#to say oh haha the search function is broke <3

[t4tstarvingdog]

i am just. hating tumblr more and more. haha..

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[im-gettingby]

30 Days of Carry On

posted (and written by?) @captain-aralias

(I’m doing most of these at once because I said so. it’s long so under the cut)

1. Favourite major character

I literally thought — Simon no Baz no Penny no, Agatha!

I guess I will pick Simon, since I relate to him the most — or at least, my connection to him led me into the fandom.

2. Favourite minor character

I think we all know this one 🐑🐑🐑

I have written many a treatise on Lamb Rights. I’ll spare everyone now

3. Character you relate to the most

Oops— I already answered this, kinda. I relate to them in different ways: I relate a lot to WS Simon because he has abandonment issues and “kid who was told he was extraordinary and then grew up to be ordinary” issues. We also both have a “fix all the things for everyone” complex, too.

Baz — It took me a while to get into Baz’s head, but I would say, I relate to him because of his intense emotional world and tendency to see the world through an intensely romantic/tragic lens. But also he’s a Pisces. and I’d never do that like a Pisces does. (Sorry, not sorry.)

4. Which character would you like to go to lunch with?

SHEPARD obviously. I don’t feel the need to elaborate.

5. Favourite non-Snowbaz ship

Ooh! Probably Lamb/Baz or Simon/Shep or just...literally anything. Like, I will read anything as long as it’s well written. The weirder the better. (Within...legal and moral limits.) in my other fandoms I’ve been a big multishipper and there’s not a lot of options for that in CO - which is fine - but wholeheartedly support rarepairs :D

6. Favourite non-romantic OTP

So, obviously Simon/Penny and Baz/Penny are great ones, but I think the nearest & dearest to my heart is Simon/Agatha. The kind of siblings/unwillingly dating/weird exes dynamic and the way they both shaped each other’s lives is just so interesting. And while Simon & Penny are closer, Agatha and Simon represent their aspirational selves to one another. And the way that they were both tied to one another along with their gender roles/places in society and both broke away at the same time is just...mwah

7. Favourite Baz outfit

I honestly dress kinda like Baz. Anything involving a printed silk shirt or a floral brocade suit, so like, all of them? I love WS Baz, his fashion sense is so thoughtful yet fun. He’s so expressive with it — in the sense of both being guarded, being sexy, and playing with masculinity/femininity.

8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?

In case it wasn’t obvious, I absolutely love it. I mean, from a writing/narrative standpoint, I don’t think it’s the most elegant or engaging book ever written, but it’s just so raw and fresh. I don’t see many examples of an author trying to do what Rainbow did, which is build a complex emotional AND plot-driven story with so many characters and so much lore. I’m very excited for AWTWB.

9. Favourite scene from Carry On, besides Chapter 61

I like what the book does/sets up overall. Honestly probably the first scene, where Simon walks to the bus stop & takes the train and just thinks about his life and makes lists -- I love Simon. I know Rainbow said she thinks that bit is boring, but it honestly says so much about his character in a short time. (and he’s an extremely complex character!) Also, Baz’s dramatic entrance. Also, the chapter where Baz says “and I’m hopelessly in love with him” because it’s just so dramatic, and it comes out of nowhere

10. Favourite scene from Wayward Son, besides Chapter 41

Baz and Lamb’s journey across the Strip - vampire lore, jealous Simon, Baz getting to be his own character— it’s beautiful.

11. Remind us about something in canon readers might have forgotten about

Ahahaha um. Simon says he thinks Baz’s cousin Marcus is fit. That’s pretty funny.

12. What are your hopes and fears for Any Way the Wind Blows?

I don’t have any hopes because I don’t want to be disappointed - and that’s not a cynical thing, I just want to go into it with an open mind. (I’ll take a break from fandom and reread the books beforehand so I’m (more of) a blank slate) I guess just...interesting emotional journeys, whatever that ends up being. There’s a lot that Rainbow has to do in the book and I don’t think any one person could get through all of it -- that’s why we have fanfiction.

Fears? I don’t know. I think just...the series ending. Even though I’ve been in fandom for less than a year I just really love this fandom & the thought of that kind of eroding away is sad. But also I don’t think that will happen immediately, and change is a part of life. I’ve never related as much to Cath as I do now :’)

13. An unpopular/cracky opinion you hold

unpopular: Lamb is the best character; I don’t want Simon to get his magic back; both Simon and Baz should have other romantic options.

14. Something from your head fanon

Hmmmmmmm well. Just mean things about Baz really. Like that he’s weird looking, not that great at football, and actually has kind of garish fashion sense. (which is a self-roast as well - see above.) I just feel like Simon/fandom put him on a pedestal, and Simon’s an unreliable narrator re: Baz anyway. So I like the idea that Baz is this average looking kinda strange nerdy guy who is everything Simon has ever wanted in life.

And before you tell me that Baz was hot at Watford and Agatha was into him, have you ever been to a tiny boarding school? Standards get weird 😂😂😂 and Terry being into him — come on. The guy’s a violent pervert.

also - back to Watford being a tiny school. Baz doesn’t have much competition to be the star of the football team. (also, does anyone except Simon even think that he is?)

16. Favourite location other than Watford

Vegas!

17, Favourite location in Watford

I’m pretty bad at Watford lore/geography bc again, I’m way more into WS. Probably the floor in the Cloisters where everything happens the same way, just a day later. There’s a fic there, but I can’t wrap my head around all the time travel implications enough to write it.

18. What would be your favourite subject at Watford?

Any potions-esque subject because I loved chemistry lab. Latin because I loved Latin in school. Uhhhh I don’t like history class, so not that — maybe a literature course focused on the derivation of spells.

19. What would your magical implement be?

Ooh! This is a good one. I’d like to think it would be a weird body piercing. Or a belt a la Gareth. Maybe some kind of traditional south Asian jewelry, like a nose chain or mang-tikka or something. maybe a hat. like, imagine your magical instrument being a fedora and you just have to...wear a fedora all the time.

21. Favourite canon spell

Hm. Kiss it better? Candle in the wind?I should try to think of a non-horny one. honestly they’re all so cool and clever - I love the magic system in CO/WS.

22. What would your eighth year spell at Watford be or do?

Maybe something from a poem I love. That would probably be pretty but not very functional. Or a healing spell.

23. Who would you want as your roommate?

Agatha is uptight, Penny is passive aggressive, Simon is a slob, Baz is both uptight and passive aggressive.

Definitely Shepard.

24. Favourite item of merchandise, official or unofficial

My @subparselkie sticker

25. Favourite book cover design

WS. Oh, another unpopular opinion - I don’t like the kevin wada cover of carry on. their faces look so weird and the colors don’t work for me. I own the version with the blue and yellow cover art instead

26. Do you want a movie? If yes - any fan casts for the movie?

Probably wouldn’t want a movie! Because I am way too possessive of these books/this version of the story. And I am historically extremely disappointed by adaptations — I get upset with the smallest of changes 😂

27. If they made a movie, what scenes do you think they’d cut that you’d be furious were missing?

See above. A LOT haha

28. If you could ask Rainbow Rowell one question, what would it be? (If you have already, you can share if you like)

What is Lamb’s full name????? Is it actually Lamb Lambert Lamborghini the third???

What is Rainbow’s relationship with sheep and goats. Why are there so many references to them

29. Have you read any of Rainbow’s other books?

Only Fangirl

30. How did you get into Carry On and/or Carry On fandom?

I read fangirl & the pages at the end mentioned carry on, so I read that, and enjoyed it but I wasn’t obsessed. Then I read WS spring 2020, reread it a bunch of times, reread CO, freaked out about the cliffhanger/cool vampire stuff/unresolved sexual tension, had pandemic cabin fever, got on AO3, and the rest is history.

As @annabellelux knows, I wrote my first (published) fanfic after reading her amazing fic Drop The Game. and the first fanfic I read was @captain-aralias’ Greener Grass. I was so obsessed that about a month later, I searched through the AO3 tags for it, because I couldn’t remember the title or author but kept thinking about it.

[masonoftheisland]

delason rehabble

DAY 1:

Mason sat in the sand, holding his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth as his phone lay next to him, the screen cracked from its impact with the house after he’d thrown it. Laney’s voice had just been on the other end, begging him to pick her up and asking through agony why they were saying their son wasn’t real. Mason was thankful that her therapist must have hung up the phone for her because he didn’t think he could stomach having to tell her one more time that their son had died.

He held his head between his hands, squeezing until he heard a dull noise from the pressure, letting go and slowly breathing in and out.

Wandering around, Mason continued his breathing exercises, making his way to the local tech store.

“My screen broke,” he said, showing the employee his phone.

“How’d it happen this time?” Although the worker chuckled, Mason was barely keeping his shit together.

“My fiancée called me asking why the doctors keep telling her our baby died. I couldn’t tell her for the 200th time that our baby died months ago. So I threw it at my house.”

He spoke with no emotion, trying to control this reactions to everything as he treaded carefully over his disassociation.

“Oh,” the employee said with shock in his voice. “Well um… look, Mason… I’m sorry, man. I’ll fix it up for you. Come back in an hour.”

Nodding numbly, Mason walked back to his house, counting out the minutes as he curled up against it again.

DAY 4:

It had been too long since he had heard Laney’s voice. Four days didn’t seem like that long but he’d been so used to hearing it every morning and night that he didn’t know what to do without it. Even worse than having to fall asleep alone was knowing that she was alone too.

That night Mason stared at his phone and pressed Laney’s name. It only rang once before her dead battery sent it to voicemail.

“Hey! It’s Laney!” “And Mason!” He heard Laney’s giggle. “Yes and Mason! I can’t answer or maybe I just don’t want to - Mase stop! I’m trying to be serious!” “I’m tickling her sides!” He heard his own laugh now. “Ugh anyway I can’t get to the phone right now! Leave a message after the beep!” “BEEP!” “No not that one! Haha okay seriously bye!”

Then the beep came and Mason found himself listening to it over and over again. Calling somewhere around 80 times. Eventually his eyes had closed and he fell asleep with Laney’s voice in his ear.

DAY 9:

Laney was able to call him again two nights before. That call had gone much better. Her voice was sad but she didn’t ask about their dead baby. He sat on the pier of his Grandpa’s dock, a fishing pole attached right next to him. The sun was warm on his skin and as he leaned back in the chair he sat in he couldn’t help but doze off.

When he opened his eyes, a small boy sat next to him, his skin a deep, tan tone and his eyes were as blue as the water Mason’s feet were splashing in.

“Oh um… hi there.”

“Hello.”

“I’m sorry I don’t-do you know where you are?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay, well do you know your name?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Mason, what’s yours?”

For a moment, the boy stared into Mason’s eyes. A sense of recognition washed over the man, looking at him quizzically. Something inside of Mason said he should know who this little boy was but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Suddenly the boy’s small hand was on his cheek, and he gave Mason a small smile.

“You will know me soon, loʻu tama.”

Mason gasped, woke up and looked around himself. The little boy was nowhere to be found, but tears had rolled down Mason’s cheek and he wiped them away quickly. “My father,” the child had said.

“Ocean,” he breathed out, holding his cheek as his cries grew more intense. He had found a sense of comfort he hadn’t known in a long time in the short dream, and the cries that shook his body were, for the first time in a long time, not from sadness.

DAY 13:

The second week of Laney’s 3 week rehab stint was nearly over and Mason was still not sure how to function alone. He was staying with Daisy and Dustin, and he sat on the couch of their theater room with a bowl of popcorn in his lap and a cream soda in the other hand.

Part of Mason’s therapy was agreeing to be sober, and he hadn’t had a drink since the night he walked into Nirvana and ruined every good thing he had. So cream soda was his drink of choice. The second Planet of the Apes movie was playing on the screen but Dustin paused it.

“How are you doing, man?”

“What?”

“I mean… you’ve been staying here for a while now, and we’re fine with that, obviously! I mean you have your own room here so it’s not even about that, like at all. I just… I haven’t asked, really, how you’re doing.”

“Well, I mean… I miss her. Obviously. I can’t stop worrying about what they’re putting her through, y'know… I just wish I could be there with her…”

“Just one more week, right? Then she’ll be out? Listen, she’s at the same place I was and I haven’t been so good in a long ass time. She’s being taken care of.” It was quiet for a while after Mason thanked him for his reassurance. “Davis is worried about you too, you know…”

“Yeah well it’s because of him and Eleanor that she’s there-”

“It’s for the best that Laney is there, we all know that Brother. You can’t take it out on them.”

Mason knew Dustin was right, and he also knew Dustin was the only one who could talk to him like this and get out alive.

“Look, once I get her back - once I get Laney back in one piece I’ll reach out to him, fix things up. I just… I can’t, right now…”

Dustin nodded, texted their replacement maid while Jeanine visited her sister’s new baby for more popcorn and pressed play on the movie.

DAY 18:

The sun baked deep into Mason’s bare skin as he finished reinforcing the walls in the same way he’d done for Nirvana. He pounded nail after nail into the wall and wiped sweat off of his forehead.

By the end of that day, he was hanging the siding on the home he built for his fiancée. The love of his life and the family he knew they would have one day. He continued pounding nails into the siding until the moon was as high as the mid morning sun.

“For Laney.” Pound. “For my grandpa.” Pound. “For my sanity.” Pound. “For my brother.” Pound. “For my goddaughter.” Pound. “For my son.” Pound.

He repeated that mantra over and over, imagining the wood as something trying to hurt the people he loved and the nail as himself, trying to fight off all the bad things.

“For my fiancée. For my son. For my fiancée. For my son. For my fiancé for my son for my fiancée for my SON FOR MY FIANCÉE FOR MY SON!” By then he was yelling, angry again at the world for taking away his baby boy, the one good and pure thing he would bring into this world and spend his whole life trying not to ruin. Angry at the world for destroying the love of his life to the point that she didn’t want to live anymore. Angry that she had to be taken away from him to get better but mostly angry at himself for not being able to keep the one person who meant the whole world to him safe.

Before he knew it, the siding was done. He admired his handiwork. Thanked Ocean for letting him help whenever the older man got a construction job - despite those silly child labor laws.

He felt a little better, getting his aggression out in a good way, but looking at his watch he realized it was far too late to return to Dustin and Daisy’s. So he trudged his way back to Nirvana, pulling a sleeping bag out of the closet and unrolling it in the dog’s bedroom. Surrounded by puppy breath with Akoni resting his head on Mason’s chest, he fell asleep easily.

DAY 19:

The next morning Dustin was at work so when Mason arrived at their home, Daisy was there helping June get ready for school while balancing Lola in the other arm.

“Alrighty, Joseph packed your lunch up, and it’s on the counter! Trevin’s all ready with the car and you are lookin’ stylin’ and profilin’,” she said with a giggle. “Now gimme a hug and go slay the school day!”

“Hey Bug!” Mason said with a big smile, holding his arms out for a hug, too. June gave him one and grinned back. “Hey do you want me to drive you?”

“No, that’s okay. Trevin’s car has air conditioning, I’ll see you after school though!”

And with that, the little girl disappeared out the front door and Mason followed Daisy into the kitchen where she prepared a bottle for Lola.

“She’s never gonna forgive me, is she?”

“What?”

“June… it’s never gonna be the same.”

Daisy frowned, twirling the bottle in one hand. “Look, Mase…” A pause as she searched for the right words. “We didn’t tell her what happened or where Dustin was or anything but I did tell her she couldn’t really talk about you or to you for everyone’s sake. It doesn’t take a genius to connect the things, and that little girl is quite the genius.”

Mason wanted to say that he knew she was a genius because the books he brought her when she was a child were way above her reading level. He refrained, knowing it wasn’t his place.

“Once everything gets… I dunno, some semblance of normal again, things will get better. A lot has been happening, though. It’s a lot to process.”

Silently, Mason nodded, wringing his hands. He watched as Daisy got Lola to latch onto the bottle and something in his chest tightened as he thought of how he could be doing that now with his own son if he hadn’t been ripped away from them. Still, he took a shaky breath and looked down.

“I know how hard this is, Mason, with Laney being gone for so long and barely getting to hear her voice. I know it’s hard, and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. She’ll be out soon, though. Like really really soon.”

It hit Mason for something like the 20th time that Daisy had been in his exact position, waiting to see Dustin as desperately as he awaited Laney. It hit him that she’d been there because of him - because he made his brother feel like living was a worse option than escaping. And yet they opened their home to him so he wouldn’t be alone. He was struck again with the fact that he did not deserve their friendship or their kindness or their forgiveness. Yet they gave it to him anyway.

Suddenly, Mason choked on a sob as he scolded himself yet again for hurting two of his best friends in such a terrible way. Crying because he was responsible for Dustin’s suicide attempt, crying because he lost a son and was dangerously close to losing a fiancée, crying because despite it all - when Jeanine opened the door for him, Dustin had already anticipated his arrival and had his room ready.

“I’m so sorry-“ he sobbed into his hands. “I’m so so sorry, Daisy oh my god I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Whoa oh… um…” As Daisy watched Mason struggle for air between sobs she looked around for something to help, eventually calling Jeanine to take Lola away from her. As soon as her hands were free, Daisy went over to Mason and put her hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong, Mason? What are you sorry for?”

“I almost took Dustin away from you, I’m so sorry! Why did you forgive me?! How can you even look at me?!”

There wasn’t really a part of Daisy that pitied Mason for any pain Dustin’s incident caused him - in fact there never would be. But that didn’t mean she didn’t hurt for the man who lost a son and was missing his fiancé, not to mention despite it all he was still their best friend.

“Mason listen to me, okay? Listen. You’re overwhelmed, there’s a lot of pain in your mind and your head and your heart right now. You don’t need to bring that up, please Mason - please don’t bring that up I already rarely get a break from playing it over and over in my mind.” Another sob from the boy. “So please don’t let yourself think about that right now. That’s over and it’s done and nothing will change it. What matters is moving forward. You’re going to see Laney so soon, okay? Just think about that. You’ll see her soon.”

Then Mason wrapped his arms around her and held her as he calmed down, crying into her shoulder.

“I don’t deserve you two.”

And maybe Daisy agreed but he was still Dustin’s brother and he was still someone she loved and wanted to take care of, whether he was worthy of that care and love or not.

“How quickly can you plan a wedding?” Mason asked in a choked voice once he’d calmed down.

“What?”

“If its too much to ask, just say no, but I want to marry Delaney as soon as I can after I pick her up on Saturday. You’re the best planner I know.”

For a few moments, Daisy sat there with a thoughtful expression on her face.

“If you want a courthouse wedding then about 20 minutes, if you want a nice one, photographers and a dress and a cake - all that - that’ll be about… 2 Days, 3 days max. If you get me your suit size, of course.”

“Would you mind? Helping me?”

“Not at all, Mason. I’ll start making some calls. Why don’t you have Joseph make you some tea? It’ll help you feel better.”

Nodding, Mason pulled Daisy into another hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. Daisy nodded.

“You’re welcome. It’s going to be so much better soon, I promise.”

DAY 21:

Mason signed the release papers more quickly than he thought he’d ever done anything in his life. He promised to listen to the instructions that the doctors gave him, promised to make sure she went to all of her appointments and did everything she had to in order to stay better.

So there he sat, anxiously awaiting the vision of beauty he was sure she would be no matter what she looked like. He stood in a button up shirt and suit pants and held a giant bouquet of flowers. A cheesy, humongous smile rested on his face as he swayed on his feet, unable to catch his breath as he heard footsteps coming up the hallway.

They grew quicker as they grew closer and upon seeing Delaney, Mason threw his arms out, welcoming her in for a hug.

“Oh my god!” He practically squealed. “Oh my god Laney, baby my beautiful girl look at you I’ve missed you so much!”

Pulling her in for a deep kiss, Mason held her so tightly you’d think she would disappear if he let her go. Perhaps he was afraid she would.

“How are you?,” he asked with more sincerity in his voice than maybe ever before.

“I’m good,” she said, nodding slowly. “I’m much better.”

Mason picked her up in his arms, swinging her around before kissing her again. As he set her down, he held one of her hands with one of his own, the other presenting the large bouquet.

“For the love of my life for being strong enough to stay with me forever. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.”

The smile on Laney’s face matched Mason’s and he kissed her once more.

“I have a question for you,” he told her as they walked towards his car.

“And what’s that?,” she asked curiously.

“Wanna get married tomorrow?”

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

The librarians s4ep2 liveblog

another!

spoilers and gibberish as always ahead

okay I was suspecting the christmas episode but having that closer to christmas makes sense but are the episodes now in the right order?

okay enourmous sign spelling “fortune downs” maybe that’s a sign? like in both ways

-cool a toaster that can detect new artifacts!

-okay cassie and jake having an argument and jake bringing up deep personal stuff like woaaaaah  character development!

-okay i’m gonna have to think and watch for a while before I can say something about the recognition thing and the fact that they are arguing. I feel like tehre are some very important points in just a few tiny sentences (maybe someone said it really well already and I can simply reblog once I’m done watching and ready to fangirl

-okay they’re setting up the big problems quite early this season and I dunno it feels like a bit rushed? Like in season 1 when the first two episodes where just crammed with exposition to get us to a starting point from which we took things slowly and saw them develop over time. so I’m kinda hoping those two episodes function in the same way as providing the set up and then slowly fleshing the concepts out instead of rushing it

-also a friend called slate not sure what to expect but omg we’re gonna see some friend of jake? exciting!

.-I don’t know why but i’m still waiting for this magical feeling to arrive, maybe I don’t have it yet because I stop all the time (or because my expectations are so goddamn high

-okay I’m so here for the jake still hiding and not having yet told his friends conflict, even though that one knows he’s effing smart so? so the only bit he didn’t tell is his new job? i thought he also hid his intelligence for years but slate noticed it anyways or? also he just doesn’t seem to know jake’s motive for working on an oil rift?i find that a bit confusing but exciting nonetheless we will see how the yexplain it further

-ah she talked about the horse from the one promo pic i thought she was looking at jake xD XD

-okay i’m trying to watch more at a time without typing but yet again cassandras outfit is super super cute

-awww jake would train horses

-okay i’m just guessing but maybe the thing I assume it was a ring from the video that went mega bling turns out to be the artefact

-haha cassie geht zocken XD

-okay he stole the luck and touched him with the hand with the ring on it still calling it

-like stone just did but maybe that’s to easy

-okay why ist the woman clutching her hand in pain when cassie won?

-oh shit they broke ezekiel

-flynn has cold feet

-but flynn fired up a door before when he searched for charlene so why of the sudden it’s like he doesn’t know how to use that globe? doesn’t make sense? except he subconsciously tried to break it

-okay that waaas to easy

-haha they forgot cassie and she’s wearing a cowboy hat XD

-maybe the woman is some sort of trapped fortuna or some mystical cretaure or something?

plot twist and omfg I actually got that right?? like dafuw i called that

-okay fortuna is just tired of sexism and I think they should totally help her

-okay I think it might feels a bit rushed to me ebcause this time I spoilered myself with promos and the librarians is always more magical when it takes you by surprise

-okay since when is ezekiel so up for doing the punchy stuff?

-okay high stakes this time

-okay maybe don’t help her

-okay also jake and cassie...personal space what personal space? like come on they stand so close together they are actually touching

and now they bumped into each other

-okay tbh i’m seeing quite a few jassandra moments here, i don’t care if they’re platonic or not i live for little cute moments like this <3 brotp and otp which one i don’t care

-also i recently said it somewhere on here i simply adore how the librarians deals with gender stereotypes <3

-and again i agree with ezekiel

-and he walks off into the sunset aww

sonow may the reblogging and tweeting fangirl mess begin!