#totally didnt think of it one night where i woke up from a nap and was like “thats fucking genius”

[r0yalgrimmartz]

💎💛✨️💛💎

Ngl I like to think during season 2 of GX, where the entire school goes to Domino City, I imagine Kore and the other girlies just say "fuck it we need a break from this shit and cults, let's all go shopping >:3". Like I don't mean stereotypical clothes shopping, I mean yeah they also do that, but I just imagine my girlies going into so many random stores, probably also buying some dumb shit (hence why Kore now has like three mini cactuses on her desk), and just go roam around Domino City while also eating a lot of food and buying a lot of bubble tea. Hanae's suggestion about the bubble tea.

[CUT TEXT CAUSE I RAMBLE]

Hanae would be wanting to get food and drinks, along with Kore, but Kore also wants to check out the really random and silly figures in a certain store, plus just a lot of dumb shit (also buys a lot of silly cat figures). Cytherea and Miyu being babysitters of those two gremlins at this point, but they decide to do some clothes shopping and fashion seeing. I think Cytherea would just go off on her own at this point like "fuck these losers" and Miyu is looking for the latest book in a book series she's been heavily into (fantasy nerd). Probably ends up bumping into Bastion and is super confused as to why he's carrying an old man on his back.

My other two idiots Riley and Ilya...Ilya just feeding birds and enjoying the scenery and being a calm sweet lil boy when his other evil half ISN'T tryna plot on killing the girlies and the rest of the cast but...probably is plotting it. Riley just...went to the movies to see the latest new movie in some movie franchise he's into. Probably also went to also get a mini cactus. And thus now you see how tf Kore and Riley are related. Both stupid as fuck. Also Riley probably got police chasing after him for some dumb shit he's probably just done.

By the end of the episode when they all have to return to Duel Academy, Ilya is calm af and probably bought a little charm thing he found quite cute. The girlies rocking up with a shit ton of bags, Kore also having accidentally set fire to one of the stores so she's rushing to get back on the bus. Riley also following behind and racing back on the bus as police are still looking for him. Other than that they were oblivious to the shit that was going on during the whole time with Jaden and all that.

[purplecraze]

Beauty and the Beast AU 6

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:13 PM

From one of the windows in the library, he could see that not all vegetation outside the villa was dead: There was a glass dome outside where he could see plants were growing.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:18 PM

Oh that was interesting!

He sneaked out (not sure why he keept sneaking, probabily habit) and walked toward the glass dome

"Its kinda like a greenhouse.."

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:21 PM

it sure is. and look! the master bedroom has excellent view on it!

someone's sitting on the windowsill, looking lost and not entirely caring if he would accidentally fall down.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:32 PM

Nara at first was more focused on the plants, it was so nice to see such vivid plants in the middle of the winter!

He grabbed a couple of flowers and braided it into a flower crown, giggling to himself, geez, it was so nice there, he could even take a nap...

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:33 PM

maybe you even broke the code and he won't go down here at night?????

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:37 PM

Ehy, he just said 'dont leave the room at night' Nara dosent know any extra rules, and ita still day right? They just had lunch!

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:37 PM

naptime is fine =w= someone's spying on you though

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:38 PM

Nap time then! He got himslef comfy and curled up, soon falling asleep

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:41 PM

and then it was dark :D

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:45 PM

Wooow totally not what i planned oooo

Nara woked up, his back hurted a bit and....

"Shit"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 5:52 PM

well, it's not like the monster will be coming outs-- the monster is also outside;;;;;

But hey, glass, you can actually see it now.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 5:53 PM

"Shit. Shit shit shit!"

He looked around to find a place to hide, yet he wanted to see better what was going on...After all if all the plants here were alive it meant he did got inside often right?

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 6:14 PM

He found a good place to hide between a white clematis and had a view on the outside while doing so.

The monster looked more like a skeleton or a zombie. Its skin was raw and bubbly, a bit resembling to what the melon had turned out to look that afternoon.

Its arms looked like they were both broken, and since he was outside, there was nothing to destroy but the grass it walked on. Its leg seemed in bad shape too, he was hardly standing.

It was panting and whimpering, gritting its teeth. but being outside seemed to make it just a little less destructive.

some cloud blocked the moonlight for a moment, so it was hard to see, but the monster tried to punch into nothing with its broken arm, as if it had a convulsion.

It lost its footing and fell to the ground, too weak to get up. All it could do now was make pitiful noises.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 6:16 PM

Was he gross? Yeah

Was Narancia still sorry for him? Yes again. He knew he coulnt touch him and had to stay hidden but...God he hoped there was a way to fix it, no matter what Fugo did, he sure didnt deserved all of this

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 6:27 PM

there was no further change during the night, just sad moaning that indicated he was still conscious. Though sometimes it seemed like it was less, or more.

At dawn, the abomination seemed to melt away, leaving a broken boy on the grass.

It seems he indeed had some way to restore himself, though it looked like it still was painful. and he left one arm broken for some reason.

He faltered back inside, probably to undo the damage he had caused.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 6:59 PM

At some point in the night Narancia sneaked in his room, noticing that the...thing was too exausted to move and probabily wolunt even notice him.

After a while he finally fell asleep, waking up in the morning.

He sat on the bed and started to think...He needed to find a way to undo whatever cursed happend to Fugo. But first he needed to ask him how

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:04 PM

once he left his room, the bird was waiting for him. But it dispatched the moment it noticed Narancia leaving.

Despite his annoyance from the day before, Fugo was waiting for him once more in the dining hall.

He didn't look very amused.

"You were out last night...."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:05 PM

He looked away

"I was in the green house and i fell asleep and i woke up when it was aready dark..." He murmured

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:11 PM

Fugo sighed annoyed. "If you don't want to die, I'd suggest you'd be more careful💢💢"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:12 PM

"Mh sorry-" He murmured

"Ok but like...Cursed can be reversed right?? Did you found any clue how to??"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:13 PM

He looked off with a frown. "Do you think I'd live like this if I knew how to reverse it?"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:13 PM

"Ehy i said 'any clue' not a whole cure" he pouted

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:17 PM

"The caster can reverse it."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:19 PM

"...And the caster is..?"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:20 PM

He leaned on the hand of the arm he had healed. "Dead."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:21 PM

"...Well shit that sucks" he murmured

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:26 PM

"Indeed....." he sighed. "I gave up looking, there's nothing... I can only control the damage."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:28 PM

"Cmon there must be a way!" He insisted

"Maybe not here b-but i can leave the house! Maybe there is someone outhere that can fix this!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:30 PM

"This isn't your problem. So stay out of it...."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:31 PM

"But i want to help!!" He said looking at him

"Is not fair that you are in pain like this!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:34 PM

"You CAN'T help. And making a fuss about it will only make me feel more miserable." he got up. "Besides, what's it to you? We hardly exchanged 5 sentences and I've single handedly caused you to be driven out of your home. Me letting you stay here is to make up for that, so you shouldn't have to feel any obligation."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 7:49 PM

"So what?" He rolled his eyes

"Stop taking the blame at this point, im the one that stole your stuff and tried to sell it, you could have kicked me out since day one and yet you didnt"

He shrugged

"Im loney and homeless,  you are loney and cursed, so why not try help eachother? And also i cant just stay here watching you being in pain like that- like; who the fuck curses a child??"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 7:59 PM

"No, I didn't. Because you're the first human being I've seen in 3 years!" he got up and slammed his fist on the table. "You've seen the trail of dead animals, haven't you? It's no difference for humans! Frankly, I don't know how long you'll be staying alive, just by being here! Try surviving in those remaining few days first, before you start worrying about someone else!"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 8:03 PM

"Look i survived worst...i Guess, so dont need to worry" He rolled his eyes.

"Whats your big plan, stay here till the day you die??" He crossed his arms

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 8:12 PM

"get off it, you ran as fast as you could after the first night..."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 8:15 PM

He sighed

"Nh...I got scared its true-- But now i talked to you and you dont seems that bad--A-Also you cant stop me from finding a solution as soon im out of this house! Ah!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 8:21 PM

"Fine! Then leave for all I care! Nothing's keeping you here, if that's what you want!" he stepped off briskly, back to his room.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 8:24 PM

"Thats not what i meant, you dumbass!" He yelled back.

He rolled his eyes and took the plates to the kitchen, washing em, he knew he didnt had too but he also needed to chill.

"What a prick..." He murmured between himself.

Now, where he should start? Probabily the library! There must be some magic stuff books right?

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 8:27 PM

oh, plenty of it. and it all looks super complicated.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 8:31 PM

"Fuck..." He sighed, sitting on the floor, a pile of books next to him. What did he expect, found a page named 'curses 101?'

Still, he didnt wanted to give up yet!

He grabbed the more 'basic' book, starting to read if from page one

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 8:33 PM

something fell out. a paper with a silly children drawing. it was difficult to decipher, but it was a blond boy with a dark haired woman.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 8:38 PM

"Oh my god" He wispered softly, he wondered who she was and also...felt sad. How much he said? 3 years? Someone did that to him when he was basically a kid! How could someone did that?

He grabbed the books and went to his room, to avoid of end up like yesterday, and keept reading, even if he didnt really understand

[im-only-joking]

Maybe a piece where you are visiting brocks fam with him and y’all get into a little bit of an argument before bed and the next morning you try to prentend like nothing is going on between you two so his fam doesn’t get involved but as the day goes on he is being a little cold to you and at some point you are in the kitchen hanging with his mom and she explains that she noticed how you guys are being and she tells you that he is just stubborn and he love you and wants to marry you someday and she is happy you are part of the fam...... maybe Brock kinda over hears it and later that night before bed he apologizes and tells you everything his mom said is true

I love me some angst but imma do it with duke telling you brock loves you because.... I love duke boeser 👉👈. Lol

Visiting Brock's family was amazing. Minnesota was really lovely, if colder than you expected, and Brock's parents were lovely. There was just one problem.

Brock was being a total ass.

It was probably just being with his parents that made him a little on edge, but you had no idea why he was being so cold to you since you'd gotten there.

Duke and Laurie were being angels, absolutely wonderful hosts and set you both up in Brock's old room which had been redecorated a bit but still kept old memorabilia. Laurie had been cooking fabulous dinners and Duke had been telling hilarious stories about Brock's childhood, you didnt understand why Brock was being so... Mean.

Paul, Brock's older brother, had visited for a few days and had clearly noticed his energy and had said, "Hoyl shit dude, forget about it" to him as he left, to which you were confused.

All in all confused was the perfect word to describe how you were feeling abiut Brock's behavior.

So. You did as you normally would do, and confronted him, never the shy, passive person.

"Ok, what's up with you?" You asked quietly in Brock's room one day while Brock's parents were out grabbing groceries and you and Brock had planned on a nap.

"Nothing, just tired." Was his response. The same response that you'd recieved every time you'd tried to talk to him.

"Bullshit, B. You've been acting like I don't exist or like I'm nothing to you this entire trip and I'm frustrated because normally you don't treat me like this."

"Im not treating you like nothing, c'mon," Brock huffed.

"Yes you are! You've barely spoken a word to me. Your brother noticed, your parents have noticed, and its gotten weird. I dunno what to say to them. 'Sorry your son's acting like he doesn't even like me, I promise he normally does'?"

Brock rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous. Take a nap."

You bit your tongue to keep from screaming. "Fine. I will. On the couch downstairs. Have a good nap Brock."

You stormed out of the room and curled up on the living room couch, uncaring that you'd likely be woken up by Mr. And Mrs. Boeser later when they got back.

You heard their voices when you woke up, hushed from the kitchen.

"I dunno what's going on with him but he needs some sense knocked into him," Duke was saying.

"I agree," Laurie replied quietly. "I'm gonna grab the rest of the groceries. You talk to her when she wakes up."

You shuffled to the kitchen when you heard the garage door open and close signalling her departure.

"Hey kiddo," Duke smiled at you as he put away vegetables. "I guess you heard us, huh?"

"A little. If it helps, I'm not sure why he's acting this way at all either."

Duke chuckled. "Well lemme tell you this: he really loves you. There's no doubt about that. Every time he talks about you he just lights up like a Christmas tree. I've never seen him like this before. You truly are something special to put that kind of a smile on his face, and if he is treating you like this right now, it's only because he thinks he doesn't deserve you."

You frowned. "Why do you think he'd think that?"

"He doesn't know that he deserves the world, and you, kiddo, are his world. You mean everything to him. He talked to me about marrying you, ya know. Says he wants to get you a ring, but he thinks it's too soon," Duke laughed.

Your throat was tight with emotion and your eyes threaten to spill tears.

"Don't let him being dumb right now make you forget that he loves you," Duke stated.

"He's never told me before," you said quietly. "I mean, he's never said it out loud."

"I do."

You whipped around to the sound of Brock's voice from the staircase.

"I really, really love you," Brock mumbled, eyes watery as he took your hands in his.

Duke quietly left the kitchen to help in the garage and leave you two to it.

"I'm sorry I've never said it before, I should've said it a hundred times by now, because I would've meant it every time."

"I love you, too,"you replied, pressing your forehead against his. "I'm sorry we fought."

"It's my fault, I was just worried. Worried that i wasn't good enough. Dad was right ya know. Always is. He always knows how I'm feeling, and it's true. I feel like I don't deserve you." Brock pulled back to kiss you gently. "But I'll try to be better about expressing how I feel instead of bottling it up."

"Please. Don't shut me out again. I hated feeling like that,"you sighed, curling your hands into Brock's t-shirt. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

[pokeheadcannons97]

Female S/O: *sobbing* "I had a nightmare where you shunned me...". How does Guzma/Piers/Leon/Raihan comfort her? (separatedly, please)

Guzma

You woke him up with the sounds of your soft sobs and shaky breaths. He immediately turned over to face you.

The sight just made his stomach drop, he sat up and gave you a tight hug, pushing you close to him. "What's the matter babydoll? What's got you this upset?"

"I...I dreamed you didn't love me anymore and you sh-shunned me!" You sobbed back, and buried your head in his chest and your sobs got louder.

Guzma had to blink once; twice before he held you tighter. "Babygirl I'd never shun you, or not love you. You got me wrapped around your little finger afterall." He gave you a kiss on your temple. "I love you."

He pulled you close with one arm and the other ran his fingers through your hair. "Let's go back to sleep, yeah? You can cuddle close all night. I'll make sure you have good dreams the rest of the night. "

Piers

Piers was still awake, texting his little sister when he noticed you were tossing and turning and then sprang up to a sitting position.

He immediately dropped his phone and grabbed hold of your arms to steady you. "Y/N! Hey hey its okay!" He shushed you as you wrapped your fists in his shirt.

"What's the matter now love?" He asked quietly, rubbing your back gently and still softly shushing you like a small child.

You sniffed before wiping some tears away. "I... dreamed you shunned me... like I wasn't important to you anymore." You explained.

Piers felt his chest tighten. "Love...I would never do that. I know dreams seem real, but that would never happen." He held your body close to him. "How about we watch some videos of that Zigzagoon page you like?"

You nodded with a small smile on your lips. "I'd like that."

Leon

The former champ was sound asleep, until he felt you squirm in the snug hug he had you in. He opened his eyes groggily to watch tears falling in rapid lines down your cheeks.

He opened his eyes fully now and sat straight up. "Honey, hey!" He frantically shook you awake as you gasped for air and started breathing heavily.

He brushed the hair out of your face, revealing your tear strained eyes. You peered at him and your face scrunched up.

Your hands were at your face now trying to hide from him. "I'm so sorry Lee, I didnt mean to wake you." You tried to say but your voice strained.

Leon shook his head. "Nevermind thet, are you ok?" He asked you firmly, carefully removing your hands from your face. "What kind of dream...nightmare did you have that got you like this?"

You glanced away, then answered. "I dreamt...you didn't love me anymore. Then you completely shunned and ignored me."

Leon immediately grabbed your chin with his much bigger hand and kissed you firmly.

Pulling away he replied. "I would never shun you. You mean the world to me. And I love you more than you realize Y/N."

You kissed him back with just as much love.

Raihan

You were napping with your head on his lap as he scrolled through pokegram. He glanced down to you admiring your calm facial features until they turned into that of distress.

His rotom phone flew in the air and swirled around him as he gently shook you awake.

"Babe! Hey, wake up... you're having a nightmare!" He said with urgency as your e/c eyes slowly opened.

"...Raihan...?" You almost whispered, tears in your eyes.

He ran his fingers through your h/c locks. And gave you a warm embrace. "It's okay Y/N... just breathe. It was only a nightmare."

Your hugged him tightly. "R-Raihan...!" You sobbed loudly, your shoulders bouncing with each cry you let out.

The gym leader put his chin on the top of your head. "I'm here baby...I'm here." He comforted you until your cries got softer, leaving only soft whimpers.

"Now what was that nightmare about? Do you want to talk about it?" He offered.

You pulled away and wiped at your eyes. "I dreamt you shunned me...just totally ignored me out of nowhere. Didn't want to have anything to do with me..." you explained and his blue eyes melted into such a sad expression.

"Y/N... look at me." He said as he grabbed your face and placed his forehead on his.

"I will never abandon you...never shun you. I love you far too much to even think about something like that." He reassured you and leaned down and gave you a soft, much gentler than normal kiss.

"Just lay here with me, okay? This top gym leader will keep those bad dreams at bay for you." He said with the brightest smile

This is just a announcement. I'm gonna limit characters to only 3 from now on, thank you darlings~ hope you enjoyed 🌹

[aal-archaeology]

Summary of my first term of my Ph.D. at Stanford during a global pandemic and an extremely controversial election year (Anthropology, yr. 1, she/they, 25y/o) with some toggl data analysis

Well this year was a doozy if I don’t say so myself. But we survived it, and its okay if that’s all you were able to do this year because that’s enough.  As an offical 18th grader, I feel like I can speak pretty well to the toxicity of the academic environment. There is always a pressure to be working all of the time, people compete with each other with how few hours of sleep they got, every conversation with fellow students is just listing off all of the different assignemnts you have to do by the end of the week. On top of all of this, this is 2020. So, I decided that this year I’m going to give myself some mental slack. 

I decided that this is the year that I’m not going to try to impress anyone. I’m just going to survive and do what I have to do to move onto the next term. I think I did a pretty good job at that for the first term, so I’ll share a bit about what I observed in myself and those in my cohort. Coming into term one having to choose classes, many of my peers were packing their schedules full of 5 Unit seminars. For those who don’t know, theoretically, a 5 Unit course is supposed to take about 5-6 hours of work outside of class hours. For Stanford Anthropology, most PhD students take as close as they can to 18 credits, and anything over that you have to pay extra for the courses. Taking more courses doesn’t really put you any further ahead in terms of completing your degree, and you’re expected to complete about 45 Units each year for the first two years of the program. 

I decided to take 2 seminars (typical), a language course, and a couple filler credits that we are given the option to use if we need 1-3 units to hit 18 total. I,  fortunately, tracked every hour spent outside of the classroom working on each course using toggl (i highly reccomend): 

In a typical week, I spent about 5-6 hours/week outside of class on my Anthro seminars, and about 6-7 hours on Japanese. Japanese was a “for-fun” class so I would usually study more of that when I didn’t feel like reading dense archaeological theory. 

Toggl was a really cool way to see where I was spending too much, or not enough, time on my classwork. If it was taking me more than 1.5 hours to get through a single article, I knew I was probably spending too much time on it and should move on to the next thing. My goal for the term was to stay true to the 5 Unit idea of 5-6 hours, and not over-work myself. 

Toggl was also useful in tracking my mental health throughout the term, as it is very obvious to see when I just was not physically capable of ingesting 400 pages of reading. For example, election week:

Election week was really hard for me, and everyone else in the world honestly. I had various family things I was dealing with, typical existential dread, plus it was week 8-ish of the term when everything was already on fire in terms of workload. For one of my seminars (purple), we had to read a book for the following week which I was able to do the sundar after election day. However, for the days leading up to and surrounding the 4th, the only thing I could mentally handle was mindless Japanese vocab studying. One of my seminars really sufferend this week, and I straight up just didnt show up to the smaller Anth 310G class because I had only read the title of the pdf. Fortunately, I emailed my professor of my Theory class and was like “yo dude I cannot” and he replied that he understood and wouldnt call on me during that day of class. 

I didn’t do a whole lot of journalling at all this term, but for this week I just wrote “pain” on most days and then YAY BIDEN at the end of it. 

Weekly Schedule

Above is what a typical week looked like, some were a lot lot lot more dense, others not so much, but this was pretty average. Not all things on the calendar are work related, some are extra lectures from visiting professors that sounded interesting, or “Free Boba & Snacks Pick Up” put on by my residence. Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday were my big work days last term, where I didn’t have a whole lot of classes so I would do most of my reading then. On Tues and Thurs I had one 3-hour seminar, and M-F I had a 50 min Japanese class. 

I woke up every day around 7am-ish, made a green tea, and sat at the computer to work, filter through emails, etc. On particularily open days I would go grocery shopping, go for bike rides/walks around campus, go buy food/boba. 

On class-heavy days, I wouldn’t leave my computer for 8-12 hours, which is extremely ridiculous but that’s the new norm in school in 2020. This kind of stunk because all of the socializing was also on the computer, so even if I wasn’t working I was doing screen related things. 

EVERY day I stopped working at 6pm. Rarely did I do readings past 6pm unless I was really slacking somewhere. From 6pm onwards I would do things like play Among Us or League of Legends with my discord friends, eat, watch movies with my partner, etc. And then most nights I would try to be in bed by 12am at the latest. 

Social Life

Despite the online nature of things this term, I was suprisingly able to meet a lot of great people on campus. We were all being tested at least once a week, which made in person gatherings with 1-4 people a little less scary, especially when half of the people lived together in one household. 

In the first week of school, some of the grad programs put on a “speed friending” zoom event, where I was able to connect with two people really well. We ended up doing a “slow-friending” zoom event afterwards and then created a FB group chat and added all of the people we had met into it. The group ended up being about 15 people, and we would message the group for park hangouts, going to get food, or going on walks on campus. We also had a huge get together in a park for Mid-Autumn Festival, where we sat in a socially distanced circle, chatted, and ate mooncakes. 

Most of my socializing came from my online friends, and amongus was a huge savior to my mental health this term wher emy group would play literally every night. I also made a really good friend off of Bumble BFF this term, who I’ve hung out with a good amount for plant shopping and board games. 

I’m very fortunate to be in a situation where I can get tested for COVID on a days notice, and very grateful that I could use that to stay a little sane.  My Biggest Accomplishment this term, was not school related. but instead I hit my 365 DAY STREAK on duolingo. This was celebrated with cake. This streak has lived through literal hell and for that I am very proud. 

Overall reflection:

This term was super rough, there were a lot of days where I just napped through it and a lot of days where I couldn’t bring myself to do any work. However, I think the courseload that I took was very manageable and I’m going to continue to go light on myself in that regard. 

I really liked the boundaries that I set for myself this term, not working after 6pm and making time to do some fun things in the midst of chaos. I never felt like I was too far behind on work, or that I wasn’t doing enough, because I had a literal reminder in front of me that I had already put x amount of hours into something with toggl. 

Sometimes in class I would feel like I didn’t know how to productively contribute to conversation, but I think thats a skill that will get better over time and not being so great at it should especially be expected in the first term of a program.

Socially I met a lot of wonderful people who also made me feel more comfortable will myself. I started using She/They pronouns which feel really comforting to me. I made a lot of little origami cranes every time I was feeling sad. I drank a lot of boba. Watched a lot of She Ra. Played a lot of games. It all ended up being okay despite the weight of everything around me. 

I’m proud of all of you for making it through this year, I know it was really difficult for a lot of people in more ways than it was for me, but we’re still here! Sometimes all you can do it make it to the next day and thats such a big accomplishment on its own.  Please feel free to reach out with any questions about time-management, toggl, phd stuff in general, archaeology, etc! Always happy to help out. :’) Thanks for reading! Lyss

[mydaydreams]

Glass Walls

Tony Stark

Warning:filthy lemon, ignoring infinity war, oh and alsoi love Pepper Pots so fucking much but tbh i made her a huge bitch in this.

Sum: Pepper is jealous of Tony and y/n's new relationship and y/n knows it. Its clear she wants Tony back. Y/n goes out of her way to make sure Pepper knows that ship has sailed.

*****

I walked up a flight of stairs an overnight bag slung over my shoulder and a pile of file folders in my arms. Tony had left them at my apartment over a week ago and i was only just now returning them. We hadn't been staying at my place much lately so i had finally gone home to get them. Tony did however tell me to pack a bag while I was there so I could come back and stay. I wondered when he would cave and have me move in but the relationship was still fairly new so i didnt want to rush things.

I sighed as i made my way to Tony's office and spotted the annoyingly familiar blonde hair through the glass door. Tony nowhere in sight.

I awkwardly pulled the door open offering her a nod and small smile in 'hello'. She rolled her eyes at me.

"You couldnt have gotten him to work on time?" She asked with a hint of bitch in her voice.

"Im his girlfriend not his alarm clock and I stayed at my place last night im not sure where he is." I said walking behind his desk and slinging my overnight bag over his desk chair and setting the files on his desk. Her eyes widened as she got a look at the files.

"You have had these files this whole time?" She gasped snatching them from the desk. She huffed and paced out of the room not waiting for my sarcastic reply.

Pepper had never liked me. I think it was mostly because I'm much younder than she is. She thinks shes been replaced with a youner module. Acting like i was just like one of Tony's cars or something.

It was clear and had been clear that she wants him back. Lingering looks here inappropriate touch there. It was really starting to piss me off. Plus i knew for a fact she was only in here early so she could hop up on top of Tony's desk and cross her legs while he worked.

I was sure she never did that when they were together. She had only started doing it when i did it.

The little copier. It was starting to get annoyingly childish. It started making me feel childish. Ever since i walked in on her sitting on his desk in front of him while she fixed his tie I have had this desier to out do her.

I sighed and flopped down on the couch in his office.

"Hey doll how'd you sleep?" Tony asked his voice groggy and his eyes blood shot.

I snorted at the nickname. Ever since he made up with his little boyfriend Steve hes really hitting the lingo.

" not as bad as you did it looks like. How many hours did you...?" He lifted his fingers '3'. I frowned and stood up reaching for him. He didnt really sleep well without her.

"Well you have been working none stop lately. Why don't you come back to the room with me and nap for a bit?" I said melting my body into his letting his warmth wrap around me. I took a deep breath of him and reached my arms around his neck.

"Can't, pepper has a list a mile long of shit for today." He said digging his head into my neck. I hummed softly but our moment was cut short.

"Starting now, you're late Tony!" Pepper voiced from the door. I cringed at the sound of her voice and seperated from Tony.

Tony sighed loudly and looked down at me.

"Head to the room and I'll be there in a few hours." He said handing me the nightbag from his chair. I smiled at him and pecked his lips before making my way to the door.

"Dont count on it." Pepper said under her breath but i could totally hear the bitch. I rolled my eyes and stepped out heading to the room and to fucking bed.

Not but 20 minutes later I felt large warm hands run my shirt up my back. Tony gently stroked the skin of tge small of my back with his fingers. I hummed.  "I thought i had to share you today." I said turning my head so i could look at him. "Oh baby you dont have to share me with anyone." He said his voice still groggy from exhaustion. "Oh i love it when you talk to me like that..." I said straining my neck up to kiss him.

He sighed pleasantly into my lips as if he had been waiting all day for this, though we had kissed not but maybe 30 minutes ago. His body fell limp leaning against hers as they kissed. She pulled away from him.

"As much as i love hot sleepy sex Tony, I think you could really use some sleep." I said rolling him onto his back. He sighed heavily and his eyes closed the second I had turned him. I shook my head down at him and smiled.

" i love you so much you stupid sleepy man" I said kissing all over his face for a minute before shimmying down the bed to pull off his pants. He let out a struggeled chuckle as i pulled them down his legs.

" thought you said I should sleep." He said his eyes still closed but a new smirk playing on his lips.

"You are...we are going to sleep but i know for a fact you have had these clothes on for more than 20 hours so I'm gonna get them off of you." I said with a laugh.

"Only if i can get yours off of you." He flirted making me giggle and blush hotly. He leaned up slightly only to flop back down.

" i dont think you have the energy for that iron man." I said pulling the covers up both our legs and sinking into his side. He pouted

" at least take your top off for me? You know i cant sleep if i dont get atleast one peak at the girls" he said referring to my 'rockin tits' tony calls them.

" here i thought you just needed to be graced by my presence to have a good slumber." I said laying back. He turned over onto his stomach and leaned up on his elbows to look me in the eye.

" nope, its always been those rockin tits doll!" He said using one hand to catch the seem at the bottom of my shirt.

" just a peak." He lied as he pulled the shirt completely off and threw it on the ground. I laughed loudly as he began motorboating the my girls. I let out a happy girlish giggle/scream as he had his fun.

" Tony Starrrk!!!" I Scolded swatting at his sides as he took tight grips of each of my beasts and smushed them against his cheeks.

" never had a girl with tits as perfect as yours. Never had a girl with such a banggin body" he said as he starting kissing.  This made me laugh he never talked like this. And i know he uses the work rockin offten while describing my body but i havr never heard the word banggin before.

" no i know your sleep happy." I said kissing his lips and making him lay down flat with my head on his chest.

"No sex?" He asked still in his sleep deprived state.

" the faster you fall asleep the faster i wake you up with my lips wrapped around your Co..." I didnt get to finish the sentence before i heard him snoring. I laughed a little thinking he was making a joke but when i looked up to kiss him he was actually forreal dead ass asleep. I just smiled and pecked his lips.

It had maybe been 3 hours when the shrill voice woke me.

"Tony it is well past 2 pm, you have missed 2 meetings and i have the board of directors on the phone waiting for your approval on...." She stopped talking wjen she saw me sitting up in his bed topless my gaping breast practically waving at her. I screamed and flopped back down on the bed pulling the covers over me. My reality brain finally catching up with my sleepy brain. What the fuck is she doing with a fucking key?

"Pepper what the hell are you doing in here?" Tony asked harshly as I hid under the covers into his side.

" what the hell am i doing? What the he'll are you doing? Fucking the staff in your place of work during office hours." She said raising her voice. I pocked my head out.

What the actual fuck? And who the actual fuck does she think she is.

First of....why the fuck does she have a key, why the fuck does she think its okay to just barge in to her bosses quarters while he's trying to sleep. And most importantly why the fuck does she have a key? Has she had it this whole fucking time? Had she never givin it back to tony when they split almost 2 years ago.

The shocked look that was plastered on iron mans face was a face only pepper fucking pots could bring out of him.

"Pepper what the fuck are you doing?" He said repeating himself unable to even comprehend her shots at him about fucking y/n while in his own fucking home. 

"Tony, you and i have work to do but instead of maning up and doing your job you come back up to your little fuck toy. This is starting to get rediculos Tony! Your slacking at work, falling asleep on the job and not to mention...." She took a long dramatic pause before turning to me for a short second. "Your Little fuck toys should not be handling classified work files much less letting them take the files home with them to screw up." She finished sticking her bony little finger out to point at me.

"You know those files were missing for 2 weeks. We had a team searching for those documents Tony." She bitched as tony just looked at her like she was the insane.

"Pepper what the fuck?" He asked again rubbing his eyes.

"Peper what the fuck pepper what the Fuck... Stop pepper what the fucking me. You know what im talking about. Your new relationship with her has interrupted your work for the last time tony this is completely unprofessional and insanely inappropriate." She said her hands on her hips and her foot tapping on the ground over and over in frustration.

I wanted to just grab Tony's blaster gun and just shoot her. Who the fuck does she think she is?

" Pepper, y/n is not a fuck toy! Shes my girlfriend. The next time you refer to her you will call her "Tony's girlfriend" or you will call her by her fucking name. And if you really think my job performance is suffering, check what the fuck i was doing all night that left me this sleep deprived and exhausted. Was in my lab all fucking nigjt working on some tech for bruce and you would fucking know that if you went to the debriefing this morning instead of trying to beat my girlfriend to my office just to fucking bug her. You think y/n's and i's relationship is Inappropriate? You are the one that just broke into your bosses home and bedrrom just to tell him to get up for work. News flash pep just cuz i made you CEO dose not mean you are the fucking boss. Get the fuck out of y/n and i's room I'll be in work when im good and fucking ready!" He yelled his voice harsh and rough. His tone made me flinch but the fact that the tone of voice isnt directed at me made me smirk.

Pepper's mouth hung open her face was red from what i can only assume is embarrassment. She finally caught herself after about 45 seconds of complete and uter silence and she turned and walked towards the door.

" and Pepper i dont know where the fuck you got the key to our room but you can leave it at the house keeping counter. Im instructing friday to never let you back into this room under any circumstances ms.pots. and your on thin fucking ice pots, walking in on my girlfriend naked and i trying to sleep. You are lucky you didnt just lose your job. Leave!" He said sternly his face hot with anger and his hands gripping hard against the sheets.

Once pepper finally left Tony's room he turned to look down at me.

"Darling I am so sorry. I didnt kniw she could get in here. Im so sorry she saw your..." He didnt finish i just shook my head. After all its not the first chick to see my tits and its not like she dosent have the same parts....well my parts may be a bit bigger and better than hers but that nore here nore there.

" its fine baby its just fine. You dont have to apologize for anything after what you just did." I said scooting closer to him from where they had sepreated in the dramatic moment.

I couldnt believe he had said all of that. Tony and i have been together for over a year but with his ex still working right under him it has been a bit of a struggle. Tony had always been good at standing up for others especially his girl. And pepper had been pushing it for weeks. He thinks he knows why pepper is only just know acting out about their relationship. She finally gets that its becoming serious. After just one year his relationship with y/n was stronger, better, and, more serious than tony and peppers ever were. And tony and pepper had multiple years together under their belts yet after just one year of being with some yoinger ethnic girl tony wants to take her to see the world and their planing trips and sending out fucking christmas cards. It had made Pepper's blood boil so she would continue to try and undermine anything y/n was trying to do in front of tony. Every time she would try and make a cute joke or tell a funny story pepper would try and ruin it or just interrupt y/n in the middle of her stories to start on of her own that no one wanted her to begin.

The other avengers caught on to this quickly too. After meeting me, one by one they all had their own issues and opinions on tonys new gf. Of course thats a given they were all so close and then i come in all new and young and not knowing anything. After a while everyone was eventually okay with my existence all but pepper of course. When they would interrupt most of the team would end up finding their way back to me to find out the rest of my stories. They could all tell Pepper had issues and wasnt over tony she wasnt exactly being suddle but...tony tony just completely shut her the fuck down. And plus that...he called it our room not just his. Then he called her ms.pots instead of pepper in the end completely changing their friendship status to im not even gonna call you by your first name status. And that had to be worse than just a basic acquaintance.

Our room, I cant believe it.

" inappropriate! We're inappropriate? Please. I'll show her inappropriate!" He said making laugh

" its okay babe."I said reasuring him that im totally fine.

" no its not. Plus she ruined my nap time wake up blow job. If she wants to see inappropriate I'll take you to my office right now and fuck you in front of the team, the staff,god and everybody. I swear Thor will be able to hear your screams from fucking asgard." He teased but i took 100% serious.

I coughed nervously before saying " i mean...id be down for that." Tonys mouth grew into a wide smile before he rushed into action.

By now the regular staff of employees have already gone for the day and just the people who live in building and pepper are left. Pepper's desk is diagonal from his and smaller in space but it still shows that it is a person of authority.

Tony and I had been chatting in his office for a minute. Each of them stealing glances over at Pepper where she had her head stuck in some case files. For a second i thought maybe Tony was totally joking and we weren't about to fuck on his office desk and in a way i was right...he didnt fuck me on the desk.

He Sat and spinned on his chair for a minute before beckoning me to come and sit on his lap. He did this dangerously sexy thing where he spun in his chair and stopped to make eye contact then he would look down at his lap making my eyes follow his. His arms out on his legs. His hands pat his meaty thighs just begging me to take a seat on my thrown. It made me gulp

Shit we really were bouta do this?

He grabbed my hand as I got nearer to him. He looked up at me for a minute just staring into my eyes. It gave me a chance to really look at him. His eyes were no longer blood shot and his pale skin had finally changed back to its regular tan. He looked well rested, happy, content.

He let his other hand fall off his legs to reach out for mine. His finger tips traced up my thigh and under the skirt. He gace me a devilish look before his eyes slightly flicked to ms.pots desk. He smirked again as he saw she was in fact watching his every move. He let his hand grip onto my thigh to lift it up in the air and over his lap. This quick movement starteled me, i grabbed a hold of his shoulder for leverage as he yanked my other leg up and onto him as well so he had me successfully straddlling his waist.

He hummed into my chest for a minute before kissing his way up my neck. My body instantly relaxed against him as he started up his trail to my lips. He hadnt had sex in what...40 hours. 50? God it was like a life time.

His hands struggling to grade and massage at everything he could get a hold of. He almost regreted making her put clothes back on and leave the bedroom in the first place. He alreay had her in nothing but a thong on his bed. But of course he had to follow his public place kink....but hey...im not complaining.

My peripherals caught site of Peper crumpling up pieces of paper on her desk. They were actually making her scwerm. Good the bitch deserves it.

And with that thought, i pulled my top off slowly making sure to thro the shirt into the glass whwre peper was looking in from where she sat at her desk. Tonys windows were fairly tented higher than any other office in the building so they werent 100% visible but if you squint it's not hard to see.

I pressed my tits into Tony's face for the second time that day and he let out an almost childlike laugh causing me to blush hard. Tony pulled his shirt over his head finally letting my hands run down his firm chest. I leaned down to kiss at all this new skin he was showing. 

His hands moved to hike my leg up and over one of the arm rests of the chair so he could get his hand under me.

"Mmm look how wet you are." He moaned his eyes closing as his fingers spread my lips open for a second before dipping his pointer into my juices only to slush it around. My body was already twitching And ready for him to touch.

" so smooth, you're so perfect for me baby" he said slipping two fingers into me. I gasped out and wrapped my arms around his neck and took a tight grip on his hair. His beefy fingers plunged into me, stretching me out and making me hot.

"Tony" I whined at him trying to buck my hips into his hand. He chuckeled at me as his fingers slowly started moving in and out of me. I grinded up agaisnt his palm as his fingers curlled and hit the not inside me.

I threw my head back as his handsl moved faster his fingers hitting the right spot over and over.

" Fuck fuck Tony" I moaned trying to hump down on him. His other hand snaked up to pinch my clit ever so lightly and he knew he had me. My walls qlenched around his fingers and he continued to curl them up into me making me moan loudly each time.

"Your gonna cum y/n. Then I'm going to make you sink down on top of me. You're wrap that tight pussy around my cock and I'm gonna fuck you up against this glass wall. How does that sound baby?" He asked looking up at me. My mouth hung wide open as his words and i could feel my slick dripping from me and into his waiting hands.

"Mhmmm yes. Please Sir Yes!" I said my voice high pitched. He groaned loudly before i felt his hand withdraw and move to shove his pants down his legs and off. I took that chance to free him from him boxers and stroke up his length. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment only to grip both of my hips.

I knew he was ready so i lined him up and he all but shoved me down. He filled me quickly making me scream his name but only for a moment before he already had them moving.

The tight grip he had on her thighs left her room for no control over her own hips. They were going at his pace and it was agonizingly slow but felt to amazing to tell him to move faster.

"God your so fucking tight around me." He moaned his head falling off the back of the chair. His eyes rolling back a bit. I took that chance to start pushing down on him a little faster. The tip of his dick finally deep enough to bump my cervix. God his dick is so long...thick....ughh how can i have it inside me and want it in my mouth all at the same time.

"Fuck you feel so good!"he said his eyes opening to watch my breasts bounce up and down for him. He humps up inside my making me gasp out a loud throaty moan. I moved my hips harder to grind into him. That move obly made me twitch hard and cum all over his lap and down his dick. My body shook above him in a hot orgasm but Tony wouldnt stop. Bucked up into me fucking me upward making all my cum and slick splash down on his thighs. The grip i had on his hair tightened as he pumped is load deep into me. He let out a loud moan of my name before letting my body fall slack against him almost locking his cum in place inside me.

We sat there for a minute trying to catch our breath. Pepper completely forgotten. I thought maybe he was bluffing earlier and we were done fucking in his office for fun but after aminute he starts nibbling my ear lobe before saying

"Stand up and put both your hands on the glass."

My eyes shot open to look at him. Was he serious? The only thing pepper could really see right now was my bare back and i thought that may be enough but tony Bucky his hips not just penetrating but pushing me up too.

I hoped off of him and turned away from him. Doing as he told, I raised my hands up and leaned against the glass.

Tony was sex laughing joyfully as he stood up behind me. He kicked my ankles apart and ran his hands down my back.

"Sometimes i wish i would have fucked you like this in the tower. That way everyone in the city would see iron man fucking whats his."

His breath tickeled my neck as he spoke. It made me shiver as his chest pressed agaisnt my back. His hands slid up my sides and around my front to squeeze my breasts.

" still cant believe these are real"

He whispered as he started kissing from my ear to my shoulder.

"Tony please!" I said begging unable to take any more of his torture.

" you know what i want to here." He said his hand moving down to my sex. He gently slapped my sex making me gasp and flinch.

"Please fuck me with your Iron, Iron Man!" I bagged turning my head to look at him and biting my lip. He took that moment to push my body fully against the glass. My body shivering from the cold of the glass against my skin.

He kissed my lips before pushing inside me. My head fell back against his chest and I let out a loud moan of his name.

He hummed from behind me as his hips thunked into my back side.

The sound of our sweaty hot skin slapping together echoed through the rooms the only other sound were my erratic breaths and moans.

His pace quickened sending tingeles through my body as he rocked me into the glass.

" fuck fuck yes Fuck!" He had me chanting as his poundings god harder, my moaned getting louder. I reached up on the glass trying to grab fro someyhing only to just hit my fists against hit twice as my walls clinched around him.

" Tonnnn...yyy" i screached as my cum gushed around him.

" fuck y/n, I'm gonna cum." He said lifting his hand up to grabe my face so i was looking at him again. He kissed me and Basically sucked my tongue into his mouth making it wrestle with his as his cum spread throughout my insides. He bit down on my lip before pulling away to look at me.

" that may have been the hottest thing we ever done." He said after catching his breath. He pulled out of me but kept me in his arms. He stept backward 2 steps and all but fell into his desk chair with me on his lap. He sighed and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. I smiled down at him and kissed at the hairs on his chest where my head laid.

" not even the time in the elevator?" I asked playfully. He smirked but didnt open his eyes.

"Nope."

" or the time in loki's old cell."

"Nope."

"Not even the time when..." He stopped me finally looking at me.

"Maybe the time in asgard on thor's thrown." He said making me laugh.

"I still cant believe he dosent know. I mean its not like we cleaned up after." I said giggling. Tony laughed loudly for a moment his eyes sparkeling.

" I thought you said you had." My mouth dropped open at his words. I bit my lip in an almost funny embarrassment feeling.

"Oh... Well i mean you hadnt asked me to." I said only making him laugh harder and longer. He wiped his eyes in his hysterics and slapped at the knee i wasnt propped up on.

After a few minutes of loving, naked, silence he looked down at me his happy face was now replaced with a look of guilt.

"I'm really sorry about Pepp...oh shit.." He started before landing on her nam and remembering why they were in his office in the first place. Both his and my heads snapped to look at peppers desk. She was in fact no where to be seen. I started blushing hard before making eye contact with Tony again. He bit on his lip trying to hold back a smile. I broke first but we both burst out in loud huffs of laughter. His chest shaking hard. My head fell down on his chest as I shook my head in disbelief.

"We really did that." I said he laughed again.

"We really really did that." He said pulling my hair back to expose my neck to kiss me.

" and im about ready to do it again." I said moaning. He matched my pitch with a groan.

" God I love you!" He said I kissed him hotly and nibbled at his facial hair.

"Tony." I said softly

"I love you too!"

[supergirlfics]

A/N: This was so frustrating because I’d work on it and and then it would just disappear! Multiple times! I guess this is what happens when you write directly onto tumblr and don’t use a backup of any kind . . . oh well, onward and upward. Hope you like the story!

Eliza was outside waiting for Kara and Alex the moment they arrived. As soon as they stepped out of the car, she spread her arms wide, giving them each a hug. “Girls! I’ve missed you so much!”

“We’ve missed you, too,” Alex said.

“Where’s Y/N?” Kara asked, peering past Eliza. You were usually the first to greet them.

“She was supposed to come out and help you with your bags, but I suppose she couldn’t peel herself away from her book.”

“New novel?” Kara asked.

“Textbook.”

Alex and Kara exchanged a look before Kara finally said, “That’s okay. I’ll take the bags. We can catch up with Y/N inside.”

By the time Alex and Eliza had reached the front door, Kara had already grabbed both bags, taken them upstairs to the bedroom, and made back down to the living room. Super Speed. Or, as Alex liked to call it, Super Show-Off.

You sat on the couch. Four open textbooks, and what seemed to be a million sheets of paper lay on the coffee table in front of you. Your nose was buried in a page, your hands covered in pen ink, and notes scribbled in every empty space.

“Hey. What’s up?” Kara asked.

You jumped, not having noticed your sister until right then. You spun around to snap at whoever was hovering over you, but you realized who it was just in time. “Kara!” You leaped off the couch, tackling your big sister in a hug. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t notice you.”

“That’s obvious,” Alex said as she strode through the room to join you two. “Hey kid.”

“Alex!” You tackled her even more excitedly than you had Kara, jumping into her arms and wrapping your legs around her waist. You clung to her so tightly, it was like you were a kid on the monkey bars.

When Alex had finally managed to pull you off, she held you at arms length to study you. “You have grown so much.”

“I’m the same height,” You said. “It’s been three months.”

“I mean you look more mature.”

Kara couldn’t hold in her laugh. After all, she had just watched you and Alex fight over whether or not she was going to hold you.

As Alex continued to look you over, her smile faltered. Even your ear to ear grin couldn’t hide the dark circles under your eyes. They were huge. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. Why?” You asked.

“You look exhausted.”

“I’ve been studying,” You shrugged.

“As you should be,” Eliza cut in. “I can’t have anything but the best grades from my med student.” Again, Kara and Alex exchanged a look. “I’ll let you three catch up while I make dinner.”

After an argument with your sisters, you finally agreed to set aside your studies. But only after Alex gave you her “you-had-better-listen-or-you’ll-regret-it” look. Your sisters helped you put everything away, but you micromanaged everything. You had to make sure all your notes were in their rightful place.

“How do you know where anything goes?” Kara asked. “This is a mess.”

“It’s an organized mess. And if it’s not put away just right, I’ll lose everything and have to start over completely.”

“You’re insane,” Alex said.

“I’m a med student,” You said. “It comes with the territory.”

-----------------------------------------------------

You wanted to study some more after dinner, but your sisters forced you to watch a movie with them instead. And when you tried to sneak some notes into sister night, another look from Alex told you there was no way you would be able to study that night.

When you returned to the couch, you squeezed in between your sisters. Alex immediately put your arm around you while Kara grabbed your hand. You felt warmer and more at peace than you had in months, though the thought of your schooling still weighed heavily at the back of your mind.

A few minutes in, you lay your head on Alex’s shoulder, and a few minutes after that, you were asleep.

Kara grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and threw it over you, carefully tucking the end behind your shoulder. “This school must really be getting to her. She never falls asleep during a movie.”

“It’s not even ten,” Alex said. “Y/N is pushing herself way too hard. She needs to slow down.”

----------------------------------------------------------

You woke up around one. Your sisters were asleep beside you. They had even wrapped a blanket around you, which was totally in character, but still extremely sweet.

Since they were both out, you took the opportunity to grab your textbooks once again.

You were still studying when they awoke.

“Y/N,” Kara said. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” You said absentmindedly.

“How long have you been studying?” Alex asked.

“Since one.”

Alex ripped the book from your hands. She didn’t think it was possible, but the bags under your eyes had grown even bigger. “You’re done.”

“Hey! I need that!” 

“You don’t,” Kara said firmly. “You are done studying for the rest of the day.”

“It’s only seven.”

“And you’ve been at this for six hours,” Kara said. “You’ve had enough.”

That’s how it went over the next few days. Every time you would try to study, your sisters intervened. Kara tried to force you to take a nap, but once she left the room, you pulled out your notes. Needless to say, she was not pleased when she came to check on you.

“Give me the notes. This is not okay.”

It didn’t take long before your sisters refused to leave your side. If somebody had to do something, they made sure the other was free. They even agreed to keep watch overnight.

On the first night after they agreed to stay up and make sure you slept, you could not get to sleep, no matter what they tried. “I just need to study.” You insisted. “I’m going to fall behind.”

“Why are you so intent on this?” Alex asked as she sat on your bedside. Kara moved to your bed as well, crossing her legs after plopping down in the middle.

“It’s just, you two have done so much. You help people. You save lives. I’m not as cool as that. I don’t have superpowers or special combat training. I’m just awkward old me.”

“Hey,” Alex said. “You don’t need any of that. You are perfect just how you are.”

“I don’t want to fail you guys. Or mom.”

“You could never fail us,” Kara said. “Or mom.”

“I already have. She always compares me to you two. I just want to be able to do something important. And she’s right to push me to study - it just doesn’t come naturally. I have to spend extra time on it.”

“Are you kidding?” Kara said. “You could literally not pay any attention at school and still get straight A’s. You’re a freaking genius.”

“If you keep doing this, you will run yourself ragged, and then when it counts, you’ll be too tired. You won’t be able to function. We have to help you out of your chair half the time. You’re always exhausted. You’re always falling asleep. I’ve even heard you recite diseases in your sleep. Take a break. You’re being obsessive. It isn’t healthy, Y/N.”

“But I have to be the best.”

“You are the best,” Kara said. “Don’t kill yourself trying to be better than the best.”

“I guess you’re right.”

--------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Alex made it downstairs while you and Kara were still asleep. You were so tired, Alex didn’t think you’d be out of bed all day. They finally seemed to have gotten through to you.

“Good morning, Alex,” Eliza said. “Where’s your sister? She’s usually up studying when I come down.”

“We need to talk, Mom,” Alex said. 

Eliza set her coffee down to look at Alex. “What’s going on?”

“Y/N is so tired. She is running herself dry with med school and it’s only her second year. I was partying my second year of med school.”

“And you never finished,” Eliza said. “Y/N needs to be more accomplished than that.”

“More accomplished?” Alex started before taking a deep breath. This was about you, not her. “The point is, she is trying so hard to please you, it’s killing her.”

“She’s fine.”

“You’re not listening to me, Mom. “She’s on break and all she does is study. She finished all her homework for the next month before Kara and I got here and she is still obsessed.”

“Y/N is doing what she should to get through school,” Eliza said. 

“She’s terrified of failing us! She feels like you compare her to Kara and I constantly, and that’s not fair to her. She’s still a kid. Let her be one. Stop pushing her so hard.”

“Of course I have high expectations. She should want to be like the two of you. You and Kara have accomplished so much. Why is it such a terrible thing if I want that for Y/N as well?”

“Because she’s not us, Mom. She’s not an alien. She doesn’t have superpowers. She is the victim of your - you’re craziness! And the longer she’s here, the worse it’s going to get.”

“What are you saying?”

“Y/N is going to spend the rest of break in National City with me. Where she won’t be judged.”

“Alex Danvers, you cannot -”

“I can,” Alex cut in. “And I am.”

[kyoko0001]

Please feel free to use these!!

10 KuroFai Fanfictions I hope someone writes or I will have to get to them one day 

All of these are for anyone to use and are ideas that have been bouncing around in my head for a while. If you do like one/use one send it to me and I will read, review, and share!!!!! I have pages and pages of these so lemme know if you want more friends! 

1 ~ Fai gets separated from the group and wakes up in a new dimension all alone. He is discovered by a group of warriors. One of those warriors looks suspiciously like Kurogane but Fai can tell instantly it’s not. He of course just so happens to be able to speak the language and surrenders peacefully. He is brought back to there village where he gets to meet the real Kurogane of this world. Youou is only 5 but is obsessed with the blond hair, blue eyes wizard who “is very pretty’ or so he tells his mom and dad. Fai spends a few weeks with the little family and gets dragged around by the overly hyperactive kid we see in the lecourt flashback. I want Youou to give him frogs and bugs cuse ‘arnt they cool!’ and show him all his extra secret hiding spots. I want Youou to get stuck in a tree and Fai to have to save him and he is just so freaking impressed that Fai can use magic to do that. I want him to be glued to Fai and hold his hand and just like climb up Fai’s side like a monkey and hang over his shoulders. I need a cute scene where Fai is telling him bedtime stories that are totally over the top and silly and for Youou to just freaking eat it up. I want him to just be so freaking cute and innocent and adorable that Fai is just swooning in cuteness overload and when Kuro-chan finally finds him Youou bawls his eyes out when they have to go and when they land in the next world Fai is crying too and Kurogane ends up snuggling him and telling him all about what he was like as a kid.

2 ~ This same shit but With Kurogane. He lands in a world separated from the group and is grumbling and stalking around when he runs into two adorable kids who wont speak to him but are constantly whispering in the other twins ears and shooting each other looks. Eventually Fai and Yuui bring Kurogane back to there house where they live with there Aunt Chii. Eventually the twins come out of there shells and they are both just terrors. Fai (the real Fai) is half 50% huge cry baby and 50% If-you-make-Yuui-sad-I-will-cut-you. Yuui(the one who takes his twins name in TRC) is mischievous but appears to be overly innocent and they cause no end of trouble. They are just cuddle bugs and Kurogane will walk into the house to find that they have stolen every blanket in the house and piled them in the living room like a nest/fort and are napping all twisted around each other at odd angles. They will also crawl into his bed in the middle of the night and twist around the same way and it hurts Kurogane’s pride as a ninja that they NEVER wake him. Bonus points if you write them in Ashura-ou’s care because he is the best underappreciated and well meaning father in CLAMP. Extra bonus points if they are little vampires!!!!!! And they get cranky and cry why they are hungry and there little eyes turn gold.

3 ~ A well written KuroFai A/B/O Fic. (I know I know shoot me) because I haven't read a single one in this fandom that didnt get abandoned after a few chapters or were terribly written. (all KuroFai is Good KuroFai but I want really good Kurofai) specifically I want I Dont-need-no-man omega Fai and a potty mouth Kuro-alpha who just doesn't know what to do with him. All the angst. Just modern day au a/b/o and I’ll probs be happy tbh. I have one in the works but I feel like I would get judged for posting it? I wanted something where Fai and Kurogane are both princes in neighboring lands. Fai is a first prince and Kurogane is like way down there on the succession so when they have an arranged marriage Kuro-chan gets shipped to Fai’s country even though he is the alpha. Fai is meh about the whole thing but ends up loving that Kurogane’s alpha pride is hurt because he was shipped off ‘like a blushing bride’ to his husbands home and teases him over it. I want Fai to have to teach Kurogane alllll about his new home that is culturally very different from each other in regards to gender rolls. (Kurogane’s comes from a patriarchal society and Fai comes from a matriarchal society.) So he totally freaks out that his delicate omega is a war mage who leads armies and fights alpha’s face to face. Of course I want them to grow a mutual respect for each others strengths and fall in love love and live happily every after. 

4 ~ I want a fanfiction where something happens in a battle and Fai ends up saving Kurogane’s ass by stepping in and just using magic to absolutely obliterate the threat and we get to actually see him do more then just act as back up. Kurogane is totally turned on when Fai is a bad ass in a fight and even though he is injured he just really wants to take his mage home and erm... show his affection? Hehe. 

5 ~ One time I wrote a fic where Fai and Kurogane went back to Celese when Ashura woke up and there were still people there. I was told of course by the readers that there were no more living people in Celese because Ashura had killed them or Fai had taken them all to another dimension? I never read that in the manga... (I knew there were no living people in Celese I though Ashura-ou had killed them not that Fai had rescued them) I dont think at least? But that would be a Fai thing to do. I want a fic where the gang lands in the world that Fai took all the people fleeing ‘The beast’ to and since they are all strong magic users they sense his presence right away and the court mages just swarm them. Of course everyone but Fai is super confused. I like to think that Ashura-ou didnt have have his actual son So Fai is the crowned prince aka king now that Ashura-ou is dead so they dont want him to go. It could go a few ways from here. 

Fai was married for political reasons but he and his wife had been childhood friends and she is just so delighted that Fai and Kurogane fell in love and she is just all up in there business about how it happened. Kurogane of course is like what-the-hell-do-you-mean-you-are-married!? and Fai has to explain the situation and apologize for not being honest. 

or 

(sorry I ship TaiAsh-ou and it sneaks into everything I do) Taishakuten from RG Veda was super close to Ashura-ou and so also watched Fai grow up and was so freaking worried about him going back to Celese all alone. He has been in charge while Fai was gone and of course demands Fai stay so becomes there villain with good intentions if you catch my drift? Just like in RG Veda he promised Ashura-ou but this time it was to look out for Fai and keep him safe. So we get to hear all sorts of things about Fai that are never revealed int he Manga and Kurogane gets all twisted out of joint that Fai might actually stay when really Fai cant wait to go because while he loves him home the reminders of Celese brake his heart. Of corse Kurogane doesnt get why Fai would want to abandon his people so they have to have a talk and Kuro offers for Fai to live in Nihon when this is over. 

6 ~ I really really reaaaaaaaaaaaally want a fic where Ashura-ou never rescued Fai so he kinda just hung out in Valerie in that timeless prison where he cant use magic. FWR still threw his brother out of the tower and he promised to bring him back if Fai kills the people who will one day. (just swap there names so Fai is Fai and the real Fai is now Yuui for this explanation) So Fai never grows older because timeless prison, never learns how to smile or joke or be a normal human because  no Ashura-ou so he is just this tiny little starving frost bitten gremlin sitting in the snow holding his twin and waiting with the feather FWR gave him. So when the gang show up there like... WTFFFFFF. Kurogane brakes the timeless prison with an attack from his sword and Fai is just looking up at them terrified. he doesnt speak or move just looks up at them terrified. They take Fai and Yuui because Fai wont let go and find shelter for the night. Fai of course cant bring  himself to kill the only people that have ever showed him kindness so he is beating himself up for not being able to do it to save Yuui. I love KuroFai but I also think that people can have close non romantic relationships as well so I would love to see Kurogane Fall in love with Fai and care for him in a parental way? No creepiness just Kurogane seeing a kid that needs him and showing him how to be a kid and live his life. I think this would be so cool if someone has the time to actually write out the healing from a traumatized 5-7 year old into a quirky teen. lord knows when and If I get to this one (I’ve had this idea for 7 years) its gonna be 500k + words. 

7 ~ I want an epic AU where Fai and Kurogane live in different countries. I want it to be a tradition in Nihon that when boys turn 16 they spend some time training alone away from there families and its no different for Kurogane. I want his dad lord suwa to have gone to Celese when he had been Kuro’s age and become best buds with Ashura-ou. like war buddies. So when he ships Kurogane off for training he is trusting his old friend Ashura-ou(king of Celes) to look after him. (Ashura would be more like from RG-Veda and a master swords men if that makes sense) Kurogane is excited as hell to go and when he gets there he meets Ashura’s son Fai/Yuui. I want fun teasing between them, epic adventures, Fai taking Kuro-chans innocence!!! and tons of steamy love. I have so many diff Ideas for how this could go but I would love one where Kurogane helps Fai deal with Ashura going crazy like he does in Tsuba. Bonus points for awesome world building. 

8 ~ I want an AU where Fai travels to Kurogane’s world when he is learning the spell to travel between dimensions and just sorta thunks down in the middle of his village and hurts himself on the landing. I want Kuro’s mama to patch Fai up and for Fai and Kurogane to become quick friends before Fai’s Dad showes up to bring him home. I want Fai to visit every few Years and for them to fall in love love!!! Bonus points if Fai has to sneak off to visit Kurogane and Ashura has to keep coming to get him and drag his ass home. 

9 ~ I want and AU where Kurogane’s parents go on vacation without him so he is spending the summer with his cousins (Syaoran and his dad) and gets dragged with them while they explore historical sights throughout eastern Europe. they end up in this totally dilapidated castle that was abandoned years ago and is supposedly haunted. Kurogane doesn't believe in ghosts so when he hears a banging sound from the catacombs below his room he goes to investigate. He finds the source of the banging and it appears to be coming from a bricked up passage way. Kuro starts to get totally freaked out because he swears he can here crying and someone asking for help on the other side so he locates some tools and tries to get though the wall. while he is working the banging and the crying stop and when he pulls the first brick free he uses his phone to flash some light inside of the room and almost has a heart attack when a single gold eye stares back at him. after the first brick the rest of the wall comes down easy and Kurogane Finds Fai just standing there staring at him. Fai is a vampire that the villagers had entombed 500 years ago and as soon as Kurogane gets close enough to him--Fai bites him. Can you blame him though he is starving to death? the whole immortal thing is not as cool as it sounds when your’re bricked up in a dungeon. Luckily his stomach cant hold much and Fai apoligizes while he waits for Kurogane to come to his senses. Like the rest of these they fall in love love and Kurogane gets to teach Fai all about the convinces of modern day life. 

10 ~ I want a fic where Fai gets sick for the first time in a long time. Usually his magic keeps him healthy so when he gets sick he gets siiiiick. Of course he hates asking for help so que  Kurogane taking care of him. 

[tumblunni]

Me in the hospital: i cannot sleep for 24 hours, the slightest noise is blaring, i am perpetually anxiety adrenaline

As soon as i get home: has the best sleep of my life

I usually take an hour to get to sleep each night but i totally just curled up like a snail and dropped into dreamland instantly. And i woke up to a nice warm house cos the heating turned on while i was asleep, and now all the anesthetic is completely worn off so i feel energized and great! And my throat pain has eased up so thankfully i wont have to be liquids only for as long as i thought. I was all hyperactive and cooked a great fancy omelette and it tastes like heaven itself! Its so weird how stuff tastes slightly diffetent when its the first time youve been able to chew with the right side of your mouth in five years. I guess the tastebuds on the sides of your tongue are slightly different? When i eat everything now im gonna be rolling it all over my mouth like WOW ITS ALL SO NEW AGAIN! Will probably look nuts in the middle of mcdonalds with my cheeks puffed like a squirrel XD

Oh and this is also a great excuse to drink loads of chocolate milkshakes from my milkshake viking mug! I feel so energized with calcium and yums!! EVERYTHING TASTES SO NEWWWWWWW

Oh man i do feel a bit sleepy again now after just being up for a few hours tho. I have these good jaw pain specific medicines i have to take for the next two weeks til my followup appointment to check if theres any infection left. But man i feel SO ALIVE AGAIN im pretty sure all the rot is gone! It feels so wild having space in my mouth and not constant clenchy tightness. It actually hurts less recovering from the surgery than it did before, lol! I can feel all my teeth moving apart again and loosening up into normality and the gums healing up all their injuries and oh god i just love how they cleaned out all the broken parts of my teeth and capped them with these great replacements that look so real you'd never be able to tell! My smile looks not ugly!! My smile looks not ugly!! Aaaaa! I just expected regaining the right side of my mouth, i didbt expect to e like "holy shit it must have hurt even more than i realized cos this feels so amazing now". Like i guess i got used to putting up with it and forgot how it felt to not have painmouth? Underestimated how good a teeth can be! And man i never asked for reconstructive cosmetic stuff too but they did these caps and aaa my teeth never looked his good even when they were new!! My front teeth were always crooked even before they did the weird balogna slam together and shattered into a pile of crap. And now they look like perfect supermodel teeth!! The only side effect is that its a lil hard to get used to the lack of gaps between them now after so long dealing with the shattered mess. My tongue keeps being like "oh no did something get stuck in the gaps again oh wait there arent any" and then i subconsciously try to clean them after taking every bite and just bite my tongue instead. Man i never noticed i picked up a bunch of weird mannerismd cos of tje bad teeth! I was constantly paranoidly checking my mouth 24/7 in case the slightest thing made it even worse, and eating super gently so that nothing accidentally touched the Wrong Tooth and set off a jolt of pain. And i actually needed to get a filling put in on the leftmost back tooth that was the ONLY TOOTH I COULD USE TO EAT WITHOUT PAIN for all this time! Overuse of it meant that it got ground down a little and probably would have become painful too if i'd left it any longer. Then i really would have been all soups all the time and that sucks!! Soups are good but nothing but then gives u stomach issues. The bad poops!!

Man sorry im rambling so much im just so hyper and happy and also still kinda dopily sleepy! Im not still delirious or anything i just feel the happy kind of sleepy where the anesthetic is all gone and its not "oh god i cant stay awake" and more natural sleepyness of a long day being over and everything being okay. I had such a good long nap and i feel well rested after getting so little sleep beforehand due to all the dumb anxiety. And i still feel dozey but happy doze~

Anyway its awesometo be able to really chug and crunch a foods! With the other side of my mouth i forgot about! And taste milkshake to its fullest extent!! Oh and whats weird is that the reconstructive surgery capping on my front teeth means that theyre kinda one tooth now? The caps are all linked in a single piece to fill the gaps fully without even the natural ones you'd have on healthy teeth. So its like a solid tooth guard just sculpted to look like three teeth. Itll be tricky to train myself out of thts subconcious rubbing the gaps with my tongue when theyre not even there. But i expect once i get over the unfamiliarity this triple cap will be really useful! Theyre totes reinforced so that even if i do get tight mouth problems again and the front teeth take the brunt of the pressure, now theres no gaps to smash into each other and become a painful mess. Its like scaffolding reinforcing my whole mouth by fixing the loadbearing beam, or something.

Oh also these pain meds make u a little bit more sleepy than normal paracetamol so i'll probably doze off again soon. But hopefully i will have slept off most of the "healing debt exhaustion" tomorrow and will be able to go walk down the shops and buy some icecream and other soft food. I mostly stocked up on purely liquid food cos i tjought my mouth function would be more limited. But honestly the teeth are working so much better than before, they were already so swollen and painful that i couldnt crunch stuff! Now the mild discomfort of mid-healing from surgery feels like barely anything and i bet i could bite thru a goddamn rock right now! I just cant really swallow crunchy stuff or stuff thats too salty or citrusy. I didnt even know about the stabbity throat pipe so i didnt expect it to be the most painful part that takes the longest to heal. It feels so weird cos i keep coughing like my brain thinks theres phelgm stuck in my throat when its actually a skin flap/blister from the insertion. So obviously that aint going anywhere and i have to try and force myself not to cough or swallow or else i set off this cjain of "must get thing out of throat must puke" reflex. And the pain feels like a sore throat but it isnt?? Its not really inflamed ot anything its just an actual friction burn on the opening of my airway. Which is not a common occurance so the brain is justvlike "what the fuck is happening, must send all contradicting signals at once!" So sore throat medicine wont work cos that goes down your throat passage to your stomach when really this lil skin tag blister thing is in the lung throat opening thing. And sucking on throat sweets made it worse cos all the muscles were really tense around the area where the tube was inserted, hence why it was hard to swallow food even tho it was my windpipe that hurt. And sucking on something is kinda like perpetually swallowing nothing, when you think about it? Im glad that the muscle tenseness is mostly gone now and the painkillers are helping with the ouch, and my brainis getting usedto not coughing and making it worse. But still should eat soft easily swallowable stuff for a lil while and it'll be fun to go aroundthe shops with my last pocketful of change and find neat ingredients to stick in omelettes. Im so excited to taste all my favourite things in new HD functional mouth power!!! And i can smile at the shopkeeper!!!

And oh man i really do think that my sleeping problems with stiff neck and that kind of 'bloodrush to the head' migraine were indeed part of the bad wisdom teeth bleeding internally under the gum. I thought it had to be that cos nothing else in my life changed around that time aside from getting a better and healthier bed which should have been beneficial to my neck. And even going back to sleepong on the floor like before didnt make a difference so it definately wasnt the bed! And it kept getting worse while nothing was changing, and i kept trying different things like changing my pillows and headphones and cutting caffeine out of my diet and eating more salt and eating less salt and fuckin ANYTHING ELSE cos i knew if it really was the dumb tooth being infected then there was nothong i could do about it til my surgery day arrived. Itd be such a relief to know for sure that it was indeed the tooth and now that nonsense is gonna be gone forever! But also thats really worrying to know that it was getting so bad it could have spread an infection to my jawbone and the top of my spine if itd been left much longer. I kept sneezing up blood lumps like the size of a fifty pence piece! Had never had nosebleeds for a decade and now suddenly all the time! God it feels so good to be able to lay my head down and not feel all woozy and tense im the forehead or neck. I really hope this good neck untenseness continues and the awful aches really were just the tooth. But everyone in the hospital was so nice that i think even if i do need a second surgery to check for jaw infection then id be able to be less nervoud than i was this time

Man do u ever get that thing where youre so peaceful and contented that like you can breathe easier? Like subconciously taking bigger breaths and the middle of your chest feels slightly puffed out and warm. I guess thats what the "heart leaping in yout chest" idiom is meant to refer to, lol! Or maybe i can just literally breathe easier cos the tooth pain might have been passing into my nasal cavity too, lol. My entire head feels so less tense!! Its like all my bones were rebelling against me and now they're at peace again!! Man i feel so giddy happy like i chugged a giant energy drink or something but its the opposite its a good sleeps drink XD

So im gonna go lie down again and have a relax and watch a movie or something and see if i pass out when the medicine kicks in, or if its not too bad and i can still continue my hyper mood. But my nap was so long that its too late to go to the shops now anyway so i'll just make more plain omelette and milkshake if i get hungry. I mean it doesnt taste plain when all my sense of taste is so amplified likethis! I dont mind if its all i can eat all week. PURE MILKSHAKEY DECADENCE

Aaaaa im just so happy!! I missed my chance to get the new. Kingdlm hearts but ive beenwaiting fkr this surgery for ages too and it feels like just as much of an exciting relief!

[xxkaonashio1xx]

Today was a really bad day...

I needed to be up early, to get to my mom's by 850-9. But I couldnt sleep the night before, so when I finally did go to sleep, I didnt want to wake up. I go to mcdonalds like I do every single day, get a coke. Soon as I drive away from the window, I drop it. All. Over. Myself. I was pissed. I got to my moms at 930. Woke her up and bam... She was in a bad mood.

Got an email, that totally pissed me off...

Got an update saying my phone was going to get shut off... Pissed me off.

Got a bad phone call... Pissed me the fuck off.

I broke down.. In fucking tears. Over thinking, panic attacks like crazy. Then I leave to go to my boyfriend's, just so we can take a nap together... That was the best thing I had heard all fucking day.

Get in my car. Check engine light comes on... Dont know why.

Then I get on the expressway, gas light comes on. Get off to get gas... They are packed. I'm still crying from before, in house shoes, and sweat pants and an over sized hoodie... If I go in there I'll choke the fuck outta someone.

So I call my boyfriend, ask how many miles he thinks I should have so I dont run out of gas. Finally get to this small gas station, where noone ever is, [thank god] and I get gas. Without being bothered.

The absolute worst fucking thing about depression and anxiety is that you cant help when it comes up. On the way to my boyfriend's house I was pleading in my head "dont ask me if I'm ok". Because as soon as he asks me that, I will explode into tears... Like ugly cry. My luck his dad and sister would be there to see it all too.

Writing helps me alot... I can never tell people how I am feeling when put on the spot. But I will text it to you, or write it in a letter all damn day.

One thing that has been bothering me alot lately, is that I am no where in life. By 24, I see my friends doing all this cool shit, and having babies, married.. Whatever. Im over here working two jobs, trying to get by, not enough hours, not enough pay. Can't pay all my bills, don't have money to get me through the week, no money for my doctors visits, or medications... Its embarrassing too. I use to have two amazing jobs, would have enough money for all of my shit, I was independent, didn't have no worries... I was good.

Another thing, and I know it shouldn't bother me... But it fucking kills me... Is my dad. I dont know my dad like I should, I dont see him, hes not around anymore. He moved an hour away to be with this woman who I can not fucking stand... And her 4 ungreatful children. Theres so much I would love to say to him... So many hurtful words, but I know that as I speak those words to him, I would cry. He doesnt deserve to see the pain I have from him... Not like that.

My boyfriend helps me so much... And I don't tell him enough how much he helps. Just letting me come over to his house everyday... It gets me up, and moving and I feel better. I can breathe better (literally). I am stress free around him... It's only been almost 4 months but it feels like a long time. Ive known him since 4th grade, we lost track of each other, and after I moved home from my divorce in 2016, we found each other again. Talked as friends until 2018, we've been crazy about each other ever since. He gave me a ring on the bus in 4th grade, and I still to this day, have that thing. Ive moved 16 times in my whole life, and never lost it. Now it all makes sense. I realized that he was the one my heart was waiting for... The ring is a proven fact, I held onto it for years. 💜

Even just talking about him... He makes me feel better. Ive never had that before.

[tiredeldritchhorror]

OK SO I JUST READ THE THING ABOUT RYAN AND GAVIN DREAMING AND GAV BEING IN A COMA AND NOW IM CRYING THANKS, seriously though you're stuff is really cool and I love you!

Hey hey hey!!!Have a long ass post

Gavin’s coma was caused by a car accident. He was relatively fine though concussed and fell into a coma when he passed out on the way to the hospital.

When he woke up to an empty space and only his patient gown on, he felt alone. So he thought of something more comfortable to wear, and so it was. He learned that he could create anything, objects, land, plants, and animals. No people though. He didn’t want to think about the people that probably have moved on, or maybe not, time was impossible to tell. ———————————————————

Ryan has always been able to cross into dreams. He found it illogical and tried to test it and failed on all accounts, though he did know he had a range where he had to be within 10 miles of the dreamer. He accepted that he could never be rid of it, so he stopped sleeping. Everyone should have the right to privacy and going into dreams was an invasion that he was uncomfortable with.

He got a job at a place where he was allowed to come in at anytime, which was great as he could take naps during the day and avoid getting stuck in someones dream. One day he was so exhausted he passed out close to 5 and thus was caught in a dream. This dream was different though. Other dreams are fuzzy and hard to remember or describe, however, this one was vivid at the start, he felt awake as he looked around.

He wandered into Gavin’s dream. He walked around and found the patient, and he was breath-taking. Ryan had never seen someone so beautiful, or a creeper. Thats when he realized why the world looked slightly familiar, and realized; fucking minecraft. Gavin seemed to notice his presence after the creeper he was tending to started to blink as a warning.

———————————————————

His sleep cycle was normal finally, well as normal as his forced insomnia allowed him. He still took naps and went to bed, and every time he would somehow end up in Gavin’s dream. Gavin’s world was amazing, they were detailed and filled with creatures. He met Gavin’s cats Smee and Columbo a few times. They were wary of every creature but they were tolerate of Ryan and they loved Gavin to death.

He never asked why Gavin was always dreaming and only thought about how beautiful this man was, sometimes he would just look at Gavin and smile, and Gavin smiled back with his beautiful green eyes and adorable long scarf.

Then Gavin asked the date and when Ryan answered Gavin seem so shocked and started tearing up. Why would he cry? Why would he ask for the date? Did Gavin ever wake from his dreams? Why didnt Ryan notice? He never heard Gavin talk about family or friends just his cats and what they could do or be in this world.

Gavin told him then and there after he asked. It was so easy and he never cared to ask, he was a terrible friend. Gavin talked about his crash and how he didnt know if his family or friends were still waiting for him or if they moved on, he assumed his family kept him alive out of fading hope that their son would wake up miraculously. He talked about his friends, his second father figure Geoff, his mother figure Jack. His boi Michael and Michael’s fiancée (or maybe wife now) Lindsey, His godsister Meg and how amazing she was, and of course his best friend Dan whom he did little slow motion videos with.

When Ryan woke up that time he struggled to find the Gavin, as he gave no indication to which hospital was at or the last names of his friends. So he started searching. He started his unhealthy habit of not sleeping to try and find them, find Gavin. When he passed out he tried to pry info from Gavin, who became distant every time his long winded descriptions of his friends ended.

And then he found him, Geoff Ramsey.

———————————————————

It was hard to find him, and even harder to convince a total stranger to met with him. When he started talking about Gavin though Geoff looked so tired and so sad. Its been almost a year since the accident and Geoff was losing hope rapidly, as was Gavin’s family. Ryan tried his best to ask about the hospital and the room number but it felt wrong to ask a grieving man to talk about his possibly dying son.

So he started asking around, he met Gavin’s friends but he tried to keep his distance. He wanted to meet them properly when Gavin woke up. He never told Gavin what he’s been doing.

Then Gavin started fading. At first it was not noticeable, he tried to grab Ryans hand and he phased through it. He freaked out when Gavin was almost translucent. What was happening, he had to look faster, he had to find Gavin.

Then Geoff asked Ryan if he wanted to go see Gavin off. His family was taking him off life support. Ryan freaked out but accepted, and when he saw Gavin in that hospital bed looking so frail and small and sad rather than his usual bubbly and flushed face he wanted to cry. His family was due to come tomorrow and do it, but non family (including Dan and Meg) wasn’t allowed.

That night Ryan tried to sleep and see Gavin and tell him but he couldnt seem to do it. He needed to save him. The next day came and Ryan was running out of ideas, he tried to go the hospital but they wouldnt let him in, saying that Gavin’s family asked for no non family member visitors. So Ryan did what he had to, he took some sleeping pills and prayed that the effects would take soon.

When he finally dozed off all he thought about was Gavin and how this man had changed his life and they never really met outside the dreams.

He hoped he wasnt too late.

———————————————————

The world was empty. No buildings, no wandering creepers. No Smee or Columbi to greet him cooly. All Ryan saw was Gavin sitting on the white floor, transparent that he was just a mirage.

Gavin gave a teary eyed smile to Ryan and shrugged, saying that he was preparing for this since he came here.

Ryan tried to talk but Gavin asked him to sit down for a bit, and he could do nothing to listen.

He leaned on Ryan’s shoulder after seated and started laughing. Or sobbing, Ryan couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he might be too late. So he started talking about what he was doing the last few months.

Telling Gavin that he’d met everyone, how Meg and Dan were suspicious because they knew Gavin so well and they never heard of him. How Geoff and Jack had welcomed him and even started calling him a Gent. How he’d met Michael and his fiancée, they were waiting for Gavin to wake up before they did it as Michael would have no one else as his best man. He’d even visited him at the hospital, and how he cried when Geoff told him that Gav was being taken off life support.

As Ryan finished he turned to Gavin and tried to wipe the tears streaming down the others face. He was crying as well as he said that he loved Gavin, and that he has been the reason Ryan grew to love his gift. He begged Gavin to wake up, and Gavin cried more, and told Ryan that he felt himself being pulled, that he Loved Ryan too.

Then Ryan woke up.

———————————————————

Ryan cried as he sat up from his bed, he sobbed openly and felt his heart begin to break when he heard buzzing, it was Geoff. How could he handle the news that he lost Gavin twice? He had to, because Gavin’s friends and family somehow became his as well. So he accepted and raised the phone to his ear.

‘He woke up’

End (i might make an epilogue if yall want)

[feverhalo]

So. Heres this old fic from uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I really don’t remember how long ago. Originally I had it split into 3 parts on the posts that inspired it- and it was my first attempt at writing anything along the lines of stuffing, but it kind of ended up more like he was already coming down with something. It was on my first attempt at a fic blog- way back when and it got deleted because I didnt know how sideblogs worked back then and goofed. Thought I lost everything, then I found an old disc with a whole whack of it on there.

At the moment I can only find 2 of the 3 posts of the art that inspired it here and here. I’ll link the missing post as soon as I find it.

so um, warnings for vomit, cussing, and over-eating-ish and mentions of drinking. and I also am not editing it because im super lazy so its in the same glory as it was when i posted it years ago (2012 apparently)

2,864 words, apparently.

“Come on people! When I say I want you all mobilized in fifteen I don’t mean in half a damn hour. I mean twenty minutes ago.” Fury fumed over the intercom from his station on scene. His voice bounced off the inside of the transport van and rung through each individual earpiece. “Rise and shine, ‘cause we are in a fucking war against some baddies if you haven’t all noticed. You are my agents and I am expecting you to do your damn jobs at my order.”

“Load of fucking shit,” the sniper agent to Clint’s left mumbled, “two a.m. wakeup call is horseshit. I just finished a mission and got back at ten last night.”

“Yeah, welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D brother, what did you think this was? Day camp?” Clint double checked his packet was still together. He’d read it once they got to their positions, it was too dark inside the van. He shook his head a bit when the other agent went back to fuming. Running on low sleep was nothing, sure the headaches and fuzziness were a pain in the ass sometimes but it’s not hard to get used to. You have to get used to it in this job. Same with messed up schedules on basically everything. They would get an hour tops to set up and get ready for a long haul on their stations.

What he managed to make sense of before climbing in the back of the vehicle through his sleep-fogged mind was that they needed to be ready for anything by three thirty, three forty five at the latest with the other crew up ahead of them set up. He rubbed his face trying to wake up more, must be all the time he’s spent on normal schedule lately, it was causing a real issue. He wasn’t looking forward to the no doubt shitty and militant type food they were all going to have for breakfast within the next hour either. He was getting soft on the new routine of near-normal sleep and actual tasteful food instead of vacuum packed crap made for boosting endurance.

He leaned back to try and get into the mindset for the day. It was going to be a very very long one. Someone mentioned they might be stuck out there until seven that night. By then they’d have relief agents come in to give them a break, but as Hawkeye, well he was probably expected to stay around. Most teams wouldn’t shelf their best shooter if they could help it. He’d probably get a nap in at some stationed area. Though the accidental nap he got on the way there wasn’t something he completely cursed even though he didn’t like the fact of it.

“Alright, come on move out you all got a lot to go over and not much time.” The voice crackling into his ear is what startled him awake, and the hatch of the van swinging open definitely helped make that happen faster. Keeping near silent, everyone filed out and headed into the building while Agent Hill took control of their transport and directed it to their station a little ways away hidden in a different building.

Everyone was handed a pack; filled with the shitty food and bottles of water for their posts, their weapons if they hadn’t brought any and extra ammo and pieces if they did, additional intel for their briefing packages according to pay grade, and some quick hushed instruction to where they were all to be.

Clint took his without a word and made his way to his post. Abandoned, or purposefully emptied, industrial building and the usual sort of interior. Too much moving about would give away his position on the metal catwalk. He had a few windows to observe through and a railing to his back. He dropped his pack as lightly and quietly as he could and set himself facing the railing to observe everyone being dispatched while he read over his briefing package.

Exact sort of thing he expected since they woke him up. Nothing too big, but big enough to require a lot of force if anything went bad. He was given another radio code with instructions to call the other Avengers if things turned too ugly. And it was going to be a long-ass day. No break in sight until afternoon if they were lucky. He ripped open the first package of… well. He opened the first nutritional packet and set to work on it mindlessly while he kept reading and rereading. This was coded, but memorizing it and burning it was always his procedure.

By the fourth read through he was nearly done the second pack. Best to eat as much as he could, as much as he hated it and was off-put by eating at such a strange time after the Avengers got together. Professional agent Clint Barton, code name Hawkeye, sharpest shooter as they came- but totally useless without a sugar rush to start him at this time of night, and hell to deal with if he crashes afterward. Carbs, protein, sugar. The three biggest and most annoying things to eat right now, low on time and rushing to compensate for his mental sluggishness at this hour.

He startled himself with a small belch and nearly dropped everything. He did a quick scan and everything seemed normal. Confused for a second longer as to the origin of the sound, he came to the realization when he hiccupped. Ah. Right. He was eating, and apparently at the speed he was reading if the blooming discomfort in his slightly distended abdomen was anything to go by. He took a swig of the only soda from his pack, no doubt put there as a favor from a very sneaky woman. He let it fizz up in his mouth before swallowing it.

New diet. That’s another thing he reminded himself to update S.H.I.E.L.D on before the next mission. He downed some more soda and let the carbonation work its way back out in a few more small burps. It was definitely a good feeling. He just had to work the rest of the air out before the mission started. No big deal.

“Relax Barton,” He shifted in his new ‘nest’, “nothing you haven’t had to do before. Good to know I can still get mission jitters, heh. Maybe this’ll be fun.” He wanted it to be. He definitely wasn’t expecting this call when he decided to turn in early last night. He tried to tell himself the slight trembling feeling, not that he’d let his hands shake at all if it could be helped, was from nerves. Big man in the world now, sure, but unexpected missions always had excitement to them. Sometimes it left you a little shaken in the best ways. Not that he was sure how good this sort of shaken felt yet, all he could say for certain was that it was strange.

He shrugged his shoulders and straightened out before packing away the left overs and digging out a lighter to burn the paper with. The wind howled a little outside, bringing to his mind the chill of the night.

--

An hour later had him leaning lazily at a windowsill; nothing happened yet that needed his attention or intervention. He kept flitting his eyes about in a restless sort of way, glancing about but never focusing too long and trying to keep that trembling, tingling feeling filling him up at bay. He thought back to the night before, and about being so tired.

“See anything?” Another agent’s voice crackled through his earpiece. He pressed down on his microphone button to reply.

“Not a damn thing,” he drawled, “Anything from your sights?”

“Nothing yet,”

He let up off the mic and sighed. He felt his body buzz again in a wave under his skin and couldn’t help but shake his shoulders trying to get it out. Part of his mind nagged at him with a reminder of feeling distinctly unwell last night.

Drinking. Stark roped us all into it. Thinks just because he has a miracle liver means we all do.

Though it was harder to remind himself of that when he had to shake his shoulders and head again to fight off a wave of fuzziness.

--

It wasn’t for another forty-five minutes, and three updates from Fury himself, until Barton had something to hold his attention. He was crouched low at his post and grabbed at the shirt over his stomach as another wave of pain and sudden nausea shot through him. Sure he’d started idly rubbing his stomach a little earlier; he was getting butterflies was all. Usually something happened by now when they got this many people out that fast. He was getting more nervous the entire time, who didn’t when it came to performance issues? He was still having trouble focusing on the vast nothingness happening today by the time the butterflies started. But now this was throwing him off.

“Any news yet? Getting real bored up here,” he clicked the mic off after and waited.

“Nothing. Should be another hour at most. Getting antsy there, a little flighty? Ha.”

“Ha. Leave the jokes to someone who can handle them, Keith.” He turned down the radio and double checked the microphone was off when he curled up tighter into himself and put his head against the sill as another wave of discomfort washed over him.

Eventually, he had to get back up and in proper position. He felt a bit better after some time elapsed and figured as long as he didn’t over do anything and stayed relatively well hydrated he’d be good enough. He turned the radio back up and opened his water bottle as he slid back into the favored hiding position he found where he could stand full height without being seen. Another hour tops and he’d have something in his sights…

Hawkeye swallowed hard and backed away from his post. This was getting a little ridiculous. He stepped back until the guard rail pressed into his back. He hazarded a quick glimpse over before having to go back to staring at part of the wall to calm his roiling stomach, but his eyes didn’t miss a thing. All S.H.I.E.L.D’s other snipers were still focused at their stations. No other agents or personnel were in the area. He figured it was safe enough to sit down for a little and wait this out. Again.

He dropped slowly and cautiously, trying not to upset anything further, and dropped his legs over the side. He pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the guard rail and tried to focus on breathing evenly. At least if it all went to hell, it would go right the hell off his platform. Damn, even some personal snark wasn’t helping anything.

He shut his eyes tight and willed himself not to moan out-loud. Getting seen and getting heard were two ways to royally fuck up in this job, and now were also two ways to grab unwanted attention and ridicule over his gastric distress. His snaked one arm around the bar running at chest level and pulled his head down to lean heavily on it, holding it for dear life if his whitened knuckles were anything to go by. Clint’s other hand rested lightly on his stomach, too nervous to even try and ease the nausea by rubbing or curling up this time. By how ragged his breathing sounded, even trying to call in now wouldn’t work. His jaw felt glued together anyway, he really didn’t trust opening his damn trap for anything. Static fizzled over his earpiece and some other agents gave short updates.

After a few minutes with no relief Clint resigned that he might just actually lose it here. He shoved the microphone back and double checked it was switched off. Still on the right channel so just in case they did need him it was easy to radio back, he couldn’t back out but like hell he could get up right now. His stomach lurched and gurgled, leaving him coughing a little into his hand to stifle the sound and hopefully to help keep everything down. He felt a rush of stifling heat and sweat beaded on his neck.

Did he mention this was going to be a long-ass night?

“Got someone moving.” Clint perked up as best he could in this situation. Not the best idea, he shuddered and folded forward a bit more. He groped blindly for the water bottle he had been taking sips from to help quell the nausea with until now. He popped it open with his teeth and waited for someone else to give up more information. Nobody would realize he wasn’t looking right now, they’d all be too busy searching their own areas and figuring he was either doing the same or trained on the target already.

“Can’t see them.” Clint groaned aloud, unable to help it. He took another sip from the bottle, but just ended up spitting it out.

“I swear I will never say anything bad about anyone ever again…” he started mumbling to himself disjointedly. Promising things to any deity he ever heard of, cursing them all out.

“It’s the Director. No worries, everyone,” Agent Hill came over the comms. “He and I are double checking parts of the perimeter. The targets shouldn’t be this far back at all.”

“Fuck. Fuck everything and the damn horse it rode in on,” he swallowed hard and tried to ignore the burning at the back of his throat.

“Confirmed. It is Director Fury and Agent Hill.”

Radio silence returned for another stretch of time. Felt like almost another hour. Clint spat down on to the floor below again. Finally giving in to the urge to wrap his arm tightly around his middle, he rocked himself slightly to see if it helped. It did for a small moment. He let out a shaky sigh and glanced back over at the windows where the sun was now creeping up through the clouds of dirt and grime on the glass. He considered moving back a bit and laying down before radioing in his distress, but not before he was sure it was something he could handle. After a few more intense seconds he decided that was the best plan of action.

After about four more seconds his stomach decided that was a stupid idea and he needed to keep his ass very still right the hell where it was. And less than a second after that, Barton was parting with a good portion of his stomach’s contents. There was no elegant or quiet and stealthy way to cover that. He retched. He shut his eyes and shook a little harder after the fact. Resting his head, defeated, on the railing again, he Clint tried to work up the strength and his voice well enough to call it in if someone wasn’t already beating him to it.

“Damnit Barton,” Fury’s voice vaulted up to where Hawkeye was slumped, “What the hell?!”

Clint opened his eyes slowly, he shook a little more in some vague form of terror that filtered through his sickened mind. He scooted back a bit, ignoring the wet dripping of his own vomit onto the floor below. He pulled the mic piece down and flicked it on.

“Sorry sir, Agent Hawkeye reporting,” his voice shook, wavered and cracked a little, but still carried over the radio and down from his nest, “I think I’m a little under the weather.”

“Well no fucking shit.” Agent Hill had retreated a number of steps from Fury and the mess surrounding him. She pulled her clipboard up and started flipping through pages while putting out a radio call for a med truck and a replacement. If he had felt any better, Clint would have laughed at the absurd sight, but unfortunately he was back to fighting to keep down what was left in his stomach. “If you’re gonna do that again I’d like some damn warning.”

All Hawkeye could manage for warning was a quick ‘move-aside’ hand motion before leaning through the gap in the rail again and vomiting once more. By now everyone in the building knew what was going on and were switching radio channels and trying to ignore the sounds of Clint losing it all over the cemented floor.

After a third bout of being sick, Clint was left dry-heaving and limp against the fever-warmed metal. Too shaky to even hold the water bottle that hadn’t left his side today, leaving it to fall below him too when he tried to grab it. Within minutes two medical technicians were helping him down from his nest. He felt so shaky and wrung out he didn’t even attempt to fight them over being taken out on a stretcher. He just laid on his side and curled in on himself as they pushed him past Hill and Fury, who was still cleaning himself up.

“Next time spare us the damn show and call it in before the firework finale, alright?”

“Got it.”

--

[gwisingegooli]

it’s always kinda funny trying to figure out why things ended up the way they did, in terms of all the small decisions and where the mistakes where made

yesterday i was way too fucking tired to hang out w the de anza degens and watch the league of legends world finals. i pretty much took us home from aquis and i passed the fuck out.

and later michael said he kinda wished he couldve hung with them, and later when i woke up i felt the same. but even while sleeping i told michael not to wake me during the world finals and i just peaced the fuck out.

so reflecting on it — i definitely should not have stayed up drinking til like 3 the day before yesterday, when i had to wake up for my rideshare by like 9. especially when the day before i had stayed up smoking and cleaning my room til 5, and then i woke up at like 12. and when the day before that i had stayed up til 5 drinking, and then i woke up for my 8 am, and didnt really have time to nap properly after.

so yeah, a landslide of bad sleeping decisions. but especially the night before, i shouldve turned in early so my body wasnt so done w me.

my rideshare was also fucking awful. my driver was a pushover, and so am i a little bit. and the other guy in the rideshare loved to take advantage of that! he was seedy and shady and i hated him so much for manipulating us because we were nice. he made our rideshare take us to wholefoods, to ross, etc like get his chores done bc we thought it was nbd. i would say i dont want to, or we shouldnt, but i wasnt firm enogh and i ended up getting totally steamrolled over. im never going to let myself get taken advantage of ever again.

michael was super steamed bc i ended up making him wait too, bc i came later than i thought since we were doing this guys fucking chores. i told him i tried to say something but then he texted me — “well you should say fuck no” “you fucking idiot” in separate texts and i thought he called me a fucking idiot. he texted right after “him being the fucking idiot” but i didnt see that because i had put my phone down after the text before trying not to cry.

it literally destroyed me and made me so sad and when he came to pick me up he was super angry, not at me at all, but at what happened. he was frustrated for sure but i thought he had called me that, and it had scared me because i thought it was super unfair and mean and uncharacteristic. it’s crazy that i thought he would even say that to me because he never would??? i think i was super insecure and projecting how i felt about myself, and i still felt it was within the realm of possibility he would say that to me so i couldnt even look at him.

i was quiet on the ride back, and he started talking to me and asking what happened, and i started crying trying to explain. and he said he understood but as the conversation went on he said he didnt understand why i hadnt apologized yet for making him wait. and i said i apologized over text, and im sorry for making him wait. but he said my apology didnt sound genuine. he said he wasnt trying to be difficult, especially on our first meeting. the situation must’ve been very confusing for him because i was reacting to a misunderstanding that we hadn’t know had happened yet.

i told him i didnt know what to do about that, if i am apologizing genuinely. i told him im just trying to understand what happened because it was kind of traumatizing to be taken advantage of like that and then in hindsight realize how you were manipulated, and then come see your boyfriend super angry because i wasnt able to take control of a situation and he has to be part of it all and how scary that was. and he asked me, confused, why i was scared? and i told him i was so tired and hungry and scared and sad and confused and i didnt want to have to do all of this. and he said thats ok, we can drop it.

later i said im sorry for being a pussy. and even though it makes it so that im not looking at myself, im sorry that guy was such a dick that you felt the radius of his awfulness. he laughed and said that felt apology felt more genuine. and he said he was just happy to see me.

when i got home i checked my texts and then i said “oh...” and explained how i had thought he called me a fucking idiot and he dropped everything and came to hug me and apologize and said he would never say that to me and like went hardcore on saying sorry. i was just happy everything was cleared up and i told him not to do that in texts ever again >:( and he was like ofc ;_;

so now after being physically exhuasted i had to go through an emotionally draining experience over a bad text. i bet if i wasn’t so exhuasted i wouldve been able to figure out how to sort things better, and realized why i was so upset.

then i always couldve powered through being so exhuasted but at aqui’s like. justin was so fucking annoying. like listening to justin talk, even when i am fully rested, destroys my social stamina. he makes me want to be rude and ignore him and give one word responses because otherwise i will go crazy. and then if u seem tired he’s like “are you okay?” and its like yes, but no because of you. please stop being annoying.

even looking at will is pretty triggering now because my perception of him has been realigned w how he really is bc of a few recent mishaps. i could go into them in detail but basically he’s just a little kid who has a lot of growing up to do, isnt good at listening, being open minded, planning things.... i had to dd because he fucked up planning on the way there. he told his friends to come and then we ended up heading out when they were supposed to come!! like yes, george shouldve checked his phone for the change in plans but also. stop sending conflicting plans last minute. >:( i am the most tired one here. and then no one else offered to drive because it was all last minute. like i am back for the first time and y’all aint even gonna warmly greet me and take care of me???????? just kidding but also not kidding LOL

so the table seating at aqui’s was fucking awful. daniel was way on the edge when he should be sitting near me and michael cause he’s the only other cool person. alvin was fine but i was like zzz because justin was in the center. justin does like one on one conversations “well” (by this i mean he can keep a conversation going for forever and not in a good way) so he should be on the side. will was playing a fucking phone game so he shouldve been on the side. alvin ended up being on his phone too.

daniel tried to engage but the tables are too far and he could only make like funny eye contact w us every once in a while and i was like TT

so i slowly phased in and out of consciousness and then by the end of the trip i was like. michael. i need to go and die in peace rn.

and thats why i missed worlds. its a lot of situational things but thats why you gotta make sure you aren’t HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) so you can evaluate your situations and fix shit up and be actually alive to take on the world.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

You weren't ready to talk about it, but this is all you'll ever get.

Here's my truth.

I would say in fairly confident I got pregnant on the birthday. It could have been the next 2 days after, but I'm sure it was the night of my birthday.

Yes, I was on birth control pills. I took them every day, on time, like clock work. No, I did not miss a pill or take one late. But there is apparently something about you and I that makes the universe not care if I'm on birth control. Even though we did go almost a whole year without getting pregnant between Persephone and Lillith. April 2018 to March 2019.

Lillith was the reason I had an IUD put in. After receiving a less than enthusiastic reaction from you at the very thought of a baby, I told myself that if this pregnancy didn't last, I would go to a more permanent form of birth control. You made it very clear that giving me a baby was no longer something you were willing to do and I understood that the best I could. My Dr still didnt want to tie or seal my tubes, and I'm kind of thankful for that. So we agreed on a very long term IUD. So now I have a paraguard IUD in and I've had it since April 23, 2019. I can have it removed at any time if babies are in the plans, but I have to have it removed no later than April 20, 2029.

Anyway, when I started dropping hints that I was dreaming about babies and other people were dreaming about me having babies (which is 100% true), I didnt know I was pregnant. So the first couple of days when I said that I wasnt pregnant, I didnt know I was then. I found out a couple days later. I know I pushed a little too hard on the subject and thats what drove you away. But I wanted to know that you would be there for me, at least emotionally. And when you stopped replying to texts or answering calls or calling me back, I panicked. Wholeheartedly freaked me out. When I said that you mean more to me than anyone, even a baby, I meant that.

A couple weeks went by and things were pretty much back to normal with us. I was still holding on to this tremendous secret and I honestly, didnt know what I was going to do. I knew I had time to think about it still, but I didnt want you to freak out and reject me and our baby if I told you the truth. Not that I thought that was what you would do, but I was scared to even risk it. I wasnt willing to take the chance of finding out how you would react at the time. I was terrified of everything.

So I woke up the morning of a March 27th and told myself that I was going to tell you, to your face and accept whatever happened after that. You had already told me the night before you were going to come see me that day after work. I was so ready to butter you up with kisses and blowjobs and pizza and backrubs and shower time and just being the most overly affectionate human being ever. Do you remember what happened the day of the 27th?

You called me when you got out of work to tell me your were leaving. You cancelled coming over to see me, you hung up the phone on me and refused to do anything but text me. I didnt know what to do. I finally built the nerve to sit you down, face to face, and tell you the truth, accepting whatever reaction you were going to have as my fate. Then you cancelled our night together and I took it as a sign from the universe to keep my mouth shut. So I did. I kept silent.

A few days go by and I'm about a month pregnant when I start getting so fucking nauseous that I cant do anything without throwing up. I tried to hide the pain in my body with other things, I blamed being sick on anxiety (though my anxiety was outrageous, it was only 10% of why I was throwing up all day.) I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt shower without puking my brains out. It was horrible and I'm certain my anxiety made it worse. I tried hard not to think about you leaving or about keeping this secret from you.

There were moments, so many moments, I caught my subconscious mind sending you signals. We would be laid down and my hand would put your hand on my belly without me even thinking about it. I was asking for belly rubs and back rubs and asking you to rub my feet because everything hurt so bad. There were a few moments I thought you knew or that you were wondering. One of them was the first time we had sex after I hit 4 weeks and my body starting becoming overly sensitive. I didnt notice it the first time, but as I had 8, 9, 10, 11 screaming orgasms, I thought to "Holy shit. He's going to know if I keep this up. Hes going to ask."

The next 5 or 6 times we had sex, I tried so hard to keep quiet. To keep my screaming to every 3rd orgasm. We have great sex and it's not unusual for you to make me cum 2 or 3 times. So I told myself if I only scream every 3rd or 4th time, you wouldnt become suspicious. So that's what I did.

The last week we were together, before you left, we had two rounds back to back where it was just unreal. In total I remember something like 18 or 19 orgasms. I laid beside you and you looked at me and I remember it just being such a different look on your face. I was like, "fucking fuck I'm fucking busted as fuck. Hes fucking going to fucking ask. Fuck it. If he asks, tell him the truth." But you never asked. You just closed your eyes and even when I asked, "are you thinking about something?" You said, "just about how tired I am." And I subconsciously placed your hand on my belly and we took a nap.

Now you're probably going to hate me in a thousand different ways for this, but it's the truth. When you didnt come over the Tuesday before you were leaving, I told myself I needed to make a choice. Your stuff was packed. You were leaving and there was nothing I could say or do to stop you. I wanted our baby but I wanted you more and I thought if I kept her, you would exile me. So I called and set an appointment to have an abortion. It was one of the most horrific feelings I've ever had during a phone call. My appointment was set for April 23rd at 8am. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. So I started drinking, heavy and fast. I wanted to numb myself. The one thing I said I was never going to do again in my whole life, I now had to do. It was emotionally tormenting to say the least. I had convinced myself that no matter what I did, you were going to hate me regardless.

So I drank. And for 3 days it was all I did. It makes me a horrible person and makes me sick to stomach just thinking about it. I hate every inch of who I am because of it. I deserve to burn in hell fire for all eternity for what I did. Theres no excuse for it and you're welcome to judge and hate me, but you should know it will never surmount how much I judge and hate myself for what I did. The drinking started causing complications. That's why I was suddenly in enormous amounts of excruciating pain. My uterus started contracting and I knew I was going to miscarry. I could feel it happening all over again. The same exact lain I have become so accustom to.

I begged to Gods to keep me together until you left. Just two more days. They were kind enough to give me that. I didnt want there to be any conflict between us with you so close to leaving to the other side of the country. So close to your birthday. So I kept my mouth shut and tried to keep things as normal between us as I could. I wasnt going to be the reason to made any big life decisions. I wasnt important enough for that, nothing about me was that important.

The morning of you leaving came. When I first got our of my car at Mugu Rock, I saw your face and I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything. All of it. Beg you on my knees and plead with the Gods to make you stay. Right there in the gravel, in front of anyone and everyone. I didnt care about anything but not losing you. We sat on the rocks at the beach and stared off into the deep waters, across the horizon. While you were taking mental pictures of everything around you but me, I couldn't focus on anything but you. Memorizing the way your hands felt against mine. I fought hard to memorize every inch of your handsome face, every inch of your body, to count the gold flakes in your eyes and the green speckles. One by one.

You squeezed my hand and it made me want to tell you everything. I was just going to blurt it out and let it be what it was, whatever that was suppose to be. But I turned my head and saw a tear fall down your face. I heard you sniffle and I could feel all your pain and the heartbreak you had. There was no way in hell I was going to add to that. I knew in that moment that I had to keep my secret. I couldnt bare to watch the strongest man I know break down and dare to be the little cunt who adds salt to your already open wounds. I couldnt do it, there was no sound coming from my mouth when I opened it. I wiped the tears from your face and suddenly had no urge to say a word.

I lost Lillith on April 18. I never made it to the clinic. I already hate myself and know it was my fault. 100% my fault. I was drinking for a few days. I wasnt eating, wasnt sleeping, no water. Nothing. I laid in bed after you left and pretty much wished to die every single day for weeks. I laid in bed, that was it. I distinctly recall there being two days I didnt even get up to pee. I let my body suffer because I genuinely wanted to rot into a corpse. I had pain in every inch of everything. When I lost her, I didnt go to the ER, I didnt see my Dr. I just laid there hoping it would kill me. I saw my Dr on April 23rd. He confirmed my miscarriage and told me I looked like shit. He was right.

He did blood work, ran tests. The typical stuff. That's when we found our my kindneys were so dehydrated that they were failing. That's why my apartment fell into such disarray. I was really hoping the whole thing would just kill me. And I kept up my facade with you every day. Keeping to conversation turned on you, and how you were doing so I could avoid talking about me.

I didnt want to tell you I lost her. I told myself there was no point because what was done, was done. There was nothing I could say to you or do to bring her back. So there was no reason in my mind, at the time, to tell you.

And that's the whole truth. Start to finish.

I'm positive you're going to hate me, think I'm vile and foul. You're right. 100% accurate. And I know my sorry wont count at all after everything I did. But I am wholeheartedly sorry. I know I handled everything wrong. All of it. I know in my heart you would have never hated me or left me for dead back then. But I was so scared. I let my anxiety and fear run the show and it cost me everything.

[kurtwarren54]

Baby Sleep Newborn to 5 Months

Today I am sharing our sleep journey with Otis. Let me start by saying that so many of you requested this post and as always, I am sharing our journey with Otis, how his sleep evolved and what worked for us. Each of our little babies are so different so keep in mind what works for one baby and mama doesn’t work for another. Otis has always been a pretty good sleeper from the beginning. I think it is a combination of him just being a good little sleeper and the fact that we were pretty consistent creating good sleep habits from very early on. Otis is 3.5 months in these photos!

Creating a bedtime routine So this might sound a bit intimidating but it’s as easy as just doing a few things to set the mood for sleep. We would dim the lights 1 hour before bedtime, diaper change, swaddle, read a book, offer pacifier, and soothe him before laying him down to go to sleep at night. You might think creating a routine is silly but I think was super helpful since newborns don’t know day from night sleep and this was pretty helpful to regulate his internal clock to the “real world” outside the womb. I will also be honest with you, some nights, we would not read the book, some night you forget to turn the lights down. That is ok! You do your best to be as consistent as you can.

Read a book: It’s amazing how much little ones soak up visually and just listening to our voices. It also creates some great family time for all of us to sit together and enjoy this moment in the evening.

Swaddle: I can’t tell you how much we loved swaddling Otis. At first, they fight it, big time. I feel like most babies fight the swaddle and but in the end, it helps them to calm down and keep their little arms from waking them up because of the startle reflex. This was also a great step in our sleep routines. The swaddle would signify sleep. Our favorite was from Ollie.

Turn off the lights: Since Otis was sleeping in multiple places when he was a tiny newborn, no matter what room we were in, if it was night time sleep we would dim the lights.

Use white noise: For most naps during the day, if he was not in his snoo, we used this hushh portable noise machine. If he was napping while we were out in his car seat we would also use this sound machine. We own of two of them and always keep the second one charged. For night sleep, the Snoo has built in white noise so we used just that while he was in there. Once Otis moved to his crib, we use the hatch nightlight sound machine. The white noise works so well to sooth him, set the mood for sleep, and keep him sleeping.

Use the pacifier: Otis has always soothed himself through sucking so the pacifier has been a really great tool for us (I am not looking forward to the day we have to get rid of it!). When he was little we used the wubbanub but found it would easily fall out of his mouth and we had to keep replacing it. We eventually started using the avent pacifiers and they stayed in his mouth much better.

Places to Sleep SNOO: I get so many questions to this day on whether the Snoo was worth the money. After fully using it and transitioning out of it, I would 500% recommend this to a new mama that is on the fence about it! We used the Snoo mostly at night until he got a bit older to start him doing naps. Since Otis was a houdini escape artist with his arms, we always double swaddled him. Meaning we would swaddle him in our Ollie swaddle and then put him in the Snoo sack that attaches into the Snoo. This was a game changer once we started doing this. To put him to sleep the key to success was making sure he was a little bit sleepy, but not totally asleep before putting him in. We put limits on our motions so that it would not go over level 2. We had a rough patch with the Snoo between months 1 and 2 because we were still figuring out how to put Otis to sleep. Once we tried all the tips I explained above, we had success with the Snoo. And then, our night time sleep got AMAZING. All of a sudden one day, I woke up and it had been 6 hours since my last feed. It was a game changer!! I think the other key thing for me was that he was strapped safely on his back so there was never a moment I had to worry about his safety during those hard nights of no sleep. The Snoo is pretty pricey but in my opinion it’s worth every penny if you are able to budget for it. I also love that they just started doing Snoo rentals to make it more affordable and accessible.

Dockatot: I loved the dockatot. It was easy to move it from room to room for naps and even nighttime sleep. On hard nights where Otis was not taking to the Snoo, we would use the dockatot either inside the Snoo bassinet (turned off of course) or on the bed in between us. We tried to not use it in bed at night and mostly just for the last stretch of nap in the morning. What is so great is that it created a really safe barrier around him and kept him nice and cozy and still safely on his back for sleep. So if you are looking for a good co-sleeping solution to keep baby safe, great place for naps, or place for baby to “hang out in” the dockatot would really fit that bill for you. The dockatot came in handy also for traveling. Since he was used to hanging out and napping in it, we could easily bring it to hotels with us and put it in the crib and he would sleep no problem.

Fisher Price Auto Rock n’ Play: This was also another game changer sleep option for Otis. He loved sleeping in this and it was also easy to move from room to room. We used this mostly for naps. We also used this for nighttime sleep right next to our bed when Otis went through his initial tough period with the Snoo. As parents your start getting creative finding ways to help your baby to sleep and this came in handy so many times.

Baby Carriers: Solly Baby, BabyBjorn One Carrier, Colugo were my favorite carriers for baby wearing naps. I used the solly a lot around the house when Otis was a newborn. It was just so soft and light and it didn’t take me very long to get a hang of the wrap job. The BabyBjorn was one of my friend adjustable carriers and it was such a game changer when we were out and about especially when we had a few weekend trips. So nice to keep baby close and not have to worry about re-wrapping my wrap when I am out and about. A newer carrier I am loving is the Colugo carrier. It’s pretty lightweight which is super appealing to me and snaps together just as quickly as the babybjorn. Basically we have a bunch of carriers in our house an alot of time we have one adjusted for Blake and one adjusted for me.

Other Sleep Tools TakingCaraBabies Sleep Course: Being a first time mom, I had no idea what I was doing!! And I am someone that loves to research and read to learn anything and everything I can. I had heard such great things about Cara’s course and decided it was worth it to invest in her newborn course. It was a set of videos as well as a pdf and it gave lots of great tips on setting up good sleep practices for a newborn but without being too rigid and plenty of room for flexibility. Even if you don’t take any of her courses, she gives alot of great tips on her instagram account here. Blake and I actually watched all the videos together (during our many sleepless nights) and it really helped us to be on the same page taking care of Otis and coming up with a plan together.

Otis Sleep Schedule For the first month, there was no schedule. There would be cluster feeds, shorts cat naps. Nothing is set in stone. It’s a bit of a roller coaster that you just have to ride to figure out what your little one needs. While it was unpredictable, Otis did start to get on his own schedule pretty early on after the first month. He was pretty consistently eating every 3 hours so in turn he was also sleeping consistently. The most important things was to watch his wake windows to ensure he stayed awake long enough but not let him get over tired. You can look up what your proper wake window of time needs to be from the start of your feed to when they nap based on the babies age. When they are newborns they aren’t awake for very long and as they get older they stay awake for much longer. This was a big key in getting him to nap and sleep easier. An overtired fussy baby is not easy to put to bed. No fun for anyone.

It was around 2 months that Otis started to sleep 6-8 hours stretches at night in the Snoo and it was the most game changer thing to happen!!! When you are used to only having 3 hours (or less) between feedings when that time doubles and you get to sleep a little bit longer, things just get amazing. You start to finally feel like a new person!! It’s during this time where we started to create some schedules to loosely stick to. We picked 8PM as bedtime and would put him to sleep around then for his bedtime sleep and then we would wake him for a dream feed before 11PM. A dream feed is basically a feeding that is supposed to be given to baby without really waking them up. But more realistically this feeding aligns babies longest chunk of sleep with our own. So we would always go to sleep after Otis had his dream feed. This dream feed worked great for Otis. Once 3 months hit, Otis was in a pretty good schedule. We continued to keep an 8pm bedtime and 7am wake up time.

Below is what his typical day looks like at 3 and at 5 Months. Keep in mind, this is flexible and it never stays on track. But we really try to keep 7AM a hard wake up time. For instance, if he is up at 6:30AM and in his crib chatting and hanging out, we leave him in there until 7 and then go in and wake him up to really reinforce that wake up time for him. Sometimes if he’s too fussy or really hungry we don’t have a choice and have to go get him earlier but we do our best to stick to that.

OTIS 3 MONTH Sleep + Feed Schedule Wake + Feed #1: 7AM Nap #1: 8:30-9:00AM Feed #2: 10AM Nap #2: 12PM Feed #3: 1PM Nap #3: 3PM Feed #4: 4PM Nap #4: 6PM Feed #5: 7PM Bedtime: 8PM Dream feed: 10:30PM

OTIS 5 MONTH Sleep + Feed Schedule Wake + Feed #1: 7AM Nap #1: 8:30-9:00AM Feed #2: 10AM Nap #2: 12PM Feed #3: 1PM Nap #3: 3PM (sometimes this nap gets skipped and he stays awake) Feed #4: 4PM Nap #4: 6PM (this is usually a quick cat nap) Feed #5: 7PM Bedtime: 8PM

As far as naps go currently for our little 5 Month old, we are still figuring out what works for him. He is skipping the 3PM nap a lot but usually always needs a nap before bedtime so he is not extremely overtired. Will report back on his nap schedule once it gets a bit more regular for him.

Transitioning out of Swaddle Otis started rolling over (from back to front) at 3 months and then fully rolling both directions (front to back and back to front) at 4 months. That meant one thing… it was time to transition out of the swaddle. I WAS SO SAD!! I came to love the comfort the swaddle gave Otis but once they are rolling it’s time to free their arms so they are able to roll freely in their crib. So around 3 months we started to transition him out.

Since Otis was still sleeping in his snoo, we realized that the medium sized snoo sacks have little snaps at the shoulders so you can swaddle them with their arms out. We started by transitioning Otis to 1 arm out during this night sleep. The best time to test this out is at night when baby is at their sleepiest. So we tried one arm out. It was kind of a disaster. Having his arm out just woke up him and he quickly woke a few hours after going to sleep. So once he woke up, we fully swaddled him again until the morning. Each night, we would swaddle him with 1 arm out and see how long he could sleep before having to swaddle him completely again. This is an easy way to test out the waters and get them used to it slowly. We tried the cold turkey method and it just was NOT for us. He acclimated a lot faster than I would have thought given how rocky the first few days were. After about a week he was sleeping normally again with 1 arm out and we even tried naps with 1 arm out once he was sleeping well at night.

After 1 week, we decided to go for it with 2 arms out of the swaddle. The great thing was that he was still being “hugged” by the sack but his arms were free. Took him only a few days to adjust to 2 arms out of the swaddle. This weaning off the swaddle really worked for Otis. Slow and steady and letting him lead the way.

Transitioning from bassinet (Snoo) to Crib This process scared the living shit out of me. At this point, Otis was still sleeping in his snoo in our bedroom right next to our bed. The idea of moving him out of the snoo AND out of our bedroom just broke my heart. My little man!!!! I wanted him close but honestly it was time for him to be in his crib with his rolling I had to man up and get him prepared for that.

Since he was already used to sleeping arms out in the snoo, I decided to make sure he would be comfortable in his crib to test out some naps in the crib wearing a sleep sack. The sleep sack I sleep him in is from halosleep and I love that it still swaddles his upper body because otherwise he pulls and chews the extra fabric. We monitored him closely over our baby monitor to make sure he was ok rolling in this crib and comfortable in his sleep sack during his daytime naps. Of course there is a learning curve with each new transition but Otis was doing great. After about a week of naps, we were ready to make the jump.

We moved the snoo from our bedroom into his nursery to make the first transition. We let him sleep in his snoo for 2 nights and then decided since his sleep was the same, we would move him to his crib on night 3. I WAS SO NERVOUS. I don’t think Blake and I slept a wink that night. Going from the safety of being clipped into the sides of the snoo to free roaming in a swaddle in this giant crib intimidated me but our little Oats was ready.

On night 3 we laid him to sleep in his crib wearing his sleep sack, closed the door, and hoped for the best. Our eyes were peeled on our monitors all night. I am a bit overboard here and we use both the Nanit (which we have mounted on the corner of our crib until he is standing in crib) and then we have a Nest Cam in the corner of the room that shows the whole nursery. So we were able to check multiple angles of him in the crib. Like I said… overboard. But, you do what you feel comfortable with. I think the scariest thing once they start to roll is that they start to sleep on their stomach and you just worry about whether they can breathe. Blake and I would go in just to put our hands on his back to make sure he was breathing some nights. Also sometimes he would get onto his stomach and just get so frustrated that we would have to still help him roll back over even though he was totally capable of doing it on his own. So there was a transition here of making sure to give him the help when he needed it. He really got the swing of things within a week of transitioning him into the crib. I AM SO PROUD. It’s amazing how these milestones just creep up and all of a sudden, you have this grown up baby, sleeping in their own room. At first, I was so sad… the empty spot where the snoo sat next to my bed, the empty dresser where our changing station used to be. But then Blake reminded me, “Our little Oats is growing up! It’s a time to celebrate his achievements.” He was so right. I am one to get overly sentimental during these changes but he always puts things into perspective that these developments just mean we have a healthy and happy man that is growing and changing and that is a beautiful thing.

Overall, these transitions went pretty well for us. But don’t let that fool you. We still had nights where we woke up multiple times to pop in his paci, roll him over, or help him. Baby sleep is a rollercoaster of ups and downs but I do have to say that Otis is a great little sleeper.

The 4 Month Sleep Regression… that never really happened? So the 4 month sleep regression is a REAL thing. The stories I have heard from some moms… it’s tough on both baby and parents. I think because we were going through so many changes with getting out of the swaddle, getting out of the bassinet, and moving him into his crib that for me, it didn’t seem he regressed with night time sleep at all.

Where I did see a regression was with naps! He was always a great napper until about this time. Even now at 5 months naps are a new challenge for us and we are still learning what he needs. When I say he regressed with naps, he just lost his consistency with them. He used to take nice long naps until this regression and then they became much shorter, he would skip some, and it just made for an overall cranky bedtime since by the end of the day he was really exhausted from the missed nap time. Now that he has hit 5 months, I feel we are getting closer to knowing how many naps he needs during a day and to make sure to watch his sleep cues. Basically his awake windows are much longer now since he is older so it’s important for us to keep him up longer but to also recognize when he is on the edge of being tired but not overtired. I look for his yawns, rubbing his eyes, heavy eyes and his behavior and mood. So we are getting back on track with naps and of course will give you all our experience once we have it figured out!

Weaning the dream feed I get a lot of questions about whether Otis sleeps through the night, which he does! (OTIS YOU ARE AN ANGEL!!!) I was still doing the dream feed through month 4. At this point, I was waking my baby who was dead asleep to give him his dream feed. I mean out. Like I really needed to coax him to wake up to feed him. So one day I thought to myself, what if I don’t wake him up for his dream feed? Will he still sleep till 7am?? I thought it was time to experiment.

My thoughts here was that if he truly needed that 6th feeding of the day, he would eventually wake up again (about 3 hours after his last feeding) and be cranky because he was hungry and needed to eat. So one night I just let him sleep and cut out the dream feed and pumped milk instead. And guess what? HE SLEPT TILL 7am. I decided that it was important to give this a few nights to make sure he wasn’t waking up looking for that additional meal. After 3 nights, he was still sleeping through the night so we decided to fully drop the dream feed. I also eventually dropped the dream pump as well. Because more sleep was key. By the end of the day, even though Otis is sleeping through the night, I am still exhausted and sometimes try to go to sleep when Otis does. Or I pass out on the couch often. Mom life right!?!? It’s nice to be one less feed a day. I just need to watch my boobs since I am SUPER full in the morning now.

Soothing Baby to Sleep So at this point, we haven’t started sleep training Otis officially. But, we have been practicing good sleep practices since birth so I think it’s all helped him on the way to being a good little sleeper. We noticed that Otis would soothe himself to sleep pretty easily so once we noticed that, we tried to keep encouraging it by putting him in crib awake, offering his pacifier, putting our hand on his chest with a little love, and then leaving the room immediately. It’s amazing to see that sometimes he just puts himself right to sleep. There are other times that we need to go in, quickly replace his pacifier, and then quickly leave the room. We try to keep our intervening to a minimal.

We try not to rock him to sleep in our arms unless he’s unusually fussy. I think with all the transitions with learning to wear his helmet and going through leaps and growth spurts that we have been having to rock him a bit more recently but overall, we try to let him put himself to sleep. Like I said, we haven’t started any formal sleep training yet but when we do, I will let you know how it goes! I think having the patience to sit through a crying baby is really hard. But it’s clear that he can put himself to sleep. A lot of times in the night, he will sleep cry and even if you go check in, his eyes are completely shut and he cries out in his sleep and then goes back to bed. I didn’t know that baby can “sleep cry” but it’s a thing! Wild.

That’s all for now. I feel like we are constantly learning and evolving as parents and what our little ones need and I will keep you posted as we move into the months ahead. Feel free to leave any questions on this blog post and I will be happy to answer or update the blog post to reflect them.

Other related Baby Posts: NEWBORN MUST HAVES // BREASTFEEDING + PUMPING // GIFTS FOR NEW MOMS

crib // pillow // crib sheet // pajamas // artwork // mobile (similar)

The post Baby Sleep Newborn to 5 Months appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

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[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Hii!! I'm really sorry it took me so long, but here i am once again. You also had a busy week? Eveything okay? You babysitted your cousin again? Jajajajajaj noo. That would be very sad. Do not miss the concert because of that! Bring them ans then you'll see. I saw pics of one of his concerts were people had ballons and it looked wonderful! (1)

Hi love!!  Seriously, don’t worry about how long it takes you to answer me. I know your busy, and you have to study and all that, so… And yeah, last week was a bit busy, so out of normalcy, jajajja. Bc I never have things to do,lol.Yeah, I’ll bring the balloons 🎈 and I’ll see what I do. If it’s a success I’ll take a pic to show you,jajaja. That concert that Niall streamed the other day? They have balloons, jejejeje. It’s from where I got the idea 😅.

I know what a Diskman is, but i nevver had one. Anyway, i was not laughing of Andy and Lucas. I cannot judge since i have only heard one spng that was included in the Singstar Karaoke🤷. Wow, you had a good time in the 2000. You saw the most famous ones!! Ed was magical. His live was so good!! He was there all alonne and he pulled it off so well. Very lively😍 I almost cried when it ended (2)

Jajajajaaja, I know you weren’t laughing at it, jajajaja (but I totally was, lol, it’s so embarrassing). But I guess I was a teen and they were our own one direction,jajajajajajaja (no! Nada que ver!!) You think? I’ve always thought I didn’t go to a lot of concerts. I love music and concerts, so I guess I just wish I could go to a lot more,jajajajaa. Oh Ed… I’ve seen some videos of his concerts, and I want to go to one. He came to Spain around my birthday in 2014? And I wanted to go, but the place was very small and the tickets were sold out in a few minutes. I didn’t fight for them too much, either,jajaja. I’m happy you enjoyed it!!! That feel at the end of a concert is the best and the worst at the same time.

Noo! He is not disgusting. Poor baby. JAJAJAJAJ. You really managed to find a larrie at the concert? It could have been any fan, or even a het one, and you found the larrie? Lucky girl!! Yep. She is updated on everything. Only thing she doesnt follow is Harry’s suits, which is a pity because they are The Best and I dont even like fasion but still they make me want to chance my mind. I would love to see him at the Met Gala. He would be the king of the event. (3)

Oh, my baby, I love him, jajajaja, but he’s so weird… 🤣🤣🤣🤣.Not only did I find a larrie. I sold her my tickets,jajajaja. But lol, we were so afraid someone would hear us talking and say something to us 😅😅.Genuine question: how does she keep updated? I’m always missing things, and I live in tumblr, jajajaa. I don’t know how people can keep up with everything!    I’m always thinking I’m doing something wrong,jajajajaj.Harry’s suit are in another league. I admire him just for being brave enough to wear them. He would be the king at a Met Gala. But it bothers me that they always talk only about what women wear at those events. He should start walking red carpets to show the world how do you wear suits,jajajaja.

Is it later already? Can we talk about you being a witch? Yay!! You already started the tag. I now have a tag😎 i feel cool. (I’m jealous of your cousin-in-law (?) too. Uni would be much easier with that ability). I feel a bit stupid, but i cannot understand how they can say he is slow while at the same time he is doing all of that, but, Go little boy!! I’m cheering on you! (4)

Jajajja, we have this joke in my family where we say I’m half witch,jajaja. It’s just I’ve have night dreams sometimes, that predicted the future? Jajajajaj like once I had a dream about a girl how comes to the shop. In the dream, she was at the hospital,very ill. Well, I had been a few weeks I haven’t see her, and I told my sister about my dream. I didn’t thought anything about the dream. But that same evening that girl’s mom went to the shop. And my sister told her about my dream. And the mom told my sister that her daughter has been hospitalized for more than a week, very ill (but she was already recovered). My sister called me immediately after,jjajaja.Then, another night I dreamed with two crows. I was walking down an empty road, and they were flying behind me. One closer to me than the other. (Ufff, I still get anxious thinking about it). When I woke up I looked up the meaning of dreams, and find out that crows mean death. Well, the next month my brother-in-law’s granny died. And the next week my cousin. (See? One closer to me that’s the other…) I was so scared back then… And well, I’m always having those gut feelings, or whatever they are. Like last year I predicted the date when that baby girl I’ve talked to you about was going to be born,jajajaja. My sister is always asking me to see the future,jajajaja. But it’s something I don’t control,p (and don’t fully believe, jajajaa) eh eh!!! I just remember another thing!!! Jajajaja, fandom related, even. One day I was taking a nap, when Suddenly Louis came into my dream telling (about something he had bought for D*nielle😅): it’s Gucci! It’s Gucci!! Well, I woke up after that and opened tumblr. And there were new pics of Louis wearing that jumper with a bee and a fence phrase? And everyone was crazy screaming IT’S GUCCI!! IT’S GUCCI!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣. And I was still half sleep thinking: I did it again…😅.

Yeah!! You ARE cool. And now have your own tag!!jajajjaWell, I don’t understand that about my cousin, tbh. And I don’t know how to explain it either. He knows (or memorizes) those things, but I’m not sure if he understands what they mean. But also then he has trouble understanding simple things. Like if he wants to eat something (chocolate) and you tell him that he has to eat dinner first, and then he can eat the chocolate, he doesn’t get it. And it’s not like other stubborn kids. It’s just he doesn’t understand what late means. Or he doesn’t like to have his hair cut, because he thinks it won’t ever grow out again. Same with cutting his nails. I’ve discovered now that he doesn’t mind having them filed out (Limadas), so I do his nails whenever he has them too long,jejeje.

Yes!! You really did manage to put rainbows on the cake. How smart and sneaky. And it looks so good😍. You did all that? JAJAJAJJAA Listen, i would trade my non existent masculinity for those marshmallows and i dont even like them. Thats how good they look. Yeah, nop. I’m not going to do that. We arent that close anymore, i probably wont see her for a couple of months and i dont think she would listen. She only sent it to me bcs “ tu eres feminista y toda esas tonterias” and wow. Okaaay. (5)

I’m pleased to inform you that that cake was a totally success,jajajaja. Someone saw while I was making it and asked me if it were for a gay parade? I just told him it was for a baby. Well, I make another similar one yesterday and he saw it again. And he started making rude comments about gays, and how they’re expanding like a disease, just because it’s a trend now to be gay. AND I CAN’T YELL AT HIM!!! 😡😡 I just sent him a very mean look (convine these 😒🤨 emojis and that was my face) and ignored him till he went away. I HATE THAT PEOPLE!! So ignorant. But they’re worse, bc the talk like they know what they’re talking about or like they are right. And NO! Aggggg.🙄“Tú eres feminista y todas esas tonterías” wow, why didn’t she ask you for more help!! She sounds so kind… (since this is written, I’m reading that how better I please,jejje. Maybe he’s kinder that how that sounds…). Well, there’s nothing worst that people how doesn’t want to learn and hear, so… sometimes it’s simpler to ignore them 😒.

I tried explaining it to my others friends though, pointing the flaws of the sentences and they just thought i was being picky. So…i tried, but they are not going to change their minds. Which, fair enough. Oh nooo. Poor kittens :( My examens are starting next week. But this week i have to finish some assignments and they are nightmares. I have cried many times this week because of them. I hate theeeem. (Not much to keep you informed but okay. I will). (6)

Uggggg, I don’t have any advice for you. I never went to uny, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ Take it the more easy you can, but it’s something you have to go through to reach you goal, so. Look at that,jejeje, your goal. And after all this work, summer is waiting for you, so, another thing to look for up,jajaja. Good luck with everything.

Also, that story was horrifying but useful i guess?? That CD sounds heavenly. I would buy it too (but like, in a year or so bcs thats how i work xd). It wasnt “tomorrow”. And still, no news. I’m waiting for some announcement. I just want something to change. I hope the future brings only good things to Lou. Pretty please? Yeeees. Liam was/is everywhere and i’m all in for that. L, you are doing amazing sweetie. 😍 (9 of 10)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 YOU’RE SO FUNNY!!! Jajajajajaja.Yeah, it wasn’t tomorrow, nor yesterday, nor ever. I’m so impatient!!! Did you see he reappeared today?? He’s just so cute. He has had his hair cut again. I love his hair like that 😍😍. Please, let it be an announcement soon!! (I’ve read theories about him letting his contracts run out so he can free, and if that’s the case, I’m all for it, lol, even if I have to keep waiting for another year (please no)).Liam is truly everywhere. It makes me so happy. The other day the played For You in Pasapalabra (I don’t know if that’s a common thing, bc I don’t watch tele5). And yesterday they talked about him in all the programs at Los40. Mentioning his appearance at the festival. And the have tweeted something’s about him. And I don’t care if they use him as clock baiting, if they talk about him, I’m happy.

(Just read that you were working today. I reckon you didnt babysit your cousin. Oops. I never guess correctly). You went to the doctor? I dont want to pry, but are you okay? I hope you are good!!!💕 1 day until Niall show!!! It’s already thereeeee😱😱😱😍 Ooh. My weekend was dull, i studied and that was it. Thanks for asking!! What about you? Anything interesting? Have a good night!😘😘😘 (10)

Yeah, I had to work yesterday, AND babysit too, jajaja. But we have some spare space at the shops, so I took my cousin there, and between my mom and I , took care of him. So, yes, you were correct. Your memory is better than mine (a lot better).Yeah, I went to the doctor. Everything is okay, thanks for asking,jeeje. They just have to check my lungs and heart for some surgery I want/need to take (but I don’t talk about it yet, jejeje, bc I don’t want to jinx my luck,jejjje).TOMORROW I’LL BE SEEING NIALL!!!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! How is your sister doing???? Jajajjajaja I’m so nervous/excited!!!! Jekjdnffieornvonerv I did my nails this morning, and of course, I got and Irish flag on one of them,jajajaja.. I can’t wait anymoreeeeee. I hope I can take good videos,jajaja, and that we’re close enough to see his nostrils,🤣🤣🤣🤣.The most interesting thing of my week haven’t happened yet,jajaja. I’ll tell you everything on Sunday (bc Souter day I’ll be dead and have to work 😩😩😩).Tell your sister to have the time of her life. And ask her to FaceTime you for a bit so can see Niall at least!!(still wishing you could go too. Another time, I guess).Have a good day/weekend/week. And don’t stress yourself about answering.

Pd: for how long do you have exams? I hope it isn’t too long. Are they finals? (I know nothing about this 😅)