everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent
but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should
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When frankenstein's creature said accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? And when Judas said why didn't you make me good enough so that you could've loved me? And when wych elm said why did you do this to me? I was your baby. You made me. But then sophokles said, i am the shape you made me, filth teaches filth.
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One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.
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i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house
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The number of times I've caught myself in the middle of telling myself how worthless, unlovable, dislikable and embarrassing I am is too many. It's almost every day.
And sometimes I correct myself and say "I am not unlovable" "I am allowed to make mistakes" "I have grown and changed since then."
Sometimes, I just wallow in the shame.
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it's so funny how not being loved by my mother gave me a murderous rage whilst not being loved by my father gave me a clingy ass and an amazing sense of humor
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Someone please refer to me as they/them....I spent 4 hours with my unaccepting family yesterday and my skin is crawling from all the she/hers.
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It's terrible knowing that if I ever show sadness or show anything emotion that's not positive towards anything whether it's my fault or not I'll either get blamed for it or told that my emotions are irrational.
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