#tricia day narrator

[beatificbean]

The Debt of Time Audiobooks have made the move to ao3! Thank you for your support and patience as we go through this!

Love, Trish

[olipeaksforever]

Twin Peaks Extended Media

Whether it is for the lack of knowledge in mainstream Twin Peaks spaces regarding them or how some of these things are hard to get, the extended media of Twin Peaks but especially the books are constantly overlooked and ignored for various reasons.

I had done an (incomplete) index of it that blew up in my original account, and I had redone it (but as a more extensive guide that also included the order to watch the show). However, I changed my mind and decided to redo it, since the third time's a charm, right?

Most of these things include spoilers of the three seasons and the movie, so watch and read at your own risk.

AUDIOBOOKS AND COOPER'S TWIN PEAKS TAPES

The audiobooks consist of Laura's diary, the last two books narrated by cast members of the show, while Cooper's tapes were done by Kyle MacLachlan around the time the show was created, and (believe it or not) earned him a Grammy nomination for it.

Laura Palmer’s Diary (narrated by Sheryl Lee).

Diane: The Twin Peaks Tapes by Agent Cooper (narrated by Kyle MacLachlan).

The Secret History of Twin Peaks (narrated by Mark Frost, Len Cariou, Michael Horse, Mat Hostetler, Amy Shiels, Chris Mulkey, David Patrick Kelly, Robert Knepper, Kyle MacLachlan and James Morrison).

The Final Dossier (narrated by Annie Wersching).

BOOKS AND TEXT

Possibly the most overlooked section in Twin Peaks media. Mostly because some fanboys wrongfully think that because David Lynch didn't write them, it doesn't add to the story and canon, which is a wrong thing to say since these books were written by people involved in the show. Especifically, the writers wrote them and were given notes by Frost and Lynch.

The Secret History and The Final Dossier contain spoilers for the three seasons, so read them at your own discretion.

(*) Laura's diary and Cooper's autobiography are the only texts available in Glastonberry Grove. My recommendation is to copy the text and paste it on a google document, since the PDF has the pages ordered in a way you can later print it and build the book on your own.

The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer (written by Jennifer Lynch)*: Laura's diary is written on the day of her 12th birthday, and ends on February the 23rd, 1989. The book (like Cooper's) is very graphic since Laura has to constantly face BOB in her dreams and in real life, and struggles with how others perceive her as well as harm herself in order to avoid BOB hurting the ones she loves. It does not include the missing pages of her diary.

Internet Archive Link

Glastonberry Grove PDF + Text

Twin Peaks: Access Guide to The Town (by Gregg Almquist, Tricia Brock, Robert Engels, Lise Friedman and Harley Peyton with David Lynch, Mark Frost and Richard Saul Wurman): It's the hardest book to get from the books that were released in the nineties. The Access Guide is somewhat of a predecessor of The Secret History, since it includes some of the origins of Twin Peaks. However, the Access Guide also includes newspaper articles, a donuts recipe, and more fun stuff!

Link of the PDF (It won't show a preview because of how heavy the document is, so simply download it)

The Autobiography of Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life, My Tapes (written by Scott Frost)*: Cooper's autobiography starts in 1967 and ends on February the 24th, 1989. It featured short interviews from Cooper's friends and other people connected to him and transcripts from his tapes. Like Laura's, Cooper experiences tons of horrifying and sad things, from sexual abuse to murder so reader discretion is advised.

Internet Archive Link

Glastonberry Grove PDF + Text

The Secret History of Twin Peaks (written by Mark Frost): A dossier of Garland Briggs that narrates the history of the town as well as the families that ahve stayed there, alongside relationships in the FBI, it includes letters, menus, classified FBI documents, drawings, fragments of books with notes done by Agent Tamara "Tammy" Preston.

Internet Archive link

The Final Dossier (written by Mark Frost): After the events of The Return, Gordon Cole assigns to Tammy the mission to interview people that were missing in The Return (Annie, Audrey, Donna, Harry, etc).

Internet Archive link

Star Pics Cards: A limited edition series of cards done by the writers of the show including the information of most of the characters, items and spaces featured on the first two seasons (With the exception of Denise Bryson).

Glastonberry Grove index

The Music of Twin Peaks introduction: A small text that came with the album "The Music of Twin Peaks", released in 1990.

Glastonberry Grove link

Twin Peaks scripts: The scripts and transcripts for the first two seasons as well as other texts.

Glastonberry Grove text index

MISCELLANEOUS

Blue Velvet (dir. David Lynch, 1986): Some could say this is the predecessor of Twin Peaks, considering Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan), Sandy Williams (Laura Dern) and Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) are considered prototypes for Cooper, Diane and BOB by Dern, Lynch and MacLachlan. Set in a 50s ambiented town in North Carolina in 1984, Blue Velvet is about a 21 year old college dropout named Jeffrey Beaumont who finds an ear on his way home after visiting his hospitalized father. The movie includes three, very graphic scenes, so watch it at your own risk.

Blue Velvet trailer

Internet Archive link

Mulholland Drive (dir. David Lynch, 2001): Originally going to be an Audrey Horne spin-off for TV, Mulholland Drive is considered to be one of the best films done in history and the best of David Lynch's filmography by many alongside Blue Velvet, Fire Walk With Me and Lost Highway. After Rita (Laura Harring) survives a car accident on Mulholland Drive but suffers mass amnesia, she meets a up-and-coming star Diane (Naomi Watts) who's deeply intrigued about Rita's past, and together, try to solve the mystery of her past.

Mulholland Drive Trailer

Wrapped in Plastic Magazine: Released for the first time in October of 1992, Wrapped in Plastic Magazine is the most recognizable out of the Twin Peaks related magazines that exist since the start of the show. The issues include essays, theories and even interviews to the stars as well as issues dedicated to other shows and movies like The X-Files!

MUSIC

Music is also one of the most important things in the show (and also one of the best things), as it sets the mood and the personality of each character without having to say anything.

In Glastonberry Grove, you can find the music notations of Angelo Badalamenti for Laura’s theme, the music from the intro (also known as the Falling instrumental), Into The Night, Falling, Dance of the Dream Man, Audrey’s Dance and more.

Floating Into The Night (All of the songs but Mysteries of Love, I Float Alone, The Swan, Floating and I Remember are featured in the show) by Julee Cruise.

The first season Soundtrack by Angelo Badalamenti

The second season Soundtrack by Angelo Badalamenti (including unreleased tracks!).

The Double R Jukebox playlist I made taken from the Access Guide! It features most of the songs but since some of them aren’t on Spotify, you can also find it here.

The Fire Walk With Me Soundtrack by Angelo Badalamenti, Julee Cruise and David Lynch.

The Return Soundtrack that features bands like Chromatics to singers like Rebekah del Rio and Eddie Vedder, as well as Julee Cruise and Angelo Badalamenti, of course.

PHOTOS, BEHIND THE SCENES AND DELETED SCENES

A Slice of Lynch: David Lynch interviews Kyle Maclachlan, Mädchen Amick and post-production supervisor John Wentworth to discuss about Twin Peaks.

A Talk with Kyle MacLachlan and Sheryl Lee: A preview of an interview Kyle and Sheryl did for the Twin Peaks: From Z to A boxset where they talk about Laura and Cooper.

COOP Visits the set of Twin Peaks: David Lynch, Frank Silva (BOB) and more thank the members of C.O.O.P. for helping save "Twin Peaks" after its close cancellation in 1991.

David Lynch interviews the Palmer family: What it says on the title! Lynch interviews Laura, Leland and Sarah 25 years after Laura's murder. This was done as a way to promote The Missing Pieces DVD, which are the scenes that were cut from Fire Walk With Me.

Fire Walk With Me (+deleted scenes, aka "The Missing Pieces"): The extended version of Fire Walk With Me that features the deleted scenes, considered by many the definitive cut of FWWM.

Fire Walk With Me discussed by David Lynch, Kyle MacLachlan and Sheryl Lee: An interview they did in 2003 where they talk about FWWM.

Georgia Coffee commercials: The Georgia Coffee commercials were a series of ads directed by David Lynch for a Japan only Coca-Cola line of canned coffee featuring Cooper and the police station trying to help a mysterious man named Ken, whose girlfriend is stuck in the Black Lodge.

Invitation to Love: In the show, Lucy, Nadine and other characters are obsessed with an exaggerated soap opera named “Invitation to Love”. You can see the whole show (16 minutes) here! The band Her’s named their album “Invitation To Her’s” after this parody.

Kyle MacLachlan Twin Peaks SNL parody: The Twin Peaks parody Kyle MacLachlan did in the episode he hosted of Saturday Night Live in late 1990.

Making Bets: A deleted scene featuring Cooper and Harry set around season two where they make bets on the Seahawks game.

Meet the Makers: A series of interviews with the writers and crew of Twin Peaks.

Mauve Zone: A photo archive featuring promo photos, Richard Beymer's polaroids, polaroids of the actors on the costume tests, behind the scenes footage of the three seasons and the movie, as well as outtakes, spoofs and deleted scenes.

Scenes Deleted: A YouTube channel who uploaded most of the deleted scenes of the first two seasons.

Twin Peaks: The Return behind the scenes: These were short films filmed by Richard Beymer during the production of the return. Most of them are featured in the DVDs of the complete series, but you can find the following on YouTube:

David Lynch as Gordon Cole

I Had Bad Milk in Dehradun

The Man With the Gray Elevated Hair

The Woodsman

SOURCES:

Glastonberry Grove: A great website filled with content from the original series. I'm very glad this site exists!

@laughingpinecone 's blog: If it weren't for Eva's amazing blog, I wouldn't have known half of these amazing web pages and sites. Go check out her amazing blog if you love Twin Peaks, Disco Elysium, Myst and more!

[akotosibigboy]

••• [ Blog #1 ] •••

"One Act Play"

Theme : The King Cheater

Length : One - act – play

Mode : High Mimetic

Medium : English

Setting ( Time and Place ) : 7 A.M. in the morning and the place is in the Palace

Character’s : Anne , Eunice , Princess, Tricia and Jay

What will be your name in the play ? : My name in the play will be King Allen

What will you be like ? : King Allen will be the cheater

Who else can be part on your dream role : Anne as Louise, Eunice as Clara Danielle, Princess as Ciarra Daevon , Trisha as Cielo and Jay as Giovanni

What will he/they be like ? :

Allen is tall ,brave, handsome and hearttrob for girls he is hot tempered and had brown hair and tanned skin.

Clara Danielle is the epitome of kindness and innocence. She has a wavy hair that reached the middle of her back, lips as soft as a feather, brown chocolate eyes that complimented her chinky eyes, and her skin golden as the sun.

Ciarra Daevon is someone who don't want to messed with. She's a bit short tempered and overly protected to her friends. She has short shoulder length hair, pale skin and stormy grey eyes that will send you shivers down to your spine the moment she looks at you.

Cielo is pretty but her face hides every bad things he do and she do everything just to steal King Allen to Queen Louise.

Giovanni is kind, has a masculine body and King Allen trusted friend.

Narration :

Once upon a time there was a Queen named Louise she was tall and white as snow she had red lips like a rose and her hair was brown also she had light blue eyes and was very nice and kind. She was very inlove with King Allen. King Allen was brave, handsome, intelligent and he is like a hearttrob for girls and princesses there was a princess named Cielo. Princess Cielo is the girlfriend of King Allen in the past. While walking down the stairs leading to the garden, Queen Louise saw King Allen talking to someone. Someone she didn’t expect. Her blood immediately boild at the sight of the woman who was clearly flirting with her husband. Queen Louise immediately called here friends she said to her friends Princess Clara Danielle and Princess Ciarra Daevon she saw King Allen talking with Princess Cielo and she kissed King Allen. Clara Danielle and Ciarra Daevon said to Queen Louise that she need to calm down and ask King Allen why is he talking with Princess Cielo and they kissed each other. Queen Louise said to her friends that Giovanni the trusted friend of King Allen that the King is just going to play archery. Queen Louise and her friends they went to horse barn to talk Giovanni and tell him what was going on.

Dialogue :

Scene 1

Queen Louise : Giovanni, if you don’t mind can I talk to you for a while?

Giovanni : Pleasant morning , your majesty queen and princesses what do you want to tell me ?

Queen Louise : Didn't you say the king would play archery, but I noticed him talking to someone, and it was Princess Cielo?

Giovanni : I'm sorry, dear queen, but I don't understand and I don’t know what you're saying because he just said, I'll send you a message that he'll play archery.

Princess Ciarra : I think you are lying because the king may have ordered you not to tell the queen what he was really planning to do.

Princess Clara : and I believe you are aware that Princess Cielo will meet him.

Giovanni : Dear queen and princesses, Im sorry but I don't really know what you are saying.

Queen Louise : Starting from now I want you to tell me all of the Kings doing.

Giovanni :

Scene 2

While eating dinner Queen Louise stay silent and King Allen did not know that Queen Louise saw that he and Princess Cielo were together.

King Allen : Hows your day my Queen?

Queen Louise : My friends and I have a lot of fun and how about you did you enjoy playing archery?

King Allen : Of course, actually I still need to practice, so I'll be back tomorrow with Giovanni.

Queen Louise : Can I come with you also ?

King Allen: Just stay here my queen I don’t want you to get tired and besides Im with Giovanni so don’t worry okay?

Scene 3

"Everyone, how about we place a bet on our game?" Princess Daevon asks the three who will be playing archery. "Sure, let’s have a bet" suddenly the King and Lady Ceilo sync responding to the challenge. But it made the princess arched her eyebrows and gave a wicked smirk. "I smell something awful; do you smell that Gio?" she sarcastically said. Gio only shrugged as a reply, "We should already get our bows before the clouds starts to block the sun" Gio changed the topic that made Daevon roll her eyes. Then again, she caught the King and Lady Ceilo’s hands touch because they both choose the same bow. "Oh my, I’m sorry your majesty, you can get this one" Ceilo shyly giggled. "No, no. you can have that one, I’ll find something else" the king insisted. "Like you did to her, ey?" Daevon said which the king doesn’t hear but Ceilo does. "Alright, place your bet before we start" She loudly said so she can be heard. The three place their bet but when its Ciarra’s turn, she had a mischievous idea that made her grinned. "If I win against Ceilo, she’ll be my servant for a month" she innocently said looking directly to Lady Ceilo. "You can’t do that! She’s a Lady" the king start losing his temper. "Oh yes, I can. And bet is a bet. If she wins then I’ll be her servant." She confidently said to the King. Giovanni is only observing them, how the king reacts, how Lady Ceilo was nervous and how Daevon is confident because she knows that she will win. "Its okay, your majesty. It just a bet. I can handle it." Ceilo nervously said. "Well then, that settled" Daevon happily when to her place. As they start, Daevon intended to lose which made the Lady happy but little did she know, she already fell to the trap. Daevon still won. "Looks like you’ll be my servant now, hey you sure you’re a lady? Seems that being a servant will suit you better" Daevon wickedly smiles but the king object it and said something that made everything clearer. "So, the rumors were indeed right. No matter you hide it, if it is really obvious." Ciarra laughs darkly. "Shame, the king having an affair with the queen’s half-sister. You should pick better that won’t rise any unpleasant rumors. Goodness, you have no taste on choosing your mistress" Daevon added while preparing to aim on something. "I don’t know what you’re talking about, stop talking nonsense or else-" the king denied. "Or else what? Ha! Well, if I shoot her? Will you do something? To that illegitimate child, the daughter of a witch. That sounds good on you Ceilo. The daughter of a witch indeed." They thought she was already finish talking. "What will happen if that spread to the kingdom? New headline: The King’s Mistress is a Witch" and that, she releases the arrow aiming the tree behind Ceilo and still have wide grin on her face leaving them behind.

Scene 4

When they finished playing giovanni immediately reported to Queen Louise but suddenly King Allen came but actually Princess Cielo already said to Queen Louise what happened while they are playing archery.

King Allen : Queen Louise ! Can I talk to you?

Queen Louise : why? What do you want to talk about? Oh wait is that about on what Princess Daevon do to Princess Cielo?

King Allen: So all this time you know it and did you just ordered her to do that?

Giovanni : King Allen and Queen louise calm down the soldiers and the servants can hear you.

Queen louise : No its fine you know why? So that they know what Princess Cielo and King Allen doing .

Their conversation was heard by the people of the palace and it spread until it reached the parents of King Allen so King Allen decided to talk Queen Louise and King Allen about this issue but people are angry with what Princess Cielo and King Allen did with what they did to Queen Louise so they chose Queen Louise and the kingdom choose their queen and the royal court banish the king and the witch.

[kousei2217]

🅙🅞🅤🅡🅝🅐🅛 🅦🅡🅘🅣🅘🅝🅖

"𝙰 𝚆𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚃𝚘 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛"

by: 𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙾𝙻𝙰𝚂 𝚂𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙺𝚂

A Walk to Remember is a novel written by an American writer Nicholas Sparks, it was released in October 1999. The novel was written in first-person, and the narrator is the seventeen-year-old boy. The story is all about Landon Carter and Jamie who fall in love with each other.

At First, this activity which we must need to read seems so boring to me. I say that it is boring because in the first place, I don’t like reading books. In addition, I feel sleepy while reading books and seeing my classmates fell asleep. While reading the novel A walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks, I encountered some words that I don't know their meaning. The Unfamiliar words activity by Ma'am Tricia which is listing down your unfamiliar words to your notebook and then searching its meaning was really a help for me and of course for my classmates. This activity helps us to increase our knowledge and widen our vocabulary by reading a book, searching for those unfamiliar words and after some days I found it interesting because of reading while we are sleepy.

In conclusion of everything I listed so far, I realized that these activity by our subject teacher Ma'am Tricia was really a great help especially we were a student who just began to learn everything we must learn. I learned that reading help us to develop our imagination and to increase our overall knowledge.

ⒸⓇⒾⓉⒾⓆⓊⒺ ⓅⒶⓅⒺⓇ ①

"𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙻𝚒𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕"

𝖇𝖞: 𝕹𝖆𝖔𝖘𝖍𝖎 𝕬𝖗𝖆𝖐𝖆𝖜𝖆

Naoshi Arakawa is a Japanese manga artist, known for his work Your Lie in April.

𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖫𝗂𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖠𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗅(𝖲𝗁𝗂𝗀𝖺𝗍𝗌𝗎 𝗐𝖺 𝖪𝗂𝗆𝗂 𝗇𝗈 𝖴𝗌𝗈) 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝖩𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗋𝗈𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗂𝖼 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝗆𝖺 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖺 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝖻𝗒 𝖭𝖺𝗈𝗌𝗁𝗂 𝖠𝗋𝖺𝗄𝖺𝗐𝖺, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖺𝖽𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗏𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖾-𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝗂𝖾, 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗅, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖽𝗎𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌.

🅒🅗🅐🅡🅐🅒🅣🅔🅡🅢

Arima Kousei - is a former child prodigy in playing piano, dubbed the "Human Metronome" for his mechanical accuracy, a product of his mother Saki's strict method of teaching.

Kaori Miyazono - she convinces Kōsei to play the piano again, first as her accompanist and later in a piano competition

Tsubaki Sawabe - is Kousei's childhood friend and next-door neighbor, who treats him like a little brother.

Ryouta Watari - is a student attending Sumiya Junior High School who is the captain of the football team.

Hiroko Seto - Kousei Arima’s piano mentor/guardian and a close friend of Saki Arima. Hiroko is also a renowned pianist in Japan who was also seen taking care of Saki before her death.

Summary:

Piano prodigy Arima Kousei dominated the competition and all child musicians knew his name. But after his mother, who was also his instructor, passed away, he had a mental breakdown while performing at a recital that resulted in him no longer being able to hear the sound of his piano even though his hearing was perfectly fine. Even two years later, Kousei hasn't touched the piano and views the world in monotone, and without any flair or color. He was content at living out his life with his good friends Tsubaki and Watari until, one day, a girl changed everything. Miyazono Kaori is a pretty, free spirited violinist whose playing style reflects her personality. Kaori helps Kousei return to the music world and show that it should be free and mold breaking unlike the structured and rigid style Kousei was used to.

Moral lesson:

The moral lesson that I had when I read and watched Your Lie in April, is to live your life to the fullest, dont let every hindrance in your life to drag you down, and especially, confess before it's too late because nobody knows if the one you love is also inloved with you. In this story, I learned that lie is more hurtful than the truth.

[jeanvaljean24601]

How to Watch Mad Men and More Great Shows for Free Right Now

Another day, another brand new streaming platform out there begging you to subscribe to its service so you can ignore your family members and binge-watch a bunch of TV shows and movies in the name of entertainment. This time, it's NBCUniversal's Peacock, which offers a free tier as well as  two premium options (one with ads and one without). The service  features a number of programs for free, including Friday Night Lights and even Parks and Recreation, but Peacock isn't the only place you can stream great shows without breaking the bank.

Below, we've gathered up a number of shows that don't require you to shell out money for Netflix,  Hulu,  Amazon Prime,  Disney+, Apple TV+, HBO Max, Peacock, and/or  whatever other streaming service subscriptions are out there. Sometimes you just need a simple freebie. And you know what? You deserve it. So check out the list below and take comfort in knowing it won't cost you a thing.

Watch it on: IMDb TV

Until recently you had to have a Netflix subscription to watch Mad Men, AMC's Emmy-award winning period drama from Matthew Weiner that was dedicated as much to style as it was to substance. The 1960s-set series, which traced the rise and fall of flawed Madison Avenue advertising executive Don Draper (Jon Hamm) through his own complicated relationship with identity, was a pointed commentary on the toxic masculinity, sexism, and racism of the era. It also changed the way we watch and talk about TV. If you haven't seen it yet, now's the perfect time to do so.

The Dick Van Dyke Show

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (complete series)

Realizing  The Dick Van Dyke Show is streaming for free feels a bit like winning a secret lottery or viewing an exceptional piece of art without paying the museum admission fee. The popular comedy, which ran for five seasons, was created by Carl Reiner and starred Dick Van Dyke as the head writer of a TV show, while  Mary Tyler Moore portrayed his wife. It's a timeless classic — one that took home 15 Emmys during its run, and if you've yet to experience it, you literally have no excuse at this point.

The Dick Van Dyke Show Photo: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Felicity is best known as the show in which Keri Russell cut her hair (not to be confused with the show in which Keri Russell wore a lot of great wigs, aka The Americans). Depicting Felicity Porter's (Russell) college years and the struggles that accompany trying to figure out who you're supposed to be, the show is also famous for Scott Speedman's whisper-talking and the ongoing battle of Ben (Speedman) vs. Noel (Scott Foley). Although the WB series was previously streaming on Hulu, you can now watch it for free on the ABC app.

A reimagining of the kitschy original series, Syfy's Battlestar Galacticastarred Edward James Olmos, Mary McDonnell, Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Michael Hogan, James Callis, and Jamie Bamber and explored the aftermath of a nuclear attack by the Cylons, cybernetic creatures invented by man who evolved and rebelled against their creators. The show was critically acclaimed for the way it tackled the subjects of science, religion, and politics, and for the way it explored the deeply complicated notion of what makes us human. Everything from the miniseries to the two BSG films (Razor and The Plan) is currently available to stream for free on Syfy's website, so there's no better time to watch it. So say we all!

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series), Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (first 13 seasons), YouTube (first 13 seasons)

For many millennials, the fourth series in the Degrassi franchise, Degrassi: The Next Generation, is the defining iteration of the long-running Canadian series. The drama series, which was sometimes so overly dramatic it was actually funny, tackled everything from date rape and suicide to sexual orientation and teen pregnancy. The series, which launched the careers of Drake (then known as Aubrey Graham) and Nina Dobrev, is streaming on multiple free platforms.

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Eli Stone really had it all, which is to say it had Victor Garber singing George Michael songs, Loretta Devine singing George Michael songs, and George Michael singing George Michael songs. What else is there? ABC's offbeat two-season comedy-drama starred a pre-Elementary Jonny Lee Miller as Eli Stone, a high-powered San Francisco lawyer whose brain aneurysm gave him prophetic visions — which usually involved his friends, family, and colleagues breaking into song. Aside from a couple of ill-advised plotlines (the pilot, which suggests vaccines cause autism, is best forgotten), the show was a blast: a weird but memorable cocktail that should have stuck around for more seasons because, as I mentioned, Victor Garber sang George Michael songs. Also, Sigourney Weaver played God?! -Kelly Connolly

Watch it on: YouTube (nearly every episode)

A true Canadian treasure,  The Red Green Show was a long-running comedy starring Steve Smith as Red Green, a handyman who constantly tried to cut corners using duct tape and who had his own cable TV show. It was a parody of home improvement shows and outdoor programs and featured segments like Handyman Corner, Adventures with Bill, and The Possum Lodge Word Game. The show ran for 15 seasons, airing on PBS in the States. 

TV Premiere Date Calendar: Find Out When Your Favorite Shows Are Back

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series), ABC app (complete series)

Critically beloved but struck down before its time,  My So-Called Life has been praised for its realistic and honest portrayal of teenage life, not just via Angela Chase (Claire Danes), but through the show's young supporting cast as well. Now considered to be one of the best shows of all time, it tackled topics like homophobia, homelessness, drug use, and more without ever feeling preachy or like an after-school special. Also, Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto) could lean.

Watch it on: CW Seed (first five seasons), IMDb TV (first five seasons)

If you don't have Netflix but still want to watch  Schitt's Creek, you'll be happy to know you can watch the first five seasons of the heartwarming, Emmy-nominated comedy series, about a wealthy family who loses everything they own except the town of the show's title, for free on CW Seed and IMDb TV.

Dan Levy and Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek Photo: Pop TV

Watch it on: Peacock (complete series); IMDb TV (complete series)

You may never know what it feels like to have Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) be proud of you, but you can pretend by watching all five seasons of  Friday Night Lights, a series that was as much about a Texas community as it was about the sport that united it. By the end of the show, you'll be asking yourself "What Would Riggins Do?" and tattooing "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" on your body, all while chanting "Texas forever!" Trust me, it happens to everybody.

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

It is relatively easy to forget that The CW series The Carrie Diaries was a prequel to  Sex and the City, because the charming show, which lasted just two seasons, was able to stand on its own. The coming-of-age series that followed a teenaged Carrie Bradshaw (AnnaSophia Robb) was relatively innocent compared to the original series. The show's 1980s setting made it easier for the writers to focus on more harmless family storylines and teenage heartbreaks, but the show never shied away from the heartstring-tugging drama of young adulthood either. It's a shame the show never got the kind of ratings it deserved and wasn't able to exist beyond Carrie's high school years, but the Season 2 finale works well as a series finale, so viewers won't feel as if the story was left incomplete. android tv box

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

It's a shame Bryan Fuller's saturated dramedy  Pushing Daisies, about a pie-maker (Lee Pace) with the ability to bring the dead back to life, couldn't bring itself back to life after becoming a casualty of the 2007-08 writers' strike. A whimsical delight, the show featured the pie-maker teaming up with a local private eye (Chi McBride) to solve murders by reviving the victims for a brief time. Known for its quirky characters, eccentric visual style, and Jim Dale's pitch-perfect narration, it remains must-see TV.

Watch it on: IMDb TV (first seven seasons); Peacock

Columbo kicked off nearly every episode by revealing the crime and its perpetrator to the audience, which means unlike most crime dramas, the show was less about whodunnit and more about Peter Falk's iconic raincoat-wearing homicide detective catching them and getting them to confess. Oh, and just one more thing: it's great.

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

The charming and playful Forever, which starred Ioan Gruffudd as an immortal medical examiner, was the one show that could have saved ABC's Tuesday at 10 p.m. death slot. But the network still canceled the series anyway, enraging the show's fans, who have never let the sting of its death go. Luckily, it now lives on, ahem, forever (aka until the content license expires) on CW Seed.

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series)

It sounds odd to say The Middle, which ran for nine seasons on ABC, was unfairly overlooked, but it always felt like the series, which followed the middle class Midwestern Heck family, was a bit of a hidden gem. It wasn't as popular with Emmy voters as, say, Modern Family, and critics also failed to give it its due, but it was a real, heartfelt, reliable family comedy with mass appeal, and you can stream it on IMDb TV for free. h96 tv box

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Trophy Wife's short life — it was canceled after just one season — can probably be chalked up to its unfortunate title, which was meant to be ironic but ultimately kept viewers from tuning in and experiencing the warmth of the show and the relationships at its center. Malin Akerman starred as the young wife of  Bradley Whitford's middle-aged lawyer, and the comedy explored the dynamics between the two, his children, and his two ex-wives, who were played by  Marcia Gay Harden and  Michaela Watkins. h96 max x3

Watch it on: NBC app (complete series)

Loosely based on the Biblical story of King David, Kings was a compelling drama before its time. Rudely cut down after just one season by NBC, the show starred Ian McShane as the king of the fictional kingdom of Gilboa, while  Christopher Egan portrayed an idealistic young soldier whose counterpart is David. The show also starred Sebastian Stan, which is reason enough to want to check it out.

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Ray Wise portrays Satan in Reaper, a supernatural dramedy about a slacker (Bret Harrison) who reluctantly becomes a reaper tasked with capturing escaped souls from hell after it's revealed his parents made a deal with the devil many, many years before. The fact the show only lasted two seasons is a crime against humanity. Luckily, you can watch it in its entirety for free on the ABC app. h96 max x3

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series)

A team of experts led by a kooky old scientist (John Noble), his son (Joshua Jackson), and an FBI agent (Anna Torv) investigate strange occurrences around the country, X-Files style, in the J.J. Abrams-produced Fringe. The series is one of the best broadcast science-fiction shows of all time, particularly in its first three seasons, and perfected the art of the serialized procedural by weaving the show's deep mythology and excellent character work into weekly standalone stories, making it easy to binge or watch in spurts. And by the time the end of Season 1 starts, you'll have a hard time stopping. -Tim Surette

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Vudu (complete series)

Although American TV producers would eventually adapt  Being Human, the original British version, which followed three supernatural beings trying to live amongst humans, is far superior. The show, which ran for five seasons, starred Aidan Turner, Russell Tovey, and  Lenora Crichlow as a vampire, werewolf, and ghost, respectively. So skip the U.S. version entirely and watch the U.K. series for free.

Watch it on: Pluto TV (complete series),  Vudu (complete series), Tubi (complete series)

The Australian young adult-oriented series Dance Academy is not exactly what you'd call "great television," but it is great fun. Brimming with teen angst and melodrama, the series, which ran for three seasons and even had a follow-up movie, followed a handful of dancers at Sydney's National Academy of Dance as they trained in the sport they loved while also falling in and out of love with each other. The acting was sometimes questionable, but the series itself was addictive, not to mention one of the easiest binges you'll ever encounter. h96 max tv box

3rd Rock From the Sun

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (complete series), Crackle (all six seasons),  Vudu (all six seasons)

You might think a show about a group of socially awkward, 1,000-year-old aliens in human skin suits who are trying (badly) to pose as a human family and blend into an ordinary Midwest town might sound ridiculous, and, well, that's fair. But  3rd Rock From the Sun was still charming in even its most bizarre moments and gave its cast a lot of room to play up their roles and create an ensemble of weirdos that, at some point or another, start to tap into their newfound humanity and relish their new home here on Earth. -Amanda Bell.

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2018 YA Reads by Authors of Color

#PrettyBoy Must Die by Kimberly Reid - A CIA prodigy's cover is blown when he accidentally becomes an internet sensation, inspired by the #Alexfromtarget story.

500 Words or Less by Juleah del Rosario - To redefine her reputation senior year, Nic Chen begins writing their college admissions essays. But the more essays Nic writes for other people, the less sure she becomes of herself, and whether her moral compass even points north anymore.

After the Shot Drops by Randy Ribar - A powerful novel about friendship, basketball, and one teen's mission to create a better life for his family in the tradition of Jason Reynolds and Walter Dean Myers.   

A Girl Like That by Tanaz Bhathena - When half-Hindu, half-Parsi school troublemaker Zarin Wadia dies in a car crash with a boy named Porus, no one in her South Asian community in Jeddah is surprised—what else would you expect from a girl like that?

A Land of Permanent Goodbyes by Atia Abawi -  After their home in Syria is bombed, Tareq and family seek refuge, first with extended family in Raqqa, a stronghold for the militant group, Daesh, and then abroad.

A Reaper At the Gates (An Ember in the Ashes #3) by Sabaa Tahir - Within the Empire, the threat of war looms, putting Laia, Helene, and Elias at risk. 

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings edited by Ellen Oh & Elsie Chapman - 15 bestselling and acclaimed authors reimagine the folklore and mythology of East and South Asia in short stories that are by turns enchanting, heartbreaking, romantic, and passionate. 

All of This is True by Lygia Day Penaflor - Four privileged Long Island teens befriend their favorite YA author with disastrous results.

All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages edited by Saundra Mitchell - A historical-fiction anthology shines the spotlight on queer teens, from as far back as the 1300s to the 21st century.

All That I Can Fix by Crystal Chan - Ronney kept believing his dad would snap out of it and shape up—until his hope turned into anger.

All the Stars Denied by Guadalupe Garcia McCall - In this companion novel to SHAME THE STARS, McCall covers the hidden history of the United States and its first mass deportation event that swept up hundreds of thousands of Mexican American citizens during the Great Depression.

Along the Indigo by Elsie Chapman - Love, mystery, and tragedy unfold for Marsden and Jude in a small town with a haunted past.

American Panda by Gloria Chao - An incisive, laugh-out-loud contemporary debut about a Taiwanese-American teen, Mei whose parents want her to be a doctor and marry a Taiwanese Ivy Leaguer despite her squeamishness with germs and crush on a Japanese classmate.

American Road Trip by Patrick Flores-Scott - After Teodoro’s older brother, Manny, left for Iraq, the Avilas begin to fall apart. But in a desperate effort to save Manny from himself and pull their family back together, T's fiery sister Xochitl hoodwinks her brothers into a road trip with many stops along the road to visit loved ones from their past. 

Americanized: Rebel Without a Greencard by Sara Saedi - Saedi recounts her teen years growing up and coming of age in 1990s California while fearing deportation for herself and her undocumented family.

Analee in Real Life by Janelle Milanes - A genuinely fresh spin on Pygmalion in high school, starring Cuban-American Analee Echevarria. 

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro - Rooted in the working-class neighborhoods of Oakland, California, this is a tale of black teenager Moss Jeffries, diverse in sexuality and gender, organizing to challenge state-sanctioned violence.

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan - Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: When her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird .Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, travels to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time. There, she is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. 

The Beauty that Remains by Ashley Woodfolk - Music brought Autumn, Shay, and Logan together. But when tragedy strikes each of them, somehow music is no longer enough. Now Logan can’t stop watching vlogs of his dead ex-boyfriend. Shay is a music blogger struggling to keep it together. And Autumn sends messages that she knows can never be answered. Despite the odds, one band's music will reunite them and prove that after grief, beauty thrives in the people left behind. 

The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton - In the opulent world of Orléans, Belles are revered, for they control Beauty. Camellia Beauregard wants to be recognized as the most talented Belle in the land. But she soon finds that behind the gilded palace walls live dark secrets. When the Queen of Orléans asks Camellia to risk her own life and help the ailing princess by using Belle powers in unintended ways, Camellia faces an impossible decision.

Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria - In the city of Eldra, people are ruled by ancient prophecies. For centuries, the high council has stayed in power by virtue of the prophecies of the elder seers. In the present day, Cassa, the orphaned daughter of rebels, is determined to fight back against the high council. But by the time Cassa and her friends uncover the mystery of the final infallible prophecy, it may be too late to save the city — or themselves.

Between the Lines by Nikki Grimes - A new group of students join Mr. Ward’s poetry class in the companion novel to Bronx Masquerade

A Blade So Black by L.L. McKinney - The first time the Nightmares came, it nearly cost Alice her life. Now she's trained to battle monstrous creatures in the dark dream realm known as Wonderland. But when Alice's handsome and mysterious mentor is poisoned, she has to find the antidote by venturing deeper into Wonderland than she’s ever gone before.

Blanca & Roja by Anne-Marie McLemore - The del Cisne girls, Blanca & Roja, have never just been sisters; they’re also rivals. Because of a generations-old spell, their family is bound to a bevy of swans deep in the woods. But when two local boys become drawn into the game, the swans’ spell intertwines with the strange and unpredictable magic lacing the woods, and all four of their fates depend on facing truths that could either save or destroy them. 

Blood of a Thousand Stars (Empress of a Thousand Skies #2) by Rhoda Belleza - Separated, unaware of the others, Rhee, Aly, and Kara try to wrest control of the galaxy from an evil celebrity. 

The Boyfriend Bracket by Kate Evangelista - Stella has had a hopeless crush on Will, her older brother's best friend FOREVER, but now that Cam and Will have graduated and are going off to college, this year is her chance to really strike out on her own. With the help of her best friend Franklin, she comes up with the perfect plan to have a boyfriend by Christmas: The Boyfriend Bracket. Or it seems like the perfect plan...right up until Will starts showing up again.

Broken Beautiful Hearts by Kami Garcia - Cuban-American Peyton Rios is a rising soccer star to discovers her boyfriend’s dark secret, and confronts him—and finds herself falling down a flight of stairs. Peyton’s knee—and maybe her dream of going pro—is shattered. With her future on the line, Peyton goes to stay with her uncle in a small Tennessee town to focus on her recovery. Dating is the last thing on her mind—until she meets sweet, sexy Owen Law. 

Bruja Born (Brooklyn Brujas #2) by Zoraida Cordova - Teenage bruja Lula Mortiz tries to save her boyfriend, Maks, by cheating Death; however, Lady de la Muerte is not so easily bested.

Buried Beneath the Baobab Tree by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani - The unnamed young Nigerian narrator of this novel, with a loving family and academic aspirations, is kidnapped by Boko Haram along with many other girls and women from her village.

Catching Teller Crow by Ambelin & Ezekiel Kwaymullina - Nothing's been the same for Beth Teller since she died. Her dad, a detective, is the only one who can see and hear her - and he's drowning in grief. But now they have a mystery to solve together. Who is Isobel Catching, and what's her connection to the fire that killed a man? 

Chainbreaker (Timekeeper #2) by Tara Sim - In 1876, someone is destroying the clock towers that control India’s time. Teenage mechanics Danny Hart and half-white, half-Indian Daphne Richards as they travel to Agra to investigate a series of clock tower bombings. 

Check Please! Book 1: Hockey by Nogzi Ukazu - A collection of the first half of the megapopular webcomic series of the same name, Check, Please!: #Hockey is the first book of a hilarious coming-of-age story about hockey, bros, and trying to find yourself during the best four years of your life.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi - 17-year-old Zélie and companions journey to a mythic island seeking a chance to bring back magic to the land of Orïsha, in a fantasy world infused with the textures of West Africa.

Crown of Thunder (Beasts Made of Night #2) by Tochi Onyebuchi - Taj has escaped Kos, but Queen Karima will go to any means necessary—including using the most deadly magic—to track him down.

Damselfly by Chandra Prasad- In the wake of crash-landing on a deserted tropical island, Samantha Mishra and her other private school classmates must rely on their wits and one another to survive. 

Dear Heartbreak edited by Heather Denetrios - This is a book about the dark side of love: the way it kicks your ass, tears out your heart, and then forces you to eat it, bite by bloody bite. If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone. 

The Devil’s Thief (The Last Magician #2) by Lisa Maxwell - Esta and Harte set off on a cross-country chase through time to steal back the elemental stones they need to save the future of magic.

The Demon Race by Alexandria Warwick - When 17-year-old Namali learns of her arranged marriage, she flees home and enters the Demon Race for the chance to change her fate. But to compete, she must cross the Saraj on a daeva, a shadow demon that desires its own reward: to infect her soul with darkness. In this race of men and demons, only one can win. But the price of winning might be more than Namali is willing to pay.

Djinn by Sang Kromah - Bijou Fitzroy is strange. With the unwanted gift of being an empath, she has spent her entire life as a sheltered recluse. When Bijou and her grandmother move to Sykesville and she starts to attend the local high school, Bijou’s world begins to crumble. Town locals begin to disappear and the creatures from her nightmares begin to take shape in her reality. She finds herself at the center of a war she never knew was being fought all around her.

The Disturbed Girls’ Dictionary by NoNieqa Ramos - Officially classified as “disturbed,” Puerto Rican Macy vents her rage, frustrations, and fears in a dictionary-style journal.

Down and Across by Arvin Ahmadi While his parents travel to Iran to visit his ailing grandfather, 16-year-old Iranian-American Scott Ferdowsi quits his boring summer lab internship in Philadelphia and secretly travels to D.C., seeking answers about his (in)ability to succeed.

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland - The Civil War is over, but mostly because the dead rose at Gettysburg—and then started rising everywhere else. Fighting the undead is a breeze for Jane McKenne, an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. But the fight for freedom? That’s a different story.

Dream Country by Shannon Gibney - The heartbreaking story of five generations of young people from a single African-and-American family pursuing an elusive dream of freedom. 

Driving by Starlight by Anat Deracine - Two teenage girls in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, rebel against a patriarchal culture while struggling to navigate their complex family lives.

Emergency Contact by Mary H.K. Choi - A secret relationship conducted almost exclusively via text buoys Korean-American college freshman Penny Lee, slouching awkwardly toward adulthood and a 21-year-old cafe manager who is trying to clean up the mess his life has become.

Empress of All Seasons by Emiko Jean - Each generation, a competition is held to find the next empress of Honoku. The rules are simple. Survive the palace’s enchanted seasonal rooms. Marry the prince. Torn between duty and love, loyalty and betrayal, vengeance and forgiveness, the choices of Mari, Taro, and Akira will decide the fate of Honoku. 

The Fall of Innocence by Jenny Torres Sanchez - When she was 8 years old, half-Mexican, half-El Salvadoran Emilia DeJesus was brutally assaulted. But when a startling discovery about her attacker's identity comes to light, and the memories of that day break through the mental box in which she'd shut them away, Emilia is forced to confront her new reality and make sense of shifting truths about her past, her family, and herself. 

Final Draft by Riley Redgate - 18-year-old high school senior Laila Piedra is determined to write the best sci-fi story ever. Dr. Nazarenko has led Laila to believe that she must choose between perfection and sanity—but rejecting her all-powerful mentor may be the only way for Laila to thrive.

The Final Six by Alexandra Monir -  Italian-American Leo Danieli and Iranian-American Naomi Ardalan must become astronauts in record time for an inaugural space mission.

Finding Yvonne by Brandy Colbert - Yvonne's longtime plans to play violin professionally seem to be falling apart as she nears graduation. Feeling unmoored, she begins seeing a street performer while also pondering her longtime relationship with her father's sous chef. Ultimately her unexpected pregnancy forces some hard talks and hard choices.

Fire & Heist by Sarah Beth Durst - In Sky Hawkins's family, leading your first heist is a major milestone. Embarking on a life of crime is never easy, and Sky discovers secrets about her mother, who recently went missing, the real reason her boyfriend broke up with her, and a valuable jewel that could restore her family's wealth and rank in their community.

For A Muse of Fire by Heidi Heilig - 16-year-old shadow puppeteer Jetta Chantray performs with her family’s traveling troupe, the Ros Nai. Her skill and fame are her family’s way to earn a spot aboard the royal ship to Aquitan, where rumor has it the Mad King has a spring that cures his ills. But as rebellion seethes and as Jetta meets a young smuggler, she will face truths and decisions that she never imagined—and safety will never seem so far away.

Fresh Ink edited by Lamar Giles - 13 leading YA voices from diverse backgrounds lend their talents to this anthology of 12 fictional short stories.

From Twinkie, With Love by Sandhya Menon - Aspiring filmmaker and wallflower Twinkle Mehra has stories she wants to tell. So when fellow film geek Sahil Roy approaches her to direct a movie for the upcoming Summer Festival, Twinkle is all over it. The chance to publicly showcase her voice as a director? Dream come true. The fact that it gets her closer to her longtime crush, Neil Roy—a.k.a. Sahil’s twin brother? Dream come true x 2.

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan - Thrust into the beauty and horror of the Hidden Palace, will Paper Girl Lei survive?

Girls on the Line by Jennie Liu - A teen pregnancy puts two orphan girls in contemporary China on a collision course with factory bosses, family planning regulators, and a bride trafficker.

Give Me Some Truth by Eric Gansworth - In the 1980s, Carson Mastick’s Native American coming-of-age story grapples with the day-to-day details of teenagers’ lives on and off the reservation.

The Healer by Donna Freitas - Marlena Oliveira has—mysteriously, miraculously—been given the power to heal all kinds of ailments. But her power comes at a price: she can’t go to school, she can’t have friends her own age, and she certainly can’t date.Then she meets Finn, a boy who makes her want to fall in love. For the first time, she begins to doubt whether her gift is worth all that she must give up to keep it.

The Heartforger (Bone Witch #2) by Rin Chupeco - With a thirst for vengeance, a band of terrifying daeva at her command, and her resurrected lover Kalen by her side, dark asha Tea is ready to face her adversaries.

Hearts Unbroken by Cynthia Leitich Smith - A thoughtful story of Native American Louise Wolfe navigating the complicated, confusing waters of high school — and first love.

Hide With Me by Sorboni Banerjee - A powerful story about the unbreakable bonds of friendship, the headiness of first love, and the courage to fight for a brighter future against all odds.

Home and Away by Candice Montgomery - Tasia Quirk is young, Black, and fabulous. But when she catches her mamma trying to stuff a mysterious box in the closet, her identity is suddenly called into question. Now Tasia’s determined to unravel the lies that have overtaken her life. 

Hope is Our Only Wing by Rutendo Tavengerwei - In Zimbabwe, 15-year-old Shamiso, struggles with grief and bewilderment following her father's death. For Tanyaradzwa, whose life has been turned upside down by a cancer diagnosis, hope is the only reason to keep fighting. As the two of them form an unlikely friendship, Shamiso begins to confront her terrible fear of loss. 

I Am Thunder by Muhammad Khan 15-year-old Muzna Saleem, who dreams of being a writer, struggles with controlling parents who only care about her studying to be a doctor. Forced to move to a new school in South London, Muzna realizes that the bullies will follow her wherever she goes. As her new freedom starts to disappear, Muzna is forced to question everything around her and make a terrible choice - keep quiet and betray herself, or speak out and betray her heart?

Ignite the Stars by Maura Milan - Criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot, Ia Cocha has spent her life terrorizing the Olympus Commonwealth, the imperialist nation that destroyed her home. When she’s captured, Ia is trapped at the Commonwealth’s military academy, desperately plotting her escape. But new acquaintances—including Brinn and their charming Flight Master, Knives—cause Ia to question her own alliances. Can she find a way to escape the Commonwealth’s clutches before these bonds deepen?

Imagine Us Happy by Jennifer Yu - Stella lives with depression. But when she meets Kevin, she feels less lonely, listened to—and hopeful for the first time since ever…But to keep that feeling, Stella lets her grades go and her friendships slide. With her life spinning out of control, she’s got to figure out what she truly needs, what’s worth saving—and what to let go.

Inferno (Talon #5) by Julie Kagawa - Ember Hill has learned a shocking truth about herself: she is the blood of the Elder Wyrm, the ancient dragon who leads Talon and who is on the verge of world domination. With the stakes rising and the Elder Wyrm declaring war, time is running out for the rogues and any dragon not allied with Talon. The final battle approaches. And if Talon is victorious, the world will burn.

Into the Black (Beyond the Red #2) by Ava Jae - The revelation of Eros’ parentage leads to political intrigues and a change in his relationship with Kora.

Isan by Mary Ting - After meteors devastate the Earth, 17-year-old Ava struggles to survive and ends up in juvenile detention, until she is selected for a new life—with a catch. She must be injected with an experimental serum. To receive the serum Ava agrees to join a program controlled by ISAN, the International Sensory Assassin Network.While on a mission, she is abducted by a rebel group led by Rhett and told that not only does she have a history with him, but her entire past is a lie perpetuated by ISAN to ensure her compliance. Unsure of who to trust, Ava must decide if her strangely familiar and handsome captor is her enemy or her savior—and time is running out. 

Isle of Blood and Stone by Makiia Lucier - Mysterious maps from opposite ends of the sea cast doubt on the whereabouts of two princes, presumed dead.

Jazz Owls by Margarita Engle -  Against the backdrop of World War II, a patriotic Mexican-American family proudly contributes to the war effort despite pervasive racism.

Jinxed by Amy McCulloch - Lacey Chu has big dreams of becoming a companioneer for MONCHA, the largest tech firm in North America and the company behind the  "baku" - a customisable smart pet that functions as a phone but makes the perfect companion too. One night, Lacey comes across the remains of an advanced, but broken baku. Days of work later when the baku opens its eyes, Lacey calls him Jinx. Slowly but surely, Jinx becomes more than just a baku to Lacey. But what is Jinx, really? He seems to be more than just a robotic pet. He seems...real.

Kingdom of the Blazing Phoenix (Rise of the Empress #2) by Julie C. Dao - Princess Jade has grown up in exile, hidden away in a monastery while her stepmother, the ruthless Xifeng, rules as empress of Feng Lu. Ready to reclaim her place as rightful heir, Jade embarks on a quest to raise the Dragon Lords and defeat Xifeng and the Serpent God once and for all. 

Learning to Breathe by Janice Lynn Mather - Sent away to live with relatives in Nassau, Bahamas, to escape her mother’s wild lifestyle, Indira’s new home is anything but a sanctuary.

Legacy of Light (The Effgies #3) by Sarah Raughley - After Saul’s strike on Oslo—one seemingly led by Maia herself—the Effigies’ reputation is in shambles. Belle has gone rogue, Chae Rin and Lake have disappeared, and the Sect is being dismantled and replaced by a terrifying new world order helmed by Blackwell. If the Effigies can’t put the pieces together soon, there may not be much left of the world they’ve fought so desperately to save.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann - Alice has her blissful summer take an unexpected turn when she meets Takumi and can’t stop thinking about him. As they get closer, Alice, who is asexual, has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated—or understood.

Live in Infamy by Caroline Tung Richmond - In an alternate world in which the Axis Powers won WWII, 16-year-old Chinese-American Ren Cabot grapples with the cost of revolution.

Love, Hate & Other Filters by Samira Ahmed - High school senior Maya Aziz works up the courage to tell her parents that she’s gotten into the film school of her dreams in New York City, but their expectations combined with anti-Muslim backlash from a terror attack threaten to derail her dream.

Love & War (Alex & Eliza #2) by Melissa de la Cruz - As the war for American Independence carries on, two newlyweds are settling into their new adventure: marriage. But the honeymoon's over, and Alexander Hamilton and Eliza Schuyler are learning firsthand just how tricky wedded life can be, tested by lingering jealousies and family drama.

Lovely, Dark, and Deep by Justina Chen - Biracial Viola Li has her future as a globe-trotting journalist all planned out, but everything comes into question when her body suddenly betrays her, after she develops an extreme case of photosensitivity, an inexplicable allergy to sunlight. 

The Lost Kids (Never Ever #2) by Sara Saedi - Just a few weeks ago, Wylie Dalton was living on a magical island where nobody ages past 17. Now, her home is a creaky old boat where she's joined a ragtag group of cast-offs from the island. But when the Lost Kids invade Minor Island, they're shocked to find it totally deserted, except for one survivor who reveals the shocking news: adults have discovered the island.

Mariam Sharma Hits the Road by Sheba Karim - Three Pakistani-American teens, Mariam, Ghazala, and Umar, go on a cathartic summer road trip through the Deep South.

Meet-Cute edited by Jennifer L. Armetrout - Whether or not you believe in fate, or luck, or love at first sight, every romance has to start somewhere, an anthology of original short stories featuring tales of "how they first met" from some of today’s most popular YA authors. 

Mem by Bethany C. Morrow - In alternate reality Montreal (1925), a young woman’s personality is the result of a startling experimental procedure, leaving her to struggle with the question of who she really is.

Mirage by Somaiya Daud - In a star system dominated by the brutal Vathek empire, 18-year-old Amani is a dreamer. But when adventure comes for Amani, it is not what she expects: she is kidnapped by the regime and become the body double of the cruel Princess Maram. As Amani is forced into her new role, she can’t help but enjoy the palace’s beauty—and her time with the princess’ fiancé, Idris. But the glitter of the royal court belies a world of violence and fear. If Amani ever wishes to see her family again, she must play the princess to perfection. 

Monday’s Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson - Washington, D.C., eighth-graders Claudia Coleman and her best (and only) friend, Monday Charles, were inseparable, often mistaken for twins—until the day Monday disappeared.

Monk! by Youssef Daoudi - This vividly illustrated biography of jazz legend Thelonious Monk brings to life his relationship with the headstrong baroness who would become a life long friend and patron.

Monsters (The Reckoner #2) by David A. Robertson - Cole Harper is struggling to settle into life in Wounded Sky First Nation. He may have stopped a serial killer but the trouble is far from over. A creature lurks in the shadows of Blackwood Forest, the health clinic is on lockdown by a mysterious organization, and long-held secrets threaten to bubble to the surface. Can Cole learn the truth about his father's death? 

My So-Called Bollywood Life by Nisha Sharma - A fresh, madcap rom-com in which a Princeton, New Jersey, high school senior, aspiring film school student, and Bollywood junkie Vaneeta “Winnie” Mehta navigates the dramas of real life.

Not the Girls You’re Looking For by Aminah Mae Safi - Iraqi-American Leila “Lulu” Saad is about to graduate from high school with her three best friends by her side, but things get messy and senior year becomes a little more complicated than expected.

Odd One Out by Nic Stone - Courtney Cooper is in love with his longtime female best friend, Jupiter Charity-Sanchez, who is an out-and-proud lesbian. But the arrival of a new friend, Rae Evelyn Chin, who is questioning her sexuality, complicates their relationship and inspires new questions and possibilities between the trio. 

Out of Left Field by Kris Hui Lee - Marnie’s love of baseball—and the stalwart friends with whom she plays the game with such passion—has been the centerpiece of her life; but now she’s 17 and things are changing after she replaces Cody, the school’s star pitcher. With her own team against her, Marnie begins questioning her abilities. And when fate throws her a curveball, can she play without losing the game, Cody, and her belief in herself?

The Outcast (Summoner #4) by Taran Matharu - Arcturus is just an orphaned stable boy when he discovers he has the ability to summon demons from another world and sent to Vocans Academy. As the first commoner gifted with this ability, his discovery challenges the nobility and the powers that be and Arcturus soon makes enemies. With no one but his demon Sacharissa by his side, Arcturus must prove himself as a worthy Summoner...

Period: 12 Voices Tell the Bloody Truth edited by Kate Farrell - In this collection, writers of various ages and across racial, cultural, and gender identities share stories about the period. Each of twelve authors brings an individual perspective and sensibility. Told with warmth and humor, these essays celebrate all kinds of period experiences.

Picture Us in the Light by Kelly Loy Gilbert - Chinese-American Danny Cheng has always known his parents have secrets. But when he discovers a taped-up box in his father's closet filled with old letters and a file on a powerful Silicon Valley family, he realizes there's much more to his family's past than he ever imagined.

Pitch Dark by Courtney Alameda - Set against a future of marauding space scavengers and deadly aliens who kill with sound, Tuck and Laura must survive abroad the USS John Muir. 

The Place Between Breaths by An Na  - Walking away from those we love most may seem like the kindest thing we can do, but it’s a choice that will forever haunt those we leave behind: this holds true for 16-year-old Grace. 

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevdeo - In Harlem, NY, Dominican-American Xiomara Batista who dubs herself The Poet X, clashes with her strict, Catholic mother and runs up against her own self-doubt as she explores her doubts about religion, her fears of dating, and her budding talent for slam poetry. 

Pride by Ibi Zoboi - 17-year-old Haitian-Domitian-American Zuri Benitez deals with gentrification in her Brooklyn Bushwick neighborhood and her own bias against Darius Darcy and his rich family in this Pride and Prejudice remix.

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang - Prince Sebastian has a secret: at night he puts on daring dresses and takes Paris by storm as the fabulous Lady Crystallia. Sebastian’s secret weapon (and best friend) is the brilliant dressmaker Frances. But Frances dreams of greatness, and being someone’s secret weapon means being a secret. Forever. How long can Frances defer her dreams to protect a friend?

Reflection: A Twisted Fable by Elizabeth Lim - What if Mulan had to travel to the Underworld? When Captain Shang is mortally wounded by Shan Yu in battle, Mulan must travel to the Underworld, Diyu, in order to save him from certain death. Will Mulan be able to save Shang before it's too late? Will he ever be able to trust her again? Or will she lose him--and be lost in the Underworld--forever?

The Resolutions by Mia Garcia - From hiking trips, to four-person birthday parties, to never-ending group texts, Jess, Lee, Ryan, and Nora have always been inseparable—and unstoppable. But now, with senior year on the horizon, they’ve been splintering off and growing apart. And so, Jess makes a plan and adds a new twist: instead of making their own resolutions, the four friends assign them for each other—dares like kiss someone you know is wrong for you, show your paintings, learn Spanish, say yes to everything.

Restore Me (Shatter Me #4) by Tahereh Mafi - Juliette Ferrars thought she'd won. She took over Sector 45, was named the new Supreme Commander, and now has Warner by her side. But she's still the girl with the ability to kill with a single touch. When tragedy hits, who will she become?

Run, Riot by Nikesh Shukla - When teenagers Hari and Jamal film an unarmed youth from their estate being beaten by police, they find themselves hunted. But as they go on the run with Hari's twin sister, Taran, and Jamal's girlfriend, Anna, the four friends discover that the truth behind the shooting goes deeper. 

Running with Lions by Julian Winters - A multiethnic group of Midwestern teenage boys contend with soccer and sexual identity. 

The Season of Rebels and Roses by Virginia Sanchez-Korrol - Ranging from Puerto Rico to Cuba and the United States, this engaging novel set in the late 1880s, follows historical figures that were instrumental in the fight for self-determination in Puerto Rico.

Secrets of the Casa Rosada by Alex Temblador - 16-year-old Mexican-American Martha has to adjust to a new life with her maternal grandmother, a respected curanderaor healer in Laredo, Texas, after her reliably unreliable mother dumps her at the pink house filled with tokens of her mom's childhood that might, maybe, explain why she abandoned Martha, leaving her with a family she never knew existed.

The Secret Science of Magic by Melissa Keil - A quirky high school romance unfolds in the alternating voices of math whiz Sophia and aspiring magician Joshua. In life and love, timing is everything. 

Shadow of the Fox by Julie Kagawa - Demons have burned the temple Yumeko was raised in to the ground, killing everyone within, including the master who trained her to both use and hide her kitsune shapeshifting powers. Yumeko escapes with the temple’s greatest treasure—one part of the ancient scroll. Fate thrusts her into the path of a mysterious samurai, Kage Tatsumi of the Shadow Clan. Yumeko knows he seeks what she has...and is under orders to kill anything and anyone who stands between him and the scroll. 

Shadowsong (Wintersong #2) by S. Jae-Jones - Liesl is working toward furthering both her brother’s and her own musical careers. But when troubling signs arise that the barrier between worlds is crumbling, Liesl must return to the Underground to unravel the mystery of life, death, and the Goblin King—who he was, who he is, and who he will be.

Smoke in the Sun (A Flame in the Mist #2) by Renee Ahdieh - After Okami is captured in the Jukai forest, Mariko has no choice—to rescue him, she tricks her brother, Kenshin, and betrothed, Raiden, into thinking she was being held by the Black Clan against her will. But each secret Mariko unfurls gives way to the next, ensnaring her and Okami in a political scheme that threatens their honor, their love and very the safety of the empire.

Snow in Love: Four Stories by Aimee Friedman, Melissa de la Cruz, Nic Stone & Kasie West - Curl up in front of a crackling fire. Grab a mug of hot cocoa. And delve into this deliciously cozy and compelling YA collection of wintry love stories. 

Someone to Love by Melissa de la Cruz - High school junior Olivia Blakely struggles with disordered eating and a life in the spotlight as her father’s political career starts to rise. 

Sorry Not Sorry by Jamie Reed - Janelle and Alyssa used to be BFFs -- but not anymore. But, suddenly, Alyssa's diabetes becomes the talk of the school. It's turned life-threatening; without a kidney transplant, her chances are not good. Despite reservations, Janelle gets tested and finds that she's a rare, perfect match with Alyssa for a transplant. But organ donations aren't very common in her community, and she starts to feel pushback. When feuds and accusations push the girls further apart, Janelle doesn't know what to do. Will the match bring the girls back together, or drive them apart for good?

A Spark of White Fire by Sangu Mandanna - In a universe of capricious gods, dark moons, and kingdoms built on the backs of spaceships, a cursed queen sends her infant daughter away, a jealous uncle steals the throne of Kali from his nephew, and an exiled prince vows to take his crown back. Raised alone and far away from her home on Kali, Esmae longs to return to her family. When the King of Wychstar offers to gift the unbeatable, sentient warship Titania to a warrior that can win his competition, she sees her way home: she’ll enter the competition, reveal her true identity to the world, and help her famous brother win back the crown of Kali. 

Star-Touched Stories by Roshani Choski - Three lush and adventurous stories in the Star-Touched world.

Star-Crossed by Pintip Dunn - Princess Vela is tasked with choosing a boy fit to die for the king, which is impossible enough. But then Carr, the boy she's loved all her life, emerges as the best candidate in the Bittersweet Trials. Refusing to accept losing the boy she loves, Vela bends the rules and cheats. But when someone begins to sabotage the Trials, Vela must reevaluate her own integrity—and learn the true sacrifice of becoming a ruler.

The Storyteller (Sea of Ink and Gold #3) by Traci Chee - Sefia is determined to keep Archer out of the Guard's clutches and their plans for war between the Five Kingdoms. As Sefia and Archer watch Kelanna start to crumble to the Guard's will, they will have to choose between their love and joining a war that just might tear them apart.

This is Kind of an Epic Love Story by Kacen Callender - Nathan Bird doesn’t believe in happy endings. But his friend Florence, is set on making sure Nate finds someone else. And in a rom-com-worthy twist, someone does come along: Oliver James Hernández, his childhood best friend. After a painful mix-up when they were little, Nate finally has the chance to tell Ollie the truth about his feelings. But can Nate find the courage to pursue his own happily ever after?

Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman - Music helps a Washington state teenager Rumi Seto overcome guilt and grief after the death of her beloved younger sister, Lea. 

This is What It Feels Like by Rebecca Barrow - It used to be the three of them, Dia, Jules, and Hanna, messing around and making music and planning for the future. But like the lyrics of a song you used to play on repeat, there’s no forgetting a best friend. And for Dia, Jules, and Hanna, this impossible challenge — to ignore the past, in order to jumpstart the future — will only become possible if they finally make peace with the girls they once were, and the girls they are finally letting themselves be.

Thunderhead (Scythe #2) by Neal Shusterman - Rowan and Citra take opposite stances on the morality of the Scythedom, putting them at odds. 

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now by Dana L. Davis - At 16-years-old, African-American Tiffany Sly suddenly lands on a different planet: Simi Valley, California to live with the biological dad she’s never known. But Tiffany has a secret. Another man claims he’s Tiffany’s real dad—and she only has seven days before he shows up to demand a paternity test and the truth comes out. 

Toil & Trouble: 15 Tales of Women and Witchcraft edited by Jessica Spotwood & Tess Sharpe - A short story collection that illustrates the multitudes of girlhood, womanhood, and magic.

Toxic by Lydia Kang - Hana, a secretly created teen girl, abandoned aboard the sentient biological spaceship Cyclo, which is dying, encounters a mercenary boy doomed, Fennec "Fenn" Actias, to perish on the ship for his last job.

Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse - After the Big Water, Maggie Hoskie’s monster-slaying clan powers have woken up. She’s going to need them on a journey culminating in the kind of battle fantasy readers will relish.

Two Dark Reigns (Three Dark Crowns #3) by Kendare Blake - A victorious Katharine sits on the throne, Mirabella and Arsinoe are in hiding, and an unexpected renegade is about to wage a war of her own. The crown has been won, but these queens are far from done.

Tyler Johnson Was Here by Jay Coles - When Marvin's twin brother, Tyler, is found dead by police violence, Marvin falls deep into grief. But with the help of friends and family he finds the strength to confront what happened and fight the forces that took his brother's life.

Umbertouched (Rosemarked #2) by Livia Blackburne - As Shidadi and Dara alike prepare for war, Zivah and Dineas grapple with the toll of their time in the capital. Time is running out for all of them, but especially Zivah whose plague symptoms surface once again. Now, she must decide how she’ll define the life she has left.

Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson - When Fairmount Academy is rocked by three apparent suicides in the span of a week, it is up to Mexican-American Wiccan Mila Flores to conjure up the truth.

Unbroken: 13 Stories Starring Disabled Teens edited by Marieke Nijkamp - A YA Anthology of short stories featuring disabled teens, written by #OwnVoices disabled authors. 

A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi - It’s 2002, a year after 9/11. It’s an extremely turbulent time politically, but especially so for someone like Shirin, a 16-year-old Muslim girl who’s tired of being stereotyped. But then she meets Ocean James. He’s the first person in forever who really seems to want to get to know Shirin. It terrifies her—they seem to come from two irreconcilable worlds—and Shirin has had her guard up for so long that she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to let it down.

The Way You Make Me Feel by Maurene Goo - Korean-American Clara Shin lives for pranks and disruption. When she takes one joke too far, her dad sentences her to a summer working on his food truck, alongside her uptight classmate Rose Carver. But maybe Rose isn't so bad. Maybe the boy named Hamlet Wong crushing on her is pretty cute. Still, what if taking this summer seriously means that Clara has to leave her old self behind? 

Welcome Home edited by Eric Smith - A collection of adoption-themed fictional short stories, and brings them together in one anthology from a diverse range of celebrated YA authors. 

What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera - Ben and Arthur meet cute but lose touch, then have a series of near misses and first date re-dos before finally settling into a relationship. But Arthur's impending departure for the summer and both guys' own insecurities threaten to end something new that's only just begun.

Wildcard (Warcross #2) by Marie Lu - Emika Chen barely made it out of the Warcross Championships alive. Determined to put a stop to Hideo's grim plans, Emika and the Phoenix Riders band together, but her sole chance for survival lies with Zero and the Blackcoats, his ruthless crew. Caught in a web of betrayal, with the future of free will at risk, just how far will Emika go to take down Hideo? 

Wrong in All the Right Ways by Tiffany Brownlee - Everything in Emma's life has always gone according to her very careful plans. But things take a turn toward the unexpected when she falls in love for the first time with the one person in the world who’s off-limits–her new foster brother, the gorgeous and tormented Dylan McAndrews. 

[writersarea]

3, 2 and 5???

iii2: What character is the best narrator? 

(Gonna pull out a book that I’ve never actually seen anywhere except for when I read it)

Okay, so I just read Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller and I fucking loved Alosa? She had a really relatable narrating voice that I just enjoyed. Her thought process was great and really well written. Loved /every/ second of it. Gotta go find the sequel and hope it lives up to the first.

iii5: What character you could analyze indefinitely?

A lot more well known: Crowley from Good Omens. He’s such an interesting character, and you could talk just about the fact that he fell all day. How? Why? Which question? Tell me. He’s so soft, but he’s got such a crunchy exterior. (He sounds like candy, but oh well)

I could talk about him endlessly right now.

A+ Terry Pratchett and @neil-gaiman. You two did amazing.

[its-kaylat]

Blog Post #4: Representing Compton

Prompt: How is “representing” related to the construction of one’s subjective identity in hip hop?

While reading the article “Representing,” I stumbled across a quote that I believe is substantial when digging through and understanding West Coast hip hop; Tricia Rose stated that “during the late 1980s Los Angeles rappers from Compton and Watts, two areas severely paralyzed by the postindustrial economic redistribution, developed a West coast style of rap that narrates experiences and fantasies specific to life as a poor young, black, male subject in Los Angeles.” Two Compton-based artists that are a great example of this are N.W.A and Kendrick Lamar. With their music, they are able to vividly describe what life was like for them to grow up in this type of environment. While representing their hometown of Compton, they ultimately establish their own identity in hip hop. 

Through their music, N.W.A. was able to articulate what life was like for them growing up during a time, and place, where violence, drugs, police brutality and racism was prevalent. Through their songs, like “Fuck Tha Police,” they were able to be a voice for the people and stand up for what they believed in. They were also able to speak about their personal experiences and what they saw on a day-to-day basis. For them, in order to really get their message across, they felt that they needed to present their message in a way that was very aggressive and confrontational; their songs, especially “Fuck Tha Police,” are very in-your-face. With that, of course their listeners became very hyped and emotional. This style of rap, Gangsta Rap, would basically define them as artists and people; they would later become known as “The World’s Most Dangerous Group.”

On the total opposite side of things, you have an artist like Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick’s music is all about sticking to your roots—remembering who you are and where you come from. He is also an artist who is not afraid to voice his opinions; he’s an artist that is very political and will stand up for what he believes in, despite the backlash that he may receive later on. He is a strong voice for the people. Like N.W.A., Kendrick grew up in Compton and experienced similar issues. However, he continuously makes the decision to create music that is a little more low-key and not so in-your-face. A great example of this is his song “Alright.” In this song, he is basically talking about the same issues that N.W.A. talked about in “Fuck Tha Police.” Though they are speaking about similar issues, Kendrick is definitely more comforting and hopeful. In this song, he is saying that, despite how bad everything is right now, in the end, we gon’ be alright—this chorus was chanted multiple times on different locations; it was chanted in a 2015 Black Lives Matter assembly. It’s songs like these that add to his greatness—he’s the voice for our generation. It’s songs like these that make him one of the greatest hip hop artists of all time. 

In all, “representing” plays an important role in creating one’s identity in hip hop. Majority of the time, it’ll determine what you choose to speak about through your music. The only thing, besides “representing,” that will determine your identity would be the manner in which you choose to portray it. You can be as aggressive as N.W.A. or as hopeful as Kendrick Lamar. 

[seenashwrite]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, So You Don’t Have To (2018)

(a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold)

ETA Jan 2019: This adventure is now moving to @seenashblog, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for awhile yet #bless my heart

Last Addendum, I Swear

But I caught one this morning called “Home For Christmas Day” that sailed into a 5/5 with little effort. Here’s a mash-up of two “official” summaries I found, and that’s all I am giving you:

An Army widow worries about her teenage daughter when she meets a soldier from the town's military base & starts to spend time with him during the two weeks before he ships out. The mother wants to spare her daughter the pain of losing someone she loves in action, so she tries to get her daughter to break it off with the soldier before she becomes attached.  Little do they know they are about to learn important lessons of the heart and that taking chances can make this Christmas one they will cherish forever.

All 4 leads (mom, diner owner, daughter, soldier) are good actors (the daughter really impressed me), and they help overcome some dialogue that could’ve been less formulaic. A highlight is that Kristin Chenoweth’s “Home On Christmas Day”, a *phenomenal* song and one that has permanent residence on my holiday playlist, is featured and sung by a character who - wait for it - can actually sing and it was pleasant to hear, they kept it simple, and it’s the better for it. The movie could’ve gone Velveeta and shmoop and severe angst fast, but it didn’t. You’ll be torn on the ending, some of you wishing they’d gone the other direction. You’ll be sweetly tearful either way.

.

So, the new official rec list for the ones that are worth your time?

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(5 of 5) Home For Christmas Day (Catherine Bell, Victor Webster - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

.

And don’t forget: never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Past entries below

Special (Royal) Addendum!

In a shocking turn of events, I’m about to recommend a [gulp] prince-and-princess-based plot Hallmark movie. I’m out-of-pocket a lot this week, but spotted this one randomly and needed to tell you about it, in case you had a chance to catch it. Because surprise, surprise - from some pretty impressive music for a TV movie, to some solid acting (even from the precocious children!), to a decent script, the most off-putting thing is the title. Possibly the best thing? It’s from 2011 but you may recognize the leading man:

So as a reminder, here’s my overall recommendation list for Christmas movies that are actually worth your time...

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

...and the newest addition is the one in question, I’ll give you the scoop.

Google tells me that this was marketed in the UK as “A Christmas Princess”, but I don’t find that any better - I hate movies that blow their wad in the title. Let us not forget the Hallmark rule (and I am certain by this point it IS a rule) that “Christmas” must be in the title. So why not just “Christmas at _ Manor”? That implies aristocracy of some sort, it’s just.... blaaaargh, this channel. Wait hey, look what google told me!

* I swear on my stories that I did NOT see that before I wrote this draft *

Interestingly the version that’s on You Tube is called the latter, so... ya got me. But legit, I am shocked that when you click the “info” on the TV, it says it’s only got 2 stars. It’s higher on IMdB. Probs high ratings, too. I’m not looking it up.

Right. So. Heughan is a *phenomenal* actor, there’s nothing more to say there, and McGrath is high above average for not just typical Hallmark fare, but TV in general. I knew I recognized her, and turns out she was in the short-lived TV series Dracula about 4 years ago (of which I watched the pilot and peaced out), and google tells me she plays Lena Luthor on Supergirl presently (which I don’t watch), but where my lightbulb went off was that she’s the chick who inexplicably got yanked away by a pterodactyl and eaten by the water dino in Jurassic World. She is a gorgeous woman whose hair is made to look atrocious and it’s Hallmark tradition, so nobody’s surprised. One thing is that you’re going to find that on occasion (and it’s few-and-far between) she over-enunciates some words and will rush random parts of sentences, and google tells me she’s Irish, so I get it. A word will sneak in once in a blue moon, but it’s not grating, not in the least, but it’s there. Anyway.

Roger Moore is solid, of course, and points to him for not slipping into Bond mode, and also for not playing it too gruff. The teen boy is a great actor as well - he can pull an angst face and verbalize frustration without it going petulant teen, which is so refreshing I cannot even. And the little girl has a slight Shirley Temple thing going on, holds her own with the adults. Thankfully the servants are all charming and several funny and endearing moments happen because of and with/about/surrounding them. (The narrator is the head butler, too - and fear not, it only happens at the top and at the finale, and are lovely bookends.)

Okay, the story: it kicks off with narration, and it is very well done and cheeky - “Once upon a time in a land called Buffalo there lived a girl names Jules...”  Jules --- ::sigh:: just call her Julie, ffs --- has gotten custody of her niece and nephew (about 6 and 14, respectively) after their parents (the Mom being Jules’ sister) died earlier that year. We find her in the midst of a shitstorm because she got fired from her job (and it’s a *very* cool job), the older kid shoplifted a game, and the girl drove away their babysitter with some pranks - she’s also apparently addicted to Doritos. Clearly they’re just processing, and high props to all involved for not taking it over the top. They’re just the right amount of troubled to where it’s not eyeroll-worthy on either the bratty end or the angsty end. She looks to be about 12 years older than the boy, so that’s another reason he’s probably not so with this arrangement, but she’s not harsh with him, she actually treats him like a person and tells him why his behavior is out-of-line and punishes appropriately, reminds him he’s not the only one who lost them, doesn’t go all authoritarian on him, another pleasant change in typical fare.

We find out that their dad was the son of a Duke of some wherever over in Jolly Ol’ - and THANK YOU SCREENWRITERS for keeping it simple and not making up some ridiculously-named kingdom tucked somewhere on the planet - but he gave up the title to marry a “commoner” and moved to America. Still, they get invited to the manor (”castle”? Didn’t look castle to me, but all right) and the brother of the Dad is Heughan’s character, Ashton, with whom Jules has some chemistry, yo. They get us there fast, about 12 minutes, and again against Hallmark type, those 12 weren’t crammed to the gills with backstory and prep work, because that stuff’s gonna unfold, we’ve got an hour twenty, we’re fine.

Heughan happens to technically be a prince (the faux land this must be for isn’t mentioned, again, bless you screenwriter) and it is easily explained without unneeded detail by saying “It’s through my mother’s side”. So I don’t know if that means the kids are lil’ princes and princesses because was Dad technically a prince? Or was he a half-brother? My point is, the Prince-Princess thing was unneeded - “A Duchess For Christmas” would’ve been fine, Hallmark. I promise. And maybe that’s what the writer intended, seeing as how his working script title had nothing about Princess in it. So it was a weird “Huh?” thing that happens a decent ways into the story, so it’s like....???? 

The rest of the movie goes how you think, but it’s got some genuinely charming moments, and it’s *entertaining*. See, Hallmark? You can take a basic storyline and not fill it with teenage-level angst, then dip it marzipan and roll it in sprinkles. Keep. It. Simple. Let the actors do their jobs. The hijinks aren’t over-the-top, the kids act and speak like actual kids - there’s actually a few lines out of Jules that I side-eyed more. Some of the music was too cutesy-quirky for my taste, but overall, like I said above, Night. And. Day. from the majority.  

The dress they put her in for the ball at the end is absolutely appropriate, it is lovely and isn’t overdone (hair, minus the clip in it, looks awful, of course) and - realistically! - it’s different from the other ladies’ without being drastically so. And also realistically, the crowd isn’t gawking because she’s now the best thing in the room, they’re gawking because a commoner is amongst them. 

Here’s why this gets a 4/5, and none of these are deal-breakers, but there’s just too many to justify a 5/5:

There is a dance scene that is embarrassing for everyone. But! I’ll be honest - their laughing looked real, I bet behind-the-scenes they’d gotten tickled at something, and Heughan throws all fucks out the window at one point, and bless him, because he saved it - the both of them had enough rhythm that it wasn’t altogether hide-your-eyes worthy; the better choice would’ve been to do the waltz he was teaching her to a more modern song, different tempo than the classic (I’m going blank on it, I feel like it’s the Blue Danube, but that’s irrelevant, anyway you’ll recognize it), throw in some relaxed improv steps. Snaps also to Heughan for faking playing violin well - and snaps to the director for some clever close ups that never quiiiiite give you a look at his (again, props - moving) fingers.

Second thing - the not-quite-climax set-up. I’ve not spoiled the others on the rec list, so I won’t spoil this one, either, but at about a half-hour til the end, the script goes with a trope and I just rolled my eyes. Granted, it didn’t go melodramatic and they saved it with a touch of a twist, and it is genuinely sweet. Still. Didn’t have to go the full distance, could’ve been taken care of while she was prepping to do what she did. I know that’s cryptic, you’ll get what I mean when you watch.

Third thing - the side-plot of the whoever-she-is Duchess or Lady something that expects Heughan’s character to marry her is WAAAAAAAY too much. And it’s the actress, it’s not the lines. Her choices of delivery are just bush league, even I know better and the only thing I’ve ever acted in is a third grade play. I was a Lucy VanPelt-type character (quelle surprise) and I kicked ass.

Other things: that whole “Huh? Prince, what?” stuff, and I could’ve done with a touch less shmoop ending, but the narration saved it.

Okay! There you go! A good princess movie! The rest are garbage. 

And never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Love, Nash.

#11

This is it, folks, last entry. And by "folks" I mean the maybe three who are reading these, and thanks, hope you've enjoyed. But the ratio of work-to-response isn't motivating enough to continue, plus the season's about over,  and besides, this has covered in the ballpark of 20-ish movies. I think. I can't be bothered to count.  So here's the last speed run, I'll cover some more than others, and I'll also note one final time my Yes You Should Watch These 4-and-5 Star Rec List with any updates at the end, as well.  

You'll still get a post all its own (with screencaps to paint the full picture and an official, free link of where to watch) on the fanfic-y-est ickiest of all Christmas movies ever. It is too precious for words. I can't not write about it. And on top of that, I wrote an actual fic based on the same premise, because per usual  I have seen a travesty that had potential, worked it over, then said:

#humbly

And without further adieu: here's your speed round of the ones to avoid at all cost (the 1 and 2 stars) and a handful that were all right, I thought, but when it comes down to it are a matter of taste and you may love them (the 3 stars).  Oh, and spoilers in several places, because it's not going to matter because on tons of these you'll either (a) guess it yourself or (b) shouldn't waste your time.

I’m saving you, here.

Christmas in Angel Falls (Rachel Boston [a-gaaaaaaaain] - Hallmark)

"Guardian angel Gabby Messenger is sent to the town of Angel Falls to restore its Christmas spirit."

::sighs::

No. 

As predicted, it was pure schmaltz (my note actually says "suicide by schmaltz") and the usually charming Boston was annoying as hell.

1/5 stars . A Royal New Year's Eve (Jessy Schram - Hallmark)

This one was so grating. There's a prince, she's a fashion designer, it has a bit of a Cinderella undertone (if you watch it you'll see what I mean, there's some boss as pseudo-stepmother and friend as fairy godmother and dressmaking and hidden identity action sprinkled in) and know right now that the prince's accent is inexcusable, it is ear-burning. I looked the guy up because I had to know his nationality, to make sure that I wasn't off the beam and that this was just some weird subset of fill-in-the-bank accent to which I was unfamiliar, but nah, he's from goddamn Milwaukee. That a dialect coach or the director or SOMEBODY didn't speak up is embarrassing, I hope he realizes now and doesn't have this on his reel.  And as always, Jessy Schram is dialed to 11 on her typical coked-up mouse with flippy hair routine.

1/5 stars . Four Christmases and a Wedding (Nobody you'll know - Lifetime)

What? Huh? So the premise is he just keeps leaving for work and showing up again at the town Christmas festival with the shitty prom that happens afterward that they call a "ball" and I assure you it is not. They also kinda blew their wad in the title. Also-also, she's Perfect McBody but has had attached to her the trope of I LOVE FOOD GIVE ME ALL THE EATS which personally makes me sick.

1/5 stars . Christmas Everlasting (Tatyana Ali, Dennis Haysbert - Hallmark)

I mentioned this one in passing in an early entry, it's based on a book, so... not "original" totally. Here's why this one doesn't get onto the rec list - it's predictable. It's well-acted, but the story was weak, and I saw the "twist" coming a mile away, and granted - as stated prior somewhere in past entry - I happen to be bizarrely good at that, but I feel like you'd see it, too. Again, this could be the "fault" of the book, I don't know, I've never read it (it's called "The Other Sister", btw), I just judge the movie. Anyhow, it's the same ol' same ol' of big city gal comes home, dead family member (aforementioned sister - you know this immediately though, not a spoiler ), but rekindled lurve, and hey, she's gonna stay for good this time! Bonus appearance of Patti LaBelle, though, which is a bright spot. 

The thing that worked my nerves the most was that they inexplicably got actors to play the main folks in flashbacks to 10 years ago who look *nothing* like Ali and the lead male (whose name I unfortunately didn't note, but he was familiar to me), and I'm not just talking hair, that and clothes are what they're supposed to do for changes in time period, I'm talking distinct facial structure and skin tone and height. It was, on god, the most bizarre "young actor analog" (for lack of knowing another way of putting it) that I have ever seen on film in my life, I'm not exaggerating. The genuine, heartfelt acting of Ali and co. is what gets this bumped to a 3 vs. a 2, because I didn't think it was a *complete* waste of time, despite the meh story.

3/5 stars . Santa's Boots (Megan Hilty - Lifetime)

These are my notes verbatim:

--> family department store --> hot flannel Santa --> tree farm --> exec who comes home to save the family business and she's gonna stay 4eva! --> wtf do the boots have to do with anything, I don't.... --> 2/5 stars - 1 b/c hot flannel Santa - should be 1 star . A Christmas Arrangement (it doesn't matter - Hallmark)

Flower shop, check. "Arrangement", get it? ::sigh:: You'll just *love* the first ten minutes, where the lead says "no" and rebuffs and in general tries to get away from this dude about a zillion times. Byeeeeee! Nash will be out after the first 15 mins (I give these 15 mins before bailing), guaranteed. [time passes] I was right.  Angel Anna (a.k.a. the real Anael, thankyouverymuch) co-stars, and she's a better actress than the lead, who is absolutely grating in every way. Oh, and the font on the flower shop delivery van is Comic Sans. 

1/5 stars . Every Christmas Has A Story (Lori Laughlin, Colin Ferguson, and Willie Aames who, it should be noted, has not aged poorly nor has he had obvious plastic surgery yet at the same time looks nothing like himself so figure that one out - Hallmark)

This should've been called Christmas In Hollyvale (I *think* that was the town), but whatever, she's a reporter and he's her producer, so "story". Get it? GET IT?! Lori Laughlin does not age, and Colin Ferguson can pull a face and inject snark on Jensen-levels, and they have great chemistry, both are funny, and are great actors, then there's Doug ("The Crew") who is a delight. The hotel attendant is a bit annoying. The "mystery" she solves is meh. And though the overall premise is fine, the pacing is sloggy, but it's not necessarily a complete waste of your time because your two leads are such great actors.

3/5 stars . Now, here's one that's terrifically bad that I actually suggest you *might* want to watch because while it's not the jaw-dropping holy shit this is stupid ride that will be the final entry, this one's pretty fucking fan-fic-y and should give you some snickers:

A Cinderella Christmas (the chick from Once Upon A Time In Wonderland with lips that look so fake I hope they’re not real because otherwise bless her heart, Mindy Cohn, and doesn't matter - ION)

There is a get-together they have chosen to call a Chrismasquerade, and technically I don't think I have to say any more. But I will. Fuck, this is amazeballs stupid. Only redeeming thing? The always-delightful Mindy Cohn is in the fairy godmother role, I love her, and she has pinky-purple hair, and I always have/always will adore her sweet face and crinkled eyes smile.

Otherwise....

--> is shite music a pre-requisite for these movies?

--> our lead has *very* distinctive lips and her hair/eyes/lips combo look *nothing* like her cousin (the stepsister sub) even behind the half-face mask, so props to the casting department for whiffing the shit out of that

--> the dude is an incredible, unlikable asshat

--> "A Snow White Christmas" is premiering after this, and it's Sunday, and I'm going to host CASPN instead, but Imma go out on a limb and say it ain't worth your time, either

1/5 stars .

Get ready: shockingly for me, I'm about to give you a pair of 3-star trope-premised movies. I know, I know, unlike me. But these actually pulled it off. The trope?

*takes deep breath*

Pretend to by my boyfriend/girlfriend for my family . (1) A Holiday Engagement (Bonnie Summerville ???, and Jordan Bridges)

It's what you think, but not for terribly flaky reasons - she *was* engaged but the dick broke up with her at Thanksgiving. And in a pleasant change of pace, she doesn't get a friend-who-will-turn-to-more to play the part, she hires an actor. Smart girl. Bridges is another one of those random actors you see off-and-on who elevates everything he is in, and the chick is great, and the family is well cast, and the waiter at the restaurant made me laugh out loud. The whole thing is snappy in pace (lil' bit of filler, but that's par for the course with these movies) and has some snappy dialogue in places, and overall it's not a waste of time, not too shmoopy.

3/5 stars . (2) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

Inventive concept here, though they kinda shit the bed with naming their business something affiliated with Christmas if it's clearly a year-round affair, but okay. What it is: a dating app that's not a dating app, it's purely for folks who need a +1 to specifically business/work social events, but also more formal family and friend events (so, say, Christmas party where it's not just family, or friend party that's not just show up in your jeans and sweaters - the cocktail stuff, is my point). The thing is, no one is pretending to be the boyfriend or girlfriend, it's supposed to be like "And this is Susie/Steve, an associate of mine from ____ business". Nothing romantic, no false pretenses, no lying to others (well... not supposed to wink-wink).

The chick - who runs the biz/came up with it/helped develop it - is needing to take on investors, and one of them is like "Sold! But can I get some firsthand testimonial? Have you yourself tested your product?" and since she's got shit coming up on her agenda, she does. Plus, her mom's on her ass about working so much and not dating since a bad breakup years ago, and it's compounded because baby sister just got engaged. (Mom is bionic woman Lindsay Wagner. She's not really bionic. Google it, youths.)

Dude is in a situation where he's not advancing at work because scuzzy kiss ass co-worker is shmoozing with boss during off hours because boss doesn't invite the single people to brunch or whatever with him and his wife, he's only inviting the ones who he knows has a partner to bring. I know to some of you this may sound absolutely ridiculous but, um, I've experienced this many times. This is not out of the realm. Not even a little bit. I had a gay boss who understood how this happens (likely because he experienced it) and he was wonderful about including everybody. Otherwise, yeah, I been there. I've digressed.

The leads have good chemistry, there was great snark and back-and-forth when they met each other a couple times prior to the set-up ('cause you guessed it: the app paired them with a high %age of compatibility - his sister suggested he do it after he heard about it on the news and he told her of his situation) and they click really well. There's touches of shmoop, of course, but this was an above-average story amongst the typical Christmas dreck, so it makes the rec list at 4/5 stars. 

Your rec list is now:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

That's all, kiddos! See you next time for the worst of the worst, complete with screencaps. You will *not* be disappointed.

#10

Okay, if I'm gonna get to the fanfic-y-est of all the Christmas movies - and it will easily take up an entire post -  we gotta tear through a bunch because the season's almost over and you're not gonna have time to avoid/find these, depending. So we'll hit a high point first (because I've added to the 4-to-5 stars you-should-actually-watch-these rec list), and tear through a bag of mixed nuts, including the third David Haydn-Jones... treat... nah, this third one is the best (?) so far... though, um, that ain't saying much. Woof. Yeesh.

As a reminder - 3/5 means they aren't exactly a waste of time, 2/5 are debatable/up to personal taste,  and of course 1/5 means I will never get that time back and I'm that much closer to death because of the movie and what it drained from my soul.

Let's kick off with one that may be my favorite, and got a 5/5 score, update the ol' You Should Definitely Watch This rec list...

.

Love At The Christmas Table 

(Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson, the guy who played Luke on Gilmore Girls, several character actors you'll recognize, and the lead dude is familiar too though his name doesn't ring bells - Lifetime)

Look, from what I can recall, ol' Danica was fine in "Wonder Years", but as I mentioned in a past post, something has happened over the years and girl can't act. It's distractingly bad, because she's typically paired with heavy-hitters (even if they aren't well known). So I'm not sure if it's that she and the lead male really clicked or she really clicked with the director, but it was night and day. This movie is also from 2012, so maybe it's just been tough going acting-wise since then. In any event, don't let any other of my other reviews of her dissuade.

But the script and the direction are both *fantastic*, and I suspect it's partly because the concept was kept nice and basic: A man realizes that his best friend since childhood is the one. Boom. Lots of room to get some good character development and plot progression, and they did, since it's not bogged down with a bunch of extraneous stuff.

There is so much delight packed into the first half hour, you will be grinning. The execution of it is nicely done, too - as we go through the years, each Christmas is prefaced by "Age ___" to let you know how much time has passed, and they look subtly different in appearance and attitude each time. The parents are phenomenal, you're going to enjoy each one of them. The interactions between all parties feel real. And more on feels, this almost feels like a play - it takes place in a house for like, 90% of the movie. But every set is very cozy and crowded with things and/or people (in a good way), and nothing seems like it was perfectly placed, it's how these locations would actually realistically look.

The worst thing I can say about this movie is that I really wish the two leads were other people. They had fantastic friend chemistry, but I tell ya, not a ton of spark when it started bending romantic. And there are plenty of actors who look younger than their age, and maybe that's what this needed, more mature actors who could realistically be shown as teens with some sweet hair/make-up magic. Or, again, could be Danica. I don't know. But she comes across *legions* more relaxed in front of the camera here than in others I've seen her in, so that little bump in road aside (and truly, it's not intolerable - it's noticeable, that possibly poor casting of them, but it's not going to pull you out of the story).

You're going to love the last fifteen minutes, what she does for her dad, how he's walking and talking with his parents when she sees what----- I can't say it. I *genuinely* do not want to spoil this for you. And then the very-very ending is *chef's kiss*.

I want you to watch this movie, especially you who are fans of friends-to-more. Because, I mean, there's a STORY, thank you lord. It's not regurgitated same-ol', same-ol'. This is a really great character-driven piece, and honestly? I wish it had gotten optioned to be on the big screen. I think it could've really been included with other heart-grabbing, fan-favorite romantic Christmas movies.

5/5 stars

The (now newly) updated rec list of well-worth-your-timers:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) (5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

.

Christmas At The Palace (Not a person you'll have ever seen or heard of, ever - Hallmark)

I've regrettably watched "Christmas At The Palace" once through completely, and three times caught blocks of it because I basically leave these channels on all day, then when I pass by the remote, I'll flip through the main four giving us "originals" (Hallmark, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, Lifetime, and the JV team over on ION), and that's that. This one has clearly been on *constantly*. And it sucks. Not one person - I'm not exaggerating - not *one* *person* in this movie can act. If you've ever imagined yourself in a movie or TV show and thought it impossible? Please let this movie give you hope. You can do it. Someone hired these people, they'll hire you.

Gives me hope writing wise, as well. What a septic tank of a script. Check it: once again we find ourselves in a royal circumstance where the prince is widowed or needs to get married because of blah-blah-law-queen -and-king -insist, who cares. This time though, he gets his Christmas boner --- I MEAN --- spirit via a former almost not quite professional ice skater. Seriously, they make a point to say she didn't make the Olympic team and isn't on the pro circuit, she choreographs for this travelling show thing. I mean characters with flaws, sure, but they shit on her in the first fifteen minutes. The whole movie in its entirety is embarrassing to watch. There is minor redemption in the (standard) best friends (one for each of the leads). They are.... tolerable. That's it, I almost said "okay", but I can't because they're so grating in most of their scenes.

And the two main gals? The lead and the best friend? Won't. Quit. Fucking. Smiling. I'm not exaggerating this - they are smiling easily 90% of the time. It is incredibly irritating. And there is zeeeeeeero chemistry between the prince and the ice skater.

Skip it. I can find something that's garbage enjoyable  in a So Bad It's Entertaining way, but this one is absolute stank garbage, and they are pimping it like it's the second coming.

1/5 stars

. Christmas In Tennessee (Rachel Boston [again], Andrew Walker, some kid with really jacked teeth, Caroline Rhea, and Patricia Richardson - Lifetime)

Aw, shit. Here we go. After the Graceland one with Kellie Pickler (which you'll not see me report on here because I couldn't sit still long enough to watch it because she can sing, but she sure as shit can't act) my hopes are not high, though they *were* renewed to a great degree with "Every Other Christmas", which if you'll recall is on my rec list for you.

Bakery. Christmas pageant. Real-estate suits coming after the teensy town to build a ski resort. One of them is cute man. She is cute baker. She is also a single mom. And there's a mysterious sweet woman "Mrs. C" who *loves* the cookies - and so did her husband "Kris" [wink-wink]

:: sighs ::

At least nobody's trying and failing to fake a Southern accent, god and small favors and all that.

Listen, all I want is for there to be some originality. That's it. I'm not looking for perfection, I mean, that's subjective, after all. (Well.) Just fucking... I mean, look: don't make her a single mom, to start. Don't make her a baker, second.  Keep your ski lodge in small town thing, fine, that's the conflict between them. But hey, what if she's the mayor? Have a Leslie Knope, politics-oriented, civil-service type as the lead character. Somebody who can go toe-to-toe and not have to sugar-sweet-charm her way around shit.

In any event, good acting from the leads, Caroline Rhea and Patricia Richardson are always good in everything, and there's some nice snappy dialogue. It's not too terribly saccharine. Fuck, fine, I'll stick it on the not a waste of time list it unless something goes way haywire. [time passes] Okay. I has a lil' smile on my face. It actually didn't typical too-too hard. The lead actors were great, everything seemed easy and casual between them. Too bad the plot was weak. Still though, didn't leave me feeling it was a total waste of time.

3/5 stars .

~ Let's do an Alicia Witt Trifecta! ~

. Christmas at Cartwright's (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

"Nicky is a single mother, unemployed and broke at Christmas and desperate to find a job in order to make her young daughter's holiday a happy one. With the aid of an angel, she gets a job as a department store Santa." - It is pure cheese. Alicia Witt should stick with drama, hundred percent, it is astounding how pedestrian her acting skills become when she has to get sweet/touching/emotional in the absence of any heart-grabbing stakes (think Lily Sunder). So anyhow, this is some piss-poor amalgam of Miracle on 34th and It's A Wonderful Life, but I'm giving an extra star because kudos for making the chick the Santa. 

2/5 stars . Christmas on Honeysuckle Lane (Alicia Witt, Colin Ferguson, Laura Leighton - Hallmark)

This almost got off the naughty list purely because Colin Ferguson is a fucking delight in everything he's in, he's one of those "elevators" as I call them - Mark Sheppard is another good example - because they elevate anything they're in, however shlocky, and if it's actually good, they help make it even better. This, according to my notes, is "exposition dumps coated in cheese", and it's that ol' chestnut of the saving the family home and oh noes dead parents and big city gal back in town and wow she's gonna stay! You've seen many iterations of this movie, don't bother. The house is fabulous, though, I'd live in it in a hot second. 

2/5 stars (and that 2nd star is only for Ferguson - as stated before, Witt should stick to drama vs. awwww stuff)

. A Very Merry Mix-Up (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

Once again, please welcome Alicia, this time en route to meet her future in-laws as a surprise to announce the engagement (well, and that he's been dating someone at all - he's a work-a-holic who never gets home much - matter of fact, he's stuck finishing up a deal and has to meet her there vs. ride together) and "through a serendipitous series of events" has to ride along with a dude who turns out to be her future bro-in-law, who proceeds to wreck her phone with a drink, and then wreck the car because he's distracted. The MD at the hospital tells them not to sleep for the next 24 hours and that they need constant monitoring.

(Couple things while I have you: The former is an old wives' tale, and as for the latter, if they need constant monitoring, they wouldn't be discharged, they'd be admitted for, you know, monitoring. Jeez this part was so stupid. It was so they could slumber party and bond. Because there was no other way to accomplish bonding than via stupid car wreck and representing med professionals as stupid. ::sighs::)

You know, this would be a great movie if the plot was that she was a con artist. It's not. But wouldn't that be great? And the romance comes in when she has a change of heart because shmoop-shmoop-shmoop first family Christmas she's ever experienced? WHY AM I NOT A SCREENWRITER HOW DO I SUBMIT THINGS TO PEOPLE

Anyway, we find out fiance is scum, and later we see that his family is stiff and cold and miserable and a bit *too* much of a contrast to the other family. There's a cookie baking scene, check. The leads have pretty good chemistry, though. But oh, quelle horror! Name mix-up! Wrong family! Oh noes! Anyway there's a thing with a story about grandparents and a clock that's legit creative and sweet... but at the very end, I don't get why t.f. he didn't put the ring they found on her finger.  This movie isn't a complete waste of time, there's just some choices in there that they whiffed that could've made it something special.  

3/5 stars

. Hey! Let's do another like that - but oh boy does this one take a turn.

Dashing Through The Snow (Meghan Ory, Andrew Walker)

You'll recognize Walker from the Tennessee movie with Rachel Boston, he's the one with the cheekbones you could cut diamonds on (no seriously, it's just skin on skull, it's mesmerizing) and you know Ory from lots of other stuff. Be warned: she is annoying as all-get-out in this movie, and it's tolerable, but it spikes every now and again into the I Want To Shake You territory.

This one is bugfuck bananas, and I am here for it.

So it's a eye-roll premise, she gets stuck when her flight reservation gets screwed and then there's no rentals so she and this guy who are going in the same direction agree to share a rental. 

Here's the thing: she's gonna work your nerves, I'll tell you up front. She's this whimsical perky but anal retentive ball of AAAAHHHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!!! that made me quit watching this movie the first time. I went back to it when it re-ran for one reason, and one reason only, and it is this:

After she makes a fuss at the counter to the attendant at the airport about her reservation being fucked up, when attendant is on the phone, she sneaks through to get to the other side (because, y'know - this is the Get On Plane side, over yonder is the Get Off Plane Side where it's easier to get to rental car vs. walking across the airport), and we learn that attendant wouldn't let her board and lied about the whatever was wrong and is on phone because homeland security or feds or whatever are there because some chick with her same name is an international criminal.

Phew! Out of breath.

Now, you have to overlook the fact of why would an international criminal who knows how to evade authorities all the sudden (a) use her real name and (b) make a fuss/a scene and (c) get herself caught all over cameras so that the authorities now know what she looks like for the first time in years. I'm warning you now. I know. I *know*. It's a piss-poor way of going about this, even though it does get explained in, like, the last 40 minutes and with a "Really?" sort of reasoning. But, interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. There’s also a wonderfully cute puppy who lights up the screen, totes steals the show.

So, there's a "twist" that I didn't find to be twisty, I called it the moment ___ interact early on, but that's okay, I can let that go, I guess the endings of easily 95% of movies I watch (blessing/curse). But - AGAIN! - interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. Only reason it didn't make a 3 is how annoying Ory's character is, and how stupidly they portray the FBI, with not listening to their top agent when he says "We're wrong - she had her identity stolen - call off the op." It’s not a “1″ but it may be a “3″ for you, you’ll have to make the call. But for me.... 

2/5 stars

. Hope at Christmas (The lead chick is familiar, her name is Scottie Thompson - Hallmark)

Single mom! Precocious daughter! Returns home to deal with dead grammy's house! Meet cute in bookstore! Mom not terribly into Christmas because kid will be with her dad! She slowly gets back into it! Plans on going back to big city! Ends up staying! Because lurve!

None of the acting was bad (I mean, the little girl is annoying after awhile), but as noted, the story is the same as most others. You make the call, folks. And you'll be able to, I've caught it airing after my initial viewing no less than four or five times, no joke.

2/5 stars . The Sweetest Christmas (Lacy Chabert - Hallmark)

This is about a gingerbread contest. It is boring as fuck. Skip anything involving Lacey Chabert, trust me, this is the only one I managed to make it all the way through, and believe me when I say it was touch-and-go, I had to make myself in order to give her a fair shake. I've never thought she could act, though, to me her voice is less delicate and more whiny, and besides, she's Poor Man's Jennifer Love Hewitt #sorry not sorry  

1/5 stars . Just In Time For Christmas (Doesn't matter, though William Shatner does show up driving a horse-drawn carriage - Lifetime)

Meet Lindsay, a young - too young to be up for tenure, bee-tee-dubs - psychology professor has to choose between a book deal and tenure track at a prestigious university versus accepting the marriage proposal from her longtime, totally adores, really loves him (they are VERY pointed about establishing this) boyfriend. But hey, screenwriters, got a thought, and hear me out: why not both? But I get it, since this movie is from 1975, oh shit sorry, 2015. Yeah, no. Pass.

1/5 stars

. And finally, DHJ.  This is gonna be short and sweet, because on the whole, it blew. But I'll tell you when/where you can watch the fourth, since I won't be covering it and it's gonna come on at an ungodly hour and I likely won't watch it. It sounds like ass.

A Bramble House Christmas (David Haydn-Jones, Autumn Reeser - Hallmark)

The premise is he's a children's book illustrator who comes to this little town under the guise of getting inspo for his next book, but really he's supposed to be confronting the nurse's aid to whom his now-deceased (and estranged) father left a shitton of cash, giving her an injunction (to the will) on behalf of himself and his sister.

But then, lurve. :::sigh:::

Understand up front that this is an hour's worth of "movie" that was stretched into 2 hours, man oh MAN did it drag. And there's all the typical: ice skating where one person sucks; cookie baking; tree decorating (with garish, not subtly-done product placement); also tree in the town square that is visited and "oooh"-ed upon; and precocious child with some oh-noes-sick-kid frosting on top. It is dreck. The premise, sure, okay, that's decently original, but the rest of the story is basic bitch in a bow.

At fifteen til quittin' time, it got straight dumb. She rushes off after she finds out the truth - on Christmas Farging Eve - packing up her and the kid and saying they're off to the airport. How? What? You got no ticket, bitch, where the fuck do you think you're going? Ugh. Idiotic.

One thing, though: if you can get to this in a manner that you can skip to about the 45 minute mark, do it. There is a *moment*. The way DHJ can pull an old Hollywood leading man *look* that says "My dear, I want to kiss you, and well" is a sight to behold.

2/5 stars (one of which is automatic, because DHJ elevates everything he’s in) . You can see the fourth DHJ movie - A Cookie Cutter Christmas - on Hallmark at 1 a.m. CST on Saturday the 22nd of December.

One last entry (#11, tomorrow or Sunday) then a #12 all its own for the pièce de résistance. I'm not overselling it. It is deliciously ridiculous.

#9

Candace Cameron Collection check-in: "Switched For Christmas" is absolute nutterbutters. It is ridiculous and it knows it, so it goes full throttle. I am really impressed with her acting, doing the identical twin thing must be a bitch and a half to film, and she pulls it off. The split screens are well done, too, and not just for TV movie, I mean it's good-good. I'm telling you nothing about the plot. It's sugary sweet, you'll get cavities, and it's not my jam but I couldn't turn it off so that means.... something, I don't know. There was no wine involved, I swear. It's on Lifetime.

But nevermind all that: I know I promised the fanfic movie to end all fanfic movies, but I'd forgotten I promised *before* that to talk about the next David Haydn-Jones feature.

So, last night (read: early this morning, and as of this writing so it may not have been last night at the time you read this) when insomnia struck (read: woke me out of a dead sleep to say HEY IT'S 2 A.M. AND SHIT'S KICKING OFF ON HALLMARK),  I groggily turned on the TV at about 15 after, and to what my wondering eyes did appear?

Hoo-boy. The look on his face says it all. 

Now, as you know, initially DHJ tried to dodge my investigation. It did not work. And I found him trapped between an over-the-cute-line-into-annoying cotton-topped child and Winnie Cooper in "My Christmas Dream" (Hallmark).

And sweet babby jeebus, did he carry this movie.

I like Danica McKellar in real life - not from having met her or something, I mean because she's a giant ol' nerd, she's a mathematical genius, legit (look it up, I can't do everything, I'm shouldering these movies, my brain can't handle it) and she *sparkles* in interviews. Having said that, she's got Claire Novak Syndrome. Put the actress who plays Claire (I can never remember her name, I've no idea why) in front of a camera and it's all dolly dead-eyes, one trick pony angst... and in everything I've seen her in, I've talked about it before, I won't rehash. Danica’s opposite in that she’s ooooooooverdoing everything. I would actually take some flatness. But it’s still Claire Novak syndrome because something fucking happens when the camera starts rolling and it goes unnatural and awkward to watch. Dunno what it’s about. Who cares, not why we’re here.

Anyway, I am only touching on this movie for DHJ purposes, otherwise I wouldn't bother, it’s not worth the time to watch or tell you about, truly. It’s not the worst, but even he seems to be phoning it in for the most part. So. She's a department store exec and he's an artist that's been doing handyman work, they hook up when his *incredibly* annoying child somehow gets to the store on his own to ask if his dad can work there, she gets him home, her car battery's dead, flirting ensues, blah blah biscuits, stir and bake til crispy, and it'll still be sloggy goo in the middle. It's just straight dumb. Don't waste your time. They have negative-integer chemistry, it's pretty embarrassing to watch, honestly.

1 out of 5 stars, and that 1 is all for DHJ.

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That was short, let's pop off a couple more:

Marry Me At Christmas (I didn't note the network or the "stars")

Horrid hair gal meets sentient Ken doll-Archie Andrews hybrid whilst planning his sister's wedding on the fly. Small charming town. He's big city, Hollywood, specifically. Yes, it's the prince and the commoner tale but instead of a prince he's a movie star. Cue the blecccchh. As it's called Marry Me At Christmas, they kinda blew their wad in the title, the sister's wedding goes through as planned, so no drama ahead there.

I really can't say enough about how badly they did her hair. She's got super-curly hair naturally, and I'm not a hairdresser and even *I* know the answer isn't Weigh It Down With Product And Hard, Then Don't Even Finger-Comb It, So It Lays Flat Pancake From Scalp To Ear, Then In Creepy Porcelain Doll Spirals To Shoulders. She looks great when she's in a hat and it's an outdoor scene and it gets tousled. But it's distracting the rest of the time, is my point. Oh, then they inexplicably straighten it for the wedding - curly hair can look *gorgeous* in a formal updo. The one time they didn't leave it curly. 

Yes, this is the only thing worth discussing in the entire movie. Not even worth the bingo card. 1 out of 5 stars.

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Speaking of hair:

Entertaining Christmas (Hallmark) - Jodie Sweetin, Brenden Fehr

Her hair, it's all I can focus on - it's this weird Southern mom bouffy thing when it's not pulled back somehow. Also distracting - and this is a lovely woman, if you've not seen her since she was a child on Full House - are the ill-fitting, unflattering clothing they've put her in. It appears Ms. Sweetin and I share an affliction of the stems, that being... (deep breath) ...hi my name is Nash and I have the legs of a linebacker. It's true. And not a ton of muscle definition, because when I do? Hoo-boy. Heavy-duty linebacker. Best they're left alone. 

Point is, if gals like us do skirts, it ain't flattering to go above the knee, it's just not, it wrecks the silhouette and makes our already chunky-monkey legs look even bigger. And dammit if they didn't do it to her, and not even bother to put her in tights. This woman has huge hooters and a tiny waist, they could've had her rocking some crisp black slacks or a pencil skirt that hit mid calf and a snug lil' cashmere sweater and BOOM, you're channeling Mansfield and Monroe. Bonus that she's a natural blonde. But no, let's put her in matronly above-the-knee shapeless polyester-looking dresses. Ugh.  

Okay, anyway - this is actually a decently inventive plot: she's the daughter of a Martha Stewart type, and she's "poised to be the new face of the brand" - problem is she suuuuuucks at all the cookie making and knitting and whatever. She's also of the thought that imperfections and unique family traditions are more awesome than the largely unattainable perfect-perfect blah-blah from mommy's magazine. I'll give them this: the mom is awesome and nice and kind and understanding, they were smart not to cliche it up and make her a hardass.

But even though it was a creative plot, it just slogs and is so bleh. If you haven't guessed the ending by that synopsis, I don't know what. It's, um... I mean... it's not great, but may appeal to some, so I didn't put it in the This Is A Horrific Attempt At A Nice Lil' Christmas Movie pile. Take that as you will.

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Let us end on a semi-positive note:

Christmas Pen-Pals (Lifetime) - Sarah Drew (who?), character actor you'll recognize immediately (for those of a certain age, it's the dad from Family Ties), other people you'll never have seen before in your life

This should've been called Christmas Cupids because it's about a thing called Christmas Cupids. The people behind these movies are *killing* me.

This one's good, and mainly because the premise is great, it's about secret santa in a potentially match-making way, but hey could also make a good friend. The set-up is that Drew chick is a total brain and she wrote an algorithm for a match-making app but it's so scientific it's boring and as her business partner at said app company put it, it takes away the spark. Which is kinda dumb, because you get the spark when meeting the other person, ain't none of these dating apps giving you in-person spark. Whatever, they're losing users so they need a kick. I missed the part about how she re-worked an electronic app into handwritten letters, but that's neither here-nor-there.

I'm not gonna tell you who she ends up with - you'll guess it nearly immediately, don't worry - but know that even though it's predictable, there's several really sweet and unique moments that I haven't seen in all these other 50,000 carbon-copy Christmas movies. The acting on the part of our leading lady is a little extra, and the other lead is a little flat, and the flow/cadence to the story isn't quiiiiiiite there, but I'm giving it 3/5 stars, so it's not on the rec list, but not a waste of your time.

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And just to recap the rec list thus far...

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

We'll see about doing a rapid-fire round-up next time, and maybe doing The Christmas Fanfic Movie That Out-Fanfics All The Fanfics And The Christmas Movies, but I legit want to watch it all the way through (I only caught the last half) so I can make sure I'm reporting accurately to the three people who are reading these (not bitter don't care doing it anyway).

I'm not overselling this, by the way. I'm not. It is *deliciously* bad.

#8

Okay, as a reminder, the only movies which I've given over 3 stars/would actually recommend you spend your time on (and keeping in mind that a "5" does not mean it's a great movie, it just means it's not overly sad nor overly shmoopy, and doesn't hit a grotesque amount of recycled plots on the bingo card) are: . (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) . Those last two we haven't talked about yet, so I'll cover 'em at the end of this entry - first we're gonna shoot through the ones that aren't a complete waste of time and have recycled shtick, true, but aren't teeth grinding due to the acting or directing or whatnots.

And we're doing this because next update, I'm going to spend the whole thing on where you can find the Whyenne some of you love so dearly, you reblog her every chance you get. It's her. It. Is. HER. Every mannerism, every word, every---- well, I'm spoiling. That's for next time.

Okay, these are all in the 2-to-3 Nash star ballpark...

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Dear Secret Santa (Tatyana Ali, Lamorne Morris) --> there's too much singing for padding the runtime --> you may like it more/find it more satisfying than Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves "The Lake House", and that's all I'm telling you plot-wise

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Kristin's Christmas Past (Shiri Appleby) --> it's exactly what you think it's about by the title --> there's a really cute, snicker-worthy scene near the start with her younger self, and part of it reminds me of the vibe of the rapid-fire convo in Mystery Spot

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A Twist of Christmas (Vanessa Lachey, and someone called Brandon Zub - I think - who is delightful) --> A dad and a mom are shopping for their kids and their bags get mixed up and blah-blah-blah ensues because they're opposites in many ways, but I didn't find it terribly grating --> it's an adorable sort-of snarky-sweet

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Road To Christmas (Jessy Schram, Chad Michael Murray) --> nice premise, he's a good actor, and she's... well... ::sigh:: --> this chick in everything I've seen her in... she apparently has one gear, and that gear is coked-up mouse that skitters everywhere with her barrel-curled hair vibrating around her head... but in this one, she chills as the movie goes, so it's tolerable

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A Christmas to Remember (Mira Sorvino, Cameron Mathison) ---> This aaaaalmost got on the rec list but I can't because the plot is weaksauce "Overboard" (80s movie, Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell, it's hilarious)... -->...but it wasn't the worst, because these two are such good actors, they sell it, and it's sweet, and keeps good pace, so there ya go

Okay, to the goods - next time we'll talk about the ass disasters - and one specifically that I 100% guarantee the fluff fans amongst us will love, despite my ripping it a new one. Which I'm going to do. Because of all these I've watched, the one we'll talk about legit flabbergasted me on many levels.

A Very Nutty Christmas

I am slightly biased because Melissa is a friend of a friend (sister-in-law, specifically) and she is good people, a hard worker, and a smart (heh) cookie. She knows what roles she nails (sharp wit, no shmoop, strong chicks), so that's what projects she and her mother choose (they produce most everything Melissa's in), she stays in her lane, is my point, so if you agree with that assessment, then you're good to go, this is classic Melissa Joan Hart fare.  

She's a baker, but not some "Waahhh this is hard" sort, and there's no competition, it's nothing but what you'd expect - lotsa cookie orders at Christmastime, but again, she's not super-duper stressed, she’s got the appropriate level of “let’s go, people!”. Now, here's the cheese that I don't want to chase you away: her decorative Nutcracker comes to life (Barry Watson) and helps her out. 

I know, I knoooow. And listen, at the first scene with him, you're gonna think that Barry'll be working your nerves through the rest - I sure as shit did - but stick with it, he ends up being very charming. You may actually be wooed. The character is completely sincere in all he does and says, and you’re happy to see her have this sort of person in her life, because she puts a lot on herself, and boy is that totally relatable.

Other good stuff is you'll recognize all the secondary characters (their actors, I mean), with the exception of the ex boyfriend, but he's well cast, he doesn't play the smarmy too heavily. There's also a good song behind the (standard) montage for once, and smart smart smart is their limited usage of Tchaikovsky outside of the blip of the ballet that we see. And kudos for that, too, limiting the ballet's role in the movie.

The whole thing is tied up with a very satisfying ending. It's fluff done right....

The Christmas Ornament

....and here's angst done right.

This isn’t about an ornament being magical or something how you might think from the title, I promise. It’s significant, but not in some otherworldly way. The situation(s) are absolutely plausible, it’s a believable story, and there’s not all this exposition that explains the characters’ backgrounds, it all unfolds organically, and you’re honest-to-god rooting for them, no matter if the story has them together at the end or not - you’re gonna find yourself saying “I’m okay with this happening for them either way, whether they stay friends or if it evolves.” On that note, kudos to the writer: Cameron’s character is very empathetic and doesn’t push Kellie’s character, not even once - he pushes her to get “out there” and interact with people and be social more than she has been, yes, but in a good friend sort of way (and Jewel’s character is doing the same - it’s in the “we care about you” way).

And this movie looks *fantastic*. The cinematographer and editor gave it big-deal-theater-movie-level treatment, no kidding. Some beautiful shots, especially some lingering ones at the ice rink. Bless the music supervisors, too - no shitty distracting music, and no one (if memory serves) sang for an extended period of time, if at all (I really don’t think anyone sang). Jewel Staite is a treasure, and for once the side-friend was actually necessary to the story, she was well-used.

I also liked it because Kellie’s character is self-assured in many ways, fragile in some ways - in other words, she’s real and she’s relatable. I took issue with one teensy thing, I didn’t track with how it was she was the one to apologize for a misunderstanding, because she actually wasn’t far off base; what she thought made sense for (1) how he’d behaved toward her, and (2) what she’d seen, and (3) what she knew because of what he’d told her prior. In any event, that’s the only real “flaw” (and it could just be a Nash thing) that I saw. This one’s well worth your time. 

  #7

This entry’s about “Dear Santa” (Lifetime), part of the David Haydn-Jones quadrangle Christmas tangle. The plot sounds decent - cheese, but decent. I love Amy Acker, and I love DHJ, this should be a cakewalk.

[15 mins.in] Oh. Oh, my.

Yeah, I'm busting out the Cheesy Christmas Movie Bingo Card, it'll be at the end. Let's see if we can get a win. At a minimum, I think we're gonna be checking a lotta boxes.

Other than our leads, we have poor man's Sean Hayes as gay best friend (h/t @butiaintgonnaloveem) on the scene, and he's outfitted in hot pink chef gear - AT THE SOUP KITCHEN - so that everybody's clear he's a card-carrying member of The Gay. 

Shitty acoustic guitar riffs, cool.

Precocious child plays the flute... and shittily.

There's a homeless man whose shtick is that he won't come inside, never a roof over his head again, and I wanna know (do I?) where he's taking his dumps.

Related, the music continues to be shitty, and I mean toilet-clogging.

Ice skating "lesson", check.

Holy fucknoodles, two grown women are in a food fight. I do not get why Dollar Store Justine Bateman (the snippy girlfriend, the one that is so off-putting it is beyond the realm of possibility that this kindhearted and jovial man is even remotely interested in her despite knowing each other a long time) is so vitriolic, as she's known Amy Acker about five minutes. 

THIS MUSIC

Christmas wish, check.

The green screen effect behind rich mommy checking in from the Caribbean is such ass, I am shocked. You Tubers have better green screens. How do you fuck up a green screen? You're a goddamn cable channel whose focus is movies. TV local news manages to do it with weatherpeople multiple times a day.

Acker and Jones save this dreck. The kid ain't half-bad, either. But they are the types of actors that everything out of their mouths just flows so naturally, even when the plot is ass. I love this Angel-SPN match-up.

JEEBUS HAROLD CRICKET he just said that they are *five* *figures* *deep* in back rent on the soup kitchen and - I quote - "I guess the bank's out of good will".  DO YOU THINK?!

"I thought little girls loved to play the flute" is a line that was just uttered, and bless DHJ for actually getting it past his lips.

I forgot to mention, Acker's displayed some guilt a couple times now because earlier, there was a meet-cute (okay, apparently a near-run-over) incident with a mail carrier, a letter flew out, and - I *must* quote @butiaintgonnaloveem here again - then "instead of giving it back, she commits mail fraud and opens it." 

Now, the guilt is because it's the lil' tyke's letter to Santa, asking him for a new mommy (dead parent/spouse, check) and she's also feeling guilt over tracking them down (why? boredom? sure, that's gotta be the reason, because to remedy the letter situation, you glue that shit shut and stick it in a mailbox, it's just going to an incinerator at the mail station anyway), but it's this misplaced Christmas wish that perplexes me. It's not like she nicked a bill or a wedding invitation or something that's actually important.

I'M A GRINCH

Oh he owns a snowplow business? That name again is Mr. Plow (Simpson's song ref, google Mr. Plow, I'm sure it's somewhere). And it's the song I wish I was hearing, this music is eardrum-thumping. It is a slobbery wet willy. It is *achingly* bad.

He just stared longingly at her and licked his lips, FML.

Now Acker's acting like a snotface. I don't dig it. I'd be cool with her being sharp and not taking the shit from Justine but being classy about it, they've got her being balls-out bitchy.

Why is it taking so long for the wealthy girl to be like HERE IS CASH MONEY FOR YOUR SOUP KITCHEN YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE DAVID HAYDN-JONES --- like I get your charge cards or whatever are snipped, but go sell some jewelry or clothes from last season and shit.

She had the letter in her clutch? She's carrying it around with her? Why? WHY?!? I hate stupid  writing. I hate it. Worse is that it's lazy. HATE. Why was it in her purse? Because someone needed to find it. And there was no other possible way to accomplish that, than having one of your leads be an absolute fuckwit, right? GRRRRRRRRRRR that stuff just works my nerves.

The confrontation scene is good. Neither are over the top. 

Well how's about that? Her Christmas present check will cover the soup kitchen's debt!

Enough with the shitty guitar riffs, it's like I'm watching an SPN ep, and, no, that's not a compliment.

The longest montage for padding runtime is happening, and with another shitty song (but a tolerable one, despite the singer faking a lot of catches in her voice - I would know, I have a natural catch in my singing voice that I had to fight like a mofo for about six years in choir, but I've digressed, just tuck that nugget into your Nash file), showing Acker moping and DHJ sighing, then him running by the soup kitchen to sit in his snow plow and angst, and then....

....oh lookee there! She did the thing. Sean Hayes - in a sheer v-neck inexplicably over a long-sleeved cotton shirt like I'm presently wearing because it's what I lounge/sleep in, with a Coach neckerchief to top it all off (on god, I cannot make this up) - is now sassing DHJ, saying the letter thing was fate. And I mean... yeah, it was, right? Whatever, if DHJ was single and I had the chance, I'd be happenstancing my way near him as much as (and smoothly as, natch) possible.

I CAN BE SMOOTH SHUT UP

Smooches near the town tree square or whatever it is. And now we're back, and now the homeless dude has agreed to come inside, and we still have absolutely zero idea why he doesn't like being inside, and they have (checks time) less than 2 minutes to resolve it.  *see below*

Nope. That's it. That's how it ends. The homeless man came inside. Because that was the primary arc. 

No. It wasn't. 

It should end with us seeing him come in, sure (I'll ignore the boom of Chekov's Gun firing in the background), but we end NOT with the moment between DHJ and random homeless dude - which, again, let me be clear is *exactly* what happened - but rather with him coming in and all the rest of the homeless comrades and staff and Acker and Jones greeting them, then we see our two main characters and the kid sitting down like a family, pull back, we see them through the window in which Christmas tree lights are reflecting, pull back further, it starts to snow, cut to credits. 

Imma give this one 3 stars outta 5. It wasn't a total ass disaster, but it wasn't that great. It was okay. The Bingo card concurs, as it didn't get filled up, but it got damn close to being a 2/5 (in my mind, every bingo = a point off because it means it’s so unoriginal a damn bingo card could’ve written it):

Addendum:

Butiaint reports that "the homeless guy wouldn't go inside because the last building he walked into was a casino and he lost 'every last penny', so he could never 'just step inside ever again'," to which I, very calmly, replied --->

I'll do an addendum.... that still doesn't... I don't.... what? That's.... why not just say he can't make himself sit down for a homecooked meal because it causes him too much pain because his family died in a car wreck going out Christmas shopping and a dinner/meal was his last memory of them? It didn't need to tie into the money thing with her, that thread was fine on its own.... goddamnit I hate stupid writing

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Back to quick round-ups and arbitrary ratings of a bunch of movies in the next one, once I get my notepad transcribed.

  #6

For some reason, this whole entry morphed into a recap of "Holiday High School Reunion" with Rachel Boston (Lifetime). You'll recognize this gal, she's been in others for Lifetime, and I personally recognized her for the pretty damn entertaining, sadly short-lived Witches of EastwickEnd series. It was a fan-frikkin'-tastic cast of awesome women, they made any sloggy scripts watchable. I digress.

I immediately empathized with this character because not even a quarter of the way into the movie she's (a) dreading her high school reunion, and (b) hates social media because she doesn't wanna have to justify/be asked about/etc. her life, as she's not where she wants to be. I personally would add onto that the distinct apathy regarding the details of everyone's life. It's either veneered in fabulous or dipped in drama-filled Debbie Downer. Blecchhh. I've digressed again.

There's been a brief funny daydream - if they do more, I'm in, it was pretty cute. And there's been a brilliant piece of screenwriting in this movie, and I want to share it for my writer buddies because it was a *pristine* show-don't-tell.

(Let me say here real fast, to paint you a picture,  that she's dressed casually - hoodie, and I think lounge-y pants or maybe pajama pants, or maybe just jeans, can't recall - because it's clearly way past end of workday, and the character I'm about to talk about is in a crisp white button-down and tie and suit slacks.)

Her father arrives to find her on a porch that's covered in strings of Christmas lights wound around the poles/pillars/whatever you call them of the railings, and around the trimwork of the house, and they're these great pops of vivid colors in the night, first of all. So we're seeing her standing there, smiling and happy to see him, and what's in the foreground is a series of bulbs along the window or door frame, and one of the bulbs is out.

Instead of truly greeting his daughter, first thing he does as they barely start chatting, and while she's speaking, is saunter over right into frame, blocking our shot of her, and give that bulb a twist til it lights.

My immediate thoughts: He's a dick. He likes everything just so. He enjoys perfection. He's not interested in effort, just execution. He zeroes in on faults. He actively ignores/doesn't care about the fact that his daughter is happy to see him. He doesn't consider her important enough to receive his attention first and foremost. He's a supreme dick. And he's gonna make her feel like shit for where she is in life, which is her biggest insecurity, which he should know, because that's how good dads operate. But he's not a good dad. Not at all. And I bet he's about to donkey punch her feels.

All that from a twist of a bulb.

And I was right: he proceeded to make her feel like shit by being snotty about her job and comparing her to his golf buddy's daughter. Then she still managed to sit back down at her laptop and focus on what she was doing and smile a genuine smile, and now I like her and feel for her even more. No one would have blamed her if she cried, or snapped at him, or slammed her laptop closed and had an Angst Attack, and those would be writing choices too. But the choice is for her to make the best of things.

We also know this because it is reinforced with another good show-don't-tell via actions (versus her announcing it ad nauseam or other people saying it ad nauseam), when red punch gets spilled on her white dress at the reunion and the snobs are like "Ohmigawd!" and gasping, she goes "Well I think it looks kinda cool!" She does snag a cardigan because she's aware it's an eyesore, so yeah, she's lying to herself. It's clearly a survival mechanism, her childhood must've been a dream with a father like she's got (rolls eyes).

And the lie(s) she tells is to avoid the drama of not living up to the "Most Likely To Succeed" superlative, and even then it's a relatively minor lie, she's not making herself super-duper fabulous because she doesn't feel super-duper presently. She's cheerful without being obnoxiously Pollyanna, and her dynamic with her best friend (you'll recognize him, too, he's the dude who dated Regina George and who Cady had a crush on in "Mean Girls") is phenomenal, they have great chemistry and I'll be honest, I see where this is going and I've got some faith in these screenwriter(s) that they'll actually pull it off smoothly.

There's been a dance/song routine and it is horrific and I hate it. I hate it hard. It's stupid and lasts too long and is purely for padding the runtime. But. It had a good point, albeit one that could’ve accomplished in less time. The three queen bees who were her fake friends in high school, and are her fake friends now, all remember this routine to a pristine degree, and of course we see our girl whiff it the more it goes on, she knocks over a prop, turns this way when she should've turned that way, and I feel her - high school is utterly forgettable. 

I’m about to digress, so skip the indent if it doesn’t apply to you - anyone reading this who is currently a senior? 

Enjoy it, it's your last year, enjoy being kings of the hill. I liked my senior year for several reasons but the biggest one was that I was getting the hell out of there. I was liked, I was decently popular and I made good grades and was in honors choir,  but I wasn't top-tier popular or the head cheerleader or the valedictorian or homecoming queen or always having a boyfriend, none of that, and what I was? That stuff I just listed?

None of it matters. I've not been to any reunions, because I don't care to reminisce. Not that it was horrible or something, it was... *shrugs*. I'm still friendly with the people I went to high school with, ended up going to college with a couple of 'em, matter of fact, and I like who we are as adults tenfold vs. who we were in high school. Because as grown-up as you feel? You're a child. You're all children. I was a child. We were all children (even the couple of gals who, um, had children/were preggers before all was said and done and diplomas hit hands). We were. It just is.

So I assure you: the people who still wistfully think about high school, the ones who "peaked" in high school? There's something mentally still childlike about them, and I don't have the time nor the inclination to deal with man/woman-babies. I'm a grown-up. So believe me when I say that life is about to open up like a motherfucker. And if you did happen to peak in high school? Leave that behind, too. Resting on childhood laurels won't serve you well, because other than some of those accolades getting you into college? Nobody - and I mean nobody - in grown-up world cares about that shit.  

Oh christ another song. And a daydream (pseudo-flashback? hard to say, I was getting a snack). But again, more reinforcement of how high school doesn't matter to her but super-matters to others, in this case how she (former head cheerleader) didn't place give much memory real estate to how she'd broken off things with high school boyfriend (former quarterback), but it's like the first thing he asks about as soon as they're alone.

"Wow well... that was a long time ago," she says, starting to think back, then ultimately says - "I thought you were cheating on me."

He totally was, I don't even need to see a flashback, hundred percent, he's scum.  Whoa shit, speaking of - another flashback whilst kissing him, but whoa shit part two, it went to a fun, happy memory with best friend. Not subtle, this movie - of course she'll end up with him.

The divas are now in the bathroom gossiping about her and don't know she's in there. Again, the not caring, this time more blatant - "She ruined the routine!" - "It's like she doesn't even care" - "Can't believe she broke up with him on prom night" - "He deserves better".

One of these bitches was the one he was cheating with, no doubt. They also talk about how one of them called around, found out her job wasn't what she passed it off as, that she's a wardrobe assistant vs. a right-hand-(wo)man to this swank designer. The Queen Bitch calls her "nobody", and the minor bitches are saying how they're her best friends and wondering why she wouldn't tell them the truth. Hey, cheerleaders: Gimme a D! Gimme an E! Gimme an L! ....fuck, this is gonna take too long.... Gimme a USIONAL! What does that spell? DELUSIONAL! *pom shakes* *high kick* *herkie* *round-off-back-handspring*

Oh lord why is she doing a weird impromptu cheer routine.... best friend jumped in to support and encourage and some people seemed to get into it but... the fuck? These screenwriter(s) are either on point or left field, jeebus.

Speaking of field, she and best friend are out lying on the football field, and they're talking fun memories - as in, the only ones that are vivid in her mind are the ones involving him, and vice-versa. I will give them this: the flashbacks are cute and short and don't derail the momentum. They're really well done. The songs are the whiff.  

Now the queen bees are discussing their next routine. THE !!FINAL ROUTINE!!! AND SHE HAD A SOLO! (Why the shit are they performing routines at their reunion? I've heard tale of slide shows and videos and stuff like that, but fucking stage shows? Damn I hope that punch is spiked.) One of the minor bitches - the sweet ditzy one - is weeping loudly when Queen Bitch says our gal's officially out of their glee club. But she says "glee club", as in... they're the only 4 members? No other members are in attendance at the reunion? Looks like it was a big-ass graduating class.  ????  Got me.

Our gal's mom - who is MARILU HENNER DID I MENTION THAT and has been woefully underused thus far - has overheard. Commercial break. I need a Mountain Dew.

We're back. Marilu is completely opposite of Dick Dad. Now we're in a random B story where one of the bitches is flirting hard with the principal.... and the mic's hot. But she ain't embarrassed, says she'll meet him wherever someplace at midnight.  Oh and I forgot that best friend's not-really girlfriend flew out to join him as a surprise and he'd been like "Wha..." and she serves no purpose. Even now, when she gasps and squeals excitedly "Oh you're in love with her!" She ain't mad, and good, because nobody cares. And she's all pumped because she's made lots of friends with these people she'd never seen before in her life.

Fucknoodles the !!!FINAL ROUTINE!!! is bad. Now the solo. Our girl's taken the stage and Queen Bee didn't put up a fight, just stormed off. And here we go: she's making a speech about how she's not yet lived up to the Most Likely To Succeed, but their votes meant a lot to her, and she's not giving up. It's good shit.

And then they start chanting her name (it's Georgia, btw).

And then she starts her O Holy Night solo.

*sigh*

This movie is well-written but there's *so* much unneeded padding to the runtime. And she's on key and there's nothing wrong with her voice but it's nothing special. So what? Lots of people can sing in tune. I don't get it.

Flashback. Yeah, totes cheating, and he admits it - which, if she remembers, then that contradicts the earlier conversation when he denies it... huh? - and now she's in the gym, where she's bummed about the breakup. Best friend rescues, gets her up and dances with her for the last dance.

Have I mentioned that everyone looks identically the same? And we're supposed to be ten years out? Seriously. Hair and everything. Except for - and I don't know why - the bitch trio. (Dear Wardrobe and make-up departments: WHAT.)

So yeah yeah yeah, they share the last dance at the reunion because the whole thing was a fucking talent show-prom do-over (reunions are just not like that, y'all, I know I haven't been to one but my mother has - helped plan one, matter of fact - and they aren't Prom Part Deux, nor are there glee club and cheerleading routines, nor are they scheduled around major holidays. Dear Writers: ALSO WHAT.)

Ending is rushed and is stupid. Holy shit, they whiffed it. They actually ended on the totally unneeded B plot of the prinicpal seduction (which, by the way, consisted of a whopping 2 scenes... possibly 3, clearly it made no impact). This is the stupidest thing, they ended on such a bad note it leaves an icky taste in my mouth for this movie.

This one gets 2.5 stars out of 5. It had 3.5 for most of it, and then when we hit that first routine at the reunion, man did the points start coming off. This was classic fanfic: a ridiculous premise, sure, there’s things you have to overlook out of the gate (like, say, how nobody sane would plan a farging high school reunion at Christmas, at least not if they wanted actual attendance) but the execution’s great for the first half and then something happens and brains melt and it swerves into oncoming traffic and gets hit by The Trope Bus. ::sigh:: Ah, well. 

Ermahgerd, "Christmas Shoes" is coming on *warning lights flash* * dives for remote, goes to safety of Hallmark Movies and Mysteries immediately *

Next entry: part one of the David Haydn-Jones Christmas movie trifecta. Finally caught one. It stars the chick that played Winnie Cooper.  And holy jumping Jiminy Cricket, was it bad.

#5

Candace Cameron will star in any movie that’s Christmas themed and I am determined to watch all of them. She’s typically cursed with a snoozeville co-lead. The Alaskan doctor one isn’t bad. The executive who’s there to examine the lodge one is absolutely snore-worthy. The one about the saving dad’s business with nutcrackers one is pretty okay. I am actively avoiding the newest one about magic shoes. Christmas shoes never ends well.

Double feature with someone I vaguely recognize as being from a CW show in the early aughts, but clearly not one I actually watched, or I’d remember. Anyway, broad strokes: one is from a couple years ago, she’s a single mom and there’s this locket with a nautical star on it that’s literally, um, locked, and..... it’s not brought up again til the end. You’ll know the movie because you’ll think to yourself “This doesn’t know what it wants to be” - is it about the locket and how it was a gift from her mother and she lost it and it was somehow pivotal to discovering who her birth father was? Or is it about the custody battle with the asshole ex-husband and her losing her job and being evicted? Or is it about the meet-cute then “crossed wires” recurrent situations with the shop owner’s grandson? I have no idea. But there’s precocious kids and a bakery. It had potential, and that actress is good and so was the co-lead, but script = hot mess.

Second one is about a poinsettia farm and stars Bo Duke/Jonathan Kent, depending on your generation. She’s from the big city and she’s a-comin’ home to save the family business! I assume she meets someone at a bakery, I wasn’t pulled in at all, my remote finger got real twitchy, but when I flipped back toward the end, surprise! She’s a-stickin’ around, she’ll run the family business, don’t sell the farm, screw her life at the other place with the things! 

I actually have another recommend: “Operation Christmas”

Solid script, and hella fine acting by one Ms. Tricia Helfer. I have loved her since Battlestar Gallactica, SPN fans will know her as the lady ghost on the road who doesn’t know she’s dead. That chick. Killa actress. You wanna talk about a good crier on camera? Top tier, here. My cold, black, shriveled heart actually giddy-up’d and I possibly got misty when she bursts into tears in this movie. Also stars Marc Blucas, who Buffy fans will remember as Riley, and I like him, too. 

There are precocious kids, and this coulda gone cheaply exploitative with the military angle, but it sticks the landing with only minor wobbles, it hits heartwarming vs. cheese. There’s an odd fixation on singing in the back half (several characters singing solo at various points), and it’s awkward to watch (and hear, because of the distinct shift your ears will detect between the “on set” and the “in recording studio” audio) because with the exception of one, when they blend it into a professional singer whilst slipping into a wee montage of Christmas tree delivering - or unloading, I can’t recall, who cares - the songs go on Way. Too. Long. 

Except.

What they did during the talent show during the Silent Night number? That sing-a-long? Now, that I wish had been a little longer. A+ job, screenwriter(s). The very-very end was saccharine, but it was short, and that’s what counts because I realize you were trapped, this is Hallmark Christmas movie we’re talking, you had to do it, you’d been steady through the rest of the script, they wanted their shmoop, no one blames you.

Something called “The Sound of Christmas” has just come on, and there was so much exposition dump in the *first* *three* *minutes* that the titular sound is actually gonna be the click of my remote control. Oh lord looks like the lead male is poor man’s Ray Liotta who’s a high-powered blah-blah-blah. And seems it’s precocious child: petulant teen edition. I’m out.

David Haydn-Jones continues to elude.

#4

Pattern detected: Plot--->

The conflict must be saving family business/home from certain doom

Business = service industry (store, bakery, gardening/plants/farm, lodge/hotel)

Female protagonist supes busy with her stuff and such in the big city; has to leave; returns; likely plans to stay forever

Precocious child, standard

Execution--->

One lead must be a notably better actor than other; neither may be on-point overall; if both are something, that something is teeth-grinding to watch and/or listen to

Exposition with (admittedly) necessary facts must come early on, and in dialogue dumps, preferably just one big fatty, and preferably between two people who already know this information vs. to someone who is not privy to this information

Character introduction/pertinent background must not trickle out organically over the first act via showing their actions and other characters' reactions; just throw in with that plot exposition dump

A big gun was pulled out last night - Patti LaBelle was briefly in one, watched some of it, was glad to see an original plot (mostly; see above, re: female protag mold) but then I thought better of it, googled, and yup, based on a book. Ah, we meet again, Not Original Story. This morning, tangentially related, something-something-rich-dude-reg-chick, and they were named Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet #fml #gag #stay away #get Austen out of your mouths  

Presently playing is one whose plot sounds suspiciously like The Parent Trap: Christmas Edition, Nashville Style. Sort-of, I mean, we start there, then I'm not clear on where they drive to, but it's still Southern, and props to the filmmakers for not going nuts on the snow, someone actually did some research. I will also compliment them for only letting the folks who have some form of natural Southern accent/Southern cadence use it, the rest speaking in standard North American accents.

Now, two things: I love the Lohan version of P.T., a lot a lot a lot, and I'll hear nothing bad about it. Secondly, I'm going to refrain from commenting on shite Southern accents in movies in general, this one and elsewhere, such as in the Kellie Pickler Graceland-set Christmas one that aired yesterday that I could only tolerate in five minute increments as I flipped back and forth to Law & Order SVU frequently for palate cleanses #Mariska sorbet

But it got off to a good start,  the opening credits were creative and unique, and I recognize the lead actors. Kids don't seem terribly precocious. Hmmm.

I shall give it a chance.

[time passes; returns to draft]

It's not Parent Trap, summary was garbage, it's not about the precocious kids, and no one has a high-powered career, no one is filthy rich, and both lead actors are really great. The chick is Sissy Spacek's daughter, I've seen her in other stuff before, have always liked her, I think she's talented. I recognize the lead dude from something I've seen before, too, he's a bit of poor man's Paul Rudd, but good. There's a somewhat difficult grandma, but she's not unlikable, you kind of get where she's coming from, and it's because it's Dee Goddamn Wallace, the queen of playing mothers (youngsters, google her, you'll likely recognize her, leave out the goddamn when you do).  

The background music isn't overly country-fied nor syrupy-shmoopy twinkle-bells. The dialogue is actually decent and delivered believably by all parties. The kids aren't annoying. The side characters are just that, left to the side, there's no best friend/sister taking up screen time. The leads have an easy, natural chemistry. Holy fucknoodles, I might recommend this one to you. I'm actually watching this one. I'm legit watching it.

[time passes; returns to draft]

What I said above continued, then there was horse-riding and acoustic guitar and even a classic car. The chick wasn't the one leaving to go back to what-the-hell-ever. Nobody was pining for anybody, and the conflict at play was completely realistic. Okay, yeah. Recommend. Hundred percent. This is the angst-turns-to-love with a dash of domestic life AU fic many folks keep trying to write and not quite getting there (Hi, I'm Nash, and I'm supes blunt when I'm under-the-weather), then your bonus that it's set at Christmastime.

The exposition on backstory was done pretty dang smoothly, but better was that we weren't told who these characters are/were, we were shown. *And zero flashbacks* There's several great, snappy, shot-across-the-bow lines. There's a religious element that is pitch-perfect and appropriate and not overbearing. The ending song is a smidge too long, didn't need to hear the whole thing, but it's kept simple and the lyrics are sweet without being cheese, so I'll give it that. Pacing overall is a little wobbly, they probs could've trimmed a good ten-to-twelve minutes of runtime, and there's a side character who blips on the scene that was poorly cast as his lack of prowess sludges up the vibe (charismatic, he ain't, maybe he's somebody's spouse *ahem*), but this one's pretty solid, y'all.

It's called "Every Other Christmas", starring Schuyler Fisk, on Lifetime Movie Network - it just premiered the other night, apparently, so with rebroadcasts you should have plenty of opportunity to catch it.

Okay, back to the shmaltz.

#3

My dearest:

[cue old-timey, slightly depressing instrumental courtesy of rickety fiddles; narration by Ken Burns]

Exposition anvils continue to drop from the sky with abandon, though I’ve not succumbed to my injuries, have no fear. 

Alicia Witt was lovely in something about a novelist who was rejected by both successful novelist boyfriend and publisher, but then meets very successful other novelist who is hiding the fact that he is such. I only caught the last quarter. Disappointed in lack of fanfic about novelists. I tire of writing “novelist”.

Our regiment (myself, General Pup, and Lieutenant Pup) is currently surrounded by a tale of a stewardess who has gotten entangled with a dude whose daughter she was in charge of because unaccompanied minor on flight. Dude is the lead from “That Thing You Do”, he was the next Tom Hanks before Colin Hanks got old enough to fill that role. I am saddened this dude has not gotten mucho awards. None of this matters.

I am more of the sads that the flufferfic-ers have not stalked and mauled and chewed on the carcass of the premise of Whyenne being a flight attendant who captures Dean’s heart when she captures his vomit during a flight to wherever to do something. Or, scratch that; she magically cures him of his fears with her enchanted hoo-hah, because that’s how phobias work. And assuming there’s plot, the hunt for the whatever can take place on the plane, like that Harrison Ford movie or that Jodie Foster movie or that Kurt Russell movie. It would have to be a big-ass plane. They could still bang in the bathroom, even though there’s plenty of places to go.

I have no more plot to give, I am exhausted and according to the thing, you know, the thingy that tells what’s on next, there’s no restorative Candace Cameron in the near future. I may have to settle for one of the Duff sisters.

David Haydn-Jones remains elusive.

General Pup is barking orders. I must end here. Ever yours - Nash. #send vodka

[Transferred 2nd post]

#2

Report from the front line:

There’s been a Denise Richards bakery-related jam. Also a Lacey Chabert - who is a baker - jam. The first had a Christmas cookie contest, the latter a gingerbread competition. Not to be confused. Something with people I’ve never seen before in my life just started, about a big CEO and a bakery. Candace Cameron was in another one, and though it’s bakery-free, those are all starting to blend together.

Send rations.

[Transferred 1st post]

#1

I have felt like garbage and been homebound for two days, and then today (oh blessed event, and I am dead serious, I love it) the onslaught of Fanfic Movie Time has begun, a.k.a. Totes Ridiculous Christmas Situation Lurve-Conflict-Lurve Movie Season on Lifetime/Hallmark/that other network I can never remember the name of, and due to foggy brain I got sucked in. There was a king and ice skating, something about Louisiana with JDM’s wife where everybody’s hair looked horrendous, and then another one with Candace Cameron in Alaska. It was great. Legit. I haven’t laughed as hard. It helped me cough up disease. #bless you Candace

[ginadespell]

The choices.

Ok since I wasn’t able to hget my head done with the Father’s day Drawing, I decided to do this tiny one-shot fanfic a little based on The Choices by The Amazing World Gumball. I hope you like this guys!

Tagging: @tricia-morvill @squorkal @donaldtheduckdad @miilkyopals @heythatsdeep and @i-restuff

It was a normal day in the boat. And by normal I mean a complete chaos.

"DEWEY, LOUIE, STOP NOW!" I heard Huey's scream while he tried to stop Dewey and Louie from fighting (over something I didn’t knew). I was in the kitchen preparing the food, and my nerves were increasing so fast that they were about to explode.

"GUYS, STOP FIGHTING HIMSELF NOW!" I was not in the mood, and I wanted all this to stop and continue with dinner, but today the boys were acting worse than other days.

The fight didn’t stop, and I had to turn around and leave the kitchen to stop Dewey and Louie.

"HE STARTED" Louie and Dewey said at the same time.

"I don’t care who started, I need you to stop! Right now!" I had to keep calm. We were going to dinner, like a normal family...

Until I felt smoke on my face.

"... it smells like burning," Huey said, and we stayed a few seconds in silence until the fire alarm went off.

"... THE DINNER!" I screamed, letting go the boys and running again into the kitchen to try to stop the fire.

At the moment, Huey tried to use his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to find how to turn it off but it took a long time. And Louie only recorded everything with the cell phone. I took a blanket to wave it to the fire, but instead of turning it off I fanned the fire, and when I saw that the fire worsened I left the blanket and took the hose from the kitchen and poured water on the stove.

We no longer had dinner.

And then Dewey arrived with the extinguisher and threw it on me.

... Ok I can’t anymore.

"... AAAAAAAAAH!" I wanted to shout at them, scold them and punish them for life! But…

I thought about myself: I could have been a sailor, I could been continue to adventure, I could have accepted that actor job with Mick, I could have went out with Daisy so many times…

When everything went to hell? ...

It was when she left them on my door.

Della

When she told me she was pregnant, I really didn’t thought it would end this way.

It was a Friday, we were coming from and adventure on Guatemala, and she was really dizzy when we were on the plane. I didn’t suspected anything, I don’t know why, maybe because we have flyed on worse airs… But then she decided to ask us an apologize for the turbulent fly, because she was going to have a baby.

Let's say it was one of the happiest days of my life. I was going to be an uncle!

She laid three eggs a week. She was already determined to be a mother; buying everything so that Huey, Dewey and Louie would grow up and be good children. She seemed quite happy to make that decision...

But one day she came to my house, and left me the eggs in charge for a couple of hours, Isaying she was going out with Scrooge somewhere. I don’t know why I didn’t stopped her, because I never saw her again.

Since that day I have stopped taking many opportunities that came to me, I have decided to stop doing many things that I like...

I remember when they broke the shell. First it was Huey shaking his tiny wings, then Dewey came out laughing, and finally Louie came out crying. It was ... Something I liked to see. Those little ducks get out of those shells that protected them, straight to a blanket that I had prepared for each one. I felt like I was alive again, to be honest.

I remember when they said their first words. Huey was the first to say something, and said "Uncle". Then it was Dewey, who said "Milk". And Louie (who more than anything babbled) came to say "Silly Dewy", I think it was because Dewey took his feeding bottle.

I remember their first day of kindergarten. Dewey was the first to get in, excited, without realizing that I would leave them for eight straight hours. Huey got in with some shyness but soon he made a couple of friends. And Louie finally entered, who did not want to separate from my leg.

I remember when Huey enlisted with the junior woodchuck’s, and the pride on his look when he came home to show us all his first badge.

I remember when Dewey came to the house with a script in hand, saying that he had been given the lead role in a school play in elementary school. And when we went to see it. Louie was a tree in that work, and Huey was the narrator.

I remember when Louie came home with his first math notes, and how he had been invited to be part of the state mental calculation. And when he won that bronze medal, and how he started looking for bright things everywhere thanks to that medal.

I remember when I taught them to ride a bicycle, when I taught them how to swim, when they had their first scrapes, blows, the first disease they had ...

... I remember when my life changed from being only me and my fears, to taking care of these three children. Messy, some kind of naughty, difficult, different, brothers...

… Hey, you know what?... I wont change anything.

I wiped my face after reassuring myself a little.

"... Un-Uncle Donald? ..." Dewey raised his voice a little, afraid.

"... Wow, dinner is ruined. Do you want a pizza? "

"... You… Aren’t angry? ..."

"Not angry, kinda annoyed, but these accidents happen a lot..."

"..." The three turned to look.

"So, pizza?"

"... Peperoni please" Louie said,

And I'm not going to change this life. My life is perfect as it is.

I’m not their progenitor, I’m not their dad. But I would die for them a thousand times.

[magnetarmadda]

Day 25: Best Books of 2018

As I read so many books this year, I decided to make this list by strictly adhering to the books that I gave 5-stars to on Goodreads (and presented in no particular order).

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

Herding Cats by Sarah Andersen

Lumberjanes vol 7 by Shannon Waters

Lumberjanes vol 8 by Shannon Watters

Daughters of the Winter Queen by Nancy Goldstone

Aru Shah and the End of Time by Roshani Chokshi

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

Daughter of the Siren Queen by Tricia Levenseller

the witch doesn’t burn in this one by Amanda Lovelace

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

How to Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell (audiobook narrated by David Tennant)

Constable & Toop by Gareth P. Jones

Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher (audiobook narrated by Carrie Fisher)

The House with the Clock in its Walls by John Bellairs

A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro

The Case for Jamie by Brittany Cavallaro

The Screaming Staircase by Jonathan Stroud

The Empty Grave by Jonathan Stroud

Mr. Penumbra's 24-hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Simon vs. the Homo sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

Egg and Spoon by Gregory Maguire

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

Castles by Marc Morris

Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede

Talking to Dragons by Patricia Wrede

Puddin' by Julie Murphy

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman (audiobook narrated by Neil Gaiman)

The Burning Maze by Rick Riordan

Tess of the Road by Rachel Hartman

The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty

Dear Martin by Nic Stone

Love, Hate, and Other Filters by Samira Ahmed

The Templars by Dan Jones

The Hazel Wood by Melissa Albert

A Red Herring Without Mustard by Alan Bradley

The Dead in their Vaulted Arches by Alan Bradley

The Curious Case of the Copper Corpse by Alan Bradley

To all who celebrate, merry Christmas! To all others, have a fantastic winter day!

[michaelbaileywriter]

Weekly Update - August 16, 2022

Weekly Update – August 16, 2022

Action Figures – Issue Eleven: Zero Day is with my editor Julie, as well as with my cover artist Tricia, who wanted to get an advanced look at the story for inspiration. Ideally everything will be ready to go by the fall. WRITING PROJECTS Action Figures – Issue Two: Black Magic Women: Work on the audiobook edition has begun, with Bethany Boles returning as narrator. Action Figures – Issue…

[gadgetgirl71]

July 2020 Round Up

This July I managed to read 6 books and reviewed 4 books with a few more reviews to write.  Unfortunately my health isn’t improving much at the moment which is making me slip a little bit with my reviews, so forgive me if I don’t get them out as quickly as I’d like to.

I hope you and your families are all keeping safe and well, as it looks like we have a second wave of people being infected by the terrible virus.

July Reviews:

Book One.

The Day She Came Back by Amanda Prowse

Pages: 320. Publication Date: 7 July 2020. My Rating:

MY REVIEW

Book Two.

The Shelf by Helly Acton

Pages: 416. Publication Date: 9 July 2020. My Rating:

MY REVIEW

Book Three.

The Ghost of You by Tori Fox

Pages: 251. Publication Date: 13 July 2020. My Rating:

MY REVIEW

Book Four

This Lovely City by Louise Hare

Pages: 400. Publication Date: 12 March 2020. My Rating:

MY REVIEW

Books Read This Month:

The Day She Came Back by Amanda Prowse

Billionaire Boss Undercover Affair by Kyra Radcliffe

The Shelf by Helly Acton

The Ghost of You by Tori Fox

One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London

Primal Howl (Primal Howlers MC Book 1) by Piper Davenport

Recently Acquired Books This Month:

Pre-Ordered Books:

Stealing the Crown by T P Fielden

Amazon First Read:

The Last of the Moon Girls by Barbara Davis

Across the Winding River by Aimie K Runyan

Amazon Purchases:

The Little Teashop in Tokyo by Julie Caplin

The Jasmine Wife by Jane Coverdale

NetGalley:

Ghosts by Dolly Alderton

The Secret of You and Me by Melissa Lenhardt

Breathless by Jennifer Niven

Friends and Strangers by J Courtney Sullivan

The Ghost of You by Tori Fox

The Last Piece by Imogen Clark

Imperfect Women by Araminta Hall

NetGalley Audio:

Imperfect Women by Araminta Hall, Audio Book Narrated by Helen Keeley

Independent Authors:

Born for Leaving by Jude Munro

BookBub Free Books:

For a list of all the FREE books Via BookBub please go to Books Acquired via BookBub in July 2020 Post.

Book Blitz Posted This Month:

Opps, My Bad by A C Pontone

Princess Bachelorette Various Authors

Stolen Bride by C Hallman & J L Beck

Kaps (Angel Bound Offspring #5) by Cgristine Baver

New Beginnings by Janet Olson

Love under Lockdown by Various Authors

The Romeo Arrangement by Nicole Snow

Shelter for Tory (Station 7: Crew 5) by Nicole Flockton

Born for Leaving by Jude Munro

The Aftermath of Drifting Away by Audrey Beaudoin

Requiem (Roseblood #3) by Emily Shore

The Proposal (Cupcakes & Cocktails #1) by Maya Hughes

Fame & Privilege by L C Reagan

My Gargoyle by Lawna Mackie

Duke by Kiru Taye

Moonlight & Whiskey by Tricia Lynne

Savage Beginnings (The Moretti Crime Family #1) by C Hallman & J L Beck

Falling for the Innkeeper by Meghann Whistler

The Game Maker by Kitty Thomas

The Deception Incident by Marla Holt

The Art of Serendipity by Karen Anne

Between the Pages by Lauren Baker

Man Down (Rookie Rebels #3) by Kate Meader

Hasty (Do-Over Series #4) by Julia Kent

The Hollow Gods (The Chaos Cycle #1) by A J Vrana

Book Blitz Cover Reveals This Month:

Revved to the Maxx by Melanie Moreland

The Six Month Lease by Melanie Munton

February’s Favourite Book Blitz Cover

February’s Favourite NetGalley Cover

February’s Favourite Cover Reveal

February’s Favourite BookBub Cover

So the reasons for this months favourite book covers for the four different categories are:

Requiem: I just like the gothic look of this book, I must admit that I’m a bit of a goth fan and love to wear T-shirts similar to this.

Revved to the Max: Well I had to choose this one as I do love a ripped biker, such a shame there aren’t any bikers near where I live.

The Last Piece: I like how this door way looks with the lovely flowers around it. It just looks so inviting.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: This is such a cute and bright cover and I love the title too.

  #ARC, #BookBlogger, #BookBub, #BookReviews, #Books, #Covers, #Fiction, #GoodReads, #July2020, #JulyRoundUP, #Kindle, #NetGalley, #NetGalleyuk, #NewBooksAcquired, #ReadingChallenge 

[lazaroschamberger20]

Dear Martin Audiobook

[Book] Dear Martin Audiobook by NIC STONE

'Powerful, wrenching.” –JOHN GREEN, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Turtles All the Way Down

'Raw and gripping.' –JASON REYNOLDS, New York Times bestselling coauthor of All American Boys

'A must-read!” –ANGIE THOMAS, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Hate U Give

Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone joins industry giants Jason Reynolds and Walter Dean Myers as she boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning #1 New York Times bestselling debut, a William C. Morris Award Finalist.

Justyce McAllister is a good kid, an honor student, and always there to help a friend—but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. Despite leaving his rough neighborhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates.

Justyce looks to the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for answers. But do they hold up anymore? He starts a journal to Dr. King to find out.

Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up—way up, sparking the fury of a white off-duty cop beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. Justyce and Manny are caught in the crosshairs. In the media fallout, it's Justyce who is under attack.

'Vivid and powerful.' -Booklist, Starred Review   'A visceral portrait of a young man reckoning with the ugly, persistent violence of social injustice.' -Publishers Weekly

Read Dear Martin Audiobook by (NIC STONE)

Duration: 4 hours, 33 minutes

Writer: NIC STONE

Publisher: Listening Library (Audio)

Narrators: Dion Graham

Genres: Dion Graham

Rating: 4.28

Narrator Rating: 4.57

Publication: Sunday, 01 October 2017

Dear Martin Audiobook Reviews

Retha k

Excellent for classroom book clubs. Relevant topics. Good ending.

Rating: 5

Mignon W.

Definitely a good book and the breakdown was spot on regarding black people daily struggle. Loving while black and how it is fitting in this world.

Rating: 5

KT

Nic Stone has gained a fan. This was a change of pace for me, as I don’t usually read YA, but I really enjoyed this book! Dear Martin explores the events that lead up to the devastating loss of Justyce’s high school best friend. Along the way, Justyce wrestles with how to deal with life's challenges the way that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would have, while also attempting to navigate his complicated love life (this subplot admittedly gave me the warm fuzzies). I know there are still many people who don't "agree" with the content of this book and think it's based on fallacies and exaggerations. First-hand experiences told by people like me still do not help these individuals see that we're not exaggerating; racial profiling is unfortunately a real thing and it needs to be addressed. Dion Graham did a great job narrating as usual. He really helped me get invested in the characters!

Rating: 5

Meka M

Excellent storyline! Stone really captured the struggle so many of our young black men deal with daily.

Rating: 5

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[sabriputrinada]

Read Dear Martin audiobook Audio Book by NIC STONE

[Audio Books] Dear Martin audiobook by NIC STONE

'Powerful, wrenching.” –JOHN GREEN, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Turtles All the Way Down

'Raw and gripping.' –JASON REYNOLDS, New York Times bestselling coauthor of All American Boys

'A must-read!” –ANGIE THOMAS, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Hate U Give

Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone joins industry giants Jason Reynolds and Walter Dean Myers as she boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning #1 New York Times bestselling debut, a William C. Morris Award Finalist.

Justyce McAllister is a good kid, an honor student, and always there to help a friend—but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. Despite leaving his rough neighborhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates.

Justyce looks to the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for answers. But do they hold up anymore? He starts a journal to Dr. King to find out.

Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up—way up, sparking the fury of a white off-duty cop beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. Justyce and Manny are caught in the crosshairs. In the media fallout, it's Justyce who is under attack.

'Vivid and powerful.' -Booklist, Starred Review   'A visceral portrait of a young man reckoning with the ugly, persistent violence of social injustice.' -Publishers Weekly

Read Dear Martin audiobook by (NIC STONE)

Duration: 4 hours, 33 minutes

Writer: NIC STONE

Publisher: Listening Library (Audio)

Narrators: Dion Graham

Genres: Dion Graham

Rating: 4.28

Narrator Rating: 4.57

Publication: Sunday, 01 October 2017

Dear Martin audiobook Reviews

Retha k

Excellent for classroom book clubs. Relevant topics. Good ending.

Rating: 5

Mignon W.

Definitely a good book and the breakdown was spot on regarding black people daily struggle. Loving while black and how it is fitting in this world.

Rating: 5

KT

Nic Stone has gained a fan. This was a change of pace for me, as I don’t usually read YA, but I really enjoyed this book! Dear Martin explores the events that lead up to the devastating loss of Justyce’s high school best friend. Along the way, Justyce wrestles with how to deal with life's challenges the way that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would have, while also attempting to navigate his complicated love life (this subplot admittedly gave me the warm fuzzies). I know there are still many people who don't "agree" with the content of this book and think it's based on fallacies and exaggerations. First-hand experiences told by people like me still do not help these individuals see that we're not exaggerating; racial profiling is unfortunately a real thing and it needs to be addressed. Dion Graham did a great job narrating as usual. He really helped me get invested in the characters!

Rating: 5

Meka M

Excellent storyline! Stone really captured the struggle so many of our young black men deal with daily.

Rating: 5

Similar Books

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Original Author: Angie Thomas

One of Us Is Lying

Original Author: Karen M. McManus

Dear Evan Hansen: The Novel

Original Author: Benj Pasek,Justin Paul,Steven Levenson,Val Emmich

What If It's Us

Original Author: Adam Silvera,Becky Albertalli

Let Me Hear a Rhyme

Original Author: Tiffany D. Jackson

Outsiders

Original Author: S.E. Hinton

Poet X

Original Author: Elizabeth Acevedo

Fault in Our Stars

Original Author: John Green

Two Can Keep a Secret

Original Author: Karen M. Mcmanus

Sadie: A Novel

Original Author: Courtney Summers

Only a Breath Apart: A Novel

Original Author: Katie Mcgarry

Five Feet Apart

Original Author: Rachael Lippincott

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine

Original Author: Maika Moulite,Maritza Moulite

Giver

Original Author: Lois Lowry

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

Original Author: Becky Albertalli

Sun is Also a Star

Original Author: Nicola Yoon

They Both Die at the End

Original Author: Adam Silvera

I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

Original Author: ERIKA L. SÁNCHEZ

Turtles All the Way Down

Original Author: John Green

Buried Beneath the Baobab Tree

Original Author: Viviana Mazza,Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

Broken Things

Original Author: Lauren Oliver

Everything, Everything

Original Author: Nicola Yoon

Maze Runner (Maze Runner, Book One)

Original Author: James Dashner

Thousandth Floor

Original Author: Katharine McGee

On the Come Up

Original Author: Angie Thomas

[storiesofregion6]

The Legend of the Gabi Plant

Area: Aklan Synopsis: This story narrates the tale of a beautiful yet vain woman who have rejected a river god, then was cursed to turn into a gabi plant.  Fun fact: The gabi plant today is used in many Filipino dishes. One of the more famous dishes you can see the gabi being used in is ‘Sinigang’.

Illustration by Tricia 

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There was once a tale about the legend of the Gabi Plant stating that there was once a girl who went by the name, Matahumon Gab-i, which meant Beautiful Night. Despite the girl’s beauty, she had a distasteful attitude, being stubborn, disrespectful and as well as vain. As much as the people were amused by her beautiful features, they would distance themselves from her and even her house due to her being infamous for being an ill-tempered girl who would throw stones and mud to those who would come near her property. Matahumon Gab-i was bathing one morning when a river god happend to pass by. The god was smitten by her beauty at first sight. At once, the river god wanted to marry Matahumon Gab-i, disguising himself as a handsome young man. He approached Matahumon Gab-i, however he was rejected because she preferred rich and famous mature gentlemen. The river god did not give up, and came back in the form that she described. Though upon seeing him, she was not impressed at all, shouting at him to go away. 

The river god begged for her kindness, asking her if she could at least let him in for a glass of water. Furious, Matahumon Gab-i threw a bowl of muddy water to the river god’s face, instead of giving him a glass of water. She threatened to throw stones at him if he would not leave her alone. Alas, the god finally snapped and revealed his true form to Matahumon Gab-i, telling her that she does not deserve to have a beautiful name, but instead just Gab-i because her heart was as dark as the night; cursing her. Realizing her actions, she begged for forgiveness by kneeling down. However, as she opened her mouth, a gush of muddy water from the river flowed into her house and drowning Matahumon Gab-i and her home. 

The next day, her house was nowhere to be seen, as well as her body. Despite digging where her house once was, nothing was really left behind. The people still felt sympathy towards her even though she was cruel and disrespectful towards them. Just as they were about to leave, a plant grew from the ground. The people studied the plant and discovered that the leaves were waxy and rough just like Matahumon Gab-i’s heart. One tasted the leaf and said that it was stinging and not edible, similar to Matahumon’s attitude. One woman decides to bring the plant home in order to take care of it, multiplying them in her backyard near the river. The woman named the plant Gabi even as it sprought during the night time while they mourned for her. 

A day came where the woman’s family was starving, with nothing to cook, the woman grew desperate. She heard a voice which sounded like Matahumon Gab-i from where her Gabi plants grew. The woman went to her Gabi patch and the plant taught her how to prepare the root and the leaves in order to feed her family. The woman was thankful to Matahumon and therefore prayed for her and spread the word to the others that Matahumon has repented on her past ill-behaviors and has brought them Gabi in return for her repentance.

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References:

Legend of the Gabi Plant. (2013, May 26). Retrieved from https://vizayanmyths.blogspot.com/2013/05/kasaraysarayan-sa-silgan.html