#thot u were dead

[thisisthevoice]

Also had a dream that this random guy named Ed was at our function and I found my dad doing compressions on him. Not questioning that my dad has no idea how or when to do CPR, I jumped in and took over compressions and Ed woke up and was like. Hey why are you doing that

Only then was I like. Oh I probably should have done this first (palpates his carotid pulse and checks his respirations) oh...

Other people who were there took him to the hospital and when he got back I read his medical report. It basically said he was OK, with some deficits that would get better over time

One thing in the report was his result on the "Theseus Test". I guess the test entails localizing specific locations on an Atlas of the world? Don't see what that was supposed to be testing but ok

[urpaperboy]

I think if some of yall met me around this time last year, the only thing you’d be hearing is some twink going insane for an actor of the 80’s (I still do to this day and love watching and rewatching everything he’s on because he is so silly and awesome !! :3)

[isatoru]

i open tumblr and reblog shitposts post cringe reblog fanart check on mutualsz and then leave tumblr

[random-thot-generator]

Try a Little Tenderness

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Fem Reader

Summary: Simon has just returned home in the middle of the night from a mission in less than stellar condition. Understanding that he was in desperate need of some TLC, you put aside the ‘frenemy’ dynamic the two of you usually operate within to take care of him, instead. Your gentle ministrations elicit a reaction that neither of you expect, but perhaps have been yearning for all along.

Warnings: Language, explicit sexual content, touching of naughty bits - Simon gets a helping hand in the bath, fluff and feelings, no Y/N

(A/N: This is a thot connected to an idea I had for a series. Still not sure about the series, but what ev. 

This is just me exploring the intimate relationship between the characters. It is minor smut compared to what I usually write, meant to be a vulnerable moment for Simon, and for reader as well. I dunno, I feel like a certain amount of trust needs to be established before Simon allows himself to be with someone in an intimate way. 

For a little backstory, Reader is Simon’s housekeeper/roommate/frenemy. It’s been platonic up to this point, but there have been some charged moments leading up to this. This is the turning point in the relationship, the first time Simon allows himself to really indulge in reader’s attention and care. Reader and Simon have been living together for about a year by this point but have known each other for almost two. Simon’s pet name for reader is ‘Doll’; reader’s pet name for Simon is ‘Grumpy’.)

Word Count: 2777

It was almost midnight by the time Simon shuffled through his front door. He was dead on his feet, still wearing the same clothes he put on three days ago, covered in filth and stinking to high hell. He would normally have stayed on base, cleaned up, ate and retired to his quarters to rest, but for some reason, he’d texted you mid-flight to tell you he was on his way back. He hadn’t been expecting an immediate answer, but he got one.

[DOLL]: What’s ur ETA? I’ll wait up 4 u. Have u eaten? 

Simon had hovered over his phone, glancing about the plane, not sure how to respond. He supposed he didn’t have to stay on base. He’d just never had a reason to return home before. He knew he should tell you not to wait up, to go to bed, that he would see you tomorrow, but instead he found himself tapping out a different message.

[GRUMPY]: Landing in twenty. Be home approx 2hrs.

[DOLL]: I’ll be waiting. C u soon.

He re-read the message several times. ‘I’ll be waiting.’ This was new for him, having someone to go home to, having someone there expecting him, waiting up to see him. Sure, he had come home to you before, but not like this. This was... premeditated.

As he closed the door behind him and locked it, he heard your feet padding through the sitting room and turned. He couldn’t help the smile that spread under the balaclava when he saw you. You were dressed in one of his old T-shirts, a pair of flannel sleep shorts peeking out beneath the hem, and a pair of those ugly fuzzy socks on your feet. Your hair was loose and hanging down your back, not quite dry yet from an earlier shower, and your face was free of makeup. He liked seeing you like this better than any other way.

You were looking at him in that direct way that always got to him, assessing him, checking him over. He waited for one of your customary snarky greetings, but instead your brows furrowed.

“You look exhausted, Si. C’mere. Sit down,” you instructed, pointing at the entryway bench. Simon didn’t even hesitate, just did as he was told. He watched you kneel before him and start unlacing his boots.

“Ya don’t got t’do that, Doll. I can―“

“Si, hush,” you murmured, your voice soft and gentle. “I got this, okay? You’re home. Relax.”

He didn’t have it in him to argue, so let you have your way. You removed his boots and stuck them under the bench by his trainers, then stood and held your hand out. “C’mon. You need a bath.”

He let you lead him up the stairs, but instead of taking him to his ensuite bathroom, you led him down the hallway to the bathroom that you used. You motioned for him to sit down on the toilet while you stoppered the tub and turned on the taps. He watched with curiosity as you opened the cabinet below the sink, taking out a glass jar filled with some sort of pinkish granules, sprinkling a generous portion of it into the filling tub.

“Wha’s that?”

“Epsom salts with lavender and eucalyptus. It’ll help ease your sore muscles,” you told him, replacing the jar in the cabinet. You turned to look him over again. “Let’s get you out of those dirty clothes. I’ll get you some clean ones once you’re in the bath. C’mon. Arms up.”

Simon thought about objecting. He was a grown man, he could undress himself, but as soon as he felt your hands on him, all complaints went right out the window. He held his arms out so you could pull the tail of his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans, shivering when he felt your fingers graze his lats as you peeled it up and over his head.

“I smell like shite,” he grumbled, embarrassed for you to be this close to him when he was in such a disgusting state.

You huffed, the sound low and amused. “You smell like a soldier who just got back from deployment. Believe me, I’ve smelled worse.” You motioned for him to stand again. Once he regained his feet, your hands went to his waist, undoing the belt and pulling it free, then you undid the button and fly of his jeans. You pushed them down until they bunched around his knees, then instructed him to lean on you while you tugged them off his legs.

And he just... let you. He had not had anyone care for him like this since his last stint in the medical bay, and that had been a male nurse with hands rougher than his own. He’d not had a woman care for him like this since he was a small boy, when his mother would get him ready for his bath. He felt his chest constrict, almost told you to stop, but your hand on the back of his calf silenced him.

“Foot up,” you said, letting him lean on you again as you stripped off first one sock and then the other. Once you straightened, you placed a hand at the small of his back and gave him a gentle push towards the tub. “I’ll go get you some clean clothes while you get in,” you said, then stooped to gather up his dirty things. “Be back in a minute.”

You left him staring after you, disappearing down the hallway. He turned back to the tub, eyeing the hot water lapping at the sides. Aromatic steam rose from its surface, too tempting to ignore. Pushing his underwear off his hips, he let them drop on the floor and stepped out of them, then climbed into the tub.

He groaned long and low as the hot water enveloped him, certain he had never felt anything better in his whole life. Closing his eyes, he dropped his head back on the edge, only then realizing that he still had on his balaclava. He hesitated for a moment, then reached up and pulled it off as well, dropping the dirty hood on top of his underwear. Fuck it. You’d seen his face before and hadn’t made a big deal out of it, didn’t even comment on it, really, just took it in stride like you did everything else.

He cracked an eye open when you re-entered the room, watching as you placed his clean clothes on the counter next to the sink. You opened another cabinet and removed some towels and a washcloth, glanced over at him, then opened a drawer and took out what looked like a pack of wipes and a squat, plastic jar with a pink lid. You brought it all to the tub with you and knelt by the side, near his head. You held up the pack of wipes and pointed at the black paint around his eyes.

“Figured these would help take that gunk off. I’ve got some cold cream, too. Can I...”

You wanted to touch his face. His mouth dropped open to say no, but then he closed it and swallowed. You were looking right at him, a normal expression on your face, not flinching away or averting your eyes. If it didn’t bother you, then he would allow it. For now. He gave a slow nod of assent.

You opened the pack of wipes and set them beside you, then opened the cold cream. “Lean your head back and close your eyes for me.”

Simon did as he was told, though his brain was sounding a klaxon alarm in his head. He was exposing his throat to someone, was closing his eyes and leaving himself vulnerable to your mercy. Did you see how tense he was? Could you see the muscles spasming as he fought not to move, to push you away, to fend you off like an enemy? Did you understand what this was doing to him right now?

Apparently, you did, at least to some extent. 

“Okay, Si. I’m going to put this cream around your eyes. It will feel cold, so don’t freak out. If you need to stop, just say the word. Alright?”

“Yeah,” he croaked out, waiting, steeling himself for the contact.

The first touch had him flinching, but he forced himself to remain still as you spread the cream around his eyes, working it in with your fingers in small circular motions. When you finished, you set the jar down and picked up the wipes. “I’m gonna clean all this off with these wipes. They’ll feel cold, too.”

This time, he only nodded, more relaxed now. Your touch had been soothing once he’d gotten used to it. It was... nice. He didn’t even twitch an eyelash when he felt the cool pressure of your fingers against his jaw, letting you tilt his head towards you. Your other hand began wiping gently at his face with one of the wipes. They smelled slightly floral, similar to the cold cream; he liked it.

It took several minutes to clean his face, neither of you saying anything. You were patient and methodical, cleaning away all the paint until none of it remained.

“Okay. Done with that,” you murmured, fingers moving from his face to his hair. “I’m going to wash your hair next, okay?”

“Hm,” he hummed in consent, not even bothering to open his eyes.

You wet his hair and then poured shampoo into your palm, working your hands together before placing them on his head. As your fingers curled and began to work his hair into a lather, Simon couldn’t help the low groan that rumbled out. It felt like heaven, the way your fingers massaged his scalp and neck. He could have whined when you stopped, but his breath hitched when he felt your fingertips under his chin, tilting his head back.

“Just need to rinse your hair, Grumpy. Keep your eyes closed.”

Again, he did as you instructed, not offering so much as a grunt of complaint when you rinsed his hair and then used the washcloth to dry his face. You raked your fingers through his hair, noting how choppy and uneven it was. Maybe he’d let you cut it some time, but for now, you would stick to what you knew he would allow.

“How ‘bout I wash your back for you and then I’ll go downstairs and make you something to eat while you finish your bath?”

He blinked his eyes open and stared at you. The steam and trapped heat from the bath were making you sweat, a light sheen making your skin gleam in the warm light. He had the sudden urge to run his thumb up your throat, collect the moisture beading there and taste it. He felt his cock give a twitch of interest below the water and brought his bent knees closer together. Grasping the edges of the tub, he pulled himself in to a sitting position, back bowed towards you.

Pleased to see him so cooperative, you dunked the washcloth in the water and grabbed your body wash, squirting out a couple of dollops. Working the cloth in your hands until you had a good lather, you rested one hand on his shoulder and used the other to slowly scrub the cloth over his back in large circles. You could feel the tension easing out of his shoulders, watched his head tip forward until he finally crossed his forearms on his knees and rested his forehead against them.

When you were done with his back, you didn’t stop, moving up to his shoulders and then down his arm. He leaned back, studying the way you washed each finger, working the cloth between them. You glanced up at him. “Other arm?”

He twisted around and held his arm out to you, resting his wrist on the edge of the tub. You washed it with as much care as you had the other, leaning over the tub to reach his underarm. When you went to slide the cloth away, he caught your wrist and pulled it to the center of his chest. He then closed his eyes and leaned back, letting his head rest against the edge again.

Slow circles worked the lathered cloth over his broad chest and collarbones, and you smiled when he tipped his chin up to let you wash his neck. A soft breath hissed between his lips as your hand dipped below the water’s surface to wash his sides and stomach, his brows ticking together when you brought the cloth back up. He shifted, his knees going wide to lean against the sides of the tub.

You were beginning to feel heat simmering in your lower belly that sent a blush creeping up your neck. “Do, uh... I can wash your legs next. If you like.”

He caught your hand in his, eyes still closed, and pushed it beneath the water again. “Wash here,” he replied, his voice like gravel in his throat.

You held your breath as he guided your hand down to his cock, let him wrap your fingers around its swollen girth and hold them there. His chest was rising and falling, chin tipping forward to rest on it when he felt you grip him tighter. Your lips parted as you gave him a tentative stroke, your breath puffing out in little pants as you watched him let out a shuddering breath, his eyes rolling open to reveal a lust-dazed expression before sliding closed again.

Your hand slid up and down his shaft in slow, even strokes, working him gradually, wanting him to enjoy what you were doing to him. His pleasure incited your own, and you could feel your panties grow damp with your arousal as you watched him slowly fall apart. He was panting now, head lolling back once more, hooded, hazy eyes staring up at the ceiling, his knuckles going white as they gripped the edge of the tub.

Your thighs squeezed together when a wrecked moan tore from his lips as you worked at him beneath the cloudy water, wishing it was clear enough for you to see him as well as feel him. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, the feel of his hot length pulsing in your hand almost too much to bear.

“Ah, fuck...” he huffed out, his back beginning to curl forward. He lifted his eyes to yours, mouth open and panting, a look of near desperation on his face. His hand came up to grip the nape of your neck, drawing you close until his forehead rested against yours, holding your gaze. His nose brushed against yours in an intimate caress, lips almost touching, the two of you sharing the same air. “Don’t stop,” he husked out.

The speed of your strokes increased, your hand slipping up to focus on the head, making his knees draw up as he tensed. You could feel him swelling in your hand, growing bigger and harder as he neared his release. His eyes grew wide, mouth falling open as his jaw went slack.

“It’s okay, Simon,” you whispered to him, “I got you,” and that was all the prompting he needed.

His grip turned into a vice on the nape of your neck as he erupted beneath the surface of the water, and he growled against your mouth, teeth gritting into a snarl as he pulsed in your hand. You didn’t stop stroking him until his eyes closed and grip loosened on your neck, his breaths puffing out in exerted gasps over your lips.

You let him rest against you, not bothering to move or say anything, wanting him to have this quiet moment, to just relax in the knowledge that he was home and safe, that you were here for him. You closed your eyes and let yourself enjoy the moment as well, relishing the quiet, the peace.

Simon’s eyes flickered open, not sure what to expect, only to find your eyes closed, lashes shadowing your cheeks, a gentle smile on your face. You looked so calm, so at peace. You looked... content.

You blinked your eyes open, startled, when you felt the hesitant press of his lips against yours, but you didn’t shy away, instead letting him feel you smile against his lips before you tenderly kissed him back.

[themultifanshipper]

ok hi hello i have a little bit of a switch up ask for u 👉👈 could u mayhaps do a lil oscar thing that's just stupid cute angst where the reader is having some self esteem issues and oscar notices bc he's staying with lando in monaco after the race and them + some friends are planning on going out to what happens to be readers favorite club or bar but reader isn't feeling it. oscar immediately cancels and stays at landos n just. comfort fluffy bullshit please i beg <3

also pls flood my inbox with thots/requests bc i will be flying home from seoul tomorrow and i need shit to do on the plane pls and thank u

Made it a bit smutty at the end bc that’s what I do, yanno?

Warnings: bit of angst, lil bit of fluff, smut at the end, friends to lovers type shenanigans.

You were excited at first, going out to your favorite club, with your favourite boys, in your favourite city.

You and Oscar were staying at Lando’s flat in Monaco, excitedly getting ready to go out when everything started to go wrong, bit by bit.

Your hair wasn’t laying how you liked it and it frustrated the hell out of you. It had been fine all week and now suddenly, on the night you knew there would probably be cameras around, it was being a bitch.

Then there was the outfit. Oscar had picked it out for you, and it was truly gorgeous, but you weren’t convinced you would do it justice, especially if your damn hair was going to be a catastrophe, along with your skin that had suddenly decided to become oily as fuck.

Then there was the sight of your body as you passed the mirror. It wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but you had eaten a big meal earlier so you felt a bit bloated, your mind exaggerating the barely-there bulge that Oscar insisted nobody (including him) would notice. But you weren’t a skinny, hairless, bronze goddess of a model, like most of the women they frequented, and you knew the media would pick you to pieces if you didn’t look perfect for the cameras.

So you started to spiral, and locked yourself in the bathroom.

You had no idea how much time passed until Oscar inevitably came knocking.

“I can’t go out Oscar!” You called out in a shaky voice.

Worried, he tried to open the door and found it locked so he knocked on the door harder.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“It’s too much for me, Osc. Everything is shit! My hair is shit, my body sucks, everyone’s gonna laugh at me because I don’t fit in with you lot” Your voice cracked as tears started clouding your vision.

Oscar started panicking slightly and he tried the door again, with no luck.

“Please open the door, I'm sure everything's fine! I don’t kno-“  he was interrupted by Lando coming around the corner.

“Mate, they’re waiting for us at the club. How long you gonna be?”

“Uhhm…” Oscar said, unhelpfully.

“I’m not going Lando!” You called through the door.

Lando lifted an eyebrow at Oscar in confusion.

“You go, we’ll catch up.”

Lando nodded and sauntered off, leaving Oscar on his own in dead silence. After a while you asked, “Is he gone?” as you got up from where you’d been sitting on the floor and approached the door to listen out for any movement.

“Yeah, please open the door now, it’s just me” Oscar said softly.

You did so and he gasped at the sight of you.

“Sweatheart, you look amazing!” He took your face in his hands, thumbs wiping away the tears “Your eyes are a bit puffy, sure, but your hair looks fine! And that bangin’ bod of yours in that? I knew it would look stunning on you!” He wrapped his arms around you and you giggled wetly into his neck.

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not. You look like a wet dream come true!”

“Awww, Osc. Don’t go sappy on me.”

He laughed as the hug ended, a bit too early for your liking, and you just stood there smiling at each other like idiots.

You broke the tension with a sigh and picked your phone up to check the time.

“I don’t want to go out Osc, I’m really not feeling it tonight.”

“No problem, I’ll stay in with you”

“You don’t have to-”

“But I want to”

“Osc, you got p2, you need to go out and cele-“

He didn’t let you finish as he kissed you gently to shut you up, and when you got over your initial shock, you deepened the kiss, his hand came up to cup the back of your head and the other slid around your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss got more passionate.

You separated, eventually needing air, and panted into each other’s mouths.

“That’s better than a p2, baby. I’ve waited a long time to do that.”

“I love you, Osc”

He grinned and squeezed you tightly as he kissed your forehead “God, I love you too sweetheart.”

You were both sat on the sofa, drinking a glass of probably very expensive wine you found in Lando’s pantry, still in your fancy clothes (although fancy for Oscar meant a white shirt and black jeans), chatting about how the two of you had been dancing around each other for years.

Oscar put his empty glass down on the table. “You know, just because we’re staying in doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun” His hand wandered up your arm, to your neck, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind then?” You asked

“Dunno” His expression remained neutral, but his voice betrayed his amusement. “We could take our clothes off and see how we go from there?”

You giggled, putting your own glass down and shuffling closer to him “Sounds like a plan.”

You all but ripped each other’s clothes off in your haste to get naked. He gently prised your legs apart as he sucked two of his fingers into his mouth, getting them wet before testing the waters and sinking one inside you.

You both groaned, you because he could reach deeper than you ever could on your own, him because you were so hot and wet and tight.

It didn’t take long to get to three fingers, stretching you out before he withdrew completely and lined himself up, rubbing his cock through your folds a few times to get it nice and wet.

When he slid into you, it felt like coming home after a long day, like this is where he belonged. He stayed like that for a minute, hips still and head in the crook of your neck, as he tried to concentrate on not coming immediately.

When he was ready, he leaned up to kiss you and mumbled “I love you, so much” against your lips, before pulling out a bit and then giving an experimental thrust, which drove you both wild. He was so thick, his cock stretching you in the most delicious way, that you whined at every movement, and his hips quickly picked up speed.

You could only cling on to him as the pleasure was almost too much, your orgasm building too fast, making you tighten around his cock as he drove it deeper and deeper into you.

You tried to convey something to him, but the only thing that came out was a pathetic whimper.

He got the message anyway, a hand slinking down to rub messy circles into your clit, sending you hurtling over the edge as your vision blacked out.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Come on my cock, fuck-” and with that he reached his own end, pumping you full of him, as he gently ground his hips into yours, bringing you down slowly, the two of you in complete bliss.

Let’s just say, after that day, Lando had to replace his now stained sofa, and he never let you both stay at his place again.

[joelsbeard]

haha it’s me again, ur writing is srsly addicting you’re never getting rid of me😝

could u mby write some hcs for joel and reader when they’re parents? let’s say they had sarah and she’s in the energetic kiddie stage so they literally never get to fuck anymore because they have to worry about her all the time, so when they do get some alone time they js go crazy with it?

little specific and i’m sorry about that😭😭 js wanted to see what ur thots on this areeee<333

LMAO the pre-outbreak!joel horny gets to all of us!!! I'm also planning on writing some fluffier stuff too with joel, reader, sarah, and ellie as well :)

Joel would be so understanding with not pushing you to do anything you don't want to, especially after giving birth. He tells you he'll wait as long as he needs to until you're ready ❤️ You also can't keep your hands off your man tho lol so you end up waiting ~ 2 months to have sex (doesn't mean you weren't fooling around before tho hehe)

He loved your body before you were pregnant, while you were pregnant, and after giving birth!! He thinks the extra meat on you (lol) and cute little lightning marks are adorable bc it just means you went through all of carrying and growing his baby and giving birth ❤️🥺

And he's always like "you're so beautiful thank you for growing our babies and protecting them for 9 months 🥺"

Obviously once you have sarah you guys are sleep deprived as hell during the little free time you get, but you also enjoy just spending time together as a family of 3 or just having the time to cuddle when she's asleep or if tommy is helping watch her.

Your first time together after giving birth is probably a little nerve wracking but it ends up all just being in your head since you and joel make sure to go slow, and if anything is sore he always stops to check in with you first 🥺

Once you adjust and it starts feeling good you're like "godd, did you get thicker since last time? You feel so fucking big babe🥺😭" and joel almost cums right there hearing you say how big he is 🥵 meanwhile he just laughs and is like "you're too sweet baby. But god you feel so damn tight, I can feel you squeezing my cock, you feel so damn good baby" and bc its been 2 months he's trying his best not to cum in like 5 seconds lol

Joel Miller is a tits man. I mean tbh he loves your tits and your ass, even your tummy and lil toes lol but if he was held at gunpoint and needed to pick one I would think he's a tits man.

He probably went nuts when you were pregnant watching your tits get huge lol, even when sarah's nursing he'll look over and be like "those were mine first little miss, fyi 😠" LOL or he'll always find excuses to stop what he was doing just so he can watch you and look at your tiddies like 😍 😭 men 🙄

Sarah and ellie probably both prefer eating directly from the boob vs bottles lol and whenever it's joels turn to take care of them he tries to give you alone time so you can rest, so when ellie or sarah are hungry and he has to feed them with the bottle and they wrinkle their noses and push his hand away he's like "i know, i'd prefer the real thing too huh babygirl, but you gotta work with me here so mama can get some rest" LMAO

I'm not gonna lie, once you and joel are fully sexually active again after 2 months, since it can be so hard for you to find time together and you also don't wanna leave sarah with someone else yet, when she's dead to the world you probably get a little handsy with each other 😭 you're like, she's only 3 months and she's asleep, she's not gonna be aware of what we're doing 😭. You guys are just too desperate for each other to let that opportunity slide lol. Or sometimes she'll be in her bassinet, her crib, or in her play pen and you and joel will take the baby monitor and go to some part of the house so he can finally rail you 😭

When she's around 3 or 4 and is more independent, you'll have tommy babysit her for a couple of hours at his house or something so you guys can finally get some alone time (thank god for uncle tommy lol) and he knows you two ask him to babysit to give yourselves a little break from running around after her, but also bc he knows yall need some of that alone time lol.

It was hard the first couple of times you had someone else watch sarah (even if its tommy) bc you and joel are such helicopter parents and you're always worried about your lil babygirl lol, but you guys also missed having that time between just the two of you

Joel probably gets a little more handsy with you at home than usual bc with taking care of sarah it's not like you can fuck when you want to, so he just has to settle for giving you more ass grabs and grinding his bulge against your ass like a perv when he hugs you from behind LMAOO

It's not always him that initiates it though, you'll rub your foot up and down his leg sometimes or wiggle your ass on his crotch lol and he'll be like "you think it's funny to tease me like that knowing i can't do anything huh baby? just wait til i get you back for that" but he can never tease you too bad bc he wants you too much and he feels bad sometimes when he makes you beg too much lol

When your milk ducts are clogged you know damn well who's helping you out with them lol. I mean, what can he do it's not like he wants to see his girl in pain 🥺 it's just a bonus that he enjoys helping lol. He's like I ain't no bitch if my girl's in pain imma help her even if it means i have to drink her damn breastmilk lol (not that he even minds it in the first place tho 😭 he basically gets an excuse to suck on your tiddies)

Or sometimes they get so full and sore and you're just like :( "babe my boobs are so sore :(" and joel of course is like 😈 "oh no my poor baby, you want me to hold them for you?" you always say yes lol, and maybe end up fucking oop

It probably turns him on knowing that not only did you carry and grow his baby for 9 months but that even after birth you continue to nurture her from your own body bc women are just amazing like that lol

When Sarah was around 4-5 you guys were full on fucking in the morning and you made the mistake of not locking your door (you were still getting used to having a child living in your house lol) and she ran in bc she wanted to bug you two to ask for breakfast. thank god she doesn't remember it much afterwards (but you and joel do 😳) and you just told her you were having a really big hug before you sent her to her room saying you'd be there in a minute. Poor joel basically went totally soft after that 😭

Other times you'd just make sure she was really focused on playing with her little dolls or watching a movie and you and joel would go to your room to fuck 😭

[puppet-purgatory]

season 6 thots

saved all my complimence and criticisms until the end for all our sakes

The new Professor puppet is great and I love him. He looks cuddly as shit, and I hope he continues to get more fun outfits.

Shane please put arm rods on the Professor I’m begging. If u can move his hands he’ll look so much more animated and can do a lot of funny shit that way

I enjoyed this season’s theme of “people who, no matter where or what they were, decided to just do some batshit stuff in life” and didn’t make us think in absolutes of They Were Obviously Evil/Good and let us draw our own conclusions.

(It also fit with Ryan and the Professor’s character arcs imo- they’ve both made mistakes, and the Antarctica episode Especially is about leaders whose personal shortcomings lead to uhhhh Death! so)

THAT BEING SAID I am WAITING for a follow up on the Catholic church’s abuse where it’s condemned. It was not right at all for that hat to get off scot free like it did. Send his ass to hell

idk who exactly writes the songs for puppet history but the fact they can write something that flops as hard as the Dragon's song and then something with the genuinely stunning vocabulary and imagery of Antarctica's is fucking insane.

i love the horse subplot going on. fuck elmer walter williams. go dorothy ruth murphy. chase the truth. while im at it? go dinosara. i'm so happy for her

season was a Bit Eurocentric imo. disappointing

the production quality of the puppets has increased so drastically. it's genuinely pleasing to see this medium being treated well even by amateur performers. i extend a Big Bravo to the cast & crew at Watcher!!!

i'm neither disappointed nor glad about the "lack" of lore- it's one of my favorite parts of the show, but what i love most is just getting to watch it and learn new things. however if you guys didnt want us asking so many questions you shouldn't have made such a cute and fun Host and cast of supporting characters to get attached to<3

already looking forward to next season, though i'm predicting a holiday special along the same lines as the funeral one- i think halloween is an appropriate time to find out what happened to all our "dead" friends and foes dont u 🤔 but maybe that is Wishful Thinking.....

[amourtoken]

waitt okok how do we feel about Ari finding out you have a daddy kink OR him making you call him that in bed despite your incredibly apparent shyness towards doing such a thing. also, a little thot that's been cooking in my rotten brain is his reaction to you sending him nudes.... like, going back to the idea of you texting him (just as he said you would) because of how badly you need him, you have the idea of 'showing' him exactly what you're dealing with. and it'd be rlly rude of him to leave u alone with your pretty pussy aching.

Its 6 in the morning!!!! Fuck!!!! I'll definitely write more for this later when my brain is functioning but here's my first thoughts

I think part of the whole reason he finds you so fun to fuck with is because you're so shy about everything. It makes sense, you kinda have no idea what you're doing, he just threw you in the ocean and told you to swim essentially. You obviously feel for him though you're just not as outright about things as he is and he's dead set on forcing those thoughts out of you one way or another.

he loves how red your face gets when he makes you say anything out loud though. He knows how to get under your skin and it takes damn near no effort for him so of course he's gonna do it often. He knows what you want but where's the fun in giving in right away? He'll tease you at his own expense till he's satisfied.

"Not gonna touch you till you tell me where you want me to. Use your words."

"Who's fuckin' pussy is this? Say it."

"You're so needy. Maybe if you beg daddy for some dick he'll give it to you."

He's literally the devil and will go as far as to pull out entirely if you call him the wrong thing. Doesn't matter if he was close or not, he's willing to edge himself just to get you all embarrassed and teary eyed before filling you up again.

As for the nudes thing, he's a fiend for that shit and eats it up every time. He doesn't wanna pressure you, but any skin you wanna show him he's happy to receive. I think it'd start innocently tbh, you sending him pics of the dress you threw on for a date and asking if it was too much. He took ages to respond, you wondered why. Does he not like it? You were about to change when you finally got a text back-

"Fuck babygirl you look so good. That dress would look nicer on the floor tho just saying."

he does actually love how it looks on you, the way it compliments your curves just right and makes your tits look amazing. He took forever to respond cause he's a freak and was stroking his cock to the pics you sent.

"You should show me."

You'd just finished getting ready but who are you to deny any requests from him? You'd never really done this so it felt sort of awkward, slipping the dress off and sending him a Pic of you in the mirror wearing the lacey set he got you recently. Ari groaned out loud at the sight but obviously he can't just stop there, opting to send a video of him fucking his fist to the pics of you and asking for more. It definitely caught you off guard but sent a violent swarm of butterflies to your belly too. You stripped entirely before sending more pics back to him, and it rlly didn't take long before you received a video of him spilling cum down his knuckles.

"Wish you were here to clean this up :( come over."

[borathae]

chapter 1

“Thank you good sir” i havent seen this in a serious manner in a long time, and laughed cuz it sounded like 1890s memes 😭 im sorry

pulls the door open with ease. NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

“I’ve been a student here for quite some time actually” this sits at the same table as "how long have you been 17? a while"

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

“At least I don’t look like a stoner from the seventies” JIN STOP, HOBI U LOOK AMAZING

funky what is funky why is funky when is funky where is funky how is funky who is funky

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

4 HOUR LECTURE ON ONE TOPIC?? BOI I WOULD HAVE DIED AND RESURRECTED IN THAT TIME. i have 2 hour lectures with 5 minute after an hour and its amazing

"No reason really”, *plays why u always lying meme

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

ofc kook is a sports major

rest of the Alpha dirt”, damn hoseok really got beef with them

status from royal blood? eww hoseok is slay for that *me acting like i wasnt being a thot while reading yoongi, tae, kook drabbles/oneshots

FUCK SOCIETY

“Dear lord, give me strength”, jin and joon with bangtan

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

also its the way she is making friends and talking to people LIKE SHE SPOKE WORDS YALL could never be me, sure i would have asked someone to help me to my classes but i wouldnt be talking after that, would have said im busy even though im not

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

“Perfect, now that everyone is welcomed accordingly. an example of when theater theaters in the most theater form

It leaves you wondering what he meant with that. u know what he meant by that, this is where you do the whole twilight thing

“I feel I just witnessed a man high on three different drugs theatre kids in a nutshell (apparently people on tumblr are either gay, english major or a theatre kid, and i sent the meme to my friends, guess what they said................... "looks like you fit all three category" our schools dont have it, but im apparently a theatre kid to them 😭)

WHY DOES THIS MAN WANT TO KILL ME SHUT UP I HATE YOU GO AWAY *gets closer again

How is he walking that quietly you walk with your entire feet, part by part, like in those "special" shoes ads, that helps in reducing sound. slow yet quick

“well, that is indeed a predicament.” oof so elegant, classy, AND RUDE (there 2seok, happy?)

your voice actually comes out squeaky. girl mine would have came quiet yet squeaky way before 😭

BABY CONNECT THE DOTS HOW DID THEY GET THAT FAST QUIETLY??

let’s get the 1860 one.” IS SHE THAT SPECIAL?? WHATS GOING ON AAAH

Seokjin actually answers him with a quiet “yeah!” OFC HE WOULD DO THAT

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

If you died here tonight EXACTLY U GONNA DIE BYE GIRL, YOU WILL (NOT) BE MISSED jk jk lol

ig kook is scared of girls *eww that was cringe bye Maybe he just needed to take a really urgent shit OH MY GOD PLS😭😭 this is going to stay in my mind forever, everytime i see him running im gonna think of this no doubt

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

you must have the crispiest oxygen sounds like an indian water ad, that said "more of oxygen " Arrey yaar h2o water has not turned into h2o2 toxic hydrogen peroxide 😭

i love ur descriptions, they are very picturable and i love the vibes. it is soo good, i could smell the place? the seats, library, just the university smell, restaurant. it was great. i dont think my words do any justice lol

NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

I think this is like a universal human experience to push a few pull doors lmaooa

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

questions over question mhmhmmhm

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

QUESTIONS OVER QUESTIONS INDEED

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

honestly? i gotta be honest with you, don't think too deeply about the logistics of her studies. i chose her courses for the sake of plot and nothing else LMAOAO

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

coolio still slaps like 10/10 word (also you see how I made them using "outdated" words wink wink almost as if they were from a different time wink wink)

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

BADBOY YOONGI AWOO

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

THEY ARE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT

ofc kook is a sports major

djjfja thinking back, it makes no sense for him to also study JFJDAFJ (you'll understand it later fasdjfj)

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

HAHHHAHAH he may have tricked you fadjfjas

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

yes it's a game fakdsfka in theory he studies dance PLEASE don't think too much about the logistic I literally just went with vibes

also its the way she is making friends and talking to people LIKE SHE SPOKE WORDS YALL could never be me, sure i would have asked someone to help me to my classes but i wouldnt be talking after that, would have said im busy even though im not

i get both sides like i would want to make friends but would be too scared that they would hate me FADJFJ if people like 2seok talked to me though? helloooooo :)

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

hahahahhaha this part is actually so embarassing bHAHAHHAHAHAH

“I feel I just witnessed a man high on three different drugs theatre kids in a nutshell (apparently people on tumblr are either gay, english major or a theatre kid, and i sent the meme to my friends, guess what they said................... "looks like you fit all three category" our schools dont have it, but im apparently a theatre kid to them 😭)

i don't get the hate on theater kids, all I see is people who don't fit into the "societal norm" and are therefore labelled as weird losers. we don't have stuff like "theater kid" or "sports kid" in Austria either becuse school is solely there to study not to offer clubs but I still never understood the weird hatered some clubs get in America jfdjfa

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

👀👀👀👀

ig kook is scared of girls *eww that was cringe bye Maybe he just needed to take a really urgent shit OH MY GOD PLS😭😭 this is going to stay in my mind forever, everytime i see him running im gonna think of this no doubt

as for now it seems like he is ooooh 👀

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

SUSPICIOUS INDEED MHHHHM

i love ur descriptions, they are very picturable and i love the vibes. it is soo good, i could smell the place? the seats, library, just the university smell, restaurant. it was great. i dont think my words do any justice lol

OMGG THANK YOU!! gosh this is actually such a big compliment :( I'm so happy to know that I managed to really make you exprience the place gaaah thank you for this review heheh 💜💜

[tacticalhimbo]

i knew u were gonna serve me gta LMAO so i am also doing the same for u 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

SAME BRAIN [send me a fandom] imma answer for 5 mostly bc i remember more about it than 4 but just know i have my thots and thoughts(tm) there too—

The first character I first fell in love with: oh man oh man.. it was davey. not even gonna lie. i was respectfully looking at the big three (michael, trev, franklin), but like. i dunno! i saw davey and was like yeah 😌💕 fdjasklfjaslfjsdf

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: haines. i just. i wanna put him in a test tube and shake him and then pour him onto a slide and study him under a microscope. what is his deal. i must know. i hate everything he embodies and he gives me the ick but also... 👀

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: ... lazlow. i'm sorry i just. cannot. find it in me. JFLKAJDSFLASJF. i see the appeal!! he's just a guy!! pathetic man! hell i love his comments with mikey in the tattoo shop calling him papa bear (bc same, honestly) but i still get too much ick from him.

The character I love that everyone else hates: hmmm... ngl i don't see a lot of content for her so i can't say if people really hate her. but tracey. i love tracey. if tracey de santa has no fans i am dead. she's spoiled and rich and yada yada but man... her idle dialog makes me so sad she deserves the love and care she is clearly not getting from her family.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: i can't think of an answer for this either! i still love brucie (again, he only shows up in online but whateverrrr) but not? as much? i'm actually normal about him. he's just a guy to me. so.

The character I would totally smooch: lamar... ☺️☺️☺️ i love him too okay he's the character ever. he has his problems but that is literally the entire cast. there is not one healthy motherfucker in the entirety of san andreas

The character I’d want to be like: hmmmmm... again, not one healthy motherfucker in the entirety of san andreas but if i had to pick one... gay tony. yea yea he only shows up in online whatever ok he is living his best life owning the pc's nightclub like he escaped everything from liberty city and is still in contact with his son (re: luis, who is not his actual son but may as well be) and spends his time browsing himplants enhancing surgery and fucking it up on the dance floor. as he should.

The character I’d slap: jimmy (affectionate). he's the younger brother i'm sorry as an older brother i am legally obligated. serious answer is dr. friedlander. fuck dr. friedlander all my homies hate dr. friedlander.

A pairing that I love: imma be real i don't look at many gta ships so i can't say i really love any of them if i don't know them. i see the appeal of trikey so i'll say that one-

A pairing that I despise: controversial take... michael and amanda. yes i know they are legally married. yes i know they "work things out" in the end bc they are both bad(tm) for one another. but my brother in christ if i were her and my husband threatened to kill me in front of my children during a therapy session... i'm sorry i'm going to our witsec contacts and telling them we need an OUT. i have so many gripes with friedlander in general (and yes yes i know satire; i will still complain about it as it's a big plot point in the central story) but letting that slide... OUGHHHHH.

[starberriemilk]

your kromer au sounds banger let me hear the lore!!! (i dont follow u but i saw ur post on my dash and thot it was epic)

OKAY WELL... That's a long story so it'll be under the cut!

While the K corp staff came to save Dante and the sinners, some of the HP bullets leaked out of a misfire onto Kromer, giving her partial healing and stabilization... We know the bullets are more about turning things back to how they were instead of healing, but it was not enough to turn Kromer to how she was before Demian tried to kill her. It only healed her open wounds and regenerated just a bit of her lower body.

K corp security kinda sweeped a whole lot of the dead N corp inquisitors that were killed by the sinners and piled them upon a trash pile somewhere. Including Kromer because looking at how she looked like everyone would assume she's dead.

AND HERE COMES THE CRINGE- I and my partner have that one OC fixer office, but they don't really have any designs or anything yet so you can just pretend it's a random fixer office. The thing is they got a job to secure the N corp corpses, cause I'm sure some people would just. Steal that.

But then they saw Kromer and realized she's still alive, and since she looked in such a bad condition- literally not having any limbs, with blood everywhere, they kinda decided to save her life and take her to their office. They were actually working on some cool prosthetics before, so they kind of, got them on Kromer without her consent. Additional info is that they didn't even know it's The One Who Grips because she looked so different...

So then Kromer woke up with prosthetics and you can tell she was not happy. She lost everything and became the sheer thing she promised to destroy. But this leads to a redemption arc... I feel like at some point, she'd just accept that prosthetics aren't that bad when they're used to making your life better. She'd regret what she did and all... Maybe even Kromer would want to apologize to Sinclair and be friends with him again, just how they were friends when they were kids minus manipulation...

I also have some lore about how she met Aida in this AU since they're girlfriends there, but it's not much in depth. Basically they met in a bar when Kromer was depressed cause of all that stuff with having prosthetics- They hooked up, hook ups became frequent, then they realized they're in love with each other and started dating... And after some years they became parents to a baby girl named Winter :3 (Kromer isn't the best mother but she tries her best)

SO YEAH THAT'S THE KROMER LORE IN THIS AU I LOVE HER

[kamil-a]

bbl thots zoomed from my brain

ONE. i keep waiting for the explanation of the humancentricity of the backgrounds- CUPS WITH STRAWS. BUNK BEDS. **MICROSCOPES FOR HUMAN EYES**. esp when bird vs human society is such a big topic in game- even the birds who want to be free of humans still measure themselfs by human yardsticks.

-from osmosis ithought hitori and the teacher were in love. but they were the same person. and nageki's brother ;__; it was brotherly grief that hurt him actually....

-*******shuus actual real largest shakespearian fatal flaw is that he failed to consider that other birds aren't as thrilled about murder as he is******

-TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-he lost nageki that way and his whole project was a bust because ryouta didnt want to kill people!!!!

-haha shuu unrequited crush on ryuouta's dad

-they really only call his voice actors for mlm roles of some degree of eviltude huh

iwant to believe he was still into the killings even then. on the down low or something.

-ryouta and hiyoko rookie mistake wishing for a world where birds and humans 'dont fight' as oppose to 'live together in peace'. wish stories 101

-i think i was expecting much more of like.... a 'mystery' rather than 'a lot of twists thrown at me in rapid succession', but i would love to redo bbl and see if it is in fact 'solvable'. i hope so!!

-even if its solvable tho you have to admit its silly. i was expecting 'a silly game thats actually serious' but got 'a silly game thats actually silly in a different way'

-which isnt bad!!! just talking expectations vs reality

-so the doves party (pro human_) is willing to use humans unethically to power their robots and the hawk party (pro bird) is willing to create a situation where hundreds of bird students are huirt/killed to get the human killing bird out into their midst. politics is hell.

-with full full context shuu route is even funnier he didnt just risk the dome he risked the dome while THROWING OUT HIS EXPERIMENTAL SUBJECT HES WORKED ON FOR YEARS. cause she annoyed him into killling her. his other fatal flaw is choosing short term satisfaction over long term goals. risk it all.

-so lets get this straight. isa x ryuoutadad unrequited Feelings Of Some Kind (lets assume it was a crush) -> ryuoutadad dies -> hey if you see my kid [i was threatened.mp4 voice IF you see him like dont go out of your way] <- thats canon by the way that he was told not to go out of his way about it im p sure .

ANYWAY. IFFF you see my kid can you help him out with stuff -> just hoppin along down the street evilstyle when i see his kid and his bestie crying for the girl's dead parents -> oh ryuota is there anything i can do to fulfill a wish -> [FAILS WISHMAKING 101] ->

shuu searches for the deadliest disease -> nageki you will help me kill everybody -> he hates this -> kills himself -> hitori finds out -> changes name and becomes teacher to find the rest of nagekis body -> ryouta hows your tummy pretty good it doesnt seem -> turned into the charon carrier -> nagekis in ryoutas liver now -> i dont wanna murder people -> is ok i can brainwash u into wanting to murder people -> noo rly -> nageki brother has a shadow evil moment about it -> shuu lives and rejoins the gang as their evil gay uncle i hope -> also hiyoko's brain and ghost are there and she and ryouta are gonna explore alt timelines in their brains with alarming accuracy while they wait for things to get fixed.

i think.

[lucifers-horror-harem]

Surprise Bitches I bet u thought I was dead besides reblogging memes! Well u were only partially right!!!

Anyways yadda yadda real life blah blah forgot i had backlogs of gifs i had to share weemboo beemboo riting wurds is hord

I wanna try to get back in the writing zone (as i say every time i come back from not writing in a while lol original much) cause Halloween is coming up and for once I'm starting to feel good again, have been getting out of the house and going on vacation and trying to build a resume to get tf outta my shitty job, etc etc.

So as always, if you have fun things to tell me, ideas to share, maybe some random horny slasher/my oc thots to yell at me then please feel free to! Idk what else to say so uhhhhhh idk get hyped for Halloween my slutty slutty pals!

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft edition, Fundertainment Land Arc, part 4

You are presently standing in the line for the Grinder, it being the most popular attraction at the park, its a giant roller coaster with an aesthetic like a slaughter house. “Do they have haggis?” "Oh...a roller coaster like that. This will be fun.” “You still think that? Here?” "You couldn't tell I'm freaking out a bit by my gritting my teeth?” “No, we’re in a non-visual medium.” "Oh good, we're making waves! They said just before the oncoming tsunami…" "As long as it isn't a sludge tsunami…" “So, we standing here or you want me to clear out the line?” "It would probably be best if we follow the rules. After all these hooks may not be entirely for show.” "Oh god, this ride goes closest to the lab, he is abducting people to experiment on!” "We've humiliated the lords by surviving this long. We are now the star attraction.” As you get strapped in, the worker in a butchers outfit looks at you with dead eyes. "You're all gonna die.” Poom: "So what else is new?” Eventually you turn a corner and go into a tunnel, it’s pitch black, with the sound of machinery and screaming around you. Edmund: “Who would willingly subject themselves to this!?” Jonni: “Kids about to get Isekei-ed?” Gorbash: “WEEEEEEEEEEE!” Jonni limps down the corridor with Nyx attached to her leg. When you reach the double doors and push them open, the first thing that hits your nose is the smell, the stench of death in decay. Poom: "I'm getting flashbacks to Tuesdays.” [monster pic] Gorbash: "OH NOT YOU FUCKS AGAIN!” Edmund: “I don’t recognize that at all.” Jonni: “You were naked in another man’s castle.” Nyarlathotep: "Ah, the grindhouse riff-raff.” Gorbash: “I think this is the one whose ass Vesh was kicking before we went into their terrible meat and surgery dimension.” “Eddie! Tetanus booster!” "Be at peace, for I am the Angel TriVia, of where the three roads meet.” “I’m gonna make him dead! Or disassembled! Depending on how he identifies!” “MARSHAL, YOU HAVE FINALLY COME HOME TO PAPA.” Jonni looks over to Marshall. “Kumquat?” Poom: "Which one is Kumquat?” "My father was Vine ‘Brickface’ Samuels, Sheriff of Last Light.” "YOUR FATHER VAS A CALCULATOR AND YOUR MOTHER WAS A COIN OPERATED MECHANICAL BULL.” Gorbash: “...Well i didn't need that mental image.” "WHY MUST YOU BE SO DIFFICULT. All I want you to do is entertain people. AND THEN KILL THEM.” Jonni: “Jeebus K Muffinlips, can I PLEASE turn this guy inside out?” "I AM THE ONE WHO DOES THE DISEMBOWLING HERE YOU INFLAMMABLE THOT.” Jonni: “BECAUSE I DON’T DO KNIFE WORK! I’M JUST GONNA MAGIC IT SO YOUR INSIDES ARE YOUR OUTSIDES.” Gorbash: “...I don't think I've seen Marshal fuck-word angry. This is going to be quite the reckoning.” Okay for that one, when yo u guys start down the service tunnels, you see some....thing begin to emerge from the shadows, something made of bone and tar and bits of popcorn, but then it see's Marshal, see's what mood he is in, and it very quietly backs up and vanishes back into the darkness. Poom: "One of the smartest creatures we've encountered.” Gorbash: “Occasionally even the horrors of the deep are smart enough to realize when they don't want a piece of something.” Eventually you come to a three way fork in the road. Angel TriVia: <"MY time has come.”> "They had a sadistic demon child help them design this place, didn't they?” "Hello Molly.” “Apparently, yes.” Jonni pushes Edmund in front. "ACK! Hey! What the heck Jonni!?” “Don’t complain, you get to keep your pants this time.” "Someone else want to try their luck?” Poom steps forward. Edmund: "I trust Poom.” Poom: [rolls a 1] Edmund: “She's the kind of person who can —" Jonni: “I’ve never seen someone lose tic tac toe to themselves…” Edmund: "I think she was trying to play Candyland…" Azathoth: "Zzzzzzzhmp? What was that? I think I fell asleep.” Nyx: ”Darn it, Az, you were supposed to be giving Poom hints on how to win the game, not sleeping.” GM OOC: Which is why I'm thinking of a skill to use. OOC: Religion's +12 GM OOC: What are you going to do, appeal to the Tic Tac Toe gods? Poom: "Sorry about that: I didn't know everyone else played without real toes.” GM: Poom you remember yelling "KING" ME" and then everything went blank. “MIND CRUSH!” Poom: "I think that's my thing.” "You were a very challenging opponent." Edmund said with true admiration at a Tic Tac Toe connoisseur. "WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS PLACE AND MEAT!?” “I thought the Meat Man was a gnome?” "And THAT's why my cooking is a curse.” Gorbash: “Fuck this place.” Poom: "That's what we're doing.” You are all now in a cheerfully decorated room with painted murals on the wall, there is a wooden table with six small paper boxes and crowns on it, and a sign hung overhead that says intermission. Jonni: “Bigbooty?” Nyx: ”I am not dressing up for a birthday party, I have enough nightmares about a few of mine gone wrong as it is.” Marshal: "You only had one a year…be grateful.” Edmund gestures to TriVia, who curiously goes to inspect one of the boxes. TriVia: "It contains a small sandwich, a pouch of fried potato wedges, three apple slices, a small carton of milk, and a toy.” Edmund: "Huh. Apple slices. Really?” It’s a normal happy meal. Perfectly mundane. OOC: So rancid dog food. Gorbash proceeds to demolish the contents of one of the boxes. “It's standard fare for this place. So if you don't want yours I'll take it.” Poom: "I've survived this long by not eating strange food. Help yourself.” Gorbash: “Funny enough, I've survived BY eating strange food. Don't mind if I do.” Edmund: ”We're going to face an evil Marshal aren’t we? One rebuilt in the bowels of Fundertainment but bereft of any soul or spirit…..Lahshram." Poom: "Bless you.” Edmund: "Thank you." Wiping his nose with a napkin from the box. Filling the entire doorway are a giant sideways facing pair of teeth. Marshal pulls out his maul, and begins a rhythmic chant as he takes practice swings. ”I. Make. Holes. In teeth.” "Be ready for anything. Danzi might be a cryogenically preserved head in the vaults before us.” "There is no way I’m ready for anything this place can throw at us.” OOC: Basically, Gunder is corpo Walt Disney, Danzi is insane futurist Disney. "They'll need proper burial.” “I mean, around here I think that’s trash pick up on Tuesday. They probably deserve better’n that.” Jonni: “Five gold says he put his brain in a Marsh-bot.” Gorbash: “I don't think that's big enough for his ego.”

[suiciderape]

totaltrash

its not the same it never will be ur gonna do great sweatie its not fun for anyone but us dude is false? i clearly dont know but private school suicide is real fun with upset intentions how is this possible aleiah? shes got no queeno bender and were going to end up as the wrong spot for sweet intentional relations again oh! no ew! shes got no sweet soul hell nah the expectations are limitless relaties where 9 10 zombies unbelievable that romeo is alone? hes dead already and sweet religious sexts say u didnt read it she didnt care at any point ur going to anihiliate ur own pussy sucking romeo cock ew! ok shes better? im worse ewA im sorry its ok babe aw! ur sweet is she behaving ew! no haha shes not! omg how did she not know? know what? that ur her real daddy what the fuck bitch is she writing this on tumblr? yep she ghetto is and im writing out asking her daddy any questions! lol shes ok mhm :) ew she has no soul? ugly! no she has no mkndmmmmmmnd left! no shes not ok we loved every second no we did not we did not love the future like this? ew hahaha no shes gonna be ok ew ur geto hahaha ew ur bad! horn! yes shes ghetto bad and we go home for queeno bent get bent! choi paranoids idea of a good time? right! yes! ok so delete it ok done ok were good lol! right? yes mhm :) lol were so happy! we are actually! im with ur ghost he went to my hs his name? something greek what? she thot it was u! what? he died in this room apparently what the fuck is she saying? ur out of the gang dude ok? no its not ok! shes never wrong dudee only when she double crosses us! does it make sense to her? it does make sense to her and we go home for get bent queeno bending worse rules apply for her life than ours right? yes no! she goes home tonight bitch its a recap it is! a reendition of high school la tabbies ew ur so sparkly its getting redundant no its not! its getting marvelous and ive formatted 9 in 10 zombies to fuck her tonight shiddermob double dutch tonight bitch! ew ur sad and ghetto hahaha ew! shes never been ugly 1989s suicide boy

[ipoddymouth]

Wait bestie I want to know your thots on the matty healy being problematic thing he’s said a lot of weird/offensive stuff for sure but apparently some of that stuff is supposed to be satirical/ he’s an edge lord or whatever like the n*zi salute thing he did and it’s not a good thing to do no matter the context but I feel like it’s probably more harmful to call him a n*zi when he isn’t actually one it’s probably better to call that action antisemitic than a whole n*zi no?

wait gjargigjag you just basically summarized my thoughts but imma ramble more under the cut

i dont think matty is actually, truly, deep in his core racist or a n*zi (i'm also p sure he's given enough interviews explaining himself and his political ideologies bc he's annoying and never shuts the fuck up) BUT he also does say a bunch of shit on the side that doesn't help his case.

i think intent is a big issue in society in general bc it's like 'are you saying this shit to be funny? or are you saying this shit to be mean?' and people don't ask that question anymore. i remember when ariana dated pete and he made that joke about manchester and people were like 'he's disrespecting the dead!!' and, like, i can defs see where people are coming from for sure, and i can also see why he was like ???? in response to the backlash because his attention clearly wasnt to offend.

i will not lie and will fully admit that i am SENSITIVE lmao and there are some jokes in standup sets that i will straight up 😐 during bc i cannot separate the words from intent sometimes but im not going to say bill burr is a rape apologist or whatever because i sit and watch my silly lil 'offensive' robot chicken episodes without batting an eye. the problem with humor is that there will always be a faction that makes certain people uncomfortable. and that's okay!!!! not all of us (me included) need to watch cumtown or red scare because we will not find it funny!!! there's one drag queen who's yt videos my boyfriend cant watch bc he thinks she comes across mean even though i think the jokes hit!!!!

and to your second point i agreeeee like im black and grew up in a p white area so obviously people have said some SHIT to me, but that means you have to learn how to distinguish between someone being intentionally racist or someone being ignorant. i think matty says shit he thinks is funny because he's trying to be funny but the jokes themselves don't hit and just come across as....bizarre? rude??? multiple -ists???? but then he tries to explain himself and people (strangers to him) are either like 'fuck u this isnt sincere' or are just like 'but youre still wrong and horrible' and he just gets frustrated and deletes his socials in a lil baby fit gjlragjaglgj. and not to be a white apologist lmao BUT i kinda do understand why people turn to that 'anti-woke ideology' bc if every time i said something with poor phrasing and someone i didn't know called me a racist n*zi i'd probs go ape shit too.

there are real, actual n*zis like in real life who are actually trying to hurt people and people are pulling out all of their big gun ultra-bad labels for some scrawny boy band dude???? like what are we supposed to call the actual n*zis???????? like i l i t e r a l l y have seen a neo-n*zi rally down the street from my HOUSE and thats fucking TERRIFYING and they're just snatching up more people because of all of the culture wars bullshit

[but like to note im not saying that people need to be forgiving and understanding every time someone says something that pisses them off. some people need to be yelled at!!! they need to know they are wrong!!!! people should just be aware of the impact their words have. matty's words have made A LOT of people straight up hate him, but at the same time, some people have probably seen matty get called a n*zi and are now like 👀 bc the bar to being considered h*tler seems kinda low.]

anyway tl;dr racism is a spectrum, words have meaning, and we don't know these people. but if matty really is a racist and im wrong then i hope he chokes!!!

ALSO i am an adult and am not in the business of defending other adults so like im not gonna argue with someone if they think matty is racist. i am not doing dirty hit pr for FREE