#tr: all sorts of feelings are being mixed together…. it’s making my heart pound!

[rasmot-corner]

Vent Story: Burden

As the title suggests, this is a story for me to Vent. A few things have been bogging me down lately, and the same stupid thought keeps entering my head. As such after being able to sleep a little bit longer and so on, i was able to sort of turn that all into fiction. 3,553 words of it really. I know not everyone is going to enjoy it, it won’t make tremendous amounts of sense and all of that. But i’m just putting it out here so that people i trust and care about will see it. So be warned, bit of blood and all of that. It is also a bit action based so there is that too. I hope someone enjoys it. All i know is that it helped me really.

Shallow breaths echoed against the steel and metal in the chamber. Bright unblinking screens surrounded the periphery, creating an unbroken 360 degree view of the exterior. The light from the screens stung his retina as he flicked from screen to screen and back again. Hands and fingers trembled against the twin joysticks as he tried hard to keep still. Headphones were clamped to his ears, a constant stream of sound and noise from the exterior filtering in. Were he in a better state of mind, a better time, a better place, a better position, he would take his time and listen to the sounds of nature all around him. A desperate whimper escaped his mouth as he tried to calm his breathing just to concentrate. Taking just a moment he looked to his right shoulder, a piece of jagged metal protruding from it. He was thankful that the suit he wore had managed to seal around the wound and prevented him from bleeding out.

 He forgot how many times this was. Did it even matter anymore? Once? Twice? Three times? Fifty? All that he knew was that he was sick of it happening again and again. Every time he let down his guard to trust someone or a group of people, most times they would just end up doing the same thing. They would turn their backs on him and of course hunt him down. It was always an ambush. And this time hurt like all the other times before it. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and gripped the jagged piece of metal and held his breath. With one yank he tore it free. His entire body screamed in agony as he thrashed and kicked in the metal cockpit. Slamming his fists and hands and feet against the metal walls as the painkillers finally filtered in to the wound. Finally he screamed out in pain inside of the sealed cockpit. Screamed and screamed and screamed till tears flowed from his eyes and the screams became sobs.

 Tremors crissed and crossed all up and down his body as he tried to sink into the cushioned pilot’s seat. Sobs wracked and clawed their way out of his chest as he covered his face with both hands. The suit of course sealed itself tight around the wound. Not that it mattered. It wasn’t the wound that hurt the most. It was a week earlier that he had found another pilot like him, female of course, and of course he fell for it. She would introduce him to her group of other pilots. It was a small squad and most of them seemed okay. That was except one of them. He had seen it before. There were those that liked to lie, those that had someone else in mind, and those who were just plain psychotic. And always, always he would blame himself for getting into those messes. He would always feel like he said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing or just fucked it up in some way. That was one of the reasons why he didn’t get along with the corps. They would always call him a fuck up. Maybe this time they were right.

 The radio crackled to life with a female voice. “TR-468, do you copy? Repeat, TR-468 are you out there??”

 “Wh-what!?” He scrambled for the radio and tried to get a connection. “This is TR-468! Repeat, TR-468 responding! What the hell are you guys doing out here??”

 A low chuckle came from the radio. “What do you think we’re doing buddy? We’re trying to get you the hell out of here.”

 “Who the hell is that!? Hey, back off!! This is our hunt!”

 He cursed himself. Out of all the pilots he had ever met, only a few of them were close enough to allow him to consider them friends. And now they were in the crossfire. The one place he didn’t want them to be in. His fingers danced over the controls to the radio. He was trying to get them back on again or to speak to them. It was of course of no use. They were now jamming the signal and he had no choice but to start up his unit again. Yet again he felt like a useless burden. Like he was yet again just a waste of space that got others hurt. Teeth grinded together as he flicked through the start up sequence and flicked the series of switches and controls required. He was thankful for the black and green paint he had splashed his mechanized unit with as he started it up and raised it upwards.

 The mechanized units had become a standard part of warfare now, Bipedal robotic units with a pilot inside that could carry and dish out tremendous amounts of pain. Every soldier had one, either given to them by their respective corps or given to them by third parties. All of them were geared differently and kitted out to the liking of the user. Each soldier had their preference on combat; his was about mobility, firepower, and being able to take a pounding. He closed his eyes and pounded his closed fist twice against the metal hull of the Mech-unit before gripping the controls. His left thumb flicked rapidly over the switches to enable the flight module attached to the back of the Mech-unit before he stomped on both floor pedals. The loud screaming whine of a red hot exhaust echoed through the cockpit as he gripped the controls and prepared to be launched upwards. The entire Mech was launched at a 90 degree angle deeper into the tree line. All of the screens suddenly went red as the missile lock warning blared over the displays. He barely had enough time to turn to see the missiles screaming for him. His trigger finger flicked off the safety before he rose up the Mech’s right arm and yanked the trigger down. The screaming whine of the rotary gun mixed with the blasting howl of the thrusters as he fired off a hail of bullets directly at the missiles. He caught them both; the furthest one was hit first before the closest detonated. The explosion launched him backwards. His feet were forced off of the floor pedals as his head slammed into the cushion and the Mech rocketed towards the ground. The first slam was the hardest as the entire cockpit jostled with the impact and he went into a small roll before everything came to a stop. The tug of the safety harness against his chest and the slightly brown color to the screens was enough to tell him that he was face first in the dirt. Grabbing both controls for the arms and working the pedals he got himself upright again. Damage indicators thankfully showed nothing other than a minor dent in the outer hull layer of the Mech itself. He was about to start moving again when he heard more screaming engines in the distance. It was an artillery barrage. He flicked the switches and changed from burst flight mode to horizontal thrust and slammed the floor pedals down again. The entire Mech rocketed forwards into the tree line as he dodged and weaved through them, multiple explosions rocking the ground behind where he last was.

 “Son of a bitch! He keeps fucking moving!!”

 A feminine voice came on over the radio. “I knew I should’ve aimed for the center! I should’ve aimed straight for his stupid heart!!”

 “Well maybe NEXT TIME think about that! After all this is your boyfriend’s stupid idea!!”

 Another male voice came in over the speakers. “Can it, both of you. He couldn’t have gone far.”

 He clutched his chest for a moment before he cut the thrusters and started to move his Mech into a slow jog through the trees. Hearing her voice was bad enough on his mind. Then he heard her lament not killing him sooner, or aiming straight for his heart. That was what hurt more than her voice ever could. He knew it was stupid to feel this way. There were no true feelings for her but he just wanted some companionship. All he wanted was just one night where he didn’t feel absolutely alone. He couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his face as he tried to pilot the Mech, wiping them away as best as he could. And now he was being hunted yet again, being hunted for either his money, his Mech or whatever else they wanted. He tried hard to think of what to do. There was only so much more that he could ever take.

 He glanced up to the upper portion of his Cockpit. Pictures lined the upper portion of friends, people who actually did stick around. All of them had their own unique Mech-units, each painted a different way. He paused on one and very gently stroked against the picture for a moment. Out of all of them, she was the one who stuck around the longest. He took as many bullets as he could for her and stuck with her for so very long. She had seen these hunts before and been there to help him through it. And he had been with her to help her through hunts of her own, knowing how they worked what the play was. His eyes moved back to the screen and he stopped his entire unit dead in its tracks. It always played out the same way in the end. It always ended in the same way. They would chase and chase and chase until they finally would knock him down and he would just barely get out of there alive by sacrificing a piece of his Mech. It was always an arm, weapon, thruster pack, sometimes even a leg.

 Not this time.

 Flicking over the controls to the flares, he slammed his fist down on the controls and turned his Mech around. He flipped on his personal playlist and glared at the screens. Now he was pissed. Now that his best friend, someone he cared for and loved above everything else was in the battlefield with him. Now that she was in the fray? He was pissed beyond all reason. He didn’t even wait for the response flares from the hunters as he kicked his Mech into overdrive. His breathing went shallow again as blood flooded and flared through his body. The pounding of his heart was immense and loud, threatening to overpower the music blaring in the Headphones. Sweat poured down his body through the suit as his Mech stomped closer and closer to the hunters. He could see them on the periphery. Each one of them was starting to bear down and get a lock on him. Waiting and salivating to fire the first shot.

 He wasn’t going to give them the chance.

 Quick a quick juke he moved his Mech right out of the way of the first blasts and let it slide as he brought up the Rotary cannon. He roared out loudly as he depressed the trigger and let the entire Mech shake as he unloaded round after round after round into the Mech closest to him. Thousands of rounds rattled and screamed out of the rotary cannon as each one penetrated and perforated into the hull of the Mech. The constant ring and ting of the brass shells slamming into rock, dirt, and tree root was almost deafening. Just before the other Mech could even react he locked every single missile launcher onto it and slammed the fire button down. More missiles than ever was needed roared out at close range and slammed into the Mech, burrowing and then exploding as the fuses finally caught onto what happened. Smoke billowed out from both the launchers of his Mech as they slammed close and what was now a hunk of scrap metal as the Mech fell over.

 “Two flat lines! Repeat! Two flat lines!! He cratered the hell out of them both!!”

 There was a growl from the leader. “What the hell? Are you certain!?”

 “No doubt about it, that’s where the flares from the fucker came; now I really wish I had killed him outright.”

 A grumble came from the leader. “Stay focused! I want a lock on that Mech and I want that pilot dead! Try to save some of it, would you?”

 “I got this boss, you guys flank ‘im!”

 So the loud mouth wanted a piece of him first? That was fine by him. He grinded his teeth and started the Mech up again, ejecting the spent cartridge for the Rotary cannon and swapping it to the left arm. He pulled the Plasma cannon from the left arm and let it slot it and checked the charge. It wasn’t a full charge, but it was enough. He tapped the controls for a brief moment and found the source of the radio burst. After he found a good place he waited patiently and brought the long range targeting display onto his screens. He wasn’t going to try and snipe the loud mouth. That wouldn’t satisfy his rage nearly enough. Instead he was going to jump on top of him and burrow his cannon straight into the cockpit and slag the entire thing. The loud mouth was coming in over the horizon, and he began sighting him in and tapped patiently at the joysticks. He was just about to move when he heard a dull thud. He glanced to the Plasma cannon and scrambled to remove it.

 It was far too late.

 The entire Plasma cannon detonated with the arm of his Mech unit with it. The entire Mech tumbled down the small mountain as he tried to keep it from falling too steep or too hard. He managed to finally right it at the last moment as he thudded down onto the ground on both feet. Staring him down was the loud mouth who was charging a Rail cannon. The cannon went off right as he made the Mech dive straight at the loud mouth, the round missing his Mech and landing into the rocks behind it. Both Mechs collided and tumbled. The loud mouth tried to fire off a burst for the head of his Mech which had all the sensors and viewing scope. He managed to move the head away enough just to be able to force the Mech of the loud mouth onto its back before he dropped down the artillery cannon on his Mech’s right shoulder. There was a brief murmur of “oh shi-“ as the cannon went off five times straight into the cockpit. There was nothing but bloody paste and burnt out instruments left when he was through.

 Grabbing and ripping the right arm off of the loud mouth’s Mech he went for a retreat to buy himself some time. Disabling the locks on the Mech’s arm he managed to get the upper arm portion free from its port and dropped the rest of the arm. He then unlocked the upper arm portion of his right arm and dropped the dead weight before slotting it in. A little peeved by the color choice and the fact that the arm was bulkier, he slotted it in either way and did a quick system reboot of the arm and plopped in the previous drivers while piloting his Mech. Thankfully he had a spare Plasma cannon and slotted it into the new arm, letting it take a firm hold. The charge however was only half full. That meant he needed to dig into the hull of the next Mech with the shoulder cannon until he had a clear shot with the plasma, or use up the entire charge on one shot.

 Another thud and explosion came from his left as another of the remote charges exploded, this time bringing down a tree. He could only guess as to whom that was. Which meant his objective was clear now. He weaved and ducked the Mech through the tree line as he followed the mountains down. Multiple explosions went off and took trees with them, threatening to deforest the entire area with remote explosive munitions. That was before he heard the whistle of something else. He dove with the Mech and avoided three razor edged circular blades that sliced through the tree trunk and the next tree after that before stopping. Every piloting skill he had was put to the test as he ducked and weaved through the trees to avoid the buzz saw blades. Finally he found something he could use to his advantage. He continued straight on before doing a complete 360 degree spin and firing off a pair of tow cables at a pair of solid rocks. The cables slammed and dug into the rocks before becoming taut and reeling in to keep him from moving. This caught the other Mech by complete surprise who was trying to come to a stop.

 There was far too little time for that now.

 Flicking on the horizontal flight controls and slamming on the pedals he flung his Mech forwards and cut the tow lines. He rammed his right arm straight into the enemy Mech in a punch and held the trigger down for the plasma cannon. The whining charge muffled out the screams of the pilot as he finally let go of the trigger and stopped the thrusters. His Mech came to a stop and the enemy Mech slowly oozed off of the arm as the hot plasma had nearly liquefied all of the metal and turned the pilot into molten cinders. He shook off the Mech from his Mech’s arm and replaced the Plasma cannon with the Rotary cannon as he went to look for the last one. He paused for a moment with a slight realization as to who he had just killed. It wasn’t the woman. No it was the leader of this whole ordeal. It was the one who put her up to hunting him down. He was about to turn but was caught by several repeated cannon blasts to his Mech’s left side. The first three had flung his Mech to the right, the next three had dug through the armor and the last one opened a hole in the cockpit.

 Bright light flooded his vision and the yanking motion of a Mech grabbing his own was felt. The opposing Mech’s cockpit opened and he was met with the Woman yet again, face to face. Tears were streaming down her eyes and a visage of pure anger hung on her features. The left arm of her Mech was holding his in place while the other was holding a barrel aimed straight for his chest.

 “You were supposed to run! This was supposed to be easy!! But you killed them! First my friend! And then my . . .” She paused and glared at him. “Are you happy now? Are you happy with what you’ve done!? This is YOUR FAULT!”

 He stared into her eyes before he clenched his jaw and shook his head. “No. This is yours. When you slammed the door on me, when you turned me away, when you decided to join in on this “hunt” . . . that’s when it stopped being my fault.” A sneer broke out across his face. “I am happy now; I get to see your true form. Not the mask you lured me in with.”

 “You son of a bitch . . . well now it’s the last fucking thing you will ever see!”

 The cockpit slammed shut and he waited for the end. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath only to have it interrupted with loud cannon blast slamming into the side of the opposing Mech. His own Mech was dropped and he frantically looked around only to see it in the horizon. As smile broke out on his face as he saw the familiar soft pink Mech parked on top of the hill. A couple more followed it, all familiar Mechs to him. They were his friends that he had heard earlier. They all managed to chase off the Mech and got his own standing. He didn’t take a moment to say thank you, instead he slammed his fists on the missile controls and braced as his Mech fired off a volley of missiles at the retreating Mech. He watched as they detonated and exploded on his target, the faint cry of pain signaling the fact that the pilot was now no more.

 One of his friends watched and made a slight gesture with the arm of their Mech. “Was that really necessary?”

 “I think so.” He looked over to see the cockpit of the pink Mech open up, the pilot smiling. “After all, I probably would’ve done the same.”

 He smiled and nodded as they all turned and went back towards home. Each of them helping his Mech to walk back home. They all took turns and breaks as they made the long journey through the forest. But he didn’t care how long it took. All that mattered to him was that he had his friends with him, and they would help him through the worst of times.