#to be fair I never really re-listen to stuff I sing either. because I know I'll pick it apart until I'm sad about it.

[musical-chick-13]

I see all of these posts about "I write so that I can reread my stuff because it's catered to me!" And I respect the absolute hell out of that, but the only reason I write anything is because I have Ideas(tm) in my brain and if I don't get them OUT of my brain, I will lose my mind. Once they are, in fact, out of my brain, I almost NEVER look at them again.

[raunchyom]

Vices, Not Virtues: Kindness

[ Chapter 3 ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ]

A/N: Surprise! Wasn’t planning to have this out on Levi’s birthday, but also wasn’t planning that hiatus. School, amirite? On the plus side, I’ll officially be free by May 1, at which point I can start updating this (semi-) regularly again, so look forward to it! Tagging: @devintrinidad // @dweeb-central

word count: 2.7k || warnings: n/a

Listening to Leviathan rant was pretty much something that came with the territory of being his friend.

Whether about anime, his brothers, video games, anime, school, socializing, normies… oh, and don’t forget anime. There was always something on his mind, and his severely limited social circle meant you were often the recipient of his rants. Today in particular, it spanned a lot of different topics. Your recent absence hadn’t gone unnoticed, and the way he was going on made it seem like he’d bottled up every single emotion over the past few days and shoved them into a box labelled ‘re-open for Mc.’ 

Not that you loved him any less for it, of course. Poor Levi really couldn’t catch a break, and he was so excited to have someone like you who really cared about him-- well, who could blame him for wanting to open up?

Over the past week in particular, he’d been subjected to the usual trauma around the house. Apparently, he’d had Asmo and Satan gang up on him about never leaving the house, even the bookworm agreeing that Levi was too far gone. Mammon had ‘borrowed’ something of his, only for it to never return. Levi knew it was a bad idea every time, but he was too easily won over by promises of his investments being worth it. The last Akuzon delivery was supposed to be a limited edition maid-cafe-style Ruri-chan figurine, that smelled like her bean-cake best friend Azuki-tan-- which, of course, meant that Beel took a bite out of the package before Levi could get there to stop him. Lucifer had lectured him about grades, saying that he knew Levi could do better, if only he stopped playing video games so much-- “as if that’s a compliment!” 

Levi finally stopped pacing, rolling his eyes at the mere memory of it. He glanced down to where you sat, perched on the side of his tub. 

It wasn’t the most comfortable seat in the house, but his room wasn’t exactly made for visitors; you had to make do when you were there for a rant. He’d generally start talking while playing a video game, then gradually pause it, turn around, and eventually stand up and act out his frustrations. It was better for you to just start off seated on the side of his tub, that way he would have an aquarium backdrop for when he inevitably paced in front of you. It gave you a nicer view from the start, and when he wanted to sit again, he could choose to pull up his gaming chair or, if he was feeling particularly bold, sit down next to you.

As if he heard your thoughts, Levi plopped down next to you with a frustrated sigh. “Ugh, they totally don’t deserve to have you helping them all the time.” He grumbled, almost as if talking to himself. “I mean, I don’t either. I don’t know why you spend so much time around some gross otaku. And listen to all my problems, and--”

“Levi, it’s fine.” You assured him, “I don’t mind; we’re friends.” 

Levi glanced at you from the corner of his eye, as if he didn’t believe you. He shifted his gaze back to the fish tank in front of him and continued, “Still, I know I’m always venting to you, and…” 

The lack of eye contact didn’t prevent him from seizing up in your presence. You could practically see the buffering symbol in his brain, mouth wavering as he tried to force the words out. His face was getting red just from knowing your eyes were on him, somehow feeling as if every moment you waited politely for him to continue was a moment of pure torture.

“You don’t ever talk to me.” He mumbled. The words slurred together, as if he could barely convince himself to enunciate the syllables. He fumbled with the cord of his headphones and his stare shifted to the floor. Even eye contact with the fish must’ve been too much.

“We talk all the time.” You sounded much less sure than you felt, probably more out of hurt than anything. Did your friendship not mean as much as you thought it did? 

“That’s not what I--!” Levi frowned harder, tugging more incessantly at his headphones. He huffed out a frustrated breath, knowing what he wanted to say but not how to say it. “You do talk to me, but… you listen to me a lot more…” 

“So… you want me to talk more?” Levi was usually pretty easy to read. Sure, he didn’t say his emotions outright, but they were often written all over his face. In times like this though, when he was stuttering and refusing to make eye contact even more than normal, he wasn’t quite as transparent.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but not-- I meant-- why don’t you ever ask?” Levi finally blurted out, surprising you both. “...for help? Why don’t you ever ask for help?”

“Uh… what?” Well, this was out of nowhere. You were supposed to be listening to his problems, but now he was upset that you hadn’t brought up yours? Was there some part of his rant that you were supposed to cut into with your own? 

“I notice, around the house, and RAD, and-- and everywhere. You never let people help you with things. You never ask for it yourself, even when you need it.” After a second, his eyes widened. “Not-- Not that I watch you! I-It’s nothing weird like that! I-I’m gross, and an otaku, and-- b-but-- I don’t st-stalk you or anything!” 

It was funny, watching Levi dig his own grave deeper. On the one hand, it was amusing to hear Levi desperately try to explain away any potential misinterpretation, but it was mixed with a fair amount of confusion about what his point was supposed to be. Your face must have portrayed this in some way, or at least one of these two emotions, because a cursory glance from Levi had him forcing himself back on track before he could say anything worse.

“I mean, I get why you don’t want my help. I-I’m just some yucky otaku, who’s anti-social and um, probably couldn’t help with anything anyway.” Levi was really good at kicking himself while he was down. Given, he always seemed to be down, and he always seemed to be kicking himself.

“Levi, that’s not why...” The words fell away halfway through your sentence, having caught yourself before admitting to anything. 

“So why?” You may have caught yourself before admitting anything too damning, but Levi caught it too. He was dense, not an idiot. “No, you don’t have to tell me. I mean, there’s a lot of other reasons you might not ask for help, too. Maybe you don’t want to feel weak, or admit that you need help from other people. Or maybe it’s because it’s hard to ask someone for something, when you’re already annoying them just by being around them. Or…  that last one is probably just me.”

“You’re not annoy--”

“It’s not about that!” Levi cut you off, determined to make his point. “The point is, you can’t do everything by yourself. Even Henry has the seven lords to help him. And Ruri-chan has her friends. In fact, her friends are what make her so--”

Levi took a deep breath, for once stopping his own tirade about anime. “Can you just… tell me why, at least?”

Song references aside, it wasn’t an easy question to answer, even if you wanted to. Levi didn’t often ask for this kind of thing though, which made it hard to turn him down. “It’s a lot of things, like you said. I just want to show that I can. Do things on my own, I mean.”

Levi frowned, unsure how to combat you. He already wasn’t exactly a pro on asking people for help, he holed up in his room too much for that. He had been, so far, basing it off the rare times he left his room. But now you were mentioning something that he could relate to on some level, except… “You… want to prove yourself?”

“I guess.” Not how you’d phrase it, necessarily, but not entirely inaccurate. Or really, it was oversimplifying the issue by a long shot, but it was better to give Levi half credit rather than no credit. His self esteem could certainly use it.

“But why!? You’re-- you’re so cool! You made a pact with every demon in the House of Lamentation! You could make a pact with Diavolo if you tried! You taught Satan to control his anger, you got Asmo to care about someone other than himself, you stood up to Lucifer when he was going to kill Beel and Luke-- and you, too!--, you got Belphie to get along with everyone again, you even died and--” It could’ve been that he realized what he was saying, or it could’ve been that he saw your face when he brought it up; either way, Levi clamped his mouth shut mid-sentence.

“I-I mean, not everyone gets to respawn.” He mumbled, hoping a video game reference would make it less awkward again. After a moment of silence, he reiterated his original point. “You don’t need to prove yourself. You already have.” 

It was heartwarming, hearing Levi sing your praises as he did. But that wasn’t exactly a quick fix for the fact that asking for help meant admitting you were bad at something. Or even just admitting to needing help at all. Lucifer said he had to teach you some pride, well here was a lesson you could skip. This one you knew well: don’t want to swallow your pride and ask for help? Easy, just don’t ever ask!

Levi seemed antsy to fill the silence, but managed to hit the nail on the head when he spoke again. “I know how it feels, when you see someone that’s better than you at something. It’s frustrating. And painful. Especially if you’re supposed to be the best, and then someone else knows more than you do, about a book series that they just read for the first time, and then spoil stuff about the one that hasn’t even been released yet, even though you’re the number one TSL fan and they shouldn’t even have that informa--”

“That was one time!” You protested. Levi let out a puff of air that was somewhere in between a scoff and a snort, but he didn’t seem to be legitimately angry. Then again, leave it to Levi to hold a grudge from the early days of the exchange program.

“Sometimes though, you can use that jealousy. Being jealous of someone can drive you to get better at things, or to learn from them. Or just ask them for help, if you have to. I’m never gonna work out like Beel, so if I need help lifting something I’ll just ask him for help doing it.” He deliberately didn’t mention his past experiences in asking for Beel’s help in getting fit, hoping you didn’t know about the devilgram posts Asmo made about it. You did, but decided to let it go. After a moment of consideration, he added, “I usually have to pay him with food, though.

“We may not always get along, but at least my brothers and I know how to depend on each other. Lucifer may act-- well, be annoyed a lot, but there’s a reason everyone goes to him for help. He helps the people he cares about… even if it comes with a lecture. Everyone knows to go to Satan if they need information, or help studying. Asmo’s so good with fashion that he works with Majolish, and still--” Levi’s chest puffed out a bit as he spoke-- “he comes to me for help in design too, since he knows I’m the best at cosplays.”

“That almost sounded like you were complimenting yourself.” Levi deflated a bit at your teasing tone, both embarrassed and a bit self-conscious. You felt some guilt about the latter, but none from the former. Not when his embarrassment meant his face scrunched up like that, and he floundered to go back on his own claims.

“W-Well, I didn’t mean-- of course I’m good at otaku stuff! A normie wouldn’t understand!” He floundered, clearly at a loss for what to say if he was falling back on calling you a normie. That was pretty much his version of sticking his tongue out when he lost.

“It’s hard to imagine Mammon ever gets asked for help.” You offered, trying to get him back on track. ...and maybe continue to push his buttons just a tad.

“That idiot--” Levi took a deep breath, gritting his teeth as he sought a way to talk about Mammon without including some form of insult, “He gets into trouble all the time, obviously. He’s a moron because of the kind of trouble he gets into, not because he asks for help. At least he knows to come to us for help when he needs it.”

At that, Levi gave you a pointed look. Well, consider that the last time you ever try to help him get back on track.

“Mc, none of us will think less of you. People usually consider it an ego-boost if someone comes to them for help. Especially if it’s y--” Levi fumbled, quick to brush past his near-slip. “If anything, we want to help. If you asked for help with your work and school and things, you’d have more time to yourself; for watching anime and playing games.” 

Levi tried to make it sound like he was being benevolent, but the implied ‘with me’ was hard to miss.

“So, you could try asking for help some more, to lighten your load. If you want. It would make me--  um, make u-us feel better, too.” He seemed content in ending it there, and made an effort to end any potential continuation of the topic. Flipping on a dime, Levi was quick to talk over any potential response. “Th-That’s all, anyways!  Uh, we can just-- go back to, you know. Playing devilcart, or um, we can watch some anime, or--”

“Thank you, Levi.” You had to put a hand on his arm to make him listen, the simple action instantly sending the touch-starved demon into fight-or-flight mode. “I’ll try.”

He swallowed back his nerves and nodded, surprised he had managed to make it through that whole talk. You were too, really, as soon as you realized that this was supposed to be his intervention for you.

As much as you might loathe to admit it, his talk made sense. Or at least it had some aspects of truth to it, and perhaps you felt marginally better about asking the bros for help. Levi made it very clear how he felt about wanting to help you, the least you could do was see if the others felt the same. And hey, maybe he had a point about people wanting you to ask them for help in general, too. Who would’ve guessed it, but so far these demons seemed to know a thing or two about sinning.

---

“Is something the matter, my Lord?”

“It’s been awfully quiet the past few days. I wonder what those brothers are up to?” Boredom generally caused Diavolo’s mind to wander to the Devildom’s most notorious troublemakers, but this week especially. His fellow members of the student council had been quieter than normal, without even a yelling match in days; much less something exciting enough to warrant Diavolo’s attention. Thus leaving the prince here, sighing as he pondered their goings on.

Barbatos poured Diavolo’s tea with a knowing smile. “They have been quite busy this week.”

“Oh?”

“It seems they’re corrupting Mc.” Barbatos spoke as if it were a common occurrence. 

Diavolo chuckled. “Should we be worried?”

“Quite the opposite. They’re working together to get Mc to take better care of themself.”

“Is that so?” Lethargy had caused Diavolo to ignore his tea at first, but the new information made him forget about it altogether. Diavolo sat up straighter, excitement tugging his mouth into a smile. “Perhaps I’ll bring tomorrow’s meeting to Lucifer, and pay the house of lamentation a visit.”

“Of course, my Lord.”

[eeriefeelingsat3amuwu]

What were the octopus and the spider doing?

Characters: Remus, Virgil (Sanders Sides), Janus mention, Roman mention- minor spoilers for SvS Redux

Tw: cursing, blood, slight gore (it’s Remus, what do you expect)

Relationships: platonic Dukexiety because it’s my JAM bro

Genre: Idk man, fluff? Something like that but not quite as fluffy? Just...my boys doing shit together

Like, dudes, I love these two idiots, they’re my boiis and I would kill for them. Enjoy...this and I apologize for any mistake that was made by me being a clueless Europian Who’s shit with English spelling. Especially double letters. Ugh.

Virgil was laying on his bed listening to one of his playlists and being really bored. He didn’t wanna show face up there because everything hurt (physicaly, for once) and he just wasn’t in the mood to deal with the others’ shit right now. He fucking hated everything. The wedding was a total disaster and he had to keep Thomas’ head down during it, so he was tired. He very well knew that the callback would’ve been a better choice, but that would be siding with Janus and he kinda hated him. A...lot of stuff happened between the two of them and they had a falling out a few months back, so they acted like bitches around each other now. So, thanks to that, he was exhausted, everything hurt and he was done™️, all because he held a grudge. He sometimes really hated himself. So he just started singing along to the songs and pulled out his sewing kit and a dress he was working on right now and just got himself into work. He was so lost in the music and work that he hadn’t heard another side pop up in his room. And so he was notified of Remus’ presence only when he threw a hand on him. Just. A hand. He screamed and fell off the bed. “Jesus fuck!”| “Remus would be just enough Virgey.” answered Remus with a smug smirk. “Oh fuck off bitch! And why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be, like, driving Deceit crazy or laying in a ditch full of mud and blood by now?” Remus snorted as he leaned down, grabbed the hand of off the bed and placed it back on his wrist, moving it around until the bone clicked back. “Well, I don’t know what you’ve been doing down here, but Double D went up there,” he said pointing towards the ceiling, “and laying in a ditch seems boring, so I came to either A: annoy the shit out of you; or B: beat your Just Dance high score. It’s up to you emo.” Virgil rolled his eyes snapping his fingers (placing his dress safely in the closet) and stood up, dusting his hoodie. “That ain’t fair Dukey, you’re gonna annoy me whatever I choose. So, I present this: we beat Janice’s high score in Just Dance, since he’s still better then the both of us, and if they ain’t done by then I’ll show you a few pieces of clothing I’ve been working on recently and we’ll have a show. How ‘bout that?”| “Great ideas Virge. I approve! And...I’ll be there first!” he screamed and took a running start towards the door. Virgil yelped and ran out behind him. They raced down the hallway towards the Dark Side commons and it looked like Remus was winning, but there was one place where they needed to turn left and since Remus was running really quickly, he rammed right into the wall whilst Virgil summoned his spider arms and swung like Spider-man around the corner, landing in front of the sofa. Remus groaned and got up from the floor stumbling over to Virgil and patting him on the back before colapsing on the floor again, face down this time.

“Yo Re, you alive?” asked Virgil poking him with his foot. “Ughhhhhh, fckng waaall, tht wsn’t fairrr.” could be heard from Remus. Virgil turned him around and helped him get up, laughing out loud when he noticed that he broke his nose. He grabbed it and with the words “Dude, don’t cum please.” snapped it back into position. Remus groaned, but thankfuly obliged Virgil’s request. The two of them were playing Just Dance for the next half an hour or so until they FINALY defeated Janus’ high score by switching when one of them got tired in the middle of the song. They cheered and then a loud bang could be heard from upstairs. They screeched like the demons that they were and jumped onto each other. “What the fuck was that?!” Virgil screamed as soon as the sound stopped, his voice warped. “I don’t have a fucking clue, but I sincerly hope that Jany deals with it before it comes down here and eats us alive like fucking oysters leaving only our skin!”| “That isn’t helping you cunt!”| “I know! Sorry, defense mechanism.”| “I know, sorry, I’m KiNdA stressed right now!”| “Please stop screaming.”| “Sorry...”| “Yea...could we maybeee go to your room? It’s a bit more soundproof then the commons.”| “Oh sure! Let’s go.” Virge said and teleported them.

He exhaled with relief when they landed in his room and went to the closet. “Let’s just do this shit. Still better then going up there.”| “Agreed. And you are actually really good at making clothes. What am I gonna wear? Skin? Uncleaned fur? Dead bees?”| “No. You’re gonna be wearing a dress Rere. I’m not making them out of dead bees. If you’re a good bitch and don’t rip them/ cover them in blood or any other substances, I’ll let you do my nails after. Deal?”| “Deal! Oh! Are they long? Maybe I could use them to scare the shit out of Roman in his beaaauuutiful castle...I should write that down!” Remus said and snapped a torn up notebook into his hand along with a pen. He poked himself in the thumb with said pen and used his blood as a filling, writing down three or four lines. Virgil could see only a few words (Remus wasn’t known for his amazing handwriting), but even with the words he did see, he knew that maybe he should stop by Roman’s room afterwards and tell him that he probably shouldn’t stay in the imagination during the next full moon. He pulled the dress out of the closet and checked them. Everything seemed to be fine, but one can never be too careful, so he checked the inside as well and grabbed a tape measure, measuring Remus’ chest, hips and waist. After he was sure everything was fine, he gave him the dress. Remus looked at them and actually stayed silent for a while, so Virgil counted it as a win on his part. Remus then jumped into the dress and got tangled up in the cloth, falling to the ground. Virgil snickered, helped him up and untangled him, moving the dress so that they would fit better. After he was done he turned around and gave Remus a pair of shoes to go along with the dress and when he put them on, turned to look at him. He nodded to himself. Re looked good. The dress was made from a lot of different layers of green cloth, each of them in their own shade of the colour. They were short, only going down towards the knees, but one part of the dress were black leggins, which went all the way down. The skirt was layered and looked like a flower, with multiple layeres of green in the bottom and a black overcoat on the top; the top of the dress was made from black leather with neon green laces tightening it. The sleeves were puffed and made from two types of cloth - a silky dark green that made up the sleeve and a seethrough lime green on top, slightly scrunched up. Neither the sleeves nor the skirt would be restraining any movement, so they were both pretty and practical. The boots that went with them were tall and black going almost all the way up to the knees and they had neon green laces - they looked the same as the top of the dress. They had platforms, but no heels, again, made to slay with style (and slay dragon witches without tripping over something, it is Remus we are talking about). Remus’ eyes actually sparkled when he saw how he looked in said dress and he twirled around, laughing when the skirt spinned. Yes, he was obnoxious, loud, had a very specific style and most of his thoughts and ideas were gross, but that didn’t mean that he hated looking cute. He was actually very soft, but he rarely let anyone see that. Virgil been knew tho. Like, what would you expect? He grew up with him and even though they were supposed to hate each other now, they were still best friends. And that won’t change. There was this one night, a pretty long time ago, Virgil still lived with the ‘Dark Sides’ and he and Remus were sitting in a tree, laughing about some new prank they pulled on Janus (hence why they were in a tree and not inside), when Remus looked at Virgil and told him: “You’re my brother, right? You might not be Roman, we might not be related, but you’re my brother!” And Virgil, even though he was a bit surprised by this, responded with a “Yep!” And that hasn’t changed.

Tags: @nyamafriend @exhaustedauthor @definietlynotsatan

[miss-choco-chips]

College au part 2

Home, a place where I can go to take this off my shoulders- someone take me home (Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors & Bebe Rexha – Home)

They are there for each other, the good and the bad. That’s what family is for, after all.

-.-.-.-.-.-

-I'm so gay -sighed Miguel almost dreamingly, stopping next to Slobo by the doors leading to the backyard.

Blissfully unaware of them, Tim was going through his usual routine of what seemed a mix of gymnastics, various martial arts and parkour, with a side of dancing to spice things up.

His friend snorted without even raising his eyes from the motorcycle engine he was trying to fix. A blasphemy, in Miguel's humble opinion, to have such an amazing view and to not take advantage of it.

-I know.

He dropped to the ground, head resting on Slobo's shoulder, gaze unwavering in his appreciation of slim muscles and perfectly controlled strength. Tamed power to the fullest.

-I mean like, really really gay.

-Yeah, what else is new? Pass me the motor oil.

He blindly patted the ground for it, picking something vaguely shaped like a can and thrusting it to where he thought were the other's hands.

When Tim bends over and starts stretching, Miguel wheezes and drops the can.

-I'm so stupidly, non functionally gay.

Slobo rolled his eyes and picked it up, his other hand going to close Miguel’s jaw.

-Dude that's all old news. Either come here with fresh gossip, be helpful, or leave. I don't need you making a mess of my stuff. You are getting your hormones all over my individual bubble.

Miguel sighed again, eyes almost physically turning into hearts when Tim stretched his arms over his head.

-Fuck, I can’t handle this much inner gay. It’s overwhelming.

-Nothing inner about it, dude. You’re dripping it all over my work station. Can’t you go be a disaster gay somewhere else?

-Tim is here, so no can do.

-Can’t you just ask him out and save us all the pining show and second hand embarrassment? 

A few meters away, Tim had taken out the bo staff and was practicing some moves. He accidentally brushed a branch (a thick one, from the pine tree Kon’s grandparents had made him plant upon moving there), and snapped it in half. He seemed kinda sheepish about it, which was both adorable and terrifying. Miguel was scared and horny.

-He’d destroy me.

Slobo hummed, hand reaching up to pat Miguel in the shoulder.

-Sounds like something you’d be kinda into, though.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-This coffee tastes like dirt -complained Tim, while chugging half the pot in one long gulp. 

Distantly, Cassie noted there was still steam coming out of the liquid. Hadn’t Tim just brew it? Also, was it completely dark? No sugar? 

Like her future?

Despairingly, she let her head fall again on the table.

-Why did I get into politics?

-Your pathological need to fulfill Diana’s expectations -replied Cissie, sitting across from her, long hair in what could have been a bun once upon a time but now looked more like a bird’s nest. That had been hit by lighting. Repeatedly.

It strangely suited her. Or it could be Cassie’s adoration for her friend speaking, who the fuck knows.

-Which, I might add -interjected Tim, not waiting for them to say ‘you may’ before continuing. Because he was a rude bastard like that- you invented by yourself. Diana only hopes you don’t end up in jail. And if it's for the right causes, she might even forgive that. 

He dropped to the ground for no discernible reason, back to the cabinets where they kept the fine cutlery they never used. He was staring at the halfway empty pot like it contained the key to conquering mankind.

Knowing Tim, it might actually be true.

-Don’t try to take over the world -she asked, worried he might. Cissie made a confused sound, not privy to Cassie’s internal monologue, but Tim just nodded distractedly, which was all she needed before turning back to her half done paper.

-How are you doing, sis?

-Sis like sister, o Ciss like Cissie? -came Tim’s voice from behind her, probably still sitting on the ground. 

-Yes.

-Oh -the girl in front of her blinked- sorry, you were talking to me? 

-I mean… Tim is not ‘sis’.

-I resent that, I totally could be. Also, seriously, why does my coffee taste like dirt?

-Don’t drink it then. You were saying, honey?

Cassie rested her chin on a hand, elbow carefully to the side of her paper. 

-How are you doing?

-Wondering why did I ever thought studying psychology was a good idea. Why? Who started me on this path, and can I punch them? -her voice raised higher and higher the more distressed she got- Tim? Do you remember?

-Your therapist back in high school got you out of your toxic home life and helped you basically re-build your sense of self worth. Also you like to get into everyone’s business so Kon suggested making a career out of it.

-Remind me to punch him later.

-You could break your hand, and you have an archery competition this friday.

-Kick him, then.

-Got ya.

-Can I just die? -interjected Cassie, phone at hand. Her screen displayed a text sent by a classmate, who updated her on their due date. Apparently, she had calculated wrong and it was way sooner than what she thought- What’s the worst that could happen if I die? I’m sure people would get over it.

-You’d be losing all the progress you made in your career so far -reminded her Cissie.

Tim’s voice joined from behind- Included, but not limited to, that one class you had with the douche professor. Imagine if you lost your progress and had to start over. Imagine having class with him again.

She shivered- That was both incredibly motivational, and unholily terrorizing.

Greta entered the kitchen then. She looked fresh and cute, which was probably due to her having a full night’s sleep.

-Wow, you three have been here the whole night? -she asked, obviously concerned, looking over Cissie’s shoulder at her assignment- Did you guys even make progress? At all? -her eyes discovered Tim’s half assed project, on the place next to where Cissie sat.

If Cassie didn’t love her so much, she would punch her in the face.

Tim sighed.

-I can’t get up. I can’t feel my legs -he admitted. Cassie thinks, she should be worried. Losing sensibility seemed like a serious problem. But, whatever, Greta was here, and she was perfectly well rested. Let her take care of the worrying.

-Tim? Oh my god, are you alright? -she rushed to his side.

-I think the coffee stopped making effect, and my three-on-a-row all nighters caught up to me. Just let me die, Greta. If coffee is not longer working on my body, I might as well let the grim reaper do its thing. 

Cassie couldn’t see her any longer, since she was at her back by Tim’s side, but she could still somehow sense her concern growing.

-Tim... Did you use this bag by the coffee maker to brew it?

-I can’t move my head to look up at what you’re pointing, but I guess I did.

-Oh, honey… that is soil for Kon’s vegetable plot. Not coffee grounds.

-...so that’s why it tasted like dirt. Thank god. Excuse me while I faint.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-I think Conner is dead on our living room -announced Miguel entering the kitchen. Slobo, Anita and Greta didn’t even blink, just kept their... poker? game going.

-He’s probably just sleeping -the other man waved a hand dismissively- Did you check his pulse or something?

-Ew, no. What if he’s really dead? I don’t want to touch a corpse. Greta, you go touch it.

-Why me? 

-If anyone will need to put their fingerprints in a veritable crime scene, who better than the only one with no criminal record?

-Tim doesn't have it either, go knock on his door and tell him to do it. I’m about to swindle both these jerks.

-There’s a difference between never getting caught by the police, and erasing all virtual proof of your crimes. Tim belongs to the second group. Also, last I checked, he and Bart were working on something on his room. I’m not approaching that danger zone without protective equipment.

-Speaking of -Slobo raised his head, looking around- has anyone bought them food in the last couple of hours?

-Kon, probably. 

-He is dead -he reminded them- Cassie and Cissie are still asleep, and I’m not waking them up. Greta?

Out of their group, Conner was Tim and Bart’s official handler (when Tim was not micromanaging them all, at least; little control freak).  Many people believed he lifted at the gym to get all the girls; in truth, as the boy had once told Miguel, it was so he could carry both his friends to bed in one trip to tuck them in at the same time, because if he did it separately, the one that got to be second always tried to make a run for it. 

In the event he was unavailable, Cassie took over. Her skills with a lasso and years of practice at the rodeo came in handy then, and it never failed to crack him up when he saw how swiftly she caught them both.

And if she wasn’t close or was busy, then Cissie took over for Bart and Greta for Tim, as they could only handle one at the time.

The rest of them were last resource. Second to last was Jason Todd, who as both Tim’s brother and Bart’s TA held a fair amount of power over them.

If Jason told them to fuck off, then Slobo, Miguel and Anita would talk it out among themselves. Slobo would suggest knocking them out. Which, considering Bart’s speed and Tim’s mindblowing ninja training (and where the hell did he learn that, they would never know), wasn’t a very realistic option. Anita suggested drugs; but between Bart’s ADHD medication and Tim’s antibiotics for his lack of spleen and antidepressants, the adverse effects made them all a little uncomfortable with the idea.

Miguel’s own suggestions, which involved a lot of tender care and coddling, where ignored with a few laughs and a shrug.

-Fuck you, I’m not leaving this table so close to cleaning you both up. If you are worried, you go feed them.

Slobo shrugged.

-If they die, I call Tim’s room. Having a roommate is the worst.

-Excuse you -raised an eyebrow Miguel, walking to the fridge for a drink. He might as well watch the game.

-If I have to listen to you practicing your singing before showering one more time...

-If I can deal with you cursing at your phone at five am, you can deal with my melodious voice -Miguel blinked- That’s not poker.

-We are playing Truco.

-What?

-It’s a popular game in Argentina, or so Tim said. He taught us when he was having a coffee break this morning. And by the way: Truco, bitches!

-I’m in! -Slobo yelled back.

Greta looked at her cards impassively, then at the ones laying on the table between the three of them, before raising an eyebrow- I call Re Truco.

Miguel watched them go for a while. He wasn’t sure on the rules, but from the way they kept yelling, he knew it was highly competitive. It also seemed to involve a great amount of deceit, bullshiting and being as poker faced as possible. It made sense that Tim had been the one introducing them to the game. Speaking of…

-Maybe if I knock on the door with a coffee offering, he’ll listen to me without punching my nose in? -he mumbled to himself, aware that the others were ignoring him. Decided to test his luck, he climbed to his feet and readied the coffee maker.

The rest of the afternoon saw Miguel sitting on Tim’s bed, watching from the sidelines how both he and Bart built… something. It had a chainsaw and a mini shield, so maybe a fighting bot? There were some (not very legal) competitions around campus...

It was almost dinner time when he remembered a tiny, small detail.

-Man, I’m so hungry. You guys think dinner is ready? -asked Bart, hand sweeping the sweat off his forehead- Who was in charge of it tonight?

Lightning-like realization hit Miguel.

-Oh, yeah, speaking of that… Kon was probably dead, last time I checked. Maybe we should order a pizza or something?

-Cool, I could do pizza. 

-I’m sorry, Kon was what?!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-You guys need jobs -told them Tim one morning over breakfast. They had just moved in together, and classes were about to start. Nobody seemed willing to talk about responsibility yet, but he felt like they needed the push to do it.

-I have a job -proudly smiled Bart, eyes never leaving the TV where his character was beating Kon’s into a bloody plump. He didn’t elaborate past that, and Tim made a mental note to investigate further later. Bart’s career was enough, they needn't add another unsolved mystery.

-Where is this coming from, though? We have loads of time for that -scoffed Slobo, watching the game intently.

-Classes are starting soon, and people will be getting all the good jobs. I did some calculations, and the money you guys have been saving for living expenses will run out in two, three months tops. Greta has the coffee shop thing and Cassie just got called back from the movie theatre, but the rest of you need to find some money maker. Stat.

-And what about you? -threw Cissie back, internally agreeing with him but despising the reality check.

Tim looked at her, completely deadpan. Silently, he took out his wallet, fishing three cards (one silver, one golden and one black) from it and showing them to her.

-Even before being adopted by a billionaire, I already was a rich trust fund baby. And now that I’ve said it, I’m gonna avoid getting punched by making my exit. Good luck job hunting.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cassie and Anita’s room was ground floor, along with the kitchen, living room, laundry area, a medium size bathroom with a shower, and a very small one with only the toilet and sink. The second floor housed Bart and Conner’s room, along with Miguel and Slobo’s, and Cissie and Greta’s, plus the biggest bathroom, with both a tub and shower. The attic had been claimed by Tim, who won that right by paying the deposit for the house on top of his part of the rent. It was the biggest room, the size of the entire house without partitions, with only one separation in the form of the small sized bathroom. He loved his room, would pay twice what he coughed up to have it. It was worth it, every cent.

He loved his attic; The bathroom, however, was another thing. It ran out of warm water constantly.

-This is the second time this month. I love you, but you aren’t burrowing our bath -denied Cissie firmly, arms crossed as she waited outside the door for Greta to finish her shower-. If it was any other day I’d say yes, you know I would, but you aren’t the only one that needs to get ready for the movie, and there’s six of us sharing here. Go ask the girls.

Defeated but understanding, he went another floor down, arms full with his skin and hair care products (he had a image to keep, and one never knew when paparazzi would be around; he and his brothers had a steady competition on who got caught in camera being a ugly mess the least, that he wasn’t willing to lose) and clean clothes. 

Anita shrugged when she opened the door, still naked except from her towel and hair dripping.

-Yeah, Cassie already took hers. Just remember to lock the door, dude. Since its ground floor bathroom, someone always tries to get in to pee when you’re showering, it’s annoying. Also, don’t come at me with complains about hair in the drain, okay? 

Thankful beyond caring, he nodded and hurried towards it.

He wasn’t expecting what he found there. Already halfway to the shower, he stopped to leave his folded clothes on top of the cabinet near the sink when he saw...

-Why are there weapons here? -he couldn't help but scream, clutching a towel to his naked chest. He felt distinctly like a victorian lady preserving her virtue from a foe. It was a very curious feeling.

-I said no judgements!! -Anita yelled back from across the hallway.

-Yeah, regarding hair on the floor! Nobody said anything about weapons!

-So I forgot my katana there after my shower, big deal. Just don’t fall on it, problem solved.

-No, I’m used to seeing your katana, but why the fuck do you girls have cat shaped brass knuckles?

-They are cute and useful! Aren’t you taking a shower, dude? The movie starts soon!

Deciding that this wasn't a battle worth picking, he turned on the warm water. Ahh, nice, wonderful hot water.

-Oh, Tim! -came Cassie’s yell- Don’t lock the door, forget what Anita said! I need to put on my make up and that mirror is better than the one in our room.

-I’m gonna be showering though.

-And?

Yeah, she had a point. Shrugging, he made sure the door was unlocked before stepping under the water and closing the curtain.

He heard her coming in and rummaging through one of the little bags he saw on the sink cabinet. He couldn't help but ask.

-Why do you guys keep weapons here?

-They are for when we are most vulnerable.

-With thighs like yours you’re never vulnerable.

-I love you. But just pretend I have noodle legs, for argument’s sake.

-Mkay. 

-Well, name one instance when you’re more weak and exposed than when you’re taking a shower.

-...Yeah, I follow. Still seems a bit excessive, but I do like that pointy needle thing you have by the blow dryer. I need to get my sister one of those, cute and deadly like her.

-That? Oh, honey, no, that’s a hair pin. 

-If you put your hair in a bun and use that as an ornament, you’d never be unarmed, that’s all I’m saying. Again, cute and deadly. 

-...You’ve opened my eyes.

-You’re welcome. May I borrow your eyeliner?

-Sure, but why? You don’t usually use makeup.

-If I make myself long enough wings, maybe I’ll be able to fly away from my problems. Or look fabulous enough to not care about them.

-In moments like this I’m reminded of my undying love for you. Do my eyes too.

-Gotcha.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He came home five minutes after receiving the text, chest heaving from the run and heart beating furiously for a entirely different reason.

Cassie, phone at hand, was waiting by the door. Her eyes were solemn.

-What happened? -he asked, not bothering with niceties as he stepped in and closed the door behind him.

-Family dinner went wrong -she shrugged-, not that he told me. Bart was playing games when he walked in and he texted Jason, who told him, and then he came to me.

Fuck them, Kon thought uncharitably. The Waynes were both an awesome family, and boarding on toxic. Guessing which kind were they going to be any given week was like playing lottery. It was such a Murphy law thing that they went for shitty this particular weekend, where Tim could have used their love and support the most.

-How is Jason? -he asked, not that he cared too much, but because he knew Tim would want to know sooner or later.

-Bart didn’t say, but he did mention he was hanging out with Kori and Roy, and Artemis said in the family group chat to not bother her tonight, so I’m assuming she’s there too.

-Biz is still at the farm, but three is better than nothing -he sighed, taking off his coat and walking towards the stairs- Bart?

-He just convinced Tim to take a bath in the big tub, so he’s probably standing guard by the door.

A nod, Kon’s steps hurried with purpose now that he had a clear destination in mind.

-The others?

Cassie waved vaguely towards the arch on the wall leading to the living room. Kon could see someone moving there from the corner of his eye, but didn’t turn to check; he wouldn't be derailed from his path.

-Greta went to the attic to clean Tim’s room a bit. You know he doesn't have the strength to do it himself right now, but seeing it like that also makes him feel worse. Cissie and Anita are readying the living room for a movie night, picking up all the pillows and blankets in the house. A pillow fort might be in the making.

They were on the second floor now. Kon could see Bart ahead, back resting against the wall, just by the side of the door.

-Slobo ran to Tim’s favorite pizza place -Cassie kept going, keeping pace with him- and should be back soon; Miguel went to the store to buy comfort food, sweets and stuff. Ice cream too, probably.

Conner nodded again, glad to see everyone was following their protocol for these kind of situations. All their housemates accounted for, he stopped in front of Bart and patted his shoulder comfortingly. He was very empathetic, tended to pick up on everyone’s moods, specially Tim’s, and let himself be influenced by them. The shadows on his eyes were probably a mirror image of how their friend currently taking a bath was doing. Not so hot, apparently.

-I’ll take it from here, you guys go put on your pajamas and help the girls get everything ready -he suggested, eyes going to Cassie’s. She nodded, understanding that her mission now was to calm Bart down. Helping Anita and Cissie would do wonders for him.

On most situations, the group tended to follow Tim’s lead, their indisputable commander in chief; when he couldn’t be there, or was too emotionally compromised, Cassie would take over. However, in this particular scenario, everyone deferred to him for some reason. Maybe because he’s been with Tim for the longest time, maybe because he knew him best. It didn’t matter; all he cared about was that it made his work easier, and they seemed glad to have a task they could focus on, rather than dwelling in concern.

Softly, he rapped his knuckles against the door.

-Tim? I’m coming in, dude -he informed him, voice low as to not spook him if he was dissociating. The last they needed was him slipping in the shower.

When no answer came, he entered the steamy bathroom, door closing behind him. As Cassie had predicted, Tim was sitting in the almost full tub, knees hugged to his chest and chin resting above them. His eyes went to Conner when he approached him though, which was a good enough sign to make him visibly sigh in relief.

Tim’s eyes narrowed, as if he wanted to snap at him that he didn’t need them to take care of him, but then he just deflated and looked ahead again, not nearly strong enough to fight.

Knot growing on his chest, Kon sat by the tub’s edge- Hey there. You’re not looking very cool right now. Have I ever told you I despise like 66% of your family?

-Three out of six is not 66%.

-Three? I only like Alfred and Cass.

-You don’t dislike Jason.

-I mean, it varies from moment to moment. But I’ll give you that since you’re feeling bad, and concede on 50%.

Tim snorted a little, and his eyes didn’t look as dead as they had when Kon first came in, so he gave himself infinite Best Friend points.

-Want to talk about it? -he asked gently, hand on Tim’s wet shoulder. He felt more like saw him shrug.

-Nothing to tell, really… It was more of the same shit. I love them, but sometimes they…

-Don’t make it easy, huh?

-...yeah. I don’t even know why I’m so fucked up over it, I’m used to this.

Kon squeezed his shoulder- Your psychiatrist warned you, this week was gonna be tough even without the family drama.  Your body is adjusting to the new medication, and it…

-Yeah, yeah, I know -he sighs, sinking deeper into the water- I just… I just hate this. That my brain works like that, that I worry you all, that I can’t just fucking deal with it alone. You know what Jack used to say about mental illness…

-A stupid bastard’s words shouldn't be taken seriously. And you know we don’t like the J word in this house, it’s one of the rules.

Tim’s smile, small and tentative, was a thing of beauty. It never failed to remind Kon why he put so much effort into making the situation better for his friend, when he saw that it actually did help.

-You guys can’t just erase my father from my memory by sheer force of will and avoidance of the topic.

-Sure we can -he gave his shoulder a  light pat-. The boys will be here soon with food, and I heard a movie night is in order. You done with your bath? We could stay here longer if you want to, though.

Tim’s smile grew a little bit, cheeks warming, delighted despite himself at the love and care that was being bestowed upon him. Some time ago, he might have fought them over it; the progress was hard earned, but Kon wouldn't change a single thing about it.

-Yeah, I just have to put conditioner on and comb my hair -he hesitated a bit, glancing down at his arms hugging his legs and probably weighing their strength-. Could you, uh… do it for me?

Kon had already been reaching for the bottle even before he asked.

There was little he could do to help Tim, medical wise. But there were professionals for that, and after many late night talks and specially bad episodes, Tim had gotten better at seeking their help when needed.

What he could do was no less important, though; making sure their home was a safe, supportive, non-toxic place for him to come back to.

That’s what best friends-- what family was there for.

[spxllcxstxr]

⛵️hi!!!! Congrats on hitting 100!!!!!

I love your writing and i cant wait to hopefully read more in the future!!

I would like to get a ship with a boy. my pronouns are she/her.

I’m polish, I have shoulder length brown hair with bangs. My eyes are blue and I have fair skin. I’m also 5’4

I used to be be really shy, but since it bothered me so much I’ve decided to become more confident, that’s why I do a lot of things that are out of my comfort zone. I like to challenge myself. I’m a gryffindor.

I love acting, singing (I’m not really great at it though). I am also interested in skincare, makeup and fashion, I like to exercise (only on my own tho), I am interested in mythology and sociology. I dream of learning many other languages. I hate math and it’s the nightmare of my life. I am really talkative and I’m a determined person, very optimistic. I always try to make people around me feel comfortable, I think I’m an extrovert. I would do anything for my friends. I also tend to overthink, I get easily distracted, can be lazy and I have troubles controlling my emotions - it’s really easy to anger me and it’s hard to calm down. When it comes to romantic relationships - I like to flirt, but because of my past experience I get anxious every time someone takes interest in me, because I’m scared they just want to use me, they are not genuine etc. so it’s actually hard for me to allow anyone near me.

I don’t know if it makes sense and sorry for any mistakes, as i said English is not my first language haha

Hey! Thank you so much! And sorry for the wait. Your English was great by the way! Your ship awaits under the cut

I ship you with: Remus Lupin

First of all, the height difference!

Remus is at least like 6 foot, and he’s going to tower over you

But like, in a cute way

He’ll pick you up and put things higher up on shelves to watch you struggle.

He’ll love comparing hand sizes and resting his arm on top of your head. Of course, if you tell him you hate that, he won’t do it.

If you’re ever insecure about your height he’ll be very reassuring

“My love, you’re so perfect for me. I’m tall, you’re short, we go together perfectly.”

Remus will love brushing your hair out of your face.

He’ll twirl it around his finger

If you want it in like a bun or a braid, he’ll gladly do it (you might have to teach him how, at first)

I feel like Remus totally understands you about being shy and then coming out of your shell and radiating confidence

When he first came to Hogwarts he was extremely shy and insecure but gradually, with the help of you and the re at if the Marauders, he extremely confident

Sure, the two of you have those days where the shyness creeps back, but you’re always there for each other.

He’ll hold you close, he won’t pressure you to do anything

CUDDLING IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM

If the two of you are in the common room, you are for sure going to be sat in his lap, face buried in his neck

That’s just the natural position

Doing homework near the fire, sitting on the armchair just reading

He would love to hear you sing

If you sing in the shower, he’ll listen in, maybe hum along

If you just want to practice, Remus will take you to the room of requirement and just sit and applaud

He watches you intently, tongue poking from between his lips in concentration, infatuated with your voice

If you join frog choir, he’ll go to every performance and will always be the one clapping the loudest

Remus won’t know anything about skincare, but he’s willing to learn

Face mask in the gryffindor common room? Sure, make a spa day out of it!

Makeup? Sure! Give him some bomb eyeliner and bright red lipstick!

He’ll let his face be your canvas

The other boys might ask for make overs because “you always manage to make Moony beautiful” as they say

We all know that Remus is a nerd. A big one.

He loves reading and learning new things so when he finds out about your love for mythology, he’ll ask for book recommendations, or for you to read him myths and explain the gods

He loves to see you so passionate about something

Also new languages?? That’s so cool

He’ll want to learn with you, at least little phrases

“How do you say I love you in Polish?”

“Tell me how to say absolutely stunning in Italian?”

Will also want to know how to swear in other languages

He will definitely use that all the time

Don’t worry about hating math, he’s got you covered

Math Boy Moony knows the basics like taxes and expenses, and that really the only important stuff

Being talkative and optimistic is great

Like

Especially during full moons, Remus will shut down, but he needs a positive force with him to keep him going

He could listen to your beautiful voice talk for hours

Sing him to sleep!!

He thinks your smile lights up the room, and he tells everyone this

All the time

Calls you sunshine for this reason

He also calls you love

Remus also tends to overthink, so he knows what it’s like to just

Not function sometimes

He’ll lay down next to you on those days and pull you close to his chest

Whispering things in your ear

“It’s alright, love. It’s all ok.”

“I love you. I love you so much. No matter what.”

You two are great at comforting each other

Anger is definitely something Remus can’t control either, especially near full moons

And it hurts when you get into arguments

If you get angry when it’s not near the full moon, he’ll let you cool off, give you space if you need it, but he’ll always remind you that he’s here for you and that he loves you

Little gestures like smiling and waving across the room. Making sure you’re staying healthy

If this happens near the full moon though, it gets harder

Because he’ll feel so guilty after

You’re going to have to reassure him that it’s ok

He’ll also need James and Sirius to knock some sense into him

More cuddling and making up, of course

It always works out in the end, trust me

Remus feels the same about relationships

He’s insecure about being a werewolf, that he’ll hurt you, that you deserve to be with someone who isn’t a monster

But he’s always there when you get insecure

He’s not using you

When he says he loves you, he means it

And he’ll show you

He’ll spoil you with gifts, and dates, romantic gestures 24/7

He loves doing it, but hates that you get anxious

He’ll always listen to you intently. Always

Communication is key

Don’t be afraid to tell him if he’s doing something you don’t like, or not doing something right...he’ll change for you

Remus will wait for as long as you need him to

He’ll go slow

He’s in love with you

Remus practically worships the ground you walk and nothing will change that

Honestly, you’re cute together

Everyone thinks so

Everyone wants the relationship you have

Hope you like your ship! I’ve never done one before! Thank you again so much ❤️

Come join my celebration!

[cinaed]

Red vs Blue Season 3 Rewatch

Slowly making my way through my DVD collection of Red vs Blue!

"You can't die! I'm bored!" Donut is so ruthless in the earlier seasons and I love it. 

We really needed more Tex and Sheila girltime, talking about gender inequality and workplace harassment. 

Simmons actually calling himself Simmons 2.0 manages to be both hilarious and sad.

Yes, Sarge and Caboose team up! Season 3 has some of my favorite odd couples, and Sarge and Caboose is one of my favorites. Sarge being furious that Doc has a higher body count than he does, Caboose's dedication to nap time. 

I love Caboose's moral boost! He's great at compliments even if Sarge doesn't appreciate them. 

I know these zealots were like a mostly one-off joke, but also like...they could be a creepy potential experiment in making soldiers that can't die, which I wouldn't put past anyone in the Halo universe. 

I love the blame game of who came up with the plan that ended up with everyone scattered across the galaxy. Sarge: "My only choice is to blame Grif, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif." Grif: "I should have never listened to Donut's stupid fucking plan." 

Church and Grif in jail is one of my all-time favorite things. 

Simmons is such a tech savvy guy, reworking the teleporters to make them communication devices as well! He just wants some love and support.

Caboose getting angry. I mean, who wouldn't get angry at kittens with spikes that you couldn't cuddle?

"Simmons, you get an F in efficiency. But I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing."

I do love O'Malley and Doc's dynamic. The Do Not Call list!

I love Tex's half-truths about the Freelancers. 

Also love Sarge calling Caboose a little rascal and Simmons just seething with jealousy. And he's also jealous about Donut! 

Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif. Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!

I may or may not quote that to myself on a weekly basis. 

Again, just Church and Grif together in that prison cell is sheer perfection. As is Church going "Wait, the people outside sound like they're winning, that can't be our teams."

Tucker likes Sheila so much! And she packed them food! Well, the AI equivalent of food, but it's the thought that counts! Just the sheer affection in Tucker's voice as he promises her they'll be back gave me emotions. 

And another good moment of Simmons being the one to suggest they track down Grif, because no one else was going to. 

In retrospect, Grif has clearly watched some prison pornos. Like... Buddy.

Wyoming calling Tex Allison has so many interesting implications. 

Simmons re-engineers stuff, Sarge makes a weather control device. Where's the AU where Sarge is a mad scientist.

Simmons asking Grif if he's okay after prison. Just loving the slow build of friendship between them.

Also big parallels of Church's "Misery loves company" and his willingness to let the bomb blow them all up together to later seasons stuff.

I still love that everyone's go-to explanation for stuff is "time travel."

Donut is too thin-skinned about criticism for his play. He'd never survive on Broadway, lol. But I love everything about the time travel show.

How is Tucker the smartest person in this group? But also Tucker being so worried about Church. I am having a lot of Tucker feelings this season. 

I love Grif's devotion to cheesy disaster movies. 

Caboose: Look what I found. Donut: I found it! Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.

Poor Donut! A grenade to the head and now his hand got chopped up.

Grif: Hey, what're you doing? Simmons: What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep. Grif: What're we, on a date? Get in the back. Simmons: Oh you're so insecure.

I would've watched an entire season of Doc and O'Malley and Lopez's Lair Improvements. And when Doc mentions a real estate agent all I can think of is an AU where Doc meets Kai because she's running her business on the side while in the military. But also Doc's motivational powers in the living room, O'Malley's belief that the cat won't hang on until Friday, it's great.

The iconic jeep conversation is still good now as it was back then. Re-enacting Dukes of Hazzard! "I can tell you what we weren't doing." 

Grif's mind immediately going to gay stuff as a favor from Tex. Between this and his prison conversation with Church, someone is protesting way too much.

Sarge's plans are so amazingly terrible. I love them.

Grif getting choked up over hating Blue Team and Tucker and missing the days where they all just stood around and talked a lot.

Tex sounding genuinely concerned when Tucker falls into the hall. Luckily he gets a cool sword out of it!

Tex's conversation with Simmons about shooting Lopez's head is a great example of an eloquent helmet look. Tex doesn't even say a word and you can feel the disbelief and rage when Simmons implies she may have missed.

Church: Caboose, I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from two thousand years in the past. Whatever you do, don't, touch, anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about doom for their entire race. Caboose: Mmmmmmnooo... that doesn't sound like me. I like people. And buildings also.

Time for some actual time travel or at least a simulation. But I do love Butch Flowers, haha. Whose greatest enemy is apathy! Love watching Church just make his own life worse. Also love the bit about Sheila having been made in Mexico. 

"Man... First I kill myself, then I realise I'm a honkin' dork. Not a very good day to be me."

Church: I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem- Caboose: They could be worse. Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching.

Grif and Simmons and Sarge talking about the Blues, and Simmons saying he's not looking for friends and doesn't like his current crop AKA he just accidentally admitted Grif is his friend. Grif just didn't realize it.

Between the warthog and monkeying about discussions, Church and Grif really are on the same wavelength. 

I love the scheming versus plotting conversation.

Ugh, the arrival of Andy. I hate him so much.

Haha, Simmons lying about his math skills is great.

Uuuugh, Andy. :/ Freckles is SUCH a step up as Caboose's AI murder buddy.

"Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?"

I love Lopez's little rebellion-- he might be under O'Malley's control, but he's also going to sabotage O'Malley as much as possible. And tricking O'Malley into insulting himself in Spanish.

I really forgot that Tex straight up tried to steal Tucker's sword. 

Military law is very clear in regard to the "not it" methodology for making decisions. Sorry, Donut. 

I forgot that Donut can speak Spanish. In fairness, so did the show. 

Hello, Crunchbite! 

Next up, the PSAs! 

Some of these have aged poorly... Like, uh, jokes about 2004 politics do not land well in 2020. And uh jokes about colds and flus. ...Okay, the Christmas PSA where Church destroys the Reds' Christmas tree, tells Caboose the truth about Santa Claus, gives everyone knock-off coal, convinces Church that Santa is now wearing blue and working only for the Blues, and scams Tucker out of a $350 gift is pretty funny though.  

I enjoyed Burnie playing himself in the outtakes by putting words he can't pronounce in his own script. And Grif singing Happy Birthday to Church in prison. Also poor Geoff being told to adlib and immediately having Grif start to tell Church "You're looking buff, man, have you been working--" and being immediately booed by everyone, and someone says they'll use it for an outtake and Geoff is like "It's funny! And I didn't even get to finish!" And everyone trying to figure out Tucker's sword and him accidentally killing everyone in various outtakes. And in the deleted scenes Tex keeps making fun of O'Malley's plans to rule the universe, haha. Also the deleted scene that's just another Simmons' self-insert fanfiction, just as a video instead of a fake game in the Fan Guide.

It also gave us character profiles! I'm sure a lot of this has since been contradicted in canon, but interesting that we got specific hometowns for a few people: Donut in Leggatt Plains, Iowa, which doesn't seem to be a real place; Moscow, Iowa for Sarge, which actually does; Tucker's from Detroit, and Delta Commune for Doc. Oh, is this where we get Caboose grew up on the moon, with his hometown being labeled as Low G Colony, Moon? And hey, I always had him be a middle child, I like that this one did too. Tex likes money and scars and dislikes Donut. Okay I know that's definitely not real, but the idea of Allison growing up in an orphanage hurts me a little. Okay, and I know for sure that Simmons would die of happiness at the fact that Sarge's likes are battles, fringe science, and Simmons. Lopez likes oil and unions, and hates capitalism. My kind of guy. Last but not least, I actually really like Simmons as the son of a bunch of right-hand stooges (who probably wanted power for themselves).

[missartus]

Merry Christmas!

Figured that I should write a post at Christmas, given all the chaos that’s been 2020 lol. Well, for one, Covid’s still here and so it’s still been pretty hard for everyone. Personally, my Christmas obviously changed in a way that it’s more chill this time around. Not that I’m complaining ‘cause this is probably my most preferred way of celebrating the holidays, but I’d rather have a chill Christmas because I wanted it and not because the circumstances forced us to. I didn’t even bother to dress up nor put on some makeup because I was really lazy to do so, and to be honest, the Christmas spirit isn’t really as felt this time around. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this. 

Anyway, I didn’t really intend to make a depressing post LOL. It’s the other way around, actually. I’ve been meaning to write something for a few days now but I’ve been lazy. I actually wanted to say that given all the chaos, thankfully I had a couple of things that kept me sane. They’re mostly new hobbies and interests, and some may come off as a shock, even. So here are my life updates so far. A list of things that helped me survive 2020 😌

Baking

It started with a box of pancake mix. A few months back, I was supposed to make some pancakes for an afternoon snack, but then I was kinda tired with eating pancakes that I wondered if there is any other way I can turn that mix into. I eventually ended up with these hard chocolate turnovers lmao. After that, I was suddenly baking almost every week. So far, I’ve baked coffee buns, lemon bars, pandesal!, pound cakes, cookies (ofc), and cinnamon rolls. I’m targeting to go for naked cakes but I am yet to buy an electric mixer. For someone who hates measurements and all, it’s a shock for me to be into baking. But it’s been so therapeutic for me. The kneading of the dough, the whisking, mixing, the rise, the waiting on the oven — so zen. I guess, it’s cause it keeps my mind off of things, and whenever I bake, I’m just so focused on what I’m doing. So it’s like, I’m in my own bubble of productivity for a long while. Also, I’d say it kinda helps with my self-esteem, as baking has allowed me to prove to myself that I can do something delish. Whenever I look at the finished products, I couldn’t believe that I, me, Mich, me, did that! I think that happened when I made pandesals and when I really liked the cinammon rolls. I was like, “Omg, I can’t believe I did this!” Aside from my fam, I’ve sent a few of my pastries to friends as well, and some say that I should start a business already lol. But that’s so far from my mind right now. I mean, I’d want to, in the future. But not sometime soon. I still want to enjoy this season where I’m plainly learning and enjoying the process of baking. I don’t, and am not, prepared for the pressure and hassle of it all yet. 🤪

Workout

I’ve been working out for a few years now but I wasn’t as consistent as how I’ve been the past couple of months. I used to workout every freaking day, but lately it would just be about thrice or four times a week. My past blog posts would give you a hint about my relationship with my body and food. It hasn’t been really nice in general, but working out really does help me improve my mindset towards my body image. Admittedly, I began working out because I wanted to lose weight, but eventually (and thankfully), it transformed into me working out because it makes me strong and it benefits my mental health a lot. I do a variety, although most times I’d do cardio, then I’ll just pair it up with either weights or another round of cardio but dance.

The process has been fun, and I don’t really pressure myself or limit myself when it comes to food. I still eat whatever’s there, but right now it’s all portion control, really. In all fairness, I think because I’ve been working out, my appetite isn’t as huge as it used to be. I get fuller fast these days, and I rarely binge-eat, unless I re-stock on Korean grocery food hahahaha. Anyway speaking of Korean, here’s my last interest update...

BTS

Yup. As in that K-pop boyband. As in Bangtan Sonyeondan. As in that band who’s taking over the world. What a plot twist, right? I’ve never been into K-pop to begin with, so BTS (and eventually, K-pop in general) is probably my biggest musical plot twist so far. I initially was supposed to write a whole separate blog post about this (because that’s how OBSESSED I AM WITH BTS) but I figured that I’ll just include them in this “life update” entry. But for real, it began back in October, when I saw this screenshot of RM’s WeVerse comment/reply to a fan. I’m pasting it here for reference lol.

For some reason, I was really impressed after seeing this. I’ve known the band for a while already. I know how big they are and I even have friends who are huge fans. I’ve seen a couple of their online content in the past as well, but I think it was this image that made me really realize why they’ve been getting so much attention and why their fanbase just keeps on growing. This was the first time that I “got it”, if you know what I mean. Anyway, a bit after that my ARMY friends messaged me and I was immediately swooped into the world of BTS. I don’t regret any of it though haha! I have so much feelings about this topic (lololol) but I’ll try to hold back. Who knows, I might continue with that separate blog post anyway 💁‍♀️ My bias is Namjoon (my goodness, this man is such a dream), while my bias wrecker is Jimin. Although I think my bias wrecker changes everyday now lmao. 😂 I’ll say this though, it wasn’t their pretty faces that got me. If anything, I think that really comes as secondary, because what made me an Army was their talent, their story, and their character. These boys are really men of substance, and their songs and advocacy can attest to how principled they are. Their songs have also helped me so much as I am still in the process of improving myself, my mental health, and all these introspective things. I remember this one time where I bawled my eyes out when I was reading through the English translation of Answer: Love Myself. In a year when I almost lost myself again due to how depressing this year was, it feels good to root for something, or in this case, someone, and see them flourish in success. They really started at the bottom, and I guess in a way their story also inspires me to keep on doing what I’m doing, knowing that someday, everything will make sense and I’ll finally make it. 

BTS also led me to listen to other K-pop acts as well such as Day6 (another fave!), Monsta X, Shinee, IU, Henry, and BlackPink (very recently hahaha) Ok, I’ll stop right there. 😬 Funny how I just cannot get the K-pop hype for so many years, and now I’m genuinely enjoying it. It’s become my go-to work soundtrip also as I don’t get carried away by singing along to the lyrics as, ofc, it’s in a different language lol.

Plants

I remember last year when my colleagues at work gave me this plant and they assured me that it won’t die but it did. It kinda made me think that I don’t have a green thumb and that I can never maintain a plant. But guess what, I have about 7 plants now and THEY’RE ALL THRIVING SO WELL. I’m so invested in these plant babies and I’m so proud of myself that they’re all so alive and doing well. There were some scares, I admit. Like this one time when I attempted to re-pot my Syngonium Arrowhead and it almost died lol but I re-did it and thankfully it resurrected hahahahaha. Again, just like what I said about BTS and my baking, my plants are also testament to how it feels nice to root for (no pun intended) something and see them thrive, and how it feels so satisfying and reassuring to see something that I’ve been taking care of live healthy and happy. 

So yeah, there’s that. 

Those are what my life has been circling around these days. As I’ve said, I’m very grateful that I got into these things, little as they may seem as compared to others. But hey, they make me happy, and I think at this point in time, as long as something makes you happy and sane, that’s all that matters. You do you, girl. Wow, I can’t believe that I wrote this long. It’s been a while since I did! Anyway, I’m gonna end this here now as it’s getting late and I still have stuff to do. 

Merry Christmas!

[unrighteousbooks]

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

This is the third part of a long story. What follows was told to me by a customer, and the issues he discusses -- art and character -- are things that I, too, have been thinking about. I have been thinking about them enough that I went on what could be described as a pilgrimage, and I will discuss that in the fourth part of this story.

This, however, is his story. After he told me, I asked him to put it in writing. It is about someone named Bill and someone named Ted, and although I once met two men by those names (see the previous post) I am unfamiliar with the individuals he discusses here.

* * * * *

I grew up in the age of 8-track tapes. Remember 8-tracks? I saw one in your shop once, you know. One 8-track tape, just sitting on a shelf. Not important, I guess, but yeah. The great thing about 8-tracks was that you could play them in your car. I started buying 8-tracks long before I even had a car, just because I was looking forward to the day, when I'd be sitting there in my own car, looking cool, popping in a 8-track and cruising around town, and probably I'd have a really cool car, like a Plymouth Barracuda, or an AMC Javelin.

Anyway, 8-tracks: I had a whole cabinet full of them. Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Kansas, REO Speedwagon, Nazareth. But you know who I really loved? Ted Nugent. He was a fantastic guitarist. He was precise and lightning fast, and his songs had fun, catchy rhythms. Lots of the lyrics were crass and sorta vulgar, but you didn't care, because you knew it was all just a little silly. I mean, how can you get all worked up about a song called Cat Scratch Fever? You didn't expect anything thoughtful or eloquent from Ted Nugent. You just expected lots of energy and good guitar. That was Ted. You didn't take him seriously, because hey, he was just being Ted.

Meanwhile, there was also Bill.

Bill was Bill Cosby. He was a brilliant comedian, and the ironic thing is that great comedians are serious. Underneath all the jokes, there's something genuine. Good comics point out the strange things that we do without thinking, and they remind us that we're all kind of nuts. I had an 8-track tape of Cosby, too. Can't remember the name of it now, but he talked about the Revolutionary War, talked about Superman, talked about Noah getting instructions to build the ark... all kinds of stuff. Cosby was hilarious. He had these wonderful stories about his brother, and his parents, and then later on he had brilliant routines about being a father. A while after that, in the Eighties, he had a TV show. It was warm and funny and thoughtful. In the Eighties, TV didn't get much better than that show.

Now, I've never been particularly interested in celebrities, beyond the thing that made them celebrities. By that I mean, if someone was a good musician, I was interested in their music, but nothing else. I couldn't care less about what kind of exotic sports car they drove, or their supermodel spouse, or whatever. If I had paid a little more attention, maybe I wouldn't have been so disappointed later on. All I knew about Ted Nugent was his music. I started to lose interest because he started to get repetitive, and when the guitar didn't hold your interest, you noticed the lyrics more. And once you've heard the words to "Wango Tango," you can't unhear them. You're gonna wonder if the guy singing them has regressed to a mental age of 12 or 13. Even so, the crappy music he did later didn't erase the good music that he did earlier, right?

Here's the weird thing, though: Somewhere along the way, people started listening to what Nugent said, even when he wasn't talking about music. He was babbling nonsense about how war was coming to America, and how he'd would wind up dead or in jail if Obama got re-elected... weird, batshit-crazy gibberish. But apparently a lot of people thought he made sense, and conservatives started trotting him out for rallies and conferences. It was weird as hell.

And meanwhile, there's Cosby: Cosby, who seemed like the polar opposite of Nugent, until we found out that he'd been drugging and molesting women for decades. We'd been looking at his work as a comedian, and we thought we knew him. We felt betrayed when we found out that the actor had only been acting.

Bogus, right? Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. The short trip from being respected to being reviled. But that brings us to an important question: Can we separate their work from everything else? And is that even something that we should do?

Maybe we have to realize that art and artists are separate and distinct, and they have to be judged differently. A work of art -- whether it's a song, or a painting, or a monologue about giving your kids cake for breakfast -- that work can stand alone. You hear two songs by the same artist, and you love one and hate the other. That's OK. The existence of the lousy song doesn't change anything about the great one. Every work of art succeeds or fails on its own merits, and in that sense, art is simple.

Artists, on the other hand, are complicated. People are complicated. We have to judge artists the same way we judge everyone else. We'll find that they have virtues and faults, just like the rest of us. But once we've seen someone's dark side, it's not easy to ignore. I still have an old CD of Nugent's first album, but I can't listen to it anymore, because it just makes me sad to think about what he's become. The same with Cosby. I remember laughing so hard at some of his old routines, but if I listened to them now, knowing what I know, it wouldn't be the same.

What makes this even harder is that there's this little voice in the back of my head, asking: Is this fair to them? To Bill and Ted, I mean. See, when you admire someone, you don't want to know about their flaws. And when dislike someone, you don't want to know about their virtues. Once you decide you're ready to write someone off, the last thing you want to do is to admit that there might still be some good somewhere inside them.

That little voice keeps reminding me: You're not perfect either. I'd love to be able to say that I'd never done a bad thing in all my life, but I can't. If I'm going to be judged, I want to be judged on everything. Take the bad into consideration, because yeah, sometimes I've fucked up. But I think I've done a few good things, too, and if your verdict is going to be fair, you need to consider as much evidence as you can.

I don't mean that everybody gets a free pass, so long as they did something good at some point in their life. But I do think that if you want to know where someone stands, you need to be able to trace all their steps. The good, the bad, the ugly, and all the stuff in between... it's all part of the same journey.

* * * * *

After he told me this, I realized that there were certain ideas that I had been struggling with for a very long time. I began thinking about a particular story, and a particular person.

One reason that I love bookstores is that they are the perfect place to ponder ideas. Being surrounded by books inspires us to think beyond the here and now. In this instance, however, I realized that there would be a better place to think about the things I needed to consider. In this case, I needed only one book.

I grabbed the book, closed the shop, and headed out the door. I needed to visit a place called Graceland.

[lightsandlostbells]

so, overall, what did you think of season 3 of stranger things?

It took me a while to answer this question because I had to sort out how I felt about this season! I guess if I had to narrow it down to an overall opinion: enjoyable, but very messy. Had some of the series’ best moments but also, while I was watching, I had far more grumbles and gripes than the previous two seasons.

I’ve never really been hung up on whether this show is derivative or plays too into nostalgia or w/e. Plenty of media does that. And despite all the time I’ve spent dissecting micro-expressions and weighty silences in European teen dramas that are filmed for the cost of a candy bar … I am way into genre films and TV shows. I love monsters and superheroes and spectacle! I watched Stranger Things the weekend it premiered because I love ‘80s movies about kids on bikes having adventures, I eat that shit up. So I don’t expect this show to be a hardcore deconstruction and re-imagining of those tropes (though that sounds like a pretty great show), I’m fine with it being what it is: a solid, spooky sci-fi/horror throwback series. What matters most is whether the story and characters work. Personally, I would say whatever criticisms you can make of S1 and S2, they had heart, and unfortunately I think some of that heart was missing from S3. Much of that, IMO, comes from sidelining some of the familial relationships that were at the center of the narrative in S1 and S2, like the Byers family and Hopper & Eleven, and to some degree the important friendships like the party, although there were other friendships introduced in this season so that wasn’t as glaring. It’s not a surprise that one of the best-received parts about this season, Steve and Robin’s friendship, is also responsible for one of the most heartfelt scenes Stranger Things has ever done. 

There was also a way larger emphasis on comedy in S3. Comedy is probably my favorite genre, and I did laugh at a lot of humorous moments in this season. But I also felt like there was more comedy for comedy’s sake, like long sequences created intentionally to make the audience laugh. Whereas in S1 and S2, I can’t remember any scenes like that? The comedy was more understated and came from character personalities and relationship moments rather than joke set pieces. That’s perhaps another reason why S3 felt like it had less heart.

My hope for season 4 - and I am assuming there is a season 4, because apparently this show did mega ratings for S3 - is that they don’t add more major new characters (except love interests for the gay characters, go ahead with those, lol) and instead focus on the existing cast,  which is already a very strong ensemble, yet many of the characters have gotten pushed to the sides. I would love if they added to the episode count: a lot of Netflix series drag out their seasons, like they have enough story for 10 episodes but have to stretch it out to 13, but Stranger Things has the opposite problem. I feel like if they had 10 (or 11, ha) episodes they could have more time for breather moments and more space for character arcs. This season was really fast-paced in my opinion, and although that’s a positive in many respects, I missed a lot of the down time.

Also, I think every season has taken place over like a week maximum, not including the epilogues, and like … you can make the story last longer than a week! Not everything has to go to hell in like a day or two.

Some more specific opinions underneath, obviously lots of spoilers.

First of all, I gotta say, I feel like a weirdo, because so many of the reviews for this season are like A RETURN TO FORM AFTER A DISAPPOINTING SECOND SEASON and UP THERE WITH SEASON 1 NOT THAT CRAPPY SEASON 2 THAT NO ONE LIKED and uhhhh … I liked season 2 just fine? It’s probably my favorite. There are things I don’t like about it, but the stuff I love is stuff I really, really love. Hopper and Eleven’s relationship, for instance. Steve and Dustin teaming up and Steve Harrington becoming a guardian to four children. Those are not just great elements to the series, but directions that I think only a second season could have taken - Hopper and Eleven’s bond wouldn’t have had half the weight if they weren’t established as traumatized, broken people in S1. Steve Harrington becoming a babysitter would not be nearly so delightful if we had not known him as the popular douchebag stereotype from S1 - if he were just a cool dude hanging out with kids from the get-go, the impact wouldn’t be as great. After S1 used Will Byers as a MacGuffin in S1, S2 gave Will a much larger role and that little actor acted his ass off. His performance generated a lot of genuine suspense and chills. There was Sean Astin being lovable! Paul Reiser’s character being a surprisingly good guy! Yeah, there are big flaws in the season, and you can argue it’s too much of a repeat of S1, but to me it was a version of S1 that made the characters more specific and interesting. I’m just … genuinely baffled by how it’s supposed to be demonstrably worse than the others. Because of the Kali episode? I didn’t think that one was terrible, either. I think it broke up the momentum of the chaos at Hawkins Lab, and Kali’s friends were obnoxious, it’s certainly not the greatest writing of the series, but as a whole the episode is like. Fine. It’s fine. It’s mediocre, not atrocious. It’s not the worst thing ever. It doesn’t ruin anything about the story or direction or the series. Most importantly it’s easy to ignore or skip on a rewatch if you don’t like it. The backlash was way overblown.

My biggest disappointment with season 3 was Hopper. Whaaaaaaat. Whaaaat did they dooooo. 

Hopper in previous seasons is a flawed, messed-up human being, but I always knew where he was coming from. When he yelled at Eleven in S2, I still got why he did it. In this season he felt cartoonish. The overprotective paternalistic dad trope is annoying BUT I might have been less bothered had they connected it more to Eleven’s lack of experience with the world, less RAWRRRR KEEP BOYS AWAY FROM MY GIRL. Or if Hopper had not demonstrated like, actual rage toward Mike and we just saw him fuming about it to himself or venting to Joyce, if he was trying to keep that shit under control. (I did laugh at him singing “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim” in the car, I gotta admit.)

But his attitude toward Joyce was what really bummed me out. I’m not into this show for shipping reasons, but I low-key enjoyed the possibility of Joyce and Hopper hooking up based on previous seasons. This season felt like they were writing a completely different dynamic for them, one that was much more aggressively obnoxious. I think their intentions were clear - they were going for a Sam-and-Diane relationship, something that was referenced early on in the Bob flashback - but the problem is that their relationship was not like that at all in S1 and S2. When I think of Joyce and Hopper from those seasons, I think about him supporting her after Bob died, or listening to her concerns about her son, or working together to find Will. They didn’t have this combative dynamic! Frankly watching giant-ass Hopper yell at tiny Joyce was viscerally unpleasant. (Side note but in the first trailer there was a shot of Hopper running at the Fun Fair with someone else who I assumed was Eleven, but no, turned out to be Joyce, Winona Ryder is just that tiny next to David Harbour.)

Also, considering this season ended with his death (and we all know he’s not really dead but OK) it’s such a waste that there were few Hopper&Eleven moments! Only the finale brought some quality content on that front. But otherwise their relationship was out of sight, out of mind for almost the whole season, which wasn’t a great choice, both to maximize the emotional impact of the ending, and to expand upon their situation post-S2. I mean, it’s been months since then, how has their relationship changed now? Hopper’s letter talked about the stuff he enjoyed doing with his daughter - why didn’t we see any of that on screen this season? It could’ve helped with the Mike angle, too, like show Hopper and Eleven watching TV together and laughing and having a good time, and then the phone rings and it’s Mike and suddenly Hopper’s watching TV alone as Eleven’s now focused on her boyfriend, we see his disappointment, etc. 

Scoops Troop - Now they were a delight. They had such a ludicrous story but for the most part it worked due to the characters playing off each other and because the writing/acting/directing embraced the silliness. 

Steve Harrington is easily one of the best characters on this show. I fucking love that guy. He’s consistently entertaining, he’s had possibly the best character growth out of anyone in the series, he’s evolved from a stock ‘80s asshole stereotype into someone who’s funny and sympathetic and likable. He’s this amazing blend of the ridiculous with the heroic. Steve and Dustin were great together, as they were last season, and I’m cackling that Steve acquired YET ANOTHER CHILD under his supervision without even trying. But the MVP of the season was the Steve & Robin friendship. Holy shit do I love that relationship. Holy SHIT.

Robin herself is a terrific new character, smart and funny and once you know she’s half-Uma, you can’t unsee it. I was loving her already and then the bathroom scene happened and I YELLED. I was so utterly overjoyed. If they had made Steve and Robin hook up, honestly … I would’ve been fine with it, like this show doesn’t need more heterosexual romance but at least they had a fun dynamic, but man, the friendship angle was so so superior. It’s a type of relationship that media is lacking, and the specific circumstances of this friendship made it genuinely moving to me. I keep wanting to write like a meta post devoted to just this relationship because I just have so many emotions about it! But they play well off each other as a comedic duo and as an odd couple friendship, and they’re really what each other needs, IMO. Steve needed this close friendship more than he needed a girlfriend; in this season he’s clearly adrift and we’ve seen the kind of shitty friends he had in like season one, is Dustin the best pal he had at this point? And I love Steve & Dustin but Steve needed a good friend his own age. Robin is a lesbian in small-town Indiana in the ‘80s, and she was clearly full of fear that Steve would hate her if he knew, and for him to accept her so easily, not even making a big deal about it? That’s kind of life-saving, really. I can’t wait to see more of them, if Netflix wants to make the half-hour Clerks-esque spinoff about them working in a video store and shooting the shit, I would be 100% down for that.

I have some mixed feelings about Erica because I think she could have benefited from getting the same humanization as the other kids (and I’m going to leave the discussion of racial tropes gently by the side at the moment but … yeah). The other child characters are played more like actual people with vulnerabilities, which has been part of the show’s appeal since the first season, and Erica was more like the sitcom kid who always has a snarky quip ready; however, she did make me laugh and I like that they tapped into her being a nerd, I wish they’d explore that in future seasons with the character. “I’m ten, you bald bastard” was one of my favorite lines of the season, I lost my goddamn mind. 

Billy - Lmao, so Billy in S2 was the woooorst. This dude had ZERO redeeming qualities. His abusive dad creates a smidgen of sympathy, I guess, but Billy goes so far beyond normal teenage assholery that it didn’t make a dent in my opinion of him. You can redeem someone like Steve Harrington, first of all because Steve actually feels regret and works to correct his mistakes, but Steve also didn’t go to a point of no return in the first place. Billy did, for me. Physically and verbally abusing his younger sister? Attacking a black middle-schooler for the crime of being in the same room as his white sister? What a piece of shit.

With that in mind - I have no problem focusing on him as a villain this season, I really don’t. It justifies his inclusion in S2 other than as a human antagonist who’s ultimately not really connected to the main plot, as it retrospectively establishes him as an even greater threat in this season. I also think the actor did a good job with the material he was given. However, ultimately this dude’s arc was underwhelming. The thing is … I can tell they were trying to show Billy struggling with the Mind Flayer, but Billy is so lacking in any positive qualities that it’s kind of like, where does that struggle even come from? Yeah, even the worst people aren’t going to be wild about having a monster from another dimension hijack your body and use it to collect people for spare parts, but this is the same dude who was about to run over Mike, Lucas, and Dustin on their bikes last season for absolutely no reason. He beat Steve to point of unconsciousness and could’ve put him in the hospital. He assaulted Lucas. So I really need some evidence of Billy’s moral compass because it is not inherent and there’s in fact plenty of evidence that it doesn’t exist. I’m not very enthusiastic about redeeming a racist, abusive creep, but I also think if you’re going to go for him helping Eleven at the end … you have to show some current potential for goodness, not just “used to be a nice kid.”

A really glaring omission: the lack of any family/home scenes with him, Max, and their parents this season. We left off last season with Max telling him to leave her and her friends alone. How is their relationship since then? Is there still a lot of friction? Is there a tense peace? Has their relationship improved in any way? We really needed to see that follow-up. I get that Max crying over Billy this season makes sense in that he’s still her family and we can still have love for those who hurt us … but I also feel that we needed something between them to justify her pain, like even just the potential of their relationship being a fraction better, or the suggestion that Billy used to be OK to Max before he went full asshole. And I think we really needed to see Billy’s dad being currently abusive in this season - tbh, missed opportunity that the dad didn’t get flayed like, out of revenge (which would have been both satisfying and horrifying), missed opportunities for suspense when we think Billy might serve up Max and her mom to the Mind Flayer, etc.

Another missed opportunity: drawing parallels between Billy and Will. Both are possessed by the Mind Flayer. Both had shitty dads calling them homophobic slurs. Both could be read as gay (I’m not hungry to claim Billy as LGBT representation or invested in this interpretation but his scenes with Steve in S2 admittedly have that sweaty homoerotic dick-measuring vibe, if you want to take it there). Their names are both William, FFS. The difference is that Will is a sweet and gentle kid surrounded by loving family and friends who fought to save him, and Billy is a violent, cruel dude who probably doesn’t have any real friends, just shallow connections. You could show how the Mind Flayer could more easily possess and manipulate someone like Billy, but that wasn’t really explored.

Also, is anyone going to dwell on the fact that like … Max is living with an abusive man as her stepfather? He’s shown hurting Billy’s mom. Does that not concern anyone that he is very likely to attack either Max or her mom? 

Oh, and thank God they didn’t take the Billy/Karen thing all the way. In retrospect, even weirder considering Billy’s mommy issues. 

Joyce - I get that it’s a big leap downward in emotional investment to go from “must save my son” to “fucking magnets, how do they work” but I liked that she had her own investigation that wasn’t full of emotional turmoil. Winona forever. 

Mike - Everyone is ragging on him but I think he was less terrible than people are making him out to be. He was bratty in a teenage way, but he wasn’t the worst kid ever. I didn’t take his now notorious line to Will (“It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”) as something intentionally cruel or homophobic, just something that came out wrong and that he instantly regretted, and he and Lucas did seem genuinely apologetic over the D&D game and went over to Will’s in the rain out of concern. And the reason he lied to Eleven was because SCARY ASS HOPPER threatened him??? Also, his concern over Eleven overexerting herself was not misplaced, lmao! It really took that long for anyone to go, “Hey, should we be worried about the amount of blood coming out of her nose? Should we be concerned about the effects on her brain?” Sure, Eleven has the final say in whether or not she uses her powers, but tbh… she didn’t have a normal upbringing and her view of her powers is probably skewed. Like, would Eleven have enough basic medical knowledge to be worried about brain damage or nosebleeds, or would that just be the norm to her? Is she making these decisions with a full grasp of the potential consequences? Anyway, I don’t have a more negative opinion of Mike after this season. 

Eleven - I loved Eleven a lot in this season. I don’t know if it did a ton for her character arc, but it’s nice to see her slowly develop into more of a normal girl. And the season was rough for her in terms of getting her ass kicked, she goes through so much mental and physical pain! In the end she loses her dad and her powers!

Of course one of the bright spots was her and Max becoming friends! Not gonna lie, there was something a little … simplistic about some of that depiction of friendship for me - just that so much of it was SHOPPING and GIGGLING and BOY TALK, girls being GIRLS, when Max has been portrayed as a tomboy and Eleven is a telekinetic kid raised in a lab, that maybe their interactions shouldn’t have fit the mold quite so much - but it doesn’t truly bother me because they were so sweet and fun. I loved them tracking down Billy together and I appreciate that their friendship carried throughout the season, that Max was the person shown carrying an injured Eleven along with Mike, Eleven comforted Max after Billy died, etc. That was a definite sore spot of S2, the girl-on-girl jealousy and Eleven flat-out rejecting Max’s friendly introduction, and I do think they took that feedback into account for the better here. I also like that Eleven was clearly taking cues from Max, the more “worldly” of the two about boys and clothes and teenage attitudes in general - it gave their friendship a more specific shape.

I cannot WAIT to see her living with the Byers family next season. Like if they don’t spend significant time on that dynamic, it will be the biggest disappointment. There could be 8 episodes of just boring mundane Byers domestic scenes and I would love it, please inject it into my eyeballs, Duffer bros. I want to see her bonding with all of them, trying to fit in at school, attempting the most normal life she’s ever had. Also lmao, she and Will can finally have a goddamn conversation??? I hope they’ve been withholding that relationship because they were planning to go all out with those new sibling vibes in S4. They are the two characters who have been most traumatized by the Upside Down, we deserve to see them connect.

On that note, I have a lot of thoughts about Will in this season! Mainly - underused as FUCK. After all that trauma of being possessed by the Mind Flayer last season, they barely utilize this connection in the second half of S3. Even his Spidey sense hardly came in handy??? Now that was really weird, IMO, because the least they could do was have that feeling alert the others or be useful, but lmao it was practically pointless. 

It’s weird because I’m not sure if they just don’t know what to do with Will if he’s not being a victim (which is stupid because there’s plenty you could do with him), but at the same time, he has one of the most poignant subplots of the season. From the reactions I’ve seen, Will feeling rejected and left out as his friends move on really resonated with a lot of viewers. But then this thread is abandoned after episode 3, for the most part. Will cries and destroys the place that represents his childhood, a place that was created specifically in response to trauma (mentioned in S2 that he and Jonathan built it after their dad left), this is very rich emotional territory … and then the show’s just like ehhhhhh moving on. He’s just hanging out in the background and touching his neck for the rest of the season. 

And now I gotta talk about that other thing with Will.

I am so confused by what the Duffer brothers are trying to accomplish with Will’s sexuality, because on the one hand it seems like they have a really clear idea about it and on the other hand they’re just like¯\_(ツ)_/¯  The thing is … it seems very obvious they have always thought of Will as gay. This is blatant from the original pitch from the show as well as one of the S2 scripts (the only one that’s available publicly, so who knows what else they’ve written). I accept that people have different interpretations, but The Line this season is far from the only textual support for Will being gay, and I think it makes for a much, much stronger narrative if you read Will as gay in addition to not wanting to grow up as fast as his friends and being stunted from trauma - that is an entire meta post in itself, though. 

What gets me about the ~ambiguity is that the Duffer brothers planted the gay hints in the first place! They are absolutely not there by accident! Like I’m not speaking for the teenage actors but lmao, the adults involved in the writing and directing of this series absolutely fucking knew how that “not my fault you don’t like girls” scene would be interpreted, especially considering fans were debating Will’s sexuality from the beginning, based off the many homophobic comments leveled at him in S1. There have been TV shows where fans latched onto gay “subtext” that was likely unintentional, but this isn’t one of them. 

IDK, man, it’d just be nice to have some confidence in where this is going. I loved Robin and the bathroom scene made me think that yeah, they might do a decent job with Will’s sexuality, something I might have doubted before. Under no circumstances do I expect a Skam S3-style coming out arc for Will, but I’m also uncertain if I should expect anything from the show on this front at all or if they’ll play it coy to the bitter end. Though I guess I’d still take the ambiguity over giving him a female love interest after everything. Lol, that would be a giant oh-fuck-no.

Real talk, though, let’s discuss what an utter waste it would be to not write a scene where Joyce tenderly accepts her son when he comes out to her. You really aren’t going to bring that instantly iconic moment to life, assholes? You’re not going to provide that for Winona Ryder’s and Noah Schnapp’s Emmy reels? MAKE IT HAPPEN, BASTARDS.

Nancy and Jonathan have a reputation for the most boring plots but they’re fine, w/e. I’m not deeply invested in their romance but I don’t want to fast forward their scenes or anything. Nancy is an underrated character; she’s extremely proactive and always has been, and I enjoy watching her shoot things. I think the best thing they could do for both characters, though, is to separate them next season, not just physically but storyline-wise. Jonathan would be best in a subplot involving his family, because he’s at his most likable as a son and brother, and Nancy should either go off with Mike (a sibling relationship that is VASTLY undeveloped), or she should team up with Robin. I mean it, Nancy and Robin would be a power pairing, let me show you my manifesto. Both are smart young women who are good at solving mysteries. Would Robin think Nancy is a priss after Nancy unloads several rounds into the latest demogorgon chasing them? Would Nancy find Robin a refreshing alternative to the crushing suburban conformity that she claims to want to avoid? Oh, the possibilities. Meanwhile, Steve tags along in the background, all like OH SHIT, my lesbian BFF and my ex-girlfriend are in cahoots! 

Lucas and Max were playing relationship counselors to Mike and Eleven through much of the season. Max still had a fair amount to do, but Lucas needs a meatier subplot next time. I feel like they’re not sure what to do with him? I would like to see him and Erica interact more since their dynamic so far is one-note. 

There is one hell of a conversation to be had about the Evil Russians of this season, but I’m really not the person to do it. 

Also about the depiction of capitalism this season. That’s more thinkpiece-y than I am equipped to do right now. 

The product placement is something that should bother me more but I’m just like … shrug. Except that New Coke bit because that was an actual mood-breaker. 

Could have done without Russian Terminator guy. That was a blatant ‘80s homage so I get why he was there, he just wasn’t all that interesting. And was that guy supposed to be superpowered or something? Was he getting jacked on Upside Down steroids???  What was his deal???

Alexei/Murray was the true OTP of the season, let’s be real.

The trend of lovable, doomed minor characters continued with Alexei. Props to that actor for making you root for the guy. He even made me kind of love Murray? I was very WTF over that guy encouraging two teenagers to fuck in S2, and I’m still not into his habit of telling people to bang even when they’re adults, but I guess he just needed a sympathetic Russian buddy to win me over. 

There were a ton of moments where I felt like the characters made stupid choices as opposed to earlier seasons. Will getting dragged into the Upside Down in the first 10 minutes of the series is an impressive example of a horror movie character doing everything right and making good decisions - a 12-year-old, no less. And he was still overpowered by the demogorgon so it’s not like making good decisions will always save you! Whereas this season I was like LORD some of these characters are drinking dumbass juice. 

There was also so much silly stuff happening, like things that are even more far-fetched than previous seasons, but I just kind of went with it. Yeah, of course there’s a secret Russian base under a shopping mall. Sure.

This season is objectively disgusting in terms of gore and yet I was fine with it? And I’m someone who was repulsed by Barb’s corpse in S1. The Mind Flayer being made of people was some nasty shit but effective horror. I felt bad for the poor little rats :( Oh, and the flayed humans, too. Some of them. Was sad to see Mrs. Driscoll bite it but FUCK those cartoon misogynists from the newspaper. 

Visually beautiful! Starcourt Mall is an amazing set and I’m rather sad that the mall was destroyed, although that was basically a foregone conclusion. Some great cinematography, too. On a purely aesthetic level I had a great time just blasting this season into my retinas.

I have had the motherfucking NeverEnding Story theme song in my head for almost two weeks and I’m suffering.

[kirbychan234]

Mountain Sound - Chapter 2

Written for @k2-week

Day 2 - Music

Read it on AO3

It had become almost routine for Kite to brace himself for a rescue whenever he saw Kenny somewhere high up. He must have the worst luck in the world, because most of the time, Kenny would either trip off or be pushed off. It was nothing short of a miracle he hadn’t been seriously injured or killed yet, and Kite wondered just what the hell Kenny had done before a superhero started saving him.

Kite frowned as he watched Kenny for a moment. The universe just seemed to have it out for the poor guy, and Kite found that completely unfair. He’d never say it to his face, but Kite found him endearing, almost charming, and he legitimately enjoyed being around him (for the most part). What had Kenny, of all people, done to piss off the universe that badly?

He wanted to ask, but that was probably way more personal than Human Kite should let himself be.

And then he heard it. A soft humming at first, but soon Kenny’s voice rang out in a soft melody.

“…heard them calling in the distance So I packed my things and ran Far away from all the troubles I had caused with my two hands…”

If it hadn’t been so quiet tonight, Kite doubted he would have heard Kenny at all. As it stood, however, Kite found himself entranced. Kenny’s voice was absolutely heavenly. Looking at him now, he could easily mistake him for an angel.

“Along we traveled on With nothing but a shadow We fled Far away…”

Before Kite even realized it, he had sat himself on a ledge above Kenny, listening intently. More likely than not, Kenny didn’t realize someone was watching, so this was him without an audience. Not holding himself back.

Human Kite found himself absolutely smitten, and right now? He didn’t even care.

“Some has scars and some had scratches It made me wonder about their past And as I looked around, I began to notice That we were nothing like the re-”

Kenny had turned as he sang, and stopped short when his eyes fell on Human Kite. Unabashedly, Kite didn’t look away even though he was caught, and he felt a surge of pride when it was Kenny who looked sheepish.

He’d never seen him look that way before. Kite liked it a lot. “How…long’ve you been sitting there?”

“Long enough,” Kite answered with a grin, floating down to the ground. “You didn’t tell me you could sing, dude.”

Kenny blushed. “You didn’t ask?”

True enough, but still. “You’re really good.”

“Thanks.” He was embarrassed, and Kite found it pretty adorable, actually.

“You ever think about doing it professionally?”

“Pft, what? No way, man.” Kenny waved his hand nonchalant. “Anyway, you know how creepy it is to watch someone without them knowing? Makes you seem like a stalker.”

“You’re the one who’s got me paranoid you’re gonna fall off anything higher than ten feet,” Kite shot back effortlessly, and almost laughed when Kenny looked even more sheepish.

“Okay fair.”

Good, he’d won that one. Kite was nothing if not competitive when it came to debates, something the people he went to school with knew all too well. “And I’m serious. Kenny, you’d be great as a singer.” The brief vision of Stan playing guitar and Kenny singing along made Kite way more happy than probably necessary.

He could dream, right?

“You’re giving me way too much credit.” Kenny laughed and gently nudged Kite. “But thanks. That means a lot coming from you.”

Huh. That sounded a little deeper than Kenny was probably meaning to. Kite watched him carefully. “What’s that mean?”

The stupid grin on his face made Kite frown. Maybe he spoke too soon. “Well I figure you can barely hear shit with your ears covered all the time.” Kenny snickered and pointed to Kite’s hood.

“Oh like you’re one to fucking talk.” Kite huffed and tugged a little at Kenny’s own fluffy hood. “You’ve got so many layers on, it’s a wonder you can even move. Is that how you’ve lived all this time? Tons of padding?”

“Maybe. I can fix that, though.” Kenny actually slipped his hood down, and Kite wasn’t sure if it was just to mock him or just add to the mood.

He wasn’t even really thinking much about that, because he hadn’t seen Kenny without his hood before. His face looked so much more open without it. Kite felt his heart skip.

“So did it work?” Kenny’s voice made him snap back to reality. “I can’t ever show my face to people, you know. They fall for me instantly if they do. It’s a curse, I’m afraid.” He didn’t sound sorry at all, and without the hood, his smug grin was all the more dashing irritating. “But if it was you who-”

“Oh my god shut up.” Kite rolled his eyes, ignoring how absolutely right Kenny was. Fucking teasing bastard. “And to answer your earlier question, my ears are stupidly huge, that’s why I could hear you. Asshole.”

Kenny tilted his head curiously. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Against his better judgement, Kite pulled a bit of his hood back to show one of his ears. Much like his tail, it was so otherworldly. It was pointed, but curved upwards like a wing. “They’re supposed to help me fly, or whatever.”

Kenny was staring at him in awe, and it made Kite shift uncomfortably. “So why do you keep ‘em covered then?”

Kite let the hood fall back into place and he tucked away some hairs that had escaped. “Cause I don’t like them.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Hate ‘em.”

“Dude.” Kenny walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, jolting Kite out of his thoughts once more. He’d gotten much more bold recently with the whole…touching thing. At least he wasn’t afraid or anything. “They’re really cool. Sometimes I – I forget you’re an alien or whatever, but that shit’s so neat. You shouldn’t hide stuff like that.”

Kite shrugged. He’d hide his tail if he could as well, but it was practically essential for flight. “It’s not a big deal.”

“How about this?” Kenny took his wrists this time. He had Kite’s full attention now. “I’ll sing for you. You’re the only one I’d ever want to sing for anyway.” A deep blush formed on Kite’s cheeks, and Kenny kept going. “In return, you don’t hide yourself?”

He sounded so genuine, so desperate even, that Kite was at a loss for words. As hard as he tried to force them out, they kept catching in his throat. It felt far too long before they lodged free. “Wh…what the hell are you saying? I don’t want them out for everyone to see, Kenny.”

“Fine, then just around me?” Kenny smiled warmly, that same damn charming fucking smile Kite found himself enamored with. “I’ll sing for you and you don’t hide yourself around me. Deal?”

“I’m a fucking superhero, Kenny. You said you wouldn’t ask about that.”

“I know. I’m not asking you to show your face, I promise. I just…” Kenny looked down at his feet. “You looked so uncomfortable, but you’re so cool, you know? You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

Was he that obvious? Kite was tempted to take his hands away, but they stayed put against his will. “I’m not-”

But he stopped when he saw the look on Kenny’s face; the look that clearly said “I don’t believe you”. Kite’s face scrunched up, and Kenny continued. “You know I care about you, right? Not just because you’re an awesome superhero, dude. I care about whoever else you are too. So believe me when I say you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re seriously the coolest person ever.”

He was being so damn charming that it was hard to be mad at him. “Uh…thanks. I guess.”

“So? Deal or no deal?”

Well…if it was just Kenny, Kite didn’t see the harm in it. It’s not like he’d be able to see them if they somehow saw each other on the streets when he wasn’t in costume. “Ugh, fine. If you’re gonna be so annoying about it.”

And if he could hear Kenny’s singing voice again. But he kept that part to himself.

[im-gonna-liveforever]

ITS HECKIN TWISTED APPRECIATION WEEK SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (part 1/2)

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I’M GONNA YELL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE I DID LAST WEEK BC TWISTED IS A GOOD HECKING MUSICAL WITH A GOOD HECKING SOUNDTRACK

(Now with favorite lines! bc why not, right?) (favorite lines either there bc I like the lyrics in that part or I really like how it sounds within the song)

I’m not a professional music person (I’ve been in band for several years and I’m pretty good, but I don’t know anything about music theory or anything abt singing) but AH WELL, I LIKE RANTING ABT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THE INTERNET IS A GOOD PLACE TO FEEL LIKE I’M TALKING TO SOMEONE, SO HERE WE GO

(also there’s definitely going to be Twisted spoilers under the cut (for act one, at least), so watch out if you haven't seen it)

(also also I split this into two parts bc it’s getting late and as you can see by how this progresses, I got sleep deprived quickly plus it got way too long. This is part one with all the first act songs, part two will have the second act songs and should be up by tomorrow.)

OK THE OPENING NUMBER RIGHT?? THE INSTRUMENTALS?? THE HARMONIES??? THE GENERAL SAJKFDASJKFHDSJK???!?!? Like, it literally sounds like a Disney song but they cuss! It’s amazing!! (And all the citizens?? Comedy gold, every one of them, I swear) (AND THE FUCKINGJDSJKJDSKL SOPRANO PART???!? I’M C R Y I N G I FORGOT WHAT HER NAME WAS BUT SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGER THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE)

Favorite lines: 

“May the Rats ejaculate upon you!” “Thank you, thank you very much!”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?” “Uhh... Jafar?” 

“But ugliness permits a man to use his wits, ‘cause pretty people never have to try”

“UGLY OLD JAFAR!!”

pretty much  the whole song past the line “Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

Specifically “I want to be a cat!” “Wha-” “FUCK YOU!”

But more specially “Whistle while you swallow a spoonful of sugar and your dreams will come true upon a star!!!!” bc OH MY GOD IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Everyone listing how they want Jafar to die

ALSO SPECIALLY THE LAST 30 SECONDS BC AHJSAHJKADS (everything at and past the lines “and if we dream a little harder/ our patience and our honor...” etc.)

OK I STEAL EVERYTHING TIME! ULTIMATE CHAOS SONG, AND I LOVE. BE THE EVIL GREMLIN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Also: the jazziness?? the opening instrumentals??? it’s so good. To the people playing the instrumentals for this musical: ,,,thank you,,,.,. (Also I learned recently that most of Jeff’s songs are in my range so guess who’s gonna try and learn this song?)

Favorite lines:

“Fetch, ya fucks!”

Did I mention the instrumentals?? bc hfhhhjdklsajk They seem simple but they’re also going ham and I love it

“Monkey thought we should just kill you, but I said ‘No, monkey, that’s crazy’ but now I’m thinking, yeah, no more fucking raisins...’“

“Thanks but no, thanks, ‘The Man’“

Honestly every line in this is golden, but I can’t put them all in and that sucks

“You’re only in trouble if you get caught!” “Aladdin?” “I’m in trouble!”

“Just one question, why, man?” “’Cause you stole my daughter’s hymen!” “That’s completely fair, but, in my defense, dude, your daughter’s hot!”

EVERYTHING AND MOOREE!!! SHE WANTS IT ALL AND I’M CRYING BC SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL WHILE DOING SO. (I just realized that there’s 14 songs on this soundtrack and I’m sorry in advance for how long this post A) already is and B) is going to get) This song is so dramatic and that somehow fits the mood of her character and I love it so much and just ahdshjkds. Also it’s just?? So pretty????

Favorite lines:

“But it’s just like, whatever”

“I just want to be free so badly! You slaves could never understand. :(”

“You’re probably thinking, she’s got everything. Well, it’s true, ‘cause I do, but so the fuck what?”

“I WANT THE MOON! I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON! And eat it in a pie! And keep it as a pet! and wear it like a gemstone in my hair!”

“As I laugh in their faces of moonbeam pie!!”

“It’s enough to make me with I were lowly and poor... But like... with money!”

THA GOLDEN FUCJKLCIODIGN RULE. LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. AND THE DANCING THEY DO WITH IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF??? IT’S THE BEST. THE FIUCUING BEST. I’M CRYING. THE DANCING IS SO  GOOD. AND SO IS THIS SONG. Also, it’s the #1 Starkid song I’d be comfortable showing to my mom, which is a definite plus! (I could also show this to my church pastor and he’d?? definitely like it, so that’s also a definite plus) And everyone’s so nice to Jafar, espically compared to the opening number and it just makes me so sad and let me give Jafar a hug, goddammit. ALSO also please let me meet the saxophone player and shake his hand, I don’t play saxophone but what he’s doing here is amazing. WAIT ALSO ALSO ALSO MAY I MEET THAT FLUTE PLAYER BC I’M JUST NOW HEARING THE FLUTE (AND HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE, I PLAY THAT INSTRUMENT???) AND I’M FUCJKIGDFONG HOLY SHIT JSUT FUCKINGJDSJKL ;BOUNCE AROUND ON THOSE NOTES WHY DON’T YOU I’M SAJDSKCDSJS

Favorite lines:

“Why it’s as easy as a 1,2,3,4!”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers!” 

all of the lines just sound so good, I can’t choose 

The way Dylan Saunders says “Man” that that first time, like holy shit

The whole conversation between Omar and the thief

[completely monotone] “My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

AND THEN OMAR AND THE THIEF SING THE PART AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD

The “boop boop bop doop zeep do-wow!” in the background during that part

“Good luck Jafar! And! Re! Mem! Ber!”

And then the whole ensemble sings it and it sounds so good

oh good god we’re not even 5 songs in yet i’m so sorry 

GOLDEN RULE: EVIL REPRISE, OR, AS I CALL IT, “GOLDEN RULE WENT EMO BUT I STILL LOVE AND SUPPORT THEM”. Those dissonant sounds at the beginning? beautiful. All the random evil laughter? amazing. Whatever the heck the saxophonist is doing at the end? breathtaking, give me more. Joe Walker’s voice?? just fucking dhdsfjkfdlashjdsfklhfdsjkl

Favorite lines:

“Lets him rule the land WITH an iron fist!”

“The prize for winning? MORE GOLD, HAHA! And the game begins again!”

[sarcastically] “’Follow the golden rule’? Boy don’t be such a fool!”

“Follow the gold! Follow the gold! Follow the gold!” “AND RUUULE!!”

DID I MENTION THAT FUCKING SAXOPHONE PLAYER BC DUDE FUCKING AHSDJKDFS

the final “And Rule!”

Don’t be fooled bc this one is so short, it’s nearing midnight for me and also this song is really short. In reality, I fucking love this song and it’s one of my absolute favorite starkid villain songs and also one of my absolute favorites from this musical.

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS IS SOME FUCKINGNDSKLJ; GOOD SHIT I’M. Also, I don’t listen to it enough, so I’m giving y’all a running commentary as I listen to it for the first time outside of watching the whole musical 1) I love accidentals and key changes, and i’m,,, crying just the first verse is so good already, why haven’t I listened to this song enough 2) I’M CRYING I WANT TO KNOW THEIR STORY TOO THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS I’M CRYINGHJFDSJKSD 3) they keep using the word “’twist” and i’m ahsdhjkds bro 4) DYLAN YOUR VOICE. YOUR VOICE, IT’S TOO GOOD. IT MUST BE STOPPED, YOU’RE TOO GOOD, DYLAN 5) “LINGER OVER EVERY PART” OH MAN IT SOUDNS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. AHHHHHHDSHJDSFKLHJK 6) OK I’M LIKE ACTUALLY CRYINGN NOW THEY’RE IN LOVE. THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. OH  GOD OH FUCK 7) AND THEY SOUND SO GOOD, TOO, WHY HAVEN’T I LISTENED TO THIS SONG ENOUGH AHDHJKLDAS

OK I haven’t listened to this song enough to have favorite lines just yet, also I want to at least get to the end of the first act before I go to bed and it’s already midnight rn, so we’re going ahead and moving on (so sorry!)

IF I BE-FUCKIN-LIEVED. OH GOD. THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THE FLUTE, THE WORDS, THE SINGING LIKE GODDAMN. This one is also kinda within my range so I’m also trying to learn to sing it bc it’s just that good (cons of being a contralto: you get no female songs in musicals, pros of being a contralto: you get all the cool higher tenor songs) The raw emotion in his voice??? I’m crying??? The strength and soul and beauty and just ashjdskl;jdsfkl; it’s so, so beautifully and wonderfully amazing

Favorite lines:

“Science says you’re dead and gone forever! Reason says I’m talking to the air! But something in my heart, some secret, hidden part, illogically insists that you are there! Somewhere!!”

“Perhaps it’s not too late, to change the course of fate?”

“‘Cause after all, I must be pretty great... if you believed in me...”

Again this song is really short and there’s not a lot of lines to choose from and also I love them all and dfhjskdskjl this is just such a good song

I’m still crying

ORPHANED AT 33!!! [insert Peggle 2 gif] CHAOS... T W O!!!! HE’S MR ORPHAN, AKA CHAOS MAN (NOW WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER!) (I’m also trying to learn this one bc let me splurge in trying to teach myself Twisted songs, ok?) He’s being tragic and over-dramatic and it’s a beautiful song! and I also love how in the studio version, he doesn’t mention that they died earlier that year, so it almost comes as a shock when he says “when I was orphaned at... thirty-three” and it just makes the song that much funnier, trust me

Favorite lines:

I know I said this abt most of the other songs up to this point, but can I say all the lines? because all the lines

“[My parents are] dead... that makes me an orphan :’(”

“‘Cause my story’s just too saaad!”

“They call me a jerk off! a burn-out! A punk! But I can’t let that stuff in my head!”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started s t e a l i n g  a l l  I  c o u l d!”

”I’ll make it through somehow, despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone...”

“I’ll BREAK THE CHAIN!! YOU’LL SEE!!! I’M GONNA L I V E  F O R E V E R!!!!1!111!”

The last “thirty-three” bc Jeff oh my god what is that voice

HAPPY ENDING TIME, HECK YEAH!!!!! THIS SONG,,,, SO, SO GOOD, I’M A FUCKING SUCKER FOR SONGS WITH MORE THAN ONE PART THAT ALL END TOGETHER IN A HARMONY. THAT IS PEAK MUSICIANSHIP AND JUSTHSDHJFKSAD Also someone pointed this out to me, but the way to goes from Aladdin’s weirdly horny lines straight to the princess going “oh Aladdin, you poor, innocent soul :(” is just the funniest thing to me. And how it calls back to thier own solos, I’m???!? OH AND INSTRUMENTALS AGAIN. THE BAND FUCKING KILLED IT WITH THIS MUSICAL, IT’S SO, SO GOOD JUST AHDSJKLAKKFAnd the energy in it?? The excitement for the next act??? I’m pumped!! Are you pumped?? WELL GET READY BC YOU WILL BE

Favorite lines:

Yet a-fucking-gain I love every goshdarn line in this song, it’s just too good

“They’ll throw a parade in my honor, with peacocks and monkeys galore!”

“The people will cheer!” [cool guitar bit]

[Jafar’s relatively calm part ends] [electric guitar starts back up and Aladdin jumps on stage] “I CaN’T wAiT tO bE A RicH DUdE!!!11!1!″

“Stealing is so much easier when you’ve already got tons of gold!”

“I’ve got my eye! On what money can’t buy! ‘cause that princess is OH! Hella tight! I’ll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders! I’ll get my happy ending tonight!”

“My innocent Aladdin!”

Yes i’m fully aware I put pretty much Aladdin’s full part in there, stop judging me, it’s a good part

“It puts a damper on our love if you don’t have a head” 

“So with with your permission, I’d like to bring back your bride!”

just. Jafar’s whole fantasy where he’s happy with his wife. I’m crying again, please just let him be happy

THE ENDING PART WHERE THEY ALL START UP AND BRING UP THIER OWN HOPES FOR THAT NIGHT AND THEY SING THE FINAL”TONIGHT!!!” ALL TOGETHER AND THEN THERE’S THAT COOL LITTLE 2 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BIT AT THE VERY END IT’S JUST,.,, SO GOOD I’M DSJHDASHJKSDJK

Ok yeah that’s the end of the first act of songs! I should have the next part up by tomorrow, so get ready for more capslock and keysmashes and me generally being excited abt music bc MUSIC HECK YEAH DFFHADSJKHDAS

[willowgust]

Singing On the Fence

~Music~

The graceful sweep of pale trees and elven towers stood beside the sun’s half-hidden disk. Motionless air stewed in the aroma of warm ocean salt and algae. 

Seo-yun’s glazed stare drifted with the rapid glimmer of the sea. His eyes were lost on the pink horizon. They were tired. Blank. And his paws were empty. Not even a box of lures sat at his side.

He didn’t seem to notice the blase-faced gunslinger strutting closer, or the footsteps creaking the wharf’s shallow planks. Oshiban took a casual swig from his cask of scotch and grinned down at him. “Hey hey, if it isn’t my favorite wharf bum!” His nose crinkled at Seo-yun’s familiar fish stench, apparently tolerating it. “I thought you and Naggy McBonenag were all fixed up? I asked if you struck back out with the Tarts and heard you were a no-show. Weren’t you going to--woah,” he stopped. “Woah. Back up. This can’t be what I’m seeing, right?” Oshiban veered his head, searching every feasible angle of the water. All he saw was a pair of fuzzy feet dangling over the wharf. “You’re not fishing? The hell’s the matter, you sick or something?”

Seo-yun said nothing.

“...Oh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes with a jaded frown. “Let me guess. You heard about the barbecued Kaldorei-kabobs? Is that 500 gold to Mr. Il’vineen or am I way off?”

A low huff of air fled his nose.

“Listen, I hate those freakin’ fairy snobs, but even I think that was pretty messed up. Not to mention that World Tree’s literally toast and that’ll probably bite us all in the ass later. But hey. Only one crazy bitch made that call. No one else has changed, yanno? I mean, okay. Not even Saurfang stopped her, but just goes to show. We’re all out for our own backs. That’s how it is.”

The pandaren finally spared him a side-glance.

“There he is. Here, you need this more than me.” He offered his flask.

Seo-yun hesitated... then grabbed it and threw back his head. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug-- 

Oshiban snatched it back, “Hey, that’s enough! That 12-year stuff isn’t cheap. And you know you’re not supposed to chug it like that, right?”

With his paw still in mid-air, his eyes bubbled sadly at its sudden lack of booze.

“...Fuck. That’s just not fair. How does a guy this shabby figure out a way to look that adorable? Fine, take it.”

--Grab! Glug, glug, glug, glug... Seo-yun pulled his head upright once he’d drained the cask of its last drop. He seemed a little more content. Somewhat.

“Look,” Oshiban slid to a seat beside him. “That edge queen’s always been bad news. Nothing has to be different. It’s not like you’ve ever actually joined the Horde army and have to stand by all the Warchief’s shitty decisions. You can still go out and be our resident lawn sprinkler, rock some piano, make a shaman-y slip-and-slide for the kids... I mean, yanno. August gets pretty bad.”

“...Noodles ‘n’ seafood.”

He blinked at him, startled to hear his voice. “Uhhh. You asking to order out? If that’s the case my vote is on Troll cajun. I had noodles last night.”

Seo-yun handed back Oshiban’s flask and finally turned to face him. His eyes brimmed with a sudden heartfelt tension. “Noodles ‘n’ seafood. Ya wanna know what got me into th’ Horde? That’s it. Left Northrend, reunited with my ol’ family, saved ‘em from the Sha, and didn’t know where to go. So I started that Tuskarr-Pandaren restaurant ya liked. Needed a venue. Was hard to find space after everyone ‘n’ their gramma was inspired to cook 'cause o’ Pandaria. Stormwind, full. Darnassus, full. Ironforge, full. Orgrimmar, full. Undercity made me barf. Silvermoon had a space. Set up shop, kicked ass, then went outta business after a year ‘cause the guy who took over cut too many corners. Fished, sailed around, and joined the Tarts. That’s it. That’s how I joined the Horde. Inspired yet?”

Oshiban stared at him in awe, his jaw unashamedly ajar, as Seo-yun actually continued making a long-winded speech. 

“Family’s everythin’ to me. But my family’s never been the Horde. Thought th’ feud between Alliance and Horde was dumb since day one. Been as neutral as they come. But I’ve been throwin’ myself around battlefields just tryin’ to make sure none o’ my friends die. I’m tired! And hungry! Well, I’m always hungry, but I’m tired! Now everyone wants me fightin’ again because the Alliance are angry that the Horde attacked because they’re angry the Alliance attacked because the Horde did this and the Alliance did-- it’s so confusing!!” his graveled voice cried, the rims of his eyes reddening with tears. “I can’t keep track an’ I don’t care! Got called a hypocrite ‘cause I’m not ‘treatin’ the Horde like my family,’ but the Horde never were. Got friends in all kinds o’ factions! All I wanna care about is what to do fer my next show and whether ‘r not my friends ‘n’ family’re okay. Those’re my people. Are a bunch of ‘em suddenly not if I don’t wanna fight fer the Horde? Why can’t I stick by them without havin’ to die fer a war that even I know is stupid?!”

Once the initial shock had passed, Oshiban’s gaze fell to the lapping tide. A small, grim smile tugged his mouth. He looked back up. “Hey. Uh. I’m really bad at this advice thing, but I do have something to say. Seo-yun, you’re naive, slow, have rose-colored glasses super-glued to your fur, and you’re so stupid you make kobolds look like gnomish physics professors. But you’re among the few people I’ve ever met that I actually like. You know why?”

Seo-yun sniffled and wiped his nose.

“You have something that, like, 98% of people on this rock either don’t have, or lie about having. You have a heart of actual gold. You’re like... one of those small boys in Winter’s Veil specials that Greatfather Winter sits on his lap before he says ‘once upon a time.’ Or a giant puppy. You don’t have a cruel or deceitful bone in your body and you’re too dumb to manipulate anyone. You’re insanely loyal to people who don’t deserve it, and that’s exactly why they call you a hypocrite. They know the loyalty you have to your families, and they wish they had the balls. Projection’s a bitch.” Oshiban scoffed, “Hell... even I’m jealous. But that’s probably because, honestly? It’d be nice to have a family at all. I learned kinda quick that life’s too full of back-stabbing bastards to really have anything like that.” He shrugged, “That’s life.

“Anyway, I sorta... I wish I could protect that wildly misguided innocence you have. I wish I could stop your heart from growing up. If there were more of you I’d be out of a job, but it’s kinda nice to know that people like you exist. So if you don’t wanna fight for the Horde because the Horde isn’t your family? Then don’t. Don’t listen to those assbags. Grab your keyboard and sing on your neutral fence. Throw waterpark buckets all over people as a Moa’ki guy who’s just keeping his friends alive, not a Horde guy. Who cares? You and me are gonna be rolling in it anyway.”

Confused, Seo-yun knitted his forehead, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I’m gonna make big bucks takin’ out bad guys for the Horde. You, however, won’t just have plenty of work as a healer. You’re the piano guy. That’s why people are gonna need you more than they’ll ever need me.” Oshiban smiled.

Seo-yun’s eyes glinted with a touched warmth. He returned it. “Thanks, man.” With a leathery shuffle against wood, he turned back to admire the sea.

“So uh, you know I got lots of contacts in the spa industry you’re... you’re sure you don’t wanna do anything about that fish smell situation?”

Seo-yun snorted wryly. “Tell ‘em ‘Good luck.’”

[secretradiobrooklyn]

May Day Edition | 5.1.21

Secret Radio | 5.1.21 | Hear it here.

1. Zia - “Helel Yos”

This song has been in our heads in a big way the last few weeks. Zia was my first exposure to pre-revolutionary Iranian rock  — sometimes called “psych rock,” though I can’t tell if that’s a designation he would make himself. But to be fair, I have no idea what he’s going for. Nonetheless, those little whistles he does get under my skin and into my brain. I wake up in the morning singing “helel yoza, hella hella helel yoza”… This is from the late ‘60s, I believe. The whole album (also called “Helel Yos”) is pretty excellent, and includes the song “Khofrium” from our last broadcast. A recent favorite and highly recommended.

2. Shin Joong Hyun - “Pushing through the Fog” 

Somehow stumbled on this collection of South Korean music, and it has been mesmerizing. Shin Joong Hyun is a great example of something I love discovering over and over again: someone working within a language and a genre, but also expressing a completely unique personal style that extends beyond those general qualities and into startling specifics. This song is from “Beautiful Rivers and Mountains: The Psychedelic Rock Sound of South Korea’s Shin Joong Hyun 1958-74,” which blows my mind, because the tones, and especially the bass and drums, sound so completely of the moment. It’s sold out at Light In The Attic’s store, so we’ll be keeping our eyes out for it in the wild, because these are going to be some crucial liner notes. The brief version on their site describes him as a guitarist, songwriter, producer, arranger, and talent developer. He began by performing for US troops in Korea post active war time, became a bewitching guitarist and songwriter, then started producing other bands in the region, and a string of hits developed. It sounds like his story includes a really harsh period of intrusion and disruption by the government… but as far as I can tell he survived to the current day, and even helped oversee this collection.

3. The Traces - “Je t’aime moi non plus” - “Thai Beat A Go Go Vol 2”

Ummm… I would LOVE to know what words they’re singing. This chummy Thai version of Gainsbourg’s super sensual “Je t’aime, moi non plus” is such a weird listening experience. I think one of the singers is either drunk or hearing the song for a first or second pass. What are they saying?!

4. Annie Philippe - “On m’a toujours dit”

I really love the energy and style of this track and many of the Annie Philippe songs I’ve heard, which makes it aggravating that the first thing one finds online in English about Philippe is a condescending, limp writeup on her by Richie Unterberger that tries its best to ignore how delightful her voice is and how pleasurable the arrangements are — luckily the dude mentions that Paul Mariat worked on her albums, who also arranged Charles Aznavour. I love the florid colors of French pop from the ‘60s with hothouse arrangements and wide-flung voices. The ebullient drums and electric guitar, the confident harmonies and tucked in little organ and horn licks are all pure joy.

5. T.P. Orchestre Poly-Rythmo de Cotonou - “Houton Kan Do Go Me” 

While we were in the Illinois woods we received some very welcome records from Germany’s Analog Africa label which included “The Skeletal Essences of Afro-Funk,” a collection of songs by pretty much our favorite band in the world, T.P. Orchestre. These songs that explore some of the facets of the band that “Echoes Hypnotique” and “The Vodoun Effect” — both gorgeous, keystone records — hadn’t gotten to yet. The language is Fon, the style is Jerk, and the composer (though not the singer, I think) is Bentho Gustave, T.P.’s bassist. pretty sure the singer is Lohento Eskill.

- Hailu Mergia & The Walias - “Musicawi Silt”

The Walias is the band that Hailu Mergia was in when he first came to America. I seem to remember a story that they were disappointed with the trip, went home to Ethiopia and broke up, but Mergia stayed and kept developing his keyboard style, which did a few decades later (!) actually win him wide recognition and acclaim. This is some of his earlier work, not in the director’s seat, and you can hear so much of Mergia’s style woven into the band’s arrangements. I love how it sounds like he’s just playing pure electric current — it barely sounds like an organ to me, more like uncut groove tone.

6. “Newsies” clip

In celebration of May Day, we present this inspiring tale of unions forming in the streets of New York. 

7. Sexe a Pile - “Pas Méchant”

Another recent record score, this one from our other most favorite label, Born Bad Records in France: “Paink: French Punk Anthems 1977-1982.” One thing I love about this song is that the chorus always makes me think of “High Class” by the Buzzards, a song that never got nearly enough love as far as I’m concerned.

8. The Replacements - “Customer”

Dave got me thinking about the Replacements and before I knew it we were deep into “Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash.” So wild and loose and pissed off and sincere the whole time. You can really hear Westerberg yearn to be great but also sneer at himself for taking something seriously. It used to sound so unhinged to me but now it has become an album about being young and scared of yourself 

9. Plearn Promdan - “Ruk Kum Samong”

Well, this was something we didn’t see coming — the Thai music we’ve heard up to now has been more ’50s influenced. It sounds like a four-piece rock band surrounded by a drum circle. This is part of what’s apparently known as Luk Thung underground. There’s been some very good stuff so far, I look forward to finding out more. 

10. T.P. Orchestre - “Azanlokpe”

I got a little obsessed with T.P. Orchestre for a while there, and was trying to listen to every single recording that Discogs offered — which is a LOT, because they were super prolific. This is one of my favorite finds so far. I wish I could say which singer this is; it was noted as Melome Clément but I don’t think that’s him. So many talented people in this band!

11. Francis Bebey - “Super Jingle”

Francis Bebey contains multitudes. I’m pretty sure he records all of these parts himself. I think he’s just a master of rhythm — all of the instruments weave a tapestry that he can then cavort upon. The body of the song is so hypnotizing, the lead so akimbo. 

12. Dalida - “J’ai revé”

One of the highlights of the 2017 St. Louis International Film Fest was the biopic of her life. This is early Dalida. As far as Paige understands, she’s the French Lady Gaga for people who were clubbing in the ’70s and ’80s. The story of her life has some really sad shit, but this take on Bobby Darin’s “Dream Lover” is full of life.

- “Newsies” reprise

Radical sincerity sometimes requires references to musicals.

- Petch Pintong - “Soul Lum Piern”

I love this track and know nothing about it except that it was collected on “Thai Beat A Go Go Vol 4.” Those collections have turned out to be full of riches!

13. Atomic Forest - “Obsession ’77 (Fast)”

OK, these guys seem really interesting. They’re an Indian psych-funk band, which was apparently totally unheard of there, and they only released a single album — and that one only after they broke up. Because that album is full of great stuff, most notably (at least to me) this track, their story is almost too perfectly suited to the obsessions of vinyl collectors worldwide. Now-Again Records re-released the album in 2011, and we ran across it just a couple months ago. I really enjoy the sense of narrative in the song — what’s happening in the foreground keeps evolving and remaining legitimately interesting.

14. Metak - “Da Mi Je Biti Morski Pas”

I’m proud to say that these dedicated rockers are Croatian, and this track from 1980 rocks like a seafoam T-top Stingray. This is from a 7” with “Rock’n’Roller” on the flip.

15. Mai Lan - “Les Huîtres”

Paige found this amazing playlist on Spotify years ago, and this is finally the way she started getting into more contemporary French music. It sounds like she’s from a musical and artistic French-Vietnamese family. “Les Huîtres” is from around 2008. Kind of feels like 

16. VIS Idoli - “Maljciki”

We found a video of this Yugoslavian ska while looking for something else entirely. I did learn that this is political ska, and that they were frowned upon by the government. One account has them being indulged by the government; another has them under threat of punishment. I do love knowing that ska is a political form and not just a genre. I have no idea how they would feel about the Croatian rockers a few tracks back, and I hope none of them did any harm to one another other during the terrible ‘90s. 

17. Para One, Arthur Simonini - “La Jeune Fille en Feu” - “Portrait of a Woman on Fire” score

Did you see “Portrait of a Woman on Fire”? We highly recommend it, for a lot of reasons but definitely for the passage of this song. It sounds great here, but at night, by firelight, with all the nuns and farmwomen on the island? 

18. The Space Lady - “Ghost Riders in the Sky”

- Sleepy Kitty - “Western Antagonist Reflection”

19. Mikyas Chernet - “Ziyoze”

Marc, this is the song I was talking about stepping into the Teddy Afro position. It’s definitely not the same, but you can hear the modern Ethiopian pop feel running through it. It helps that I first heard it while picking up an order from our favorite Ethiopian in STL, which is also where we first heard Teddy Afro. The dancers are on POINT in the video, and they’re rockin a couple of new styles that I hadn’t seen yet.

20. Nazir Ali - “Lad Pyar Aur Beti”

Listen to the giant smiles in their voices! This is from a very recent compilation. That female voice has to be Nahid Aktar, or at least it sounds just like her; I think the protagonist-sounding male voice is Ali’s. There is a brief appearance from that Oscar the Grouch-sounding guy from last episode’s Aktar song. It’s so cool how the song shifts into new mode after new mode as it goes. 

21. Nathalie - “L’Amour Nous Repond”

22. The Fall - “L.A.”

This period of The Fall is surely our favorite — wherever Brix E. went, the songs were great. And now, with vaccines coursing through our systems, we can feel our thoughts casting their way to LA and San Francisco…

23. Akaba Man & The Nigie Rokets - “Ta Gha Hunsimwen” 

Analog Africa’s most recent release is “Edo Funk Explosion Vol. 1,” with tracks from the late ‘70s and ‘80s in Nigeria’s Benin City. Akaba Man is described as “the philosopher king of Edo funk.” The whole album is full of good tracks that only get better with repeated listens. This one has a bed of sounds that could happily go on for hours or days.

24. Gérard Manset - “Entrez dans le rêve”

Paige: “If you ever want to hear Lou Reed sing in French, this is the best we’re gonna get.” 

- Johnny Guitar - “Bangkok by Night”

We heard the “Shadow Music of Thailand” album a while back but haven’t dipped into it for too long. This Santo & Johnny style reverbed-out dream of the ‘50s lives eternally in Thai psych guitar.

25. David Bowie - “When I Live My Dream”

We do not condone the killing of any species of dragon, and I can only trust that neither dragon nor giant was harmed in the making of this fantasy.

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Chapter 16

Dark.

But not completely dark. The moonlight invades the hallway, allowing you to at least sense the figures standing there.  Yoosung is still next to you. Jumin and Zen are close to the hallway entrance, Saeyoung is a few steps ahead, so is Jaehee. Rika is behind you, standing at the door of hat must be her room, and V is with her.

“Did you just say you fucked with the boyfriend of Yoosung’s cousin?”

“I… I did.” You lower your gaze, but nobody can see how bad you feel.

“So you’re saying YOU fucked my boyfriend?” Unless Yoosung has some other cousin… no, but you still fucked V, this wouldn’t make sense. Ah, what are you thinking? It’s a rhetorical question.

“Yes. I said that, and look, I…”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, JIHYUN?” she shouts again, but her voice is not coming towards you.

“Rika, calm down… we…” V says in a quiet voice.

“Calm down!? I can’t believe you could do such a thing to me, Jihyun! Are you fucking out of your mind? TELL ME IF YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND SO I KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO RIGHT NOW! Oh my God, Jihyun… Oh my God!”

Nobody is seeing you frowning, but that’s what you’re doing. Why is she yelling to him only? Why is she…?

“Rika, I can explain, I…”

“You shut up, MC! I’m talking to him right now!” she mutters. Whoa! Did she just tell you to shut up?

“Excuse me?”

“I said I’m talking to him right now! This is adult stuff, nothing a petty child like you would understand.”

“Ch-child? A petty child that fucked your boyfriend!” you hear some “uuhs” probably coming from Saeyoung. What are you doing?

“Yes, exactly, a petty sneaky child that I could expect to do something like this. But my boyfriend… no… my expectations are low with you considering how you act, MC, but not from my boyfriend.”

What the hell is this bitch saying right now? She’s no mad at you for fucking her boyfriend because… she saw it coming? She expected you to be this kind of girl? Considering how you act? WHAT THE FUCK?

“How I act? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t believe you will have the guts to keep playing innocent even now, MC. I just… no, this is not about you, this is about you, Jihyun. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, really. I was just so… frustrated and mad at you, Rika.”

“You said we were cool, Jihyun.”

“Ah, yes, because I always say we’re cool. We’re always cool, Rika, yes, we’re always cool until you start acting behind my back again! And dragging Jumin this time, I mean…”

“Jihyun, I don’t know what you heard, but…” Jumin’s voice rises from down the hallway.

“I didn’t hear, I just know, Jumin! Okay? I know about everything!”

Wait, V knows? He… knows Rika and Jumin are cheating on him? Wait, you knew about that too. And so does Zen, right?

“Jihyun, you have to understand that things are more complicated that they seem…”

“No, Jumin! Whya re you trying to explain yourself? This is about how Jihyun fucked a freshman just to get revenge on me!”

Was that really what happened? You were… used as revenge?

“I didn’t do it to take revenge on you, Rika! I would never do that to an innocent girl! Come on! Do you really think I am this kind of guy?”

You don’t think he would be this kind of guy. You… don’t want him to be this guy…

“Oh, so what is the reasonable explanation for you cheating on me with her, Jihyun?”

“There is no reasonable explanation, MC and I were on my car, talking, I was already frustrated with you and all your… bullshit! And she was… she was being sweet and funny… and… I… I kissed her, she just went along.” Thank god nobody can see you blushing right now.

“Of course she was being sweet and funny, of course, Jihyun…” Rika mutters.

“What is that suppose to mean?” you ask, realizing she’s still saying nonsense about you.

“MC, I swear to God that if you try to make this about yourself one more time…”

“But this is about me! This is about me if you keep throwing dubious comments about me like I’m not part of the situation, Rika. I… am trying to take my guilt, why are you not letting me?”

“Because I don’t believe your act. There, I said it.”

“My act?”

“Yes, your goddamn act! I read you from the moment I saw you on that shithole of record store. You play quirky and weird to get people to like you. And of course all this band full of… fucked up people would take you and welcome you, because you’re sweet and funny, yay! But me? Uh-huh, you don’t fool me, MC! I see you as the sneaky manipulative little bitch you are!”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?” now it’s your time to yell. “Manipulative? What have I done?”

“First it’s Zen there, you listen to him, say you want to get to know him. Then it’s Yoosung, you give him some guts to speak up a little more. Jaehee, you sing with her, pay attention to her and make her feel normal. Then Saeyoung, you play along with his antics. Then you make Jumin fall for your talent so he won’t see your terrible personality. And finally Saeran… but spare of the details on what you did in that closet and let’s just imagine why was he so mad that he left.”

“How do you…? You…?”

“I’ve been paying attention to you for a while because I didn’t trust you from the beginning. And it seems to me I was right to.”

You’re confused, angry, scared, and sad. And when things get this overwhelming, there’s only one thing to do.

Laugh.

You give this big baffled nervous laugh, trying to imagine if everybody is looking at you in puzzlement, while Rika is probably drooling from rage.

“You… you don’t trust me? Well, it’s good we’re on the same page, Rika, because I never trusted you either, ever since you cornered me at Yoosung’s house and… hit on me or threatened me, I… what the fuck were you trying to do, anyway?”

“I was testing the limits of this act of yours. And color me impressed, bitch, I almost believed you for a second. Yeah, I almost fell your… denseness was real, but then again, you don’t fool me, MC. No, you can seduce everyone in this room with this salty and cutie attitude, but not me.”

“Se-seduce? Are you saying I tried to seduce everyone?”

“Rika, I think this already went too far…” V almost whispers.

“Shut up, V!” you and her say at the same time.

“Are you saying I seduced everyone?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! I don’t know what you gain out of this, but from the moment you showed up, all you did was make these people falling for you.”

“Fall for me?” you feel like laughing. “Fall for me? You’re crazy, bitch! You’re saying everybody in this room have… romantic feelings for me, and that makes absolute no sense! No, I was talking to Zen a few moments ago and he said he sees me as a little sister. Right, Zen?”

“I… yes, I did. But I…”

“Zen?”

“I thought that’s what I should say after realizing you like somebody else. But…”

“But?”

“I… really want to see you happy, MC, even if it’s not with me.” Oh…

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“This is not the kind of thing I would do, MC. No, I decided to back out the minute you said you liked Yoosung at that senior’s party.”

“W-wait, what?” Yoosung is still next to you, and you see him jumping. “You like me?”

“What? No, I… I didn’t say that! I said that I was going to get close to Yoosung to give you and Jaehee some space because she likes you, Zen!”

“Liked, MC. I told you that I used to like him, but that was two years ago! No, I don’t like Zen anymore, I don’t… I’m not even sure if I like men anymore…”

“Jaehee…? You…?” you look at who you think it’s her in the shadows. “You… were trying to come out that day?”

“I… was, MC. I thought you would understand me… but I wasn’t sure, you can be so… ambiguous… I mean, I don’t know what Zen is saying, but it seems you implied you might have feelings for Yoosung…”

“But I don’t! I mean, I may have felt a minor crush, but I backed out as soon as I realized he had feelings for Rika!”

“WHAT? I DON’T… I-I… I don’t have feelings for Rika, MC.”

“You don’t!? But what about that talk on wanting to impress a girl and…?” The girl was you, you don’t really need him to answer.

“Yoosung… I…”

“Alright! This is taking a weird turn, y’all! Why don’t we all go to bed since there’s no light? Yeah, we can go on with this discussion later, maybe tomorrow or… never, preferably?” Saeyoung chimes with his usual chill tone, but you have to ask.

“Am I the drums for you, Saeyoung?”

“What?”

“Am I the drums? Did you give up on playing the drums because it would be beneficial for your brother?”

“MC…”

“Or am I asking the wrong person again? Saeyoung… when I tried to kiss you…”

“I found some Saeran’s compositions in his bedroom . I had no idea they were about you, at least not until that afternoon we spent together... but no, you are not the drums. You are… more important, actually.”

“Because Saeran… loved me, right?”

“He loves you.”

“No, he hates me now. He hates me for trying to act natural after what V and I did… he thinks… I was playing with his feelings.”

Like Rika said you were doing. It crosses you like a stake, Rika thinks you’re a sneaky manipulative bitch playing with these fucked up people’s feelings just because.

Are you?

“See, MC? I told you could not fool me, and I was going to take your mask off sooner or later, but you did it yourself. I would feel pity, but I think this is what you want, right? That’s what you wanted from Jihyun so he would become a cheater.”

A cheater.

“A cheater…” you mutter. “Who are you to talk about cheating, Rika?”

“Excuse me?”

“For your information, I just met V that night because I was looking for Zen.”

“F-for me? Why?”

“Because I wanted to apologize for not listening your warnings about Jumin, he was really doing something wrong with Rika, he was… cheating on his best friend with her girlfriend.”

“I was what?”

“He was what?” V, Rika and Zen ask at the same time.

“You all heard me! Yeah, I wanted to talk to Jumin at the professions fair and saw him behid a tent, I want to him but didn’t notice there was someone else. I just noticed when I was already too close and listened to a conversation.”

“MC…” Jumin sighs.

“Are you going to deny you were talking about wanting to stop before V would find out, Jumin? Are you going to deny you were hugging her because you are lovers?”

“I’m not going to deny there were a conversation and a hug, but I am going to deny the lovers part, since it’s not true.”

“What you mean ‘it’s not true’? You were talking about being in trouble if V found about what was happening and she said she wouldn’t be worried thanks to Jumin, because…”

“He’s a fool who didn’t learn to say ‘no’ to a junky.” V states, you’ve never heard him so serious with such a deep tone.

“Jihyun…” now Rika’s voice is small, completely different from when she was playing a detective pointing out all your crimes.

“You know, I can pretend I don’t see you lying here and there about going on studio with Taylor Swift or Joe Jonas…”

“Nick Jonas.” You correct him. Not the point, but still…

“I can put up with that bullshit to not let people know you’re going to rehab appointments.”

“You’re going to rehab!?” you ask and listen Zen’s groaning. Oh… that’s why he thought you were too young to deal with this, right?

“She goes, matter of fact. My dad had to pull out some strings  for her to go to weekly appointments instead of being locked in some institution assigned by court so she wouldn’t miss classes and repeat the grade. And I felt like an idiot when I found not only she was missing the appointments, but also doing drugs again, because Jumin was getting them.”

“Jumin…?” you look in his direction, is he… lowering his head.

“I was trying to convince her on quitting, Jihyun. But she kept coming to me, saying she needed my help.”

“Because you’ve always helped me with everything, Jumin. You were such a good manager, protecting me and shielding me even when we lost the winter festival last year…”

“That we lost sue to your cracked voice from drugs.” V mutters.

“And you never forgave me, did you? But Jumin did, that’s why I felt safer around him…”

“And Jumin would do everything for you back then, since he liked you. But now he wanted to stop because things are changing, I couldn’t pretend anymore I’m not seeing what’s happening, Rika. Yes, you’ve been attacking this poor girl, but didn’t you realize you are doing exactly the same?”

“Don’t compare us! I had a goal in mind, she doesn’t! She just does for fun!”

Do you? You really played with these people’s feelings to have fun? But how…? How did you not notice you were doing this? And why isn’t it fun at all, if that’s the case? It’s not fun, it’s… cruel.

Are you… cruel?

And as you just got enlightened, the power is back on. The lights are on in the hallway and now you can see everybody. Now you can see the effects of this painful conversation, as nobody dares to raise their gazes, nobody wants to face you, and you don’t want to face anybody, but you already faced the truth, so… is it enough?

It’s not, you realize as Saeran shows up next to the bedrooms.

“Bro! Where were you?” Saeyoung asks.

“Trying to fix this. It wasn’t snowing that much for us to end in a blackout, so I thought it could be something wrong with the fuse.”

“Ah yes, I should tell my father to send someone and fix it, the power can be a little unstable after the last time it got renovated. Thank you, Saeran.”

“It’s cool. It was nice since I could cool off my head a little.”

“Literally? Because there is snow in your hair, bro.”

“Well, yeah, it’s snowing a little, I needed to check the wiring outside too. But it should be fine by now. What is going on here?”

“An emotional orgy.” Saeyoung says.

“I’m not sure I want to know what this means.” You wish you didn’t either.

But you do. And you know what’s worst? Not the fact that you just found you hurt all these people’s feeling. What saddens you the most is seeing Saeran shivering due to being out in the cold, he preferred that rather than staying here to see this mess.

Because, as Rika, he already realized how terrible you are. And being the selfish bastard you are, that’s what saddens you the most. Because you suddenly thought you liked this guy, and hurt him as fast as you decided you like him.

But maybe it’s not personal, since you hurt everyone else, even Rika, who you don’t like… so maybe it was just for fun.

“That sure was… a lot to process.” Jumin says as passing next to you when everybody awkwardly starts getting ready to sleep.

“Yeah… Jumin, I’m sor…”

“But I trust you will figure out what to do.” He says coldly, having his back on you as he heads towards his bedroom.

“I already do.” You say firmly.

“You… you do?”

“Yeah…” he turns to look at you and raises his eyebrows, probably surprised by seeing you fighting your tears. “I’ll quit the band.”

← Chapter 15 | Chapter 17  →

[mfmagazine]

Grammatrain

Article by Erik Schultz

Photo by Ashley Genevieve

Last year began a new chapter in the lives of Pete Stewart, Dalton Roraback and Paul Roraback. Grammatrain was riding high on the rock circuit from 1994-1998, but that came to a halt in late 1998. Pete went solo and began producing, Paul began other projects and session work, and Dalton got a “day” job. Now, over ten years later, they are back with a new album and a new outlook on the band; same hard hitting sound, but a slightly different message. I had the pleasure of chatting with Pete and Paul; talking about the new album, plans for the future and the spiritual side of the band.

Let’s talk about the new album, Imperium. How does it feel to have a new album out after 10 years?

Pete: A bit surreal, but mostly very satisfying. I don't think any of us envisioned this happening after the band split up in '98. It's been nice to really do things our way with no outside label or producer and see the whole thing through like this.

When you decided you guys were going to record a new album, what were the expectations walking into the studio?

Pete: We started this thing really low key. When the idea first emerged to make a new record, I thought it was important to keep the attitude very casual with it and not have it be a high-pressure situation. I think we figured we'd try to record a few songs, and if it seemed like it was working and it was a good idea, we'd continue the process.

Paul: I knew Pete would write great music, and Dalton is a very capable bass player, so really my only expectations musically were for myself. I've always been the kind of musician that plays for me first, taking into consideration the boundaries or challenges of the song. I have to record something that I can listen to for the rest of my life, so my first instincts are rather self indulgent. However, I've always felt that if you write something that you like, someone is bound to like it also. I feel sorry for musicians that spend all their time trying to write music that someone else might like. If you don't like it, it's possible that no one will like it. But if you do like it then it seems likely that someone will like it.

Pete, since you have played the musician and producer role in the past, how did those experience help in creating this album, compared to previous Grammatrain records?

Pete: Well, certainly the experience of being on the other side of the glass so much during the last 10 years changed the perspective this time around. Paul has also had a lot of experience recording and producing during the last several years, so we were able to communicate about the process in a way that neither of us were able fully to in the old days. It's a lot more responsibility when you decide you're going to produce your own album as a band. There's a great aspect to being that much in control...but you also bring a lot heavier workload on to yourself. There were many, many late nights for us during the whole process, but as a band, we've never been afraid of hard work.

Does this feel like the 4th studio album for you guys and a continuation of the band, or the first album and somewhat starting over?

Paul: A little of both. Since it's been 10 years, and we've progressed so much since we recorded Flying, it feels new. The chemistry is still there for us, I remember when Pete came to Austin with his solo project and asked if I would play drums for him; we had one rehearsal and then played SXSW. From the very first beat Pete and I felt like we'd never been apart.

Pete: It was kind of amazing to us once we started fleshing out the songs together that the "Grammatrain sound" started to kind of emerge on its own. It felt like we were able to write whatever kind of songs we felt like and not have to worry about sounding like us, because that part just happened on its own.

Tell me about the first couple times you guys got together and practiced/jammed after not playing together for 10 years.

Pete: The first time we stepped in a room to actually play our instruments together was last year when we rehearsed for our reunion show. For me, it was a really special feeling filled with anticipation. I think we knew it was going to be a really unique and special experience...we kind of respected the weightiness of what we were doing, if that makes sense. We also knew we were in for a lot of work, having to relearn much of our old songs that none of us had played in a decade!

With the change in spiritual direction of the band, how have long time fans responded to the reunion and new material?

Pete: It's been mixed. There's some people who have said they respect the fact that we're being real about where we are and are just excited that we're playing together again. There are some who are, of course, disappointed that I'm not a Christian anymore. I can sort of understand that. Some people have a hard time with change, and some people can feel a sense of ownership with their favorite bands or musicians and have that ownership feel violated when the person turns out to be something other than what they want to perceive. It certainly doesn't make me feel good to let anyone down, so to speak. But, I think that reality is better than the alternative, which would be to pretend to be something that someone else might want to see. Overall, the response has been positive, though. We did have one fan actually send his CD back in the mail saying he preferred "his Grammatrain" to be different than who we were. I found that a little odd...but in the end, that was his choice.

Again, with the spiritual change, does it give different meanings to old songs as you perform and rehearse them?

Pete: Yes, as a matter of fact. I still resonate with the emotions that I felt when we created those songs and when I wrote many of those lyrics. There was actually a moment during an encore in our CD release show last weekend where we played one of our oldest songs and I started feeling tears in the back of my eyes. I started thinking, "Okay, let's not lose it here in front of everyone..." I'm different in a lot of ways to who I was all those years ago when we wrote those songs, just like everyone is as they grow older, but I still relate to the guy I was when those words came out of me originally. There are certain songs that I've chosen not to perform in our current shows, and Paul and Dalton have been extremely understanding and gracious about it. I know there's words in certain of our older songs that mean something to people to this day, and I almost feel that I could ruin that for them or come off hypocritical by singing something that may not ring true for me today. But, overall, most of the songs still resonate with me in their own way.

The Last Sound...What kind of momentum push has this unique project given you?

Pete: The Last Sound is an example of an idea that ends up taking on a life of its own. We wrote this song and thought we'd give it to the Sounders organization to see if they might be interested in using it. I don't think we dreamt that a month later Drew Carey would be publicly talking about our band and funding a big budget video or that our song would get used in so many ways as a team anthem. It's certainly raised awareness of our band. We probably couldn't have asked for a better way to re-introduce ourselves to the world during the process of releasing this record. I'm sure that had a fair amount to do with selling out our (Seattle) show last weekend. Being on the field after the match when the Sounders won the US Open Cup and hearing our song get played at the stadium while much of the crowd sung along during the trophy presentation is something that still gives me chills when I think about it.

You guys have been at this, either as the band or in other projects, for over 15 years. What is the biggest thing you have learned about yourself through this whole process?

Pete: I can't be happy doing anything else. Music is evidently what I am wired to do. It's what makes me feel the most whole. At the same time, I think I've learned to balance things a little better and find a little more peace in life than I was formerly able to. It's important to have goals and a strong work ethic, but it's important to keep it all in perspective and not miss out on the whole journey.

Paul: I've found that it's easy to take things for granted. When we were touring an average of almost 200 shows a year I thought I was miserable. This was partially due to our record label making us feel like failures if only 200 people came to a show, but when the band broke up and I worked a day job I was more miserable than ever. I'm not saying anyone who works a day job should feel miserable; I'm just not wired for that. I've really just never been good at anything else but music. I don't even think about much else - music, family and God pretty much sums it up for me.

What does Grammatrain mean to you?

Paul: It's one of the few places I fit in, even if not entirely. Pete and Dalton and I are a lot different, yet somehow there's this amazing connection when it comes to playing music together. We have a great time hanging out too, deep conversation and lot's of laughs, which is funny because we come across like such a serious band, but behind the scenes we're actually quit silly.

When you look back on the first half of Grammatrain, what is the one moment or event that sticks out in your mind?

Pete: Having all our gear laid out in a parking lot in Memphis days before our first tour was about to start with no vehicle and no idea how we were going to get to our first show. I've probably never felt that much stress in my life...mostly because stressful things happen constantly on tour and you just learn to deal with them. We had zero experience with that kind of stuff then. It's funny how huge obstacles just become routine after a while.

Paul: There was a girl that decided NOT to commit suicide because of something that Pete said from the stage. That's pretty much the highlight of my career.

What is next?

Paul: Pete and I have talked a bit about some ideas for the next record, but if we tell you we'll have to kill you.

[twistedstorm]

all of the asks for the identity ones!!!!

I love you dear anon! Here we go!

If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? Read: The Duff and Acheron, Watch: Buffy and Charmed, Listen: To my entire ipod because you don’t really know me until you know my music.

Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who? I don’t think I have….

List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with. Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Willow (I am also a spazzy gay redhead). Charmed: Phoebe or Piper. Dark Hunter series (Sherrilyn Kenyon): Bride and Tory (one because Bride is a fellow chubby anxious girl who taught me that I’m worthy of love and that I am beautiful regardless of my size and Tory because she taught me that I can always be strong as long as a I believe in myself, fight for what I want, and have a couple of good friends at my back). The DUFF: Bianca (I just really feel for her and I understand her mind and I really resonate with her). There’s way more but I don’t feel like going on

Do you like your name? Is there another name you think would fit you better? Well I love Zeta, ever since I started going by it in real life I’ve felt much more like myself. I didn’t my birth name or anything, it just didn’t fit me anymore.

Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do? I mean I create art so I call myself an artist, I sing so I call myself a singer, I write so I call myself a writer, so yeah in that sense I do identify myself but what I do. 

Are you religious/spiritual? Not really I guess. I mean I used to be a Christian, and then I was agnostic, and then I was an atheist and now honestly I don’t really care. I believe in an afterlife and spirits and magic and that kinda stuff so take that as you will.

Do you care about your ethnicity? Dude I’m 50 shades of white so tbh not really, honestly as much as I’m proud in a way of being Dutch and Danish and Scottish it doesn’t really effect my life, I’m mostly just a Canadian.

What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? So many. Avril Lavigne, Gretchen Wilson, Shawn Mendes, Metallica, R5, there’s a lot.

Are you an artist? Definitely! I love to draw and I love to color stuff and sometimes I do watercolors and I like spray paint and I make stuff out of clay and I do a lot of little comics.

Do you have a creed? Don’t be an asshole to anyone unless they were an asshole first, in which case destroy them.

Describe your ideal day. Park date with my boys and then movie/tv show marathon with triad cuddling on couch and then falling asleep in comfy pjs. There’s also buttermilk cookies and lotsa ice tea and so many mushy things said.

Dog person or cat person? Both and also a tarantula person and a yizard (lizard) person

Inside or outdoors? Depends on how I’m feeling and where I’m gonna be. Like a day down at the river? Fuck yeah let’s go outside. Day inside cuddling with my boys? I’m never leaving that spot until forced to.

Are you a musician? Well I can sing pretty well (First soprano, I can make your ears bleed and sound like a creepy little girl in a horror movie if I want to) and I’m working on learning the guitar and the ukulele so yeah I’m a musician.

Five most influential books over your lifetime. Wicked Lovely-Melissa Marr, Acheron-Sherrilyn Kenyon, The Duff-Kody Keplinger, Night Play-Sherrilyn Kenyon, Maximum Ride-James Patterson. 

If you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same? Probably not, a lot of who I am is based around my anxiety and my family and the way I’ve lived my whole life. 

Would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”? Probably yeah, although I’m much more awkward and loud in real life and I talk a lot more I think. 

What’s your patronus? Fruit Bat or a dragon (the pottermore test can bite me)

Which Harry Potter house would you be in? Or are you a muggle? Slytherpuff but I’d rather live in the Slytherin dorm tbh….and silver and green look really good on me…..and I hate yellow

Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else? Dark Hunter world for the magic badassery and shapeshifting or Hogwarts because I just wanna be a fucking wizard dammit. 

Do you love easily? Not really….I like easily and sometimes I trust too easily but I don’t think I love easy (except when I met one of my two boyfriends and two seconds after meeting him my brain went “yeah that one, that’s yours, that’s your heart right there.” and then left me suffer for three years while I pretended that I didn’t love him, like I pretended so hard that I convinced myself I didn’t and then I yelled it at him in a library because I’m a dumbass) 

List the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. 1)Daydreaming elaborate scenarios usually with fictional characters. 2)Missing my boys/craving cuddles                                                           3)Re-watching shows/movies/youtube videos that I’ve already seen because I like them so much.                                                           4)Being gross and mushy with my boys, usually via text.             5)Planning out what I wanna write and thinking about writing and then not writing.

How often would you want to see your family every year? Most of them, honestly like once is good and only if it’s for my Great Grandma or there’s really good food. For my family that I actually like, I could see them every day and it would be fine. 

Have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone? Meet my boyfriend Jesse, less than a month after meeting each other we were finishing each others sentences and saying things at the same time and admitting to thinking the exact same things. Like we kicked ass at the one word story game in drama (you each say a word back and forth to create a story) because we knew exactly what the other was going to say before they said it so our stories were awesome and actually made some kind of sense usually. The mind meld still exists to this day by the way, we freak people out with it a lot. 

Could you live as a hermit? I basically live as hermit now….although I need internet and my phone to talk to my nerds….and I need my nerds…so I guess not

How would you describe your gender/sexuality? Genderfluid polyamorous panromantic demisexual. I don’t like picking just one of anything. Why would I have one gender when I can have like four, one of which is no gender at all and another of which is a weird mix of masculine and feminine at the same time? Why have one boyfriend when I can have two and be stupidly happy with them both? Why only be attracted to one gender when I can be attracted to them all? Why never feel sexual attraction or always feel sexual attraction when I can do both depending on how I feel? 

Do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”? Sometimes yeah, other times not so much. Disphoria doesn’t hit me as hard now that I’ve cut my hair short but it still gets me sometimes and it makes me hate my body. Bright side is that my general body image stuff is getting way better and I’m way happier in the body that I’m in lately and the more new stuff I figure out about my clothes and my hair and my makeup the more my body represents how I feel inside. Shapeshifting powers would be better but I’m doing the best with what I got.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin? Depends on the person and whether you mean like the negative way or the positive way. For instance for my boys it’s either a 0 or a 2, it was super easy. For some random asshole on the street? It’s like a 10, it’s not gonna happen.

Three songs that you connect with right now. 1) Head Over Feet-Allanis Morisette, 2) Fearless- Taylor Swift, 3) Safety Pin- 5SOS

Pick one of your favorite quotes. Not really a quote but a lyric “What a beautiful mess I’m in” 

Thank you again dear anon, this was really fun!

Feel free to send me more asks! Ask meme related or otherwise!

~ZZ