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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

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Idk if I’m late for all the angst but I really hope not because I have an idea, one day Kai and his S/O get into a really REALLY bad fight to the point where she disappears for a while and Kai has no idea where they went and then a few days or weeks later Kai has a meeting with the lov where he finds his S/O cuddling/kissing Dabi and you can choose if it was because Dabi was there for her when Kai wasn’t and she fell for him or because of a quirk and the lov’s plan to hurt Kai angst or fluff end

Oh boi and we start the day with angst material

"Why can't you just listen to me once?!" You asked in exasperation as he cleaned the bullet nonchalantly, not even sparing you a look. "Look at yourself Kai! Ever since you created this market of bullets you grow distant! Thsi is not how thsi is suppose to work!"

He gave you a look, cold and avoid of any emotions before he sighed and placed the handkerchief and the bullet down on his desk to lift up.

"Do you have a plan?" He asked blantly and suddenly, eyes filled with boredoom as he stared down at you.

"Wha-"

"You have a plan to keep the yakusa working? You have any idea how to work even on these things? The answer is no (Y/n). You don't. So stop trying to make yourself smarter or to pretend you know of these things better than me."

You huffed and and pointed at the outside, aiming at least on the direction where the elder rested on a room with a breathing machine to keep him living.

"The man who took you in would be dissapointed with you right now, you know that?! I knew that he wanted the Shie Hassaikai out of the business of drugs and had at least good morals! Ever since he got into a coma you seemed to grab those things and throw out of the fucking window!" You exclaimed and soon took a step back at sieng how Chisaki's eyes darkened and his body that was once calm and collected tensed in anger as some hives started to appear in one side of his face.

"Who are you to say something about this on the first place?" He started to take slow footsteps closer to you as you distance yourself, for safety measures.

"Y-your... y-"

"The answer is nothing. No one in this fucking planet (Y/n). You are no one to say that." You hitted the back of your head in the wall and looked up at him, furrowed eyebrows but still a hint of hear and hurt on your face "You just so happen to be one to enter because of your affiliations with me. Asides from that, you got nothing to do with the yakusa." He towered over you and his disgusted gaze burned painfully you just as much as his words did.

"You are nothing." He hissed and punched with his right gloved hand the wall, just beside your face as his eyes returned back to normal, only looking at you like you were some type of verm or spoiled childish. "And you have no rights on acting smarter than me on this situation."

You looked at him in both disbelief and hurt, tears threatening to slip from your eyes after his speech before you gritted your teeth and shoved his arm that was caging you into a wall for you to storm out of the room.

"The if I'm nothing, then I guess you wouldn't even I died, or better yet! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT NOTHING THAN YOUR OWN SELF!" You shouted, tears falling into the ground as you slammed the door and stormed out of there.

Chisaki scoffed and started to rub on the places where the hives were appearing, getting more irritated at his kind re playing the scene that just happened.

He sitted on his chair and tried to focus back on his previous activities. Thinking that at least now he was going to have some peace and that soon you would grow tired of that tantrum you just threw.

God if he knew how wrong he was...

You didn't returned on the next day. Gave him no signs that you were even alive, neither contacted no one from the Shie Hassaikai to explain the situation at least.

It had happened once, and the person you had contacted was Pops. Knowing that the elder wouldn't bust where you were staying unlikely Chrono, Mimic or any other precept would. Now that Pops was... resting, he couldn't even have a hint on where you were.

He walked around on his office, brushing his hair out of his forehead before he turned don abruptly when chrono entered his office and started to take off his mask.

"Did you find her?"

The man frowned and shook his head, cringing a bit when Chisaki let out a shaky sigh as he scratched a bit his cheek.

"I'm sorry Overhaul. We searched for everywhere around the area, but no signs of (Y/n) or any person who could gave us a information about where they went."

"Search again. All of the city, hell, even all the Japan if its necessary." He slammed his hands on his desk as he let out a desperate sigh "No one will rest until I know that she is okay and back here, safe and sound." Chrono nodded with a 'yes sir' and put his mask back on before leaving the room. Leaving Chisaki again alone with his grief.

He let out a shout threw his desk on the wall, slamming and breaking as he sitted down on his chair. Elbows rested on his knees as he layed his face on one of his gloved hands.

"... what have I done..?"

The searches were almost becoming useless after three or four days, and his humor worsened badly at your absence. Every one could tell that.

He was becoming more and more radical than he was already, his usual stoic and avoid of emotions more present than ever. The more you could see of him was a hint of desperation when they gave him the news that again, you were not found, neither a hint of your existence on anywhere.

The car and the filthy thief's burned in front of him, Chrono already had the money as he stared nonchantly at the scene before he grabbed the phone on his pocket with a sigh. Checking for any information, but seemed like Hoyo and Tengai weren't sucefull eithers as he checked his phone.

A man aproached and soon all of the man accompanying him got into position of attack as he stared numbly at the masked man waving both of his hand.

"Woah woah hold it! I'm no harm! Fight me I can beat all of you if I want!"

"What the fuck is this now?" Rappa muttered as Chrono didn't even moved, gun still aimed at the middle of his forehead.

"I'm actually here since I can see you guys are everthing but heroes! Heroes suck, I like you!"

"What do you want? Spill it out." Kurono hissed as the masked man calmed himself down a bit.

"I actually have an offer to do, only if you guys want of course. Join us! We are the League of Villains and always welcoming new members!"

Every stayed quiet before the mans looked slowly at Overhaul, his monotonous gaze still present as the fire dance behind him.

"An offer you say?" He muttered on a disinterest tone, but clearly noticing a good chance of gaining something for his plan.

He entered for the second time on what was suppose to be a building after following the man who he came to know that the name was Twice, at least the villain name. His original one it didn't matter for him.

He coughed at the sign of how dirty that place was, feeling like he could get sick at any second that passed.

He started to talk with the leader of this minor yet famous gang of street villains. Until a door was opened and a scarred man appeared, rubbing the back of his neck uncaringly as Shigaraki glared at him through his hand like mask.

"I hope you useless scum have some good excuse to be late."

"I would give you if I actually cared on the first place. Give a break mop head." He sighed as he stopped on the door, like he was waiting for someone.

Chisaki arches an eyebrow at this. Not only Shigaraki had lost valuable subbordinates, but he couldn't even control them. What a joke.

Although his eyes shot wide open at the person who came after the raven haired villain, even holding his hand with a smile that brought him joy for so long now.

"(Y/N)!!!!" The blonde brat gleamed as Spinner shouted that you had entered, you merely giving them a smile back before following Dabi and sitting right on his lap.

"I take that you two young souls were enjoying some free time."

"You talk like you're an old man Compress." You commented and Dabi snickered in your hair, his wicked smile hidded underneath your hair. You giggled at the sensation before giving the man a sweet kiss on the burnt part of his face.

Although even the league got shocked when Overhaul aproached and finally got your attention away from Dabi.

"Where the FUCK were you?" He almost shouted as his eyes burned holes on Dabi. Golden eyes never were so filled with that many of emotions he was at that moment.

You got up along with Dabi as the man jumped to be talking almost front to front with Chisaki. You following right after and being by his side.

"Man you dont even know us and are already throwing trash?" Dabi said uncaringly as you stared back at Chisaki with a stoic and avoid of any emotions asides from disgust from him.

"(Y/n). Where the fuck were you? You simply disappeared and just-" he pointed at Dabi with his palm, not even glancing away from you "Just kissed a random man right in front of me no less? What has gotten into you?!"

"Why would you care?" You said hushed, but he still caught the hurt in your voice "I am nothing to you..."

"Is not what I meant on the slightest." He started to feel his breath become shorter out of no where as both the commurates of the league and his own watched. "I was stressed and when you commented on Pops I losed it, but I know that's not an excuse for my behaviour, I know. I'm-"

"Is late to be regretful now. I know you aren't anyway." You said in pure sadness as you made yourself smaller to hold onto Dabi's right arm "You don't even know me... Dabi was there for me when you weren't... and I heard you think of me way worse than that."

"The hell do you mean? (Y/n), I am deeply regretful of the lies I said to you, and-"

"You don't think of me as a partner." You said bitterly "You only took me for a plaything, a mere object for you collection. They've told me everything."

"And you believed them?!" He shouted in almost disbelief as Shigarali and Tova wicked smile grew mkre at the time who passed.

"I know you arent the type of losing." Dabi commented with a smirk "But sometimes taking defeat is better to kept prying over something you losed for once and all."

"Shut your mouth." Chisaki hissed and returned to look at you "(Y/n) I never once thought of that, please believe on my words.".

"... the only person I believe on is Dabi, there is nothing you can change my mind about it..." you said numbly as Kai started to grow desperate, but miraculously not losing his posture.

(Aaaa I cant write full angst I'm sorry I need to at least ease up a bit T-T)

Although when he squinted his eyes a bit he saw that the color of your eyes had changed drastically. They weren't the ones he was so used of, they were the same briliant turquoise color of Dabi.

"What happened with your eyes?" He asked in disgust as you still looked at the ground.

"My eyes are just fine. Now if you excuse me..." you turned around and gave a sweet smile to the dark haired man "So my handsome capoo? You finished work?"

Chisaki arched an eyebrow at that. The only person you would ever call like that was him, and what work did that man..?

"Just stay quiet for now." Shigaraki mumbled and gave Toga a sign as she poked a green talisman and soon you stopped talking.

"ARE YoU FuCkInG KiDdIng Me?!" Everyone flinched at the shout Mimic let out as Kai stared at him along with Hari with a 'wtf?' Expression "Boss. That fucking talisman controls ficking minds ANd MeSsEs Up WiTh YoUR MinD To ThInk ThAT A pUnk ChAnGe ThE BouNDs Of KnOwinG sOmeOne ElSe! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT SHIT FOR YEARS MOTHERFUCKER HOW DID YOU GOT YOUR HAND ON IT PUNK?!"

He arched an eyebrow at that. So they brainwashed you? Hiis eyes darkened at that and he soon shouted for Kurono to take the object form teh girl's hand as he yanked you out of Dabi's arms.

"LET GO OF ME YOU-"

Kurono grabbed the talisman and threw at Chizaki who glared daggers at the object as you squirmed and even bitted him to set you free. He lifted his arm up abruptly out of the sudden glaring right at Shigaraki's eyes who had his hands clenched into fists and trembling from rage.

"WAiT BoSS DoN't FuCkinG-" he threw at the ground with force and even dared to step on it, not even thinking about using his quirk at the time due to his rage consuming more his kind than the knowledge "Break it..." mimic mumbled the last sentence.

You blinked and soon stopped your movements as your face contorned back to confusion and even fear as you stared around you.

"W-What the?! What?!" You exclaimed before Chisaki cupped your face to inspect your eyes, the normal color of them had returned and he even smiled in relief.

"There you are." He said too gently, even making you confused and even to take his hands out of your face with an arched eyebrow, still with the memory of the fight you two had.

"Controlling other people's mind. Classic." Kurono mumbled as he returned back to his own gang as Overhaul glared at everyone on there.

"We will talk later, as soon as the things calm down between us. We still own you an arm... but after that I guess neither that anymore."

He left with the motion for you to follow him, which you hesitantly obliged as you heared some of that gang cursing Chisaki on your way out.

The ride home was quiet. The atmosphere being so tense and thing that it could be breaked at any moment.

Although the moment you stepped out of the car you felt Chisaki grabbing your hand and pushing you gently along with him to his office, closing the door just when both of you were in.

You rubbed your arm while looking at everywhere than his face, a frow present always on your face as he sighed.

"I take that you are still mad, and with reason." You said nothing but soon gasped when Chisaki hugged you close. This man was your Kai? For real??

"Uh..." you said as he squeezed you tighter and buried his face on the crook of your neck .

"I know that this is the last thing I deserved it... but I was so worried that I had lost you for real... my light on the darkness, my angel, my everthing.... I almost losed you... I was terrified." He said breathless the late sentence as your eyes grew wide before daring to pat his head a bit, feeling his warmth breath on your neck and also that he had blinked two or one tear away as his arms caged you to him.

You sighed, resting your face on his broad shoulders as you continued to carres his back as he made circular motions with his thumbs on your back.

"I'm still hurt and mad though..." you mumbled before Chiskai separated from you to lower his mask to after pick both of your hand on his much bigger and rough covered ones.

"I guarantee you on that my angel." He kissed your knuckles gently before cupping your hands on his own "Even I have fo travel down to hell, I will make it up to you."

"I will hold you on that." And he finally saw that smile, even if it was little, again. Easing his worries for a bit as he started to plan on how he was going to compesate his terrible excuse of behaviour.

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #my writings #zuffer writings

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haikyuuscreaming · 5 years

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FUCK THSI POST AND HAPPY BRITHDAY HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO

im so soft for all of the seijou third years and makki is not an exception. we may have been heavily deprived of makki content but i still love him and yes even though i have 3 wips i am dropping all my shit to write for hanamaki

enjoy this really fast-written but lovingly-written fic :) I LOVE U MAKKI

As soon as Hanamaki wakes up, there’s something obviously off.

He isn’t stupid. He’s always wondered why those people in dollar-cheap romance novels never seem to know what’s up when it’s their birthday. Like, gee, what’s going on? Why is my S/O so sketchy today, on my birthday? Why are all of my friends busy? He’s always wondering maybe they just have garbage self-esteem.

Fortunately for him, you’re a terrible actor.

“Morning, Makki~” Your voice is oddly awake despite Hanamaki having just woken up.

“Morning.” Hanamaki stretches lazily and his arm rests around your head. You’re wearing one of his old jerseys and he thinks it’s fitting for the occasion. “Guess whose special day it is.”

“U-Um, I don’t know.” You sound a little bit nervous although your smile’s still radiant on your face.

(He thinks it’s adorable how excited you are for his birthday.)

“B-But, you should get ready for today!! I do too, actually, so, um, I’m gonna get changed and head out..” Your excitement breaks through your ‘calm’ voice and you practically jump out of bed, kissing his forehead before dashing out. “Sorry, babe!”

“Sorry for what?”

“Um, nothing!”

“Just my luck,” Hanamaki mutters to himself. “It’s raining?”

He walks out of his favorite bakery with a box of cream puffs-- the last box of the bakery, in fact-- and suddenly it’s drizzling rain, an earthy scent flooding the world around him.

He’s a little bit frustrated-- god damn, could they at least warn him? At least so he could bring an umbrella.-- but he pays no mind. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa have all been “busy” with plans (although Matsukawa spammed him with a shit-ton of memes and a ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU ASS <3 FULL HOMO), and you’re obviously doing something either for him or something illegal, so he knows to expect something.

Although he can’t help but shake the paranoid worm in his gut that… maybe everyone is busy? Maybe they really couldn’t spare time for his birthday…

He brushes it off, and walks back home in the rain as he shields his cream puff box.

The rain really does make walking-traffic bad.

Hanamaki was expecting to stroll home in a solid 10 minutes, but he’s stuck in an angry mob of people who are half-drenched like him. He thanks whoever’s up there for giving him a strong immune system, otherwise he’s sure that he’d be sniveling and sneezing on his special day.

He’s trying to guess how much time it’ll take to get home now- five more minutes? Seven? Ten more?- before his phone vibrates so hard in his back-pocket he would’ve thought someone shoved a vibrator back there. There’s most likely no mafia or yakuza here, so Hanamaki takes advantage of the slow-moving crowd and takes out his phone.

There it is: the barrage of texts from you. He knew you would break down eventually, asking if he’d come home soon, but he wasn’t expecting pages and pages of texts.

the fiona to my shrek:

hiro hiro are u ignoring me bc that isnt nice HIROOOO HIROOOOOO helloooooo where tf are u likeeee not tryna be sus or anything but i need u home preferably in like ten minutes no im not horny unless u want me to be 😏🤪🤪 pleaseee u asshat whyd u turn off ur location please answer? are you mad at me :( is it abt this morning? i didnt mean to brush u off i swear i didnt forget abt ur birthday and im like not planning anything or something ok please come home? ily <3 hiro Makki. hanamaki hanamaki takahiro loser baby the shadow to my sonic please respond and come home? :( youre my shrek 5 trailer OKAY BITCH FINE im sorry ur not a bitch love u mwah i mean maybe you are a bitch? but i still love u mwah mwah mwah are u even reading this i stg ill be so embarrassed if ur just busy or sum COME HOMEEEE ok bye :)

He really does think it’s adorable how much you care about this.

Rolling his eyes, he taps out a quick response:

“yea omw home” “oh, a surprise you say? ill be home soon”

He slips it into his pocket even though he feels the vibrations of the twenty or so texts that you rapid-fire send to him, most likely defending the fact that you’re definitely, absolutely not planning any shit for his ass, but he smiles to himself anyway.

He doesn’t even mind the fact he’s getting soaked in the rain. He’s excited to see what you’ve been planning.

“Home,” Hanamaki yells out. “Where are you, you big stinker?”

There isn’t an answer, which Hanamaki supposes is a little bit cliché but he doesn’t mind that much. His shared apartment with you is dark and he has to flicker on some lights through the house before he hears the faint illusion of hurried whispers. He barely makes out a voice to be yours.

“Oh! He’s here!”

“No shit he’s here. Who else comes in and yells he’s home?”

“I dunno Mattsun~ Maybe [Name]-chan has someone on the side?”

“Shut the fuck up, all of you.”

“Thank you, Hajime!”

“Shut up oh my god I think he’s listening to us.”

“Shhh!”

Hanamaki hears a dull clatter from the other room and he hides behind the wall, content with listening for a little bit longer.

“Oikawa you fucking dolt! You knocked over the forks!”

“Sorry, [Name]-chan!”

“Just pick it up already.”

“I don’t mean to burst your bubbles but I’m pretty sure he’s literally just vibing in the other room, listening to us.”

Hanamaki decides to make you all happy and takes a step. He’s kind of delighted in the way you all immediately shut up, save for your hissed quiet!, and he takes another step. Eventually he can’t take it and casually walks into the room.

It’s dark and he can’t really adjust to everything, and he’s about to say something slightly funny before the entire room illuminates and he sees his former third-year team and girlfriend yell, “Happy birthday Makki!!!!”

Makki knows that he was expecting some sort of surprise. Ever since that morning he woke up and saw you and your oddly adorable, alert face, he knew that something like this was going to happen. But still, it took just a few more seconds to register.

There was a cutely handmade banner that read Happy Birthday Makki in big, teal letters, and there were balloons strewn around the room that he knew would eventually be victims of balloon volleyball. On the table that you were all surrounding was a good, small pile of gifts and a tower of cream puffs. Not a cake, but a giant fucking tower of cream puffs.

Oh, so that’s where all the bakery’s cream puffs went.

“Oh god. You stupid idiots.” Hanamaki realizes his voice has gotten a little hoarse with sentiment, and he clears his voice and naturally, his lazy smile comes back. “I’m honored that you buffoons really planned this out for me. Clown party!”

“Be grateful, you big dummy!” You practically throw yourself onto him, and he finds himself latching onto you too. “I love you so much, Makki, happy birthday!!”

Hanamaki smiles and as if on cue, you lift up your head and smile back. He feels his heart beat a little bit faster and he remembers why he’s been loving his birthdays ever since he met you.

“Guess I love you too.”

#hanamaki takahiro #hanamaki takahiro x reader #hanamaki takahiro scenarios #takahiro hanamaki #takahiro hanamaki x reader #takahiro hanamaki scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader scenarios #hq x reader #hq x reader scenarios #IM SO SOFT FOR HIM #i love hanamaki takahiro #stan all seijou third years!#i love him :)

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lizzieraindrops · 5 years

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Your chance to make the sun rise thrice (Chapter 2)

a river that still runs (8803 words)

Beth Childs has come to Helsinki to meet her best friend Veera for the first time in the Herbs on the windowsill universe, an alternate timeline where the original Helsinki massacre was prevented and DYAD routed by Clone Club Alpha’s successful publicity stunt back in 2001. Veera Suominen and Niki Lintula survived and decided to live in a little apartment together as qpp’s. Numerous Leda clones worldwide are now in contact via a secure online network that Veera maintains.

Note: This chapter is a bit heavier than the rest of the AU. Beth is still struggling with a lot of the same challenges in this universe, even if the events causing them are somewhat different because of such early canon divergence. But the whole point of this story is that things can end up okay no matter how rough it's been. She's getting the help she needs and she's gonna be alright. That said, warning for soft discussion of past abuse, the effects of trauma, depression and anxiety, and some suicidal ideation. And of course, lots of love and learning how to heal, with support from her best friend.

Fun fact: Veera's username is 3mika, and she always sets her font to the precise warm turquoise of hex color #2299aa. She thinks she's hilarious, and she's right.

Also on AO3 | Playlist | Aesthetic sideblog

Part 1: Herbs on the windowsill

Part 2: Someday colors

Part 3: Your chance to make the sun rise thrice | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

***

Beth wakes on a squashy couch that isn't hers. Morning-soft sunlight pours through the window above her, bouncing back off the walls to fill even the shady corners with a warm secondhand glow. Her limbs are soft, splayed under unfamiliar blankets and sinking into the cushions. She doesn't move yet.

The apartment. Helsinki. Beth's really here. She holds herself still, letting the truth sink into her. She half expects the usual anxious tension to clench her into a ball the instant she moves a muscle, but it isn't there. Neither is the invisible weight that so often pins her immobile. She still wakes frequently with both of them holding her body hostage, keeping her muscles unmoving but restless, even in sleep. Right now though, they're gone. She just lies there, soft beneath the window.

It's quiet but not silent. The occasional car on the little road outside chuckles as it passes. A soft rush of water echoes through pipes in the walls, running toward an early riser in another unit. These sounds fall strangely on Beth's Toronto-bred ears, isolated in the stillness of this of this little apartment on the outskirts of the city. Still, the early-morning atmosphere settles comfortably into her jet-lagged bones, murmuring a rhythm for her to sink into. The temporal upheaval of a transcontinental red-eye and a series of exhausted naps yesterday have left her a little unbalanced. And yet, here she is waking up with the day, and the ground under her feels so much more stable than she’s used to.

Beth breaks her stillness with a deep, deep breath that she can feel expanding all the way down to her feet. She stretches, too, but soon pulls the toes that get exposed back underneath the warm, scratchy blanket. The cushions of the old couch creak a little in complaint as she shifts, but her limbs remain supple. For a time, she just observes the sensations. Then, her awareness spreads beyond the couch and the window to the rest of the room.

All around her, an oddly blocky pattern covers the walls. It's one of the first things she noticed when she walked into the apartment yesterday afternoon. The pattern isn't wallpaper like it appears at first glance, but actually a multitude of small photographs. Most of them are unframed, but taped up in crisply aligned rows. In them, she sees the same face infused with a hundred different lives. Just above her, a sleeping, slack-jawed redhead with bulky headphones around her neck sprawls on the very same couch Beth's laying on now. A few rows down, a brunette and a blonde with their long hair in matching wild waves are leaning all over each other and grinning like devils. One of the few framed photos shows a girl with a hospital-short buzz cut and a delighted expression, sitting in front of what looks like a mouthwatering strawberry shortcake. Beth can see at least six others in the background behind strawberry girl. Among them are Mika with her unmistakable scars and Niki with her bright blonde hair, their arms around each other's shoulders.

Morning light glances off the glossy surfaces of the photos on the west wall. The particularly bright reflection off one of the framed photos draws Beth's eye. With a tiny jolt, Beth recognizes one of her own selfies beneath the glass. In it, she's wearing the same old turquoise blue sweatshirt that's spilling out of her suitcase next to the couch right now. Underneath it, she's wearing her track gear, so the photo is at least two years old. She'd had to quit cross-country so she could try to get the shitshow her life had become under control. She vaguely recalls sending it to Mika a long time ago. It's strange to think that her presence has been in this apartment for so long.

She's here. In Finland. Staying with Mika – Mika - and Niki. Far, far away from everything.

Sprawling on the couch she slept on with a sigh as if she hadn’t a care in the world, Beth can't believe she's really gone and done it. She's run so far away that there's an ocean between her and her problems. It’s so much better than she's dreamed, even if it's only for a little while. It’s worth it, even though she'll be going back far too soon. For the first time in years, it feels like she’s where she’s supposed to be right now.

It had all started out as foolish idea she'd floated one Saturday morning, months ago. She hadn't been serious at all. She'd woken up so relieved at not having to get up and go to work, until she remembered her weekly therapy appointment with a hopeless groan.

Putting off the genuinely daunting prospect of hauling herself out of bed, she reached out to snag her phone from on top of her dresser, checking to see if she'd heard from Mika overnight. After all, Helsinki was nine hours ahead, so Mika had already seen most of the day that was just beginning for Beth. They talked so often these days, since they'd first made contact over two years ago. Rarely a day passed without touching base. But there wasn’t anything since Beth had checked last night. She took it upon herself to send the first message of the day.

runwaterblue: god, i dont wanna get up and deal with any of thsi shit today

After her world fell apart, after finding out about Project Leda, after realizing that all her nightmares and more were real, after her father...

runwaterblue: wish i could come visit u and get away form everything for awhile

Mika replied almost immediately.

3mika: you can

It was evening in her time zone, but to be honest, Beth had no idea if she had anything resembling a regular sleep schedule. The girl was always online.

3mika: though you really should go to your appointment. you always feel better afterward

runwaterblue: howd you know i have therapy today

3mika: you always have an appointment saturday afternoons

runwaterblue: yes but how do you remember that? i cant evne remember my own appts lmao

3mika: you mentioned it months ago when you switched from sundays to saturdays

Beth shook her head with a smile. Mika was so good with details.

3mika: anyway. you’re welcome here, if you can get here

3mika: it would be great to see you

3mika: Niki wouldn't mind. we've had a bunch of Ledas visit us here, it's always fun

3mika: except that one time Dani and Ary got into a fight over football. some French-Italian team rivalry thing. that was not fun.

Beth laughed. It was funny how Mika was so good at making her do that, even on days like these. She leaned back against her pillow and held her phone over her head without sitting up, being careful not to drop it on her own face. She'd done that before. More times than she'd admit.

runwaterblue: i was kidding. id love to visit, but idk how id get there

runwaterblue: u should see the americans go off abt their football lmao. they're nerly as bad as the hockey freaks here

3mika: pls no

3mika: no more sports. it was a year ago and I’m still exhausted

3mika: sports are banned in this apartment.

Beth snorted. Mika wanted nothing to do with sports of any kind, and with Beth's athletic record, the topic had become a point of mutual teasing between them.

In so many ways, they were such different people, DNA be damned. Mika was reticent where Beth was outgoing. (Or at least, Beth had been. She was never quite sure how to think of herself these days.) Clone drama aside, Beth had been a pretty average Canadian high schooler. She got reasonable grades, played a few sports, and kept mostly out of trouble because there would be hell to pay if she didn’t. Mika was a brilliant homeschooled autistic orphan who had been raised in near isolation by her guardian after surviving the hospital fire that marked her skin for life. Beth mostly listened to pop music, and where no one else could hear, the occasional classical symphony. Mika held fast to Finland's weird obsession with death metal and dabbled in literally everything else.

And yet, Mika understands Beth like no one else does. And it's not just because they've both been through all this Project Leda bullshit. Though Beth doesn't know what she would have done without Mika to help her through that, too.

Beth won't ever be able to forget the moment that everything changed. Recognizing a her own face from the mirror on the evening news stopped her in her tracks, as something in her gut caved in with the hollow certainty that it wasn't her. Then face after face flickered before her, a flipbook barrage of déja vu. Blonde and smiling. Scarred and pensive. Braids and piercings and a rakish grin. Beth was rooted in place as people she had never been wearing things she had never worn said things she was never supposed to know.

That utter strangeness on the screen immediately seeped into her life like an oil slick into a river, tainting every thing she thought she knew with clinging uncertainty. Her father was inexplicably even more upset about it than Beth was, yet adamant that they shouldn't look into the matter. But it was already too late to stop herself from thinking. With slow horror, the truth of what exactly his behavior must mean dawned on her. And yet, even with the desperate growing certainty about who her Leda monitor must be, it was hard to believe that he could be anything other than her plain stern father.

He was always a bit strict and overprotective - probably well more than a bit, she realizes these days. But she’d thought that's just what it was like to be a cop's daughter. He'd never done anything really extreme, nothing beyond the firm discipline any kid could expect. He was just not a man to be trifled with, that was all. So until everything she thought she knew shifted that day and threatened to topple every assumption she’d built her life on, she had never truly dared to cross him.

Outright daring him to say to her face that he wasn't her monitor was probably considered a step beyond trifling. He did not take it kindly.

Two months later, Beth and her mother were living in an apartment on the opposite side of the city. It took two months for the two of them to lay plans to leave together, for good. For two months, her every move was watched. She spent two months knowing there would be hell to pay if she didn't give the performance of a lifetime pretending everything was fine, even while sirens blared inside her day and night. Two months was more than enough to teach her things she never wanted to know about the hidden marks fear leaves on the body.

Even after she finally escaped, her life was in tatters and nothing made sense. It wasn’t just the sudden jarring discovery of Project Leda, or the crisis it had forced her to confront. It was learning that, deep down, she had known that she’d never once felt free. She’d unconsciously kept herself from knowing to avoid exactly that conflict of wills that she’d known she would lose.

Trying to come to terms with what had happened and how it changed everything, Beth was continuously losing her balance. Questioning which parts of her life had been screwed over by her father and which by being part of some ridiculous supervillain science experiment was like trying to stand on two kickboards in a pool. She couldn't find her footing, and all she could do was try and stay afloat. She had to repeat her whole junior year of high school that she lost to this shitshow, while starting over at a new school, and only barely scraped her way into senior year. Now that she knew how honestly terrible she'd been at judging who in her life she could trust, it was as hard to talk to old friends as it was to make new ones.

Therapy helped her start sorting out what she was feeling, and how the environment she’d grown up in was really not the healthiest. She hadn’t realized how much she’d learned to doubt her own perceptions. That made constructing any kind of new understanding of her situation an uphill struggle. And of course, her therapist couldn’t help her confirm anything about a human experiment that was so illegal it had been an international secret. As she continued to stumble forward, Beth even started doubting her former certainty of the identity of her Leda monitor. She questioned herself and everything she knew until she wanted to scream with frustration or weep with confusion. The floor of the counselor’s office could have been mopped with her tears. It was, quite literally, driving her mad.

So, finally, Beth had taken up the invitation on the banner of every Leda news feature to "Contact the secure, clone-run Clone Youth Group Network (CYGNet) for answers by emailing [email protected]."

She wanted something concrete that would help convince her brain to stop reenacting these head games that warped her reality. It still insisted on playing through the patterns it had been taught, even in its teacher’s absence. She needed something that could brace her against the ideas that she was really just paranoid, overreacting, accusing, that this was all her fault for making a big deal out of nothing. Even with his other faults (cruelties, her mind whispered) aside, at least his involvement with Project Leda was unforgivable, and she wanted proof of it. Maybe if she had that, she could stop being mad at herself for not wanting to forgive. And if anyone had that proof, CYGNet would.

Maybe it was just because of the sheer blunt honesty about her motives, or the inescapable vulnerability of the message Beth sent, but Mika had replied to her within a day. And she'd been so gentle about it, too, enough to make Beth later question where the stereotype of autistic brashness came from. Then again, over email, Mika had all the time she needed to compose her thoughts and lay them out as softly as she wanted. She didn't have to spit them out as fast as she could to keep pace with a quick and painfully overwhelming world.

Hi Beth Childs,

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I still don't know how they got away with doing things like this for so long. I suppose people will always find ways to be cruel. But we've survived this long, and the whole point of CYGNet is to help us all heal. The experimental network has been dismantled, and we are assembling resources to help us. We've brought mental health professionals on to the project to develop custom programs for our needs. We can make them available to you, if you are interested.

I attached scans of some of your files that we recovered from DYAD. There are a few case reports with the signature of the person you asked about, spaced throughout your lifetime. There are also financial records with his name in the list of paid employees. He was without a doubt part of the Leda monitor program. I can provide all of the documentation that we have related to you, if you like, but I thought that would be too much all at once. I know these are hard to look at, but I hope they help let your mind rest. They are very real, and every awful thing we have experienced was also real, no matter how they tried to convince everyone that we were making it all up.

Please take your time with these, and stay in contact if you want to. You can join our mailing list, if you want to know when we have new information or new resources available. We're here for you.

And hey, if you just want to talk to someone who knows what it's like to deal with all of this, I'm here, too. You can reach my personal inbox or IM me at [email protected]. It'll be okay.

-Veera

Beth had started crying before she even finished reading the letter, much less opened the attachments. She cried so often these days. She only knew why half the time. But this time, it felt like the tears were extracting some of her pain as they left her, instead of just overflowing from the unending wellspring of her directionless distress. All of this was real, and someone else knew it.

Though she was grateful beyond measure for her mother’s untiring support, they were each other’s too-close, ever-present reminders of what they’d survived, trying to act like they weren’t, trying to convince each other and themselves that they were okay. Beth had needed something else, too, something until now unnamed.

This was a handhold, a backstop Beth didn't know she'd been desperate to find. It wasn't just the confirmation of what she’d concluded about her father. The ability speak plainly to someone she didn't feel the need to pretend around was an exhale of a breath held too long. At least one person in the world not only understood, but really and truly didn't want or expect her to act like any of this was normal or okay, or that she would ever be the same again.

Veera – or Mika, as she often went by online – made good on her offer of a sympathetic ear. Their correspondence started off with awkward, grammatically correct messages about the less painful details of their lives. Mika told her about the farmer’s market three blocks away where she went walking early in the morning before it got busy, and the plant stand there that her best friend and roommate Niki (also a Leda) had to ask her to stop buying so many succulents from.

At first, Beth tried to chatter like she used to, but there were no safe subjects. What had happened had touched all of her life. Normally, she’d talk about school, or sports, or her friends. But she was trying to start all over again at a new school with all the struggles that came with it. She didn’t have the time or energy for sports anymore, and talking about them hurt, now. Running used to make her heart sing. But no matter how she tried, there was no joy in the motion anymore. To top it all off, it was as hard to connect with old friends from her old life as it was to try and make new ones. She spent most interactions either doubting her own character judgement or dreading the moment people recognized her Leda face from the news.

She didn’t know how to talk about any of it to anyone. Maybe she could have if it had been just the clone thing or just the dad thing. But the two were inextricably entangled, and she still couldn’t even explain it to herself. It was all unbelievably horrifying, and any time she tried to be honest about it, people ended up disbelieving or horrified. Shocker.

Maybe, though, it wouldn’t be weird to talk about it with Mika. Mika already knew the worst. Beth didn’t have to hide that hurt from her to keep from shaking her world, or to keep her dismissal from hurting Beth. Maybe that’s what was hurting the most: the feeling that even after escaping, she still had to pretend to be okay. That compulsive stifling feeling choked her whenever it bubbled back up. On her bad days, a simple “how are you?” could reduce her to a blank face plastered over a raw tangle of emotions held motionless her own iron grip.

But Mika mentioned having bad days, too. Days came where she was too scared and nightmare-weary to do anything but make herself some tea and soak up some sunlight in the safety of home. Beth could casually say things like after those two months, i still twitch every time i hear a door open, and i wish my body would quit feeling like it doesn’t exist, my legs feel numb. It barely broke the surface of what it was like in her head, but was discomfiting enough for people that she held her tongue at school.

Sometimes, Beth got tired of constantly thinking about all this shit and tried to lighten things up. On one comically disastrous occasion of cultural exchange, she liveblogged Mika her attempt at eating the infamous Scandinavian lutefisk, along with an audio recording of the incoherent horrified noises she made after tasting it. In return, she received a recording of someone, presumably Mika, laughing harder than she’d ever heard anyone laugh before. It made Beth smile. Not many things did, back then.

Slowly, as the formality fell away from their transcontinental conversations, their heavier stories seething below the surface seeped in. Beth had been in therapy long enough now to know that she couldn't just recklessly unload on people the way she did in counseling sessions. But a counselor couldn't always provide the same kind of unspoken solidarity that someone in the same boat could.

Bit by bit, slipped into the chats that were becoming a daily occurrence, they talked about monitors, about what the experiment had really all been for, why that both was and wasn’t important, and how they'd discovered they were a part of Project Leda. Putting words to the pain hurt, a lot. But the ability to lay out long-unspoken truths in front of each other, knowing they were believed in the way that only people who have shared something can, was a healing kind of pain instead of the festering one Beth had been living with.

The two of them had more in common than they'd thought, growing up a world apart. Beth's experience raised under the subconscious wariness of her father's hovering thumb felt a lot like what Mika described growing up largely isolated with her former guardian. But sometimes, whenever they realized that something they'd both thought was normal was pretty not, they got a good laugh out of it despite the weight of their pasts. Mika seemed somewhat accustomed to her normal being considered pretty weird, so she usually took the revelations in stride better than Beth did. Beth wouldn't find out for at least a year after meeting her that it was because of her Asperger's, since it was a topic Mika seemed quite sensitive about.

Mika explained it once, in a conversation full of long pauses on her part and watching the typing icon disappear and reappear on Beth’s. The way she put it, it just meant that her brain worked a bit differently than most people's, processing sounds and sights and all the information it took in at different speeds and with different emphases. The difference could turn everyday things like the sound of a refrigerator running into a splitting headache, or something as simple as the soft texture of her favorite jacket into a kind of bliss. That alternative way of processing also extended to things like words and emotions as well. Sometimes, it took her longer than the world was willing to wait to process them into something that made sense. It often made communication tricky, trying to compensate for the gap in mutual understanding with most people. The world and the people in it could be so overwhelming sometimes, so fast and bright and full of noise and uncertainty and bewilderingly arbitrary social conventions. But the biggest challenge was other people expecting her to do everything the same way they did, ignorant of the fact there were any ways to exist other than their own, and completely oblivious to the fact that she was already putting in at least twice as much effort to communicate with them as they were with her.

And yet, even coming from such a different perspective, Mika gets it. Beth says sometimes i dream of drowning and its not a nightmare and i wake up not knowing how to feel, and Mika says I still dream of burning and wake up not knowing which fires are real, and they both say yeah. And they sit there across the world from each other knowing these things, knowing that it doesn't fix anything. And yet, it does change something. Nothing's any better, really. But somehow, the knowledge that someone else understands makes it a little easier to bear.

And that's just it. Somehow, without ever even having seen her face, Mika sees Beth clearer than anyone. All of her, all the ugly parts she hides so that they can't hurt anyone, and all the good parts that she also hides so that nobody can hurt them or take them away from her. Mika sees all of that and then just tells Beth another story about the Northern Lights she sees on the regular. Apparently, in Finnish, they’re called "fox fires." Beth hardly ever sees the aurora, living relatively far south in a bright city. But her stories about life in the metropolis by the lake intrigue Mika as much as the tales of the twisting green lights do her. And Beth can talk about something lighter again while not having to pretend that the heaviness isn’t there, too, even while she’s just once more trying and failing to explain poutine. For her, the weight never really goes away. But the effort of pretending she’s not carrying it takes more out of her than the weight itself. Mika understands that.

Maybe that’s why Beth had talked it over with Mika first, even before her mom, when she was considering taking a gap year after she hopefully managed to finish her senior year of high school. (God, it was so hard to think about English or math or whatever when just that morning she’d woken from a nightmare about being back in a not-home house that she never escaped.) Beth's mom had been so unbelievably supportive of Beth's recovery, even while she herself was adjusting to the wrenching change in both of their lives. It was both inspiring and a little intimidating. If her mom managed to run a household and raise a daughter all on her own, even while trying to heal from her own trauma, how could Beth not do her utmost, too? She was grateful to be able to talk to Mika about it, to get a reality check from someone who both understood her situation intimately and didn't make Beth feel that pressure of expectation. In the end, Beth did decide to take a year or two off before considering college, and her mom was again nothing if not supportive. Beth figured, after this entire mess, she deserved some time to herself to work on sorting her shit out, and her mom agreed.

After graduating with reasonable if not flying colors, Beth worked a series of part-time and odd jobs that didn't stress her out too much, letting herself focus on her own healing. In between her mom's support, seeing a counselor regularly, and the security of having a friend she could really trust, Beth felt like she was making progress. Slow progress, sure, but progress, nonetheless. Considering that she had seventeen years' worth of lies to unbelieve and emotional trauma to finally acknowledge, Beth figured that there was only so much she could do in the three years she'd had.

Her days were still hard. Getting sleep and waking up and eating and even just existing were still so fucking hard sometimes, and it was horrible. Some days, the thinnest sheet trapped her in bed like it was a car pinning her down. It felt so stupid for such simple things to be so hard. But then her therapist would remind her that that’s what mental illness and trauma was, that this was what the wounds in her mind and heart made her feel like. And once in awhile, sun broke through the shadows, and she had a day that reminded her what an okay day felt like – that okay days existed. That more might.

Now, she’s here, lying in a bright living room so far from home, with her dearest friend in the next room. She’s comfortable, except for the knot in her neck from sleeping oddly on the couch. The soreness pales in comparison to the usual tensions that are so strangely absent. Beth can’t remember the last time she felt this okay. She’s not steeling herself to go to work. She’s not dreading the next conversation with her mother that goes quiet as they both remember awful things they don’t mention. She’s not bracing herself for the next time her brain runs rampant worrying about whether she’ll run into the subject of her restraining order somewhere in the city and have to wonder if he'll honor it.

None of that reaches her here. There’s something about this quiet little pocket of space. It’s overrun with a proliferation of potted plants, from the sprawling lacy-leafed monster in the corner, to the fern peeping out of the kitchen, to the vine cuttings spilling out of an oddly familiar leaf-shaped glass bottle on the sill. Sunlight streaks through leaves and windowpanes and across the colorful patchwork of rugs on the floor. In the midst of it all, Beth is held by a palpable aura of gentleness. It holds her so softly that she doesn't need to hold herself in. It's like the layer of caution that she always keeps wrapped between herself and the rest of the world has simply dissolved away. In this moment suspended in morning light, she is okay.

She feels safe.

The realization undoes something in her. She feels the tears starting, and she expects the taut tension of involuntary stifling that always comes with them to return. But it doesn’t. She lies still and soft on the couch with the water creeping over her cheeks, breath occasionally catching but flowing freely. She savors it in the quiet.

The soft thunk of an ill-fitted door opening breaks into her odd reverie. Mika’s up. Beth sniffs and scrubs at her eyes halfheartedly, but she can’t hide them right now and she doesn’t want to. Mika notices immediately, and comes trotting over with quiet steps, leaning forward all concern.

"Beth," she says softly. She shifts from foot to foot like a nervous cat, watching Beth with enormous eyes. Beth has never met anyone else with such an intense stare. Or maybe it's just the fact that Beth knows beyond all doubt that she's being looked at by somebody who really sees her in her entirety. It's like she's staring right into Beth's soul. But Mika was able to do that long before they saw each others' faces. They've shared so many thousands of words over screens and seas, so many emotions that have gone otherwise unspoken, so many too-early mornings and too-late nights on the fringes of each other's dawns and dusks.

“What’s wrong?”

Finally, a flash of that sick tension runs through Beth’s body. It’s been okay when Mika has asked that before, when it was just silent letters on a screen. But out loud, the question falls on her ears like every well-meaning inquiry she’s ever had to scramble to find an acceptable answer for. The strain begins to cinch tight around her again like coarse ropes across barely-healed skin, ready to compel her to replace the truth with something safer. Her arms and legs tied, she begins to freeze, railing against herself for tainting the softness, the safety of this place.

"Beth." Mika says again, softer but more urgent.

In the gap between thoughts created by hearing her name, Beth seizes the chance to redirect them to the present. She clings to the welling in the corners of her eyes, the warmth of the sun caressing her back. The leaves of trees whisper outside the third-floor window in a mild breeze. The brightness spills over the sill and across Mika’s asymmetrical, half-craggy face and lights up tufts of her short hair as she steps closer. The couch dips as Mika sits down next to her, tilting Beth toward her.

Without meeting her eyes, Mika lifts a hesitant hand that hovers in the air between them, uncertain yet reaching. Her gentle palm falls onto Beth's forearm as softly as a floating leaf. The fingers curl around Beth’s arm just below the wrist, firm but not tight. Comforting.

The softness surrounding Beth seeps back into her, saturating her. As the memory fades like a ripple into water, the tension slackens. But it leaves her shaky, with traces of a familiar ache in her neck muscles, one that goes deeper than the simple stiffness from the couch. She sucks in a few unsteady breaths while Mika gives her arm a gentle squeeze.

“Sorry,” Beth says in a small, awkward voice.

Mika tilts her head. “Why?”

“Uh, I didn’t mean to bring all – this mess, in here.” Beth rubs the back of her neck with her free hand. “It’s so... soft, and okay, and – I don’t wanna ruin it,” she says, trailing off into a mumble.

“Hey.” Mika moves her hand from Beth’s arm to her shoulder. When Beth looks at her, she’s looking right back. Mika's eyes dart down to the floor for a moment, but then return to hold Beth’s with deliberate steadiness. “It’s alright. It’s like this here because we wanted it to be safe to be messy. You’re not ruining anything.”

“... Oh.” She’s steadied by Mika’s fingers curling around her shoulder, by the tendrils of sunlight spreading across her head and back and arms. Mika’s voice is small but steady, and somehow it comes from the same throat that makes that huge pealing laugh. It’s so strange how they sound nothing alike. Until yesterday, Beth hadn’t heard her voice since the lutefisk incident. They’d mostly kept to text and pictures. It had seemed easier, the way it gave them both plenty time to think before they spoke through their different uncertainties. Beth was already planning her trip before they realized that they’d never actually called each other. By that point, it sounded like more fun to meet in person the old-fashioned way.

"I'll make you some tea." Mika abruptly stands and lets go of her. Beth is sad to lose the contact. She flits across the room toward the kitchen in her soft cotton pajama pants, complemented by yet another black graphic tee for yet another Scandinavian metal band Beth's never heard of. Or at least, she'd never heard of them before Mika, who has something to say about all of them, and now Beth knows more than she'll ever need to.

Mika moves in and out of view behind the half-wall that separates the little living room from the kitchen. The fronds of the fern on the counter make a green rustling as she brushes by them. It sends soft feathered shadows waving across the wall opposite the window. Beth hears the rush of water boiling out of sight, and soon sees steam rising from the mug that's being handed to her.

"It's hot," Mika says unnecessarily. She sits down next to her again, this time leaning into Beth with her arm. Beth’s glad for it.

"Have you ditched the bags and gone loose leaf?" Beth says, eyeing the fragments of bright green leaf free floating in her mug.

"It didn't come in a bag. It came from the window."

"The window?"

"It's basil tea. For the fear and pain. Five large fresh leaves in two hundred and fifty milliliters water. We grew it here."

Beth takes a cautious sip. It's surprisingly sweet, and the savory smell of the steam rising from it curls into her sinuses. The aching in her head and neck begin to relax. It's unfamiliar, but it feels like home should, just like everything else here.

"Thanks," Beth says. On an impulse of craving closeness, she leans her head onto Mika's shoulder with a sigh. The sensation of contact deepens as Mika leans against her, too.

Beth holds the cup close, fingers wrapping around its warmth. She takes another sip and gets a bit of leaf stuck in her teeth. The way she scrunches up her face trying to dislodge it pulls a tiny laugh out of Mika.

“You don’t have to be okay here,” Mika whispers. “You can just be. That’s what we do.”

Beth finds her eyes wet again, but she smiles while she sets her mug down and wipes them away. “Kinda already wish I could stay here,” she says with a chuckle.

“... That’s probably not impossible.”

“Really?” Beth asks wryly. “Not even twenty-four hours, and you’d already be willing to put up with me?”

“Twenty-four hours and twenty-seven months.”

Beth melts a little even while waving the idea aside. “I wasn’t serious.”

“I know, but... weren’t you looking at the school here?”

“I mean, yeah, but... really, my mom just thought I deserved a break to get away for a little while. She’d saved up a bit, and I didn’t want to make it a big deal or anything, but she really wanted me to. She knew I wanted to come see you. Checking out the school was mostly an excuse. I know it’s a great place, but... I don’t really think it’ll help with what I wanna do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Beth sighs and leans back, looking at the ceiling. Mika follows her so that they’re still shoulder to shoulder, and pulls her feet up to tuck them in cross-legged.

She flounders for a moment, trying to find where to begin. She hasn’t told anyone this yet.

“This Leda crap has been kind of awful, right? It’s screwed so many of us up. But there’s only, what, a few hundred of us? And that’s not the only reason things get messed up.” She swallows. Her eyes trace irregularities in the ceiling: a knot in an exposed wooden beam here, a sealed and repainted crack there. “Kids like me are a dime a dozen. There’s so many people out there going through hell, just because they got stuck with people who are hurting so much that they hurt other people. And then they go on and hurt more people. It’s a cycle that’s really fucking hard to break.”

Breaths that have become harsh force her to pause and let them lengthen again. A touch on her knee draws her eyes down to a hand resting on it palm up, offering. Beth takes it. Mika squeezes her fingers in reassurance.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a cop like my dad, did you know that?” Mika, eyes wide, shakes her head. “Yeah. That was always my plan. I used to think he was so brave. Wanted to be just like him.” She shudders. Mika grips her hand, steady. “Even if I could do it better than he did, the system is still full of people like him. It’s broken. I couldn’t – I can’t end up like that. I can’t keep being a part of this shit. I want to actually help people.

“I never thought about it before I met you, but the people you brought in to do therapy programs and all for CYGNet? They’re amazing. The stuff I’ve gotten from them has helped me so much. And I don’t know what I’d do without my regular therapist. These people really help people like me. Like all of us. Those are the kind of people I wanna be like.”

Beth’s voice drops and becomes small and secretive, but firm. “I’ve been looking at the social work programs at home. There’s some really good ones at the uni near where mom and I live now. And that’s the city where I grew up. I know how things work there. I know it won’t be easy, but. I could really... do stuff.”

Silence stretches. Beth looks at Mika, only to be completely thrown off by an expression she can’t make heads or tails of. “What?”

Mika’s face is blank yet soft, only barely hinting at her thoughts in the faintest crinkling of her eyes. It’s funny, how quiet her face is most of the time. Beth never would have guessed, going off her online impressions of her. Mika’s so expressive and eloquent with her written words. In person, she is much more subtle. But even after only a day spent around her, Beth is already starting to see how her movements speak volumes in a language of their own. The flickering of her hands flares to life with excitement. The casual shake of her head tosses her hair out of her eyes even when it’s not in the way, like she’s clearing the slate of her mind. And much like Beth these days, she goes very still and tense when she’s getting uncomfortable or overwhelmed, the way she did after a particularly loud whistle at the train station. It shows in her shoulders. They’re soft now though, and she just watches Beth and squeezes her hand once more.

“You’re really amazing, you know,” Mika says.

“Wh- huh?”

“Well.” She looks away and turns their hands over, but doesn’t let go. “After the awful things you’ve been through – nnnh! Don’t pretend,” she says, looking back sharply as Beth begins to protest that she didn’t have it that bad. Mika knows her so well. Beth can’t help but laugh a little. “After all that, you just want to help people. All I ever want to do is get away from them, most of the time.”

Beth quirks a brow at her with a bemused grin. “Really? Because setting up and running an organization that provides mental health resources and extremely important information to a few hundred people is a really shit way to not help people.”

“I never talk to most of them! And CYGNet only has one hundred and thirteen members, not hundreds.”

Beth rolls her eyes with an exaggerated motion. “Yeah, so, you’ve somehow convinced, what, a whole freaking third of a huge group of scared strangers to trust you?”

“A lot of that was Niki and the press team, she’s way better at talking to people th–”

“And you’ve been careful enough and clever enough to keep them and all the information you got from DYAD safe and secure? I can’t even imagine the organization and, and cyber-security and whatever the hell else you put into all this. That you still put in. And look what you’ve done. You’re helping so many people. You found something only you could do, and do it really damn well.”

Mika looks down into her lap, half her face flushed. The raised ridges and swirls of the scarred side are pink, but not as dark. Her shoulders curl in a little, but she doesn’t pull her hand away from Beth’s. If anything, she holds on a little tighter.

“You don’t have to like talking to people to help them. You don’t have to be someone you’re not,” Beth says gently, then pauses as a new thought occurs to her. “Why did you talk to me?”

Mika gives a tiny shrug, eyes still downcast. “You reached out to me. Most people are scared, or suspicious, or hard to talk to, but you were just... honest. You told me exactly what you needed, even if that meant sharing your painful secrets with a stranger. I...” She trails off, looking toward the closed door of Niki’s bedroom. She blinks slowly.

“It reminded me of something Niki said a long time ago. When we first met. We didn’t trust each other at first. But when things got bad, we needed to, and she just... We’d only known each other for a day. She told me a true story that people had called her crazy for, and trusted me to believe her. And when I told her about... my Asperger’s, about being autistic, she just told me something about herself, too, another thing that a lot of people get cruel about when they know. This was back before she came out, too. She was hardly out to herself, then, really. But she told me anyway. ‘Secret for a secret,’ she said.”

“She’s really special to you.” It’s not a question. How could it be, with the sheer softness of love rounding out every syllable and making Mika melt into the couch and into Beth’s shoulder.

“She’s... yes. She’s my family.” Mika looks out the window, and the bright light dances over her nose. “I don’t remember ever having one.”

Beth slings an arm around Mika’s shoulders and smiles as she curls closer into Beth’s side. “Looks like you’re part of a pretty big one, now,” she says, waving a hand at the dozens of photos on the walls circling them.

“I guess so.”

“No need to guess. The evidence is right there. And I’m right here.”

Mika turns those huge eyes on her again. She’s done that multiple times now, even though Beth knows she rarely looks people in the eye. Eye contact is too much, most of the time. She describes it as too intense, too distracting, too intimate. Meeting those eyes – so like Beth’s own, but filled with such a different kind of light – Beth thinks she understands a glimmer of it. If every eye she met were as overwhelmingly expressive as Mika’s, Beth probably wouldn’t meet them all either. It keeps taking her by surprise, coming across their eloquence in an otherwise quiet face. Caught by that gaze, every emotion that lives in it touches Beth. Right now, it’s soft with adoration but shaded with a gradient of doubt. The width and depth of Mika’s eyes reveal a clear view of a vulnerable, aching, healing heart that spent eleven years starving for the love it needs and still hasn’t forgotten the famine.

It might be breaking Beth’s heart. No wonder Niki is always showering her with hugs and kind words and gentle hands on rounded shoulders. Maybe one of these days, Mika will have spent long enough finally getting to soak up all that affection that she won’t look at Beth like this when she says the simple truth.

“Hey. Here I am. Really.” Beth’s voice is a little choked up. She pulls Mika into a proper hug with both arms. Mika squeaks in surprise at being squeezed so emphatically, but returns it all the same. God, but she gives the best hugs of anyone Beth’s ever met. All contact and even, firm pressure and steadiness. “It’s so damn good to see you. I can’t believe you’re...” real, Beth thinks but doesn’t say. I can’t believe I didn’t imagine you. I can’t believe you’re just as kind as your words. I can’t believe how good it feels to be around you. “I can’t believe I’m really here.”

Mika doesn’t say anything. For a moment, one of her hands leaves Beth’s back to fiddle with something, then comes back to give her a little squeeze that Beth returns.

Beth’s phone buzzes a notification behind her on the little glass-top table next to the couch. The table’s wooden base is a round blob carved into the shape of a very fluffy and very ugly sheep with curly horns. Beth’s arms loosen from their embrace as she turns to look at it, bemused. No one but Mika really messages her except for her mom. But if it’s morning here, it’s about time for bed at home. She checks it, just to be sure she’s okay.

But it’s not from her mom.

Mika reaches out to gently grasp her forearm again as Beth shoots her a quizzical look and opens the message.

3mika: I'm glad you're here.

Beth's heart quails.

To think, that her darker days might have kept her from ever being in this moment. Beth might never have gotten to this point, hurt but healing and here. Here, she's seven time zones and an ocean away from the cycle of pain she grew up in, barely aware she needed to escape. She might well feel safer right here in this crossroads of time and place than she has at any other in her entire life. It's a realization that's as humbling as it is nourishing.

Already, the distance this journey has taken her has given her so much perspective. She wasn’t sure, before, whether the work she’s been considering was just a response to what she’s been through – or just a way for the cycle to keep her within its spiral. But she’s seen what Mika can do, what Beth could do one day, if she keeps on.

It won’t be easy. She’ll go back, and deep-seated memories will try to drag her back into small dark places. But being here, even for only a few hours, has already changed her. She can change, and she can grow, and she is already tapping into new strengths that her past has yet to reckon with. She is here, right now, in spite of all of it. And today is not a dark day.

“Me too, Mika. I’m glad to be here, too.” Beth’s tongue stumbles over the name, because she’s never said it out loud before, only read it on a screen.

Surprise sends Mika’s eyebrows up and her eyes wide again, like she’s never heard it before, either. Maybe she hasn’t. She tilts her head again like a question, touching her ear and looking at Beth.

Beth grins. “Mika.” A smile blooms on that curious face, lighting it up. She’s the one who pulls Beth into a hug this time, and it’s both fierce and soft. When she lets go, she leans into Beth’s side again and they stay like that, arms over shoulders and comfortably curled up together, soaking in the warmth of each other’s presence like leaves drink in light. The simple sweetness and companionship of it soothes Beth’s heart, seeking its way into the aching crevices. It’s an odd feeling, both seeping inward and flowing outward, trickling all the way through her until it warms her cold toes in a way that feels both new and strangely familiar.

A long, sleepy yawn announces that Niki’s awake now, too. Soon, she comes out of her room stretching her arms over her head. Mika reaches a hand out toward her to wave in greeting, though she leaves the other arm draped over Beth’s shoulders. Niki smiles at them. That kind smile, too, adds to the warmth washing through Beth. Her feet practically itch with it, and with a growing sensation of déja vu. She fidgets her toes against the floor as Niki walks over to brush Mika’s outstretched hand like a touchstone.

“How'd you sleep? Isn’t that couch the comfiest?” she says to Beth.

“Well, I’ve got a crick in my neck, but I still slept better than I have in years.”

Niki turns her sunny smile on Beth. “Good to hear it. Weird, though, I nap there all the time and my neck’s always fine. Huh. Anyway, I think I might make waffles. You two want some breakfast?”

Mika nods, but doesn’t let go of Beth yet. Beth is lost in thought, trying to remember what that light, floating feeling in her feet reminds her of.

“Sweet.” Niki ambles toward the kitchen and bends down with pursed lips to peer at the fern perched on the counter. “Hmm. You still look a little pale. Let’s get you some more sun.” She brings the plant over to the living room and is fussing over settling it on the sheep table when it clicks for Beth. A physical memory washes over her, for once welcome. She lets it fill her, refreshing like a deep breath of cold morning air her lungs are suddenly hungry for. She flexes her calves and ankles, her legs remembering the joy and freedom of stride and strike. Her bones are finally recalling how they once carried her with ease, even while they're adjusting to the new weight of who she's become. Fully alive again for at least this moment, her soles are practically prickling with the desire to eat up ground.

“How about you, Beth? Do you like waffles?” Niki asks, fluffing the fern’s crinkly green leaves. Mika squeezes her shoulder.

Beth grins and plants steady feet on the blue rug in front of the couch. “Save a few for me? I think I might actually go for a run first.”

#orphan black #clone club #veera suominen #beth childs #niki lintula #mk ob #mika ob #herbs on the windowsill au #lizzie taking up space #lizzie's adventures in writing #welcome back yall #long post #fic #ob fic #that a garden will grow

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my-dearest-k · 5 years

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Ok so this just happened...

This is notK related but your girl just had the most tender moment with the most beautiful older lady!!!

I was at my aunts wedding today and there I saw one of her friends and like a family friend as well who is this beautiful woman (let's call her B) again after like at least 5-10 years. She came up to me and was like "oh my god your such a beautiful woman now. Last time I saw you you were still a child and look at you now. Can I hug you?" And I was thinking like yes please hug me I didn't remember you were this incredibly charming blonde woman! Anyways we hugged and then B held onto my hand while were talking with my mom and sister. And she kept complementing me the entire time which was like the biggest confidence boost ever. So fast forward to after the wedding itself and to the reception/party which was in my aunts garden. We were talking for a bit in the beginning but then we were sitting at different tables on different sides of the garden but a little bit later when the dj started playing music people were dancing and moving around more. So I danced with my dad for a couple of songs but I kept loosing one of my shoes so I went to the closest table to tie my shoe again. Thsi also happened to be the table B wss sitting at. So I randomly decided I was gonna sit there and talk with her a bit. First of all she kept touching me when she was talking to me and second of all she gave me the biggest complimemt ever!!! She said something along the lines of well you are and always were so absolutely sure of yourself and ypu always knew who you were. (A little side note we where talking aboit how I dress true vintage on a day to day basis) Anyways the next song comes on and my dad wants me to come dancing again so I just pulled B on the dancefloor with me. So we danced together for a bit. So dinner time comes around and at this point I've probably had about a bottle of champagne so I am very emotional. But we're in the kitchen with a couple of other people, B is still eating and I have just finished. From all the alcohol and sun and dancing I'm not only tipsy but also very tired so I lean on the kitchen island and B puts her arm around me and says " oh J darling are you tired?" I mean I was already smitten with this woman and then she called me darling!!! So my impuls is to say "you know B there is something I wanted to tell you" which I practically immediately regereted but decided to do nonetheless so I told her that I wanted to tell her in private. I expected her to question it but nope she just went straight along with it. So we went outside to a quiet part of the garden and she asked me what I wanted to tell her and I said "well you know how you said you admired me for always knowing who I am well I didn't always know. For most of the last 2 years I had no idea and well not a lot of people actually know that but I'm a lesbian and it was not very easy to come to terms with that." (You can hear the champagne) And for a second I was really worried she might react badly because she had this weird look on her face but she didn't. Next thing she said was: "As a child you knew who you were and nothing has chnaged it was just this procces of getting this knowledge about yourself from the unconscious to the conscious that startled you and look at you you are this gorgeous young woman and you are great amd the fact that you love women is great with a smile like yours your gonna break a lot women's hearts." And I'm not gonna lie about halfway through I started crying a bit. So I wiped the tears from my cheeks and thats when she realized I wss crying so she went like "oh no J darling don't cry you have the most incredible life ahead of you." And then she hugged me again but that's not it she also kissed me on each cheek - to sort of kiss the tears away - and then she gave me the tiniest peck on the lips!!!!!!!!! She did that and wow !!!! I don't even know what else to say about that. After that she higged me againg and when we let go she kept holding my hadn while we walked back to the others. And literally the photographer took pictures of us walking through the garden holding hands!

I was kissed by the most beautiful 60 year old woman today and I still dont know how to cope tbh

#wow this is long #but like super important #i got to kiss the most beautiful middle aged woman today #the goddesses have blesed me today #i want to cuddle with her again #i think we were prety much touching the entire afternoon #like in this friendly we are enjoying each other company way

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f-117-nighthawk · 6 years

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I didn’t mean thsi to get this long OR answer my own question but I suppose if you want some rambles on the Galra Empire’s initial existence and a tad bit of post-canon stuff go ahead

so was Feyiv like, the first planet the Galra Empire conquered or something? why is the Kral Zera there? Were there natives of the planet before it was conquered? What happened to them when Keith shoved the Empire into a fresh new democracy? come to think of it, what happened to most of the planets? Did they stay part of the Empire or did they break off and send their own representatives to the Coalition?

(I’ve been thinking about this in reference to how Star Wars kinda set itself up, where there seems to be ~one representative per system. So idk what Corellia is doing with all its shit and weird EU things that caused five very different planets with four different species one of which is sorta implied to be the One True “Human” anyway this is wildly beside the point)

So does the Coalition have one rep per system? There didn’t seem to be that many seats at that table. And there was Krolia and Kolivan so. hm. Add on the fact that my AU has Lotor staying with the Coalition (and some not really clear in my head stuff about him becoming Emperor and the rest of House Marmora (read:Keith and Krolia) get dragged into diplomatic messes because “You’re House Marmora!!! We’re an absolute bloody mess trying to reverse our slow journey from representative democracy through technocracy to autocracy and you’re the Diplomat Warriors so of course you can save us!” despite the fact that Keith is usually a bit too blunt for diplomacy (although, I imagine in a room full of Galra that’s actually appreciated) and Krolia is TiredTM but since she’s the only fullblood Marmorait left she kinda has to pull her weight where Lotor can’t because that hatred of halfbloods runs deep especially in some of the more conservative (read:Zarkon-influenced and loyal) Galra.)

anyway. Feyiv and the Kral Zera. The wiki says Feyiv was conquered pre-Zarkon which. doesn’t really fit with my canon at all. And I’m not sure it makes sense in canon either? I don’t feel like Altea and the other planets in the system would let the Empire run about conquering planets.

On the other hand, I’ve been operating under the assumption that all five home planets of the first gen Paladins were in the Daibaltean system. If they were fighting space pirates, I think they all had pretty decent inter-system travel at that point, probably FTL drives (or the wormhole in Altea’s case) so theoretically that doesn’t have to be true and thus Daibazaal could be running around conquering planets before agreeing to stop fighting with Dalterion, Nalquod, and Rygnirath (and possibly Altea?). In that scenario Feyiv would likely be in a nearby system to Daibaltea.

Or, possibly, it’s actually in Daibaltea. It’s wildly unlikely they managed to evacuate the entire Galran population to Altea with the intention of keeping them therefor the foreseeable future. Another purple planet inwards from Altea in the same system? Likely place to put them. So maybe it wasn’t so much conquered as the Galra wen’t “hey look, a mostly empty planet. let’s go put a colony there” and Altea just shrugged and helped them.

So after Daibazaal is destroyed, they’re having a state funeral on Feyiv, not Altea, because Feyiv is kinda the capital of the Galran Empire now. And then quintessence-zombie!Zarkon wakes back up and. well.

fastfoward ten thousand Galatic years and then six-ish Earth years. Feyiv has been made the capital of the newly reformed Galran Empire, (they’re working on the name, it’s back to the democratically elected House Councils). Somehow, on top of Voltron missions (to make an Impression on space pirates, the occasional show of force to reassure a planet or two, and dealing with the thing they accidentally fucked up semi-secretly so as to not freak the entire Coalition out) and Kolivan conscripting him to help the Blade completely shift missions, Keith has become A Diplomat for the Galran Empire.

And he hates it. The only reason he’s any good at it is six years of Allura beating it in that diplomacy is part of their job description and around three years of his Galran side making an.....impression on new planets and him thinking it’s probably better things don’t end up like the first time he took his helmet off on a planet after his kunaniznai.

anyway TLDR Feyiv is the capital of the Empire, Keith struggles with being a diplomat and Lance secretly thinks its hilarious while helping him out.

#I'm sick and worldbuilding!#such a good combination #i did this all for One Line in some fluff #i am dark matter; your road to ruin #this is QUITE the insight into my worldbuilding process wow #the initial question @ canon; then the side rambles about other similar things in other universes; then a semi-coherent answer #and then a lightbulb moment that switches around many different assumptions and the probable answer #and many other things popping up only semi-related to the inital question

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peakyxshelby · 8 years

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Cheat.

Finn Shelby x reader Word count: 1992 Request: Can you please write a Finn Shelby fic where he cheats on the reader, they break up and weeks later see each other and decide to try again and can the brother give him advices or something. Good luck with the blog. Warnings: Swearing, fluff, suggested smut Writer Comment: i went off topic and rambled a little bit I am so sorry but really enjoyed thsi one! It had been three weeks. Three weeks since your world was turned upside down. One drunken night out with your friends, Isaiah had let slip after one too many that Finn cheated on you with Viola Brawley. Viola was the daughter of a very powerful brummie, not as powerful as the Shelbys but he was up there. You left the pub in tears as Finn followed you. You screamed and screamed. Cried and cried until there was absolutely nothing left to cry. You wouldn’t listen to a word he had to say and he stood outside your door for hours every day for two weeks. Nothing. You had no response. You and Finn had been inseparable since you were 13 and he finally plucked the courage to ask you out on your 16th birthday. You were turning 18 next month and talk was Finn was going to ask you to marry him. He eventually stopped waiting outside your door even though there were blinders watching and following you everywhere you go. It still hurt, you still sat up at night unable to sleep. The thought of Finn touching Viola’s body the way he touched yours made you physically sick. You couldn’t compete with her in the slightest. You were walking down the streets of Small Heath to your favourite bakery knowing full well you were being followed by one of the blinders the whole way. As you swung the door open to say hello to the owner Frank and his wife you were stopped dead in your tracks. “Finn…” you whispered, as the tall slim boy you were in love with turned round on his heels almost dropping the loaf he was holding. Seeing his face felt like a punch in the gut, you didn’t even notice you had started crying until Frank asked if you were ok. You politely nodded and spun back around on your heels before quickly walking away. Finn threw money on the counter quickly before running after you as quick as he could. “(Y/N)!” He shouted but you kept walking, ignoring him. “(Y/N)! Stop!” He shouted again, after this you practically broke into a run but he was the fitter one out of the two of you obviously and soon caught up and stood in front of you grabbing your arms preventing your from moving. “Get off me you fucking bastard!” you screamed punching him in the chest, before practically collapsing down sobbing. He held you, stroking your back and gently hushing you trying to calm you down. When you felt you had enough strength you shook Finn off you and stood up quickly drying your eyes and sorting yourself out. “(Y/N) can we please just talk? Please just let me explain!” He begged you with tears in his eyes almost looking as broken as you were. But you just shook your head and went to walk past him. “I love you (Y/N), please stay. Please” He took your hand and you quickly turned back around to face him. “You don’t love me, if you loved me you would never ever have hurted me like you did. If you didn’t want me you could have let me know…” you trailed off looking at his face as he know began to sob. You knew this was your cue to walk away. _________________________________ Finn burst through the door into the betting shop, his face red and puffy. “Where’s Tommy?” he hissed to one of the men in the shop his voice cracking and laced with anger. He looked around in panic trying to locate the most powerful shelby when Pol walked out of her office. She was shocked to see Finn standing breathing heavy, fists clenched. “Finn, what the hell is wrong with you?” Polly asked her nephew rubbing his back trying to calm him down. “I need Tommy now,” he seethed. She saw that there was no arguing with him right now and followed him quickly as he stormed towards his office. As Finn burst open the door Tommy and John were sitting at his desk going over a plan in front of them. “Not now Fi…” Tommy was shocked when he looked up from the papers to see his youngest brother standing in front of him with rage burning through his eyes. The look on aunt Pol’s face let Tommy know that something was wrong. “What’s wrong with you?” Tommy asked, actually concerned for his brother. “You! You did this! You’re the reason the girl I love, the only person in this damn world i really care about hate’s me!” Finn was screaming now, this took everyone back as he was never one to shout. “You told me the only way we would land the deal is if i would seduce the bloody daughter of George fucking Brawley that you would land the deal! You told me she’d never find out!” Tommy sank back in his chair as John looked down at his hands, Finn was sobbing again and slumped in the chair across the desk from the other two boys, his head collapsing down into his hands. “I am so sorry Finn,” Pol whispered before squeezing his shoulders and nodding to John and Thomas. A look that told them they better sort this out. “Finn,” Tommy started, guilt filled him seeing his brother so destroyed, “listen I am so sorry. I will speak to her, I’ll sort this out.” “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” John stated, “she needs to hear it from you Finn.” “She won’t speak to me, she won’t even look at me and i have no idea what I’m meant to do.” Finn sounded defeated. “Give her time, sit her down and tell her everything that happened. If you really love her and she really loves you, everything will work out,” Tommy said trying to soothe his brother. That’s when the door burst open, Isaiah had seen his friend upset and decided he knew a quick fix to help his broken heart. “Come on mate, we are going out.” ________________________________

You had just tanned your third Gin of the evening and you’d only been out an hour or so. Your friends had decided that it was time to get dolled up and go out to get finn off your mind. It was working, you felt good, you looked great and the drinks were flowing. The pub was popular among people your age and it was one of the busiest nights you had seen it in a while. Perfect opportunity to hit the dance floor, as you got up to start dancing you spotted your ex’s cousin michael standing at the bar with a very attractive friend. You made your way over eyeing up the mystery boy. “Michael!” you squealed while jumping in for a hug. “Well it looks like someone is enjoying their night!” Michael chuckled, “nice to see you (Y/N), what are you drinking tonight?” as you told michael your drink order in no time at all there was another one in front of you. “(Y/N), this is my friend Benjamin. Ben this is (Y/N).” “Lovely to meet you (Y/N),” the boy said whilst pecking your hand which in turn made you blush, “but please just call me Ben.” “Well ben,” you started, “how well can you dance?” The boy looked at Michael who just started to laugh. “She’s a handful this one,” Michael laughed. But before you know it you’re in the middle of the dance floor dancing with your new friend. The world was spinning and your face was hot from all the liquor, you were too caught up in the moment to think of anything else. You didn’t realise how close you and Ben’s faces had actually gotten. You quickly pulled back becoming very aware that the only boy you had ever kissed had been Finn. “Wow it’s getting so hot in here, I think I need to get back to that drink,” you shouted over the loud music at the boy who nodded and agreed whilst walking back to the bar. You sat on the bar and quickly downed the drink and that’s when your whole body went limp. “Who the fuck put something in her drink!” Michael shouted as he caught you before you hit the floor. You couldn’t move or speak and your noise and vision was extremely warped. You could see the boy from earlier try to run to the door. That’s when you saw him. Finn. Isaiah had grabbed the boy as michael and finn ran to the boy taking off their hats as Isaiah held his hands behind his back. You tried to scream but nothing would come out as your friend was gently stroking your hair out your face reassuring you it would be ok. _________________________________

You woke up in a familiar feeling, you tried to look around but the light was so bright and all of your muscles ached. As your eyes started to adjust you saw you were in Finn’s bed and he was sat at the end staring at the wall. He looked so very tired. He quickly noticed you were awake and ran round the side of the bed to kneel next to you. “Are you ok? Are you hurt at all?” he asked sounding panicked whilst running a hand across your forehead. “Why am I hear?” You croaked, trying to sit up but winced at the pain. Finn helped you sit up and make you comfy as he told you what happened the night before. That the boy at the bar had tried spiked you to try and take you home and that Finn and Isaiah had arrived just in time to help michael ‘take care of things’. I fell unconscious and my breathing started to becoming less and less noticeable so Finn ran you here. He hadn’t left your side since. He was whisked out the room by Pol after this although he was very reluctant to leave your side. She wanted to examine you incase you had any injuries and didn’t want to ‘expose’ you to Finn, nothing he hadn’t seen before though was what he argued. “He loves you, you know,” she said once Finn had left the room. You stayed silent as you weren’t sure what to believe. “He hasn’t left your side, not slept a wink all night. He was in tears carrying you through that door. He thought he’d lost you (Y/N) and It almost broke him.” When Pol was finished she washed you up and put you in night clothes to rest before going to pack your things so you could go home. Finn slipped back into the room and sat on the other side of the bed. “(Y/N),” He whispered barely audible, “Can we please talk about this?” You thought about what Polly had said and decided you were tough enough now to accept what he had to say. You nodded and Finn explained everything. How tommy was settling a deal. How he was a key role. He finished explaining and there was silence. You were still hurt he could have done such a thing to you. But he was putting his family first as he always did it’s how he goes about life family first. “I really do love you,” he said intertwining his fingers with yours on the bed. “I know, I still love you,” he looked at you with wide eyes and pulled you into his chest. You sat there for a moment him holding you tight in a warm embrace. “(Y/N)(Y/L/N), will you marry me?” You looked at him in shock, confused at was going on. “I put family first, I want to put you first. I want you to be family.” “Yes.” you said before going in for a passionate kiss, the best kiss you have ever had.

#peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #polly gray #michael gray #isaiah jesus #finn shelby #john shelby #thomas shelby

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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years

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Okay hear me out Kai and his S/o slow dancing for the first time and it, and him, being all romantic for his angel

YAYAYAYA

"Nooooo..!" You whined before childishly burrowing your face on the pillow of the bed, not even caring about the glare of those golden eyes on your back.

"It wasn't exactly a invitation. Actually, it wasn't at all." He said while crossing his arms in unamusement at your muffled grumbles, still staring you down.

Just a bit more of persuasion... stop being a fucking brat for once. Less job for.him the better.

"Why you do this to me..?" you lifted your head to lay only side of your face to pout at your boyfriend "Seriously. Not cool."

"Is not my fault that they decided to make a ball for only members of the yakusa."

"But YOU-" you pointed at him "Want me there! Since is not even obligated!"

"Actually. It is. Me being the young leader of the Shie Hassaikai it would be explendid and social acceptable bringing a companion."

"Isn't Pops going with you as well?" You jumped while yelping at the pinch he gave it to your side.

"Companion by I mean you idiot." He sighed before bringing a hand to rest on his temple "I don't appreciate social events as well but just this once stop being a brat about it."

"Am not!"

"You are. And do not even dare to start that whole childish thing." He sended you a glare while you only lifted your hands up in defence.

You sighed before plopping onto your back again, numbly staring at the ceiling.

"Don't have a special-"

"Clothing? I already took care of it."

Damn prepared bastard was your boyfriend, curse him...

He smirked at seing you giving up and agreeing on going, you thankfully couldn't see it due to his mask as he left the room with a 'Very well then, its decided'.

He didn't wanted to go either, but he needed to. Those balls sadly were something very important for the yakusa and when Pops commented that he would've like him to go he would just sigh but go anyways.

This time, the elder mentioned about how the rumors of him having a partner was spreading, and some would like to see in person.

So a chance to show off his angel while he attends to the Shie Hassaikai important business along with Pops was a good as hell bonus.

Althoigh he had to admit that he took way longer than he expected to convince you to go... he swore that you were becoking, or already were, just as antisocial as he was...

"Dear (Y/n) you look stunning." Pops commented as he steped out of the car, Kai getting out first only to help you up.

You smiled while blushing before taking a brief look at the place...

Aparently not only your boyfriend liked to show off the yakusa's power and dominance... because that place was huge and looked like one mansion that not even a top hero would get...

"Overhaul. A pleasure of meeting you in person." A gentleman aproached extending his hand towards Chisaki, slowering awkwardly down his hand at noticing as a only response a glare "and this one must be..?" He looked over you instead with a smirk.

You went to answer before you felt a protective glovwd hand on your shoulder.

"Mind your own business." He growled before slightly pushing you away while he walked "Don't bother us with your filth tongue."

You arched a eyebrow at him before he whispered into your ear that, this man actually had in total of 41 wifes, and evertime he saw a new face on a gathering he would pick them.

"That man disgust me to death." He growled before easing his hand into your lower back instead.

"Hm~? So you worry about me then?" You singed before giggling at the flip he gave into your forehead.

"Don't get your hopes too high. I simply don't accept garbage touching neither interacting with what is mine." He growled, his gaze far away from yours as you giggled.

"Ah what a nice timing for you two to appear. Chisaki, this is my older commurate." Pops extended his hand at another old man with his wife right besides him "You two met only once, but I talked a lot about thsi old bag of meat."

The other man laughed out loud before wiping one tear away, takung a look at Chisaki and after you on his side.

"I only saw you once Chisaki, but I can see you're almost tall as a tree already! And what a lovely face you brought us the honor to."

Chisaki nodded numbly before showing you in emphasis with his palm at your figurine, monotonously voice as always but you smiled at seing the sparkle in your boyfriend's eyes that almost screamed how proud was he to be speaking about you.

"This is my partner."

"(Y/N) (L/N)." You bowed in respect, sending the couple a smile "Is a pleasure to be in here and meeting you all."

"And has manners!" The mam laughed while Pops couldn't contain his chuckles "A good one you picked huh young man?"

Chisaki cringed at the way the man called him but decided to let it slide... for now.

A slow mussic started to play, and the older couple shared a quick glance and smile before they made their way until a the center of the huge room.

You tilted your head in confusion before getting rigid at seing there were couples preparing to slow dance with each other.

"Why you two don't go?" Chisaki glared at Pops, whose chuckle before showing the place with his glass "It would be good to our image, its been decades since a couple of the Shie Hassaikai appeared. And you two would give plenty of... what I would say, honor."

You gulped before looking at Kai, shoulders sagging a bid with a deep sigh before he extended his gloved hand to yours, stoic face as usual but his eyes spoted a hint of softness on his soul..

"Shall we dance then? My angel?" You swallowed, at least try it, your nerves down and slowly let your hand fall gently on his much bigger one, him leading you to the middle of that place.

Why...?

"Kai they will look-" you whined before he hushed you with a hearted scoff 'quiet.' Before awkwardly interlocking his covered fingers with your bare ones; other hand on your waist as you nervously went.to place on his shoulder.

"Let them look." He said with boredoom before he started to swoon back on forth, bringing you aling with his rhythm "Let them see the beautiful stunning angel that this devil has on his arms." He sended you a look that poured heat in every part of your body while the music started.

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

You breathless giggle, not breaking eye contact dowm at both of your feet in fear of stepiing on his before he gently twirled you around, surprisingly bringing you more close to him.

"Since when do you dance?" You asked hushed, smilling brightly at seing the hits of a smirk growing on his face.

"I don't. Never found a reason to it."

"Liar!" You whisper yelled in offense as he took a couple of steps, bringing you along since he was controlling the pace.

"I don't do lies angel of mine. You should know that by now."

A life goes by

Romantic dreams must die

So I bid my goodbye

And never knew

So close, was waiting

Waiting here with you

And now, forever, I know

You two continued on your pace, this time you felt confident enough to stop looking at you guys shoes to look up at thise golden eyes, smillimg at the muffled scoff as he decided that his gaze that once were on your face went to your interlocked hands.

He twirled you around again... letting go of you to swoon graceusly a bit on yourself before he brought you to his arms again. Bodies inches now apart, as now you both stared at eachother... love spread on your eyes while adoration came from his...

All that I wanted

To hold you so close

He suddenly speed up the pace, making you gasp for a bit before giggling at seing how he twirled you on his arms, graciously and elegantly catching you by the back, chin almost resting your shoulder, dancing along with the music before he brought you to his chest again.

You felt ever vibe of your entire body screamung for him. Begging almost to be glued on him and never let him go... bit you knew his boundaries and respected them no less...

If you only knew that it was the same thing that his body was doing at the exact same time...

So close to reaching

That famous happy end

Almost believing

This one's not pretend

And now you're beside me

And look how far we've come

So far we are, so close

You couldn't contain yourself anymore and looked up at him with a lovesick smile before resting your head in the crook of his neck, getting worried a bit at the way he tensed but soon relaxed.

He looked down at you for a brief moment with wide eyes, now glued to his chest, before he breath out slowly a puff of air before resting his own temple on your head.

Huh.. it was... a nice feeling. A very pleasant one for him to be completely honest...

He smirked behind his mask, looking you a bit before he pushed you two in the room; adoring that huge and pure smile on your lips evertime he twirled you ans catched you again on his arms.

By that moment, every one on that room stooped dancing only to look at you both, Pops had tears on his eyes at how much proud he was having on that moment, impressed at seing the fearless overhaul dancing a waltz.

Dancing a waltz with someone no less.

But neither of you didn't even notice, Chisaki partially not giving a damn about who was watching or not... he had such a beautiful and majestic creature on his arms and gaze...

So why should he look away on the first place..?

He guided yours steps around him, turning you once again from afar before pulling you back so that this time he would grab you by the legs and spin in the air, smiling when he saw your face of pure surprise and fun.

He placed you down, you two catching your breath as you both rested your foreheads in each other.

He opened his eyes first, to surprisingly cup your cheek to wipe one emotional tear falling from your beautiful eyes, chuckling at seing how your smile only grew wider before wrapping his arms at your waist, chin rested on the top of your head.

Oh how could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now

We're so close to reaching

That famous happy end

Almost believing

This one's not pretend

Let's go on dreaming

For we know we are

So close, so close

And still so far

The music ended and the whole room clapped.

You looked up at your boyfriend with a crinson blush before hidding your face on your hands, still caged on his grasp.

"Aparently they dont have anything better to do with their lifes instead of watching us like creeps... they're sick." He murmured, cold and icy voice back while he pulled you closer, his warm breath hitting your ear.

You giggled before he tilted your chin up. Stating you down with hearted golden yet serious as always eyes.

"Shall we dance the next time in a more private area?"

Next time...

Song 'so close' of John McLaughlin

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