#to be telling the truth when she says the new sword is horrible and evil and must be destroyed (thru consumption obviously)

[shorthaltsjester]

i say this with all the kindness i can muster. the way some of y’all take with complete earnestness the statements made by characters who have been proven to be unsavoury/villainous/evil/(insert other suitable adjectives here) to be word-of-god factual is deeply concerning actually. like fiction is fiction and this is far from being an accusation about the morality of those who are curious about/compelled by the motivations of immoral characters. this is a deep concern i have for people who exist in a time where media of all kinds, fiction and nonfiction, is used to embed values in its audience. a concern i have for existing among people who don’t even question the truth/accuracy of statements made by the textual villains of stories before accepting them.

[agentrouka-blog]

"That was the night I stole up to his bed to give him comfort. I bled, but it was the sweetest hurt."- Sansa(ASOS VII). "I think Brandon liked the sight as well. A bloody sword is a beautiful thing, yes. It hurt, but it was a sweet pain."- Turncloak(ADWD). Both Lysa and Barbrey recalling about how they have sex with LF and Brandon to Sansa and Theon. Though LF love Cat and Brandon was engaged to her. Barbrey was again slighted when Ned, with who her father wanted to marry, choose Cat.

Hi there! :)

I wouldn't narrow it down to these two characters and their relation to Catelyn, exactly. The idea of "sweet pain" is one that connects many characters, sometimes in good and sometimes in bad ways. Sometimes sexual, sometimes otherwise.

I think, it ultimately comes down to GRRM wanting to emphasize the blurred lines when it comes to life. Not all pain is sweet, but not all pain is bad, either, and it's not always easy to tell the difference.

Melisandre invokes a false constant duality, an in escapable constancy of war.

"The way the world is made. The truth is all around you, plain to behold. The night is dark and full of terrors, the day bright and beautiful and full of hope. One is black, the other white. There is ice and there is fire. Hate and love. Bitter and sweet. Male and female. Pain and pleasure. Winter and summer. Evil and good." She took a step toward him. "Death and life. Everywhere, opposites. Everywhere, the war." (ASOS, Davos III)

But Meera Reed and Jojen insist differently:

"Oh, I do. My lord father told me about mountains, but I never saw one till now. I love them more than I can say."

Bran made a face at her. "But you just said you hated them."

"Why can't it be both?" Meera reached up to pinch his nose.

"Because they're different," he insisted. "Like night and day, or ice and fire."

"If ice can burn," said Jojen in his solemn voice, "then love and hate can mate. Mountain or marsh, it makes no matter. The land is one."

"One," his sister agreed, "but over wrinkled." (ASOS, Bran II)

If hate and love can coexist, contradicting and not contradicting each other, so can pain and pleasure, sorrow and joy, bitterness and sweetness. Not war but a mere multiplicity. Life is not that simply, not that black and white.

The Mystery Knight adds a similar example:

"This is the proper way to fill a pie," Ser Kyle sniffed, cleaning off his tunic. "The pie is meant to be the marriage, and a true marriage has in it many sorts of things—joy and grief, pain and pleasure, love and lust and loyalty. So it is fitting that there be birds of many sorts. No man ever truly knows what a new wife will bring him." 

The sentiment is all over the books, in good and bad ways. Often involving sex, but also in other moments that draw a special emphasis on life itself. The pain of breathing in icy air, but breathing nonetheless. The ache of straining muscles. Some pleasures come hand in hand with some pain. But also the pleasure that can mask harm and abuse. 

Marillion’s voice becomes even sweeter when mixed with pain and fear and sorrow in his imprisonment - a sweet voice in a bad man in a horrible situation. How can beauty thrive in this, born from this man? Well, it simply does.

Victarion claims this:

"Always." Life is pain, you fool. There is no joy but in the Drowned God's watery halls. "Do it." (ADWD, The Iron Suitor)

But Jon and Sansa, respectively, claim this:

It was so sweet and silly that Sansa had to laugh, despite everything. Afterward she was absurdly grateful. Somehow the laughter made her hopeful again, if only for a little while. Smiling, she let the music take her, losing herself in the steps, in the sound of flute and pipes and harp, in the rhythm of the drum . . . and from time to time in Ser Garlan's arms, when the dance brought them together. (ASOS, Sansa III)

Jon had to laugh. Even now, even here. Ygritte had been fond of Longspear Ryk. He hoped he found some joy with Tormund's Munda. Someone needed to find some joy somewhere. (ASOS, Jon X)

And I think you can tell with whom the author agrees.

[god-whispers]

mar 9

are we all children of God

"you are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do." john 8:44

awhile back a person of prominence spoke these words:  "we are all God’s children” and “there is a spark of divinity among every person on earth, and we all have to recognize that as we respect the dignity and worth of every person."  she spoke that statement when members of the ms-13 gang were referred to as animals; a gang who gleefully hack people to death with a machete.

i think one of the reasons we don’t "see" evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist.  we can’t imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone’s reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes.

but evil does exist and often it rules in the hearts of others.  evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention.  they twist the facts, mislead, lie, avoid taking responsibility, deny reality, make up stories, and withhold information.  they would gladly entangle you in their web.

they are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words.  you must judge them by their fruits.  evil hearts crave and demand control, and their highest authority is their own self.  they make up their own rules to live by.  they will gladly play on the sympathies of good-willed people - they have no conscience, no remorse.  they do not struggle against sin or evil.  they delight in it, all the while possibly masquerading as someone of noble character.  they delight in dealing pain and believe their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences.

if you cross paths with someone who exhibits these characteristics, it’s important that you confront them head on and not acquiesce in their behavior.  yes, the bible tells us to turn the other cheek.  it tells us to overcome evil with good.  it also tells us to not be overcome with evil.

grace is not always granted for clemency.  “before i was afflicted i went astray: but now have i kept thy word.” psa 119:67  the bible warns us saying, “let grace be shown to the wicked, yet he will not learn righteousness; in the land of uprightness he will deal unjustly." isa 26:10  the bible tells us that talking doesn’t wake up evil people, but painful consequences might.

remember, "satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light." 2 cor 11:14  he knows more true doctrine than you or i will ever know, but his heart remains wicked in spite of it.  why?  because although he knows the truth, he does not believe it or live it.  he has willingly chose to rebel.

please know it was not easy for me to write this.  i have struggled with God about it for days.  i feel so inadequate to discuss such a topic but i can only trust my Lord to take over and convey any message or warnings He wants to impart.  these are perilous times we live in and many "baby" christians need a mother hen to crawl under and be protected from the slings and arrows being tossed; from the lies and deception.  evil is out there and it is destroying as many lives as it can.

my heart always wants to see the best in everyone, but sometimes there is no best to see.  judgement is not ours but discernment is.  we know that, "though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.  for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds." 2 cor 10:3-4  to be forewarned is to be forearmed.  we wield the sword of the Spirit: "piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." heb 4:12

no we are not all children of God.  we are all His creation, but not all His children.  we have fallen too far into darkness.  but there's good news to be had.  "as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name." john 11:52

in closing, let me add: "many shall be purified, made white, and refined, but the wicked shall do wickedly; and none of the wicked shall understand, but the wise shall understand." dan 12:10  be wise!  we pray God to open their understanding and bring them into the light.  far be it from me that i should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for them - but neither will i cast my pearls before swine.  lead us, o Lord.  lead us in all your ways.  thine be the power and the glory forever and ever.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Knight in Shining Red Armor | Dante + Child!Reader (DMC 4)

A/N: Hey so this is a rewrite of one of my first (and only) DMC fic from like...2016. This takes place post-DMC 4

You can read the og one on my DeviantArt! But if you're here for the new one then I hope ya'll enjoy!

Summary: Child!Reader was taken under Dante's wing after being saved from a demon invasion, but even years later he hesitates to tell them what he truly is, fearing they'll resent him for his demonic heritage.

............

"Hey, um..Dante?"

"What's up, kiddo?" The red-clad devil hunter asked, though he wasn't completely paying attention to you. Rather he was sitting at his desk, feet kicked up as he was flipping through a magazine.

Meanwhile you were roaming around the shop, stopping only to gaze at the massive curved sword with glowing gems hanging on the wall behind him. He mentioned claiming many weapons--"Devil Arms" as they were called--from defeated demons, but you were curious about their names.

"Just wondering..what's that sword behind you called?"

"The Sparda. It sealed the barrier between the Underworld and human world. Nero went through hell and back, quite literally, to return it to me, so don't even think about touching......it?"

Dante put the magazine down as he turned to see you holding the Sparda in your small hands. You smiled triumphantly, but stumbled a bit before the blade accidentally slammed into the wooden floor, making you wince.

"Oops."

Yet your little act amused him, as he chuckled and shook his head. "You're a little too young to go devil-hunting, I'm afraid. But maybe one day you will."

"And maybe you can help pay off Dante's debt, too." Trish lightly joked as she entered the room, taking the giant sword from you and putting it back on the wall.

Her words were responded by a groan from the male, who went back to reading.

"Whatcha reading?"

Dante slowly lowered the magazine to see you sitting on his desk, but he just snapped it shut and tossed it into the trash, out of your line of sight. "Nothing that eyes like yours gotta see."

"Okay....ooooooh, what's this briefcase?" Hopping off the desk, you ran over to Pandora and crouched down to poke the skull emblem.

"Pandora. That baby can turn into six hundred and sixty six different weapons, but...right now we only have access to seven." Now he was feeling like an exhausted teacher on a museum trip, trying to explain each exhibit to his hyper first graders--the exhibits being his Devil Arms.

Yet as you ran around asking him about more of them, he couldn't help but see his childhood-self reflected in you. Just full of energy and never-ending curiosity and optimism.

Yeah..he definitely saw the resemblance.

Eventually you decided to leave him be and dash off to your room.

And only then did Dante drop his smile, sighing as he put both feet back on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair before dragging it down the side of his face tiredly.

"You know..you'll have to tell them eventually." Trish reminded.

"How, though? That kid's afraid of all demons..hybrids or not. I'm pretty sure saying "oh by the way the guy who rescued you is actually half-demon" is gonna send 'em running, and...I can't risk that." He shook his head, gazing at the jukebox in the corner.

"But I think [y/n]'s old enough to comprehend the concept of not all demons being evil," Lady chimed in after overhearing the conversation. "Just give it to them straight and I'm sure they'll understand."

As much as Dante wanted to argue, he saw that she had a valid point. But he still worried...

How would you react?

It's been a few years since he saved you from a Mega Scarecrow, though it turned out that more demons invaded your neighborhood, slaughtering everyone you knew and loved. And as he took you back to the shop to patch you up, he could see the terror in your eyes, any traces of innocence long gone.

No child should have gone through such a tragedy.

A tragedy that he was all-too familiar with.

After the defeat of the Savior, things have been looking up. You've regained your happiness as you lived in Devil May Cry and learned of Dante's tales of devil hunting, though the memories of that horrible night never truly left you alone.

Along with that, just seeing a demon is enough to make you run and hide, and you were terrified when you first met Nero and saw his demonic arm.

From that incident alone, Dante became extremely reluctant to tell you of his own demonic heritage.

He just didn't know if he's only hurting you more by keeping it hidden..

...............

Later that night, you were plagued by yet another nightmare. Different demons, same neighborhood...same deaths of your loved ones.

But in this one Dante got hurt, too. And you tried so hard to be brave for him, even shouting in the demon's face...but in the end you failed as it snatched you away, dragging you into the darkness of the Underworld before he could reach you.

Although you calmed down since awakening, you wanted to be sure he was alright.

So with what little moonlight shone in the shop's darkness, you located the worn sofa where Dante laid. He was engrossed in some TV program, though after sensing your presence his eyes flickered to you.

No words had to be exchanged in order for him to see what was wrong, as he sat up and patted the spot beside him. You smiled in relief and climbed onto the sofa, snuggling into his side as he wrapped an arm around you. "Th-Thanks, Dante."

"No prob. So uh..another nightmare, I guess?"

"Yeah, but..they hurt you, too and...I-I tried staying brave. I shouted at them to leave you alone and..they didn't listen. But...I think one of them looked scared of me."

"Wow." He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Gotta say I'm impressed."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Y'know demons are used to seeing kids scream and cry, not take a stand against them. Plus that's pretty epic of you to defend me, so thanks." With a smile, he ruffled your hair.

"You're welcome," you giggled a bit. "But..I really just wanna be as brave as you. I mean...Nero says you laugh at giant demons and tease them all the time. How do you do that without being scared?"

"Well..it comes with the business. Getting them riled up just makes the fight more fun. At least for me. You might think I'm crazy but if ya decide to hunt demons one day...you'll see what I mean."

"But until then, could I watch you fight one? Like a big bad one?"

"......."

"Dante?"

"..kid, there's a reason I never took you on any missions." Dante sighed, swallowing back the growing lump in his throat as he carefully planned his next words. "And how I always...bounce back from getting smacked by a demon tail. No human would be able to withstand that without some broken bones."

"Oh?" You tilted your head. "Then..how can you if you're human?"

"....because I'm not fully human."

As much as he wanted to shut up, he decided to tell you the truth once and for all, not sugarcoating anything:

He explained how his parents were a demon and human--a forbidden romance which resulted in himself and Virgil being born. His bloodline allowed them to blend in with humans, exercise their demonic abilities in battle, and even tap into their true demon forms.

All the while you listened silently, with not much emotion on your face. So it was hard for him to tell what you were probably thinking in this moment.

It scared him.

"...and that's it." He sighed, closing his eyes and looking away from you. "So go ahead and hate me if you want. I won't blame you for-"

"Can you show me?"

Dante blinked stupidly as he swung his head back towards you, wondering if he heard you right.

"I...wish you told me before, but I don't wanna be scared of demons anymore." You smiled a tiny bit as you elaborated. "Especially not one who helped me. So...can I see your other form?"

"...a-alright. Just...if you get scared I can turn back instantly, so don't freak."

"I won't."

He had doubts you'll keep your word, but he got up and activated his Devil Trigger form. As he opened his eyes, you gasped upon seeing how much they were glowing--being orange rather than blue. Red electric sparks danced around his metallic body as he observed you close, anticipating your reaction. He expected you to scream or cry.

Yet..there was only curiosity and wonder in your eyes.

"Scared yet?" He asked in his distorted voice, crouching down in front of you.

Not even the way he spoke startled you, as you just shook your head. "I was wrong all along..not all demons are bad."

"Not even this one?"

"Nope. You look awesome..like a knight in shiny red armor."

"...wow..I um...." For once, the talkative devil hunter was at loss for words. But when you learned forward to hug him around the neck, he was completely shocked.

Earlier in the day he thought of countless worse-case scenarios, and yet...the best-case was happening right now.

You were accepting him, hugging him even.

He couldn't believe it.

Dante smiled as he wrapped his arms around you, making sure his armor spikes didn't hurt you. "Thanks, kid. It really means a lot that you're not terrified anymore........[y/n]?" He was concerned about your lack of response, before realizing you were dozing off.

'Damn..I might make a pretty good dad, after all..' He mused, standing up and making the trek back to your bedroom. Then he set you down and tucked you in, relief and warmth in his heart.

He had a feeling that your nightmares won't be so bad anymore. Now he felt like he could truly protect you.

Why?

Because he was gonna be your knight in shining red armor.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

"Jeez, man. Quit clanking around shit and---AH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!"

"Shhhh! Chill out, Nero. You'll wake 'em." Dante was quick to shift back to his human form once he was outside your room, glaring at his nephew. "Why are you so freaked out? This ain't the first time you've seen my devil form."

"But still..why in the middle of the night?! Thought we had company."

"...just go back to bed, kid."

"Don't call me kid!"

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[ashesandhalefire]

would love to hear your complicated feelings on the michael/sanders scene in context!

okay so this is messy because my thoughts are still a little all over the place, but the issues i had were specifically with the new power reveal, and they were basically 1) the way they've handled the pod squad gaining new abilities, and 2) the decision to give michael in particular this ability and backstory

i wish the reasoning was more nuanced and meaningful but a lot of it is just "i don't vibe with this" and "i think it's dumb" lmao

so i'm starting to get less and less impressed with how they're rolling out this "aliens can have more than one skill" idea. sometimes the concept comes across as Very Sexy but the execution less so. i wanted to actually see them learning these new skills. i wanted to see them tutoring each other and practicing and doing stuff wrong and getting frustrated and feeling weird trying to learn powers that are different from the ones that have been a part of them for their whole lives. but isobel's telekinesis was really the only new skill that got any screen time, and i think michael was only sort of grudgingly there for one scene of it. healing hasn't been mentioned (to my recollection?), and mindscape practice has been mostly off-screen and it seemed more about deflection in case they were pulled into jones's mindscape and less about learning to influence people. and now it's starting to feel like we're just sort of rolling out new full-fledged abilities left and right. like, there are really only three or so, but it feels like oprah is behind the scenes going YOU GET A POWER AND YOU GET A POWER and doesn't feel as organic as i'd like it to feel. and at least reading auras and telepathy have mindscape vibes and feel like natural extensions of that power. but why is firebending now a whole new subset of powers? what are the limits of these alien abilities? how many more undiscovered powers are there? and that's not even mentioning the proficiency with swords. that feels like a decently unique kind of weapon to fight with, but it doesn't require any practice. we just dig that sucker up and the spirit of mom says "fuck 'em up, girlie." who cares if jones has been fighting with it for decades (centuries? i'm unclear on the length of this guy's life lol). he's not good enough to beat a really motivated novice. anyway! now we're saying that michael has secretly been able to jump into heads and control people for ten years but he doesn't use the power because he's terrified that it makes him evil and his siblings will be disgusted with him. and despite the fact that he hasn't practiced this power in ten years, a large part of the "beat the bad guy" plan hinges on his being able to overpower jones's control of the sheriff, meaning that the incident at eighteen isn't being looked at as a fluke when a new power manifests. we're just assuming michael has this fully developed mind control ability lying dormant in his brain. we lay out that michael did this thing, redefined his whole life by this new trauma, and, after a quick pep talk with his pseudo-dad, has processed his fears of his inherent evil enough to confess to his siblings and subject himself to using the power. all in like six minutes of screen time. and his siblings are entirely unaffected by this. they're not like... what??? you lied about a secret power for years??? they're just like [PSA voice, mentor putting a hand on mentee's shoulder] you could never be bad, michael. we love you. and then he DOESN'T EVEN DO IT. he just hops into the mindscape like anyone else could've done and says "pls don't shoot my friends :(" and the sheriff says okay and stops "letting" jones control her. why was this a good way to roll out this new power??? so the whole point of the reveal that michael has this mind control power apparently didn't even have anything to do with the sheriff subplot because he didn't actually use this power to resolve that problem. for now - until it comes back again, which based on some of the other subplots this season is not a guarantee - it was just to heap more trauma on his shoulders and legitimize this "woe is me, i'm a horrible monster!!" yarn they keep trying to spin without actually showing him do anything Truly Bad or Mildly Morally Gray. the sanders conversation is a rehashing of the alex convo from earlier where someone has to insist to michael that his genetics don't make him inherently evil. and the alex one was more effective for me because it was in the immediate aftermath of this massive revelation about who his father was AND michael

thought he was about to get murdered. he was spinning out. but having it happen again like eight episodes later - after michael still hasn't actually done anything to lend some legitimacy to his fears that his bloodline is Unavoidably Evil - doesn't have the same emotional impact. the worst things michael has ever done with his powers were shown back in the first half of s1, and he's be almost entirely reformed since then. so to set up whatever michael/jones showdown must be coming our way, we get the introduction of this ability that michael has never even so much as hinted at having before, and we get the reveal that it has colored how he looks at himself since he was eighteen. what. michael saying that his religious extremist family tried to perform an exorcism on him and couldn't and dallas inferring that he started to believe he was the demon was a good exchange. we already knew about that incident, but michael played it off as no big deal during 1x06. the new conversation helps him to relate to dallas, finds them some common ground, establishes trust, and makes the true emotional depth of what happened to michael explicit. having michael redefine all of his emotional struggles for the last ten years through the lens of "actually i found out that i have the same ability as the alien that possessed my sister and made her kill three girls in front of me, and it has made me view myself as fundamentally evil since that day" is such a bad rewrite of his history. was the history of horribly abusive foster homes insufficient in explaining michael's self-worth issues? was being the victim of a hate crime not enough trauma? was the witnessing and covering up of two separate murders that derailed his entire academic future not enough to make michael question his own goodness or value? why would it be necessary to add this mind control element to really make him feel bad about stuff?

and if ANYONE was going to get a story that dealt with struggles with consent and mental control, why was it not isobel?? why was it not that holding the turquoise enhanced her abilities and enabled her to control people, and she was TERRIFIED of that because of noah?? her consent was violated horribly, and she has struggled horribly with respecting the consent of others. this needed to be her ability to develop and deal with! giving it to michael fully developed also feels like a very handwavey, last minute choice. if this was planned from the beginning, why is this the first that the audience has heard about it? he says he never mentioned it because of isobel, which explains why isobel and max don't know about it. but why doesn't the audience know about it? in s1, michael is adamant that liz leave town. if isobel couldn't get her to go, why didn't michael sneak off and make her leave? why didn't he force her to forget (if that's within the purview of the power)? sure, he doesn't like having this power. but he's also more than willing to sacrifice himself for his siblings. wouldn't a little unethical behavior be worth saving them from experimentation? also if michael has been able to force people to do things all along, where was that energy when alex got kidnapped? why is torturing flint in a basement less inherently evil than just compelling him to tell the truth or compelling helena to let alex and charlie go? i know not everything can be planned from the beginning. but there was no reason this power had to be written like this. it didn't have to be something michael knew he had. but they chose to insert it into his history, and i feel like that was a bad call. - positives about the scene dad!sanders supremacy michael needs a dad figure who's like "you're a good person, you dumbass" and straight up LAUGHS at his assertion that he's evil.

[bestworstcase]

tired of ‘it doesn’t make sense for cass to trust zhan tiri’ takes 

cass is a cautious person with a good instinct for danger which yes means that for most of the show she is indeed the ignored voice of reason saying ‘hey this OBVIOUSLY SKETCHY situation is sketch’ YES

but

in the latter half of 2 she is mutilated by her friend, blamed for it, made to apologize for her own injury, denied any space to feel hurt or upset or angry about this, and literally told ‘you should know we never listen to you!’ when she gets mad about yet another instance of her saying ‘this seems sus’ only for them to literally walk out on her mid-sentence without even acknowledging that she’s speaking. 

cass tries again and again to communicate her feelings and every single time she’s brushed off or scolded or belittled by her friends. her friends have so little respect for her that by the time they hit the hoyt the aren’t even pretending anymore. this hurts her, terribly

then - ok listen. take off the ‘zhan tiri is a horrible evil monster’ goggles put aside your entrenched preconceived biases against this character for a minute. 

what is the first thing zhan tiri does when cassandra meets her?

cassandra hears a voice calling her name. following it leads her here, to a disembodied (disemwalled?) door in some sort of enchanted forest. this is one of those obviously sketchy situations that instantly puts cassandra on her guard: she draws her sword while getting her bearings. 

[sidebar: those light-and-dark green swirls on the forest floor look an awful lot like the clouds in the lost realm, don’t they?]

then: 

ZHAN TIRI: There you are, Cassandra!

[Cassandra looks around, sees Blue, and lowers her sword slightly in confusion. Blue approaches her.]

ZHAN TIRI: I’d nearly given up on you.

CASSANDRA: [shaken] Who- who are you?

ZHAN TIRI: A friend. Or, at least—I’d like to be.

cass at this point is baffled but still on her guard - she holds her sword in a low guard and she’s physically leaning away from the unsettling ghost child. 

more important here is zhan tiri’s opening gambit. ‘a friend, or at least i’d like to be.’ she’s dodging the question of what her name is, yes. but also the second part of that statement implies a correction of the first, an acknowledgement that they are not friends and becoming friends is contingent on whether cassandra accepts her overtures of friendship; there is, in saying ‘at least i’d like to be,’ an implication of acknowledgement of and respect for cassandra’s personal boundaries. this is not something cassandra has ever experienced before. contrast it with rapunzel’s aggressive, domineering pursuit of cassandra’s friendship in beginnings.

continuing: 

ZHAN TIRI: Come.

[She leads Cassandra away from the door, deeper into the enchanted forest. Though hesitant, Cassandra sheathes her sword and follows.]

CASSANDRA: Wherever you’re taking me had better have a blonde princess.

note how the blank confusion on cassandra’s face hardens into a glare the instant zhan tiri says something that could be construed as a command. cassandra has two years worth of experience in the minefield that is friendship with someone in a position of authority and power over her so of course she bristles at this. i think it is also not coincidental that she refers to rapunzel in response.

but there is also a second dynamic at work here. for two years cassandra’s whole life has been locked into orbit around the blinding sun of rapunzel, and even before then by nature of her existence in the palace as a young girl only a little older than the lost princess she would have spent her childhood in the shadow of a child who wasn’t even present. zhan tiri is the first person cassandra has ever met who is flat out indifferent to rapunzel’s existence. even in vardaros, where cass was better liked by the populace than rapunzel, the people still focused on rapunzel - they disliked her, and they cared enough to make sure she knew it. 

but zhan tiri does not give a single fuck about rapunzel. she ignores cassandra’s attempt to make rapunzel relevant to this conversation. she called out for cassandra. she has been waiting for cassandra. she has something she wants to show cassandra. she wants to be cassandra’s friend. rapunzel just...doesn’t matter to her, but cassandra does. and that is disarming, both in the figurative and literal sense. so cass puts her sword away and goes to see whatever it is that this strange child wants to share with her. 

[They reach the forest’s edge and enter the memory. Cassandra is startled, struck by the familiarity of this new setting.]

CASSANDRA: This place... feels familiar?

[Blue takes her by the hand and leads her into the cottage. She remains silent, allowing Cassandra to take it all in, until Baby Cass enters with her music box.]

ZHAN TIRI: Do you recognize that child?

[Her prompting makes it click for Cass that she’s watching herself as a child.]

again, set aside your knowledge that zhan tiri is an evil villain and your instinctive distrust of everything she says and just... take a look at this screenshot. what does it look like if you take what zhan tiri says in this sequence at face value? 

this is a horrible memory. zhan tiri knows precisely what it entails, because she is the one who dredged it out of cassandra’s mind and set it up for her to experience again. cassandra, however, has only just recognized her younger self and has no idea what’s coming. it’s going to hurt her so badly when she remembers everything—but this is an experience she needs to confront in order to heal from the damage it did to her. so much of her suffering can be traced back to this defining, forgotten moment of her childhood.

we the audience know that zhan tiri doesn’t care, doesn’t have any real interest in genuinely helping cassandra, isn’t revealing this memory to her out of the goodness of her heart - but all cassandra knows is that this is a strange ghost who expressed a desire to be friends and has brought her here to, apparently, show her a childhood memory she forgot. so erase your audience knowledge from your brain for a second and look at zhan tiri’s expression here.

she looks weary. sad, even. she looks like someone who truly values cassandra’s wellbeing, who knows that reliving this memory is going to hurt, who’s showing it to cassandra anyway because she thinks cassandra deserves to know and she understands that this is the root cause of cassandra’s pain and that in order to grow and heal it must be seen, it must be acknowledged, it must be examined.

and that is the impression of zhan tiri’s character that cassandra walks away from this experience with. someone who saw her, and saw her pain, and saw the deep festering forgotten wound of this memory buried under layers of repression and denial, and gently unpeeled those layers and brought that wound to light, because she knew cass couldn’t heal from it if she didn’t know it was there.

moving on: 

[Baby Cass approaches Gothel with the music box, only to be coldly brushed off.]

CASSANDRA: ...That’s my...

ZHAN TIRI: Mother, yes. It is.

[Skipping transcription of the remainder of the flashback; what matters is that Blue exists the scene at this point. She isn’t just standing quietly in the corner; she is fully gone, leaving Cassandra by herself to experience the rest of the memory.]

again - obviously zhan tiri knows what happens in this memory, but that isn’t the point. by staying just long enough to help cassandra put this memory into context and then leaving, she gives cassandra complete privacy to process what she is seeing and feel whatever emotional reactions she has to it and express those feelings openly, without any of the reservations she might have about having a breakdown in front of a ghost she met a few minutes ago.

again, contrast this to the way rapunzel treats cass. in under raps, when cassandra tells rapunzel that she’s dealing with ‘some stuff’ and asks rapunzel to wait until she’s ready to share, rapunzel’s response is to stalk her. in RATGT, cass tells rapunzel that she feels disrespected and unwanted and rapunzel brushes her off. in RDO, when cass is mad because rapunzel’s reckless choices resulted in cassandra’s hand being mutilated, rapunzel is furious and backs cassandra into a corner in an attempt to force her to share her feelings and then get over it so things can go back to normal.

how soothing, then, must zhan tiri’s quiet departure must be for cass? how comforting, how much of a relief must it be to have this new person recognize by herself that cassandra needs a moment alone and give that to her without cass even needing to ask?  

there is, i think, a direct line of causation between zhan tiri exiting this scene and cassandra crying for the first time in the entire series afterwards while zhan tiri comforts her. cass doesn’t cry, right? even when she thinks rapunzel is going to be trapped as a bird forever, she stops herself from crying. she doesn’t cry when her hand is burnt in the great tree, not even from physical pain. she doesn’t cry in RDO. 

but zhan tiri is the only person in the whole series who shows consideration for cassandra’s emotional boundaries, so when cassandra is upset after reliving this memory, she freely allows herself to cry, and she lets zhan tiri comfort her. 

because it’s safe. so much blame is heaped upon cass for not being more open with rapunzel, but the thing is - a) cassandra is a lot more open with rapunzel than most of the fandom gives her credit for, and b) rapunzel is not a safe person for cassandra to be emotionally open with because she tramples boundaries, doesn’t listen, routinely chooses to hear only what she wants to hear, and never acknowledges or apologizes for any of the hurt this causes cass. 

which segues us into this:

ZHAN TIRI: I’m sorry that happened to you, Cassandra. Sometimes the most painful truths are the most difficult to remember. You’ve always felt outshined by Rapunzel, haven’t you? And you always will, unless...

in this statement, zhan tiri: 

1 - expresses sympathy for the trauma cass suffered

2 - empathizes with the pain she feels right now

3 - connects the dots between her past trauma and present angst

4 - verbalizes her fear that this pattern will never change

and

5 - offers to help.

zhan tiri is, once again, the only character in the whole series who does these things. in s1, rapunzel does occasionally try to be emotionally supportive of cassandra - under raps and big brothers of corona are the big examples here - but the way she goes about it tends to do more harm than good. in UR she runs roughshod over cassandra’s clearly stated boundaries and continually escalates to the point of actual literal stalking; in BBoC she utterly disregards cassandra’s statements vis a vis how rapunzel can help in favor of doing a bunch of other things that rapunzel thinks cass should want, and in the process she actively interferes with cassandra’s rest and makes her recovery experience worse.

in contrast, zhan tiri gets it. she is absolutely correct in her perception of the situation: cassandra has been trapped in this pattern of inferiority to rapunzel her whole life. her mother abandoned her for rapunzel, and everyone in her life now is willing to sacrifice cassandra’s needs, her feelings, her physical health on the altar of Rapunzel’s Destiny, and that will never change if she continues on as she has been. and... if cass tried to simply leave, by herself, do you really, truly, honestly think rapunzel would let her go?

she feels trapped because she is trapped, and she’s desperate for a way out, and zhan tiri sees that, understands that, and most important of all, shows her a way out.

so like

when she walked through that door in the house of yesterday’s tomorrow cassandra was a heap of emotional pain and unfulfilled emotional needs—for respect, for compassion, for basic consideration of her boundaries, for someone to see how much she’s hurting, for space to feel things without being asked to sacrifice more of herself for somebody else, for someone to care about her and what she needs and thinks and feels and wants, for an escape from the toxic inescapable dumpster fire of her life—and in the space of maybe a couple hours zhan tiri answered every. single. one. 

cassandra entered this situation expecting trouble, and instead she got someone treating her with dignity and compassion for the first time ever sO OF COURSE CASSANDRA TRUSTS HER!!

it beggars belief that the show expects me to believe she never bothered to ask what her new friend’s name was between this point and OAH, and yes, if cass were in a healthier place or surrounded by less toxic people then i’m sure she’d be more inclined to be suspicious of the weird little ghost child who reached into her head and pulled out a suppressed memory. but nevertheless it does, in fact, make sense for cass to conclude after this experience that blue is trustworthy and really does care about her and is a better friend to her than rapunzel. 

tts was allergic to acknowledging the legitimacy of cassandra’s grievances in any way after s2 and refused to allow zhan tiri even a modicum of depth as a character so the vast majority of their relationship exists off-screen, which is, yes, deeply frustrating and does a huge disservice to both characters and to the overarching plot of the season. but “why would cass trust her?” is a question the series answers, on screen, in spades. 

[strawbunniiee]

A Girl and a Ghost Ch. 4: The Truth

S O this one was VERY FUN TO WRITE MY GOD

i really hope you enjoy this aaa

@salamifuposey @monsterbride99 here ya go :D

The deafeningly silent night was ominous, with a pearly white full moon hanging in the sky. Phantom's gramophone showed slightly in the moonlight as he rushed through the forest, as fast as he possibly could.

He knew he had to get to King Boo's manor before anything terrible happened to Peach.

This time, however, he didn't want Jawaii with him. He didn't want her to be harmed, or possibly even killed. But at the same time, he didn't know how she was going to deal with this pain if he was destroyed. After all, she was only so young... How could she deal with the loss of the only friend she had?

But Phantom did not want her dead either. He wanted her to live on and grow to adulthood at least.

His gramophone heart pounding in anxiety, thoughts racing, he hurried through the forest.

He finally arrived. The manor loomed over the forest casting a shadow over it.

Phantom took a deep breath. Then, he entered the mansion, ready to meet his fate.

———

Meanwhile, Jawaii was scurrying through the dark woods, tears filling her eyes.

The Peek-A-Boo was attempting to chase her down to get her to stop. But it was all in vain. Even if she was caught by the Peek-A-Boo she still wouldnt give up. All she wanted was to rescue her friend.

Her only friend.

She knew that after everything Phantom did for her, the happiness he had helped her find, finding out that someone out there wasn't afraid of her and cared for her... she had to return the favor.

She tripped over and fell into the darkness and let out a scream, but she got up, albeit with a scraped knee. The pain hurt badly.

She began to cry a bit from the pain, but she still ran on through the darkness.

Nothing was going to stop her.

After much running, she finally reached the manor.

She stared at it in horror, wondering if Phantom was already confronting the king. Or worse, what if he was already...? ...No, that couldn't be it.

Why am I staring at this place like an idiot. thought Jawaii. I'm such a COWARD! My own best friend could possibly be dying right now, but I can't even come in because I'm too much of a chicken.

Jawaii transformed her hands into swords (a skill she inherited from her father) and slowly walked into the mansion, ready to take King Boo on, prepared to rescue her friend.

If she couldn't rescue him... well, at least Phantom would have company if King Boo decided to hurt him.

The mansion was dark and dusty, and very cold. There were thick cobwebs everywhere, and everything smelled extremely old.

She took slow steps, shivering in fear.

Maybe this was a stupid idea. Jawaii thought. Maybe that Peek-A-Boo was right. But hey... it's too late now.

She walked around, looking for where Phantom could possibly be. She looked under tables, in closets, yet she couldn't find him. She began to break a cold sweat. Where was he.

She went to the second floor and looked there, in each and every room, each nook and cranny. Still, no dice.

However, when she got to the third floor she finally found him, on the floor quietly sobbing.

She turned her hands back to their normal selves and happily ran over to Phantom and gave him a big hug.

Phantom looked horrified at the fact that Jawaii was here, but also slightly pleasantly surprised. He suppressed that feeling as much as he could.

"I'm so happy you're alive..." whispered Jawaii.

"J-Jawaii, first and foremost, I know you had good intentions, but please... you should not have followed me here. I don't want you getting harmed. That's why I came here alone and didn't tell you. I want you to be safe. You have a long life ahead of you and it would be beyond horrible if it was simply just snuffed out before that. Second of all, how did you even know I was here...?" Phantom whispered back, concerned and shaking.

"One of the Peek-A-Boos told me and I knew I had to go help you. I just wanna help you... And make sure that you don't get hurt or worse." Jawaii answered. "I just wanted to help you..."

"Please leave this place, Jawaii. I'm sorry... I can't risk losing you to him." Tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm not leaving this place until we save her." Jawaii insisted. "Besides, my mom always told me, "Teamwork makes the dream work.""

Phantom caved in. "...I suppose I will allow you to help me. But the moment you get hurt, or he attempts to harm you, I am taking you away from this awful mansion. I am doing this because I want you to be unharmed."

Jawaii grinned. "I won't be the one getting hurt. King Boo sure is though."

Phantom slightly chuckled a bit. "Confident, are we now?"

Jawaii turned her hands into swords with an almost maniacal grin. Phantom looked a bit surprised. "Did you ju-"

"Yeah. I can have sword hands. My dad taught me how, but you're a bunny, so I dunno if I could teach you. though..." said Jawaii.

"Anyway enough rambling, let's kick this guy's ASS." Jawaii grinned.

Phantom sat there in shock. Did she just say what he thought she said?

She giggled at Phantoms dumbfoundedness and ran up the stairs. Phantom quickly snapped out of it and rushed to go in front of her, as if to protect her.

They had a small conversation on the way up.

"...I can't help but feel like this place is just so... familiar to me. I've never been in this part of the manor however." Phantom noted.

Jawaii cocked her head. "Whaddya mean by that?"

"Almost as if... I've been to this place many, many years ago. ...Perhaps it's just me."

After ascending up each floor, they finally made it.

There it was.

The attic door, and beyond it was where King Boo resided.

With Peach.

"Well... this is it." whispered Jawaii.

Phantom's heart began to race. "...I'm starting to regret having taken you up here with me. If you get hurt, it will be my fault."

"No it won't. I promise you, I won't get hurt." she promised.

Phantom took a deep breath. He slowly opened the attic door and phased through it.

Jawaii scurried up a ladder.

———

The attic was dimly lit, the dust and cobwebs were even worse than the first floor. It was clear that this place had not been touched in years, decades even.

King Boo hovered over Peach's unconscious body, preparing to turn her into a painting. It appeared he had knocked her out so she wouldn't try to escape.

Phantom gasped in horror, but his fear turned into anger. "Unhand her." he said.

The king turned around. "So I see you came along to save your beloved little princess, Tommy."

"Do not call me that. I said to UNHAND HER." Phantom's once blue eyes faded into a piercing red color.

King Boo scoffed. "What, do you really expect me to just GIVE her to you just because you said so?" He just laughed. "I'm afraid that just isn't how we do things in this manor, Tom."

Jawaii came out from behind Phantom.

"It's me again, ASSHOLE." Jawaii said. She turned her hands into swords again. She menacingly stared King Boo down. For a little girl, she could certainly be intimidating if she wanted to.

King Boo simply laughed in her face. "YOU- YOU THINK THAT'S INTIMIDATING? YOU THINK YOU'RE SCARING ME?"

That just made Jawaii angrier.

"Don't worry, because I have something that'll scare you. A little story. And it's a true one." King Boo had a malicious grin on his face.

"Once upon a time, there was a talentless, ugly, but rich man. He just loooved Princess Peach so much, he just adored her and wanted to be with her for the rest of his days. But there was a also a plumber. The plumber always saved the day, always rescuing the princess from the evil Bowser. Every single time, the rich man always tried to save her, but  was just so talentless and idiotic that the plumber always beat him to the chase. The plumber was always celebrated for his heroic feats, but the rich human's halfhearted attempts had always gone unnoticed. He was spoiled as well, he was rich, had everything he ever wanted but was still unhappy."

"Then one day, I decided to kidnap her for a change. Stir up a bit of trouble, you know? Then, for once the man came first this time. He tried to stop me and save the princess, but I killed him easily. I sealed his soul away in an old gramophone and threw it away deep into Spooky Trails, never to be seen again. Until now, anyways."

King Boo grinned even bigger, his twisted smile stretching across his entire face. Then he got up close to Phantom.

"Does this story sound familiar, Tom? Because this story... is about you."

"You were a human once, Tommy. And I killed you."

Phantom was staring in complete shock, trying to process this new information. He was practically a statue, just stuck there like that, frozen in horror.

Jawaii, however, was full of inconceivable rage.

She leaped at the king and let out a shrill, ear piercing shreak, about to shred him to pieces.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Tokyo Love Story (Part 4) Izanagi and Izanami

This is information not really found in the game, so the story can get confusing for players. But the novels explain the lore pretty well. I hope you Enjoy!

@rurifangirl

In the Kabuki Theater, the translation screen above the stage showed the background information of the play. Kazama Ruri played the mother goddess Izanami of Japan - this new mythological play was about the divine marriage and subsequent rebellion between the father god Izanagi and the mother goddess Izanami.

Chance leaned over. “Have you ever heard of this myth?”

You shake your head, completely clueless.

“Since we’re here alone, no one can mind us whispering.” Chance leaned in close and started to speak, his voice a soft murmur in your ear.

“Cast your mind back, all the way to the ancient past. Before there were humans or any civilization, there were only two siblings.  Izanagi means ‘He who Invites’ and Izanami means ‘She who Invites’. These two deities were said to be the creators of Japan and the other gods.”

He wraps one arm around you. “So… while in Takamagahara -- what you might know as The Heavens at the time -- they were assigned to create land out of the chaos of earth, and to create other gods to rule the newly made lands. There was a series of rituals they had to perform to make this happen. For example, while on the Ame-no-Ukihashi, which means ‘the floating bridge of heaven’, they were to churn the sea with a special spear, and with the water that dropped from the tip of the spear, they created the islands of Japan.”

“To create more gods… well…” He tipped his head and leaned in closer. “It’s the same way humans make babies. You know when two creator gods love each other very much…”

You laugh and lean away. “I was wondering when you’d start flirting.”

Chance feigns innocence. “What?! I’m telling you the truth. That’s the story. Anyway, things are going well, they have land and kids. They’re a happy family. But then something terrible happens. Izanami gives birth to the fire god, Kagutsuchi. Izanami suffered horrible burns, fell ill and gradually died. So Izanagi buried Izanami on Mount Hiba and her spirit descended down to Yomi-no-Kuni, which is the underworld, where all spirits, good or evil, go.”

And this is where Ruri Kazama, as Izanami, is now, his face white as a ghost. His ornamental long Kimono filled the stage floor, but rather being a thing of beauty, the magnificent clothing depicted maggots and skeletons. It was as if he were wearing all of Hell on his back.

As the play progressed, Chance continued. “Now we will see the parts of Izanagi. You see how the actor is walking around as if looking for something?” 

The actor for Izanagi is dressed in beautiful gold and jewels. The stage is dark save for the spotlight he’s in. Then a sharp tap of a drum! Another spotlight turns on. And you see Ruri Kazama as Izanami standing with her back turned to him.

“The Fire God Kagutsuchi was killed by Izanagi, who was truly devastated at the loss of his wife. He decided that he could not part with Izanami, and now, he’s journeyed into the underworld, Yomi-no-Kuni. Now he’s at the gates of Yomi.”

Ruri Kazama begins to sing, a fluttering soft and mournful tune. His voice is like a sweet trembling flute in your ears. Even though you don’t know the words, you can tell that she really loves Izanagi. Izanagi responds boisterously and boldly to that sweet tender voice.

“Now, Izanami is shrouded in darkness and Izanagi cannot see her clearly. He’s trying to get her to come back with him, but she’s telling him that she’s already eaten food in the underworld and now cannot leave it, but she will plead to the Lord of Yomi to be released. But… and this is important. Izanagi has to wait and not look at her at all.”

The scene changed to a more domestic setting of a house. But the whole stage is dark. Izanagi can barely see anything and neither can the audience. There’s even a humorous moment where something runs across Izanagi’s foot and he wails in terror, knocking over a cup! 

Then everything is silent for about three seconds.

On the stage, someone lights a match. You gasp and nearly leap out of your chair. “No!” You squeak. “Izanagi, what are you doing?!”

The lights of the stage suddenly turn on. The stage was full of actors and Izanami was right there on stage. Ruri Kazama throws back his head and wails a single piercing note! The other actors, dressed like skeletons and maggots, point at Izanagi accusingly and sing low and harsh tones at him. 

“Izanami is rotting, covered in maggots and surrounded by death.”

The Izanagi on stage cowers away from his wife and stumbles away from her while she reaches for him with one ghastly white bony arm.

“She’s yelling at him for what he’s done as he’s running away from her. And she’s sending the denizens of the underworld to chase after him. They’re gaining on him, so now he’s using his powers to escape and slow them down. Now he’s reached the exit and he’s barricading it with boulders to seal it. Now watch.”

Ruri Kazama as Izanami stands on the other side of the boulders, still wailing with anger and betrayal at her husband. Izanagi, still boisterous, gestures wildly and thrusts his hips vulgarly at her.  “She’s saying, for leaving me here, I will kill 1,000 people every day. And he’s saying, ``Well, I’ll make 1,500 people every day!”

“He’s a jerk!” You hiss. “Poor Izanami…”

Chance chuckles. “You’re really cute. This is a common myth in Japan, but it’s nice to see someone react to it the first time.”

“So are they divorced now?” You look up at him, smirking.

“Yeah pretty much.” He covers his face.

Warm golden lights enveloped the stage, symbolizing the switch from the dark land of Yomi-no-Kuni to the human world, and Izanagi, wearing a golden robe, appeared on stage. Wearing a carved wooden mask, he walked out in a perfect circle on the dance floor while chanting a poem in praise of his three children. “These three children, named Amaterasu, Tsukuyomi, and Susanoo, were born alone after his return from the Yomi-no-Kuni, and they had nothing to do with Izanami.”

“Izanagi ordered them to help him guard the world. Amaterasu was ordered to rule the Land of Gods, Takamagahara, while Tsukuyomi managed the Land of Night, and the ocean was given to Susanoo to manage. Izanagi gave Amaterasu the Yata no Kagami mirror, a symbol of the sun, and Tsukuyomi the Yasakani no Magatama, a jewel symbol of the moon, and then gave his sharpest sword, the Ame-no-Ohabari, to his youngest son, Susanoo.”

While this happy familial scene was going on on one half of the stage, the abandoned Izanami sang mournfully in the background, alone in the underworld with nothing but ghostly women to comfort her. While Izanagi danced joyfully with the children in the foreground, Izanami cried and sang behind a black muslin curtain, the plain white human form repeatedly folded, seeing how sharp the pain of that abandonment was. 

You feel yourself tearing up. You can sympathize, only your situation is in reverse, the people you loved were in the underworld and you were the only one living. “Poor Izanami.” You turn to Chance and gasp. “Are you… crying?”

Chance wiped at his green eyes for a moment. “Yeah… I always cry at this part. Don’t mind it.” He points back to the stage. “Ah… his performances are really moving. It’s okay to cry.”

Unconsciously, you’ve been pinching yourself to keep your tears from falling. He pats your hands to get you to stop doing it.

“I’m not allowed to cry since I was little. Caesar says I only cry in my sleep.”

He tilts his head. “Who’s Caesar?”

“Aaah… oh um… It’s uh…” You were supposed to say BasaraKing! BasaraKing! How could you forget?

“Huuuh? You mean our little Main Character isn’t as innocent as she seems?” At your stricken expression he laughs. “I know who he is, I’m just messing with you. It’s rare for you to slip up though. That’s Kazama’s magic.”

He points back to the stage. “Now the story continues. The black curtain symbolizes the exit of Yomi-no-Kuni, which has been cut off forever, and Izanami who has fallen into the underworld forever, sings and dances to remember the divine marriage.”

“This scene is a memory of when Izanagi and Izanami first met.”

 There was a quick costume change and Ruri Kazama is now dressed as a goddess with a splendid crown on her - uh… his - head. He is walking to meet the beautifully crowned Izanagi. 

“They’re brother and sister, so they had to ask the gods to marry and have children. They said they would need to walk around the jade pillar and forget their identities and their life as siblings and meet each other on the road as just two beautiful strangers.”

The music swelled as the two actors passed each other on stage, Izanami gazing across the fan with flirtatious eyes at Izanagi and Izanagi pausing in his tracks to turn around and look at her back.

The lights on the stage dimmed at the warm scene and the curtain fell and lights went up for intermission. But no one moved. There was the clear sound of sniffling women and soft whispers. “I’m sad it ended so badly for them. Izanagi… what a stupid jerk.” You say.

“What do you think he should have done?” Chance asked.

“Well first of all, he shouldn’t have lit the match in the first place! But… if it had to happen, then… he should have stayed in the underworld with her. If he really loved her, he would have stayed.”

Chance nodded but then changed the subject. “So… why is this a new retelling of the old Mythology? It’s because this story actually starts to tell the history of the dragons and the Japanese Hybrids in the next half. You remember the kids?”

“Yeah I remember.”

“Those are the main characters in the second half. Now watch. I’ll try to explain.”

You smiled up at him. “I will listen carefully! There will be a test later!”

“Susanoo and Amaterasu don’t really get along, so he was banished from the Takamagahara and grew up to be a traveling hero, saving people from all sorts of troubles and monsters. One day, he came across a family who was being terrorized by a vicious 8-headed beast named Yamata-no-Orochi. This monster was so huge and heavy that it was like a mountain and barely moved itself. But it ate one daughter out of this family every year. They were down to their last daughter. The family begged Susanoo to slay the dragon and save their last daughter and offered her as a wife for him if he did so.”

Susanoo is dressed in beautiful armor with a magnificent sword. He dances and sings boisterously like his father.

“Susanoo turns the last daughter into a comb for temporary safe keeping and sets up a trap for the serpent using 8 barrels of sake. The snake gets drunk on the sake and falls asleep. Susanoo kills it. But in reality that’s not really what happened.”

This time, Ruri Kazama played the role of Yamata-no-Orochi. He had a scaly robe over his plain clothes. Chance leans in close to you. “Notice how he’s dancing. It’s the exact same as when he was playing Izanami!”

There was a lot of talk about what was going on onstage, which is a rarity among the Japanese audience, who have always been very particular about etiquette. The second half of the show was so bizarre that they couldn’t help it. The battle of the snake slaying was supposed to be a fierce encounter, but the audience was treated to a dance between a woman and a boy. 

Susanoo's sword repeatedly slashed at Ruri Kazama, bright red dye running along the scales. Eventually, Ruri Kazama collapsed in the center of the stage, and Susanoo knelt beside him with his sword raised high, pausing for a second, before stabbing him through the heart. The stage spews out cold fireworks on all sides, and in the midst of the flames, Susanoo rips off Ruri's outer robe, revealing a bloodied woman who lies still in the center of the stage in the light, like a fallen maple leaf.

You gasp and point. “That’s Izanami! She was inside the snake!”

Ruri Kazama begins to sing another mournful tune, once again playing Izanami.

"Tired and weary, the ghostly bones face the king.

 The way back home has been lost, looking back is pointless.

I look at the lonely city.

I still remember the good old days, and I hate the waters of the east.''

You look at Chance in a bit of confusion. “I… understand that Izanami is in the snake. How did she get out of the underworld?” 

“That is the great secret of the White King descendents. Izanami is the White King. She rebelled against the Dark King and it’s common knowledge that she was sent to the underworld, killed by him forever. But what people don’t know… is that Izanagi is a real man who went down to get her.”

His green eyes smiled at you. “Izanami offered him freedom and eternal life, if he took her blood and bones. Because by her blood and bones, she can be reborn and escape her fate. He believed her and took it from the Underworld, but he was so afraid of these artifacts, that he hid them in a well and sealed it. This was like betrayal. He was supposed to revive her but in the end, he left her behind.”

“When Izanagi got old and was close to death, he remembered their promise and returned to the well, in hopes of reviving the Light King and receiving her ability to live forever… but instead… he transformed into Yamata-no-Orochi and carried the White King inside his own body.”

“The White King had no intention of sharing her powers with Izanagi, she just appealed to his greed. In the end, Izanagi, now a monster, was killed by his son Susanoo. But the blood and bones got to him too. He started to turn into a new Yamata-no-Orochi. This time, Amaterasu and Tsukiyomi didn’t kill the snake but buried it and chained it down in the city of Takamagahara and buried the entire city in the bottom of a deep trench. So no one can ever retrieve the White King’s poisonous gift from the Body of Yamata-no-Orochi.”

A buried city at the bottom of the sea. You’d seen it and a whole bunch of monsters that came with it!

The original Yamata-no-Orochi is the incarnation of Izanami. Years later she returned to the world with a snake body, to get revenge for her husband’s abandoning her, but Susanoo ended her road to revenge. The so-called "New Retelling of the Old Tale” is actually the original retelling. It was true dragon history!

 The Dragon History is a deserted wife's revenge on her husband and the whole world he created. Although the revenge itself is evil, thinking about the pain she had suffered gave her a merciless heart. Ruri Kazama's costume is too beautiful and her song is too sorrowful, and a cloud of sorrow pervades the Kabuki theater, taking the audience between myth and reality in an instant.

 An excited Kabuki critic came on stage and embraced Ruri Kazama, exclaiming hoarsely that this was the most perfect Kabuki performance he had ever seen, and the audience burst into tears, with low sobs echoing through the audience like a tidal wave.

Chance suddenly stood up and took your hand. “We have to go. I have more to tell you but we can’t stay here. Come with me.”

“Where are we going? I want to go see BasaraKing and Ukyou.”

“We all have to go.” He pulled you into the dark hall and looked at you seriously. “Agents of Hydra will be here soon.”

[s-and-n-writes]

stolen smiles and little black lies

crimson and bluebell: part one 

summary: 

Marinette Rossi is tired of everything: from Lila's constant berating and Madame Rossi's preferential care of her 'angel-like' daughter, to how everyone at school (even Alya) seems to believe her evil stepsister over her.

It's like she's Cinderella, except without the fairy godmother and the happy ending. She doesn't even have a prince.

Or so she thinks.

Between the appearance of a new boy who seems to have captured her heart, and a gala run by her fashion idol Gabriel Agreste, Marinette hopes for an escape the constant ignorance, workload, and bullying she endures, and get a blissful life of her own.

With the help of one tiny god and a meow-velous partner, she might finally get a chance, but not everything is that simple.

They say ladybugs are lucky, so will being the elusive Ladybug bring Marinette the luck she oh-so-desperately needs?

quick links: 

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a/n: first chapter’s up! i hope you guys like it! if you wanna be part of the taglist for this, shoot me a message! :) 

It’s dawn when Marinette’s alarm rings.

The sun peaks through the attic window, frail rays treacherously passing through the glass as Marinette hits snooze for the third time.

She’s late, as usual, but that’s no surprise. 

By the time the sky swells with pink, and the silver stars littering the morning sky fade, Marinette’s alarm has gone off a fourth time, the shrill ringing and flashing salmon-red of the numbers cutting through the silence of the morning, as the girl in question finally wakes.

The pink sky changes into the warm undertones of peach and the rising sun peaks further out from the mountains when Marinette is ready. She ties back her midnight-blue locks of hair into twin tails on either side of her head with the two once-red bands she’d once found discarded in front of Lie-La Lila’s room. 

Lost, forgotten, discarded.

The words seem to sum her up perfectly. 

She heads down to the kitchen just as the peach sky cools into blue, the sun rising overhead to begin the new day, and she smiles as she gazes for a minute down the hallway window to the cobblestone streets below. 

The grin on her face quickly shifts into a frown once she heads into the kitchen.

Fortunately, preparation for breakfast finishes up quicker than usual, and the lovely smell of fresh-baked croissants waft through the house. Marinette takes this time to glance at her phone, a well treasured gift after months of working at the bakery. The phone is in no way one of the best, and certainly can’t compare to Chloe’s, but Marinette is happy with it, so the cracked screen and the faded case are overlooked.

It must be the croissants that make Madame Rossi to come downstairs, dark bags fresh under her eyes. Marinette feels sorry for her, knowing her long days and longer nights at the embassy, so she merely smiles as Madame Rossi sits into one of the dining room chairs, slumping gracefully on the cool-white tabletop. 

The embassy job pays well, though, and the house they are in proves that.

“Morning Madame,” Marinette says, pushing towards Madame Rossi a croissant laid delicately onto the new white plates. 

Lila’s mother is certainly her favorite Rossi, since Lila has some...tendencies that Marinette doesn’t like. Especially when they’re being used towards her, as they often are.

But even if Madame Rossi was the most tolerable of the Rossi family, Marinette knows that she has flaws. 

Madame tilts her head as she glances at the croissant, and then at Marinette, accepting the plate with a tired smile. 

“Good morning Marinette,” she says, nibbling gently on the croissant. “Have you seen Lila yet?”

Marinette bites her lip in frustration at the woman’s blatant love of her daughter. If Madame Rossi had truly wanted to see it, she would’ve found the holes in Lila’s fake personality years ago. 

 “N-no Madame,” she stutters. The topic of Lila always seems to make Marinette nervous, since the girl in question could be listening from anywhere. 

And since Marinette has had many an experience with calling Lila out, usually ending with purple-ish bruises covering inches of her skin, she does not want to make the same mistake again.

But it’s then that Lila appears in the living room, fake smile on par with the rest of her demeanor and carrying a small brown bag. Marinette notices how Madame Rossi immediately brightens: her skin glows, her eyes happily crinkle at the edges, and a smile replaces her forlorn frown.

It’s almost enough to make Marinette jealous. Lila has someone to lean on, someone who loves her, when she has no one. 

Marinette’s not blind. She’s seen how Madame Rossi looks when Lila comes into the room, versus her. She knows she’s adopted (as if the hair didn’t give it all away). It’s an unspoken truth in the family, and even if Marinette doesn’t know who her birth parents are, she supposes she’s ok with her family right now. 

Or at least, she hopes she is. 

Because she has no one else. 

Madame Rossi feeds her and clothes her, yes, but deep down Marinette knows she’s a burden; one that has to prove her worth to stay. It doesn’t matter that she works harder, or has a better personality, because Lila will always be painted as an angel in Madame Rossi’s eyes, and Marinette as the weight that the Rossi family shoulders.

Lila, however, is the variable that creates chaos for Marinette, as she spins and weaves lies like an intricate blanket to her advantage. Marinette is a pawn on her chess board, barely surviving as Lila throws obstacle after obstacle at her. After all, Marinette can still count the times Lila has been nice to her on one hand, even if the hand has no fingers.

“Good morning, Mother!” Lila greets, her perfect smile stretching across her face.

But Marinette had been there long enough. She always saw the flaws: the slight twitch in Lila’s eye, the scowl before the smirk, the smirk before the smile.

“Good morning Lila, dear, how are you? Did you get a good night’s rest?” Madame Rossi questions, the concern and genuine love clearly visible in her eyes. 

Marinette refrains from biting her already-bruised lip yet again, and walks towards the kitchen for a well-needed breath of fresh air. 

“I slept well, Mother,” Lila replies from the dining room, voice visibly louder to let Marinette hear, “Well, as well as I could, since Marinette’s snores drifted from the attic,”

“Oh dear,” Madame Rossi responds, turning around briefly to glance at Marinette with a look of despondency.

“I just get so tired when I don’t get my beauty rest. And God knows I need it, what with the insomnia the doctor diagnosed. I already look horrible!” Lila groans, adding in a perfectly timed yawn at the center of her sentence.

Ah yes. Marinette can perfectly remember the fake doctor’s visit, the fake doctor herself, and the fake insomnia Lila created.

“Lila, don’t say that about yourself. You are the most beautiful girl, and the best daughter. Insomnia is merely a setback that you can get over, just like anything else” Madame Rossi fondly says, “and as for your tiredness, perhaps you can take a nap after school today. Marinette can do your chores,”

Once again, Madame Rossi has perfectly catered to Lila’s needs, unknowingly belittling Marinette. After all, Lila is the real master around the Rossi household, dragging all others around like puppets on strings.

“Marinette, are you okay with that?” Lila questions, her eyes full of concern. If Marinette was new around the house, she might’ve allowed herself to believe her. But Marinette is not new; she’s been here for years, and she knows Lila too well. Her slightly narrowed hershey brown eyes and almost-sympathetic furrowed brows scream ‘do it or else!’, an obvious indicator that she has to agree.

Otherwise, things won’t end well...

“Yes, that is perfectly fine Lila, um, please go upstairs and rest,” Marinette says, adding on an ‘after breakfast of course’ after Lila subtly glares at her (likely thinking it’s a ploy to shoo her away). 

Lila smiles, and takes a seat at the large dinner table, crossing her legs and placing her hands over her lap. 

“Wonderful! Thank you Mother!” she smiles. “Now Marinette, where is my croissant?”

“Ah, uh, right here,” Marinette says, avoiding eye contact as she passes the croissant to Lila. Lila smirks in reply, and glances at her mother.

“So…” Lila pauses, considering how to proceed with small-talk, “how’s the er-the embassy?” 

“Doing well!” Madame Rossi smiles. “I actually have an event next week that I’d love for you girls to come to!” 

“Mom, I’m not quite sure I’m free…” Lila frowns. “But go ahead, tell me what it is,”

Marinette steps into the kitchen, listening intently as she brews a pot of coffee. The hot liquid nearly burns the pads of her fingers as she pours it into three cups, but it’s nothing she hasn’t felt before.

“Ah, well, there’s a gala that Gabriel Agreste is hosting,” Madame Rossi explains, taking a bite of her croissant.

“Gabriel Agreste, right?” Lila smirks, eyes training on Marinette, “I assume this is for, perhaps, new fashion designers? Maybe he wants to, um, I don’t know, scope out an intern?” 

The bluenette on the other side of the room twitches as she rubs her hands together, barely containing her excitement.

“Yes!” Madame Rossi grins, “You’re so smart Lila. Maybe we should move you up a grade-”

“Er-um, when would this be, um Madame?” Marinette cuts in. 

Madame Rossi raises an eyebrow. “Hold on Marinette. I’m not quite done explaining yet. No need to get so impatient,” 

“Yea,” Lila shrills evilly, glancing between her mother and her so-called sister as she quickly formulates a plan, “Hold on, Marinette. She’s just getting started,” 

There’s a double meaning behind Lila’s words, like the sharp edge of a sword being pressed against Marinette’s neck, quickly drawing out blood the color of cherry-red roses. It’s a warning, that Lila is the one just getting started, not Madame Rossi. 

Marinette chooses to shrink back, and stay silent in the moment, fear of Lila winning over her genuine excitement. 

Like always.

She’s used to it though. It’s ok.

Madame Rossi ignores Marinette’s suddenly startled breathing, and continues with her explanation. 

“The embassy has to get involved because this could make headlines, since Monsieur Agreste invited many of the world’s most famous fashion designers. If France gains tourists because of this, it could boost our economy,” Madame Rossi says as Marinette brings a pot of coffee to her. 

“That’s so exciting Mom!” Lila (fake) smiles. 

“I’m glad you think so!” Madame Rossi replies, “We have to host a two day program welcoming all of these people to Paris. Monsieur Agreste himself will be there! There’s, um, there’s a welcoming ceremony, then a formal dinner, and finally, oh uh, finally… actually I’ll get back to you on the last thing,”

“No prob!” Lila smiles. Marinette rolls her eyes in retaliation before Lila can see. 

“Anyways, I wanted to invite you girls! So many people are bringing their children. The head of the embassy’s bringing her daughter, my boss and her daughter and her son are coming, not to mention Monsieur Agreste’s son, and I thought-” 

“Hold on,” Lila interrupts. “Adrien Agreste will be there? THE ADRIEN AGRESTE?!”

“Yes, he will be,” Madame Rossi laughs, “Eager, are you?” 

“Er-no, he, well, he’s just, uh, really popular you know? It could really boost my career, in um, fashion designing,” Lila covers, smoothly altering her voice to sound desperate and longing.

“You want to be a fashion designer?” Madame Rossi smiles, genuine tears in her eyes. She wipes them away with the back of her hand and sighs, “You’ve never told me, darling!” 

“Never came up!” Lila laughs uneasily, paling as she clenches her fists to veil the irritation hidden inside her. 

Marinette’s lip has turned pale, a gash running through the side that she continues to bite. It’s a reserve for all her anger, mainly at Lila. She’d have to steal some of Alya’s preppy-red lipstick when she gets to school, to cover up the bruise.

“Lila, um, you don’t mind me asking, but who is Adrien Agreste?” Marinette cuts in, failing to follow the conversation. 

Lila doesn’t have to reply, since her mocking grin answers for her, and so does Madame Rossi. 

“Didn’t you want to be a designer, like Lila?” she asks, frowning disapprovingly. 

“I-uh, yes,” Marinette stumbles, picking at the edge of her shirt. It’s a new one that she just made over the weekend, one she can’t wait to show to Alya, but by how often she picks at the seams, the dress will dissolve into thin lines of string before school even starts. She walks over to the dining table and sits down across from Madame Rossi.

“Then you should know,” Madame Rossi says, pointing her nose upwards with a raised eyebrow. It’s often like this: the morning starts out with a kinder Madame Rossi, and as the day goes on, she continues to pile disapproving stares and hidden anger on her lesser daughter: Marinette. 

“Anyway, the whole program is next weekend, and I’d love for you both to come!” Madame Rossi says, clasping her anticipatingly. 

“Of course Mom. I’ll definitely support you. It’s a shame that Marinette can’t come though,” Lila pouts. 

Marinette’s fists both clench, her eyes widening at the prospect to miss a meeting with the famous fashion designer himself, “I-uh-” 

“Marinette, is this true?” Madame Rossi asks, raising a slight eyebrow, “Why?” 

“Some sort of field trip for art club, I think,” Lila cuts in, smiling sweetly at Marinette, “Right Marinette?” 

Lila throws a pointed look at the girl, eyes calculatingly tracing across her face. It was another warning, far more powerful than the last, a signal that if Marinette doesn’t follow, there will be consequences. 

But Marinette is tired; tired of the constant warnings, tired of the beratings, tired of the girl she doesn’t want to call her sister, tired of the woman who keeps favorites, tired of… well, everything. 

“Sorry, n-no,” Marinette stutters quietly.

“What?” Lila smiles, turning to raise an eyebrow at Marinette. Lila’s aura of masked evil radiates against her, pushing, pulling, threatening, hurti-

“I’m saying no,” Marinette , hidden confidence rising to the surface like shiny, opaque bubbles. “I don’t have an art club field trip. I’m free,”

If Lila snarls, Madame Rossi doesn’t notice, instead choosing to take a sip of her coffee and dusting her hands gently on her royal-blue blouse. 

“Great!” she smiles, “I’ll tell them that both of you are coming,” 

Unusual silence falls onto the dining room, broken only by Madame Rossi’s quiet humming. It’s atypical in only the fact that Lila never spares a moment by not talking to her mother; she often decides to leave or escape in a different way. 

The tension is thick, and every moment Madame Rossi looks away is another one that Lila uses to visually throw daggers at Marinette.

But Madame Rossi leaves before she recognizes the obvious shift of the room, pushing dishes in the sink and heading out the door with only a feeble au revoir! 

“Au revoir, Mother!” Lila calls back, smoke nearly coming out of her ears as she desperately tried to keep the anger out of her voice. 

Marinette’s confidence dissipates quickly as she regains her shyness and vulnerability. It’s a shame because it’s at that moment that Lila attacks.

“Listen, you filthy scum of a sister,” Lila sneers, clenching her fists. Marinette struggles to not shiver, to not show the telltale signs of fear.

It seems, however, that Lila already knows. 

“If it weren’t for my amazing ability to somehow tolerate you, not to mention my mother’s strange liking of you, you’d be gone, do you understand?” Lila hurls at Marinette. Marinette, despite her will to not break, flinches.

Lila smiles cruelly. “That’s better, Mari-brat,” 

She studies Marinette’s features. “Alright, fine. You can come to the whole embassy fiasco,”

With carefully timed smirk overtaking her features, Lila leans in close, inches away from Marinette. “But stay away from Adrien. He’s mine,” 

Lila backs away from the table, slamming her chair into it and cracking the edges of glass. Lila’s glass mug full of coffee lands on the floor, quickly  shattering into a million different pieces as the contents inside stain the carpet a less-than-beautiful shade of walnut brown. 

Marinette gasps, quickly clamping a hand over her mouth afterwards, and observing the damage.

“But don’t think I’ve gone soft,” Lila grins, “I guess you’ll be the one that tells Mother about how you tragically destroyed her glass table, and her carpet!”

Marinette knows that Madame Rossi will be furious. Even if the table isn’t as tragically destroyed as Lila had said, the coffee spill is sure to anger her. 

If she’s really mad, she might ground Marinette into staying at home the days that they went to the embassy, and while Lila frolicked with her idols, Marinette would be at home. 

But that’s not the highlight of it all. Marinette had almost thought that Lila was finally changing for the better. 

Almost. 

“Well, I’m off to school!” Lila says, continuing to smirk. “Have fun cleaning up the mess you made!” 

She leaves with a final look at Marinette, slamming the door behind her.

Based on the gleam in Lila’s eye, Marinette’s due for some black and blue sometime soon. 

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a/n: next chapter should come soon! if you liked it, perhaps like this post, or reblog, or comment :) enjoy your day! 

taglist: 

i’ll be tagging the people that i had tagged before, along with a couple others who liked the masterlist for this series. if you don’t want to get tagged, i’m very sorry! just shoot me a private message, and i’ll take you off the tags. if you do want to get tagged, just tell me with a private message or an ask and i’ll add you to the taglist. thank you! 

@reddragonofemeraldflame  @nomiegnome  @18markers @katbab @emmathedestroyer @bluesesameseed @cyborgcandy @karukofox21 @magnificentcrapposts​ @miraculouslylee​

[sambinnie]

1. Happy Mabon! Every autumn, I forget that the darkness comes clanging down in a great rush in the mornings. One day, I am greeted by a pinking sunrise. 48 hours later, it’s so dark on my run to the river that I have to stop a passing runner and check the time, in case my disturbed sleep sent me dressing and leaving the house at 2am. This summer may not have given us those mornings where it’s so hot I can barely get out of the water, where those early hours feel like full silent days carved out just for me to sit in the light and wait for everyone else to wake up, where the only extra thing I put on to run home is my trainers — I look at my waiting winter gear, neoprene socks and gloves, head torch, two more thickening jumpers, hat, thermal mittens — but every season, every day, is beautiful.

Today we go early for celebrations, and the water is silky, and Orion hangs over us with his phallic sword dangling and Betelgeuse winking on one shoulder. The near-full moon spotlights us and I feel almost ready for the shortening days.

2. Hilary Mantel continues to be a literary god. How does she write with that clarity? How can I ever speak with her calm good sense and wit? 

3. We have two main problems at the moment, as far as I can see. a) What we’re doing (“curating” our lives; twitter spats; purity spirals; division and isolation; wanting ‘debates’ that can only be won or lost; encouraging people to buy more things; trying to buy our happiness; letting marketers tell us how we feel about the world rather than encouraging major moral lessons from throughout the ages to challenge us on our weaknesses; refusing to accept that life is suffering; asking self-care to be a plaster for everything we don’t have) and b) what we’re not doing (joining together to stand against those with more money and power; protecting the people who have even less power and voice than we do as a matter of course; learning from history; protecting nature above all else; prioritising going for walks; learning to repair things and campaigning to make things repairable; having a basic belief in human dignity for all, not just those with whom we agree; accepting that truly, we are all different and no amount of shaming or disgust will change that; working to shape our societies, culture, economies, production, food supplies and communications around improving — not just sustaining — the air, water and land, and fighting to ensure all of those new shapes protect women and children).

Individualism has morphed into something so completely self-destructive that we’ve forgotten we need nature more than anything — literally, more than anything — and we need to unionise and unite and put aside differences and work together even with people we don’t like. 

Because when there are wicked people in power, when it’s genuinely exhausting to think about all the corrupt, venal, toxic, divisive, false, and cruel things they have done since coming to power, those people love to watch everyone below pointing their fingers at one another, saying, You, You’re The Enemy, You’re The Problem, while corrupt populist leaders rub their bellies and chuckle at another promise broken, another mass death on their hands, another building site on a protected forest. Do you understand the stakes here? Do you understand that it’s actual survival? It’s not about being right any more, it’s not about besting someone in the argument. It’s about having decision makers who can not only ensure there is still food to eat and air to breathe, but that relations both within a country and between countries are built on care, and support, and compassion, and believing in human dignity. And while it sounds wishy-washy and hands-clappy it’s the schmaltzy, sentimental truth. It’s the only one, really. 

If we instead continue to believe every single day that my feelings are the most important, that my beliefs are the right ones, that I’ve got to prove those baddies there are evil and awful and wrong, then honestly, what the fuck? If we’re happy to live in a country where hostile architecture is the starting point for all public builds, where we send refugee boats away from our shores, where affiliate links are a career goal, where we haven’t stormed the Daily Mail offices with accounts of all our lovely immigrant friends and family and had a huge feast together and compared our long and tangled family trees, then come on. It’s only a race to the bottom if we all keep running. 

Because, pressingly, whatever the spark of a major global conflict — assassination, fuel shortages, hyperinflation, invasion — the kindling is almost always a populace fed pure hatred for months, for years, until they can’t even taste it anymore but are ready to spew it out again, and are ready to use another populace as the receptacle. And hatred is brewed up in silence and isolation, and in the ashes of bridges burned between disparate groups. 

And on that note, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, mainly because I don’t believe governments are generally competent enough to manage Grand Plans, but it’s annoying that technology and social trends and culture have developed in such a way that no one knocks on anyone’s door for a chat as a matter of course now, that it’s a given that a ringing phone triggers anxiety, that it’s not the norm for cups of tea with your neighbours, that we don’t know each other’s neighbourhoods, that we don’t even talk on the phone, with live words and intonation and synchronised laughter, but in text, in WhatsApp chats, in tapped out words and symbols that we know can be screen-grabbed and misinterpreted, that we know are kept, filtered and sold by the tech companies. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just a reality that every single one of us can choose to do differently. 

Sometimes exactly the right thing comes along at the right time. All of us here watched About a Boy at the weekend, a film which is so wonkily weighted and oddly rhythmed, but a perfect depiction of everything I’m banging on about here. Hugh Grant’s character likes being alone. He’s happy that way. It suits him. It’s his choice. Then, between one thing and another, he finds himself drawn into a world of a suicidal single mother, a duck-murdering young boy, more single mothers, more tricky teens, plus exes and mothers-in-law and awkward support groups. And it turns out that actually, being with people is better. Being uncomfortable often develops you as a person. Constantly prioritising only yourself produces a waxen, pointless baby. Making shared sacrifices might just be the point of being alive. Remember that to be human is to be flawed. That no one is ever completely right, and no one is ever completely wrong. That the boring stuff makes us feel good, and the glossy stuff, if all we strive for is gloss, doesn’t. 

If you want anything practical, here are the things that have really helped me over the last few years:

Writing a letter or email regularly to my MP, to CEOs of organisations, to anyone I want to communicate my strong feelings and how I’d like things to be done better. Tweeting eats your soul. It’s a horrible myth the media pretends is important. It really, really isn’t.

Inviting people to go in front of me in queues, in traffic, getting on to buses and trains. It lowers my stress levels right down.

Learning the names of my neighbours and people I meet regularly on walks and letting them learn mine. (I definitely haven’t just decided I loathe a neighbour because they cut a bird-hatching tree down in their garden on the last day of the year it was legal to do so. It’s fine.)

Joining a few political parties, and the closest thing I have to a union

Making something, anything — everything can be done with love, and learning to not get sucked into the capitalist conceit of having to make it perfect, sellable, exhibitable is a genuine gift to yourself; making a cake or a film or a coaster and not putting it on social media, letting it be ugly or serviceless and loving it anyway. I felt extremely overwhelmed the other evening, but instead of doom-scrolling I knitted a… I don’t know, something flat and woollen, and it helped to have my hands and eyes working on directionless introspective creation. 

Trying to stop hating. Every time I want to tell a negative story in my head about someone, I attempt to turn it into something positive: how unhappy that person must be, what they must be missing out on. It’s so nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, and of course it isn’t always successful, and of course every single day brings a hundred thousand examples of cruelty and injustice and wickedness, but the alternative only makes my life feel worse, so why would I indulge that? 

Teaching myself the names of birds, trees, flowers, clouds and constellations. I’m still at the most basic levels on all of these, but the difference one feels in the world when you can name things  — let alone use them and know their stories — is a very real sort of magic. (For that reason I hope to read this book very soon.) This episode of The Cut is also good on the wonder and power of learning the names of the weeds that grow in your nearest pavement crack. 

4. Creating anything is always a gamble, isn’t it, but writing a book you actually like for once and seeing it slowly and beautifully sink to the bottom of a river never to be seen again is ever so slightly crushing. However, it turns out even Thom Yorke feels that way, so I am comforted. 

5. I’m sure I’ve mentioned plenty of these before, but if you want some suggestions of where to find joy, here are my favourites from the last year or so:

I was given Lucy Easthope’s book, When the Dust Settles, for work recently, and I was surprised and delighted to discover the most uplifting, hopeful, human and rightfully angry book I’ve read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and preorder it. I bought this other book for my own birthday, gave it to a housemate to give to me, forgot about it, and was delighted to later unwrap He Used Thought As A Wife. Laughed a lot, cried twice. Marvellous. 

Now even the youngest housemate here can recite John Finnemore sketches and sing the songs. Has also taught them various composers, gods, logical fallacies and gothic story tropes. Also v funny. Oh, Kate Beaton! Her two books (Hark! A Vagrant and Step Aside Pops) are a bit like a comic-book version of Finnemore, but swearier and sexier and utterly unsuitable for all the housemates who have read it and been educated about the Brontes, Katherine Sui Fun Cheung, Tom Longboat, Nancy Drew, Ida B. Wells, Sacagawea, and the Borgias. 

Had to give Inside a restraining order against me for the sake of us all, but Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade is a masterpiece of writing, acting, sound design and optimism. Spy is dumb action comedy polished to perfection, and Yasujirō Ozu’s Good Morning seems like the inspiration for almost all US arthouse films since 1990, and is also beautiful, funny, thoughtful, and good. 

Taylor Swift’s Evermore, like all brilliant albums, isn’t completely perfect. But most of the songs are. And Hole’s classic Live Through This is still just ideal for turning up very, very loud after a tricky day, for the enjoyment of any neighbours who may have hacked down a bird-friendly tree on the last day of February. 

Watched both series of Liam Williams’ Ladhood when I had a week off this summer, and really relished the location, the intention, and the writing. More please. 

Miles Jupp and Justin Edwards continue to be my comforting bedtime listening in In and Out of the Kitchen. Has it ruined Nigel Slater for me? Well, a bit, but no more than any of us deserved. 

I thought this would be a book I’d mumble through the first chapter of, then let get buried in my To Read pile, never to re-open. Instead, I found Whatever Happened to Margo? laugh-out-loud funny, drily written, and full of humanity. Excellent Women has made me want to read everything written by Barbara Pym, a goal I am slowly but surely working towards. 

6. I’ve spent the last few years trying to find hazelnut trees, and finally found a copse between a car park and a play area, full of nuts the squirrels hadn’t noticed. Now I’ve found them, the spell has been cast and I see hazel trees everywhere, on walks and on pavements and running along motorway slip roads. A tray of green and brown frilled hazelnuts now dries with the laundry. They are so beautiful. 

[solar-pxwered]

As promised, here is a snippet from the first chapter of my Jinko fic.

       There is no war in Ba Sing Se.        At least, that's what the Dai Li had been pushing on the people for decades, and after so long hearing the same sentiment, being told to stay quiet, and citizens disappearing when they tried to tell anyone otherwise...well, the people of the city had begun to believe it. If you lived your life, did your job, kept your head down, and just fell in line then you were left alone. So it was that decades down the line, not even the actual Earth King had known the war was truly happening let alone the common people.        This was why when the Fire Nation and Dai Li brought down the great walls no one was prepared to stand their ground against the occupancy. The lower ring citizens weren't trained in any weapon use other than muggers and their cheap knives or the occassional sword passed down through a family from their original arrival as refugees. A simple girl whose family ran a wool stall in the market least of all.        Jin had never felt more afraid than when she witnessed the komodo rhinos stomping down the streets, packing the solid dirt even more firmly than the millions of feet before them. Fire Nation soldiers rode on their great backs and warned citizens to get indoors lest they face the consequences and Jin had taken refuge in the tea shop she frequented, a horrible realization sinking into her chest.        "So it's true," a patron of the shop was whispering quietly behind her, out loud but to himself. "I've always heard rumors about the Fire Nation but no one could ever prove it. We really have been at war this whole time then?"        "It would seem so." Mr. Pao confirmed in a grim tone. "Rumor also has it that the Earth King has just...disappeared and is nowhere to be found."        "Dead most likely." One of the city guards muttered, his hand at his hip was shaking as if he was debating running out there to clash swords with the invaders.        Jin seriously hoped he didn't; this was no time for a show of bravado.        "What do we do?" Her voice sounded so small, choked in her fear as she clutched the neckline of her robes and worried the material there.        "What can we do?" the guard responded with a defeated sigh. "We wait. We keep our heads down, and we survive."        That had been two years ago now.        "Jin, dear, can you cut me off a yard of the undyed wool please?"        Her mother's voice broke the girl from her memory and she shook her head to clear it as she grabbed the shears from the table. "One yard of undyed, coming right up."        Life went on.        Ba Sing Se had continued to thrive even under the rule of the Fire Nation because the rules still remained the same: live your life, do your job, keep your head down, fall in line. Jin's family had continued their business and opened the wool stall the very next day and, even though they had no business at all, it had spurred the other members of the marketplace to follow suit and soon the market was a bustling, busy place once again as they all adjusted to the new normal.        There were those who spoke of grand schemes to overthrow their new government, whispered plots over pints of cheap ale and tobacco smoke in the seedy taverns of the Lower Ring, but the few who tried to rise up were very quickly and very publically stomped back down. Jin was well familiar with the scent of burning flesh and hair after only a few days. But over time things had settled down and even the more raucous of rebellion groups had been crushed in the months that followed the first march into the city.        Thankfully, the months of occupation were few; a mysterious group of people had reclaimed the city, or at least that was the story. All who were present to see it told tales of firebenders using the comet to destroy the occupants, of waves flowing in the streets which washed down the lines of soldiers, Earthbending being used to crush tanks and topple statues, and even tales of epic sword fighting.        If the stories were to be believed then it would mean their liberators were representative of all the nations combined...and Jin was happy to believe that.        Whatever the case, the city was free again, King Kuei had returned from his long absence and tales from the world began to trickle into the streets; each one was more fantastic than the next!        The Avatar, the last of the Air Nomads, had defeated the Fire Lord in combat. Kyoshi Island's famous warriors had represented the Earth Kingdom with unmatched ferocity. Three children had taken out the entire Fire Nation air fleet. The Dragon of the West himself had freed Ba Sing Se. There had been a siege on the Fire Nation during the eclipse.        Today a new bit of news was making the rounds.        "Have you heard?" the woman buying the undyed wool was asking her mother in a conspiratorial way, "They say the new Fire Lord is on his way to the city and should be arriving in the next day or two. Apparently the King invited him personally to discuss trade agreements and reparations."        "I should think so," Jin's mother, Yon, replied easily as she wrapped the wool in paper and tied it with twine to complete the package. "The Fire Nation owes the world far more than empty promises. If he's as eager to change the world as they say then what better place to start than here?"        "Ah, but they say this isn't his first expedition at all! I heard the Earth Kingdom colonies were the first places he went and that there were uprisings and that he came to stomp them out!"        Yon's lips pursed unhappily and she shook her head.        "He sounds like more of the same. It's almost like those people are born without any empathy."        Jin bit her lip, turning her back on the gossip as she put the remaining wool back in it's container. Her mother's statement brought back up those stupid feelings she had been trying to quell for years now; feelings related to a certain Firebender who she knew was nothing like the evil Princess who had conquered the city from within. A shy boy with a scar on his face who served tea and lived in peace among them.        She was no fool. He had all but blurted out the truth when he had lit those lanterns at the fountain that night. She could still see the nervousness and heard the awkwardness in his tone if she closed her eyes and focused on the memory of that strange date with the strange young man. She could still smell the heat frome the quickly summoned flames in the air. He had firebent those lights into being and he wasn't fooling anyone with his "don't peek" attempt. She hadn't peeked, of course, but she hadn't needed to.        Lee had been a Firebender, and Lee was nothing like the rest.

[simply-ellas-stuff]

My thoughts on Zack Snyder's Justice League because I watched it

The opening sequence, bc even tho the repeated scream audio was stuipid this opening was better

The new meeting between batman and Aquaman - that drawing on the wall in the og was unnecessary

Diana's extra badassery

The design of Stephen Wolf, because now he actually looks scaryish

The Queens emotions about losing her sisters of Themyscira - QUEENS DON'T JUST SEND THEIR PEOPLE INTO BATTLE EMOTIONLESSLY THESE SCENES WERE NEEDED - FUCK

THE BIGGER WITH IN THEMYSCIRA WHY THE FUCK DID THEY CUT THAT OUT?! - oh right, its because the previous director is sexist as fuck,

Stephen Wolf's Daddy Issues because that's fucking hilarious

Bruce explaining his want to find everyone bc of his promise

The close up on the fly things because that actually made it scary

THE FUCKING LIGHTING CEREMONY IN THEMESCERIA HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT

Diana's extra badassery after getting the Arrow because WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT CUT?! This explains SO MUCH about how Diana knows SO MUCH about a time she wasn't alive in and I have NO FUCKING CLUE why it was cut!?

Arthur Curry is a Stripper - Confirmed!

Arthur and his trainer talking, but idfk why they kept the bubble thing Although I do like that they clarify that it's not just Mera who can do that bubble thingy

The scene between Stephen Wolf and the stone-wall dude person was cool and it explained why Stephen Wolf was so desperate

Zeus, Ares, and Artemis prepped for battle along with Poseidon in the flashback was FUCKING AWESOME!!! Diana's Aunt as well, the shows of the Green Lanterns, and the ring returning to the planet [Although they should've named Artemis, bc she can easily be mistaken for Athena - Also; Artemis' roman equivalent in the goddess Diana ]

Darkseid being in the flashback, which explains a lot

The Gods vs Darkseid was FUCKING AWESOME

Barry's awkward rambling after running into Iris

ALSO IRIS FUCKING WEST!!!

The Big Belly Burger Reference, nicely done

My dad says Iris' car is beautiful

BARRY SAVED IRIS BITCHES

The slow-mo crash gave me anxiety

My dad says, "I know you got all the time in the world but c'mon this is ridiculous" about that scene then "That beautiful car..."

THE SCENE WITH STEPHEN WOLF AND THE ALTLANTIAN MAKES EVERYTHING MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK DID STEPHEN WOLF KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOTHER BOX IN ATLANTIS

Do. Not. Make. Diana. And. Bruce. Romantic. Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

The use of slow-mo is kind of redundant

Victor being fucking AMAZING even tho he's getting in trouble at school

Victor and Mama's discussion gives some life to the 2-Dlike Cyborg from the og movie, WHY THE FUCK WAS IT CUT?!

Victor's inner-world where he's still fully human

Barry being sarcastic as fuck towards his father lmfao

"Very attractive Jewish boy"

The reference to Grodd YAAAAAAAS

I still hate that Barry's lightning is blue and not red

The explanation of the Speedforce and Snacks

"What are your super powers again?" "I'm Rich" Still one of the best lines

I love Diana's shirt in the scene with Alfred

"Looks like you have a date, Ms. Prince" lmfao - Unless his name is Steve, I doubt it

I feel like Victor and Diana would be a good brother/sister duo, ngl

Burying the fucking box at your mothers grave was the stupidest shit I have ever fucking seen Victor.

COMMISIONER GORDON HELL YES

Barry's utter fail at being normal around Diana

The underwater click-like dolphin speak was cool, but still kinda dumb knowing that later Aquaman speaks underwater just fine - ngl

Nice Liquidkinetics, Mera. Amber you're still a cunt.

Also, Mera says her parents died - Wasn't her father alive in Aquaman??

Victor seeing the bat-signal explains how he knew how to find them, honest

The badass entry of Bruce, Diana, and Barry makes me laugh

Barry is far too close to Bruce

Victor scared Barry LMFAOOOO

If Victor's father is the head of STAR Labs where the fuck is Harrison Wells?????

THEY LEFT BARRY BEHIND, ASSHOLES

Diana's annoyance at Barry running ahead is such a Mom thing

Stephen using the bug thing makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE

Diana trying to make a plan and it getting ruined fits with the exasperated Mom theme she's got going on.

THE SONG HEN DIANA GOES AGAINST STEPHEN WOLF, THE FUCKING VOCALS ALONG MAKE ME HYPE AS SHIIIIIIIIT

"I Belong To No One" I FUCKING LOVE IT

HEEEEEEEEELL of a push Barry lmfaooo

"Thank you Alfred" "Don't mention it" Mans is bored of your shit

"Sword Lady" LMFAOOOOOOO

Diana's x-move thing against Stephen Wolf YAAAAAAAAS BITCH

Diana saving Barry's ass - Accurate!

Victor taking over the Crawler makes more sense this way, honest

OKAY YOU AN ACTUALLY SEE AQUAMAN IN THE WATER AND IT MAKES IT MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE

That jump onto the crawler was smooth as fuck Diana!

Stephen Wolf getting visions from the boxes also explains a lot about some shit

"I know the requirements, I wrote them" Suuuuuuubtle lmfaoo

Victor brining the box them also fits better

Why is this Stone looking mother fucker speaking Latin?

Hello Darkseid, you look particularly dramatic this evening

Victor's explaining how he knows about the box makes a lot of sense, why was this cut again??

Actually explaining the fucking Mother Box was Helpful

Mrs. Kent and Lois having a heart to heart holy shiiiit

Martha talking about how Clark's death was drowned out by Superman's - wooow

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH MARTHA'S EYES IS THAT J'ONN J'ONZZ?! THATS THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER HOLY FUCK IT'S J'ONN J'ONZZ

Ironic that Ezra-Flash's hero is Superman while Grant Gustin's hero is superman lmfao

Diana and Arthur chatting was cute, the quote was awesome and the Atlantians totally copped that quote from the Amazonians

Alfred being a sarcastic fuck is my favorite

Alfred being the voice of reason, as always

Arthur helping Barry pick a hat is AMAZING

Diana telling the boys to change, mom or big sister?? lmfaoo

Barry's social awkwardness gives me second hand embarrassment

This little infiltration arc makes SO MUCH more fucking sense

Every one being suited up and triggering the alarm is amazing

Mr. Stone fucking trusting his son is my faaaaaavorite

THE SUITS ACTIVATED AND CAME OUT WHEN CLARK WAS MOVED PAST THEM DUDE WTF

IS LOIS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Barry looks like he's about to throw up

BARRY HAS ALREADY TIME TRAVELLED THAT LINE SHOULDVE BEEN KEPT IN

Arthur being antsy about not doing the resurrection makes so much sense

VICTOR SEEING A POSSIBLE FUTURE IS THE BEST SHIT

I love vision-Diana's Norse burial

EVIL VISION-SUPERMAN DUDE CMON

THE MISUNDERSTANDING MAKES THIS WORSE AND BETTER AT THE SAME TIME

HE REVERSED TIME WHEN HE RESURRECTED SUPERMAN WHAAAAAAAAT

The Military arriving was a sensible addition

The fancy ass dramatic ass arrival of Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash, and Cyborg when Superman gets to the monument is hilarious

Victor loosing control is the woooooorst

The Lasso of Truth almost got through to him but he's a stubborn fuck

Superman functioning in Flashtime is something I will never understand

Yeah lets shoot at the guy whose indestructible, right

"you should probably move" LMFAOOOO

Batman v. Superman part 2 insert eye roll here

headbutts like children - and that's cheating on the playground Clark.

Heat vision makes so much more sense than "do you bleed?"

Lois coming in cluuuuutch

I like Lois' appearance better than Alfred bringing her, it fits Lois better

Arthur and Barry now have rivalry lmfaooo

Mr. Stone being obsessed with the mother box is annoying as fuck

Mr. Stone is an idiot and he should've fucking left the box alone

That was a horrible death why was that necessary?!

Arthur being a pessimist in this movie is honestly hilarious, tho why is he anti-love??

Barry being surprised at Batman's richness is never not funny

"I'll take that as a yes" okay Clark, don't show off

IS LOIS PREGNANT OR NOT?!

"Its really me Ma" Best scene of the whole fucking movie

Barry and Arthur heart-to -heart "I thought you didn't car" "I never said that" BUILD THIS FRIENDSHIP

BRUCE TELLS DIANA OF THE VISION

Bruce talking about faith never bodes well

THE QUEEN LOOKS BEAUTIFUL

"uh with the power of love" "Barry" LMFAOOOOOO

THE KRYPTONIAN SUITS LOOK AMAZING

Since when does Superman have Geokinesis??

I LOVE HOW BOTH OF HIS FATHERS ARE TALKING TO HIM I FUCKING LOVE IT

THE SUIT UP SCENE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IT LOOKS AWESOME

"just have to knock a little louder" Well, that's one way to knock Bruce

Nice crash boy

Straight up sounded like "Loud and queer" lmfaoooo

Diana leading the teeeeeeeaaaam Hell Yes!

I do miss the "I think we're all gonna die" lasso-Arthur scene tho. it was stupid - but funny.

DIANA COMING IN FOR THAT SLICE AND DICE BAYBEEEEY

THE TEAM SHOOOOT YES totally taken from Marvel but fuck did it look good

"you really are out of your mind" says the idiot who talks to fish

"not done yet" vs "your welcome" I like the second one better

Glorious hair Arthur lmfaoo

Fucking chair eject

NICE SHISH-KA-BOB ARTHUR FUCK

Alfred doesn't even fucking blink when Clark arrives

ARTHURS TRIDENT DOES THE WAVY THING ON LAND TOO BROOOO

Oh yeah, step back for the demi-god princess

DONT PISS OFF DIANA AND DO NOT USE HER FAMILY TO FUCK WITH HER IT NEVER ENDS WELL

The familiar flash buildup power ring will never not make me happy

Daaaaaayum Diana!!

Nice catch Arthur

Diana knows her mother and sisters are alive bc they sent the arrow to her, so why is he even trying it??

NICE SAVE SUPERMAN!!

"Not impressed" Smooooooth

THAT FINAL BATTLE IS FUCKING AWESOME

TIME TRAVEL

BADASS DIANA WITH THAT DEPCAPITATION

You sent Today at 5:44 PM

Them all standing there was straight up "Fuck with us, I dare you"

The epilogue was great but that dream was confusing, are we doing Alt-universe shit??

MARTIAN MOTHER FUCKING MANHUNTER BITCHEEEEEEEEEEZZ

IS LOIS PREGNANT OR NOT?!

[bellamyblakru]

“I have you, it’s okay.” + Merthur 💛 also omg I'm so glad you want to get into writing I can't wait to read it!

thank you so much🥺, you guys have been too kind😭😭 im so excited!! i really love writing, but i learned from that first one that it’s exhausting 😂 gah i love merthur, lets do this (also, the knights are all alive bc i love them//shade lancelot did happen but merlin brought him back for good good) ALSO, this drabble really ran for more than i was actually going for lmfao im sorry its so long

Merlin didn’t know how he wanted Arthur to find out about his magic. Most of Merlin’s recurring nightmares consist of the possibility that Arthur will react the wrong way. After all these years, Merlin dying on the pyre wouldn’t be the worst situation. What Merlin truly dreaded the most was the inevitable betrayal that he would see in Arthur’s eyes, the look he gets when someone he loves hurts him in the most personal way. The look where Arthur thinks he is the problem, not those betraying him. Agravaine, Morgana, Gwen, and even shade-Lancelot made Arthur vulnerable enough for him to love them just to be stabbed in the back one way or another because of it. Arthur blames himself when his people turn their backs on him, and Merlin refuses to get that look from Arthur.

 Killing Merlin, as horrible as it sounds, would probably be kinder. Merlin cares more for Arthur than words could describe. It wasn’t because of prophecy, or because Arthur was a good person and an even better King, it was because Merlin loves Arthur. It is as simple as that. Merlin loves the way Arthur smirks when bantering, the way he smiles when he is helping someone in need, the way he fights for his people, the way he never gives up hope no matter what happens or who they face, the way his eyes light up when sparring with his knights. Imagining Arthur shutting him out, away from his light, was a staggering enough thought that kept Merlin quiet.

At first, it was because of Uther. Merlin wouldn’t make Arthur pick between them, even if Merlin always thought that Arthur would always pick Uther. Then it was Morgana, then it was every little excuse that allowed Merlin to push back the truth further behind his happy facade. Arthur expressed his hatred of magic enough to let Merlin understand that he wouldn’t be accepted...even if Merlin was magic itself. 

There has never been a person more devoted to another human than Merlin to Arthur. Without one, there was no other. The castle knew this, as did the knights. Gwaine and Lancelot would tease him relentlessly about his love for Arthur, but even they did not know the half of his dedication to the Once and Future King. 

Merlin is the most powerful warlock to ever walk to earth, and he was terrified to tell his best friend his two deepest secrets. The warlock part, of course, and the part where Merlin’s entire existence was to serve, protect, and love Arthur to his dying breath. Merlin believes that Arthur might have an inkling that Merlin is truly in love with him, but Arthur never let too much show between them if he does know. Servant and King. The one born because of magic and the one born made of magic. Two sides, one coin (if the large reptile had a say in this). They were like the sun and the moon, destined to rotate but not touch. Arthur was Merlin’s sun, his light, his hopes, his destiny. 

Today was hunting day for Arthur, which meant Merlin pretended to grumble the whole morning about spending time with the knights and the king simply so he could see Arthur’s eyes light up with that playful glow. The Knights of the Roundtable were with them today, to Merlin’s delight. Gwaine and Lancelot were finally getting closer to each other through Merlin, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it. They were the closest to brothers he ever had, and he was so grateful to have them in his life. Lancelot was welcomed back after the whole scandal since Morgana was outed, but Gwen decided to permanently end things with Arthur. Merlin was upset they weren’t together anymore, but Arthur did not seem too distraught about the news. Arthur probably sees the way Lancelot looks at Gwen and figured he couldn’t compete with that love, which made Merlin’s heart clench painfully.

Merlin was riding beside Arthur when the unimaginable happened. The forest was quiet in the way that made Merlin’s magic crawl, but no one seemed concerned with his fears. Merlin knew better. Right before the army ambushed, Merlin simply looked at Arthur. Arthur looked like he was bathing in sunlight, with a golden halo and his sparking sword hanging by his side, laughing at something Gwaine was talking about. Merlin’s life was Arthur’s well-being, and if it meant Arthur hated him for the rest of his life, then so be it.

The minute they entered the clearing, the laughter died. The knights reacted immediately with their King leading the way, swinging off their horses and preparing for battle. The army wasn’t too big, but it was Morgana’s—meaning magic users of different degrees everywhere. Her army did not look impressive, but the true power was in the hidden fact that each one of her soldiers wielded some magic. Merlin could feel it in the air. He could almost taste the potential power these people had, and he knew today was the day he has been dreading since he realized his love for Arthur.

Today was the day of Merlin’s betrayal—but it was the only choice. Arthur’s safety goes beyond what Merlin wanted..it always would, no matter how this ended.

Merlin didn’t waste any more time. He spelled the knights and his king to the ground with one look, saw the shocked expressions on different faces (he didn’t dare look at Arthur yet), but he did not let himself ponder them for too long. He thought up a shield then, putting those he loved in a bright, golden bubble of protection. Knowing they were safe allowed Merlin to relax for a second before turning his attention to the problem coming at him. He counted thirty sorcerers, with Morgana leading the charge. He took a second to truly look at Morgana. Her hair was matted, her clothing ripped, her eyes were darkened by the nightmares she is no doubt plagued with. He felt such pity and sorrow at that moment, a feeling so intense that time itself stopped around him. 

He walked up to Morgana, whose eyes were frozen gold with fury. He saw Aithusa in the back, and allowed time to continue for her alone. He spoke quietly to her, telling her how he is sorry for letting her stray so far and how he wasn’t there for her when she needed him the most. Aithusa, although weary, came closer to Merlin and let him pet her nose. Through the connection, she could see why Merlin wasn’t there for her, or more precisely, who Merlin had to protect above everyone and everything else. Aithusa, by command of Merlin, left then to Kilgharrah who would see to her recovery. Feeling better that his kin would be seen to after this, he focused his attention back to Morgana.

He then unfroze her. She, unexpectedly freed, fell to the ground. She was petrified, Merlin could tell. Her destiny, her doom. He was who she feared at night, who kept her awake after the nightmares, the one who poisoned her for the love of Camelot. Morgana was many things, but a coward is not one of them. She stood her ground, as regally as one can manage after falling, and looked Merlin in the eyes. What she wasn’t expecting was the pain she saw, for her. She started, not understanding his emotion. Quickly, too quickly for anyone to comprehend, Merlin grabbed both sides of her face and chanted with such sadness and despair. He pleaded to the earth’s magic to take her powers, and to use them for good, to help those in need. The earth responded kindly to his request, and it did what was asked of it. Morgana quickly fell asleep in Merlin’s arms, while Merlin was slowly crying over his lost, hurting friend. 

Time unfroze. The army halted, seeing Morgana’s magic flowing into the earth, and decided that a retreat would be more beneficial than attacking Emrys. Merlin could feel the magic leave Morgana, leaving behind a broken girl who’s heart has been hurt too many times to be fair. She deserves another chance, Merlin pleaded once more, and with that thought, the earth healed her enough to be able to live without her powers. She will live, the ground whispered to Merlin, and he tried to choke back a sob. Arthur could have another chance with his sister, and Gwen could finally have her best friend back—if Morgana wished, of course. Gwaine came behind Merlin and slowly peeled her away from him. Merlin staggered up, never using that much raw power before in his life, and started swaying. 

“I have you, it’s okay,” Merlin thought he heard Arthur quaver to him. Strong arms picked him up, and although Merlin was slowly fading, he swore he saw an angel lift him up, crying about how much Merlin meant to him. He passed out before he could make sense of it.

What isn’t said here is the simple fact that Arthur loves Merlin. Arthur loves the way Merlin smiles when he knows he is being sassy, the way his nose crinkles when he disagrees with something Arthur has said, the way Merlin’s eyes look when he says something abnormally wise to Arthur. Arthur is who he is because Merlin believes in him and magic isn’t going to throw it away. Arthur may not understand what just happened, but it wasn’t destructive, or cruel, or evil. It was pure, beautiful magic that only aimed to save the people around it—and wasn’t that who Merlin was at the end of the day? The magic felt like home, like love, so like Merlin that Arthur’s breath caught in his throat. 

He didn’t feel betrayed, surprisingly. He was hurt that Merlin couldn’t trust something so vital, so beautiful about himself because Arthur’s father was a tyrant and drilled something so wrong into Arthur’s mind. But never again will Arthur be swayed by his father’s ghost. Merlin saved him, probably more times than he could count as he continues looking back on their adventures. 

Arthur loves Merlin as much as Merlin loves Arthur, so he knows that no matter what happens after today, that fact will never change. 

[secret-engima]

(Whispers) FFXV ten years younger AU; Noctis is like, 10yrs younger than C!Noct. How do you think that would work out???

HGFDSDHGFDS WAIT WAIT WAIT.

I’M CONFUSED.

Do you mean that Noctis is BORN ten years later and the plot still kicks off? Or that Noctis time-travels and ends up ten years younger. I’m gonna assume you mean the former so here we go. I’m sticking this under read more because I am going to RAMBLE LIKE CRAZY.

-The wedding is not a thing. Because Noctis is TEN.

-It is quite possible that he never got attacked by the Marilith, because by the time he was eight, Tenenbrae might have already been invaded.

-That or the invasion was delayed until Noctis got there, which means Luna would be 22 when she meets Noctis and Ravus is 26 so both are WAY more mature and comfortable in their own skin/morals by the time the invasion happens. Ravus does not beg Regis for help but instead helps with the evacuation, Luna is not dumb enough to stop and let the MTs take her, Sylva may or may not still die, but at least she doesn’t take a flame-thrower to the face (might still get stabbed by Glauca).

-Also Gladio is there because he’s like- 21 at this section of timeline and has taken his Crownsguard oaths. Ignis is there too.

-Imma go with my petty side and say that with two adult oracles, an adult Ravus (who was no doubt trained to be a deadly guardian of his sister), a Very Angry Gladio, and a semi-homicidal and reckless Ignis, Glauca has a Bad Day. Maybe dies, maybe not.

-Luna and Ravus escape with teeny Noct and Regis and take sanctuary in Lucis and denounce the Nifs for what they’ve done (Sylva too if she isn’t dead? Which she might be) and the world goes on something of a mass riot because the reason they didn’t attack the Oracles before was for fear of what the public would do if they found out.

-They’re called consequences you morons. You poisoned your cake now eat it.

-Luna and Nyx are a thing. Because Noctis is way too young to even consider it and Nyx finds this feisty Oracle woman who demands to be trained in the glaive with her brother to be Really Hot.

-Luna becomes the Glaive healer, using the Kingsglaive’s movements to disguise her own from the empire so she can still help people.

-If Glauca is still alive, he Glauca tries something as Titus and is murdered by one very angry Luna and one Super Angry Ravus who now has LC magic on top of whatever brand of magic male Nox Fleuret can use (yes I know oracle magic is a girl only thing but MAGIC, the boy has to get something even if its not healing based) because he joined the Kingsglaive.

-Ravus maybe becomes the new Captain of the Glaive? Either him, Nyx, Libertus, or Luche, who is not a traitor because I’ve grown to like him.

-Noctis loves his Shield and his Oracle Sister and Big Brother Ravus, Luna can feel destiny bearing down on them and often cries in private because Noctis is TEN.

-With the world rioting in fury over the truth of what happened in Tenebrae (which I HC in canon was never leaked because the two royals were being held hostage and the Tenebraen people either didn’t know or where being blackmailed into silence with the lives of their beloved royal children), the Nifs take some serious damage to their power base.

-Nifs offer a ceasefire with Lucis to begin “making reparations” with the Tenebrae line and Lucis two years after the invasion.

-Regis smells a rat.

-The rat looks like Ardyn.

-Still, he DOES have little choice but to accept, BUT with the Oracle’s healing and the world public on his side, Regis has way more leverage in this treaty, demands territories be returned and stuff (Galahd included).

-Nifs agree to the terms and come for the signing, Regis doesn’t send Noctis out of the city because as bad as his feelings are, Noctis is TEN and Ignis and Gladio are just young adults.

-The Nifs still pull their invasion nonsense because- well- NIFLHEIM. The Emperor is pretty power mad at this point and is like “if we crush Lucis the dissenters will shut up out of fear”.

-It’s pretty intense. Fire everywhere, traitors making trouble (NOT in the glaive, the Glaive were lured out of the city with leaked reports of a fleet to get them out of the way, it’s corrupt Nobles and disgruntled citizens that do this).

-Without Glauca there, Regis doesn’t die, but he DOES probably get injured and separated from his son, whom Ignis and Gladio take and flee the Citadel, trying to escape the chaos.

-In the chaos of trying to flee the city, they bump into a rookie Crownsguard who just took his oath like- a WEEK ago and he helps them evacuate the prince with his crack shot aiming skills and his knowledge of the city’s back streets (”I like to take photos of the alley cats okay????”)

-The four end up outside the city, separated from all backup, in a hotwired car that Ignis took (”Since when do YOU know how to hotwire a car?” “Since I thought the skill might come in handy now shut up and watch the road”).

-Insomnia doesn’t fall, but the Empire is freaking stubborn and starts a siege or something, so the bros can’t get back in, and since they encountered some Crownsguard traitors in the chaos so they don’t trust anyone outside their foursome and they’re being actively hunted by the Empire ... 

-Who’s up for a road trip?

-Also Regis probably thinks Noctis is dead because Angst and is furious beyond words and Luna smuggles herself out of the city to go wake up the Astrals and ask what to do now only to find out from a really vague Gentiana that the Chosen Lives so she’s off doing that solo adventure playing Hot-Cold with the bros as they run around trying not to get spotted by Nifs and figuring out WHAT TO DO. HELP.

(and this is the point where I could either make this a horrible tragedy about child kings and sacrificial lambs but I hate sad endings so I won’t so have some crack-flavored Fluff instead)

-Cor smuggles himself out to join the search but Ignis is doing his job a little Too Well so nobody can find these bros as they run around and Noctis ends up befriending Titan through the sheer power of his Cute and then Ramuh comes down to see because the Chosen isn’t old enough to take on his destiny except oh look. BBY. and his Granddadly instincts are roused for the first time in Millenia and so now the group has a doting Grandpa showing up at random to give advice and Smite People.

-Noctis continues to befriend just about Anything That Breathes as Big Bro Gladio, Brother Ignis, and his new Brother Prompto cart him around the wilderness of Lucis trying to figure out how to get safely back in Insomnia when there is a siege happening (the Siege is keeping the Glaives busy btw, which is why they aren’t out in force looking for Noctis).

-At one point Noctis gets separated from his bros in like- Lestallum or something and is wandering around freaking out when he bumps into someone. “Sorry,” he sniffles, trying hard to be dignified but also is so close to crying. The figure turns and ... looks at him. He doesn’t like that look.

-Noctis, who has been repeatedly told that he is in danger and needs to keep a low profile, starts to duck away from the man, afraid of being spotted, but then the man is in front of him, blocking his way and there are no other people around and Noctis is shaking and terrified, magic sparking under his skin as the man REACHES for him with a leer- and Noctis sobs and his magic reaches out instinctively in search of help-someone-please-PLEASE-

-A sword goes through the man’s chest, pinning him to the wall and suddenly there is a stranger there. A stranger with crackling, snapping magic that coils around Noctis, old and deadly and wounded but not- not evil. The new stranger turns and looks at Noctis, something cold and confused in his gaze, and maybe Noctis should be terrified of this man with red hair and tacky clothes and what looks like black makeup that’s all runny like he’s gotten it wet or been crying, but all Noctis can think is that someone rescued him, someone is HERE and that man has magic just like Noctis so he must be safe and-

-Ardyn feels like the wind has been knocked out of him less because of a scrawny ten year old cannoning into his waist in a desperate sobbing hug and more because- because-

-He hadn’t expected the Chosen to be a child.

-He had known, conceptually, that Regis’s son was very young but that- that was different from seeing it. From feeling young, immature magic latch onto his in desperation and needy trust and looking down at this tiny child who was already sobbing his heart out into the waistcoat of a MONSTER.

-The Chosen King is a child.

-And Ardyn can already feel two Covenants burning under the boy’s skin.

-The Astrals mean to make a CHILD their sacrifice? They will not even wait until he is grown?

-And Ardyn is not ... sane really, but no matter what he tells himself he still has standards and underneath the screaming of the scourge the old Healer King, the older brother who did more to raise his sibling than their father ever did, rears its head and snarls NO.

-Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto, who are all losing their minds over getting separated from Noctis, find him sniffling but content on the hip of a strange hobo-like man who smiles false smiles and says nothing with a great deal of words and somehow inserts himself into their group and never leaves. Noctis doesn’t WANT him to leave and the three are terribly astonished when Noctis blurts out that this poor man is sick and has magic like Noctis, but his sickness makes him tired and cranky.

-Ardyn is trying not to laugh to the point of tears over such a SIMPLE explanation of the Starscourge.

-Anyway to make an already stupid long ramble shorter, Noctis cutes his way to victory by melting the heart of the Accursed into going “Mine. My Nephew Now.” The Empire overreaches and gets it’s back broken by mass riots and Lucis’s defense and Altissia and Tenebrae both rising up in a bid for freedom, Ardyn gets medical help from a Very Confused Luna and they end up curing the Starscourge through the Power of Cute and the Power of Spite (aka Noctis and Ardyn) and then come back to Insomnia with a defected chancellor in tow who is now fully cured and mostly sane again and utterly devoted to his cute nephew.

-Regis is too grateful at finding his son alive and well despite prophecy to really care about the ex-Chancellor happily passing Noctis candy under Ignis’s exasperated eye every time Noctis looks the slightest bit Cuter than Normal.

[the-neon-writer]

Fuck it, it may not be edited and it may change still, but here’s Cara’s Intro. She’s yet another character in my maybe novel that is coming along slowly. I may have not won NaNoWriMo but i still got further with progress. So i’m proud of myself. I have one more characters intro left to write. I promise it’ll be a good one when it arrives. In the mean time enjoy this as a special christmas treat 😉🎄😉

Cara’s Intro

She wasn’t sure where he had come from, but he was there nonetheless. The man had just appeared one day and decided to take care of her. What made it stranger was that people usually looked down on her because of the way she looked. But this man did not. She may have been young, but she knew how the world worked, the other street urchins had taught her that. She had to be smarter and tougher than the rest of them if she wanted to survive. He was different though, he didn’t seem to care about the colour of her skin, or what people whispered when they saw her with him.

It had taken some time to start trusting him and he had given her all the time she needed. The moment she knew she could trust him was her first full moon. She had no clue what was happening to her, she felt like she was being ripped to shreds from the inside out and she had no control over what was happening to her. They had been staying at a farmhouse on the outskirts of Dublin. He was in the other room and she assumed he’d heard her yell. She remembered seeing him rush in, sword in hand. She couldn’t control what was happening, it was like she was watching someone else control her body, but she charged towards him. All he did was just wrap her in a tight hug and whisper that it was going to be ok and that he would help her no matter what, that he would never leave her side as long as she needed him.

After that they grew closer, he was like an older brother that she’d never had in her life. He helped her understand what she was going through and patiently taught her to control the beast as best he could.

She had a purpose now, she was informing on people for him. People didn’t care enough to notice street urchins so she could slip into and out of most places without ever being seen. She spied on priests and gentlemen, ladies in fancy bonnets and young brats of rich families. She trailed them throughout the town and reported their activities to him. She wasn’t quite sure why she was spying on these people, but more often than not, she never saw them again. So one day she asked him why he was looking for those people. And he told her, that’s why she trusted him, he told her the truth if only she asked. She was angry and confused but he explained why these people needed to be eliminated, though, sometimes, on rare occasions, he didn’t eliminate people in the literal sense. A few times during the years, she helped him smuggle people out, making it look like they were gone permanently but really they were just removed from the equation.

He told her about The Council when she turned 12. That made her understand it a little better, why he killed the people he did and spared the ones he did.

“Now I don’t always agree with the council, but, I have to trust their judgment on most things. They’re family and I guess I’m sorta stuck with ‘em. I do have a noggin’ of me own though, and they’re not always as smart as they think they are. I’m tellin ye this so that ye can understand why they can never know ‘bout ya Cara.” That’s what he had told her, “I’ve seen that not all of ye are evil and mindless bloodshed sickens me, so I hope ya know that I’d never hurt ya. Do you trust me?” She had believed him, foolish, she now knew people always ended up hurting you.

The beast was growing with her and it was becoming stronger also. And not long after her 12th birthday, the beast spoke for the first time. It was just a regular day and she was out on the streets trying to nick whatever she could off the rich blokes and snobby arses who thought themselves so much better than her. She didn’t need the money but it made her feel good to get payback.

She’d just nicked a shiny pocket watch from a well-dressed gentleman when she saw a gang of other street kids approach her. She knew them since forever, she’d always managed to slip away right under their noses, but this time she was so enamoured with her find that it was too late when she noticed them.

“Whatchu got there girly,” said one of them, snatching the watch from her hands.

“Oi give it back ye thick gobshite, that’s my find,” she tried to snatch it back but the boy was taller.

“Or what, s’not like anyone’s gonna help you,” he looked her up and down disapprovingly and giggled with his mates.

“I suggest you give it back, boy,” it was a deep booming voice, with an accent so far from Irish it was startling.

“Oi who said that, show yerself ya flute.”

“If you insist,” Cara felt herself lose control again, this hadn’t happened in years even on a full moon, but she wasn’t trying to fight it this time. It lunged at the boy and she felt it sink its teeth into his neck and the life drain out of him with a horrible crunch. She remembered seeing the horrified looks of the other street kids and saw them start running for their lives. A pool of blood was forming next to her and she saw her reflection for the first time, only it wasn’t her, it was It. It was huge, with a long sharp muzzle and glistening black fur, its ears were pointed and its eyes glowed gold. It had a slender jackal like figure, yet it was bipedal and more muscular than any human or beast.

The next thing she remembered was the chase, following the kids into the night, not even trying to regain control, the taste of blood and revenge sweeter than honey in their mouth. It caught up to them quick enough, they were hiding in an alleyway, It could hear their frantic heartbeats and smell their fear in the air. The fear tasted sweetest of all, filling It with new vigour and jest to toy with its prey.

It approached slowly giving the brats hope that it couldn’t find them, it paced in front of their hiding spot and took off at a short run to make them think it left. It didn’t. It waited for a few moments as it climbed onto the roof above them. It was about to jump them and rip them to shreds when they heard a voice.

“Cara, please, stop.” And there he was, but he wasn’t comforting or jovial. He was holding a crossbow, and it was aimed at them. “I can’t let you hurt innocent people, no matter how much I care about you.”

They turned to face him, jaws dripping with fresh blood and it spoke, “They aren’t innocent, are they…”

“Fer fucks sake they’re children, Cara, listen to yerself.”

“I’M NOT CARA.” Its voice echoed across the rooftops and silence fell between them as beast and hunter stared each other down.

“Cara, please, you can control it.”

“Oh, I don’t think she wants to anymore!” Cara was in there, but she had no control, but she was no longer certain she wanted this. It all seemed wrong all of a sudden.

It suddenly shuddered and stepped back to keep its balance.

“Cara, think about all the good we’ve done, please don’t undo it all now.”

The creature shuddered again but its eyes glowed golden, brighter than the sun. It growled and the growl permeated the air around it and cut the silence like a knife. The shuddering stopped and it looked up at him. Then it charged, but he had been ready, he hadn’t been training to hunt monsters his entire life for nothing. Before it even took 2 steps he had fired the bolt.

It stopped in its tracks and fell forward onto all four. Cara couldn’t take back control even then, she was scared but there was nothing she could do. She didn’t want to die, not yet, not like this, not afraid.

She awoke again in that warm room with a fireplace. She wondered if it had all been a dream or if she had died and this was meant to be the afterlife. But then she tried to move and it was painful. Her whole body was racked with pain as she tried to lift herself into a sitting position on the couch. She must have made some noise because she then saw him enter. He had a dagger on him made of silver, it was sheathed, but she could smell the silver.

“Don’t move, please.”

She stopped trying to sit up.

“Look, I know it wasn’t your fault that it took over, I couldn’t’ve prepared ye fer that. Something like that has happened very rarely in history and the accounts were all second-hand experiences.”

“w-what,” was all she managed to say, her tongue felt like a useless stone in her mouth.

“Yer not the same as It. There’s two of ye now.” he sighed, he looked tired and sad all of a sudden and she could finally see the age in his eyes, he forgot to hide the pain that only comes with old age, it was there for only a second before it was gone like sunlight on a winter’s day.

”You caused a lot of trouble, Cara. I don’t know how long before they notice something off, but we definitely have to leave Dublin.”

”Y-you shot me,” she struggled out, her muscles weren’t being cooperative.

”Right, yes, in yer shoulder, wolfsbane, gives a nasty shock to the system. I wasn’t actually goin’ t’ kill ya, just wanted to scare you to your senses, didn’t account on It having a will aside yer own”

She looked at him but try as she might she couldn’t tell how he was feeling, she never could.

“Get some rest,” he said as he turned to leave the room, “We’ll have to leave in the morning.”

He closed the door behind him and Cara was alone again. She was so tired, every nerve in her body thrummed with fatigue, ”shifting” was a very physically tiring process she had noticed. Before long sleep overtook her, she dreamed of a moonless night being chased by a figure with a deep foreign voice that encircled her as she ran.