

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Do better. 

[dreamled-archive]

SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP(S) FOR YOUR MUSE?: uh i only have 1 (one) thing on this blog even resembling a ship so uh my otp is cute gf concepts with @godsteel in this house we support gay girls & canon x oc thanks WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: ???? anything lmao ! within reason anyw like i’m not a fan of exploring unhealthy dynamics just bc i think it’s ?? weird ?? i like having fun with ships and i don’t really get any pleasure from writing unhealthy relationships, funnily enough. i also don’t like love triangles much bc i just think it’s a super boring trope and tbh ppl in the rpc take their ships too seriously sometimes so it’s not fun to write at all. i’ve had issues in the past with ppl actually demonising my muse bc of it and then projecting shit onto ME. but, other than that, most stuff is fair game for me! i’ve written some rougher, angsty stuff in ships before and i love some warm shit too! and smut’s a-ok w/me so long as i’m comfy enough with the other mun! HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: i’ve said this before but, for mio, five years older is the limit. probably nobody much younger bc mio’s only 21 atm and i’m definitely not gonna ship her with someone under 18. the five years thing is mostly bc mio just doesn’t wanna date someone too much older than her bc she’s very set on this concept of ‘young love’ asdfghgfd !! but it’s also bc i’m personally not a big fan of large age gaps in general? i prefer ships that are in the same age range tbh ?? ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: YEAH!! LMAO !! i’m............SUPER picky asdfgfds i’m also bad at approaching ppl for ships in general but the pickiness definitely doesn’t help the fact i don’t usually have a lot of ships n stuff. i have to be able to really buy into the dynamic and i always have a pretty good idea of what my muse would be into asdfgfd tbh i’m just a picky person in general but hEY also i’m better at shipping w/ppl i know well but i don’t really draw any lines there if the concepts are good HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?: as soon as it’s obvious it’s anything more than two ppl snogging or ppl start getting naked. or, depending on the pace or intensity of it, i might just mark it nsfw from the very start. WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:   (: i don’t even have a main ship verse i ship mio with the concept of someone loving her DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: pls !! like i said before, i’m super bad at approaching ppl for ships & tbh sometimes i don’t even consider the possibility of a ship until it’s presented to me asfghgfdfgh so anyw yea pls ask me if ur rlly feeling smth but not just for the sake of it bc i don’t like ships for the sake of ships. they’re boring imo? HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: well uh ! i ship less often than i WOULD like so idk what to say about that one. but tbh it depends on the muse. i actually prefer singleship overall? i was singleship on this blog until recently when i decided multiship was probs better since singleship isn’t super popular but i’m definitely the type who’d pick one endgame ship over lots of casual ships. my favourite part about ships is the plotlines & development so i don’t really care how often or how many so long as something comes out of it. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: i don’t know what to say here without repeating myself but, overall, i’m...probably neither of these. i’m not totally indifferent about ships and i’m not super fixated on them. if i have a ship i really like, i will get really passionate about it but it depends on the ship itself. it’s not the idea of having ships that i care about, it’s the storyline that ship offers. ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:  i think i’ve already referenced this a few times in this post now but yep, i am on this blog! i might switch to singleship on a verse by verse basis one day if i find a main verse ship that’s really ride or die but i’m not hanging onto that too desperately. i mean i PREFER single ship bc i LOVE having a proper consistent & coherent linear plotline for my muses and writing as tho my muse is just In A Relationship is more fun for me personally but multiship has its merits too so !! WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:  mio’s a fandomless oc so i can’t rlly answer this! but she has an ffviii verse? uh my fav ffviii verse is kael and asura. i don’t care if they’re ocs. i don’t care if one of them is MY oc. best ship. FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: ask me! asdfghgfds sorta. it’s not THAT simple but, like, if we’ve written together and our muses have good chemistry, you can ask me! i’m not going to jump into a ship w/o any basis unless i know the mun well / i’ve written with you a LOT on one of my other muses so i can guess how mio would feel. but yeah just asking me is really the way to go!! also? even tho mio’s bi, i definitely prefer femme ships for her? i wouldn’t be OPPOSED to shipping her with a guy at all if the chemistry was really there!!!! but she prefers girls, i prefer the idea of shipping her with a girl & if i was to go single ship in my main verse, it’d only be with a girl. but anyw yeah like i haven’t written a single romantic scene in the (nearly!!) two years i’ve had this blog so for 2018? Kiss Mio.

tagged by:  @variforme ty for tagging me and letting me get my frustrations abt mio’s dead love life out ! asdfghgfds tagging: anyone who wants to!! u can say i tagged u if u want, esp bc i’m nosy >:^)