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#to see all the detail and hard work i would be very grateful đŸ„șđŸ„ș
wyldhunt · 2 years
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kintsugi of golden sap
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hyunfilms · 6 months
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blue side of the sky (lmh) | eleven.
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♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist
—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.
—pairing: lee know x f. reader
—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut
—word count: 4.1k
—chapter content/warnings: cussing, a little look into mrs. pak and oc's relationship at work, mentions of cancer, flashbacks - one is just a random little moment with friends and the other is more oc x minho centered.., oc x san content, most of this is centered on oc's feelings đŸ„ș
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"So, are you seeing your friend today?" Mrs. Pak turns to you while you stand at the register, smiling as she puts a small bouquet together next to you.
"San?" She nods. "Yes. We're just going to eat and catch a movie."
"Sounds like a date?" You giggle.
"Nooo." You elongate your response. "We're just friends, Mrs. Pak."
"Have you guys hung out before?"
"Every now and then, we'd see each other for a meal or to walk around. Nothing too extravagant." You chuckle. "We talk almost everyday."
"That's sweet. Do you enjoy his company?"
"I do. He's very nice. I feel comfortable around him, and I feel like that's been hard for me post-accident." You look at her. It hasn't been long since you've started working with Mrs. Pak, but she was easy to confide in. You opened up to her about your accident, losing your mom and not remembering those details— losing every bit of you and not remembering things before the accident. You told her you felt like you were finally settling in in this world, this new chapter, new reality. It's been very difficult, but you were starting to feel comfortable and at ease.
The same thing goes for Mrs. Pak, as she's had help come and go in the shop. But, she's never felt so.. content and happy with your presence. You could simply walk into the room and Mrs. Pak feels like she'd never be alone. For awhile, she's felt alone— especially after she suddenly lost her husband to cancer.
But now, you're here and she feels better. Happier. More alive.
And she's not sure how you do it, but she is grateful. She is grateful you are helping, she is grateful you care. She is grateful you are here.
"That's good, no? It's important that you surround yourself around good people." You smile.
"Yeah. I agree."
"What if he likes you?" You raise a brow and shake your head with a small giggle. "I mean of course, you can always be friends. But, what if?"
"Then, I'm not so sure. He's very sweet. I just don't think—" You let out a breath. "I don't know—" Pause. "Maybe I'm not ready?" But, before you can follow up with an explanation, Mrs. Pak is jumping in.
"I don't think it's that, love. I think you'll be ready when the right time comes." She smiles. "I think you have your mind set on someone else." You blush.
"W-what? No." 
"I can see it in those lovely eyes of yours, dear." She giggles as you look back down to your hands, remembering the time you've been spending with your friends, with Minho— times at the studio, his cafĂ©, random kick-its in the city.
Most importantly, you think about how Minho started to feel more and more like your bestfriend. But lately, he's felt a little warmer, a little closer. He looks at you a little differently, keeps you close a little differently.
Like you are his bestfriend,
Like you remind him of love— a certain memory, probably a certain form of love.
☁ FLASHBACK | HANGING OUT AT THE FOODIELAND NIGHT MARKET A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO
"Dude, dude, dude!" Jisung excitedly calls out. "I need to try those garlic noodles with the lobster. Ooh, and the bungeoppang?!" Jisung starts to point in every direction. "Wait, the ramen burgers—"
"Can we just make our way around?" Seungmin pushes him aside.
"Why, do you plan on eating the entire night market?" Jisung tries to be sassy with his response.
"Yeah, maybe?" Seungmin snaps back, making Chan shakes his head.
"Okay, shut up. Let's just walk." Chan starts to lead the way by walking backwards. He shoots a smile at you before asking: "What about you though, Y/N? Anything catch your eye? We'll go there first."
"Hm, I'm not sure yet. I'm kinda down for whatever." You shrug a bit, tugging at the ends of your sweater sleeves while Minho stands next to you.
"Garlic noodles it is!" Jisung says with a little dance, causing Seungmin to smack him upside the head as the group starts to make their way over to the food booth.
"Are you okay? Are you cold?" Minho looks down at you with concern.
"A bit. I probably shouldn't have left my jacket in the car, huh?" You giggle and he nods.
"Have to say Jisung was right for that one." He does a slight head tilt before he's removing his zip up and placing it over your shoulders. "Better?"
"Oh, Minho. You don't have to, you're in a t-shirt—" He shrugs.
"It's okay, Y/N. I can live." He chuckles a bit. "It's not too bad for me. I'd rather you be comfortable than not." You slip your arms into the sleeves.
"Thank you." He smiles.
"Yeah." He continues to remain by your side as the group falls in line at the first food vendor. Jisung is venting about his coworker to Seungmin and Chan, his eyes subtly falling on Minho's jacket that you're currently wearing.
"You shouldn't have left your jacket in the car, cielo." Jisung does a slight pout. "Do you need me to run back and—"
"No, it's fine! Minho's will do." You look up at Minho and he nods in agreement.
"It's fine? Why stress?" Minho furrows his brows at him, making Jisung shrug.
"Okay then. Don't come crying to me when you get cold." He points at Minho.
"Why on earth why I do that? I wouldn't, even if you were the last person here."
"Good, I don't wanna help you anyway." Jisung spits back, making you roll your eyes and shove him forward."
"Pachi, the line is moving." He inches forward with another shove from Chan.
"Why is everyone fucking pushing me today?!"
"Because we can literally lose our spot in line!" Chan says with a low groan. "I knew this was gonna be a headache." He continues to go on while him, Seungmin and Jisung stand in front of you and Minho. The line continues to move until your group is at the front, with Chan offering to pay for everyone to make it easier. 
Afterwards, the group decides to make their way around to get drinks and dessert— you opting for some sugarcane juice and bungeoppang that you'll share. You slide yourself onto the top of the picnic table, with Minho standing next to you; Jisung, Chan and Seungmin occupying the rest of the space on your opposite side. 
"This was really good." You set aside the noodles and sip on your juice. 
"See, what'd I tell you?" Jisung smiles. "So good. I think I'm gonna go around some more."
"For what?" Seungmin asks.
"I wanna try some other stuff." Jisung stands. "Anybody wanna come?"
"I'll go." Seungmin joins him.
"Pass." Chan adds. "I'm actually going to check out that booth really quickly." He points at one of the retail vendors, stretching as he stands and gets ready to head over.
"I'm good." You say with a small smile.
"Same." Minho says before sipping on his drink.
"Party poopers." Jisung says. "Cielo, text me if you want something else." You nod, watching as they turn and start to walk back towards the food booths, Chan already at the retail booth he was eyeing. 
"You sure you don't want anything else?" You shake your head and raise the bungeoppang up to Minho. 
"No, this will do me some good. Split this with me?" He nods, taking the bungeoppang as he sits next to you and makes an even split down the middle. You smile as he hands you your piece, gobbling it up quicker than expected. Minho smiles just as you finish up, wiping your hands on the napkin by the table. You miss some crumbs at the corner of your mouth, and he's suddenly having to force himself to not reach. Though, it feels like the worst internal battle and he knows he's going to lose this one the moment you look back up at him. "W-what?" You look at Minho staring at you, confused. He smiles and laughs a bit before he takes his thumb to the corner of your lip and wipes away at the lingering crumbs. You watch, blushing as he takes his thumb away and wipes it on his napkin. "Oh."
"All good."
"You sure?" You ask and he chuckles.
"I think so." He tilts his head to the side to quickly scan the other corner of your mouth. "Yeah, you're good."
"Thank you." You smile toothlessly at him and he wants to scream. God, you're so cute. Why was he such a fucking dumbass? "You're taking care of me a lot tonight."
"I'm happy to."
☁ END
You look down at your hands, unsure of what to say. Because Mrs. Pak is probably right— no, she is. You're just not sure what it means for you, or him. 
He is your bestfriend.
Why do you feel much more for him? 
Why do you feel connected at a much, much deeper level?
Too attached, almost.
"I hope you know that it's totally okay. But maybe, it's something you'll need to confront earlier than later. To keep your friendship with San?"
"You're right." You tell her with a small, pursed smile. "If it comes up tonight, I'll just.. be honest with him."
"It's the only way to do it, hun." You nod in agreement before shifting your attention to the couple that just walked in.
The rest of your shift goes by rather quickly, with you cleaning around the shop and helping make one last bouquet before San strolls in. He has a huge smile on his face, waving to you just as he makes his way closer.
"San, hey." You giggle as he makes it to the counter, eyeing the single roses off to the side.
"Hey! Sorry, am I bit early?" You shake your head as you wrap up the bouquet you were working on.
"No, I'm just finishing this up!" At this point, Mrs. Pak comes out from the back of the shop after rearranging the pre-ordered bouquets for tomorrow. 
"Hi." She smiles at him. "You must be San."
"And you must be Mrs. Pak." He reciprocates the smile and shakes her hand. "I've heard a lot about you! Good things."
"Oh, good. I'd hope so."
"Is it okay if I steal Y/N away for the remainder of the evening?"
"Of course." She winks at you as you undo your apron and hang it on the rack behind the counter. "Please keep her safe."
"Absolutely." He says. "It was really nice to meet you, Mrs. Pak. I hope to see you more often."
"Likewise." You bid your goodbye to Mrs. Pak, ensuring she'd be okay to close up before leaving. You throw your jacket on as you walk out of the shop, following San out onto the street— the sun heavily beaming down, giving its last burst of energy before it slowly sinks below the horizon. You quickly glance over at Sunday Morning, then shift your attention to San. "How was work today?" He asks as he leads you down to the main street.
"It was good! A bit busy, but nothing too bad." You continue to look up at him as he walks alongside of you. "What'd you do today, Sannie?"
"Hm, I worked out this morning, did some groceries and cleaned my apartment."
"Sounds like another good, productive day."
"It was. I like it when my days are good and productive." You laugh.
"So, where are we going first?"
"Well, I thought we should try out this place a few blocks down that is popular for their unagi." He smiles. "Hm, then there's Peace Piece nearby that has some good pies. I really like their drinks too."
"That sounds yummy."
"Yeah?" He laughs. "Good to know. Hopefully it'll be Y/N approved once we eat." You giggle and nod, reassuring him that you'll find any place he takes you to delicious. The walk is nice at this time of day, some streets busier than others, but it's nice. It's not long until you get to the restaurant, where San has already made a reservation to avoid the long wait. You're immediately seated in the far corner of the restaurant next to the windows, with San pulling out your chair first before settling himself in. They serve water and tea while the both of you skim through the menu, with San voicing out his recommendations and what he thinks would be good to order.
At this point, you're hungry and you agree to his plan. Everything on the menu looks amazing, and you trust San's taste.
You spend some time talking about your days and how things have been, and San has been unloading some of his work drama while you eat away. He talks about how he wants to travel again soon, but this time with JJ and their friends— whenever they all are ready and can align on schedules. Which, turns the conversation to his time away and how scary it was for him at first. San has always openly talked about being away and how different it was, but he's never really had a chance to touch up on his feelings about the entire thing. You're glad he's comfortable confiding in you, because you feel the same way. You feel like you could be honest with San, and you genuinely find a true friend in him.
As promised, he takes you to Peace Piece after since there's time to kill before the next plan. The both of you share a big, hefty slice of banana cream pie to top everything off. Afterwards, San takes you to the movies since this is the only weekend they're holding a special Studio Ghibli event. Surprisingly, you don't run into anyone you know being that the theater is located in a popular plaza.
At least to your knowledge.
Too bad Minho was around with some friends, and he does catch you with San— even though you're a good couple of feet away from him. He sees you holding onto San's arm, the two of you engaging in a lively conversation that has you laughing and smiling at him on your walk over to the movies.
And his heart breaks.
No wonder you hadn't been so responsive today. Maybe you really did like San, and Minho needed to accept it. Because he's been unfair to you before, and he'd hate to do that again. You deserved to be happy; whatever that happiness looked like to you.
He would never get in the way of that.
"Dude let's just go to the restaurant down the street, I'm hungry." Hyunjin says to one of their other friends, beginning to lead the way. "—Coming or what?" Minho barely catches onto his last question because he's too focused on watching you and San walk into the theater. It pulls him out of his thoughts enough to respond with a silent nod and a pursed smile.
Long fucking night ahead for him.
San bought two tickets for Spirited Away, selecting seats in the middle section of the theater. You plop onto the comfy, recliner chair, watching as San props his feet up and also gets comfortable. He leans over to ask if you want anything to snack on, but you tell him you'll pass as you're still feeling stuffed from dinner and dessert. Shortly after, the theater fills up and the movie is off to a start.
You're enjoying the movie so much that you miss the way San glances over at you from time to time, softly smiling at the way your eyes light up at every scene, how you're so focused and full of curiosity. Your hand rests on the middle console and San feels like such a silly little boy for even having the thought, but he acts on it anyway— resting his hand on the console right next to yours, hand slightly twitching, aching, to pull yours into his.
You don't really notice it though, at least not right now. The movie brings these small bits and feelings of nostalgia, and suddenly, you miss your friends.
Minho.
Not that San was bad company, but you kinda wish he was around.
You're pulled out of your thoughts when you feel San's hand brush over yours. You look at him and he politely asks for permission through his eyes. You give him a tiny smile and he proceeds to lace his fingers with yours. His hand is warm, and it doesn't make you uncomfortable. It feels nice, but it also doesn't feel right.
In a way where you think your hand belongs in someone else's, how your fingers are meant to be laced with another's.
Warmth felt from another's hand.
San holds your hand for the rest of the movie, even as you walk out of the theater and out to the car. He opens your door like the true gentleman he is before hopping in his seat and driving off to another location. He mentions the small beach near your house and you nod, going along with his plans since he's been great the entire night. You like spending time with San, there's no question about it.
But, you know why he wants to take you to the beach.
You know why he has that look in his eyes, you know why he looks at you the way he does.
You have to be honest, it's the only way.
Arriving at the beach, there's only a few cars parked in the lot with people walking along the sand or sitting to watch the waves under the night sky. San puts the car in park, but he doesn't get out. The car is still on, just to have the soft music playing in the background.
Thank god, it can at least fill the void when you tell him the truth.
You are nervous.
"It's so pretty tonight. The sky is so clear."
"I know, isn't it?" You lean forward to get a better view of the moon, and the way its light hits the surface of the water. "I don't remember if I used to come here often, but I hope I did. It's perfect."
"I'm sure. There's no way you'd let the opportunity pass." You both chuckle. "I.. actually wanted to talk to you about something. I figured this would be the perfect setting for it, especially before ending the night." He settles into the driver's seat before looking at you. "I honestly don't even think it's a secret anymore, but it doesn't even matter." He says with another nervous chuckle. "I wanted you to know that my feelings for you have grown." He looks at you, genuinely and truly looks at you. And it breaks your heart that you don't feel the same, that you can't be this person for San even though part of you kinda wishes you could be. "I can understand if you're not ready or anything, I don't want to rush you. But, in the amount of time we've gotten to get to know each other and hang out, I've come to care for you. A lot. We get along really well, and it's been awhile since I've felt this way with someone. Since I've felt so comfortable. And, this might sound like a stupid line but I really think you're perfect. I mean that. "
"San." You say in a gentle tone as you grab his hand and caress the top with your thumb. "You're seriously the sweetest. It's really flattering to hear that, and I'm really glad I can make you feel comfortable and everything. I really am happy that you were able to open up to me." You let out a small, shaky breath before subtly biting your lip and fiddling with your fingers. You gain more courage to look at him again, eyes wide and full of worry. But, the longer you take to respond fully, the more he begins to understand, the more he knows where this is going—
And he should've prepared for it. He should've expected it. But, it still stings a bit.
You will always be his.
You will always be Minho's.
"I—" You start but San shakes his head. "I just don't want to ruin what we built. You know? As friends. I really am grateful we've gotten close."
"You don't have to explain, Y/N." He gives off a small laugh.
"No, but, I'm just afraid. I'm.. not sure I can be the person you need me to be, San. You're amazing, you're good at everything, you're incredibly sweet—" You sigh. "I'm re-learning how to exist and I don't even know where things will take me." Truthfully, you didn't think he would be able to understand you, understand this— all of you. And you didn't want to be that pressure for him, that time-consuming, that much of a responsibility.
Because you know you will be.
"I understand." He says with a soft smile. "But, you are doing great, Y/N. Don't ever discredit yourself. You've gone through a lot and you haven't given up. Plus, look at you. You're getting back into the things that you love."
"I'm sorry, Sannie. I really am." You say, close to a whisper. "I wish I could be that person for you, but I'm still trying to figure myself out. You deserve someone who can give you their all and be present with you throughout everything and anything. I'm so sorry." You repeat.
"Don't be." He lifts your chin with his finger and gives off a tiny chuckle. "Don't be, okay?" He repeats. "I promise you everything is fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." You give him a reassuring, toothless smile. "But, Y/N?"
"Hm?" You hum.
"You should tell him." You furrow your brows at him with a slight head tilt. 
"But—"
"I can just tell." He chuckles a bit before starting the car. "I'm sure he wants to talk to you about it, too."
☁ FLASHBACK | THE OTHER EVENING
"Hi." You race to your phone in the kitchen after showering and getting ready for bed, noticing it's Minho on the other end.
"Hey. Sorry, didn't mean to bother." You chuckle.
"I'm just at home, Minho. You're not a bother at all. Are you okay?" He sighs and nods, even though you can't see him.
"Yeah, kinda. I'm just really tired. I wanted to drop by and hang out with you for a bit, but I can barely keep my eyes open." You look at the clock and notice how it's barely 10pm. Minho must be exhausted lately.
"It's okay. You can always swing by on other days." You plop onto your bed after shutting off your lights, though you opt to keep your christmas lights on even as you settle under the sheets.
"Yeah." You can hear him yawn a bit before shuffling in his bed. "How was your day?"
"It was alright. I just went to the pottery studio before my shift at the shop."
"Cute. What did you make today?"
"I attempted to make a Kirby planter for my succulents." You chuckle. "Keyword is attempted. I hope it turns out okay because I need to re-pot my succulents soon."
"I'm sure it'll turn out great." He smiles a bit. 
"Did you have a busy day?"
"Very."
"Why don't you sleep?" You softly ask him as you lay on your side, exhaustion slowly hitting you as well.
"Mm, I wanted to hear your voice." He responds. "I didn't get to see you so I— I thought I could at least call you and talk to you." You giggle.
"But, you're tired. Are you sure that's it?" Minho thinks about your question because no, that's not it. Not at all. He wants to tell you how much he misses you, and how much he's been thinking about you. How he wishes he can hold you and kiss your cheek, your hand. How he always gets butterflies when he sees you because he likes you— 
No, loves you.
Because he does love you.
He fucked up.
He loves you.
"Minho?" You call out for him. "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, sorry."
"I thought you fell asleep."
"No. I was thinking about something."
"Like what?"
"Stuff." You chuckle.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I hope you know you can always talk to me about anything."
"I know. I just.. nevermind." He sighs and shuts his eyes. "I need to sort out my thoughts first, that's all."
"Hm." You hum. "Okay." It's obvious Minho is holding back from whatever he needs to say, but you will never force him until he's ready to. 
"You might hate me for it." He suddenly says, close to a whisper.
"Why would I ever do that? There's nothing wrong with sorting through your feelings." You say in a way that's so innocent and so.. caring, that his heart does flips in his chest. It aches. "I couldn't hate you even if I tried." It's this statement that makes Minho's heart officially crumble into pieces because even though it's reassuring to hear—
He knows there is a possibility you will.
"I don't know." He chuckles a bit. "I'm just tired I guess, I'm kinda going off the rails now."
"Go to sleep soon. I'll sleep too."
"Okay." He pauses. "Y/N?"
"Yes?" He pauses again. You patiently wait on the other end even as your eyes shut.
"I—" He lets out a breath. "I hope you rest well." He deflects.
"I hope you do, too. Will I see you this week?"
"You will."
"Try not to think about it too much now, okay? I don't want you to go to bed upset." You sleepily say.
"Hm." Minho hums. "I'll try to."
☁ END
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Okay I wanna talk about the end in stormbringer because it’s crazy. Mori tells Chuuya that they know he’s human because when he was younger he got stabbed by a pencil when he fought a kid in his class (Chuuya went to school? đŸ„ș) and that the tiny mark on his hand was proof that he wasn’t an experiment. That was such a tiny detail that I couldn’t help but wonder if Dazai finally got to examine Chuuya’s body like he wanted to..1/2
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Hmm
 sorry op but I really think Dazai had nothing to do with that. Even if he had seen the scar, the significance of it probably would’ve been lost on him. It’s not that Chuuya has the scar that proves anything (he has many scars), it’s that he received the scar before he was kidnapped.
Besides, I personally like that Dazai has nothing to do with that part. To me, it’s pretty important that scene be between Chuuya and Mori. It’s Mori who has the records on Chuuya, and this is the last means of confirming that he is the original and not a clone. For Mori to be the one to give that information to him is significant. He waited for years to tell him that and show him where his parents were, after Chuuya had worked hard to achieve his position - there’s very little chance of him leaving and Mori knows this. He gives him the info he had joined to acquire, but it’s been long enough and Chuuya is now invested enough in the people who had his back that he doesn’t leave and instead affirms his position in the Mafia, even feeling grateful for everything.
This scene is also interesting in that I’m curious how Mori would know all this information. A graphite scar can actually be a hard thing to notice. Take it from someone who actually has one on their hand; it just looks like a grey dot, or a slightly paler raised portion of skin with a tiny sliver of grey underneath, if it’s like mine. If you don’t know it’s there or what it’s from, it can be really hard to see (especially if it’s from several years ago). It’s possible N and the researchers documented all marks and blemishes on Chuuya’s body before starting procedures (this isn’t actually atypical lab practice - I’ve actually done blemish checks myself - but obviously for items, not people), but the graphite scar is such a specific thing and such a specific story (why would a researcher record that) that it makes me suspect Mori somehow knew about it firsthand. I may be paranoid but. You know. Again, it could have been recorded in his school records though and pieced together by Mori that way. “Chuuya went to school? đŸ„ș” <- I do the exact same thing when I think about kid Chuuya doing literally anything. He definitely always had his temper but I suspect he was a good kid. I don’t know how he would’ve done in school though. Would he be attentive, or get bored with it? I actually suspect the first, since if I’m not mistaken, his irl namesake did really well in school until he started to rebel against his strict father. So yeah. Kid Chuuya going to school and doing his homework and occasionally getting into fights if anyone says the wrong thing about his parents. Good good mental image.
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bitsandbobsofwriting · 1 year
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Gorgeous, excellent, perfection, absolutely exquisite. Lovely to see you back and every second was well worth the wait of reading more of your work. I cannot wait for the second part (except that I’d wait many years to read it still). Hope life is treating you as well as you deserve and that writing is still a fun hobby/outlet rather than a chore. Never feel obligated to write or to share, but please know that I’m grateful for every time you do.
(Merlin’s anger is wonderful and needed and exquisite cause you can still read all the protectiveness that it partially roots from while still seeing all the past slights that turned it into this quick temper when faced with the knights/Arthur. And Arthur’s earlier almost “where’s Merlin” was such a wonderful touch. Adore having some of Leon’s perspective thrown in there, he’s always a personal favorite. The connection between Merlin and Mordred and his ability to see the bigger picture, to forgive things that shouldn’t have been in question to begin with, the bond formed now that Merlin is not up close to it all is just lovely. I could go on and on because there’s not one piece that lacked my attention and love) -c
(Referencing This Fic)
Not me having to leave the living room and have a big happy stim and cry after reading thisđŸ„ș
It's been really tough for me to get things out recently, not for any bad reasons, I'm just very busy and have a lot of other things that are giving me more motivation, but it means so much to me that I have people waiting so patiently for my stuff!!
I absolutely still enjoy writing, and when I get into it, I get really into it. I'm on a bit of a roll at the moment (touch wood), so hopefully that continues long enough that I can at least finish this fic😅.
And I'm glad you picked up on so much!!! Merlin is such an integral part of Arthur's life, he definitely struggles to cope long term with the fact that Merlin is gone and is actually for real not coming back this time. And I hate when writers dismiss the friendships between Merlin and everyone except Arthur, Lance, Gwaine and Gwen. Yes, he may have been closer to those four, but he still spent significant amounts of time with the others.
This will be explained in more detail later on in the story, but Merlin got to a point in his relationship with Freya where... waiting was no longer an option. He'd waited and waited, and Freya was happy to go along with it and would be happy to continue, but... Merlin wasn't? So yeah, he still cares about the knights and Camelot, he doesn't really want them to die or suffer too much, but he is angry, and he didn't really want to see them ever again, and he'd forced himself to stop prioritising destiny. Because it wasn't just himself he was dismissing now, it was Freya, and the life they could have together (that they now do have) if he'd just turned his back on the prophecies. So as hard as it was, he made that decision, and it turned out to be the best thing he's ever done, and not caring about the prophecies means... he can be objective when it comes to Mordred. He can begin to see him as just a scared boy with magic, just like him, with so much faith and a heart so big it hurts. And he resents Arthur more, outside of failing as The Once and Future King, because he saw a teenager, a child, hold up a sword almost bigger than him and say "I want to fight!" with his chubby fingers and puppy-fat cheeks, and said "Yeah, alright." and what the shit is up with that?! Ya know??
We ALSO say FUCK toxic masculinity in the next bit :)))
Anyway. Shit is gonna go down. But there will be a happy ending :D
I love you guys so much <3
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bluejayblueskies · 3 years
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Your writing means a lot to me. You are very skilled as a writer. I can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into everything you create, because it’s always so well-crafted, from the concept to the overall storyline and pacing to the smallest details of characterization and description. Your TMA fic captures the tone of the original and digs deeper into the themes it brought up, and your characterization is always so spot-on I can hear the dialogue in their voices. Your work somehow encapsulates everything I love about TMA and then goes beyond it in ways that seem so perfectly fitting it makes me sad we never got that in canon. You are amazing and wonderful and I am so grateful every time you post another story, or a new chapter.
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down about your writing lately, and worried about how your work will be received.
I know how frustrating it can feel to work hard on something and be proud of it, and then see it not get the recognition it deserves from a wider audience. I have one fic that achieved moderate popularity, and then nothing else I’ve written since has gotten more than a third of that amount of attention. (The story wasn’t much better quality than most of the other fics I’ve written, but it just happened to be a premise more people were interested in and got spread around more on tumblr.)
Still, I don’t think it’s a waste to write something just because you want to see it, or a waste to share it even if the audience it receives ends up being fairly small. Even on some of my less popular fics I’ve gotten comments like “this gave me a lot of feelings” or “thanks for writing a very accurate version of how it feels to be...there (mentally speaking, I mean), this is the best description of that I have found up till now” or “this fic really hit hard for me and it meant a lot, gonna be thinking about this one for a while.”
One fic I was putting out serially in chapters, there were 3 people who would regularly read and comment on every chapter, and 5 people bookmarked it. (Which, yeah, is only a handful of people, but still that handful of people cared deeply about this story, enough to read and comment on each chapter as it came out, and enough to want to read it again when it was finished.) A story that only ends up appealing to a few people might still be really meaningful to those people. As a reader, there are certain fics which really resonated with me and which I’ve found great value in, even though they aren’t as popular as some of the writer’s other work.
I hope your latest piece finds a wider audience than you’re expecting right now, that a lot of people read it and comment on it. But if it doesn’t, I hope you get to hear from the people you touched the most about how much it resonates with them, and that you can appreciate the value of your own work even when it doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.
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first of all, this message is making me feel so many happy fuzzy emotions, i don't quite know how to handle all of them or how to put the full extent of my gratitude into words đŸ„șđŸ„șđŸ„ș💕💕💕😭😭😭 i've read through this several times already, and i think i'll probably do so in the future as well because it's just so lovely and is making me very emotional 💛💛💛
second of all, thank you so so much for this 💛 even though i know that fics that reach a small audience can be really meaningful to that audience and that numbers really don't matter, i can still get caught up in placing my success as a writer on... i guess quantity over quality? but getting reminders that certain works resonate with certain people and that just because that number of people isn't a lot it doesn't mean that the fic was a waste is really helpful for me. i'm definitely hopeful that even though the concept for my fic is kind of niche, there will still be people (other than me) who find meaning and enjoyment in it!
thank you again for this, so so much--i appreciate it more than i can articulate 💕
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