#this was private but now it chrismas and kata am full of egnogg and bad decisions

[decaffeinatedcatastrope]

EDIT:  jfc i forgot the readmore i’m sorry for the massive post on your dash xD So this is a snippet/draft from the big fic-in-progress, but it’s holiday appropriate and really cute.  

warnings: mentioned character death (he got better) smoking, mentions of drinking, cursing, and naughty santa innuendo between two emotionally constipated magical skeletons who can’t decide if they wanna date each other or punch each other.  except one knows he can’t be punched or he’ll die and he uses it to pester the other skeleton to no end.

-ahem-

Red and Sans are invited to Tori’s for a small gyftmas/christmas party.  It’s technically Red’s first christmas.  (Asgore is not invited for reasons, Red finds out later)  It’s...a party.  Red is a bit uncomfortable being included in the festivities, and feels a little out of place.

----- Just as Red was considering the eggnog as an escape from his state of constant, unending anxiety that someone was going to turn around and stab him, the whole party went quiet for a moment.  Everyone turned their attention to the front door, and the group of children started making an ungodly noise.   “the fuck??”  Red muttered, willing himself to get closer to the group so he could see what was going on.  Wait. That was Sans.  That was very clearly Sans, dressed up in a red, velvety santa suit and a shitty fake beard.  He hadn’t even bothered to take off his ratty slippers.  Holy shit.  Red fumbles with his soda as he tries to clap one of his hands over his mouth before he bursts out laughing.  Holy shit.  Holy shit.   Suddenly everything was worth it.  The anxiety, the stress, being around people who cared about him too much for whatever reason;  this made it all worth it.  This made his whole fucking year, seeing Sans dress up in such a stupid-- Then Papyrus screamed “SANTA!!  YOU MADE IT TO THE SURFACE!!” and practically tackled Sans.  The two skelebros laughed, and Sans patted Papyrus on the back.  They were happy. Red felt...something kinda warm and fuzzy curl up in his soul.  He gave Sans a genuinely affectionate smile, and he felt the tiniest bit proud of him for doing something like this for his brother.  Even though he’s damn sure Papyrus knows exactly what’s going on, and is just playing along because it makes them both happy. Red decided to keep his mouth shut, and tried to will the warm fuzzy feelings to chill for a bit while Sans started handing out presents to various party goers.  Papyrus and Frisk were the first, then he moved onto a couple of the Snowdin kids, Undyne and Alphys, and then Toriel. By the time he got around to Red, Red’s amusement had resurfaced, and he was trying his best to behave. He failed.  As Sans started digging around in his bag for Red’s present, Red gave him a mock-offended look as he scoffed.  “wait, no way.  after all the shi--”  Toriel gave him the Mom look.  “--stuff i’ve done this year, i’m not on the naughty list?” Sans looked a bit caught off guard, but recovered quickly with a shrug.  “eh, santa is forgiving, especially after what you’ve been through--” “damn, i’m guess ‘m gonna haveta try harder next year.”  Red gave him a wicked grin. Sans’ smile soured a little, and he shrugged.  “...well in that case, you get nothing.”  Off he went to the next person. “wh-”  That wipes the smile off Red’s face.  “wait, no, i--” “nope, too late, you’ve been bad.”  Sans stated, ignoring him. “hey!  wh...”  Red frowned at him, crossing his arms to keep himself from flipping the shorter skeleton off.  Sans almost wanted to go back and poke fun at him for actually pouting, but kept his act going. --- Later on, Sans was finally done being Santa.  After listening to Papyrus’ long explanation about how he’d missed out on meeting the jolly man in the red suit yet again this year, he just wanted to sit back and enjoy some time to himself.  Which meant finding Red.   He looked around the house, but it seemed like Red had vanished.  He had a good idea where his double probably was, though.  He asked Tori to make two cups of hot coco, then headed for the back door where the porch swing was.  For some reason, Red always ended up back here. Sure enough, Red was on the porch, although the swing was abandoned in favor of the steps.  And he was smoking again.  Sans was pretty sure it was still the same box of cigarettes Red had from the wedding. Sans didn’t try to be quiet when he opened the back door, so Red wouldn’t be too startled.  He did look back to see who was coming, but the relief on his face when he realized it was Sans was tangible.   “hey.”  Sans called, approaching quietly.   “...hey.”  Red replied, taking a drag of his cigarette.  He paused when Sans offered him a mug of coco.   Looking between his cig and the coco, Red eventually flicked his cig into the snow and took the offered mug with a warm smile.  “...thanks.” “no problem.”  Sans replied, sitting next to him on the steps.  “too much?” “...yeah.”  Red muttered, taking a sip of his coco.  He brightened.  “this is good.” “i can’t take credit, Tori made them.” “still good.  and ya still brought it to me.”   Sans hummed slightly, before nudging Red.   Red fumbled in an attempt not to spill his coco, and chuckled.  “what?” He thought he could see the faintest flicker of nervousness as Sans’ smile tightened a little.  “...you uh.  do you still want that present?” “thought i’d been too bad for presents.”  Red teased, nudging Sans back.   Sans took a moment to stare into his coco, before he set it aside and fished a thin, wrapped package out of his inventory, and held it out for Red to take.  “you deserve something, especially after i caught you pouting like a spoiled child after i told you you wouldn’t get one.” Red threw him an only slightly irritated glare and snatched the gift from him.  He was expecting something stupid, like Papyrus’ gift; a cookbook, except every recipe had ketchup in it. He wasn’t disappointed.  His gift was also a book, but it was a...coloring book?  The word “FUCK” was emblazoned on the front of it in fancy text, and framed with all kinds of artsy shit.   “the fuck is this?” Sans burst out laughing, and Red had to hold himself back from chucking the stupid thing at him.  Sans was doing that thing again, that dumb honest laugh of his turning his soul to mush with good feels. Once Sans managed to get a hold of himself, he held out a cheap pack of markers.  “it’s a coloring book.” “...Sans, it says FUCK on it.” “yeah, i saw it and thought of you.  open it.” “gee thanks, you ass.”  Red scoffed, flipping through a page or two.  He was assaulted with more curse words in fancy, flowery script.  Then, a horrible idea popped into his head.  “looks like a perfect activity to do with the kid next time i watch ‘em.” Sans’ amusement shifted to horror.  “oh god no - Tori would kill me--”  His arm snapped forward faster than Red expected in an attempt to snatch back the gift, but Red managed to hold it just out of the smaller skeleton’s range.   Red laughed as Sans tried to climb over him after the book, totally ready to chuck it across the porch if he had to.  Sans paused and gave him a strange look, a twinkle of something in his eye lights before he started trying after the book again with renewed vigor. Red kept laughing and fending him off until he felt something softly brush his skull.  A pastel shred of paper fluttered into view, and Red followed it with his eye lights until it landed on his lap.  The book was forgotten momentarily, and he didn’t even react when Sans snatched it from him. Then Sans noticed the slip of paper Red was oh so carefully holding in his hand.  A ticket, for the supernova event at Mt. Ebott observatory next year.  The same ones Red had died trying to get, weeks prior. Red said nothing, instead his gaze shifted and the two of them locked eye lights.  Sans was starting to get a little nervous.   “...you...i uh.  heard there was this big thing going on at the observatory next year, thought it’d be neat?  so i got two tickets, and uh, maybe you...could go with me?”  Sans grinned at him, but Red just continued to stare.  “i mean, if you wanted to.  i thought maybe...space was your thing too.  like mine?  i, uh...” Sans was beginning to worry that the aftermath of that whole situation might be a painful memory for Red, that it was stupid to dredge that pain back up during a time they were supposed to be happy, that-- Sans tensed when he felt Red loop one of his arms around the back of his neck, and leaned forward to click his teeth against Sans’ own, his soul welling with warm and fuzzy feelings.  He could pull away if he wanted, Red wasn’t holding onto him tightly.  But...friends don’t kiss, Sans. Sans leaned into the kiss, his arms slipping around Red’s waist of their own volition.  It was gentle, not heated or desperate.  Warm, calm, comfortable.  The two of them stayed like that for a good while, until Red pulled away first. They stared into each other’s eye lights until Red looked down at the ticket clutched in his free hand.  “...i uh.  i’d like that.  the space thing.  with you.”  Red’s voice sounded oddly tight, and it felt like his soul was getting ready to flutter right out through his ribs.   Sans wasn’t much better off.  He quickly retracted his arms to fiddle slightly with the fluff on the hem of his costume.  “good!  that’s...good.  ‘cause then i’d have an extra ticket.”  He cleared his non-existent throat and gave Red a grin.  “so uh.  you okay?” “...yeah?”  Red asked, quirking a browbone at Sans.  “why?” “no reason.”  Sans replied quickly. When it was clear Sans wasn’t gonna give him a real answer, Red scoffed and fished out his wallet.  He tucked the ticket inside, so it didn’t get...misplaced.  “it’s so hard to take you seriously in that stupid costume.”  He mused. That broke Sans out of his nervousness.  “oh, yeah i saw you trying so hard not to make fun of me.  good for you on behaving.”  Sans gave him a pat on the back. “don’t patronize me.”  Red snapped, before his expression shifted into something...warm.  Happy.  “i just...i didn’t wanna spoil it for Papyrus.  he was so fucking excited to see you show up in that stupid - sorry, to see Sansta show up tonight.” Sans shrugged.  “eh, he knows it’s me.  it’s just a thing we do.” “i figured, but he still enjoyed it.  it’s just...nice to see, ya know?  you two, doin’ nice shit for each other.  you’re a good brother, Sans.” Sans wanted to ask if Red had ever done something like that for his brother, but...something told him that he should probably keep his mouth shut about it.  “uh, thanks.” The two of them sat in awkward silence for a while after that.   “...so if you hadn’t decide to behave, what would you have said?”  Sans asked curiously.  It felt like poking a hornets nest, but he was genuinely curious, and the warmth in his soul from that kiss was stirring up other thoughts. Red snorted, before dissolving into downright laughter again, and he leaned on Sans for support.  Sans’ soul flipped in his chest at the sound. “haha, i can’t, i can’t say it.  i don’t wanna get kicked outta the house over somethin’ that stupid.” Sans casually glanced around the porch.  “we’re kind of already out of the house.” That made Red pause.  “...yeah, i guess we are, huh?” “so uh.”  Sans tugged a stray piece of fuzz off his sleeve. “why do you wanna hear what i’da said so bad?” “i need a laugh.  and a reason to put you on the naughty list.” Sans felt a twinge of regret the moment the words had left his mouth.   “oh really?  you need a reason?”  Red gave him a wicked grin, his gold tooth glinting in the dim flicker of the christmas lights around them.   “well, uh, i have plenty of reasons, but i just--”  He went silent with shock as Red maneuvered himself into Sans’ lap, the larger skeleton straddling his legs.  “uhhhh--” “oh, i’ll give you a reason.”  Red gave him a heated look.  “...how about i jingle yer bells, Sansta, and then we...fffuck i can’t--”  Red suddenly burst into laughter again.  “oh my god, that’s fucking terrible, even fer me.  ‘m sorry shortstack.” Sans was silent, frozen as his eye lights bore into Red’s own.  Red’s grin fell slightly, and his laughing ceased.  “...hey, i warned you it’d be stupid.”  His face lit up faintly red, and he moved to climb off of Sans when he felt Sans’ phalanges dig into the crests of his hips, holding him in place. “uhhhh.”  Red muttered. “uhh.”  Sans replied, looking between them.  He chuckled sheepishly.  “...i snow you wanna be on the n-ice list, but wow.  flirting with Sansta?  that’s definitely ultra-naughty list material.  i might have to stuff your stocking with something better than coal.” “holy shit." Red wheezed and started laughing uncontrollably again.  “oh my god - how - how long did you stay up last night thinking of naughty christmas puns?  holy shit, Sans!” Sans laughed too.   What was he even doing?  Had Tori put something in his coco?  “i just wanted to see if we were on the same page.”  He pointed up at the lights twinkling along the railing.  “while your pun was bit lacking, i’m de-lighted to see that you at least tried.” “we both know puns are shit and you prefer knock-knock jokes, you peppermint flavored gremlin.” “wow i take it back, you didn’t even try there.  back on the normal naughty list.” Red scoffed in mock offense. “didn’t even try??  well shit, lemme lick yer candy cane and find out what flavor it is then~” Sans’ face practically went navy at that, and he uttered a soft “fuck.”   Red snorted, pleased with that reaction.  “so, do i win now?” “y-yes.”  Sans managed to reply, hiding his face against Red’s stupid christmas sweater. “you gonna gimme a present?”  Red whispered against Sans’ skull, digging his sharp phalanges into the cheap, velvety red suit. “oh god.  uh.  not that.”  Sans shivered slightly, trying so hard not to do anything naughty on Toriel’s back porch.  But his mind was swimming with terrible puns.   “what, afraid i’ll bite?” “yes.  very yes.”  Sans was very aware of what those teeth could do.  And he wanted them no where near his...oh god. “wow, you trust me so much.”  Red deadpanned, before just...hugging Sans.  They were still in that slighly awkward position, with Red in Sans’ lap, but Red was comfortable, dang it.  He gave Sans a sheepish grin.  “hey, relax.  ‘m just playing.” “no you’re not, you’re corrupting me.”  Sans whined. “huh?” “i can’t - i can’t stop thinking of dirty puns.  oh god.  what have you unleashed.” Red laughed.  “don’t blame me fer that!  you were probably doin’ that long before i came around.” “no, i--” “hey.”  Red started.  “knock knock.” “...uh.  who’s there?” “coal.” “coal who?” “coal me if you hear santa commin’.”   Sans snorted, and Red felt some of the tension leave him.  Red smiled.  “why does santa always go down the chimney?” “i dunno, why?” “because it soots him.” Sans snorted again, before laughing. Feeling brave, Red continued.  “knock knock.” “who’s there?”   “...tanks.” “tanks who?” “tanks for givin’ me a good christmas, Sans.” “...o-oh.  you’re welcome Red.  you deserve it.”  Sans looked away with a soft smile, his face dusted with cyan.   Red shrugged.  “lies, but i’ll take it.  hey, why does Santa always land on your roof?”

“why?” Red leaned forward and whispered “because he likes it on top.”   That cyan shifted back into navy, and Sans gave Red an absolutely incredulous look.  “really?” Red grinned.  “i dunno, Sansta, you tell me.” The noise Sans made was amazing.  Red couldn’t help but laugh.  “okay okay, i’ll stop.”  He replied, trying to climb off of Sans again, but Sans still held him fast.  “...okay, my legs are fallin’ asleep here, Sans.”  He relaxed again, but jolted when he felt something that was definitely not a lump of coal, nope. “yeah?  well uh...”  Sans looked absolutely mortified, but he leaned in close and whispered something so quietly, Red almost didn’t hear it.   But he did hear it.  And his face went absolutely scarlet.  “...uhhhhehe...fucking hell, Sans.  that’s uh.  wow.  you sure yer not the one on the naughty list instead of me?” Sans still looked mortified, but he managed half a grin.  “so...uh, wanna move this party back home?” “i think we should.  ‘cause we’re probably gonna stain this fancy suit of yers if we continue.”  Red slipped his arms around Sans’ shoulders, quietly steeling himself for a shortcut. “yeah.”  Sans looked at the cups of abandoned coco, which had long since gone cold.  They really should return them.  Then he felt Red shift in his lap again, and Sans’ mind was made up.   --- “...nng.”  Red’s sockets fluttered open the next morning as the muted light of a cloudy day shined in through the window.  Right into his face.  Willing himself further into consciousness, he felt around for the familiar lump that was Sans, only to find him missing.   Swinging his arm behind him, it collided with his missing lump.  Sans let out a quiet groan at the assault.  “ow.  why.” “couldn’t find ya.”  Red mumbled, rolling over so the light wouldn’t bother him anymore.  “bright.” “mm.  i thought you liked sunlight?” “’s christmas an’ ‘m too full of lazy right now to care.”  Pulling Sans into a cuddle, Red relaxed and tried to go back to sleep. Sans snorted and let himself be cuddled.  Red’s bones still buzzed with his magic, and Sans smiled sheepishly. “merry christmas, Red.” “yeah.” “stars, you must still be tired.” “shuddap an’ go the fuck back to sleep.” “i would, but i don’t think i can.  the official Papyrus wake up call should be soon.” “the what.” Suddenly, there was a pounding knock on their door.  Red jolted in surprise.   “SANS, RED!!  WAKE UP YOU TWO LAZY BONES, IT’S CHRISTMAS!!  THERE’S PRESENTS!!”  Papyrus called excitedly, before his thudding footsteps bounded down the stairs. Now that both of them were sufficiently awake, Red groaned.  “i don’t wanna get up yet.” “we gotta.  if we don’t, i don’t think Paps’ll let the whole ‘we might not be decent’ thing stop him from barging in here to--” “’m getting up.”  Red replied, rolling himself off the bed with a muffled THUMP.  The quilt followed.   Sans laughed, before rolling himself off the bed after him.   “oof - get offa me.”  Red growled, his voice muffled by the quilt.   “huh, you’re actually kinda comfy.”  Sans replied, letting himself relax on the pile.  Red easily shrugged him off and stood up, balling up the quilt and tossing it onto the bed.   Sans let himself remain on the floor for a moment as he watched Red get dressed.  Red ignored him for the most part, but Sans didn’t miss the way his cheekbones were tinted ever so slightly scarlet.   “...i think i’ll make pancakes.  that sound good?”  Red asked after tugging his christmas sweater over his head, drawing Sans out of his thoughts. “yeah.”  Sans yawned and sat up, before retrieving a pair of shorts from the floor and tugging them on.  He wasn’t even sure if they were his.  A pair of clean sweatpants landed on his head.   “i don’t feel like having yer bro throw a shit fit over you wearing crusty floor shorts.” “they’re not crusty.”  Sans replied, picking at a questionable stain that might not quite be ketchup.  He frowned.  “sweatpants it is.” There was a clatter downstairs, and the two of them shared a look before Red left the room. --- Sure enough, Papyrus was gearing up to make them a breakfast feast.  Red yawned and took a moment to pour some coffee from the pot right into his mouth before going over and wrestling the cast iron from Papyrus’ grip.  Thankfully, Papyrus didn’t fight him.   “GOOD MORNING, RED!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!”  Papyrus beamed, before clapping an oven-mitted hand over his mouth.  “Was that too loud?” Red quirked a brow bone at him, and set the pan down on the stove.  “...no?  you don’t gotta be quiet in the house, Paps.  ‘s just us.” “...OH.  I THOUGHT YOU AND SANS HAD GOTTEN INTO THE EGGNOG YESTERDAY, WHICH IS WHY YOU WERE NOT UP EARLY, LIKE YOU NORMALLY ARE!”   “nah, i decided i wanted to remember my first real christmas without a hangover.”  Red replied simply.  “pancakes sound good?” “BUT RED, HOW WILL YOU COOK WITHOUT YOUR HANGOVER INDUCED GENIUS?” Sans took this moment to enter the room laughing.  Red shot him a glare, before giving Papyrus a tired look.  “i think i can manage pancakes.  i’ve made ‘em enough sober now that they’re not a complete mystery.” “CAN I HELP?” Red smiled. “’course, you can help me get the ingredients together.” Papyrus quickly went to go raid the fridge for ingredients.  “CAN I HAVE A SNOWMAN SHAPED PANCAKE?” “...i can try, i guess.” “can i have one shaped like a reindeer?” “yer gonna get a circle and yer gonna fucking eat it.” Sans chuckled and sipped on his coffee.  It was actually really sweet, just how far Red was willing to go to try and make Papyrus happy.  Yet something was still bothering him... Red’s brother.  Other Papyrus.  From what little Red had told him, and the... questionable things Alphys had told him, it really bothered him to imagine his sweet, naive little bro as...well, someone like Red.  Someone with LV.  Violent.  Paps had the potential to be dangerous, yes, but not the intent.   It would’ve had to be something devastating to get Papyrus to fight back to the point he gained LV.