#though i do try to not repeat albums but. well. tessa violet's 'bad ideas' is a masterpiece on being in love and self-destructive lmfaoooo

[suchaspookyginger]

'just on a whim' || a torao/lawlu playlist

track lyrics below the read more (it's long though)

secrets i have held in my heart are harder to hide than i thought || i'm sorry, brothers, so sorry lover; forgive me, father, i love you, mother || save your breath - half your life, you've been hooked on death || i fell in love, 'cause no one saw me the way you did || i wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent || there's a box in your heart where you keep your feelings hidden || and maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt || tremble, little lion man, you'll never settle any of your scores || i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as i do || i'm no good on my own anymore

left my soul in his vision, let's go get it out || last night i had a dream we were inseparably entwined || i'm on my guard with the rest of the world, but with you i know it's no good || i lose my voice when i look at you, can't make a noise though i'm trying to || can you hear me say, "don't throw me away"? there's no way out || best friends, ex-friends til the end, better off a lovers and not the other way around || in the morning you'll learn i disappeared off into the night so quietly || i'm exhausted by my heart || when the road began to crumble in front of my eyes, there was only one person i wanted to find || can't stop thinking 'bout the nights that i still regret

and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up || my friend says "you're not alone," but that skin still doesn't feel like home || reaching for the deep end but i can't swim || it's not that i don't feel the pain, it's just i'm not afraid of hurting anymore || i've been on the run since i was a boy, but i'm now done running, got another thing coming watching my enemies get destroyed || who am i without this weight on my shoulder? oh god i'm dying to know || i've been running away i forget what i'm running from, but it still scares me today what i found in you love || smitten's a bad look on me || in the name of the father, the skeptic and the son, i had one more stupid question || i don't know where i'm going, but i don't think i'm coming home

a half-empty [boy] don't make me laugh i'll choke || my eyes want you more than a memory || it's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him || god knows where i would be if you hadn't found me sitting all alone in the dark || your dark brother wrapped in white, says it's good to be alive, but now he rides a comet's flame and he won't be coming back again || i'll use you as a makeshift gauge of how much to give and how much to take || this was the place i grew up, now it's ashes to ashes || i've been ripped up and tossed like a mouse, wrestled with the heavens and the devil himself || why drink the water from my hand, contagious as you think i am? || i just want to make it vanish, but the notes of an old mistake still ring louder every day

you're always getting curious and leaving town || i could never define all that you are to me || i wouldn't test you, i'm not the best you could have attained || i can't process what i'm feeling now, this skin i can do without || i woke up with the sun, thought of all of the people, places and things i've loved || love of mine, someday you will die, but i'll be close behind || they say an end can be a start, feels like i've been buried yet i'm still alive || i'm chasing down my demons, i can hear them breathing. but who knew you would bring me comfort? || i won't fight for anyone until you move my hand || rainy days and bad luck comin' my way, i look for when i'm lost so i don't go insane

this is all your own battle to win, this is your ship and you are the captain || i'm feelin' like i'm messin' it up, i'm callin' out your name and god help me 'cause i'll never love again || got my heart in your hands and your hands on my chest || strange life i live, but it's what you've decided, i'll give it all into your hands || i won't make the same mistakes that i've made for fifteen years || oblivion is where i'm headed, my mind is on the brink of going supernova || and as the world comes to an end, i'll be here to hold your hand. 'cause you're my king and i'm your lionheart