#this show means so much to me you dont even knowwww

[mamoushiou28]

THE CAPTIONS IN TMF EP. 11 I'M DYINGGG

But anyways I've been part of this fandom since the very beginning (I was a fan of Rosy from the BWBL/GWGL series) and watching the show grow vizual-wise and story-wise was so great! I can't thank Rosy enough for 3 amazing years of TMF! <3

Also SEASON 2 CONFIRMED ASDJDXJXCJSK

[allgremlinart]

you should explain hannibal but you can’t be mean to me abt it :(( I KNOW you hate the show but… please be nice 🙏🙏

ADSHASDJH I DONT HATE IT... I just like poking fun at it (trust me if I hate a show I would not. even speak about it or joke about it ever becus it would annoy me too much) but uhm cough so

(also I knowwww I've seen a good chunk of episodes but my memory shit...)

WILL GRAHAM. moves to Maryland (?) he likes to fish... he's a detective or investigator of some sort. His psychologist is weird (HANNIBAL LECTER). and Will is like "oooooh I know EXACTLY how serial killers think" and everyone is like "thats weird ☹️" except for his therapist (HANNIBAL LECTER) who gets really hard about it. and Will is solving these murders lalalala but he's also getting WEIRDER. and Hannibal Letter is getting HARDER. and also there's this twinkgirl faunwoman (ABIGAIL HOBBS) with big eyes whose dad is a serial killer ??? and Will kills her dad to save her in a kitchen... and then Hannibal adopts her?

and through all this Hannibal has been eating people... and at one point he frames Will for murder..... but Will IS kind of tweaking. but then eventually Abigail murders and I think is murdered (?) and Hannibal kills Will because he cant have him or something gay like that (because Will got married I think).

[cartoonrival]

3 15 16 22 smirks

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

ok if im being honest im STILL thinking about ytp/exploding hotdogs inthe micrwave-amy. NO SHE WOULD FUCKING NOTTTTT you guys just think that any girl liking traditionally feminine things automatically = no personality so the only way you can wrap your head around "fixing her" is making her less "girly". im still going to war over what ppl are doing to amy. literally no one on the planet understands amy like i do and shes not even one of my faves. i dont even enjoy understanding her like she's my own daughter i do it like its an obligation like im legally required. i also recently learned that "does naruto having blonde hair and blue eyes mean he's white-coded" is legitimate discourse and i fr think you all need serious help

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

ok this is my biggest hater opinion and i KNOWWWW its like unnecessarily pissy so i havent said antyhing abt it until now but i think you might understand me. I DONT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE GIVE SHADOW SOME LITTLE THING TO TAKE CARE OF. I DONT LIKE HIS CHAO AND I DONT LIKE [expunged for my and others' safety] AND I DONT LIKE WHEN PEOPLE JUST GIVE HIM CATS. HE CANT TAKE CARE OF LITTLE CREATURES HE DOESNT CARE TO DO THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO HE JUST DOES NOT HAVE THE CARETAKERS SOUL LIKE HES NOT DOING THAT. HES NOT DOING THAT. BUT PPL DRAW IT ALLLLL THE TIMEE.......... IS THERE NO OTHER WAY WE CAN SHOW HIS SOFT SIDE THEN GIVING HIM SOME LITTLE CREATURE. HES NOT DOING THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!! its so stupid bc its not even like ooc NECESSARILY i mean his chao exists in at least some canons and theres nothing really saying it COULDNT happen and its such a harmless thing to be a hater about BUT I HATE ITTTTTT also when ppl make the hedgehogs wag their tails BE SO SERIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

literally every ship with amy. i think you guys just are desperate to ship her w someone. AROACE AMY SWEEP. ASK ME ABOUT MY AROACE AMY AGENDA!!! also i know youve talked about this 1 million times but i cannot fucking stand how the greater fandom talks about scourge bc none of them even KNOW HIM AT ALL and miss literally EVERYTHING that makes his character interesting and fun bc you didnt even READ ARCHIE you just decided to take this one dude out and sand him of everything of note so you can make him a sad little meow meow ToT SONIC HAS PLENTY OF SAD LITTLE MEOW MEOWS CANT A GUY JTSU SUCK??? CANT HE JUST BE A TERRIBLE LOSER? COME ONNNNNNN but ofc you wouldnt understand bc you didnt even READ ARCHIEEEEEE.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

JULIE SU. JULIE SU. JULIE SU ALWAYS. theres literally so much that could be said and expanded upon w her family and background and not even in the way that canon didnt give her anything at all and you gotta diy everything, shes SUCH A FUN CHARACTER shes so funny and such a jerk and everyone writes her off as "girl knuckles" so fast that they wont even LOOK at how much unique personality she has and how UNIQUE her relationship w knuckles is LIKE.... ken penders actually gave js a fun and unique and dope personality, the FANS are the ones writing her off as girl knuckles. ummmmm its not looking good for you people! and theres the assumption ig that all the romances in archie just suck bc theres sort of a lot of them, obviously i dont like every one COUGHken and sallyCOUGH but like ToT KNUXSU IS SO SO SO GOOD.... THE WAY THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER IS SO GOOD like you guys wipe every characters personality to put them in a ship, then talk about knuxsu as if thats the issue with it and why you dont like it, but. ITS NOT EVEN LIKE THAT. AND IF IT WAS SHOULDNT YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF SLOPim sounding like lorillee rn. QPR KNUXSU AGENDA WILL NEVER DIE

and in the same vein as js, lien da also. ppl just in passing say that either shes hot or shes ugly and no one talks about that creepy as fuck issue where eggman surgically put her back together. that issue was so fucking dope. shes so awesome. i love you lien da you are terrible and i love you.

obviously literally just all of archie. nobody talks about archie. i fucking love archie but everyones too scared. i wish i could make that au

[lqfiles]

BRO STFU STFU CAN WE ALL JUST ARREST LQFILES AND HOLD HER HOSTAGE BC WTF YN BEING HURT WASNT MUCH BUT IK THE ANGST IS GONNA HURT SO BAD IF I FELT BAD DURING THAT UPDATE omgggg

also I see that little “2 months” MY MAN HAECHAN IS BEING SO LOYAL WITHOUT REALIZING IT OMG yk he goes crazy with the “i love my gf so back tf up before i personally fight you for disrespecting her” if anyone flirts with him like he would be more offended than mc 😭

“i also got tired of ppl liking me for being haechan instead of really me” goes crazy bc that’s why he loves bothering mc since she gives him back the same energy without trying to suck up to him since she can’t stand him (she’s starting to and i love the progress 🥺)

BUT PUT your hands up PUT EM UP

but awwwww thank you for the update!! you bless us so much ☹️🫶🏼 GIVING YOU A BIG SMOOCH ON THE CHEEK

and for comic con, it was going to be my second timeeee it finished yesterday but the traffic was crazyyyy. it’s like 15-20 minutes away from my house and it was hellll, i didn’t get to go but one of my friends did go and she was dressed up as an anime character i think and another friend saw an actress from marvel (lupita nyong’o) and im so bummeddd i could’ve seen so many actors

ALSO LA IS NOT FAR FROM HERE AND TO BE IN KCON OMGGG I COULDVE SEEN NCT GUYS PLSSSS

hehe bro mark went crazyyy omg but you guys KNOWWWW i just have something for yuta, i go crazy 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

“do you hate me?” is the number one question i ask my bf 24/7 😭😭 it gets annoying so i change it up like “would you love me if i was a worm?” or “so you don’t love me? i guess you want me to dieee” or “would you kiss another girl if it meant saving me from dying?” heh thankfully he doesn’t get annoyed 😭🙏🏼

BUT YESS LISTEN TO THOSE SPANISH SONGS AND GIVE ME YOUR REVIEWS AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT IT MEANS IN DEPTH 🫶🏼 IM HAPPY TO TEACH YOU SPANISH YOU AMAZING HUMAN BEING

- 🫧

(lemme know what you want to learn btw!!)

GIRL DONT ARREST ME… arrest haechan if anything 🤦🏽‍♀️ but yasss if you think these stuff lowk hurt her now just wait till haechan is gonna be conflicted and unintentionally hurt her..

ALSO YES HE’S BASICALLY BEEN SHOWING HIS LOYALTY FR always mentioning how she’s the only girl he likes talking to or still keeps in contact with.. he would DEFINITELY be the type to do that once he gets in a relationship with her like before he liked all the attention but his eyes will be only for her so he wouldn’t even entertain the other girls fr

SHE LIKES HIM FOR WHO HE IS FR like he can be shamelessly annoying because that’s how they started but now he finds it endearing and it’s also the reason he likes talking to her like she really does make him like his true self 🥺

its unfortunate that you didn’t get to go but i’m happy your friends got to go!!!! YOULL HO NEXT TIME and you’re lucky as hell to live near LA, u genuinely was going through it because i wasn’t able to experience fact check 2 baddies and walk live like FUCKKK i should’ve been there

I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE WOULD SAY TO THE KISSING OTHER FIRLS ONE OMGGG we will use that for bonus chapters and haechan will indeed be the one asking that 😄 that’s such a fun relationship tho i hope you two last forever <3

I LOVE TOU AND YASS ILL TELL YOU SOON WHAT I THOUGHT OF THE SONGS you’re amazing and i’m glad you liked the update, and umm please let me know how to say “i’m hungry” 👀👀

[bakuraryxu]

i know the self talk probably inst constructive or useful but i can t help it!

every time i eat or put anything in my mouth theres a little voice inside thats like yeah this is why your e a fat piece of shit

and its like i know i knOWWWW stop saying it  i hate myself so much i could choke on it   having zoom meetings almost every day means i have to fucking look at myself and how repulsive i am. 

how am i meant to talk abt this w my therapist i told him abut All the Other Stuff but this is so intensely personal. like even more than anything else i think. 

what else really sucks is i got an advertising email today giving me tips for how to tell my partner and kids what i want for mothers day and iwa s like oh ok so its breakdown time again is it. i dont have a partner nobody fucking wants me. id rather die than have children. im an incel by definition lmao

it would have been fine if it was an ad for what to get my mother for mothers day u know ?? Like these things always bring up this whole ocean of bad feelings. its the same as when i showed a friend my body pillow and she said ‘you need to get laid’ like icant lmao. nobody wants me. thganks for the fucking reminder

[detoxdolan]

Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely.  8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan​ 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige  13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc 

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year.  16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever.  17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes.  20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress.  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me???  25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl​  28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl​ #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge)  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair -  In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back.                                                                                          36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go.                                                                                   37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish.  40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents)  45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley  46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty  ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao  48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan​ 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl​ to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk. 

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn.  60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated  😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes  72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES 

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl​ (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:27 10/01/2021 so. yes hello . i have corona looool. its not funny but it kinda is. a lot has changed since the last time i wrote and yet nothing at all has happened. its 2021 lol. its just 2020 pt 2 tho. crazy shit. i feel fine tho i dont feel ill at all. im currently looking at some art that i like and trying to find more since i wanna make a collage on my wall or something. ive always wanted a room that just feels like ME ya know. i always felt like my room didnt really show who i was because i tend to live in my head. like all of me is in my noggin instead of showing who i am through the way i dress/how my room looks/personalised things like my phone and stuff . like its never really shown what im like probably because i dont really know who i am. that feels weird to say because of course i know who i am. its a me. mario. no. lol. i really want to get into tailoring my life to ME rather than just existing ya know. like i feel as though theres no point doing anything like expressing myself because ill just end up being not bothered to finish something or ill end up not liking it so ive wasted my time. but u know what. fuck it. i wanna do thinks like that and maybe one day ill look back at when i started doing this and thank myself. thats got to be worth more than the feeling of disappointment of wasting ur time for something u dont like. coz if its not better then thats not fair. i was contemplating whether or not to actually continue this because its cringe and i dont want anyone to ever find this because i hate people knowing more about me than i let them. you only ever get to know the me i want you to. lol. i exist on my conditions. i should really put this somewhere else than on a notepad on my laptop. maybe i should create a tumblr account and upload these coz i think i could access it more privately than this. the more i think about it the better of an idea this is. i still like writing on this notepad because its familiar and allows for more expression i think . because i can make as many spelling mistakes as i want and no one can correct me. haagaHHghvsqhdbjsnbsd. anyways what was i talking about. ah yes self expression. i think ive been struggling with this because i dont like boxing myself in. and i especially hate when other people box me in . :((((((( makes me mad >:[ hehehheh anyway i have the first day of online school tomorrow ... which... yeah sucks. but i dont even know if half my teachers are actually doing it lol. i hope prelims get cancelled because i mean the exams are so why shouldnt prelims be. the thing is that i struggle with motivation so much. and its not even like "i dont want to start this massive project because it will take a lot of time and energy" its more "i cant pick up that book that is within arms reach even though i quite like the idea of reading right now and wouldnt mind getting a bit of progress done i just physically cant put my phone down and pick that up because my brain doesnt want to even though.. it does????" man am i bad at explaining. anyway i was saying that because even though i knowwww i shouldve been studying the past two weeks the only thing ive done is like.. look at some spanish and thought about things i can do in my own time to help that. but the thing is i enjoy spanish for the most part so like,,, with me enjoying the subject, wanting to learn it, and going to fking uni for it, all ive done is 20 minutes of spur of the moment writing lmao. so chemistry and maths are fked. coz i dislike chem especially. fuck that shit lol. i feel very trapped in my own head but i feel like im doing that becauese ive learned to do that for so long. its weird existing to other people especially when u didnt feel like u existed to yourself for a long time. like as though ehdjsb jhbwalkjkjbf i dont know what im saying. oh yeah the minecraft end poem almost made me cry again. im gonna read it again because i just reminded myself and im gonna come back and tell u my fave. why am i speaking to you as though u are real. like ur a person. maybe ill keep doing that. what do u think. anyway brb wait im gonna play minecarft music while i read it and maybe i can cry. "i like this player. it played well. it did not give up" "this player dreamed of sunlight and trees. of fire and water. it dreamed it created. and it dreamed it destroyed. it dreamed it hunted, and was hunted. it dreamed of shelter." "does it know we love it? that the universe is kind?" "to cure it of sorrow would destroy it. the sorrow is part of its own private task" "to tell them how to live is to prevent them living" "take a breath, now. take another. feel air in your lungs. let your limbs return. yes, move your fingers. have a body again, under gravity, in air. respawn in the long dream. there you are. your body is touching the universe again at every point, as though you were separate things. as though we were separate things" "and why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? to see you, player. to know you. and to be known." "and the universe said i love you - and the universe said you have played the game well - and the universe said everything you need is within you - and the universe said you are stronger than you know - and the universe said you are the daylight - and the universe said you are the night - and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you - and the universe said the light you seek is within you - and the universe said you are not alone - and the universe said you are not sepsrate from every other thing - and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code - and the universe said i love you because you are love" *sobs* " and the player was the universe. and the player was love. you are the player. wake up." how was i supposed to be okay after reading that huh. honestly tho i live minecraft like its such a beautiful game i cant believe i used to be ashamed to admit i played it :/ . in the middle of that i created a tumblr account coz i got sidetracked but its good to know that tumblr doesnt have a character limit that im aware of. anyway i know thats a lot of quotes its like almost half of the entire poem but like. its beautiful tho. its really grounding and like validating? to hear some of that idk. the universe is actually fking mental tho lol and i love learning about it i think thats one of the reasons i did so well in physics is that is taking something so entirely complex and crazy into math and reason and logic so i can at least understand a little about the universe. i can know it back. maybe i am the universe. and really were just understanding ourselves. getting to know who we are and where we all came from. i think thats lovely since some people (inc me) dont really know who they are or what theyre supposed to be so its comforting to know that at the very least we are all made from atoms and we were all forged from the same galaxy and that we are a part of the universe, part of something important just by existing. that we dont have to be special or unique by anyone's standards because we are formed in the same way stars are, were all just a collection of atoms, arranged to make up something incredible, and the fact that we can understand that shows how remarkable we are just by existing. like thats it. we are amazing just because we exist at the same time as the universe, that we are the universe. and so yes physics is "just maths" but maths is a tool to explain how phenomenal our exitance actually is. yeah. wow. ok imma go watch youtube or something now. bye bye. also notice how there was like an almost 3 month gap in between writing these. yeah.

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[leonbastralle]

Another Quick Reply Post

i’m rly just procrastinating oops

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

Um, hugs and no talking.

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

This is not good... How to make Annie better?

you got it XD or do my uni stuff for me maybe

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

Still mega fried, eh?

yEAH it’s getting worse ;_; i rly just need a brain pause

amixofpixels replied to your post “Read More Now Works On Mobile”

So thank you for being my angel. 😘

amixofpixels replied to your post “Read More Now Works On Mobile”

I blush at being an angel. I needed it this night.

jshmfbaksfbakjsgnaksfsd it’s true you’re one of the kindest people i know ;_; did something happen??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Okay girls, that’s it! Please don’t cause any trouble while we’re...”

IT WONT B EMBARRASSING THO

wERE GONNA B TALKING ABT THIS AGAIN TONIGHT OK

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Make your old man proud, okay? C: You’re not old. And it’s going to...”

:') dad shine im crying

dad shine is best shine no tbh i dont think theres any shine who isnt best

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

now thats some quality color matching

i NEVER EVEN NOTICED BUT THIS MADE ME SMILE EXTRA MUCH YESTERDAY

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Hmmmmm…”

i can already hear the church bells

there wont b any church bells for a long time or ever but theyll be good anyway man

simxnoire replied to your photoset “C: Hmmmmm…”

MY BEST BOY IN THE DISTANCEEEEE

YESSSSSSSSS maybe a bit too far away but this is only the beginning!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “S: Connie? You better!”

tell her Shine!

no worries ;) i feel like they’re telling ME to go through with this and not her because i need it more

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “S: Okay girls, that’s it! Please don’t cause any trouble while we’re...”

CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS PERFORMANCE

trust me i could wait for it another 4 years

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

i kno..... i kno i just gotta take care of That Project

that you do my gr8 professional

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

I WANT SOME TOO

WHO DOESNT IM SO JELLY OF MY SIMS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Shine is now a level 10 scientist!!”

MY DADSON IM SO PROUD :’)

sAME i cant believe i got there with him and also that he didnt get fried when pressing that red button

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “This is how scientists hug, didn’t you know?”

U ok my beautiful dadsons

its for research im sure they could explain

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Shameless.”

“In this time of need” i loV

THANK YOU IM PROUD OF IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Care for a ride? T: What are we talking about exactly? S: Rockets,...”

WOULD U LIKE TO RIDE ON MY ROCKET 69 🚀❤️💕🚀 

nO THANKS BUT THEY SURE DO

pixeldemographics  replied to your photoset “S: And this is my rocket. T: It’s a lot bigger than I recall…weird. I...”

I lov these kids and their dorkiness they are so goals

sdfukjasnfkjasfnkajsfnaksjfanskjas THANK YOU I CRY

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Come on in, dear! Where do you want to start? T: Oh, anywhere!!”

His rocket 🚀 👀

smh thats a spoiler get out

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Shine! Finally I get to see you in your natural habitat. S: It’s so...”

I lov this take ur wife to work day

tbh? i just did this because i needed them to boink in a rocket. i just rly had to.

fun fact: the miracle founders went on a jolly good rocket ride for their honeymoon it was wild

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Hi! Once you get this share 6 facts about yourself and send it to your...”

I lov u and love all of these and number 4 brings a big tear to my eyes and their dilated pupils

;_______________; i loV YOU TOO WITH AND WITHOUT DILATED PUPILS also i mean.......im glad that i just sucked at playing u kno

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “And then he drank a serum and got really sad… S: What is wrong with...”

I offer to take good care of him

;__; thank you

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “I honestly have no idea how dadgraab keeps up with him…”

He has a tender heart full of lov and patience 💕💞💛🧡❤️💜

he doooooooOOOOOO dadgraab is the absolute best

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s so good we came out here today, isn’t it? Oh, can you hear the...”

I cant believe i havent reacted yet i am the worst and this is dA BES i lov this salty child and the sinnamon roll baby 😭👌🏼❤️

bBY U DONT NEED TO REACT UR NOT THE WORST IM HAPPY WHEN PPL W A N T TO REACT AND THIS IS FAR FROM THE BEST I COULDNT WORK OUT ANGLES BUT ONE THING I KNO IS THAT THEY ARE THE BEST

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “then these 2 showed up for literally 5 seconds”

YEAH WOO

basically me: OOOOOOOOO YESSSSSS WOOOO

they: *leave again*

me: ok then bye

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “This is how scientists hug, didn’t you know?”

can confirm

there we have it proof from an actual scientist tell me what it’s like does it hurt

pixeldemographics replied to your photo

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAA dan annie back at it again with the gr8 noses and posing and everything i LOV

..................i was........inspired by u oops

the nose is real tho

simphonics replied to your photo

yessss

i KNOWWWW best guys

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

I want a free hug

we’re working on this yes

(fun fact i actually rly would like to do that and i talked to some ppl abt it once and they were all like ewwwwwwwwwww no we wouldn’t want to hug strangers??? and i’m like BUT THEY NEED HUGS AND WE NEED HUGS so yeah that’s that)

[maliciously-faggotty]

I’m tempted to just say every single one for Hundoe and Pernat but i’ll just say every one you wanna do for them bc I wanna knowwww (for the derailed questions meme)

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Pernat and Hundoe Mancuu. I dont even remember where those came from,,,

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Pernats title would be The Guardian. Hundoes would be The Virulent

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

They both had fairly good and easy childhoods. Pernat spent the first half learning about Subjuggulation however Dogdad decided that it was unfair on Pernat. Hundoe spent most of his younger years with a certain matesprit ( GUESS WHO ;DD) He was rather heart broken when said matesprit disappeared and decided that he was against the world and the rest is history.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 

Pernat adores DogDad and would die for him legit. Hundoe used to have a good relationship with Dogdad however.... they now have an extremely strained relationship.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

Pernat knew many many clowns when he was younger due to his local circus, however has not seen any of them in a very long time (thank god. that boy picks up bad habits way to easily). Hundoe was popular. He was charismatic and good hearted. He doesn't have many friends anymore.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

Pernat loves animals. Animals love Pernat. Hundoe does not like animals and tends to ignore them, it doesn't help that animals generally dont like him either.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Pernat LOVES kids. ADORES kids. He hopes that He, Tardar and Morris can take on more children in the future.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Nope! Pernat loves all kinds of food and especially stuff with chocolate. Hundoe eats mostly meat and carbs.

12. What is their favourite food? 

Pernats favourite food is cake thanks too morris. Hundoes favourite food is a good bloody steak.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Pernat dislikes bland foods, he finds nothing to enjoy in it. Hundoe hates anything thats too sweet.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Pernat is TERRIBLE at cooking. He burns stuff, gets stuff stuck to pans, sets things on fire. More than once he's made morris come too his hive because he just cant cook. Morris is happy too. Hundoe on the other hand is a BBQ extraordinaire as much as he would never admit it. His barbecue is to die for.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

 Pernat has a very very large collection of collars. Im talking like over a hundred at this point,,, people keep buying him them!! Hundoe has way more guns than any troll should possess. He likes them.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Pernat takes selfies! He enjoys sending his friends pictures of him making silly faces. Hundoes phone is so broken that it won't even take pictures nor does he want too.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Pernat LOVES adventure novels and romance novels, he has a lot of books and is an avid reader. He loves animal movies and he enjoys documentaries. Hundoe doesn't read. And he doesn't own a TV.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Pernat HATES love triangles. Considering his Matespritship

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Pernat digs a musical and he enjoys theatre! Hundoe is an avid music listener, he likes rock music and country music and a mix of the two.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Pernat is patient unless he's being blatantly ignored, That takes him from one too ten REAL quick. Hundoe doesn't often lose his temper. He knows he can win most fights with brute force.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Pernat mostly just mumbles and bitches about them later to Tardar. Hundoe skips the insulting and goes straight to a pen knife in the gut as a way of saying “fuck off”

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Pernat has pretty bad memory. He writes down a lot of notes but is still prone to air heading on things pretty often. Hundoe doesn't bother trying to remember things. He has a very shut off mind.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Pernat sleeps well but occasionally will struggle to sleep for a few days. He doesn't snore but has been known to occasionally bark in his sleep. Hundoe doesn't sleep well. Living in a zombie infested desert where they are constantly trying to get into his trailer during the day makes for shit sleep.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Pernat isn't quite sure if he's funny or not. But he does feel good about it if he makes someone laugh... even if they're laughing AT him.Hundoe think he is HILARIOUS. He's not.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

Pernat is happy 85% of the time. But when he's extremely happy he is flightly, excitable, unable to sit still and generally a bit nutty. Hundoe is at his happiest when he has found someone gullible or easy to control. He feels very proud during those times.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Pernat is saddened when he thinks about Tardars short life span. He hates to think about his privilege as a highblood and how he is judged for that. Hundoe an asshole. Nothing can make him ‘sad’ and he doesn't think about his Ex

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Pernat is afraid of being hurt and not being able to help people. Fear makes pernat quiet and stressed. Hundoe claims he is afraid of nothing and he certainly  acts it but it isn't quite true ;)

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

Pernat doesn't think about it much but will help the person avoid it. what do you think Hundoe would do? (hint: exploit them majorly)

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Pernats only exercise comes from Avalanche Rescue. However he is very naturally muscled anyway and his muscle is mostly working muscle due to his job. Hundoe is a gym rat, Most of his spare time is spent working out or ‘visiting’ pernat.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Pernat rarely drinks but has been invited a few times to meet Morris’ subjuggulator ‘friends’ and has managed to get severely drunk. Apparently pernat is pretty good at Keg-Stands. Hundoe drinks regularly and a fair bit. He has a high tolerance and doesn't often get out of it.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Pernat likes comfortable clothes that are bright and warm, He still wears makeup in bad habit. He struggles to break his habits and that is one of the ones he hates the most. Hundoe wears very what you may describe as redneck clothes. as you can tell. He wears fairly skinny jeans and likes to wear vest tops and likes topping it off with a denim jacket.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Pernat wears a good mix but mostly boxers. although he will admit to owning a few ‘’’fancy’’’ pairs. Hundoe wears boxer Y-fronts only. 

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Pernat is built fairly square. He has broad shoulders and a wide chest. Hundoe is very much dorito shaped. Wide shoulder very skinny legs (Pretty great ass though)

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

Pernats guilty pleasure is hanging out with other purple bloods. He doesn't agree with subjugators but he enjoys hanging out with them and enjoys how crazy they can be but promptly takes a step back when they get into violence. Hundoes guilty pleasure is super fancy food places even though he will claim its pointless spending loads of money on food.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Pernat is good at hauling weight and recovering people, He has very good smell but poor eyesight. He enjoys reading and skiing. He CANT sing. Hundoe has a sharp aim and a high (but wasted) charisma. He enjoys shooting things and manipulating people. He can actually sing pretty well. 

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Pernat LOVES reading as mentioned. He is a VERY fast reader. He really loves fiction. Hundoe doesn't read. He thinks reading is stupid and unworthwhile. Tell that to his younger self though.... Somebody used to like writing his own stories (but you didn't hear that from me.)

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Pernat admires courage and persistence and hopes to be known as a hero one day. He wishes that he could be more assertive and be able too say no. Hundoe doesn't admire others. He wishes he was a god.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

Pernat prefers to message and enjoys chatting on Trollian. Hundoe can write in calligraphy pretty well but doesn't.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Pernat has been shown the joys of coffee by Morris recently. He very much enjoys it but still sticks to a classic hot chocolate. Hundoe drinks too much Coffee and Energy drinks.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Pernat is gay and poly however in pale he is Bi. He finds men who are very gentlemanly attractive, he likes men to be polite but sweet. Hundoe is also gay however I personally will not allow him too be in a relationship because he would kill them.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Pernat loves the idea of being known as a hero. He goes home at the end of the night hoping that he will be remembered. Hundoes goal is to be on top. On top of everybody. Alternia. The Fleet. The Heiress. Her Imperious Condescension. The Empire. Everything. He wants to be on top of it all.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Pernat is no longer religious despite still wearing the identifying markers. He doesn't believe in The Circus or the Messiah. Hundoe is religious. He believes he will one day be whats known as the Messiah.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

Pernat loves spring. He loves flowers and bird and light showers. He does horribly in anything above 10c he cant function he thinks its way too warm. Hundoe lives in a desert. Autumn is the best for him, its not long below freezing but its not almost literally boiling. 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

People see pernat as a mean big muscular subjuggulator. Even if he walks with a kind look lowbloods will go out of there way to not walk near or around him in fear. He hates this and sometimes he almost convinces himself that its true. Its the only think he really really hopes hundoe never finds out about it because hundoe would destroy his life with it (by trying to make him act like that (which is fairly likely to work in because of how hundoes powers work on him)) Hundoe Is seen as terrifying. Looks mean. walks mean. is mean. Hundoe knows this. He likes it and demands respect.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Pernat tries to make the best possible impression because he knows how most trolls think of him before they speak to him. Pernat introduces himself kindly and if he thinks the person needs any sort of assistance he will offer it. Hundoe is rude. uncaring and thinks first impressions dont matter. His first impression is accurate.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Pernat loves dressing fancy! He's not such a fan of black tie events because he likes to be colourful but he still likes to get all dressy. Pernat is a social butterfly and would mingle with everyone. Hundoe on the other hand hates anything formal and would only go to a fancy party to crash it.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

Pernat enjoys most parties, he's never organised a party but if he did it would be bomb. Pernat wouldn't have an issue being dragged along he enjoys peoples company. Hundoe only likes the most trashy hive parties with cheap beer. He hates socialising and would be grouchy

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Pernats collar means a lot to him. Its a comfort object in its own right but it also reminds him of morris. Hundoes sawn off shotguns have a strong value to hundoe. He believes they are lucky and he's had them 90% of his life.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Pernat would bring a change of clothes, survival food and as much water as he could take. Hundoe would take his guns, plenty munitions and snacks.

[mariaaamaaarquez]

mirrors

hi! happy monday! well tbh not so happy Jesus, I hate Mondays. I also hate how fast time is going by like um hi its Virgo season?! for all my zodiac people who are into that stuff ive been so invested in it recently and its kinda scaryyy how accurate my shit has been. BUT ANYWAYS times flying by and its almost September meaning college move in day is closer, AAAND im almost eighteen FINALLY. 

finna go craaaazyyyy ;) 

anyways today’s post we’re gonna go a little back in time, and talk about something I feel like I used to struggle with soooo much throughout middle school and my first two years of high school which was looking in the mirror.

horrible.

as a sixth grader, thats kind of when my body started changinggg, my friends started becoming- weird, problems at home were just constantly popping up because I kept acting out- all in all, middle school? low-key worst years of my LIIIFE. 

self acceptance is something I feel like we all have to work on at some point, right? there’d be times when I would just look at myself in the mirror and genuinely just hated everything I saw. I hated everything about it. 

(which is honestly so funny now because one, I used to be a BITCH and two, it was my personality that was ugly, not me- well jk I was kinda ugly lmao YIKES)

anyways, it got to the point where when I started losing friends, I thought it was because of the way I looked, or acted. (mind you I was more of a bitch to people I didn't know, I tried to be nice to my “friends” LMAOO) but in all honesty like if im just trying to be real- I genuinely just thought I was ugly and I was just so insecure in general and it got to my head. I would look at my friends at the time and id be like damn like im nothing compared to them- ya know? 

I know its so sad to look back on it now that im genuinely thinking about it.

it wasn't until my junior year that I actually became more confident with myself, and my body. I thought that it was because now I had an ass and I had tits and in that time I thought and was under the impression that that was all that mattered.

plot twist: it wasn’t.

my junior year was the first year I began to reconnect with old friendships again. I had lost so many friends and my junior year I was committed to trying to fix lots of open wounds and find the closure I needed. 

mirrors used to be my biggest fear, because of the fact that when I looked in any mirror, all of the insecurities just made their way out and it was as if the words would just appear on the mirror itself.

(lmao kind of like when people write on their mirrors with lipstick or some heartbreak shit like that LOLLL)

okay anyways but seriously like-it was bad.

It even got to a point where I was scared I was going to fall into an eating disorder because of how much I hated how I looked. junior year, helped in the sense that I started dressing better FIRST OFF. & second off, I was trying- but not too hard. and also a big thing was that I began to surround myself with people that made me feel more confident. people that were genuine and real about how they felt about me. 

it was the push I needed to just boost myself up a little bit. 

I came fully to my senses senior year. senior year was genuinely so good to me even with its bullshit parts (because of course it had its bullshit parts) but I came to the realization that it wasn’t what was on the outside that I had to work on- it was everything on the inside. 

(no deadass all of my current friends I have at the moment either hated me at some point or just thought I was a straight up BITCH.) 

it wasn't until I became closer to more people, that I finally came to the realization that yeah the glow up helped- but it was mostly because I was tempted to grow as a person mentally, and emotionally. I became more selfless, more humble, and I cannot stress how much of a change that made in my life.

I no longer looked in the mirror and thought I was ugly.

I no longer looked in the mirror and felt insecure.

I was just- me.

its so weird looking back and seeing how unconfident I was and how insecure I was because if you ask anyone- I was one of the most outgoing people you could've met. I was in ASB, leadership, I dressed up for all the spirit days, and people knew who I was. 

that was all an act.

see my problem was, behind closed doors, behind the face of makeup, and the nice outfit, who really was I? 

was I just a person putting up a front so that people would like me? 

was I only able to act confident when I wasn’t alone?

yes yes and yes.

I wanted people to see the version of Maria that I always aspired to be. the version of myself where I felt confident and worthy and didn't need any reassurance or support from anybody. because the way I saw it at the time, was that 

as soon as you let someone in, you’re also giving them the opportunity to leave. 

and thats what I was afraid of. 

I was afraid of showing someone, anyone, how vulnerable I was at the time, because I always assumed they would leave and have everything I opened up to them about, with them, forever.

but you see, I soon came to realize that you will NEVER be okay with the person you are, until you let yourself be vulnerable. which is so fucking hard because I knowwww y'all know being vulnerable is so scary because you dont know what to expect from the person or the people. but when I finally understood, that it was okay to not be okay, well

everything got better from there.

I became the version of myself I always wanted to be.

the version of myself that I am now.

of course, im still working on a lot. a lot.

but, the difference now is that I managed to fully show my vulnerability and I let people in. is it still scary? always. the fear of losing people who ive been vulnerable with haunts my mind every single day. but we have to just say fuck it sometimes and take our risks because you never know why certain people cross paths with you. you never know what purpose each person is supposed to serve.

now, heres the lesson learned, and the takeaway I want you to have as this blog post comes to a close:

if you would've asked me to leave my house without makeup 4 years ago, id tell you that you were crazy. if you would've gave me a list of the people id be leaving high school with, and the people id be friends with in 2019, once again, id call you crazy. but what I learned from making my way through being as insecure as I was, was that I didn't feel pretty, because my personality was what was showing in the mirror. the version of me that only cared about putting up an act and hiding who I really was.

that was my mistake.

you should never be afraid to be yourself, you should never feel like you have to pretend to be okay just because you're scared of being vulnerable.

being vulnerable is what makes us human. 

being vulnerable is what makes us human.

being vulnerable is what makes us human.

being vulnerable is what makes us human.

the scars we have marked on our bodies, on our hearts, thats what makes us the people we are. dont run from it, embrace it! 

there is only one version of yourself in this entire universe (even though you probably do have someone who looks exactly like you in the world) nobody will have the exact same personality as you ever. 

I tried hiding my scars, I avoided being vulnerable, and it got me nowhere. it got me fake friends, problems, and a fat load of bullshit. 

and then I accepted myself as MYSELF, I opened up, I became vulnerable, and I can say now without a doubt, that I worked on myself and now looking in the mirror, is just a reminder of how much ive grown, and how much ive matured. 

and wow. does it feel pretty fucking nice to say that.

and thats all I have for you guys today! see you guys next post, and thanks for keeping up with me<3

besitos,

ria.

[poppoppopprophet-blog]

19th december 2016

Okay Okay Okay Uhm First things first, (I'm the realest) I'm fucking nervous for this new therapy thingie I'm go Freedom, I don't feel that. Imagination, I do have that. And I can imagine what Freedom feels like. Like.. Uhm Like stepping out the door and it's really cold out and you're still comfortable from the warmth inside and you're wearing warm clothes and you don't know where you're going and the light outside is bright and you bite for that first heap of air. That first breath. That's what I imagine Freedom feels like. That's what I know Freedom feels like. Problem is tho. It's not a constant. Far from it. For almost constantly I feel pressed. Stressed. Afraid even. I mean, fucking laugh all you want, but I'm genuinely scared for a third World War to break out. And I ain't fighting for a country that I don't feel a part of. I'm not fighting for borders I don't believe in. I'm not fighting for a system that's not built for me. I'm not fighting to protect the generations above me that are fucking me over. I'm not gonna protect a people or a country or a system that has never picked up responsibility. Fuck that. And fuck you. I would fight tho. Not for you. For me. For my generation. I'm afraid I'm able to pick up arms to fight the ones that never claimed responsibility. I'm able to terrorize. My generation is capable of terrorism. HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK DO YOU SPREAD IDEOLOGY WITHOUT IT LEADING TO VIOLENCE?! There's Extremist Buddhists right now! Are you reading this?! Extremist, violent, killing, terrorizing, FUCKING BUDDHISTS?! what the fuck (I luv buddhism 😭) (I luv marxism 😭) (If I was born two hundres years ago I would have luved kapitalism) Okay Okay Okay Gaaaaaaawd Let's talk, shut up Ghiel. Let me write about this upcoming third year exhibit. I figured I was done for that. Or well, that I had my concept ready, and that's like half the work. But! Talking with Juf yesterday and talking with my new psychologist fucked this up. See, my idea was to present my readymades; Britney (2007), Kim K (2016), Nicolas Bourriad on fb and Marina and Ulay on Tumblr. Now, I had the intention of showing this in an art context to see what would happen, how people would respond, what they would think and learn. Basically it being an extension of the research that I'm already doing while finding these readymades. And so, I wanted to talk to all of the viewers and visitors and hear them out. But I cant be everywhere! So insert: Doubles! Dopplegangers, lookalikes. I've been wanting to work with doubles for quite some time now. Ever since I was starting to work with fashion. Seemed like a lot of fun! Hahah and it clearly makes a statement on fame and the artist myth and the artist's created persone. Lyfe as a form of art! Persona as a work of art! And then I envisioned my Doubles to have my readymades on their laptop/iPhone/iPad. And then what? Will they approach every visitor? Will they walk around the exhibit? Will they have to stay in the exhibit? Do they have to stay in one place? Should they wait for visitors to address them? I DONT KNOWWWW OKAY so juf warned me that all these layers could get in the way of eachother. And then my psychologist today was talking about communication and how multiple layers of communication get in the way of eachother and are confusinf. I don't want this to happen. I think. The thing also is that I'm not working with one statement here. I'm uhm.. it's research. And that's what's fucking me up right now. I cannot implement clear communication into this exhibit if I don't have anything to communicate. What the fuck should I do? The commision wants the application in two days and I don't have a clear ideea to start working with. Fuuuuuuuuyyyyyycj Maybe doing research isn't a bad thing. It could be super interesting. I was also thinking that I don't have to be in this exhibition. If I think about 'the greater whole' I would much rather be in your phone, in your pocket forever than in your face for about a minute. Fuuuuuyyyck im soooo lossssst This fucking pressure. Goddamn I could also Have the readymades hung up on the walls. Neat. Nice. Empowering. Monumental. And now, it's a one night exhibit. So everybody wants to talk to the artist, right? Insert doubles. Fuck! No! The doubles lose all their function. Do they? It's still a statement on the artist's created persona. God, I'm so lost. I hate everything coming out of my brain right now. I just wanna make music, fam. First things first. Jezus Zo de weg kwijt Okay Okay Okay Let's see Chapters? Ja sure let's do this Chapterssss... Uhm.. Omggg Daily Wisdom? Philosophy? UTOPIA icons, iconoclasm? The way every human being comes to fruition? Is there a word for that? My god, I feel like these chapters are gonna change every single day. Whats the point of this? WHATS THE POINT TO LYFE? Ah, existentialism is another one I think. Do I have too many already? Looooooost (boys) I feel like these chapters are intertwining. Wait, that's allright, right? Like Fuck Idk Cos Me now starting with music is mostly Daily Philosophy, but also a part Iconoclasm and icons Yes those two go together! What the fuck! 2k16's so weird! I have to prevent WW3 I don't feel like I will ever be an essayist like they're supposed to be. Jesus I'm all over the place Fuck conservatists Fuck patriarchy Fuck sexism Fuck you I'm so energetic and soooo tired at the same time I got this hyperfocus going on but it's going eeeeeverywhere How to spread ideology (without violence) is a chapter i think Let's see What do I have so far? Everyday Philosophy Utopia Iconoclasm Human being to Fruition Existentialism (Idiot, that's equal to the first one) Spreading Ideology (on your bread!) Okay Let's put them in order of what's chronologically kinda possible slash logical hahahaa fuck me Everyday (i dont like that word) Philosophy Ordinary? Daily? Common? Idk? Iconoclasm Daily Philosophy Human being to Fruition Spreading Ideology UTOPIA I feel like there is so many joints and bridges that these topics turn into a fucking paste in my head. And I feel like anyone can see that and that makes me feel dumb. Are these all the chapters? Who knows? You don't even know, Ghiel. I want a blog. For all my diaries and thoughts and sources. And i wanna start on my youtube channel. I tried changing my age on facebook. I couldnt? Huuuah? Daily Philosophy is the means, no the medium to handle EXISTENTIALISM thats the chapter. Lets see Where the fuck am I in these chapters? EQUALITY: iconoclasm EXISTENTIALISM: daily philosophy EQUALITY AGAIN?: Human being to fruition UTOPIA: Spreading ideology Utopia Equality+existentialism=utopia? Again EQUALITY EXISTENTIALISM UTOPIA Betekenisvolle naïviteit That's what I have to grasp. Meaningful naivity. Giving meaning to your lyfe in order to survyve. Okay God I'm so tired now. EXISTENTIALISM is the chapter I'm in right now. My works; Destruction Is Followed By Growth, Kijker=Kunst and (You're) Welcome, Not Welcome all dealt with ICONOCLASM. ICONOCLASM to me is fucking up authority, power, expectations and elitism. In my personal lyfe I resist against authority. I don't feel like anyone deserves it. In the bigger picture it's resisting against, well, in the forenamed cases: the zeitgeist, the pedestal and, yes, the police hahaha. Kijker=Kunst dealt with EXISTENTIALISM as well (and even utopia) and well, see, uhm.. Once you (I) dealt with Iconoclasm, you're on your own. You are by yourself. You are selfreliant. (Jesus fuck, terrorist attack in Berlin? Fuuuuck) I am on my own. What will I do today? Tomorrow? For the rest of my life? My friend Joost said the legendary words: 'Giving meaning to your lyfe is a way of survyval.' For without it, you will kill yourself. (Omg did he just say that?) Ja, the case is I neeeed existentialism, I neeeeeed a reason, I neeeeed a meaning. Therefor you, yes YOU need this too. See, this, our time is post-theosomething.. There's no religion. There's noone giving you meaning and without it you are in danger. Jesus, this sounds dramatic. I can't focus anymore. Imma pee. Basically, I wanna save the world hahahah save every fucking human Or well, I care for people. I really do. And I consider the globally ignoring and not knowinf of wishes and initiatives is one of the greatest problems facing us. And I see an outcome or a solution in existentialist philosophy. Problem with this is that philosophy is packed in thick books that barely anyone ever gets to reading and truly understanding. So I feel I should take this knowledge I've taken and developed and pour it in a shape that's accesible. And above all: fun. Yes, it has to be fun. If it doesn't have entertainment value it will only be interesting to a certain few and like I said: I care for all people. So I will do my best to reach as many as possible. Without compromising. So right now I will build, create, shape an album. A music album. To reach people with abstract knowledge packed in words in a form that is entertaining and accesible and is from all media that I know most likely to be repeated the most.

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE TWELVE - “I CAN’T COMPENSATE FOR STUPID PEOPLE“ - JAKE

Okay, oh my god. Oh my god. I cannot believe I just survived that vote I'm so glad omfg. I flipped someone who flipped on me I'm SCREAMIng. Idk what you call that but I call it ICONIC. I pulled out ALLLL the receipts to Sam trying to show her why she couldn't trust Isaac and Andrew and why I was the best person to keep. Truthfully, I don't know who would've been her best option to keep, but I needed her to think it was me. So yeah, that was successful, tru. I couldn't flip Isaac like I wanted to, but idk I mean it's probably better that way because it gives me a reason to vote for him and for him to vote for me if I make it to the end. So like I think I have a plan to make it to at least f4. I'm playing my idol this week. Sorry but the blind week is just not working for me, sorry not sorry! I'm gonna use my vote negator on Isaac, and have Sam use her extra vote on Isaac, and have Sam and I vote Isaac. Then have Zack and Sam B vote jakey. That way the vote will be split 3-2-1. If Isaac plays an idol then Jakey goes. If he doesn't have an idol boom he's gone. And I'd tell Isaac I'm voting jakey and Jakey I'm voting Isaac that way at the end of the vote, either way it falls I could tell them I told the truth lmao. I'm playing my idol because in the long run I can't really trust anyone completely like I did that round, I mean Sam flipped when I never expected her to. So like if Isaac plays an idol on himself or wins immunity and Sam and I vote him and like Sam B flips on us and votes with like jakey to take out me the vote would be 2-1 and I'd go home! And a bad, disgusting, but possible even if unlikely scenario would be if Isaac/Jakey won immunity and the other played an idol on themselves. Or who knows they could have stuff from the cornucopia???? Okay so then, at f5 it'd hopefully be Zack, the Sam's, Jakey and myself. I truly do not think Jakey has an idol, I'd be shook if he did when like he was barely online. So like my plan would be for all of us to simply just vote Jakey. That brings me to f4, where I could at least hopefully go to firemaking, but I believe everyone in this f6 is better than me at comps, except maybe Isaac? But I think Isaac needs to go next for sure. Ugh. But yeah I mean that always leaves a possibility for people to vote me out at f5, and there's always the possibility of an idol... I'm gonna try to think about the likelihood of people voting me during this blind round, with all the risks involved. But I think it's a huge risk in itself to not just be safe and play the idol on myself, especially after the heart attack I got from this last tribal. SPEAKING OF THE FUCKING HEART ATTACK ZACKS FUCKING ASSHOLE SELF GAVE ME A PANIC ATTACK!!! He messages me right when tribal council is starting and is like "I'm so sorry" BITCH?? I was like omg what did you vote me and he's like yes I'm sorry but Andrew gave me a better offer you're more of a threat I'm so sorry I didn't wanna tell you on call (Sam B and I had added him to our call after I convinced her to reflip). And I freaked tf out! I was like wtf omg I couldn't even type my hands were S H A K I N G and I couldn't breathe and my heart beat so fast yo it was so bad like omg how fuckin lame is that how gross! And like I couldn't even curse him out in the main chat properly LMAO. Like I'm dyin Zack is so annoying omg lmfaooo oooh he had me fucked up! I think the best person to sit next to come f2 (I'm basically just certain it's gonna be a f2 now which is so ugly bc it decreases my chances so much) would be Sam B just because of how she flip flopped on this vote. Like she was a way bigger threat before the vote but now idk. I feel like Andrew and Isaac would be scorned jurors but eh who knows ugh. I hope the upcoming immunity challenges will be luckier for me despite zacks wild ass comp abilities omg. Ugh I just hope all their threatening competition winning asses take me to the end ugh. But I am glad that I'm at this point in the game with a cast that I love..and zack. JK ZACK ILY HNG. But yeah

Okay I'm pretty sure tribal is in an hour and nobody has talked to me at all. Guess I'm leaving tonight. That's what I get for being a flop ass bitch and flipping and then flipping again on the revote. It's been fun panem.

welp... i guess isaac is stupid as fuck? lksjdgdlfkjh srsly WHO are my ALLIES... HELP!!!! these ppl suck god even worse than i do. so my plan for this round is get sam b and isaac BACK TOGETHER god... and then flip zack to vote out sam g... which i kinda set up last round when i told zack that i'd vote with isaac to get his trust. im still playing zack and i dont wanna go to the end with him but i dont wanna go to the end with sam g or jc either so like... an ideal f3 would be me sam b and isaac. lmao. everyone sucks idk why sam b voted andrew out like god these people are stupid. idk i dont think ill win immunity since its like luck. but christine goddess got me an immunity advantage so thats nicee. im not telling anyone about that shit! it's a blind round which is fun!!!

Okay so I have a little idea brewing in my witch pot brain....what if I go around this week "confiding" in people that I have the idol. Like, I'll start with Sam G and then move to Zack and maybe tell Sam B and maybe even Isaac. I want to tell them because I'm going to be playing my idol this round almost without question...but since it's a blind week none of them will know that I'm playing it! Then come f5 hopefully the remaining people are Zack, the Sam's and Jakey, and all of them would still think I have an idol that I'd most likely be playing on myself, which means none of them would flip on me. As for jakey, I wouldn't tell him I have the idol but hopefully Isaac would've told him after I told Isaac which would make things even more believable if it's coming from another source, so jakey might not even vote me. Idk I think that no matter what people are going to vote me anyway, so there's no harm in adding a possible larger target on my back with this idol if it also has the possibility of protecting me. Not only that but if I confide in people, who knows they might have an idol and confide in me too! Also, I'm going to tell Isaac his best chances of survival would be to vote Jakey. Because if I negate his or jakeys vote and we split it 3-2 that means if Isaac has a vote, he could vote jakey and tie it 3-3. Or, he could be dumb and throw his vote away to someone else. And who knows, on the revote we might keep Isaac, if he stayed loyal maybe it'd be smart to keep him especially because he's not as good at competitions unlike jakey, and it relieves the threat of such a goat (baa) like Jakey. But at the same time he's very good with his words and shit so at f5 he might be able to conjure up some magic to cause drama and flip a vote idk. But I could always keep on persisting saying if Isaac does make it to FTC he deserves to win because we let him make it there when we had majority. This is gonna be an INTERESTING week, know that!

Later...

Okay so I've been strategizing and thinking, and like that whole idea of revealing I had the idol and whatnot and like I don't think it's worth it seeing as it gets revealed that an idol gets played...but idk maybe it's worth it? I don't knowwww. I could always tell them I'm playing the idol tonight, discourage them from flipping on me, but then they'd be like tf why you playing an idol? I might just be a crazy bitch and risk not playing my idol again LMFAO. That'd be so wild. But I think if someone else plays an idol I most definitely would. Yo I wish I had a map of the arena for every bitch left in the arena because after last round I learned you can't trust no bitch! Ugh but like I feel like things will be so much easier if I can just wait til next week to play my idol, what are the chances bitches are gonna flip on me again /right/ after flipping on me last week. Like you'd think they'd have the courtesy to at least wait til the next round, right?? Right????? Probably not. This is allstars after all. Ugh. I need to think of who I want to play my map of the arena on, like who would be the smartest person??? These are the pressing questions.

Later...

Sam G has a map of the arena? INTERESTING. Immediate reaction I'm so happy because this is going to clear up soooo much paranoia. But I am a bit confused because I thought that only one map could be purchased per round, so it wouldn't make sense that she got a map this round because I have the map this round!!! Omfg now Sam B approached me about voting out Sam G, I'm SCREECHING. Like the level of shook I am rn is 10/10. I think it'd probably be smart to take out Sam G since I might be seen as her sidekick or something, but I don't think it'd be smart to do it this round. And not only that but if I did make it to f2 with Sam I feel like I could showcase how I wasn't just second in command but made moves and decisions that she didn't necessarily want like the a Brian and Liana votes. And I got the idol from her clue. Yeah I do think this round it's smartest to vote out jakey, then next round could be either of the Sam's or Isaac. If I can keep my idol until next round like its seeming possible to, then I don't even necessarily have to worry about who comes into f4. Except I do have to worry in that I don't want my ass heading into a firemaking challenge!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, everyone else left in the game is a bigger challenge threat than I am so like?? Fuck. But I think if Sam G comes in to f4 with me they'd be more likely to vote her out over me which is better for me hng. Let's say jakey does leave this round (fingers crossed bih), then  who would I want with me in the f4? I feel like my best case scenario would be the Sam's and Zack, because the Sam's may vote each other and Zack may vote with me hopefully. If Sam G goes home this week, that'd leave an opening for either Sam or Zack to flip with Isaac and jakey, and even though I'd have my idol to protect myself for f5 and take one of them out, I'd still have to worry about f4 and fighting another in a fire making challenge. Idk this is all totally assuming Zack wins like every single immunity too like I'm expecting him to. LIKE ZACK IS AN IMMUNITY QUEEN, GODDDD. But nah damn my girl Sam B is trying real hard to put a move on her jury resume. She's really worried about getting second place again, and I feel her, I don't wanna be last juror again, and I especially don't want to lose this season after everything, so I get her dilemma. But I have to do what's the very best for my game, and I think that's voting out jakey. THATS JUST MY OPINIONNNN (insert that's just my opinion gif). But yeah I gotta keep my eye on Sam B 👀

Whew I almost forgot to do a confessional because I had the sappiest dumb confessional ever but I decided not to send it and thought I did. So anyways here's my confessional... I can't believe it tied because Isaac couldn't make up his mind. I feel really bad about Andrew but the more I think about it the more I shouldn't care. He never really talked to me at all about this game until his ass was on the line and then when I tried to help him he still threw his vote to me when it could have gone to someone else in case Jaiden played an idol. So this vote is the last vote to play anything I'm pretty sure so IF THERE IS AN IDOL it'll probably be played tonight. I'm playing my extra vote and my second map of the arena (I love my sponsors honestly <3) and Jaiden is playing his vote negator. If the two of us vote together the worst thing that'll happen is that we tie and have to vote again. Hopefully everyone's telling the truth but I don't know this whole merge has just felt too easy. I know there have been a few snags but I don't know something about getting here has felt too easy and I'm too calm so I feel like I'm about to get blindsided tonight. I really wanna make it past tonight though because then I'll beat my Atlantis placement!!

I am soooo torn. Once again. Okay so I am in a 4 person alliance with Jc, Zack, and Sam G. On the other side, I have a final 2 with both Jakey and Isaac. I want Sam G out. But nobody on her side wants to go after her. And there are no numbers without them. That alliance wants to split the vote tonight with 2 on Jakey and 2 on Isaac. What they don't know is that Jakey is playing his idol so his votes will be cancelled. Isaac and Jakey are voting out Sam G, but Jc is using his vote negator on Isaac so it'll just be 1 vote for her. So left we have 3 votes: mine, jakey's and jc's (because jc is voting isaac and zack and sam g are voting jakey which will be cancelled with his idol). Confusing, I know. So Jc and I are supposed to vote out Isaac, and Jakey is voting for Sam G. However I have the opportunity to flip (again) and vote out Sam G. This is what I want. But I am sooo worried about Jc and Zack finding out. Idk how the blind tribal will go, if they will announce that Jc is cancelling a vote or if Jakey is playing an idol. I feel a lot more stress than I did the last blind tribal, that allowed my target to leave and let me keep playing the middle. But this one is definitely going to hurt that. My dream scenario would be Sam G leaving and nobody knowing I flipped and then I have the option to choose between Jc and Zack or Isaac and Jakey. I am praying for this next immunity. If I don't leave tonight (you never know in games like this). I wish I had an idol, or even better a super idol. But I'm just trying to really rely on my social game and my gut at this point. I hope it all works out. And I'm also worried about a vote sneak of my vote just because I did flip last week so I seem untrustworthy, which is why I am going to wait until 3 minutes before votes are due to submit, just so nobody has time to switch their votes to me, if they haven't already done so. Yikes I am nervous whew.

stupid #1 - isaac do i even have to explain like Why did he vote for sam b when she was literally flipping to us ?? i'm like... i can't even process this bc how can i play a game with people like him like it's impossible i can't compensate for stupid people stupid #2 - sam b oh god this girl is a mess. i cant believe she voted out andrew just bc she was mad at isaac or whatever. like yeah he's fucking stupid but u just ruined your own game?? she can't beat jc sam or zack so idk what the fuck her goal is. she's also fucking stupid and if i wasn't drunk i might have knocked some sense into her stupid #3 - zack taking immunity from me even tho he didn't need it and painting a huge target on his back for no reason and fucking over a tight alliance he had with me... it's like do these people even know what survivor is??? how did u pick this "all stars" cast honestly kass voice id like to see that data stupid #4 - sam b honestly who is this bc she never talks to me and i try so hard to start a convo with her and she's just so boring god. apparently her own alliance wants to vote her out so what's her deal??? stupid #5 - Jc he's the least stupid bc honestly i think he's playing the best game out of everyone so i hope he wins if i can't at this point. but i'm not giving him too much credit bc he's only here bc certain individuals are literally STUPID and that is all

Later...

i think im going this round! bc zack is an idiot lmaoooo but whatever cant wait to vote for JC to win!!! lol this game is so boring and literally they all suck. im playing on idol paranoia and the fact that i have finals all of this week and have no time to play immunity but yeah it doesnt look good. Yikes.

UGH IM SO #PARANOID WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THE IDEA OF NOT PLAYING MY IDOL WHATS WRONG WITH ME I SHOULD JUST PLAY IT BEFORE MY ASS GETS CHOPPED FUCK

My favorite thing is how Jc and Sam G have convinced Zack that he has a chance of winning. He hasn't done anything this whole game besides been Jc's lapdog and win immunities like bye.  So this round the other side is splitting it's votes against me and Jakey and expect us to vote against each other so the expect the vote should be like 3-3 but Jc is negating my vote apparently so it's 3-2 but me and Jakey are voting Sam G so it's more 2-2-1 and Sam B isn't voting me and is voting Sam G so it should be 2-2-1 but Jakey also has the idol? So it should be 2-1 with Sam G going home hopefully. I don't want to give up playing this game I've worked too hard for too long to give up. This confessional is really choppy and is bouncing from one topic to another, sorry. I don't understand why Jc wants to keep Sam G when she's literally going to win if she gets to the end. The bitch had a successful idol play. Like?

I'm so sick and just want to go to bed but these fucking bitches had to pick tonight of all nights to try to blindside me. Now I gotta do work

hieeeee! SO. its revote time and i know what i'm doing! but anyways.. i still have my idol and if i use it on me next round im guaranteed 5th place (i think?) so hi WIG! let me go revote now.. this has been a long ass round.

If I'm gunna go I'm going out swinging! I've always tried to stay nice and polite while people are voting me out just in case I can flip but obviously these people are fucking dumbasses and I hope my favorite player ever JC slits all their throats and gets to the end

Later...

ifvdjskd so apparently Isaac and Sam B locked in their votes for me and Zack already said he'd go to rocks so like if JC doesn't go to rocks for me I'm gunna be so mad because I would go for them! If Zack is willing to go to rocks for me and JC isn't Zack 100% has my vote in the finals if he's there even if he's against JC omg JC BETTER DO THIS FOR ME