#threads; with gael; office hours

[letsbenditlikebennett]

TIMING: Just after the July full moon when they were both still sleepy, sore werewolves. LOCATION: UMWR, Chemistry Building PARTIES: @lithium-argon-wo-l-f & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: Alex was feeling a little foggy on that week's material, so she went to see Gael during office hours only to pick up on their shared nature.

The days that followed the full moon had always felt especially long. Though her body wasn’t filled with the same muscles and aches she’d grown familiar with when she was younger, Alex had a busy schedule that didn’t allow for a day of sleep after a sleepless night of devouring whatever forest critters Andy put in the bunker with her. She did her best to counteract the lethargy with cold brew coffees. They helped a little bit, but even the caffeine couldn’t counteract that she chose to listen for Kaden’s breathing rather than taking her usual morning nap. So it didn’t come as a huge surprise when she still found her mind was somewhat in a haze during her last chemistry lecture and now the homework looked like it may as well have been in Greek.

While Alex did make a point to visit her professors during office hours, she usually likes to show up with more abstract questions about application— questions that made her look smart and left the professor with a good impression of her. She desperately craved the approval in the form of external validation that only a parent-aged adult could provide. Her own parents never seemed impressed no matter how hard she tried and the pleased look from instructors would never change that, but they sure as hell softened the blow— gave her something more achievable to strive towards.

So, Alex wasn’t too happy about having her first trip to Professor Cordova be filled with questions that just made it look like she wasn’t paying attention in class. If she wanted to understand the material and pass the class, it was a necessity, especially considering she was exploring other science to potentially minor in. As she weaved through the brick buildings of the campus, she rehearsed what she was going to say in her mind. When she reached the chemistry building, she was finally feeling better about the prospect of asking seemingly basic questions he had already answered in class. When she reached his office, she lightly rapped on the door. With confirmation she could enter, she peeked her head in through the crack in the door and waved, “Hi, Professor Cordova.”

The office smelled strange as she entered it. Not bad, but familiar. Various chemicals were present in the air, so she couldn’t quite place her finger on it. As curious as she was, she wasn’t trying to look like a lunatic sniffing about the professor’s office like some sort of bloodhound. “I had some questions about some stuff on this week’s homework assignment,” she started. Damn, that was not how she had rehearsed it in her head. Stupid super nose. “Sorry,” she blurted, “I’m not asking for answers to the homework. I have my actual notes on the concepts I’m struggling with. I just wasn’t feeling great last class so most of it went over my head.” 

— He just wanted to sleep. The past weekend had been uncharacteristically rough for Gael, between the visit with Monty, whatever the hell happened with Leticia and even the… he wasn’t even sure what it was called with Elias. His body was sore, that wasn’t new, but the nightmare and the lingering feeling of nausea certainly was. What else was new was that for the first time in a long time, he fell asleep during his lunch break. Fortunately, there were fewer classes in the summer so he was afforded more time to spend by himself. With his thoughts. So that’s what he was doing right now, having completely and accidentally fallen forward on his desk, still holding a pen as it drooped in his hand with its loosening grip. Gael hadn’t reached REM yet, fortunately, and he was cognizant enough to hear someone knocking on his door where he jerked awake, the pen gently flinging out of his hand. “Yes?” He managed to call coherently as he blinked blearily, trying to wake up quickly as he heard a voice accompanied with a small wave out of his peripheral vision. Reaching up to adjust his hair really quick as it’d since flopped onto his forehead messily, Gael turned his gaze to the young, fiery-haired girl that entered his office and he offered a warm smile that easily reached his eyes. “Of course.” He replied lightly, slowly getting to his feet and placing a hand on his back as he did so, doing his best not to let the brief pained grimace paint his face. “Between you and me, I should’ve worded some of the lecture better; I’ve been a little out of sorts, too, so I apologize for not being more coherent.” He examined her face for a moment, tilting his head slightly. “You’re… Alex Bennett, right?” He asked, motioning for her to take a seat if she preferred.

There was some sense of ease to be found in the fact the professor had seemed like her presence had shaken him awake. Maybe it didn’t bolster her with the kind of confidence that would make her stop scavenging for scraps of validation, but it was something. Alex felt the nervous tension in her shoulders dissipate as she offered an easy smile. “Guess we both are having a bit of a week, then.” 

A small sense of solidarity that she could easily mirror. It helped when it wasn’t entirely forced, though Alex wasn’t about to tread any deeper than that. She put on a good show— so good that it made adults feel inclined to check in on her as if she wasn’t the monster that she knew she was. Relaxed was the way to play this, which was much easier now that she didn’t feel quite as self conscious. 

“Yep, I’m Alex,” she smiled. She’d always preferred the nickname to Alexandra. Somewhere in the mix of her grief, it felt like a small victory that legally her name was just Alex now. Not that she’d ever let herself say or even realize as much. Instead, she was caught by something in the air, something familiar. She froze in her place, not wanting to obviously sniff the office, but it was becoming increasingly overwhelming. It was animalistic like her— like Alan. Her heart was going rapidfire in her chest and she had to remind herself, Alan was okay. This werewolf could be okay, too. He was just her chemistry professor for crying out loud. Still, she studied him with a worried gaze. She’d put off getting to know others like her for so long and now that she was opening herself up to the idea, it felt like trying to slip on a pair of boots that didn’t quite fit. Because she didn’t fit. 

“Are you picking up on that,” Alex asked with an arched brow, hoping to not have to elaborate further because she wasn’t sure if she could.

She seemed to relax slightly at first which was good for Gael - he could try all he wanted but he didn’t think he had the mental fortitude or required eloquence to have a functional conversation with a student who was going to be strictly professional and uptight. Not that he minded those kids, of course, but there was something unifying he felt when she confirmed that it wasn’t the day insomuch as it was the week. And he wasn’t sure what her reasoning was, though he also remembered being a college kid once and he often lost track of the days when he was out partying and still managing to find time to study and do well in school. He looked back on those days and started to wonder how he did it when the answer came to him a second or two later and he no longer wondered. He was here today though and he needed to stop thinking about the past. Normally he didn’t but he was still waking up, he figured. “It’s nice to meet you outside of class, Alex.” Gael nodded his head, leaning against his desk in that way teachers and professors did as he kept his dark eyes on her. …And then Gael noticed that she was giving him an expression, one that he didn’t think was entirely positive. Her body language was incredibly stiff and now that he was paying attention, his own gaze dropped, lidding his eyes as he heard something. It sounded like… her heartbeat, pulsing in her chest and much too high for it to be normal. His own expression grew with concern though it was partially hidden behind his mop of hair and the beard he’d grown in a shockingly small amount of time. “Picking up on what?” Gael asked before licking his lower lip. “Is everything okay?”

“You too, Professor Córdova,” Alex responded with a practiced easy smile. Even if she had opened herself up to the idea of letting Alan be part of her life, there was still hesitation there. She didn’t like that he killed hunters– or anyone for that. Still, some small part of her longed for his approval despite that. Opening herself up to the idea of getting to know other werewolves, or even other supernatural beings, was still new to her. It still didn’t feel entirely natural yet and having a werewolf as a chemistry professor hadn’t been something she was anticipating. It wasn’t bad. If she could try to find a mentor of sorts in Alan, she could work with her instructor being a werewolf.

That was, until Alex noticed the puzzled expression on his face and the way he studied her. The way his answer to her question had essentially been more questions. The can of vienna sausages she had eaten for lunch was no longer sitting quite so well. He was a werewolf who didn’t realize he was a werewolf, which made him a danger to others. But how was she supposed to fix that? How was she even supposed to broach the subject without her professor thinking she was absolutely insane? 

“The…,” Alex trailed off, at a complete loss of how to answer that question. Her eyes scanned the books on his shelves, repeating the titles in her mind until she felt the rapid pace of her heart begin to slow. “The full moon just passed. You’re not feeling good after it, right? Maybe don’t fully even remember it?” 

It was hardly the smoothest line of questioning, but Alex needed to gauge how much he knew before she dove into her questions on chemistry, which suddenly seemed largely unimportant if her teacher didn’t realize what he was and the danger he was putting others in by simply existing without that knowledge. “Sorry, maybe not the most appropriate thing to ask.” 

Gael wasn’t sure what line was crossed without him knowing it as her demeanor changed a little more to reflect that previous anxiety that she seemed to have when she first walked in. His eyes followed her as she looked at the full shelves instead of at him and he wondered if that was what she did to cope with stress, which he still wasn’t sure what he’d done to work her up. Then she brought up the full moon, the feelings, the memory loss and Gael felt something knot unpleasantly in his throat for a moment. Did word get out that he was a chronic sleepwalker? He’d gotten very lucky with the schools administration and dean, allowing him accommodations for the problem and while he had assumed that it was something to do with the pressure in the air caused by the lunar cycle, he didn’t think much more on it than that. Or perhaps it didn’t get out that he was a sleepwalker; should Gael place his burdens on this young girl? She was asking him, true, but he didn’t feel like it was his place to overshare his personal life with her. “No no, you’re fine.” He cleared his throat, trying to recover from the thoughts that got away from him for a moment. “I, uh…” He faltered; perhaps… Was she similar to him? Is that why she was asking. “Is that how you feel right now?” He decided to ask her first, gauge her reaction to see how much information he felt appropriate to indulge to her. “Would you like to take a seat?”

Sometimes, Alex wished she had been born knowing nothing about the supernatural and that she could just exist without having that awareness always above her head. All she had wanted to do was get some clarity on some concepts that were coming up in the homework that she wasn’t feeling so confident on. Maybe have some easy conversation about science and stuff going on around campus as a nice little exchange of pleasantries like a normal fucking student. But she knew better, knew what they were both capable of if they weren’t careful. Yet here he was right in front of her with kind eyes, that despite the dark circles that lingered under them, were laced with a hint of worry. How was she supposed to reconcile that? How was she supposed to force this world on him when she herself wanted so desperately to be anything other than what she was?

And this was on her. This couldn’t be yet another problem that Andy had to take care of. Alex knew she had her plate full with whatever this other hunter was up to. Which made her being anywhere near her professor dangerous. She placed a hand down on her knee, heavily, forcing the turmoil that was brewing to keep a more stagnant outward appearance. She looked back to her professor. “Thanks,” she offered, half-heartedly. He was still confused, but in some of that confusion, maybe he was connecting some dots. She really hoped she was connecting even a singular fucking dot.

“Yeah,” Alex answered, “Have been most of my life. Can kind of tell when others…” How did she put it? Hey prof, not to sound like I have absolutely zero grip on reality, but you smell like a canine. Not exactly the most flattering thing in the world to say. There had to be another way to frame it, some other aspect of lycanthropy she could use to clue him in, let him know that there’s help. She had to make sure he was somewhere safe before the next full moon. 

It clicked. Alex stood up and squared her shoulders to give some illusion of confidence. “Close your eyes and listen,” she explained, “It sounds weird and I know you don’t actually know me, but just– please try it?” There was a certain hint of desperation in her voice. If she couldn’t even help protect people when there wasn’t the threat of a fight, what good was she? She did a quick round of jumping jacks to get her heart racing at a pace more rapid than Professor Córdova’s. She stopped her movement completely when she could hear clearly the asynchronicity in their heartbeats. “Listen closely,” she whispered, backing towards the opposite side of the office with light footsteps, “You can hear it, right? Your heartbeat and mine— perfectly even though we’re not in close enough proximity for that to be possible?” 

Gael wasn’t sure what was going on. Was Alex sent there to keep tabs on him? Was she someone that Emilio sent because of some conversation they had online? Or maybe Alan sent her - he had found another sleepwalker and was pushing for this unity in what they were? …What were they? Why was Gael thinking about this now? He needed to keep himself calm despite his soreness and the questions and other things Alex was now telling him; something was clearly riling her up, adding to the exhaustion on her young features but he wasn’t sure what he could do. He thought she was here to talk about chemistry but instead she was stressing out about something. There was something that gave him pause when the student said that she’d been dealing with it for most of her life and his heart hurt for her - he’d only been dealing with it for about a year now… he couldn’t imagine the stress it must’ve placed on her. They didn’t know each other but Gael wanted to already offer her a hand in a comforting gesture, perhaps a cup of tea and some words of assurance but he he didn’t want to come off too strongly so instead, he just stood there and started to hold up his hand in an attempt to maybe calm them both down when she suddenly had a different idea, one that seemed to shift her demeanor. He looked at her earnestly and though there was some hesitation behind her asking him to close his eyes, he heard the pleading in her voice and he gave her a small nod. “Okay.” So he did. Gael closed his eyes and they darted under their eyelids as he wondered what her impromptu exercise was, both figuratively and literally as it sounded like she was doing something not online jumping jacks. The longer his eyes stayed closed, however, the more he could feel something else, something different - his other senses were compensating for his lack of sight whether he asked them to or not. She told him to listen closely but he didn’t get to choose that as he could hear his heartbeat, but also… the professor tilted his head in the direction she had quietly stepped as he did hear it. Her heartbeat. Gael gulped, his eyes still closed. She whispered to him, something else he shouldn’t have been able to hear. Alan was the same way when they sat on the bench, the things Monty would say under his breath, the things Elias would say under his when they thought other people couldn’t hear. The way Gael could hear a heartbeat or a lack thereof. Recognizing a scent before his vision could. “Are you… like me?” He asked just as quietly. “Are you a sleepwalker too?” It was a bold question and he was putting himself out there, not sure if that was the purpose of the exercise but if she wasn’t, she could just dismiss him as crazy. He figured he had to have been nowadays between the things he’d been told and the brain injury he’d sustained, the defect in his mind that gave him strange abilities yet stripped agency and control from him every now and then as compensation.

Even if he didn’t understand, Gael was kind enough to go along with her request. Part of her was embarrassed. Alex knew she must have looked sleep-deprived and somewhat crazed to her professor, someone she desperately wanted to like her, but this was too important to ignore. It wasn’t just the human lives on the line— it was his. This was the only class she was taking this summer and with this hunter recognizing Andy, it was only a matter of time before he found her. Or some other hunter catching him because he wasn’t taking the necessary precautions. There was too much at risk and this little exercise was a desperate attempt to mitigate some of it. 

There was a certain relief when he asked if she was like him. Even if he didn’t know what like him meant, it was a start. An important one. Alex nodded as she tried to figure out the right words to say. Correcting him on the sleepwalker thing with werewolf probably wasn’t the move, even if it was the truth. If he thought it was sleepwalking, this must still be fairly new to him, that he hadn’t start to remember what he did in the nights just yet. Or maybe he thought they were simply dreams, but did he not wake up covered in blood? Seemed unlikely. 

“I am,” Alex answered, “I’m a sleepwalker, it… lines up with the lunar cycle. Heightens our senses.” If she could explain it like a sickness, maybe it would be easier for him to understand. She wasn’t quite sure how that would work for getting him to lock himself up during the full moon go… especially not in a bunker with her and a bunch of small critters, but she’d talk to Alan, Andy, and Kaden. She’d figure something out. She had to. “That’s how you could hear me… and how I can smell that we’re the same.” 

She wished she could simply take this off his plate. Alex had a hard enough time with reckoning with what she was and she grew up knowing werewolves existed. Her professor had no knowledge of this stuff, he could have gone the rest of his life without having the burden of supernatural sitting on his shoulders, but that had been taken from him. It made her sad for him. “It gets easier,” she finally said, “Doesn’t hurt as much after a while and you start to remember more.” Not that she was sure remembering was all it cracked up to be. Even if it was only forest critters, Alex didn’t love remembering the ways she ferociously ripped them apart or how their blood felt as it coated her skin the following morning. 

“I can help,” she explained, “My sister has gotten really good at taking care of me through all of it… and I know someone else like us, too. It can be dangerous if you don’t— It’s more dangerous than normal sleepwalking. Will you please let me help?” 

Gael opened his eyes again slowly as Alex explained some of the things that his mind had been trying to rationalize for months now, things that he was very recently coming around to. Smelling things that might not’ve been there… or who had been there before, recalling that he could tell where Elias had lingered in the house the longest, been able to hear an argument down the street or the heartbeat of a student who was stressed about something even though it was impossible. He attributed these strange new sensations to something in his head getting screwed up during that animal attack. His expression shifted and Gael couldn’t keep it from subtly morphing from kind, if somewhat confused curiosity into further concern and more empathy for the girl’s plight, how she’d dealt with this for most of her life and when she said it got easier, that it would hurt less and he’d remember more, his breath caught in his throat without him even realizing it. It was his turn for his heartbeat to accelerate, though he didn’t know why as an animal part of his brain activated for a moment. While he would’ve loved the pain to subside, wishing that his back could go back to before the accident, he felt something tugging on his brain. He… wasn’t sure if he wanted to remember. There was a beautiful ignorance to Gael right now, a simple explanation that he’d grown accustomed to using ever since. He didn’t remember whatever it was, he just wake up. Sometimes he was out in the middle of nowhere covered in animal blood as though he were part of some ritualistic sacrifice that he wasn’t privy to, sometimes he was in his bathroom that was torn up beyond recognition, his towel ripped to shreds, blood from an unidentified source smeared on the wall. Sometimes with fur that he attributed to his bath mat that was made of similar material and every single time with an implacable, yet overwhelming vice grip of pain that made him feel like he’d been completely torn apart and shoddily rearranged. A plaything for whatever compelled him on those nights where he was agitated and disoriented, buzzing with energy that came from nowhere. At least, that’s how it was until a few nights ago. Gael didn’t want to think of the nightmare he had, the shadowed figure that stood on two legs. He didn’t want to think about the animals he killed, the people he couldn’t explain why he did the things he did aside from “it’s a brain injury” and to apologize profusely for what he did. He was thankful that he didn’t have enough shame to be lastingly embarrassed for being woken up completely au naturale in places that he should’ve been, along with being thankful that he never got put on any lists or sent to jail for being bloody. Then Alex said she wanted to help. The professor looked at her, his eyes partially lidded and brow knitted in the middle, his dark-ringed eyes meeting her own and Gael didn’t understand why, but he could tell that whatever this affliction was, she didn’t know him and yet felt so strongly about this that it managed to pierce through his reservations. “...Okay.” He relinquished it with a small nod to reinforce what he said. “Yes– yes, of course you can help.” He inhaled and licked his lower lip, looking down at his desk as he affirmed his answer, now feeling his heart beating anxiously in his chest cavity.

For as long as she could remember, Alex had been observant. It was a learned defense mechanism that stuck with her through the years and it was in full swing as she watched Gael process what she had proposed. Her eyes, while kind and offering sympathy, were discerning. She listened to every beat of his heart and noted the way the pace picked up. It was an indication that he knew something serious was wrong even if he didn’t quite understand it. This was overwhelming for him and she couldn’t fault him for that. It had been thirteen years and she still grappled with the reality of what she was despite the fact she’d grown up knowing about werewolves. The supernatural had always been a reality for her and that made it easier in some ways. 

Her professor didn’t have that same background and was going into this whole experience blind. Alex wasn’t sure the best way to help him, but she would find a way. He seemed… caring and so normal. The word monster was starting to carry less weight than it used to, but it still sat like a weight on her shoulders. It was a weight that demanded she do what she could to mitigate any potential harm and she needed to make it work. 

“Thank you,” she said softly, “I’ll figure out some ideas before the next full moon.” Getting her professor to agree to nights locked in a bunker seemed less than likely, but maybe deep woods camping with Alan? She’d figure something out. She had to. “I’ll come back tomorrow about the chemistry questions,” she started, “With coffee. Think we’ll both have a clearer head then anyway.” And maybe by then she’d have some ideas to run by him. 

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 7/23/21 - SNAKE EYES, OLD, VAL, JOE BELL, SETTLERS, JOLT, MANDIBLES, and More!

So I definitely underestimated Space Jam: A New Legacy last week and way overestimated Escape Room: Tournament of Champions, maybe because I liked the latter way more than the former and probably underestimated the nostalgia factor for Space Jam… oh, yeah, and the fact that it was also on HBO Max, which didn’t really matter since it grossed more than $30 million anyway. Meanwhile, Escape Room, a rare theatrical-only movie, failed to bring people into theaters to see it as it ended up making about half what I expected. Oh, well. It happens. Live and learn.

Hey, guess what? We don’t have any sequels this week! Okay, to be fair, we do have a spin-off/prequel sort of thing, so I guess that counts.

The latter is SNAKE EYES: G.I. JOE ORIGINS (Paramount Pictures/MGM/Skydance), the latest attempt by Hasbro Films to reboot its G.I. Joe franchise with Henry Golding from Crazy Rich Asians playing the popular anti-hero from the oh-so-popular Hasbro toys, comics and cartoons. As you can surmise from the subtitle, Snake Eyes, directed by Robert Schwentke (Red, R.I.P.D.), is an origin story for the most enigmatic member of the Joe team. Much of the rest of the cast are Asian actors or martial arts specialists like Iko Uwais from The Raid and its sequel. The movie does introduce Samara Weaving from Ready or Not as Scarlet, another popular G.I. Joe character, as well as her counterpart, the Baronness, so it’s definitely a G.I. Joe movie still.

It’s been quite some time since the previous Joe movie, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, which was released in March 2013 where it opened with $40.5 million, which is less than the previous movie, 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which opened with $54.7 million. The two movies made $150.2 million and $122.5 million respectively, although “Retaliation” did slightly better overseas to gross $375.7 million to Rise of Cobra’s $302 million. Those aren’t huge numbers compared to Hasbro’s other big toy-related franchise, the “Transformers” movies by Michael Bay, which were doing almost $300 million in the U.S. alone. Retaliation may have been hurt by being delayed a number of times putting more time between the original movie and sequel, but it introduced a few great new ideas and characters played by Dwayne “Franchise Viagra” Johnson and Bruce “You Have My Direct Deposit Info, Right?” Willis.

There is an odd connection between “Retaliation” and Snake Eyes, because the former was directed by Jon Chu, who directed Golding in Crazy Rich Asians, the movie that broke him out. Chu had talked forever about doing another G.I. Joe movie but it seems like he’s moved on and has a lot on his plate now, so who knows if we’ll ever get another direct sequel? It’s hard to say if and how Snake Eyes might integrate with previous or future Joe movies.

Either way, the G.I. Joe franchise obviously has a number of dedicated fans who might want to see more of where Snake Eyes came from, and the trailers make it look like it’s in a similar vein as John Wick Chapter 3. Unfortunately, I won’t be seeing this until Tuesday night and reviews won’t hit until Thursday, so I’m going to have to gauge interest in this without knowing whether critics liked this any more than the previous movies. (Okay, reviews went live at 3 this morning, but I was already asleep, having already finished writing this column, as always.)

I can see Snake Eyes pushing for an opening somewhere in the mid-$20 millions, and maybe it will over-perform like last week’s Space Jam: A New Legacy or Mortal Kombat and bring in closer to $30 million, since one presumes that the Joe fanbase hasn’t gone anywhere and would go with this over Old.

Mini-Review: While I’m not really much of a G.I. Joe fan, I am a fan of martial arts, swordplay, and Japanese culture like Yakuza and samurai and such. Not really knowing that much about the title character of Snake Eyes, I was kind of interested in knowing more about him, especially the fact that they cast a real actor to play him for this movie in Henry Golding. (Sorry, not sorry, Ray Park.)

We meet him as a boy with no name, having gotten his nickname from the man who killed his father when he was a boy, urging his dad to roll dice in order to live. He rolls (what else?) snake eyes. Decades later, the boy is a man working for the Yakuza and a particularly nasty guy named Kenta (Takehiro Hira) who nearly kills Snake Eyes before he’s paired with Tommy (Andrew Koji), the prodigal son of the Arashikage clan who also happen to be Kenta’s sworn enemies. Having saved Tommy’s life, Snake Eyes is urged to stay at the family castle and train to join the clan as an assassin. His training involves a series of tests conducted by Blind Master (Peter Mensah) and Hard Master (Iko Uwais), but we soon learn that Snake Eyes is still loyal to Kenta and used his friendship with Tommy as a ruse to infiltrate the castle and steal their greatest weapon. Oh, yeah there’s also giant snakes, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Having seen Robert Schwentke’s The Captain, I know the director can make great movies, and Snake Eyes is probably one of his better American films, at least that I’ve seen. The reason this movie work at all is the casting for most of the may Asian roles are fantastic. I particularly enjoyed seeing Haruke Abe as Akiko, one of the truly kick-ass women in the movie, but the same can be said for Eri Ishida, who plays Tommy’s grandmother and the head of Tommy’s clan, and she too has some great action moments. The point is that Snake Eyes doesn’t suffer from the decision to cast talented Asian actors in the same way that Mortal Kombat did.

The movie’s biggest issues arrive when they try to fit G.I. Joe and Cobra into the mix (about an hour into the movie), because it definitely feels shoehorned into what is becoming a decent movie about honor and loyalty. I have never heard of Spanish actress Ursula Corbero, but she’s absolutely garbage as Baronness, vamping and trying to make the role more comicky apparently. By comparison, I’m generally a fan of Samara Weaving, but she isn’t much better as Scarlett. Since these are both popular G.I. Joe characters, I can’t imagine the fans will be too happy.

A lot of what happens at the end is telegraphed from a mile away, especially if you already figured out where the relationship between Snake Eyes and Tommy is going. (Maybe it isn’t a secret, but in case it isn’t obvious…)

Snake Eyes works fine as the G.I. Joe origin it’s meant to be, but I would have been perfectly fine without any G.I. Joe references at all, and if this was just a cool Asian action flick like The Villainess or some of Takashi Miike’s yakuza films.

Rating: 7/10

M. Night Shyamalan returns to theaters after a brief sojourn into TV with Apple TV+’s Servant (which is great) with his latest high-concept thriller, OLD (Universal Pictures), which involves a family who goes to visit a remote tropical beach where they learn that something on the beach is making them age extraordinarily fast. The movie stars Gael Garcia Bernal, Vicky Krieps from Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread, Alex Wolff from Hereditary (and last week’s Pig), and Thomasin McKenzie from Jojo Rabbit. It’s a pretty great ensemble cast for sure, but how many of those actors have a proven track record to bring people into theaters? Not many, but will that matter?

Shyamalan has had an amazing career as a filmmaker in terms of box office with six movies that grossed over $100 million (and a seventh that came close), one movie (Signs) that grossed over $200 million, and then his early film, The Sixth Sense, which came close to $300 million domestically. (This is all domestic, if you didn’t figure it out.) Shyamalan’s movies have done very well overseas, often matching the amount the movies made in the States. Shyamalan’s last two movies, 2017’s Split and 2019’s Glass, took the director back to his earlier movie, 2000’s Unbreakable, starring Bruce Willis, and both those movies grossed more. (To be fair, ticket prices have increased a lot since 2000.) Glass opened with $40 million in January 2019, roughly the same as Split’s opening, and that’s a fairly standard opening for the filmmaker.

Old doesn’t have that connection to a popular past movie, nor does it really have the starpower of some of Shyamalan’s movies, so it’s definitely at a disadvantage and possibly more in line with his 2015 “comeback” thriller, The Visit, which grossed $65.2 million from an opening of $25.2 million.

Horror movies and thrillers don’t necessarily need to have big name stars but it doesn’t hurt -- look at Ethan Hawke’s forays into genre with Sinister and The Purge for Blumhouse -- and though any of the cast could appear on talk shows to promote the film, I’m not sure if any of them could be considered a draw at this point. (Maybe Alex Wolff, since he’s quite popular among young women for his horror movies and music career.)

Any way you look at it, Shyamalan has become a filmmaker whose name on a film helps drive people to see the movies in theaters, and that will be the case here, as well. You combine the Shyamalan name with an easy-to-sell concept like a beach that ages people (vs. the relaxation beaches normally provide)

My review for this one will be over at Below the Line later on Thursday, but I’m presuming that critics will be mixed on this one at best. If they go negative, which I could see happening, that might theoretically hurt the movie’s chances, although it should still be good for opening weekend.

Because of this, and because Old might lose some of its male audiences to the above Snake Eyes -- oddly, neither of these movies will be available on streaming day and date, mind you -- Shyamalan’s latest will probably end up in the mid-to-high-teens, although it might be able to make $20 million in a push.

1. Snake Eyes (Paramount/MGM/Skydance) - $24.1 million N/A

2. Old (Universal) - $17 million N/A

3. Space Jam: A New Legacy (Warner Bros.) - $15 million -51%

4. Black Widow (Marvel/Disney) - $13.5 million -48%

5. Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (Sony) - $4.5 million -49%

6. F9 (Universal) - $4.4 million -43%

7. The Boss Baby: Family Business (Universal/DreamWorks Animation) - $2.6 million -45%

8. The Forever Purge (Universal) - $2.1 million -49%

8. A Quiet Place Part II (Paramount) - $1.6 million -25%

10. Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (Focus) - $1 million -47%

There are a few more theatrical releases, but let’s start by getting into this week’s “Chosen One”, which is…

Leo Scott and Ting Poo’s doc VAL (Amazon) refers to actor Val Kilmer, who goes through his entire career in this fascinating portrait in which we see him in the present day dealing with the debilitating throat cancer that’s nearly taken his voice. Culled from almost four decades of archival footage, most of it shot by Kilmer himself, the film puts together an amazing story of Kilmer’s life as a working actor, but also captures his family life, his tough relationship with his father and how his marriage and career deteriorated over time.

It really surprised me how much I loved this movie, because honestly, I’ve never been a particularly big Kilmer fan, other than a few favorites like Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, and probably a few others. In fact, I finally saw Top Gun for the first time a few months ago, and I wasn’t even that big a fan, as I don’t think it aged well. But what’s great about Val, the movie, is that you get to see some of Kilmer’s own footage from on set and off for movies like Top Gun and even The Island of Doctor Moreau, which he admits was a complete disaster, a shame since it was the only chance to work with his idol, Marlon Brando (who barely shows up to set).

What’s particularly eerie is hearing a younger Val narrating the film, clearly recorded from before he was hit with the debilitating throat cancer, but the filmmakers did a great job editing all of Kilmer’s footage and words into a surprisingly cohesive (and still very linear) story.

Besides seeing the footage and how it meshed with Kilmer’s narration, I also greatly appreciated the score by Garth Stevenson, as well as the song choices, which includes some familiar tunes but always in a different way than what we’re used to. I’m really curious if Val picked some of the tunes himself, but whoever the music supervisor was on this film, really did an amazing job getting songs that meshed well with Stevenson’s music.

Val is a terrific portrait of an actor who probably never got the level of respect he deserved , but it’s also a film that will make you think of your own life and mortality.

Mark Wahlberg stars in and as JOE BELL (Roadside Attractions/Vertical) in this drama directed by Reinaldo Marcus Green, who helmed the excellent and underrated Monsters and Men. Green didn’t write this one, but it was written by Diana Ossana and Larry McMurtry, the Oscar-winning writers of Brokeback Mountain. With that in mind, you’d expect something more interesting, but as I watched Joe Bell, I actually wasn’t aware that it was based on a real person/story.

The long and short of it is that Wahlberg’s Joe Bell is a father who has decided to walk across the country from Oregon to New York City to talk to anyone who will listen about bullying, and why it’s bad. Yup, that’s it. That’s the movie. To be fair, we do get to see Joe spending time with his gay son Jadin (Reed Miller), and those are generally the best parts of the film, but one thing that really didn’t work for me was the structure, especially the time spent (SPOILER!) pretending that Jadin was already dead before Joe went on his cross-country walk. It’s something that’s casually revealed when Joe stops in a gay bar for a drink and mentions it to a drag queen.

Otherwise, Joe Bell is a movie that leans so heavily on the screenplay and Wahlberg’s performance, which is better than others we’ve seen from him but isn’t that great. Overall, the film is just so dour, glum and frankly, quite dull, that there’s very little that can make it more interesting, especially since the narrative and structure makes the whole thing kind of obvious.

Maybe there’s a better version of this movie but when you get to what is quite a grim ending and then you realize that it’s a true story, you kind of wish that thing called “artistic license” was used more liberally to make a better movie. All Joe Bell does is state the obvious: that bullying is bad, especially towards people different and possibly more fragile than you.

Rating: 6/10

I'm not sure how wide Roadside plans on releasing Joe Bell, but I'd expect 400 to 500 theaters, but I'm not sure that's enough to get it into the Top 10.

Wyatt Rockefeller’s feature film directorial debut, SETTLERS (IFC Midnight) takes place on Mars, and at first, it deals with a couple (played by Johnny Lee Miller and Sofia Boutella) living on a remote base there with their young daughter Remmy (Brooklynn Prince), but it’s soon attacked by a stranger who wants them to leave. The movie premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last month and will get a release into select theaters on Friday as well as be released in various digital formats.

Settlers starts off as if it might be a home invasion movie with a sci-fi twist, but that aspect of it is fleeting, as it soon becomes a drama where the stranger Jerry (Ismael Cruz Cordova) moves in with Remmy and her mother, and then other stuff happens. Oh, yeah, there’s also an adorable robot named Steve.

Don’t get me wrong, because I genuinely liked Settlers, although I think I was expecting something more genre-y since it’s being released by IFC Midnight. Because of the setting, I was expecting something more science fiction or home invasion, and I guess comparing it to a Western would be fair due to the wilderness setting, but really, it’s a character drama about how three people need to coexist together, especially when one of them is a stranger in their midst. Seeing how Boutella’s character slowly warms up to Jerry while Remmy is still suspicious and even angry at her mother accepting the stranger.

In many ways, this is Prince’s movie, because she’s so good in this role that she almost supports the adult actors by leading. Prince is so compelling that she’s even able to keep you interested when Remmy is just wandering around, exploring various aspects of the environment around their home base. That is, at least until the last act when the film jumps forward a number of years and Nell Tiger Free (from Servant) takes over the role of Remmy (quite fluidly, in fact).

This creates a very different dynamic between Jerry and Remmy that might feel a bit pervy to some women (okay, most women). Cordova is also quite good in a role that’s tough to sell, because he isn’t the typical bad man.

Settlers is a quiet and subdued film with not a lot of action or dialogue for that matter, but it reminds me quite a bit of Moon, and it’s a similarly solid debut by Rockefeller, showing him to be a strong storyteller able to get strong performances out of his relatively small cast. (Oh, and hey, I should have an interview with Rockefeller next week over at Below the Line.)

Rating: 7/10

Kate Beckinsale stars in the action-thriller JOLT (Amazon), which hits Amazon Prime Video this Friday. It's directed by Tanya Wexler (Buffaloed), and in the movie, Beckinsale plays Lindy, a woman with a debilitating condition that gives her insane strength when she gets angry, and she gets angry a LOT. But no, this is not like the upcoming She-Hulk series, though it’s an incredible action movie for sure.

Beckingsale’s Lindy has something called “intermittent explosive disorder” which I’m not sure if that’s a real thing (probably not), but it gives her incredible strength when she gets mad, and it forces her to wear a vest that gives a huge electrical charge when she pushes a button. So yeah, the movie feels a lot like Crank if it had a woman lead instead of Jason Statham. Honestly, if that alone doesn’t sell you on Jolt, then this movie probably isn’t gonna be for you.

It actually starts out as a pseudo-rom-com as Lindy meets a nice guy, played by Jai Courtney, but after a few dates and some great sex, he’s killed, and Lindy is upset but even more furious than normal, swearing to find the man responsible for killing her kinda-boyfriend. So yeah, Jolt quickly turns into a revenge thriller, but it’s one with lots of Beckinsale kicking ass, some great car chases, and lots of funny doofuses getting their asses handed to them, both figuratively and literally.

Surprisingly, Wexler didn’t write this one -- the screenplay’s Scott Wascha -- but her reputation and previous films helped her put together a great cast around Beckinsale, including Stanley Tucci as her therapist who set her up with the shock vest, and Bobby Cannavale and Laverne Cox as the detectives investigating the death of Lindy’s beau, all three of them offering some great humorous dynamics to the mix.

That’s probably why Jolt is quite satisfying, not only in terms of being a female empowerment movie, but also not taking itself too seriously and always keeping the comedy on the darker side. For instance, there’s a scene where Lindy throws live babies at Cox to distract her, but what do you expect from a movie that enjoys giving its main character literal electroshock therapy?

So yeah, I definitely liked Jolt as an action-comedy. Maybe it was a bit too violent for my tastes, at times, but it definitely is everything I hoped to get out of Gunpowder Milkshake last week, and honestly, I had no idea Wexler had this kind of movie in her.

Rating: 7/10

Quirky French filmmaker Quentin Dupieux (Rubber) returns with MANDIBLES (Magnet), a comedy of sorts about a pair of dumbass friends -- Manu (Grégoire Ludig from Keep Your Eye Out) and David Marsais’ Jean-Gab, who steal a car for a job only to find a giant fly inside its trunk, so they decide to train it to rob banks for them.

Yup, it’s another weird one from Dupieux, and honestly, it took me a long time to really get into it, as these two doofuses get into all sorts of predicaments (and who have an amusing “secret” handshake). Where it really takes off is when they meet a group of vacationers, including the one and only Adèle Exarchopoulos as Agnes, a woman who mistakes one of the guys as a high-school lover. Things just get zanier from there as the guys try to sneak in their giant trained fly -- now named Dominique -- into the vacation home where they’re staying with a bunch of Agnes suspicious friends and her brother. (There’s also one woman who literally shouts everything due to a condition, and at first, it was more aggravating than funny, but like everything else in this, she gets funnier over time.)

In fact, after I got to the end of the movie, I ended up going back to rewatch the first half again to see if I missed anything, and surprise, surprise, the two guys and their antics had definitely grown on me by the end, making it easier to enjoy a second view. I certainly wouldn’t recommend any of Dupieux’s movies to just anyone, and that goes for Mandibles, but if you enjoyed the quirky humor of Rubber or last year’s Deerskin, then you might not hate this one, but it’s also not a movie I’d recommend you rush out to see in theaters.

Rating: 6.5/10

A few more words about a few other docs… (As usual, I didn’t get to watch nearly as much as I hoped to get to this week.)

I did get to watch Garret Price’s WOODSTOCK '99: PEACE, LOVE AND RAGE (HBO), which will hit the cable network on Friday. Honestly, I barely remember it, and I’m not even sure I watched it PPV or at all, because there weren’t really that many acts at this year’s festival that interested me. I mean, Limp Bizkit? Korn? Rage Against the Machine? I wasn’t really into any of those in the late ‘90s, and certainly not my sworn-enemy Jewel or Sheryl Crow or Alannis Morrissette, the festival’s token women who were slotted into separate days. Even so, Price is a pretty decent documentation of all the awfulness at that particular festival from portapotties mixing shit in with all the mud or the many cases of sexual harassment, assault and flat-out rape that took place on the campgrounds. I’m sure I heard most of it but seeing it put together like this in the film’s two-hour running time just makes it harder to watch without tearing up. A pretty solid doc that I’m not sure I could fully recommend, but hey, I’ve never been to one of these festivals and after watching this movie, I probably never will. (It is interesting how Price contrasts the disaster of Woodstock ‘99 with the hugely-successful Coachella, which started not long afterwards.)

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to Jamila Wignot’s doc AILEY (NEON) about choreographer Alvin Ailey, making this the second movie about dance or choreography in a row. It opens in New York this weekend, in L.A. theaters next Friday July 30 and then everywhere on August 6.

Then there’s ALL THE STREETS ARE SILENT (Greenwich), Jeremy Elkin’s doc that covers the crossroads between skateboard and hip-hop in downtown Manhattan during the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. For whatever reason, I wasn’t able to get around to this, although it features Rosario Dawson, Bobbito Garcia, Stretch Armstrong, Moby (him again?!), Fab 5 Freddy, and a lot of other rappers I’ve never heard of.

Also hitting HBO Max on Thursday is THROUGH OUR EYES (HBO Max/Sesame Workshop docuseries), a series of four 30-minute films designed for adults to watch with their kids age 9 and up, dealing with things like homelessness, parental incarceration, military caregiving, and climate displacement. Sounds fun.

Hitting Netflix on Wednesday is TROLLHUNTERS: RISE OF THE TITANS (Netflix), a movie based on the popular series produced by Guillermo del Toro, which I’ve also never see, so I guess I don’t have a lot to say about this.

Lastly, premiering this week is the second season of Apple TV+’s Emmy-nominated TED LASSO which is probably gonna win a bunch of those Emmys going by previous awards shows. It’s a very popular show. I’m still on Season 1, myself.

Other films I didn’t get to… (sorry, respective publicists!)

HERE AFTER (Vertical)

FEAR AND LOATHING IN ASPEN (Shout Studios!)

Next week, it’s a doozy! Disney finally releases Jungle Cruise, starring Dwayen Johnson and Emily Blunt, while there are two smaller movies looking to make some money, Thomas McCarthy’s Stillwater (Focus Features), starring Matt Damon, and David Lowery’s The Green Knight (A24), starring Dev Patel. Should be an interesting one.