#travis: it was a talking dog u know what i mean

[taintedcigs]

why am i kinda loving him too much now JNSDNSN MY himbo🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 68: I'm not making the 'nice' joke about next episode bc last time I did that someone died

okay let's see if I can get through this one without having a panic attack ten minutes in

(that's why there wasn't a liveblog last week)

I was making a sandwich during sam's ad and came back to Suddenly Bear

and then I saw "Baldur's Gate 3" in the subs and it all made sense

"that is your wife" which wife, laura, marisha or liam?

a teensy weensy little demon pact

oh, we have that autobots shirt sam's wearing

kiddo wears it to school for jersey days :D

Graz'tchar

NO

throw it in the hole

talking weapons: not even once

ashley what

swordmance

per spoilers in the group chat, Sword Bad

that thing is twice his size isn't it

ashton has the brain cell

"I don't care about you" letters

King of Fuckingwhere

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

travis' face

but who's on the council

ashton: please hold

grizzly man

ashton is the best narrator in this moment

yeah yeah hell yeah

fcg in his mind palace

matt doing the mass effect codex voice

prince fruitoftheloom

s a m u e l

STOP GIVING TRAVIS CURSED SWORDS

travis

sam

both of you

fresh cut "I can fix him" grass

fcg: the vibes are rancid

nigerian demon prince

"you can eat my ass, this is my card right now"

king butterknife

oh hell

hate THAT

NICE

"he barely listens to us"

liam :(

how fuckin old is ludinis

kiki :(

kiki!

keyleth pace urself

I love that cloak so fucking much

the Hand of the Tempest does sound really fucking cool

liam you can't make me cry that's illegal

everybody hates the raven queen but keyleth especially hates the raven queen

(okay they don't all HATE the raven queen, I'm just saying)

liam: that winged man, that beautiful angel, that absolute specimen of masculinity -

matthew so help me god not the tr - I HATE YOU

"those who call themselves gods" dang

it must be nice, it must be nice, to have asmodeus on your side

but no dogs. no dogs on the moon.

they just run right off the damn thing

just do dark moon magic in the room of the head of state who just recovered from an assassination attempt, nbd

until her what now

travis and marisha

"I've got wind chimes where my name should be"

"fuck off, ghost!"

oh y'all were gonna get blood fountain'd

vox machina road trip

"there was an accident and here I am"

ashton lore ashtON LORE

TITAN BLOOD

travis: that was me! :D

oh we got chair perch

"vast and frightening"

the key is to stop trying to apply logic to your friends

I'm assuming this is the blight tree from - IT IS THE BLIGHT TREE

"the enemy of my enemy is a dick"

marisha: you KNOW what I'm saying, just TELL ME

"all our allies are dead or doin' stuff"

what IS dorian doing. give me my boy back.

liam and his tea

keyleth's BEEN elementals. several of them!

"how are we gonna make fun of that name, it's too hard to pronounce"

oh kiki :(

stop saying entities

quick go find milo

cut ludinis off at the root

highlander the bitch

vecNA

"I READ BOOKS >:("

"you battled an earth titan" "I mean TECHNICALLY"

delilah alarm weewooweewoo

fearne would be a choice chaos deity

milo-joe dream team

"don't tell him I said that"

"he is a brilliant mind with specific limitations"

"I can feel my heart rate rising!" and then he went into cardiac arrest

I fully recognize ashton's tone re: fcg trying to contact dancer, that is a parent's "redirecting a child away from an inappropriate choice" tone

I feel like it's dancer tbh

it's time to d-d-d-d-duel

"oh changebringer, what the FUCK does that mean"

it IS dancer

"the changebringer…..sucks"

matTHEW

listen, I remember some of those vm planning sessions, this is high strategery

marisha: leave me aLONE

you're gonna carry that weight

oh no I'm gonna cry again

SAVIOR BLADE

oh shut the fuck up

just put me in the fucking ground

can laudna get a tattoo? would the skin just kind of. fall off?

[thatdammchickennugget]

HII i saw u were asking for pjo reqs and i loved the travis stoll fic :) i was wondering if u write for clarisse? if so just something like clarisse x sunshine reader where she's the polar opposite of clarisse but they make it work <3

Ohh I loved this <3 I have never written for her before but I had so much fun!! :)

grumpy!Clarisse La Rue x sunshine!Reader Headcanons

♢ Clarisse was tasked with giving you the tour when you first came to camp and was immediately put off by your bright personality even as you talked about what had happened for you to finally end up here. She was insanely confused how you could be smiling from ear to ear while telling her how you were kicked out of school and attacked by monsters on the way to camp.

♢ At first, she tried to ignore your presence but you had seemingly taken a liking to her and kept trying to start conversations and asking her to train with you, telling her how you wanted to learn how to fight just like her.

♢ Usually it only took one mean look from her for others to scramble away and leave her alone, so she could not figure out how you could be so pushy with her. It’s not like you hadn’t made any other friends, almost everyone else in camp loved you and was instantly drawn to your sunny attitude, so why were you so set on being friends with her of all people? And more importantly, why did Clarisse kind of like the attention she was getting from you?

♢ She changed her mind about training with you after witnessing you getting your ass kicked during your first game of capture the flag and you happily agreed to her offer of daily training sessions.

♢ The two of you grew a lot closer during these sessions as Clarisse learned that you weren’t always this happy, especially when it took you much longer than expected to get better at fighting.

♢ Clarisse quickly noticed that she seemed to be the only person you were comfortable being unhappy around. She also noticed that when it was just the two of you, she found herself smiling and laughing along with you much more, something she usually only found herself doing at the expense of others.

♢ Just hanging out during training sessions soon turned into the two of you searching out each other’s company all of the time. Sometimes you would be walking around the woods, both of you feeling safe enough to let your guards down with the other, other times you could be found sitting at the beach with you talking without pause and Clarisse just listening contently. At first, you kept apologizing for rambling but Clarisse quickly shut it down, telling you that she would happily listen to you talk for hours.

♢ As soon as she realized she liked you more than a friend, she went to do something about it. She was sure that even if you didn’t feel the same, you weren’t the person to rudely reject her or stop being friends with her just because she had caught feelings.

♢ After the whole camp learned that the two of you were together, you got to walk around and do whatever you wanted thanks to your scary guard dog privileges. The others had quickly learned not to mess with you after the last time someone dared to make fun of you, Clarisse had been ready to kill them.

♢ Clarisse usually despised physical contact, so it came as a surprise when she became the one seeking it out with you. She would lay with her head in your lap as she listened to your stories, grab your hand as you walked through camp and pull you to sit on her lap during campfires. 

♢ Sometimes Clarisse felt self-conscious about the fact that the two of you were basically polar opposites to each other, afraid that she was holding you back or that you felt the need to tone down your sunny personality with her. “I think it’s cute that we're opposites,” you quickly shut her up with a smile and a kiss when she told you about her worries.

♢ Clarisse also has the worst case of RBF, but you’re somehow able to read everything off her face and she often feels like you are the only person who truly knows her.

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[teruthecreator]

poorly summarize everything that’s happened in grad so far for me, the clown who has only listened to 2 episodes (totally for goofs please don’t stress kbdjdjssk)

nah nah nah okay dont even sweat it i GOT YOU. okay so, the basics: 

we got three whores to focus on. ignore all other npcs only two of them are mentioned regularly. the whores being: 

sniveling little bitch who’s imposter syndrome is almost as fat as his ass 

pirates of the caribbean in scotland 

mossy rock w funny accent 

now you think the main setting would be the school theyre at, right? wrong. this is also barely mentioned, save for the scattered Actual Class Scenes 

currently (as of ep 16) they’re on spring semester freshman year. yknow, the semester of college where u suddenly decide to change ur major and start trying to join a sorority. 

now we got that all covered, we talk Plot (as much plot as i remember): 

think of Sky High. remember the dynamics there? that’s here too. in the beginning eps, all three whores are lame little lackeys just getting through gen eds. imposter syndrome bitch also got a superiority complex over his gifted-kid-related trauma about this

(once again, important to note the classes have No Meaning to the plot.) 

pirates of the caribbean also learns from Mysterious Bird Man that his mother belonged to The Masons: But Make It Fantasy. 

sentient mossy rock also sometimes does things without knowing why. is he dissociating?? no. you’ll find out why in a second.  

-------------------------

FIRST MISSION: they issue a subpoena to a rock monster. mossy rock man pick up cool crystal. the whores learn there are some lil holy-holes torn into spacetime that weren’t there before! neat! 

OH YEAH ALSO IMPORTANT. IMPOSTER SYNDROME GETS A SON HIS NAME IS SNIPPERS HE IS ACTUALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER IN THE SHOW CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE 

anyway, scottish jack sparrow joins the masons and is assigned his first solid snake mission: find out all the hot goss on imposter syndrome.  

---------------------------

THEN ITS WINTER BREAK. they fight some imps. travis was way too proud of this bit. imposter syndrome and scot sparrow are a little homoerotic. 

and also a random npc is written out of the story which makes imposter syndrome paranoid. 

somewhere around winter break imposter syndrome gets promoted to Disney Villain by the Main Headmaster. this will be important Kind Of. 

imposter syndrome and sentient moss have a convo and decide they cant trust Disney’s Pirates Of the Caribbean Ride In Scotland bc he sneaks out too much to get schwasty w the masons. 

mossman admits he doesn’t know what he’s doing sometimes (me too buddy) and imposter syndrome clocks his vibe and finds out he’s been brainwashed! swag 

because of the removed npc, the government sends Random Woman With A Nice Name to watch over class proceedings. remember when sometimes the principal would sit in on classes for teacher’s performance reviews?? like that but more Law & Order. 

moss admits to nice woman that he’s afraid bc his brain got yoinked. she gives him a listening device to help. this literally becomes useless within the next episode.  

imposter syndrome talks abt his paranoia w nice woman bc he thinks he’s gonna die. pirate boy talks abt his insecurity complex bc he thinks the hot himbo he lives w doesnt like him. 

these conversations happen in succession. 

also pirates of the caribbean finds out imposter syndrome is....an imposter! sends a nicely written, lightly homoerotic letter home to his imposter’s mom to get the facts. 

those facts being he’s actually a country bumpkin himbo. 

mossy cobblestone gets mindwiped to run to the Other Headmaster, and imposter and pirate follow. they learn that green top actually gave the headmaster permission to wipe his mind clean bc he has a rlly low deception roll, and also the real Main Headmaster is a dog bc travis runs this game. which makes Main Headmaster That Promoted Imposter Syndrome...An Imposter!!! 

Other Headmaster explains in order to un-dog this man (and un-bird the npc who got removed from the plot but is suddenly back) he needs the apple from Snow White. currently two herds of centaurs are fighting over it, so they gotta Nab It.  

----------------------------------------

SECOND MISSION. i can summarize this real quick: 

they talk to the horsepeople and find out the leaders are stubborn exes 

they talk to a forest god who basically gives them the Wonderland Treatment 

they talk to a shitty wizard 

said shitty wizard curses imposter syndrome 

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: The Scotland Story is homoerotic at imposter syndrome’s comatosed body while Minecraft Steve finds out the apple was a lie (haha get it portal joke hahaha--) 

imposter syndrome finds out his magic was given to him by Sexy Deity Person Who My Girlfriend Really Likes Talking About 

a single dirt block learns shitty wizard basically framed them for stealing and trying to incite a war between the herds

imposter syndrome wakes up next to pirate man and its gay, but then theyre both arrested for treason 

Imposter Syndrome Rips A Man’s Hand Off 

they get the apple 

---------------------------------------

THE END :) <3 

[jelloopy]

TAZ Grad Ep 27

The boys are in front of the Godscar chasm  (This is spooky right off the bat lets see where this goes)

FUCK Argo rolled a 1 and is being strongly affected by the chasm he grabs onto Fitz’ shoulder for balance (Maplekeen shippers come get yall juice.)

T h e m u s i c (I will lose my mind as soon as this album is out good lord)

Argo is seeing himself attacking his boys? (Holy shit where is this going?)

IT WAS A FUCKING DREAM THANK FUCKING GOD (This better not be one of those things like Duck had in Amnesty I’ll fight.)

Griffin being pissed that he rolled a nat 20 on perception in a fucking dream and declaring that he’s withholding that until a more opportune time.

Uh oh…. Where are Firbolg and Fitz?

awe they left him a note! It’s okay!

GRAY BETTER BACK OFF IM ALREADY PISSED IM NOT EVEN 6 MIN INTO THE EPISODE AND IM ALREADY DONE. THIS MOTHER FUCKER NEEDS TO DIE AND QUICK. s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0

”That’s just dad’s inner monologue” that’s… awe come on “sorry my son came in here and said that bullshit” “awe Henry come on man” “being a bad son is genetic it seems” (Pure gold I love this family)

Sabor saying he was “somewhere else for a second” (does not give me the best vibes ngl…. Sabor’s p sus)

Justin’s new podcast law around Sabor and Firbolg. (Tbh I was a big fan of the slow arduous talking scenes but I will live I suppose…)

Sabor…………………… why are you so sus rn. Ur just tired. Stop being cryptic p l e a s e.

”I have been giving this much thought” “hell yes.”

FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE MUSIC CAME ON AND I BECAME INSTANTLY FERAL HOLY CRAP FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (I have been waiting for their return omfg)

”Would you like to party with the fairy’s?” “I need some sort of survival guarantee that I’ll make it through the evening” (This is an extremely viable request)

“Snippers don’t be like that…” “It’s okay I’m flattered!” (I need subtitles for Snippers p l e a s e)

“But this Lil guy is my familiar. He’s not the source of my magical powers, as far as I know… that would be a pretty late season twist.” “DAMNIT GRIFFIN YOU FIGURED IT OUT! All magic in Nua flows through snippers”

FESTO AND GORDY HAVE PARTIED TOGETHER WHAT A DUO (I need fanart of them STAT)

damnit they haven’t partied with Chaos

OH SHIT they don’t know about Fitzroy’s connection with Chaos

oop this is…. Oop. “if your source of magic is external you should not have been able to access it within the crypt.”

 “I also have a habit of delighting people” “HM!”

He lovingly refers to them as his “Boys”

“that wasn’t Argo that was your dad” “CLINT?! THE POWERFUL WIZARD!?” (Clint is truly a multidimensional and plane hopping wizard. We stan)

“we need a name for this multiverse that Clint Travels through” “How about the Clinterous” “TRAVIS. Honestly Travis! Are you fucking kidding me?!” (I………… why Travis… why)

Thank god they all use the restroom before they leave

Argo was literally stabbing in his sleep….?

Firbolg’s first pair of shorts! ‘N he enjoys them. V v happy with this

This means that Gray is actively in Argo’s mind, twisting what he hears! That’s dogshit he needs to stop (s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0)

Firbolg has yet to tell them about his dad’s passing and Fitz’ respects that. Argo on the other hand goes ahead and pries in on it.

(Fits their characters tbh)

“Are we just not going to class anymore?” “It’s all Virtual” (I had to stop and laugh for a good minute bc of the delivery by Justin. It got me)

Hero is in front of the Chasm… bb are you ok...

Fitz’ whistling to get Hero’s attention… (Fitz… he’s not a Dog anymore bud…)

Hero has been working up the courage to explore the Chasms! (Pls take him with you)

“you were a dog for a long time you think that you’d be used to people cleaning up your mess” it gets a smile out of hero AND Firby starts to dance! (I need all of the Firby cosplayers to make a TikTok with this and I need all artists to draw this stat. I need the dopamine p l e a s e)

“He does this any time he makes a slam dunk of a joke we just have to let him finish”

God I love when they back up for a min and do some good ol table talk

”I’m talking as a human being Justin Mcelroy father of two.”

“If you guys win a demon war? It’s at least an A-” “what would it take to get the A+?” “You could bring me a fruit basket” (The absolute Corruption… lmao)

Niceee Hero is gonna go work with Althea this is gonna be great.

Yes griffin giving that perception check NO CLINT WITH THAT FUCKING NAT 1 (Clint needs new dice that are blessed please)

Fitz sees Argo take out his blade and sees a look in his eyes. Firby sees it too. (aaaaaand I was right it was one of those “Duck” scenarios ….. damnit)

Firby uses thorn whip around Argo’s wrist and he doesn’t fight it. ( :(  )

Fitz insists that he goes into Argo’s mind to see what’s going on and Argo agrees but as Fitz gets near him he puts up a fight… (This is getting quite concerning)

FIRBOLG CASTS HOLD PERSON. HOLY SHIT. BRO. (I did not know he could do that… damn alright…)

Clint your VA is so good I adore you so much. (I just need to tell him that he is doing an amazing job. Pulling at my heartstrings constantly)

Maplekeen shippers come get your angst (I don’t ship it myself but I cannot imagine what the tags are gonna look like after this bc damn…)

CLINT YOU NEED TO FUCKING GET RID OF THAT D20 DUDE

Gray is in Argo’s mindscape. Mother FUCKER.

Fitz casts Thunderwave at Gray on-site and a Lil to cocky like Gray puts up a hand to block it but underestimates Fitz and goes flying about 10ft back (This is… mmmmm yes I’m very comfortable with the energy we’ve created in the studio today)

“Stop fucking cheating!” (YO HE CURSED REALLY WELL!!!!!! He’s learning!)

YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER BE SURPRISED BY FITZ AND RUN AWAY YOU COWARD (God I hate this dude)

“Festo wouldn’t do anything to hurt me” *silence* (Sus)

The portal in the Chasm... ever-growing… Opalescent being with white eyes...

ORDER?!

I’m very intrigued. I enjoy how Fitz is annoyed instead of angry most of the time. It really brings into perspective that this is kinda a useless war that doesn’t need to happen. That also the Warforged from the last episode was onto something with the question of “why six months?).

[addisontea-please]

Can u write travis sal tod and larry with a puppy dog crush? Thanks~

Sal, Larry, Todd, and Travis with a puppy love crush.

Sal:

He’s an obvious mess when he crushes on someone

A blushy mess. The prosthetic hides a lot, but you can see the red reach his ears.

Sometimes he stutters and has trouble completing his thoughts when talking to them.

To be fair, he can get pretty distracted by them.

It doesn’t help that Sal’s a terrible liar

So his friends catch on pretty easily. And they love to tease him by it. Especially Ash.

He constantly asks his friends if they think the other person likes him too. 

Needs a lot of reassurance from his friends just to try to talk to his crush. And they keep trying to convince him to talk to do so.

“Do you think they like me?” “Why not go ask?” “And have the mortifying ordeal of being known and acknowledged? No.”

Larry:

I know most of the fandom thinks he’d be smooth. But no.

Larry’s an awkward, kindhearted metalhead mess.

On one hand, he’s super sweet. A blushy mess like Sal, but he does in fact go talk to his crush, invites them into friend group activities, stuff like that.

On the other hand, he’s so awkward.

He ends up trying too hard.

Flirty remarks turn into tongue twisters and he ends up stumbling through them like a drunk deer.

If he tries to do the arm-against-the-wall thing to trap his crush, he misjudges distance and falls on his face.

And then there’s: “Do you think they like me?” “Why not go talk to them, man?” (says Sally the Hypocrite) “Yeah. Yeah I’ll do that!”

And he trips over his untied shoelaces and smacks his face on the floor.

He’ll think of a creative way to ask them out, but he’s more of a big-picture guy. He has a lot of trouble planning out the small details.

Todd:

This boy is so out of touch with his emotions, he doesn’t even realize he has a crush.

He loves hanging out with his crush.

Someone he can share conspiracy theories with, or talk about aliens

Someone who doesn’t mind his long-winded ramblings that tend to go on and on.

Especially someone who listens to what he says and joins in the conversation.

At first Todd thought he was catching a cold when he felt butterflies in his stomach, or that he was getting a fever when he blushed around his crush.

Look, he’s smart. He can figure this shit out easily when looking from an outsider’s perspective.

But he’s not good at all that internal introspection. Especially since he has no real way to test or research his hypothesis.

Ash had to tell him what was up.

When he realizes, he ends up hyperfocusing on it. Deciding whether or not he should talk to them about it, about how, about the probabilities of every outcome.

He accidentally becomes a little spacey around the crush as his mind works overtime.

The rest of the gang have to convince him to do anything about it

Travis:

This boy is the unhealthiest when it comes to puppy love.

When he realizes he has a crush on someone, he suppresses it so hard and so deep down, even he has trouble finding it.

With everything he deals with at home and in school, he doesn’t have the energy required to deal with it

So Travis tries very hard to ignore his crush.

Unfortunately it also means he might get frustrated and take it out on his crush

He doesn’t always apologize, but he always feels like shit afterwards. Locks himself in the bathroom stall and keeps replaying it in his head.

He eventually confesses during one of these heated arguments.

“Why are you such an asshole?” “Because I can’t deal with liking you!” “Wait what...?”

If his crush wants to date him back, it’ll take some time to talk him into it. To lower his defenses enough to be vulnerable.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Tiger King 

“I think it would be fair to say that Carole is the Mother Teresa of cats” now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear

“I’d never been a person who had friends” statements like this always perplex me because surely there had to be ONE other person in however long you quantify childhood that you identified with. Like not one whole ass person? You’re not the only person who loves cats Carole

The juxtaposition between Carole Baskin’s “Animal Print for Animal Rights” and Joe Exotic’s “Tiger King underwear is our bestseller” is poetic cinema

Okay this isn’t a reflection of my opinions on this man but I Saw a Tiger is a good country ballad there I said it 

“When I first met Joe, I was like a month out of high school” well that’s not good

[Joe Exotic voice] Some people have tigers to cope

Doc Antle has only been on screen for 30 seconds and already he has made himself memorable by directing the film crew

Is Bhagavan Antle Indian in some way or did he just have a really intense Eat Pray Love journey with his guru

Also is he really a doctor orrrrrrrrr

“I am out there in the forefront so known of being this guy that is in love with big cats and has them love him back” please don’t tell me this guy does anything weird to his animals

“People only care about saving what affects them” 

“You can’t put a price on holding a baby tiger” but you did and apparently it’s $625 

The fact that multiple tigers have had albinism is probably a sign of major inbreeding practices at these zoos

You know, even if I ate meat*, there is no way I would be able to handle any kind of early prep stage of it bc seeing these cow carcasses is A Lot

*If u r reading this I don’t care if u eat meat leave me alone

“Animals just wasn’t enough, okay? So then I started adding magic” well that took an unexpected turn

I don’t know if it’s for real fair to criticize every person who has brought a big cat out in a public venue/talk show because I know at least like Dave Sal/moni is always going “THESE ANIMALS MAKE TERRIBLE PETS” 

As a sidenote from what I understand this Saff person keeps being deadnamed/misgendered throughout this documentary and I do not appreciate it 

“I grew up a professional cowboy in a family of professional cowboys” every sentence on this show is a journey

WHO is letting their ONE-YEAR-OLD lay on top of a tiger cub I know you’re at a zoo but BRUH

“It’s going to be a small Waco” to say this ON THE NEWS

This 2 minute stretch of episode is all the PSA anyone ever needs to never own a gun

Well I think we can all agree that PETA is a fucking mess

God this is like battle of the people who are terrible at doing anything good for animals

“What do you carry that gun for?” “People” AHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!!!!?!?

“I sleep with an AK-47 under my mattress, loaded, ready to roll” WILL SOMEONE HELP THE U.S. OF A

I was warned about this show and yet I was still not prepared for the level of UNHINGED it would be 

How in the FUCK does a place like this not have an on-site medic

“Why don’t you come back on another day” he said, after telling the public an employee had his arm taken off 

“I am never gonna financially recover from this” SURE JOE THIS IS ABOUT YOU

To go back to work a WEEK after getting your arm amputated... BRUH

“Any law that you think’s unfair or unjustice, it is your obligation, it is your responsibility to stand up against that bullshit law” well Thomas Jefferson was a slaveowner so clearly the injustice thing was relative for him

Traditionally don’t drug addictions fuel people choosing extreme paths with their life rather than the other way around? 

JKHGKJHGKJH this whole exchange:

Interviewer: What kind of doctor is he?

Maria: Mystical science.

Interviewer: Mystical science?

Maria, nodding: Yeah.

“How many wives does Doc Antle have?” I didn’t expect this but somehow it tracks

I’m gonna bet none of these people with subcontinental names have a single bit of South Asian heritage like okay “Moksha” and “Rajnee” did Bhagavan name you

On a more serious note: It’s really fucked up that these men keep meeting literal teenagers, making them their employees, and then also get into relationships with them. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough THIS IS NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY

It’s pretty weird that Doc Antle keeps emphasizing so frequently that one of his partners is Italian 

“I’m gonna go be a yoga animal trainer” ah, white people bullshit

“Goodbye. Don’t fall in love with your boss.” Good advice, Dad

I was not expecting all this subcontinental imagery to get under my skin this badly but what’s your problem dude can’t u be normal for like a second 

“You’re this garbage person, but if you listen to me, I’ll make you great” again this tracks but gross

Again, on a more serious note: if a partner ever talks to you this way please call a domestic abuse hotline 

Not that India is at all in a good place right now but I personally ban Doc Antle from ever entering India. Banned. Forever. I will not be accepting constructive criticism at this time

“I didn’t really know any better” is a really good way of summarizing what all of these younger partners have been through

Wow Carole is really explaining this abuse issue succinctly 

Antle’s indignation at being implied to be a cult leader despite the fact he is most definitely a cult leader

Joe’s story in his documentary is constantly “is this going to be a humanizing moment PSYCH it’s still terrible”

HOW IS THIS LEGAL PAY YOUR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE

Why is this husband-killing thing JUST A FOOTNOTE AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE OH MY GOD

We have deviated so far from the tiger thing oh my god

Why is the only man in this documentary who is faithful to his spouse the man that smuggled drugs inside of snakes

Every time I learn a new thing about a person in this documentary I have to reorient myself

This whole episode has been about this murder and I’m concerned that its title, “The Secret,” hasn’t even been revealed yet

GOD I take back what I said about I Saw Tiger, the concept of this song/music video for Here Kitty Kitty is so disturbing that this man deserves no credit whatsoever as a musician 

CAROLE WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING ABOUT THE MEAT GRINDER IT’S NOT FUNNY

Well I don’t have much to say about this episode other than yikes

I guess if you’re really out to spite someone stealing their brand and posting exactly the opposite of everything they stand for is an effective if weird and petty way to do it

Do you think the whole throne footage moment was a “Frankenstein realizing what he has wrought” kind of thing for Kirkham

This is really like watching a sports game of two teams you can’t stand except the sport is murder and other miscellaneous crime

If we’re all being real with ourselves the documentary filmmakers themselves MUST have had some issues going on to be able to walk into this situation and not do anything about it

This series really seems to present a compelling case for why every major figure in this documentary has potentially committed at least one terrible crime

Ah there’s the judgment from the woman in Florida I guess it’s two crimes with one stone

God these poor animals they do not deserve anything happening to them

While obviously people are enticed by the prospect of someone they’re into having an animal JUST GET AN ALREADY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL LIKE DOMESTICATED CATS AND DOGS EXIST OH MY GOD DO NOT USE EXOTIC PETS AS DATE BAIT

 It has been so long since we heard about Travis ngl I already forgot about him 

Why is every single person in this show SO OFF THE WALLS I mean I know why but also WHY

This documentary is also a treatise in the flaws of the U.S. prison system and how it sets up people up to fail or re-offend upon release

Take a shot every time a middle-aged man in this show mentions that he casually bought himself a big cat as a teen

“Joe was the entertainment director.... by title” I don’t think this was meant to be a burn but what a burn

I am almost certain I WATCHED that Last Week Tonight episode during that election and if u told me that 4-5 years later I would be rewatching that clip in a documentary about this man’s journey to being convicted for murder then I cannot say I wouldn’t be surprised but I would probably believe it 

Also I have to wonder what John Oliver thinks about being part of this 

[“Beyonce?” voice] Shaun Majumder?

Sidenote: Until this exact moment I thought of Shaun Majumder as Ben Mulroney even though Brian Mulroney is white as hell I guess I have faceblindness but only for Canadian talkshow personalities

I have been aware of this before now but the fact you can buy a GUN at a Walmart what in the FUCK is U.S.A. doing

Man does this campaign manager really want to take ownership of anything Joe Exotic has ever done

Ngl I was wondering why someone who had at one point clearly had a lot of money seemed to have such poor dental care access but meth certainly does explain it

I mean people can be attracted to both men and women (hello) but since Joe was fuelling their drug addictions since they were teenagers attraction is at best a null factor and at worst an added layer of terrible to this whole mess

It’s hard to even respond to this in a meaningful way because this is so fucked up. Don’t own guns.

“That was a big fucking mistake,” he said, right after someone explained that he was driving large groups of people in an enclosed space in a busy city with wild animals that could maim or kill them

Padlock penls piercing really does not seem like a first date bombshell

“We went to dinner and he never went home” well if that doesn’t set you with a sense of foreboding

TWO MONTHS AFTER WHAT IN THE HELL OH MY GOD also I hope Dillon is okay

“It wasn’t about the animals anymore” you THINK

“It was sort of funny when they started but it’s gotten really dark” how meta

Of all the reasons Joe could’ve abandoned his zoo, I really didn’t think embezzlement would be what pushed him

“He won’t tell anyone where he’s at, not even me,” said Dial, with no acknowledgement of the fact that Joe is also theoretically still married and would maybe tell his husband???

Oh Dillon spotted??? Yikes get out dude

Take a shot every time a white person who really doesn’t understand where the word “karma” comes from starts talking about karma as if it is the Law of Revenge

The fact this man brings a film crew out with him while he’s on the run evading a federal investigation..... incomprehensible

“Joe just wanted to put it in somebody’s name and continue to be the tiger queen, I mean king,” really REALLY of all the reasons to object to Joe you’re going to choose homophobia wow

Is this about an attempt to have someone murdered or does something happen to Baskin it is very unclear

This documentary has an interesting format of switching focus from crime to crime to crime 

“I’ve never been as proud of being married to anyone as I am being married to you” It’s weird to compliment your husband by comparing him to all your other husbands

How is the lesson for Jeff Lowe in this “let’s build another zoo” surely at that point it’s better to just cut your losses

[Garretson voice]: You should pay me for being a bro, dude

“I’m a libertarian, so technically, fuck the Feds,” I’ve never heard an intonation that better suits a conservative millennial 

I mean I don’t think it was advisable but honestly why are people surprised Joe took the stand isn’t delusions of grandeur kind of his thing

Sometimes it’s just that they’ve added in other moments to break up the awful immoral crimes with just run of the mill douchebaggery like the nanny/gym thing huh

I guess the silver lining in this is that potentially these big cat zoos will shut down but like where do these animals who have been raised in captivity go??? I don’t trust anyone in this documentary to not exploit them in some way ugh 

“Not a single animal benefited from this war,” correct, Saff

“I was wrapped up in having a zoo,” not really an excuse but ok

[mychemicalficrecs]

hi!! i’ve been super into meet- cute fics recently, any frerard or rikey ones u know of? :o tyyy 💝

Hi Nonny!

Unfortunately, I couldn't find many for Ray/Mikey but Frank/Gerard gives us a little more options ;)

Meet-Cutes

you wanna get it for free by akamine_chan, Ray/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. Ray's a wrestler, you see...

The Fundamental Theorem of Philosophically Inclined Music Majors or How Mikey Way Almost Invented the Flux Capacitor by notthequiettype, Ray/Mikey, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. College AU. Ray's writing his senior thesis; Mikey's just the TA to help him.

Gerard Way, For Skeleton Crew Fashions by desert_neon (sproutgirl), Frank/Gerard, 6k, General Audiences. Fashion designer Gerard gets his big break when he's hired to create a new collection for Frank Iero's Skeleton Crew Fashions, just in time for fashion week.

Familiar by kyOMG, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Mature. Gerard really, really, really hated cats. Yeah, yeah, he knows—He’s a witch. Cats, witches… they are supposed to like each other, right? Well, Gerard really doesn’t like them. Like, at all. They were whiny and boring and rude. If they could talk they’d probably tell Gerard that he stunk and that he was the worst witch they had ever seen. So what if he didn’t like to shower and his spells usually turned his hair (or Mikey’s) green?

Veins Are Red, Veins Are Blue by dear_monday, Frank/Gerard, 8k, Explicit. There's a little button up at the top of the page, marked "gallery", and Gerard clicks on it. It presents him with a handful of different names, presumably the artists in residence, and he skims down the list until he spots it: Frank Iero (horror/gore, traditional American designs). Iero, Gerard thinks, rolling the name around his head like a rosary bead in his palm. Of course the fucker is Italian, because the world is cruel and Gerard's life is hard. With a deep, tortured sigh, he clicks on Frank's name. In which Frank is a tattoo artist and Gerard is a fearsome and terrifying undead creature of the night. Sort of.

Got another dime for your telephone by autoschediastic, Frank/Gerard, 5k, Explicit. Totally, of course. A sex alien named Gerard dropped out of the sky to watch him jerk off. No way is his brain making this shit up.

By the Book by mrsronweasley, Frank/Gerard, 10k, Explicit. Frank Iero, the new English teacher, starts a teachers' book club. Wackiness (and dubious literary analysis) ensues.

Magic Hours by annemari, Frank/Gerard, 8k, Teen And Up Audiences. "What the fuck?" Gerard asks, weakly. His heart's still trying to beat its way out of his chest. He's honestly used to dealing with ghosts by now, but he always startles when they do their whole "turning up out of nowhere to spook you to death" shtick. Also, this guy's not a ghost. So, seriously, what the fuck. "Who the fuck are you?" the guy asks, and Gerard splutters, because hey, this is their haunted house, so technically they're the ones who should be asking that.

Faint of Heart by pikasafire, Frank/Gerard, 14k, Teen And Up Audiences. Ridiculous pathology!AU In autopsy, it is not a matter of life and death, it's a matter of DEATH AND LOVE! Frank Iero, the new registrar in the mortuary at Mercy hospital, was not expecting autopsy to be sexy, but he also wasn't expecting his hot new boss, Gerard Way. Featuring Cobra Funerals, sap, death by papercuts and LIFE THREATENING SITUATIONS (that don't necessarily involve corpses).

Mixed Bathing at Home by Bexless, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Teen And Up Audiences. it is a pointless AU where gerard writes comics and frank is in leathermouth, but there is no mcr. gerard gets his toe stuck in a faucet and frank rescues him.

On the Midtown Direct by mistresscurvy, Frank/Gerard, 23k, Explicit. Gerard Way has a system: a system for managing his life as a city architect, a system for being a single man living in a house in Jersey he still thinks of as his grandmother's and not his own, a system for finding one of the four solo seats in each car on the train into Manhattan every morning. He likes his system. It works. His system derails when Frank Iero sits across from him on the 7:59 Midtown Direct one sunny morning in May. A love story, one train ride at a time.

The Cruelty-Free Sausagefests of Pleathermouth Vegan Cafe by jedusaur, Frank/Gerard, 5k, Mature. Pleathermouth Vegan Cafe, says the sign in front of the next place on Gerard's job-seeking list, and he decides that it may be prudent to finish his cheeseburger before entering.

Any Place You’ll Allow (Rogues & Queens) by AirgiodSLV, Frank/Gerard, 21k, Explicit. Shit, he has no idea what the guy’s name is. He doesn’t think ‘you again’ is the sort of employee service Travis is hoping for.

Headfirst for Halos, P.I. by behindskylines (deanlovessammymorethanpie), Frank/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. “For the last time, Gerard,” Ray sighs, because he knows, deep down, that it won’t be, “we’re not ghostbusters.”

A Latte and a Cookie by mistresscurvy, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Explicit. The first half a dozen or so times that Gerard stops by the Starbucks closest to SVA, he's so desperate to get the caffeine into his system he doesn't even notice the guy behind the counter. Nor does he pay much attention to the fact that his cup seems to magically refill itself a couple of times while he's hunched over one of the tables and drawing steadily, his headphones on. He's busy, okay — his winter project is due in less than six weeks, and he is screwed. Royally, completely and without question. The cookies, though. The cookies he notices. He just doesn't know what the fuck they mean.

By the Numbers by shoemaster, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Teen And Up Audiences. Accountant AU! Frank is an accountant, Gerard is an artist. Romcom ensues

Coffee of Contention: the War of Caffeinated Interdependence by ElizaStyx, Frank/Gerard, 2k, General Audiences. Coffee. The only thing that matters. Lifeblood in a glorious form. Truly the only thing that Gerard needs. And one that's right there, ready to be claimed. Oh, the whole heaven at his fingertips...That is, until this dude barges in and claims it as his own, shattering Gerard's whole world into pieces. This can only mean one thing. A war.

Do You Remember That Day When We Met? by MyChemicalFallOutBoyRomance, Frank/Gerard, 4k, Not Rated. Gerard is trying to be a good brother... especially when the guy at the dog park catches his eye.

[kyliexc]

AYOOOOOO, it me, mini from the blockkk ~ and im here to give you a very bratty kid. she’s rude, unfiltered, ride or die and a hell of a fighter. truly, i hate her but i hope you enjoy her and i wanna plot with everyone new and old pls. 

chicago’s very own kylie castillo has been spotted on madison avenue driving a bentley continental gt, welcome ! your resemblance to becky g is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re hot tempered , but being brave might help you . i think being an aries explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be a bottle of patron, messy makeup brushes and a joint. & ( female + she/her  ) +  ( mini , 23, she/her , est )

We got a pinterest board right here ! Besides that, give this a like and i’ll mssge u! 

Basic Information

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): ky, kyky, k, kybby

Age: 21

Height: 5 ft

Date of Birth: April 15th 1998

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Tattoos: a peach on her ass, #2 tramp stamp and canon becky g tattoos

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

Favourites

Weather: fall

Colour: yellow or pink

Music: sebastian yatra, reik, travis scott,

Movies: halloween or selena

Sport: soccer, basketball, hockey, volleyball

Beverage: tequila

Food: chicken or carne asada tacos 

Animal: lions + dogs

Family

Father: alejandro castillo, soccer player (jersey #7)

Mother: lupe castillo (molina), seamstress/designer

Sibling(s): ricky castillo

Step Siblings: jesse james altera, elissa altera

Pet(s): sushi and lola (dogs)

BIOGRAPHY

FAMILY HISTORY

kylie castillo is 2nd generation American, meaning that both pair of her grandparents immigrated to the United States a looong time ago from Mexico, and both her parents grew up in the USA. 

Her dad, alejandro castillo grew up in Los Angelos, California working to be a big time soccer player, and he got scouted but he ended up playing for MEXICO, and when he wasn’t playing for the official team, he played for Barcelona FC. So her dad made a name for himself in soccer. 

Her mom, lupe castillo molina grew up in Chicago, Illinois. She went to school and started up her own fashion brand, it was small and slowly growing as she was working as a seamstress for different companies all over Chicago. It took awhile to take off, but it did, and she had a shop in Spain bc she was illegal in the US and it was easier to stay in Spain and gain citizenship. ANYWAY, her shop blew up in Europe before getting big in the US. 

Both met in Barcelona where lupe was just a fan. it suddenly became more after they got pregnant, and after they married with their first child they decided to settle in Chicago. 

They were together until Kylie was 12 years old and her mom started seeing angelo altera, eventually marrying him for a few years. This means that she’s step siblings with lennon james and elissa altera! 

That marriage didn’t last that long, so right now both her parents are single, separated and living in different households that share the same customs. EXCEPT, kylie’s mom and dad seem to be sorta reconciling~

lupe castillo currently lives in New York for her step kids and kids while alejandro castillo still resides in Chicago, and sometimes Los Angelos. 

WHO IS KYLIE CASTILLO?

kylie was born in Chicago and she had a pretty normal childhood. she grew up in a house with her parents, siblings and grandparents under one household, growing up with hispanic traditions. She grew up speaking latin american spanish meaning she’s bilingual and is 100% PROUD of her ethnicity even though she has been told the typical slurs from ignorant people, but you know, it happens. it’s really only made her stronger as a person.

kylie has always been the closest to her dad and he implemented not just in kylie but in all of his kids that if you work hard you can achieve anything. to not let anyone tell you that you can’t do things. this was especially true with sports. ofc having a soccer player for a dad, kylie was automatically interested in soccer, all of her siblings were and are. they were known as the sports family on the block.

while her dad taught her sports and to toughen up in any situation, by no means does this mean she was a tomboy. she can play a game of soccer in 6 inch heels. if you don’t think so, she’ll prove it to you! So while her soccer interest grew, her mom would introduce kylie to clothes, makeup, cooking. all of that stuff so kylie always knew to be presentable. ‘let them judge you by what you wear so you can prove them wrong with who you are.’ is one of a thousand quotes her mom would tell her about life.

even if kylie grew up comfortable and in a good position, her parents instilled the value that you gotta work hard to get what you want. if you don’t implement blood, sweat and tears, you haven’t earned it. So if you know kylie, she’s a partier mixed with a workaholic sometimes mixed with a UFC Fighter dEKJGDKJFSGH

When her parents broke up, she went on a rebellious streak, more of a streak than the one she’s always on. she had family that weren’t the safest but for kylie it was safe. so she got involved with some shady characters, and she’s done some stufffffffffff. hmu if you wanna know more. FKJGHDFKHGJ that went on for awhile, she was wildin and she settled into her new home with her step siblings and step dad. 

Kylie is still very much closer to her dad than her mom but she loves them both, bouncing between houses and states (since her mom lives in NYC now) to hang out with each of them often. 

In a grand total, she’s a problem child that just likes to have fun. 

CAREER

There was at one point where she wanted to be a soccer player like her dad but for a women’s team. although there were times growing up where she would definitely show guys she could kick their asses in the sport. she still can! 

When her dad found out what she wanted, he made sure and he worked with her everyday to make her a better player, EXCEPT, kylie overworks herself, A LOT, even when her dad didn’t schedule practices. it didn’t work out for her in the end because during a game she really messed up her knee where she had to give up the sport.

She was DEVASTATED, and she moped for about a day before she found something else, which was makeup. She actually rlly slowly got into it, watching tutorials, practicing on her lita’s, siblings, tia’s, mom, etc. By networking through her mom’s connections, she landed a couple of gigs to do makeup for a couple of backstage things and movie productions. she was getting around to a lot of stuff.

For awhile she was an MUA, and works with a lot of different people. she doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re chill, but then she wanted to try something different and went into music. She is step siblings to lennon james, and there is a lot of musical influence in her life, so of course she was going to dip into that. 

Her style of music is primarily in spanish, targeting that market and since it’s being big in the US, she’s definitely one of the prominent artists since she’s one of the few born in America that makes this type of music. So currently she’s working out stuff with music, working on collaborations, and then doing things in other fields.

Kylie doesn’t believe in limiting herself, if she wants to do something, she’ll do it. She also very much loves to work with charities and going to marches for things she believes in, using her platform for things like that ... even if she isn’t the best person to look up to. 

PERSONALITY

kylie is literally F I E R C E. she’s got two types of personalities, one where she’s a home body and loves her family, will beat you in a quick game of soccer. she’s that bubbly girl with the laughter, sarcastic remarks followed by a smirk at the end of it

BUT

she is also that girl that when it’s time to work, she is scary. she knows what she wants, she knows how she wants it and she will get flustered when it’s not like that. she’s got a whole ‘that BIIITCH’ personality, like when she’s on the red carpet, she just has it going for her kind of thing.

but she’s a goof, and that’s something everyone will notice. she loves to make people laugh and smile. 

if you’re an asshole, those are her favorite types where she’s just drawn to those people. she really does love a challenge. 

A big thing for her is she is really hot tempered. talk shit get hit, is kinda her thing. if you wanna start an argument, don’t expect to come out of it without a scratch on you when you’re with kylie. she just has that mentality that if you don’t wanna talk it out she already has her hands up to start swinging. 

If you’re close to her, she will ADORE YOU. This girl is ride or die for anyone she loves, she doesn’t care what you did, or how other people perceive you. if you’re close with kylie, that’s all she cares about. she’s too loyal.

connections?

old school friends

old school enemies

makeup clientele

squad?

ride or die

drunk friends

sibling like friends

exes ( good + bad + messy + angsty )

crushes ?

former lovers to friends

um, anything? let’s brainstorm ! :)

[miafic]

the ask about awsten writing his book is the same with me! i saw it and immediately thought "oh man this is such a mia awsten thing to do". i feel like geoff would be extremely proud and awsten would show him first, and then show zakk and lucas and probably rian before he went anywhere near maybe publishing it. i feel like ash would give him a big "im proud of u" hug and travis would be bouncing off the walls for his white paint friend

his what now

~

yes ugh geoff would be SO excited. “this is my favorite book,” he would say, a happy smile on his face. 

“it’s not a book, it’s a word document,” awsten protests, “and you haven’t even read it!”

“it does not matter. this is my favorite book.” 

~

the file shows up in lucas’ email one morning. he has zakk wake the kids up, and he helps a little with breakfast before disappearing back into his office and spending two straight hours devouring awsten’s words. as soon as he finishes, he goes to get zakk and sits him down at the computer. zakk is a crying mess. they love it. they call him together while the boys are at their afternoon activity to talk to him about how great it is and how much progress he’s clearly made. 

“it’s so good to see you healing,” lucas says.

awsten smiles.

~ 

him giving it to rian is SUCH a curious incident of the dog in the nighttime move and i am so here for it

rian reads it over two days and they discuss it for multiple sessions. in the document, awsten admits secrets he’s kept, lies he’s told, and feelings he was really feeling during his treatment. 

“have you considered publishing it?” 

“i mean, i don’t know...” yes. “no.”

“well, i think you should definitely consider it. you could really help some people with this.” 

“but it’s not, like... helpful. at all.”

“but it might show people that they’re less alone than they expect. and parents will read this, parents whose kids are going through similar things. it might make things a lot clearer.”

“lucas kind of said the same thing,” awsten confesses. 

“because it’s true. awsten, this is phenomenal. seriously.” 

he blushes a little as he looks down at his lap. “thanks. i just kinda threw it together.”

“no. no. don’t do that - this is really, really good. i can tell you worked hard on it.” 

“i just had to get it out,” he sighs. 

“and you did. you did it in an excellent, healthy, productive way. and you know what?”

awsten looks up then.

“i’m proud of you.”

[nochiquinn]

campaign two episode 55: up, down, hit the ground

holy shit matthew is attractive

I mean, always, but especially tonight

leave marisha's notes alone

RONIN CAM

(I'm not creepy I just like babies)

"I don't even know what these words are!"

don't make me put up with felicia day and wil wheton to see will and mary

that is fucking GORGEOUS

(people were apparently being mean to deven rue on twitter and I'm going to fight them)

"that's my daughter's mini" we know, liam, you mention it every time

(I say with full affection)

"clerics together foreverrr" "oh no"

travis being so suspicious of anything matt says during battles is a Mood

"maybe I was quick to judge us" "no, we're fucked"

"you just hear 'whyyyyyyy?'"

"HEAD FIRST EYES CLOSED CAN'T LOSE" - fjord, probably

I'm not addressing "this is more familiar than I would like" bc I'm still unpacking it tbh

on a scale of aubrey little to fjord criticalrole how do you react to potentially having killed your friend

fjord and travis react to ghosts the same way

wait why are only beau, nott, and caduceus on the twitch extension?

dick-sense

"does it smell like sam's nasty fucking mug"

yo dawg I heard you like d&d so I put a d&d game in your d&d game

caleb.exe has stopped responding

SCREAMS???

LEAVE MY BOY ALONE HIS BRAIN HAS BEEN FUCKED WITH ENOUGH

oh good they heard "because I'm asian" too

okay I know they're joking abt jester's dog BUT imagine if he actually did and then snapped out of whatever?

MY BOY

no more incubus shit I'm weak

travis' "ohhh noooo" reblog if you agree

caleb's going to go into a coma after this

"his JAW save isn't super high!"

"there is no caleb, only zuul"

laura bb deafness =! muteness

come on jester's heard this shit from her mom's clientele

rip caleb

"she and I were introverts together!"

and now the ptsd sets in

"come on, barry allen"

I don't know what laura said but it almost made liam spit his drink out

"STOMP THAT HO-REGUARD" samuel

good thing yasha has such a shitty AC??? ? ??

"punish that slit" "no. no nono nonono."

jesterrrrrrrr

just picture them somehow shoving each other out of the way

"oh boye" mood

marisha LEAPING onto liam

guiding bolt up the buuuuuutt

guiding beau up the buuuuuutt

stress level: travis is yodeling

"I shoot her in the back of the head" jesus h

oh my god I didn't realize marisha decked liam until I saw arsequeef's gif

CALEB???? CALEB U GOOD BRO????

"this is the terrible future"

"two-slot warlock"

"I'm going to cast...fudgesicle"

CADUCEUS??? CADUCEUS U OK BRO????

liam LEFT THE TABLE

"THETRAVELERLOVESYOUUUUUU"

none of them can do math rn

if taliesin loses a SECOND character

someone hug taliesin he is about to chew a hole through his cheek

laura you're closest hug taliesin

stress level: everyone has their arms straight up in the air

presumably to alleviate the stress-induced heartburn

"I'm just gonna [horse noises]"

"YOU'RE KILLING ME" "that's not how this works!"

MATTHEW

"JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY FRIEND"

RAGE 2X COMBO

"she won't deck me in the face if I leave" as far as you know

"DO SI DO MOTHERFUCKERS"

"everybody gets a pass for alan cumming. ...I just said that on the internet." I mean he's not WRONG

OH THANK GOD

"HOW DO YOU WANNA DEAUREGARD"

"dani carr just exploded into glitter"

SAM

SAMUEL

WHAT DID YOU DOOOO

SAM

"tell the wildmother that caduceus needs help" I don't know why that's getting me the way it is

like she's calling to cad's god instead of just pushing through with the traveler

"I saw your Wildmother"

cad: dying is fun

PERSISTENT GORE

nice????

"are they cursed?" do they talk to you?

"don't be a caleb"

ZAP PUNCH

"I can ghost-punch ghosts with lightning"

"I made them earlier today"

oh man people were watching this TOGETHER? the screams alone

[whtaft]

1-99 you're doing it too this time

I know I deserve this. But. 

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Sugar Boats by Modest Mouse

These Days by Nico

Sleepyhead by Passion Pit

Sleeping Lessons by The Shins

Up from Below by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My ~ one true love ~ or Ruth Bader Ginsberg

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“When you fill a page, try drafting that section, because writing out your ideas can improve your thinking at every stage of your project.” This is what I get for having the Chicago Manuel of Style out.

4: What do you think about most?

How worried I am about getting a job

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Oh god this is weird without context: “The strange thing is that she somehow thinks that some cat lady's crafts belong in a museum. What makes them significant?”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With, but not a lot of them

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I have double jointed thumbs

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are all amazing

Boys need to work harder

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

I... don’t believe so? My high school crush once told me that I’m “not the sort of girl people write songs about” which was great for my self-esteem

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I genuinely don’t know

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

YUP

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

NOPE, IT’S ONE OF MY PHOBIAS

13: What’s your religion?

Judaism

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking my dog

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Shins

17: What was the last lie you told?

That I was feeling okay

18: Do you believe in karma?

Not really

19: What does your URL mean?

William Howard Taft

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness: I’m very sensitive

Strength: I’m a good writer

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Right now? Travis McElroy

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

I cry and write something shitty on Tumblr about it

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Tsum tsum!

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes and no; overall, I’m more okay than not okay

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate the sound of my upstairs neighbors clomping around; love the sound of Monty’s tail whacking something as it wags

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I went to a different college where I was happier

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: pillow

Left: PUPPY DOG

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

I can’t smell anything because allergies

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

@stevebarnacles​‘ blog

Just kidding

This very creepy bed and breakfast in Ohio

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East Coast because I’ve never been to West

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I don’t like that I’m this way, but Marcus Mumford

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Dogs

36: Define Art.

Do you like it? Then it’s art.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Ehhh sort of

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Getting colder

39: What time is it?

9:03

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read?

Don’t call me out like this

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

No???

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Unless you count whtaft or mambo, then no

44: What was the last film you saw?

Labyrinth!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

My ear drums rupture every couple years and it’s awful

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yes, the scary mother fuckers

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

TAZ and MBMBAM

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Ofc

50: Do you believe in magic?

Yes, to an extent

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Y U P

52: What is your astrological sign?

Capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it?

Spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

A movie ticket to see Labyrinth

55: Love or lust?

Love

56: In a relationship?

In my dreams

57: How many relationships have you had?

Classified

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home and the movie theater

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I am sitting on a blanket that has pink on it

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Hell no

62: What’s your favourite animal?

MONTY

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

... Is this a thing that people have? Because I don’t have any

64: Where is your best friend?

Canada

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@biblionerd07

@hakunahistata

@stevebarnacles

@relenafanel

@n0tdrunk

66: What is your heritage?

Eastern European Jewish/German Catholic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Just falling asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

He doesn’t have one

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Um. Yes. Why is this phrased this way? It’d be a lot better if it asked if I’d gotten myself off today, which is also yes.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

No

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Get the dog, bring him to the office, and take care of him there until your boss gets annoyed but doesn’t fire you

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

TELL EVERYONE

Go to Disney World

FUCK YEAH

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Hot Patootie from Rocky Horror

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Classified

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Ummm I’ve never been in one, so I’m not an expert, but I think you gotta be on the same level

77: How can I win your heart?

Like, just be nice to me and I’ll probably fall in love with you

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

No, and it’s a dangerous myth to propagate

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Getting Monty

80: What size shoes do you wear?

6-7

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Probably just my name; I don’t really know of anything else that I want to carry with me like that

82: What is your favourite word?

Monty

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Monty

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Fuck a duck

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Sugar Boats by Modest Mouse

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Dark green/black/maroon

87: What is your current desktop picture?

It’s of Sora, Pooh, Piglet and Tigger from Kingdom Hearts

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

The Cheeto 

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Who my crush is

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

I’d probably just die, let’s be real

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I’d like to go back to when I met Sebastian Stan again and wear something different this time

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

The night where I almost committed suicide

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Yo-Yo Ma

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I’m gonna go to NYC to visit @hakunahistata

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Yes

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

I can’t remember an instance but I was also a baby, so maybe then

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

CHILL THE FUCK OUT

[jordandesta]

3 / 27 / 19 ━ your character’s mood for the day. 

01. pure water by mustard, migos. “give me the beat, i ride it like a jetski, so many bad bitches they harassin' me, they like me 'cause i rap and be with the athletes.”

02. fall threw by rich the kid, young thug, gunna. “pull off in that lambo quick, hundred racks and a tec in this bitch, quarter mil' on my necklaces, tell your bitch to stop texting me, i've been living so reckless.”

03. splashin by rich the kid. “i flip the money, got my check up, i'm flexing up, but i'm no wrestler, blue cheese pockets got the extras, i stack the money up like tetris, how I got two-fifty from my neck up? how I made it from the hood to a bent truck?”

04. pure cocaine by lil baby. “when your wrist like this, you don't check the forecast, every day it's gon' rain, made a brick through a brick, i ain't whip up shit, this pure cocaine, yeah.”

05. west coast by g eazy, blueface, allblack, yg. “you can't imagine the way that this cash feelin', don't know what's harder, the first or the last million, my last album took care of my grand children, you try to win, cracked you head on the glass ceiling.”

06. middle child by j. cole. “i just poured somethin' in my cup, i've been wantin' somethin' I can feel, promise I am never lettin' up, money in your palm don't make you real.”

07. legacy by off set, travis scott, 21 savage. “i can't hold nothing back, i won't hold you up, i can't fit all my pain in this styro' cup, always talk to myself 'cause it's only us, always deep in my mind, don't know who to trust.”

08. envy me by calboy. “i was fighting some demons, in the field, bitch, i'm deep in, i was raised in the deep end, i know ****** be sinking.”

3 / 28 / 19 ━ songs that remind your character of their children/child.

for jasmine isabelle desta;

01. violent crimes by kanye west. “father forgive me, i'm scared of the karma, 'cause now i see women as somethin' to nurture, not somethin' to conquer, i hope she like nicki, i'll make her a monster, not havin' menages, i'm just being silly.”

02. when i’m gone by eminem. “have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for not the expression, no, literally give an arm for, when they know they're your heart, and you know you are their armor, and you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her.”

03. may i have this dance by francis and the light, chance the rapper. “you've got your, your mother's eyes, you've got your, your grandmother's ring, you've got your daddy's discernment, giirl, you did your thing, oh, give me one more, one, two, one, two, always on beat.”

04. right by you by john legend. “and even when it all becomes too much, when you're growing old and feeling out of touch, listen to this song and just take care, and know that i will be there...yeah, i promise i will, little girl, i'm cryin'.”

for legend magesty desta;

05. i love you so much by dj khaled, chance the rapper. “whatever you want to do, i will support you forever, one thing i can promise you, i love you forever, you're my son, i love you so much, i love you, son, you're my biggest blessing, mommy, daddy, we love you, we love you forever, son, you're the greatest that ever did it.”

06. only one by kanye west.  “hello my only one, remember who you are, you got the world 'cause you got love in your hands, and you're still my chosen one, so can you understand? one day you'll understand, so hear me out, i won't go, no goodbyes, just hello.”

07. new day by jay z. “sins of a father make yo' life ten times harder, i just wanna take ya to a barber, bondin' on charters, all the shit that i never did, teach ya good values, so you cherish it, took me twenty six years to find my path, my only job is cuttin' the time in half.”

08. mockingbird by eminem. “i know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now, but hey, what daddy always tell you? straighten up little soldier, stiffen up that upper lip, what you crying about? you got me.”

3 / 29 / 19 ━ a playlist for your lover or ex lover.

01. worth it by yk osiris. “time is precious, baby girl, let's not let it go by, i just really wanna know, do you love me? don't lie, i know you felt alone, 'cause i been on the road, but i been doin' shows, i swear i ain't doin' you wrong”

02. swervin’ by a boogie wit da hoodie, 6ix9ine. “how you look so perfect on your worst days? double c your purses, you deserve it, ****** in your dm, they be thirsty, and in person, but you're curvin’, curvy little body, love your surface, i’m all on your body, make you nervous”

03. caramel by lloyd. “caramel, drippin' in my bed, yeah you know, what's going through my head, i'm thinking 'bout, getting with you tonight, i'm thinking 'bout, wifing you up for life”

04. kevin’s heart by j. cole. “she my number one, i don't need nothing on the side, said that i was done for good and don't want no more lies, but my phone be blowing up, temptations on my line, i stare at the screen a while before i press decline”

05. more/diamond ring by benny blanco, ty dolla $ign, 6lack. “you know your future brighter than a diamond ring, god damn, i put you on different things, god damn, you gon' make me break the bank, god damn...you're all I ever need, god damn, you mean so much to me”

06. ivy by frank ocean. “in the halls of your hotel, arm around my shoulder so i could tell, how much i meant to meant it sincere back then, we had time to kill back then, you ain't a kid no more, we'll never be those kids again”

07. mrs. variety by leon thoma, tayla parx. “mrs. variety, feels like i'm dating someone different every single week, it's like you know just how to play to every part of me, it's like you know just how to cater to my every need, mrs. variety”

08. cinderella by mac miller, ty dolla $ign. “you in my dreams that's why i sleep all the time, just to hear you say i love you, just to touch you, just to leave you behind, i told you, you don't have to worry, you'll be fine, this the type of thing i heard it happen all the time, yeah, I just wanna see you fly, because your fragrance got me faded, you be keepin' me high”

3 / 30 / 19 ━  songs that hit your character in the feels

01. power trip by j. cole, miguel. “got me up all night, all i'm singing is love songs, she got me up all night, constant drinking and love songs, she got me up all night, down and out with these love songs, she got me up all night, drown it out with these love songs, she got me up all night.”

02. practice by drake. “i can tell that money's got you working, got your body so wet, now we're finally here in person, i taste pain and regret, in your sweat, you've been waiting for me, i can tell that you been practicing.”

03. angel by the weeknd. “cause all I see are wings, i can see your wings, but i know what i am and the life i live, yeah, the life i live, and even though i sin, maybe we are born to live, but i know time will tell if we're meant for this, yeah, if we're meant for this.”

04. don’t by bryson tiller. “get in the ride, left hand is steering the other is gripping your thigh light up a spliff and get high, shawty you deserve what you been missing, looking at you i’m thinking he must be tripping, play this song for him tell him just listen.”

05. best mistake by layla russo, big sean. “hold up, i know love could be a beach with no shore, i done count to ten, lost my temper, and went back to four, i know sometimes it's hard to realize i'm the man that you need, i had a dream we branched out started a family tree.”

06. own it by drake. “next time we fuck, i don't want to fuck, i want to make love, next time we talk, i don't want to just talk, i want to trust, next time I stand tall I want to be standing for you.”

07. thinkin bout you by frank ocean. “yes, of course i remember, how could I forget? how you feel? and though you were my first time, a new feel, it won't ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive.”

08. come and see me by partynextdoor, drake. “i'll admit i'm sorry when i feel i'm truly sorry, things change, people change, feelings change too, never thought the circumstances woulda changed you.”

3 / 31 / 19 ━  a playlist for your character’s best friend. ( squad )

01. ni**as in paris by jay z, kanye west.

02. look at me now by chris brown, lil wayne, busta rhymes. 

03. rack city by tyga. 

04. swimming pools (drank) by kendrick lamar. 

05. gold digger by kanye west, jamie foxx. 

06. v.3005 by childish gambino.

07. the motto by drake, lil wayne.

08. bedrock by young money, lloyd.

4 / 01 / 19 ━ road trip playlist

01. hey jude by the beatles.

02. mr. jones by counting crows.

03. wonderwall by oasis.

04. hurricane by bob dylan.

05. mr. brightside by the killers. 

06. scar tissue by the red hot chili peppers.

07. all star by smashmouth.

08. stacy’s mom by fountains of wayne.

4 / 02 / 19 ━ three songs that make your character cry… every. single. time.

01. acid rain by chance the rapper. “my big homie died young; just turned older than him, i seen it happen, i seen it happen, i see it always, he still be screaming, i see his demons in empty hallways, i trip to make the fall shorter.”

02. perkys calling by future. “Iineed better thoughts, i need better vibes, focus on the top and let my ***** slide, i need more advice and ain't got no time, hustlin' do it right, feel like i waited a life time.”

03. u by kendrick lamar. “you shoulda filled that black revolver blast a long time ago, and if those mirrors could talk it would say "you gotta go", and if i told your secrets, the world'll know money can't stop a suicidal weakness.”

4 / 03 / 19 ━ free day, we just wanna see you be creative. ( throwbacks )

01. ambitonz az a ridah by 2pac. 

02. gin and juice by snoop dog, daz dillinger  

03. all falls down by kanye west, syleena johnston.

04. mrs. officer by lil wayne, bobby v, kidd kidd.

05. i’m n luv (wit a stripper) by t-pain, mike jones.

06. ms. jackson by outkast.

07. smack that by akon, eminem.

08. laffy taffy by d4l.

[jelloopy]

Here There be Gerblins Notes

Previous: Character Creation

Ep 1

The boys got the job to transport good from Neverwinter to Phandalin from Merles cousin, Gundren Rockseeker, over drinks at a bar one night. He said it was the “Last job you’ll ever need.” 

Gundren Hired Barry Bluejeans (Originally Sildar Hallwinter, but that’s a whole nother post that I already posted you should go look at it tbh) as a fighter (I also will discuss this in a post later on as I’m going through the series again) escort to Phandalin. 

The boys actually were travelling with Gundrens mutt of a dog, Ruby!  (I feel like no one mentions this or talks about it)

Merle doesn’t trust Gundren a lot

Taako got the first kill babyyyyyyy

Ep 2

Barry looks like Tom Arnold with a very built Dad bod and is described to be in late 40’s early 50’s (So you’re telling me that my baby Barry. Is almost built similar to Magnus technically? Just smaller? This opens up so many things for another post later on omfg)

Magnus “The Hammer” Burnsides (omg do you think that this could be that Magnus was “The Hammer” and maybe Julia or her father was “Tongs” from the shop he lived’/ worked at in Ravens Roost???!!! Like idk if Travis had the name “Hammer and Tongs” in his backstory and i’m pretty sure he just made up the name on the spot for funsies but like that is so fricking sad and cute omfg)

Taako casts “Charm Person” on Klarg. The spell only lasts 1 hour (This will come up later for me to delv on because currently I don't understand how the stuff later on occurs)

”Let’s turn this Bugbear, into a Hugbear” ~Magnus (I wanna make a shirt with this rlly bad)

When chastising Barry for his name he snaps back saying “Why do you think they call me that?!” (I like to analyze things a bit deeper than they need to go so I’ve already posted another thing on Barry’s name)

Ep 3

As they get back to the cart of cargo to go to find Gundren Merle messes with Ruby for a minute and Griffin jokes around saying that Ruby bites Merles hand off.  (Oh if they (Clint) only knew)

”I’ve partied pretty hard before I know I’m gonna have to sleep this one off” ~Barry (What the hell has Barry been up to? Like from a perspective of knowing how the story goes like. Is he just. Going to bars and letting him self go? I mean like same but shit dude)

“Well it’s not my first time at the whole body guard rodeo” ~Barry  (So Barry has been able to stay in this body for a while then? And has also taken other jobs as well to get some money while also searching for the Gauntlet.)

Ep 4

When they meet Killian Merle begins to try and preach the word of Pan  (Not actually Pan at the time in the podcast but for continuity's sake it was Pan damnit.) she replies with “I’m already spoken for” (So I don’t think that Killian is religious in a way that we know of so when she says this I assume shes talking about the BoB? Makes sense) 

Magic Briannnnnn!!!!!  (Love that spunky lil german man!)

Taako is from New Elfington (I believe this is just a joke overall but if you do deep dive into it just a lil then it suggests that Lucretia placed him in New Elfington after the Wipe to give him a starting place then from there he went on the road with Sizzle it up with Taako)

Magic Brian knows about the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.  (Ima go deeper into that later on tbh)

Ch 5

“Barry loves his chicken waaaaangs” ~ Gundren Rockseeker (How long have Barry and Gundren been hanging out?)

The skeleton only has a crimson red robe on. Nothing underneath. It is also looking towards the exit/entrance to the tunnel. (Did... her clothes go with her in the lich form?)

The Umbrastaff exudes all schools of magic. (I wonder why... DUH) 

Merle is horribly rejected by the Staff and flung across the room (Lup said “FUCK U MERLE IM NOT HERE FOR YOUR OLD ASS”)

When Taako grabs the Umbra staff from the skeleton (*COUGHCOUGH*LUP*COUGHCOUGH*) it looks up at him and then it and the robe it’s wearing disintegrate away  (Leaving no bones or anything that was Lup’s... There will be a bigger post on this later on I promise)

Cyrus was head of security for the Wave Echo Cave. When the Orc Marauders came he managed to lock away all the magical and precious treasures. However to do so he had to lock himself in the vault too. This happened about 10 Years ago. (Are you kidding me? Its not like the Orc Marauders are still in Phandalin. Why didnt anyone come to find him any earlier. Like come on Gundren. If you loved and missed your dad that much then why not?)

The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet is Silverish!  (I always see it portrayed as being gold so I was v v surprised to hear this! tbh I don’t care what color it is I was just surprised to hear it described at all)

Magnus upon sight of the Gauntlet runs and highfives it  (Someone made a post i saw a while back explaining how this is hilarious because you can see Magnus’ and Lup’s relationship within that simple action. Its very cute) 

They fight some ruffians/bandits on the way back to Phandalin and they free a young Orc boy.

Ch 6

Merle calms Gundren down when they find him in Phandalin (Yo Merle and Gundren are a lot closer than they let on a the beginning. I wanna meet Aunt Blarg)

The young Orc boy (Kurtze) that they freed shot Gundren (Whoops...)

Gundren crushes Barry into the ground out of pure anger from Kurtze’s attack (Does Barry die from this? or does he just get super injured and die from the Gauntlet at the end?)

They fall into the well and knock Killian out

The entire town of Phandalin is gone and all that’s left is a circle of black glass. Only the hole for the well is open.

“Can we heal her? Its kinda what I do.” ~Merle (Oh honey... no it’s not)

Taako grabs the Gauntlet and puts it in his bag (of course he is the one to grab the relic that Lup made)

Killians Crossbow is named Billups (This is rlly frickin cute ngl)

They do be back on the way to the BoB

Next: Moonlighting, MotRPL, Lunar Interlude I,

[tianamulan]

So I really really really love podcast and I thought I would make this masterpost of podcast recommendations!! There’s a little bit of everything, and I’ve organised it all, so I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like! I mention possible content warnings, episode lengths and amounts, good places to start, etc. I will update this post as I find more podcasts! Enjoy~

Fictional Podcasts

Limetown: 6 episodes, 30-40 min each. Crime Investigation of a town whose residents all mysteriously disappeared one night. Has sci-fi elements. Possible content warning for animal abuse/testing in episode 3, and deaths throughout. End of episode 2 is also potentially disturbing. 

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

The Message: 8 episodes, ~15 min each with a 30 min finale. A message from space needs to be translated, and our main character Nicky is podcasting the whole time. Obviously very sci-fi. Diverse cast, including a non-binary person! It’s pretty intense, and because the narrator talks directly to you which includes warnings it could be a little distressing but it’s 100% fictional. Content warning for hospital situations and characters on their deathbeds.

[Website] and in iTunes store.

Life After: 10 episodes, ~30 mins each. This is made by the same team as The Message. Ross works for the FBI, and has lost his wife recently. He’s obsessed with listening to audioposts that she made on a audio-social media site. Content warning for cults and hacking.

Available in iTunes store.

Steal the Stars: Currently airing, as of Aug 2017 they have 4 episodes out. It’s about government officials who are guarding and studying an alien who crash landed on earth years ago. There’s also a love story.

[Website] and available in iTunes store.

The Truth: Every episode is different! Often very dark, but some are more light hearted. Very very visual. My favourites include Starbursts, The One about the Dead Dog, and It’s Your Funeral (Pt1 & Pt 2).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

D&D Podcasts

Okay just hear me out before you scroll past this section. I have never played dungeons and dragons in my life, I’m not even a fan of fantasy. But I really love these podcasts. It takes time to understand the rules, but it’s so worth it. The stories told are so original cuz everything can change by the role of a dice, and the characters have free will and don’t have to listen to the narrator. The people in these podcasts are so passionate too. But if you are sure that it’s not your cup of tea then you can move on now.

The Adventure Zone: 3 brothers play D&D with their dad. They’ve just finished their first Campaign as of Aug 2017, so you’ll have a completed story if you start now. There’s 69 episodes, each around an hour or so long, so it’s a lot of content to get through. They’re goofy as all hell. It takes some time to recognise the voices if you don’t know the McElroy brothers (they make other podcasts I mention later). Merle is a dwarf cleric (essentially a priest), Magnus is a human fighter, and Taako is an elven wizard. The Dungeon Master (DM, person who tells the story of the world and plays all the non-main characters) is super talented, lots of great voices. The fantasy in this is very non-traditional, so not like medieval britain, so there’s things like trains and space travel and a costco. Hilarious, very original, and emotional. Also the music is sooo good here’s the soundcloud for just the music. also there’s a pretty active fandom if that’s important to you.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sneak Attack!: 4 player game with 5 friends (including a married couple). As of Aug 2017 they have over 100 episodes, and bonus eps, all about an hour long. Sherwood is a gnome druid (basically a forest wizard) who is antisocial to everyone but animals and plants. Greaek is a dwarf fighter who introduces himself to everyone he meets he’s a good boy. Brenna is a half-elf bard (musician) who plays the banjo and bagpipes and gets into lots of arguments with Greaek, who is her irl husband. She’s the voice of reason in the group. Akio is a human wizard who dreams of owning a noodle shop, and owns a chicken named Alfredo. Also he’s a necromancer. The DM is amazing, and the whole group is just really nice and wholesome? 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Science & Culture

Radiolab: Beautifully edited, usually about science/tech but mostly about telling a good story. Most episodes are about 40 mins to an hour, and there’s also shorter mini episodes. Good episodes to start with is Colors, Laughter, and Escape!. My favourites include What’s Up, Doc?, The Living Room (content warning for death and illness), Debateable, On the Edge, and Cities.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Reply All: Podcast about “the internet”, but it’s much more than that. Their content is all over the place. Episodes are typically 35 mins long, with the occasional longer ep. This is a podcast I would start from the beginning to get used to the format. Today’s The Day and Hello? are two of my favourite audio pieces ever, they make me so emotional, but I don’t think you’ll get this feeling unless you’ve listened to their ‘normal’ podcasts and gotten to know the hosts. This podcast is very good about content warnings for episodes, both at the start and when they’re about to discuss the content.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Flash Forward: Used to be called Meanwhile in the Future. Each episode focuses on a possible or not-so-possible future, first starting with a dramatisation of what that future would be like (usually news report kinda stuff), and then an in depth discussion with real experts about how possible that future is. In the first season the episodes were about 15 mins but now they’re up to 40 mins long. A good place to start with would be from the start! All the episodes are great in my opinion, but for examples of the range of topics discussed, you can try Sunward Bound and Don’t Lie to Me.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Imaginary Worlds: About fictional universes and our relationship to them. Episodes usually between 20-30 mins, and often topical to a recent event. My favourites are The Year Without a Summer (about Mary Shelley, author of Frankenstein, and volcanoes), Rolling the Twenty Sided Dice (about D&D, would highly recommend if you are unsure about the aforementioned D&D podcast), and In Defence of Captain Hook (about Peter Pan, the last 5 mins of this podcast is amazing).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Invisibilia: This podcast is about human behaviour/psychology. Episodes are an hour long. I would recommend The Personality Myth to start (but also starting at episode 1 is good). They are usually good about content warning but obviously they often talk about mental health so do with that what you want. As of August 2017 they have just finished their 3rd season.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

This American Life: The most annoying thing about this podcast is there’s only ever the last 4 episodes they’ve aired available at a time, but you can “save” the episode you like on iTunes. It’s about american culture and stories and stuff, sometimes a little hit or miss for me but I’m also not American but there’s still a lot of great episodes. The episode that just came out in August 2017 “We are in the Future” is Amazing, about afrofuturism.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sawbones: This podcast describes itself as “a marital tour of misguided medicine”. Dr. Sydnee and Justin (not a Dr.) McElroy talk about the history of medicine and all the weird stuff we did in the past to try to cure people. Sydnee has the most knowledge in this pair and Justin is mostly there to ask questions and make jokes. Very fun tone throughout usually but obviously they take time to talk about more serious stuff. My favourite thing about it is just how much this couple love each other.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Oh No Ross and Carrie: Two friends go out to investigate fringe-science stuff so you don’t have to. They have joined cults including Scientology, have their pets get psychic readings, and try juice cleanses and soylent. I’d recommend any episode that covers something that you’re interested in! Episodes are typically 40-60 mins.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Comedy

My Brother My Brother and Me (MBMBAM): The same 3 brothers from the Adventure Zone. Justin, Travis, and Griffin have been making this podcast since 2010 and they give “advice” but mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They answer a lot of Yahoo questions, you know the type. Here’s a taster for their type of humor. They also have a new TV show, and the first episode is available for free, which can help you put a face to the name/voice. They’re never rude or mean but can be very dirty boys so don’t listen w/out headphones. Also probably in public with headphones cuz u will laugh out loud for SURE.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Dynamic Banter: Two dudes talk who also mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They like movies a lot. Here’s a 8 min clip where they talk about alternate titles for Tom Hanks’s classic film Big. Episodes are usually about an hour long. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

It Feels Like the First Time: Three guys are watching Lost, the 2004-2010 TV show about people who crashes on a ~weird island~. If were planning to watch/rewatch Lost and want to listen to more than 1 hour of three guys making jokes about the show then you should listen to this podcast. As of August 2017 they’re halfway through the final season, so there’s plenty of content for you to catch up on. This podcast comes out weekly and talk about 2 episodes of the show at a time. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

The Mortified Podcast: People read their childhood/teenage diaries outloud in front of a crowd. It’s embarrassing and cringe-y and hilarious and relatable and will make you more empathetic to your younger self and the kids and teens in your life because it’s hard out there. Episodes are about 25-35 mins long, usually featuring 2 different diary reads on a similar topic, like Prom or Summer Vacation.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Miscellaneous 

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: Nora McInerny is the host of this podcast. It’s about how terrible things are sometimes in life. Nora and guests just talk about the horrible things that have happened to them, like death of loved ones, abuse, mental illness, etc. Obviously, it’s not a casual, feel good listen, it is not for everyone and I would advise some people to not listen to this ever, but it’s emotional and raw and important. The episodes are 40ish minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Nancy: This is a relatively new podcast, as of August 2017 there are 19 episodes. It’s about the LGBTQ+ community and issues, hosted by Kathy Tu and Tobin Low. The first episode, for example, is about Kathy’s coming out story, and how she needs to constantly come out to her mother who isn’t listening to her. These two hosts are really fun, and so are their guests, and i’m sure that LGBTQ+ listeners will relate to their conversations.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Strangers: Podcast host Lea Thau tells stories about strangers. Or at least they’re strangers to you. It’s not as depressing as “Terrible Thanks for Asking”... usually. Episodes are anywhere between 20 and 50 minutes. Her “Love Hurts” series might be a good place to start, although it isn’t her typical episode structure, but it’s all about her interviewing exes about why they didn’t work out. This podcast is usually good about content warnings.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Mystery Show: Podcast host Starlee Kine solves weird mysteries like what is Jake Gyllenhaal’s real height, or a video rental store that disappeared in 1 day, or the owner of a really really cool belt buckle found on the ground years ago. There’s only 6 episodes, and there won’t be more. They’re between 25 and 70 minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text: The tagline for this is “What if we read the books we love as if they were sacred texts?”. Hosts Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile discuss one chapter of Harry Potter per episode, and analyse it using techniques usually reserved for religious texts. The hosts are Religious and Divinity scholars. Episodes are half an hour long, and as of June 2017 they are about halfway through the Prisoner of Azkaban.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

[that1nkyone]

1nky Liveblogs the Suffering Game: Chapter 3

So I’m starting... late in both the podcast and this particular arc, but I guess some folks were interested in me liveblogging some of this podcast? So, I’m gonna do some reactions from Round One onwards. Starting from the Monster Factory.

Spoilers from The Adventure Zone ahead! This is 53 episodes in.

Oh boy.

how the fuck are they gonna fight an electrified flying dire bear and poisonous regenerating slime - that multiply??

i love how they’re arguing the semantics of pudding

“I can’t believe we’re arguing over whether slime is flesh”

Taako is using his butt to cast a spell. He is holding his Umbrastaff with his butt.

He cast 67 damage with his butt.

there are three tiny slimes left

Okay, here comes the bear.

... OKAY HERE COMES ANOTHER BEAR THAT’S JUST MADE OF ELECTRICITY

“Wow, I wish you hadn’t disintegrated this slime, Taako.” Griffin, I feel like Taako doesn’t care.

holy shit merle is gonna light the room on fire.

Two slimes down, Electric bear’s down...

The tiniest slime!

“Did I just kill three creatures?” “You did it, Dad!!” (gosh dang I love these family bonding moments)

... Travis, why are you asking about the machinery.

“WHAT IS THIS QUEST FOR GLORY - WHAT IS THIS KING’S QUEST BULLSHIT”

Poor Griffin’s gotta be writing on rails, here.

holy shit Magnus that’s a cool and innovative move. 

OOOOH. The bear has no wings, anymore. 

“Something unlucky happens.” oh god taako’s sacrifice from the wheel’s coming into play?

MACHINERY FALLS ON TAAKO 

“You’re going to kill off America’s favourite wizard” 39 POINTS OF DAMAGE AND BEING PRONE AND PINNED TO THE FLOOR OUGHTTA SAY SO 

this isn’t good

Ooh, casting Blink sounds like a good idea.

“I want you to see something cool.” “I see Rogue One two days before it comes out.” ... ooh, weird creatures in the other plane.

... hundreds of weird creatures looking at Taako.

“What do they look like? Compare them to a Muppet.”

Hmm. Why’re these creatures spying on Taako?

Here comes the dire bear, and another electric bear.

Tres Horny Bois got their dodging game

“Next turn is the little slime - ” “HEE HEE HEE!” (It does sound pretty cute)

Merle casts Wind Wall - this is a cool little spell.

There goes the tiniest slime! The Slime is vanquished!

Now we’ve only got the bear left.

“I never thought I’d say this out loud, but - thank God for Merle.”

MAGNUS ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA TRY TO LURE THE BEAR AWAY WITH JERKY??

“THIS BEAR ONLY EATS BATTERIES” A FAIR POINT, GRIFFIN.

“I eat the jerky and flip off the bear.” “AND THAT’S YOUR TURN??”

sorry I’m hearing a puppy in the background. (”Is that the sound of the Dire Bear being ticked off?”)

That is a healthy sounding dog.

THE DOG’S NAME IS BUTTERCUP??

I’m naming the electric dire bear Buttercup.

Niiice, they’re making headway on the fight. The bear is bloodied. Or spark-ied.

Actually nevermind I’m not gonna name the bear I’d get too attached to it, no matter the context.

are we seriously talking pop culture bears

berenstein bears

I agree, Griffin - while I do like talking about bears, I would like to finish this battle this episode.

“Super aroused ice.” 

19 cold damage from Taako. THE BEAR IS FROZEN.

“So everyone just kinda T-Bags this bear.”

“And then Taako goes over and vomits blood.”

“Merle is screaming at the bear and Magnus is kicking it.”

... oh no. Merle’s divinity channelling is kinda... severed?

OH

OH SHIT ‘WONDERLAND ROUND ONE’ IS PLAYING

OH SHIT 

IN WONDERLAND THERE IS NO HEALING??

WHAT

THE ROUND ONE ‘WONDERLAND’ MUSIC - WHICH I LISTENED TO WAAAYY BEFORE I ACTUALLY STARTED LISTENING TO TAZ - IS PLAYING AND IT’S SUPER DOPE BUT

I’M SIMULTANEOUSLY HYPE FOR THE MUSIC AND WORRIED FOR THE CREW

AUUUGHHH

Also, Ads! I do like hearing these, actually. Griffin makes a good radio announcer. Which... is obvious, really.

“when I eat it with my food hole” griffin stop

“If I die, I don’t have to stay on the podcast, right?”

Oh shit

The other opponents can see them. The ones who picked “Foresake.”

Halflings, huh? Guess they weren’t up against the friends they made in the forest.

THEY’RE FLIPPING EACH OTHER OFF.

Oh hey, new voice. Coming from machinery?

“Come over here and I’ll share my dark secret.”

“Okayyy...”

A SEVERED HUMAN HEAD. “Magnus does not react.” Yeah, he’s seen weirder shit.

“Magnus moves a head” god damn it

Cam, huh? hold the phone did he sacrifice his body on the wheel

“I lost a pinky.” “OH THAT’S ALL??”

Oh snap does he want some jerky?

TAAKO I DIDN’T NEED THE MENTAL IMAGE OF CHEWED-UP SLOPPY JERKY

How long’s Cam been here?

“Maybe you can scratch my back - well, the back of my hair - and I can scratch yours? With my teeth?”

ew.

M a g n u s  that was a painful pun.

“I shove him in my bag.” Oh, okay.

So Cam got screwed over? By someone he travelled into Wonderland with? ... is this gonna be a factor later on with our Tres Horny Boys?

Everyone who goes into Wonderland dies? So... what’s the Director’s story?

“What do you know about Liches?”

“Liches get stitches” f uck

So the elves are Liches, huh? That makes a lot of sense.

“Rapture” IT WAS REFUGE? IT WAS NOT CALLED RAPTURE? Poor Griffin.

Hmm. Magic born from a moment of intense passion or emotion? Yeah, Roswell’s a good example of that - and Hurley with Sloane, too. HMM.

Yeah it’s a cornball idea, but I dig it. 

So these Liches remain attached with their previous identity. And these Liches run on suffering.

I wonder what their origin story is?

Magnus is taking a lot of initiative, lately. I mean - he usually charges ahead, but now he seems more... motivated? Organised? I can’t place it.

“Sautee´,” huh? Good word.

DON’T LEAVE HIM ON THE POTTERY WHEEL

Okay, they’re out of the pocket workshop, and moving to the next room.

Oooohhh boy it’s another roulette wheel.

Four lights?

OH SHIT, CAM NEEDS TO SPIN IT?

“Do a quick head count!”

Yeah, what if they say no? I’m curious, too, Magnus.

OH. The Liches seem to have the bell.

... I wonder if it’s the reason why they maintained their identities? Does the Animus Bell have any undead properties, I wonder?

... okay. Time for a break, and then the next episode.