#this word was part of our normal vocabulary at some point

[azhamdrety]

I was thinking about the bits of languages that have become universal on the QSMP like no mames or que fofo and if we ever get the Germans I hope we get "Genau" because this word is so so satisfying to me. Perfect word fr, it's all round

[popponn]

call you later; 1.

notes: what if you didn't pick up their call? they left a voicemail, in their own ways. characters: isagi yoichi, itoshi sae, seishirou nagi. [ part 2 : rin, bachira ]

isagi yoichi

Probably felt a little bit sad you didn’t pick up. You are probably his first crush—and only, for a long time, maybe, and this boy is committed with capital C when he is into something—so don’t be too hard on him. Like, hey, his #2 after the soccer itself didn’t pick up his phone? Poor guy.

But like the considerate boy off the pitch he is, Yoichi will immediately give you a brief of what he wanted to tell you before leaving the classic note of ‘i will call you again later’. It won’t be overly long, as he prefers to talk to you rather than to the empty void of a voicemail. Or at least he intends so to seem polite and proper, until he stutters and tripped all over his words a little bit. It’s cute though.

All in all, probably one of the most normal guy from Blue Lock, as usual, and whatever sad feelings he had from getting his call not being picked up will be gone the moment he got the chance to talk to you. A little advice, just make sure to actually call him later—knowing you reach out to him as soon as you can will make Mr. Egoist pretty happy.

“Uh, so… are you busy? Wait—you are not picking up of course you are busy…” Yoichi trailed off with a nervous laugh. “But, so, anyway, about our promise to walk around Saitama, I was wondering if your schedule is free this Sunday? I got two weeks off Blue Lock but I kinda want to make sure we can do it as soon as we can, so if anything comes up—ah, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way!”

It took Yoichi a few seconds to gather his composure before he continued, “I mean, uh, yeah, I just want to do it with you soon. I will call you again so we can talk about it later! Work hard, or have a good time! See you!”

itoshi sae

First of all, how dare you. He is famous and probably have people lining up for his number while you get him punching your number and didn’t pick up. Just for that, Sae might throw a tantrum, albeit a silent one.

On a more serious note, he will raise an eyebrow honestly, especially if you are the type to usually answer. But he is pretty independent most of the time, so he will only left a few words on the voice mail. In some occasions, though, when he just calls for the sake of listening to you, he will feel a little bit down. You can cheer him up later—you should, actually. Sometimes talking with Sae requires advanced mind reading technique and when he is a little bit down or pissed you really have to use that skill. Because boy, this guy is pretty constipated emotionally.

So, end notes, just call him real soon, okay? He might act cold and tough but he is also someone whose favorite show is Chibi Maruko-chan. He won’t say much in the voicemail or act like it afterwards, but he might really wait for you to call back, especially if he didn’t hear anything from or about you for a day. Though, honestly, just call him back or answer his next call before five seconds so everyone could be saved from his scathing vocabularies.

“What do you want for dinner? I’m picking you up later,” Sae said without wasting a second. “Hurry up and decide, then call me soon, got it? And in case you are thinking of anything funny, finish whatever you are working on first, then call me as soon as possible.”

For a moment, it was as if he was done. Then, a few beats of silence passed and he continued, “…and honestly… nevermind. Just call me soon.”

nagi seishirou

Yeah, let’s be real—he won’t leave a note and just give up. He willed out energy to call you first and you asked more from him? Wow. The fucking audacity.

But, let’s say, he really really wants to talk to you at the time and is in a really really really good mood—it will be long, if only for the long pauses. He will speaks sparsely, like the personification of bullet notes, as he doesn’t really see the point in talking if you are not really there to begin with. But, at the same time, Nagi Seishirou is also a Blue Lock egoist and he thinks having you listen to his voice note for a long time is not exactly a bad thought.

In the end, though, he really just want to hear your voice, actually. So, sooner or later, he will end the note with a ‘call me soon’ and plays a few games while waiting for you. The guy really need to recharge whatever small battery he has with you, so you really better call back if you don’t want to deal with a pouty Nagi holding a petty grudge for three minutes. And come on, do it for Reo, dude has way too much on his plate already.

“Eh, why are you not picking up?” Seishirou started with a complain, before immediately staying silent for a long time. Clearly on purpose, rather than for trying to remember something. “…I want to talk to you, so call me later, ‘kay?” he continued, in the end. “Choki also misses you by the way. You love Choki, right? So you really better call me back.”

Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Oh, I also have something I want to show you. So, let’s meet up next week. That’s all. Later.”

[interstellarsystem]

Little Plural Things

Systems can present in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, being a system can be loud and obvious if you're naturally more overt and/or out about yourselves as plural. Sometimes, it can be quiet and barely noticeable, but still there--just harder to see. Our system is fairly obvious if we're unmasked, but there are still things that escape even our own knowledge when we're masking as hard as we can. Little things that to us, remind us that our system is undeniably real. This is a post about those experiences we've had with barely-noticeable signs of a system.

Not every system will relate to these experiences, some might feel similarly about a few points, some may have others of their own entirely, some might not know or not have anything like the experiences we mention, and that's all part of being plural. No two systems are mirror images of each other. This is a post about our experiences.

1. Handwriting

Recently, we've had it brought to our attention that we have different handwriting. We don't write with a pen/pencil often, but we were asked to fill out a worksheet for our psychologist recently. She told us that whoever in our system wants to contribute to it can, and suggested that we signify who wrote what in some way--to which we chose different pencil colours for different headmates. We took the worksheet home and put things on it depending on who was in the front and if they wanted to.

It turned out, that some of our writing widely differs from each other. Out of the 6 people who wrote on the sheet, most of them were wildly different. Rift and Martin wrote the most tidily, with Rift's writing looking more "proper" and "adult". I (Vince) apparently am not the best at neat writing but I managed to be better than what our "normal" writing is like from what we remember. Merlin wrote messily like he was writing very fast. Mystery wrote with very large letters with sharp angles that overall made it look like it was written by a child new to writing. Which makes absolute sense. It's not a child, but its hands in-headspace are bigger than ours and that was the actual first time it had written anything on paper since it got here.

Somehow, it took until our psychologist pointed it out for us to notice how different it was.

2. Vocabulary Choices

Something we are able to notice sometimes is how our vocabulary and sometimes sentence structure changes based on who is speaking. Some obvious examples are our British headmates substituting "bloody" for other words as an exclamation and the difference between what some of our headmates would call a "chip" or a "fry".

Other times though, it's more subtle. Sometimes there's certain phrases that will just have a word or two swapped out and it does tend to point toward who is fronting even if people do use multiple of these. Some examples are:

"I suppose" vs "I think" vs "I believe"

"Kinda" vs "Kind of" vs "Sort of" vs "Sorta"

"Recently" vs "A bit ago"

"Sleepy" vs "Tired"

"Lol" vs "Haha" vs "Lmao" vs a keysmash (Even though these are text-based they are quite telling.)

"Quite" vs "Very" (Speaking of the above.)

Getting more subtle with them, some other examples are:

"You know" vs "Y'know"

"Uh" vs "Um"

"Uh-Huh" vs "Mhm"

Sometimes typing is influenced too. The amount of em-dahses within the text, the consistency of proper punctuation, how mechanical the text feels, how many run-on sentences there are and even how much tends to be written in one message/post can all point toward different people being in control.

3. Accidental Accents and Inflections

While accents are usually very obvious, we're generally good at masking them. Generally.

Due to us living in Australia, our headmates with accents straight from London don't stick out too bad when they're struggling to mask, but they are still noticeable to those around us who know we're plural. Passerby on the street or people who don't see us often don't think much of it, but certain people we are close to know that a few people in our system find it harder to mask and can tell when they're fronting very easily because of it.

Even if we are masking our accents properly, some parts of the way we speak still come out. Some of us end sentences on a higher-pitch more often due to what our accent generally has us do and some end more on lower-pitch notes when speaking. Some of us put emphasis on certain syllables differently. There's lots of little things that go into language that make it hard to completely mask.

4. Food Choices

More of a noticeable one, but something we tend to brush off as "just a bad batch" when it happens. Some of us like and dislike different foods and drinks, some of us to an extreme degree.

Mystery hates the brand of juice we normally buy and thought that it might've just been past expiry (it was not) or just a bad batch of the juice, but they're consistently the only one who doesn't like it.

Rave likes spicy food much more than the rest of us because they have a harder time tasting it. I on the other hand can't handle spicy food at all and am worse with it than the others in my system.

Some of us favour different brands of food and some of us might like/dislike textures of food differently too.

5. Default Facial Expressions

Different resting facial expressions are something we hardly notice because we don't look in a mirror often due to dysphoria. What we do know though, is that some of us just rest our faces differently.

I look more stern and tired than others. I have a bit of an angrier resting expression.

Martin looks a little bit more anxious due to being an anxiety-holder, but he also looks softer and kinder.

Crowley also looks tired but has less of a stern look and more of an almost blank one.

6. Body Language

This is one we don't know too much about because we can only get knowledge on this from other people, but most of our headmates have a different "vibe" by the way they carry themselves.

I end up seeming to-the-point and business-like.

Martin reads as being very anxious even if he's not always.

Crowley reads as smug.

Mal reads as if he's planning something mischevious and silly.

We've been told that Filigree just reads as "gay".

We're not sure what actions make us seem this way, but some of us can be clocked by others around us as fronting without even talking first. I don't know how people do it, but it's something in our body language.

7. Clothing Choices

A few of us have different clothing choices--Crowley still wears sunglasses everywhere due to light sensitivity and wears dark colours, I prefer to wear button-up shirts as opposed to more casual things, Martin prefers hoodies that are lighter in colour and Merlin prefers to dress in pink and black and more fluffy textures.

We don't have too many clothes overall so to others it does just look like we're cycling through our wardrobe, and sometimes we are, but there's certain styles some of us tend to lean toward more than others.

---

Some of these might seem quite noticeable, and maybe they are if you know we're a system, but people change a lot so once again some of this is much more subtle than it sounds. People who don't know that you're a system hardly ever notice, and if they do they put it to "having an off day" and leave it at that.

We wanted to take some time to appreciate those little things we find it hard to notice, though. And maybe it'll end up helping some other system realise how unique they are as individuals and help fight off the imposter syndrome like these realisations did for us.

[cy-cyborg]

Earlier today I saw a video from Council of geeks on Youtube talking about how frequently and potentially overused swearing is in adult animation. It’s a great video, but I wanted to add my 2c to the conversation real quick.

I grew up in rural Australia in an area that is primarily inhabited by bogans, and if there’s one thing rural bogans know, it’s casual swearing. Australia as a whole uses the word “cunt” in almost the same way we say “mate” - in some circles “cunt” is seen as the friendlier option, and bogans take that even further. constant, frequent swearing was such a normalised part of speech when I was a kid that it was normal for our teachers in high school (which starts in years 6 or 7 depending on the state, and goes all the way to year 12) to swear at us. Not aggressively mind you, they just used the words casually, and the kids would swear at them back. It wasn’t usually an issue, even when they were trying to be an asshole.

Despite this, even I find a lot of adult animation’s use of swear words a bit jarring at times, and I think Council of Geeks put the feeling i’d had about it into words very well: it’s the way a lot of these shows draw attention to it, even when it’s supposedly normalised.

The people back home can hardly get through a sentence without swearing at least once. at least. I use the word “fuck’n…” the same way other people use “umm…” and I know someone who named their dogs “sick cunt” (or “cunty” for short) and my own dad named one of my childhood dogs “fugly” (short for fucking ugly - that was his legal name my dad put on his adoption paperwork from the shelter). when these words are used so often, they do loose their impact, and you can tell they have by the way we all use them around there. If you’re going to use that same kind of frequent “bad” language in your work, you need to acknowledge it too. that’s where a lot of shows who try to emulate this way of speaking fall over.

As funny as it is to say, Spongbob was right when it called the obvious stand-ins for swear words “sentence enhancers” - that is usually the goal of words like “fuck” and “shit” when not used in the context of their literal definitions: to put emphasis on what’s being said. You could say “This traffic is SO slow!” or you could say “Fuck! This traffic is SO fucking slow!”. You could say “are you kidding me?” or you could say “Are you shitting me?” - in both these cases, the addition of the swear words emphasises the rest of the sentence and the emotion behind it.

But when you are swearing every other word, they stop working that way. “this traffic is so fucking slow” is a lot less impactful when that’s the 5th time you’ve said some variation of “fucking” that conversation. So when people back home swear, it’s just a filler word. there is no emphasis, there’s not heightened emotion, nothing. It’s a normal, standard part of speech that is so common and normalised, it sounds weird to people back home when you don’t use it. I’d go so far as to say it get’s the same kind of reaction from people back home as if you were speaking with flat affect (I’m saying this as an autistic person who took a while to warm up to swearing like that, with autistic friends who spoke with very little tone or expression).

phrases like “ah get fucked cunt” are an honestly very casual and friendly phrase (no, I’m not exaggerating) said the same tone you might use to say “nah I don’t feel like [whatever the topic of conversation was]”. honestly I tried to give some more examples, but it’s extremely difficult to demonstrate over text. Australia has a pretty big film and TV industry though, so if you want some examples of what I mean, watch some Aussie TV (look for anything with an MA or R rating, anything under that and they will likely limit the use of “foul language”) especially anything set in small towns or the bush or find rural aussie creators online.

My point is, If you want to have swearing and cursing as a part of your regular vocabulary in your setting, you need to treat it like it’s actually normalised like any other word. If you wouldn’t put emphasis on words like “house” or “dog” or “car” then don’t put that emphasis on words like “fuck” and “shit” lol.

[angstywaifu]

The Lost Sister - Part 33

Synopsis: Xaden is known as an only child due to his sister who 'died' during the Rebellion. Little do they know she didn't die and has been so close this entire time.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Ophelia Riorson)

A/N: Little bit of a shorter part today, but I've not had the time to work on a one shot fic this week. I will probably only be posting Lost Sister for the next bit. I'm very close to the end of the Fourth Wing part and I really want to smash it out and then focus on Dahlia and one shots before moving into Ophelia's story for Iron Flame. So get ready for all the Lost Sister! The Lost Sister Masterlist | Masterlist

“So she has a book that might help?” I ask as I stand in front of Garrick and Xaden at the leadership table, which is surprisingly empty at the moment

”I think so. It was some book of Fables her father left her and it had some cryptic note in it for her. From what I saw on the pages it talks about some ancient kingdom and a Great War amongst brothers to control magic. I’d place money on it being a good starting point for your signet after what Carr and Melgren have let slip.” He says as his gaze drifts to Violet who sits with our squad.

”So go get us this book then.” Garrick says teasingly, as if its the easiest thing in the world.

Xaden shakes his head at him as he rolls his eyes at him, his gaze still focused on Violet.

”It’s not that easy.” He mumbles as he picks up his fork and stabs at his breakfast.

”Maybe if you just admitted-” Garrick starts before Xaden gives him a pointed look.

I open my mind to Xaden and feel the mix of anger and… oh god. Fucking mated dragons again. This phrase was becoming a normal part of my vocabulary with these two. The anger had come from Garrick’s words, but as I reach out towards Violet I know exactly where the other feelings were coming from.

”So that’s what the new armoire was for.” I tease as Xaden shifts his eyes to me, a silent warning to shut up, probably knowing I can read his emotions right now.

”Oh you should have seen the mess.” Garrick adds, joining in on the teasing.

I feel Xaden’s anger and annoyance flair at Garrick’s words. He knew exactly how to push Xaden’s buttons.

“Can you two just shut up?” He asks in an attempt at a commanding tone.

”And where would be the fun in that?” Garrick muses as Xaden returns to his food.

Xaden barely takes two bites of his food before he’s choking and spluttering on it, Garrick pounding on his back before grabbing some water. I turn around to see the entire quadrant staring at Xaden, but over at our squad table Violet is grinning at Xaden and I know instantly she was the cause of Xaden’s choking. Fucking mated dragons. I turn away, leaving a still slightly choking Xaden and a laughing Garrick behind, to find the one person I need to see before the day ends. I catch a glimpse of pink hair disappearing through the doors leading to formation. I rush down the dais stairs, pushing through a small crowd of cadets also heading to formation. Breaking through the crowd, I spot the pink hair disappearing around a corner.

"Imogen!" I call out, managing to catch her attention as she turns to look.

”You’re up to something.” She tells me as I catch up to her, falling into step as we walk to the Rotunda.

”Don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say shyly, already being called out.

She just shakes her head and laugh. “You are. You get the same look in your eye that Xaden does.”

I go to object but the look she gives me has me shutting my mouth. She’s probably right.

”Fine, you’re right. But you can’t tell anyone. Think you can find me some hair dye?”

@riorgail @going-through-shit @fw-gt @bbkissme99 @xceafh @leptitlu @came-to-laugh-but-cried @onthewaytotimbuktu @daardyrnitta @lovemesomevesey @mxtokko @krowiathemythologynerd @callsign-blue @1islessthan3books @side-angel @wolfbc97 @just-an-ace-elf

[lolaandthens0me]

Hey Lola! I love your posts and content! I gotta ask this: What has your Poly Journey looked like for you, and is there anything that I should be mindful of within my own journey?

Salutations Anon! And thank you for the kind words.

Wow, what a fantastic question! It has been quite the journey filled with much love, some heartache, an abundance of patience and growth, and real hard work in self-awareness and compassion...along with more than a smattering of fun, fuckery, and so.much.travel.

My journey began with a quiet aching within my heart and unsettledness within my gut. I think I've always known that I was polyamorous and bisexual, but I've not always had the vocabulary to express that. I am a being with an extraordinary capacity to love, and although I had so much love within my marriage (and still share with my ex), my heart was calling for more. There came a time where I felt that if I didn't make a change, the real person I was inside was going to be gone forever. The part that makes me Lola. I believe that I was put on this Earth to love, to share my body, and to share my heart and empathy in order to help others learn how to heal and love themselves.

The first step was to learn how to communicate honestly, even if it meant hurting someone I loved. I read books and blogs about how to be an active communicator instead of a passive one. And then I practiced. I surrounded myself with wonderful friends who listened, pushed me to speak my truth, and helped me figure out just what is was that I felt I was missing, I was being called to pursue, and they supported me, every step of the way, in who I was becoming.

Then I had to learn how to ask for what I want. This is a lesson that I continue to relay to all of my friends and partners. I have learned how to compassionately, but confidently and with kindness, ask specifically for what I want. One way that I continue to do this is by being very upfront about who I am and what kind of life/relationships I want with any potential play partner/kinky friend/partner...the people that I want to be my whole, true, unedited self with.

I also had to do the hard thing. After months and months of therapy, couple's therapy, open, honest conversations, time spent alone and together, trials of compromise and an open relationship to a degree - I had to say that I wanted to separate. I was married for almost 15 years at this point. That was one of the hardest days of my life. But I felt caged, frail, like the color was being completely drained from me. They say that it takes a good 2 years after a separation/dissolution/divorce to get your life back to something normal again. I have not quite made it to that mark yet...but I believe that's true. My ex and I chose to rewrite a new chapter for our relationship, to write our own book, to remain friends and in each other's lives...and wow, has that been hard. But I am so fucking grateful and happy that we've done that work. And we are in a wholly different, beautiful place.

Now for the fun, but also tricky part...I began forming new relationships. I think I've always known that I would be someone who would want and thrive with a Primary partner. I was lucky, my Primary partner, RY, was a friend first, and grew very organically and beautifully into more than that. We both made a promise to each other very early on that we would keep checking in and evaluating the health of ourselves, our processes of getting over a breakup, and the state and wellbeing of our relationship as it blossomed and grew into what it is today. As long as we were both still growing individually and encouraging each other into happy and healthy people, then we would continue growing our relationship. We communicate openly and honestly about everything, we have been patient in allowing one another the space to mourn the loss of our marriages with empathy, and we have taken our time to rebuild ourselves, bringing our best selves to each other. It worked out that he also was looking to explore polyamory. We're both still new at this, but we talk about and work through every growing pain along the way.

Then along came my other partner. She and I had a connection right away. Our close friendship naturally grew into something more. She and my primary partner were also friends, and honestly, I think that really helps. It is just amazing to see the two of them talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy being around each other, and they both reach out to one another in their love for me. I was always clear about who RY was to me and what our relationship was, and so that helped lay the foundation for my second relationship. I check in a lot with her to make sure that she feels loved, seen, and heard, and that we have enough time in person together. It's fantastic that we can be things and do things with one another that just simply don't fit into our other relationships.

I have learned what my boundaries are (and the fact that I actually need boundaries) within myself to ensure that I remain intact and wholly my own, as well as a giving, loving, deeply connected partner. It was important for me to live by myself right now, not something I've ever done before. I made this choice for the past year because I know my codependent tendencies and I wanted to break out of that mold. I still struggle sometimes with not giving all of my energy to those I love. I must save some for myself and I have found ways to replenish that energy. Time and energy; I'm still learning how to balance these within a polyamorous life.

I continue to work on approaching every conversation with empathy and an open mind and heart. I continue to keep searching within myself and bring that self-awareness to my relationships. I continue to push myself to see a different way and live a different way. I continue to surround myself with open-minded people that see me, know me, support me, and love me in this new life I'm creating. I continue to take time to be by myself and breathe. I continue to search out new opportunities that challenge me and fulfill me. I continue to be a student of life. And I continue to lean into love.

I love you @resonantyes and @hbananer - thank you for this life.

[thefreakydeaky]

After the Thrill is Gone

Part Fifteen

Negan Smith x Reader

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Modern AU

Summary: From the first moment you laid eyes on Negan you were inexplicabley drawn to him. The passion between you is hot and only grows more intense the longer you see each other. There is only one problem, you're both married to other people.

Warnings: Dark Fic , Rape/Noncon, Violence, Stalking, Stalker behavior, Smuttyness, Adult Language...

You chewed on another antiacid tablet as you pulled up into the parking lot at Hunter's school. To your surprise, you received a call that morning from the Principal, Father Moser about some behavorial issues that Hunter had been having. You could not believe this was happening. Hunter was your good kid. He was a rule follower, who thrived in a structured environment. Hunter was the kid that called people sir and mam without having to be reminded to. He was the kid that helped you around the house because he simply enjoyed being helpful. You couldn't imagine what he could be doing that was bad enough to have the principal ask you to come in for a meeting. Daryl arrived nearly at the same time you did, parking his old suburban next to your midsize suv. You got out of the car. Daryl got Millie out of her car seat and the three of you headed up to the front office.

"Any idea what this is about?" He asked you as you sat waiting on a bench outside the primary office.

You shook your head.

"I don't have the slightest idea. He's been acting normal."

Daryl nodded.

"Yeah, I think so too."

"Mister and Misses Dixon." The old man's voice, held warmth in it as he greeted you. "Just the people I needed to see."

You smiled.

"Hello, Father."

Daryl shook his hand.

"Father, I just don't understand. What kind of trouble is Hunter in?"

"Why don't we talk inside my office?" Father Moser suggested. He gestured toward the big shining maple wood door.

Your husband let you be the one to go further into the office and sit in the seat closest to the window. Daryl, still holding Millie sat in the seat on your right side. Father Moser closed the door to his office. You frowned. That was a bad sign.

He went and sat on the otherside of the big expensive looking desk. He looked at you for a moment and then at Daryl. You felt he was measuring your emotional and mental state.

"There is no easy way to say this." He said folding his hands in front of him. "Hunter has gained a new vocabulary as of late. One that has piqued the interest of our other students and started a chain reaction of sorts."

Daryl's brow furrowed.

"One word in particular, the F word seems to be his favorite."

Your face heated with embarrassment.

"Father, are you sayin' that Hunter is cursin'?"

The priest nodded.

"Yes. Yes, he is and we have received complaints that other students are learning those words from him and adding them to their own vocabularies."

"Complaints? From other parents?" You asked ashamed.

"Yes, angry parents. Understandabley so."

"We are so sorry, Father. We make a point not to use that type of language. I don't know where he's learning it from, but I will find out and I will have a talk with him." Daryl replied.

"We are going to have to use a punishment to correct this behavior. Please explain to him that his suspension is a consequence of the new words he is using to express himself. We'll be happy to have him back, when he has learned not to use them on school grounds."

You nodded.

"We will talk with him." Daryl assured him.

"I am glad to hear it." He took in your expression. "Please, don't be too hard on yourselves. Hunter is a bright boy. He works hard and does well. In any case, this isn't the first time such a thing has ocurred at our school and I'm sure it won't be the last." He said good naturedly.

You smiled politely.

"Thank you, Father." Daryl said and got up and shook his hand.

You shook the priests hand and left the office right behind Daryl. You found Hunter sitting on the bench beside the front office.

"We have got a lot to talk about young man." Daryl told him.

Hunter frowned.

"You're taking me home?"

"You've been suspended." You told him.

His eyes widened.

"For what?" He asked as you walked back to the car.

"For cursing." Daryl replied.

Hunter frowned.

When you got Millie and Hunter situated in the car, Daryl shut the door to the backseat.

"I know it's you." Daryl accused, once you were alone in the parking lot.

You raised an eyebrow.

"Me?" You asked confused.

"Where he's learned that language from. It's you.

"Why would you think that?" You scoffed.

"Because, Millie learned a new word too and if it ain't me teaching them then it's you."

You couldn't help, but wince when he mentioned Millie cursing.

"I may have accidentally said one word in front of Millie. It was one time and she latched onto it. I'm sorry, but I swear it was just the one time."

Daryl shook his head.

"We'll talk about it later." He gave you a disappointed look.

You watched him get into his suburban before you got into your own car. You couldn't believe he was so upset with you. It wasn't as though you cursed in front of your children all the time. You didn't even know where Hunter could have heard that kind of language except for Millie. You sighed as you got into your car.

•••••••

"You been suspended, because you're using words you're not supposed to use." Daryl explained to his son.

Hunter ducked his head.

"What words?" He asked.

"You know which words." You said sternly.

"But Mom says them."

"Mom's not supposed to say 'em either." Daryl shot you a disapproving look. "Hunter, you can't speak that way. Not in this house and not at school."

Hunter frowned.

"But why?"

"Because it is disrespectful and not polite." You explained.

"Then why do you say them?"

"I'm not supposed to say them. It is just as bad when I do it as when you do it."

"Mom is not gonna say those words no more. Alright? And neither are you."

Hunter seemed to think about it for a second.

"What about Millie?"

"We need your help to teach Millie not to say those words either."

Hunter nodded.

"Okay. I can help."

"Alright, Thank you , Son." Daryl took away his hand held gaming device for the two days that Hunter was suspended. Hunter found this to be an awful punishment, but his respect for his father and desire to be well behaved left him no choice, but to comply.

When you laid down under your covers that night, Daryl turned to face you.

"Hunter said he heard you cursing. I'd get it if it was one slip up, but it didn't sound that way."

You turned onto your side.

"I'm sorry. I'll work on it."

You lay there in the quiet for a moment.

"What were you cursing about?"

You swallowed nervously.

"Telemarketers. They won't stop calling."

Daryl stared at you in the dark.

"Is it telemarketers or is it Him?"

You fought to keep your expression neutral.

"Uh, who?"

"Don't do that." He said your name. His tone held a note of pleading.

"Let's be honest for once.I know you're cheatin' on me."

You couldn't even react. You were in shock.

"I...I was, but I ended it. I tried to end it."

"For how long?" His voice was pained.

You took a breath.

"Four years."

"Years?"

"Yes.

"What do you mean? You tried to end it?"

"I don't know how to get rid of him. He won't leave me alone."

"Yeah, well, after four years I'm sure he had a hard time believin' you actually wanted to end it. If you really did."

"I did! I do!"

"You know, when Rick suggested I look through your phone, I was against it, but when I found out you were leavin' the kids with your Mom or with Ma a lot, more often than you ever told me about, I started to wonder where you were goin' that you couldn't take the kids with you."

"You, looked through my phone?"

Daryl sighed.

"I let Rick track your location. He told me you kept goin' to the motel off the highway. That's when I knew. I started thinkin' about what was missin' in our relationship that you went out lookin' for it somewhere else."

"That's when you told me you wanted to work on our relationship?"

He nodded.

"But even though you agreed, you kept goin' back to the motel.So, I followed you."

Your eyes widened.

"You followed me?"

"Yeah. A few months back I was out of my mind angry. I wanted to...to kill the bastard."

"Daryl!"

"I love you and it just fuckin' hurt so much."

You wanted to reach out and touch him, but you knew it wouldn't bring him comfort. You clenched your hands into fists.

"I had my gun sittin' on the seat next to me. I was just waitin' for you to leave. So, I could get him alone."

"Oh, God."

Your eyes filled with tears.

"But you came out of there before I was expectin' ya to and you had this look on your face. I got a feelin' that it was over. That someone had ended it. I just didn't know if the decision was yours or his. That snapped me out of it. I went to talk to Rick. Let him talk me down some. Then I drove around for a while to clear my head."

Tears started spilling down your cheeks.

"I watched you for signs that it was really over and I believed it was. Until Rick told me that you went to the motel again."

You shook your head.

"To talk. To convince him to leave me alone." You lied. If Daryl had been about to shoot Negan for the affair you shuddered to think of what he would do if you told him about that day, about what Negan had done to you.

"To talk? Why in a motel room?"

"I thought I was being descrete. More than anything, I wanted to keep you and the kids out of it and if I met him somewhere public, I didn't feel that would be protecting you."

"You said, you been seein' him for four years. What about Millie?" He asked nervously.

"I don't know." You wiped at the tears on your face, annoyed with yourself. "We would have to, get a paternity test."

Daryl swallowed.

"I need to know."

You nodded in understanding.

[stinkybreath]

hello

do you trust me to recommend you some books

I read ~170 this year and here’s reviews of my top ten, written for fb and crossposted under the cut in case you’re interested

1: Camp Concentration by Thomas Disch

-I know it’s not obvious from the way I conduct myself here, but I have a very large vocabulary. I was a kid who read the dictionary and also any thesaurus I had access to. So, that said, consider how much it means to me personally that this book taught me 30-50 new words. This isn’t a huge part of the reason I loved this book, but it is a very impressive fact about it that I think will grab the attention of people who might otherwise not read it. This book changed the way I read, the way I think about literature, and the way I evaluate what I have previously read. It’s offensive to me that I lived 30 years as an avid reader and culture sponge without hearing about this book. I cannot recommend it enough. I give it top spot on this list for a very good reason. I’d like to avoid spoiling any of the plot because while I called the twist easily, discovery of each point was so delightful that I want you to have that same experience.

2: Cockatiel x Chameleon by Bavitz

-You all have plenty of experience with me recommending works of fiction published online in formats that deter most readers. This is a normal Najwa activity. I know how it sounds and I know, therefore, that this plea will go more or less unheard, but I BEG you. Look past the fact this was published on AO3. This is one of the most remarkable books I’ve read, period. I mentioned in my worst of how much it bothers me that most writers can’t plausibly write about the internet. This book is the FUCKING ZENITH of writing about being online. It is the absolute peak and I will be shocked if I ever encounter another work that overtakes it. This is a book about people who are so strange they are barely human, but in ways that will be instantly familiar, intimately true, to those of us who grew up on the internet. There is violence and abuse and love and beauty and Chatroulette. There is art and gore and exploration of identity and apocalypse. There is fucking POSTING.

3: Serious Weakness by Porpentine

-Charity Heartscape Porpentine is one of our greatest living authors, opinions of snide Twitter users notwithstanding. I am an evangelist for her Twine game poetry because it is so singular and so affecting. Even a decade on, I can play through Their Angelical Understanding and feel freshly stabbed in the gut. Imagine the thrill I felt when she posted about her completed novel. I would (strongly) recommend this even to people who (somehow) bounced off her games, because her prose style is very distinct from the voice those are in (yet still recognizable). This is an incredibly violent, sick, stomach-turning, difficult, ugly, terrifying book. It’s also ultimately asking the reader a question about love and compassion. If you are sensitive to any trigger in written word about any violent action one person can do to another, skip this book, but if you feel like you have the strength, give her the nine bucks or whatever that she’s asking and devour it like I did. A hook for you: our protagonist has a chance meeting with an embodiment of pain. What follows includes torture, gender, climate disaster, and Columbine. Gorgeous. This book almost convinced me to start doing video essays so I could explain to people the incredible factors at play in it.

4: Negative Space by BR Yeager

-I have been trying to read this book for free for so long that I broke my streak and paid actual money for it. It was one of the better purchases I made all year. Thanks to finally reading some Stephen King this year I now have the requisite foundation to see how heavily his style inspired Yeager in this book, but I would die on the hill defending my position that Yeager does King better than King ever did. There is evil seeping out between the lines of this book. Have you ever had a nightmare that made you feel doomed the entire next day? Have you ever felt you were trapped in your shitty, dying home town? Have you ever been seduced by the excitement of activities that you know might actually kill you? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and looked at your own dark reflection? Go back to the deepest point of your teenage depression here.

5: We Who Are About to by Joanna Russ

-One of the shortest entries on this list and so one of the easiest sells, but it is just as full of meaning as any other that made the cut. There is so much implied and unsaid about this protagonist. She feels whole, like this is the last chunk of chapters in a series centered on her, but she represents something universal. She is one member of a group from a crash-landed spaceship, a group small enough in numbers that there’s no way for humanity to last on this planet more than one more generation. Any attempts to do even that are so plainly cruel and self-deluding that she wants no part of them, but the others with her don’t see it the same way. Her story is womanhood under patriarchy, it is life and death, it is self-determination. Brutal. I read this at the airport and cried in public.

6: Carrie by Stephen King

-As much as I hate to say it, I gotta hand it to Uncle Steve (or really to Tabitha). This book very nearly justifies the rest of his career on its own. I thought had picked up most of it from cultural osmosis, but there was a truly shocking depth that I couldn’t have found without experiencing it firsthand. Maybe it’s funny to use this word here, but this book is humanist and compassionate and sincere in a way that King never finds again, particularly with the women he writes. Carrie is so vivid that I felt a protective instinct for her throughout the book even though I knew she was about to discover her own power. She reflects parts of me about as well as Lindqvist did in Little Star, which is the work of art that is THE most personal to me. A classic for a fucking reason.

7: The Doloriad by Missouri Williams

-This year, lots of the books that I read had strange echoes of each other. In this, I can pick out shades of Carrie, of Camp Concentration, of We Who Are About To, and even of Serious Weakness. Rarely if ever are these references by each author, but it has enriched my experience by having unofficial interlocking intertexts for all of them. This book has been very divisive with reviewers, and I understand why, because it is cruel and the prose is extremely stylistic. This is somewhat experimental and fully literary and sincerely philosophical. I get it. Not for everyone. But it was for me. A clan of inbreds at the end of the world with their eyes on their scapegoat, nonverbal and disabled Dolores. It shocked me and it challenged me and I loved it.

8: The Ice Cream Man and Other Stories by Sam Pink

-These short stories did the exact opposite of the thing that pissed me off about The Florida Project. These are about people who are varying degrees of sympathetic but the same degree of desperately, penny-scrapingly working poor. The easy pull quote is “unflinching,” because it turns an eye on very ugly parts of real life for so many of us. I think people who grew up middle class will find some voyeuristic, prurient pleasure in these stories, but they’re not written for you. They’re written for us, the people who have lived this way.

I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman 9

-I don’t need to tell you how great this book is, because the whole of booktok has told you this all year. Instead, what I will say is that it is much stranger and less tidy than you’re imagining when you hear the blurb. It’s a short read and it is one of the few times I haven’t regretted following booktok’s advice.

Only Lovers Left Alive by Dave Wallis 10

-This barely squeaked onto this year’s best of, because I started it before 2022 ended and finished it early in the new year. As I read it, especially in the first 20% of the book, I was confused as to how it ended up on my TBR. But toward the end, and throughout the year as I’ve continued to think about it, I understand more instinctively than intellectually that this is a remarkable work. A short synopsis: in the 80s in the UK, there is an epidemic of suicide, but only by adults. The teens left behind forge their own path.

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Chapter 10- Part 7

…I mean…isn’t that what Team Meteor is doing, though? Ace said before something like “yeah, our methods aren’t really popular, but we’re the ones really looking out for the region." Commander Redeye also said something similar about how Team Meteor is supposedly acting for the greater good of Reborn, and he went even further to straight-up call Xera and the others the "enemies of the region." 

In other words: undertaking misguided actions under the belief that doing so is better than no action at all. Hypocrites, the lot of you!! Jail for one thousand years!!

HOOOOOLD UP THERE, AURORA BOREALIS! Whatever you think you’re gonna have Crobat do, I’m not gonna stand for it, and Xera definitely isn’t! She’s- uh…wait, she physically can’t intervene, can she? I’m not talking about cutscene powerlessness or anything, I mean- literally, those giant trees are blocking the way, she can’t get over there.

Hey, wait! If the street is blocked by all those trees, then how did Victoria get over there? What secret path did you take, girl!?

GAH- whoa, that was a sick transition. The Crobat just shot at Victoria, like some kinda bullet, then- bam! Smash cut to black, barely any sound at all, the screen fades back to normal, and…nothing. They’re all gone, just like that. Now that’s how you introduce an antagonist.

And now…we’re back, unable to do a thing to stop what just happened. Before, I was like “yeah we’re not gonna let you touch Victoria, we’ll kick your spine!”, but truthfully…Borealis seems strong, like, really strong. Stronger than Xera is right now, at least. I mean, he has a Crobat! Crobat are scary! Imagine what the rest of his team looks like! I won’t lie, for all my dramatics, I was a bit scared that we would have to fight him right then and there- I still am, a little bit!

But more than that…did you notice how that hood obscured most of his head and face? None of the other major Team Meteor people we’ve faced have that, their features are all more or less visible. That alone would be suspicious, but…could you see the rest of his outfit?

Now, this could just be the lighting of the area affecting how the color looks, but…to me, that looks like a gray and purple jumpsuit. Like Corey’s gray and purple jumpsuit. Not to mention the way Borealis spoke, it…kinda reminds me of the Corey tends to speak, and vocabulary and tone and such. And the fact that he uses a Crobat, of all things- if I’m right about Corey being the former Poison Gym Leader before Cain, then that…would track…

I’m just saying, things are starting to line up in ways I do not like, ways that don’t seem like red herrings anymore. I don’t want Corey to secretly be working with the bad guys, but- my brain can’t ignore these signs! I play a lot of mystery games, I got Rain Code for Christmas for goodness’s sake! Deductive reasoning is what I do, and my deduction tells me that there’s a nonzero chance of Corey being Borealis! And I greatly dislike that possibility!

Of course, I’m suspecting Corey as Borealis’ true identity- but in-universe, I don’t think Xera suspects anything. To her, Borealis is just another Meteor agent, just like all the others, and he just made things very personal by capturing, like, the one person she probably considers something like a friend- but that’s something I can build more upon later.

Okay, that’s a little funny. “Hey, sorry your friend just got kidnapped, have some free exp. points. ♥”

Anyways, now that that tree’s gone and the vines are clear again, let’s keep going. Maybe we’ll find Borealis and Victoria somewhere in here? Maybe in one of those buildings?

Not Victoria.

DEFINITELY not Victoria!

And you don’t deserve to quote Frederick! Even if that line does work…shockingly well in a Pokémon setting.

Shuckle? Oooh, that’s not good, leaving the Flying-type out on the field against the Rock-type…

We’ll swap out Breeze to bring out Riptide while Glare lowers Shuckle’s Defenses with Screech. The Hoothoot knows Confusion, but it doesn’t do a ton to Glare, so I’m not too scared of it. 

But what is a bit jarring is what happens when Shuckle uses Struggle Bug. Remember how I said this field boosts Grass moves with a message saying “The forestry boosts the move’s power”? Well- that message popped up again when Shuckle used Struggle Bug here (which I didn't exactly get to screenshot because of my surprise).

So this field doesn’t just boost Grass-type moves, it boosts Bug-type moves as well? Grass and Bug attacks- so is this field, like, “Forest Field” or something? Because it’s got forest theming with its design and the moves/types it boosts?

Regardless, we can get rid of Hoothoot pretty easily, just have Riptide use Ice Fang like with the Spearow.

And as for Shuckle, with its Defense lowered, a few Bites from these two should bring it down. Struggle Bug still doesn’t do a lot, even with the boost from the field.

And by a “few” Bites, I meant many Bites.

I will! I will go ahead and see what happens, actually!

Huh- a Poison-healing item. I wonder if that’s indicative of a certain fight that’s about to happen. Almost as indicative of that Light Shard up there, and…are those the Gym Leaders? What’s going on up there…?

Previous

Next

[lunarcry]

anyway i was reading nene & ruis cards from this event ('only now?' yes.<3) but emus voice line at 34:48 always makes me ssooo emotional.......like the way its performed....the 'dakara'.....i tear up every time<//3 (tbh her entire part starting from 34:18...) also how they dont use the Actual happy face expressions for her, so its so clear that shes faking it. ough. something something about the times emu shoulders stuff herself (but also this is about the park and her brothers...also another line she has about not being sure if it was okay for her to try to keep her promise with her grandpa....

ANYWAY THATSB NOT THE POIINT HERE THE POINT WAS their card stories<3

first of all ichika lending nene an ear cuz she notices nene seems down...nene knowing she goes to the same school as emu & doesnt want to worry her, proceeds to go "uhhh someone i know has a friend.." to which ichika ALSO ends up going "my- no, someone i know..." T_TLOL i like nene & ichika a lot and seeing 1) nene talk about emu and how she does it 2) opening up to ichika about it......well "opening up" LOL

Nene: (She always says or does weird stuff, and gets everyone mixed into her antics... But I've enjoyed every minute of it so far... I want Emu to keep doing outrageous things with Tsukasa. I want her to keep concocting crazy ideas with Rui. And... I... I want her to laugh and smile like always...)

the expression the choose for this was unreal btw. so tender. her lil smile...

also rui knowing emu only knows 2 places in their school. nenes classroom and tsukasas classroom (rui's next to it). skull emoji

AS FOR RUIS...the way he immediately goes to the mascot(emus bodyguard) AKDJADBKJ HE RLY GOES STRAIGHT FOR THE PROBLEMSOLVING. they dont tell him anything but

Rui: In truth, I am incredibly thankful for Emu. Her determination to save the Wonder Stage and her will to not give up allowed me to meet the wonderful people I am with now. And we're able to put on shows that deliver smiles to countless people.

Rui: I... No, we, as WonderlandsxShowtime, want to keep putting on the best shows possible, together. Which is why if anything that would rob us of that opportunity were to arise, I will refuse to simply let it happen. And I will not let my friends be openly insulted either. Even if it's Emu's family we're dealing with.

unreal things to say knowing the current arc btw.

emu then proceeds to chase tsukasa with a caterpillar cuz "lets find out what kind of butterfly it turns into". tsukasa runs to nene. nene gets roped into it (does not want the bug near her either). rui just laughs. peak

Tsukasa: It looks like she's back to her usual self, but doesn't something still seem a little off...? I feel like she hasn't been adding Yahohoy! or Zoom! or any other nonsensical words to her sentences lately...

Rui: Ah, I see... Some time did pass before we heard her trademark Wonderhoy! again as well. Tsukasa: Exactly. The last time she said that was... When we all put our hands together and shouted that on stage, right? Nene: Now that you mention it, she always said stuff like that every day... Rui: Yes... Well, this is just me speculating but... She has a tendency to emote using her unique vocabulary when she feels absolutely compelled to do so... Tsukasa: Hm? Wait, that means she... Rui: Hasn't been able to feel that way lately. She may be choosing her words more carefully than normal.

-> they then put on a special show for her that essentially just bullies tsukasa and she starts saying nonsense again but ughhhT_T this group... when she says wonderhoy again nene & rui comments on it too... but in general things i will think about for the next ten years

[sayitaliano]

Ciao 💕, I hope you’re doing well. I would like to ask for your advise if that’s ok. I took an Italian course for two years but unfortunately had to stop because of some problems I had with my at the time teacher and her teaching skills. I stopped about 3 years ago and feel like I’ve been losing a bit of my understanding of the language. I have difficulties learning grammatical rules and verbs (I’m self taught in English and learned from a very young age by just listening, reading and speaking the language and nowadays it’s basically a natural language to me). I’d like to restart studying Italian with the same approach to see if I can learn better this time (I can understand it very well but speaking and forming phrases are my weakest points) and my question to you is: Do you think it’s able to learn Italian through the same method? And do you have any tips or tricks to help me improve learning the language by myself?

Thank you so much for your time.

Ciao! Honestly we are all different in our learning method, so you can try ofc. It's up to you to make the rules of your learning style. And you can even try different methods until you find what works better for you.

This said, Italian is pretty different from English: we have verbs conjugations according to different persons and genders (and in moods/tenses), and other parts of the speech that in English are totally missing. So ofc you can learn something just by listening and reading and things like that, but you cannot overlook grammar, especially in this language. Especially cause you're telling me you cannot form sentences or express yourself easily (yet). So it means you need to learn/study every part of the speech and how they work, also compared with the subject of a sentence. And make your sentences grow in difficulty step by step, not just rushing stuff.

It's normal that not practicing a language for a while, you may need a bit more time and patience to get back to your previous level; not to mention you didn't have a good experience through your teacher and her teaching methods. This to me sounds like you need to take a breath and start from zero. Don't worry, even if it may be a bit boring in the beginning (easy words lists and translations), it's important for you to recover the grammar parts you are missing, the ones you couldn't study or understand well cause of how you were taught to learn or because you couldn't get the explanations you needed.

Start forming easy sentences like "I go to the market". Subject, verb (present indicative) and object/place (starting from just subject-verb-object would be the best). Stick to these things first. You'll have a lot to study more soon (articles, for examples, prepositions and all the rest).

There's a huge masterpost about studying tips on @sayitalianohome you can take a look at it: it holds things I wrote myself and reblogged during the years. Again, take it slow. Translate easy things or make lists for things you see around you (or choose a topic and make a list of vocabs from it, then try and make an easy text after a while (remember to learn verbs too and prepositions to be able to write/say phrases like "The pen is on the table"). Try to think in Italian, every now and then. Talk to yourself in Italian. You can check immediately what words or grammar patterns you are missing by doing so. I wouldn't recommend translating from English despite it may be of help in the beginnng, but just "living" the language and froming your vocabulary through images or a whole sentence meaning, would be the best (despite at times some sentences may be tricky in Italian and therefore an English translation would be better). Remember again to try and not shoot for the moon immediately. Talk easy phrases, as if you were a child discovering a new language or new things around you (the school, a garden with plants, things you like to eat or do, describing your family or your room...).

Let me know if you need support during your learning or if you need clarifications/translations. Ofc you can study Italian on your own if you keep a schedule and check in with your knowledge every now and then, but from my personal experience, being corrected by others (natives in particular or someone that speak our target language well) is fundamental while learning: it helps you check grammar, and realize possible mistakes you may be doing (or weird expressions you may have translated but aren't very used anymore or mean something different from what you think). Therefore talking with natives could help you too, if it's your cup of tea. Listening and reading are part of learning ofc, but again, grammar is important and needs to be studied.... some rules cannot be understood just by listening to natives. And you need to learn it also to be able to express yourself and use it (you need to own it).

Best of lucks!

[nevermindirah]

🦋🎈📡 (and a kiss 😘)

Beijos para você! (I'm being so normal about not falling down a rabbit hole about tu vs você right now djksfjdasfjds)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Are people gonna like it?? (Do people like me??)

Then once I wrangle my social anxiety brain worms back to their rehabilitation corner, I'm wondering about whether the things I was trying to communicate with the fic seem to be coming across to the people reading. Do my understandings of these characters ring true for other people? Did the things I thought were poignant or funny or hot actually feel that way to people who aren't me?

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I've been told more than once that I have a very distinctive writing style for smut. At first I just blushed my face off whenever I heard that, because oh my GOD I am publishing pornographic writing on the internet!!?!?!? and people are READING it!!?!???!!!?!??? Now that I've had some time to get used to it, I take it as a badge of honor, even when anxiety pokes through that maybe not everybody means it strictly as a compliment. You know what it's a style and it's fun and we're embracing it!

More broadly, my style has definitely changed since BoN first ate my brain. There are some elements of my older fics that absolutely make me cringe now, like the rapid-fire pov shifts (sometimes in the same sentence!) and the explosion of French pet names. No shade on those old fics, I'm glad I wrote them, and I'm glad the people who still enjoy them are enjoying them! It's just that looking back on my older stuff confronts me with how much less practice with writing fiction I had two years ago than I do now.

One element of my fic style that hasn't changed and I doubt ever will is my tendency towards complex, multi-phrase sentences. My professional life has required too much writing about legislative details; at this point it can't be reined in completely, even when I try.

A thing about my style I'm hoping will evolve in the future is I want to learn more from writers like you who are writing so beautifully and effectively in English as a second language. Using my high school Spanish to write anything more complex or poetic than "Booker piensa que Nile es hermosa y tiene razón" (Booker thinks Nile's gorgeous and he's right) feels impossible to me. But English has a much larger vocabulary than Spanish for a bunch of historical reasons, and I have access to several (but importantly not all) registers of that vocabulary for a bunch of personal as well as structural class-and-race reasons, and the significance of word choice as an element of style probably operates differently in a language like Spanish with its relatively smaller vocab inventory so that means other stylistic choices I'm completely unaware of are probably doing super cool things to express the layers of meaning I've been taught to lean on word choice to accomplish in English — this is an enormous area of comparative linguistics but one small example of the ways we can shift our writing styles to more effectively express our ideas to people with different linguistic frames of reference. All that's even more interesting given the staggering diversity of language experience among our immortal blorbos. I don't know what particular stylistic changes might be in the future for me along these lines, it's just a thing I'm thinking about.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

I love that you asked this because it gives me the excuse to say fandom is important! It's part of our lives! Hobbies we do for fun and stress relief aren't The Most Important Thing In the World but they're still part of our lives and part of the world and therefore what happens in fandom matters! Nile Freeman is a fantastically rich, complex, well-drawn main character and she deserves tons and tons of fandom content about her, and I'm a part of that and so are you! Fuck yeah!

I also really cherish my part in building Jewish Booker. The overwhelming majority of Jewish representation in mainstream US movies and tv comes through filters: Jews in the 19th and 20th centuries being pushed into the entertainment industry by several European countries' discriminatory policies and that tradition carrying over in the US despite legal equality, Euro-descended Jews being model minority-ized by the post-WW2 US that very much did /not/ involve itself in that war to stop the Holocaust but chose to frame itself that way after the fact, lots of individual Jews' family trauma and internalized shame and fear of the next wave of antisemitism around the corner, etc etc. The result is most US media that includes Jews is made either by Jews who feel enormous pressure to represent our entire people in a way that's perceived as palatable and nonthreatening to white culturally-Christian people or more often by non-Jews who've absorbed decades of iterating carbon copies of what previous generations thought was palatable. US Jews invented comic books and the superhero genre and yet the first MCU property to have an explicitly Jewish character was the 6th tv show in Phase 4.

There just isn't much mainstream content about Jews in my country, one of the two places where most of the world's Jews live, made by Jews who uncomplicatedly like being Jewish and don't have big economic and cultural pressures on them to represent all of us in Certain Ways. Wow, I didn't realize this rant was building up in me until I started typing. Anyway yeah I get to be honest about what Jewishness means to me and what I think it would mean for Booker and share it with people through fandom with just a little teeny tiny bit of a filter (my own internalized stuff) compared to the many layers of mess that mainstream content has to go through before it reaches non-Jews all over the world who consume US media and who may or may not know many Jews personally.

[peterlorres21stcentury]

stupid sexy fantasies

I have the same fantasies over and over. It's like my brain refuses to think of anything normal or interesting. These things show up in my writing a lot, to the point where I worry that readers will notice how repetitive I really am.

So here's a brief look into my strange inner self, as I imagine telling all this to a kindly therapist in the image of Peter Lorre because I cannot afford one in real life.

*taking notes* Patient is clearly a deviant and a lost cause.

The following was difficult to write down because of shyness but I'm making an effort to be bolder this year:

I'm sure I mentioned this before but I have a huge fetish for bellies. So much. I don't even know why, but I've had this fascination since I was not quite three years old. At least that's when I first remember it. As time went on it went hand-in-hand with a fat/weight gain fetish. I always made up little stories to myself about hungry characters with grumbly tummies who eventually had the opportunity to eat as much as they wanted, and then they rested with a good full belly that happily gurgled away while they slept. Invariably they would eat more and get fatter because in my head, plump bellies = the sexiest thing on planet earth. I STILL find every opportunity to work these things into my fiction and I'm sure it gets old for literally everyone except me.

And I can't forget belly rubs. Bellies are a vulnerable part of us, and something about being allowed to rest on top of someone to soothe and kiss their bloated belly and listen to their food digest is deeply exciting for me. I love getting the same kind of attention, too. I want to be told how fat I am, or praised for the impressive amount of food I managed to put away (in a nice way. Like an appreciative, admiring kind of way). Also if we're cuddling/making out and things are starting to get hot, and our stomachs press together... 😍😍 It just feels amazing and it's so comforting. It represents trust. (btw if there's some long German or perhaps Yiddish vocabulary word for this precise feeling of comfort/safety/sexual lust/belly and/or food obsession in general, I'd really like to learn what it is).

If I'm in another kind of mood, I also like vore; the impossible fantasy of a person swallowing another person whole. Obviously this cannot be done by humans, but in fiction all manner of weird things are possible. The same belly stuff applies here--the predator ends up with a HUGE belly which is always exciting--but there's also that element of control in play. The predator exerts control over their helpless prey by literally consuming them. I like it when prey gets digested, because I just can't be normal about anything. I'm either a soft cuddle bug or a devouring predator and there isn't much in between. I don't know what that says about me.

ANYway, after all that, it's inevitable that I would start to combine various obsessions, so all these fantasies typically involve Peter Lorre in some way. Now that I think about it, my fetishes may have initially played into my love for Peter. See, my obsession with Peter began when I first saw "Arsenic and Old Lace." And there's a line, right after Jonathan and Dr. Einstein first show up at the Brewster home:

Jonathan: I hope there's a fatted calf awaiting the return of the prodigal.

Einstein: A fatted calf? Oh, Johnny, I'm so hungry...

I remember the exact moment when I first saw that and a few things went through my teenage brain at once: "omg, the little doctor is so pitiful and cute. OMG, he just said he was hungry?? !!!! Must feed him. C'mon, somebody feed him, he's starving. Oh I hope he gets to eat soon." I spent the rest of the scene in a state of confused excitement while hoping nobody else noticed the emotional whirlwind I was in. Ever since then, Peter was my favorite actor forever, the end.

I'm sure I would have loved him anyway even if I didn't have the aforementioned fetishes, but now I'm stuck imagining him as the subject of various tummy fantasies, too. I mean, by all accounts he loved food and sort of naturally tended to be plump. What if he enjoyed this kind of thing too? Would he like it if someone, say me in another life, admitted all this to him and gave him loving belly rubs as a form of foreplay? I dunno... but I hope he would like it.

[junebugwriter]

On Ferality 

A ramshackle meditation on anarchy, civilization, and in going goblin mode 

Aren’t you tired of being nice?  

Shitposter extraordinaire and cultural podcaster @JUNIPER (now, sadly, deactivated for her crimes against our horrible South African overlord) tweeted out a fake headline that she cooked up for a goof about the then-current and still ongoing Kanye West implosion, noted musician and antisemite. Since then, the ubiquity of the phrase “goblin mode” has become a matter of cultural immersion, to the point that it won the 2022 Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Year.  

Clearly, @JUNIPER was onto something. People latched onto the phrase online, and now it has become simply a part of the common vocabulary. However, I think it is more than simply a passing phase or a fad. I think there is something going on in people that is hard to grasp in its totality. It is partly an abandonment of decorum and civility, partly a desire for a more authentic life. I speak of the desire to take on the goblin mode, and become, in a word, feral.  

There are many groups on Facebook of which I am a part that live into this ferality. Some aspiring to the goblinoid aesthetic, some simply embracing the eternal and ever-shifting id that lies beneath our conscious minds. It all simply points to the zeitgeist of my generation, Millennials, and the ascendant Gen Z. We are tired of being nice. We do want to go apeshit.  

There are many reasons for this, of course. Goblin mode came out of 2022, a year that was when the powers of liberal democracy decided that, since there was a COVID-19 vaccine freely available, there was no reason for adherence to mask mandates or health precautions anymore. However, for many, we had spent the better part of a year and a half in our homes, or otherwise cautious about being in public places for too long unprotected. That isolation we felt, along with the relaxation of social norms and requirements, loosened something within us. Additionally, the requirement to “come back to the office” and resume capitalism as normal, despite the pandemic still going on around us, but us all being told to just ignore it, has driven not a few of us in the disabled and immunocompromised community up a wall. 

Then again, the pandemic was just the latest in a long line of social cohesion coming unglued. Since the 2016 election, and throughout the Trump administration, every day felt like it came with another psychic assault upon the world. Four years of sustained detachment from reality has lasting effects, not the worst of which being the Q-anon apocalypse cult. Then, as we spent a year and change in our houses, we... let things go. We gave up on some things. Perhaps we didn’t get dressed as nicely as we used to. Perhaps we spent less effort in looking presentable. We took that business meeting wearing a nice shirt and gym shorts, because who was going to look at the lower half of our bodies anyways? We began to understand that civility is but a thin veneer, a fragile structure that isn’t always necessary and sometimes crumbles at the barest whiff of resistance.  

Yet I think this desire to be feral has endured, and it’s not necessarily because of any one thing. Many of us reignited our love for nature, and natural wonder. We grew enamored with a world we thought we lost in childhood. Not a few of us lost ourselves in naturalist nostalgia, and nostalgia in general is big business these days. But nature is a difficult thing to capitalize upon and resists our commodification. Along with this, though, we realized just how constrained we really are in the world. 

For many, working from home made people realize just how much we sacrificed for our jobs. Hours of life wasted on commuting. Stress of open office plans, constant meetings and interruptions. A good portion of the population realized just how little we needed our central offices, and skyscrapers began to be left unfilled and empty. Real estate for office space saw real and drastic losses, because how much money, time, and life was wasted in these places? And people have resisted returning to the old pre-pandemic status quo. For their part, I am excited, because people have realized just how much freedom we could have, and just how much our occupations take from us.  

As for me, well, I work in the service industry currently. I’m still working in hospitality, a job that does require physical presence. Academia never recovered, most institutions becoming hybrid class spaces, and I barely am required to be in person with any of my meetings or classes. Life has changed a great deal in a short amount of time. More than that, life seems to resist our structures and systems. And people are tired of trying to keep up. 

Something has changed in younger generations that the older ones don’t quite grasp just yet. There has been a resurgence in not simply disenchantment with neoliberal democracy, but a sense within younger folks that the system no longer does what it we were told it would do. Rather, we are beginning to see that the system is working as intended, and it is in its most extreme form. As a result, we are seeing more and more the America that we were told we could be a part of no longer exists, if it ever did. We are talking to each other, learning that we don’t have the same reverence for “the way things are” that our parents did.  

Enter the internet. Enter academia. Enter meme culture. Enter social media. Enter a reclamation for classical Marxist analysis. Enter class consciousness. Enter anarchy. 

What I am about to say here as perhaps another “coming out” of a sort, but not much of one if you’ve paid attention to the kind of person I have been most of my life. This is, naturally, when things get political. I am personally drawn to a kind of pacifist Christian anarcho-communism. What this means is I am  

Disenchanted with all unjust hierarchical structures in society, including those of racism, classism, cis-hetero-patriarchy, and so forth.  

Believe in a communal, decentralized, socialist egalitarianism, free from the dominance of capital as the driving force in society, and in favor of a more just and fair society that prioritizes the needs of all rather than the freedom and power of the few over others 

Am resistant to violence and would like to work towards a world where violence is no longer necessary, understanding that in certain cases force is a necessity but not an inevitability 

Believe that the way of Christ and the Reign of God/Kingdom of God/Kingdom of heaven is what the ideal society ought to strive towards, and that society looks a lot like one that is free from violence and unjust hierarchies. 

All of that is just kind of a brief outline of the things I believe. I want to also say that I’m primarily an ethicist, and not a political philosopher, and by no means should this be taken as a coherent or comprehensive political platform. What I am, however, is deeply moved by my theological beliefs, and it is out of these theological beliefs that we ought to strive towards a political reality that more closely mirrors the Reign of God. Make of that what you will.  

The point of me saying all of that is when I express this political sentiment, I am far from alone in doing so. More and more people my generation and younger are growing more aware of the harsh, restrictive systems that capital has put us in thrall to, and we are chafing at our chains. We were told to stay loyal to our companies and work organizations and were laid off despite it all. We are told to “just get a better job,” but the better jobs no longer exist, and all of us are saddled with too much debt to ever escape it in one lifetime. Buying housing is largely growing to be a goal out of reach, and even rents are skyrocketing. The cost of living has ballooned since the pandemic began and has not evened out or reduced as we were assured it would. Companies are more profitable than ever, and workers are being exploited more each day. We are tired of our world as it is and yearn for a better one. Socialism, communism, anarchism (NOT anarchocapitalism, aka libertarianism), all of these proclaim that a better world is possible, but only if we act together.  

Beneath it, though, is an unbridled desire to stop living in the status quo. To reject the civility and norms of the world as it is, because that world doesn’t exist anymore. We long to be feral, unburdened by the expectations of our capitalist system, and more authentic to ourselves and to each other. We are isolated, and long to be in community with each other. We are frustrated, and long for release.  

To paraphrase Antonio Gramsci: The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: now is the time of goblins. 

(Frank Frazetta) 

Civility and civilization are flimsy things, and only as strong as we desire them to be. The desire for freedom from its bonds is not new, either. Robert E. Howard famously expressed this brittleness in his Conan stories, as evidenced by quotes like, “Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.”1 Howard often concluded that the “civilized” people of the world were simply putting civility as a self-delusion, that we had progressed beyond “savagery” as embodied by Conan. Howard was writing in an era in which such terms were common parlance and are now rightly called out as racist/xenophobic, especially when talking about indigenous/native peoples. However, there is also an argument to be made that Howard’s work was entirely critical of the entire dynamic, that in writing about Conan, he was trying to reveal that we were not nearly as “civilized” as we purported to be, and that there was little separating us from those we deemed “savage” save for culture and power. Conan stories are pulp, popular fantasy fiction, but fantasy is a great way to examine real dynamics in our culture. For all their lurid salaciousness, Howard’s writings put a mirror up to us and our advancements, our cultures, our fancy dress, and reveal that the emperor has no clothes, and we are all goblins now.  

I write all of this as a way of expressing the deep angst I am experiencing, but also the collective angst of the moment. I am tired. All my friends, family, and society are tired. We long to collect shiny rocks on a forest path, make noisy music with our friends, cook a big pot of stew, play silly games, and tell stories. We indulge in fantasy and science fiction as an escape, but the escape only reveals the truth of our dystopic society. We are in a fail-state. Our political choices are 1) a fascist and 2) and vain bureaucrat who is at the very least is not a full-on fascist but that is really his only selling point at this point, who aids and abets genocide and allows our country to fall into greater disrepair. We are told to accept this, and more of us are deciding to opt out, to fight for a better world, to organize, to resist the lie that “civilization” has sold us. We are savage. We are angry. We are messy. We are noisy. For along with our organizing, we recognize that humanity is inherently disorganized, disorderly, feral, and messy. This messiness only points towards our greater humanity than is allowed by our current system. We are going goblin mode because being human has not worked out for us thus far, and we need something different.  

I write this to expiate some of my own inner struggles, my demons, my rage and anxiety. I am worn out and beyond burnt out by the grind that must continue. What happens when there is no longer anything to grind? What happens when people collectively get tired of being ground into a fine paste, and have that paste sold back to us at ever more unaffordable prices? The society we built is a meat grinder, and buddy, that grinding noise does not sound good. We ought to resist the meat grinder. Why did we even build that grinder in the first place? It seems like it was a bad decision to build it, because all it ever did was grind humans into meat, and we ought not do that. 

Perhaps all this is pointless. I am but one person, writing alone in the middle of the night to an audience of like-minded people. I have little time to do a lot of the organizing that I might desire, and even less talent for organizing people as a general principle.  People are mercurial and illogical things, and tend to go for gut instinct as opposed to reasoned arguments. But this is not a reasonable argument, is it? This is a primal scream. This is a guttural howl into the abyss, into the frozen and bloody plains of a battle that has been raging since long before I was born. I am tired of pretending that just because we wear nice clothes and hide behind a desk that our battles don’t have real impacts, that the coffee I might buy here isn’t grown and cultivated by people enslaved far away, out of sight, and therefore out of mind? Our convenience, our civilization, is built out of blood and bones, and I’m not supposed to get mad about it or even think about it? I have benefitted from the subjugation, pain and misery of others, and I’m just supposed to be okay with it? ��

(Ippolito Scarsellino) 

I’m supposed to be okay, when Jesus himself, God incarnate, saw the cruelty of our systems and got so upset, he made a whip and threw tables over it all? That’s right, I’m saying it here, Jesus went goblin mode on the moneychangers. He got righteously angry and upset everything that was “civilized” in his society. The people in power saw this was a threat and had him crucified as an example to any other rabble-rousers. Jesus started an anarcho-communist movement, and I want us to reclaim this tradition today. Loving your neighbor is a radical position. Liberating the prisoner is a radical position. Caring for the widow and orphan is a radical position. Working towards healing is a radical position. Putting on a towel and washing your student’s feet is a radical position. Breaking your body and pouring out your blood for your friends is a radical position. We are his followers, but we are too afraid of breaking away from our comfort and our convenience to follow him.  

Take this as your invitation to go goblin mode, to embrace ferality. Civilization is a beautiful lie that we tell ourselves so we can go to sleep easier. Well, I’m not getting much sleep as it is, so I might as well break out of the comfortable lie.  

So, I will ask you one final time: aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to just go apeshit? 

[brickellbabe]

What is the meaning of LIFE?

Do you ever think and wonder…

What is the reason that I was put here?

What is the purpose of all of this?

What am I supposed to be?

What do I need to do?

Where am I going?

What’s next?

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

I often find myself sitting and questioning life sometimes because of the experiences that come my way. Like, what do all of these experiences mean? How did that just happen? Is it fate? Was that supposed to happen? Was this moment already predetermined for my journey?

I NEED ANSWERS!

So of course, I took to the trusty internet to try to figure things out to find some kind of clarity for why I am here and why things are going the way they are going.

I was convinced that there had to be a clue out there to point me to someone or somewhere that would help me better understand how life circumstances happen the way they do. Meaning, how certain turns of events have led me down the path that I am on right now.

In my search I came across a very interesting woman, Pat Rodegast, who absolutely blew my mind. I watched her entire one hour long YouTube talk session with complete focus and could not get enough!

In the video I learned about the spiritual nature of human existence, how we came about, what our mission is, and so much more that I had to share my findings with EVERYONE!

First and foremost, I have a very open mind and so her words resonated with me to the point that I was shouting “AHA ‘’ as I was watching her speak. So you have to be willing to see things in a different perspective to fully understand what I am about to share with you. Be open to new ideas and see if anything sticks and helps you find some clarity if you have questions just like me.

Now, all of our journeys are different, and it may not be the right time for you to see things as I may see them at this moment in time. I would like to look at this newfound information as my personal awakening. I feel more at ease and find myself truly appreciating everything that comes my way, good and bad. So, here’s what I got from that video…

In her discussion, Pat talks about the intricacies of the human life purpose and the meaning of life, challenging the traditional reliance on logic and reason. She begins by questioning the limitations of logic, suggesting that it often forces decisions in opposition to reason and may lead to destructive outcomes. Pat encourages viewers to explore their personal truth and agendas, emphasizing that we are the architects of our life circumstances and that life itself is a profound learning experience.

Pat addresses the concept of fear, urging us to step outside of it and to stop normalizing negative aspects of life like darkness, disappointment, and illness. She points out that the vocabulary and beliefs instilled in us during childhood play a significant role in shaping our fears and perceptions of normality. Pat highlights the importance of self-love, asserting that our primary purpose is to learn to love ourselves. She advocates for living in the present moment as a means to find joy and safety, thereby reducing the influence of fear.

In dealing with emotional challenges, Pat offers guidance on managing negative emotions like anger and resentment. She suggests engaging in a dialogue with your inner child to uncover the root causes of difficulties in loving yourself. This introspection, according to Pat, can lead to significant personal transformations. Dig deep to find out why it is so hard for you to love yourself and allow others to love you.

She also shares her perspective on death and the afterlife, portraying death not as an end but as part of the soul’s ongoing journey. She emphasizes that life and consciousness continue beyond physical death, suggesting a continuity that transcends our earthly existence.

Discussing the presence of evil in the world, Pat redefines it as a lack of love and understanding. She emphasizes the transformative power of love in facing darkness and guiding others. According to Pat, financial struggles should be viewed not as moments of despair but as invaluable opportunities for personal growth and self-reflection. It’s your inner child letting you know it wants time to be with you and connect with you without distractions.

Further exploring the secret of life, Pat describes it as an unending educational process where every experience serves as a lesson. She stresses the importance of self-love in facing life’s challenges and encourages viewing all experiences as opportunities for learning and personal development.

Pat then shifts to a spiritual perspective, discussing that the universe is timeless and we ascend to earth to experience time. Hence why we see angel numbers (333, 555, 777) as they are messages from our spiritual beings who communicate with us along our timed journey. She describes human life as a soul’s journey for growth, urging us to remember our true nature as spiritual beings and to embrace self-love and faith. Our mission is to love ourselves, share that love, and allow others to love us. OOOFFFF, deep.

This video absolutely BLEW MY MIND and gave me a new profound view of the human life purpose and the meaning of life. We really need to shift away from fear and logic and live a life centered on self-love, present moment awareness, spiritual growth, and view each challenge as an opportunity to learn and transform.

One MAJOR thing that stood out is that she said that we need to live in the present, remain in the NOW, and when our mind wonders (because it will) we must say to ourselves at the moment “I KNOW I AM SAFE”. I will be doing that from now on to ease my overthinking mind.

Personally, something else that I got from that video (which may sound weird but make sense to me) truly opened my eyes and took me back which was…

You are a child in school from the beginning you were born until the rest of your life in this world. The world is your classroom. You don't stop being a kid and you don’t stop learning. Every day is a new learning day. Your experiences are your lessons. You must create and experience new things daily. As a child would, you forget things and that’s why you have to constantly teach yourself. Routines are so important to the success and growth in your human life and creating a disciplined plan will keep your inner child and adult version on track to living a fulfilled life. NUTS and eye opening.

Some of you might have gotten this and some of you may think I’m crazy, and that’s ok. Did I drink the Kool Aid? Maybe. But I feel a lot lighter knowing that I live forever in different forms, and I need to enjoy my present form to the fullest while I am here by living fearlessly.

Watch the video and let me know what you think.

LOVE & LIGHT

Mariana

[itimodov5437]

Amplify Your Social Media Reach with AI Content Generation

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