#top surgery is too expensive lol

[miss-floral-thief]

kinda bs that weight gain might make your chest grow but if you lose weight it wouldn't necessarily shrink your chest

[irawhiti]

man there is really no way out of poverty huh. like for real.

[remedyturtles]

out of curiosity, are you an only child? I'm one of four brothers (aged 2-26) and have multiple estranged half siblings, and I've always found the way you write familial interactions between the brothers to be just. incredibly realistic and raw

Especially between Leo and Donnie - their interactions in your writing will occasionally (bar the codependency...) parallel interactions between my older brother and I to a T and it's. so touching

If you are an only child, what goes into writing familial interactions for you?

If not, do you have any specific memories or experiences of your own that you melt into interactions between the brothers?

Your writing brings me so much comfort and makes me love my brothers just a little harder

LMAO definitely NOT an only child hahahaha. i have an older sister and an older brother, then two bonus brothers

hmm! experiences... let's see. under a cut bc you got me rambling abt my family LMAO

our family groupchat is titled 'live and don't learn that's us'

once my brother drove over 12 hours all night to come rescue my sister and i after our car broke down during a road trip and the only payment he took was pizza

i still have an envelope that my brother slid under my door after a fight with other family that says on the top 'I HEARD YOU WERE UPSET BUT BIG BROTHER STILL LOVES YOU'

at my high school graduation, my brother took a very expensive trip home for two days just to walk me down the aisle. i did a speech and wasn't nervous at all bc every SINGLE time i looked out at the crowd he was looking at me with the fucking BIGGEST smile on his face

after my sister moved out and went to university she called me every single day

there was a girl that was going after my brother against his wishes and my sister picked up the phone when she called and threatened her so hard that she never talked to my brother again and like ten years later he was like 'yeah she just gave up one day idk what happened' and we were like 'um sister happened' and he was like 'WAIT WHAT' LMAO

for years me and bonus brother #1 would steal sister's phone and make her background a selfie of us and she never changed it and even one year was like 'hey the selfie is super old can you guys take a new one'

i also have a photo saved on my phone after bonus brother #1 got out of a surgery legit in his hospital bed with the caption 'i lived bitch'

i have been wearing a jean jacket i stole from bonus brother #2 for years and last time he saw me i was wearing it and he did not even remember it was his anymore

every snapchat i've taken of bonus brother #2 is captioned with 'bitch'

last christmas we did powerpoint presentations over discord. sister assigned everyone roles in star wars. brother provided a satirical how-to on home maintenance. bonus brother #1 talked about magic the gathering.

i didn't take many pictures but i do have this moment from sister's that made me laugh out loud:

then another badly taken picture from brother's:

i know what you're wondering now. rem, what did you do your presentation on?

cue groans from my entire family. except, wait....

the only use i've gotten out of my bachelor's degree LMAO

anyway if you got this far, the point is that i am definitely NOT an only child lol. we have issues too of course but they're pretty cool

[solradguy]

I hope this isn't too inappropriate a question, but I was wondering if you have any advice when it comes to binders? Like, I know a lot of the minutia, but are there any companies you recommend that make good ones? I'm new to the whole actually-doing-it part and I've found conflicting stuff so I though it was better to ask someone who went through that whole thing already. Tbh I don't know anything about your transition and you might not have even did much of that but you're like the main transguy I know

No worries at all!! I'm really comfortable talking about trans stuff and what I've had to do to get where I am, so if you have any other questions please don't hesitate to toss 'em my way and I'll do my best to help out. The only major trans stuff I haven't done yet are any surgeries and changing my name/legal gender marker (pain in the ass to do in Ohio....).

I got kinda lucky and don't really have much boob tissue going on so I don't bind very often, but I do have two GC2B binders: a full tank and a half one. The full one is a lot more comfortable, imo, because I can tuck it into my pants and it kinda like smooths my entire situation out instead of squishing just my upper body and chafing under my ribcage lol. Unfortunately, GC2B's binder quality has dropped BAD in the last 5 years or so. If you can get one for free or dirt cheap then it might be worth it, but otherwise I'd avoid them.

One of my other trans masc buddies has some binders from Underworks that he really likes. He used to have one of the GC2B ones and it got a huge hole right in the middle of it after less than a year... As far as I know, his Underworks ones are still holding up and it's been over two years now. He did say that they were pretty stiff when they first came in and that washing them with just a tiny bit of fabric softener helped. Be careful using too much fabric softener on them though or they'll loosen up maybe too far. Here's their site: https://www.underworks.com/tri-top-chest-binder

I've seen people say Shapeshifter's binders are good too, though I don't personally know anyone who has one by them. They're a lot more expensive than the Underworks binders.... Here's their site: https://shapeshifters.co/

Make sure you read the sizing charts!!! The very first binder I ever bought was WAAAAYYYYY too small because I didn't read the chart very well... I've found that following the chart and then going up one or two sizes fits the best, depending on how big your chest is/how much compression you'll need.

Here's a big spreadsheet document of a lot of other trans resources with comments on specific things for each site too, like where they're based, shipping details (if the packaging is discrete or not, etc), if they're a charity, and so on. There are other binder websites listed and sites for other gender affirming clothing and packers and stuff too: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1lSKoxVant40alYL-MZAP9QekUxjl3mH2EB3MidSk0b8/edit#gid=0

There's also this post with even more resources, but it might be a bit overwhelming going through it all right now haha Including it anyway just in case: https://solradguy.tumblr.com/post/719033735814742016

Good luck!! I hope you're able to find one that both fits and is comfortable to wear for long periods ^^

[smiggles]

Your top surgery scars are honestly goals. Do you have any advice for healing them so well?

I used scar tape pretty regularly (you can get it cheap online, the doc provided some for me but it was too expensive lol) I didnt bring my arms above my breast region until I was instructed I was allowed to, and even then I kept it minimal to avoid stretch marks Cocoa butter/moisturizing, not picking at scabbing, et cetera I have come to realize however that my results are not common. It is more common to have reddened and thick scaring Be sure to look at your surgeons after images of patients Mine provided immediate post op and 1 year after post op photos

[sharpth1ng]

I really like your idea on em both being rich kids lol, very interesting bc to me personally Billy is actually pretty poor. idk I mean I know we don’t see Tatum’s house or Randy’s either but the fact we never see a single thing about Billy’s sounds odd to me. Vs Tatum who has her own car and Randy with his odd collection of colorful (probably expensive) shoes.

there’s also the fact he’s on his dad’s income only who, from the real brief looks we got at him and the fact he slept with the town’s most likely ‘wellknown’ prostitute if that makes any sense, feels like some sleazy, struggling lawyer type.

I know in lore or whatever (wiki page lol) his dad is described as a powerful Woodsboro lawyer but considering this is the same lore that has Billy getting someone pregnant and can’t even decide the ages of the main cast I’m looking at in-movie evidence instead.

the only thing that kinda tips it to him being richer imo is the mobile phone he drops, or more precisely his dad’s phone - but even then it’s again his dad’s and not his own one. his dad who likely would need it as a work expense, but can’t afford to buy his son one and doesn’t care to.

anyway that’s my entire crackpot theory (I have even more but I wanted to spare your ask box from this already long thing) just to say that I really like your take on him being richer too

Hey thanks! My own personal theory dump below:

I've seen a lot of takes with poorer Billy. Tbh I think based on what we see in the movie it can go either way, we just don't really have the info. Also, not to nitpick, but we do see Tatums house, that's where Sid sleeps over after Billy gets arrested and there's also a breakfast scene there in the morning.

To me, Randy is actually probably the least wealthy member of the group, he's the only one that we know has a job, and the shoe brands (mostly hush puppies) he's wearing mostly wouldn't have been super expensive.

In my opinion we don't see much of Billy's home life because we don't see much of the real Billy at all until the reveal at the end. We only see as much of Stu's as we do because the finale takes place in his house, and imo more of Billy's home life would have made him more obvious. I have to imagine his room is full of horror merch lmao.

Honestly I don't really read Hank the same way as you do though. Maureen isn't a prostitute (not that theres anything wrong with sex work), she's a housewife with an extremely wealthy husband (aside from Stu's house Sid's seems like the biggest), so I don't really feel like the affair says anything about relative wealth.

In terms of the lore, tbh I don't actually think it's totally out of character for Billy to get a random girl pregnant. I chose not to do this in Debaser because I've decided to not make Sam canon in my own work, but I could totally see him deciding he needed to "practice" with some girl before Sid. I think he probably hooked up with her at a party, had a mediocre time, and never spoke to her again because he's an asshole. Not at all joking this seems fully in character for me.

My personal hc is that Nancy was a housewife, so Hank would have been carrying the family on a single income anyways. Even if we assume that she was working before and they lost that income, then they would have only been on a lower income for a little over a year, so I don't really see that as the makings of a poor Billy.

Also, we know from scream 2 that Nancy had enough money to get major plastic surgeries (enough that she was unrecognizable to Sid) and also paid for Mickey's tuition, so that's going to be hundreds of thousands of dollars. On top of that she's not working during the events of scream 2, she's doing the fake reporter thing. Based on that Nancy Loomis is either a rich girl by birth, someone who had an extremely high paying job before, or she got a lot of money in the divorce, which would require Hank to have had a lot of money to give.

In terms of the cell phone thing- cells weren't super common for teens to have in the 90's, as far as I can tell one of the first movies that shows teens having cell phones is clueless, which came out in 1995, so it doesn't necessarily say much to me that Billy doesn't have his own in the movie.

In terms of Hank, when we see him he's wearing a nice suit, it's up to date with trends in 96', meaning he's got enough money to be staying up to date with his wardrobe and suits aren't cheap. Other wardrobe hints include Billy's white shirt being Calvin Klein, not a cheap brand for a plain white shirt. If Billy is less wealthy he's more likely to be wearing Hanes. At the very least I, a relatively poor person, am buying the cheapest white shirts I can. I get that shit in a five pack from walmart, I don't have the expendable income to spend over 50$ for a single shirt.

All of this is to say that at least for me it doesn't make a lot of sense for Billy to be poor, especially with what we know about his mom in movie 2. But thats not why I chose to make him rich.

Why Sharp chose to make Billy a rich kid:

So i've seen a number of takes where Billy is poor and Hank is extremely abusive, and that was something I wanted to avoid. In some cases this can feel to me like the poverty and physical abuse is meant to explain his behaviour and that feels a little oversimplified. I specifically chose to make Hank neglectful, judgmental and argumentative (emotionally abusive) but not physically abusive. It doesn't always take more than that to fuck someone up, and I also wanted Billy's rage to come from somewhere else, to be a little less obviously justified. His life isn't easy, but he still has privilege.

In terms of the wealth issue, Billy's character reads more as an entitled rich kid to me. He's out of touch with the emotional stakes of the things he's doing and beyond that he's got the time and energy to plan and carry out a murder spree like this.

I personally chose to write Billy as someone who doesn't experience a lot of consequences for his actions because his dad can pay them away, which he does because Billy has an effect on his professional image as a lawyer. This was particularly important for my trans Billy storyline, because the money would be necessary both to access black market hormones (would have been near impossible to get them prescribed at the time) and also because Hank would have needed to bribe the cops and the hospital to keep quiet so Billy wouldn't be outed.

Aside from that though I just think the rich boy no consequences thing plays well into how unafraid he is about what he's doing and how casually he does it. All of this is just my take though! There are lots of ways to read the movie and I made character choices about him so that they fit into the narrative I'm crafting, doesn't need to work for anyone else.

I always enjoy chatting movie theories!

[possibilistfanfiction]

Hi, may you please spare some advice on what casual, but also cool in a hot climate, clothing a baby butch could look into wearing that’s a bit fashionable and isn’t just a shirt and a cargo shorts?

whew first of all donate any & all cargo shorts immediately (pretend tan france is telling you that Urgently). i do understand finding shorts can be kind of weird depending on ur body shape bc men’s shorts are often bulky & long. i prefer a 5’ inseam, but you can go for a 7’ if that feels better. under No circumstances should ur shorts hit ur knees lol. madewell has some pretty good options (if you can find one that’s mens & womens in-store that’s the best). pacsun usually has some pretty chill options. for online shopping, bearbottom shorts is not too expensive & has a lot of colors in both 5’ & 7’ shorts. i really like the swim shorts both& just made (not sure if they’re sold out). get lighter colors in the summer if you want for shorts, & just… no khaki.

& i love a t-shirt, but it’s in how it’s worn. i don’t think it even needs to be an interesting t-shirt, but it should have a fit & pov that looks intentional. i like to get my t-shirts a size up & tuck them in, sometimes pair them with an overshirt. if i know i’m going to be SWEATING & i want to wear a tshirt, i’ll wear something looser & actually thicker cotton in either black or white. i’ve had top surgery so i can wear tanks without stress but if binding is a concern, both& has some great tanks for ppl who bind.

if you do want to be more dressed up than a short/t-shirt combo, the answer is & will always be linen. a short sleeved linen button up (from really anywhere you like that fits well — uniqlo has both men’s & women’s in many earthtones for under $50!) is The Key. put it on as an overshirt over your t-shirt or wear it buttoned halfway in a french tuck. i prefer to stay away from patterns & bright colors bc it can easily look a little zany, but do your thing there. i have a few pairs of linen pants i also love, especially for things like taking my wife on a date, or if it’s just a cool day/nighttime activity etc. literally just… linen button ups & linen pants, even drawstring pants! if you wanna ball out, theory makes my favorite linen pants, but oak + fort is a close second & much more affordable. everlane also has all of these pieces in mens & womens & is very high quality!

idk ur shoe situation but two great options are always birkenstocks (the rubber ones are under $50 & v comfortable) and/or all white low air force 1s. a good all white sneaker is a great starter sneaker & will always go with everything. i myself prefer dunk lows but u gotta rly be wanting to invest in some sneakers to do that lmao but if you are! they’re cool

lastly, small accessories go a long way! i have a few chains, a small hoop earring, a ring (& my wedding ring but lol i don’t think we can count that as an accessory), & then sunglasses i love. i have a Beautiful watch from my wife but literally just a watch w a normal watch face & a leather band is better than nothing or wearing a smart watch out when there’s quite literally no need lol. a good baseball cap, either plain black or from a cool brand (mine for this summer is aime leon dore) is both a nice addition & also practical. do not & i mean Do Not carry around a backpack unless u Absolutely have to lol. masc cross body bags or canvas totes are much better if u need a bag

also:

- you can find tons of overshirts thrifting or at outlets! since they don’t have to fit perfectly it can be a great place to look for them

- i live & die by a good pair of light wash denim in the summer. allsaints & madewell always have beautiful denim, but you can look at levi’s as well, or thrift!

- tailoring is not expensive!!!!!!!!! if u find pants u love that are too long, just get them hemmed! fr it’s like $10, everyone needs a good tailor

- never underestimate a good sweatshort/t-shirt/overshirt/birks moment to go get a cup of coffee or something… 10/10

- i have definitely not been in a place financially to do this in the past, so pls take this w a grain of salt & of course do what’s best for your budget, but higher quality, simple fabrics ethically made are ALWAYS going to be best. they’ll last longer & keep their fit. launder ur clothes carefully too! hang drying pants & heavy cotton will get their lifespan to extend. & it’s 100% cool to find brands u love & stick to them. if u find a piece u like, u can get it in a few colors, rather than trying to find a bunch of other stuff. quality > quantity, capsule wardrobes are easier to wear & maintain

- some ppl whose fashion i like rn: courtney williams, arike ogunbowale, shanice van de sanden. & sue bird knows how to wear a short/button up summer set with the best of them. kristen kish Obviously. (& also i love mal from the queer ultimatum lmfaoooo)

- wear whatever u want, just not cargo shorts :)

[fishy-stitching]

Hi! I love ur fish patches, they're awesome!! Do you sell them?

Also, I was wondering what stitch you used around the edges. Is it blanket stitch? Thank uuu🐟

thank you! i’m always glad to hear that my little fish spark joy in other people too. i do use blanket stitch for the borders, and it took an embarrassingly long time to realize that it’s so much easier on my hands to do the border before cutting the fish out.

i’ve actually been meaning to gauge interest about selling my fish. since i don’t want to undervalue my labor and time, they would be pretty expensive — generally around $100, and they’re only a couple inches. but i am saving up for top surgery, so any money is helpful lol.

[ryegarden]

are you ever going to stock ur etsy with the amount of stuff you have on redbubble? (1. sorry if it usually is stocked like that, i just checked it out for the first time bcs of ur recent post 2. totally understandable if u get more profits from redbubble bcs of some cuts shenanigans idk abt 3. asking specifically bcs i rly want a poster (im confused abt posters on etsy- does that website count them as large prints?) of 'kisses upon kisses upon kisses!!!!', but the shipping is more than twice what it is on redbubble, and since id probs buy other stuff bcs i Love Art, it would rack up the shipping to insanity 4. hope this ask isn't too convoluted and that i've not come across as rude or morgana knows what negative thing, and thanks in advance if you answer!)

Absolutely never lol :') Even if art becomes the only thing I do with my time, my Etsy will never have the amount of stuff my redbubble has. A lot of people don't know this I've found - the reason is that redbubble is a print on demand site, so I put my art on there and then can basically ignore it forever and get a percentage of the sales, whereas Etsy is run by me, personally, so I create the items, make the listings, and print and pack and send everything all by myself. I hope that makes sense!

Kisses upon kisses upon kisses, as well as my other art, will probably never be available as a poster on my Etsy, because it makes shipping a nightmare for me - I'd have to send posters in a tube, but then if someone buys other items I have to send them separately, and tubes are super expensive to ship overseas, it's a whole thing.

All that said, I'm usually happy (so long as I'm asked first!!) to give you permission to print it out as a poster yourself. A bit of cash my way (into my Kofi or top surgery fund for example) doesn't go amiss, but even if you don't ask or pay.. it's not like I would know is it? Just so long as it's personal use.

[kolbietheaggrievedwriter]

misc excerpts 1/?

Category: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Title: n/a

Summary: SI/OC!Dino is fucking stoked about the new body and the new employment opportunity. A Mafia Boss is undoubtedly an upgrade from a slew of shitty minimum wage jobs, after all.

Warnings: Vulgar language lol

-

It starts the way all these things start. He dies, and he comes face to face with what can only be a god.

It peers at him with a million eyes and also none, shapeless like the void and visibly larger than life. A thousand mouths speak in a thousand voices that echo within the cavernous nothingness while a single voice whispers inside his head, "I have a task for you. In return, I will grant a wish."

"As long as you give me a dick," he says, seriously and without hesitation, "I will do anything you ask of me."

"Very good," it rumbles in pleasure but not surprise. "It shall be done."

That's how he finds himself lying in the dirt in a forest like ten minutes after his unfortunate and untimely death in another world, very much alive and with a mission to complete.

The first thing he checks is whether the god kept its word, and to his utter delight, he finds that it has. He runs a hand over the smooth expanse of his chest beneath his shirt and grins stupidly at the new addition between his legs. Euphoria can't even begin to describe the way he's feeling. Surgery hadn't been an option before, being both too expensive and impossible to hide. He had never told anyone about his real gender and had never planned to. Indeed, in the end, he had died without anyone having ever known.

Who cares, though? He just got an entirely new body without having to be cut up or wait months for visible changes. Sure, he has to follow the will of some unfathomable higher being, but he doesn't give a fuck! That godlike entity has become his new best friend. He'll be a devout worshipper for the rest of his life. He'll complete his mission happily and without a word of complaint!

Then, the memories hit, and he groans, clutching his head and feeling like he's experiencing the consequences of having the most wild night of his life.

His name is Dino, and he's a depressed loser. If the entity that had sent him here is to be believed (and Dino is inclined to believe that it is; it's 1 for 1, baby), then some infant hitman is eventually going to show up and whip him into shape. He's apparently going to be a mafia boss, which.

Well it's not a career path he was expecting, he can tell you that much. But it is what it is. Dino's lived paycheck to paycheck before and struggled to get hired anywhere with a better pay for years. He's not about to turn his nose up at an employment opportunity when it's landed right in his lap.

Besides, if you ignore the criminal aspect of it, it's basically like he's the CEO of his own company! Or rather, since he's inheriting it from his dad, he's now become one of the trust fund kids he'd always envied and resented. No more unpaid internships or bosses forcing him to do their work and then taking credit for it. He hasn't so much climbed to the top as had it lovingly hand-wrapped and handed over to him. Alright, he's convinced himself! This is gonna be awesome!

Dino's mission is to stick to the plot. Apparently, the original begged off of doing this, so there was an opening, and the new and improved Dino slid right in.

[beastlybardou]

What’s it like being trans in Texas? And do you plan to get top and bottom surgery if that’s not too invasive

Simply put? It sucks.

It really sucks knowing that the majority of people that live in your state think that you're sick, or a predator, and that you don't deserve to exist. My home town is actually holding a pride parade later today (for some reason pride is in September in my town), and its shaping up to be the most hostile one yet. People have been tearing down the pride flags set up around town, running them over in the streets and replacing them with confederate and nazi flags. The town church has been preaching hellfire and brimstone, and businesses with pride stickers on their doors have been getting harassed. Frankly I'm pretty worried about violence breaking out at this parade. I'll be bringing self defense and first aid just in case.

On the brighter side though, when we are surrounded by so much hate, we build a lot of community. When you find a queer safe place here it is a transcendent experience and the bonds are so strong. I don't know where I would be without my queer friend group all through high school and into college too, or without the queer peer support centers that helped me get my T for free and have been working with me to get a legal name and sex marker change.

As for surgery plans, I do intend to get top surgery! Hopefully within the next year or two if I can manage it. My chest causes a lot of dysphoria for me and I'm really tired of wearing binders, especially in Texas heat, but not wearing one makes me visibly trans which is risky for the reasons mentioned above lol. So surgery would make things a lot easier. As for bottom surgery, I'm not currently planning on doing that. Our current surgeries aren't able to give me the kind of genitalia that matches my identity, so I don't think it would do much for my dysphoria, and its such a long and expensive process. Sex is the main time I struggle with genital dysphoria and thats almost entirely been eliminated by not receiving vaginal penetration and using strap-ons that match what I think I should have down there.

[vodika-vibes]

Find Yourself part 1

So. I had an idea, and I decided to write it. I'm not 100% sure how this is going to end, since I don't plan anything in my life, but that's okay. I tried to proof read this since some parts were written in present and some were written in past tense, but I doubt I caught it all, lol.

tagging: @starrrgazingbunny and @kiss-anon

The Clone Wars changed a lot of things in the Galaxy.

There was the obvious one, of course. The genocide of the Jedi, and the overthrow of the Republic into an Empire. Something that affected the life and livelihoods of millions of people across the galaxy.

But there were also smaller changes.

On Naboo, people suddenly realized that they could make it so their ruler had identical decoys. They considered, for a time, cloning potential rulers, but quickly ruled it out as far too expensive.

And then someone mentioned that Genetic modifications existed, and that it was a relatively safe procedure. Not to mention surgical modifications. And with Bacta therapy, the young decoys wouldn’t even have any scars to show that they had been altered in any way.

The theory was bounced around for over a year, and then it was signed into law.

Due to the young age of the Queen, or King, of Naboo, training began young. Which meant the selection process began even earlier. Potential sovereigns were interviewed and selected and sent to diplomatic training. And, at the same time, families across Naboo would be approached by members of the Royal Household. 

Families were offered massive monetary compensation if they signed their child over to the Decoy Program. They were also promised that if the potential sovereign wasn’t elected, the child would be returned to them, slightly altered, but still their child.

No one ever denied them.

Handmaiden Ceté had been one such child, once upon a time. Chosen due to the fact that she had the same fair skin-tone as the Queen Elect, as well as the fact that the Queen Elect knew Ceté, she was the first Handmaiden chosen.

The first to go through the genetic manipulation to change her hair and eye colors. The first to undergo the surgeries to make sure that she remained as dainty as the Queen Elect.

The first to lose her name and identity as a Nubian citizen.

The first Fragment of Eté.

And now, almost 20 years later, Ceté had nothing that made her any different from her sisters. She ate what the Queen ate. Spoke like the Queen. Styled her hair and wore her clothes like the Queen.

She had no individual likes or dislikes, as they weren’t allowed. She had no hobbies that weren’t the Queen’s first. She was a fragment of Eté. It was just how it was.

She wasn’t happy. Or content. But neither were her sisters, so her guess was that this was just a way of life.

Oh, but if she had a choice, Ceté would wear shorts and tank-tops and cut her hair to her chin and dye it pink or blue or green or-. She would dance and laugh and sing and explore the stars. She would wear pinks and yellows and both at the same time. She would lay under a tree for hours, lazily whittling the hours away by watching the clouds. She would dance in the rain and jump in mud-puddles.

If she had a choice, she would choose to be happy.

But her right to have a choice was taken when she was four years old.

“What do you think the Queen has decided?” Jordé asked Ceté as they stood at the side of the room, watching as the Queen prepared for her speech.

“Something awful, I’m sure.” Ceté murmured back with an unamused smile, “Like every other decision she’s made.”

“They haven’t all been bad.” Jordé tried to defend, “I mean…she made the child services system-” She trailed off, “The food drive for widows-” She trailed off again, “What about-...hm…”

“Like I said,” Ceté replied dryly.

“We have a strong military now.” Jordé said weakly.

“A military made up of the children who she shunted into the care system,” Ceté countered under her breath, “Not exactly paragons of Nubian Loyalty, sister.”

Her sister hummed her agreement, “Well, maybe this will be a good announcement.” She murmured, straightening as their other sisters and the Queen finished what they were working on and approached them.

Eté seemed to look through Ceté and Jordé, something that she’s been doing for almost 20 years now, “How are things looking outside?” She asked.

Ceté bowed her head respectfully, “The people have gathered for your speech, your majesty. Everything is prepared for you to begin your speech at the top of the hour.”

The Queen nodded, once, “And the weather?”

“Sunny and humid, Majesty.” Jordé answered promptly, “We have made arrangements to ensure that the podium where you will be giving your speech is shaded with an appropriate cover. There is a chance of rain later this afternoon.”

“Nothing that will interrupt my speech?” The Queen asked.

“No, your Majesty.”

“Good.” She brushed past them without so much as a second glance. Jordé and Ceté waited until their sisters slipped past them as well, and then they fell in line at the end of the procession.

Hopefully the speech would be something warm and uplifting.

It wasn’t.

Ceté kept her face carefully placid, something that long years of experience helped her with, as she listened to the people of Theeds cheer over her Queen’s words. 

She tried to ignore the disgust coiling in her gut, but that was much harder for her to ignore.

How could they agree to this?

The Gungan people were, are, the native people to Naboo! The Republic named them sentients ages ago. Queen Amidala III did not have the authority to overturn that-

Ceté took a steadying breath and gratefully accepted the cool drink that one of the servants offered her.

Her sisters were acting like all was well, hell, even Jordé had looked pleased with the Queen’s announcement that she was beginning a military campaign to exterminate the Gungan people.

Ceté’s grip around her cup tightened, and then she carefully loosened her grip and took a sip of something cool and sweet. A juice made from a fruit harvested here on Naboo. It was the Queen’s favorite, and so it was Ceté’s favorite.

Ceté had put up with a lot in the name of being one of Queen Amidala’s fragments. Years of training, genetic and physical alterations, not having a past or a family, or even a future that wasn’t tied to the woman her parents bound her to.

But this-

She couldn’t accept this.

Wouldn’t accept this.

If no one on Naboo would help her, and, judging by some of the comments she was hearing, none of them would, then she would find help for the Gungan people elsewhere.

Reaching out to the Gungan people themselves was out of the question. As one of the Queen’s fragments, they would likely just kill her on sight. And Ceté couldn’t blame them.

No. She would have to look elsewhere.

She wasn’t sure where, just yet.

But she had always been adaptable, years of training had ensured that.

Ceté leaned against a wall, and sipped her drink, her face calm, even as she started building an escape plan in the back of her mind.

A ship would be leaving Theeds the following morning, heading towards Outland Station, a space station that acted as a hub for spacers, bounty hunters, and pirates.

Ceté would be on that ship, whether anyone liked it or not.

*****************

Kix looked up from where he was doing inventory in his med-bay when the door slid open, and one of the pirates he worked with bounded in with a wide grin on their face.

He didn’t remember their name, he didn’t care enough to remember.

“Hey Doc!”

It was valid since they didn’t bother to remember his name.

“We’re about to be rich!”

Kix turned back to his inventory, “Is that right.” He didn’t care. Doesn’t care.

Apparently the interloper in his med-bay didn’t get the memo, as they plopped themselves on a medical bed, and leaned in towards him, as if to gossip. “Yup, Boss captured one of the handmaidens of the Queen of Naboo. We’re going to ransom her back to them for a massive amount of credits.”

Kix stilled, a lifetime of memories flashing through his mind. He shook off the melancholy as best as he could, and pinned the pirate with an annoyed look, “Did you hurt her?”

“Eh, she might be a little banged up,” They sounded unconcerned, “Nothing to be worried about.”

Kix stood and grabbed his medical kit, slinging it over his shoulder, “I’ll go and see, just to make sure.” He didn’t trust them to seriously hurt her if it meant that she wouldn’t be able to run.

Plus, there was a little voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like Rex at his Dad-est, telling him that checking on the hostage was the right thing to do. 

He wondered if he would ever stop hearing the ghosts of his brothers. 

“Come on, doc! I said she’s fine!”

“And I remain unconvinced. Where is she?”

The pirate made a disgusted noise, “She’s in one of the holding rooms.” Kix didn’t wait for him to say anything else, he just brushed past him and left the room.

She was pretty. That was the first thing Kix noticed about her. Long black hair tied in a bun, a slender frame, and a stubborn set to her lips. She had bruises on her cheek and temple, ugly bruises that were already turning red.

“Those look painful.” Kix noted, “Would you let me treat them?”

She gazed at him evenly, “Do I have a choice?”

“You always have a choice,” Kix replied.

“Then let me go.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not one of your choices.” He countered as he folded his arms and regarded her curiously. She was remarkably unafraid for someone who had been captured by pirates. “Your options, from me, are letting me treat your injuries, or not letting me treat your injuries.”

Her lips pursed, and her gaze darted around the cell, likely looking for a possible escape.

“Look, the Captain is already reaching out to Naboo.”

That got a reaction. She jerked as though he just slapped her, and all of the color drained from her face, Kix had never actually seen that happen before, though he knew it was possible.

Kix regarded her through half-lidded eyes. Her face was ashen, and her gaze was suddenly darting left and right, as though looking for an escape. And then her gaze met his, and something deadly calm crossed her features. "Once your Queen pays your ransom," Kix said quietly, (Stars how low has he fallen?) "You'll be returned to Naboo, unharmed." 

She lifted her chin, and for a moment, Kix saw a hint of Senator Amidala in her bearing, which made sense, he figured. "My Queen will never pay ransom for one of her shards. And if she did, my life would be forfeit the moment I stepped foot on Nubian soil."

"Shards?" 

"I am a decoy. Nothing more than a fragment of Her Majesty. Fleeing as I did is tantamount to treason. If you return me, you return me to my death."

Something cold ran down Kix’s spine.

He was no Jedi. He had no way to determine if someone spoke the truth or not, but he did know people. He knew how people reacted when they were afraid, and she was terrified.

“Why?” Kix asked, he needed to know. Needed to understand. Naboo was a peaceful planet, or it was during the Clone Wars-

“My Queen has ordered the extermination of the Gungan people.” Her voice was quiet, and her hands, clasped over her stomach, were shaking, “I cannot, will not, allow it to happen. So I’m looking for help.”

She wasn’t lying, Kix realized with a sinking heart.

“Let me go, or a lot of people are going to die.”

Kix stared at her, his mind racing. And then he made a split second decision. “Alright. But I’m coming with you?”

Something cold crossed her face, “Why, so you can get your own ransom?”

He scoffed, and unlocked her cell, “Just because the GAR doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t mean that I’m not still a part of it.”

She blinked at him, startled, “You’re a Clone?” She asked, shock crossing her face. Likely doing the math and realizing that he should probably be dead.

“The last one,” Kix replied with a humorless smile.

She stepped out of the cell, she was tiny, the top of her head level with his shoulder, maybe it was a Nubian thing. “My name is Ceté,” She finally said, “Is there a ship or something?”

“Follow me,”

In the lower part of the pirate ship was a small shuttle, big enough for two people, but only just. “Who does this belong to?” Ceté asked as Kix helped her on board and then climbed up after her.

“The Captain stole the ship from Corsec,” Kix explained as he slipped around her and into the pilot’s seat, “There’s no tracking on it, which makes it good for our escape, but it’s not the best on fuel, so we’re going to want to ditch it somewhere and get a different ship.”

Ceté sank into the copilot’s seat, and absently started helping with the preflight checks, “You have a plan?”

“Not yet,” He glanced at her, and then back at his panel, “Let’s get out of here, and then I’m going to need some information.”

“I’m going to have some questions for you too,” Ceté warned.

Kix released a humorless laugh, “Fair. A question for a question.” There’s silence for a long moment, though it isn’t uncomfortable, as the pair work in tandem to get the shuttle on and off the ship without too much trouble.

They remained silent as Kix pushed them into Hyperdrive, and then he turned and focused his gaze on Ceté, “We’re heading to Takodana, Maz will help us. Or, at least, she won’t hurt us.”

“Alright,” Ceté agreed with a slight incline of her head. “You have questions?”

“Yeah.” Kix paused, likely thinking of all the questions he had, “First, you called yourself a shard. What does that even mean?”

Ceté hesitated for a moment, and then she turned in her chair to look at him, “It’s a long story.” She warned.

“Tell me anyway.”

“Alright.” She leaned back in her seat slightly, “You know how the Sovereign of Naboo has their decoys, five or six young people who take the sovereign's place when they need to be elsewhere, or if they might not be safe.”

“Yes, I’m familiar with the practice.” Kix replied.

“Right, well. The Clone Wars changed things,” Ceté paused, “To be more specific, the Clones changed things. People suddenly realized that they could have exact doubles of their sovereign, rather than just close enough.”

“...you’re a clone-?”

“No. Not like you, at least.” Ceté’s smile is slightly bitter, “Cloning is expensive, you see. Genetic alterations and plastic surgery are much cheaper.”

Kix stared at her, hard, “What did you originally look like?”

“I don’t remember. I was four when my parents got the offer for me to join the Decoy program. I underwent surgery and genetic alterations before I was five. Then they took my name and gave me a more suitable one. And before you ask, I don’t remember my name either.”

Kix stared at her silently for a moment, “That sounds…really fucking familiar. Do you have anything that makes you distinct from your Queen?”

“No. I don’t even know what things I like or don’t like, because I had to be a perfect reflection of my Queen.”

“...I never thought I would ever think this, but you somehow had it worse than me and my brothers,” Kix said flatly, completely unimpressed with Naboo. “At least I was able to pick my own hairstyle, and my own name, and how to decorate my armor.”

He drummed a rhythm on the armor covering his thigh, and then he stood, “Do you want a haircut?”

Ceté blinked at him in surprise, “I don’t…I never thought about it.” She stood as well and followed him out of the cockpit.

“It’s just hair, it’ll grow back if you don’t like it.” Kix pointed out as he dug through his kit and pulled out a pair of scissors.

Ceté stared at the scissors for a moment, and then she hesitated, “Maybe…” She gestured to her shoulders, “Shoulder length hair?”

Kix grinned, “Excellent. Have a seat and I’ll get you all sorted.”

Ceté sat on an open chair and Kix stood behind her, carefully cutting her hair to the length that she wanted. His mind was racing. A non-clone Clone. Someone who never had any choice in her life, rather like him, only worse since she existed for a single person.

Kix’s gaze focused on the back of her head. He needed to protect her. She deserved to be protected.

She also deserved to have a choice in her life, maybe he could help her find herself while helping her save the Gungan people.

Maybe she would be able to help him become him again.

Long hair fell to the floor around his feet as he cut her hair, and a small grin crossed Kix’s face. For the first time in, what felt like, forever. He no longer felt haunted by the ghosts of his brothers. 

Yes. This would lead to good things. He was sure of it.

[ustalav]

Unsure if these will all be helpful wrt your business casual clothes post since our body types may be different but here's some general clothing recs from a fellow business casual wearing (at work) person!:

If you can get away with it, black or patterned straight leg jeans are good. I find they hide some of the hips area pretty well

Mayakern, while expensive, is an indie brand that's made by and for plus sized people and they've made some shirts which have clasps hidden in the boob area to prevent gapping!

To that end, pre top surgery I used to sew hidden clasps into my shirts in that area to prevent gapping and if you have sewing skills it's a super easy hand sewing fix

Layering is your friend. Everyone says this but I am so serious it is your friend forever. I find sweater vests and vest style stuff is good at obscuring curves at the waist and keeping a masc aesthetic to it

I was gonna reply to the post and say this but replies are disabled, so I'm sending it via ask. Hope I'm not Being Weird n you can ignore this if u want :]

Ahhh thank you this is good to know and I will post it for others to see!! I’m not plus size personally (more around a straight size large) but I struggle finding shirts that fit without accentuating my chest or being too tight/too loose. That company looks like a good starting place to look though, they have a ton of size options (XS-6XL for ppl reading and curious lol)

Now that I live somewhere cooler I definitely might just take advantage of layering a sweater over a button up though! Then overall fit isn’t as important.

[raymend]

Unironically its insane that there was "if you dont wear your binder at all opportunities youre not really transmasc" discourse. like i dont even know how to describe how crazy and invasive that is to make assumptions based off of ones' willingness to put themselves through pain especially when like .. There's diminishing returns if you have a larger chest like some people do not consider it worth it especially when it IS relatively expensive AND painful

like also too how that happened literally alongside the weird ass misinformation campaign of like how you supposedly could ruin your chances to get top surgery from binding too much ... its literally so vile how absolutely toxic these communities were for kids trying to find their identity and how hopeless and dark they made it seem.

like i cant help but get mad at the adults who popularized this narrative and the isolation this kind of thinking created. its so messed up to tell that to 13 year olds figuring shit out for the first time who are already often extremely vulnerable and depressed its like. Okay so youre telling a depressed teenager that life doesnt get better and that you only deserve to transition is youre in horrific agonizing dysphoria 24/7.... like i dont know how you do that and be liek Ahaha look at me one of the good ones....

i also think too like back to the isolation piece.. when you are jumping down the throat of other trans people in a weak effort to be the most normal and valid and socially acceptable "one of the good ones" people obviously you cant empathize with people with different experiences from you... which in turn would have caused you to realize whats wrong with this kind of thinking in the first place.

idk. ive been thinking a lot about it recently because i feel like it still has its tendrils in me in terms of how i approach gender nonconformity + how like ashamed i used to feel for wanting to dress feminine sometimes lol now that im around trans people that are normal about this stuff BECAUSE they didnt absorb it im like Wow this did really bad stuff to my brain at a really tender time in my development and absolutely wrecked the friendships i had at the time with other trans people LOL

i think it's easy to look at it as an online discourse of yesteryear instead of like a genuinely harmful ideology that veryyyy much went along with other right wing/alt right rabbit hole shit. its really bad + the way that some people talk about it its clear to see that they don't see the genuine harm it caused/causes like. Guys i dont think this was a quirky phase i think you need to actually deconstruct your preconceived notions of the gender binary and abandon your obsession with optics in order to be normal about this for real

[angelbl-00-d]

7/15/24 (limit 1,000)

Breakfast:

Roll (133)

Lunch:

Egg (70), egg white (25), cherries (125)

Dinner:

Skipped

Snacks:

Strawberry halo top (270), cheez its (150), animal crackers (120), sliced peach (110)

Drinks:

Coffee (5)

Water: 77oz/2.27L

Total: 1,008

Not my greatest day :( i got sent home from work early, then i had an apartment tour, which didn't go amazing, then i spent hours looking at all the apartments i can't afford. I made the mistake of just mindless snacking while i searched and now i feel like crap all around. And then i couldn't even work out because my hot water is out so i can't shower after. I had to make the decision to cancel the physical therapy i was supposed to start next week because i can't afford it, and then i canceled the appointment i had with the ortho surgeon who prescribed it to me because I'm too embarrassed to tell him i can't afford it. I don't want him to hit me with the "but you want surgery instead which is also expensive" even though I suspect insurance is more likely to cover those costs but instead I'm just not going to do it at all lol. Everything can just get worse i guess

[aleariel]

how come such a long engagement if you don't mind sharing? been a fan for years, glad to know you're happy

Weddings are really expensive and I wanted to wait until I've had top surgery before we get married, that's expensive too so we're saving up. I was also holding myself back from proposing sooner, I told her I'd make her wait at least two years, and I was true to my word lol. That's awesome that you enjoy my content, I hope to be posting more in the near future, thank you. I really am happy 😊