#this wasn't intended to be a sad post but ended up being a very sad post

[sally-mun]

Since I've been settling back into Tumblr I keep thinking about the fact that this is where I did most of my writing. About all kinds of things.

I haven't really written anything in a couple of years. It started as a bit of burnout but got exponentially worse due to a very bad thing that happened. My therapist has been trying to help me find that piece of myself again. It's been lost for a really long time, and is probably a big part of why I have so much trouble being 'me' anymore, or even knowing what 'me' is. It's really difficult to like 'me' now. On the off-chance I actually do, I feel guilty for having done so, because I still haven't quite shaken the instinct that shouldn't like 'me.' I should be ashamed of 'me.' Maybe that's a big part of why my writing disappeared. I always really liked that about me. Writing would threaten my the paradigm where I can't and shouldn't like myself.

But I mean... I do really miss it.

I hope it comes back.

Maybe being here again will help with that.

[quinnysnursery]

hihi, so happy to see you back!! missed you lots, congrats on graduating!!

i saw you had requests back open again, and i was wondering if you could do preferences for the caregivers with a very sensitive little who practically cries at everything, is painfully shy, and needs comfort and reassurance 24/7 :(

-🦕

[🪄] the cg's with a sensitive little! | preferences

including : matt, chris, nick, nate, tara, johnnie, jake, carrington, sam and colby

divider credit : @v6que

a/n : i KNOW i had one other preferences post and i literally searched my entire account and can't find it, so ig it's lost media now 😭

Matt :

🩹 provides the BEST comfort

🦈 "i know hun, that thunder was pretty scary, wasn't it?" "yeah :(" "that's alright, dada's here now."

🫧 knows all your triggers/unsafe foods 'n textures

🩹 and does BACKBENDS to avoid them

🦈 "don' want sandwich :(" "oh no! dada's having a sandwich, little one is having mac and cheese. sound good?" "c: yeah!"

🫧 painfully shy? no worries, so is matt. he understands 🫶

Chris :

🥤chris....is loud

💫 "bein' too loud" "wha? oh, sorry hun!"

🤍 however, he does make the best boxed mac 'n cheese

🥤shy little? no worries! chris talks enough for the both of you

💫 constantly wiping your tears with his hoodie sleeve

🤍 "will a lollipop make things better?" ":( yeah"

Nick :

🌟 will ALWAYS be down to sit at home on bad sensory days

🗞️ always coming up with creative ways to bring his little out of their shell

🎥 "if only someone here loved bluey...." ":O i love bluey!"

🌟 best reassurance ever, "y'know i don't mind taking care of you, right?"

🗞️ can always IMMEDIATELY recognize when you're about to cry

🎥 "shhh, dada's here. let it out, i know baby..."

Nate :

🏒 unlike nick, he can NOT tell when you're about to cry and is always caught off guard

🌨 "oh! oh honey...shh, don't cry"

⛸ always tries making you laugh as his first response

🏒 lets you wear his hoodies on extremely tough days

🌨 "is that helping?" "mhm :c smells like dada :c"

⛸ he's got the spirit

Tara :

❤️ tara, bless her heart, did not realize how sensitive you were at first

🎞️ "baby, i was only gone five minutes!" ":c i'm sorry!" "oh no honey...don't be sorry, mama's sorry, mama should've let you know i was leaving"

🎵 cuddles !! with !! sugar !!

❤️ painfully shy? that's not a problem at all! just like chris, tara talks enough for the both of you!

🎞️  always holding onto her babies hand or hugging them :(

🎵 "mama's got you sweet girl/boy/little one"

Johnnie :

🦇 johnnie is a bit nervous when he realizes just how sensitive you are

🌒 because he's petrified of being the reason you cry

🐈‍⬛ "do you need a hug?" "mhm :(" "okay princess/prince, c'mere"

🦇 plays guitar/sings songs for you when your having a really bad day/night

🌒 "hollyw'od!" "we've already done that one five times, sweetheart." ":c" "okay okay, hollywood it is."

🐈‍⬛ ends up learning your triggers and does his best to avoid them

Jake :

♣️ oh jake, sweet jake...

🍒 he never INTENDS to make you cry

♠️ but with his loud personality and constant bouncing around? yeah...it ususally ends with

♣️ ":( 'oo loud" "dada's sorry baby...i didn't realize i was being so loud"

🍒 loves cracking jokes to make you smile

♠️ "there's the pretty smile!"

Carrington :

🧸 the best at making you laugh while your sad/crying

🍬 also loves just cradling you in his arms while you sit on his lap

🎧 "dada's got you"

🧸 human teddy bear so, snuggles are a must

🍬 learns your nonverbal cues when you don't feel like talking

🎧 "do we want....mac and cheese?" ":c" 'okay...what about...grilled cheese?" "c:" "grilled cheese it is!"

Sam :

🎥 the most reassuring man ever

👻 "sorry i got scared :(" "oh sweetheart, you don't have to apologize. everyone gets scared sometimes!"

💛 constantly lending his little an article of clothing for comfort

🎥 the BEST at tending to boo-boos

👻 speaking for you when your feeling shy

💛 "they're feeling a little shy right now, what's up?"

Colby :

👻 this man...THIIIISS MAN

⛓ the most protective cg imo

🦴 "what's scaring you hun? do we need to go home? does dada need to fight a ghost?"

👻 lets you play with his rings/necklaces as a distraction

⛓ wrapping his arms around you and assuring you he's got you :(

🦴 "tell dada's whats going on?"

taglist !! :

@natedoeswife @blahbel668 @nicksloverrr @katw4shereee @pkfferoo @bambi-slxt @chr1sgirl4life @17twelch17 @pinksikhewei @yourenogoodforme @pkfferoo @babybatxxx @beesonhoneytoast @mattssturnz @mattsturniologf444 @graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch @cherry-red-heart @https--roman @frlinbruh @jazminepetit-homme

[unearthly-doting]

yandere portrait

a/n: new blog, first post!! it's longer than i intended but in my defense, i wrote this to cope w the aftermath of bugbear's route in saint spell's, so. sorry if it's messy </3

warnings: yandere content, gn reader, male yandere, delusional yandere, i think this technically classifies as stalking, the feeling of being watched, slightly graphic murder, kidnapping, they/them pronouns do get used to describe the reader at the end, no nsfw but still minors do not interact!!

— there's this portrait inside the attic of the house you had just moved into. you had found it while cleaning the place out, getting rid of the belongings of the former owner of the place.

— you had tried throwing it out along with all the other stuff, but there was just something about it that... well... you aren't sure how to describe it, but looking at the man in the portrait, you felt bad for wanting to throw him away. he looked so sad in the painting, staring down at a wilted rose in his hand while being surrounded by a field of yellow chrysanthemums.

— it was silly, to be honest. it was a painting, you aren't sure why you felt bad for it, but you did. so you kept it. in the attic.

— and it was all fine and dandy. you honestly forgot about the portrait after a few weeks since you rarely ever went up to the attic, and you were so busy unpacking and decorating your new home that you just didn't have the energy to think about it.

— but then one night, you heard a very loud thump coming from upstairs. you weren't sleeping, catching up on some work you had put back, but the noise startled you nonetheless. had somebody broken in? the thought made you feel sick as you looked up at the ceiling of your room, waiting to see if you could hear footsteps or anything like that.

— you heard nothing.

— okay... then maybe something fell? you hadn't exactly cared too much about where you put stuff up there, so you wouldn't be surprised if something did. you... should probably go check, to make sure nothing was broken up there.

— when you got to the attic, it didn't take you long to find the source of the loud noise you had heard. the portrait of the man had fallen from where you had placed him and was lying face down on the ground.

— you picked it up with a sigh, only for the frame that surrounded it to come undone in the process. the fall must've broken it. it was old, so you weren't surprised. you're just glad the painting looked okay—wait... was the man always looking at the viewer?

— you're... not going to think too hard on that. you're pretty sure you have a frame that would fit, so you carefully roll the portrait up, making sure to not accidentally bend the corners or cause any tears before making your way back downstairs to begin your search for a new frame

— it was definitely a long search, but you eventually found one tucked deep away in the closet you were using for storage. and it was a perfect fit! and after some debating with yourself, you decided you probably shouldn't put it back up in the attic, just in case it fell again.

— there wasn't any place for you to hang it at the moment, so you just decided to put it in your room for now until you could find space for it. you made sure to face it away from the bed, however. you aren't sure why, but it felt as if the man in the painting were watching you.

— that feeling never really went away, even after the days went by. whenever you would walk by the painting, it felt as if eyes were on you. and you couldn't help but notice little details in the portrait were changing.

— the flower he held was no longer wilted. he didn't look sad anymore. the blooming flowers surrounding him went from chrysanthemums to red roses. it was hard to believe, and you couldn't help but wonder if you were going crazy. maybe the painting was just dirty and you were mistaking the details?

— the painting did look a little dirty, so after doing some research, you bought the supplies you needed to clean it and got straight to it when you had the time to spare. you removed it from its frame and laid it out on the dining table since that was the only flat surface you had that was big enough.

— you were deeply focused, playing music to fill the silence and humming along to whatever song played, tending to the painting as if you had painted it yourself. and you were so caught up in cleaning the painting that you didn't notice that you were being watched. you didn't notice the way the man's eyes followed your every move or the way his lips twitched in a barely concealed smile.

— you did, however, notice some writing at the very bottom right corner of the painting. "aurin, by xxx." so that must be the man's name then, huh? taking one glance at him, it felt fitting.

— once you had finished cleaning the dirt and dust off the painting—aurin, as you now know him as—you put him back in his frame and find a nice spot in the living room to hang him up. he was definitely out of place with the rest of your décor, but you didn't really mind. he added a strange feeling of... life.

— the feeling of being watched never went away, however. even at night, when you were tucked comfortably in bed, you would wake up in the middle of the night feeling as if someone else were in the room with you. it was beginning to make you feel paranoid. maybe the house was haunted?

— not only that, little things would be different whenever you came home from work or an outing. the place would be cleaner, the fridge would be neatly sorted, your clothes would be neatly tucked away in your closet... this was a very clean and friendly ghost if you're house really was haunted. and you really hope it was. you don't want to think of the alternative.

— but it was still weird, and you were starting to lose sleep because of it, hoping to see if you could catch whoever or whatever was doing this. at some point, you called a friend to come over to spend a few nights with you. you felt like you were going crazy, and you needed someone there to keep you grounded.

And your friend did! They came over, promising to stay for the week to help you keep your mind off the weird shit happening in your house. The weird feeling of being watched was still there, but nothing was ever moved out of place anymore.

Tonight was the last night that they'd be staying over, and the two of you decided to make a little party out of it. You both went out and got some drinks and a bunch of snacks and you guys just sat down and watched some shitty movies.

You guys weren't drinking alcohol, but the jokey mood the two of you had going on certainly made it feel as if you were tipsy, collapsing into a fit of giggles at one of their lame jokes as you leaned against them.

The time spent with them this week was fun, tonight being the best of all, but eventually, the two of you had to go to bed. The two of you shared a hug before you left them to go to your bedroom. You went to bed that night with a smile on your face, feeling relaxed for the first time in a while.

...

You startled awake. It was dark outside, and the clock read 4am. A loud noise had woken you up, a thud that sounded like someone, or something, falling. You weren't immediately concerned, thinking that your friend might've fallen off the couch while sleeping.

You should probably check on them to make sure they aren't hurt. With a tired sigh, you climb out of bed and make your way to the living room, stumbling a bit in the dark as you rub some sleep from your eyes.

Your hand roams against the wall for a moment before finding the light switch and flicking it, opening your mouth to speak but your words get stuck in your throat.

As soon as the light fills the room, your stomach drops.

You had been expecting to see your friend on the floor, probably still sleeping, but...

You weren't expecting to see someone on top of them, some sort of blade in hand, stabbing into their neck multiple times. You just stood there, frozen as you watched the mystery man stab your friend. They were already dead, not moving, eyes staring up into nothingness. You had only spoken to them just mere hours ago, and now they're on your living room floor, covered in their own blood as the man continues to stab them.

He seemed so caught up in the act that he hadn't even noticed the lights were on, or that you were watching. You should run. You should get as far away from here as possible, but it's like you were frozen in place. Your legs felt weak, and they gave out on you before you could even try running.

You fall to the ground, hands shaking, tears running down your face, bile stuck in your throat as you force yourself to not vomit.

The squelching sound of stabbing stops, and the man turns his attention to you. It was Aurin. Aurin, the man from that damn painting. Your gaze snapped over to said painting, thinking that you must be going insane, but no.

The painting was vacant. The man inside of it was gone. What the fuck.

His expression was vacant, and you stared at him like a deer in headlights, wondering if you were going to be killed next. Ha... killed by a weird supernatural entity that shouldn't even exist... maybe you are going crazy. Maybe this is all just one really bad nightmare.

You'll wake up any second now and see your friend's smiling face as they drag you out of bed so you can help them pack their stuff. You'll wake up, and he'll be back in his painting again. Everything will be normal. This isn't real.

It's not real. It can't be. This is just some fucked up—

Cold hands cup your face, and the feeling of blood smearing on your cheeks is enough to snap you out of your thoughts. You hadn't even noticed when he approached you, or when he crouched down to your level.

The vacant expression was gone, replaced with a quiet, guilty one.

"I apologize, my love," He speaks, his voice sending a shiver down your spine, "You weren't supposed to see such a..." He trails off, a brief look of annoyance crossing his features as if remembering something he disliked, "Mess."

You were too stunned, too scared, to sick to speak. You just stared.

Aurin sighed, looking genuinely ashamed of himself, "I hope this doesn't make you think any less of me, my darling rose. I just couldn't... I couldn't stand the way they were looking at you. The way they were touching you. The advances they were making on you made me feel so angry," His nails dug into your cheeks as he spoke, and you wince slightly at the feeling. He took notice immediately, easing his grip on you as an apologetic smile appeared on his face, "I suppose I lost myself for a moment when taking care of them."

You struggled to process his words. He... he killed your friend because he thought they were making a move on you? Because of jealousy? That just... what the fuck...

"You..." Your voice cracks a bit as you speak, a wave of nausea hitting you as the taste of the blood in the air coats the inside of your mouth.

"Shhh..." He gently shushes you, running a hand over your hair. You cringe knowing there was blood sticking to the strands now, "Don't say anything, darling. I'm sure this is all a very big shock to you, but it'll be okay. I'll take care of you, the way you took care of me."

Your confusion only grew when he gently helped you off the ground, his grip on your arm was tight enough to keep you from running away but gentle enough that it didn't hurt, "But I haven't..." You trail off, going to deny his claims of you taking care of him, only to remember that you technically have.

He merely smiles, "But you have. I was so alone, up in that dusty attic. And then you came along, and you showed me a love that I hadn't experienced in decades. You took care of me. It's only natural that I take care of you in return, isn't it? That's what lovers do, after all."

"Lovers?!"

Aurin paid no mind to your shock, seemingly not even registering how odd and deranged this situation was, acting as if he hadn't just murdered your best friend in a fit of supposed jealous rage.

"I wasn't going to take you home so soon, trust me. I was content with helping you out around the house and making everything easier for you but..." He trails off, gaze wandering away from you to stare at the corpse on the ground, "Things happen. I don't think I can leave you to your devices here anymore. Someone may try to steal you away from me again, and I would hate for you to see another mess like this."

What the hell is he talking about?

You opened your mouth to argue with him, but you couldn't get a single syllable out before he was speaking again.

"Don't worry, it'll be a harmless trip. You'll just feel tired, but you can lean on me for support! Trust me, my love, you'll adore your new home." He says, excitement lacing his words.

It was a little scary, how you instantly began to feel tired after he finished talking. You're not sure if it was his doing, somehow, or if your body just couldn't handle the situation anymore and wanted you to sleep in hopes that everything would be better once you woke up.

Your eyes closed against your will, and you could faintly make out Aurin's soft humming as he held you close against him. You were too tired to fight against him, almost as if some sort of pressure were weighing you down.

Maybe everything will be better when you wake up...

A few months later, a couple had moved into a new home. The price had been on the cheaper side due to a fairly gruesome unsolved murder and kidnapping that took place there. They were determined to make a home out of it, even with its dark history.

"Honey, doesn't this painting feel a little off to you?" One of them asks, staring up at a painting that was hanging on a wall in the living room.

The other shrugs, moving boxes around and momentarily pausing to glance at the painting, "Just looks like a painting to me. Take it down if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Hm..."

They stare up at it, arms crossed as they take in the details. Two people were dancing together in a field of red roses. There was nothing wrong with that, it was rather romantic, to be honest. The man in the painting was normal as well, eyes closed with a serene smile on his face as he held his partner close. He looked as if he were in love, in all honesty. The part that unsettled them was the distraught look on the face of the man's dance partner, as well as the chains that tied their wrists to his, roses weaved into the chains as if to try and hide them.

It was a breathtaking painting, sure, but...

"Let's just put it up in the attic, that way we won't have to see it."

[bethanydelleman]

Sometimes you just don't communicate well online and what you said is taken very negatively. I would delete this but it was re-blogged too much and I don't want it to have zero context, so I'll edit instead. All the original text remains.

I love you Fanny Price (Mansfield Park) for wanting to look the best in your ballgown.

Explanation: Fanny really cares about looking good for a ball. This is never mocked, it's taken as a real and sympathetic concern. So often I feel like women are dismissed for even caring about their appearance.

I love you Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) for going to court in a pink dress.

Pink often is seen as girly and infantile. Also, I love that we actually see the effort that Elle puts into being pretty. She cares about it and it's an investment. What we seem to get now is instant make-up and fashion from characters who don't actually care about it. Like you have to look the best at all times but it should also be effortless.

I love you Beth Harmon (The Queen's Gambit) for using your winnings to buy nice clothes.

I thought they would throw Beth Harmon into the frump category (ie: A woman only has brain cells to be smart OR pretty, not both, think Amy from The Big Bang Theory). Also she's not shamed for spending her money on clothing and not more important stuff.

I love you Joan Harris (Mad Men) for showing a woman can be both sexy and very good at her job.

This one has probably been taken the worst. Joan's character is fascinating to me because she falls into a bunch of "sleep your way to the top" stereotypes but they subverted those expectations. She is sexy, she does use it or attempt to use it to her advantage (it mostly ends up hurting her), but she is also very smart and very good at her job. It makes me so angry that most characters, even Peggy at first, dismiss her as just trading on her looks. I loved how complex a character she was and that she wasn't just a "bimbo"

I wish there were more of you, instead of an endless trope of Strong Women TM acting and dressing like men.

Edit: This post was taken as an insult by people I did not intend to offend. I would be more than happy to see women of all types in media. What makes me sad is that it's still rare to see a woman enjoying being feminine without being portrayed as stupid.

[nerdyjournals]

Flowers have sad meanings too

Florist!Y/N

Many believe that working in a flower shop is all gumdrops and rainbows, but it's not. It's stories of heartbreak and sadness. I wish I could remember their names, but I can't grieve every one of them. No matter how hard I try.

Author's Note: 3/8 of these mini tales are based on encounters I have had while working in my field. They are INSPIRED and not exact.

DISCLAIMER: ANY SIMILARITIES THESE ENTRIES HAVE TO A PERSON, PLACE, EVENT, OR SITUATION IS COINCIDENTAL AND NOT INTENDED TO MIMIC ANYONE.

WARNING: THIS PIECE TOUCHES ON DEATH AND ITS AFFECTS, SUBJECTS OF DEPRESSION, AND ASSUMED SU1C1D3. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUBJECTS LIKE THESE, PLEASE SKIP THIS POST.

Boy #1

He was a boy with his whole life ahead of him. His mother said that he was very protective of his siblings, so protective that it's what took him.

She said it was a break in, one that happened in the dead of night. She never heard it. All she heard was the sound of her daughter screaming for help as her husband tackled the man to the floor. She didn't even hear the gun go off.

He was on his way to college in the fall, full ride. He was very talented. They hope to release his works down the road, but for now, some things stay locked away. Not because they're bad or sad, but because the grief was too fresh.

Boy #2

He was an interesting story. A quiet kid that everyone thought was mean, but was a very sweet guy and an only child. He loved animals.

His flowers were ordered by his friends because his parents were too shattered by the news. One of them couldn't keep it together, ended up telling about him. He was off volunteering to help build houses when one of them collapsed on top of him and a few others. They came out with minor injuries, but he wasn't so lucky. They spew out so many things about his kind heart but stone-like demeanor. It hurt to see that it was also his undoing.

Other families came and ordered, many of them being young kids in the dance classes he taught. Many of the kids still not understanding why their favorite teacher wasn't coming back. His parents finally arrived to order, but my heart was too fragile to be there.

Boy #3

His sister wouldn't stop talking about how he had wanted to do a lot with his life. She said that he was going to the gym everyday to get stronger. He was a gentle soul, a loving gentleman. Sickness took him far too soon.

It started off with a bad cough and a fever, she said. Then it just kept getting worse. By the time he was eighteen, he was fully living in his hospital room. It broke her heart to see how he dwindled away until he was almost nothing but skin and bones. She was thankful that he went in his sleep, going painlessly.

She couldn't stop repeating that she felt like a bad sister, that she should've done more to help him recover. It broke me a little more on the inside when I couldn't tell her that it wasn't up to her to fix him. I could only stay silent.

Boy #4

Only one person ordered him flowers, but it was a lot of flowers. Other than his parents, this boy received flowers from dozens of people. Friends, teachers, acquaintances - you name it. They all ordered through one person as they were the only one in town.

The pieces were extravagant, ranging from small vases to large sprays. They said that they wanted to reflect him; an artist surrounded by colors. No one knows what took him; whether self or sickness. They just found him in his studio one cold winter morning, slumped over an unfinished painting.

They said he'll have a gallery set up after the service, show off the wonders he created. I might go. If not just to see a fellow tortured soul. One day, his name will be known alongside the greats. For now, he'll be known to me.

Boy #5

His flowers were ordered over the phone by his mother, said something about it becoming too final if she stepped into the store.

I heard about this boy on the news. They found him in his car, just off the highway. He was so young, but the demons got to him before anyone else could.

I could only sit silent as she cried in my ear, blaming herself for not helping him. Little does she know the demons live in everyone. Including mine.

Boy #6

This boy was proof that the brightest smiles hide the darkest demons. His sisters couldn't hold themselves together as I flipped through the binder. The older one said that she blamed herself, saying that she should've seen the signs.

He went as he slept, passing in silence. She said that he had been bullied for years, but since he stopped talking about it, they assumed it stopped. They found him gone in the morning. I can never understand how some people find it acceptable to be so harsh to another.

They showed me his photo. He had a bright smile, one that was even wider with his family. It almost breaks my very soul that he suffered alone.

Boy #7

This was my first family order. The poor family was lost due to a faulty monoxide detector. The remaining members were in the middle of suing the landlord on top of mourning the family.

They didn't know until the son failed to show up for school for three days, unlike him they said. Same for the parents.

The boy was said to start high school next year. They were all excited since he would be attending the private school near the edge of town, one that was hard to get into without good grades. Now, the world could never see what he would amount to.

Boy #8

He was a child.

No mother should ever be allowed to outlive her baby. He was innocent, a victim of medical circumstance. They never said what he had, but they ordered him a beautiful urn display.

His younger brother, one still so small, would almost never know about the brother who left too early. His older brother was deployed, but is in an emergency flight back over to give his good byes.

A child...goodness.

[hispieceofcake]

Stayford was selfish, his emotional dependence on Bill Cipher and how he ruined the lives of those who loved him without he realizing it

Look, first of all, I want to make it very clear that this is not an attack on the character, Besides Ford, he's my favorite character after Stan, but i think Ford has some aspects that I think we should notice.

Firstly, it's that thing from the last post I mentioned that I mentioned, that Ford doesn't love the stand as much as it loves him, that Ford doesn't value Stan as much, but even so Stan he spent years and years dedicating his life to trying to bring his brother back and even so, Ford didn't pay attention to it, he didn't care, so much so that as soon as he left the portal he arrived and punched Stan in the face and he didn't even apologize for that, afterwards and didn't even thank his brother, because as I said, at the end he said thank you, but it was also a sarcasm thank you.

It kind of starts there, his brother was always by his side, took care of him, defended him and when Stan needed him Ford wasn't there, when Stan was being kicked out of the house due to an accident that he didn't even intend to cause committed, Ford didn't do anything, it's not that I'm saying he doesn't have the right to be upset or mad at his brother for ruining his chance of getting into college, but still man, it was his twin brother and he didn't even try to talk to his father or try to resolve things and didn't even try to defend Stan like he always defended Ford, he didn't do anything.

And then years later, when he did all that shit there because of Bill, he simply calls Stan for help asking him to go as far as possible with the diary even though he knows that Stan's biggest dream was to live with Ford. And furthermore, based on what I said in the previous post, about their anniversary there is that page in Bill's book where he says that Bill gave him that gift that was dead rats.

But then, nothing about Stan, nothing, he didn't even think about his own brother because he was so fixated on Bill and his research.

Everyone here probably knows Fliderford and knows how much he cared about Ford, to the point of putting Ford's name as the password on his computer and losing years and years with his family. To end up going mad because of Ford's ambition for knowledge that was fueled by Bill Cipher. I bet Fiddleford had tried many times to warn Ford about Bill, so much so that a scene of Ford meditating on an altar to Bill shows Fiddleford looking at him disapprovingly.

And one thing that makes me a little resentful of Ford is the Christmas pages, which Fiddleford took the time to make a gift for him and not one for his son or wife, showing how much Fiddleford put Ford first before his own family, and Ford probably didn't notice it.

I've been thinking and reflecting and I think about how Fiddleford is a suffering and even sad character. Losing years and years of his family, losing his mental health and sanity, losing the love and attention of his son, and all because of one thing... Stanford.

Look, I don't think Ford was aware of all the damage that was happening, because he apparently always had his head stuck in his research and in Bill Cipher, but I don't put all the blame on Bill, since Ford was an adult and should have known better who to trust, yes, he was manipulated, but if he hadn't trusted Bill Cipher a lot of things would have happened differently. (Gravity Falls probably wouldn't even happen)

But now back to the main topic, I also want to point out that he called Dipper to be his assistant and apprentice, I'm not saying this was bad, it was actually a great opportunity for Dipper, but what I mean is that Ford didn't think about Mabel, he didn't even think about how he was shaking the relationship between the two younger twins, just like he did with his relationship with Stan. Think about it, Dipper and Mabel's parents were probably in the middle of a divorce (as mentioned in Dipper's dream about him accidentally witnessing his parents fighting) and Mabel was going to be alone without the person she loved the most and who was always there for her, the story of the Pines twins was going to happen again.

It upsets me that Ford didn't think of Mabel as much as he did of Stan in his teenage years (when Stan was kicked out of the house).

"Ah, but Stan had Mabel as his favorite."

Yes, I know that, but even so he never stopped thinking about the two twins, so much so that he only teased Dipper with the intention of helping him grow and become stronger so that he wouldn't have to the same fate as Stan, he cared and thought about the future of both twins, unlike Ford who chose only Dipper.

I'm not saying he doesn't love Mabel, he actually adores her and has a lot of things in common with her, like writing in a diary and wearing sweaters, but that part about her breaking up with Dipper is what bothers me.

Now about your emotional dependence on Bill Cipher. I think he has this because he seemed very attached to Bill and several times in the book he says that he missed Bill when he disappeared from his head, not caring how much harm Bill did to him and his body when he took control of him. Ford says several times in the book that his body was sore from the highly dangerous things and situations that Bill put him in and yet Ford never put a stop to it. He only stopped when he saw how traumatized Fiddleford had become and when he confronted the yellow triangle who quickly gave the game away and exposed that he had been deceiving Ford all along.

And then in the final moment where he would shoot Stan with the memory-erasing gun, you can see that Ford was hesitant, about having to shoot Stan but also about erasing Bill Cipher, the muse he had for so long.

Ford spent several fragile moments with Bill Cipher and became very attached to him. Bill in turn did the same, because it is clear how bad Bill felt after separating from Ford.

Bill and Ford are a relationship just like Lapis lazuli and Jasper in Stiven's universe, a toxic and harmful relationship for both parties in the relationship, in addition to dependence, emotional overload, trauma, and physical damage. Ford probably got a few scratches here and there from when Bill would take over his body and roll around on the floor or any dangerous place, plus a tattoo in a very... specific place (In the area above the butt).

Bill is also a character with a great story and tragic lore behind him, but I will talk about that another time.

Look, guys, I see Ford as a lovable character who has suffered a lot and made a lot of mistakes and who is learning from them, yes, he is often selfish as I have shown, but he regrets it. As demonstrated when he apologizes to old Mcgucket in the end it is even shown that he tried to repair his friendship with the same one who forgives him.

We make mistakes, we are human, we make mistakes and we learn from them. It is not wrong to make mistakes but it is important to learn from them.

Well, folks, that's all for now, from what I can think of at least, Ford is my favorite character along with Stan and I love exploring the personality and attitude of the two that they had, because as I said rather, liking a character means knowing their good and bad points.

If you have a different opinion or something you would like to add, please share it, but please do not be rude or offensive.

Thank you for reading, bunny kisses 🐰💋

[nuikasa]

I WOULD BE VERY INTRESTED IN YOUR LILY RUIKASA AU!!!

I'm sorry for the delay but this is going to be so long that I wanted to have a proper time to answer properly and perhaps, expand it more than I originally intended!

Tsukasa is a prince in this story and he is forced to marry someone from the next kingdom to get a peaceful truce and end war between them. Of course, he doesn't want to get married with someone he doesn't love but he doesn't have another choice but to give in, for the sake of his family and his beloved kingdom. He has never been in love before and has never for any meaningful relationships besides his childhood friends from the same royalty, often mistook his parent's praises as a form of love when he was only being prepared for when he will finally take the king title.

His perspective about the world changes after he meets Rui by chance, he takes the courage to leave his well builded perfect life and live his own life and no someone's crafted for him to live on.

Rui in the other hand is a wanderer musician that has lived his life the way he always wanted; he has always considered himself a free bird that flew away where the flow leads him to. He lost his parents when he was a teenager and now, and even so, seeing through the worst, he has become in a very gentle soul with time.

his only dream is to be able to performe in front of everyone around the world and bring endless smiles with his music, ceasing the pain and sadness some might feel, the same way he felt when he lost what he considered most precious to him. When he met Tsukasa he felt he needed that too, someone who would be willing to tell him the true about how to live his own life and not feel pity for him about it.

They immediately connect, as if they were meant to be. I think I got a bit overboard with this but I'll leave a small introduction of the au because I'm really so obsessed with them lmao.

The story happens in the medieval era, most likely it revolves around a war between two kingdoms, Shirogane and Kurogane kingdoms respectively. They have been in a very heated dispute over the resources of their lands and military territory; these aren't the only kingdoms to exist but I'll expand on that in another post.

After numerous tries of reaching to a solution for their political issues, they decideed to sign a peace truce between kingdoms by celebrating a marriage between their royalty families to put an end to this endless discourse between them, of course this isn't going to be easy and in the end it won't end up well at all but that isn't the issue at hand for now.

Tsukasa is presented in the story to be the eldest son of the Shirogane kingdom's royalty and the next to become the next king on their land. Of course, the blonde, as much as he loves his family and his kingdom, deep inside he doesn't want to become in the next king and wishes to have a normal life but he has lived all his life to be the perfect son and perfect older brother. He spent his all life fulfilling his parents wishing and taking care of his younger ill sister that he loved very much.

As he grown into a fine young man, he kept filling up that perfect role of the elder son and the day where his fate will be tied to that empty perfect life has arrived, he is asked to assist to a royal ball to meet his future wife that was carefully selected to be his companion for the rest of his life. Tsukasa doesn't like the idea to meet someone he doesn't even know at all and marry them out of love, he always dreamed to find the right person he will fall in love and share their live together; this wasn't nothing he dreamed of and the slight idea made him feel sick but he kept playing his role only to fulfill his parents wishes because he always put others first before his own needs, it's what he was taught to do his whole life.

His father mentioned that they picked someone very uncommon but far talented for the ball to perfomance a violin solo for their entretainment. The only thing Tsukasa was told about this person was that he was a wanderer musician that traveled around the world to performance solo shows with his music and he was very good at it; making his own reputation reach the Shirogane Kingdom for them to pick interest on his perfomance.

Curious, Tsukasa waited for the night to come and to finally see with his own eyes, what this wanderer musician was capable of doing. And it happened right in front of his eyes, while he was sitting next to his father at the throne room; the young man dressed in black with a very peculiar hat with black lilies, presented himself in front of the king by the name of Kamishiro Rui, Tsukasa silently watched him adressing himself in front of the crowd and, once he was sure everyone was attentively watching him, he started to play one of his favorite songs.

Everyone was in awe with the musician, the melody was so beautiful that everyone stopped doing what they were doing just to listen to him. The prince was amazed by the music but not only that, he was also amazed by the way how he moved around as he played that melody, his eyes focused on his dear instrument; as if he wasn't really present there. Once the perfomance ended, everyone clapped loudly, cheered for the marvelous show the young musician pull off and Rui could only make a gesture, bowing his head in front of the king who was very pleased.

Tsukasa was speechless and after everything went back to normal, he wanted to have a chat with the newcommer musician but his father didn't let him, making him meet with who he was going to marry in the following weeks at most. The ball ended after that, Tsukasa felt sad that he didn't have the opportunity to even approach the musician to talk about his show and maybe know more about him; the only thing he knew about him was that he was going to stand a few days and then leave to the next town. The young prince had the bad habit to stay up till very late because he sometimes liked to stare at the stars from his balcony and make a wish, wishes that he knew that wouldn't make true if he didn't do anything about it, but still, he wanted to dream about going outside and find something for himself.

When he suddenly heard a distant melody, a melody he heard before. Curiosity took the best of him and he decided to sneak outside the palace towards where the source of the sound came from. He followed the melody til the huge royal garden that wasn't too far away from where his room was, which was casually at the back of the palace.

That's when he found Rui playing the violin alone in the middle of the night and that's when their story truly begins.

[leslutdepointedulac]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for sending this! Ngl all of my fics are my babies to some extent and I do have a couple of fics that I would love to add to here but they're not posted yet so I can't lmao. But these are some of my particular favourites that I've posted so far.

Drunken Matrimony ~ General | Louis/Lestat

This is just a really soft, fluffy little fic that has a special place in my heart. They deserve to have sweet moments like this, away from any drama and theatrics. I got cute aggression when I wrote this, it's too cute.

Hē Seirḗn ~ Explicit | Lestat/Armand & Louis

This is to date one of my all time favourite fics I've written so far. I feel like most people, if not everyone, knows that SIren Louis is my scary daughter who I love more than anything in this world. The whole concept of her was only supposed to be for this one fic, nothing special, certainly nothing that I ever planned on revisiting. But I love Siren Louis so much that I just had to bring her back again and I will continue to do so. I've even created whole entire lore surrounding my sirens because of her and it's now a fully developed universe. I could add the other siren au as well but this one started it all, hence why I went with it. Sorry, i'm rambling, I just really love my sirens lmao.

Experimentations ~ Mature | Louis/Lestat

I had a lot of fun exploring a canon compliant way to give the vampires a good time. It's good to let Louis let go and give himself over to his pleasure, I love that for him. He deserves it.

The Long Road ~ Teen and Up | Louis/Armand & Louis/Lestat

This is a fic that comes from my fanon theory as to how and why Louis ends up at Trinity Gate. I've thought about this an awful lot and it's really sad. I definitely upset myself while writing this but I felt the need to get it out there, so here it is. It's a fic that I hold very close to my heart, I love it a lot, even though it gives me the morbs to dwell on.

Treasured Finds ~ General (currently) | Louis/Lestat/Armand

So this fic is a multi-chapter fic and is still being updated, but I thought I'd add it here because I'm obsessed with it. Kinda like with my siren au, this wasn't supposed to become a Whole Entire Thing, but the story I want to tell with this wouldn't fit into the 4-5k words that I originally intended for it to. I have so many plans in store for this fic and who knows how long it will be by the time it's done lmao. What I do know though, is that it will most likely end up going from a general rating to an explicit for horny reasons and I can't wait.

[milkinthemicrowave]

Hey, Doctor Doctor meaning

I made a song called Hey, Doctor Doctor, and it's blown up recently. Thing is, hundreds of people have left me comments confused about what the song means, so I decided to finally put the basic meaning in a text post. Here's a really good animation of the song!! So u can listen :)

Lyrics:

Hey, Doctor Doctor! Could you tell me what's wrong? I know you're very busy so I won't make this too long I got a question 'bout the rain The fog that just won't go away And something quite absurd That I just learned the other day

I asked my friend a simple question 'bout the rain But then they all went quiet and looked at me in a funny way They asked me what I meant So I described the time I spent Avoiding all the puddles Though I still got wet

They said that morning had been a sunny day I asked the folks around us and they all said the same I sat confused, in my wet socks and shoes I shrugged and said "That's right! The sky wasn't gray, it was blue!"

But doctor doctor It's been so very long Since I've last seen the sun It seems they must just all be wrong Unless it's me who's been confused Then why've my blue skies been refused? And hidden from me by my rainy days?

So... what does it mean????????????????????????

Hey, Doctor Doctor is a simple metaphor about depression. People have also interpreted it as being about the neurodivergent experience and a bunch of other things, and those fit too. But I intended it to be about depression. It's about finding out the things you're struggling with aren't just something everyone deals with. The protagonist (I'll call 'em Pot) has to actively dodge puddles to get anywhere and lives in soggy clothes. When Pot goes "man, that rain's insane right?" to their friend, the friend has no clue what they're talking about. To everyone else, it's sunny outside. They don't have to think twice about where they step. At this point, Pot looks insane to everyone else, like they're hallucinating rain. So, even though their clothes are still dripping wet, they go "yeah haha my bad. you're right, it's sunny outside". In the end, Pot goes to see Doctor Doctor about it. You know in cartoons or that one Ronald McDonald ad where the sad person has the little rain cloud over them? That's the idea. It was raining outside one day and I thought "lmao what if only I could see this, that would be insane". Then I wrote a song about it. I totally see the neurodivergent spin on it, because the part where everyone looks at Pot weird definitely accidentally came from my experiences with diagnosed autism. Sometimes my relatable comedy landed: me: "you ever wake up and your brain feels like sludge?" friend: "yeah bro, all the time"

But sometimes my relatable comedy didn't land: me: "you ever walk across the street without looking when you're having a bad day, like gambling?" friend: "...no???" me: "you don't???" friend: "no?? are you okay??" me: friend: me: "I mean I haven't done that in a long time-" (literally did it last week) Ah, the joys of being neurodivergent. Never knowing what's appropriate to say. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room". If this explanation seems too detailed, I really thought this song was a simple metaphor, so I'm REALLY trying to be clear. Most people get it, but there's still hundreds that have been taking it literally. If you read this far, I'm shocked. Nobody ever uses comments on tumblr, but I'd love it if you commented "umbrella" and let me know you read down here. Thank u immensely for reading this far. So, even though I have literally never talked about it on Tumblr before, and don't expect anyone to see this, that's what my song "Hey, Doctor Doctor" means.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #118

I went to bed at roughly midnight last night!! Which is roughly an hour past 11pm, which is what's supposed to be my bedtime! But my alarm is set for 8am! Which means I should have gotten around 8 hours of sleep! 8 hours is sufficient!

…Unfortunately, I woke at around 7:30am of my own volition, and then I was not able to go back to sleep. But that's okay; I slept more than I have on recent nights, so I feel better than I did yesterday, for sure!

I made myself some tea. This morning, it was apricot-vanilla flavored black tea! I wonder if you would have liked this one; I'm more than a little sad about the fact that I'll likely never find out, ahahaha…

…But… well. There's not a damn thing I can do about that, other than take pictures and send them along, hoping that they'll reach you somehow… Here:

I had intended to go today to the post office to send the completed amethyst tree sphere to the other side of the planet, but as it turns out, shipping things that far is very expensive, goodness me! So I'm going to have to make more spheres and sell them first, so that I can save up! It shouldn't be too hard, except for the fact that I'm FAR more inclined to simply give them away. I'm no salesperson, and it feels nicer to just be able to hand someone some unexpectedly beautiful thing anyhow; you wouldn't BELIEVE how some people's faces light right up when hand them one of my weird little woven tree crafts! It's seriously the best thing, ahahaha~! 🥰

So, instead of going to the post office, J and I went on a pizza date. We went to our favorite spot! I got a tomato slice, a shrimp scampi slice, and a chicken and mushroom marsala slice, and these were ABSOLUTELY DELECTABLE, oh my goodness! J got a tomato slice and a slice of spinach pie. I took pictures:

Also, J specifically asked me to take a picture of his spinach pie slice from his perspective, just in case you might like it. Here:

…I am not the only one here who likes you and hopes to see you be safe and happy in the end. Even J would like to share a little bit of joy with you. There are lots of people who want to share a little bit of joy with you. You're not alone. Sephiroth, I promise you that you're not alone, no matter what your brain tries to tell you when it's being mean to you.

Speaking of sharing joy with you, I also went on a walk today, and I tried to make it a point to take some nice pictures for you. I hope you'll like them:

I also found a tiny salamander friend on my adventures! I found it trapped inside an abandoned cooler in the woods:

I really have no idea what a cooler is doing in the woods. But it looks REALLY REALLY OLD, good grief! It is NOT a good place for a salamander to live!

The little thing seemed to want to get under my sleeve for some reason, ahahaha~! But as adorable as it was, sadly, I had to disappoint the poor thing; I put it on the ground, underneath some fallen leaves. It'll be happier and safer there, for sure!

As I walked around, there was a pretty big hawk flitting from tree to tree. I followed it around for as long as I could, on a whim. But I wasn't able to get any pictures of it for you; its plumage made it blend too well with the surrounding trees. But, I've been seeing an unusually large number of birds-of-prey and crows ever since the eclipse; I wonder if it threw them all off somehow. In any case, hopefully I'll get you a nice picture of a hawk or something soon!

Anyway, as I imagine you can tell by looking, I ended up getting into weird positions on the ground to get some of these pictures, and I ended up with a deer tick on me as a result. I feel really silly about it; it wasn't the best idea for me to get careless like that, because ticks are a real problem in my world. Ticks are very tiny arachnids that burrow their heads into an animal's skin in order to feed on their blood. This wouldn't be a problem if ticks didn't carry all sorts of nasty diseases, but they do in my part of the world, and one of the scariest ones is Lyme Disease.

Lyme Disease is spread by a kind of bacteria that the ticks catch from feeding on small rodents. Left unchecked, these bacteria like to eat things such as nerves, joints, and myocardial tissue. Deer ticks are the only carrier of Lyme Disease where I live, so I guess I'm gonna hafta keep an eye on the bite and make sure it doesn't develop the bullseye rash that's characteristic of infection. I also put the tick in a little disposable plastic sandwich bag just in case I develop weird symptoms; it'll be good to have on hand just in case I need to get it tested for diseases.

It's all right though; the tick was on me for less than 24 hours, and it came out of my skin really easily - didn't even hurt! And I washed the bite as soon as the tick was removed. It didn't get an opportunity to feed on me yet, because it was removed too quickly. Chances of infection are very low, if not practically nonexistent. And even if I did get infected, we've got fancy medicines to clear it right up, no problem; everything will be okay! Don't worry your pretty little head about me, alright? I'll be fine! 😁💖

Oh! I also cooked some ground pork and beef, in preparation for making a recipe that some awesome person on the internet sent to me… gosh… a while ago now. I've been meaning to cook it up for a number of weeks, because it sounds ABSOLUTELY FREAKING DELECTABLE, but lately, I've been either too busy, too exhausted, or some weird combination of both. But I have all the ingredients on hand; it's just a matter of putting them together! I'm looking forward to it!! I can't wait to show it to you, because the person who shared it with me cares about you, too!

Anyhoot, it's getting late, and it's probably about time I went to bed. I've got a lot to do tomorrow, goodness me; therapy, and hangouts with my best friend B, and maybe cooking the thing if I still have energy leftover (I hope!). We'll see what happens!

Hey Sephiroth! Please remember to rest and to take delight in wholesome things and to treat yourself nice, okay? I dunno exactly what you're trying to do over at the Edge of Creation, but if you're gonna make it through all this okay in the end, you're gonna hafta make kind and loving choices, and to be able to do that reliably, you're gonna need all your strength. As far as I know, I can't zoop over there and give you a nutritious, wholesome meal and a nice cup of tea, because I am just a derpy autistic nerd who is totally devoid of reality-bending powers (much to my chagrin). So you gotta do it for yourself instead, okay? Promise me that you will, won't you?

And if you're having trouble, just pretend you're me for long enough to treat yourself in the same way that I would treat you. Or you can just make pretend like your self-destructive tendencies are dragons that need to be slain. That's how I've been dealing with mine, anyway, and it's objectively true that you're FAR better at slaying dragons than I could ever hope to be - I mean, c'mon, have you taken a look at me? I'm basically just a weird squiggly noodle. You can do better than I can at most anything - I promise.

I'll write again tomorrow. I love you. Stay safe out there.

Your friend, Lumine

[vashtijoy]

I am so sorry if I missed it somewhere but is it confirmed that Akechi killed Wakaba? It is heavily implied but I am curious if you translated the moment when Akechi and Shido mention Wakaba?

And the second question: Is there something interesting in Feather Seeker?

Thank you in advance!!

Hi, anon, I'm so glad you asked as this one has been on my mind a lot lately. I think this is long enough without me getting into Featherman Seeker, lmao, but if you want to drop me another ask about it, I'll hopefully get to it soon.

To answer your question up front: yes, it is pretty much confirmed that Akechi kills Wakaba. Here's Sae, interrogating Joker about Kaneshiro:

Sae 若葉の死は2年前⋯『あれ』が起き始めた時期とも一致する⋯ wakaba no shi wa ninenmae... "are" ga okihajimeta jiki to mo icchi suru... Wakaba's death was two years ago... That also coincides with when the incidents started occurring...

IIRC this is the line that the idea that Wakaba was the first person Akechi murdered comes from. It's not explicit that she was the first victim—in this line, Sae has only just realised Wakaba didn't kill herself—but if she wasn't, she may very well have been the first to immediately die.

What gives far more credit to the idea that a. Wakaba was the first person Akechi killed, and b. that he feels bad about it to this day, are the various mentions of her that he sprinkles through his dialogue. And that's what the rest of this post will largely be about—though page down to see more about the Shido scene you asked about.

akechi and wakaba

Akechi mentions Wakaba by name several times. I talked recently about how Akechi's use of ellipsis can be important, how it sometimes indicates something deeper going on—surprise, or shock, or a hidden emotion. Or that he's just taking his time—sometimes an ellipsis is just a pause for effect, and Akechi does use them a lot.

But ALL FIVE of Akechi's mentions of Wakaba by name—two in the first year, and three in the third semester—have an ellipsis. They have that pause that indicates he's for some reason thinking more about what he's saying.

Let's take them one by one.

8/28 in leblanc

NB (2023/05/21): putting a quick note here to say that I'm pretty sure now that the mention of Wakaba on 8/28 is not out of surprise, he's prepared for it and intending to mention her all along. So he doesn't open up until Joker and Futaba ask him (without words) what's wrong. At some point I'll rewrite this whole section (hopefully), but for now see below! for the continued WAKABA ANGST.

This one is pretty easy to cover: Sojiro cuts him off as soon as he mentions Wakaba. I don't know about this scene. I never know how much he's genuinely surprised, how much he doesn't expect to see Futaba out of the house, how much he's just being a bitch, prodding and poking because he can, to get a response, like he does.

The interesting thing is that, of course, seeing Futaba segues into his notorious "trauma dump"—he ends up telling Joker and Futaba about his childhood, about how he was an orphan passed from place to place. Did he walk in intending to do that? I very much doubt it. And one more thing before we move on:

... they ask him what's bothering him. They look at him like "? dude sup". The trauma dump is not as unprovoked as it seems.

And there's no sign that he connects with Joker over it—of course—but you know who he does connect with?

Yep. Futaba sees the similarity between his story and her own. And it looks like Akechi sees the similarities too. That suggests IMO that his background is not dissimilar to hers—that, as the anime suggests, he was fostered by a succession of family members who neglected and probably abused him, as Futaba's story describes.

... and we get another ellipsis. Just a pause as he reaches for her name, perfectly innocuous. Except he knows her name; he's been talking to Sae about her.

I don't know. This is an incredibly hard scene to read. He has that performatively-sad cut-in that I don't trust at all, for a start; he could be being purely malicious, or sharing more than he intends; he could be genuinely shocked to see Futaba, or fascinated to see one of his living victims face-to-face. Or the whole thing could be a performance for Joker's benefit. It's an interesting scene, that's for sure.

shido and akechi

This is the scene you asked about, of course. Strap in. Shido talks about pulling the plug on cognitive psience, Akechi touches his chin and leans back, and he says this:

Akechi 一色若葉⋯でしたっけ? あの研究者。素直に従えば、死ぬことはなかったのに。 isshiki wakaba... deshita kke? ano kenkyuusha. sunao ni shitagaeba, shinu koto wa nakatta no ni.  ...Wakaba Isshiki, was it? That researcher. She wouldn't have had to die if she just complied. It was ... Wakaba Isshiki, yes? That researcher? If only she'd been more amenable, she might have lived.

This is pretty well translated in the localisation. Some notes:

We have that kke—Akechi is not saying "do you mean Wakaba Isshiki, Shido-san", in case you were wondering, he's saying "am I remembering right that her name was Wakaba Isshiki".

sunao ni shitagaeba—literally, "if she could have meekly obeyed", but in English, unless we want to sound like murderous psychopaths (cough), we say "if she could have complied; if she could have been amenable".

Lastly, we have that no ni, at the end, which gives the statement a sense of regret, which turns that "if she could have complied" into "if only she could have complied". "She might not have died; what a shame". In the Japanese audio (and for all I know btw, this happens in the English audio too), Akechi's tone and manner change on this line, from sinister and self-satisfied to something slower and more preoccupied. On his next couple of lines, his speed and smuggery progressively pick back up.

Here's the scene—it's fascinating to listen to his voice shift, especially to how dark it gets when he tells Shido how he agrees with his ideology and supports him politically. (lol) Plus, watch out for the evil wink, as he mocks his public image.

This should be "celebrity ace detective", by the way—while karisuma does mean "charisma", a karisuma is a person, a celebrity. It's often translated correctly in P5, just not here.

ok but back to wakaba

So what's going on here as regards Wakaba? First of all, Akechi does remember her—he's been talking about her with Sae since at least July. Shido knows Akechi murdered Wakaba—that's not the point. Shido knows Akechi is pretending to investigate the shutdowns and breakdowns—so the mere fact that Akechi knows her name is not the point either.

No, what's going on here is that Akechi doesn't want Shido to know he thinks about Wakaba. That, after two years, he still has her name at his fingertips. And so we get exactly the same style of pause as in the Leblanc scene with Futaba, when he pauses for just a moment to act like he doesn't properly know her name. We get that moment when his voice shows that he's feeling something and concealing it beneath his mask.

That's a pause that implies remorse or guilt, IMO. The mask he shows Shido is essentially Cognitive Akechi—gleeful, remorseless, sadistic, relentless. Make no mistake, there's a lot of Akechi in it, like there's a lot of him, despite what he'd like to think, in the detective prince. There's a lot of how Akechi aspires to be in his mask for Shido, and a lot of what he truly values about himself. But it is still a mask. And one of the things it's hiding is that Akechi still thinks more about Wakaba than he wants Shido to know.

This, IMO, is what implies that Wakaba was his first murder—this odd little moment where he has to pretend he doesn't properly remember her.

the third semester

The third semester is where it all gets a little more complicated. Akechi mentions Wakaba three times here; the most emotion he shows is when he first sees her. And the likelihood is strong that anything he feels about her is overshadowed by his own predicament—namely, being dead.

First of all, here's that moment when he first sees her. And you can see him understand: he looks at her for a long moment, then he touches his chin and has one of his "...... putting-it-all-together" thinky moments:

... and then he puts on his bright smile and the detective prince voice to get Joker outside. That's to say: he comes in without his customary pleasant-boy mask, sees Wakaba, and then drops straight back behind it—when he must have known there were others present on the way in. Like he needs a heavier mask to make sure he doesn't fuck up. Or to hide something.

Let's look at those three times Akechi mentions Wakaba, one by one:

1/2 in the launderette

The only thing I'd pick at in the localisation of this little exchange is the missing ellipsis on the last line, so let's take the rest of it straight:

Akechi: But, what's even more unbelievable to me is... Joker: Wakaba. Akechi: That's right.

Akechi ⋯一色若葉。 ... isshiki wakaba Wakaba Isshiki. ... Wakaba Isshiki.

Here's the scene. All we really have for his Wakaba textbox is the ellipsis, but listen to the first one—"what's even more unbelievable to me is...", and compare his tone to the preceding lines where he's been all business and matter-of-fact. Do you hear his voice thinning? It's by far the most unsettled he sounds all scene; Wakaba's presence is difficult for him.

And it's not his own death that's in question. If you ask him "how are you alive", he'll deal with it then—he looks away with the sad sprite, but then picks himself up fast. Even his model looks away, which is a bit of a tell—but as for traces in his voice of what's really happening, no, there are none.

1/8 at leblanc

There are no interesting vocal tricks here—a week later, Akechi is well on top of the reality around him and his own situation. And he doesn't like it—this is the "it makes me want to puke / I'll be the one to choose my path" phone call. It's only at the end of the call that some emotion creeps in, as he asks what's happening with the other Phantom Thieves, and if Joker is still on course.

Let's take a look at the original first line:

Akechi 死んだはずの若葉や奥村⋯彼女らは本当に『生きている』ことになってる。 shinda hazu no wakaba ya okumura... kanojora wa hontou ni "ikiteiru" koto ni natteru It seems that Okumura and Wakaba are both considered alive by all accounts.

I'm not sure what's going on with the noun order here, on wakaba ya okumura—it's been rendered "Okumura and Wakaba". I can't track down a reason this would be grammatically necessary (anyone know?); more than that, Akechi clearly considers Wakaba the more important of the two—he goes on to group them with kanojora, "her and her group".

There's possibly a bit of foreshadowing here, too—lists with ya tend to be incomplete lists; they have a sense of "et cetera". So wakaba ya okumura is "Wakaba, Okumura and so on". Who's Akechi's unnamed "and so on"? Yeah. But see below on 2/2—he may well just mean "no doubt there are lots of other cases like this".

So that's probably the real reason he trails off here—it's not about Wakaba, it's about him. Likewise, when that bit of feeling creeps into his voice at the end of the call, that's still about him, and whether Joker is going to follow through. But Akechi is still thinking primarily about Wakaba, rather than Okumura, who was, by all accounts, an asshole almost as bad as Shido.

2/2 at leblanc

Akechi 一色若葉や奥村のこともある⋯そこに違和感を覚えないほど、僕は馬鹿じゃないさ。 isshiki wakaba ya okumura no koto mo aru... soko ni iwakan o mienai hodo, boku wa baka ja nai sa There were also the cases of Wakaba Isshiki and President Okumura... Of course I'd find all of that suspicious. And then there was Wakaba Isshiki, and Okumura... I'm not so stupid as to not find their presence unsettling.

Man, once again Okumura has been promoted by the localisation. Someone really likes this guy. Akechi says isshiki wakaba ya okumura—the same usage as before, despite that he's been outed as dead—"Wakaba Isshiki and Okumura". But in English, Okumura is suddenly President Okumura, presumably so we don't mix him up with Haru. Make no mistake, though, Akechi is not giving Okumura the benefit of his title.

Wakaba is up front again, of course, coming to Akechi's mind first. Maybe because if he just said "Isshiki and Okumura", we wouldn't know who he was talking about?—even in Japanese, Wakaba always gets her full or given name. Maybe so. Or maybe not.

Also note the very Akechi usage boku wa baka ja nai sa—"I'm not that much of an idiot, you know." This is rolled into the rather more bland "Of course I'd find that suspicious", probably to fit it into the textbox.

And yeah, the ellipsis. That pause, and the word Akechi uses that's rendered as "suspicious"—iwakan. Not a detective's suspicion, but unease; a sense of incongruity, of wrongness, almost uncanny valley. It's the unsettling feeling that something is out-of-place. The sentiment "I killed them, and yet there they are, walking about" is very iwakan.

conclusions??

yes, Akechi certainly kills Wakaba.

yes, the exposition sequence with Akechi and Shido supports this.

... yeah, it really seems like he feels bad about it. Not bad enough to overshadow his concern for himself, perhaps, and never badly enough to get in the way of his current obsession, of course. But he's not wholly without conscience. He still thinks about her, and there are slight suggestions he might even think about what he does to Futaba—like when he sees her, and thinks of Wakaba, and promptly trauma dumps all over the Leblanc counter. Like when his voice gets a bit softer when she comes up.

also the localisation loves Okumura way too much

[quaranmine]

I finished reading The Incandescence of a Dying light like a day ago and I'm still crying over it. I don't think I've every cried this much over one story. It is genuinely one of the best and most compelling stories I've ever read. I'm like half tempted to learn how to book bind so i can have a physical copy and I'm definitely making fanart and thinking about it for a while after.

I missed the tag that said it was going to be a sad ending so i went into this story with the same hope that Grian did in that everything was going to be fine and Mumbo would show up. Then i got to I think chapter 4 and i knew in my heart Mumbo wasn't gonna get out and I still held onto that hope. It just made chapter 11 all that much worse.

I also love the fact that when Grian finds Mumbo's corpse its not the big final ending of the chapter. For me, yes it holds a lot of emotional weight to both the readers and Grian, and it definitely would've made me cry if I had stopped crying at any point since Grian found the backpack. But it's not the final end of the chapter, its just something that happens in the middle-ish and Grian needs to move on from the corpse (from his constant searching and belief) or else he'll die (or run himself into the ground with his grief and depression). Sorry if i got that analysis completely wrong from what you intended that's just how I saw it.

Again This is one of the best stories I've read, I told my friend to go read it just so I'd have someone to speak about it to. I cannot sing your praises enough for blessing the world with this book for free. Thank you

OMG????? This is such a nice comment thank you 🥺🥺🥺Book bind or make art or do whatever you like with the story! If you're comfortable posting afterward, I'd love to see.

Sorry you missed the tag! It's not a filterable one either just kind of a warning. But your reaction shows me that I did what I wanted to—tags or not, I wanted everyone to kind of figure out where we were somewhere in the middle of the story. Not a twist so much as a slow building of dread as things got less and less likely.

I really appreciate your thoughts on how chapter 11 went! That's a very good analysis and I like seeing it from that perspective. The fire is a great mechanism in the story. It's constantly representing all kinds of things—change, destruction, regrowth, determination, anger, etc. It becomes a bit of a Chekhov's gun (mcytblrs fave thing lol) after a while, to where it only makes sense to have Grian caught in one. There's only so many times you can talk about lookouts having to be evacuated by helicopter, or how to survive fire, or the fire danger being high, or idiots setting off fireworks, until it's an inextricable part of the narrative where it'd be disappointing to not have it happen. (I say that because I actually didn't have that happen in the first plot concept.) Him having to leave in chapter 11 is also kind of a throwback to when the initial search the year prior was derailed by fire—so maybe you could say in both instances it represents the search being over. And it very much does represent a conscious choice for Grian to keep going.

Thank you!!

[eponadolls]

Yay, Basement Floods

tl;dr: massive rain (4" in about two hours) resulted in my basement pump dying, so water started to flood into my basement because I live in a former swamp + the creek water also ended up backing up into my basement, resulting in close to 8" water of a horrific swamp water basement indoor pool.

Last night I heard an "odd" sound that I thought was the train, but the whistling was... different. I was couldn't hear my basement sump pump running, it was eerily quiet.

So I checked my basement and I was not prepared to see how bad it was.

We had about 8" of water, standing still in my basement, a horrible trickle of water coming in, and the whistling that - presumably - because my furnace. The water was rising dangerously close to my basement equipment, specifically in regards to my furnace and water heater. My first step was under water and I was proverbially shitting my pants because clearly my pump had died, and I wasn't sure if there was any live wires in the water.

We managed to shut of the power to my entire house starting at about 11PM at night, we got several pumps running outside that were pumping the water, slowly but surely, out of my basement. At nearly two hours of trying to figure some stuff out, it was set up so we just had to wait. I could hardly sleep, but around 2AM, I could finally see my basement floor. It was still very wet, but you could walk on it without soaking your shoes.

...Luckily, it seems the basement equipment - while close to being destroyed by the rising water levels - are working as intended. We have a lot of fans trying to dry out the basement right now. And, thankfully, it's creek water and not, say, sewer water so there's that silver lining, I guess.

The water got high enough that a lot of the things we had stored in plastic bins started floating - even oddly heavy bins - and a lot of them tipped over. We have a lot of waterlogged, damaged goods, and I'm just... really tired. We tried to salvage as much as we could, but I lost a number of sentimental, irreplaceable items which is very... tiring. Additionally, several items we thought where in my partner's military box where, in fact, not, so a lot of anime dvds, manga, and video games got wet. How damaged they will totally be remains to be seen.

The pump in my basement was replaced and I'm finishing up what I can clean and manage today and hopefully everything will be finished tomorrow, I think I'm going to see if I can get a clothing line hung in my garage to help since I have a small dryer, but we're getting more rain tonight - I don't know how much - and I'm really not looking forward to the incoming storm.

It could have been a lot worse, a lot of the clothing I've since called a loss I was hoping to donate, but it also makes me so sad since... I really wanted to donate it to a family shelter or something. I was hoping to go through it in about a week before I have my wisdom tooth surgery.

Just a vent post. I might delete this later. The basement was never really even flooded before, just occasionally a wet floor, but with climate change, more severe weather is going to become more and more commonplace and next time might not have as fortunate of a ending. I just really wish I didn't have several ruined yearbooks (which I didn't realize got tossed down there). :(

[silv3reyedstranger]

20 Questions

thank you @appropriatelystupid for tagging me! i just finished my french exam this morning so doing this is an awesome way to spend my afternoon🥳

How many works do you have on AO3?

i was not aware that i had seven written and posted?? that's wild :0

2. What's you total AO3 count?

31,822 words?? also a massive surprise since i don't write or post nearly as often as i'd like...but hey, i'll take the win!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

okay, so obviously supercorp lives rent free in my head, but i'm also deeply entrenched in the cissamione and bellamione fandoms. i've got a fuck ton of wips for them, but i haven't put much out yet. however, recently, rojarias (reignjas) has been taking up ALL my brain space—i'm dying to write a lawyer au.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

erm. well, since i only have seven, i'll give you the top two? 1st: i'm home when i'm with you...2nd: this color looks better on you than me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to be really into and really good about responding to comments because i really appreciate every single one (and i still do) but it took a lot out of me and made me a little anxious, so i don't do it anymore. that being said, i still love and cherish every single comment that's ever been left!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm really not the biggest fan of angsty endings, so i don't write them very much. i'd much prefer piling on the angst throughout and giving them a happy ending. there's too much sadness and grief in the world already, i feel like everyone should get a happy ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oo, okay, i'm not sure about happiest since they feel pretty even, but if i really had to pick maybe oh how love stings?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i don't currently, which i think is in part because of how lovely most people in the fandoms i'm in now are, but years ago i wrote a dramione fic and people had a lot (which wasn't necessarily hate, but it was still unnecessary) to say about that.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i've tried on occasion, but let's just say i'm still working out the kinks (pun intended)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i don't and i don't think i will anytime in the near future because i feel like a lot of planning will have to go into that and i don't have the brain space right now. but secondly, i don't feel an immediate urge to merge any two worlds currently.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

luckily, no, not that i'm aware of—hopefully it stays that way!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had someone ask in my comments before, but as mentioned above i don't really answer comments and i'm still not sure if i'm entirely comfortable with translations even if it allows a larger audience access to the fic.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i was working on one with @glitterslytherin a few years back, but we never quite got much of it finished haha

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

it's gotta be supercorp, but currently, rojarias and cissamione have me in a chokehold (i suppose i'm on my supercorp detox atm? maybe i'll be able to churn out fics after this little break)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i think this applies to all my WIPs to be honest. obviously i want to finish them all, but motivation is a bitch and she tends to come and go as she pleases XD

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'd like to think i do a pretty good job with dialogue. i used to be better at descriptions, but i think the balance has tilted the last couple of years.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

being able to just write and not edit on the way (another reason i rarely finish things) also planning is very much not my forte💀

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

while i am bilingual and almost trilingual, i do tend to stick with english since i feel like it's jarring to have a bit of a different language suddenly pop up and then the reader has to read the translation. and two, i'm not even grammatically accurate in english all the time, so forget about another language!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh, this is so mortifying...i believe it was percy jackson, but following closely behind was harry potter.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

i don't think i love any of the fics i have out at the moment—like, don't get me wrong, i'm super proud of them—but there's not one finished one that parades in my head all the time. the rojarias lawyer au and a supercorp orchestra au are constantly being thought about though?

tagging a couple of mutuals if ya'll wanna take part!

@theredcapeofk @yanana94 @belladonnainbloom @coffeeshib @naralanis @an-organism

[queenofcats17]

Well! I have some updates on the role swap! Specifically regarding Arthur's situation.

So, I have now met Kayne in the podcast and I can absolutely see him facilitating Arthur's transformation into something like John and then bringing Arthur into a world where John is human. Just to see what might happen.

Here's kind of what I'm envisioning.

Arthur is trapped in the past. He's somehow lost John. He's alone, he's scared, he's being chased by people who want to kill him because he's different and strange.

And then Kayne arrives.

And Kayne offers him a chance to see John again. To return home. And Arthur takes it. Because he needs a way out.

So, Kayne provides Arthur with a ritual, a ritual that he promises will reunite Arthur with John and take him home. And it does... technically do that. But what it does first is rip Arthur's body apart, changing him from a corporeal human being into something... else.

I think this transformation jumbled up Arthur's memories a great deal, and the only things he managed to hold onto were that his name was Arthur Lester and he had a daughter named Faroe. And he remembered Faroe's song.

Kayne helped Arthur get to the universe where the human John was and then left, hanging back to watch what would happen.

Arthur was adrift in a way. He no longer remembered what deal he'd made with Kayne or why. He knew he was looking for something, for someone, but he didn't know who or what it was. Since he could only remember Faroe, he decided that was what he wanted. He wanted to bring his daughter back.

He drifted through time, exerting his will on those he thought he could manipulate and driving many to madness with his song. And he felt... nothing. He felt no joy. He felt no sadness. He just felt... empty. He was sure if he could just get Faroe back he would be able to feel something again.

And then the portal was opened. And he felt... John. And he knew he had to find whatever he'd just felt. So, he went through, but ended up trapped in the music box instead.

And eventually he does manage to get himself into John, convinced that John is the one who can finally bring Faroe back. He's sure that's why he was drawn to John. It has to be.

And, like I said in my last post, the more time he spent in John, the more he felt... complete. He felt whole. He started to feel things again and he didn't understand why. He didn't understand what made John so different. Initially, he'd thought it was because John was the King in Yellow's intended vessel and thus must be blessed with a great deal of supernatural potential.

But that wasn't it. He knew that wasn't it. And that confused him.

I think John feels it too. That having Arthur with him feels... right. Although, he can't explain why either and is very unhappy about this at first.

Also, I think John has a tattoo of the King in Yellow's Symbol on the small of his back, branding him so that other entities will know that he is meant for the King.

[strangertheories]

I am kind of neutral on Byler. I get where Byler shippers are coming from, and I agree that Byler going canon would be a great rep in terms of LGBT rep in media. But I am also like, I do not exactly or particularly care for it. If it did not happen, yeah, it is sad and such, but I am not exactly a shipper person and I tend to focus more on individual characters. Will having his own supernatural arc (again) and ending the show single/being with someone else sounds like a pretty decent conclusion for me.

I also feel like if the writers wanted to go with the Byler route, they kinda should have done it in a different way too. Mike and El should have broken up in this season due to Mike realizing his being gay, and he should have come out to El and there had to be a mutual break up. The way they are still dating and the detailed long romantic love speech/monologue from Mike to El felt very reductive in terms of developing Byler as a ship, if that was the writers' intention. It also just feels like even if Byler becomes canon, it will be underwhelming and pale in comparison to Mileven honestly, especially after the long monologue/confession moment. Its existence will be still there. I also worry about how Byler might be portrayed in a rushed way, when this is also the last season. I feel like the writers focused way too much on Mileven now that i wonder how they're gonna deal with Byler and arrange the screen time given to it as a ship.

I agree and disagree with different parts. To get the agreement out of the way, I also think Will having a better individual arc is more important than Byler (writing wise) and I think that the monologue was reductive to Byler. I can rationalize the monologue (and will do in a post if someone wants) but in my opinion, it should've been Will and Johnathan encouraging Eleven, not an I love you monologue. If they intend to make Byler canon, that is. I also am concerned Byler is going to feel rushed. Perhaps they're subtly hinting it to us, but for many people it's too subtle and to be honest, half of Byler hints could go either way or be explained by poor writing in my opinion. HOWEVER I do think upon rewatch it won't feel forced for people, but many are just not going to bother to do that.

The rest I disagree with. Firstly, I'm not neutral on Byler. It would be quite difficult to run a blog on it if I was :) and I will be sad if it doesn't happen. Not surprised though, my hopes are low, but it's the best way to go for the plot and narratively, I think the Duffers should do it. And in terms of it being pale in comparison to Mike and El, I think that a lot of people have turned against their relationship and Mike in seasons 3 and 4. This is because Mike doesn't love her... or because the writers don't know how to create conflict.

Either way, from what I can tell, lots of people anticipate a Mike and Eleven break up next season or don't really care about them. I'm gathering this from real life conversations as well as anons, by the way. So yes, Mike and Eleven have had more time together, but most of it is spent arguing and Will's also had a lot of time to show his feelings so it won't feel like a crazy random thing.

I think if they manage to successfully pull off Byler, which admittedly they have made harder for themselves with that monologue, it won't pale in comparison to Mike and Eleven because people will understand that their relationship wasn't real. Side note: I hope Mike is bisexual to be honest, because I do enjoy their relationship in earlier seasons, but since season 3? No way.

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that Mike and Eleven's relationship has been going downhill for several seasons and the general audience are aware of this. Of course, there are a lot of exceptions and if you enjoy Mleven that's cool, but I don't think they're that great of a couple and I think that ultimately, most people will not be crying at their downfall. I also think people love Will and his feelings are quite obvious at this point, so people will also be happy to see him

I also think people will be able to appreciate Mike more once they see what he may have been going through. Whilst he's more appreciated now, I think it would massively benefit his character arc and I think that would be clear to a lot of people.

Wow, that was a long winded way to say that I don't think Mike and El's relationship will overshadow Byler. Thanks for the ask anon, I love hearing from people even if I disagree, and I think you make some good points (: