#today I'm visiting my grandma and then I have to nanny!!

[villainsrph]

— so. guess who got a job? this guy ! ♡

[dominickrohnpoetry]

Echoes of a Forgotten Past

An old birthday card I stumbled upon From what I'd guess, the late 90's The contents of which contained My Grandma's, err, my Nanny's handwriting

You see, she always wrote in cursive A knack she mastered in school A relic of a forgotten time One that I love and think is so cool

Seeing this, reading this, I pause Not realizing I'm smiling so much Happiness encompassing my body And soul equally as such

Because, endless memories They start to flood on through Both precious and detailed and Things I didn't remember that I knew

Like this one time my brother and I Were playing inside and didn't quite listen Broke my Nanny's big green frog A considerably bad decision

Because we took a paddling to our asses But we found that quite amusing Until we had to eat chili afterwards A different pain in the ass in the bathroom later we were using

I also remember how every Sunday My Nanny watched me play soccer I wasn't the best out there But that would never seem to stop her

From cheering me on because If I scored she'd give me a dollar And even if I didn't With pride she'd still hoot and holler

I recall days she'd pick me up From school at 3:35 right on the dot At Los Tules out on Gail Ave. with A silver Ford Taurus in the parking lot

And it wasn't just my Nanny but Sometimes my grandpa would be waiting In his old Orange Toyota Radio on, sitting there contemplating

Grandpa was always quiet But I loved to pick his brain He had endless knowledge That I eagerly wanted to gain

He used to build things In his garage with such joy He had a million different tools Those things were his toys

Speaking of which, the middle room Grandpa's collector's room, amazing Thousands of hot wheels cars Lined the walls, it was dazing

My Grandpa collected Hot Wheels For who knows whatever the reason His notepad had details for every car That he could find for every season

But perhaps the truest collectible Was my Grandpa's love for sports He loved his Lakers, Dodgers and Raiders But watched any game of sorts

I distinctly remember watching the Lakers 3 peat with my Grandpa in '02 I hadn't seen such joy from him ever But that's when I knew

My Grandpa was sharing not just His love for sports but his passion That seemed to awake in me From within and in a timely fashion

Fast forward to today I lament the days Grandpa would call Randomly but we'd talk about the Raiders And would end with baseball

And the conversations Would always last 45 minutes to an hour Those meant everything to me To relive those I'd give anything in my power

Nanny and Grandpa did so much for us growing up Boasted us with pride never to be hushed They were firm with discipline and Instilled so many values with love and with trust

Nanny and Grandpa were super heroes I loved and adored them to infinity And as time has aged them I love them even deeper from within me

As I will always continue to do so But time, it refrains to be kind Because it takes without asking And starts to affect the mind

And it's not like their memories Were once here but now gone I don't know when they last remembered Or if that time has been too long

But I do need to pay a visit It's been quite some time They live so close So there's no excuse of mine

I need to tell them I appreciate them More now while they are still here Who knows how long we have Because death comes for all I fear

I wish I was more appreciative And less expectant as a kid I need to tell Nanny and Grandpa I'm endlessly thankful for all that they did

I never truly considered what the word Nostalgia could have possibly meant It's the feeling of love and value With all of the time that was spent

It's that picture you see And instantly you arrive At the scene of a memory And instantly you're alive

And in that moment Life comes grinding to a halt You relish in that treasure You had stored in a vault

And part of you is happy And part of you is sad It's melancholy personified But for that you are glad

And this reroutes me Back to my final thoughts As the camera pans out of frame To share what I've brought

It's a shame we don't care more For those who are living Yet only after death Are our thoughts worth giving

We memorialize the dead Instead of when alive And when that becomes too late We're searching through archives

Time spent foraging and collecting Echoes of a forgotten past To create the perfect memorial We hope and believe to last

[cherais]

About Regret

My heart can carry so much, but this particular story is one of the heaviest that it can endure. I'm writing this with the hope that I can let go of some weight off my chest.

It was Saturday morning, early October 2020. I was working on my desk, trying to meet deadlines after deadlines. Being a lawyer, I was no stranger to working overtime. The pandemic has made the working situation better and worse at the same time. My husband and I (both lawyers) worked from home with our tiny baby and a nanny to help us. Working from home was a blessing because we could spend more time together, but the boundaries between work and life blurred. I tried to hold on by reminding myself that working in a top-tier law firm is the dream of many law graduates. It is also very rewarding, intellectually and financially. So I must be grateful, right? Sure.

I was in the middle of narrating my legal advice when suddenly I felt a rhythmic vibration just next to my laptop. It was my phone ringing; a video call from my family group - cousins, uncles, aunts and grandmother, the one from my mother's side. I sighed. Being sleep-deprived and overwhelmed with work, I felt slightly annoyed by this distraction. With the amount of work that needed to be done, there was no time to entertain such a trivial matter. So I just stared at my phone until it stopped ringing. When it did, I wrote a short message for them to read: "Sorry, everyone, I can't join the call! I'm busy with work now." oh, that felt good and bad at the same time.

I could see someone was typing in the group chat; it was my grandmother. I knew she had been sick for several days, probably because of "masuk angin" or some light sickness like a tummy problem. I presumed my cousins and the entire family had arranged a group video call to cheer her up and wish her a speedy recovery. The pandemic made it very difficult for us to visit each other in person, so a video call is the best way to reconnect with each other. Actually, that's very nice... but I was very busy. Maybe next time.

"Oh, so sorry you have to work this weekend honey. I hope we didn't disturb you with the call" grandma said in the group chat.

"No worries grandma! I hope you get well soon!" I replied briefly.

"Yes, darling, let's arrange another video call when you're free".

Oh yes, the following Monday, when all the work is done, I will have some freedom before another work interval. Maybe I should call her on Tuesday or Wednesday? That sounds good.

As I type this, I'm still baffled at how naive I was to think that there is always tomorrow and that tomorrow is guaranteed for me to do the things that I can't do today. Sadly and regrettably, the next video call didn't happen because my grandmother's condition deteriorated rapidly in the following days.

She fell into a coma around ten days later and passed away shortly after that. Her sickness was not only a "masuk angin" or tummy problem; it was COVID-19. She was on a ventilator for the last three days of her life, fighting for oxygen as her saturation gradually decreased due to lung failure. We could only see her through the video call with the kind nurse in the hospital because visiting her in person was impossible. When she passed away, it broke our hearts to pieces when we found out that her funeral must be held in accordance with the COVID-19 protocol. This means we can't attend the funeral in person; only one family representative and the hospital staff with astronaut-like protective suits.

That Saturday morning video call was my last chance to speak to her, which I missed. To make it worse, I was slightly annoyed when my phone rang that morning; oh, how terrible.

Two days after I attended her funeral (virtually), I was sobbing alone in my room. I felt immense regret burning in my chest, thinking how I was always so busy with my life and paid little attention to one of the people I cared about the most that is my grandma. I remember how present she was in every stage of my life. On my birthdays, my wedding day, or even my ordinary days. Her presence was constant, to the point that it was expected every time, and I took that for granted.

That night, while sobbing, I remembered her. How kind and warm she was as a grandmother. How she lived a very humble life - her entire house was just the size of my living room. She ran a small shop (warung) for a living, and whenever I came to visit, I was basically the special guest princess who could eat whatever snacks I wanted for free. This became a very special childhood memory for me.

Despite her soft mannerisms, she was really a tough cookie. Her life was far from wealthy, as the profit she gained from her small warung business could only cover her day-to-day life. No savings or shiny car, not even a decent bed to sleep. Nevertheless, she insisted on refusing any 'excessive' financial help from her children, hence her humble life. I also remembered her endearing, childish (in a cute way) side, like she was very scared of cockroaches and declared them her enemies, or when she was irrationally afraid of falling from the window when she visited my apartment on the 23rd floor.

Then I realised how little attention I had given to her when she was still there. I was so busy with my life, my little family, my bloody work and other mundane chores that I forgot to appreciate her love and presence. Despite that, she still loved me and cherished me. After she passed away, we learned that my grandma's bank account pin was my birthday. This feels so special because I'm not her only grandchild; there are many of us, yet she chose my birthday. Her phone's lock screen and wallpaper were my daughter's pictures, which showed how much she was fond of her great-granddaughter. And then, one time, her comments on Facebook resurfaced. There's this comment from her on my picture where she called me beautiful and said I was "her best friend since I was a baby". How cute for a grandma to think of her grandchild as a best friend?

It breaks my heart that her profound and constant love for this busy grandchild was somehow not reciprocated. I love her—always did and always will—but did I make the utmost effort to show how much I loved her when she was alive?

Now it's too late.

Long story short, all my regrets led me to a very dramatic decision to resign from my lawyer job just six months after her passing. I just couldn't do that anymore. Indeed, the job was financially and intellectually rewarding, but at what cost? The working style made me a different person and cost me one of the most precious moments in my life: speaking to my grandmother for the last time.

At this moment, I also want to write her name: Yetty Supriati. May Allah grant her the best place in Jannah so she can have all the luxury she never got in this world. And may she forgive me for failing to show her enough how much I love her when she was alive.

I love you, eni.

Teh Ais.

[ickaimp]

Hello! Sorry for ask this and reminding you of a series you wrote nearly 5 years ago, but I had recently been rewatching Phineas and Ferb and had stumbled in your sieze the summer series (which is probably my favorite pnf fics I've found). At this point I'm not asking you to continue it because I know that interest changes and you're into rotg now. I was just wondering what you had planned for it, if you did have any? I'll leave my ask as public just in case you wanted to answer privately :D

Glad to hear someone enjoyed the series! Always meant to write more for it, but didn’t getting a lot of feed back on it, and then RotG stole our brain. We had a lot planned. So… Highlights:- Ferb and Phineas end up getting a platypus army as their support unit, like how the Fireside Girls were. There’s also an Echidna, who thinks they’re a Platypus. They’re Ferb’s main assistant. - Phineas is Asexual Extrovert, Ferb is a Pansexual Introvert (inspiration) and at one point goes steady with an alien. - They have multiple bases world wide, in outer space, and the moon. Due to their inventions being stolen one too many times, their main headquarters is Atlantis - off the coast of Danville. It’s accessible through the warehouse via tubes that the tides twist and turn into a unique roller coaster ride every time you go through. Irving is in charge of security.- They have multiple businesses, depending on what they’re doing. The main company is ‘Endless Summer’. - They have amusement parks with ever shifting events, rides, and concerts everywhere they are. Admission is frequently free. One of them is the castle by Grandpa Reginald and Grandma Winnie’s place.- Isabella is their Pepper Potts, she takes care of the running of the company so that they can focus on inventing. Stacy eventually becomes the head of the legal department. - Perry continues to hide his secret agent persona from Phineas and Ferb, but mostly because he thinks it’s funny and he’s secretly a troll.- Doofenshmirtz is a part time substitute teacher. He gets along best with the weird kids and encourages them. - Fred from the future episode is actually Vanessa and Monty’s kid (he looks like a young Roger Doofenshmirtz) Was still trying to figure out how/why Candace eventually adopted him, think it came down to Vanessa being a double agent. -Vanessa is the Johnson kids’ cool Aunt Vanessa and is a large part of their lives.- At some point 20 years down the line have an accident resulting in mixing their dna together and creating twins which aren’t technically clones, royally confused the media, moral groups, and the scientific community. They didn’t care, loved their kids, and platypi are great nannies when it comes to curious toddlers around lasers. (I don’t know, the logistics of this makes me laugh)And they have one limitation they can’t cross. This was originally written for the Spook-Me Ficathon, but we couldn’t quite figure out the beginning or the end. Based off of ‘The Solider and Death’, the idea was that Isabella works with those ‘Make a Wish’ type of things, 2,450 words, mentions of death. 

“Anyway, thanks Phineas.” Isabella watched the redhead collapse against the wall in the hallway, and slide down until he was sitting on the ground, spindly knees sticking up in the air. She’d known that they had been reluctant to come to the hospital, but they’d done it to help Kenny. And the holographic system they’d rigged for the kid to ‘visit’ outer space had been beyond comparison.

“I’m just sorry we couldn’t do more.” Phineas said tiredly, tilting his head back against the wall.

“You did all you could do.” She said soothingly. Seriously, the guys did more than twelve people put together sometimes. She gave a small laugh. “I mean, not even you can stop death.”

Phineas flinched.

Isabella stared. That wasn’t a normal flinch, that was a ‘Phineas is guilty of something and bad at hiding it’ flinch.

Her question died as Ferb stepped out of the ward, Phineas automatically turning to face his brother with an expression she couldn’t quite pin down. Guilt and relief, mostly.

“Never.” Ferb said with a tone that was both firm and profoundly sad at the same time as he approached them, pocket watch in his hand. “Ask that of us again.”

With that, he sat down on the floor next to Phineas, taking his brother’s hand in his, their fingers twined together as if they were anchoring each other against an incoming storm.

“But…” Isabella glanced between them and the room they had just left. Phineas had seemed so cheerful, excited to share the galaxy with the kid. Ferb didn’t tend to be quite as expressive, but he hadn’t seemed put out to be there either.

“Three.” Phineas said softly, looking at the pocket watch in Ferb’s hand. “Two… One… Zero.”

They lapsed into silence, staring resolutely at the floor. “Wha-” Isabella started to say, when from down the hall she heard an alarm go off. Code blue was called and people started to run in the direction of the room they’d just left. Someone began wailing in the background.

Kenny was dead.

She turned and stared at them with wide eyes. Her friends had pulled off some amazing marvels in their time, but to be able to predict the moment of a child’s death-?

“You knew when he was going to die.” She whispered, the realisation sinking in.

“Yeah.” Phineas agreed softly, his eyes half-lidded and shadowy.

“But… If you knew, why didn’t you do something?” Isabella asked. Time after time, she’d seen them do impossible things, pulling miracles out of thin air at the last second. And yet they’d played with the boy instead of even attempting to save his life. “You guys! You guys can do anything together! Why didn’t you-”

“We CAN’T!” Phineas snapped, his voice cracking as he turned and glared at her. “You think… You think we like knowing that we could probably be able to do something and not being allowed to? You think it’s easy to just… what? Sit here and do nothing? I, We hate it! But we can’t!”

“Why. Not?!” She demanded. All those outings, all that time that Kenny could have had. The years his parents, that she, could have spent with him. Gone. He was never going to grow up, ever actually go into outer space, never even date or have his first kiss. All that, gone.

Phineas glared down at the floor, a stubborn look on his face. Ferb turned towards his brother, squeezing Phineas’ hand. Phineas sighed, tilting sideways until he was leaning against Ferb, his head resting on Ferb’s broad shoulder.

“Remember when we 16 and Grandpa Reginald passed away?” Phineas asked, looking away from her, his eyes half-lidded again. “Ferb and I built a box that could hold anything. And we caught Death, and put Death in the box.”

“You… caught Death?” Isabella echoed, feeling like it was the start to a bad joke.

“Well, the metaphysical manifestation of Death anyway.” Phineas clarified with a small half-shrug of one shoulder. “Same thing, really. With Death trapped in the box, nothing could die. And Grandpa Reg wouldn’t die.”

He trailed off, his eyes drifting shut. Ferb merely rested his head on Phineas’, offering silent comfort. Isabella remembered Ferb had been close to his grandfather, the only other grandparent who shared Ferb’s dare-devilish ways, his need for constant physical challenges.

“Grandma Winifred figured out what was going on and made us release Death from the box.” Phineas continued. “Not dying hurt Grandpa Reg more than the thought of leaving, his body ached and he was ready for the next adventure. But you can’t trap a metaphysical manifestation of a major cosmic force and expect to escape unscathed.”

Ferb pulled out the crystal glass he’d been holding earlier up for her to see. “We made a deal, and got this glass in exchange for the box.” Phineas lifted his head to look up at her. “We look through the glass when it’s full of water. If Death is at the foot of the person, we can do something. If Death is at their head, Death wants a new friend, and all we can do is ease their way. I never see it, but sometimes Ferb gets a glimpse of Death’s timer and we know how long they have.”

“-Like today.” Isabella murmured, remembering Ferb setting the timer after looking through the strange glass.

Phineas nodded. “If we break the deal, Death takes one of us away.” Their fingers clenched tight around each other, as if afraid the other would be torn from their grasp. “And never comes for the other. We’d never see each other again. Ever.”

Isabella had read enough Greek Mythology to know that ‘Eternal Life’ didn’t mean 'Eternal Youth’. Their body growing frailer and frailer, yet never being able to pass on.

But to have one brother left without the other, that would be an endless Hell on Earth.

“If we don’t, when Death comes for us, we go together.” Phineas turned and faced Ferb with a slight smile. “Neither is left behind.”

Ferb smiled back, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. For all the simplicity, it was a personal, intimate gesture.

The strength of their bond sometimes frightened Isabella, even as she craved it. She sometimes wished she had that she could have that sort of connection with someone, that closeness. But to be that much a part of someone, and have someone so a part of herself, it was a daunting prospect. It seemed like she’d lose a lot of who she was in the process and she wasn’t sure she was willing to give that up yet.

Their story seemed a little bit too fantastical too, like it was some sort of fairy tale or mythology. They’d done some pretty amazing things together, but trapping Death? That was stretching the limits, and she’d ridden in a space ship before.

Ferb made some sort of gesture and Phineas nodded, the two of them pulling their heads back. “Good idea, Ferb.”

“What?” She asked. Ferb held the crystal glass out to her.

“Fill the glass with water, any water will do, then stand the foot of someone’s bed and look.” Phineas instructed. “Then tell us what you see. We’ll be right here. Remember, head of the bed and foot of the bed.”

“I… Okay.” Isabella nodded. It couldn’t hurt to verify. She took the glass and with a small nod, walked down the hall to a side corridor where she knew a drinking fountain was, filling the glass with water. It sparkled prettily in the lights, throwing off rainbows, much like a diamond would. With a small smile, she walked back the other way, to a quiet wing she knew the critical patients were in.

Knowing that the nurses would probably want to know why she was there, she stopped at the foot of the first bed she saw, an elderly man with paper fine skin. She lifted the glass, peering through it.

At first, she saw nothing. Then she noticed a kind of shadow next to the bed, and shifted so she could look there.

Through the glass, she could see a pale thin woman with a head of hair that looked like messily spilt ink, dressed in a black tanktop and jeans sitting next to the man, watching him with a small smile on her face. The oddest things about the woman was a little spiral under one of her eyes, a large silver ankh necklace, and an umbrella in her hand. Isabella shook her head and moved her head to look at the spot without the glass.

Nothing.

She looked through the glass again. Even with all the black, the woman looked nice, like a friendly neighbour, or long forgotten friend. The woman seemed to notice Isabella and raised a hand, placing her finger in front of her lips in a gesture for silence. Isabella nodded and the woman winked before turning her attention back to the man, who seemed to be turning his head towards the woman, reaching one weak hand towards her.

Isabella lowered the glass and quickly walked away.

When she found Phineas and Ferb, they were leaning against each other, Phineas’ head tucked under Ferb’s chin, Phineas whispering softly and Ferb responding in his strange silent way. They pulled away when they saw her coming, their hands still locked together between them.

“Death is a woman.” Isabella reported, handing Ferb the glass.

“Sometimes.” Phineas agreed as Ferb made the glass disappear into a pocket, water and all. “Sometimes he’s a huge skeleton with booming voice and a white horse named 'Binky’. Other times, he’s an annoyed skeleton with a Jamaican accent. A few times, he’s looked kind of like a child wrapped in black. Death’s kind of a personal thing, it’s different for everybody.”

“Oh.” Isabella leaned against the wall, pressing a hand to her chest. She had just seen Death. And lived.

Phineas gave a small chuckle at her reaction, lifting his free hand and wrapping it around the wrist of the her arm closest to him. She turned her wrist, capturing his hand and holding on, their hands pressed palm to palm. His hand was warm and dry and she could feel his heartbeat against her skin.

“It seemed like the most amazing thing when we first got the glass.” Phineas said, his voice hushed. “We’d sneak into the hospital and check everyone we could. The ones Death wasn’t coming for yet, we did what we could. Those that we couldn’t… Well, this isn’t the first time we’ve set up the holographic projectors in a hospital.”

“The problem was when other people got an inkling as to what we were doing.” Phineas’ expression turned hunted. “And the shouting started, why would we save some people, but not others? Parents, siblings, close friends would offer their lives in exchange for a loved ones and there was nothing we could do. And we tried to explain it, but no one would listen.”

“Even worse was when they put our appearance together with someone dying, and started accusing us of killing people.” Phineas’ tone turned annoyed, the words picking up speed as he got more agitated about it.. “Like it was our fault that someone died when all we were trying to do was make them happy, even if it was just for a little while! People who were lonely, or scared, and even if we could help them, suddenly we weren’t allowed to do so and-”

“Oh, Phineas…” Isabella stopped him, kneeling down and putting a hand on his shoulder. He cut off with a hiccup, his face twisted up with emotion. She pulled him towards her, tucking her shoulder under his chin, then reaching out and doing the same to Ferb. Just because it didn’t show on the quiet man’s face, didn’t mean he didn’t feel it. “Ferb. I’m so sorry.” She whispered.

“Not your fault.” Phineas murmured back. Except it kind of was, she was the one to ask him here again, re-opening old wounds. The one who had started accusing of not caring enough, to save Kenny instead of making his last memories happy ones.

“The hard part is that we really can do anything.” Phineas whispered. “We’ve come up with thousands of cures, everything from the common cold to cancer, but we don’t know if that would inadvertently break the deal.” And Death would come for one of them.

“Is that why you won’t do anything with the bio-sciences?” She asked, pulling away to give them some space.

“Partly.” Phineas agreed. “That and we’re afraid someone would turn them into bio-weapons. Or limit the cures, which amounts to the same thing. Prosthetics have the same problem. Too simple, it doesn’t look right, too much and it’s the basis for super-powered exo-armour.”

She nodded. They’d had a problem a while back, someone attempting to break into the warehouse to steal blueprints for the Beak’s armour.

Balancing was the hardest part of her job. Not enough help and nothing changed. Too much assistance and it was like being a bully, forcing them to take it. People had to want the help, to accept and use it for it to actually work.

“Anyway.” Phineas leaned back against the wall, Ferb following. “We hid the glass away in our room for a while, I think it held change-” Ferb raised an eyebrow and Phineas nodded, accepting the correction as if it had been spoken out-loud. “Right, miscellaneous bolts and screws. We found it when we moved into the warehouse, but haven’t pulled it out for use until now.”

Because she’d asked them to come, to save Kenny if they could.

People always felt helpless in the face of Death, but how much worse would it be, to know that you had the ability to change things, but couldn’t without risking the person closest to you? How often had they broken their hearts over it? Because Phineas was incapable of not caring, and Ferb was right there with him.

“We can do anything, build anything, but there are some lines that we can’t cross.” Phineas murmured. “Even if we want to.”

Isabella nodded. “I’ll take care of anything else like this in the future.” She promised, making a few mental notes. Best to remove the temptation entirely.

Ferb had a silent communication with Phineas for a moment. “We don’t have any problems with the holographic projections being used to grant wishes like this.” Phineas said, obviously echoing Ferb’s thoughts. “Install them in every children’s hospital you want. Even bringing kids to the warehouse to build with us for a day is fine. Just no more hospitals.”

“Okay.” Isabella nodded. They could do that.They could do almost anything. It was going to take a while to wrap her brain around the idea that there was something they couldn’t do. “Thanks.” Phineas said, tilting his head back, resting it against the wall, the sounds of the hospital suddenly seeming to rush back in. Isabella moved to stand over them and guard them until they were ready to move. —-(Deaths mentioned are from Sandman, Diskworld, and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, it being personal is from Beetlejuice, and Kenny is from South Park )  

[villainsrph]

hi everyone ! couple little updates, as usual!

as of yesterday, my seasonal IRL gig is done for the year ! I'm excited to be back here full time for a bit, before starting to seek out a winter IRL gig! once I know more about that, I'll give an update on how/if it'll affect coms!

that being said, more templates will be on the way ! now that I have more time, my goal is to do at least one a week!

I'm excited to get caught up, however I am still a tad bit slow! tl;dr my trackpad on my work computer died, so I'm now solely using a mouse. I'm essentially relearning eight years of PS muscle memory when it comes to my hands, and it's been harder than I expected. so I apologize if I'm still a bit slow on turn-around!

thank you guys for all the love the last few weeks! I say it every time, but I appreciate y'all! ♡