#to her and her depression and the way she expresses herself and how she desperately wants someone to care but doesnt want to be vulnerable

[talaok]

A small bed

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!reader Summary: During a cold night at Nevermore, you seek shelter in your friend's, Xavier, room, but as it turns out, sleeping on a single bed in two, is not as easy as it sounds. Warnings: SMUT (protected sex and oral sex- female receiving-) a/n: Let's play a game. Guess who's depressed and has done nothing other than "write" and watch Wednesday for the past few days? Please find the answer in the following text.

It was so cold in the room. Those stupid wooden thin walls never actually isolated the building from the cold. Funny how the headmaster seemed to have money to donate to the Mayor's campaign but none to invest in the infrastructure she herself was managing. The bedroom was way too large and the ceiling way too high for the mere thermostat to be enough to fight the cruel Jericho's cold. You could hear Edvin's low snoring coming from the opposite side of the room. You wondered how she did it, how she could fall asleep with this temperature. Maybe it had something to do with her nature, and if that was it, you wished for a moment to have been born a werewolf too. Able at least to close your eyes without the fear you'll freeze to death in your sleep keep you from doing so. you sighed. there was no way you were gonna do it. The alarm on the nightstand indicated the time. 3:46, plastered in red lightning, the only thing illuminating the room besides the sheer light coming from outside, the moon still emanating her immortal glow through the branches. The howling of the wind seemed almost sinister, as it infiltrated from the window. You gripped the blanket and wrapped it around yourself, sitting up on the bed. There had to be something you could do right? You intently thought about it, as the cold spread itself all over your body. They were no more blankets, so that was a no. there was hot tea in the kitchen, but that meant stepping outside, where the cause of your suffering had originated, not to mention you were still going to have to come back to this infernal room after, so that was another no. the gears in your brain were desperately operating, trying hard to find a solution, but it seemed the temperature had compromised also them, not just your body, which was now trembling, as the only one they could find was the first one you had thought of, but had deliberately discarded. It's not like it was a bad idea, he would have said yes, you knew. there was just something about it that didn't convince you, a feeling or, better even, a presentiment, that made you doubtful on whether it was a good idea either. But you didn't have time to think about it as you slipped through the door, glancing one last time, at that shadow-filled space.

The sound resonated through the whole corridor as your knuckles met the door's hardwood. Silence filled it just moments after. It's not like you were expecting a prompt reply, or one at all for that matter. Light footsteps echoed in your ears just before the doorknob turned. "Y/n?" Xavier whispered, his voice still hoarse and full of sleep. "I know, I'm sorry. can I come in?" He frowned, visibly confused "Uhh, sure" "Thanks" you immediately sneaked in. He closed the door and leaned on it, still incredibly perplexed. "Did-did something happen?" "No, nothing like that" You smiled "I just-" you bit your lip nervously as you looked up at him "I can't sleep in my room. It's too cold." "Oh" he exhaled relieved, calming you with him. "I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry. I can go if you want" you said, realizing just now how crazy you must look. Showing up to his room at 4 in the morning trembling and without shoes on. "shit you're freezing" he noticed, immediately taking his bed's blanket and walking up to you. He was silent as he gently wrapped it around you, his hands remaining on your arms once you had gripped it. "Thanks" "don't worry." he shook his head. A sincere expression spread over his face, and you let yourself stare at it, loving the way he was doing the same. "so, can I stay here?" you asked again "Of course" he said, looking offended by the fact you even had to ask. He glanced at his bed, an eyebrow-raising itself "There's only one thing" he offered you an apologetic smile "There's only one bed. Rowan's old one doesn't have any blankets". You looked around. He was right. Only the single bed surrounded by drawing-filled walls seemed to be suitable to sleep in. Especially today. You laughed softly. It wasn't funny, well maybe just a bit, but most of all it was ironic. you had come here for shelter and the only one you had found was a very thin mattress you now had to share with someone else. You wouldn't have accepted if it wasn't for the fact that there was no other option. You definitely weren't going back to the hellhole you had just escaped from. "I think we can fit" "you sure?" "Well, we at least have to try" you said "If I go back to my room there's a 90 % chance that I'll die of hypothermia" "and we wouldn't want that" he chuckled, his thumbs stroking your arms through the cover. "no" you smiled "we definitely wouldn't". You liked looking at him, the moon illuminating only the left side of him, lightening his long amber hair to champagne ones. "all right then" he let his arms fall to his sides before indicating the way     "Ladies first" "Why thank you, kind sir" you grinned as you went to the bed, laying down on it. It smelled of him. His scent was soaked in the sheets and in the pillow and you immersed yourself in it as you closed your eyes. You liked it. More than you should have, probably. "comfortable?" he asked, and you nodded sleepily as your eyes stayed shut. He laughed softly at how cute you looked, peacefully sleeping in his bed, and a weird feeling invaded his chest. He didn't pay attention to it as he walked towards you. You felt the bed creek and move as he climbed on it, laying just beside you. You hadn't really understood how small the bed was when you had looked at it before, but as you laid here, your two bodies glued together, you realized just how wrong your estimate had been. Silence filled the room again as he set the cover on you both. You were still shuddering, it seemed like the cold had made its way into you and had now little to no intention of ever leaving you. "You're still cold" he whispered, his hand finding your arm again, just to caress it kindly. His touch felt like fire on your frozen skin. You opened your eyes, finding his already on yours. You swallowed nervously at how close you were, a few inches was all that separated you. If you hadn't been best of friends this would have looked romantic, you thought. But you were, so there was nothing to think about. "mh-mh" you nodded. "can I-" he murmured as he turned to lay on his side "I can hug you" he bit his lip "if that's ok" "Y-yeah sure. I'd like that" you said shyly and he smiled "ok" He scooted closer to you and you turned to your side, just like he had,  facing the wall. You admired the extremely detailed spider on the drawing in front of you as he put one of his arms around you, tightly holding onto your chest, pushing you against his, and the other under your head. His body was flat against yours, from head to toe following your body's position. You could feel every inch of his body, his hair brushing against your neck where his breath was giving you goosebumps, his chest moving up and down against your back, and his knees on the back of your legs. He was warm, and as much as you were grateful for the cold beginning to leave your body, you weren't thinking about it anymore. What you were thinking about, was his hand on your stomach, and your ass-well- your ass dangerously close to his crotch. You gulped, if you had been on the verge of falling asleep before, you doubted you were ever gonna do it now. You kept staring at the drawing as you let yourself melt into his touch, so gentle and yet so reassuring. It felt nice. More than nice actually. Your neck was starting to hurt and you readjusted yourself to get more comfortable, inadvertently moving closer to him, and well,  grinding against his lap. A small groan, clearly not intended for you to be heard, left his throat. "sorry" you whispered, faintly "don't worry" his hoarse voice traveled to your ears, as he tightened his hug. Shit. There was a weight on your chest and a familiar feeling in your belly, and you preyed that you would have fallen asleep soon, zeroing out all the possible mistakes that you were afraid you couldn't stop yourself from making, and that right now were all you wanted to do. All the thoughts passing from your head were things you knew you would have regretted later, like what would have happened if you ground again against his crotch, or if you turned and leaned just a few inches over, meeting his lips with yours. They were all potential, doable possibilities, that you could have explored in a matter of seconds, but you couldn't, you shouldn't. You were just tired, that was it. Xavier was your friend, and friends don't kiss each other, even if they really really want to. "Y/n?" a soft whisper in your ear. "Hm" you hummed "are you sleeping?" You turned your neck around, now really inches from his face, from his nose, eyes, and stupidly pretty mouth. "no" you answered There was a moment of silence, as he inspected your whole face, his eyes traveling from your eyes to your mouth and then up again. You felt butterflies in your stomach. You had never understood that expression, but now, all of the sudden, it seemed to make a lot of sense. "are you feeling better?" "yes, thank you" He moved his hand from your belly and brought it up to your face "good" he murmured, as he stroked your cheek. You felt your cheeks turn a brighter shade of pink. "I-" your voice died in your throat, as you forgot what you wanted to say. "You're very pretty you know?" he kept caressing your face "I don't think I've ever told you before" he smiled "but you really are" shit. He was making it really hard not to want to explore the possibilities. "I- thank you" you murmured. He looked at you, seriously now, penetrating and studying you, like he was really seeing you for the first time. "Y/n" he murmured, his eyes blinking slowly. "Xavier" you whispered too, before he slowly leaned over, indecisively getting closer and closer to your lips. you looked at him as he reached them, pressing his mouth on yours, in a chaste kiss. you barely reciprocated, still shocked this was actually happening. He leaned away, his eyes moving between your mouth and your eyes, desperately trying to understand what you were thinking, while also desperately wanting to kiss you again, this time, like he really wanted to. You looked at him, his beautiful eyes always so confident, now looked so hesitant. It was a weird image, a new one. You smiled subtly as you leaned over and pressed your lips with his, this time better, harder and more passionately as his hand on your cheek traveled to your hair. He stroked your hair as he kissed you lovingly, his warm mouth on yours, as you both closed your eyes. It felt like floating, like flying on cotton candy clouds. You had never felt something like this. he smiled as he leaned away, and you couldn't help but do the same. "you're a good kisser" he murmured" better than I expected actually" you gasped, pretending to be mad " you expected me to be bad? " you asked, realizing just at that moment something "and what do you mean by expected?" "well" he moved a lock of your hair behind your ear "let's just say there have been times when I wondered about this" "have there?" you grinned "yes" he kissed  you again quickly "there have been" " Good to know"  you bit your lip "and by the way, you're a good kisser too" "Oh I know" he chuckled, retracting his hand from under your head to place it on your shoulder, his fingers trailing on it. "I'm good at a lot of things" he looked at you. A fire burned in his eyes. Your mouth opened slightly in surprise, and he kissed it uncaringly. His tongue infiltrated your lips as he forced your head together with his hand. You could taste him in your mouth, Xavier, all of him. from his toothpaste to the tip of the pencil he bit constantly. It was all there. "And do you want to show me those things you're so good at?" you said, surprising even yourself "pleeeease" he begged, desperation clear in his voice as he gripped your head one more time, kissing you hard and messily as he pushed you to lay down on the bed. He didn't waste any time as he got on top of you, peppering kisses all over your face, while his hands explored every inch of your body, leaving a trail of shivers with his touch. You whimpered as one of his hands found your breasts "We can stop if you want" "no. please no" He smiled "thank god" he lifted your shirt and sweater "I was just getting to the good part," he said, as he lifted it over your head with your help and shamelessly stared at your bare tits " fuck you're hot" he said bending down to spread kisses all over them while groping and caressing them hungrily. "so" he started kissing down your belly "fucking" he trailed down under the covers "hot" he said, kissing your fully clothed pubis. You moaned softly at the hint of a touch he just gave you. You were desperate "please" as I said, desperate "patience my dear" he whispered sarcastically, as he hooked the hem of your pants under his fingers, toying with it. You whined softly "a virtue you clearly don't possess" he chuckled under his breath as he slowly took your pants off, finally freeing you. he bent down immediately between your thighs, looking up at you smugly. You met his gaze and bit your lip. This was crazy. You were friends and had been such for so long, and apparently, all it took was a very cold night and a much too small bed to make you forget about it, and for him to end up between your legs. Fuck, he looked pretty that way. He brought you back to reality as he bent down and kissed your clit, still looking at you. You moaned softly, and then he did it again, this time for longer, and your moan became louder and kept doing so until he was sucking your clit and you were screaming his name, your hands gripping his hair and the sheets mindlessly. Lost in the pleasure he was provoking you He was looking at you mesmerized as you threw your neck back, your eyes shutting close and your mouth open, those filthy sounds coming out of it. Xavier thought he had never heard something so beautiful in his life. "you taste so good y/n" he said, his words vibrating against your cunt, as his fingers came up to your pussy, slowly moving towards the entrance. You cried out as they entered you, Xavier pumping them in and out relentlessly. A very dirty sound echoed through the room as he kept doing that, not even your voice able to cover it, as he went back to sucking and licking all he could find. "xavier" you mumbled "s-shit" you tried to speak, but the pressure forming in your belly distracted you "I-I'm coming" you finally spat out, and he smiled against your cunt "then cum y/n, come all over me" he stopped just to resume again, even harsher than before. You felt a knot in your stomach and as he scissored his fingers inside of you again, hitting your g-spot perfectly, it broke down. Making you come undone, loudly moaning his name as you came down from your high. "shit" you sighed incredulously, as he came back up to your face, pressing his lips with yours once again, letting you taste yourself in his mouth. "you weren't joking when you said you were good" you giggled, and he smirked "I'm a man of my word" his hand found your side again "now" he looked at you "let me show you my full potential" he said, making you laugh giddily, exited for what was about to come. His hands left you momentarily as he took off his shirt and just moments after, his pants. You had never seen anyone undress that quickly. He leaned over you to reach into one of his nightstand's drawers, his hand reappearing with a tinfoil package between his fingers, the same ones that were inside of you moments before. You squeezed your thighs shut, just at the thought He looked down at your legs and smiled knowingly, as he slid the condom on his cock. You weren't nervous. It was weird, usually, you were always nervous at moment like this but you felt safe, and more than a bit turned on. "you're gonna have to open your legs y/n" he raised an eyebrow, and you tilted your head to the side, biting down a smile "and what if I don't?" he bent down over you "then I'm gonna have to open them for you" he ghosted your lips. you swallowed thickly. Fucking shitty shit. Hot. That was hot. You spread your legs and he smirked smugly " so obedient" he joked and you rolled your eyes. "look at me" he commanded as he positioned himself at your entrance "I want you to look at me when I'm inside you" Your mouth slaked open but you still nodded "use your words" "ok" you answered finally, and he looked at you proudly before slowly pushing himself into you. A series of stroked and interrupted moans escaped your mouth as he bottomed out, filling you up completely. You were doing as he requested, looking at him intently as your face contorted in all sorts of expressions. "you're perfect" he sighed faintly, as he placed his hand on your stomach, stroking it gently " so fucking perfect" he looked at you, making your heart miss a beat. his lips twitched up into a very thin smirk as he started moving in and out of you slowly, his veiny cock wrapped tightly around your walls. "feel so good " he groaned as he quickened his pace. One of your hands flew to his shoulder as you gripped it to bring him down to you. You wanted to feel him, all of him. And you did, as you hooked your arm beside his neck and reached up to kiss him desperately, leaving pointless little whines in his mouth as he kept thrusting into you. "shit Xavier" you cried out as he brought one of his hands down to circle your already overstimulated clit. "I know," he said without an ounce of real sorriness "just take it " he pecked your lips again "It'll be worth it" You were out of breath as you kept bouncing on his bed, your tits moving with you. his movements were fast and you were feeling so many things at once that you weren't sure you knew exactly where you were at the moment. The same knot from before was starting to form itself again. "you're coming" he said, through his panting, anticipating you. Some of his hair were stuck to his forehead, and his mouth was open, gasping for air in between his sporadical groans of pleasure. "mh-mh" you nodded desperately, your hips moving with his to get even more friction. "come baby" he murmured, the pet name echoing through your ears, and traveling straight down to your cunt "come for me" "oh god xavier" you had the time to murmur before a wave of pleasure overwhelmed you, a series of little fireworks exploding inside you as he kept moving, chasing his own orgasm while letting you ride yours out. "fuck" he growled as his thrusts got more sloppy "you feel- so f-fucking good" he groaned, before with one final push, he came, a series of profanities leaving his mouth before he collapsed on top of you, his head resting on your shoulder. You smiled as you realized what had just happened, and when he raised his head, you could see he was doing the same. "I think the bed was too small" you grinned "What makes you say that?" he laughed

[lahulotteshitpost]

***Sorry this started out as a rant***

The idea that you only reciprocate someone's love if you can be open about your feelings or date them is honestly insulting.

I find it especially mature from the Doctor to admit she can't date Yaz, knowing it will break her heart.

In LOTSD, you can clearly see the pain on their faces (both of them), but it's the kindest thing the Doctor could have done. Their relationship would have been unhealthy. We know this because we've seen the Doctor losing herself and being a terrible friend to Yaz.

And the Doctor knows that, she knows her mental state won't allow her to actually be in a relationship. She knows the relationship would be toxic, she knows she's been a terrible friend, she even admitted it in Flux but admitting it didn't fix her.

I've lived longer, seen more, loved more, and lost more.

- It Takes You Away

Yaz, I'm sorry. I didn't let you in to what I was doing... what I was looking for. I shouldn't have shut you out.

- The Vanquishers

But the point is, if it was going to be anyone, it'd be you. But I can't. Because at some point time always runs out.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

Not because I don't want to, because I might. But if I do fix myself to somebody I know, sooner or later, it'll hurt.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

The Doctor is very clear:

- she's not been a good friend,

- she loves Yaz,

- she wishes she could date her.

Being in love, even when it's reciprocal, doesn't always end in a relationship. Sometimes, even "trying" is impossible.

They can't be together, because the Doctor can't bring herself to do that. She's been desperately trying to avoid feelings and attachments since she fell into that Sheffield train. Of course, it doesn't work, and of course it's not a healthy coping mechanism, but this is something people go through.

Yaz understands. And I will argue that Yaz got to confess her love to the Doctor in LOTSD, they both expressed their feelings indirectly.

My nani says, courage is knowing something will hurt and doing it anyway. Mind you, she also said it's the definition of stupidity.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

This is Yaz telling the Doctor "I love you, I wish you could get over your fears, but I understand.

(And there is a lot to say about consent, as, clearly, understanding despite the pain is also the healthier reaction. You cannot force someone into a relationship, Yaz has often been mistreated by the Doctor but in this very moment, she is not a victim.)

There's a reason why she adds that bit about "stupidity" and it's not just to make the Doctor laugh.

Their romance is a slow burn with no happy ending. It's incredibly bittersweet, but it's also very real.

Mentally ill people who avoid relationships are often ashamed of it, we don't openly talk about it because it's definitely not "normal". You can be traumatised, depressed, anxious, but you're still in a happy romantic and sexual relationship, obviously.

Except when you can't.

I started shipping Thasmin during Series 12, initially believing it to be unrequited. I never expected it to be more than subtext, in a way it subverted a lot of my expectations.

I'm no different from most shippers, I was hoping for a kiss (every Doctor had one!) although I expected it to be disappointingly non romantic (à la Nine/Rose).

A kiss, the ultimate romantic trope!

Doctor Who didn't give me what I was hoping for.

It gave me something that I desperately needed.

Home.

Representation.

When you are one of those fucked up queer people, afraid of people knowing deep down you can't date, avoiding feelings and relationships because this is how your traumas shaped you, do you really get to see yourself?

Thasmin isn't every queer person, it isn't even every sapphic you will ever meet, but no story is. And their queerness isn't the cause of their doomed love, which I find extremely respectful and far from usual tropes.

I can see myself in them, at different stages of my life. I know some aro/ace spec people see their relationship as very queerplatonic and also felt represented.

Maybe you don't, and that's fine. You don't have to see yourself in them, you don't have to like this story.

Just understand other queer people will.

[kanrojixx]

How unfortunate~

Sekido, Urogi, Karaku, Aizetsu x FEM!reader

word count: 2,5k

Warning: sexual content, nsfw, aged up 18+, gangbang, rough sex, fivesome, belly bulge, non-con, virginity loss, p in v, p in b, throat fucking, oral sex, anal sex, reader being manhandled, degradation, breeding, overstimulation, blood mentions, scratching, biting, mentions of fingering, she enjoys herself after all

Previously posted on my Wattpad "anitazza05"

Follow the don't like don't read rule please - minors DNI

Run. This was the only thought you had in your head. You were bumping into branches, your yukata was torn but you didn't care. You kept running. Tears of fear and anguish clouded your vision as you desperately searched for a way out of that wood. You should have gone home, but curiosity had got the better of you. You check behind you, slight relief filled your chest as no one was seen.

That feeling immediately dropped as you felt a pair of talons grabbing you by the arms, causing you to lose the ground safety. You looked up as terror filled your eyes. A winged demon with golden eyes and an amused look. He had a smirk on his face. You cried and floundered in his grip «Huhuhu~ you better give up honey, you don't stand a chance~» he said licking his lips. The tears now ran down your cheeks as you abandoned yourself in the demon's talons.

You reached the abandoned building where you were discovered spying on the four demons. «Hey Sekido! Hehe I got her~» he landed near his clones and dropped you on the ground. The four demons surrounded you. One of them squatted at your height, his umbelievably green eyes stared into yours «Hmm~ she's cute, it would be a shame to kill her right away~» you shuddered as he brushed a lock of hair behind your ear and wiped the tears off your face with his thumb.

«Karaku stop. this whole situation is depressing» you heard the other mutter. Another one sighed angrily before speaking «Urogi, check that there are no other slayers» big wings cleaved the air as he flew around checking the surrondings. «Well now, are you part of the demon slayer corp sweetie?~» Your eyebrows frowned as the demon spoke, your expression seemed to amuse him, «don't wanna talk?~» he grabbed your chin pulling you close to his face «Much better, I'll fuck those words out of you~» a shiver run down your spine at his words.

«No one to be seen Sekido~» the winged demon landed close behind you. You more or less figured out who was who. The golden eyed demon with talons was Urogi, Karaku had a large maple leaf fan and deep green eyes, Aizetsu must have been the demon with a sad and calm expression; while the last one, on the other hand, looked very pissed, that must've been Sekido.

«Oh come on Sekido let's have some fun~ I see no reason to kill her. Yet~» Karaku chuckled licking his lips «I agree huhu~» you hear Urogi's voice behind your ear. You gasp as your clothes were ripped off your body, you pull your arms to your chest trying to hide yourself, but Karaku yanked your wrist away admiring your chest «That's some great view~» he cooed as he fixed a lock of hair behind your ear, exposing your neck before licking it slowly.

You wanted to scream as loud as you could, but a hand tightened over your mouth. «Try not to make too much noise, someone might still hear you~» you feel Urogi's talons wandering around your body. Karaku smiled mischievously, taking his hand off your mouth before speaking to the other two. «What are you waiting for? You coming or not~?». Sekido let out a guttural growl as Aizetsu just sighed, they still seemed reluctant.

Your tears were pouring down wetting Karaku's fingers, his malicious eyes fixed on yours «There's no need to cry like that~ I'll let go of your hands but don't try to escape or I'll kill you instantly~» he said in a hoarse growl as he released your sore wrists. You didn't move a single muscle. He licked your tears away and smiled.

You gasped loudly as you were lifted off the ground, carried into the building and pinned to the next available wall. The other three joined you quickly. «Are you part of the demon slayer corp?» Urogi said almost annoyed by his own words. A cry of pain escaped your lips as his fangs dig into your skin, «It's a simple answer, yes or no~?» his tongue left a wet trail all along your neck as he licked the blood off the fresh bite. You panted heavily and didn't respond.

Urogi approached your face as his wings closed behind his back, strong arms grabbed your thighs and lifted you making you wrap your legs around his neck. «Answer~» he growled, his talons scratched your soft skin. You closed your eyes and shut your mouth holding back your cries of pain. «Well in that case…» Urogi moved closer to your cunt, you felt his warm breath against it. Your eyes widened as you tried to free yourself from his grasp, in vain.

He quickly stuck his tongue in your hole making you scream, your hands tangled in his hair as you tried to pull him away… Or at least that was what you thought you were doing. You felt him smile against you as he pushed the slippery muscle deeper. You arched yourself against him throwing your head back leaning against the wall.

As much as you didn't want to, you were getting excited, a veil of lust clouded your sight. In that instant Urogi felt you squeeze his tongue slightly, as fast as he had slipped in, he moved away and looked at you pleased. You groaned as you tightened your thighs around his face. Without taking off that evil smile, he made you slid down so you could wrap your legs around his waist. «Did you come up with an answer by chance~?»

You felt that you were about to give in «I-» you managed to mutter in a hoarse voice before locking yourself shut again, remembering not to reveal anything. He raised an eyebrow «Still reluctant huh~». Your jaw dropped feeling his talon slip through your folds, you dropped onto his shoulder, trying to suppress the cries of pain that threatened to leave your mouth.

He pulled back again. «I won't tell you anything-» you stammered closing your eyes. «Is that so~?» you heard karaku murmur while he somehow slipped behind you squishing himself against your body. You felt his breath behind your neck, you shivered and narrowed your eyes as he bites the lobe of your ear. «Well I guess we have no choice then~» Karaku said as you heard a rustle of clothes.

You opened your eyes wide, only to see Urogi and Karaku freeing their bodies from the only things that separated their skin from yours. You could feel their erections pressing against your thighs. «Be ready dear~» you heard them line up at your entrances. «We'll fuck your brain out~» you felt Karaku's hot breath against your ear. You were about to protest but they were faster.

They pushed forward pressing their tip against your two holes, they managed to push a couple of inches. You whimpered in pain as you fell forward onto Urogi's shoulder. «Hey Karaku, I think she's still a virgin~» Urogi chuckled with a joyful smile, it didn't sound so joyful to your eyes «Yes I can feel that even in her ass~» Karaku said feeling your walls painfully tightening.

«But she's a good girl, she'll be able to take all of us~» more tears pricked your eyes as they started pushing again forcing your insides to accomodate their quite impressive sizes. Your nails dig into Urogi's shoulders, scratching the base of his wings «a bit more little one~» he whispered «relax a bit more, it'll hurt more if you don't~» You desperately tried to relax ignoring the stinning pain.

«All right that's good~» Karaku grunted as they finally managed to bottom out. Urogi sighed in relief as they let you adjust to their dicks. «I almost forgot the warmness and tightness of a woman» Urogi growled against your neck.

The pain was slowly fading, your walls started to relax against them. As soon as you were a bit more relaxed they pulled themselves out, until only.the tip was still inside you. They slammed back in, at the same time building a merciless pace.

Karaku's hands found your breasts, starting to knead the tender flesh, his fingers rolling your nipples occasionally making you squirm under his touch. Your whole body was reacting to them, and that they noticed giggling as tried to hold your moans back «Enjoying it too much~?».

You cried not wanting to accept that, deep inside, you were liking it. Their hips snapped against yours, repeatedly hitting the deepest spots, «Fuck, your ass is tight huh~» Karaku grunted rutting into your hole faster, causing a loud moan to escape your lips. You felt Urogi's dick hitting your cervix causing your thighs to shiver lightly. He noticed your reaction and wrapped his talons around your waist pounding your cervix repeatedly.

You felt Karaku's hand crawling to your clit, rubbing and twisting it between his fingers, you moaned as you threw your head back onto Karaku's shoulder. «Aw she's milking my cock~ Karaku, I think she's close~» Urogi sped up his thrust, pounding into your pussy. «Yeah, her ass is squeezing me to death huhu~» Karaku glued his fingers against your clit in a circular motion, he pounded your ass mimicking Urogi's pace.

An intense orgasm crushed over you, more tears soaked your face as the just kept going, not bothering to stop. The overstimulation caused your frail body to tremble against their muscular ones. Why you? They just took your virginity.

«May we know your name~?» you feel Karaku lean forward and whisper in your ear, with the different angle you felt him shift inside you, making you scream as you claw the other demon's back. «Aw come on, don't be shy~» Urogi murmurs as he feels you tighten around him. «You still refuse to talk?! Tsk fuck» you hear Sekido taking off his clothing «Hey Urogi, move.» you hear the demon chuckle «it looks like you made him angry huhu~» he cooed as he pulls himself out and gives way to the other, which quickly stops you from falling and wraps your legs around his waist.

«You better talk because I won't stop until you do» he said quickly thrusting himself between your slippery walls immediately starting to move, he was rude, he went as deep as he could, hitting your cervix with each thrust. «t-too much-» you got interrupted by a stronger snap of his pelvis. «Huh? Is this too much for you?» he growled pounding you harder.

The moans you were trying to suppress came out of your throat without restraint. «Karaku put her down on you» Sekido dryly orders the demon behind you «Okay~» you drop onto Karaku's lap as his hand makes it's way up your thighs and begins to tease your clit. You groan loudly in Karaku's ear as you squeeze dangerously around his length. He start pushing himself up by hitting you more effectively as you arched against him.

Meanwhile Urogi approached and begin to knead your breasts, leaning over, sucking and biting your nipples. Your legs tremble, your toes curled and your hands claws Sekido's shoulders. «So fucking tight» you hear him growl in your ear «you humans are so sensitive~» Karaku whispers against your neck. They picked up the pace, your insides quiver tightening as your moans become more frequent.

Aizetsu was so silent you didn't even noticed him approaching and gripping your hair turning your head to the side so that his cock was in front of your face, «If you're not going to talk we better put your mouth to a good use» The tip of his member pressed to your lips, you wanted to complain but Karaku snapped his hips into your ass particularly hard, causing your jaw to fell open. Aizetsu quickly pushed his cock into your mouth sighing in relief.

You choked around his girth as he started to fuck your face holding your head tilted to the side. Obscene sguelching sounds and slurping noises filled the empty building «Hey I feel left out~» Urogi stated with a pout as he took your hand making your fingers wrap around his unattended dick. «Can you stroke my cock right~?» He asked bucking his hips starting to fuck himself into your hand «Come on~ please~» he groaned feeling your hand squeezing him softly.

The lack of air was making you feel lightheaded, you probably were about to pass out. Aizetsu pulled his dick out of your throat caushing you to cough and greedly sucking air into your lungs «Y/n−» you manage to murmur in a weak and hoarse voice. Sekido thrusted harder «What?» your nails dig into his shoulders «Y/n! i-it's my n-name!» you screamed «Oh~ what a beautiful name~» Urogi chuckled thrusting into your hand, his hot breath gave you goosebumps.

«What a good girl~ finally decided to open up completely~» the little praise Karaku whispered into your ear, caused the knot in your insides to snap, you came soaking and squeezing their cocks tightly. «Fuck- feels fucking good» Sekido growled as he bit your neck. Your legs trembling violently from overstimulation, your body was held only by the strong grip of the demon behind you, probably if he had let you down, you would have fallen to the ground.

They sped up their pace slightly, you tremble in the demons arms, Urogi and Aizetsu attack your chest with more bites and hickeys meanwhile both their cock stood still soaked in your juices and saliva. Your neck was already covered in purple marks and bite marks. Sekido and Karaku kept hammering at your core mercilessly. Sekido attacked your lips biting them and sliding his tongue into your mouth muffling your moans. The knot that had just snapped wrapped your insides for a third time. You hooked your arms around Sekido's neck lightly pulling his black locks while hiding your face in his neck as he broke the kiss.

Aizetsu pulled your head back and slipped his cock back into your throat chasing his own release like his counterparts. They thrusted into your abused holes a few more times before they all came without bothering to pull themselves out. Their seed leaked out of your cunt and ass, down your stomach, where Urogi fucked himself into your fingers; and down your chin as Aizetsu pulled his dick out of your throat.

You panted clinging harder to Sekido's shoulders, as him and Karaku slowly slid out of you letting their release drip down your thighs «Maybe we exaggerated a little? Her insides are full for sure huhu~» Urogi chukled touching your stuffed belly.

«Stop screaming Urogi» Aizetsu sighed «She passed out, once she's awake I'm sure she'll talk» you heard them discuss among themselves. You were barely conscious, you felt yourself starting to black out, before that you felt something warm lightly caressing you while cleaning the residue as the chatting slowly disappeared. You didn't want to believe that those demons were taking care of you.

[top-rhaenyra]

the contrast of rhaenyra's and alicent's experiences with motherhood is so fascinating

I’ve always argued the storyline of being wary of motherhood and childbirth would’ve worked better with Alicent than Rhaenyra.

Alicent doesn’t get to choose who the father of her children is, she doesn’t have access to contraceptives nor can she refuse Viserys when he calls for her.

The themes of forced motherhood and the consequences of this would work so much better with women like Alicent: struggling to love children forced on you, not understanding why you’re not overcome with maternal affection, suffering from undiagnosed postpartum depression etc.

With Rhaenyra it just doesn’t work because unlike Alicent she can choose her children’s father and she can decide when she wants to be pregnant. In the books she has three back to back pregnancies and then stops for 4 years, whilst in the show she has Joffrey eight years after Luke which means she intentionally had a third child. Either way it all comes down to Rhaenyra having bodily autonomy; if she didn’t want to be pregnant she wouldn’t be pregnant.

Also having Rhaenyra be the one who expresses her wish to not have children honestly feels more sexist because the writers are implying not wanting to be a mother isn’t normal, so once Rhaenyra gives birth to Jace she realises the error of her ways and happily has five more. This implication doesn’t sit well with me.

so i wasn’t fair to you anon, and i’ve let this sit in my inbox since may. the reason for this is because i wanted to see how alicent and rhaenyra’s relationships to their children were developed, explained, and expanded on in season two.

regarding alicent and her children:

i think we officially got your wish anon (mine too). while some people may be unhappy with her arc in season 2, alicent has always had a deep-seated love-hate relationship with her children. i’d argue that in season one we also got glimpses into the just…visceral revulsion that she cannot shake when she looks at her children, aegon in particular. but in season two i think she’s truly confronted, in a noticeable tangible way, with the facts of her sons.

obviously, i wish we’d been able to see more of this kind of dynamic back in season one, especially with a younger alicent. however, there are season constraints and we can only see so much in ten episodes (side note: 8-10 episode seasons with a two year wait in between is a rant for another time, but know i’m not being like “yay season constraints!”).

the problem with alicent’s arc and struggle is that so fucking much of it is internal. it is so incredibly hard to show on screen and i find the way its been done so far admirable. up until luke’s death, alicent is lying to herself over and over every day about her relationship to her children, aemond and aegon particularly. once the war starts i believe the tower of lies she’s told herself (this is morally correct, i’m just doing my duty, i was treated well, i’m protecting my children like any mother should) start to crumble. i hate so much that we never got her reaction to aemond killing luke for this reason.

also, to a certain extent she may not ever truly come to grips with her trauma. there are no words for what she went through—marital rape was not a concept then. it still manifests, obviously, but i think we can tell with her repeated insistence that viserys was a decent husband and man [loud incorrect buzzer] that she still thinks she’s the one who’s done something wrong. i’ll be interested to see if the writers ever actually have alicent come to grips with the fact that viserys was, in fact, not a good person or king. personally, i don’t believe they will, but we can always hope.

anyways, all this is to say that: i do believe the themes of forced motherhood and its lifelong consequences are well done and explored with alicent (thus far). people will disagree, perhaps even you, but her eventual rejection of aegon and aemond; her desperate, almost chaotic protection of helaena; her ideas about daeron; all of it really speaks to the struggle she’s had and is going through as their mother.

regarding rhaenyra and her children:

this is more difficult that alicent lol

before i get into my gripes with her story, i do want to push back just a little bit on the idea that rhaenyra truly has bodily autonomy. regardless of when or with whom she gets pregnant, she’s still expected to get pregnant and have children. while its unfortunately not explored, she does need to produce heirs.

now. i agree with you for the most part. rhaenyra’s relationships to her children really make no sense. the only one that’s fleshed out is jace, and while that is interesting in the “she’s doing to him exactly what viserys did to her,” it is not complex internally (in the same way alicent’s is). i also personally see joffery as an oops baby, but who really knows. i don’t even know how to explain her children with daemon. they were plot necessary i guess lmfao

the problem with rhaenyra and her children is that almost all of the critical moments in their relationships happen off screen during the time jump. its a structural tv show problem and it brings up these kinds of issues when looking deeper into the relationships she would actually have. i think the writers did a good job this season of making the internal conflict and intrapersonal strife within team black better, but this is just one of those things thats never going to be explored. in this sense we’ll never really know her true feelings or the development that could’ve happened—which is a massive shame.

my personal headcanon (so take with a grain of salt and don’t come for me), is that rhaenyra isn’t against the idea of children as a teenager, she’s against the childbirth. i believe this both because of the horrors of watching her mother’s repeated miscarriages and eventual death while in childbirth, and her consistent refrain of the desire to be a man. i think she wants, to her core, freedom and, as a woman, having a child requires much more sacrifice than having a child as a man.

i don’t personally see the change from not wanting children to totally wanting children as misogynistic, but i don’t blame you for seeing it that way because of the utter lack of canon explanation for it. again, i wasn’t really fair to you keeping this until season two was finished, but i think both alicent and rhaenyra’s relationships to motherhood were developed well.

[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER FIVE)

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CHAPTER FIVE: "These explanations are valid. But it should be known if the same day a friend of the desperate hasn't spoken to him with an indifferent tone.."

Mourning is the expression of grief after someone died. There are several types of mourning with an example being Chronic Grief.

Symptoms for this kind of grief can include extreme feelings of hopelessness, A sense of disbelief and a loss of meaning. All of which can lead to severe clinical depression or thoughts of self harm and even suicide.

The song of sparrows and swallows danced through the summer breeze, All sat nestled within the vegetation as they hummed their melody.

The soft sunlight shone down upon the shrine, Giving a blessing of quiet light to the abundance of blossoming flowers nearby. [F/N] blinked once, Trying to figure out whether what she was seeing was a mirage or reality.

Was this the afterlife? It certainly felt like it as the gentle warmth caressed her skin, A calm embrace that pacified her worries. It felt peaceful, Something so tranquil that she couldn't help but melt into the porch she was perched on.

She felt the heat of the wood as she laid against it, Like a firm hand cupping her cheek as she basked in the sunlight. Her worries quickly dissolving into nothing at the touch.

Afterlife.. Why did she mistake her everyday as the Afterlife? How did it even come up in the first place? [F/N] had no idea. She huffed lightly, Only mildly confused as she nuzzled further into the comfort of the timber.

She took a moment to take it all in. The rustle of the leaves, The cicadas in the bushes, The clear sapphire skies looking over her. It was beautiful, A serene little world all to herself, It was paradise.

Life was nice, It was simple and tranquil. She tended to the crops, To the shrine and the wellbeing of the forest. And after she was done with that she could spend her day roaming around with the wildlife, Spending time with her brothers and watching them train.

It was good.

"[F/N]..!"

She heard her name called out to her, And without a second thought or any bodily control [F/N] jolted up from her lying position to look across the courtyard.

"Lying on the porch again? You're gonna get sunburn if you keep doing that.."

[F/N] watched her older brother, Michikatsu, Slowly make his way over to her. He had a single hand on the hilt of his sword while the other was wiping the training sweat from off his brow, A light smile playing on his face as he did.

"Michi-Nii! You're back!" [F/N] exclaimed as she hopped up from the porch, Quickly dusted herself off before running over to him and jumping into his arms so swiftly that it made him stumble back a bit.

"Ah! [F/N], You need to be more careful.. You could of knocked me over." Michikatsu scolded, Yet the warmth playing in both his eyes as he held her up told [F/N] all she needed to know.

"As if! You're too tough for that." [F/N] grinned as she looked down on her older brother.

Michikatsu shook his head lightly

"You really give me too much credit sometimes.." Michikatsu remarked as he brought his gaze away from her, His smile was still there yet [F/N] could see the slight quirk.

She reached over and held his shoulder, The touch bringing him back to his senses as he looked right back at [F/N].

"You don't give yourself enough credit, You're able to train for hours at a time and not even get tired. I'd definetly consider that tough!" [F/N] said, The smile evident in her voice as she said so.

Michikatsu frowned

"I hear you saying things like that all the time to Yorichii, You know? I appreciate your words but.." Michikatsu trailed off from his sentence, The venomous undertone spiking in concentration at the mention of his twin.

[F/N] squeezed his shoulder.

"…But Yori-nii doesn't train for hours at a time, Does he? I mean all my words to him, I really do but if I am being honest.." [F/N] paused as she lowered her voice. "You've got drive to be strong. It's really admirable, You know? Yori-nii may be strong and such but honestly, You have the passion to do it.. It's you who I look up to." [F/N] admitted.

A nervous giggle followed her words, Like she was slightly embarrassed by the fact she was actually able to confess it to him.

Michikatsu seemed shocked as he heard this, The light in his blank eyed stare seemed to spark up like wood to friction as he looked up at his sister. The grip on her grew only a smidge tighter as he smiled.

"You.. You really mean that?" Michikatsu asked.

[F/N] beamed back at him, An expression that almost seemed as warm as the sun as she looked back at him.

"Of course I mean it! You're my-" [F/N] cut herself off suddenly, Her words dying on her tongue. The happy grin slowly dissolving into a puzzled frown.

"[F/N]?" Michikatsu asked as he noticed the grip on his shoulder loosen, Then eventually fall to her side.

"You're my.." [F/N] mumbled. Michikatsu set her down onto the ground, Her feet lightly touching the smoothed dirt as she stood there quietly.

Michikatsu went down onto a single knee to level his eyes with her far-off ones.

"[F/N].. Are you alright?" He asked, Eyes searching for the answer as he watched her brows knit together. Her stare returning to him as her visage contorted into a slightly alarmed expression.

"I.. I don't know.. Who are you?" [F/N] exclaimed, Her stance stumbled back. Her breath growing heavy as she felt the world around her darken, The sun burning so bright before seemed to melt away into a endless black void.

"[F/N]" Her name sounded so distorted when he spoke now, As she looked back at him she could see that it wasn't just the sun that was melting.

It was his face too.

Like melting wax his features turned into sludge. His nose, Eyes and mouth all dripped down and fell into a puddle on the ground, Which started pulling them both in like quicksand.

[F/N] screamed.

She tried to pull away once his molten arm lunged out for hers, Yet she was too slow. His rapidly deteriorating limb locking onto hers, Yanking her forward off her feet and into his grasp.

[F/N] cried even louder, Tears starting to rush out of her ducts as she felt the sludge touch her skin.

He kept making noises as he pulled her in, Strangled and choked wails like he was in pain. Like his vocal chords were mangled and severed inside his throat. [F/N] struggled, She flailed about in his hold. Kicked, Punched, Hit, Anything. Anything at all to get out of the sludge starting to envelop her whole.

It latched onto her legs, Onto her arms and her mid-section. It was like it was desperate, Like it's life depended on bringing her as close as possible.

What was happening? Why was the entire world that seemed so tranquil before turn into a candle wax nightmare? The entire world seemed to follow suit of the monster intent on consuming her, Dripping away and mixing together like a raindrops on a window.

Her screams mixed into the dissolving world too, Sounds combining with the shrill cries of the monster as she felt the nigh-boiling heat of his molten flesh grasp onto her face. [F/N] felt her own skin start to bubble.

Then eventually, She felt herself start to melt.

☆♡☆

Her body jolted like skin to an exposed wire, Eyes shooting open as she gasped for air.

She felt her lungs rapidly expand then decrease, A cold sweat running down her back as she tried to gather her racing thoughts. [F/N]'s body felt like it had been frozen to the touch, Both with the sheer temperature of the chilling room and the stiffness of her unthawed limbs. They felt so numb, The only feeling was the minute aching of her joints so far spread that it was like she hadn't moved in weeks.

What happened? [F/N] gripped the side of her head, A throbbing pain in her frontal lobe pulsated as she groaned in pain. It made it hard to recollect herself, To remember what could of happened.

Her spare hand felt around, Vision still a tad blurry as her fingers met the soft touch of thick fabric.

[F/N] tried to blink away the fuzz in her sight as she continued to feel around, It was the cotton bedding of a futon.

She groaned, Finally piecing together enough parts of the puzzle to come to terms of what happened.

[F/N] had fallen asleep, She had another nightmare.

[F/N] sighed. A tired yet tad annoyed exhale of air escaped her lungs as her body stilled onto the futon like a rolling coin, The soft mattress feeling like delicate silk on her skin as she relaxed.

Her memories, They came back to her like a heeling dog. [F/N] recalled the fight with Uppermoon one, Her fatal injuries, The destruction of her shrine.. She felt her heart jolt at the thought of it.

The walls which sheltered her through thick and thin, The ruined hallways that held such talkative life and the ceilings that housed the injured and maimed.. All destroyed within a single night.

The thought of it disgusted [F/N], During the fight she hadn't thought much of it- The raw adrenaline being a distraction to it's fall. She calmed down rather quickly however.

The fight with the Uppermoon, Her injuries, The shrine's destruction. It wasn't real, It couldn't be.

Because she was currently lying in her bedroom.

It was dark, [F/N] could barely see a foot in front of her due to the poor lack of lighting. Despite it however she could make out the basic shapes of furniture lying within the shadows. The closet, The dresser and the tatami mats lain out were all there, Just like they've always been.

The shoji door's that let in only a crack of periwinkle light, The several statues of worship scattered about, Everything she owned, They were here.

It all must of been a dream, Her bedroom was destroyed along with the rest of the shrine so it was completely impossible to be lying down on her futon right now.

[F/N] felt a low frustration rise in her throat. These nightmares were getting out of hand. It was easier when it was the blizzard, Then she knew what to expect, She knew what she was getting into despite how horrid it would be.

Now? Dreams involving "Uppermoon one", Both the melting flesh and the shrine invasion were so much worse. They changed every time, She had no idea what was coming, Had no preparation at all.

The latter was particularly worse. Mitsuri's face, Her hysterical begging for [F/N] not to go, It burned into her mind like a branding. Not to mention the finality of her death only to wake up and find out it was just a nightmare.

[F/N] thought she finally got it over with, She supposed not however, The shrine was proof of that.

Though these dreams had to be a sign, But of what?

[F/N] stretched her arms slightly, Trying to wear off the numbness in her joints as she tried to haul her upper body into a sitting position, Only to yelp out in pain and fall back into the silky mattress.

A sharp pain feeling appeared in her abdomen once she tried to get up, It felt like a dozen knives stabbing into her, Twisting and turning within her guts.

[F/N] groaned, Her hands reaching down to the point of pain only to come to touch with what felt like bandage dressing.

Her eyes widened, Needing to confirm this information she quickly shoved off the covers protecting her from the cold draft. And sure enough, She was right.

Wrapped tightly yet carefully across her abdomen were thick bandages, Wrapped entirely around the front to her back.

Small splotches of red seemed to stain parts of the dressing, One's that made [F/N]'s jaw drop agape as she peered down at her core.

What.. What does this mean..?

Her dream.. In her dream she was fatally wounded, She had finally died.. All due to deep injury inflicted on her. It had to be a dream though, She was in her shrine of course!

But it was here, The dressing was covering the exact place she had been struck.

[F/N] planted both hands on each side of her and with great effort she slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, Careful not to trigger the pain.

Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead as she finally sat up. She was simply dressed in an oversized Jinbei, Sleep clothing that seemed too big for her stature yet stayed comfortable draped on it anyways.

She breathed in and out. What was happening? The shrine around her started to seem more distorted than it did before. Furniture seeming bigger or smaller than she remembered, Things misplaced.

All of it just starting to seem.. off.

It was her shrine but.. Something was wrong. Something very wrong. The feeling creeping up her spine didn't help either. An uncomfortable dread climbing up her back and drenching her in sweat, A feeling that felt like she was being watched.

Her open maw snapped shut. Her body growing rigid in place, The eyes like that of a gorgons.

Something was watching her

From her peripherals, She could see six glowing amber eyes were watching her from within the darkness.

They were piercing. Even though she only dared to see through the corners of her vision she could tell how intense their gaze was, How they seemed to be looking right through her, Glaring right into her soul.

She felt her hands start to tremble. Her mouth growing dry as her thoughts felt like they were going a thousand miles per minute, Racing to find a solution.

The eyes.. There eyes were looking at her.. What was she going to do? What could she do?

[F/N] had no time to think as they started to move.

The six glowing points shifted and moved within the shadows like fireflies. [F/N] could only make out the general shape of the being as it morphed within the darkness into what looked like a standing position.

[F/N] didn't need to have another thought, She knew who it was. It was the man from her 'dreams'.

Uppermoon one.

In her dream or at least what she thought was a dream he seemed much less.. Imposing. It's not to say he wasn't, He certainly was but it was easily ignorable due to the heat of the moment and [F/N]'s own desires.

But now as his frightening form emerged from the dark corners, His sinister prescence nigh-radiating from his figure she could only turn her head over in horror to meet his hellish visage staring right back at her.

This was the man from her dreams. The man in the blizzard, This was him.

The image of his open mouth ready to bite down, Body lunging for her. Teeth digging into the flesh of her arm. All of it flashed in her mind in rapid motion. How could she be so stupid to not figure it out?

This was what Inari was warning her about.

"You're awake.." His voice sent a freezing chill through her system, Her heart feeling like it was restarting inside of her chest as her breathing grew ragged.

Her mask. Where was her mask?

[F/N]'s fight or flight activated. Her fighter instincts finally kicking in as her hand shot out to where her mask usually sat, Hidden within her haori.

But she came up empty, Her hand only touching the side of her jinbei.

Her mask was nowhere in sight.

"I've been waiting so long.. For you to awaken.." Uppermoon one rasped. He took careful calculated steps towards her, A steady pace that moved him closer to [F/N] ever so slowly.

What was he going to do to her? She couldn't fight back, Her mask..

She was completely useless without her mask. It was the source of her body strength, The one she was most used to fighting in. Her body now was too frail, Not to mention the large gash in her abdomen.

She was helpless.

The only thing she could do was back away on the futon, Pushing herself as far into the corner as she could. Get as much distance between him and her as she eyed him up and down, Waiting for his next move.

"W-What do you want.. How am I here..?" Her voice was filled with defensive malice, Yet it shook under the weight of the situation. Her terror seeping through it all.

Kokushibo didn't falter in his stride as he approached her. The room was dark, The only thing illuminated was his eyes as he stopped in front of the futon. Staring down at her shrunken form.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her, His knee's crouching down so he was as close to her level as possible.

[F/N] felt like a sitting duck under him. His hand reached out, Light from his eyes shining off his claws.

She clenched her eyes shut, Not wanting to know wha-

A cold palm touched the side of her cheek, A chilling sensation that felt like dry ice on her skin, So much so that it almost felt a scorching fire.

"Open your eyes.. I want to see them.." He commanded. Out of fear she did what he said and gazed up at him.

She looked upon his face, Her eyes locked onto his that looked down at her with such an odd emotion, Such a strange way his bloodshot eyes seemed so calm. A way that disturbed her down to her very core.

His palm was cupping her cheek, Claws careful not to graze her as his thumb rubbed gently over her skin. Eyes searching for something before a small uncanny smile appeared on his face looking so unnatural on him, Showing off the row of sharp teeth settled in his maw.

"You're here.. You're really here.. The gods have given you back to me after all these centuries.." He mumbled under his breath as his thumb rubbed the outline of her cheekbones.

[F/N] didn't understand, Mind like tangled threads as she spoke out once again.

"W-Where am I.. Why.. W-Why am I alive?" She cried. Tears brimming on the ledge of her eyes as she shied away from his sickening touch, Not for long however as his hand just gripped the side of her face harder, Keeping her in place.

Kokushibo shook his head lightly.

"You are frightened.. It is understandable.. You have woken up with an injury and most assumedly a headache.. I do sincerely apologise for that.. But I ask you to calm down.. You are safe now.." He spoke, His tone trying its best to mimic a comforting tone while [F/N] didn't believe his words for a single second.

She swallowed down the sheer terror in her throat.

"A-Answer me.. W-Why am I here.. Alive?" [F/N] repeated. Kokushibo only caressed the side of her cheek, His face filled up with thought as he began to speak.

"..It is a rather silly question.. Why you are here should already be obvious to you.. And alive..? You are lucky I was able to provide first aid.. Otherwise.." He trailed off, The last of his words going unspoken as his smile dropped.

[F/N] took the chance to speak, A small slither of vigour still left in her as she did.

"It's not obvious at all.. Explain it to me, I-I should be dead.. I should.. Why am I alive, Where am I.. What do you plan on doing with me?" She looked back up at him with the steadiest expression she could muster, One of which he completely ignored in favour of his stare turning.. Miffed.

"You.. You should be aware of why you are here.. Do you not recognise me, Little one?" Kokushibo asked. His demeanour started to shift to a more recognisable aura, Something serious. More dark in the hum of his voice.

"I-I.." She recognised him alright. His face was burned into her vision every time she blinked. Met his eyes every time she slumbered, But judging by the tone of his voice.. That wasn't the right answer.

"No.." [F/N] said, Shaking her head as she watched his frown contort into a scowl. One which she shrunk back into the corner at as he dropped the hand cupping her cheek, Letting it fall to his side.

"I.. No.. You said my name.. You called me by my nickname, The one you always used.. You remember, Don't you?" Kokushibo's voice, The serious tone was still there, Permeating his voice yet the lilt undertone of a pleading man, Desperate and confused radiated within his voice.

[F/N] sharpened her jaw, She had no idea what he was talking about. He spoke as if he knew her, Like she was an old friend yet she couldn't recall ever knowing him.

"I.. I don't know your name.. I-I.. I don't know who you are.." [F/N] replied.

Her words seemed to trigger something within him, His scowl growing more angry as he backed away from the futon. [F/N] watched on as he turned his back to her, His body going completely still, Almost disturbingly so as he just stood there without making a single move.

[F/N] took a deep breath in, One she didn't know she needed as she tried to steady the beating of her drumming heart. The sweat dripped down her face freely, She needed to make a move.

Quietly swinging her legs over the side of the futon she placed them down onto the wooden floorboards, All while eyeing the demon a few feet away from her like an ticking bomb.

[F/N] softly got up from the futon. The pain in her abdomen diluted down, The shock before had caused it to seem worse than it already was. It was bad, But she could work with it, She always had.

She placed another foot down in front of her, The wooden boards were old, She needed to be careful as she quietly circled around him. Trying her best not to alert him to her movements as she went.

[F/N]'s stretched out hand eventually felt the wood of the shoji door, The one letting bioluminescent light through the single crack it made. Feeling around she caught her fingers on the edge.

She carefully slid it open, Though it didn't matter as the careful light illuminating from the other side flooded into the room like a rising sun over a dead night. Snapping Kokushibo out of whatever trance he had been in and jerk his head over to her position.

"You..!"

[F/N] didn't wait to hear what he had to say, Her feet moved for her as she took off into the hallway at the first alarm raised.

She ran throughout the hall barefoot, The sole of her foot feeling the sharp splinters digging into her like porcupine hide as she went. It didn't matter in the slightest though, Not the pain stabbing into her soles or the warped caricature of her shrine's hallways as she sprinted through past the old tapestries and near-ancient support beams.

Is he following me? Where's the exit? Run now, Think later she chided. [F/N] didn't stop for a second to look around or listen out for the possibility of heavy footsteps following her as she went. Her mind was dead-set on escape.

She sharply turned round corners, Fumbled her way through the winding hallways as she finally reached a set of creaked cedar stairs. [F/N] took no time in descending them, Each step slightly bending under her quick motions as she got to the bottom.

Despite the warped mimicry of her shrine, Walls and hallways worn out and minimized, [F/N] could still navigate it with a finesse that left her fast on her feet.

Her internal GPS carried her feet and guided her along. In front of her was the main shrine doors, Two wide cedarwood doorframes with windows that let in a bluish-green light into the shadow blessed pathway.

This was it. She was going to get out, It was only a few more seconds until she reached her salvation. Her exit from this live-nightmare, Such a thought that made her pace quicken. Heart thudding so hard she felt like it would explode.

[F/N] reached out her steady hands, Reaching the door she slammed her hands down and shoved them wide open to where the courtyard should be.

Rushing out int-

[F/N] stride shuddered in its steps. The once determined sprint fizzled out into a walk, Then she stopped completely in her tracks all together.

Her eyes widened, Irises shaking in their sclera as she felt her knees start to wobble.

W-What.. What does this.. Where..

In front of her wasn't the courtyard. No.. It wasn't the courtyard at all.

Standing before her was an infinite sea, An endless dark plane that seemed to stretch on forever. There was no end. Up, Left, Right.. All of it was an infinite expanse in all directions. A fast breeze blew out from nowhere at all, Hitting her face and snapping her out of the horrified trance she was stuck in.

She snapped her head down to the ground she was standing on. What should of been the smooth dirt of the courtyard was instead a wide rickety dock, One that seemed just as endless as the void, Branches of the dock stretching out like tree roots around the shrine connecting and ending seemingly at random.

This.. This couldn't be real… This must be another dream, It had to be! It appeared like a lovecraftian-esque pocket dimension, Nothing from the real world, Nothing from reality at all.

Her palms were clammy. [F/N] took a few wearied steps, Disbelief shown in her eyes as she felt the heel of her foot land on nothing. She yelped out, Quickly backing up onto the dock as she peered over the edge.

It was an aquamarine sea. The one that the dock's structure ventured deep down into the depths of, Blurring out in the faint turquoise glow rising up from the foaming aqua. Gumussevri, The light it emitted being the only source within the infinity surrounding them.

This didn't make sense.. It couldn't.. How could it? [F/N] felt the glimmer of hope extinguish under the seafoam waves of the water below. How could she ever hope to escape..?

[F/N] felt the slow depression of the dock before she heard the footsteps. Heavy, Slow and stoic as she felt the doors behind her shut gently, That being the thing bringing her attention as she turned around.

Kokushibo was only a couple metres away from her. [F/N] felt her eye twitch, That's why he didn't run after her.. That's why he didn't catch her a soon as she stepped foot out of the room.

He knew she had nowhere else to run.

"[F/N].. I am offended.. Why would you try to get away from me..? You.. You must remember me.. You must. You said my name, It's undeniable proof.." He accused, Standing in a complete stance.

His eyes pierced into her like javelins, Sharp and scrutinizing yet it still held that strange quality of desperation. It made her shiver and that in turn made his frown sharpen. How he knew her first name didn't matter to her in that moment, She only opened her mouth ready for a rebuttal.

[F/N] breathed. She had gotten this far.

"I've told you, I don't know your name nor do I know how you know mine. I don't know who you are and I certainly don't know what you want with me.. Whoever you think I am, I am obviously not." [F/N] argued. She bared her teeth, Trying to steady her jaw.

Kokushibo shook his head. He took a single step towards her and in response she took several more back.

"[F/N].. You have been asleep for a few weeks.. I suppose I should of predicted your confusion but.." He paused

"Maybe it's possible that you don't recall.." He muttered. A few weeks?! She had been asleep for several weeks, Assumedly healing under the care of this cold monster standing in front of her acting friendly as it could.

She'd lament over it later though, What mattered was here and now. And right now he was starting to aggravate her.

[F/N] clenched her fist. How stubborn could he be? She didn't know him, Had only seen him as warnings in dreams yet he acted as if they had known each other for decades. He was completely delusional and to spite all the terror she was feeling in this moment, It pissed [F/N] off.

"Then if you do not remember.. Let me refresh your memory, Little one.." Kokushibo said.

"My name is Kokushibo.. I hold the highest rank within the twelve moons, Sitting at Upperrank one.." He started.

"Though.. You should be recognising me as Michikatsu Tsugikuni.. Your older brother.." Kokushibo announced, His eyes staring down onto her, Closely examining her facial expression. Waiting intently for her reaction.

[F/N] stilled. Her body growing rigid as if she was fixed to the dock by nails.

"..I'm sorry.. What?" She asked. Her eyes blinking rapidly as she looked up at him in disbelief.

"..I am your big brother.. And you are my little sister.." He repeated so clearly yet his voice seemed incoherent to her ears. [F/N] swallowed a lump in her throat, If she thought he was delusional before he now looked completely insane to her now.

He was a demon.. An Uppermoon, He must of been hundreds of years old at the very least yet here he was claiming to be her sibling? It didn't add up, He looked at her like she was meant to understand but she couldn't find a single puzzle piece that fit.

"Impossible.. You're hundreds of years old and I have absolutely no older siblings.."

Kokushibo breathed out, The carbon dioxide showing in the chill-raising air as he took another step forward towards her. This time, [F/N] didn't move back.

"Impossible, Yes.. I thought the same thing once I saw you again.. You died near enough five hundred years ago yet there you were.. Bleeding out within the rubble of your desecrated shrine.. For centuries I grieved for you.." He lamented. A sudden pain crossing him as he seemed to recall something deep within him.

He was spouting sheer madness. He was the one who took her here against her own wishes and nursed her back to physical health, It made her heart writhe around inside her and this time she couldn't bite her tongue.

"I-I am not your sister, We are not related in any way… I don't know how goddamn delusional you need to be to think as such! You are a demon, Not my brother.. I want you to piss off and leave me alone, You fucking monster!" [F/N] cried. The terrified tone only an afterthought suddenly grew back into the forefront of her mind as she watched him close.

As soon as the word monster rolled off her tongue his body stilled, His expression going blank as he stared down at her with an unrecognisable expression. It disturbed her right down to her stomach, Even more so when she felt the heat.

"You.. You will not speak to me like that, Little one.." He said through gritted teeth. [F/N] felt her body raise up into that state of flight or fight once more, His soul radiating such a boiling hot heat that [F/N] could feel it in her bones.

It was obvious he was trying to hold back his anger, Yet it spilled out of the brims of his expression. The twitch of his fingers and the glare he gave her, She could tell and it utterly horrified her.

"As your older brother and the last remaining head of our clan.. You will treat me with respect.. It doesn't matter if you're confused or have.. forgotten entirely.. You address me in proper honorifics like a good younger sister should." Kokushibo hissed. Venom near dripping off every word as he started approaching her trembling form.

His footsteps were slow, Drawing out every step as he finally loomed over her. Shadow cast over him as [F/N] looked up at him, Body aching for her to run.

Whatever façade of cold comfort he put up was completely shattered now, His eyes brimming with malice and his fingers itching the reach for the hilt of his sword. Itching to strike her down.

"I've been praying for this day for centuries.. For the wish that you would come back to me.. You said you would never leave me again, And I fully intend to hold you to your promise.. You cannot run.. So come back here now and I will forget this little mistake.. If you do not, I assure your time here will be much more.. Nightmarish.." He commanded lowly. Slowly moving towards her

"..No matter how far you go I will always be right behind you.. You will not escape me."

But that didn't mean she wasn't willing to try.

Her legs moved before she could comprehend she was. Quickly turning around and sprinting off down the dock in her nightwear and splotched dressing as she cried out in sheer utter helplessness.

Kokushibo paused as he watched her go. He didn't bother run after her, He knew she wouldn't get far.

As [F/N] carefully navigated throughout the labyrinth of docks she could hear his quiet voice call after her, Echoing through the void and seeping through her as she ran.

"Tire yourself out all you want.. Run as long and as far as you like but you will never be able to leave me.. Not again. When you come back.. Do not expect to be treated with such affection that I have offered you thus far.. Not until you stop with this stupid rebellious phase of yours.."

Though [F/N] could barely hear him, As his silhouette shrunk further and further into the vastness of the void.

All until he disappeared completely

☆♡☆

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Three soft and precise knocks hit against the thin cut of the rosewood door.

Sounds of quiet shuffling could be heard from within the house, Settling of cups and screeching of chairs as footsteps started to move their way over to the closed entrance.

The door slid open only a peep, Only enough for the weathered face of a middle-aged man to careen his head over to get a good look out past it.

"Hello..?"

"Hello there!" A polite and cheery voice spoke out to him, One that sounded exaggerated and overly-friendly compared to his quiet yet cordial tone. The girl the voice belonged to smiled lightly and clasped her hands together.

"My name is Shinobu Kocho from the Demon Slayer Corps, If I am not mistaken.. This is the Kanroji household is it not?" Shinobu asked. Glassy orchid eyes staring into the ones of the older mans, His own softened at her introduction as he nodded.

"Ah.. Yes. You two must be my daughter's colleague's." He said. The slightly cracked open door slid ajar, His shoulders softening and a small welcoming smile grew onto his aged face as he looked at the two slayers.

Shinobu, A woman of short stature similar to that of a mantis. She held an eternal far off gaze that seemed clouded with the salesman smile plastered onto her face like concrete. Her butterfly haori and short tied hair danced in the wind as he looked over at the other man behind her.

"Greetings.." Was all the other slayer said as he lightly bowed down to him.

Despite being taller than his colleague, He was still rather short. He had a mop of choppy black hair that looked overgrown as it covered his shadowed his face well, That and along with the bandages he used as a mask made his features nigh hidden. The only thing peeking out from over the mask was mismatched eyes.

"Ah, You must have more manners then that!" Shinobu exclaimed lightly as she giggled it off.

"I apologise for my friend here.. This is my co-worker Iguro Obanai. And yes, We're here to see Mitsuri-chan about recent events I'm sure you've been informed of?" Shinobu inquired, Tilting her head to the side while Obanai muttered something under his breath and swept his head to the side.

Mr. Kanroji nodded, His smile only dropping an inch.

"Yes.. I'm aware. You two better come in then." He nodded as he stepped a side, Raising an arm to welcome them into his abode. Shinobu smiled and thanked him as she made her way inside, Iguro following closely behind her as they entered the livingroom.

It was a cosy little room, It was homely and warm yet had enough room for a large family to move around in comfortably. It was beautifully decorated, Clean-cut furniture and masterfully painted moving doors.

It was a rather large family home, The inner walls of the house being compiled of entirely open shoji-doors revealing the wide open plan of the entire building.

"It's a nice home you have.." Iguro muttered as he made his way to the middle of the room.

"Thank you. Me and my wife are both rather house-proud.." He chuckled lightly "It's been easier to take care of since the little ones have grown bigger and gotten much more responsible. I love them all, But do they make mess I'd tell you.."

Shinobu airily laughed along with him.

"Yes! I have a few little girls who I provide for back home with me, Children are quite troublemakers aren't they?" Shinobu replied as she turned to the man.

"Aha! Isn't that the truth.." He smiled. "Though unfortunately we aren't here to talk about our kids.."

"No, Unfortunately not." Iguro confirmed, Nodding his head lightly as he started talking.

"It's about The Shrine Invasion Incident that occurred a few weeks ago, We're here to talk to Mitsuri-san about what happened when she was there and get her statement. About both the demon that attacked and the.. Casualties" Iguro explained.

Mr. Kanroji sighed.

"Yes. You're referring to [F/N], Right?" He asked.

Shinobu nodded.

"Correct. I understand that [F/N] was very close to Mitsuri-chan.. That and along with Fujimori-san of course." She said. As she did she slid a quick wink over to Mr. Kanroji and subtly signalled towards Iguro, Who didn't notice a thing.

Mr. Kanroji paused before nodding back.

"Right. Come, We can discuss this while we walk" He said. Beckoning them with his hand and turning his back and starting to walk at a leisurely pace out of the livingroom. Both slayers nodded and followed after him.

"So, Can you recall what happened when she came home?" Shinobu asked him as she trailed behind.

"Yes. It was in the early morning.. Both me and my wife were barely awake when we heard the banging on the door. When we opened it she just ran into my arms, She was hysterical and we could barely make a word out of what happened.. It was a painful sight to see.." He explained, Shaking his head.

"Ah.. I see" Shinobu said. "I'm aware that you and your wife were also quite familiar with [F/N]?"

Mr. Kanroji smiled once again yet it held none of that bright attitude he had before, It was instead blocked by a dark cloud hanging over him like a noose.

"Right.. Mitsuri and [F/N] were basically inseparable back when they were young, So much so that she was over at our place most of the time. [F/N] didn't have the best home life you see, Not that she had much of one to begin with but.. She stayed over so often, Helped out with chores and played with the younger kids so much that at points I even considered her my own. And I'm pretty sure my wife did too" Mr. Kanroji tried to play off the sombre undertone in his voice with a light-hearted giggle, Yet it was futile under the heaviness of his bleak voice.

"It was horrible when the news came to light. We both were broken up by her.. Choice of actions. But Mitsuri.. She just.. She just broke down entirely." He said. Shinobu's eyes narrowed in confusion.

Choice of actions, What he meant alluded her.

Before she could question it however he stopped at a closed door, A rarity amongst the open ones spread about the walls of the house. He turned around and looked at them with a serious expression.

"Alright then, This is it." He started as he looked down at the both of them

"Please, When you go in try to be gentle when speaking with her. Don't try to overwhelm her or make any sudden noises.. She's not in the best mental state right now." He said quietly, Nigh-whisper as he waited for their answer.

"Understood." They both said in unison.

Mr. Kanroji nodded before turning back to the door.

Raising a single fist he lightly knocked at the paper shoji door. He smiled a best as he could as he spoke.

"Pumpkin? Are you awake..?" He called out.

…

There was no answer.

Iguro shifted around uncomfortably in his stance. Mitsuri Kanroji, The woman he loved and cared for.. She wasn't anything like this. He knew her well. He knew she loved to eat, He knew the way her lip quirked when she was confused and he certainly knew she was a light sleeper.

Anything could wake her. A sneeze or the drop of a pin, Anything at all. And it was certain that she would definetly wake at the light knock on her door. For her not to answer was concerning at best. Mr. Kanroji tried once more.

"Your friends from work are here to see you.. It's about a few weeks ago.." He called out once more though this time you could hear the audible shake in his speech.

…

"Come in.."

A weak voice called out from behind the door, It was so quiet that you could barely hear it. Both Shinobu and Iguro took a glance at each other before Mr. Kanroji grabbed onto the handle and slowly slid the door open.

It was dark. That was the first thought that entered their heads as they finally saw the inside to the room, Their sole source of vision being the new light from the other side flooding in only a crack to reveal only the bare shapes of furniture inside.

"I'll leave you two to it.." Mr. Kanroji whispered as he stood behind the open door, Nodding towards the room.

"Thank you.." Shinobu replied lowly as she took the first few steps in, Iguro following closely behind as she slowly entered the abyss that was Mitsuri's room.

From what they could make out, It looked more like a guest room than it did an actual room. The source of light was the window which was meant to be open, Instead it was locked and bolted shut tight leaving their environment hard to navigate.

CLANK!

Iguro's foot hit against something on the floor, Looking down he gagged slightly.

It was a small plate of food. It looked to be a normal meal consisting of pork cutlets and a side of omurice. Though on closer inspection Iguro spied the signs of mould starting to gather up on the meat from most likely a day or two, It hadn't been touched at all.

Iguro swallowed down his bubbling concerns and tried to ignore the smell as he stepped around it.

Both Shinobu and Iguro moved towards the centrepiece of the room of which being a large futon. Growing closer they could see the shapes of several duvets and pillows scattered amongst it, Reminiscent of a crows nest from the built up barrier around the lump poking out from under one of the duvets.

Shinobu kept up her smile, Though as she moved it started to look more strained and forced like one you'd see on an advertisement or billboard.

They finally reached the futon. Both Shinobu and Iguro shuffled around the side, Avoiding scattered clothes and stray furniture as they tried to get a better look.

They could barely see anything at all, Both from the lack of light and the duvet covering the girl below it. The only thing they could make out was only the upper half of her face sticking out from under it, Lime irises staring up at both of them.

Iguro bit his tongue. He backed up a bit as his hands reached out for the window-shutters. Eyes not taken off of Mitsuri's as he opened it up, Letting the late-morning light fill the dark void of the room.

Once the sunlight bounced off the walls of the room, Shinobu's smile quickly switched down to a frown while Iguro's shoulders tensed up.

The room was much more of a mess than first thought to be. The odd scattered clothing or two turned out to be more like piles.

Uneaten meals more rotten than before were also placed about, Some on furniture, Some on the floor.

But what really put off the two was the girl they called a friend, Lying curled up in a fetal position within the bedding.

Now that the light hit her face she flinched back from the sudden exposure, Eyes clenching closed to prevent the sudden light hitting her pupils flood in. Both of them noticed the swollen red under her eyes and her stuffy nose, To which she sniffled lightly every so often.

"Mitsuri-chan.." Shinobu mumbled, Her face a practiced sympathy as she took another step forward towards the futon. She stopped however when the sudden movement of Mitsuri cut her off, Mitsuri hauling herself out from under the covers and up into a sitting position

"I.. Sorry about that.. Comfortable position and all.." Mitsuri giggled lightly. Yet the sound never quite reached her bloodshot eyes.

Coupled with the greasy tangle that was her hair and the rather shaky smile she held it was obvious to see her true self in that moment. Iguro took his turn to take a step forward.

"Mitsuri-san.. I.." He felt the words caught on his tongue once he looked down upon the painful expression of the girl in front of him. Despite lying in bed it looked like she hadn't slept for days, Weeks even.

"Y-You're here about a few weeks ago right? Were you able to look at the ruins..? F-Find anything?" Mitsuri's voice shook more than her ear to ear smile, It wasn't liked Shinobu's perfectly perfected one. No, It was instead like an unknowingly widowed wife in the ER room lobby, Waiting in ignorant bliss for what she assumed was just a cut.

Both Iguro and Shinobu shared another glance at one and other. Both having a silent conversation between the two before Shinobu turned her head back around to face Mitsuri.

"Well.. We were able to get a report back from the ruins of the shrine.." Shinobu started. Reaching within her butterfly haori she pulled out a small piece of folded paper.

Starting to unfold it she peered down and started to read.

"Lets see here.. There were more injuries than casualties.. Seventy two severely injured and thirty four deaths. Majority of the casualties being Kakushi and Lower ranked slayers.." Shinobu read out, Eyes scanning down the list.

Mitsuri slowly nodded.

"T-That's unfortunate.. I hope their families are doing okay.." Mitsuri replied softly, The first glint of genuine concern showing from behind her eyes.

"But.. Erm.." She started again.

Shinobu nodded, Sad smile painted. Mitsuri didn't have to finish her words for Shinobu to know what she meant.

"Yes.. About [F/N] and Fujimori.." The mention of the names caught Mitsuri's attention immediately, Her head perking up to give her undying regard as the glint in her eyes burned back up.

Shinobu's nose twitched, Body stiffening ever so slightly.

"..We weren't able to recover any bodies.."

The light in Mitsuri's irises started to grow, Yet it wasn't from the hope or finality of the news. Instead it was the reflection off the water starting to grow at the rims of her eyes.

Shinobu took in a deep breath and continued.

"The only trace was of Fujimori.. Which was a pool of blood located near the back of the shrine." Shinobu shook her head, Trying not to focus on Mitsuri as she continued.

"Our leading theory is that.. Well.. Fujimori was most likely eaten by the demon in question.. There was nothing left of him.." Shinobu whispered, Yet within the confines of the room it sounded like an reverberated scream to Mitsuri's ears.

And that's what broke the dam.

Mitsuri let out a quiet cry, Her shaky smile still spread wide across her face as the tears in her eyes flooded over. Rolling down her cheeks and dripping onto her lap as choked noises escaped her hoarse throat.

"Mitsuri-san-!"

Iguro instantly went into action at the first sound of her cries, He quickly moved over to her side, Sitting down next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. Which was quickly dismissed by Mitsuri.

"D-Don't touch me.. Just, Please.. N-Not now.." Mitsuri wept. Iguro quickly obliged, Moving away from her on the bed as she planted her face into her palms. Shinobu looked on as she put the paper away, Eyes filled with pity.

"I.. I-I can't believe this.. I.. Why didn't I recognise the signs.. I.. D-Doesn't she remember our promise..?" She whispered. Her nails digging into her skin as she looked through the cracks of her fingers, Eyes staring off into the distance of the floor.

"She..? What do you mean by signs..?" Iguro asked lightly.

Mitsuri withdrew her face from her hands to look up at Obanai. Her eyes meeting the mismatch of his with a disbelieving gaze, Like his tongue spoke of heresy to her very own religion.

Her pained voice spoke out once again.

"F-Fujimori.. [F/N].. They.. They're the same person.. And I.." Mitsuri whispered.

Iguro's eyes widened to that of circles, He shook his head adamantly and responded quick to her.

"No.. That's impossible. Fujimori and [F/N] look completely different, How could they be the same?" Iguro asked. His soft voice was still present yet there was an edge to it, A sharp confusion and bafflement at her words.

Mitsuri didn't listen to him, It was like he wasn't even there.

"I-I knew it was there.. I really did but I just.. I-I just ignored them.. If I had tried just a little harder.. I-If I just.." Mitsuri's voice seemed to break down into children's babble, Ranting off under her breath about this and that Iguro just couldn't understand.

He took a step closer.

"Mitsuri.. Please, Tell me what you mean.." Iguro asked softly. He lowered down onto a single knee to match her eye level, Pleading silently with her to tell him.

Mitsuri mumbled something so quiet, So incomprehensible that neither Iguro nor Shinobu could hear.

"What did you say..?"

Mitsuri's lip quivered. Bloodshot eyes staring back at him with that disfigured smile still on her face. Her voice only turning up a single notch as they were finally able to make out what she said.

"[F/N].. S-She killed herself."

Shinobu's frown sharpened into a tight-lipped grimace. Iguro's brows furrowed, His bandaged mask concealing his parted lips, Information still processing in his mind.

"I-If I just tried a little harder.. If I just made sure she was okay, Said hello or just.. Just ask her what was wrong.. S-She would've still been here with me.. I.. I did this.. I-I shouldn't of let go of her hand, I shouldn't of let go.."

Mitsuri's gaze was Far-off as she stared back into the vivid face of [F/N] appearing in her mind. The blank eyes so dull like she was nothing more than a caricature of her true self, The tried and true smile, The angle of her nose and the dimensions of her face.

All of it she tried so hard to cling onto. Grasping desperately at the memory, Begging with whatever god was up there. Pleading with whatever was listening that she wouldn't forget her face.

Yet as she continued to imagine her face, It faded further and further away from her grasp. Already blurring into a distant memory along with the warmth of her hand drifting away from her palms.

Iguro looked back at her. His heart felt like it was twisting and turning inside him, Hurting at the sight of the woman he held so close to it.

The new information felt so unsolved in his mind, He doubted it. Yet the raw grief that was coming from Mitsuri in front of him made it seem so real. Yet, He needed to question it once more.

Though before he could, He felt a small tap on his shoulder. Looking up only to come face to face with Shinobu.

"Iguro-san.. I think you should go wait outside." Shinobu said. Her voice suddenly serious, A side of which was barely shown through her friendly disguise.

He looked back at her and she stared back down at him with an unwavering gaze.

Iguro nodded slowly before getting up from his kneeling position. As he quietly moved out of the room he took only a single glance back at the two of them, All before opening the door and exiting the room.

As soon as the door slid shut Shinobu made her move, Head turning towards Mitsuri who looked up at her with the gaze of a wounded animal.

"Mitsuri-san.. These are massive claims, I don't mean to be insensitive but could you explain to me what happened? According to reports you were rather hysterical, Both from the handmaiden escorting you out and the various people you asked about [F/N]'s whereabouts." Shinobu asked. Voice levelled and calm, Her friendly self back up with a small smile to contrast her words.

Mitsuri didn't waste anytime for a shaky hand to extend out behind her towards her pillow, Reaching under it she carefully fished out a worn piece of paper. It was folded several times and looked rather worn from first sights.

Shinobu carefully plucked it out of her hands once it was offered. Carefully unfolding the flaps she held it in her hands and started to read.

Mitsuri sat there uncomfortably on the bed despite the mountain of pillows and blankets surrounding her. She had stopped crying at this point but by no means did that make her okay.

Her form was trembling as if she was in the middle of a hailing blizzard. She felt as if she wasn't in her body, Like she was just looking through the vision of someone else entirely while she was just a spectator within her own mind.

Shinobu's glassy eyes scanned over the paper, Carefully reading over every line with upmost delicacy as her gaze descended downwards.

She reached the bottom, The finality of the signature registering in her mind.

Shinobu was quiet.

But after a moment, She let out a single sigh.

"I see.. Well.. That's unfortunate.." Was all she said. She refolded up the paper in her hands and sitting it down on the windowsill.

Suddenly brought back into her own body, Mitsuri's head snapped over to look up at Shinobu. Her mouth going agape along with her eyes as she looked up in disbelief.

"..Is that all you have to say?" Mitsuri asked. [F/N]'s note, Her very last words written down onto a carefully made parchment. The story of her life, The words she could never express to anyone aloud yet scribed down with her entire heart and soul put onto this single letter.

And Shinobu just shook it off, Like it was absolutely nothing.

"Well.. It's an unfortunate turn of events, Taking one's life always is. Though I do have to admit I never saw it coming.." Shinobu said, That same tone of plain apathy dripped off every syllable and hit Mitsuri like acid as she stood up.

"H-How could you?" Mitsuri gawked. Her unstable footsteps numb from hours of not walking as she took a few steps toward Shinobu.

"[F/N] was your friend too.. You're the only other Hashira who ever knew about the truth.. She.. S-She trusted you.." Mitsuri exclaimed, Her previous cries starting to boil and hiss into a rising anger as her face twisted into an ugly expression.

Shinobu's shoulders raised as she looked back at her, The anger on Mitsuri being a completely foreign view. She wasn't even acting like herself anymore, [F/N] really meant that much to her..

"Yes.. She did." Shinobu agreed "I'm not trying to say-"

"You don't need to say anything, Y-You're making it clear enough!" Mitsuri butted in. Her arms raising to hug her self as she feverishly shook her head, Trying to keep herself calm.

"T-This isn't just my fault.. This is yours too. This is everyone's fault.." Mitsuri heaved. Her breathing picked up speed as her overgrown nails dug into her elbows, Backing up a bit as she did.

"Mitsuri-san.. You're not yourself right now, You're still in the grieving process. You don't mean what you're saying.." Shinobu said.

Mitsuri looked back up at her, Sheer rage burning inside her eyes like infernoes

"H-How many of the Hashira actually liked [F/N]..? How many of them insulted her every time she was late to a meeting? How many snide looks.. How many nasty comments, Shinobu? T-Tell me.. How many?" Mitsuri choked out. Shinobu could feel the strain as it did.

"I.. I don't kn-"

"How many?!" Mitsuri yelled, Her voice shaking the very walls of the room she was in. Quickly turning away from Shinobu, Her hands grasped both sides of her head catching strands of messy hair in-between them.

"[F/N] never harboured any true resentment towards anyone! S-She may not of been on time or handled her duties well but she cared for every last one of us, A-And the only thing she got in return was scorn.." Mitsuri at this point broke down into strangled sobs. She hugged herself tighter as Shinobu could only watch her.

"G-Get out.. Y-You did this, We both did.. But.. Y-You don't even care at all…" Mitsuri ordered. Turning her back on Shinobu as she tried to reach out a hand to her.

"Mitsu-"

"GET OUT!" Mitsuri screamed, Turning back to Shinobu with a high-pitched wail as it faded back into soft cries. Mitsuri fell back onto her bed, Pulling her knees up to her chest and pressing her face into them.

Shinobu didn't need to be told twice. She turned her back and walked away towards the door.

However she stopped once her hand gripped onto the handle.

"Mitsuri-san.. Just for the record, I may not show it but I do care for [F/N].. She really was my friend and trusted comrade. I don't mean to be indifferent.. I am not at all.. I.. I really will miss her a lot. Me and the rest of the Hashira may not have favoured her at points, But she was still apart of our ranks and was our comrade.. We.. We all grieve in our own ways.. And I promise you.. One day, We will get vengeance on the demon who did this.. We'll avenge her, I promise you."

That was all Shinobu said. Mitsuri lifted her head from her shins but she couldn't see Shinobu's expression. Her back to hers, Mitsuri could only see her high shoulders shake and the grip on the sliding door tighten.

But it faded almost immediately. Shinobu slid the door open and stepped out.

Closing it over and walking away.

☆♡☆

Heavy yet light footsteps hit the rickety wood in quick succession, Each step taking no time to waste as [F/N] kept running faster and faster along the spiderweb docks.

[F/N] had to plan her movements in advance, The dock was hard to navigate with branches ending at random and others looping straight back around in the opposite direction. If she wasn't careful she could be thrown overboard at any moment, And she didn't want to find out whether the bioluminescent water was safe or not.

It felt like she had been running for hours, The infinite sky showing no sign of an end or exit in sight. But [F/N] knew it had to of only been half an hour or so, Otherwise she would of already collapsed.

Kokushibo was nowhere to be seen. Once [F/N] had taken off running she thought he would be dead on her tail, Chasing her down for even daring to leave whatever he had planned for her.

"My name is Kokushibo.. I hold the highest rank within the twelve moons, Sitting at upperrank one.. Though.. You should be recognising me as Michikatsu Tsugikuni.. Your older brother.."

Was he delusional? Out of his mind? Or could he be manipulating her with some so-crazy-it-works method. Michikatsu Tsugikuni, The name meant absolutely nothing at all. Her older brother he called himself, There was simply no way in hell that could of been true.

He was a centuries old demon, Whatever parents gave birth to him would of died a good long while ago. It was impossible that they could've been related but..

"Impossible, Yes.. I thought the same thing once I saw you again.. You died near enough five hundred years ago yet there you were.. Bleeding out within the rubble of your desecrated shrine.."

Maybe, Just maybe she shared some resemblance to the sister he had as a human. And maybe she shared the same first name as she did. And when he saw said resemblance, Somehow in his mind he had decided that they were the same person and then decided to spare and kidnap her away to this cold hell.

Even then that was baffling on its own.

[F/N] had saw from first hand experience how a demon would rip apart its own siblings, Parents or children just for another meal. Demon's had no sentimental attachment to much of anything, Especially not people.

So why? Why would he do this, Kidnap her away and try to feign an act of familiarity with her? Demons don't do that, They don't think that way. [F/N] swallowed back a lump in her throat.

How much did his sister mean to him? Was she really that important that he would still hold affection towards her?

But either way he wasn't anywhere at all.

No noises, Glimpses or auras. Nothing.

She had no time to dwell on it, She chided herself for getting distracted over a demon. Run now think later. The prospect of escaping whatever pocket dimension she had been siphoned to was vivid in her mind, A yearning feeling brought back to the primal desire for survival as she kept going and going.

Her abdomen hurt too, Every time she moved it felt like a needle jabbing into her side. She tried her best to ignore the pain however, She couldn't let it stop her now, Not since she got this far.

But then it hit her.

Why was she trying so hard to escape?

Her sprint faltered only a little as the thought crossed through her mind. Her lip upturned. Why was she trying so hard?

[F/N] wanted to die. She wanted to find an end for months, To get it over and done with and get out of everyone's way. To stop being such a stain on the Hashira and a burden on the corps. She had no use, No worth or redeemable qualities.

She may of killed a thousand of their kind, She may of been given the title of being the strongest Hashira but that name weighed down on her shoulders like steel blocks.

It wasn't a title, It was an expectation.

And [F/N] couldn't live up to it, She didn't even want to live at all. So why was she running? Why didn't she throw herself into the docks or go back to slaughterhouse behind her? Why was her body so insistent on continuing?

Because.. Because.. She wanted to die, Not be tortured. That's the reason. If she was here then it was obvious she was wanted alive, If she did try to throw herself off then whose to say Kokushibo wouldn't be watching her right now and prevent her from doing so?

If she was here he might be wanting information, The location of the Ubuyashiki estate. This entire 'dead little sister' thing was just a manipulation tactic to get it out of her! And once he realised she wasn't falling for it he'd resort to more violent methods.

Yes, That's the reason.

Turning around another dock and searching for a path she stared out into the open distance of a void. Her heart burned, There had to be an escape. She was so tired, She felt like she was going to collapse any second.

And that's when she saw it.

In the distance, Staring off into the vastness of the void she could make out a vague shape settled amongst the darkness.

Her eyes sparked up, Lit aflame as she spied her saving grace, The light at the end of the tunnel. Something had finally changed after running for so long.

Her pace picked up along with her breathing, Her breaths turning into light wheezes under her normal rhythm as she took far strides.

Sweat beads dripped down from her brow and stained her jinbei, Everything burned. Muscles ached but she kept moving forwards, Kept going faster and faster towards the building in the distance, Getting closer and closer.

Keep going, Almost there.. I can do this- I can escap-!

[F/N] stopped in her tracks.

Her sprint jittered down until she was completely still, Fixed on place to the dock as she stared up towards the building, One now looming over her like a guillotine.

It.. It was her shrine.

Towering over her was the behind of the shrine, The other side from which she came from. The walls, tiles, Wooden frames and the closed shut windows. Her eyes scanned over it in disbelief, The realisation crashing into her.

She had done a full circle, She had just came back from the way she came.

T-This can't be true.. How could this be-!

[F/N] felt her heart fall into her stomach along with her knee's collapsing to the ground, Finally giving out from exhaustion as her eyes were still locked on the shrine.

Her knees hit the wooden docks, Splinters digging into her bare shins as she felt all hope leave her body. She had been running for so long, The docks didn't loop or go in a circle, If it did she would of known. But how was she back here? How?

Heart drumming faster in her chest her head felt light and airy as if she was thousands of feet in the air. Nausea creeping up her throat and unsettling her stomach even more than it already was. As she felt herself fade, She had only one thought.

How.. How is this fair?

☆♡☆

Kokushibo walked slowly down the wooden step-way of the shrine it surrounded.

Taking a few careful steps down the stairway he felt the weight of it depress under him, Reaching the bottom he peered over from the corner he stood next to.

He watched the body of his younger sister collapse onto the dock, Her chest raising and lowering rapidly as if she was starved of air. Her hair was a mess along with her clothing and general appearance.

It was nothing he didn't expect however. He knew she would tire herself out eventually, Run until she couldn't and fall down onto the ground. He knew it would happen, And he couldn't help but feel a sense of catharsis out of it.

He stalked up towards her, All until he was staring down at her defeated form in front of him. Kneeling down with her neck exposed, Easily cut and easy to wring at any given moment.

In any other scenario this would of been a sort of guilty pleasure, The way life was held within his hands felt so electrifying. He never took time on making people grovel before him, He never saw the need to.

He was after strength, To stay eternally strong forever. Not to make insignificant and weak human beings bow down to him.

But he couldn't deny the way he dictated human life with the edge of his blade felt great. And it tasted even better once he bit into their throats, Tearing out their jugular giving them no time to scream as the sweet nectar of their blood hit his tongue.

It was empowering. But, It was different in this scenario.

He didn't feel any sense of power over the girl in front of him, Not the way he usually would anyways. As he looked over her broken form the only thing that he felt was.. Pity.

"Are you done now..? Have you tired yourself out..?" Kokushibo asked in that usual monotone voice. He sounded as if he didn't care, As if his sister lying stray on the dock meant absolutely nothing to him. But he knew that wasn't the case.

[F/N] didn't answer, It seemed as if she had fainted.

Again, It was predictable. She had just woken up after sustaining injury and had used all her energy to try and run away, Only to collapse right back at the place she had tried to escape from.

Kokushibo gritted his teeth slightly. This wasn't how he thought this was going to go.

He assumed that she remembered him. Throughout the time he had taken her, Cared for her wound and nursed her back to health he had heard murmurs from within her sleep. Places, Memories and names only she should of known was what she mumbled in her unconscious state.

He assumed that as soon as she had awoken she would remember him, Feel just as elated as he was at their reunion.

But now he knew that wasn't the case, And if he was being honest? It made him angry.

Kokushibo kneeled down. Reaching his arms out he scooped up her limp body into his arms to settle her within them.

He got up and examined her face, Her eyes and her hair. Every angle and dimension of her face he surveyed left and right. This was her, Everything just lined up too perfectly not to be.

Same name, Same face and Haori. Not to mention that she spoke his name once.

Kokushibo held onto her tighter as he started to walk away with her in his arms. He moved up the stairway careful not to drop her. He moved quickly yet steadily towards the entrance of the shrine.

Entering the building and shutting the door behind him with his foot and made his way up to the second floor where her bedroom was located.

Once he got there he slid open the shoji door, Letting the aquamarine flood the shadows of her room as he walked towards her futon.

Setting her down onto the mattress and tucking her in the duvet with the utmost care, He looked at her once more.

Kokushibo was angry. He truly was livid. The mere fact that she didn't even remember him angered him, Even more so once she called him a monster. He loathed the way he felt his heart wretch in that moment.

Yet he couldn't bring himself to hate her. A part of him wanted to dispose of her, To get rid of her entirely. She was a weakness, Something Kokushibo just could not afford.

But the much larger, Louder part of him detested this with all he had. As the thought of killing her entered his mind he felt disgusted, Horrified at the mere imagining of her being harmed.

She was the only person who ever loved him more than Yorichii. The one person who saw him for himself instead of his brother, She admired him. She loved him. How could he bring himself to hurt her? Kokushibo took in a deep breath, The anger kept at bay as he smiled lightly at her unconscious state.

Even if she didn't remember him, That doesn't mean she won't in due time. The pieces of the puzzle were already there, They were just waiting to be solved is all. Even if she had some 'new life' or whatever may have happened to her. Maybe.. No.. It didn't matter, She was here. That's what mattered.

He breathed out once more. 'Her new life', It felt so wrong as he thought about it. Kokushibo found her as a Hashira of all things, One he had struck down as a man like a god to a heretic.

Gods, He had questions. He had so many questions.

How was she here back with him? How did she become an entirely different person while fighting him? Where did she learn or how would he get her to remember him? Hundreds of questions rushed through his head. Possibilities and chances.

He tucked a small strand of hair behind her ear. He had many questions, And he'll get answers eventually when she was awake.

His little sister was finally brought back to him. The one who died in his arms and the one he would never let go of again. She'll learn to accept her fate here, Understand she has nowhere to run. She'll understand her place was here with him, Her big brother.

He'd crush whatever rebellious phase she was going through, Whatever disobedient little chapter of life she was going through right now. Insulting him, Running away..

He breathed out, Trying to keep away the bloodlust at the thought of her escaping.

She was safe now, And that's all that matters.

Next Chapter

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Twenty-Seven

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, panic attack, stalking, online bullying, serious mental health issues.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

❗❗ author’s note: This chapter includes serious mental health situations in the past of a character, involving in this case voluntary treatment in a mental facility. Treatment for Depression, Anxiety, and Grief Counselling. Please beware of these potential triggers. I am in no way a medical professional writing this.❗❗

an2: finished editing last night, so you are getting this baby EARLY, going to try and be back to my usual schedule! Now.. concerning this part.. *hides*

tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @jilliemiw86 @ilovesamkiszka @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses @laurpartyprogram @sunsshinesunny @malerieee

Tag List is Open, please let me know if you would like to be added to it or in general.

Talia took in a surprised breath when Chris said he’d been committed. She would never in her life say that she thought he was the type, because who in their mind was the type, was she the type? No. No one was a person she could look at and think, oh, that would be someone she for sure thought should end up in an institution at some point in their life. She would absolutely hate herself if she did. Even the people who talked to themselves didn’t deserve to be thought of that way, they were people who were in desperate need of help, not people who needed to be judged like that, it was cruel. Still, at that moment, knowing what she did already, she was lost.

She glanced from Chris to Ricky, unsure of what to think, and saw the concerned expression passed between them, Rick reached for Chris’ hand, and she swallowed slightly, her soulmate tattoo tingling, but it wasn’t upsetting, it was… she wasn’t sure how she’d describe the feeling. When did she start categorising them? Pleased.. Whatever was driving these feelings, it was pleased.. Seeing him comfort his friend, seeing this side of him, was that it, was it pleased, this, the bond between them. She watched, staying quiet as they spoke softly, whispering, not wanting to interfere, but hearing whispered words, knowing they weren’t for her though.

“Are you sure..”

“She’s bound to find out-”

“But-”

“Rick, I know you’re worried, I get it, but I trust her.”

As Chris’ whispered explanation of why he should tell her to Ricky continued, Talia chose to purposely pushed them from her mind. She didn’t want to be unworthy of that trust, unworthy of her friendship with Chris, because with how close they had gotten, he meant the world to her. He had become more important to her than he could possibly know, and it, and the thought that he was willing to trust her with something so personal like this.. Looking down at her hands, trying not to think about the fact that she’d just trusted them with something that she’d not spoken of out-loud about since she’d left the facility, to anyone. Not even Ava.

She should tell her the truth, she should tell all her friends and hope that they won't hate her for hiding it from them for so long. Taking in a deep breath, holding it for a moment to ground herself, before letting it out slowly, just grounding herself for a moment while the boys sorted themselves out. Chris’ voice, clear and no longer whispering, brought her back.

“You okay, JellyBean?”

Chris looked across the table, whispering with Risky, semi-arguing with him about the validity of telling her the whole story about everything that had happened. Rick didn’t understand why he had to tell her, when part of the reason his life was as peaceful as it was from stalkers and shit these days, was that no one outside the immediate band and crew that we trusted implicitly, knew. The thing was, he wasn’t sure he could explain it to Ricky, but even though he’d only known her for a short time, he did trust her, especially after hearing what they’d just heard.

This was a woman who has had her soul bond ripped open by not only her own flesh and blood family, whom she could no longer trust, but strangers that her family put their trust in more than her, and she still came out fighting to keep going. He’d seen her over this past week, sitting in that café, laughing, and smiling, and was the most wonderfully sweet person, even after what she’d been through. Yes, he trusted her, because, above all she was right here, sitting with her soulmate, she didn’t give in, she didn’t give up. Well, some might say she did, but she didn’t do that because of the doctors, she did that because of a fucked up stalker that tipped the scales just a little bit too far, and frankly, Chris got it now. The day Talia had seen Ricky with Grace, had seen them together, and seen what she thought him to be, happy, he more than understood why she took that giant step back and didn’t fight against it. When someone you were destined to love was happy, all you wanted, was that happiness for them.

When Talia’s eyes opened and met his and a soft smile curving across that beautiful face, Chris returned it,

“There she is, are you okay? We don’t have to talk about this if it’s going to be too much?”

And yet it was Chris’ hand that Ricky was squeezing slightly, his fingers tight, he knew how he got about the whole thing, if he only knew lately.. If he only knew.

“I’m okay, Chris, are you?”

He nodded slightly in response to her worry, just keeping his gentle smile.

“Yes, but I should really start from the beginning, it’s a bit of a story, some of which you probably know, but not everything. Are you okay with that?”

Hearing everything, Chris didn’t want to put this all on her, it had been an intense day, and he didn’t want her to feel like she had to take the weight of his story on top of it at the same time. However, before he had much time to worry about whether she was going to have a hard time with the situation, she was shifting her chair along the table so she could reach for his other hand, a comfort from both of them, his fingers curving around her delicate ones.

“As long as you’re comfortable, Chris, I’m not going anywhere.”

His smile growing at the thought, squeezing both of their hands gently,

“Well, you probably know I was in a long-term relationship, we were engaged, wedding planning, had a date set.. Venue booked.. Her dress was picked out and being altered, it was..”

He sighed remembering, looking down at the table, just finding a spot on the wood, barely paying attention to the fact that neither of them had let go of his hands, but at the same time, his fingers were clinging to theirs a bit tightly. Chris needed the touch not to get lost in the memories, for in more ways than one, which he knew she’d understand. 

“It’s common knowledge in the fan base that she wasn’t my soulmate, but neither of us cared, we loved each other, and wanted to be together.. At least that's what I thought, how we felt at the time.”

Chris shook his head slightly, this wasn’t even the hardest part to talk about, but it all lead to why he’d been committed, because if he just said the little bit at the end, it didn’t tell close to the full picture.

“A few weeks before we were meant to be married, a woman claiming to be my soulmate turned up, her tattoo was perfect, a fake, but perfect, so she thought. I knew she wasn’t my soulmate, I proved it easily, I’d laid out false trails for my soulmate tattoo years ago. Where it was, what it was, how big it was, she was not my soulmate.”

He felt Ricky’s hand squeeze his firmly, he knew, Ricky had been through all of this with him, he’d had to deal with the whole debacle as well, and now again with Grace on a whole different level. Chris felt for Rick, because hiding his tattoo was so much worse for him than Chris, at least his could go under his shirt most days, there was a reason that there wasn’t very many shirtless photographs out there of him in the world. Those that there are, he’d covered in paint and makeup usually, so it worked for him.

“My fiancé, however, didn’t take it well, she tried to continue like it didn’t matter, but during the lead up to the wedding my fiancé became, distant. Worried about what she was thinking I tried to reassure her, I tried to help everything go as smoothly as humanly possible, but, nothing helped, nothing worked.. I loved her, and she.. A few days before the wedding she broke it off. She couldn’t handle the possibility my soulmate could turn up, and so publicly try to claim me.”

“The way she fucking said that, as if you were something for your soulmate to own.. Cunt.”

“Ricky!” Chris looked over at him, scolding him, despite the fact this was no the first time he’d heard him speak of her in such a hostile way.

“What? She was! I’m sorry Chris, but what she did was fucking shit, I get it, she was having second thoughts, but she blamed you, and how you were famous, how and your soulmate could turn up at any time. Well funnily enough, her soulmate could have turned up at any fucking time too, but she didn’t think about that, now, did she?”

Chris took in a breath, yea, that was something he’d thought about as well, and Ricky was spot on, but he didn’t want to argue about it, not in front of- oh- he looked over towards Talia as he felt her squeeze his hand again.. Seeing her nod with a small smile, she got it.

“It’s okay, Chris, he’s right.. You both had other soulmates, her putting it on yours turning up, wasn’t fair. Especially if she loved you.”

“Exactly.”

His breath was shaky as Rick agreed with Talia,

“the Story isn’t over, and Ricky knows it, so…”

A half-hearted glare at Ricky which pointedly said a silent shut up, which earned a bit of a giggle from Talia, Chris smiled as he continued. 

“After the wedding was cancelled, I hit a patch of depression, which wasn’t helped when the stalker saw an opening, and started attacking my life since her main obstacle was suddenly gone. She came at me in so many different ways, you don’t want to know, it will keep you up at night, it was, frankly, terrifying thinking about all the different things that did and could have happened, I ended up in the hospital A&E more than once because of her, and it wasn’t pretty.”

Taking in a deep breath, he didn’t want to go into detail, because it was hard enough to talk about as he was, and Ricky being here with him, and knowing he wasn’t going to be home on his own after all of this, was a fucking comfort if he was being honest.

“Eventually they caught her, we were able to keep most of it out of the press, because the stress, the pain,  had me cracking.. But, but um.. About a little over two months after I was supposed to get married.. My soulmate tattoo..”

Chris’ voice cracked, and he felt both hands almost simultaneously grip his so tightly, even if only one of them knew for certain wasn’t coming, the other could fucking guess, there was one thing everyone in the world knew happened to the tattoos without a doubt.

“It turned white.”

The moment it did, he knew his soulmate had died.

“I never even got to meet them. Never knew who they were.. And ah,” Chris heaved a deep sigh, pausing before he continued. “Because of government regulations, everyone that loses a soulmate, whether met or not, bonded or not, I had to go through the mandatory grief counselling within six months. So, I knew that with everything that was happening, there was no way that I was going to be able to handle, ah, I couldn’t handle doing the basic therapy, so, I willingly admitted myself to a private confidential inpatient care, with a NDA twist. Of course, most facilities have those included when it comes to medical patients, but I went into one specifically for those trying to stay out of the press. Not just for grief counselling, either, but also for depression and generalised anxiety.”

Chris glanced at Rick, before looking towards Talia,

“Sort of felt like therapy for the soul for me sometimes.. And Talia, I hate that what you went through was so horrible.. Because it should have never been like that.. JellyBean.. They’re supposed to help you, listen to you.. Not assume, and from the sounds of it, that's all that they did to you.”

They hadn’t helped her, they’d listened to her parents and given in to the money that talked. Taking in a deep breath as he squeezed her hand back slightly, hating that she went through something so horrific when his time in the facility had been so therapeutic in the long run. Now, now, back to the whole point of why he was telling the story in the first place, back to the point of why everything was happening. Their soulmate marks.

“Ever since I finished my treatment, I’ve been kind of fascinated by all the theories and different studies involved with the soulmate phenomenon. It is a phenomenon, because no one can fully prove or explain how or why it even exists. Not one scientist in the world, that I have found in any publication, can scientifically prove a damn thing. For all the studies, and papers, it is all theoretical.. Even what's happening to you was nothing but a proposed theory that I’d read about, until now.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics (roses) and @cafekitsune (trigger)

[strawwritesfic]

Joel x Female!Amputee!Reader: (Don't) Hold Your Breath [Ch. 3]

Summary: You’ve made a lot of monumental mistakes in your life. Cutting your arm off isn’t even at the top of the list. Now you’re about to learn a lot of life lessons at the hands of your savior and her brute of a guardian–and they’re not about to let you learn them the easy way either.

Challenge: "#32 in His Rulebook" by Edible Heart Monster on Lunaescence Archives

Rating/Warnings/Tags: M (post-The Last of Us; excessive swearing; sexual references; violence against children; infected children; references to abortion; references to cannibalism; references to starvation; references to riots; implied domestic abuse; implied grooming; implied sexual relationship between an adult and a minor; death of a parent; violence; gore; blood; gun use; ableism; amputee!Reader; enemies to lovers; not canon compliant)

Pairings/Relationships: Joel/Female!Reader; Tommy/Maria; Reader/Male!OC; Ellie & Reader; Ellie & Joel; Ellie & Maria & Tommy

Tag List: @imaginesfire

Master List (with important note!)

Rule Number #3: Try not to get yourself killed. God, are you that stupid?

It soon became clear that despite her situation, Ellie was anything but depressed. Your first day behind on her on the back of Callus Two showed you that much. You found balancing with only one arm no easy feat, and she wouldn’t quit harping on your struggles. But during the long spaces of time wherein you hadn’t had to grip her desperately to stay upright, she chattered like conversation was going out of style—which, you supposed, it had.

Ellie seemed happy to ramble on about just about anything, so long as she had a captive audience. Before her endless stream of nonsense paused around noon so that she could follow a deer trail she spotted, you’d heard Ellie’s views on everything from descriptions of her last hunt to a summary of the last comic book she’d found. You listened with just about as bored an expression as you could manage. Why the fuck did she think you cared about her life? But she was the one driving, so there wasn’t much you could do. At least it looked like her nattering at you for hours on end appeased Joel, who you could have sworn you caught almost smiling once or twice.

When no one was willing to listen, she whistled. When she wasn’t allowed to do that, she read. It seemed an awful waste of pack space to let her bring magazines, and that on top of all the talking she did made you wonder why Joel had even brought her along at all. Surely the damn kid was just a liability. But whenever Joel was awake—which was, admittedly, most of the time—he glared at you every fucking time you threatened her. Hell, he even seemed to orient himself around her, like she was his sun, the entire damn center of his universe.

But you still couldn’t figure out exactly what the fuck the two of them were doing. You didn’t just drag children into those kinds of situations, not unless you were trying to repay some debt, or at least trying to look like you were. But Joel and Ellie knew each other—what was more, they seemed to like each other. Ellie called him “Joel” happily, not like a kid trying distance itself from a shitty parent. Besides, Joel was way too old to be her dad. But then, he didn’t act much like he had around girls that age.

So what did Joel gain from keeping Ellie around?

“Anyway, after that, it was a pretty simple job of untying the knot. Boy, Joel sure was lucky to have me around for that. Not that he thanked me for that rescue either.”

“Kid,” you said, not bothering to keep the haggard note from your voice. “Do you ever shut up? How the fuck haven’t you got you and your friend turned into fucking Clicker chow by now?”

“Because,” Joel said testily as his horse clopped up beside Callus Two, “she can actually take care of herself, and knows to keep her fucking voice down.”

Instead of bothering to respond to him, you glowered. Joel was, as of that moment, an unknown. He barely spoke unless he wanted to tell Ellie what a mistake you were. During those times Ellie had run off to chase after rabbits and left you alone with Joel, it seemed pretty obvious that he had to restrain himself from shooting you.

“Keep it up, Ellie,” he added with a nod in her direction.

“Oh, we have a guest party member that Joel doesn’t like, so I get free rein to do whatever I want?” She beamed. “I’m going to have to adopt people more often!”

“Don’t even think about it.”

With another scowl in your direction, Joel picked up Shadowfax’s reins, and the horses started to move again. You let a long breath of air out of your nose as you looked around. The forest was starting to thin. Judging by the direction your troop had been moving the past day and a half, you were now farther west than you’d started. What that meant, you had no idea. It was not as though state lines meant anything those days.

But it did mean that you were getting sick of traveling with Ellie and Joel. Owing Ellie so much was just another bur under your skin. As you stared around, you leaned farther back from her, farther and farther, until you could only see the sky.

The horse below you whinnied. That was the only warning you had. The very next second, it reared. Your arm scrabbled around Ellie; your breath came fast in your ears, but you certainly hadn’t regained any of your missing balance. Before the horse had even thought of setting its hooves back on the ground, you fell backwards, landing on your back with a single, loud expletive.

“See, now,” came Joel’s voice from somewhere above you. “Ellie would have known not to shout at something as simple as falling off a fucking horse.”

“Fuck you,” you growled as you sat up.

Your head spun, but through that haze you could see that Joel had stopped his horse right in front of Ellie’s. He stood on the ground while Ellie, still perched atop Callus Two, looked irritably between the two of you. Her expression changed when she caught yours, swiftly rearranging into one of vague concern.

“It was time to dismount anyway,” she said hastily, as though this fact would somehow make you feel less shitty.

In a trice, she had got her two feet back on the ground. As much as you loathed the idea of following either of them anywhere, your only other option was sticking around the edge of the forest, waiting to be eaten. You stood and attempted to appear haughtily unconcerned as you took several steps past them.

“Why bother with the horses if you can’t ride them all the way?” you asked over your shoulder.

“That’s none of your business,” said Joel, but Ellie ignored him:

“Safety precaution. We still have to get identified before they’ll let us, and we don’t want the horses shot out from under us while we’re too far away.”

“So we’re almost there?” you asked.

“Yeah, it’s that right there.” Ellie gestured to a building in the distance while she stroked Callus Two’s nose with her other hand.

“That’s a power plant.”

“And that’s where we live.”

Well, by then you’d seen plenty of other stupid-ass ideas. You supposed living in a power plant was one of the better ones at least. Ellie interrupted your staring by wordlessly holding out a trio of dead rabbits. Although the ends of your mouth pressed down, you took them just as silently, then went back to looking while the rest of the meat got divided up between her and Joel for transportation. Whatever Ellie had said to the contrary, her community didn’t look like much—not enough to give up your freedom for, at any rate.

“Ellie, I’m telling you, this is a bad idea.”

As usual, Joel didn’t bother to keep his voice down when he spoke about how much he didn’t want you there. Not that you could blame him. If it wasn’t for the fact that Ellie had taken your gun (“until you can show me you can use it responsibly”), you would have shot them. If it wasn’t for the fact you were pretty sure even the fucking teenager could wrestle you to the ground, you would have stabbed them with the knife Ellie kept lending you. Because that would have meant you didn’t need them. Joel had you pegged much better than the kid, which couldn’t have been more apparent than when she whispered back:

“No, it’s not. She hasn’t hurt us.”

“Because she can’t.”

“So, what were we supposed to do? Just leave here there to die?”

“Ideally.”

“Well, you know what, Joel? I—”

“You owe it to the world. Yeah, I know. Would you reel in the Messiah delusion for ten seconds? We don’t even know her name!”

Whatever Ellie’s response to that was, you lost it. Even just standing there exhausted you. If there was food and shelter and—most importantly—a break from Ellie’s voice ahead, you weren’t going to wait around to find it. Maybe the rabbits would provide you with enough of a toll to pay your way inside. Who was going to believe that she killed them anyhow? Fifteen-year-olds weren’t taught how to hunt small game.

The ground beneath your feet slanted downwards. The tilt, combined with the remaining after-effects of chopping off an arm, had you stumbling forward. But at least you were moving, without a horse or Ellie or Joel to carry you. You certainly hadn’t been capable of that much the day before. Maybe you would only have to stay a night! Then you could give Ellie her knife back, show her that you weren’t someone to trifle with, and then disappear again. After all, you’d already learned the hard way that civilization didn’t always engender civility.

Something ahead gleamed in the sunlight, causing your awkward loping to come to a halt. Your eyes flicked up toward the gate ahead. Surely they got stragglers out in the middle of nowhere like this. If anything, hunters would want to cut through just to see if they could collect anything useful. You did not, however, want to appear to be a threat. Getting shot through with bullets so close to relative safety would not be conducive to your plans to survive.

The gleaming got closer, then materialized into a chain-link fence. It didn’t look new, exactly, but someone had obviously gone to the trouble of scraping off some of the rust. A low humming emitted from the metal. Confused, you stepped closer still, hand outstretched—

—only to feel someone else’s massive hand clutch the back of your jacket right before they threw you forcefully to the ground. Stars popped across your vision, but not so distractingly that you couldn’t hear Joel’s angry snap:

“Are you trying to get yourself killed? Are you really that fucking stupid?”

Your face twisted once more into scowl, though you didn’t bother to sit up that time. Pain rocketed up and down your spine. If your missing arm didn’t kill you, the broken back Joel was going to give you fucking would. Be that as it may, your constant angry reaction to things only seemed to be giving you a reputation for not having any fucking clue how to live on your own. You didn’t even want to look at Joel. Giving him the satisfaction of seeing how frustrated you were would only make things, in your opinion, worse.

Ellie stepped into your field of vision, her eyebrows raised. “It’s electrified,” she explained.

That got you sitting up again. “No fucking way!” you said, almost too impressed to work in your regular note of sarcasm.

Without missing a beat, Ellie bent, plucked a piece of grass from the near-barren dirt, and then poked it at the fence. A spark shot up. A moment later, she held the blackened stub of vegetation out toward you.

You could not help widening your eyes. “You guys have electricity?”

“Most of us aren’t stupid enough to walk straight into the fence,” Joel said. “But if you’re all that keen to die, go ahead. Save me the fucking trouble.”

“What the fuck did I do to you, bastard?” you demanded hotly, mostly to cover the cold rushing through your veins at the thought of how close you had come to being fried. You weren’t about to tell fucking Joel thanks for saving your life, though.

He opened his mouth to reply, but he didn’t have the time to do so before two figures walking across the grass towards captured your group’s attention.

“Hey there, Joel,” a man said as he approached.

The humming, you noted, had stopped. If you weren’t so sore from falling so much, you might have tried to clamber over the gate before anyone could stop you. As it was, you couldn’t, and had to content yourself with observing the newcomers.

“Hey, Tommy,” Joel said shortly.

The other man didn’t look at him. This “Tommy” appeared younger than Joel, much less gray, and had longer hair. Still, his resemblance to Joel was unmistakable, even if the openly fond look he shot Ellie wasn’t similar to any expression you'd seen on Joel's face at all.

Behind Tommy stood a woman with a scowl drawn permanently into the skin around her mouth.

“Hey, Ellie,” Tommy said with a wink in the kid’s direction. “How was the trip?”

“Great!” Ellie grinned. “We got some rabbits.”

All eyes fell upon the rabbits sitting next to your shoes. Perhaps Ellie was afraid of explaining you because she jogged a few steps backward to take Shadowfax’s bridle and added:

“And a deer. A whole fucking deer!”

“That’s great, Ellie!” Tommy said enthusiastically. “Did you get it yourself this time?”

She looked a bit crestfallen at that. “Well…No. But I’ll fucking do it next time, mark my words!”

Tommy laughed and made to open the gate. “I’m sure you will.”

“If there’s a next time,” Joel said.

When you looked at him, his eyes bored into yours. Suddenly, the woman stood in the space Tommy had opened, her gun pointed straight at you.

“Is she a problem?” she asked, her voice cold.

Tommy frowned at you, but made no attempt to prevent the woman from shooting you.

“Yes, I’m a fucking problem,” you answered hotly. “I—”

“We brought a friend!” she cried into the tense silence.

You scowled more deeply still at the “friend” comment, but if it got you past the electric fence, you’d forgive it. After all, you hadn’t eaten since the day before your disaster of a hunting trip.

“Ellie brought a friend,” Joel grumbled.

Neither Tommy nor the woman moved. Ellie took a deep, shaky breath, then tugged you to your feet and forward. Their eyes fell upon your stump, then quickly shifted back to Ellie’s face.

“She’s hurt,” she said. “She can’t make it on her own.”

“I—”

“Shut up,” Ellie muttered.

Tommy and the woman’s eyes met, then Tommy shrugged. The woman looked just as happy about the situation as Joel did, but she took a step back before stuffing her pistol back into her halter. Joel shoved past you, and even Ellie was quick to take off after him. With your heart pounding in your throat, you snatched up the rabbits.

Although he did not smile, his voice remained casual as he made to lead you down to the power plant with only a soft, “Welcome to Jackson.”

With one final second look over your shoulder, you stepped past Tommy into Joel and Ellie’s mysteriously self-governing settlement. You wondered if it was the last time you'd ever breathe free air.

[muffinsin]

how about some angst with no comfort? How would the sisters react to their female s/o dying in child birth? Would they blame their child? Blame themselves because they impregnated her and because the child would be infected with the Cadou because of them?

-rambunctious anon

Some more angst hm?👀 This got a bit more comfort in it tho cuz I know those 3 would still be good mamas! there ya go everyone!🙌

Masterlist 1

Masterlist 2

Bela

She is lost for words when she hears you died giving birth. She can’t even process it

For minutes, she stares off into space as she attempts to process it. She just can’t find words or gather her thoughts

She feels sad, and shocked, when it hits her

Then, anger washes over her

She refuses to see your child at first, but this is almost immediately shut down and exposed as nonsense by Alcina

The moment Bela is handed your child, this view changes entirely

The little thing has your eyes

Sporting your eyes and her blonde-golden hair, Bela can’t help but cry and hug the little one close

She’s careful, as if worried she will hurt the little bundle in her arms

The pain she feels doesn’t go away- won’t, for a long time

She feels this pain every time she gazes into her child’s eyes

Still, Bela wants to be strong for her little one. They’re her priority now

In a way, they are a memory of you. Something to remember you by

She wont allow anything to happen to her child. She is protective as hell and will not part with her precious child for the world

Also, Bela is never hesitant to tell stories of you to her little one

At one point she nearly spirals into a pit of self loathing and depression, blaming herself for it all

Her sisters stick by her side to talk this nonsense out of her

With their help, and Alcina’s help, she recovers eventually, no matter how bad it hurts her

Her love for her little one keeps her going

She takes on nutrients to nurse them, and therefore must eat plenty to keep herself healthy.

She cleans to avoid her little one inhaling dust, and takes showers and baths when she washes her precious baby

In a way, your child, what is left of you, still saves her even when she has lost you

Cassandra

Lost, is the most accurate word to describe her

She can’t believe it

She stands by your side, and desperately attempts to bring you back alive

Deep down she knows it’s futile, but she refuses to think of this

After a long hour, she at last comes to the realisation of being helpless. She can’t change what happened

And she fully blames herself. What was she thinking, impregnating you?! Having you bear a cadou-infected baby?!

Her eyes widen at this, remembering your child

She was so busy trying to bring you back to her, she hasn’t even spared the little thing a glance

Sudden fear fills her- what if she’s lost your shared child too?!

Upon storming out of the room and finding the tiny thing in Bela’s arms, she immediately feels more at ease

She truthfully has no idea how to hold the infant. She feels utterly lost, thrown into parenthood without you to guide her

Bela teaches her to adjust her arms and hold the tiny thing. Thankfully, Cassandra learns very quickly

She develops something of a separation anxiety from your baby. She’s scared the child will too be taken from her if she isn’t with them constantly

And so Cassandra sticks with her tiny one 24/7, feeding them and doing her best to try to understand what random cries mean

Speaking of, she is a full sobbing mess at times. She can’t handle the many emotions she feels upon having to raise this child on your own

As time passes, she recognises you in the tiny one. In their smile, their facial features and expressions. It has her smile and cry at the same time

She too, will eventually heal. Still, you are always a sore topic to her- she can never truly get over what happened

Daniela

She’s gleeful when she holds the tiny baby in her arms, giggling and tapping their tiny button nose

She loves their tiny nose, it resembles her own. And their eyes! Golden, just like hers

Their little hands grab at her and she feels so much joy!

She doesn’t understand her family’s grim faces. Your little baby is perfect!

When asked about you, she is told you need rest. Her sisters and mother aren’t entirely sure about telling her just yet

When a day passes, Daniela demands to see you, and they know the truth can no longer be hidden from the redhead

With Bela keeping the tiny one safe and fed, Daniela is told what happened by the rest of her family

The infant starts crying at Daniela’s loud, pained scream that rings out throughout the castle

She demands to see you, and when she does, it nearly breaks her

She doesn’t understand how this could’ve happened

She doesn’t blame her child, but herself. After all, she hasn’t thought this through in her joy to parent a child with you

Daniela is unable to feed for days. Unable to function

For days to two weeks even, she doesn’t see her little one. She can’t even get out of bed

Only when she hears her tiny one cry in the middle of the night does she rise from her bed and find the small thing in her mother’s room

She cradles them into her arms and takes a stroll through the castle. It feels, grounding, and good to get out of her room

When she sees tiny, worried eyes, she promises the little one to always look after them

She promises you, hoping you can hear her

[astridellejo]

So Karlach Joined My Party

You know what they say about D&D being free therapy? Yeah, I think Baldur's Gate 3 might be offering something similar.

I have many thoughts about Karlach and I have sussed out it is because I can kinda relate to her. She's a bouncy bundle of ADHD energy. She was isolated and touch starved. She projects smiles and kindness to the best of her ability because she so desperately wants those gestures reciprocated. She wears her heart on her sleeve, or more accurately, she has an engine that burns so hot and bright that it bursts through her chest. Her metaphorical heart is full of unexpressed love and joy because of years trapped in Avernus. (In my case, my Avernus was my isolation and depression.) Now she's free to express herself and she feels so alive!

Karlach's idle animations show her bouncing and dancing and flapping her hands and having little conversations with herself. These are all things I do when I think no one is watching (or if I'm feeling comfortable and safe among friends). I feel like this game character has given me permission to be more open expressing my ADHD idiosyncracies instead of masking them and pretending to be 'normal'.

So here's this character who reminds me so much of myself, and I as a player have found this character to be worthy of being romanced and loved by my game avatar. Very interesting. All of that kinda sounds like a very roundabout approach to self-acceptance and self-love, things I have struggled with my whole life. And it implies that I believe myself to be worthy of being romanced and loved (or at least I'm starting to believe it). That's lovely.

The next step is overcoming my abandonment issues and how they lead me to sabotage my relationships. Which character do I have to romance to solve that problem?

[Image Description] My BG3 Tav, Asta, stares wide-eyed at the exploding tiefling across the river. Karlach is crouched down and fully aflame. "HRRRRRR," she groans. Then she bursts with a fierce bellow, "YAAHH!"

As Shadowheart and Lae'zel bicker/flirt in the background, threatening each other with swords and daggers and poison and stabbing/crushing each others' hearts, Asta anime nosebleeds at the sight of Karlach (who is drawn suspiciously similar to the way the artist draws their own self-portraits).

Karlach smiles and says, "Hey there, soldier! The name's Karlach. Nice to meet ya!" [/Image Description]

[mybelovedwoo]

Long Journey - Chapter 7: Reckoning Waves

Life hurts a lot, that's just how it is. At least that is what Destiny thought, living a life where living hurts more than dying. But one day everything changes when an unexpected guest appears. What does this long journey hide behind? Will it be worth it to be alive again?

"Sailors tell stories, Pirates make legends!"

ateez pirate au, fluff, angst, smut

??? x named reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: violence, fighting, guns and weaponry, blood injuries, trauma, smut, sa, pa, abuse specific to this chapter: depression, trauma

← previous | next → | masterlist

Destiny stood on the deck of the ship, her sword cutting through the air with precision under Seonghwa's watchful eye. The rhythmic sound of steel slicing through the air was the only sound that kept her grounded amidst the turmoil inside her. Every strike, every parry was an outlet for the storm of emotions raging within her since witnessing the hanging.

"Good," Seonghwa's voice broke through her concentration, his tone a mix of approval and concern. "Your technique is improving."

Before Destiny could respond, the familiar sound of footsteps drew near. She glanced over her shoulder to see San approaching with his characteristic Cheshire cat smile, dimples deepening as he caught her eye. Despite her inner turmoil, she couldn't help but notice how effortlessly charming he was, though she made sure her demeanor remained cool and distant.

"Practicing without me, Destiny?" San's voice carried a teasing note, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

Destiny tightened her grip on the sword, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "What do you want, San?"

San leaned casually against the railing, unfazed by her curt tone. "Just checking in on my favorite swordsman in the making. And perhaps to see if you've cooled off a bit."

"Right," Destiny muttered, turning her attention back to Seonghwa, silently urging him to continue their training.

Seonghwa, sensing the tension, excused himself with a nod. "I'll leave you two to it."

Once Seonghwa was out of earshot, San stepped closer to Destiny, his expression serious now. "Look, I know you're mad at me for not telling you everything. But there's something important I need your help with."

Destiny glanced at him warily, her guard still up. "What is it?"

San hesitated for a moment, searching her eyes. "It's Wooyoung. He's been holed up in his room ever since..."

"Ever since he killed my father," Destiny finished, her voice barely above a whisper. The memories of that night were still fresh, the pain raw.

"He blames himself," San continued softly. "Thinks you hate him."

A pang of guilt shot through Destiny's heart. She remembered Wooyoung's desperate act to save her life, the sacrifice he made. It was a truth that haunted both of them.

"I don't hate him," Destiny murmured, more to herself than to San. "He saved me."

San nodded, his eyes gentle. "He needs to hear that from you, Destiny. He needs to know he's not alone in this."

Destiny looked away, her gaze drifting over the restless sea. She understood Wooyoung's turmoil, the weight of their shared guilt and loss.

"I'll talk to him," Destiny finally said, her voice steady. "But not because you asked."

San smiled softly, a warmth in his eyes. "Fair enough. Thank you, Destiny."

As Destiny turned to leave, she felt a sense of determination settle within her. She needed to confront her own demons and help Wooyoung find his way back from the darkness that threatened to consume him.

-

Destiny stood outside Wooyoung's cabin door, the wood weathered and worn from the sea spray. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation she knew they both needed. Knocking softly, she waited for a response, her heart beating faster with each passing second.

"Go away," Wooyoung's voice, muffled and strained, came through the door.

Ignoring his plea, Destiny pushed the door open slowly. The room was dimly lit by a solitary lantern, casting shadows that danced across the walls. Wooyoung sat on the edge of his bunk, his back to her, shoulders slumped with defeat.

"I'm not leaving, Wooyoung," Destiny said firmly as she stepped inside, letting the door close behind her.

"San told me you've been in here since... that night," Destiny began, choosing her words carefully. "He said you blame yourself."

Wooyoung didn't turn to face her, his silence stretching between them like an ocean of unspoken words. Destiny sensed his turmoil, the weight of guilt and regret that plagued him. She knew this wasn't just about her father's death-it was about what drove him to that fateful act, about the darkness that had consumed him that night.

"He wanted to hurt you," Wooyoung finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "He was going to... I couldn't let him."

Destiny felt a chill run down her spine, a mix of emotions swirling within her. Her father, the man who had raised her, now a source of fear and danger. She lived with this feeling for years, but hearing from someone else felt more painful. Wooyoung's words pierced through her, tearing down the last vestiges of illusion she had held onto.

"You saved me," Destiny murmured, her voice thick with emotion. "I didn't know..."

Wooyoung shook his head, finally turning to meet her gaze. "I didn't know either. I didn't want this to happen, but..."

"But you did what you had to do," Destiny finished for him, her heart aching with understanding. "For that night, for saving me, thank you."

Wooyoung's eyes softened, the weight on his shoulders visibly easing. "I thought you hated me. For taking him from you. For leaving you alone"

"I could never hate you for that," Destiny replied, reaching out to gently touch his arm. "I was lost in my own grief, but now I see... You're not alone in this."

They sat together in the dim light of the cabin, their shared pain bridging the gap between them. Destiny knew that healing would take time, for both of them. But in that moment, a flicker of hope ignited-a belief that they could find redemption, together.

-

Leaving Wooyoung's cabin, Destiny stepped into the narrow corridor of the ship. Her mind was still reeling from the emotional exchange with Wooyoung, the weight of his confession lingering heavily in her thoughts. As she navigated the dimly lit passageway, she bumped into Yunho, the navigator, who was heading towards the same direction.

"Destiny," Yunho greeted her softly, his gaze carrying a mix of concern and curiosity. "Did you speak with Wooyoung?"

Destiny nodded slowly, unable to hide the emotions that still tugged at her heart. "Yes, I did. He... he told me everything."

Yunho's expression softened, his eyes reflecting empathy. "He must be struggling with it. Wooyoung has always been the purest soul among us, full of joy and laughter. To see him like this... it's difficult. For everyone."

"I didn't know," Destiny murmured, her voice filled with remorse. "I didn't know what he carried inside. I should've come here and talked with him sooner."

"We all have our demons," Yunho said quietly, his voice tinged with sadness. "But for Wooyoung, this was his first time. It wasn't an easy choice for him, but he did it to save you. You must mean a great deal to him."

Destiny's thoughts raced as she processed Yunho's words. The realization that each member of this crew harbored a dark past unsettled her. What kind of lives had they lived before this ship? Were they all capable of such acts? Could she trust them, or was she in danger among these men?

As they stood in the corridor, Destiny's mind churned with questions. She glanced at Yunho, whose expression remained solemn yet reassuring. Despite the shadows that surrounded them, there was a flicker of solidarity among the crew-an unspoken bond forged by shared struggles and sacrifices.

"Thank you, Yunho," Destiny finally spoke, her voice steady but tinged with uncertainty. "For letting me know."

Yunho nodded gently. "Take care, Destiny. We're all in this together."

With those words hanging in the air, Destiny watched Yunho continue down the corridor, disappearing into the shadows. She lingered for a moment longer, grappling with the weight of newfound knowledge. As she made her way back to her quarters, the ship's movements beneath her feet felt like a reminder of the uncertain waters ahead-both literal and metaphorical.

-

Night had fallen over the ship, cloaking it in shadows broken only by the soft glow of lanterns swaying in the brisk ocean breeze. Tomorrow, they would arrive at Port Royal-a thought that weighed heavily on Destiny's mind, keeping sleep at bay. Restless and consumed by her thoughts, Destiny slipped out of her quarters into the misty night.

The rain poured relentlessly, drumming a steady rhythm against the ship's deck. Undeterred by the downpour, Destiny found solace in the repetitive movements of her sword practice. Each slice and thrust cut through the air with precision, the cold raindrops mingling with her sweat as she honed her skills under the unforgiving night sky.

From the captain's cabin, Hongjoong and Seonghwa emerged, their voices hushed in conversation. They paused as they caught sight of Destiny in the distance, her figure illuminated by the lanterns, dancing with shadows in the rain.

Hongjoong squinted through the darkness, his brow furrowing in concern. "What is she doing out there at this hour, in this weather?"

Seonghwa's eyes remained fixed on Destiny, a hint of admiration flickering in his gaze. "She's practicing."

"In the rain?" Hongjoong's incredulity was evident, his voice carrying a mix of disbelief and concern.

Seonghwa nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "She's determined, Hongjoong. She has a fire in her that we didn't fully know about until now."

Hongjoong watched Destiny's silhouette move with grace and determination, the sword slicing through the rain as if challenging the elements themselves. "She's been through a lot," he murmured, more to himself than to Seonghwa.

Seonghwa's gaze softened as he observed Destiny's relentless practice. "We all have our reasons for being here," he said quietly. "But she... she's proving herself in ways I hadn't expected. She's learning fast, really fast."

Destiny's movements were steady and deliberate, each strike a testament to her resolve. She had come aboard this ship seeking answers and redemption, but with each passing day, she was proving to herself and to others that she was more than her past.

As Hongjoong and Seonghwa continued to watch in silence, Destiny's presence on the deck seemed to fill the night with a quiet determination. The rain continued to fall, a relentless companion to her solitary practice, yet she persisted, her spirit unyielding in the face of adversity.

-

© belongs to mybelovedwoo

taglist: @dinossaurz

[mastermindmp3]

I feel its no secret that I try to analyze the songs within the context of the album and that alone. I think there's so much artistry that is often ignored when trying to focus so solely on passing paternity tests about parables told by the potential paramour's songs. ( ok, I really reached for that alliteration, sorry. )

But like, I've been a Swiftie since 06. I do know that these songs are about Taylor Swift's life, and frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Empathy and connection are what, I think, her music is about. How deeply personal is absolutely part of the appeal.

I feel like this acknowledgement will definitely be more prescient in analyses to come, but... god, god, this song is heartbreaking, and it feels so personal. Some songs are vertical slices of the author's life, and dear god, does this feel like one.

Suppose the only thing left to do is place the slide under the microscope, yeah?

There's so much to go into here. The song is so mired in death. There's loss and grief, but this one feels more potent. The speaker isn't trying to justify her grief to other people this time, isn't trying to preempt it (see: Down Bad, saying she was heaven struck, even if for such a short time.)

We open on the title, framed in the same interval as church bells ( and Big Ben ) and throughout the song, we realize that the bells are for a funeral. Cause of death: disaffection and depression.

Can I say? I really love the delivery on the very first verse. I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist. She delivers it so softly, so warmly, with the last bit of hope the song holds. Fairy lights could be so many things - it could be literal, the fairy lights on someone's porch. It can also be literal for the homophonic meaning: ferry lights, seeing the boat leave as she says goodbye to London. It could be the mythic suggestion of the will o' the wisp, which exist to mislead the traveler who sees them. Perhaps our speaker's later actions are all in vain, because she was following ghostlights.

She tells the audience all she did to try and save her love. Kept calm and carried the weight of the rift. Keep Calm and Carry On being, memeticly, a piece of propaganda distributed in Great Britain during the lead up to WWII. This tells us that perhaps she tried to ignore the ways her relationship was failing, and then, when that didn't work, pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away.

Then, she tells us how her clinging hurt her. To hold so tightly to someone causes muscles to ache, and even the speaker says, [Her] spine split from carrying [them] up the hill. The speaker is starting to lose hope, here, I think. As she sees how much she's putting in, and how little her lover is giving back.

I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the heath. / I stopped CPR / I was going down with [the ship.]

It is so clear, through vocal desperation and how deep Taylor's notes get, that the speaker gave everything she had to try and save this romance. But she was only given "quiet resentment" in return.

I try to only pull from TTPD for these posts, but the talk of going down with the ship, the imagery of rain ( wet through my clothes ) it all brings to mind just... One thing. Well, actually, two things:

Rain as a symbol of depression is very classic shorthand. We call rainy days "gloomy." I feel like, very obviously, the Speaker's lover is depressed, but I think, less obviously: the speaker is too.

How much sad did you think I had in me?

For me, it calls to mind an old friend, who was going through a dark spot at the same time as me. They... refused to work on getting better, and I hate to say it, but yes, getting better is such nasty work. In a way, the Speaker is expressing that too. She was putting in the nasty work of keeping their relationship together, but also, of putting herself back together.

And her lover didn't. He swore he loved her, but the speaker died on the altar waiting for the proof. You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days. Refusing to care, allowing yourself to wallow in depression when someone else is doing the work for you, will be the final straw in many relationships.

I think, by tying the two together, over this running beat, the speaker is explaining why she has to go. Why, for her own mental health, the relationship must end, before she, too, is sacrificed.

I founded the club she's heard great things about.

The speaker put so much work into the relationship (and by proxy, her lover's mental health) that she feels she reinvented her lover. And as he finds new loves, ones who've heard 'great things' about him, she feels resentment... And yet, she also doesn't. After all, she still says that they:

Had a good run / a moment of warm sun / but I'm not the one

In the end, though worsening mental health played a role, the death knell was the all too real: changing hearts and minds. Life went on, and the speaker and her lover fell out of love with each other. The Speaker could no longer choose to stay, not when their love was so obviously corpse cold. I stopped CPR, after all, it's no use.

She knows she'll take blame (You say I abandoned the ship,) for being the one to officially pull the plug. In the context of this song, though, the blame lays with everyone and no one. Some romance can't be resuscitated, and to continue to try well beyond expiration only creates dull, dying pangs.

Taylor creates such a living picture, for such a dying love, and it's genuinely such good songwriting.

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

"The start of / the end of — a movie I've seen... before." [prev.]

Step 3 is finished ..•ᐠ.˙( ੭˘ ³˘)੭~`.•ᐟthank˙ .❤•˙. god ｡ﾟ･ﾟ✧˙..

Background below:

[CW: anxiety, depression, eating disorder, PTSD, survivors guilt, Attempted Suicide and Depictions of Self-Harm]

Song: Lizzy McAlpine - ceilings

—

Like a pearl, Ai grows into something preciously beautiful and refined with each passing day. She is not perfect, not as strong as you would expect, but there is something of a quality in her so fine that she is still coveted by those that have found her.

There's an air of grace and confidence in how she moves and acts, learned in part from all her passionate years of dance. Her voice is like crystal chimes, an instrument of music and always two steps from another sweet and tinkling laugh. She's warm and bright with stars in her eyes and love in her heart, influenced through the years in all the very best ways by her family and friends.

And she's not perfect. It's something that has to be said because many people like to think that she is - that the refinement of her self at this blossoming age has been something she never had to work for - but those people simply don't know Ai one bit.

After 13 Ai went through some of the hardest years of her young life. Learning to let people love her (that they could love her - that she was someone to love) learning to let herself change and fail without the fear that it would destroy everything she had grown to love as well. There were still things she had never expressed to her family, likely never would. They still didn't know about the full story of the car crash or why it affected her so, it was something she wouldn't even tell her therapist, and it put a lot of delay on her growth as people struggled to find the source of her ever present anxiety and guilt at simply existing in a world that her first family did not.

But there were lights to guide her: Only Cove, Cliff, Derek and Lee at first - sometimes Ma, when Ai was desperate, eventually mom and Liz as years moved on - but eventually Miranda grew, stubbornly, into the garden of her life and Terri and Jude quickly came with her. They curled around her walls like ivy, surrounded her lonely tower with life and beauty and wonder. With love.

And time passed, and Ai grew with them.

It was Jude that first heard the full tale of the car accident (Miranda was having a sleepover and he found Ai alone, crying in the kitchen after an especially terrible nightmare, he sat there with her all night - listened to her - made her feel safe). The next person to find out was Cliff, who had helped her moms go searching for the girl after an especially terrible fight (they sat in the grass, Ai tucked tightly under his one arm as she cried into his chest. Despite all her beliefs that he wouldn't - Cliff stayed. He said he would always stay). Surprisingly, she was never able to tell the story to Cove. Despite being her dearest, closest everything, Ai was always too afraid for his gentle heart to burden him like that. And so, with her world just a little more wider, a little more brighter, she continued to grow.

When her 18th summer came, Ai couldn't tell you what she had been expecting of it, honestly. Despite all her hard work, all her scholarships and diplomas and good grades, despite the money she'd saved and the plans she'd made. Despite the friends and family she had gained and, most of all, despite all of her growth - Ai suddenly found herself feeling like she did way back then.

Like she was 6 years old all over again.

Her world was suddenly so big and scary and irreversibly about to change before her very eyes and there was no promise she wouldn't be alone again when everything stopped spinning. She hated it.

So, she clung tighter to what she had grown and built. Pulled close everything she cherished, dug her nails in until it bled. She wouldn't expand on her plans when asked, she didn't want to think about them anymore. She just wanted to see tomorrow come and go as it had gone every other day before.

She didn't want to lose everything again.

And so, a Mr. Baxter Alexander Ward was - as he so often would be in her life - the wrench that completely shattered all her plans.

And she loved him.

That first day, that first moment, when he appeared in her life on a quiet sunny street - Ai couldn’t have known what Baxter was going to become to her - but what she did know, as she wrapped him up tight in that warm and welcoming embrace, was that she didn’t want to let him go. That she wanted to hold him close. That he was precious.

That feeling grew with each new day. It was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. He was new, he was change but he wasn’t a bad change. Baxter, like a memory - like a step in a dance she had almost forgotten to take - fit perfectly into a part of herself that she hadn’t thought to still exist. He was her fire, the spark of wildness of her youth that had her take chances and risks that would add gray hairs to her mother’s heads had they only known about it. He looked at her with that smile and all she could ever do was helplessly smile back, only ever take his offered hand at each and every single chance.

They danced and danced and danced until she was dizzy from the spinning and laughing and completely irreversibly in love with him.

And when he faltered, she was there to catch his hand and lead him back.

And they danced.

Into the ocean shallows, into the sprinkle damp grass. After the jingle of summers tune or wrapped up in his clothes, under sparkling night skies. They danced. In early mornings and late evenings, half asleep or a bit tipsy. Stumbling over a creek or on a ship at sea. They danced. Smelling of midnight sweets, dressed up classy or silly or comfy and warm. They danced.

Quietly and closely in the night as they kissed - they danced.

And she loved him.

And it broke her heart.

Song: Lauren Aquilina - Forest Fires

Unbeknownst to Baxter, when he left, he took much much more than just Ai’s 18th summer with him. Much more.

It was as if that fire he had set in her had spread to the very tower in which she lived. All the love and comfort and growth, all the work and hard won progress through every difficult year, all of it went up in a sickening black smoke. All of it burned away like car oil and ash and left her exactly as she had felt on that day when her world had terribly changed.

And Ai broke.

In the following months, the girl everyone had grown to cherish and love became a shell of her former self. The first weeks were the worst - having to watch her waste away with each missed meal and nightmare that kept her awake. Cove slipped through her window nearly every single night, only sleeping in his own bed when she was slipping through his window instead.

Though worried, her friends initially kept their distance on the request of her parents, who worried about her fragile state and wanted to give her time to process and heal. The moment Jude found out about this, he showed up at Ai’s front door and gave everyone a piece of his mind (ultimately, this was the day that the rest of the family found out about the full story behind the car crash). Now, more than ever, was the time they needed to be there for Ai.

The sudden reintroduction of all her dearly loved ones seemed to help things. She started eating, eventually even started to smile again. Found her long lost laugh. The mom’s stopped hearing her nightmares. With each day the world seemed brighter - better - like things might almost be back to okay.

Ai was smiling again.

And so no one expected her attempted suicide.

It was Cove who walked into the kitchen this time. He wasn’t as lucky as Elizabeth - Ai hadn’t missed the artery this time. He had never seen her covered in so much red.

It was little comfort that, while he tried to save her life, Ai's own eyes looked as terrified as his.

But she didn’t die.

No, she survived. She always survived. As little as she wanted to, as little as she believed she deserved to, Ai was still alive.

And she wasn’t alone. That was the part that surprised her most.

Despite the fire - the flames of Baxter’s light that still burned her alive - the world around her tower once again started to grow. Because her mother’s held her as they cried, and her sister wouldn’t let her go. Because Cliff and Cove did exactly the same, because they stayed and would always stay - despite everything they stayed with her. And everywhere she looked, she found another hand and another face that loved her (in Derek and Miranda and Jude and Terri and Lee and more) and the ivy that they planted stubbornly clung to her, and refused to let her go.

Continued to grow.

Ai was never quite the same after Baxter left. She never shone as bright, never laughed in that sweet and tinkling way that they all remembered - but Ai was alive. And maybe she was a bit more quiet now, and maybe she hid behind her hair most of the time, but she was still Ai.

Not perfect. Not as strong as you would expect. Yet still so so endlessly precious to all those who have ever found her. And loved.

[agerefandom]

Baby Steps

Fandom: Twilight

Characters: regressor!Bella Swan, caregiver!Charlie Swan

Words: 2,900

Summary: After Edward leaves, Bella is left in a shattered, dissociative state. Her father doesn’t know what to do, but eventually he starts to put the pieces together and discovers that age regression might be a way to get through to his daughter again. 

Warnings: Detailed descriptions of depression: lethargy, dissociation, disordered sleep and eating. Hurt/comfort with a lot of angst. A lot of feelings about mental health and helplessness. 

for @little-biscuit2​

It had been almost three months.

Three months, and Charlie didn’t know what to do.

It had never felt more like he lived alone. Bella spent most of her time in her room, and when Charlie coaxed her down for food or to watch TV, she didn’t seem to process any of it. He had even tried putting on reality TV instead of sports, but her blank expression didn’t change, her eyes reflecting the glare of the television.

She didn’t eat if Charlie didn’t feed her, and even then her appetite was small: she was losing weight and she was already too thin to begin with, in Charlie’s opinion. She swung between oversleeping and sleeping far too little, with Charlie coming in and finding her sitting in her chair, gazing out the window well past midnight.

He had just been getting to know his daughter: independent, clumsy, smart as hell, always taking care of the people around her. And now she was gone, retreated somewhere deep inside herself, and he had no idea how to get her back.

It was killing him. It was killing both of them.

Charlie had Renee fly in for a weekend, just to see if that would shake Bella out of her fog. Bella had smiled, and hugged her mother, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and she still wouldn’t speak more than a few sentences. Renee wouldn’t stop holding her, and Bella just laid in her arms, her expression as still as the lake in the morning, and revealing just as little.

Renee had cried, and Charlie had given her an awkward hug, and made food for everyone. Renee stayed for two nights, and left in tears. Bella hadn’t moved to comfort her, had hardly seemed to register Renee’s presence.

‘Desperate’ didn’t begin to cover the way that Charlie was feeling.

Bella’s grades were dropping, though she seemed willing to be driven to school and to walk through her classes in that same disconnected haze. She didn’t participate, and only occasionally finished her homework. Charlie had met with her teachers and they were willing to give her some leeway, but their worried expressions left Charlie feeling sick. He was her father, he should have been able to help.

He should know what to do.

--

“Bella! Time for dinner,” Charlie announced, opening Bella’s door. He never would have entered her room without verbal permission before all this started, but now he knew that she wouldn’t come downstairs to eat unless he came to fetch her.

She sat in her chair, arms wrapped around her knees, eyes fixed on the trees outside her window. This was how Charlie usually found her.

“C’mon, Bells, we got homemade mac and cheese tonight. Very fancy.”

Bella didn’t respond. Charlie came closer and squatted beside the chair, trying to catch her gaze. Her eyes didn’t move from the window.

“Sweetheart, will you look at me? It’s dinnertime.”

Still nothing.

At this point, Charlie usually had two choices: he could let Bella be, or he could bring up the food to see if she would take it and start eating once it was in front of her. But today, he was tired and worried and couldn’t bring himself to leave his daughter’s side.

“You’re scaring me, Bells. If you don’t come down with me, I’m going to have to carry you down.” From Bella’s blank expression, she either didn’t hear him, or had no opinion on this proposal. Charlie clapped his hands on his knees and rose to his feet. “Alright, let’s go.”

She was already curled up, and Charlie took a moment to judge the best way to pick her up. He was getting on in years, but his job demanded that he stay in some kind of shape, and he was confident he could get her downstairs.

“Here I come,” he warned her, and then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up out of the chair.

Finally, Bella’s expression changed: she looked surprised, eyes flashing wide and then moving over to Charlie’s face. Then a furrow appeared between her eyebrows, like she hadn’t expected to see him.

“Hey Bells, we’re taking you down for dinner. Do you want to walk?”

Bella shook her head and even shifted slightly in Charlie’s arms, getting comfortable. She was far too light for a girl of her age, and Charlie was even more determined to get a decent dinner into her. Still, he couldn’t hold her for too long, so he headed for the stairs.

He carried Bella all the way to the little table in the kitchen, pushed out one of the chairs with his foot, and settled Bella down on the seat. She looked more aware than before, and her eyes followed Charlie to the other seat.

Their food was already on the table, and Charlie pushed Bella’s bowl towards her with the spoon beside it. “You gotta eat. Mac and cheese, right? It’s still hot.” Bella’s gaze flicked down to the food in front of her, then back to Charlie. “It’ll be good,” Charlie added.

Seeing that Bella was making no motion to pick up the spoon, Charlie sighed.

“Do you want me to feed you? I will, so help me.”

To his surprise, Bella opened her mouth like a little baby bird. It was such an unexpected gesture that it startled a laugh from Charlie. How long had it been since he’d laughed?

“Okay, you got it.” Charlie got up from his chair and came to stand beside Bella’s, scooping up a spoonful of cheese and noodles. “Here it comes.”

Bella accepted the food and chewed, then opened her mouth again. Charlie laughed a second time, still overtaken by the ridiculous scene of feeding his newly-eighteen-year-old daughter like she was two years old again, but also relieved that she was eating at all.

The second and third scoop were similarly accepted, but then Bella didn’t open her mouth again.

“Well, you can’t be full already,” Charlie said. “Come on, kiddo, two more spoonfuls.”

No response. Charlie poked the spoon into Bella’s lip, which got some cheese on her face, but didn’t change her expression.

“Alright, we’re getting silly then. If you don’t want your dad to get silly, you better eat the pasta.” After giving Bella a few moments with that statement, Charlie nodded and got the spoon ready. “Here comes the airplane, Bella.” He dutifully flew the spoon around with some airplane noises, and watched Bella’s eyes start to follow it. “It’s coming in for a landing, open wide.”

Finally, Bella opened her mouth and accepted the food.

Charlie pulled out all the stops for the rest of the meal: airplane, train, very important delivery: he wiggled the spoon and made the kind of sound effects he hadn’t made for sixteen years.

But at the end of it all, the bowl was empty. He’d gotten a fair amount of cheese on Bella’s face, but she’d eaten every last spoonful.

“Good job, honey. Thank you for eating,” Charlie said, somewhat exhausted by the ordeal. His own food was cold, but he was satisfied with the situation. “Do you want me to get you cleaned up, or would you like to do it yourself?”

Bella blinked at him, and Charlie nodded. That would be his job, then.

“Can you drink this water while I’m gone?” He pushed the glass towards her. “Both hands, sweetheart.”

To his surprise and delight, Bella wrapped her hands around the glass and raised it up, beginning to drink.

Charlie retreated to run a cloth under warm water. Returning, he saw Bella had drank half the cup before setting it down.

“Still want dad to do the honours?” he asked, offering Bella the cloth.

When she made no move to accept it, Charlie leaned over and started wiping the cheese off Bella’s face, finishing with a flourish.

“There you go. All clean.” He couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to the top of her head on the way back to the sink. “Should we go and watch some TV, then?” Charlie dropped off the cloth and returned to Bella’s side, offering a hand to hold on the way.

Bella put up both hands, stretched towards him.

“Fair enough,” Charlie shrugged, and scooped his daughter back up into his arms, carrying her over to the couch. He held her the same way Renee had on her visit, with her chest and head cradled in his arms, her legs laid out on the couch. “Do you want to watch the game, or do some scrolling?”

Bella was already staring at the screen in faux attentiveness, as if she hadn’t processed that Charlie hadn’t yet turned on the screen. She didn’t seem to have an opinion, so Charlie turned on the television and started flipping through channels.

He could feel Bella perk up when he flipped onto some kind of kid’s cartoon, so he left that playing. It was mind numbing wash of colours and songs, but Bella was leaning forward and her eyes were actually tracking the characters, so Charlie let it play for a whole hour before turning it off and carrying Bella upstairs to bed.

Charlie left her on top of the covers, with her pyjamas laid out beside her. Whether she would change and get under the sheets or just sleep in her clothes, he wasn’t sure, but he made sure to keep the temperature turned up in case she didn’t make it under the covers.

Then he pulled out his laptop, and pulled up the search engine.

-

Charlie learned a lot that night, about trauma and depression and age regression. He booked Bella an appointment with a doctor in Seattle, which he probably should have done a long time ago. He also ordered a few things online, curious and cautiously hopeful.

It was possible this evening had been a fluke, but he was willing to do anything to help Bella back to being herself again.

-

It took over a week for the supplies to reach Forks, and Charlie was doing everything he could to help Bella in the meantime. He didn’t want to cross any of his daughter’s boundaries, so he never helped her get dressed, but he started tucking her in at nights, singing lullabies until he saw her eyes close. He woke her up in the morning with breakfast in bed, and changed the sheets after dropping her off at school, to get the crumbs out.

In the evenings he would feed Bella her supper: sometimes she would lift the fork herself and he would sit back and let her eat, but when she looked at him with unseeing eyes, he would pick up her fork and start with the airplane noises. Every empty plate was a victory.

When the package arrived on his doorstep, Charlie picked it up and took it to his room, then unpacked it. He had gotten some bath toys, and a pacifier, and a soft blanket with ducks on it. He’d also picked up a couple of Bella’s favourite books from her childhood: Anne of Green Gables and The Chronicles of Narnia, new copies with beautiful embossed covers.

But the last thing he found himself holding in his hands, unable to let go of, was a brown stuffed dog: the exact same style as one of Bella’s first stuffed animals. She’d gotten it as a gift from one of her mother’s relatives, and they hadn’t been able to pull her away from it. Bella had chewed the ears bald and eventually pulled off one of the legs, and they’d gotten rid of it when she was ten. But here it was, soft and shiny as the first time Bella ripped it out of the tissue paper with her chubby little hands.

Charlie wasn’t sure that Bella would even remember the toy, but he thought it might be nice to have something to hold.

So he tucked away the books and the toys and the pacifier and the blanket, and he went to Bella holding the little dog.

Bella was sitting in her chair, staring out the window in the same direction as always. It hadn’t escaped Charlie’s attention that she was looking into the woods, towards the spot where Charlie had found her collapsed on the night after the Cullens left. Towards the last place she had seen Edward.

“Bells, honey, I got you a present.”

No reaction. That wasn’t unusual.

“It’s a silly little thing, but I thought you might like it.” Charlie shifted from foot to foot, already feeling uncomfortable with the build-up. “Here you go.”

Without further hesitation, he presented Bella with the stuffed animal, holding it out in front of her. Bella slowly looked at Charlie’s hands, and then at the dog. Her forehead creased in that same little mark of confusion that Charlie had become familiar with, when she was brought back from wherever she went in her absence.

With one hand, she slowly reached out and ran a finger down the nose of the plush puppy. Charlie put the stuffed animal onto her chest, half-cradled by the arm that was still in her lap. Bella blinked and looked down fully at the stuffed animal. She curled her arms all the way around it, and held it to her chest.

Then she looked up at Charlie and burst into tears.

Charlie panicked for a moment, retreating several steps from the sudden distress. But then it occurred to him that this was the first time he’d seen Bella cry since the day he found her in the woods. There had been no break to her blank unresponsiveness, and this was just as shocking as if she’d burst out laughing. Was this a step backwards, or was this progress?

Either way, Charlie steeled himself and went over to pat Bella on the back. She reached out for him with both hands, in a gesture that was becoming familiar. The dog fell to her lap and she stopped to pick it up, then tried to reach out for Charlie again.

Charlie scooped her up into his arms, stuffed dog and all, and made his way over to her bed so that he could sit down with his daughter in his arms. She was sobbing and gasping and there were tears running down her face, and Charlie didn’t know what to do except hold her. He cradled her on his lap, rocking vaguely back and forth, and just held on as her body shook.

“It’s okay Bells, it’s gonna be okay,” he murmured, over and over again.

The crying lasted for longer than Charlie thought was possible. His back was starting to hurt from all of the rocking back and forth, but he kept it up. Eventually, led by memories of long nights taking care of Bella as an infant, he started humming a Bon Jovi song. As though in response, Bella’s sobs slowly started to subside. Before long, she was lying heavy in his arms, and he wasn’t sure if he’d managed to put her to sleep. That cry had seemed exhausting, but the atmosphere in the room felt a little bit lighter, somehow.

Charlie gently guided Bella back from where her face was pressed into his shoulder, lying her down on her pillow.

Her eyes blinked open, still shiny with tears, and Charlie grabbed a Kleenex from the bedside table and started cleaning her up. There was snot and tears everywhere and his shirt desperately needed a wash, but he dutifully wiped off his daughter’s face, then held a new Kleenex up to her nose and said “blow your nose.”

Bella obliged, and Charlie got her to do the other side as well, then tucked away the tissues.

“Good job, kiddo.” Bella looked at him, her eyes clear in the dim light of evening coming through the window. “Hi, Bells.” Charlie touched her nose gently, and smiled.

Bella smiled back, a sudden dawning of happiness across her face. Her hands curled around the new stuffed animal, and Charlie could finally believe that everything was going to be okay.

-

Epilogue:

Alice liked to check on Bella every once in a while.

She didn’t believe that Edward had done the right thing in leaving Bella, and had worried over the months that Bella had been unresponsive: Alice’s visions of Bella’s future were changeable, and there were some futures in which she saw that Bella never emotionally recovered from the abandonment.

But then, something changed.

Suddenly, Bella’s future settled into a more secure form, something that Alice hadn’t expected. She saw Bella cradled in her family’s arms, first her father and then the flickering of possible future friends. She saw Bella crying, and laughing, and smiling. She saw Bella drinking from bottles full of milk, having her hair brushed by gentle hands, playing with dolls.

Alice went to Jasper and folded herself into his arms, hiding her smile against his chest. It was the kind of smile that would be accompanied by tears, if she had still been human enough to cry: a bittersweet loss and relief at the same time.

She had loved Bella, had wanted to be her sister one day. Even this side of Bella made Alice want to be there for her, to hold her and cradle her. But now that she was certain Bella could be happy without Edward, without the dangerous world of the supernatural, and Alice could let her go.

“Are you alright?” Jasper asked, soothing her with a hand on her back and a touch of his powers, washing over her.

“Bella is feeling better,” Alice said, still not letting go of her mate. “She’s going to be okay.”

Jasper hummed and held Alice close, tucking her head under his chin. He didn’t say anything, but Alice knew he understood.

They held each other, and wished the best for Bella Swan.

[softly-potter]

Blacksun Week - Day Three

Day three submission for Blacksun week ☀️

@fromshadowstosun

Prompt: unspoken word

Word count: 788

Warning: depictions of depression

-

"Blake."

Blake looks up, blinking out of her blank stare and shifts, her back stiff. Sun is starring at her from across the table, his hands tented and his chin is pressed against his fingers.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Blake whispers and her throat feels like its been run over a few times. 

Don't say it.

He drops his hands and instead of speaking, offers her a small smile before his attention moves back to his cereal. They both know what he was going to say; they both know it's better that he doesn't.

Standing, she gingerly takes her mug to the sink, and when she passes him, he grabs her wrist. She shuts her eyes because she knows if she looks at him, she'll crack. Her ribcage will splinter and every word she's ever thought, every emotion of hate and desperation and love and anger will spill out of her like spools over ribbon.

"Baby." Sun whispers and his voice nicks her heart, chipping at it's walls. She tugs her arm free, and empties the contents of her mug into the sink before she stalks to her room, making herself close the door gently instead of slamming it. He doesn't deserve any of it, but especially not her anger.

As she settles herself on the edge of the bed, she strains to hear his movements. His spoon clangs against his bowl before she hears the chair scrap against the floor as he stands, his footsteps light in the kitchen. Blake presses her knuckles to her mouth as she tugs her knees to her chest and listens, her eyes fluttering shut as his footsteps pad down the hall, and pause before her door.

"I'm headed to class," Sun says through the door, his voice slightly muffled. Right, class. When was the last time she attended one? She can't remember. How she was supposed to just bounce back from the Ever After to a normal life is beyond her, yet the answer is so simple; she couldn't.

"Want me to bring you something when I get back?" He asks when she doesn't respond, and Blake shifts, distracts herself by picking lint from her leggings.

"No." she says, but her voice is quiet and she doesn't know if he can hear her. She waits for the sound of his footsteps, and cringes when she hears the doorknob turn instead.

"Blake," Sun says, his face laced with a mixture of concern and optimistic expectation, and it makes Blake's skin shiver. "I just..."

Don't say it, please.

"I'm worried," Sun says, dodging the statement they both dread. "about you, and this. you can't...hole up."

"There's nothing for you to worry about." Blake sighs, turning over to her back. She stares at the ceiling, at its dingy colors and realizes she never painted her bedroom the way she wanted to.

She hears Sun huff and imagines him crossing his arms. "My girl’s got survivor’s guilt and that's not right."

Blake shoots up straight, her swishing around her shoulders as she glares at him. "I'm not your girl."

"Uh huh." Sun grunts, his nostrils flaring and she knows he wants to disagree. Blake balls her fists.

"I'm not. I am nothing to you, got it?" She seethes, her anger palpable. She wants to scream, to tear at her hair until it breaks, cut into her skin until it bleeds and suddenly she's not sure she even wants to continue breathing.

Suns mouth twists into a sad expression and she watches as his fingers flex in their gloves. "Blake, I lo-"

"Don’t.” she snaps, and her voice shakes. She blinks rapidly before she turns away, surprised by the sudden tears. When was the last time she'd had enough energy to cry?

"Blake." He tries again, softer this time.

"Sun," Blake retorts, her tone matching his. "Don’t, okay? You'll break us if you do."

She glances at him just in time to see him nod, and then he's walking so quickly that she barely has time to register his proximity. He cups her face with both hands, blue eyes staring for so long it makes her shiver.

Dropping his head, Sun kisses her softly on the cheek, and whispers. "Alright."

He lets go of her face and heads for the door. Blake's skin is flushed where his mouth had been, and she presses her icy fingers' to the spot as if that'll warm her extremities. Glancing over his shoulder, he offers her a sad smile, saying all the things she can't bear to hear.

I love you.

She tries to smile back but it's perplexing and feels out of place on her face, so she gives him a soft nod.

I love you too.

[everythinglucymaudmontgomery]

A Few Words in Defense of Poor Robin and the Time She Was Living In

It's been really interesting to read everyone's vitriol regarding poor Robin. I remember reading this book through at least twice before and never thinking of Robin as anything other than a fellow prisoner of Jane's. Is she a good mother, by no means, but I've always felt that she's doing the best that she can under the circumstances.

I think that her life is a literal living hell. She has a husband across country that she desperately loves but most likely thinks despises her because I KNOW she despises herself. She is forced to be a social butterfly by her mother and she can't even express her emotions by crying at night in her own room because her mother will be able to tell and will find some new creative way to torture her and, by extension, Jane. Her daughter whom she loves fiercely, evidently looks just like her father and is a constant reminder of what she lost/threw away. She is playing a part in a horrific nightmarish play just to survive because she doesn't know what else to do. At that time, and under those circumstances, I don't doubt that she sees living with her mother's horribleness is her best option for providing for Jane. I can't imagine how many times she has most likely visualized running away with Jane by herself but most likely is more afraid of the two of them starving to death and NO mother ever wants to remotely consider that option.

I'm also pretty sure that the time frame for this book is sometime in the 20s/30s. According to the website for the Canadian Museum of History, Canada was among the most profoundly affected countries. So add that to Robin's fears for their livelihood.

And please let's not forget that, for all of Robin's faults, Jane does not doubt that her mother loves her. I have more to say in defense of her and Jane and their secret ways of expressing love but since I don't want to give away any spoilers to those who haven't read it yet, I will refrain.

Another thing that I have found is very interesting about how Maud wrote both "The Blue Castle" and "Jane of Lantern Hill" is that she writes more strictly from one point of view. As common as that is in many books, one thing I always liked about the Anne books was that you got all of these wonderful insights into the minds of other characters. I have seen it a precious few times so far in Lantern Hill.

The reason I point this out is that most of how we are seeing Jane's life play out is from the perspective of an 11 year old. Don't get me wrong, a very perceptive (at times) and wise beyond her years, 11 year old, but an 11 year old, none the less. They are not known to be the most broad minded of people and have a tendency to color the world with a narrowness that can alter reality to some extent. We do have to take a lot of her experiences and outlooks with a grain of salt giving others the benefit of the doubt at least.

I have often found it very difficult bordering on impossible to read books from other time frames without being influenced by the modern sensibilities and customs I am used to. For example, how could Cinderella's stepmother get away with taking her own house away from her after her father died and treating her like a slave? Oh wait. This was not the 21st century, orphans were not looked at the same. In fact, most people looked at orphans as if it was THEIR own fault that they were orphans, like losing your parents makes you a bad person and not worth time or pity.

Am I excusing Robin's behavior? As a mother, NO. Do I think the grandmother should be excused. HEAVENS NO! But I do try to put myself in their shoes as much as I can and remember that this was a different time and place. Not to mention, as a sufferer of mental health issues and knowing that that was something that was not touched with a ten foot pole back then and good lord knows what genetic predisposition they had in that regards on top of living through WW1 and the Great Depression AND the Spanish Flu Pandemic!!!!

Anyway, I hope this makes some semblance of sense to my dear fellow lovers of L.M.M. It's been so interesting and enlightening getting to hear the different thoughts and outlooks from fresh readers of this little known but wonderful book.

[darklcy]

𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 : 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 | 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : armin arlert x reader 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 1.9k words 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: slow burn, takes place in season 1, parental issues, angst, drama, mentions of death, depression, violence, bad language, grief 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: prologue to the series 'altruistic' i am rewriting from a couple years ago. a desperate search results from grief, and the answer seems to be reachable in the world of swords, soldiers, and war. 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

He wasn’t always around.

In the depths of childhood, you find him there, arm caressing the waist of a smiling mother. Always happy, the two of them were. She wept pure salt at the bundle in her hands, a much smaller human asleep and unaware of the world they lived in now. A name tumbles from her lips, and the man begins to cry as well. What a name, to capture two adults into tears as they watched their newborn breathe peacefully, soon to blossom into a child, embarking their first steps into life.

It’s easy to forgive the world when these thoughts pop up. Images of a newly wedded couple and their baby, instead of the mother grieving her husband, waiting for him at the dinner table to write back. 

The gold from the fantasy faded away, replacing the room with a gray, empty house void of that couple and newborn. 

A basket of rolls and two cups of water sat at the table for breakfast, yet your mother hadn’t budged. Instead her eyes fixated on the wooden door, as if she could will him back home herself. The both of you knew she couldn’t.

The roll of bread twirled itself on the pads of your fingers. It’s gone cold now.

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╮

Last night, you dreamed of having three sisters.

You shared a bedroom with the eldest, while the vacant room across the hall occupied the two youngest. The mattress you slept on encaptured you in such a warm slumber, it was hard to realize it wasn’t real. 

..The door swung open abruptly, a stampede of footsteps thundering inside. 

"[Y/n]! Are you awake yet?!"

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

"We'll drag you out of bed again!"

Their names were Thea, Clara, and Maria. 

The living room roared with sunlight, as if the house itself had awakened from hibernation and pranced with the sisters in their excitement. A gourmet of foods laid out on plates for breakfast, a mixture of fragrances wafting throughout. A woman wearing a delicate apron warmly greeted you with affection, a kiss decorating your cheek, then your sisters’. 

“Good morning my loves, and miss Maria.”

Maria was the youngest. The woman swooped her up into her arms and pecked her face with kisses, earning her with sweet giggles. 

She appeared heavenly. Her skin bounced off the sun’s reflection and her smile was so beautiful. She prepared the meal as if performing a dance, a relaxed expression never swaying. It was melancholic to see her this way, as you soon realized you’ve never watched her be this happy. So at peace, no evidence of worry with the lack of stress lines on her smooth face. 

Overlapping chatter broke the trance as the sisters found their respectable seats at the table. They didn’t question you for still standing, instead the meal began without you, a normal conversation taking place amongst themselves. It was disorienting. Was this how life was supposed to go? Were you allowed to take part in this meal? 

“ [Y/n], please sit. Your food’s getting cold.”

..You decided yes, you were.

The rest of the fantasy was carried out in a similar manner. A layered dress now clothed your body, clean and pressed to fit the standard. The others wore garments of their own, the woman looking the most glamorous of all. The heels of her boots clacked against the wood floors, and all you could do was watch as she tied on her poncho, yet again caught in a transfix. 

A hand grabbed hold of your right. It was Thea, the eldest. 

The city had been changed, as well. Signs of wealth and abundance at every corner, showing an exact replica of the inner cities, deep inside royalty grounds. The stalls alongside the sidewalk provided a variety of embellishments. Brand new collections of clothing, rows upon rows of fish and clay pottery laid out , hauling all the way down the street.

A purple bonnet stood out in the sea of clothes. The woman chuckled.

“Do you want it?”

Her gloved hand dug a couple coins from her purse to hand over, the vendor sliding the bonnet towards you. 

“Have a good day!”

She squeezed your shoulder before pursuing down the sidewalk, the sisters finding interests and desires of their own. A surge of heat spread over your cheeks, your lips following it with a grin. You wished to follow them, to be a part of them forever. But the warmth was gone when your feet didn’t move. 

…Brought back to the real world, you opened your eyes to meet the wall of your empty bedroom, no loud siblings to wake you, and no delicious meal awaiting downstairs. 

No other sign of life, except for the sobs that tore the insides of your throat. 

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╮

The hand that gripped yours now wasn’t gloved, nor as loving as Thea’s. The walk through town was vacant and still, a hushed dread hanging over the citizens that dared anyone to speak up. The purple bonnet was nowhere to be found, and not a single vendor was selling clothes today. It was a lucky day if there were any fresh produce on the market. 

A piece of carefully folded parchment in a tight clutch reminded you the reasoning for today's outing. Lugging you down the streets, the brutal reminder that today was Wednesday hung from the cloudy skies. Post office day.

The entrance door loomed over your much smaller stature. Much like the walls that bordered the city, your neck craned up to get a better glance while she removed her hand to enter, her fingers returning to yours after the door shut. At the desk was a man who appeared busy with paperwork, his eyes flitting up to meet yours for just a second. The paper crinkled as she slid it over the desk.

"I'd like to ship this letter to the Survey Corps headquarters, please."

Her voice slightly wavered as she spoke. The man stared at her for a few blank moments before reaching over to grab the envelope.

"The Survey Corps, huh? I'll make sure this travels there safely."

He then smiled, tipping his hat softly. She thanked him with a nod of her own. It was always him working, but with each visit his kindness remained. Perhaps it was the smile that brought reassurance to other families, but she merely sighed and dropped her chin as you exited the building. You two knew better. 

It was dusk by the time you made it back home. The sun had fallen and painted a sunset behind it, a mixture of purple and red mixing with leftover clouds. Nighttime would be here soon, another day ending. She didn’t say it out loud, but the tally marks she imprinted in her mind each night was easy to deduct. Endless counting and waiting, always waiting. But even without her vocalization, the physical manifestation of his prolonged disappearance, you'd already begun counting, as well.

The skin inside your mouth tore away with another bite as another tally mark drew itself. He’d been gone for five hundred thirty-six days. 

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╮

The events of Wall Maria replayed itself in dreams. He’d been recruited just a couple days prior, and though he wore a loud sneer to calm her, you saw through the facade. His hidden terror, his trembling knees that threatened to give way. He was afraid, probably the most afraid you’d ever seen him. 

Once the news reached the town square, the mass destruction that slept just beyond the border, your mother sobbed for days, grieving under the belief he had perished at the hands of beasts. A violent death that promised suffering and blood shed, it was an image so horrid it terrified you. But as mysterious as miracles are, he was still alive, and was granted the opportunity to return. 

It was the happiest you had ever seen her. Tears of joy decorated the floors as she embraced him, one of his arms around her while the other held you. It was so overwhelming to see him again, all you could do was cry. A couple hours was all he promised, before he had to embark on yet another adventure.

As his figure recessed further and further into the city, it dawned upon you that it was easier this way. With him being gone, maybe he could slip into the grass and vanish into thin air, void from existing. If his living toyed with your mother’s emotions so drastically, maybe it’d be better if he didn’t exist at all. 

You missed the couple from your fantasies. The painting of gold, the love in the air that refused to tear away from their grinning faces. Where are they now?

The guilt cracked the vessels of your heart. You should love him. And yet you don’t. 

…

…His letter never made it back to your house. 

The soldier grimaced at your deadpan stare. He’d just retold the passing of your father, a heroic end met on the battlefield, and all you did was watch. You watched her crumble to the floor in screams and hollers. Her hands quivered under the tremendous weight of her sobs. That beautiful woman from your dream had just died in front of you. 

In the arms of your mother, you wept into her shirt. You wept from the guilt that broke you every night, when you longed for a loving family, yearned for sisters to play with, to hold hands with a mother who spoiled you of fresh clothes. He was someone you idolized once, someone you felt safe around. In his final moments, you wondered, did he think of you? 

While he fought, did he remember your face? Did he yearn for freedom, while his love awaited his return? 

You’ll never know. 

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╮

A whole year goes on.

She only becomes worse. Her skin now pale and grimsly, hair unkept and tangled, food untouched. Who is this stranger sitting across from you?

It kept you awake at night, what led up to his departure. He’s all you think of nowadays. The mystery forever unsolved was excruciating, so painful the nails on your fingers itched your skin till it painted red. Whatever the reasoning had been, you wonder if it was worth it. Were there any regrets left behind, any event he wished he could redo? Could you ever find the answer? 

…The search began when she didn’t wake up. 

Lost to mourn forever, her dreams finally took her away. Wherever she is, you hope she’s happy, as a kiss lands on her forehead. 

Somehow in bed, she appeared much more relaxed. She can finally rest. 

Leaving her to sleep, you departed from the house, just like he did the day he left. With a measly dress shirt and skirt on your form, you pretended they were the beautiful clothes from that dream as the military training grounds rounded the corner. 

A crowd formed a line at the entrance. At the head, a towering man with the posture of an elk, commands dripping from his tongue in a holler. Stepping towards the back, you find your place and await your turn. 

Perhaps you could find the answer here.