#trash can of emotions

[100percentdirtball]

i started a gofundme with my partner today, to get us out of texas to a state that's more hospitable to trans women & disabled people. i sent a little tweet, to start sharing the link, and a couple people asked if i was sharing it on tumblr, and i said "i'm gonna make a longer post about it for tumblr!"

i've been trying to write that longer post all night. i just... i don't have it in me. i'm exhausted, and i'm terrified. i know the version of this post i should be writing is a little upbeat, and for the emails to my family & Facebook & insta & all that shit i'll be my best self.

here i feel like i can just tell you... y'all, i'm scared. the legislation is scary, but the people - people i know! i've lived in texas my whole life, i've got texan roots grown deep! - are scarier. i used to feel at home in austin. i used to say there wasn't a neighborhood i didn't feel like i belonged in, at least a little.

now, i get stared at at best, yelled at and followed at worst, every time i step outside my door.

i'm scared. i'm tired. and i'm so, so sad to have to leave my home.

please share this post. i'm not gonna lean on you to donate, i don't want you feeling guilty if you can't. lord knows it's hard these days. but please do help this message spread.

[notmoreflippingelves]

Actually going insane over the implications of Jason asking Dick to be the Robin to his Batman in Battle for the Cowl.

Like I initially took it at the purely surface-level of Jason wanting a partner in the general sense. Which made sense, it's a huge responsibility and a lonely one so an assistant/sidekick/partner seems a no-brainer if you can get one.

But then I really thought about it, because Jason is not asking Dick to be his partner in the general sense; he's not even asking Dick to be his Nightwing. He's asking Dick to be his Robin.

And they both know exactly what Jason means: "Be the light to my darkness. Be the smile to my scowl. Be the hope to my fear. "

He's saying "Be 'Robin'; be the embodiment of Love and Justice and Goodness. Be the exceptional person that you have always been. Be the slightly-less exceptional person that I was when I wore your colors. Be the person that I was in the process of becoming and might have been (or might still be), if only Joker hadn't clipped my wings."

He's saying "I am prepared to become vengeance, become the Night. And I will go further than Bruce ever dared to, because it is what is needed. I will be the necessary evil. But you don't have to be. If Batman is Gotham's curse, Robin has always been its blessing. I will be the brutal punishment to our world, and I am asking you to be its incandescent gift."

He's saying, "Be for me, what we were for Him. Be my anchor, my comfort, my hope. Remind me what it's all for, why it's all worth it. And remind yourself as well."

He's saying "Be 'Robin' again--for both of our sakes."

[sanjifucker42069]

Sanji x Reader drabble

Word count: 1.5k

I am so in love with this man. I have so many feelings about Sanji, about his past, about him hiding his anxiety. And yeah this is based on a scene from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries lol.

Sanji sees someone associated with his past, you calm him down. (Mild comfort, fluff, pre-timeskip, pre-relationship, no one is aware Sanji's a Vinsmoke by birth yet. Gender neutral reader)

It was a lazy day, the kind that makes Sanji's face stretch into a languid catlike grin. There were no pressing issues, no captain getting into the worst trouble imaginable, no swordsman annoying the shit out of him. Life was good. To top it all off, here he was, enjoying a drink in a small island pub with his favourite straw hat. 

Life was so good.

You had chuckled when he'd offered to buy you a drink as a thank you for joining him today. The sound was like wedding bells to him; loud, low, and one that made his heart race. He'd beamed at you when you'd agreed, pulling you into the nearby bar.

The two of you had been chatting for hours,  beyond comfortable with each other. It had been so good to be away from the others, just having your complete undivided attention. And soon enough, the sun was setting, the two of you too wrapped up in having fun to even notice.

You sighed. “I suppose it's time we got back, last thing we need is a search party looking for us.”

It was regrettable, but Sanji agreed. He'd s get the walk back with you, so win-win, really. With a flourish that made you smile, Sanji offered his hand, gently helping you out of the booth.

Life was good.

Or it would have been, had Sanji not seen it. A man. No, not just a man.

A Germa66 soldier

His blood ran cold. It couldn't be like this. No one knew his true lineage, and he was not about to ruin his whole life by telling you all! No. He couldn't let you know. Sanji could practically see how hurt you'd be, how he'd lied to you by omission. 

He'd finally gotten another family, he was not going to let some random soldier ruin it!

And besides, what was someone from Germa even doing here!? The implications made anxiety try to claw its way out of Sanji's chest.

You, unbeknownst to Sanji, were studying him. One second the two of you were giggling like lovestruck teenagers, the next he was frozen, eyes trained across the bar.

“Ji? You okay?”

Nothing. Sanji was still.

“Sanji!” You clicked your fingers in front of him. “Eyes on me. Nothing to worry about, ‘kay?”

The cook didn't move, still staring at the man across the room with palpable fear. You could practically taste the anxiety rolling off him in waves. 

“Just…someone from my past.” He managed to breathe out.

“And you're safe. Eyes on me. If you keep looking at him he's going to see you. Look at me.”

His shaking eyes regarded you for a second before wandering back to the soldier. You had no idea where they were from, or how they knew Sanji, but right now you didn't care. Based on how badly he was trying to cover up his fear, you were certain this was big. 

He didn't budge when you tried to direct him to you.

“Sanji!” You bit as quietly as you could. 

Sanji looked so scared, so helpless. It hurt your heart. Running out of ideas you cringed. You had one, but it wasn't exactly the best. But Sanji needed his crew right now. He needed someone to ground him.

With a speed you didn't often muster, you forced the tall man to look at you, hand cradling his chin. The fear was still apparent in his eyes, but ever the agreeable boy he stared in your eyes. You felt him startle when you wrapped your free arm around his neck. 

A small apology left your lips.

Before he could turn his attention back to panicking you pulled him down to meet you, kissing him softly. Using Sanji's shock to your advantage you spun the two of you so you could keep an eye on the man that had your friend so desperately afraid. 

Sanji gasped into the kiss, and for a moment you were worried he was going to push you back. His hands were thrust towards you, palms splayed. You braced yourself for the impact.

But it never came.

Instead you felt his strong arms encircle your waist, one travelling to clutch at your back, the other snaking to hold you closer against him. Sanji melted against your lips, a small noise of appreciation slipping out. 

Shit, he was a really good kisser. You fought the urge to close your eyes, to just give in and kiss the man silly, but you had a job to do. It felt wrong to kiss Sanji with your eyes open, but you trained your eyes on the man he was scared of. The soldier was exiting the pub with a beautiful woman, him eagerly leading her by the hand while she giggled.

Once they had left and the coast was clear you began to relax. You'd love to say you did the right thing and gently pulled back, but you didn't. Your eyes slipped closed as you kissed him with a passion that scared you, after all, when would you get another opportunity to kiss the man? Sanji clearly wasn't expecting it, if the cute little noise he made was anything to go off. You relished the feeling of his lips against yours. They weren't chapped, which surprised you, both living on the sea. But, you supposed, if anyone was going to take care to make sure his lips were soft and kissable, it'd be Sanji. 

You wish you could convey all your thoughts and feelings in the kiss; you're safe, you're loved, I'll follow you wherever.

I love you.

Regretfully you pulled back, both for air and out of guilt, you'd certainly taken advantage of the situation. Sanji chased your lips for a second before coming to and straightening. His beautiful eyes on yours in a moment, you watched him sigh, a more relaxed air about him. His eyes swept across the pub floor, anxiety rising when he couldn't find the soldier. You grabbed one of his hands, rubbing soothing circles into the top of his palm. Sanji's eyes snapped down to yours.

“He's gone.” You smiled warmly up at him. Sanji looked dazed, making you smile stretch to a grin. “He left about two minutes ago. It's okay Ji.”

Sanji wanted to say a thousand things, to thank you, to sing you praises, to cry and hold you close, thankful of your protection. Instead all he managed out was;

“You kissed me.”

You felt a light blush stain your cheeks, pointedly looking away from him. Sanji wanted to scoop you up and kiss you silly, you looked so cute when bashful.

“I needed to distract you, you were panicking.” You pouted dropping his hand, with narrowed eyes you snapped your gaze back to him. “Besides, you kissed me back.”

Staring up at Sanji took your breath away, he was regarding you with such genuine warmth. The intensity of his stare made you uncomfortable, and you made a move to excuse yourself. Sanji gently scooped your hand up, and held it against his chest between his hands. You blushed, looking up at him completely dazed.

“Love.” He paused. “(Name), I- thank you. You're so good to me.” Another pause, before he hammed it up. “And to experience a kiss from such a beauty? You're truly an angel fell from the heavens.”

He shot you such a cheeky smirk, his eyes sparkling, but you knew better. Sanji was a sweetheart, and yeah he could be a pervert, and a ladies’ man, and just a tad overdramatic, but he definitely played it up to protect himself. The feelings were hanging in the air unspoken; love, dedication, thankfulness. But it wasn't the time for that, neither of you wanted to have your hearts broken, brave on the battlefield does not always mean brave in love. But still, that stupid charming grin had you, hook, line, and sinker.

“Well my dear, if you ever need to distract me again...” He relished the laugh that escaped you. You pat his chest and moved your hand to delicately cradle his cheek.

“I'll make sure to keep that in mind. You might wanna watch yourself though, or you'll never pry me off you.”

Sanji chuckled, lovestruck. “Oh no, what a shame! You know I'm feeling kinda-”

You lightly swatted him on the cheek before he could finish, flustered but on cloud nine. “Alright loverboy, c'mon.”

“One more kiss?” He pouted, that boyish charm captivating you. He grinned when you pulled him down for a kiss.

You had aimed for a quick peck, but Sanji held you in place, peppering you in kisses as you giggled. He placed a last kiss on your lips, melting as you crushed him against you and kissed back with fervor. You pulled back with an audible smack.

“Wow.” He whispered, relishing in the love in your eyes.

“Now, c'mon, for real this time, handsome.”

You two didn't need to audibly say it right now, it was obvious you to regarded each other highly. The right day would come. 

[cantdealwiththisnow]

Part 1 - Appreciation post for all the TFP universe Autobot mugshot cameos (known and unknown) in RID2015 3x25 (even if the context is that they've been OUSTED against their will)

[quietwingsinthesky]

best thing about doctor who is that it is unpoisoned by the irony that most long-running media gets cannibalized by. it is invincible because it is so silly and so full of love and it takes each premise with the exact amount of seriousness it deserves. the closest you get ever is that some of bill’s lines are verbatim little teasing nitpicks of the show that the fandom bandied about, but they don’t come off as mocking the premise, they come off as loving the premise and how silly it is. why’s his time machine anagram work in english? it just does. his name is doctor who.

[blueteller]

Cale being "the Weak One"

Cale among his group being like:

Also Cale:

[murasaki-cha]

It's just a picture it can't hurt you

The picture:

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Do you ever think that when Cale was KRS, he subconsciously knew about the curse? All of those terrible things kept happening to people he cared about- so much so that it would become a recognizable pattern (that he would realize later on was an actual curse) so he unintentionally twisted his mind into the piece of origami it is now, attributing people to their worth and convenience and refusing to express care for anyone, inside of his heart or to the outside world.

… He fails at hiding it. He fails because he doesn’t even know what counts as caring about someone’s well being, he doesn’t know what it looks like! He’s only ever had his own concern towards himself (and Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo), and everyone who cares for him like he cares for them— dies.

He knows how to be a team leader and how to manage and take responsibility for his members, but he doesn’t want to outwardly or inwardly care. Even after finding out about the curse, he doesn’t see how he refuses to care about things.

Well- he does care about things. Arguably more than anyone else, because his internal longing for human connection is so bone-deep that he can only create reasons why he’s helping people, instead of saying that he wants to.

‘Want’ got Cale nowhere. ‘Family’ got him nowhere. ‘Friends’ left him to sweep up his broken remains. ‘Home’ didn’t last, ‘safety’ is an illusion, and ‘emotions’ have only ever gotten in his way. Time and time again, these facts got drummed and burned into his mind.

It’s all he knows. It’s all Kim Rok Soo knew for his aching, dragging 36 years of existence.

Now he’s Cale Henituse.

Those facts are still there. They’ve become deep, welded scars in his mind. They’ll never go away.

But he’s learning. Very, very slowly. Those scars will never disappear, but maybe through this story, he can learn to traverse his trauma.

I hope so.

I really, really hope so.

(Drafted: January 23, 2023)

(I found this gathering dust in my drafts and decided to post it)

[idontknowmyownmind]

Modern AU OG!AlCale; slight RokCale

Cale is someone who is unable to love and feels empathy. Emotions are something hard to grasp for him.

Cale always curious about human emotions.

Alberu is a black sheep in his family. His mother died when he was 5. No one in his family care about him because he is an illegitimate child.

Alberu always long for attention, love, and recognition from someone.

The first time they met was when Cale was 5 and Alberu was 7. Their parents are bussiness partner.

Since then, they have been together as playmate. Cale is blunt, especially when he was kid. He told Alberu that he is fake and he want to know why.

Alberu thought that he was being mocked but when he lool at Cale, he could seen genuine curiosity.

Cale is a sharp and smart kid. It's not long for him to realized that he is not, by any means, a normal person.

At the age of 10, he proposed to Alberu a deal. The content is, he will provide Alberu with 'love' and attention, he will give him recognition and 'care' for him. In return, he will help Cale satisfied his curiosity on human emotions and become his 'experiment' partner.

At first, Alberu just indulge him on this but as time goes by, he kinda became dependant on Cale because if he doesn't know any better, he will believe that Cale is genuine and sincere.

As they grow older, they still keep their 'agreement'. Cale might 'experienced' on many people but Alberu will always be his last stop. And Alberu become obsessive and possessive over Cale. They know each other deepest secret and only when it's the two of them they can be themselves.

They are each other first in everything

How Roksoo fit?

Well, no one know about their 'relationship'. Everyone know that they know each other since kid because of their parents, but they think that their relationship is not genuine and more professional. No one know about the intimacy of their relationship.

The 'heroes', the Soos, and Alberu are a group of friends. They are young and stupid, so CJS proposed a bet to Roksoo. He has to date Cale for three months.

Cale is known as a blunt and rude person (rude in a way of he talk without filter, not in a way of picking a fight with anyone). And he is known to have a long list of dates that not last more than a week, the longest is probably only two week top.

Alberu doesn say anything, he's actually encourage it. Cale told him that he is bored because no one is fun to 'play' with, so why not he send him a new 'playmate'?

He told Cale about the bet to pique his interest because it will be his 'first' time to be a betting subject. True to his expectation, Cale is interest and willing himself to stay for three months.

On the way to two months, Cale is bored but he endure it so Alberu will win his bet. And Roksoo started to developed feeling in a month they are 'together'.

After three months, Roksoo need to come clean to Cale about the bet. He feels guilty but he also planned to confes for real this time.

But before he got the chance, after he told Cale about the bet, nonchalantly Cale said that he know about the bet all this time. He told Roksoo that he stay because he thought it would be fun. Cale even told Roksoo that he actually started to get bored in their two months together.

He said all that with straight face and even voice. Cale even has the gall to look confuse when Roksoo looks upset (because he think that shouldn't it be him who feels upset? Hm..)

After that, Roksoo leave with a broken heart.

At the night, he told Alberu everything during the three months and what happened after and Alberu need to explain to him why it happen. During three months, they were not met or call each other.

Alberu feels bad for Roksoo because he know that Roksoo has a strong yet also fragile heart. But he also feels glad that Cale is not actually develop feeling to Roksoo. Watching them together is such a torture for him because with Cale, he never know what he actually feeling.

He know Cale's condition, but he also afraid that someday he will feels genuine love for someone and that someone is not him. He is afraid that Cale will leave.

Sometimes he forgot how good of an actor Cale is. It's a good thing he got bored of Roksoo.

Seeing Alberu seems to be upset, he 'comfort' him and shower him with a lot of 'loves'.

[cloudstongue]

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL POLL!!!!

tagging @pocketslook @millylostintheosc and nobody else i dont want to get hunted down

[uknowwhat-imgonnauploadshit]

[100percentdirtball]

i had a very stressful thing happen yesterday and i still smell like fear sweat. the good news is there probably won't be any consequences and in a year or so it will be extremely funny. extremely.

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[hyunpic]

STRAY KIDS: all we need is enough love, to hold us where we are

[marimeeko]

Just for fun I ran to my desktop to aid me with Google translate, which isn't perfect. But given that I don't know Japanese myself....

Here's what I found; on my own, with only translate and my existing language skills.

This is wrong:

This is CLOSER, AND MORE INDICATED OF THE CORRECT SUBJECTS OF THE SENTANCE. :

While it isn't one to one, Japanese has a lot of feel and implication, from what I understand. There's a lot of context.

So I tried scanning the fan translations a few times just to see what it said on my own. I broke it down into parts:

AITSU: him, that guy (in this case, Izuku)

The "Nuguenee" part seems to mean "can't wipe it" or "to wipe away"

Kocchi- here

De nuguu - means something like 'take off with "

Eventually, I felt like it wasn't scanning off the screen well enough, and I actually WROTE THE KANJI in the translation of the panel out on paper, which was very interesting bc again, don't know or write Japanese.

But I scanned that:

(The word "if" is covered by the icon)

"IF YOU CANT WIPE IT OFF

I WILL WIPE IT HERE"

Shows that the verbiage used is "wipe," or "to wipe away," but it is SO MUCH CLOSER in spirit to "I'll step in for what he can't handle" and also the use of Aitsu indicated he is talking directly about Izuku.

I GET that the official translator's job is to try to capture the dialogue in a way that FLOWS for the new audience, since Japanese is a very differently constructed language than English.

They are supposed to find a way to translate certain things with keeping the mood and intent of the dialogue.

"OFA couldn't keep you in the ground, but we'll finish the job and then some"???

Where the hell did they get that???

I didn't dig any further back bc it might take a while but everyone has also pointed out that the original dialogue is a direct reference to the apology scene(I know it is in the fan translation but I think it is also being indicated that it is the same in Japanese as well? Pls fact check me of you desire)

So bc it was originally referring back to that scene, there is an added STING that comes with this official translation

And the ADDITIONAL BLOW that is katsuki once again being kind of...pigeon holed into the aggressive, more self-focused kid that he once was...a caricature of his former self, instead of his emotionally upgraded, self assured, "needing to help Izuku or he will perish" self.....instead of letting this moment be a crazy cool declaration about how HE is the one you fuck with when Izuku needs help.

Which like yeah, in itself is a little bit agrandizing, HOWEVER it is literally also serving as a vow or a completion of his vow earlier in the story that he will take on what he can't handle!

It's super important for Katsukis arc! It acted as not only a THREAT to anyone who give Izuku a run for his money and tests the limits of his OFA, but a VOW to Izuku that HE HAS HIS BACK.

He just YELLED ABOUT IT on a battlefield, while Izuku is probably still staring at him with heart eyes.

And ultimately, there is NO REASON THE ORIGNAL TRANSLATION, WHICH PLAYS OFF THE OFFICIAL TRANSLATION OF THE APOLOGY SCENE CANNOT BE USED OFFICIALLY.

It reads properly, and packs a HELL OF A PUNCH EMOTIONALLY. More so than essentially "I'm gonna put you in the ground bc Izuku CAN'T"

It seems like the fan translation kept the literal meaning but added the flavor to make it flow, such as "stepping in" "to handle" and calling Izuku a Nerd. But the official translation just tweaked it by too much to where it just reads differently and most importantly, doesn't carry that punch.

In conclusion, I did a little bit of independent research and decided that YEAH it doesn't make sense why they translated it so wildly different. Other than just wanting Bakugou to remain a frigging caricature, even in the Finale.

[pliablehead]

HEDWIG'S LAMENT / EXQUISITE CORPSE • atlanta, 2017