Tumgik
#trauma survival
neuroticboyfriend · 1 year
Text
As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.
All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:
My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.
I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.
My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.
I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.
I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.
I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.
My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.
I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.
As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.
I have inherent rights just because I exist.
I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.
Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.
If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.
9K notes · View notes
virtualmosshroom · 4 months
Text
i have accepted that i will likely struggle w socialising and developing meaningful relationships for the rest of my life, but it doesn’t mean i’m not extremely sad about it and don’t wish things were different
268 notes · View notes
marimeiastories · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
It is difficult to open up about something that should have not happened.
It’s going to be worth it, in the end.
The pain, the shame, the sadness will all come out, you’ll feel breathless, but darling, it’s not going to kill you, I promise, you will see, for sure.
It’s going to hunt you, in your dream, in your head, for a while.
You are going to cry, you are going to scream, you warrior.
It’s going to be a long journey, but I know you can do it.
You will feel lighter, you will feel less lonely, and, more importantly, you will start to heal
Please be brave, brace yourself and SPEAK UP.
27 notes · View notes
selectivechaos · 10 months
Text
love the people who had to do stuff in unconventional ways.
love the people who did fucked up shit to survive fucked up situations.
love the people who never saw how sick they were till they were forced to.
love the people who can’t bear their own memories.
love the people whose world just got smaller.
love the people who get so exhausted that lying down isn’t ‘down’ enough.
love the people for whom everyday stuff is the last straw, and they don’t know why but they just keep going.
love the people no-one came to save.
love the people doing things they never thought they’d have to.
love the people doing things they never thought they’d be able to.
love the people finding new hope because old dreams corroded and decayed.
have some roses🌹🌹🌹
64 notes · View notes
mercy-misrule · 4 days
Text
Trauma is so boring. I'm so tired of the answer to like 70% of my problems being 'lmao childhood'
I've been to family therapy with my dad and sister and I'm just...it's good, it's really good to be honest, but fuck I'm so tired.
And it's hard because if I ever have to think about my dad's childhood I want to time travel back to England in the 50's and murder people.
I think I let my dad get away with a lot of shitty behaviour because I know just how deeply he's been hurt his entire life.
I think I do it for my sister as well.
But yeah, I'm tired. In not a terrible way, but I'd just like it to not be a backbone of everything I do and yet here we are
8 notes · View notes
bli-o · 4 months
Text
Tired of movies where an abuser is defeated/turns a new leaf/dramatically escaped from i need a movie where an abuser never sees consequences and never changes but their victim survives
14 notes · View notes
biblicallyangry · 3 months
Text
No one:
My family: “oh cool! thank you for expressing your desire, now I can manipulate that into me getting my own desire met. surely applying this constant transactional connotation to love will not fuck you up at all later in life”
6 notes · View notes
eeriebpd · 5 months
Text
Here’s some awareness on thought patterns/behaviour and what is reality for us abuse victims at the hands of family members.
We wake up everyday wishing all of this would be some sort of sick and twisted dream and that everything will be okay and we’ll feel safe around others and also safe within ourself
But no, this is reality, this is not a sick and twisted dream, and we do not feel safe in any way. Nothing is okay and will ever be okay
IT IS REALITY
We think to ourselves “Is it me?, is it my fault this happened?” “Maybe I should’ve just kept quiet” “I don’t blame them for doing that, I’m pathetic”
WE BLAME OURSELVES FOR THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED/ STILL EXPERIENCE
A lot of us get bitter (not everyone) and we lose hope in people and shut ourselves away, building a wall between us
THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WAS AT THE HANDS OF SOMEONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF US AND LOVE US. WE FEEL WE CANNOT TRUST ANYONE AND HATE EVERYTHING !
For some of us, a lot of hateful and immoral thoughts occur towards that person such as “I want to hit them so bad, they make me so angry and feel so worthless” “I want to steal from them !” “ I want to make them feel so much emotional pain” “I hope they drop dead”
THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED MAKES US HATE THAT PERSON AND WISH FOR THEM TO TASTE THEIR OWN MEDICINE !. BUT WHAT COMES WITH THAT IS ALSO HUGE GUILT FOR EVEN THINKING LIKE THAT !! WE DO NOT WANNA THINK LIKE OUR ABUSERS ! BUT WE KNOW THE TREATMENT WE GET IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL AND WE WISH FOR THEM TO FEEL OUR PAIN. WE DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM AND WE GET SCARED THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM !
Some of us have nightmares of the worst graphic/traumatic situations happening, we wake up hyperventilating, crying and to put it simply.. we want to die, we can’t take it anymore.. we don’t get peace.
THIS IS BECAUSE WE DO NOT FEEL SAFE AND UNCERTAINTY LOVES TO BURY ITSELF INTO OUR HEADS AND REMIND US THAT MAYBE ONE DAY OUR NIGHTMARES WILL COME TRUE !!
We do not trust people and push people away when they are genuine people who just want to be apart of your life
THIS IS BECAUSE WE NOW QUESTION EVERYONES MOTIVES. WE HAVE BEEN DECEIVED MULTIPLE TIMES BY SOMEONE WHO WE THOUGHT WOULD TAKE CARE OF US.. SO WE THINK EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF USING US, ABUSING US AND IS SIMPLY THERE TO RUIN OUR LIVES !! WE ARE SCARED !!
I could keep writing everything that comes to mind that I experience as well as lots of people, but what I’m trying to get at is that all of this and MORE is what a lot of abuse victim’s experience and that being abused is VERY real and our state of mind while being victims of abuse IS NOT OUR FAULT.. the abuser is to blame.
Please never think it’s your fault your head is this way, your abuser did this to you and they know that, that’s what they were aiming for, to ruin you.
6 notes · View notes
lunebordeauxpoetry · 7 months
Text
the world's darker than ever
and my hands are a little more empty
now I can finally say
that everything's fine
but when it's night
I feel like I'm nineteen again
when I spent my nights sitting on the floor of my bathroom
under the moonlight
looking at the sky and praying
asking for someone to kill me
now I want to live
and I like walking in nature
and taking pictures of animals
and drinking with friends
but if I stop for a moment
all I can do is cry
I'm trying to heal from the personality I created to survive
and I think about the future too often
I miss some people
but mostly
I miss spending my days lying in the grass
like I did when I was a child
I like looking in the mirror
and there's nothing I don't like about me
yet I feel like something is still missing
like there's still something I need to protect myself from
sometimes I look at my window
and I think with relief that I can jump whenever I want
I dig my nails into my flesh
because I'm still craving
and there are things and people and animals that I have to protect
I can finally brush my teeth in the morning
and I can study and work out
I can laugh on the phone
and I can eat
but my hands
want to be violent again.
– everything's fine.
lunebordeaux, 07/05/23.
11 notes · View notes
mycptsdstory · 8 months
Text
You don't have to have PTSD or CPTSD to have trauma.
Read that again.
9 notes · View notes
neuroticboyfriend · 1 year
Text
i dont think people realize how painful it is to constantly live in survival mode. like fight/flight/freeze/etc. is reserved for when you're close to fucking dying. people weren't made to live entire lives in that state. can you imagine the damage that does?
2K notes · View notes
alxor-of-hellsite · 14 days
Text
Part of recovery is accepting that you are yourself, your future self, & who you were in your childhood. You are the same person who was hurt before, & you are the person who has survived.
3 notes · View notes
thewildandwindingroad · 3 months
Text
I was warned by the guardian of the cave:
“Watch for the Shadow
It will come forth.”
But though I may walk
Through the valley of
The shadow of death,
I will fear no evil.
You are with me on this journey.
Deeper into Hecate’s cave I was called,
With your word the light unto her path.
Your promises guide me through the shadow:
“I will not abandon you as an orphan,”
“I will never leave or forsake you,”
“Perfect love casts out all fear.”
Jesus guide me
On Hecate’s winding road,
Following the deep waters through the darkness.
Your rivers wash me clean,
So I lay my trauma at your feet
Where I’ve so many times
Sacrificed myself.
I lay my heart on the altar
Of my life.
Let every breath
Be an offering to your great wonder.
Break me.
Make me clean.
Burn away all that is not of you.
Shame-slayer,
Way-maker,
Light in the darkness,
Torch of Illumination,
I run to you.
I fling myself into your risen embrace.
As I look at the holes in my hands and feet,
The wounds begin to close.
The scars fade away.
I look up to you
As you hold out your hands.
I see the holes in your palms
And I know
I don’t have to be the sacrifice
Ever again.
Vision 1/13/24
3 notes · View notes
selectivechaos · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
“when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change” -Aang.
changing after going through/surviving something difficult is okay and normal. i feel like i’ve lived and died many times after some bad events or periods in my life. you are not losing yourself; you’re just changing because you’re growing. 🌹🌹
img source
23 notes · View notes
mercy-misrule · 2 months
Text
Sorry this is very maudlin for a second
bad childhood memory incoming feel free to scroll on by
It's 2.30am and it feels like I just got blindsided by a bad memory.
I am glad I didn't find the blue binder of all the recipes my mother collected, when I had to search through all the books and photos and mementos she threw out and try to rescue what I could
Mostly cos I used to compulsively read through those recipes as a kid, when there was no food in the house and I was starving and thinking about food was what I had to get me through the day.
8 notes · View notes
biblicallyangry · 4 months
Text
You tell me I act insane, again, for even the littlest of things and I want to say, in a voice like the Furies: if I am acting insane, it’s because you are driving me insane. You are the one who gave me a life and then chose to break it in two, before my black eyes, again and again and again. If I seem like I don’t know what to expect from life, that would be because you never gave me any information I could trust. If I seem lost, it’s because you didn’t do your job to build me a world worth trusting. If I am acting angry, it’s because I am. I am so, so fucking angry. And I would be - and I am entirely in the right for it.
5 notes · View notes